#i constantly get this thought of 'you should fucking do it' and then i Don't?
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song lyrics that fit the fanfic
(next to normal-perfect for you)
(let it out-the guy who didn't like musicals)
(black friday-black friday)
(if i fail you-black friday)
(cool as i think i am-nerdy prudes must die)
(just for once-nerdy prudes must die)
(lemon boy-cavetown)
(sick of losing soulmates-dodie)
#sidenote i'm gonna add sources to some of these quotes now. i keep postponing that#i constantly get this thought of 'you should fucking do it' and then i Don't?#but it becomes this 'well youve always done it like this' thing#i know i'm not gonna remember some of them but i don't feel like doing any real work today so i'll do that#i highly doubt there won't be SOME time in the day for me to at least get started on it#man i would not have considered doing song lyrics for this if i didn't know how to weaponize that 'no one cares' feeling#cringe yes. free also#eternal things
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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i had a dream that i made little cards that say "THEY!" on them that i handed out to people at work who got my pronouns wrong, immediately after they got it wrong. and in smaller text (or on the back) it said "i don't want an apology, i want you to do better" or "don't say you're sorry, DO BETTER" and ..... i kind of want to do it. maybe i'll get some moo cards made lmao
various scenarios included:
me slamming it down on a desk in front of them.
instead i had stickers, would slowly peel one off while they watched, and stick it on it on them.
handing out a quarter sheet piece of paper based on the 'i caught being good' tags we'd get in kindergarten which said 'i got caught misgendering hallie/my coworker'. it would have their name and date on it and a giant 🙁 face. i had them as a pad of paper and would hold up a finger to say 'wait a second', dramatically pull it out of my back pocket, take my pen out of another pocket, slowly fill it out in front of them, and hand it to them while staring them in the eyes.
getting a whiteboard for the outer side of my cubicle wall that said '[days] since i was misgendred' (with a bonus by saying 'last offender: [name]'
i also dreamt that i got into trouble for it because i was making people feel bad and was 'creating a hostile work environment'. i was just like.... okay and how do you think i feel? and my boss shut up real fuckin quick. dunno if that would be the case irl but if that does happen i can only dream.
#tired of the people who say 'i'm trying but i'm going to make mistakes'#ok sure i definitely mess up sometimes too but when it's not even close to 50/50 let alone merely uncommon ............. fuck you#what's sad is it's all people i like and it hurts so much#in the dream it the cards also said something about how i'm not a girl. not a lady. not a woman. stop saying that word to me ...#... in plural when i'm with female coworkers. about half the time i say 'not a lady' and only about half the time it's acknowleged#or that one who constantly posts female-empowering images on ig which are alienating bc it's clearly very binary#and getting comments like 'well it applies to you to!!!' why bc i have a pussy? fuck off#and she'll sometimes say 'thank you for your patience' (what patience) or 'have patience with me' (no.)#i've also thought of holding up my name tag in their faces bc my previous boss had it specially made for me#it's got my name position and pronouns#same boss tho..... he was REALLY consistent about using my pronouns but one day used she/her three times in a row before eventually...#... correcting himself and the next day i told him that really sucked especially from him and he later told me i should have been nicer...#... about it. i was PISSED. i said 'well then how should i have said it?' i don't even remember his answer i just know i wanted to go...#... off on him SO BADLY bc he said it 'hurt his feelings'. well too fucking bad bc every time i'm misgendered it makes me want to...#...die inside a little and feels like at the very least a tiny punch to the gut but that felt like being stabbed esp since it was a new hir#he also said 'ok but i corrected myself' yeah AT THE END after doing it THREE TIMES and that's not the point here#anyway lol this dream definitely stirred up shit unfortunately but i'm serious when i say i might actually have these made#like both my internal email and external emails have my pronouns in them (i had to campaign for this btw so thank you me)#but i recently added my own custom signature with 'they/them' in it that has a link about using pronouns correctly#me#lgbtq#nonbinary
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my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and
#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls#girl#and i was so tired#am so tired#i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't#i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne#i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭#just. kya batau main#i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i#liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest#i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic#everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much#draining and destroys my peace and then they leave#it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship#whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night#every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on#pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking#into a million tiny pieces everytime#i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the#sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's#she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of#i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her#but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna#die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i#need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy#does that make sense#okay bye i should really start writing a diary
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#it's so weeeeeeeird to get my parents' feedback on my songs#they're both very artistic types and i always enjoy sharing my music with them#and they tend to give extensive and always-positive feedback. which is. great?#but also they both have this weird habit of assuming that every narrator of every song is always 'in the right'#and should be respected and agreed with and supported#which... kind of makes me feel like they're assuming every narrator is me?#and that's very unsettling bc most of my fictional narrators are uh. lol. Not Great People#ranging from just kind of weak and craven and avoidant (see: the narrator of a certain recent song)#to full-on violent and cruel and fucked-up in the head#ffs i wrote a song recently from the POV of a creep who fixates on a woman he's never met#and eventually murders her (before which he may or may not have raped her. the lyric is intentionally ambiguous)#like... most of the time i thought it was pretty obvious that i'm telling a story with my songs#but either i'm really failing at accurately portraying all these flawed characters#or else my parents have some other reason for constantly reacting to every song narrator#as if said narrator were Not To Be Criticized#my mum described the narrator of this certain song as 'fearless and self-confident and in control'#and i was like... are we referring to the same song?#the one where the narrator is in a super toxic relationship but just pathetically runs away from their reality#instead of ending the relationship and getting their freedom?#the one where - despite feeling trapped by the other person's love#the narrator is also kind of shamefully addicted to being the worshipped idol on a pedestal?#none of that sounds like those positive-coded words you used#but maybe she assumed the narrator was me and therefore didn't want to say anything negative?#(in which case AARRRRGHHHH how do i make people realize that songwriting is ART NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHY???)#or maybe she visualized herself in the place of the narrator?#(in which case: oof. oh dear. but i suppose that's none of my business. i'm not a therapist)#i just get very tired of my parents' inability to accept the existence of bad things in the world sometimes#but i know it's my own problem: i can't assume people will always 'get' what my lyrics are about#once you put your art out in the world you have to accept that is not entirely yours anymore#people will take it and make it their own until you don't even recognize it anymore
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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The whole "go to sleep -> think about sh" thing is still happening. I know nobody was wondering, but it's bugging me. My blog anyways.
...
Well, we've gone too far past the "don't sh" territory that i don't think i actually ate all day.
(Owing to the shortness. No brain power probably and also i'm tired.)
And still. Without fail. The thought is there.
