#i cant watch it until next week bc i will be out of town & my gf is not caught up yet & she wants to watch it with me🥲🥲🥲🥲

[gas-stationprincess]

outer banks season 4 is out!!

[wooahaes]

han enemies to lovers ??

ok so i was talking abt this w isa a lot and ive been thinking abt this idea for hours now. camp au where you and han are both camp counselors at a camp you once went to during middle school... and absolutely hated each other then. no one knows what started it, all they know is that u and han are Enemies (who put up w one another for the kids) also i know nothing abt summer camp. play in this sandbox w me-

like. any time ur actually doing ur job? you and jisung get along great... maybe with some slight bickering, but nothing serious. you two play it off well enough that the kids dont catch on and think ur just rly good friends who make playful jabs at each other. theres definitely at least once instance where the two of you are getting heated and chris comes by and both of you are like nope! no problems here! jisung puts an arm around you like haha we are best friends :))) and then you immediately shove him away once chris is gone.

chris has a system in place where the two top counselors of the week get something special for their cabin (and get to take the truck into town for said special thing--sometimes its pizza, sometimes its ice cream, other times its like... special arts n crafts, etc) and literally all of the counselors kinda compete for it so they can get their own shit while they're in town. its usually felix or minho with someone else, and chris eventually sits reader and han down to be like "ok. ur both great w the kids. but i cant give you either of guys top counselor because you fight w each other so often."

which leads to them being on dishwashing duty again and bickering about it bc theyre blaming the other for it. and then you get the idea of "... what if... we just... pretend? i want my snacks and to get my kids origami paper. you want... whatever weird shit you want. chris would just assume we worked through shit." so they end up like. combining group activities for their cabins. switching around so they can be together again.

chris absolutely knows this is a ruse but if it gets them to get along, he'll just watch.

isa mentioned a boat scene where han and reader are in the same boat, watching their campers until they start bickering. it gets heated enough and the boat ends up capsizing, which. apparently han cant really swim? so just imagine reader immediately going to help him calm down since ykno. theyre all wearing life jackets. and the two of you are soaking wet and you get him back to the docks, wrapping a towel around him since the others are out on the lake. idk maybe a lil heart to heart while the two of you are waiting for ur fellow counselors to corral the kids back in.

chris lets u guys win at the end of the week and u both figure out what you wanna do for ur cabins. u settle on having a big ice cream party with all ur kids and teaching them how to make friendship bracelets sometime next week. chris hands the keys to you after he's like "dont. dont crash the car." and its just the two of u getting closer.

maybe... u make each other friendship bracelet? and oh no ur kinda starting to crush on each other.

also full credit to isa but she mentioned something where the kids write each other letters and i think thts cute and its the end of camp when they're writing their final letter to one another. and one of han's kids comes up to hand him one and hes like oh, for me? aw :D and then it turns out that its from reader and the two dont rly talk about it. he just shoves his own letter at them in the dining hall that night before leaving bc dont. dont say anything to him.

and idk. y'all see your kids off before heading back in to pack your own bags and get ready to leave, since ur probs getting a ride from someone else (maybe chris?), and jisung shows up and theres another like. convo abt how they literally hated each other. for like. way too long. and now things have changed between them and jisung asks if maybe they want to go on a date sometime... only for the two of them to kiss as reader says they'd love to.

(in the background someone is paying up bc the moment they overheard 'reader and jisung are going to feign friendship to get counselor of the week', someone else went 'they're gonna be together by the end of summer just u watch' and it became a bet)

[nsfwjay]

Imagine panty thief!hyung line ….. how do you think each of them would be like as panty thieves??? ☺️☺️☺️

now this is a great concept THANK u for this ask 🥸😵‍💫💗❗️

panty thief!roomie!hyungline

HEESEUNG

- rly wants to do it (trust me, he REALLY wants to) but is too shy both bc of the lewdness of the idea itself and also scared of being caught

- so he just talks about it a lot… watches a lot of porn with it… but doesn’t do it for ages

- when he finally does it he���s too shy to actually rub your panties all over his cock but he loves putting it up to his face and smelling it… closes his eyes and jerks off pretending you’re sitting on his face

- trust him to be the type where he finally does it after a while and no he doesn’t get caught in the moment he gets caught a day later bc he was too excited over finally doing the deed that he forgot to either hide the panties or put it back in your laundry instead of his….

- so u find it in his laundry the next time. but you aren’t shocked bc tbh you’ve heard him talking abt it on the phone w his friends…. why else did you start walking around the house in extra short shorts and only tank tops instead of big tshirts to sleep? you were honestly curious to see how far his lust for you would go and loved him get flustered around you, his face got all cutely shy

-you let him do it a few more times before you confront him about it, knocking on his door under the pretenses of ‘just hanging out! :D’ but immediately head for his laundry hamper, knowing your panties are there… u can see the horror in his face when he sees u going for it

- “heeseung, if u wanted to fuck me so bad you could’ve just told me, i’m right next door you know! you’re so filthy~” you wave your panties in his face and corner him on the bed <3 he gets so shy but even then cant resist rubbing his hands up and down your sides, you’re right there

- he’s surprised that you’re not disgusted or mad… but you guys finally fuck on his bed so he’s a winner <3

JAY

- wants to do it, does it the next day. he is not nervous he is so confident he can do it and doesn’t care if u find out, he’s sure that he can lie himself out of that situation

- but this dude is so filthy with it… jerks off with your panties on his cock, comes all over your panties and imagines it was him cumming on your pussy before putting your panties back on and forcing u to keep his cum in the whole day <3

- it’s so simple. another time u walk in on him jerking off with what is undeniably your pantries, his moans loud and breathy with an occasional suppressed hiss here and there, hips canting up and off the bed, ab muscles flexing… wait. “jay, are those my panties?!?!?”

- he cums so hard the moment your eyes meet his, the shame of getting caught and the pleasure stroking his exhibitionist side mixing together….his cum shoots all over your panties and a bit on his thigh as well. “yes?” he pants tiredly

- you’re like wtf??? but all he’s got to say for himself is that he just really really wants to fuck you. how dare you prance around the apartment stealing his jackets with nothing underneath! being so cutely thankful when he makes u food after a long day of studying and no eating??

- “i should’ve done this a long time ago but.” after he’s wiped off the cum on his thigh he beckons you over to the bed and grabs your chin and pulls you down roughly to kiss him, pulling you by the waist to straddle him on the bed, higher up and closer to the headboard so you aren’t sitting in the mess he just made of your panties <3

JAKE

- man this dude feels SO bad abt it like he cares abt the MORALS of this and shit…it’s not right…. the trust you’ve put in him as a roommate…. but he does it anyway <3

- he only does it once! and keeps those panties for every time he wants to use them after :)) he thinks that makes it better or something….

- another dude who gets caught while jerking off.. sort of. u walk in on him, in just boxers, digging your panties out of his drawer… tbh he’d washed them a few times and they had begun to lose your scent so he was planning on stealing another one after today! but you catch him..

- “jake, are those my panties?” his head whips around and sees you staring at him incredulously, his eyes widen for a second but then he totally switches his demeanour and stands up, striding over to you quickly and closing the door behind you before crowding you against it

- “yes, they are, what do you think of that, hm? your sweet, sweet best friend has been using your panties to jerk off for the past few days?” not even letting you answer before he leans in to kiss you deeply against the wall <3

SUNGHOON

- tbh he had the urge to do it and had seen pornos with it but was never going to actually do it until . one day he hears u playing truth or dare loudly w ur friends thru zoom and they ask u what u think of having a panty kink… and overhears u say it’s honestly pretty hot

- from then on, he starts stealing panties to jerk off on, leaving them in your hamper after you’d done laundry to confuse you, taking more different pairs and then returning them… and after a few weeks you jokingly said to him you thought you had a panty thief because all these panties you didn’t remember wearing that week would show up and disappear from your hamper… but he just shrugs and laughs at your joke

- you find out one day on video call, you’re out of town for a week and you spot something at the back of his room where his camera faces… are those yours? “sunghoon, are those panties…back there?”

- he’s not even fazed… “yes, you did say you had a panty thief, hm? took you long enough to figure out :)” he sweetly says

- “have you been…jerking off with them?” youre blushing now, even more pronounced on the grainy video camera, and it’s so cute to him

- “yes, my love. care to show me what panties you’re wearing today?” and then it just escalates to video call sex, both of you masturbating on call, his hand running up and down his pretty cock watching as you shyly trail your fingers over your clothed pussy <3

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

[okitagumi]

every single color for the ask box thingy 😽😼 (,if u wanna lol)

Invade my privacy. Do it.

