My Brothers, Corrupted
Chapter 1 : Section 2 : The Way That We Live
Marvin has been kidnapped by Anti and quickly punished for attempting to approach Dapper, who is forced to live alone in the attic. Red, badly wounded but already growing attached to the newcomer whom Anti promises will soon become his “twin,” waits anxiously upstairs to see what will happen to his tortured brothers. Twins Doktor and Trick are just doing their best to stay out of harm’s way in the chaos of a new brother in the house, but there is no such thing as a promise of safety in this house.
Trigger warnings: (not necessarily a complete list! Please tell me if you need others added up here because I’m just trying to remember what’s in here) blood, torture, hypnosis, discussion of psychosis, extreme distress, and abuse, including infantilization of a disabled character and abuse between brothers (this tag refers to an ego other than Anti being rough with one of his brothers).
Find this chapter’s masterlist here.
Part Two of Chapter One: The Way that We Live
immabethehero asked: Marvin.... Anti's a glitch. I've heard of a type of glitch that can be taken out with Mountain Dew Red. The drinks not around anymore, but if you can find it, give to Anti.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes, I understand!”
“Are you going to break my rules again?”
“No, no, no, no!”
“You’re going to be a good boy?”
“I’m going to be good! I’m going to be so good, please, please!”
“Say ‘good boy.’ I want to hear you say you’ll be a good boy.”
“I’ll be a good boy, Anti, I’ll be a good good boy, I’ll be a good little kitty cat, I’ll do everything you say, I - ”
“Good, good. Okay. Okay. We’re done, see? We’re done.”
Sobbing, hard.
“Now you know. Now you understand, yes? We don’t have to do this again if you’re good. Okay. It’s okay. Hey, hey. Look at me. There you go, oh, nice boy. Poor thing, come on, don’t cry.”
He wipes tears and blood from Marvin’s face. Dapper is unconscious at his feet. Possession takes a lot out of you.
“Just had to teach you to follow the rules,” murmurs Anti.
He kisses Marvin’s forehead and carefully unlocks his chains, helping him sink gently to the floor. Sitting down beside him, Anti pulls Marvin to his chest and begins to stroke his hair, slow, careful, running his fingers against his scalp until Marvin’s crying has reduced to a low whimper.
“There, not so bad,” murmurs Anti, sighing. “Not so bad. Now say thank you.”
Blue stares, dead-eyed, at the floor. “Thank you,” he rasps. “Thank you.”
Anti kisses the side of his head and rises. He glances down at Dapper, sighs, and then reaches down to pick him up. You realize that Dapper was not, in fact, unconscious, just playing dead - his hands, shaking, wrap around Anti’s shoulders as he clings to him.
Anti carries him up the stairs. The door falls shut again. For a long moment, you sit with Marvin in silence. It’s been hours. Most of the day is gone. The whole house is silent.
“Mountain Dew Red,” he whispers, and then bursts into laughter, collapsing onto the floor, staining his white dress shirt crimson.
spicydanhowell asked: marv you're gonna be okay, don't pass out. he won't kill you.
“Not going to be okay,” whispers Marvin, though, for your sake, he tries to keep his eyes open. “Not okay… none of this is ever going to be okay… once it was just me I thought about… but I didn’t and now here I am…”
He is slicked in blood.
“With Jameson’s hands,” he whispers. “My baby brother. All my brothers, strung up like puppets… is that… is that going to happen to me too? Is this - ”
He chokes and spits something up, shaking hard. “Is this what he did to all of them too? And I wasn’t here? Did he torture my brothers like th-this? I c-can’t… I want… I wish I was never… please…”
musical-in-theory asked: Hey you’re still you. You’re responding to your name. Host hold on. We’ll help you get through this
Marvin laughs and cries, smiling at you with stained teeth. “Thank you,” he gasps desperately. “Thank you, yes, at least you still know who I am. At least someone will be here who isn’t his. Hey, will you - if he gets me, will you - will you remember who I was? Please, I don’t want - oh, I’m scared to die without dying.”
Anonymous asked: ...Did the others hear all that?
You try to reset your connection with Doktor and Trickshot and find them farther away than they’ve ever been. In fact, they’re a couple miles away, and as the feed returns, you see them sitting in a laundromat side-by-side, their hands resting close together.
Neither of them bothers with “hear what?”
“The basement’s pretty sound proof,” mumbles Trick. “But it’s not like we don’t know.”
“Dapper though,” whispers Doktor.
“It’s been a long time,” says Trick. “A long time since Dapper was in the basement.”
oasisofgalaxies asked: We’ll always remember you Marvin. We can’t forget you, Marvin the Magnificent. Damn me if I do. And I’ll remind you if you forget. I think we all will.
“You’re sweet!” he laughs, trying to sit up. “Thank you, fuck. You know I haven’t t-talked to much of anyone in the past few months. It has been… lonely, you know…”
He sits back against the wall, breathing hard. “Fuck, I’m so tired,” he mumbles.
spicydanhowell asked: carver? what's going on?
Your link with Carver re-establishes, but your camera was dropped in all the commotion, and now you’re lying sideways on the floor outside of the attic bedroom. Inside, you can see his legs on the bed, turned towards one of the walls, but he doesn’t answer you. He doesn’t move at all.
There are faint bloodstains on the floor, but they could be Marvin’s, tracked upstairs from standing on the floor of the basement. You aren’t sure.
Anonymous asked: It’s been a hard day for everyone. Maybe you just need some rest. Just be careful, I’m worried for yah. And it’s nice to talk to you too. Just wish I could help.
“Thank you. Yeah, I should… I should rest, huh? And I’ll be careful, I’ll be careful. I won’t - ” His voice breaks and he closes his eyes. “Won’t break the rules again.”
Anonymous asked: Do you think you'd be able to get upstairs before passing out, Marvin? I know you're hurt real badly, but there's at least blankets or sleeping bags up there, and I think Henrik won't want to come down to the basement and help you.
“Yeah,” whispers Marvin. “Yeah, I think he gets pretty scared when Anti is angry… and who could blame him? But I do need to get upstairs.”
He licks his mouth and stares up from the basement, a sort of desperation in his eyes. If you look, you can see that they are no longer quite so wildly blue as they in the past couple days, when he still had some of his strength. For a second, not wanting to upset you, he tries to struggle to his feet, but it is clear that he doesn’t have the strength, and he crumples back to the floor, coughing frailly, clutching at his stomach with bloody hands. Tears roll miserably down his cheeks.
“You don’t think Anti would let me die, do you?” he begs. “You don’t think - ”
The door above him swings open and light pours down on him. For a second, he flinches horribly, slamming back against the wall, but it is not Anti at the top of the stairs.
“Ja - Red,” begs Marvin, weeping. “Red, please. Are you going to beat me too?”
Red stares down at him, his face blank, trying to work up the courage to set foot on the stairs.
spicydanhowell asked: carver?
He coughs softly and shifts on the bed almost like he’s re-awakening. There’s a long pause, several minutes, where he just sits on the bed, turned slightly towards you.
Eventually, he gets up, and moves closer.
He’s bizarrely quiet, his feet making no sound that you can pick up on as he pads across the room in clean white socks. He pauses in front of you, and then finally, slowly, bends down and picks the camera up.
He’s no longer wearing his yellow jumper. Instead he has a blue hoodie with perfectly even strings, the hood pulled up over his head. He stares blankly at you. There is a dark red bruise swelling across his right eye.
And a thin brown rope tied around his throat, leading to the bed.
You can see, behind him, what was once his angel drawing, now smudged into nothing but chalk.
Anonymous asked: Red? It's okay. We know Blue broke the rules, but he's already been punished for it. He should be allowed upstairs now, right? Can you help him up?
“I know he’s been punished,” whispers Red. He sets one booted foot on the second stair. “I’ve just… spent a lot of time in the basement.”
He takes another step, his mouth trembling. “But he… he looked after me… so now I… now I… I can do this, I can do this. I’m big brother, I’m in charge, I have to look after them. Me, me, no one else will do it. He looked after me, now I look after him.”
Anonymous asked: red please help the baby
“Here,” whispers Red, stepping down into the basement. “Here, I’m here, it’s okay.”
“Are you really you?” cries Marvin, slumped against the concrete wall. “Is that you, is that my - my - ”
“It’s just Red,” he says, wearily. “Try to calm down. Come on, let’s get you upstairs.”
“No, no, you’re - you’re hurt, you can’t carry me.”
Red crouches down beside him and carefully brushes a streak of blood from his cheek, stroking his thumb down his beard. Marvin falls silent, staring up at him, suddenly calmed by what he sees.
Maybe he’s not Jackie entire, but… there’s still so much of him left.
“We’ll do it together,” offers Red. “Okay?”
“Okay,” whispers Marv, swallowing tears. “Okay.”
Red moves to his side and hooks a careful arm around his waist. Together, they rise to their feet, and stumble towards the stairs, suspended in a tense survivalist’s trust, the old taste of brotherhood lingering somewhere in the air between them.
Anonymous asked: Oh, Dap... How are you feeling, buddy?
Dapper blinks at you. For a second, there is a harsh anger in the lines of his face, and then a bizarre cheerfulness, and then confusion, and finally a very quiet sorrow. His eyes are dull. He doesn’t answer you, just takes you to the window and sets you back on the sill, like he did yesterday. You see him settle down beside you, staring out at the open sky, where birds are circling, but none of them come down to him. He cries without emotion on his bruised face and waits for night time, even though he knows no one will come to hold him now. At least later he can show you whatever it was he wanted to play “I, Spy” with.
Anonymous asked: Thank you, Red. All of you look out for each other, that's why you're brothers. You did a really good thing.
“Oh,” he stammers, staring at you. A smile flickers across his mouth. “Oh, I did good? Oh, yeah, well.” He straightens up proudly, shrugging. “Well, I - I always do, of course. Of course. I did really good, I did a really good thing.”
He nods to himself and returns his attention to his brother, lying beside him. Marvin has gone very slack in his hands, staring blankly up at the ceiling, his pupils blown wide.
“Hey,” murmurs Red, touching his cheek. Marvin doesn’t answer. His breathing comes thin and ragged. “Hey, Blue.”
He glances at you, then back at his twin, biting his lip. “Hey, I’m just going to put you to sleep, okay?” he offers gently, brushing his fingers over his head. Marvin whimpers distantly, his eyes rolling a little.
Red fetches the same sedative he was given last night and preps it carefully, grateful that he remembered to restock first aid the other week. He slides the needle into Marvin’s arm with a practiced hand and draws it out again, swiping away the blood that rises with gentle hands. And then, moments later, peace. Marvin is asleep.
Red stares at him for a long moment.
It’s so strange. So impossible, how someone can be so familiar and so strange at the same time. He spent long months hating him, this last annoyance they just couldn’t track down, but now he’s just…
Red rubs his face, trying to keep it together. He’s just been lonely for a really long time.
He gets to work stitching his twin up. Twins look after each other. Brothers look after each other. Blue looks after him, and he looks after Blue.
He’s gentle with him. Almost makes him laugh. In all the time he’s been Red, he knows that there is no one in the whole world who would have described him as gentle until this very moment.
musical-in-theory asked: (To all of them) “David”
Dok and Trick glance at you askew; Dapper frowns. Red dismisses it as a glitch and ignores you, stitching up Marvin’s arm.
musical-in-theory asked: Funny how barely anyone bats an eye at a name like David, but to other names Like Henrik or Jackie, it’s a whole other story. Almost like those names mean something more...
All three of the younger boys wince at the sound of those two names, not just taken aback but in fact reaching up to cover their ears. “Ugh, what the fuck?” grumbles Trick, slapping the side of the camera. “Some kind of interference or something. That’s a horrible fucking screech. Sorry, what did you say? What’s a whole other story?”
But Jackie, stitching up a deep cut on Marvin’s stomach, only gives you a dark glare, warning in his sharp blue eyes.
Anonymous asked: Hey Marv? Do you need a hug? I hope you’re ok. You’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine. You’re so strong and I believe in you.
“A hug,” mumbles Marvin, mostly unconscious. His body is numb, but this hardly settles his mind. He laughs softly, trying to stay awake, feeling warm. “Mmh, long time since I’ve had a hug, yeah. Yeah, I could use one. Thank you, I… I’m going to try and believe you.”
He blinks slower and slower, staring up at the wooden slats of the ceiling. He’s drifting quickly off. It feels nice. But before he goes, he could swear there is a second where someone leans in close, and pulls him to their chest, and hugs him very softly.
His fingers cling to the fabric of Red’s hoodie. He falls asleep.
immabethehero asked: Poppalazzi!!!!!
“Pop, pop, pop,” Trick mimics, sliding around, bored, on the bench of the laundromat. “Poppalazziiii. Dok-dok, when’s the laundry done? This is dull!”
