#i cant treat him that way . its not fair

[gophergal]

Life on the farm

[dukeofthomas]

I will forever maintain that Jason would've been fine and Not a vigilante without Bruce making him Robin

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

[satuurnos]

I need to stop dragging the dead weight forward 😔

[miiversian]

randomly feel like going scorched earth with vchuuber fanart now. lol ! (disclaimer this is a 4 am post, mostly stemming off me realizing im losing my old passion & interest in the funny vee chuubers)

its mostly just cause i was more interested in their personas' lore than the actual streams/streamer in the first place... so seeing everyone get excited and hype over big events and me not being able to share that hype anymore (mostly due to my oshi retiring & the big group dynamic changing) has been crazy alienating

tldr never interact with a big fanbase worst mistake of my life. the discourse is fucking crazy lmao

[jaal-ama-daravv]

dissecting the mortal emmrich argument scene (all routes)

dissecting the graveyard scene dissecting the mortal romance path scene how I think an argument reconcilation scene could've went emmrich x rook cinematic (mortal)

lich version dissecting the alternate romance path dissecting the argument scene (lich path) mortal vs lich romance path emmrich x rook cinematic

Emmrich Volkarin - Dissecting the Mortal Argument Scene

welcome back dearies

lets not dally with this one and get right into it -

starting strong with emmrich reviewing his will and testament/s -

important, but not yet, so do go on -

the emphasis on will tells us alot. coming from a storyboarding background, its easy to see why the emphasis was put on will. emmrich chose mortality, and will thereofre face death head on, as will rook. but due to rook being younger than emmrich (in any capacity), emmrich states that rook will outlive him. now he hasn't said it yet, but his fear is about to rear its head. keep in mind throughout all of this that this man is scared of how much he adores you.

but in the same sentence, we've got, "You've... grown to mean much to me..." - head over heels in love, rip my heart out and serve it to you in a platter, my heart, body and soul is yours type o' love.

I just wanna shake him, oh i just wanna shake him like a bag of treats, but very aggressively. he is so obviously LYING, rook makes a comment earlier in the game about how he is a SHIT LIAR. it sounds the exact same. BUT, and I say but with a hint of 'ah -ha!', lets read between the lines -

I care for you Rook! Deeply. - man has never been down as bad as he is - emmrich has never felt love like this. But there are such years between us - shut up rn I shouldn't heap you with that burden - HERE. he knows that Rook loves him, he can feel it. I imagine between quests they hold eachother's hand as the read books together on the balcony. as they make tea. as emmrich shows rook his mothers recipes. emmrich knows rook loves him, he just doesn't realize can nor accept how much rook loves him.

bonus, BURDEN ME, Im begging you, to BURDEN ME.

DIVERGENCE

god it hurt to replay this scene 3 times

Path 1 - Please don't worry, Emmrich.

he also broke my heart by worrying because i too, love him

fuck this line. i love you but look, I get where emmrich is coming from, but no. no no no, no no. whats fair would the world to be ending and being able to spend every waking moment in eachothers arms, to spend the final moments of 'what if' craddling your insecurities and nurturing love. instead we at the end of the world, arguing, because both rook and emmrich are fucking terrified to lose eachother. something about 'being fair' to someone by 'leaving' them irks meeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

solid and appropriate response

moving on because i have nothing nice to say

get his ass

emmrich is shockingly, overthinking the concept of death. ya know, that thing that cant be soothed or mulled over, pierces his heart and shakes his core? that, thing. yes shockingly, overthinking it. i get both perspectives here. Rook just wants to be taken serously and not for their age gap to come between the love they have finally found. emmrich so scared out of his mind he's trying to avoid it entirely. if you want a really gutteral playthrough before point of no return, pick this. I did, on my blind playthrough, it was a mistake, i cried alot.

unfortunately, very valid on both statement, but also true on both statements. Emmrich is both worried about Rook and insecure about dying. because either way, he loses rook, he loses his time with her. in this line of dialogue, emmrich is vry concerned with burdening rook with his death and the grief that will follow. Rook essentially tries to calm him in the worst way possible and it escalates. im not a fan of this dialogue path at all as the "at your age" comment is so out of pocket.

Path 2 - I mean something to you!

if you were to of told me that the purple rook option is the 'nicest' in these scenarios, I would...not believe you at all. It's still painful, but it's not an 'argument?'

strong start ngl

mans immediately defensive, but his tone of voice isn't raised like in the other scenarios. its more poised with care through it, more 'ugh, yes, i care about you, but this is about death'

in this dialogue path rook attemps to 'waylay' emmrich, aka, distract him and change the subject to something nicer, more comforting. though unfortnately, for people with crippling anxiety, nothing calms the mind when its in black and white mode.

eh, not what I would've gone with saying rook but ya know. eve before a battle, tensions high. still not great

emmrich wants to discuss being a burden to rook and rook is just not having it, im kinda into it.

again rook is trying to waylay emmrich into realising that he is overthinking things. however, to emmrich, this is real, rook may as well be dying in his arms rn. thats how real his fears are. we think back to emmrich being a child and losing his parents in a collapsed building accident. its likely he was there, and survived.

