#i can't even remember how it started
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it's blake's turn for a messy sketch (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
#vitalis au#blake belladonna#strqyr.png#ive been. writing wf backstory stuff for past week#'writing' as in editing and changing my mind ten times over stuff#i can't even remember how it started#but it very quickly turned into 'sienna has to handle three grieving and very angry at the world orphan kids'#so i would say it's going. well.
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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I love your art so much. There is something so distinctive about how tender and warm you draw Vasco and Machete and I love it all it just makes my heart melt. I love the dynamic of the catholic queer identity you have for them it's so distinctive and you do it so well. Keep up the amazing work, you are honestly one of my favorite if not my favorite artist you bring me so much comfort with your work.
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#I can't really articulate how much it means to me to hear all of this#all of this Vasco+Machete stuff is something that had been stewing within me for years before I started to draw and post it publicly#I distinctly remember feeling so embarrassed and awkward and reluctant to share my OC lore and such#because I was certain that the religious angle would make it instantly unrelatable and unpalatable#or even upsetting to some viewers which isn't my intention#all of these aspects are significant to me personally but I genuinely didn't think that catholicism history furries and queer themes#would be a combination that so many people would be willing to accept and examine so readily#let alone find comforting and worth engaging with#answered#porchpoltergeist#I'm still fighting the “oh no I'm so cringe aren't I” dread on a regular basis#I suspect it's never going to go away entirely#but that might be the cost of letting a bunch of people see you do something you're unironically passionate about I suppose
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>thinks about how Gregor's kind of relegated himself more to the background in more recent chapters >thinks about how Gregor in the book kept hiding himself away to be less of a burden to his family, as his own health continued to worsen until he eventually died.
Oh no....
#limbus company#gregor lcb#i don't think he's going to die but there's definitely something unaddressed he's bottling up#i swear there was a scene where he's speaking and then there's some cracking noise that's implied to be his bug arm#i can't remember where but. how long till he has another 'episode'?#how long till the arm starts going crazy again?#is he going to isolate himself even more after that?
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Day 2: Timeloop / Xiao Qi and Jiu Ge
I am cringe and I am not even free
Feel free to reuse this idea but 24 hours are not enough for me to finish an entire comic. I could have taken the simpler prompt but nOOOOOO timeloop is too tempting. Past me why are we like this
#svsss#shen jiu#yue qingyuan#qijiu#qijiuweek2024#the basic idea for this was that both yqy and sj remember each loop#the loop started after their individual deaths in PIDW and resets them to close to disciple era#aka the time Yue Qi was in the caves and SJ presumably got away from the Qiu household or was already with Wu Yanzi#I imagine the first few loops they qi deviated so hard from the shock that they didnt even make it like 1 hour in the loop before beingrese#and then had a few loops just fucking around and finding out#eventually they realise that the other has the memories of all loops and so begins the talks and figuring how tf they can get out of this#maybe they resolve their issues with the promise or not your choice tbh#they try different plans and methods#but they keep dying (read: SJ keeps dying first and YQY either dies or sewerslides not soon after) and getting reset with no end in sight#until the last pages where the svsss timeline begins#SJ got replaced with SY and the system isn't letting YQY join him in death or smth nor letting him do anything about SY being there instead#And due to their closeness from being immensily tired from all the loops#YQY notices it immediately but can't do anything about it#the bonus for SY is that this timeline was very kind to LBH & co - 79 figured by now that keeping him in the sect and happy was their best#bet at staying alive - or well at least for longer#I'll continue this storyline in one of the future prompts of this qijiu week#btw the one with the cliff is just the whoopsie daisy timeline where SJ accidentally falls into the Abyss trying to keep LBH from falling i#79 had a bit of a good laugh about that one#cw death#cw violence#cw blood#cw angst
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just. came across this panel and got unexpectedly and wildly emotional about aizawa becoming a dad. because like. he cares about his students, he's shown time and time again that he'll push them and fight for them against villains and the media and he'll go to his last breath to protect them but like. they're hero students and he's their teacher and he's tough and strict because he has to be to keep them alive. but then like--
it's morning and he's doing her hair. he's got the hair ties with the little baubles on them and he's doing her hair and she's been through so much crap and aizawa's never shown being demonstrably affectionate or enthusiastic around her the way that izuku and mirio are but like. he's been her dependable quiet shadow every time she's shown up in the manga so far, and he doesn't have to be strict or tough with her because what she needs isn't someone to teach her how to save others, it's someone that she can trust to be there when she needs, someone she can trust to do her hair with little bauble hair ties in the morning.