Purple: 10 facts about my room

i used to share it with my sister, my wardrobe is about to fall apart any minute cuz it's old and sucks, i have 3 different fairy lights in there, the walls are white now but they used to be yellow and blue, there's a dent in a wall from the time i threw a chair, the message chair my mother bought my dad for his 40th bday is in my room but it's broken and i dont want it but there's nowhere else to put it, there are also exactly 4 posters of my favorite kpop girlgroup, the bookshelf in my room is actually way too small for all the books im planning to buy in the future but there's no space for another shelf, the lightbulb in my room take a while to fully light up so whenever i turn on the light it gradually .. slowly .... gets brighter, my brother's been trying to get me to switch rooms with him for ages cuz his is smaller but i wont

Blue: 9 facts about my family

albanians from kosovo, i still have relatives living in kosovo but most of my family's abroad (mainly germany, austria and switzerland) by now, i have two younger siblings, i grew up with my siblings and 5 of our cousins in one house until i was 10 so we were 8 kids in total (i was the oldest), i have about 50 cousins in total, my brother got engaged last year on dec 26th and then married just 2 days after, my grandpa was the first in our family to emigrate to germany in 1970 and he went all alone, my dad was born in kosovo two years after that and then came to germany in 1986 when he was 14, my parent's marriage was arranged and my mother had no problem with that but my dad really wasn't happy with it

Green: 8 facts about appearance

my hair's red currently, but naturally it's dark brown, my hair's pretty long like lower back length but also damaged as hell, i'm 5'5 / 165cm, i have dark eyes, also long finger nails and they're a pain sometimes BUT i keep them long because i used to be a huge nail-biter and im proud i could stop that habit, i had straight bangs for a few months but they look terrible now cuz im growing them out, u'll rarely see me without nail polish

Yellow: 7 facts about my childhood

i think i repressed the memory of most of it cuz i barely remember anything tbh lmao, in 3rd grade we had obligatory swimming lessons every 2 weeks and i almost drowned once (i couldnt swim back then and im still a terrible swimmer), i almost hung myself on accident while playing with one of my cousins, watching digimon after kindergarten/elementary school was my biggest happiness, like i said earlier we were eight kids but our parents didn't want to waste money on toys we'd eventually break anyways so we'd always have to come up with games ourselves (like jumping from a small wall onto the binbags in the backyard, throwing stones instead of balls .......), i once got so angry i whacked my brother over the head with a belt buckle and his head bled so hard he had to be driven to the hospital anyways i still cant stand the sight of blood, my cousin and i once played in our grandpa's car but one of us accidentally released the handbreak and the car rolled backwards with us still in it and the adults who were outside freaked OUT

Orange: 6 facts about my home town

it's not really a town it's just a village with a little over 3k ppl, i moved here when i was about 2 years old, then i moved a couple streets away when i was 10 bc my parents were tired of so many people in one house, my 9th/10th grade german teacher lives like 2 minutes away from me, my elemtary school building isn't used anymore cuz they build a new school building right next to it where the park was but the new one's kind ugly (and too small apparently), we have like 5 or 6 cemetries here

Red: 5 facts about my best friend

i dont have one best friend but rather a group of best friends so one fact for each of them: two of them are twins i met 5 years ago, another one has been my friend for like 11 years ? we've never actually met tho but we probably will this year, another one lives in indonesia but we've known each other for pretty much 6 years now, i've met this friend about 6 years ago on twitter too and we love remembering the beef between some of our shared mutuals and friends what a fun time, last one is also from indonesia and i havent known her for as long as the others (maybe 3 years or something) but we grew close so quickly so now instead of our names it's always beloved this beloved that .. everyone's sick of us probbly

Pink: 4 facts about my parents

im not close to my mother at all like she might as well be a stranger to me that's how terrible our relationship is, im kind of close to my dad but even with him it's more of a "i hate you one moment and love you the next" kind of thing, like i said earlier my dad initially didnt want to get married to my mother because no one even asked him lmao his dad was just like "son ... i found a wife for u" and that was that. he accepted it after a while but from what i've heard from my uncles he didn't even want to be in the same room as her at first, they've been married for almost 28 years now

White: 3 facts about my personality

im extremely introverted, doesn't mean i enjoy staying in all the time cuz i also get bored so quickly, it takes a lot to genuinely make me angry

Grey: 2 facts about my favorite things

right now my favorite thing is mahoyaku so i'll just drop 2 facts about that: one of the characters canonically fucked for sugar, another character canonically eats dirt and charcoal and plates (mistook plate for cookie)

Black: 1 fact about the person I like

i dont like anyone tbh

[kiribakuficrecs]

What are the longest fics you’ve read?

my usual go to is one shots or like 6 chapter stories, but off the top of my head here are some of the longer fics i remember reading and loving!!!

quote love unquote by newamsterdam (135,781 words)

Sero nods. “It’s the chance of a lifetime, really,” he says. “We want you to date Bakugou, for the sake of his reputation with the press. Some public appearances, a few ‘candid’ photos. For at least a couple of months.”

“Bakugou sent you to ask me to date him?” Kirishima asks, baffled.

“Of course not. We, his people, are asking you to date him. He’s going to have to get on board, if he wants his career to survive. And in the bargain, Riot will get all sorts of publicity, because their lyricist will be dating one of the industry’s hottest stars. A win for everyone.”

When Kirishima Eijirou's band hits the big time, he's not prepared for his newfound fame. He's even less prepared to meet the actor he's been crushing on for years, or to start dating him as a publicity stunt. The closer Kirishima gets to Bakugou Katsuki, the more he realizes he's in over his head. But it's hard to stop, once his heart is in it.

- after i read this one, i was thinking about it for literally MONTHS. everything about it is really good, the pace is great, the characters are all well written and in character and interesting, and finding songs that apply to them in this story was really fun for me bc yeah lol. also i’m a sucker for fake dating read this if u haven’t already pls

roses are red and they taste like shit by unbreakable_red_riot (47,846 words)

Katsuki was really fucking sick of the smell of flowers.

- this is one of those fics i binged read from the second i laid down in bed, until like 5 in the morning because i couldn’t put it down and really wanted to know what happened. if i remember correctly i may have teared up at some cute parts in this one (but that very well could have been bc of how sleepy i was lol)

a heart swelled to bursting by eggstasy (49,644 words)

The summer training camp of Bakugou's second year at UA descends upon him with all the untamed fury of- well, himself, honestly.

PACKING CHECKLIST: ✓boyfriend (need to figure out how much he's willing to let him get away with) ✓people who claim to be his friends (deluded and in need of correction) ✓ptsd (that he absolutely doesn't actually have) ✓a healthy dose of denial (say it five times fast and that means it's true, right)

- this is one of (if not the very first?) kiribaku fics i ever read. it’s one of those fics that made me like them even more bc the fic was really good. this ones kind of a classic read that u may have read already but yk just incase

the beauty of a beast by starofjems (101,655 words)

Once upon a time a lonely beast lived in a manor deep in the forest. He dreamed of the day his true love appeared to break his curse... When a beauty finally appears in his life, it is not quite as he imagined. For who could have thought a beauty would be more of a beast.

Or

The beauty and the beast AU nobody asked for but here it is.

- ok this is coming from someone who literally hasn’t even watched the movie beauty and the beast, but i LOVED this story. i read it specifically bc i was told it was rly good n it was n its pretty lengthy so more content heck yeah

tonight, we’re at sea by idratherhaveyou (60,715 words)

Kirishima goes to a quiet seaside town to take care of his grandmother after she has a bad fall. There he meets Bakugou Katsuki and falls in love.

- good old fashion slow burn and good hurt/comfort content. this fic made me feel alot, another one of those ‘im reading this before bed but i cant sleep til i know how this ends’ stories for me

engraved in your mind by hejter (245,387 words)

Bakugou Katsuki lost his ability to recognize faces, so he didn’t know any of the people who stared at him, but he knew what dread looks like when he sees it, and as he looked around the crowd, every single person had exactly that written all over their face.

He looked down at the guy who was still on the ground, part of his uniform’s shirt burnt, his wounded face covered by his hands and his hair smoking slightly.

Katsuki glanced at his hands and finally realized something.

or

Kacchan is still a stubborn prick while suffering from face blindness. Also, quirk discrimination is a thing.

alternatively-

New quirk, who dis

- the concept of this one was so interesting to me, i hadn’t found a fic like this before n its so well written n interesting it does not disappoint. this one is a wip!

of ghosts and other inaccurate things by chezka (56,540 words)

A week before the sports festival found Bakugou walking back home in the late afternoon, sunset light making his scowl even more menacing and drawing a long shadow right in front of him.

Someone was walking by his side.

There was no second shadow on the floor beside his own to confirm this, but if he kept his focus on the street ahead and carefully avoided trying to look to his left, he could consistently make out black hair swishing in the wind and strong arms leading to hands sunk in pants’ pockets. The edges were blurry, but there was definitely someone at his side.

