#i cant keep taking care of everyone i can barely take care of myself

[dreamcast-official]

mm

[traumagenica]

people claim to understand that progress isn't linear and recovery can take a long time until it becomes personally inconvenient to them and then you're just a stupid lazy bastard to them no matter how you behaved before you became outwardly sick or how hard you've been trying to get better. and i will be mad about that forever

[heyitslapis]

I don't have time for people who don't have time for me

I don't have time for people who don't have time for me

I don't have time for people who don't have time for me

[andragoras-in-vanity]

remember being a teen and watching shit like soul eater and kimono jihen and thinking god damn i wish I had a perpetually exhausted but badass mentor to help me get through things?

well now im 27 and im the perpetually exhausted mentor with bedhead and a slight alcohol problem to my 15 year old cousin and im gonna tear my hair out about not being able to just let her stay for a bit because i know it doesnt matter fuck all what i say to her dad, shes still gonna be treated like shit just because shes a moody teen with undiagnosed add and an autustic brother who constantly talks over everyone. i suddenly need a cigarette.

[rotthepoet]

heyy, i’ve been reading a lot of ur stuff lately and it’s safe to say im obsessed. i was wondering if u could write 69 w the slytherin boys? only if ur comfortable but i feel like that would be really cool. ty!

POOKIE IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER I HAVE BEEN IN SUCH A SLUMP I’LL NEVER MAKE YOU WAIT WEEKS AGAIN THANK YOU MY LOVE!!!!!

Im sitting here wondering how i should write this?? Hmmm. Writing my thoughts as i think them dont mind me<3

Smut below the cut

Draco would like… maybe be the most gentle?? If i do say so myself, and I do. He’ll probably put the most thought into how its going to happen, when, why. He wanted a lovely date, treat you nice all night, be the perfect boyfriend… and expects a reward. Self indulgent bitch. Anyways! He leads you to bed, nice and slow, passionate make out sesh, you are living a dream! Then as you both finally get your clothes off, he’s kissing down your thighs, looking into your eyes and whispering soft praises before he lays on his back, and you(knowing the drill) go to straddle his face before he grips your thigh and smirks. “Other direction, darling.” And he cant help but laugh at how you blush. He lets you set the pace, matching your speed or slowness until you both finish <3

With Blaise, it just kinda happens naturally. No one had to go watch or read porn to think about it. You and him were getting freaky one night, a movie turning into wandering hands, turning into you on his lap with his tongue down your throat. The energy in the room just said 69, and you’d be a fool to ignore it. You’re on top, and the grip he has on your ass is fucking delicious. He’s so controlling over your body, pressing his face right up into your cunt, practically inhaling, while you can barely take his tip. If you take too long going down on him he might bite your thighs to speed things up ;)

Oh man, Mattheo Fucking Riddle. Bitch. He’s a power hungry hard dom with a knack for getting what he wants when he wants it. Oh man. You’re in for a ride- no. A rollercoaster. He’s on top of you, ravaging your dripping pussy while fucking his dick into the back of your throat. Its impossible to breathe with his heavy balls slapping your face, but it cant be much easier for him with your thighs wrapping around his head. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll let you have your way. Otherwise, he���s manhandling you into whatever position he wants. He might get you upside down if you arent careful.

Theodore and Mattheo are pretty similar. Them and Enzo are the like.. roughest of the group? That being rough without copious amounts of praise. You’re far less likely to have to work for your “good girl” with Theo, but sometimes he’s a tease. Anyways, Trust the moment your lips are around his tip he’s tugging your hair and bucking up into you while he feasts. It’s so messy and loud and he’s halfway sitting up because your hips keep running from all the stimulation:(

And Lorenzo. This fucking bitch. He’s wanting to 69 all the time. I mean he gets head. You get head. I get head? Everyone gets head! And it takes half the time because two birds with one stone. In my humble, Enzo hating, opinion… he’s not big on foreplay. I mean he’ll finger you and stretch you out because he’s not a total monster, but he’s way more excited to get into the main course than an appetizer. Much like Theo or Mattheo, he’ll set the pace with his hips. No time to play around he needs to be balls deep in you rn.

[mysticmellowlove]

i cant stop imagining the idea of ignoring a pretty yan boy. His pouty teary face, his whines, and him hopelessly trying to get your attention

warning; mean reader, sub male, sub yan, gn reader, dom reader,

yan really takes care of himself, he always makes sure that his hair is silky smooth so you can pull at it easily. he manicures his nails so they look pretty when paired with the red ribbon you like to tie him up with. he makes sure that his clothes are easy to take off as well, just in case you're impatient!

but why were you ignoring him?

his body was draped in silk as he stood before you on the bed, the window wide open so everyone could see exactly who he belonged to and yet you were looking at your phone.

a whine built in the back of his throat as he looked at you, he knew you didn't like it when he complained but... were you that bored with him? maybe you just weren't in the mood? that's alright, he can pivot!

"take it off." he jumped at the sudden remark from you, your eyes peeked over the top of your screen as a nonchalant and contemplative look was on your face. he swallowed his nerves and slowly began to take the straps of the lacy number he had on off.

slowly he inched them down his shoulders only for you to take your eyes off him again. he clenched his jaw as he felt the embarrassing sting of tears budding in his eyes. what was he doing wrong?

his hands tightened into fists as he walked over and planted himself on the bed, his face only a few centimetres from the back of your phone.

"i made sure i'm ready for you, stretched myself out and everything just like you like." he hummed gently as he untied the bow around his middle, allowing the silk slip to fall to the bed below him. his knees were still reddened from when he serviced you under the table this morning, he even made sure to be careful so that the bruises would last for as long as possible. yet another mark on his otherwise perfect body.

at your indifference to him he seemed to grow a little more shy, his breath catching in his throat as he let his hand trail down to his cock. he gave it a few tugs, making sure you could hear the sound of his already cum slicked cock.

"i'm ready for you my love." he keened as he arched his back, his cock thrusting uselessly in the air as he did so. you barely even glanced at him. he wept as his hips kept moving, driven on by the sensation of his hand on his cock but drawn back by the lack of attention.

"please! pay attention to your whore!" he cried out as his free hand reached for your leg only for him to fall flat on his face as there was no longer anything holding him upright. he felt pathetic, so overcome by pleasure that he couldn't even keep a straight face for you.

[heavypressure]

You're six months pregnant, but everyone thinks you are overdue with twins. Pregnancy cravings have turned you into a waddling garbage disposal, eating anything and everything you can find. You are always hungry no matter how full you get. You have gained so much weight while pregnant and your ass is so fat now that you struggle to find clothes. You refuse to buy new shirts because your belly bloats so much during the day that nothing that fits in the morning will fit by evening. Your bare belly is always on display. You're digestion is destroyed by your pregnancy clogging you up and your pregnancy gas won't let you even finish a sentence without letting out a loud, gassy burp. To your surprise, your doctor is a bit of a wild card and has made it clear they don't believe in inducing labor so you have to ride out whatever happens. On top of that, they also said you need to gain more weight and that you're not eating enough despite reading the scale and seeing your huge belly and butt waddling into the exam room.

-B3

Oh my... I'd do a lot for that to actually happen to me... Being a literal cow, walking around in torn clothes that are threads away from snapping and leaving me completely a naked, bubbling bloated mess. But of course it's all excused by my pregnancy, right?...

