#i could fill pages with how much it means to me on a personal level but it would still no be enough or sufficient to put into words

[ineffabeatlemindpalace]

This fandom is capable of being a safe space. The show represents a place where you do feel like you belong. You know that you can expect to be met with acceptance by everyone who has been working on its creation. Even if it appears like social media has become more progressive on these issues, for me, mid-twenties, any of these online spaces (Tumblr being the exception) have become distant and foreign to me. Our Flag Means Death has given me hope again. Not only on this matter, but how we treat each other in person, as well. It is a unique and privileged state to not have to overthink whether you share your pronouns, sexuality, or other details about yourself.

Here, queer and neurodivergent people come together to share the same love for something so genuine and wonderful. Even if there is more to a person than those attributes, I think this understanding is exactly what we need to keep focusing on. So often do we get judged based on labels, appearance, or behaving in any other way that differs from what society regards as normal.

The entire world will not think or act differently but what we have here is proof that in creating pieces of art and media such as this one, a difference can be – has already been – made. It can change people’s minds and attitudes towards those who are different from them. It can open their hearts to see beyond their own lives. Art very well has the power to show that we are all humans in the pursuit of peace, happiness and some kind of love, however we define that for ourselves.

[limabean42]

✎ Anxiety exploring art with an artist partner ✎

Anxiety won the poll on who I should write for next. I got a request though so I prioritized that but here you guys go!

-

• While Anxiety doesn’t think about art that often she can appreciate the dedication you have to it

• She first discovered you were an artist when she saw you painting at an easel near the window in headquarters

• You were painting a clown, like the one on goofball island

• “Why are you painting that?” she asked

• You shrugged and just said because you want to

• Anxiety was intrigued. She rarely ever had mental clarity to pursue a hobby. Always filled with worry about the future

• She just stood there next to you for a moment thinking of how you can actually have passions and interests outside of Riley

• I mean she knows the other emotions have a sense of self as well but you just seem more carefree about it

• “Would you like to try?” you asked her

• She thought for a moment, getting anxious about the what ifs. Like what if she gets too wrapped up in painting and misses a moment to help Riley?

• You noticed her overthinking and placed a hand on her shoulder making her flinch

• She finally said that she would like to paint with you

• You grabbed her an easel and canvas and she grabbed a paintbrush like it was a foreign object

• You took it from her and put it back in her hand the proper way

• Anxiety didn’t know what to paint so she asked you. You responded with whatever was calling her the most. It didn’t have to be something in person but anything she could think of

• After a few minutes she decided to paint you

• You were flattered and a bit shy but tried to play it off

• She studied you closely and painted a portrait of you painting a clown

• It was a beginner level painting as expected but very wholesome and cute

• Anxiety felt strangely calm while painting and proud of herself after completing her masterpiece

• Immediately she rushed to hang the canvas on the wall, declaring everyone should look at it and tell her what they thought

• You were proud of her and gave her a big hug from behind accompanied by a kiss on the cheek

• After that you both would paint together more often

• Art wasn’t her main focus but she did enjoy it

• Before she tried painting she saw it as a waste of time, for herself at least

• Since then she’s come to realize that she is her own person as well as a part of Riley

• She loves to watch you draw in your sketchbook and on your drawing tablet

• It’s fascinating to her how you can just visualize something in your mind and recreate it in real life

• “Can you teach me how to draw now?” she asked excitedly after seeing you on your tablet

• You call her over to the couch and teach her what to do and press to get her desired product

• Anxiety hyper focuses very easily on anything she’s intrigued by. Right now she’s fascinated by the way your hand moves, connecting lines to create a bigger picture

• The other emotions are glad she’s found something to occupy her time with other than sitting in her massage chair

• So much respect was gained for you once she realized how genuinely creative you have to be to be an artist

• As a gift you give her a sketchbook

• Most of her sketches are of you doing various things around headquarters. You joke with her saying it’s good practice for drawing hands

• She likes sitting with her massage chair on while she draws, even though the constant shaking makes the line work a little wonky

• When she’s stressed she draws what she’s feeling. These pictures are mostly considered abstract with various colors and chaotic swirls to represent her anxiety

• While she’s in her head you drop what you’re doing and start drawing with her so she doesn’t go through her paranoid thoughts alone

• Your sketchbook is filled with lots of things, including some cute drawings of her

• Even your drawings that aren’t of her have part of her in them. Like if your drawing is in the center of the page there will be a tiny sketch of Anxiety at the bottom with a speech bubble above her head saying something random

• It really shows how much space she takes up in your mind

• With most of her sketches being of you it’s safe to assume that you take up a big spot in her mind as well

• “I hope I can be as good of an artist as you one day so we can continue to improve together”

-

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed and I’ll be getting to requests tomorrow :)

[yandereend]

You are looking for asks? Alright!

What is your take on the guys of MHA? Who do you think would most likely be a yandere? Lets say that they have taken notice of person who likes to draw. When she has a spare moment she doesn't play on her phone but instead likes to draw in a sketch book that she carries with her everywhere. After a few encounters one sided encounters (she doesn't notice their presence) she accidentally leaves her sketch book on a park bench. How would yanderes respond to finding the sketch book? What if the sketch book contained the reader's contact information?

Yandere Dabi x artistic reader

Okay maybe I am a simp but i always pictured dabi as a yandere (also he gives: darling guess whose back from jail, vibes )

TW : yandere stuff, simp behavior, bad English since its not my native language

Let me know which mha character I should write about too💜

———————-

I just always saw Dabi as a yandere, I mean think about it. This guy is traumatized to no end, hes clearly obsessed with revenge and seems laser focused on his goals.

So when he spotted you by yourself in a cafe he was intrigued. Everyone in there was looking at their phones except for you two. To be honest he would look at it if he had one, but lets be honest my man is fucking broke. And you, since you were focused on the paper infront of you.

Your sketch book was filled with drawings of everything you could think of, it showed which shows you watch, what your favorite flowers are, even your personal style could be found in the characters outfits. And he was so fascinated by the way you stopped caring for your surroundings and stared at the page.

He couldn’t help but follow you home. He knew he was messed up but stalking was a new level for him. But he loved watching you so much, he always imagined how things would go if he was there too, sitting on the couch watching you draw while one hand was resting on your thigh.

And then his lucky day came. You forgot your sketchbook while some random thief came into the cafe you were sitting in. Poor baby, he thought, so scared of some thief even though he could show you real power.

But now here he was holding your beloved sketchbook in his scared hands, brushing over the stickers you put on it and finally getting a look inside.

Wtf was that ?!?! Why are you drawing those awful heroes?! They are just good for nothings who wouldn’t even care for your existence!!! They are not hot !! … why is there a sketch of Shoto in it ?

Dont worry darling hes coming to get you. Who cares about your old life, he will give you all the utensils you need. He will show you what a real hero is. And he will be just that.

Your hero.

——————-

I hope you liked it darling 💜 please let me know your opinion and further ideas, this ask showed me how much i love writing for mha 💜

Let me know your opinions and what character should be next 💜

[dreamerdrop]

Saw your Abscess-verse timeline and now I'm very curious if you have any thoughts on what an 'If Wishes Were Horses' AU for it would look like 🧐

Oooh, I’ve been puzzling over that episode for a while now, lol.

I’m kind of torn, between there’s so many ways it could go in this ‘verse. Like, if Julian imagines Sloan, is there even anything I can do with that? Not REALLY, not unless I specifically want to write a threesome lmao, so what else can we do with it…

If he still imagines Jadzia, that gives me a couple problems. While it would obviously trigger Sloans’ jealous nature, and it would provide a good context for Sloan in guilting Julian into distancing himself from her more. HOWEVER. As far as this ‘verse goes, Sloan doesn’t really see Jadzia as much of a threat. He doesn’t think she reciprocates ANYTHING for Julian, but her friendship with him is something he dislikes… I mean, she’s a threat because she’s smart and competent and a nice person and she likes Julian as a friend, so if she notices that anything is up with Sloan and how he treats Julian, she’d intervene, yes, but…

At this stage, Sloan is still largely playing “good boyfriend”, and while he does want to create distance between Julian and everyone else for possessive personal reasons, he doesn’t actually think Julian having FRIENDS is a big problem right now, because he hasn’t done anything that he thinks would cause them to dislike him, so it’s not like he’s pulling Julian away from everyone else on a CONSCIOUS level.

