#i cannot BELIEVE I am getting emo over Ice Thing

[redrobin-detective]

You better learn it fast, you better learn it young 'cause someday never comes

Father was coming. Months and months of waiting for him to reach out and, finally, Father was coming home. It wouldn't be to stay, no, he had his own life outside of the ice. As much as Ice Thing who had once been Gunter and before that Orgalorg missed him, they knew father had earned his flesh and freedom back. The crown had been Father's prison but it was Ice Thing's bright new future. Once upon a time, they would have never been satisfied with this; paltry powers and a minor kingdom but Father's influence had shown them the beauty of a simple life.

"Come on everyone, Father and the others will be here any minute and I want this place spotless," Ice Thing announced, clapping their way through the hoard of penguins careful not to jostle them. They were the master now but Ice Thing would always be one of them.

"Wenk," Guntilla said, flapping her fins.

"No, he's just visiting and if we want him to visit again everything needs to be perfect," Ice Thing explained impatiently.

"Wenk, wenk," Goonder noted bitterly.

"Don't talk about him like that, he may look and act different but he's still our father. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior or we'll have no snacks or cuddles tonight and that's a promise," the rest of the penguins wenked in dismay and hastily went back to cleaning the Ice Palace. They were just putting the final touches on the charcuterie board when there was a knock at the door.

"Oh they're here!" Ice Thing exclaimed, "Gonther, Ginty, open the door and let our guests in." They stood in the entryway holding the ice board of snacks when the group shuffled in. Big sister Marceline - elder only in years as Father's child and not in age- and younger brother Finn were there followed by friend Jake. The Candy Princess was absent, Ice Thing was neither surprised or unsurprised given her bad history at this palace. Father was hanging towards the back of the group, looking shyly around the place. He had on an obnoxiously big coat with his hands stuffed under his armpits. He was using the coat more as a shield than out of any desire for warmth.

"Welcome! Welcome!" Ice Thing exclaimed, shoving the ice tray into Jake's hands so they could shake everyone's hands. "I was delighted to get your message; I'm so happy you guys could come. Please stay as long as you like, here have some snacks, have anything you want. The fruit of the Ice Kingdom is yours for the picking!"

"Thank you for having us," Father said quietly. His mouth quirked up into a little smile as some of the penguins waddled up to him and flapped at his knees. "And hello there, how have you all been?"

"Wenk," Gunder elaborated. Father blinked in confusion at the various chirpings. Ice Thing had worried Father would lose his affinity for Penguinese along with, well, everything else. The others would be so disappointed but they'd deal with that particular heartbreak later.

"He says he's better now that you're home," Ice Thing translated before hastily continuing when they saw father's grim expression. "Of course I've explained that this is just a visit." They reinforced to the penguins still mobbing Father. "Father doesn't live here anymore, he has his own home to return to. He's here to collect his things from the Past Room, remember?"

"Father?" Marceline muttered under her breath with a guarded look.

"I mean it makes sense, Simon or wait I guess he was Ice King back then was always babying these guys and calling himself Daddy and stuff sooooo," Jake continued. He opened his jaw wide and ate the entire charcuterie board, ice tray included. "So I guess you don't speak penguin anymore, huh?"

"I guess not," Father said, hands awkwardly hovering over the heads of his penguins, children who had not seen him for months on end and demanded attention. Some begged for forgiveness for whatever kept him away from home. Some screamed at his absence, at his change. Some wept, believing he no longer loved them. Father, ignorant to their chittering, looked up at Ice Thing with poorly disguised anxiety.

"Gunter," Ice Thing said to his second in command. "Please show our guests to the Past Room so they can get stared. Ice boxes are all set for you down there. I'll let Father take what he needs from his bedroom and he'll join you downstairs soon."

"Why the rush? I think we should all go together?" Marceline frowned. They didn't know what she was jealous of when Father clearly favored her best.

"Marcy, come on, let them have some alone time. I think they got some Daddy-Alien Penguin Child stuff to sort through," Finn loudly whispered which everyone heard. Father's tanned cheeks turned an embarrassed red but said nothing. "Alright Gunter 2, lead the way!" He spun around to follow after the penguin and the others followed leaving Ice Thing alone with his father. They'd missed him terribly but now that he was here, they had no idea what to say.

"Your room just as you left it, didn't touch a thing. It's always open to you, if you ever want to come back, for a visit or for longer. The Ice Kingdom will always be your home," Ice Thing explained cheerily as he showed him the path Father undoubtedly knew. Father was silent as he walked quietly behind them.

"The penguins have missed you," so did I, went unsaid. "I'm sure they would love it if stopped by more often, or even just called."

"I didn't mean to abandon them," Father said slowly, carefully. "I will admit I was scared of coming back, afraid that being here would - I don't know - make me turn into him again or something. I didn't forget about them or you, I-I guess I hadn't framed our relationship as you had."

"You hate the Ice King," Ice Thing said, their voice becoming rough and losing it's whimsy as they stood in the entryway of his father's former bedroom. Blue mumus, various colored pencils and cracked ice sculptures were littered on the floor, unmoved since their owner last threw them there. Ice Thing had stood in this doorway many times, intending on tidying up the space but found they could not touch their father's abandoned possessions. Then he really would be gone.

"I don't really hate-"

"You deny all the things he loved in order to separate yourself from him. You stay with sister Marceline and care for brother Finn but we were your children the longest and instead you shun us." Ice Thing stated coldly, staring ahead into the vacant room and not at the familiar imposter beside him.

"The Ice King was silly and kind and full of feelings he could not understand much less control. But he was, more than everything, my beloved father. I understand he was not you and you were not him but you are the only thing that remains of him and so I must either build a relationship with you from broken scraps or accept that he is lost forever." They finally turned to look at the pale, stricken human. "My daddy is gone but I am willing to make due with a father if you are."

"Gunter," Father whispered softly, staring into Ice Thing's crystalline eyes. Father may have changed but his eyes were still pale wizard blue and just as sad. He wordlessly opened his arms and Ice Thing -a king and a god but also a parentless child - shuffled forward into his embrace. He was warm. It felt wrong but also strangely right.

"I'm so sorry," Father took a deep steadying breath. "I don't mean to but somehow I end up leaving the people I love behind. I know it must be strange to see me like this but the man I was... I was so miserable and confused and out of control. It took so long to escape from the crown that I kept away from anything reminding me of my old life. I wanted to be my own person outside of his craziness but by doing so I lost my connection to all the good things I had as Ice King and you all were one of my good things." Father pulled back and looked up at them.

"I'll be better. I'll stop by more often and bring treats and generally be more present. I... Daddy promises," he said awkwardly trying to infuse his old self into the words. But the attempt fell flat into the air, sinking like the dust on his father's old life. Ice Thing appreciated it but they had already made peace with their loss. They had watched Father and Marceline circle each other miserably for centuries. That would not be them.

"Thank you, Father," Ice Thing said, gently squeezing his father's delicate human shoulders. "Please take what you'd like from this room but I'm going to leave for you in case you need it. As I said, the Ice Kingdom was once yours and its lights will always be on for you. And if you ever need to talk, let us say I know what it's like to have your loved one changed and gone before your eyes."

"Yes, I suppose you do," Father muttered mostly to himself. "What did I ever do to deserve such kind children?"

"It was how you raised us," Ice Thing responded. They watched as Father took in the room, running his hands over the dust covered objects like they were ancient artifacts to be studied instead of his own belongings. He looked over at the drums hastily shoved into the corner and tapped a knuckle roughly on one of the cymbals which echoed through the room. "Do you still play?"

"I never learned how to play the drums," Father sighed. "Ice King did that all on his own. I never felt a calling to learn the drums but I guess it suited him. I-I think I remember songs, hours and hours of practice and how to hold a beat but I haven't touched them since I changed back. Not sure I really know how anymore."

"You taught me or rather you talked out loud enough as you learned that I picked up the basics. We could play together sometime, like you and Marceline do. Maybe one day we could play as a family." Ice Thing offered. Father smiled at him, sweet but also sad. 

"I would love to, honestly but I think I need more time before I'm ready to step back into those shoes again. I'm sorry, Gun- Ice Thing, really I am, but right now it's quite difficult to even stand in this room. I need to be Simon again before I can think about being Ice King." Disappointed but not surprised, Ice Thing led Father out of his former room and towards the stairs to the Past Room with the others.

Father was alive but it was different than before. Ice Thing had no hopes that he would ever return to being Ice Thing's beloved if complicated Daddy. It stung, an ache that reached deep into their icy heart. Father would visit and he would laugh with them and maybe, one day, he would even play the drums with them again. But it would never be the same. It was up to all of them to accept this new reality, for all the good and bad that came with it.

"Let's bring some more snacks down, if Finn doesn't have something to distract himself he's going to cause problems trying to get the car working," Ice Thing commented.

"The car?" Father blinked, "just what do I have down there? I can't even remember."

"I guess we'll find out together."

[casual-socks]

HI IVE BEEN MASSIVELY HYPERFIXATED ON TMA FOR ABOUT A YEAR AND IVE SEEN MAYBE ONE (1) SINGULAR PERSON TALK ABOUT THIS and i am not even kidding when i say its been a passionate topic of conversation for that entire year. people know me for this. it comes up and my entire friend group SIGHS AUDIBLY because they know the 20 minute tangent i Will be taking

WHATTTTT IS GOING ON WITH GERARD KEAYS NAME. what. what???? okay i

youre telling me jonathan sims went to oxford college (relatively prestigious if my memory serves me correctly) for RESEARCH. for, to put it simply, READING. and he looks at the name gerard and goes Yeah looks like jared to me lets go with that!!! HELLO?? NO?? not even mentioning the fact that he is being what could easily be called possesed when reading these statements which leaves us with two options

1. the ENTIRETY OF ENGLAND CANNOT PRONOUNCE THE NAME GERARD.

2. jonathan sims is so monumentally stupid that he is somehow breaking this possesion for the 2 seconds it takes to say the name gerard (i love him i swear i will sound so so hateful for this entire post but its out of love)

and like??? its not even that EVERYONE is calling him jared? elias and gertrude have both called him gerard and thats just off the top of my head. i also think jon said it correctly ONEEEE SINGULAR TIME. Just the once.

now i feel it necessary to mention jared hopworth here as well. because why, why on gods green earth, would you name a character gerard. pronounce it jared. TURN AROUND AND GO. lets make another jared but this ones made out of meat and is sort of implied to not be too fond of gay people. Yeah he steals peoples bones. Yeah.

SO LIKE GERARD KEAY IS THE OBJECTIVELY SUPERIOR JARED EXCEPT HES NOT JARED HIS NAME IS LITERALLY GERARD?? FUCK YOU SO MUCH

so okay. sure whatever this podcast is sooo british that a bunch of people are just completely failing to pronounce gerard. sure. whatever you say.

GERRY?????? HIS FUCKING NICKNAME IS GERRY???????????? NO!!!!

NO. no. LOOK ME IN MY EYES. LOOK AT THE NAME GERARD. GER-ARD. AND YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA CALL HIM JARED. SND THEN YOURE GONNA CALL HIM GERRY WITH A G???? gerry with a g. that is utterly ridiculous i cannot even believe this that is monumentally frustrating i cannot even begin to describe to you all the anger i have experienced over this particular bit because why on earth would you take that particular extra step??? gerard -> gerry. sure. thin ice, but sure. jared -> jerry. sure! yeah! makes sense! GERARD -> JARED -> GERRY? you must be playing some sick joke jonny sims. seriously. you are a cruel and usual man

now this is when i start to wind down, but far from where i finish. lets take a moment to really pause and soak in his actual name here.

gerard.

that is so unfortunate already i mean really, gerard is such a…. a name…. i mean his mom skins people and puts them in books and the cruelest thing i think she ever couldve done is honest to god name her son gerard.

keay.

now dont get me wrong. theres nothing seriously wrong with spelling it keay on principle. but god, really? youre gonna shove all this gerard gerry jared business in front of me and tell me his last name is just key but gone the extra mile. really feels like the cherry on top of a shit cake.

now if you consider gerards character i truly feel as though thats the deepest disservice here. gerard keay is an incredible character whos short appearance is so memorable and charming, and despite his VERY little screen time he still has an intriguing and well fleshed out character. really, gerard keay is so excellent character wise. But, every time i think about him for any more than 5 minutes, almost this exact rant is being told to whoever is unfortunate enough to be near me at the time.

another thing i think also really adds to this is just the nature of gerard keay. everything you can say about that guy could be ended with “and everone calls him jared for some reason”. hes emo and everyone calls him jared for some reason. his hair dye job is so miserable that EVERYONE mentions it and everyone calls him jared for some reason. he has mommy issues and everyone calls him jared for some reason.

okay i need to wrap this up before i start just repeating WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY for thousands of words but heres a graph i made for my friends in october 2022 when i was going on about this in the middle of my spanish class 👍👍

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Begone, Bitch

Prompts: Hi ! I just wanted to say that i love your stories and the way you write the characters ! If you want, could you write about Virgil being comforted by the other sides, or him getting hurt while protecting the others ? - anon

I am beyond grateful for every fic you write, you are so good at pushing all the right emotional buttons to just make my entire day. I don't want to be greedy since you already make so much good content, but in 'Lie to Me' there was that little one off scene in the kitchen where Virgil pushes Janus behind him to 'protect ' him from Roman and I *cannot* stop thinking about it. I would die for a whole fic of Virgil protecting Janus(and the others, but mostly Janus, I like when people are sweet to the snake boy) from danger by physically shielding him with his body. Overprotective Virgil is my favorite. So this is a prompt/request but only if you really really want to <3 And thank you for writing such wonderful fic. - awitchbravestheverge

Ah yes more opportunities to write in Virgil's narration style.

Read on Ao3

Warnings: none, not really. Some creepy shadow shit from the Subconcious and Virgil gets a little hurt but nothing graphic

Pairings: platonic found family babey

Word Count: 4504

The Subconscious is a nasty piece of work. It’s not quite powerful enough to overtake the Mindscape by itself, Roman and Remus do too good of a job holding the barriers in the Imagination, but that doesn’t mean little shits don’t worm their way through every now and then. Guess who gets the fantastic job of being alert to each and every single one of them?

No fucking prizes for guessing who.

The Subconscious is a nasty piece of work. It’s not quite powerful enough to overtake the Mindscape by itself, Roman and Remus do too good of a job holding the barriers in the Imagination, but that doesn’t mean little shits don’t worm their way through every now and then. Guess who gets the fantastic job of being alert to each and every single one of them?

No fucking prizes for guessing who.

For the most part, Virgil’s able to work undetected. Or, well, no, the others will see him doing shit but they don’t know that’s what he’s doing. He just has to stand between them and whatever gross slimy black thing has crawled its way up from the depths of the Subconscious and it’ll get absorbed. Part of Thomas’s background anxiety until he can banish back to the hellhole from whence it came.

That doesn’t always mean it’s…painless.

Some of them are fine. Some of them are like little misty bits that just putter around where they’re not fucking supposed to be and Virgil can just pluck them out of the air and stuff them into the pockets of his hoodie and wait. These ones really like to bother Patton, for some reason.

Patton’s baking today, cinnamon sugar muffins. He’s humming to himself as he bustles about the kitchen with that weird boundless energy of his that makes everyone want to think about nothing but sunshine. Ruins the hell out of Virgil’s gloomy emo image but hey, fresh muffins. Sacrifices must be made somewhere.

“Did you want to help, Virgil, or are you fine with just sitting there?”

Virgil blinks, having zoned out after the third time watching one of the containers almost fall over. “Nah, I’m good.”

Patton shrugs. “If you change your mind…”

“I won’t, Pat, I’m good. You’re doing great.”

“Aw, thanks!”

Virgil opens his mouth to say something else when he sees a little grey thing twisting in the air next to Patton’s head. He suppresses a sigh and reaches out, careful to make sure Patton’s back is turned as he snags the pesky little thing and whips it away. He stuffs his hand in his pocket as soon as Patton turns around.

“What was that?”

“What was what,” Virgil asks, blinking innocently as he squeezes the icy thing in his pocket, “what’re you talking about?”

Ah, it’s the hands-on-the-hips dad pose today. “I saw you reach for something, mister, now what did you do?”

“Don’t worry about it.” The misty little shit shrivels and disappears, leaving an ice-cold sting on his hand out of sight. “It’s fine.”

“Show me your hands.”

“What?”

“Show me your hands, Virgil.”

Virgil sighs and pulls the unstung hand out of his pocket. “See,” he says, waving it for good measure, “nothing to see here.”

Patton just raises an eyebrow. “And what about the other one?”

“C’mon, Pat—“ he sighs when both of Patton’s eyebrows go up— “fine, here.”

Patton’s eyes widen when he sees the mark on Virgil’s palm. He rushes forward instantly, cradling the injured hand and reaching for a towel. Conveniently, he gets one that was quite near where the misty thing had been floating.

“You could’ve told me you were hurt,” he says softly, tending to the sting with such tenderness that Virgil almost believes it’s something to worry about, “I would’ve helped.”

“But it’s fine, Pat,” Virgil sighs, “I could’ve dealt with it.”

“I know, I know.” Patton gives the hand one last dab with the towel before pronouncing it good enough. “But it’s never a crime to let us help you, kiddo.”

The corner of Virgil’s mouth tugs up. “Thanks, Pat.”

“Oh, of course, kiddo. Now you sit tight, the muffins won’t be another ten minutes.”

“Can’t wait.”

2.

Sometimes the Subconscious decides it’s bored of letting just the little misty bastards out and lets out the fucking ooze.

Have you ever seen Venom? Know how the symbioses move and how weird it is to look at?

Yeah, it kinda looks like that, just without the gay domesticity and mutual pining.

Nah, this ooze is mindless, just wants to—well, it doesn’t want anything, it just gets fucking everywhere. Makes it real hard to think sometimes, messes everything up.

Really likes fucking with Logan. Which first off, is not allowed. Don’t fuck with Logan. Don’t fuck with any of them, Virgil can and will kick your ass, but especially don’t fuck with Logan. Remus will tear you apart and no one will stop him. Except for Logan. Maybe. ‘Cause he’s nice like that.

Anyway, Virgil gets a weird tingle between his shoulders when there’s an oozy bitch up and about. He’s sitting on the couch, minding his own damn business, but then there’s that itch between his shoulders and he perks his head up.

Logan sits in a chair, alternating between scrolling on his laptop and making notes in one of his many notebooks. Virgil frowns, looking around, seeing if there’s any goo to keep track of, only to come up with nothing. Huh.

“Virgil?”

“Yeah?”

Logan tilts his head, concerned. “Are you alright? You look worried.”

He shakes his head, still squinting around the room. “Weird feeling, that’s it.”

“Will you let me know if it gets unbearable?” Virgil nods. “Thank you. Well, I’m going to get some more coffee, would you like any?”

“Uh, yeah, sure, L, that’d be great.”

Logan nods and stands, going to the kitchen. Leaving his laptop unattended on the coffee table.

Virgil watches as a truly massive ooze slides out from between the couch cushions and toward the laptop.

Not today you slimy bastard.

Unfortunately, he’s just a second too slow as a tendril from the ooze touches the laptop and yanks, pulling the laptop off the coffee table and sending it hurtling toward the floor. Virgil bites back a curse and lunges. His hand grabs the ooze just as his arm catches the laptop.

“Get back here, you little shit,” he grunts, opening his hand and using his power to suck the frothing fucker into his arm where it can go the fuck back to the Subconscious.

“Virgil, you—“

Shit.

Virgil looks up, a little guilty, as Logan comes back around the corner holding two coffee mugs. He looks down and raises an eyebrow.

“You…saved my laptop?”

“It was falling,” Virgil mutters, setting the precious cargo back on the coffee table, “didn’t want it to.”

“Ah. Well, thank you. I appreciate it.” Logan sets one of the coffee mugs down and reaches out a hand to help him up. “Though I assure you it is not the first time that laptop has been dropped.”

“What do you do with your stuff, Lo, I swear you make more cryptic remarks about it than J.”

“It’s all part of the experiment.”

“See, there you go again!”

3.

And then, then sometimes the Subconscious decides oh, it wants to get inventive and spawn this horrific little ooze-demons. Goat head, four legs, runs about like a creepy little horror game creature, they’re fucking awful. They don’t all look the same but they’re always running and climbing about like some gross as hellcat gremlins. Their nails are so sharp.

These fuckers really like messing with Janus. He’s got too many fun things to pull on, too many heavy clothes for them to pull and make him trip, and they like scurrying up his staff too much. They’re absolute fucking nightmares.

The good news is they’re by far the most obvious of the obnoxious little shits that manage to slip through the barriers of the Subconscious. Virgil hears a weird skittering in his ears and knows that one of the little monsters is loose again. Given how they all flock to Janus like he’s some fucking homing beacon, it’s easy to find them.

Janus is pacing back and forth, yanking angrily at the end of his clothes like they’re about to snag on something, his staff clutched in his hand. His head is down, muttering to himself as Virgil walks up.

“J?”

His head whips around. “Oh. Virgil. Certainly expected to see you here.”

