#i cant talk about him without putting major TW all over it

[saederkrupps]

ok just doing these kinds of memes now and htis one. is really funny to me lol

[parkers-gal]

you dont have to write this if youre not comfortable doing it, but could you do something where the reader is toms girlfriend and is diagonsed with a brain tumor and starts forgetting things, like she suddenly cant remember his family anymore or that toms spider-man?

wc: 1.4k words - please READ WITH CAUTION. it's heavy tw // brain tumors, diseases, MRI's, crying, angst

requests are open

—

“And I’m telling you there’s something obviously wrong with her.” Tom was just on the edge of yelling at the doctor. You were sitting on the medical bed in the lonesome room.

One month of Tom being home was enough time for him to realize you were not the same person you were when he left for filming. You were quiet, more conserved, and a bit more curious than you normally were. But not in the sense that you were inquisitive about new things. No, you were forgetting what you already knew to be true.

“Sir, we just asked her a series of questions and she’s showing no signs of change.”

“Then that’s not enough, goddammit!” His fist slams down on the counter, startling everyone in the room.

“Please refrain from raising your voice, sir.”

“I won’t refrain from doing anything until you keep running more tests. Try- try something different if you’re not getting anywhere with these ones!”

The man, his tag reading Dr. Goldstein, offered a tense smile. He whispered something to Tom, something out of your earshot, and he nodded.

“I’ll be right back, okay baby?” He leaned close to your ear, leaving a gentle kiss under the lobe while you nodded. His fingers slipped from yours and suddenly you were alone in the room.

Goldstein brought Tom into a separate medical room, and Tom sat in one of the chairs provided while the doctor logged himself into the company database.

“Can you explain what you’ve been noticing? Your reason for being here?”

“She’s having a lot of headaches.” The doctor hummed, a sign for Tom to elaborate. He did. “She- she told me to bring home extra medicine but the headaches got so bad she had to call in sick for work. About three days later she was throwing up frequently. We took her to the local doctor but they said it was a stomach bug and it would go away.”

“And it didn’t?” Tom shook his head. “Is that all? Has she had any seizures?”

“No.”

“Does anyone in her family have a history of having seizures?”

“Not that I know of.” Goldstein looked at Tom through the tops of his glasses, eyebrows raised as he wrote all the information down.

“Has she had any memory loss, fatigue or sleeping problems?”

“Yeah, sleeping problems were big with the headaches. She- uh… she’s been forgetting things a lot easier now, too.”

“Do you know any of the things she’s forgotten? Anything major, that is.”

Tom scratched the back of his neck in thought. “I mean… she forgot her phone password once. A few hair appointments maybe, or a dinner reservation. I think the big one was when she forgot how to drive.”

“She forgot how to drive?”

“Not entirely, just a couple steps.”

The doctor clicked his tongue. It wasn’t calming Tom’s nerves. You, however, were swinging your legs back and forth as you waited patiently for someone to return. A nurse had come in to give you some water, which you gratefully accepted. You weren’t sure what was taking so long for Tom to get back; you were the one sick, afterall.

“We’ll have to run a few tests just to confirm anything, first. Can you make an appointment with the front desk?”

Tom nods, standing as the man leads him out of this room and into the one with you.

“Hey,” He breathes out. “You okay?” You nod, he hums with a small smile.

“Everything okay?” He nods.

“We’ll have to come back, though.” You frown but nod nonetheless.

**

Medical dresses reminded you of movies that would leave you crying for a happier ending. You felt like you were the movie, a camera in your face while family members cried because of the news.

You had just gotten an MRI-scan. Magnetic resonance imaging, as the doctor had put it. They explained everything to you in such detail that the information had flown right over your head. You drowned everything out, the only thing keeping you grounded being Tom and his voice.

You were still wearing the dress as the doctor came back in forty minutes later with his head hung low and your verdict on the slip of paper.

“Well?” Tom’s voice was eager, and not in a positive way. His hand was holding yours tightly as his nerves rose to an all time high.

Dr. Goldstein sighed as he sat in his rolling chair. “It’s called neurofibromatosis. It’s a tumor located in the prefrontal lobe. It’s a hereditary disease that can last a lifetime.” Tom physically deflates at the news. A tear slips from your eyes, but the doctor keeps going. “Though we just performed the biopsy, we can already tell it’s spread to the temporal lobe. We can predict it’s probably going to affect your spinal cord and your central nervous system.”

“Can… can it be cured?” Tom was so hesitant, so afraid he’d lose the one stable thing in his life. He was afraid of losing you, watching you slip through his fingers while he tried to hold on, grasp as much of you as he could. What he didn’t want to admit, though, was that you were already slipping, and his hands were already losing grip.

“No. But treatment can help prevent the spread.”

“Am I going to die?” Your shrill, quiet voice cuts the tension, asking the question everybody was afraid to know the answer to.

“The average life expectancy of a patient with your tumor is eight years.” He clicks his tongue and Tom scoffs.

“Eight years? Of what, chemo?”

“Sir, there’s no way to tell if it’s permanent or not. If the treatment goes well, it could die out without killing her. You’re lucky you’re still in the early stages.”

The drive home was quiet. You weren’t reacting the way Tom wanted you to. You were acting normal, and it killed him inside that you weren’t batting an eye or pointing out the elephant in the room.

“Can we go bowling tomorrow?”

“I have work tomorrow.” Tom sighs as he grips the steering wheel harder.

“Work…?” You look at him expectantly. He blinks

“We’re filming Spider-man 3 for the next five months.” He tells you almost irritatingly, as if he expects you to know his schedule better than himself. And you do. But not anymore.

“You’re an actor?”

When he pulls up to the driveway, he parks the car and looks at you strangely, as if a piece of his soul just washed away, lost to never be found again. He looks as if he’s about to cry.

“Sorry if you don’t like talking about work,” You say it defensively. “I just didn’t know you were an actor.”

“Love….” He sits back defeatedly, shoulders sagging. “Maybe Harry can take you bowling tomorrow instead. I need to talk to Jon about something.”

“Harry…?” You trail off as if he’ll fill in the blank to who this person is. Before he opens the car door, he stops to look at you again.

“My brother?” He’s soft as he tries to see if you’ll remember him. You don’t. “You don’t remember my brothers?”

“You have multiple?” The two of you step out of the car as you head inside.

“I have three.”

“I wish I knew them all.” Tom chokes on air.

“Y/N, you do know them.”

You watch as Tom’s figure nearly deflates again, and you pout. “I’m sorry.” He turns around hastily.

“For what?”

“I just… it feels like I’m not trying hard enough.”

“Baby… ” He pulls you into his chest as you gasp out a cry, sucking in a breath as new tears fall. Tom cries too, gripping you tightly as the salty waters flow out of the rivers, breaking the dams and flooding all around it.

“I’m so-” You whisper out between sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” He’s trying not to cry too loudly, too harshly. “‘S Not your fault.”

He feels you nod against him, and for the first time in weeks, he feels as if he finally has a grip on you again, as if he can pull you out of the drowning waters, let you come up for air before another wave crashes over your helpless body. For the first time in weeks, he feels like you might actually be his Y/N again. But you’re not, because as soon as you’re in his grip, he loses you again.

He just doesn’t want to see what happens when he loses his grip for good.

hello here’s part two <3

[that70sbitchsstuff]

Dolly

This is gonna be a pretty sad thought but I just had to write it down.

Tw: Major character death

In 1981 Jackie and Hyde have made a mends and got back together buttttt three months after their reunion she ends up pregnant.

After the initial panic and emotional turmoil they began to come to terms with the pregnancy and ended up feeling over joyed to meet their new bundle of joy, but around the time when Jackie was five months pregnant she had a bad fall down the stairs and was rushed to the hospital.

Thankfully the baby was ok but that didn't mean they where out of the woods yet.

As the pregnancy continued more and more issues started to come up and Jackie and the baby's health started declining fast.

Her water ended up breaking when Hyde wasn't around, She had to go into labour early without Hyde and tragically was given the horrfic option between her and the baby.

By the time he got there it was already to late and the decision was made.

"I..I'm sorry Mr Hyde but...she didn't make it"

" No no NO YOU'RE A FUCKING LIER SHES FINE SHE HAS TO BE FINE"

"...I'm so sorry we tried everything we could"

"NO YOU OBVIOUSLY FUCKING DIDN'T BECAUSE SHE'D STILL BE HERE IF YOU DID"

"N-no..you-you have to be ly-lying..I-i can't live without her, she-she's my Doll, My g-girl, My Life! For fuck sake I just got her back I CANT LOSE HER AGAIN"

"I.. can’t tell you how sorry I am Mr Hyde, I can't imagine how painful this is for you"

"Just..Just tell that the baby's ok, please dear God tell me she's OK!"

"Yes she made it but she's been put in the ICU"

"Take me to her"

"Mr Hyde I can’t-"

"TAKE ME TO HER"

When he seen her, his little baby girl for the first time he couldn't believe how small she was, how tiny and fragile she was, and how eerily that resembled her mother during the last months of her life.

When he held her he cried knowing his love would never know this feeling.

When he looked at her, it was like looking into a mirror, she had his hair, his celf chin but she had her mother’s diamond eyes.

Everytime he closed his eyes echoes from the past pulled him back to a time when she was still here, still laughing, smiling..Breathing.

He looked down into his arms, the arms that held the most vulnerable and precious life, and he seen her, his doll.

"You look so much like her...she loved you, you know, all she'd ever talk about was you.. her little Sweetpea"

"You're so tiny like one of those porcelain dolls your mama was so obsessed with...Doll..Dolly"

"What do you think about that name, huh? Dolly"

The newborn gurgled happily.

"Dolly....My little Dollface"

[wisherbysharlight]

WHAT IF... SANDERS SIDES BUT MAKE IT A TROPEY TEEN BEACH AU

Endgame!LAMP. Dukeceit, Remile

Just 2k stream of consciousness words from a plunny that grew legs TW for v slight underage drinking, one joking mention of violence, and a non-specific discussion of intrusive thoughts

-Janus has just moved there because his parents wanted to start a new "adventure" and he is a Stereotypical Teenager. Very "ugh MOM I wanna go back to my FRIENDS for my LAST SUMMER BEFORE COLLEGE"(most of his friends suck. He should not spend time with them. He does not know this)

His Parents buy him a surfboard and tell him to try it out as a way to get him to Shut Up

Hes a Skater Boy(cue music) so he picks it up super fast from like,,, youtube videos

 -He gets told to Get a Job if he wants to like, keep buying surf gear?

All the local kids work at like one restaurant/yacht club type place right on the beach

Janus gets hired as a host

 -Logan is a beach badge checker, Patton, Roman, and Remus are beachfront restaurant waiters but Roman just Really Wants To Surf, Emile and Virgil are Lifeguards, and Remy is a bartender

 -Janus is Very Good At Customer Service because Fake Smiles

Patton recognizes this Immediately

He shows him the Rage Closet which is a tiny room with an arm chair that locks from the inside where you can punch a pillow on your break when it gets to be Too Much

-Janus is Attached now and there is no getting rid of him

Patton Fully Endorses this and introduces him to the rest of the group

Janus Knows Immediately that LAMP is In Love but says nothing because he aint no snitch

-Remus surfs, but he also always wear a thong while doing it

Roman wears a full wetsuit and somehow still gets Board Rash. Remus is somehow immune and it infuriates him

 -Janus, not knowing that the twins live right on the beach cuz they are RichTM: Hey Ree I kinda wanna learn how to surf would you be able to teach me 

Remus, who religiously watches Janus surf every morning, but is absolutely willing to play this game: Yeah absolutely

Patton, later: “lets rinse off at the twins they’re right here” Janus: theyre.... What?!