- i LOVE the writing in this one, and the plot is so good like this story line *chefs kiss* most of these stories i read when i should have been sleeping but had to keep reading to find out what happens next (this one is included) this one hurt but like in a good way ITS SO GOOD n rly interesting highly recommend

currently i’m reading a fic thats 600k+ words long and i’ve never done THAT before its wild. (not krbk tho before u ask) but i hope u like the list, sorry i didn’t have more!!

[hunbomb]

roommate! jaemin

i hope u guys like this one! i do :) 

warning: not proofread LMAO

jaemin: a huge flirt

like we been knew sis okay bUt its not like it defines him ya kno??? like yes he is a flirt but its not like he does it purposely

however that doesn’t stop every single girl from liking him

except for u cause you’re ~not like other girls~

jk you are 

cause who wouldn’t find na jaemin attractive?? tf???

okay but like the dealio between you and jaemin is that you are best friends 

and you have a fat crush on him (u have since the beginning of highschool LOL)

luckily for you, although jaemin is a flirt, he isnt interested in any girls so he doesnt bring any to your dorm

and even if he did, he would tell u because it would be shitty not to 

anyway

so u met in grade nine and yalls friendship popped TF off right away like you joined nomins duo and made it a trio in the span of 4 months and everyone was like???? this mf got that close to them that fast???? mastery

jeno was like ur brother from another mother fr

you and him told eachother everything and sometimes he would tell you things he wouldnt even tell jaemin. like everyone has those people that although theyre close w, there are some things you’d never tell and that goes for jeno and jaemin

jaemin never told jeno he listens to taylor swift

and jeno never told jaemin that he watched all of my little pony friendship is magic on netflix

but since you and jeno shared some personal things w eachother, you obviously told him about your crush on jaemin

and since you had a crush on jaemin, you never got like super super close with him just cause ur feels got in the way 

mainly just you never got as close to jaemin as you did jeno

sure you were bffs, but it wasn’t on such an intimate level

cause everytime jaemin would look your way you’d be gasping for air

so timeskip to senior year

everything is great

your friendship is still strong af and you guys are all planning for post secondary

jaemin and you get into the same uni right.... and jeno gets into the one the town over so your friendship wont take that much damage

but!!! jaemin wants to room with you!!! and ur like!! fucufejdsk!!!

cause like ofc you want to who wouldnt????? but you have such a massisve crush on him you dont want it to get in the way of not only yours but also jaemins university experience

you say yes tho and next thing you know youre unpacking all your stuff

the dorm is kind of small like there isnt a lot of space,,,,, theres two bedrooms but the beds literally take out the whole room HAHHAHA and then there is a chill space with the kitchen connected and u and jaemin have to share a washroom LOL

“jaemin what the FUCK did you eat??? beans??? i bet it was beans this shit smells so bad i-”

“it really do be ya own friends sometimes” -jaemin 2020 :((((((

anyway so like university life is good you and jaemin invite jeno over every weekend for a sleepover and vice versa its so cute GAH

but like,,,, here’s where the drama comes in

one day you are facetiming jeno and youre telling him about how you really like jaemin and blah blah ya know the usual

and youre not really looking at the screen cause youre doing your homework and focusing on that but jeno sees in the back that jaemin has fully entered the room

and you dont notice cause hes silent and your still talking but jeno is trying to get your attention UDHSJIA

and when he does you see in your part of the screen jaemin just,,,, standing there

cue you ending the call with jeno SO FAST and turning around like oH i thought you had classes right now?

“.... they ended early”

“i see” ://////////

you like get up super fast and just walk around him and go into your roomm shutting the door 

poor jaemin is just like “what”

cause to be honest he never really considered this situation ever happening yah he thought you were prettier than most girls and he liked the way you were able to talk to people so easily but he never would have thought you harboured feelings for him

so he kind of just leaves it be cause he knows that you def dont want to talk about it and is willing to wait for you to be the one who brings it up

so time skip to dinner youre both just eating in silence but you dont like it,,,

“what i said was true” you say and jaemin looks up and he knows where this convo is going but he lets you speak

“i didnt ever plan on telling you because i really like our friendship but i guess i wasn’t careful enough”

your heart is beating hella fast but you try to look unbothered and its going pretty good until jaemin asks you something

“how long have you felt this way?”

OKAY like it shouldnt be a big deal to tell him bc you already exposed yourself but for some reason that question just hit you deep cause you realized that youve liked him for so long and he never felt the same ya know

“i dont know,,, since the start of highschool? when we became friends i always thought you were cute and it just turned into a full blown crush”

jaemin just sort of nods in response “oh okay”

so that night your just laying in your bed full of regrets

you know things are about to be super duper awkward between you and jaemin and you wish it didnt have to be like that

so over the next couple of weeks its more awkward than it has ever been before and the sleepovers with jeno seem so divided 

its either jeno and you or jeno and jaemin its never the three of you anymore :((((((

jaemin isn’t ignoring your feelings though, dont worry! hes just trying to sort his out

because your confession kind of opened his eyes

he doesnt want to force himself to like you but he cant help but admit that when he first heard you talking about your feelings a huge warmth spread through his chest and he may or may not have uncovered some feelings

these feelings were always there but he suppressed in grade nine cause he thought you’d never like him and you just wanted to stay friends

so he pushed them down and never thought about it again

but obviously that didnt happen because now youre on his mind 24/7 and he wishes that he could just talk to you but hes kind of nervous

so after taking advice from jeno he tries to talk to you more, like asking how your day went and starting up conversations

youre  kind of like “what u playing at son” but you leave it cause you know jaemin would never do you dirty like that

it stays this way for a while until one night theres a particularly bad thunderstorm and jaemin is scared of thunder

and so when youre just playing on your phone jaemin opens your door slightly and has this scared look on his face

and you know that jaemin is scared of thunder so you open your arms without any words being shared

a huge boom of thunder makes jaemin squeal and jump into your arms

and he gets comfy under the covers as youre holding him, no words shared between you two

he starts to feel much better and this sense of comfort washes over him like,,, youre his home

and as hes falling asleep he softly mutters

“im sorry it took me so long”

and youre just straight confused like what does that mean is he talking about his feelings or just the fact that yall havent had such an close encounter in a while 

the next morning you wake up and jaemins arms and you guys are facing eachother

and hes already awake so when you oepn your eyes you find him already looking at you

“thank you for last night, youre the best” he whispers and youre like all good fam i understand

but then he leans in closer and is like “i should have told you this so long ago, but i am in love with you”

your eyes widen and youre like wh AT the FUCJ your heart is beating at like 420 bpm and ur shooketh

he just smiles and pulls in you in closer and its just a super soft moment and no words have to be said

that night you guys are cuddling on the couch after dinner when jaemin just asks you be his gf

OF COURSE YOU SAY YES! you have been waiting for this moment for god knows how long

jeno is all like damn fina-fucking-ly i’ve been watching this romance play out for like 5 years! 

its super cute

its even better that you guys are roommates because youre already living together so you get to see eachother everyday

jaemins room as become a guest room for sorts as he now shares a bed with you

jenos happy af hes like YESSS I DONT NEED TO SLEEP WITH JAEMIN IN OUR SLEEPOVERS ANYMORE

jaemin: >:(((((( tf is that supposed to mean

you just laugh and youre like im not complaining hahaha and jaemins heart just stutters so bad 

he really does love you and he cant believe it took him so long to accept his feelings

and one night he tells you about how he pushed them down and youre like “exCUSE ME we could have been dating all this time u pussy”

sad jaemin :((((( 

anyway ya its so good its a win-win situation 

you get to room with the love of your life and its just magical there are so many soft moments between you two and just UGH relationship goals

i need me a jaemin

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[lolainslackss]

Numbers 2 or 8 feat high school Andriel au bc I cant get enough of my two sons 😫

02. i sit at the rental booth at our local ice rink and watch you teach children how to skate

Neil lines up the three pairs of skates so that the blades clack metallically against the countertop. The tallest kid hands him a note to cover the rental charges and then passes the skates to his friends as Neil counts out his change with shivering fingers.

Abby and Wymack have given him this tiny electric heater that he keeps under the counter but even if he keeps it on for his entire shift, he never manages to thaw. That said, the rental booth isn’t the worst place he’s ever worked. Despite the cold (and the cheery looping of the same holiday songs), it’s easygoing. He enjoys the sounds - the echoey voices and the soft scratching of skates against the rink - and he enjoys the steaming mugs of tea Abby brings him every hour. He likes that Wymack isn’t too strict, which means he can spend his shifts catching up on homework. He also likes the decades-old decorations they excavate from some dark basement room every year; he can remember the crooked, artificial tree and the dimly-glowing rainbow of lights strung around it from when he came ice skating as a kid. Of all the jobs he could have taken at the rink, the rental booth is fine. He would have rather taken on an assistant instructor role, but even though he’s nimble on his feet when he’s on dry land, he’s an accident-prone nightmare on the ice. So that was that ruled out.