“That’s me, always turning up where I’m not wanted.”

“I didn’t say that,” Janus mumbles, resuming his pacing, “though I didn’t mean to summon you. You can go.”

“You didn’t summon me, J,” Virgil says, leaning against the wall and looking around for wherever the bastards are, “I’m here of my own free will.”

“Free will,” Janus scoffs, turning around, “what the hell even is that?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Virgil spots movement.

“It’s not like there’s some master document of humans where free will is written into it.”

Slowly, Virgil raises his hand toward the spot, not tearing his eyes off it.

“And the belief that animals don’t have it! Ha, some of them exhibit characteristics of choice much more than we do.”

The little fucker snaps at his fingers as he makes a grab for it. He snags it by the scruff of the beck and yanks.

“And what is this about it being provable? Show me one scientific theory that has space in it for free will. Do it, I dare you.”

Virgil bites back a curse as he wrests the pesky shit around the middle, ignoring the way it chomps and snarls at him.

“Just because you have or don’t have free will doesn’t make you exempt from the constraints of society. Even if you aren’t making your own choices that doesn’t mean you’re the exception to the consequences.”

The teeth that sink into the sleeve of his hoodie are the last to vanish as Virgil breathes out, watching the last of it fade as Janus turns around.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, tugging his hat and gloves, “haven’t been…”

“S’okay, J,” Virgil waves with the hoodie sleeve that isn’t ripped, “you’re good. Come on, let’s go eat something.”

“…pasta?”

“Sure thing, danger noodle.”

“Ugh, I take it back.”

“Whatever you say, hazard macaroni.”

“I’m taller than you!”

4.

It makes sense that the Subconscious decides to send the most insidious shit after the twins. They’re the reason the pieces of shit monsters can’t make it up to the rest of them. And for the most part, they know what to look for. They don’t have the same awareness of all the little idiosyncrasies that Virgil does, but they beat back a fair number of them on their own.

Which is why the ones they can’t are tricky.

Remus is Dark Creativity, he lives in the muck with the monsters. Thrives in it. Loves the way the gross and the unwanted and the sickening twist and turn about his realm, thrills in the horrified swoop in his stomach when something truly gruesome rears its ugly fuckin’ head.

What he can’t deal with is the fog.

The first time Virgil saw it, he honestly thought it was smoke. He thought Remus had set something on fire and panicked, reaching through to try and find the blaze, find Remus, find a goddamn fire extinguisher, but it was cold.

Like…really cold.

You know how when the air is really humid it feels like it has a weight to it? Like it hangs over you like a wet rag that you just can’t shake off?

Imagine that but cold.

Virgil shivers and reaches forward, trying to find Remus. He’s still never gotten used to it, even though he’s seen it so many times now. Remus doesn’t make it out of his room when the fog comes. He blames it on creative block but Janus always hisses gently when he says that.

“Remus? Remus,” Virgil calls using his tempest tongue, “where are you, buddy?”

He can’t see Remus yet, but the call did its work. The fog ripples in front of him, almost shying away from the sound waves as he moves. He keeps calling, keeps watching the fog almost flinch as it recedes from him. His voice grows louder, louder. The fog begins to retreat in earnest.

Finally, he sees Remus, curled up on his bed, staring at the wall. Virgil muffles a curse as he strides forward, crooning as softly as he can in tempest tongue while glaring furiously at the fog as it sheepishly retreats. As the last of it fizzles, Remus’s head comes to flop on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Hey, spider-ling,” he mumbles, “when’d you show up?”

“A few minutes ago.” Virgil brushes Remus’s hair off his forehead. “You looked upset, bud, wanted to come check on you.”

“Fucking fine,” comes the slur, signifying that Remus is anything but, “I’m fucking fine, babe.”

“You’re exhausted and cold.” Virgil scoops him up into his arms. “Come on. Let’s go find J. He’ll spoil you.”

Sure enough, as soon as Janus sees Remus lying in Virgil’s arms, he jumps up with a coo and takes the other side from him, lying him down on something warm and promising to get him something warm to drink. No, Remus, not engine fuel. Something safer, at least for right now.

Virgil stands at the door, waiting.

There’s an itch between his shoulders and another chill down his spine.

A cloud of fog emerges from down the hallway. From it, three shadow gremlins canter toward him.

He grits his teeth and braces.

The first one collides with his shoulder and he grabs it, squeezing until the shadow folds in on itself. The second hits his shin and he punts it into a wall, scooping the remnants and absorbing them. The third one vanishes in a quick shout of tempest tongue.

You’re not gonna get them, he thinks as he shouts the fog away, not on my goddamn watch.

5.

The worst part of the Subconscious is the shadows.

Because they all have shadows. They all do. That’s just the nature of being an opaque thing and existing in proximity near light sources. Shadows are a natural by-product of blocking light, that’s it.

Wow, he’s been spending more time with Logan than he thought. Sweet.

But the Subconscious shadows are different. There’s no such thing as dark. Only an absence of light. There is no substance known as ‘dark,’ sure there’s dark energy or dark matter if you go the physics route, but there isn’t a thing ‘dark’ the way there’s a thing ‘light.’

If you looked at the Subconscious shadows, you’d believe otherwise.

They look normal. They look just like normal shadows. Something resting against the wall casts a shadow. Something moving in front of a window casts a shadow. Something sitting on the edge of the desk casts a shadow.

But these shadows move.

You have to pay such close attention to even catch them. You have to know precisely what on your desk is casting what part of the shadow when—hold on, what is that? Is it the water bottle? No, you pick up the water bottle and the cylinder two spaces across move. So you pick up the lamp and no, that’s not it either. You move your hand—your hand’s shadow is easy to track—and you move it to where it should be overlapping with whatever’s casting that shadow. You look closer. But there’s nothing blocking the light where your hand is, nothing between the light and the wall.

You stare at the shadow.

And then it moves.

See? They’re fucking terrifying. Like some Peter Pan gone wrong shit. Creepy, sinister, innocuous-looking, you’ve got to be constantly on guard to catch them. You have to be smart. These ones, out of all the Subconscious monsters, feel the most spiteful. Like they’re doing this on purpose, to terrorize the Mindscape.

That’s probably why they go for Roman.

Roman holds the barriers the most. Remus pushes them to reinforce them, but Roman draws the lines in the sand. Roman is responsible for keeping Thomas safe from the barriers breaking, is largely responsible for Thomas being able to see the Sides at all.

So of course the Subconscious hates him.

Roman is the only one who will summon Virgil when he thinks there’s something wrong. Sure, it’s never been quite as simple as Virgil showing up and Roman telling him he’s scared, he thinks something just moved. They used to just throw barbs at each other until Roman was distracted enough for Virgil to suck up the shadow, or fight until Virgil pointed out where it was and Roman said it was just a test, but they’re better now.

Virgil appears in Roman’s room and immediately looks around. Roman sits on the bed, his hands folded primly over the sword in his lap, polishing the pommel with forced calm.

“There are at least three,” he says, his voice perfectly even, “I can’t keep track of them anymore.”

“It’s okay, Princey,” Virgil says softly, turning and turning to try and catch them, “I’m here now. You did a good thing calling me. Are you alright?”

“I’m here,” Roman says, forcing a little false cheer into it, “not the biggest fan of what’s happening, but I’m here.”

Virgil smiles at him briefly before he sees the flicker.

There.

“Roman,” he says calmly, “I need you to go stand by the window.”

Roman gets up and walks to the window, sitting under the sill and closing his eyes. Virgil grits his teeth and makes his shadow overlap with the one on the wall.

It burns as he starts to absorb it, writhing in protest and screeching silently for the others to come help. Sweat begins to bead on Virgil’s forehead as two move shadows race to enlarge his silhouette. Goddamn, they’re vicious tonight. What the hell would they have done to Roman if he hadn’t called?

Not on my goddamn watch.

He’s panting by the time they’re gone, but he’s alright. He’s good. They’re gone. Roman is safe. He turns and opens his arms, letting Roman come and bury his face in the crook of his neck.

“Thank you,” Roman murmurs quietly, “sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Princey, this is my job.” He claps Roman on the shoulder. “You did good too.”

Roman huffs. “I sat in the corner. That’s not much.”

“And you did great. Now come on, Pat’s making cookies.”

“Oh, right, is it Remus’s night to help?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmmm…maybe we should swing by and warn Logan first.”

“Good idea.”

+1.

Nothing’s happened in a while and Virgil is getting worried.

Normally the longest they go without an incident is a month, maybe, and then it’s normally back-to-back nonsense for like a week.

But it’s been three months. And nothing. No misty tendrils, no puddles of ooze, no snapping gremlins, no fog, no shadows. Virgil’s just about on the verge of running a round-the-clock patrol of the damn place just to make sure he doesn’t miss anything.

As it turns out, he needn’t have bothered.

Stupid, stupid. Idiot.

He fucking missed it. He fucking missed it.

All the other Sides had monsters that went after them specifically. Why should Virgil get left out?

The Subconscious hadn’t been stopping, or slowing down, no. It had been biding its fucking time.

And now…

Virgil scrambles backward, trying to keep himself between the door to the Imagination and the figure in front of him. They slash at him again and he dodges just in the nick of time. He winces, claps a hand to his chest, and literally feels his heart skip a beat as his hand passes right through.

He’s being absorbed.

The figure raises a dripping, shadowy arm and brings the weapon down again. Virgil can’t stop dodging long enough to get a good look at it. He only knows that it fucking hurts and that it’s draining him. Draining him back into the Subconscious.

If he can just keep it here, if he can just hold off long enough to figure out what to do—

Another slash comes down on his arm and he yells, tempest tongue dying in his throat. That one fucking hurt.

He throws a handful of dirt up just to see if maybe it will blind them or give them a moment’s pause but no. The dirt just sinks into it like some fucking nightmare vacuum. The next strike collides.

“Virgil? Virgil?”

“What the fuck is that thing?”

“It’s draining him, move!”

“Hang on, Virgil, we’re coming!”

“Don’t you fucking dare hit him again!”

The figure turns, only to jump out of the way when Remus’s Morningstar smashes into the ground where they had been standing. Remus growls, ripping it out of the soil and swinging again. The figure parries the blow only to let out an inhuman wail as Roman’s sword slices its arm.

“Get the fuck away from him,” Remus snarls.

“Back!” Roman swings again, driving them away from Virgil. “Back, foul beast!”

“Don’t insult them by comparing the beasts to whatever the fuck this is.”

Logan rushes up before Virgil can open his mouth to ask what the fuck is going on, dropping to his knees and pressing something warm to Virgil’s chest.

“Virge? Virge, stay with me,” he calls softly, “come on, it’s alright, we’re here now.”

“How—“ Virgil gasps as his chest starts to…resolidify? “How did you—what? How?”

“Oh, Virgil,” Logan murmurs, rubbing whatever the miracle thing on his chest is in small circles, “did you really think we never noticed that you were trying to fight them by yourself?”

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

“Shh,” he soothes, helping Virgil up into a seated position, “it’s okay. We’re not mad. Just worried. You’re hurt.”

“Fuck!”

“Just stab them, Ro.”

“I’m trying!”

Despite himself, Virgil huffs a laugh as he leans against Logan. “Are they—we should help.”

“You,” Logan says sternly, “will sit here and let me finish making sure you won’t be drained. The twins can handle themselves.”

Still, Virgil’s heart stays in his throat until he spies something else running up the hill. A shadow beast, a massive one.

“Logan, look out—”

Logan turns and—

Who the fuck gave Logan a gun?

The shadow beast has flopped over onto its side and dissipated, Logan already back to tending to Virgil’s wound but the time Virgil’s dizzy, half-drained brain figures out what just happened.

“You…you shot it.”

Logan quirks an eyebrow. “You sound surprised.”

“Remus!”

“Get back!”

“What the hell is it doing?”

“It’s growing, shit, Ro, we gotta fall back.”

“Guard Logan, check on Virgil, I’m right behind you!”

The twins rush up and form a guard around Logan and Virgil as the shadow figure swells. Virgil’s eyes widen as it growls, growing larger and larger and larger still until the shadows look strapped at the seams, fit to burst. It grows claws. It grows teeth. It grows more limbs than he can count.

It leers down at them and opens a gaping, black maw.

“Now!”

Roman crouches down to shield him as dirt flies up around them. Logan bends in too as something equally massive soars overhead. Virgil manages to peek between Roman and Remus to see a blur of green tackle the monster.

“Is that…is that Patton?”

“I believe it’s ‘Lily Pad-ton,’” Logan corrects wryly as the twins snicker, “but…yes.”

Judging by the roar of the monster, he’s doing something.

“Where’s Janus,” he hears Roman hiss, “he should’ve been here by now.”

“There!”

Remus points and Virgil spots a fucking enormous yellow snake unhinging its jaw. The monster howls as it starts to vanish down the snake’s gullet.

“Holy fuck.”

“I think Janny’s hungry.”

“Pissed off, more like.” Roman lays a hand protectively on Virgil’s shoulder, squeezing encouragingly as Virgil gasps at the contact. “Whatever that thing is hurt Virgil.”

Remus growls in assent.

The thing in Virgil’s chest starts to burn hotter. Logan shushes him gently as he whines in pain.

“It’s alright, Virgil, you’re almost done. We’re right here, just breathe.”

“You’re safe, sweetheart,” Roman murmurs as he starts to list side to side, “we’ve got you.”

“Nothing’s gonna fucking touch you,” he hears Remus snarl as he passes out, “promise.”

He comes to an indeterminate amount of time later, laid out on the couch, his head in Patton’s lap. He blinks.

“Hey, kiddo,” Patton murmurs, stroking his hair, “you feel any better?”

“Um, yeah,” he mumbles, turning a little and wincing at the pull in his chest, “what…what happened?”

“We won.” Roman pats his arm. “All safe now. You did great.”

“All I did was lie there.”

“Yeah, and you did great.” He winks.

Virgil’s gaze rolls around to catch Logan setting down a glass of water and crouching by his head.

“L?”

“You’re all better physically,” Logan says softly, “but it might take some time for you to feel like it. Just take it easy for a while.”

“And that means,” comes Remus’s voice from over the couch, “you gotta let us help defend you too.”

Virgil flushes. “But it’s not your job.”

“Are you insinuating that our job is not to take care of you?” Roman holds his hand to his chest in a mock gasp. “Because that is rude.”

Patton gives his hair a gentle tug. “We’re gonna look after you, kiddo, you deserve it.”

“I—um…” Virgil swallows heavily. “But if I dealt with it properly you wouldn’t have to.”

A soft hiss comes from the chair. Virgil looks and sees Janus sitting there, one leg crossed over the other. He smiles softly.

“You can let us help you, sweetie,” he murmurs, “rest for a little. Don’t try and take on the Subconscious by yourself.”

“…okay.” He squints. “Wait, why are you all the way over there?”

“Digesting,” Janus says, completely dignified.

Virgil snorts. “I’m just sad I missed it.”

“Oh, it was fucking epic.”

“Language, kiddo.”

“Oh, come on, you were great—“

Logan chuckles next to his head as Virgil drifts back off to sleep with a smile on his face.

…he is gonna ask who gave Logan a gun after he wakes up properly.

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[365days365movies]

March 21, 2021: Orlando (1992)

Tilda Swinton...confuses me.

Like, in a good way. Because Tilda may be the most versatile actor working today. I mean, look at the goddamn filmography, and you’ll see what I’ve mean. I’ve seen Tilda Swinton in a lot, surprisingly, and I don’t think anything I’ve seen was bad. For example, I am an ARDENT defender in the portrayal of the Ancient One in the MCU.

I understand the controversy here, but I actually think this is excellent casting. Especially considering...being comic book-accurate would NOT have been a good idea with this role, if we’re trying to AVOID controversy. But Tilda Swinton FUCKING KILLED IT in this role, and I will always be happy for this choice.

Let’s see, there’s Jadis in the Narnia films, as shown at the top, there’s Snowpiercer, as Mason (an amazing character, and an acting job that Swinton disappears into), Moonrise Kingdom as Social Services, The Grand Budapest Hotel as Madame D., and Gabriel in Constantine. Which is a good segue to the next talking point...

Gabriel is pointedly androgynous, and honestly, Tilda Swinton kind of is as well. You may have noticed that I haven’t used any pronouns in referencing to Tilda Swinton, entirely out of respect. Gonna be a little hard to keep up with, so I’ll be using she/her from here on out, only because those are the pronouns that Swinton’s most recently promoted for herself. She’s also referred to herself as queer of some variety, as well as being famously gender non-conforming.

Which is fitting, given that a lot of that public image began with today’s movie, one of her first big roles. I’ll be revisiting Swinton in the independent movie scene in a couple of months, but this may be a good introduction. Instead of spoiling anything off the bat, I’m gonna jump right in. And so, I present: Orlando. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

We begin with a young man named, well, Orlando (Tilda Swinton), a young man with a feminine appearance and a good upbringing. His name means power land and property, but all he really wants is company. He writes and rests by a tree in the day, but falls asleep by mistake. When he wakes up, he runs back to where he’s meant to be, with a tribute to Queen Elizabeth I (Quentin Crisp) playing in the background. And that’s a REAL song, by the way, actually sung in the 1600s for Elizabeth! Very neat.

A title screen flashes, reading “1600: Death”, and we see where Orlando is meant to be. He speaks poetry for the Queen and her court, but is interrupted by the aged queen, who asks whether or not his poem is appropriate for her presence, as the poem is about youth, and Queen Elizabeth is not that. Orlando’s father (John Bott), who is serving as host to Elizabeth, intervenes on his behalf. However, it doesn’t seem to matter to the Queen, as she invites Orlando back to England to serve as her “favourite”. He accepts, and soon lives alongside the Queen. She quickly promises Orlando much land and property, for him and his heirs, but on one condition: that he does not fade, wither, or grow old. 

The same wish cannot be applied to Elizabeth herself, nor to his father, as both grow old and die soon afterwards. Fast forward 10 years, and it’s a cold winter in England. Visiting Orlando’s vast estate is a woman from Russia, named Sasha (Charlotte Valandrey), and Orlando quickly falls for her. This is to the dismay of Euphrosne (Anna Healy), his fiancée? I’m not sure, to be honest, but they’re definitely involved, and she’s definitely upset.

However, this is also a scandal for everybody else as well, not just because Orlando’s already engaged, but also because Sasha is Russian, during a particularly poor economic period for the country. Euphrosne angrily throws his ring back at him, and Orlando speaks directly to the audience, telling us that a man must follow his heart. The two go to his private cottage, and they start to make out, when Orlando suddenly comes down with intense melancholy.

Because this is such great happiness that he feels, but this happiness too will one day end. Which is, like, the most emo-shit I’ve ever heard, but I’m kinda here for it. And yet, that happiness does indeed end, when Sasha is forced to return to Russia, despite Orlando’s pleading for her to stay. He asks her to meet him at London Bridge, so that they may elope together.

Later, Orlando happens upon a performance of Othello, noting to us that it’s a terrific play. This is as the death of Othello is being played out, so that’s probably foreshadowing, right? Anyway, Orlando leads two horses through the thick fog, waiting for Sasha to arrive and come away with him. But as a storm sets in, there is no sign of Sasha. And Orlando stands there in the rain. Said rain, though, soon becomes ice, underneath his feet, floating away down the river, along with his hopes of a happy future with Sasha. The treachery of women, according to Orlando.

Over the next week, Orlando languishes in his bed, asleep for the entire time. Increasingly more servants are brought up to try and rouse him, only for him to remain asleep, no matter what they do. But then, he wakes up, noting that he can only conjure three words to describe women, none of them worth explaining.

Forty years later, and the title screen cries “Poetry”! And Orlando looks exactly the same. Guess he really took that whole “don’t grow old” thing from Elizabeth to heart, huh? He speaks to a poet, Nick Greene (Heathcote Williams), and gushes about his poetry, which is a pursuit that he loves greatly. But Nick is...well, Nick is kind of a dick, to be honest. Orlando wants only to share his love and his poetry with him, but Nick’s only in it for the money. Not a true artist, and he mocks Orlando’s poetry, which he reads only after Orlando offers him money. And then, he writes a poem mocking Orlando further, which angers Orlando...but doesn’t stop the money flowing to Nick.

Orlando moves onto his next pursuit, in 1700, in the next section: Politics. Now over 100 years old, Orlando becomes an ambassador to the Ottoman Empire, and travels to Constantinople. There, he receives a somewhat rough and awkward greeting, which Orlando is not helping with. They share some Turkish coffee, Orlando has trouble drinking that Turkish coffee, they drink a LOT of Turkish coffee, and they toast to multiple things, including the “beauty of women, and the joys of love.” Orlando pauses at this, and reveals that he is still suffering quite a bit of heartbreak. His Turkish friend, the Khan (Lothaire Bluteau), bonds with him about this.

After 10 years, Orlando has fully retreated into life as a Turkish man. This is interrupted by a British emissary, sent to bring him news of a new appointment and power from the Queen. However, something goes wrong when the Khan arrives and takes Orlando hostage. The city is under attack, and the Khan asks Orlando if he will help against their enemies. Orlando agrees, and gives them arms, and heads to help himself at the walls. There, he witnesses a man dying, and it shakes him greatly. And just like before, he sleeps it off for seven days. And then...she wakes up.

