#i cannot imagine how tim deals with all these nightmares

[wondersinwaynemanor]

a Tim Drake headcanon

Tim Drake has constant nightmares.

so i just think that when Tim has nightmares about everyone he thought he lost like Bart or Kon or Bruce. Tim goes for his camera that's on his bedside table for easy grab, to remind himself that they are back and alive.

he scrolls through the recent photos there : a photo of Bart and Cassie laughing brightly when they were playing Mario Kart. a selfie of him and Kon, where he's wrapped in his leather jacket. a photo of him and his best friends, where they were in another planet for a mission and they were covered with alien goo; they thought it was History in the Making.

a recent photo of Bruce, captured during one of their Sunday brunches. he's smiling with his eyes crinkled (which rarely happens), when he found out about Damian's art project being chosen to be presented at the school fairs because apparently, "My teachers said that my art is one of a kind, Father."

sometimes it gets quite difficult for Tim to close his eyes and let sleep consume him again. so he calls Kon, "Please tell me something, Kon. Please tell me you love me, and you won't leave me again." he just wants to hear his boyfriend's voice, to feel secured and assured. Kon doesn't have to be told twice because he replies with love. in some cases, Kon goes to the Manor and holds Tim until he's able to rest, whispering sweet words.

but there are also those kinds of nightmares, or more like painful memories of the Red Hood hurting Tim at the Tower.

Tim gets out of bed and checks the walls of the Manor, where it shows the many present photos of the family, all captured mostly by him. his favorite to look at is of Jason reading a book in the library and he has that small smile caused by something he read from the novel on his hand. it tells Tim that this is the now and that Jason is his big brother.

he tests this theory by peeking through Jason's slightly bedroom door (Jason rarely keeps it locked to remind himself that he isn't buried and trapped) and stares at Jason's sleeping form. Jason looks peaceful and harmless. if he wanted to hurt Tim again, he would have done it by now, right? on those occasions where's it's the two of them in the Manor? On Jason's motorcycle when he offered Tim a ride back home? At one of Jason's safehouses when he saved Tim in one of their night patrols?

one night when Tim is about to go back to his room after making the conclusion that Jason is sleeping.

"Back to stalker mode, Timmy?" Jason's voice is not filled with sleep. he must have been awake the entire time.

"Um... Just checking. Nightmare."

"Nightmare, huh? Well, fuck, me too. Let's get some coffee, I'll make us some. And if you want to talk about it, you can tell me."

and Tim has to look up to smile at Jason because he's so damn tall and Tim is so little.

"Thanks, Jay."

[outrunningthedark]

Think fandom as a whole has too many expectations regarding 5b and will be disappointed if some of our theories don’t happen but this is 9-1-1 some of the scenes will be better than what we imagined whereas others won’t be

I know I come across as the negative type who likes to ruin people's fun, but those posts are never directed at anyone who understands speculation cannot and should not be treated as 100% facts. It's the folks who express genuine anger or disappointment when an episode doesn't meet their expectations that need the reality check. We're not writing the show. We're not directing it. We're not making the decisions. Buck and Eddie's relationship is progressing at the pace that Tim, Kristen & co. feel is most appropriate given where they started. This isn't LS and Buddie isn't Tarlos. TPTB are not going to put our boys in a "romantic" moment before they've figured out how to deal with the whole "Lol, remember when we told you they were straight? We lied." part of the story. If it's taking too long and fans are running out of patience? The option to leave is always available. I want to specifically highlight this part of your ask - but this is 9-1-1 some of the scenes will be better than what we imagined - because it's SO TRUE and I wish people focused on the stuff we DIDN'T expect as opposed to the stuff that was expected and not given. Let's use 5A as an example just because it's still fresh in our minds: - Eddie had a panic attack alright. Over the idea of marrying Ana. - I don't remember anyone correctly predicting the doctor would be the one to tell Buck Eddie was hospitalized??? - FIRST hug between Buck and Chris where Buck LIFTS him into his arms!!! Hello!!! Still screaming about it!!! - "He takes Christopher [to the zoo] all the time. Has the place memorized." - "You need to tell me when something is wrong." & "Is that enough?" - WHO knew the EddieAna break up was gonna be LIKE THAT!!! "Maybe you should go home first." That was an "Oh. We're really doing this." moment for everyone!!! - B A L C O N Y S C E N E - Eddie having none of Buck's "I'm requesting a transfer" bullshit (those expressions!!! the attitude!!!) and saying "You're stuck with us." - Buck approaching Mitchell and that other guy when they threaten Christopher??? Eddie saying Buck's name ONE TIME and giving him *a look* in a silent plea to get him out of the ambulance??? Buck SAYING EDDIE'S NAME AS HE HEARS A GUNSHOT??? AND THEN SCREAMING FOR HIM AS HE RUNS OUTSIDE??? - Buck knowing he had to get Eddie out of his head when they think Parker and his sister died in the hospital fire - Buck calling Eddie out on the fact that he secretly enjoys telenovelas - Buck asking what the doctor said about Christopher's recent nightmare because he knew Eddie wouldn't hide that from him I have my grievances with 5A (piss poor planning/organization, the erasure of Chimney killed my spirit because I wanted the firefam helping with Jee, and I had no use for BT when Buddie is right there and MW's acting is not up to par), but you will never see me *seriously* complaining about the Buddie content we were blessed with. ALL of the details I listed took place while each one of the guys was in a relationship WITH SOMEONE ELSE. What do you *think* is gonna happen when we no longer have to deal with TKelly and Eddie is still single? Season three ringing any bells? What about early season four before Ana showed up? Marathon, not a sprint, y'all. Let's take it one week at a time.

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

I have and idea for what could happen after Mikey posts the video of Danny's rad dancing. Its not canon compliant but I don't care.

Danny's popularity at school gets a temporary boost. And it's not because of who he's dating or him being bribed as a judge. People are just impressed with his dance moves and with how "fly" he looked in that retro outfit.

That video of Danny dancing could lead to the drama club inviting/begging Danny to join. Perhaps for a specific character, like Bonejangles for their high school rendition of Corpse Bride (Tim Burton movie), and be the lead for the song Remains of the Day. If that goes well he could be the leading man for their next play, maybe as Jack Skeleton in the christmas play, high school rendition of The Nightmare Before Christmas (famous Tim Burton movie).

Just because Danny can dance is no guarantee that he can also sing or act. But, assuming he had those talents or willingness to learn them, with that ghost wail of his he could project like nothing else. And if he could channel the confidence and charisma and presence he feels when he's Phantom, that would help him get into those characters.

What if Danny was such a talented and impressive theater geek that he could get the A-listers to cheer?

his wail affecting his voice in a theatre role is a rad concept I love it

also yeah damn he would be a phenomenal actor because he has to lie about shit constantly without batting an eye and he's used to playing a 'character' in both his forms

the only hiccup is that I cannot imagine him being able to juggle rehearsals with his ghost hunting, like I'm just imagining he gets roped into maybe one play that he can't get out of because of shenanigans (maybe it's for extra credit or something I dunno, is that how 'extra credit' works?? I don't actually know what it means outside of convenient plots points in movies)

and he's just so good at it that he has all of the theatre kids on his tail constantly harassing him into joining, or at least into teaching them his methods because holy shit how do you project your voice like that? WHAT'S YOUR SECRET???

and he's just like internally screaming because having to deal with ghosts fast enough to get back to rehearsals on time was a fucking nightmare and he was NOT interested in doing that again

it would absolutely not stop the theatre kids tho and they will take literally any chance they can get to rope him into a performance, probably including threats and/or bribes, some of which may actually end up working (when someone offers to do all of his overdue assignments he would be a fool not to consider it)

[nuclidic]

So predictably for the Ultimate Ship Meme thing I want to know ALL your TImKon headcanons. I'm especially looking forward to the domestic stuff~

Rate the Ship -      Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs    How long will they last? - FOREVER. I will say the one good thing about them not being canon is that DC cannot break them up for drama since comics writers are allergic to stable relationships.

   How quickly did/will they fall in love? - So my headcanon for Tim is literal as in I literally consider him to be in love with Kon in preboot canon. I don't see that for Kon so I'm open to a lot of interpretations! But like, don't argue with me I'm passionate about my headcanons. I think Tim fell in love gradually without realizing it. At first he was kind of constantly exasperated by Kon even as they became friends, then it became exasperation he couldn't live without as his...I want to say respect but I'm not sure if it's the right word - for Kon grew. Kon became his very best friend first, and that's when the romantic feelings started unnoticed. I'd say he's solidly in love by the time Kon finds out about his Luthor heritage, though Tim definitely doesn't notice. He might start to realize his feelings after Kon died, but it's also a good time to tamp them down and compartmentalize because Kon is dead and why deal with those feelings now. When Kon comes back though... the feelings are going to leak their way out eventually, Tim can't suppress them forever though he might try. He might try his best not to acknowledge them at all or heck, recognize them and then cram them back down. But he's not going to fall out of love with Kon, so good luck with that. Kon I think was vaguely attracted to everyone he met for a while since he was basically a roiling mass of teenage hormones, so he probably thought Robin was hot and annoying. That faded as he re-categorized Tim from "annoying but smoochable" to "friend" but I think that category could easily swing to "best friend but smoochable".

   How was their first kiss? - I think it started out slowly and easily, light kisses and laughter and it was so easy as they fit together, and it wasn't long before they were just lost in each other.

Wedding:

   Who proposed? - Tim    Who is the best man/men? - Bart of course! Possibly they both share Bart but depending on if Tim has a good relationship with Dick again I think Tim would want him as his best man.    Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - I think if they have a big wedding party they might get Steph, Cass, or Kara in there.    Who did the most planning? - For their public wedding, the wedding planner with Tim peering over his shoulder. It's got to be a nightmare working for Tim in nervous perfectionist mode.    Who stressed the most? - Tim    How fancy was the ceremony? -    Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. I think they had two weddings - a simple ceremony with family and close friends only, and then later (possibly much later) a large public ceremony for like all of Gotham, since Tim is a public figure.    Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Supervillains?

Sex:

   Who is on top? - Kon They switch.    Who is the one to instigate things? - Kon more often because he doesn't get as distracted by casework.    How healthy is their sex life? -    Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now    How kinky are they? -    Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head I do like them to get into some kinky stuff and I'd totally write a story about them discovering BDSM if I thought I could manage it.

  How long do they normally last? - Kon has a super refractory period and probably builds up super stamina pretty quickly.    Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - They probably have competitions sometimes tbh.    How rough are they in bed? -    Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.    How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -    No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Kon talks Tim into being okay with some PDA eventually.

Children:

   How many children will they have naturally? - If by "naturally" you mean Tim clones* them a baby with both their genes, probably one. If this is mpreg and it's Tim who's pregnant, probably also one. If it's Kon who's pregnant, two or three.    How many children will they adopt? - Adoption seems the way to go! I like to imagine them ending up with at least two children, probably acquired in a superhero way. Probably more if they get them when they're older.    Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Kon because Tim somehow disappears when they get stinky.    Who is the stricter parent? - Tim. He remembers what he got up to as an unsupervised child and tends to overcorrect, luckily Kon is there to buffer him.    Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Honestly they probably end up encouraging it, though Tim tries to seem like he disapproves.    Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Kon, he's got the whole morning routine down because Tim is either still asleep or a zombie who can only seek out coffee.    Who is the more loved parent? - They're both good parents, their children love them both.    Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Kon. Tim only shows up when he needs to threaten/bribe the school board.    Who cried the most at graduation? - Kon    Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Tim, but they're probably more scared of what Tim will say when he comes to get them than they are of the law.

Cooking:

   Who does the most cooking? - Kon! He eventually learned how to cook from Ma. Tim is perfectly capable of following a recipe, he just tends to get distracted during the cooking part because there are at least 10 things he could get done while waiting for that food to brown so Kon had to ban him from cooking after the third time he had to put out the stove with his freezing breath.    Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Tim. He developed some control issues around his diet after everything but he finally relaxes after a while.    Who does the grocery shopping? - Kon if he has to, but really thank god for grocery delivery.    How often do they bake desserts? - Kon probably makes a pie weekly.    Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Tim was on a salad and precisely measured nutrients kick for a while, but they both end up eating a relaxed balanced diet.    Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Cooked? Kon. Actually gets them reservations just for fun? Tim.    Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Neither, really. Once they move in together they would rather spend time together at home (with takeout). They do try to schedule date nights sometimes.    Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Literally Tim.

Chores:

   Who cleans the room? - They have to make a chore list. They both have a pretty high tolerance for clutter but Kon breaks first because when Tim is headfirst in a case he doesn’t care if he lives in a cave made of Red Bull cans.    Who is really against chores? - Tim thinks it makes a lot more sense for Kon to clean everything because Kon can do it faster.    Who cleans up after the pets? - If Kon wants a pet, Kon has to clean up after it, Tim says like he doesn't also want the pet.    Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Tim    Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Tim only becomes aware of mess when other people are coming over and then he freaks out cleaning.    Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Kon, but it belongs to sugar daddy Tim.

Misc:

   Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Tim, but sometimes it's because he's fallen asleep in there.    Who takes the dog out for a walk? - If it's Krypto, Kon is the only one who /can/ take him for a real walk. When they get a regular dog they take turns and often both go.    How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Kon hangs some stuff up for Christmas and Halloween. When they have children decorating and actually celebrating holidays becomes more of a thing.    What are their goals for the relationship? - Kon does not think in those terms, Tim just has to commit to not fucking it up.    Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Tim    Who plays the most pranks? - Kon because he realizes he can distract Tim from work with them and then distract him from being annoyed with sex.

*I was going to make a note about clones but now it’s going to be a separate post.

[mysterious-prophetess]

Why Sonic the Hedgehog and Detective Pikachu worked and why Warcraft didn’t

I bought Sonic on digital because I did actually enjoy the film. It was the second to last film I saw in theaters. The last being the well meaning but clumsily executed Onward. It got me to thinking as to why this film based on a game series worked and why others didn’t. Video game adaptations have a reputation for being terrible or just plain cheesy at best. See the infamous 90′s Super Mario Brothers film for the really bad end of things versus the 1997 Mortal Kombat. For the most part they deserve their reputation as other films based on games tended to fall on the cheesy but fun end of things, where the Mortal Kombat films ended up, and the really bad end where that abomination of Satan Mario film ended up. 

With the last two years of movies we’ve gotten two live action/digital hybrid video game based films that were actually considered good all across the board. Detective Pikachu and Sonic the Hedgehog. We already know about the near miss Sonic had but I have to admit even with nightmare fuel design, the characters were enjoyable even if the plot was basic due to the target demographic being kids. We nostalgic adults were a secondary aspect. So why did these two films aimed at children work but the more “serious” fantasy style film for Warcraft fall flat on its face is what I want to get at with this post. 

It’s not a lack of human characters on screen as Warcraft did have those (and I even grew attached to the mage apprentice guy since I play mages in WoW when I play WoW). Nor was it a lack of familiarity with their world. Sonic the Hedgehog might have had that going for it but Detective Pikachu didn’t and it still worked. It’s not even having less to world build with as, once again, Detective Pikachu takes place in the Pokemon world which has (over the years) built up its own lore and legends with each new region. I believe it comes down to the execution, characterizations, and choices in what story to tell.

