#i cannot listen to that song without crying

[syrupfog]

Sometimes Usopp has nightmares.

Not ones of his mom dying— no, those are no more than a dull ache now. But nightmares of being thrown at the feet of the man who single handedly started off the worst week of his life. Made him feel useless and broken.

Franky.

Usopp doesn’t think Franky bothers to remember how they met. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not important, right? They’re on the same team now, on the WINNING team. Franky built them the best ship in the world, and even made Usopp a tribute to Merry with the mini merry.

But sometimes at night, he’s trapped in that moment again, where he’s thrown at the feet of the man who was head of the Franky Family, who looked down on him like he was dirt, and scoffed when Usopp demanded their berri back.

And it happens all over again; getting attacked, hit again and again until he feels the crack of his bones and darkness billows into his vision, until the last thing he sees is Franky, behind that iron mask he wore, looking down at Usopp with, somehow worst of all, INDIFFERENCE.

And Usopp wakes up with a gasp, clutching his heart, sweat pouring off of him, only to find Franky snoring peacefully in the bunk below him.

And somehow that. That hurts.

It shouldn’t. They’ve made amends. They’ve reconciled. Franky has time and again wept with him and for him.

But that moment started off the worst week of Usopp’s life, and Usopp cannot help but wonder if everything would’ve gone down differently if Franky’s goons hadn’t touched him. If he’d had the same time to process as everyone else, had heard the news with everyone else.

Would he have still left the crew? Fought Luffy?

The fight still haunts him. He’s always been a useless failure of a pirate, but—

Usopp’s just not sure why Luffy even let him back.

And as his thoughts spiral and his pounding heart rate slows, Usopp blinks crusted tears from his eyes and wishes, DESPERATELY wishes, that he could have just BEEN Franky from the beginning.

He’s good with his hands. Maybe if he had just started studying to be a shipwright they never would’ve gotten to that point. Franky’s all but replaced him on the ship anyway, hasn’t he? He’s like everything that Usopp is, but better.

Stumbling out of his bunk, trying and failing to be quiet about it, Usopp slinks out of the bunk room and onto the deck. It’s a night so foggy that not even the moon lights their path. The lanterns hung on either side of the door to the kitchen the only things casting hazy light.

Which is why he jumps out of his skin when Brook appears in front of him like a ghost in the night.

“Yohohoho,” Brook laughs softly. “I’m sorry to have startled you, young master Usopp! I was simply out for a midnight stroll!”

Usopp blinks. “You’re not on watch?”

“No, it is our Captain’s turn right now. He’s up in the crow’s nest. I was thinking I might play him a tune— I’m not in need of much sleep these days— but perhaps you might be in need of it a bit more than him?”

Usopp doesn’t feel in NEED of a tune. He feels in need of sticking his head in a bucket of ice water, perhaps, to get his thoughts out of the dark place they’re spiraling towards. But he doesn’t want to disappoint Brook. “Sure,” he says. “What have you got cooking up?”

Brook’s violin is out in a heartbeat— although he has no heart— and after a few tuning notes, he begins a slow, deep rendition of Bink’s Saké. Usopp recognizes the melody but Brook has managed to turn it almost into a funeral dirge. Something mournful, crying out.

He feels like he’s intruding just by listening to it.

When the song is finished, Brook seems to breathe out (can he do that?) and with his breath his whole skeleton collapses down, like a marionette with all but one of its strings cut.

“I think, sometimes,” says Brook, “that I am not worthy of being the one who survived.”

Usopp wants to jump to his defense, tell him that Brook is NEEDED and NECESSARY and they COULDN’T DO THIS WITHOUT HIM.

But he remembers how empty those words sounded in the moment as Chopper yelled them, as Usopp left the crew on Water 7. Like empty appeasing platitudes.

“I think…” Usopp says, slowly, carefully, “that worthiness isn’t something that matters, in the end.”

He’s sitting on the deck, the chill numbing his feet. Brook goes to sit, gingerly, next to him.