YUP. WHAT.

Yeah, um, Orlando is now a woman. Like she says: “Same person, just a different sex.” Which is a very interesting premise, not gonna lie. Looks like Orlando now has to live life as a woman, which is going to be...difficult in 1700s Turkey. Or England. Or anywhere. Or any time.

Still, Orlando approaches this new life with aplomb, and without really any needed caution. Parading in some awesome dresses, she greets fellow nobility as the lady Orlando. However, the emissary from earlier, Archduke Harry (John Wood), begins to recognize her as similar to the lord Orlando.

In speaking with a group of poets, however, Orlando learns EXACTLY what men think of women in this society, and it’s not even a little bit good. She leaves, enraged and embarrassed. Harry also speaks with her, assuming that she was a woman all along. However, Orlando’s in EVEN MORE shit, as she’s quickly served with papers that are an attempt to take away all of her property and titles, because Lord Orlando is legally dead, and Lady Orlando is a woman, which one of them says is basically the same thing. FUCKIN’ YIKES, BRUV.

Ah, but Harry tries to help by proposing to her ON THE FUCKIN’ SPOT. He believed that Orlando was perfect as both genders, and is happy to do it. However, Orlando understandably refuses, and after Harry tells her that she will die as a spinster, alone and dispossessed, she runs into a nearby hedge maze. And while in the hedge maze, time passes, and her outfit changes to match the period accordingly.

Forward 140 years now! The year is 1850, and a new chapter begins: Sex.

And as she runs from the maze, she runs into who else...but Shelmerdine (Billy Zane), a man who...Shelmerdine? SHELMERDINE? What fuckin’ witch cursed his entirely family line to have THAT name? That’s the kind of family that was named AFTER a bridge, not the other way around! WHAT KINDA NAME IS FUCKIN’ SHELMERDINE?

Well, I’ve looked it up now, and it is apparently a real name. So, if any Shelmerdines are reading this...I mean, I’m sorry, but also, FUCKIN’ SHELMERDINE? OK, back to Shelmerdine. He’s twisted his ankle falling off his horse, and Orlando is now taking care of him. She reveals, in the process, that she’s about to lose everything. The reasons for that aren’t quite said, but Shelmerdine offers a place at his side, back to the great free land of America.

After having a conversation about the roles of men and women in the world (which is interesting given the context of the film in general), the two fulfill the chapter’s imperative. And we never see the act, but we do get some interesting angles and hand-holding. But the next morning, this post-coital reverie is interrupted by the lawyers from the Queen. The lawsuits have been settled, and Orlando has been legally declared a woman, meaning that unless she has a son, all of her possessions will be lost.

Shelmerdine (I swear, every time I say that name, a fairy gets chlamydia) leaves as well, with the southwest wind. As he heads back to America to fight for freedom, Orlando stands in the rain, facing an uncertain future, and broken fully by the politics of the time period.

And then...the sound of planes overhead. Looks like a new time period once again, heading into the periods of World Wars, and Orlando is now...heavily pregnant. OH. FUCK. Welcome to the next chapter: Birth.

We jump past the period of World War II, and to the 1990s! Orlando is presenting a book to a publisher, and he believes that the book will sell. With her young daughter in tow, she finally goes back to her old mansion, now finally able to go back after losing it 100 years prior. The narration from the beginning repeats, recontextualized for Orlando’s new life. She is over 400 years old, and finally, FINALLY...she is happy.

And that’s Orlando! I think I loved it. Real talk, this was a fascinating movie, and I’m into it. I’m very much into it. I’m sure there’s more to be gleaned from this film, but I’m glad I watched it regardless. More in the Review, though! See you there!

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

[goatsandgangsters]

okay okay okay EPISODE 6. I’m still… out of fucking breath. from the last one.

I didn’t plan on live-blogging because then I’d have to keep pausing to type but actually I’m having too much fun, I guess I’m liveblogging now

my posts just keep getting longer and more and more incomprehensible 

I forgot to mention in my last one, but it was a really good call to include the whole “west ravka wants to secede” plot line. it adds a lot, politically, and also adds a sense of urgency. whereas the book is a little bit like, the darkling is kind of a dumbass if you think about it because ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS WAIT LIKE 50 MORE YEARS, WHICH IS NOTHING IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, but now there’s definitely like. political urgency and necessity that the books don’t convey to the same degree.  

also adds a lot of dimension to What Happens At The End of The Book. which, I’m not there yet, episode-wise. but liiiiiiiiike.

BEN! BARNES! HAS! THE! RANGE! oh I love that they let him be lovesick and terrifying back-to-back like this, god he’s so fucking good. like, we all knew? we all knew this was a stroke of absolute casting genius? but god I don’t think we were actually capable of realizing To What Degree

oh god Inej looking at Alina I’m gonna CRY I actually got teary-eyed??

poor fedyor. he was planning so many double dates and then darklina had to go and breakup. (side note: I am SO INTRIGUED that the darkling thinks ivan is hilarious, so I just think the two “grumpy one/sunshine one” couples should go on a double date. get ravkan ice cream. why can’t this family ever have a funky fresh good time)

“I’ll never let go, helvar”

yo, real talk, why’s the darkling’s bed so short. dOES HE SLEEP WITH HIS LEGS DANGLING OFF THE END. this furniture is absolutely not proportionate to his height at all.

also it’s interesting how often he calls her “miss starkov” instead of alina, considering in the book he’s like “hello alina, how are you alina, alina how is alina today, alina I’ve seen what you truly are alina, FINE alina MAKE alina ME alina YOUR alina.” I’m pretty sure when I first read shadow and bone, literally the only reason I learned alina’s name is because he kept saying it

FASCINATING, CANON ZOYA/DARKLING???????????? honestly don’t know if I like that??? I prefer to think that he has not gotten laid in a couple hundred years because he’s just bad at being a person and isn’t actually as slick as he thinks he is. I cannot believe they un-canoned Zoya/Mal and canon’d this, UNEXPECTED. feels weird. 

on the plus side, I genuinely want a polycule of a solid half the trilogy characters and I guess it’s getting more canon by the minute! this is zoya and her girlfriend alina and alina’s three boyfriends mal, darkling comma the, and nikolai, who are also or have been zoya’s boyfriends at one point or another plus alina’s girlfriend genya who is also zoya’s girlfriend genya and genya’s boyfriend david” I’m allowed a seven-person polyship right?

fedyor and ivan go on double dates with the seven-person polycule. it’s a really tight booth in restaurants. 

also this is zoya’s ex-girlfriend nina who sometimes visits from ketterdam and brings her boyfriend and her girlfriend, and her girlfriend’s boyfriend, and his boyfriend, and his boyfriend.

AND THEN THEY ALL GET BRUNCH, THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT

baghra can come too but only because she likes getting day-drunk on mimosas with nikolai and bITCHING with him 

god I miss brunch. and friendship. and cocktails. and human contact. 

anyway back to actually watching this episode

I really like that Alina is about 10x more Actively Involved in everything that happens to her vs. in the first book where she’s more along for the ride

it is emotionally a weird experience to see Mal get pelted with a water bottle and go YEAAH followed by aw nah, he doesn’t deserve that. There is A Mal in another universe who deserves to get pelted by 15 water bottles but it is not this Mal. This Mal can stay. Book Mal is on thin fucking ice and will be pelted with water bottles. But Show Mal is Valid and Allowed. god Archie’s SO FUCKING good. I CANNOT BELIEVE I’M HAVING SOFT FEELINGS ABOUT THIS BUT HERE WE ARE, LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES, such is archie’s power and he deserves praise

“Your powers don’t scare me” OHHHHHHH SUCH AN IMPROVEMENT THANK GODDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

WHAT the FUCK I am having EMOTIONS over malina scenes

I LOVE NINA SO FUCKING MUCH. I love her endlessly giving Matthias a hard time. he deserves it. god I love HER SHE’S SO GOOD!!!!!!!!

ohhhhhh the MLEMS are FIIIIIGHTING

OHHHHHHHH THE EMO BOYS ARE FIIIIIIIGHTING

oh. my god. they stole the fuckin. they. okay but like, his horsies tho :(((((

KHDFGKSJDFHGSKDFJHGKH DAVID!!!!!! hkdfjhgdfkjghsdfhg d a v id. fjkdhgsdkjfhgdfh dddddaaavviiiiiiidddd. DAVID.

I absolutely love the thought of the darkling, ivan, and david hanging out, because it’s like the three least social people in all of ravka. and they absolutely LOVE one another’s company because no one talks, there is no small talk, and they can just SIT in SILENCE and it’s nICE. sometimes they make brief eye contact and nod a couple times and then go back to politely sitting in silence. 

sdfjkghskhdf his disdainful little ~a d o r a b l e~ about mal and alina deeply resonates with my experiences of reading the books. though AGAIN, WEIRD TO BE HAVING FEELINGS NOW. 

GOD SO NOW I HAVE TO DECIDE!!!!! IT’S SO FUCKING TEMPTING TO WATCH 7 AND 8 TOMORROW NIGHT. IT IS SO TEMPTING. THEN I CAN UNBLACKLIST IT AND REBLOG ALL THE GIFETS.

BUUUUUUUT I have a busy and hectic week and 7 and 8 would be a really nice treat to have waiting for me NEXT Friday as motivation to get through the week

But that also means I have to keep being vigilant about not looking at Content for another week AND IT’S REALLY HARD TO MAINTAIN THAT RESOLVE NOT TO LOOK

god I don’t know what to do. delayed gratification normally comes so naturally to me, this is an actual struggle. I thiiiiiink I’m gonna try and hold off because future!me will be grateful next friday. but mid-week me who wants to look at gifsets will be mad. 

[evanmcintosh]

Puppies, ice cream, beaches and cuddles.

Who: @marleyxrcse & @evanmcintosh‘

When: Sometime mid September

What: Evan joins Marley in getting her puppy. Emo shit and feelings get involved. Ends with beach cuddles.

Notes: Tw drug use, mentions of drugs

Marley walked over to Evan's place, unannounced. She wanted to do something that she thought about for a while but decided at the last minute she wanted to do it now. Marley knocked on the front door, hoping Evan would be there and free to come with her.

Evan was sat in his bedroom about to take a second hit from his bong when he heard the knock at the door. He was already just a tad bit high and didn’t bother with a shirt as he went to answer the door. He just hoped it wasn’t his brother, he didn’t want to deal with that. He yawned as he opened the door to find Marley standing there, cute as ever. “Marley, hey… “ he ran a hand through his hair as he stared at the pretty girl. “What’s going on, sweets?”

Marley grinned as the boy opened the door, happy that he was at there. "Hi!" She felt her cheeks burning a little when she realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. "Is there someone in there? Am I bothering you?" She asked, whispering. Marley pulled out her phone and looked through her phone. "I know it's last minute but I found someone, who lives an hour away from here, and the family that was supposed to take her backed out. She will be mine if we go right now. Would you like to come with me? Please?" she asked, showing him the picture of the puppy golden retriever. 

Evan raised a brow confused for a bit as his mind slowly caught up. “What? Oh, no. I’m alone. Sorry, I uh, I just took a hit. I’m a little high.” He over explained. Her concern was cute. “Someone?” He asked with a chuckle. “Oh like a dog.” He laughed again. “Yeah, yeah.  Come in, I just need to change.”

"Oh great. I'm glad I'm not bothering you. Sorry, I meant I found someone who had a puppy to give." She chuckled. Marley stepped into the house, "Thank you for wanting to come with me." She smiled at him. "Where's Chuck?" she asked, looking around for him.

“You could never bother me.” He gave her a charming smile and let her into the apartment, shutting the door behind her. “Of course, babe.” He squeezed her arm gently. “He’s in my room being lazy. C’mon.” He led her to his bedroom where Chuck laid on the bed sound asleep. The faint odor of weed filled the room, a smell Evan didn’t really even notice anymore. Evan rummaged through his drawers to look for a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, not really bothering to leave the room before removing his basketball shorts leaving himself in just his boxers to change.

"I can't believe i'm going to be a new mom." Marley said, following him to his room. "Hi Chuck!" She called his name softly as she walked over to the bed. Marley reached her hand out so he could smell her before petting the door. "You're gonna have a new friend soon!" She said, excited. The girl took a seat on the bed and couldn't help but glanced at the man as he changed.

“That’s very exciting. I’m really happy for you.” He stepped back from where he was standing and leaned over to give Marley a kiss on the cheek. Evan then pulled his jeans on and put his shirt on before sitting next to Marley to put his shoes on. “Do you know what you’re going to name him?” He asked curiously “Thank you. I’ve always wanted a dog and I’m so happy I get to realize one of my biggest dreams.” Marley’s lips curved into a smile as he kissed her cheek. “It’s a her and I’m not sure yet… I had maybe Bailey or Skye in mind… Maybe i will come up with something on our way there. We’re gonna have to stop at the pet store too. And get ice cream too.”

“Those are pretty names.” He agreed. “Oh, are we now? I mean puppies and Ice cream does sound like the perfect combination.” He brushed her hair out of her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb lightly. “Alright, looks like we’re ready to go.” He turned to the small dog and leaned over to kiss his head. “Sorry buddy, you’re staying here.” He gave him a few scratches before standing up and taking Marleys hand. “Lead me to your car, m’lady.”

Marley leaned into his touch, “It’s gonna be a perfect day.” She said excitedly. “Bye Chuck. Be a good boy.” Marley pecked the top of the dog’s head before standing up and made her way outside the house. “I didn’t tell my mother yet. Let’s hope she won’t kick me out for this. I doubt she will but we never know.” She laughed. “I’ve been thinking about getting my own place… But i’m not sure yet.”

“Perfect day?” It warmed Evan up a bit. “You think spending time with me contributes to your perfect day?” He asks curiously. It had been a while since someone actually wanted to hang out with him. “You should totally get your own place. It’s awesome. But if you ever do need a place to stay, my place is always available for you.” He responded as he followed her to the car. “Of course it does!” Marley nudged him playfully before walking on the other side of the car. She sat on the driver’s seat and put on her GPS. “It does sounds awesome but it does sounds lonely as well.” She admitted. “You’re so sweet, thank you.”

Evan shrugged his shoulders “I mean, i prefer it. I love living alone. It means I can do anything I want, have anyone I want over. Plus, I have Chuck to keep me company. You could also just get a roommate.” He explained “That’s what friends are for, right?” He chuckled softly

“That is true. You can do whatever you want without bothering anyone. I’m close to my mom and I help her a lot so I kind of feel guilty about moving out. It wouldn’t be so bad if I stay in Gradian tho.” Marley explained, starting to drive. Evan gave her a sympathetic smile and placed his hand on her knee for a gentle squeeze. “I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. And if you ever do need space or a place to crash you can stay in my spare room.” Evan realized he didn’t really know Marleys situation and pushing her to move out was selfish of him. All he could do is offer his support.

Marley moved her hand on the top of his, "I've been thinking a lot in the last two years actually. I've always wanted to move to New York City. I would love to be able to be on Broadway someday. I know it's a silly dream." She chuckled and shook her head. "I don't think I will make that big move, not soon anwyay. I don't want to leave my friends and family behind... I guess moving out and staying in town might be the best option."

Evan flipped his hand under hers and intertwined their fingers. “New York is beautiful. I don’t think that’s silly at all.” He brought her hand up to his lips and gave it a comforting kiss. “Don’t feel pressured, you’re still young. You have time.” He nodded before placing their hands back on her knee. “Do what feels best for you, not for anyone else.”

"It really is beautiful. Well from what I've seen in movies at least. I would love to go on vacation someday before I make a big decision like moving there. I know Harley lived there a bit. I might ask her if she wants to go with me and visit the city." Marley have been debating for years for that decision. She wished she could bring everyone she loved with her to New York so that way she would have everything and eveyone she loved at the same place. "I know I have to do what's best for me but family and friends are so important to me. That's what makes it so hard." She sighed. Marley smiled slightly and glanced over at him as he kissed the top of her hand. "Thank you for listening to me rambling." she laughed.

“It’s pretty similar to the movies, although a lot dirtier and it smells kinda funky but that’s kind of what gives it its charm. You have to have bad to appreciate the good and all that.” He nods “I wouldn’t mind tagging along, it’s been a while since I’ve been back in the states.” Evan let out a small sigh and settled into the seat. “Of course, Marls. I’ll always listen.”

"You've been to New York before?" She asked. "You can definitely come with us. We could bring the pups with us as well! I know New York is a dog friendly place. I know there's a lot of dog parks. Maybe when we cannot bring them with us to some places they could go to doggy daycare! They could have fun and socialize." Marley was so thrilled and happy about the thought of going to this vacation. "Oh it would be so much fun. We could also go to a Broadway show! Oh my- that would be amazing!"

Evan nods along with her excitement. It had been a while since he had felt really excited about something and It was refreshing to see someone feel that way. He wished he could feel that way again but lately it had been so difficult for him.  “Sounds like a good time, Marlz.”

"I'm sure we will have the best time over there. I've never really got out of Gradian. I've been to England a few times but that's pretty much it." Marley glanced over at him again. "What are the little things, or big things, that makes you feel happy?" She asked, her thumb stroking the back of his hand. 

“You’ll love the states. I’ve been fortunate enough to be well traveled but I think my favorite place is back home. I miss California.” He shrugs and squeezes her hand. He hated talking about his feelings, he hated admitting how horrible he felt about himself and things around him. “Lately not much.”  He bit his lip and looked away from her, out the window to distract himself from feeling sad.

“I’m sure I will. There’s so many places I would like to visit around the world.” Marley smiled sadly at his words. “I’m sorry you feel that way. We can try to forget about our worries today and just enjoy the day. I think there’s a beach nearby we could hang out there with the pup. “

Evan shook his head and pulled his hand back. “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” He said dryly and grimaced at his own tone of voice. He hated how irritable he could become when he was sobering up and he hated taking it out on others but sometimes he couldn’t control himself. He swallowed and shook out his hands a bit, nervous that he might have upset Marley.

Marley was taken aback by his tone of voice, her hand falling on her lap. "You know, it's okay to not be okay." She said softly. "I will always worry because I care about you. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want you but I will never pressure you to do anything." She tried to reasure him in some way. "You know, most of the time I am not okay as well and I absolutely hate talking about bad things i'm feeling. I try to focus on things that brings me joy and it helps me."

“Yeah, well I’m not you, Marley. I’m not optimistic about my shit show of life. Can we just drop it and get the puppy.” He responded irritably. He took a deep breath and fidgeted with his fingers for a moment as he got his mind together. He really didn’t want to keep snapping at Marley. He didn’t understand why he acted like this. He hated it, he hated himself. “I’m sorry, I’m such a fucking asshole.” He muttered and chewed at his lip as he reached for her hand again.

Marley's heart squeezed a little at his words. She didn't added anything else, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel upset. She stayed silent, trying to let the tension go down a bit. She looked over at him as he spoke again. "No you're not..." Marley squeezed his hand gently. "I'm sorry if I made you upset, I didn't mean to."

Evan felt bad for making Marley feel guilty of something that clearly wasn’t her fault. “No, please don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He squeezed her hand and leaned over to press soft kisses to her shoulder, trying to apologize with his affection.

"Would you like to go to the beach anyway?" She asked. Marley looked over at the gps and smiled widely. "We're here!" She said excitedly. She pulled up in the driveway of this beautiful house, surrounded by fields. "This house is so beautiful. After having my Broadway career, I would love to get a house like this. Where I could raise my kids and have so many animals." She sighed. "You're coming in with me right?" 

Evan nodded “Sure, yeah. Whatever you want to do.” He agreed apologetically with a small small. “I’m sure you’ll have that and more.” Evan was prepared to wait in the car, he didn’t mind it at all. “Oh, if you want me to, I can.” He replied as he took his seatbelt off and got out of the car, stretching his body as he waited for the girl.

“I hope I will.” Marley got out of the car and walked to the other side of it to where Evan was standing. “Come on!” She she grinned and reached out for his hand, pulled him gently towards the house with her. A gasp escaped her lips as the older lady walked out on the porch, holding the baby golden retriever who was wagging her tail. “Look at her!” She let go of this hand to take the puppy carefully into her arms. “Thank you so so so much.” She said to the lady before turning around to face Evan.

Evan followed the girl and stayed back a bit once Marley rushed to the puppy. Evan had to admit how adorable the puppy was and it was nice seeing the girl so excited. He smiled to himself, his smile brightening up as the girl turned to him with the dog. “Look at you. You’re officially a dog mom.” He chuckled softly

Marley was glad to see Evan smile after the conversation they just had. The girl nodded, “I am!” She pressed a kiss on the puppy’s head and stepped closer to the boy so he would be able to pet her if he wanted to. “I can’t believe she’s mine.”

Evan stepped closer and gave the dog a small pet before rubbing Marley’s shoulder a little. “I’m really happy for you. Do you wanna get going now? We still need to stop by the ice cream shop. I can hold her while you say bye to the nice lady.” 