I’ll start with the characterizations. With the Warcraft movie, I liked the main orc guy--Durotan--far more than any of the human characters with the exception of the mage apprentice. Notice how I actually remembered his name versus I cannot recall any of the humans? The main human they had us following? I was bored by him. The almost human looking half-orc woman was also boring to me as was any and all of the supporting cast.

In contrast, with Sonic the Hedgehog we had human characters like Tom, his wife Maddie, and the Deputy as well as the Crazy man who was the only who knew Sonic was real at first. With Detective Pikachu, Tim and the titular Pikachu play well off one another and Lucy also was a fun character and all them had personalities that were distinct and memorable. Whereas the main human man-Lothar maybe?-had the gruff father thing going on but I can’t remember much else about him. I can’t remember his goals, his reason for being in the plot other than “really good at being a knight.” Whereas Durotan? I know he was there because his world was dying and he was trying to find a path for a better life and whenever he thought his people were going astray, he tried to do something about it, even if it ended up costing him his life. One half of the story was not nearly as engaging as the other. 

I’m not going to pretend the characters or dialogue in either Detective Pikachu or Sonic the Hedgehog were perfect, however they were memorable and distinct. 

On the next topic, the story they chose to tell. In the case of Sonic the Hedgehog, the story they chose was one of finding where one belongs, family and something to stand up for. A tried and true plot--even a formulaic one at that. Yet, it worked. Detective Pikachu, on the other hand, lucked out in being adapted from a story driven adventure game in the first place. Yet, the mystery at the core of its plot was easily adapted for a different medium and centered on grief as well as finding oneself/one’s place in the world. Then there was Warcraft and their very ambitious choice to adapt the backstory that was used to set up the original rts games. I can guess that, with how successful Lord of the Rings had been--as well as The Hobbit films and Game of Thrones, they figured that making a film like it would be a good idea. The problem is, this backstory was far too much for a movie to get through satisfactorily. Hence why the sides were uneven in their abilities to be engaging. This film was a franchise baiting one, hoping to spawn sequels and because of that it was so top heavy that it failed in being interesting enough for the stories that would follow. 

e.g. how Thrall rose to prominence amongst the Orc Horde. 

Both of these categories lead into the final of the three. Execution. In execution, Sonic the Hedgehog and Detective Pikachu were able to keep their stories and worlds more streamlined partly because their target demographic being children likely necessitated this and partly because by keeping their stories simpler they also had to keep their worlds and world building simple to match. Thus thanks to characters who were memorable and simpler stories, they were able to nail their execution to make wildly entertaining films that all ages can watch. Warcraft in its ambition was unable execute all the things it had to accomplish to make a movie that would work as an adaptation of a game and as a film in its own right. In going so big, the execution ended up haphazard. Thus we were given human characters who really not all that well fleshed out, a rushed plot that felt incomplete while also overly complicated. It also didn’t take into account the biggest part of the Warcraft series was the fact that World of Warcraft is an MMORPG. Which means all but the hardest or hardcore fans would have had more attachment to their own experiences playing WoW than the backstories to the various races or of either faction. e.g. I never paid too much attention to stories whenever I would play on either side as a human, night elf, blood elf, drainai, death knight, etc. Didn’t matter to me. Not really. My own experiences dominated my play time in dealing with the quests (fucking morlocks), game system, and other players. Therefore, Warcraft had to overcome the fact that games are ultimately shaped by player experiences--a concept called half-real by Jesper Juul a major figure in video game studies. Not that the Sonic the Hedgehog movie or Detective Pikachu film didn’t have to also overcome this issue when it comes to video game adaptations, their choices in what stories they chose to tell helped mitigate this issue. They managed to alter things enough for adaptation purposes as well as making it accessible for all audiences and that’s where Warcraft fell flat.

They were trying by going with the origin story of the Horde vs Alliance Faction War to set up the world but, it was still very much inaccessible because of the other things they prioritized in this adaptation. Lord of the Rings touches on the first conflict with Sauron, but it doesn’t prioritize it. Imagine if Peter Jackson had attempted to adapt The Silmarillion before he would then do The Hobbit and then and only then have gone on to do The Lord of the Rings. I can tell you that we’d have never made it past The Silmarillion because it’s that dense and full of back story. The Hobbit (which should have been two films at best) would have been ok to start with but comparatively speaking The Silmarillion is more on par to what this story Warcraft was trying to tell. 

Basically, what I’m getting at is Warcraft could have worked as a film franchise, but this particular story was not the one to tell first. This is because it was too dense, too complex, and not accessible. Origin stories can work, see Sonic the Hedgehog, but it’s something that cannot be bogged down by trying to do everything. In trying to make a world for future films, they failed to make a film that felt like it had much more than its world. You can even have non-Earth worlds, see the way Detective Pikachu handled the Pokemon World. Therefore, it failed in characterizations for half their cast, in choosing and accessible story, and thus lead to a bad execution over all.

By following K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid), Sonic the Hedgehog and Detective Pikachu, were able to pull off their executions as both entertaining films and accessible films and work as adaptations; Warcraft in not doing that, in attempting to be like The Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones (despite having only one film vs a trilogy or a series) failed. 

[littledreamybeth]

Lost Angel

A/N: Hey guys this an editted reupload from a work that I had shared over two years ago! I’m gonna rewrite some stories from time to time :)

Warnings: act of violence, mentions of blood & death 

-edited-

I slam the door behind me as I enter my bedroom, leaning my back against it. My entire body feels numb and I have no power over myself anymore. My eyes are red and swollen from the uncontrolling tears that I’ve shared not a very long tim ago, and all I do feel is pain. An unimaginable pain that kills me from the inside. An unimaginable pain that stabs my heart like thousand knives. An unimaginable pain that tears me apart. My legs can no longer hold me steady, resulting in me sliding down the door, wrapping my arms around my knees and starting to sob again. How can my day end like this?

My happiest night has turned out to be my worst nightmare. I still cannot process everything that has happened in the last couple of hours. Everything has gone so fast and I couldn’t prevent it from happening. I treid fighting , but I wasn’t strong enough. My struggles were not enough to protect him and to keep him safe. I have failed him.

Why? Is all I can think about. Why did it happen? Why did I lose him? Why? Why? Why?

My throat begins to ache as I scream out this question over and over again, until I cannot handle it anymore, and my vocal cords begin to ache. I weigh my body back and forth in order to calm down, but I can’t. The pain-  the pain in my chest is too unbearable. I feel like I’m dying. I feel like someone knocked the air out of my lungs. I feel as if someone ripped my heart out of my chest, stomping on it in front of my eyes.

I want him back- I only want him back. His kiss, that he has given me for the last time, still lingers on my lips. The feeling of his arms wrapping around my waist is still present. His beautiful scent- I can smell it as if he’s right next to me. But he isn’t- not anymore. I will never see him again.

I will never have the chance to kiss him one more time. I will never be able to hold him or to talk to him again. All these chances are now taken away from me. No more hugs, no more late night calls, no more “I love you’s” escaping from his beautiful lips.

If I had known what the night would turn into, I would have never agreed to go to this fucking party.

The darkness of my room is a perfect contrast to what I feel now. Emptiness. My other half is gone, leaving me alone in void and with a broken heart.

Still sobbing and choking, I tug at my hair. I try to erase the memory from this night, but I fail. That moment- that horrible moment is burnt deep in the back of my head. I blame myself even though I know that it’s clearly not my fault.. I take the whole responsibility for that terrible event of the night even though I shouldn’t, because I had no control over it.  When I open my eyes, I can see his lifeless and motionsless body in front of me once more. This picture is so vivid.

“No!” I shake my head heavily in denial. “No! No!” I want these images to leave my mind and never return. I never want to be reminded of this night. Never!

“Marcel…” I whimper out, my heart feeling thousand times heavier. “Please come back to me… please baby…”

-Few hours ago-

“Look at the stars. They’re shining very bright tonight, don’t you think?” Marcel pointed to the sky. We were strolling over the huge football field of our school, enjoying each other’s presence. His warm hand was intertwined with mine as we walked around. Marcel’s always been a fan of the stars and  the galaxy in general.

I looked up, staring at the tiny dots that decorated the dark sky, illuminating the large black layer with their light. The wind blew lightly at our faces, and the atmosphere fitted perfectly to the moment that I was able to spend with Marcel.

“They’re beautiful,” I commented.

“Just like you, sweetheart,” he answered, kissing my temple. Why did I see this coming?

“Aww, stop Marcel.” I pushed him gently away, my cheeks turning red from his compliment.

“I’m just telling the truth, darling!” He laughed and pushed me back against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck, nestling my face into the crook of his neck. If you  had asked me;  we could have stayed here, in the middle of the huge football field, all night long, just like this- being in each other’s arms. Having Marcel in my life made a lot of things easier for me.

I felt his strong heart beat  drumming against my ear. A wonderful sound that always calmed me down when I had to deal with anxiety or stress. My fingers wandered up his neck, playing with the tiny curls that he couldn’t treat with hair gel. I didn’t really comprehend why he prefered to use that shit, his natural curls looked much more better on him than his slick hair combed to the side.

A pleased hum came out from his mouth. “Do you want to go back to the party?” He asked.

I shook my head no. I’d rather spend more time with my boyfriend here, where no single soul could disturb us. Also, I  really had no desire to see all those people who had fun making Marcel’s life a living hell. We had been there already, but when some of those arrogant people spotted us and started to insult Marcel, I couldn’t hold on anymore and asked my boyfriend to leave. I knew he didin’t mind these words being thrown at him, but to me they were like a spear through my heart.

A few of those people were supposed to be my best friends, and I felt disgusted that I used to hang out with them in the past. I had belonged to the famous cirlce of popular students at our school, but traded that label against going out with Marcel. One they had found out about it, they immediately had excluded me from their group. I didn’t mind if I’m honest. I didn’t care for fame. I didn’t care if the other’s described me as the nerd’s girlfriend. I was totally satisfied with that name, and I couldn’t complain about it. I loved Marcel and stood up for him, and that was the most important thing.

“Come on, let’s take a seat,” Marcel suggested, leading us to the benches. As we sat down, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, keeping me warm at the same time. I’ve already gone out with many boys, but no one ever made me feel like Marcel did. Special.

He treated me like a gentleman- with care, respect and love. Not even my ex Jason, who also had a reputation at our school, could manage to give me affection. We had dated, yeah, but I think as for him, it was more about being the hottest couple at the entire school. He never gave me the feeling that he was really interested in me. I suppose, I had worked more for our relationship than he did.

“I can’t wait to graduate,” I sighed, leaning on his shoulder. In a few months, we would finish school. I couldn’t wait any longer for it. Marcel and I decided to move in together and to study at the same university. I was so eager to leave everything of this life behind and to start a new chapter. I was looking forward for our common future. One day, I would marry Marcel, and we would have lots of children playing in the backyard of our huge house. Just the plain thought of it let my heart doing flips. A smile crept its way on my lips, and Marcel noticed.

“What are you thinking about?” he inquired, giving me a tender kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his sweet gesture.

“I’m just imagining our future life. You and me as a married couple with little children. I’m really looking forward to that moment.”

“Oh, my pretty angel,” Marcel spoke lovingly, “I can’t wait for it, too. If you ask me, I would want us to marry and have babies now, but we’re too young. We have to concentrate on our career and education first. And when the time has arrived and we both feel ready for it, I will go down on my knees and ask you to marry me. It’ll be special, I promise.”

“Marcel…” I whispered, tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. Sometimes, he made me so emotional that I couldn’t help but tear up to the promises he would make me.

“Don’t cry my, love,” he responded, wiping away the single tear that had escaped my eye.

“I love you so much, Marcel,” I mumbled, bending forward to capture his lips with mine.

“I love you too, my angel,” he murmured before our lips met to a passionate kiss.

Thousand butterflies erupted in my stomach, and I felt tingles running through my entire body- every single part of me felt alive. Words couldn’t describe how much love I felt for this young man in my arms. How much I admired and adored him! He was my everything. The air for my lungs. The reason why I woke up every day and endured my not so spectacular life. The reason for my smile. I would never be able to love somebody else as much as I loved Marcel. As long as we were together, everything else didn’t matter for me.

As we pulled back, a genuine smile decorated our soft lips.

“Do you want to go home?” he asked and I nodded. It had become very late already, and I felt a huge load of exhaustion weighing on my shoulders. I only wanted to go back home with Marcel, who would be sleeping at my place, and cuddle against him. We stood up, his body pressed to my side as we walked along the entire field to the gate.

And that’s the moment where the nightmare began. Fate took its course.

We noticed someone shouting in the middle of the night, probably some drunk ass students from school. Like mentioned before, there was a party taking place, and everyone was invited. As we saw them coming towards us, my nails dug into Marcel’s arm, an uneasy feeling was overwhelming me.

And as I realized that it was Jason and two of his pals, I felt more insecure. Normally, I wasn’t afraid of Jason, but when he was drunk, he completely changed and became unrecognizable.

“Look who we have here!” Jason slurred, he seemed to be completely drunk. “(Y/N) and Marcel! What a lovely surprise! Haven’t expected you guys to be here! What were you doing?”

His two friends laughed, and I rolled my eyes, clearly not having desire for his stupid behavior.

“Hey Jason,” Marcel said confidently, standing in front of me like a shield and trying to protect me from my ex-boyfriend. “We were about to go.” Just as we tried to pass the three wasted boys, Jason pushed us back.

“But we just came!” he whined. “Why don’t you guys stay here and have a little bit fun with us, huh?” His eyes wandered down my body while he was licking his bottom lip. I felt disgusted and uneasy under his gaze. Marcel held me closer to his side.

“No thank you,” he spat.”We are going now.” I admired Marcel’s braveness. I was ashamed that I couldn’t form a single word.

Jason’s eyes turned into a darker shade, and it scared me. He still couldn’t bear the fact that I had dumped him for Marcel. His stupid, big ego didn’t understand, and he had refused move on from our breakup. Even though he knew I had another boyfriend, he still chased after me. I knew he wanted a pay back. He wanted his revenge. And now, with his veins filled with alcohol, he made a dangerous appearance.

I felt a firm grip on my wrist that pulled me away from Marcel. “You can go, nerd. We will have fun without you, right (Y/N)?” Jason growled.

“Let me go, Jason!” I ordered, trying to get rid of his grab. But he refused to take his hand off of me.

“Leave my girlfriend alone!” Marcel interfered, pushing Jason hardly away from me. Jason stumbled back, almost falling to the ground, but managed to keep his balance.

“Look at that!” Jason laughed. “The nerd finally showing his balls! Very cute.”

“Stop it, Jason!” I shouted. I wanted to prevent a fight between them and just go home as soon as possible.

“What?” Jason laughed. It was obvious that he found it amusing.”C’mon (Y/N), you know I’m better than he is and he’ll ever be. Come with me and I will make you feel good.”

“It’s not the way you treat a woman, you asshole!” Marcel screeched, anger was boiling in his veins I could tell. “She’s not a fucking object!”

