#i cant socialize like that
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I got invited to a kind of get together / birthday party thing earlier this week which sounded fun, but also kind of really triggered my anxiety (I know why, but that doesn't make it less annoying), so I decided not to go and let the people who invited me know, and now I'm anxious about whether they think that was rude. I hate this brain.
#swingingblogsaway#so I'm still anxious just in a different way#but apart from the other reasons the current weather is really fucking with me#its not even THAT hot but gods the fucking humidity is killing me#i cant socialize like that#and yet i still feel bad about deciding not to go#i never know which decision is the right one in these situations#am i just avoiding an uncomfortable but potentially fun situation#or is it better to not go because it would actually stress me out and if there's one thing I don't need rn its more stress
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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I am going insane about these stoats
(my insta is @trisideseye and that's where I mostly post art. I'm purely posting here bc @quiddie is active on here and I need aabria to know, personally ,how fucked up I am about these stoats)
#burrows end#burrows end spoilers#burrows end tula#tula burrows end#brennan lee mulligan#aabria iyengar#i. abandoned tumblr. i am trying to not use tumblr for any more than following people. i used to post here but i gave up bc i got annoyed#im in physical pain. every ounce of me doesnt want to post my cool art on fuckung tumblr.#tumblr CANNOT be my main social again. I need to give my socials to EMPLOYERS. i want to make art for a JOB#but there are more dimension 20 bitches on tumblr than insta bc its the mentally ill platform#and i need. peiple to understand how fycked up i am abt this stoat mom.#im insane. im insane. im insane. im biting this piece of media im the jugular like i myself am a stoat#and i cant SAY that on instagram the EMPLOYERS will have my ass!!!!!!#anyways.#dimension 20
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DC Social Media AU
Uh oh I found a new obsession
#dc social media au#dick grayson#birdflash#bruce wayne#damian wayne#wally west#duke thomas#cass cain#jason todd#tim drake#bart allen#conner kent#but its supposed to be kon#not like conner from young justice the tv show#yea#btw all the pfps are from comics#i cant draw for shit#stephanie brown#how tf did i forget to tag her bruh#shes like in half of these
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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Can we agree that the "Thats two things" line from Mike was autistic as shit
#i love how William very clearly thinks he’s trying to play smart or something but. no he’s just like that#in general hes sooooo autistic. Same goes to Abby.#when aunt Jane noted how abbys meltdowns reminded her of mike I was cheering in my fucking seat#SO autism#fnaf movie#five nights at freddy's#Fnaf#five nights at Freddy’s movie#Mike Schmidt#can’t wait till this movie comes out anywhere that isn’t peacock. please I wanna watch it again but peacock doesn’t even have a free trial#also Just his general anti socialness??????? hello?#the way he just. walks off during the pharmacy scene#or the way he basically ignores max CANNOT be neurotypical#also with the former that his stand-offish nature is seen as rude#ALSO near the beginning of the movie where he tells his coworker about the dream theory-#-and he completely avoids eye contact and just fiddles with his Walkie-Talkie#like that cant be nt behavior
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What's happening with Theo Solomon is so, so frustrating and needless and disgusting (more info can be found at this post), and I also want to acknowledge the treatment of Wyll's original voice/mo-cap actor, Lanre Malaolu.
Malaolu gave an excellent performance! His delivery and the way he incorporated mannerisms and posture into Wyll's physicality was amazing. The original characterization of Wyll was written very well and matched the general tone of the wider party/narrative.
And to suddenly have Larian, years into the project, rewrite the character entirely and then re-cast it? To have other actors talk about how Wyll just 'wasn't working' as a character? All because of fan criticism that places ridiculous (and often contradictory) standards and expectations on black characters. Even if the re-cast resulted from scheduling conflicts (as Malaolu couldn't come in to re-record), we lost Malaolu's entire performance because of a rewrite that was simply not necessary.
And after disregarding Malaolu's years of work into this character, the same criticisms that Larian caved into are thrown at Wyll's rewrite, and the same disregard is being seen with Theo Solomon again and again. As someone who started playing early access when it first came out, fans' treatment of Wyll and his actors hasn't gotten better. It's actively gotten worse.
#lanre malaolu#theo solomon#wyll ravengard#bg3 wyll#bg3#baldur's gate 3#i dont have twitter or twitch#and i dont interact with actors social media#but i love wyll and these actors' performances#and i hope they know that people have enjoyed them!#i just cant get over what happened at that panel#why would you ever prioritize fan questions over letting an actor have their turn to speak????#like fcking hell...#edit: reworded stuff to make it clear why the re-cast came about!
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Two former military elites taking merc jobs perform absolutely hellish battle tactics together.
#ffxiv#digital art#zenos yae galvus#estinien wyrmblood#adventurer zenos#I will always adore this duo conceptually#because like- socially theyre that aragorn-geralt brooding in a corner of a tavern meme#but in combat they are absolutely terrifying#the azure dragoon and the super soldier legatus are here to fuck up a poachers day#aka zenos is about to crossmap someone's airship cause he knows estinien cant make himself jump that far#why have him try to jump when he can just Olympic-level javelin toss this man#also guys#my dudes#all this time I've been working on adven!zenos being a tank#I... have realized I just write him like a warrior who isnt carrying a weapon- sturdy unkillableness and countering and all#I am only a little bit of a dumbass but orogeny just seems to live in my head rent free#it also gave me the terrifying concept of- after spending time with the scions and after the ultimatum-#of him trying to learn more about dynamis- and zenos being zenos starts learning eventually how to harness it#local calm apathetic man can berserk on command because he's a lot angrier/more expressive inwardly than most people expect#depending on how I look into it- it might be how he fuels most of his shinryu transformations but I'll have to work on it more#but ANYWAYS#I love the thought of these two hunting and working together#and estinien being tossed being turned into a tactic#especially with proper form#this is something ive wanted to draw for a very long time and im very happy I actually have the skill to do so now
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IT IS OVER!!!!! WORK IS OVER FOR THE DAY!!!!! EVERYBODY CLAP!!!! YAY END OF WORK DAY!!!