Marley carefully moved the puppy into Evan’s arms. Before walking back to the lady. She made sure she got the transfer of money she made before she left. Marley came back to her friend, holding a starter pack. “She’s so nice. She gave me a small bag of food that she’s eating right now so I can make a transition to new food and I also have a bandana and a toy!” She showed everything to him as she spoke. “Do you think you can drive so I can hold her? If you don’t want or can’t I totally understand.”

Evan held the small fluffy dog in his arms and rocked her gently in his arms. He enjoyed holding the dog but he knew Marley should be the one bonding with her. “That’s awesome, hun.” He nodded as he took the supplies with his free hand and traded the dog off to the girl. “Of course, babe.” He took the keys from her as well and opened the door for her to get into the passenger side qnd closed the door once she was inside. He got back in the car and adjusted the seat for himself. “You ready for ice cream and the beach?”

Marley traded the basket for the dog and hugged her gently into her arm. “Thank you so much.” She kissed his cheek. The girl sat down in the car and reached out on the back seat for the leach and collar and putted it on. “I’m ready. We’re ready!”

Evan knew he was forward with physical affection but it always surprised him when others were physical with him. He blushed lightly at the kiss and turned the car on to get ready to go. It wasn’t long before he found a local ice cream shop and drove them to the beach. They found a nice spot and once there he took his shirt off so the girl could sit on it and not get sandy. “It’s a beautiful day today, Marls.”

Marley felt like she was in a dream. Nothing else mattered at this moment. It was like a weight as been taking off her shoulders. “You’re sweet.” She said when he laid down his shirt for her. Marley sat down and giggled when the puppy started to roll into the sand.  “It really is. I’m very happy you came with me.”

Evan got down to the puppies level in the sand qnd laid next to where she was rolling. He propped himself up on his side and rubbed the dogs belly for a little before she got up to run around on the long leash. Evan rolled onto his back to look up at the girl with a small grin, squinting his eyes at the sun. “I’m glad you wanted me to come. I’m sorry about my mood in the car earlier.” He pouted softly.

Marley couldn’t help but grinned when she looked at him interacting with the dog. The sounds of the waves, puppy and nice company. It was really the perfect day. Marley ran her fingers through his hair, looking down at him. “It’s alright, don’t worry about it.” she reassured him in a soft tone.

Evan sighed softly. “Are you sure?” He asked nervously before closing his eyes. He loved the feeling of her fingers through his hair and he hummed gently as he relaxed under her touch. “You should lay with me, the sun feels really nice.”

“Yes, i’m sure. I understand. Sometimes emotions takes over.” Marley moved to lay down next to him, still holding on to the leach. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun hitting her skin.

Evan nodded and shifted his body once she laid on the sand. He wrapped his arm around her so she could lay on his chest comfortably. He kissed her head and felt small butterflies in his stomach, feeling excited with every touch. It wasn’t long before the puppy had joined the two and nuzzled her way on his chest. “You know I really like you, right?” Evan decided to comment. He wasn’t really one to hide his emotions.

Marley always loved physical contacts so when she felt his arm wrapping around her, she immediately moved closer to him. She looked up at him, her head resting on his chest. “You do?” She was surprised to hear this confession. It was hard for her to think that someone had feelings for her. Simply because she was used to be put into the friend zone. But maybe he meant it just as person.

Evan nodded. “Of course I do. You’re gorgeous and sweet, not to mention a complete babe.” He chuckled softly. His hand caressing her lower back as he held her against his chest.

Marley felt her cheeks burning slightly, “That the first time someone says that to me.” She couldn’t help but chuckled. “You’re saying that but you’ve never seen me at my not so good days.” She said to him. She reached out with her free hand to her puppy and petted her gently.

Evan raised a brow. “I don’t believe that.” He chuckled softly. “Unless all the people you hang with are too scared to say shit.” He continued to rub her back “I’m just saying what I see and what you show people. Everyone has bad days. You know this.” He sits up a bit and lays her down on the sand, hovering over her. He pushed her hair out of her face with a kind smile.

“I guess they are.” She laughed. “I know that… But I meant physically. I’m sick, Ev.” Marley laid on her back and looked up at him, her blue eyes looking into his.

Evan furrowed his brows when she mentioned being physically sick. It made him think of his own issues but he didn’t want to assume anything anymore. “What do you mean?” He asked quietly, wanting to know because he cared. “I have Lupus. It’s an autoimmune disease. Most of the time I’m okay but sometimes I struggles doing little things.” She explained. Marley ran her fingertips up and down his back.

“Oh, marls.” He really wasn’t sure he knew anything about the disease and he felt bad for not knowing. “I’m sorry, honey.” He kisses her forehead. “It’s okay, I’ve learn to live with it.” Her lips curved in a slight smile. “I’m just more difficult to deal with sometimes and not everyone wants to deal with that. I don’t blame them.”

Evan shook his head. “Everyone has things that are difficult to deal with it, Marley.” He shrugged “You can’t let that shit get to you. People who actually care will be there for you.” He caressed her cheek and traced her lips with his fingers. “God, you’re fucking gorgeous.”

“I know- I know…” she sighed. “I’m not but-“ she stopped. “Never mind.” Marley’s eyes not moving away from his face, her lips curved into a small smile. “Thank you.” She whispered.

Evan was confused that she stopped and didn’t finish telling him what was on her mind. “But what? You can tell me. I’m not going to judge you.” He responded, still caressing her skin. He wanted to kiss her so bad but didn’t want to be inappropriate.

Marley shook her head. “It’s nothing really. You’re right, I shouldn’t let this get to me. I just can’t help it sometimes.”

“Marley.” He warned. “Tell me what’s on your mind. Maybe I can help?” He raised a brow “or maybe I’ll have to kiss it out of you.” He teased and kissed her left cheek and then went over and kissed the other before pecking down to her jawline, stopping before he got to her lips. “You wanna tell me now?” He whispered

She laughed softly and moved a hand to the back of his neck. Without adding anything else, Marley closed the gap between them and kissed him gently. Evan kissed back with a small chuckle, not expecting her to initiate the kiss. He pulled back a few moments later with a sly smile. “You little cheater, I’m the one supposed to be kissing you. Now you have to tell me.” He laughed and pecked her lips again before laying on his side next to her.

“I wasn’t important. I was just about to say that yes, people who care about me will be there for me. They are. But dealing with this for a short period of time versus having to deal with it most of the time is not the same.” she explained. “See, it was just more, sort of, complaining.” She chuckled. Marley glanced over at the dog, making sure she was okay and then looked back at him. “Can we not talk about it anymore?” She asked, poking the tip of his nose playfully. 

Evan listened to the girl, feeling bad that she felt that way. But decided not to push further in because she had asked so. “Alright.” He said softly and buried his face in her neck, lining her skin with small kisses. “So did you decide on a name for her?”

Marley grinned and ran her fingers through his hair, tilting her head slightly to the side as she felt his lips on her skin. She loved the attention Evan was giving her. She looked over at the dog again and thought for a bit. "I think I'm gonna name her Skye." Evan wrapped his arm around her waist and laid his head on her shoulder. “Skye’s a pretty name. I think she’ll like it.” He smiled against her skin. He’d been so distracted with Marley and the dog that he hadn’t even thought of Freddie or Milo. It was nice or at least it had been as the thoughts began to creep back. Evan sighed to himself, trying to brush it off so he wouldn’t bother Marley with the annoying thoughts pestering his brain. He just wanted to be high again.

“I think so too.” Marley smiled widely and closed her eyes, enjoying the moment. She laughed softly as she felt the wet nose of Skye brushing against her exposed skin. “You’re tickling me.” Skye waggled her tail and laid down against her. “I was right, it is the perfect day. Puppy, beach and cuddles.” She grinned.

[sanderssideswriting]

Youtuber Life Chapter 4

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

triggers: attempted suicide mention

first  last  next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

“Welcome back to another episode of “the fuck did she say now? I have a DID drama update. I’ve been waiting awhile to gather information to do a long segment. Since she first came out about having DID which has been disproven time and time again she’s tried to make it more believable in the stupidest way possible. By reviewing Chick-Fil-A’s spicy chicken sandwich, five fucking times. I watched all those videos plus others to see if she’s trying to keep up the lie. She’s really not. I swear every time I have to give her my views to tell you all what’s going on I die a little inside.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“DAD! Read the fucking sign! I���m recording!”

“Are you talking about Trisha?”

“Yes dad, now let me tell them about her.”

“She’s a total bitch! I fucking hate her!”

“WE KNOW! Damn it, now I’m going to have to edit all this out.”

“I’ve been looking into DID. And it’s actually a very interesting topic, and I encourage everyone to learn more about it. There will be links to videos and article on DID in the description. DisociaDID has not been on social media very much since all of this. I know they attempted suicide. Not because of Trisha or atleast only partly. Nin the systems host was dating someone in another system called Team Piñata who was discovered to be doing some shit I will not mention because it’ll get demonetized. I actually feel really bad for they system, it seems like they have been going through a lot recently. Now for all the OTHER shit Trisha has said and done over the past few weeks.”

Virgil edited the video and posted it, making sure to edit out the bit where his dad interrupted him and called Trisha a bitch.

Roman texted him.

Roman: You’re a meme Virgil: I’m well aware, fucking Jake Paul Roman: I thought you hated the guy, why are you fucking him? Virgil: I’m so fucking done with you

“VIRGIL!”

Virgil rolled his eyes “What?”

“I have in idea for a video get your ass down here!”

Remy was in front of the camera “K, so what if I mixed all of my eyeshadow together into one?”

“First of all Cristine did that with nail powder and polish and Safiya did that already in one of her weird make up science videos. Second, scraping the eyeshadow would kill you to watch.”

“UGH! You’re right, what else could I do?”

“A Bob Ross painting on your face. you could use only drug store products for something,”

“Bob Ross painting with drugstore shit!”

Virgil shrugged “yeah sure, you could also get lip gloss mix it together and try to make something really fucking weird, or do that with gel polish”

“I refuse to touch lip gloss, it’s fucking gross.”

“Bob ross painting not on your faces with lip gloss and other lipsticks.”

Remy nodded “thanks Virgil, you’re helping my buy it later.”

“No, people at school could see me, you can order it,”

“that’s less fun though,”

Virgil rolled his eyes “fine dad, I just need to make sure that no one can recognize me.”

He was ready pretty fast, with a light brown wig and blue contacts he also had close that where black and purple reserved for the occasion.

“Hello everyone! We are in the car today at our local Walgreens because we’re going to be buying lipstick, lip gloss and lip liner to make a Bob Ross painting!” 

“Not on your face.”

“Not on my face, fuck lip gloss.”

“I wasn’t aware that was a kink or whatever.”

Remy glared at Virgil “smartass, you can walk home.”

“Gladly, I’ll be laughing when I see you trying to film and carry everything and talk and pay the cashier. You’ll be a meme.”

“You already got memed once this week, I’ll meme you myself if I have to. Or I could turn you into an E-Girl, you did lose that bet.”

“I absolutely despise you,”

Remy laughed “no you don’t.”

“I really do, and you can’t make me e an e-girl.”

“No, but the people can, there’ll be a poll right here, vote should my intern be an e-girl for the day?”

Virgil groaned “times like these make me wish I was aborted.”

Remy laughed.

The rest of the video went ok and no one recognized Virgil.

Raccoon: I hate life Dukey: I saw, I voted yes, you’d make a wonderful e-girl hiss hiss motherfucker: so did I, suffer bitch Raccoon: you’re both traitors  hiss hiss motherfucker: at least we’re not going to be an e-girl

Virgil was pissed the whole week. “What’s up with you Dr. Gloom?” Roman asked.

“Made a bet with Remus, and lost, I’m going to commit toaster bath.”

Roman made a face “why would you make a bet with my brother? nothing good comes out of it.”

“I thought I’d win, turns out he’s totally willing to eat deodorant if it means I’ll have to dress like an e-girl for a day and make a tiktok.”

Roman laughed “I cannot wait to see you dressed as an e-girl.”

“I can, I’ll be locking myself in my room all day.”

“I’m surprised Remus didn’t say you’d have to walk around in public like that.”

“He did, but he can’t see me, so I’ll be in my room.”

Remy was in front of the camera. “Time for you to become an e-girl!”

“I’d like to say a very special fuck you to everyone who voted yes and that after this I’m going to commit toaster bath,”

“It’s one day, you’ll be fine.”

“One day in my room with the door locked and curtains closed.”

Remy laughed “oh no gurl, you’ll be going out, I suggest you make plans.”

“WHAT? That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“I thought it would go without saying you’d have to go outside.”

Virgil just glared, happy his face wasn’t in frame.

The makeover took well over an hour. when it was over he looked almost unrecognizable, thankfully.

Virgil: Hey, anyone want to hang out, my dad’s kicking me out of the house for the day says I need to be “social” whatever the means Princey: So you do need to go out as an e-girl Virgil: unfortunately, anyone free? Logan: I have to study and Patton is out at the animal shelter volunteering, Roman? Princey: I’m free, meet you at the mall? Virgil: Sure

“Dad! I’m going to hang out with Roman see you later.”

“Have fun on your date!”

“dad! It’s not a date!” He slammed the door and left.

Virgil waited in a café for Roman. He got an iced coffee as always.

Someone shoved him while he was waiting in line.

“What are you? A boy or a girl make up your mind,”

Virgil didn’t look up from his phone “gender is a spectrum and gender norms are fake and I refuse to give into toxic musicality and if you have a problem with that you can leave because I already ordered and payed for my drink and am not leaving until I get it.”

“You can’t change your chromosomes, it’.” the guy said in a feeble attempt to get back at Virgil. basic biology

“How about you stop relying on basic biology and come back when you can argue the same statement with complex biology. If you really knew anything about biology more then the basics you’d know that scientifically there are at least three genders according to chromosomes. Male, female and intersex, and that once again biology isn’t fucking basic otherwise everyone would be a biologist. I can wear a skirt if I want to.”

He grabbed his coffee and left, Roman had arrived a few minutes prior.

“Damn emo nightmare I didn’t think you’d go all out on the E-girl look.”

Virgil shrugged “go big or go home, and I was kicked out for the day so I had to go big. Dad said I needed to go outside. For some reason, no idea why. I mean last time I left the house of my own free will not for school was only six months ago.”

Roman looked at him in doubt “I’m pretty sure you’ve been outside of your own free will sooner then six months ago.”

“Outside? Yes, of my own free will? not so much. Oooh hot tpic.”

Roman laughed.

“Shut up princey, they have cool stuff, including gay stuff.”

Roman shrugged “could be gayer.”

“You’ve been in hot topic?”

Roman shrugged “a few times with Remus, he makes me go, bribing me with Disney.”

Virgil smirked “why am I not surprised you can be bribed with Disney?”

He started looking around at My Chemical Romance t-shirts and other things. He also grabbed some purple hair dye.

“Where to next princey?”

Roman shrugged “Game stop?”

“Sure,”

They hung out at the mall for awhile longer before guess what another youtuber came.

It was Safiya doing a weird makeup science vlog.

“Virgil, planning on becoming a meme again?”

Virgil rolled his eyes “no, besides Safiya’s cool, I like her make up science videos. I just hate vloggers who do shitty content and make to much money through it.”

They left shortly after going their separate ways.

“How was your date?” Remy called from the basement.

“Not a date! You made me get out the house!”

“Come down here and finish filming!”

“So, how was your day of being an e-girl?”

“Got harassed about my gender and whatnot, I fucking destroyed the idiot, that was fun.”

“And who did you hang out with?”

“I told you and again, it wasn’t a date, everyone else was busy.”

Remy looked towards the camera in doubt.

“Well I’m never doing this again, I’m going to go change.”

The video went viral when it was posted several days later.

I saw a kid at the mall dressed like an e-girl a few days ago. They got harrassed at the Starbucks.

[crystallos-sol]

The 3K event

Okay so here I am making a massive 3K analysis again. I wanted to do one of Gray Fullbuster because he's a character I relate to the most and he's definitely one of the more complex characters. The rest is under the cut, be warned its long & you might not agree with some things but its a fact of life to not agree with everything. 

To make it easier on my poor hands I am going to divide this up by arc! I will list the arc at the top starting from the beginning of the story. It will be two paragraphs of his behavior for each arc! 

Maco Arc: 

Gray here first appears nude, fighting and asking Lucy for her underwear because he lost his. That is mostly the extent of his appearance during that arc. Analyzing that small moment we can conclude: He has a nude problem, He has a temper, Him and Natsu don’t get along very well. We can also conclude or make an educated guess based on the fact that he is nude and asks Lucy for her underwear: He is a pervert or has those types of intentions. 

We also have only just met him during that arc. So there isn’t going to be a lot of information about him at first. Looking at his behavior, he is certainly interesting and seems to almost be brash. There is something about him that does say he has a brain under his head of emo hair. 

Daybreak arc: 

This arc focuses on Natsu and Lucy and Happy. 

Lullaby arc: 

This is where we learn alot about Gray. His interaction with Natsu before Erza shows up says that they are in some type of friendship. It is clear that they can stop fighting one another but it appears they just want to fight one another. We definitely learn Gray is a humorous character based off of his reactions throughout the arc. His behavior suggests he is scared of Erza and gets along with Natsu when he needs to. Gray also seems to be more on the calm side of things unless he gets mad. Gray doesn't show that much emotion within his face when calm. 

Gray seems to show his feelings and thoughts through actions. He also has some weird behavior and even strips off his clothing. He is a quick thinker when it counts and during the train station section of the arc, we see that he is strong in his own right. That idea is reinforced by the speed and strength of his ice magic during the battle with Lullaby. Based on all of this we can conclude that Gray is on Natsu’s level of power, He is strong and emotional in a way most people aren't. He has a stripping habit based on how when serious and on the magic car he stripped off his top. 

Galuna Island Arc: 

Here we learn so much about Gray. The paragraphs will be larger so please be prepared to read that. 

Gray is clearly traumatized and doesn’t react normally because of it, Before Erza arrives to take them back to the Guild he is calm and collected. This suggests that it is a facade or only one part of him. Gray also has a tendency to ignore the pain he is in or twist it around. Gray is shown to have been the sole survivor of his village and having lost his parents to Delliora, a demon from the books of Zeref. This makes his actions against Lullaby who is also a demon from the books of Zeref seen in an entirely different light than before. Gray is faced with his adoptive brother who is destroying the ice that is his mentor or mother figure to get to Delliora. Gray clearly believes what happened that day was his fault. 

Gray also irrationally thinks that Delliora who has been sealed away under lost magic is alive. This is shown when he tries to commit suicide to end Delliora. Surprisingly enough it is Natsu Dragneel or his rival that saves him and fights against Delliora. This moment is such a huge action. Here is really where they become even closer on Gray’s end of things. For him Natsu just destroyed the monster that took everything from him, the very thing he likely had nightmares about for years. The same event he cant process correctly because he is so emotionally vulnerable and traumatized is ended by his rival. Gray was actually set free at that moment. Afterwards there is an air of Gray that he didn’t have before. He seems almost relaxed but not sure what to do about it. Gray cannot believe he's finally free and he is also still processing that Natsu Dragneel was the one who put himself between Gray and the nightmare of his entire life. 

To Gray his whole life just changed. Not only was his master set free finally but his friend saved him from self destruction. Looking at that attempted suicide it puts Gray and his character in a new light. It is clear he loves Fairy Tail and would do anything for his guild. It is purely the most drastic change in a character because he had everyone fooled. This is the first analysis of him: 

Analyzing that small moment we can conclude: He has a nude problem, He has a temper, Him and Natsu don’t get along very well. We can also conclude or make an educated guess based on the fact that he is nude and asks Lucy for her underwear: He is a pervert or has those types of intentions. 

Gray wore a mask and he had everyone fooled. Even the viewer/reader. 

Phantom Lord Arc: 

Here Gray is lighter. His character seems at peace until he sees the ruined guild hall. Almost all of his hurt and agony is thrown out the window in favor of his family. During the moments leading up to the fight Gray is stressed and angry. Like the rest of Fairy Tail he is mad. During the battles Gray doesn't hesitate. However the most outstanding moment that showed his actual character was when he stopped Juvia from dying. When he accidentally grabbed her chest during an attack and immediately backed off. Not getting into Juvia's character at all here however her reactions to those events influenced Gray’s own reaction. He wasn’t rude and didn’t attack her after the fight. He let her lay there and even smiled at her because Gray despite the mask he wore has the biggest heart in Fairy Tail. 

Loke Arc: 

This arc shows us a relaxed and genuinely worried Gray. He knows something is wrong with Loke during this arc, and like a friend is concerned about him. The two are painted to be friends and they both clearly have a history together based on the way Gray is worried. Gray isn’t exactly appearing in this arc a lot so sadly that's it.  

Tower Of Heaven: 

This mostly focuses on Erza but it does showcase that Gray despite being scared of her genuinely cares about her. It also shows again that Gray is awkward and doesn't exactly know what to do when his friends are upset. He cares about them but he hasn't figured out how to approach it or handle it, 

Battle of Fairy Tail: 

There isn't really anything that can be said about this that I haven't already said. 