hence why it is so very important that we remember that his romance confirmation is the question, what would my parents want for me? and the answer is HAPPY WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU.

he is so terrfieid of death, and you and I both know, that when you have such a fear, it is amplified by 14747% when it is someone you truly care for. let alone the type of connection these soulmates have.

emmrich desperately pleading to talk about being a burden to rook, and rook is still just going, 'no', youre my burden now.

wee woo, a winner in my books because rook is not insulting his very existence or dismissing emmrich.

rook knows that emmrich is scared and would rather talk to him about being SCARED, instead of him being a burden because she fucking loves him and would never leave him.

rook is just as scared as emmrich but in this path, is trying to level with him. this is probably the one path where it concludes and I dont have a clear answer on who said the worst shit. i dont think any of them did, it was just riddled with concern, and a lack of communication.

Path 3 - Love scares you.

Rook pointing out the obvious. blunt and to the point. I do love that Rook is able to identify this straight away

Emmrich, taken aback by the comment by Rook, because it's the truth. he is scared because he loves rook. both by actually loving her and by how much he loves her.

"I can't... at my age" Is what this line is meant to be.

But once again, and we have discovered in previous posts, Emmrich has never considered himself 'worthy' of this type of love. And now that he has the love he has craved for decades, he considers himself too old. most likely due to his belief ssystem morphing over time to, "if it hasnt happened by now, it never will" probably in his 30's. Thats almost 20 years of doubt. We know Emmrich has been in relationships and involved with others since then, but nothing that even comes close to what Rook and Emmrich have. Keep in mind as well that Emmrich hasn't formed a connection with anyone in several years and has solely focused on work (i.e., lichdom) because what else do you do when you have given up?

straight to the point again

reiterating that this is a hard topic for him - kindness in this situation would desecalate emmrich and calm his mind, but unfortunately the end of the world takes no prisoners

man is terrified of love and the grief and vulnerability that embodies it

ouch

ouch

Rook's defensiveness and frustration reaches an all time high. rook wants the love of her life to tell her that he loves her, and emmrich doesn't want to burden his love with the grief that will embody her for the rest of her days. rook walks away feeling defeated, with a hole in her heart. emmrich is left with his overthinking thoughts, and most likely spirals.

Conclusion

In their facial expressions, and I have slowed them down to each frame per second whilst analysing, and both Emmrich and Rook share the same process of emotions after Rook's final statement.

Both Emmrich and Rook start out with a cross look on their face, eyebros tilted, eyes squinted, portraying anger, which is covering defensiveness, which is a defense mechanism for being vulnerable. After Rook says their final statement, this line is what 'pulls them out' of their defensive trances, but its too late, the damage has been done. Their facial expressions switch to a more, 'oh, oh that was just said', it turns to regret. the over arching theme of the game. they regret what they said, and their pride wont let them budge rn. the argument scene is important to the romance considering what happens next in the game.

"We'll talk when we get home, Emmrich. I promise." (the reconciliation line before fighting ghil)

hit me like a frieght train that did when i found out we were in the fade for weeks. emmrich, canonically, cries alone and has cold sweats at night when he is upset. do with that information what you will. it definitely happened when rook was gone. Hence why it takes Rook dissapearing in the fade for several weeks for their walls to collapse completely.

god fight, stuck in the fade, emmrich meticulously searching for rook, crafting the fake dagger, pulling them out.

At the end of the scene, Emmrich looks frustrated and devastated. the type of facial expression where it is clear he wish that conversation had gone differently.

Emmrich has low self-esteem, there is no simpler way to put it. This is apparent in the way he holds himself, in his mannerisms, and the way he reacts to rook expressing romantic interest in him. As two examples, consider the date with Emmrich, "apart from the compliment of your interest?", and in two flirt dialogue lines, he responds stating that he is surprised rook has shown interest in him. he wants this love SO BADLY, but he is so scared especially with how much death is around them. but emmrich is braver than he believes. it just takes, almost losing rook for him to embrace it.

phew, what a rollercoaster. ill have the mortal romance scene break down for you in coming days ♥

[welldrawnfish]

So these last few days has been.. Turbulent. DIFFERENT

I think I may be a System? Infact I KNOW I am a system at this point, but Im also not ready to accept that. Well a part of me isnt, and the other parts of me are like… uh duh of course you are. 

*A system in this context refers to the collective consciousness under the DID / OSDD Umbrella, I dont know the correct terminology in all of this, so im so sorry If i I mess up. I don’t necessarily want to give myself a label, there's .. brain scans and stuff I can get to prove it. And I need those, thats the only way I know this is real. But for now, for my own mental health I am treating it as if it were.. “real “ And I dont really know… what to expect…? I want to find something, ANYTHING, on I guess.. Systems waking up? But I cant find it. So I’ll just do this here Im gonna dump out all our thoughts onto some comic pages and we will figure it out.  I had a bit of an awakening roughly.. 5 days ago, and for the sake of convenience gonna use Plural/System terminology - There are alters, I have met them, the have names and personalities and some of them are really fuckin annoying i just want to punch him in his TEETH

Anyways, since the alter awakening moment, my brain has been in TURMOIL parts of me accept this, parts of me dont, i keep feeling like my face is like shifted 2 inches to the right and everything gets fuzzy in the real world. Not that these alters have names like.. Files are getting sorted  into these proper figures and everything is getting explained and figured out. And its making me feel like I'm not me anymore?

