#i changed my mind fairly quickly
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comedy--pink · 2 months ago
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DUDE YOU ALSO HAVE A MANTIS WOMAN??? OMG I WANNA SEE HER :0 /NF
Also, i happen to actually have another mm OC who's based on an orchid mantis as well named Orchid Man skks
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she's nnnnot done but yeah. creature feature‼️
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theaceace · 8 months ago
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imagining a world in which Simon agreed to go with Edwin and try to escape hell, imagining Simon developing an immediate and very inadvisable crush on the cute guy that just threw a grenade at a demon and Edwin's reaction to that, imagining the reaction of Charles Overprotective Rowland when he finds out that the guy Edwin insists on dragging along with them is one of the guys that sacrificed him to a demon in the first place, imagining the Night Nurse's face when three dead boys pop back through the door instead of two
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sovonight · 2 years ago
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#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭#i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him#in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest?#and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience#currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her#i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her#once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1#so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare#he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow#and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over#(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)--#and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her#--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments#it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all#look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly#like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'#but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this#while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was#like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter--#also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face#when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her???#in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly--#--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple#idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense#because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue--#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc#meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times#so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH#anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today#my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Game time >:3c (Patreon)
#Doodles#The game concept I referenced a bit back!#Technically this would fall under#Dream log#In the dream it had a much cleaner aesthetic which is actually a bit ironic haha considering the POV had just made it on the spot#It should've looked much more like mine! I also made mine quite quickly to make sure it got out of my head and into physicality :)#They must've had quite the production team haha ♪ Crisp laminated cards and a 15-slot board!#Thinking about translating it to the real world I went for an L-shape so I wouldn't have to use too much paper#But it would probably be a fold-out map in three sections - I'm still into the idea of making it modular as well :)#Or at least able to change out different boards for different stories and plot beats! Mix things up!#Very much like Madlibs in that way#So far the playtesting has been minimal but if nothing nothing else it was fun to doodle up and consider the characters and locations ♪#Starter pack! Comes with expansions with more characters and places! Hehe#I really enjoy drawing with decisive lines I just get nervous rather often ahh#But drawing like this is so fun! It's almost like drawing with ink :) No erasing! Careful and carefree! It's very fun#Especially when they turn out so cute <3 Like the Ghost or the Scientist haha ♪ I might've made the latter with smol in mind hehe#She did end up liking them :)#I also tried to keep most of them fairly gender neutral or at least open to interpretation since anyone could pick any card :)#Combining design elements like for the Medic of the mask-uline and feminine head covering hehe ♪#I think the Ghost is still my favourite tho which is funny 'cause I initially only drew a sheet ghost#The skeleton inside makes them so much cuter! Haha#They're all cute though :D Love when that happens ♪#I have a few more ideas - more for expansion packs later!
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elliewithcellie · 7 months ago
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Protector
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summary: After months working for the BAU, your harbored feelings for your boss seem unrequited until your hunt for the unsub goes awry. (hotch x fem!reader)
wc: 9.8k (oh my god)
cw: slow burn, boss/employee dynamic, age gap pairing, criminal minds level violence, mention of alcoholism, implication of father issues, hurt/comfort, reader gets hurt, fluff, angst, SMUT (18+ MDNI), oral (f receiving), p in v sex, Hotch is a professional at heart and takes work boundaries seriously
a/n: Back in the saddle with a new man to hyper-fixate on. Hotch can GET IT. Also, let me know if anyone wants the SFW version I'm working on
“Looks like we’re doubling up,” Hotch announced, a sigh escaping his lips.
Before you could even process his words, the rest of the team sounded off, choosing their roommates for the duration of the case. All that remained were you and your boss. With the team dispersing, you awkwardly shifted your duffle bag to your other shoulder and looked up at Hotch.
His stern expression didn’t change as he looked back at you. “Come on. We’re 202.”
You followed him to the elevators, still unsure what to think. This was not only your boss but someone you had garnered quite a fondness for since you joined the BAU. Of course, you had managed yourself professionally thus far, but you were sure this was going to test your limits.
You understood the immediate pairings among the rest of the team. You were still fairly new, not quite to the rapport that the team had formed with each other. But it also made you think about how no one chose Hotch. The pressure to be Unit Chief also had to be lonely.
The elevator chimed, and the two of you shuffled in. You kept to yourself, trying to maintain composure. The lift from the first floor to the second felt like an hour, the silence deafening. You couldn’t shake your nerves. The doors opened, and he stepped out. You quickly followed.
Hotch opened the door and allowed you in first. The two double beds, office chair, mini fridge, and small bathroom were all less comforting to you than normal.
“Do you mind if I take the bed by the door?” Hotch asked, his voice softer than usual.
You blinked up at him, stirred from your preoccupation. “Yeah, of course. I like the window side anyway.”
“Thank you. If you’d like, you can have the shower first. I’d like to call Jack before he heads to bed.”
“Sounds good.”
You began to unpack your belongings and sighed in dismay. You had assumed that you would have a room to yourself as usual, so your pajamas were a little more revealing than you’d prefer your boss to see. Still, a t-shirt and shorts were reasonable sleep attire, so you tried not to dwell on it. You collected your things as Hotch dialed a number on his phone.
“Hey, buddy, how was your day?”
You smiled to yourself as you entered the bathroom. His “dad” voice was more upbeat, yet calm and soothing. With Hotch distracted on the phone, you could relax in the shower. The boiling water stung your skin, just the way you needed it. As you relaxed, you realized how silly it was for you to stress over the rooming situation. Hotch was here to do his job, just like you. And other than his intelligence, his kindness, and his fierce compassion for kids, you were sure you were only infatuated with him.
You finished up your shower and towel-dried your hair once you could no longer hear his muffled voice through the door. You were desperate not to waste Hotch’s time. With your hair still wet and your large t-shirt hanging over your shorts, you timidly exited the bathroom back to your bed, on your toes as if you were sneaking around. Hotch sat on his bed, his coat jacket now on the desk chair. He flipped through channels with the remote in one hand and loosened his tie with the other.
“All yours,” you spoke, struggling to get the words out.
Hotch looked up at you and gave a small smile. “Thanks.” He gathered up his things and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Another sigh of relief left your lips. You grabbed the book from your duffle and climbed into bed. You rolled over to turn on the lamp next to you and began to read, but before you knew it, sleep overtook you.
------
“Hotchner.”
You woke up to Hotch answering his phone. The sky was still dark. The only light illuminating the room was the alarm clock. You realized that you hadn’t turned off the lamp before you fell asleep, nor did you place your book carefully on the side table with a hotel pen as the bookmark.
“Alright. Yes. Right. Understood. We’ll be right over.”
You looked up at Hotch expectantly. He looked at you, then averted his eyes as he got out of bed. “Another young girl missing. She’s only 16.” He paced the floor for a moment, a short-lived break from the stoic leader he always has to be.
“I’ll call the others,” you said sitting up. His eyes returned to yours, the strain turning into relief. He only nodded and headed for the closet, suiting up right there.
You called the others and followed suit, leaving the hotel parking lot by 3:46 am.
------
The next 18 hours were long, stressful, and only moderately successful. The team was able to work out an arrangement with the kidnapper before their 24 hours were up. The girl, Heather, was returned to her parents with only a few bruises. But the kidnapper got away, practically goading you all at the ability to remain anonymous. The team was exhausted and out of ideas.
The team drove back to the hotel without a single word exchanged. The kidnapper’s voice rang in your head. He was so confident, arrogant even. There was almost never a moment where he fumbled over his words or cracked. His ruse lasted for hours. But he got sloppy in the end, fessing up to her location just enough for Garcia to triangulate. But something wasn’t adding up to you: his willingness to run instead of killing her when he had the chance.
Hotch spoke up, stirring you from your ruminations. “We need to start from scratch. Reid, give us a rundown on what, where, and why.”
“Well, we know his victims are all young women now ranging from 16 to 23. They come from middle to upper-class families. He sends messages to the families always demanding ransom within 24 hours. Three women have been killed, and now two have survived. The strange part is whether or not he stays truthful to his word. The parents have always given him what he wants, but then it’s up to his discretion whether he follows through.”
 “Based on these girls,” Prentiss interjected, “this guy’s intelligent. He prides himself on the ability to get away with this.”
“That’s good,” Hotch said, eyes still on the road. “But why work with us sometimes and not others?
The SUV hummed as its passengers sat in silence.   
You decided to speak up. “Prentiss said he prides himself on the ability to get away with this, right?” Everyone sat still, expectant for you to continue. “We’re looking at this the wrong way. This isn’t a sadist who gets off on killing. This isn’t a psychopath with a compulsion. This is a narcissistic sociopath who has been evading capture for weeks now. This is a game to him. It’s a game he knows he can win.”
“Which is why when he’s pressured, he releases the girl.” Hotch nodded along.
“He can take a loss where he can because, to him, the ultimate win is to not get caught,” Reid agreed.
“Great work,” Hotch said, parking the car. “You guys head in and get some good sleep. I’ll fill in the other van. Be ready for a big day of planning.”
You walked up with Reid and Prentiss, a small smile refusing to leave your lips. You cracked it, you thought to yourself.
Your two teammates teased each other up to the rooms, you following close behind. You weren’t the type to inject yourself into other people’s conversations, which ended up making it hard to connect with them. It was as if you had been adopted into a family that has known each other their whole lives. You were respected, sure, so there was no need to complain. You just wished that you could make jokes with them and have the levity they had during intense cases like this.
Still, even hearing your teammates laugh was enough for you tonight. You longed for a moment longer, but they said their goodnights and headed off.
You entered your room, much more relaxed than the night before. You had yourself all worked up, and for what? You gathered your things and headed to the shower, sure that Hotch wasn’t far behind and would call his son again.
As you exited the bathroom, Hotch entered the room. You jumped despite yourself.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said.
“It’s ok,” was all you said in response. You returned your things to your bag and slid into bed. You turned on the lamp and began reading while Hotch took his turn in the shower.
You were still reading when he returned, the book more interesting now than it was the night before. You glanced up only for a moment. Hotch wore striped pajama pants tonight, contrasted to the boxers you accidentally noticed earlier that morning. You looked back at your book but couldn’t read it. Your mind wandered to the message Hotch could be sending. Maybe your shorts were inappropriate. Maybe you weren’t meant to see his boxer shorts at all. Maybe he was just cold.
“Good work today,” Hotch said, interrupting your thoughts.
You smiled up at him. “It was a team effort.”
“We may have never come to the conclusion you did. Take the compliment.” Hotch’s lips raised to a subtle smirk, something you’ve only seen a handful of times and certainly never directed toward you.
“Yes, sir,” you said. “Thank you.” You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Your eyes drifted back to your book.
“What’s your book about?”
Was Hotch trying to make conversation with you? True, it wasn’t as late as yesterday’s arrival, but in all of your months of working for the BAU, any discussion with the team had been strictly professional. Still, you blushed at the question.
“It’s a romance,” you confessed.
“I have to say,” Hotch began, “I’ve never read a romance novel. What about it appeals to you?”
You thought for a moment. “I guess it’s the suspension of disbelief. The relief to enter a reality where people love in big, romantic ways. Don’t you ever want to get swept off your feet?”
You cringed at the question, debating on whether it was appropriate to ask your superior about romance.
“I think I’d rather do the sweeping,” Hotch said thoughtfully.
You smiled at his words.
“You don’t think people love in romantic ways in this reality?” Hotch asked, looking up at the ceiling. His breaths were calm, and his face seemed to soften from serious to curious.
“I don’t know,” you said sincerely. “My sister is about to marry a real stand-up guy. He’s caring and has a good family who loves her, too. It’s one of those one-and-done fairy tale deals. Like truly made for each other. But I wouldn’t say that’s the norm. It’s not my norm, at least. So, yeah, I guess you could say I’m skeptical.”
You crossed your legs and fiddled with your thumbs. You tried not to reflect on your history, tried not to give any clue to your boss of your true beliefs. It didn’t ultimately matter to the conversation, anyway. The silence stewed as it stirred up new thoughts and old patterns, feeling yourself shut down the conversation. You didn’t mean to. You hated being seen as the one that was boring outside of work. The one that wasn’t friendly enough to get to know.
“I’m sure you don’t know,” Hotch began again, shaking you from your anxious thoughts, “but bringing up your sister reminded me that I met your dad a few years ago.”
You shot up. “You know about him?” You covered your face with your hands.
“He was nationally awarded for his work in counterterrorism. Of course, I know about him.” He laughed softly, a sound you weren’t used to but would never complain to hear it again. “I met him on a job in Bakersfield. He knew the town like the back of his hand. Is he why you joined?”
“In a roundabout way,” you sighed.
“He brought up his girls every chance he could.” Hotch smiled and turned to face you. “One was a soccer star in South Carolina on track to be a doctor. One was a track star a semester away from graduating with honors and applying to Physician Assistant programs, I believe.”
“My sisters are overachievers,” you said.
“Then it’s you he talked about the most. The musician, the future psychologist, the one who found fascination with the minute details of life.”
“My dad said all that?”
“He did. He had offered us beers when it was all over, and he shared photos of you all. You’re certainly much more grown now.” He chuckled.
Your cheeks flushed red at the comment.
“I showed him Jack playing tee-ball, and we both shared some stories before it was time to go. He had some great advice to give.”
“I’m sure he did,” you mumbled. “Sir, I don’t want you to think I got in because of him. He didn’t know until I made it to Quantico. I mean, yes, he always pushed the army and West Point like him, but I did this all on my own, Mr. Hotchner, I swear.”
“Hotch is fine,” he gently corrected. “I’m not worried about where you came from. I knew the entire time. But your qualifications are what got you on the team, not your father. Keep up the good work, and I’ll continue to remember that.”
“Yes, sir.” You thought to yourself for a moment. The candor of the conversation may have added to your bravery in this moment. “Hotch?”
He raised his eyebrows to imply he was listening.
“Umm, Is there anything that I can do to, like… never mind. I’m about to sound pathetic.” You huffed back down into your pillow. You couldn’t believe you were about to ask Hotch how to make friends.
“They’ll warm up to you, just like you’ll warm up to them. Just keep doing what you’re doing, and I’m sure they’ll see you for who you are.”
You sighed again. Of course, he knew what you were stressing about. He’s the chief profiler after all.
“I’ll let you read now,” Hotch said, getting up from bed. “I’m going to call Jack.”
You gave a small smile and nodded, and he left the room.
------
You woke up the next morning to Hotch returning to the room, two disposable coffee cups and a case file in his hands.
You jerked up from bed. “Am I late?” you asked, scared you slept through the alarm.
“No, no,” he said, walking over to you. “I’m early. Coffee?”
He held out one of the cups to you. You gently accepted.
“Thank you.” You looked over at the clock. 5:54. You rubbed your eyes. “Are you always up this early?”
“On the job, yes,” he said with no inflection. “Much to think about, and much to be done.” He sat back on his bed and reviewed the file you knew he had reviewed countless times. If he was anything like you, he was searching for some hidden puzzle piece, something that the team must have missed to solve the case once and for all. But it was never that easy. Still, maybe some fresh eyes could help.
You slid out of your bed and rested on top of his. “Can I help?”
“Be my guest.” He shifted the file your way for a better vantage point. You crossed your legs and sipped your coffee before getting to work.
You found yourself lost in thought, jotting down those thoughts in the margins. It helped to visualize your connections, even drawing physical lines to connect them. You noticed that the most recent girl didn’t fit the age range of the others, 19-23. You dug deeper, making a note to ask Garcia to run the connection between all of these girls. College? you wrote. There was a college campus within ten minutes of the hotel. One more thing struck you. All of the victims had their hair up in a high ponytail. You weren’t sure how that was associated yet, but you wrote beside each of the photos anyway.
As the early sun began to rise, you grew brutally aware of Hotch’s presence. His body leaned closer to yours, and you felt his eyes sear into your skin. You grew distracted, your mind wandering to the fact that you were wearing only a loose shirt and small shorts in Hotch’s bed. Was he noticing the same thing? Was this a breach of professionalism? Were you making him uncomfortable? Against all your will, you felt your body temperature rise in the form of a blush.
The alarm clock rang out, pulling both Hotch and your attention. You stretched over to turn it off.
“I’ll let you get ready,” Hotch said, jumping out of bed. He headed to the door, refusing to meet your gaze. “Meet me downstairs?”
“Yes, sir,” you said, slightly surprised by the questioning tone of your superior. He nodded and left the room before another word could be spoken.
-------
In the conference room of the local police station sat the team, all watching Hotch interact with the captain of the squad through the glass. You stayed facing the table with your head low. You couldn’t help the bounce of your leg. While the others inferred the conversation outside, your mind had fixated on the morning’s events. The heat of your boss’s breath had tattooed your skin, a branding to the back of your neck. The intimacy, the closeness, and then the flustered nature Hotch left in replayed in your mind. You couldn’t look at him until you could properly collect yourself.
“What’s on your mind, kiddo?” Morgan asked. Your head shot up. All eyes were on you now. You failed to hide the rouging in your cheeks.
“Nothing.” You shrugged, though you knew the contradiction in your body language.
JJ chuckled. “Nothing? You’re so tense, so distracted.”
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, huh?” Morgan asked again, a smile growing on his face. “Hotch keeping you up all night?”
You flinched at his name. You couldn’t help it, but you outed yourself all the same.
“No, I slept fine. I swear.”
“You flinched!” Prentiss laughed and pointed. “It is about Hotch, isn’t it?”
“Leave the poor girl alone,” Rossi said, not bothering to look up from his newspaper.
“Hon, you better tell us what happened in the next three seconds.” Derek swatted at Spencer’s chest. “Reid, help us out, here.”
“Based on the months we’ve known her, she tends to—”
 “Don’t you start profiling me, Reid.” You glared at Spencer across the table.
His arms shot up in the air as if to surrender, but a smirk remained on his face. “All I’m saying is that I know the physical signs of a crush when I see one.”
Your jaw dropped. The conference room filled with laughter.
“Leave her alone!” Garcia yelled from behind you. “She’s our sensitive little one!”
“I’m not 5,” you mumbled, crossing your arms. Penelope hugged you from behind as if to protect you from the others. The others continued to laugh, causing you to smile despite yourself. Morgan took a photo of you and Garcia, and warmth spread through you. Even with all the teasing, being here with the team felt good.
Just then Hotch rushed through the door. “Alright, let’s be seated and get to work. We have a big day ahead of us.” Garcia took her seat, but Hotch stayed standing, opting to position himself in front of the whiteboard. “After speaking with the captain and going through the case file with Y/N this morning, I determined our best attack on the situation. Though, it is rather unorthodox.”
The rest of the team stayed silent, waiting for the punchline. Hotch continued. “What do we know about our killer better than anything? His victimology. We know that he goes after girls and young women aged 16-23. They are middle to upper-class, and not the type to find themselves in trouble. Now, who do we all know who fits this very description?”
“Y/N,” Reid said.
All eyes returned to you, this time with a seriousness looming in the air.
“If we don’t want any other kidnappings, we need to give him what he wants. Going after the 16-year-old was off for him. He’s devolving. Which means we need to act fast before he kills again. This is the only way we can approach this head-on.”
“Hotch,” Emily began, “with all due respect, let me take this on. Or JJ. JJ has experience.”
“With his victimology going as low as 16 now, it should be someone who looks the part,” Reid replied.
“She’s just a kid, Hotch.” Morgan reached his hand toward your shoulder, but you gently nudged it away.
“But I’m not a kid at all,” you spoke up. “I have two degrees and the same job as the rest of you. I know I’m young and look younger, but I’m qualified. If my appearance can be used to put this guy away, then let me help. Let me do my job.” You looked up at Hotch, a sudden confidence flowing through your veins. “What do you need me to do?”
-------
For the rest of the day, the team helped you prepare for your role as a 22-year-old college student. The team strategized and planned, desperate to ensure your safety. Everyone added their two cents, but you were happy to receive all the insight you were given. You weren’t going to screw this up for them.
You, Hotch, Prentiss, and Morgan returned to the hotel to pick among your belongings to dress the part. Rossi, Reid, and JJ stayed behind with Garcia to set up intel at the station.
“The shorts you wore to bed,” Hotch began, “go put those on while we find a sweatshirt or jacket. In fact, wear the shirt you wore, too. The size could conceal the mic better.”
You nodded and grabbed your things before heading into the bathroom. It was not lost on you that your boss was thoroughly aware of your pajama situation, but due to the pivotal role you were to perform, it was easier to focus on the task at hand.
You returned from the bathroom where Emily greeted you with the mic. You lifted your arms, allowing Emily to snake the mic underneath your shirt, securing it to your sternum with sports tape. While doing so, Hotch and Morgan returned with a single sweatshirt in Morgan’s hand. It was grungy and old, not quite the goal aesthetic.
Still, Morgan handed it to you to try on. The three profilers evaluated your look.
“This isn’t gonna work,” Morgan said. Prentiss pinched her eyebrows together in dismay. Hotch stayed staring.
“Take off the sweatshirt,” Hotch ordered. “I think I have something better.”
You did as he said while he rummaged through his duffle bag. He pulled out a quarter zip of excellent quality, something he only wears on a successful plane ride home.
“Put it on.”
You didn’t hesitate to follow his instructions. It was a large fit, hanging just above the hem of your shorts and the sleeves landing at your fingertips. The three of them looked at you, then to their reference photos, then back at you. Something was missing.
“Call Reid. Maybe he can find any other similarity we’re missing,” Hotch said.
“No, I got it.” You remembered the notes you made earlier that morning. You took the hair tie from your wrist and pulled your hair up into a high ponytail. “Now, what do you think?”
“That’s it,” Morgan said.
“And just in time,” Emily noted, “We gotta get you to the college fast.”
On the ride to the school, Hotch reiterated the goals in place.
“All you need to do is walk across campus using the roads. Keep to yourself, and most importantly, do not—and I mean it—do NOT, get into the vehicle under any circumstances. Stall him, flirt with him, do anything you can to keep him in place. We’ll be right there. Got it?”
“Yes, sir. I got it.”
“We’re counting on you.”
“Good luck.” Prentiss smiled with seriousness behind her eyes.
Morgan grabbed your shoulder, turning you around. “Be smart, kiddo.”
You returned a small smile and left the van to venture on your walk.
------
You had to have walked the streets for at least an hour. The campus was massive, larger than any school you attended. You did as you were told and kept to yourself. The sun had long since set, so there was no warmth to guard you from the biting breeze. A car or two passed periodically, but none slowed down beside you. There was a peace in the solitude. One could chalk it up to the calm before the storm, but you weren’t afraid.
Another car passed, but this time it slowed down. Your heart stopped and landed in your throat.