And of course I'd listen to my doctor, i want my baby to be healthy in the end.. even if that means eating triple times the food i had before

Right after visiting a doctor i may grab something quick to eat at a local mall... I wait in the line and try my hardest not to rip ass at the face of the people that stand behind me, even though my stomach is clearly not happy from me denying it some relief... I wince from gas cramps and my belly bubbles ominously, people around me in the line quickly take notice. The couple before me decides to let me go first, how kind of them. I rub my huge bubbling gut, and tell my order to the poor fast food worker, burping every 5 seconds in their face. Luckily for them it was quick, as all that i said was that I'm gonna take every item in the menu 🤭

I felt that it was probably the right call, as even after just a few minutes of waiting i felt insanely hungry. Doesn't even matter that my poor insides were being inflated every second by more gas i was trying to keep in, i just needed to fill the space I didn't have anymore with greasy food. I finally got my order and waddled to the nearest table, my enormous ball of a belly sloshing and bubbling with every step. It was covered in numerous stretch-marks from never-ending growth, and my big belly betton popped out almost instantly after my pregnancy started.

It was hard to fit my bloated ass on a small chair, but i had to make do. As i start eating, i quickly lose myself, the food is so good, and it's great that the amount of it is seemingly never-ending.. I cant control my gas anymore, and i still feel my belly getting painfully tight, i can hear the gases inside me roar, stretching my skin even further... My belly is so packed that it almost touches the floor, hanging off the edge of my chair. I don't care if people around me stare in disgust at me being a bloated, pregnant gassy cow, i just need to continue filling my gut with junk. I'm letting out constant, never ending gas from both ends and still somehow expanding even further..

[voidedaurora]

I've been keeping my actual posts about this minimal for the time being because of some things behind the scenes but I've just been sent this mess of an announcement she's made in her discord and I thought I'd say something about it

(yes mel, I AM going to break this down considering you have a tendency to lie and skew things and say weird shit that gets looked over otherwise)

SS #1

First of all. What are you trying to do here, Garner pity? trying to get SYMPATHY and leniency for actions YOU made, things YOU did. Trying to garner sympathy as if you're the one that's been victimized in this whole thing, as much as you'd like to see yourself as a victim you are not!

Being called out for terrible things YOU'VE done does not make you a victim and does not give you any passes for anything.

Its understandable to be stressed, but you're putting this on yourself by trying to disprove things that simply cannot be because these are things that've actually happened, not random BS to take you down.

The easiest and best thing you could've and still can do in this situation is admit your wrongs and get off the internet to live in REAL life for a little and maybe seek some help for your mental so you cant hurt anyone else.

-

SS #2

Now this is just a bit odd? I know for a fact you do not have any "hidden answers everyone's looking for" bc most things of note have been presented (at least from me personally) and have already PROVEN these things did indeed happen?

(excluding the few things that were in vc unrecorded)

Things will never go back to normal, you cant even pin this on being a "stupid kid" anymore because this is behavior that has spanned across YEARS and YEARS now with no change, whenever people have tried to help you, push you in the right direction, directly explained something you're doing is wrong, etc. You've been mean and unwilling to hear anyone out and would rather live your life a hateful individual that gets to do whatever she wants without consequences or any real responsibility and attempt to improve yourself.

-

SS #3

From the time I knew you you did not bother to let people tell you when you were wrong and would get EXTREMELY aggressive and defensive when anyone would, you never took the time to understand when you did something wrong (outside of 1 or two instances) and would just do the same things again and again regardless of whether it was wrong or right just because you can, so ofc you wouldn't understand its wrong. you didn't care

As a minor myself (17, going on 18) I know where my boundaries are when speaking to people younger and know when and where not to cross that line BEFORE being an adult, so what's your excuse?

People don't expect you to "know everything" just the bare minimum of not being a fucking weirdo to minors, not sexually using people, and to have a little common sense.

It does not matter whether your old friend groups (WITH PEOPLE A YEAR BEHIND OR AHEAD OF YOU IN AGE) had sexual jokes normalized or not, you wouldn't go into a elementary school and start making sex jokes in front of minors irl right, because those are children, or would your humor that overrides normal common sense force you to make those jokes anyway? Seriously.

And spoiler (from what I've been told and shown by khai)

She still to this day makes sex jokes and remarks around and to her friends despite in private acknowledging she should stop acting like this. Its honestly disgusting she can allegedly have acknowledged to Khai that what she was doing is wrong, only to continue making jokes and doing things she shouldn't around her.

-

SS #4

This is Equally as weird as the rest of her response previously, I see where her intentions are but the way she's worded and executed it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth considering the nature of what she's been called out for (Being sexual around/to minors, Sexual abuse, etc)

Making the server 18+ would've been a great show of growth and intent to correct things from you if you hadn't gone "There'd still be some people underage within the server" , It's genuinely the weirdest way you could go about doing this, if you're making ANYTHING 18+ you cannot be allowing the people that are >18 to stay in, that completely defeats the purpose of upping the servers age considering 80% of the fans that'd even be joining your server and interacting are ALREADY going to be in there and verified.

This is basically like going "I'll make it 18+ but my fav minors can stay in!". If you were making your server 17+ and wanted to keep a couple 16 yr olds that are turning 17 soon in (and there was no nsfw in the server) that'd be okay! but when you're making anything 18+ that implies there's enough mature content in there to warrent it being 18+ and wouldn't be ok to keep minors in for that reason.

-

SS #5

No comment honestly, you did this to yourself and could've saved yourself and many others time and energy by admitting your wrongdoings, getting off the internet, and getting help instead of making up shit and trying to save face now that you've finally been seriously called out.

Must suck finally getting repercussions for your actions after years of being too "untouchable" for anyone to say something.

I've made my thoughts quite clear here, Do not go harass Quartelz or any of her friends. You may voice your opinions but please do so with humanity and maturity.

As much as you'd like me to "burn out" Mel, You're not gonna get what you want and I will keep fighting for people to see the real person you are and for you to get the consequences you've been owed for years now.

If you want to try and talk to me about everything that is still an option but It will not make me magically forgive or take back anything I've said or will say.

(unless there was a genuine misunderstanding with some part, but I highly doubt this since I've tried to keep everything I say as PROVABLE as possible)

[obessed-with-fictional-men]

oh my sweet Gale

I will admit, the very first run through of this game i found Gale annoying, pushy, dumped trauma everywhere, narcissistic in his knowledge of magic, and the need to prove how right his in in the subject. I often found myself thinking and saying out loud "omg shut up"..... buuuuut... having romanced him...... i found that his personality traits are the exact same as someone born as a child prodigy, had his ego inflated, alienated by everyone around him, and made to think he was superior by someone higher up just to then land on his ass.

I wont go through what i think of his character development because each play through is different, and for each player its different... but this is what i think of him over all.

Gale doesn't know how to talk to people. He doesn't have social queues that almost everyone else picks up on. Gale has spent, up till the tadpole, the exception in a lot of the situations he was put into and thus it became his default personality. Yes, for those of us who have romanced him (keeps romancing him) we see someone haunted by their past choices and watch him grow. We see the nerd that he is, but this is more about the potential Gale before we meet him. So bare with me.

He was a child prodigy and put into a prestigious school where he flourished. I can only image how his professors loved him and his fellow students less than enthusiastic response. You know what happens when you become the teachers pet? You become ostracized by your fellow peers. You know what happens when you are really good at something that usually takes A LOT of practice for others? You either get used or don't make friends. Gale has had ONE story that involved other people and it didn't involve friends, he was at a bar and defused a brawl with ale. He has openly admitted to Tara being his only real friend.