#i'm rambling i'm like incoherent#i'm sorry i literally just got to this panel and started? crying??#it's FINE i have more thoughts but they're all wrapped up in oboro and eri and how they both underwent experimentation that#remade them so much that they can't remember how to want things or like things or smile#and. how both of them are tied so inextricably to aizawa and aizawa doesn't even know about oboro yet at this point#but like. i want those two to meet#and i also want to explore how aizawa's survivor's guilt intersects with this whole mess bc like.#him becoming a dad--like everything else--is in some way tied up in that trauma#i jsut don't have words for it rn#aizawa shouta#eri bnha#tt reads bnha
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When we find out that the elves were spirits there's a whole debate about whether or not we should tell people. Why don't we do that when we find out that some of the core beliefs of Andrastianism are a lie?
#I would be telling everybody.#veilguard spoilers#what's the downside?#Oh no; the Chantry; who has been abusing its power for centuries; might lose some of its power?#People might start to question things and stop blindly believe in the Chantry's way of viewing and teaching things?#Gasp! The horror!#Like I know why we told no one about the elves. Those were some very good points and I agree with keeping that one quiet#But why can't I tell people and the Chantry that the Chant of Light is wrong actually#Also it could have brought up interesting discussions about what's more important: faith or truth?#Because faith has a place in people's lives and in society. Is that worth preserving even if it's proven false?#How do you reconcile that? What do you do with all that misplaced faith now?#It would've been a neat topic to get into.#I know had some really good points to say about this topic when I was walking home from work last night but I don't remember them#Maybe I should start recording myself ranting about stuff while I walk so i can go back and pick out the good parts
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imagine...
...that some things have changed (including some marigold ventures?) and Atlas May is like uh oh both lackadaisy & i are doomed, but if i set up my own death maybe only i'll be doomed and lackadaisy might have to shutter but perhaps more so on involved people's terms, such as mitzi being fine financially, but also if she thinks it's her fault that'll be good for maintaining my posthumous Image to her, perhaps she did some defrauding again? and i'll have mordecai, my trusted & effective gunman, be the one to fatally shoot me, & of course he doesn't want to, but it's Mere Work Ethic time, what's he gonna do besides argue at all maybe, ultimately refuse? (no) and he may hate it but he's not going to want to fully turn on mitzi or anything after because then what would have been the point
#the power of images to incoherently posit my Ideas#can't be concise but Can frame this completely with What If Atlas Did This Thing#if i start with ''so mordecai killed atlas'' there's no time to be like ''not cuz he wanted to; yeah no he wouldn't betray him;'' etc#but see: my tag:#mitzi and mordecai murder mystery#lackadaisy#mitzi may#mordecai heller#i bet that horatio absolutely did not ever do that. chaisis is trying to be a play on crisis btw#bristling fugue moments? don't try to verify it#for the life of me i couldn't find that one specific edit that ends with the ''I Want To Dream....'' dialogue doesn't it lmao. nevertheless#kind of what i meant to make when i ended up drawing Lackabowling & mordico. nicodecai. mordenico. you understand#not sure anyone can understand i'm trying to convey ''if mordecai had to noscope atlas (from afar i bet) a second would pass Very Slowly#from his perspective. how useful if he even has clock sound effect leitmotifs established'' or anything else. have fun be yourself. Post!#corned beef#(ha only now do i remember ''that's completely ambiguous whether it's a second or minute hand'' zoinks#oh well: A Second Feels Like Fifteenish or Mordecai Is Just Standing There Emoji For A Full Minute....either way i guess)
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i think a lot of the soulless clover revival fics that make them start to kill in the very first reset does not give clover (or flowey) nearly enough credit