“What did you just say?” Jason shouted, triggered by the word.

“Asshole. You’re an asshole. That’s what I’ve said. You’re sick, Jason. You have no respect for woman or for anyone else. You just care about yourself! And you shall be man? I feel sorry for you!”

And that was a moment for Jason in which exploded. No one was ever allowed to insult or underestimate his masculinity. “You’re going to pay for this, you fucking loser!”

Jason took us all off guard when he punched Marcel on his nose very hard, making him fall to the ground. I could practically hear it crack. A thick layer of blood trickled down his nostrils.

“Marcel!” I screamed, moving forward to help, but suddenly, I was held back by one of Jason’s drunk friends. He held me so tight, I couldn’t escape out of his arms. I could feel a bruise forming on that particular spot.

I had to watch how Jason and his other friend began to beat my boyfriend. They wouldn’t stop kicking him. “Stop!” I cried. “Please stop!” I couldn’t bear to see him getting hurt. Tears wouldn’t stop streaming down my cheeks, and no matter how much I struggled to get to my boyfriend, it didn’t worked. So I screamed.

“Help!” I hoped that someone would hear my desperate cries and come to the rescue. But no avail.

One of them hit Marcel on his chest, whereas a suffocated sound passed his lips. That sound agonizingly pierced through my ears. I watched as his upper body lifted and fell slowly. His limbs began to become weaker and weaker. He struggled to breathe. His terrified eyes met mine, begging me to save him, however, my hands were tied by this god damned fucker. I stepped on his foot, and with a scream he shortly released me, only to catch me again. He slapped me hard.

“Y/N!” Marcel croaked. He raised one arm as if he was trying to reach out to me. “My..my…” was all that he waerily whimpered. I struggled to decipher his message as suddenly it began to hit me. Marcel had a fucking heart issue! How could I forget?! How often had I went to the hospital with him, where doctors had ordered many times that Marcel should take it easy on himself and spare himself from trouble.  

He would die if they didn’t stop instantly. “Jason! Please stop! Stop! You’re going to kill him! Please stop!” I pleaded, but they ignored me totally.

“That happens when you mess with me!” Jason growled, keeping hitting on my boyfriend. Marcel tried to weakly fend off the kicks. His moans and groans burnt themselves into my mind.

Jason hit his chest again, so hard that Marcel screamed in pain this time. “Jason! Stop! Please, I’ll do what you want, please!” I would do anything he wanted me to. He just should get away from Marcel.

As the two guys kicked him for the very last time, Jason’s final blow hit Marcel’s chest right were his heart was placed, my boyfriend’s eyes meeting mine as if he wanted to appologize, his lips breathing “I love you”. Then he closed his emerald green eyes and stopped moving, laying motionless on the ground. I screeched so loud that the whole world  probably had heard me.

Jason looked at me, clear confusion written across his face.

And as he and his friends realized that Marcel wasn’t moving anymore, panic arose in them and  they cowardly fled.

“Fuck, let’s get out of here!”

The boy, who had hold me back the entire time, pushed me to the ground and ran away. I landed hard on my knees, tears streaming uncontrollably down my cheeks as I crawled my way to Marcel on all fours.

“No… No.. no no no.” I sobbed when I reached him. His beautiful face was covered in blood and bruises. His glasses  and his nose were broken. He looked terrible. “Marcel…” I whimpered, shaking his body, but he didn’t respond. I tried once more. Again, there was no reaction.I prayed from the bottom of my heart that he was only unconcious and not what I thought he would be.

My trembly fingers went to  check his pulse. My heart dropped and a cold shiver ran down my entire body. I couldn’t find it. There was no pulse anymore. I was paralyzed for a moment. This couldn’t be true. So, I checked it again but I didn’t feel it. “No…” I shook my head in denial. He couldn’t be gone. He couldn’t be dead. This was just a fucking nightmare. If I closed and opened my eyes again, Marcel would be standing in front of me, all alive and smiling. He would embrace me and tell me that he was fine and that I had no need to worry about him. However, as I did, nothing that I hoped happened. Marcel’s corpse still laid in front of me.

“No, Marcel! Don’t do this to me, please!” My hands went down to his chest to give him a heart massage. That’s what I did. Pushing on his chest and checking up his pulse. I never received a response. No matter how much I tried. “Don’t do this to me, Marcel. Don’t die on me! Don’t die on me! Come on! Please!”

I was a crying mess, not wanting to believe that I’ve lost the love of my life. I had watched him die, taking his last breath in the worst way ever. “Marcel, baby, don’t do this to me! Don’t die on me baby, please!” I kissed his forehead. His cheeks. His lips. Hoping he would open his mesmerizing green eyes again. “You promised Marcel, we were going to marry! You wanted to propose to me one day, asking me to be your wife. You can’t let this go! Don’t leave me alone, my love, I’m begging you!” I buried my face in the crook of his neck, my eyes wetting his soft  and smooth skin. “Marcel… What am I going to do without you?! Baby, you can’t die, you can’t leave me alone! Wake up please!” I repeated over and over again. “Please, Marcel!”

As much as it hurt, I knew he would never come back to me again. My baby, my Marcel had become an angel now.

-Present-

“I love you… I love you so much, baby,” I sob, staining my pillow with my tears. It hurts. It hurts so fucking damn much. Even lying in my bed hurts. Macel and I have made so many memories in here and now, I feel trapped in my own bedroom, sulking in the remains of the past. If I only had the chance to rewind time, then I would’ve never left my house. I would’ve asked him to come over, so we could have a date night at my place. I could slap myself. Why did I suggest to go to that stupid party? Why?

“Look at what you’ve done!” I shout at myself. “He’s dead. He’s dead because of you stupid bitch!”

I scream loud. What will I do now? Everything is going to become different.

Without Marcel, my life will make no sense anymore. Without him, living will not  worth anything. Without him, I will never feel love again.

[aleapoffaithfiction]

IV.

I hope that you're the one. If not, you are the prototype - Andre 3000

“What do you think about this lipstick? I’m about to take it off and just stick with a lip gloss. I can never seem to get red lipstick to work on me. Meanwhile, every single shade that exists works on you.” In the midst of listening to Taylor’s commentary about a Dose of Colors lipstick that is absolutely perfect on her, I continued to nod my head along to “Too Deep for The Intro” from J. Cole’s “Friday Night Lights” mixtape. Despite it being released damn near seven years ago, it still feels and sounds better than anything that’s out right about now so it shall always remain in rotation alongside some of my all-time favorite Hip-Hop musical masterpieces. It also sounds damn good as we continue this journey down I-95 S to Pennsylvania. It’s been quite some time since I’ve actually driven a distance longer than twenty minutes and I can admit that I’m actually enjoying this. Traffic is clear, the sun is shining brighter than ever, and the weather hasn’t quite reached the brutally chilly temperatures that are on the way. I’m enjoying the wind smacking me in the face and blowing my hair all over the place. It’s damn near ninety degrees, why wouldn’t I?

“That red lipstick looks fucking good on you. You’re overthinking it. Also, my black ass cannot wear every shade ever. I just figure out ways to make them work on me and usually, lip liner is the trick. I think I have really deep berry liner in that bag. Try it and see if it works for you. If not, take it off and do the gloss.” To avoid having to stop and use the bathroom, I skipped out on grabbing a bite to eat from Wendy’s like Taylor did and now I regret it because my stomach is growling like hell. Given that the car is new, I don’t have any snacks in here but I’ll be damned if I don’t stop and grab some from a Quick Check on the way back.

“You’re talking about this one here?” I quickly glanced over and nodded my head to confirm.

“How was your time with Jesse when he came to Atlanta?”

“Pleasant. I can admit that he enjoyed it. He’s the first guy that I’ve ever had sleep in my apartment there and it was a different vibe but it felt nice. While it’s no sign that I’m ready to cohabitate with anyone just yet, I did like it for that time being.”

“So, you enjoyed finally sexing in your bed? That’s what you’re saying?” Her laughter filled our space as I called her out on such a discrete way of saying things. We both knew that’s exactly what she was alluding to.

“Well, I won’t deny that. It was damn good to be able to go at it multiple times between the night and the next morning, and then get up for a cup of coffee in my own kitchen. Hotel sex is only exciting the first couple of times. After that, it’s one big ass whatever. Do you know what it’s like to fuck in your own bed and then turn on your TV to watch one of your favorite shows while naked as the day you were born next to your fine as man? Heaven.”

“Oh, so you’re finally calling him your man now?” She refuses to label what they have as anything more than their “thing”. I understand the hesitance given the tough space he’s in when it comes to his children and divorce, but overall, he seems to have really taken a liking to her that comes with everything that a relationship is.

“I suppose so. We spoke about it and figured ah, what the hell, why not?”

“That’s nice to hear. I like you two together. He’s a good fit for you in a sense that he’s educated, sophisticated in certain ways, and he’s super mellow. That’s all you.” I always call Taylor my goody two shoes friend with the potty mouth, despite her quickly saying that it’s a label that I should be giving myself. If Jesse isn’t her perfect match, then I don’t know who is. If they don’t work out, she’ll still end up with some super educated business man or book writer of some sort. I feel like she likes them eclectic.

“And what exactly is your type? I’ve been trying to figure the shit out for the longest and it’s like I’m looking for lost treasure on some deserted island. Every single time I try and hook you up with someone, you avoid it like a plague. You’re not a lesbian. It was easy to rule that out because you didn’t want me.” I had to laugh with her, because I know she said that nonsense on purpose. She’s never been arrogant and easily becomes irritable whenever she encounters a person who is. We’ve had a ton of conversations about interviews that we’ve wanted to cut short due to some athlete thinking that he’s above being proper and approachable when speaking with us. If anything, we get it far worse than male reporters do.

“I don’t know what my type is. I feel like we all craft this dreamy guy in our heads with everything that we assume is our type, but ultimately, it’s unrealistic. There’s fantasy and reality, and in reality, there’s a lot that we’re willing to compromise about when it comes to finding love.”

“So why do you avoid hook ups? You won’t know until you get out there and try it out.”

“My sister ruined that for me. She’s the one who hooked me up with my ex and I’ve already opened up to you about how that turned out.” A moment of silence fell between us as she reflected on my past words about Shamel, while I did my best to avoid thinking about the man. It’s not very often that I do think of him because he’s an ink stain in my past that I’m working damn hard to erase.

“Well, that was then and this is now. It’s been four years since him and you’ve yet to really allow yourself to get out there. I’m pretty damn good with the vetting process, so you know I’m not bring anyone your way who I don’t believe is worthy, so what’s up? What you think of Michael B. Jordan? I know his best friend Sterling. I can hook something up. You know Black Panther is about to come out in a couple of months. He’s on fire right now.”

“Just because you have an actor in your bed doesn’t mean that I want one in mine. He’s probably running through every becky in Hollywood.”

“Oh my gosh. Shut up. You don’t know that.”

“You don’t either but it’s likely that he is. I’m not sure if I could ever get involved with a known guy. I’m sure there’s a brutal headache that comes with that. I certainly salute the wives of the players because I’ve heard more than enough stories for me to wonder why some of those women have yet to snap. The perks of being financially taken care of wouldn’t be anywhere near enough for me not to lose it. The disrespect is real.”

The manner in which those men cheat is unbelievable. I’ve heard about scenarios where the wife is in the arena sitting in the WAGs section and the mistress is only a couple of rows up amongst the spectators. Many of them have apartments in different cities that their spouses either do or do not know about. The manner in which these women flock to their hotels is shameful. And All-Star Weekend? Or even the Pro Bowl Weekend? Forget it. These are events literally created for the sake of the players being able to relax and have some fun while having their families be in the midst of it and yet they still have women all over whichever city is hosting it, fucking and sucking on them. I consider myself to be a pretty composed woman, but I don’t know how long I’d be able to keep it together if I were dealing with that. I’d probably end up on an episode of Snapped.

“Well, I can’t argue with you there, but not all of them are like that. I doubt Grant Hill has ever cheated on Tamia. What about Tim Duncan? That man isn’t cheating. Look at Ray Allen. Does he look like a cheater to you?”

“Uh, can you at least talk to me about players who are under thirty-five?”

“I doubt Steph is cheating on Ayesha.”

“The most vanilla couple in the league. Next?”

“You think Isaiah Thomas cheats?”

“Yo, T, shut up. You don’t even know what to say right now. You’re avoiding the big names because you know the deal.” I’d already been giggling, but it worsened as she side eyed me.

“All of them aren’t cheaters. What about the NFL? Look at Russell Wilson.”  

“NBA, NFL, MBL, ATP, WBA, EFL, and everything else. They’re all loosely slinging dick. Spare me.”

“And you think business men aren’t? What about the gym teachers? You think they don’t fuck around too? Doctors, lawyers, judges, scientists, you name it. There are shitty men everywhere and within every professional sector. Shit, the Starbucks barista is probably slipping in numbers while handing over caramel lattes and slinging dick too.”

“You’re right. And that’s exactly why I’m single.”

“Not everyone is the same.”

“I know that.”

“So then give yourself a chance to at least meet someone. What’s the big deal? Live a little.”

“Why are you always assuming that I’m not allowing myself to meet anyone? Have you ever thought about how I’ve yet to encounter a man who has peaked my interests? That’s truly what it is.”

“Seriously? That’s what it is?” 
“Yes.”

“I suppose I can believe that. You’re such a home body, so it’s not like you’re going to meet anyone there. You work around a bunch of old men up there at ESPN, so he won’t be there either.”

“There are some young guys behind the scenes but I’m not into the dating a co-worker thing. It just sounds like a nightmare filled with endless awkwardness.”

“That just means that I have to get you out more. That’s all.”

“You can try.”

And I’m sure she will. I most likely won’t mind it either. For as long as the environment isn’t one that’ll make me uncomfortable, I’m alright with being out on the scene. What I won’t be is “mixxy”. I’ve never been the one to feel compelled to fit into a bunch of circles in order to feel worthy of sitting at the cool table. I will always sit at my own table, whether I’m by myself or not.

“Thank you so much.” As I slipped Taylor her pass, I handed over my keys. Who the hell knew that this stadium has valet parking? Either way, I’m beyond appreciative because I can only imagine the chaos it is to find a parking space within anyone of the parking lots.

“I have two questions.”

“What?” As I slipped the lanyard around my neck, my eyes panned in her direction. Her eyebrows were already raised.

“One, what kind of Benz is that? It’s sexy.”

“It’s a 2018 E-Class Coupe.” I’d gotten it in Diamond White Metallic and didn’t even have to pay the extra fifteen hundred dollars for it. The exterior came with the night package including gloss accents and AMG body styling. The interior? Macchiato beige seats with red accents. I was able to have the heated and cooling ventilated seats, arm rests, and steering wheel that I wanted for the winter and summer time, and as far as everything else? Well it’s nice. I tuned him out because I’m not obsessed with cars enough to care about every single specific detail that doesn’t involve my safety. After going over the specifics, he was able to locate the exact make and design I wanted on Route 22 West in Union, New Jersey. As Beckham promised me, Phil Campbell certainly came through, not only with the car, but also with a damn good deal for it too.

