#i closed the tab and could not for the life of me find this post again for an hour

[mangorb]

pov from the other side of the issue as a survivor of child rape/undefined SA, I can't even fathom why anyone would try to intentionally inflicted this on a child. I was raised very conservatively, so I've spent a LONG time trying to rationalise my gender dysphoria as a symptom of trauma.

as a survivor and also a person who wants to love their body in the present, separately from the things I experienced a long time ago. the idea that you can just "fix" dysphoria by applying a trauma label is doing a huge disservice to sexual assualt victims of all genders too.

the whole "trans men just have sexual trauma" thing absolutely infuriates me, as someone who was practically brainwashed into believing i was raped by conversion therapists as a kid.

i have been an obvious transsexual my entire life. i told everyone i was a boy. i was just told it was normal and nobody wants to be a girl. i told my mom i wanted a dick and balls and she said, "no you dont."

i was put in conversion therapy, diagnosed with autism, despite not having many of the symptoms, and put on Risperdal. an anti psychotic drug that was not meant to be used in children as young as i was, that also "just so happens" to cause out of control breast growth. (it also caused me to become obese and struggle with my weight for years even after i stopped taking it, despite never having weight problems before.)

therapists and my parents would constantly tell me that i was hiding something and try to hypnotize me into remembering it, i had no idea what it was, i was told something horrible happened to me and i had to remember it, i kept telling them i dont remember, and they told me i had memory problems. they kept telling me i had a memory locked away somewhere and i had to recover it, i had no idea what they meant by this.

i have no idea how to describe the way that i felt because of this. the feeling didnt go away when the therapy ended. it stayed with me for YEARS. my entire childhood and most of my teenage years i felt like i had a dark and evil secret that i couldnt even remember. it stuck with me, i didnt even know what it was. they marked me socially and mentally as a "rape victim" without it even happening, without me even understanding what they had done.

i didnt find out until i was a teenager that the therapists were telling my parents i had been raped. based on nothing. you know what happened in these therapy sessions? i played with animal toys and told the therapist i didnt want to go to school and that i wanted to be a boy. i told them i hated my name. and wanted to be called by a different name. they told me i had a deep dark secret i needed to remember and confess to them.

because marking me as someone who had been raped would emasculate me.

[zosan-secondchances]

The Pirate King of the North: Part 8

Main Themes: Villain Sanji, Alternate Universe, Zosan Ship

Warning: Long post ahead with One Piece spoilers. Contains strong language and explicit content.

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

Sanji

Explain, Commander.

Commander 2

We’d been keeping tabs on Doflamingo like you wanted. But since your… performance… in Sabaody Archipelago, he’s disappeared from our radar completely.

Law didn't look too impressed hearing this. 

Law

You've known where to find him all along?

Sanji

Of course I do. Or…I did.

Oh, don't give me that face, doctor. Remember, Doffy and I have an alliance. I only wanted to make sure that he doesn't know that I'm sneaking around with you until we find out more about Corazon. My intel on his whereabouts all but benefits you. However, please understand that it's all on a need-to-know basis. I still have a duty to protect his privacy.

The doctor glares at him, sneering especially after being reminded about the blonde's partnership with his sworn enemy. He's starting to have doubts about saving the man's life.

Zoro begins to wonder himself what this means about the recent development in his relationship with the blonde.

Sanji turns his attention back to the blue-haired commander.

Sanji

So there's nothing at all? Nothing in the usual countries and islands? …At home even? Are any of our agents compromised?

Commander 2

I have in good faith that the reports are accurate and untapped.

And… I really hope he’s not wandering somewhere in the castle. I don’t know if I can sleep like that.

Zoro crosses his arms and legs at the foot of Sanji’s bed, listening intently and observing the stranger. He notices that the blonde's relationship is somewhat domestic with this man, even with the formal titles. 

Sanji

Hold on. How in the world did you find me?

Commander 2 pokes the side of his head.

Commander 2

Distress signal. Did you die?

Sanji

Uhm… no?

Law

He did.

Zoro looks at the doctor with a horrified expression but Sanji and the commander look unbothered by the news. Law picks up on the swordsman's concern so he follows up quickly. 

Law

Relax. He's still alive, isn't he? We lost him for less than a minute. His heart stopped beating but we got it under control.

Commander 2

That would do it.

Sanji groans, his head falling back against the pillow that's propping him up.

Sanji

I forgot about that damned thing. The last time this happened was when the Marimo sliced off my arm.

Zoro frowns at the memory.

Zoro

You… died then?

Sanji

So I've been told. I only remember feeling like shit. They told me that I bled out from the fight, love. You got me good!

Zoro frowns at the comment as Sanji chuckles casually about it. To him, it’s starting to make sense how the blonde was able to slip away and survive certain arduous battles against him before.

While he can't see the commander's eyes, he could sense that the man is watching him like a hawk behind his thick goggles. Zoro returns the glare with just as much intensity.

Sanji

I think the signal still activates if we hit a critical condition.

Commander 2

Which wouldn’t have happened if you had your Raid Su–

Sanji

DON'T. Start.

The commander closes his mouth shut and tuts to himself, resisting to openly show any signs of disapproval in front of everyone. 

Law

Mr. Prince-ya, is there something you want to tell us? We can't have a tracker on you while we're trying to stay under the radar ourselves.

Sanji and his commander share a look. After a brief pause, the blonde speaks.

Sanji

It's a bit complicated, doctor.

Commander, it’s okay to tell them. We need to prove that they can trust us, and that hasn’t changed. Even if the doctor and dear Doffy are enemies.

Commander 2

Fine. I hate that guy too anyway.

Law smirks at the commander’s comment. Sanji can't say that he's not glad to see that they have found common ground at the very least.

The commander turns his attention to Law, then proceeds to explain.

Commander 2

It's Germa tech–a safety precaution, nothing more. The signal isn't something that can be intercepted by anything, including black snails. It can only be sent and received by people who have undergone the procedure to install the proper modifications, and it’s tied to our genetics.

Sanji

Our father had kindly ordered his scientists to open up our skulls when we were very young. It made sense at the time, what with softer heads and faster recovery rate. It’s useful, but we have no control of it.

The blue-haired man nods then follows up quickly.

Commander 2

It's similar to an automatic reflex.

Now that we’ve matured, I believe it will prove fatal to have the mods removed. We can’t do anything about it.

Zoro felt sick at the thought. He wonders what sort of monster Sanji had been raised by. Then he realises something. 

Zoro

Curls… are you two brothers?

Sanji stares at him for a second, then laughs out loud, making him and Law look at each other in confusion.

Sanji

Yes! I forget that I haven’t told you anything about my family!

Marimo and doctor, this is my brother, Asshole. Asshole, this is Marimo and doctor.

The commander snarls at Sanji, gritting his teeth.

Commander 2

My name is Vinsmoke Niji, Prince and Commander of Germa.

—

Zoro was selfishly hoping to continue spending time with the recently woken up blonde but this prince commander, Niji, had completely taken over Sanji's time. The swordsman didn't fully understand the conversation that followed but it was a necessary one as it involved the blonde's health.

Niji had provided Law with what looks like a compact first aid kit specifically tailored for the Pirate King. He went on a detailed explanation about how their bodies differ from regular human bodies, pointing out that Sanji, while being one of the Vinsmoke children that had been modified to have superhuman capabilities, is especially unique compared to the rest of his siblings having the only one who retained his emotions.

Hearing the science behind it felt clinical and too much information for the swordsman to fully absorb. He felt like being in the room while Law and the commander spoke about Sanji's body the way they did was too personal and he shouldn't be there for it.

When Zoro tries to leave, he feels a hand wrap around his own. He looks down and finds that the blonde is holding onto him, as if asking him to stay. So he does.

To conclude, Niji proceeds to go through the contents of the kit. One of which is a tubed cream that he demonstrates with. He applies a small amount on the blonde's ripped tendons, miraculously sealing the open wound closed in an instant.

Sanji looked satisfied with the result. He wriggles and stretches his feet poking out of the blanket, smiling at it happily. Now there are scars where the gashes once were, adding to his ever growing collection. Niji's face looks unfazed, but he straightens up and puffs out his chest a bit like he's proud of his work.

To ensure Law's continued interest in working together, Sanji provides him with even more valuable information about himself and his kingdom, offering them as gifts in good faith. He reveals that his four most trusted commanders are actually his siblings, and should anything happen to him, one of them will take over to rule Germa. Their collective efforts ensure that the Pirate King’s reputation is upheld and his orders are enforced by each one of their varying specialties. It gives the illusion that the Sanji is in multiple places at once, and makes sure that his influence and power over the North remain unchallengeable.

Law

Why are you telling me all this?

Sanji

My dear, you haven't played this game much before, have you? I'm laying it all out for you. Don't waste it.

Niji

So you can use the information against him if he's being a dick. He's offering his trust to you for yours.

Maybe sharing a bit too much detail, if you ask me. A lot of people have lost their lives trying to learn what you just did in the last five minutes.

Sanji

Commander Niji, you ass! Let him figure it out! How else is he going to learn?

Niji

He's not a player. Look at him.

He's too soft.

Law

Sh–shut up! I'm not!

So, is this how you hide your whereabouts? By overwhelming everyone with information that is all technically true?

Sanji nods, smiling. He looks almost smug at his own cleverness.

Sanji

Carefully curated truth, doctor. I don't reveal everything, but I give away enough to keep people off my back, or you know, just for fun. I do prefer to work in the shadows.

Law

The Underworld?

Sanji

For the most part. If you're nice, I'll tell you more about it all later.

Sanji gives Law a cheeky flirtatious wink. Zoro rolls his eye in reaction.

Niji

This doesn't explain why you blew your own cover in Sabaody Archipelago with that charity show.

Sanji

Oh, it was all part of a heist but I’ve always wanted to show off my legs in those video shows. I completely didn't see the Celestial Dragon coming and I know that I should have known better. How hot did I look in those heels though?

Niji

Ugh….

Zoro quietly agreed about Sanji's appearance but he's not about to announce that.

Law

There's something I don't get….

Sanji

Ask away.

Law

I come from the North Blue myself. The Marines say that after you killed your own father, you enslaved your siblings, and they are never seen again.

Sanji

Ah.

Law observes Niji's features, taking notes of his curly eyebrows and similar facial structure.

Law

If what you say is true and this man is your brother, then the story from the Marines is false.

Sanji

Bunch of liars, those lot. They're worse than me.

Law

What's the real story?

Sanji glances at Niji then proceeds to explain. This time, his pace is slow, as if trying to make sure that he says the right word every time.

Sanji

Vinsmoke Judge was… there's no way around it–he’s an ass.

Niji

You can't deny all the scientific and military progress he'd made though.

Sanji

Yes, well…thank you, Commander.

Let's just say that I wasn't exactly his favourite. See, that, I could deal with.

But I killed him because he wouldn't let me visit our own mother's grave.

Zoro raised his eyebrows at that. He could tell that the doctor is intrigued by the story himself.

Sanji

I did force my siblings into custody at that time, but I only kept them under lock and key until I named myself ruler of Germa. Then I didn't need to.

Niji and my other siblings are hardwired to follow Germa’s current king or queen's demands so I made them my commanders. They didn't have to like it, but their loyalty is unquestionably clear. They physically can't disobey my orders. All thanks to dear father's hard work turning them into the perfect soldiers.

A lot of our father's faithful followers are against me being in the throne so to protect them, we had to hide their identities for a while. I guess it stuck.

Law

Figures your own father saw you as a threat.

Sanji

No…it's the opposite, actually. He locked me away when we were very young. He said I was uhm…

Sanji trails off at that and looks down. His grip on Zoro's hand tightens.

Niji

A failure. The word you're looking for is “failure”.

Sanji

Yeeees, yes. Thank you, Commander. Ah yes, how could I forget?

Niji 

Don't mention it.

Niji is smirking with a broad grin.

Sanji's body trembles in anger for a moment, but it subsides when Zoro gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. He takes a deep breath then turns to Law again after composing himself.

Sanji

He kept me out of sight, to make sure that I didn't ruin his reputation. Until one day he didn't feel just as merciful and threw me away.

Which brings us to the topic of Doffy…. I know you've seen my mark by now. You must wonder why I'm closely allied with a Celestial Dragon–another slaver, for that matter.

Law leans against the far door, crossing his arms.

Law

On the contrary... I don't think Celestial Dragons are all bad. Doflamingo is a special case though.

Sanji

Hah! You can say that again.

Are you aware of his SMILE factory?

Law

All too well.

Sanji

Right. The entire span of its outer walls are lined with Seastones. I needed a steady supply of it and I knew Doffy had his sources.

The stone's unusual properties allow my siblings to feel emotions but they're… heavy and awkward. And with all the combat my brothers and sister go through on the regular…

Law

You constantly need them for maintenance… and Doflamingo is milking your every worth.

Sanji nods affirmingly.

Sanji

I need pure condensed ones to make something more compact and permanent but they're extremely rare. I'm not even sure if that Celestial Dragon in Sabaody knew what they were. We've been gathering everything we can find for years, and finally we may have enough after Sabaody.

Doffy said he'd help with the supply of the regular ones while I go find them but he's proven to be… demanding.

Niji

Demanding is an understatement. Also, he's a fuckin’ pervert.

Sanji

Hey, he's my fuckin’ pervert.

Zoro

Curls…

Sanji

Ah, shit. I'm sorry, love. This is going to take some getting used to….

Law

But the other Vinsmokes are already hardwired to obey your commands. That doesn't make sense. Why would you change that and give them emotions? Everything about it benefits you.

Sanji remains quiet. Law speaks after the sudden realisation.

Law

…Because that's not what you want.

Sanji

You're getting it now….

Law

You want them to have a choice.

You want to give them the freedom of will….

Law eyes the helmet tucked under Niji's arm.

Law

Why aren't you wearing it then? I assume it works whenever you put it on. This means you can choose to abandon your Pirate King anytime.

Niji

A tempting idea. Not that I already didn't think about it.

Law

You… choose to stay? You choose to wear it whenever you want, and you decide to stay by his side?

Niji shrugs, his mouth curls a scowl.

Niji

Don't put it like that. You make it sound gross.

I wear it to gain empathy. My brothers and sister wear it for their own reasons. It gives us better judgement when we need to make critical decisions.

Sanji

And Germa thrives for it–thanks to those decisions.

Niji doesn't look him in the eye, but that way he puffs his chest when he's proud of himself happens again very slightly.

Sanji

The helmet's not the prettiest. And it's heavy. They don't have a good quality of life dragging it around, being stuck with it.

Once this is over, I'll take all the condensed Seastones that we have see what we can make of it.

Speaking of, Marimo…please tell me you have them.

They all turn to the swordsman, who procures the bag that Sanji had given him from under his sleeve. The blonde sighs with relief at the sight and takes it, holding the bag close to his chest.

Sanji

Thank you…

Zoro nods in acknowledgement as Sanji secures the bag away in one of the drawers of the end tables next to his bed.

Law

Mr. Prince-ya…

Sanji

Yes...?

Law

You're… surprisingly... not unkind.

Sanji blushes up to his ear. He pulls his blanket up to cover his face.

Sanji

Yeah, well…what good does that do if they're stuck with those ugly things?

Zoro grabs the blonde's hand that's gripping the blanket and pulls it down. He smiles at him with a softened look in his eye, feeling touched by the story.

Zoro

So you are a decent man after all.

Sanji

NO–!

The blonde swings a leg and hits the swordsman at the back of his head. The momentum sends him to fall face first on the tiled floor. Zoro gets up with a furious expression on his face, a tear in his eye and a couple of large bumps on his head.

Zoro

WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT!!!

Sanji gets on his feet, blanket dropping to the floor and begins yelling back while in full nude. A drip of blood flow down his nose.

Sanji

YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT, YOU BASTARD!!

Zoro

WHY DIDN'T YOU HIT TRAFFY TOO?! HE STARTED IT!!!

Law

Don't bring me into this….

Niji

Tch.

Sanji

And what are you tutting about?!

