#i could lay like that for hours and fall asleep

[hexlenx]

I'D PICK HER OVER ME — james fleamont potter

note: I do not own any of the characters in harry Potter except for the plot in this small fic. This is purely made for entertainment purposes as well as cuz I am craving for some angst.

warnings!: mentions of death, angst

__________________

James was tired, he really was.

Being a single father was hard, plus being an auror for the ministry. His schedule from his work as well as being a father at the same time was harder than the war that had just ended four years ago.

James sighed in exhaustion as he covered his eyes with his arm while laying on his bed. He had just came back from a meeting in the ministry that ended two hours ago. The meeting ended very late and he hadn't had the time to rest until earlier before waking up in cold sweat.

James had nightmares. It was always the same.

Getting paralyzed by a spell, watching his wife get killed by a dark curse, his son almost dying but some miracle happened and the curse thrown at him was rebounded towards the killer, and repeat. All the same thing, every night.

So James did the only thing that helped him everytime it happened. Sitting up as he groaned, he began to stand up to walk towards downstairs and to the kitchen. Arriving at the location, he began to brew tea. Normally when he was still in his adolescence, he would drink firewhiskey to cope with the war, but now he settled for tea that he added a teaspoon of honey to cope with his loss.

It was what his wife always had whenever she was stressed, tea with a bit of honey. Something he never understood why that preference until now.

"Papa?" A timid voice of a young boy called out to James making him snap out of his daze.

"Yes, Harry?" James said to his son. Harry was a four year old boy, unruly brown hair like his father, circular black glasses on his face because of the poor eyesight he gained from his father. He was practically the carbon copy of James Potter but the only thing different is his son's eyes. It was his mother's, the only woman James had ever loved.

"Where's Mama?" Harry questioned. The air stilled but the small child was oblivious of it. It was a very sensitive topic but it is not a taboo. With sharp intake of breath, James knelt down to his son's height, putting his hand on his shoulder as he fixed his gaze on Harry's.

"Your mother." James started as he paused for a moment to think of a sentence to explain why his mother is gone. "Is in a far away land, at the moment."

"But why so far?"

"Because, Harry, she is trying to protect us from something and she needs to go away for a while." That's it, James. The father encouraged himself. He's still young, tell him when he is old enough. He continued these thoughts as he looked at his son's thoughtful expression.

"Will she come back?"

Silence. There was no answer to that question as James embraced his son in his arms, brows furrowed as tears were threatening to fall from its sockets. The truth was, his mother was not gonna come back but how could he tell that to his four year old son?

Finally having set his son to bed, James took one last glance to Harry before going downstairs to sit on the couch of the living room. The honey-tea has long gone cold as he sat in front of the fire that was slowly dwindling. James stared blankly at it as his thoughts were loud but at the same time quiet.

If only you were here.

"If I could pick on who would survive that day, I would've picked you." James muttered to himself out loud, quietly sniffling his tears that slowly fell on his cheeks to his hands.

"Because you would've known what to do.."

The crying of a baby echoed through the house in Godric's Hollow. The scene showed a master bedroom, two bumps could be seen under sheets of the bed. As the cry continued, one of the figures moved.

"Fuck.."

A deep male's voice cursed out as he sat up, not being able to fall asleep now because of the noise. Another voice moaned out from being awaken from the movement of the man.

"I'll take care of him, love. Just continue sleeping." The man coaxed to his wife beside him who blinked at him to ask if he's sure.

"You sure?"

"Yea, you sleep and I'll tend, yea?" With that, the woman went back to her dreams as the man carefully unravels himself from the sheets before walking out the bedroom to the nursery.

"Shh, it's okay, Harry. I got you, bud." He said the moment he took Harry from the crib and coaxed him in his arms. The man was James Potter, the leader of the band of misfits, Marauders is now a father. The one thing he never knew he would be with the war going on.

Harry, the baby, now stopped his fussing and opened his eyes that he got from his mother to stare at his father. Smiling widely, he giggled and tried to reach for James' hair.

"Hey now, not the hair you little twit."

"Do not curse at our child, James Fleamont Potter." A stern melodic voice spoke out from behind the father who flinched as James chuckled sheepishly.

"I'm not...." James trailed off as he looked everywhere but his wife, who rolled her eyes.

"I swear, I can't leave you alone for one second with Harry." You scolded your husband with a slight slap on his arm making him grin at you.

"You love me!" James teased to which you rolled your eyes again.

"Unfortunately." You said while grabbing Harry out of his hands and propping him up on your hip.

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

James leaned against the door frame of the kitchen as he wore a pink apron with a giant cute teddy bear printed on its front, courtesy of Sirius saying it was to look husband material and James agreeing to it because he was told it was husband material, he was listening to you humming a small song to Harry as you kept him occupied by holding up a toy on your son's face.

James was cooking up lunch because he wanted you to rest and let him handle household chores while you occupy your son. It was the least he could do for you as the war lead both of you into hiding your son from the Dark Lord because of a prophecy. He knew you wanted to spend more time with Harry before the worse happens, so he did all the chores while you spend your time with your child, even after so many of your refusals.

James smiled in content as well as fondness as he watched the both of you. How could he have such a wonderful family with how arrogant and stupid he was when he was a teen. He didn't think he deserved such thing after being such a prejudice prick towards Slytherins.