Now this isn't to say Gale never had to work at his magic or arcane knowledge to get him to where he is in the game when he first meet him. He was an archmage and the chosen of Mystera, but his innate ability to wield it as a young boy is what got Mystera's attention. Gale has stated that she was his teacher first, then his muse and finally his lover. You can only imagine how special he felt when Mystera chose him to be his guiding hand..... and then to be a lover? I don't care who you are..... That shit would have to inflate your ego. That shit would make you feel like you were SOOO much better than your fellow peers. You would have those toxic thoughts and comments of "yeah, well Mystera chose me! So who needs friends/criticism/physical lovers/ect". What do you typically do when you catch the attention of someone you highly regard? You try to impress them and do what you can to be even more impressive! So Gale's ambition grew to newer heights. I cant imagine what Mystera poisoned his mind with while they were together. Like, i get she told him to just be content with the things were.... but come on Mystera... you couldn't have expected him to stop striving to be better with a simple "nah, you're cool how you are. you don't need to be my equal". Not when the poor man has spent the last 2 decades of his life striving to be the best. His most important years for growth and development have been spent on trying to impress others.

Gale learns of a way to possibly convince Mystera to allow him into her domain and it gets a carnivorous orb shoved into his chest, dumped, stripped of his titles and holed up in his tower without nary a reason why. That had to be the biggest blow he has ever received in his entire life. His act of what he believed to be a sure fire way into getting what he wanted ended up taking almost everything away from him. If it wasn't for Tara, i'm sure Waterdeep would have succumbed his to orbs blight. The man locked himself in his tower and turned away all his colleagues and family.

So imagine, you are this lonely person... squirreled away from others and any social interaction. No one to talk to except your pet *sorry Tara* and all of a sudden you find yourself on a ship.... with a parasite in your brain and then your thrust into an adventure with a bunch of strangers. You have this orb in your chest that could blow at any time and you cant really explain WHY you need magical items.... but that if you don't get them.... everyone is in trouble.... you find your group facing monsters and doing weird ass side quests.... and at any given opportunity, you like to drop a knowledge bomb on the group.... just to find that some of the group members don't like your input... or don't listen at all.. which doesn't sit well with you. You've been told how right you are for like... 20 years... You haven't been given many acts of kindness since becoming an adult, what with your abrasive "im more knowledgeable in everything and i've slept with a goddess" personality, so when you see your fearless leader doing something nice, you approve. You grown to trust this leader enough to tell them the truth.... knowing full well they may turn on you, but they don't! You continue to watch them, and share moments of magic with them, you fight along side them, and what is this? Are you starting to develop feelings for them? Are they reciprocating these feelings?

He gets a death sentence slapped on his back and these new budding feelings he has for you need to be made known. What better way than to show you how much you mean to him than to literally paint the sky in the weave for you. To take away the Shadow-lands curse and SHOW you something better. He thinks 'the most perfect night would have to be some place im comfortable and vulnerable.... so that i can SHOW them. This is me, Gale. This is my whole world and at the center of it, my very heart'. he is literally showing you who he is. he is this studious... lonely man.. who sits in front of his fire place reading and researching... or out on his terrace watching the sunset with a book. Like, do you accept this version of me that you have not seen yet? *Not to mention the weave/ astral projected 3 gale gang bang you get while spinning through the cosmos. He is such a show off... or he just isnt confident in his own physical/ mortal ability to woo and wow*

To watch Gale throughout my few play throughs grow as a person and learn that having to much ambition can oft lead to ruin... and watch him change to just be content with himself as he is... i get a lot of comfort from it. I haven't gone down the God route yet, nor have i tried to make him more villainous, but who knows lol.

I have a lot thoughts on pre-tadpoled Gale and how his life up to that point made him who he is when we are first introduced to him. Gale is definitely my comfort character.

Sorry for the rant... or maybe im not. Once again... these are my thoughts from my multiple play throughs.

[spookysteddie]

Between The Bookshelves

18+ Minors DNI

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader (Slightly modern AU cause I just cant help myself)

Content Warnings: bullying, Eddie kinda threatens to punch Dustin, mutual pining, Eddie talks bad about himself, slight self loathing, a mention of vomit (no actual sickness), public displays of affection, kissing, kissing in public, implications of sex, swearing.

A/N: reupload due to a formatting error 🥰

…

Everyone said being friends with Eddie Munson was social suicide. That talking to the “freak” would ruin a person image, and furthermore, their life.

It was quite ridiculous. Sure, Eddie did a good job of making fun of himself, therefore making it harder for anyone to realistically bully him. He took the story in his own hands, something you thought was sweet. And to be perfectly honest, you thought he was cute. Of course that was something you kept to yourself… sort of.

Eddie’s yelling is what pulls your attention that day at lunch, “THAT’S WHAT’S KILLING THE KIDS!” He lets some cheerleaders walk past him, smiling at them warmly. You cant help but laugh. Not at him, per say.

Your friends sneer, looking at him like hes not more than dirt on the bottom of their shoe, “he’s sincerely so annoying. If he didn’t fuck around, he might actually be cute.” Piper has a habit of hating anyone who is different from her. That wasn’t unusual.

But that also wasn’t how you rolled. Sure, you were friends, but it didn’t mean you condoned that behavior. “Piper, don’t talk like that. You just don’t like him cause he’s different and loud.” Now its your turn to roll your eyes at her.

“Why are you sticking up for him? Do you see the way he acts? He’s just as much of a bully as the basketball players are.” Jason mutters from beside you. It was frustrating talking to people who couldn’t accept that someone is different from them.

So, you get up, tossing the rest of your uneaten lunch in the trash and deciding to take a walk. You couldn’t stand your friends, but you also didn’t want to drop them. Making friends wasn’t easy and the last thing you wanted was to be eating alone at lunch. So, you dealt with it. They never said anything to anyone they disliked so you figured they wouldn’t be that bad.

You wrap your arms around yourself, walking deeper into the woods. You couldn’t wait to graduate, leaving Hawkins behind to go to a college in a warm climate.

You hit something hard, making you let out a small yelp.

“Oh! I am so sorry I wasn’t… paying attention.” Eddie Munson is staring down at you, holding your arms and keeping you steady.

You laugh awkwardly, your face growing warm from embarrassment, you should’ve been watching where you were going, “N-no I should be sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” You can practically feel the lightening coming from the spots where he is holding you.

And you’re almost sad when he lets go, immediately missing his heat as he steps back, “have nothing to be sorry ‘bout sweetheart. I’m the one who needs to be more careful. Don’t wanna mark up your pretty skin.” He shooks you a wink and a little smile. And it’s then that you realize just how devastatingly beautiful you find him?

“I- I better get to fourth period. Ms. Carlisle will kill me if I’m late.” You mutter, your eyes barely meeting his, arms still wrapped around yourself.

“Be safe out there sweetheart, there are some scary men in this school.” He laughs a little, awkwardly tapping your shoulder in a friendly way. You know he’s referring to himself, but little did he know, you didn’t find him scary in the slightest.

…

It’s been close to three days since Eddie’s little encounter with you in the woods. And he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since. Of course, he hasn’t stopped thinking about you since fifth grade when you gave him a Valentine with his favorite candy at the schools Valentine’s Day party.

He knows it’s stupid, he just doesn’t care.

Well, that and the fact that he knows you could never like someone like him. Because, frankly, being friends with him equaled social suicide. And dating him? Practically the end of the world. And he couldn’t lie, that knowledge did kind of hurt him. But he would never show it, nor tell anyone. He only had a few months before he was finally out of that shit hole they called Hawkins high.

But, he couldn’t deny the electricity he felt in his finger tips as he steadied you. It wasn’t anything he’s ever felt before but it damn sure was something he wanted to feel again.

“Dude what is wrong with you today?” Dustin hits his elbow off the table, nearly making Eddie smack his face.

