#i cannot let this get to me this badly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inkskinned · 8 days ago

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i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

#spilled ink #warm up #tbh more of a diary than a poem #i need to write this stuff down bc my ptsd likes to forget trauma pretty much WHILE it's happening #and any time i find myself making it ''my fault'' again i have to walk myself through the grounding steps #it's so hard to describe emotional abuse. bc it's so fucking easy to get sucked into #like. you're an empathetic person. so when ur partner comes to you after a nasty fight and is like #“i really was trying to get my feelings heard and you didn't hear me last night” you're like - okay you know what #i'll do the right thing. this is my fault. let me take accountability and try to empathize and talk things out.#with the assumption that later - it'll be ''your turn'' right. you'll be able to bring up the screaming and talk about how #you BOTH need to make a safe space for each other. that you can't listen if your partner is literally shouting at you.#since YOU reflect and grow and try to be a better partner. you assume SHE will be doing the same thing.#but it is never your turn. she will never bring up the screaming. you cannot tell if she LEGIT just doesn't feel culpable.#and when u bring it up. she says ''so i deserved you talking to me badly? <- this doesn't go well.#she says you're blaming her. she doesn't understand that arguments are ''two sides and the truth''. it's that 1 person is right and 1 isn't #so u try to talk it out. get both perspectives heard. but over time it just becomes easier to let her get her rant out and shut up about u #until one day you wake up and despite months of treating you terribly - and admitting it 3 weeks ago!!! - she's now saying...#you were always terrible . you were always the issue. she never got her feelings heard.#meanwhile you remember literally MONTHS of supporting her and listening to her and silencing yourself.#and bc she TRAINED you to accept fault ... you just say sorry. you feel insane. you feel incredibly unhinged.#meanwhile. i fully am the kind of person that will reflect. come back after a fight. apologize before you ask. say things like #“i see your side now and i was wrong about this/that/the other thing.” ...... this is EMOTIONAL MATURITY.#she literally started calling it ''mindgames'' and ''flip flopping." ........#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #<- girl who def was emotionally abused but also doesn't really understand that yet #anyway love u get OUT OF THERE IF YOU RELATE BYE!!!!

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moreonthismoronlater · 5 months ago

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decided to just post all my recent deltarune art ive been posting to my bsky in one big chunk. if you cant tell, i like rouxls kaard a very normal amount :]

also half my fuckin tags got eaten bruh. i was talking abt how cringefail rouxls is. will be its own post i suppose

#deltarune #utdr #drawing #art #my art #ralsei #rouxls #rouxls kaard #rouxls my beloved #queen #queen deltarune #queenkaard #swatchling #king #king deltarune #they pourt water on him 💔#yes its WATER it is just WATER i was using a limited color palette its WATER #ralsei is blue bc i cannot figure out how to use green #these are ordered from oldest(like a few days ago) to most recent(yesterday)#so you can see me figure out how to draw these guys in real time #shoutouts to Cozylittleartblog for being the best QueenKaard shipper ever #they added more worms to my brain /pos #gonna just copy paste the extra context for the pickle drawing #queen getting burger #rouxls offers to eat the pickles for her. queen doesnt feel strongly abt pickles either way #so she lets rouxls eats the pickles thinking he just wanted them cuz he liked pickles #(he does NOT)#so shes all Woah Dude Are You Okay?#n rouxls is just there struggling and dying like “never…….. better….eth…… mine (chokes down a pickle slive) Queene”#i just love the idea of rouxls wanting to serve and impress queen so badly

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radicalcrashout · 17 days ago

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wish i could understand the tremblay hype and like i do understand i do get it but a) hockey players are so unattractive to me b) john lithgow is so unattractive to me

i don't understand. this is the first time in my entire fucking life that an old white man has not been like sex catnip to me. i have a track record for this sort of thing and trust me it's fucking dire and yet ??? someone please tell me what you find attractive about tremblay please i cannot bring myself to be remotely invested in that man

#i'm literally Big Dick Daddy Issues over here and yet i cannot get on the train #let me in #i want to understand so badly #is this what my friends feel every time i lust after some average oldhead #conclave 2024 #tueytxt

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thegirlwholivesin-delusion · 8 months ago

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I'm gonna fucking cry right now.