“And who the hell are you fucking on the Eagles? I thought we were coming here with your ESPN credentials.”

“Don’t be silly. I’m not fucking anyone within the sports world and you know this. Also, the Eagles? Please.”  

“Wait. O invited you to a game during that interview, right? Is this the game?” I figured she should have known. I had the jersey he gave me laying across the backseat in the car and it’s in my hand right now. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going to sporting events, especially when it’s not work related, but I most likely wouldn’t have made the trip out here knowing that I have to work in the morning, if it weren’t for his invitation of thanks.  

“Can you come on?” We would have remained standing there had I not taken off before her.

“No, I want the details of how this all happened. O’s going to be so happy that you’re here. The man is obsessed with you.”

“Why do over exaggerate everything? Is that a Gemini trait or something?”

“But I’m not over exaggerating anything. He really does adore you. He asks about you whenever I see him.”

“You’ve told me that and as I said to you before, I’m flattered that he enjoys my work.”

“Look at you thinking it’s that simple. How cute.”

“Can you cut the shit and come on? Did you have anything to drink before we left the house?”

“No, no drinks yet but I’m going to have a mojito or something while I’m here. That’s for certain.”

I’ve never experienced the perks that comes with being a VIP or an athlete’s special guest but now I understand why everyone enjoys it. It opens the doors to just about every single access point within the stadium, except the locker rooms and with my ESPN credentials, I could easily get into both locker rooms after the game if was here for that purpose. In the midst of making our way upstairs, we were given an escort who explained everything that we’re welcome to, places that we’re entitled to be, and the free merchandise that comes with the passes. I’d almost forgotten about the food and drinks Beckham mentioned as I walked past all of the concession stands. I can never pass up a good ol’ chicken tender and fries’ basket while sitting at a game.

“And here is where you’ll be. I’ll be around to accommodate anything you may need Ms. Nazaire.”

“Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.”

“No problem.”

He opened the door to allow us to step inside what I’m sure is far more than necessary in terms of accommodations and I was certainly right as my eyes swiftly glanced over the posh interior and paused on the single person already enjoying all of it; Ms. Heather Van Norman. In no way, shape, or form did he mentioned that his mother would be around and though I don’t mind whatsoever, it does not negate my nervousness.

If he didn’t tell me, I for sure hope that he informed her because I’d hate to be the person to oddly intrude on her time and privacy as she watches her son play. Oh God. What if she thinks I used the man for all of this? It’s one thing for him to give me a thank you that I don’t even believe I deserve and it’s another for the thanks to come with perks that I’m sure no other analyst can say they’ve been given. Sure, there are some kind hearted athletes who will slip you an invitation to an event of theirs or embrace you with a hug and good conversation upon seeing you out of respect and appreciation but this? Nah, I don’t think so. This is about on the same caliber of myself being invited to the man’s house. I should have declined like I originally intended to.

“Heather! Oh my gosh. I didn’t know you’d be here.” Taylor stepped around my suddenly reluctant frame and immediately went into the beautiful woman’s awaiting arms.

“I’ve been in town for two weeks now. I head back tomorrow, but I figured I’d come out here and watch my boy play before I do. It’s so good to see you Taylor. I didn’t know you were coming with Sarai.”

“I’m crashing at her house while in town for some work with the Bleacher Report. So, she dragged me out. I’m glad she did though.”

“You knew I was coming?” I’d finally spoken up. I had to ask.

“Of course. Odell told me. How are you Sarai?” Once again, she opened her arms and she awaited my presence. How could I turn her down? The embrace was not only warm and welcoming, but it felt very maternal. It’s been quite some time since I embraced my own mother, so I appreciated it along with the kiss she planted on my cheek. I’ve always heard about how pleasant she is and she has lived up to that since our first meeting in Bristol.

“I’m well. Thank you for having me.”

“Oh no, thank you for coming. O will be thrilled. He was very adamant about me making sure you’re well taken care of while here, so I intend to do that so that you can give him a good report when you leave.” Both she and Taylor chuckled and yet Taylors came with widened eyes and eventually a smirk that I wish I never saw. With Heather standing alongside her, I was the only one who could see her teasing facial expressions and if I weren’t respectful enough to watch my mouth in front of Beckham’s mother, I’d tell her about herself.

“Are more people coming?”

“His friends are here, but they’re out there in the midst of the madness. That’s where they like to be. I was down there for a bit while he was running a couple of drills but I came back up here.”

“So, it’s just us in here?” He could have gotten us regular ol’ seats. Seriously Beckham?

“Yes. Just us. There will be food and drinks. They also have lounges where you can go and have drinks and hang out if you’re interested. You don’t have to be in here with this old gal if you don’t want.”

“Old gal? Don’t be silly! You look incredible.” I nodded in agreement with Taylor. I hope to look just as incredible as she does when I’m somewhere around her age.

“You do. I’d rather stick around so that I can get tips on how to remain so great looking.”

“My tip is to remain as stress free as possible and to keep doing whatever the both of you are doing, because you’re both absolutely stunning women. I always say that the both of you are a breath of fresh air amongst the men within your field. I also give a ton of credit to Jemele Hill, Pam Oliver, Lisa Salters, Cari Champion, Josina Anderson, Erin Andrews, Sage Steele, and Kim Jones. She’s such a good one when it comes to O. I’m sorry if I’m a bit biased to the reporters who actually take the time out to understand him.”

“No, no. I get it. And you’ve named so many women that I look up to.” I’ve gotten the opportunity to meet every single woman she listed and I chose to just sit and soak up all of the advice and gems they were willing to offer so that I can transition into my sportscaster role in a knowledgeable space. It’s even more incredible that the majority of the women that she named are black faces. While there aren’t many of us, the ones that are around cannot be missed or mistaken.

“And now you have so many who look up to you, like my Jazzy. It’s full circle.”

“Aww, thank you. Is she here too?”

“No. She’s home. She’ll be up here soon enough and she’d love to meet you. She and Taylor are already homegirls, according to her.” 
“That is my homegirl. I love her.” I wouldn’t be able to escape this one and with the expression on Taylor’s face as she grabs a bottle of water off of the table, I better not even try.

“Of course. We’ll set something up.” Yet again, I’ve done something to further my connection to the Beckham Family. It’s all starting to feel like one long running coincidence at this point.

I threw the somewhat of a diet that I’m following right out of the window as I sat with a plate filled with the chicken tenders and fries that I wanted so badly. I’d been putting it off to the side, since I was so tapped into the game, but it could and probably will be finished before I leave out of here. Beckham didn’t lie when he spoke about the intensity of the games versus the Eagles and despite being inside of the suite, I could feel the energy of the nearly seventy thousand spectators in attendance. Though I came into this with a plan not to cheer for any team, I couldn’t help but to become a temporary Giants fan as I threw the Beckham jersey over my head and joined in with both Heather and Taylor’s frustration as the Giants went scoreless in first, second, and third quarters.

“Ugh! Come on.” I had to move the plate out of the way. We were already two minutes into the fourth quarter and nothing was on the board. That just about ruined my appetite.

“Come on Eli. Throw something good!”

“We have to score something. Come on Beckham!” All three of us were damn near pressed into the stainless glass windows and aching in anticipation. It was as if the man heard my plea, because within seconds after it, he received a ten-yard catch from Eli Manning and went zipping down the field to give the Giants their first touchdown of the game. The piercing scream that spilled out of my mouth damn near caused me to frighten myself as I jumped up and down with excitement. Now the shit talking could begin. Sure, were still down by seven and we nowhere near any Eagles fans, but still. Shit talking is always fun.

“Alright, we have to tie this. We can do it. That just gave us a bit of momentum.” My loud claps filled the room as I paced back and forth in hopes of a miracle from my chosen team for today.

“We got this. We got this.” Heather’s hands met my shoulders and she gave them an encouraging squeeze as her own excitement ripped through her body. It has to be beyond awesome to have such an explosive player as her kid, but then there’s the pressure. Gosh, I’d be the worst sports mom ever and would need a lifetime supply of aspirin.

“You’re going to be hoarse by the time we get out of here.” Taylor laughed while shaking her head at my antics. A shrug was my response.

“So what! We have to win this thing!”

In less than two minutes later, Eli threw a four-yard pass to Beckham that resulted in yet another touchdown for him. We’d officially tied the game and I just about lost my mind. I could literally feel his energy within the suite as he celebrated his touchdown in the showboating manner that he always does and yet I loved it. In the midst of watching them online, I could understand why people tossed the arrogant title on him and hated his celebration dances. Now, while here, looking at it live, it’s the best shit ever. How can you not celebrate after making the game tying touchdown? Shit, I’m dancing with him.

“Let’s go!”

Eli’s seventy-seven-yard pass to Sterling Shepard to give us a touchdown to take the lead made our suite sound like it was filled with more than just three people as we screamed in thrill. The Eagles tied the game once more and a field goal put us in the lead once again with just a little over two and a half minutes left on the clock. What we all thought would be the game to finally give the Giants a win after being down two games was short lived by two field goals that resulted in the Eagles again tying the game and then finally beating us by three.

I don’t think I’ve felt disappointment like this in quite a while. While the other two women within the room with me took the loss with good hearts and applauded the team for a solid effort and comeback within the fourth quarter, I sat in silence because I felt like we were robbed. We were supposed to win that game. How could we lose after those three touchdowns and that field goal attempt? That’s bullshit.

“It’s alright Sarai. They’ll get a win in when they play in Tampa Bay next week. They gained some momentum today. They just have to apply that same energy every single time.” It sounds good, but I would have liked to win today!

“Yeah, I know.”

“You sound like a kid who lost their little league game. You didn’t even play and you’re sulking more than they are.”

“Because, we could have gotten that one T.” And we should have.

“I know. It was looking good in the fourth. I thought we had it too, but it is what it is. They’ll get them next time. They play the Eagles again this season and we’ll come back to see them have their revenge.” I’m holding Taylor to that. We’re coming back for that game.

“I guess that’s fair.”

“I’m sad that it’s over. I really enjoyed your company ladies. I’m so glad that you came out.” I can admit that I enjoyed myself too. Usually, I’d be curled up on my couch right now, eating dinner, and mentally preparing myself for the week head and instead, I was able to let loose and go crazy over some football. I’d pick that every single time, if I could.

“Thank you for having us. I had a blast. I’m pissed we lost, but I still enjoyed it so much.” It was my turn to draw her in for a hug and I did it with no hesitation.

“And was everything to your liking? My son’s going to want a report.”

“Of course, of course.” We all laughed at how much she emphasized the reality that he absolutely will ask her about how things went today. Well, he has nothing to worry about. He fulfilled his thank you beyond what I could have ever imagined and I’m appreciative of it. He never owed me anything in the first place and after this, he’s more than repaid me. If anything, I owe him.

“I’m sure we’ll be doing this again at some point.”

“I think so too.” Taylor swiftly agreed with her before I could get a word in. Gosh, she better sleep with one eye open when she goes to bed tonight, because I’m going to whack the shit out of her with a pillow as soon as I get an opportunity to do so. She’s been on a roll tonight with the slickness and I’ve let it slide because it’s been jokes in-between she and I, more so coming from her alone, but now she’s involved someone else in it and she’s putting false hopes on the table that I have no capability of fulfilling. This is supposed to be and is going to be a one-time thing.

“Sounds good. Give me another hug before you two get out of here. Also, drive back to Jersey safe. Taylor, text me when you two get there.”

After those hugs, we ended up spending an addition fifteen minutes talking and I’d even exchanged numbers with her so that we could set up that meeting between Jazzy and myself. It would be my thank you to Beckham for the fun filled day here in Philly.

Despite our rush down to my car, the traffic to get out of the stadium wasn’t as beatable as we wished it would have been. We were bumper to bumper for over a half an hour and that continued as we hit the highway to head back to Edgewater.

Phenomenal game, Beckham. Nine receptions, seventy-nine yards, and two touchdowns. You and Shepard balled out. You won in my book. Keep that energy going. I know it feels a bit discouraging to not have gotten a win yet, but you’re only three games in. There’s plenty of time to turn things around and I know that you will. Rest up. And thank you for the invitation. I enjoyed myself.

I know it’s against the law to text and drive, but I’m barely driving. I’m not sure if it’s just general traffic or if there’s some sort of accident further ahead but if God is on my side, he’ll work with my impatience and get things moving along. This is what I didn’t miss about driving.

Thank you, Sarai. I wish I could’ve gotten a chance to see you after the game. I saw the picture you took with momma. You look better than me in that jersey.

I really hate that I blushed. I had to roll my eyes at myself more so than him. Get it the fuck together Sarai.

I doubt that. I’m sure the world will disagree with you as well.

And every single woman that lusts over him and his every move, daily. It’s no secret that he is probably the most sought-after bachelor in the NFL. He’s one of the youngest guys playing and the cherry on top is his lack of children. I’ve heard the chatter, simply because it’s quite hard not to. Even in my field, where he is technically forbidden fruit, he’s still a hot commodity off the field. I’d like to think that aspect of things is why he has so much media attention around him even when he isn’t playing. No one gives a damn about what Eli Manning and Abby McGrew Manning have going on within their home, but the hot, young, and black receiver? They’d much rather stalk him.

My boy Shep has this little bowling alley in the apartment building that he lives in. We’re all going to meet up over there for a bit. You should come through so that I can sign that jersey for you. I texted Taylor about it too.

Immediately, my eyes shifted in Taylor’s direction and her own playfully rolled in the direction of the window as she dropped her phone into her lap.

“Really, Taylor?”

“What? What’s the big deal? It’s a little kickback. O’s cool people. I think you know that at this point.”

“You do realize that you’re taking things a bit too far now?”

“How the hell am I taking things too far when the man has your number, invited you to a football game of his, and is now texting you about coming to hang out? You allowed him into your space, not me. I didn’t push him in your direction.”

“I’m starting to think that you probably told him that I’d be at the Bleacher Report party.”

“And so what if I did? He wanted to meet you, so I told him that you’d be around. I didn’t know what would come of it and I still don’t see what the big deal is now.”

“You know exactly what the big deal is.”

“No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?” Despite my tone, she annoyingly batted her eyes while whistling in anticipation for what I would say. I shouldn’t have to say it and I’m not going to, because she already knows. If anyone knows about the boundaries that we shouldn’t be crossing in any capacity, it’s her.

“You can be such an ass.”

“Or you’re arguing with me because deep down, you want to go. We can just stop by.”

“You do realize that I have to be at work first thing tomorrow morning, right?”

“I just said that we can just stop by.”

The internal battle intensified more than I expected it to as I pondered about what would come of this. It’s been quite some time since I’ve surrounded myself with a bunch of testosterones beyond ESPN and I have never in all of the years that I’ve been a sports journalist, deliberately hung out amongst athletes of any sport or circle. Though I’ve been to a ton of events where I’ve mingled among them for the sake of networking and people polite, there have never been instances of privacy or secrecy.