On the other hand, Sloan is already annoyed by Julian’s relationship with Garak, since he perceives it as being MUTUAL. I mean, he’d have to be blind to not recognise that Julian and Garak are both attracted to each other, and that does piss Sloan off, because that’s a direct threat to his relationship with Julian, and he’s not really a sharing kind of guy.

And well, he probably does try to be cool about it most of the time, he doesn’t fully freak out over their relationship until Cardassians and he thinks that there’s absolutely gotta be something up with how ridiculously calm Julian is about having Garak in his bedroom in the middle of the night. (And his jealousy and conviction that Julian is cheating on him with Garak is indeed entirely genuine, he really does believe that, and it obviously does not make any of it better.)

So I can’t really have him imagine Garak either, because that would throw the rest of the timeline off lmao.

I could take a page from some other rewrites of the episode, and consider that because Sloan has been filling Julian’s head with weird hypotheticals about how many lives are worth losing for the sake of the greater good and Julian does (I think?) have a stated focus on pediatrics, that y’know, maybe he’s preoccupied with his own childhood that day, and in a striking horror of bad luck, he accidentally manifests a version of Jules, which causes all kinds of awful problems.

And that could slot in to Sloan’s suspicions about Julian having a deep dark secret that Sloan wants to find out for totally benign reasons… (I mean, he isn’t deliberately PLANNING to use it as a threat or blackmail or anything, he just wants to be close to his partner, y’know? And sharing secrets is part of being close to your partner and trusting them, that’s all.)

But, gah. That would involve rewriting massive, massive chunks from the episode entirely, and it would be annoyingly convulted and complicated, and it would feel kinda forced to me, like I would feel as though I were actively shoving a confrontation in where it doesn’t quite belong, instead of letting things flow more organically…

So I feel like it WOULD end up being Jadzia he imagines, as per canon, but that the atmosphere of that is changed radically instead. Julian is guilty and nervous because, well, he kind of feels like he’s sort of cheating on Sloan by imagining these things, and Sloan is ALSO one of the senior staff that gets called to Ops for that episode, so he gets to SEE Julian with an imaginary and agressively overtly sexual Jadzia hanging off him and—

Oooh, wait, wait. That version of Jadzia is pretty much constantly refusing to take no for an answer from Julian too… Sloan might well take that as implied permission to be more and more forceful because hey, apparently Julian is into that stuff, right?

Jadzia’s responses would probably be different, but not by a lot. I think she would think it’s a funny thing to tease Julian about, but she’d also be a little put off by Sloan being so agitated by it… which would contribute to her guilt later on about not realizing sooner that something was wrong in that relationship…

… There’s also the potential for what someone like Sloan would imagine as well, which quite frankly, I think if one of Sloan’s fantasies came to life, it would be, idk, something like Julian with a puppy tail butt plug in a leash and muzzle and cock cage on his knees in Sloans’ quarters, desperate to hump his masters leg.

Nobody would ever find out about that one, of course, because Sloan has SOME dignity and he’s a little in denial that he even has those kinks to begin with, so Imaginary Puppy Boy Julian stays locked in his quarters all day, and Sloan is little disappointed he’s gone by the end of it, because having had to spend the whole day watching Julian with an imaginary Jadzia slobbering all over him, he was kinda hoping he could work out some of his frustrations on the Puppy Julian instead.

It’s fine, though, since Julian clearly WANTS someone to force themselves on him, he’ll just give Julian what they both want anyway. :D

[yeehawpim]

HI UM i really admire you and your art and i was wondering --

so i really love the way you format your comics, its really straight-forward and lets the reader process every word with ease (which i think adds to the impact of the writing), and that one rue comic with the split colors for the parentheses... how do you do it without making it look so messy?? to bring up another example, the hide-and-seek comic- i love how subtle and genius the call back to hiding behind the door was, it blew my mind... i take a lot of inspiration from the way you format and lay out your comics but for some reason i cant wrap my head around how you do so much with so little (in reality this might just be the result of me wanting to add so many little details for others to find , while being conflicted on keeping it simple, and,,, AGH...) for context : im trying to make a comic about isolation, but i keep filling up the page because i want to add things - when really i know i should be keeping it simple... but other than removing unnecessary details, i want to know what else you do to make your comics so clean and simple yet it rips out the emotions from your heart and has you stare at it as it beats. like... i want that type of impact!! i want to affect others on such an intense level!! i want to induce emotions!!! but how?

(sorry this was long, HAHAHA i just want to drive my point home- again with the 'wanting to add a lot of stuff to prove a point' thing but i digress)

ok first of all that is a huge compliment and it means v much to me, thank you 😭🙏❤️❤️

tbh for me the answer of keeping things uncluttered is paying attention to spacing and eye direction. Spacing depends on timing, if you want an action to happen slowly for instance you can make the space between panels longer, or take more panels for someone to complete an action. There's tricks for directing your eye, if you ever read anyth about focal points (eg biggest contrast, triangular shapes pointing towards what's important), but really with comics I keep in mind you're reading left to right and top to bottom.

The ruehob comic is actually simpler than you think 😅 I already knew which text had to be on the left and right with august's text post. And after that the "lanes" were so narrow there weren't a lot of complicated things I could do, just make sure you still read left to right and saunter vaguely downwards.

when you talk about putting little details, that doesn't necessarily have to distract people. Like I honestly applaud you having the drive to do detailing. You just have to make sure your compositions allow for it. Like if you think about ghibli backgrounds, they're elaborate and beautiful af.

For smth about isolation, my first thought was that you can draw a person in a setting alone among a bunch of objects, for instance. If you keep the person small but surround them with a bunch of detailed objects, it could feel very lonely. Just make sure the person still stands out b/c they're what's important, so for example the background stuff is a less saturated colour, or the person is the least detailed thing on the page. I think that's the main thing, you just have to make sure the things important to what you're saying stand out. Clarity is rlly half the battle when I'm laying things out haha

In school our teacher called this "killing your babies" because it sucks when you work hard on a cool drawing and it just doesn't work out😂This also still happens to me, it's actually partly why I keep things simple so I can work fast and throw out less

Here is a timestamp from supereyepatchwolf's video about Chainsaw Man, which has some of the coolest fuckin layouts

He's got other stuff that talks about manga and how eye direction can work and what cool stuff has been done. Off the top of my head his vid about one piece and his vid about gantz have helped me understand how to cause Emotions. Also I think he has one about Junji Ito that specifically talks about how details can make you scared, if you're into that 😂

hope this helps!

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

If you're looking for some indie novels to get you into the Halloween mood, let me recommend the works of my friend Ren Montgomery. She's self-published over on Amazon, and I want to get the word out for her three books.

Horror

Haunt is a period piece set in the late 1970s. It tells the story of the Stewarts, a dysfunctional family who are looking for a fresh start in a brand new housing development, but the trauma they bring with them feeds into something sinister within the house itself. Pete is an abusive alcoholic, Mae is a lapsing fundamentalist at her wits' end, and their three young girls Kelly, Robin, and Lori are just trying to get through the new school year without slitting each others' throats.

Ren explores what it means to have faith when your views don't line up with what your Church dictates, and when those in power don't have your best interest at heart. Haunt is about the ties that bind a struggling family together, for better, or more often for worse, and the pain they face while trying to break the cycle of abuse. The presence which darkens the doorstep of the Stewarts' new haunt heightens their worst impulses and brings each and every one of them to their personal breaking point.