Please help spread this post so other people don't make the same mistake I made.

I downloaded an app called LooksMax AI because pinterest recommended it to me (without reading the comments which IK was my fault but it was like 2 am and I was not in the best state of mind). And I stupidly uploaded a picture of myself on there (IK it's bad idek what I was thinking) and I tried to delete it because well they wanted me to pay and shit. I did not find the delete option so I contacted support (4 FUCKING TIMES) AND EACH TIME THEY JUST SENT AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE AND when I replied to the response, they did not reply back. Now my pics are not getting deleted and I feel so violated (it was only face pics but I absolutely hate my face being anywhere to the lengths that I do not allow my bsfs to post me on their insta account).

Now I don't know what to do. So please do not be stupid like me and do not download that app and most importantly DO NOT UPLOAD YOUR PICS.

#Oh I downloaded it to know what hairstyle would suit my face.#I fuckinf hate this #this is a mess #oh god #cannot even tell my parents unless I want to get scolded really fucking badly (trust me this is better than that)#oh what do I do #FUCK THOSE PEOPLE #one time I let my sleep deprived self take over and this happens #ugh #anti ai #fuck capitalism

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finn-ickymentalstability · 8 months ago

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I am so sad this doesn’t already exist (at least that I can find) but I need a Larry Stylinson edit to Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy. I know it’s two seperate sides of the internet but I’m really hoping there’s someone else who has interest in both of these things and has the ability to make edits because I think I would sob seeing this.

“Oh why do you get so emotional over Fourth of July by fall out boy? Just say that you’ve never had a weird gay situationship and move on!”

Tumblr please I am begging you have someone find this that is able and willing to deliver!

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adore-gregor · 3 months ago

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i'm back on tumblr (again)

#exams are over mostly #for now at least until may altough i might have one next week let's see #but so far so good #i did postpone a few unfortunately thought but it is what it is i'll still have to do them this semester #it's gonna be tough but i'll pull through and i want to prepare even better i can do this #the one's i did though i die exceptionally well on which makes me kinda proud ig #i got an a on two really difficult one's as the only person :oo lol ig i did something here #feels like i cracked some code for studying and ngl it feels so good i want more results like these #not sure it will work on all exams though but i feel like my studying techniques were pretty spot on and i actually studied more than usual #i feel like i'm getting addicted to this lol like actually being good at uni feels so good so rewarding #i mean i always wanted it and i have been good at uni for some time now but like i did even better this semester - i finished with no c #and lots of a's #but then also i wish i could just study for the enjoyment of it 🥹#don't get me wrong i love learning and being at uni most of the time is actually enjoyable :)#and i like learning the materials because it's interesting to but actually sitting down to study - the anxiety takes so much away from that #when i sit down and study it's usually with so much anxiety ... how do you study without those negative thoughts in your head constantly #i'm always convinced i'm gonna fail anyway and also when i don't meet my study goals on a day i get stressed because i'm behind schedule #and disappointed whenever i don't study as much as i planned or even not at all #like i tell you before i wrote that exam i got an a on i thought oh i might fail i'm gonna need a bit of luck to get a d #altough i thought i could also get a better grade but i have no judgment #part of me still thinks i got a bit lucky with the questions and i still cannot fathom how i did that ngl #i'm trying to stop these thoughts to make studying more enjoyable and i try to tell myself it's not a linear process #and sometimes it takes longer than expected but then your knowledge increases exponentially at one point #or i also feel like i set myself such unattainable study goals i'm bound to not meet them #and i should really prioritize my sleep more and not study in terribly sleep deprived states sometimes #i did get better with that but still it's so bad how i'd sacrifize my mental health for my grades 🥲#but if i'd fail an exam or do badly on it i'm also always so disapointed in myself so it's like i can't win ��#i just want better balance with good grades and having a life and being in a better mental state #i do have some internal motivation like i want this for my future still i wish i could be more internally motivated #i also don't want my parents to worry and want to make them proud altough that's not a bad one