“I think that the only thing that actually matters are the choices you make— and not EVERY choice. But the most recent choices.” He peters off for a moment. Brook looks especially creepy in the fog. “Whatever happened that led to you being here doesn’t matter. What matters is your choice now. And tomorrow. What matters is continuing on.”

He doesn’t believe it, not really. His choices haunt him. Every lie haunts him.

“I don’t make good choices,” he concedes, looking down at his calloused hands. “But I want to. I’m trying.”

Even if he doesn’t want to keep trying, sometimes.

Brook leans back, silent as a ghost for a moment, and then, quietly, “I know you are, master Usopp. You are not as lost as you think.”

Usopp doesn’t say anything after that.

Brook doesn’t either.

The morning comes with hot sun and the pounding of feet across the deck. Usopp wakes with a crick in his neck and shade over his eyes.

He blinks, inhaling the scent of pancakes. As his vision clears, he realises he’s only able to have slept so long because a straw hat had been placed over his head, hiding his face from the worst of the morning sun.

Usopp groans.

He pulls it lower, hiding the heat in his cheeks

“It’s the choices you make today,” he tells himself. “Not the old ones. Just the ones today and tomorrow and tomorrow.”

Because maybe if he tells himself that everyday, someday he’ll even believe it.

And until then, he can lie.

[asteromical]

tua season 4

[my-dark-happy-place]

Life of the Spider (Draft) by Halsey is genuinely the saddest song I have ever heard and 90% of all music I listen to is sad.

I fully get why Halsey didn't manage to fully record it in the studio and consequently why it's on the album as a draft.

[wyrm-with-a-why]

Cannot explain to you why this is Tfa Megamags coded but it is and I don’t want to hear arguments

[marysong-mp3]

I'm Only Me When I'm With You in Cincinnati, via kaylajb99

[mazzy-rockstar]

You said this thing that really stuck with me Back when you were in my life On the tube, everyone's ugly Guess it’s the unforgiving light

In your shoebox apartment Are you picking out an outfit To go out and eat gyoza in the park? And when the umbrella's open You should know that nothing's hopeless And I’m sending you a foggy shower screen heart I— I— I— I— I can't be without you Oh, I— I— I— I— I can't be without you (I—)

And now it's two AM in Tokyo There's cherry blossom in your hair You always were the least happy child I always thought that wasn't fair

And you always hid your sadness With the smoothest sleight of hand You were a TV talent show disappearing act And the Elvis' impersonators Crowding at the elevators Reminds you of a private joke we had

I— I— I— I— I can't be without you Oh, I— I— I— I— I can’t be without you

’Cause I miss your bones selfishly I need you next to me, I'm spiraling I miss your bones selfishly I need you next to me, I’m spiralling

I— I— I— I— I can't be without you Oh, I— I— I— I— I can't be without you

[goblinbugthing]

anytime somebody asks me what my favourite song is from this point onwards i will respond with this with absolutely zero hesitation

[hazardsoflove]

i started crying listening to save rock and roll in the car so i can only imagine how bad it’s gonna be for me when i see it live

[brightmoontrigon]

(sobbing messily for a bit while sitting at my computer) (some small part of my brain: ah this'll keep my eyes lubricated for a while, I don’t need to use my ointment yet)

[grantaireble]

Quick! Quick! Tell me something awful like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy.

[seventh-district]

takes a 5 minute break in the middle of writing a scene to sob over Swan Upon Leda by Hozier

[awkward-but-nice]

Every day I think about the line

"every coward seems courageous in the safety of a crowd // bravery can be contagious, when the band is playing loud // nothing makes a man so bold, as a woman's smile, and a hand to hold // but all alone, his blood runs thin. And doubt comes, doubt comes in"

and then I go absolutely feral

[crowleys-right-eyeball]

constantly burdened with the fact that crowley and aziraphale are literally two birds

[crazysnor1ax]

I’m right and you all should admit it /j

[nurse-buckley]

Do you ever just hear a song that just stabs you in the chest because it’s just perfectly describes your life?

[septembersghost]

fwiw I would read your essay on the Memphis album ☺

😭 thank you honey, it's worth a lot