He drags the last word out dramatically, flopping down on his brother’s lap and grinning at you. He’s a lot looser when he’s not at home. There’s nobody else in this laundromat. Just him and his Dok. He loves the laundromat.
Anonymous asked: it's okay baby. can you tell us what anti did? it looks like he hit you in the face. did he hit you anywhere else?
Carver blinks and reaches up to touch his face, only to draw his fingers quickly away, startled by the pain. Suddenly cognizant of it, he tumbles back onto the bed and lies there, confused. “Who hit me?” he asks, tilting his head at you. “Not Anti. Look, Anti gave me my blue hoodie. I love my blue hoodie.” He hugs himself, rocking slightly on the bed. “Anti says I’m his bluebird.”
He winces slightly and begins patting around his body, alerted to more pain. You see his eyes well up with tears and he hisses through his teeth, lifting up his hoodie to find bruises across one side of his body. He stops using his right arm, rocking harder now, confused.
“It’s okay, baby,” he signs to himself, sinking back on the bed, crying. “It’s okay, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay, baby brother.”
Anonymous asked: carver, he tied you up, see? i'm so sorry he hurt you like that. poor boy, do you need anything?
Carver reaches up, confused, to touch his throat, and finds the rope. Instantly, a switch is thrown; the stiffness and sorrow flies out of him and he is nothing but humiliated, jerking away from you with a gasp. His cheeks flame red and he drags himself away from the bed, yanking desperately against the rope. You hear a rough choking gasp, something like a scream, and he does it again and again, thrashing on the rope, tearing at his hair.
“No, no, no!” he weeps. “Not again, not again, I don’t know what I did! I hate it, I hate it, stop that!”
And then he stops short, falling hard to the ground, staring blankly at the wall. His hands fall away from the rope and he goes quiet again, and very still, clicking his tongue gently in his mouth. The blood drains from his cheeks and his face calms. “Poor boy,” he signs distantly. “Poor boy, poor… I wish my bird would come see me. I wish I had my charcoal… I wish…”
He tilts his head oddly and sits, breathing, raking his nails very slowly across the floorboards.
Anonymous asked: Carver, do you know what's going on? What all do you remember?
“Never remember anything,” he signs, almost too slow for you to read. “Everything’s just…”
He reaches up and moves his hand through the air like he’s conducting a symphony only he can hear. He closes his eyes, click click clicking his tongue. His free hand reaches into his hoodie pocket and stays there.
“Everything is now and then and yesterday. I can’t keep track.” He lets his head fall back slightly and startles at the sensation of the rope digging against his throat. He grabs it and looks up at you, stunned. “Why am I tied up? What did I do? Oh, no, no, please! No, I don’t want - ”
But now he stops again, stilling. His gaze is fixed on the window outside.
His mouth falls open in a gentle “oh” and he points up at the window.
Night has fallen and everything is quiet. You can’t see what he’s looking at, but you can see the brightness returned to his eyes.
“That’s what I wanted to show you,” he says, breathing deep and relaxing. He gets up to sit on the bed again. “That was you, wasn’t it? Pretty, isn’t it? I spy, with my little eye…. midnight dancing in the lovely sky.”
This post was reblogged with comments from ari-trash reading “the stars?” and spicydanhowell reading “is it birdy??”
“Oh, good guesses, good guesses. You’re all so clever, you’re all so warm. But no, no, look, even better…”
He lifts you up to the window.
“I spy with my little eye… aurora borealis.”
Above the trees, the sky is alight with movement, fine swirling colors, electric and breathing across the stars. Carver stares up at them in silence, his hand resting on top of the camera. There is no twitching or confusion in his face, no distress, nothing numb or dead. He looks calm. He brushes hair from his eyes and pulls his hood off, breathing deep the night air.
Downstairs, Trick keeps watch, staring up at what he can see of the northern lights. Soft shifting upstairs tells him he is not the only at watch, and he spares a moment of - not pity, maybe, but a moment of sameness, a moment of understanding, for the little brother he never sees.
“I’m not so lonely or so scared with the lights in the sky,” says Jameson Jackson. “Even if I am being tortured and tied up like a dog. And I’m not so lonely or so scared when I’m with you. So… thank you. I try very hard to keep track of who I am and what’s happening to me, but time seems to move like northern lights these days, swaying, swirling, changing… disappearing again as soon as morning comes.”
He puts his chin down on the window sill, closing his eyes.
“I think I saw Marvin today,” he signs gently. “But maybe that was just a dream… I dream of him often… I dream of everything that was, and is no longer, but soon enough it all slips away again, and I am alone, or worse than alone, because Jameson stops existing, and then I do not even have myself to keep me company.”
You sit up with him a long time. Eventually, he falls asleep. And morning breaks, bright and cold and clear, and Carver wakes up alone.
florenceisfalling asked: trick, what do you usually stay on lookout for? like,,, who ever comes out there anyway?
Trick startles, turning to stare at you in astonishment. “Fuck, it’s crazy how you don’t know. I mean, good question, right, who would come up here? Sometimes kids or hikers or dogs and shit, yeah. But you don’t need a military grade sniper for that.”
He sighs and looks back out at his window, stroking his gun.
“You weren’t here the last time we got found,” he says. His voice suddenly wavers and he coughs, swallowing. “Red didn’t clean up after a murder or a theft or something, and we nearly lost everything right then. They almost dragged him off to jail - not that I would have cared, I mean, I - I wouldn’t, okay? But the worse part was that Dok - ”
He’s asleep at his side. It’s late and Trick’s turn to watch. Trick stares down at him, and then up at you, putting a finger over his mouth. Shhh. He grabs the camera and draws you close, and then, very carefully, draws the blanket back from Doktor’s mouth and shoulders. He can even, with a soft murmur to reassure him, pull his shirt up, revealing a small and almost perfectly circular scar in Doktor’s stomach, deep and white as snow.
Trick draws you away and covers his brother back up again, taking the glasses he fell asleep in off his face as he goes. He avoids his gaze, turning back to the window. His body shakes minutely. Ferocity is etched in the curves of his back. He leaves a hand on Doktor’s shoulder.
Anonymous asked: What happens if you don't have enough, Red? Do you risk stealing or just go without? Where does Anti get the money anyway?
Red draws you closer warily. “Don’t say ‘don’t have enough,’” he whispers, a little afraid. “We, um, we don’t complain around here. Sometimes I steal shit, or Doktor’s pretty good. But Anti doesn’t like it if we draw attention to ourselves.”
Red bites his lip and closes his eyes. “But he also doesn’t like it if I ask for more,” he whispers. “So sometimes, I… I don’t know what to do, I just…”
He wipes at his eyes, turning angrily away from you. “Anyway,” he grumbles. “I don’t know where Anti gets it. He just hands me this hack credit card. So I can’t even hide what I buy from him.”
Realizing what he said, he nearly drops you. “Not that I ever would!” he gasps, nearly waking up Blue beside him. “Not that I would ever - just - I’ve thought about having an emergency supply, in case he - but I don’t, I can’t. I wouldn’t.”
Stressed, he turns you slightly away and huddles closer to Blue.
seagullsausage asked: Didn’t Red mention earlier that Dapper needed meds? What are they for?
“Oh, fuck,” mumbles Red, rubbing at his face. “Um… that’s a long story.” He laughs breathily.
“Few months ago, Dapper went… Dapper had what Anti calls a ‘snap.’ Freaky shit happened, okay? So since then he takes some medicine, I don’t know what, Anti just tells me to pick it up. I think it’s just an anxiety thing. When you’ve got a kid with that much power, losing your mind becomes a little more dangerous.
“But he’s fine now,” he adds hastily. “Anti said so. He’s fine. He won’t snap again.”
Anonymous asked: what happened last time dapper was in the basement? do any of you know? Another anon added: When was the last time Dapper was in the basement. And… why?
Across their two cameras, Red and Trick both flinch.
“Look,” mumbles Red. “Dap’s always had it pretty good, but used to be when he got too far out of hand, Anti would take him down in the basement just like the rest of us. But something happened, and now Anti’s usually… gentler with him. That kid is a goddamn cosmos, that’s all I’m saying about it.”
But Trick scoffs, shakes his head, looks you right in the eye and says, “Yeah. That was when he was losing his fucking mind.”
He readjusts as though he’s done talking, but reconsiders, his voice a little loud. “And hey, far, far be it from me to criticize Anti - I love him, I trust him, he always does what’s best for us - but that night….
“The basement didn’t help. That’s all I’m saying.”
Trick shivers and tightens his grip on his gun.
“The basement did not help.”
This was it for the irl night, so there is a skip to morning.
Anonymous asked: doktor, do you know what happened to carver? when he "snapped"?
Doktor’s eating a granola bar, sitting up on the stairs, looking clean and healthy and surrounded by freshly washed blankets. He blinks at you and then laughs slightly. “Fuck, were you all talking about that horrible incident last night? Poor little boy. ‘Snapped,’ ha. It was a nervous episode, that’s all.”
He pauses, his eyes fogging over slightly. “Mind you, I don’t remember most of it… Nightmares and confusion and paranoia, and his hands reaching out for things that weren’t really there… but, anyway, I helped Anti calm him down and prescribed some medicine, and now he’s okay. So no need to worry about that. It won’t happen again. Poor little thing, you’ve never seen a young man so scared.”
spicydanhowell asked: so then... what happened to carver in the basement last time? what did he even do wrong that got him there?
“He was acting very strangely,” says Doktor, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to recall. “I believe he struck Anti, or attempted to, and this was what caused him to be brought to basement. I don’t remember what happened after that, except that… I felt very strange and many things changed around me.”
“Dok,” calls Trick sleepily. “Don’t talk about this, it stresses you out. You’ll work yourself up again.”
Doktor blinks and then frowns, curling slightly in on himself. “Don’t work myself up,” he grumbles, crumpling up his granola bar wrapper.
“Yes, you do,” growls back Trick. “And then guess who has to spend the whole day calming you down again?”
Doktor blushes bright red and and turns away from him with a scowl on his face, crossing his arms and mumbling about how no one has to do anything for him, he’s fine, doesn’t need some little marksman babying him as if he -
“Dok,” snaps Trick.
The pair falls into irritable silence.
Anonymous asked: Anti... What now? Are you even home at the moment or are you out and about doing whatever it is you do?
Words flicker across your screen again.
“I’m home,” says Anti.
But your viewpoint is across the main room, and you don’t see him. Just Doktor sitting on the stairs that lead to the nest, eating breakfast, and Trick, nocturnal, settling in for a nap a few feet away. Marvin and Red are lying in their corner, stirring.
Marvin comes to with a groan, turning on his side and ending up closer to Red, practically pressed against his body. Red opens his eyes and smiles at him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and beginning to carefully rub his back, avoiding a gash low on the back of his throat. Marvin shivers and opens sleepy eyes, staring back at him.
A warm swell of affection rises him. He spends a few minutes letting Red rub his back, assured by the simple brotherhood of it. This is something they could have done when the world was right and they were still together. How can Anti even say that Red is his? This is just Marvin’s Jackie. He daydreams sleepily about the day they’ll escape, and bring all their little brothers with them, and go back to living well. Jackie isn’t lost to him after all.
“I missed you so much,” whispers Marvin, snuggling in closer to his chest. “I’m glad we’re together again, even if it’s like this.”
“Ah, what a sweet little kitty. I love you too, Blue.”
Marvin freezes.
Looks up.
Black eyes.
Red’s grip adjusts on the back of his throat, holding him tightly down. Marvin is too afraid to whimper.
“What’s the matter, little one?” asks Anti, smiling at him. “Come on, let’s just relax. Let’s have a nice lie-in.”
“Are you - ” Marvin has to swallow to make his throat work. “Are you going to torture me again?”
“No, no, darling, you haven’t done anything wrong, have you?” Anti resumes rubbing his back. “Let’s just have a nice quiet morning. Put your head back against my chest.”
Marvin stares up at him, feeling dizzy.
“Put your head,” repeats Anti, slower. “Back against my chest.”
Marvin puts his shaking head down on Red’s collarbone and tries to keep breathing.
Anonymous asked: Trick, Dok, are you guys seeing this? What's this mean for Red right now??
Trick and Doktor noticed the moment the tension in the room changed. The two of them are often on the receiving end of casual cruelty and they’re attuned to the taste Anti leaves in the air, the slight buzzing of his power, the harsh oil smell. They’re sitting up straight, silent and watchful, eyes wide, scared.
“Is he over there?” whispers Trick.
“He’s wearing Red,” whispers Doktor. He turns to you. “Red will be mostly fine, but - ”
“We’re going on a walk,” says Trick, getting to his feet and grabbing his brother’s arm.
