#i can't look over my writing and say 'that or that is lacking' or 'thats such a bomb ass X or Y“

[sweeteastart]

Having post anxiety about posting some kind of art and not another is weird.

I've been posting my artwork continually since 2016 and never got much anxiety over it. Threw it into the void with some broken English and forgot it existed the next second. I even started posting my Cosplays about 3 years ago. Which is basically me in a costume and it also never put any pressure on me. It's kinda whatever.

BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MY WRITING.

BOY, OH BOY AM I TERRIFIED.

My writings were the first thing I ever shared publicly back in my teenage years. It was in my native language in the glory days of wattpad and it was soooo disastrous but fun. At some point I stopped. I got into drawing and it took a step back.

However, now that I'm older ... I get unreasonably afraid about sharing my work. The moment I share my words publicly, i feel pressured. Somehow I have this "it has to be perfect" or "I'll be judged into oblivion" mentality that plagues my mind.

My best guess is that I can't judge how good I am at it unlike with my art and cosplay. My brain can't analyse the words on the page and give it an appreciation. So I feel like it's automatically awful.

It may not be. It might be good. But I don't know that. That's so scary as an artist to put work out there that you, it's very own creator, can't analyse critically. Scary that people will judge it and you won't be able to defend it because YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S WORTH.

Don't get me wrong. I fricking love writing. I've been doing it on and off without posting it for almost ten years. It's a hobbit that i will cherish no matter what people might say about it.

It's just.... Anxiety. Pressure. Striving to be better at my craft. A craft that's been 10 years in the making.... Yet I don't know where I am in it. I don't know if I'm good, bad or meh. It's so much more terrifying to not know where you are than knowing you're bad at it.

[urwritethanks]

Someone said that if this was just a Netflix show he would have ate her out at the ending of EP 2. And let's just say that's what inspired this.

Anyway, hello 👋🏾 Yes I am shamelessly joining everyone in the excitement for this show. Did I start the show at 11pm? Yes. Did I then proceed to immediately start writing this at 2am? Yes. And you know what? I have no regrets (it's now basically 5am).

This is obviously an interpretation in an alternate timeline/universe. Dont get your panties in a bunch. Also my writing is not perfect. This ended up being longer than anticipated but apparently thats my m.o. I rarely get inspired to write so I wanted to just get it all out. Enjoy!

The glass shattered as it hit the floor.

Hee Joo could hear her heartbeat in her ears. Her hands were clammy and she felt out of breath.

How could she be so silly? How had she walked into this mess? 'A fire .. my god' she thought. 'Was he hurt?' What if at this very moment he was in the hospital? She'd known since last night something was wrong. She'd felt it in her gut.  That was why she had waited for him. Only exhaustion had allowed her to sleep. Now hours later she wished she had done something, anything. But what could she have done? Everyone saw her as useless. What could she do now? She needed to-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of the door lock. 'He's here!?' She thought in equal parts shock and relief.

The news in the background continued as he came into view. She was expecting him to be disheveled but she still was not prepared.

His shirt had soot and dirt. His hair looked as though he had been running his hand through it all night. His eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep. But more than that, they were filled with emotion. She had never seen him.. so affected.

He stalked toward her. Instinctively she stepped back only to come in contact with the table. She almost gasped when his hands found her waist and lifted her to the table. He must have lost his mind last night. In all their years of marriage she could count on one hand the number of times he'd touched her this way.

Her breath was caught in her throat. She stared at him stunned.

"Lately, nothing makes sense" Sa Eon said.

"There can't be a Hong Hee Joo I don't know about."

Hee Joo's brain was not working. She couldn't think straight with him this close. What did he mean?

"I need to find out" he continued, eyes shifting to her skirt "which one is the real one".

She knew. She knew before he moved what he was going to do.

"Right now, you're my only lead. So cooperate."

He reached for her skirt. Lifting it two inches before instinct had her stopping him.

He was really going to do it! Oh my, why had she gotten herself into this situation? How would she keep him from doing this now? When he was so determined. And why was she..getting turned on. Maybe it was how close he was to her. Maybe it was because it had been years since she had been with someone. But she knew the truth was it was his eyes. The way they seemed to be staring into her soul. The way they were showing so many emotions. Anger, confusion, frustration ...lust.

Was she imagining that last one?

"Do you want to take it off, or should I?". He had fisted her skirt. She stared at him chest rising and falling as though all the oxygen was gone from the room.

She didn't know what came over her. Before she could think about it her hand continued where he had left off.

His eyes never left hers the entire time. While a moment ago he was almost desperate, now it seemed as though he had all the time in the world.

She lifted it just enough to reveal what she knew he wanted to see. The material bunching in her lap but still covering her under garment. Slowly his eyes shifted down. Where ever his eyes touched felt like fire on her skin. She saw the moment he found her mole. His jaw clenched  and when she looked down his hand which had fallen beside her leg on the table was balled into a fist.

He exhaled loudly "I see.. so this is the real Hee Joo." His hand lifted. Finger tracing a circle around the mold. She felt that movement deep, her stomach clenching.

She hadn't realized she was holding her breath until his commanding voice said "Breathe". Before she could think she breathe in and out in a huff . God why did she always listen to everything he said?

As she continued to breathe the circles seemed to be getting larger. Covering more area on her thigh. Was she dreaming? She must be because he reached to lift the skirt higher revealing more and more skin. This is exactly what dream Sa Eon would do. Only in her dreams, dreams buried deep down could this be happening.

He only stopped once her centre was exposed. The skin tone underwear was now clearly visible to him. She watched him as his eyes feasted on her. She saw him swallow and he murmured something that even her fine tuned ears did not pick up.

When he reached for her she came back to herself and grabbed his wrist. His eyes found hers. Searching. She must have been doing a terrible job of hiding how much this was affecting her because whatever he saw in her eyes had him smirking and then he leaned forward and captured her mouth.

She gasped into the kiss. Then it was a flash of tongues and breathe. Her mind was spiraling not able to keep up or put into perspective what was happening. Sa Eon kissed exactly how she expected him to.  He directed and she was more than happy to follow his lead. One of his hands found her jaw and he maneuvered her head to deepen the kiss. Her hands found their way around his neck and into his already messy hair. This man was talented. He kissed her as though he was thirsty and she was the last drink of water on earth. He kissed her as though he had been wanting to do this for the last three years. He kissed her as though she was his.

When she broke the kiss, breathing heavy he simply shifted to her neck, her clavicle. The low vee of her shirt allowing him access. Her head fell back as she gave him more room.

Suddenly she felt his fingers on the outer edge of her panties. At the same moment his mouth was doing magical things to a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. She shifted on the table humming as his fingers made their way to her entrance.

"I haven't heard this much sound from you in a long time" he paused whatever he was doing to her neck to say. "Maybe I should have done this sooner".

His finger was now working circles around her clit. Rather than go back to kissing her neck his eyes found hers as she slowly began to lose herself to the sensations. They were having a conversation without words. When his finger entered her she gasped and closed her eyes.

"Look at me" he said. Her eyes fluttered open to find his lit and studying her. He began to move his finger in and out. She bit her lip and her head fell back.

"Look at me" he reiterated. And his commanding tone coupled with a second finger joining the first had her head snapping back up.

"You will watch."

Suddenly his fingers left her and in a swift move he grabbed the waistband of her panties and ripped. Then before she could recover from that his hands moved her thighs further apart and his mouth found her, his tongue hot on her most private place. She was so stunned she didn't have a moment to feel exposed. Then sensation began traveling through her body.

She was getting more and more wet as he continued. His tongue feasting on her sensitive clit then moving to her entrance. The more wet she got the more he lapped, groaning and tightening his grip on her waist. Her thighs began to tremble and with each lap of his tongue she fell a little further under his spell. When his tongue entered her, her hands gave out and she fell to her elbows. Her eyes almost closed until she remembered what he had said. When she looked down she found him watching her as his tongue continued to torture her. She couldn't believe this was happening. How had they got here? Watching her watch him seemed to do something to him, as his onslaught became more ferocious she could only hold on for the ride.

He knew everything about her. He made it his job. Nothing could put all his skills to better use than his wife. And maybe that is why finding out he may not know her like he thought he did these last few days was driving him crazy.

