#i could go more in depth on a few things but i didnt want this post to get TOOOOO long but basically

[sukioyakio]

“Use me then”- R. 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀

PART TWO IS OUT

Sukuna hadn’t been the best person in your life,he was a dumb fuck and he knew that.He knew he shouldn’t have left you alone when you needed him the most.

When you were pregnant with his baby girl.He knew he fucked up.Moreover his whole life has been fucked up,finding his parents died in a young age and how he knew that violence was the thing that bring him a long way.

Foster home wasn’t just hell but a free for all,only those who are willing to make a name out of themselves will get to see a future themselves.He would have to learn that having feeling is just a useless thing.

After being heartbroken by someone he thought he could love,after being someone punching bag for entertainment and being beaten almost to death.Scars all over him with each of them being a reminder of how bad it was for him.

He didn’t get to live a normal life when he was younger constantly fighting for himself.He became more cruel and more cold,no longer giving a fuck about anyone else.

He knew that nothing he could make up for his own mistakes for treating like you did anything to deserve it.

You both knew each other from college but that not when you guys started dating,you started to date after a one and a half year later.

You fell for him despite of his frigid behavior.You wanted to prove that you would be the best girlfriend.You were just a hopeless romantic and you didn’t care about his cold behavior.

And he just accepted it to only used you for his benefits.

But no matter what you did he’ll just blocked you out and constantly being used.And when you guys did it,he forgot to put the condom on and so a week later you had called him when he was flirting with some other girl at a bar.

he just told you that he’ll come later.

While he was cheating with you with someone else,you were excited about it,to tell him about the future you had thought about.And how you couldn’t wait to be a mother.

But when you had open the front doors to your apartment,something in your gut told you that you weren’t going to like this talk but you were love sick idiot for him and completely ignored that feeling.

When you were talking about how your day went,being animated and all.He nonchalantly told you just to get to the point.

You had such a big smile on when you announced it. “I’m pregnant! Sukuna I’m having your baby,we’ll be parents”

You looked at him with warm smile to only see his eyebrows furrowed down in an utter disbelief.You said it again guessing that he didn’t hear you correctly but his face made a unreadable expression as he started to walk towards the door.

All in that moment you could almost hear the tearing sound of your heart being broken into pieces and it hurt.

“Sukuna?”

“Sukuna?”

“Sukuna!?”

“SUKUNA?!?”

You yelled at him while running after him grabbing his wrists pleading with him,cause you didnt know if you’ll be okay with just yourself supporting a baby.Your lips were trembling and your every breath was like it was venom had token your lungs.

Tears were flowing down your cheeks.And he just stood there with complete silence.You began to beg for him to talk,for you guys to talk about it together.

“Please don’t l-leave me , p-please” you choke on your tears.Red optics eye bore into her widened,watering eyes.Finally saying something to you.

“I think it just better to break up” He says that and nothing more and then snatched off his hand now walking away leaving you alone with hot painful tears flowing down your cheeks.

The only thing you heard was the sounds of his Shoes slowly getting quieter until it was just silence.Your heart right there summer in the depths of your chest broken by your vision of love.

It was a vast expanse of emptiness,where even the smallest sound wouldn’t dare not tread the silence. [*]

A few years later Sukuna was now more stable than before,Having a big success with his company.

Making collaboration with other big brands and marketers.Having multiple modeling teams to make sure of his presence is well known and that only made a fan base of him.He was making multiple big deals that people would only dream off.

He was particularly smart at making sure that his company wouldn’t go down anything time soon.Even after all this success in Japan he would still have much more work to accomplish in others countries but he doesn’t have to worry about that right now.

He now had everything that he never had when he was young and everything he’ll need.Every decision he made was to make it all work in the end.

Right?

But some wounds weren’t meant to heal and some will eventually hurt you more than others.

When he left you he thought that he would be the best for him and for you too.He didn’t want any of unavoidable feeling of love,it wouldn’t do anything but drag him. He already knew at some point he was going to break up with you sometime soon.

But your voice of pain still rings throughout his head after all these years.Sometimes even coming back as nightmares or some sorts.

He thought that maybe if he just have nights stands he would get over it.It irritated him for some reason.He didn’t need some extra feelings of you.

But nothing worked,and now he’s sit in his office at random point of time thinking about what was the gender of his baby.

But now he knows that he is the worst father ever to have.And he didn’t have to hear those words from anyone else to tell him that.The better thing to do is just to move forward and forget about it.

It was just a normal day walking around the city without the need of being followed or being bothered by the paparazzi or whatever the case would be.

The sun light shining the city with a bright golden glow making the city warm.And with the sun shining it’s companion with the wind breeze keeping citizens of Tokyo from dying from the heat.In perfect sense it was a great day to go out and enjoy the day off.

Multiple citizens walked through the streets of Tokyo the streets were filled with lifeness sparkling with color all around and people walking with a smile or with a sense of urgent need to get to a certain place.While Sukuna didn’t have any place to go to so he just walked throughout the city even the high crime rates part of Tokyo.

The only reason he wasn’t getting bothered was because he had a black washable dye and it work wonders and having his tattoos covered by makeup. No one recognize him.

Now he made his way towards a park,to get away from the crowd of people.His body walking down the entrance of it.Completely in his head space enjoying the scenery.Not minding the children running around with their sequels.

Until he heard a voice in the group of parents with their children who were playing or watching their children play.

A distant Laughter came through the group there;A laugh he knew too well.His legs taking him towards that voice without even noticing his actions. His large figure making it way to move around,his eyes looking around in such an intense manner.

His body froze,his mind going silent.As his almost blood like eyes widened.His heart slowly beating against his chest.

He spotted a child with striking pink long hair with such a radiant laughter,a young girl that is made his heart began to filled with warmth.

Something that he thought was meaningless.

Sukuna’s heart raced with uncertainty as he faced the unknowingly future.

He just stood there watching the girl with an urge to ask the girl question.Whether if the girl dyed the hair pink or did she ever get to see her dad or-And then you showed In his view.

“There you are,you little troll” you spoke with a playful voice,grabbing your daughter and swinging her around in the air.You were smiling so care carefullyfree,with the little spawn of joy giggling wildly.

“PffhaHahhaha!!Stop it mom!Your gonna get me dizzy if uou continue” The young girl says as her laughter danced through the air like a soft melody.

The world blurs itself out as he watches you.when he sees you he immediately knows that you were something that shouldn’t have been token so dryly;all the nights were you were there for him,all the love you spent on him and what did he gave you in return.

Nothing,nothing not even a small amount of time of love to you.You have every right to hate him for that.

There a lot of ‘what if’s’ in his mind but one thing is certain that he would’ve had a family.

He probably didnt know that he was looking at you guys to long.That was until your eyes meet his making eye contact.

Their stares remained interlocked, neither of them making a move to look away.It you could tell who is his even with all the disguise.Your eyes widened with disbelief as Your face turned into an icy expression.You turned your head now forcing yourself to walk forward paying attention to your daughter that was in your arms.

Sukuna soul felt burdened with the echoes of her sorrows.

“It doesn’t matter now,at least that their better without me” Sukuna spoke in his mind,but he’s heart felt heavy like it knew that if he thinks by walking away from all this is going to make it better then he wrong.

Blinded by his own heart he walks after you,keeping his composure straight and stern.As he reaches his hand to lay his hand on your shoulder,getting your attention and your daughter as well.

Your head turned around to see his body but you stare up to see his ironic red eyes the same one you have nightmares about,the same one that broke your heart a thousand times.

The same blood like eyes that you fall in love with.

Your heart sting with dreadful pain just from looking at him,you knew it was him even if he’s hide his most dominant features.

Your daughter looks at you with concern that you don’t mistake it for sadness.

You place her down on the ground and whipser her something softly,to not her pretty face worry about it.You told her simply to wait and sit in the grass until she come back then they will get ice cream after and which she does.

Now paying mind to him as you changed your expression to the same icy expression.

“What do you want” You said straight to the point as you won’t allow yourself to break down again infront of him.

Nothing come out,because he didn’t know what to say to you,Nothing came out of his mouth.He usually always had something to say.

You couldn’t take it,you hated the man that stand in front of you.

”I doubt you’ll forgive me for all of this-

you instantly interrupted him.

“it too late for apologize Sukuna,you already showed me that I’ll have to be guarded when it comes to giving people my heart.”

You said heartlessly,almost with coming out hurt.But you didn't stop there,all the suspense emotions were coming out.

“God I hate you! I hate you for leaving me!!A simple Fucking sorry ISNT going to make up for the things you made me go through! You-tears falling down your cheeks rapidly-… I fucking hate you.I hate that I fell for you,g-Gave you my heart for what?”

You wipe off your tears.Your voice rising in pitch as your eyes brow knitting together in frustration and hands clenching tightly in a ball into fist.

“B-but I’ll n-never . . Hate you for her,for g-giving me a beautiful g-girl”

you said with a sad smile that quickly removed from your face,Your chest rising up and down.As you could hear the voices of the kids giggling in the background.

The tension between you and him was unpalatable,the air was so thick that it felt like he was going to suffocate.

A pair of warm hands warp around you pulling you into a warm embrace.

“I-I -a heavy sigh came out of his mouth- . . . Sorry,I don’t -no I know that you won’t forgive me.You have every reason to yell at me, . . tell me that I’m shit for everything.” His voice swiftly He felt your hands were pushing him away but he continued on his embrace.He could fell your tears dampen his clothes.

“L-let go of me . . . I Don’t h-have time for you-u,i don’t need you anymore in my life,Sukuna.So it better if we just don’t talk.”

His throat felt so dry like as if he didn’t drink any water.He fucked up so badly.A wound that would never heal.You politely removed your body from his embrace and wipe your face with your hands wiping off the tears.Now walking away from him and towards where your daughter was.

The wind blows gently through your body as you see your daughter playing around with a boy with black hair;smiling with joy, making you form a small smile.

You felt a hand on your shoulder immediately knowing it was Sukuna,you brushed off his hand off your shoulder.Before you could even get anything out your mouth.

“Use me then”

A shiver ran down her spine as his voice took on an eerie, otherworldly quality of vulnerability.That made her question if it was the wind that was playing with her mind or it just herself thinking that she heard him in such a state.

”what” You said with disbelief lancing your voice,Your uncertainty was reflected in your hesitant movements and furrowed brow.

You tilted your head in confusion,your eyes trying to discern the almost-too-serious expression on Sukuna face.Just for Sukuna repeat his words.

“Use me then” He said in a serious manner,His red eyes looking straight at you.He knew what he was saying was stupid and wouldn’t cure anything but it worth trying.

Your eyes widens lanced with disbelief.you let out a huff out laugh as you ran your finger though your hair.

“What . . No Sukuna,I-a deep shaky sigh gets out of your lungs- I told you I want nothing to deal with you” You said with a bit of raspiness to your voice from the crying and yelling.You eyes finally looking at Sukuna’s eyes.His eyes usually showed a stern cold expression but right now it soften and regretful glazes upon his blood like eyes.

“Use me then, Use me for money,for paying your bills,driving you and her placing,Use me for anything,it doesn’t matter” He said as you just notice how close he got to you.You could hear it now,it wasn’t your mind playing tricks on you;you could hear that vulnerability in his voice so much clearer.

You didn’t know what to say or respond to him,your mouth was shut and like it sealed up.That until you felt a strong hit towards your knee,to only see your daughter squealing.

“MOMM!! Hahah-HELp me!!Before Cole Comes and get me!!” Your daughter says with A loud giggle as She let go of your legs and runs a distance away from you and Sukuna to get playfully tackled by a boy with black hair and purple eyes.

You hadn’t completely forgotten his offer,You take a deep breath before looking at your phone to see how much time as pass.