“Excuse me,” the man called out. The voice was unforgettable. The very same voice that threatened to kill the girl over the phone. The voice that replayed in your mind for hours. You knew it was him.
You turned to face him, trying to commit every detail to memory. He was a conventionally attractive man with lighter hair and a smile that you would have swooned over under any other circumstance. He wore a white polo and jeans and drove a two-door black convertible with the top down.
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m looking for a party my buddy’s throwing, but I don’t go here.”
“I’ll say you don’t,” you chuckled as you walked closer. “Your car must cost my tuition!”
The man grinned. “You like? I could take you for a spin. But I’ll have you know; I like to go fast.”
“Mmmm, top-down, wind in my hair,”—you inched closer still, to feign some sort of interest— “but don’t you have a party you’re missing?”
“Well, if you show me where to go, maybe I’ll consider you my plus one.” He winked.
“Now, do I look like the partying type to you?” You laughed and rested your arms on his car door.
Without another word, he grabbed you by the upper arms and pulled you into the driver’s seat. You screamed at the top of your lungs. You tried to fight him from your disadvantaged position, but he was stronger, quicker. He forced you into the passenger seat as he wailed punch after punch into your jaw.
“Nice. Girls. Don’t. Scream!” he yelled. He punctuated his words with one final blow to the head. And as you drifted out of consciousness, you weren’t sure if the roof was closing above you or if the sky was turning black.
------
The sound of fireworks stirred you from your unconsciousness. Lights of reds and blues lit the night sky. You smiled at the serenity of the celebration. You didn’t want to go, but the strong hands beneath you lifted you away. You were much too tired to argue, his heartbeat lulling you to sleep. The faint words “stay with me” echoed in your mind, and if staying meant remaining in the comfort of the person who held you, you’d be content to stay there forever.
------
You woke up to blinding white lights. This must be heaven you assumed. You blinked through the searing lights and realized it wasn’t heaven at all. You were in a hospital. The sheets, the gown, the blinking monitors, and a small TV playing all clouded your senses. You reached up to rub your head, but someone was holding your hand.
Hotch moved with you, stirring him out of his strained slumber. He had pulled a chair to your bed, his head resting next to your knee. He lifted his head and looked up at you, an urgency deep within his eyes.
“How are you feeling?” He didn’t let go of your hand.
“I—uhhh—Hotch, what’s goin’ on?” You found your breathing quickening at the sound of your slurred speech, the confusion becoming too much to handle.
“You’re ok. You’re gonna be ok. The doctor said they want to keep you overnight, but the team’s on their way.”
“No, no.” You pulled your hand away. “They can’t see me like this. You can’t see me like this! I’m not put together. I—I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I can’t feel my arms. Are my hands shaking? I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out!”
Hotch all but jumped at your ramblings, his eyebrows raised in shock. Before he could answer you burst into tears.
“Hotch, I’m gonna be sick,” you said through your convulsions.
Hotch jumped up in search of a bucket. He grabbed the trashcan at the corner of the room and brought it to you just in time. Tears streamed down your face as you threw up into the trashcan. Hotch held your hair back and gently rubbed your back.
Your nausea subsided, but your panic remained. Hotch sat on the bed, pulling you into his chest. You gripped him with all your might, desperate for the shakes to go away.
“You're alright. You're safe, ok? I think the medicine is messing with you a little. Take some deep breaths for me. I need you to relax, ok?”
You tried to take breaths at the pace Hotch set. Hotch’s hand combed through your hair as he tried to soothe you. Eventually, you were able to cool off. Hotch gently rested you back on your pillow. “Why don’t we go back to sleep for a little, ok? I think you’ll feel better when you wake up.”
You nodded, your face still wet from the tears. You repositioned yourself and fell asleep within moments.
When you woke up again, your mind was your own. Your head was pounding, and your body ached. You allowed yourself to adjust to your environment before searching for Hotch. There he sat by your bed, talking to a nurse. You cleared your throat effortfully. Hotch stood and approached you.
“How are you?”
“Everything hurts.”
“They’re giving you ibuprofen now. It seems like you were reacting to the morphine poorly.”
“That’s embarrassing.”
“Not at all,” Hotch said seriously. “Do you remember what I told you? That they want to keep you overnight?”
“That does ring a bell,” you said as you rubbed your head. “Is the team here?”
“They are. I told them to wait outside until you were ready.”
“Oh, ok.” You thought for a moment. “Hotch?”
“Yes?”
“Can—Can you tell me what happened? Like, did we win? Is everyone ok?”
Hotch chuckled, but his eyes appeared sad. “Everyone is fine. We got him. Are you sure you want to talk about this now? Why don’t we wait until you—”
“Hotch. Please.”
Hotch sighed and took a moment to think. “Well, we knew we were looking for an expensive convertible thanks to you.” He smiled. “So, we began our search as you spoke. But then, we all heard you scream.”
You flinched at the word, your memory of the gruesome event beginning to reassemble.
“Of course, it was full speed at that point. He had you, and we weren’t going to lose you. We cornered him on a dead-end road just outside of campus. We didn’t let him get far. Prentiss shot out one of his tires, so he started running. Prentiss and Morgan ran for him, and I ran to you.”
He paused. He looked away as his bottom lip trembled. He took a deep breath in as he settled into his natural professionalism again.
“We had EMT on standby, so we were able to get here quickly.”
You nodded, realizing it was Hotch who carried you out. The fireworks, the lights, the “stay with me”, the reality of it all crashed in on you in the form of a shudder.
“It was you?” you asked.
Hotch knit his eyebrows together and tilted his head. “What do you mean?”
“You pulled me out. I felt you. I think I heard you.”
“Someone had to make sure you were ok.”
The fact that it was Hotch warmed your heart. Still, a question lingered in your mind. “Is he still alive?”
Hotch shook his head no.
“Mm,” was all you could say in response. There was no room for emotion. No time to process an opinion. You were just glad it was over. “What time is it?”
Hotch checked his watch. “It’s 2:43.”
“In the morning? Sir, with all good intentions, go to bed. Go tell the team to—”
Just behind Hotch, you caught a glimpse of Spencer in the doorway. “Is now a good time?” he asked.
You smiled and nodded. Spencer peeked his head back out and in a loud whisper said, “It’s clear! Go, go, go!”
The rest of the team hustled into the room and crowded around your bed. One by one, greetings and gentle hugs made their rounds, and your smile grew bigger and bigger.
“It’s a party now,” you said, a giggle bubbling out of your throat.
“Oh, she’s got the right idea,” JJ said as she sat close to you on the bed. She carefully moved a strand of hair from your face.
Prentiss laughed. “All we need now is some good music, a dance floor, and some drinks.”
The room filled with a few laughs and overall agreement.
“Too bad you all aren’t even supposed to be here,” Hotch said, slightly scolding the team. “It’s probably time for you all to call it a night.”
“Aw, Hotch, just a few minutes?” Garcia asked.
“We’ll be quiet!” Reid said.
Everyone looked at Hotch expectantly. You looked around at your teammates. They all were begging for a couple more minutes with you. That alone allowed your pain to subside.
Hotch sighed. “Just a couple more minutes.” A small smile formed on his face.
Everyone crowded around the bed, content murmurs and chatter filling the room again.
“Now be honest, guys. How bad do I look?” You shot them all a cheesy smile to sell it.
A few of them chuckled at your antics.
“I think you’ll be back to dating in no time,” Prentiss joked. “Guys love a badass scar.”
“Yeah, ’cause she was dating before,” JJ teased as she played with your hair.
“Shut up!” you giggled, coughing a little.
“I’ll get you water.” Hotch shot up and walked off.
“I’ll go with him,” Rossi said, sighing.
A seriousness enveloped the room. Derek was the first to speak up. “You know, you really scared us today, kiddo. Not to get all big brother on you, but it was tough seeing Hotch carrying you like that. Just limp.”
“And imagine how Hotch must have felt,” Reid said.
You looked up at him. “What do you mean?”
Just then Hotch and Rossi returned with your water.
“Drink,” he said, his arm outstretched. You grabbed the water from him, your fingers overlapping his. The memory of his hands shot through your spine. His frantic begging for you to stay with him, much more panicked than you remembered the phrase.
Imagine how Hotch must have felt.
“It’s getting late,” Rossi said.
The rest of the team grumbled and said their goodbyes. Hotch allowed the rest of the team to go, lingering in the room with you.
“If you need me to stay, I’d be happy to do so.”
“You need sleep, sir.”
“I’ll sleep on the plane,” he said as if it was nothing to him. “If you don’t think you’ll need me, I can let you be. We can be here early to pick you up.”
You thought for a moment. You didn’t want him to go, just in case. “Would you be willing to stay?”
“It’s why I offered.”
You felt your lip begin to tremble, the brave face for the rest of the team beginning to fade. “Hotch?”
“What can I do?”
“Well, I just… Can I use your phone? I think my mom should know I’m alright.”
“Of course.” He handed you his phone. “I’ll wait right outside for you.”
When the phone call was finished, Hotch returned and sat down in the chair.
“If you’re going to stay, I at least want you comfortable,” you said.
“The chair is fine,” Hotch said, taking his coat off for the first time today. “Get some sleep.”
You scooted to the side of your bed. “Here. At least sit up here where there’s some cushion.”
He didn’t respond right away. You knew you could convince him.
“I promise I’ll sleep,” you continued. “I’d be up worrying about your discomfort otherwise.”
Hotch sighed and stood up. “Only because I want you to sleep.”
He sat in the space you made for him at your feet. He stretched his legs alongside yours and rested his back against the footboard of the hospital bed.
You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you curled up on your side. The comfort in knowing that he was there to take care of you was enough to send you off to sleep in minutes.
“Goodnight, Hotch.”
“Goodnight.”
------
You woke up to something you had never seen before. Hotch was asleep at the foot of your bed, resting his head against your shins. A hand was placed just below your knee as if he planned to protect you in his sleep. It was the most peaceful you had ever seen him. He didn’t look cross or serious. He was calm and relaxed. You smiled to yourself. You had to fight the urge to return his touch. You knew the moment he woke up he’d return to his professional senses, and you weren’t quite ready for this moment to be over.
The doctor walked in to check on you, stirring him awake, anyway.
“I’m clearing you. Take these twice a day. Your jaw is going to be sore for a couple weeks, so work up to crunchy and chewy foods. And please, no strenuous activity for at least a full week.”
“Yes, ma’am,” you said, taking the bottle of pills.
“Thank you,” Hotch said. He stood up from your bed as the doctor left. He threw his jacket on and fixed his hair in the window’s reflection.
You sat up and swung your legs off the bed. Hotch spun around and met you at your side.
“How can I help?”
You chuckled. “I think I can stand on my own.”
His eyes shared signs of concern and disbelief. Still, he took a small step back and allowed you to gather your bearings. Standing on your own, you closed the small gap between you. You began to become painstakingly aware of your attire being only a hospital gown and rubber socks.
“You got it?” Hotch asked, his arms out like you were a baby taking your first steps.
“Mmhmm,” you said. “Are my clothes here?”
“Yes, let me grab them for you.” He rushed to the corner of the room where your clothes had been neatly folded, including his sweater. He handed them all to you, his hands brushing against yours. Your heart fluttered in your chest as he stood over you. You looked up at him. His eyes returned your gaze, though you weren’t able to read him. His chest rose and fell as if his breathing was slow and deliberate.
“I’m going to call the team,” Hotch said, his voice low. “Do you—do you need help with anything before I do?”
All you could do was shake your head no on instinct, your eyes not leaving his. He stayed still. His eyes scanned you like he was contemplating something. He backed up carefully and pulled his phone from his coat pocket.
“Wait,” you said.
He froze.
You felt your face redden as you worked up the courage to continue. “Could—could you untie the top for me? My shoulder—”
“You don’t have to explain,” he said softly as he inched forward again. “Turn around.”
You did as you were told. He brushed your hair over your shoulder and began to work on the knot. His calloused fingers feathered your skin. His warm breath betrayed you as chills ran down your spine. He untied the knot, allowing cool air to reach the back of your now-open gown. Hotch turned to leave.
“Be careful,” he said at the door. “If you need me, knock on the glass.”
You nodded.
He closed the door behind him, leaving you alone.
------
The drive from the hospital to the hotel rendered the air stale. Hotch had insisted on helping you out of the hospital and into the car. But he didn’t speak. He drove while you sat in the back seat. Every once in a while, you’d catch him checking on you in the rear-view mirror, only to direct his attention back to the road.
When you returned to the hotel, Hotch stopped you from leaving the car.
“I’ll grab your things. You stay here.”
“I can get my things just fine.”
“Your bag is heavy. Doctor’s orders. No strenuous activity. Stay here.”
You huffed and sat back in your seat as Hotch closed the door for you.
The plane ride was the same: silent. Hotch sat opposite you as if he refused to allow you to leave his sight. But he kept to himself all the same. The others rested or played their card games, but you stayed put, almost waiting for Hotch to make his next move. He didn’t speak the entire flight.
Upon your return, Hotch dismissed the rest of the team.
“Thank you for the hard work this weekend. Rest up, and I will see you all Monday.”
You all headed out to leave, but Hotch stopped you. “Let me take you home,” he said.
You sighed. “Is driving a strenuous task now?”
“It’s late, and I’m not asking,” he said, returning your attitude.
You followed him to his car. He carried both his and your bag and placed them in the backseat before joining you up front.
Again, not a word was spoken between the two of you. You felt your blood boiling beneath your skin. It was as if the trip never happened, as if the distance between you never closed. The babying was the worst of all. You were sure he was seeing you as the rest of the team did now, incapable, fragile, only a child.
Hotch walked you up to your apartment. He waited for you to open your door, placing your bag directly inside.
“Well,” you began, “I guess I’ll see you Monday.”
He stood in your doorway for a moment, something on his mind. “Are you sure you’re ok? Is there anything else you think you may need before I go?”
“Hotch, what is all this?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
You tried to maintain your sanity, but the anger had bubbled into your throat. “All this, this, this coddling! You’re treating me like I’m fragile or, or useless!”
“Do I have to remind you that you were in the hospital this morning?” Hotch asked, aggravation coating his throat.
“I don’t need this from you, too, ok? The rest of them, I can take it, but you were different! I thought you were different.”
Hotch closed the door behind him and crossed his arms. “What are you talking about?”
“Have you not noticed that all of them treat me like I’m a child? Derek literally calls me kiddo, and the girls act like I’m some innocent girl fresh out of high school. Reid and JJ are five years older than me. That’s it! Rossi, forget it. I’m like a grandchild to him at this point. But you, you never belittled me. So, what is this? Did I fail you? I’d rather you just tell me than refuse to speak to me.”
“I – you didn’t fail me. How could you think that?”
“You couldn’t even look at me after the hospital.”
Hotch’s face turned a light shade of pink, his eyes leaving yours for only a moment. “We were successful because of you. But you got hurt. I just want to make sure you’re ok. That’s all.”
You thought for a moment, still not satisfied with his answer. “Then why didn’t you talk to me? I thought we were—I thought maybe there was something—”
“Please,” Hotch interrupted, “don’t say anything you might regret.” He took a step back.
“Are you saying I’m imagining this? That I imagined this morning?”
“No, no, no. We’re not doing this.”
“The coffee, the book put away neatly,”
“I would do that for anyone.”
“What about when you stormed out yesterday? When we were going over the file on your bed.” Your voice started to shake.
“That’s when I—I realized we had to use you.” He looked down, almost ashamed.
Your heart pounded in your chest, fear that you’ve outed yourself and maybe you were more delusional than you thought.
“This morning…” you said.
“You asked for my help, and I helped you. Just like I’m happy to do for you now if you need. Look, it’s late, and you’ve gone through a lot.”
“Then what did Reid mean?”
Hotch looked back up at you. He looked nervous, something you may have never seen in his eyes before. “What do you mean?”
“He said imagine how you must have felt when you found me. What did he mean by that if it doesn’t mean you care about me?”
“Of course, I care about you!” he exclaimed, moving closer to you. “I almost lost you! And when I found you, I thought you were gone. You were lifeless. So, forgive me for wanting to be careful with you, because I refuse to let that happen again. I refuse to lose you again.”
You looked at him in shock.
He sighed. “I shouldn’t have said any of this. Listen, the only reason you’re feeling anything for me is because it’s me you woke up to. Nothing more. If Reid or Morgan found you, the same thing would happen with them.”
“Do not chalk this up to some damsel in distress situation,” you said a little too boldly. “The whole team knows I have a thing for you.”
Now Hotch was in shock. He shook his head. “It’s not me you want.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
“I know you’re desperate for romance in your life because you either don’t make time for it in real life or were burned so bad in the past, that you gave it up entirely.”
“Hotch, don’t you dare profile me right now.”
“I know you have a rocky relationship with men in general, rooted in your relationship with your father.”
“Stop it, now.”
“You refuse to associate with him in any way. You don’t even allow us to call you by your last name. He views you differently from your sisters for some reason, and you hate him for it.”
“Hotch, I swear to god—”
“You mocked him for giving good advice, and you flinched when I brought up getting beers with him. He’s an alcoholic, isn’t he?”
“So, what, honestly? Literally who cares if he drinks? He gets mean, so what? What gives you the right to tell me what I can and cannot have?”
“But he’s not just mean, is he?”
The air in your lungs got caught in your throat.
“That’s it, isn’t it? That’s how he treats you differently.”
“That’s enough,” you said, your voice cold.
Hotch stepped closer, grabbing your shoulders with both hands. You shuddered in his grasp. “You don’t want me, ok? I can’t fix what you’ve gone through. I can’t even protect you at work. Do you know the guilt I feel for what happened to you? I’m the one who got you hurt. And now I have to live with that. What makes you think that I can be what you need if I can’t even keep you safe here?”
You closed what little space was left between you. You looked up at him, your face only inches from his. “Stop telling me what I want. I’m an adult. I can make my own choices. You’re not going to push me away like this.”
Hotch’s breath hitched in his throat. His chest heaved up and down, and his eyes darkened. “This is wrong. I’m your superior. This isn’t appropriate.”
“If you truly don’t want me, I’ll stop. We’ll go back to how things were. But you have to say you don’t want me.”
His grip on your shoulders strengthened, his touch burning into your skin. His now wild eyes scanned you as if he couldn’t have fathomed this happening. A lump formed in your throat as you waited for him to find the words. Instead, he pulled you flush against him and pressed his lips against yours. His kiss was raw and desperate, rougher than your healing jaw could take, but you couldn’t care less. He wrapped his arms around your back and gripped your hair as if it was instinctual. Your breathing hitched, causing you to moan into his mouth.
He pulled away, slightly out of breath. “I need you to tell me this is ok.”
“This is ok,” you said, breathless.
“Good,” Hotch said, “because I don’t want to stop.”
A smirk formed on your face. You grabbed a hold of his tie and pulled him closer to you. “Then I think you need to take this off.”
You dropped the tie and kissed him as he took his coat off. Your mouth wandered to his jaw. Hotch let out a groan.
“Your room. Now.”
His words sent chills down your spine. You took his hand and led him to your room. You turned around and watched Hotch remove his tie, sliding it through his collar. His eyes stayed on yours, his already dark eyes now almost black with desire. The moment his tie came off, he was back on you, kissing you like his life depended on it. His hands wandered to your ass and lifted you up, his lips never leaving your skin. You wrapped your legs around him as he carried you to your bed.
Hotch laid you down, now hovering over you. His lips drifted from yours down to your neck.
“Seeing you in this had me thinking horrible things,” Hotch confessed, slightly pulling on the quarter zip you were still wearing.
You blushed. “Really?” you asked, a smug smile growing on your face. “Is that why you were avoiding me?”
“Was it really that obvious?” Hotch asked, his large hands finding their way under your shirt.
You couldn’t even answer as his hands ventured up to your chest. His hands pulled a moan from your mouth.
“Take this off,” Hotch said as he pulled the hem of your shirt.
“You, first.”
Hotch’s eyebrows raised as if surprised by your reply. He sat up and unbuttoned his shirt. You practically drooled at the sight of him shirtless. You could only assume he was fit when he rolled up his sleeves or manhandled unsubs, but this was all the confirmation you needed.
“Your turn,” he said.
You did as you were told, revealing yourself to him.
“God, you’re perfect,” he sighed as he kissed your chest.
You fought off a moan. You couldn’t believe this was happening. This was only something you pictured in your wildest dreams, and here he was in the flesh.
“I wanted this for so long,” you found yourself saying out loud.
“Me, too,” he agreed. “You have no idea how much I thought about this.”
Your cheeks flushed red. He began leaving marks past your breasts, down your stomach to the hem of your shorts.
“Can I take these off?” Hotch asked.
You nodded.
“Use your words, honey.”
Your stomach did a flip hearing the phrase. “Yes, sir. Take them off.”
He all but growled in response. He pulled at your shorts, taking them off in a swift motion.
“So much for no strenuous activities,” you joked.
“I can be gentle,” Hotch said as he settled in between your legs. “Let me take care of you.”
Your head fell back onto your pillow. You knew you were in for it.
Hotch spread your legs apart, the stretch enough for you to arch into his touch.
A smirk graced his lips, and without another word, he licked into your core. His mouth against you was like a gift from God, something you had only hoped could feel so good. You couldn’t help but squirm against him, grabbing his hair to pull him closer, if at all possible. He placed a hand on your stomach to keep you still. You could feel him smile against you, turning you on even more.
“Hotch,” you breathed out. You were close faster than you had ever been.
“Say my name,” he said as he placed a finger inside you.
“A-Aaron,” you choked out, the new sensation too much to handle. He filled you with another finger, his hitting the spot your fingers never could.
“Fuck, Aaron, don’t stop. Please.” Your breathing quickened, and as he pumped his fingers in and out, you felt the coil in your stomach snap, expletives and his name leaving your lips. Hotch continued to pump you as you rode your high, a daze overtaking you.
When you caught your breath, you pulled Hotch back up for a kiss, your hands finding their way to his belt.
Hotch’s hands stopped yours. You looked up at him, confused.
“Are you sure you want this?” He asked, genuine concern lacing his voice.
“I want this if you do. Do you?” you asked.
“I really do,” he said. “I need to feel you.”  
You couldn’t help but smile at his words. “Then please let me help you.”
He released your hands and kissed your forehead as you unbuckled his belt. The moment felt ironically wholesome until you pulled at his dress pants. You couldn’t help but gawk at his cock springing free. You were suddenly nervous, not quite sure it would fit after all this time practically revirginizing. If your jaw weren’t so sore, you’d have him in your mouth without a second thought.
“I’ll be gentle, I promise,” he said as if he could hear your thoughts. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Hotch hovered over you and kissed your lips softly. You returned the kiss and nodded.
