#i cannot wait to see this game get dissected

[waywardsalt]

found an 8 hour video about who’s lila i love weird little indie games with insane depth

[girl-named-matty]

Why I don't like Solomon Sallow

(I worked this out on a google docs first and that has some screenshots i couldn't fit into here so after this post imma post some screenshots of the document) SO HI EVERYONE! You'll probably remember what I posted yesterday about dissecting the scene where you first go to Feldcroft in order to find out just a few things about Solomon upfront, so here it is! Buckle up because it is a lot.

Why I dislike Solomon Sallow, by me. ��� Based on the scene where you first arrive in Feldcroft to visit Anne with Sebastian. 

So I’ve just finished writing this scene for my fanfiction and going over the dialogue so carefully has made me realize just how much from this scene only we can see why Solomon was just a horrible person in general–if it wasn’t already obvious by now. I’ve been wanting to dissect scenes from the game for quite a while now and I think this presents a perfect opportunity to do it! 

First, we’re going to start out when MC first arrives in Feldcroft and Sebastian is standing up on a ‘watch-tower’ to keep an eye on things since Feldcroft hasn’t been safe with all the goblins around. And then he states this: 

Now, the goblins being around Rookwood castle isn’t Solomon’s fault. But being a resident of Feldcroft and being an ex-Auror, one would assume that he’d at least check it out, correct? Nope. Because Sebastian goes on to say this as well:

Now at the time, everyone thinks that Anne has been cursed by Goblins and not Rookwood, even Solomon does. But even with Solomon thinking the goblins had cursed Anne, he refuses to confront them even though we know he could since two fifteen-year-olds (Sebastian and MC) could easily defend themselves against said goblins. 

And this leads us into our second segment. 

We are now at the Sallow residence in Feldcroft and Sebastian walks in first, going to surprise Anne. Everything is happy and Anne is extremely excited to see Sebastian as shown in this picture: 

Sebastian then pulls out a Shrivelfig, something he picked up in Hogsmeade for Anne.

Now from that screenshot alone, we can’t really tell if Anne just really likes shrivelfigs or if she thought it could be the cure–but from what happens next I can safely assume she may have thought it was some form of cure. 

Because as shown right here–SOLOMON JUST YOINKS IT OUT OF SEBASTIAN’S HAND. 

Solomon doesn’t give Anne and Sebastian even a moment to have a proper reunion, he doesn’t say hello to Sebastian, or greet MC, he doesn’t wait until MC is out of the house to have a conversation with Sebastian like a civil person would if a guest were around. In fact, he doesn’t do anything civilly, he starts an argument with Sebastian RIGHT there and then over a shrivelfig! 

He looks at Sebastian and tells him that Shrivelfigs cannot reverse the curse. But we have no background to if they’ve ever even tried to do something with a shrivelfig to even help ease Anne’s pain. Since Hogwarts Legacy came out, the wiki for shrivelfigs has stated that they cannot reverse curses but it does have “medicinal properties' which could’ve at least perhaps eased Anne’s pain for even just a bit. 

But what is even worse is that when he says “Nothing can” he looks DIRECTLY AT ANNE!

Why would he look directly at Anne while saying nothing can reverse the curse she has? Probably because he wants her to believe that she cannot be cured. He’s tired of trying to find one and so if Anne isn’t complaining about not having a cure, he doesn’t have to hear about it from anyone other than Sebastian. I’ve had conversations with friends about this and have a few theories about this situation but that’s for a different post. Then Solomon proceeds to destroy the Shrivelfig right in front of Sebastian and Anne.

Now, this is possibly a bit of a stretch but Sebastian got that for Anne and not Solomon so he’s basically just destroying a gift that Sebastian took the time to get for her right in front of the both of them which is a pretty crappy move in my opinion.

Then he turns to leave, yet again not even taking the time to say hello to Sebastian or MC and of course Sebastian, feeling like he needs to defend himself, says that they haven’t tried everything–which is technically correct. But then of course, instead of Solomon civilly telling Sebastian that there is no cure–It turns into another shouting match.

He gets up in Sebastian’s face and shouts at him, right in front of Anne and MC. Wow Solomon! I wonder why your nephew hates you. 

Yes I understand that Sebastian is a stubborn boy but at this point in time, he’s a fifteen-year-old boy who is desperate to cure his twin sister! Before this, all he had was Anne and Ominis because his parents were dead and his uncle truly never cared. Let’s say MC had never come into the mix and Anne died, all he would have was Ominis. This is an act of Sebastian trying to preserve the last of the people who love him. 

And then, unfortunately, the effects of the curse start to pain Anne.

The first thing they do is look over but instead of Solomon immediately going to Anne’s aid, he has to look at Sebastian and blame him for Anne’s pain.

Then he goes over to Anne to aid her and Sebastian tries to apologize for the argument that Solomon started.

Then instead of letting Sebastian apologize, Solomon tells Sebastian to leave.

He doesn’t even give Sebastian a chance. He’s fed up and doesn’t even want his nephew around. My whole guess is that he’s truly never wanted Sebastian around and this was all just an excuse. This leads us into our third segment.  Sebastian storms out of the house and tells MC that he needs a moment alone if they are alright with it. Then MC will go talk to Solomon and Anne and for this, we’re going to speak to Solomon first.  You go up and you greet Solomon, everything seems normal. Solomon apologizes for Sebastian’s behavior claiming “he doesn’t know when to stop” which is true in some cases.

When he says this, this is not a fact, and we have to keep that in mind. When he says nothing can be done for her–that’s his opinion because HE doesn’t think anything can be done for her. Which opinions are okay to have, but using your opinions to discourage others is usually not the way you want to use them. 

Now after this, MC can say two different things. If you pick the option “Surely there’s something” your MC will say “It could be that you’ve not yet discovered a cure.” so in turn, slightly disagreeing with Solomon’s statement that nothing can be done but not downright disagreeing with him out loud. 

But again, instead of Solomon holding a civil conversation, he starts to accuse MC of thinking they know more than the healers at St. Mungo's. 

Now did MC ever claim to know better than the trained healers? NO! So why is he assuming this? It’s because he’s incapable of having a civil conversation regarding the curse if anyone disagrees with him in the slightest. We see this several more times throughout the game! 

After this, your MC will say “Perhaps the healers don't know everything, sir.” which is in turn–correct because as skilled as they are, no one knows everything. And keep in mind that MC is calling Solomon “sir” being respectful while Solomon is not, he is shouting and spouting off. MC then follows up with “Sebastian is single-mindedly focused on finding a way to help his sister. If there is a cure, he will find it.”  Then Solomon responds with this.

Yet again going back to the fact that he could easily confront the goblins but he never does. You have a dialogue choice here but both of them really just lead back to this statement.

He claims giving Anne hope is cruel because he doesn’t want her to have hope that she can be cured but in my opinion—not giving her hope is just as cruel! Imagine telling your niece, the child you are supposed to be raising, that there is nothing that could possibly cure her and so she is stuck feeling immense pain for the rest of her possibly short life even when there are still chances of finding a cure! I’m not sure about anyone else, but that sounds pretty cruel to me. I can see why you’d want to keep her comfortable but its still keeping her comfortable for her impending death when there’s still a chance she can be cured. 

Then, as if he’s been acting like a good guardian, Solomon plays this card.

He says he knows what's best for both of the twins–which is clearly not true seeing how he treats Sebastian. Then he goes to say “my stubborn brother’s children” which always makes me think that Solomon had something against his brother–a rivalry possibly–that led them into fighting a lot and so Solomon takes his anger for his late brother out onto his brother's children. Which, keep in mind, is never okay. 

Sebastian is a target of Solomon’s constant attacks because Sebastian acts like his dad. And that’s just the nature of a young boy to act like their father. Also, to Solomon, are you sure your brother was the stubborn one here…?

Solomon follows up with this and then this.

THIS ^^ is probably the only sensible thing he says during the entire game. Yes, Sebastian doesn’t know when to stop sometimes but I wonder why he doesn’t stop. It’s because he’s constantly being verbally attacked and Anne is the LAST bit of family he has that actually loves him! Of course he isn’t going to stop–he’s trying to save the life of his twin sister! 

Our fourth segment leads us into our conversation with Anne–which gives us more perspective since we get all three perspectives of the Sallows who were involved in this. 

MC enters the house and apologizes for earlier and Anne–being the sweet girl she is, reassures MC that it is not their fault for the pain she has.

It’s clear she’s struggling but she always makes sure to make it clear that it is not anyone’s fault when her pain comes and goes. Meaning Solomon was wrong by blaming Sebastian for Anne’s pain during the argument. 

MC and Anne go on to talk about Anne being at Hogwarts and how she misses it but she says she wouldn’t mind being in Feldcroft all the time if it weren’t so dreary. That meaning, the goblin attacks and of course, her uncle and brother fighting all the time.

She says this but the way she words it makes me think a few things. She mentions that Solomon is fighting with Sebastian whenever he’s home. Which this could be a stretch but that makes me believe that Solomon starts the majority of the arguments that they are in. As seen earlier, Solomon started this one as well instead of letting the scene play out before he jumped in. Not only does Solomon starting arguments affect Sebastian, it affects Anne too! 

MC will then say “Sebastian mentioned something about your uncle being an ex-Auror but refusing to go after Ranrok’s Loyalists'' and while I’m not an uncle, I am an aunt and if someone cursed my niece especially while she was in my care–I’d be burning down the goblin encampment while demanding answers. Then MC says “I must say, I wasn’t prepared for him to be as angry as he was''

Then Anne goes to defend her uncle, which is understandable.

BUUUUUT then we get into Anne now thinking she cannot be cured, saying that she can feel it.

Now I am not about to argue with the victim of the curse for saying she doesn’t think she can be cured–after all, she is the one suffering. But from what we saw with Solomon looking directly at Anne while saying “nothing can” referring to nothing can cure her, how much of her disbelief about her being able to be cured is actually coming from Solomon that she has just accepted and isn’t actually her own belief? 

After that, you finish up your conversation with Anne and go to find Sebastian which leads us into our fifth and final segment.

Now, Sebastian does the same thing Solomon does and apologizes to MC for the way he acted–which means they are sort of the two sides to the same coin when it comes to how others perceive them. Both feel like they need to apologize for something that the other has done–even when only one of them is actually in the wrong. You have two options for dialogue here. You can either choose “He was out of line” which will lead you into saying “I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting him to be so angry.” or you can chose “He’s trying to do what’s right” which I honestly have no idea what that option will lead you to say because I’ve never chosen it and I went through nine different playthroughs I found on YouTube and nobody chose that option so I assume people agree that he was out of line. (If anyone could tell me what MC says if you chose the option “He’s trying to do what’s right”, that’d be lovely) 

SO if you chose “He was out of line” which leads to you saying the part that you weren’t expecting him to be so angry, Sebastian will reply "He's always angry. He's been angry since my parents died." and "After Anne was hurt, he only grew worse. It's as though he blames me somehow. Always calling me 'my father's son' as if its an insult." (I apologize for the lack of screenshots here, I wrote this out on a google docs sheet before this and tumblr only allows me to have 30 pictures in post so screenshots of the doc are coming soon!) This brings us back to what I said earlier about Solomon deflecting his angry feelings from his late brother onto the twins and he most likely targets Sebastian the most because Sebastian acts the most like his father. Sebastian will go on to say “I’m the one trying to help her. He’s simply given up.” to which MC will reply, “Both Anne and your uncle seem to be genuinely convinced that nothing more can be done for her.” 

To that, Sebastian replies that he refuses to believe that, that Anne’s pain is more than physical, that it’s changed her entirely, and that he misses her and is going to get his sister back. 

After that you’ll go and explore the plateau that Anne was cursed on yada yada and you’ll get a bit of background on that.

So–what's the conclusion of all of this? 

Solomon is just a horrible person. 

