#but the hoops i have to jump thru to even get to a point where cost is low enough that my parents can help me with that stuff

[the-fog-system]

.

[fisheito]

fisheito sama one of the things i love about your art is the way you simplify forms and designs — something i struggle a lot to do so i try to learn with your art to focus more in the full picture than the tiny details that make me go nowhere because i get so lost ar the middle- anyways- if you were a youkai master i would love to be your pupil. your yakumo art makes me see sparkles. youre so cool. i will work hard to be as cool as you are. i would be more than happy to call you my master. my master in the art of making nu carnival art. thank you master 🙇‍♂️

who the heck in my inbox callin me -sama?!?!!?? maybe i am -senpai on my strongest most radiant day. MAYBE.

but yes i feel your sentiment and am very pleased to see you having fun with *gestures vaguely* whatever it is i'm doing here

reading this reminds me of my own struggle with drawing details... long thoughts ahead😦💭💭

every time i draw that angy dissatisfied voice From Within is shaaaaaaaming me going, "this is nuca. you know the art, RIGHT? you've seen the intricacies of the designs. part of its beauty is in its details. if you don't honour that, then how can you REALLY stay true to its spirit????"

and yes the art is HELLA cool and i really like it and it's got insane details that make things even more fun for the analysts in the crowd

even more impressive is the FANART because whOO seeing all these artists matching the skill of the source material?! hobbyists or whatevs drawin these fantastical gayboys in elaborate outfits and poses and everything you could dream of and more?? the anatomy! the colours! the careful attention to EVERYTHING! the hair strands and?? ALL FOR FREE? they are letting me see this for FREE ?????

so i can't help but feel a little inadequacy when i try to pull off the same thing

occasionally i'll try to draw.. idk. something similar to those magneefeecent elaborate fanarts,, or just as detailed as the original game art. ya know, the anime aesthetic really baked in there, but mixed with technical prowess!

i'll draw a pose. i'll try to draw several sections of hair according to actual gravity rules. i'll really focus on what they're wearing, and try to add the details of the shirt and-- oops, i forgot the 12-pointed necklace thing-- just put that in.. oh, shieb,it's connecte d to some sort of cascading sash -=um-- how is that fabric supposed to fold again? better look it up;; WAIT it's not actually fabric? it's ... A BUNCH OF TINY BEADS? what material are they. are they translucent? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REP{LIICATE THAT. p..pointillism? but then i...

[SEVERAL HOURS LATER. FAR MORE HOURS THAN I WOULD USUALLY SPEND] > me, not even finished the torso, slumped on the floor in defeat because every gem on the necklace looks too flat and i've forgotten the original intent of the drawing

sometimes, days later, i'll compare these attempts with my other drawings done in less time (the ones where i don't think too hard and don't bother with the details). and i'll find that i enjoy the simpler result anyway. ya think with all the EFFORT i put into the detailed one... wouldn't i jump thru mental hoops to justify my invested time? shouldn't i think, "oh yeah, i REALLY worked on this. it's not the best but i'm still happy with it. the time was worth it."

.NO???! I end up thinking, "that time was NOT worth it. i feel more fulfillment and joy from the simpler drawing. if i can accomplish that with less effort, why would i bother with the extra stuff?"

i'm no workaholic. lower-effort doesn't necessarily mean bad,..... right? just.. incorporating all those jingly bits and WOWEE TEXTURE WITH THE BEAUTIFUL AMBIENT LIGHTING AND COLOURSs takes a LOT outta me. then, am i willing to put in the extra effort to really improve those areas and make em as nice as those top tier taiwanese artists on THAT section of birdsite?!?! ...... not realy.... it's not... worth it. for me at least.. i'd rather focus on facial expressions . and silly interactions.

(yes of course there are ppl who can do the silly AND the technical moodlighting extreme magnifico detailtastic everything else. MAD RESPECT!!! TO THEM!! FOR WORKING UP TO THAT!!!! but my goal is not so ambitious. i am but here for a laugh...)

so maybe i'm not the best knight for the job, if the job is Dick Fight Island-tier anatomy and environments (seriously if you haven't read that manga , you should. it is wild and truly respectable)!

but for MOI? wittle floppy ME? if i don't draw what i like, i won't have the energy to complete anything. You want me to put that extreme improvement-journey-effort into every drawing?

.Do y'all want aborted torso sketches with 62% of a necklace??? cuz that's how u get aborted torso sketches with 61% of a necklace.

anyway, if i helped you realise that maaaaaaybe you don't wanna focus on certain things in yo art ? and you'd rather put ur energy into an aspect u care about more? sounds good! i hope it leads u to increased-enjoy Creating 😎

[ca-suffit]

Sorry this is long. I'm working through the thought as I write this.

There's a post with kinda a lot of notes going around that idk how jokey it is and it's like here's what you need to have read/seen before watching IWTV so you understand the abusive patriach.

And well, I feel like it's part of the pattern of ppl pushing the show's critique of the abuse family structures enable in a way where they won't have to talk about race. How does Revolutionary Girl Utena relate to IWTV? How does Succession? I've never seen Succession, but their cast is almost completely white, which is racial commentary all its own... In Utena neither race nor colorism ever figures into the narrative iirc. I haven't read the Cairo trilogy since uni but I don't remember race factoring into it either??

Like Lestat was the abusive patriach of their family bcuz he's white! His power is gendered bcuz race is gendered (becuz power is gendered and so on). I think the show is in greater dialogue with James Baldwin and bell hooks than Yoji Enokido and Jesse Armstrong! Baldwin outright, didn't Rolin Jones say in an interview once that Giovanni's Room was a direct inspiration?