Hotch lined himself up with your entrance and carefully pushed in. He and you both groaned at the sensation, the stretch of him filling you something you hadn’t experienced in years.
“Jesus Christ. You’re so, this isn’t your first time, is it?”
“No, no,” you said, slightly embarrassed. “It’s just been a while. Just, just go slow, ok?”
Hotch nodded and started to move. He rested his forehead on yours, sighs and pants escaping both of your lips.
“Can I kiss you?” Hotch asked.
You chuckled at his question. “We’re a little past that, aren’t we?”
Hotch smiled as he placed his lips on yours, much more tender than before. He moved a stray hair from your face and cupped your cheek with the utmost gentility. The urgency was gone, replaced by something deeper. Everything had culminated to this moment, and neither of you wanted to waste it.
Still, the need for more overtook you. “Aaron,” you said, your hips bucking up into his.
“What do you need? I need you to tell me.”
“Faster, please,” you said.
His pace quickened, one hand still around you. He used the other to stabilize himself, allowing you to view the tension in his muscles. You bit back a moan as the pressure inside you built.
“Don’t hold back,” Hotch said. “Let me hear you.”
He slammed into you, a smirk growing on his face as your breath caught in your throat.
“Just like that!” you blurted out.
He did just that, slamming into you again and again.
“Fuck. I don’t know how much longer I can last,” Hotch said, his voice almost shaking.
“I’m close, too. Please don’t stop,” you begged.
He pounded into you harder and faster, no longer a rhythm but a motive, a goal to achieve.
“Come for me, honey. I’ve got you. Just come for me.”
You clenched around him as you came, all but screaming his name. His pace didn’t let up as you rode your orgasm, your legs trembling around him.
“Oh, god. I’m gonna, where do I—”
“Chest!”
He pulled out and came on your chest, making the most attractive groans you had ever heard in your life. You watched in awe, absolute shock overtaking you. Never in your wildest dreams did you picture this. And for the love of god, you hoped this wasn’t the last time this happened.
Hotch crawled over you, still catching his breath, and captured your lips in a kiss.
“How are you feeling?” Hotch asked. “Is your head ok?”
“I’m good,” you said smiling at his return to his overprotective self. “I’m really good. I promise.”
Hotch rested his forehead on yours then kissed you, the tenderness returning.
“I like when you do that,” you said, your cheeks reddening.
“Me, too,” he said. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
“You don’t have to help, if you don’t want to.”
“What, and miss showering with you?” Hotch smiled. “Just lead the way.”
In the shower, the two of you washed up, and you couldn’t knock the smile from your face if you tried, until you thought about showing up to work Monday morning.
“What are you thinking about?” Hotch asked.
“The team’s gonna know,” you said.
Hotch thought for a moment. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, well, I wouldn’t have done it in this order, but would you like to join me for dinner tomorrow evening?”
You blushed, despite the state you were both in. “Are you asking me on a date?”
Hotch smiled. “I’m asking you on a date, yes. I have to be honest, though, I’m out of practice.”
“If tonight was you out of practice, I think tomorrow will go just fine.”
Hotch laughed and kissed you again, something you hoped would never fade in your memory.
************
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flemingology · 10 days ago
Note
“just because i got you a gift, doesn’t mean I like you” with alexia 🎄
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secret santa ─ alexia putellas x reader
part of my christmas series. full masterlist here!
in which: a silly christmas tradition defrosts you and alexia's relationship
warnings: emotionally unavailable alexia is a warning on it's own
wc: 5.1k
a/n: probably one of my favs from the series. hope you enjoy!
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Making the move to Barça a couple months ago was a much harder decision to take than some people might think. Admittedly, there are a lot of upsides to playing alongside the best players in the world. The standards are high, the training sessions are good, you're in better shape than you've ever been in and you're steadily growing your trophy cabinet. On the other hand, nothing was harder than leaving your family behind in England.
You grew up in London, a steady youth leading the way towards being picked up by the Arsenal academy, where you went through all the youth groups and eventually got picked for the first team. Everything seemed to be going well, you were playing a good amount of minutes, fitting right in to Arsenal's defensive line. The first couple years you couldn't imagine yourself ever playing for a different team than the Gunners, but an injury-ridden year completely changed that. It started with a few niggles that kept you out of the occasional game, but a couple months into the season you suffered a lateral ligament injury to your right ankle, keeping you out for the best part of 3 months. You tried your best to get back into the squad, but you felt like Arsenal had moved past you.
At 27, still one of the best defenders in the game, you let your agent know that you needed a change. It hadn't been easy for you to come to the conclusion that it was better to leave, but you weren't ready to give up on your career yet. Not when you were supposed to be in your peak years now. Endless meetings, phone calls, late night text messages and a lot of turmoil later, the perfect deal struck. You were starting to feel a bit hopeless in your position, so Barça's offer came at the perfect time.
They expressed how they thought you'd be a perfect fit in their defensive line. Standing tall at 5'7, your aerial threat was one of the things they voiced could be helpful to the team. The contract in itself was perfect. They offered you three years, good pay and they would help you with accommodating to Spain – housing, visa, finances, the club would take care of all of that so you could focus on settling in through your football.
It seemed like a no-brainer, but obviously there were two sides to the story. You were determined to get your career back on the right track, but leaving your family behind in England wasn't an easy decision to make. It took a lot of tearful hugs and heartfelt promises to visit from your family, before you managed to cut the cord completely and sign the contract with the Spanish giants. Nonetheless, you always felt like your family supported all your decisions, and just like you they were certain that this was the right move for your career.
Now 3 months later, if anyone asked you, you would still say that this had been the perfect step. You accommodated to the weather fairly quickly, settled into an apartment that the club had found for you, and took up a couple extra language classes on offer to try and master the Spanish language a bit quicker – you had a basic understanding, and you could manage during games and training sessions, but still struggled here and there.
You'd felt at home within the team, too. It was definitely one of the things that had been on your mind prior to your first training session. You were nervous about whether you were going to be good enough, whether they would deem you worthy enough of wearing the blaugrana colors, but any doubts melted away like snow in the sun when you got invited to a team bonding night right as your first training session ended.
You went out for a meal and drinks in one of Barçelona's hidden gems, one that the girls seemed to love. It was clear that they had been here quite a few times, because the waiter knew some of their orders by heart. You bonded with Ingrid throughout the night, both of you sharing experiences of having to leave your family behind in a different country to play football here. You warmed up to her, she was nice to you and seemed to really like your company, but you stayed a bit distant from the rest of the girls. Everyone was deep in conversation with each other, most of the time conversing in Spanish. You were well aware that they didn't have to involve you in their conversations, you were a 27-year-old adult at last who could stand up for themself, but you found it hard to really integrate fully with the tight group that had seemed to form over the years. From a different point of view, it might've seemed that you were uninterested and not bothered trying to mingle with the rest of the team, but that wasn't the case at all. Although, that wasn't what people picked up. Especially not the captain.
You've not had more than a handful conversations with Alexia, ever since you signed for Barça. In the beginning, you tried putting it off to the fact you both weren't entirely comfortable in the other's language. But as time went on and you got settled more and more into the team, playing more minutes and getting closer to most of the girls, you couldn't just put it down to that anymore. You had tried a couple times in the early days of you transfer to string together a conversation with the Spanish midfielder, but you never got further than the odd "Hola" or "Good game, Ale". You tried to shrug it off, but you couldn't say that it didn't bother you. Alexia seemed open and chatty towards your teammates, but seemed to block off the second you neared within a 5-meter radius from her. And even though you had bonded quite well with her best friend and her girlfriend, they didn't seem to want to say anything about it.
A couple weeks had passed, and you found yourself in a meeting talking about the month ahead. December would be busy, UWCL games ramping up and the league and cup to keep up with. There was a lot of tactical talk going on and while you know you shouldn't, you zoned out a bit, tired from the already long day – and it was far from over. You had an appointment planned with the physios after the meeting, a quick routine check for your ankle, but they would need to take some tests here and there, pushing your relaxing on your couch tonight even further back on the agenda. You got pulled out of your thoughts when the tone in the meeting changed, going from very stern and tactical to a little bit lighter, and it wasn't until you noticed the powerpoint slide that you understood why.
SECRET SANTA
Your eyes widened in surprise and a small smile grew on your lips, a light hum of chatter making it's way through the meeting room as some girls rehashed up some memories from the year before. You hadn't expected secret santa to be a tradition within the Barça squad, but you found it fun. Otherwise so very composed and professional, it was nice to see a different side to the club and the staff.
"Okay, girls! As you can see from the powerpoint slide, we're doing secret santa again this year! Last season went well and we thought we should reintegrate it again. We're going to draw names now in the meeting, and then we'll arrange a date further down the line when we figure out what our schedule will look like." A couple staff members explained the ins and outs a bit further for anyone who had never participated in the lighthearted Christmas tradition, and then the name drawing started. Someone had written everyone's names on little pieces of paper and put them in a bowl, letting it go round the meeting room and having everyone take one. You were sat near the back, so there was only a couple pieces of paper left when it was your turn. You picked one and shielded away from Esmee and Keira who were on either side of you, reading the name that was written on the paper. Mapi Léon. A smile crept on your lips upon reading your defensive partner's name. You didn't give in to Keira’s prying and soon the meeting concluded, sending everyone on their way for the next part of their day.
Most of the girls were headed home now, but you made your way to the physio's office. They checked a couple things and made you do a couple tests, measuring and calculating whatever they deemed necessary to ensure that your ankle was perfectly fine. Lucky for you, it didn't take long as you thought it would. You were the only one that still needed treatment, so the physios were able to round off their checklist for you quite smoothly. You were sent on your way with a pat on the shoulder, telling you to keep it up the way you were doing – both on the pitch and with your ankle. You shrugged it off at the time but you couldn't deny the way it made you feel a little warm inside. You were still quite self-conscious about yourself and your football here in Barçelona, so it was more than welcome to get a compliment about it, especially from someone that isn't the coach.
December was rough. You thought you'd get a little reprieve from cold winters as you now were a bit more south compared to England, but you were fooled. It was cold, it was busy, the training sessions only getting harder as the games ramped up in both domestic competitions and the Champions League. The month felt like it was going on forever but eventually you reached the end. Your final training session of the week, Thursday, but more importantly secret santa day. After you wrapped up both the outside and indoor session, everyone went for a shower and then gathered in the cafeteria. You all had some post-workout food and then got together at one big table, conversation flowing easily as everyone prepared to receive and give their gifts. You were one of the first who had to give their present. You'd gotten Mapi a big batch of her favorite coffee blend, along with a couple different syrups for her to try. You knew she loved her coffee and you hoped she'd be happy with it, but a subtle nudge from Ingrid had set you up in the right way and you were quite certain that the Spaniard would be pleased with your present.
"Oooh, muy bien!" Mapi wore a bright smile as she opened your present, clearly happy with what you bought her. Ingrid and you shared a knowing look before her girlfriend pulled you into a tight hug, pressing a smacking kiss against your cheek in thanks. Your cheeks flushed a little when you realized the two of you were in the centre of attention, quickly sitting back down and letting the afternoon roll on. What you didn't notice, though, whilst you and your defensive partner were sharing an embrace, was the jealous look in Alexia's eye.
Admittedly, she had been cold to you, some would even say it was borderline rude the way she treated you ever since you came in. But she had a reason. And she knew damn well that didn't excuse her behavior, but she couldn't bring herself to either telling you what was on her mind or dropping her cold act. So she kept it going, knowing it made you uncomfortable, although that was the last thing she wanted to do. In reality, Alexia had started developing some feelings for you. None very deep, because how in the world would that be possible based on nothing more than a handful three-sentence conversations, but you had piqued her interest. Your hard-working nature, the way you held yourself, your professionalism – but who would she fool if she said she didn't find you attractive. It might've been the biggest one, even. Alexia felt attracted to you. But by the time she realized that, she'd kept the cold act up for so long that she didn't think there was a way back, so instead of confessing to you she only acted more distant and more cold. She knew she was in the wrong, but an opportunity had popped up to make it up to you and she wasn't going to let it slip.
Time flowed easily, and before you knew it your name was called. Your eyes shot around the room to see who would get up, but seeing her walk over to the pile of presents was the last thing you'd expected. Alexia's light expression that she was wearing earlier, had changed to the stone cold one that she wore whenever she was in close proximity with you. You noticed how neatly wrapped her present was. A beautiful beige wrapping paper, with gold accents here and there, topped off with a small black ribbon. She came to stand beside you, propping one of her arms on the back of your chair, leaning her body over to you and dropping the present on your lap. You were well aware of how close the Spaniard was to you right now, probably closer than she'd ever been. When she didn't say anything, you just went to unwrap the package that was heavy in your lap. You didn't recognize the packaging immediately, but when you realized what was underneath the wrapping paper you could feel a couple tears pricking your eyes.
An array of British snacks and comfort foods sat in your lap, from Cadbury chocolates to Walkers crisps, digestives and so much more. You hadn't expected such a thoughtful present from anyone, especially not Alexia. You quickly wiped away a stray tear that had escaped your eye, quickly standing up and turning your body towards Alexia. "Thank you," you said, not knowing what to do with your hands as you played with the rings on your fingers. You were more than thankful that most of the girls weren't paying attention to the interaction, most of them caught up with their own presents or inspecting what others had gotten. "Can I give you a hug?" You didn't want to overstep any boundaries, but you wanted to thank her appropriately for the present. You'd never voiced to her directly that you missed home, so it was clear that she'd just been paying attention. Maybe more than you thought she had been. Alexia didn't respond verbally but pulled you in a hug, awkwardly patting your back as she didn't know what to do with herself. In reality, she wanted to pull you tight, rub comforting patterns across your back and press a kiss against your crown but she knew that was a place she wouldn't return from. So instead, she did the next best thing; push you further away. "Just because I got you this, doesn't mean I like you."
Your body tensed up at her words and you suddenly noticed the burning sensation of her arms around you, quickly removing yourself from the embrace and sitting back down, nearly giving yourself a whiplash from the sheer force that you backed away from the midfielder with. You'd allowed yourself to get comfortable in the hug, sensing as if you two were crossing a bit of the boundaries that had been present ever since you met one another, but her comment put you right back where you started – maybe even further. The interaction didn't go lost on Mapi, who whispered something in Alexia's ear as she passed the defender to go back to her seat, Mapi clearly angry at her.
You sulked for the remainder of the evening, knowing you were being a pain in the ass but you couldn't bring it in you to care this time. When you said your goodbyes and made your way out of the facility later that evening, you felt a hand tugging you back before you could open the door of your car. Startled by the unexpected touch, you clutched your chest where your heart would be as your eyes met Ingrid's. "Ingrid, don't scare me like that, for god's sake," you said, playfully hitting the Norwegian's shoulder who only laughed at your reaction. The conversation soon took a turn, though, when she mentioned the earlier events. "Hey, about Alexia, I kno-", she started, although you didn't let her finish. "Ingrid, it's fine. She doesn't like me, I get it. I'll just steer clear from her. I don't need it to be told to my face, we can just avoid one another and everything will be fine."
Ingrid closed her eyes and shook her head, placing a hand on your arm that was animatedly waving along as you spoke. "No. God, no. You're so wrong." "I'm wrong? Ingrid, you heard what she said to me. I don't think I need more confirmation than what she verbally told me a couple hours ago." The Norwegian pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep sigh, before she spoke up again. "I know this is going to sound weird, but Alexia doesn't hate you. She doesn't dislike you, not at all. It's quite the opposite, if you ask me."
"The opposite?" you asked, a confused lilt in your voice as you urged Ingrid to speak further. "She'll give me hell for telling you this, but I can't just be a bystander to this anymore. She's hurting you." Ingrid took a deep breath and looked you in the eye. "Alexia likes you. And she doesn't know what to do about it. So she does what she does know, and that's pushing you away. I, uhm, agree that it isn't the way she should handle it and certainly not like she did just earlier, but she doesn't know any better." Your thoughts ran rampant in your head, thinking about all the conversations and interactions you had in the past months and gauging whether there was any point where Alexia acted like she liked you, even for a moment. "Ingrid, what the hell are you talking about?" You raised your voice, to which she put a hand on your shoulder, reminding you that you were outside the parking lot just outside the facility. "I know it sounds insane. I didn't believe it either when Mapi told me, but you know she wouldn't lie to her best friend about that. Now, I don't know how you feel about her, but I suggest you talk about it. Because she's been sulking about the situation at our house the last couple weeks and I can't bear it anymore. She has to do something about it, and quick."
"Ingrid, I-" "Y/N. Don't argue with me on this. I don't know how you feel about Alexia, but I know how it's been weighing on you that she's been treating you like this. If anything, it's just an opportunity to clear some of the tension. If you don't want to do it for her, do it for me and Maria." You nodded, begrudgingly, but you nodded nonetheless. You didn't say much more because you needed some time to process what the Norwegian told you, so you sent her away with another promise to text Alexia and then drove home. You took your time that evening to process everything. You thought back to the couple months, and the newfound information still felt like a fever dream. Alexia liked you. Liked liked you. You couldn't say it didn't flatter you. You also couldn't say that some of those feelings weren't mutual, but you'd need some time to explore those. And you'd need lots of time and conversations with Alexia before you could move past the way she treated you the past months. But you were ready to give it a try. So later that night, you sent the Spanish midfielder a text, secretly hoping that Ingrid had notified her that she'd told you, softening the blow a little bit already.
To: Alexia Hey, Alexia. I'm not sure how to approach this, but here goes nothing. I spoke to Ingrid today about us, and about you, I assume she told you this? I don't want to wave this away and say I think the way you treated me is excused now that I know the reason behind it. I know you know that too, and I'd love to talk about that if you are open to do so too. Nonetheless, I was still shocked when Ingrid told me the reasoning behind your behavior. I didn't expect it and it still feels a bit like a fever dream. I'm flattered, even? I'd love to explore it, Ale, but we'll have to talk about some things first.
You sent the message before you could overthink any of your word choices, and plopped down on the couch. You wanted to set your mind to the show that was playing on tv, but you couldn't focus – your thoughts seemingly unable to drift away from Alexia. You thought about what you wanted to say to her, how you wanted to word whatever you were feeling, but right before you could dive in the deep end of your feelings you heard a notification sound coming from your phone, slightly startling you. You picked it up with haste, eager to see what the blonde had replied.
From: Alexia Hola :) I'm sorry you had to find out through Ingrid, that's not fair on you. I know I should've told you and I know I've been childish about it, but I didn't know what to do with myself. I completely understand if my behavior has put a barrier between the two of us, because I've been nothing short of immature. I would love to talk to you about things, because I've been silent about it all for long enough. If you're down, I could call you? I hope you're enjoying your present.
A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips at the mention of her present, glancing over to the basket of snacks that was placed on your coffee table. You grabbed a packet of crisps and sat back on the couch, enjoying the salty snack while you typed a response to Alexia.
To: Alexia It's okay. I can understand where you're coming from, but I'm glad you're acknowledging that it was immature. I loved the present. What you said while I hugged you confused me even further, and I know I was killing the mood after that. I'm sorry for that. But thank you, it means so much to me. I'd love to call, but could you maybe come over instead? I'd prefer it if you were near, but don't worry if you can't. I know it's late and it's been a rough week.
From: Alexia I'll be right there.
You hadn't put your phone down as another message from Alexia chimed in, letting you know she was on her way to your place. You decided not to question how she knew your address, assuming she probably got it from Maria or Ingrid. You quickly freshened up a little, brushing your hair and putting on some fresh clothes, still in your training attire from earlier. You tidied a little, putting dishes in the dishwasher and rearranging your cushions as a knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You opened the door to a sight you thought you'd never see. Alexia was sporting a small smile, a thin layer of sweat present on her face from the rush she was in coming here. In her hands was a small bouquet of red roses, and you wondered where she'd found the time to pick those up along the way. You felt warm inside and ushered the blonde to come inside, not wanting her to be in the cold hallway much longer.
"Hi," you said softly, still feeling a little apprehensive whenever she was around. Old manners died hard. "Hi. These are for you." Alexia stretched her arm out and gave you the bouquet of flowers, which you gratefully took and put in the empty vase on your kitchen counter. "Thank you so much. You know you didn't have to do that but, uhm, they're really nice. Thank you. I still needed some for this vase, clearly," you chuckled, your cheeks flushing slightly red at the loving gesture from the Spanish midfielder. You were still struggling to wrap your mind around the shift in behavior from Alexia, grown very used to her stone cold personality whenever you were around her. It was a very welcome change, but it was one that you'd have to get used to.
"Do you want a drink?" You asked Alexia, who was seemingly lost in thought while she looked around your apartment, taking in her surroundings. You decided to let her do that and fill up two glasses of water for you and her, slowly making your way over to the living room where she was looking through your vinyl collection. "You've settled in nicely, I really like how you decorated your apartment," Alexia said when she heard you shuffling around behind you. A bright smile crept on your face at the compliment. "Thanks. I've spent a lot of time trying to make it look cozy. Being that far away from my family and friends, it's just nice to have a place that feels like home." "I can imagine. I've never moved away from here and I've never had to struggle with something like you are right now, but I can imagine it's not easy at all. You're doing great." You looked away from Alexia's gaze as you felt your cheeks heating up again. "Do you want to sit?" You tried to steer the conversation away from the current topic, earning a nod from Alexia as she sat down on your couch, opposite to you.
You talked for hours on end, the conversation topics ranging from your family to hers, to your move to Barçelona and what sparked it, to how you've been feeling at the club, to eventually the – still slightly apprehensive – relationship between the two of you. Talking to Alexia felt easy, something you never thought you'd say. She was interested, listened with intent and really seemed like wanted to hear what you were saying. She asked questions, tried to understand your views on things and voiced back exactly how she felt. You hadn't expected her to be so open about her feelings after everything that happened the past couple of months, so it was a welcome change for the blonde to put her heart out like that. When you felt like she adequately expressed her feelings about you, you too talked about your own. You said that you really wanted to explore things between you, that you couldn't deny the blonde's charming energy and that you had found yourself gutted with how little the two of you had bonded over your first couple months in Barçelona – more than eager to make up for lost time.
When the night came to an end, you could feel a weight had been lifted from your shoulders, and Alexia felt the same. It had been nothing less than a burden for her to carry around, forever dancing around feelings that she didn't know how to express, pushing you further than she ever wanted to do. She was eternally grateful for the opportunity you were giving her by wanting to talk to her.
"Thank you, honestly. You didn't owe me anything and yet you gave me the chance to explain everything and talk about my feelings. I owe you one." You smiled brightly at Alexia and waved away her comments. "Don't worry about it. We've talked about it, we're okay. I understand where you were coming from. It's fine, Ale, I promise. I'm glad you came to terms with it."