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#ed tw#sh tw#i dont think i'm adjusting well actually#every stupid little thing sets me off and its not even about me !!!#it's like i keep swinging between 'able to enjoy things like hobbies again' and just ... whatever this is.#it's not like ... look i exaggerate a lot ok. this is not moodswings. thats all. i'm fairly normal all things considered.#anyways i dont know !!!!!!!!!!!! what 2 do!!!!!!!!!#it took me all of guard season before i started really feeling comfortable with guard friends#but with this it's like... i guess i feel like i should know him already. and be ok with everything#well. i dont and i am not. i still feel trapped in the space i've been given.#and i dont get the impression that i'm wanted here really. more like i constantly feel like an intruder [...in my own house]#and it is NOT helping the 'executive functioning'(?) anxiety dysregulation either. i thought i was getting better but i guess today#proved me wrong in that regard. i don't remember what to liken it to.#i don't know. i was cursed with the ability to hear and it's stressing me out.#as always it comes back to being a little *too* self aware...#i know if everything was perfect it wouldnt be life or whatever but god i just want a place where i feel like i'm *safe*#take that how you will if you want.#what i mean by it is i'm tired of getting stuck because i'm scared of making a noise.#& im goddamn tired of being forced into the closet because of 1) of my circumstances (legally i cannot say)#2) the amount of anxiety i get over trying to (re-)come out to someone i KNOW isn't going to judge me in literally any way#well. i made my kofi page anyways. so maybe if i play my cards right top surgery will happen. i hope to fucking god it does >:[
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oof. going to the gym today was the opposite of helpful for my pain levels. gah
#seasons! are! changing!#and i've! been stressed! as hell! from work!#my neck is wound so fucking tight#that i can feel it in my *eyes*#at least my friend already knew the moves we learned in bjj today so she was able to be very gentle with her attacks#we learned a shoulder attack that if you rven *let go* wrong you could do serious damage#at one point the instructor was talking her through another move and i had to keep tapping out before he could show her how to do anything#just the position alone was miserable#i have a lot of fun at bjj but my body can't fucking keep up#part of me wonders if it's an issue of not going often *enough*. like maybe if i suffer though breaking the ceiling ive hit it'll get easier#but i don't know if i can break through without burning out on the way. and without getting *significantly* stronger just once a week is too#much for me. and i can feel the difference if i skip a week. my body needs So much conditioning to maintain any level of strength#it's like trying to fill a balloon you can't tie off. as soon as the high pressure airflow stops the balloon deflates#i've always been like that. and it's stark enough that i wonder if it's a symptom of some underlying issue#but i'm going to give bjj another month or two (and ideally some time with a schedule that means i can go to the wednesday class too)#but i need to seriously consider how sustainable this is. bc as much as i enjoy it i dread it in equal measure#and i've felt like garbage all day because i had to push myself so hard. i was worn out just from the 10min walk to get there and#stretching to get warmed up. i was maybe two minutes from mustering the courage to go back home when my friend finally showed up#i'm trying very hard to set aside the feelings of failure and shame at the thought of quitting bjj.#bc i'm fat Of Course i should be trying to exercise and lose weight! i need to be constantly repenting for the sin of my body!!!!#im not at all doing bjj to lose weight or anything like that. but the *impression* of what it would mean to an outside viewpoint still hurts#and in the end the thing i've gotten out of bjj was my new group of friends (been nearly 6mo already!!)#and they mean far more to me than anything i could gain from bjj as a sport#personal
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animal well is a great game that i'm too stupid for
#my posts#gameblogging#sound and visual design is amazing#it truly doesn't tell you shit and some of the mechanics are so hecking cool#but im fucking stupidt#ive figured out some things on my own#but there's so much i wouldn't have even thought of trying#and the mechanics i do figure out i just don't know to use when i should#i guess the language of the game isn't clicking for me#im constantly getting stuck and since it's kind of non-linear#even finding guidance is difficult and thus not very fun#which is a shame bc it is an amazing game
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━━ ❝ it's sticky, toshi... ❞
ᯓ ❤︎₊‧⁺...synopsis : you help ushijima finally realize that he's got a breeding kink
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...cw : u. wakatoshi x fem!reader, dirty talk, messy and wet, teasing, marathon sex, pet names, breeding kink, talks of pregnancy, ushijima can't stop cumming
ᯓ ❤₊‧⁺...lunar's note : haikyuu save me, save me ushijima wakatoshi, SAVE ME !! anyways hi i spent 150$ on ushijima merch yesterday and i don't regret it, so say hello to my haikyuu phase coming back !!!
ushijima having a breeding kink isn't a surprise to you at all.
what is surprising is how long it takes for him to figure it out.
sure, at first it wasn't clear, but after being with him for so long, you quickly pick up on whenever he'd mutter in your ear as he slid his stupidly big cock inside of you, saying how badly he wished he could cum inside of you instead in the condom.
afterwards, he's so focused on cleaning you up and making sure you felt good and satisfied, you don't get a chance to question him on it. not that you were complaining, ushijima is so cute when he's asking if you need anything and constantly reminds you to get up and go use the bathroom.
it's even cuter when he realizes you can't walk.
"ah. i'm sorry, i didn't realize how hard i went...here, let me help."
eventually, you to suggest things to ushijima, trying to test out the waters with him.
you start by just asking if he’d want to fuck you without the condom, what he thought about cumming inside, even jokingly saying you’d make him a dad one day.
but it seems like that last part was swimming around his head for a while...he can't get the thought of you getting chubby and round with his kid out of your head. and knowing he'd be able to take care of you all the time? that thought alone made him shiver a little.
what can he say, he loves doting on you more than anything.
however, you aren't expecting the way he reacted weeks after dealing with your teasing and questioning, fueling the thoughts swirling inside his head.
"toshi, if you ever cum inside me, you should set it as your phone background! actually, wait, no, because what if your teammates see it..."
"..."
"mm, maybe a video instead? ooh, yeah, i want a video of you cumming in me then pullin' out so i can see it spill out, toshtosh, would you do that f' me?"
he doesn't reply and doesn't give you a chance to comment again. the visual you painted in his mind just too much for him.
next thing you know, ushi's got you folded in half on the bed, making sure you feel every drag of his stupidly fat cock against your hot gummy walls. he's pulling out to just the tip before slamming back inside you, groaning each time you let out a whimper of his name or squeeze down on him.
"toshi, t-toshi! h-hoohmygod, please, baby, c-calm down, 'm sorry f' teasin', oh my goddd...!"
you're so fucking wet and noisy, he wants to make you be quiet because he feels like your going to make him cum too fast but he'd never ever do it as the thought of not being able to hear you is painful.
he's lost track of time, your cunt making him brainless as he pumps his cock in and out of you as he groans your name, one of his hands pinning your arms to your back while the other presses your head into the pillows.