Like I always would argue and barter and fight with my own thoughts, but that's the thing, they wer thoughts, voices in my head with just like, distinct personalities. I just saw it as a different part of me?? Figured that was normal.

But now they are.. stronger ? OR maybe because i'm more aware of them and the personalities I can tell whos out now and like.. Obviously they are happy to get some facetime with the world properly?? But like.. Am *I* just aware of it, aware of them now, aware that it is not just *I* but *We* and so noticing it more, I'm resisting even harder? We feel more fractured than ever.

I have a good friend helping me out, another system, I owe them everything, maybe my life. (PLEASE FOLLOW @transpanda-1 BTW THEY DESERVE IT) They had a few amazing tips, but I cant keep bugging them about every anxiety on my mind thats not fair, so I’ll ask the whole community.

I guess what I want to know is.. Like is this normal? Do all systems go through this? What should I expect in the future and how do I make this more streamlined and stop.. Fighting it? I guess?

I thought I finally had myself figured out, just be the girl who makes the funny relatable trans comics… it was simple.

[aliaology]

SO AMERICAN (short)

SUMMARY: in which holtzy and you are dating, and you are very much in love with him

PAIRINGS: alexander holtz x fem!hughes!reader

WARNINGS: none just fluff :)

driving on the, right side road. he says im pretty, wearing his clothes. and hes got hands that, make hell seem cold. feet on the dashboard, he’s like a poem i wish i wrote. i wish i wrote.

you were the prime example of ‘passenger princess’ but in your very own car. i mean— it wasn’t necessarily your fault that you weren’t the best suited to drive in the city. no no— it was jacks because all he did was drive you and luke around.

but your brother was not the one driving. no, it was your boyfriend who was. you also never understood why he loved to drive your car. but the actual reason was because it was so… you. and he loved that.

your feet were propped on the dashboard, notebook and pen in your lap and hand as you mindlessly scribbled words together. alex’s hand was on your thigh, the warmth from his hand spreading throughout your body like a wildfire.

his fingers traced lightly on your bare thighs, pinky almost sliding up and hitting your shorts with every move he made. the bumps in the road made it so his hand would lightly hit your skin.

your eyes were averted to the pen and paper as you eagerly wrote down word after word, his hand squeezing your thigh every few minutes.

as he squeezed your thigh one more time, you looked over to him. he was the epitome of a love poem and you wished you were the one to write it. with a soft smile on your face, you leaned closer to him and placed your lips onto his cheek.

and he laughs at all my jokes, and he says im so american! oh god, its just not fair of him to make me feel this much. go anywhere he goes, and he says im so american! oh god, im gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. i might just be in la-la-la-la-love.

you two were at a restaurant, smiling at each other. you spoke, hushed and quietly, almost with embarrassment. your words caused him to burst with laughter, hand slapping over his mouth as his shoulders shook.

his reaction caused you to giggle, a bright smile on your face. the smile would quickly turn to one of embarrassment when you ask a waitress for a meal— one that you have trouble pronouncing. and he laughs as the waitress leaves.

you had a frown on your face— not one of sadness but one of ‘are you kidding me?’

alex snorted as he spoke, “you are so american.”

feigning a look of offense, your eyes narrowed slightly, giving a look of hurt. this just caused alex to chuckle more before grabbing your hand and pressing a small kiss to it.

“how about we just get out of here instead? i think i’d very much rather eat in.” he suggested.

and so you went wherever he did. you ditched the restaurant. you ditched the fancy dinner, and you went home. when you got home; you both eagerly sat on the couch and just watched a movie.

god im so boring, and im so rude! cant have a conversation if its not all about you. the way you dress and, the books you read. i really love my bed but man its hard to sleep when he’s with me. when he’s with me…!

you sat with your friends, picking at your nails as they spoke. their conversation being something about style— something about clothes. you weren’t too interested, you weren’t even talking.

“anything to add, y/n?” one asked.

you shrugged. “i don’t know— style wise i really like alex’s and maybe i’m just biased but it seems super comfy. shockingly he also has a great taste in books and—“

“girl all you do is take about your man!” your friend cut you off.

another friend piped up, “can’t say i blame her. i mean we’ve been friends for what? seven years? in that time frame shes had one boyfriend and he kinda sucked. if i had a man treat me the way hers does, i’d be plastering that everywhere.”

your last friend shrugged. “i get it— honestly i want to hear more about this guy. she talks about him but its never enough because someone interrupts her.”

“its fine— all you really need to know about him is that he treats me very well, and i love him.”

after your little get together with your friends, you made your way to your apartment. the sun was setting and you wanted to lay in bed. but as soon as you got home, locked up and went to your room and saw your boyfriend, you knew for a fact you wouldn’t be going to sleep.

i apologize if its a little too much, just a little too soon. but if the conversation ever were to come up i don’t wanna assume this stuff. but aint it rough? think im in love!

