#i can’t explain how grateful i am that i found a place to fit in.

[spencestiel-michelle]

we just hit a 1,000 followers. 1,000 followers? what are y’all doing? 😭 <3

[aliidarling]

i searched male manipulator music to find a song for this post LMFAOO anyways guys i dyed my hair burgundy:3 i’m in my red hair era

i need to purge my urges, shame shame shame ♡

RICK GRIMES x fem!reader

part 2

nsfw content — please scroll if uncomfortable

summary: you get taken by the CRM by total coincidence and reunite with your lover who you haven’t seen in years, only to find out he’s only a fragment of the man he used to be

tags: p in v, praise, gaslighting, toxic!rick, manipulation, i’m bad at tagging

nsfw content below !!

You were lying barely alive in a field, bleeding out from your stomach. Your eyelids were heavy as you struggled to stay conscious, not wanting to die. You had so much to live for.

Everything was a blur, the blood staining your clothes. His name echoed in your head. It had been years since you saw the man you fell in love with. Ever since that day the bridge exploded, the day you lost him.

It had been almost eight years since then.

You supposed a normal person would have moved on by now, but his face and voice still haunted you, keeping you up during late hours and not allowing you to rest.

It would only be fitting that he was the last person on your mind during your last moments. You only could hope you were one of his before the bridge took his life.

Everything started to fade slowly, your ears ringing. Your eyesight was spotty. All you wished for was to reunite with him in the afterlife.

As you finally went still, the loud noise of a helicopter nearing went unheard by you.

You had no idea what was going on. You were being carried by two large soldiers wearing all black, holding you up by your arms as your body dragged on the floor. When you awoke, you were in an infirmary, all bandaged up and feeling better.

It was like they worked magic on you. The bandages around your abdomen were the only evidence of the stab wound that was once there.

“Where the hell am I?!” You yelled, your voice almost scratchy. They ignored you and continued dragging you towards a door in the hallway.

��Listen to me you fat fucks!” A screech left you as they shoved you inside the room, slamming the door behind you. You stumbled into the room, quickly regaining your balance as you clutched your side, the aggressive treatment opening your stitches slightly.

“Jesus, what the f… Your words were trailed as you looked up and realized four people were staring at you, all of them seated in a row with one empty seat in front of them. You blinked slowly.

One of them calmly smiled at you and motioned for you to sit. You gritted your teeth, looking around the room. Soldiers were standing by the walls, guns in their hands.

You sighed and hesitantly sat down, giving them a blank look.

It had been a week since then. They explained the overall situation you were in, and how they had found you half-dead in a field and saved you. You felt a little grateful, obviously, but you couldn’t shake off the weird feeling this place gave you.

The way they didn’t let you leave no matter what you said was what freaked you out the most.

“What do you mean I can’t leave?!” You snapped, raising your voice at the tall man before you. He had introduced himself as Okafor and was one of your superiors. For the last week, you had been dragged outside by the gate, handed a sharp spear, and instructed to kill walkers without any choice in the matter.

He rolls his eyes at you and frowns, staring down at you.

“Why would you want to leave? We’re giving you a place to stay with a small fee for some labor.” He scoffs, ushering you off back towards the fence.

“You’re being brainwashed.” You grumble, reluctantly setting your spear back up and pulling your mask down.

Another few hours of just stabbing walkers in the head passes, tiring you. You’re leaning against the gate, blood all over your clothes and the jacket they supplied you with.

“Good job, rookie,” Okafor comments playfully, giving you a pat on the shoulder. You grumble and push him off.

“This place sucks ass. I just wanna go home.”

Okafor hums and shrugs at you.

“Sorry to break the news, but there’s no chance. Only one man in history has attempted to leave, and even he didn’t make it.”

This sparks your interest for a moment before you sigh and turn away.

“Am I done for the day?”

Okafor grins and immediately shakes his head, making you groan and cross your arms. You had been in the heat for half the day now, you were sweating and all you wanted to do was go home and wash all this blood off you.

“We have a commander coming to do a check-in. He’ll be here in around ten minutes, so stay put.” The words leave him smoothly, not giving you even a second to complain before he turns away and starts talking to another one of his men.

With a groan, you picked up your spear and started stabbing the walkers again. You felt like that’s all you’ve been doing recently, other than planning on how to escape this place.

A few long minutes later, you hear a name being yelled that makes your heart stop.