He immediately starts an argument with Sebastian in front of Anne and MC over a shrivelfig, no less. And I don’t know about you but it's always so awkward when a friend gets yelled at by their parents/guardian and it's pretty embarrassing when it happens to you and you're the one being shouted at. 

He’s either subconsciously or consciously trying to convince Anne that she cannot be cured by telling her “Nothing can” and by always screaming at Sebastian that nothing can cure her. When he shouts, it's scary, so obviously Anne isn’t going to want to speak up for herself and get screamed at. 

He verbally abuses Sebastian–and probably Anne in the past as well. Now I’ve seen theories that there is possible physical abuse which I have also had theories about but it’s never been proven so I’m not gonna accuse him of such a crime BUT there is obvious evidence that he has no problem verbally abusing Sebastian at all by screaming, shouting and yada yada. 

He’s taking his anger that he has for his late brother out on Sebastian and Anne, which is never okay. Children are never responsible for the sins of the father–and we don’t even know if their father did do anything wrong! From how Solomon acts, he could’ve totally been in the wrong for whatever arguments they had. And Sebastian is a target because he acts the most like his father. 

And although this isn’t in this scene, Solomon has no problem attacking two 15/16-year-olds (who are still legally children) in the catacomb.  So the conclusion is that Solomon Sallow is not a good person and he has no problem showing it. And that you can see so much just from this one scene that probably lasts only a few minutes. 

I rest my case. 

Taglist: @boomingsmile @biographyofanadult @kit-kair @operation-pez @morelikeravenbore @findingtruenorth23 @follesexual @epicsweetness712 @mcyt-trash-can @sallowgauntsupremacy @kukukha-sanctuary

[ibviously]

Project Pollux

Summary: Worlds collide when Agent Dioscuri is intercepted by Natasha Romanov. As the Avengers scramble to keep infinity stones from Thanos’s grasp, Agent Dioscuri scrambles from theirs. When the past is dissected and history resurfaces, Dioscuri fights to contain ugly, imperative truths. A pawn in the middle of a death-match, Dioscuri is forced to pick a side, or end up flipping the board.

Chapter Summary: The Avengers kidnap an important asset.

Warnings: Descriptions of torture, violence, and nudity.

Chapter One- Gentleman

“Gentlemen, I am joking, of course, and I myself know that I am not joking very successfully, but one really cannot take everything as a joke. Maybe I am grinding my teeth as I joke. Gentlemen, I am tormented by questions; resolve them for me.” From Notes from Underground, Fydor Dostoevsky

December 31st, 2015. New Year’s Eve. Avengers Compound, New York, NY. 11:43 pm.

Tony taps his glasses once, then twice, to recalibrate the lens. He has to be sure what he is seeing is real. He needs assurance that this is raw, unadulterated footage. The glasses ping softly, confirming his dread. The images projected in front of him move seamlessly, one moment flowing into the next, the way moments do. At the end of the third play-through, Tony spins on his heels. The pulse of revelry and hot-blooded fun sound beneath his lab. He had sworn off work tonight- no tinkering or analysis of any nature. But Fury’s text, “Get on this, now,” had been too intriguing.

Now, he wishes he had never watched. Now, he scrambles down the glass stairs, descending into the compound’s main room and submerging himself into the crash of bodies. Lights throw stripes of color around the room. Heat blooms under his suit and he tugs off his tie. Finally, after throwing a few “pardon me” elbows, Tony surfaces to a splay of couches by the bar.

Natasha was mixes a drink, Banner leaning over to watch her process. Bucky and Steve are engaged into what looks like a game of rock paper scissors, during which Tony catches the phrase “No fair, Buck. I swear, the arm, it knows.” Thor galavants around, offering swigs of Asgardian liquor to “whomever dared.” Clint throw his head back in laughter, arms slung around Rhodey and Sam. Wanda and Peitro stand behind the sofa, watching the display with wide, amused eyes, leaning into each other’s ears to whisper something in Sokovian. Vision sits straight-backed next to Sam, with a pink party hat strapped to his chin.

A tug of frustration pulls in Tony’s chest. He could just leave this till tomorrow and let the team have one goddamn night of undiluted peace. Tony sighs, drawing the attention of the team, who had unknowingly concentrated themselves to a small section of the sprawling party. The sight warmed Tony’s cold blood- the mutual gravitation of friends. He wanted to tell them to all sit still so FRIDAY could mock-up a Renaissance-style painting. He pushes the thought aside.

“Stark?” Steve ask-commands, the pure glow of his blue eyes squashed by the furrow of his brow. The entire area stilled.

Straightening his spine and relaxing into his usual swagger, Tony takes off his glasses and tucks them into his button-down. “I have good news,” he drawls, motioning for Banner to come near. At his arrival, he plucks the drink Natasha had made him and, in one fluid motion, swallows it down, coughing at the burn. The team waited with straining patience.

Tony coughed, “Uh-“ Another cough. “Ruh- Romanov knows how to make a strong drink.”

Vision, who had removed his party hat, speaks up from the corner, saying, “Tony, I feel there is a shared sentiment of impatience. We would like to know what is wrong.”

Gathering himself, Tony swishes a hand of acknowledgement. “Yeah- yeah, and I am here to tell you. Drum roll please…” Pietro alone thrums his hands against his knees.

“I found the Soul Stone!”

Romanov slinks from behind the bar. “Where?” The words come clipped and taunt.

Tony casts a lazy finger in Romanov’s direction, and an even lazier wink. “That is the obligatory accompaniment to aforementioned ‘good news.’”

Bucky rises to his feet, his arm sending whisper-whirls into the hushed space. Beyond their pensive superhero bubble of concern, the party bounces along into the night, building to the apex of the night; twelve o’clock. “Spit it out, Stark,” Bucky grumbles.

“The Soul Stone is in a girl.”

From the corner, Tony hears an attempt at swallowing laughter, followed by the word “kinky” and a slap of Wanda’s hand against Pietro’s shoulder.

“Yes, yes. This is all very funny- accept it’s true and it’s a huge pain in my ass.” With a languid flick of his wrist, Tony sent the holograph blooming into the center of the circle, paused on the image of a young girl. She huddled in a corner, with a blanket wrapped around her body and her arms wrapped around her legs. Tucked into herself, the girl stares into the camera, unblinking. Around her, black steel walls. The image shook- an indication of a presence behind the lens, adjusting the shot. A disembodied voice sounds, clearly the operator of the camera.

“Dioscuri.” It commands. The girl’s eyes widen in fear.

Bucky, who had removed himself form his spot on the sofa next to Steve, was stricken into a stillness that drew more attention than movement. His eyes did not move from the hologram.

“Близнецы.” One short, cold word trails after the other like freight cars along the Trans-Siberian. “кастор.” “апельсин.” “пламя.” The words are hissed and devoid of warmth. Whoever is speaking to the girl hates her. The air between the group seems to cool.

And finally, “полночь.”

Natasha’s eyes mirror Becky’s, glazed, but pulsing with fear under the obvious strain of memory. Quietly, Natasha whispers the five words. “Gemini, Castor, Orange, Flame, Midnight.”

At the entrance of the last word, like whisp of fear puffed into the air, the room erupts. Per-programmed confetti bursts and the pop pop pop of champaign goes off like gunfire. The compound, filled with colleagues, friends, and family, join in one jovial, harmonious “Happy New Year!”

The hologram continues, its contents uncorrupted by shifts in time and emotion, because, as Tony confirmed, this was real. What is about to happen here will happen again, and again, for the duration of time and space. It is memory manifest. Tony, when consumed by the glory of technology, sometimes reminds himself that evil encompasses innovation, as well. The girl goes still at the end of the sequence of words, shedding her blanket and walking, smooth as steel, to the middle of the room. She is naked. Unobscured, she looks older. Her body, though thin, is taunt and developed- not a girl, but a young woman. A gaunt, blank young woman. In the light, her pale skin is akin to untrodden snowfall.

As the voice behind the camera talks, Natasha translates. “Stand and present, soldier,” Natasha speaks to the group. The girl on the hologram raises her hand to solute. The motion is rigid, practiced. Now that she’s closer to the camera, bruises and flesh-wounds appear on her body. Untrodden no more. Purple lacerations encircle her wrists and ankles like bracelets of cruelty. One eye is swollen shut, her lips swelling to match. Most starkly, though, are two open wounds in the center of her feet. They’re half-healed and leaking half-coagulated, jellied blood.

Steve, now risen to Bucky’s side, strides towards Tony. “Not here, Tony,” he whispers, “The twins-the party shouldn’t see this. Turn it off.” Tony, unmoved, continues to watch the hologram.

“It’s almost over,” he whispers, eyes unmoving.

A hand stretches into the frame, spear-headed by a handgun. The disembodied hand presses the gun to the girl’s temple. Natasha continues her translation as the figure with the gun speaks, “Show them what I gave you.” The girl remains unmoved. The gun presses deeper into the flesh of her skull, pushing her head to one side. “Show them,” Natasha translates. The girl’s long, pale hair trails down her body, covering her breasts. The hand without the gun reaches forward, caressing her neck and pushing the hair behind her shoulders. A masked face leans into view, the owner of the gun and of the hands, whispering against the girl’s neck.

“Natasha?” Bucky demands, his voice cold.

“I didn’t hear it- too quiet,” Natasha snaps back.

The hologram continues. “Turn it off,” Steve commands, his voice dipping to the timbre of a plea.

The words the masked man whispered hit their mark. The girl, as if unchained, lurches away, pain corrupting the integrity of her voice as she demands, “What did you say?” Shuffling sounds behind the camera. Someone mutters the word “дефектный ” from behind the lens. It takes Natasha a moment to find the English equivalent; “Defective.”

Roused, the girl screams the same words, covering her chest with her hands. “What did you say!” She shouts, the receptor of her fury a figure beyond the camera. A thick embroidery of overlapping voices quilts itself over her words- so many voices that Natasha stops translating. The girls eyes scan in wild, erratic patterns beyond the lens. She backs up to the rear wall, pressing herself into the steel.

The voices build, figures enter from stage left and stage right, guns trained on the girl’s bare, pale body. And then a glow, orange and bright, builds from her skin. Her eyes, once darkened by the overhead light, glow white. The same light pours from her mouth as her caves into herself, lowering her body to the floor, and screams. The sound stops, an eruption of orange light, and the hologram dies- drawn curtain, end scene.

As if the holographic explosion had occurred right beside them, the entire room felt devoid of air. The party raged on behind them, the revelers indifferent to the sombre mood, like a cloak, drawn over the Avengers. Cutting the settled tension, Bucky states, “That was Hyrda procedure- the words, the- the audience.” Tony felt his stomach roil. They were the audience. They just watched that girl stripped naked, the barrel of a gun pressed into her temple.

“But it’s Dreykov’s personnel and facility. I’d recognize that room if I were dead,” Natasha added.

Shaking himself from his horror-induced stupor, Tony clapped his hands together. “Fury sent it in. Video dates to January 1st, 2014- two years ago.” Tony taps on his watch, whispering incoherently into it. Suddenly, a light, female voice echoes through the tower.

“Tony Stark and his Avengers thank you for coming to celebrate, the party has ended. Please make your way to the exits.” With Friday’s announcement, the music stops, the lights turn on, and a conglomeration of feet shuffling ensues. Tony turns, waving with winks and smiles, thanking the visitors.

Silence hangs in suffocating drapes. Bucky had left silently, unnoticed. Steve stared at the table, arms crossed, lost in thought. Natasha looked on the brink of destruction. All around, worry and disgust colored all faces.

Steve cleared his throat and uncrossed his arms.

“Captain?” Tony asks, voicing the inner monologue of the entire gathering.

Captain America meets the gaze of the group, bracing his hands on the back of the sofa. His blue eyes have cooled with concentration- icy and pale. His voice is full and hard when he speaks.