#there's one fic I read that had a good justification for it but the rest..... hm#clover is not going to start killing people just because they can't feel emotions as strongly as they used to now#especially if this is post true pacifist clover we are talking about#it took flowey exhausting literally every other option just for him to even start to consider the thought of killing#and even then he didn't like the idea of it. the entire buildup to it he was saying I don't like this and trying to justify it to himself#for someone like clover who so strongly believes in the good of monsterkind I think it would take them at least as long as flowey to break#if not longer#and who's to say that they would even start killing in the first place#flowey started killing because everyone around him was predictable and did the exact same things every time to the point of boredom#but clover has flowey. friendly or not friendly flowey still remembers resets and wouldn't do the exact same thing every reset#flowey's very existence would prevent clover from reaching the same level of boredom that flowey did because there's always something new#at the end of the day clover and flowey are different people that will react to the same situation differently#to make it work you can't just retread flowey's experience. you have to consider how clover would react and change the situation accordingl#that's what I think anyways. cool concept but execution falls short more often than not imo.#my ramblings
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Yuma's unshakable trust in Astral makes me cry every time
#Yuma doesn't even think twice about jumping in and defending Astral every time#He just trusts Astral so much#When Mr. Heartland said that Astral was a bad guy Yuma immediately got angry and started defending Astral#and also with Luna he talked in defense of Astral#and even when Astral started to have doubts about himself Yuma was quick to reassure him#because he knows that Astral is a good person#and no one will change his mind#Yuma is like “Yes I know that Astral is weird and arrogant and sometimes makes no sense but he's a good person and I'm sure of it”#He has no idea about what the Numbers are but he knows Astral and that is enough for him to know that they can't be completely bad#and he is sure that Astral will never misuses them because he knows Astral better than anyone and he trusts him!#he trusts him even when Astral doesn't trust himself#and Yuma's trust is so important to Astral#he remembers so little about himself and doesn't know what he really is but Yuma cares so much about him#to the point that even his “baseless confidence” is enough to reassure Astral#because Yuma's power of believing in people is one of the things that Astral admires and loves the most about Yuma#and Yuma believing in him gives Astral hope that he will be alright#Astral even said that Yuma believing in him without hesitation made him happy#These two make me feel too many emotions#they are everything to me#I will probably talk about these scenes in future posts because I love them#but for now I wanted to have all of them in the same spot#I love this manga so much I want to talk about every scenes of it#(and seeing how much manga posts I have in my drafts that is likely to happen)#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#yugioh zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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going through some old left-for-dead projects and just found this one where I was like. INTENT on dissecting jeff's brain on the operating table (i.e. google docs) but only from todd's weird skewed pov
[professor voice] it's about brothers as eternal combatants and it's about being so convinced of your own goodness you excuse your shitty actions. it's also about comparing yourself to a dog because you feel less fully formed than your brother. lol.
#“so-and-so is an irredeemable character with no depth” jokes are funny sure but unfortunately i'm unable to not take things seriously#anyway: i remember people being like [about hymnal] this is crazy! this fraternal dynamic is so fucked up! and being kind of non-plussed#because the dynamic i wrote into the fair folk wip [this one] was like fifty thousand times more. argh. bites#THIS WASN'T EVEN SCRATCHING THE SURFACE#also i've always been an advocate of writing cruel characters with sympathy because the best feeling as a reader is when#you're reading and start nodding along with a particular guy and have to take a step back and recoil at how receptive you were to them#when the character is kind and jolly and cares but he's still letting the abuse happen under his nose :eyes:#anyway this ALSO isn't an accurate jeff portrait because todd's pov is weird and jaded and sardonic at the beginning of the story#and also he's like three seconds away from exploding. lol#hm. i never explained it to myself fully [probably why i never finished this] but i think the issue was that#todd is Too understanding and he's perceptive enough to see everyone's motivations but that makes it worse because now he's too#not forgiving. but he can excuse people's actions very easily#and thus when people actually do shitty things and it makes him mad he can't really justify being mad to himself - but he still is#and this makes him sooooo volatile. and becomes a problem later on in the wip when he's trying to work on cameron#because understanding isn't the ending point you have to do the action sometimes! lol!#goddamn. i miss writing this au.#dead poets society#tristan writes#dps#dps fic#todd anderson#jeff anderson#SORRY THIS IS VERY LONG. I JUST REDISCOVERED THIS AND IT BROUGHT A LOT OF MEMORIES BACK.