“Commander Grimes!” Okafor yells happily as a tall man in a tactical suit walks up to him, his back to you. Your blood ran cold as you prayed that it was some coincidence.

Even still, if it was a coincidence it would still make you feel sick. The universe always had its way of making fun of you, and now it was making you hear his name everywhere.

You stared at the man’s back, silently praying that when he turned around it would be him. Or wouldn’t. You were confused with yourself— you didn’t know if you wanted to see him alive if it meant he was working for this corrupted military.

But your heart ached, even if the cons weighed you down. You found yourself staring, walkers long forgotten.

Okafor notices you staring and frowns, turning his attention from the commander to you with a wave of his hand.

“C’mere, rookie. You gotta meet Commander Grimes.”

Oh fuck.

Your legs felt wobbly like they could buckle from underneath you at any second. With your legs working on auto drive and your mind racing at a thousand thoughts per second, you found yourself walking towards the two men.

Once you reached them, the tall man slowly turned to look at you. It felt like should have been in slow motion, but in reality, it was all going way too fast.

The commander turned to look down at you, his blue eyes and curls making you want to vomit. It was him. Of course, it was him.

His eyes were emotionless, his face completely blank. He stared at you like you were any other person. Like you weren’t the woman he shared a bed with for years. The woman who helped him raise Carl.

“Sweetheart, your mask,” Okafor comments mockfully, making you grimace. That’s probably why he’s staring at you like you were a piece of dust.

“S-Sorry, sir.” Your voice cracked slightly as you quickly pulled your mask off, your hair getting tangled slightly. You quickly brush it out of your eyes, blinking rapidly. Gulping down the nausea, you looked back up to meet Rick’s eyes.

He was frozen, his lips parted and eyes wide, not making a single noise. His back was turned to Okafor, so only you could see the expression he had. The expression of shock, realization, and recognition.

After a long moment of silence between the three of you, you held your hand up to your temple and saluted him, your fingers trembling.

“Commander Grimes.” Your voice shook as you pressed your lips together.

He stared at you for another long few seconds before nodding, so subtle you barely noticed. Everything in his body was on fire, alarms blaring and his heart pounding.

There you were. Standing in front of him. Saluting to him.

“Welcome to the CRM, consignee..” He trailed on.

You held back a laugh before muttering your name, glancing at him, the ground, and then back to Okafor.

“Am I free to go?” You said rather harshly, your fists clenching.

Okafor gave you a once-over, judging your dirty clothes stained by walker blood and messy hair from the mask. He hums before waving you off.

“Yeah, whatever, I’ll see you here at 8am tomorrow morning.” He mutters before going back into casual conversation with Rick.

As you walked away, you could feel a pair of eyes burning a hole into your back.

Just later that night, you were in your given apartment. It didn’t feel like home, like Alexandria. Your mind stayed on Judith and RJ, freaking out about whether they were alright or not.

Judith had stopped answering you a few days before you got captured. You knew a part of you was delusional for going out on a whole entire journey to find your lover when this whole time he was living luxury at the CRM. He was a commander, fuck.

What were you doing? Staying here? You needed to escape now, find Rick, and ask him what he was doing here. You wouldn’t leave without him, that was for sure.

You crawled up on your bed, hunching closer to the window. It led to a fire escape but was sealed tightly shut. For a place that says they never had anyone want to leave, they’re pretty cautious with these types of things.

Glancing at the mini kitchen, you got an idea. You grabbed one of the knives and got back on the bed and kneeled down next to the window and started to slide the knife between the slits, hoping to hear a crack or any type of noise that would alert you you’re going in the right path.

Not even mid-way through your little escape attempt, your door suddenly slammed open. You shrieked and dropped the knife, sitting up and turning towards your door.

Rick stood there, staring at you with a panicked expression. He shut the door, locked in, before turning back to you. He was wearing dark clothing still, but not tactical. Instead, he wore a button-up paired with jeans, with a leather jacket on top.

He rushed towards you and grabbed you, cupping your face with shaky hands and trembling lips. You immediately leaned back into him with the same expression, happy to finally be with him, and happy he still cared for you.

“You- you— why—“ He furrowed his brows as he patted you down in a panic, not believing the fact you sat before him. His hands were shaky as he cupped your face again and leaned down towards you, scanning every detail on your face.