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toestalucia · 2 months ago

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pacing back and forth thinking about dad asking logia if it truly was fine to leave seox

#stardust speaking !#'he wouldnt know' but itd be funny if he did. logia introducing themself to dad in the simulations im eating my hat let me grab the #screens in a bit #gbf spoilers//#srry im gonna talk about main story again #dad who (probably) does not know anything about their family not telling his child about Their family....#because dad & mom lost them when istavion attacked........#not talking about it cuz u dont want ur child to seek revenge......#thinking about dad hoping to live peacefully w their kid but eventually having to leave for estalucia anyway. as if enough shit hasnt #happened in his life #alternatively going to estalucia for mom #is there rly any chance mom is Not part of the reasoning..........shrine maiden & primal killer....#crimson horizon aauughhh.............the corruption.......the people who arrived at the moon.....omnipotent who comes from outer space.....#WHY ARE U FACING THE OMNIPOTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENT(s clone)#(guy who knows that with his luck his kid is gonna become the singularity) my kid wont become the singularity #thinking about walfrids lines about that too. dad doesnt want another singularity...oughhhhhhh.......what happened back then.......#walfrid & baragona being luminary knights when they Should Know true king kidnapped aunt & is the reason moms parents are dead #is so funny to me LIKE WHAT HAPPENEEED.....WHY IS AUNT STILL THERE..............DID U LOSE BADLY AND THIS WAS THE COMPROMISE..........#did u sign up....did true king talk about the otherworld......#how much did u guys find out on that journey............when multiple members are so tightly tied to the gods.....#they should start the next update with a flashback. for me. just jumpscare me with young dad & mom & walfrid & baragona & rosetta #wait when did true king even get the luminary knight tablet thing. cuz that was a gift for erste right. did walfrid&baragona become luminar #knights Before the tablet was in true kings hands. did he grab it while he kidnapped aunt. i need to reread act1&2 man......#its been a billion years.......#anyway 5* black knight funniest fate eps in the entire world #we need to put alliah & apollo in the same room again #girlies with strained relations w/ their dads #speaking of tau'luk. saving the world or the person u love.#cupitan u HAVE to save tristette. do u hear me. we will handle the world u focus on tristette. u cannot choose the world #this crew is loved ones first world second

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the-way-astray · 1 year ago

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holding out hope . . . don’t act like it’s set in stone . . . it’s not . . . yet . . .

(much ranting in the tags)

#kotlc #yes this is about the POSSIBLE keefe short story collection or book or novella about his time in the forbidden cities emphasis on POSSIBLE #i can’t deal with anymore keefe content guys i can’t do it anymore there’s already too much #let me OUTTTTTTT shannon i just wanna be done with this series stop holding me hostage let me FREEEEE /hj #if it's keefe-centric and away from the main story why can’t she just release it AFTER the series is finished? like this is SOPHIE'S story #obviously with the baby and whatnot i’d be cool with her not releasing a book for another year but releasing extras IN PLACE of a REAL book #i don't understand /gen #if she has the energy to write a book why doesn't she just write the next one #it might not be that though that's just a possibility obviously i'm just curious #in the case that this extra is going to be released in the place of book ten this year it's like well. why doesn't she just do book ten #i wish i could say “i'm not a keefe hater but this is too much keefe content” but i am a keefe hater so #IT'S FINE IT MIGHT NOT BE THAT MAYBE WE'RE ALL SUPER WRONG AND SHANNON'S JUST HAVING A SILLY GOOFY TIME #also even if this IS a special announcement we could still get book ten news? along with the announcement? mayhaps?#manifesting book ten news along with the special announcement please shannon #sigh hoping praying manifesting anything not keefe #if it is a short story collection i cannot tell you how BADLY i want it to be the adults' backstories #like i'm rereading unlocked rn and grady edaline alden and della all have so many blank spots in their registry files???#an extra could fill those in . . . just saying . . .#also the ancients #the ancients are super interesting . . . just saying . . .#luzia's pyrokinetic friend! fallon and luzia's mom! fintan (possibly) throwing vespera in the dungeon! luzia and vespera light experiments!#fallon and the other two on the original council! bronte and fintan's relationship! fintan and luzia's relationship!#bronte working under fallon as an emissary! them going to meet the ogre king! luzia and orem's relationship! why orem doesn't like his mom!#so many possibilities . . . come on shannon . . . please . . .#give us this . . . just this . . . begging pleading imploring shannon to hear my prayers #throw a great gulon incident short story in there to keep the keefe stans happy and then get into the juicy stuff #anyway. if we manifest no keefe content there won't be keefe content <- lying #kotlc unraveled #unraveled #mine