“We’re not allowed to go without telling someone and we - ”
Trick yanks him to his feet and drags him towards the door, his face set. Too much bullshit is going on lately and he is not about to get caught in the crossfire. Blue will have to handle this on his own.
florenceisfalling asked: what if you get in trouble for leaving on a walk without asking?
“Yes, Trick, let’s just hide!” cries Dok, yanking back against his grip. They’re in the yard outside the house. “We haven’t gotten in trouble yet! This is just because you don’t like it when Anti - ”
“Shut up!” screams Trick, and he grabs his other shoulder and he shakes him, hard. “Shut up, you’re going to get us killed!”
Doktor gasps and reasserts himself, standing straight. “You’re the one who’s going to get us killed cause you’re so scared of possession that you can’t - ”
Trick grabs Doktor by the hair and ignores the little scream he gives, dragging him into the woods, casting fearful glances back at the house, until at last it is gone from his view. He pants hard, his eyes wild, but not black. Not black. He’s fine. Doktor’s fine. This is fine.
Doktor gives a choked whine and then falls into silence, pulled along beside him.
Anonymous asked: Hang in there, Marvin! It's okay. You're surviving, that's all that matters. Anti will leave soon and you'll have Jackie back. Just hold out until he's done.
“Right,” whispers Marvin, choking on his own panic. “Right, right, right. Just… just hold out.”
Anti takes his chin in his hand and tilts his head up, and Marvin is sinking almost immediately, the second he meets his swirling eyes, dizzy and confused.
“Mmh,” hums Anti, stroking a hand through his hair. “There we go.”
Marvin can’t breathe. Marvin can’t look away.
“How long do you think you could stay like this?” asks Anti gently. His fingers are very nice across his scalp. Marvin’s eyes begin to droop, but Anti tilts his chin back up and strokes his cheek, keeping him focused. “I’ll give you a hint - I once, in reward for the first time he called Henrik ‘Doktor,’ hypnotized Chase for more than twenty-four hours. It was exhausting, but so fucking worth it - he hasn’t said his name or Henrik’s since. Turned out to be a little much for him, actually. He went into a complete hysteria and then just - flopped. Like a real puppet, haha! He couldn’t do a thing without a command. I think he hardly breathed. Wouldn’t let go of me. Wept for me.”
Anti sighs and draws Marvin right to his chest, knocking their foreheads together.
“Here is the truth, Blue,” he says. “I love nothing better than the five of you. But by the end of the day I was born, you had already been turned against me. It wasn’t fair! No one would stay with me. No one would let me in, or even say my name. But I am Jack too and he can’t just keep you away from me.”
His voice breaks in a snarl and he grips Marvin’s shirt tightly, pricking at stitched up cuts along his body.
“You’re my big brother. I’ve missed you. I’ve wanted you. Please, stay with me,” he whispers. “Stay here with me, where you belong. Be mine, be your brother’s. Stay with me.”
A wave of pity rushes over Marvin like a tidal wave; he is drowning in it. Suddenly he is affectionate - bizarrely affectionate, he’s never been very touchy-feely - and he wraps his arms around Anti’s shoulders and throws himself against his body, holding him close, close, close. He is warm and soft and he looks like Red. Fuck, what was he so afraid of all this time? Of this, of living with Anti? Of this feeling of being loved, so overwhelming it hurts? Of seeing all his family again? This was where he was always meant to be.
“It’s okay, Anti,” whispers Blue, buried in his shoulder. “It’s okay, little brother. I’ll stay. I’ll stay.”
And he nearly faints from the joy the words give him - or maybe from the blood he lost last night, when the person who is holding him now cut him nearly dry.
“I love you,” murmurs Anti, stroking his hair. Humming a distant song about the birds flying home in the springtime.
“I love you too,” promises Blue, slack in his grip. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
“You won’t say that tomorrow,” sighs Anti. “But, eventually, I will make it stick in this little brain of yours - you belong to me. And you’re staying right here with me, until time itself has ended.”
oasisofgalaxies asked: Marvin!! No, you can’t let him work into your brain! He’s got you wrapped around his pinky finger, you gotta cut the strings! Don’t forget! Don’t forget Marvin!!
Blue blinks and shudders, drawing slightly back. Anti tightens his grip on his shoulders. “No, wait,” Marvin pants, shrinking away. “No, no, wait, Anti, please. I’m not - ”
“But you are!” Anti grabs his chin, harshly now, and drags his head up. Marvin screams and closes his eyes, trying to look away. “Open your eyes, Blue.”
Fuck, fuck, something has happened, something has changed - he feels like he can’t control his own head, his own face, he is looking back, why can’t he keep looking away?
“You want to look at me, you know you do. Look at Master like a good boy.”
Blue’s eyes flash open and fixate on Anti’s again, and he shivers hard, nearly choking on all the things that it makes him feel, all the love and warmth and joy and confusion and the subtle wrongness that sits beneath everything and fails to draw him out again.
“There you go, sweetheart,” purrs Anti. “There you go.”
“Anti,” breathes Blue, staring up at him with pupils over-large. “I d-don’t understand what’s happening.”
“I know, kitten, I’m sorry about that. Really I am. It can be painful at first. I know it feels strange, and I know other things start to slip away. I know things get forgotten. But you just have to hold on to me and eventually it will all turn out okay. It’s just going to be a rough couple days as you adjust, okay? Don’t be scared. The memories you lose aren’t important anyway. And I’ve got you. I’m watching out for you. Okay?”
Blue blinks slowly, trying to figure out what it is they were talking about. All he knows is that he feels warm and well and cared for. “Okay,” he says, nodding.
He grins up at his little brother and relaxes, blinking his fatigue away. His body is so tired, but he doesn’t remember why. Oh, well. It hardly matters now.
Anonymous asked: Uh so how long are you going to keep him like that, Anti?
Anti glances at you, and then back down at Blue, staring dizzily up at him.
“I don’t want to overwhelm him,” he says. “Maybe just a little while today. And then there’s this wonderful afterimage that remains even after I’m gone, where he can just sit, high on this power. Red too. I would do the same thing with Doktor and Trickshot all the time when they were still learning. Possess one, hypnotize the other, leave them to ride through it together. It’s good for them. I need to make sure they look out for each other. With what I have planned for them, they can’t afford to not have each other’s backs.”
He looks down at Blue, warm in his arms.
“And I don’t plan to lose either one of them,” he murmurs.
Anonymous asked: Marvin, you cant give up yet. please remember! you cant fade away into Blue, think of your brothers. You cant help them if you also have forgotten who you are. Please, don't leave us. Please remember!
Anti growls, reaching up to push the camera farther away from them, curling in on Blue’s body. “Why do none of you understand?” he snarls. “You want him to keep fighting? Can’t you see how long he’s been alone? Touch-starved, thin, pale, exhausted - I found him on the fucking streets, trying to live completely disconnected from the rest of the world, so no one can find him. Is that what you think freedom is? He’ll be happier here. You want him to hold on to the miserable little person he used to be, all on his own? If you want him to keep fighting, say the word.” Anti draws a knife from Red’s hoodie, baring his teeth at you. “And I will punish him accordingly.”
Blue whimpers and hides his face in Anti’s chest.
Anonymous asked: What DO you have planned that requires then to be in pairs? Is it just for security?
“Pairs are important for lots of reasons,” he says. “Comfort, care, attention, affection. Touch, company, time, self-esteem. Balance, watch-guard, hierarchy, threat.”
He gazes between Red’s hands and Blue’s, looped around his waist.
“Threat perhaps most importantly,” he murmurs, smiling at you. “Threat and report. But in my plans for Red and Blue - yes, security and safety, trust in a brother who watches your back. How else will they get through their missions?”
musical-in-theory asked: You know what they say about plans, don’t you Anti? How they always fall apart... so fuck you.
“Plans can fall apart. And then my little time traveler picks the pieces back up again… and I win. Over and over and over. What do I have to fear?”
musical-in-theory asked: Fear their bond. Something that you will never have, Artificer. They outnumber you and the minute you test their bond, that’s when their love for each other will drown you in your own murky depths. Fuck (and I cannot stress this enough) you.
“Fuck - and I cannot stress this enough - ” Anti bursts into laughter. “That’s funny!”
He sighs contentedly and relaxes back against Red’s sleeping bag, soaking in stray afternoon sunlight. After a minute, he runs his hands through a dozing Blue’s long dark hair, and tilts his chin up to face him.
“I’m going to let you come down from this now,” he tells him gently.
“Oh, no,” whines Blue, curling up against his stomach. “No, stay here with me.”
“I don’t want you to get sick.”
“But, Anti, I don’t feel good already, can’t you watch over me?”
“Red’s going to watch you.”
“Anti…”
Anti giggles and brushes his hair from his eyes. “Stop fussing. I have to go work anyway. Say, ‘okay, Anti.’“
“Okay, Anti,” grumbles Blue.
Anti kisses the top of his head fondly and he simpers childishly, practically purring. “There’s a good boy. Get some rest.”
A flicker across the screen, a moment of darkness. When your vision returns, Red is collapsed across his sleeping bag, shaking hard but still holding Blue close to his chest.
“Red?” asks Blue sleepily. “Are you okay?”
Red stammers and closes his eyes against a wave of pain. “I don’t know,” he stammers, his head swimming. His whole body feels… wrong, but he shouldn’t be scared. He should be used to this by now. He shouldn’t be crying. Stop, stop. He needs something else to focus on. “Are you?”
Blue blinks, hugging his waist. “I don’t know,” he admits, softly.
Red pushes away from him. Hurt by the rejection, Blue curls in on himself on the sleeping bag, and they fall into silence, both overwhelmed and exhausted.
Anonymous asked: Are trick and doctor still on their walk? When are you guys planning to come back?
Trick and Doktor have come to a stop higher up in the mountains. Red and brown leaves flicker through the air and falter to the ground only to be crunched under sneakers and boots. Trick is standing towards the sea, his hands shoved in his pockets, chewing anxiously on his lip, sniffling through quiet tears. A few feet away, Doktor sits on the ground beside a big pine tree, his knees drawn up to his chest and his eyes fixed on the ground. A leaf comes and hits the side of his head and he doesn’t bother to reach up and take it out of his hair.
“I’m sorry,” calls Trick, after a long moment, swallowing hard. “I didn’t mean to grab you too rough.”
Doktor doesn’t answer or look up. His face is very blank. Trick’s not sure he heard him.
“We can head back in a minute,” calls Trick, gently.
But this doesn’t reach Dok either.
Anonymous asked: Red is back. Trick and Dok, where are you?
“Dok,” calls Trick, turning to him. He wipes the tears off his face and heads closer to his brother. “Hey, man, did you hear them? Red’s free. Him and Blue probably need you. Should we go back, man?”
Doktor stares at the leaves on the ground. His eyes are a very clear blue beneath his cracked glasses.
“Dok,” cries Trick, frustrated. “Come on, buddy, please? Don’t get like this on me. I’m sorry, okay, I shouldn’t have - ”
He rubs his face, guilt choking in his throat.
“I’m really sorry, Deutsch, talk to me.”
musical-in-theory asked: Trick what do you think will happen if you go back to the house with Dok like this after you both “ran away”?
“It’s not like that,” stammers Trick, beginning to look a little panicked. “We go out for walks all the time, we just - we’re just supposed to ask Red. And I - him like this - I’ll get him out of this, okay! Fuck, just don’t - don’t tell Anti and we can sneak back without getting noticed! Don’t threaten us! It’s fine. It’s fine. You’re going to scare my brother! It’s okay, Dok-dok, it’s okay.” He bites down hard on his lip and rakes a hand through his hair, shaking.
immabethehero asked: Don't forget the drinks! You'll need to stay hydrated!
“The drinks - yeah, thanks for reminding me, I need to fill up the jug. Yes. Okay. I can do that. Get some water in him and… yeah. Yeah. This is fine. Okay. The stream’s just over here, I’ll go fill the jug up. Okay, Dok?”
He touches his brother’s shoulder and finds him trembling. With a sigh, Trick pulls himself to his feet and walks away to fill up the canteen he carries with him.
Doktor does not look at you or anything. He stares at the ground. You see his mouth moving minutely, like he’s mumbling something.
Anonymous asked: Hey... Dok? Can you hear us..?
Doktor reaches up slowly to touch his hair. His scalp hurts. Someone grabbed him by the hair.
His hands twitch.
loganandoli asked: Doktor? Are you ok? What are you saying?
Turning up your volume, you can make out a string of low German babbling, soft and steady. He stares at the ground.
Anonymous asked: Dok... it's alright. You're safe with Trick, n' now you can go back and be safe with the rest of your brothers.
“Safe,” he whispers, so soft you barely hear it.
Rage and terror contort his face. With shaking hands, he reaches into his pocket, his fingers curling and his mouth locked in a snarl, his eyes still dead, fixed, unseeing, on the ground in front of him. He’s breathing very fast.