 -Meanwhile, elsewhere, Virgil and Roman are double teaming Logan to drag him into the water with them cuz he’s pouting about losing a debate with their manager about how he didn’t really be mean to the dudebro who wanted to get his buddies onto the beach without paying, he was just enforcing the rules. And if the dude was so offended by Logan’s Very Accurate Dragging that he complained to management then, well, that’s his problem not Logan’s

 -Logan is never without a book. Ever. And its always a different book. Janus is starting to think he owns a library

One day he is just... reading a Physics textbook. Not taking notes or anything. Just reading. 

Roman is Very Very Alarmed by this because he is Gay and Math is Scary

"Roman I'm also gay that is not a determining factor"

"Yeah but you can't drive"

"...fair"

 -the first time janus has a shift with the twins, he cant stop staring, not just because hes like,,, super attracted to Remus but also because they are like Chaos Incarnate and yet somehow get the most tips??? He doesn't understand???

It's just cuz they are both Huge Flirts and Flatterers and the patrons dont care that they're not-so-subtly beating the shit out of each other right there on the dining floor because theyre just so charming

 -one of the bartenders gets aggressively snapped at by a customer and called "sweetheart" and before Janus can even begin to react Remy is there, sunglasses off, fire in his eyes, telling them to settle their bill and get the fuck out

Janus, used to City Restaurants- "Wont you get in trouble with the owner?!"

Remy, who knows Nothing Else But This- "What?? Not likely I only did it cuz Thomathy wasnt here to do it himself"

 -the restaurant is closed Monday and Tuesday so that is the Pseudo Weekend for the staff where everyone hangs out at the beach

Emile and Virgil take Tuesdays off but still work Monday’s cuz they feel better being the one watching over their friends

 -Roman, staring at Virgil on the lifeguard stand: ugh he’s so pretty I almost wish I was drowning just so he could give me cpr 

Janus: you wanna potentially get your ribs broken just for lip contact? 

Remy, staring at Emile on the lifeguard stand: listen, if that’s what it takes, I’ll take it

Remus, immediately going up to the lifeguard stand because he has 0 impulse control: hey my brother and cousin want you to break their ribs 

Virgil and Emile: excuse me?????

 -Patton will literally spend hours in the water. Logan physically drags him out to put sunscreen on him every two hours to the minute. Patton does not admit that he purposely "forgets" just so Logan will do so

Logan is Dark and has never used sunscreen ever but Patton is so pale and he just gets so concerned about him. Patton thinks its adorable

He has pages of research on proper spf determination.

Roman and Remus use spf 15 just on their faces and have never once burned in their lives

Logan wants to submit them for scientific study because that shouldnt be possible

Virgil calls Logan out on the fact that he also should be wearing sunscreen and Logan like... blue screens he cant believe in all his research he missed that

 -Patton is like... a ridiculously strong swimmer. Virgil still has a heart attack every time he goes for laps when there is the slightest hint of an undertow

Patton Knows This so he tries to stay in Virgil's sight line for the most part if there is an undertow. Or just dives over the waves again and again.

His nickname is Ariel. He thinks its just cuz of the swimming and the fact hes a red head. LAP all separately also tack on that its the swimming, the red hair, and the hnng pretty 10/10 would follow out to sea ala Prince Eric

 -first beach bonfire Janus goes to Remy is Fully In Emile's Lap like... half an hour in

he has had like maybe a sip of a beer

Remus says he still claims this is because he is a Clingy Drunk

no one will call him on it, least of all Emile

 -there is truth or dare. Roman may or may not skinny dip you have no proof

 -Logan gets infuriated that he cannot roast a marshmallow properly

Patton does it perfectly every single time but its ok cuz he shares and Logan eats it right from his fingers and Roman and Virgil are just in the background Trying and Failing not to be the Most Jealous

Patton thinks theyre upset they didn't get marshmallows and makes some for them too and there is lots of Significant Eye Contact involved

Janus is going to spontaneously combust if they don't get their shit together

 -Janus is out walking on the beach one night on a full moon cuz he cant sleep with everything so quiet around here when he sees a bright green patch out in the water and goes ...wait

he calls out to Remus and he comes into shore and is like "waves are perfect at night you should join me" so janus goes back and gets his board and they surf and chat for like the entire night

Janus finds out Remus couldn't sleep cuz intrusive thoughts were keeping him awake

Janus listens and doesn't judge, just lets Remus talk it out

They go back to shore and fall asleep on the sand next to each other like mid sentence still talking, now about whatever creative business idea Remus had, and get woken up by Logan's morning rounds like "come on guys you know you're not allowed to sleep out here" but they dont care theyre both just *blushing emoji*

-Logan Always Has A Notebook right? And a regular book he reads. And everyone assumes they are like Notions and Observations, but no, it’s actually blank paper and he uses it to sketch and then one day he leaves it behind and someone either Virgil or Patton finds it and flips through it and it’s all sketches of them and Roman and they’re like??? Actually really good? Anyway that’s how they find out Logan is actually minoring in art even though he’s majoring in something Very STEM 

And he never told his best friends because like almost all his pre college art is Them and he doesn’t want to be caught having Feelings and by the time it gets to college it’s been too long and he can’t tell them now 

Roman takes one of the sketches of him surfing and makes it his profile picture on All Social Media He Has and Logan is so flustered he nearly breaks his damn phone

Patton is so offended he didn’t get invited to Logan’s first showcase that he doesn’t talk to him for like two whole hours 

Virgil quietly asks if there is any art of all four of them, finds out there is, and makes a print and keeps it on his bedside table

 -They are all Pining Outwardly Now and its Worse

 -Remus : you have known them since pre-k please ask them out I beg of you 

Roman: You just dont get it 

Remus: I asked Janus out after 4 weeks what is your problem

 Emile: Virgil, I love you, you are my Partner in Anti-Drowning but you are so stupid 

Virgil: What???? All I said is that you and Remy are really cute and I'd love to be in a relationship like that 

Emile: I am not a violent person, Virgil, but I have the strong urge to smack you

 Patton, in the Rage Closet: They're all just so hOT and ReSPEctFUL 

Janus, waiting for his turn, trying to act like he cant hear him: I Am Looking Elsewhere

 Logan: I just don't understand why they were more upset that I didn't tell them than that I'd been making art of them for years?? Shouldn't that second part be worse??

Remy, who has been partial to Every Single One Of AMP Waxing Poetic About Logan: Yeah, no idea /s

 -the twins get into a surfing competition as a pair and everyone goes to see them and support them

Thomas airs the competition on every tv in the restaurant cuz he’s Proud of his Bois

They WIN cuz they are Creative and Talented and came up with all sorts of crazy tricks while they were fucking around in the water but it earns them Major Bonus Points for originality

 -Roman does the run off the podium and into Love’s arms trope with just like... whoever’s closest lets go Patton because he is a Waif and forced himself up front so he can see

The other two are Devastated because well shit but then Roman pushes through the crowd, still holding Patton’s hand, and gives them this smile and is like “remember in like second grade when we said we’d do everything together and made a pact on this beach”

Analogical: uhhhhhh yeah

Roman: holding you both to it. No take backs. This counts. Now kiss me, dammit, we WON and they DO MANY TIMES AND ITS REAL CUTE

 -Meanwhile dukeceit have Mysteriously Disappeared and No One wants to be the ones to go find them. They show back up, eventually. Janus has a branch in his hair and remus' hair is sticking straight up and when he opens his mouth roman glares at him and tells him in no uncertain terms that they do not want to know

 AnYWaY these are my children and I will gladly answer any questions about them. I left out Janus Backstory and Creativitwins Angst and Many Individual LAMP Scenes and Remile/Dukeceit getting together and Epilogue but can absolutely provide such things on request

[seoafin]

tbh,, i havent read the raws of the interview yet, only the translated ver from fan-translator and b4 i start, i think that this will be just me talking in circle and in no particular order AND a real mess (my brain does weird things after exams) but uhh here we go

gojou collects talented people, and by doing so he finds the people he can most probably relate to, except that he can't, not really, because something in the universe shifted when he was born. and it makes me think of how he's always known it, that he is special, and he's proven it, time and time again— he wants to take in talented ppl and he does, but there rly isn't much he can do for them. for they are talented, more talented than the world can understand,,

but they aren't gojou satoru

gojou took in megumi, bc he knew megumi was strong, and would grow up to be someone even stronger, but gojou can't facilitate or encourage his growth, bc for all they're similar, they are so fundamentally different. ALSO,, while geto was in his life, gojou rly judged everything according to his understanding of geto’s moral compass. gojou wears a human suit and geto is how he learnt to wear it well 🏃

the dragonfly analogy regarding to geto’s response to gojo, who was shown wearing a dragonfly patterned yukata in HI arc,, i’m trying to not think abt the fact that dragonfly symbolized victory in jpn....pain. i quoted from a web here for more explanation : In Japan the dragonfly is known as the "victory insect", or kachimushi, because of its hunting prowess and also because it is known to never retreat. Dragonflies are agile and fast fliers and can even hover, but never fly backwards

and bringing this up again, matricide and patricide are 2 of the 5 worst act to commit in buddhism, and it was said that if u commit one of those act u’re going to spend a real long time in the deepest pit of hell before continuing the samsaric cycle (higher chances to be born as an animal after that probs)— this might be geto’s divine retribution. held no power over his own body and could be considered that he’s the same as those “monkeys” 💀

ALSO the fact that sukuna's interest is "eating" rly drives home his hedonistic philosophy of seeking pleasure for himself. and he’s a cannibal...makes me think if he’ll just chomp on ppl with the mouth on his stomach

randomly, to date i think he hasn't really called himself a human, shaman, or a curse, and has held himself apart from all 3, and we've also the intro of the cursed wombs so i wonder if he’s trying to become, or is, a different entity altogether

so onmyoji got mentioned in the interview and what they practice is called onmyodo and abe no seimei and kano no yasunori were the notable practitioners,, and the kamo in jjk is the same as irl who served the imperial court back then

maybe i was right when i said that the relation between the govt. and jujutsu elders are similar to how the shogunate and imperial court work (ie, the former holds the actual power) but... lets see later,,

and i cant believe that i actually nailed it on the analogy of jujutsu practices by religion,,, so mahayana buddhism, shintoism, and taoism is present in jjk along with their respective jujutsu practices...but between the 3, it shld (?) be taoism > shintoism > mahayana buddhism (which could took a path to pure land buddhism)

it’s weird that the number of curses are supposedly higher in jpn comparable to other countries when taoism was brought from china....tengen sus

so the zenin family tree is sth like :

brothers: [toji's dad] ; naobito ; ougi

so toji, naoya, and maki & mai are cousins of the same generation

[toji's dad] → jinichi (probs) ; toji → megumi

naobito → other brothers, naoya

ougi → maki, mai

but yea i’d call anyone who’s within/close or below my age range as cousins and others above 30 as uncles/ aunts LMFAO,, i dont rly memorize my own family tree 😭😭 especially since most call the other by honorifics instead of names : aunt, uncles etc or attaching said honorifics at the end of a name for an older sibling figure/ older cousins [but like ppl in my country also call the other who are older with sibling honorific even if we’re strangers,,, rly similar to korea’s hyung/oppa—eonnie(unnie)/noona but some uses more genderless honorific] (1)

tw // topic of incest, mentions of abuse

if anyone got the wrong idea when reading this : i am not glorifying/ romanticising incest(uous themes),, i’m looking at this with absolutely no lenses of bias even tho im rly against it