[yoonsdoll]

a love worth waiting for - chs

content : bsf!vernon x f!reader ; a lil angsty but fluff & happy ending ; 1.5k words warnings : vernon curses like 2ce lol - you are the most important person to vernon, but is it requited? an : i keep going on random writing hiatuses for no reason even tho i have so many ideas idek someone sos!!

vernon has loved you ever since he met you. as cheesy as it sounds, its something he cant deny whenever his friends ask him about, something he rants for hours about to his sister, something he finds himself thinking about more often than not. 

he remembers it like it was yesterday, even if its been years. it was an unusual meeting; seeing a pretty girl on a walk in the middle of summer would usually be normal, if only he didn't trip on a rock and land awkwardly conveniently on your path… and then make a comment on how his sister has the same shoes as you as if you’d care.

but you did. you made sure he was okay and laughed at his comment, then blabbered something about how your boyfriend has a similar hat to him. and, oh. he should've seen that coming.

of course he should have. such a put together, sweet girl would obviously have lines of guys lining up at her feet (or falling, in hansols case). but that didn’t matter - you only just met, you’d probably become friends if he asked for your number, that would be enough for him.

and for the first few months it was enough. you hit it off great, messaging each other often and even hanging out occasionally… well, when your jackass boyfriend let you. he hated your boyfriend - no, despised him. it wasn't even a case of jealousy; more of a genuine worry, at least for a while. he made it vocal on how he doesn’t like how your boyfriend controlled your life, but obviously supported your choices anyway. who wouldn't? you became his best friend, he would do anything to see you happy.

behind the worry he presented, vernon was stuck.

“i don't get it, why would she be with him if he's so.. controlling and mean?” everyday he called his friends.

“she literally looks unhappy, i feel bad and.. i dunno, angry... is that stupid?” everyday he talked about it, about how he wants to help you and, well, about you. “shes so… nice and pretty and forgiving. dude, he really doesn’t deserve her.”

until one day, “i could treat her better.”

he accepted it. he knew it wasn’t fair, for him or for you. everything leading up to that moment that he did, he thought it was simply sympathy. he put on this friendly act to not hurt your feelings, but maybe it was to not hurt his own. you wore your heart on your sleeve. it was obvious you were in love with your boyfriend, not him. and no matter what he did, that wouldn’t change.

soon you noticed the same things that vernon begged you to see in your boyfriend for a very long time. the gaslighting, restrictiveness, the bored attitude, and when you drifted apart it was only a waiting game till you broke it off.

vernon was surprised that the way his eyes sparkled when you came to cry to him didn’t give him away. truthfully, he couldn’t care less about the way it all went down or what he told you while you broke up with him. what mattered was that you were out of the situation you were blinded in. 

“he was a fucking dick,” no brainer, “its unfair - y'know, someone you love being out of reach.” those words sounded awfully familiar.

actually, maybe to him what mattered more is that he finally could reach you.

“i still love him,” you mumbled between your tears as vernon cooed at you.

he should've seen that coming too, and he couldn’t blame you at all - ever. but why did it sting so much more than the first time?

when he searched for your laugh after making a joke, you were laughing out of pity. when he comforted you, you weren’t thinking about him and how he was always there for you, instead you were thinking about yourself. when home to him was wherever you were, home to you was wherever your ex boyfriend was.

you just lost someone so dear to you and he was being so selfish. 

you two breaking up should've been the greatest thing he has heard in months, but instead he suddenly couldn’t help but feel like there was a bigger wall between you both than ever. 

of course, you never had feelings for him in the first place. vernon knew that. but something in him always held onto the possibility of you ending up together. not anymore, not after those four words left your mouth. he felt stupid for ever even having hope.

he paused to think before he spoke - something he rarely ever did when he was with you. “i know you do.” shaking his head gently, he added, “your heart just got broken, its a fresh wound, of course you still love him.” did everything he say have to apply to him too? it was almost humiliating in a way.

“its embarrassing… im the one who broke it off, i shouldn’t like him.” right, you felt it too.

at the end of the day, no matter who he was to you, you recognised him as someone you could trust. you spoke your thoughts freely, you were always by his side, you were his best friend; thats something vernon failed to see. he understood now to expect nothing but appreciate everything. because after all, being your friend would always be enough for him.

vernon promised himself he wouldn’t do or say anything stupid for your sake. he knew breakups are tough, and he knew that feelings don’t change in a day. he loved you, so he never would blame you for anything negative you made him feel. he wouldn’t blame you because you didn’t know.

or so he thought.

because months later when you arrived at his door looking more nervous than usual with a small smile on your face, vernon couldn’t be more confused.

“its almost 11pm.. what’re you doing here…?”

you let yourself in, setting your shoes aside and placing your coat on the hanger before grabbing his hand and dragging him to the couch to sit down.

“is it true?” 

“...is what true?”

“is it true that you have feelings for me?”

was that a trick question? “i mean..” he cleared his throat with a harsh cough, leaving the room silent for a few moments that felt like hours. “is that really what you’re doing at my house at 11 in the evening?”