His eyes were dead set on you but You can see that he’s eyes had a bit of amusement in them.To you you could recognize him even if he had black hair or hide his tattoos on his face and body,you could still tell it him from his red ironic eyes.His body cast a shadow over you.

“I-ill think about this later” You said,now completely walking towards your daughter.With head now full of thoughts now.As you smiling see your daughter ‘Nova ryomen’ Tackling the boy down with a playful smirk on her soft cheek.

You told her that it time to go home and to say goodbye to the boy,which she kinda refused to do having a big sad pout of your cute little face.But she eventually did,as you hold her hand in and then taking her to a ice cream shop for her.You order with a genuine smile on your lips as you watched her eat her ice cream while you guys were walking towards the house.

“use me then”

his words were repeated in your head like a curse.You don’t need him anyway right?You just gotta keep moving forward even if life isn’t the best for you but it could be and will be better for nova.That night you had received a text from a unknown person but you ignore it went to sleep.

Credits to my lovely editor(my bestie) who I made her read this 🫶.

tag list: @10yo-anonnie @scoobysnakz @lynxslokley @kenntolog

+anyone want to be tagged in part2

@mononijikayu

Made by @sukioyakio

reblogs, likes and shares are always welcome and appreciated

If anyone has any comments of suggestion of part two then be my guest

PART TWO IS OUT NOW!!

[roseworth]

who are the people you think jason actually cares about?

ohhh this is such a good question bc jason shows "caring" in so many fucked up ways <3 im only going off pre-52 canon because i do not like acknowledging rhato or anything that happened after that. so unfortunately i will not be going into an extensive rant about jason and rose 😔

so firstly and most obviously. jason cares about bruce a lot. everything in under the red hood and lost days and everything after that hinges on the fact that jason genuinely cares about bruce and cares what he thinks about him. if jason didnt care about bruce, none of it would've mattered. but the fact that he cares changes everything

with bruce, its not really care in the sense that he wants him to be okay and safe, but more that he wants bruce to show that he cares about him. he doesnt really give a shit about protecting bruce, mostly because he knows that bruce can protect himself so jason doesnt need to do anything. but even when he wants bruce dead, its still more about what bruce thinks of him than actually wanting him to die. its not main canon but the arkham knight comics show this really well since jason's only goal in that universe is to kill bruce, but every time he's close to death in the comics jason steps in to save him because he won't let bruce die if it isnt jason who kills him. then a good main canon example is ofc in lost days when jason puts a bomb in the batmobile, then chooses not to detonate it because bruce would die without knowing it was jason who killed him

red hood: lost days #2

also worth mentioning that jason actually explains what hes thinking In Depth to bruce. he wants bruce to understand him so he lays out exactly what hes doing and why. jason is so open about his emotions to Only bruce because hes desperate for his father to understand him. if he didnt care about bruce he wouldnt care what bruce thinks, but he openly shows everything to bruce because he WANTS him to understand. obviously this is not open honest healthy communication because its usually communicated by screaming while theyre punching each other. but its still worth something

another obvious one to me is talia <3 shes the only other person that hes ever really open and honest with, and hes not even screaming at her! he tells her what hes thinking most of the time, and he constantly goes back to her for help when he needs it.

lost days #3

im not gonna sit here and say that jason and talia have a super healthy relationship but. its by far the healthiest relationship he has post-death! even though iirc we never see them interact again after lost days (🙂) he still cares about her a lot and shes such an important part of his life

moving on. dick

dick is one of the only people we see jason go out of his way to talk to without fighting (sort of. they do end up fighting but he still just wanted to chat). without going into whatever the hell is going on in brothers in blood (affectionate! its camp!) he just wants to find dick and talk to him. hes being an asshole about it because hes jason but he became nightwing because there was a need for A Nightwing so he filled in, then he goes "omg dick my favorite brother lets team uppppp 😁 itll be so fun 😁"

nightwing #119

then in outsiders, jason comes to dick just to give him information. they end up fighting again because they both suck but there was no secret plot or ulterior motive, he just wanted to help black lightning and tell dick what he could do

outsiders #44

once again hes an asshole so its hard to tell but he does actually like & care about dick

okay. now its time for a controversial one. in a weird way i think mia is one of the few people he cares about

LISTEN. listen. im a mia fan so this is not just me being a jason fan and making everything with her about him. and im not saying "everything he did was fine actually because he did it out of love ☺️" NO he did it because hes fucked in the head. and i love him

so heres the thing. we see him with people he doesnt care about all the time. he beats the shit out of tim for no reason and generally makes peoples lives harder for fun. but its so different with mia. in a way he sees her as an extension of himself because he recognizes how similar they are, so hes genuinely just trying to get through to her. hes fighting her because its the only way he can get her to listen and really drive his point home! again, he sees so much of himself in her so hes basically using this moment to tell her everything that he would tell his past self after everything hes gone through. hes not trying to convince her, hes trying to convince baby jaybin.

green arrow #72

i love this scene so much. there are emotions you can only unlock by being insane about jason and mia at the same time and reading this scene. he is projecting so much onto her in this moment that in a roundabout way he really cares about what happens to her. i am the only person on earth with correct opinions about the jason and mia fight btw

anyways moving on to sasha/scarlet

honestly i dont like talking about scarlet because i feel like everything in that story is out of character for him, especially the idea that he would take in a kid sidekick. but if im talking about people he cared about pre-52 i dont want to leave her out

batman and robin #4

he doesnt really show care like this a lot (which is part of the reason it feels out of character but whatever) and its so significant to see that he just. actually cares about her. he knows that shes going through something difficult so hes there for her. in a way the same feelings are there as when he talks to mia (he sees himself in her and wants to tell her everything he wishes he had known at that age) but shes a lot more receptive given that he was the first person that took her in after what happened. that is not a good thing because he took a traumatized child and got her to kill people but we've already established that hes fucked in the head <3 but he actually cares about her and wants to protect her, so its the most normal way he shows that he cares about someone

and now i NEED to talk about donna

if you notice a pattern you'll see that most of the people that he cares about are either people he knew before he died or people that he projects onto. and lucky for donna shes both!

countdown #48

he still looks up to donna like he did when he was robin, and after what she went through (im not gonna bother questioning why he knows all the details of everything that happened to her. comics) he sees so much of himself in her but she obviously went down a completely different path and he doesnt agree with her but he clearly respects her for it. and she is once again one of the only people who he goes out of his way to just! have a conversation with! without fighting her! he just wants to chat with his buddy donna :( not to mention idk who pointed it out but i once saw someone say that he specifically destroyed donna's statue in teen titans #29 because!!! he cared about her!!!! they got along when he was robin and he wanted to see her!!

and even throughout countdown jason was rarely mad at donna. he fought with kyle allllll the time and sometimes donna yelled at him because hes an asshole but he never tried to pick a fight with donna! which means that donna is the only person on this list that he has never tried to fight and/or kill <3 donna & jason #1 one-sided besties of all time

okay anyways ill stop yapping now <3 in conclusion: bruce talia dick mia sasha donna

[blackdollette]

hihi!! kappa request!

this is gonna be a wild one! he’s a hard dom and likes kn!feplay, i want him to be mean and rough pleaseeeee. like if he was taking stuff out on us but can we get some aftercare too please???

your work gets me through the absolute most boring college days thank you for being here !!

omg that's so real. i write most of my fics during school.

"got a knife in my shirt." | kappa

peppers. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999 @josibunn @si1nful-symph0ny @livingdead-materialgirl @vanlisbon @oliviah-25 @livingdead-reilly @yungbloodsuxca @imoonkiss @lankysimp @xxbl00d-cl0txx @k1ll3rh0rr0r @wildathevrt@mommymilkers0526

female!reader x kappa

word count: 984

contents: knife play (do not read if uncomfy!), blood, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected p in v, overstimulation

the look of intense fear in your eyes made kappa think for a moment that this was all too much for you. but this was the same girl who had orgasmed 16 times in one night and only passed out twice. so he knew that you could handle this.

he had you laying on your back on a cold bed, a ball gag in your mouth and your limbs tied up. it didn’t help that you were completely stripped too. your nipples had become erect from the draft that came in from the open window. it was almost as if you could feel the disapproved gazes from above, but that didnt matter to you right then. 

kappa dragged his sharp blade along the lines of your collarbones, seeing your skin gleam with a tinge of red. you winced, inhaling sharply as he drew a thin line of blood. a grin tugged at his lips like he only gained more pleasure from seeing you in pain. 

he grabbed a fistful of your hair, yanking the gag out of your mouth and kissing you with a deep hunger and desire that he longed to release. you squirmed underneath him, wanting to wrap your arms around him in an embrace but not being able to because of the circumstances he put you in. 

he deepened the kiss, using his tongue to explore the depths of your mouth as he used the side of his blade to play with your throbbing cunt, drawing a few strings of wetness from your hole. 

he pulled away abruptly, bringing his mouth to your ear as you panted through your swollen lips. “i bet you know what you’re in for tonight. i am going to make you feel pain like never before, but you can take it for me, right?” he phrased the question innocently as he stared daggers at you, daring you to say the wrong thing. you nodded frantically, an unearthly heat pooling in your core.

he forced your legs into the air, giving your ass a harsh slap as he watched you grind your clit on the knife. he pushed your legs apart as far as they would go without straining against the rope too much. then he brought himself down so that he was face to face with your pussy. 

“look how wet you already are… you’re a nasty girl, arent you..?” he cooed mockingly, using his thumb to toy with the clit as he slipped his middle finger into you. you whimpered, watching as he dragged the knife down the back of your thigh, using the pleasure counterbalancing the pain he inflicted. 

and that’s when you noticed the switch in his eyes. you knew that he had been being unusually sweet this entire time, but now he was going for it. he hungrily began sucking on your pussy, feasting on it like a predator that had been waiting before striking its prey. you screamed out, your moans bouncing off the walls as drops of blood flowed down your leg.

he went ahead and shoved four of his fingers into you, making you shiver from feeling so full but so deprived at the same time. his rhythm was perfect. you were trembling from the overwhelming feeling but wanted to bed him to never stop. he curled his fingers inside of you, pressing them against your bladder and making sure to hit your sweet spot with every thrust.

you felt your stomach churn everytime he drew a new pattern on your bleeding flesh with his knife, but you were helpless to stop it. he brought his mouth away from your dripping cunt, spitting on it before giving it a slap, making you jump.

he got on top of you, his gaze radiating malice and cruel intentions. you felt him whip out his cock, the rock-hard tip slapping against your puffy clit. you couldn’t help but whine, causing him to grip your jaw firmly, speaking darkly.

“i don’t wanna hear a single goddamn sound of your mouth, you hear?” he brought the knife to your throat, making you shiver. you knew he would never actually kill you, but he was a master at making your blood race with fear.

he lined up his cock with your gushy entrance, letting out a low groan as he pushed himself into your deep core. then he began pounding into you, not even giving you a second to adjust. as he slammed himself into your gummy walls, you felt tears rolling down your cheeks as you felt that familiar knot in your stomach.

this was only the first round but you were already losing it, clinging onto him as he rearranged your guts. “k-kappa..! i’m-” you couldn’t even get your words out before your found yourself cumming all over him, hot sticky liquid spilling out of your hole as you choked out a sob.

but he didn’t stop. in fact, you saw anger flicker through his eyes as wrapped his hand around your throat. “think you can cum without my permission, hm?” he thrusted into you slowly but much deeper than before, making your back arch. “i’m not gonna be done with you for a long time, so hold on tight.” your blood ran cold at that statement, but there was nothing you could do.

he went on for hours and hours, using you and tossing you around like a ragdoll until the sun began to rise. you were lying on your stomach, panting as your body shook from overstimulation. kappa wasn’t in the room right now, so you took that opportunity as a chance to regain your composure. 

your hole was filled to the brim, still throbbing as it attempted to recover from the night you just had. then you heard his slow steps walking back into the room, stopping right by the bed as he crouched down beside you and stroked your cheek gently. he whispered softly, not wanting to startle you. “hey angel. i’ve got a nice, warm bath ready for you.”

you nodded slowly, sitting up with a struggle until he picked you up bridal style and took you to the bathroom himself. he set you into the soapy bath, using a soft sponge to clean some of the blood off you. then you met his eyes and saw a gentle smile on his face. he brought his lips to your forehead, planting a little kiss onto it as he spoke one last time.