I’ve never been to their homes, their family events outside of charitable ones, or any other possible shindig. I’ve declined many invitations, whether they were extended to me out of flirtation or respect, and Beckham’s should be of no difference and yet here I am contemplating what could possibly be the big deal about it if I do stop by. Taylor’s advice about me needing to live my life always plays in the back of my mind whenever I’m reluctant to extend myself beyond my profession, but tonight shouldn’t be a factor within that. Nothing about him or involving him should be a fucking factor.

“Thirty minutes tops.”

“Fine.” And just like that, I’m taking the plunge. Whatever happens, happens. Actually no. Thirty minutes and all of this is all said and done.

Send me the address.

It took us an extended hour and fifteen minutes longer than the typical driving time to get us back to my place from Philly. Taylor forced me to wait in the car as she changed her footwear from sandals to Vans and minutes later, we were taking the fifteen-minute drive to Weehawken. I didn’t know Sterling lived so close to me. I remember Chanel mentioning something about him living in Hudson County when we were working on a Nike ad campaign together, but the exact city slipped my mind.

“I’m glad that ya’ll could make it out. We just bowling over some wings and non-alcoholic drinks. That game kind of did us all in, so the turn up is super tamed and lame tonight.” I suppose because we’re at his residence, it made sense for Sterling to step outside to greet us and properly direct where I’d be able to park my car.

“Sounds like Sarai’s kind of party.” And with that, I elbowed her in her side.

“Fuck you.”

“Sarai, you’re the turn down queen? I would have never thought. You stay checking the shit out of your co-hosts on that show. Both you and Chad are funny as fuck.” His laughter held an innocence that I’ve always gotten from him ever since he was a Goner at the University of Oklahoma. Sterling’s one of those guys who you can’t help but to cheer for. He has such a genuine spirit and he comes from a great family.

“I’m not the turn down queen. I’m just more on the chill side.”

“I can respect it.” Music blared from the miniature bowling alley as we walked through the lobby and eventually stepped inside, but the scene didn’t contain too many. As I expected, there was Chanel Iman, Sterling’s girlfriend, and two guys that I’m not quite familiar with. No Odell in sight. I guess Sterling was being truthful about the tamed vibe.

“Aw shit. If it isn’t the Most Wanted by Every Ballplaying Nigga number one and number two.” His loudness made his statement funnier than it should have been. It’s not the first time either one us have heard it and it won’t be the last.

“Ignore Ben’s stupid ass. Oh, and O’s coming. He ran upstairs to the crib.”

His introduction was just as amusing as his opening statement and he didn’t let up as he continued to speak about the never-ending lust for the “young thangs” that he described both Taylor and I to be. He introduced his friend as Kav. Chanel, I’ve known for a while now. I dabbling in modeling for the sake of branding, so we’ve crossed paths enough to be acquaintances.

“I left those kicks upstairs on the dining room table for you. Both colorways.” My heart thrashed against my chest cavity as the baritone of his sometimes-raspy voice resounded through my bones. It’s so low and soft, and yet powerful enough to command the attention of everyone in the room as their eyes shifted in his direction. His casual entrance felt like something grandeur as he halted in his steps and locked eyes with me. Staring became our form of communication, as his deep and intoxicating eyes expressed things to me that I don’t want or need to know. Though I couldn’t break the glaring, it was him who decided to do so by washing his eyes over my entire frame. I could have turned into a pillar of dust idly lying in the middle of the floor as Taylor touched my arm and suddenly pulled her hand in response to the endless number of goosebumps trickling along my skin and the lump in my throat? If I suffocate, then fine. At least this moment will cease.

“Sarai Nazaire.” My name flowed from his rosy lips so slickly and yet with a disbelief that I couldn’t quite understand. He invited me here.

“And Taylor Rooks.” Ben immediately interjected. I’m going to assume he’s to Beckham what T is to me.

“I see my homie. What’s up T?”

“Odell! My favorite guy!” Their embrace was first and I was glad of it. It allowed me some time to gain maybe ten percent of the composure I once had when I was sitting in front of my house and debating with myself on whether I should call it a night or not. I haven’t had much of it since then.

“Your favorite guy? O ain’t shit.”

“Never took you to be the jealous type brother.” He and Sterling shared a laugh in the midst of he and T’s embrace and then it was my turn. He hesitated just as much as I did.

“I’m so glad that you made it here. I thought you were going to stand me up.” Despite the extension of my arms, it was his large palms that drew me closer by my waist, and he eventually tightened his body around my own and slightly rocked the both of us from side to side.

“How are you?” I was going to stand him up. I should have stood him up.

“I’m well. You?” 
“Good. Can’t complain.”

“I’m mad that I didn’t see ya’ll at the game. I started to come and sit up there with Heather, but I was with Tweedledee and Tweedledum the whole time. I didn’t even know ya’ll were there.” Chanel’s side eye to Beckham earned my laughter.

“I didn’t know you were there either, but I should have known. You’re always supporting the boo.” As she affectionately wrapped her arms around Sterling’s waist, she nodded to confirm my observation. They’re adorable together. The last guy she dated was Jordan Clarkson and despite their cuteness, I believe Sterling is the one. There’s something about their chemistry that just connects and has bonded into the strongest mold.

“Aye, we have drinks over here. Strawberry Lemonade. And there’s some hot wings, barbecue wings, and some odd flavored mango wing shits that Kav ordered. Ya’ll can help yourselves to it. We started two games. O’s whooping my ass because I’m letting him.”

“Nah, I’m whooping your ass because it’s what I do.”

“Anyway, as I said, I’m letting bleach boy win. We gon’ restart, so that we all can play. Since we’re in an odd number, we won’t do teams. We can all put twenty in for shits and giggles, and because I’m cheap as hell. Winner takes all.”

Though I hadn’t announced it, bowling has always been a side activity of mine. Both of my parents were apart of some neighborhood bowling club or whatever the hell it was back in the day and I’d always be there with them learning their techniques and observing all of the older couples and their decades old love for one another. Even with the warnings to “stay out of grown folks’ business” I was still able to be in the midst of the fun per my dad’s permission because he took me just about everywhere with him. Though slightly rusty, it didn’t stop me from winning a hundred and forty dollars tonight.

“Aye, Sarai and Taylor, let me ask ya’ll some real shit. No judgement. Ya’ll ever dated athletes?” It was Ben’s millionth question of the night and much like all of them, his curiosity always peaked in personal areas.

“One, a few years ago. I haven’t dated another since.” Kendall Marshall. I’m not surprised that she didn’t say his name, though.

“Sarai?”

“None, ever.”

“No one?”

“No.” The rumors are out there, but they’re all false. I’ve just never felt compelled to clear anything up because if I start, I’ll never be able to stop doing so.

“But wouldn’t that be an issue though?” Kav asked the anticipated follow up question.

“I mean, it all depends on the circumstances. If you’re an NFL reporter and you’re dating an NBA player, there isn’t much they can do to you in terms of firing you, though you may be frowned at about it. That’s not a conflict of interest. Some networks are stricter than others when it comes to that. Turner isn’t fond of it. The Bleacher Report doesn’t give a shit about who I involve myself with because they’re a bit more progressive, I suppose.” She half-assed the response which then caused it all to be left up to me to finish up.

“My show covers all major sporting news, mostly within the United States. Our most important coverage is always going to be the NBA and NFL, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t touch base on baseball, tennis, and a few of the others every now and then. So, as far as myself, it’s a conflict of interest no matter which way you look at it.” Yet again, our eyes locked with one another but he didn’t flinch in the manner that I urged for him to. I aimed to set up disappointment and he didn’t bite the bait. If anything, my words flowed into one of his caramel toned ears and right out of the other.

“I think when the heart wants what it wants, none of that other shit matters. It’ll figure itself out. Right?” His tongue lightly ran over his lips in unison with his nonchalant shrug and Chanel bid him a high-five in appreciation for his words. 
“For someone so passionate about the sport that you play, I can’t ever imagine you doing anything to jeopardize your ability to be able to play it.” How or why would he ever? Love is great, but is having it in risky manners ever worth it? That always comes with sacrifice and adjustments that are life altering. Is it really love when you have to let go of so many different aspects of who you are to have it?

“Football is a major part of my life, but it isn’t my life. I’m starting to learn that a lot nowadays. I find myself praying for more time for myself, my family, and my life beyond that field. I’m not going to be playing forever. An empty ass house means that I don’t have much to show for what I worked so hard for. How does all of this even matter if I’m not sharing it? As far as the jeopardize part, I’m willing to fight for and alongside anyone who is going to do the same for me.”

“Why have people in your life that you have to fight for?”

“Because love, no matter which way it comes, isn’t always easy. It’s not supposed to be. I’m going to always fight for those that I love. You’ve never had anyone fight for you?”

He rendered me to speechlessness and a silence discomfort that I may not have masked with my facial expression. I had no answer to give or rather, I didn’t have one that I wanted to give him.

“Alright Sojourner Truth and Martin Luther King, there’s no need to be all deep about this shit. Damn. Ya’ll making me think and it’s too late for all of that.” Ben lightened the moment as Odell stood to his feet and he stepped away from the booth, but halted…for me.

“Sarai. I want to see your new ride before ya’ll go.” How the hell did he know that I was getting ready to throw in the towel and tell Taylor to come on?

“Go and I’ll meet you outside. I’m going to use the bathroom.”

Or she’s creating yet another awkward moment for me.

What was once ninety degree whether nicely calmed down to the high seventies and the cool breeze coming from the Hudson River soothed me as we walked along the exterior of the building. Beckham chose to leave his hands dug into the pockets of his windbreaker style shorts while my eyes panned down and remained focused on his crimson red Nike sneakers.

“Is that it?” I followed his finger and immediately nodded.

“Whew! That thang is on point. And you got the white too? Ain’t nothing like a clean pearly white car. I have to see the guts.” The guts?

It only took one press of a button to unlock the doors and just like that, he was sitting inside on the passenger side taking in the interior like a kid in a candy store. It’s pretty nice but I wasn’t anywhere near as impressed as he is.

“You doing it with this one. Nice pick Sarai.” I scoffed at his modesty. As if he isn’t the one who chose it.

“Shouldn’t you be complimenting yourself?”

“Not really. I gave you the advice, but I never picked out the specifics. This is better than I envisioned it, honestly. I figured you’d go for black or blue.” Black was the original choice until I saw the white one. It stood amongst all of the choices of its kind.

“It is pretty cool, huh?” As I slipped in on the driver’s side, I gave the car a start so that he’d be able to see the beauty of the interior illuminating in its nighttime mode.

“For sure. You look good in here. This fits you well.” For just that moment, he stared at the side of my head while I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel in an anxiousness for Taylor’s presence. Like the most dominant magnet, his aura drew my glare to him.

I’d always believed that perfection doesn’t exist, especially within men, and grandma Lèilin would immediately beg to differ. She informed me that there comes a time when a woman does lay her eyes on a man who is perfect for her in every single sense, flaws and all. He’ll be the most beautiful man she’s laid her eyes on. Grandpa Lesly was that for her.

I’ve never been so at a loss for words until being within this man’s presence. The symmetry of his face is sculpted to an unfair perfection and it impeccably compliments his narrow eyes. There’s no wild bushiness to his eyebrows; they’re tamed and follow the arches of his smiles and frowns. His nose is not too small and yet not too vast. It’s literally made to fit his face. His lips. Dear God. Small and yet supple. A perfect hue of rose. The full beard oozes confident masculinity and yet the bright platinum blonde mane of curls on top of head has this playful and unique sexiness that’s solely for him alone, no matter how many people try to replicate it. He’s beyond handsome; beautiful is more like it. I can see what makes them all go crazy, whether female or male. I understand why all eyes are on him. I’m drowning in the intrigue and yet seeking a lifeboat to get me the hell out of here.

“Eh. It’s a car.” That’s really all it is.

“I’m ready.” The sound of her dragging out the last word startled the both of us as she approached the passenger side and she playfully shooed the man out of my passenger seat and slipped inside after a brief hug with him.

“We enjoyed it O. Thanks for the invite.”

“It ain’t nothing. I’m just glad ya’ll came.”

“We’ll do it again for sure. I’ll catch up with you soon.” Their fists bumped and she closed the door behind herself. I figured that would have been the goodbye necessary for me to drive off into the night and yet his boldness continued as he stepped around to the driver’s side of the car and opened my door.

“Step out for a minute.”

“Why?”

“Just for one minute.” He awaited my hand to latch onto his own and it did within a couple of seconds. As soon as I was secured on my feet, he immediately drew me in for a tight hug and a soft kiss to the forehead.

“Thank you so much Sarai.”

“You’re welcome, Beckham.” The deep chuckle that rattled from his frame weakened mine.

“Am I always going to be Beckham? If you like the last name, I’m willing to share it.” And with that I drew away from him and lightheartedly mushed him out of the way. We’re not going there. Not now or ever, though I’m well aware that it’s a joke.

“Turn around. I have to sign your jersey.”

I did as he asked and stood still as he moved his marker from number to number along the back of it.

“What does it say?”  

“Read it when you get home.”

“Okay.”

“Goodnight Sarai Nazaire.”

“What is it with you and the saying my whole name thing?”

“It’s sexy, very sexy.”

“Flirting comes natural to you, I see.”

“I’m not flirting. Flirting is filled with jokes. I’ve yet to joke with you.”

I slipped inside of the car to avoid the urge to look into his eyes once more. Closing the door create the barrier that I so badly needed. Yet again, my heart was thrashing against my chest and if I don’t get the hell away from him, I don’t think I’ll be good to drive us anywhere.

“Hit me when ya’ll get in so I’ll know you made it safe. No speeding Sarai.”

“We’ll text you.” Taylor answered for me as she messed with the radio to find a station of her liking. As I pulled away from the parking space, he stood there and watched. In my rearview window, I could see a final wave from him before he turned to walk away.

I couldn’t be bothered with my nightly shower as I began stripping out of everything covering my body. I’ll need it in the morning when I’m dragging out of bed to prepare for work. It’ll also work with the strong ass cup of coffee I’m certainly going to need.

“Goodnight!”

“Night!” Though I closed the door minutes ago, I’m sure she heard me.

As I tossed everything into the dirty clothing basket near my closet, I decided to take a peek at the signature on the back of the jersey. With the way he moved the marker, there had to be more than just his first and last name back there.

“Sarai Nazaire. There aren’t enough words to describe how thankful I am for you. Thank you for everything that you are and all that you do. You Are The Prototype.” And along the bottom was his notorious signature.

Rather than tossing it inside of the basket, I put it on a hanger and hung it up inside of the closet. My next move was to grab my phone.

Goodnight Beckham.

That’s enough for him to know that we made it in safely.

Goodnight Sarai Nazaire.

Sleep is the last thing that I’ll be able to do tonight. Whether my eyes are open or closed, all that I can see is him.  

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Taking Time Part 1

Master List | Part 2

Request:

Could you do a Thor request where the reader is Tony’s sister and Thor and her always had feelings for each other but timing was never right and right after Infinity Wars, everyone goes to regroup and rest, she and Thor find comfort in each other since she doesn’t know where Tony is and he’s lost everyone he love (but her)?