“We go get her, Thanos can’t have access to any more stones. And Hyrda can’t have access to any more soldiers.” His voice dips on the word solider, pain making the pronunciation malleable, bruising the letters as they come from Steve’s throat. He swallows, his throat bobbing against the top button of his blue shirt.

“Suit up.”

January 3rd, 2016. Red Room Interrogation Center. Moscow, Russia. 8:24 am.

The red-haired bitch wouldn’t crack, Lux would give her that. She was hard. But Lux was harder.

She smiled, digging the white lighter from her coat pocket. Normally, she didn’t enjoy the stench of charred flesh this early in the morning, but she’d make an exception today. It was a new year, after all.

Lux rolled her thumb over the wheel once, twice- inhaling the smell of butane as she held town the lighter’s trigger, rolling the flame over the metal cap. When the cap glowed red, she brushed her fingertip over it, a hiss of pain slipping from her lips. As her fingerprints had been singed off long ago, the reception of pain indicated the lighter was ready. The red-head tied to the chair in front of her grinned. Her teeth were white and straight and beautiful- Lux was struck by the sight. Nobody with such a beautiful smile had entered her chair in a long while.

“вы говорите по-английски?” Lux asked, straddling the chair positioned across from the woman’s. Romanov, her file had read. A Black Widow. Lux was surprised when she saw the title- she had yet to encounter one of Dreykov’s original creations. Like discontinued toys, Black Widows had gone out of circulation.

“Why? Is your Russian a little rusty?” Romanov shot back, her smile never dimming.

Lux smiled back, self conscious of her teeth. She hadn’t been allowed to see her reflection in years, but she doubted her smile shone as bright. A stupid, flippant thought- Lux scolded herself for allowing it to enter her mind. Especially here, and especially now. She knew they watched her through the cameras in each corner of the room. She knew she was a being assessed, still, two years later- they didn’t trust her.

“No,” Lux drawled, “I prefer English, though. It’s the first language I spoke.” Lux breathed deeply, hoping the detail wasn’t too intimate. She knows the technique. Show some emotional skin, establish a rapport, create some common ground, and then rip it right from under their feet.

Romanov tilts her head, her swath of red hair shifting around her beautiful face. “Oh?” She asks, the light-toned pronunciation of curiosity tinging the end of the word. “You’re American?”

Lux shakes her head, flicking the lighter once again, which was cool to the touch. She curses herself in her head. She’s wasting too much time. The dance is awkward, stalled. It isn’t flowing, like she was trained. She is failing, miserably. Her back tenses at the thought of her punishment. Dr. Von Arx was getting more creative every day.

“You aren’t,” Lux chirps, looking up from her lighter. “Ro-man-ov.” She lets the syllables drip off her tongue, luxuriating in the sounds. “Are you enjoying your homecoming? Dreykov is excited to see you- Prodigal Son you are. But they insisted I give you the run-down first. You understand, of course.” Lux punctuated her words with a wink. Abandoning her chair, Lux rises above Romanov, gripping her jaw in a leather-gloved hand and forcing her head backward. The lighter glowed ounce again in her hand.

Hovering just above the surface of her jugular, Lux moved the lighter back and forth, letting the heat kiss Romanov’s skin. “I am going to ask you one more time, why did you come?”

Just as the lighter moves to melt the surface of Natasha’s skin, the wall explodes.

Lux sees white, and then feels the burning of her skin. She believes in karma, but had never seen it work this fast. Covering her head, Lux waits for the rumble of debris and destruction to stop. As soon as rocks ceases to fall and the ringing subsides in her ears, Lux is on her feet, two knives in hands. Damn Von Arx from not allowing her a gun.

Dust fills the room, along with cold, grey sunlight from the hole in the north-facing wall. The scream of sirens fills the void the ringing left in Lux’s, ears and a figure in black fills the void Romanov left in the room.

He’s male. Tall. Long brown hair drapes his face, which is half-obscured by a black mask. He carries a large gun in one arm, and the other-

Lux blanches, forcing her jellied knees to lock, to keep her upright. Something shifts within her. Like a root, deep and established, being torn from the earth, everything inside Lux shifts as a memory is tugged from her.

Blood, blood, so much blood. It pools around her, spilling from her sister’s small body. Astoria. Astoria. As-tor-i-a.

Clinging to the name, branding the syllables into her mind, Lux swears to herself that she wont forget. That she will not let them take the memory. Her twin, her Astoria.

Suddenly, the man’s presence loses its edge. Lux throws her knife, sinking it into the man’s thigh. He pulls the knife, sending it clattering through the rubble. Lux’s next knife lands in the apex of his left shoulder, and when she hears and thud, instead of a clang, Lux knows she’s hit her target. The man grunts, stopping his affront to tear the knife out. Lux turns to run, but not before a red gas fills the room. She throws her sleeve up to cover her mouth, but it’s too late.

Lux falls to her knees, a heavy, thick warmth pressing itself into the contours of her consciousness. She’s tired, so damn tired. The soldier kneels before her and something in her chest leaps at the deep blue of his eyes. She repeats the name Astoria, Astoria, Astoria, like a prayer, like a incantation that could protect her from him.

Lux isn’t afraid. She’s seen The Winter Solider at work. Let him do his worst. She would happily die cloaked in the sweet memory of her sister, her greatest, newfound possession. Let him try to take it from her again.

A ragged, joyful laugh escapes Lux’s hoarse throat. She feels her grip on the moment, on sight and sound, feel and taste, loosening. The Winter Solider lifts her from the ground and she has no strength to fight. A funny, light sensation trickles over her skin. She laughs again, harder, this time.

“You’re amused, Dioscuri?” The Solider above her asks as she slips into the thick, warm current of sleep.

“I just-“ Another giggle. “I just think it’s a joke, you’re carrying me. Who knew The Winter Solider” another giggle, “was a gentleman. I mean- you shot Astoria.” Lux wheezes into the Soldier’s chest. Who would have thought he’d be carrying her, bridal style, away from Dreykov. Moscow’s winter chill caresses her body and Lux shivers, burrowing into the iconic heat of the Soldier’s body. The hum of propellers envelopes her.

Lux can’t control her laughter. Her body convulses against the Solider’s chest as wave after wave of laughter ravages her. Here, in his arms, she thinks she might be in Hell. Or at least some damning, liminal space- away for Von Arx but out of the reach of Astoria.

The volume of propellers increases and the humor of the moment fades to misery. She’ll die here, she thinks. Wherever the Winter Solider is taking her, she will die.

Chapter Two:

[akiumzeno]

A Dive Into Ushirono Fuyu's Relationships

I intend this to be a character analysis but I was thinking of this while on the bus and going ice skating and got really passionate that I had to write down the words. If you already can't tell from my pfp and banner, I love Fuyu so I made him his own dedicated analysis because he's the best.

ZENO remake and ZENO daily life SPOILERS

Fuyu and Maeno's relationship

Well, the most dominant thing about Fuyu and Maeno's dynamic is the revenge part. All throughout the game, Fuyu is chasing Maeno (and Tsugino) down to kill him. And his additional part in the story is about redefining that revenge.

And well, it's understandable; Maeno ate his sister. Granted, he didn't want to and was forced into it but Fuyu had no way to know that. How could you forgive someone who did something who did so atrocious?

But... there's something to be discussed about that.

Fuyu didn't see the event happen. One day, Maeno and Natsu both went missing. It was strange. How could both of the people he cared about just disappear without a trace?

So he set out to find out (or even better, Maeno and Natsu). And he did. After years, he finally found Maeno... but not Natsu.

And likely, that's when the awful truth came out. Natsu died because Maeno cannibalized her. And it's likely when he found out, he gained ZENO and was determined to kill Maeno in revenge.

Fuyu got hired as a researcher/doctor and tried to hide his ZENO and suppress his ZENO (likely through treating himself with the Memory Control Device). (Also, one of the doctors had a feeling he had ZENO).

And he waited for the perfect opportunity to get his revenge (which we all knows that opportunity comes).

Although Fuyu wants to kill Maeno and will never forgive him for what he did, that doesn't mean he hates him. In fact, he cares for Maeno. And you can see this in different endings.

Fuyu begs Maeno to not leave him in the Oblivion ending, Fuyu seems shocked or concerned when Maeno dies in the punishment ending and, hell, even Fuyu chooses to help out Maeno and work with him rather than leave him alone to die by Tsugino and get his revenge. He could completely just not choose to help him and escape the facility on his own and there would be no problem but he can't because he still cares enough to try to help him.

Despite what Maeno did, Fuyu can't not care for Maeno. They had known each other since they were 4 years old. They've been together and sharing their lives together. They always had each other. And nothing will change that. Fuyu may not forgive him for what he did, but there will always be that part of him caring for Maeno.

And it's probably because he cares for Maeno is the reason why he wants to kill Maeno. The first reason is that ZENO makes you want to kill your loved ones. But it's because he cares that it's why it hurts so badly. It was his friend, of all people, to eat Natsu, let alone the friend he spent years trying to find. (Maybe his only friend.)

And it's also why he doesn't feel fulfilled when he kills Maeno. Because there's still a sense of emptiness after killing his friend. Sure, he might've gotten his revenge but there's still a hole of sadness and anger still inside fo him and he doesn't feel better from killing one of the only pieces of his left still left, after Kanrai destroys his workplace and all his friends are gone and the only family he has left are all shitty people. He loses the one good thing left in his life. And revenge is not a thing that'll make you feel happy for long, if at all.

Fuyu and his family

Fuyu's family. ...Yeah.

Hoo boy. Won't this be fun?

Uh, I'll get into Natsu first because I honestly cannot dissect much about Fuyu and Kanrai's relationship aside from what's in the wiki, the two English translation videos of ZENO daily life and TV Tropes.

So, Natsu is clearly one of the only people who is close to Fuyu (the other being Aki and later on Haruno, I believe). So a ton of Fuyu's prime motivations are hinged on Natsu since his and Maeno's relationship ranges from strained to enemies after Maeno eats Natsu.

Considering Kanrai's just... garbage personality and Ritsuka deciding to be a free woman over taking care of her children, Fuyu had to be the one to take care of Natsu bc they have about a 10-year age gap, whether it be just giving her a father figure or straight-up defending Natsu from danger. (Also, second thought, Fuyu also had to take care of Maeno considering he was home alone at 4 and all Maeno would want to do was just stay inside and read books all day. Bro's fr a single dad since childhood.)

With this in mind, it's very easy to understand why Fuyu is so protective of Natsu. She quite literally had no one else to look up to, aside from Maeno. He was her one and only protector and they shared a relationship that was very close because of this. Hell, he even takes a stab for her.

And it's also hard to not love Natsu. She's sweet, polite, curious, cheerful and selfless. Aside from being her brother, her personality also made it easy for Fuyu to want to protect her.

So when she died, that must've left a hole in his heart. She was gone forever and he couldn't do anything about it, especially because he was the one who was always taking care of her. (And why it hurts so much that Maeno was the one to take her away.)

While we never explore Fuyu's grief (much) with Natsu in the game, we can very much assume he grieved for Natsu a lot. And the reason for his revenge was likely trying to fill up the hole in his heart. And Fuyu chases after that, thinking it would please or avenge Natsu, when we know that's not true.

And it takes talking with Natsu or seeing her memories to see that isn't what Natsu wants nor how he'll be able to heal.

And even though he did want revenge, he's more than willing to give it up or change way of revenge for Natsu. Because, no matter what, what she wants will always be priority because he loves her and always will. Nothing will change that, ever.

Now, the parents. They're so lovely.

Let's start with Ritsuka. Ritsuka never took care of Fuyu, only occasionally making contact and sending him fruit as a gift. She valued being free over being a good mother, likely because she felt adverse to it because she was told to do that her entire life. But of course, that is selfish as fuck.

Fuyu (and Natsu) grew up without a mother figure and he had to provide for himself (mostly, I believe Kanrai's secretary might've helped), which led to him being rude and blunt as he grew older. He never had anyone telling him to be a good person or had someone to take care of him, making him way more independent at a younger age than any normal kid, especially because he had to take care of Maeno and Natsu, as mentioned before.