“Enjoy,” he murmurs half-heartedly as he hands the kid a stack of loose change. The boy looks at the two girls and they all grin, clearly amused by some private joke or other.

“We always do,” one of the girls says. They’ve already changed into their skates and now their snow boots are wet and drippy on Neil’s counter.

“Mr. Minyard is the best,” the other girl adds.

“So funny,” the boy agrees.

Minyard, Neil thinks, as they totter towards the rink. Surely not that Minyard.

He shrugs and puts their boots away, but he’s still preoccupied by that name. He sits next to a Minyard in school: Andrew. They have calculus together but they’ve never said a word to each other. Andrew sits in stony silence throughout their class, not doing much at all, while Neil furiously scribbles away. He doesn’t seem to do badly, though. In fact, his scores are nearly as good as Neil’s own (Neil takes a peek every now and then, when he’s sure Andrew isn’t looking). He can’t imagine Andrew teaching kids how to skate. From what Neil knows firsthand, and from what he’s heard from other kids at school, Andrew isn’t very friendly or patient. In fact, some of the kids at school are deathly afraid of him.

Neil frowns and tries to focus on his homework, but he’s too distracted. He checks to see if there are any more customers around and hops over the booth counter when he sees there aren’t. The sounds of skates swishing against the ice gets louder as he approaches the rink. He’s not sure what’s really driving his curiosity, but he can’t shake away the need to know. He peers through the plexiglass and sure enough, there he is: Andrew Minyard. Five feet flat and perfectly balanced on the ice. There are around twelve kids congregating around him, laughing hysterically. Andrew, straight-faced, folds his arms across his chest and says something. They all laugh again. Neil tilts his head to the side and watches. Andrew sends away the more confident skaters to practice travelling backwards around the perimeter of the rink and stays in the centre to teach the more wobbly skaters to do figures-of-eight on the ice. He looks calm as he instructs them, gentle in his guidance. It’s a strange image to apply to the disinterested and cold-looking Andrew Minyard he knows from class.

“Wesninski,” Wymack barks, yanking him back to the real world. “You’ve got customers. I don’t pay you to stand around.”

Andrew looks over when he hears Wymack yelling and his and Neil’s eyes meet briefly. Aside from a glimmer of recognition, Andrew doesn’t give anything else away. Neil makes a mental note to ask him about it on Monday, and then jogs back to the rental booth - and the disgruntled customers waiting for him - with a forced and cheery smile plastered on his face.

…

Monday morning. Calculus. Andrew Minyard comes in just before the bell rings and plonks down into his seat without sparing Neil a glance. Their teacher immediately starts droning on, so Neil doesn’t get a chance to talk to Andrew until they’re given their exercises.

“So, how long have you worked at the rink?” Neil asks, tapping his pencil against his notepad.

“Couple of weeks,” Andrew says with a shrug, doodling a fat cat in the margins of his own notebook.

“I work there too,” Neil tells him uselessly.

“I noticed,” Andrew says with a small snort. “You were spying on me.”

“I wasn’t- I just-” Neil returns his mocking look with a glare. Andrew looks so different from when he was helping the kids at the rink. He looks harder at the edges. “I was just curious to see who the new instructor was.”

“Well, now you’ve found out. Hope you’re thrilled.”

“You don’t seem like the type.”

Andrew looks amused. “That’s presumptuous.”

“Yeah, well,” Neil mumbles, shrugging. “Maybe you should put as much effort into your calculus as you do at the rink.”

“You’re very bold this morning.”

“You’re a confusing person,” Neil admits.

“Don’t hurt yourself trying to figure it out,” Andrew says. “I can make it simple for you.”

Neil looks at him questioningly.

“At the rink, I get free blue raspberry slushies. You know, because I work there,” Andrew says, conspiratorially, as if he’s telling Neil a secret. “In calculus, though? Not so much.”

Neil blinks, nonplussed. “You’re messing with me.”

“Who knew you were so easy to mess with.”

“So, what’s the real reason?”

“I like it,” Andrew says plainly. “Is that the answer you were hoping for?”

Neil just shrugs. He feels annoyed. Like the conversation is a game that he’s somehow lost. He flips the page vigorously and somehow ends up gouging a papercut into the side of his finger. A blob of red blood beads, quivers and then spills.

He instinctively blots the cut with a sheet of paper from his notebook before noticing that Andrew is pulling a pack of wet wipes and a beat-up box of band-aids out of his bag.

“It’s just a papercut,” Neil protests.

“Just a papercut,” Andrew parrots darkly. “Even tiny cuts can get infected.”

“Fine,” Neil concedes, placing his hand on the desk in between them.

He watches as Andrew carefully dabs the cut before firmly wrapping the band-aid around it. His touch causes Neil’s heart to trip up in his chest. He brings his free hand to his forehead; he hopes he’s not coming down with something.

After Andrew’s done, he drops Neil’s hand as if it’s a pebble of coal burning hot from a fire. Neil mutters a thank you and the rest of the class passes by without incident or, indeed, another word.

…

Saturday. Very early afternoon. Stark white daylight washes over the town, but it’s ephemeral. Soon, the sky will purple and brood. It’s the busiest time at the ice rink and Neil’s been dealing with a constant queue of customers all day.

Eventually, he’s left alone long enough to sit down and take a look at his English essay. He writes exactly one sentence before the commotion begins. A cluster of kids waddle toward him, teetering on their skates. They look worried.

“Mr. Minyard fell on the ice,” one of them announces.

“His knee just like, started spurting blood everywhere!”

“Don’t exaggerate, Tommy!”

“What? It did!”

Neil swears under his breath and bends down to retrieve the first aid kit. Wymack had made him take a first aid course after he’d been offered the job. He’d said he liked everyone at the rink to know how to take care of someone who took a spill on the ice. Luckily, he has never had to use it. Until now.

Neil follows the kids to the edge of the rink. Andrew is trying to undo his laces, but keeps needing to stop in order to press down on his bleeding knee. His pale fingers are smudged red. When Neil looks across the rink, he sees the splatter of crimson where he must have fallen.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have worn your trendy, ripped jeans to work today,” Neil deadpans, crouching down to take a look at Andrew’s cut.

“Shut up,” Andrew says, shooting him an unimpressed look.

“I will,” Neil says, “but only if you let me take a look at that.”

He nods at Andrew’s hands, which are clasped tightly over his knee. Andrew’s expression doesn’t change, but something in his body language shifts as he slowly undoes his hands and lets them fall to his sides.

“Just there,” he says, pointing to his knee. He leans back against the plexiglass wall and closes his eyes.

Neil nods, not really understanding. He makes sure to clean and dress the wound without touching Andrew anywhere but his knee. It’s a relatively shallow cut so it’s easy enough to patch up, even when there are a bunch of kids watching him work, holding their breath.

When he’s done, Andrew’s eyes flutter open. Some colour has returned to his cheeks. Neil smiles at him encouragingly.

“Go get Andrew a blue raspberry slushie,” Neil instructs one of the kids.

“I’m not in shock,” Andrew grumbles, annoyed.

“Didn’t say you were,” Neil replies. “This is just, I don’t know, my treat.”

“What a treat,” Andrew says sarcastically, getting to his feet. “A freebie from the cafeteria.”

“How’d you fall?” Neil asks, just as Andrew is about to get back on the rink and skate away from him.

“Wasn’t paying attention,” Andrew says, looking annoyed at himself.

“Oh well,” Neil says. “Could have been worse, right?”

Andrew just holds his gaze for a second or two and then glides away.

…

Neil slams his locker and startles when he sees Andrew standing right next to him, sucking the remnants of a slushie, his lips tinted blue.

“What?” Neil asks.

“Nothing,” Andrew replies, tossing the plastic cup in the trash.

“Okay,” Neil replies, confused. “You’re finished too?”

Andrew just nods, sitting down on the bench across from Neil and studying him carefully. His look makes Neil feel twitchy and at the same time makes his insides lurch as if he’s on a rollercoaster.

“Uh, are you heading home then?” Neil goes on.

Andrew shrugs. “You?”

“Kind of have to,” Neil replies, tugging on his parka and switching his fingerless gloves for mittens. “It’s Hanukkah. If I’m not there when the candle’s lit, my mom will kill me.”

“Okay,” Andrew says, considering this. “And what will she do if you sneak out after?”

Neil huffs a laugh out of his nose and shakes his head. “Then she’ll turn me over to my dad to kill me.”

“Is there any situation where you meet up with me tonight and don’t end up dead?”

“I- Well- Why do you want to meet up with me?”