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widevibratobitch · 4 months ago

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laalalalala another vent post because i have no therapist to pay for listening to my bullshit

#i just dont fucking get it lol #like i genuinely just cannot grasp the concept #i dont usually do this but i finally snapped and asked her if she thought about how *I* would feel when she texts me #about the 'letting herself go' and how she's disgusting and a monster. and she hits me with a 'no because this is how she feels #she's feeling really really badly so that's what she's thinking about atm' like ok??????????? is this like. normal?#because no matter how horrible i feel at any point of time i will ALWAYS think about how my words may affect the other person FIRST #because the last thing i want is to make someone feel worse because i feel bad. there is a constant calculus party going in my brain #where i try to calculate how much and in what words i can tell say to this particular person to absolutely minimise the chance #that they'll feel bad or uncomfortable or whatever because of what i say. ofc i will slip up and miscalculate every once in a while #shit happens and i am sorry if i do but at least i can honestly say to myself that i did what i could to Not do that.#i will always think about the other person first because (usually) id like people to return the same action towards me.#and idk maybe im tweaking here but isnt that like. normal???? like the obvious logical thing to do they teach you in kindergarten?#sorry. heavily catholic upbringing moment but what happened to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'????????#anyway. obviously there will always be slip ups and unusual occasions but to openly just state that because you were feeling really bad #you didnt really care what the other person would feel when you tell them something is fucking WILD to me. like genuinely inconceivable.#this is not to assume a holier-than-thou persona but i really do think this is the normal fucking thing to do if you're an adult?????#like oh my god sometimes you will just have to shut up and not fully vent upon someone especially if its uninvited and out of the blue #i think its different if you're having a heart-to-heart trauma bonding moment or sth and someone *asks you* to vent etc etc #but to just treat every instance when you're feeling bad as a permission to just say whatever with 0 consideration for the other person???#wild. really fucking weird to me that's all.#✨tumblr vent posts✨ dont count ofc you are not only allowed but legally required to say the deepest most horrible batshit insane thoughts #that ever cross your mind <33 like i would not tell a person irl that i daydream about the woodchipper thing obviously cause its fuckn nuts #uwu teehee episode 2137 of 'i dont understand the way the world and other people work and its driving me insane lol&lmao'

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clownov · 5 months ago

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when i was a kid i hated my body for being 'wrong' but loved that it let me rollerskate, when i was a teenager i hated & mistreated my body deliberately as a way to focus and control myself, & now i hate my body for acting like i'm dying again over the smallest stupidest shit and for being vulnerable to vitamin deficiencies, health problems, death & i still won't grow up & take daily fucking multivitamins

#I HAVE HAD 3 SERIOUS VITAMIN DEFICIENCIES IN 8 YEARS #& I'M STILL TOO SCARED AND DISORGANISED TO TAKE FUCKING MULTIVITS EVERY DAY #I HAVEN'T WORN MY GLASSES MORE THAN 3 TIMES A YEAR SINCE COVID STARTED #i cannot live like this being scared of going outside or being on my own or my parents not being there or eating something 'scary'#i can't believe it's been another fucking year of living like this #i want to live so fucking badly but my stupid body won't let me #'i cannot live like this' meaning i need a way to get better i will try near fucking anything at this point #i love being alive #love Living would love to go to town by myself some time #would love to go to town full stop i can't even go with people any more without panicking #my post #wait isn't there a surgery or something that temporarily stops cortisol production #can i do that without anaethetic (scary)

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faramirsonofgondor · 2 years ago

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phil dunster is so real for getting high and then being gay on his insta story.