Anonymous asked: When was the last time trick was possessed?
Trick whimpers, turning his gaze away from you. He grips his hands tightly shut and shakes his head, hard. After a long moment, he manages to whisper “couple months ago. Bad… bad night.”
He dips his canteen in the mountain spring and tries to recollect himself, rubbing the tears from his eyes and taking deep, shaky breaths.
musical-in-theory asked: Or you could just stay away for a little while longer. Wouldn’t that be nice? A little more fresh air might be good for the doctor. You could go back to the laundromat or maybe to a park. There’s so many wonderful things out here.
Trick sighs, twisting down the lid of the canteen and turning to make his way back towards Doktor. “Yes,” he grumbles. “Obviously that would be nice. And we could just walk around and not… not worry about who was watching.”
His sneakers crunch through the leaves. There is a sudden sorrow in his eyes, one he rarely shows to anyone, except, of course, his Doktor.
“I’m really tired,” he says.
There’s a shuffling in the leaves in front of him and he looks up with relief to see Doktor getting on his feet. He smiles wearily at his brother and makes his way closer, giving him that look you’ve seen before - the silent question, the check-in, “I’m okay, are you?”
Doktor is not okay.
Trick doesn’t have time to be afraid before Doktor grabs him by the throat.
“Dok!” screams Trick, and then he is choking.
“Schlag mich nicht,” whispers Doktor. His voice shakes, but only a little. His tone is firm and hateful. “Schlag mich nicht.”
“Dok!” gasps Trick. “Please!”
Doktor slams him back against a tree and his head collides hard with the bark. He scrambles at Doktor’s hands, not yet willing to attack his face like he knows he should.
“Schlag mich nicht! Sag mir nicht was ich tun sull!”
“English, please,” begs Trick, kicking at his feet, gasping. “Ich spreche kein Deutsch!”
Doktor drops him abruptly to the ground, but Trick doesn’t have time to be relieved; Doktor grabs his hair just as tight as he did earlier and yanks his head off the ground, making him yelp, his eyes filling up with tears. “You don’t get to grab me, you don’t get to drag me around - ”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” shrieks Trick. Doktor pulls his hand out from his coat pocket and with it comes a syringe with a needle as long as a finger; Trick screams as it is shoved up against his throat.
“Where’s Trick?” screams Doktor. “Where’s Trick, where is he, I want him! I want my little brother!”
“It’s me, it’s me! Please, please! No, no, no, Doktor, I’m scared, it’s me, I’m sorry, you’re my older brother, you’re smarter than me, you’re better than me, I’m small and I’m stupid, please don’t hurt me, I can’t take a beating from you too, please, please, please, I love you.”
He dissolves into sobbing, gripping desperately at Doktor’s hands.
“Please, it’s just one of your episodes, but no one’s trying to hurt you, no one needs an operation, you didn’t fail anyone, it’s just me, I’m right here, please…”
Doktor is breathing so fast and so thin that he is beginning to look blue. He clutches the collar of Trick’s jacket in shaking hands.
Finally he drops Trick to the ground and straightens up, staring out at the ocean, his eyes closed, trying to breathe.
“Where am I?” whispers Henrik, clutching at his head. “Where am I, what… what’s happening to me? I’m losing my mind…”
At his feet, Trick cries until he cannot breathe.
Anonymous asked: Henrik? Henrik is it you? Not Doktor, is it you? Henrik? Schneep? If it is you, you scared Chase badly, he doesn’t remember he’s Chase. Schneep, Henrik. If you remember, you have to help him.
Trick groans at the horrible shrieking that covers up the names, cowering down in the leaves. Henrik, for his part, only stares distantly at you, confused.
“I don’t remember anything… I don’t… I never remember anything, though…”
“Dok, please,” Trick begs through sobs. “This is just one of your episodes, you know you get confused, please, you’ll draw Anti’s attention and he’ll hurt you!”
“Trick,” mumbles Doktor, sinking to his knees. He grips at his hair.
musical-in-theory asked: Oh Henrik! Scheisse! We get one back but we lose another. Schneep you gotta work fast. You and your brothers have been under Anti’s influence for a long time now. He has Marvin. You gotta get away.
Trick and Doktor both groan, shaking their heads at the terrible ringing. Glitches flicker over your screen, and for a moment, everything is very dark, the afternoon sun shadowed by a black filter. Movement in the trees behind them - a silhouette emerging from the trees.
The boys look up together, shocked out of tears.
“Anti?” whispers Trick, in a voice that shakes.
Anti steps towards them. In fact, Anti hurries towards them, and there is not anger or violence in his face, just concern. He looks human. His hair is pulled back into a small bun. “Dok? Trick? What are they talking to you about? Asking you stupid questions? Are you guys okay?”
He falls to his knees beside them. There is, for a second, a terrible tension - and then Anti whispers “hey, hey,” and draws Trick in for a hug with one arm, reaching out to pet Doktor’s head with his other hand. “Something upset you, what’s wrong? You didn’t tell me you were going somewhere, I got scared…”
Doktor sobs and falls against his shoulder, wrapping his arms around his waist. Likewise, Trick just buries his face in his shoulder and shakes.
Anti looks up at you and the worry and concern falls away. He glares. His eyes are black. His canines poke out of his mouth. And then he turns back towards his pets, calm again, only anxious for them, the picture of affectionate fear.
Anonymous asked: Hey, Chase, it’s ok, it’s gonna be fine. Take a few deep breaths, maybe that will help? Seven seconds in, seven out. It works for me. Maybe focus on the ocean too. What color is it? What does it sound like? Is it calm or stormy?
Trick shudders against Anti’s shoulder, trying to breathe.
“That’s good advice,” mumbles Anti, playing with his hair. “That’s good advice, do what they tell you.”
Obedient, Trick tries to breathe slow and deep, clinging to Anti’s shirt, looking up at you with tear-stained eyes. Truth be told, he’s still waiting for the moment Anti will snap and decide to punish him and Dok for leaving, but for now, all he can do is hope that he’s okay, and think about anything else.
“The ocean,” he stammers. “Is calm today - is bright, is blue, is moving like it’s breathing. I can’t hear it from here, but when I go down to it, it sloshes back and forth in this low rushing breath… When it was warmer, Doktor would roll up his pants and stand in the water for hours…”
“There, okay,” whispers Anti. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Deutsch, how about you? Huh? Baby, can you look at me?”
But Doktor has retreated into his own head again, staring blankly at the leaves, clutching the shattered syringe in his fingers. Anti murmurs reassurances against the side of his head and gently pulls broken glass away from his limp fingers. “Did they upset you, big brother? Wasn’t that cruel of them? Don’t they know you get sick? Poor thing.”
Anonymous asked: trick, please don't do anything stupid. it's going to be okay. and- how's marvin?
“I already did something stupid,” he sobs, hiding from Anti’s gaze. “Anti, I - I did something stupid. It wasn’t them, it was me. I grabbed his hair, I got scared. I dragged him away from the house. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please hurt me, not him, it’s my fault!”
“Hey, hey,” cries Anti, taking his face in his hands and trying to get him to look up. “Calm down, it’s okay. I saw you go. I know that it scares you sometimes, when I need a body. Right?”
“Yes, Anti, I’m sorry, I’m a coward, I didn’t mean - ” He can hardly breathe through tears.
“It’s okay to get scared sometimes. It’s okay. I should have made sure you were okay before I put Red on. I’ll remember that next time, alright? What’s this about you grabbing his hair?”
“I tried to drag him away from the house,” sniffles Trick.
“And he let you?” asks Anti, his voice suddenly sharper.
“No, no - I mean, I dragged him away, and then he - it wasn’t his fault, he was scared, Anti, he had one of his episodes!”
“Just tell me what he did,” orders Anti flatly.
Trick chokes on a sob. “He grabbed my throat and - the syringe - he didn’t know, you know he gets confused - ”
Anti sits in thought for a moment, rubbing both of their backs.
Then he laughs.
“He put you in your place, huh?” Anti grabs Trick’s cheek and shoves him playfully onto the ground. “You got a little rough with big brother and he pushed you back? Shit, I always forget how much fire he really has in him. Come on, Trick, don’t cry, it’s okay, poor thing. You had a little scuffle, that’s all. But Doktor knows how to handle you when you’re bad. Put you right back where you belong, just like Red does. Your big brothers know how to keep you on track.”
Trick’s eyes well up with hot tears.
It’s true that Red’s made sure he was aware of his place at the bottom of the pack more than once before.
But Doktor isn’t supposed to be like that.
Doktor’s supposed to be… his.
Was that all this was, just his big brother shoving him back down the ladder? Just revenge for grabbing his hair too tight?
Trick thinks he could throw up. He wishes Anti would hypnotize him. He wishes today had never happened.
“Can we go home?” he whispers.
“Yes,” says Anti, tucking a curl of brown hair behind his ear. “Just promise me you won’t run off again. Okay?”
“Yes, Anti, of course. I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. I know. But twin kept an eye on you, and everything’s okay. Get up, then, little one. Let’s go home.”
Anonymous asked: Anti, Doktor wasn't himself for a moment. Will he be okay?
He turns to you, concerned. “I’m glad you noticed that,” he sighs. “I’d appreciate whatever help you can give me keeping an eye on it. And the name isn’t - look, whatever, I give two fucks about the name, but he gets so goddamn lost sometimes…”
Trick is walking on the path a few feet behind him, his head down and his face red and blotchy. Doktor is kept close under Anti’s arm, still unresponsive, but at least walking. Anti glances over at him and runs a hand over his head.
“He’s had episodes in the past where he would try to stab things. Me included. He’s wild, really, my Doktor. Once woke up Red up in the middle of the night by attempting to sedate him for a surgery he had decided he needed. Fuck, little nightmare. I adore him. It’s my fault, though, you know… fuck, I… I’ve had him do things for me in the past, bloody things, and now sometimes… he freaks out like that.”
He knocks his head against Doktor’s and Doktor looks up slightly, blinking. For a second, they don’t look like anything but brothers. Could just as well be Jack and Henrik out for a walk.
“You need new glasses,” Anti mumbles, tugging gently on his ear, and Doktor, in response, gives him a small, shaky smile.
musical-in-theory asked: Oh go fuck yourself Anti.
Doktor looks up, something flashing through his eyes. “Don’t talk to him like that,” he rasps, his mouth twitching, first with a frown, then with a snarl.
Anti smiles at you, petting the back of his head.
Anonymous asked: Not really a question for any of the boys, more for the mod, but what are we? Are we just a bunch of cameras or..?
Yes and no. For my purposes I like to describe you as someone looking in through a camera, but you don’t have to imagine it that way. Anti probably does keep cameras on them and around the house, but in most scenes if I’m talking about a physical camera, it’s just for the literary function it serves. Clearly it’s not limited to the camera view, because we see them through an omniscient viewpoint, often talking about the way they’re feeling or what they’re thinking. So I mostly just talk about you being a bunch of cameras cause that’s what works for me. But if you prefer to think you’re there with them or something, that’s okay.
Thanks for asking. Make sense?
Anonymous asked: Dapper you alright by yourself? Things got a bit... hectic outside for a moment. Don't want you feeling too alone though.
Dapper is down on his hands and knees, staring at the floor. He glances up at you, frowning.
“There are flowers,” he says. “Coming out of my floorboards.”
And there are. Crocus. Growing up through the ceiling.
spicydanhowell asked: marv... do you remember what just happened?
Blue grabs the camera off the island and picks you up, swinging in a circle, laughing. “I woke up with Anti! My whole head feels like the ocean when it’s angry! But I feel good! I feel really good, I think I’m high.”
He bursts into laughter. His eyes are very, very blue.
Vines creep up the walls behind him, curling in through Doktor and Trick’s window.
Anonymous asked: Was there always plants growing there? Or does it have... more of a magical feel to it?
Red stares at you, looking mildly panicked. “These were not here before,” he whispers, turning you around to see a floor littered in heavy white roses. “These are not… normal.”
You can hear Blue rambling on the other side of the room.
Anonymous asked: M A G I C flowers, mayhaps?
“I was not trained for magic flowers!” cries Red. “Blue, what the hell is happening?”
florenceisfalling asked: flowers? marvin/blue, is everything okay?
“Everything’s good! I feel good! I feel great! I feel powerful! Is this what Anti always feels like?”
Blue is standing in Trick and Doktor’s nest, laughing. The sun casts him into golden light. He’s wearing a pair of Red’s sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Through it, you can see heavy bandaging, but he doesn’t move like he’s injured.
“Blue,” cries Red, worried. “Sit down and let’s figure this out, please.”
