#i could be wrong. but i dont care right now. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

camthecatchameleon · 7 months ago

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i offer no further context for this

#legends of avantris #once upon a witchlight #torbek #kremy lecroux #scaley fur #i guess #implied polylight #post-witchlight btw. which is important for my mental image and thats it #torbek my little malnourished scrimgblo…#listen i see malnourished character and i see chef character and i think hm.#i think kremy would take one look at torbek and think “i want to feed this man a warm home-cooked meal”#i could be wrong. but i dont care right now.#am i writing a drabble including this?#…#………..#maybe.

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evocatiio · 5 months ago

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if chibnall was the one writing this season you lot would be talking VERY differently

#anti rtd #oomfs ur so right #s14 is the kinda mid that people think his era was #and yet #you throw in that razzle dazzle written by rtd and all of a sudden there's no criticisms!#or worse somehow #is how its a polite and gentle reframing of chibs criticism #like with him it was hey he ate this singular one thing But I KNOW CHIBS IS BAD HE'S TERRIBLE DONT WORRY I KNOW IT #and with rtd its oh i disliked this nonsensical and objectively bad writing but ummm guys i lOVED LOVED everything else i swear #its soooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO #it must be studied #but i knew yous were a lost cause when we had 14/15 running around calling men hot bc yes totally something the doctor just does #not ooc at allllll #bc this is how we know the doctor is queer now guys #dont you know it #i have like a million other complaints i miss being like oh hey that was mid/bad and moved on with my life 😭😭#god i think 13 era killed me bc now i do care about u hypocritical losers #rip 15ruby i wish i cared and that you had any development #ncuti millie i would like to hang out with you though #15 maybe you'll cry less next season so that the emotional scenes have impact perhaps 🙏🏾🙏🏾#ramblings of an insomniac #god i just remembered the whole real mum antics #fuck i need to go i gotta go!!!!#ps the ncuti conundrum where he's the most charismatic dr in nuwho whilst also being the worst actor is driving me nuts #idk if its the characterisation or his lack of ability in creating that inner psychology that connective tissue between his louder acting #which he's great at btw!#idk maybe that one monologue in boom made me go yes okay here we goooo #but then every other moment has been like hmmmnnnmtgodhd okay whateve #i think he needed more acting prep before he got this role bc he's got Something he could be Great but the subtle stuff is lacking #sooo hoping he can grow into that but it's giving perfect actor wrong time.... and if ur white ur not allowed to agree with me shush go away

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greasydumbfuck · 4 months ago

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thinking about frank and sex (in a sad way)

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #not as in about sex with him but like how hes portrayed in relation to it in the comics if that makes sense #hes just always so deeply uninterested not just in the women but the act itself too like #so many times hes like. not pressured thats the wrong word but like i can think of at least two times i saw #where the women just kinda. walk themselves into his bed. and hes like 'eh idk about this' but then just kinda does it anyway #like i imagine the writers intended for this to be like a cool guy thing yk like ah he gets so much action and he DOESNT CARE cuz hes COOL #but ME personally i cant help but read it like. god idk i dont want to say him letting himself get used and using them in turn #theres this expression 'going through the motions' that kind of feels right here but idk how to explain it #hes just so weird about it. every time. in my mind i cant imagine him ever really wanting it very much #like maybe to feel good sometimes but its never. idk am i making sense am i just saying shit #is he gay asexual missing his dead wife or just so so fucking traumatized and dead on the inside that his body is just an object now #so many fun ways to interpret this #<guy who is not having fun interpreting this #wish i could just project my thoughts into your heads so youd see exactly what i mean cuz i dont feel im verbalizing this well enough #god take a shot every time i say 'like' or 'just'. youll be off your face from this post only #i may be making shit up tbh idk the thought struck me out of nowhere while i was looking at the ceiling

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basslinegrave · 4 months ago

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anyway i need more monarch a trois fics. sigh. wish i could write, i gotta draw them more at least