It just bothers me. The omission of art by Black creators was so striking I felt like someone slapped me. And maybe if then the tone wasn't so condescending and the idea that you have to have read The Oresteia to understand patriarchal violence so classist, maybe I could shrug it off. But you couple both and I'm like damn we squeezed the Greek and the Japanese in but don't mention even one Black person. I'm not saying the OP did it on purpose cuz I don't know the OP, but it felt so so glaring to me the times I've seen the post. Especially ppl sharing it going yeah exactly!! 😐

Lestat As Patriach to me is just more about white supremacy than the cisheteropatriarchy, and how despite Lestat's promises to Louis (be all the beautiful things you are etc) vampirism could not and does not free Louis (+ Claudia) from anti-Blackness. Altho patriarchy and white supremacy are closely related and both relevant to the show, obvs, it just rubs me wrong when one is ignored in favour of the other. And of course it's always the critique of whiteness that ends up ignored 🤔

Why is everyone so scared of mentioning that Louis is Black? Ugh. Sorry. I'd like your thoughts this fandom makes me feel like I'm off my meds. - 🦁

sry it took me a min to get to this, I wanted to track down the post itself for context. I can't find OP's username now but I remember seeing it before and it not being familiar. so idk otherwise what they've said about this post for the tone and intention.

I can say tho that utena and succession have made rounds here in comparison to iwtv from black fans sometimes. but I've also seen this post otherwise criticized before this ask for not having any black references on it. I tried to find that rolin quote about giovanni's room too, cuz I remember it, but idk where it is or what the whole context was anymore.

from being around the tumblr fandom, what I can say about this kind of stuff is that....from the book ppl to show fandom, both sides usually want to "prove" they're rly smart? it's for diff reasons but sometimes the same references. fandom in general keeps moving towards if u can make ur argument about whatever thing sound deep then that means it is and more ppl will support it. there's a lot of constant misuse of social justice and psychological terms as well as connections to art and literature. look how often ppl never talk about anything critically bcuz "it's gothic romance, sweetie" or "stop looking for morality in stories about vampires" (that was anne rice's whole point tho?? but ok lol). it's a lot of words to say nothing.

ppl will basically always jump thru more hoops than is necessary to look smart in ways that ppl have a broad connection to. a lot of black creators aren't well known to ppl in the first place and mostly only prbly by black ppl too, so referencing anything doesn't get u the points that greek "classics" or pop references get. it also depends on the age range of where anything is posted. this fandom tends to be 20s to 40s but with more emphasis on 20s now, prbly, so lots of focus on proving ur worth and intelligence in the world. this post feeds that type of thing. it's kind of a pat on the head that ur engaging with "smart" stuff.

idk if the post *was* meant as a joke or not bcuz this is the kind of stuff the fandom *will* weaponize in defense of white fandom shit in rly racist ways, so. like u said, it's always kind of about all these other things except the most obvious.....which doesn't take much book smarts to see, u just look at the world around u on any given day. but I've noticed ppl tend to avoid topics that hit too close to home, so this is a way to give distance to things too, I think. If it's all fictional then it can't hurt u fr and also u don't have to care about being vocal about anything or doing any work otherwise.

[moonlightcookie]

a love letter to seamoon

disclaimer this will get Very long. majority will be under the cut. this will be very personal

i didn't grow up seeing lgbt media, only glimpses of gay fanart and fanfiction, created by fans. openly gay or trans characters in media didn't really exist when i was a child, and when they were, it was all homophobic and transphobic stereotypes, meant to get a laugh out of the cishet audience.

i grew up in a society where being gay (or trans), was a bad, shameful thing to be. the very first time i came out to anyone, it was my best friend in 7th grade. i texted her, crying bc i was so ashamed of myself, and afraid of her reaction. i texted her, bc i couldn't bear to say it aloud. she was the only one i had told, for years.

It's terrifying to even think of outing yourself when your peers were like hungry wolves, taking any opportunity to find anything wrong with you. i was already fat, ugly, a teacher's pet, etc. I generally kept to myself, and other kids didn't like that. especially since i was poor, and would often show up to school in old, torn clothes every day. nooo way i felt safe enough to come out to anyone else, until a few years later in high school (which was still super scary btw!!)

imagine how i felt as a teenager, seeing Steven Universe on air, especially after the Ruby + Sapphire reveal. a kid's cartoon with largely female/nonbinary characters AND canon lesbians? with onscreen lesbian kisses? on the MOUTH?? nowadays it might seem silly to praise SU for its lgbt representation, when now there's a lot more (by comparison) of openly lgbt media. but i feel like people, esp young people who grew up alongside SU and other openly lgbt media, don't realize just how revolutionary (and recent!!) SU was for its time. SU had actually been cancelled shortly after the Rupphire wedding, for obvious reason. before then, people would jump thru hoops to say that Ruby and Sapphire were sisters, or just "very good friends" . other countries would censor their relationship or not air it at all. sadly, i still see the same happen to other sapphic characters/relationships, including seamoon.

All of this is to say, i just want to let out how important Sea Fairy and Moonlight, and their relationship, are to me.

I first learned about Cookie Run 6-7 years ago when kinning CR characters was a big thing on tumblr lol. one of my mutuals would post about it, and the characters i saw looked cute, so i went to the wiki to look at some more. immediately i was drawn to Moonlight Cookie, and getting her on the official CR personality quiz didnt help either lol

then when i saw Sea Fairy's page, and her mentioning her deep love of the moon, i immediately knew she was really talking about Moonlight, and that seamoon was intended to be canon. this was all before the relationship charts, mind you. all we had were Sea Fairy's inital LINE/Kakao release event, and both Sea Fairy's and Moonlight’s loading lines to go off of

even back then, people were upset at the possibility of them being in love, headcanoning them as sisters or just "best friends", others would say Sea Fairy was talking about the literal moon, or even the moon that Moonlight rides on...

frankly, it was obvious to I and many other sapphics that seamoon was canon. the moon affecting the sea's tide IRL, Sea Fairy being the legendary released after Moonlight, with her entire story up to that point was of a sea fairy who was cursed to be frozen upon trying to reach the moon she so loved. Both their lines referencing longing + loneliness, the City of Wizards and the Tower of Frozen Waves's proximity... it all added up.