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"I gotta have you talk about Barkov a little bit... 'cuz, you know, he's your Captain but like... What should we know that we don't know about this guy? He's so quiet, he keeps a low profile—I'm sure that's by design—but he's the quietest, incredible superstar that...When Chris Pronger was working there (VP of Hockey OPs/Senior Advisor from 2017-2020), I remember he used to say to me, 'Hey, this guy is a Top 5 player in the game.' Even when nobody was even putting him in the Top 10 at that time, you know? But what makes him so great? What do you know about him now that you thought you knew before you got there?" "You know, well, everything—because I'm with you! I knew he was in the league, I knew he was a great player but playing on the other side—I'd see him play twice a year and I wouldn't watch that much and I had no appreciation for how good he was. But the answer—I'm gonna give you an answer about Barkov and it's not gonna be good enough... 'cuz I can't answer that question about him yet, I still haven't gotten to figure it out. I don't know to do it justice but he's this extreme perfect blend of absolutely no ego and an incredible drive to be better at the same time. So usually the guys that are really driven have a bit of an ego. Ego's not bad always, right? Maybe I'm using the wrong word to describe it but he will put his teammates and his—everything—first, and it won't bother him one bit! That's exactly the way he wants it! He doesn't want to be the first guy out, he doesn't want to—it's not that he doesn't want to do interviews because of the media! Talk to this guy! You walk in our room—you don't know hockey and you don't know names—you can't tell if he's the 1st forward or the 13th forward by the way he treats people. That's absolutely the truth! And the reason he's not appreciated as much as a player is: I have never, ever once seen him even remotely cheat to the offensive side of the game to score a point. He just won't do it. That doesn't mean he's sitting back defensively! He doesn't give a rat's ass about his point totals, he just wants to win. So he's never gonna put the numbers up that he could. If Barky decided he was gonna generate points—if somebody'd convince him, 'Hey, Barky! If you just cheat the game and score—we'd got a better chance of winning!' I don't know, [he'd put up] 120, 130 points? Like he is brilliant but he will never, ever put the game—you know, what? He wouldn't put himself in front of the game. The game demands certain things and you can't get past that no matter how good you are. There are certain things you got to do in this game and usually those are hard things... he'd never once put himself in front of the game." "You can't score 120 or 130 without cheating a little bit, right? It's just a real—" "Yeah, except those guys don't call it cheating! They call it anticipating. Bad players cheat, good players anticipate." "They see things before they happen, Paul! That's what happens!" "Exactly, exactly!"
The Cam & Strick Podcast | 9.24.24 (x)
#paul maurice#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2425#woe paul waxing poetic about sasha for (looks at stopwatch) almost 3 minutes be upon ye#this specific segment is so special to me#“im gonna give you an answer about Barkov and its not gonna be good enough cuz I can't answer that question about him yet”#PAUL#my favourite thing about all of this is even in a hypothetical situation where sasha suddenly started scoring more points#hed have to be convinced into by a teammate and that its for the good of the team#you see paul realise none of this sounds realistic and then adds the whole hey barky! wed get a better chance of winning if you-#utterly hilarious paul was like this sounds too ooc of sasha i have to fix this#and then drops that fucking bombshell like jfc paulson#sasha no ego my beloved#do you remember when they brought up the whole baby barky thing to paul and he started going on a whole monologue about#how different lundy and sashas games are and that ssha will always ALWAYS put the team first in all his decisions#and lundy differs in that sometimes he'll be more offensively minded if and when he can#yeah? yeah :)#also the anticipating bit#you can tell paul is relaying what players have been whining to him for years when he scolds them not to cheat LMAOOO#LIKE OKAY PAUL YOU ARE SO TIRED HUH#also rat's ass. topical!#he doesnt give a rat's ass about points but he certainly does care about one (1) special rat's ass#also this man monologues for so long i love him but please let me live man
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my favorite scully moments from s2
after the x-files are shut down, she gets moved to teach at the academy, and in episode 1 she does a little monologue on how a person’s body is a physical manifestation of a lifetime, which one of the students describes as “spooky”
when mulder sneaks off to puerto rico in the same episode, she goes into his place to try and figure where tf he went, and prevents his sneaking about being caught by the investigators who broke into his home with the power of feeding his fish
lecturing about the dangers of eating raw steak in episode 2, then getting lost down a rabbit hole of worm science
when no one was answering the door in episode 3, she just walks in. this made me laugh hysterically, i cannot explain. both of these guys WILL enter your home.