“What are you so worried about?” giggles Blue, turning to him with arms spread wide. Blood swells through the cloth of his shirt and stains it red. “Isn’t Anti your little puppetmaster? Aren’t you happy to see me like this? Aren’t you happy, Red?”
Red has gone pale; his eyes flicker across the rapidly blooming flowers with a low anxiety in his eyes.
Anonymous asked: Oh god, I hope blue won't be in trouble...
Red clutches at his hair, hurrying towards Blue on the other side of the room, though he rarely crosses into Trick and Doktor’s territory.
“Come down,” he urges, grabbing Blue’s hands. “Come on, come down. I don’t know how Anti will react to seeing this. You need to come down and let’s - let’s tear these up.”
“Tear up my flowers?” whines Blue. “Why, why?”
“You’re - Blue, I think you’re hurting yourself, you’re high. It’s okay, let’s just take a break, okay?”
Blue groans, throwing his head back. “No, no, no, I feel good - I feel good - I feel good, I don’t want to hurt anymore.”
“You’re bleeding, bud.”
“Bud?” Blue blinks and startles, staggering slightly amid Trick and Doktor’s blankets. “Bud?”
Red glances at you, then back at Blue. “Um, yeah. Bud. Are you doing okay?”
Marvin’s face has gone very white. He stares at Red, beginning to feel ill. “Been a long time since you called me bud,” he mumbles, staring at him.
Anonymous asked: red, make him sit down. he's going to crash at some point and it won't be pretty. the euphoria will wear off and he'll be humiliated
“Fuck,” hisses Red. “You’re right, I - Blue?”
Marvin’s crumpling to his knees, his hands clutching at the bloody cut beneath his arm. “No, no, no,” he groans, shaking his head. “No, no, I feel good.”
Red grabs him as he shakes his way to his knees, scooping him into his arms like he weighs nothing. He’s thin and trembling in his grip, and Red ignores the confused cry that he gives, turning around to haul him back behind the island.
“You need to lie down,” he commands, setting his twin on the bag.
“No, no!” shrieks Blue, scratching at his bandages. “No, I feel good! I don’t know what’s happening! Where’s Anti? I want Anti! Go get Anti!”
“Blue, be quiet!” cries Red, panicked. “You could get in trouble, you could get hurt! I don’t know what he’ll think of this! Please, just lie quiet!”
“I don’t want to lose my mind!” Marvin shrieks, gripping at his hair. “I don’t want to lose my mind, I don’t want to be his little whore! I’m not a pet, I’m not a toy! What’s happening to me?”
Red slams his hand down hard on the wood beside Marvin’s head, crushing a violet back into the floorboards.
Blue flinches hard, gasping, and stares up at him. Red leans in close.
“You stay quiet,” he hisses. “So I can keep you safe. I’m not asking. Do you fucking understand me?”
Blue blinks, shaking.
“I don’t have to stick my neck out for you,” snaps Red. “I don’t have to. I don’t know why I care. It’d be so much easier not to care. About you, about Doktor, about Trick. I want so badly to hate you. You have no fucking idea.”
Blue’s eyes well with tears.
“But I can’t. all I can do is keep you as safe as I can. As full as I can. As happy as I can. As obedient as I can, so you don’t all get your idiot asses fucking killed. So lie quiet. Do you understand me?”
Marvin’s mouth trembles. “Yes,” he manages finally. “Yes, okay.”
Red breathes deep, struggling to control his temper. Blue’s face is changing rapidly, euphoric one second, exhausted the next, but he’s stopped yelling and running around, and the flowers are no longer spreading.
“Okay then,” whispers Red.
He touches the side of his face. Blue reaches out to take his hand. Red draws it away.
“Okay.”
spicydanhowell asked: you said you love him marv. is that true?
“L-love who?” Marvin stammers, curling in on himself, clutching at his bandaged ribs. “Who - Anti?”
He tries to breathe, sinking down against his sleeping bag. “Of course,” chokes Blue. “Of course, of course I love him, why - why won’t he come back and hold me again? I don’t feel well… I feel good, I feel so good…”
Anonymous asked: This house has been struck with a bad case of delirium today
Red turns to you, grinning coldly. “You’d be fucking surprised,” he says, his voice shaking. “Just how often that happens.”
Anonymous asked: How’s Marvin, or perhaps Blue, doing back at the house?
Anti stops short on the path outside their house, his grip tightening on Doktor’s shoulder. Doktor blinks and looks up, startled to see grasses grown tall around the walls of the house, flowers bursting up through cracks in concrete and the muddy dirt of the lawn.
“Anti?” asks Trick behind him, fearful. “What’s going on?”
Anti’s eyes flicker as he searches across his cameras.
“Nothing to be worried about,” he murmurs, resuming his calm walk back towards the house. “We’ll just have to figure out how to get a leash on this.”
Trick hurries up beside him and then reach the house together, peering in the open doorway. “Blue?” calls Trick. “Red? What’s going on?”
Red pokes his head up over the island. Anti’s eyes narrow.
“Cat doing okay?” he asks.
“Yes, Anti,” says Red, looking pale.
“Did he do this?”
“The flowers, yes, Anti, I think so.”
“You didn’t stop him.”
“I woke him up, Anti.”
“Woke him up?”
“He did it while he was dreaming. Started tossing and turning and all the flowers came up.”
Anti relaxes slightly, stepping closer to Red and rounding the island, finding Blue stretched out on the sleeping bag, exhausted. “Poor kitty,” he purrs, crouching down beside him. Blue smiles shakily and reaches up to grip his hand. Anti kisses the back of his wrist, humming. “Still mine, baby?”
“Of course, of course…”
“How long did it take the flowers to come up, Red?”
Two minutes, probably. “Bout half an hour, Anti.”
Anti nods, considering. “Okay,” he says, finally. “Blue, I don’t want this happening if you can help it, okay?”
“Okay, Anti,” murmurs Blue, looking ashamed.
“We’ll fix the bad dreams, okay? No more flowers.”
“No more flowers,” whispers Blue, eyes downcast.
Anti gets back to his feet, turning back to his right hand. “I have work to do,” he says. “Don’t disturb me again.”
“Yes, Anti.”
“Dok’s in one of his close-offs. Don’t let him wander or hurt himself.”
“Yes, Anti.”
“And keep a better eye on your twin if you want to keep him.”
Red does not so much as shift. There is no fear in his eyes. He never shows anything to his master.
“Yes, Anti.”
Anti clucks his chin. “Good boy,” he murmurs, and then, with a flash of static glitching, he is gone again.
Doktor and Trick stand in the doorway, staring at the flowers. Red, shaking minutely, falls to his knees and grips at his hair.
Anonymous asked: How many times can Dapper go back and fix things though? Seems like he gets fatigued pretty quickly.
Dapper is picking up the tiny flowers all over his room. He has transitioned from confused to delighted and he is smiling brightly, darting across the room in pursuit of the next flower and carefully pulling it up from the floor. Occasionally, he seems to forget that there’s a rope around his throat, and he’ll trip over it and yank on his throat, which has begun to turn blue as the crocus.
“Why do you ask? Do you need to redo something?”
He jumps onto his bed and begins arranging the flowers he’s collected in careful lines. “Fatigued pretty quickly. I - I get dizzy very often. But please, don’t tell anyone I tire too fast. I’m supposed to be very powerful and big brother doesn’t like it when I can’t go any farther.”
He sighs and pauses in his flower arrangements, grimacing.
“The number of times I can go back changes based on how far back you need me to go. Four hours is usually what Anti asks. I can do that about six times… but I told Anti eight.”
Dapper stares down at his fingers.
“I don’t like to disappoint him.”
Anonymous asked: red, someone needs to be taking care of him while he's hysterical like this. where are trick and doktor?
“Fuck, I should have gone looking for them earlier,” says Red. “Before Anti had to do it. I…didn’t look after them.”
He rises to his feet, pausing only to grab at his bandaged head, which has begun to ache again. He needs more rest than he’s getting. He never gets any rest.
“You two okay?” he asks sharply, turning to the twins.
Trick and Doktor stare back. Truth be told, they look the worse for the wear, and Red feels a surge of fear at the thought that Anti was hitting them again - Trick only looks this dejected after a beating, and Dok’s turned off completely, something Red has come to view as a small mercy - but Trick, at least, still has enough fire to snap at him.
“Like you fucking care,” he grumbles.
“Shut up,” snaps Red, but, truth be told, he’s grateful to see him still fighting. “What happened to Dok? He doesn’t close off like that for nothing.”
Trick’s eyes well up with tears. Humiliated, he gives no answer, stalking away from Red and returning to his nest, as usual, as always, and takes his gun back into his hands, shoving lilies off the grip. Red blinks, surprised to see him go without dragging his twin after him, but he doesn’t have time for that now.
“Dok,” calls Red, moving closer to him. “Do you think you can look at Blue for me? They’re right, he needs some help.”
Doktor shifts on his feet, breathing a little oddly. Nevertheless, he manages to look up. “Some help?” he repeats raspily, pushing at his glasses.
Red sighs. “Yeah, Dok, I need you to look after Blue.”
“Who… I don’t know a Blue…”
“The magician, Dok.”
Doktor blinks. Shifts. And, suddenly, wakes up again.
“Oh, Blue!” he cries, already hurrying towards the island. “Fuck dammit, Red, tell me a little sooner next time!”
Red throws up his hands, exasperated. “Just take it easy, okay, you had another one of your little breakdowns. Thanks a lot for running off, by the way.”
“One of my little - I don’t have breakdowns.” Doktor readjusts his glasses and reaches Blue’s side. “Ah! You have got blood everywhere. Shirt off, let’s get cleaned up then, yeah? Good Doktor is here. Good Doktor is right here.”
In the corner, Trick turns his face to the window, so nobody can see him cry.
Anonymous asked: is doktor all right? who will look after him and blue? has he ever hurt himself or anyone before?
“I’m fine, of course! I don’t know what you’re all going on with all this worry. Trick and I just… I think we went for a walk. And now we are back, yes? So no need to worry.”
Red sighs and sits down beside him and Blue.
“Dok, are you sure you’re okay?” asks Blue, in a soft voice. “Did something happen?”
Doktor blinks and draws back, his eyes momentarily foggy again, but he returns to himself right away. “It’s you we should be worried about, Blue. Anti can be overwhelming the first time, yes? And these cuts… tsk, tsk. Let’s get cleaned up. Need new stitches.”
Red puts a hand on the back of Doktor’s neck. “Clean him up and I’ll let you pick something out from the store, okay?”
Doktor whirls on him, a desperate relief in his face. “Gloves? Like you said? So Trick doesn’t lose his fingers clutching that gun all night?”
Red nods, considering. “Sure, yeah.” He’s too exhausted to disagree anyway. He just needs to keep them together, functioning, quiet and easily ignored, before they reach the ends of Anti’s patience.
“Now you’re talking,” grins Dok, pulling out gauze and sutures. “Fuck, you all need to stop getting hurt! Why is this family so goddamn accident prone? Clumsy disasters that you all are.”
He ignores the second half of your question. But Trick’s camera is running too, and he turns you toward him, his eyes puffy and red and angry, tears streaming down his face.
“He’s not okay,” he croaks out. “He hurts himself a lot, you have no - you have no idea, his nightmares are like torture, I…”
He breaks off, rubbing his face, whimpering.
“I’m so tired of living like this,” he whispers, and sets his head down beside his gun, closing his eyes.
musical-in-theory asked: Marvin? Please you have to come back to us! You can’t let him win like this!
Blue nods slowly, staring at you. A flicker of anguish runs over his face. “I know there’s something I’m supposed to be remembering,” he moans. “But everything keeps coming and going.”
“Hey, calm down,” murmurs Doktor, brushing hair from his eyes. “The first time is scary, is overwhelming. But soon…”
Marvin reaches up to cling to his hand, staring at him with tears in his eyes.
“Soon it all vanishes behind you. A few weeks, okay? And then the pain stops.”
Marvin chokes, staring up at Red, who stares back, at a loss for what to say to the great ocean of fear in his face.
“Is this what you think painlessness is?” he cries. “Is this what he’s made you believe is happiness? My brothers - my brothers - my brothers, made like slaves.”
Doktor pauses, taken aback, but Red does not flinch. What can Marvin say that he has not asked himself a hundred times over? It doesn’t matter. He has to learn his place. He has to adjust to this. And Red knows, knows all too well, that if he is not there to reinforce everything his master does, his little brothers will not bend right.
The price of life is silence.
Red reaches forward, face blank, and touches his finger to Marvin’s mouth. Shh.
And Blue, crying, obeys him.
musical-in-theory asked: Hey Anti! You’ll never be shit, glitch! You’re just like your father!
“Hmm,” says Anti, padding up the stairs towards his work room. “That’s a good one. But you know, I think Jack’s favorite was… fuck, do you remember it? ‘I smell like beef.’ Ha ha!”