Jokingly, he punches Dustin in the arm, “nothing? I’m just super stressed about passing. S’all.”

They all know that’s bullshit, “Dude you’ve been staring that they girl over there like a god damn stalker. You like her or somethin’?”

He knew he could easily lie. In fact, that’s exactly what he should’ve done. But he doesn’t, knowing Dustin would eventually draw it out of him. “Okay kind of? But I barely know her. And besides, she wont like me back so I’m not worryin’ myself with it. Frankly, I wanna get the fuck out of this school.”

That was the truth. He needed out, and he needed it now. But he wouldn’t drop out. No way. He swore he’d never be like his father and he meant it. He was graduating even if it damn near kills him.

Dustin looks over at Mike, rolling his eyes and muttering a “he’s as oblivious as we thought.”

Eddie rears back, a little shocked, “I am not oblivious?”

Mike nods, taking a sip of his drink, “yes you are. She’s been sneaking look at you all lunch. And she looks away every time you guys lock eyes. Theoretically, you guys should just kiss in front of the entire school. Be less painful to watch then this…” he waves his hand around “this pining shit.”

Alls Eddie can do is blink at them, truly stunned that he was caught staring by his friends. And here he thought he was slick.

“Did you knuckleheads not hear a god damn thing I said?”

Dustin shakes his head, “we heard you. Just go get her number! She’s a girl. She isnt going to bite you… Well she might but only if you ask really, really nicely.” He flutters his lashes at Eddie, creeping in closer and grinning wildly

Eddie squints at him, “get away from me before I knock ya teeth out.”

“You’re a dick,” but he laughs anyway, knowing Eddie would never.

…

It’d been nearly a week now since you ran into Eddie. And since then, he’s done all he can to avoid you. You figured it was because he didn’t like you. That was until you caught him staring at you from the lunch table.

You also may have overheard the conversation. The tables were close enough.

And now, you had made the executive choice to get his number, maybe even invite him on a picnic.

“E-Eddie!” you call out to him, stopping him before he can get in his van.

He turns around, that devastatingly beautiful smile appearing. It nearly knocks you to the ground.

“Sweetheart! Hi. What can I do for you?” His voice light and sweet.

You cant help the shyness that creeps in. You always got nervous when you talked to others, more so people you didn’t know. Rejection wasn’t something you liked. Rocking on your toes, you take a deep breath, trying to remain cool, calm and collected.

“I, um…” you start quietly. “I just wanted to give you this… you don’t have to do anything with it. I mean, if you throw it away that-that’s your prerogative. But, um, if-if you didn’t do that… then feel free to use it!” You cut yourself off before you can ramble further. Piper told you that it’s annoying and unattractive which is the last thing you want to be to Eddie. You shakily hand him the paper, watching him open and smile at it.

“Aw, is this your number?” He’s not infantilizing you as he says it. He genuinely seems excited, though you can tell he’s trying to keep those feeling reigned in.

You nod, happy that he took it and didn’t reject you… yet. “It is. We should hang out sometime. Maybe see a movie or get ice cream.” You shrug, “ya know… whatever you think is fun.”

He smiles wider, making his eye crinkle a little. It’s cute. HE’S cute. And you knew that he could break your heart. But it didn’t matter. He could chew you up and spit you out and you’d thank him.

“I’ll let you know when I’m free.” And before you can answer, he hops in his van and drives away.

You take it as a win, for now.

…

Eddie cant deny the feeling inside his chest. It’s a mix of anxiety and pure delight. You actually gave him your number. AND invited him to hang out. And all he said was “I’ll let you know.”

“Idiot. You should’ve made plans right there. You’re such a pussy.” He berates himself as he drives.

Truly, he didn’t understand how someone like you would want to ruin her life with someone like him. I mean, its not like he was actually going to do something extravagant in life.

Or well, that is according to his teachers.

But that didn’t matter. All Eddie knew was that you gave him your number and, to him, it didn’t seem like a pity action. To him, it was genuine and insanely cute how nervous you were. It was then that he decided he was going to get you to stick around for as long as you’d have him.

…

Were you terrified he wasn’t going to call you? Yes.

Were you scared giving him your number was a mistake? Absolutely.

Did you lie awake all night waiting for him to call you? Maybe. Jury was still out on that one.

You looked over at your alarm clock that read 3:03 am. The witching hour. You couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed, feeling like you possibly read the situation wrong.

But you felt the electricity in his touch and the emotion in his eyes. Those are things you cant fake.

The ringing phone pulled you from your spiraling. You were quick to answer, praying it didn’t wake up your parents.

“Hello?” You answer, keeping your voice slightly quiet.

“Sweetheart, hi! Its um, its Eddie.” You could hear the nervousness in his voice. Kind of like he had been fighting with himself on if he should call you or not.

You cant help but grin, it may be late but he did call you, “well hello there! I thought I’d maybe written my number down wrong or something.” You giggle a little so he knows you’re joking with him.

“Now that would be funny. But, um, I know it’s late and we have class tomorrow but I didn’t know if after you wanted to maybe get smoothies? I know you like reading so maybe go to the book store? If-if you want?” Nerves clear in his voice.

The gesture was sweet, making little butterflies in your stomach. You, hanging out with Eddie Munson? A dream come true, honestly.

“I’d love that! Maybe I can convince you to read a book with me, like a little book club or something like that.”

He laughs, the sound washing over you and settling deep in your bones. You could listen to that sound on repeat; bottle it up and keep it for a rainy day. “We’ll see.” So not technically a no. Again, you’d take it as a win.

…

Eddie spent that entire school day distracted, nerves eating him up inside.

What if you didn’t like him?

What if you thought he was too weird?

What if you ran away screaming?

What if-

“Earth to Eddie? Hello?!” Dustin snaps in his face, drawing him out of his self loathing.

“Don’t snap at me like that. S’rude.”

Dustin rolls his eyes, “you’ve been bouncing your leg for the last twenty minutes, staring at the lunch table, looking like you’re about to vomit…” His eyes grow big with realization, “Which means you asked out y/n, huh?” Now hes giddy, staring at Eddie with those big eyes.

Eddie waves a hand, trying to pretend like it wasn’t a big deal, even though to him it was, “if you must know, yeah. We’re hangin’ out after school.”

Mike perks up, grinning at his friend, “oooooh, look at you go! Where are you taking her?”

Eddie grumbles a little, but he deny it kind of makes him happy his friends care. Kind of being the key word. Mainly because, he didn’t want them to do something to fuck up his chances with you. He already knew the ‘risk’ you were taking by giving him your number. He didn’t want you to slip through his fingers before he even had a chance to hold you.

“Were getting smoothies and going to the book store.”

The table is quiet for a minute, everyone staring at him before they all burst out laughing. He knows they aren’t necessarily laughing at him, but it does make him feel a tiny bit annoyed.

“You cant be serious? You don’t read.” Dustin says between laughs.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “just because I don’t read the books this prison makes me read, doesn’t mean I don’t like it.” He shrugs, “I read magazines all the time.”

“That’s not the same.” Mike teases.

Eddie shrugs, “whatever. That’s what she likes so that’s what we’re doing. I’ll make sure to come back with a detailed report considering you all got your noses in my… dating life.”

The table laughs some more before Eddie swaps the topic. But his mind is still occupied on one thing.

You.

…

“Ready to go, sweetheart?” Eddie comes up next to you after the bell rings, letting everyone go home for the day.