All he could think about was her safety. But more than anything he was angry. Angry that this stranger who had no right to had seen her. Taken her hostage! Had her photo to leer over! It made him feral.

All he had wanted to do after last night's events was set eyes on her. Make sure she was safe. But when he'd seen her all his plans flew out the window. Suddenly he needed to know,  was she his Hee Joo?

Now with his head between her thighs, her hand fisting his hair and those breathy noices she was making (which were quickly becoming one of his favorite sounds) he knew she was.

He loved her taste and the more wet she got, the happier he was. He watched as her eyes glazed over as she gave in to everything he was giving her.  She began to shift her hips now, unconsciously chasing her orgasm. What she didn't know is he would give her anything she wanted.

Now as he watched her, her eyes seemed to be begging him, a tiny furrow in her brows and he was more than willing to oblige. He shifted, his mouth again finding her clit while his fingers entered her again. He pulled, hard with his mouth and thrust his fingers at the same time. Her thighs tightened around his head. He sweeped his tongue from her clit to her entrance a satisfied groan low in his throat. That also seemed to have an effect on her. He picked up the pace his eyes finding her again. Not wanting to miss a moment of her pleasure. He felt and heard the moment she came. Her core quivered and released a rush of moisture. At the same time she gasped loudly and bucked her hips. He knew it was with difficulty that she kept her eyes trained on him. He could swear he saw them get two shades darker.

For several moments she didn't breathe, suspended in the pleasure her body was giving her. He continued his onslaught until she came down. The hand in his hair going slack and a rush of breath finally expended from her. She seemed to sag onto the table. As much as she could anyway as she tried to keep her eyes on him.

He kissed her one last time reverently. When he glanced up he could see the panic and confusion beginning on her face. Her hands went up to cover her face and she laid on the table.

He adjusted her skirt back down to cover her. "Get cleaned up" he said. Knowing if he even tried to talk about or explain this it would go in one ear and out the other.

"I'm going to take a shower; then I'll make you breakfast and we can talk".

She was shaking her head before he was finished.  Her fingers shifting so she could peek through.

He left her like that, making his way to his room to shower. He knew she was even now probably trying to find a way to get out of speaking to him. But make no mistake, he had gotten a taste and he was far from satisfied.

[cynarisgayass]

hear me out: billy takes a commission to capture a criminal/bandit reader, but falls in love with them on accident. sorta hero x villain trope type of scenario idk

𓍊𓋼~Caught with your heart on fire~𓋼𓍊

Type: Oneshot

Description: I'm hearing you loud and clear hehe! Honestly one of my favourite tropes! Also I'm sorry but I was so hungry while writing this and it shows a little. I hope you still find it enjoyable T-T

Rating: Fluff/ Funny

Reader: GN criminal/thief, a little sassy

Featuring: Billy kid

Billy kid:

" Hey! Wait up! Can't we just chat?? You look like a fan of TV shows!! We could watch one together sometime!" Billy called out to you from about 40 feet away, trying to close the gap so he'd have a easier time apprehending you...and failing miserably. You were faster then him and wayy better at navigating areas, but he did have you beat on charisma...or so he thinks.

"Sorry, not interested fanboy~" You winked at him, clicking your tongue at his lack luster attempts to catch you...he was clearly not great at it. "Maybe after a few drinks and a whole lot of cash..."

He chuckled loudly, enjoying your banter, "That seems harsh, but none the less, I'm sure I could win you over! I make a mean Mac n cheese and don't even get me started on my dinosaur nuggets!!" He lunged at you, lazily and you dodged with ease...always keeping that distance between the two of you.

"Mac n cheese... dinosaur nuggets...? What are you? A five year old.." Your words were dripping with sarcasm and your smirk could kill, but then it hit you. When had you fully stopped trying to get away?? You could literally leave him in the dust and yet you were drawing the conversation out...

"Are you saying you don't like Mac n Cheese and dinosaur nuggets? Cause we may not be compatible then.."

"..." You bit your bottom lip as he tried to step closer, "I think thats enough chatter for today. I have things to steal and people to see." Your body moved further away on instinct and yet you were starting to feel a bit anxious, knowing you didn't mind talking to him...was freaking you out a little.

"Awe but we haven't even gotten to if you like toast yet! What about a dinner date?? Or movies? Come on...you know you want to talk to me a little longer." He made a pouty face at you, putting the tips of his pointer fingers together like a shy anime girl.

You had to hold back your laughter at how silly he looked, "Maybe another time. Byee fanboy~~" You threw a smoke bomb at the floor and quickly scurried away, leaving him happily counting down the minutes till the next time the two of you would play this game of catch me if you can.

Feel like I should write a part 2 where they actually get together.

[lightreader1]

Fanfic idea -  Mini stories - Young Atsushi x Young Chuuya 

Prompt: Young Chuuya technically kidnaps young Atsushi- scenario rambles part 2

Actual idea-

So here I am yet again for another installment of this shippy chaos.

I don't know why but everytime I think of this idea I keep imagining a small feral Chuuya hugging an even smaller Atsushi while growling at everyone saying "Backoff! He's mine! Mine! You can't have him assholes!"

XD

Note: All idea’s listed here are meant to make you laugh, hit you in the feels, and/or inspire your little shipper hearts to hopefully write something you think you would enjoy! 

You have been warned.

=w= 

2. The learning phase - Remember how I mentioned that Chuuya doesn’t remember shit before the age of 7? Well because of that ignorance he doesn’t really understand how the world works. Chuuya in my mind runs on his own instincts and logic, but you mix that with a highly isolated abused orphan like Atsushi and you get some pretty interesting situations. 

Like for example I imagine Young Chuuya and young Atsushi getting hungry and seeing a random food vendor. Chuuya automatically wants the food because he knows both of them are hungry while Atsushi is more reluctant because he doesn’t want to steal. I Imagine that the conversation would go something like this: 

Both Atsushi and Chuuya look around the corner of an alley and start drooling over some Takoyaki. 

Chuuya (sniffing the air and looks at everything curiously): Hey that smells really good, Atsushi what is it? 

Atsushi (wipes a little drool off his face as he looks at the food intensely): “Ahhh I think that’s called Takoyaki. I remember reading about it in a cook book before, it’s supposed to be chopped octopus cooked in dough.

Chuuya (looks at Atsushi who has his full attention on the food): “Is that supposed to be good?” 

Atsushi (sighs longingly at the food but still does not look away even as his stomach grumbles nods): “Yea, I never had it before. But I think it’s supposed to be really really good.” 

Chuuya (as he hears Atsushi’s stomach rumble and remembers how light Atsushi is nods to himself): Alright then! Wait right here Atsushi I’m gonna get us some food! 

Chuuya is about to walk off to go to the food cart but Atsushi stops him by grabbing his hand.

Atsushi (slightly panicking): W-wait Chuuya where are you going? What do you mean by “get us some food”?

Chuuya turns back frowns a little confused at Atsushi but doesn’t pull away from the other’s hand. 

Chuuya: Well I’m hungry and you’re definitely hungry, so I’m gonna take their food. I mean look at’em, that guys just giving food away! 

Chuuya points at the street vendor currently giving some Takoyaki to some random family.

Atsushi frowns before sighing at Chuuya. He pulls his hand away to gesture at the cart not noticing that Chuuya frowns at the loss of contact.

 Atsushi: Chuuya you can’t just take food from people, thats stealing. Those people  bought for their food that’s why the guy is giving it to them. 

Chuuya frowns again before tilting his head confused.

Chuuya: What’s “stealing” and “bought” mean? 

Atsushi sighs before explaining.

Atsushi: Stealing means that you take something that doesn’t belong to you. And “bought” means that someone used money to buy something and that makes it belong to them. 

Chuuya (frowning but nods): Okay I get that but how do you “buy” something. 

Atsushi: You buy something by using money. 

Chuuya: Ok but how do ya get money? 

Atsushi pauses at that because for all of his book knowledge he actually isn’t too sure how to get money because he’s so used to the orphanage’s “point” system.

Atsushi: I-I don’t know. 

Chuuya (tilting his head curiously before leaning closer to Atsushi’s face in that way kids just do sometimes when they don’t have a sense of personal space): What do you mean ya don’t know?

Atsushi leans back and blushes feeling a embarrassed at his lack of knowledge.