He steps into his room and sits down on the blood-stained wooden chair in the middle, staring at you, face cold. Then there is a flicker across your vision, a glitch across the whole room, and you are staring, suddenly, at a recording room you have seen many times before - grey walls, a green padded chair, and a very familiar face in the middle.
Anti just looks like Jack. He smiles cheerily, his movements more energetic, his face bright and enthusiastic.
“I can do a very good Jack impression!” he tells you. “He loved memes, he loved jokes like that! What a goof! I learned all about what he liked when I was living in his head. He was always so… cheerful. I guess that’s the one thing I never understood. He was happy to be alive.”
He glitches again and he’s wearing a PMA hoodie, his face pensive. “And so… so very full of fears.”
Anti shrugs, hums, considers.
“I know everything about him,” he says. “I know everything. Do you think you would like it, being born already having been another person? Being everything he hates about himself, everything he’s afraid of? I guess I am like my father. Isn’t that funny? Isn’t that so funny? You’ll never be shit, goose… what was that game he played, with the goose running around… he thought it was so funny… he was so happy to be alive…
“Oh, well. You can mock me if you want. It doesn’t mean much. I’ve won. What’s a hate comment after all that? He had twenty million viewers to watch him fail his little toys, his precious little characters. And the irony is that you’re still watching. That you’d still be watching, even if he wasn’t here, calling me jack shit to make yourself feel better about the fact that… well… you lose.”
The illusion fades away. He sits in his chair, blood-stained, and watches you. His eyes are blue.
“You lose,” he says, softly. He looks tired. “You lose. There is nothing… nothing he can do to change that…”
Anonymous asked: He treats them like animals. Why?
Anti sits back, frowning. “How else would I treat them?” he asks. “Don’t you know I was somebody’s pet once too? Let off the leash once a year, so you could all rack up his view count. Now his little darlings belong to me, and I’m the master. I’m the one in charge.”
He turns away from you, shaking his head. Closes his eyes. His body is translucent. “I’m the one in charge,” he whispers. “I am, I am, I am… he can’t find me… me and my pets… I’m the one in control. That will never change again.”
Anonymous asked: Okay, Jack can't find you... But are you able to find Jack? Seems you aren't interested in doing so, but is that just out of general disinterest or are you actively avoiding him?
Anti stands up, grabbing the camera. “No more talking about this,” he hisses, abandoning you on the other side of the room and turning back to his computer, his teeth gritted tight in his mouth.
musical-in-theory asked: Anti, Jack never even wanted you. You aren’t one of his egos. The fans made you and he played along. You aren’t their brother. You never could be.
The screen explodes into static and a terrible shrieking rings through the connection like a scream.
“Not one of his egos? Not one of his egos? Do you think you’re fucking funny? I’m wearing his goddamn face! He made me! He put silver in his hands, that was him, that was him! Like he didn’t choose me! Not their brother, I - ”
Screaming, Anti rises to his feet, flashing between dog and man. Downstairs, Trick, Dok, and Red react immediately, scrambling for hiding places, with Red shoving Blue into the corner of the island and Doktor hurrying towards Trick. Dapper, in his room, snaps to attention, getting down from the bed, confused by the noise of his brother’s rage - he isn’t as used to taking the brunt of his rage, and so he doesn’t react fast enough.
Anti grabs him by the rope on the back of his throat and yanks him in front of the camera, shaking him. “Does this not look like my brother? Is that what you fucking think? Huh?” He slaps Dapper’s cheek and his little brother gasps, making a small, desperate clicking noise with his tongue, the best form of begging he has with his hands held up to his throat, trying to stop the rope from cutting further into his bleeding throat.
“What, you think Jack wanted him more than me? Like he wasn’t half-dead by the time he created him? Like he was anything more than a last-ditch attempt at protection?”
He hauls Dapper back towards him, grabbing his face and forcing him to look up to him. “Jack didn’t want you!” he screams. “Jack didn’t give a fuck about you! He just needed a time traveler to fix his mistakes! You were nothing! You are nothing!”
The power he’s emitting is not only glitching across the camera, it’s physically burning the screen. His eyes are black. Dapper’s eyes are black too, he squirms, his fingers grappling for his clock, and then he reaches it, and then -
As is usual to indicate that Dapper has turned back time, a previous post was reblogged with Dapper’s addition. In this case, Dapper reversed to the time of the post where Red told Blue to be quiet and Blue, crying, obeyed him. Any events between that time and this have been undone in the timeline.
Upstairs, Dapper is panting hard, lying on his bed with his flowers on the window, clutching the rope around his throat in one hand, and his clock in the other.
It’s okay. He’s okay. He undid it. He undid it. He’s okay.
“Please don’t tell him that again,” he begs, and then, shaking, he staggers off his bed, and crawls beneath, hiding himself in his arms, clutching a blue crocus flower in his hand.
Anonymous asked: ANTI YOU"RE FUCKING HOT
“Well, as Jack would say - ” Anti reaches up to turn off the camera. “That’s enough internet for me today.”
Moderator’s note: I would just like you all to know that that ^ is the most popular post on this blog as of January 2020.
Anonymous asked: Hey, Cha- Trick. It’s hard for you, and I understand that. I have no clue. But I have a feeling something good is coming. Keep hope, dude. I believe in you!
Trick glances up, his mouth trembling. “You really think that? I could use something good coming.”
He glances up at finds Doktor coming towards him, clutching triumphant blueberry bagels in his hands, a reward for cleaning Blue up. Mouth tightening white, eyes watery, Trick turns back to his window and focuses on his scope.
“Trick, let’s have dinner,” says Doktor, coming up behind him and sitting down in their blankets, tearing his bagel into slices. “Did we eat this morning? I feel so hungry.”
He holds out the bagel, but Trick doesn’t have it to look up. Confused, Dok knocks his shoulder, and Trick jumps hard, jerking away from him.
Doktor draws back, confused.
“Bad day?” asks Doktor, bewildered. “Hurt? Let me see.”
Trick shakes his head, biting down on his lip hard.
Doktor sits back, mouth slightly agape.
Anonymous asked: Holy shit, that was actually kinda scary
Dapper draws you close to his chest, lying under the bed, hiding, nodding. You can hear him crying softly, but it doesn’t last long. He’s tired. Doesn’t have him in it to be upset.
He hates the isolation. He hates the isolation. And, yes, he’s scared out of his mind, he’s always scared out of his mind, unless he’s losing it - but the fact is that even if there were anyone in the world who cared about him, he’d still be alone right now, because no one else knows what just happened.
He wishes… he wishes…
There’s a soft caw, caw in the window.
Anonymous asked: trick, how does he hurt himself? please be strong. i know you don't have it easy, but doktor will be himself again soon and you'll make up
Trick wipes at his eyes, grabbing one of the blankets he usually shares and dragging it over his shoulder. Doktor’s retreated to the five stairs that lead to the nest, giving him space.
“Dok gets scared,” he rasps. “Angry. Confused. He has these nightmares… or this one nightmare, anyway, over and over again. I keep watch. He scratches at his arms. And then sometimes, when he’s awake…”
Trick grits his teeth, groaning to himself. “When he goes dead, like that he - he scares me so much. I never know what he’ll do. Once he got his scalpel out and I found him - he used to be a heart surgeon, you know, he must have thought - it was awful. But he’s never…”
He trails off into tears, hiding his face from you.
“He’s never attacked me before… I didn’t think he - I thought Doktor was safe… the only one that was safe… We’re supposed to take care of each other. Fuck, why did I fucking grab him? I’m so stupid. I’m so sorry, you don’t have to listen to this.”
He shoves the camera slightly away, sobbing. “This is all my fault, fuck.”
florenceisfalling asked: trick, it's not your fault. it isn't, i promise. you're doing so well, people need you. people care for you. i promise. i would suggest listening to music to make you feel better, but i don't know if thats an option for you guys...?
Trick blinks. “Oh… oh, I’d love some music… Red has the little mp3 player, Anti gives it to him sometimes when he has to go on missions far away…”
He sighs, glancing back at his brothers. He can hear Blue and Red talking softly in their corner. It’s… really strange. He’s never heard Red speak so softly to anyone.
“Things change when you have a twin,” he murmurs. “Because… you’re right. Someone does need me. Someone does care for me.“
His eyes well up again. He curses himself for how easily he cries. It’s never done him much good in his life. “But you don’t think - do you think - do you think he grabbed me like that on purpose? Do you think he - ” He covers his mouth with his hands, dropping the gun. Doktor jumps, turning to stare at him, alarmed now.
“Do you think he hates me too?”
Anonymous asked: Trick, things are changing and they're changing quickly. It's a lot, and it's scary. Everyone's stressed and adjusting, and sometimes things get out of hand. Give it time, let things settle. The good changes will stay. The bad ones, we'll just have to work through until they're better, okay? Keep your brothers close.
“Yeah, yeah. That’s true. So much is changing, I don’t - I feel like everything got so out of hand so fast. I need to work through it, I gotta work through this.” He groans and wipes desperately at his soaking face. “Why am I always such a mess? I try so hard to keep it together, then I fuck up again and everyone sees me crying like a baby… no wonder I’m the least favorite.”
He sniffles and pulls his blankets in tighter. “Keep my brothers close… I… I need him, I just don’t know how to stop thinking about his hands around my neck…”
nikkilbook asked: Trick, I think he DID think he was keeping you safe. Remember, he was saying something about you, about not hurting Trick. He didn’t realize you were you. He was trying to find you, keep you safe. He wasn’t putting you in your place. He was trying to look out for you, just like you were trying to look out for him when you took him outside.
Trick’s eyes clear slightly. He rubs at his eyes. “That’s true,” he whispers. “He was calling for me. He always calls for me when he’s afraid, you know… not for Anti, not for Red. Just for me.”
He relaxes slightly, staring out the window. He’s looked out on these trees so many times he thinks it would have driven him insane if he were alone. At least he always had someone to lie next to him, to talk about nothing and everything with. At least he’s had someone to live for.
“I keep him safe,” he mumbles. “That’s why I get up in the morning. I keep him and Anti safe. We look out for each other. Even though what happened today sucked ass.”
Anonymous asked: Do you guys ever talk about what you're feeling? I think some communication would help you guys right now, if not with us, at least with each other.
“Trick,” calls Dok, softly, from the stairs.
Trick glances at you, biting hard on his lip.
“Can we talk?” asks Dok.
It takes Trick a long moment to answer. He shakes, his hands clenched tight.
And then they loosen, releasing the gun.
“Yeah,” he whispers, turning back to him. “Yeah, I want that.”
End Section Two of Chapter One.
Find this chapter’s masterlist here.
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Simon Vs Fan Fic: Chapter 6 - One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Ao3
Leah came with me to Walgreens to get items to put into Bram’s care package. Abby and Nick were still asleep and Ian decided to go on home and sober up for tonight’s partying. She went into the store to start on my list because I called Bram to apologize.
“Hi handsome,” Bram’s voice comes with a layer heart and warmth that drips into my ear.
“I don’t deserve that today,” I start as I shuffle in the passenger seat.
“Stop, Si.”
“If I made you feel bad in anyway, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, honest. What can I do to make you feel better?”
I scoff in guilt. “Here I am trying to apologize to you and you’re the one asking what you can do for me.”
“Simon,” Bram begins. “I know how hard this is, believe me. You have no idea how much Baltimore Nick has to listen to me talk things out. But what is important is how we communicate like we are now. When either of us is feeling something, we just need to let the other know. If I could hold you right now, I would tuck myself so close to your chest so I could hear my heart beat in your chest.”
“I miss you so much. I thought it would be easier, but I was wrong, it’s so much harder.”
“I made the same assumption too and it looks like I’ve been listening to Elliot Smith more and more. Which is counter-productive because the lyrics really are depressing. Remember this, Simon: you’re no longer alone in this, we’re in this together.”
“I’m glad you’re with my goofy butt, Bram. In spite of all my craziness.”
Bram exhaled and I swore I could feel his soft breath on my ear. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you Simon. I see a man with perpetual sexy bedhead. I see your moon-grey eyes explore my face with beautiful awe. I see a man willing to do anything and everything for the sake of others at the expense of himself because that’s how much other people mean to him. I see a boy who I had eyes for since freshman year of high school. Look in the mirror, Si, through my eyes and you’ll understand.”
“I’ll work on that, B, I promise.”
“Simon Jacob Spier.”
“Abraham Louis Greenfeld.”
“I will see you soon.” He could feel Bram’s smile stretch across his phone as well as pang in his voice that was hungry for my flesh.
The ‘I love you’ chorus sang between us and I hung up. My screensaver of Bram popped up, a picture I screenshot from his Instagram. I barely kept any apps on my home screen so I could always stare at him when I needed him most. It’s such a strange gift, being able to affect another person’s mood only with the power of existing.