"Take Harry and run!" James yelled out to you as he tried to push the Dark Lord back even if it was just for a delay. He couldn't let him get to both of you, you're all that he had left.

Successfully stunning the Dark Lord, James then ran upstairs to be with you and Harry. It was the only thing he could do to help you run away before the Dark Lord catches up. Unfortunately, James underestimated the Dark Lord's recovery from a stunning hex. The moment James arrived at the doorframe of the nursery of where you were, he fell paralyzed by the spell the Dark Lord had thrown at him.

"No.." James mumbled as his eyes went wide in horror. He kept chanting the word like a mantra as he helplessly watched the scene in front of him. His mumbles becoming screams as he sobbed heavily. Sweat dripped from his forehead as his face turned red, eyes squinting, brows furrowing hard as tears kept flowing down like a waterfall from his reddening eyes.

No...not my family..

Not the one I just built..

Please don't do this to me..

A green light blinded the whole room as a loud thump echoed the room. Silence overlapped as the Dark Lord grinned viciously. James' brown eyes stilled as he watched the limped lifeless body of the woman he was proud to say was his, the love of his life, the mother of his son, his wife, you.

James was not spared from tragedy as he now watched his son getting cursed by the Dark Lord before he stared in disbelief as the curse rebounded and hit the one who casted it. Watching as a lightning bolt of a cut appeared on his son's forehead.

But the moment he was free from his trap, he screamed in agony, not from his wounds, but from the death of his love.

"Now, Harry. If I could choose on who would've lived between me and your mother." James said to his son who was now in his teen, sixteen, as they stood in front of a gravestone. A familiar name etched in the stone.

[ Your Name ] Potter

[ Birthdate ] — October 31st, 1981

"In loving memory of a great friend, sister, mother, and wife."

"I'd pick her over me."

"Why?"

"Because, she would've known what to do."

[multi-fandom-imagines8]

A Song of Ice & Shadow

Part 13

You can read previous chapters here.

Summary: As Y/n spirals out of control, Feyre steps in, forcing a change that leaves the sisters at odds.

Warnings: substance abuse, mention of death, trauma, angst.

WC: 4 K.

A knock sounded on Y/n’s door. Then another, and another, insistent, until she finally opened it. She was high as hell on some new drug when she saw Azriel standing in the hallway. Squinting, she rubbed her eyes. 

“Am I hallucinating, or are you really here?” Her voice was languid, tinged with disbelief.

Azriel’s eyes narrowed, scanning her face. “What the hell did you take?”

Y/n shrugged, swaying slightly. “What do you want? I think it’s too early in the morning. I just fell asleep. Come back another time.” She moved to close the door.

A groan sounded from her living room, low and slurred. Azriel’s brow furrowed as he glanced past her. “Who’s in there?” he demanded, his tone sharp.

“I don’t know,” she replied with a lazy shrug, her lips curling into a careless smile. “I don’t usually let anyone stay over. I guess whatever I took was good enough to make me forget.” She let out a giggle, her hand hovering over the door as she moved to shut it again. But before she could, Azriel’s foot slipped into the gap, holding the door open. His expression hardened as he stepped inside, casting a critical gaze around the dim room.  This was the first time he’d been here, though there wasn’t much to see.The sparse, cluttered apartment revealed little about her, save for the state of the coffee table, scattered with substances potent enough to kill with a single wrong dose. He wasn’t sure if she was lucky or if she hadn’t taken much, but judging by the state she was in, he guessed it was the former.

On her couch lay a male, barely conscious, his eyes glazed. But one piercing look from Azriel sent him scrambling out the door. Y/n pouted, throwing herself onto the couch where the male had been seconds earlier. 

“Aww, you scared the poor thing,” she murmured with a mock scold. 

Azriel’s jaw clenched. “What the hell is this, Y/n?” He gestured to the array of vials and powders on the table. A flicker of anger shadowed his eyes, tinged with something close to concern. She shrugged.

“Feyre wants you at the house,” he informed her, his voice taut.

“Which one? Doesn’t she, like, own a dozen?” she replied with an eye roll.

“The new one.”

She smirked, “And why send their lap dog? Couldn’t she have come herself?”

His gaze darkened. “Feyre is High Lady of the Night Court. She has more important things to do.”

“Since this is not important, she can come another day. When she’s not so busy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need some sleep,” she muttered, closing her eyes and sinking back into the cushions.

“That’s not happening. I was specifically instructed to get you there by nine.”

She cracked one eye open, glancing at him with feigned irritation. “What time is it now?”

“Seven.”

“Then let me sleep for two hours, and then we can go.” She closed her eyes again.

Azriel folded his arms. “You need to look… presentable.”

“Fine. Whatever. Leave, and I’ll be ready by then,” she grumbled, rolling onto her side.

“The moment I leave, you’re going to fall asleep again.”

She huffed, opening her eyes fully to glare at him. “Fine. What will it take for you to stop talking?”

“You need to take a bath,” he replied, his voice still firm, ignoring her question.

Her lips curled into a smirk. “Well, I’m not doing that while you’re standing here.”

He sighed, his expression exasperated. “I’ll get you some food. Just be done when I get back.”