While Ritsuka did end up gaining just a bit more concern for Fuyu after Natsu died (emphasis on bit) and tried to visit more frequently, but by then, the damage had already been done. Fuyu had already grown into his stern and cold self, and her actions were too little and too late.

Now, Kanrai.

Kanrai and Fuyu have anything but a loving and respectful relationship. Fuyu wants nothing to do with Kanrai and Kanrai is only concerned with Fuyu when he's able to be used as a tool for himself. But well, how did we get here?

Well, let's begin with how Fuyu was even conceived. As mentioned before, Ritsuka was told to be a wife and mother, and not only that but it was already decided who she'd marry, with that man being Kanrai. However, around the time they were getting married, Kanrai said to her that the only expectation of her was to bear one child and then she was free as a bird. She wasn't even expected to raise the child, just give birth to them.

But this begs the question of why Kanrai wanted a child, anyway. Did he want to be a father? Did he enjoy taking care of children? Maybe he just needed to continue his lineage.

Hah, NO!

He wanted a child... to try to spread ZENO.

He wanted to have the child develop ZENO and then have a person which he can influence under his own will to go do whatever he wants. And if that child never developed ZENO then he didn't care for them at all. How fun.

While I'm not sure if Fuyu knew he was even created for the sake for ZENO, but regardless, his father didn't pay attention to him. And it likely stayed that way until Natsu gained ZENO and Fuyu himself got involved with the issue, considering Kanrai does try to ask Maeno to tell Fuyu to call him back. And that probably frustrated Fuyu more with his father than his mother's neglect did.

For Fuyu, his father never bothered to take care of him until he got involved with this illness that Kanrai has based his entire, wicked and horrible, life on. To him, that likely felt like a slap in the face. He didn't care before and now he cares once he begins getting involved with ZENO; the disease that led to his sister's death because his best friend had ZENO and ate her because of it. Not to mention, Kanrai wants to spread that same disease.

And that's likely the reason why Fuyu refuses to return his calls and constantly says for Kanrai to die. He was created for the sake of ZENO, something that ruined his life and made his life just suck. No matter what, Fuyu could never live as a normal kid because Kanrai had set it up to be that way. If Fuyu had never gained or gotten involved with ZENO, his family had no desire to ever raise him and he meant practically nothing to them. And it probably hurt more for his family to exist and never take care of him rather than just never having one that was alive. His whole life was just doomed from the start and all he has to blame for it is Kanrai. Because it was Kanrai who wanted him to exist, not his mother.

Fuyu's life is the worst and it's his father that made it that way. Fuyu hates the circumstances that made him the way he is. The circumstances created by the horrid, vile, wretched, awful and evil Kanrai.

[thefanboyhub]

My laundry is on the floor right now and I decided right now was a good time to do some digging into one of the most interesting characters in KOTLC.

It's time to dissect Fitzroy Avery Vacker!

So we all know Mr. Ritz Cracker,

Mr. "We're Cognate's!"

Mr. Golden boy

Mr. You-get-the-damn-point!

Fitz was the Elf who found Sophie in the Forbidden Cities. He was the one who introduced her to his— their— world. He was the first person to see Sophie cry, first person in the Lost Cities to support her.

From reading the books we learn a lot about how Fitz grew up, and you might be saying "uh... no?" BUT HA! YOU FOOL! You cannot just simply read the words, you must read behind the meaning and watch a characters behavior to learn how they grew to be who they are! (It's why I love characters so much, there's so many ways to learn about them)

From context clues and how he behaved in the books we know he was the golden child. First kid to manifest at the tender age of 13, and lose his leaping bracelet early too, not to mention he was a telepath and was basically flawless in school. He took pride in it, like most kids do. But you see here, that's the problem. He never had someone to take him down his pedestal that his parents practically built for him (fucking Alden). He grew up being told he'd do great things, that he was a strong Elf, that he was better then anyone else. So naturally he started to believe it and act like it. He wasn't necessarily vicious either, but he didn't need to be; he always got what he wanted anyways.

I think he felt alone. I mean he reacted so viciously towards his brother Alvar after finding out he was a traitor— UNDERSTANDABLY SO BY THE WAY! But my confusion with this was how angry he was. But I thought about it a lot through my rereading of the series and I realized that he was so angry because he had loved, trusted, looked up to, and felt inferior to his older brother. Despite— No— Because he was treated so much better by Alden(bitch) and Della(ILoveYouWifey) Alvar gained resentment for his siblings, mostly Fitz.

There was a part of Fitz sports thing in book 8.5 KOTLC Unlocked where he talked about playing with Alvar. He said it's no fun playing base quest (I think) with him because he'd stay invisible the entire time. What this tells me is Alvar agreed to play the game but would dip out of his own jealousy and pettiness. Which takes me to my previous statement—

Fitz felt alone. The one thing he never got was a brother who actually liked and loved him. The one thing he had been patiently waiting for and hoping for since he was younger and treated like the golden boy was his older brother. But he never got it, instead he got a traitorous older brother who hated him so deeply he'd hurt his friends without a second thought.

In my opinion, Fitz's rage over his brother is reasonable. It's honestly so real and raw that I can't even say he's being idiotic. Especially considering what I just said.

BUT

His fatal flaw his his anger— or more technical — His tantrums.

Like I said before, he always got what he wanted, he was spoiled and treated like a little prince. So every single time he didn't get what he wanted, his anger would rise. His emotional intelligence has been stumped because he never had someone say no to him or been rejected for something. So he's confused and angry; "Why not!? This never happens to ME!" Type of mentality.

This also comes along with jealousy and the need to compete with others. So when Keefe started to show his affections for Sophie a lot more openly back in book 4 KOTLC Neverseen, specifically when they ended up in Alluveterre for protection that was provided by the black swan, he started to act jealous. He realized how Keefe felt and noticed something about how Sophie acted and he automatically felt the need to compete which is why in book 9 KOTLC Stellerluna he has Sophie on a pedestal like a prise in his subconscious. He doesn't see her like a lover or a crush, he sees her as a prise to win over, subconsciously though. Consciously he thinks it's a crush. He went from thinking of her as a sister to someone he wanted to date; that doesn't happen for no reason.

Moving on from the relationship drama aspect of this, we can talk about his outbursts when something goes wrong. He needs someone to blame. Always. And it's never himself. He needs someone to push all this fear and anger out on because he's not emotionally or mentally equipped to deal with it. It's a self-destructive flaw he posseses. Same with his jealousy.

Which is why I love his character! He actually has some pretty bad flaws! But he also recognized it and is attempting to fix it; what he doesn't realize is that it will take time and whatever he broke will most likely never be fixed again. Simple as that. It's sad and will probably hurt him a lot but I will help him grow.

In conclusion: Kill Alden and get Fitz into therapy :D

[ausetkmt]

Kendrick Lamar Already Has the Best Verse of 2024 - XXL

Kendrick Lamar has arguably had the best verse of 2024 so far. When the rapper joined Future and Metro Boomin on their new song, "Like That," in March, it served as a defibrillator for the rap game. The lethal verse he unleashed into the world sent an electrical shock throughout the genre. A potential three-way feud between Kendrick, J. Cole and Drake as a result of K-Dot's bars has given the genre an explosion of energy not seen in 2023.

Cultural impact aside, Kendrick's lyrics effectively straddle the line between subliminal and targeted. The track, which appears on Metro and Future's We Don't Trust You album, finds Kendrick adding just enough details so fans knew, without naming names, exactly who Kung Fu Kenny was speaking about.

Breaking Down Kendrick Lamar's "Like That" Verse

Kendrick did this by continuously playing off Drake and J. Cole's joint song, "First Person Shooter," as well as Drizzy's latest album, For All the Dogs. 

"OK, let's get it up, it's time for him to prove that he's a problem/N***as cliquin' up, but cannot be legit, no 40 water, tell ’em," Kendrick raps in the opening bars.

This line alone perfectly exemplifies the multiple layers of meaning Kendrick brings to each bar. On one hand, Kendrick notes that Cole and Drake appear to be "cliquin' up" and teaming up against together. K-Dot says their partnership will never be on the same level as when E-40 joined forces with B-Legit and The Click back in 1991.

However, "cliquin' up" could also be about Cole and Drake's joint song "First Person Shooter," and referring to how their guns are clicking because they're out of ammo. Additionally, the "40 water" line could be interpreted as a dig at Drake's longtime producer Noah "40" Shebib, who is known for using what he calls an "underwater" effect on his beats.

While it's this layered eye for detail that makes Kendrick's "Like That" verse so effective, he abandons the double entendres shortly after to make sure his point is made loud and clear in the following bars.

"F**k the sneak dissin', first-person shooter, I hope they came with three switches," is the bar that caught rap fans' attention. This part of the song is when everyone realized Kendrick was taking aim at Cole and Drizzy. While the lyrics before this were littered with metaphors and clever wordplay, Kendrick decides to seize the moment in a direct callout of "First Person Shooter." He wants everyone to know who he's talking about, not just the rap scholars ready to dissect his every word.

Kendrick continues on this trend by rapping plainly, "Muthaf**k the big three, n***a, it's just big me/N***a, bum, what? I'm really like that."

Read More: Metro Boomin Insists New Album Would Have Gone No. 1 Regardless

Kendrick Doesn't Use Violent Threats to Get His Point Across

Kendrick's verse is also powerful because he doesn't rely on violent threats to get his message across. With violence perforating diss tracks within the drill scene, and in rap beefs of the past, it packed more of a punch to hear Kendrick rely on his lyrical talents as an MC to target his foes.

"And your best work is a light pack/N***a, Prince outlived Mike Jack'," Kendrick raps at one point, referring to Drake's current tie with The King of Pop for most No. 1s ever for a solo artist. Drake takes great pride in his ongoing contest with "Mike Jack." In the video for "First Person Shooter," Drizzy wears a sequined glove in reference to Jackson. Kendrick merely saying that Prince outlived Michael Jackson implies that these titles aren't everything when it comes to life and death.

Drake Seems to Have Heard Kendrick's Verse

While rap enthusiasts could dissect Kendrick's "Like That" clever verse for hours, it seems to have shaken Drake to his core. In the wake of hearing the diss, Drizzy has seemed to subliminally fire back at Kendrick via cryptic Instagram captions. While fans wait with bated breath to see if The Boy will hop in the studio for an official response, it takes a lot to catch Drake's attention these days, so it's safe to say the message was received.

However, the best part about "Like That" is the conversation it's provoked among rap fans. What will a Kendrck, Cole and Drizzy face-off even look like?

Is Future involved, too?

Is Future and Metro Boomin's We Don't Trust You an entire album dedicated to dissing Drake?

Who will emerge victorious when all is said and done? All of these questions have consumed rap fans' psyches and resulted in some very intense back-and-forth discussions. While only time will tell what happens next, no one in 2024 has gotten the rap world talking quite like Kendrick Lamar.

[saintadeline]

Hey there. I've been doing a lot more lore diving lately and there's one question I have regarding Adella. Do you think she ever learns that the Hunter is not part of the Healing Church? When you meet her, you have to have church clothing to get her to trust you, but it never occurred to me until now that she might think you're a member through out the entire game. I think that assumption changes the context of her feelings towards you getting Arianna's blood, so I was curious of your feelings on it.