"s-shhh, honey, let...let me make you feel good, y're so loud..."
it's so fucking messy and sloppy, his cum is dripping out of your tight pussy from how many times he’s emptied his load into you, but he still isn’t stopping, no, he can't. it’s leaking from between your thighs, leaving a milky white sheen on his dick, dripping down onto the bedsheets.
"m-mmh, nooo, toshi, don' wanna be quiet, i-i wan' you to hear how good you make me feel, baby," you purr between moans, knowing that your voice was enough to get him off. the throb of his dick inside of you told you that you were right.
“i...i thought 'bout fucking you like this all day, during practice…that i’d fuck you full of my cum, get it so deep inside you," he mutters with a grunt, moving his hands off you so he could drape himself over your back.
"f-fuck, everyone knew something was off, kageyama kept asking me if-if was okay, how 'm i 'posed to tell him my pretty little honey is waiting at home for me to fill them with my cum?”
with an affirming coo, you manage to tilt your head to the side to look over your shoulder, wanting to see how ushijima is holding up and god, the sight is so sinful.
ushijima's dripping in sweat, his bottom lip swollen and puffy from his teeth digging into it. his fluffy hair is messy and sticking to his damp forehead, and his eyes are shut, squeezing in pleasure when the head of his cock brushed against that sweet spot just right, making your cunt spasm around him.
but his eyes keep opening to see the mess between the both of you. each thrust causes his cum to spill out around him, loud, wet squelches filling the bedroom. and it's only fueling his need to fill you up again, and again, and again, until he can’t anymore.
ushijima can’t stop himself, flipping you over onto your back and folding you into a mating press and, god, he's so fucking happy he did. the way you sob his name, your nails clawing at his back as you cry in pleasure about how much deeper he is now driving him insane.
“t-toshi, cum in me, please, wanna make you a daddy, please.”
“I know, baby, I’ll give you all of it, fuck you full of cum until you can’t take anymore.”
fuck, he’s so loud, he sounds so good. ushi's deep, drawn out groans and pants of your name making you go dizzy, his big hands squeezing your waist tightly each time your hands tug at his hair.
“mm, fuck, that’s right, take all my cum, look at you, so good, can you take more? let...let me cum in you again, baby, you promised you’d make me a daddy, right? i-i need to make sure it sticks.”
all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
#ushijima x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima smut#ushijima wakatoshi smut#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#ushijima x you#ushijima wakatoshi x you#haikyuu smut#hq x reader#hq smut#hq x you#🍉 ── wakatoshi.#˗ˏˋ ★ lxnarworks .ᐟ
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#it's also fairly annoying constantly seeing people treat ai as like a binary event horizon deal#like ok you think chatgpt's illegitimacy is fundamental rather than a matter of its implementation? it wasn't developed out of nowhere#so hope you also demonize like swipe keyboard and autocorrect/suggest because it's essentially just the extremely fancy version of those#ai art's? cool take any digital pieces that used bucket fill/smart snap lasso out of your portfolio then let alone ones w procedural filter#idk fam i am just extremely fed up w these debates on my dash esp w the constant throwing of programmers' labor under the bus in all this#like say what you will about whatever rando throws 'a new van gogh piece' into a prompt box but how about we don't devalue the incredibly#complex thought and work behind theorizing and applying statistical models into fully operational form as some soulless farce actually#'they shouldn't be automating creative labor when they could be automating the manual' they're not automatons with no interests/preferences#why should you be getting to do creative rather than manual labor then?#why does your skillset's profitable demand deserve protection but manual laborers' can get fucked?#change is often terrifying for the imaginable and actual harms it may do you#but it is nonetheless inevitable and adaptation will generally be infinitely more effective than reactionism#for later reference
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so you're taking care of your computer's software health. NICE! but what about its physical health?
because yes, computers do need the occasional real-world checkup to make sure that they're running well. but what exactly does that entail? i see many posts about maintaining software health: limit your browser tabs, ensure your antiviruses are working properly, so on and so forth, but checking the physical components is something i sparsely see discussed here.
so what's the deal with physical maintenance? well, have you ever had your computer hack and wheeze trying to keep up even if your OS and all your drivers are up to date and functioning? if you've never opened up your computer before, you may be shocked to find just how FILTHY it can get in there:
take a closer look at that snout dust! PTOOEY .. BLECKH
computers are much more likely to accumulate internal dust if they're sitting on the floor, and especially if they're near any vents and/or if you have pets.
ok, you've figured out how to open your device and now you're staring at the second coming of the dust bowl in your gaming rig. what now? let's explore some basic cleaning tips, deep cleaning pointers for your CPU/GPU, and tips to help keep maintain your computer's physical health in the future.
first of all, turn off your computer and unplug it (for my computer, i turn it off, turn off the PSU switch, unplug it, and then press the power button for about 30 seconds to drain the capacitors and minimize static risk)
generally, you're gonna want to have THESE items:
some sort of face mask (dust masks are best, but anything that'll help keep the harmful dust out of your lungs will generally work)
a can of compressed air (or an electric duster if you're ~fancy~. they look and function like turbo blowdryers)
a vacuum will be useful if there's a LOT of dust, best to use in combination with an anti-static cleaning kit
if you ARE gonna use a vacuum, spray every attachment you use with an anti-static spray. disturbing large amounts of dust creates a lot of static, and electronics are very sensitive to that.
it's never a bad idea to grab an grounding wristband as well, but as long as you wear loose clothes and always keep some part of your skin in contact with the case, you should be ok. (i don't know how much this applies to laptops and smaller devices, since the cases for those are typically plastic)
if there's staining (like from smoke) or there's more gunk caked on than you thought, you can gently clean electronic components with a brush/paper towel/microfiber and medical-grade isopropyl alcohol ONLY. do not use any other cleaning alcohols for this task.
before you do anything, TAKE THAT FUCKER OUTSIDE! always clean a dusty device where the wind can carry that shit away, because oh my GOD will it fuck up your lungs like crazy. (that, and compressed air cans have fluorocarbons in them, which isn't great to breathe in either)
most of the time, you'll probably be fine just using an air duster. for compressed air cans, spray the dirty surfaces in short bursts. an electric duster can be constantly blown. when dusting fans, make sure that you're holding the blades still as to not accidentally make them spin too fast (ESPECIALLY with an electric duster!), since that can damage the mechanism that makes them spin.
however, if there's a lot of dust, it may be better to give it a vacuuming first. anything from a handheld to a shop vac will work, and attachments with brushes on the end will help tons with loosening up even more dust. and of course ALWAYS make sure that you're spraying any attachments with anti-static spray, and keep a hand on the case of the computer to electrically ground yourself since the hose will be in contact with the internals.