Andrew looks at him as if to say, are you serious? Neil tugs at his scarf, feeling warmth for the first time in weeks.

“You,” he starts, not sure how to finish. “You’re nothing like how they say you are, are you?”

“Who’s that?”

“The kids at school. They think you’re scary.”

But he’s not, Neil thinks, his mind flooding with images of Andrew on the ice, reaching for some little girl’s hand as she’s about to stumble. Of Andrew taking care of his stupid papercut even though he didn’t have to.

“I don’t care what they think,” Andrew says.

“Where will you be?” Neil asks, changing the subject. “Tonight?”

“Around.”

“Your parents won’t mind?”

“Bee is a very lenient guardian.”

Neil doesn’t waste his time trying to untangle his thoughts. He knows what he wants to do.

“I can sneak out,” Neil tells Andrew, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

“Good,” Andrew says.

They walk down the corridor in silence, eventually passing the empty rink and a suspicious-looking Wymack. Neil waves goodbye to him and then he and Andrew are outside, surrounded by a deeply black night-time that’s being interrupted by the orange glow of the streetlamps. Andrew walks him to his car and then leaves without saying another word, merely tugging on the strap of his backpack and shooting him another one of his looks.

Neil drives home with a grin on his face he can’t get rid of. He can’t wait to see how the rest of the night will turn out.

winter prompts

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[deansawthetvglow]

i’m sending an ask because you said so! please tell us the story of how you started watching sherlock AND what you love most about it

Ooooooo!!!!!

Okay, i think i told this story long long ago, but here we go again.

story below the cut so i don’t annoy a bunch of ppl with my long answer lol

I’m not sure when it was, before TAB and after S3, but I was talking to this guy who had just joined my church! And we were texting this one weekend and he recommended I watch it.

So, the next week rolls around and my parents skip town for a bit and leave my mom’s friend’s adult daughter to hang out with me, watch the house and all that jazz. I was like, a senior in high school or something tho so don’t ask why my parents didn’t trust me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyways, I was like, “Yo, Piper, new kid Joe from church recommended this show, and I know we both love Downton Abbey (we did annual parties for Downton where we’d dress in clothes from the period and make predictions and drink Tea and eat lots of good food n stuff) so I think we will like this other british show. Wanna watch?” And she was like, “yeah sure, lets watch an episode tn!” I think it was sunday.

Anyways, we watched one episode…and then two and then it was really late….and when I woke up…I just didn’t go to school lmao and we watched all of it!

I remember being SO freaking drawn to Johnlock already I didn’t even know it existed but I was a big One Direction stan/shipper before this so I kinda was on the lookout for a new ship. And i remember the Tarmac scene and my heart freaking DROPPING when Sherlock “the stuff I’ve wanted to say” and in that pause me and Piper held our breaths and she was like “oh my god is he gonna say he lov-“ and then it was all “Sherlock is actually a girls name” and OH my god the breath i let out was so disappointed but yeah at that moment I was like yup this is it. This show is my life now. So I popped on here and changed my user bc I had a 1D one. And voila, I became Johnlockshire.

My fave part Bout BBC Sherlock is, apart from Martin Freeman, probably the scripts and storyline. Like they were so cool and the like filming idk cinematography soooo beautiful, and just the emotions and plots and heartbreak and triumph sooo good.

This doesn’t apply to s4 which uh…is not my cup of tea. For me, a little too hard to follow to be enjoyable, among other things. i think the writing for s4, mofftiss thought they had to make this complex solution when even sherlock knows that the simplest answer is often the right one. (Something Sherlock says tho is that lies are often more complex, so not to tinhat, but s4 of sherlock is fake! Or mind palace!! And you can’t change my mind!) lol

So yeah! That’s when I got into it! And then I just watched it over and over again and wrote a bunch of metas and joined the best fandom that has ever existed until hiatus ended and the Sherlock fandom collectively dissolved. I mean, I still follow a lot of sherlock blogs (sup yall) but yeah, its just not the volume it used to be. Sherlock s4 broke a lot of hearts and its taken me like 2-3 years (i cant remember) to even consider starting to blog abt it again.

Sorry for the long answer! Thanks for the q!

[fineline-live]

Never Be • lrh

Title: Never Be

Reader Pairing: Y/N and Luke

Rating: eh it’s fluff just bc i need some Lu fluff rn

WARNINGS: mention of panic attack, description of panic attack

Description: Luke never realized how loud he kept his guitar and microphone amps until he heard a girl humming a song about herself.

For the past 18 years I’ve looked out the same window in my room to see that tan garage, the same four boys growing up while walking in and out of it. It was my neighbor Luke’s house, his three friends having grown up hanging out with him. We were all for the most part the same age, their friend Ashton being the oldest by a year or two. The garage was Luke’s bedroom, his parents fitting it to look nicer but also withhold all the noise of the instruments he would play. Luke and I were considered best friends, having grown up together. When we were younger we’d always play outside together, and as we got older we’d settle for smaller things like a movie night or even just a video game filled sleep over. Now as we both reached the age of 18, the quiff haired boy started to become more reserved, only really ever letting one person come over anymore, and that was Michael, myself getting demoted from bestest friend to even just acquaintance.

I watched as the red haired boy pulled up in his shitty broken down truck, getting out and walked in through the garage door. I eventually just shut my curtains, irritated that I wasn’t the one getting to go over and talk to Luke about his day. It’s been months since we even had a movie night, which is rare considering we’d have one at least twice a week. I turned back to my notebook, doodling the smallest things, writing words in fancy fonts, doing anything that could get my mind off of my evergrowing loneliness. I heard Michael’s truck door slam and couldn’t help but look out the window to see him get back in his truck and drive off. He was only with Luke for a good five minutes, leaving me to wonder why he left so quick. I shrugged and went back to doodling, soon hearing the sound of an amp being loudly plugged in. It was probably just Luke setting up his guitar for something.

It was a couple minutes until I started to hear the strumming of chords. I set my pencil down and opened up my window so I could hear better, something Id always do when Luke would play something. The song he started to play didn’t sound familiar though. Usually he would play some type of cover, but I couldn’t pick out what this was. He started to sing along, his voice soft with the music. I pulled up my desk chair next to the window and just sat there for what felt like hours, Luke playing the same song over and over again, perfecting his rhythm and his tone. He eventually stopped playing, leaving me to open my eyes and collect my surroundings, having had sat for so long. I turned back and grabbed my pencil and notebook from my bed and write down what lyrics I could remember from Luke singing.

“I need your love to light up this house,

I wanna know what you’re all about,

I wanna feel you feel you(?) all night

I need to tell you that it’s alright (?) you look fine (?)

....

We’ll never be as young as we are now

It’s time to leave this old black and white town

Let’s seize the day, Let’s run away, Don’t let the colours fade to grey

We’ll never be as young as we are now

As young as we are now”

It was all I could remember, just pieces of what I thought were the words. The tune was stuck in my head though, the chorus sticking out most to me. I had finished writing down parts of it when I heard the garage door slam, Luke trudging out while looking at his phone. He looked the same as he always had. Tall, lanky, pale, quiffed blonde hair, black skinny jeans, and a pair of vans. He hasn’t changed at all in demeanor, so part of me still questioned why he pushed me away so much. I just shrugged, having already dealt with the hurt in the past, not caring enough to go through it again. I closed my window so I wouldn’t have to hear anything. There was a knock on my door, my mum opening it to reveal the sounds of chattering down the hall towards the kitchen. “Foods done.” Was all she said, shutting the door and walking back down the hall. I sighed, wondering who she invited over now, and tightened my arms around my sweater, the autumn weather causing a breeze throughout the house.

I walked down the hall, voices laughing and talking about several different subjects. While walking around the corner I peeked my head to see who was here before taking a deep breath. My feet had already carried me to far to back up, my hands beginning to shake. Liz was here with Celeste, Jack’s girlfriend, talking to my mum about something. Andy, Jack, and my father all having a conversation about a new surf line that Rip Curl came out with. And then there was Luke who just walked in, standing awkwardly in the corner, nodding along to things his dad said. That’s why he finally came out of his room. Liz was the first to notice my appearance, becoming overly excited and loud. “Y/N, sweetheart! How are you?” She walked over for a welcoming hug, squeezing me tight, Celeste doing the same after. “I’m good!”

I walked over towards Jack, giving him a tight side hug. “Hey, dude,” He laughed, hugging tighter. “Wassup, dude.” We both chuckled, Jack keeping his arm around me as they continued talking. Andy reached his hand out for a fist bump, smiling at me as my dad brought up dinner. “Dinner is done if everyone wants to grab a plate!” Everyone smiled at each other, walking to the kitchen island to get a plate. I turned back to look at Luke, a frown on his face as he watched me walk away. I gave him a half assed smile, him not even bothering to return it. I rolled my eyes and turned around, getting my plate of food and following everyone to the larger table we had for when guests were over. We all sat down, Luke ending up in the last spot which happened to be next to me, even though I talked to Jack the whole time.