初恋 = literally : first love, or puppy love

恋 = romantic love/ deep longing

i literally don't know how else to put this...🧍and with language barrier...using a western interpretation of the eng word "love" to explain a jpnese term is not quite that simple, unfortunately

that thread omg,, i rly do understand how exactly someone could associated kindness with love bc of my upbringing, it was when i was slightly older that i was just...oh so its not like that orz,,, so the most plausible explanation would be that

but the problem is that,, akutami never specify when exactly she had a crush on them,, and when megumi answered todo’s question she had a “♡” reaction 😶,, uhmmm there’s rly no way to look past this if its this way or be in denial

i’ve seen some of "why wouldn't mai react that way after hearing megumi say he'd like someone who's compassionate when she's surrounded by men like naoya",, well I MEAN,,, that, but also mai probs admires that megumi grew up so well out of the clan, regardless of the fact that he had the foundation (10 shadows) to do so. imo she seems happy for him the way she can't be for maki, bc maki ultimately had to leave her behind

hate to say it but yea,, the 3 clans most likely still practice inbreeding in order to preserve their power and presumably their wealth too 😀

i had an idle thought abt it at first but i filed it deep in the back of my mind asap,, bc i ont wanna jump to conclusion abt this out of all things too early. it’s probably not even in jjk, but all those elite clans in other ani/mangas that produce powerful heirs and whatnot also do the same,,, but this way of (my personal) thinking was influenced when i first got into tsukihime (type-moon),,, i read abt the nanaya family background and found out that they practice that in order to keep their bloodline “pure” (to keep it short : they have an optical power),, and i had this kind of assumption ever since so there’s that

i’m,, convinced the zenins' inbreeding made it more difficult for them to get powerful shamans bc they got 2 jujutsu technique-less children with heavenly restrictions in the same generation: toji & maki

even more convinced that maki might be a bit stronger than toji bc toji could see curses without aid while maki can't so the pay-off must be higher,,, SJJASN IDK ,,, plus naoya sort of implies his older brothers are nothing compared to him, and idk if we should take that as his arrogance or that his older brothers rly are weak/powerless. it would make sense as to why naobito had a lot of sons, ig, as head of clan

i feel so bad that if one of the factors that can caused heavenly restriction is inbreeding,, toji and maki and mai had no say in how they wanted to be born but are scorned for it,, typical asian families projecting their traumas and ideals onto their kids but get mad when they realize that those ideals are ugly...😁😁😁

since the zenin are conservative,, i wonder if they still hold onto old jpnese dining traditions. where in ancient jpn, hierarchical relationships were made readily apparent even within families. a dining table where everybody sat down and ate as equals would be unheard of. rather, each individual is given their own table that indicates their status,,, someone who is not considered “strong” according to the zenin’s views most likely have no place at the table, and probs eat when those who are “strong” finished/ serve them when they are eating

if toji was tossed into a swarm of curses,, i dont think abuse during said time is below them,,,

the zenin clan was already great, but they further amassed power and strength by, what i assume to be, marrying and adopting powerful individuals into the clan 🤔 ,,, i imagine they're like the hiiragi but without doing what they did to shinya (ons reference)

BUT after all that, i like to think that since akutami’s a big horror fan, jjk might be an outlet to explore said topics or even darker ones, so i wouldnt be that surpised abt it. given that there’s more than enough “red flags” before this was dropped : a reference to “tale of hikaru genji” when a grown woman asked for gojou’s number in HI arc (out of all things); granny who transformed into the man’s daughter, sat on his lap and man just touched her waist; mei mei and ui ui ; and...this (incestous theme is in the novel btw)

lets not start with whatever the fuck in kubo’s head in the interview otherwise i’m writing paragraphs with every curse words possible,, those big 3 mangakas are so— UGH,, a planet w out (cis) men like him sounds real good rn 😌 if one of yall out there decide to do it,, pls hmu rly cant do this shit anymore

akutami said i like my men pretty and i like women who will step on my neck and spit in my face (I REMEMBERED TATSUKI FUJIMOTO’S INTERVIEW WHEN HE WAS ASKED ABT MAKIMA AND IT WAS SO 😭😭😭😭) but ykw,, love that for both of them <3

when i said 3 : one piece, bleach, naruto. aside from the blatant depiction/ characterize of women in those 3,, idk if some ppl arent aware yet but oda is friends with two (2) convicted pedos,, man...the major disappointment and disgust when i first find out abt it

anyways this is just my 2 cents (which i think rightfully belong to the trash can) so pls just take this w a lil to no grain of salt - 🐱

YEAH THE ♡ LMFAO I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A “good answer ♡“ heart BUT NOW IM RE-EXAMINING?????

honestly i wouldn’t be surprised if the three clans practiced inbreeding. but ik people are going to be  😡😡😡😡😡 about it when the queen of fucking england is literally married to her (something) cousin. i’m not justifying it but like....love the double standards, just as always with the west 😍

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT FUCKING PED* LIST THEY SHOULD ALL BE IN JAIL. JAILLLLL. it’s all so gross. that’s why i fucking hate when people look towards manga for positive representation because the chances of that are super slim to zero, especially since the industry is saturated with misogyny and ped******* and a lot of other gross stuff.

i think ppl forget jjk is a horror manga LOL so obviously it’s going to confront darker themes. the question is whether it’s going to be done tastefully or not......

[bunnykass]

INARIZAKI AS FEELING IVE HAD WITH GUYS IN HIGH SCHOOL

this was supposed to be funny but became very reflective and sorta emotional for me. therapeutic tho😌

TW: mentions of underage n*des, cursing, grammar and spell errors

KITA - the senior in my law class freshman year.

He was country, would wear cowboy boots to class and levi’s (i live in texas). He was a eagle scout. very sweet boy. always brought coffee in those cups to class,and he drove a range rover. i’d share sunflower seeds with him all the time and id make fun of him cause instead of breaking the shell and eating the inside, he’d just eat the shit whole. but like i said he was 18 and I was 14. more of crush we never really did anything, one time though he did argue with me on snapchat about immigration and the annexation of hawaii. He had a brother who was a freshman, and in the beginning of the second seamstress I would flirt with him but again me and never did anything.

OMINI - my freshman english teacher

(tw mentions of sexual assault, grooming, teacher-student relationship)

LMAOO. i had just gotten really into lolita (gross🤮) and so I would literally talk to older guys on the internet (one time i met up with marine even though I was like 15) ANYWAY, so when I started his class i was like damn we about to have a ezra and aria shit. he was super nice to “pretty girls” and “pretty boys” what I mean by that if you weren’t the beauty standard, he was kinda a dick to you. one time he pissed me off though cause he lost a assignment, made me re-do it but only gave me a 70, and i lost interest in him after that. he also accused me of defamation of character because i found his mugshot and was showing everyone.btw he was accused of SEXUAL ASSUALT??? but apparently the mugshot was fake or wasn’t him i don’t remember. he never counted me late or absent tho

ARAN - my best friend

been friends with this kid sense 8th grade. He was in love with this girl though that was leading him on all though out middle school but i really had a crush on him by the time high school started he had gotten over her. when we were freshmen’s he told the whole football team I was a whore cause i wouldn’t send him nudes (i know this sounds bad but i promise it wasn’t plus this was 3-4 years ago) so we didn’t talk to each other till summer going into sophomore year. me and him are still friends and we literally hang out almost every weekend, i love him and he’s loves me. he’s very thing i’d want in a boyfriend but because we’ve been friends for so long doing intimate things with each other like sex seems weird. While we both wish we could be in a relationship we both realstically know it wouldn’t work :(. <3

GINJIMA - my freshmen boyfriend

had fallen in love with me when like school started but like my best friend aran said, i was whoreing’ (not really tho cause i’m still a virgin) so when he asked me to homecoming I was like no. but eventually through out the school year me and him got closer we had like 3 classes together, 2 of them were back to back so we were jus cute like that. my first legit relationship, he was nerdy as hell and the biggest fucking dork. my freshmen year I was what the yt would call a hot cheeto girl and i weighed a lot more back then and he was 6’2-skinny white boy so we fucking looked like glora and melman from madagascar. were like discord moderator and daddy’s kitten shit. he was funny but he was really mean to me and because i was very insecure at the time i lacked setting boundary’s so i’d just take it. he also bought me a roku which i still have today, he was always buying me shit, and i taught him how to take dick pics. he was the first guy that didn’t just like me for my fat tits but i felt like the only way i could keep him around was by oversexualizing myself which ultimate let to him breaking up with me :( honestly no hard feelings though we were both like 15. him an his current girlfriend are so cute, and me and him are cool.

this is a conversation we had a few weeks ago.

SUNA - my yubo boys

my take away from being in highschool is guys do not give a shit about what you look like or how you’re built, unless they’re insecure, and also self-worth. I got on yubo my sophomore year and had it till my junior year. if you don’t know what yubo is its essentially a teen dating app. now i never went to meet these guys irl i have friends who did... and i just want to stay ted bundy would’ve had a field day with these hoes but would engage in online sexting. which ig is illegals cause i was still under 18. at this point in my life i was just so insecure and seeking male validation that i was throwing ass for people over the internet to people i would never meet. this isn’t one person either this is a collective of i don’t even know how many boys. i feel sick thinking about this but i cant take it back and i just have to encourage my sister and potentially future daughters about this.

Miya twins - my tower moments

these two, like the miya twins are very similare but different. I consider them both tower moments because after them two i change completely how i viewed myself and life. if you aren’t familer with tarot the tower card represents sudden and necessary changes usually the situation tends to me negatives and the outcome following is good. these two are also my most recent compared to the other and i’m still dealing with them today which is why i wanted to give a lil intro. idk if yall believe in astrology but those two have gemini in there big 3 and idk i feel like that has a lot to do with our situationship

OSAMU- my theater teachers son

so technically majority of our relationship was middle school but it carried into high school.he was so mean to me up until 8th grade like i said he was my theater teachers son, and he hated her class. at that time his family had so many issues and i think he didn’t have a outlet. my brother had died around the same time so i too was going through shit. while our issues weren’t the same he definitely confined in me a lot and trusted me with so many things, i don’t think a boy/guy ever just laid everything on me like that and it wasn’t in a “be my therapist” kinda way. he fucked up though, we were in musical theater behind the stage in a closet. his mom was just a couple feet away in the audiences teaching class. me and him were talking per usual, and without a warning he put his tongue down in my mouth. and tried putting his hand down my bra. i was so fucking scared i had never been touched like that. it was my first kiss and i didn’t even tell him he could do that to me. i obviously stopped taking to him after that until the summer going into freshman year when we started sending nudes back snd forth. i don’t like to blame people for my problems but i think i began to hyper sexualize myself because of him. when i wouldn’t send him shit he’d block me, ive finally outgrown him as i now my self worth know occasionally i’ll unblock him and hang out with him for fun but it’s nothing serious. he’s stuck on me like tic though and always bring up the fact he kissed me once in 8th grade 🙄

ATSUMU - my “twinflame”

he was a year older then me and i met him on snap chat that should’ve been a red flag. we started by sending nudes but eventually we started to develop feelings however as soon as things got serious he’d pull out. when his relations with other girls wouldn’t work out he’d always come back to me during that time together he’d love bomb me. take me on dates make out with each other in front of hobby lobbies on sunday, my happiness started to depend on if he talked to me or not and this went on forever. by the time quaratine happened he blocked me because he got a girlfriend? idk if that’s why he blocked me but i assumed that eventually he unblocked me because pussy that good. i gave this man so much power over my life that when i took it back i truly learned by self worth. i will never tell this man this but because of all the shit he pulled on me i’m actually confident. i don’t regret meeting him. occasionally he does try to pull his shit on me and i play along with him. i think the reason i can’t let my gemini boys go is because i’m too scared for a relationship but i know that no matter what they’re both their for fun 😌.