Oracion Seis arc: 

Gray instantly is concerned about Wendy and wants to help her. He also automatically considers her a friend. Gray when fighting against them is clearly upset about them trying to destroy Wendy’s guild. He is mad and saddened like he is when Fairy Tail is facing a conflict. Once again showing Gray is more emotional than people give him credit for. He also backs and approves of Erza’s decision to allow Wendy to join Fairy Tail. It is clear Gray wasn’t about to let her wonder off without knowing if she would be okay first. 

Daphne Arc: 

I have said it before and I will say it again, there is no way Gray “ I care about my family “ Fullbuster would ever do anything like he supposedly did in that horribly written episode. I can admit that some points of Fairy Tails plot is stupid and or badly written but I don’t understand how it managed to embody a cringey fan fic from the early 200s that is in first person pov and has only 700 words and multiple chapters with no spaces. 

Edolas Arc: 

Gray is again upset about mistreatment and that his guild is being harmed. He also is once again showing his thinking side when he goes along with the plan Natsu, Erza and Him come up with to save their friends. He is worried about his guild mates fighting the King, but of course is relieved when they all come back alive and just a little banged up. 

Tenrou Island Arc & X791 Arc: 

Gray is deathly protective of his guild and it didn’t go over well when Ultear hurt Juvia. Now during this Arc Gray is targeted by Ultear because she believes he killed her mother and took her away from her. She intends on murdering Gray for it. He however is emotional about it because Ultear is UI’s bloodline. Both Gray and UI had no clue that she is alive and they certainly if aware of it would have torn that organization to shreds to reach her. Gray when faced with a monster coming to destroy them is more concerned about his family than the impending doom. He does like the rest of the guild stares death right in the eye without a hint of fear. 

As any Fairy Tail member knows they are all together and they are never once going to go through something alone here. In the end when woken up by members of his guild he is happy to still be able to interact with his friends and family. 

Key Of The Starry Sky Arc: 

This arc mostly focuses on Lucy and the relationships of her family. There are however moments where other members of Fairy Tail have their own relationships with her explored. With Gray he is worried about her and doesn't want to lose his teammate and friend. Their relationship however is shown slightly from Gray's actions when fighting and doing his best to prevent her death. He doesn’t exactly have a relationship with her outside of friendship however that doesn't mean Gray can’t view her as an important part of his life like he does with the rest of his guild. 

Grand Magic Games:

Gray's love for fighting is definitely shown here. He is also downright cheerful during the games at points. But he still is angry when his guild is targeted and when his guild mates are hurt. Gray does seem to have his head on straight during his fights, even cheering for his brother and telling him to essentially stop being stupid. Gray does get concerned about Gajeel and the Dragon corpses purely because he cares about his friends and also because he doesn't know if he feels so happy knowing dragons got pitted against one another here. He has been accused of murdering Frosch by Future Rogue who comes back through the gate. However it is believed he is lying because when Gray meets Frosch he thinks the excess is adorable and instantly wants to befriend them. 

However an extreme point to know is that Gray dies for a period of time. Shoving Juvia and Meredy out of the way of a magic attack he got hit multiple times. The final shot was right through his head. Gray was however saved by Ultear who sacrificed her own life to turn back time. He has expressed no memory of this happening but says he has a blank spot in his memories he isn't sure about. 

Eclipse celestial spirit arc: 

Here Gray goes to fight Cancer and return him back to normal for Lucy. We also learn that Gray can’t dance well but since he was put on the spot he threw a routine together for his friends sake. He is also relieved when his friend Like or Leo is returned back to normal. 

Sun village arc: 

Gray is faced with the obseratady of being turned back into a child. It is also revealed that Gray can make ice disappear. He cant make the Ice that is covering the village go away without some effort. After they get the flame back to its strength he is shown confused about the ice around them. He can also safely cool others down with his magic. It really shows how much he has improved. 

Tartaros arc: 

Gray finds his dead father. Even though he receives a gift from his father it clearly doesn't change the pain he is in because of the loss. He is really shutting down at the fact that he lost his father twice. Gray however handles his grief differently than another character. He knew from the moment he saw his dad that he was dead. Gray looked at him and saw that without a problem. The problem here is that Grays has a knack for looking at things as his fault. He views this event has something he caused. No other character twists their pain and grief so badly. Gray knew his father was dead from the beginning. He already lost him, it's not that the second time didn't hurt just as badly it's that Gray could have prevented this. In his head he could have had his father back in his life. To Gray he failed and wasn't strong enough to save his father. 

Avatar arc: 

Gray is lost here. His guild, his constant in his life is gone. He has lost that contact with them. Gray clings to the part of his family that is with him. Erza scarlet. Now during the arc he had to renounce Fairy Tail and play a dark persona that isn't him for almost a year. For almost an entire year Gray was a monster he created. A monster he created for Erza, for this mission he threw himself into. He went through a massive transformation and Gray while parts of himself are still there has changed. His world view has been altered and Gray now knows that not even Fairy Tail is going to be his constant. I have written about this on my Ao3 Littledanceingdragons it is under the title: Undercover. I am not going to link it here check the notes since Tumblr shadowbans any post with links. 

When Fairy Tail is brought back Gray is back to his normal self and even looks relieved because his family came back for him. 

Alvarez empire arc: 

This arc caused Gray so much pain. I am not going to cover the Juvia & Gray scene fully, mostly because that scene was so horribly written for a core plot moment it felt so forced and out of character. 

That being said I am going to talk about how Gray would rather die than hurt a guildmate. Now this is purely because I think Gray has been pushed to his limit. He lost his father, fought demons, lost his family, transformed into a dark persona for a mission. At this point Gray at his lowest develops irrational thinking and suicidal thoughts and actions. It is crucial to remember the past for this so here are they key points of multiple paragraphs: 

Gray also has a tendency to ignore the pain he is in or twist it around. Gray is shown to have been the sole survivor of his village and having lost his parents to Delliora, a demon from the books of Zeref. This makes his actions against Lullaby who is also a demon from the books of Zeref seen in an entirely different light than before. Gray is faced with his adoptive brother who is destroying the ice that is his mentor or mother figure to get to Delliora. Gray clearly believes what happened that day was his fault. 

However an extreme point to know is that Gray dies for a period of time. Shoving Juvia and Meredy out of the way of a magic attack he got hit multiple times. The final shot was right through his head. Gray was however saved by Ultear who sacrificed her own life to turn back time. 

 He however is emotional about it because Ultear is UI’s bloodline. 

He is mad and saddened like he is when Fairy Tail is facing a conflict. Once again showing Gray is more emotional than people give him credit for. 

Gray here at that point has lost it. Thinking back on those episodes it makes sense for Gray to snap at some point. He has merely done it now, when in a war, after believing one of his guildmates died. Logically that makes sense and it is understandable. Getting to Natsu vs Gray fight. Ignoring that it doesn't make sense for the cause for Gray or the cause Canon says is what happened. The fight between them was more than out of character. Mainly for a point that Natsu has addressed before the war: 

Fighting when your friends are on the line isn't fun. 

Yes, they fight one another constantly. However it is really more accurate to say: Spar. It is described as this: 

If you spar with someone, you exchange light blows — either literally by punching each other, or figuratively by exchanging verbal blows. If you box, you might spar with an opponent at the gym while you're training. You don't strike too hard — it's just practice.

Or in other words, it's not serious. Gray and Natsu aren't trying to kill each other. The only reason it is mentioned is because Gray is clearly in a bad place there. He is having a breakdown. I also direct your attention to the fact that Gray tried to kill himself because he felt like shit over it. 

 You all know the scene.

[maddiesup]

Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

[anti-pasto]

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon: 

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

 197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

 193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of 

191: My 1st car was:  94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

 189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4  xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

 182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

 181: On my calendar:  i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

 180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

 179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can. 

 177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

 173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

 [ I Believe In ] 

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

 166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

 164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

 161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

 [ This or That ]

 154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

 151: Red heads or Black haired:  irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

 143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

 140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

 137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

 131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

 128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what 

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

 122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already 

 121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

 120: Gay Marriage:  be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

 118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

 115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy. 

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

 112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

 107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition. 

 105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

 [ Last time I ] 

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

 102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

 97: Swam in a pool: last week

 96: Changed a diaper: never

 95: Got my nails done: never

 94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

 92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

 [ MISC ] 

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

 85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

 84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here. 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

 81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band? 

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

 76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

 71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

 69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

 68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

 66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

 65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

 63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

 62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

 59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

 58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

 55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well. 

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

 50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

 48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

 47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

 41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

 [ My Favorites ] 

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

 35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

 33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

 28: Band: fall out boy 

 27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

 26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man 

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

 23: Website: tumblr or youtube

 22: Animal: snow leopard 

 21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

 15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience 

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

 12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

 10: Restaurant: chiplote

 9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

 4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

 3: Comedian: john maulaney

 2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

[petersmoan]

Fluorescents

Pairing: Quentin Beck/Peter Parker TW: Depression, mentions of self-harm, eating disorder Read on AO3: here

---

His back was wet from sweat, his pyjamas stuck to his hot skin. When he woke up, for a brief moment he thought he peed himself right in their king sized bed. But it was just sweat, on his back, face, in his hair and between his legs. One of the worst nightmares from the past few months came back to haunt him, to wake him up with a heartburn and make it difficult to breathe. He struggled to take a deep breath for a few seconds and it made him panic. It made his partner wake up as well and get to him as soon as possible.

“What- What’s wrong?! Peter?!” Quentin grabbed him so he could stop shaking like crazy; in fact, Peter almost fell off the mattress. “Calm down. Breathe, please.”

Peter held onto his partner like he was about to lose him forever. Like he was about to lose Tony. He didn’t want to lose Quentin too, ever. He breathed in his scent as much as he could at that moment and when he felt he was really there, he was alive and with him and wasn’t going anywhere, Peter exhaled.

“Easy there, Peter. It’s alright. Just a bad dream.”

Every time after Peter calmed down, there was a waterfall of tears coming right up. Sometimes it was out of pure sadness and depression, sometimes it was because Peter was frustrated. Tired, frustrated and fed up with constant nightmares haunting him from time to time, exhausting his body and mind. How was he supposed to get healthy if he kept having these dreams and draining attacks?

Then he was reminded exactly how. It was so simple, yet so difficult to understand how did it all work. Quentin hugged him from behind, when Peter was sitting at the edge of their bed, sobbing. He was the one who helped Peter start feeling things again, giving a damn about anything and just trying.

Quentin got up and went to the kitchen. Peter learned not to panic every time he left for a moment. He was given a glass of water, took a big sip and breathed out again.

“Drink it now, Pete. You’re dehydrated.”

Peter nodded and politely drank it all. He didn’t feel like his body lacked any water, but he listened to Quentin because he was worried. He was always worried. He has been worried since they first met and Peter spilled his guts. A depressed and devastated man in grief did not care about keeping secrets. Quentin found out about his identity and challenges he had had to face already.

Lying on the bed, Peter was remembering their first session ever. He remembered aunt May talking to Dr. Beck on the phone in the living room, standing in front of the window, while Peter was sitting on the couch, his knees under his chin, hugging his legs and looking awkwardly at her. At that moment he hated Dr. Beck, he hated the fact he needed to talk to him and tell him his aunt can’t stand him anymore.

He went to Beck’s office dressed in his pyjamas, since he barely got out of bed that morning. Beck greeted him, refusing to smirk at his patient’s pink Hello Kitty pants. Peter was obviously not in the mood.

“Please sit down. You’ve got water and napkins here just in case, feel free to use.”

They were sitting across each other; Peter seemingly exhausted, didn’t even have the energy to look uncomfortable. He would fall asleep right here and right now if he could. Quentin on the other hand, was focused. He was looking at Peter, slightly frowning, analyzing his body language. It was after 10-ish minutes when he started.

“So, Mr. Parker. Or shall I call you by your name?”

“Peter” the boy nodded slowly, staring at his thighs, “Peter’s fine.”

“Okay, Peter” Quentin’s voice was smooth and calm. Peter noticed it was relaxing just listening to the man. “I want you to tell me how do you feel right now. No i’m fines or i’m terribles. Elaborate. Use different words than when you talk to your aunt.”

Peter’s eyes welled up with tears. He knew he was going to sound like a childish emo, but in this case his words had so much more meaning.

“You will never understand any of it, Mr. Beck.”

“Just try me. I like challenges.” Quentin smiled in encouragement, which Peter saw because he lifted his gaze for a moment.

“For the record, I’m not schizophrenic. I don’t have hallucinations. I… I actually wish I did. I wish it weren’t true, what happened.”

Quentin just nodded. Didn’t say a word. “I’m not here to judge you, Peter. You probably heard that a lot. And I am going to believe you. You seem like a reasonable kid.”

Peter took a deep breath and exposed his watch wrapped along his wrist to Quentin. He hadn’t taken it off since the last time he went to class and got a panic attack.

He simply let the spider web from the watch grab a glass of water settled on a desk near the doctor. Beck’s face was in fact priceless – he frowned, his eyes bigger than ever, trying so hard not to look… shocked.

“I am, what they call me, Spider-man, sir” he let go of the glass and hid his wrist under the sleeve. “I installed a tiny web machine, to keep it simple, in this watch, and I forgot to take it off a couple of weeks ago. Thought it might be useful now.”

He waited for a moment; Quentin didn’t say a word. His gaze remained surprised and unprepared.

“I have been dead for five years. I came back, and right after that I am responsible for Tony Stark’s death. I feel guilty.”

These were only two things that made Peter a wreck over the few months. Quentin knew that, and was willing to ask for more. He knew he was stepping on a thin ice there.

“Was your contribution to Mr. Stark’s death firsthand?”

Peter frowned, still not looking at Quentin. “Like… did I just go and kill him? With my own hands?”

“Yes.”

The boy shook his head. “I, uh… I did not… He… He saved the universe. It… It consumed him. The power he used.”

“Were you able to help him in any way, to stop this? To save the universe and his life?”

“N-no, I… He saved our lives, all of us, and then he already… he was… he was dying. Right in front of me” Peter’s eyes finally fell on Quentin. Tears streamed down his cheeks as they did. “Right in front me, sir. I couldn’t do anything.”

This memory hit him like a thunder in the middle of a cozy night. He thought about their first meeting because he wanted to feel better, but it did the exact opposite at first.

Peter was a very broken and lost person, and Quentin knew that. Later on at the meeting Peter’s eyes were dripping with tears basically all the time he was speaking.

“Aunt May sent me here to get better. I don’t think I ever will, so please, sir, give me one good reason to believe I’m getting better when it happens.”

He wiped his face with another napkin and took a sip of water. Quentin didn’t say a word, just listened – he saw the boy wanted to spill more of his guts at that moment. “I keep starving myself for some kind of punishment. I cannot sleep because I’m feeling hungry and guilty”, another sip, another napkin, this time to blow his nose. “My weight keeps fluctuating and I can’t remember the last time I slept through a night without the need to just shed my blood. Just like Tony did.” A longer pause after, he finished, “I’m so sick of feeling alone. No one seems to understand that pain.”

It always triggered him, recalling those words he spit in the office. Then he remembered Quentin’s last words when he was leaving the office after two hours of spilling his guts and listening to the man.

“Peter?” Quentin stopped the boy right before he left, “You’re no longer alone in your tragedy. I believe you. Tony was arrogant, but he would be proud.”

It was the first hint he ever got that Quentin knew Tony personally. It wasn’t a good hint, Peter would admit later, because everyone knew Tony was arrogant. He remembered the framed picture of him and Tony, both in expensive suits, shaking hands as the symbol of agreeing to sell Quentin’s work to Tony. They were both smiling; Peter could tell Tony’s smile was genuine. Quentin’s on the other hand, was… sad.

It was his first time at Quentin’s apartment. They were still having sessions, of course, but one day he just invited Peter for dinner, since they had a lot in common besides the therapy. Peter dressed casually, this time not in pyjamas though. When he arrived, instead of shaking hands as a greeting, they hugged. The hug was longer than the usual ones. It wasn’t the first time Peter hugged him; oh god how safe did he feel in Quentin’s strong arms.

“Feel free to explore, I’ll look at the food.” So he did explore. He went to his bedroom and seeing a king sized bed placed near the windows made him imagine how comfortable it must be to sleep there with Quentin.

He quickly got rid of this feeling and started analyzing pictures on the wall above his desk. Next to the huge The Beatles poster there was a high quality photo with Quentin holding a hand with a man. This man was Tony Stark. Peter’s eyes turned big, he leaned closer to check if his vision was correct. Indeed, he wasn’t mistaken.

Quentin knew Tony. They were probably close, coworkers, colleagues even. He knew Tony and was probably as hurt because of his death as Peter, and yet he listened to him without a word, without a bit of grief or any personal feelings. Peter started admiring him even more. He needed to talk to him as soon as possible.

The smell of food hit Peter’s nose when he entered the living room with kitchenette. There he was standing, with his back turned to Peter. The boy approached him and grabbed his forearm, making Quentin look at him immediately. Peter’s eyes were big and shiny; he almost started crying.

“Y-you knew him… You knew him all along… and didn’t even…” when the words escaped his mouth, it was much harder for Peter to stay calm. He wasn’t mad, obviously. He was shocked and all the grief has hit him again.

“Oh, you saw the… the pictures” Quentin turned off the cooker and faced him. “Are you mad?”

“No, of course I’m not, Mr. Beck, I… I’m surprised. And impressed as well, since he was your acquaintance, you must have mourned… I mean...”

“We weren’t exactly, you know, friends. I, uh… I’ll tell you everything in a minute, okay?”

Quentin turned into an awkward mess instantly. Peter offered his help with the food, so he could hear him out as soon as possible. It was truly stressing him out; they sat across each other at the table, both wanting this awkward situation to end.

“I’m sorry Peter, I... I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I decided against telling you about this, because I didn’t want you to be afraid of telling me anything. I needed to keep it professional.”

“I’m not mad, Mr. Beck-”

“Quentin.”

Peter sighed a little, “Quentin. I’m not mad, really. I get it. I’m just... I don’t know, amazed. I didn’t see that coming.”

Although he did start eating, it was a very slow process. Quentin noticed the urge to ask him everything about their history, and the most important thing – did he know from the start about the kid? The new Avenger?

“When you first came to me, Peter, I didn’t know. You were just another kid named Peter in my timetable. But when you used your watch...” he paused, took a sip of tea and continued, “I understood. You were the Spider kid he would always talk about. The next Tony Stark. Once in a bar he told me about that web watch you invented, so I did quick math. I already knew why you came here, why you looked and acted like you did. But I couldn’t spill anything, it would make everything just more difficult.”

Peter was speechless. When he didn’t know what to do, he’d usually check his phone or drink his water, but this time he drank the whole tea down and started crying. He covered his mouth with one hand, the other resting on the table. Quentin gently grabbed it and squeezed.

“Hey. If you want to go home or anything, that’s okay-”

“No, no no no no, I don’t want to go home. I want to be with you” Peter shook his head and poorly wiped his tears. “I’m fine. Just a little crisis, but I’m fine.”

He gave Quentin a reassuring smile and continued eating. “You said you weren’t... friends. Were you enemies, then..?”

Quentin sighed, “No, it’s not like that. I worked for him for years. We developed some kind of relation, but I know he wouldn’t, like, die for me. And it kind of hurt, because there were times when I would die for him.”

Peter realized his therapist just confessed about his feelings for Tony Stark. The shock he felt has grown even bigger, his eyes wide open again.

“Oh... I... Did he... Did he know?” Quentin snorted, “No, he did not. He was all about Pepper. And I was fine with that. I didn’t expect anything from him, ever.”

The sadness in his voice could be heard from a mile. Peter felt it in his bones. He felt extremely sorry for Quentin. Though now he would be as devastated as Peter was; actually he was lucky it wasn’t his lover who died, just an acquaintance.

“So... how did you end up on that photo, shaking hands with him?”

“He convinced me to sell my project to him, so I could focus just on my PhD in neuropsychology. I really wanted to improve myself, so he won. I’m not saying he made me, but you could tell he would do anything for my project. Though he then named it B.A.R.F.”

Peter knew about that project, he was told about it by Tony many times. It was bizarre, to finally find out about his therapist’s relations with his biggest inspiration and father-like authority.

They finished dinner and washed the dishes together, still chatting about this whole Stark situation. Peter found out he was on Tony’s mouth most of the time, if they weren’t talking about work or every day stuff. It warmed his heart, but the pain stung a little as well.

Remembering this visit stung a little too, because Peter was sensitive and always felt like crying when thinking about how far he has come with his therapy and with getting his life back. He was standing in their bathroom now, looking at his pale face in the mirror, Quentin approaching him from behind after a while.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Good” Peter answered hesitantly, “I’m revisiting some memories to calm myself down.”

“Oh. Any special examples?”

Peter turned around to face him and gently grabbed Quentin’s shoulders, looking him in the eyes, “Remember when you invited me over for a dinner? And I saw the pictures.”

“Yeah. I do” the man grinned at the memory, placing his hands on Peter’s hips and pulled him closer.