When he returned with breakfast, she was nowhere in sight. He assumed she was still in the bathing chamber and set the food on the small table before scanning her chaotic apartment. Fifteen minutes passed, and concern began to cloud his patience. He knocked on the bathing chamber door, once, twice, three times. There was no answer. Then he asked, his voice tinged with worry.  “Y/n, are you in there? I’m coming in.”

She finally spoke, her tone sharp. “Don’t you dare.”

He exhaled, relief barely masking his frustration. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

“Mother above, I was just relaxing,” came her indignant reply.

“Be out in five minutes,” he ordered.

Her laughter was faintly mocking. “I don’t take orders from you.”

Azriel’s patience thinned, his tone sharpening. He was done playing her little games “Let me make this clear: if you’re not out in five minutes, I will have to come in and get you.”

“You’re such a brute,” she muttered, but after a pause, he heard movement. 

She emerged a few moments later, dressed and looking marginally more awake. He handed her a cup of tea, his expression still neutral.

“Did you put poison in it?” she quipped, an eyebrow raised.

“If I wanted you dead, that wouldn’t be the way I’d go about it,” he replied dryly.

She chuckled, amused. “Oh? And how would you do it? Please, do tell.” 

Azriel’s eyes lingered on her, a brief flicker of something unreadable crossing his face. “You really don’t care, do you?”

“What’s there left to care about?” she replied, her voice hollow. “And if you say my sisters, I will electrocute you.”

“You still have your powers?” His question was calm, but his eyes searched hers intently.

Her gaze shifted, guarded. “That is none of your business.”

—

The riverfront house loomed before them, its elegant structure casting long shadows under the morning sun. Y/n gazed up at it with a flicker of disdain. She had been here only once before, when Feyre had shown her around during its construction. They even had a room made for her, not that she’d appreciate it.

The rooms had felt cold and empty then, even with her sister’s warmth. Now, they felt like a cage.

Azriel led her inside without a word, his pace brisk and purposeful. The scent of fresh wood and lavender filled the air, but it only heightened her unease. The inside was as pristine and lifeless as she remembered. Her gaze flicked over the walls adorned with portraits, smiling faces of people she knew. But there were none of her, none of Nesta, and none of their mother. She felt the absence like a sharp knife to her chest. 

Y/n loved her mother dearly. With her, she had been different—kind, caring. Everything a mother should be. At least, that’s how Y/n remembered her. She had been four and a half when her mother had Nesta, and even at a young age, Y/n could recall how happy her mother had been before marrying her sisters’ father. He hadn’t been horrible to her; on the contrary, he had given her a luxurious life and loved her deeply. But she did not love him. She had married him for stability, and for Y/n’s sake, and then she had his children.

Although her mother grew colder with time, Y/n never felt the brunt of it. She had been her favorite, her constant, and she knew from a young age that she was destined to grow into a stubborn woman. Her mother had believed Elain would marry for love—she looked like a doll, after all. She trained Nesta to marry a prince and mostly ignored Feyre. Y/n, however, was simply allowed to be. She had been spoiled, indulged, never told no.

She had enjoyed dressing up, but not the attention that came with it. Balls were tolerated, not loved. She would attend one or two with her mother, then leave the rest for Nesta. She even endured dancing and etiquette lessons with her sister but never stayed long enough for them to leave an impression. They just didn’t interest her. What did interest her was adventure—exploring new places, finding hidden corners of their world. She had done that with her childhood friend. But that was a story for another time.

The scent of lavender snapped her back to the present, clashing with the memories that swirled like smoke in her mind. Those fleeting moments of joy and comfort felt so distant now, their warmth overshadowed by the cold reality of the house she now stood in.

Azriel led her into the spacious sitting room, where Feyre, Rhys, Amren, and Cassian were gathered, their expressions expectant. 

Y/n leaned against the doorway, crossing her arms as a smirk tugged at her lips.

“So, this is what kept you too busy to fetch me yourself?” Her tone was cutting, her gaze flicking to Feyre.

Rhys bristled immediately. “She doesn’t have to answer to you,” he snapped.

Feyre rested a calming hand on his arm, but her gaze remained steady on her sister. “You look like hell. I heard you had a rough night.”

Y/n tilted her head, her smirk widening. “That’s none of your concern.”

“It is,” Amren interjected, her voice like steel. “When you spend exorbitant sums on substances and parties...You and your sister.” She shook her head, clearly disappointed.

Y/n scoffed, ignoring her, and flicked her gaze back to Feyre. “Why is she even here?” 

“We’re here to have a discussion with you,” Feyre said evenly.

Y/n raised an eyebrow, feigning interest. “We? I don’t want to discuss anything with you.”

“You will sit and listen,” Rhys ordered, his voice cold.

Her posture straightened, her smirk vanishing. “Do not tell me what to do. I don’t take orders from you.” Her words were sharp, deliberate, and the tension in the room rose several notches. 

Cassian exhaled heavily, muttering under his breath. “Mother above. You are just like your sister.” 

Y/n turned to glare at him, her voice dripping with venom, “You say that like it’s a bad thing. Yet here you are, panting after her like a stray dog.”

“That is enough,” Feyre said sharply, her authority cutting through the brewing argument, before Cassian could respond. She turned to look at Rhys and the others. “I told you to keep out of it. You can either leave or stay and keep your mouths shut.” Then she focused on her sister again. “Y/n, you need to make some changes.”

“Like hell I do,” Y/n shot back.