“Rick, Rick— is it really you?” You gasped softly, sitting up further and pulling him in by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He places one hand on the back of your neck while his other stays on your back, pushing you into him.

“It’s me, baby, swear. S’me.” He soothingly brushes his fingers through your hair before gently placing his other hand on your chin. His thumb picks at your bottom lip.

“What are ya’ doing here, sweetie? How’d ya’ find me?” His voice was soft and gentle, lowered. His thumb gently pulls your lip down before leaning his down. He breaths onto your lips.

“I-I— I’ve been, I’ve been looking. I swear. Almost died and CRM took me.” You muttered shakily. Rick frowns and massages the back of your head gently.

“You almost died?” He mumbled and gently pressed a kiss to your forehead. You whined softly, wanting nothing more then his lips on yours. Your hands clawed at his jacket. He giggles and pushes you down onto your bed, crawling over you and pressing your body down with his.

“You’re okay, now, right? Good girl, keep being good for me.” You nod in response as he kisses your neck, your eyes fluttering shut as your hands gently tug at his hair.

“Missed you.” You whimper into his ear, a soft moan leaving you as he nuzzles his beard into your sensitive flesh. His hips grind down on yours, the two of you desperate for each other.

“God, can’t even describe how much I missed ya’, gonna fuck you so good.” He almost whines. His hands come down by your sides and grab at you. He presses his lips against you hard.

A muffled moan leaves you as he sits up over you slightly. He pushes one of his knees between your legs and puts pressure against your core, his hand going to your shirt.

“I’m not gonna let you leave this time, kay’?” His eyes darkened as he said this, making you shiver. With a hesitant nod, Rick starts to pull your shirt off. Once you were topless underneath him, his lips pressed gentle kisses against every inch of your torso.

His breath brushed against your breasts. Your bra was the only thing separating him from your breasts. Without another second to spare, he reaches behind you to unclasp your bra.

This was all going so fast.

“Wait— Rick,” You whine softly, trying to sit up. He shushes you, cupping your breasts and pushing you back down, colluding his lips with your neck.

“Haven’t seen you in eight years, sweetheart. Nothing you do can get me off you.” He chuckles darkly, nuzzling his scratchy beard against your sensitive throat before pulling away and lowering his predatory gaze to your breasts.

A small moan left your lips as his hands started to massage your breasts, his warm palms gliding over your chest. Your nipples hardened, making him chuckle. He leans down, tweaking one of them with his finger and gently taking the other in his mouth.

Your eyes flutter as you find yourself being pleasured by the man you’ve been dreaming of for years— your body being treated like a vase. He was so gentle and soft with you, kissing every inch he could reach. His hands were soothing as they caressed you.

It still felt odd though. Something about his dark gaze and his possessive words had you shivering under him, looking up at his eyes. The new scars on his body had you wondering what he went through.

He was holding you close to his chest, hugging you tightly and humming soft little praises into your ear. His cock was buried deep inside you, your walls fitting him like a vise. He moaned into your ear, holding you so tightly you wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up with bruises.

His hips rocked smoothly, pushing himself deeper and deeper, wanting all you could offer. He wanted every inch of you and never wanted to let go.

“Good girl, so good for me, pussy so tight around me,“ He groans into your ear. His voice was raspy as his hands tightened around you, one on the back of your neck and gripping it. He held your face towards him so he could lean down to give you kisses whenever he wanted.

His other hand went down to work at your clit, humming approvingly as you clenched down at the pressure and let out an adorable little mewl under him.

“Wanna cum? Hmm?” He coos, gently rubbing your sensitive spot, leaning closer, and nuzzling into your neck. His thrusts get harder.

“P-Please, Rick, love you so much—“ You choke out, grabbing at him to steady yourself as he batters your insides. Your toes curled as your eyes rolled back, broken whines leaving your throat.

“Oh, oh, oh God— p-please! I’ve been so good..” You cried out into his ear as your words started to slur together. Your lips were quivering as he kept slamming his cock into your tight hole over and over again, sending you right over the edge.

“Yeah, you gonna cum? Mmm, good girl, just like that,” He whispers softly as he pounds into you more as you spasm around him. He feels your little cunt go tight around him and let out your juices. He grunts at the feeling, burying himself as deep as he could as he closes his eyes and leans his head back, relishing in the feeling of cumming inside you for the first time in eight heat.