“I... I actually cried the whole evening after I came home”, and there Quentin’s smile was gone, “Though it wasn’t sadness. It was some kind of... Relief. Like I actually felt I’m going to be okay. Like I’m really not alone anymore, because you are with me. I think that was the first time the thought of being in love with you came to my mind.”

Quentin felt like he had on their first date. This time he didn’t act shyly or reassure his every movement – they both have already learned their boundaries and ways to show affection. He leaned closer and kissed Peter, hugging him, his muscles relaxed and his mind clear. Beard brushing against Peter’s soft skin, it reminded him of their first time in bed, when he could feel this beard everywhere on his body, face, neck, chest, between his legs. He remembered how much noise they made, and how the bed creaked underneath them.

“Have you done this before?”

Nervously Peter ran his hand through his hair, leaning against the kitchen counter during one of their first sleepovers at Quentin. Aunt May didn’t have any problem with their growing relationship, she was happy Peter finally started to feel alive. To act alive.

“Uh, no. I mean, I used some toys on myself back in the day, but… I lost interest after the blip.”

“It all depends on you, Pete. If you want to do it with me tonight, great. If not, well, also great. I’m going to be there for you while you prepare yourself.”

“Thank you, Quentin” Peter felt his body tense, then relax again. He was really nervous, and very thirsty for Quentin at the same time. “I… I don’t know…”

Quentin chuckled softly and decided to help him, “Do you need my opinion?”

Peter usually needed his opinion on everything. “Yeah, please.”

“So in my honest opinion, you should relax and think clearly of it. Nervousness is always there, it doesn’t matter if you want to have sex or not. It doesn’t show how much you’re ready” he took a sip of water from the bottle near him, “You should shake this feeling of concern and then decide, do you feel like doing it today or wait and prepare yourself better.”

God damn, he was so smart. It immediately turned Peter on even more.

“I… I wanna do it. I want to do it with you, now.” His words were sure, his tone solid and decisive.

The contrast between the normal Quentin and the Quentin in bedroom was incredible. He took a few steps towards Peter until he was just a few inches in front of him, staring down at the boy, completely in control. He caressed his cheek and asked quietly, “Can I take you to my bed then?”

Peter closed his eyes and nodded. Quentin’s voice sent shivers down his spine. He wanted him for so long. He wanted him in every way possible, and now he could make this dream come true.

“Yes, please” he whispered, his hungry eyes never leaving Quentin’s.

When his back touched the sheets on the bed, the man took his shirt off and laid all his weight on Peter’s body; a couple of kisses later they were both naked, Quentin asking Peter for permission to touch him here and there, always reassuring Peter’s going to like what they’re about to do and he’s in good hands, he’s safe.

Indeed, Peter felt comfortable and safe while being held by Quentin, he focused all his senses on the pleasure he was given and on his partner, the sounds he made, his touch and words during sex. When he asked Quentin to do it harder, to move faster, he asked “Are you sure?” and it made the boy smile to himself. “I’m very sure, Quentin, please, just do it” he responded.

Sloppy kisses and caressing each other’s bodies were things Peter remembered the most, right after the feeling of being filled by his partner. He was so gentle, and when Peter wanted him to be rough, he was rough.

After they both reached their orgasms, rode it all out, Quentin left Peter’s body and went to the bathroom. Peter was on his back, breathing heavily with eyes closed and palms still tightened on the sheets. Then he felt a wet piece of cloth on his belly and between his legs; Quentin cleaned him up and everywhere their cum was around Peter as well.

“Let’s go under the sheets, shall we?” the man asked, suggesting Peter should probably get up to do that.

“Y-yeah, yeah.” Peter fell into his arms, tired and satisfied, a dull ache bothering his butt.

“Are you alright, Pete? How are you feeling?” Quentin mumbled in his hair.

“I’m great. Really, I... I feel good. I’m glad we did it.”

He was glad to this day they’d done it, standing with Quentin in the bathroom months later, in the middle of the night. He almost forgot about that nightmare he’d had, he was focused on his partner he loved deeply.

He stopped kissing him, “Thank you, Quentin. For everything you’ve done for me. I... I’m so grateful...”

Again, he felt his eyes welling up with tears, because he was so emotional, especially when talking about these emotions.

“Hey, you shouldn’t thank me for anything. At first it was my job to help you, then it became... My own free will. Because I love you.”

Quentin hugged him, let him cry into his chest. This time his tears were the happy ones. He was finally happy with his life. The nightmares and bad days from time to time were just something he fought with, and never lost, thanks to Quentin, who was always there to talk him out of any dark thoughts and offer him all the help in the world he could.

“Do you want to come back to bed with me?” he asked the boy when he calmed down.

“Only with you” Peter responded, looking at him with a sudden grin. “For the rest of my life.”

Quentin’s embrace was so comfortable that he would always wish it lasted forever. Warm and safe, every time he felt he could fall asleep in a moment.

That reminded him of the first time he had a sleepover at Quentin’s place. They hadn’t been engaged in any serious romantic relationship yet, it was just that one time when they spent too much time talking while drinking wine and eating snacks. Way past Peter’s usual curfew; he texted aunt May that he was sorry, and he’d get home as soon as possible, Quentin wanted to offer him a ride, but the weather was terrible. It was a storm outside, devastating the weakest trees in the neighborhood, that’s why May called him and ordered him to stay at Quentin’s. She trusted the doctor so much, after many dinners they had together to talk about Peter and other, more every-day stuff, that she was totally okay with it. And she was right. The man agreed for him to stay and said he’d take the couch. Peter didn’t want to be any trouble and blurted a suggestion they’d both sleep in bed, since “I-it’s big enough for the two of us… I mean… I didn’t mean it in any way, you know…”. It was so awkward and cute Quentin just started laughing.

“Calm down, Peter. I don’t mind sharing a bed with you, it’s just sleeping. If you don’t have any problem with that, neither do I.”

Peter exhaled deeply and nodded, “Okay, that’s what I meant. Thanks, Mr-"

“Quentin.”

“Quentin. Thanks.”

“I just hope you don’t mind me reading with the lamp turned on for a couple of hours.”

“Sure, why would I? I-I’m your guest after all” Peter giggled, grinning after that, exposing his teeth; this made Quentin’s guts twist more than ever.

God, he’s so beautiful.

“I’m gonna give you some sleeping clothes. They’re way too big for you, but they should be comfy enough.”

And off he went to his bedroom, looking for the clothes. Peter, on the other hand, got up and decided to clean up the table after their little drinking and eating party – two glasses, an empty bottle of wine, three empty bowls of snacks Peter had brought and all the crumbs they’d left in the process.

“Oh wow, thank you, Peter, you didn’t have to!” Quentin came back, his eyebrows risen and a little smile on his face. “Here you got everything I thought you’d need. Tell me if there’s anything more, okay?”

“Yeah, sure!” Peter nodded vigorously, feeling bits of happiness and peace crawling into his mindset, “Thank you.”

“I’ll go grab a smoke outside, if that’s okay. You can use the bathroom, or do anything you actually want to do at this point” Quentin laughed at the end of his speech since he realized that Peter is a big boy and doesn’t need instructions how to function. “Sorry. Sometimes I’m a bit too... protective? I don’t know.”

“You’re a guy who works with mentally ill people for a living, of course you’re protective. And sometimes you talk to me like I’m five” the boy turned his face to look at him and smile, marking the fact he wasn’t upset about that. He totally understood, he always did.

“Yeah. It’s hard to stop bringing work to personal life.”

He went to the balcony and closed its door to prevent the rain, the cold and the strong wind getting in. There was a lot of space and a big roof above so he didn’t get wet, though it was indeed difficult to light the cigarette. In this moment Peter finished the cleaning and decided to take a shower and change into his brand new sleeping clothes. He looked at the stuff Quentin had given him; it was so sweet to notice not only the neatly folded T-shirt, pants and a pair of boxers, but also a towel and a new toothbrush. Peter liked the way he cared about him.

After using the bathroom and changing, he walked right to Quentin’s bed. It was already made for them, just waiting for Peter to climb onto it and drown in its big, cozy sheets.

Meanwhile on the balcony, Quentin watched the storm bother his neighborhood while thinking about his relationship with Peter and all the feelings he had towards the boy. His cigarette burnt long ago, he needed a few more minutes to just stand here and think. He wasn’t doing anything wrong – Peter was in his early twenties and they had regular sessions once in three weeks, because Peter’s mental health was getting better and better. They still managed to be professional and as formal as needed during their official meetings. Their relations outside his office didn’t disturb anything and anyone.

He came back inside, closed the door and got rid of the cigarette. Realizing Peter was already in bed, probably sleeping, he went to the bathroom. It took him around thirty minutes to be ready for bed, so he was actually surprised to see Peter still on his phone, the sheets covering his whole body except his head and hands.

“Aren’t you tired? You drank more wine than I did” Quentin chuckled.

When Peter looked at him, he tried his best not to freeze and stare at Quentin’s bare chest for longer than two seconds. Of course Quentin was going to sleep, so he just dressed in his normal sleeping clothes including sweatpants only, but Peter had to lose it and stare.

And of course Quentin noticed it.

“Is it, uh, is it okay for you..?” he gestured on his body; Peter blinked and quickly moved his eyes to Quentin’s face.

“O-of course-yes!” he exclaimed a little too loud and Quentin found it unbearably adorable. “It’s your house, you dress as you please!”

“These pants are what I usually wear when I’m home alone, so yeah, sometimes I sleep in them as well” the man explained while settling himself next to Peter. “Don’t stare at your phone too much.”

Peter snorted and looked at Quentin like he did at May sometimes when she tried to lecture him on something he was way too old to be lectured on. He relaxed, reminding himself that Quentin wasn’t anything to be afraid of – he could be as awkward and as silly as he wanted to be around this man, and it wouldn’t change Quentin’s mind about him.

As he had stated before, it was time for him to read. Peter continued checking his phone, all the socials he was using, mostly incognito, so no one would stalk him later in case anyone found out about his secret identity. At some point, he stopped looking at his phone and just pretended to do so, while actually checking Quentin out. The sheets covered his lower parts only, leaving his belly and chest exposed to his view. He was a well built, strong man, subtle body hair on his skin. Luckily, Quentin didn’t noticed him staring this time, because he was too involved in the book, a thriller settled in the sixties of twentieth century.

“Didn’t know you were a smoker” suddenly came out of Peter’s mouth, making Quentin look at him. Peter blushed. “S-sorry, I didn’t wanna interrupt you-“

“Relax” the man gave him a reassuring smile, “I wouldn’t say I’m a regular smoker. Sometimes when I need to think about things, I go and grab one. No biggie though.”

When he needed to think about things? What did it mean? Peter didn’t want to ask further, especially since he had some ideas.

“I see” he nodded. An instant yawn attacked him, “I think I’m gonna go to sleep, at last.”

“Good idea, it’s way past your bedtime” Quentin approved, making them both chuckle, again that day.

Peter turned off the lamp on his side and buried himself in the sheets. No matter how much he begged his body not to spread across the whole mattress in his sleep, it did so anyway. He remembered waking up almost on Quentin’s chest, his arm on his belly and his leg on his legs, and his immediate panic that went along with it.

“Holy shit, I’m sorry, I-! I’m so sorry!”

The innocently sleeping man was then woken up by Peter’s loud apologies. He opened his eyes and looked at the boy, seeing zero problems in the way they slept together that night.

“Boy, calm down. You were asleep. Unconscious. Give yourself a break.”

Thinking of the way Peter panicked made him smirk months later when he recalled that morning. Quentin was totally chill with what happened, and he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. Actually neither could Quentin, but he was good at forcing himself not to smile every time he thought about it.

At this point, Peter would laugh at almost every situation in which he panicked, got anxious or stressed out because of his reckless actions towards Quentin. It always meant so much to the man, he always considered them adorable. Peter was so bad at hiding his nervousness and it was obvious he’d get very nervous around Quentin sometimes.

Lying in their bed, months later as stated before, it all seemed like a beautiful dream. But it wasn’t that at all, it was Peter’s life which turned for the better thanks to the man he was hugging right now. He finally made peace with what had happened before and the nightmares that haunted him were just the remains he would get rid of in his own time. That’s what he needed – time and space to heal. And Quentin was the one who had given him both of these things.

Peter couldn’t be more grateful.

[moon-yeongjun]

No Good Deed // Wicked // Jun 

Moon Yeong-Jun Aesthetics 1/?

One question haunts and hurts Too much, too much to mention Was I really seeking good Or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are When looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are Maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished All helpful urges should be circumvented No good deed goes unpunished Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did

All right, enough So be it, so be it then Let all Oz be agreed I'm wicked through and through

Since I can not succeed Fiyero, saving you I promise no good deed Will I attempt to do again Ever again

No good deed will I do again!

Hey, I accidentally got super emo about Jun. I was actually going to use Jun/No Good Deed as the example for the newsletter and I stopped myself because I was like...no I must now do it. So here I am. 

No Good Deed really speaks to the long-suffering, well-intentioned, obedient eldest son that defines Jun’s entire existence. There isn’t much he would not do when asked by his family. He was never given enough space to figure out his own dreams (seriously, he never gave it any thought at all) and since returning home to Swynlake, he has done whatever it is his family needed, from working 10 hour days to meal-prepping on weekends, taking his sisters to their various lessons, and helicopter-hyunging over Tae’s shoulder to make sure he’s okay. And of course, he does all of these things because of his sense of duty, but also because he believes it’s what he must do in order to receive the love, care, and attention that he has been deprived (those particular lines of this song really get me). He’s been given so much responsibility and control that it’s sort of warped that sense of responsibility...

Meanwhile, his father continues to get sicker and sicker. And there’s no cure. 

Enter the petitions, the vampire ones sure to be just the tip of the iceberg. Jun genuinely believes that he is giving Swynlake what it needs, but of course he’s going to receive nothing but a headache for his efforts. Is it what he deserves? Yes! But considering he isn’t getting any thank yous in his home life and cannot do the one thing that he really wants to do (save his father), then Swynlake will just have to deal with its very own Wicked Grocer from the West (of Swynlake). 

[under-the-blue-sun]

vanilla softserve sort of day

summary: dan doesn't want to go outside today, but when his best friend and crush phil lester turns up at his doorstep...well, he had to change his plans a little. 

word count: 4117

rating: teen & up for swearing, but it’s mostly just fluff

warnings: profanity

note: first(ish) phanfic so uh hello phanfic community nice to meet you i guess. this is a little rushed and crappy but im putting this out there anyway so let’s just see how that goes. inspired by liana flores’ softserve - please check her out, the link is here and she is amazing and so underrated i love her so much.

read on ao3 | read on ff.net

dear diary laptop thingy, 

today began as a perfectly sunny day. and when i mean perfect, i mean absolutely perfect. i wasn't dying and sweating because of the heat, but it wasnt cold enough so i would shiver to death. the perfect weather to go outside, run around in a park and walk my dog. so obviously i stayed inside, sleeping till eleven am. that is, until i was woken up by the doorbell. i leapt out of bed and ran to the door in my pajamas. i know that that's bad, but in my defense i thought that my brother had left something at home and he was coming back to get it. it was holidays for me, but my brother's last day of school was today and my mother had to go to work. and as far as i was aware, my mum had not ordered anything online since she swore off it so i couldn't see how it could be anyone either than my brother and my mother, for who would want to see me?

yet, i opened the door and saw the one and only phil lester.

now i know you do not want to read through another in-depth description of phil lester. i was just rereading my other few entries and uh, i wrote a lot of things about his appearance and personality. but he did truly looked stunning, just standing there at my front door. somehow, he had looked even better since he got the very fashionable quiff and since he started to embrace his glasses. he was wearing a blue shirt and jeans, which accentuated his beautiful blue-green-yellow eyes and he had his dog, buffy, on a lead. she tried to run forward to greet me, almost choking herself, but phil held her back. and then he fucking smiled at me, which, as normal, was fucking death, which is a bit of an issue when he smiles a lot and he's your best mate, but i swear to fucking god, his smile could light up the entire world.

"hi." he said, still fucking smiling.

"i didnt expect you." i noted, like a reasonable human.

"yas, you didnt. nice pajamas." he said.

of course. of all the days, i just had to be wearing my wonder woman pajamas. i fucking hate this world.

"yeah, they are pretty nice. what are you doing here?" i asked, pretending i wasn't embarrassed.

he fiddled with his fingers, acting adorably flustered. god, i fucking love him. "well...you said you were home alone this week and that you were going to be really bored. so i thought i could, you know, turn up as a surprise." he said. i blinked.

"i dont...have anything planned." i said. he laughed, his stupid tongue sticking out of his beautiful teeth. god, please murder me.

"i know you dont, you spork. it is sunny out today, so i was wondering whether you wanted to go on a train with me to the beach?" he said.

i didnt respond for a few seconds so i could process this information. he is so fucking cute?? and nice?? i did not understand, so daniel.exe just shut down. but like?? still??? i said i was going to be bored on the week and that i had nothing to do, so he turned up at my front step and asked whether i wanted to spend some time with him. like who?? would do that??? honestly, he really was the best friend ever. 

"it's okay if you don't want to, i was just asking, you don't have to, there's no pressure!" phil said quickly, his face turning red. it was only then that i realised i hadnt said anything for like a whole minute. oops.

"no, no, i would love to! i was just...surprised that you would think of coming here and asking whether i wanted to spend time with you." i quickly said, trying to make up for my mistake.

"you were surprised i wouldn't at least come and say hi after hearing my best friend was bored and free during the week? daniel james howell, i am truly disappointed in you." phil said, shaking his head. 

so i took sookie, my dog (yas, phil and i have matching pup names) and wore my sunglasses. i wore the first clothes in my closet that were reasonably presentable (black, of course) and i went to the door. phil was on his phone playing crossy road (probably as the emo goose) and didn't notice me come out of the house.

"um...hello?" i said. he went pink, embarrassed he didn't notice me beforehand, and looked at me for a while. all i was thinking was fuck, i probably look bad.

"is there something on my face?" i asked. he went pinker and shook his head.

"no, it's nothing." he replied. "let's go!"

the train trip was as breezy as the wind today and before i knew it, we were at the beach. phil tried to chase some seagulls to talk to them like the dork he is, but i pulled him away.

"aww. but i could have been the next doctor dolittle." he complained. i rolled my eyes.

"we already discussed this. you cannot become a doctor, as you would be known as dr. phil and that title already belongs to one human and it will continue to belong to one human only." i said sternly. he pouted.

"but what if i legally changed my name? then could i become the next doctor dolittle?" he begged.

"what would you even change your name to? mo?" i asked, struggling to not smirk. 

"mo? mo...lester. what? no! i dont want my name to be the word someone who sexually assaults others! i would change my name to...sylvester. then i could become sylvester lester!" he exclaimed.

"sylvester lester from manchester." i said with a grin.

"yeah! i like it!" he said. he looked so fucking happy, how could he ever want to spend time with me, who literally sucks the happiness out of everything? truly one of the world's greatest mysteries.

"it does have quite a ring to it," i admitted, "maybe you should change your name."

"then i could be doctor dolittle! well, the equivalent of him. doctor sylvester lester from manchester who goes on...questers...to communicate with other animals." he exclaimed. i shook my head.

"no phil, you ruined it. questers? really?" i said.

"i couldn't think of anything else that would rhyme!" he protested. i shook his head. sookie shook his head with me.

"see, even sookie knows what's up!" i said. 

"well, buffy would never betray me, so take that!" phil retorted playfully. he then suggested we go grab some lunch, so we went to the local cafe and got some fish and chips. 

it was a cute cafe. there was hardly anyone there as it was still technically a working day, which was good for us as we got an outdoor table for our dogs. sookie hungrily stared at my food, hoping for a chip or two. even though my mum hates giving sookie human food, she wasn't here to tell me not to give her any, so i gave in and allowed her to take some of my chips. while i was feeding sookie under the table, i listened to phil talk.

"did you know that a lot of fish in fish and chips is actually shark?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"i refuse to believe that. where did you hear it?" i asked with doubt.

"i don't know, i think someone told me on this science camp or something, i don't know." he replied, visibly attempting to recall where he heard it.

"right, okay, really reliable source there. even if it's true, i don't care. i don't care if this is raw shark, or raw octopus or some shit, it tastes good so i'm going to continue eating it." i said.

"octopus tastes different from regular fish, dan. i think you would know if you were eating raw octopus." phil pointed out.

"i don't care! i don't care! watch me! i don't care!" i exclaimed. phil laughed as he shook his head.

we finished the meal in ten seconds flat, like the ravenous, greedy brutes we were and then i paid, despite phil's protests. 

"why did you pay? i should have paid! this is my treat to you!" phil exclaimed, continuing to argue even after we had left the cafe.

"yeah, and that is my thanks to you for taking me out." i said back. he huffed.

"yeah, but i wanted to treat you." he said. 

"if you wanna try me, get me a ninety-nine." i said, pointing at the ice cream truck ahead. he groaned.

"but they're always so expensive. way more expensive than it should be, anyway." he whinged.

i shrugged. "i mean, if you wanna treat me -"

"yas, i'll get you a ninety-nine!" he blurted out, interrupting my sentence. "i might as well get myself one as well."

and soon, i had a vanilla softserve in my hand and an irritated phil to my right.