Niji averts his gaze with an unimpressed frown on his face.

Niji

I just find it ironic that the person you decide to be with is a brute with green hair.

Sanji glares at him with a growl at the back of his throat. He stomps towards him, looking like he's about to throw a punch.

Zoro quickly gets up and hoists the naked blonde into his arms.

Sanji

Oi!

Zoro

Don't even think about it. Your feet are fine now but your heart isn't.

Sanji mimics Zoro's last line in a high pitched, mocking voice. The swordsman lays him gently back on his bed, ruffles his hair then proceeds to pick up the blanket to lay it over the blonde after dusting it off.

Niji watches the interaction between the two carefully. He notices their closeness and how they can't seem to let go of each other's hands again when Sanji finally settles in.

The commander reaches under his arm and with one smooth swing, he equips the heavy metal helmet over his head with a ding, covering the entirety of his face but the eyes behind his goggles.

Sanji's eyes widen in horror.

Sanji

That can't be good.

Commander, what are you up to?

Niji keeps his hands on his helmet, staying silent as he's processing information in his head.

Law notices a glint of his eyes behind the lens of his goggles. He thought that he saw a hint of concern on his face but it went as quickly as it came.

The blue-haired commander finally slides his hands off his headwear as he turns to face Sanji. The way he scrunches his face tells the blonde that he's grinning wide behind the metal plate that covered his lower face.

Niji

I think I'll stay, Your Highness.

Sanji

NO.

Zoro and Law

What?!

Niji

Due to recent events, I have come to the conclusion that the best course of action to ensure Our Majesty's survival is to remain at his side for the duration of his trip. At least until you reach Skypiea anyway.

Sanji

FUCK OFF, NIJI!

Law

I don't get a say in this, do I?

Zoro

Calm down, Curls. This isn't good for your heart.

Sanji

He's not good to my heart.

Take it off and go home, Niji.

Niji

Hmm… nah.

Sanji

Nah?!

Niji

You always did say we need to bond more like a proper family.

Niji opens his arms, as if challenging the blonde. Then he speaks mockingly.

Niji

Let's bond, brother.

—

Niji 

What the hell is this?

Sanji has dragged Niji all the way to their shared bunk room where mountains of laundry are scattered throughout the floor, waiting to be folded. Zoro is trying his best not to snicker behind them while the blue-haired man stood still, too stunned at the sight.

Sanji

Bonding. This is bonding.

Niji

This is not–

The blonde pushes the blue-haired man into the room.

Sanji

If you're going to stay here, you have to make yourself useful.

Niji

This is servant stuff!

Sanji hurdles over a couple of piles to get to their wardrobe. When he does, he strips off his borrowed hospital gown and starts putting on his casual wear.

Sanji

Yes, you're right. And I hate to break it to you but… you are one.

Niji

I'm a prince!

Sanji smirks as he pats himself down, satisfied with his choice of clothing.

Sanji

And I'm a king and yet, here we are. Stay here, and get some headway.

Keep Penguin's stuff close to the door in case he runs in looking for clothes post-shower again, otherwise everything else gets wet. It's the one with the penguin doodle on the inside collar. Shachi’s ones have shorter sleeves than the rest. Ikkaku’s has a smaller cut overall but sometimes I get it mixed up with Hakugan’s….

To Zoro's amusement, Sanji goes on a long list of do’s and don'ts for each and every one of the Heart Pirates clothes, overwhelming the blue-haired commander.

Niji 

This is bullshit. You're just making this up. There's no way you remember that for all twenty of them.

Zoro

No, he's actually pretty spot on. Also, there's twenty-one. Law's too shy to ask so he sneaks in his stuff in the middle of the night. It should be around here somewhere….

Sanji

Watch the feathers on one of his coats! Don't ruffle it up or it will lose its natural shape.

Let's go, Marimo.

Niji

Wait–where are you going?

Sanji quickly grabs Zoro's hand and rushes out the door.

Sanji

Uh–king business! Very busy. Don't follow!

Niji

Fuckin’ hell, San–

The door slams close behind them.

Little did Zoro know that he was about to have the best sex of his life.

—

Thanks to the collective power and experience of the passengers aboard the Polar Tang, the Heart Pirates and their guests are an unstoppable force. They travelled through the Grand Line and covered almost half of the world in the matter of weeks as opposed to years. They dove deep underwater for any potential threat that they wanted to avoid, and having Niji onboard meant that they had eyes and a driving force in the skies whenever they needed it.

There were a couple of reports from the blue-haired commander that Law had stowed away in his memory banks to worry about later. The first one being the sighting of Kaidou’s forces nearby. He wonders what business they possibly could have all the way in the Grand Line.

Secondly, something has upset the merfolk. Whatever it is, Niji reported that fleets of Prince Fukaboshi’s army can be seen on the move from afar. Law makes an effort to keep their sub at a distance so as to not get caught up in their affairs.

The doctor also noticed that the blonde especially took interest in the latter, asking if there's a sighting of the mermaid prince himself but his brother came back without good news for him.

—

They reach the boundaries of the island Jaya at high noon. The Pirate King insists not to step foot inside its village of Mock Town as Doflamingo is known to have men in the area. As per agreement of their alliance, Sanji is not allowed to send his own men or any one of his associates in his territory unless the tall Warlord is notified in advance. Naturally, the blonde didn't care much about it and tells everyone that they can get on the island if they want as long as they don't get seen.

With that information, Law decides to skirt the ship around and dock at the other more isolated side of the island, away from prying eyes, in the boundaries of South Grove.

Once settled, they stretch their legs and sunbathe on the deck for a while until Law orders his men to forage in the forest or fish in the waters to stock up ahead on food, warning them to stay away from the town that Sanji had mentioned earlier.

Law

And try not to show up in the news this time, will you?

Law singles out Sanji, looming over him as the blonde relaxed on his sun lounge chair in his swim trunks. Zoro is laid on the floor beside him.

Sanji

Don't tempt me, Traffy-kun.

Law

It's “Trafalgar.”

Zoro

Traffy, can you stop telling him what to do? This is how it started last time.

Niji

So you're to blame for that, huh?

Law

ACK–

The Heart Pirates all boo in unison, telling off their own captain–all demanding to be left alone, including their favourite Chore Boy, accusing him of overworking everyone and for being too strict.

Law throws a venomous glare at Sanji.

Law

This is mutiny! You've rallied my own men against me. Are you happy?

Sanji giggles, covering his mouth with the back of his hand, leaving Law to walk off grumpily and scout ahead in the forest with a handful of his crew.

Zoro sits up from the floor and leans an arm on Sanji's lounge chair.

Zoro

I'm getting some beer. Need anything?

Sanji plays with his goatee, then smirks, placing his hands back behind his head and closing his eyes for a quick snooze.

Sanji

Would you be so kind as to get me a glass of Pina Colada? I premixed some earlier today. Should be in the fridge.

Zoro

Do you want just a glass for yourself?

…Or the whole jug?

The swordsman gives him a smirk, emphasizing the last word in that sentence.

Sanji snaps his eyes open at the idea, then gazes to the side and sees Penguin and Shachi already looking at them while they fish together by the railing. They grin widely and give them the shaka sign.

Sanji

Fuck yeah. Get the jug.

—

Zoro makes his way down to the kitchen to do exactly that. He knows that the blonde likes making stuff pretty, so he makes an extra effort to garnish the drink with a small umbrella and a slice of lime on the side of the glass. It takes a lot longer than he anticipated but he wanted to get this right to impress him.

There's a sudden nagging sensation somewhere behind him–he senses danger and it’s aiming for his head. In one smooth motion, he spins, safely placing the cocktail on the counter with one hand and whips Wado out from its sheath with the other, blocking the oncoming sword attack just in time.

Niji

You know, I’ve just had enough waiting for the right moment when you’re not snogging each other.

As the blue-haired man spoke, their blades shook and rattled from the constant push against one another. Zoro hovers his now free hand over one of his other swords, readying himself to deliver a counter attack.

Niji reads his movement ahead of him and swipes a low spinning kick against the swordsman's ankle. He doesn't realise that he misses until he sees a shadow above him where Zoro had flipped overhead with ease to dodge his attack.

Zoro

What's your problem?

He unsheathes a second blade at the moment he lands on the ground. He stands firm with a basic stance.

Niji

You are, Demon Warlord.

Bending low, Niji stomps on one leg, creating a powerful surge of electricity from the base of his foot. As it spreads up to his thigh, Zoro's hair on his entire body stands on end and the lights throughout the Polar Tang flicker.

When the room dims for a few milliseconds, the blue-haired man disappears from sight.

The swordsman crosses his swords over his chest to block, and receives a powerful electrical kick at the X of his blades, barely seeing the other man’s movements. Zoro holds his body firm but the momentum sends his feet sliding until his back hits the wall.

Niji jumps and raises his own sword high above his head to bring it down on him.

Before the blade collides with his head, Zoro pushes himself off the wall and uses his own forehead to hit Niji square on his face. The man’s thick helmet bends at the mouth plate then shatters from the stress. Zoro's direct hit fractures both lenses of his goggles and breaks his nose.

The blue-haired commander staggers back but manages to regain his balance. The two straighten up almost at the same time. Niji cracks his neck, then removes broken off pieces of his helmet from his face with his free hand. He grabs the broken bridge of his nose to force it back into place with a loud snap, then spits out leftover blood from his mouth.

Zoro stood expressionless as blood trickled down his face from his forehead.

Zoro

Tough one, aren't you?

Niji

And I thought you'd be stronger.

They exchange another round of hits. This time, it felt more methodical to the swordsman, like he was being studied.

At one point, the aftershock from one of Niji’s kicks nearly tips Sanji’s drink off the counter. As if they had an unspoken agreement, they pause the fight so the blue-haired commander can catch the glass just in time before it falls off. They continue their barrage of attacks then.

Zoro

Enough of this.

The swordsman bites down Wado, enabling him to unsheathe a third sword.

Niji

That's more like it–!

Before Niji could finish speaking his thoughts, Zoro is suddenly in front of him.

Niji

What the–

The swordsman disarms the commander with one sweep of his blades. Without giving the other man much of a chance to counter, Zoro brings his swords across all together to deliver a powerful push, sending the other man flying to the far end of the room, damaging kitchen furnishings along the way.

Niji crashes against the wall with a choked grunt but doesn't fall on the ground. Instead, he catches himself on his knees, wheezing after getting the wind from his lungs drawn out of him.

Zoro

Ready to use your words?

Zoro approaches the man and points the tip of one sword to his neck.

Zoro

Or are you going to give me a reason to kill you?

Niji smirks, then slaps Zoro's sword away from his face casually.

Niji

You couldn't, even if you tried.

Zoro

I would have sooner if you had ruined Curly’s drink.

Niji

Trust me, I'm not the one who ruined it.

Zoro

What the fuck are you talking about?

Niji pushes himself up, swiping a leg at Zoro's direction.

Not wanting to do any more damage to the kitchen than he already has, the swordsman jumps back to avoid the hit.

Zoro

Seriously?! What is your problem?

Niji

My sources are right. You're not that bright, are you?

Zoro

Excuse me?

Niji walks to pick up his sword from the floor. He gives it a suave swing in the air and points the tip at Zoro's direction.

Niji

You actively sought out to kill our king for more than twenty years. And the next thing I know, he's involved himself with you? What a fucking joke. 

You may have seduced our brother, but I'm not buying that shit, Warlord. What's your game here?

Zoro's eyebrows furrow at that. Of course Sanji’s family is protective of him. He takes a moment to think about his next move, then finally he makes a decision. He eases his stance and throws down all of his swords between him and Niji.

Niji tips his head up slightly at the gesture. He takes a step forward, charging a ball of electricity in the claw of his hand, then lunges at Zoro.

The swordsman closes his eye and keeps his arms down.

The air suddenly stills. And everything was quiet.

When Zoro opens his eye, he sees the commander's hand hovering just an inch from his face, the electrical surge gone from it.

Niji

Tch. This is just boring now.

Niji puts his sword away then turns to walk to the kitchen sink. He digs through one of the broken cupboards and fishes out a dishtowel which he throws to Zoro who catches it.

The blue-haired commander runs his own towel through the water then cleans himself with it, including the blood off his face. Afterwards, he abandons the cloth on the floor. Without turning to face the other man, he speaks.

Niji

Tell me, swordsman, what are your intentions with my brother?

Zoro's eye narrows as he wipes the blood from his forehead with the cloth.

Zoro

We don't need your blessing to do what we want to do.

As they talk, Niji begins to open cupboards, taking out a chopping board and a knife. He begins to work on something that's out of Zoro's line of sight as his body is in the way.

Niji

Really now? Did he say that?

Zoro

Not exactly. But knowing him, he'll just do whatever the hell he wants to do.

Niji pauses his movements for a second, then continues with his work.

Niji

Do you really think you know who he is and what he’s like?

Zoro

We have known each other for a long time, we've been travelling together for months since Law sought us out, and you know that we're… involved.

Niji

Yes… I am well aware.

Zoro

So what's your problem?

Zoro hears a bang and a squelch from the kitchen counter. Niji gives the knife a spin in his hand then stabs the chopping board with it, leaving the knife sticking out. He turns to face the swordsman.

Niji

If you truly know him that well, then tell me, Roronoa Zoro….

Niji emphasized his name as he pushed himself off the counter. He approaches Zoro slowly and stops just a step away from him.

Niji

What’s his name?

Zoro frowns at that question. He opens his mouth to respond immediately as if it has an obvious answer, but then he slowly realises that it doesn't. He digs through his memories–the blonde’s Marine file that he's read and made reports for a thousand times, their time spent together travelling, and all the instances when they've fought, fucked or both–and come out with nothing. He can’t recall a time when he’d used his first name or learned it. All he remembers is a list of nicknames and titles that he and other people have given him, and that his family name is Vinsmoke. 

There and then, the swordsman starts questioning if that even is the case.

Niji tilts his head slightly, waiting for an answer. Zoro sees a glint of deep blue eyes glaring down on him. The other man looked unimpressed. With a lick of his lips, he finally breaks the silence.

Niji

Let’s reiterate what you said, shall we?

You have known each other for a long time. You have been travelling together for months since the doctor sought you out. And now, you’re apparently… “involved”.

Did you ask him even once about it? It seems like a simple question that you ask everyone.

Zoro

I…

Nothing. The swordsman had no good reason to justify why he hadn't asked the blonde for his name.

Niji

Your silence is reassuring.

Do you know why you don’t know his name?

Zoro remains quiet, already feeling berated and extremely guilty.

Niji takes another looming step closer, nearly closing the gap between them. He hovers his angry face in front of his.

Niji

Because, all these years, you either don’t care or he doesn’t trust you enough with it.

Which one is worse, do you think?

The swordsman doesn’t have any good answers to that question.

Niji takes a moment to read Zoro’s defeated face.

Niji

I think I’ve figured it out. It's both. You do care. But mostly, just for yourself.

The blue-haired man stomps to where Zoro had made Sanji’s cocktail. He grabs the drink and downs it in a couple of big gulps.

Zoro

Oi!

Niji wipes his mouth with the back of his hand then steals a fresh glass from the station. He begins to busy himself around the kitchen.

Niji

If he hasn’t given you his real name, then I wouldn’t bother too much, Warlord. You’re nothing but a phase to him. Eventually, he’ll get bored and find a new plaything. Unless you get lucky or have something more to offer like Doflamingo. Once he’s had his fill, he’s not going back for more.

When he turns around, he holds a fresh, more presentable Pina Colada in his hand garnished with pineapple fruit, its leaves and a single piece of cherry on top. It even has a matching straw that complemented the tiny umbrella. The drink has a nice amount of crushed ice in it too. Overall, it’s much better looking than the one that the swordsman made earlier. Niji approaches Zoro and hands it to him. Reluctantly, he takes it.

Niji

This is a warning for your own sake, Demon Warlord. I frankly don’t give a shit what he does to you. You could die in a hole for all I care. But if you hurt even a single strand of his hair, I will personally come down to your doorstep, pull each and every one of your fingernails and teeth, then shove your own balls into your mouth. That’s assuming you actually survive me beating the living shit out of you first.