You know you're so right I never really thought about it extensively either so now's the time. A while ago I used to assume she'd just figure it out on her own but if you think about it theres actually nothing that could indicate so and if anything, all that happens kind of reinforces that idea anyway? She might see you walking around with another garb yeah but you have brought her to a chapel of all places, and the chapel dweller doesn't really know you either it's not like they'd say anything about you that could signify otherwise. That and she's not really talking to them anyway. I think in her mind authority and hunters are inherently linked to the church so even without definite proof or without you wearing church attire constantly she would've assumed so. She's a Yharnamite, she's not expecting any random person and Especially not an outsider to help her, the church is the face of bravery and kindness in adversity. I think the way I'd see it is that she immediately took you for a higher standing member of the church but figured out you were a church hunter, so still a church member and still "above her" but not as much as she seemed to think in that very first dialogue, which would explain why she never really brings up the church again. Mostly what's worth looking at here is this line: "Oh, brave hunter. You’re alive. Thank you very much. The town is in disarray, but there are still people here. Together, we await the help of the Healing Church. I cannot begin to express my gratitude to you. The only thing that I can offer… Is my own lowly blood. If it would suffice?" It's the only time she ever mentions the church and you at the same time again but it's easy to interprete in several different ways due to the way it's phrased so vaguely. I looked up the literal translation of the japanese text, "together" denotes specifically her and the other people waiting in the chapel and doesnt seem to include the hunter (you) in the "us". Thus it's possible to take the way she says "(we await the help of) the healing church" as encompassing you and being almost a direct question. But i think it's a subtility that's impossible to figure out for sure so that really depends how you want to take it. Unfortunately I'm running into an issue here which is the "you" in "my gratitude to you". I don't know enough about japanese to figure it out myself but I know for sure it is different from the way we have a separate and yet undistinguishable plural and singular You in this scenario. So not being able to look at the grammatical building of the original sentence I can't bring light on anything wrt how this sentence is supposed to be taken, singular and plural You in english are only differenciated with their context but here both would work and bring a different meaning to what we're researching, so I'm a bit stuck. If anyone knows more about it and would like to help me dissect "貴方には、感謝の言葉もありません" you're more than welcome to LOL. So this did not help a whole lot or bring many definite answers but I think it's more easily interpretable as her still viewing you as part of the church although not exactly all-powerful like her superiors are. But then again she's kind of the bottom of the ladder anyway so Anything would be "above" her.

Anyhow, yeah this absolutely ties into her aversion for Arianna, I wouldnt go as far as to say it Changes the context entirely, it just adds some that was, in my opinion, already in the same direction; I do think the church is a prejudiced organization but her distrust of Arianna was always more strongly about bloodline than sex work. Yharnam has such vitriol towards Cainhurst that I think it would be near impossible to have lineage from it and not have it be known by everyone, especially since Arianna just straight up uses a dress from ye olde Cainhurst. So not only is Adella wary of her, and jealous of the attention she has, and considers her existence blasphemy, she also directly sees a church member, higher up than her, interact with her and even partake of her blood which would be Extra forbidden. I think she's too far brainwashed to ever even think about the fact that people in the church might be corrupt, she's too busy looking up to people as saviors and the epitomy of good (as well as herself as lowly and insignificant in their wake) to consider that. So seeing what she would (wrongly) assume as exactly that will be a shock to her and something she just cannot understand no matter how much she thinks about it. And confusion and a lack of understanding make you much more likely to act irrationally especially when you're unknowingly being influenced by something greater than you.

[the-physicality]

here in the phoenix mercury if there's one thing we don't do it's stat pad

remember when we blew seattle out by 20 all game [when we beat them last] and their starters were playing until the end? [and then someone got a tech? bc they were upset in another game that the opponent didn't pull their starters?]

nate...... these rotations....does he know we don't play until Friday?

i didn't realize until now how much i hated this announcer

what is the point of pulling someone who is banking 3s bc of foul trouble if you aren't going to play them the rest of the game?

i guess we decided not to try and draw fouls in the second half?

i've said it before and i will say it again, you need to start celeste

i understand that we're trying to make a playoff push and solidify this team as a unit but not everybody is a celeste taylor

maybe the game wasn't "winnable" but it didn't need to be a 24 point deficit

if the zone isn't working you have to take them out of the zone....

celeste had a stunning assist [highlight reel dt type assist] at either the end of the first or the start of the second [she had 2 in this time frame and nothing on the wnba website will load so i don't know which one it is *upside down smiley face*

the first game celeste played i said "oh she cannot leave the floor" that still holds true

i don't know what's going on but it seems like many people not longer know how to make the right basketball plays? like so many times they would be inside and want to kick it out instead of forcing the foul? and that caused so many turnovers [which we actually had fewer of this game]

and like sophie was getting forced out on a drive to the net which caused an out of bounds turn over when she could have just done the dt and bounced it off a storm body

and then there was another time it was in the 3rd i think after that very fast paced portion when no one was moving off ball. and there was a look that was like "fucking move!?" cause you can't play static basketball. and it's stuff like that that make me think they have lost their offensive identity. and i don't want them to wait for bec to get it back

can they all go see the sports psych pls? i feel like there is so much happening mentally rn that needs to be cleared away

so time to dissect here: if you look at the 1st quarter, it was fine that we weren't defending well because we were returning each shot with another shot [and drawing fouls]

in the second: we were 3/13 plus 2 trips to the line and 1 technical shot [6/7]. storm were 12/24 plus one trip to the line [0/1]. that's what we call not taking care of the ball

3rd q: we're 8/17.. in our little 9 point [it wasn't even a run] back to back to back successful possessions, DT was involved in all 3 plays- either scoring or assisting

[i'm bored with this now... my point i think is that i need dt and celeste on the floor together and i don't understand why you would give up halfway through the 3rd @ nate

[frizzy-frizz-frizz]

Okay this is about to be long and I'm very sorry about it

Two birds is so sad but like who is the other bird??? I'm leaning towards jean kind of

AND YES I listened to the melodrama album the same time as I read aftg so liability and Kevin became so so linked in my head like "the only love i haven't screwed up she's so hard to please...one girl swaying alone stroking her cheek" LIKE that one line where Neil is like Kevin is harder on himself than anyone else

Wait for it has only recently been linked to Kevin in my head but "my mother was a genius my father commanded success" "a legacy to protect" also hamilton in this song would be Neil and it works so well??? Dorothea is so very Kevin i don't know who's singing the song it could be andrew/neil/jean but the song's subject?? "a queen selling dreams" "A tiny screen's the only place I see you now" So glad you enjoyed them

Every marina song you mentioned is so so him I agree with every choice like take oh no and are you satisfied and shake them together and you get him at like rock bottom

Also GASOLINE??? like I know the song I was obsessed with badlands but with him???? "Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me???" "You're part of a machine, you are not a human being

With your face all made up, living on a screen" DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING THIS SONG WILL BE ON REPEAT FOR A WHILE HOLY SHIT

Afraid?? "When I wake up, I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place" oh my god?? "And if you leave me, then I'll be afraid of everything" him with andrew??? Hello I cannot take this

Prom queen?? "Turned her tears to diamonds in her crown" got his hand broken and then learned to play with both hands?? Who does it like him??? And then "Dissect my insecurities I'm a defect, surgical project It's getting hard to breathe There's plastic wrap in my cheeks" im obsessed guy grew up in the public eye that's gonna fuck him up so

I can't even pick one line from dare you to doubt me the entire song works so well for him

I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED LISTENING TO THE PLAYLIST YET

Young gods from badlands also works if its before he joined the foxes I think

The greatest by sia is so him

Also Gold Rush by taylor swift was actually written for him

The got away from me entirely I'm so sorry

NO NO ITS OKAY you dont need to apologise its such a pleasure to read text walls like this thank you so much :))

(okay this got long i'll put a line break)

Two birds is a kevjean song in my heart cause its just- kevin and jean are so intrinsically tied together, they know each other first and foremost. but the curx of the matter is that kevin had to leave and jean couldnt.

"There's nothing I wont understand" and "I won't let go of your hand" followed by the main verse where kevin is still trying to escape the 'wire' while jean is fixed in place. and they're forced to watch each other from their positions.

and you just know that as kids they swore they'd stay together but the truth is, toward the end of the books, with everything between then they might never play on the same team again. and that is where the song ends almost as abruptly as the books, leaving kevin and jean to build new relationship from the ashes of what they used to have

IM SORRY I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS

"everybody wonders what it would be like to love you" UM?? "what must it be like to grow up that beautiful" this is so him im sobbing. Kevin who grew up in the public image, future of exy, commodified at birth. (Also is it just me or does it feel like neil josten, 'demisexual who never really understood his own attraction' is listening to this while making a kevin day binder on the run?)

I NEED a compilations of close up shots of kevin in the ravens vs foxes game to "the greatest". Seeing him score with his left hand to it would be euphoric. I just know it. oh to be a random exy fan in the aftg universe.

And I've had Dorothea on repeat cause "are you the soul I met under the bleachers?" NEIL REMEMBERING WHAT KEVIN WAS LIKE AS A KID. "......known for who you know, you know you'll always know me". THIS. So many thoughts. so many. I'm screaming its perfect.

ALSO! CONSIDER: "Through the Ghost" by shinedown. the singer wrote it like speaking to his own reflection. "the world will never know you like I do" ITS SO KEVIN I THINK

IM SO GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING THE PLAYLIST

yes yes you could tell me that kevin day himself wrote 'dare you to doubt me' and 'afraid' and 'believe' and I wouldnt disagree

wow this got long

[chemmerson]

tears of the kingdom final trailer thoughts

HEY THERE HI HELLO ITS ME NOT HAVING A NORMAL THOUGHT ABOUT THIS NEW TRAILER !!!!!!

this has been a very emotional experience for me and i will try my best to have coherent thoughts below lol:

WOW I am completely blown away by everything we saw yesterday. and this is my formal apology to nintendo for complaining that they weren't giving us enough content so far and my thank you to them for waiting to give us all of that in one trailer. okay so here are my very unorganized initial reactions and thoughts:

the music is the most beautiful gorgeous score i have ever heard in my life. i had goosebumps the e n t i r e time listening to that masterpiece

there is,,,,, so much that we can do in this game. no wonder it fucking took so long did you see how much shit we can do? build? fight with?

THE IMPLICATIONS OF FIGHTING WITH NPCs GIVES ME UNEXPLAINABLE JOY

NEW CHARACTERS HELLOOOOOOOOOO

ANCIENT ZELDA????

WHERE. ISZELDA???????

SKYLOFT MAYHAPS ????????

GANONDORF?????????

okay but in all seriousness, i am so emotional about the way they made this such an amazing continuation from botw. everyone coming together to fight against evil, hyruleans, ritos, gerudos, zoras...link and zelda have everyone behind them to save their home it just makes me so emotional

i am beyond ecstatic for zelda's role in this game. the trailer made me feel like she's going to be going through sort of a ss zelda journey...connecting with the spirit and goddess within her, learning about hyrules past, helping whatever new characters (zonai?) and most of all, standing alongside link and believing in him

i just KNOW link is pissed that he lost zelda again and he's gonna do everything he can to get back to her

ganondorf's design is flawless, but from what we say i think it's possible that we will have interactions with both demise AND ganondorf and it makes sense...this whole time everyone has guessed that we are going back to the beginning or close to it...it would only make sense that demise would make some appearance or have significance in whatever evil we will see

where is teba :'(

i cannot wait for riju's role and gerudos' role in general...they will definitely be giving us some insight into ganondorf and his significance as well

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC AGAIN HELLO

that's really all i have for now (sorry it's a mess). I am honestly still very emotional about it all. this series has been so important to me for so long and im so excited to play this game. i can't wait for the youtube theorists to put out their twenty minute long videos dissecting everything and hearing their thoughts. this is going to be a very amazing month of anticipation.

IM SO EXCITED YAY

[moderndavetherapy]

All In Or Out

I waited patiently in the drive-thru, sitting in the passenger seat of a lifted pick-up. I gazed in awe at the organized assembly line staring at their all-white shirts and unique-looking caps. I had never been to an In & Out, but I heard all of the rave. I'm not as boujee as some foodies, but I do get pretty ecstatic when trying new things. There was a chance I was about the try the best burger of my life.

"Goose...Goose...Goose! Take the food!" I suddenly snapped out of the delicious daydream and slurped up the drool from my bottom lip as my landlord passed me two boxes of burgers and fries.