“stop it. stop avoiding the question. just answer me.” 

“where’d you even get that idea from? dude i mean, you’re my best friend so if you’re asking -”

“you know what im asking..” your hands felt clammy, suddenly regretting knocking on the door after debating if you should for a solid 5 minutes. “i’m.. not mad or anything.” you added.

this was the million dollar question. he felt scared. “ha..” he couldn’t help but scoff to himself, “yeah.” though his tone tried being confident, the lack of eye contact and leg jittering was enough to see how nervous he truly was.

“im… so sorry,” you stared at him with your nose slightly scrunched - a detail he noticed whenever you were upset. “what? sorry? pfft.. theres nothing to be sorry for.” you figured he’d say that.

“im sorry for not noticing it earlier. i feel like an idiot.”

“no.. i feel like the idiot.” he quickly butted in, trying to take the blame, “you shouldn’t have to ‘notice’ anything. i should have told you ages ago so we could get past… whatever this is. i was just being a pussy and i -”

you admired his dedication to try explain but decided to stop him. “no vernon, im sorry for making you wait.” 

making him wait? “what are you even talking about? you didn’t do anything i swear…”

“maybe you really are the idiot..” you suddenly smiled a little wider, catching him off guard, “i meant i'm sorry for not noticing my feelings.. for you.. earlier.”

if he was confused before, he was now completely dumbfounded. the frown on his face wiped into a completely new expression. one of certain shock and hope, but with an equal amount of doubt. 

“agh..” you groaned in fake annoyance, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment, “i’m telling you that i like you too.”

oh. for once, he didn’t see that coming.

“are you serious?” he mumbled out, struggling to process the consumed information, a million things going through his mind.

“no im lying.” you tilted your head, “obviously im serious, why else would i be here?”

“you’re right.. i don’t know why i said that.” he nodded, a smile forming on his own face, “im just… at a loss of words dude.”

he let go of a breath he didn’t notice he was holding, sighing from relief as he looked at you. no more words were exchanged before he moved closer to hug you. a hug of love, ease and joy.

“so.. can i be your boyfriend?” he whispered in a happier tone than before, the previous fear moulded into delight.

“yeah. i’d like that a lot.”

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[magpod-confessions]

I feel like the way some of the fandom treats Jon is unfair and tbh borderline ableist. It's not his fault that he got hooked on statements by Elias/Jonah, it's very clear that he was being manipulated into it from the beginning. And even once he starts having to take live statements, he doesn't want to have to! He canonically hates that he has to do that to people for sustenance, but that compulsion isn't within his control.

Like c'mon. It's very heavily implied that he becomes genuinely suicidal because of his self-loathing around this, and how the other people around him are treating him like a monster and demanding he "just control" something that he isn't actually able to. Which isn't to say that Basira/Melanie/Georgie/s5!Martin etc. don't have the right to feel that way/that their responses aren't understandable, but they still aren't fair to Jon.

Jon's existence such as it is might not be fair, because his presence does harm others unintentionally. But sometimes that's how things are, and it's equally if not more unfair for the others to act like he's just a monster who should be put down and is selfish for continuing to want to live and be healthy.

Honestly, it sort of feels like some of the fandom has ignored/forgotten that the situation Jon is in isn't unique to a horror story, and in fact has many parallels in real life (whether that be addiction, mental disorder/disability, trauma, etc.) and that to take the view of "well he should've just Not Done That Stuff, skill issue, anyways you can't blame the others for how they treated him" is not exactly going to make actual people who are/have been in situations like that feel welcome in fandom spaces.

🗣️ (but no pressure)

I yea. Agree! I feel you can definitely have a discussion abt how much control Jon has over his actions, but at the end of the day, Jon has been manipulated to hell and back. But I also feel that a lot of it comes from a place of 'If I was in his situation I wouldnt do that' which has some victim blaming undertones, but also hes a fictional character in a fictional setting, which definitely influences how ppl talk abt him. If someone irl talked abt being abused and manipulated, along with having their addiction/disability taken advantage of, even if that same person would go on and on abt how 'The persons actually fine and its my fault' ppl likely would be very kind and take the situation very srsly, which isnt the same kind of reaction ppl have towards Jon, due to him being a fictional character - rosette

yeah i. heavily agree with this too anon. im way too tired to put any true thought into this like rosette did but yeah. people really dont take jons situation serious, and this extends to other characters in the series as well. the fandom doesn't often think further about avatars past 'haha they have to serve a dread power and they cant do anything about it' . - deceit

[soomanymoths]