The two of you started to make moves towards your front door, knowing you should end your conversations and call it a day, but with the prospect of a day off tomorrow and no training to wake up for, neither of you really felt the intent to wrap it up. Nonetheless, a couple moments later Alexia found herself in the hallway, leaning against your doorframe as you talked a little more, wrapping up your conversation.
You noticed Alexia looking down at her feet, playing with her fingers before she lifted her head and locked eyes with you again. "I might not be in the position to ask you this right now, but would you maybe want to go on a... date together?" You chuckled at Alexia's nervousness, a slightly red tint covering her cheeks as she spoke. You took one of her hands in yours and nodded fiercely, a smug grin covering your lips. "Yeah, I'd love to. Text me, okay? I'm free whenever." Alexia's smile grew wider with each word you spoke, the Spanish midfielder giddy about the prospect of taking you on a date. "I will. I promise. I should get going now, it's getting late." "You should. Be safe getting home. Have a good night, Ale."
You pressed a soft kiss to Alexia's cheek after wishing her a good night, causing the midfielder to blush deeper than she already had been. She stumbled over her words as she wished you another goodnight, clumsily walking backwards and gripping the handrail as she nearly fell head first on the first step of the stairs of your apartment block. You couldn't hold back the chuckle as you watched Alexia steady herself and rush down the stairs. "Be careful, capi!" you yelled after her, earning nothing more than a grumble and some Spanish curse words that you couldn't make out.
Sticking to her promise, Alexia was way more open with her feelings moving further. You went on a couple dates, you shared a few kisses and before you knew it you were dating. If someone told you that goddamn Secret Santa was what would bring you two closer, and eventually start a relationship, you would've never believed them.
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nicname · 1 year ago
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”Oh if we didn’t have xenogenders/GNC trans people/neopronouns/MOGAI/etc etc etc then transphobes would respect us.” Untrue. Most transphobes are so insanely vitriolic that you could be the most standard, decent, agreeable trans person, and they would still hate you.
I’m a fairly basic trans man, online and off. I tone my gender down even more for work. I have short hair, facial hair, I wear pretty standard non-fitted pants and t shirts with some manner of compressive undergarment underneath, and I go by my fairly basic, common masc name. The only difference between me and my cis coworkers is that I openly engage in good-faith discussions about my being transgender when brought up, and I have a “he/him” pronoun pin I like to wear.
I have one coworker who I’m well aware has never gendered me correctly. I have assumed it was an intentional, bad-faith decision (because of other, unrelated-to-me conversations he has had with coworkers), but I’ve never really cared enough to bring it up to him. I figured, “if this is intentional, that’s his issue. I’m not interested in trying to change his mind.” I’ve reached a point in my transition to where I don’t really care that much if some random person doesn’t respect me or my gender, because I don’t need every stranger’s approval to be happy with myself.
With all that being said, I’ve treated him the same as I have every other coworker. I’ve been civil, I’ve been agreeable, I’ve still been friendly to him and haven’t gone around the workplace intending to smear his name. (Yes, I have discussed his behavior to those close to me who have asked, but I’ve kept it very private and said that as long as he doesn’t say anything outwardly malicious, I don’t really care about his behavior.) He has been outwardly friendly to me, too, telling me about his past careers, showing me pictures of his family, we’ve talked about our hobbies and other things we enjoy.
Still, after all of this, he has given up the ghost and decided to gossip about me negatively to coworkers. I won’t go into detail about what I’ve been told he said, but it was all explicitly transphobic and pretty aggressive. I’ve never gone out of my way to make him mad, relating to my gender or not, so it’s a little out of nowhere. I’m not particularly surprised by this, but I’m more surprised that he would be bold enough to say everything out loud when working for a company that has explicit protections for trans people in place. He was reported fairly quickly, without me ever knowing what occurred. The only reason I found out about everything is because I overheard a manager discussing it with a concerned coworker from my department.
So, if you take anything away from this, let it be that no amount of friendliness, gender-conformity, or civilness with stop a transphobe from taking their transphobia out on you, and it’s not your fault or any other trans person’s fault. Don’t victim blame trans people who become the subject of someone’s transphobic hate, because a transphobe is dedicated to harming trans people regardless of whether they blend in with cis people or not. Don’t use a transphobe’s needlessly malicious behavior as a reason to harass other trans, GNC, nonbinary, or otherwise gender diverse people.
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sergeantbarnessdoll · 4 months ago
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I can’t stop thinking about reader asking Bucky if he wants to go clothes shopping with her for a fairly formal event, and he immediately dismisses it. Well, just until he overhears Nat ask the reader if she’s ready to go bra shopping, anyway. Then, all of the sudden, Tony’s missing a credit card (or four) and reader has a personal chauffeur for the day
Changed My Mind » Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier
Pairings: Avenger!Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Female Reader
Summary: You ask Bucky if he wants to go shopping with you and he says no, but he quickly changes his mind when he overheard you talking to Natasha.
Warnings: implied Smut (18+), language, mention of lingerie, flirting, kissing, pet names
A/N: Thank you to the lovely anonymous person who requested this🩵
Written on my phone. My apologies for any mistakes.
Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier
GIF IS NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creator.
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!🔞
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“Bucky!” You exclaimed excitedly, walking in the conference room to see Bucky filling out a mission report from last week’s mission. “You’re just the person who I wanted to see.” You say, taking a seat next to him.
“What can I do for you, doll face?” Bucky asks, closing the file.
“I was thinking we could spend the day together.” You smiled. “Do you want to go shopping with me?” You asked. “I have a fairly formal event to attend next week.” You tell him.
“No, thank you.” He politely said. “No offense, but shopping is kinda girly to me.” He says honestly.
“Oh ok.” You pouted. “Let me know if you change your mind, Sarge.” You say, kissing his cheek before leaving the conference room.
Bucky watched you walk out of the conference room, not missing the way you swayed your hips. He shifted in his seat a little bit before going back to filling out the mission report.
Not too long after, Bucky was about to walk in the kitchen to get something to drink when he heard you talking to Natasha. He stopped just short of the entrance to the kitchen. He wasn’t eavesdropping. He just overheard what you and Natasha are talking about.
“Are you ready to go bra shopping?” Natasha asks you.
“Of course I am!” You replied. “Don’t forget the matching panties to go with the bras.” You say with a wink.
Bucky licks his lips, curious to know what you look like in the matching bra and panties. He couldn’t take it anymore. He walked in the kitchen. Yours and Natasha’s attention was turned to him.
“Oh hi, Buck-” You didn’t get a chance to finish your sentence, because Bucky picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.
You lifted your head to look at Natasha. She winked at you and mouthed “Have fun!”. You winked back.
“Where are we going?” You asked.
“Shopping.” Is all Bucky said.
“I thought you didn’t want to go shopping cause it’s too girly for you.” You teasingly said.
“I changed my mind.” He says.
Bucky finally put you back on your feet when you two got to the main entrance of the Avengers Compound.
“I got us a personal chauffeur to drive us around.” You tell him.
“How are you paying for that?” He asks.
“Reach in my back pocket and you’ll find out, Sarge.” You say, turning around.
Bucky put his hand in the left pocket of your shorts and pulled out four of Tony’s credit cards.
“These are Stark’s credit cards.” He points out.
“I know.” You grinned. “I may have taken them from his wallet when he wasn’t looking when I was in the lab earlier.” You say, still grinning.
“Your secret is safe with me, doll.” Bucky says in a hushed voice and winked.
You giggled and grabbed his hand, running out to the car. Bucky being the gentleman he is, opened the car door for you and got in after you, closing the door after he got in the car. You told the driver where you and Bucky are going and he started driving.
“Where are we going first, doll?” Bucky asks curiously.
“The mall.” You answered.
When you two got to the mall, you practically drug Bucky all over the place.
“What do you think of this dress?” You asked Bucky, holding it against the front of your body.
“Buy it.” Bucky answers, licking his lips.
You got a couple more outfits before going to the next store, which happened to be a lingerie store. Bucky couldn’t help but stare at the lingerie that was on the mannequins, wondering what the lingerie would look like on you.
“Bucky, stop staring at the mannequins!” You say, smacking his arm.
“I’m not staring.” He says, continuing to stare at the mannequins.
You playfully rolled your eyes at the Super Soldier and started to look at the bras. Bucky couldn’t help but snoop around in it.
“You should get these.” Bucky suggests, handing you a pair of panties.
“Bucky, this is a thong. You tell him.
“I know.” He says.
You bit your bottom lip, knowing what he’s trying to do.
“I know what you’re trying to do, Sarge. If you’re a good boy, I’ll model these for you later.” You whispered seductively in his ear.
That was the only thing on Bucky’s mind for the rest of the shopping trip.
“So about that event thing you’re going to next week…” Bucky starts. “Do you need a date for that?” He asks.
“As a matter of fact, I do.” You answered.
“I’ll be your date.” He says.
“It’s a date.” You say with a smile, kissing his cheek.
Later that day, you were in your room, taking your new clothes out of the bags and put them in your closet and dresser when you heard a knock on your bedroom door.
“Come in!” You say.
You looked up when the door opened, smiling when you seen Bucky.
“Hey, Buck. What’s up?” You say.
“I just wanted to say I had fun today.” Bucky tells you.
“I did too.” You say.
Bucky walked closer to you, placing his hands on your waist and pulled you closer to him. Bucky dipped his head down and kissed you hungrily. You moaned against his lips. Your hands grabbed onto his t-shirt, clutching the fabric with your fingers. He pulled away, leaving you breathless and wanting more.
“That’s a little preview of what’s to come after that event next week.” He says huskily.
“I can’t wait for more.” You say, biting your bottom lip and rubbing your hands against his muscular chest.
🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖
-Bucky’s Doll
606 notes · View notes
delewlew · 4 months ago
Text
the prettiest girl: charles leclerc x black fem! reader smau ⋆.˚ 𓇼⋆.
request: a friend of Charles is hitting on y/n and like he likes all her Instagram pictures talking about her, send her messages so it makes Charles jealous. - @kayleen0
warnings: jealousy, suggestive content
author's note: for the sake of this request im using one of charles' friends, hugo. this is no hate to him and this is a work of fiction not to be taken seriously. i hope that you enjoy what i've written!
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the first time you noticed that something weird was going on between one of charles' friends and you was a random afternoon you all were on a yacht having a friends day. it was nothing crazy, just charles' childhood friends and their girlfriends for the guys who weren't single. the way his eyes lingered on you a moment longer than everyone else's, the way he ended up by your side if charles wasn't there as he tried to make attempts to get you to talk to him. from the beginning of it all you were fairly cautious about it. all the answers to his questions were one or two words, laughs were forced and smiles were awkward and ingenuine. yet for some odd reason you got the feeling that he just didn't get the hint, or chose to ignore it. however you weren't completely sure if maybe it was all in your head, after all a lot of his friends were friendly and told you that you looked nice so maybe that's all it was...maybe?
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
isthatyn
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liked by charles_leclerc, hugomicallef, and 15,304 others
isthatyn summertime livin' sweet summertime lovin' 🍭☀️🌈 💗
view all 2,209 comments
havanaroseliu bring me back a bag of bubs pls  🥺
⤷ isthatyn you know i did <3
charles_leclerc loving every moment i spend with you ❤️
⤷ isthatyn i love you so much wow 🥹
cocojones i miss you :(
⤷ isthatyn yet you never answer my calls 😒
⤷ cocojones girl i been working ntm on me 😭
⤷ username1 OOP COCO BOOKED AND BUSY!
hugomicallef the prettiest girl 😍
⤷ username2 oh thats...
⤷ username3 chill out he's just stating a fact
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
your gaze lingered on your phone screen as you read his comment over and over again.
the prettiest girl 😍
no matter how many times you tried to rationalize it, something just didn't sit right with you about it. you tried to tell yourself that maybe he was just being nice, charles' fans were always calling you variations of "queen slayer" , "prettiest f1 wag", and "most beautiful woman ever" but that just seemed different when it came from someone you knew closer than some strangers online that happened to support you.
charles' voice snapped you out of your trance, "qu'est-ce que tu regardes, mon cœur ?" you jumped slightly and put your phone down quickly, tucking it under your thigh, "nothing just instagram comments." charles eyed you up and down then asked, "why do you have this shocked look on your face? did someone say something to you?" you debated on actually mentioning hugo's comments but at the last minute you changed your mind, "no you just startled me, i wasn't paying attention that's all." his shoulders relaxed and the features on his face softened, "ah i'm sorry my love, i didn't mean to scare you." he kissed your temple and walked off elsewhere in your shared apartment. [what are you looking at, my heart?]
not a minute later you felt your phone buzz and you received a DM on twitter. you checked and noticed that it was hugo responding to the message you sent him earlier. the minute you opened it your heart sank to your feet as you read his very obviously flirtatious reply. instead of just ignoring it you decided to respond, telling yourself that maybe if you didn't match his energy and kept it brief maybe he'd read the room:
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𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
you felt your phone DMs on twitter go off once more and you didn't even have to check them to know who it was. at this point you decided to just post a little more obviously on instagram that you were happily in a relationship, in your mind that's what this dumbass guy might need to see...right?:
isthatyn
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liked by hugomicallef, charles_leclerc, and 16,203 others
isthatyn avec toi, je sui moi [with you i am me]
view all 3,771 comments
lilymhe the prettiest! 😍💗
⤷ isthatyn no that's definitely you 🫶
charles_leclerc Mon cœur t'appartient [my heart belongs to you]
username4 did charles play her a song-
⤷ username5 girl pls that man has probably composed an entire symphony for that woman 😭😭😭
hugomicallef a work of art photographing a work of art 😍💕
⤷ charles_leclerc 🤨
⤷ username6 here this man go again with these weird ass comments 😒
sabrinacarpenter it was so nice running into you <3
⤷ isthatyn you too! i can't wait for the album to drop soon!!!
francisca.cgomes i'm about to make pierre learn to play piano now :)
⤷ isthatyn omg girl do it
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
knots formed in your stomach as you noticed that charles did respond to the comment left by his friend. you knew that he was sending you pictures that you posed and just responding to them with whatever weird ass comments he thought of. you'd seen the messages and read them, gut wrenching disgust filing your stomach. at this point you knew that telling charles was no longer an option, it simply had to be done. however the idea of showing your boyfriend what his friend was saying to you brought a worry that you never thought you'd feel. the idea that rather than being mad at his best friend, he'd blame you instead for the unwanted attention became a thought on the forefront of your mind. you'd seen similar things happen in friends' relationships and even in some of your past ones as well. you knew you had to tell him, you just didn't want to knowing that maybe you'd lose him in the process.
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𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
charles had seen the way hugo had been liking his close friends instagram stories but only the ones with you in it. he noticed the way hugo was amongst the first to like and comment under your posts as well. the first comment he noticed to be...off putting was calling you a work of art, that's not something you say about a friend let alone a friend's girlfriend. he'd kept his mouth shut not wanting to upset you into thinking you did something wrong by posting pictures of yourself, so he left it alone. in his mind, hugo was a good friend who had always respected him in his past relationships so why would that suddenly change? it shouldn't, at least that's what he told himself. but on the off chance that maybe hugo was 'confused', he simply posted something that got the message across:
charles_leclerc
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liked by isthatyn, hugomicallef, and 1,773,906 others
charles_leclerc mes deux cœurs  💕
isthatyn ur so fine i neED YOU RN 🤤
⤷ charles_leclerc baby pls-
⤷ isthatyn that's what i would be saying if you were here with me rn 😤
username7 what ever happened to hello, how are you?
⤷ isthatyn CAN YOU BLAME ME LOOK AT HIM
oscarpiastri i miss the person i was before reading all that ☹️
⤷ isthatyn don't disrespect your mother
hugomicallef a shame we can't see her gorgeous face 😔
⤷ charles_leclerc you can't but i can 😉
username9 LMFAO GET EM SHARL
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
you sat across from charles on the bed in your shared bedroom and noticed the way his brow furrowed as he looked at his phone. a feeling of dread settled in your stomach as soon as he asked, "baby have you seen your comments under our instagram posts?" you closed the book you were reading and pretended to not know what he was mentioning, so you changed the subject before he could focus on the person you didn't want to think about. with that specific gaze saved for the most intimate of moments you pulled his phone from his hand, "the comments you did nothing about when i left them?" slowly you crawled over to him and settled right on his lap so you were straddling his hips.
almost as if it was an instinct, charles' hands found their place on each side of your body, his thumbs gently rubbing circles at your hipbone. your fingers tangled into his hair as you pulled his head back slightly to bring his lips to yours once you leaned down. the taste of your vanilla mint chapstick filled his mouth as his tongue lightly brushed against your plump bottom lip. he was lost in all that you were for a moment before he remembered what he was going to say. abruptly he pulled away, "y/n-" you cut him off, hoping that he would fall under your spell, "don't deny me, not right now." his blue eyes locked with yours, those long thick eyelashes that framed your glittering eyes pulled him in once more and all it took was a soft whispered, "please charlie..." he pulled your shirt off and tossed it aside before flipping you over so you were now under him. charles began kissing your neck gently right at that spot you loved so much. your eyes began to fall shut as you finally let the worries you held on to leave your mind, opening up your thoughts to be taken over by the man above you.
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
isthatyn
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liked by hugomicallef, tiffanyandco, and 992, 711 others
isthatyn never want this break to end 💐🧡
tyla everything about you 🩷
⤷ isthatyn TYLA- PLS WAIT I LOVE YOU PLEASE LOVE OF MY LIFE
⤷ tyla ilysm pretty girl, we have to get together sometime
⤷ charles_leclerc excuse me 😐
⤷ isthatyn charles_leclerc STOP EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF TYLA ✋🏾
altonmason u r so hawt
⤷ isthatyn LMAOOOO TY ILY ILY ILY 💖💗
username10 y/n pls may i have your hand in marriage 💍
⤷ isthatyn no you may not - charles
⤷ username10 sharing is caring charles 😔
⤷ isthatyn i don't care. therefore, she's mine - charles
hugomicallef can charles fight?
⤷ charles_leclerc yes he can. would you like to come find out? 🙃
username11 ion mean to be rude or nun but do he realize he's talking to his PROFESSIONAL BOXER of a friend about fighting...he'd lose...badly
⤷ username12 how do u kno? he could be able to throw down
⤷ username13 baby the dimples and blue eyes aren't gonna help him in a fight. he'd be cooked in under 30 seconds 💀💀💀
hugomicallef like an angel of the sea, a siren calling my name 😘
⤷ isthatyn ambulance sirens are going to be calling your name if you don't get out of my fucking comments you sick fuck 🖕
⤷ carlossainz55 this is really not cool man...
⤷ landonorris she's not calling your fucking name dipshit
⤷ oscarpiastri get out of here
⤷ alex_albon BOOOOO 👎TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO!!!! 🍅🍅🍅
⤷ lewishamilton have some respect dude
⤷ pierregasly she doesn't fucking like you
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
there was no point in trying to avoid having the conversation that you should have had days ago. hugo was very obviously flirting with you and judging by the fact that multiple drivers hopped into your comment section coming to your defense, it was obvious charles had told them something. the minute charles came home from a workout you made a beeline to the bathroom to hide. as much as you knew there was no point, that worry of him blaming you and leaving controlled all rational thoughts.
you remained silent in the bathroom until charles slowly pushed the door open and didn't say anything to you. he was very obviously infuriated by the entire ordeal but he didn't even know the entire thing. silently you watched cautiously and he simply walked up to you and placed a hand on your cheek before kissing you so gently against your lips. he pulled away and asked quietly, "i'll shower and then we talk, yes?" you nodded silently and shuffled away into your bedroom where the ten minutes he took felt like ten hours.
when charles was finally out of the shower you were staring out the bedroom window watching people outside. you jumped when you felt a pair of warm hands around your waist turn you to face the other direction. charles held your gaze as he asked, "why didn't you tell me that he was messaging you?" tears immediately filled your eyes and panic coursed through your veins as heat warmed your cheeks, "i didn't- i'm sorry i-i didn't want to ruin your friendship i knew that you two were childhood friends and i thought if i ignored him then he'd leave me alone but he didn't and i should have told you immediately but i was scared you'd blame me and i didn't want to make you mad and-"
your boyfriend held onto your hands and led you to the edge of your bed, "darling please take a deep breath. i'm not mad at you, i'm mad at him for disrespecting you and our relationship. i also should have talked to him sooner, but i didn't want you to feel guilty for anything that happened. you shouldn't have had to deal with this, and i'm sorry for not being there to defend you when it started. i'm no longer friends with hugo, the entire friend group is no longer friends with him....also i will admit you did make me laugh with the last messages you sent him to tell him off." when you looked up with a worried gaze he clarified, "he sent me all of them to try to make you look like the one at fault."
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you let out a sigh and charles pulled you closer to his chest where he could still feel your heart racing a mile a minute. he kissed the top of your head and said, "i'm sorry my darling." you melted into his embrace and you sniffled softly, "thank you...but i still feel like....guilty?" charles squeezed you tighter, "the only thing you are guilty of is being my only love, my pretty girl." you finally let out a small laugh, the first he's heard from you in a week. there was a warm gentleness to his voice as he told you, "i never want you to feel like you can't tell me something, especially when it's something like this okay?" you hummed in understanding and he kissed you once more, giving one last squeeze before letting you go.
𓇼 ⋆.˚ 𓆉 𓆝 𓆡⋆.˚ 𓇼
the end.
678 notes · View notes
bittersw33t-lotus · 5 months ago
Text
Romeo and Juliet
Ghosting series pt. 2
Simon “Ghost” Riley x fem! Reader
Cw:mentions of fighting, blood, pregnancy (this is gonna be on the whole series so…), hospital visit, reader is mentioned to listen to rock music :)
A/N thank yall for the love and support, I love yall (platonically of course)😘
part 1 here
part 3 here
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It’s been a few weeks since you’ve been living with Stacy and her husband, Jared.
It’s been pretty good, they’ve been kind to you, you been helping around as much as you could, and they’ve been doing a lot to make sure you’re okay and willing to help you with anything.
Jared has been fairly nice and generous. Today is your first check up at the hospital and ultrasound. Jared offered to take you to your appointment, which you accepted since your car battery decided to take a crap right as you returned home from the store the other day, so now you have to wait for it to arrive at the mechanics before you get take it over to get fixed. This leaves you with no independent transportation for at least a week. Luckily Stacy had been able to take you to and from work but today she wasn’t able to take you to your check up due to having to work late. Thankfully, Jared offered to take you to the doctors, to which you gratefully accepted.
On the way there you started some small talk with him. “How long have you and Stacy been together?” You ask him as you watch the trees pass by along with building around the area as he enters the highway.