I left Leah’s car and walked into the Walgreens to find her reading a magazine on the floor.
“How’d it go?” Leah asked, not looking up from her issue of National Geographic.
“Exactly how you said.” I admitted, hand on the back of my neck.
“I swear to god it almost feels like I’m dating you guys too.” She replied, placing the magazine back on the shelf.
“How have you done it?” I ask her, looking for an honest answer.
“I don’t know, I’m not getting any out of it either,” she responds jokingly, standing up with my help.
“I’m serious. Leah.”
Leah rolls her eyes, “Do we have to do this in a Walgreens?” She starts to walk towards the food aisle, knowing the first item that will go into Bram’s care package. I catch her by her arm and stop her.
“We do…I just feel…ever since I knew I am going to propose, I’ve regressed into my high school self where I’m…an idiot and stumble over even small and easy things with you guys and Bram. You’re keeping me balanced, Leah, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Leah hugs me in the middle of the aisle as an older lady is looking at the greeting cards. She notices us and crosses her hands on her chest.
“You’re right, Simon,” Leah says, “you have regressed a little because you’re making me being a friend a big deal! Spier, are you going to regress to the point where you’re back in the closet?”
We laugh and walk towards the Oreos. Walgreens is a different store right when it opens. The employees still look like there is a sparkle of hope in their eyes. Leah and I discuss the pros and cons of double stuff verses regular Oreos when I finally tell her what I’ve been thinking since I knew I wanted to propose to Bram.
“Leah, you’re going to have to be my Best Person, you know that right?”
She shot me a confused look and smiled. “That’s how you’re asking me to be your Best Person? As a joking demand?”
“It actually seemed the most fitting way to do it to be honest,” I defend.
A large smile grew across her face. “You’re actually right for once in your life, Si.”
We checked out and I added the Double Stuff Oreos (I won that argument) to my care package that also had additional snacks, stereotypical college food, new CDs for him to listen to (yes we both still buy and own CDs), a pack of legal writing pads that he loves to use in his journalism classes, pencils and pens with his name embroidered on them, a framed picture of us from this summer, and a bottle of vodka, the only liquor that doesn’t make Bram too nauseated. We dropped it off at the post office and the worker seemed shocked to see two college-age kids in there at nine A.M.
“Sorry about last night.” I said on our way back to the apartment.
“You don’t really have anything to apologize for, you just got drunk and…Simony.”
“I know, but…I felt like we didn’t talk about how Abby and Nick felt really. Like I stole focus.”
“Well, you did,” Leah replied laughing, “but I think it was wanted. It didn’t seem like they wanted to discuss it.”
“I’ll make it up to them. I’ll cook breakfast.”
“I know none of us will say no to that.”
Once we’re home, Nick and Abby are awake and lounging in the living room. We all catch up while I’m cooking breakfast and they’re cleaning up remnants of the party from last night.
“So other than those major projects for school, I also have been commissioned to do a piece for another Off-Broadway show.” Abby finishes.
“Sounds like a good problem to have,” Leah says, throwing the solo cups into our recycling bin.
“Truer words have never been spoken.” Abby replies, sipping on water.
“So guys, breakfast is ready.” I turn around and have two plates ready to go for Nick and Abby and we sit at the former pong table. “View this as an official apology for last night.”
Both Abby and Nick tilt their heads in mild annoyance.
“Like we told you last night, nothing to apologize for. BUT!” Abby shouted, “We did gloss over the fact that you are marrying Bram!”
“Proposing to, yes, I am!” I shout back as I bring Leah and my plates. “Right now the plan is propose in Shady C over our break on our anniversary with rings provided by my Dad.”
“Ahhh! So we’ll all still be in the city!”
“I hope so, it’s at the end of January right before classes start, will that work for you guys?”
“For you and Bram? We’ll make it work,” Nick replies, stuffing egg and sausage into him mouth.”
“I also got his mom’s blessing when she visited last month and I’m still waiting to speak to his Dad but he is a hard man to talk to now that Ruth is in kindergarten.”
Abby stared at me with a dropped jaw as Nick reminded steadfast at eating.
“You’re asking his parents?! That is so cute!”
“I’m hoping to convince his Dad to come fishing to at least lure him up here.”
“Was that a pun?” Nick said, laughing.
“Not intentionally,” I reply.
The rest of our Saturday was stereotypical college student life: movies, booze, GrubHub order, some light marijuana use, more booze and then the bars that night. New Haven is a great New England town in the fall and the leaves crunched beneath our shoes as we walked to the second bar of the night.
“So I want to say this only once more and then I’ll leave it alone. You guys doing okay since the break up?”
Nick and Abby stared at each other.
“We really are,” Nick answered. “Bram was a huge help too, not to say that to make you upset, but-”
“No, no, I’m sorry guys,” I respond. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that and I have no right to. Bram is his own person and I shouldn’t be so…territorial.”
“You’re not territorial, Si,” Leah said between handing us our drinks.
“Yeah, I am. Or was. I don’t know. Last night took me back to the insecure Simon and I didn’t like that. I’m so, so happy Bram was able to help you guys, and I need to work on trust.”
“Si, we can’t really pretend to understand how it was like to be outed or come out in general,” Nick said with a sympathetic smile. “But if you actually have trust issues, they’re valid. It’s okay to feel feelings.” He finished, laughing. “That’s a weird sentence, but don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“I guess…I just…I think it all stems back from me thinking that…”
I haven’t ever really told anyone this ever, not Leah, not Bram, not Ian. I was weighing actually being honest as my friend’s concerned eyes stared at me as we walked to a table.
“I guess I have never felt like I’m good enough for Bram, like he will wake up one morning and realize he’s only been with some weird kid from his high school and discover that I’m not enough for him.”
There. It was out there. I finally said it. There was some relief in being honest about my feelings, especially something I’ve felt since Bram and I started dating. Bram has never made me feel this way, let me put that out there. It’s all my brain, all of my psychosis.
“Simon…” Abby pulled my hand to her, Leah placed hers on top, and even Nick put his hand on the pile.
It was already helpful to be able to say those things out loud and I think they understood that I need to get through those feelings myself, but their hands on my hand made me realize that I’m not alone, ever, no matter what. I know it’s cheesy but sometimes you need to hear the cheesy Hallmark card sentences.
“How could you think you’re not good enough?” Nick asked.
“You may be a weird kid from high school, but that doesn’t mean it makes Bram love you less.” Leah added.
“In fact, it probably helped you,” Abby finished as she flashed her Abby smile. “Simon, I know there’s nothing we can really say otherwise until you believe it yourself, but you’re a catch, Bram is lucky to have you just as much as you are lucky to have him.”
“Yeah, you need some self-esteem.” Nick said blatantly. After some stares from Abby and Leah, he continued. “I mean, you…naw, you need to work on your self-esteem. Cause if you don’t, the constant doubt and questioning will end up hurting you the most. And Bram may not want to stay around to watch you do that to yourself.”
“Easier said that done.” Leah said. “But he’s right, Si. As soon as you look at your relationship as a partnership instead of…however you look at it now, all of this doubt will go away.”
I know it wasn’t any business of mine, but I couldn’t help myself and asked.
“Was that why you two split up?” They looked at one another and now I felt like a dick. “Sorry, I’m just the worst person this weekend.”
“No, no it’s fine,” Abby said, sipping her beer. “We both had kinda the opposite problem. Too much pride.”
“Relationships are about give and take and I don’t think we ever found that rhythm. Both can’t give and not take.”
“It’s like if two tops tried to date.” I say, letting it slip out before stopping myself. Nick’s eyes bugged out as Abby started laughing until all of us were laughing at my dumb joke.
After that, the rest of the night was spent like we never left Shady Creek. Memories were talked about and conversation moved quickly and anytime a song came on that Abby liked we danced in the booth. Once the bar closed we swung by the late night pizza place and got some food while discussing the merits of Katy Perry’s latest album (I gave her an A for effort and Nick defended the album with the old ‘she’s hot’ argument).
The next day, I woke up to a text from Bram.
I was told today I can have that weekend off! I can’t wait to see you. :)
There’s no better way to start your day than having your boyfriend confirm a weekend together. Bram works part time at WBAL as their social media intern who they also make work most weekends. He gets to write the summary sentences of articles or links to the news stories on their website as well as respond to comments on their Facebook page postings. It wasn’t the most glamorous job, but it gave him experience and he liked that part.
I woke up Leah to sweet talk her into letting me borrow her car to drive to Baltimore and she said yes, but there was a price. I had to wake up to cook breakfast every morning until the weekend I needed it and I felt that was a fair trade off.
This morning, however, I didn’t cook breakfast and we all went to grab food together before Nick and Abby drove back to New York. When they visit, it never feels like we had enough time together.
“I wish we could stay longer,” Abby cutely pouted.
“I know I can’t convince you guys to stay in New Haven over New York, but I’ll never stop trying.” Leah responded as they hugged.
“So I’m assuming we’ll all see each other next during Thanksgiving?” I say.
“You know it.” Nick says as we hug too. “I love New York, but it’s nice to get out every once in a while, remember that there are smells other than garbage and smog.”
We laugh as I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. It’s Bram’s Dad. I excused myself from the group.
“Simon, how are you?”
“Great,” I answer, a bit shocked. “How about you?”
“I’m also doing fine. So listen, I know you’ve been trying to get a hold of me and I thought I’d let you know that we’ll be in Boston visiting the wife’s family this coming weekend. If you were interested, we could try meet. I know you’ve been wanting to talk to me in person per your messages.”
I could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice, but as long as I annoyed him into at least seeing me, I can ask him. I didn’t want to ask either of Bram’s parents over the phone unless I absolutely had to, so I’m glad Bram’s step mom’s family lives in Boston.
“Yes, yes that sounds great! I was thinking, if you’re up for it, that we could meet in Provincetown and do some fishing?”
Did I sound as weird as I felt saying that sentence? I must have because all of my friend stopped talking and stared at me.
“I didn’t think you still had fishing in you, Simon. That sounds great, I will be sure to pack my poles.”
His tone was more relaxed after I mentioned fishing. Thank you Tracy Greenfeld.
“Super!” I jump and pump my arm at the audience of my friends. “Also, I know this will sound weird, but can you not tell Bram we’re doing this?”
There was a gut-wrenching pause on the line. I couldn’t say that sentence without sounding weird. Nick shook his head and smiled at me as I flipped him off.
“Okay,” he started. “Can I ask why?”
“Yes, but I won’t be able to tell you until we see each other.”
Another pause as I placed my free hand on the back of my neck. Abby had her fingers crossed and Leah leaned on the car waiting for the call to be over.
“Okay, I’m sure you have your reasons. I won’t tell him.”
Wonderful! I finally got him to spend some one on one time with me. Before I hung up, I gave Bram’s dad the information on where we’d meet to fish. Since speaking to Tracy, I had tried to find the best place in the area to fish and you couldn’t go wrong with Cape Cod.
“Fishing? You?” Leah said.
“Gotta make sure Elijah is in a good mood when I ask for his blessing. He loves fishing and we’ll be out in the ocean, so good views too? That’s important when you fish, right?”
“So you’re going on boat, alone, into the ocean with the father of your boyfriend of whom you’re going to tell him you’re planning on marrying his son?” Nick teased.
“Yeah.”
“If you disappear, I think we’ll start with Elijah.”
“Shut up and get back to New York.”
It was always hard to see my friends leave after they visited. Abby waved goodbye until they turned the corner to head back to New York.
"Can I borrow the car this weekend?" I ask hands folded in a begging manner?
"Duh," Leah said, rolling her eyes and following me back inside.
I couldn’t really concentrate the entire week, trying to figure out the best way to ask Bram’s father.
“Dude, just ask it,” Ian said to me. We were in our final acting class and in between scene studies of our classmates.
“I don’t think I can with Elijah.” I answer. “He’s…not scary, but he’s hard to read and that makes me nervous.”
“If he said no, would that prevent you from still proposing?”
I’ve been so focused on preparing what I’m going to do when I propose that I didn’t think of that part. Which is bad because I still don’t know where in Shady Creek I would take him or what I’d do. I need to figure that out soon, but first I need to get past this weekend.
“The thought of not marrying Bram is worse than Elijah saying no.” I answer. “I’d…probably still do it even if he didn’t say yes.”
Ian laughed, “Then why even ask him? Isn’t asking permission a dated step in marrying someone these days?”
“Yeah, but it seems right to do ask. When it comes to Bram, I want to make sure to do everything right so that the proposal is perfect and then we can plan the wedding together because as you’ve probably noticed, I’m not the best planner.”
“Dude, I think you’re doing well for winging it.” Ian said drinking some water. “Brammy is going to love whatever you do. Do you know how you’re going to ask yet?”