Haunt is both terrifying and gripping, and the 70s setting permeates every aspect of the plot; it doesn't feel like a modern story with a nostalgic 1970s coat of paint over it, it feels like something straight out of the dingy, smoke-filled, no-seatbelts-or-airbags era, an oft forgotten aspect of the decade that so many authors struggle to capture on page.

Contemporary fantasy

Monsters Are We is a story about burning bridges, both accidentally and on purpose. With some relationships, when the passion is gone, you can cut your losses and go your separate ways, but Penelope Draven doesn't have that option. Her old life with Leo the soul-sucking cheater needs to come to an end so her new life can begin.

She's danced this dance before, but this time around is going to be much more difficult for two very important reasons. First, she finally has something that makes her hesitate before throwing it all away, something she wants desperately to take with her when she goes; her teenage daughter, Clementine. Second, Leo knows what she is, what she's done, and what she's capable of, and he's not going to let either of them go so easily.

Ren explores the relationship between a mother and daughter from two very different generations, but who are more like one another than either realize. Monsters Are We is about figuring out who you are and choosing who you want to be. It's about being allowed to make irreparable mistakes so you can learn from them. The Draven girls find themselves on a road trip to hell and back which puts their lives and the lives of their closest friends into Leo's crosshairs. When they find themselves down on their luck, Penelope knows how to make her own, but it comes with a price.

Psychological thriller

Drawn to You is the story of the one that got away and one woman's twisted machinations to try and get it back. Ruby Deardon never got over her college crush, Sean Chaplin. They could have had something beautiful, Ruby tells herself, if only they had had anything at all. The timing was never right, the dominoes never fell the way she needed them to, so she lost her chance at her fairy tale happy ending.

Well, after nearly a decade of pining from a distance she decides to take matters into her own hands and insert herself back into Sean's life so they can finally have the life she's always wanted. He wants it too, she's sure of it, he just doesn't know it yet.

But just as she's about to zero in on Sean, she learns that Jeremy is zeroing in on her. She's was his one that got away, and while most women would be wary of his level of obsession, Ruby sees him as nothing but an obstacle standing between her and the future she's set her mind on. Jeremy is an unexpected dog in Ruby's game of cat and mouse, but cats have claws, and he has no idea what she's willing to do to make sure the mouse gets got.

[chaoticstrata]

WIP...Monday? (Rookcanis Fic)

I realized I didn't post a work in progress-last Wednesday, so here's a longer one today!

I'm not 100% with this. It feels like I'm forcing too much, but it could be that I'm not used to having so many people in a scene. I'm trying to give some backstory for Kai and to set up the next story.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The dining hall was filled with the smells of roasting brussel sprouts, cooked pork, and coffee. Rook could already feel his stomach rumbling, more than ready to dig into dinner. However, there was still some time before everything was done. Sighing, Rook settled in further on the corner of the couch, one foot tucked under his leg while the other was flat on the floor. A book he found on old poisons cradled in his lap as he casually read the contents. Maybe he could find a poison for Viago to add to his collection, for the other man’s nameday. Although, with how particular his mentor was, that might be an impossible task.

“Hey Rook?”

Rook slowly looked up from his book as one Bellara Lutare sat down next to him in the cozy little corner they’d been building up since arriving at the Lighthouse. Her uncertain tone suggested she was about to ask him something he may or may not want to answer. 

Raising a brow he replied, “Yeah, Bel?”

“Could I ask you something sort of personal?” she asked, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, “Well maybe not sort of…most definitely personal…but you don’t have to answer! Or you could say-”

“Bel,” Rook interrupted her with a soft laugh, “What’s the question?”

“Right, sorry,” she said, shifting in her seat. “I couldn’t help noticing your facial tattoos…or uh…” 

“My vallaslin? Yeah, they are a little hard to miss,” Rook chuckled, already knowing where this conversation was about to head. He noticed a few of their other friends looking over with varying levels of interest. Which wasn’t surprising in all honesty. He couldn’t remember a time where he went into a large amount of detail about his past with the team. They pretty much knew the basics--that he was a Crow of house de Riva, a spellblade Mage, a bit of a sarcastically sassy bastard, and that he was addicted to coffee just as much as Luancis was. So, of course, they were going to be interested in new information they could glean from him.

The veil jumper seemed excited by the confirmation “So they are real! I mean, of course they’re real but…”

“Bellara,” he laughed, dog earring the page he was on and closing the book. He looked over at her, more than highly amused. “Are you, in a roundabout way, trying to ask if I’m Dalish?”

“Yes,” she replied abashedly as she gave him a sheepish look--adorable crooked grin and all.

The Crow chuckled again. 

“I was born into a Dalish clan,” Rook shared, “but I left the clan with my mother when I was around six. She raised me with my father in Treviso.”

“Oh?” Bellara asked, scooting her chair closer in excitement, “Which clan?”

“I…don’t know, actually,” he admitted, shrugging when she gave him a curious look. “I was young when we left, so I only have vague memories of the clan, and my mother refused to tell me when asked.”

“What about your father? Did you ask him?” Davrin inquired as he joined them in the sitting area. “You mentioned he was in Treviso with you.”

Rook hesitated a moment, trying to think of how to respond that wouldn’t subjugate him with further questions…at least about his fathers.

“I did mention that, yeah…but the man I call father isn’t the man who helped bring me into this world. He’s the one who raised me,” the elven assassin explained, “…my birth father, my Da, died around the same time we left the clan.”

Bellara gasped softly while Davrin visibly winced. 

The Warden instantly apologized. “Shit, Rook, I’m sorry I-”

“It’s alright Dav, there was no way for you to know,” Rook interrupted, giving him a small smile. “No harm done, I promise.”

“Still…” Davrin sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

Before an awkward silence could fall over them, Taash dragged over a chair from the table and sat on it backward.

“So, why’d you and your mom leave your clan?” they asked, resting their chin on their arms.

Rook couldn’t help but grin at Taash’s straightforwardness, it was his favorite thing about them. Admittedly, he saw them like the little sibling he never had, especially with helping them discover themself much like he did all those years ago. It felt like he had taken them under his wing and became the over protective big brother. Granted, they’d probably say they didn’t need his protection--which was true, but still. Was this what Viago felt about him? Like a big brother? Rook certainly played the role of annoying little brother…so, probably not the exact same way. 

Setting his book on the table--he knew wasn’t going to get a chance to open it again before dinner--he raised a hand and let fire dance over his fingers before extinguishing it with a closed fist.

“Because my magic manifested and the clan already had too many mages,” he said matter-of-factly, “and they were very traditional with…well, everything--or so my mother tells me.”

“I take it they had a Keeper and a First?” Davrin asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Yeah, plus a few others, like a spirit healer and apothecary…I think,” Rook answered, “They were pushing five or six when I was born. While they were a larger clan in general, that was still probably too many for them.”

“Why would too many mages matter?” Taash inquired with a frown.

“Oh! There’s a number of reasons why,” Bellara spoke up, “To keep the Templars away, to keep from infighting on who would be First or Keeper--granted…that still usually happened…and it really depends on the clan.”

“It also meant less of a chance of demons or abominations…” Davrin added, sipping from the cup he brought over, “one could easily wipe out a smaller clan…”

Rook stopped listening after a bit, glancing over at Lucanis, who was still working away in the kitchenette. To the casual observer, the other Crow showed no indication he was paying their conversation any mind. However, Rook could see by how he positioned his body and tilted head that Lucanis was keenly listening in. 

His attention was drawn back to the conversation around him when Taash directed another question towards him.

“So are you Dalish or Antivan?”

Rook grinned and leaned against the arm rest.

“Not that I’m exclusively one or the other,” he chuckled softly, “but…I consider myself an Antivan who pays homage to his Dalish roots where he can.”

“Oh…” they murmured before tilting their head inquisitively, “Did your mother teach you all the Dalish stuff then?”

His smile softened at the question, knowing they were seeing similarities with their own mother.