You grin up at him, enjoying the way his eyes light up when you’re around. “Absolutely! I’m so excited. My favorite author just released a new book so this is perfect timing! It’s a continuation of a series I already read and I’m pumped for the new one.” His attention makes you ramble, meaning you’re nervous. You mentally slap yourself, not wanting to scare him away on the first… whatever this was. Date? Friendly gesture?

He opens the door for you, letting you climb in before coming around to his side. “Well that sounds very exciting and I cant wait to hear all about it.”

…

You sip your smoothie as you peruse the aisles, scanning the shelves for the book, “this one?” Eddie holds up the book you’ve been lookin for, triumph on his face.

You grin, skipping over to him and gently taking it from his hands, flipping through. “Oh my god that’s the one! You’re amazing!” You get up on your tiptoes and kiss his cheek before you can think about it.

You pull away, realizing what you just did. You can feel your face get warm, Eddie’s growing red from a blush.

“I’m amazing? Nah, you are.” He gets closer, boxing you in against the bookshelf. No one was around, you knew that, but you can’t deny the excitement of someone seeing you two. Obviously nothing nefarious was happing, but the point stands.

“You-you are amazing too. So s-sweet.” Your eyes shift between his lips and his eyes. Gods, you wanted to kiss him. You’d wanted to kiss him for so long. And here he was, so close you could feel his body heat sinking into your bones. His smell engulfing you. It made you dizzy, but you didn’t want it to stop.

“Me? Sweet? According to everyone else I’m mean and scary.” You know he’s teasing, but the soft flash of self doubt flashes in his eyes, leaving just as fast as it came.

You shake your head, trying to swallow the knot in your throat. It didn’t work. “You’ve never been mean and scary. Always been so kind and sweet. Perfect.” Your voice comes out embarrassingly breathy, quieter than you wanted it to.

Eddie didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it only served to bring him closer to you, his lips inches from yours. You silently begged for him closer. For him to close the gap and just fucking kiss you already. “Perfect? No ones ever called me that before.”

You nod, “perfect. Just so, so perfect.” You decide to take the lead, closing the gap between you and him, brushing your lips over his to test the waters.

You feel his breath hitch before he melts into it. His hands wrapping around the back of your neck to hold you in place. The kiss is sweet, his lips soft and plump against yours.

Of course you’d been kissed before, but this kiss? This kiss felt like coming home. A feeling only talked about between the pages of your books.

He deepens it, tongue softly running over the seam of your mouth begging for entry. And the second your grant it, he’s exploring your mouth. You aren’t sure why, but you can feel the emotion in it. The way he’s holding you, like you’re sand that’s going to slip away when the tide comes in.

But you wouldn’t. Not unless he asked you to.

He breaks the kiss, panting slightly. His lips swollen and beautiful. “Wow” is all he can say as his eyes find yours.

You nod, “wow is right.” You don’t really know what else to say.

You can his mind working, trying to think of something to say. And then, “why me?” His soft voice almost too quiet to hear.

“Because you’re uniquely you.” You know it sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth. He deserved to know he was appreciated. “You make the bad days good. I’m always laughing when you’re around. And you’re just incredibly kind.” You shrug, “I wish more people got to know you like this.”

A soft smile pulls at the corner of his lips, “wanna know a secret?”

Your eyes get big and you nod quickly at him. If there was one thing you loved, it was secrets.

“I’ve had a crush on you since our fifth grade Valentine’s Day party in Ms. Kathys class.” You watch his cheeks go pink at the admission.

A small giggle bubbles in your chest, “I asked so many people what kind of candy you liked because I wanted you to notice me. I sort of had a crush on you too. And it never really went away.”

He kisses you again. This time its short, just a peck, but to you it’s just as sweet as the first one. “Maybe we can act on our crushes. Actually date.” He laughs awkwardly, “make our fifth grade selves proud?”

“Eddie Munson are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” You smile so big at him, the butterflies filling your veins when he smiles back.

“I am. I think we’d be a good match. Plus, I want in on this book club. The back of this book seems very interesting.” He wiggles his brows and your face grows hot at his implication.

“Then lets get two and head to my place. We can start the first ones.”

He smirks, kissing you once more before taking your hand, “I couldn’t be more excited.”

[drdemonprince]

if you ever have the time and space to answer this i'd be very thankful

how can i take any let downs by friends less personal and continue giving people chances/inviting them in and being vulnerable without hurting myself/gettung hurt in the process? i'm guessing the answer is to find a balance, but are there ways to go about it easier? no matter how much i try to communicate and and manage expectations... i appreciate my friends greatly, but still i often feel let down when they cant come to things that are important to me though i understand that things can happen and theres usually reasons for not being able to make something and i am not their priority number one in a system that exhausts all of us- it just keeps happening and i don't want to grow bitter and alone but cherish the people in my life and trust they are trying their best

I think you can start by practicing being more flaky and unreliable and more reliant up on your friends' grace as well! When we feel resentful, it is often a sign that we are doing far too much, and not having our needs cared for. I used to be one of the most reliable mother fuckers around -- it was my senior superlative, actually, Most Reliable! ha! -- and I resented just about everyone for being less put together, less likely to follow through, less prone to doing what they said and saying what they'd do than me. I was a bitter little Type A overachieving cunt who considered myself superior to everyone (in part because my hyper literal Autistic ass believed that if you said you were going to do something, that meant you absolutely Had to Do It and Why Would Anybody Lie about a thing like that?)

Today I am a fuckin MESS and I am a much better person for it. I amble up just barely on time, I cancel plans, I forget things, I tell someone I can't make it even if in the most literal sense I could but I don't feel like it -- and many of my friends are tired, spent, fuzzy brained exhausted messes too! And it's fine! I have some friends that I regularly rely upon to cancel our plans because it frees up a little extra room in my schedule that I always wind up needing. I'm not mad or disappointed in them for bailing, my ass is relieved because I definitely have some shit to get to myself and probably four other people that I'm kinda letting down at the moment. It's not that any of us lack concern for one another, that's just what being a busy adult is in this day and age. We have work and creative pursuits and lots of friends and fucking and exercise and tile to regrout. Shit happens. It's not a big deal if I end up needing to see the movie solo or if we need to reschedule our breakfast date. Shit happens. I have too many actual problems to make a problem out of someone having a hangover and not being able to show up to my birthday or whatever. I missed their birthday last year, but I'll make it there this year, and maybe next time they'll make mine, too. The grace of accepting chaos washes it all away. My friends are my fellow comrades in the fuckin trenches and we each get to make one another's tours a little less miserable by understanding shit's crazy and fucked and that none of it is personal and that at the end, we still love eachother and are doing our best.

With time, may you find that kind of serenity and that ability to just keep on moving in life rather than fixating on the little slights and unpredictable things that will happen whether we fight them or not. Don't read too much into anyone's cancellation of plans or lateness or flakiness. Put your mind toward more interesting problems in your life, ones that some thinking can help solve. Easier said than done, but you'll get there. If my bitter anal retentive ass could become so sloppy and lovingly blase so can you!

[baileythebean]

Vent below the cut so HUUUUGE trigger warning.

So usually I vent in my dad’s (Anomaly’s) DMs because he’s great at comforting me, but Im too pissed for this right now and I dont want to bother him. I swear I am so fucking close to actually killing myself, it’s scary.