“you’re all mine, angel. all mine.”

author's note: thank you all for 900 followers!

[helpallthenamesaretaken]

EP 4 was just mostly talking and conversations, but there was so much depth THAT I MUST TALK ABOUT IT.

I could literally feel the anguish exuding out of Sally trying to teach Percy to swim

Ngl i was a lil skeptical about azrien’s acting but hearing that scream changed everything

“Hey, you still sleeping?” “Yes” she’s so relatable i love it

i thought we were going to wait until the zebra truck scene for the trauma bonding but we got some of it now which is cool and also makes me wonder whether they’re going to take it to a whole level in the zebra truck scene

I kinda like how annabeth knows so much about grover their dynamic in the show is just so chef’s kiss

I dont know if the whole “thalia made me earn it” thing is canon but its an interesting spin on their dynamic

Grover is such a mood pls shoutout to grover (this episode focused a lil more on percy and annabeth’s dynamic)

Its interesting how they changed frederick chase in the show. In the book frederick never wanted annabeth but in the show frederick loved annabeth. It makes more sense now that percy asks her to go back especially in the books, that was very controversial to have annabeth seem like she was overexaggerating about what she went through with them

i was waiting for them to introduce the searcher pan stuff i almost thought they’d erased it, thankfully they brought it up

ANNABETH’S FACE WHEN THE COP CALLED HER A “LITTLE GIRL” LEAH YOU’RE A ROCKSTAR

Medusa>>>>echidna in the show IM SORRY ECHIDNA WOULDN’T STOP TALKING

The architect in annabeth is coming out i hope she explicitly talks about it later on

I don’t think the writers knew what to do with grover when percy and annabeth were talking so they just made annabeth a little unnecessarily rude for some reason?? At least its better than the movies, where annabeth and grover just WALK AWAY from hermes and percy

i didnt expect the random posh voice it threw me off but it was so funny

OK but can someone help me with this? Percy in this scene says “i have a gift” to annabeth? Could someone pls explain? What gift?

Last episode i was cringing at the screen at percy for the “can’t we just call your mom?” This episode i was cringing at the screen for annabeth’s “you wanna say hi to your dad :))))” these kids have no sense of touchy subjects do they

you’ve done so much more to me in the past few days than poseidon has done in my whole life. If i have to stick with somebody, i—“ “be careful, you were about to call me a friend” THIS DIALOGUE IS SO PRECIOUS ITS WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS

Im suspicious about the percabething this series is doing so far, i feel like its too early, its giving me a feeling that there’s going to be some big angst thats going to happen later on to break the world

When Percy fell, i was genuinely thinking he was going to give annabeth a hug lol (“wow annabeth no you are my friend!!” Something like that)

alexa play jump and fall by ts

I love that they’re expanding the consequences that came with sending medusa’s head to olympus, and how it negatively impacted annabeth, which will probably turn angsty later on

Also, percy looks half dead

The plan to push annabeth into the stairs was executed so smoothly wow

i like they are exploring the very concerning side of percy too, the part of him thats like “im the useless one im ready to die no probs” ALSO THALIA PARALLELS THEY’RE DEF GONNA TOUCH ON THAT NEXT EPISODE

i like how the water grabbed percy like a little tunnel

Its so funny how the nereid says poseidon’s name and percy just starts struggling more like “HELL NO”

THE PARALLELS OF THE START OF THE EPISODE OF PERCY TELLING SALLY TO BREATHE AND THE END OF THE EPISODE OF NEREID TELLING PERCY TO BREATHE

What the heck is that throne thing? Why is percy turning golden? What is happening? HUGGGGGG!! (Too early, as i said), oh look ares—OMG ITS ARES!!

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/739064506502791168/fandom-problem-4499-i-think-sometimes-people-get

Thing is op

People like to use "coded" as an excuse to harrass others over a fictional character

"this character is minor-coded therefor if you like them or draw them sexy then you are a pedo"

"this character is gay-coded so if you ship them qith the opposite gender your homophobic"

"this character is autism-coded so if you dont see them that way you are ableist."

"this character is poc coded and if you dont portray them that way then you are racist"

And then they go and rip people to shreds over it. And most of the time they are actually "coded" as anything.

Ill give you a good example as to why coding should just fucking die in fandom.

In transformers (all of them afaik) there is a sentient ROBOT named Jazz. He is often voiced by a black voice actor, even in the early days of Generation 1 in 1984. Though it changes a few times Jazz is well known for his accented voice. Jazz (the music) is also known to be pioneered by black people.

In a way jazz is black coded. He is designed with all these elements related to black people.

The thing is. Jazz is a fucking robot. "Jazz" is the name he chose for himself because his cybertronian name does not translate or cannot be spoken by humans. Jazz is also a type of music he only heard when he arrived on earth and is something he loves, hence why he chose the name. He chooses to express himself in such a way because its what he enjoys.

It does not mean he is black. A white person can do all that because they have a love for jazz music. It isnt going to make them "black coded"

He is also again, a robot. Not human. Not even organic.

However of all the problems ive seen in the TF fandom the one about whether you should draw a human version of Jazz as black or white is probably the one thats sets people who give a shit off the most.

It doesn't matter what characteristics a character has. It doesnt matter if Jazz is drawn as black or white. Cuz he isn't human. Its literally up to fan interpretation and none of them are wrong but people want to shit fling, and react hostile over others not drawing him as black anyway.

Same could be said about a certain more popular pink skinned character (who is also human and japanese but when have people ever viewed japanese people as important.)

You can have your queer coded villains. Doesn't actually say they are queer. Hell in the past it would be done as a way to demonize queerness and traits. But queer people still loved those villains because they could relate to their tragedies.

What "coding" actually is, is a part of the design process to add depth and character. It's an inspiration born from reality. But it's not always that the character is meant to be that thing.

Theres a character from genshin impact i could say is "DID-coded" because when she falls alseep or is so stressed she passes out there is another version of her that takes her place that she doesnt know about.

In the same vein theres the game "At Dead of Night" (recommend it, its a horror game) where the main antagonist is possessed and murders people. They even had to put a disclaimer that the character didnt have DID and the game wasnt made to demonize people with DID or portray them as unstable serial killers. However despite the creators saying that, fans still "DID-code" the antagonist, not out of hatred for people with DID but because some people with DID still relate to the character. Not so much the killing people but the struggle the antagonist has with "being possessed". Having DID can be a frustrating and tiring experience and not many cope with it very well even when they do no harm. Feeling of loss of control is very relatable even without DID.

Regardless the rampant "coding everything trend" in fandom has caused a new "ship war" like wave of harrassment. If you dont view a character this was your a horrible person and you deserve *insert graphic content and threats of harm and suibaiting and more*

coding can be a cool thing to discover while analyzing a character or even creating one. But its become hated with good reason because people have no reason left in them. Coding is a cool way of adding depth and nuance to a character and would actually REALLY help beginners with their "bland" characters. Unfortunately even thats discouraged, since it can be seen as "baiting" or "stereotyping" and sometimes appropriating culture. (But a giant sentient robot making his entire personality about jazz music isn't? Lol)

Posting since this is a response to a previous problem.

[helluvabossrewrite45]

Thank you thank you for saying depth doesn't equal sympathetic. So what is you're rewrite on stella

Since stella has such little depth, I plan on expanding aspects of her character as well as her background in order to flesh her out more. Starting with her anger, from what we seen of her in the series, she's a very aggressive character who cares about status. So, I plan to expand on that with her backstory. You see, she was raised on a family that while very family oriented, also made status their main priority especially when they arrange their daughter to marry stolas without her agency which she goes along with regardless of not being interested in stolas at all just because she doesn't want to be judged (also the arranged marriage thing would be for continuing stolas's legacy where they would be 17-18, an idea inspired by lovesart23, i think hell would just see marriage as convenient rather than something precious like heaven would). So naturally, she strives for perfection, both herself and the people around here, and would scorn to people that dont conform to that perfection (such as stolas), she would be emotionally abusive towards stolas though more subtly for via not to notice it as abuse as well the as people around her not to notice this. She is condescending calm whenever she abuse stolas and only gets aggressive when he 'crosses the line' such as their daughter coming from surrogacy (since both clearly dont want to have sex with each other and stella decides to go through a surrogate out of pity for stolas) to which they made fun of her for doing so with making jokes like being useless, being non satisfying for stolas or the surrogate couldve replaced her if she didnt want to do her 'job' in which she takes it out on stolas, using one of the few times she shows kindness towards him as a weapon. As we can see there, she takes her frustrations out on stolas and acts like he is the one causing these problems because of their arranged marriage even when he himself was forced into it as well. The most recent 'crossing the line' is stolas cheating on her with an imp (which he did actually do) to which stella was furious of because a royal with an imp is unheard of and she knows she would be the blame for it (as seen with the surrogacy thing), causing her aggressiveness to go so high that she takes an extra step in wanting to murder stolas for ruining her life. She does reconsider eventually from her family informing her that they could still recover if she could 'show' that she fixed him from that which is what she tried to do but instead, gets divorced, which further the fury of news outlets as well as the family has with this (mostly stella's side of the family, stolas side of the family doesnt care for their marriage besides from another 'stolas' to take over the part and stolas screwing an imp), retaining her plan of murdering stolas through striker after all. Her relationship with octavia is like a strict teacher x student, because she doesnt exactly view her as a daughter, rather than an heir to the grimoire, encouraging her to keep studying and practicing the grimoire and would take her out to somewhere or buy her something if shes deemed 'worthy' to though have harsh scornings if she doesnt. At the end of the story though, she'll realise that she doesnt have anyone left, not her daughter, not her family, not even her brother...throughout how she treated the people around her, she remains alone...leaving her character open to what she do after. Her character is clearly not sympathetic but she does have at least some depth towards her that makes her character more effective in the story, which i hope i delivered well.