every single time she is a bit of a medical nerd, like when she learns about the surgery that allowed people to survive without sleep in episode 4, which she describes as “incredible”
(and the freckles + flower earrings combo were also a fave)
when she scans the piece of metal that came from duane barry in a grocery store in episode 6, and the cash register goes crazy. and she denies involvement and just walks away LMAOOO <- honestly i'd do the same!!
she wakes up from her coma in episode 8 and wants to write a thank you note to the nurse that took such good care of her, only to learn no such nurse ever existed. scully got to witness the paranormal for once!!!!
in episode 9, someone brings up a volcano scientist in conversation, and she says she had heard he was brilliant, which means that somehow she is keeping up with volcano news. she is a woman of many layers.
being deeply worried about this scared looking grad student she just met, and once again not waiting for an answer to enter her room and figure out if she is okay
(and when said grad student is being consumed by a fungus, scully thinks quickly enough to get herself locked behind a door, keeping herself safe, despite being handcuffed and otherwise looking death by fungus in the face)
in episode 11, mulder walks into his office, only to learn she has been there and has been going through his stuff since 6 in the morning. queen of getting results!
in the same episode, an old man overdoses on mushroom pills, and she shifts into Doctor Mode, yelling about “ventricular fibrillation” and “milligrams of lidocaine” and it was, like every other time she goes Doctor Mode, so deeply satisfying to watch
when she meets the two cops in episode 12, and can immediately tell they are having an affair and that the detective is pregnant, and despite the detective pleading with her not to tell a soul, the absolute MILLISECOND she is reunited with mulder, she spills the tea. and he is SHOCKED! <- arguably my favorite moment in the entire series so far
(and, to make the woman feel more comfortable, she confesses to also having had feelings for coworkers before which. elaborate on that, please)
but she really does care; when the detective ends up in the hospital, scully brings her a change of clothing <3
when she is so shaken by what she sees in episode 13 that she goes to the FBI’s onsite therapist; she’s too scared to tell mulder how she feels because “i don’t want him to feel like he has to protect me”
(as if there was ever going to be a choice; he is the protector and he Will protect, it's just his nature)
((and then later sobbing into his arms, realizing she doesn’t have to always put on a front))
toads start falling from the sky in episode 14, so she rationalizes that they likely came from a nearby tornado. this is a scully-approved theory.
they’re investigating a murder in the same episode, and a teenager starts pouring her absolutely horrific trauma out to both of them, scully holds her while she sobs into her jacket
honestly any time either of them know weird information, i love it. she says that it would take hours for a snake to eat a man and then weeks for it to digest in episode 14, and mulder makes some funny remark but it’s sooo endearing to me. she knows her snake facts.
then in episode 15, she notes poison in someone’s blood, but specifically that the poison comes from pufferfish eaten in Japan… girl i’m crying, she just knows stuff!
during that same case, they get rooms near each other like always, and she knocks on a door thinking it’s mulder’s. he doesn’t answer. she walks in and hears water running, so she just talks to him through the door to the bathroom. and i love this so much. i love that they are close enough to just walk into each other’s rooms and talk from behind the door while the other showers. it’s such married behavior.
working on the case in episode 16, we see her at home wearing a flannel, checking her computer, still serving looks but now giving casual
(and seeing the art she keeps on her walls- little postcards of beach scenes <3)
in the same episode, she knows mulder left to go get himself in trouble, so she bursts into skinner’s office to ask for help. but she feels bad for barging in on skinner, so she apologizes to him. which was very sweet.