#the thing is i dont even know what abour if i were to request or write myself #but im thinking about a post movie setting with the monarch healing and perhaps with also some comfort about the new situation #also Spoilers but id assume the arching would be more complicated with the ventures in colorado #so its just a waiting time. time to be domestic? or speed it up by killinger helping monarch heal up and the ventures getting back to NY #orrr the monarch gets a new cocoon finally or a jet. anything he can fly in to get to the ventures #i wonder how they would continue this. theres still a lot to be told story wise. but in this case #lotsa time for feelings and getting together properly #im also thinking about how seemingly gary doesnt think about sheila That much now and it seemed to be pretty awkward between them so #id love to see them get closer. him and monarch are very close but its time for sheila #aaand id also love to explore monarchs feelings. theres gotta be a Lot of them right now - but specifically the changes about him and how #he views others and how he respects and cares about both sheila and gary and perhaps explore what could be internalized homophobia #his past remarks vs now i know its the show as a whole maturing but its also nice to just view it as his personal character growth and #feelings realization on his side...#the thing is hes a villain and they wanted to push this whole 'he says shitty things cause hes a dick. hes a villain.' thing but #they fleshed him out so much that i cant not look at him as a not that bad guy and feel for him and pity him and such #siiiigh i wanna know more. i wanna know how hed treat more henchmen now. i wanna know about his childhood after the plane crash #i wanna know if he does or doesnt feel bad about kidnapping gary. assuming monarch just went straight to henching at a young age #perhaps its so normal to him - and its so normal to gary imo. thats why they dont see anything wrong in training kids as henchmen lol #also while im at it. the monarch being the reason 24 died and the biography 21 helped write and monarchs cat that he killed #are they over that. are the last 2 things light retcons? i wannt them discussing that #maybe theres fics about it but if its not shippy i havent found it yet #me when the rarepair/trio is rare 😥😩#and i havent seen 2024 fics. where are they hiding #everything is like 2018 latest so pre movie or during or pre s7

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widevibratobitch · 7 months ago

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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iksydk · 4 months ago

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i think working in emergency management would be so fitting for me and my interests. i used to be obsessed as a kid w the cold war and civil defense programs. but i couldn’t articulate what i wanted to know. i wanted to know why they were the way they were, why they made the choices they did and what they’re doing now in the same way. covid fascinated me bc of that. i worked for ups at the time and i loved reading the internal information system stuff about it bc it seemed they already had some plan and i wanted to be the people that did that.

#i love systems!! i love processes! i love how they go wrong and how they go right and developing ways to make them more resilient!!#also i care about people and i know there’s trust in institutions to continue functioning and like i want to be part of that.#so like emergency management or social work.#but thinking abt going back to school hurts bc i’ve already fucked up my financial aid bc i wasn’t really ready yet #oh well. my own fault. no one made me do that.#it hurts to think about what i could do bc it feels like those opportunities aren’t there for me anymore.#im only 23 but i still have nothing to show for it. i should have gotten a degree by now.#and ive tried but i couldn’t swing community college.#but also like. i didnt know then what i know now. but what if it doesn’t matter.#what if i really am just averse to doing anything.#i dont think i am but evidence seems to point to me being uh. pointless.

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mugwot · 1 month ago

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hm

#ramble tag #more like vent tag but i refuse to have one of those you can just ignore me you are smart #like seriously dont read this unless you really wanna and are snooping #i think there's something wrong with my brain #the executives have really refused to function #or some such nonsense i don't know i am just saying things #if i blame it on a vaguely medical sounding problem i feel less personally responsible about it #its been roughly 4 days #the hours are slipping away like sand through fingers #and i cant Do Anything #its infuriating #i can only Think about all the work i need to do but i Can't Do it #i only have 6 days left probably less i dont know the exact deadline and i have made No progress and i know i just have to Start #but like every time there is a slightest huccup i just get pulled away from the task and oops its dark out now!#and its like i dont even care #i am not sad or scared or angry except i know i should be so its like a ghost of a feeling #i dont want to die and dont want to live if i could i would just sit and read or even just think alone with my mind for a week straight #after i post this i will open the document pull out the tablet and start again i need to Start #aughhhh #how am i even an adult human person #this cant be how real human people live nothing would ever get done and we would starve to death #people here like to say that ooh 20 is not an adult that doesn't count but like #if i was less of a dumbass i would be living if not on my own then not with my parents #and i cant imagine surviving like that #that might be part of why that didn't happen #i am straight up just not an independent person right now #i have been avoiding booking an appointment to cut my hair for half a month #and avoiding scheduling to pick up the piercings I Wanted for 2! maybe 3! i dont know anymore!#okay this ends here #not the moping the tags