if there's any left over, give it a blast with the duster.
in some rare cases, there may be some extra gunk caked onto the internals, and you may have to really get your hands in there or take components out individually. if you don't have an anti static wristband (the ones with an alligator clip) do your best to ALWAYS keep your skin in contact with the case as you're finagling around in there.
it's probably a good idea to have disposable gloves on for this. grab your isopropyl and towel of choice (microfiber is ideal, but dirtier PCs may need disposable paper/shop towels), soak it a little bit, and gently scrub off the gunk n' grime as needed.
with heat sinks specifically, since they're just big blocks of metal, they're the one part of a component that can be cleaned under water. if a dusting doesn't suffice, gently scrub it with a brush under warm, soapy water, rinse thoroughly, and let it dry on a towel for a few hours before reassembling it into the electronic components.
if there's still little bits stuck in the radiator fins, stick an isopropyl-soaked q-tip in there to push it out.
the dust settles, everything's put back together, and it's all clean in there again. YAY!!!!! but what if you're still experiencing temperature problems? well, it typically comes down to either the CPU or GPU:
IF ITS THE CPU: if you took off the cooler to clean it, then i hope you remembered to dab some fresh thermal paste on there. you should be replacing thermal paste few years, otherwise it dries out and loses its effectiveness.
the type you use makes a huge difference too; i like to use arctic's mx-4, it has excellent thermal conductivity while still being an electrical insulator, so spillover isn't a problem. if you go for a liquid metal compound, please do your research first, since some of them can run the risk of corroding the cooler pipes and/or the CPU's outer casing.
to replace thermal paste, make sure that the crusty old paste is sufficiently scrubbed off the contact points of both the CPU and cooler. again, use isopropyl for this. once it's all cleaned off, put about a pea-sized amount of paste on the CPU and carefully lower the cooler onto the mounting bracket before fastening it in place. (also it really doesn't matter how you put the paste on, as long as it ends up covering most of the contact area)
also if you're still using the cooler your CPU came with, you should probably get a better cooler. especially if you're doing gaming or using graphically/mathematically intensive software. sorry. the stock coolers that most CPUs come with are mid as hell. you can get a nice ARGB one for less than 20 USD i promise its worth it
IF ITS THE GPU: like CPUs, your graphics card also needs to have its thermal paste cleaned out and replaced every so often. but they also utilize a second thermal material called thermal pads. these are usually made of either silica gel or a very thick clay-like grease, and come in different thicknesses. my favoured pads are owltree's 12.8w grease pads, the assorted pack comes with enough for about 4-5 GPUs.
taking apart a GPU seems scary, and understandably so; they're incredibly expensive and hard-working pieces of technology! but i've done it twice now, and it's actually surprisingly simple (as long as you keep track of all the damn screws... im lucky there's a magnetized screw mat in the house i can use)
i recommend watching a deep clean/teardown video of the GPU model you have before digging into it yourself. generally, they separate into 4 distinct portions: the outer shell, the heatsink, the board, and the backplate.
the shell contains the fans and any possible RGB elements. it'll have 1-2 controllers plugged into the board, one for the fans and one for the lighting elements if there are any. once the case is unscrewed, unplug these connectors with a firm squeeze and tug.
these tend to be surprisingly dusty on the inside, so it's probably a good idea to blast it with a duster. again, make sure to hold the fans so they don't overspin. you can also remove the fans from the shell and clean them individually if you'd like.
the heatsink is BIG and heavy, and you can do all the same stuff here that you would with a CPU cooler heatsink. it may take a bit of effort to tug off if the thermal materials are really making it stick to the board. once it's off, scrub the old thermal paste, blast it with a duster, and wash under soapy water if needed before rinsing thoroughly and leaving it to dry for a while.
the backplate is just a flat piece of metal that protects the back side of the board. usually all this will need is a simple wipedown.
the board is where all the magic happens, and will usually have a layout that's something like this:
clean up as needed; gently scrub off old thermal paste, scrape off the old thermal pads (but take close note of how thick they are so you can replace them with the correct pads), and brush/wipe down the dust and grease on each side as needed. take care to avoid touching the PCIe connector too much (the bar of golden pins that juts out from the bottom)
thermal padding varies from card to card (i recommend checking thermal pad placements for your gpu in water cooling guides, even if you're not doing water cooling) but it's typically gonna be on THESE spots:
the VRAM chips surrounding the die (main chip) along with the small black chips next to the capacitors will require thermal pads the most. cut each one to size, carefully peel off the plastic films, and press each piece onto the chips.
now you can grab your thermal paste and put some on that big shiny die. now take your freshly pasted/padded board and CAREFULLY lower it back onto the heatsink. i highly suggest having a good source of lightning for this, since shifting around the pieces too much trying to get them to align properly can displace the thermal pads and mess with how the paste spreads.
screw the heatsink tight to the board, and double check to make sure that the pads and paste are snug against the heat sink. now put the backplate and shell back on and BAM YOU'RE DONE! with the paste and pads i used, i was able to bring down the temperature of my cards by a good 10-15 °C.
ok you've done all this deep cleaning shit and your computer is happy and healthy. what can you do for your computer's health in the future?
DUST AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR. haul that thang outside and spray that shit out to stop it from building up for too long.
KEEP IT OFF THE FLOOR. if you can, of course, not everyone has the desk room for it. computers accumulate dust easier when they're close to the floor. if you do need to keep it on the floor, you might have to dust it every 6-8 months rather than once a year.
AND STOP PUTTING YOUR LAPTOPS ON SOFT SURFACES I SWEAR TO GOD
GET A FAN CONTROLLER. motherboards are DOGSHIT at maintaining fan speeds!!!! there are physical fan hubs that use controller software, but if you can't afford that, fancontrol by rem0o is a stellar software-only option.
IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE CASE FANS, GET THEM. the number of fans depends on the motherboard form factor your case can accommodate (ATX cases typically have 6-8), but having that air circulation is very important to maintaining ideal temperatures. arctic makes fantastic budget-friendly fans.
