#i cant wait to be left alone
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my anger is a slightly wet towel that will still feel wet when you dry your hands with it and because of this your hands aren't really dry. if you leave the fuck alone however you might have a better trip to the pool
#problems!#i just am not in the mood for really anything#small stuff turning into bigger stuff throughout the entire goddamn day#and i cant sit here and act like im not bothered by anything when many things bother me#im the last person who needs to admit they have problems because we all fucking get it i have shit going on#but when someone keeps pushing my buttons when im not in the button pushing fucking mood#i tend to seethe and wallow. because any external expressions are just me being violent and shouting or self harming#i cant wait to be left alone#cutting contact with everyone in my family once i am for like a year minimum and then i will choose who i allow back in
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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everywhere i go, im forced to see hazbin
#LEAVE ME ALLLOOOOONEEEEEE#HOW MANY PEOPLE DO I HAVE TO UNFOLLOW TO STOP SEEING IT!!!#'just block the tag' ITS STILL FLOODING MY DASH#man. can i be left alone pls pls pls#everywhere i go i see those bug eyed twigs and i die inside a little more#SORRY FOR BEING A HATER ON MAIN but i love to complain and i love venting#absolutely unprompted#taking a long drag from my cigarette and inhales the full thing#set me free.....#i cant wait for the hype to die and for it to fade as most things do....
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hi mutuals im just curious.
#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game#but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory#and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory#who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years#(ruin was mimic basically the whole time#doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally#after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly#i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of#gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books#for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game#or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know#my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate#i can hope though#i could be so cool#but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn#pandas.txt#pandas talks#poll#thoughts#pre hw2 dlc#jic
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oooooo rue and gortash saying how theyre going to tadpole his parents together. planning to make it a little date. the wretched children finally standing up to those who were horrid against them
only for rue to disappear. and now gortash has to do it alone
what started as something they could laugh about has now turned into anger and grief and rage because he has to face them alone. and i think the plan would be completely different.
rotating post-durge-disappearance gortash around in my head right now
#bg3#enver gortash#the dark urge#how many other plans were altered because rue left? or died? or wherever she is?#he scribbles out “us” and “we” in his schemes#im very much in the camp that the repressing of his grief causes it to manifest in other ways#(haunted)#and i think its such a fun idea that even tho he looks alone. the ghost of durge is plaguing him#making the sly comments still. no one else can hear them#got a scene where gortash compares his grief to how ketheric mustve felt and for the first time he actually understands the old man#im just yapping. shut me up if you must#i cant wait to write this
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literally dont know how to show my face at work tomorrow after the shitshow of the weekend arghhhh *head in hands* i am handing in my notice tomorrow since ill see the stand in sort of temporary manager but i also need to tell him i cant work the entire 4 weeks notice or at the very least not all the weekends or every shift is gonna end up with my shaking and crying but also the thought of trying to tell him that makes me want to shake and cry lol especially cuz hell try and insist that i have to work the 4 weeks and ill have to be like well i would just have to call in sick then and hell be mad at me for the rest of the shifts i have which will make me even more unfunctionably anxious. literally never want to show up to the store ever again i am going to have some sort of nervous breakdown
#i cant wait to be unemployed for a couple of weeks so i can have some time without everyone looking at me all the time i hate customers#hopefully not too long tho cuz i need to pay my extortionate rent lol#also refusing to get another customer service job at least for a while. hoping i can just get some sort of cleaning job where i can#be left alone#how do people cope with lifeeee#when jobs are so all consuming and humiliating and stressful and shit#a-yao how do you cope customer servicing all the time baby boy you are so strong and brave
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the miserable angry person I become when I haven't eaten is, in a word, atrocious. it is 9pm I have not had my dinner murder is about to be on the menu if I don't fix this soon