[bananiell]

rapper hc part 1

hi guys!!! so i’ve had this idea in my head forever and just didn’t have anyone to share it with but i told hedy about it yesterday and she scammed me into creating tumblr acc and sharing it here lol but when i went to write it down i  realized that i have a lot more to share so it’s gonna be just the 1st part for now, which was the only thing i had in my mind originally but now i’m working on expanding it.

i have a lot of ideas from the songs and this is no exception. this time the inspiration was NF - an amazing rapper and song writer. his songs uncover so much trauma and the things he raps and sings about are so real for a lot of us that you can’t help relating to them. NF’s real name is Nathan which also played part in this idea. lyrics of the songs are what the hc is based on so please listen to the songs i mention and pay attention to the lyrics.

ok i don’t wanna waste more of your time bc the hc is big as it is so without further ado let’s dive into it. p.s. it’s the first time i do a thing like that so im sorry in advance for any inconsistencies or the general drama:)))

TW!! (everything is just mentioned, nothing too graphic) physical abuse, verbal/emotional abuse, alcohol, drinking, drug addiction, overdose, death from overdose, kidnapping, torture (beating, skin burning, cuts – all of it not descriptive), violence, breaking one’s own bones, putting bastards to prison. also NF’s lyrics got a lot of triggers and cover very serious issues so if you decide to listen to some more of his music be careful with that. some of the things mentioned in the songs i’ve used here: depression, grave digging, guns, blood (in a non-violent way).

neil’s story: he grew up in an abusive family. his father was drinking a lot and abused him physically and verbally saying that he was nothing and nobody and would not amount to anything in his life. he despised neil’s love for music and laughed at him. he also hit him more when he noticed anything related to neil’s passion (neil humming some melody or listening to music in his headphones or trying to create smth). his mother tried to protect him but she couldn’t do much bc of her drug addiction. she overdosed during his last year in hs and surprisingly left him some money. when Nathan found out about that he was enraged and beat the shit out of neil so he would give him that money. to run away from his father neil goes to university to study his passion – music. he’s always had some kind of knack for creating music and rapping and now he could explore it more and not be afraid of nathan. he tries to overcome his trauma and even makes some friends (the foxes).

during the freshman year andrew and neil spend a lot of time together. they find the reflections of their hurt in each other and they find understanding. they share some of their past and their traumas; their view of the world and their dreams. andrew feels like he is falling because he’s never met anyone like neil. slowly there are soft touches and furtive glances but neither is ready yet to cross that line.

neil seemingly gets better even though there are a lot of hard moments on the way. however at the end of his freshman year nathan finds him and he and his cronies kidnap and beat neil up for Mary’s money keeping him in the basement for several days. this money is all neil’s got to survive and build his life so he doesn’t say anything and thinks of the ways to run. im not good with making up torture techniques and nathan is not so imaginative here but they still leave neil with scars on his face, his torso and hands (mostly burns from cigarettes, iron, cuts from glass bottles). by the end of the third day neil is physically and morally exhausted so he gives up and transfers all the money to them (he’s got a little of it left on his other acc) and they drunk on their win leave him in the basement. he breaks his fingers to get out of the handcuffs and gets out through the small basement window and runs outside. not long after that he collapses from all the exhaustion and blood loss and someone notices him. they call the cops and the ambulance. after that nathan and his cronies are put into prison and neil is left with almost no money. he leaves the state and a year later with a lot of effort, practicing and self-advertising he successfully signs with a music label under the name N/A.

andrew’s story: tilda didn’t give him up but was a shitty mother (obv) with drug addiction. andrew and aaron’s parents were divorced and their father didn’t live with them but tried to be there when he could. andrew started creating music as an outlet bc tilda’s boyfriends were physically abusing him and he tried to protect aaron from that. he and aaron were close bc they only had each other but andrew still didn’t share his trauma with aaron trying to protect him from that hell. of course he was only a child and couldn’t always take aaron’s place in beating but most of it lay on him. while at hs they became a band with the help of nicky and performed with their songs were they could and tried to self-advertise and wymack (he’s the head of the music dep at uni and also one of the profs) noticed them and offered them partial scholarships. they had some money left after tilda’s overdose (they lived for some time with their father after her death) so they went to get actual education on music production (at this point I don’t care how plausible it sounds, just don’t think too much about it ok lol)

the story:

ok so nathaniel once went to uni with the foxes (is there such a major as music production and singing or smth?) but at the end of his freshman year he disappeared. he was not very sociable so no one really cared where’d he go except for the foxes with whom he became somewhat friends. 1-2 years later he pops up as a new young and very talented rapper named N/A and he’s got burn scars all over his face and hands which he doesn’t hide so very intriguing right??? nobody knows much about him and that his name stands for Neil Abram so they take it literally as ‘no data available’ or smth (hedy also proposed “not applicable”!). foxes are like WTF we know that guy!! and wymack is also like isn’t that nathaniel??

Andrew’s become a huge fan of neil’s music. only renee knows that andrew’s been listening to neil’s songs non stop bc he can relate so hard to them and they just hit him right where it hurts. at the end of their last year they have like a huge final concert or smth and wymack organizes it to be held in one of the palmetto clubs. at the same time neil is coming back to Palmetto bc he is nostalgic of the time he spent in the uni with the foxes and he wants to escape his real life for a moment. he wants to visit the city and reminisce and he believes that none of the foxes really remembers him bc he was a nobody. I know the plot is getting ridiculous but bear with me

so it’s the evening of the gig and the students perform their music (songs, instrumentals, as solos/duets/bands etc). andrew majorly produces rap songs at this point and he performs in duet with renee with their song (NF’s “Can you hold me”). everyone is like shit it was so good but then andrew performs his solo song (NF’s “How could you leave us”). aaron is standing there and is a fucking mess bc he never knew andrew was that affected by their past and their mother’s death bc he never showed it and didn’t ever want to talk about his issues. (be warned this is a heart-wrenching song and it fits fucking perfectly). after that andrew almost runs outside for a smoke, trying to light a cigarette with his shaking fingers and thats when he sees a strange all covered up figure in a black hoodie entering the club but also cautiously looking over their shoulder like they don’t want to be caught. andrew ever the protective one follows him but loses in the crowd of the low lit club. 10 mins later there is quiet and the figure goes on stage – obv its neil. “Intro III” starts playing.

andrew is in awe and he’s never heard this song before so it must be new. he also never saw neil perform live so he cant really move bc the performance is so powerful and magnetic. *neils sitting on one of the disconnected amplifiers in the dark and the music starts building up. At 2:00 of the song after the words “I mean, what are you, outta your mind? 'Cause both of us will be, come on, let's go outside!” he pulls off his hood, his movements are fierce and aggressive and he’s almost screaming in the mic. at words “You had me scared for a second, I thought we were diggin' my grave” theres his fathers smile, vicious, crazy and cruel – thats how he remembered it spending 3 days in that basement. (fyi in the song NF’s talking to his fear and they go back and forth).* 

andrew is mesmerized, the foxes are in shock, the whole crowd does not understand who that is but they watch with open mouths. the song ends and the crowd goes wild. that’s when neil starts talking.

“hello palmetto. this is a great concert you got and some of you guys are fucking talented. my name is neil and I used to go to PSU a long time ago so you prolly don’t know me but professor wymack out there let me come here on this stage and sing a couple of my songs for you. one of them is my old song, and another is new but they both tell my story and I hope you like’em”. 

people cheer and applaud and after a moment another song starts playing. its the one andrew knows (it’s Paralyzed). the atmosphere gets way calmer but everyone is just as hypnotized. during the chorus neil is standing under the dim lights, head turned up facing the ceiling, eyes closed, his scars are illuminated. he looks almost peaceful but there’s pain and apathy showing on his face and in his posture. the song ends and neil leaves the stage. andrew cant make his legs move but he has to meet neil (he just realized that neil’s shared his name with them and it wasn’t “nathaniel” and andrew’s got so many questions).

he forces himself to move and almost runs backstage. neil is already leaving but andrew stops him by grabbing him by his arm. they stand there looking at each other, andrew panting, his body shaking a little, neil wide-eyed.

“Andrew…” he whispers obviously surprised by seeing Andrew here.

“Nath- Neil.” suddenly Andrew cant ask a single question. he’s got so many that it feels like a waste of time to ask them one by one. Neil looks down at where Andrew is still grabbing his arm and Andrew lets go off him like its burnt him. “You are here” he lets out on the exhale like he still can’t believe it.

Neil averts his eyes and puts the hood of his sweater on his head so that the shadows obscure half of his face. “Yeah” he replies and after a few seconds follows with hesitant “How are you?” It is a stupid question, Andrew thinks but he answers nonetheless with simple fine. Neil holds his head low, and Andrew can’t help but wonder if Neil doesn’t wanna look him in the eyes after his disappearance so many years ago or if he simply doesn’t want to see Andrew’s face. Both options hurt him but he doesn’t have the heart to ask.

the end of part 1. come yell at me on twt or here hihi

[marvinswriting]

Broken Arm

Tw: Major character death, reference (slight reference) to self harm- unrelated to the death dw im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im s- g/t mean girls

The air smelled of disinfectant mixed with depression. 

I couldn't tell if it was that or the pit of anxiety that was making me nauseous as I stare numbly at my arm, freshly casted. The bright lights and hushed voices of the hospital didn't feel real. Like, I knew I was here on Cady's shoulder, leaning against Aaron, but at the same time, I wasn't here.

Or I'd rather not be at least.

I hoped I could wake up from this nightmare. Any minute now Damian would nudge me awake, school day over or something. 

But this wasn't a dream because the pain was all too real.

I stare blankly down the hall. The hall where they rushed him.

Damian got hurt the worst.

My stomach tightened thinking about it.

Cady had her head in her hands mumbling about a concussion. Gretchen set with her hands folded neatly in her lap, looking out into nothingness. Both Karen and Regina were crying softly, looking shaken up.

The sound of doors slamming down the hall makes us all lookup.

Ms. Hubbard runs into the room, teary-eyed and bewildered.

"Where?"

Karen points down the hall. "They won't let anyone in."

"What happened?" She says after getting a good look at all of us. "Jesus are you all okay?"

It wasn't hard to see where Damian got his motherly instincts from. 

"Janis, your arm!"

Ms. Hubbard rushed over, promptly scooping me off Cady's shoulder.

"Know how they say tinies shouldn't ride unsecured on a shoulder when in a car? This is why." I motion to the cast. "Somebody blew through the intersection. Hit driver's side, right-right uh, where Damian was." I look. down, swallowing hard. "I fell."

"And this is why we have safety regulations. Who else got hurt?"

Mama Bear Hubbard went around the room making sure everyone was okay. It was a nice distraction from what was going on down the hall. For all of us.

"Cady, I'm very grateful you wore your seatbelt otherwise it could be worse than a concussion."

"Gretchen, I hope the scratch on your arm heals."

"Regina, maybe take a nap you'll feel better."

I couldn't help but smile.

Ms. Hubbard lifted me to her shoulder and I sat down as she found a seat next to Cady.

Everything felt harder with one arm, but one thing Damian takes after his mom is walking smoothly without bouncing or sudden jolts.

The waiting room was silent again.

It feels like we sit for hours.

Maybe it was.

It was probably only minutes.

A doctor emerged from the hallway where Damian was. 

Ms. Hubbard stands quickly, silently scooping me off her shoulder and handing me to Cady. She rushed over to the doctor and we all watch wordlessly.

We can't hear what they're saying but body langue isn't had to read in these situations. 

They talk for a bit before Ms. Hubbard's hand shoots to her mouth. 

The waiting room once filled with clicking of keyboards and buzzing of lights was now filled with gut-wrenching sobs.