finally, on November 14th 2019, Devsisters released the "I Want You Every Day" MV. where we finally get real confirmation of Sea Fairy and Moonlight's relationship, and especially Moonlight's reciprocation of Sea Fairy's feelings, with this legendary moment:

(gifs from @/kumiihocookie) to finally have confirmation- there is no sentence in the English language that could accurately describe my feelings. Elation, jubilation, vindication, ecstatic, the list goes on. literally where else am i supposed to find a character who's just like me, including being canonically sapphic?! to have a character i see so much of myself in, be confirmed to be in love and in a relationship with another woman, one who loves her so much as to literally go to the ends of the Earth(bread) for, i cannot find the words although LDRs arent for me, they are the reality for many lesbians, including my own at one point. seeing these two women continue to love each other unconditionally despite their distance, despite the very real reasons they cannot physically be together, brings me hope as a lesbian.

i hope that i too, can find a love that will always look to the sky, thinking of me. a love that will love me unconditionally, the way Sea Fairy loves Moonlight. a love that can bring me peace and comfort, the way that Moonlight does for Sea Fairy.

[kordeliiius]

More OC stuff, this time focusing on Nova and their band during the "prologue." Descriptions and thoughts and stuff under the cut!

Color variations for the outfit Nova wears during their first lead performance! They bring a particularly unique energy to a diverse group that started out primarily doing jazz; Kagura is something they learned growing up (or sumn like it) and incorporated some motifs into the performance. The ribbon colors in the first two are like the real thing, while the third is more Nowhere-specific. Will see if this idea remains viable in the future

First concepts of the band's founders/lead singers at the time of the prologue; their names are Sola and Lupin. Starting out, I at least wanted to make the leaders black, seeing as they're where jazz came from, and as such Sola is coded African-American. I considered making all of them black with each member having different roots from around the world, but would it be fair to cram them all into one group? Regardless, Lupin is coded Aeta and Nova might be mixed. I'll mess with their designs a bit more before deciding for certain. Also I recently had the idea of making Sola someone else with ancient lineage, making her taller than the rest.

The kid with the long hair is Mars, she's a skilled pianist who also helps out backstage a lot. She's an amiable and talkative kid who befriends Nova pretty quickly after they're first roped in. She's also Sola's daughter, which I guess would make Lupin her stepfather?? i'll think about it

The way I'd describe Nova gender-wise is transfem nb teetering a fine line between tomboy and femboy, while Mars is genderfluid but generally fem-leaning. Nova had probably already been questioning herself at this point, while Mars hadn't started until meeting different kinds of people, and they find opportunities to talk about it when they're alone together. I'm aiming to strike a huge visual contrast between the before and after

One other thing about the band that's not really alluded to in these images is that they're not actually from Metronome. They're kind of meant to represent what life is like outside the controlling city environment, and provide a feeling of hope to the people they meet. (At the same time they've evaded the Nowhere's jaws of despair time and time again, and it's never been easy.) As such, they probably have to have special permission to enter the city, but once they play their first gig at a somewhat dive-y place, word spreads FAST. They make the rounds again during the main story, but had to jump thru more hoops than last time,, they might even get caught in the crossfires of destruction towards the end

[studiousbotanist]

its funny but ever since last week when i got fussed at w/ job performance that 1. was fake and corporate nitpicking and 2. literally nothing i could improve on without making the quality of my work worse, but look better on the computers . it really killed my motivation to do well . i still do pretty good but i dont jump thru as many hoops . like dude what is the point of me doing better ? focus on the people who aren't picking up their slack . i dont even get 35 hours a week and i have to work 5 days a week . when we're continously on more stable ground i'm going to finally look into hospital work or idk .

SOMETHING where i'm forced to exist in my body instead of just a wisp floating thru trying to pretend im not here . it wouldve been so easy for them to have just told me "yeah no its just nitpicking that we have to say and you're fine" instead i got a half assed 3rd degree and i am STILLLLLLL angry about it . thank you anxiety medicine for helping me stand up for myself . this is still the best job ive ever had but it did make me realize that bar was low ! but now i gotta self soothe and reassure and remember that the job is still really good .

[arttrampbelle]

Cw:vent

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Could i plz have some shang tsung kontent that doesn't involve him shipped with random characters (i mean really random. 99.99% of the roster genuinely hates him so him fucking them makes no sense. They would kill him in a heartbeat and would rather die. So wtaf). Because y'all so deprived in life?

(Also nobody in mortal kombats lore likes shang tsung. He is the biggest bastard. As we love him for it. So no. Him being with any canon characters makes no fucking sense at all. Period)

Could i have some x readers that doesn't involve other characters in how you meet? Like it feels like an oc at that point. The only characters that could introduce you. Would be if they are working for shang tsung. And no its not the storm bros. No its not any of the "good" guys. It would be a shadow priest,a shokan,a black dragon merc,shit like that.

(If you are doing an oc. Plz tag and label that properly. I dont mind shang if he's with an oc. Or hell id rather take a non mk character. Weird. But ok. But anyone and everyone in the mk roster hates him so no)

Could i have some actually decent fucking kontent?

Other characters get more respect and decent kontent.

Why do you do that to shang tsung if you guys "supposedly" like him? Or like mortal kombat.

Do y'all play the games? Do y'all care about the lore?

Or are you casual? Its fine if you are. Just state so. I dont wanna assume you are a huge fan and then go off. And then you say you dont know something. Then it feels embarrassing that i just info dumped on you and i feel like a weirdo.

Like i dont wanna waste my time with people that dont genuinely wanna get into something that i love. And i wanna actually engage with people without having to jump around hoops. And jump thru hurdles trying to explain shit.

And waste my time with people who don't respect him. And mr. Cary hiroyuki tagawa as well. (Because i swear you guys really don't.)

But also respect shangs character as a whole,outside of mr tagawas performances over the years. Because he exists outside of him. Tho he is most known and all fans agree HE IS SHANG TSUNG. But still other actors and interpretations exist. Like his character is grossly misinterpreted.