“She did, but only after I asked about it…although she did stroke the flames of that curiosity by telling me old Dalish bedtime stories,” Rook replied with a soft laugh. He gestured to his vallaslin, “I got invested enough to learn elven and ask for these when I came of age--typically not how that is supposed to be done, but my mother didn’t seem to mind.”

“Did those hurt?” Taash probed.

“Fuck yes they did,” Rook laughed, grinning when Darvrin and Bellara nodded in solidarity. “And that was with someone who knew what they were doing.”

“Were they done by your mother?” Bellara asked, leaning forward in her seat, “She knows how to do blood writing?”

“No they weren’t, no she doesn’t, and mine were done by a Keeper,” he replied, a small grin on his lips.

“Wait…but…”

“Not the Keeper from the clan we left,” Rook chuckled, “There’s one that passes by Treviso and trades there often. Clan Velannor. They’re…a little non-traditional--compared to most clans anyways.” 

“How so?”

“While they do keep various traditions alive, they strive on looking forward to the future of elves instead of back. Because of this, Keeper Nerian had no qualms about performing the blood writing ceremony.”

[tariah23]

Still unfortunate that Fabricant 100 was axed. I’d just found it not too long ago (like two weeks ago or so) and ended up binging it because I found it decent enough to do so. It was never really all that boring to me either like, it kept me interested despite its problems and I still wanted to see more of it. But it’s over now. Well… I can say that there is no shame in having your manga axed after only 30+ chapters (shit happens) and it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed or have never had the chops to keep your manga running in a popular ass weekly magazine like JUMP, either.

I can point out quite a few positives from the manga at least. For one, the art for F100 remained very fairly consistent throughout it’s short run and it was aesthetically pleasing enough for me to linger on many pages that left me saying stuff like “Ohhhhh, sexyyyyy-“ and “so cool, I need more of this!!!” Like, the mangaka’s art style was very appealing to me right off the bat and I really loved the way that they drew faces and eyes especially. I’ve mentioned this before but I can definitely tell that they’re a fan of JJK because of their style. It’s always nice to see other mangaka be influenced by their fellow peers and friends. This is just my personal observation though but you can really see it in their style (just more polished vs JJK’s more rough look.) not to compare the two but yeah.

The story was pleasant enough for me to keep on pushing without feeling like it was a drag. It’s unfortunately axed to the shadow realms, never to see the light of day again, but I’d still recommend it if you’re just looking for something that is extremely easy to digest in a short period of time. There’s a decent amount of violence (typical for what you’d find in most shounen), some heart stings being pulled ever so slightly, again, great art, and a new fav character who you’ll say deserved so much better than what she’d gotten *cough* 100 *cough* 🚬.

On to my grievances with the story itself. Well… after finishing it (I just read the final chapter a couple of hours ago), I can… sadly understand why it had gotten axed.

For one, I feel as though the plot had been a little too fast paced for the kind of story that it was for it to work? The plot could be easily followed but the story didn’t linger on the world or the characters and their lives enough to fill in the blanks, causing readers to probably not care too much for what was even going on outside of admiring the art and looking at how cool 100 was. Tbh…… Would’ve helped with developing the characters a whole lot better if the mangaka had given themselves more time (it’s JUMP so who knows how much stress they had been most likely under while working on this series.) Fast paced stories CAN work! But I feel like you’d have to be an extremely disciplined, and probably seasoned writer, to pull off such a feat: i.e Fujimoto. Not comparing him to others (it’s unfair, sorry) but he’s pretty much on an entirely separate level when it comes to how he progresses his stories and how he chooses to transition them vs his peers. CSM is handled extremely well in that regard. Sometimes, you just need to slow done your plot, the world, and characters that exist within it in order to better understand where you’d like to take it next. ☠��� Because of this, majority of the characters did fall a bit flat because we got to meet them but we never had the chance to know them as characters outside the one or two chapters they might’ve appeared in just to add a bit of action and raise the stakes of the story. The thing is, the few characters that we did meet were actually pretty alright? They weren’t boring at all to me, they just lacked a lot of importance to the story and felt like place holder for the plot’s transition from point A to point B, to point C, onto D, etc like… they all felt like they were just there to advance a scene pretty much. It would’ve been great to learn more about some of them (the siblings and Luka especially. Felt completely wasted tbh.)

The MC, Ashibi Yao, wasn’t the worst shounen MC at all, either. I felt like he’d been limited as a character though. Like, his family were known to have unnaturally long lifespans for them to just be literal humans, and could all heal themselves from most injuries despite being a completely normal family. The reason for his family’s abilities were later explained in the last couple of chapters of the manga but I felt like there could’ve been more to this? Idk, I guess it wasn’t too bad when I really think about it. But I didn’t find him using his “spark,” (enhanced abilities that the body already holds deep inside or whatever. Since his body is not normal, his healing abilities had been greatly enhanced due to him receiving a spark,) all that interesting if I’m being completely honest. Like, him just jumping around and spilling his blood in any old flashy way like that…? Eh. Would I still like to see him doing this once it hits chapter 100? No way, man. His personality wasn’t too bad though. He had some kind of bite to him and didn’t fall to much into the “uwu, soft boy MC,” category like Tanjirou for example (very boring character archetype, especially if that is all that there is to them personally wise like give me something. Deku had fit this category as well for a short while but I remember enjoying his character regardless because of how quirky he was. I just wanted to root for him ^^. I still care about a couple of BNHA characters even tho I don’t care about the series anymore. Making a character too honest can be a turnoff. You have to give them some kind of personality to go along with their pure heart as well because then otherwise, they’d just end up as your run of the mill, shounen MC who doesn’t stick out at all.) Ashibi was honest and had a good heart but he was out for revenge. And never faltered and instead, put his trust into his will to keep going and 100’s power by his side. Idk, his journey had been short but I was happy for him in the end. He got to live and start his life over at the age of 18. He was a decent MC. The mangaka just needed to give him MORE of the things that he’d already possessed is all. And cooler powers!!!

Tbh, the Fabricants weren’t all that interesting at all… except for 100 (and that one Fabricant who had started to regret what he’d done at the end of his life… would’ve been nice to run into all sorts of different Fabricants who’d probably felt differently about their origin? Maybe they didn’t want to become the “ideal human,” (forgot to mention that this was the main conflict of the manga. All of the Fabricants (false human shaped individuals who’d all been created from the corpses of dead people who’d been bombed 🗿…) had been created by a Doctor who built those very bombs (he felt bad afterwards, blah blah blah, and wanted to make amends for his actions by bringing people with the purest hearts back or whatever. But none of his creations had ever proven successful. Upon bringing a Fabricant to life, he’d immediately reject them, causing each and every Fabricant to immediately feel insecure about their right to be alive if they’re weren’t perfect or what the doctor had wanted. They were all born with the mindset of wanting to become the ideal human being. Each Fabricants strength is based off of the order in which they’d been born. The largest number meaning the strongest. The MC just so happens to travel the world with the Strongest of them all. 100. Who had been the final Fabricant created by the Doctor. She’s kind of everything actually. I think her character was just too big for the story and that she would’ve thrived if the circumstances would have been different. She was pretty much the most interesting character out of the whole story and if the manga wouldn’t have gotten axed, if the story would’ve improved enough for it to continue, I could’ve easily seen her becoming a really popular character across social media. It’s too bad. 😔❤️.

I’m done talking tbh. Would like to say more but it’s over, man. I’d still be interested in reading more of what this mangaka has to offer whenever they do decided to work on something new and hopefully, their next work will become pretty successful. Their art is so nice, it would be a shame to see such a promising mangaka disappear after F100’s axing. I believe in them!

[olympusfarm]

You open the well-worn journal. the cardboard front-cover is severely faded. the yellowed pages protest as you open it up. the first page is blank but the second page is filled with cramped cursive handwriting.

Winter 20, Year Two

I really don't know what to put in here. I found this journal in my mailbox this morning, with no real explanation.