Aaron wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. We all knew whatever news was coming couldn't be good.

I didn't want to hear it.

But I listened anyway.

A week.

They say he has a week.

At most.

He was awake but- in pain.

Ms. Hubbard was in the room right now talking.

Visiting hours for today would be over soon but if we all spoke for ten minutes each-

Ten minutes wasn't enough.

Ten minutes won't ever be enough.

I'd have more time tomorrow.

A week.

The news made my head spin.

I couldn't just have a week left with Damian.

We were supposed to have the rest of our lives.

We were fric and frac. You never saw one without the other.

It can't just be a week.

Ms. Hubbard stepped out of the room, glancing at all of us. If her teary-eyed expression mirrored our own, then we all looked like a mess. I felt like a mess.

"Janis," Aaron said softly, rubbing my uninjured arm. "You wanna go in first?"

I didn't, actually. I didn't want to go in at all. I didn't want to go in and have the situation solidified. I didn't-

"Yeah. I'll go."

Cady didn't move but Karen came over, lifting me gently off Cady's shoulder.

Aaron leaned back by Cady's neck as Karen walked away. 

The whole group looked distraught, I could only imagine what I looked like.

I looked down as Karen opened the door to the room. My finger trailed over my cast, as I looked everywhere other than the bed in front of us. 

"Hey, guys."

My head snaps up at the voice. Damian sounded in pain just to talk. The tears in my eyes were back.

I wasn't gonna cry in front of him.

He deserves better than that.

Damian didn't look like he had just been hit by a car. I don't know how I expected him to look. Maybe completely casted like in the cartoons. Instead, he just looked pale. There was a bandage on the side of his head right by his hairline and his entire left arm was wrapped up and gauzed. 

The side the car hit.

I swallow thickly, trying not to cry.

"You guys don't have to just stand by the door," Damian said with a humorless laugh.

"Right." Karen set me on the table next to the bed and silently waved a quick goodbye.

Despite the slow beeping of the heart monitor, the room felt deafening quiet.

"Hi," I say flatly.

Things were never weird around Damian before. We always knew just what to say to each other and when. But- I was at a loss.

What do you say when your best friend is dying in a hospital bed? 

There's no go-to small talk for that.

"You okay?" Damian asks me. His eyes don't have their usual shine and I force myself to look away.

"Yeah."

"You sure? I can't imagine your arm feels great."

"This isn't about me." I cross my arms over my chest, as best I can with the cast. 

"Janis," Damian frowns. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Damian! You're in a hospital bed and you're worried about me." I step backward, blinking violently to stop the tears from falling.

Damian smiled sadly. "I want to make sure you're okay. I'm dying there's nothing they can do."

"Don't say that."

"Janis, it's true."

"But you don't have to say it!" 

Damian doesn't say anything to counter my outburst, he just sits there quietly. 

It's almost worse.

Great.

My best friend is dying and I yelled at him.

I'm a shitty friend and a shitty person. 

Damian deserves so much better. So much more.

But I can't give it to him.

All I can do is yell and be a little bitch.

Maybe I shouldn't have come in.

This was a mistake.

I glare down at my boots, almost like it's their fault.

My vision is blurred with tears that I refuse to let fall.

"Jan?" Damian says after a while. 

I look up expecting to see anger because I yelled. Resentment, bitterness, something.

But there was none.

Damian looked at me sadly, more worried if anything.

"C'mere."

I step to the edge of the table as Damian reaches out. I can't imagine it doesn't hurt and a familiar pit of guilt forms in my stomach as normal when I'm being a nuisance.

Damian scoops me up gently and I try to ignore how his hands shake underneath me, or how they aren't as warm as normal. I try to ignore the way his face has lost all color. The way his eyes look dull and lost.

I try to ignore the fact that my best friend is fucking dying.

He holds me gently against his chest, something he has done so many times before. Whether it was to watch a movie on a Friday night or for a mid-day nap during the hot summers. But this was different.

His heartbeat was concerningly soft. The comforting beat was faint and dull.

Tears burning in my eyes again as I leaned backward into Damian's cupped hand.

He was dying.

My best friend was dying.

My giant was dying.

Damian was dying.

"I love you, Janis," He whispered, his fingers cupping around me more. "So so much."

It's futile to hold back the tears now. I try unsuccessfully anyway. "I love you too."

There are tears in Damian's eyes too and something about knowing he's crying too makes it so much harder to stop the flow of tears. I cover my mouth as I try to bite back a sob, being wildly unsuccessful. 

"Damian, I can't- I just-" 

My brain can't put together sentences.

Damian is dying.

It's the only coherent thought my brain can make. Like a broken record with the needle stuck on the same part.

Damian is dying. He's gonna die. There's nothing I can do to stop it or help. He's dying.

"Hey," Damian hold's me closer. "You're so strong. You'll be okay. You're the toughest person I know. You've been through so much and you will get through this. Okay? You're so brave and I know you'll be okay. Just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

I don't respond. I can't make that promise. I cant-

"Janis. Please. Do it for me." Damian sounds so feeble, so scared, so broke.

To see Damian, the person who had always been my rock and safe place, the one with the level head who always knew what to do, look as lost as I did-

"I'll try. I promise." 

"Okay." He said softly. We didn't talk for a bit, we just sat there. I tried to convince myself it was like normal. Like any day I'm just held to Damian's chest. 

But it wasn't normal.

His breaths were shallow, my arm ached, and the unspoken goodbyes hung heavy in the room. 

There was a knock at the door after a while. Gretchen stood there. "It's been ten minutes."

"Oh, okay." Damian nodded, bringing his hand away from his chest.

I didn't want to leave.

Not yet.

I thought we had the rest of our lives to hang out. Not we only have a week.

At most.

Ten minutes isn't nearly enough.

"I'll be back tomorrow," I say, hugging his finger. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jan."

I let go and allow myself to get picked up by Gretchen, despite wanting to just stay and cry.

I can't bring myself to look back as we leave. Cady is waiting outside the room and steps in the second Gretchen walks out. 

The rest of the night is a big blur. I slumped against Regina the second I was lowered to one of the tables and for the most part, zoned out. But I couldn't sleep. The events of today flashed before my eyes every time I closed them. 

"Hey, Janis?" Regina nudged me. "You wanna stay with me for the night?"

My initial reaction was to say no and go home, but- 

I thought back to my promise I made to Damian. 

It would be easier not to hurt myself with somebody else around.

Besides, company didn't sound like the worst thing in the world right now. 

"Sure," I say softly. 

Regina stands, pulling me up with her. "Gretch is gonna drive us."

"Okay."

Gretchen lifts both of us as she brings her hand to her shoulder. 

I climb on numbly. My movements feel sluggish, like each limb has a fifty-pound dumbbell attached. 

We wave goodbye to Ms. Hubbard as we leave. She's driving Cady and Aaron home them coming back. Every part of me wanted to ask to stay with her. I know she'd say yes but- she needs time alone with her son.

I can't be selfish.

Karen is also getting a ride home from Gretchen and she holds Regina and I as Gretchen drives. No more on the shoulder when someone drives.

I spend the entire ride looking at my cast. The plastics around me talk but I don't pay attention. They don't expect me to. 

Regina and I get dropped off at the edge of tiny town. Its a bit of a walk to the George's and we treck in silence. 

It's dark out.

The tiny area of Northshore doesn't have many streetlights, but the lights from houses illuminate the sidewalk well enough.

I stop at my house first, grabbing a few things for an overnight trip. 

My parents aren't home.

I'm glad though. If I saw them right now I may start to cry all over again.

I think I've done a pretty good job of bottling up my feelings from today. Not that it's healthy. 

I can't have everyone worrying about me though. We have to worry about Damian. 

Tomorrow felt so far away.

We make it to the Geroge household and Regina turns to me, speaking softly. "I'm gonna go fill my mom in more. You know the way to my room. Make yourself comfy."

I nod, turning to the stairs. I hear Regina and Ms. George talking as I step into Regina's room.

It didn't change much since we were in eighth grade.

Our rooms used to be identically pink. Same bedspread, same pink-themed boy band posters, same fairy lights.

Then the pool party happened. 

My room changed drastically.

Regina's shed the old posters.

I toe off my boots leaving them at the foot of her bed and shed my jacket, letting it fall to the ground next to the books.

I flop back onto the plush mattress, the twinkling canopy of lights above me. 

Turning on my side and bringing my feet up to curl into a ball, I'm mindful of my arm, trying to ignore the way it aches.

If today went as planned- what would I be doing right now?

I'd be with Damian obviously.

My eyelids feel heavy but I can't sleep. I don't want to replay the memories of earlier.

I don't want to even think of the nightmares that could stem from it.

We had been so happy.

I was on Damian's shoulder bickering about him playing more broadway songs.

"Driver gets aux. Not only does the driver get aux, but this is also my car, Jan."

"But-"

Damian chuckled shrugging his shoulder a bit, making me lose my balance.

"Hey!"

Cady grinned at us from the passenger seat. "Today was fun guys!"

"I agree," Karen said.

The skies were turning shades of purple as Damian drove home. The gang had spent the day a couple of towns over just exploring. It was the little things like that where they had the most fun.

Damian flicked on his headlights. "I didn't think we would stay that long." He says honestly.

"Yeah, who knew exploring a town square could be a full-day event!" Aaron said from his spot in Cady's hands.

I grinned leaning against Damian's neck.

The plastics sat in the back seat talking amongst themselves, Damian or Cady occasionally chiming in. 

Despite my very clear opposition to it, show tunes were playing softly through the speakers. 

I look out the driver's side window at all the houses we passed. People sat on front porches talking, others walked their dogs.

We were on the main road so all roads we intersected with had the stop sign, not us.

That made it easier for me as the tiny. I didn't have to worry about stopping short and going flying. 

It happened so fast, none of us really had time to react.

Gretchen made some offhanded remark about the music and how it was "Janis's favorite". 

I scoff, glancing out the window-

-only to see headlights.

"Janis." 

I jump, Regina had walked into the room. 

"Sorry, got lost in thought."

"I figured." 

I sat up, swinging my feet over the edge of the bed as Regina sat next to me. "You okay?"

"As okay as I can be."

Regina tsks, wrapping her arm around me and pulling me closer. It's one of those times where you know talking won't do anything so you don't try. 

The headlights.

The impact.

The pain.

Damian.

It was all slowly catching up.

I look at my arm. "Today didn't feel real."

"I know," Regina said softly. "I know."

My phone rings from where I left it still in my jacket and we both jump.

I fish it out of the pocket, frowning at the caller ID. "It's Damian's mom."

"Pick up."

"Right."

I raise the phone to my ear, my mind racing through all the possible reasons Ms. Hubbard could be calling.

I just hoped it wasn't-

There was crying on the other end.

-that.

"Hello?" I say shakily. 

"Janis, the doctors were wrong. They- he- oh god. Damian-" There's a breath on the other end and I feel like I'm gonna puke from anxiety. "Damian died. He-"

For a second I think I misheard her.

"Wait- what?"

Then there are tears on the other end.

I didn't mishear.

Ms. Hubbard talks some more but-

I'm not listening.

I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear. I didn't mishear.

I had to have misheard.

But I didn't.

The phone in my ear feels like a dull buzz. My brain isn't understanding what Ms. Hubbard is saying.

It didn't make sense.

We were supposed to have a week.

I was supposed to see him tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We don't get a tomorrow.

Damian is gone.

The realization clicks and it feels like a punch to the gut.

No.

I sink to the floor, my phone falling out of my hand. Its the least of my worries right now.

No.

The world around me doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel important. I'm vaguely aware of Regina by my side, pulling me into a hug and talking on my phone. 

No.