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poisonouspastels · 1 year ago

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#i figured this would be better suited for a separate post continuing from here #I've had people get angry at me for giving Steve a proper strongman build - thus making him fat and muscular in the process #ive gotten people mad at me for making him his direct colorpicked skin tone. got told I made him ''the wrong color'' for it #got called slurs #got told i need to just ''take a joke'' when im getting right fully angry at people telling me im wrong for making his AU design that way #been quite literally told our art looks ''ugly as hell'' when people ran out of bigoted arguments #its all just getting really hard and really tiring to keep doing what i love when everyone is vocal about hating it #and very few people are vocal about liking it #i do art for me dont get me wrong. and people have been supportive.#but i cant help but wonder if anyone would have even cared about the mega ref at all if it hadn't been surrounded by people full of hate #its just hard to stay motivated and put my all into something that's gotten so much backlash for stupid reasons you know #i've been putting so much love into my work surrounding this AU lately. my writing and my art. for over the past year now #i try not to ask anything in return other than for people to just pay attention to it at all. give it a reblog #but the one time we have something out of it become popular its because people are stupid and bigoted #i dont care about numbers this isnt about that. i just care about returning the passion i put into the world.#if anyone wants to send anything my way feel free. i could use it #sorry for venting

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pardonmystardust · 4 months ago

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.

#i hate like...#feeling an emotional gap that isn't being filled that really only one person has filled before #and like #not really missing the person or at least not in that capacity #i dont want them to fill that role for me again that didnt work #but i DO want the role to be filled #i want someone to deliver that specific flavor of being there and i dont have it #i have people who are here for me! i love them!!!!!#but damn i'd never had that thing before and im afraid i never will again #and like: to stress this point again-#the people in my life now are irreplaceable in their own right and i could never find what they give me anywhere else #not getting this thing doesn't mean anyone is doing anything wrong or isnt good enough #theres just a dish that isnt on the menu anymore and im struggling to find enough of the nutrients it gave me #arrrrggghhhhhhhhh #anyone who cared to read this far probably guessed this already but yes this is about M**a #and yes we still talk and we're cool and i love her to death #but still the hole persists

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dummerjan · 6 months ago

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fuck fuck fuck i've had a therapy last week and today dedicated to me not being able to cope with a friend being pregnant first time i've really talked about my tokophobia with someone after three weeks of knowing and not replying to my friend's text i've finally figured out what to reply but decided i wouldn't want to see her while pregnant i just can't and now she's talked with my mother and said she wants to meet up with us this weekend i was going to avoid her and wait until she has had the baby and then she'd be too busy being a parent and i can't stand kids at any age so we wouldn't meet and then our friendship would fizzle out which would be sad but happens it's the first time a friend is pregnant and i'd been dreading it for years i can't meet her i can't see her pregnant i don't want to think about or talk about or hear anyone talk about the topic and if my mother is present she is bound to ask about it i just can't i can hardly stand the sight of pregnant stranges on the street

#just having a bit of a tokophobic crisis #ignore me #well kind of tokophobia the definition doesn't fit perfectly but it gets close enough. it's not about me. but directed at the entire topic.#meins #i know i am going to lose friends bc of this bc of whatever is wrong with me to make me tokophobic #and for just not wanting to be around kids and not caring for others having them #and it's not really something you can openly talk about with people #i really could use another therapy session right about now bc a few hours ago the #the plan of going out to eat on the weekend was not on the table yet #and i dont know what to do #one way the tumblr app is superior to browser: adding read more actually works on. browser onl if you add something above like a period

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thecomet-and-themeteor · 7 months ago

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I don't know how much sense this makes but I need a Langelique Cinderella AU, I think it'd work pretty well