Like he's either too soft when he doesn't need to be. Too rough where it shouldn't be.

No balance.

Like imho the yandere fic writers know how to write him.

The villain/antagonist fuckers know how to write him.

Hell some monster fuckers know how to write him.

If the roster didn't hate this sneky mofo so much sure. I wouldn't be mad at the dumb shipping. Because its just that.

But its the fact they do. And that it makes no sense. Even in best case scenarios.

Shang hates them,they hate shang. It wouldn't work. Like people don't get it thru their skulls. That SHANG TSUNG IS A BASTARD VILLAIN THAT IS ONE BADASS DANGEROUS MOFO! (Again we love him for his atrocities. We dont demonize him,we even cheer when he gets karma. We also love him BECAUSE HE IS AN EVIL SORCERER BINCH) ok?! Like god damn.

You can make shang tsung sweet without uwufying him. You can make him an asshole without taking away his integrity.

This wont stop people unfortunately. And people think with their dicks,literal and metaphorical. And genuinely dont care about a character as long as they get their jimmys wet.

But whatever.

I guess im asking too much from people to give genuine respect to a character. Let alone a series that is happy part of my childhood and a series that i love deeply for 18 fucking yrs.

Sorry for this rant but im so sick of genuinely bastard villains in the hands of people who don't like them. Or genuinely understand them.

Im sick of people who say they love shang tsung as a character but only care if he's with their "safe" blorbo.

They wanna defang the fucking snake and it pisses me off.

Im done venting. You don't have to like me. But plz try to listen where im coming from as a fan. As someone who has seen the death and decay of fandoms in real time.

Try to listen to where im coming from plz. It sucks when you love a character and others dont really care about it like you do.

It sucks when you feel so damn alone when talking about problems with fans.

And it sucks loving a character and series that people genuinely don't really care about and is so superficial and surface level.

It bothers me. I know it shouldn't but it does.

[milk-lover]

Long ramble about. Idk accommodation and ablism at my college.

So my school is not like. Great about accommodations. We have an access center and we can sign up for accommodations but 1) it’s super jump thru hoop-y, where the barriers in place over getting accommodations are often particularly difficult to overcome due to the thing you need accommodations for. Why do I have so many inconsequential deadlines to get accommodations for my “really bad at deadlines” disorder??? Why are the instructions so unclear when you are supposed to be accommodating students with “rely on clear instructions” disorder??? ????? And then 2) the university, and to an extent, my major Psychology specifically, has a bit of an anti-accommodation culture. It’s very much ‘your education is your responsibility’ not ‘we have a duty to make the barriers to educational success as low as possible for all our students.’ And in psych specifically there’s this added layer of, if your accommodation is for a mental illness or disorder of some sort (and mine are for ADHD and depression) there’s a bit of a feeling among the professors that they know about mental disorders, so they bring these preconceived notions about what it’s like to live with those disorders into their teaching and their observation of these accommodations, and it’s. Not always in a good way.

So anyways this morning I had a zoom for an academic club I’m in. The prof who runs the club is on a committee that is collecting data from students to begin a project to restructure the psych department. Yippee! The psych department isn’t the worse but there Sure Is Room To Grow. This is good!

Prof asks us at the end of the meeting if we had any general suggestions for questions to ask. They had a focus group a few weeks ago (i applied but was not selected), and now they were preparing a general survey that would go to every psych student. I immediately raise my zoom hand and go “As an Access Center Student, I would love it if the psych department was a bit more proactive in accommodations in general! I feel like there’s a bit of an anti-accommodation culture here, which I think could be addressed.” Now, my assumption was that this comment would be redundant. Surely they had Access Center Students on their radar, and there was a whole section on the survey about students with disabilities and general accommodations. Oh, reader, the level of my naïveté!

Prof’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh that’s a great point! We don’t have anything about Access Center Students. We should definitely add some of those! Good point, Milk.” HUH?

I bring up access a few more times in the discussion, but I don’t want to monopolize it by any means. People start to sign off the zoom. I stick around a sec. “Prof, I just wanted to ask, in the focus group, was there any Access Center Student representation?” She looks genuinely apologetic. “Honestly, we didn’t screen for it. That was a major shortsightedness on our part.” Fun. Fun, fun, fun.

I like this professor. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, she’s not like, actively malicious or power tripping. I think it just genuinely did not occur to her, or anyone on the committee, to consider that there are issues with accommodation in the psych department. Because, again, psych people assume they know about (specifically mental) disabilities, because they study them. But this makes them dangerously complacent to ignoring or discounting their own ableism. It’s so frustrating for me to deal with, and now I’m really realizing, it’s not even on their radar AT ALL!

Hopefully my comments will get some Access Center questions into the survey. I’m terrified by the idea that, if I hadn’t have happened to be in this club, and we hadn’t happened to have a bit of extra time, and I hadn’t spoken up, there would have been nothing addressing students who need accommodations in the department restructuring. Nothing.

I may scream. Just a little bit. Very quietly into my pillow.

[kidflashimpulse]

ridiculous that we have to jump through hoops like this (low animation budget my beloathed. also his official s3 design drawn by Phil Bourassa REALLY annoys me. why is he such a TWIG, Phil???) but you know how Bart was drawn/animated in s2? not ripped but clearly muscular? broader shoulders, definition in his arms and legs? i like to just translate that into an older Bart in my head (with thick thighs, duh). he's canonically strong enough to EASILY carry another teen by s3, let him LOOK LIKE IT

“with thick thighs duh” ah yes, the holiest of words, amen to that.

Hes definitely speedster built in S2 and I don't think he was incredibly twig skinny then either, though I do think that due to limited resources in his timeline he was on the skinnier side of things and that his suit then and even now in S3/S4 has padding that makes him look stronger (which I think is just standard hero suiting). Now that he's in a comfortable environment he can afford to train and get stronger to the point he can run to carry ppl, a speedster essential lol. 