#phil dunster #brett goldstein #you cannot tell me this man wasn’t high out of his mind #‘good bloke good egg good guy good MAN’#‘he’s got gold in his name i don’t think that’s spoken about enough that’s the that’s that’s that’s the most best thing heheheehe’#he was just saying words but half of the words were very gay #pls sir give me access to your mind #someone let this man get fucked by brett we all know he wants it so badly

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magpiesbones · 10 months ago

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worst thing about being disabled is that now I am fully and completely aware of exactly how much I am worth to everyone I know. And it is not a lot!!

#like. it gets to me. A lot of the time it’s ohhh your life is priceless and. Well. Okay I did just see you put a price on it though.#like. It’s not always blatant but the laziness comments get to me. The stupid comments get to me. The money comments also get to me.#Either all life is precious or I am a drain on society. you cannot have both.#Why is my life worth less than twenty dollars. Better yet why are YOU gambling with MY life. wear your FUCKING masks.#like I’m usually fine bc I simply do not have the capacity for any more shit. I am existing in less dimensions than most ppl and Not Aware #And then when I am better I experience two entire years of Concentrated Cosmic Horror before I fold back down into being two dimensional #Cosmic horror? Eldritch horror? I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW. what I do know is that I straight up Do Not believe in the soul anymore bc of this!#like I’m horrified!! It is literally horrifying. If I still had all of me I could write some deeply fucked up metaphor but rn what I’ve got #Is like. okay so I’m supposed to be like. A galaxy on the inside folded into a person shape. Right #there’s stuff happening in there. three to five trains of thought at once etc. etc. and that is not what I have anymore. what I have now is #like. One planet and a white dwarf. not even a neutron star. And everything else went out so gradually that I didn’t really notice but #I woke up one morning and it’s not there and then I got into the habit of not looking up bc that’s a lot of work and I have to keep paintin #galaxies on the ash of this stupid little planet. And then I experience random bandaid treatment and Have The Knowledge again and.#I get to experience Plato’s allegory of the cave in REAL TIME and involuntarily!!#It really does suck that the only time I am able to comprehend the magnitude of my loss is when I’m not experiencing it!! bad times!!#I’m tired of being agreeable. Wear masks. Petition for air purifiers in public spaces. Or I start biting for real #if you notice I’m dealing with long covid a. BADLY. you’re right!! Gold fucking star! I challenge ANYONE to deal with The Bullshit actually #I’m not going to let myself be martyred for the fucking. Economy. Bull FUCKING shit.

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witchofinterest · 1 year ago

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Friendship with my forensics classmates is over, they changed my slides and i didn’t notice till now and this is our final

#was it sooo hard to tell me #if it needed to be changed #and not just do it and not tell me #bc i liked my slides so i only checked the first one #which they didn’t change #i have 3 #i hate them so badly … do they want me to fail???!!!!!!!!#they know i’m emotional recently … i have an anxiety disorder i cannot do this #i am not letting him talk on my slide idc if he changed it #he has all the other slides this one is mine #i compromised and took the hardest perspective so he could have the one he wanted #i hate him soo badly he knows particpation is part of it and he only cares if he gets a good grade

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nyxdimandis · 1 year ago

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with the full disclaimer that i might be missing some context or significant piece of information & am fully welcoming anyone to inform me, i feel like. it really just doesn't seem like a huge deal that one of the "poison" storyboard artists is into "dark" kink. like this really feels like a non-issue to me