Atsushi (literally twiddling his thumbs): “A-at the orphanage t-they never gave us money. A-an if we wanted to e-eat we had to earn points.”

Chuuya narrows his eyes at this and tense’s up hearing about the orphanage again but doesn’t interrupt.

Atsushi (starts holding himself as memories emerge): T-they made us clean and do chores but I-it was never enough. I-i think money is kinda like that. If you do a good job a-at something you get money but I-if you don’t…

Atsushi shivers and his eyes start to water again which makes Chuuya frown even harder.

Atsushi: I-i don’t wanna get p-punished if that’s how it works outside the orphanage. A-and stealing is even worse! T-they h-hurt you re-really really bad Chuuya!

Chuuya mentally scrambles a little when Atsushi starts crying. He’s angry at hearing how much this world scares his friend. So he does his best to help Atsushi and puts an arm around him and  hugs him close.

Chuuya: Oi oi don’t worry they can’t hurt ya anymore remember? I made a promise and I’m gonna keep it. Ya still trust me to keep it right?

Chuuya then wipes away Atsushi’s tears and Atsushi blushes cause he’s not used to anyone treating him so gently before. 

Atsushi: I-i trust Chuuya. 

With that Atsushi gives a small smile to Chuuya and leans his cheek into one of his hands enjoying the warmth and care. 

Chuuya gives a big smile in return feeling a warm but pleasant sensation in his chest as his new friend looks so pretty while he’s smiling at him. 

At that moment Chuuya just wants Atsushi to always keep smiling at him like that.

Chuuya: Good! Then ya gotta stop crying kay? I like it betta when ya smile. 

Atsushi blushes but nods and starts wiping his eyes before his eyes are clear of tears. 

Atsushi: A-alright. But now what should we do?

At that point they both hear their stomach’s rumbling, though Atsushi’s is noticeably much louder between the two.

Chuuya looks at the food cart once more his eyes darken slightly before giving a slightly vicious smile, thinking of all the things precious friend had told him. 

He then looks back at Atsushi with a much more gentle smile and 

pats Atsushi’s head comfortingly. 

Chuuya: Just trust me Atsushi, ya don’t gotta worry about a thing. I’ll be right back. 

Atsushi is still looking concerned knowing his friend’s violent streak but reluctantly nods

Atsushi: A-all right but please be careful. A-and you can’t squish anyone like you wanted with the bandage guy. 

Chuuya tsk’s at that thinking of the weird bandage man but considers Atsushi’s words for a moment. 

Chuuya: Okay, no squishing got it…….what about making them twist? 

Atsushi: Twist?

Chuuya nods enthusiastically with an innocent smile on his face: Yea! Ya know make their arms and legs move in a different way!

Atsushi sweat drops at that.

Atsushi: Chuuya please don’t break peoples bones! It would hurt a lot!

Chuuya pouts but reluctantly nods

Chuuya: Fiiiiine. I won’t squish em or make I’m twist……..as long as they don’t try to hurt me first! They start a fight then I’m gonna end it. 

Atsushi snorts feeling both worried and amused at his friends antics. 

Atsushi: A-alright I guess that should work. I mean if someone breaks a bone then I guess they’ll feel better after a few days. 

Atsushi says innocently without knowing that it is in fact not normal to heal from a broken bone after a few days.

Chuuya who also has no idea how long it takes for normal people to heal just smiles brightly at his friends approval. Not really caring about the incorrect knowledge but happy that Atsushi is relenting and letting him do what he wants. 

Chuuya: Well alright! Now I’ll be right back so don’t move okay? 

Atsushi nods and give’s Chuuya another soft smile: Alright, just be careful okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.  

Chuuya blushes before puffing up his chest

Chuuya: Of course! Just ya wait Atsushi! 

Chuuya then goes over to the food cart vendor. He doesn’t end up breaking any bones or anything but several orders of takoyaki do get stolen and the cart vendor gets pinned to the ground for a couple hours. 

Meanwhile Chuuya discovers that he absolutely adores Atsushi’s joyful expression when he returns with the food.  His pretty violet and gold eyes sparkle and Chuuya just wants him to keep looking at him like that. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is part 1 of the rambles if ya'll want more context: https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/773980856756912128/fanfic-idea-mini-stories-young-atsushi-x?source=share

This is the original link idea that started it all: https://www.tumblr.com/lightreader1/773882201147375616/fanfic-idea-young-atsushi-x-young-chuuya-prompt?source=share

[nuhuhwinniethepooh]

Summer Day

Synopsis : It was a stupid question really but now you just can't help but wonder, what if...nvm, Satoru just broke the moment again.

Tags : teenBFF!Satoru, GN!reader, Fluff, hand-licking (no it's not a kink), he's a menace (and thats why we love him)

__________________________________________________

It was a normal, summer day. Lolling out on a bench in a park with ice-creams and rolled up sleeves to keep the heat out as flecks of sweat slide down your cheeks.

It was a normal day...until it wasn't.

Watching pairs of couples walking past you had given you the bright idea to question the grumbling white-haired boy, your bestfriend a question that you would never have asked otherwise.

"Satoru," you start, turning to look at him sprawled out with his head thrown back over the bench and an empty ice-cream stick sticking out of his mouth..."should I even bother-" you think, rolling your eyes at the sight with a sigh.

Satoru lazily turns to look at you, tilting his head a little and you can see his cerulean blue eyes staring at you," hm?"

"Quick hypothetical question. Hypothetically, if we ever become a couple how do you think our chemistry would be like? Like our...y'know what I mean!" You huff from frustration with the lack of words, your melting ice-cream slowly dripping down the cone.

"What's with the sudden idea?" He questions amusedly, leaning his head back on the bench to look at the branches of the tree overhead. "Just the couples around making me wonder what it'd be like," you shrug, taking a bite of your ice-cream.

He hums as he thinks and you're left surprised at the lasting silence, you didn't expect him to actually think about it this hard. So, you say nothing and continue taking small bites of your cone allowing him to think in silence.

"Our chemistry, huh? We'd be the power couple, for sure," He finally answers, stretching a little as he sits up and turns to look at you with a shit-eating grin," We'd be the type of couple that they'd write stories about, the kind of couple that would make the best romance writers have writers block just trying to write one that can top ours."

You gape at him, the melting cream dripping down your hand and onto your shirt," Me with my badassery and you with your sassery," he continues, flicking his empty ice-cream stick at a nearby trashcan.

" Sassery isn't a real word," you giggle, that being the only word you processed. Satoru quirks an eyebrow at you, his usual smug smile back on his face," Sure, it is."

"No, its not,"

"It does exist,"

"Since when?"

"Since now," he retorts, standing up and stretching his arms. You scoff at him and he turns to look back at you," You're getting ice-cream on your uni," he quips, pointing at the soaking cream prints on your shirt.

You cuss a little as you reach for your weapons bag and search for tissues, not noticing the fact that Satoru had come closer to you. You find the tissue and hurriedly turn back to face your ice-cream only to come face-to-face with a smug Satoru, your confused face reflected against his tinted glasses as he bends down and licks the melted cream off your hand, starting from the base of your hand and working his way upto the top, your thumb.

He pulls away and looks at you from beneath his sunglass with a smirk before turning to the side," Would you look at that, Suguru and Shokos here too!" He quips, waving at the two figures as he picks up your half eaten cone off of your hand, gobble it up in a bite and start to walk towards the two...leaving you stunned, sitting and...ice-creamless.

A slew of curses directed at him pours out of your mouth as realization hits you, furiously wiping your hand and shirt with the tissue but all you can hear is Satoru's echoing laughter.

You reach for your weapons bag.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-♡-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Bonus:

Satoru licks his lips, the lingering sweetness and tingling sensation in his lips was creating flutters in his stomach," Took you guys long enough," Satoru pouts, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Your ears are turning red," Shoko deadpans, not bothering to look up from her phone. "Just the summer heat," Satoru mutters, consciously touching the tip of his ears. He looks at Suguru and narrows his eyes at the smug, knowing smile resting on Suguru's face.

"Suguru" "Yes?" "Shut up"

"I didn't even say anything!" Suguru protests as he leans to the side and looks behind Satoru, his eyes widening.

"Satoru" "Yea?" "What did you do?"

"Nothing, why?" Satoru replies, mockingly offended as he turns around only to see you run towards him...with a katana in hand and your weapons bag slung over your shoulder.