So I guess I'll start at the beginning.

I came to Stardew Valley almost two years ago now. I guess I would say my life back in Zuzu city was a comfortable one. After graduating college with a bachelors degree in botany, I got a job as a bartender at a club near my apartment. my apartment was small, but I liked it enough.

It always felt like something was missing, though. When my grandfather Uranos died and left the farm in my name, I decided it was worth a shot. I might as well use my bachelors degree for something.

Life here is good. I quickly became friends with Linus and Rasmodius. Linus has always been nice to me, and I know Rasmodius cares, even though he doesn't show it much. I don't often have time to visit them anymore, but I try to visit them when I have time.

The farm is doing well, and the community center is slowly getting restored. The fish tank and bulletin board have been giving me some trouble though. I've made it to the bottom of the mines and am trying to get to level 25 of skull caverns for Qi. My animals are doing well, I have two chickens named Helen and Hypnos, a duck named Hector, a cow named Helios, and a goat named Pan. I don't worry about money for the most part and I redecorated my cabin recently. I like how it looks.

Other than Rasmodius and Linus, I've been getting closer with some of the townspeople. Abigail is slowly becoming one of my best friends along with Alex, I've come to learn that George is not as mean as he makes himself out to be, Pam really cares about the town when she's not drunk, Emily is very caring and kind, Leah is super talented, Harvey is shy, but cares a lot about the well being of everyone, and Maru is probably the smartest person out of everyone in town.

Shane is the only one I have yet to figure out. Even though I give him tons of gifts and he seems to like them, he still acts so mean to me. He doesn't make any sense. I know there's a sweet side of him down there somewhere.

Regardless, I feel more at home here than I have ever felt.

I think I can really make a life for myself here.

-D.O.

You close the journal delicately and place it in the backpack you brought. You could read more, but it's getting dark and you should head back to Pierre's, where you've been staying for the time being. You'll read more later.

Next ->

[emachinescat]

A Year in (Book) Review: My 2024 Reading Journey 📚

#32 - A Murder Is Announced by Agatha Christie

Mystery / Miss Marple #5 / 240 pages / published in 1950 / Finished Mar. 11

One Sentence Review: Another mind-boggling mystery from Agatha Christie, this book takes murder to a whole new level by having the killer announce it ahead of time - filled with interesting suspects, subtle but brilliant clues, and some truly shocking twists, this Miss Marple mystery is well worth the read!

Favorite Quotes

"What I feel is my own business."

*

"People are really very alike, everywhere."

*

"People in the dark are quite different, aren't they?"

*

"Because people like living, don't they? ... Even if you're old and in pain and can just crawl out in the sun. Julian says those people love living even more than young strong people do. It's harder, he says, for them to die, the struggle's greater. I like living myself - not just being happy and enjoying myself and having a good time. I mean living - waking up and feeling, all over me, that I'm there..."

*

"And I like sleeping in a big cold room - it's so cosy to snuggle down with just the tip of your nose telling you what it's like up above."

*

"I've had a lot of physical pain - but if you have pain, you know how to enjoy the exquisite pleasure of the time when pain stops."

My rating: 4/5

A Few More Thoughts (Spoilers):

Despite some serious xenophobia in pretty much all of the English characters (unfortunately common for the time), this is yet another mind-blowing mystery. Once more, Christie completely stumped me, and the reveal was so dramatic and surprising.

This was my first Miss Marple book, and I was surprised at just how little she was actually in the book, even though we see later that she was always at work behind the scenes.

Though probably not an intentional lesson on the part of the author (though perhaps it could have been, at least somewhat), this book shows that one should not make assumptions about another person, particularly assumptions based on stereotypes, and not to discount of mistrust people on the basis that they are different.

[tvmicroscope]

Hi! Thank you ever so much for sharing your metaphor analytics. I feel like I'm seeing YR in a completely few light after having read them.

I want to ask you (but feel no pressure to reply), if you have any thoughts on verbal foretelling based on sarcasm, fears or simply being hideous wrong. I don't even know what's it technically called. But what I mean is a lot of the stuff that August spew in at least the early episodes of S1 are foreshadowing stuff that will happen to him ("Don't use the school WiFi..., You could kill someone and...) and my personal favourite "Do we want the future king..). So my question is there are some pretty evident lines that foreshadowing events - have you seen some more subtle and systematic usage of this technique throughout S1 and S2?

Actually there is one particular line by Rosh in S1 that I think foreshadows something about Simon, that is "Where are you going?". I really love that line and the ensuing dialogue.

Hey, I really, really have to apologize for replying to your kind ask so very late. I have a huge backlog when it comes to messages and comments right now. Everyone is so lovely and kind, but I can barely keep up with it all. I have a feeling that I will have to take a bit of a tumblr break (and break from other social media platforms, as well) because I can’t do both: write my analysis posts on my blog AND keep interacting on other platforms. I'll have to choose one, and that's going to the writing itself.

Anyway, I know this is no excuse for being so embarrassingly late, but I hope you’ll forgive me for the delay because I do actually find it so very encouraging and motivating when people like you say nice things about my little blog project. It really helps me and keeps me focused, so thank you for letting me know you enjoy the close-reading analysis I’m doing on the show. I’m surprised and a bit exhilarated to find out how many people tell me they’re seeing the whole show in a new light. It’s all very, very much appreciated.

As for your question…

Yes, I totally agree with and I think you are absolutely right: Looking at throw-away lines is very important when analyzing a ‘text’ (be it a novel, play, TV show, film, etc.). When a writer sits down to write a screenplay, they obviously don’t just come up with funny lines (or sarcastic or angry lines, for that matter) to fill the page. Usually, they will try to make sure the line in question is connected to the deeper theme of their ‘text’. Everything in their ‘text’ has to fulfil a purpose, i.e. either drive the plot forward or be plugged in into the broader network of metaphorical subtext.

One of the things we have to keep in mind, though, is the fact that not every line in a ‘text’ is necessarily a metaphorical line. There are lines that are just plain text, so to speak.

In essence, you end up with two types of throw-away lines:

1) Lines on the literal level (the textual layer=plot) that have ONE meaning (even if, at that point in the story, that meaning is still obscure to us, i.e. if the line serves the purpose of foreshadowing future events).

2) Lines that operate on both the literal level (textual layer) AND a subtextual level (metaphorical layer underneath) and thus have TWO different (sometimes divergent) meanings; they can even have three different meanings, when the meta-level is involved.

Let me give you an example: August’s line in s1 during the initiation party that you mentioned in your ask about being able to ‘murder somebody here without it ever coming out’ (I’m paraphrasing). That line is most likely a case of type 1. from our list above, i.e. it operates on the literal level of the script even if we assume it foreshadows some future revelation that we don't yet know anything about. It’s not a line that’s plugged into a metaphor. It’s not metaphorical subtext; it’s text.

If August were to proceed to murder (or try to murder) someone later on. Or alternatively get killed himself. Or if we were find out that somebody else was murdered and it was covered it up, then that would give us a resolution, explain to us why the line was said in the first place and what surprising revelation exactly it was foreshadowing.

This line is however (most likely) not a metaphor. In a metaphor something else represents the concept you’re trying to allude to. Just to give you an example: When Wilhelm in episode two of season one tells Simon in the boat to ‘keep the strokes close to the surface of the water, so as not to expend too much energy’, this is clearly a metaphorical line (type 2. from our list above) because it clearly has two meanings: the literal one (rowing advice) and the metaphorical one (rather dumb and conservative relationship advice). And we instantly see that it’s a metaphor because one thing (rowing) represents another thing (feelings/relationships), one concept stands in for another one.

This is most likely not the case with the ‘murder someone’ line: Here one thing (murdering someone) literally means that same thing (murdering someone). It’s (most likely) not a metaphor; it’s not metaphorical subtext; it’s just text – even if the meaning of the text is currently obscure to us because the show isn’t yet finished.