#i spent. SO LONG (5min) trying to iron a shirt that would NOT be ironed#and then SO LONG (60 seconds) futilely trying to shove the ironing board closed (gave up and left)#and now i want to CRY because i CANT STAND INDECISIVE YOUNG MEN#what is going ON in your BRAIN if you would COMMUNICATE i might UNDERSTAND!!!!! WHAT is the struggle WHAT is going on#if you were INTERESTED as so many people have CLAIMED YOU WERE why didn't you SAY anything why didn't you DO anything!!!!!!!!!!#LIFE IS LITERALLY SO SHORT WHAT IS GOING ONNNN I CANNOT SIT HERE WAITING FOR YOU FOREVER I CANNOT !!!!!#they said it might be because you had qualms about long distance. BOY I WOULD'VE GIVEN LONG DISTANCE AN ENTHUSIASTIC SHOT#not to be like. once again i am the one more interested i am the one so ready to open my heart i am the one more invested#but like. dude. we live in an age of technology. if you want to get to know me. TEXT ME I'M LITERALLY IN THE SAME COUNTRY!!!!!!!#also what a day this has been. i agreed to teach sunday school (i am burned out and felt dread the whole time and then after i said yes)#and then socialized with too many people and then spent about 2 hours commuting and then came home and watched a romcom#that was happy that made me sad because it was happy. i too would like to be treated tenderly and pursued intentionally for once. anyways#in the same day one friend got engaged to her best friend and one friend got involved with a horrible boy and the whiplash was Horrendous#also if you cant tell i am indeed on my period and feel like too much and not enough lol i need to be alone for a little while
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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they’re gay your honor
#dude this manga is awesome#i finished the released chaps in one day#and then i cried#anime and manga#the summer hikaru died#more like the summer i realized i was gay for my best friend and the monster that’s not really a monster but he inhabits his corpse#DUDE ITS SO SAD YOSHIKI CANT GRIEVE BC EVERYONE STILL THINKS HIKARUS ALIVE#AND THE FACT THAT HIKARU DIDNT WANT YOSHIKI TO BE LEFT ALONE#i’m losing it#oh my heart#the gays are at it again#lgbtq#i think#its hinted kinda that yoshiki and not dead hikaru liked each other before the accident#i can’t wait for the next chapter
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bepo "i have to grieve over my brother but my husband is back from his personal little war and I'm way too happy about that so i'm crying out of happiness instead" of the mink tribe
when something happens but you are already entirely occupied with a much bigger thing - and its crazy that law going off on his "i may not return, sorry" mission alone - WAS more important to bepo in the moment than learning about the death of his brother...
because realistically he kinda lost his brother when zepo left when bepo was 8. he just vaguely held onto hope of possibly seeing him again. learning that big mom killed him took away that possibility and that's all that bepo lost
meanwhile law is bepo's whole life....he lived with law for his conscious years as a teen and adult, and even in simple numbers he lived with law for longer that he lived on zou
i'm absolutely reading too much into the bad writing and shoddy development of bepo& zepo's story, filling the giant gap all by myself but i like that it being underwritten aids to lawbepo. and i love the simple brutality of it
#no point to make really#sorry to be insane and TMI but its like when in april i bumped and scratched another car in the parking lot on my 3rd day of owning mine#but it happened a couple of weeks after my mother died#so i was like yeah sure ok. completely numb#in bepos case zepos death is the mazda that i scratched#plz clap its funny#talk tag#anyway i love bepo chan sm law has to fuck him so hard he bleeds from the nose from overheating#adrenaline from having his goal accomplished has left his body but its filled with refreshed appreciation for things in his life#cora san gave you this life to be happy#your family wouldnt want you to be alone#and you fullfilled their wishes you made a family of your own!!!!#they love you so much#and bepo loves you the most#and he waited for you like you told him#because hes reliable and wonderful like that#you gotta destroy his ass for it come on....he was so stressed out he cant stop crying just looking at you#give him smth to cry about (in a sexy and good way)#these tags are a mess#lawbepo#death mention tw
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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God I wish I didnt get ostrasised by all but like 4 of my peers because holyfucking shit am I overworked and need a hug
#why cant everyone just be nice like for fucking real!!!!#so sick and tired of looking like Mother Theresa compared to my coworkers bc i do the bare minimum of making the residents feel cared for#like girl we are working with the same cast and crew#will never forget the time a cna came in and after telling them 'hey that guy will get seizures if you give em that' and they replied with#'well they get seizures regardless' AND LEFT#EVIL!!!!!!#andlike#i understand that not everyone has the same memory capacity/ability but oh my motherfucking god#if everyone around me is at baseline then i must be either God or the absolute perfect person#which is saying something bc ive genuinely killed quite a few braincells with my former [redacted] addiction but here i am#knowing the smallest things about everyone that makes em happy#and the thing is is that I WORK IN THE KITCHEN!!!#IM NOT A CNA/RN WHO AT ALL HOURS OF THEIR SHIFT WILL BE INTERACTING WITH THE RESIDENTS!!!#idk man if i were generally mentally n physically well in my 30+s AND gettin outshined by a 21 year old for the past 2 yrs id be embarrasse#cannot fucking wait for my mom to get a job so i can leave mine and take a break#tony speaks#and before anyone says 'the CNAs are overworked and some of the residents can be overwhelming!'#the residents know im nice so they come to me for fucking EVERYTHING!!!!#ESPECIALLY the overbearing ones!!!#AND ON TOP OF THAT I HAVE LITERALLY EVERYONE. STAFF AND RESIDENTS.#ASKING ME WHATS GOING ON WHEN IM BALLS DEEP IN THE AM AIDES BULLSHIT ON TOP OF THE MORNING COOKS#not only do i ghostrun the kitchen but im the guy everyone goes to for everything. regardless of department#im literally a kitchen aide with no further qualifications leave me the fuck alone and ask your superiors/managament FUCK!!!!!!!!