Jared looks at you for a quick second before focusing back on the road. “Been together for about four years now. Two years since we’ve been married.” He says with a small smile, you’ve seen all the things they’ve done together, so many adventures, dinners, vacations, you would’ve thought they’ve been together for more than that if he hadn’t said anything.
You realize that Stacy seemed to move to marry him pretty quickly, which wasn’t a bad thing, as long as you know that Jared has the best intentions for your sister. It was the same with her last boyfriend, taking any chance she got to up and move in with him at any chance she got.
But you aren’t worried, Jared seems to be a sweetheart, you e seen it over the few weeks you’ve spent here. He always engaged and doing anything around the house he can do. He and Stacy worked like a team. You also saw the way he looked at Stacy like the held all the stars in the sky. You wouldn’t admit it out loud but, you were jealous.
“We’ve been best friends since high school. Of course, she ended up with her boyfriend before I could confess my feelings to her. long story short he tried to have her cut contact with me but with a lot of persuasion she ended up leaving him and we got together in collage shortly after I beat the shit out of him." he chuckled seeming to be a bit ashamed at admitting it, but he wasn’t sorry though.
That took you by surprise, you never expected him be a guy to use violence just by looking at him. He seemed more like a lover than a fighter. Reguardless, you’re glad he stepped in, in any way, just to get that prick away from your sister. "Well, I'm glad Stacy has you. I remember seeing that guy before she moved out and he never gave me a good feeling." You say as the car gets off the freeway on the road that leads stright to the hospital. You can see the street changing to one of a more fancy and modernized road with trees every few feet, fancy black fencing, and lighting.
Jared smiled at you, noticing that your compliment took him by surprise. "Thanks." he says and focusing on driving, a small pause of silence between you two before he speaks up. "If you don't mind me asking, your sister told me a bit about the history between you two and how life was growing up but, how did you meet that guy?" He asks, you feel yourself start to think back on the memories between you and Simon, it was bittersweet and made the strings in your heart tug. "You don't have to tell me; I respect your privacy." Jared is quick to say noticing your face drop a bit.
You shook your head and wave your hand in a unbothered manner. “No, no. It’s alright. I don’t mind.” You say as you look at ahead of you towards the road. “I met him in my freshman year of high school, Simon was a sophomore. I first saw in when he got into a fight, but I didn’t talk to him until a week later when I was put into detention.”
✯Flashback✯
You were making your way to your fourth period, walking through the schools' hallway past others students walking trying to get to their next class. As you're about to turn the corner down the hall, you hear a sudden grunt before a loud metallic bang echos through the hall. A few feet away from you, you see everyone looking in one certain area from the origin of the sound hearing continuos grunts and chatter form other students looking intrigued, shocked and also unbothered with what they saw. You make your way towards the crowd getting a sense of what could be happening which was soon confirmed to be true when you manage to look between the gaps of the crowd to see two guys duke it out. The guy pinned against the locker getting multiple shots of fists to the face you recognized him as Todd Hanes. The renowned senior asshole in school. He always picked and tormented other kids younger, or others who seemed weaker than him.
The other guy punching him had his back turned to you, he had short blonde hair and wore a grey t-shirt that really defined his muscles well. You can see he worked out a lot with the way his bicep flexed as he pinned Todd against the locker. You moved closer to get more of a clear view of the fight and watched as the blonde guy raised his fist and socked Todd square in the face, repeating the action over and over again as your peers around you watching the fight. Todd tried to fight back but to no avail with the fists he received to his face. The students around cheered or reacted verbally to the fight as you heard "ooo's' and a few other words being said as they all watched Todd practically get beaten to a pulp which was much deserved. Todd looked pathetic trying to fight back and ended up shielding his face ultimately giving up on fight back.
it wasn't long before a teacher stepped in and tried to pull the blonde off Todd, whos' face was now battered with his own blood, nosebleed and busted lip dripping blood down his shirt. it took two teachers to pull the blonde off Todd and once they did Todd slid down the locker down to the floor barely conscious and seemingly dazed and confused as everyone stared in shock. You finally got to see the blonde guy's face and immediately, you felt your stomach flutter. He was downright breath taking, his brown eyes look like there was a raging fire in him, he heaved heavy breaths as he stared down Todd, whos' face was all swollen, battered and bloody. Meanwhile he only had a bloody nose.
As weird as it was but looking at him like that really awoken something in you and had your brain go fuzzy with just the image of him. As he was pulled away to what you assume was to the principal's office you watch as the teachers helped walk Todd to the nurse's office supporting him up and walking him over.
After that, you didn’t see the blonde guy. However when you asked your friend about him, they told you his name was Simon, she knew since she had a class with him. But it wasn’t long until you saw him again.
You had gotten Lunch detention for two days, you had gotten the note during you second period after you showed up to your first period late for the hundreth time. You sighed in annoyance and crumble up the paper dreading for your upcoming punishment.
When finalllylunch came by you made you way to the library where lunch detention was being held, where you had to sit there in silence for 15 minutes. Walking through the doors you look around and see how surprisingly full it was, all of the round tables had a few students sitting in every single one of them, all except for the one table in the far corner back. Where you spot Simon sitting at, your heart did a back flip at the sight of his blonde hair that peaked through the hood of his sweater. Seeing that he was the only table with less students, and it would be reasonable to sit at his table instead of the other full ones, you began contemplate on wether you wanted to sit at his table or the table next to him where a group of boys sat, you hardly judged anyone but these guys just by the looks of them seemed to be ones to torment girls just for fun, so the easier option was to sit with Simon.
It was nerve wracking walking into the library seeing so many students in the room, you expected there to be only five but there was almost twenty in here, you feared one little noise could cause everyone to turn and stare at you if you so much as breathed the wrong way.
As you walked and approached the table where Simon sat at you began to notice and take in his appearance, his blonde hair was slicked back, a bandage on his nose, from the fight with Todd, and a bruise, it was odd, it looked to be a fresh bruise on his jawline. It had been over a week since the fight, he wouldn’t have a bruise or to the least bit, just have faint bruising. Did he get into another fight?
Your thought were short circuited when his honey brown eyes move up to meet yours, he stared at you through his blonde lashes. You’re surprised and quickly avert your gaze towards the floor ahead of you before you finally reach the table and pull out the chair adjacent where he sat, sitting down trying your best to make the least amount of noise possible. You can feel his eyes linger on you until he moves his arm out to pick up his pencil and focus on the papers on the table that you assumed was his class work.
You try your best to calm your heart that’s currently beating rapidly, it’s absurd how much he’s had an affect on you just by his appearance and a singular glance he gave you. No way you’re this down bad, you thought.
You quietly settle into your seat and set you bag down before opening it up and pulling out your own homework while you steal a few glances at him, an continue to do so as you “work on your homework,” unaware of how obvious you’re being.
At the end of detention the teacher dismisses everyone as you pack away your papers and pencil back into your binder, slipping the binder in your bag your pencil slipped out and falls to the floor rolling a feet away from you. Before you lean down to pick it up, a hand lowers down and grabs the object, you look up and meet Simon’s eyes as he leans back up and extends his arm out to you with your pencil in hand.
You’re dumbfounded for a second, staring at him like a deer in headlights. You manage to mutter out a ‘Thanks’ before reaching your hand out to grab it from him, trying your best to not show how shakey your hand is. As you grab your pencil you try you best to avoid touching his fingers with yours, but you index finger barely grazed his own before you pulled away and slipped your pencil back in your bag.
“Is there something on my face?” He spoke to you, you couldn’t tell if he was genuinely asking you a question or threatening you right now. You’re taken back by how deep and rough his voice sounded, its wasn’t very deep yet but it sounded like his voice was in the process of getting there.
“Sorry…” You say with a puzzled look on your face.
Simon continued to look at you seeming unfazed. “You kept staring at me, did you need something or you just have a staring problem?” He asks, his voice unchanging from his unfazed tone, along with the blank look in his eyes.
You quickly shake your head and try to think of something, then you remembered how you noticed on his backpack he had set on the table. You saw he had a Misfits keychain hanging on the zipper of his bag so you quickly use that as an excuse. “I noticed you had a misfits keychain on your backpack and thougt it was cool-” You blurt out, you words coming out so fast as you grew nervous, Simon almost couldn’t understand what you said at first.
You see him raise a brow at your response as he looks at his bag that was still on the table, then looks back at you and takes in your appearance, his eyes glazing over your body from head to toe. “You listen to the Misfits?” He asks seeming unconvinced by your words.
You figured he may not believe you possiblywith your outfit and appearance, however he shouldn’t be one to judge, all he was wearing today was a black sweater and jeans. You do listen to rock and metal music, you recently got into it thanks to your friend. So luckily for you, you knew some music and information about the Misfits. You nod your head, “Yeah, I’ve been getting into rock music lately and Misfits were one of the first bands I listened to. They’re pretty good.” You say as a small smile makes its way to your face hoping that he’ll believe you were only looking at his neck packs and definitely not checking him out.
Simon seems like he wanted to say more but shook his head. “Alright then.” He says before grabbing his bag, slinging the strap over his shoulder and walking out the library to wherever it was he was going.
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding and take notice of how hot your face felt. Crap, you were blushing. He definitely knows you were checking him out!
After that, you suddenly saw him everywhere, you noticed him in your English class, apparently, he’s been in your class this whole time and you never knew, you saw in the halls between passing periods, and of course you saw him again on your second and last day of lunch detention. There were slightly less kids in the library now which meant a couple of tables were empty. When you first entered you expected to see simon already sitting there but you noticed the lack of his presence, you assumed his days in detention were over which made you a bit disappointed. But at least you still got to see him in English class though. As you took your seat at the same table you pull out your essay you were working on for English class, you were almost done with it, just needed to add any finishing touches. Your essay was about the recent book your class read, Romeo and Juliet. The teacher had the class take a theme or idea of what you thought about what the book would be about and how it could relate to readers universally.
As you worked, you had your head looking down and hyper focused on your paper, too busy to see movement around you and a certain figure approaching your table. It wasn't until you heard a thud against the table that made you jump slightly and look up to see Simon at your table setting his bag down on the table before sitting down across from you, you look around and take notice that there were still a couple of empty tables left for him to sit at but he still opted to sit at the table where you were at, why?
Not wanting to overthink and get ahead of yourself, you thought maybe that because he's been in detention longer than you that maybe this was his designated table that he preferred to sit at. He looks at you as he sits in his chair, you look back down at your paper and tried your best to refocus on your essay but much to your dismay Simon was clouding your mind as your mind went into overdrive with him around, and suddenly you began to struggle to write anything.
As you tried to get the cogs in your head to start functioning again, unbeknownst to you, Simon was looking at you, watching how focused you were seeming to struggle a bit as your brows furrowed and your lips pursed. He takes notice of your paper and from what he can see from his view, he can see the noticeable pictures primted on next to the lettering and recognizes the paper to be the latest assignment in their English class. Writing something about Romeo and Juliet. He wondered if he should ask for your help since he saw how you had two pages done, maybe you can help give him an idea of how the story is since he hardly bothered to read the book and get the assignment done, like with all his other classes.
He debates if he should say something to you but ultimately says 'fuck it' and leans in his forearms leaning on the table to whisper to you with ease and not get caught. "You doin' the assignment for English?" He asks you in a whisper, careful not to get caught talking but the librarian was currently too caught up on whatever work she was getting done on her computer and the soft music she played was loud enough to blanket over his whisper.
you look up at him again and stare at him for a second processing what he's said to you. "Oh yeah, I'm just adding some finishing touches before I submit it." You tell him watching his eyes flicker to you and your paper.
"You think you can help me out a bit on mine? Been having some trouble with it. " He asks you as you set down your pencil seeing that you weren't going to write down anything else for now and focus on talking with Simon.
You look at him a bit taken back on the fact he wants your help. This means you get to talk to him more, perfect! "Yeah, would you be okay if we did this once detentions over? I'm not trying to get caught and have to stay here for longer." You tell him as you sneak a glance at the teacher seeing she's still occupied with her computer.
Simon nods and leans back in his chair. "Yeah, sounds good." he tells you. You try your best to fight back the smile that threatened to break through before you nod and look back at your paper completely not bothered to work with your thought clouded with just Simon.
Once detention was over, Simon gets up while you place your items back into your bag. Once you put everything away you see Simon standing there waiting for you, you zip up your bag and sling it over your shoulder and begin to walk towards the exit of the library, Simon following right beside you. “Were did you want to go?” You ask him as you both walk down the hall.
Simon thinks for a moment before pointing to the hallway to the right. “We can head down to the hallway to the band room.” He said as you look down the hall before nodding your head as you both turn right and make your way through the hallway. You figured that hall would be best to study, there’s hardly anyone in there minus the teachers but some kids go there to be alone, away from everyone else. You assume that’s why Simon wanted to go there.
Once you reached the hallway, you both spot a little lounging area at the end of the hall where the elevator was to go upstairs. Walking up to the table you set your things down and take your seats next to each other but Simon and you still kept a good distance from you. You bring out your papers from your bag, Simon doing the same.
Once you both settle and you look at Simon. “So what exactly did you need help with?” You ask him.
“All of it.” He states nonchalantly. “I haven’t really read the story much, just skimmed through a few chapters so I have a slight idea of what is going on but I don’t know what to write about it.” He tell you and keeps his eyes on the paper avoiding looking at you in case he saw the dissatisfied look in your face, he’s a bit worried you’ll think just he’s asking for your help simply to just copy off you.
“Oh well, you basically just choose a theme in the book and write about how you interpret the idea yourself and how it would make readers feel about it as a ‘universal thought.’ ” You explain to him. “So from the little information you’ve gathered from the book, what do you think one of the themes are?” You ask him.
Simon sighed and thought long and hard about it. “From what I knows is that the two are in a forbidden love story, something about family drama between their families. After the death of the two lovers they the family came together.”
You smile and nod at him, “That’s pretty much what the entire story is about. So write about that.” You tell him as you motion to his paper.
Simon nods and writes down a couple of notes to keep in mind. While he was writing he asked you, “What did you write about?”
You look at him and then at your papers. “It might sound a little silly…” You mumble as you avoid his gaze.
Simon raises a brow. “How so? Either way, I’m not one to judge considering I didn’t bother to read the book all the way.”
You glance at him as you fidget with your pencil. “Well, I focused on reincarnation and how cruel the world can be sometimes. The reincarnation part, I was worried the Mr. Jones would tell me not to include it but he told me to keep it, said it would be interesting since some people do believe in reincarnation.” You explain as you see that Simon seems to have his full attention on you, much to your surprise. “So I wrote about how love isn’t always a fairytale love story, life can be cruel and i believe we’ve lived many lives before our current one, our souls are old and our bodies are a temporary thing. Romeo and Juliet never got their happy ending due to some petty drama between her and Romeo’s families that ultimately caused them their happiness and eventually their lives. But I like to think that, reincarnation is a thing, their lifetime may not have been kind to them but maybe their next will be. They’ll find each other again and get to live the life they deserve.” You explain and as you do, Simon listens to every word, he watches you as you explain watching you ramble on about your thoughts of the matter, he watches the way your eyes dart between looking at him and then around the room, you lips moving with every word. Unbeknownst to you and Simon, he was falling in love with you. "I believe soulmates are a thing, Romeo and Juliet are soulmates and soulmates always find their way back to each other in every lifetime, romantic or not everyone has a soulmate." You explain as you glance over your papers.
"How do you know you've found your soulmate?" Simon asks confused on that part.
You then turn to Simon as you both stare at each other for a period of time. “You ever meet someone and within the seconds of your first interaction you feel an immediate connection with them, like being around them just feels… right?” You ask him.
That question made something switch in Simon in his mind as he looks at you. “Yeah… I think I know what you’re talking about.”
✯Flashback end✯
You arrive at the parking lot as you finish telling Jared how you met Simon, of course a shortened version of your story, just the main things. “But yeah, after that day we started hanging out more and more and eventually we began dating a little before I graduated high school.” You tell him as you Finnish up your story, Jared turns the car into the parking lot quickly finding an empty spot.
“He seems different compared to you. I guess opposites really do attract.” Jared chuckled as he sets the car in park and turns off the car.
“You could say that, I guess.” You say, considering your current situation with Simon.
You step out the car and Jared follows behind you as you both enter the hospital building. “I’ll be in here for a bit. You don’t have to stay, you can do your own thing and I’ll let you know when my appointment is over.” You tell him as you close the car door, Jared doing the same.
He shakes his head as you both make your way to the building. “It’s fine. I don’t mind, besides I figured you need as much support as you need.” Jared says giving you a small smile.
You return one back and nod accepting his offer before you turn to the assistant at the desk. “Hi, I’m here to see Dr. Raven for my check up.” You tell the woman as she nods looking up on her computer to check.
“Prenatal check up for y/n l/n?” She asks you as you confirm it with a nod. “Alright, Dr. Raven is currently still with her patient but she should be done in the next ten minutes. Feel free to sit in the waiting room and she’ll be with you shortly.” The assistant smiled at you as you nod back with a smile.
“Thank you.” You mutter as you head over to the lounging area and sit in a chair seeing other woman in the room, some by themselves, some with a relative or another male which you assume may be their partner but you’re not quick to assume. You notice Jared looking a few pamphlets displayed on the wall picking up a couple of pamphlets before sitting down in the chair next to you.
He begins to read one, you can see it’s about baby development, another about how pregnancy affects the woman during and after pregnancy, and the last one for expecting fathers. You’re a little confused on why he’s reading, possibly to pass the time but there are magazines laid out on the little table next to you that he could read. He notices your confusion and points to the pamphlet before speaking. “It’s good to know this stuff, ya know be prepared,” He said as he skimmed over the information.
You him and nod your head. “That’s good.” You reply back as you examine the pictures on the pamphlet.
You can tell there’s something else he wants to say as he takes a deep breath. “Uh… Stacy and I are planing to have kids soon in the near future, kinda thought this would be a good opportunity to read up on this for when the time comes.” He says as you notice his smile becomes wider at the thought of it.
You look at Jared and raise your brow in surprise. “Really? That’s great.” You say as Jared nods continues to smile.
“Thanks. We decided to wait till we settled down, and now that we’re getting there we decided it was time.” He says.
You didn’t think your sister would ever want any kids, you took her as the type to be childfree and live her life being single and on her own. But now that she has Jared by her side, she’s really changed, in a good way of course. “That’s amazing to hear, looks like my baby will have a cousin soon.” You say as you feel your bag vibrate and a chime sounds, opening your bag you fish out your phone and read the screen seeing there’s a message from Stacy.
Stacy: How’s the check up going?
You: Still in the waiting room, just got here but it’s shouldn’t be too long.
You send the message and revive a reply a few seconds later.
Stacy: Oh, well let me know how my little niece or nephew is doing, make sure you follow whatever your doctors says to keep you and the baby healthy. Also when you come back I have a surprise for you ;)
You look at the message a bit confused but smile a bit excited for the surprise.
“Yn.” A voice calls out to you, you look up to see a nurse with a clip board in hand scanning around the waiting room looking for you.
You stand up letting yourself be known, “Right here.” You say with a smile.
The nurse looks at you and offers you a kind smile. “Perfect, Dr. Raven is ready to see you.” She says.
You nod your head and look at Jared, “You okay with waiting out here?” You ask him as he looks up at you and nodded.
“yeah, I’ll be waiting out here.” Jared says and give you a reassuring smile and nod. “Good luck.”
You smile at him before making your way towards the nurse feeling anxious and antsy for some reason. You didn’t know why you felt like this but then again, you’ll be seeing your baby for the first time at least through a screen until the big day you deliver the baby.
As you walk through the halls with the nurse leading you through. You spot a couple in the distance, the woman with a noticeable bump as he husband smiles at her as the walk into a room with his hand around her waist leading her into the room. You feel a emptiness overcome you as you suddenly feel your body grow cold, if you didn’t feel alone before, you definitely felt it right now. You imagine what could’ve been if Simon wanted to stick around, how these visits would be less lonely and filled with more joy then the melancholy feeling you were experiencing right now. He would’ve been able to see your growing baby, see your bump grow bigger over the month before you finally get to meet them and live the rest of your lives as parents.
Thought of your memory with Simon, talking to him about Romeo and Juliet you found it amusing with how your life had played out, almost like the story, life didn’t play out the way you wanted with Simon. Life really can be cruel.
꧁————————꧂
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wileys-russo · 9 months ago
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colour blind II f.rolfö (18+)
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still working my way through the anxiety that comes with posting and not hating things that are 18+! minors DNI or you will be blocked. all swedish is translated so apologies if its wrong! colour blind II f.rolfö
"älskling!" you looked up from your phone at your fiancé's shout for you, tucking it into the pocket of the sweatpants you wore which were hers anyway.
the swedish crest sat on your thigh and you'd rolled the ends of the pants up several times so you wouldn't trip over given your fiancé's long legs seemingly made up eighty percent of her body.
"you called?" you smiled in amusement as you appeared in the door frame of your shared bedroom, though it was quickly replaced with shock as you took in the tall blonde standing a few feet away in front of the large mirror that faced your bed.
"gold or silver?" the defender asked with a frown of indecision, holding up two different belts against the dark charcoal two piece suit she had on, a black bralette you were fairly sure was yours just visible as she'd only done up the bottom button of her jacket.
"kärlek did you hear-" fridolina stopped as she glanced to you and saw your face, a smug smile curving into her sharp features as a small chuckle left her mouth. "you like then?" she turned to face you properly now, both belts still in hand and gesturing to her choice of outfit.
"no i hate it. you look far too good and you need to change right now." you shook your head furtively as your fiancé moved toward you, tossing the belts onto the bed and stopping now looking down at you in amusement.
"bedårande, like you could ever tell me what to do." frido sighed, her thumb tracing your bottom lip sending goosebumps down your arms as her chuckle reverberated around the air between the two of you.
you stood on the tips of your toes as she bent down, ducking her head toward you agonizingly slow, lips just ghosting your own as her thumb remained on your bottom lip.
"gold or silver min söta?" the blonde breathed out, grinning as you tried to close the gap between the two of you and her head retracted back, thumb tugging your bottom lip downward before letting go with a small pop.
"gold." you answered right away, near floating as you were finally rewarded with a quick kiss, the footballer pulling away far too soon for your liking as all traces of her touch disappeared from your body.
"yes, gold." she swiftly grabbed the belt from the bed and moved back to the mirror, nodding in approval before slipping it through the loops of her suit pants, having undone her jacket your eyes roamed the sliver of tanned toned skin between them and the bralette with a hungry gaze.
you looked away right as she caught you, clicking her tongue disapprovingly and giving you a look as you smiled innocently and took a seat on the edge of the bed.
"thought you didn't do what i told you to?" you teased lightly at the way she'd just done exactly what you said by going with the gold.