Why am I telling you all of this (you’re probably bored just reading it because you know all of this already :D)…

Because what I’m mainly concentrating on in my metaphor posts on my substack blog is the metaphorical subtext, i.e. the metaphorical lines, the type 2. lines, so to speak. I sometimes use plain textual lines (type 1 lines) as evidence when I think they are somehow connected to a broader point I’m trying to make or reinforce an argument I’m making, but I don’t really discuss them in and of themselves.

Mainly because, with a line that still hasn’t revealed its meaning to us because it’s obscure at this point in the story, I just don’t really know what to do with it. We can speculate what it means (which is always interesting, of course), but ultimately we don’t know. It’s fun. But if it’s not connected to the metaphorical subtext, I will probably not write about it in and of itself.

Now, as for the Rosh’s line that you mentioned (and thank you again for reminding me, my brain is like a sieve sometimes), that one arguably straddles the boundary between text and subtext, between type 1 line and type 2 line: Rosh, Ayub and Simon are pretty much talking figuratively already at that point, i.e. when Rosh says, “Where are you going?” she isn't asking whether Simon is literally leaving the room, this is meant figuratively (‘where are you going in life?’). It clearly foreshadows Simon’s path that’ll lead him away from Bjärstad not just as a place, but away from the narrow confines of his working class upbringing. So far the line is not a metaphor yet (there isn’t one concept that stands in for another one like, say, ‘water’ for feelings, or a ‘suitcase’ for a burdensome role, or ‘music’ for love, or the ‘ear’ for the heart, etc.). But it’s definitely meant to be understood figuratively. So far it has had only a tragic meaning (Simon only ‘went viral’ in the context of a crime that was committed against his privacy), but when it comes to leaving Bjärstad and the confines of his working class upbringing behind, I could very well see this at some point mean something along the lines of: going to university or study music at a conservatory - something often frowned upon in a milieu with a working-class background (the age-old, “What do you need that highfalutin' stuff for? Learn a trade like everyone else in the family!”). I still have a tiny hope that, “Where are you going?” might mean the famous Verbier Music Festival. If Simon gets at least an invitation in the mail and that’s the third time Verbier is mentioned (in a much more positive light than before), I would be over the moon.

Ultimately, it’s again a line that can foreshadow a lot of things, but it’s (probably) not meant to be understood entirely metaphorically, which is also why I most likely won’t discuss it on the blog itself where I’ll try to stick strictly to the metaphors.Does that make any sense?

I feel I’ve written too much, but I hope that makes up at least a little bit for the long delay.

Thank you again for your kind words, and you’re always welcome to read more on the blog. Even if I take a tumblr break, I will keep posting a new article every week (usually on the weekend).

All the best!

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia

I'm curious, do you enjoy reading fics with trauma recovery as much as you enjoy writing them?

And is there anything you enjoy writing but hate/dislike reading? And vice versa?

Hi anon!

I do enjoy reading fics with trauma recovery! It's mostly what I read when I'm looking for something longer, however, I don't like trauma recovery just because it's trauma recovery? It needs other stuff too. A lot of folks assumed I'd like the Steve/Bucky Marvel pairing because Bucky has PTSD, but I actually can't stand that pairing (though I like both characters) and don't care as much about those specific narratives of PTSD (interpersonal trauma recovery interests me more than military or natural disaster trauma recovery, for example).

I don't know if I enjoy reading fics with trauma recovery as much as I enjoy writing it. In fact I'd say that's not true anymore because I've read very few fics with trauma recovery since I started writing Falling Falling Stars and I kind of realised I could write exactly what I wanted. Ever since then, reading the fanfiction of other folks doing trauma recovery is a harder sell to me personally, though I still do look for hurt/comfort etc.

I do still reread old fics I love, and old novels with trauma recovery / hurt/comfort that I love. But I don't... reread that content as much as I write that content, so if we're talking about 'time spent reading trauma recovery' vs. 'time spent writing/editing trauma recovery' alone, then I would definitely like writing it more.

Most of the original novels I've recced here and on Goodreads, particularly in romance but not always, generally have trauma recovery as a centralised theme or major part of the story.

As for stuff I like writing but hate/dislike reading:

Horror and supernatural horror (can't watch it, don't love reading it, really enjoy writing it)

Stories that are too long (lol)

Probably other stuff I'm forgetting.

And for stuff I don't like writing but really like reading:

Like, too much to list! I don't like writing nonfiction novels but I read a ton of nonfiction novels, lol. I don't really like writing high literature but I still read it. I don't like writing plays for the stage but I'll read 'em.

I mean isn't this true of most writers? Most of what we haven't written and/or don't enjoy writing is often what we're still going to really love, because we can't do everything. Idk, I have no interest in writing The Great British Bake Off, but I really like watching it. I have no interest in writing police procedurals but I love watching them.

Specifically in terms of romance fic, I'm not sure. Probably areas where I'm extremely concerned about the level of work involved in making a slightly accurate fanfiction - like getting terminology, customs and costumes right in certain fandoms like say, Natsume's Book of Friends or Mo Dao Zu Shi, and the actual process of writing seems extremely intimidating but I like reading (or have liked reading) stories in those fandom/s where other people are willing to do that work. I've definitely been thinking about researching this a bit more with an intention to writing fic going forward though.

I can be a really lazy writer, but I'm also a writer who can really appreciate when another writer has done the hard yards in areas of fandom where I want to read, but writing fills me with :/ feelings. Like, I really respect when you can see an author's care and research, but it's not weighing down the page and I don't feel like I'm getting a lecture that feels like a Wiki page that's been condensed down. Some of my favourite fandoms for like weird random niche knowledge included Dragon Age: Inquisition, and that was a fandom where I ended up doing a ton of research myself (i.e. what did horses eat 200 years ago, how did you prepare and store their food).

In terms of genre, there's not a ton of difference honestly. I don't love writing or reading gen. I don't love writing or reading fluff in the absence of hurt/comfort. I don't love writing or reading hurt-no-comfort. Maybe the biggest one is that on the very rare occasion I'll read a heterosexual PWP that has a kink I'm really looking for, but I don't intend to ever write het again.

(Finally pressing post on this after forgetting I had it in my drafts for ages!)

[scarletskye]

Day #2 | A Day With incandescent!

09/28/2023 | 11:08 pm

(02/60) [“it’s all okay…” Poem Collective]

Hello, today I’ll be looking through and writing about my poem, Incandescent! The second poem in the “it’s all okay…” collection, it follows in the steps of Firecracker. Sorry for the late post, work was crazy so I was really distracted. However, I would like to make this a daily thing that I keep going, as I have a backlog of poems I have written! I’ll continue to write more poems as I go, with about 300 poems to go through! Most however are pretty unfinished, and this blog gives me a reason to finish them. Hope you enjoy todays poem, its better than the last in my opinion ^^

Connection to Topic: Fire

The first two poems of this very large collection are largely inspired by the flame; a temporary but powerful thing. That which warms our nights and cooks our food, but has the power to burn it all away. It is a powerful, raw instrument; fire. This iteration is more about my personal experience with love.

Inspiration/Memory’s: A Rainy and Heartfelt Day

This poem was inspired by the idea of metaphors describing infinite concepts and ideas, it came up a rainy day where all I really wanted to feel some level of warmth, and was also feeling very love stricken at the same time. But I also just still loved everyone and realized how large my love was. All of this combined with a flurry of inspiration meant that I wrote a total of 17 poems, with this one being the one to lead my ideas. Filled with metaphors, it is a poem that I’ve grown to really like.

Meaning: Simple But Impactful (to me)

Very simple at its core, it is likely my least inspired poem, but also one of my nicer poems. It describes my love not just for one person, but for everyone; unwavering, infinite, and absolute. This poem however did shift my understanding of myself, and later poems reflect how much more love I have harbored for a single person, when I’ve truly been in love with someone.