When we finished eating, everyone sat around the table still talking. I pulled out my phone, scrolling through it as Luke was doing, and without realizing started to hum a tune in my head. I couldn’t figure it out so I just kept repeating it over and over, trying to remember what song it was. Luke had looked up from his phone at me, analyzing the song and his eyes going wide when he heard it. I noticed my phone was about to die, so I got up and walked towards my room to plug it in. As I was plugging in my phone, I didn’t notice Luke walk in behind me until I heard him close my door. “Jesus, Luke.” I held my hand to my chest to try to steady my breathing. “How do you know that song?” His voice was low, almost terrified. I set my phone down on the windowsill and shrugged. “Calm down, mate. You play it all the time.”

His eyes went wider if possible. “You hear me play it?” I nodded my head, not getting why he was so worked up over this. “D-Do you know the words to it?” I shrugged again. “Some of them. It’s kinda hard to hear you through the garage walls, but I can pick some of the words out.” His hands flew to his face, covering it and sitting on the edge of my bed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. This cannot be happening.” I looked at him confused, wondering what he was so upset over. “What?” He shook his head, rubbing his eyes and taking deep breaths. “You can’t fucking walk in here and make a big deal over a fucking song when you don’t talk to me for five months, Luke. That’s not how this works.” I crossed my arms against my chest as he slipped himself down to the floor from the bed. His shoulders started heaving, and his hands kept rubbing at his eyes and covering his face. From all the years I knew Luke, I knew what the symptoms were.

I crawled down to my knees, making my way over to his shaking body. He made gasps for air as he rubbed his eyes, trying to get out of the headspace he was in. “You’re okay, Luke. You’re okay. I’m right here, I promise.” I knew unless Luke initiated it, touching him would only make it worse, so I kept my hands to myself. I kept talking to him softly. “Lu, breathe, love. You’re okay.” One of his hands left his face, reaching out to grab one of mine, trying to tell me he needed me close. I scooted closer to him, wrapping my arm around him and trailing my hand up and down his back. I rubbed softly as he tried to call himself down, his breathing still erratic. “Let’s count, Lu. Up to five and then we’ll hold our breath for five more seconds. Can you do that?” I started counting, having to restart every few seconds due to Luke not being able to gain any composure. I knew I’d have to be patient with him, so I just kept starting over, giving him any opportunity to join. His breathing started to slow, choked words finding their way out. “O-One, two, three, f-four, five.” He held his breath, counting to five again. We repeated the process together a few more times until Luke could fully regain his breathing, his face not as red as he was. I pulled him into me, continuing to rub his back, his shoulders shaking every once in awhile from a staggered breath.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” I asked softly. He took another deep breath, nuzzling his face further into my neck. “The songs called Never Be.” I nodded my head, waiting to hear what else he has to say. “I-It’s about, about loving someone and being stuck in a small sh-shitty ass town like th-this.” I rubbed his back softer, leaning my head against his. “Did you write it for someone?” His breath choked in his throat, his body starting to shake. “I cant tell you that.” “That’s okay! It’s okay, Lu. You don’t have to tell me anything else if you don’t want to.” I whispered. He took a shaky breath, exhaling against my neck. “You’ll think I’m crazy if I tell you who it’s about. Especially after how I’ve treated them lately.” My mind started to race, thinking of anyone it could be about. He hasn’t had any girls over in the last couple of months, so I was left confused. “Try me,” I offered.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. I craned my neck and looked down at him. “For what?” He shook his head with a sad smile. “For just going MIA on you. Just fucking leaving you to fend for yourself. For not being there for you. For being a shitty best friend. Fuck, I’m probably not even your friend anymore after how I treated you.” I sat against my bed on the floor, with Luke leaning against me. My hand rubbing his back, and the other one reaching down and fidgeting with his fingers. “Was it about me?” His breathing got warmer against my neck, his body trying to pull away. “M’ sorry. I shouldn’t have written it.” I pulled him back to look at me, our fingers still awkwardly intertwined. “You said it’s about loving someone? And being stuck in a shitty town?” He nodded his head, staring down at our fingers.

“I got scared,” he whispered. “I knew that if I told you how I was feeling that you’d probably just laugh and tell me to fuck off and stop joking. I tried to push the feelings away, and I figured if I pushed you away, they would go with, and they didn’t, and I fucking cried myself to sleep for the last five months because you’re over here living your live and I’m so in love with you that I start to panic and can’t think straight. And I just got so scared. I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in love.”

Tears sat in my eyes, tears of confusion, and being overwhelmed, and being in love. I grabbed Luke’s hand tighter, interlocking our fingers for good. He started to ramble again repeating all of his earlier words. “Shut the fuck up, Lu,” I laughed softly. He looked at me confused, wondering what he said wrong. I smiled at him. “The more you talk, the less of a chance I have to kiss you.” His eyes went wide, a blush creeping onto his face as I softly pulled his face in towards mine. His lips were soft and warm, and they felt like something that I didn’t wanna let go of. “So what does this mean?” Luke asked pulling away gently. Our foreheads sat together, our noses bumping, our breaths mixing. I couldn’t help but lean in for another small kiss. When I pulled away I smiled, a small giggle escaping my lips.

“It means pack your shit and get your keys because we’re leaving this shitty ass town.”

[usercurrentlylost]

DREAM

This was a dream i had like a year ago and i still vividly remember it. My and my friend were living in this little town or something in like france and it was in a box. There was a secret door that led to the outside and we went through it into the forest. We went and about 10 minutes into the walk the was this 5 story house. It was the weirdest but coolest looking building. She had a bad feeling so she left and i went in. I walked around the house and when i got to the 4th floor i saw a beds and a lot of clothes on top of them and some had blood and stuff. I ended up running down stairs only to find a guy waiting there. "You can't leave" (he kind of looks like matthew grey gubbler) i end up running past hin somehow and ran oht the houss bht right before i got to the bottom of the last steps he grabbed my by my hair. Then i hear "CUT!" and i was so confused. Time kinda passes and its just me and my brother and the guy and his maid in the house. The guy and i are talking while my brother watches tv. He then takes me outside and we have sex. Lmfao. A couple weeks pass by and we fall in love with each other. Then one night around 3am i get up to get a glass of water and i hear him and his maid talking. "We have to tell her." "WE dont have to say shit" i walk up behind him. "Tell me what?" They stand in shock and i keep repeating the question. I end up getting mad and slamming my fist on the table and scream the question. "Im a murder. I kill people who get lost in the woods. I feel bad for it but i cant help it. There's something wrong with me." He starts to cry. "I dont want to hurt you or your brother but i have to. Its like a disease. Im so sorry." I end up walking away somewhere i cant remember and cry. The next morning i go downstairs to eat and hes there. Hes demeanor change. He was acting cold towards me. There was no talking until the we finished eating. He then got up and sat next to me. He put his hand on my face and kissed me. When he pulled away he said "you have one week" then he got up and left. I ran to my brother afterwards and started to tell him that we were escaping that night around 1am. I told him to be ready. Around 11:30pm i start to get ready. I sit on the bed and stare at him. He then turns around and i lightly gasp bc he was awake. He sighs and sits up next to me. "I love you. I love you so much" i get up to try to distract him from the point that i was leaving. He hugs me tighly, his head resting on my stomach. "I dont want to hurt you. And this is going to break me if i go through with it and it going to break me even more if i let you go but you need to leave now. Around this time my mind isnt completely aware. So leave right now. Please. Because if you dont i will wake up and hirt you because you already tried leaving tonight " he sobs uncontrollably and im in tears now. " its okay. Its okay baby. Im here. Im not going anywhere. I love you. Im in love with you" we then "make love" lmfaoooooo and he falls asleep. I get up at 1am and go to my brothers room to tell him to leave without me. When i walk in the bitch was still sleeping when i tood him to be ready by 1. I wake him up and he packs. Once hes done i tell him to leave and he starts to cry and we hug and start bawling. He doesnt leave and i tell him to wait in the kitchen. I go back to my room and the guy was gone. There was a note on the bed that read "leave. Go. I dont want to do this so just leave. I left for the rest of the night so pack what you need and leave. I love you." I cry while i get more stuff. Once im done we leave and go outside. As soon as i step on the last step (again) i get struck by lightning. I knock out for a bit then get back up and i feel weird. Then i saw someone from the corner of my eye and its him. But he's different. Hes not him. He starts to run towards us and we sprint. We end up running into my friend from the beginning and we all stop and hide for a bit. We hear him close and i end up making us all camouflage into the leaves. The lightning gave me powers ig. He passes us and goes back and we run to the --

[randomoranges]

i grant you this wildcard on this the day of my eight hour shift where i won't be able to grant you any from, use it wisely

idk how wise this is but

for some reason we were both thinking ish of this and well yall know me now, cant not start new aus

anyways folk, here is an au legit no one asked for

the prequel to amnesia au

aka the origin story of ed and ét - which needs a cool title but like eh

part 1 bcs we all really know better

Étienne checked his phone for any signs of messages andfrowned; he was supposed to meet with a potential new roommate and saidpotential new roommate was twenty-five minutes late already and counting; Étienne had asked to meetat the coffee shop around the corner from the apartment, in case he got a weirdvibe from the guy and because the last two people who had inquired after theextra room had been interesting tosay the least, but at this point he was ready to ask his sister to move in withhim, even though Élyse had already mentioned that she was not interested –Étienne just wanted someone to help him pay rent, at this point, and he couldalready feel his standards go down.