I was used to devouring fast food in cars before I arrived home. The guy I was with was I little peculiar though. He had been through more divorces than most and had the patience of the second grader. Before moving in with him, I knew I needed to be on my A game behavior and not piss him off.

Regardless of his uptightness, I survived the ride home and felt like a child on Christmas Eve waiting to open up presents. I prepared my dipping sauces and sprinkled some salt and pepper over my fries. I opened wide like I was at the dentist's office and took a large chunk out of the double-double. I took my grand old time savoring the flavor to see if the hype was real.

I noticed a funky flavor that I was not fond of. I used to be picky eater, but my palate had developed exponentially after my childhood. Mustard. I even ordered the burger without mustard. As I dissected my dinner, I couldn't even find a splash of yellow anywhere. I pinched off a piece of beef and carefully tasted every single seasoning. Mustard seed. I found the culprit.

Despite my dislike of mustard, along with the disappointment of their simple bland french fries, I'll end my hate speech on In & Out. I'll even say it's a solid late night snack. But my real Ted Talk is about being all in or all out...

I don't have a medium switch. It's almost if there are only two settings. My batteries are either on their last life or full of juice. The air conditioning is either blasting freezing cold or barely working at all. There's no half full. half empty, fifty-percent; it's all or nothing.

This one has been eating my alive for most of my life. The worst part is making the same mistake over and over again. I've realized that a lot of this stems from emotions. As simple as it sounds, I have not had the leisure of controlling them the best. The worst part is a majority of the time I regulate them too much. I withhold emotions at times to maintain a role. It's not healthy. I've withheld my emotions, because the addies took them away. I've hid my emotions to hide my vulnerability, and that one hurts the most.

With all of this build up and stored energy, I'm just a ticking-time bomb waiting to explode. It's not a substance or alcohol issue, well it is, but it's everything. From working, to gambling, working out, reading, laughing, and loving. I'm like a teeter-totter that can never find an equilibrium, always living on polar opposite ends. Living on the poles of the earth has led to a roller coaster life of happy highs and depressing lows. The emotional void and trips of turmoil have finally hit a road block and something must be done.

The awareness is a huge step, but there's still miles to travel. It's painful not being able to watch a sports game thinking, "I can't enjoy this without betting." It's depressing pondering, "I can't go out tonight, because there's a chance I won't stop drinking." It's embarrassing not being able to reach out, because "I'm working on myself or becoming a better me."

Just like food, we are learning what we like and don't like. I am learning what I can do and cannot. Rather than take the cold turkey approach at life and ride the emotional roller coaster, I've learned to slowly integrate and find peace in it. This all or none has led to nothing but despair. I know I won't be perfect along the way, especially at the sports book, but we are human after all. I've learned to go to NFL games without betting, bars with only have two drinks, allowing myself some cheat meals, and practice this thing they call "balance."

Here's to control and finding that medium setting.

[caffeinated-creepshow]

TRATM VIII: The Penalty Game of Nightingale

Chapter eight of The Raven and the Mockingbird, a T-rated Deadman Wonderland fanfic from 2013-17. Since this an archive, I am not editing the chapters as they are posted. (Two instances of accidental repetition were deleted this time.) Follows an OC named Tsumetai and her relationship with canon character, Toto Sakigami.

Word count: 1115 | Original Quotev post | Summary and masterlist

Full chapter below the cut

As Toto and Tsumetai delved into a world that shall not be mentioned, Sanae was in surgery for her most major wound: the gash in her side that she had created herself. They sanitized and cleaned, stitched and sewed, drugged and numbed Sanae's body as the wound slowly got closed. After what seemed to be an day's worth of working, Sanae slowly slid her eyes open, only to see the nurse responsible for the Penalty Game standing above her.

"Hm....So you're awake? Good," the nurse said, smirking down at Sanae. "I've been waiting for the day that you would be in here, and that I'd get to dissect you." Grimacing, Sanae glared up at the nurse.

"Screw you," Sanae said, her glare intensifying. Feigning hurt and shock, the nurse raised a hand and covered her open mouth, her eyes wide.

"Oh, watch your mouth young lady! I could take that tongue out of your mouth here and now," she said, her eyes glinting maliciously as she met Sanae's glare.

"Fucking try it, bitch!" Sanae yelled, attempting to sit up and hitting the loose straps holding her stomach down. "I'll paint these dull walls with your blood in a minute!"

The nurse acted as if she were contemplating Sanae threat as she said, "Hmm...I cannot officially do anything until I'm told what to take away...." She had a fake look of thoughtfulness as she glanced back down at Sanae.

Scoffing, the raven haired Deadman smirked slightly as she said, "Of course. You can't do anything until someone is firmly restrained, can you? That's when you feel confident and shit, right?" Her glare remaining steady, Sanae lied back down before muttering to herself, "Psh...Sad."

Sneering, the nurse glared heavily at Sanae as she smirked to herself. Getting upset, the nurse turned to look behind her and yelled, "Has her penalty been decided yet?!" The smirk on Sanae's face faded slowly as she turned back to look at the nurse. Taking note of the nurse's impatience, she took what little amusement she could from the situation.

"Yeah, we're ready," said one of the guards as he walked in with a few others, rolling a stretcher over to the two females. "We just need to get her tied down." Nodding, the nurse made a sound of approval as the guards undid the loose strap around Sanae's stomach, before lifting her from her hospital bed and setting her onto the stretcher. They first strapped down her arms, then her legs, and onto her torso and head, rendering her immobilized. A confident smile slipping onto the nurse's face, the guards rolled Sanae out into the arena for the Penalty Game. Following, the red-haired nurse put out her cigarette before slipping her hands into her lab coat's pockets.

'I wonder if Senji is going to be watching this...' Sanae thought to herself as she lied on the stretcher, eyes closed tightly. 'I hope not...I don't want him to see this...' Without her knowing, her wish came true, for Senji's eyes had left the screen almost immediately after the match had ended.

A vicious smile on the nurse's lips, she walked over to the stretcher Sanae was lying on as the raven-haired Deadman said, "Just get it over with..." Slipping a scalpel and forceps from her pocket, the nurse looked down at Sanae, head tilted to the side as Sanae glared at her. Her smile turning to an evil smirk, the nurse fiddled with the scalpel. "The only thing that you take out better be what you're told. If I find that something else is missing, I'll take whatever you took from me from you."

Rolling her eyes, the nurse looked from the scalpel to Sanae and said, "If I did that, I wouldn't be alive. My life is on the line too, y'know. And anyway, it's a fairly useless organ that is getting taken away." Anger present on the nurse's face, she gritted her teeth in irritation. Rolling her eyes, Sanae snickered to herself. Sighing angrily, the nurse averted her eyes to hide her angry.

"Just get it over with, alright?" Sanae demanded, getting impatient.

"Well then. Someone's impatient," the nurse said as she started making marks for where the incisions would go. Starting to chuckle to herself, Sanae quickly started full out laughing, causing the nurse to slip up with the marker. "You moronic child!" she yelled, eyebrows furrowing in frustration.

Smirking, Sanae continued chuckling as she slowly regained her composure, before stating simply, "It tickles." Shaking her head in disgust, the nurse muttered something to herself as she continued marking Sanae's body for incisions. "Bitch," Sanae said in response.

Smiling to herself, the nurse replied, "Thank you. I try."

"Not that much, apparently."

` "Why don't you go and fuck yourself?"

"I would, but I'm a little tied down, if you can't tell."

Shuddering slightly in disgust, the nurse said, "May as well get this operation over with. Knock out gas please!" Eyes fluttering closed, Sanae slipped into darkness as the nurse giggled sadistically. Making the first incision, the nurse followed the marks she had made. As she did so, Sanae dreamed of before she had been brought to Deadman Wonderland. After all the incisions were made, the nurse prepared the spleen for removal. Cutting it out from Sanae's body, the nurse pulled it out and put it into a glass jar. Slowly stitching the opening back up, the nurse also began to clean up. After the last stitch was made, she wiped the blood off of everything and set her tools onto the table next to her. "Wake her up!" she demanded as she took the jar over to a shelf.

Stirring slowly, Sanae's eyelids twitched as she regained consciousness. The nurse turned around as she removed her gloves and threw them away. Opening her eyes, Sanae slowly took in her surroundings, only to see the nurse looking down at her.

"Welcome back to reality," she said in a sickly sweet tone, causing Sanae to grimace.

"Shit, talk about a rude awakening. The least you bastards could've done was let me wake up to a somewhat decent face. Hell, I would've taken a fucking guard in a body suit. But no, they let me wake up to you. I hope you enjoyed being inside of me because it's the first and last time you'll ever see me," Sanae said harshly.

Sneering, the nurse said, "You think I enjoyed having to be anywhere near you?" Scoffing, the nurse glared at Sanae, disgusted.

"Glad the feeling's mutual."

Walking towards the door, the nurse simply left Sanae to be taken care of by the guards.

[hausofmamadas]

dfYALLLAKSJD;FLAKJSD;LKFJA;SLDKJF;AKLSDDJ I CANOOT WITH EVIDENT SUFFICIENCY ARTICULATE THE STRAIGHT UP GLEE ON MY FACE READING THIS ENTIRE FUCKINGSLKFJ THING like it's really one of those fics that ticks so many boxes, all I kept thinking was:

She's got humor, she's got flawless, inspired, indistinguishable-from-canon characterization, she's got a crossover for the ages that I may or may not have thought about to teh point of giving myself a migraine, she's got answers for what-if-things-went-a-different-way questions for days. She's perfect, she's beautiful, she's Linda Evangelista. And I knew it from the moment I'd lain eye on her bc she starts like this: There's something to be said about feeling out of one's league when you're comparing yourself to the guy who's got like ten years on you.

BECAUSE YOU KNEW I'M A FUCKING HOPELESS SUCKER FOR THOSE COLD OPEN VOICEOVER TYPELINES OKAY, YOU JUST KNEW IT. YOU KNEW IT AND YOU MARKED IT ON YOUR CALENDAR AND YOU WERE LIKE THIS IS THE DAY WE'RE GONNA STRIKE. THIS IS THE DAY WE'RE GONNA SLAP KAY IN THE FACE WITH A CRICKET PADDLE NBD

Also, can we talk about the fact that Javi was so metnally on the defensive here? like I love that Walt actually for once in his life kinda had the upper hand the entire time???? Idk exaclty why. Maybe bc it plays against type, or what's established in canon which is essentially that Walt, god bless him ...... cannot be fuckin' helped SKSKS and now that I think about it, I guess Javi can't be helped but in a different way. And ultimately, his decision to not go to Mexico at the end of OG marks a pretty big departure from Walt at the end of Nmx, who's still v much addicted to The Game. So, to see a Drop That Flip It And Reverse It with these two was a sheer fucking delight, telojuro

Before we get to the most unexpected but not ooc turn for a character that I might've seen ever in a Narcos fic SPOILER ALERT YOU GUYSSLKDFJA;LSJF;LASKJDF ;LJK WALT TAKES UPSKDFLSKDJ FUCKING RUNNINGSDKFJKSJD 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ and it's so healthy and such sincere attempt at being well-adjusted of him that I want it. I want it desperately you guysskfdjdslkfj we get this unfathomably correct description of Walt by Javi: And so far, the guy's an enigma. He's got a subtle way of making people feel inferior ... Not in a spiteful kind of way, but Javi can tell he's probably pissed off a lot of people across the border with his aloof attitude and superiority complex. He's found that working with Mexican law enforcement, the ethnocentrism steaming off American officials pisses them off more than the actual cartels sometimes.