#brought to you by:#my last post about angelique's fuck-ass sneakers #& juliet #and juliet #&j #okay but genuinely I think it would work really well #like Angelique is working for lady and daddy cap right #ignore how I called him daddy cap we did Romeo and Juliet for the school play this year and that's what we all called him #and like May and Juliet are the quote unquote evil stepsters #but you know they're not evil they're just like way nicer in comparison to their parents #and like you know the prince holds a ball to find a wife and it's this like whole thing #because lady and daddy cap want Juliet and may to go to like end up with the prince #and like the prince is still Frankie here because maycois is goated let's be real #and like this is kind of where you could either make it centric to a specific ship or you could just do like the whole thing as an au #you could say that like Frankie likes May but when they approach the capulets they're like oh Juliet you want Juliet and it's a whole thing #and you could do jumeo because I don't know maybe Romeo is like you know what Paris was like in the actual Romeo and Juliet play Romeo is #like Paris and the capulets hate him because Lance has kind of like pushing Frankie to be with Romeo but Romeo wants to be with Juliet #and Juliet wants to be with Romeo and blah blah blah but Lance and Angelique specifically comes in where it's like okay but what if Lance i #also looking for a new partner at these balls because you know his wife like died and he needs someone else to share the throne with and #that's why both may and Juliet end up going because their parents don't care about the age difference because their parents suck and they'r #just like you're going to end up with royalty one way or another and you know Angelique is like be safe and actually parenting them and #and warning them and making sure they're prepared to like actually go out to this ball because royalty or not it's still dangerous and #they're both like why don't you just come with us and it's a bit where like maybe April and William play the role of fairy godparents #and you know Angelique is able to go and she meets Lance and they have their little shoe thing and they have the Cinderella ark meanwhile #there's the whole love square with May Frankie Juliet and Romeo and Juliet gets to have a moment where it's like how are you so controlling #that you're pushing May to get with a man like 30 years their senior yet you cant deal with me getting with the wrong rich guy and may is #like screw y'all Juliet was The Golden child anyway okay I get what I want now and it's all happily ever after #and angelique gets Lance a magical girl transformation and some CLEAN FUCKING SNEAKERS EVEN MINE ARENT THAT DIRTY N I DONT CLEAN EM FOR SHI #anyways

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lemongogo · 2 years ago

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#HELPP ok i have thoughts.my thinking cap back on #LOVEE the ending as far as the actual direction goes yk.like people seeing (literally) the pain&plight of plants #and vowing to protect and look after them w utmost care #loved that knives technically survived the fall and the aftermath esp in recruiting someone to care for vash #BUTTT i dont know how i feel ab his death ;___; the symbolism w the apple tree and him using the last of his energy is sweet #and i dont think i would dislike it necessarily if we just had more time #to marinate in his story.i think... the ending does not give u a lot of time to reach the full conclusion #i think that theres a whole side to his story i WISHH nightow explored and i wish we had seen knives turmoil and vashs acceptance of his #experiences more than the select few scenes we got beforehand. its soo rushed T_T DONT GET ME WRONG im still more or less satisfied that #we didnt get an ending like.. oh everyones dead and miserable and vash killed knives and ppl never learn to coexist right #like it could actually be so thematically worse BUTT im just like. THATS ITTT??? THATS ALL..sitting here twiddling my thumbs #waiting for a complete resolution thatll never come to be.and it sucks bc i wish i could look towards stampede to get that neat wrap up #but stampede completely altered knives' story and fell into the nasty horrid pittrap of aligning him with reprehensible values #so no conclusion of theres will ever touch on max!knives' conclusion and i think that is the thing im looking 4 the most #no conclusion of theirs* sry LAWL #also read some posts (by trigum LUVV ur analyses btw i need to rb some now that i finished) that the max ending #doesnt give vash an ACTUAL ending. we reach the climax in his confrontation with legato and then his commitment to save knives #but anything beyond that just doesnt exist. MY GODD imagining a reality where we got like 5 more chapters at LEAST to #give it a hearty ending #anyways. the reporter bit is so cute im bummed they went straight to that in stamp :sob: best like... cute ending fr #trigun spoilers #trigun maximum #trigun #vash

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phagodyke · 7 months ago

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every morning I'm like wow.. birdsong and sunshine.....hm.. u know what. maybe there is hope in the world. and everything will be ok :3 and every evening I'm like I Hope A Meteorite Crashes Through My Window While I Sleep Hitting Me On The Head And Killing Me Instantly. and I switch between these multiple times throughout the day and alsosometimes they happen the other way round and theres no sense or reason or order or pattern just the labyrinth forever. yeah I'm good why do u ask