At that, Niji walks off, leaving a stunned swordsman in the middle of the wrecked kitchen and a fancy drink in his hand.

After a moment of silence, Zoro takes a deep breath.

Zoro

…You can come out now, Bepo.

Bepo opens the pantry door where he had wedged himself in. He looks shaken.

Zoro

You uh… are you okay?

Bepo

You guys are scary when you fight….

—

Zoro finally re-emerges on the deck of the ship with a cocktail in his hand and a jug of premixed Pina Colada in another. Bepo followed closely behind him holding a bunch of glasses in a tray.

Sanji

Took you long enough! Did you get lost in the ship again, Marimo-kun?

Laughing, the blonde sits up and gives them a cheerful smile. When he sees Zoro and Bepo’s faces, his expression drops.

Sanji

What’s wrong? You two look like someone died.

Zoro sets the jug down under the shade of Sanji’s sun umbrella, following Bepo with the glasses. The swordsman bends down in front of the blonde, forcing a smile, offering him the drink that he could have made himself.

Zoro

Nothing happened. Just a little accident in the kitchen. It just took a bit longer to clean, that’s all. 

Sanji

Wait, is that for me? How did you know to put it together exactly how I like it?! It looks perfect, thank you!

Sanji grabs the cocktail from Zoro’s hand and gives his cheek a long loud smooch. He returns to sunbathing in the sun lounge chair and happily drinks from the glass. He hums in satisfaction.

After seeing their arrival, the remaining Heart Pirates onboard cluster around them and start asking if they can have some. Sanji waves them to form a line and wait for the swordsman to prep the drinks.

Sanji

Well, whatever it is, if this what came out of there, I say it was worth the trouble.

Zoro works quietly as he tries to get his head back to how it was earlier that day, only to find that he can’t shake Niji’s words off his head. He busies his hands, but not before realising that the blue-haired commander is sitting on the roof of the upper levels of the sub. It looks like he's fixed his broken goggles but he's still sporting the heavy fractured helmet on his head as he watched them closely.

Sanji

Did you get your beer?

Zoro

…Shit.

—

Law stood in the middle of the Polar Tang’s wrecked kitchen, his eyes dark behind the shade of his spotted cap. His knuckles turn white from gripping the sheath of his sword too tight.

Everyone stood behind him near the door to make a quick escape should they need to. Zoro and Niji are at opposite sides of the room after seemingly having an unspoken agreement to keep things quiet after their fight. Bepo looked nervously left and right between them.

Law

I was only gone for an hour….

The tone of Law’s voice sends chills up the Heart Pirates’ spines.

Law turns abruptly and looks at Bepo face to face.

The polar bear freaks and screams. He jumps back to hide behind Sanji, who is the next victim of Law’s hard stare.

Law

I come back… to find everyone tipsy drunk… and my kitchen in disarray….

Sanji

Don’t look at me! I haven’t stepped foot in here since breakfast!

There was a moment of silence. Law takes a step forward. Bepo visibly shakes from fear.

Zoro

It was me.

Everyone turns to the swordsman who’s currently busy digging into his ear with his pinky. Niji watches him straight-faced.

Zoro flicks the dirt from his finger, crosses his arms then looks at Law properly.

Zoro

I tried to make Pina Colada for Curls.

All eyes bore on him. Some looked at him in confusion, some started snickering and Bepo felt relieved to not need to confess anything to his captain. Niji huffs quietly, looking away.

Sanji scans the room, trying to picture the scene that unfolded.

Sanji

Oh, Mellorine…. This is not how you make a drink….

Zoro is banned from the kitchen from that day on.

----------

I'm going through some design reiterations for the Vinsmoke helmets now that the story's more fleshed out and I have a better idea of how they serve the story. I'm thinking, if Sanji's is making them them and his siblings have a say about the heavy things, they'd actually put some effort in making it look cool, and potentially add some extra mods on them. The new designs are meant to really show that Sanji respects and trusts them as his best and highest ranking officers.

[fireboltcrystal]

The Mishandling of Varric Tethras

How Dragon Age: The Veilguard utilized a fan favorite, only for the worst....

Just a little bit more salt. I wasn’t initially going to post anything else, but I kept thinking about all the things that have frustrated me about vg. & the one that just keeps driving me insane, is how Bioware treated and used Varric in The Veilguard. I just wanted to expand/rant a little more about my disappointment and disgust. Both in what was done to Varric and how it shows off the cracks in vg’s understanding (lack) of characterization.

WARING, SALT, BASIC CRITIQUE, WITH BIOWARE/VG BASHING + IT’S LONGER THAN I INTENDED, SORRY)

~

For consideration; first I admit fully I did not play The Veilguard, I watched a friend who is also a fan, play the game from beginning to end, alongside watching others live-stream the game. Re-watching clips and reading story summaries for clarification.

I’m not a lore expert by any means, I will occasionally investigate other parts of the series for fun. But I mostly know about the series from playing the games. Extend universe is fun but should not be necessary. Plus, I should not have to pay potentially $100+ for a game and its extended universe of comics and novels, just to talk about my opinion on disappointing story aspects.

Second, I’m not a professional or semi-professional writer. So, pardon for any mistakes.

Third, Varric Tethras is my favorite character of the Dragon Age series. My bias will be on full display.

Does this all mater, no but I want to be honest just in case other fans find this and think I am trying to ‘stir the pot’ and make people who were somehow able to enjoy vg sad.

Truthfully, I do not care if anyone reads this. I just needed to compartmentalize my feelings beyond trying to only ignore and move on. Also, if you do not like Varric, fine but please don’t waste your time commenting on how you hate him. It is annoying and pointless. I do not care, have a nice day, anyways.

Character Background:

(feel free to skip to the next part, if you don’t want a refresher)

From the song 'Companions',

Varric charms with clever words

Vender of exotic goods

Writer of salacious books

A rogue, a dwarf with ragged looks

Varric Tethras is the rouge, dwarven companion of da2 and dai. Second son and first of his family to be born on the surface. Scion of House Tethras, which once held prominence in the underground kingdom of Orzammar. Which now resides in the Free Marches, city state of Kirkwall after scandal had the family banished. Though Varric does not come off as really interested in the traditions of his family’s homeland or following heavily in the faith of ‘The Stone’.

He is ironically a deeply ‘human’ character; as cunning as he is compassionate. A merchant prince with a decent ‘spy network’ (though has a difficult time not being worried about his agents). Known for wielding his signature crossbow, named Bianca; he clashes with his elder brother Bartrand and the Dwarven Merchants guild and holds a substantial tab at the “The Hanged Man” tavern. He also to extent is Andrastian, though not as pious that is traditionally acceptable. He frames it more so as enjoying an ‘great story’. But he does speak on the life of prophet, Andraste with far more understanding than even some of the most faithful characters can. Could it just be storytellers’ intuition or maybe more…

Segway into the fact that he is also a serial novelist, who writes everything from crime dramas, epics, to romances novels. He is a deeply ‘romantic’ person, loyal to friends and those he loves, at a times to a fault. Varric is a self-described liar but it never feels deeply malicious. Only as way of obfuscating when dealing with painful memories, hiding info to protect his friends from and to optimally fuck with the Chantry. His friendship with Hawke, is so close to point that he was willing to lie to the Chantry guard, and put his life and freedom on the line to protect them.

Another major example would be in his tempestuous relationship, with Bianca Davri; a dwarven engineer of tremendous skill. Though we do not get all the details as it is part of the Bianca, the crossbows naming, ‘the one story he will never tell’.

What we do get is a very complicated affair. Were the two honestly should and in some parts have already moved on from each other. It is mature, messy, and shows a flaw in his character; that though he lives in the present, he can be weighed down by his past mistakes.

-

Game-wise, in da2 he is the unreliable narrator for the story of Hawke and a rouge companion. As his background as a storyteller, he spins a yarn to Seeker Casandra Pentaghast, about the Champion of Kirkwall. Along with has a part in the main quest that ties into his relationship and ultimate the fate of his brother, Bartand. He can potentially become either a best friend or a rival to Hawke.

In dai he is again a rouge companion, initially ‘arrested’ by the Chantry, he joins the Inquisition to help save Thedas. He has a substantial role in the story; he acts as a re-introduction to Hawke (and can affected by their potential fate later in the story) and the main antagonist, Corypheus (featured in da2 dlc). Along with he is a first-hand witness to the dangers and damage red lyrium can cause. This also includes a connecting quest to destroy lyruim deposits, to which we can even finally meet the mysterious Bianca herself. He can become another friend with high approval or he can become disillusioned with the Inquisitor if low.

In Trespasser/post-game, we learn that he has been chosen to become the Viscount of Kirkwall and though the job drives him nuts; he shows a genuine zeal for the position. In the both the power he utilizes to make genuine changes for the city that he loves and to abuse it, as an excuse to give his friends ‘free shit’. Including bestowing the Inquisitor a title, estate, and key to the city (or mechanism to control the giant-ass chains lol).

~

Quick moment of positivity before vg proper, I will say I think Varric’s new design works for an older interpretation of the marksman. He has his fundamental details, the leather coat, ring necklace, obvious flash of chest hair and of course crossbow Bianca. But the new additions like the Inquisition belt buckle and the three, crossed facial scars are nice touches to his look. Minor criticism, a little confused at hair color change, but hair can turn darker as one ages, and the gray does look great on him. A little less okay with is the beard, in part since Varric known to be indifferent to the traditions of Orzammar, like having a longer beard. Prior games his face is shaven or with very faint scruff. But I can also see it as him leaving it to the way side during the hunt for Solas. Also, he is missing his three earrings, Bioware what did you do with the man’s jewelry!

VG Prologue:

Varric’s introduction in the game starts at the beginning of new protagonists Rook. In a nameless bar in Minathous. Rook can choose to react with wordplay or violence. After which Varric, chilling out in corner (which he should, let that old dwarven man rest!) comments on how Rook handled themselves in the standoff/scuffle and how they are his second in command (woof sheesh, tough break Harding). Without any time to spare they are off to find their contact.

Fist off: The bond that Rook and Varric have; is that there's kinda isn't. Normally a player is introduced to character and we naturally grow interest with them, through game play and conversation.

But in vg there is no built up, it’s all a preset relationship. “I know your can do this, you’re the best, Kid,” blah blah. Other than a few half-baked dialogue choices that pretty amount to nothing. There is no moment to talk with him, ask him questions beyond getting the main story into motion (all go, go, go find this person, here, that, there & etc.).

Something separate I bring up, not only to Varric and Rooks ‘relationship’. But an issue that I could have actually help (a little bit) of vg’s starting issues.

Why the fuck are the devs. so terrified of the original Origins.

Because this is the game that probably needed those kinds of intros back, more than ever. Be it for players returning (or first introductions) to the world of Thedas. & no, the half-baked, faction summaries are not enough when most of them barely factor into how you build and detail out your background. Some factions like the Shadow Dragons get just a few scraps to role-play or as everyone I have seen and spoken to has said that the Lord of Fortunes might as well have been cut completely, there is so little.

It feels so hollow to have hardly any dialogue choices to help flesh out Rook as a different character. Instead, they are a carbon copy personality dumpster fire, bland in a way a single-cell hero could be. Quippy and Inhuman.

Now back to Varric; how in the world do they know each other, why did they join in with the Inquisition or what remained of it, how did Varric end up deciding on a chess themed nickname, all these question & more could have been answered with a character Origin! *hooray* (Wow, look at that!)

In this have Varric play the role of recruiter like Duncan. He will meet the players, intro into combat, have quick convos on what the hell is going on, speak to the people and to show off a part of the world.

But in this case to create the foundational bond between the new player character and now mentor, Varric. So that if there are any dramas moments, the player will actually feel, if or when an npc is in peril…

But instead, the dev. team opted to just simply have Varric already know Rook, no build up required. Just a pre-established association with no real input from the player. Which creates a disconnect, new players are not going to automatically know who the hell Varric is. Most will just roll with it, so to finally get to the game proper, but it will not add up down the line…

For returning players, the writers did something kind of nasty on reflection; they used our nostalgia to do the heavy lifting of character development. We do not get to know Varric as a new person, just as extended cameo (which happens to other characters in vg). That one we are only able to understand because of playing the previous games, who though had their own development woes, still had developers with their priorities straight when creating them, its world, and its characters.

So if you are not a fan or feel neutral about Varric. Rook has a casual-esq working relationship with him. Clean, bland, sanitized (like the rest of the game).

But if you are a fan of him, it ends up feeling like an old friend you have lost contact with and now you have become different person (literally) but with the nostalgia strangling you. Varric feels slightly the same, but older, exhausted and one who’s writers should have let gently retire years ago…

It feels sad and lackluster in comparison to how full and interesting his prior introductions were.

Da2 had two Varric intros; first with his arrest and interrogation, he becomes the narrator of the game, though under distress. It creates mystery, why is this guy being dragged around though a dungeon, what has he done, does he know something, or maybe someone…

But in-game proper, after Hawke’s failed meeting with Bartrand. Varric stops a pickpocket from running off with Hawke’s stolen coin purse, he lands a bolt into the thief, taking back the money, punching them out for the trouble and returning the coins with a flourish. They talk about his brother and their plans to venture into the Deep Roads for fame, glory but money for profit.

You get a little taste of both points, Varric brought low and also at the top of his game.

In dai slightly similar but without the framing device, Varric is fighting alongside Solas (oh we will get to you). & after sealing the tear, Varric introduces himself, there is even a dialogue choice where he compares himself to us as we are both technically prisoners to the Chantry, though his arrest by Cassandra is kind of null after the explosion. It helps build a link between him and the prisoner, later Inquisitor. For new players, you get to see peak Varric charm. But also perfect for old players ready to bond with him again, after so long and to a forge a connection with a brand-new protag.

With this we not only see that Varric still has his wicked charm, but that others also react to it, Solas chuckles (heh) with a snide remark, when we say we are pleased to meet him and Cassandra’s frustration at his arrogant charisma is so endearing, for both characters. (Cassandra and Varric, have genuinely some of the best character interactions of the entire series, I will fight anyone on that).

~

Moving ahead since more of the dialogue after meeting Harding and Neve, is mainly, taking about state of Minrathous and needing to stop Solas. We reach the ritual site in the Arlathan forest... Before confronting the Dreadwolf, can either choose to support or convince against Varric talking Solas down. Regardless of choice, he still goes on head.

Varric is a man whose friends have become his family. He feels that he must try at the very least talk with Solas. Though it does go against his reactions to Solas being an agent of Fen'Harel; back in Trespasser (but I think the team kind of forgot most of the character motivations they established…).

Regardless Varric confronts Solas while the team try to stop the ritual and hold off the demons. Though I hate the result, I kind of liked the scene at first, Varric’s cheeky grin calling Solas, ‘Chuckles’ was a great touch. Especially since the two did have slight back and forth friendship in dai.

& the reaction Solas has when he sees Varric is excellent, first annoyance at who would dare distract him, then shock with a little bit of sadness when it sees who it is, but then returns into haughty determination.

But I think this is indicative how better the characters of the prior games and the weight of established relationships are from this scene. Like if Veilguard is your first game in the series, this entire scene means practically nothing other than, a super intense moment between ex-friends (where the world is at stake).

But gravitas of these two characters, the performances of their actors and the tiny shred of decent writing. Probably tricks a lot of newcomers into thinking this will be a far deeper story than it actually is…

So, after a back-and-forth, Solas will not see reason and Varric aims Bianca and Solas destroys the crossbow (I’m still devastated at the loss of such an iconic weapon). During which the ritual is disrupted, Varric attempts to stop it further by attempting to grab the ritual dagger from Solas’s, in turn Solas stabs Varric. He falls, and we are uncertain of his fate. Ancient elves Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan escape the fade and Rook loses consciousness.

The Rest of the Game:

After the ritual Rook awakens in the Lighthouse, to see a bandaged-up Varric. He looks awful and is noticeably in pain. But something is bizarre, something doesn’t seem right, his tone is off, it’s unnatural.