OKAY JESSSSSUSUS CHRIST I could devote like a 3hr long video essay treatise dissecting this thing but I will refrain sksks I just have to admire the like spot on description of Walt in a way that's like .... it reminds me of the end of S1 when he's finally revealed as the narrator, before the Leyenda shitshow, and we're sort of like "wait, tf is this asshole[affectionate]?" Like he is very much cloaked in an air of intrigue pre-S2 and I almost forgot about that entirely until reading this. Also, the whole American ethnocentrism thing is really interesting bc I do think that's a pretty significant diffs between the Mexican cops and Colombian cops. Like Colombian cops bristled against American exceptionalism but they didn't resent it more than they hated Pablo Escobar. Mexican cops on the other hand? They straight up wouldn't lift a finger for you, no matter what war Miguel or whoever tf be ragin' in the streets SKSKSK there's a more palpable middle finger to the US from Mx, but idk maybe that's just me ksjks

Alright I'll shut up about all that now and finally we can discuss it: the fucking. running. He gets up to five miles and Javi feels like he could die before he's two miles in. What's worse is that Walt is just talking as usual spewing off random pieces of advice and sharing new developments about the rising beef between the Sinaloa and Tijuana cartels. Javi can't get anything but grunts and squawks out as he voices acknowledgement that he's listening.

SLKDJFLKSJDFLKSJ WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS FUCKING SUFFOCATING LAUGHING AT THIS ENTIREASDKFJA;SJ WALT AND JAVI ON MORNING JOGS TOGETHER MAYHAPS TRYING TO OUTSPRINT THOSE TWO PACK A DAY SMOKING HABITS LEST THE WORKAHOLISM DOESN'T COME FOR THEM FIRST WITH A HEART ATTACK FLSJKDKFLJ like if you've ever met anyone who's Super Into Running like in the highly specific way I imagine Walt is Into Running, I have met those ppl and straight tf up - 95 to 1, odds are they're also raging workaholicsksks like I don't make the rules but someone did and they said these two things go together like PBJ. And Javi reaches his breaking point at like the most relatable of places: It's only when the discussion veers from work to the potential idea of their workouts becoming a regular occurrence that Peña finally snaps. "How do you do this shit for fun?!" I mean... Peña has never been and never will be more right than he is right here.

But just when I'm thinking this is all fun and games, you Drop That Flip It And Reverse It once again MAKING THIS SHIT ALL POETIC AND MEANINGFULFSLKDFJ;ALKJSDF;LAJ BC THERE'S A FUCKING REASON FOR THE RUNNING AND OFC THERE IS AND IT'S GENIUS AND SO CORRECT AND MAKES ALL THE SENSE AND BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEES WITH HOW MUCH I DIDN'T SEE SOMETHING SO RIGHT COMING AT ME

"This job's gonna suck the shit out of you. Better to have running as an outlet or shit something else." ... This crusade might be the death of him. Before he goes down, he wants to make sure the game doesn't take others down too. "There's another way, Javi," he says on another run. "There's always gonna be another way, a better way to win."

OH FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFF WITH THAT THERE'S ANOTHER WAYYYYYYYSF;KLJAS;DLKFJA;LSDKFJ;AOSIJF[QIWEJ[RIJ BC HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE ALL THOUGHT THAT WATCHNG WALT IN THAT FUCKINSKSJDF RAT RACE, SEEMINGLY INCAPABLE OF EXTRACTING HIMSELF FROM THE SAME DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS AND PERSONAL NARRATIVES, ONLY TO ASK OURSELVES, "DOES THIS MAN HAVE NO SENSE OF SELF PRESERVATION???????" AND YOU KNOW WTF YOU DID??????????? ON THIS DAY YOU SAID "WHAT IF!!! WHAT IF WALT DARED TO HAVE A MODICUM, A SHRED OF SELF AWARENESS!!!!! AND IM'SD;LIFJAWOEIJR IT'S JUST— IT'S INCONCEIVABLE— *sobs*

How Do You Do This Shit For Fun?

Day 2 of Narcoctober - Create a crossover for the OG Narcos show and NMX, featuring at least one character from each.

Characters: Javier Peña x Walt Breslin (DEA besties)

CW: language, discussion of drugs

WC: ~1k

A/N: Another day of Narcoctober down! Played a little fast and loose with canon and events bc there's no rules to this fandom shit. If you see any spelling/grammar errors, no you didn't. Enjoy some humor and a twinge of angst.

There’s something to be said about feeling out of one’s league when you’re comparing yourself to the guy who’s got like ten years on you.

Javi meets Walt a few months after his training period since becoming a DEA agent. He’s working out of El Paso, not on one given assignment, but working on multiple cases in the efforts to prove himself. He’s skirted by without much hazing or abuse as the new kid on the block, but he still draws the short straw and assigned the paper trail-intensive type of cases. It’s nothing you can seek your teeth into, but he bares it because this is the road to proving himself.

Walt’s able to transition out of his desk job in Sacramento and joins the crew down in El Paso under Kuykendall’s command. He takes a liking to Peña and brings him up under his wing, so to speak.

Javi’s heard the rumors, listened to the rumblings of what happened of the airfield disaster. He’s already been warned to be wary of Breslin for fear of having his own new DEA career in the hairs of being flushed down the toilet. On the other side of the spectrum, he’s heard guys rave about how much they admire the ballsy moves he’s willing to make to smoke traffickers out. Javi pays it all no mind though, wanting to form his own notions of the guy before passing judgment.

And so far, the guy’s an enigma.

He’s got a subtle way of making people feel inferior to his own thoughts and intentions. Not in a spiteful kind of way, but Javi can tell he’s probably pissed off a lot of people across the border with his aloof attitude and superiority complex. He’s found that when working with Mexican law enforcement, the ethnocentrism steaming off of American officials pisses them off more than the actual cartels sometimes. But Walt also seems to care deeply. He puts in the work, willing to go the extra mile. He’s quick to get back up after being kicked down to the ground. He takes the time to show Peña the ropes, genuinely wanting to share gems that’ll help him down the road as he continues on his journey.

They start running together in the mornings, Breslin’s way of making sure Peña stays sharp and non-complacent in his paper trail cases. Running, itself, is a relatively new hobby for Walt, something he wanted to pick up now that he’s serious about quitting smoking.

He gets up to five miles and Javi feels like he could die before he’s two miles in. What’s worse is that Walt is just talking as usual, spewing off random pieces of advice and sharing new developments about the rising beef between the Sinaloa and Tijuana cartels. Javi can’t get anything but grunts and squawks out as he voices acknowledgement that he’s listening as they run along.

Even his fucking jogs in between his sprints are fast as shit, Javi thinks to himself. It may be off hours, but he’s not going to be outdone by this guy. Call it a chip on his shoulder or just a guy thing, but it wasn’t happening even if his lungs felt like hot ass cotton right about now.

His descent to the ground is less than graceful when they take a break in the midpoint of their run. Walt simply sits on the nearby stoop while Javi stumbles and then flails his legs open on the ground. It’s a quiet area in the neighborhood, but he’d just have to get hit by a car if one happened on this silent road because he simply wasn’t moving.

He heaves in heavy breaths of air, fiending for oxygen much like the addicts that kept the cartels rich.

He opens his eyes when he hears movement and the sound of grunts next to him. They widen when he realizes that Breslin is doing fucking sit ups on the sidewalk. Peña curses to himself when he gathers himself up to start right alongside him.

“Gotta work the full body out,” Walt remarks.

This time, Javi makes no effort to hide rolling his eyes, but Walt doesn’t notice because he’s striking up another conversation about Gallardo possibly being the key to getting intel about just how expansive the cartel’s pockets were when it came to influence and corruption. At this point, Javi isn’t even trying to be engaged in the dialogue anymore. He’s just ready for this workout to end and to lay prone on his bed for the rest of the day.

It’s only when the discussion veers from work to the potential idea of their workouts becoming a regular occurrence that Peña finally snaps.

“How do you do this shit for fun?!”

His elbows scrape against the concrete like a vinyl record cutting off suddenly. He tells Breslin “fuck you” in his head when he looks over to see him still doing sit ups with perfect form, no less.

He has the nerve to fucking shrug as his reply to Javi’s question before finishing up and finally standing. He gives him a hand to help him rise along with him, which the younger DEA agent takes. “Call it a vice,” Walt shrugs again and looks down, almost as if embarrassed, “This job’s gonna suck the shit out of you. Better to have running as an outlet or shit instead of something else.”

Javi rubs at his elbows and watches the way Breslin morphs his face back into neutrality after the grim lacings in his tone just now.

They finish running the rest of their trail and Javi thinks that maybe he’s cracked a piece of the Breslin Rubik’s cube. The one-track mind when it came to tearing down cartels. The failed operations and burnt bridges. The occasional whiff of alcohol he emanated at random times throughout the work day.

This crusade might be the death of him.

Before he goes down, he wants to make sure the game doesn’t take others down too.

“There’s another way, Javi,” he says on another run, “There’s always gonna be another way, a better way to win.”

A/N: This was originally just gonna be a funny little fic but somewhere along the way, it became a mini character study as well? Sawry bout it. Click here if you wanna be added to my taglist. Taglist: @asirensrage @narcosfandomdiscord

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Light Novel Review — I'm in Love with the Villainess

A stunningly profound, entertaining, and queer title that eclipses other isekai and Yuri series

There are few titles the general public seems to be as excited about as Inori and Hanagata's I'm in Love with the Villainess, as it has been sitting at or near the top of Amazon's LGBT Manga list for months and Twitter is consistently abuzz with the latest news on this isekai Yuri series. I was somewhat more skeptical, as I have had relatively poor experiences with isekai and fantasy Yuri. Still, my excitement went through the room, and I eagerly boarded the "hype train" upon the cover reveal for the third volume. Yuri families, where two women raise children together, are one of my greatest desires and something I rarely see portrayed in the genre. However, I still had mostly low expectations for the series going into the first volume. I looked forward to some light meandering comedy and typical boring trope-filled isekai shenanigans. However, I'm in Love with the Villainess more than exceeded my expectations. No, even this statement is far too moderate to describe how utterly stunned and blown away I was by Inori's creation. I'm in Love with the Villainess is completely shattering and easily one of the greatest light novels I have ever read. Thus, I have no choice to award a perfect 10/10 score, my first ever for a light novel.

After waking up in the world of her favorite otome game, Revolution, protagonist Rae is ecstatic to be faced to face with Claire Francois, the game's villainous rival. However, Rae never played Revolution for the thrill of romancing any of the three attractive young princes. She was always in love with Claire. She attends the academy and studies magic in the fantasy world alongside Claire, the princes, and various other supporting characters. Using her skills from the modern world and her encyclopedic knowledge of Revolution, Rae manipulates the situation to be close to Claire, becoming her maid, and garnering status and money along the way. As an inevitable conflict looms closer, Rea begins to enact plans to protect herself and Claire, many of which are not fully understood or explained until the finale fantastically reveals the reasons for her actions. There is a natural and steady pace to the narrative that awards readers’  predictions and attention to detail.

I'm in Love with the Villainess has some excellent supporting characters, all of whom have unique personalities, histories, and abilities, some of which are revealed by Rae's exposition and others naturally throughout the novel. However, the stars of the show are the central couple, Rae and Claire. Claire is an elite aristocrat and extremely bratty. She often sneers at commoners and makes her disdain of Rae very clear from early on. On paper, she sounds like the perfect villain and someone all readers would despise. However, Rae's utter devotion and infatuation with Claire is so sincere that we cannot help but be pulled in and adore Claire and all her tantrums. Rae is a delight herself, continually flirting and poking fun at Claire, which gets her verbally berated, much to her masochistic pleasure. However, she is also exceptionally cunning and intelligent, and some of the light novel's greatest joys are listening to her analyze a situation or watching one of her plans fall into place.

“Ah, I’m… Well, it doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s irrelevant to cuteness—because, Miss Claire, you are cute.” “Huh?!” She pulled away. It was perfect—such a pure reaction. “Miss Claire, you hate me, right?” “Of course!” “That’s fine. Please keep teasing me. I love it.”