Parts of Interest:

“My love for you is incandescent,

Inconceivable.

If I could put into words

Just how much I loved you,

It would probably never suffice,

Even with all the time in the world.

I could whisper to every leaf in the woods,

Into every room of an endless castle.

Or perhaps write into every page of an eternal book,

Describe just how much I adore you.”

The poem starts off with two lines, describing love as both incandescent or never-ending, and also as inconceivable; it couldn’t be adequately described. It then goes on to describe metaphors that follow this same premise; infinite, and unimaginable.

“Every love song throughout the history of eternity…

Every drop of water from the heavens to earth…

Every star in the infinite sky…

Wouldn’t suffice, wouldn’t suffice…”

And then how I both could, and couldn’t describe my love into more metaphors. These metaphors are slightly more basic in their meaning but equals unfathomable.

“I want you to know I love you,

I want you to know I would do anything…

And I would be willing to fight every day,

Every single hour, for your wildest dream.

Incandescent; inconceivable…

My love for you is eternal, infinite…

And I would never tire of telling you,

What a difference you make to the world…

To me; to the world.”

Further descriptions that tie together the entire premise down; no time in the world, no quantity would ever suffice, ever be enough. And yet if it’s never enough, will there ever be a way to demonstrate it?

Dedication:

The poem is dedicated to a single person; my love for you is infinite, and I’ll never get tired of telling you in my own way that isn’t ever the explicit “I love you”. And yet it’s also for everyone else, because I too feel a raw but infinite love for everyone.

Final Words:

A more powerful poem about a never-ending love, a love that cannot burn out, it is a poem that more accurately describes how I feel about love for others as compared to Firecracker.

Personal Rating: 7/10

Next up is: Pillar !

~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~

Incandescent

My love for you is incandescent,

Inconceivable.

If I could put into words

Just how much I loved you,

It would probably never suffice,

Even with all the time in the world.

I could whisper to every leaf in the woods,

Into every room of an endless castle.

Or perhaps write into every page of an eternal book,

Describe just how much I adore you.

It would probably never suffice

Even with all the time in the world,

Because there’s no measure or control,

Nothing to compare to; I adore you.

I want you to be free and brave,

I want to see you smile and laugh.

I want to see you every day, all the time,

So I never forget the beauty you hold.

I want you to grow and age,

I want you to live forever and ever and…

I want to hear your every heartbeat, every secret,

So that I may treasure your very nature.

My love for you cannot be measured or controlled…

Incandescent; inconceivable.

If I could ever say it to your face…

If I could ever tell you how much I loved you,

If I could walk along the street with your hand,

Firmly placed and etched within my own…

My happiness could be described only as infinite.

And even at the twilight of time,

Even at the end of a summer night,

I would never tire of reminding you,

Of how much I love you.

Every love song throughout the history of eternity…

Every drop of water from the heavens to earth…

Every star in the infinite sky…

Wouldn’t suffice, wouldn’t suffice…

I want you to know I love you,

I want you to know I would do anything…

And I would be willing to fight every day,

Every single hour, for your wildest dream.

Incandescent; inconceivable…

My love for you is eternal, infinite…

And I would never tire of telling you,

What a difference you make to the world…

To me; to the world.

[weiwithwords]

The weirdness of stories

An essential weirdness permeates all good stories: the weirdness of purpose. Things in stories happen for reasons; they must, for stories to make sense. Authorial intent and meaning require a basic assumption of cause and effect to be intelligible. Strong narrative structure entails strong beginnings and strong endings; good characters need good motivations; resonant themes shine brightly by definition. Even those stories whose point is ambiguity and dissatisfaction nonetheless have a point.

In these ways, stories are not like life. Life is filled with the random, the meaningless, the unintelligible. Life's complexity resists the sort of throughlines present in even the simplest narratives; life's level of detail eludes any attempt to capture it. In a fraction of a second, we can have a thought that would take us hundreds of pages to try to describe, and even after all those reams, we'd still feel like we didn't quite explain it right. And (in another way in which life and stories are different) even after all that, we would still have no idea what will happen next. So much of life is happenstance, and therefore naturally opposed to formulation. As my friend Kathleen told me, "You can't accidentally write anything. You can't accidentally create."

I often tell people I stopped being Christian because I went to a Chinese Christian camp with a charismatic pastor who delivered all these powerful sermons about life, but I got so much more value out of the non-theologic parts of his sermon that I stopped believing in God. I saw how all the important parts -- loving my family, listening to my parents, taking pride in my heritage, having meaningful conversations, resisting temptation, being still -- were attached to a totally vestigial, evidence-free religious dogma I could easily jettison, and jettison I did. Or so the story goes.

The problem with this story is that it doesn't make any sense. The pastor (whom everyone loved, and who was a truly gifted speaker) structured his entire message around God, the importance of God, and how wonderful God was. Indeed, his whole point was that all that other stuff about loving your family or whatever was totally vestigial, and could be easily jettisoned if love of God wasn't also present. Why didn't I feel the weight of the essential core of his message as much as I felt the other parts? I have no explanation.

Furthermore, I know plenty of people -- people in my age group, with similar backgrounds, whom I still know today -- who were heavily impacted by that core message of God, who cite that guy's sermons as a key inspiration for their personal devotion to Jesus and to church, and who will tell my same story with the opposite outcome. Why did our paths diverge so radically?

I want to ascribe the divergence to something intelligible, but I can't. The truth is, there are probably thousands of minute factors -- genetic, environmental, stupid -- I'm not aware of. Maybe my personality meant I never had a chance of committing my life to Christianity from birth, or maybe I'm still a mere breath away from becoming a pastor myself. Maybe the peculiarities of the connections between my neurons caused me to interpret the pastor's mannerisms in a totally different way, or maybe I was too busy chewing an especially tough piece of fingernail to hear a crucial sentence that would've changed everything. There are whole reams of reasons why this massively impactful moment in my life could have broken the other way, and I regularly choose to ignore them. I exclude those details in service of telling a more logical narrative.

The same is true for other stories I tell: how I started liking rap music after listening to it on full blast in my teammate's car (many people, including friends of mine, got turned off of rap music precisely because its listeners blasted it on the street), how I never built a great relationship with my siblings because my dad was yelling at us all the time (there are tons of siblings for whom that sort of abuse is galvanizing rather than isolating), how I love writing because I love reading (some of my best friends are avid readers and readily admit to hating their own writing and avoiding the practice at all costs).

It's a lot easier to explain why something happened if you already know it happened. The stories we tell ourselves about our lives are not our lives; they are carefully manicured things, curated for purpose and plot through the darkly tinted lens of hindsight.

Stories are weird. They reside just beyond the uncanny valley of un-reality, contain just enough truth to deceive us into thinking they are all truth, when even the very best stories are but shadows of our indescribably rich and complex lives. But at the same time, stories are an essential component of the human experience. They are the only tool we can use to extract meaning from a sea of chaos. They are our only chance to share all the roiling complexity bubbling up within us, and in so doing, lighten our individual burdens. And so, even though they churn with all this subtle strangeness and false promise, stories are all we really have.

As I reflect back on last year, I can’t help but conceive of the year as a collection of stories. And I already know I'm going to assign a lot of meaning and purpose to those stories, and there are going to be logical cause-and-effect relationships and character motivations and (hopefully) bright throughlines in my reflections. I want to frame all those things appropriately. I don’t want to lose sight of the frailty and myopia of my own constrained perspective. And I'm hoping that after reading this, you’ll be able to frame all the stories you tell yourself with all the subtlety and caution they deserve.

“I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all.” -Ecclesiastes 9:11

[evelynndecipio-blog]

Dear Nightingale,

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. I, too, have been suffering from some strange inability to see to anything other than my own thoughts.