I'm vaguely aware of the tears falling from my cheeks. I'm vaguely aware of the way they hit Regina's shoulder, the mascara staining the designer fabric.

I don't care enough to pull away.

I don't care at all.

I went from spending the rest of my life with my best friend, to a week, to never seeing him again.

In a matter of hours.

It didn't feel real.

But if it hurt this much when it didn't sink in- then I don't want it to sink in.

Regina placed my phone down, her arms wrapping tightly around me as my body shakes with sobs.

Only four hours ago we were trying out different ice cream flavors a town over.

We were making fun of Gretchen and Regina, posing like basic white girls for the camera. 

But now-

I'm dimly aware of Regina talking but my brain cant process.

Damian's dead.

My best friend.

My other half.

The person who would stand by me for life.

Someone I could always count on.

Someone I love.

Was dead.

"He's gone." I whisper, my voice thick with tears.

"I know." Regina sounds just as broken as I bury my face in her shoulder.

"He can't be gone."

"He is."

We stop talking after that. We're still in the middle of Regina's bedroom floor but the thought of moving right now feels unbearable. 

Doing anything right now feels unbearable.

What's the point?

He's gone.

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

It physically hurt.

I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, I couldn't breathe.

Each shallow inhale was met with forceful cries.

He's gone.

Regina hugs me tighter as another sob escapes my mouth.

I know it's late and for the sake of others in the George household I should try and quiet down but-

Damian's gone.

I feel a spot of wetness through my shirt and realize- Regina is crying too.

Who wouldn't? Damian is gone.

The mom of the friend group, the light whenever one of us was sad, the only one who was willing to stick up for tinies regardless if he knew them or not. He was sweet to everyone, and always welcoming. 

That was rare in Northshore.

Now it's gone.

Now he's gone.

My mind kept saying it but it didn't feel real.

He couldn't be.

No.

Damian was my rock. I needed him. He needed me. We needed each other. What am I supposed to do now? 

He cared when no one else did.

He made me feel loved and important when no one else would.

Even as I sat here in Regina's arm, I never felt more alone. 

More lost.

Damian was dead.

I wouldn't get to see him tomorrow- I wouldn't get to see him ever again.

"Regina-"

"Shhh, I know." Her fingers ran through my hair gently removing the knots from the day. "I know."

But she didn't.

She wasn't there when I hit rock bottom. She wasn't there when Damian was. She didn't know how much I needed him.

I slump into Regina, completely drained of tears. She continues her work on my hair, it would be a lot quicker if she had a brush but- it felt nice.

"I miss him," I say bitterly. With the tears out, I felt angry. Angry at the world for doing this. Angry at the driver for blowing through an intersection. Angry at myself for not doing more. Not being able to do more.

"Hey, stop that." Regina says suddenly, grabbing my nonbroken arm.

Huh? 

Oh.

I had been scratching my thigh without even thinking about it.

My fishnets were ripped and four long red lines stood in their place.

It didn't come close to breaking the skin, but Regina gently held my hand anyway. "Remember your promise to Damian."

"How?"

"He wanted to make sure you were okay, no matter what happened. I mean- we all do- but you know Damian."

"Yeah," I say softly. Of course, Damian was more worried about me even-

Even on his death bed.

Because he’s dead now.

He’s gone.

I frown, pulling away from Regina. 

"I'm tired."

She nods. "Okay, you go to bed, I gotta- make a few calls, okay?"

"Okay."

I don't bother to change into the pajamas I brought, I just flop down on Regina's bed.

I can almost hear Damian telling me to change out of my fishnets and remove my contacts and take off my makeup- all the things I should do.

But the second I'm lying down- there's no getting up again.

I don't want to ever get up again.

He's gone.

Damian is gone.

He couldn't be.

It wasn't real.

I had to wake up from whatever hellish nightmare this was.

I look down at my cast.

A painful reminder of reality.

A painful reminder of today.

I twist so I'm on my back with my cast resting on my chest as Regina leaves the room, leaving the door cracked behind her. 

"Hey Cady, I have news. Aaron with you?"

guys- listen. this could be the angstiest shit ever or not at all- ive read it so many times im desensitized. So yeah, sorry if  broke your heart, ill try harder next time if I didnt. now who wants fluff? or tiny swap p2 lmao @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

[tinselkj]

The start of something new | Kandy

Who: KJ and Andy Where: KJ Apa’s residence  When: 9/5 at 3am Notes: This was set a week ago. It’s a look into what happened the night Andy and KJ got together TW: heavy making out and loss of some clothes. nothing major @hwfameandy

Andy:  Andy shook his head just as he stepped foot out of his car. What the fuck was he doing? Showing up at KJ's place at this hour was just asking for trouble but right now he didn't care, not even in the slightest. He tossed his phone in the car as he slammed the door and made his way up to the actors front door. Lifting his hand he knocked, and it was hard. "KJ! Open the door!" He spoke out in a loud tone just as he knocked again.

KJ:  It was late and Keneti had been in a dead sleep when his dog began barking as the familiar voice drifted into his subconscious. Groggily pushing himself out if bed and down to the front door, kj ran a hand through his bed hair, trying to get his eyes to focus. "Is everything alright, Andy? Its three in the morning."

Andy:  Andy pushed his way into the house the moment he opened the door. “No nothing is alright.” He spoke as he ran his fingers through his hair, his head was spinning faster than his thoughts could keep up with them.

KJ:  Hearing that something was wrong was all it took for the actor to jolt himself awake, aware of whatever Andy needed him to do, he was ready to do. "What's going on? Who am I hurting for upsetting you? Did you murder someone? Knock someone up? I need to know what level of urgency this is."

Andy:  He was trying to put his thoughts in order, everything was running through his mind, like a constant circus of thoughts and sounds mixed with a waterfall of emotion. “I can’t do this, K. I can’t fucking ignore it anymore..” he spoke softly knowing he probably wasn’t making any sense at all.

KJ:  Looking at his best friend with pure and utter confusion as he tried to go through what he could possibly be talking about in his mind, kj landed on the only thing that made sense to him. "What did your ex do? Andy, hes not worth your heartache. There is going to be someone out there for you, I just know it." Kj wasn't the brightest, so when Andy said he couldn't do it anymore, he didn't think anything of it.

Andy:  Andy let a groan slip passed his lips. It was so hard to figure out the right words to use. Fuck it, actions were louder right? Without another thought, Andy stepped closer to his friend, his hands coming up to grip the back of his neck and without speaking he kissed him. It wasn’t a soft kiss, it was rough, passionate, hungry. He couldn’t deny the way he felt about him and hopefully with a hint like this, the actor would get the picture.

KJ:  To say he wasn't expecting this would be an understatement. Sure, they flirted but it never went anywhere past that. He had feelings for the man, but are said feelings strong enough for him to leave his love for the blonde he had seen hours earlier? Yes. He believed it was. It took a moment, but kj quickly kissed the boy back with just as much passion as Andy gave him. Moving so his hands slipped under the hem of his shirt, kj hummed at the feeling of his fingertips touching his flawless skin.

Andy:  It was safe to say that he wasn’t expecting the same passion in return. Honestly he was expecting to be shoved away or even smacked. The feeling of the boys fingers tips on his skin caused him to let just a small moan slip passed his lips. He grabbed the bottom of his own shirt and broke the kiss just long enough to pull it over his head and discard it on the floor. He pressed their lips back together, fingers tangling in red locks as he pulled him against his body. Now that he got to experience his lips he didn’t want to stop kissing him.

KJ:  As he pulled away, kj scanned his body as the shirt was peeled away to reveal his ink ridden skin. He was hungry for his touch that when Andy pulled away, it was like he took away the very air he needed to breath. Pulling his own shirt off while he had the chance, KJ pressed his hand flat against the small of his back before pushing him against the wall, lips trailing kisses down his jaw line and to his neck. Kissing the tender skin just below his earlobe before sucking said skin into his mouth, fully intending to leave his mark on the man he called his best friend for such a long time.

Andy:  Andy has no idea what was happening. All he knew was denying the way he felt about KJ was impossible. The feelings were incredibly strong and he was sure the other knew that by the rate the clothing was being shredded. His hands moved to trail along the males chest. Fuck, he was ripped, and Andy loved the way his skin felt beneath his fingers. He was so quickly becoming an addict. He let a small gasp pass his lips when his back hit the wall and it shifted to a moan when he felt the lips on his neck. He was leaving his mark, and Andy didn’t care. Hell, he wanted him to mark him, he wanted the other to leave his own mark against the sun kissed skin. His hand moved to grip the back of his best friends neck. He held him for just a moment before hand moved to work on opening his own jeans, the regret of wearing skinny jeans finally hit him.

KJ:  It took everything in him to pull away from Andy, lust filling his eyes as he scanned his features, a small smile playing at his lips as need was replaced by an overwhelming amount of love. Pressing a kiss to his lips one last time, the man pressed his forehead to the others as he closed his eyes for a moment. "We need to stop, but wow. I cant begin to tell you how long I've wanted to do that." He couldn't let it go any farther than it has. Not when he just fixed things with lili. "Why? Why did you have to come and make this more complicated?" The man chuckled as he shook his head, kissing him a few more times before pulling away completely, taking his hand and pulling him into the living room. "There’s something you should know before I touch you again. Lili and I talked today and are working on fixing things between us..but I need to know what you're feeling. I need to know what you want."

Andy:  It wasn’t until kj stopped that Andy had even realized what he was doing. For the first time, he wasn’t embarrassed when he was stopped, he was trying to catch his breath. He returned the kiss with just a gentle one of his own. “I don’t know if I should have done that.” His tone was almost nothing but a hushed whisper as he kept his forehead pressed to the others. “I didn’t try to make it complicated, K. I didn’t.” He returned each kiss before following him into the living room. He wasn’t foolish, he knew about him and Lili but in some way hearing him speak the words made it all real and he could feel his heart shatter right there in the living room. “What I’m feeling is that I’m crazy about you, I can’t get you out of my head no matter how hard I try. I want you. With me not her.” He spoke spoke truthfully as he ran his fingers through his hair. He walked over and picked his shirt up off the floor. “I hate that I have feelings for you, but I can’t help it, K. They’re there and I can’t ignore them anymore. I want to be more than your best friend.”

KJ:  Just hearing how he felt about him made him feel like hes never felt before. The love he held for his friend was something he had never felt before and that scared the hell out of him. "One might say you want to actually be my husband?" The redhead joked, trying to bring a light hearted air to the whole situation. "If you would of said this the other night to me, I never would of gotten back together with lili...but I cant hurt her like that...but I want you just as much. If not more." He had never been so confused in his life. He had crushes and wondered what it would be like to hold another man's hand in public, but nothing ever made him want to follow through with that. Not like Andy did. "I'm not ready to come out. Would you be alright with not being able to share with the whole world?" Kj asked, actually considering the idea of being with him.

Andy:  The words he spoke ‘I can’t hurt her like that’ made his feel like his entire heart was being ripped out of his chest. Since his ex, he’d never found anyone he wanted more than kj and to hear that he couldn’t hurt Lili. Maybe Andy was foolish for crossing a line with him. “I told you, I’d never force you to come out until you were ready.” He spoke as he slipped his shirt back on and every fiber of his being was telling him to make a b line for the door. This wasn’t just some guy that he’d caught feeling for, this was kj, his best friend. The last thing he wanted was to ruin everything between them. “How was I supposed to tell you how I felt when you were off with her? I haven’t had a moment to tell you..”