He’d posted his ad for the spare bedroom on Kijiji after hisformer roommate moved out for good, since he’d graduated and was moving in withhis partner, which Étienne totally understood, but with the school termstarting soon, Étienne wasn’t sure anyonewas going to take the room, until two weeks back, a guy messaged him asking ifit was still available; considering the first person who’d inquired at thestart of summer turned out to be a scammer who threatened to send the RCMPafter him and the second person simply never answered after his first message,Étienne had been skeptical, but had responded, figuring he had nothing to lose,at this point.

What followed next was an exchange of messages and Étiennefound out that his new potential roommate was from Edmonton (that soundedsketchy), he was moving into the city for school (a second warning bell) and hewould be in town on Monday (that was cutting it close, considering term startedWednesday), but the guy – Edward – didn’t set off any other warning bells andwhen Étienne suggested they meet up at the café around the corner for two,Edward accepted and agreed; Étienne had reconfirmed their meeting place andtime the night before, Edward had responded and had even sent off a littledescription of himself, so that Étienne would recognise him, but so far, therewas no “on the small side, dark hair, jean shorts, green shirt and orangebackpack” Edward and Étienne was starting to lose it; he’d sent half a dozenmessages to Edward, had tried calling him, but there was no response andÉtienne had a funny feeling he was being ghosted; he was about ready to throwsome money on the table to pay for his drink and leave, when he caught sight ofa lost looking man who could be described as short, with medium-long, darkbrown hair, a green shirt, jean shorts and an orange backpack… Étiennewatched this Edward fellow scan theroom and when their eyes met, he smiled.

———

Part: I, II

[eaglebones-falconhawk]

ok. heres a write up of my astro weekend. sorry it’s so long. 

...or at least everything i can remember. 

i guess i’ll go in order. 

thursday: 

thursday was in athens. i sat around my airbnb room for a bit and then finally decided to go check out a shop around 2 pm. well apparently that fuckin shop was literally next door bc as soon as I turned around from loading up the parking meter, Birdstuff was there with the sound guy (his friend). I said hi and we talked for a bit, then I went into the store. I got a cool sweater and a cute dress and the girl at the counter took my picture to put on their instagram.  I checked out a few more shops in the area before I went back. Also, Reel Big Fish were playing literally right up the road and I heard them rehearsing. 

I got to the venue right before the doors opened and ran into a guy from the fan facebook group. we talked for a bit and he said he flew in from new york for the show. super nice dude. I went in and no one checked if i had a ticket or id’ed me or anything. kinda weird. Anyway i just kinda sat there for a while while people came in. avona nova waved at me when she showed up, then coco said hi later while I was talking to someone. the other guy was like “you know that guy...i feel like i should know him!” I had to tell him who it was, I thought that was pretty funny. 

I also saw Birdstuff again before their set. He gave me a setlist but only if i promised not to look at it. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it til the next day. lol.  Their set was really good. They opened with one of my favorite songs, and played the MST3K theme song. They also played one new song. Coco grabbed my head during one of the intro samples. Birdstuff also fed a chunk of pizza to the guy next to me.  Oh shit, I almost forgot about Pylon. They played before astroman and were AMAZING. Also Vanessa (the singer) told me she liked my jacket when i picked up their new record from the merch table. I’m really really glad I got to see them.

After the set I stuck around to say hi and stuff. Me and my new buddy from the facebook group both talked to coco for a bit. I showed him my tattoo and he said he’d make sure i’d be on the guest list for the rest of the weekend buuut that never happened. I dont think he was lying or forgot but I never did get on that guest list :/. I gave him and everyone but star crunch some stickers. Avona Nova asked me about my shoes, and she was so into them. It was adorable! I love her.  That’s about it for thursday night.  Friday: 

The friday show was in atlanta. I went to check out the botanical gardens in athens before i left town. it was unsurpisingly not that great on the last day of november but i still enjoyed it. it was nice to go for a peaceful walk through nature and i still got to see some cool plants. I left and drove to atlanta and went to my favorite shop in little 5 points, then left because i didnt wanna deal with people or traffic anymore. (i still got stuck in traffic). I did get a cool MoAM magnet though. 

The show in atlanta was in the same place i saw them last year- except they expanded so the venue was about twice as big. i got there kinda early (they also opened the doors way later than advertised) so i sat with one of birdstuff’s friends/the sound guy for a while. hes a really nice guy and showed me pictures of his cats. he also introduced me to some other people that work at saturn.

the merch table was on the old stage and i fell a little bit and almost spilled my drink on star crunch who was unloading tshirts. he was like “oh...hi”. after the show he told me his dog died :/

 the first 2 opening bands were kinda weird but i had fun watching them. Arcwelder played and I really enjoyed seeing them. I think i’m gonna try and get some of their cds. I saw coco in the audience again and i think he waved at me but i cant remember if he said hi. my new buddy was kind of impressed that any of the band members did say hi though. lol.  i think avona nova musta said hi that night too bc at some point he was like “you’re like the astro-insider”. I thought it was hilarious. 

The set for this night was pretty great. they opened with With Automatic Shutoff again but it sounded way better. they also did a few improv songs, and played the mst3k song again, but it wasnt on the set list. Coco fell at some point during the set and kicked me in the face a little bit. I told him afterward and he felt really bad. He also knocked over one of the monitors when he fell, and i had to hold it up with 2 other guys to keep it from falling. I got to wear coco’s helmet for a minute but its heavy and smelly so i put it on someone else as soon as i could. also henry (the guy who put all the shows together as his birthday party) told me he was really glad i came. it was kinda weird but it was nice. kinda made me wanna cry though. 

After the show i stuck around for a bit. this time i did get to talk to the band a bit more. I asked star crunch how he was doing and he was like “i’ve had better weeks....my dog just died” UM. OKAY. he did seem really sad though. i feel bad for him. hes such a nice man. We talked for a bit and I gave him some of the stickers i made.  birdstuff knew i was going to drive from atlanta to birmingham for the next show so he offered to find me a place to stay as they all claimed “the drive back was really boring”. star crunch was like “you could stay with my parents, my dad could teach you how to line dance.” lmao. him and coco also told me about a time they apparently both interviewed and applied for the same job, with the idea that theyd both work the same position for like half the year and get twice the amount of work done, so they could tour the rest of the year. i had to tell him that basically the same thing happened in an episode of its always sunny in philadelphia. lmao. i talked with them all for a while before they started leaving and stuff. i mean i didnt have anything better to do. i said see ya later and got an uber home. my airbnb was cold as shit and i didnt sleep very well. 

saturday: 

the saturday show was at Saturn in Birmingham. and it was perfect. i slept as late as i could then just chilled in my airbnb (it was a converted airstream trailer- hella cool but kinda cold in late november/early december) until it was time to go. i packed all my shit but wasnt really sure if i wanted to stay in Bham because i figured i’d have to stay with a stranger or something. the drive from atlanta to birmingham really wasnt that bad, but i’m also not a 40 year old man. I got to bham way earlier than i expected so i went and tried to get something to eat. the sandwich i ordered was amazing but i just wasnt hungry. did i  mention i have appetite issues when i travel? because i barely ate anything all weekend. anyway i went to saturn and just sat around for a while til i met another person from the facebook group. which was nice, because i basically wasn’t alone at any of the shows. this guy was also super nice. avona nova came up and said hi and asked me about video games? i wasnt feeling good and i was really confused when she said that. it was still cool she said hi though. she’s so sweet. 

once again i wasnt on the setlist even though coco told me twice he’d make sure i was on there. i was kinda mad about it til he came up before their set and asked if i got in okay. (he also startled me when he did this because he came up from behind).  Arcwelder played again this show and they were really good again. Tar was also super good and the singer told me he liked all my space shit after the show. he was really nice. 

This show was played on the floor with a huge parachute as a backdrop. it looked awesome and made for a nice intimate setting. the band came through the audience instead of from the back and scared the hell out of me when they came up from behind me. 