"Trying to destroy them" is such a hyperbolic statement (very on brand for crink). Im not destroying anyone - im fully in my right to be transparent about how i was mistreated. If you dont want to have bad things said about you - dont do bad things. Crinkle did a lot of fucked up things. And no, this is not some distant past. Only very recently did crinkle apologize to his wife for cheating and actually showed any kind of shame over his behavior towards her. He continues to lie and try to cover for himself in regards to how he treated me. "Wild things" 100% real things that i have proof for... and honestly what i shared pales in comparison to some other shit crinkle pulled during all this :') Idk what u mean by checking tags - feels like u misunderstood / didnt read correctly tbh? I always knew what fic i was reading! The explicit nature of the fic was NEVER an issue for me. The issue was that both Crinkle and Krys acted as if their brains leaked out in the discord server i made for several people - they used absolutely no content warnings, they roleplayed very explicitly anywhere they wanted while being fully aware Nightjarteeth (cr's spouse) is uncomfortable with SA, r*pe, etc. We had RP & NSFW channels for a reason - they didnt use them when it was appropriate. And while i personally have high tolerance, waking up and seeing discussions about a teenager being sodomized with a hot curling iron in a channel meant for selfies, pets etc. first thing in the morning was a bit much even for me. No warnings, no spoiler marking, nothing. Very cool and considerate /s. Honestly what you wrote just reads like you didnt bother to read what i put out - I stated my issues very clearly. But no matter, your choice to blindly believe whatever Crinkle peddles to their readers. It is pretty gullible though, for anyone to believe what he says based solely on the fact they like his fic. As you said - you dont know this person. But i do. His wife does. Two other irl's called out crinkle oh his behavior as well. The truth is not always pretty. Honestly the bottom line is that what Crinkle is doing / has done had real life consequences and that pales in comparison to me making fanart and asking questions. Both Night and I were severely hurt and mistreated in all this - it's unfortunate you're not willing to put it on the equal ground with whatever Crinkle and Krys say.

CrinklyTinfoil bs

Just a collection of receipts since krys decided to go ahead and spew such backwards bs im no longer willing to keep this to myself - i only did in the first place because crinkles spouse (nightjarteeth) asked me to keep it tucked away for a while (Night is aware of the events and supports me in the situation last i checked). Crinkle really hates the idea of their behavior backfiring & someone they hurt speaking about the experience. They will do anything to discredit people, doesnt matter if they caused the sitch in the 1st place. Its all about appearances, distorting events and grasping at straws for them. If you're their reader and you choose to believe them - remember they were comfortable pulling wool over the eyes of their spouse and someone they called a "dear friend". Ask yourself why anyone else would be exempt from this. I might update this when i have more time on my hands.

[aftonfamilyvalues]

how women on here are reacting to the boxing situation is the final straw for me with radblr tbh.

like imagine this scenario for a second: people are making false claims about you that you not only can easily disprove with a simple, uninvasive test, but you've ALREADY DONE said test in the past so you'd just need to ask them to publish the results. you can debunk these claims with the same amount of effort required to push a button.

but you don't. you have Literally The Easiest Option In The World to prove you're right and you don't do it.

and yet because women have created their own OC for this guy in their heads who is a female with androgen issues they'd rather defend their self-made blorbo as a way to peacock about how "yes all women" and/or "not racist" they are than do 2 seconds of research and critical thinking to realize "hey maybe this situation that fits literally all the criteria for the dude being a male, including the fact that he's been previously disqualified from competing in the women's league TWICE yet shows up for the Female Olympics anyway, means he's actually just a liar and cheater"

i'm open to having some sympathy for him if his parents (tried to*) raise him as a girl but like. he's a fucking adult. he took a sex test. he knows who he is now. he's making his own decisions. one of these decisions is choosing to hide who he is.

*idc how misogynistic his parents are in believing "no vagina??? but no penis. no penis = female. because female = non-male.", if they knew he had a male-specific dsd that coloured how they raised and treated him, even if they tried to hide it. the act itself of hiding it from him and trying not to raise him that way makes their treatment of him already inherently different from how they'd raise him if he were actually female.

link here

im going to try to go about this in the most respectful way possible.

i cant say i agree with everything youre saying here. theres still a lot of misinformation about this and i cant say a slatz tweet is very satisfying for me given the racist and homophobic things ive seen from her. but, if what you say is true, that this boxer is an intersex male who was assigned female at birth, i think its completely unfair to treat her entirely as a man. the community tends to regard itself as a place for intersex women too, those with this particular dsd were not spared misogyny just because they unknowingly had xy chromosomes. learning they are biologically male with a dsd doesnt mean they have a desire to completely restructure their lives and identity around being men, i think thats kind of insane to expect.

that being said, i think there needs to be a reevaluation of fairness in sports and how intersex people fall into it. what advantages or disadvantages do intersex women carrying a y chromosome have over those that dont? what male charactistics (bone density, for example) still exist in these women? do they pose a danger to other women in their sport? what about other intersex conditions? at what point does it become unfair? unfortunately it could lead to their exclusion, and if that happens will there be another place for them? theres a lot to consider and things will have to change as we learn more. its not really a black and white situation in my opinion.