BUT YES its kinda terrible how we need to jump through those hoops, I really don't enjoy it. This topic actually kinda ties in to my post on the YJ renewal and to its animation in general. Because usually YJ animation woes are popularly tied to budget constraints, when I don't think this is as much the case (Greg has mentioned they've been given decent budget, though ofc with the woes of animation industry, no matter what they're given honestly they could always do with way more), buts its more of a time and staffing issue. Both Seasons 3 and 4 were created on an individual basis and seemingly rushed (not so much the right word, but they sure sped thru it to keep up with either ig u could call it the expectations or demands, don't know if they were given a set time frame for how long they could work). This means for each season post invasion, the creators had to from scratch re-assemble and re-organise a complete team of staff as well as studio to collaborate with. I feel like ppl don't rlly understand how incredibly difficult this is managerially, especially for season 3 where they went for years their separate ways. Between each season, including airing-time, they were out of work (well specifically for YJ) and the teams behind the show weren't maintained, needing to build all this up as well as actually get the work into motion is incredibly time consuming and not easy and I think this reflects on the animation side of things which is essentially rushed more than anything, rather than low-budget.  

An easy fix to this would've been that when they got renewed in the first place, they should've been renewed for three seasons in one go. This would've given them the time and space to set up something with the vision of doing things for the long run without the need of rushing things. Ultimately, its about animated shows like YJ being given the right type of support so that they can achieve their full potential. But oh well, for now we need to work with what we got.

[3000s]

i hope u dont mind if i ask, im nb butch lesbian (v h8 being seen as a girl, i have a binder & a buzzcut etc) my city is mostly cishet people that don’t get gender nonconformity at all, they believe in 2 genders, etc. well i use they/them but they all treat me like a girl, she/her w feminine expectations. i say im they/them nb but they ignore it :/ im like. do u have any tips dealing w people who dont accept u. my dysphoria is so bad. u dont have 2 answer if it makes u uncomfy tho

oh yeah thats rough, i’ve been thru similar back when i had openly IDed as nonbinary… nobody used my pronouns, i was still a girl to them, nobody rlly made an effort even acknowledging that i’m not a girl until i started HRT ??

which i mean… then they totally skipped over everything else to settle on “ok he’s a trans man now” (which i’m fine with at this point, but……. obv that shouldn’t be the immediate reaction to someone going on hormones, especially considering how they never took me seriously UNTIL then)

i think, honestly, it’s gonna be hard, but continue to correct people when they misgender you if you’re safe doing so. i know personally that you can’t always convince someone to respect who you are, but being consistent enough in correcting them can eventually get you to a point where they may at least abide by that, which can def help lessen some dysphoria

also the HARDEST thing to learn (& i’m still struggling with it tbh) is that ultimately u will need to make peace w urself & find comfort in ur identity even in spite of the ppl who may treat u like shit because of it! thats like the ideal situation

and don’t let ppl try to make deals with u where their respect is in exchange for ur comfort… i had friends who wanted me to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, act a certain way, THEN they would “respect” me & my identity… its degrading and a complete lie on their part, they don’t care, they just wanna see u jump thru hoops for them

check to see if there are any LGBT centers w meetup groups in ur area as well, its great to be able to make those connections within ur community… u should be able to surround urself w people who care and respect u because it rlly does become draining when u don’t have that support

anyway that’s what i’ve got for now, if anyone else has more advice please feel free to reply to this

[ofclaude]

vent post   under a readmore instead of in the tags bc i !! need to vent !!! & the point of not typing in the post is to be less in your face but this is gonna be a Lot probably lmao

i just. wish i had people around me who i actually care about & who care about me instead of them all being countries away. i live here in this place that helps me recover from trauma & integrate blahblahblah &...like.

they are literally paid to pet my head & call me sweet & go aww really :(( that sucks! & tell me the world’d be worse off without me. & it just fucking. it always gets to me. how is it supposed to not??? i want to be cared about the reason i’m suicidal is because no-one i’ve lived around ever gave a shit about me except 2 primary school teachers & one friend in high-school. people have been paid to pretend to care about me since i was born because me dying was more scandalous than paying a stranger to therapy the neglect away !!

i’m so tired. i’m so, so tired & i can’t anymore. oh, i will. i always fucking do !!! i always fucking do!! and i hate that!! because it’s never. i. ugh. i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tierd i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tried i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired

i went to talk to my father & he !! doesn’t even remember !!! telling me to go live on the street & die in a village where i was the freak when i was 6 years fucking old because he was just qangry & well he got it off his chest didn’t he !! I FUCKING CAN’T IT’S CALLED C-PTSD FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE he was a grown-ass man lashing out in a violent rage at his own goddamn child & NO-ONE. NO-ONE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING WHEN THEY DO THAT. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU DO THAT, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT!! YOU’RE STILL THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE ME SUICIDAL & MADE IT SO I KNOW I’M WORTHLESS, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVERY CHANGE THIS

& that was just one, tiny lil interaction out of 24 years of that shit. 24 years !! how am i supposed to just. work thru all of that shit without getting tired of it; yaddahyaddah make ya life better IF UCKING KNOW. HOW ABOUT NOT MAKING ME WORK FOR SMTH I NEVER CHOSE & DON’T WANT ANYMORE, HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ABOU TTHE SCUMBAGS WHO GET TO JUST ‘GET BETTER’ AFTER the only reason they’re not responsible for my death is bc i got real fucking lucky. i’ve got massive endurance & i got lucky as hell. & it wouldn’t have mattered bc THEN I WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD, HUH?!?!? NO-ONE CARES! no-one does anything, & i’m sick of it. they get to kill me, but fuck forbid i do something abou tthem.