“Ugh…no.”
“He likes soccer, would you want to do it on a soccer field? Oh my god, you should! Then you can have Bram’s family and friends on Bram’s side of the field and your family on your side and you can have them stand as Forwards, Midfielders, and Defenders and oh! You and Brammy and both of your parents can be the Forwards!”
I stared at Ian with bugged eyes. He noticed and laughed.
“You’ve thought a lot about this huh, Ian. You sure you don’t want to marry Bram?”
“Don’t tempt me with a good time,” Ian joked back. “But Bram is missing something that I would never be ale to get past.”
“Boobs?”
Ian put his hand on my shoulder, “Boobs.”
Ian did me thinking the rest of the week. I really wish not everyone hated my high school idea because all of the significant places we were, we spent the most time in that damn high school. I can’t really propose in our either of our bedrooms because one there is not enough space if I invite people and two I’d probably get distracted and we’d just end up having sex and I’d forget to propose.
Would it be cheesy to do it in the parking lot when we had out first lunch and kiss as a couple?"
The more I thought about it, the more and more it did make sense. Bram still has his old car and maybe I could convince the manager to let us go into the store after hours.
“Hmmm…” Leah thought after I told her the idea. It was Thursday night and I we were waiting for our lasagna to finish cooking.
“You hate it.” I ask leaning back I my chair and headed back to square one.
“I don’t…hate it….but it also just doesn’t seem like the most romantic place to propose.”
You weren’t in the car with us when we ate Oreos and kissed while it rained.
“We really didn’t have a place outside of school. Our places ended up being in the lunch room or the fair or…”
That’s it. It was the place we built the foundation of our relationship. All of those moments happened at high school. And as weird or tacky others may feel it is, they didn’t have the relationship Bram and I had. They didn’t have the emails that both Bram and I pined over when we didn’t know who the other was. I have to ask him at Creekwood. It’s where Bram and I discovered each other.
“What is it, Si?” Leah asks as I have been staring into space.
“When I propose, it’s happening at Creekwood.”
“Si, I thought-”
“I know, everyone else thought it was a bad idea, but you told me to trust my gut about this proposal and my gut is screaming Creekwood. It’s the best place, it has our history. We were in the parking lot on a ferris wheel when he kissed me. How could it be anywhere else?”
Leah looked at me with loving eyes and let a smile grow on her face, very un-Leah like.
“What,” I started. “You’re scaring me.”
“I think you should do it.”
“Yeah?!”
“Yeah. You’re right, it all happened there and I know Bram would love it too.”
My stomach warmed and twilled and back flipped out of excitement. Finally got someone on my side with Creekwood and now I can even tell Bram’s Dad where I’m going to do it if he asks!
“Ah! I means a lot you are on board with this.”
Leah was quiet again and I even swear she was tearing up.
“Leah? You okay? Now you’re really scaring me.” I joke.
“I’m just so happy for you and Bram…Can you propose as soon as possible so we can all be happy together?!”
“I’m trying to make January come as fast as I can.”
I could hear both my Dad and Ian say ‘that’s what she said’ in my head.
Leah hugged me and made us watch a horror movie so she could, in her words, get out of this lovey-dovey mood.
I woke up on Friday and the feeling of happiness was soon overshadowed by my nerves of Bram’s dad. Luckily I woke up to a text from Bram.
I received your care package my amazing boyfriend. Thank you so much, I love it all <<33
Hey cutie :)
.
..
…
Hey handsome :) How’s your Friday?
Good. Kinda nervous
.
..
…
Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have an audition coming up?
Ironically, he wasn’t entirely wrong, so I won’t be entirely lying.
Yeah, it’s a really good role and I want it so bad
.
..
…
Then you’ll get the part! Once you set your mind to something, you get it!
It’s how you got me. <3
You’re just saying that cause you love me.
.
..
…
True, but you’re also super talented.
And super cute.
You have me talking in fragments when I think about you too much
I’m always talking in fragments, you’ve been tripping me up since you were Blue.
You’re already making me feel good about the audition.
.
..
…
Glad I can help. I love you, break a leg!
<3 <3 <3
It helped me get through the rest of the day, but I was super distracted in my acting my theatre history class and couldn’t focus. I fantasized about proposing to Bram alone. Just him and me and the ring. Then I pictured kissing him and running my hands down his back onto the curve of his butt. Bram would pull me close to him and smile between a kiss, loving when my hands found their way back there. It was good I was sitting as it would be embarrassing to walk in my basketball shorts.
I calm myself down and run home to beat Leah so that I could…uh…take care of myself after class. It had been the longest two months away from Bram and his good heart and beautiful body wasn’t making it easier. Once I threw away the tissue, I began packing my suitcase. Bram would have already packed last week for this trip had he been going. I smile and pack the Elliot Smith shirt he got me. I’ll need him there in spirit more than ever.
Leah and Ian came home together as to follow the same path as last weekend. I turn down drinking because I have to be up early to get to Provincetown.
“Know what you’re going to say yet?” Ian asks, chugging a beer.
“No, I think I’ll try to bring it up casually in conversation. When we talk, it usually finds its way to Bram. It’s really the only thing we have in common.” I say laughing.
“Trust that gut, Si, you got this.” Ian answered, crushing the can and letting out a loud burp. I looked to Leah to catch her legendary eye roll. But she didn’t roll her eyes. She was laughing. Strange, but I suppose people evolve. But does Leah evolve like that? Last year she would have scoffed and left the room.
“You’ll be fine, Si. Go into it like you did with Tracy and you’ll be alright.”
With that, they left to meet some theatre kids at a bar so I could sleep.
I dreamt about Bram. I dreamt we were back on the ferris wheel and that we couldn’t stop kissing. It was a great gift from the universe to give me that subconscious boost of confidence. It was interrupted, however, by my alarm. I got up and grabbed the keys to Leah’s car. She left them on the kitchen counter next to luke warm waffles and a note.
‘Use the Belgian waffles as fuel to get your man! – Ian’
‘Si, the waffles were from me, but Ian helped stir the batter. There’s an ice coffee in the fridge for you. - <3 Leah’
I opened the fridge to a large cup and grabbed it with a smile. The four hour drive went a lot faster than I expected. Bram recently got into making his own playlists for me of music he found himself listening too. I loved everything he sent me, but maybe it’s because I know he picked it and I love him.
The one thing he did pick up from me was listening more to older music than current pop or hip-hop. 90s R&B was his jam at the moment and he also mixed in 80’s stadium rock. It was quite the eclectic mix that helped keep me awake along with the ice coffee. Bram also snuck in some love songs and I swooned quietly on the road towards the Atlantic Ocean.
I arrived early enough to meet Elijah at a breakfast place. I walked in to ask for a table.
“Simon!”
Or so I thought. Bram’s father was in a booth and waving me over. I wave awkwardly because I can’t help myself and I go to the booth to sit.
“Coffee?” He asked.
“Yeah, love some.” That was a lie, I had to pee but I underestimated that Bram’s father would be so much like Bram. Elijah poured me a cup from the pot left on the table the singular cook who also was the waiter.
“So how is Ruth doing? I can’t believe she’s in kindergarten now.”
“You and me both, Simon. She’s good, though she doesn’t like to be called Ruth ever since she started. She wants to go by Ruby now.”
“Kids make fun of her already? She’s in kindergarten.”
Elijah picked up his cup and placed it too his lips while his eyebrows answered. “Yeah, I guess that’s the way the world is headed.” He licked the coffee droplets off his mustache with this tongue.
“So, I as able to rent a ship, just us two. Bluefish Tuna. He’ll be ready for us in about forty-five minutes.”
“Simon,” Elijah started. “You said you would tell me why I couldn’t tell my son you were meeting me. Are you ready to tell me?”
Is this how Dads treat all guys who try to date their children? Dad wasn’t like this to Bram, was he?
“Y-Yes,” I tripped over my words. “I wanted to talk to you while we were fishing, but I can talk now.”
The cook came back with a plate of eggs and with extremely buttery toast.
“Same thing for him,” Elijah ordered to and the cook complied, walking back to the grill. “If you want to wait, Simon, we can wait.”
Okay, am I looking into things or is this starting to feel like an interrogation? He starts digging in as I grasp my coffee mug and take a sip. It’s not that hot and it’s not that good, but it’s something to do while I’m pretending not worry about what he’s thinking.
“No, no I can tell you. I wanted let you know how happy your Bram has made me.”
“Abraham,” He said, a little defensive. “Call him Abraham.”
“Yes, of course, Abraham.”
“Well I’m glad to hear that. Is that it?” He said, staring at this plate and not into my eyes.
“No,” I say as my stomach is falling into a pit. “If that was it, I could have told you that on the phone.”
It was a risk to speak like that to him, but perhaps it will garner his respect. His eyes showed that it did as he looked at me up and down and shook his head. “I suppose you’re right.” He pushes the plate away and crosses his hands on the table. “So what is it that needed to be said to me in person?”
I touch the Elliot Smith shirt and I think of the way Bram gets lost in my eyes and then coyly smiles as he looks away. It’s weird that I can also see the parts of Bram in his father. I swallow as the cook bangs on the grill top.
“I love your son, very much. So much, in fact, that I’m going to ask him to marry me, and I know it would mean a lot to Bram if I was able to tell him I got your blessing to do so.”
Elijah’s face froze as soon as I said marry and didn’t move. It felt like time stood still and though it was only a few seconds, I was over analyzing every single micro expression on his face. I didn’t break eye contact with me and he didn’t break eye contact with me. The cook slid the plate in front of me, but we never took our eyes off each other.
Suddenly, Elijah’s face exploded into a big, Bram-like smile and he slammed the table with his palm. A boisterous laughter followed as confusion poured over my face, which actually caused him to laugh even more.
“I’m sor – I’m sorry, Simon. Oh my god!” He continued to laugh in the empty diner until he picked up his napkin and dabbed his eyes. I still sat in confusion as he calmed down. “I couldn’t resist. You believed it so much, did you really think I was that kind of father?” More laughs poured out of him as he pulled his plate back to him to continue eating.
“Simon, I apologize, but Tracy can’t help herself and she spilled the beans. So I knew about your intentions, and all I can say is that of course you have my blessing to marry my son.”
The biggest sigh of relief washed over me as the tough-Dad act fell.
“Thank you, Elijah, that’s, thank you for that.”
“Hey, you will only be able to call me Elijah for a little bit longer, soon you’ll get to call me Dad.”
The Bram-like smile returned to his face as he put eggs on his toast and took a bite.
“I will say though,” Elijah continued. “I was very happy with how you phrased the question.”
“Oh?” I say, now feeling comfortable to eat.
“You said ‘I’m going to ask’ instead of ‘I want to ask’ or ‘I intend to ask,’ implying the choice was made and that I could either like it or dislike it, but that you were going to do it. Since Bram came out, I had to re-structure what I wanted for him in his life. I had an idea when I thought he liked girls, but when he told me he liked men, I needed to go back to the drawing board. But it’s hard, thinking about the kind of man I wanted Bram to end up with and when he brought you to meet me the first time, I always liked you because I could always look over and see Bram confidently stand by your side. And his confidence was because of you. That is exactly the kind of man I want him to be with: confident.”
I fought the urge to let a tear come out of my eye. “To be honest with you, Elijah, it’s funny that you see confidence in me because it’s something I’ve been working on since high school.”
“You could have fooled me,” Elijah answered. “Simon, it takes a lot of courage to meet the father of your love because when you date someone’s child, you’re dating a part of the parent. You did it. You kept calling, you kept on it, and not in an annoying way, but in a responsible way. You made it happen because you have confidence. Simon, Bram has told me your fishing stories.” He said laughing. “You hate fishing. But you tried to meet me on my level to ask me a hard question. Working on confidence? Simon, you have confidence.”
“Thank you, sir. That really means a lot coming from you.”
“I don’t say things I don’t mean, Simon. Regardless of the genders of people in love, what you can’t fake is the longing looks you two share. To be honest, this moment wasn’t as much of a surprise to me, it was more of when it would happen.”
And that quickly, I have two Moms and two Dads. Elijah gave me an opportunity to bow out of fishing, but I respectfully declined. I had to show him I meant business. I paid the check, again trying to show him what kin of man I am, but he already covered the breakfast before I walked in the door.
“You know, I can see where Bram gets his strategic planning from.”
“And that’s why he needs you, the impulsive confidence.”
We left the diner and the sun had just began to paint the sky a thin red and gold on the horizon. Elijah taught me a lot about what it was to deep-sea fish and I honestly had a genuinely great time.
Until I became sea sick.
Elijah laughed at me while I puked the eggs back up over the side of the ship.
“Not a sailor, huh Simon?”
I spit the lingering taste out of my mouth.
“Not yet, but I’ll get there.”
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