Feyre softened her tone, standing up and taking a step closer. “Listen, I know you’ve had it rough. I understand how you’re feeling-”

“You understand nothing about how I’m feeling,” Y/n interrupted, her voice rising.

“Then talk to me,” Feyre pleaded. “Tell me.”

“I’d rather drown myself,” Y/n spat, her eyes flashing with defiance.

Feyre’s expression hardened. “And that’s exactly why things are going to have to change. Starting now.”

“Oh?” Y/n arched a brow, her smirk icy. “You think you can do anything about it?” 

Feyre squared her shoulders, her voice steady. “The life you’ve been living the past year is over. You will move to the House of Wind and train with Cassian and Nesta in Windhaven.”

A snort escaped Y/n as she shook her head. “Is this a joke?”

“No,” Feyre said. “Elain is packing your things as we speak. You’ll move in after this meeting.”

“I’ll do no such thing.”

Amren’s sharp voice cut through. “This is not up for negotiation.”

Y/n’s eyes narrowed, her defiance unwavering. “And if I refuse?”

“You’ll either go to the House of Wind or back to the mortal lands, Amren replied coldly, offering her the same deal they had offered Nesta.

“That’s not an option,” Feyre clarified quickly, casting a warning glance at Amren. Apparently, they forgot to mention to Amren that Y/n is not like Nesta. When it came to her pride, Y/n’s was a fortress, unyielding and absolute; she would sooner die than  allow anyone to tear her down. And seeing as she had wanted to leave long before the war with Hybern, this wasn’t an option. If they thought the threat of the mortal lands would deter her, they were sorely mistaken- she’d choose them in a heartbeat, and Feyre knew that.

Y/n’s grin returned, but it was colder, crueler. “Interesting. It’s like you knew what I’d choose.” She turned her mocking gaze to Feyre. “I’m not going back to that house.”

Feyre faltered for a moment. “Well, you can’t go back to your apartment either. You’ve burned through all your money,” Amren interjected coolly.

“Amren-” Feyre warned, her tone low, but Y/n cut her off.

“That’s fine,” Y/n said with a careless shrug. “There are plenty of ways to make money.”

“Rhys offered you so many positions, and you turned down every single one,” Feyre reminded her, her voice tight with frustration.

“And I never will. I will not work for your mate,” Y/n replied with a sneer.

“You wouldn’t last a day,” Cassian muttered. “Rhys could have every employer in Velaris turn you away with a single word.”

Y/n’s sharp gaze shifted to him, looking him up and down like he was nothing, a dangerous smile tugging at her lips. “And you think that would be a problem for me?” 

“I know it wouldn’t,” Feyre interjected. “And I know you’d rather go back to the mortal lands than face any of us or your problems, which is why that is not an option.”

Y/n’s smirk twisted, colder now. “Well, I’ll just walk there then.”

“Again, not an option,” Feyre repeated.

“So, what? You’re going to drag me to the House of Wind against my will?” Y/n’s voice dripped with mockery., her arms crossing tighter over her chest.

“If that’s what it takes,” Rhys said, his tone calm but his jaw tight with restraint.

“Lo and behold,” Y/n clapped her hands slowly, her smirk sharp. “The people fighting for freedom and free will are the same people who want to lock me up. Magnificent. Could’ve fooled me with that act.”

“Y/n, you’re not well,” Feyre pressed, her voice soft . “We’re not keeping you a prisoner.”

Y/n let out a short, bitter laugh. “Coming from the girl who let her ex lock her up for months and stayed with him? I don’t think you understand the definition of being a prisoner.”

“Do not talk to your sister like that,” Rhys said, his voice lowering as he rose up from his seat and took a step forward, his tone darkening. 

“Oh, so you and your self-righteous clowns are allowed to say and do whatever you like, but when someone else gives you a taste of your own medicine, you can’t handle it?” Y/n’s sharp gaze darted between Rhys and Feyre, her words deliberate.

Feyre took a breath, trying to steady herself. “Y/n, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Y/n shot back, her words biting. “You’d just tell me to move in with that brute and Nesta, that I’d have no say in the matter, and I’d just thank you for it?”

“I- I didn’t want it to come to this,” Feyre stammered, the weight of her words visible in her expression. “But with the amount of money you’ve spent on your nightly activities-”

“Oh! There it is.” Y/n cut her off, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. “You’re saying I owe you, aren’t you?”

Feyre flinched at the accusation but didn’t back down. She didn’t want to say that, but she knew  it was the only way Y/n would stay. If she felt like she owed someone a debt. So, she nodded.

“Because my life wasn’t enough for you. My help wasn’t enough?” Y/n’s said, her voice low, dripping with venom. “Fine, you got what you wanted. I’ll stay until my debt is paid.”

The silence that followed was heavy, every word reverberating in the space between them. Finally, Y/n’s tone dropped further, each word laced with ice. “I’d like a word with your High Lady. Alone.” This was the first time Y/n had called her sister that, the title a deliberate choice. The formality of it created a barrier, a cold, impersonal distance that made it clear just how far apart they had grown.

The others hesitated, exchanging glances, but eventually filed out of the room. Rhys lingered by the doorway, his dark gaze warning, before following the others into the hall. They stayed close to intervene, should things spiral out of control.

When it was just the two of them, Y/n spoke again. “Why the sudden care?”