This show was probably my favorite of the whole weekend. I think the set was a little longer but they also just sounded great. 

early on in the set star crunch’s microphone was like, electrified and it shocked him in the middle of a song. he put his guitar up to it to prove it and there was a bright spark. someone said “put a sock on it” so coco, being the fucking weird man he is took his shoe off and offered his sock to star crunch. but like its a sock and your mouth goes real close to the mic so he was like “no!!” coco just threw his fucking sock into the audience and played half the show with only one shoe on til the rest of the band made him put the other one on (with no sock). 

the theremin broke at some point during the set (it fell...but a cymbal also fell and broke the cord. who knows which truly broke it) so they almost didn’t play principles unknown, but birdstuff had the sound guy put a bunch of reverb on the mic and made coco do the fucking theremin noises with his mouth. and it was fucking incredible. he did it like, perfectly and TBH it was amazing to witness. i got it on video and i’m so glad i did. 

coco put the space helmet on me again during this show, and i tried to take a selfie with it but it didnt save :/. oh well. it got passed around the audience and everyone that got it seemed super happy. 

they played the mst3k song one more time this show, and birdstuff dedicated it to me :) he said something like “she drove all the way from fucking new zealand!” and this guy with a real heavy southern accent tapped my shoulder and was like “new zealand?” no...just iowa. lmao. it was so cool he did that, though. i’m really hoping someone recorded the whole show so i can go back and listen to it later. 

birdstuff did his regular drum kit sculpture but this time he stole a bunch of people’s belts (yes....he asked the audience for belts and then took them) and hung the snare drum from the ceiling. the second funniest part of the show was watching people try to find their belt from the pile. 

after the show i saw another guy in a jumpsuit so i went to tell him i liked it, just for solidarity i guess? turns out he went to high school with coco. weird! he was a super friendly guy and was kind of enthralled with my outfit. he took a picture with me and coco lol. 

I asked coco if i could take a picture with all 4 of them. i hadnt done it yet and i was like why not! its a special weekend!. he was like “yeah! if we can get everyone all together” which yeah, took a while. i also made sure i asked star crunch since he usually disappears first.

there were some teenage girls there who were trying to get the band’s autographs, and it was awesome. they were nice and i hope they had a good show. one of them told me she thought star crunch was cute. lmao. i kinda wish i’d gotten some autographs but i had such a good weekend, it doesn’t matter. 

i hung around until finally we got everyone in one room so we could take a picture. my bud for the night from the facebook group also got to take a picture with them. 

birdstuff asked again if i wanted to stay there, and i was like “sure!” mostly just so i could say i did it. man, it was an awesome place. they put in  some rooms and bunks above the venue so bands could sleep there. none of the bands that played that night stayed though, so i got the whole front room to myself. birdstuff showed me around and tried to get netflix on the tv to work but couldnt so he just showed me where the dvds were. i found a simpsons dvd and watched that. 

let me tell you- staying the night in saturn, watching the simpsons after an amazing MoAM show where they dedicated a song to me and then i got to hang out with them for a bit, that’s my idea of heaven. it was such a perfect night. i also took some pictures in the upstairs of saturn, partially because i wanted to be able to prove i was there, but also because the art and decorations were fucking awesome. such a good night. 

i did have to take a shower without a shower curtain though. birdstuff couldnt fix that. i didnt even care though. 

sunday:

the sunday show was in atlanta again, at a place called whirlyball. now what i didnt know about this place was that its not a fucking venue but basically an arcade. or well, more like, its this sport played on bumpercars with lacrosse sticks. theres 2 courts and a few games in the lobby, oh and theres a stage too. what a weird place. i was starting to feel sick by this day so i just sat on the couch for a while. avona nova sat on the couch next to me and we talked for a minute, and the others said hi when they saw me. 

i watched people play whirly ball for a bit, chilled while the first band played, then while the next band set up i went and found a bar chair in the lobby. one of the OTHER guys from the facebook fan group came and said hi and gave me an envelope with a ton of cool MoAM flyers in it. he also printed one of the pictures i took at the friday show and made me a custom record with that as the insert cover. it was fucking awesome but unexpected, i hadnt seen this guy all weekend even though he was at the other georgia shows. 

this was an all ages show so there were a few kids there. (including coco’s kid, she was adorable). pretty standard set again. i was feeling kinda crappy so this show felt weird to me, but it was still a lot of fun. at the end they pulled up a few kids to play bass and drums, and it was awesome. i found those kids after the show and gave em some stickers. they were so excited. 

i waited around after the show for a while again. avona nova told me she was gonna find the merch they brought so i could get some pins for my friends but mostly i didnt want to leave. she also asked if i wanted to take another picture with all 4 of them but star crunch and birdstuff were out of sight so i just took one with her, and then coco. shes so sweet. 

i met one more dude from the facebook group, this time a guy that came with his kid. they were both so excited to be there and it was adorable. he saw one of the pictures i had posted of a huge leaf i found at the georgia botanical gardens and showed me one he had taken earlier that day of his son with the same type of big fucking leaf (it was as big as him!). I gave them some stickers, and then they left. i think they had a bit of a drive. 

i hung around for a bit longer, talked to a few more people but there wasnt anything special really. some ladies really liked the jumpsuit i wore (lol). eventually i was ready to leave and birdstuff gave me a hug ( :)) ). he was worried about me driving back and offered to find me a hotel room. he also said to “make sure you stop at a rest stop if you start getting tired” which is exactly what my mom would say, lmao. it was sweet though. i said goodbye to him and daniel (the sound guy) and left. 

i got gas and then cried while i was driving because i had such a perfect weekend and i wasnt really ready for it to end. but like i was getting sick and ready to go home. anyway i drove home overnight (like 10 hours). 

anyway i had the most fun i’ll probably ever have for the rest of my life and it was worth the long fucking drive. my only regret is being too anxious to eat and not doing more shopping. 

thanks for reading this, if you did in fact do so. part of this was just to act as a journal if i want to go back and look at it later. 

sorry its so long. 

[moveslikejaggeria]

i hope the porn bots that follow me enjoy my little self indulgent tirades

i deactivated my instagram accounts the same night i made my last post. i deleted the discord app. why, you might ask yourself, and the answer is just…selfishness i guess. i got tired of the opportunity of people reaching out to me and just, not, so i closed the door entirely. makes it easier that way.

originally i thought i was going to die so returning didnt matter but here i am now, two weeks(-ish) later, still alive. then i thought i’ll watch avatar, and then i’ll reopen the account. except life really isnt that kind.

one of my coworkers—my ultimate favorite—asked me if i had gotten a mole on my face tested. i was confused, because i monitor my moles pretty closely; theyre scary and skin cancer runs in my family. i went home and spent the rest of the day taking pictures and looking in the mirror and poking and prodding and ultimately i was scared. its in my hairline, so i couldnt see it too well. i knew it was there but since i was relying solely on the sense of touch, it didnt seem that bad. its huge. and dark. and also white in some places. not good signs.

i dont like moles. in fact, i hate them. i hate what they represent, how they scare me, and how i cant just pick em off. i had one removed for cosmetic reasons way way back (it returned prepre cancerous, so nothing to worry about, but…not Great) but of course theyve returned with a vengeance and completely covered my body. luckily i got in with a dermatologist so theyll take a look at it and maybe take some of it for testing and hopefully they’ll look at the rest of my body and then look me in the eyes and say “you have nothing to worry about. you are healthy” but like that’ll help calm any nerves.

speaking of cancer, my mom has been updating me on my grandfather since she casually announced he has prostate cancer. i know different people deal with these things in different ways but it just feels so jarring to go from “how are you” to “oh just by the way, theyre testing to see if the cancer spread to his bones” or “we’re getting the whole family together next week bc we dont know if we’ll ever get to truly be together ever again so you should request off work on those days”. im worried about him. im (selfishly worried ~i~ have cancer)

so i delayed my return to social media even though i finished avatar bc i just dont know if i can go out on internet public and pretend that everything is okay. nothing has been okay for three years. im dealing with financial independence from my parents, my rapidly declining health, the loneliness of being away from my friends at school, and crushing mental illness. my mom keeps saying she did it—everyone had to go through this at some point: multiple minimum wage jobs and the stress of school, but she (and a lot of others) didnt have to deal with eating disorders. with a body that doesn’t cooperate. stress excema, stress vomiting, AND stress headaches/migraines.

have i talked about how much monkey pox scares me? im constantly itchy (dry skin) and my brain goes: you have monkey pox. you have it. every pimple is dissected and pinched until im like “okay. fine”. ive stopped wearing my mask at work and honestly its made me give up on covid. props to me for holding out for two plus years, but i cant do it anymore. not when absolutely no one cares. theres a new disease in town, covid, move out the way.