& blah that’s all feelings & trauma blah it’s not true i fucking know it’s not true. nothing’s true or fals #nihilism. doesn’t matter that’s not the point. i can do endless therapy, i can have people pet my head all day, i can talk myself out of this & that attempt because i know it won’t change anything. but i can’t change that this lives in me. it’s been years since i cut ties. he’s changed. i’ve changed, else i wouldn’t have cut ties in the first place but ok.

i still don’t want him. i still don’t like him. part of me still cries & hates me for taking my own daddy away from me!! even tho he’s the aggressive bastard who makes me want to fucking take my own life hellloooooo !?!?!? i have to put up with this shit. because i choose to live, but i didn’t get to choose what motherfuckers i was born with - not that my mother didn’t try to teach me otherwise tho !!! it’s all ur own choice uwu u made this call u wanted me for a parent !!!! except i loved myself unlike you bitches so no i did not but go off !! in ur fantasyland

it’s been 3 fucking years & i’ve done so much & i actually got myself a will to live last years. & it’s like. yay it’s better now :))))) no. it’s not. there are better things also. this is not better. it won’t get better, because there is nothing to change. & since it’s ptsd, i can’t forget either. blahblah lessen the impact IF UCKING KNOW I DO THERAPY I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS! BUT IT DOESN’T CHANG ETHE FACT MY OWN PARENTS THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO TEACH ME TO HATE MYSELF & THAT THE WHOLE WORLD COULD ONLY EVER HATE ME BUT I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DIE!! OR MAKE A SCENE !! THAT’D LOOK BAD HUH?? me, the village freak. diagnosed with autism cuz they traumatised me so bad it looked the goddamn same but fuck forbid ANYONE. EVER. talk to my parents !! noooo no i was the one that needed fixing. except they did that wrong too my fucking god does it never end.

i’m tired. i’m tired of living with the pieces of somebody else’s mistakes. i’m tired of being afraid of pushing away the only people i have who i do care about & who care about me, just by asking them to care about the parts of me that’ll never get better. i’m sick of hiding how tired i am. i’m sick of having to be normal & happy & good enough by all those rules that don’t belong to me just to not be as terrified of being neglected again - except this time by people who don’t owe me shit.

i always deal with everything. & i’m tired of it. i’m so, so fucking tired. i know. i know it can get better. i know i can find ways. i know. i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i KNOW. that doesn’t make it okay.

i wish it did, but it never does.

& since :))) i’m afraid of running off my friends by asking directly i’ll just ;)) vent :))) here ;)))

what do you even say to the ppl who actually care about you anyway like lmao what a joke. the better i get the more room i have to conform to being normal - & idc about how other ppl like it, i mean. bad normal. social skills apparently only mean ways, not truth. i was never taught social skills so i communicated directly, which is super good & ppl these days need to be taught that?? so much????????? but no i was awkward & didn’t have social skills. fuck you, ppl raised from the get-go with social skills are the WORST at being social bc they never had to learn another person’s language or the desperation that comes with the language barriers no-one will explain to you. i’m so tired. i’m so tired of jumping thru hoops just to  what???? get ppl to care??? get smn to care about????????? & then what. jump thru hoops some more bc now u have smn who doesn’t get u unless u filter out who you are & are left with nothing.

it’s so important to be me but the better i get the less i can do that & that’s what killed me so i gues we’re back at square one !!! let’s go back to therapy & pretend i need that when i already know how to work shit. let’s pay another person to pet my head & give me an hour of their time to vent, just because i don’t have to be afraid they’ll run. jesus christ. if i can’t be me i won’t do it. but idek if i can force myself to bemyself anymore & that’s fucking scary. learning social skills after a lifetime of being shunned just makes me more equipped to go with my terrible coping skills, which is to nix myself & just. be normal be normal be normal be normal bne nomral bne mrf oamlf be nomral. i’m tired.

& blah if u wanna post it on tumblr u gotta go on ur personal uwu ur rp blog is a vending machine no personal shit !! how dare u have a personal life that Exists lmao

[eggofritts]

I would love a version of Destiny 1 and 2 like this. TY OP for making this post. This reminded me of my own experience, positive and negative, about getting into Destiny 2.

I started playing back at the beginning of the season of plunder because I had heard the story/lore was great and everyone was talking about it on my TL during the free expansions week. I bought WQ after about 4 hrs of playing for free, unsure if it was worth buying the other expansions, but hopeful to start with the newest (and supposedly the best in a while) expansion.

I ended up falling in love with the gameplay a lot more than expected but was having a frustratingly hard time caring about the story. I was constantly confused about what was happening and why I should care about any of the characters. The mystery format was fun and the art direction was amazing, but I felt like the significance of Savathun and what she meant, on the whole, was lost on me. Even that small spat between Ikora and Zavala was cool in retrospect after researching more on their relationship, but I did not really care at the time because I was just confused. I did not know who Cayde-6 was and why everyone talked about him. I was still confused when I played a Vanguard strike that had Cayde talking.

I didn't feel particularly too motivated to do a lot of research even in the confusion because 1. the amount of written lore was daunting (the big 4-5hr long Byf videos are good but at the beginning, I was honestly still confused as I went thru it), 2. I wasn't sure where to start (WQ, BL, D1 lore first? or D2?, there are seasonal stories and are they important?). These two points led me to not care about the story for the first 40 hrs of my playtime. I'm surprised that I stuck out that long since story/character/lore is the thing I value the most in a game, but I suppose that is a testament to how good it feels to shoot a gun in D2 lol. (FYI I do not play FPS games or online FPS games typically)

And then something happened. I was catching up with the current seasonal story and listening to the audio messages outside of Spider's base. I was listening to Drifter and Eris Morn do their weird af flirting with Nezarec's dead body parts. I thought to myself "huh????? These characters are showing actual personality and chemistry amongst each other outside of being an npc vendor and waxing poetic about exposition and lots of jargon??? DAMN YOU STRAIGHT PEOPLE???" And then I went out to read my first piece of lore. And then I read more. And more. Finally, there was something that had no particular significance to the grander plot and was just there as flavor for the cast of characters. Something that informed me about their interpersonal relationships and their possible motivations. I literally thought Eris Morn was so fucking boring until I saw that she had actual some spunk and real emotions while bantering with Drifter. Before that, I thought the whole point of her character was to give me long-ass poetic exposition monologues, shallow hints about her backstory, and quest instructions. I am glad my initial impression was proven wrong, but I'm also still frustrated that I had to jump through many hoops to even see this side of her. (having to buy Shadowkeep, then having to read up on her lore, not even being able to experience this side of her more regularly, or at least to be more easily accessible to a casual first-time audience?)