"it doesn't count if i give you the options and tell you to make a decision älskling, watch it." the blonde warned with a smile but you could see that slight glimmer in her eyes warding you off not pushing it any further.
"don't you roll those at me, you know better than that hjärtat." her tone sharpened as you rolled your eyes playfully, yet another warning as mentally the blonde chalked up a second strike in her mind.
since being finally medically cleared after her knee surgery and returning back to full time training your fiancé had admittedly been absent a lot lately.
the days that would once be spent driving her to and from the training centre or checks ups and appointments were now gone as she was again cleared to be behind the wheel, and having normally been the driver in your relationship the blonde was all too eager to resume that role.
the hours you'd once spend wrapped up together under a blanket watching mindless reality tv in your shared home were gone, quality time together some days now felt like mere minutes as she was flying in and out of the door all hours with various commitments and meetings and trainings.
but nights were your favorite time of day with your swedish lover.
the two of you unless out for date night or far too tired to be bothered would near always cook dinner together. a routine you'd fallen hopelessly in love with on just your fourth date with the defender when she'd invited you over to cook you dinner, the first time the two of you had spent any time together that wasn't in a public setting had you nervously excited
frido picked up on this energy right away and was quick to welcome you with a soft kiss hello as she invited you in. a quick tour of her apartment was followed by a spontaneous make out session like horny teenagers when she was determined to 'show you how soft her mattress was'.
the blonde had put music on while she cooked and twirled you all around boasting she could have been a ballroom dancer if she didn't pursue football.
your shared laughter echoed melodiously around the fragrant kitchen, the swede singing along, every now and then dipping you and stealing kiss after kiss as she insisted on having you assist her to prep things, much as you teased that the entire point of someone cooking for you was not to be involved.
but when you were given a sweet kiss every time you completed a task as simple as stirring something for a few seconds or chopping up some peppers, who were you to complain.
fast forward to the life you'd built together over the years, currently living together in spain after spending a couple of years in germany and back home in sweden where you'd first met, now very happily engaged you'd follow the blonde anywhere in the world she asked you to.
and as much as the defender swore up and down that she wouldn't, you knew she'd also do anything and go anywhere you asked at the drop of a hat, both of you just as much head over heels for one another and unable to imagine a life without the other in it.
in winter she'd be sure to make good use of the fireplace she'd insisted on having in your spanish home despite the fact it hardly got anywhere near as cold in barcelona as it did in sweden.
you'd always tease her for stocking it up while the pair of you had hardly any clothes on and it was still not even near the negatives in temperature, a stark contrast to the way you'd need to be well bundled up in sweden to which she'd just roll her eyes and hide a smile.
the two of you would be tangled up together in front of it talking about everything and nothing for hours until the logs had died out and all that was left were mere crackling embers as your fiancé would pick you up and effortlessly carry you to bed.
though that was nothing compared to the much grander fire place she had back in sweden in the home you both owned there for when you returned during breaks and holidays, a fire place that you'd both done many many things in front of.
you'd always feel a particular ache return anytime you'd glance at it even when sat dormant, cold and empty when the two of you were back in sweden.
looking at it your mind always raced back to a night you'd acted up at a dinner with some friends, one of the first nights you'd spent back in sweden after moving to germany so frido could play for wolfsburg.
having not seen anywhere near as much of your girlfriend as you'd liked the entire time you were both back home and feeling a little neglected you decided to do something you knew would capture her attention.
needless to say the older girl had spent the entire evening making you pay for it once you returned home from dinner, whisking you away the very moment she'd generously paid the bill for the entire table.
it hadn't taken long once you started properly going out together and sharing your bodies with one another that despite her soft and loving tendencies as a partner, frido not only needed but craved and relished being in control.
in control over you, your behavior, your body, your orgasms. and you learned very quickly just how far she would go to put you back into place if you dared forget it, never to take her kindness for a weakness as in the blink of an eye she could go from ridiculously soft to domineeringly stern so fast it made your head spin.
your body had been near screaming for release the very moment your girlfriend had all but thrown you against the front door the second it closed, shoving her tongue in your mouth and simultaneously wrapping her large strong hand around your throat.
a small moan left your mouth as she'd tangled her other hand in your hair and tugged you to the living room where the fireplace was alive and crackling. its warmth wrapping tendrils around the small room as you were pushed down to your knees in front of it, frido having stocked it up well before you'd left for dinner.
once the taller girl got what was required and made herself comfortable on the shaggy rug on the floor with a cushion behind her back, she'd beckoned you over and for hours held you prisoner on the edge of a release she didn't deem you'd earned with your behavior at dinner.
which she had no problems advising over and over, stripping you down to nothing the swede had you ride yourself up and down her favorite strap which sat on her hips at a sinfully slow pace as she sat back and read a book like you weren't even there.
much to your displeasure she'd hardly undressed herself, keeping on the dark forest green pants she'd worn to dinner and getting the harness comfortable over her hips.
the swede had removed her coat and jumper as she left you kneeling in the living room before the fireplace. which had her in just an intricate lacy bra which left very little to the imagination, which was also forest green and matched both the pants she had on and the lacy thong hidden beneath them which was supposed to be an intended reward for you.
as you rode yourself up and down the strap at her ordered pace the only words that left her lips were warning you to be quiet or keep going as you'd whine needily or attempt to stop, her tone cold and calculating which somehow just made you crave her even more.
feeling you were nearing the edge again she'd ordered you to slow down, sharply twisting your left nipple between her thumb and forefinger when you didn't do so fast enough as tears pricked at your eyes and you broke down begging for a release.
the older girl had only looked at you over the top of her book with a slight pout, one hand moving to settle against your cheek as you leaned into her touch, her thumb gently wiping at the tears.
"poor baby. you just need it so badly, mm?" she'd whispered as you nodded and her sardonic smile grew, pushing a loose strand of hair away from your face, your forehead beaded with sweat as still you rode yourself up and down, legs shaking and on the brink of collapse.
"you look so pretty when you need me min ängel, such a pretty pretty girl." the blonde had cooed softly, her thumb moving to slip into your mouth as she gripped your chin tightly and forced your head back, leaning in closer.
her bright blue eyes stalked your naked body hungrily as her tone once again became sharp and cold barking out her next order, the sudden switch from soft to stern making your head spin but in the very best way.
"now, did i tell you that you could stop? nej. gå igen!"
back to present day of course you'd never resent her for the fact she was around much less, having worked tirelessly to pick up the pieces when the setback from the injury had broken her all those months ago.
you were endlessly proud of your fiancé and nothing made you happier than the day you watched her run back out onto the pitch, the cheers deafening as you caught her eye and grinned. of course she only went and scored a goal, making a heart at you with her fingers as you'd laughed and cheered even louder.
though just as much as you were proud of her, you also missed her and missed her presence around as much, to which you knew you could just tell her, but you knew that was much less likely to get you what you really wanted.
"vacker flicka." you complimented with an adoring smile as she fixed the belt around her waist and popped in some simple gold hoops, flashing you a grin through the mirror.
"min underbara flicka." the blonde returned your soft smile, moving to cup your face in her hands and kissing you so tenderly as if worried you might break. "now, for your outfit älska." frido poked at your nose and let go, striding off into your shared closet as you leaned back on your elbows.
glancing at the clock you knew there wasn't a chance the two of you would be late given how early the blonde had gotten ready, forbidding you from doing the same until she had the time to carefully select every element for you.
again, the need for control.
"this." she returned a few moments later with a floor length deep cherry red dress in hand, the two of you headed out for a celebratory dinner with her management team after a successful month back on the pitch for your fiancé.
"is it not a big formal kärlek?" you asked carefully as the blondes eyebrows furrowed into a slight frown. you'd last worn the dress to the wedding of one of your closest friends, and though you knew it was a fancier restaurant you were to dine at tonight it felt a bit much.
"you do not like it?" the defender questioned with a neutral tone though you saw from the ever so slight clench in her jaw you needed to tread carefully here. "no i do baby but, it is just a dinner though, no?" you echoed softly.
"yes, a dinner where i want to show everyone my beautiful fiancé and how good she looks in red. so, put it on please käresta ." frido spoke calmly, clearing the distance between you both and very carefully laying the dress out on the bed beside you, smoothing out a few loose wrinkles.
"okay." you agreed with a nod and a smile up at her, the taller girl straightening up with a hum, thumb tracing your jawline. "good girl." the blonde praised as your stomach flipped, a kiss pressed to your forehead before her phone started to ring and she quickly excused herself to the office so you could get ready in peace.
you assumed the phone call was work related as you'd already done your makeup by the time she returned, now trying to decide on your hair. "leave it out." your fiancé spoke as she strode back into the room, seeing you frown lightly as you tugged at your hair trying to decide how to do it.
"you look gorgeous." the blonde smiled, a laugh leaving your lips as she grabbed your waist and dipped you, kissing your cheek as to not smudge the pale pink lipstick you'd just finished applying.
"charming as ever sötnos." you smiled softly as she grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles with a wink making you grin, the girls reply cut off as her phone rang again. she gave you an apologetic look as you waved her off, promising to meet her downstairs once you were dressed as she kissed your cheek again and you heard her footsteps retreat out of the room.
eyeing off the cherry red maxi dress a few things came to mind, and suddenly a multitude of voices were all screaming things at you and trying to drown out the others as you crossed your arms, looking between the dress your fiancé selected and back toward your closet where you knew a handful of other options lay waiting.
you knew what you should do, and what the consequences of not doing as your swedish lover had asked of you would be. but the thought of what those could lead to coupled with the fact that the voice which seemed the be loudest was the one urging you to find a different dress, meant a decision was quickly made.
frido was still on the phone when you finally made your way downstairs, the two of you needing to leave within the new few minutes to be on time to the restaurant, which to your fiancé meant being fifteen minutes early.
though as her eyes landed on you she mumbled an apology in swedish and quickly ended the call, piercing blue orbs raking over you and the fact you were not wearing the dress she'd so lovingly picked out for you.
"that is not the red dress i picked kärlek." she spoke calmly, phone in hand as she raised herself from the sofa and stalked toward you. you made a face of surprise and looked down at yourself at her words.
"isn't it? i guess i must be color blind." you smiled, watching your fiancé's jaw clench as she arrived in front of you. your breath caught in your throat as suddenly her hand was gripping your jaw and tilting your head back, unimpressed stare baring down at you.
"älskling. tonight is important to me, do not be a brat." the defender warned sharply, your stomach flipping at her tone but still the smile never left your face, well aware that would only infuriate the tall blonde even more.
you winced just slightly as her fingers dug into your jaw and she moved your head to the side, bending down so her lips ghosted your ear. "you will go upstairs and put on the dress i chose, quickly. or i can make us late and i will turn your ass the same shade of red as that dress and you can struggle to sit down all night." your fiancé rasped as your knees nearly buckled at her words.
"now hjärtevännen are you going to change or am i taking off this belt you so lovingly chose?" she smiled as if her words didn't make your legs go limp as she let go of you and you swallowed.
"words baby." frido reminded hands moving to your waist and holding you in front of her. "i will go and change." you managed out, head melting even more as she hummed happily, thumb again tracing your bottom lip, smudging your lipstick slightly.
"good girl."
~
at dinner you'd wound up sat across from your fiancé, and despite her very clear earlier warnings, you were far from on your best behaviour.
you ignored the blonde as she tried to speak with you, investing your attentions instead in her pr representative who was sat on your left, indulging his seemingly endless stories about his wife and kids who in all honestly seemed lovely but in this moment you could have cared less about.
all you cared about was the piercing gaze from the woman across the table which you felt burning into the side of your head as you hardly spared her a glance of your own, merely offering a hum or a nod as she tried to capture your attention back on her.
normally your fiancé despite her at times controlling tendencies was not a jealous woman, you'd never given her a reason to be as the two of you were far too in love with one another to pay anyone else a glance.
and anytime you'd acted out prior you'd never used flirting with another person to do so, to you that was as bad as cheating and as much as at times you enjoyed nothing more than riling up and getting under the skin of your swedish lover you knew that was a step too far.
but that didn't mean you were above placating this poor mans stories and photos as a means to ignore her, there was no flirting, no touching, nothing above platonic but still the lack of attention you threw her was doing wonders at making fridolinas head burn with annoyance.
once everyones food came you switched tactics, eating in an overtly sexual manner and paying now near too much attention to the blonde across from you, holding eye contact as you sucked on your spoon with a sultry smile and gave a quiet moan of pleasure, not quite loud enough to attract the attention of those around you but it worked a treat on your fiancé who stiffened.
her warning looks were dismissed as sat across the table and surrounded by her team she could hardly give you a verbal talking to, settling for her blue orbs piercing lasers into your head sending a message of their own which still you ignored.
the final straw came when the desert plates were being cleared and the wine was still flowing, conversation not near ceasing as you were growing tired of waiting.
you uncrossed your legs and kicked off one of your heels, slowly raising one and finding the blondes chair, suddenly pressing the tip of your foot inbetween her legs against her covered crotch.
you smiled subtly as frido choked on her mouthful of wine from the one glass she'd been babysitting all night having training tomorrow. her team fussed over her as her cheeks flushed red with embarrassment and she pushed your foot away, shooting you a glare and quickly assuring everyone she was fine as conversation resumed.
her legs now crossed you slipped your shoe back on and dragged your foot up and down her leg, smiling calmly as her eyes burned in warning to stop.
though when you didn't you weren't surprised as suddenly she stood, excusing the two of you claiming she needed to be well rested for training and smiling at the jesting boo's which rang out at her words, but only you could see that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
finished saying your goodbyes her arm settled across your shoulder, guiding you out without a single word, the bill already settled she merely sent a smile to the hostess on your way out.
"get in." she spoke quietly, opening your door for you once you'd reached the car, closing it with a slight slam as you smiled, though that dropped the moment she slid into her own side.
"did you enjoy your meal min kärlek?" you questioned as she started up the engine and pulled out of her parking spot, a stony silence filling the car as her eyes never strayed from the road in front of her.
and though she was doing a seemingly wonderful job at presenting unbothered, you could tell you'd gotten to her from the big three.
the vein in her neck which looked about ready to pop, the way her knuckles went white with how hard she was gripping the steering wheel and the small ripples of tension where she was continually clenching her jaw as she drove.
your excitement grew at the prospect of finally getting what you wanted, remaining silent for the rest of the drive until finally she pulled into the driveway and shut off the car.
the two of you opened your doors, still walking in silence toward your home, your fiancé opening the front door as you strode inside before her, hearing it shut with a click.
kicking off your shoes at the door you barely made it upstairs and one step past the threshold of your bedroom before her hand grabbed the back of your neck, the other wrapping around your throat as your back pressed into the wall and the blonde loomed over you.
she still remained silent, jaw clenched as her piercing blue eyes raked over you, burning with an intensity you'd not seen in far too long, a slightly predatory look hidden behind her obvious displeasure with your actions.
"wipe that smile off your face." her tone was once more cold and calculating, sending a shiver through you as your lips pulled downward into a straight line.
"one dinner. i ask you to behave for one dinner, and you cannot." she spoke with a small shake of her head, the look of disappointment which washed over you having your stomach twist in a completely different way.
"you wanted my attention min älskade, yes?" you waited a moment before speaking, unsure if she actually wanted you to until her hand let go of the back of your neck, instead fisting at your hair and tugging so your chin soared upward and she raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow.
"yes." you answered her, a smile curling into her lips though not one of happiness as her grip on your hair tightened, her other hand still wrapped around your throat though not yet applying any pressure.
"and what are you supposed to do if you are feeling neglected sötnos?" your fiancé questioned calmly, eyebrow still raised. "tell you." it pleased her how quickly you answered, though your answer to her next question did not.
"and did you tell me?" "not with words."
you let out a small moan as at that the hand wrapped around your neck squeezed, her rings cold against your skin which was flushed with heat at the thought of what was to come.
with that you were pushed down to your knees, her hands leaving you as she took a few steps back and you remained where you were, knowing better than to even think to move.
"you seem to have forgotten your place älskling." you watched on with a slackened jaw as your fiancé shrugged off her suit jacket, smoothing it out and draping it over the back of the vanity chair, stepping out of her own heels.
now stood only in charcoal grey suit pants and the lacy black bralette you now knew was yours, you watched as she slowly backed up even further to the bed, eyes locked with yours as you not dared to break her stare.
"from now on, you will do as i say. yes?" taking a seat against the headboard she spread her legs and cocked her head to the side as if sizing you up as you nodded.
"words. i will not warn you again hjärtat." her tone was sharp as you exhaled shakily. "yes." you nodded again as she moved around a little until she was comfortable, hands folded behind her head as you felt yourself grow wet simply at the sight of her.
"stand." she spoke, smug smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as you did so immediately. "strip." you bent over and grabbed the end of the maxi dress, slowly pulling it up and over your head, feeling the blondes eyes hungrily ravish you.
"no underwear älskling? you are a brat." she clicked her tongue with a smirk and a shake of her head as your arousal worsened at those words, removing your bra next at her command.
"come here." she patted at the space between her legs as you almost fell over yourself in your haste to go to her, a slight frown forming as you attempted to climb into her lap only for her to turn your body so your back rested against her chest.
your breath hitched as her ankles hooked around yours, forcing your legs to spread open as her hands glided teasingly over your bare stomach, short nails raking lightly against your hips.
"please." you breathed out as her lips kissed your jaw, hissing as suddenly her fingers were twisting at your nipples causing your hips to buck. "now min kärlek i know you clearly have a problem with this, but listen." her teeth grazed your ear as you fell silent.
"you wanted my attention and you acted out, hoping i would punish you." the older girl started as you nodded. "yes." you spoke, moaning as her large hand wrapped around your neck and squeezed. "that was not a question." she growled as you nodded and just as suddenly as it was there her hand let go and moved back to tracing patterns on your bare stomach.
"you wanted me to touch you, fuck you, teach you a lesson about behaving." she whispered in your ear as your eyes closed and she continued to kiss at your neck, hands ghosting across your skin but not where you needed them, goosebumps rising at her uncharacteristically soft touch.
you opened your eyes and frowned a little as she interlocked hands with yours and swiftly removed your engagement ring, sliding it onto her pinky and keeping a grip on your hand.
"you want me to touch you min kärlek but that would be a reward, and only good girls get rewards. you are not a good girl." she tutted, spare hand grabbing your jaw and forcing your head back against her shoulder so you looked up at her, bright blue eyes and a wolfish grin baring down at you.
"say it." she spoke firmly as you swallowed. "i am not a good girl." you parroted as her eyes roamed your face. your jaw slackened as still forced to look up at her you watched as she took your hand which was intertwined with yours and brought it up to her mouth, your fingers sliding her mouth.
your breathing labored as her eyes remained locked with yours, pulling your hand from her lips with a small string of salvia still connecting them, moving your hand to sit on your stomach, her much larger one on top pinning it there.
at this point without her even doing anything you were dripping with arousal, your fiancé well aware of the fact as she sighed.
"you know i had plans for tonight after dinner hjärtat, i even bought you something special for the occasion. but now, now you have ruined all of my plans." again the condescending tone of her voice had you growing even wetter.
"you thought that being a brat would get you what you wanted? get me to touch you, to fuck you into the mattress and remind you of your place, for hours and hours until you learned your lesson." her words were said in the calmest of tones but it had you letting out a moan.
"but baby you forget that the only person who knows what you need is me, and right now you need to learn to do as you're told." her breath was warm as she chuckled against your neck, nipping at the soft flesh of your throat as you attempted to buck your hips but her hand which pinned yours to your stomach pressed down to prevent it.
"so i will not touch you." your fiancé warned sharply as your eyes flew open and she moved your hand to ghost above your centre. "you will touch yourself and do exactly as i say. or else i will follow through on my promise from earlier and your perfect little ass will match that pretty red dress on the floor and you will get no pleasure from it." she warned sternly as you nodded, her hand leaving yours.
her touch left you entirely for a moment as the apprehension of awaiting instruction had your stomach coiling, her hands sitting on her thighs which were nestled snugly around your body, her ankles still hooked around yours and forcing your legs open.
"one finger sötsaker, slowly in and out." her voice was barely above a whisper, lips trailing wet kisses across your neck as you lowered your hand, inserting your middle finger inside yourself.
"you sound so wet baby, i bet you are dripping." you didn't need to see her face to hear the smirk which would be plastered across it, her left hand moving to cradle you and holding your body flush against hers.
all that left you was a gasp of pleasure at the agonizing slow pace you were fingering yourself, not nearly enough but so much better than nothing as the blonde lips continued to kiss across your skin lightly.
"faster." frido spoke as you obeyed, pumping the single digit faster as again it wasn't quite enough but still you felt the pressure start to build. "one more finger, but slower now." she sung out softly, the way her teeth sank into your shoulder a complete contrast to her tone as you whined.
"no no sötnos, none of that now. this is your fault, and you will learn your lesson." she cooed, ordering you to speed up your pace as you did so, writhing slightly but her one arm wrapped around you held your body down from moving much.
"are you close baby?" she whispered out, sucking a mark into your neck as your eyes closed and you nodded, nearing your climax as you pistoned your fingers faster in and out of yourself.
"good, stop."
you were almost sure you didn't hear her right, hesitating just for a moment which was enough for her other hand to grab at your wrist and yank your hand away with a slight squelch as your fingers left you.
"fuck." you moaned out as her fingers pinched your nipple and her tongue flattened against your neck, licking over the deep red hickey fast forming on your neck, the contrasting sensations sending your head spinning.
"you will do as your told. when i say stop, you will stop." she warned sternly as you nodded, her fingers leaving your nipple as she moved your hand back downward and you started over with one finger again as instructed.
"can't even get yourself off baby? poor thing." she cooed, tone shifting entirely as she kissed over the mark on your neck, once more ordering you to stop right as you were about to hit your peak, a defeated whine leaving your mouth as your head thumped against her shoulder.
"do you need help älskling?" she questioned, grinning at the way you nodded instantly and reached for her hand which darted out of the way as she tutted. "oh no no no, not like that." she shook her head, grabbing your hand again and moving it down.
"you mirror what i do." she whispered in your ear, and before you could even blink her ring and middle finger slipped past your lips, fucking slowly into your mouth as you moaned.
"now you do the same baby." you gagged slightly but followed her order, slipping two fingers into yourself as your hips bucked at how sensitive you were from the two denied orgasms.
"faster now." you felt her grin against your neck as she fucked your mouth relentlessly and again you gagged as she cooed and kissed your cheek, your own fingers speeding up as your head pushed back into her shoulder and your hips jerked, legs still forced apart by her own.
"i bet you are so tight min kärlek, so sensitive." she whispered as you groaned against her fingers which prodded deeper as you gagged and sweat beaded at your forehead. "are you close?" your fiancé cooed as you managed a nod.