"That's my cue to leave," Satoru mumbles, running away with an angry you in tow, curses spewing out like water from your mouth.

"Should we-" Suguru starts

"We should," Shoko sighs, she could only hope for a living Satoru once you were done with him .

__________________________________________________

A little brain-rot before I start writing my alphabetical series again 🤡

Masterlist

[foern]

hii!! how are you doing?? this is my first time so i applogize if i lack of details/u have a hard time understanding this. May i request for Tokyo Revengers (Mitsuya, Draken, Rindou) where they compliment or just appreciates s/o but she just cries when she heard ut? she kinda barely got attention and praises like that so it kind of melts her heart

they can be like normally say "im so grateful for you" "ur so pretty", but s/o just cries as a response HAHDHSJA I wanna know what theyd do or react, if thats okay ofc! i apologize if im dosturbing your time, i hope u have a great day!

~😻

Anon tysm for this request! I had a lot of fun writing it! I haven’t really read the Manga, so I don’t think I know enough about Rindou to write for him. I replaced him with Mikey, I hope that's okay!

Sorry this id kind of short and took forever, ive been super busy (literally moved to another continent). Anyway, hope you like it!

———————————————————————

Mikey

Mikey’s eyes followed you as you busied yourself in the kitchen, grabbing ingredients to prepare breakfast for the two of you—bacon and eggs. Distracted, you cracked an egg into the hot pan, oblivious to Mikey’s intense gaze. The morning sun streamed through the windows, casting a radiant glow on everything it touched, including you. With messy hair from sleep, clad in Mikey’s sweatshirt, and a bare face, you looked absolutely stunning.

“You’re so pretty.” Your gaze swiftly met the blonde-haired boy's; his eyes sparkled, and a warm, admiring smile graced his lips. There was no doubt in the world that he was anything but sincere.

“Don’t be stupid.” You mumble, an obvious blush creeping its way onto your cheeks. Truth be told, you felt completely hideous that day. Your hair was an unbrushed mess, you had no makeup on, and you were still in your pajamas. A wave of insecurity washed over you; a heavy weight settled itself on your chest. As tears welled up in your eyes you turned back to the eggs, unwilling to let Mikey see you cry.

“Hey, hey, hey, why the tears?” Mikey stands up from his chair and steps in front of me. He rests his hand on my waist, rubbing soothing circles into my skin. The words catch in my throat, making it impossible to articulate the emotions flooding over me. Truth be told, I don't even know why I'm crying. His free hand gently lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.

"You're beautiful," he reassures, his thumb moving from my chin to caress my lip, "Especially when you're making me breakfast."

——————————————————————

Mitsuya

I delicately run my fingers across the luxurious texture of my dress, savoring the sensation of the soft fabric across my skin. My gaze takes in every detail of the meticulously crafted garment—each stitch, every contour, a testament to its thoughtful design. A nervous smile graces my lips as I turn to meet Takashi’s gaze.

“What do you think?” I ask, my voice carrying a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. A faint blush creeps over my face as I catch him admiring my silhouette. His response, a simple yet sincere "You look absolutely stunning," sends a rush of warmth through me.

His bluntness catches me off guard for a moment. I never really grew up receiving compliments, so even now, they have the power to surprise me. A warm weight settles into my chest as an unexpected wave of emotion washes over me. The confident smile I wore earlier fades, replaced by a genuine, slightly flustered one. Rising from his chair, he makes his way towards me.

As he stands before me, placing a hand gently on my hip and the other softly on my cheek, I can't help but marvel at the tenderness in his touch. I hadn't realized a tear was rolling down my face until he wiped it away with his thumb. My heart melts at this action, his eyes never leaving mine. His unwavering, concerned gaze causes my tears to flow more steadily.

“You mean it?” I manage to utter, my voice carrying a mix of disbelief and gratitude. I honestly don’t know why I’m crying, but in this moment, none of that matters. He shakes his head with a reassuring nod. His hand guides me into a comforting hug, the type you never want to leave. “Of course, but I don’t know why you’re crying though. I think it means I should just compliment you more often.”

[anonymoushotsexyperson]

Thinking a lot about how the inevitability of death is not talked about.

I know you got attention span issues pookie bear so I split this post into sections and you can read whatever your most into if you can't do the whole thing ^_^

SECTION 1 my first encounters with the idea of dying.

I wish I could literally hug John Green for writing the fault in our stars. People can say it's sappy or whatever but it is one of the only mainstream forms of media that successfully acknowledges the inevitability of death and the lack of control we have over it. Though it took a lot more than TFIOS to wake me up to the conversation of dying.

The first time I realized death was a thing I can remember so vividly. I was at least 4 years old, I forgot how the whole conversation went but I remember my dad saying

"well honey everyone has to die one day."

"even you and mom?"

"even me and mom."

He said it so casually while folding laundry in the kitchen not knowing my world view had just completely shattered 😀. I went into our shared bedroom ( I didn't have my own yet because POOR) and cried on my parents bed. I don't know what happened after that. I think I just shoved death into my back pocket and kept it pushing because it was too hard to really grasp at that age. It still is now, but it especially was then.

Section 2 Being someone aware of your mortality and not being able to cope with it.

I think about death a lot now, it's been a reoccurring visitor in my brain since covid. It surprises me that the average Joe doesn't think about death all the time considering the current climate of our world. Im not gonna lie i've developed a bit of thanatophobia (death anxiety). This is because I have always dug myself out of my depressive episodes using knowledge and through that knowledge, understanding my relationship to the world helped me fall involve with living in it. The idea that one day this experience will end and regardless of what you believe whether it's in heaven or reincarnation or whatever we really don't know what's coming next or if there is a next. I don't think i'd necessarily be too keen with an afterlife as well as the idea that an afterlife doesn't exist. Both seem pretty ass, because if there's an after life cool but like what happens after that? You telling me i'm just here for ALL ETERNITY NIGGA? But also the concept of just dying and thats just... it? Kinda stupid and DUMB if you ask me. I think what im really looking for here is control.

Section 3 Does no one talk about death because of capitalism?

Apart of me believes that this thing where people around me tend to avoid the conversation of death or respond like an npc when I do get them to speak about it is due to western cultures obsession with capitalism and power. Because if you contemplate your existence and how both big and small it is, all this capitalism shit becomes kind of extremely fictitious and ridiculous. Like yeah maybe people just don't talk about it because its SCARY but also what if it's so scary because we done talk about it and because we are wasting our lives as wage slaves and in some areas of the world, literal slaves. Also this makes me think a lot about how religions are used as a weapon of conservatism instead of respected as a philosophical and metaphysical analysis of the human experience. There is honestly so many examples of religion-especially religions associated with colonialism-being used to control people. This can be seen and interpreted many ways and most if not all of the most obvious interpretations probably ring true. But what i'm really attempting to segue into here is that religion is uses as a weapon by the powerful in all sorts of ways but the idea that it is used to keep us from pondering death instead of exploring what it's like is something ive been thinking about a lot. You can argue some religious folks specifically follow religion to relieve death anxiety and its always been that way but I think that it now exists on a dissociative level.

Also, the ignorant American I am, I couldn't tell you the part about western civilization playing a big role is from an informed experience it's more so a studious guess. I don't really know what the vibes in other countries are like when it comes to dying I have not gained enough international knowledge and experience yet. So thats where you come in reader. YES you. What do you think?

QOTD: why do you think the conversation around death and the inevitability of it is so hush hush? Where do you believe we 'go' after and how does that make you feel? If you are apart of a non western civilization do you see a cultural difference in our experiences?

[sixbynine-da]

Tagged by  @doonarose!

How many works do you have on ao3?

60

53 are works solely by myself.

2 are large group collabs

5 are podfics.

What’s your total ao3 word count?

364322

250802 is soley mine (6351 in group collabs)

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Good Omens.

Previously 

Buffy, Naruto, Bleach, Sherlock, Harry Potter, LoTR, The Originals, Star Wars. A bunch of other anime series :D

Top five fics by kudos:

Of comforts and Rituals - The Originals fanfic Klaus/Elijah. Feat hair washing - the most intimate thing a couple can do!

Sweet dreams - companion fic for vavoom-sorted comic. Feat unconscious Crowley and his sub conscious insecurities.