Other companions, seem to speak or react to him. I kept thinking why doesn't any look at him. No scenes of characters visiting him, to see how he's feeling. Nothing.

Let me tell you before I learned the truth, I was so fucking relieved to see he was alive. After all the dodgy trailers, on which Bianca being destroyed. I was just so happy to see him alive, that I didn’t see the signs. I thought maybe we would check in on him over time and watch him heal. Maybe there would be point before the end where we see him hang up his leather duster and return to Kirkwall as Viscount accepting that his adventuring days are at end. & in turn pass on the mantle of leadership to this current party. For Rook to step out and up as the new protagonist… But we will get to the full truth later.

So from now till the end Varric has two functions in vg: narrator again, but without the same wit or gravitas of da2.

& sort of back seat hype man, he is mainly resting in a dark corner of the new base, the Lighthouse. His conversations are essentially recaps of main quests, occasional references to the prior games, what the dev. team must have thought were oh so clever hints to Varric’s death (as clever as a cinder block) and then pseudo-HR training about how “Rook is the leader, and you are a part of team, and you got to work together,” yada yada…

Ultimately meaningless moments, awkward and stilled, hamstrung by vg’s blunt force repetitive dialogue.

Now to his final part in this story, close to end game Rook is trapped in a fade prison by Solas (who fell for the dumbest trick, who also can be tricked in return, wtf) they are confronted by companion(s) that were killed during a prior quest.

And here is the big revel, that Varric had died after being stabbed by Solas at the beginning of the game.

The real Varric died at the ritual site…

So, anytime that Rook spoke to him, it was not actually Varric the man, the dwarf, the living person.

Honestly, I do not know entirely what was talking to Rook.

At first, I thought he was illusion created by Solas to fuck with Rook. Maybe a shade made from a spirit (like dai where a spirit &/or Divine Justinia helps the Inquisitor). Or more likely a figment created by Rook from their repressed grief after Varric was murdered. (Honestly this is all embarrassing, like who ever wrote this, along with anyone else who let it go to print should be ashamed of themselves and then fire their therapist...)

They have an awkward come to Jesus’ moment about accepting grief (um, ok) and a stilted, rushed good bye.

(Oh and there is one moment right before the end credits where Varric appears in the clouds like he’s Mufasa or something idk; just a final slap in face before game ushers you out the door.)

~

Final Feelings and Frustrations:

So most of his inclusion of the game was not even but a hallucination, a mere idealistic interpretation of him, always supportive, always accepting, and empty.

A fandoms interpretation, a wasteful dev. teams idea.

Used as ‘character development’ for a mediocre protagonist.

Rook is as heroic as wet rag and as interesting as a rubber dumbbell.

What a tragic waste of one of the series most iconic characters…

-

Varric being killed off and used a lesson in accepting grief, was one of the most meaningless acts of literal character assassination and emotional manipulation I have ever seen a team of writers pull in some fucking time.

I would not be surprised if that was Bioware's excuse for not wanting to write anything more complicated or interesting. That they only did it for a cheap cameo and had Varric be a sacrificial lamb to create ‘tension’ between Rook and Solas.

Which can I just say for a dev. team as notoriously ‘chronically online’, the fact that they couldn’t see how a loud subset of the fandom, who are willing to forgive literally any if not all of Solas’s actions, including being involved in the death Varric, another fan favorite, is cosmically laughable.

Solas’s could turn an entire box of puppies to stone and he would be forgiven at large; esp. if it was framed as him doing it for the sake of the Elvhenan. Like please be real Bioware, you made a sympathetic villain. Fucking own up to it, you guys could not have been this delusional (though your interviews do say otherwise).

It is sooo bizarre, like does this current team even like these characters (the series even), supposedly in the development in the prior games, Varric was constantly being talked about like his time was up (like why, you made him a charming fella, what are players supposed to do, not want to friends with the guy!). They even had very early ideas for a dlc where you could romance him (I will morn this loss forever), but that he would potentially die at the end… (fml)

Hell, even Solas in this game; that was once titled as ‘Dreadwolf’. has this constant feeling from the writing that the team both adores him but also fucking hates him. Like, “Please keep talking bald elf man you have so many fans willing to pay full retail price; but also shut the hell up and begone to the shadow dimension!”

I mean, I am not a huge fan of Solas personally, but I am genuinely surprised at how many of his actual fans could be okay with Bioware’s meager crumbs. (idk toxic positivity, maybe sunk cost fallacy)

Like at one point this guy was THE main antagonist and beyond! Elven spies, manipulating nations, sowing discord to the create the perfect environment to tear down the Veil! But nope, just nothing really. Stuck in the Fade, being a big sad boy.

Strikingly bland here, esp. in comparison to the real intensity brought forth at the end of Trespasser.

[Bonus: After her threat in dai, I would not be surprised if Bianca found a way of going into the fade just so she could beat the ever-loving shit out of Solas (and all Inquisitors) for getting Varric killed.]

~

An Idea for a Thematic Polarity:

Of clinging to the nostalgic past, how to accept a conflicted present & to move forward into an uncertain future.

Solas is a person fixated on the ideal of a post-Elvenuris past. A past that never actually came to be and desires to bring it to fruition, even if means potentially destroying world. He even dissociates from the people of the ‘Dragon Age’ because, he cannot visualize them a fully fledge people. This can change, but he still goes for it. He knows there will untold death and destruction, but refuses to let go of the world before. In a better written story, he could’ve still becoming one with the Veil. After further being confronted by the reality that you cannot return the past, not like it once was. But let go for the sake of protecting those who live here and now, to go on, learn the past and make a better world for everyone.

Varric also clings to the past; even his place as a storyteller is him dramatizing, sensationalizing events, real or otherwise. He glosses over painful memories, adjusts for the audience (but mostly himself). But he is also a man who has not abandoned the present or even the future. He lives still gathering info. for his next bestseller. He is deeply conserved for the living; friends, citizens of Kirkwall and beyond. And if there is nothing to be done, we might as well take a break for now and play a round of Wicked Grace.

The team could have done things much different in the finale to Varric. They could have Varric be (actually) injured during the ritual. After which he decides to retire, he is not getting any younger and returns to Kirkwall as Viscount. Passing the torch to the next generation of heroes and storytellers.

He has sort of given up on Solas, not his friend, (he will always care about his friends) but in the hunting of the Dreadwolf, the two Elven ‘gods’ and their double-Bight. He could continue working to make Kirkwall into a bastion of the Free Marches, improving the lives of the citizens and the city he takes so much pride in.

(well ignoring the destruction of Southern Thedas, god so pointless and vindictive on the part of the devs…)

He could have still been the narrator but from a tangible distance. Only retelling it from second hand accounts, etc.

Or maybe just a lore drop, a supportive letter that finds it's way to Rook with some words of encouragement.

But all that is for head-cannons, fanfictions and fan art.

~

So with that, moving forward I think I am going to be a little of both, I will go into the future, beyond the disappointments of Bioware and The Veilguard. To different studios and new series.

But I will still continue to always love and enjoy, Varric Tethras and the Dragon Age Trilogy.

Thank you very much, either to the void or to any one for taking the time to read this mess.

[kbagraces]

Give me Love - LN4 PART2

Lando Norris x fwb!Reader

summary: in his previous relationships he couldn’t protect them from the backlash of simply being with him. but will protecting only end up hurting you?

(not proof read)

Rain or Shine

loosely based off ROS by mac miller

‘Just wanna ask a question umm, have you, have you, have you ever been in love before?’

Lando found himself lost without you. That saying where you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone never read more true to him. He hated how he left you there at the cafe. He knew throughout your relationship together all you wanted was to be fought for. With him leaving like that, he confirmed every doubt you ever had in him.

His season continued at its slow pace, McLaren were disappointed with his lack of performance, especially since he was on fire in the beggining of the season, when he was with you.

He spent his post season down time keeping tabs on your social media, daily pictures of your cafe kept him in the loop. Dan would often make an appearance in the background of some. A presence he chose to ignore.

Lando had never felt so insecure of himself. He was so sure that keeping you at a distance when you shared those two years together was best for the both of you. But now, being on the sidelines, watching you live your life from afar hurt him. He loved you and he never got the chance to tell you. He never uttered those words to you before.

‘You should probably take your heels off, ‘cause you've been running through my mind’

He remembered when you said it to him the first time, a year into your semi-relationship, you said it so causally, but the way you said it, captured him by the heart, he was yours in soul but he was too cowardly to be all for you.

He still lived in the UK at the time and you’d wandered into his house on a cold December evening after work, kicking off your shoes at his doorstep. He didn’t hear you come in but he remembers how he screeched as you walked in on him wrapping up your Christmas presents.

He was so upset that you’d caught a glimpse of his surprise for you. You begged and begged for him to let you open them early, you knew what most of them were. He gave in saying you could open the smallest one, he rambled on as you opened it saying it was supposed to be a stocking filler.

You held in your palm a mintiture McLaren racecar, it was decorated with the chrome comeback livery. A nod to your support as you attended the British Grand Prix.

Your grin was wide, the Cheshire Cat would be jealous, “as we’re not together for Christmas I thought you could at least have a mini me around.”

“Oh my god. I love you. You’re adorable, this is adorable.”

You had said it so causally. He liked that, he liked that you never asked him to say it back, he wanted to so many times, but he never did. And now he was living with that regret.

He reminisced on every moment he had with you, every little thing reminded him of you.

He was back home for Christmas, he was sick of just seeing your cafe on a phone screen. He convinced himself he could just go on a quick run past the cafe, just to check in on you. He knew you’d be there bright and early before opening, if he could just catch a glimpse he’d feel closer to you.

He slows his pace as he nears the shop, glancing over the road he sees you in the cafe, unfortunately occupied by Dan. You were flailing your arms around, pointing at the sparse Christmas tree you’d added for decoration and then back at the man stood before you.

Lando’s brain couldn’t even catch up as his feel had already made the steps towards the front door.

“You’re so careless! How could you?!” You yelled.

“Get over it. Actually no I’m over it, over this. I’m done watching you pine over someone who doesn’t want you. I’m done.”

As Lando goes to open the door it swings towards him Dan storming out as he grunts “shops closed today pal” clearly not recognising him as he stormed past in anger.

Opening the door he finds you crouched on the floor, dustpan in hand. The ornament he gave you when you declared your love now in pieces on the floor before you. You mustn’t have heard him enter as you lower yourself to the floor sitting crossed legged, the mess in-front of you wondering if the pieces could stick back together.

You heard a creek of a floorboard behind you. Turning your head to see the last person you expected.

“I’m so sorry that I broke it.” You say still sat on the floor, glossy eyed.

“It’s not you that broke it, I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe we can fix it? Glue it back together or something?” You felt as if he wasn’t talking about the decoration.

You stand up, brushing your hands on your sweatpants, “I don’t think it can be. It’ll have cracks and they’ll show and it’ll only break again.”

“Then I will buy you a new one. We can start fresh and you can chose any livery you wanted.”

He wanted to start fresh to prove to you he could give you you deserved. You deserved a whole lot more than him, he hated that he treated you like a dirty secret. You were beautiful, kind, passionate and forgiving. And he took it all for granted.

“Why are you here Lando?” You sigh, finally getting to the point. No more decoration analogies, you wanted to know why he came back.

‘Love is power, swear there's something about her that make me nervous’

He was in his head trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. He was never the best with words and even worse with his actions. He always relied on you knowing how he felt about you without having to break down his walls and show his ‘weaker’ side.

“I’m here for you.”

His eyes looking adoringly into yours, you’d swoon if you weren’t so hurt. You wished he would’ve been there for you when you needed him. You wished you were good enough for him from the start.

“I’m here, because I wanted to tell you that I’ve always loved you y/n.”

His words hurt, like your heart was being stung by rose thorns, pretty but painful.

‘Your love is not too kind to me’

“I don’t think you did love me until you lost me. I don’t want you to love me like that, your love hurts.” You’re picking at the skin beside your fingernails eyes welling with tears once more.

“I promise to love you differently, in the way that you deserve.” He breaks his rigid stance, stepping towards you, taking your hand in his.

I just want to be with you. Only you. I know there’s distance but we’ll make it through. I promise to you I will be better for you.

You shake your hands from his, pulling him into a hug, digging your face into his shoulder, his scent surrounding you, comforting you. You pull your head back slightly to look into his eyes, testing his sincerity.

Your lips touch as if it was the first time. It’s the first time he kisses you with love, not lust. The first time kissing you as if he needs it not wants it.

Although your past was broken scattered across the floor, there are new memory’s to be hung on next years Christmas tree.

‘And I will be yours through rain or through shine’

—

Taglist:

@norrizzandpia @letterlitter

[thefirstknife]

so like im lost, i didnt play any of Act 1 or 2 or read lore bc life happening (house fire+car crash+laid off+homeless in 2 weeks)

so like whats going on eith the whole

Maya → Lakshmi → Conductor → Maya again??

(or is it Lakshmi→Maya→Conductor???)

like where's one "start" and the other "end"

Oh I'm sorry this all happened to you. I see you have a donation link on your pinned post, if people are able to help, check it out!

Also! Lakshmi is not relevant here; it's just the face that Conductor!Maya is comfortable using. Lakshmi was a sort of copy of Maya that Maya made using the Veil, but her life is separate and she's gone. There's also the meta reason that it's easier to reuse Lakshmi's face than make a new model, though they did show us what Maya actually looked like back in the day (and Chioma too)!

It's still not entirely clear which Maya we're dealing with however, though this week's lore tab added a bit of possible context. In here, Maya is talking about her experience communing with the Veil and how close she got to the Vex Network from it and then she ends up completely crossing over into the Vex Network. I think this probably implies that when original human Maya died on Neomuna ("in the conductor's chair"), she crossed over into the Network.

She is very disoriented inside so we don't really know how it worked time-wise, because for Maya it was almost instant? She ends up in the Network, tries to understand things, shapes herself a body and is still excited to talk to Chioma about all of this, then realises that A LOT of time has passed and that Chioma is now dead. Then she goes wild with grief and decides to find her Chioma because she's convinced that Chioma would've kept looking for her.

There's also the question of all the simulated copies of Golden Age Maya with the other Ishtar scientists: 227 of them. Some of that is also talked about this week in the mission. From what I can understand, those Mayas are not part of the Conductor!Maya; as a matter of fact, that Maya on comms in the mission sounds a lot different to me.

I think the Conductor!Maya is a continuation of the real original Maya that died on Neomuna, though that could still change or remain kinda unresolved overall because a lot of the stuff this episode is about how much it doesn't really matter who is the "original." We'll see though. It's also possible that Conductor!Maya is a combination of the real Maya with an addition of some of her copies from the Network. We're probably going to get more stuff in the next two weeks about all of this, including the simulated copies.

Here's a post with some extra details about this week.

[satureja13]

Have I ever told you how much I like these crime games? Some of you might know how much I struggle to keep up with something due to my ADHD (a glorious exception are the Boys ^^') But I was able to finish this book for my games/current case! I haven't been able to craft a bigger project for a while so I'm very proud of myself lol and I thought I show you.

I can reuse this book over and over again for new cases and it's made out of stuff I already had at home: amazon packaging, printouts, envelopes, tea dyed paper, wallpaper, a belt, the lock is from an old suitcase I found, paperclips, stamps, fabric and the metal book corners are made from a tomato paste tube...

These games come with a bunch of documents and I like that I can sort them now and that I'm able to find them quickly instead of having them in a heap. It takes me a few days or even weeks (when I get distracted by someting else ^^') and with this book I can put everything quickly away and return as quick to my research again.

I also made little writing pads and a notebook. The most fun I had with the paperclips. You can make them so quickly and they are so pretty and useful (I use them as tabs and to keep the documents in place)! Just fold a strip of paper in a 'w' shape, glue the metal paperclip inside and decorate. Ready! If you are interested in doing sth like this, don't hesitate to ask, I'm happy to help and share links to to the amazing youtubers I learned from!