[mbat]

!! these were made using bases !! the bases will be linked below the cut!!

the cut is so the post isnt too long to scroll past, but also i will be talking about the au in it!!

decided to draw my own take on adult flurry heart, mostly so i could draw my own take on opaline in the au where opaline is like a nightmare moon of flurry heart. if youre wondering who the third pony is, its chrysalis' disguise for the au, named gentle heart.

flurry hearts base:

opalines bases (one for the body, the other was only for one of the wings):

gentle heart/chrysalis' base:

i had to use bases because ive been in such a weird art block lately, i just couldnt draw bodies right, but i was having this idea and i just had to get it out of me lol. i drew everything else just fine, idk why i couldnt draw bodies. shout out to elementbases on deviantart for having a lot of good mlp bases! and organized into categories no less!

btw for reference for adult flurry heart i mainly used images of her only adult appearance which was in some mobile game ?? i never played it but its real and its the only time we see her as an adult, though i dont think we get any details about her aside from how she looks. i just wanted to say that cause idk how many people know about it.

also yes her cutie mark is different between versions of her

so this is an au ive been tossing around for a while, especially since it started out as a half-theory i had about g5 before it truly did set in that they were just fucking up the entire thing (no hate to g5 or anyone who likes it but im personally just. disappointed), namely when they were like 'oh yeah opaline is just some alicorn that celestia and luna knew as kids and when they didnt want to play with her she held onto that for thousands of years and became evil over it'

also apparently the reason equestria is separated is because she just. idk whispered mean things in everyones ears? idk man i dont read the mlp comics, i plan to read g4s comics but not g5s. i didnt even know g5 had comics until i looked up why the pony kinds were separate.

anyway the idea was a theory because before all that we had no idea who opaline was, why there was some random alicorn, i mean, weve seen so few throughout g4! she was so mysterious for that, and i feel like the most popular idea was that she was flurry heart, since that was one of the few alicorns we knew of, and flurry is such a blank slate, especially since we dont technically ever see her adult form (with one exception)

i still personally think they shouldve gone that route but i know now that they wouldnt have, they probably wouldnt have wanted to give one of their previous characters, especially one like flurry, any bad traits or make her a villain, even though it would be such a cool idea. not to mention, they couldve redeemed her? idk man. worse villains have been redeemed lol

on to my au though. i wanted to keep it feeling like it couldve been canon but also stretching it just a little bit to make maybe more sense and also be more my creation, yknow?

we see at the end of g4 that chrysalis is trapped in stone alongside the other two villains she was working with, but we also know that these stone prisons can still be escaped, as we saw in discords introduction. my idea is that the stone is kept locked up, but unattended to, and she escapes, though her fellow villains dont. the specific details will be saved for if i go more in depth on all of this somewhere else lol

she develops a plan, that being to disguise herself as a normal pony, and to become staff at the crystal empire castle. that disguise is gentle heart, a name she literally made up because she was mocking the 'stupid' (from her perspective) names that ponies have, and she just kept it. while she works at the castle, she gets close to a young flurry heart.

she acts very extremely sickeningly nice and sweet in this disguise, but theres an uncanniness to it, a disingenuine undertone that is only noticeable when youre looking for it, really. flurry heart comes to love and trust her as a friend, and gentle heart isnt seen as suspicious to really anyone in the castle. people still think chrysalis is trapped in stone, after all.

her next step in the plan, however, is that when no one else is around, she shapeshifts herself into cadence or shining armor, and acts like a horrible parent to flurry heart. this creates a deep disconnect for flurry, as one moment her parents are the best ever, and the next they arent. if flurry tries to bring this up to them, they have no idea what shes talking about.

flurry begins to confide in gentle heart about this, and gentle heart begins to plant the idea in flurrys head that she should run away, and that gentle could run away with her. after a while of this, flurry finally decides to do this.

they run far, far away together, flurry being a child/young teenager, and they hide where no one else really goes, far from towns and pretty much any ponies. (this location hasnt been chosen yet but its not the mooost relevant? the basic point is that theyre hidden away) and they set up a home here.

soon in, gentle heart makes a decision. she shows her true form to flurry heart, a flurry heart who was never taught about how changelings used to be before their reformation, as her parents thought it was a conversation for when she was older. they didnt want her to feel paranoid, or scared. the changelings she knows are bright, and covered in generally round shapes. theyre not like the jagged and dark chrysalis.

gentle heart tells flurry that she was cursed. that her pony form is her true form, but she was cursed by the princesses to be in this form. being in her pony form drains her of energy, her changeling form recharges that energy. really, its just her excuse to not need to be in that pony form anymore. she tells flurry that she was cursed falsely, accused of a crime she did not commit. that she was made to work at the crystal castle so an eye could be kept on her. she asks to be called chrysalis, as being called gentle heart in this form feels wrong.

chrysalis right now is the only person in the world that flurry heart trusts, so she accepts this as truth.

as flurry heart grows up, chrysalis begins to plant ideas in her head that the other ponies are awful and horrible, just like her parents seemingly were. that flurry heart is better than all of them because shes not horrible, and on top of that, shes a natural alicorn. there hasnt been a natural born alicorn in thousands of years before her. flurry heart begins to believe all of this too. she doesnt have anyone or anything else to tell or show her otherwise.

these dark beliefs warp her appearance overtime, making her go from her parents daughter, into what we know as opaline, akin to princess luna turning into nightmare moon. she becomes annoyed with, averse to her cutesy name she was given by her family, and adopts the name opaline, both because of her crystal cutie mark, and because part of her still thinks of the crystal empire as her home, though now more like its hers to own someday.

speaking of, into her adulthood, opaline and chrysalis form a plan. a plan to take over equestria. the idea of being the ruler of all of pony kind was a natural conclusion that chrysalis wanted opaline to make, and so she did. their first step was to invade the crystal castle and take it over.

chrysalis tells her that cadence was never a fighter, so she shouldnt be an issue, but shining armor would be. if both chrysalis and opaline combined their power, they would easily overpower him and anyone else daring to fight them. the thing is... this works.

for a few reasons, actually. people were shocked at the return of chrysalis, and on top of that, despite her warped appearance, opaline was recognized as flurry heart. there isnt exactly many alicorns, and especially none that look similar to her. there was a fight put up, but not at full power. no one wanted to hurt the lost princess.

she takes over the empire, trapping any who oppose her, especially her parents. she doesnt even give them the option to talk to her. she plunges the empire back in dark days, not in the way that sombra did entirely, but still. shes strict on her subjects, and begins to make them like a military, planning to use them to invade canterlot. anyone who would dare come to attack the empire would be held off.

after she knows her subjects are loyal (terrified), and properly molded into an army, she storms canterlot, chrysalis by her side. its a hard fight, but they do it. they trap the other princesses, and they take over.

opalines first rule of business is to make the crystal empire the new capital, the new seat of power. for a while, this is the most drastic thing she does, otherwise going slow with her horrid ideas and changes.

the worse comes when shes already caused distrust and discomfort among ponykind, pitting ponies against eachother. she begins to decree that ponykind must be separated by type, designating towns to each, forcing ponies apart by law. she made sure it was enforced. she didnt need ponies coming together to rise against her, so she forced them apart. the damage is done.

this of course doesnt last forever. twilight is free and gathers the elements, and they take opaline by surprise, ending her reign. they empty the empire and trap her alone in her castle. thing is, she also trapped them in a limbo-like state, along with the other princesses (and her father), as they had also tried to join the fight. and a final blow to her, chrysalis got caught in crossfire, and was seemingly killed. no one intended it, but it happened. opaline is devastated.

and now, shes stuck. trapped alone in a castle in the middle of a city. she has the whole city alone to herself, and all she has now is the items left behind by her people, and mostly books. she only ever sees them as fiction or propaganda though, refusing to take them to heart and accept them as truth. alongside reading and re-reading the books around the city, she schemes of a way out. she is not very successful in this for a long time.

the closest she gets to getting out is when she opens the barrier just long enough to see, and kidnap, a young unicorn. a one misty brightdawn. she forces misty to be her only companion in a long time, and raises her like a daughter, but not lovingly.

some stuff continues on similar to canon, like misty befriending the mane 5 and leaving opaline behind, but i wont say more because i can keep some secrets for myself :] i do have an ending to her story planned though!

also pls ignore timeline and other canon contradictions pls pls pls pls pls lol

[moonshynecybin]

Can't decide on a specific scene but i'll take anything you have to say about i'll meet judgement by the hounds bc at this point i have re-read it so many times ...

the thing about ill meet judgement by the hounds is that literally no concrete planning went into writing that thing. i was up against a deadline for a grad school assignment i was procrastinating like NOBODY'S BUSINESS had two panic attacks that week (unrelated to school!!) and then flew to bath with my roommate spur of the moment. posted that ch2 late at night zooted on my anxiety meds and and woke up to some LOVELY messages that i read on a bus when i was pulling away from the airport. insane experience. i didnt even want to give it a chapter two right away i was like IM BUSY. and then i wrote it immediately.

BUT to actually talk about the fic. like you asked <3. i actually had this idea that i wanted to follow marc's pov (at that point i had only written vale) and get inside his insane headspace leading up to his arm surgery and then be like. wouldnt it be crazy if vale was there and wanted to reconcile a bit but he was also kind of avoiding SAYING THAT. wouldnt that make marc feel EVEN CRAZIER. marc marquez saw trap simulator. inside you there are two wounds one is valentino rossi and the other is your fucked up arm. anddddd 2022 seemed like the ideal place for a rosquez reunion to me! like. dramaturgically. marc is on the brink. vale has just retired (easy to get a reason for him to have an epiphany regarding marc, made even easier bc marc pov means i never have to explain it in depth !)

and the thing about this fic is that it was supposed to be. A LOT longer. go race by race until his surgery and have them talk a lot more. change a little more gradually. but uh. ive already said my life was insane at that time and i got excited and fucking SENT that badboy. (again. i was lightly tranquilized.) which i think MOSTLY makes it better but the pacing is still little wacky. anyways i do think of the scene i cut where marc talks to alex all the time but i think i also fully deleted it! dont write fic under the influence! i also cut a BIG scene of them at the french GP where vale brings marc a sandwich and makes him eat it. it should also be noted that i was doing SO much journalism research about this period and i found a bunch of WILD quotes from marc that i compiled into a small insane vision board of them to ground my fic in his crazy way of conceptualizing his life. that i apparently also deleted while zen-ed out. so

more stupid behind the scenes under the cut

actual plot summary (my "outline") that i wrote out at the top of my google doc complete with typo:

Thinking about how absolutely distressing it would be for Marc pre surgery or right after if Vale tried to reconcile. Early 2022 before surgery decision and post Vale retirement

Scenes of Vale like. earnestl y talking to him. Marc represses a panic attack every time. race by race?

and here's what i had written for aragon, which is full of lines i just thought of with NO context or structure like this part would NOT take off the ground. you might notice some of them get repurposed later in the fic:

III. French GP, 2022. P6.

Marc’s still not out of the habit of reaching for him, apparently. He looks— God. Marc’s head hurts just looking at him. He could swear he has defenses from this, from how Marc can feel where he is in every room they’re in together. He guesses somewhere in the last few weeks he’s lost them, again. Just another thing he used to be good at.

despite everything, Marc can feel himself relax, with Vale here. The warm heat of him sharing space. He used to feel like this all the time. Vale to his left. His arm, casual and pain free, on his right. Now he's scarred all the way down both sides.

He remembers when he was a kid and he met Vale. How he had winked at Marc and said, I'll look out for you, cradling the toy car that Marc had brought specifically to give to him in his hands. How Marc had turned it over in his brain for years. I'll look out for you.

Marc bargains with himself

Marc does stupid, stupid things when Vale is in his life. He knows this. Going to the ranch is a bad idea. the press alone, if anyone finds out, would feed the paddock journos for years. It would be stupid— risky

Someone needs to tell him not to race. calm him down. Usually, it’s Álex. 

MORE OUTLINE: Vale brings him a sandwich and Marc wants to cry, terrible race. They watch a movie its very Valentino voice lemme take care of you !!! but no talking about their past lmao. maybe arm

Genuinely terrible race. That one stat about alwasy finishing top 5 or crashing. Vale like actually gets him to talk about his arm which gets no where fast (guest alex?) and riding misery begins to reach a tipping point

[valeria-garza-enjoyer]

Your writing style is absolutely phenomenal! Wow I don't think I've ever been so engrossed in a short story before! It's amazing and I love everything you write!

TYSM !!!! i feel like a little bacteria exponentially growing bc this fic started with a little one off chapter that was kinda short and as the brainworm grew i wrote more and learned how to more efficiently use rhetoric like repetition and similes and i cant help but want to keep tinkering with previous chapters every time i write a new chapter.

its kinda why ch 4 took so long bc i had so many hurdles getting the thoughts onto my doc properly, which is also my problem again with ch 5. ch 5 is theoretically about half way done, and its hard to explain the problem im having without spoiling it, but the main chunk of what i have written just feels rushed and quick to me. Like i want to sit on it and expand the narrative but i dont feel like i could give it justice. This is also why the rape scene is kinda sorta just mentioned in ch3 and doesnt go in depth like other scenes do. I dont feel like i have the depth and true capability to give that anguish words so i tried to keep it in the same tone and almost fluffed up/poetic prose. if i could go back right now i think id try to expand it more but for my abilities i like how it came out.

so yeah thats ch5 and some other thoughts rn BUT i can say im about halfway done with the valeria/reader separate fic. idk if i said this in the last ask but it uses the headcannon of the broken rosary and her upbringing so theres that crumb if i didnt already give yall that :3 i think im leaning towards more fluff/silver lining ending which means id give it a second chapter for pacing but yeah that should be up on ao3 in the next few days if i dont forget.

i love every ask/comment i lets me know yall like what im writing and im not alone in my insane love for this collection of pixels made by infinity ward. ALSO i am planning on cross posting all of valerias florecita here one day. maybe when its done idk (i dont like saying that bc i dont like the thought of this thing being done. like wdym this behemoth of a fic is done? I spent so much time and energy on it what do i do now??)