I still haven't read the vast majority of the lore, but what I have read is just so riveting and engaging. The characters feel multi-faceted in a way I can really connect and engage with. I am someone who typically prefers character-driven narratives over plot-driven narratives. Playing D2 those first 40 hrs felt like aesthetic, shallow backdrops for me to go from quest objective to quest objective for the sake of the "plot" with the occasional drip feed of something more interesting. I saw the potential of what was something for me to latch on to but I felt like I was staring at 10 hoops on fire that I had to jump through; unsure how to approach such a problem. I'm glad I broke through the initial hurdles, but it really doesn't have to be this way.

To add to your ideas, I was thinking after playing Mass Effect trilogy and FFXIV (both games with sprawling big worlds and big casts of characters) Destiny should really add a more comprehensive lore tab. An actual compendium of the characters, location, factions, and any other jargon. Currently, it's more like a collection of books that you would see at a library except the onlooker has no idea what genres any of them are part of. The way Ishtar Collective filters and sections out the lore is what I would like to see in-game. Possibly even add more detail to the tiny ass timeline they have in-game. I did not even know that existed until like 20 or so hours in and even then, a couple-sentence summary of each season and expansion is not nearly comprehensive enough for this sci-fi epic story.

I suppose the static version of Destiny wouldn't be profitable enough for Bungie though. I certainly would throw money at it. I want to pay more to experience the wonderful world of Destiny, but Bungie certainly makes that difficult.

Ugh, I truly have developed such a love-hate relationship with Destiny, and it's not even for gameplay reasons. I just want to see characters interact in meaningful and/or interesting ways that feel true to me in a world that feels alive, transformative, and growing. I got that when I read the lore finally and made the connections to the in-game voice lines, strikes, cutscenes, etc. (I need less of it to feel like homework and more of it to be able to experience firsthand, but that's a topic for another day.) I can tell the storytellers at Bungie truly care about what's being told and I want to cherish that too. I want to recommend this and share the joy with my friends so bad, but it's difficult to sell it to them when they are faced with the same obstacles I had to face.

You know what I think would be amazing?

If Bungie released years 1-3 of Destiny 2 as a standalone game. Imagine being able to play a static version of Destiny, all the DLCs, seasons, etc, just to always experience it, without having to constantly update old content.

Like it could have LAN/locally-hosted multiplayer, instead of dedicated servers, so friends can play with each other in fireteams. Hell, maybe they could make it so that you always can have up-to 6 players in a fireteam. Like who cares? There’s no meta, there’s no achievements, etc., it’d be for a ‘dead game.’

There’s so much lore out there that we experienced first-hand and so much that we cannot, or could not even. I came in around Season of Arrivals, Shadowkeep was already done with, Saint had already been saved, Titan, IO, and etc., were on their way out. I never got to experience those things.

For others who just started, they have no in-game idea who Cayde is, why Osiris is important, who Uldren Sov was, and etc. These are major story beats that deserve to be experienced, re-experienced, and etc., Plus, people paid for it.

It would be nice to just have a way to experience everything without fearing its disappearance.

Like… I like Destiny 2. I’d like to share its fun with my wife. But I straight up cannot.

[lookwhatilost]

and like introspection is something that I’ve been doing a lot of lately but I’m also getting to a point where i ruminate too much, and it turns into jst negative self-talk, and me pulling my own pigtails, so I jst sort of wallow and nothing gets done

idk if it’s realistic for me to pursue therapy again when my schedule is as in flux as it is, and if i want to go back to leeann I’d have to get a referral from the hospital she works in conjunction w and unfortunately that is a lot of hoops that I’d need to jump thru for something I may not even get... but I did have the foresight to save a lot of the resources that she gave to me bc I had the inkling that I’d need them later and im grateful for that. like she was a good presence—she challenged me and quite frankly pissed me off a lot but she was a constructive presence vs the therapist i had before her who was kind of jst an unprofessional bully. but therapists are crutches, and like, the thing abt a crutch is that you eventually need to learn to walk on your own again...

I’ll see how it goes myself before making that leap back into it. bc ultimately leeann or anyone else can’t exactly put a gun to my head and force me to act correctly. even tho I feel like that’d be helpful hehe

[izhunny]

Yeah, tumblr is at it again.

*sighs*

@thewillowsilver

I saw your reply but tumblr won't let me click thru from mobile. Not sure which thing (probably the Tennant reblog that's flagged on my reblog but nowhere else. But feel free to pop on over and message me if it's not).

The only way to get the flag removed is to wait on the appeal process at this point.

At least most users now have the function to see what's flagged and get it reviewed. Each post that shows up in this area has a button to appeal the flag.

On mobile the area to find those posts looks like this:

On desktop there is the same function in the settings list for most users as this was/is a rolling update that's only been slowly released over the last couple weeks instead of the email process they promised before the changes were official.

*judgmentally side eyes tumblr*

I could also make an additional request thru the help desk by copy and pasting the posts specific's unique identifier (pulling up the permalink with post number and whatnot) and asking them to look into it. But I'm pretty tired of having to jump through hoops for false flags.

But as far as I know since I've already hit the appeal button, I just have to wait for it to get through the review persons list of things they're reviewing. They can't being paying those people enough. I bet turnover is crazy for that job.

I've had luck with about 20 to 30 items, which were reblogs where I'M NOT THE OP and I added nothing offensive to the posts, restored through the appeal process.

They even sent the email to ME confirming they fixed MY POST. smh.

In conclusion:

EVERY ONE PLEASE CHECK YOUR FLAGGED POSTS AREA AND APPEAL IT IF YOU HAVE THE OPTION IN YOUR SETTINGS.