[myreblogssss]

i didn't realize how fucked up everything got with the Nex Bennedict story. I was pissed when I found out a little while ago that they were a nonbinary 16 year old that got beaten to death. but I thought that there was no way the people who hurt them would walk away with no consquences. then I found out that to some people Nex was out as trans and I was even more pissed his life was taken because it hadn't even really started. now I find out he didn't die because he was beated. he died because all the shit that they put him through (because you know that if it gets to the point where someone beats the shit out of you they've been saying things for a long time and you can only imagine what they're saying as they beat the daylights out of you) that after getting attacked he took his own life. the assholes won.

guys.

im fucking 17. I'm queer. I'm not even a full year older than Nex. he's fucking gone and its not fucking fair that we live in a world where that is okay. where he is blamed for his fucking death. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. no. NO. something needs to change. something has to happen. this cant be the world anymore. people my age cant kill other people my age for being who they are. we're supposed to be the woke generation. what the fuck is wrong with humans treating other people with respect. someone tried to kill Nex and they fucking succeeded. it is not his fault he's dead. its theirs.

[that-starry-freak]

Okay, wow, uhm-

This is my rant about Eclipse x Solar x Nexus i keep saying ill do. Sooo- yeah. If you don't like it, just scroll. Or block me i don't give a shit- im just ranting about what I like *shrug* (btw this is 95% for/about my tol au, so-)

Cw i do mention abuse a few times, because of Solar's Moon, dark sun, etc.

God i love these three so much. There's just so much potential, both angst and fluff (and a bit of smut but that stays in my head that is NOT going on my blog)

Like Solar and Nexus are both such needs and idiots. They both stay up late working, and insist the other one goes to bed (Eclipse ends up having to drag them both to bed).

They love working on projects together. People arnt usually allowed int he workshop when their working together, because if they have each other they don't need anyone else to help or anything- but they let Eclipse in once, and he got to see how they danced around each other and worked together perfectly.

They're all nerds who love science and mechanics tbh, but they all like it in different ways. Solar likes the hard work, the mindlessly fixing things. He liked the manual labour, the more mechanics of it. Nexus loved the science. He loves asking questions and learning knew things. He loves questioning things and people. He likes building and creating and testing out code. Eclipse likes the results. He doesn't particularly enjoy coding and building, it makes him frustrated, but he loves the results. He likes having a job well done. And getting to enjoy whatever the product is, whether its a computer or a basic machine.

Eclipse and Nexus can also understand each other. They can understand the expectation of who you're supposed to be. To be a remake of someone dead, but not really being them. Yet everyone expects you too. They've spent long nights sharing a smoke and ranting about how unfair it is. About how they weren't v1 Eclipse, or Moon. That they were themselves, and it wasn't fair people pressured them into being their predecessors.

Solar and Eclipse can understand what its like to be an eclipse. To come into this world with Moons hating you. To be called vile, to have a Moon laugh in your face. They may not have always liked each other, but they understand each other, its one of the reasons they became close.

Nexus can also help them both heal from their trauma of Moons. Plus, he isn't really Moon. Sure, he is a moon, coming from he dame basic code. But he isn't an old Moon. He's kinder, he doesn't blow up as easily. Its reassuring to them both, being treated so kindly to someone who pretty much abused them both (Eclipse didn't deserve how Old moon treated him when he came into this world.)

Eclipse and Nexus also know what its like to be left behind. Eclispe knows what its like to be left behind by Moon, to be a piece of code that he doesn't care about. Nexus knows what its like to hurt people and lose them. Yes, its different, but that doesn't mean they can't empathize with each others pain, because it is similar in a way.

solar and Nexus can understand each other's pain of losing someone you care about deeply. Of blaming yourself for their death. Of course. They dealt with it much differently, but still-

Eclipse and Solar both knowing what its like to die, comforting each other, reassuring them that they're still here. That they're alive. That they're them.

Enough about what they have in common tho-

like oh my goddd. I have so many thoughts bro-

Eclipse smells like cigarettes and leather and faintly of the vanilla candles Puppet lights in their apartment. Solar smells like grease and oil and sometimes chemicals when he cleans himself off (and then is forced to take an actual shower by Eclipse because cleaning yourself with harsh chemicals every time cant be good for your casing). Nexus smells like lavender (because thats the scent of the detegerant Sun always washes their clothes with) and faintly of bleach (consequences of living in the same house as Sun) and grease a lot after he's been working. The other twos smells are comforting to all three of them, reminding them that they're safe and content. Nexus eccpecially loves wearing Solar's clothes, and loves being in his arms, reminding him that he's alive. Thats he's right here. That everything is going to be okay.

And oh my god don't get me started on the forbidden love. The fact that Eclipse and Solar can't be in the same dimension till Eclispe gets a new dimensional signal. Solar and Nexus both crushing on Eclipse, but Nexus is the only one that can actually see them both, having to pass messages between the two. Of course they do eventually get to see each other again, but for so long they won't be able to. Its just.. sad

And AUGH im always going to be insane over rmy true loves kiss idea. The idea of Solar kissing Nexus out of desperation, because nothing he says can get through to him and ohmygod he's panicking- and somehow the virus he has just disappearing. The kiss curing Nexus, and bringing him back to his senses. And oh my god, the chaos and angst that follows. Nexus sobbing becuase of what he's done, feeling so guilty. The family not wanting to accept him back, Moon being the worst one-

Solar and Eclipse being the first ones to accept him. Later being Sun, Earth, and then Lunar. Maybe one day Moon, but thats a day far in the future.