It sucks that there has to be a social ladder, doesn’t it? I mean, why can’t we all just be on the same level for once? To be honest, I… haven’t fully realized nor exercised my so-called ‘popularity’. I guess most of the shit I pull has little to do with being loved or appreciated. A lot of the most important men and women in the world never get recognition for what they do, while other men decidedly build their empires upon lies and the talents of others. What I’m trying to get at, is that status is artificial. This is coming from a person that understands a different kind of ladder – a financial one, if you will. If I only manage to gain a few meaningful friends and end up pissing off everyone else at this school, isn’t that better than being superficial friends with everyone? Maybe people do gravitate towards me, I haven’t really payed that much attention. What I do know, is that I sure as hell hope I’m approachable to those I don’t know. You might see a ladder… I see a bridge. Isn’t that what the hippies are saying these days? I don’t know. You seem like a pretty cool person – which goes to show, perhaps popularity isn’t everything. Some people talk for the sake of attention. Some people don’t talk because they’re waiting for the right thing to say.

Back to the Quidditch conversation – Like I said previously, my skills are nothing to marvel at. In comparison to an entire team full of widely-skilled players, perhaps my abilities on the field mean little in the scheme of things. However, perhaps the game’s not necessarily about the amount of skill one possesses, as much as its about working as a team. With the right combination of people and brooms, think of the damage one could do on the field? I mean have you seen Charlie Woodward play? That kid’s never touched a Quaffle before and he made a few killer plays last Quidditch Game. AJ and Marla are unstoppable. Gris, Wren, and my cousin are also excellent offense – I wasn’t around to watch, but apparently Ariana managed a novel assault on Reid, Hufflepuff’s prized beater. Can you imagine that? Hugh and Pierre played amazingly this season as well. It will be a shame to see the big guy go, even if he wasn’t the biggest fan of my strategic methods. And where would we be without Lamik and Evelynn? Well – Eve’s annoying as hell, but at least she knows what she’s doing. Somewhat. And I would be lying if I said she wasn’t a decent seeker as well. Lamik, I as a student am absolutely honored to have playing for our team. That guy’s going places. But I’m getting off track. A team that’s on eleven different pages isn’t much of a team. Yeah, our seekers didn’t catch anything this game. It’s true, that we’re still trying to figure ourselves out. But all of our ranks are filled with highly talented individuals. I have no doubt we are going to dominate next year.

Statistics… that’s quite the unique interest! Not in a derogatory way, of course. How do you manage to properly comprehend numbers? If I’m as well-known as you say I am, I’m sure you’re aware of my shortcomings in the academic department. It’s quite incredible, to hear of someone who properly enjoys looking at numbers. What’s that like? How do you even sort through all the information, or make sense of it? That must be a right talent!

The Blossom Ball… I wish I could forget that particular event. Yes, I did attend – created quite the scuffle, too, if I remember correctly. Everything at this damned school is just so wrong. You’ve heard about the witnesses, right? About what they did at the Ball? Nothing about any of this fits. I know there’s more going on, some kind of conspiracy in our midsts that I can’t… quite put my finger on. As for details regarding recent findings… I’m afraid that I’m a bit more reluctant to share these, due to possible interceptions via owl, or something along those lines. I hope you’ll pardon me – trust is a bit difficult to muster these days, and my name isn’t as secretive as yours. I will tell you, though, that we Lions hadn’t managed to discover a secret cache… whatever a cache is. In fact, upon searching our common rooms, we didn’t manage to find anything that interesting, other than a few odd tapestries and rumors from the portraits regarding Potter’s reason for coming to Hogwarts. Small tidbits of information, yes, but still important in the scheme of things. Just not enough to prove Vladimir’s guilt or shine a light on what’s really going on.

God… I don’t get a lot of compliments. I mean, objectively, I guess my face isn’t horrible? It’s just the ‘friends’ thing again – I have a handful that are just really close to me. Really, really close. No crushers? I hope? There’s only one person to have ever paid me romantic interest, and I’m not convinced it’s withstanding. I really screwed up with her. Which I guess is okay, romance is overrated, is it not? I wish I could repay the compliment, but once again, I’m afraid I don’t have a face to put to your lovely pseudonym. Suppose I’ll have to assume for a moment that your features match your personality on paper.

I suppose what you say is relatable, to an extent. I’ve never really maintained owl contact with anyone before you. Not going to lie, it feels sort of unnatural – like with every word I put in ink, I give up a part of myself. Not that you’ll find a lot of personal stuff in here, but if you could… keep to yourself what you find in these letters? If only to give me inner peace? Otherwise, talking to you is rather enjoyable. Menial conversation is difficult to find these days even among friends. With every part of myself that I release into the void, I feel lighter. It’s the strangest thing. Perhaps one day a psychologist will be able to explain the motive behind my emotions, but for now, I’ll take it.

Being away from close family that long… isn’t easy. Do you enjoy living with your mom? Where in England do you live, if I may ask? Liverpool is nice this time of year, isn’t it? I personally live with my aunt and uncle in Barking, a subset of Eastern London. Not that I don’t have good parents or anything – they’re usually just busy doing adult stuff. My mom works in the palace pretty much all the time, so the few times she’s around, she’s usually exhausted. My dad, on the other hand, works in Muggle Relations. He comes home a few times, usually late, but he never really seems ‘home’. Our family and my uncle’s family share a house, since no one’s ever home. It’s pretty cool, the sun’s surprisingly sunny in Barking, as opposed to the doom and gloom of the typical London air. You should totally check it out sometime over the summer, if you get home. My aunt owns a restaurant somewhere or other.

I bet seeing your horse will be nice! To be honestly, I’ve never properly considered horseback-riding. The idea of riding on a living, breathing animal… that admittedly takes courage. What kind of riding do you do? What kind of horse is Cassie? I’ll be honest, I know little about the matter, but I’d be more than willing to research it.

I think a set of questions seems like a nice idea. Will list a few below!

Tell me about your horseback riding!

Do you have a favorite Hogwarts Team? Who are they and why?

What region of England might you live? You might just be close to me.

If I may ask – what house are you?

Do you have a pet? If not, what kind of pet would you want?

I hope I haven't scared you away by now. Looking forward to hearing back from you sometime!

Sincerely,

Thunderbird

[holisticsoulhealer]

Forgiveness - A Spiritual Story

I know I’ve redirected energy from the word and meaning of forgiveness, towards instead, the word and meaning of understanding. I live by that more than living in a state of needing to forgive those who had hurt my feelings, troubled me, caused me reason for pause. Now I love to stand in the emotions, inviting them to carry me forward into greater awareness and more understanding.

Mostly, I am in a constant place of creating more grace, by forgiving me for that which I wasn’t aware enough to not do, know or change at the time. I really do feel this is where forgiveness deserves its rightful spot in our World. There is an innocence that lives here, with a sweetness to always being willing to learn, grow and generate more wisdom. Wisdom and kindness are the two elements of humanity that I wish to cultivate for the rest of life and for time beyond this realm, to the point of eternity (if there is a point of that).

I have personally closed more doors behind me, with family, friends, neighbors and people I’ve known than most individuals I’ve had the extreme good fortune to meet, here on earth. At first I had so much work to do, to forgive myself for choosing me and the peace and harmony I could create inside, rather than pursuing relationships with those that don’t vibrate at the same levels. I stopped trying to make things work, when they didn’t, and stopped explaining to others why my story read differently than many of theirs.

I chose deliberately to only have close relationships in authentic and beautiful ways. It means I don’t need many people around me, I don’t need the “Hallmark holidays” with large tables filled with great people. I’m fine if that shows up and perfectly happy to share time with one or two very important people, who get me, accept me in all my many shades of human, and love me regardless. I mostly found that my awesome partner, Jeff, is more than enough for me, without anyone else.

Simple aspects of life delight me these days, and I forgive me completely and absolutely for not being willing to allow superficial connections, conversations or time shared with those who aren’t on the same page as me.

I mean this.

I forgive me for choosing me, and I now celebrate that I am only choosing that which flows through me, in my field of energy with ease and sincerity.

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Love & Blessings,

Ruth

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