"good, stop." her fingers left your mouth, salvia wiped against your cheek as you cried out in need, a slight sob heaving at your chest as your hand fell limply to your side.
"poor baby, do you need to come?" the blonde teased as tears pricked at your eyes and you whined, the sound leaving your mouth more of a broken sob as her thumb rubbed circles into your cheek.
"you look so pretty when you cry sötnos, my pretty girl. so needy, but listening so well. finally doing as you're told." the older girl cooed, fingers catching the tears which leaked from your eyes.
her hand moved to grip your jaw, tilting your head back as her lips found yours, fingertips pressing into the sides of your jaw as you moaned into her mouth, your bottom lip caught between her teeth as she pulled away slowly, dragging it with her before it snapped back with a pop.
you hardly had time to process anything before finally, her hand trailed downward, one finger teasingly circling your overstimulated clit as you gasped and your hips bucked up.
"such a good girl älskling, doing whatever i say, such a good girl. so fucking wet!" she moaned into your ear as your eyes rolled and two of her long fingers slipped into you with ease, pumping in and out and building up pace.
"hold it until i say so." she warned, hardly needing to thrust more than a few times until you were right on the edge, whining needily as her other hand pressed against your lower stomach, only pushing you closer to a release.
"beg for it." the blonde ordered with a smug smile, nipping at the column of your throat as you near saw stars, teetering dangerously close but squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to stop yourself from falling.
"please, please please baby please!" you begged breathlessly, voice cracked and broken as your fiancé tutted. "you can do better than that kärlek, tell me what you need." a third finger slipped in as you cried out and your head pushed against her shoulder as your body writhed in her vice like grip.
"need you, need you to fuck me, please need you to fuck me so bad please!" you sobbed at the feeling of having to hold back, oversensitive and dying for relief as finally you were given permission.
"come for me min flicka."
with those words uttered you let go, an unholy sound leaving your mouth as your legs shook and you saw stars, the prolonged build up and constant denial over and over meaning your orgasm hit you hard.
"too much!" you shook your head as the defender never slowed pace, fucking you relentlessly through that first orgasm as her hand caught yours which tried to push her away.
"one more baby, give me one more." she cooed encouragingly and you moaned as within seconds your second orgasm was building rapidly, the constant praise coupled with your fiancé's lips ravishing at your neck sending you into orbit.
you saw white as you came again, body writhing and liquid squirting out all over the bed sheets as your mouth opened but no noise came out and the blonde slowly helped you ride it out before removing her fingers and bringing them to her mouth sucking them clean as you lay there chest panting and eyes closed.
"you did so good min flicka, so so good." she praised softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips as you tasted yourself on them and eyes fluttered open. "are you okay baby?" immediately her demeanor shifted as her bright blue eyes looked down at you in concern as you managed a nod.
"i love you. i love you so much!" she promised, running a hand through your hair and pressing a tender kiss to your forehead, gently pulling you into more of an upright position as the two of you lay there for a moment allowing you to catch your breath.
"do you want a bath? or i can go get a wash cloth? what do you need?" your fiancé asked moving a few flyaways from your face. "bath please." you managed out as gently she moved out from behind you, laying you down and pressing a few feather light kisses against your lips and promising to be right back.
your eyes closed and you focused on your breathing as her footsteps hurried away, returning a few moments later as her hands gently helped you to sit up, propping a cushion behind you as your head thumped against the headboard.
"drink please min älskade." she encouraged softly pressing a bottle of water into your hand and a kiss to the crown of your head before padding away again as you took a few gentle sips, the familiar ache settling between your legs which still felt shaky.
managing half the bottle you placed it down on the night stand as fridolina returned, a soft smile on her face as she stood by the bedside. "ready?" you nodded as she leaned down and slipped her hands under you, hoisting you up and into her arms bridal style.
"next time we do this i will make sure you do not have jelly legs." your fiancé teased softly as you managed to hit her shoulder, your wedding a matter of weeks away now.
as you arrived to the bathroom you were hit with the smell of lavender, a few drops of essential oils in the steaming hot bath having you relax as ever so carefully the blonde lowered you down into the water which was the perfect temperature.
"stay." your arm snagged the back of her suit pants as she turned to leave, face softening as she looked down at you. "you can change the sheets later, i need you right now." you spoke with a rasp as the taller girl nodded, stripping herself as you sat up and she carefully slipped in behind you.
you sighed in relief as your eyes closed, lazy kisses littering the back of your neck as the blonde mumbled sweet nothings against your skin, hands ever so gently massaging at the knots in your shoulder as you could have melted right into her then and there.
"i cannot wait to make you my wife min käraste."
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cameronsprincess · 7 months ago
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— summary: kook princess. kook prince. perfect match, right? wrong. you hated rafe cameron and everything he stood for. and he hated you. so when your fathers spring it on the two of you that they’d arranged for the two of you to be married, both of your worlds are flipped upside down.
— CW: 18+ only! strong language, slightly aggressive!rafe, heated kissing, fingering, rafe is honestly super sweet n cute in this.
— note: it’s getting sexy in here😏
prev parts: one, two, three
series masterlist ⤑ taglist form
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Y/N
I wake the next morning, my head throbbing and the smell of coffee filtering in through my bedroom door. I yawn, going to stretch my limbs but the feel of a strong set of arms draped across my waist has me stilling, my mind racing a hundred miles a minute.
What the fuck….?
I glance to the right of my bed, the sound of slow and steady breathing I hadn’t heard at first now hitting my ears. Oh fuck. Rafe. What is he doing in my bed? What the hell happened last night?
The last thing I remembered was him kissing me after our parents announced the engagement, and then he lead me into the kitchen where we both indulged in the copious amounts of alcohol my parents had provided for the night. I remembered the two us of finding his friends, Topper and Kelce, talking to them for a while before we had wandered off somewhere else within the house.
We’d gotten along fairly well last night. We weren’t fighting, or acting like we’d hated each other, but that didn’t mean anything… Right? Nothing happened between Rafe and I. It couldn’t have..
I softly lift his arm up and off my waist, letting it fall onto the bed before I lifted the covers, taking an inventory of my clothes. I still had my dress on, my underwear and bra hadn’t been removed… I felt fine. So why is Rafe in my bed? From what I’ve been told, — and just from what I’ve seen — Rafe didn’t sleep in bed with a girl unless he was fucking her.. But then again, he also never publicly showed affection towards any female, and last night he’d kissed me in front of a large crowd.
Swinging my legs over the side of my bed, I plant my feet on the ground, slowly and quietly trying to slip out the bed. I make it out of the bed, tiptoeing to my bathroom, but when my hand hits the knob, Rafe’s voice has my body tensing up.
“Trying to sneak out on me, huh?”
Fuck, he sounds sexy in the morning. His voice is low and raspy and thick with sleep. I release the door knob, slowly turning to face him. He’s laid on his side, his right elbow propped up on the bed with his right hand holding his face as he stares back at me. I rub my thighs together, trying to shake away the throb that’d formed between my legs from just looking at him.
I clear my throat, “Uh, no. I just.. I just need to brush.. Just need to brush my teeth.”
Fuck, I sound like a fucking idiot. Stumbling over my words like a fucking high school girl with a crush… Why is he making me feel things like this? I’ve always hated him, but now… Now I’m seeing him in a slightly different light, and I can’t shake the feelings that are digging their way up.
He smirks at me, breathing out a small laugh before he turns and lets his head fall back into my pillows. I watch as he makes himself comfortable in my bed, my eyebrows shooting up to my hairline in confusion and shock. Rafe Cameron in my bed? If you would have told me this would be happening just a week ago, I’d laugh in your fucking face and say “Only in his dreams.”
Rafe turns his head to the side, bright blue eyes scanning the length of my body before he says, “Go brush your teeth and change into something more comfortable, then come back in here. We should talk.”
I open my mouth to respond, tell him that he can’t tell me what to do. But nothing comes out. I just clamp my mouth shut and turn, opening the bathroom door and quickly shutting myself inside.
My back hits the door, sliding down until my ass hits the cool tiled floors. I run my hands through my hair, something scraping against my scalp when as I do. I pull my left hand down, holding it out in front of my face. My eyes go wide when I notice the large diamond that sat on my finger. Holy shit? This wasn’t here last night… Is this? Of course it is, how could I not think that there’d be a ring? We’re getting married for Christ’s sake.
I begin sucking in large gasps of air, trying to mentally calm myself. It’s happening. He’s not so bad, is he? When the fuck did he put this ring on my finger? Why the fuck is this my life? What does he want to talk about? All the annoying, but valid thoughts run rampant in my mind. I shake my head, trying to shove all the incessant thoughts away as I will my shaky legs to stand again.
Quickly brushing my teeth and taking three ibuprofen, I push open my bathroom door and make my way back into my bedroom. Rafe still lays on my bed, but he’s on his phone now. He slowly turns his head, his icy blue gaze slowly moving from my feet and up to my face.
My face heats up under his intense stare. “What?” I ask, my voice slightly shaking. Damnit.
He locks his phone, placing it on the nightstand and sitting himself up in my bed, his back rested up against the headboard.
“You gonna change? That dress cannot be comfortable.”
I glance down at the tight fitted white dress my mom had chosen for me to wear last night. “Uh.. Yeah.”
I slowly make my way to my dresser, opening it and pulling out a pair of pink silk shorts and a white tank top. I slowly inch toward the bathroom again, but Rafe clears his throat, stopping me in my tracks.
“You don’t have to be shy around me. I’m gonna be your husband after all.”
My brows pinch together in confusion. “What do you want from me? You went from hating me to… not hating me… so fast. So what’s the catch?”
Rafe chuckles. “Who said I didn’t still hate you? You’re stuck up. You have this ‘I’m better than you’ complex. You don’t like fun,” He pauses, his blue eyes searching my face. “Honestly, you’re not my first choice for a wife. To be honest, I’m not sure I ever wanted to be married. But here we are. I guess you can say I’ve just accepted the situation we’ve found ourselves in.”
My entire body heats up. Of course he still hates me, I didn’t expect a week to change anything. But what does he want from me? “You don’t have to be shy around me.” What the fuck does that even mean? Does he think that just because we’re supposed to be married in three weeks that I’ll just throw all my morals away and let him have his way with me? Fuck that, he’ll have to work for me, even if all I want to do is bare myself to him and let him touch me.
I nod my head once. “Understood. So tell me then, Rafe. What is it you want from me? You want me to strip for you? You want me to just give myself to you because you’re set to be my husband? I’ve gone twenty-one years without letting a man see me or touch me, and believe me when I say, I can go another twenty-one. I won’t give into you so easily, I’m not one of your many girls that will just drop to her knees when you ask. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to change, and I’d like it if you’re gone by the time I come back out.”
I turn and grasp the doorknob, pushing open the bathroom door but Rafe’s hand gripping the back of my neck has my clothes falling to the floor, a sharp gasp pulled from my chest.
He spins me around, keeping a firm hold on my neck as his cold, blue eyes stare down at me.
“Princess, you will give into me. You will drop to your knees when I ask. And you will love every second of it, because I can promise you one thing, of all the men that could be your first, you’re lucky it’ll be me.”
I yank myself free from his grasp. My right hand lands a sharp slap across his cheek before I can process what I was doing. Oh shit. Did I just do that? Fuck fuck fuck. He’s definitely going to make me pay for that, and although I’m not necessarily afraid of Rafe Cameron, I can’t help but fear what he might do to me for such a stupid mistake.
His wild blue eyes stare down at me. I can’t quite read the expression on his face, but I can see the fire blazing behind those cool blue eyes, and it’s frightening. I open my mouth to apologize, but Rafe’s right hand grips the back of my neck tightly again, his lips crushing mine in a searing kiss.
I try and fight him off of me, but to no avail. He’s much stronger than me, and his grip on the back of my neck is bruising this time. He kisses me with so much force and passion it has my knees going weak and my heart thrumming wildly in my chest.
Rafe’s tongue flicks my upper lip, and I absentmindedly part my lips for him, allowing him to shove the pink muscle into my mouth. His left hand runs up my side, squeezing at my hip tightly before it continues its way up and around to the zipper on the back of my dress.
He breaks the kiss, his darkened over eyes staring down into mine. Slowly, he tugs the zipper down, the straps of my dress falling loosely down my shoulders as he does. He never takes his eyes off mine as he pushes the dress down my body, leaving me in nothing but the silky white bra and panties I’d chose to wear last night.
Releasing the grip on my neck, he steps back, planting both hands on my hips as his eyes take in my body. My heart picks up in my chest, beating wildly now, I don’t think I breathe as he continues staring down at me.
“Rafe… What’re you-”
He dips his head down, claiming my lips with his again as his hands run down my hips and to my ass. He grips the flesh in his hands, a small gasp escaping me at the unknown feeling. The spot between my legs is throbbing, my thighs rubbing together to try and ease the ache I felt.
Rafe breaks the kiss once more. “You’re very beautiful. Why do you hide? Why have you never let a man touch you?”
My cheeks burn from his question. It’s not that I’ve never wanted to be touched, and it’s not like I haven’t had the opportunity, I just didn’t like any of the men who threw themselves at me. I didn’t want to be just another notch in someone’s belt, and that’s exactly what I would’ve been to any man on this island.
“Y/N? You okay?”
Rafe’s soft but firm voice pulls me out of my own head, and I raise my eyes to meet his. Deep blue pools stare down at me, and something in my heart swells. I don’t know when I’d started feeling for Rafe within the last week, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about it…
“I- I’m fine..”
His brow pinches together, a look of confusion etched into his beautiful face. He thankfully didn’t push the subject though.
His hands roam the expanse of my body, a trail of goosebumps left in the wake of his fingers. He digs his fingertips into the waistband of my panties, his eyes meeting mine once more. “Can I?”
My hands shake, and a large knot has formed in my throat. I knew I shouldn’t give in, I told myself not to give in, but something inside me had my head nodding a silent ‘yes’ to him.
His fingers dip down and into the silky material before the pushed down, letting the soft material fall around my ankles. My hands fell, instinctively covering myself from his eyes, but his large hands come down and slowly grip my wrists, pulling them away.
“Rafe..”
“Shhh, just let me make you feel good, alright?”
I slowly nodded my head, averting my eyes to the ground. He takes my right hand in his, pulling us toward my bed. He sits down first, still clad in his dress slacks but no shirt, pulling me down next and situating me between his thighs.
His left hand pushes my legs further apart, and every muscle in my body tenses. My nerves were on high alert, was I really about to let Rafe Cameron touch me? Yes. Was I nervous about what this meant after? Yes and no. He was going to be my husband after all, may as well get used to him now, right?
His fingers slowly run down my thigh, sending a shiver down my spine at the soft touch. He slowly inches down, down, down until his fingers reach the most sensitive part of my body. I gasp as his index finger lightly brushes against my clit, the sensitive bud throbbing with need.
Rafe’s lips kiss softly on my shoulder and up to my neck, the heat of his breath on my skin making my body tingle. “‘M gonna insert a finger now, okay? Tell me if it’s too much.”
My eyes squeeze shut, my lower lip trapped between my teeth as I nod my head once more. He slowly pushes his index finger inside me, groaning once he’s knuckle deep. “Shit, you’re so wet, princess.”
Slow and steady pushes of his finger has my breath catching in my throat, this felt unreal, like nothing I’d ever been able to do for myself. His lips left soft, wet kisses on the skin of my neck and shoulder as he continued to push his thick finger in and out of my arousal slick core, our uneven breaths mixing together in the air.
“Gonna add another, okay?” Rafe warned before his ring finger slowly pushed its way inside as well.
The feeling, the stretch, it felt amazing. Tears welled in the back of my eyes as he slowly thrusted his fingers inside of me, his thumb pressing firmly against my clit, slow torturous circles being rubbed against it.
A tight feeling brewed in my lower belly as his fingers picked up pace, his thumb still slowly rubbing against my sensitive bundle of nerves.
“Rafe… Oh, God.. I-”
My brain was fuzzy, this unfamiliar feeling growing inside me, white hot pleasure threatening to rush through me.
“You’re close,” Rafe whispered against my neck, “I can feel you clenching around my fingers. You can let go, baby. Make a mess on my hand.”
Strangled “mmphs” and “ahhh’s” fell from my lips, the pressure building up more and more until it exploded. Pure euphoria rushed through my entire body from my head to the tips of my toes, my body shaking and small, quiet whimpers escaping me.
Rafe didn’t let up, he continued to finger me through my high, his teeth nipping at my shoulder, earlobe and neck as he did. My body fell limp in his arms, his fingers finally slowing in pace before he removed them completely. I turned my head to face him, his eyes on mine as he shoved the two arousal soaked fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean.
“I… Thank you..” I said softly, trying to ignore the slight awkward tension that now crowded my room.
Rafe smiled, a real, genuine smile for once. “You’re welcome. I just believe we should get used to being around one another, I mean.. We’re getting married right? And I’ve always found you beautiful, I was just too stuck in my ways of hating you that I would never admit that shit out loud.”
His hard dick pressed into my ass, serving as a reminder that he’d just taken care of me, and I should probably return the favor.
“Do you… Uh.. Do you want me to, help you…” I asked awkwardly, my eyes darting from his face down to his lower region.
He chuckled. “Nah. Another day, sweet girl. We have a lot to do today.”
Oh shit. That’s right, today was food and cake tasting for the wedding, Rafe and I had to pick what entrées, appetizers, cake, et cetera we wanted to have for the wedding. I quickly jumped off my bed, grabbing my phone and checking the time. Shit. It’s ten-thirty. I had an hour and a half to shower and get ready to go.
“I’m uh.. I’m gonna shower.. You gonna be here when I get out?”
“Nah, I’m gonna head home and get ready myself, but I’ll be back here in an hour to pick you up. Please be ready?”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah yeah, I’ll be ready. Um.. Thanks, again.”
He nods his head once, grabbing his shirt off my floor and tossing it on. I watch as he makes his way out of my room before I kick it into high gear and begin getting ready. I tried to shake the feelings I felt from my mind, but nothing worked. As much as I hated to admit it, I was falling for Rafe and his charm. The next hour, hell even the weeks to come, my mind was plagued with thoughts of the one person I never in a million years thought I could tolerate. Rafe Cameron.
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RAFE TAGLIST: @drewstarkeyslut @princessslutt @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles @rafesthroatbaby @sturnioloshacker @starkeysprincess @rafescurtainbangz @atorturedpoetx @redhead1180 @jjsmarijuana @romaescapes @kisses4angel @lovelysturnioloos @maybankslover @bellbottombaby @simars3 @rafesgiirl @urbimom @heartsforrafecameron @antagonize-me-motherfucker @araminsstufff @chaneydoll @bi-zowee @uraesthete @rafemotherfuckingcameron @gibbsgirl7 @queenvane @anobsessedwoman @sunny1616 @princesssuki21
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rosesradio · 2 months ago
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Luke Castellan x Fem!Reader (smut)
word count: 1,418
warnings: hand stuff 👋, thigh riding, coming in pants (some sub!luke as well, as a treat)
summary: in a pocket of alone time, you surprise luke by wearing his boxers underneath his sweatshirt. he's Unwell about this.
⋆⁺。˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚。⁺⋆
It wasn't as if you were trying to hide anything. Still, you couldn’t deny how your heart pounded when you were caught.
For once in a blue moon, the Hermes cabin was empty. All of its campers were at an Athena-cabin-organized arts and crafts exhibition. Luke had dropped by the event briefly, though seeing as you had told him you’d be in his cabin, he made his way back fairly quickly.
Luke had entered the cabin with his back to you, locking the door with the swift urgency of a heist mission.
“We don’t have a lot of time,” Luke whispered, turning around. “The Stolls can do my unlocking trick, and—“ his voice faltered. “Is that my sweatshirt?”
You nodded, a grin tugging at the corners of your lips. You loved wearing your boyfriend’s clothes, especially this piece. The black sweatshirt had the white Camp logo on it. It was a size too big on you and smelled like Luke, so it felt like being hugged by him even when he wasn’t there.
“You look adorable,” Luke smiled, moving over to his bed as he looked you up and down. “Are you, um…do you have shorts on under it?”
You raised your brows. You always did, though the way he asked it suggested he preferred you didn’t.
“Well,” you started. “Sort of…” you lifted up the sweatshirt, showing off a pair of his own light blue boxers.
“Oh,” Luke swallowed, sitting on his bed. His eyes were dark as he took in the look of you in his clothes. You had never worn his underwear before. Still, seeing as you had hooked up more than a few times, you figured this was okay to try out.
“Do you not like it?” You asked, your tone almost innocent. “I can change if you want…wear something of mine…”
Luke had seen just about your entire underwear drawer, from your sexiest pieces to what you had to wear on laundry day (which you found really embarrassing, though Luke had assured you that he’d find you hot in a trash bag). Now, however, he seemed to really like seeing you in his boxers.
“Please don't,” Luke insisted, his cheeks flushed as he reached out, pulling you close by your thighs. His touch wandered up, rubbing the dip of your hips as he moved closer to you. He did this thing sometimes, ruminating in the feeling of you, inches from kissing you without actually doing so.
It was you who finally gave in, pulling Luke close by the nape of his neck to kiss him. He let out a soft, almost relieved breath against your lips. The sound turned into a whimper as you tangled your fingers into his curls and pulled.
"You're so pretty," you murmured, simultaneously loving and hating the way kissing him made your mind go blank. You could only think of how much you loved him, how much you wanted him.
"Can't believe you're the one sayin' that," Luke shook his head. "When I got to walk in on you looking like this..." he allowed the hand not holding your hip to wander down further, to the hem of your (his) boxers. "Gods, can I?" he nuzzled into the crook of your neck, pressing kisses to the sensitive skin there.
You nodded, humming with clear approval and need. Luke moved his hand further down, between your legs, pulling away to fixate on you. He used two fingers to rub your clit, making your breath hitch as you pressed into his touch.
“Mm, finally,” you murmured against his lips between kisses. “Needed this for so long…”
“Yeah?” Luke hummed. “Beats doing it yourself, hm?” He pressed down a little harder, moving a little faster in a way that made you grasp his biceps. “Beats your toy?”
You let out a soft whine, burying your face in the crook of Luke’s neck. Your face flushed, your stomach writhing with a mixture of embarrassment and arousal. Taking in his warmth, his scent, only pushed you further to the edge. “How—How’d you know about my toy?”