Pairing: Thor X Reader (Though it’s kind of a lot of Tony X Sibling Reader in this half.)

Summary: For years you and Thor have had a tumultuous relationship, to say the least. After the snap, you meet up with what’s left of The Avengers at the compound to not only figure out where the hell your brother, Tony, is but also to lick your wounds. Thor is among them and the two of you finally take the time for one another because if you’ve learned nothing from this nightmare it’s that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. 

Warnings: Nothing in this half.

A/N: So, HUGE thanks to this Anon for the above request. I didn’t expect to be so inspired but I’m off to the damn races already as you can see. This will be a two or three parter I think. But, it’s me. I like to write. Who the fuck knows. Also, mainly because the request kind of demands it and not because I don’t like Jane Foster, this is written assuming that Thor and Jane weren’t ever a couple. 

Tags are open! 

@disagreetoagree @unalive-mee

Slowly everyone started to scream. The sound rose, at first harmonizing before falling into a cacophony. Your own scream was right there, lodged in the back of your throat, refusing to come out and join the chorus. One by one your staff turned to ash around you. Panic.

Outside the windows, Los Angeles was falling apart. The street was blocked with cars and bodies, smoke already rising from the wrecks. People ran en masse out of the office buildings, filling the sidewalks with seas of crazed citizens. Chaos.

“Stop!” you bellow to the ten people running for the doors as you activate the panic switch in your Stark smartwatch. “If you go out there you’ll be caught in that madness, it’s not safe.” The mechanical sounds of doors being sealed echo. Another touch overrides the standard emergency alert message and you address the building.

“Attention this is Y/N Stark: The Stark Foundation Tower is on full lockdown. We have not received word as to what is happening. Please, remain calm and care for the people around you as best you can. If anyone is in need of medical attention send them to the top floor and I will see to them. We will share information as soon as it becomes available. Thank you.”

Your eyes fall to your assistant’s desk, ashes dust the region from where she fell. Without another word, you slam the door of your office and activate the privacy filter on the windows.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y., what in the actual fuck is going on?!”

“I don’t know, Ma’am,” the AI’s lilting Irish voice responds. “It seems to be a global event.”

“Christ,” you swallow the scream again. “Get, Tony.”

“I can’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“Mr. Stark cannot be reached, Ma’am.”

“Override whatever bullshit reason he has for not being reached and get my brother on the line F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Ma’am, Mr. Stark is not currently on Earth. I am unable to reach him.”

For a second your vision blurs, “Repeat that F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Mr. Stark is not currently on the planet Earth. I am unsure of his whereabouts.”

“Is he-“ bile rises. He can’t be.

“No, Ma’am,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. responds, “Not to my knowledge. He was pursuing an alien assailant a day ago, prior to this event, and left the atmosphere.”

“Christ, Tony.” You collapse into your chair. “Where’s Pepper?”

“I have lost all signs of Ms. Potts.”

Now you can’t help it, you lunge for the trash can beside your desk and vomit, “Ha… Happy…”

“I have lost all signs of Mr. Hogan.”

You sit on the floor, lean against your desk, draw your knees up, resting your forehead on them. Suddenly you’re 10 again except even Tony is… “F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Yes, Ma’am?”

“Please tell me Rhodey is ok.”

“Sargent Rhodes is showing strong vital signs.”

“Thank fuck. Can you reach him?”

“I will try Ma’am. He is currently in the nation of Wakanda.” What the hell was Rhodey doing in Africa?

“Y/N!” Rhodey’s familiar voice bellows over the comm and you flick his image before you, “Are you ok?!”

“Relatively speaking,” the building has gone eerily quiet. “Where the fuck is my brother Rhodes?!” Rhodey’s face tells you all you need to know. “Fuck,” your head falls back and hits the desk with a thud.

“Where are you?” Rhodey’s tone is full of concern.

“The Foundation offices in L.A.” You look back to his image, “What’s happening?”

“It’s too much to explain. Pepper?” You can only shake your head, “Christ.”

“Why are you in Africa?”

“Again, long story.”

Then you see him behind Rhodey. His hair is short and he looks haggard but you’d recognize him in any condition, Thor.

“Y/N,” his voice is small. “You’re…”

“Alive,” you finish. It’s about all that matters at this moment you imagine.

He nods, “We shall come for you, immediately.”

“Hold up,” the image shifts as Rhodey’s hands rise in protest. “We don’t know what we are going to do just-“

“You can do as you wish but I’m going to go get her now!” This bellows.

Rhodey’s tone is calm, “Now is not the tim-“

“Not the time!?” You swear you hear thunder crack in the background.

“Can you two shut the fuck up!” You yell into the comm. They do and suddenly they’re both back in focus. “Thank you.” Massaging the bridge of your nose you continue. “I am not some damsel for you to come rescue, Thor, I know your intentions are good but Rhodey’s right now isn’t the time. I need to make sure what’s left of my staff is ok and try to get them back with their families…” If they had any left, “Contact me as soon as you know the plan, Rhodey.”

“Will do, kid,” Rhodey says with a stern nod.

“Thor… I’m glad your here,” he doesn’t respond, just skulks off. You’re about to end the transmission when Rhodey pipes up.

“And, Y/N,” his tone is somber, “use the suit.”

[Six months before the snap.]

Tony’s image pops up over your desk without warning, startling you. He's lounging back in an office chair eating an apple. “How’d you like your birthday present?”

You roll your eyes, “The Porsche is lovely Tony, but kind of unnecessary. Now if you don’t mind,” you raise your hand to end his intrusive call.

“Porsche? Oh, Pepper must have done that. How coudl she think I’d forget my favorite sister’s birthday.” Your annoyance is peaking. You were 37, not 17 (one of the many birthdays he did, in fact, forget if your memory serves, and it unfailingly does), and you had work to do.

“Tony, unlike you I like to do productive things with my time, wha-“

“I’m productive,” he sits up in his chair.

“You’re retired, what? At least twice over and you tinker on overpriced hobbies.”

“That cuts deep, sis.”

“I’m sure.” Suddenly your door flings open and one of Tony’s drones is hovering in your office.

Jade, your assistant, is behind it staring in horror, “I’m so sorry Ms. Stark! I did-“

“It’s fine, Jade, not your fault. And, please, call me Y/N.”

“Yes. Ok, sorry Ms… I mean, Y/N,” with that she closes the door and the drone gently places what looks like a watch box on your desk.

“She’s new.”

“She’s young and you’re engaged are you not?”

“I only said she was new,” Tony retorts.

“Mhm,” you roll your eyes and pick up the box. “This is a little elaborate for a watch, Ton.” Though the biometric scanner on top tells you this is something else.

“Just open it, Y/N.”

You do. Inside are a Stark smartwatch and a matching bangle. Both appear to be rose gold, a trend you’re begrudgingly loving, and you have to admit they are rather gorgeous. “Oh,” you lift the watch, “My current one is working perfectly, Tony.” You still slip off the old one and attach the new one to your wrist.

“Put the bracelet on your right.” Tony is staring intently and you’re sure he’s up to something.

You do, “Ok…” you’re nervous.

“Show her F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

There’s a zinging and suddenly tiny rose gold and matte grey scales are sliding up your arms. In seconds you’re engulfed in armor, the helmet snapping over your head before you can protest.

“Voila!” Tony exclaims, his smug tone ringing inside your helmet. The screen clears and you can see his image, still hovering over your desk.

“Really, Tony?” You don’t even attempt to hide how annoyed you are. “We talked about this.”

“No, you, talked, Y/N. I simply pretended to listen.”

You sigh, “I don’t need this.” The helmet retracts, seemingly reading your thoughts.

“Neat huh?” Your brother looks like a proud child and not a man pushing 50.

“Yeah, sure, it’s neat.” The suit continues to retract. “But again-“

“Just wear the fucking set, please,” a shadow flits across his eyes.

Your eyes narrow, “Tony…”

“I… I just like the thought that you’re protected. You didn’t like any of the other styles so I’ve been working on this nanotech so you can have something… unobtrusive.” He shoots from his chair and paces. You know better than to interrupt and cross your arms waiting for him to find his way to the real point.

Finally, he makes his way back to his seat and slumps into it. “Ever since Pep and I got engaged I’ve been thinking about family… Actually since…” You knew where he was going. Since the situation with The Accords, since you two had it out over his stance on The Winter Soldier, since you told him he was wrong. You two had hardly spoken.  

Your eyes meet through the camera. He looks like that lost 21 year old suddenly. The one who not only lost his parents but had to become one in the course of a night. “I know I haven’t always done right by you, Y/N. I know I was never… what you needed me to be-“

“Tony-“

“Let me talk,” he holds up a hand. “And after the last few years, all this chaos… I just I know what’s important and I need to protect it.”

“I appreciate that,” and you do but… “How, exactly, does this help?” You hold up your wrists. Your brother, though you loved him, had a tendency of throwing money at his problems rather than actually dealing with them. Once again, this felt like that.

He smiles a bit, “Now we can meet up whenever we want, screw waiting on planes!” Your eyes roll and your head falls into your hands and you groan. “I’ll sleep better at night knowing you can protect yourself against almost anything.” You look up at your brother. “Hopefully, you never have to use it… but please… for me…”

“Fine,” you sigh. “At least you got the color right.”

“Actually that was me,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. chimes in.

You both laugh. “Plus I can’t let you watch my future spawn if you don’t have your own suit. Ok, love ya sis byeeee!” And with that, he rings off.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. is Pepper pregnant?!”

“No, Ma’am.”

You shake your head, your brother was ridiculous.

[Present day.]

Your finger runs along the band of the watch. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. how many Stark Foundation employees are left in the building?”

“Fourteen, Ma’am.”

“Are they all on this floor?”

“Yes.”

“Is there any news on what’s happened?”

“No Ma’am.”

“Ok,” you sigh and pick yourself off the floor. There was no sense in sitting here. People needed help. Your people needed help. The rest you’d sort later.

The next three days speed by in a blur. Every single one of your remaining employees had lost someone dear to them, it was terrible but you’d managed to get them to their homes safe and ensured them they would continue to be provided for indefinitely.

The bottom floors of the tower you owned in downtown L.A. were being used as temporary housing. People were flooding into the metro areas as some towns had lost half or more of their population and couldn’t function. Five of your employees had offered to run the shelter. You’d only used the suit once, even then it was just to clear some of the immobilized cars from the roads so service vehicles could pass.  

Finally, the call from Rhodey came, “How’re you holding up kid?”

This endearment used to rankle but now that 40 was fast approaching you kind of liked it, “Ok. Have you heard from him?” You hate how your voice rose, hate how desperate it sounds.

“No, Y/N… I’m sorry…” you both stay silent for a minute, knowing that this may mean you never will. “We’re heading to the compound. Can you meet us there?”

Clearing your throat, “Yeah.”

“See ya soon, kid.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. think you can help me get this thing to the compound?” You’d flown short distances in some of Tony’s other suits but never this one and never so far.

“Of course, Ma’am.” The suit wound its way across your body, “Whenever you’re ready.”

There wasn’t any point in packing. You had clothes at the compound and you could get whatever you needed later. Strolling out to your penthouse balcony you take a breath, “Let’s go.” With that, your helmet covers your face and you’re off.

It only takes you about three hours to get to the compound. This included a stop atop the Rocky mountains just because you could. The sun is just beginning to set as your feet touch the ground.

“No one is here yet, Ma’am, and the rest of the staff was sent away per protocol” F.R.I.D.A.Y. informs you thought you already assumed as much, “All is secure.”

“Thanks, F.R.I.D.A.Y.” The suit slides back into its housing, “Can you have all the schematics for the nanotech up in Tony’s lab? I want to look at it later.”

“Of course, Ma’am.” Everyone knew Tony as the tech genius and you were the philanthropist but you’d also gone to M.I.T. and knew your way around advanced technology like any self respecting member of the Stark family.

“Oh, and F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Since we’re going to be chatting more can you please call me, Y/N?”

“You got it, Y/N.”

“Thanks.”

The silence in the well lit common space is oppressive. You run your hand along the back of the couch and your mind wanders back to the last time you were here. After your brother had returned home from his fight with Steve.

Tony had been adamant that he was in the right.

[Flashback: Just after Tony returns from Russia.]

“He. Fucking. Killed. Them. Y/N!” He’d screamed in your face.

“From what I’ve heard he wasn’t given a choice, Tony! You can’t kill someone over-“

“I didn’t!”

“No, you said you wanted to. And like a petulant child you just couldn’t reel in your fucking emotions and look at the situation with a level head!” He’d been silent for a few minutes.

“Fuck it. Here,” with a flick of his hand, the TV lit up with a grainy video feed.

A car, a crash. Every part of you wanted to look away knowing somehow what this was.

Your mother’s voice crying out, “Howard!”

“Fuck you, Tony.”

“Still think he deserved mercy?”

“Fuck. You. Tony,” you turn to leave and he grabs your arm.

A gunshot echoes, “Still think I’m a petulant child?!”

You rip your arm from him and growl, “Yes.”

“Wow,” he released you. “I mean really… just wow.” He points to the screen, “Our fucking parents, and you think the man who killed them is just some innocent lamb. I thought you’d-”

You pick up the vase next to you and hurl it at the TV before the video loops, the screen splinters. He stares at you, unfazed. “If you say ‘be happy’ I swear to fuck I will never speak to you again.” You’re shaking, “Killing him wouldn’t have brought them back. It wouldn’t have made anything better. But maybe if you had taken a few seconds to think about someone else’s emotional well being you could have saved your friendship, saved your team!”

You take a few steps away trying to calm down and failing. “But no!” You’re screaming at this point, “You can never look past your own fucking pain can you?!”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

Tears prick the back of your eyes, “I was TEN, Tony! That night you just so lovingly showed me? Ten fucking years old. You had 21 years with them, a whole childhood! I had ten fucking years. Then all I was left with was you and Jarvis, he was gone two years later and what do you do?! You send me off to boarding school because I was in the way of your good fucking time!”

Your whole body is shaking, “I can count on both hands the number of times we’ve talked about them in 25 years, Tony. Because you couldn’t dare to feel some pain on my account because I can’t remember them like you can.” The tears finally spill over, silent and almost as hot at your rage, “I can hardly remember what her voice sounds like most days so thanks so fucking much for making me hear that you selfish piece of shit.” You wipe your tears. “Fucking rot alone with your fancy suits for all I care. I’m out.”

[Present Day]

The memory makes you shake. It took almost a year for Tony to speak to you. He had never fully conceded that you were right, that if he had thought things through maybe that terrible situation could have ended better. He had, however, admitted he regretted the way he handled things with you, how you’d grown up. He had been trying to make more of an effort. He had apologized for showing you the video.

Now… if he was gone. The thought takes the wind from you and you collapse into one of the armchairs. If he was gone, you had spent the last two years in flux because neither of you could keep your emotions in check.

Money, you thought, can buy happiness but it sure as shit can’t buy emotional stability.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Can you tell me how far out they are?”

“Two hours.” Perfect. Enough time for a shower.