IF YOU HAVE AN NVMe HARD DRIVE: please put an aluminum heat sink on that thang. they get toasty :(
OK THATS IT I THINK. if anyone else has tips they wanna add, go right on ahead. ok thank you bye your computer will love you
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logan howlett x f!reader / inbox
there is just something about logan being a gentleman.
sure he's the definition of rough around the edges and his patience is very thin with most people, but i just know that when he found his woman, he'd be the definition of chivalrous. he's old school: opening the door for you, giving you his jacket when there's even a slight breeze... and he won't mention any of it. he'll do it all wordlessly as if its second nature. and if you do point it out to him he'll just make a snarky comment in return or say nothing, instead wrapping his arm around you and pulling you close to his side because what is there to say? of course he takes care of you. he considers himself damn lucky to be the one to do so.
if some guy was rude to you, or god forbid, hit on you? he'd be on them in seconds, grabbing their shirt and asking them if that's how they think they should be treating a lady. (it's a rhetorical question and a warning. if they give the wrong answer? lets say you'll be cleaning blood off his shirt that night).
on nights where he drives the two of you home, he'll be constantly glancing at the passenger seat, rubbing circles onto your thighs. and if some asshole ran a red, forcing logan to slam on his breaks, his first instinct would be to fling his arm over you, holding you back against the seat. when you wake up from the commotion he'd just run his thumb against your temple and tell you in a hushed voice that "it was nothing, sweetheart. go back to sleep."
if someone on the team brought you up in a negative manner when you weren't there (rare, it would probably just be scott trying to get a rise out of logan) he'd turn red: "don't you talk about her" and "keep her name out of your goddamn mouth". because who the fuck thinks they can talk about his girl??
he's not big on PDA but that doesn't mean he's not touchy. anytime you'd walk up the stairs he'd let you use his arm as your own personal railing. before he left for work in the morning, no matter how late he was, he'd make sure to kiss you on the forehead before he left. and if he had a job where he'd have to wake up at the crack of dawn? he'd make sure to get out of bed as quietly as ever and if you so much as stirred, he'd brush your hair back with a "shhh" and a kiss before he got ready for his long day. but it would be okay because he could get through anything knowing he'd be coming home to you at the end of the day.
anyway as rough as logan can be, he's obsessed with his partner and wants to do nothing more than take care of them. and that my friends makes logan the ultimate gentleman.
a/n: just a little blurb because i am obsessed with this idea. my inbox is open if anyone wants to share more thoughts on logan cause ahhh!!
#logan howlett#wolverine#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x reader#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine blurb#wolverine fluff#logan howlett fluff#logan howlett blurb#x men fanfiction
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"I think my boss really likes me, guys..... Look at these massive tits. I feel so gross having boobs so big. People look at me like a perv just for having them. Women ask me every day if I consider getting a reduction, telling me how ridiculous they look. Men constantly ask me if I do porn and play with them without asking.... I don't really mind, I guess. It's kind of fun getting groped in public, in a naughty way. Maybe I should do porn? I bet my boss would love that.....
So, I started my new job as a waitress at this fancy restaurant connected to a hotel by the waterfront. One day I mentioned to my boss that I'm not getting great tips, I was blaming the rich people for being stingy..... He laughed and handed me a bottle of pills. He said to take two a day, and I'll get way better tips. I thought they were uppers or something..... The bottle is unlabeled but I looked up the pills. They're a fertility drug that greatly increases breast size and libido. Everyone that takes it says the effect on libido clouds judgment and makes anything pleasurable feel so good you don't want to stop..... I can safely say that part is true.
I went from almost flat-chested, hating to flirt with customers or random guys, to having these.... giant things, and constantly wanting attention and sex. I rub up on guys, I flirt, I bounce my breasts for customers, I even flirt with other girls.... I get amazing tips, and even end up selling my body to a lot of clients. They ask me to join them in their hotel rooms. They take one look at my body now and assume I'm a whore, so I happily validate their assumptions..... I fuck so many men, even outside, in restrooms, in their cars in random parking lots....
Sometimes we get found out and the men never get in trouble. The cops handcuff me and roughly push me against their squad cars. I usually just have to get passed around by the precinct for a couple hours, then I'm on my way.... Fuck, I used to be such a pure, smart, normal girl..... Now I'm a total trainwreck, but at least I have money. This libido just isn't doing me any favors. I just decided to throw out my birth control. Why? Because I 'want to see' how I'll look with a belly full of sextuplets or maybe even more. I don't want to be a mom, I just want a giant mountain of a belly full of kids. God I'm turning into such an idiot, I love it soooo much. ❤️"
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Fucking After Party!
pairings: leon kennedy x fem!reader
synopsis: Of course your big brother coddles you. Do you find it weird? Yes. So, you slip away to a Halloween party, unbeknownst to what will happen later in the night. Maybe you'll find yourself clinging to your older brother in time of need.
cw: MDNI!! INCEST !! Knives, oral, p in v, unprotected sex, noncon/dubcon, creampies, spanking, manhandling, degradation, praise, overstimulation, poor depictions of alcohol and drinking, poor depictions of flirting (im shorry), videotaping.. um probably more but i don't wanna spoil it. LEON IS VERY OOC (since some ppl are babies about that 🙄)
wc: 4.6k
tags: @dilfstar @adiorxia @leonkennedygvrl @bunnyclaire @rigorwhoring @leonsdolly @admirxation @gettingsilly @nilpill @withonly-sweetheart @cakelitter
“Hey little sis,” he hums out, hand reaching up to pet your head with affection. Thinking about how cute you are when you look up at him with red hot cheeks. His eyes dip down your body, so soft and plush. Perfect.
“Leoonnnn!” You drag out his name in an annoyed tone. Swatting his hand away. Can't help but think that he's a pest, constantly buzzing around you. Never leaving you alone.
Like, c’mon doesn't he have a job? He's always been a bit of a lurker around you, but especially now that you're in college. Can't always be his baby sis. One day, you'll have a significant other, leave the house, and sort of cut contact for the most part. Be too busy to entertain your loser of an older brother.
To him though? You will be by his side forever. Dote on you forever and ever. Never make you pay any bills, lift a finger, or even have the time to complain about something. Because, guess what! Big brother is always here for you. To take care of you and never make you have to get a job to sustain yourself.
Leon just chuckles at your display of frustration. He wants to comment on how cute you are, especially when you say his name like that.
Wants to just snatch you up and cuddle with you until you are fast asleep in his arms. His strong, firm biceps against your body like you're a body pillow.
Imagining you scooting up close until you're snug against his body. Your ass pressing into his groin so much that he can feel your tailbone. To imagine you knocked out so he can take full advantage of you. Better yet, if you pretend to be asleep, letting him grope you in ways a brother shouldn't.
Honestly, he thought about ordering some sleeping pills to dissolve into your drinks. So when he feels like feeling you up in your sleep, he can do it while making sure you're gonna stay asleep.
And place a camera in your room so he can watch back on how you look and react in your sleep. See if you smile in your sleep. Good material to jerk off to, especially good if he manages to snag a pair of your panties.
He sucks on his teeth and shakes his head down at you. “So… where’re you headed, looking like that? Got a hot date or what?” Leon drags his eyes slowly once more. One thing caught his eye immediately. Can't believe he didn't even notice it the first time he looked at you.