Even if you're not OP, and especially if the post has no reason to be flagged. Then wait in purgatory like the rest of us.

[yourbleedingh3art]

I hate the point in being social where i start being abrasive and disorderly sharing my opinions. I sound so arrogant and condescending and i really hate how condescension shuts down open conversation , empathy, and vulnerability btwn two people.

i get to that point bc i feel increasingly physically uncomfortable being "forced" to socialize, w some people and in some situations i feel trapped like i cant find a way to leave without getting in trouble or in some way upsetting the balance of something. and i start getting mad like why are these people even around me right now why are you here when you could be anywhere else you are HERE forcing me to talk to you about subjects you chose and i wanna talk about what I wanna talk about cuz i actually have a lot id like to share but you just wanna talk about subjects that i cant relate or connect to (or could but id have to jump thru a lot of mental hoops to get there and i sometimes just wish to be alone rather than do the mental work of that) and i just get overwhelmed and pissy and instead of being whiny i find i start popping off at the mouth acting bitchy and haughty and its like. if youre not enjoying a situation just leave. its better than taking it out on the people around u. idk why i struggle w leaving when im able to identify logically its probably the best thing to do. it brings me some shame. but

NO longer . no more shame. truth. acknowledging it. gonna eat chips. escaped. And gonna keep learning

[fight-nights-at-freddys]

i guess i just don’t really understand why you’re anti diagnoses? like, to me, without it, you can kinda just claim to be anything, and that doesn’t make sense to me imo. i understand being misdiagnosed sucks, but i see that being more the problem with individual drs than diagnoses or psych as a whole. also don’t get why diagnoses would be harmful by themselves? would like to know why

to my knowledge, race dysphoria doesn’t exist outside of transid folks claiming it does, and someone simply claiming it exists isn’t enough for me tbh. transitioning to a different just doesn’t make sense bc you’re not really changing anything, unlike with gender, so it doesn’t make sense to me why anyone would feel better transitioning to another race other than to fetishize

yes i do think being trans is always a mental disorder, BUT i don’t think you necessarily have to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria to be trans. the only qualifier is that you feel dysphoric. unlike other diagnoses which may require treatment, surgeries, pt, etc., being trans can sometimes be treated by just socially transitioning, and that’s what makes it different to me

last parts on me bc i shouldn’t have said ALL people find it offensive. but some people definitely do. idk i feel like personally if someone said they had specific trauma that i had, but didn’t actually go through the things i did, it’d feel like a bit of a mockery to me, same with disabilities and mental illnesses.

i think in this sort of situation with misdiagnoses, a lot of the times the disorders/illnesses/disabilities overlap, to the point where you have leeway to talk about your diagnosis, even if it’s not pinpoint accurate (i’m thinking stuff like MS and neuropathy, two different things that often have the exact same symptoms), whereas a transabled person is just claiming, with no prof diagnosis (which i get doesn’t matter to you but speaking from my own opinions) that they have whatever disability they think they have, and then could proceed to use resources someone else had to suffer and jump thru hoops to get. (mostly talking about ppl who genuinely do not have w/e disorder/ability, eg. someone saying they are paralyzed from the waist down but can move their legs. extreme example)

alright discourse time i guess, i got some questions about radqueers, transids, stuff like that and would like to have a discussion about it

i'm trying to understand both sides so everyone's allowed to reply, including folks we'd usually avoid or have blocked on our main

we currently don't have any opinions on any of this stuff, not even neutrality, do not label us as pro- anti- or -neutral anything, i am here to learn. we do have a few opinions though i guess they're up for discussion if desired (does not mean i will change my mind).

warnings for the post: discusses paraphilias, noncon, abuse, mental illness, harmful topics, etc. just all the stuff really, and probably applies to reblogs/replies as well.

opinions and questions under the cut since warnings apply

paraphilias are not inherently bad to have and no one is a bad person just for having them, but being pro-contact or acting on noncon ones are (i.e. pedophiles, zoophiles, etc.)

wanting to be mentally ill/have trauma/have it worse is not morally wrong and is often a symptom of mental illness/trauma, it's unhealthy definitely but one's not a bad person for it.

fiction does effect reality, but there should still be spaces for morally wrong, disgusting, and harmful concepts in fiction (with proper labelling and warnings of course). enjoying such concepts does not mean endorsement or enjoyment of it irl.

you cannot have DID or OSDD-1 without childhood trauma, but you can experience yourself/selves as several. i don't care if that's plurality, but i generally see it as such because it's easiest.

you can't and shouldn't try to force recovery. people should have a right to not recover if that's really what they want, and you don't get to decide what recovery looks like for someone else. you can and should distance yourself from people who are harmful to you, including antirecovery folks if that applies, but they shouldnt Have to change if they arent ready to. recovery is good and should generally be desired, but not forced.

alright, that's it for the opinions i have. up for discussion but unlikely to change. now for questions, and i'd really like as many viewpoints on this as possible

why are MUDs bad? i'm anti-psych so think all diagnoses are made up and the ways they're made up is kinda bullshit and largely harmful. we Do need to categorise mental stuff like diagnoses do, there are just better ways to do it. but, all diagnoses are largely bullshit and psychs are shit at diagnosing, so self diagnosis is valid and i don't see why making up disorders isn't

why is trace bad? i'm really bad at comprehending race topics but i wanna try

why is trans-disabilities, mental illnesses, transtrauma, that stuff, bad? i get why misinformation is bad and that many transx people are very misinformed about the disorders, but they aren't always misinformed and they aren't trying to cause harm (usually, therr are ofc exceptions)

i get why things like transn*zi and such are bad- but i take that as "if you want to have an opinion, i'm gonna treat you like you have that opinion, and n*zis get blocked on sight"

i think that's it, for now at least. i'm very open to discussing all radqueer and related topics, i want to understand why people use those labels and do those things and why people say they're harmful and bad, i'm here to learn and discuss