You’re wrapping your long brown hair in a towel when F.R.I.D.A.Y. pops up, “The Quinjet is 10 minutes from landing.”

Not caring you toss your hair into a messy bun, slip into one of your brother's tees and a pair of skinny jeans. The watch and bracelet hadn’t left your wrists.

You hadn’t thought to ask Rhodey who all was coming, who had made it… You guessed you’d find out soon enough as you make your way to the landing pad.

The jet settles and the bay door opens. Rhodey rushes out and crushes you in a hug. You don’t fight him. James Rhodes had been like family for most of your life. And as it stood he was the only family you had left. Tears pricked at the back of your eyes but you refused to let them fall.

He holds you at arm’s length, his own eyes glassy, “I’m so glad you’re ok, kid.”

You rub his graying hair, “I’m glad you’re ok too old man.” He chuckles and you look past him fully expecting to see Thor. Instead, “Banner?!”

“Hey, yeah,” Bruce waves awkwardly.

Nat smiles at you, “Thor isn’t here.”

“I’m happy to see you too ya know,” and the two of you embrace.

“He said he was taking the long way, whatever the hell that means.” You look around for the source of the unfamiliar voice. Someone clears their throat and you look down.

For a second you just stare. “… is the emotional trauma and decades of substance abuse finally catching up with me…”

“Not yet,” Rhodey answers.

“But if you’ve got any additional substances to abuse laying around I could use some,” the fucking talking raccoon says.

“His name is, Rocket,” Steve says stepping down.

“Good to meet you,” you nod, suddenly not worried about the fact that everyone is acting like this is a totally normal thing. “Steve,” you smile, genuinely happy to see your friend.

“Y/N,” he draws you into a hug. The look you both exchange says you know that a long conversation will happen later.

There’s a crack of thunder. A flash. And with all the subtlety of a crashing freight train, Thor lands just outside the concrete pad. For a moment you’re genuinely annoyed at both his overdramatic choice of entry and your heart for rising into your throat at seeing him.

His eyes meet yours. They're so sad, and tired, his shoulders slump. Suddenly you know something is terribly wrong. All social niceties are thrown to the wind, you rush him. He meets you half way and lifts you into his arms burying his face in your neck.

He trembles against you and you realize he’s softly crying, “Thor?”

He looks at you, eyes blue pools, “I thought I’d lost everything. But here you are.”

[eldritchsurveys]

1103.

5k Survey LXXXVI

4401. Do online relationships actually work? >> Considering that people have had them, are currently having them, and will continue to have them as long as the Internet exists........... 4402. Did you know who Nora Jones was before the grammys? >> I still don’t really know who Norah Jones is. I just know the name. 4403. In Maine school teachers are being told by the board of education that cannot criticize the possible upcoming war in front of students because those kids with military parents were getting upset by it in a few cases. What do you think of this? >> This is not something I’d feel comfortable having an opinion about. 4405. Should a convicted murderer have the same right to be on the organ donor waiting list as anyone else? >> Yep. 4406. Is there a difference between american rights and human rights? If so what is the difference? >> Legally, I presume so? But frankly, I don’t care to explore this.

4407. What is the only completely instrumental album ever to be labeled as having explicit lyrics? >> ??? 4408. Who would you rather put in a box and mail to abu dabbi, Tipper Gore or Hilary Clinton? >> What? 4409. What are your top three favorite comic strips? >> I don’t have any. 4410. Can you name anything that sucks more than Creed? >> :| You know, to this day I’m still instinctively afraid to mention that I like this band because I got fucking ragged on for it so badly in high school when I was really into them. Like, holy fucking shit, it’s just a band. 4411. Is eminem a genius? Why or why not? >> I don’t know. 4412. Where is abu dabbi anyway? >> I don’t know. 4413. Where do you think woman are the most free from social pressure to please men, the US, Egypt or Japan and why? >> --- 4414. Is there a difference between crisps and crackers? >> I thought crisps were chips, but I may very well have my words confused. 4415. If you were going to download three movies that you wouldn't have paid for but you'll watch since they're free what would you download? >> --- 4416. If you had a ferret what would you name it? >> --- 4417. What do you think of peta? >> I think I want nothing to do with them. 4418. If you started your own music awards show what would be the three most prestigious awards you gave out and who would win them this year? What would your show be looking for in an artist? >> I would never start a music awards show. 4419. Is there a difference between a musical artist and an entertainer? >> I would assume that “entertainer” is a broader term than “musical artist”. You can entertain in all sorts of ways. 4420. How would you rank the following people, artist or entertainer? Wierd Al: Britney Spears: David Bowie: Eminem: Moby: Marilyn Manson: Tiny Tim: The Monkeys: The Sex Pistols: 4421. Why does Polly Pocket no longer fit into your pocket? >> ??? 4422. Would you eat a cereal called Mud & Bugs? Yes, there is such a cereal. >> Probably not, since I don’t eat cereal. 4423. If you were a mythical creature which one would you be? >> I am a mythical creature. D&D has driders, which are very similar and what I usually use as a quick way to describe myself. 4424. What do you think of the new pregnant barbie (called happy family barbie)? >> No thank you. 4425. What is one thing you know is a lie? >> --- 4426. How is your soul today? >> ??? 4427. Are you into sci fi? >> Sure. 4428. What's a 'poppet'? >> Isn’t it, like, a little doll or something? 4429. How's the name Shane? >> I like the name Shane. 4430. What is expected of your gender that you don't quite live up to? >> --- 4431. Koolaid. ifr it'll dye your heair, try to imagine what it does to your stomach: Do people still dye their hair with koolaid? >> I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with the first part of this question, but as far as the second part, I don’t know. I’ve not heard anyone talk about it in a long time. 4432. If you build it, they will come. What is it? who are they? >> My only association with this phrase is Wayne’s World 2, tbh (although it was slightly different, “book” instead of “build”). 4433. What would you never do to get attention? >> *shrug*? 4434. Should we try to control nature? >> *blank stare* 4435. Who is the most powerful villain in the universe? >> --- 4436. Invent a superhero to deal with that villain? >> --- 4437. Who are you desperately missing? >> No one. 4438. What gives you a feeling of perfection and peace? >> I’m not sure. 4439. Are you already whole and complete or does something make you whole and complete? What? >> I am already whole and complete. Feeling that way is a different story, but that’s fine. 4440. Do you prefer the word mankind or humankind? >> They’re interchangeable to me, I’m not precious about it. 4441. Do you look good in yellow? >> I look amazing in gold. I don’t know about other shades of yellow. 4442. What do you want to win? >> --- 4443. What gives someone power? Who has power over you? Who do you have power over? >> I assume that I have power over no one, and I would never want to have power over anyone. I don’t know about the rest. 4444. What question do you really want to know the answer to: in general? about yourself? 4445. The lamest Disney movie ever was: >> --- 4446. One thing you thought you would never miss but do is: >> The subway. When you have to ride it all the time (not to mention when you have to sleep on it), it’s a pain in the ass at best and an absolute inescapable hell at worst. But gods, do I miss it. 4447. In what ways are you a role model? In what ways are you a bad example? >> *shrug* ??? 4448. How is your blood pressure? >> I assume it’s fine. 4449. What was your last horrible nightmare about? >> I don’t remember. 4450. Hey you. What do you say? >> ...

[tgwltw]

Erase the past.

Requested by @imagination-factory I’m not quite sure if I was really able to deliver the angst + fluff here so hopefully, this is alright enough for you! Thank you for sending in your request!

Barry looks back one last time, heart beating against his chest, when he spies Batman lying crumpled on the ground. He almost feels bad for doing that to him, he really doe, but right now, all he can think about is his own survival and how he really needs to make it this time. He can no longer do-over – this is the last chance and he really needs to get this right or otherwise, everything’s just done. Destroyed. Like the rest of the league members and the world that is slowly going up in flames. With one thought in mind, Barry tries his hardest to create a temporal breach, one that would hopefully take him right back to before his entire world started crumbling.

Barry crashes on to the ground the moment he arrives, letting out a groan. He is in pain but Barry has greater things in mind to think of so he sits up and looks around – the world isn’t on fire, the skies are still light and he checks his clock, it’s working very fine – and jumps up. He knows where he has landed – it’s Central City – so he makes a quick dash to check the date – it’s at least two days before the event happened so he has time – and rushes off to Gotham City find the cause of the problem.

You had been enjoying your tea with Damian when suddenly Barry appears in front of you, catching you by surprise because he had only just left the manor a good ten minutes ago. “Hi, Barry! Did you leave something behind?” You ask him, setting down the cup beside Damian’s book. “You could have just called and I would have dropped it off.”

Hearing your voice might have been too much for Barry because his mind is starting to become blurry, his thoughts swirling in a whirlwind and he can tell he is just about to cry. He knows he has tears in his eyes – he had feel them welling up when he saw your face.

Barry needs to make this quick. He knows there is no way for The Bat to follow him here but he also knows he should never underestimate The Bat – what if he had built some sort of time traveling machine to follow after him. “I have something to tell you.” His voice is tight and Barry knows if he looks at you any longer, he will just cave in.

You frown, sharing a glance with Damian. Damian nods his head before placing his own cup of tea down beside yours and heads out of the room, intending to find the rest of his family – he knows they are in the manor somewhere, it’s just a matter of finding them quickly.

When you made to approach Barry, he runs past you, always making sure there is a huge distance between the two of you and that is when you realized something. “You aren’t from this time are you, Barry?” You ask him and judging by how tense he is, you know you have hit the bull’s eye. You cross your arms. “You said you have something to tell me – what is it?” You tilt your head to the side – this Barry looks very haggard, like he hasn’t seen better days and your heart hurts for him.

Barry is your closest friend. Ever since he became a member of the league, you have always taken him under your wings and even though you aren’t exactly a qualified member of the league – you know enough to know how to survive when the time comes – Barry and you have always been close. He looks up to you like a sister – a sister he never had and you adore him like he is your own little brother. The two of you are just super close which is why you know something must have happened for this Barry to look like this and you briefly wondered if it had something to do with you.

Barry is feeling extremely conflicted. In one hand, he just wants to tell you to not go on that appointment in two days’ time but he knows you would be asking questions about it – your mind catches up on things quite easily which is understandable seeing as you live with the finest detectives – and Barry isn’t sure if he is ready to answer any of those questions. He doesn’t think he can – doesn’t want to relive those moments after the event that changed literally his entire world.

“All you need to know is this, Y/N.” Barry takes a deep breath, daring himself to really look at you. Oh, what a mistake it had been because now that he is staring at you, he realizes just how much light you bring in to all of their lives, just how radiant your aura is and it pains him so much. He chokes on a sob quietly. “Just please don’t go to that appointment of yours.”

You frown. Earlier on, Barry had been all hyped up about you going for the appointment of yours – it is a new business deal that you are trying to launch and you had to go to some sort of ceremony sort of thing in two days’ time. “You were rather happy earlier when I told you about it. What changed, Barry?” You uncross your arms and take a step towards Barry. This time he didn’t move so you continue to walk towards him until you are standing right in front of him.

“I can’t.” Barry shakes his head. “You know why I can’t, Y/N.”

The frown on your face deepens. “I deduced that you are from the future – something must have happened for you to come back to the past. How far in the future did you come from?” You press, vaguely aware at the back of your mind that your entire family have set foot in to the living room. “I know you can tell me, Barry – you know that when you came back in time, you have already caused a ripple in the timeline and you know I can know. What happened, Barry? Did something happen to me?” You lift a hand to press against Barry’s arm and he stiffens visibly so you nod your head. “I see, so something did happen to me.” You sigh. “There has got to be a good reason why you are holding out on me, Barry Allen.”

Bruce frowns when he hears that and heads towards you. When Damian had told him, Barry had arrived, he knew right then that something must have been wrong. It also didn’t help the fact that there had been a ripple of energy briefly in Central City. He wonders what caused Barry to come to you and now that you are still coaxing Barry to tell you the truth. Bruce feels the looming doom and his stomach clenches in fear.

But you are not going to stop until you get to the bottom of it. “So tell me, what happened to me? Was it a serious injury? Is that why you are here? You know I can take care of myself.” You tell him pointedly but perhaps that had been the last straw for the speedster because Barry broke down afterwards.

“That’s the thing, Y/N! It wasn’t just a serious injury! You died! Do you know how that makes me feel? How it made them feel, have you ever thought about what your death will be like for the rest of us?” Barry all but shouts in anger and stress. It would have been better if you had survived but the worst part was, you had died in his arms and that is the horror he has to live with for the rest of his goddamn life.

You are shock and at a loss of words. You didn’t even realize Bruce has wrap his arms around you, pulling you to his embrace.

“What are you talking about, Barry!” Bruce demands, staring at him, the words are still echoing in his head. “What the hell.” Apparently he wasn’t the only one confused and afraid, the rest of his boys had immediately came forward – they had been standing far enough as to not impose on their conversation – the moment they heard Barry’s outburst.

Barry shakes his head, letting out a small self-deprecating laugh. “You died in my arms, Y/N. In two days’ time, you are going to die in my arms. So please, listen to me, don’t go to that appointment of yours.”

After getting over the initial shock and swallowing the lump that appeared on your throat, you grab on to Bruce’s hand, letting his body warm you, protect you. “There has got to be another reason for this, Barry.” You try to reason with him but even to your own ears, your voice sounded extremely weak. Given what you have just heard, it really is no surprise. Your days are numbered.

Barry looks at Bruce before looking at the rest of the boys he has grown to love as his own family before looking back at you again. “After your death, everything went spiraling down and day by day, it just got really worst to the point where…” Barry glances at Bruce. “Where Bruce and the rest of the boys went on a rampage – left almost every incapacitated, the world is practically in ruin so you must understand, please don’t go to that appointment of yours.” Barry begs, turning back to look at you, tears are already streaming down his face right at this moment. “Please.” Barry could feel what energy he has left leaving him and a few seconds later he blacks out.

Dick rushes forward to catch Barry just before he hits the floor and he stares at Barry in shock. “Ma, please tell you aren’t going to go, especially not after what Barry just said.” With the help of Tim, Dick lifts Barry up and deposits the older man on the sofa and he turns his attention back to you.

You open and close your mouth a couple of times, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that your days are numbered. There are a lot of questions you still want to ask Barry but you should have noticed how tired he was earlier – you noted he had looked haggard but you definitely did not expect the nightmare he has been living.

“Y/N.” Bruce turns you around to face him, cupping your face with the palms of his hands. “I will not let anything hurt you at all.” He had been planning on leaving Gotham for a meeting or two but now that he knows of the impending doom about to happen, he isn’t going to risk it.

“Mum, excuse my language but please do not be daft.” Damian surges forward to you, face tight with fear, concern and love. “You should not go – I don’t want you to go.” Damian has never cried in his entire life but right at that moment, he is about to break that record. He really cannot think of how his life would be when you are gone – he didn’t even want to imagine it – and that nagging feeling is back. “Mum, please.”

Jason is fuming. “Ma, you better not be going anywhere in two days’ time. I’m going to cancel everything I have planned and I’m going to fucking stay here.” He has been dead before – he knows what death feels like – and it’s not something he wishes for you to experience. Judging from what Barry had informed, none of them probably managed to revive you and as much as he hates the world, Jason hasn’t gone that far in wanting to destroy the entire world either.