I came into crafting only late in my life and I have so much fun. I wish I discovered the joy of it earlier but I never thought it could be something for me. Art class in school was so discouraging and I always thought I don't have the patience/talent for it. Then I went into rehab and we crafted and I kept on crafting ever since ^^' (Maybe you remember when I posted about my tarot book I made a new cover for or my amazing tool case I posted a while ago?)

The box in the pic below is a chocolate packaging I glued some tea dyed paper on :3

I also made a little booklet:

Did you know that you can make tape out of almost everything by using doublesided tape? Here I used old book pages. The dangles are made from cardboard and napkins :3

That was a fun little project and it's also a nice gift. I printed out the AI edits from my Mount Komorebi screenshots to decorate the pages. When you look close you can see Kiyoshi and Kiri in the pic on the left.

[misaverawrites]

In the Heat of Your Electric Touch

((johnny silverhand x reader))

summary: you're the manager of SAMURAI, johnny talks to you about changing his image after some reflection since Alt died, you decide that he can do what’s best for him… and you might be it.

tags: no arasaka tower bombing, johnny is a good person, johnny has a body, rockerboy johnny silverhand, samurai stays together, fluff, alt’s death (mentioned), cursing, fluff, forehead kisses, NO PHANTOM LIBERTY SPOILERS

a/n: uhhhh, your honor, i am a 20 year old silly goose with a love for this man.

You stare out over the crowd from backstage, with wide smiles, music amplified by their singing as the bass vibrates through your teeth. You run a hand through your hair, just for a second, pushing away a rogue strand. You take a look at your phone, then back at the stage, where you find Johnny, looking at you with a wide and almost uncharacteristic grin, only to flash it back at the crowd, brandishing horns on his hand, the loud cheers from the crowd egging him on, bringing a small, but not, unwelcome smile to your face. Johnny loved what he did, no one could deny that, even if it seemed he only did it to further his own agenda at times. You knew better though, you and Johnny had spent too much time together on this tour for you to think too far against him.

“Alright, and we want to dedicate this encore to every single one of you!” You hear Kerry say from the stage, the wild roar from the crowd amplifying itself, you tend to watch the crowd more than anything during these shows, it was therapeutic, these people were the lifeblood of bands similar to SAMURAI , and you intended to keep them happy. As SAMURAI closes out their set, as well as Henry’s tab, some of the people start their slow, exhausted post-concert shuffle back out onto the streets of Night City, bags of SAMURAI merchandise in hand, you begin your clean-up, helping stage-hands move everything back onto the van.

“Hey, take a load off, they’ve got it.” You hear Johnny, and you shake your head. “Shouldn’t you be getting under the skirt of some barely-legal SAMURAI fangirl?” You joke and he rolls his eyes, “Fuck off,” he justifies himself, playfully all the same, until his tone gets a bit more serious in nature, “Besides, thinkin’ that’s not all too much my scene anymore.” You laugh, almost dropping the set piece in your hands. “Alright, I’m gonna hear you out, but it sounds like you just started talkin’ like one of those Maelstrom goons after they’ve had one too many implantations, what do you mean ?”

Johnny scoffs and takes the set piece from you, setting it down as he sits you down on the stage, the lingering fans vie successfully for Kerry’s attention, less so successfully for Johnny’s, his attention is all on you.

“I’m just… Fuckin’ sick of it, since Alt, since fuckin’ Arasaka, I don’t wanna ramble in those streets to a God who ain’t listenin’. Y’know?” You sigh and he puts his hand on top of yours, “I just want somethin’... Someone , even who makes me not want to shove an iron in my fuckin’ mouth.” You look at him, just for a second, as if he’s grown two heads, until you realize, from the way he’s looking at you, for once in his life, he’s serious . Your eyes widen a bit, does he mean you ? “It’s not your scene,” You say simply, it’s almost matter-of-fact in delivery.

“What if I wanted it to be?” He asks, that genuine tone of voice still there, he’s still Johnny, he knows what he wants, and he’s pushing for it. Not too hard, lest he drive you away, which is a change all in itself. “I’m the band’s manager, Johnny.” He rolls his eyes a bit, “You’ve been around Corpos a bit too long, babe,” You can’t help but love the way it sounds coming off his tongue, when it’s aimed towards you and not at another girl, “You know the fans don’t care, hell, they live for this stupid drama.” You can’t deny that. Your miles-long social media inbox, brimming with fans begging for any bit of gossip, said that all on its own. You smile a bit, “I mean, if you’re saying it could be your scene, then who am I to fight that, Johnny?” He grins, it’s a big, goofy grin unlike you’d ever seen before from him, “Shit, if you’re willing to allow it, then I guess I’d better not fuck it up.” You and him pause for a moment, not realizing how close the two of you are to one another, bodies pressed tightly against one another, you feel his eyes flicker to your lips for just a moment, until you, for once decide, fuck it . You pull Johnny in and kiss him, he’s warm, warmer than you’d expected whenever you thought about this, his hands meet your elbows awkwardly, he doesn’t know what to do here, and neither do you, really. His lips are chapped against yours and he tastes of cigarettes and tequila, a dangerously addictive combination that makes you want him more and more. You feel his hand suddenly brush against your hair and support the underside of your mouth, giving him more access to your mouth as he deepens the kiss, and everything else is simply null and void, besides him and you.

Until you hear the familiar sound of Kerry, clearing his throat, “Hey, both of you!” He calls, actually subtle for him, as the two of you pull away awkwardly, as though the two of you are teenagers, trying to act cool after being caught getting hot and heavy in a dark movie theater. “We’ve gotta go, bar wants us out, but you two can keep going on the tour bus, cool?” Your skin flushes and you avoid direct eye contact with Kerry, as Johnny chuckles awkwardly, despite himself, trying to keep any sense of his usually un-poised yet still collected poise. You nod, turning to look back at Johnny, who does the same to you, as you both share a small laugh with one another, you playfully push him without any real force, as he wraps his ‘ganic arm around you, kissing your forehead softly as the two of you get onto the tour bus together.

[ladywaffles]

icemav + reckless

a discord prompt written for @sluttyhenley A sappy little Top Gun New Year's Eve prompt I forgot to post last night! Happy New Year, my friends!

In just a few hours, it will be 1996.

It will officially have been ten years since he met Maverick.

They’re all holed up in some shitty dive bar with a jukebox that predates Reagan, and the alcohol is free-flowing.

It’s probably the last time that they’ll all be together for the foreseeable future; it’s a miracle that none of them have taken promotions that have put them on desk duty.

Slider throws an arm around his shoulders, Wolfman’s got a mischievous glint in his eye.

They’re well away from base in their civvies; no one wanted to get clocked today. It’s a boys’ night out, one last hurrah for the men of ’86 before orders come down the pipeline and split them up after a scant eight weeks working together, before their careers take them out of the cockpit and ground them for good, never to fly with each other again.

“You know, Slider,” Ice muses, just loud enough that Slider can hear him. “This reminds me a lot of that first night at Top Gun.”

“You know what, Ice?” Slider plays along. “I think you’re right!”

Wolfman flashes a sharp grin, tapping Hollywood to let him know he’s heading out.

Merlin and Maverick sit at the bar, none the wiser, enjoying their beers as the NBC live coverage of Times Square plays on the TV behind them.

Slider slips over to the jukebox as Wolf darts up to the tiny stage. He passes Ice a microphone, “with the longest cord we could find!” Wolf tells him. Slider shoots him a thumbs-up above the heads of the crowd, and Ice makes his way to his target.

“Excuse me,” Hollywood says dramatically, tapping on Maverick’s shoulder. Maverick furrows his brow.

“Wood, don’t tell me you’re already wasted this early in the—”

“Is this guy bothering you?” Ice interrupts, cool as can be. Maverick stops short in the middle of his sentence, then catches on.

“Ice, don’t you dare—”

The Righteous Brothers kick up on the jukebox. “Oh, my looove,” Ice croons to Maverick, “my darling, I’ve hun-gered for your touch!”

Hollywood joins in, serenading Maverick as his face turns bright red, even under the dingy light of the bar. Somewhere in the crowd, Wolfman and Slider join in, and then the entire bar is coming along, slightly off-key, a little too loud, singing “Unchained Melody” at the top of their lungs as Maverick, larger than life and slick as can be, tries to shrink into his barstool. Merlin won’t have it, though, and he forces Maverick to stand up at the end and accept the ovations from his adoring crowd.

The boys crack a smile, and Merlin vacates his seat so Ice can slide in next to Maverick, whose cheeks are still flaming red.

“You know,” Ice says with a grin, “I’ve never seen you quite this red, even when you’ve got sunburn.” He jabs an elbow into Mav’s side, but Mav pushes him off.

“That was very reckless of you,” Maverick says lowly, intending to scold but coming off somewhat impressed. “Singing to me in the middle of a civilian bar like that.”

Ice shrugs, bolstered by his success and the alcohol already in his system. “What can I say, I’m a natural at it.”

“I bet you do this for all the girls. Does that play often work for you?” Maverick asks. Ice winks at him.

“I’ve never done it before. You’ll have to tell me how I’m doing.”

“You think it’s going well?” Maverick says. His voice is still low, but for an altogether different reason.

Ice leans in, knowing smile on his lips. “Why don’t you tell me in the morning?”

Maverick groans. “I cannot believe you just did that.”

Ice calls for another round for him and Maverick, then closes out both their tabs. “Ten years it took me to get the full story out of you, Mitchell.” He downs his vodka in one go, fully aware of Maverick’s eyes on his throat as he swallows. “You can’t have thought I was going to let you live it down that easily.”

Maverick knocks back his shot. “So then, sailor,” he looks up at Ice. There’s two hours to midnight yet. “You in town for long?”

“Not for much longer,” Ice answers truthfully. “But if you’ll have me, I’ll come back to you whenever I can.”

Maverick smiles, a big toothy grin that makes him look like that fresh-faced punk of a lieutenant he first met ten years ago. “I’d like nothing better, Ice.”

[matan4il]

Daily update post:

Another one that I start with news of a terrorist attack. -_- This morning, a terrorist started shooting at several vehicles driving down the Jordan Valley, one of which was a school bus. The driver of this bus confirmed that the terrorist was wearing what looked like an IDF uniform. According to Magen David Adom (Red Star of David) there are at least 3 people injured, one is a 13 years old kid, another is in serious condition. The terrorist has not yet been neutralized.

After Amit Soussana's testimony about being raped by Hamas, we also have a Palestinian Islamic Jihad (PIJ) terrorist admitting during an interrogation that he had raped a woman in her home in an Israeli kibbutz. It's not the first such testimony, but these are important enough that when they're published, they ALL must be heard.

The prosecution against the terrorists responsible for the massacre of October 7 has been expanded to include clauses which could end with the death penalty (I found a link to a journalistic source online, then I accidentally closed that tab, and can't find it again, but it's been reported on TV. The following tweet recounts the indictments, though the headline is misleading. A death sentence has not been approved, it's just now approved that it's a possible outcome of the trials, once they take place).

For those unfamiliar with the Eurovision Song Contest, it's an event that has been run since 1956, with the intent to help heal a post-war Europe, by allowing countries to have a friendly competition (instead of a bloody conflict), and also have a chance to get to know each other better through music. It's meant to be a unifying, and therefore also a-political fun music fest. This contest has since been expanded to include all countries that are members of the European Broadcasting Union, which means Israel also gets to compete since 1973, and has even won 4 times. I wrote this post about our entry this year, if anyone's curious. In recent years, the ESC has been used for annual anti-Israel propaganda, way before the war in Gaza. This year, a senior official in Israel's National Security Office had to issue a warning for any Israelis going to the competition in Sweden, to be careful and hide their identity as much as possible. I am passing along the warning, because wherever Israelis are in danger, so are Jews in general.

After Canada, Sweden, Australia and Finland, now France is also declaring that it will fund UNRWA again, proving that no amount of complicity in anti-Jewish terrorism will stop some European countries from passing along money to those who have raped, maimed, tortured and murdered us. But no worries! France promises it will ensure that their money won't go to terrorism. I will just remind everyone that France brokered a "deal" to pass along medications to Israeli hostages with chronic illnesses in Gaza, in exchange for an additional 1,000 packages of meds for Gazans. It then said they got reassurance that the meds got to those hostages (meaning, France quoted Qatar, which quoted Hamas, so this is the international diplomacy version of, "Trust me, bro. I'm a highly reliable antisemitic terrorist"). When Israeli soldiers got to a hospital in Gaza, they found some of the med packages for the Israeli hostages in its pharmacy, unopened and clearly not delivered to the rightful address. So... IDK about you, but I'm pretty sure even the French know their assurances about the UNRWA funding are just empty words.

This is 40 years old Mohammad Alatrash.

He's an Israeli Bedouin Muslim Arab, and father of 13, including a one month old baby. He was kidnapped on Oct 7, and has been held captive in Gaza since. Mohammad's uncle said the whole family's life has not been normal since he was taken hostage. Despite that, today several families of hostages had a tour of the attacked communities in the south, with Israel's and Belgium's Foreign Ministers, his brother Salem said that they're okay with Mohammad being released later, as long as Hamas frees the female hostages. "It's hell what they're made to go through there." Just a reminder that Mohammad is one of the Israeli Muslim hostages that Hamas could have and chose not to release even during the month holy to all muslims, Ramadan.

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[archivedrage]

It’s 2:23 AM and I have so much to say that I think of actually starting a podcast. But that plan have many obstacles.

1. I don’t know how to start a podcast.

Like who would listen to a 23 year old who has zero idea what to do in life, who’s thoughts are so unorganised that she can be thinking what ice cream flavour to get and suddenly three stops later in her train of thoughts she finds herself as someone who is so useless that she is unworthy of ice cream. Someone who is lost in every possible aspect of life.

2. I’m not great with technology.

My laptop’s storage has been full for over a year now and all I do is close the notification tab. That’s how much horrible I am with technology.

3. I don’t have anyone I can talk to.

I mean who would even come on a show no body’s watching and I don’t know (or have) anyone who will come. Like how am I supposed to start THE EPISODE 1???

4. I don’t think I’m smart enough to start a podcast.

Jack of all and master of none. LITERALLY NONE. There is just so much I don’t know and there is so much I haven’t read. I know that I’m not smart enough to start a podcast that can create an impact and I know I’m not fun enough to start a podcast that’s something you can play when you can’t find anything to watch. I know I have a lot to say but I’m not sure I have the right words for it. Maybe that’s why I don’t talk to people much because I cannot seem to find the right words.

5. All of this motivation vanishes in the morning.

Every night I find myself with so much to say and no one to hear that I just want to start a freaking podcast (maybe that’s the reason I’m typing all this post. I honestly don’t know if I’ll post this. I’m weird like that. I write and write and write just to archive it in the end). But that’s the thing. Every night I get this small but strong breeze of motivation that makes me want to bring a change, maybe in my life or maybe in the world. But again every morning I wake up with the same thought that why isn’t this life over yet. And I’m very well aware that it’s a thought I should NOT be having so I feel guilty about it and then before I could do anything the day is over.

I don’t know if I’ll ever start a podcast or if I’ll ever find a way to start it. But for now I would like to start waking up not think about death but rather feeling grateful for this life.

[she-karev]

Birth (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Two of Two

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Head canon Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

AN: Here’s the final chapter for the story you guys and I will try to post the next one as soon as I can and until then enjoy and I always appreciate and like and a reblog!

Editors Note: Hey guys so I just learned how to make GIF’s and decided to reblog this beautiful chapter with a GIF I made myself. Let me know what you think.

Summary: Amber gives birth to a girl with Andrew by her side and Dr. Montgomery delivering.

Words: 1441

October 20th, 2022

Simone Griffith stands outside Amber DeLuca’s delivery room peeking through the transom on the closed door. It’s been six hours since she and DeLuca found out Amber was in labor. She was curious on how her chief resident was after her water broke causing Dr. DeLuca to have her close after his surgery and couldn’t help but go up and see how they are.