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, am really really interested to read your thoughts on Seven!

*

Ask 2: Hey bpp, can i be honest?? Ive been checked out of the fandom but still keep track of any music releases. So i didnt know abt any rumors abt 7. Imagine me being kind of disappointed that it’s another english song from jk when i watched the mv😅 it feels like his most promoted songs since last year has been all eng song… idk i wanted & expted something diff… i didnt like l&r, dreamers and now 7… it’s back to back lol. Tbf i didnt like My You too and thats in korean. At least not enough to listen!again after the first listen.

Im happy that still with you is finally on spotify tho. I’ll still be waiting excited for his album whenever it comes out. Hopefully ill find something i like in it!!

**

[BPP Note: Both asks above were sent before my "I don't like it..." post. The asks posted below were sent afterwards.]

**

Ask 3:

Same here

All the hype didn't matched with the song

1. rest members songs had so much depth and substance to it while this was the cliche boy chasing a girl song. Like we always dont need deep songs but the quality could be so much better. This was like just another pop song.

I think I'll put this on same level as BAD DECISIONS. But for bad decisions, atleast the chorus was staying on my mind while for this nothing was catchy enough for us to humm. Just because it's JK it will get hype but otherwise it's so generic. I think I liked LEFT and RIGHT way better than Seven. Even the rap portion felt so unnecessary and boring.

2. MV was kinda nice because of the production but concept was too shallow, the stalking and chasing was so outdated. In my country we have like 9293928843837 MVs in this same concept that not many make the same theme songs again.

3. The choreography. We haven't seen the full version. But for tiktok they do the highlight portions if that's so mediocre idk how rest will be. It was again giving the same mediocre showing off choreography and for me backdancers ruined it with their awkward moves.

4. they wanted this song to be played everywhere around the world. But there was nothing catchy enough to attract gp or go viral on tiktok, even if we sped it up. The only way to make everyone listen is to shove it down their throat but doing payola. But idk if investing in payola is worthy for the song. I also doubt the longietivity, as for me it was boring after 2 listens. I'll rather listen Like Crazy or wildflower or closer 20 times than listening this once.

5. I HOPE he'll bring something fresh to the table for his album and don't involve this mediocre producers who uses the same formula and same superstar persona to make a song successful. He is so much talented to sing a song which is so rich in melody and lyrics. And he can produce way better songs by himself.

Prolly a 4/10 for me

*

Ask 4: troye sivan's rush (which also came out last night) is exactly what I wish Seven was. I don't mean that in a 'I expect the things JK to make to be gay' way just in the way it's a fun, very danceable, sexy summer song that doesn't pull its punches. Something about seven feels too run through a commercial sanitizer a few times, even with the explicit lyrics.

***

Hi Anon(s),

Jungkook likes to fuck.

Rather, Andrew Watt likes to fuck and thinks Jungkook can relate.

JK has been talking about wanting to show more mature and explicit sides of himself for a good long while now. So I’m glad he’s finally gotten to do that, confirming for us why he keeps getting noise complaints from his neighbours since the mattresses all over his apartment don't help.

BTS has made songs explicitly referring to sex before (though it's been mostly the rapline doing so). So it's nothing new but I guess it's cool JK gets to share with us that he too has sex.

The question I posed to my friends immediately after watching the MV is, “Do you know who's been doing A&R for BigHit since 2020? I really need to know who is doing A&R for BigHit in America because they’ve been doing an appalling job lately. I'm starting to wonder if it's an inside job cause this song is kinda ass.”

That was me ~11 hours ago.

I didn’t like the song.

I’ve streamed Seven about 20 times since then I think, took a break from the song for a few hours, watched his GMA performance, caught a few minutes of the Wlive, then listened to it again just before writing this post and…

I still don’t like it.

Jungkook did a good job on the song, Latto's verse wasn't terrible, and while the song itself isn’t bad… the song isn’t good either.

It’s painfully, and at this point it’s a pattern so I have to add, predictably, mediocre.

Reserving judgement for the album, but Anons, I agree with you for the most part. The suits at BigHit are trying but they are woefully out of touch with the reasons BTS blew up in the West in the first place. I don't even feel like spending any energy doing a review or even trying to explain what I mean. So I'll just ramble on for a bit but try to keep it brief.

---

I have to give BigHit some credit because I can see what they're going for here. Andrew Watt is a very celebrated producer in the US, he won the Grammy award for Producer of the Year in 2021, he's got A listers in his portfolio. So, he's not a cheap name to book and I can see why the suits at BigHit thought he's the genius to gift them a song clinically designed for American radio.

But that pandejo phoned it in. There isn't a lick of creativity to be found anywhere in all 3 minutes and five seconds.

It reminds me of VIBE by Jimin and Taeyang, as the closest analog to the vague dissatisfaction morphing into annoyance and then pragmatic rationalization I experienced in that same sequence when listening to it the first few times.

The song is disappointing because we've all heard it before. Too many times, and we're bored of it. We've heard JK sing this sort of song for years, as covers mostly. So on one hand, while I guess it's nice JK gets to have an American summer JB-reject pop tune of his own, it's not good enough to be the track that introduces him to the world as a solo artist.

It's fine for any white, blonde, blue-eyed heartthrob that can ride on a pretty face and implicit bias to rack up accolades, it's not good enough for Jungkook.

And BigHit needs to start using whatever leverage a US$10.6 billion market capitalization buys you in Hollywood, to insist for songs that are at least as good as the songs made by BTS members and produced by their in-house team. It's a waste of money and everybody's time to fly a battalion to LA just to record 2014's summer hit in 2023.

In my opinion.

Still With You > Stay Alive > My Time > Stay > Left & Right > My You > Dreamers > Seven

*

All that said, I can't ignore JK has a taste for songs like this, and it's not his fault the song is shit (he didn't write, compose or produce it), so technically he shouldn't be punished for it. And the song is made for radio, while it's not my personal taste a lot of people really like the song (one of my friends likes Seven the most out of all the BTS releases so far), and it will catch on with some support. So, ARMY will support it including me, just to a lesser degree than I've done so far. Fingers crossed JJK1 has something solid on it.

[stormblessed95]

Addressing Everything

So by now, most of you have probably seen all the drama that is occurring for the past week. I've been aware of it since it started. I haven't said anything as I was hoping it would die down on its own, but that's clearly not happening.

Mrs-monaghan, along with a few others do not like me. She thinks I'm toxic, a bully, forcing people to agree with me or get blocked, etc. I don't regret my choice to block people when I block them, and I will continue to utilize the block button whenever I feel the need to. I will say that I am not blocking anyone for a difference of opinion. I'm blocking someone when I feel the need to remove their posts or comments from the content I consume on this site, my content is part of that consumption and interaction i have on here. I am a believer in curating your timeline to best fit you. That is what I'm using the block button for. I don't want to see hateful posts, I don't need people in my comments calling me names either for my opinion. I've always been willing to agree to disagree and a lot of the times, the comment section in my posts over more "controversial" topics shows that.

Alot has been claimed about me being different in DMs than I am on the timeline. I don't think that's true. I'm usually more willing to discuss things more in depth and have a more lengthy back and forth discussion over a topic in DMs than I am in an anon ask. But that is something I've also made clear in many of my posts. I also do generally curse more in my language as its vernacular that i use a lot in my daily life and ill have more typos/be less polished. Which I think is fair during a less formal conversation. I am also more than willing to post Screenshots of my DM history with Mrs-monaghan if anyone feels the need to see them since that has been a sticking point for her. I don't mind. I dont want to, but not because im worried about it, but because i didnt/dont feel the need to continually fan the flames of all of this or fight with her about it. She is entitled to not like me and i dont need to try to convince anyone otherwise.

I don't think anyone should be name calling when addressing another blogger and if the name wasn't intended to be derogatory, then it could be changed when making future comments about them, now that other people have gotten involved. I do think that should be said. Call me what you want, but if a mean idc about you nickname is derogatory in nature and it's not intended to be, maybe come up with something else. But honestly, none of this is really the point of my post here right now.

I've seen all the mean posts being made and sent in about me after I said I would start blocking people for shady posts against Tae (shady, not critical or questioning, but posts that were rude and mean in nature.) And honestly, that's fine. I cannot control what other people think or how they feel about me. They are all entitled to those opinions and feelings. I wont lie that i was a little surprised at some of the people who participated in these posts and signed off on them. But thats okay.

I did not and still do not want people going to her blog or any of the others who have said things to defend me or shame anyone in anyway. Losing followers if people believe their posts is okay. I've never been here for the numbers. I can't control what people do or say about me and I don't want to. If people end up not liking me because of that, that's honestly okay. I don't need people Bullying (in anyway you want to consider the word) anyone in defense of me. I don't appreciate that. If i get an ask and I answer it with my opinion and it disagrees with other peoples, that's where I want that to end. I don't need anyone telling other bloggers I'm right and they are wrong. It's all just opinions in the end. I've never wanted anyone to use my posts as a way to argue with other people. Everyone can choose to engage and interact with the content on here that they choose and how they choose to do so.

I do just want anyone else here to know that if I have offended or upset anyone on here, I am always willing to talk about it. My DMs have been open for that reason. I am willing to agree to disagree if that energy is also returned. I'm willing to bend on a lot honestly. I won't apologize for blocking the people who have been interacting with posts that are hateful to me or about how they don't like me. That is something I am doing for my own mental well being and safety. I don't need people who actively dislike me around me. And I think that is fair.

That's all. Just if anyone is making more posts or going to plan to send in asks, I'm asking you not to and to let it go. I don't need to change anyone's mind about me. They are free to not like me as much as they want. That's okay. I don't need anyone defending me.

Thank you for reading if you got this far. If you choose to unfollow, that's fair and totally up to you. I hope everyone has a good day.

[deergravity]

The time travel poll is really my love letter to my friend who killed himself nine years ago.

Adam was the first openly trans person I became friends with. He was also one of the first people to affirm my queerness, to say that my feelings were enough, and I didnt need to score my experiences to reach some threshold.

He told me once, "people try and say that my partner and I are straight, but there is nothing straight about a bisexual woman and a trans man dating." That concept was radical to me at the time. Transformative.

We worked at a really shitty job together, one that ground up young activists and spat out jaded liberals. Adam helped keep my spark alive. He was in a leadership position and he used that to push back on bs from higher ups and protect those of us lower in the org. He lifted people out of those lower ranks based on their aptitudes, rather than the nepotism that usually ruled.

He just cared so much. He paid so much attention to people. I said once, offhand, I wanted to stop saying "you guys" by default. And he would call me out when I slipped up! Just like, "hey, I thought you didn't want to say that anymore." And I think that moment of realizing that people pay attention to what I say made all the difference in that change actually sticking.

When a friend of mine was promoted with a hint of that nepotism, I sought Adam's advice. How to navigate those feelings? Unpicking professional jealosy, concern and frustration... deciding if I should speak up or let it go. He talked me through the whole thing. Reminded me that my friend might also be feeling out of their depth. Encouraged me to find ways to offer the perspective I thought they lacked. I was drunk and thought I would forget so he wrote it down in my journal. It's the one bit of his handwriting I have.