#tw sa mention #<- this is the only tag im putting on here cause i dont wanna get jumped #but like. idk. i feel like this is really just coming from people who don't..... understand how kink works?#and to preface im ace im not into kink im DEFINITELY not into hard/dark kink #but like ...... noncon is a whole genre of fanfic. cnc isn't an unpopular fetish. people who are into either of those things aren't #saying they find real life instances of assault to be hot. its fiction. its a fictional fantasy that in plenty of contexts is being #projected onto exclusively fictional characters #it sits super badly with me that people say 'you shouldnt let people with these kinks work on this show/hire these people' because #the sex lives of your employees being a deciding factor in what you allow them to work on seems. hm. really fucking weird ??#and ALSO also this person was JUST a storyboarder. they literally cannot be 'glorifying' or 'romanticizing' or whatever because #they are only STORYBOARDING they do not control the actual writing direction of the issue or #how it is framed by the narrative or handled within the writing #and the writing of hazbin hotel very clearly and repeatedly says 'hey this is a really bad thing that impacts angel super negatively and #he is all but verbatim saying he hates it and it is destroying him from the inside out'#and again i AM open to being corrected on this if there's some crucial info i'm missing or whatever and i DO think #there ARE glaring issues with the treatment of the subject of sa/harassment within the show #im not even going to get into the viv drama on twitter about this because. jesus christ #but. idk. i feel like this detail gets dragged on SOOOO fucking much when there are MUCH more productive discussions we could be having #mine

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hermitsdump · 1 month ago

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sorry for liking and unliking and liking your post. symptoms so bad today I might go on a phone ban

#I'm always trembling like I got caffeined lately and I cannot figure out why #I have been taking care of myself I promise #I just want to shower so fucking badly #like so what if I pass out in it. I think that's worth it #maybe #ughhhhh #fr though the chest pain was so bad it followed me in my dreams like plsssss #let me forget for a little while every heartbeat doesn't have to hurt??#it's like the weeks when I was breathing incredibly slow trying not to panic and that was like 8 yrs ago and I only found out last year what #that was about while writing fic 💀💀💀💀 like oh OK that's why every heartbeat was incredibly painful for months #but why NOW I'm having more respirations I'm responsible I know how to breathe #fic writing has explained more about health to me than actual hospitals I hate it here lmfaooooo #....maybe I am forgetting to breathe actually I need to count them #but breathing faster feels like. stupid and forced and like I'm trying to simulate a panic attack #idk what's wrong with me at this point #always freezing and burning and feverish and like. that can be presyncope #usually hotdrinks make me sweat immediately #but this week even that and being right in front of a space heater my hands are like ice #.....maybe I will survive the summer after all #is it going to get worse every month thoigu. from blood loss. hrt could. save me probably #I should have left the fucking country when I turned 18 #also waking up after sleeping in an actual bed not passing out on the floor #but feeling like my skeleton is a plastic miniature that was stomped on #idk I think I need to take a day to cry about the pain of being alive and then get over it <3 #come here the great impersonator I need to process life again

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vanishintoyou · 2 months ago

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may moodboard

#oh my fucking. god. the paralyzing anxiety i missed u 🤣🤣🤣#there simply SHOULDNT be this many unknowns in life (like maybe 3.5 rn)#(it's simply too much for me)#and my DUMBASS as ALWAYS was like yes sure i can and i will do all that at the same time. sure #as if i can do just 1 thing at any given time in a normal way #🗒#and now my project group is having drama CAN WE STOPPPPPP #i simply canNOT play the role of the peacemaker on top of all THAT lolllll #and now listen to me this is gonna sound so funny after all of this LMAO #like get your priorities straight girl but im serious about this #i still DO NOT have any gaga tickets whatsoever everything is going so badly #i will not be abandoning hope until the day of the concert huh. girl let go 😭😭😭 dont u have enough troubles #oh AND some of these troubles involve money as well. like it's all going so badly lol #well at least i have successfully revived my laptop 👍 yay for that #i WILL be playing dos2 in summer then. small wins

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