My mom has an aversion to me ever binding. I am transmasc (FtM), and I am out to my parents. My mom claims to be a “good”, “supportive” mom, and I do occasionally have moments where I’m like “oh yeah, she’s making progress, she’s learning! :)” and then it’s always fucking ruined by saying things like “well Bailey is your nickname, your name is [deadname].” - “well you’re still biologically female.” - lots of bullshit little jabs at me whenever I ACTUALLY get brave enough to talk about my identity, which is rarely. Unfortunately, any chances of me getting a binder were ruined when I just asked her flat-out. I said it was for cosplay, just to play it safe, and it was still a hard no because “It destroys your body!” - “You wont develop properly!” - “You’ll regret it!” Along with several long rants about ALL the research she’s done, (probably barely any, and it was most likely on social media) and all the stories she’s heard about people who regretted surgery or just transitioning in general and had lawsuits for them, which is like, very low. The regret rate for transitioning is in the DECIMALS and yet she refuses to acknowledge that. We also have a history with suicide, as that’s how my dad left us, and yet she either hasn’t seen or doesnt care about trans suicide rates BECAUSE of being denied affirming care or harassment?? Anyways, here’s where my shit show of a story starts. I managed to get by fine with layering sports bras for a while and just not wearing anything tight-fitting. I figured she’d warm up to it eventually. But recently, I got a new cosplay (Venti from Genshin Impact) which involves a corset, and even if I layer or adjust the shirt, makes my chest look very weird if I dont bind. I started feeling more dysphoria than ever in my life and made a plan to get a binder before my first time wearing the costume. Said plan succeeded, and I had my friend get me the right sized binder at a birthday party one day through a queer kids program that offered them for free. I was so happy and started wearing it to get used to it and break it in since that day. Unfortunately, today I made the mistake of leaving it on my bed visibly.

My mom also has a terrible habit of going into my room and my spaces to clean, even though I usually do it myself anyway, and I LITERALLY FUCKING TELL HER NOT TO EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I dont want her touching my stuff EVER, not just when I’m trying to keep something from her. I told her to stop and she kept picking up trash, and she spotted it. She questioned me about it, and I caved, telling her what it is, how its been considered medically safe, and reciting like, ALL the safety instructions from the top of my head, hoping it would give me a chance at keeping it. I failed. I got yelled at for destroying my body, ETC ETC. finally, she says that she needs to keep my binder in her room so she can make sure I ONLY use it for cosplay and I’m pretty sure she’ll check if I’m wearing it every day.

Then this bitch PUTS MY BINDER ON and tells me it’s too tight. First, it’s supposed to be. Second, THATS NOT YOUR SIZE. I’m sobbing my eyes out right now, and the only thing keeping me alive is my boyfriend, and a literal fictional character. I want to tear my flesh from my bones when she tells me that puberty sucks for everyone, and she doesnt get the fact that it’s a million times worse for me because I’M A BOY. I’ll be lucky if I make it to the end of the year. I’m just done. I want it to be over. Someone come and end it for me, please. I cant take any more.

[kasaneteto]

im so fucking tired

why can nobody take any fucking accountability for their actions. why is it always the cat’s fault. im so fucking sorry but that cat didnt shove himself into a table. the cat didnt remove the crystal orb from where i put it back so that it was free to roll around & the cat certainly didnt magically will the orb to fall directly into his food bowl thus shattering it. so why the fuck are you then shouting “BRO!!” as if its the cats fault and not ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. im so FUCKING tired. living here is better than my apartment but at this point? just barely. everyone is slovenly and gross and cannot take any accountability for their actions. if something crazy and dangerous happens to one of them im supposed to find that funny the way they do. sorry i dont find it fucking funny that my cat is somehow sitting on active burners when im not here. sorry its not funny to me that you almost dishwashed my cat and only figured out she was in there when you tried to FORCE THE DISHWASHER CLOSED ON HER. i cant fucking take it man im gonna explode. at least i can explode on them and theyll still like me afterwards thats the only improvement from erik. i keep telling myself this was my last resort for a reason but i really didnt think it would be this bad. i didnt think my friend who i previously would have trusted with my life could be this negligible and irresponsible when it comes to cats. ive witnessed her throw things at her cat to get her to stop peeing on a blanket when her litter box stank so bad i could smell it from the hallway. her cat has scabs all over her body from anxiety, like im talking you cant touch her without feeling scabs and she has BALD spots from scratching/biting herself so much but thats just normal! thats just how alice is she has anxiety! never once felt the need to take her to the vet to try and get the fucking BALD SPOTS AND SCABS taken care of. nah shes just like that shes just in constant emtional distress and thats fine. im so FUCKING tired. im fucking tired of nobody around me taking me seriously or caring at all about the thing that are important to me. idk how the fuck im gonna get out of here but i need to. my cats are not safe here

[sasha199]

Gale/ Wyll drama pt. 4

Y’all…this game hits different when your Tav is a stand in for yourself.

My sister and I are playing a multiplayer as ourselves, as sisters. I was romancing/flirting with both Gale and Wyll. I made a move on Lae’zel too but THAT ended in tears. Sister is pulling both Astarion and Shadowheart.

(I’m Sasha, sister is Marlie.)

Gale and I are standing in front of a rock out cropping at the edge of camp. The red leaves of the trees around us are stark against the shadowy sky, it’s almost lovely.

Gale has his back to me, I wait patiently saying nothing, he’s the one who wants to talk, after all. He turns to me and closes the distance between us. I clear my throat and stand up straighter. He says nothing, purses his lips, just looks at me. His eyes linger on my hair, my mouth, my neck. I suddenly feel a bit exposed in Karlach’s old camp clothes. It’s taking every bit of my will power to not say anything.

“Your cheeks are flush.” I stare at him. All that build up for a comment about my coloring?

“What?”

“Pink, your cheeks are pink,” he continues, his tone is matter of fact, like it's a simple observation, “and your eyes are bright. Shining. There’s a new twinkle there, and it’s not because of me.”

“It used to be.”

His face falls a bit at that and a twist of shame churns in my gut.

“It is Wyll, yes?”

“Well-“

“The connection is palpable,” he glances down, taps his temple, “no tadpole required. Was there a reason you went to speak to him when you knew I was looking for you?”

“I -“

“Because I told everyone that I wanted to speak with you. Marlie said she would find you.”

“She did.” I keep my tone even, “I knew.”

“So you hid from me.” He sounds hurt, “And then you had the gall to walk right past me when you knew I was desperate to-“ he cuts himself off. His tone is rising and I can tell he’s trying to stay calm.

“Gale.”

His eyes are so beautiful, they were the first thing I fell in love with, way back at the portal. Brown, shining and immensly expresive. When they focus on me the rest of the world falls away, or could burn for all I care.

“I’m out of words.”

I can’t believe he’d choose to close them forever. I'd never again see them alight with curiosity or sparkle with mischief. 

“Every conversation we have always comes back to the orb...and I can’t.”

There wouldn't even be a body to bury. Nothing except memory to mark that Gale had ever existed. Who would be responsible for telling his mother? Tara? And us, his friends, his found family...what would we do? Just go on as if nothing had happened? Pretend that the world wasn't suddenly darker and more depressing and Gale-less?

“I can’t listen to you talk about ending your life anymore. I don’t know…”

And me? What would I do? How would I go on? My life would be so desperately quiet.

“…how to convince you to not do this. I've come to see that perhaps I cant, and…”

I can feel my throat closing, my eyes stinging as I blink the tears away, “and it…it hurts.”

I love you.

I bring my hands up to my face, the tears are finally falling, burning with my frustration and helplessness. I take a shuddering breath and Gale is right there, inches from me. He places a tentative hand on each of my arms, as if he wants to hold me but doesn’t know if he should.

I love you, you stupid adorable wizard.

I lean into him, resting my head just below his collar bone and his arms envelope me. His beard nestles in my hair and I can feel his warm hands on my bare back.