A Tricky Situation - Human AU written for the vday exchange. Feat professor's Crowley and Fell. They don't immediately take to one another. 

Oh! My! What a situation - unrelated to above :D. Aziraphale is dropping hints Crowley is not picking up. Feat tartziraphale. My favourite *ziraphale.

It's a ~*DEMON DICK DOWN*~ - Aziraphale attends a summoning gone wrong. Does what it says on the tin. Feat large shouty Crowley.

Do you respond to comments?

Yes!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Published…

Toss up between 

Bad habits - a Lucicrow fic. Crowley has an arrangement with Lucifer that means he doesn't have to face the fact he can't have Aziraphale.

or

Going down in flames - Crowley takes over hell. And not in a cool destroy it from within way.

Unpublished…. I currently refer to it as ‘sad fic’. Human AU. A look back over their life from Az's perspective.

Do you get hate on fics?

Nope not really. Couple odd comments about tags….

Do you write smut?

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Craziest crossover:

Never done cross overs. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I'm having one translated right now :D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've worked on a few group projects and am currently co writing a couple things. Nothing before that though, so these will be my firsts :)

All time favorite ship?

God lord

 How tf can one chose ?

Probably Tony/Steve from MCU

I worked my way diligently through every E rated complete fic on AO3 and read virtually all of them!

What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a couple Naruto ones I will never finish. But I don't particularly want to. So that's fine. 

Want to but doubt…? Honestly I'm a bit worried about sad fic at this point !

What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm, dialogue?

I also seem to be able to just write if I have to as well.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Honestly my attention span. I'm impatient and get bored and want things to hurry along and it shows :D

Total lack of reasearch into anything. ^^;;

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Odd word here or there is fine, if I have to go google entire phrases or consult with footnotes to get important bits of the story....bit annoying.

First fandom you wrote in?

Buffy would be the first published by date but I THINK the first thing I actually wrote was a poem for an obscureish anime called Loveless. They are all still perfectly readable on FFNET because I'm terrible at tidying up myself when I leave :D

Favorite fic you’ve written?

uuugghhhhhh, thats like asking me who my favourite kid is! I'm going with Validation. Because it was the first thing not smut I wrote and where I tried out a different type of writing. It's entirely Crowley POV and more of a character study re his fall. I put a lot into it ^_^

tagging blah blah blah blah : @wingsofopal @theonewiththeshippinggoogles @thenerdalert @fuzzygoblin

[astronnova]

don't know if you still like scatter & wilt, but if you could make it canon (friendship, romance, doesn't matter) how would you do it within the story and if you could bend the canon?

see, thats where you're wrong. i've never stopped liking scatter & wilt. i've been on the scatter and wilt train since i was 14. im over 18 now. the locomotive will not be stopping either. im in this for the long haul

SO LIKE .... okay, in my head, i'd loooove canon s&w, but also i don't think them being a Canon Romantic Pairing would be the best. when i write stories i perosnally don't write that many romances, and in a show like RWBY i think there shouldn't be any focal romances (esp. since the showrunners have proven time and time again they have no idea what the hell they're doing). the show should focus on the character relationships but ... not romantic. dear God not romantically

THIS GOT LONG

IF I WERE TO MAKE S&W (of any form) CANON THOUGH... first we gotta overhaul the whole show. its garbage. we gotta restart. go back to beacon we're starting over.

hell FIRST fix is to make adam & blake not romantic ex's . he was her mentor, she looked up to him, he's like one or two years older than her. adam is mentored by sienna, who stokes the fire of his rage against the humans. blake and adam's falling out is over blake still choosing to see the good in humans while adam rejects them due to his past. he is NOT, i repeat NOT a crazy incel ex. WE ARE NOT DOING THAT HERE! ❌❌❌ NO SIR!

making adam crazy over blake only instead of keeping him focused on his ideals (like v1-(early)3 adam) keeps the faunus subplot from being swept under the rug like it is in canon

THE NEXT FIX. ruby's main struggle is her trying to come into her own as a leader. she has stage fright, she's socially awkward, she was bumped up one grade (ONE, not two this time), and her teammates don't take her seriously because of her lack of field experience despite her being a combat and intellectual prodigy.

the thing that drew me originally to s&w was their shared themes of red/black and roses, specifically rose petals played a huge part in their semblance. both left behind rose petals after using their semblance of speed and disintegration respectfully. it was very , very cool. 14 year old me then thought about how they could be narrative foils too. SO THATS WHAT WE'RE DOING LOL

adam is really interesting as an antagonist because he perfectly foils all four of the main girls. yang and adam with anger issues that are reflected in their semblances (even though v1-3 yang never had issues but whatever), blake for obvious reasons, WEISS for obvious reasons (seriously missed opportuninty), and finally ruby due to their opposing leadership roles.

adam is someone who is comfortable in a leadership role, he knows what he's doing. he's had plenty of experience and those that follow him know his capabilities and greatly respect him. he's an excellent leader, and he's devoted himself to his ideals and fights for his cause. he inspires others to fight with him and follow him. ruby, on the other hand, has no idea what she's doing.

she's awkward, she stutters, and not even her team take her seriously, much less other people. hell, ruby doesn't even have a concrete reason for wanting to become a huntress at this early point, all she knows is that she wants to be a hero and that her mother was her hero and a huntress, so that means being a huntress is being a hero. she doesnt know what being a hero means yet though

adam on the other hand knows what being a hero is, to him at least. its fighting for the people that can't fight for themselves, for the oppressed. using his strength to tear down those that abuse their strength and make them suffer in the opressed's place

apart of me wants to say that adam believes humans should instead be oppressed for. like. narrative reasons i guess? but also heres the thing i am aware that i am not able to do this subplot justice and def cant write up a nice draft on my first try right here. so i am going to politely leave it there for anyone else with more experience with this topic to attempt adding on if they wish. i think the main point im trying to make is that adam's idea of heroism needs to be strong, yet also he has to be wrong in some sort of way which is what separates him from the protagonists. he Goes To Far, or something. i dont know. i dont think i can write that well enough at this point in time too

so all this set up comes to this: their relationship. i think having ruby and adam meet outside of any combat related circumstance would be a pretty cool way to have them introduced to eachother, and opens up the chance for dialogue. i can't see them attempting to talk during a fight, and the only fight i can think of happening with the white fang is the breach in v2 where ruby and adam could meet. but at that point, ruby would either know about adam through blake and be wary, or blake would see adam and point out who he is. my point is that i think they need to meet outside of their own circles for a real chance at having them converse with narrative weight. could also make it a stressful scene where the audience knows whats going on while ruby does not.

ruby might meet adam at night in vale, in a shady back alley as she takes shortcuts to get back to beacon while blake talks to weiss or yang about her past mentor. blake could describe how much he loathes humans, and that he would hurt a human on sight simply because, overlayed with ruby seeing adam in an alleyway or something. the audience is on edge, blake is on edge, adam is on edge, and ruby is clueless. having the scene end with adam not attacking ruby and instead having him leave her unharmed releases the tension from the audience while also having them immediately question blake. was blake embellishing the truth? or was she simply telling her truth? especially for a character who's whole thing is lies and misdirection. could be interesting i think.

any conversation adam and ruby do have would be their opposing views on what being a hero means, and what you have to do as a hero. more so, ruby not knowing what heroism means to her besides it being ideallic while adam is much more jaded and set in stone about what heroism means. gimmie that juicy narrative conflict. the conflicting ideals. thats what im here for.

if there is a reveal for ruby that he is adam of the white fang, or his past with blake, or anything, you could easily slot in a betrayal element (but id rather save betrayal for cinder and ruby) or something. maybe the white fang aren't as antagonistic as they are in the show proper (to the point of Evil Pokemon Organization for the sake of it), or something, but i could see adam mentioning at some point that a leader must be a rock, or something along the lines of why he succeeds in leadership. maybe during a fight? who the hell knows. he plants ideas in rubys head about heroism, that maybe heroism isnt just upholding the law or upholding the current system. he makes her, and the audience, think. thats the important part

eventually at the end of an arc, or something, i think ruby would be able to answer him confidently about what it means to be a hero to her, and that their definitions are similar, but not the same, and that is why they'll remain on opposing sides until one budges. and both are incredibly stubborn. i think ruby's conclusion of what being a hero is, is to help those that cannot help themselves and to see the good in the world no matter what. one of her key traits is her optimism compared to everyones pessimism.