KJ:  He knew he was being selfish. He knew he shouldn't want both of them, but he did. He was hurt, of that much he could tell and it killed him knowing he was the reason for that pain. He was right though. He didn't give him the chance to tell him how he felt, but how did kj feel? Giving himself a moment to really think about this, the man considered his options before speaking. "Are you sure you want me? Are you positive that you love me and this isn't just a phase where you'll lose interest quickly?" He knew he didn't have to ask this. The answer was clear as day, but he still had to ask. He had to give him an out before it was to late. "Because if you are..give me a few days. Just a few days to break things off gently with her."

Andy:  The look on Andy’s face shifted to a bit of disappointment when the questioned slipped past the redheads lips. He stepped closer to him, his hand coming up to grip his chin between slender fingers. “I showed up at you house at three in the fuckin morning and let you mark my skin. My love for you is completely real.” He spoke in a soft tone as he kissed his lips softly. “I respect you enough to give you the time you need. But just a few days. I won’t wait around forever, kj.”

KJ:  Kissing him softly kj had to figure out how he was going to do this. Giving him a small nod, the man pulled him in for a deeper kiss. One that lasted a few seconds longer than it should of. "If I would of known you were an option, you would of been my first choice. I wont make you wait long. I just have to make sure she'll be alright. I still have to work with her for god knows how long, and I cant let this ruin things for the show. But I want you Andy." It felt nice being able to say that and know it wouldn't make things weird.

Andy:  When he was pulled in for a deeper kiss, Andy let his hand wrap around the others waist to pull him against his chest. He didn’t want distance between them. Having him close was all he ever wanted. “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how you felt about me.” He whispered as he held his hand against the small of his back. “I will always be an option and I will always love you.” He added as he kissed his lips again. “As far as I’m concerned you’re already mine.”

KJ:  Moving away from Andy, kj looked at the clock that hung in his living room. "Well I'm obviously not letting you drive home this late. Why don’t you just stay the night? Let's go get into bed and we can just enjoy being together tonight. I'll deal with ending things with lili tomorrow, but right now I just want to enjoy this little bubble of happiness you've put me in."

Andy:  Andy looked at the time, he wasn’t even aware it had gotten so late. He smirked at the others words, reaching out to take his hand. He laced their fingers together as he walked up the stairs. “I think I like the sound of that. I’m too tired to drive and I’d rather be in your bed than alone in mine.” He spoke just as he pulled the male into the bedroom. He moved over to the bed. Kicking his shoes off, he stripped down to just his boxers, there was no way he would be able to sleep if he hand his clothing on. He climbed into the bed and under the blanket, pulling it across his body before holding his arms out. “Come here.”

KJ:  "I would rather you always be in my bed rather than yours alone." the man stated as if it was the most natural statement in the world. As he was pulled into his room, the red head allowed his eyes to focus to the darker room. Watching as he stripped down to his boxers, KJ was stunned by his beauty. He couldn't understand how anyone could choose someone else over this man standing in front of him. Silently getting into bed, he finally allowed himself curl into Andy's side. "I wish you would of done this days ago. We could of been cuddling all this time and just..enjoying each other."

Andy:  Andy wrapped his arms tightly around the other and pulled him as close to his side as he possibly could.  This was the best feeling he’d ever had. Being able to hold the redhead this way. “I knew you were going through a lot and you just needed a friend.��� His tone was softly as he turned his head to lightly kiss his cheek. “But now I get to be more than your friend.”  The words caused a smile to tug at his lips. He really couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy.

KJ:  He had always had the slightest of crushes on Andy. He had never acted on his feelings, but now that they had finally accepted their feelings, things felt right. "Well thank you for being understanding. I don't think we should be officially a couple just yet since I do have to end things with Lili, but let's slowly take this one step at a time. We can go all out when we finally get together and it will be freaking adorable." He wanted to give him all of himself, but he also wanted to be sure they did this right. Andy meant a lot to him, and he wanted his first real boyfriend be something special.

Andy:  He nodded softly. He had no problem found at the pace the other wanted to go. He meant a lot to him, and he would do whatever he could to really show him that. Just being able to kiss him and hold him was more than enough for him right now. “We’ll go as slow as you want to go. I’m not going anywhere and I’m here to help you through this the best I can.” He whispered as he lifted his hand to grip the actors chin. He leaned in and pressed his lips to his in a soft kiss. “Slowly.”

KJ:  "You're going to make me fall in love with you, I can feel it" KJ smiled as he moved his leg so it could rest over Andy's, holding him in place as if he was going to run away. "How could I ever ask for a better boyfriend? You've literally given me everything I could ever ask for and I love you all the more for it." Wrapping his arm around the others waist, Kj kissed him back. "I guess I should really thank Ronen for this. If it wasn't for him, our feelings for each other never would of come out.:

Andy:  “Maybe that’s what I want to do.” He smirked. His hand moved to rest on top of KJs leg when he wrapped it around his leg, lifting it slowly to wrap it around his waist, holding onto him tightly. “Oh it’s boyfriend now? But two seconds ago you didn’t want it to be official.” He teased as he lightly rubbed his leg. “I love you, K. I’m actually crazy about you.” He whispered against his lips. “Well then thank you Ronen because I’m so in love.”

KJ:  "And maybe I want you to love me back just as much?" The redhead countered once the pair had entangled themselves with the other. "Hey, let me have my moment here. I'm trying to make you smile." He was a sucker for his smile, and that only intensified as the days went on.

Andy:  He couldn’t stop the smile that grew even wider on his lips at the words the other spoke. “You’re making it hard to not ravish you right now.” He let just a small laugh pass his lips as he pressed his to the redheads on a deeper and more passionate kiss.

KJ:  "And what exactly is stopping you from doing just that?" Raising a brow in question as he continued to kiss him passionately. The actor felt like he was on cloud nine, and he felt at peace with the person he is..sexuality and all.

Andy:  Andy broke the kiss, his hand resting just lightly on the others face, his thumb just lightly caressing his cheek. “Me wanting to protect you, and make you always feel comfortable with me.”

KJ:  After everything that had happened during the past week, this was all Keneti wanted. He wanted someone to not push for dates, to not push for public affection. He just wanted to be himself with someone he cared about. He wanted Andy. "Well there hasn't been a time where I didn't feel comfortable with you. You never let it get to that point. Its like... like you can see how I'm feeling before I even say anything. You know me in a way not many people do. If I had to say, only one other person knows me on this level."

Andy:  Andy shook his head slowly when he heard the words the other spoke. He knew who he was speaking about and there was a part of him that didn’t even want to hear her name. Was it jealousy? Yes, In a way it was. He didn’t have one hundred percent of the male but half of him was better than nothing right? “I don’t want to hear her name, I really don’t.” He spoke truthfully as he fixed his gaze on him. “I just want you happy, K.”

KJ:  It was obvious that he didn't like the idea of the relationship he once had with his ex, and that was something he was more than willing to respect. "Of course, babe." He smiled, loving the way that sound coming off of his lips. "Believe it or not, I couldn't be happier than I am in this very moment." He wasn't use to this feeling, at least not with a man. He felt not only safe, but loved beyond an unimaginable doubt. He felt like he finally had his person laying there in his arms. It didn't take long before he finally drifted back to sleep, eager to see what the next day would bring.

[wisherbysharlight]

YOOOOOOO MY FREN........ THAT TROPEY BEACH AU IS GIVING ME L I F E RIGHY NOW!!!!! id love to hear some of the other LAMP scenes you mentioned...... as well as any angst you didn't include............ 👀

HELLO NEW FREN HERES 1.5k WORDS OF CREATIVITWINS BEACH AU ANGST WITH BONUS EPILOGUE TO SOFTEN THE BLOW

Tw for not exactly abusive parenting? Just kinda toxic. -Roman has known since he was 3 that his parents expected a lot from him Sit up straight and be polite and be nice to Mommy and Daddy's friends and we'll let you play on the beach later 

  -Remus always had the same expectations, but to a lesser degree. Roman was already the Golden Child after all, an 'heir and a spare' and all that nonsense But if Roman was good, then they got to go to the beach, and Remus liked the beach too, so he put up with being Slightly Worse so his brother would look even better 

   -Their roles solidified when Roman woke up to Remus sitting straight up in bed, white as a sheet, and turning to him with haunted eyes. Remus couldn't talk, that night. But his parents did take him to talk to a really nice lady named Ms. Picani((yes i AM making emile a legacy therapist)) who taught him that many people are subjected to nasty thoughts but that doesn't mean they were bad 

Their parents called him imaginative. Remus felt like it sounded like a curse next to when they called Roman creative

-So Remus and Roman both wore a mask. Roman pretended to give a shit about meetings and mergers and getting a law degree and taking over for his parents. Remus pretended it didn't hurt when they told him he could be "whatever he wanted" but laughed when he said CEO

Remus didn't think his parents even know the dichotomy they created. Roman was bitterly sure that they did. They clung closer to each other, spending every spare hour out on the water, their surfing prowess unquestionably on the same level and keeping them from turning on each other

-Remus quietly helped Roman stay awake in school when he stayed out all night sitting and waiting for the perfect waves to catch. Roman quietly fed Remus the information he learned when their dad had him sit in on "man to man" chats with other leaders.

-When they turn 14 they both tell their parents in no uncertain terms that they will absolutely be working at uncle Thomas' restaurant like Remy did when he turned 14, thank you very much. Their parents think it's a good lesson in responsibility. The twins think its a great reason to get out of the damn house.

-They drag their friends along with them. Virgil becomes a junior lifeguard with a passion Roman had yet to see in him, watching over everyone like a hawk. Logan gets to read under an umbrella. Patton is charming as hell as a bus boy and he and the twins quickly become waiters despite technically being too young(they just can't carry the alcohol for two years)

-There's still stuffy dinners that alternate with nights alone just the two of them in the house as their parents jet set around the world, but now they have somewhere to be every single day Thomas Actively encourages them to use the private beach for surfing when they have time off, and they love it because they can just grab their boards on their lunch breaks and go

-It is out on these lunch break surf and chats that a plan falls into place, as it normally does, when Remus just says the first thing that comes to his mind Roman knows what he wants now, and so does Remus, and who better to get it than the Creativitwins(coined by Patton, LOVED by the twins)

-By the time the Main Timeline happens(when they're all 18) the brothers have Solidified the plan 

They've both enrolled at the same elite school(much to their parent's condescending surprise, seeing as how Remus' grades are actually better than Roman's), both majoring in business, but they swap majors without telling their parents. Remus takes Entrepreneurship and Business Analytics, and minors in pre-law, and Roman takes Management.

-Roman knows, deep down, that once the jig is up he might lose all the money they put away for him. So, when he sees that there's an amateur competition on the island with enough prize money to get them both through at least a few semesters of school he leaps at it

-He trains Non Stop. He hasn't told LAM about the plan and they get super duper concerned about him 

-Thomas and Roman end up in a screaming match because Roman is clearly not sleeping and when Remus can't get through to him he sends Thomas and tells Roman he’ll handle their parents

This is when it comes out that Thomas is living Roman's dream that he feels he doesn't deserve, feels like he's failed as the Golden Child and hasn't earned the right to go after what he truly wants

At the Same Time Remus has shown up in Roman's place to a Very Important Dinner because he knows its just time to let the cat out of the bag. His father pulls him aside and tells him that he cannot afford any "outbursts" and that this is a "very serious meeting". Remus gives a sickly sweet grin and goes in anyway, smoothly makes rounds to say hello to all the customers who come to the resort and is joking and laughing with three of them within 15 minutes. His father is so taken aback he actually doesn't hear one of his other colleagues ask if he's alright.