He holds me. Snug in his embrace I let the sobs wrack me. I've been holding them in for so long. The pain of his rejection, the heartache at being unable to reach him. I hate that he built walls around himself and refused to let me in. At the tiefling celebration a month ago, I had laid myself bare. I had been so sure that he wanted me, that he cared for me and I had gone to bed that evening alone, feeling absolutely unloved.

I cling to him with a pathetic desperation. He feels so solid and safe, he smells like new robes and an autumn day. His chest is surprisingly firm, I can feel his heart thudding and I savor it. It feels strong, like it could go on forever, but I don’t know how much longer it has.

I attempt to get my breathing under control. He breathes deep with me, murmuring soothing words, stroking my back, giving me shivers. I don’t want to pull my face away because my nose is running, and I must look such a mess.

Once I feel a bit more emotionally regulated I cover my face with hands. I'm trying to hide my smeared make up. He pulls a handkerchief from his robes and hands it to me. “I'm sorry,” my voice is shakey, "I didn't mean to...I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams. And now there's snot on your robes."

“No matter,” he says graciously, his voice sounds thick and tender.

I chuckle to myself, “You should’ve seen Marlie’s face when I bought them, the price was so-“

The kiss cuts me off mid-word. I’m so surprised my eyes are open. I can see his long soft lashes, the whispy veins that trail up under his left eye. A whimper slips out of me as he pulls me against his length, deepening the kiss. My breasts press against his chest and his hips are flush with mine. He tangles a hand in my hair and moans as he sucks my bottom lip, tasting me. I open my mouth for him. Our tongues dance, hot breath mingling and I feel like I’m on fire. It’s everything I ever wanted, more than I could’ve hoped for. I kiss him fiercely, trying desperately to show the depth of my love in this one searing passionate moment.

Stay with me.

I love the scratch of his stubble, the soft clean scent of him, I run my fingers along his shoulders, his back, anywhere I can reach. He moans again, a deep satisfied rumble in his chest. I never want it to end.

As we come up for air, he huffs a laugh, “Apologies, I should have asked first.” He’s breathless, half grinning.

“I forgive you,” I kiss him again, a gentle kiss against damp lips, “this time.”

He clears his throat and touches my hair, pulls a soft curl taunt to watch it spring back. I reach up and undo the leather cord that keeps my hair (more or less) out of my face and give my head a shake.

He watches me for a moment before coming back to the business at hand. “Wyll is…he is a good man. I’ll not hesitate to say so. He would be good for you…But…I had hoped…” he trails off looking a bit lost.

“What did you hope?”

He reaches for my hair again, gently tucking it behind my ear. It springs back with a will of its own. “I had hoped I was a good man also, and a worthy one.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, “sorry I didn’t say anything about Wyll sooner, I mean. I should’ve-“

“You can tell me now,” he interjects, “who is it to be? Me or him?”

“You want me to choose? I-I didn’t even know you felt that way about me, Gale.”

He has the nerve to look shocked. He takes my hand in his, “I don’t know what more I could’ve done. You must know that I-“

“That you what?" I sound bitter, bitter and mean, but I press on anyway, "I’ve only ever thrown myself at you, Gale, and you rejected me at every turn. Yes, yes I know,” I raise my voice slightly as he looks about to speak over me, “please don’t make me talk about that bloody orb right now. I will scream.”

“Perhaps I should’ve done more,” he interlocks our fingers, traces my palm with his thumb “been more charming, more flattering, harder to reach, I don’t know.” He looks distraught, and my heart aches for him. “I was only ever myself, I hoped it would be enough.” He brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses the inside of my wrist. He nuzzles the sensitive skin, closes his eyes as if he's relishing the feel of me. "I've always wanted you, so much so that I couldn't risk it. I dare not risk it...touching you, kissing you...gods the hours I've wasted lost in my own mind with you..." he blushes a little, his cheek going warm under my hand.

I have a retort poised at the tip of my tongue. Even now I want to hurt him, to lash out. Why did he wait until someone else made it clear they wanted to be with me? Why did he wait for me to resign myself to the fact that I was not going to get what I wanted? It was unfair. To me and to Wyll.

"And if I said that it was too late?"

He opens his eyes, and tucks my hand against his chest, a small sigh escapes his lips and he takes a moment before he responds. "Then I will accept your decision. Graciously."

But before I can say more, he pulls me back into his embrace. His grip on me is firm and there is an intensity in his voice that surprises me. "Tell me I'm not, Sasha. I didn't mean to make you wait so long. Please."

I rest my face against his shoulder. Slowly I wrap my arms around his waist. What do I want? How do I choose? 

“Do you remember our magic lesson?”

He pulls back a little to look down at my face, “The one you failed, yes.”

I give him a look, “Thanks.”

“That was my fault,” he adds quickly.

“Well, remember, you told me then that you were not a big believer in fate but that you believed in serendipity. Is that still true?”

“Uh…yes. I suppose.”

“You said you wanted to embrace me.” I lay my head back on his chest, “And now you have.”

“I’d like to again,” he whispers tracing his fingers up along my spine, "and again and again."

“You will,” I say softly, “because I choose you.”

[astraystayastayastray]

Black Hole

pairing: fem!reader + idol!bangchan

featuring: other members of straykids briefly appears

genre: soulmates au

warning: toothrotting fluff!

song by: Bangchan and I.N of Straykids (SoundCloud below the cut)

a/n: hey yall im not dead <3 heres a small lyric fic with bangchan! im finally away from work on a little christmas vacation with my family so i might squeeze in maybe one fully finished oneshot soon! please support by reblogging! ty!!

Description: Bangchan falls in love with you at first sight and cant help wanting to believe in the theory of soulmates after seeing your smile.

DO NOT COPY WORK.

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"Thank you STAY!" Felix waves at the fans before him who are happily cheering for him and his group.

"Yeah! We'll be back!!" Han jumps up and down, trying to take in every single STAY in front of him.

"Don't forget us STAY! Don't go to other idols' concerts!" Seungmin jabs a finger up at the stars above, pointing to tell his fans never to forget this beautiful day.

As you obediently glance up at the night atmosphere, you breathe into the bustling air of excitement and listen to the exclamations of some of the other fans around you.

Shining brightly in front of my eyes

Is a whirlwind of time and space,

The falling sky warmly surrounds and caresses me

Today, Stray Kids did their comeback tour outdoors under the bright star constellations, the stage illuminating the darkness and casting away any fear or anxious nervousness.

In other words, the perfect weather, the perfect setting, and the perfect family to share this memory with, made everything feel like home.

I fall into you again,

Into your heart,

Leaving myself to gravity

You suddenly hear gasps and cheers around you. The group has split up to bid goodbye to STAYS who would have to leave soon.

You quickly put away your phone which was overflowing with pictures and videos, attempting a big wave at Jeongin who was walking close by your seat.

He spots you, grins, and lightly gestures to the idol behind him that you were here.

Bangchan emerges from behind the maknae and sees you as well. He smiles as if he could wish for nothing more that can make him happier than he was now.

You wave again, giving your boyfriend a thumbs up and a heart.

Minho also joins the two idols, hopping off the stage together to meet the fans in your part of the area.

Jeongin and Minho rushes off to take pictures with STAY, but Bangchan continues to trot over to where you are.

Everybody screamed and rushed around to get a picture with the Bangchan, getting closer and closer to where you were. You who were squished between the mobs of overexcited fans, could barely see him approaching as you fought to keep yourself in your seat.

You can hear a light chuckle as a strong arm grasps your waist and pulls you up. Bangchan gives a light squeeze on your arm and quickly lets go, waving to everyone around you as if nothing had happened.