Also, after witnessing her grandmother have an Alzheimer’s episode, she wanted a reminder that there were good things in this world too, like babies being born. Alex Karev walks down the hall with a welcome home baby girl gift basket from him and Jo to give to Amber. He spots Griffith outside the room and clears his throat causing her to stand back and look at him.

“Dr. Karev hi I-I was just uh-”

“Spying on my sister while she’s trying to bring a new life into this world right this second?”

“…It looks weird, doesn’t it?”

“Yes!” Alex confirms causing her to look down in shame, “Is there a reason you’re doing this very weird thing?”

“I just…I just needed a reminder that there’s good things in this world too. And watching a birth happen in real time works more effectively than faith in humanity videos.”

Alex grins at that understanding where she’s coming from, “Yeah there is something magical about my baby sister becoming a mother.”

“That is all I am saying sir.” He motions for her to step aside and she does so. He walks inside the room to find Amber lying on her side in her bed with Dr. Montgomery behind her inserting the epidural catheter. Andrew is standing by her side and holding her hand as she groans at the needle insertion.

“Hey kid how are we doing?”

“Terrible! You’re lucky your ex-girlfriend knows what she’s doing otherwise I would judge her based on her poor choices from sleeping with you.” Alexs eyes widen at his sister’s knowledge of his and Addison’s past relationship. Andrew looks at him in shock as well just learning about this.

“Is this true or is it the hormones talking?”

Addison finishes the insertion and looks up at Alex in disgust, “You told her?”

“No! I swear I didn’t.”

Amber groans and lays on her back on the bed, “Oh please the nurses keep tabs on your love lives and they love to gush with me. They could write romance best sellers with Alex’s disaster of a love life. I mean I’m still at the Ava/Rebecca chapter and it is a doozy.” She turns to Addison, “For the record you could’ve done way better back then.”

“You know I’m in the room, right?” Alex points out before putting the pink basket on the table.

“I’m gonna check how dilated you are.” Addison sighs and feels the need to clarify to Amber while she does her cervix exam, “And for the record I didn’t date him. I found him attractive, I was horny and he was there. It was one time and I judge myself for it enough as it is.”

“I’m his sister I know how shameful you’d feel sleeping with him when he was an intern and an asshat.”

Addison grins at that and looks back at Alex who averts his eyes from the exam looking at the wall instead, “I like her.”

Andrew asks trying to comprehend it, “Wait you slept with your sister’s OB and you didn’t think to mention it?”

“You slept with my sister and I had to find out after the fact.” Alex bitterly points out.

“I didn’t even know she was your sister man.”

“And I didn’t think my ex was gonna be delivering my sister’s baby over ten years later but here we are.”

Amber inhales and exhales in annoyance at their petty squabble, “Hey boys?” They turn to her and she looks disheveled while Addison checks her cervix, “I need you two to read the room because I have enough on my plate right now, I don’t need to mediate an argument between my husband and brother.” They quiet and look at her concerned as she continues, “I am just trying to squeeze a giant Escalada out of a compact FUCKING PARKING SPOT!” The boys look scared by her last exclamation.

“Very good.” Addison calmly says, “Swearing helps a lot, you’re at 7 centimeters.” Addison stands back up covering Amber with a blanket.

“Ugh I hate you tell me when I can start pushing this sucker out. Speaking of suckers exiting, Alex get out.” He looks offended by that as Amber continues, “You dropped off the gift and unless you can transport my daughter out of my body you are useless to me. And do me a favor. Let it be known that the only people allowed in this room are Dr. Montgomery and the people who provided genetic material to this baby otherwise they are gonna be in a world of hurt, now out!” Amber points at the door causing Alex to nod and pat Andrew on the back seeing the road ahead of him.

“God speed.”

Andrew nods, “Yeah.” Alex gets out of the room and closes the door behind him.

TWO HOURS LATER

I scream out loud as the next contraction comes and push per Dr. Montgomery’s instructions. While this happens, Andrew is by my side holding me encouraging me. My lower region is covered by blue tarps with Addison behind the curtain delivering my daughter, out of all of us I think she has the easiest job in the room because Andrew is no doubt in pain from me holding his hand with monster strength that’s coming from being in labor.

“Good Dr. DeLuca! Okay at the next contraction I’m gonna need you to really bear down but not until I tell you.”

I whimper at the never-ending cycle, “Oh god come on! I know my brother rejected you but don’t take it out on me!”

Andrew rubs my arm to soothe me, “It’s gonna be okay, you’re doing great, it’ll be over soon.”

I am too in pain and too mad at him to take in his soothing words, “If you think we’re having sex again after this you got another thing coming Andrew DeLuca!”

He chuckles at that and kisses the top of my head wiping the sweat off my forehead, “I think we’re stalled in the sex department until this kid goes off to college.”

I chuckle lightly at that but then I stop and gasp as I feel another contraction coming, “Oh god not again!” I scream as the pain courses through my body.

“Okay one last push Amber!” Dr. Montgomery instructed me and even though it hurts I do as she says, pushing with all my might. Andrew is holding me and encouraging me to push through my piercing screams. After what seems like forever, I feel relief in my body and slump back down on the bed panting for breath. I hear a baby crying and I felt my heart stop as I look down to see Dr. Montgomery holding our small, wriggling and bloody daughter already crying her lungs out. Addison is smiling and laughing in joy, “There she is!”

I’m so shocked by what’s happening I’m laughing and crying at the same time, “Oh my god.”

I can see Andrew laughing in joy too with tears glistening in his eyes, “Look at her oh my god you did that.”

“You helped.” I remind him. He takes the scissors from Dr. Montgomery and cuts the umbilical cord. After that Addison takes the baby to get her cleaned up and comes back a few moments later with our baby daughter wrapped in a baby blanket. She’s crying on the way until she reaches my arms and I hold her shocked at how tiny she is. I smile down at her still overcome with so much love and awe over this tiny human that made the last eight hours of pain I’ve endured so worth it, “Hi. Oh my god she’s…she’s…”

“She’s perfect.” Andrew finishes and I nod as he smiles. I can see the love in his eyes and grin at him.

“Here let’s go to daddy.” I carefully place the baby in Andrew’s arms and he handles her so carefully, no doubt shocked at how light she is too. He croons at the baby speaking words of affection in Italian cradling her head, “Ciao bambina, sono tua mamma e tuo papà.”

I sniffle and grin at the sight of both of them before cooing at our daughter, “Hi welcome to the world. Right now your the only pure and innocent thing in it at this very moment. And I promise we are gonna name you by the time you come home.” Andrew chuckles at that and we just enjoy this moment together as a family.

The Babys Name Here

[trulybetty]

Sunday Week In Review XVI & 2023 Wrapped

I feel like 2023 just started five minutes ago, am I the only one who feels like this year as passed by quickly but at the same time dragged its heels?

I've seen so many lovely end of year close out posts and years in review. I toyed with how I wanted to close out the year and what I could say that could sum it up sufficiently.

Betty rambles under the cut with this weeks reads if you're interested...

2023 has been a weird year if I'm entirely honest and somewhat isolating. I returned from mat leave, back to working from home, and having to scramble to make adjustments when things fell through. Which resulted in Mr. Truly and I working opposite shifts to ensure the S.S. Truly stayed afloat.

But during the last six months somehow I made it back to Tumblr, to an old account from way back when - pre-dating when the Canucks made it to game seven kinda old - I blew off the dust, cleaned house and made myself a little space. I still don't know 100% how it all happened, though I think it started with the Reddit forum.

You don't need to know the whole spiel about Pedro, because while we're here because of him, it's the community that holds us here. After floating and not really knowing what I was doing, I started to make connections within this community and finding a seat at the table (we'll come back to that) and I found joy again. I'd kinda lost myself in the fog that is half a dozen other titles/roles others looked to me as that had replaced just Betty.

I started writing, hadn't done that in years. I rekindled by love for graphic design, what I went to school for. I was reading books again, as well as so many great fanfics here. I even bought poetry books, something I hadn't done since I don't know when.

I've been really fortunate in my experience that I've encountered so many wonderful people. I may not get to be as social as I'd like to be, and I still have a fear of dropping into DM's & Asks unannounced. I have the shittest memory, if I don't keep a tab open or reply straight away it's sometimes days or weeks before I remember again. But I really hope that I've returned in kind what others have given me because I'd hate for anyone to feel like they don't belong here, because you do.

This community is a table (told you I'd come back) and it's size is immeasurable. It has no bounds and there's always room for whatever kind of chair you pull up and if you don't have one? We'll find one. Need to leave for a while? We'll save your seat. This my friends is a community, and if you're met with those who tell you the table is full, I'm telling you now, they're not a part of it.

Are there going to be those with more notes? Yes. Are there going to be people you're going to compare your writing to? Yes. Are you going to maybe want to pack it all in and delete your masterlist now and then? Yes.

But none of that takes away anything that makes you, you and what you bring to the table.

Life is hard enough without the added pressure of thinking you need to score imaginary internet points with stats and metrics that carry no value. I wish I knew the magic formula, because I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but let's try and be kinder to ourselves eh?

But I'm really going into 2024 with the goal of curating my own joy - whether it be indulging in the fanfics I want to write and read, more obnoxious coffees, a new fountain pen, giving myself permission to buy the fancy notebook, get back to baking or binging both seasons of Julia and pretending I can make one of her recipes.

So to sum it up, before this goes into a further incoherent ramble, this year has been about reaching out, starting connections and building something meaningful. I've met some amazing people that I am lucky to call friends and without their kindness and extending a seat at the table I'm not sure I'd still be around these parts.

Here's to more of that in 2024 - while I'm not always the best at replying to messages, my DM's and Ask's are always open, feel free to drop in at any time 💕

Pedro Tax��️ for your time...

T R U L Y  U P D A T E S . . .

December x 500 is complete-ish? Thanks to being sick towards the end of the month there's three entries missing, but I'm hoping to sneak them in during the new year! I'm looking forward to a quieter writing schedule that's for sure!

W H A T  I  R E A D . . . Didn't read as much as I wanted to this week - but I'm off this next week, so hoping to do a little more and get through some of my TBR list!

All I Want for Christmas (Frankie) by @morallyinept This was a delightful festive meet-cute that had me on the edge of my seat and also explores the character of Frankie and the ramifications of his actions on his friendships and his ex. 

All I Want (Will Miller) by @laurfilijames This was a bittersweet one-shot that touched on the idea that the festive season isn’t always for everyone and that you never know what’s going on with someone. 

I Put My Book Down to Be Here (Dieter) by @frenchiereading My first New Year’s Eve fic I’ve read this season and it’s so sweet and has a soft Dieter (my fave), who is still his chaotic self! I loved this from start to finish and such a great meet-cute!

Had Me Fooled (Dave) by @wildemaven Heidi has done such an amazing job with this mini series that can be read as a standalone or as a series. I love a soft Dave and Heidi does it so well. This last one had my toes curling in all their romantic glory and I will be revisiting this series again I'm sure!

Reunions (The Thief) by @ladamedusoif I'm behind on Rose's December prompts, but this was the steamy follow up to My Kiss, Only For You (go read that first, no seriously, go read it) and it was so delectable and my greedy self hopes we see these two again in the future.

Cookies (Tim) by @ladamedusoif Speaking of delicious things, this was as indulgent and sweet as the cookies made in this fic. Tim was one of the characters I didn't see becoming such a favourite this year - but I love seeing everyone's interpretation of him. This one here? In my top ranked versions 🫠

So here's to 2024!

Thank you for every interaction, reblog, or tag - every single one is held clutched to my heart in appreciation every time!

Stay safe, and whatever you're doing or wherever you are sending you much love!

[toast-tales]

okay. so. this might be a bit out of nowhere, but i think it's important for people to know the impact that their creations have, when they're brave enough to release them into the world.

so i discovered ITWOM roughly a week ago, and i honestly couldn't tell you precisely why, but i haven't been able to stop thinking about it. i have it pretty much permanently open on an AO3 tab, i've re-read it (+CC and the one shots) multiple times and it's never lost its luster, and i really have no idea what about it appeals to me so much, but i just wanted to let you know that it's honestly become a new hyper fixation? like, i've literally scrolled through almost all of the posts under the tag for it. your writing style, the plot, the arcs, the amazing characters and their development / relationships with each other—i love it all.

i eagerly await the return to this world, any AUs/new plots (that one snippet of danny and christopher stuck in the human world seemed so interesting), or even little head canons or details you post, because above all, i think one of the best things is that it's so clear just how much you care about this world and these characters you've created. that's an incredibly admirable and inspiring trait, and it shows in your work: which makes it that much more enjoyable to read.

tl;dr i like ur stuff a lot!! + can't wait to see what else you do ^^

Believe me when I say I nearly started crying when I read this. This is so sweet you have no idea 😭

It really means a lot to me that you like what I've made! Over the years the story has meant so much to me to write, and by this point the characters feel like real people I just catalogue the lives of, lol. For other people to find some meaning or worth in what I do as well, it's still amazing to me.

I wish I could tell you what I've got coming up, but I've honestly been pulling back a bit lately as real life has been catching up to me. Cursed Cravings is still on hiatus - not given up on! I will return to it eventually!

HOWEVER, I have an actual bazillion AU ideas, some of which I've enlisted the help of some of my close friends to write with me (looking at you, @luckyshotwrites ). While most of this writing is currently just for my own sake, or kept private, I do hope to share some of it in the future. For now, all I can do is share a collaborative drawing I did with @luckyshotwrites of a scene from one of those stories...one that I hope will be shared whenever we end up finishing it.

And, even if I'm not super active on Tumblr anymore, my ask box is always open and the ITWOM discord is still up and running. Headcanons, writing requests with my characters, questions about them or the world of ITWOM, anything - I'm more than happy to do any of that! I've expanded my worldbuilding a lot since finishing ITWOM.

And, again, THANK YOU so much for this. It really means the world to me. ❤️

(Sketch was done mostly by Lucky - she's super awesome with people and faces! She also helped with the shading, which again, she's super awesome at. I did the linework and coloring. This is Christopher, obviously, and her main character Lynette...though what's happening here, I can't quite say. Maybe one day 👀)

[jotun-philosopher]

Aziraphale: Dungeons & Dragons AU

I've been on a bit of a D&D jag recently -- a couple of 50th anniversary adventure books caught my imagination -- so I went back to this little post and decided to expand on it with in-universe character bios and statblocks for the Ineffable Husbands!

I can't safely assume that everyone who reads this post will be familiar with D&D terms, so I'll be including a lot of inline links -- let me know in the notes if there's anything I've missed on that front. For the links to 5e.tools, there are tabs for Traits/Stat Block, Info and so on at the top of each information pane on the right-hand side of the screen. The tables on the left-hand side of the screen can be hidden by clicking on the 'Hide' tab.

Crowley bio/statblock here -- the bios are intended to be read more-or-less side-by-side. The whole thing is also available on my AO3 here

cw: child abuse, physical and psychological (mostly implied, some effects shown or discussed), cults, violence, trauma

*********

Shabby but comfortable scholar's robes in an old-fashioned style, short white hair, stocky build, a gentle, kindly, soft-spoken manner -- apart from the brown eyes liberally flecked with silver and the ring of dusty, sparkling light around his head, like a concentration of the 'diamond dust' that sometimes forms in cold regions, Aziraphale looks like a perfectly mundane bookseller in a well-preserved late middle age. Many have judged this aasimar thus; for some beings, it was the last mistake they ever made.

It was not always so. Aziraphale was born into a self-righteous apocalypse cult that travelled around the easternmost reaches of the continent. His strong celestial heritage was obvious from the start, which the cult leadership took as a sign of divine favour for their schemes.

As a small child, Aziraphale would have been perfectly content to spend his time chasing butterflies, trailing his fingers in running water and playing with motes of dust dancing in sunbeams. However, a stern, distant angelic figure began repeatedly appearing in his dreams, sending vague dark prophecies and visions of events that might or might not come to pass. When Aziraphale mentioned this to the adults, with all the trusting innocence of the very young, the cult's resident sage recognised the signs of a deva guide reaching out to their assigned aasimar. The cult leaders, unwilling to relinquish control of their little figurehead, proceeded to use every method they could find, both magical and mundane, to manipulate and browbeat Aziraphale into becoming their chief enforcer.