maybe some reasons for adam's interest in ruby is that optimism of hers. he used to be younger and idealistic too, but the world is cruel and he has seen the worst that the world has to offer, stuff like that. he finds it frustrating, or maybe even annoying, that the system that thrives off putting him and his people down creates naive shut ins like ruby. maybe he then respects her and sees her as an equal after she figures out how she sees the world. or something. ruby sees the good in everyone despite the horrors people throw at her, and maybe she inspires him to do the same. idk

this is all not even talking about the can of worms that is weiss and adam. which is also so interesting to me but they just didnt tickle 14 year old me's brain so. im stuck with the Rarest Rarepair. all aboard lol

i find it so interesting how they could be represented by monty's distinction, ruby is scatter, and adam is wilt. two different ways for dealing with conflict despite their similar appearances of something traditionally sweet and loving: roses

now if i wasn't just writing a story with an exploration of themes and you just told me to take what i want and force two characters together to make out, yeah id have ruby and adam tongue sloppy. who's gonna stop me

[banj0possum]

I wanna investigate your brain, see what's going on in there that helps you give detailed descriptions of characters and your writing/drawing skills 😭

Yes, I am in fact struggling to write essays due to my lack of will or just because I can't 😭🙏

only thing i can say is pinterest, movies, books

literally thats it

dont be afraid to use existing media as inspo for your writing, read similar works, look at pictures on pinterest to help you organize your thoughts and feelings!

impressionism and expressionism big big part of my writing

find a way to convey the feeling you want the reader to feel through writing

but never forget to put your little spin on your writingnngngn

also never use the same word twice and close together!! (thats a personal rule of mine)

like dont just use the ocean to describe blue eyes, use sapphire, a clear sky on a breezy day! use synonyms! go crazy!

hmm hmmm and and be concise, remember that you need your words to flow and such

detailed descriptions? uhhhh main inspo is TAWOG im not kidding

accurate but over the top roasts

a red dress? how would you describe the shade of red? the fabric? the design?

a fiery red silk dress that seemed to gleam in the dim lighting like a priceless treasure

be specific on the desciption!!

sparkle, glimmer, gleam, shine are subtly different

terrifying, eerie, horrifying, uneasy are subtly different

and also, dont forget to have fun! if its not fun to write, its not worth your time

if you have to write it, might as well make it fun to write!

do something that interests you or find ways to make the process more enjoyable for you!

thats kinda all i have for now :) hope it helps!!

[ladysomething]

oh hun, and anon whose birthday was Idk when (hbd by the way! and don't worry, you're still young, love) if you guys feel old, how am I supposed to feel (early 90s baby here) 😖

the only reason I have not gone insane this week over the lack of wygig, has been weariness. first time I'm actually thankful for my shitty working hours.

and you know who IS going insane?? my brother! who actually has normal working hours! good for you maddie, having a random man drooling across the world, crawling up walls waiting for your moment to come back. (talking as if I was not the same) and nahh, the fisting is nothing. they've seen me read this stuff for yeaaaars. well not exactly but you get what I mean

honestly I shall praise. I have nothing else to do right now, and as I can't over analyze this week's chapter, I must yap about why I love your way of writing. and over analyze the snippet.

1. your way of writing is one of my favorites in ao3. you have this talent to get in people's heads and make them NEED to see more. crack. cocaine. I guess my mom would be much more happy that her children are addicted to this rather than irl drugs. mad(s) respect for that.

2. you're kinda a mastermind as well. everything is so well thinked and planned. kudos to saiyanwitcher as well for helping you out with this one. beautiful.

3. your characterization kills it. look, I've NEVER met this people, let alone think they would actually be in this situation. but. if they had to go through something like it. this is the way I think they would be like. I can bet on it. swear even. it just. fits. lovely.

4. I love that you make these long chapters that feel like nothing. you just inhale them. every time I read you I'm always looking at the little bar in the screen that tells how far along we are. I just don't want it to end. but even if you leave a cliffhanger, the chapters always feel complete. like it was meant to finish there. no more no less no further ahead. perfect.

5. I love how you engage with us. feed us crumbs and see how the world sets in fire, sometimes going insane with us too. is just refreshing. I like to imagine you in your couch, throwing us a bone and laughing at how we go nuts about it.

+1. I love the Max crush that you created in me. thank you very much for that. lives were changed. eyes were opened.

+2. my brother and I were going crazy over jealous Charlie. I quote him "oh lui è innamorato. che bello. y no se da cuenta! sei molto stupido Charle" (that's 'oh he is in love. and he doesn't even realize! you are very stupid Charle' for you) Imagine that with angry hand movements and frustrated pacing through a kitchen with a pan on his hand. proper italian, my brother. lost some points throwing some spanish in there but I would still give him like a 8.3/10 for the performance. go and sink us even more in the stereotype/jk

+3. I was today years old when I found out saiyan was the way english speakers write saiyajin. I even had to google and triple check it because I wasn't sure whether it was actually like that or my dislexic brain was just messing with me.

all to say. I love everything you write. give me that fire changed my brain chemistry first. I also found out way too much later than I would've wanted that it was your fic as well. not today but still not so long ago. lovely beautiful thing it was too.

birthday anon started it!!!

also what can I say ... thats my sheer power .. random men drooling across the world ... 💅 but also, them knowing that you read that stuff and reading it with you is very different I fear.

thank you 😭😭 that's very kind, and I'm so happy that that's the effect it has. it's exactly the effect I want!

@saiyanwitcher is the real mastermind tbh. I just write it!

personally I think characterisation is one of my strongest points as a writer, so I'm glad that it hits for you like it does for me!

ahhh I'm so glad they go fast! sometimes I write a chapter and I'm like ... this is 10k of absolutely nothing .. how boring.

I do absolutely laugh, I'm sorry. I laugh a lot.

+1. I'm so glad I've encouraged you to see the light. my Max crush rages fiercely every single day.

+2. YOU'RE ITALIAN?! please remind your brother that my DMs are open if he and his gf break up.

+3. I'll be so for real. I have no idea what you're talking about.

omgggg I'm so glad you loved GMTF too. my fave fic of mine tbh.

thanks for dropping in as always!!

[margarine-archives]

Henlo! hope you ain’t to busy when i request this but, can you do a (platonic) expresso cookie x dragon! teen! reader, like all of a sudden expresso cookie is requested to aid in a research project of the reader? everything else is up to you! thanks so much in advance ^^ srry if it is a tad bit specific

An Injured Teen Dragon!Reader (Hybrid) with: Espresso Cookie !

notes: omg omg my main my dearly beloved. I've always wanted to write for mama espresso

- he was requested for an expedition, to look for a certain dragon who's in need of aid. Espresso saw less importance of it, also because anything with dragons isn't in his field of study

- so naturally, and because he already has a few projects due, he denied the request at first

- eclair told him to expand his knowledge on other fields other than coffee magic, and should try history once in awhile ! that was not the reason he accepted though (primarilly because he has lower interest in history, therefore less prioritized the subject)

- why should they need him in an expedition such as aiding a dragon though ? He has less knowledge about dragons and figured that eclair should have been more than enough for the mission, so naturally he lacked interest

- though eclair was already part of the mission, they needed him too.

- What caught his interest though, is that you are a hybrid from an old doughline thats gone extinct ! The knowledge of your existance only exists in books and old scrolls now

- ur a hybrid from a powerful doughline, your kind existed even before the dark flour war until a research group have been targeting your family for more knowledge, to research your kind and to make multiple test experiments on them

- now the same research group had found you, and has tried capturing you, and by the divines you were able to escape their trap. Now, you are currently in hiding

- word got out to parfaedia and while they are intrigued with your kind, abusing such power over innocent creatures is the least of what they want, hence, the council has decided on an rescue expedition alongside professional healers.

- espresso himself even despises this, and, after hearing the full story, agreed to go (also because he's willing to see the said hybrid cookie)

- when they had arrived, the same research team got to you before they did, and lets just say it was an hourly long battle..

- espresso carrying you to the balloon while the healers try and heal you as quick as possible, while latte is sheilding you guys from the front, trying to distract them simultaneously, eclair and the others are in the frontlines attacking the researchers, any sneaky researcher that dares sneak up near the balloon will face the wrath of coffee magic !