I’m trapped in your space again,

There’s nothing I can do

But fall in love

People cheer for Bangchan's sincere care for a fellow STAY, but between the two of you, it is an interaction of two couples, amidst the stardust of joy.

The moment we touch each other amidst the stardust

I know that baby you are the one

"Alright! We're leaving now!! Bye STAY! Eat well! Don't forget your Binnie!"

A final cheer follows Changbin's remark and erupts the night as the group at last exits the stage.

Fans around you bustle out, but you stay where you are, wishing this moment could last forever.

You reach for your bag to get your phone and take an uber home but you notice a piece of sticky note clinging onto your jacket.

Curiously glancing at the paper, you read, "I'll be outside! Take your time!!"

Smiling, you hurriedly scramble out of the outdoor stadium, searching for your boyfriend.

Suddenly, you feel the same strong arms that touched you minutes ago, grasping tightly around you from behind.

"Hey baby~"

"Channi-!"

"Shh! Remember we're in public?!"

"Right!" You act a whole skit of zipping your mouth shut. You then smile happily at the man in front of you.

Chan was wearing a black cap over his styled hair and an additional mask that covered his face. "What am I going to do with you," he says as he gently rests an exhausted head onto your shoulder.

Carefully brushing away sweaty, damaged hair from his masked face, you pull away from Chan and glance up into his sparkling eyes. "Tired?"

"Mmm," he nods and envelopes you into another hug.

Giggling, you take his hand and walk along the sidewalk of the streets. There was a long comfortable silence as you two walked past bustling cars and excited fans all ready to leave.

You find privacy behind a large lamppost that covers the two of you from anyone else's view.

"Still tired?"

"Yeah."

"You know the whole purpose of this walk was to get you energized so you can head back to your dorm properly, right?"

Gasping, your boyfriend clutches his chest and says, "It wasnt because you wanted to see me?!"

Laughing you put your hands on your boyfriend's cheeks and gave a light kiss onto his mask. "I love you so much, but you need rest! Cmon, let's go-" You feel your hands being placed onto one's neck. You raise an eyebrow as Chan sets his hands on your waist. "Now what is this? Where has my tired boyfriend gone to??"

"Shh, im tired, lemme rest."

"Not here! Not like this! You need to go before the other boys steal all your dinner!"

Laughing, Chan remains in place and gives you the cutest puppy eyes - or.. wolf eyes - you've ever seen. "I thought you wanted to leave cuz of the cold but you were worrying about me?"

Blushing furiously, you slap the arms wrapped around your waist.

"Alright alright," he chuckles. "Let's go now-"

"OMG CHANNIE! LOOK!" Above the two of you, tiny stars started drifting through the air, forming a giant constellation together that stretched across the entire sky like one huge veil.

"Well wouldya look at that. I've never seem anything like this!" Chan is quick to lift you up into a piggy-back-ride before you can refuse.

Squealing from overwhelming joy, you abandon all effort of trying to act mature for once and willingly grasped onto your boyfriend's neck.

You and I, our hearts are like the stars,

They shine brightly for each other

To the people around you, it might seem like two crazy couples acting all lovey-dovey and childish - a temporary love that would eventually close to an end.

A love between an idol and a fan.

Anything could go wrong. Chaos being the result for the both of you.

But the two of you decide to put away these fears just for one day and enjoy life as it is, as fate had tied you together.

Is it a coincidence or is it meant to be?

After a flurry of jumping, admiring, kissing, and piggy-back-riding, you both rest underneath the giant lamppost once again, even more exhausted after the fun.

But now, a bright glow outshines your boyfriend's exhausted eyes. You swing your legs with enthusiasm and look up at your lover. "Chan," you start.

"Yes, babe?"

"Do you believe in soulmates? In true love? Do you think love at first sight exists - that we can exist together forever?"

The moment we touch each other amidst the stardust

I know that baby you are the one

Your boyfriend turns to you and what he says next engraves into your brain - even until now.

“You are my fate, I am your mate

"No matter what happens, I want to keep loving you forever, like how the stars above us are eternally weaved into the galaxies.

"You are my galaxy, my star, my world.

Swirling up the vast emptiness,

We will shine."

⋆⭒˚｡⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖

Check out masterlist for more.

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED! THANKS FOR READING!

[sincerely-sofie]

still cant get over travailshipping. i remember when you first tested the waters with it (which i believe was some time before the tpiag chapters started coming out?) and at first i thought it was pretty funny. ark slowly but surely falling headfirst for twig, who if she had a tagline it would be "if i could turn my feelings into weapons, mine would be a goddamn nuclear bomb", and her at first just being oblivious to it and thinking that the letters that expressed love and care that were written in cursive in her mailbox were just funny and she wanted to show them to ark with the guy just looking at her with the most "well that backfired in the weirdest way possible". but when tpiag finally ended i finally connected the dots as to why these two are just. augh. i wont go into detail here in your askbox but i wanna know is: HOW DID YOU DO IT. HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING SUCH GOOD IDEAS FOR THE FUNNY DIGITAL ANIMALS. TELL ME.

(thinking to myself) "Ugh I should stop posting so much travailshipping stuff... It's probably so annoying to everyone who sees it. I feel bad for my poor followers. I'll check my inbox real quick and then commit to shaking up my content by—" *gets obliterated by your niceness*

Oh man. I remember posting that poll where I hesitantly described a possible Darkrai/Twig pairing in the tags while proposing Twig/Kip as an alternative route, despite it not being the direction I wanted to take the characters, because I was so scared of what people’s reactions might be. If I remember right, I posted it a little bit before I had just barely reached 5k words in the first draft of TPiaG.

I've been trying to write up detailed responses to how I come up with good ideas for travailshipping in particular, but there's one rule I use that defines everything after it and speaks for all of them: I have fun with the characters.

That's it. That's the rule. If I don't want to write a subject, I don't. I stick with what I find enjoyable and resonant. Does a joke make me laugh? Does a scene make me cry? Does a villain make me punch a hole in my wall? Does a cute gesture make me squeal? If so, then into the project it goes. I think people can feel when someone is having fun with their work, and that fun radiates out into their own experience consuming that work. It's like laughter— joy is something we're sharing with others as long as we feel it. Fun is contagious.

Also: when you don't force yourself to make things you hate, you attract people who like the same things as you. These people will find your work even more fun— because not only did you have fun making it, they're having double fun consuming it.

An important tangent I'll go off on is that I think that every creative project idea is a good idea. There's so many beloved bizarro ideas in the world, even the ones who try to be cool about how weird their premises are. There's this weird show where the main character works as a service industry worker in an underwater setting that's ruled by a Roman deity— he lives in a piece of fruit, and his pet gastropod makes cat noises. This show sounds like word salad garbage on paper and could be tossed out for its nonsensical nature, and yet SpongeBob SquarePants has made Nickelodeon over $13 billion dollars and is a treasured part of many childhoods. There's also a character who spends his time locked in intellectual and physical combat with a wannabe clown and wears a costume with bat ears while doing it. Batman's been an icon for over 80 years.

All of this is to say:

Ideas are always good ideas by virtue of existing. They don't derive their goodness from external sources. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Make more of what you love. Don't make things you hate making.

If you have fun while making the thing, people will have fun while they consume the thing's content.

I hope this makes sense. I didn't touch on idea generation as much as embracing existing ideas. Fingers crossed that was the right response. I'd just woken up from a nap as I was writing it, so hopefully it's not too meandering and managed to answer the question and—

— Oh shoot. Was that a hypothetical question??? Uh. Sorry if I went off on this rant when you were just trying to voice your niceness. Oops. 🫥