You are wearing black pantyhose and a white mini dress. What are you, some cheap hooker? No, no, no… you are his baby. Only he should see you like this. Not some fucking douchebag who's going to do a pump and dump.
Man, if he ever catches some guy trying to dick you down in your bed.. it'll be over. One flash of his badge and the guy will go running off with his tail between his legs. It doesn't mean anything to Leon if your love or sex life doesn't even begin.
“I'm going to a Halloween party.” You answer bluntly, gesturing towards your sexy nurse rendition. Shifting from one foot to the other, your maroon colored heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Sighing deeply, like he's boring you.
Leon raises his eyebrows. Even worse than a date. A whole party full of immature adults whose brains aren't fully developed. Great. Perfect.
“Sure you don't want me to go with you? I can be a sexy cop,” he puts his hands on his hips with a sly smile. “I can even bring my handcuffs.”
You wrinkle your nose at that. “Um, no thanks. You'll just be watching me the entire time, again. Remember last time?”
Closing your eyes and shaking your head rapidly for a few seconds. It was weird.
“Oh come on , I was making sure nobody was trying anything funny. Can't consent if you're totally wasted.” As if he isn't planning on touching you in your sleep.
Though, you've no idea that he's thinking this stuff. Supposed to be a good guy. Good cop.
However, there is something about you that makes that dark side of his brain itch. Maybe it is because you are his little sister? The fact that you guys used to play house together? Used to do things that would be weird to do as two grown adults.
Him being the husband, you being the wife. Parents in the other room as you mimicked what they did a lot, which is a quick peck on the lips. It was innocent.
Or when you both were forced to change in the bathroom together, after swimming. It was all fine and dandy since you're family. And when it became weird, was when you were fourteen and he was sixteen.
Weird that your brother kept following you and bothering you. Or was the chaperone at dances. Always staring and glaring down at other boys. Pissed you off and you both argued on the way home. You did not have a good time at any dances because of him.
“I need to protect you from the bad guys,” he said. “Mom says I have to watch you, since I'm older than you,” he said. What is he, some sort of hero?
It only got worse when you walked in on him masturbating. You remember the way his mouth was formed in an ‘o’ shape, how his cock was flushed at the tip. How he had his head tilted back into his pillow. The lewd sounds of him fucking his fist and his soft groans and whimpers. And how his muscles rippled with each tug, the slight sheen of sweat on his naked figure.
Leon was just mumbling to himself. “Yeah? Yeah, just like that. Mhmm…”
“Take it baby, take it.”
“Please let me cum inside of you. Please let me.”
And a whole bunch of other things you simply wish you never heard out of his mouth. It makes you cringe. But you also feel disgusted for squeezing your thighs together as you watched him. He was big. Real big.
“Yeah. But I want to go, to have a good time, Leon.” You insist on leaving alone. “I'll text you if I need any help.”
Giving him a flat smile, you click clack your way to your friend's car outside. Getting inside the vehicle and driving away swiftly. Looking out the window and seeing Leon wave goodbye to you.
As soon as you arrive at the party, you are bombarded with the smell of weed, sweat, and alcohol. Just the right scent notes for a candle!
You shimmy your way into the kitchen for a red solo cup to fill up with some concoction of alcohol and juice. Doing so, you find yourself flirting with a guy who is dressed up as a vampire. And he convinces you to dance with him.
Making your way to the dance floor, he keeps a firm grip on your wrist. Slowly moving it down towards your hips. It’s a bit weird for someone to be so confident and comfortable with touching a woman like that immediately. But you ignore it for the time being.
Slowly getting to know him and all of his interests. Barely giving you any time to talk about yourself. It's whatever. He's cute.
It sure is fun letting loose and drinking all your sorrows away.
You feel his hand start to slip down towards the top of your ass. Still, you don't say anything. Maybe it's just the alcohol dulling your senses, you just can't find a care in the world to stop him.
He leads you back to the kitchen, pouring you a drink. Urging you to finish what he made you before you both got back to the dance floor. Kind of weird, but alright.
Shit. All you can see and feel is his soft body against you, his dick grinding up against your stomach. The black shaggy hair and his stupid vampire collar. And his old spice ass cologne, ugh. Headache central.
You excuse yourself and go to the kitchen. Fixing yourself another cup, because fuck it. And then another man comes up and starts chatting away with you.
Eventually, you both make it outside. Talking about the most random bullshit you could think of.
This guy's pretty cute too. No costume though, from what you could tell. And, he's eyeing you up like candy. Like he wants to eat you up here and now. Hot…!
He's tall, skinny, and has dark brown hair. Oh, not to mention the weird black lines on his face. Maybe…it's his costume? You hope.
“So, what's your costume?” You gesture towards his outfit.
“I'm dressed up as Choso from Jujutsu Kaisen, you probably don't know it. It's an anime.” He explains with a shrug of his shoulders and a smirk to his lips.
Oh! So he's one of those guys. Yeah, nevermind. No thanks, Mr. Nice guy.
“Oh, okay… Cool. I'll be sure to look that up later,” you hum and nod your head.
He created this awkward atmosphere. Best to just swipe it under the rug and talk about something else. Or, just get more alcohol! Because alcohol fixes everything!
Both of you make your way back into the house and you grab some more of that good stuff. Gulping it all down and smoothing your slutty nurse outfit out. Bending over to fix your stockings, to make sure it looks cute still.
Somebody comes up behind you and whistles. That gets your attention in the wrong way. Doesn't matter to the guy though. Attention is attention. Can't help but wrinkle your nose at him, watching him walk away with a smug look on his face.
You straighten up and sigh, checking your phone. It's only been two hours?
God, it feels like it's been an eternity in this swamp of horny drunk adults. You can't see your friends anywhere, assuming they've already left and are going to hookup with some stranger. Like always, leaving you behind to fend for yourself. It's cool though.
Rubbing your bleary eyes, you stumble out the front door. The chilly air of October coming to bite you in the ass. Quite literally. It's almost hanging out with the way it keeps riding up. It's not too cold, as you have some liquid courage in your system! Thank god for that!
Feeling your teeth start to chatter, you manage to send your location to Leon. Opening your camera, you take a good look at yourself. Fixing yourself up to take a few photos. Might as well, since you look absolutely amazing. Wouldn’t want this makeup to be all for nothing, now would we?
As you smile and pose for the camera, you feel two arms slipping around your waist. But no groin pressing up against you. Odd. You bite your lip and turn your head.
“What the—Leon?”
“Yes, silly. That's my name, don't wear it out.” He chuckles down at you. “What? I was getting ready to pose for a picture with you.”
You roll your eyes, feeling his chin rest on your shoulder. And at the last second, he moves his hand to come up and squish your cheeks together. Ruining the photo.