- though normally espresso would be in the frontlines fighting aswell, he was really more concerned about you rather than letting his anger out on those pesky researchers, you didn't deserve what you went through ! not your fault you're rare though

- despite the pity for you being used for the sole purpose of research, he can't help his own curiosity too. He's heard of such kind in historical scrolls but he's never met one !

- he thinks you are still young to even be used as a test subject, you have so much ahead of you and for that to be taken away by researchers is cruel !

- He wants you to live like any other cookie, not to die and just become part of history. You and your family don't deserve what you went through, if it werent for those researchers your kind wouldn't even go extinct !

- he knows its far too unsafe to let you go after you are healed, and the researchers basically know where your home is too. With this, he's taken you in under his care (he knows you still have potential too ! hes willing to make you strong again)

- he doesn't know what dragons eat, all he knows is that you eat star jellies too, thats about it. He's willing to hear you out on what food you like (so he can get them the next day)

- months after taking you in under his care, he got attached, only to find out that you're quite literally the only one in your family that isn't in a cage right now, so despite his busy schedule, he's your new parent now

- would probably train you with dark magic aswell

- his only break from coffee research is to take care of you, due to this, not much bonding time happens with the two of you. If you express how you feel to him then he'll be sure to make spare time for you from now on (admittedly you were kindof scared at first)

- madeline thinks this is good opportunity for him to take a break and get some rest, he tells you in private to take good care of him too, as he heavily neglects his own health

- quite embarassing that an adult is being taken care of by a teen hybrid

- you still have your dragon insticts, and you dont enjoy staying in one place for too long, so most of the time you ask him if you can go out, he agrees but comes along with you to ensure that you don't end up in a cage.. though on occasions where he's REALLY busy, he declines (he'd be far too worried about your safety than focusing on his work, and espresso hates distraction)

- mama espresso loves you very much and hopes that you can grow up and be just like him, powerful and strong ! he's willing to do anything in his power for you to atleast be able to defend yourself, because god forbid he'll start panicking if you've been gone for too long (and he wants you to go out in your own free will, and he wants to be able to NOT worry when you're outside

[comatosebunny09]

hi queen,

(sorry if this makes no sense whatsoever)

ok this is a rant and feel free to disagree with me but

I've been on LAD's twitter again and everyone was just at each others throats for "mischaracterizing" the LI's just because of some silly fics they've read.

And honestly, some people are bringing that toxic energy to Tumblr as well (I thought Tumblr was safe from those freaks but sadly not)

Like if you say you love Non- MC fics, oh god, they will drag you through hell and back.

But thats not the point,

What i am saying in my humble opinion is,

Your imagination is yours, Just because someone expects a character to have a specific behavior, that does not mean you have to obey it,

Like if you want to imagine this character as a Dom daddy, you do you boo 💕

No one should be allowed to stop you.

I'm sorry for this small rant and I just had to get it off my chest.

Please feel free to disagree on this (this is just my humble opinion)

Hello, lovely! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I hope you're doing alright today.

Ladstwt is a landmine. I avoid a majority of it. My block and muted list is extensive. If anyone gives me the slightest ick, I block them. It's important to curate your own experience, as many people fail to do because they expect you to tailor their experience for them.

This is the most toxic fandom I've ever been in. 😅😅😅 You can't sneeze the wrong way without someone shoving their fist up your ass and trying to puppeteer you. A majority of this fandom (from what I've gleaned) is young, so I expect them to behave the way they do. Idk. I don't argue with them. You get nowhere arguing with ignorance.

Like with twt, I block with a quickness here on Tumblr. I no longer see the discourse that carries over from twt to here, as I've blocked most of the blogs that stir the pot. Idk why people are so obsessed with being miserable or seeking a reason to be upset. There's no need to yuck up someone else's yum. Then again, I came up when the internet was lawless. There were no warnings for fics. You would just jump into something that looked interesting like

And if you weren't into it, you closed the page or kept scrolling instead of writing a dissertation on why that writer was terrible.

I agree 100%--you should write whatever makes you happy. At the end of the day, you are allowed to express yourself in a way you deem healthy. Just because other people don't resonate with it doesn't make you wrong. People today lack self-awareness and tact. As mentioned, people seem obsessed with being the loudest person in the room.

Never apologize for feeling how you feel. Your feelings are valid. You should block anyone who makes you uncomfortable or gives you the slightest feeling that they would conjure up or participate in discourse. You'll have a more peaceful experience here.

Hoping your day gets better, lovely. Unplug for a little bit and remember to breathe. You do and participate in what makes you happy. The world is full of supporting characters, and you're the main bad bitch of your story. ���️❤️❤️

[asphaltvalkyrie]

I had an extremely slow day at work today, so I chose to look busy by writing about BG3. Someone smarter than me has probably had this revelation before, but it gave me pause enough for me to feel like I need to share it.

I decided to romance Gale in my 2nd playthrough, with the intent of letting him get ahold of the Crown of Karsus, and its making me Feel Things.  I like this walking apocalypse of a wizard a lot (he and Karlach are my easy faves,) but its taken romancing him to really see that

tl;dr Gale's backstory really makes a handy allegory for gifted kid burnout.

From the beginning he was special, a golden child, someone who would do great things and go far. So, he ended up building his entire personality on that eventuality.  Older authority figures took a special interest in his talent and he immediately wanted nothing more than to please them, at the cost of making friends or learning life skills (well, except cooking apparently?) 

(Then there's the whole issue of him developing a sexual relationship with Mystra who was without a doubt considerably older than he was and had that "but he's so mature for his age," mindset and all the fuckery that comes with that holy shit I can't even begin to desconstruct how much that would fuck someone up.)

Then he makes a mistake. He breaks a rule he didn't know existed. Why doesn't he know that rule existed?  Because no one told him.  They conflated his intelligence with maturity and his self-confidence with knowing his own limits. They forgot that he's basically a kid compared to them. (Elminster is what, centuries old?  And Mystra is a fucking deity.) He lacks the emotional maturity to understand why what he did was so bad. 

Gifted kids know.  Among the absolute worst thing an adult can say to you is "I expected more of you," or "you should have known better." Which is pretty much what Elminster and Mystra said to him. And then they not only withdrew their attentions and support, but they also refused  to help him deal with the orb - an omnipresent physical and spiritual reminder of his trangression. After that... he just has no idea what to do with himself. He sits in his wizard tower until the Mind Flayers get him.

By the time the others find him, he's realized that the talent he used to get by on no longer serves him, but since he built his whole personality around it, he doesn't know how else to act.  So he maintains the bluff and bluster of a child prodigy, but he's now keenly aware of how pointless it is. He seems insufferably arrogant at times, but there's a razor-fine edge of self-loathing to that arrogance that he couches in self-aware humor. Over the course of his short time with the party he starts to feel like he's cared for and among friends, and even proves himself an attentive, affectionate and very grateful partner if you romance him.

Then Elminster shows up and tells him to atone for what he did by suicide bombing the Elder Brain. Bam, there goes his hope of finding a life outside of that "greatness" others told him he was destined for.  Once a gifted kid always a gifted kid.  Destined to be a human sacrifice on the altar of someone else's expectations, for good or ill. 

And in a semi-related note, when you take him through the Dryad's trial, the answer to the question "whats his biggest flaw" is that "he thinks the world would be better off with him dead" and he says that its very true, but he didn't realize it until you said it.

Then you find the Annals of Karsus, and what does he say he wants to do with it? Reforge the Crown of Karsus with it so that he can obtain godlike power and make the world better for mortals, and he wants to share it with you.  With how smart he is, he really should know thats a terrible idea. But he doesn't, because of a combination of hubris and naivete.  He learned absolutely zero lessons from the orb debacle because he hasn't really been allowed to learn any lessons beyond "I just have to do the thing I'm good at, only I have to try harder this time."

I'm only on the second netherstone, but I have a feeling that this is going to end very badly.

[thoustanofthe7thkingdom]

Thoughts I've had recently about freewill, value of people and capitalism

Ok firstly I don't believe in free will because I think every action is because of either one's nature or nurture and neither of these one has control over so in what sense does one have control of an action, from here on out I will assume that free will does not exist. I you can think of reason why it does do reblog or message me I'd be very interested. OK, I am still very sleep deprived but had a lot of fun writing the last post and felt like doing some more writing for shites gigs so here we are, I've been pondering this issue for a while I hopefully have something to say we shall see.