“I’ve always cared, Y/n” Feyre reached out, her hand brushing her sister’s arm.

“Don’t touch me,” Y/n snapped, stepping back sharpy, her eyes blazing with something Feyre couldn’t quite name.

“Y/n, please. I’m your sister.”

“And you only remembered that now? Because I spent a little bit more than usual?” Y/n’s voice cracked slightly, but her expression remained hard.

“A little more than usual?” Feyre’s tone rose slightly, the tension breaking through. “Do you know how much money that was? How embarrassed I was when Rhys got the bill-”

“So that’s what this is about?” Y/n interrupted. “I embarrassed you in front of your new family?... I think you stopped caring about us the moment you became High Fae.”

“You think I stopped caring about you?” Feyre’s voice trembled, and for a moment, the hurt in her eyes was almost too much to bear. “If I did, would I allow you to stay here, disrespect everyone, spend our money recklessly, and destroy yourself?”

“We are here because of you!” Y/n shouted, the words spilling out in anger. “Sometimes, I wonder what our lives would’ve been like if you had stayed dead.” The words left her mouth faster than she could stop them. So cold, and sharper than any blade. It was the last thing she wanted to say to her sister, but now it hung in the air, irreversible. Feyre’s face crumpled, the weight of the statement hitting her like a blow. 

“Oh,” Feyre whispered, her voice barely audible. “I guess we’ll never know.” 

Y/n turned her gaze away, her expression unreadable, but her hands trembled slightly at her sides. “Once the debt is paid,” she said quietly, her voice devoid of emotion. “I want to leave. And I never want to see you again.” 

Feyre blinked, struggling to hold back tears. “Y/n, please-”

“No,” Y/n cut her off, her tone final. “We’re done.”

Y/n had perfected this- pushing away anyone who dared to show they cared about her. With those chilling words, she turned on her heel, striding to the door. She yanked it open and stepped into the hall, where the others stood waiting. Azriel’s heart ached at the sight of her in this state. He had stayed silent through it all, unable to find the right words or intervene in the confrontation. When she stepped out of the room, he couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. Instead, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor, the weight of his silence pressing heavily on him.

To Cassian’s surprise, Y/n didn’t say anything when he flew her to the house. The flight was quiet, the only sound the rhythmic beat of his wings and the rush of the wind. She stared right ahead, her posture tense but her face carefully blank.

They made sure to place Nesta and Y/n on two separate floors, seeing as they weren’t on speaking terms. No one knew why, and they didn’t dare ask. Feyre hoped they’d at least train together, but Y/n made it clear that she doesn’t wish to be in the same room as her sister. 

When they landed, Cassian let her step down before speaking. “You still have your Illyrian leathers from the war? You’ll need them tomorrow,” he asked, his tone carefully neutral.

“I’m never wearing that thing again,” Y/n replied, her tone icy.

“It’s going to be cold. You’ll need them.” He hesitated, clearly choosing his words carefully.

“You’ll be on your own floor. Nesta has settled in her old room. Mine is a level above, and Az’s is just down the hall from me,” Cassian informed her, his tone soft and cautious, despite the tension between them.

Y/n glanced around the sprawling House, her expression still unreadable. “He’ll stay here with us?” she asked flatly, her gaze flicking to the horizon.

“When he’s in Velaris, yes,” he replied, watching her closely. “Don’t worry, though. You won’t see him much.”

“Good.” Her voice was clipped, her eyes fixed on the mountains in the distance. But beneath her detached tone, a storm churned. The mention of Azriel, his proximity stirred emotions she couldn’t quite place, ones she had long since tried to bury. She had told herself it didn’t matter, that his presence or absence had no bearing on her. And yet, the idea of him being just down the hall brought with it an uneasy tension, one she refused to examine too closely.

Her gaze remained fixed on the distant peaks as though they could steady her. She couldn’t let her thoughts stray, couldn’t afford to acknowledge the flicker of something unfamiliar threading through her otherwise rigid defenses. It was nothing, she told herself firmly, Just an echo of some old familiarity. Nothing more.

Cassian tilted his head slightly, studying her before hesitantly asking. “Did something happen between you and Az?” 

Her head snapped toward him. “No. Why would you think that?” she replied dryly, her posture stiffening.

“It’s just… before the war, you two seemed to get closer and now-”

“Your observation is wrong,” she interrupted, her voice flat and dismissive. “There was nothing to begin with.”

“Whatever you say.” Cassian raised his hands slightly, signaling he wouldn’t push further. “You should eat something. You’ll need all the energy you can get for training tomorrow.”

“I’m not training with you. Especially not at that horrible place.”

Cassian’s brows furrowed, irritation flashing across his face. “Don’t you have a debt to repay?”

“I’d rather see that place burned to the ground than train there,” she snapped.

“You sound like Az,” Cassian muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he turned away.

—

That night was a horrible one for Y/n. She had nothing to dull the pain, to quiet the voices in her head, and mostly, to stop the nightmares. She screamed her father’s name in her sleep as she watched his death replay over and over again in her mind. 

Azriel had just returned from wherever he had been, and the sound of her screaming pulled him toward her room like a magnet. He stopped just outside her door, hesitating. He knew she didn’t want him there, or around, she had made that clear. She didn’t want his help, didn't want his presence, didn’t want anything to do with him since the war. But the sound of her suffering clawed at him, each scream like a blade twisting in his chest, a cruel reminder of how powerless he felt to reach her.