“Yeah, sweet little baby. So good for me.” He groans as he fucks you gently through your orgasm, listening to your shaky moans and cries as your release keeps getting dragged on and on, more cum leaking out from your hole.

With a shaky sigh, he makes sure he has completely milked you out before slowly pulling out, small squelching sounds filling the silence. Your breaths were shaky, and so were his, both of you exhausted after the passionate love-making session.

“Rick..” You mumble tiredly, looking over at him. You lay limp on the bed, your pussy a mess with both your cums dripping out.

He smiles and looks over, now standing up and reaching for his boxers. He leans over you and pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead, his thumb squishing your cheeks together.

“I’ll clean you up, kay? Gimme a sec, hun.” He says sweetly before pulling away once again and walking off to your bathroom.

A few minutes later the two of you laid in your shitty bed together, the mess between your thighs cleaned up. You were currently receiving a back massage from him, oddly enough. You laid on your belly as his large hands worked on your back muscles.

He stared down at you, admiring every little change in your body. He wished he was there for you all those years he wasn’t.

“What happened?” You asked softly, peering at him from over your shoulder. You felt him press his thumb down on a knot in your shoulder, making you whine softly.

“…You want me to start from the start?” He chuckles dryly. You give a hesitant nod.

“…Anne found me.. half dead on the riverbank. She was working with the CRM and turned me in, saved my life.” He spoke with a small hint of gratitude in his words, masked by his deadpan tone.

You continued to lay there silently, enjoying the back massage but still wanting him to explain everything. Was that all he was gonna say?

“..And? Did they— did they force you to stay? Did they hurt you?” You stuttered, wanting some type of explanation why he never came back. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you found out he had willingly stayed here for eight years.

He was silent for a moment, his palm pressing down on your shoulder blades and rubbing in small circles. His eyes gaze down at you, wondering what to say to make himself not sound like the bad guy.

“No.” He mutters after a moment.

You felt like your entire world had shattered again, like he was being ripped from your arms like that day on the bridge.

“Why didn’t you try to come back?” Your voice cracked, making him realize he had screwed up. He hesitates on what to do before quickly pulling you into his arms, rubbing your back gently, and nuzzling your face into his chest.

“I did, sweetheart, promise. Tried a few times, but they stopped me. Made me realize what this place was. It’s life-changing, baby, you gotta give it a chance. I want you to stay here with me, kay? For me? Please, you gotta do it. If you loved me you’d stay, wouldn’t you?” He whispers soothingly, his words like daggers as he holds you tighter with every passing second.

“W-What? Rick? No— I can’t—“ You attempted to pull away, making him growl and push you down on the bed, crawling over you and planting his arms on each side of you.

“No, you gotta listen to me.” He says firmly, his eyes dark. Who was this man? Why was he treating you like this? The Rick you knew would never speak to you like this.

“Rick—"

He shushes you.

“You’re staying here with me, got it? It’s safe here. You’ll be safe. Don’t you wanna stay with me? Don’t you want tonight to happen over and over again?” He whispers, his dark tone turning into a sickeningly sweet one, his hand coming to cup your cheek and gently caress your skin.

“I can't, Rick. What about A-Alexandria? Judith? Maggie and Daryl— they’re all— you need to come home! This place isn’t good, good for you, good for us.” You attempt to plead.

Your words fall on deaf ears as he shushes you again, the dark look in his eyes coming back. He stares down at you in an almost offended manner.

“Are you trying to manipulate me?” He scoffs, sitting up and giving you a disgusted look. You freeze, quickly sitting up and attempting to reach for him. He clicks his tongue and pushes you away.

“I cant believe you sweetheart, just got me back, and is already trying to fall for your words. I thought you loved me?” He whispers slowly, glaring at you with narrowed eyes.

Your heart stops as his words settle in your throat, your eyes wide. Panic overtakes you as you quickly pull him back in and hug him tightly, trembling now.

“N-No, no, I swear— I wasn’t, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Rick, please don’t leave me.” Your words are small and fearful, fearful of him leaving you after you just found him.

His eyes soften as he keeps the sick grin from overtaking his face, his hands going to gently cradle you in his chest. He hums sweetly, rubbing your head.

“It’s okay, I know you’re just a lil’ confused. I’ve gotcha, sweetheart. I love you, okay? I’ll keep you safe and sound, just gotta stay here with me, can you do that? For me?”