The beginning of the book does not immediately clue one into its brilliance. Sure, Claire and Rea get some great one-liners as they bully each other, and the scenarios are authentic and fun, but it is nothing shattering. I was feeling pretty relaxed and having a lot of fun with the characters, their relationship, and the various slice-of-life style scenarios they encountered until one section, I remember the exact page, 81, as it stopped me dead in my tracks. I was flabbergasted and briefly frozen before shooting up out of bed, shouting expletives as I ran to my office to immediately record what I had just experienced. It all begins with the line, "Hey, Rae. Are you what they call gay?" What followed was one of the most thoughtful, condensed, informative, and nuanced discussions of gay and queer identity (both terms used in this scene) I have ever seen in Yuri. Everything from representation in media, the perceptions of and prejudices against gay people, and the role gender plays in romance for bisexual and gay people are analyzed. Its commentary is succinct yet so respectful and forthright that it could have only come from genuine experience, thus selling the book and its characters so much more.

"Queer people were still overwhelmingly closeted in this world, which was rife with prejudice and nurtured little understanding. As I noted, the queer people depicted in the story were either the sex fiends Claire imagined or the free-loving sort Lene had in mind. Diversity and acceptance were a long way off.”

Thus, Inori's writing's beauty exposed itself, and the book opened itself up to a delightful cycle. The narrative masterfully integrates isekai slice-of-life hijinks, like running a cross-dressing café or battling a giant slime with nuanced and challenging moments that dissect complicated topics. The latter mainly consists of a growing rift between the aristocracy and common people, mirroring real-world wealth gap issues, but the novel also touch on matters such as unequal prison sentencing and segregation. Every scene helped further the complexity of the characters and their relationships or else built onto the world of Revolution. Speaking of which, I'm in Love with the Villainess has some of the best worldbuilding ever seen in a light novel.

Initially, brief exposition establishes much of the world, which is adequate if not exciting. I will mark up to a casualty of the light novel's serialized nature, as it must present readers its setting immediately. However, Inori does not stop here. Through the narrative, new elements are established, such as a magic system and the kingdom's politics. Rea notes and describes how the world, while clearly based on medieval Europe, has many modern Japanese attributes, as Japanese game developers created it. Her pointing out the intersection of the two is fascinating. Furthermore, A great deal of time is spent establishing characters and organizations all have their own wants, agendas, and methods, many of which are not even directly involved with the story. Instead, they act as a background and help further contextualize others. For example, the Church publicly appears to lean towards supporting the commoners in their efforts for equality but has its own agenda of superseding the nobility. While they play little role in Rea and Claire’s adventure, they are one of numerous factors contributing to the unrest of the lower class. All these additions are interesting, and it never feels like the story or characters suffer for their inclusion, quite the opposite.

“The Bauer Kingdom had started a step behind other countries when it came to magical research. They dominated the surrounding countries in military strength, and this had made them complacent, leading them to underestimate the value of new magic technology until the best researchers had all been enticed to other countries. Even after the king came up with his magic-focused meritocratic policy, Bauer lagged behind.”

I can only make complaints by scraping the very bottom of the barrel. Hanagata's beautiful art is too infrequent to add much to the light novel, and many scenes crying for illustrations are left to the readers' imagination. However, Inori so wonderful writes the story that one hardly cares and can easily picture every moment with delight. Besides, the manga adaption will nullify this issue. Where I cannot complain at all is the spectacular translation by Jenn Yamazaki and Nibedita Sen, one of Seven Seas best (which is high praise considering the competition). Sure, I was slightly disappointed at first to see the adaptation left off honorifics, but the more I thought about the setting, the more sense it made. I am sure people much smarter than I gave the issue much more consideration, and I am happy with their decisions.

I'm in Love with the Villainess left me reeling with how pleasurable and powerful it was. The story and characters are such a joy, and I cannot wait to see Rea and Claire bully each other again in the next volume. Astounding worldbuilding and powerful, thought-provoking politics surround their antics and the high stakes plot. Every moment of their journey will enthrall readers as they squeal with glee at its hilarious set pieces or are shocked by its commentary of society's most significant challenges. Inori has created one of the most delightful, heartfelt, complex, profound, and genuinely queer light novel series ever. If you only read one thing I recommend this year, let it be I'm in Love with the Villainess.

Ratings: Story — 9 Characters — 10 Art — 5 LGBTQ — 10 Sexual Content — 2 Final — 10

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment

Purchase I’m in Love with the Villainess in digitally (9/23) and in print (11/10) today: https://amzn.to/32NEyG1

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[wearevillaneve]

I love the KE fandom. Truly, I do. I

I'd better because I'm part of it and if I didn't love it, I would have folded up my tent and shut this blog down months ago and gone on hiatus until Season Four. But I can't because I'm a KE clown and chances are so are you. We're all clowns in this fandom and the clownery is fierce. But dear God, do some of you find the weirdest reasons to lose all your shit over.

I'm not reposting the now-notorious video that's making the rounds on social media of Eve and Villanelle apparently going from an embrace to a battle. It's out there if you want to see it. I don't think it means all that much. I just cannot give any headspace to a grainy, out-of-focus, video without dialogue, without context, and no sense of continuity. Do we even know which episode the scene will appear in or is it assumed it's the last one? Rewind back to the ending episodes of the first three seasons of Killing Eve. Did we ever get any spoiler in any picture or video or interview that Eve would stab Villanelle or Villanelle would shoot Eve or they would walk away from each other on a bridge only for them both to turn around? Remember how we all freaked out when we saw the video of Eve and Villanelle wrestling on the bus and Eve leaned up and kissed Villanelle right on the lips, and...oh wait--we never saw any previews of that scene!

The production team has never tipped their hand so clumsily as to what might happen in the last episode of the season. Not once did Waller-Bridge, Fennell, or even Heathcote show their hand that way. That kind of reveal would be fucked up and they haven't fucked up that way in the first three seasons, but suddenly they're going to give the game away in the last season? Now that we are standing on the cusp of the final episode of the final season of the show, and they are going to let a HUGE spoiler slip out so all the Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram sleuths can pause, zoom in, magnify, zoom out, rewind and dissect to the nth degree every little thing that happens in an unclear video? I think NOT. This is what the KE fandom does. It scrutinizes every photo or video that gets reposted all over the timeline, magnifies every ambiguous word said by Sandra and Jodie in an interview, and agonizes over every half-baked, half-assed rumor of how the show might or might not wrap up. It would be really exhausting if it wasn't so amusing. Time has a way of clarifying things that seem to be enigmas wrapped in mystery now. By this time we will know whether the video that dropped after the show had wrapped production on Season Four was as dire as it looked or it turned out to be a great big nothingburger. Based upon how Killing Eve has consistently stumped, shocked, and subverted expectations in the fandom for three seasons, I'm betting on the burger. The KE fandom is so good at guessing the future but so bad at guessing right.

[kitsoa]

So. Khux final. Your thoughts?

I knew I would see you in my Inbox! Greetings, been a while, apologies, summer vacation is tomorrow and I'm finally going to re-energize my fandom spaces. Overall thoughts: It was decent. Definitely a lot of wham moments and twists I didn't see coming. The execution of the characters were satisfying to a point that my complaints are truly weak by comparison. That said... I have gripes. Gripes that may have the bias of simply liking my own theories better but I plan to get the hell over myself. Long Post under the cut

The Darkness Ugh: I haven't commented on months of updated info due to the sinking distaste I had for the entire Sentient Darknesses conflict. I don't think it properly utilizes the Nightmare Chirithy concept and Darkling ideas that were heavily pushed in the early game (all the way to the last world). Regardless of the connection between the impetus of such threats, it felt a little shoehorned to create a new emergent threat in the Darkness Creatures. Ventus gets no blame, MoM and Luxu can feign some kind of noble intention, everyone is basically guiltless when trying to apprehend and eliminate a nebulous and hard-to-kill force such as them. I'll admit that it fits really well in the convolution of the Data-Worlds. The Union Leaders are a honeytrap essentially and it seems to have at least issued a major blow to the force of Darkness. I'm just not a fan of the implications of the future conflict I guess? I'm okay with Light and Dark themes but I really want them to explore it with more nuance. "Light is not Good" kind of tropes. I can't wait to see the Foretellers as bad guys but I don't want to blame some other possessing force. I want to see legitimate error and corruption. Maybe I'm being short-sighted with the development. I'm not giving it enough credit. It still makes my head spin with ideas.

Stuff I really LIKE because it reaffirms my thoughts on fictional realities which have already been confirmed but I am excited to see how literal it can get: Real Daybreak Town glitches as it falls to darkness. It's not as 'real' as any of them would like to believe. "A land where light and darkness cannot be controlled" maybe be fictional to MoM but that sounds like the real world to me. ※ is a literal icon for 'reference' which means the world is a reference to something else. Quadratrum is a reference to ffv13 AND/OR a reference to literal Shibuya the 'heart' of Tokyo. It can literally be both at the same time. I am convinced we are approaching terminal real world through this style of world-hopping. Playernort: I am actually pretty okay with the Player Xehanort thing. I firstly think it's funny because of the 'everyone is Xehanort' joke and now WE are Xehanort. If you believe in the infinite worldline idea than every Dandelion is Xehanort in some fashion because that avatar encompasses the entire Daybreak population and assumes the role of Xehanort's past life in some variation of the world's existence. I think it explains Xehanort's obsession with the keyblade war and finding the Union Leaders while I simply assumed there was something of value within them stirring that need. Heart reincarnation is a new(er) concept that is extremely interesting. It, first of all, says the quiet part out loud and confirms that 'sleeping hearts' are fricken Dead guys. I mean we know this but I don't think we have to call it 'essentially death!' it is death. You can literally choose to move on if you don't just sleep. There is no waking the player character anymore. They are literally a different person. It also invites some musing on Ventus and Sora's connection as semi-reincarnations. It's not exact because Ven did choose to sleep but the same process that happens in reincarnation was potentially invoked during their bond. My lore brain is very happy. Where they left off:

They say that you need someone to remember you at your destination, but Marly, Larx, and Ven had no one to bring them into existence like Maleficent did. A facet to the lore that really stumps me. Is that just a factor to ensure that they have memories? I have to assume so but I have no evidence. And we don't know if they are truly alone really (ven kinda wasn't) but it makes you wonder how the recollection of them was orchestrated. Of course Skuld is omitted, though she shares the unique context of leaving out of the same round of pods as Ephemer... who I don't think left at all. Ephemer is the only one who was still in his pod when it landed meaning he didn't time travel at all. I like to think that the Scala he creates has this... final world feel which leads me to believe he somehow ended up in the final world but he clearly didn't. Daybreak falls to darkness and he's swept up somewhere to create Scala. It's just interesting that he doesn't travel. It's a little similar to Kairi's use of the pod in that it just worked between worlds instead of time. And I think that's intentional on Ephie's part (to create the memories needed to bring his friends to the correct point in time?) The entire Brain situation leaves me very confused. There's Luxu possessing him? and Then he transports ahead in time? How does he have his memories if it was decided that he would arrive in Scala. Ugh. Whatever. It's interesting but dissecting Luxu isn't my forte so I'll leave it for when I'm feeling particularly inspired. Things left unsaid: Ava. That's the point I guess. They could have explained the Keyblade War much better. Worlds ending can be extremely vague.... Also, X-blade my ASS Xehanort was drunk and needs to go home and now I'm pissed at that stupid-looking keyblade and I wish it didn't exist because it CLEARLY DOESN'T APPARENTLY. Also, attempts at convincing me MoM is good have failed and I was not digging the insistent martyr thing he had going. I just don't trust him. Like one bit. I think he's playing everyone, but the Darkness shit bothers me because its not like I think he's siding with Darkness I just don't think that makes him noble or even misunderstood. Conclusion: This isn't necessarily a bad place to leave things off. It's very intriguing and I would love to see this reinterpreted. Thanks for forcing me to put my thoughts together, I had been avoiding this.