He debated whether to go in and wake her or just stand there and wait for the nightmare to pass. As another anguished cry shattered the silence, he decided to go with the former as he couldn’t just stand by and listen. He reached for the door, his resolve firm, until his shadows whispered, informing him that she had just woken up. 

His hand froze, hovering over the handle. Relief flooded him, but so did disappointment. He stood there, torn. He wanted to hold her, help her, tell her it would be okay, to be the comfort she wouldn’t let herself have. But he knew better. She would never let him in, not in that way- not now, not ever.

Inside, Y/n sat upright in the bed, her breathing ragged. She pressed her hands to her face, trying to block out the lingering images of her father’s death. The nightmares had been worse than usual, sharper, more vivid, without anything to dull the edges. She clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she tried to steady herself.

Azriel lingered outside her door for a moment longer, his shadows brushing against the wood like a quiet offering of solace. When the silence in her room stretched, he finally turned and walked away, his footsteps silent as he made his way to his own quarters.

Tags: : @st4r-girl-official @judig92 @5onedirection5 @nayaniasworld @blackgirlmagicforever @stained-glass-eyes0708 @slytherintaco @aehllita @nebarious  @t0uch-starved-h0e @bravo-delta-eccho  @sylvermoon @going-through-shit @latinxbipride @i-am-infinite @azrielrot @fuckingsimp4azriel @theravenphoenix26 @hanatsuki-hime @fantanbietsson @rcarbo1 @weasleymagic @secretsicanthideanymore @spymaster03 @elaselat @minnieoo

[etclouie]

congrats on 600!! could i ask for both 19 and 76 from the 100 dialogue prompts with sirius black please?

˚୨୧⋆｡ prompt/s; 19) "you really didn't notice that i was falling in love with you?" 76) "i'd do anything for you" — from 100 dialogue prompts

˚୨୧⋆｡ warnings; best friend!sirius x reader, sirius sabotages readers dates (it’s not explicitly described, just mentioned), they confess feelings, possible ooc sirius, insinuation to a date between them 

˚୨୧⋆｡ a/n; i’m still trying to get reqs out, trust🙏

— celebrate 600 with me?

you and Sirius were best friends, have been for as long as you could remember. the two of you practically joined at the hip, which never changed when he became friends with James and Remus. 

despite your closeness, you seemed to be unaware of Sirius’ feelings towards you. sure you’d noticed he had become more protective of you during fourth year, practically shooing off all the people you tried dating and audibly voicing his disliking to anyone you did manage to sleep with. 

after another ‘sabotaged’ date by Sirius, you were both in the Gryffindor common room. Sirius sat on one side of the couch with your legs draped across his lap, his hands soothing back and forth. everyone else was already in the dorms asleep, but not you two. you could both sit up for hours just talking, or like that one night you both sat in silence until you fell asleep together. 

“how come you keep getting my dates cancelled?”

the question came out before you could stop it, and Sirius stilled his hand on your shin. your words made him freeze, deep down he knew it was destined to come up at some point but just not now. 

a sigh fell from his lips before he ran a hand across his face, his eyes met yours again as he answered. 

“i may have.. you know, feelings for you”

in true Sirius Black nature, he tried to make any admission of his feeling inaudible. 

it wasn’t that he was embarrassed necessarily, he just was scared you’d reject him after all this time. 

“you have feelings for me?”

your voice stayed soft, not wanting to scare him off from your tone. he nodded in response before sighing again, a pink tinge coating his cheeks. 

“really? i mean, i’m flattered just— i didn’t expect you to like me”

that had him curling in on himself, worry settling in his stomach and something akin to a pout on his lips which you noticed straight away. just like you always did. you always noticed when he curled in on himself. 

moving your legs from his lap and reaching for one of his hands, pulling him in your direction and laying his head on your shoulder. 

“you really mean it Siri?”

your tone was different this time, hopeful almost. 

which had him lifting his head, his eyes pleading as they met yours while your fingers brushed his hair out of his face. 

“because i have feelings for you too, was too chicken shit to admit it”

a sigh of relief feel from his lips, his eyes shutting in the process as he lay his head on your shoulder again and further into your neck. 

humming softly as he pressed a kiss to your neck, your fingers tangling in his hair and softly scratching across his scalp as he spoke up. 

"you really didn't notice that i was falling in love with you?"

his voice came out muffled against your neck, your fingers softly pulling him back to meet his eyes again. moving your hand to cradle his jaw and soothing your thumb across his cheeks. 

“thought you just wanted to protect me from shitty dates”

both of you laughing softly at that, laying your head on his shoulder in return and curling into his side. his left arm hesitantly wrapping around your waist to pull you even closer against him, while he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. 

"i'd do anything for you"

shaking your head at his words before he was laying down on the couch, keeping you against his side and holding you as close as he could. your head lay on his shoulder and your left hand on his chest, his hand running up and down your side. 

you glanced up at him, his eyes already on you. your faces inches from the others and your breath fanning across his face as you whispered out to him. 

“clearly— with all the date sabotaging it should’ve been obvious”

he huffed, a pout tugging at his lips making you roll your eyes at him. 

your closeness made his heart thump in his chest, his mind racing and his feelings for you reaching an all time high. all he wanted was to lean in and kiss you, but he wanted to do right by you— even let you make an honest man out of him. 