Janus shows up to back him up about 30 minutes in and Remus brings him around to introduce, and the two of them charm the pants off of the few people they hadn't met yet, forcing the Twin's parents to confront their own biases against their son. Roman turns his phone off so he won't see his father calling. Him Remy and Thomas are having a disney marathon, anyway

-Roman doesnt go home til morning. When he gets there, both his parents are sitting at the table with Remus. They all have tears in their eyes and look like theyve been there all night. He'd gotten the text from Janus when he turned his phone on, knew that it had gone well, or he'd be genuinely concerned. The first thing his father says is, "We're sorry"

They have a discussion, and it feels a little bit like the business discussions he always sits in on, slightly stiff and with everyone still not really comfortable with each other, but at the end his mother hugs him for the first time in what feels like years and tells him she's proud that he worked so hard towards what he really wanted, and that he reminds her of herself at his age trying to break into the business world, and he cant truthfully say that isn't the best thing he's ever heard in his life

-Their parents arent perfect. Remus will say something slightly off kilter and they will visibly wince before they can correct themselves. Their mother will still attempt to baby Remus and put Roman on a pedestal. Their father will still turn to Roman for his opinion before Remus. They both pitch a fit when Roman insists on transferring to a local school to save money. But there's progress made.

-And on the day of the competition, Thomas comes up to Roman when he stops by the restaurant to get Luck with a key on a lanyard that says "Thomas Sanders Beach Emporium - Surf and Swim Shop". He'd purchased the small surf shop next to the resort from a local who'd wanted to move inland. 

"Ro, I know you still want to go to college and that's fine. But know you are the only one I want running this, even if I have to wait." 

Roman bursts into tears IMMEDIATELY and Patton has to hug him for like a full 20 minutes to calm him down

-And then, as we all know, THEY WIN THE COMPETITION. And they don't need the money for college anymore, so they take it and give it all directly to Thomas for the shop, and the twins own it together but Roman runs it while Remus is off being one half of the Ultimate Power Couple on the mainlaind

And Now That You’ve Survived the Angst Train, here’s EPILOGUE

-Roman takes over the surf shop as soon as he graduates, of course. 

-Patton becomes a Divemaster/Ocean Archeaologist and gets to spend all his time in the water 

-Logan becomes an Oceanographer who creates super detailed and beautiful diagrams 

-Virgil becomes a marine biologist specializing in rescue and release and they buy a house across the street from the restaurant

-Remy takes over the restaurant and Emile opens a practice right on the island and Remile live in the apartment above the restaurant

-Dukeceit move inland towards the city so Remus can get his MBA and Janus can have some Night Noise and Janus gets his law degree and they are a Power Couple 

But they always take at least a month where they are either off or working remotely and rent a house on the same block as Remile and LAMP and surf and hang out at the restaurant and beach and relive that One Summer Of Pure Happiness and Freedom

[thatonebadassstapler-blog]

The Kid

Kind of a Five x Reader??

TW: Gun mentions, Blood mentions 

Summary: When it’s your first week of working at Griddy’s and people are already trying to shoot up the place.

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It is your first week on the job and you were just getting used to how everything worked. Your manager, Agnes, is a kind, older woman, who just needs another set of hands to get everything running smoothly. You were working in the back when the door opened again and some customers walk in. You were trying to unclog the sink, hands all the way down, so Agnes went over to get their order.

As she walks up, she starts apologizing for not getting to them sooner, as she and her co-worker were attempting to deal with an awfully clogged sink.

“Sorry about that! So, What’ll it be.” She asks the trucker.

“Uh, give me a chocolate éclair.” The trucker shifts, trying to get a better look at the dessert bar behind the server.

“Mm-hmm, sure. Can I get the kid a glass of milk-” She gestures with her hands “-or something?”

The kid looks up and scoffs.

“The kid wants coffee. Black.”

Agnes pulls her face up in shock, then smiles.

“Cute kid.”

The kid smiles mockingly at her comment, signaling to Agnes to just get on with the order. You finally come out of the backroom to try and help her with her customers, with your sleeves rolled up as high as they can go. As you dry your hands, you look over as Agnes grabs the coffee pot.

The sink is close enough to the two that you can hear what they are saying.

“-Used to sneak out here with my brothers and sisters, eat donuts till we puked. Simpler times, huh?” The smaller one was smiling, as if remembering something that happened in years long passed. The trucker- who you assume was his dad, turns towards him in mild confusion. This kid couldn't be more than 14.

“Eh, I suppose.” He shifts uncomfortably, looking away.

She brings over the two orders.

“I got his.” The trucker gave Agnes the money to pay for both orders, while he side-eyed the older man.

“Thanks” He raises his mug to cheers the man.

Agnes calls you back into the backroom to help with cleaning the dishes, while she was doing the register behind you. You go out to grab the plates left by other customers outside, bumping into a wall along the way.

“Mhm.” You gasp quickly, after hitting your thigh on the railing. You pass the kid behind the counter, as you rub your thigh awkwardly. You put the plates down that you were carrying, and notice the trucker was gone. Oh well, you think.

“You want a refill? You were looking at the kid, who was staring off into space, holding his half empty mug. He looks back at you and smiles.

“That would be amazing.” As you were grabbing the pot and returning to the counter, you saw the door opening again behind the kid. They were about four of them, all carrying guns. You froze, and watched as they filled the room in front of you.

“Hmm. That was fast. I thought I’d have more time before they found me.” He looks directly at you, and mouths Get down.

One of the gunmen began to speak. “Okay. Let's all be professional about this, yeah? On your feet and come with us. They want to talk.” You look up and only saw the kid. His eyes were practically glazed over while the man was talking, obviously disinterested.

“I’ve got nothin’ to say.” He moves his head, as if he was shrugging to his coffee mug.

“It doesn't have to go this way. You think I want to shoot a kid? You think I want to go home with on my conscience?” The gunman was trying to get him to go outside and talk to someone, not that you knew who that was. You were just worried about his kid who seemed to have gotten himself in a lot of trouble.

The kid sighs, looking down at you again. He looked up, “Well, I wouldn't worry about that.” He moves his head towards the gunman, looking him straight in the eyes. “You won't be going home.” The gunman recoiled a little from the obvious threat from the thirteen year-old kid. He inched forwards, looking through his scope.

Unfortunately for him, the kid has just enough time to grab a butter knife. He looks down at you one last time and mouthed Don’t look. You did as you were told, curling into a little ball on the floor, the cold tiles pushing back against you as you heard gunshots and strange ‘fwoop’ noises. In seconds, the lights began to flicker and signs all around the store to break. Crashing, banging and screams became the norm for about three minutes, until you stop hearing noises at all, aside from a suspicious crack. It seemed like the noises all stopped, so you peeked your head up from the floor, looking directly at the kid. Unfortunately, he was stabbing into his own arm.

“Woah woah woah!” you practically jump over the counter, trying to reach for the knife in his hands. He easily dodges, and points the knife at you.

“What are you doing? I told you to stay down!”

“And I thank you for that, but I'm not gonna let you stab yourself, especially when you're already covered in blood.”

He looks down, eyes widening as he sees how much blood his suit actually accumulated during the fight. “This isn't mine”

“Mhmm, sure. Doesn’t change the fact that you are stabbing what could potentially be a major artery”

“Listen. If it had been a major artery they wouldn't have put it there.” He points to the spot he was digging into earlier, with the bloody knife in his hand.

“Who is they? And why are you even trying to cut open your arm?”

The kid sighs, sitting back down from where he was standing, and hands you a little green beeping box. You take it from him, looking at the little monitor on the top half. It had a little radar system built in. There is also a red dot, right at the base of the radar circle.

“Is- Is that you? The little red dot?”

“You finally figured it out! Congratulations.” He gives you another mocking smile.

“Now, if you don't mind, I need to get this tracker out of me. I cant have them following me again.” He went back with his knife arm and went down to begin digging in his arm again when you held his wrist.

“Wouldn't it be easier if I took it out for you? You know, so you can steady yourself?”

He sighs, knowing that this stranger probably wouldn't let him leave without doing this. He held out his arm to you, like it was an olive branch.

“Don’t fuck this up.”

After a few groans, and you squinting, attempting to see properly in all the flickering light, you manage to get out a small button-like object with a blinking green light.

“What do want me to do with it, crush it or something?

He immediately looks panicked and tries to grab it before composing himself again.

“If I destroy it, then they’ll know I know what they’ve done.”

“Again,” You ask, “Who are they?”

“I don't have time for any of this. I need to go find Van-” He stops and looks at you. “I need to go find someone I trust.”

“I’m not going to let you go alone. If whoever is after you has more men then who just came by, I would not be able to sit right unless if I helped you.”

“Oh,” He looks at you, dead in the eyes. “And you were such a great help when they came after me in the first place.”

“Hey! I didn't have my guns on me the first time. Trust me, I won't make that mistake again. Now, will you let me help you?”

“I’ve already let you help me.”

“Alright. Will you let me help you again?”

He sighed, knowing you weren't going to leave him alone, and his cool-down on his flashes was still way too low.

“Fine. Just don’t fuck it up.”

“Cool! Alright let’s just get you fixed up and we can this Van-someone you were talking about earlier. Also I want my guns.”

He groaned, laying his head on the table.

“Just stitch me up so we can go.”

You were just wrapping up the last of the kid’s injuries when you realize you couldn't keep calling him ‘The kid’ in your head.

“So. What’s your name anyways?” You try to catch his eye, with his head still laying on his uninjured arm, teeth clenched together.

He lifts his laid-on arm, with the creases still on his jacket.

“The names Five. Nice to meet you.” You stretch your unoccupied arm to his.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you too.”

You turn around, looking for any signs of a pink uniform.

“Now, let’s get out of here before Agnes gets back.

“Good plan.”

You both walk out together, with him dropping the mini button object into a storm-drain’s puddle. You point to an old red pick, with rust all over the back.

“Alright Five.” you gesture to the car. “Let’s go beat up someone else.”

[traumajar]

vent//r*p* tw//child abuse tw

i started therapy again a few months after i was discharged bc i was fine. but almost immediately after being discharged my flashbacks started getting worse and now i cant go a day without remembering. my grandmother would always sit in my last therapy sessions bc i didnt talk about anything too heavy bc i was mentally doing well and had nothing heavy to talk abt except briefly the past. ive only had one session with this new therapist and i really like her but i missed my next appointment bc my mom completely forgot and most likely wont make another appointment unless i get baker acted bc she always puts off making appointments bc shes too busy or lazy and she doesn’t realize how bad im doing even though im begging for help. my grandmother and mom sat in my first session bc the new therapist needed to know my background and im too traumatized to have a good memory but my grandma had no reason to be in there. i never talk to her about my shit unless im breaking down and shes pleading for me to explain which has only happened maybe 3 times my whole life. but i had to explain to the lady about my rape and how i was a cheating whore to every partner i ever had afterwards bc i couldnt see myself as anything other than an object and couldnt take monogamy with my partners seriously even though it made me uncomfortable to talk about it in front of my gma. and i was trying to avoid it but she asked about my relationship with my father and i had to explain the physical and mental abuse i endured for the majority of my life mainly my childhood and that pissed my grandma off bc thats her baby and “you and your dad are building a relationship and working with each other and shes trying to turn you against him” when all my therapist was doing was reassuring what i already knew. that because of his actions, i didn’t know what a proper relationship was supposed to look like and it caused me to let myself be abused again and to not know how to treat the good partners ive had. i nearly yelled at my gma in tears saying that its not her therapy session and that im not there to resolve issues abt my dad when ive resolved it already (over time). im there to be treated for my trauma from being “romantically” and sexually manipulated at 14&15 years old. i may have moved on from my fathers abuse and hes gotten way better since i came back from military school but i will always hold on to the habits i formed while being abused. i told her she cant change or ignore the fact that her baby hit me and screamed at me and told me he loved me while demeaning me. but she just cant grasp that its a part of my brain and that i need to tell my fucking therapist my past so she can properly treat me.