when mulder is gone, she goes to his apartment to look for clues, and falls asleep on his couch
(and when X knocks on the door, she knows he is hiding something, and screams at him to tell her where he is)
this whole monologue from episode 17, which i loved more than life itself:
“several aspects of this case remain unexplained, suggesting the possibility of paranormal phenomena. but i am convinced that to accept such conclusions is to abandon all hope of understanding the scientific events behind them. many of the things i have seen have challenged my faith and my belief in an ordered universe, but this uncertainty has only strengthened my need to know, to understand, and to apply reason, to those things which seem to defy it”
(and that is just Her, isn't it? the need to understand, to rationalize. the worldview shaped on science- if she doesn't understand something, it's because a key piece is missing, and she'll find it. because the world Has to work that way, has to be bound by a greater logic, even if it is yet to be understood. to imagine otherwise would be impossible, to imagine otherwise would be to abandon hope in everything, and she cannot abandon hope)
((and maybe the idea that the world being something she cannot perfectly comprehend is a failing of her own understanding makes me a little emotional. but still))
she says that the whole loaves and fishes deal was a parable in episode 21; she is not a biblical literalist
(she then makes some sassy remark about things generating spontaneously, and mulder laughs in the corner. good to know he thinks she is funny)
every single time she answers the phone, she says “mulder, it’s me”, and idk i just think it’s so endearing
she thinks she might have been infected with a killer disease in episode 22, but mulder calls, so she tells him she’s okay and to take care of himself out there.... those are the last words she chooses, just in case they never talk again </3
and every time she says unsettling things, like “could be the residue of burnt human flesh” or “darkness covers a multitude of sins”, both in episode 23, i eat that up
reassuring her student who has just become a detective that she is doing just fine!!!
and then going to said student's funeral when things do not turn out fine... she loves her students that she taught for like 3 months so much :(
getting pulled aside by skinner and her bosses after mulder just acted wild in episode 25, and denying that she had seen any top secret files even though they say they will fire her if she lies lmaooo <- she is a ride or die!!!
but also going to his place, demanding assurance that she is doing the right thing by assisting him, and i love that. i love a character who will break all of the rules as long as they believe they are doing the thing that is morally Right, and that definition is so deeply her own, but she is committed to it, and she'll do anything to stick by it. and he just says something about getting the code that he wants broken, and despite how awful he's being, she goes through with it anyway because it's the Right thing to do.
later, her being the one to realize that mulder should not leave the house after his father was killed because he will be the prime suspect (he does not listen to this sound advice)
he stumbles into her place with a million degree fever, and she carefully lays him down in her own bed, despite the fact that he is soaked in his dead father's blood. and she takes care of him.
this one honestly deserves its own post because it is so incredible, but: shooting mulder with enough precision to get him to knock off his wild behavior that was going to make him look like he killed his dad, but not actually HURT him, then finding out krychek was putting LSD in his water, knocking him out, and driving 2 days to New Mexico to get him where he needed to be. AFTER he had been acting wild because he was inadvertently drugged, and had accused her of spying on him and being a traitor. that level of love is deep. very very deep. she is a Lover.
#this is a reupload because i made a typo on the og post and i couldn't bear it so. v2. sorry to all who witnessed v1.#i'm trying to remember what i had said in the tags originally.#something about how she is just one of the characters of all time#she's smart... like when she figured out how to save mulder from alien poison or that he was going to make himself look guilty#and she's kind- when she let some random kid sob into her jacket and brought the detective clothes and tended to drugged out mulder#and she is brave- being willing to disobey her bosses to do the right thing and shoot mulder to save him and admit when she is scared#(even though she originally would not do such a thing- that is character development)#and she is funny but it's dry and understated so it doesn't get the appreciation it deserves#yes this whole post and tags are just a dana scully love post and that is okay. in many ways this is a love account.#hope to start s3 tomorrow because i'm not feeling well today but who knows... maybe i will suddenly perk up and feel better#and we can get started tn? can't rule it out i guess#dana scully#the x files#txf
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ngl I think I give up on tumblr.
#like i mostly joined to meet people who enjoyed the same interests such as me#as I don't have that many irl#and while I have some amazing mutuals#it's just such a solitary experience as a writer#I get we are all busy but idk it feels very excluding#also don't let me get started on how my writing gets treated#I'll take myself somewhere else#I don't plan on writing any fanfics for the foreseeable future as I plan on focusing on other stuff#but if I do I'll probably only post ao3#much less effort#like today I got two lovely comments while I can't even remember when I last got a comment on tumblr#sorry for always complaining about this but i truly give up#I'll just use this to interact with the few writers I enjoy
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