“i won’t sabotage your next date i promise, ‘cause i was kinda hoping i’d be the one taking you”

⋆˚࿔ reblogs are highly appreciated 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

[wildshona]

Out of the Wet and In to the Wet

Fuck the weather was awful yesterday. Not that it is much better today either. Anyway while Chris was working in the study on organising a meeting requested by a Trump supported think-tank, Amelia, Zoe and I got our stuff together, called an uber and went off to Toni’s for a swim. We got wet just going from our block of flats to the uber and from the uber to Toni’s front door bur never mind we were going to be in a pool soon anyway.

Mrs Lewis met us and took us through to the pool. No Toni. So we went through to the changing room and got changed. No protests from Amelia this time about the bikini. We had been in the pool a few minutes when Toni arrived.

Sorry sweeties, I had to go to see a patient. Give me a moment.

And she just stripped off by the poolside and dived in. Well, of course she did.

Hello Princess Toni, squealed Zoe, doggy paddling up to her and throwing her arms round Toni’s neck. Hello Princess Munchkin came the reply. Shit, Zoe got there first and I wanted to get my hands on those glorious tits.

Well, the fun started splashing, chasing, playing sharks, Toni diving under the water and putting her hands on my cunt, on and on until it was obvious that Zoe was finally getting tired and we all got out and hit the loungers and Mrs Lewis arrived in that strange “I know when I’m needed way” with a tray of ice cream and red wine. She had removed Toni’s clothes from the poolside while we were swimming.

Still shy, Amelia, asked Toni.

Amelia muttered something I didn’t here and took off her bikini top. Yay, progress. We lay there for a while until Zoe was falling asleep and then we went through to the lounge so that Zoe could crash on a sofa. We just drank wine and chatted about nothing very much. Amelia looked self conscious being topless now that we were sitting in a lounge rather than sitting by a pool but she was definitely trapped so, like a good and polite woman, she lived with it.

With Zoe asleep Toni let her hands wander a little. I was sitting next to her as usual and she put an arm round me and played with my nipple and at one time a hand even gently stroked my thigh all the way to the edge of my cunt. I very nearly came then.

After an hour or so Zoe began to wake up and Toni announced that it would be dinner soon so we should all go to our rooms and dress. Toni showed Amelia and Zoe to their rooms as a reminder from the week before and I slipped off to mine. I wasn’t surprised to see clothes laid out for me. Clothes I had never seen before. A dark purple dress that flared down to mid calf like something Audrey Hepburn might have worn in the mid fifties. (Yes, I am totally in to old films). Well not exactly because the bodice was transparent. Then there were stockings and a suspender belt in black, no knickers and some purple high heels.

I showered first to get the pool chemicals off me and lightly washed my hair – it dries quickly anyway but – I thought – it might look stylish with that dress to have wet slicked back hair.

I was first back to the lounge in any case. Toni arrived soon after wearing a dress of similar length and flair to mine except in black and the bodice was tight corset style that pushed her beautiful tits up to create a breath taking cleavage. Amelia and Zoe were last down. Zoe was wearing another outfit straight out of a wholesome Disney movie. Amelia – well – Amelia was wearing a dress very similar to mine except in a deep blue. Her nipples were obvious under the transparent bodice. The red of her blush really set off the blue of her dress. Naughty Toni.

And so we ate and chatted like civilized people with giggly chat from Zoe about her being a princess who was visiting a princess in her castle. It really felt like that. All very relaxed. Even Amelia relaxed in the end despite her nipples getting hard as they rubbed against the fabric of her dress.

Then Zoe was off to bed. She even let Mrs Lewis carry her up with pronises of bedtime stories. She liked Mrs Lewis, the supplier of ice craem to the princesses.

Brandies back in the lounge.

Shona sweetie, why don’t you slip out of your dress?

Well, I’m not one to argue with Toni am I?

So I slipped out of my dress and then snuggled up to Toni with my legs stretched along the sofa and my cunt probably pretty obvious. And pretty obviously wet.

Does nudity bother you, Amelia? Toni asked.

No, I’m used to Shona hanging around naked. She rarely wore clothes when we were growing up.

You did though?

Yes, daddy said that sluts didn’t mind showing themselves off but good ladylike women didn’t.

Oh, aren’t I a good lady like woman? Toni asked all innocence.

Of course you are.

Toni stood up and looked down at me. Unhook me sweetie.

Obviously her wish was my command so my trembling fingers un-hooked the bodice. The dress fell to the floor releasing her oh so gorgeous tits. She was wearing a thong though so she was still more dressed than me.

There now a ladylike person is nearly naked, Toni said. And it sounded like a challenge, coming from that confident woman.

Amelia had been drinking wine for a while and now had had a brandy and I doubt she drank much living with daddy. She accepted the challenge.

Unhook me Shona.

I moved pretty fast and in no time Amelia’s dress had joined mine on the floor.

Toni looked Amelia up and down and smiled. She crossed the few steps to wear we stood, Amelia trembling and breathing heavily.

Toni kissed her lightly on the lips.

Well done, Amelia.

Her hand gently stroked down Amelia’s arm to her fingertips. She kissed her lightly again and then took my hand and led me back to her sofa,

Sit down Amelia and let’s talk.