SO, if we look at society and assume that free will doesn't exist what function might this myth of agency have, I think it upholds many rightwing and neo liberal aguments, those who find themselves in difficult predicaments are because they not really trying hard enough, if only these homeless folks would just give it some gumption they'd be fiine but they're too lazy and here we are, right? CRT, or really any bring forth of systematic issues within society are responded too with agent based arguments, like those are the categories for issues to exist in?? Things are either beacuse the system is doing the bad or the people is doing the bad, this is not to say that assuming a lack of free will doesn't not mean that as agents(in the sense of there are decisions that are made in my head that effect the world) we are not subject to change and that this change is not gonna have an effect on the world, but any argument that claims that those suffering because of their own 'fault' whatever that means do not make sense to me, the whole like libertarian thing of 'its a jungle and you've gotted be the fittest to be the most survival' is so wack to me,

like where hierarchy exists because of moral worth, not in like an ethical morality but almost like aesthetic but not quite also I think, just a kind of intrinsic, you worked the hardest so you get all the cookies and those who have all the cookies have them because they worked the hardest and you don't have the cookies because you're not working hard enough, bitch. that kind of thing. Like this might be controversial, but i lowkey think that effort as a concept doesn't really make sense, like if you could put more effort into something then you would've done, and like if you didn't there will be reasons for that, but also I am totally a lazy bitch or maybe depressed idk but I am not very good at doing what people call putting in effort so this is likely a cope on my behalf but also I can't see how I'm wrong, like I think its just adhd and effort is the ability to delay gratification and I just like don't have that, I kinda think that I shouldn't have to lower my self worth just beacuse of that, that doesn't mean its not beneficial for me to work on it either but i think value of the self is a bad motivator for me beacuse I low key don't believe in a self that much but then things all get too wibbily wobbly post modern unromantic grey void-y for me to do anything I just have to go enjoy colours and tree for a bit. Digital footprint my goodness, lmao I'm so sorry to anyone trying to make sense of this with its wonki spelling and guerrilla approach to punctuation.

Back to why it's ok for me to do nothing at all, jk thats not what I'm saying, I think weather you have free will or not living a happy life is a nice experience and doing nothing at all is not a happy life, so weather its my choice or not its still a better decision to go with doing stuff than not and this old rust bucket *smacks head* does sometimes make better decisions on special occasions. and i think weather its correct or not its gonna have self worth regardless, like obviously, beacuse loads of stuff is wrapped up in self worth. Like even if you know beauty stardards are bs, you are still capable of getting an eating disorder, the slot machine is always gonna win but monkey brain like when the numbers go bing so get fucked egghead.

I kinda think this is what it comes down too is numbers right, all these nunber lines everyone is placing everything on, like he's a 6, that film was 2 stars, xe makes 4 billlion dollars. Is that what a salery should represent for the liberation utopian, a perfect and natural divination of someone's worth to society, beacuse of how good they are, as this being that does things, like that the american dream right, not matter who you are, if you've got the magic you get the limo and you fucking deserve that limo, you've earnt it.

Anyway toodles for now if you made it this far, hope this was fun to read it was very fun to write I'm gonna do more of these

[cannibal-nightmares]

probably ssmi-disturbjng nonsensical vent ramble because I can't sleep

thinking about how i van get free councilling from the local college from to-be shrinks in training--thinking abt how id be some college yuppies pipedream (or nightmare), a schizo in the flesh. i donf actually restrict defining myself as schizophrenic, but-sorry-the things I need therapy for agitate me so bad, I'll admit it, and I'd want a seasoned professional if I want to get anywhere beyond teaching someone like a lab rat; thats not lack of compliance, its self-awarness. tbh I will actually probably try this route but i also know too clear the reality.

the reason I care about this at all all of a sudden is: I've reallized just what it's going to look like. i need help i do i want to see these doctors and i *have* do you hear me i *have* and I've *tried* and I *continue* to try; I've let them poke at me and ask questions and drag me along--each time, whether they notice it or not, whether it becomes morethanclear, whether I noticed in the moment and say it out loud or if I keep it to myself or if I realize it afterwards, each time i hear overwhelming voices and see stuff. I learned recently rhat my last doc wrote almost a mini psych eval at each meet we had, and in her notes, on each day, she wrote something like "patient is calm, not anxious" etc, but did you know every time I saw her, the room would melt and it was so distractinf. jve had docs get annoyed with me for carrying around a list or script but man I can't remember anything or form any words when everything around me is sinking into the floor. this is all to say, this is all to say, if I want my medical help to be successful, I need someone in my corner to say, "Hey, he might be schizo but please god listen to him," and learne better coping skills even though my current skills are so off the shits at this point that I ended up teaching my last,shrink from a year ago new things aaahhh I just need it in writing that I am not dangerous they all have gotten so scared of me when it's just me who's terrfied of them and forces beyond fhem.

it's a long long story at this point but they're trying to refer me to a neurologist again. which *is* what my original goal was (because thats where my original pcp had me). and I *will* follow through if the path leads there. but. i have so many physical problems now I (also?) want them to redo a general exam. tbh I kinda thought thatsnwhere they'd restart.these people don't know me at all. eleven minutes, she spoke to me for 11 minutes. when I had a regular pcp, one ofnthe *first* things I mwntipned was a weird pain in my left side right behind my bottom ribs. it was dull an inconsistent but I told her. she poked at it, etc, ans told me, quote--I will never forget this--"there's not really much over there that this could be." nothing? oh really nothing? is there just a void in my abdomen over there? im saying this because it's still a problem. ofc it's only gotten worse. it's sharp and it moves around tjat general area. and it wakes me up and scares me. why did they leave me to the wayside why am I still here. I feel like that is/was such an easy look-at than all of my nerve problems and yet? also I repeated myself every time I saw her that it was still an,issue. "it's too expensive to--" ok money means nothing to me if I'm dead. if this was a little thing that has exploded into life or death, I'm going to lose my mind.

im convinced im a dead man walking. I don't think im actively dead, but that im good as dead. my second best plan of action is to wait for the jnsurance market to open november 1st, my first best plan is only the best if I get the gamble and the timing right--high risk high reward. ill be honest, I've thought about walking into an er and admitting myself but they're going to focus on the wrong thing; the social worker I saw recentlyn was concerned for my mental health, sure, but she was more concerned and angry for me that my physical issues have been strung along from day one. if I'm not already insane, fhis is going to drive me to the edge. it already has. ill admit I've thought about doing stupid reckless things to land me somewhere closer to where I need to be. thisnsystem is going to eat me Alive I know it; the best case scenario is in 10 years (if I live thatclong) I will look back on all of this as an embarrassingly funny memory.

fheres *one* thing I haven't mentioned to a single soul yet but it's because idk how. it's like a beast in cage that hasn't realized the door is open yet. I have some major delusions around *it* and idk how to face it alone. but I also don't knownhow to invite anyone into this world. thisnis also why I wouldn't mind a shrink. byt I'm a special case aren't I? I hate it. I don't want to be special. I literally sound like a TV stereotype don't I.

I'm shooting blind shots in the dark at this point why are people mad at me that nothing is landing? I have this constant g overwhelming feeling of I want to go home. i want a hug and i want to go home. There is no physical home is there im in my room rn and I want to go home it's pathetic at this point. I didn't wait. do you hear me? I didn't. I've been in this since the end of 2021. where are we? why didn't they listen to me? I keep finding myself asking that. I know thisnwhole thing is just me repeating myself but there is literally nothing else I can do rn. all I can rn is wait for my nurse to reply back to me. my nerves are on fire and they keep waking me up as cruel reminders. I just want to go home. I am selfishly tired of being the strong one at work. why is it always me? selfishly, why? in one breath im the crazy untrustable young schizo and in the next breath I am the battering ram, the pillar, the mediator, the steady voice of reason. verstehst?? "mad is the man forced to feel the emotion he is forbidden to have at the same time." I,dont wanf to talk about it, I just want to go home.

"I slide off the spectrum, I don't fall anywhere. I'm not counting errors."