Turning around, you let out a huff of air. Hitting him once in the chest before making your way to his Jeep. Not bothering to chastise him for doing that. You've had enough of men for today.
Buckling yourself, you squeeze your legs together, trying to warm up quickly. The warm air fanning all around you, undoing all the prickles in your skin, it's refreshing. Leon gets into the driver's side and buckles himself before driving back to your guys’ house.
Closing your eyes, you tilt your head back against the headrest. The bumps and the soft sound of the radio killing you to sleep. Thankfully Leon doesn't say anything the rest of the way home.
As the car slows to a stop, you wake up from your little—but much appreciated—nap. Groaning, you unbuckle and get out. Staggering your way up the stairs and waiting for Leon to hurry up and unlock the front door.
His thick hair bounces with each step he takes as he jogs his way towards you. Opening it and walking inside, shutting it and locking it behind you.
He takes his shoes off, leaving them at the door and disappears into the hallway. You sigh, taking your heels off and hurrying to your room. Closing it behind you, you set your shoes on the floor. Flopping onto your bed with a groan.
Before you could begin to take off your clothes, the power goes out. Leaving you in complete darkness. Double tapping your phone, you put on your flashlight.
“Leon?” You call out, crawling out of bed to open your door.
A few beats later there's a loud thud, which makes you jump. Okay, now you are really scared. Soft hums and deafening white noise fills your ears. You go to his door and knock on it.
No answer, yet again. Did this asshole fall asleep? Great.
Making your way towards the living room, you hear yet another noise. “Ha ha.. very funny Leon! I know its you.”
You hope it's just him pulling a prank. Hope.
And when you finally reach to your destination, you move your phone around to see if anyone's there. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a tall black figure.
Screaming, you almost slip and fall trying to run back into your room. But before you could make it, their hands grab onto your waist as tight as possible. Pulling you back towards their chest. God damn it, you dropped your phone!
“Please let me go!” You start panicking and sobbing, kicking your feet out in hopes that they drop you. “I don't wanna die! Please…!”
They don't, obviously. And you try to elbow them in the stomach, hearing them groan and tighten their grip around you. Putting one hand over your mouth with ease.
The man drags you back into the living room, throwing you on the couch and straddling your hips. You hear him snort and in turn makes your stomach churn with disgust mixed with fear. Sobbing, you feel weak due to being inebriated and scared. Unable to try and push him off of you.
“You're so stupid,” he says lowly, his gloved hands pinning your wrists down with one, the other one squishing your cheeks together. “So slutty too.”
His hand leaves your face and traces the curves of your body. Too bad you can't see his face. Stupid mask.
“W-What do you want from me?” You squeak out, feeling his hand start to grope at your chest with interest.
“Your virginity, baby.” He coos, ripping off your skimpy nurse dress. The buttons go flying everywhere. His voice sounds familiar though.
In the state of shock, he takes the opportunity to pull out his knife and cut through your bra. Watching the way your nipples pebble up and how your tits jiggle. Putting his knife back, he groans. Grabbing a tit and squeezing it before letting it go to slap it.
“Stop it! Why are you doing this to—”
Listening to the way you gasp and whimper. He repeats it a couple times to each tit, before he pulls up his mask just enough to see his mouth.
Leaning down, he forces you into a kiss. His hand lightly holding you down by the neck, his thumb gently squeezing the side. Letting you feel lightheaded so that you still panic at the thought of him killing you.
“Taste so good, pretty girl.” The man laughs into the kiss before he gets off of you.
Maneuvering you into the missionary position. Pushing your legs down with his weight as he ties your hands together.
Once he deems it good enough, he gets up and starts to shuffle things around. And lights a few candles, making you squint, noticing something being propped up. Blinking a few times, you see it's a fucking camera.
“Please, don't do this to me. Please…” you beg him, watching him make his way back to you.
His hands sliding up your legs, playing with the stockings you have on. “Cute tights you've got on, slut.” He hums, his thumbs trace the lace.
Moving up until he reaches your panties. “Hm, cute thong too. I see it's nice and soaked for me. And here you were, screaming and crying for me to stop.” He cuts them off of you, dragging the dull tip of his blade against your skin. Seeing you jump as he gets closer to your chubby cunt.
“Got nothing to say?” The man puts his knife away, his thumb swiping over your folds. Not rubbing where you want him to rub, just teasing around it.
“Please…” you whine out, trying to move your hips in a way that makes his thumb press against your clit.
He chuckles, laying between your thighs, holding them up over his shoulders. “I know, I know. You want your pretty pussy to be played with. Want it to be raped too, huh?” Licking up and down your lips, teasingly dipping his tongue into your hole.
Groaning, he starts to suck and swirl his tongue around your clit. You moan and squirm under him, feeling his hot tongue against your clit feels soo good. Moving your tied hands down to grab at his head. Needing to hold on to something.
“Mmh.. right there,” you mewl, grabbing at his head harder. Hearing him slurp and moan into your pussy like he's the one that's getting head.
“Yeah, right here?” He goads, taking your clit between his teeth gently. Nibbling on it and swirling his tongue all over it. And all thoughts in your head became mush.
It creeps up on you like a jump scare in a movie. One minute you're fine, next minute you are jumping. Not because you're scared, but because you came so hard your body couldn't help but thrash around.
“I'm… I'm c-coming!” Loud cries came out of your mouth as your legs shook and planted themselves against his head. The fact a camera is recording your every move and word, slips out of your brain and out into his mouth.
And he greedily latches his mouth onto your hole. Getting every last drop of your cum before he sits up on his haunches and removes his mask. Maybe it's because you just came, but you aren't so alarmed that it's Leon.
“What the fuck? Leon?!” Your cunt throbs, feeling your heart sink down straight to your ass. You can't even move properly and that makes him smile.
“What the fuck, Leon?” He mocks you, leaning down to get all up in your face. “So fucking cute,” he hums, squishing your face together before moving it away from him, “so stupid though. I mean, fuck. You'd get wet and spread your legs for any man who wants to lick you open?”
Leon tuts, giving your cheek a few taps before he pushes down his black sweats. His cock already hard and flushed red at the tip. Giving it a few slow strokes, his other hand gently roams up your body, giving your boob a feel.
“Gonna let big brother take your virginity? Let me split open this cute cunt?” Leon watches you intently, tapping the weeping tip on your sensitive bud. “Not gonna fuck you until you beg for it.” Grabbing your left leg and lifting it up against his chest.
You feel your eyes well up with tears once more. Lifting your head, you watch his heavy cock play with your pussy lips. Blinking them away, you swallow the thickness in your throat.
“Please.. fuck me,” you mumble out, looking away, towards the camera unknowingly.
“What was that? Speak up, princess.” Leon guides the tip to your hole, letting it kiss your opening.