#end of workday would also be good but we will celebrate what we can#i have been part of this charity committee which we love bc its a good cause bUT IM HAPPY ITS OVER!!!!#i am so tired we have done so many team dinners / lunches/ today was the charity happy hour and tomorrow we have a lunch#i cant socialize this much. i cant. im antisocial i am so drained.#i had to drink a Yuengling at the happy hour like a straight dad and worked the door
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In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.
#my art#gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#comic#eye strain#TIME TO DUMP EVERY ONE OF THE 27483949 THOUGHTS IVE HAD INTO THE TAGS BABY#OK!! SO!!!!#I feel like Ford would wonder why he and Stan (being identical twins) aren’t. yk. identical. shouldn’t Stan have polydactyly too?#as a kid he would dream about secretly being nonhuman and being whisked away to a fantastical world full of people like him#finally free of new jersey‚ finally somewhere he belongs#a lot of this disconnect from humanity came from utterly failing at social interactions while others (including stan) navigated them easily#the feeling waned after Stan was kicked out and he didn't have that direct comparison but it never left#then out in the wilderness of gravity falls‚ his isolation and immersion in Weirdness dragged it back up to the forefront#he deserves to have a breakdown over questioning his own nature. as a treat <3#color symbolism time bc I have a problem and use it at every available moment!!! blue and yellow get more vivid#the further from humanity the subject is#bill is entirely made w pure rgb blue and yellow (+ approximately 2674835 textures/layers/blending modes. I reached 150+ layers. help)#I like the idea that he would appear to ford like pure math considering hes a geometrical motherfucker and how the rest of the mindscape wa#I tried to mostly use trigonometry and related stuff for the Math Greebling. as well as fractals i love you forever fractals#MORE SYMBOLISM:#the grid-ish diamond pattern in all of the mindscape bgs (and elsewhere) is a penrose diagram of spacetime#which shows other universes on the other sides of black holes#SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY EUCLYDIA HEADCANON LATER. IVE DUMPED ENOUGH DUMB HCS IN THESE TAGS ALREADY#BUT I THINK ITS VERY FUN#anyways. fuckt up guys n their egos influencing how they view humanity. bill tells ford hes as human as they come bc he was so easily foole#ford cant reconcile with his humanity bc of a failure to perform in one area#and then the immense guilt and shame over what hes done <3#I have So many ford characterization thoughts. no man nor god can stop me
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How can people watch a piece of media and not immediately try to look at it through the lense of homosexuality and forbidden desires…. How….. It must be so boring, watching a movie and seeing two main characters hit it off but theyre not canonically in love so you dont think anything of it…. Very foreign to me, i dont understand it at all…
#first tag bout to hit some of yall like a brick#markwardo#tsn#the social network#marvey#suits tv#jackieshauna#yellowjackets#theres more i just cant think rn#text post
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Another silly
#an art#Fuyuhiko kuzuryu#Hajime hinata#I once again feel so much better after talking to a friend#Sometimes after a while without close friends I feel like some sort of invasive organism into human life#Like I just cant connect to other ppl at all. I'm like a marionette. BUT.#Talking to my friend who gets me makes me remember I DO have a rhythm with someone and they do get me#Intellectually. I have other friends who get me socially. Another who gets me emotionally#Both very important. I am more confused about how to portray it maybe#But conversation. Those two exclusively do that. Someone you can talk to forever without having to pause to explain#Very valuable.
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Steve injures his ankle in ninth grade and is forced to sit on the bleachers at P.E for 6 weeks. Here he meets Eddie "Sick Note for Life" Munson and the two of them become little gossipers about everyone in their grades.
#their grades share pe#idc i make the rules#they are both bitchy and gossipy#and steve has noone else to talk to and hes a little social butterfly#eddie doesnt start the conversation#steve just goes did you know frank samson is trying to date two girls right now#eddie cant help but reply yeah but cindy lance is dating him AND peter crame#and steve is like noooo what!#little gossip birds#stranger things#steve harrington#eddie munson#pre season 4#steddie#stranger things s4#st4#stranger things season 4#steve is not someone i see hating eddie im high school especially when he was younger
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I really need to socialize with people more. Shame about the horrors though.
#not the horrors that I'm friends with obviously I love y'all#but like every time I manage to have a good time talking to people I inevitably find myself scared of talking more because#well what if I fuck it up *next time*? better to end on a high note#and despite people generally thinking I'm alright and other people straight up saying they also wanna socialize more and make friends#I cant help but feel that I would be overstepping my bounds and acting completely outrè by (checks notes) saying hi#and when people DM *me* I get spooked#this is not ideal lol
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new discord update is like literally the worst update of an app ive ever experienced and im putting that over tumblr fucking live
#fire.txt#its so inaccessible and extremely rough on my muscle memory AND almost everything needs both hands to perform like#what about us who cant use both hands all the damn time. i have a lot of problems on my left side. this is so so bad#discord you arent a social media platform stop acting like one you're actively making things worse for the user experience.#at least give us a damn toggle
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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"
OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.
"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"
OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it
"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"
OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.
"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"
I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.
I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.
Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.
So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.
#out of queue#ani rambles#punks and posers#i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like#idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like#maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague#so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else#granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis#outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about#but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off#thats how movements die imo#i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing#i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets#which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later
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