When Aziraphale came of age, the cult's leadership decided to test the strength of their control over him by sending him out to kill some tiefling children in the nearby town for, essentially, being tieflings. He went out, because the conditioning to which he'd been subjected for most of his life was deeply rooted and backed up with a high-level geas. Underneath it all, though, Aziraphale was wracked with nebulous fears, doubts and uncertainties that the chains of enchantment around his mind would not permit him to examine more closely. This internal conflict, however deeply buried, was still potent enough to slow his steps and blunt his situational awareness; when he entered the residence of his assigned targets, his guard was just low enough that he didn't notice the adult tiefling rogue until his sword was snatched and thrown across the room at the same time as he was slammed into the wall.

Aziraphale rather distantly realised that he should have been scared. Instead, the golden-yellow eyes staring into his own struck him as the most beautiful and above all kindest eyes he had ever seen. Distracted by this sight and thought, and the further inner turmoil they provoked, he answered a series of probing, compassionate questions without thinking, until he found himself helping his would-be targets discreetly take flight to a far-off place of safety -- without provoking a psychic backlash from the geas!

On a hillside overlooking the town, once he'd helped this mysterious tiefling burn the house down to cover up the family's escape, Aziraphale risked taking a closer look at the golden-eyed stranger. Six feet of lanky height, dark red hair falling in waves past the shoulders, elaborately twisting horns above the temples, serviceable leather armour and a five-foot-long prehensile tail -- an arresting sight indeed! And so many questions -- delivered in a gentle tone, but carefully worded and incisively aimed. Aziraphale answered haltingly, utterly unused to such interactions and uncertain as to why his new friend seemed so horrified at things that were, for him, perfectly normal. He tentatively reached toward the thought that maybe they weren't normal, but as soon as it began to form, the harsh bite of enchantment yanked his mind into a stinging dark red haze and his limbs began to move of their own volition.

Stumbling back to the cult's encampment, a prisoner within his uncontrollable body -- in pain on an earthen floor, the cult's leader wielding a wooden cudgel to vicious effect while the sage rummaged through his mind -- tremors in the ground, the boom of a magically magnified voice that seemed familiar, though the words were indistinct -- being carried at speed along a dark street, blood streaming from his nose...

When Aziraphale regained full consciousness, he found himself lying in his underclothes on a bed in a small stone room, his brain feeling like it had been pulled out and flattened with a mallet. His tiefling friend -- who seemed to be called Crowley, judging by the argument they were having with a senior cleric -- barged the door fully open, helped him into a set of nondescript common clothes and a cloak (to conceal his distinctive halo), guided him carefully out of the temple through a rear door and, hand in hand, they legged it out of town just as dawn was creeping over the horizon.

And so began their desperate flight across the continent. Aziraphale struggled to adjust at first; the privations of life on the run were not so different from life in the cult, but having anyone at all (let alone a very stylish and huggable tiefling) treat him with kindness and actual, genuine respect for his thoughts and feelings and needs and personhood was so unfamiliar as to be initially incomprehensible. Sleep wasn't much of an escape -- his nightmarish memories combined with his deva guide's attempts at reaching out in surreal and disturbing ways.

It got easier. With every hug from Crowley, every kind word, every chance to watch a piece of natural beauty or try a tasty new food, and with the passage of time, the memories did not so much fade as lose their sharp edges. With the abatement, however gradual, of the nightmares came the mental space for Aziraphale to reconnect with long-buried parts of himself, in particular his quiet pleasure in sensory communion with nature, and his own aasimar powers.

When their funds started running low a little under one third of the way across the continent, Aziraphale was therefore the one to suggest taking adventuring work as a way to fund the rest of their travels -- jobs were in plentiful supply, after all, and it'd introduce an erratic element to their travel path that'd likely confuse any lingering pursuit (not that there was likely to be any, given Crowley's skill at stealthy travel). Plus, knowing that the cult had tried to exploit his power for evil ends made him very determined to use that power to help and protect people. Crowley seemed hesitant, but agreed after some thought, and helped him find a suitable sword and some decent affordable armour.

Taking up adventuring proved to be a better decision than Aziraphale had ever expected. Solving people's problems alongside Crowley and seeing genuinely positive results from using his aasimar abilities helped light break through the shell of trauma and darkness around his soul, and every smile -- from people he'd helped, and especially from Crowley -- went to shore up his burgeoning feelings of hope for himself and the future. Even his deva guide proved useful once or twice, pointing out places where a situation might need attention (though its distant, detached perspective and rigid criteria for 'goodness' proved troublesome and helpful in equal measure).

The discovery that he truly enjoyed helping and protecting people and places stoked in Aziraphale a fiercely burning love of all of the good and life-giving things of the world and a powerful determination to preserve them. He was musing over this one morning, watching an interesting bush swaying in the breeze, when a huge and magnificent blue butterfly began emerging from its chrysalis but fell from the branch before its wings had fully expanded. Aziraphale gently caught it and let it rest on its hand until it was able to fly. Something about the situation felt powerfully evocative of his own recent history, which gave him an idea. He discussed it with Crowley, and the very next day, in a sun-dappled glade with the wind whispering through the leaves, Aziraphale took the Oath of the Ancients before no god but nature itself, swearing to kindle the light of hope through acts of mercy, kindness and forgiveness; to shelter the light of beauty, goodness, life, love and laughter against the forces that would devour them; to preserve the light in his own heart, that he might best preserve the light of the world; to be a beacon of joy and courage and hope for those living in despair. The stern and muted approval of his deva guide at this decision was as nothing compared to Crowley's radiantly evident pride.

The decision to take the path of a paladin helped give a more defined shape to their adventuring work, and Aziraphale and Crowley quickly gained a degree of note (or at least notoriety) for being seemingly utterly mismatched -- paladin and rogue, aasimar and tiefling, heavy plate armour versus light, spike-studded leather -- yet working together with fluid brilliance, putting paid to evil schemes wherever they found them. Aziraphale in particular tended to attract curiosity and surprise, with his intense enthusiasm for butterflies (having adopted the image of one as his holy paladin symbol) leading people to take him for an unusually heavily armoured ranger or druid -- until he started smiting undead monstrosities or healing mortal wounds with divine light.

As far as Aziraphale was concerned, Crowley was the greatest of the good and life-giving parts of the world, the sheer goodness of their kind and caring soul (though they denied it, out of long-ingrained habit) a shining light that he would fight to preserve regardless of formal oath. This culminated, one crisp, clear spring morning, in the pair taking their wedding vows in a lush meadow in the foothills of a mountain near the western coast of the continent. Their rings being perfect for use with the warding bond spell was the icing on the metaphorical cake.

Once the honeymoon was over, the adventuring work continued as usual -- though not without struggle. Aziraphale's tensions with his deva guide increased, as the guide's detachment from the realities of life on the Material Plane and unswerving adherence to a rigid conception of Goodness clashed with his lived experience of small, everyday acts of courage and kindness and love being just as important in holding back darkness (per his paladin oath) as any amount of smiting great evil. The guide's dream-contacts also made Aziraphale feel out-of-sorts for days afterwards, with the old nightmares tending to make a resurgence; he eventually realised that the pressure to adhere unquestioningly to rules of Goodness written on Mount Celestia was constantly re-opening the wounds inflicted on him so long ago by his childhood cult in their efforts to control him. He tried to convey this to the guide and request a cessation of contact save in the most apocalyptically dire emergencies, but the only response the guide made was to accost Aziraphale and Crowley in person when they were returning to civilisation, lightly singed, after dealing with a swarm of hell hounds and the fire giant to whom they were in service.

The meeting did not go well; almost the first words out of the guide's mouth were criticisms of Aziraphale's choice of paladin oath and general waywardness, Crowley's influence being blamed for the latter. Aziraphale could have dealt with all of that with comparative equanimity, but the guide followed it up by calling his and Crowley's marriage 'a distraction and a mistake'; it got about halfway through making a profoundly bigoted remark about Crowley's tiefling heritage before Aziraphale delivered a plate-armoured straight-arm punch to the nose. With the guide stunned on the ground, he coldly, calmly instructed it to never attempt to contact him or Crowley again, by any means or for any reason -- a request not quite delivered at swordpoint, but certainly with several inches of unsheathed blade. Thankfully, the guide got the message.

After that, things settled back into the usual rhythm of the adventuring life, with events ranging from the routine (such as joining up with another group of adventurers to deal with a demilich haunting the cellars of an opera house; a profoundly grateful management offered free tickets as part of the reward, so it turned into an impromptu date night!) to the surprising (a rare black-and-tan pegasus bonding with Crowley; for whatever reason, they decided to name it 'Bentley') to the intense (Aziraphale's childhood cult attempting to make a resurgence; their fatal error was in assuming that the powerful and experienced paladin with a legitimate grievance and devoted, protective spouse would be just as easy to control as the isolated and vulnerable child. They were swiftly proved wrong.) A few magical artifacts came into their possession, too, whether discovered in dungeons or given as rewards -- and once, when an old man festooned with canaries pressed a small canary figurine on them in the street because he 'liked their faces' (Aziraphale gave it to Crowley more or less immediately, because it was the same pretty gold colour as their eyes).

A short time after the final dissolution of the cult, the duo were attacked by a pit fiend that abducted Crowley, apparently due to some sort of long-ago deal. Aziraphale wasted no time in sending Bentley to fetch help, gathering resources, preparing spells and giving chase, refusing to leave Crowley in the darkness and despair of captivity for a single second longer than necessary, or to believe that his spouse would voluntarily enter into an infernal contract.

The portal to the pit fiend's lair lay in the ruins of a wizard's forest tower, and led to an isolated section of Avernus, first and outermost of the Nine Hells. While Crowley was too physically far away for the warding bond spell in their wedding rings to activate, long familiarity with the latent link meant Aziraphale was able to get a very good idea of which direction to go. He set off walking across the barren, blasted hills, cutting a swath through any creatures attempting to waylay him (when he was unable to avoid them using stealth techniques picked up from Crowley) and avoiding all deals, temptations and tarnish to his soul by means of sheer single-minded stubbornness. When a cave came into view that his senses, both mundane and divine, told him was the place where Crowley was being held, Aziraphale took a moment to pause and listen.

The pit fiend was gloating to Crowley (who was chained and caged, but alive and seemingly unharmed) and a bearded devil minion about its scheme to usurp power in Avernus, which apparently relied upon corrupting powerful souls; neither fiend was paying close attention to the cave entrance. Aziraphale was therefore able to catch the bearded devil entirely off-guard with a casting of moonbeam, which destroyed it in a matter of seconds. He moved the spell's area of effect to the pit fiend and advanced steadily, noting with the small part of his mind not bent on maintaining the spell that Crowley had nearly broken free of their bonds and was hastily working to finish the job.

The pit fiend lunged out of the moonbeam spell at that point, breaking Aziraphale's concentration with a tail strike that sent him reeling. Aziraphale responded by invoking warding bond and the strongest magical transformations granted by both his aasimar heritage and his paladin oath, and went on the offensive, trying to damage the pit fiend as much as possible while drawing its attention away from Crowley, who had managed to escape both chains and cage, and was readying a sneak attack.

Aziraphale and Crowley fought hard, with a fluid cooperation honed over many years. The pit fiend gave as good as it got, though, and despite Aziraphale's protective paladin auras and Crowley's speed, they eventually found themselves near collapse, burned by walls of fire and weakened by poison from the fiend's bite. Then Crowley, with the ingenuity that always made Aziraphale go gooey inside, remembered the enigmatic canary figurine, invoking an activation command and hurling it at the pit fiend's feet -- whereupon it transformed into an adult gold dragon!

The considerable distraction provided by the dragon allowed Aziraphale the opportunity to heal himself and Crowley and repair the rents in their armour. After that, they went back on the offensive, and with the aid of their new ally they vanquished the pit fiend. In the aftermath, Aziraphale took a moment to sit and catch his breath while Crowley carefully gathered up the restored canary figurine and explained about how their village had tried to sacrifice them to the pit fiend in their early childhood, and the swiftly-dispatched bearded devil had once been part of the old cult.

Their belongings gathered, the next problem presented itself: getting out of Avernus safely. An investigation of the meagre hoard of treasures in the pit fiend's lair turned up a silver ring inlaid with three green gemstones, one of which burned with a curious internal fire. Aziraphale recognised its powerful magic immediately, and after some thought, Crowley identified it as a ring of three wishes with one charge remaining. As the more proficient spellcaster, Aziraphale used the ring to transport the two of them back to their campsite, where Bentley the pegasus was waiting for them, whickering nervously.

Ultimately, despite multiple boons from some of the more sentimentally inclined deities who'd been following his and Crowley's relationship and exploits, an accumulation of physical and mental scathe forced Aziraphale to retire from active combat and adventuring. He bought property in a somewhat out-of-the-way town and opened a bookshop, which quickly gained a sort of affectionate notoriety for its incredibly convoluted opening hours and refusal to actually sell anything.

Adventurers are welcome to drop by the bookshop for advice on spellcasting, assistance with copying or interpreting spell scrolls, information on butterflies (which they'll probably get anyway!) and good counsel about many other matters. A very lucky few might be permitted to pet or feed Bentley the pegasus, or take some fruit and vegetables from Crowley's well-tended garden. It would be wise to note, though, that despite his retirement from active adventuring, Aziraphale still keeps in shape and follows the tenets of the Oath of the Ancients as best he can in everyday life -- and thus retains all of his paladin powers. Only the most terminally foolish individuals would try to steal from the bookshop or otherwise provoke his and Crowley's ire.

---

Aziraphale

Medium Humanoid (Protector Aasimar, 20th level Oath of the Ancients Paladin), Chaotic Good

Age: Unknown (immortal) Height: 5'10'' Weight: 194lb

Armour Class 13 Hit Points 250 (20d10+140) ('Tough' feat applies) Speed 30ft

STR 23 (+6) DEX 17 (+3) CON 20 (+5) INT 22 (+6) WIS 20 (+5) CHA 22 (+6)

Saving Throws Strength (+20), Constitution (+19), Intelligence (+20), Wisdom (+12), Charisma (+20)

Skills Athletics (+13), Sleight of Hand (+10), Arcana (+20), History (+13), Nature (+20), Religion (+20), Animal Handling (+19), Insight (+12), Medicine (+19), Survival (+12), Intimidation (+20), Persuasion (+20)

Damage Resistances necrotic, radiant; bludgeoning, piercing and slashing from non-magical attacks

Damage Immunities psychic, poison

Condition Immunities charmed, frightened, possessed, poisoned, stunned, all diseases

Senses darkvision 60ft, passive Perception 29

Languages all

Challenge 21 (33,000 XP) Proficiency Bonus +7

Traits

Special Equipment Depending on the circumstances of combat, Aziraphale may be wielding either a Holy Avenger Longsword or a large candelabra. He uses them two-handed and has proficiency with both. He also wears a ring of the ram on the little finger of his right hand and a platinum ring for use with the warding bond spell on the ring finger of his left hand; Crowley wears the other such ring.

Chronic Fatigue Due to persistent trauma, Aziraphale has two levels of exhaustion as a baseline.

Channel Divinity: Nature's Wrath As an action, Aziraphale can cause spectral vines to ensnare one creature within 10 feet of him that he can see. That creature must succeed on its choice of a Strength or Dexterity saving throw or be restrained; it can repeat the saving throw at the end of each of its turns, freeing itself on a success. This causes the vines to vanish.

Protective Auras Provided that Aziraphale is not incapacitated, he and any creatures friendly to him who are within 30ft of him have a +6 bonus to saving throws and resistance to damage from spells, and cannot be inflicted with the 'frightened' condition by any means.

Divine Smite Aziraphale deals an extra 1d8 radiant damage with all weapon strikes (as detailed under 'Radiant Strike' in the 'Actions' section)

Undying Sentinel (1/day) Aziraphale falls to 1 hit point if he takes a hit that would reduce him to 0 hit points without killing him outright.