He moved away a few months before his death. The last time we spoke, we sat on a bar balcony and talked about politics, about gender and sexuality. The golden glow of the sunset behind him.

In the state he moved to, he started a network of young trans men. He helped get them access to binders, to doctors that would prescribe hrt. Always a helper.

I think of him in this red polo shirt, oh my god it was so basic, but that's Adam to me. A polo and khakis. His buzzed short hair. His acne and his smile. God, his smile. A cig between his fingers as he stepped out for another smoke break.

He picked me up from the train station once. I was so tired, running on just a few hours sleep. I asked if we could get some coffee. He said sure, but we were going to this place he knew because "the coffee at this station is baby shit." That still makes me laugh...

I wish I could tell him how much he changed me. How much I still look to his example. I miss my friend, but I respect his decision.

I'm also envious of him, sometimes. Or, perversely happy he didn't have to see everything that's happened to our world since his death. He lived in a world where Trump was never president. A world that was transphobic, of course, but before the bitter backlash we're living through now. This is probably the most complicated thing I feel in the wake of it all. Idk if it's right, but it is. It gives me some peace to think of all the suffering he didn't have to witness.

The anniversary of his suicide is a few days before my birthday. A bit sobering, but honestly his memory is a blessing. I was lucky to know him and I remember him with love each year.

He felt especially close to me this July. To be honest, part of my hyperfixation on brat is because of him. Or, I held it closer bc of the piece of him I see there. In particular, So I has sent me to tears several times. A song about a friend, a mentor, gone too soon. The mark they left on your life. Wishing you had more time, grateful for what you made together. Wondering what they'd think of you now. I'm sure you could pick through this post and see what memories I dredge up with each line.

I love you, Adam. I miss you dearly. And I'd really, really like to time travel so I can just hug you for five minutes without saying a word.

[greazyfloz]

Lovers & Strangers - Chapter 19

Previous

 I watch Mark, take a few steps back as he looks over at the door where Ethan stands. “Hey Ethan” I say. Mark makes his way over to the other side of the room and sits in the chair in the corner that faces the foot of the bed. “Come here” I said, looking at Ethan.

Ethan makes his way over and sits in the chair beside the bed where Mark once was. He looks over at me, and quietly says: “ hey buddy, how are you feeling?” I smile at him and I feel a tear slip from my eye 

“ I missed you Eddy” I say back to him

“ come’ir” Ethan says, leaning in to give me a hug. I hug him back tightly and hide my face in his shoulder.

“ I’m so sorry”

“ don’t be sorry for anything.  I don’t care about any of that right now, the only thing I care about is that you’re going to be okay” he says before pulling away “so what’s next?” 

“ actually,“ I look over at Mark “ can I talk to Ethan alone for a second?”

Mark sucks in a deep breath, and start nodding his head, standing up from the chair across the room from me, “ yeah, yeah, of course“ he says before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

I look at Ethan and wipe the tears that I haven’t left my eyes yet. I try to find the courage inside of me and tell him what I am about to tell him. 

“ Ethan, I don’t know how you forgave me, but I feel like you won’t forgive me after this”

“ no no don’t worry about any of this. I’m just worried, I mean I was worried, I know you’ll be okay”

” Ethan…” I take a deep breath, and then sigh, as I feel the tears start trickling down my face once again, “ I lost our baby, I was pregnant“

“ I know you were, and I know I was the father”

“ I’m so so sorry Ethan” I cry out and Ethan comes back into hug me to comfort me as he rubs my back. “ I messed up everything.” 

“ that’s fine, did you really think that I was just never gonna talk to you again? I could never do that. You didnt mess up anything“

Ethan pulls away, and the door opens. My mother and father, followed by Mark come into the room. Everyone is sitting in the room, and the only person that seem to be talking is my mother and my father Ethan just sits beside me and holds onto my hand.

Savannah soon re-enters the room and sits over next to Mark. At this point there’s three different conversations going around the room, one between Mark and Savannah, another one between Ethan and my father and the last one between my mother, and I. All three different conversations are all interrupted by a knock on the door.

“ Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt.” a doctor walks into the room, “ my name is Dr. Hayes and I was just coming in to finish the last part of your psychological assessment”

Everyone leaves and it is just Dr. Hayes and I left in the room. 

“ hello y/n, I’ve already heard such wonderful things about you from your mother and your father and your boyfriend and your two best friends, we want to wrap this up as quickly as possible for you or we would've loved to hear the lovely things from your other 3 best friends. So right now we are probably at the final stage of this assessment. I’m just gonna ask you some questions. I do warn you though that some of these questions may make you feel uncomfortable but they are questions that need to be answered to allow me to refer you to the best treatment possible”

“Okay” I respond

She begins asking me questions about my upbringing and my interests, before asking more in depth questions.

“ let’s talk about your boyfriend“

“ Mark? Nothing is really established. I mean I just called him my boyfriend because I figured that’s who you were talking about.”

“ well, I’ll let you know a secret, he thinks he is your boyfriend” Dr. Hayes says with a bright smile. thinking of Mark telling her that he was my boyfriend makes me smile back at her

“ he’s great, it’s still really new, and it was almost ruined because of something stupid that I did”

“ what could you have done that was bad enough to ruin something so new?”

“ I-“ I start to cry

“ it’s okay take your time,”

“ I have been sleeping with Ethan since I was 15 or 16 years old, other than Ethan I’ve only ever slept with two other guys. Someone from my hometown and Mark.”

“ so how did that start between you and Ethan?”

“ we were at a party, a-and” I start, but wipe my nose and sniffle before continuing “ we were both drunk and his parents were out of town and he didn’t want me to get in trouble for being so drunk so I went to his place which wasn’t out of the ordinary but I talked him into sleeping with me. I told him that it wouldn’t be so weird. I mean we used to take baths together until we were like eight. we had a weird relationship already and I convinced him that nothing could make it weirder“ I sniffle my nose once again, as I try to collect the next words that are going to come out of my mouth, “ I fell in love with him that night but I knew that I was only his best friend and I’d never be anything more”

“ So this continued to be a continuous thing between you two?”

“ at first not really. I mean we’d go to high school summer parties and get drunk and it all depended if our parents were home or not. Then when I got my license, I would drive down during the school year while he was away for hockey. Staying with him for a weekend just became a thing. It was a weird platonic, romantic friendship, but I wouldn’t even call it romantic because it was only one way. When I came to UMich it became more frequent between Ethan, and I but we were always safe I mean until the beginning of this year. Everything was just different this year.”

“ what changed?“

“ Ethan did, before it was pretty obvious that he would just use me to get off but in January, I started to give up on there ever being an Ethan and I. that’s when I noticed, Ethan becoming a lot more romantic with me. I guess it was almost as if our friendship was gone”

“ does that stress you out or make you anxious?”

“ yeah, I mean I started partying because he played so much hockey. It was the only real time that I could ever really hang out with him” 

“ so I’m gonna ask you, about one thing your friend savannah said, is your fear of missing out an actual anxiety to you”

“ kind of, I feel like everyone in my life has a personality trait and I’m just here. I got sick of being boring, people like to party with me and I like to party”

“ Do you feel any sort of alcohol dependency?”

“ like are you asking me if I’m an alcoholic? Because the answer is no. Did Ethan tell you I was an alcoholic?”

“Okay, let me ask a different question, how do you feel when you are drinking?”

“ happy, loved”

“ so you don’t think that you’re drinking is a problem?”

“ no, I’m just a 20 year old girl that likes to party and drink with her friends. The only person that seems to find it to be a problem, Ethan.”

“ is Ethan the only one that sees it to be a problem or is he the only one that tried to help you?”

I just looked at Dr. Hayes. I didn’t know what to say.

“ your records show that you have been consuming more substance than just alcohol, from what your friends say, this is new. How do you feel while on ecstacy?”

“ loved”

“ do you remember how you felt after consuming cocaine and oxycodone?”

“ no, I don’t remember much from last night“

“ can you tell me what you remember and how you felt?” I take a deep breath and look at her. I look up and try to remember where to even start. “ how about you take me back to yesterday afternoon maybe around dinner time”

“ I remember taking two pregnancy tests, both positive. Savannah was with me. After taking them, the rest of my friends came over, and they began to drink. I didn’t drink anything because I didn’t know how I felt about the pregnancy. I remember-“ and then I stop to think about what I saw. “I remember walking in the party and looking around for Mark, but I saw Ethan. He was all over a girl and my heart broke. I ran into the kitchen and stole a bottle of liquor, then sat on the back deck and drank it. I think I was alone. the next thing I remember was my face being pushed against the outdoor table as I snorted a line. I-I um-“ I start but cry, “can Ethan or Mark come in. I just need one of them right now”

Dr. Hayes takes a deep breath as she writes in her book before looking up at me, “ do you need support for the rest of this assessment?”

“Y-yeah” I say as a hug my knees to my chest

“ I’ll be right back” doctor Hayes says as she stands up and makes her way to the door. She opens it and closes it behind her as she leaves into the hallway. When she came back, it was Ethan who followed her. My emotions are so mixed. If it was Mark that walked in I probably would’ve wished it was Ethan but since it’s Ethan I’m wishing it was Mark.

Ethan comes around my bed and sits beside me putting an arm around so he’s rubbing my back. “What's wrong?” he asked me as he continued to rub my back.

“ why did this have to happen to me? why did my life become like this?”

Ethan brings me in for a hug and then pulls away and holds my hand. He looks up at Dr. Hayes and Dr. Hayes waits for me to look up as well.

“ are you ready to continue where you left off?“ she asked me and I nod

“ are you aware of what she remembers from last night?” she asks Ethan. Ethan shakes his head.

“ the next thing, I remember, was his hand being forced into my pants and then I remember not having pants on at all and him being on top and- and-“ I breathe in and out harder, and Ethan grabs my hand a little tighter. When I look over at him, he doesn’t look up. He just looks down at the mattress of the hospital bed. “ and he raped me. it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings I’ve ever felt in my life. To be honest today’s the first day in a long time that I didn’t feel like going out tonight, wait no I remember, before he pulled out a knife. He had a knife on him and I was scared, but not for me I was scared for Mark“ 

“ why?”

“ I don’t remember what he said, but it was something about making sure I tell Mark about his knife or something“

“ why did he want Mark to know about his knife?“

“ Mark has punched him out twice”

“ can you tell me what happened after the incident?”

“ Caleb-“ I say his name for the first time, “ he stood up frantically, but maybe that’s how I remember it anyway, he stood up and told me that basically it was gonna happen again tonight and then I don’t know where he went. I didn’t really feel scared when he said that because I already felt violated. I don’t remember anything but like quick flashes of events later that evening. Like I remember, Mark carrying me into the shower, I remember having a light shined in my eyes and then I remember seeing Ethan. After that, everything just kind of went white. I thought I died and I never mind”

“Y/n do you have any history of mental health issues?”

“ no”

“ you’ve never felt suicidal?”

I bit on my cheek, remembering that last night, I didn't care if I drank myself to death or not. I look at Ethan and his head starts to lift up. I can see panic mixed with sadness in his eyes almost like he’s worrying that my answer is yes. just sit there in silence. As everyone waits for my answer, I think of lying, but I look at Ethan and think about the past two weeks and how all he ever wanted to do was help me.

“ sometimes, but I wouldn’t necessarily kill myself purposely, but I wouldn’t mind If something bad happened to me“ I finally say. I had to look away from Ethan, because I saw at the corner of my eye his hand, come up and wipe across under his eye. I don’t remember the last time I saw him cry, which says a lot because we’re inseparable.

“ can you tell me about the last time you felt this way?” she asks me I look over at Ethan and see his bloodshot eyes, then look back at her

“ no”

“ you don’t remember the last time?”