“Oh my fucking god! Just fuck me, Leon!”
Shaking his head disapprovingly, he leans down, pushing it in slowly. “Big brother's gotta fuck this attitude out of you, hm? Yeah, he's gonna keep this fat cunt nice and full until she's learned her lesson.” His dirty brown hair falls into your face as he moans from the sensation of your cunt around his length.
Keeping his eyes locked into your face as he sinks deeper into you. “Does it hurt, baby?”
“Yeah,” you clench down on him, your velvety walls squeezing him just right. “It's too big.” A deep whine in your throat bubbles up.
“Aww, poor pussy’s gonna go through it, yeah? Too bad big brother's cock wants to punish his little sister's cunt. Mhm…” he presses his lips against yours as he humps your wetness, softly making out with you. His hand goes up your arm and holds your hand in reassurance.
As you lock tongues, he takes the opportunity to go just a bit harder and faster. Groaning as you flutter and cant your hips into his pelvis. The shaven patch of hair just runs against your clit just right.
Pulling away, he lets go of your leg and hand, holding onto your hip and pushing your face towards the camera. “I'm recording this, smile for the camera baby,” he says between gritted teeth.
Moaning, you look directly into the lenses, tightening around him. “Mmhh—fuck—please!” you squirm, moving your arms to block your face. Too embarrassed to look into it while he's fucking you.
“You camera shy now? So adorable, lil sis,” he grunts, plowing even harder now. Both hands gripping onto the fat of your hips, listening to the squelching from your wetness. “You hear that? Sopping wet for your big brother. Tightened up when you were forced to look into the camera. It's okay baby, nobody else will see this video but me.” His thumb starts to swirl around your clit hard.
Rubbing it fast, feeling you start to come undone on his dick. The feeling of his leather gloves catches onto your clit deliciously. You feel red and hot all over, your stomach tensing up. And you start screaming, legs going numb, feeling your upper body jerk forward as you cum. “Leon!”
“Fuck!” Leon rabbits his hips into your squelching heat, roughly fucking you into the couch, “didn't know you'd squirt so easily.” He lets out a mix of a moan and a laugh, giving your pussy a few taps before putting you into a mating press.
Feeling your lace stockings against his head as he drives into his own orgasm. “All fucked out now, mhm. Yeah, big brother's g’nna feed your pussy his cum. Get you fucking pregnant, oh—”
He growls as his balls plap against your ass. Filling you up with hot white sticky ropes, stuffing you to the brim. But his hips don't stop fucking it into you. Pressing his cold lips against yours, he slows down.
Leon huffs and leans back, pulling out his still hard cock soaked with a mixture of your fluids and his. Watching your cunt open and close, oozing out his spend.
He unties your wrists and rubs up and down your sides. “Let me fuck you again, please lil sis?” Feeling your body hiccup and twitch from overstimulation.
Rubbing your ruined eye makeup, you weakly nod your head. “Uhuh, want it again.”
And then he's back all over you. Kissing you and groping your tits. Twisting your nipples and pinching them as his mouth makes its way to your neck. Begining to litter you with marks to insinuate you are taken.
He switches to the other one, giving it the same love and attention he gave to your right breast. And before he stops, he presses a kiss in the valley of your breasts.
“Okay, on your stomach now.” He guides you to flip over, spreading your ass to watch your holes wink at him. Gives it a smack, loving the way it moves.
Leon braces himself on his forearm as he pushes the head back in. Whimpering as he presses his chest against your back, arms caging you into the couch.
“Good god, you're so tight,” humping into you, he whispers into your ear. His breath hot and his voice low, sending chills down your spine and it warms your belly up.
“This slutty pussy is mine, alright? Won't let any other man come near you. You're my little sister.”
“Uhuh, s’all yours big brother,” you feed into his fucked up mindset. Letting him fuck you into his idealization of you. Soft, sweet, and pliant.
Rocking your hips back, you moan into the cushions. With each thrust, he goes deeper and deeper. Making you arch your back from how deep he is.
Soft squeaks and punched out groans rise from your throat, “Leon, please,” grabbing ahold of his hand and squeezing it. “Oh, fuck, please.”
His pace starts to pick up, watching the way your head bobbles from his thrusts. Heavy balls plapping away at your clit, making you cry out. He drives himself harder into your wet hole, striving to make you cum again.
“Yeah? Gonna cum for me? Soak my cock again, uhuh, c’mon baby,” Leon encourages you, whimpering and growling in your ear. The loud slapping noises echoing throughout the room. The smell of sex and sweat twirling in the air like dust particles.
Hot and heavy breaths against your neck as he clumsily kisses your pulse point. You shivering beneath him, milking his cock for all its worth is what drives him crazy. Pushing on your lower back as he grips a cheek and then slaps it. Over and over again.
Hearing you crying out for him is enough for him to spill his seed once more. He pulls your hair and makes your face visible to the camera, coaxing you through your final orgasm of the night. Listening to you squeal and call out his name.
“Good girl. You ready for me to pump this cunt up full with my cum?” Leon starts humping you, barely pulling out as he waits for your answer.
“Yes, yes, yes!” Eyes rolling into the back of your head as he slams his hips against your ass.
About a half a dozen of thrusts, he spurts his load deep into your womb. Letting go of your hair, he lazily grinds his seed into your throbbing pussy as much as he can, before all of it comes pooling out.
“Fuck me, jesus christ. ‘Bout emptied my balls into you. Fuck, I was backed up.” Leon pulls out of you and spreads you open, watching it bubble and pop out. Biting his lip as he pushes it back in with his thumb.
Pulling up his pants, he grabs a few tissues to clean you up. As well as the couch. Oops, hope your parents don't notice any stains!
“I'm so full,” you mumble, wincing as you turn on your back. “It's going to be your fault if I can't walk tomorrow.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He snorts, giving you a chaste kiss on the forehead.
“Oh shit, I've got to stop the recording,” he goes over and shuts it off with a dopey smile on his face. “taking your first time on our first tape together.”
Groaning, you push him away as he begins to snuggle with you. “God. Gross, get out of here.”
“C'mon, I'll buy you as many sour patch kids and chocolates as you want. But first, let's go clean up properly.” He convinces you and you allow him to carry you bridal style into the bathroom.
Of course, with a roll of your eyes with it too. “You better.” Because you wouldn't be his cute baby sis without having some sort of attitude towards him. Even after he fucked your brains out.
(genuinely forgot where i got the divider for the content warning. augh. I'll find it later.)
#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy x you#leon kennedy x reader#leon scott kennedy#resident evil smut#leon smut#leon kennedy smut#leon resident evil#leon s kennedy x reader#localkiss#divider by cafekitsune
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