“You asked me to check your bedside drawer for an extra flashlight last week,” Luke replied smugly. “It was kinda hidden under a picture of us, and…I haven’t been able to stop thinking of it since…” he breathed the words near your ear, his voice warm and low. “Haven’t been able to stop thinking…of you…since…”
You moaned, grasping his shirt as your hips involuntarily pressed further into his touch. “Fuck…” you squeezed your eyes shut for a moment. “Please don’t stop…”
“‘Course not, sweetheart,” Luke murmured. He snaked a hand up your (his) sweatshirt, cupping one of your breasts in his large, warm hand. He squeezed, teasing the nipple before moving over to the other. “Wanna see your pretty face when you come for me, yeah?” He asked breathily.
You nodded. Gods, it had been such a long time. When was the last time you had come from only this? Part of you wanted his mouth (his tongue could work wonders), though you also couldn’t deprive yourself of your high a moment longer.
Your face scrunched up as an orgasm ran through you, so surprisingly tense that your stomach almost hurt. You whimpered, holding onto Luke, pressing desperately into his touch.
”Gods,” you caught your breath. “That was so good…”
Luke grinned as he pulled his hand away, always humble when it came to getting his work complimented. “Glad to be of service. Now, what do you say, beautiful…?”
You frowned, rolling your eyes at his smartass ways before you stopped short. You lit up with an idea.
“Flip us around,” you said. “I want you in my lap.”
Luke raised his brows, though he complied. “You have something in mind, or…?”
In a haze of desire, you ran your hands up Luke’s thighs, gazing up at him thoughtfully. He was situated so he was straddling one of your thighs, and you could feel how hard he was through his shorts.
“For being such a smartass,” you said decidedly. “You can put in the work to get yourself off. Just…like…this.”
“You’re kidding,” Luke whispered. He flushed bright red, licking his lips. “Isn’t there some way I can get outta this? This isn’t fair…”
You shrugged. “Life’s not fair, sweetheart. I mean, you could always use your own hand, but…” you laughed softly. He would never get himself off if he could have you, no matter what ‘having you’ meant. “I’d get to work, though. Tick-tock…”
Luke murmured a curse in Ancient Greek, beginning to roll his hips down against the warm, soft flesh of your thigh. His eyes were half lidded, his lips parted to let out soft pants and moans. Without the haze of your own aching need, you could see how good Luke looked so clearly.
Luke grasped your sweatshirt, hands moving back up it to cup your breasts again. He kissed you again, his tongue pressing ever so slightly to yours, gentle and inviting. You gripped his hips, guiding him along, watching as desperation coiled within his dark eyes.
"Gods," Luke whispered against your lips, his gaze lustful and hazy. "Seein' you in my boxers is just making me think of—mm, fuck—havin' a place with you. I wanna wake up to you wearing those, and...making us breakfast, maybe..."
"Yeah?" You mused, running your hands up Luke's shirt, exploring the panes of his chest. "Only if you'd get dolled up and return the favor, handsome..."
You could feel Luke's cock twitch against your thigh at that, and you grinned. No matter how far along you were in this, praise always got to him. You grasped his face roughly, your thumb pressing against his bottom lip.
"Aw, you gonna come for me, beautiful?" You teased. "I made such a pretty mess out of you..."
Luke's cheeks flushed, grinding down on your thigh with the desperation of a man depraved. His hips finally faltered, and he came with a whimpering moan. The sound alone made your stomach coil with another wave of arousal, pondering round two.
"There you go," You murmured, running your fingers through his messy curls as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck. "Good boy...now, what do you say...?"
Luke pressed open-mouthed kisses to your neck, trembling slightly against you in the aftershocks. "Thank...thank you..."
"You're welcome," you replied smugly. You were sure that next time, provided he wasn't such a smartass, you would give him a lot more to thank you for.
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crownremonique · 5 months ago
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Escape Call
Pairing: Tim Bradford x Waitress!reader
Fandom: The Rookie
Summary: When a man asks you for help while working, you decide to make a call that might just end up changing your life.
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The restaurant was fairly quiet as you neared the end of your shift. It had been a long one, draining you to your core, but anything that waited for you back home wasn't the definition of relaxing in any way. Your tiring days of dealing with snobby customers usually ended in studying for the many mock exams of med school.
The small bell hanging atop the entrance rang, signaling the arrival of a new set of customers, which you hoped would be the last for the day. It was the man who caught your attention first, dressed impeccably in a suit and tie. He had an expression on his face that you couldn't quite place, but it definitely wasn't happiness. A woman entered behind him and followed him to the table he was seating himself at. Unlike the man, she seemed to be quite happy about being at the restaurant.
Convincing yourself that this would be the last table you would wait for, you walked over to them with a pair of menus and greeted the pair with a warm smile.
“Hey guys, what can I get started for you today?”
“I'll just have a water, thanks.” The man said while flipping his menu closed, never bothering to read any of the items on it.
“Are you sure honey? You're not gonna order anything else?” Not giving him a chance to respond, she continued speaking “Well, I'm gonna get something low carb, maybe something like a salad? Gotta watch my weight, y’know..” She trailed off, eyeing you top to bottom.
You felt appalled by her snide comment, but chose not to offer her anything but a tight lipped smile. You left the table to give the cook her order and started working on his glass of water, silently observing the pair sitting across.
The woman was talking expressively while the man just seemed bored. He looked tired, resting his chin on his palm, barely looking at the rambling woman.
You heard a ding from the kitchen, and placed their orders on a plate, walking over to them. You noticed the man writing something on a tissue and folding it up. You were just about to turn around after serving them when you heard a high pitched cry.
“What is this? There's peanuts in this! I can't eat this! I'm allergic” She yelled at you, eyes wide like you had purposely tried to poison her.
“Ma'am I am so incredibly sorry, I didn't know you were allergic-” You couldn't finish your sentence, interrupted by her bowl of salad smashing the ground. You dropped down quickly to collect the shattered porcelain, glancing at the man. He looked horrified, sending an apologetic glance towards you.
After cleaning up and getting the karen a new salad, you hung out by the counter, trying to subtly observe the pair. You saw the man get up from his seat, saying something about using the men’s room, and walk over towards you. He handed you the folded tissue paper discreetly and walked past you to the restroom. You unravelled the note and saw a phone number:
Save me, Please.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
You watched as he walked back to the table and sat down. You knew exactly what he wanted you to do, He needed an escape call. You fished your phone out of your pockets and dialed the number, watching his phone vibrate on the table. He picked it up, and you waited silently on the other line.
“Hello? Yes this is him…. Mhm……What? Oh my god, I’ll be right there!”
He got up hastily, collecting his wallet and dropping a few bills down to cover the tab, and quickly apologised to the woman before rushing out of the restaurant.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You finished clearing the last of the tables and got your bag to head home. Today had been an eventful day, and the stranger you had seen for no more than an hour, was running on your mind since he left. You bid farewell to the cook and the guy at the register and stepped out into the cool night.
You felt a chill run down your spine, though you weren't sure if it was from the cold or because of the figure leaning against the alley in the dark. You took a step back but heard a familiar voice that made you stop.
“I was wondering when you would be off your shift.” The man spoke, coming into view.
“Escape call.” You said, letting him know that you recognised him.
“Yeah…I was desperate. Never going on a second date with her again.” He concluded.
“Second date? I thought she was your girlfriend. Heard her call you honey so i assumed..” You said as you started to walk alongside him.
“Oh no, just a blind date my colleagues set me up with. I'm Tim by the way. Could I get the name of my rescuer?” He held out his hand, looking at you expectantly. You offered him your name and shook his hand, relishing the softness of his palm.
He repeated your name wistfully, as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. You felt your cheeks redden, even if it was only your name he had said. You could only wish your house was farther away.
You both walked the entire way to your house, conversation flowing easily between you two. You learned that he was a cop, which made sense for no apparent reason. His personality was strong and graceful, drawing you in closer than you ever imagined was possible. You could have talked to him forever if you could, but all good things had to come to an end, just like your walk.
You eventually reached your doorstep and slid your key into the keyhole, careful not to wake up your roommate. you pushed open the door, turning back to face Tim. His eyes refused to leave yours, twinkling with a feeling that you could only describe as longing. Your mouth felt dry as you waited for him to say something. He placed his hand on the door, keeping it open.
“Is there anything I can do to repay you? for being my saviour today?” He asked, eyes darting between your eyes and lips.
You felt a smile spread across your face. Maybe you wouldn't have to say goodbye after all.
✨️
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aesethewitch · 8 months ago
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Ambient Spells
The idea of the ambient spell isn’t so uncommon. My use of the word “ambient” may throw you for a bit of a loop. An ambient spell is any spell that permeates a space in an unobtrusive way. They affect the area surrounding their vessel and require little to no maintenance or upkeep. They’re long-term workings that require varying levels of effort to put together and cast. Depending on what exactly you need, they can be as simple as setting out a bowl of salt or as complex as crafting a home decor piece from scratch.
I always recommend making ambient spells that are self-fueling. I often refer to them also as “set it and forget it” spells. They’re the crockpot of spellwork — work up front for a slow burn output.
Chances are that you’re already aware of or even know how to create ambient spells. Any spell that affects the vibe of a room, for example, would count as an ambient spell. Lighting incense specifically to invite in positive energy counts. A ward that sucks up baneful magic and transforms it into blessings also counts. The primary idea of an ambient spell is that it’s making a change to your environment in the background. It’s the cool breeze in summertime, the subtle piano at a fancy restaurant, the scent of fresh-baked cookies fading as the day goes by. Positive, but not overt.
When to Use (or Not Use) an Ambient Spell
By their nature, ambient spells are fairly general workings. They can be quite powerful, of course, just like any other spell. The thing to keep in mind is that they’re not ideal for targeted magic.
For example, I wouldn’t create an ambient spell to banish someone from my life. I might make an ambient spell to make an area unwelcoming to them, or to anyone who would do me harm. The unwelcoming vibe might discourage them from coming around, sure. But it may not work outside of the area the spell lives in; and it may not get rid of them for good.
Similarly, an ambient spell might make a good general ward for keeping out loud, unwelcome spirits, but it wouldn’t specifically cast out the one particular spirit who’s been causing problems. It might discourage their behavior, but it wouldn’t necessarily get rid of them. A concentrated, single-use banishing spell would work significantly better for that purpose. Afterwards, an ambient spell can keep the area clear of that spirit’s influence.
I also wouldn’t use an ambient spell to draw in specific success. General success or money, absolutely — whatever wants to come my way is welcome, via a basic money bowl set up next to my wallet. But if I specifically want a promotion or a particular amount of money, I’m not going to leave that to the ambient money spell. I would craft a spell specifically for what I’m looking for.
When deciding what kind of spell to cast, keep this idea in mind. An ambient spell is best for behind-the-scenes results that happen without your concentrated effort. When you want something specific, a more targeted spell will work better nine times out of ten.
Creating an Ambient Spell
It’s possible to create an ambient spell with nothing but energy work. However, I often find that these fade quickly and don’t lend themselves well to self-fueling. They tend to need more active upkeep than I prefer for a spell that’s meant to be set and let go. I recommend choosing an appropriate vessel of some kind to contain the spell to help it last longer.
How do you decide what’s an appropriate vessel, though? And how do you set one up? How do you make a spell self-fueling? Let’s start from the top and go in order.
Identify the Purpose
Decide what the spell will do. This is going to define the components and the way you’re going to cast the spell. In my experience, ambient spells work best when they’re given a single purpose. For example, I wouldn’t make a spell that’s a ward and a cleanser and a spirit welcome mat. It dilutes the purpose. Choose a single, clear motive for the spell.
Choose a Vessel
Now that you know what your spell will do, it’s time to decide what it’s going to look like. The vessel you choose should reflect the spell’s purpose in some way.
An open bowl works well for absorbing energy. Why? It’s open. The face of it is open to the room, ready to take in whatever kind of energy you assign to its contents.
A closed jar, on the other hand, would be good for repelling. It’s closed off and sealed — a one-way road going out of the jar and into the room to clear it.
A wreath hung at the door could serve a lot of purposes, depending on what it’s made with. I would use a wreath as an agent of transformation or as an energy emitter to release a certain energy into the space.
A stone makes a solid vessel for protection or grounding. I have one on my working altar to help keep me in the moment and create a good environment for working magic.
When you’re choosing your spell vessel, keep in mind how visible you want it to be. Certain vessels are going to naturally be more obvious than others. A wreath, for example, is hard to miss — but it also just looks like nice home decor. A jar full of herbs and things would be more obviously a spell, but they can be small and easily hidden.
I have both obvious and hidden ambient spells peppered around my home for varying purposes. If you’re keeping your practice a secret, you’ll likely want to keep your spells more obscure or hidden. But if you aren’t, and you can make the choice of whether you want the spell to be in plain sight or not, consider the effect you want the spell to have.
If you want the spell to absorb bad vibes, baneful magics, the evil eye, or other negativity, a hidden spell might serve you well. Hiding the vessel somewhere means that whoever’s casting against you may not expect the resistance. On the other hand, if you want a vessel that allows friendly spirits to visit you during the holidays, a beautiful centerpiece on your dining table that’s charmed with spirit-friendly magic might serve the purpose.
Choose an Energy Source
Ambient spells need to draw energy from somewhere. Think of it like a battery. The ingredients you put into the spell may provide a temporary charge, but if you want the spell to be long-term, it needs an input. How will your spell recharge itself?
If you want the spell to be shorter-term, only a few days or so, then you can skip this step. But if you want an ambient spell to last a while, like a ward or vibe-adjuster, you’ll need to think about this carefully.
Like when choosing the vessel, the energy source should match the purpose of the spell. For example, I have a simple room refresher spell set on a table that’s central to my home. The purpose of it is to take anxiety and negative thoughts to turn them into positivity. I set it up so that the act of walking past the bowl swirls the air around it, and therefore also the energy around it. That kinetic energy fuels the bowl’s magic and keeps it going. I don’t have to actively recharge the bowl or its contents, because we walk past it constantly.
Another example would be an ambient spell to help you do the dishes. (Whether that’s remembering to do them or finding the motivation for it is up to you.) The fuel for the spell could be the act of walking into or past the kitchen, running water elsewhere in the home, or even cooking or eating.
The energy source could also be something like lighting a candle next to or over the vessel on a schedule, if you prefer. This would add an upkeep step, of course, and wouldn’t be my first choice. The only ambient spell I do this with is my money bowl, and that’s because it’s tuned to be able to shift focus from day to day depending on what exactly I need (commissions versus tips versus discounts, etc.).
Setting Up an Ambient Spell
Decide where you want to place your spell’s vessel ahead of time. If you have pets or kids, make sure you put whatever it is out of their reach. If the vessel is something like an uncovered bowl, you’ll want to be sure that it isn’t going to get knocked over. Similarly, if it’s made of glass, you don’t want it to fall and shatter. If your vessel needs to be hidden somehow, determine where you’ll keep it. It would be smart to make note of where the spell is and what it looks like in your grimoire or spell notebook just so that if you forget about it, you can identify it later on down the road.
After you know where you want to put it, it’s time to choose ingredients and fill your vessel. The components you decide on should, obviously, match your goals.
Casting an ambient spell is much the same as casting a regular spell. The only thing to keep in mind is that an ambient spell has a sort of prolonged release.
Upkeep and Care of an Ambient Spell
For the most part, ambient spells should require little to no upkeep. With that said, you should still do routine check-ups on them. I include them in my regular rounds when I check on my wards and various protections, but you could do yours whenever it makes the most sense to you.
Depending on how you decided to fuel your spell, you may need to do a bit of feeding. Whether that’s lighting a new candle, refilling a cup of water, mixing around a pile of herbs, or giving the vessel a little shake, do so anytime it feels like the spell’s energy is flagging. It may take some practice in sensing energy to know exactly when a spell needs refueling. This is partly why I suggest creating a schedule to check in on the spell; ambient spells are a great type to practice sensing spell energy, since they’re typically long-lasting and may wax or wane depending on the day.
If your spell is fully self-fueling and it doesn’t seem to be working anymore (or at all, even from the start), it’s time to take it apart. Discard disposable components according to your practice’s tenets. Cleanse the rest for future use. I would suggest washing your spell vessel alongside magical cleansing.
A Ready-to-Use Example
Here’s an extremely simple example of an ambient spell I use in my home to keep the main living area light, fresh, and conducive to getting work done. Since both my partner and I work from home, it’s important that our areas have an aura of focus.
Materials:
- A small bowl, preferably green or brown - Enough salt to fill the bowl halfway - A few pinches of dried rosemary
Instructions:
1. Ensure the bowl is clean and dry. Pour salt into the bowl until it’s halfway full. 2. Sprinkle dried rosemary into the salt and stir. 3. Instruct the spell, in whatever way makes sense to you, to exude focused but calm energy into the space. 4. Place the bowl in an area that is frequently trafficked. 5. Leave the bowl in place until it no longer provides a fresh, focused energy to the space. Dispose of the contents, clean the bowl, and reset the spell.
Notes: - This spell is powered by movement specifically, because both my partner and I work from home, and we pace when we’re having a hard time focusing. The spell draws in the energy from our pacing and the frustration we’re putting out to fuel itself. It then transforms and releases the energy as calm, focus, and productivity. - I suggest a green or brown bowl because this spell is meant to work for our jobs. Green for success, brown for grounding. Personally, my bowl has both colors. - When instructing the spell, you can speak to the bowl, write a petition, do an incantation, or whatever else you like. This is the most personal part of the spell, and it’s what makes the thing Go. It’s up to you to decide how it’s going to work.
Final Thoughts
I would hesitate to call ambient spells “low energy” spellwork. While they can be low-energy-friendly in the long run, and they can be extremely simple to set up (such as the one I described above), they aren’t always. Ambient spells do require an up-front energy cost. Even so, I find them very rewarding and useful.
Folks who visit my home often comment that it’s an inviting, friendly, good-natured space where they can leave their worries and anxieties behind. That’s on purpose. I’ve got ambient spells in place that eat up anxiety and spit out positivity. I’ve got ones that repel hexes and are charged by sunlight. All of these spells are long-lasting and well worth the effort it took to create them.
I hope this little guide is useful to you! If you’ve got questions, feel free to send me an ask. I’m happy to ramble about ambient spells or other types of magic as much as you’d like.
And if you did enjoy this post, consider dropping a couple dollars in my tip jar! Supporters of all types (tips, commissions, shop purchases, and memberships) get early access to posts like this, sometimes up to two weeks early, and every bit helps me keep the lights on.
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dduane · 11 days ago
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Hi, Diane, I have a technical writing question for you: How do you decide how long a chapter is?
I've noticed a trend among mass market books of authors adopting the James Patterson style of chapters lasting a page & a half to three pages, but sometimes not even half a page. It's infuriating, especially when action on a single scene is split amongst them. I grew up learning that a chapter is an association of scenes, & that breaks were left for major scene and/or expository changes. If a book had 30 chapters, it'd be 400 pages long. Now I have 215-pages novels with 45 chapters!
You've always delivered a really good, fairly even, page & word per chapter count. So what's your thoughts on how it should be defined, & perhaps any on this metastasizing trend?
I haven't been entirely clear about what to do about this since I first started seeing this divergence of chapter lengths happening. (And bear in mind, this is a wide spectrum to be dealing with. There are books of Terry Pratchett's that have no clearly defined chapter breaks at all.)
My own take on it in the short term has varied depending on what book I was writing, and what rhythm the interactions among the characters were expressing. Sometimes written character business can happen very quickly, over a few pages: sometimes it has to happen more slowly, as it does among real people—a series of interactions, a pause, then further ripening developments and interactions.
Patterson is well known (I think) for having a house style... because I'm sure it'll have been a good while since he wrote anything but the high points of any given book himself. It wouldn't surprise me at all if the house style reinforces his own preferences, which would seem to be for very short interactions... that "short attention span" we've seen being discussed for so long, and getting shorter and shorter all the time.
I think it's safe to say I refuse to go that road. I want to allow readers time to sit in the characters' business (as it were) and think about what might happen next. I'm not afraid to allow the readership time to speculate about what might be about to occur before the next sequence of events sets in.
Is Patterson afraid to allow this? (sigh) I may have been a psych nurse, but I decline to attempt to read another writer's mind: that's a sure path to a headache. Is it possible that writers are as susceptible as their readers to that short-attention-span problem... and unwilling to attempt to slow it down for fear of being seen as somehow "behind the times?"
Damned if I know. Again, I decline to judge. But I sure as hell know how I'll behave on my own ground.
...Let me suggest a possibility to you, looking forward. Patterson's rhythms have all become the same because his (for certain values of "his") books have all become the same. ...And who's to blame for that? Readers are well known, in the industry, for wanting to read the same thing again and again, just a little bit different. That's not the readers' fault any more. They've been trained to it. And the market reflects their training.
You, meanwhile, get to set your own rhythms, and (ideally) allow the reader to settle into them, if they find other aspects of your voice congenial. Just because the Patterson modality seems to be all over the place at the moment, doesn't mean that it will continue to be. The market, gods help us, is all about the New. Someday (gasp) Patterson will be Old. And then what? Will slow slowly start to become cool? Tough to tell.
For myself, I write in a lot of different modes (gods help me, right now over on Bluesky we're discussing the possibility of a paranormal travel agency German [or maybe Swiss] Christmas market cozy murder mystery); and every single one of them requires a different rhythm according to the subject matter, the thought processes of the characters, the rhythm of the story itself and of the characters making their way through it, the way the action expresses itself throughout this story, etc etc. I can't imagine what doing it the same way all the time, regardless of the story's and the characters' imperatives, would feel like. Deadening, at the very least. And isn't writing about being, and becoming, more alive, not less??
If I've got a message, it's this: Let Patterson go his own way (for whatever values of "his"). None of us are going to be him, any time soon.*
I think you should write in the rhythm, and with the chapter breaks, that best suit the story you're telling. If some of your readers don't like those... fine. Others will. Whether they like to hear it or not—and some of them won't—like books, readers too are ephemera: they come and go. Your job is to be faithful to the story as you conceive it, and the rhythms and chapter breaks you feel it needs. The story has no one else to depend on.
So: get busy being God in your own creative universe, and ignore what other gods are doing in theirs.
HTH!
ETA: Historically I've had a tendency to use the "shopping list" method described over here for my outlining, and that's routinely determined chapter lengths to some extent. (i.e., if there were ten items on the list, and [thereafter] ten chapters in a 100K-word book, then that means 10K chapters.)
...Except when I feel a chapter needs to be subdivided, or combined with another one and then the whole thing chopped into three. Or when more entries get added to the master list. I look to see how a chapter "feels" when weighed in the hand of the mind: too long? too heavy? too short? too rushed?—and then adjust its length accordingly.
So briefly: my own basic rules are guidelines, to be broken when necessary. Yours should be, too. Only experience will teach you when this is necessary. But that's just another part of the Craft. "We learn by doing..." :)
*Though do we want to be?
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