“ no I do, it was last night”

Ethan stands, “I think Mark might be better for this conversation”. Dr. Hayes gives him a slight apologetic smile as she watches him leave the room. he shuts the door behind him and doctor Hayes looks at me to continue

“ I wanted Ethan, but he was with another girl. And it made me want to die.”

“ Do you think it was the liquor talking?”

“ last night yes, Tuesday no”

“ what happened Tuesday?“

“ Ethan told me he loved me that’s something I’ve been waiting forever to hear, and I told him that I was sleeping with Mark”

“ how did he react?”

“ he called me a whore. He told me the next time I fail that I’ll be alone and that he won’t be there to catch me when I fall”

“ do you think the things he said were true?”

“ I don’t know”

“ how do you feel about yourself right now?

“ this whole assessment actually made me realize one thing, I fucking hate myself“

Dr. Hayes stays with me until I calm down a bit and feel a little less depressed. She tells me feel good things to make myself feel better about myself and she gets up and tells me that she wants to analyze everything that she just jotted down in her book today and that she would have a recommendation tomorrow morning. She says for tonight, but I’ll stay in the room that I’m in right now. 

After Dr. Hayes leaves a nurse comes in and asked me if I was still alright with the full rape examination. I nod, and she wheeled me down the hallway into a room where I got swabbed between my legs and she took pictures of my marked up body. She asks questions about what I remember, then they let me take a bath. After my bath she wheeled me back to my room. She continues to ask me a couple more questions before leaving.

When she leaves mark and , Savannah come in, followed by my parents. Ethan is not with them. I look at my mother was sadeyes and she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

“ he feels really bad honey” my mother says to me and I look over at my father

“ he’ll be back in the morning don’t worry“ he says

I looked beside me at the clock, and it tells me it’s around seven. I look at my parents and Savannah, and then Mark.

“ have you guys eaten yet?“

“ no, no not yet, we were going to take Ethan out for dinner and bring you back something, but we thought maybe we shouldn’t do that” my mother says

“ no, I think you should,” I say, and then look around for my phone, realizing the last time I had it was last night, “ does anybody have my phone?”

“ yeah, I do” Mark says to me

“ well, mom and dad please take him out for dinner”

“ okay” my mother says and smiles at me

“ What would you like us to bring back kiddo?” my father asked me.

“ Honestly I’m not that hungry. If I get hungry, I’ll just ask a nurse or something but honestly I’m just really tired. I might just go to bed after hanging out with these two for a bit. I don’t expect to see you two until the morning. I’ll be fine. I’ll just do homework or something.”

“ are you sure, hon?” my mother asked me

“ yes, I’m finally doing better in school. I’m not gonna stop now. I was able to bring my grades up quite a bit in the last week.”

“ we’ve noticed” my father says. They both come up and give me a kiss on the head and say their goodbyes before leaving.

Savannah, then comes up to the bed and tells me that the other girls would like to see me. I told her to tell him to come back tomorrow. I'm not really in the mood for any more visitors. Savannah stayed for another hour before she headed home as well.

Then it was just Mark and I. A nurse came in to do her check up on me and made her way around the bed. She said I was finally able to take the IV out of my arm and that’s exactly what she did. She told me I had to keep the monitor on my finger, that tracks my heartbeat, but other than that I’m not wired up.

She left the room, saying good night, shutting the door behind her. Since my parents weren’t staying with me tonight, Mark was allowed. I smile at him and scooch over in the bed before lifting the blankets and patting down. He smiles back at me as he slowly walks over and lies in bed beside me. 

“ thank you baby” I say to him as I wrap my arms over his chest. He looks down at me and smiles, but I can tell there’s something wrong, “ what’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing”

“ you’re lying”

“ no, it’s really nothing” he says taking a deep breath “ I just wonder if you ever feel like you made a mistake choosing me”

“ why would you even say that?”

“ because I see the way your eyes light up when Ethan walks in a room or when you hear his name or how you’re filled with sadness every time you guys fight or every time something hurts him. I feel like I’ll have to play catch-up for 20 years of your life“

“no you shouldn’t feel that way. Ethan had 20 years. and he waited until I was happy with someone else, I mean really, he had his chance. My eyes light up because he’s my best friend and I’ll always love him to death, but my eyes light up in a special kind of way when I see you or when I hear your name”

“Y/n I really think I am falling in love with you, even through all this bad shit that has happened. I only see the good in you. I mean, I treated you like shit for almost 2 years and you dealt with me for Ethan. But it just shows how selfless you are because I was not nice. but ever since I laid my eyes on you, I knew I had to have you. I’m  just glad it’s finally happening.”

“ I don’t think you have to worry about anything, I mean, you are the one lying in my bed right now” I say, with a chuckle. We are silent for a bit just holding each other before I speak up again

“ babe, can you do me a favor?” I ask him how he looks down at me again.

“Hm?” he hums

“can you go see if the door locks?” I say smirking up at him. I shift over so he can stand up and he swings his legs off the bed, sitting there, then looking back at me with a questioning look on his face, “ have you ever had sex on a hospital bed?”

Mark stands up quickly, making his way over to the door. There wasn’t a lock. “ nope.“ he says looking back at me sadly.

“that’s alright”

“ I don’t have a condom anyway“ he tells me I furrow my brows at him

“ no, we’re still fucking“ I say, he smiles at me making his way back to the bed.

He hops back into bed beside me in the small hospital bed. We lay so we’re facing each other and we wrap each other’s arms around one another as we begin to make out passionately. I feel his hand trail down my back, untying every tie on the back of my gown, his hand continues to travel down so it is now resting on my ass, he squeezes it gently, as our kiss becomes more in depth.

I feel his hand rest on my waist above some bruises from last night, and I gasped into the kiss pulling myself back. “ oh fuck I’m sorry.” I say

“no no don’t be sorry. Maybe this was too fast you’ve been through a lot” he says bringing me in hugging me

[Mark POV]

I look at the time that reads 11pm. I manage to move out of the bed without waking y/n up. Earlier tonight I texted Nolan and told him to tell me if Caleb went to that frat party tonight that everybody was going to. He texted me about a half hour ago, telling me he was there.

Once y/n fell asleep I took the opportunity to leave. I walked to the receptionist and told her that I’d be right back and asked if I’d be able to come back in. She nodded and told me to just sign in and out and then I’d be fine.

I Ubered to the frat party and made my way inside. I remember that I had y/n’s phone on me so I unlocked it to see if he texted her. There was nothing there, though. I look around for Nolan, but I end up finding exactly who I wanted to find first.

Just looking at this guy makes my blood boil, I make my way through the crowd and push the little twerp up against the wall, “how many lessons do I teach you?” I yell at him. 

“ what a surprise, it’s always you trying to kill me” he laughs, “ so where is our girl?”

His question makes me shake with anger, all of a sudden, I feel someone push me back off of him. I turn and see Ethan. “what the fuck?” I said to him,

“he has a knife, Mark” Ethan tells me

“I don’t fucking care he won’t even be able to reach for it by the time I’m done with him”

“No come on” Ethan says, “ there’s no way he’s not going to jail with all the proof that there is of him at the hospital“

I think of y/n and how she probably just wants me to leave him there. I agree with Ethan and begin to walk away until I hear his annoying laugh chuckle at me and I think of how I couldn’t even touch my girlfriend tonight without her being scared because of him. 

“no I’m gonna fucking kill him” I say, and turn around, swinging my fist with full momentum, hitting him in the nose. He falls to the ground and holds his nose as blood trails all over the floor. I bend down and continue to punch him over and over until Ethan and Mackie pull me off of him. As they pull me off and get me on my feet, I shrug them both off and begin kicking him in the gut.

“ you’re seriously gonna kill him Mark” I hear Mackie say

“Fuck!” I yell as I kick him one last time. 

I then turn and make my way out of the house. I start walking back to the hospital, but look down to see my bloody knuckles. I decided to stop at my house on the way to the hospital to clean off the blood and put on some comfy clothes and put some of my sweatpants and T-shirt and a bag for Y/n. 

Once I get to the hospital, I make my way back to her room. Open the door and go inside and make myself comfortable again under the sheets, pulling her closer into my arms, she stirs in bed and turns. “where did you go?“ 

“ I got you a change of clothes” I say, she doesn’t need to know the full truth right now.

[moonshine-nightlight]

Will all of Dale out, I took the time over the past few days to reread all of it (pretty much all I did because sleep work and eat!) And oh man, I wish I could experience it anew again! To see how far you as a writer had come during the entirely of this, and seeing how sana and Dale grew and changed together.. it was just so well done!

Do you have plans to visit them again, in the future? Couldn't help but notice some things were left unfinished ;) and also I would LOVE to hear certain parts of the story from Dale's perspective. Those last few chapters when we finally *finally* got to peer into who he really is just made me want more!

And again, thank you for all the time and effort you put into this series. I don't think I'll ever forget it! (I also really like some of your shorter series, I went back to read them again too!)

@watch-out-for-them

thanks for sending this in! that's so sweet! i've hoarded this for a month because december flew by so fast

i do have some idea for little bonus stories and for full stories that take place in the same universe/setting (with a name-drop or mention of Dale and Sana etc), but no proper sequel is currently planned. One of the bonuses would be what you mentioned - specifically Chapter 6 (Walk in the Garden) from Dale's POV - as well as other ideas. it is hard to write companions stories from another POV if the main POV is 2nd person lol. I've helpful sorted my handful or ideas into categories because i lov to organize in excel instead of writing (the categories are: pre, mid, & post story; AU; Parody; and Outside POV)

one in particular i wanted to get out before the year ended, but i'm not quite done with it. originally after Chapter 24 (Assassin Aftermath) Sana was going to have a spicy dream about Dale, which is referenced in Chapter 25 as having happened, but which was originally going to be in the story proper. however, not only was a behind in writing with the story ending up longer than i planned, but it became hard to figure out how it would work since Sana thought Dale knew but he didn't and i didn't want be to get confused about that, also Sana wouldn't know the truth of how the Depths worked or Dale's backstory so i couldn't include much of that (because i didnt want ppl to think Dale could lik dreamwalk etc or something). It jsut got to be a weird balancing act that i didnt have time to figure out so i didn't. however, i decided to make a bonus/AU divergence where I changed the fight scene and did have Dale come to talk to Sana after the fight alone and stuff~ happens~.

this side path/AU story is what i wanted to get out over the holidays and which i have made progress on, but still isn't finished. i will try to get it out within the week (the modified end-of-fight to have an obvious reveal is done and i might put out today or tomorrow since its just a tweaked chapter 23). I've got over 3k for the new chapter and have been making progress, it just will not be done today lol

thank you so much for reading and sending in this ask! getting messages and comments and tags like this make all the effort worth it! ^^

[iceglade]

wuk lamat could only have ever been a trans catgirl btw

1.4k words (sorry), dawntrail level 100 spoilers:

thats like the whole point when the dawntrail final arc antagonists are examinations/deconstructions the traditional gender roles. btw.

consider where mamook is in the story. consider who gulool ja ja is to tural.

ive been workshopping an essay about how a few of dawntrail's themes are connected, i think theres an in depth conversation that can be had...

95-100 cannot be separated from the cultural context that came before it , regarding the spirituality of Living Memory, sure, but also regarding legacy and filling the legendary gulool ja ja's shoes™ with mamook being where it is as the lid on a jar that was being filled the entire time to complete a jar mini ecosystem before we crack it open 30 years later in heritage found to see whats grown inside.

dawntrail doesnt go into sexism but it does go into racism, it does go into the psyche of the people who IN REAL WORLD TERMS want rich white men to be the ruling class and the people who arent traditional men who still support that concept. its all connected

like the WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THE GAME WAS ABOUT THE SECOND HALF OF THE GAME AND VICE VERSA GO BACK AND REPLAY THE FIRST PART PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. you NEED to learn about your culture and your traditions and your history and you NEED to embrace change and growth and outsider perspectives DO NOT TOSS ONE OUT FOR THE OTHER. THEY NEED TO WORK TOGETHER TO FILL THE IDEAL, REAL OR NOT, THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO FUFILL.