I stretched out against Toni again and she taled to Amelia whilst idly playing with my clit and cunt, ignoring my occasional trembling and groaning as I came.

They spoke for a long time and I was hardly able to pay attention, my mind totally focussed on her fingers and my cunt. How could she hold a conversation at the same time as doing this to me?

The gist of the conversation as I remember it was that Toni would teach Amelia to be more independent and to show her that there was more pleasure to be had in the world than she imagined. She asked her to imagine the pleasure that I must be feeling right then as I gave myself in to my sexual nature and feelings. I think I came at exactly the right moment then.

First off, said Toni, which was an odd thing to say as it was pretty much the last thing. We are going to get you a whole new wardrobe. Will you be guided by me? Will you allow me to help you.

I heard a quiet yes, I opened my eyes and I swear Amelis was struggling not to touch herself as she watched me being pleasured.

Then the hand was gone. Noooooooooo.

Good, now I think it is time you went to get Zoe. Don’t rush.

This was as she moved her position and pushed me down between her legs. Amelia sisn’t rushe we had a full half hour in which I took off Toni’s soaked thong and gave her my tongue. Licking her clit and her cunt, serving her as I had been taught to serve a woman by Glenys so long ago. I am good at it. Yeah, that is bragging.

We just had time on top of Toni filling my mouth with her oh so sweet juices for Mrs Lewis to bring my clothes from wherever they had been and a robe for Toni before Amelia and Zoe arrived wearing the clothes they had arrived in which Amelia had found waiting in Zoe’s room.

A car was waiting and home we went, Amelia very quietly held my hand all the way home.

[nightmarevore]

i really wish i could sit in a mouth for a while when im tired and just be swallowed down when im ready. i wanna slip down someone’s throat and hear each swallow and get squished down and hugged. i want to hug their heart when im near it. i want to land in their stomach and sink into the walls. i want to be told i feel nice, i tasted nice. i want to be comfy. i want to be squeezed at and pressed at. i want to be wrapped in flesh of stomach walls

[electoons]

it fucking happened againnnn im about to anesthetize myself. iv supplies near me

[earmo-imni]

Not getting enough sleep Sucks Ass

[lunarsapphism]

.

[blujayonthewing]

I think about that time aubree got a casual hookup a lot I think largely because it was a time something nice happened to her with no downsides

[milo-is-rambling]

Chronic pain really got me going to bed before it’s even dark out (also my little pink unicorn lights Millie got me look so cool in the second pic)

[babygirlcowboy]

Tummy hurts head hurts wanna dig a little hole under a tree and curl up and go to sleep

[glitch-in-the-code]

(Good au)

Michael would ‘sneak’ downstairs to watch TV when he couldn’t fall asleep (which was often) and sometimes the only thing on would be soap operas, he’d never fully admit it, but he enjoyed watching them

Sometimes, William would be down there was well, finishing work or certain household chores that didn’t get down during the day

One night, William sat with Mike to watch an episode of his show because he was curious what all the fuss was about, he didn’t quite see the appeal but could tell Mike was thrilled to be able to talk about it

When Clara came downstairs in the morning, they’d both had fallen asleep, Michael resting his head on William’s shoulder

[llycaons]

clj 2/2

since I don’t have to get up early tomorrow and I have energy, here’s part 2. there’s genuinely some great dramatic performances in this section. it bodes well for hc’s actor

I forgot to say that last episode’s opening really confused me becaused they SHOWED dfqc and xlh meeting their respective ‘love interests’ but they apparently just immediately left? I wanted to see their reactions :( doesn’t think mean dfqc has to meet with xw now?

awww. I want her to meet someone and fall in love. I still think it should have been orchid but what can ya do

god poor danyin. look at her expression, so faithful and so mistreated for years. get danyin out of there and into the orchid/xw relationship too. liberate her with the knowledge she’s a lesbian

SAY IT. may not be strictly true for this situation but on a boarder scale everything IS his fault so she’s right

it’s hard to convey in screenshots, but this performance was just heartbreaking. by the subtlest of facial expressions and mannerisms, he made me want to cry for him. he’s clearly an exuberant and careless young person crushed by grief and trying to stay respectful, cheerful, and strong through it, and here he’s saying goodbye to people who made him truly happy before consigning himself to years of toil and bleak service

JIELI!!!!!! one thing this show has over cql is how central te female characters are to the plot. jieli’s brilliant and creative, and she makes things happen!

again, his performance here is so strong! it’s subtle, but he’s relieved, heartened by this reveal and energized by hope. wow! can’t wait to see his actor play hc (even if I don’t think the face is right for hc)

orchid’s expression here too is PERFECT

god damn he’s actually a great guy. maybe orchid SHOULD marry him

you can’t directly talk about love dude. it’s only episode 23. too direct

god she’s so fucking smart.there are three brain cells in this group and jieli has two, orchid has the third

also - is that a saying? fun!

oh great so now HE’S all serious about this 🙄 terrible timing bro

[wildbibliophile]

The ability to get rid of my tits when they make me feel awful? Bet.

[pleaseexcusemylameness]

sleep? i don’t know her.

[area51-escapee]

Living on an Air Force base also REALLY sucks if you’re 10-11 years old with an irrational fear of having a nuclear bomb dropped on your general area. I wasn’t scared of like regular bombs I specifically thought it would be nuclear in nature