“Y-Yea— yes, yes, anything for you.” You stammer, curling into his arms with watery eyes and shaky limbs. You didn’t want him to leave you, not again.

“Good girl. Knew you’d snap back to reality.” He chuckles dryly. His large hands hold you close to him, humming gently into your ear and rocking your small body.

The two of you lay there for a long time until you were asleep and gently snoring, and he was staring down at your vulnerable form, thinking.

You weren’t gonna go anywhere, and he’d make sure of that. He had searched for you for too long to let you slip away now, he’d rather die than watch you leave. He just needs to find a way to get Judith here, and you’ll all be the happy family you once were.

He’d make sure you had nowhere to go, even if it meant hurting you and twisting your sight on the world.

lmk if u want a part 2? idk what i could make happen but there's def potential

[shiftingforyeonjun]

How I Manifested $5,000 & Proof!

& how I manifested NOT to pay it back 

Things I will cover in this post

- My affirmations

- How I changed my mindset

- How I acted as if

- The sentence that changed my manifestations forever 

- How the universe tested me & how I passed

Why hello there! 

I am now going to explain how I manifested $5,000 and how I am now able to get my own apartment because of the money I manifested. 

So one morning a few months ago I was getting ready for work and doing my makeup. I felt so drained from needing to rely on my sister for a place to live and pretty much living paycheck to paycheck while working a part time job and being a student. So I looked in the mirror and said to myself “I’m gonna receive $5,000.” 

& I believed it.

And when I didn’t believe it, I forced myself to. I affirmed over and over again, “I have $5,000. I have that apartment. I am moving out. I have $5,000 in my bank account. I am rich.” Even though having $5,000 isn’t rich, I still affirmed it.  

I acted as if. I went to work and thought to myself “I don’t need this job. This job needs me. I have enough money to quit but I know they need the help and I have nothing else to do so why not?” I thought of going to work as doing them a favor and not needing to make money. Because I don’t. 

I also would think of ways I would help other people once I got the money. 

But even while doing all this, I still had the thought, “But how am I gonna get this much money?” and this next sentence is what completely changed my manifestations.

“It doesn’t matter.”

It doesn’t matter where the money comes from. I am open to receiving the money in any way the universe sees fit. I was flexible. As long as it doesn’t come at the expense of someone else and does not harm anyone, I am open to any way the money comes. 

When I had a doubt, I immediately replaced the thought with “It doesn’t matter.”

But before any manifestation, the universe will test you. Sometimes it seems like you might manifest the opposite of what you want but in reality, that is progress. And I will touch on this in a second. 

So after I affirmed and acted as if, I got the notification that I have received my financial aid rewards for the fall semester. So I logged on and saw that I had a surprising amount of aid offered to me that included grants and loans. So I said “fuck it” and accepted all of it, even the loans. 

After my tuition for the semester was paid, I had $5,555 left over. I want to stress that I have NEVER had this much money offered to me before. Usually it is only around $1,000. This was insane to me. 

I can’t even make this up. It’s the angel number for me. A literal angel number telling me, “here is the money you asked for.”

But of course, there had to be a test.

Throughout this whole process, I would find money everywhere. BUT, I would never keep it for myself. I would either give it back to the person it belongs to or leave it where I found it. I wasn’t greedy and I was honest. There was one time when I found what looked like a debit card and I called the number that was on it and it turned out to be someone’s business card that they made to look like a debit card. That was embarrassing. 

But the real kicker was one day, I checked up on my refund before it got disbursed and it said $900. I freaked out because I was wondering where all the money went. I was suppose to get over $5,000 back but it only said $900?! 

But then I stopped myself and calmed down. I told myself “It’s okay. I will make do with the $900 because it is still money and I am grateful for it.” I took the $5,000 off a pedestal and became genuinely grateful for my $900. 

A few weeks later, refunds were ready to be disbursed and I got my full $5,000 straight into my bank account. 

I literally cried. 

I was so grateful to have finally gotten the money I asked for. 

Now, when I found out the money was going to come from my loans, I thought to myself “it doesn’t matter if they are loans, I won’t have to pay them back. I don’t know how but I won’t need to.”

And then Biden announces the student loan relief which I qualify for. 

The universe works in such magical and mysterious ways. The key is to trust the universe and trust the process and stay true to yourself and be honest.