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creon and ismene bottom text
#oh to be a fly on the wall after the end of antigone to see what their dynamic is like#only two bitches left standing in the mass death of the family tree! i know theyre unwell!#AND i know they are NOT letting each other out of their respective line of sight. you cannot kill yourself old man you cant leave me alone.#fucking. waiting for godot where godot is explicitly the sweet embrace of death.#antigone
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when i'm eating dinner at the table peacefully and some bitchass keeps talking TALKING TALKING LIKE OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! is this what horror feels when killer keeps rambling at the dinner table without shutting the fuck up please sew your lips shut unanesthetized
#this is a bit on the ehhhh....... bit on the violent side triglycercule!#yeah i know :3#i have a lot of rage in my heart#dinner was RUINED actually (i simply left because i got too damn pissed)#SHUT UPPPPP!!!!!!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE STILL BE EMPTY BE FUCKING NOT ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#horror is always angry when i talk about him because he is how i get my anger out#TRUST 🤞#i have 3 moods and they are all represented by the murder time trio. which is not very good actually uh#i HATE HATE HAAAATE. when people keep on talking to me during dinner#leave me alone GAWWWWWDDDDD GOD stop INTERRUPTING my peaceful mindless task#when i EAT i want to EAT like a brainless cow nibbling on grass OK. LET ME BE CATTLE#dinner is frequently interrupted between those 3#dust has learned to eat food in a seperate room but not far enough that he cant hear what the other 2 r saying#horror still eats @ the table because it is the principle of food ok he wont have it tainted even if killer and dust are annoying#killer doesnt even eat the damn food (barely) but he just sits there because what else can he do#eat on the roof???? he already tried that it didn't do anything cool for him#i love that i actually got so genuinely mad and then when i went 2 my room i was like#wait! this is so mtt core! this is so them! and once again i remember what anger feels like so i can think about them!#when i feel negative emotions and i get to be like yeah.... yeah...... the murder time trio felt this one particularly well#its hard to get sad or angry now because when i do im just like wait wait how can i tie the trio into this#was crying then i remembered that dust felt grief too and now i know a part of him a little bit better now#was confused at other people's emotions and then i remembered oh shit killer strugles with this too! i know what he feels like a bit now!#triglycervule youre so funny and cool. why thank you. i have to go to spanish class now with only a half filled stomach#unsatisfied. unfulfilled. this is what horror feels but probably on a worse scale#tricule rant
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I'm sorry for my posts today, I guess the stress from the entirety of September was piled too high and is collapsing onto my head. I'm just so tired y'all....
#the dentist office in town offers walk ins so i COULD go tomorrow but two peoblems#i cant afford to do a payment plan. after sending rent and bills im left with barely enough for any groceries needed.#i can get maybe 5 things if im lucky#also im scared. im scared to go alone. its too short notice to ask my friend to pick me up and take me. i cant do that to him.#so do i just wait until i can afford the 120$ insurance plan and risk the infection getting worse or spreading#or do i go and risk not beinf able to pay the bill and get into yet another debt#i dont think i even wanna do this for me#all i can rhink about is my niece and how is she supposed to have a good like when im the only one with decent credit#thst could get a house with a yard and her own room#whos gonna be the one to take care mom amd dad if i bite it yknow? because thats my biggest responsibility#taking care of two disabled adults bc one cant works bc hes legally blind and the other cant get approval to work from her heart dr#their ssi could decrease or lower at any point in time as demonstrated multiple times this year alone#so yeah im only doing the right thing and at least TRYING to see a dentist for their benefit and not mine#my benefit is i continue to live with slightly healither teeth? no because id rather let myself deteriorate into nothing#but i dont the choice because i have people depending on me financially and i cant fail because if i fail things worse for them#and if things get worse for them its just another one of my fuck ups#sometimes i wish i just burned in the house fire in 2008#talkies#vent
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thinking about how my mom not only tracks my phone location, but also has specifically marked out all of my classes, library, dorm, and dining hall on the map. i get that it's for safety reasons but i feel like that's too much. like... idk, i'm in college and i'm still constantly being monitored. like i get it, but also maybe i don't want to constantly be tracked down to the exact building i'm in and sidewalk i'm walking on.
#boink#vent#am i going insane about this#like genuinely am i wrong about this one#i dont know#it's just really uncomfortable#i really#really cant wait to be an adult#a real adult#i deleted the phone use monitoring app when i moved into the dorm last year and im glad that i got away with that#but i know i wouldnt get away with turning off the locating thing on my phone#let alone deleting it entirely#which to clarify i dont want to do#i just think that the extent to which im being monitored is unfair#and like its not as if its there as a precaution for certain circumstances#like my mom will text me like every other regular school school day like why are you here now why havent you left your dorm etc etc#like ik im not a full adult but im also not a kid#i just am always being watched#and i genuinely feel like im never gonna actually be able to stop it from being like that#i thought college would be that for me#and it is#not.
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