"why are they even called ninety-nines when they're not even ninety-nine pence?" phil asked.

"it's actually because italian people thought -" i began, but phil cut me off.

"i don't want to hear. they should be ninety-nine pence is all i'm saying." phil griped. 

"if you don't want your ninety-nine, you can go ahead and give it to me," i offered. 

"no, it's still mine." phil said. he stuck his tongue out at me, then took a huge lick of the ice cream.

"or is it?" i said. i leaned over and licked his ice cream.

"hey!" he cried. he leant over and licked my ice cream.

"see? now we're even steven. no need to get angry." i said. he shook his head while i manically cackled.

"race you!" phil shouted. i stopped laughing and i saw him in the distance, already running.

"wha - i -" i stuttered, before sprinting as well. by the time we just got to the end, we were both huffing and puffing, unable to breathe.

"i...beat...you." phil said, exhaling after each word. my brain protested "because you had a head start!" but my body was unable to comply, and all that came out was "head...start.". phil and i simultaneously collapsed on the floor.

after five minutes, i stood up and looked at where we had run from.

"you know, it wasn't that far, we're just grossly unfit." i observed.

"the things we sacrifice to play hours of video games." phil replied, shaking his head. "hey, how about we go on the beach?"

before i could reply, phil was on the beach, looking up at me with a grin. i shook my head.

"now sand is going to be in your socks and shoes." i pointed out. he threw his vans to the side and stripped his socks off.

"there!" he declared. "problem fixed!"

"phil!" i exclaimed. he tilted his head in confusion.

"what?" he said innocently.

"you can't just - oh, whatever," i said, giving in. i jumped down to the beach and i took off my socks and shoes.

"happy?" i asked, both eyebrows raised. he smiled, eyes crinkling with happiness.

"very." he said. he lay down on the beach, but jumped up abruptly.

"what?" i asked. he rubbed his back and dug in the sand with his fingers. he plunged his hand in and pulled out a huge conical shell.

"woah, look at this!" phil said with a huge grin.

"was that sticking up your back?" i asked. he nodded solemnly. i laughed loudly and obnoxiously as he pouted. he was so cute when he pouted. why did i have to go through this? this was straight up homophobia.

"hey, let's look for more shells!" he said.

"why?" i groaned.

"because it'll be fun?" he said, with puppy dog eyes. i groaned, but decided to humour him anyway.

"where are you going to put the shells, phil?" i asked. he pointed at his hoodie pocket.

"in here, of course!" he said. 

"how many shells would you even be able to fit in there?" i asked. he shrugged.

"as many as i can. come on, let's hunt for shells!" he said, already running across the beach with buffy and sookie. i sighed and chased after him, trying not to grin after he started screaming.

and it turns out he was right. with a little help from my hoodie pocket, we managed to collect a whole lot of shells. somehow, we had managed to spend hours on the beach, rolling in the sand and grabbing shells.

"we should probably have dinner now." i said. he laughed and shook his head.

"what?" i asked innocently.

"nothing. just the people in the restaurant will probably think we're crazy, covered in sand and pockets bulging with shells." he said. i looked at him, his hair in the wind and his multicoloured eyes somehow matching perfectly with the sea. his face looked beautiful under the light of the sunset, and of course his smile was just as stunning as it was this morning at the front door. suddenly, i started laughing too, and he started laughing harder, and soon we couldn't stop until we were just two idiots with one shared brain cell, laughing our head off till we couldn't breathe.

to be honest, i don't know what was so funny. it wasn't phil's best joke, nor his cheesiest, nor his dirtiest or his most ironic. maybe it was just the absurdity of it all, that we had spent our entire day collecting shells on the beach with our dog. but at that moment, i was certain it was because of the impossible existence that was phil and how he managed to be so fucking beautiful and nice. that's why i was laughing anyway, i have no idea why phil was laughing his head off.

"yeah, let's wait for awhile before dinner. you can come to my place if you want?" i offered. he shook his head.

"nah, it's fine. i'll just go home and have dinner there." he said. 

"please. have dinner with me. it'll be my treat back to you for making sure i didn't stay inside sleeping all day." i said, practically begging. i looked at him as the breeze blew against his face, and at that particular moment i was more in love with him than i ever could've imagined someone could be.

he looked back at me for a while, then relented. he smiled and shuffled closer towards me.

"sure. i'll love to have dinner with your family." he said.

we sat in comfortable silence, looking off into the horizon.

"the beach during sunset really is beautiful." i observed.

"yeah. really." he eloquently replied. i turned to him, and realised he was still looking at me.

"fuck, i can't deal with this anymore." he muttered. i frowned, quizzical.  and then he interrupted my thoughts and kissed me.

my brain went completely empty of all the thoughts i was thinking before and all the logic i normally apply to situations. i stopped thinking about the maths homework i was supposed to do, and how we had to go all the way back to the other end of the beach to get our shoes and socks back if they were still there, and how the weather forecast said that it might rain later this evening. the only thing that i was thinking about was how phil, my best friend, crush, soulmate and companion through life, fucking liked me back and that he was fucking kissing me.

holy shit. even now as i'm typing this, i still can't believe it. this kind of thing only happened in cliche rom-com tv shows and movies. but yet it was still happening. Philip Michael Lester, the attractive, polite, intelligent, thoughtful, kind human being, was kissing Daniel James Howell, the impolite, sarcastic, idiotic, emo, ironic demon. just...fuck. fuck fuck fuck.

"i really like you dan." phil said quietly, avoiding my eyes. i took his hand and placed it in mind.

"i really like you too." i said, smiling. he looked up at me and smiled. we sat, hand-in-hand, and watched the sunset in silence.

"let's go home." i said.

"let's go home." he repeated.

so we walked to the other end of the beach, our bare feet making temporary footprints across the barren sand.

we collected our shoes and socks (which phil forgot about before i reminded him) and then we went on the train, but we were too exhausted to talk. emotionally tired or physically tired, i don't know. but we sat on the train hand in hand, trying not to drift to sleep. unfortunately, i epically failed at that because soon i woke up to phil nudging me at our stop. after a five minute walk from the train station we arrived at my house. i knocked at my door, and waited for an answer. i heard footsteps, and soon adrian answered the door.

"dan, i'm proud of you. i was surprised you even went out of the house, but i had faith that you would. mum thought you were kidnapped, but obviously you're okay. oh, hi phil! we weren't expecting you." adrian said. oops. i kind of forgot to tell mum that phil was coming. i'm sure it was fine. 

"hi adrian! can you ask your mum whether it's okay for me to have dinner with you? tell her it's fine if i can't, i wouldn't want to butt into your family dinner." phil said. ugh, what a gentlemen. how the fuck did he like me? if i was him i wouldn't like me. what was this sorcery???¿?¿¿¿   

adrian nodded and ran back to the kitchen. he shouted back to us saying it was okay, and we went in.

the dinner went smoothly. as i predicted, phil made adrian laugh with his cheesy jokes and he was incredibly polite to my mum. i had told my mum while phil went to the bathroom that we were dating now, and i could tell that the only thing that went through her head was "ideal son-in-law". which was good i guess, if also somewhat embarrassing.

as soon as we started the dessert course, it started raining outside. 

"you boys just missed the rain, didn't you?" my mum said, looking out the window.

"good luck, i guess." i replied, focusing on my apple pie.

"or maybe the universe meant it to be like that." phil said. i looked up at him.

"probably luck." adrian decided, interrupting our moment.

despite my mum's protests, phil soon started to get ready to go, hoodie pocket still bulging with shells. i had put my shells in my room the minute we came back in, but poor phil had to carry them all throughout dinner. 

"i'll count them when we get home and we can see how many shells we collected together." phil promised.

"or we could have a competition to see who has the most shells." i proposed. 

"i gave some of mine to you, so that's not fair." phil said. i clicked my tongue.

"excuses, excuses." i said, shaking my head.

"are you sure you don't want to stay here for the night?" my mum said, concerned.

"it's fine, ma'am. i need to go home and do some things i was supposed to do this afternoon, but i was held up." he said, looking at me.

"you invited me!" i protested. 

"i know, i wasn't blaming you. but it's fine ma'am, i want to go home." phil said. mum sighed.

"at least make me give you a lift." she said.

"it's -"

"phil lester, it is raining outside. i do not want your mother calling me saying i let you to walk out in the rain, allowing you to catch a cold! i know your address, let me drive you there. dan, adrian, do you want to come?" my mum said. adrian shook his head.

"sure." i said.

"good, let's go. adrian, don't do anything or you're grounded." mum said. ah, what a legend.

the second we got in the car, holding hands in the backseat, my mum showered us with congratulations. she revealed she had been shipping us since grade three, which made me confused and worried, and she said that she always knew i liked phil.

"mum!" i said while phil laughed.

"what? it was as obvious as day. even before you told us you were gay, i knew that you thought phil as something either than platonic. and don't laugh too hard mr lester, i always knew you liked him too. i'm just amazed it took this long for you to get together to be honest." mum said.

"well, we're both oblivious and nerdy, so that might be why." phil said. mum chuckled.

"yas, that is true. that's very true." mum said. we then chatted about music and literature, and before we knew it we were at phil's place. it had somehow stopped raining on the drive, but i was still wet so mum told us to be careful.

"thank you for taking me ma'am." phil said honestly.

"that's okay phil. it's been nice seeing you again. you're welcome at our house at any time. i'll let you two say goodbye." mum said.

phil got out of the car, making sure he didn't drop any shells from his pocket.

"make sure to count those shells," i said while getting out of the car.

"i will." he said with a smile. god, those smiles still killed me. i kind of hoped that i would become immune to them after finding out he liked me, but i was also kind of grateful that i was still susceptible to the magic of phil's smile. still, it was irritating that i melted any time he felt moderately happy. it wasn't fair, it really wasn't fair.

"you wanna go to the movies tomorrow? i heard there's some good films in the cinema." i said.

"sure. my treat." he said.

"nope, you're not paying for it. i refuse to let you. you can pay for something else, but i will pay for the tickets." i said. he opened his mouth to argue, but closed it immediately after.

"we'll argue about this tomorrow. i'll go -" he started, but i interrupted.

"i'll be at your place. at eleven thirty sharp." i said. he raised his eyebrows.

"would you really?" he said.

"i will. you'll be sorry you ever doubted me." i replied.

"have you done mr folium's homework yet?" he asked.

"nope. i'll probably just google the answers." i said.

"you're going to regret doing that." he said.

"i know. but for now i'm just focusing on the present and not worrying about the future." i said.

"that's a good quote for our relationship, not so good for maths homework. but fine, you do you. i'll probably just google the answers as well." he said. i laughed.

"you're such a hypocrite." i said, shaking my head. he smirked.

"i know. it's one of the things you love about me, isn't it?" he said. i raised my eyebrows.

"your words, not mine." i said. we stood in silence, both unsure of what to say.

"i should probably get going." i said, breaking the silence. 

"yeah, same." he agreed. and there it was, that perfect silence yet again.

"i really like you." i began, but not sure of what else to say.

"yeah, same." he said. 

and then we kissed again. it sounds so casual, doesn't it? but it wasn't, it really wasn't. my heartbeat sped up and slowed down to match his, my palms started sweating with nerves and excitement, and my lips curled as it struggled to fathom what was happening. i wonder if every kiss with him would be like this. i wonder if i would ever stop loving him just as much. there's still so much i was unsure about, but for now i'll focus on the present and i'll let the future come when it comes. who knows how much - or how little - the world has in store for the two of us? let's face it, i'm just a seventeen year old boy really in love with another boy in my class who somehow liked me back. but couldn't be seventeen? that's all i wanted to be. and there was nowhere to go if didn't start the journey, and right now we were only just beginning.

today was a vanilla softserve sort of day, and i love vanilla softserves. signing off,

daniel howell 

[hi-i-love-u-bitch]

Letters and Tea A Sanders Side Mario AU fan fic

Dedicated to the lovely @sugarglider9603 and her lovely AU which I love to bits! I mean I love all her AUs and if I could write fics for all of them I would. But alas, college consumes my every waking moment. So for now, please enjoy!

Dearest Virgil,

I cannot thank you and your brother enough for helping me and Patton escape from Bowceit again. Me and Patton were able to make it to the Royal Alliance Meeting in the nick of time and though it was rather boring excellent progress was made. Which reminds me, King Joan Boo says hi and asked that, if you weren’t too terribly frighten still, if you would like to come over to their mansion for lunch. But worry not, I was able to convince them to change the location over to my castle since the lilies in my garden are in bloom and I MUST show them off to someone. So, think of this as not only a “Thank You” letter but a formal invitation to lunch this Saturday. I’ll even ask Patton for that cake recipe you like so much if it’ll convince you.

That aside, I truly am thankful for not only yesterday’s rescue but for ALL the rescues you’ve done before that. I am a very capable prince, believe it or not, and can handle most things myself just fine but even I need some help every once and a while. Bowceit is a handful to deal with alone but you make the burden of it much more barrable. It is an honor to fight along side someone so brave and courageous.

As a token of my gratitude I’ve enclosed in the package a scarf that I knitted for the up coming winter or if you ever find yourself venturing to Ice Land again. You get cold so easily, I hope this will help you even just a little. I’ve also enclosed some of my favorite peppermint tea which I’ve heard helps sooth the nerves after a stressful day. The tea’s leaves come from my garden so you know you’re getting the best.

Anyways, I should wrap this up before I continue rambling on forever. Thank you, once more, for everything you do. I truly do admire you.

Love,

Prince Roman

Virgil flushed a deep scarlet as he finished reading the letter before looking back to the table were the beautifully wrapped package waited for him. It was a medium lavender box with dark purple designs held together by a white silk ribbon and a small bouquet of violets. It was so fancy and expensive looking that Virgil had been avoiding touching it for fear he’d brake it somehow. When the delivery Talyn came to drop it off Virgil at first thought they had the wrong house. But no, it was just Roman being extra.

Even so, Virgil was still extra careful when untying the ribbon and placing the bouquet in a small vase near his favorite reading nook near the window. The scarf was in Virgil’s favorite shade of deep purple and extremely soft to the touch, there were tassels at the end that he could fiddle with and a fancy V embroidered in white. Virgil put it on immediately and it was just as warm as he thought it would be.

It also smelled vaguely of peppermint.

Virgil peered into the box once more and discovered a small yet thick packet stuffed with peppermint tea bags. Tied onto it was another note that said: Come over anytime you need a refill -R.

There was a lip stained shape near the corner of the note, a light gold shimmery hue that reflected against the light. Virgil swallowed thickly, cheeks warm as he reached into the box and took the packet. He stood there staring at the note…the kiss…for what seemed like an eternity, face burning, stomach in knots, palms sweaty, heart racing, and Roman’s smile dancing across his mind.

It wasn’t that Virgil liked Roman, no wait, he did like Roman but just as…a friend? A guy that he saves on the weekly? An annoyance? Roman was just…a lot for Virgil. He was arrogant and loud and flashy and charming…very sweet to his people, brave, and confident. Roman was like the sun, beautiful to look at but burned if you looked too long.

‘But of course,’ Virgil thought bitterly ‘he is a prince after all and I’m just…a plumber.’

Still, Virgil thought it best to write back to confirm their lunch date, er, meet up and thank him for the gifts. Yeah, he should do that, Logan probably has some stationary in his office. Virgil was sure he wouldn’t mind if he took some. Or maybe it would be better to go out and buy some for himself? Virgil didn’t get many letters so he didn’t bother keeping any stationary and it would probably be a waste to buy a whole packet of stationary for just one letter. It’s not like Roman had the time to continue writing to him, he was a prince after all and he probably had many more important things to do then entertain Virgil with a letter or two.

Virgil continued to stare at the lip stain on the corner of the note, looked around to see if he was alone before gently pressing it against his lips. It was only for a second, just to get it out of his system, it wasn’t creepy or weird. At least that’s what he kept telling himself before quickly placing the packet back in the box and slamming the lid on top. His hands were shaking as was the rest of him and he was pretty sure all the blood in his body had redirected itself to his face. What was worse is that he could still smell the icy warm sent on his scarf but his body was still too paralyzed with humiliation to take it off.

After about thirty minutes of dying on the inside Virgil decided to head out for some fresh air and if on his way back, he bought some stationary that wasn’t anybody else is business.

---

Dear Roman,

I’m sorry your meeting was so boring but at least it went smoothly. Give Joan my thanks and that I’ll be there for lunch this weekend, no problem. Also thank you for convincing him to change the location, I really appreciate it. Their mansion is cool and all but the ghost children popping out every five minutes still freaks me out.

Also thank you for the gifts, the scarf was really nice and warm and the tea was delicious. I’m sorry if this comes out a little awkward, I don’t really write many letters. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to write about, there really isn’t anything interesting about me. Besides facing off with Bowceit on the weekly I don’t do much so sorry if I’m a bit boring.

I don’t do much except fix toilets, doodle and write shitty music. So, I don’t have anything in ways of a gift for you except this crappy drawing I did of this water planet I visited with Remy one time on vacation. It’s not my best work but I like it better then any of the other sketches I have on hand. I hope it’s okay.

Well, anyway, you’re probably busy and this letter has gone on long enough so I should probably end it right about now. Thanks again for the gifts, I may have just found my new favorite tea. Talk to you soon.

Sincerely Yours,

Virgil

P.S. If anyone of us is brave and courageous it’s you.

Roman squealed in delight flopping back onto the bed as he pressed the letter close to his rapidly beating heart. His face ached with the now surely permanent smile he had on and burned with a flush of scarlet on his cheeks. He raised the letter up to scan over it once more before retrieving the paper behind it and admiring the beautifully drawn master piece on it.

Virgil was a brilliant artist, were it not a black and white pencil sketch Roman could of sworn he was looking out the window of a submarine. If he thought this was “crappy” Roman could only imagine what Virgil deemed “okay”. And he apparently wrote music too, Roman wondered what kind? Orchestra, ballads, contemporary, folk…maybe love songs.

Roman sat up quickly, a blush of embarrassment creeping up his neck for even thinking such a thing. I mean, he hasn’t even heard any of his songs so who was Roman to assume what he could and couldn’t write. Even so, if it’s anything like his sketches it’s probably amazing.

“Just like him,” Roman sighed dreamily, it was an embarrassing thing to say out loud in your room alone but he still couldn’t help the goofy smile forming across his face. He hopped off the bed, trying his best to mellow out but to no avail, “Come now Roman, you’re behaving like a child. This is no way for a prince to act! Especially towards a gloomy, stick in the mud who’s crude and emo and sarcastic…and witty…smart, funny…he does have a nice smile.”

Roman bit his lip worriedly, looking out into nothingness for some sort of answer. How is it you properly answer a question such as Virgil? Virgil the plumber, Virgil the hero, Virgil the adventurer, Virgil the artist, Virgil the musician, Virgil…the person. He was one layer after another and Roman just couldn’t seem to stop unwrapping more and more to see what else there was.

Would it seem too desperate to write another letter back? They would be seeing each other this weekend but that was three whole days away! Roman couldn’t wait that long but he couldn’t just up and leave to visit Virgil right this second. Well, he could but that would be highly inappropriate! Why?

Roman’s blush darkened, “I-I should write a letter back, thanking him for the lovely drawing, yes, that’s it. A-and to thoroughly remind him about our meet up this Saturday. King Joan would surely be disappointed if he’d forget.”

---

Dearest Virgil,

I’m glad you’re coming over this Saturday, King Joan will be thrilled to see you and I…want to show you the moon garden I’ve been working on. I have most of the plants I want added into it but I feel like it’s missing something. I’ve heard you like to take midnight strolls sometime and was wonder if there are any interesting plants you’ve seen in your travels. They don’t necessarily have to be flowers just plants that thrive best in the moon light.

I would also like to thank you for the wonderful piece of art you sent me in your last letter. You really do need to give yourself more credit, you have such wonderful artistic talent that I can only imagen how your music must turn out. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble would you allow me to read over some of your musical creations? I wouldn’t show anyone else, I promise, but that’s only if you want to. I’m very curious to see what kind of music you enjoy writing.

Anyway, I’m getting a head of myself. I am immensely glad to hear that you enjoyed the gifts I sent you. I hope the scarf was the right shade of purple, I’d hate to mess up your whole emo aesthetic, haha. I’m joking, in all honesty you look quite good in purple, it’s defiantly your color. As for the tea, I’m so relieved that you liked it, it was hard to pick what type of tea flavor you’d like best but in the end I’m glad I made the right choice. I know it’s silly to say but…the smell of it reminds me of you; a cold yet unusually warm sort of fragrance.

But anyways, before I continue to ramble nonsense again, back to the subject of your picture. You said that it was a sketch from a water planet you visited with Prince Remy on vacation. I just wanted to ask, what was it like? What other planets did you visit? As a prince I don’t have much time to go out and explore the world like you and your brother, though I wish I could. You have so many adventures that take you so far and beyond this land that I envy you sometimes. So, if you could please indulge me with a few stories I’d be very happy. In exchange I’ll send you more of my home-made tea blends.