Magic Resistance Aziraphale has advantage on saving throws against spells and other magical effects.

Legendary Resistance (3/day) If he fails a saving throw, Aziraphale can choose to succeed on it instead.

Spellcasting Aziraphale is a 20th-level spellcaster. His spellcasting ability is Charisma (spell save DC 21, +13 to hit with spell attacks). He uses a butterfly-styled amulet as a spellcasting focus and as such requires no material components. He has the following paladin spells prepared, and casts warding bond at the start of combat:

Cantrips (at will): light, mending, holy word

1st level (4 slots): wrathful smite, divine favour, ensnaring strike (oath spell), speak with animals (oath spell)

2nd level (3 slots): branding smite, warding bond, moonbeam (oath spell), misty step (oath spell)

3rd level (3 slots): blinding smite, remove curse, aura of vitality, plant growth (oath spell), protection from energy (oath spell)

4th level (3 slots): aura of purity, supernal smite, staggering smite, ice storm (oath spell), stoneskin (oath spell)

5th level (2 slots): banishing smite, destructive wave, commune with nature (oath spell), tree stride (oath spell)

Actions

Multiattack Aziraphale makes two Radiant Strike attacks and either casts one spell or expends one charge from his ring of the ram.

Radiant Strike Melee Weapon Attack: +13 to hit, reach 5ft, one target. Hit: 15 (1d10+10) slashing damage plus 15 (2d10+1d8) radiant damage (Holy Avenger Longsword)/10 (1d6+7) bludgeoning damage + 4 (1d8) radiant damage (candelabra).

Radiant Soul Aziraphale unleashes the divine energy within him. For the next minute, he has luminous, incorporeal wings which grant him 30ft of flying speed and the ability to deal an extra 20 radiant damage on one weapon or spell strike per turn.

Elder Champion Aziraphale calls upon the strongest powers granted by his oath, gaining a leonine mane of shimmering butterfly wings. For the next minute, he regains 10 hit points at the start of each of his turns and can cast his paladin spells as a bonus action even if their casting time is 1 action; additionally, enemies within 10 feet of him have disadvantage on saving throws against his spells and Channel Divinity feature.

Reaction

Trauma Aziraphale is immune to all enchantment and illusion magic. Any such spell cast on him fails automatically; furthermore, he moves to within 5 feet of any creature that tries to cast such magic on him or Crowley and makes two weapon attacks on that creature, which are automatic critical hits.

---

Notes:

I wrote this with the Forgotten Realms setting in mind, since I'm most familiar with that world; translating things to another part of the D&D multiverse shouldn't be too much of a problem

I was leaning on the 2014 editions of the Player's Handbook, Monster Manual and Dungeon Master's Guide for this fic and statblock -- the 2024 PHB came out when I was halfway through typing up the statblock! XD

This statblock is intended to portray aasimar!Aziraphale in retirement; if you want to put him into your campaign as an active paladin, equip him with Plate Armour of Etherealness (angels aren't occult, after all!) and a shield in addition to the Holy Avenger Longsword; I'm torn between Euryale's Aegis, Sentinel Shield and a simple +3 shield (the latter two of which would free up an attunement slot for something else (maybe a Necklace of Prayer Beads?)). Whichever one you choose, tweak the statblock accordingly, and happy dungeoneering! And definitely drop me a line to let me know how it goes! :D

My autistic headcanon for Aziraphale really made itself felt while I was planning/writing this (I'm autistic myself and identify with Az to a slightly worrying degree, so I was probably projecting a bit while writing); I'm not entirely sure where the butterfly aspect came from, but eh, it fits ^^

Props to @vidavalor for doing a spot of beta reading :D

[shhh-no-ones-home]

thirst for life*

james "logan" howlett x reader

+++++++++

evidently i have a thing for disappearing for months only to come back, post mediocre smut, and then disappear again for another few months. either way, enjoy ;)

vampire!reader

* - this like mostly porn with a little bit of plot. shes a vampire so theres also talk of blood and ingesting it.

song: breakfast by dove cameron\

tag list: @hotchaosemporium

+++++++++

from the moment he walked in the bar i was intrigued. his smell was intoxicating with a hint of something unfamiliar. it was stronger than the other strangers in the packed establishment. which made me want to know more about him. or just to have him.

i watched as he sat down, looking from left to right before ordering a beer. i wondered who he would be looking for. or watching his back for. i tried to get into that pretty little head of his but something was blocking me. that made me more intrigued. and slightly irritated. 

i stood from my table, the girls i was there with looking up at me but not saying anything. they knew better. and more than that if i didn't find a toy to play with here one of them could end up the snack of the night. i walked slowly to the bar and sat down on the stool next to him.

"the usual please jimmy."

i sent him a look and he nodded. i owned most of this town, and they knew what i was. and most of them left me alone. i only fed when i needed to, but i had supply on tap here at the bar as well so i didnt have to. or at least not as much. ice cold blood just didnt always hit as much as warm 98 degrees did.

"you a regular?"

i heard from beside me and couldnt help the smirk making its way to my lips.

"you could say something like that."

i looked over at him as he took a swig of his beer.

"i havent seen you around before."

i noted, taking a sip from my glass.

"i just arrived into town. supposed to be passing through is all."

i raised a brow, turning on my stool to properly face him and crossing one leg over the other.

"you here on business?"

i inquired and he sort of nodded his head.

"you could say that."

he mocked and i squinted at him, watching him take another swig of his beer.

"names y/n."

he side eyed me.

"logan."

i took another sip, feeling the cold blood against my canines.

"well logan, i hope you stay a while. in our little new York town."

he laughed a little.

"most people dont have the same sentiment when they get to know me."

i bounced my leg up and down slowly, partially rubbing it against the back of his calf.

"most towns arent like this one."

he turned on his own stool to face me, pushing my leg to the side.

"jimmy, add his drink to my tab."

i said watching him close his mouth.

"not quite used to that are you?"

i teased and he faced the bar again, raising  a brow quickly and finishing his beer in one full gulp.

"almost makes me think."

i leaned forward, resting against my elbow on the bar.

"bout what? logan."

i said lowly, staring at him intently.

"your place or mine?"

he asked, turning his stool back towards me. i smirked.

"why wait that long?"

i asked, standing up and grabbing his hand. he allowed me to pull him off of his stool and across the bar. i caught him out of the corner of my eye glancing at the front door. i continued to pull him to the side door just beside the kitchen entrance. when we made it into the alleyway i turned around and let him push me into the brick wall.

there was only about a four foot space between the two buildings and there was no front entrance, only a back one where the freight trucks came through with their shipment dollies. this was the perfect place to feed... or do other activities.

"regular my ass."

he grunted as he started kissing down my neck hastily. i couldnt help the laugh that escaped as his hands roamed my hips.

"maybe a little more."

i breathed out, running my hands up his arms before pushing his jacket down them. it hit the ground with a thud, the leather heavy. he pushed forward, catching my lips in his and lifting me up, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"logan."

i sighed as he ground his hips against mine, his belt buckle pushing into me. he gripped my ass hard before working my dress up my thighs. i dug my nails into his upper arms, feeling his muscles tense as he moved. i could feel the blood rushing through his body making him warmer against my ice cold skin.

he kissed me harshly, fervently. i moaned again as he rocked his hips into mine, pressing his belt buckle into my core. it was cold in contrast to his warm body now only clothed by a plaid flannel button down that was starting to hang off his one shoulder.

"stop teasing."

i breathed out, reaching between us and grabbing at his belt. he looked down between us, grabbing the one end and helping me undo it. i could already feel the tent in his pants pressed against my inner thigh. i quickly undid the button of his pants and helped him push them down.

i held my panties to the side and watched as he guided his tip between my folds. i moaned as he pushed into me slowly, hearing him grunt and watching him look up at me. he looked between my eyes as he pulled out and rutted back into me.

"who's teasing?"

he smirked, doing it again. my mouth hung open and he leaned into me, kissing me harshly and pressing his tongue between my lips. i kissed him aggressively as he started a good pace. i readjusted against him, placing a hand flat on the brick behind me. he jutted into me, grunting as he threw his head back. in that moment i couldnt even think about what was going on between us.

his bare neck was mine for the taking. his veins were popping out like little rivers on a map. there were butterflies in my stomach but i wasnt quite sure if it was the insane blood lust or just the regular lust. i could feel my canine teeth poking out into my lip and couldnt help myself. i slowly traced my hand up his chest, placing it at the back of his neck and holding him steady and i leaned forward and sank my teeth into his exposed flesh.

he screamed through gritted teeth, holding me tighter to him. i squeezed my legs holding him in place. he turned us around so now his back was against the wall and i now looked like an animal that had stricken. my walls flexed around him and i could feel him moan as i drank from him. the taste was different than anything id had before. but then my focus shifted. his skin was trying to close around my teeth. i pulled back, my hands still holding him still, and watched the bite mark heel instantly.

"what are you?"

i asked, drawing my brows as he relaxed into the wall.

"im the wolverine."

he said, placing his fist against my stomach. the next thing i knew his metal claws were extended into my abdomen. i inhaled sharply, gripping onto his shirt like my life depended on it.

"thats not fair."

i smirked and he looked at me quizzically.

"you have no idea."

he said, retracting his claws, both of us looking down to see my own flesh healing in record time as well.

"well logan i think i have a solution to our little problem."

he raised a brow.

"and that would be?"

i rocked my hips forward, feeling him twitch inside me.

"fuck me as hard as you can."

i said darkly and he smiled.

"gladly."

he stepped across the alleyway and slammed my back into the opposing wall. i gasped, reaching my hand up to tangle in his already messy hair. he rested his head against my shoulder as he rocked his hips against mine. it was harsher this time though, and i could feel the bricks starting to crumble behind me as he pushed harder and harder with each thrust.

"fuck- logan."

i said through gritted teeth, his one hand reaching down between us to circle my clit and hold my panties further to the side. i lifted my one leg higher, pushing my knee into his ribs. he pushed deeper into me, biting at my shoulder to suppress his moans. then he let go of me with his other hand, placing it against the wall on the other side of my head. The only thing holding me up being the force he was pushing into me.

"im close."

he grunted, moving to bite more at my neck than my shoulder. i rocked my hips down into him as he jutted up into me again and again. we were both breathing heavy and i couldn't focus on anything other than holding onto him for dear life and the way his fingers against my clit felt mixed with him hitting deep inside of me and stretching me out.

"please."

i whined out, closing my eyes and tilting my head back, feeling my hair Velcro to the brick behind me. then i heard metal against it also. i looked over. his fingertips were hard pressed into the red tiles, claws fully extended and into the wall. his knuckles were white and there were now little indents in the brick where his fingertips rested.

i looked over at his face. his eyes were half closed and he leaned in to kiss me again. he breathed heavily against me, groaning into my mouth as i felt him twitch again. then i felt it too, my orgasm shooting its way through my body, his fingers never once stopping there motion against my clit.

i pulsed around him as he came in me, milking him for all he was worth. his pace got sloppier as he finished, riding me through my own orgasm, my walls contracting around him. i took a moment to catch my breath and he rutted into me again, pressing his fingers into my clit harder. i threw my head back, my legs shaking uncontrollably and my brain going fuzzy. 

i pressed my fingertips into him and i could hear him grunt again but i couldnt focus on that. all i could focus on was the intense pleasure taking over my body for a second time. as i calmed he stayed in me, holding me steady as i came back to reality. i breathed heavily, looking to the sky.  it was dark, like it was getting ready to rain.

"so, youre a vampire."

he brought me back and i looked down at him, wide eyed. he slowly pulled out of me and set me down.

"uh yeah."

i said, resituating my panties and watching him tuck himself back into his pants.

"whats that like?"

he asked casually, looking at me as he picked his leather jacket up off the concrete.

"im old, i drink a lot, and i cant be bothered with most people. but i own a lot of businesses and i enjoy little moments like this in my day to day."

he laughed as he swung it over his shoulder.

"sounds like you and i would get along great if youre done trying to snack on me."

i laughed as well, pulling my dress back down and opening the side door to the bar.

"if you plan on staying for a while i think i can arrange that. but dont blame me if i try again."

he sent me a look as he stepped back into the bar, pulling a cigar out of his jacket and lighting it.

"if it ends like that again i might be willing to make an exception."

i smirked as i followed him.

"youve got a deal."

[loiswasadevil]

This is my last straw I've been getting non stop asks from Smoleggon and his gang They just want to be my Catalyst by accusing me of having sex with my late brother and By being a pedophile all because I want to unite Family Guy fans. SMOLEGGON I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY BROTHER AND I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE EITHER I DONT TALK TO ANYBODY OR HAVE ANY FRIENDS FOR A REASON. Everybody just wants to fuck with me and Laugh at me like I'm just some kind of fucking joke and I can't take it The only people who pretend to like me Only do it because they think it's funny when I hurt. I'm not a fucking joke I'm a Person I'm a living breathing Person with feelings and I am Effected by the things you say like when you tell me I am why my Brother died as if I don't think about that Every day and telling me I had Sex with my brother and telling me I'm a pedophile because Minors following me telling me I have to keep a tab on every single one of my followers it's so fucking stressful. SO SMOLEGGON AND HIS GANG NEEDS TO STOP SENDING ME THIS BULLSHIT TRYING TO BE MY CATALYST. I would never have sex with my brother that is Disgusting I have no interest in Anybody at all romantically or sexually EXCEPT PETER BECAUSE HE IS MY HUSBAND. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. IM SICK OF YOU PERVERTS MAKING ME THINK ABOUT THIS DISGUSTING VILE THINGS I DON'T LIKE THIS. I DONT LIKE THIS I DONT LIKE BEING TALKED TO LIKE THIS I'M TIRED OF MY DEVIL HEART UNLOCKING BECAUSE OF DISGUSTING SHIT PEOPLE SEND INTO MY INBOX. CONSTANT DEATH THREATS FROM SMOLEGGON AND HIS GANG IN MY INBOX TELLING ME THEYLL FIND WHERE I LIVE AND HURT ME. I don't want to hurt anymore I'm so tired of my Devil's Heart. I wish I could be Normal like every body else but I'll just be Alone forever that's what connects me and Lois is nobody Understands her not even Peter the love of her life truly Understands how she feels inside and no matter how Many people she surrounds herself with she Will always be alone that's why I don't surround myself with Anybody anymore I tried with Joe and Bonnie but they were Fakers who pretended to be my friend Because they thought it was funny to make me hurt I try to keep Brian around but He never talks to me anymore I don't think he Cares about me I don't think he's faking like Bonnie and Joe but I do think he does not want to talk to me or watch cartoons like Family Guy and American Dad with me anymore even though he used to and Meg doesn't talk to me very often I'm glad when she does but we're not close she's just a Family Guy kin although I'm happy to have her around the only person who was ever close to me was Caleb and he was constantly my Catalyst just like Peter to Lois. But I miss Caleb I really do because even when he was Ignoring me I felt like I had somebody to talk to but now I'm Alone and after this slander Campaign by Smoleggon I'm scared that people will Believe these Lies they are obsessed with spreading because they're Obsessed with me. I just want to unite all Family Guy fans and I don't understand why I get this kind of hate I didn't do anything wrong no matter what Platform I go on I get hate even in real life when it was just me and Jonas I would get constant Hate from my Mom and Dad because of Family Guy they would beat me within an inch of my life because of Family Guy I would lay on my bedroom floor bleeding and crying and Jonas was the only one who was there for me and he would wash my Wounds and sing me the Family Guy theme song to calm me down I miss Jonas and I do feel like it's my fault he died because if I wasn't obsessed with Family Guy he would've moved on and we wouldn't have to Run Away to talk about Family Guy and play Family Guy outside or get sent to the Tent. Smoleggon when you send me asks about my brother and about being a horrible person it really effects me. I know you think it's funny to be my Catalyst but it Hurts. So I hope you see this post and realize I'm not that different from you and I hope you can sympathize and tell your minions to leave me alone and please Move on.