MAMOOK LEFT AN IMPRESSION ON ME and the solution presented was learn about one another. understand one another. know their problems. offer and accept help from outside perspectives and grow. which while neither perfect nor fully realized is a lot more than ive ever seen a video game do ever lol. history of war, lack of sunlight, difficulty with getting food, self inflicted self perpetuating community trauma, shunning outsiders, clinging to a status quo so toxic that its actively killing both adults and children - all of these are deeply, undeniably connected.

so.

i grew up in the south.. y'all know how it is!! in some places its BAD down here!!

BUILDING FROM THAT,

IMAGINE YOU LEARNED ALL THOSE LESSONS.

heritage found says okay, we did that. we listened to each other, we learned. we improved. and we did not force this growth upon anyone who didnt want it. we DIDNT abandon our culture or tradition. and STILL our problems persist!! people still die and to keep them alive we have to remember them but it hurts. it still hurts to mourn them. we are still haunted by our past and the burdens we inherited

THIS PLOT IS SOOOO STEEPED IN REAL WORLD CULTURAL PHENOMENON. BTW. THE SENSITIVITY READERS ARE OWED A CUT OUT OF EVERY DOLLAR SQUENIX GETS OFF OF THIS FOR THE REST OF TIME. AAGHH

CAUSE THIS COULDVE BEEN SO BAAADDDD , AND INSTEAD, I LOVVEEEED IT

idk...!!!!! i love living memory as an escalation of the idea that if they're remembered they never really die, but it hurts to remember. (GO BACK AND HANG OUT WITH THE YOK HUY RIGHT NOWWW) this is something real world people live by. was talking abt this with some friends and one of them mentioned living memory's color scheme "being the same orange being associated with ofrendas" in the same conversation where we were just. absorbing how deeply horrifying uploading your loved ones' memory to the cloud os (the wording used was, "the excision of memories of the dead"). one youtube comment said its like playing records of the dead and imagining they're alive again. i am haunted by erenville and graha - "i dont wish they were here again, i just wish they never died"

living memory is "if they're remembered they never really die" twisted to its illogical extreme.

the weight of that spirituality is no mistake. and shutting it down because is SUCH an ethically devastating thing to have to do even on top of your friends' parents passing on and you thinking the place was idk pretty or something (cause it rlly was) what the fuck what the fuuck

theres so much in this expansion about learning about and respecting other cultures and offering aid when its hurting others and themselves

which like makes me nervous for the patch quests btw because we need to talk about, that, vs , this is how we honor our dead

we had to shut it down because it was an active threat and was going to go nuclear but that was how they honored their dead

but i do trust this story. so i look forward to it.

all this to say i think it would be a misstep to have us go "hey dont do the soul thing do this instead". just as much as it would have been a HUGE misstep to have us be the protagonist of this expansion instead of lamat'yi.

AND FOR THE RECORD WUK HAD TO BE THE PROTAGONIST OF DAWNTRAIL FOR THIS REASON. I STAND BY THAT.

fuuuck, flaws and all, i love this game.

i have more to say about sphene and zoraal ja hold on this is all relevant to the original premise trust me.

SO YEAH.

but yeah its no surprise that

1. sphene, a traditionally feminine uwu perfect angel princess queen of REASON

2. (erenville voice) Zoraal Ja, The Warmongerer, Mine Is The Power Mine Is The Path, I Must Surpass My Man-The-Textbooks-Teach-About Father burnt out gifted oldest child king of RESOLVE

are DIRECTLY IN OPPOSITION to

1. wuk lamat, catgirl naruto young and dumb shonen protagonist with a big heart and an open mind warrior princess vow of RESOLVE

2. and koana, emotionally reserved well-studied STEM club vp advanced placement poly catboy vow of REASON

there are people who do not fit the stereotype who are suffering trying to achieve it who want it to end, and then there are people who Double Down.

regarding everyone who lives in tuliyollal and the extremely diverse area of tural, it cannot be stressed enough how Gulool Ja Ja is the guy they write the textbooks about. he is the perfect adventurer who traveled the world and united the people. in the context of the story he is the man on the cover of the fantasy novel ripped shirt rippling abs two swords and all. imagine being his gifted full of potential son ON TOP OF how insane being an oldest child makes you PLUS The War thats why zoraal ja is like that.

i love love love sphene. sphene is using zoraal ja. shes based off of the ideal of the sweet beloved disney princess/queen. she was using his agency like a weapon and her lack of agency as a shield and when he turned against her own people , which he said very clearly that he would do, wuk tells her that she needs to actually help the people she loves and do what she can do, and she interprets that from there - it just so happens that "true to herself" puts her in direct opposition to the person who was encouraging her to be that way.

for the homestuck fans shes a muse and hes a lord IM BEGGING YOU DONT CLICK OUT PLEASE LET ME FINISH MY SENTA

WUK AND KOANA WILL NOT FILL THE SHOES OF THE IDEAL MAN LEADER IN THE EYES OF THOSE WHO WANT A MORE TRADITIONAL LEADER UNTIL THEY MARCH UPON THEIR CASTLE AND STRIKE THEM DOWN WITH THE SAME HATRED THAT THEY STRUCK THE PAST GENERATION DOWN, zoraal ja says, in no uncertain terms

and zoraal ja is wrong.

they repel the second attack on tuliyollal because they ask for help. wuk DOES get a good hit on zoraal ja in heritage found. and zoraal ja throws away the ultimatum he himself delivered by throwing away his army, kidnapping his son, overdosing on aether, and leaving the moment its clear that brute force is not going to take wuk lamat's community away from her.

and sphene cant use him as an excuse anymore.

sphene was programmed to do ANYTHING to accomplish an infinitely increasingly difficult goal. she who cursed me with this soft and powerless nature. my desire to protect my people transcends all others. is there no way to make peace with tuliyollal? if it were you, could you have found a better way? i cant bear to lose them - not again!

there will only ever be more dead, forever.

i rlly want to go into that but its a completely separate topic for another time i just.. love these characters. i love what theyve done with this place.

but no parts 1 and 2 are the same part. dont discard tradition, dont reject innovation. wuk lamat put it best

@ bakool ja ja

@ sphene

what do YOU want? beyond the stereotype your community wanted you to fill?

[rigelmejo]

So I haven't posted in a while. Little updates:

I finished arc 1 of Guardian in chinese again. So now I wont feel bad reading the book 1 english translation.

I took a break from chinese for a while then came back to read. And its interesting to me how much is stored like "2nd level down" in my memory. I don't recall words when trying to talk, after a long enough break. But I start reading, and my brain subvocalizes the hanzi and I can recall this Gist General Meaning of the words. Some words I recall their meaning and all, some just an overall general idea. But I havent forgotten much, nothing totally forgotten, and then most of the details of words come back within an hour or reading. Its surprising to me that reading chinese, memory wise, seems a LOT like reading french. I didnt expect it to be quite as similar a process. But it seems that remembering hanzi Words is as permanent as remembering french word stems/endings (or english ones). Reading skills have long staying power, and don't degrade much even with long breaks between usage. This is Excellent news. Since I don't have time to study much for the next several months, so I'm glad reading skills will stay as good as they are Or Improve if I read, without needing maintenance study. I'd like to improve my listening skill too, because being able to understand audiobooks would increase the chinese novels I could get through that I want to read (audiobooks would be faster than reading). But I dont have time yet for listening reading combo study, and time will tell if i do that activity WHEN and IF listening skills also gradually solidify then become reliable so one can study more sporadically and still see improvement.

My french skills are. Fascinating. I havent purposely studied in like over 5 years. I dont get that much French exposure (my google is in french but tbh google email and notifications do not use a big variety of words). But I've noticed a dramatic improvement in listening skills. My french reading skills have been fine for years. Theyre at a level where I can read like a high schooler: so i can read fiction for adults, but some words or literary devices go over my head and I have to just guess, the more in depth text analysis of themes might be a challenge, but just getting the story/information/most details is fine. I havent had to limit what i read in french in ages. Its just a matter of in french i feel like i did in high school where some fiction makes me "think hard" to grasp some points, versus english where i dont run into needing to Think Hard like that unless I'm reading something written pre-1800s. Anyway my point is: reading skills have been stable a while in french. Listening skills have markedly improved despite very little purposeful practice. I think I should probably start listening to podcasts or audiobooks some point soon. Through scattered listening to B1 and B2 comprehensible audio on youtube, and french shows, im to a point where if the audio has visual context i can follow everything going on and learn new words pretty easy. So now its just listening to french when i have no visuals to rely on, that's a struggle. I remember a few years back, i could not listen to french shows id just get confused, i needed the subtitles to follow anything. My ears mustve gotten used to french or just gotten used to Listening Better to things. Anyway, if i start trying and French Listening Only materials ill mention some progress.

Anyone have any french audiobooks or podcasts/fiction story podcasts they enjoy???

Japanese. also in a weird place. ToT. My biggest hurdle isnt even japanese: its being too chicken to challenge myself. I can play Yakuza Ishin in japanese and follow the main idea and objectives and main points in scenes. Yet i have NOT played more cause it feels Draining to grasp all that info from context and im lazy. I know if i watch a show in only japanese, with japanese subtitles, i know enough to grasp the main plot. But im lazy and its a LOT of effort to see the japanese subtitles and match new sounding words with kanji and try to remember the new pronunciation AND pay attention to the brand new plot. So i fall back onto english subs. I KNOW i can read japanese novels with a click dictionary, its just such SLOW reading, and if i just read while listening and Guess all unknown words its mentally exhausting even though its faster. I even have the easy peasy Glossika Japanese audio to listen to, but im still on lesson 36 because i have to Pay Full Attention when i listen to new lessons and im too lazy to listen with full attention ToT. I can watch lets plays in japanese, i understand them, but the effort of focusing is so much MORE than it would take if i just went to watch an english lets play where i can just hear in the background and follow it fine not even looking at it.

I am at a POINT in japanese where I CAN just learn by doing now! Which is huge! Its an incredibly useful milestone to be at! And makes future study, in the long run, much less daunting to plan as it can become just Do Stuff In Japanese to study. But since im at the beginning of this Comprehend Enough to Learn More from Context phase... learning new stuff from context still takes SO MUCH EFFORT. ITS SO DRAINING. Paying enough attention to comprehend things ive studied is exhausting, paying extra attention to new stuff and guessing what it means is draining and requires a Lot of focus. I know this is just how this stage goes but. Im so lazy.

What i need is something in japanese im SO interested in, that it drives me to engage with it even though I'm drained because im so Curious and Interested in understanding, so i push through until comprehending gets easier. Ideally, a game or show, something that plays so i am Forced to frequently proceed to the next sentence. Because with books and manga i will just stop and dwell on a paragraph for 2 hours and not learn much new stuff.

This stage is especially grating because im not in the stage with french or chinese anymore. I can listen to chinese shows in the background, check my phone while listening, not use the chinese subtitles, pay half attention while drawing. Chinese audiobooks require More attention, but i can listen to them walking or driving without subtitles/transcript and still follow the plot. With french Im to that same comfortable point with shows and youtube videos, not audio only stuff yet but i dont Engage with french audio only stuff. My point is Japanese is the only one where Im really feeling that INTENSE FOCUS drain whenever i try to engage with challenging new stuff in japanese. I dont feel an intense drain with chinese unless I read one of my harder reading level Print Novels or a higher vocab audio only material. I dont feel it with french unless Im doing it with audio only material. I feel the drain constantly with japanese.