And auggh, Solar and Moon's friendship. Moon hating his boyfriends but midly tolerating them for Solar's sake. Solar aclimating him to Eclipses, and he starts tolerating him a bit more. Hearing him say so many good things about Nexus makes him hate him more, though, insecure about Nexus being back in the family. Afraid of being replace.

Sleaking of being replaced, Nexus feeling like he's replaceable. That he's disposable. That one wrong move and he'll be thrown out again. Solar reassuring him that even if he is hell go with him. That he refuses to let Nexus be completley abandoned and manipulated again.

And god, all three of them have such communication, trust, and attachment issues-

Solar feels like he has to be useful to be loved. That he has to prove himself. That he could also be thrown out of the family because he's not from this dimension. He's afraid of being a burden. He's afraid that if he complains he'll be seen as a nuisance. That he doesn't deserve help or to get anything, that he barely deserves the celestial family as it is even if he does so much for them.

Nexus also feels like he has to be useful. That if he isn't, what is he for? What was his purpose if he can't help? He compares himself to Moon a lot, feeling like he has to match up to his standards, even if they're impossible. Moon has years and years of experience on him- he also struggles to talk about his own feelings. He bottled them up so much because he felt like they were stupid that he just doesn't know how to talk about them. The only time he can is in the middle of the night, and is usually with Eclipse. Solar will try to comfort him and almost baby him when he tries to rant to him, Eclipse will just complain and rant right back though, and he prefers it.

Eclipse didn't really ever have any healthy relationships. He's used to pushing people away and bottling all his feelings up. To lashing out at people. Yes, this version is much calmer, but he still has the memories of the ones before him. Hes still used to that being what Eclipses in this dimension did. He doesn't know how to talk to people. Earth helped him open up though, and Solar and Nexus helped him more. He's a lot calmer now, and it helps that they both enjoy listening to him rant. Solar will listen to him and gives advice, while Nexus will just complain with him in the middle of the night. He loves both, though it depends on the situation for what he wants to do.

Their relationship isn't perfect, though. Nexus will still sometimes yell and freak Solar out, and he has to frantically apologize while Eclipse calms him down. Eclispe sometimes will push them away, and will sometimes use their insecurities and trauma against them when hes frustrated eith them. Solar refuses to talk about his own issues, and it worried the other two to no end. Nexus sometimes will hit himself or bite himself to the point of denting his casing when he's frustrated or having a breakdown, not wanting to lash out at anyone, and this worries the other two so much but there's nothing they can really do to stop it, just comforting Nexus the best they can and restraining him when they see him doing it. Eclipse will be rude to Nexus, treating him like Moon, and they'll get into fights about it that they both always regret later.

The hallucinations Nexus suffers from also doesn't end. He still sees Solar telling him he isn't proud of him. He sometimes gets vivid hallucinations that Solar is still dead.

They also all suffer from horrific nightmares

Solar dreaming that he's still in his original dimension. That he's still being abused by his Moon. That he still has no one to love him. He has nightmares that he's still dead, that Nexus never got better. He has nightmares that he ends up like Eclipse, that he hurts people. He has nightmares that the family shuns him and kicks him out. He has nightmares that old moon shows up at his dimension again and he can't stop him this time, and he hurts him and everyone he loves.

Nexus dreaming of Solar still dead. Nexus having nightmares that he actually killed his family. He has nightmares that he's still under Dark Sun's control. He has nightmares that he never was saved from space. He has nightmares of Eclipse betraying and killing him, never having truly gone good. He has nightmares that the family kicks him out for not living up to their expectation, for not being good as moon.

Eclipse dreaming of Moon. Nightmares of Bloodmoon torturing him, of Moon hurting him, of Lunar killing him again. Nightmares of him betraying everyone, even though that's the last thing he wants to do. Nightmare of Earth hating him, of Solar an Nexus hating him.

They often have to comfort each other from these night terrors, holding them close as cooing to the and rocking them.

Solar panics and sobs when he wakes up from one, but refuses to talk about it. He shuts down once when calms down, and often gets up in the middle of the night after to mindlessly do work to get his mind off of it.

Nexus wakes up screaming and crying and often hallucinating. He ususally has to be restrained so he doesn't accidentally hurthimself. He always feels bad about it after, and just wants to cuddle and feel loved, reminding himself that his partners are here and they're real.

Eclipse wakes up in a cold sweat, quiet. Hell just sit there for awhile, before getting up to take a cold shower to clear his mind.

they all overwork themselves, Solar and Nexus eccpecially-

solar because he needs to feel useful. Also because working helps him not think, it helps him "relax", even if it stresses him out more.

Nexus because he'll get so caught up in what he's doing. He'll start working at like noon and he'll zone out and suddenly its midnight and Eclipse and Solar are coming down to drag him away from his lab. Or Sun, sometimes sun has to come after him.

They're just so sad and gay and such a polycule i love them <3

Im so normal about them, clearly (im sorry this is too long im not going to go through this and edit rn- there probaly really a lot of grammar errors and typing errors and spelling errors but im tired soo-)

[citrusinicake]

Day 2 :: Zombie Apocalypse

full text below

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go "oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me," which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those