Today’s tea blend is a fruity strawberry and lemon tea, perfect for summer days. If you ever find yourself in the desert again a pitcher of that will have you cooled down and energized in no time.

Well, I’m beginning to ramble again so I shall bid you farewell for now. I’m off to purchase a frame for your picture. Hope to see you soon.

Love,

Prince Roman

P.S. You were wrong in your last letter. You, Virgil Sanders, are the most intriguing man I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet.

Virgil wanted to scream, in a good way for once. He had not expected for Roman to write back and so soon at that but he was sooo glad that he did. Roman truly wanted to get to know him, asking for his opinion on the moon garden as well as details of his travels. He thought Virgil was interesting and talented and worth writing to! And he liked Virgil’s crappy drawing so much that he was going to fucking frame it.

Virgil was positive he looked like a hopeless, blushing mess and thanked his lucky stars he was in the privacy of his own room or Logan would tease him until the day he died. Not that he didn’t already but this would just give him more material to use against him. Virgil grabbed one of the nearby pillows so as to muffle his screams of panic and joy. This was all really just too much, Roman was just too much!

Yet Virgil couldn’t get enough of him.

He looked back towards his desk where he left the letter and besides it, a thick packet filled with tea alongside another kiss sealed note. He hadn’t even looked at it, too afraid and embarrassed that the same thing as last time would happen. Virgil wondered how much someone could blush without passing out because he’s pretty sure he’s passed that limit by now. He had kept the other note in the same purple box it came in up on top of his closet where he couldn’t see it. He wasn’t sure if it was due to embarrassment or the burning temptation to do it again.

Virgil swallowed thickly, clutching his pillow close as he slowly made his way to his desk and peered over at the note. He saw the same familiar gold tinted lip stain at the corner alongside perfect cursive handwriting that said: Hope you like this blend, it’s one of my favorites. The strawberries came out extra sweet this harvest. -R.

The purple clad plumber wondered, if he supposedly smelled like peppermint would Roman smelled like strawberries and lemons. Or would it be some sort of summery citrus sent that would be carried across a warm wind through a flower field? Great stars above, where the hell did that come from? Virgil viciously shook his head before gingerly grabbing the packet and bringing it close to his face. He stopped just an inch short of contact though it was a tremendous test of self-restraint. The sent wasn’t as overpowering as the peppermint but still pretty strong since they were freshly picked and dried. It truly did smell of summer though.

Virgil didn’t do it on purpose, it was purely a subconscious reaction that caused him to move. His lips gently placed over the golden stain and the sent of summer taking over his senses, and for a moment, if he closed his eyes tight, he could pretend Roman was there with him. Just for a moment he could pretend this was real and not a pathetic act of loneliness and desperation. Roman was here and he smelled like summer and his writing became words of adoration and praise.

He didn’t notice he was crying until he finally snapped out of his trance and slowly placed the packet back down. Star’s above, he was so pathetic. Falling into the delusion that these notes were some sort of love letter and that he even had a slim chance at getting with Roman. A prince no less!

He really shouldn’t write back, it would just hurt more then it already did. Unfortunately, Virgil must be some sort of masochist because he did anyway. He knew he’d just fall deeper and deeper into whatever this was but he just couldn’t stop. When it came to Roman he doesn’t think he could ever stop.

---

And so, it continued on, past Saturday’s lunch, days beyond days, weeks beyond weeks, months beyond months.

Dear Roman, I hear pink succulent are a good type of plant to have in moon gardens. Though maybe any kind will do, along with a few other cacti. My favorite are turbinicarpus…

Dearest Virgil, your music is just as beautiful as your drawings! I hope you don’t mind but I played a few notes on my piano when I had a chance to be alone. I feel these would make wonderful sounding songs…

Dear Roman, I’m not really great with words, which is why I mainly compose melodies. But if you feel like using them to write lyrics please go right ahead. You may be a drama queen but you have this great flow with words…

Dearest Virgil, Oh ha ha, that’s rich coming from you mister I-wanna-live-in-a-haunted-house! Which I’m not surprised in the least! Though, the Phantom did live under the crypts of the opera house and was a genius musician…

Dear Roman, went over to Joan’s mansion and explored the graveyard. They told the ghost children before hand to make themselves known before greeting me so that’s good. They’re a pretty good group to talk to when they aren’t popping out of nowhere…

Dearest Virgil, you’ll be excited to hear that I’ve decided to dedicate a section of my green house into making a cactus garden! I had visited the desert earlier this week for some royal business when the idea struck me. So, I picked up a few rebutia to get started…

Dear Roman, the piranha plants of the jungle are probably the most vicious out of all the other piranha plants. Not to say the rest aren’t as deadly but these ones have some extra bit to them for some reason. Logan thinks it’s some sort of muted jungle fever that only plants get…

Dearest Virgil, you’re painting of the stars is beautiful as well as the melody that came along with it…

Dear Roman, you have such a talent for making great tea blends, have you ever thought of opening a store…?

Dearest Virgil, you and your brother are coming to the banquet Friday, right…?

Dear Roman, Patton wants to go hiking, please say you’ll come…

Dearest Virgil…

Dear Roman…

…you’re absolutely amazing…

…I truly enjoy your company…

Love…

Sincerely yours…

Roman.

Virgil.

---

Roman took a breath, double checking to make sure that everything was perfect. Virgil was coming over today under the impression that Roman wanted to show off his beautifully progressing cactus garden. That was only partly true, the other part being was that hopefully, maybe, possibly, Roman would work up the nerve to confess to him. He’s been keeping these feelings in for months and if he had to keep them secret for one more day Roman swore he’d explode into a fiery inferno.

Still, there was the possibility of rejection and the shattered remains of a friendship soon to be gone that was just enough to keep the Prince of Sarasaland tight lipped forever. But he had to at least try, if not he knew he’d regret it forever. Though was ruining a beautifully constructed friendship worth all that?

He hadn’t time to think over the answer when a Talyn scurried over to inform him that Virgil was finally here. His breath caught in his throat and his palms began to sweat, all very un-prince like but could not be helped, Virgil just had that effect on Roman. He caused him to let go of his title and forget his image so that he could just be Roman and not Prince Roman of Sarasaland. Truly, he could be himself around the purple clad plumber.

“I finished the other half of the song I sent you last week.” Virgil announced as he entered the garden, waving a paper he had tucked in his overalls.

Roman smiled fondly, “Excellent, we’ll look over it after lunch. Come and sit, I’ve prepared a special blend of that peppermint tea that you like.”

---

It was quite easy to talk to Roman, just like how it’s easy to write pages and pages of letter to him. They always have something to talk about, a wide range of serious to nonsense topics, and when they didn’t the two were perfectly comfortable sitting in silence. Just enjoying each other’s physical company as the warm summer’s breeze passed between them. It was all very nice.

But there was something off.

Roman had been a bit fidgety. Not that he wasn’t prone to being a bit fidgety, lord knows that next to Patton Roman wasn’t one to keep still for very long. But this time it seemed different. Anxious, almost.

‘What did Roman have to be anxious about?’ Virgil wondered ‘Bowciet left for a family vacation with the kids, he doesn’t have any important diplomatic meetings for a while, and Patton was coming over tomorrow for a picnic. So, what’s up?’

“Roman-”

“Virgil!” Roman said at the same time Virgil called to him.

“Oh, no you-”

“Sorry, you can-”

They awkwardly stared at each other in tense silence, though from what Virgil didn’t know. All he knew was that Roman was hiding something and he had no idea if it was good or bad. Maybe he knew Virgil liked him? That was probably the whole point why he was invited over, to be let down gently before he could even have chance to confess. It was probably for the best, Virgil hadn’t ever planed on confessing anyways so maybe with this out of the way he could finally move on. Or be sad and pathetic and alone forever knowing it was his fault he ruins one of the best friendships he’s ever had. All because he couldn’t keep his stupid emotions in check-

“I think I’m in love with you!” Roman blurted out.

Wait, what?

“Wait, what?” Virgil said, in a brilliant moment of word association. He stares at Roman whose face was a pretty shade of pink and had a look of utter embarrassment and panic. Virgil never thought he’d see the day when the Prince Roman, self-proclaimed charmer and smooth talker, would get flustered.

“Y-you heard what I said!” Roman squeaked out, his face going a deeper shade of red.

“I did but I’m not sure if I was hallucinating or not,” Virgil confessed “so can you please repeat it one more time? Just to know that I’m not dreaming, please?”

Roman squinted at him suspiciously, Virgil reached over and squeezed his hand, eyes sincere and nervous, “Please…”

The prince bit his bottom lip nervously as he squeezed back in response, “I…I love you.”

Again, Virgil’s body seemed to move on its own accord as he leaned over the small tea table and softly kissed the prince’s gold tinted lips. He pulled back just a moment later, somehow breathless as he whispered against the prince’s mouth, “Again.”

“I love you.” He repeated without fail and did not wait for Virgil to make the first move again. Greedily capturing his knight’s mouth in his own, cupping his hand behind his head and pulling them closer. They part for breath once more and this time it’s Roman who demands a confirmation, “Now you.”

Virgil did not hesitate, “I love you.”

Roman pulled them back in so fast he was dizzy but he did not stop him. Couldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop himself, the fire was addicting and Virgil knew he’d happily burn in it for Roman. Just as he knew that Roman would willingly freeze to death in his bitter winds so long as he could taste the minty warmth of peppermint while Virgil consumed the summer breeze.

[adecila]

Game of Thrones - 8x03 preview analysis + speculation

Or the moment I realise I am blind as a bat and I need glasses.

Busy week, but hey we’re still 3 days away from what has been advertised as an episode that will kill us. At a whoopin’ 80 (ish; 82 according to some websites, 79 according to others so I’ll just say 80) minutes and advertised as the longest battle in television (surpassing LoTR) I am ready to die! 

Wait wait does this mean it will be 80 minutes of stress? 80 minutes of fighting?  80 minutes of me yelling at the screen JON NO and KHALESSI NO until my throat is sore and I barely have any voice left? Yeah, probably.

Anyway- this is probably more on the speculation and prediction side since we don’t have that much to go off of…. 

Unlike the preview / promo / trailer –whatever you want to call it– we got for episode 2, episode 3 gave us a big fat nothing. Mhm, basically. 

But first the famous 6 photos EW gave us: (also a big pile of nothing!)

S.ansa looking worried, sitting, maybe glossy eyed - interior? exterior? Who the hell knows. Technically, as per episode 2 S.ansa is to stay in the crypts with the other women and children.

Ser Brienne of Tarth and Jaime fookin’ Lannister and some Knights of the Vale (noice shields) - this looks like an actual screengrab from the episode, and from their faces something it’s INCOMING. I am trying not to read too much into it, but tbh their faces can be just from seeing the huge ass army coming at them. 

Jonno mah man, my stupid son (and I say this with all the love in my heart) lookin’ sweaty, and rough and shooketh and I cannot help but to think something BIG is happening. Could it be something as simple as coming face to face again with our main boss the Night King himself? Could it be another “bitch watch me use your fallen men against you” moment? Could it be someone he cares dying in front of him? Could it be the dead surrounding them? Honestly guys this preview is giving me nothing, except anxiety. There’s some fire burning behind him, it can be dragon fire or it can just be fire they made in order to keep the dead at bay (as seen in the next pic). It is snowing and we can see fire behind him. Also also this pic clearly proves that HBO intentionally darkened the trailer since in the trailer we see the clip with Jonno running and this pic is from that exact scene. Gosh, his face tho - LISTEN he looks terrified. 

Jonerys overlooking Winterfell, but from the North-West side? So clearly at one point in the battle they get to this vantage point so they can see better. I am assuming that it’s quite early into the episode, since Jon still has his furs on, whereas in the previous photo he had no cloak and looked like he had already fought for some time; we see the forces spread out exactly like on the map (as I explained it in my 8x02 analysis when the war council happened), and oh my it looks glorious. We also see some fire strategically lit and it looks beautiful. Now BURN IT TO THE GROUND. Jk but also not jk; asoiaf theories on how Winterfell is meant to be destroyed at one point in the story are a-plenty ! Last night @muttpeeta asked me if I could see the dead in this pic and I said bitch I can’t see shit. I guess in the right down corner are just trees, so maybe the dead are in the trees (lmao just imagined them in the trees). On the other hand, @thescarletgarden1990 said she could maaaaybe see something in the left dark corner… gurl, I still can’t see shit. Uff notice how Jon x Dany suddenly have a space in between them? Ah, remember when we had nice things like when they had no idea what “personal space” meant? Hang onto your hats for the angst, bitches.

S.ansa x Arya on the battlements. Is it just me or is there something like a bar or blade or maybe a bow on Arya’s left side, almost resting on her shoulder? The spear Gendry made her? Maybe it’s an optical illusion. Also seems pre-battle, also seems quite early in the episode, when we have still time for dialogue. Hmm.. maybe that first S.ansa pic is in the same scene, but before? S.ansa looks a bit worried and shit I would be too. Scratch that, I think the first S.ansa pic is after the discussion with Arya. 

Tyrion x Varys in the crypts, chatting to kill time whilst everyone else is getting killed. I also expect this to be in the very first part of the episode. 

See, exactly what I said, they gave us something without giving us anything.

Now, onto the preview:

“The most heroic thing we can do now is look the truth in the face” - voiceover by S.ansa, as the screen flashes to: the troops, Grey Worm, Jonerys at the vantage point, Sam, S.ansa x Arya on battlements, Davos on battlements, women x children x Varys x Tyrion in the crypts, Jorah. Interesting line though, what truth is she talking about? Jon’s parents? I doubt. The fact that the dead actually exist? Remember when I said S.ansa doesn’t seem to believe Jon much?…

“The Night King is comin” - voiceover by Jon - we see Jon scared shitless, (from the photo we also got), the army in position, Arya running (from the trailer), Unsullied marching in formation, Beric x the Hound (INSIDE WF? WHAT???), Dany on Drogon in a blizzard, more Unsullied, Theon with a bow with fire in the Godswood, Jonno pulling out Longclaw in the Godswood looking a bit too sad/disturbed/scared??? 

Jonerys at the vantage point, face to face, Dany saying to Jon “The dead are already here”, she looks angry, Jon looks … emo :D 

Ser Brienne yelling to her flank “Stand your ground”

Now, let me regroup all my thoughts now that I made a general break down of the photos and the actual preview, let’s discuss what I think it will happen. This time I am heavily relying on speculation since tbh we don’t have much to go off.

About Jonerys:

Yeah, I don’t think they are just going to get over the parentage reveal that fast. My guess, based on how 8x02 ended and on the way Dany says “The dead are already here” is that there is going to be some tension. A lot of it. My best guess? the conflict isn’t going to be solved until 8x04 at the earliest. 

I told @smoldany I am thinking Jon wants to stick to the plan (contrary to what he did in BoB) and Dany will maybe see her troops getting smashed. As I mentioned, they make the vanguard so they will get hit the most. I imagine Dany is still shook from the reveal and when Jon will tell her to stick to the plan, she will go KHALESSI YES and mount on Drogon and go fuck up some wights and WW and protect her people because that’s what she does. Maybe Jon tells her something along the “The NK isn’t here” and she replies that exact phrase we hear in the preview. 

I am expecting some sort of rift between them mid battle. I know, I have mentioned it, but that’s what happens when person A and B go into a fight for life while they are also fighting. 

I mentioned in an ask how we will get a parallel to the scene beyond the wall where Jon falls into ice water in front of Dany. I am expecting something like this to happen, but reversed. This time it will be Dany falling and Jon running, watching something in horror. Maybe she falls off Drogon, maybe she falls with Drogon, but something happens, because I swear that Jon pic where he looks horrified it’s all I can think of. Plus! We haven’t seen Dany in armour yet! What if the Red/Black Dragonstone dress from the teaser is actually her armour? Maybe she gets injured and they finally decide she should get armour. Why? Well, I cannot stop thinking of what Tyrion said in season 7, that it only takes a well shot arrow for it to be all over. I also think that if this isn’t the moment she gets injured on Drogon, it will come later, probably in 8x05. 

Plus, c’mon, they have to make us think (even for a few minutes) for maximum angst ™ that one of the two heroes may die. 

If we get Jon carrying Dany to safety I will be the happiest. 

If what I said happens, we also have all the chances of getting the I THOUGHT I LOST YOU kiss I keep mentioning. D&D do not fuck this up for me. 

The Crypts or “sure, the Lich Night King is coming, you know what would be a good idea? To go sit in the motherfucking crypts where the motherfucking dead are kept.” 

Look. Do I believe the dead will rise in the crypts? Mmmmm not really. Except maybe Rickon, because he is the freshest dead person to be put here. There is a lot of foreshadowing in the books that the dead in the crypts may rise in a form or another, but… I don’t think it will happen in the show. 

However! Since the crypts have been mentioned a lot, I am inclined to thing something BIG will happen. My best bet? The dead push through the gates and the Mormont forces and they make it to the crypts. AHA but you will say - “UMMM aLiCe but the people are then sitting ducks” - well, not necessarily. There are a lot of secret passages in Winterfell, if you remember, that’s how Bran escaped ! So if the dead are to invade the crypts, I am guessing at least some of the people will flee through the tunnels. We just have too many big characters there for them to die so soon, at least Tyrion. Let’s be real, Tyrion won’t die now. He has to flee somehow. 

Winter FELL

I told my friend @tomakeitbeautifultolive once that I thought the fight for Winterfell is doomed from the start. Imo, this keep is meant to fall, and the NK will have a victory here. 

While we’re on the subject of Winterfell, lemme bring up my theory that it will be a sort of Culling of Stratholme situation from WoW. In case you’re interested, click on that link, the lore is so rich in this game, but I digress. I think the bittersweet part if they don’t get slammed and pushed to retreat or die, it will be a sort of decision - aka if we don’t burn as much as the fallen as we can then we are just adding more forces to the AoTD. So… I am thinking there will be a point where the dead are clearly winning and they cannot take any more chances, so they burn as much as they can, living and dead, especially inside of WInterfell. Or maybe I am just too MUCH :D

Regardless if Winterfell is being sacrificed or not, our heroes will be forced to retreat. Because if you think the NK is going to be defeated in episode 3/6 …..

Where the fuck is the Night King then?

Funny how we haven’t seen the NK in the trailer, nor in the preview for this episode, nor at the end of episode 2 - we just saw the WW on their horses.

Will he even be at WF? Idk man their plan looks pretty dumb. And as far as I remember, the NK could see Bran. The NK knew Dany was coming and was prepared with spears for dragons (and chains!). So why the fuck would he not be able to see this shitty ass plan??? 

I told some of my friends that I think the NK will fool them, send his forces to WF while he will either stay on the sides for as much as he can in order to bait Dany and/or Jon… (so he will swoop in let’s say mid battle - maybe that’s why we see Dany on Drogon in a blizzard, or idk, we saw the weather change also when WW are present, so you never know) or go to the Isle of Faces because I think he may want to destroy some big important weirdwood tree… or maybe I am thinking again too much about WoW and I am getting Teldrassil vibes 

Bran Starkashian waiting for his date with the NK under the weridwood tree

Uff I think this is the part of the plan that will backfire the most

I am 99% sure this is where Theon dies, while defending Bran because the dead are gonna come to the Godswood for Bran’s sexy ass

I told @tomakeitbeautifultolive that Jonno looks too distressed and oddly calm when he is drawing Longclaw and he looks to also be in the Godswood - oh gosh what if he mercy kills someone ? Oh gosh what if it’s Theon… or Rickon…

But Alice, what about Cersei and her GC? And Bronn?

I honestly don’t know. Weird how Cersei seems to have a plan in place. So what happened to Euron after ep 1? Did he get mad when Yara got rescued? Is the GC just gonna sit in KL and wait for an attack? Are they marching North? Are they gonna also arrive in WF while the dead are there? 

I just want to mention that in the trailer, when Arya does her spear thingy, it seems there is blood spatter from one of the people she hits… “but wights don’t bleed, Alice,” - I hear you say. Exactly, buddy. EXACTLY. So who the hell is Arya killing? just something to keep in mind. 

Last thoughts: 

Jorah will die - as Theon, his arc is fulfilled, and especially after his heart to heart with Dany in 8x02 I am 99% sure he dies. 

Grey also may die. Listen, I was surprised he made it alive out of Casterly Rock. I don’t think he will get to take Missandei to Naath…

I’m thinking 5-ish minutes of intro + 60 ish of action + the rest is the retreat

The jonerys conflict will most likely continue into 8x04, where it may get solved - if not, 8x05 for the makeup sex.

Beric dies; either Podrick or Jaime die, but not both

Edd dies

ALIVE: The Starks + Gendry + Dadvos + Missandei + Lyanna Mormont + the Hound + Sam + Gilly + Little Sam + Brienne + Ghost + Tormund

I am still holding off for Nymeria and her pack! 

Bottom line is, I am pumped for this episode, it is gonna hurt as hell, so yeah! Asks and dms are open, as usual, so feel free to ask questions if there is something I missed. See you on Sunday! Bring wine and food!