You shake your head, tears finally streaming down your face. You let out a sob and Bruce immediately pulls you in to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around you, letting you cry on his chest.

Tim clicks his tongue. “I have cleared all of our schedules – I only left Ma’s untouched because we still don’t know the cause…” Tim trails off and steps closer to Bruce and you.

After making sure Barry will be attended to by Alfred, Dick turns to look at Bruce. “We have to stop this.”

Bruce nods his head, rubbing your back soothingly. There have been a few times where he has entertained the thought of you being dead – it’s something that can never escape his worries – because of the burden you carry: his name and your alliance to his alter ego too. There are a lot of times where he fears for your life, for your safety and to have Barry coming from the future telling all of you that you are going to die in two days’ time if you go for the appointment is just too much.

Once your sobbing stops, you pull away from Bruce’s calming, comforting embrace and turn to look at each and every one of your boys. You open your arms and Damian had been the first one to rush to you. He hugs you tightly and you wrap your arms around him. Dick, Jason and Tim joined the hug and you tried your hardest to wrap your arms around your boys.

Bruce lets out a sigh before joining the hug as well, even going as far as calling Alfred to join the hug. Despite his confusion, Alfred simply goes along with it because why not? Every now and then, everyone needs a hug too.

[nyadami]

"Don't run away from this! From me!" For the arranged marriage starter sentence. Any ship you like ;)

“Don’t run away from this, from me!”

BruJay || 100% angst & heartache + some comfort  || wc: 1,027

I know it was initially an arranged marriage starter but I turned it into...an angst starter.... forgive me-- I hope you enjoy feeling pain.  ಥㅂಥ....

                                              …..·• •·….

Jason steps back, uneasyunder Bruce’s direct stare. He’s seriously considering to get the fuck out ofthe cave but something, perhaps his stupid pride, stops him. He’s been runningaway for a long while now, it’s all he’s been good at lately. Well, that andsoothing, there’s that to. Bruce doesn’t need to know of this, doesn’t need tosuspect what a coward he actually is beneath all the sassy, poisonous jokes. Youcould say it was his way, and still is, of coping with things. The Red Hood wasinitially created for that after all. To deal with his anger, betrayal, hate. It’seasier to cling to those feelings than admitting there’s more hurt beneath itthan anything else, and that the hate is a faded nightmare of the Lazarus Pit,and all that’s left is… just pain.

He’s been running fromBruce for years now, unable to fully cope with the things that happened betweenthem. Sure he doesn’t try to kill him anymore, gave up his grand vengeance planin favor of occasional clashes and nasty comments, but overall he’s avoidingthe Bat, trying to not see him too often, or worse, see Bruce.

So what is he supposedto do now, that they stand face to face and the man is reaching his handtowards him, saying with that steady voice of his “Don’t run away from this”his tone is quiet yet he hears him well “From me” he adds, in that deep voiceof his with the raspy edge that shows hints of actually god damn emotions. Whoknew, he still had those. What is he supposed to feel when he finally reachedout for him but its years too late?

“No…” Jason answers in abreathless voice, shaking his head and stepping backwards again. His smartassmouth fails him, there’s no smart comeback or laughing comments. He doesn’twant this—he doesn’t want to step into this trap again—knows he wouldn’tsurvive a second fall—he won’t be able to live with it, trusting the man again,possibly being let down again. “No.” he repeats, heartbeat loud and heavy inhis hover chest. He can’t, it feels unavoidable, that despite Bruce’s earnestlook now—he’d somehow betray him again. He can’t trust him, not again.

Bruce is looking at him,not taking his eyes off of him and oh God, there’s this determination in thoseblue eyes, same solid willpower he has every night when he gets out to fightcrime despite knowing it’ll never end. It’s the same stupid inability to giveup, expect now it’s directed at him.

It’s like he’s tellinghim that he won’t give him up, not this time, not ever.

Bruce tried to bring himback to the good side before, tried to get the Red Hood to play nice, join thegood fight again, stop soothing those criminals and start arresting them likethe rest of the family does, despite it being meaningless and stupid in Jason’seyes. He recalls him trying to reach out to the Robin in him, get him back tohis senses by reminding him of good old times.

Now though… Now he’sasking him, the actual him.  Notthe boy he had failed and lost, not the out of control anti-hero slash villain attimes, no, he’s looking at who he is now and asking him to stop running andcome to him, try again, despite it all. Jason grew adapt to reading Bruce’shidden words as a Robin, somehow now regaining that ability. Or maybe Brucejust allows him to see through his hard walls for once.  He doesn’t know and it hardly matters now, notwhen he’s shaking and his breath is shallow.

“Jason” his voice is a low echo in the cave,he steps closer.

Bruce steps closer andhe? He steps backwards one last time, back hitting the rough wall of the cave,eyes shutting. No. He cannot. He will not. He shouldn’t. He repeats itlike a mantra, exhaling in a rugged surprise when warm, rough fingertips touchhis cheek. It’s so light that he has to open his eyes if only to see if he hadimagined it, he’s met with a pair of tired, sad eyes. Bruce looks older thanever now, lacking the cowl to hide behind, his righteous rage and typical strictnessto hold his frame straight, he looks like a man who endured too much and isjust tired by now.

“I’m tired, Jay” hesays, and Jason believe him, he’s tired too. “I can’t change the past” his eyesseems to look even more tired “I wish I could” his fingers slide over his cheekand he cups his face, causing an involuntary shiver. “Forgive me” he asks withthat tone that Jason knows too well, he hears It—the safe punishing undertones,lack of belief he deserves forgiveness—he’d agree with him any other day, yes,he deserves it he’d think but.. how can he compete with Bruce’s self-hate?Nothing he can say anymore could be heavier than what he hears in Bruce’svoice.

Jason’s eyes close andpain crosses his face as it’s physically painful for him to be in thissituation, his heart aches as badly as the day he found out about Joker, aboutTim, about everything. He’s choked, and it takes him a while to realize there’stears, actual, wet drops sliding down his cheeks, touching Bruce’s fingers andsliding over them as well. His eyes open again and he meets Bruce’s with fear,shame, he did not want him to see this, he’s about to turn away and finally—finallyget away—but he’s stopped.

Bruce pulls him into afirm hug, holding him against his chest even when he struggles to get out ofthe hold, pulls him closer when he finally gives up and with shaking shoulderscrushes against him, tears filling his eyes and falling down his cheeks. “Ihate you” he whispers with a little broken voice, forehead falling to restagainst Bruce’s shoulder, “I fucking do” he adds, even raspier.

“I know” it’s all Brucetells him, hand firmly on his back.

                                              •·.··.·• •·.··.·• 

[surveysonfleek]

730.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 46

4401. Do online relationships actually work? i find that they have! i know a couple that are happily married that met through tumblr. 4402. Did you know who Nora Jones was before the grammys? not sure haha. 4403. In Maine school teachers are being told by the board of education that cannot criticize the possible upcoming war in front of students because those kids with military parents were getting upset by it in a few cases. What do you think of this? i mean it’s best that teachers don’t force their political views upon their students in the first place if they’re still young. 4405. Should a convicted murderer have the same right to be on the organ donor waiting list as anyone else? it depends if they’re out of prison or not.

4406. Is there a difference between american rights and human rights? If so what is the difference? not familiar with american rights. 4407. What is the only completely instrumental album ever to be labeled as having explicit lyrics? no idea lol. 4408. Who would you rather put in a box and mail to abu dabbi, Tipper Gore or Hilary Clinton? idk much about either. 4409. What are your top three favorite comic strips? the only three i’ve read i guess lol. 4410. Can you name anything that sucks more than Creed? nickelback. 4411. Is eminem a genius? Why or why not? he’s a good rapper, i’ll give him that. 4412. Where is abu dabbi anyway? it doesn’t exist... i’ve heard of abu dhabi though lel. 4413. Where do you think woman are the most free from social pressure to please men, the US, Egypt or Japan and why? honestly have no idea. i’d guess usa. 4414. Is there a difference between crisps and crackers? crisps are potato chips... crackers are crackers lol. 4415. If you were going to download three movies that you wouldn't have paid for but you'll watch since they're free what would you download? i don’t download anymore i just stream. 4416. If you had a ferret what would you name it? weasel. 4417. What do you think of peta? i get that they’re standing up for a good cause, they way they execute some campaigns are questionable though. 4418. If you started your own music awards show what would be the three most prestigious awards you gave out and who would win them this year?What would your show be looking for in an artist? i would be too lazy to do this. 4419. Is there a difference between a musical artist and an entertainer? yes. 4420. How would you rank the following people, artist or entertainer? Wierd Al: entertainer. Britney Spears: entertainer. David Bowie: entertainer. Eminem: artist. Moby: artist. Marilyn Manson: artist. Tiny Tim: idk them. The Monkeys: not sure. The Sex Pistols: artist. 4421. Why does Polly Pocket no oonger fit into your pocket? i haven’t seen one in years. 4422. Would you eat a cereal called Mud & Bugs?Yes, there is such a cereal. i don’t eat cereal at all. 4423. If you were a mythical creature which one would you be? unicorn. 4424. What do you think of the new pregnant barbie (called happy family barbie)? haven’t seen it. 4425. What is one thing you know is a lie? idk. 4426. How is your soul today? still there. 4427. Are you into sci fi? not really. 4428. What's a 'poppet'? idk, a pet name for a young girl? 4429. How's the name Shane? not a fan. 4430. What is expected of your gender that you don't quite live up to? be interested in fashion i guess. 4431. Koolaid. ifr it'll dye your heair, try to imagine what it does to your stomach: Do people still dye their hair with koolaid? not that i know of. 4432. If you build it, they will come. What is it? who are they? idk lol. 4433. What would you never do to get attention? cause a scene in public. 4434. Should we try to control nature? somteimes we can’t. 4435. Who is the most powerful villain in the universe? world leaders. 4436. Invent a superhero to deal with that villain? no lol. 4437. Who are you desperately missing? my family. 4438. What gives you a feeling of perfection and peace? having everything done on your to-do list and just getting to relax. 4439. Are you already whole and complete or does something make you whole and complete? What? until i reach my goals, i am not complete. 4440. Do you prefer the word mankind or humankind? it’s whatever. 4441. Do you look good in yellow? not sure since i don’t own anything yellow. 4442. What do you want to win? satisfaction. 4443. What gives someone power? Who has power over you? Who do you have power over? yawn. 4444. What question do you really want to know the answer to: in general? what happens are we die. about yourself? will i ever be successful. 4445. The lamest Disney movie ever was: they’re all decent. 4446. One thing you thought you would never miss but do is: my childhood. 4447. In what ways are you a role model?In what ways are you a bad example? haha idk. 4448. How is your blood pressure? higher than usual apparently. 4449. What was our last horrble nightmare about? i forgot. 4450. Hey you. What do you say? what? 4451. What is your favorite waste of time (BESIDES this survey)? sleeping. 4452. How would you like to die? in my sleep. 4453. What are three words used in your area/dialect that many other areas/dialects wouldn't be familiar with? chat, ceebs, oath. 4454. What are the ages of the oldest and youngest person you've ever had sex with? i’ve only had sex with one person. 4455. What is the wierdest place you have ever woken up? nowhere. Did you remember how you got there? yes. 4456. How do you feel when your partner is talking to an ex? he doesn’t have an ex. 4457. Is there an unrequited (unreturned) love in your life? nope. 4458. What is the most expensive gift you have ever given? from recent memory an ipad. received? macbook or jewellery. 4459. List three traits that might help you to fall madly in love: sense of humour, kind, good looking. 4460. Do children like you? sometimes. depends on the kid. 4461. If you found your child's diary would you read it? What if you found the diary of one of your parents? probably not unless i was worried about them. for both. 4462. Have you ever stalked or killed a wild animal? nope. 4463. True or Fales. You are moody in the morning: true. woman first: i wish it were true. baby corn freaks you out: false. Life is fair: false. 4464. Name something you are now prepared to reveal about yourself that you weren't ready to talk about in the past? nothing. 4465. Name a talent someone has of which you are jealous: singing. 4466. What would you think if you met yourself at a aprty? it depends what kind of mood i’m in that day. i’d be forgettable if i wasn’t being social. 4467. What would you most likely complain about in a Hotel? cleanliness, temperature or the bathroom not working properly. 4468. Agree or disagree. men need to be treated like children: not always. it is possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time: agree. but not me personally. you often feel pressured by others: agree. couples should live together before marriage: personally agree. 4469. If you owned a restraunt what kind of cuisine would you serve? a world buffet of amazing quality dishes. 4470. Three words that describe your ideal day in bed are: netflix, cuddles, rainy. 4471. If you had a ticket for a month is paradise where would you go? the bahamas. 4472. All men like to hear: you’re right. All woman like to hear: you’re right. 4473. If you are a woman what is your most masculine or macho trait or ability? If you are a man what is your most feminine trait or ability? haha no. 4474. How would you feel attending the wedding of an ex? if we ended on good terms and i was invited then i’d attend in a heartbeat. 4475. Fiction or nonfiction. You can lie with a straight face: nonfiction. You pee in the shower: nonfiction. you prefer honesty even when it hurts: nonfiction. uncapped toothpaste causes problems: nonfiction. 4476. What is the longest lust can last? no idea. 4477. What would you like to experiance while blindfolded? idk. nothing. 4478. The most horrifying couple you know is: sofia richie and scott disick. wtf do they even talk about? 4479. Name three things you have experianced that would shock your parents: drugs, sex, that’s about it. 4480. The oddest thing you have ever put in your mouth is: turtle. 4481. Lie or truth. love is a battlefield: truth. you watch too much tv: lie. woman enjoy sex as much as men do: truth. you are often tired: truth. 4482. What is the craziest thing you've done for attention? nothing. 4483. Do you believe in using the silent treatment? sometimes, for me to clear my head. 4484. Your most embaressing thought: idk lol. 4485. Your most prejudiced thought: idk. 4486. A shameful moment for you: where i am in life right now. 4487. The biggest gamble of your life: literal gambling. 4488. What is your greatest weakness as a friend? i care too much. 4489. Yes or No. complaining is a release: yes. James Bond movies are sexy: no. You feel better when you have a tan: yes. You sometimes eat your boogers: no. If yes, that's okay. 4490. Do you sometimes enjoy being mean? sometimes. nothing too mean spirited though. 4491. Are you high maintenance? no. 4492. Would you rather assume the role of sexual student or teacher? what? 4493. How many lovers do you consider to be too many? idk. 4494. What fortune would you want to find in a fortune cookie? anything that would actually come true. 4495. Nothing says lovin' like: idk. 4496. Have you seen Bowling for Columbine? If yes what'd you think of it? no. 4497. Do you overuse the word genius? no lol i hardly say it. 4498. Are you proud of the history of your people? Why or why not? my country, no.  4499. Do you think about world destruction? it is what it is. 4500. What object could completely symbolize maleness? How about famaleness? no.