#girls will play videogames to chill out and then 10 minutes later will be hysterically crying in the bathroom brushing their teeth #i dont know whats wrong with me anymore i give up trying to figure it out. thats a lie i wish i could give up but my brain will never-#exit the ouroboros spiral of trying to figure it out bc SOMEone broke the switch for reptile brain pattern seeking activation #i dont even know how i feel right now im either fine or im going to start sobbing again #does anyone know when this ends its not fun anymore and i need to go to sleep :-(#vent post one million and one.......... im fine guys i just like to fantasise that someone i care about reads these and thinks yikes!#and doesnt even acknowledge it irl or do anything except put on performative sympathy when talking abt me to other ppl #bc theres nothing anyone can do and at its not their problem and thats ok i dont begrudge them for it ill keep ventposting forever anyway #but at least maybe a real person HAS read it. so how i feel does actually exist in a witnessable form somewhere. anyway goodnight #dont send me asks this is a VENT POST sorry and thank you okay bye #.vent

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turigirl · 7 months ago

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ive decided i shall just Not sleep

#moo.txt #im really tired bht i dont. want to let myself sleep #i sont. deserve it #punishment. or whagever #sorry i really do feel bad venting on here all the time because im just forcing everyonr t #*to. well maybe not listen to me but at least look at my thoughts #instead of like just venting to one person or a server or whatever #but its not like i Have anyone to actually properly talk to #im everyones second choice At Best #and this probably sounds depressing but its not like im wrong. whenever i ppst this stuff i get self conscious but im just. saying it how-#-it is.#like yes im just burdening people but thats already what im fucking doing every minute of my life #i could say [REDACTED] and itd probably get ignored regardless so who cares at this point #ive tried so hard to push people away nobody understands. and i keep coming back like a fucking lonely puppy snd just hurting people more #i need to just be put down #i donf know what to do anymore i feel guilty when people dont talk to me i feel guilty when people DO talk to mw because either way its-#-a reaction to whatever ivs said on here typically #i dont Knkw whst i want anymore orher than [REDACTED]#maybe someday ill get angry enough and just stop censoring myself at all but at least right now i wkll #theres no winning with me because its like. i get sent a message About what ive said and i feel extreme guilt. i get sent a message thats-#-off topic and i feel extreme guilt. i dont get messaged at all and i feel extreme guilt #oh whatever im sitting here spiraling and writing a post that nobody except myself is gonna read least of all pay attention to #an extremely suicidal teenager what else is new.

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nightmare8-420 · 8 months ago

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tw j is suicidal and fucking voilent and also cant spell worthshit

i feel so fucking numb i just want to die

goddamn it why does she have to fuck up the one thing that inwas looking forward to

and i know ill just get fuckinf screamed at now because im ‘acting like a bitch’

i hate her i fucking hate her so

fucking much fuck god fucjing damn i fucjing hate everything i haye her i hate her i fucking hate her

i feel so fucjing voulent right now but i cant do fucking shit i cant even selfharm becaysw this bitcu us fucking watching me fuck i hate her i fucking hate her

#j’s a bloody mess #im actually so pissed off i could kill someone right now.#i dont wanntot be around him i hate these people so fuciing much i cqnt do this #this bitch really just looked at me and asked if i was upset #no bitch you just ruined what little bit of happiness i had for today thats all!#ive been so fucking voilently suicidal for the past 2 days and you decied to fucking make it worse #just because you feel like it #im tired of this #i know they said its wrong. but i dont fucjing care.#someone has to go.

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lokh · 1 year ago

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hearing someone else (the dog groomer) validate every concern i had about the dogs that my parents kept putting off becos. idk they couldnt be bothered and didnt want to spend money. well it made me want to punch things but im good now

#i didnt think id have to tell them they need to be brushed but apparently i did.#i said something looked wrong with their ears they said google it its probably fine #i said somethings wrong with their skin they said probably fine.#it SOUNDS LIKE YOU DONT WANT A FUCKING DOG AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN #this is why i didnt want dogs and then they keep insisting No you guys are the ones that wanted dogs #like no. who has the car. who paid. who looked for the dogs. like at every stage it was Their Decision and they could have said no #but they got it becos in their heads their obligations ended at paying for their food.#anyway. again im significantly calmer right now i know unbelievable but ive had really bad moments.#and i wont reiterate my thoughts during that time here. but suffice it to say i already knew #that i did not have the wherewithal to take care of a dog in addition to myself #and yet here i am. and im ready to kill Something over it #all because No one wants to drive to the fucking vet.

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