*

Let my story inspire you and help you on your journey to manifesting your desires. You can manifest and have anything you want in life. 

And also, I struggled terribly with mental health issues so during all this, I would get very depressed and anxious and not once did my mental health effect my manifestations. 

Happy Manifesting!!! 

[kkbardd]

hello! i haven’t sent an ask in a while because schoolwork has been piling up infinitely :[ , but your recent posts have been really interesting to me! i really liked the room sketch one, I can’t exactly explain why but there’s something so indescribably human about it. i love spaces that looked lived in, that have personality, and I think that your room (current one? made up? old one?) has done a great job of showing that. and I’m not very good at giving advice— I can hardly follow it myself, but if you don’t know something, don’t know what you want to do, try things. it’s okay if you don’t like them. i recently found out I’m more competent in languages than I thought! i can already read and understand simple sentences in german.

there’s always more to yourself than you’ll know, I think, but the world is kinder than people think. If anything, everyone is still very new at this. we’ve never lived before. do the things you like, branch out, don’t become less of yourself for other people. everything has a place, and my best advice is to treat life as you would a vacation. do all the things you can while you’re here. build a life that makes it worth it. (sorry for the long ask and my rambling, or if this is overstepping in any way. i just read what you wrote and kind of related to it in a way. thank you for continuing to create art, it brings me a lot of joy! :] )

hey isopod!!! thanks for the ask & I wish u good luck with ur school work!

Thank u so much for the compliments, im really glad the vibe of my room was conveyed in those doodles. i absolutely looove drawing my room! It’s extremely small (a renovated utility closet) and just barely fits a bed + my desk but its packed full of the things i love. It’s very lived in and I feel like it reflects my character well.

when i drew that page I was in my senior year of high school and pressures to decide my future were overwhelming. I never thought much about it until then and I didn’t have any idea of what I was going to do. The only thing I felt I had going for me was art but I didn’t want to turn my only hobby into a job I hated. I remember going through a master list of majors on random college websites and one-by-one asking myself if I’d be okay doing it. In the end I had nothing. I was really crushed about it and felt stuck. This was right after the covid quarantine too so focusing in school was difficult & I couldn’t bring myself to apply for scholarships. I started skipping classes, smoking weed, and pushing off my assignments. All of this only made me feel more miserable, of course, so everything seemed pretty bleak at the time.

But luckily I had the support of my family and especially my mother. She would always remind me that “we have option”, “we always have options”. Because I did! This was a fresh start to try my hand at a totally different experience than what I’ve done so far. I ended up choosing my major on a complete whim after hearing my aunt had a job in an adjacent field. I was pretty sure I’d drop out after a semester, yet here I am about to graduate soon & I’m having a ton of fun!! (Hell, I’m 10 hours out in the middle of nowhere right now for my Field Methods class!) It’s not that I had a knack for Geology that I just never tapped into, or that i secretly had a passion for rocks this entire time; I just found something that seemed like an okay fit and grew interest from there. I think that a small level of commitment like that is more than enough to get you going. I had a ton of ideas in my head about how I needed to have a perfect fit major that would connect every dot I’ve laid out in my life thus far, but that’s not true at all. Life is much more messy and unpredictable than that.

But enough of my rambling!! That time of my life may have been stressful but I’m very grateful that I went through it! It changed how I viewed problems and it taught me to always look for other options when everything seems helpless.

Thank u so much for ur encouragement, I really appreciate it <33 I completely agree with everything u said!! Life is an ever changing experience & often leads u in unpredictable directions!

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 Cops & Robbers 🔞

Chapter 16

Tags: Threat of violence? I guess?

A/N: Please enjoy the second big reveal of this fic that I wrote literally over 6 months ago & finally found a place where it fit in the story. Full fic is here

Network(s): @newworldnet @tbz-network

Younghoon was silent on the drive over to Felix’s headquarters, a club not far from Juyeon’s own.

”What are you going to do?” Hyunjae couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

”I told you, I’m not going to kill him,” Younghoon replied, not looking at the other man.

”Yes, but we both know there’s a lot you can do that won’t kill someone. You shot out a guy’s knees right in front of me,” Hyunjae pointed out.

”I’m not going to do that this time,” Younghoon said.

”Then why do you have a gun?” Hyunjae asked.

”You noticed that?” Younghoon finally looked at him.

”Of course I noticed that. I’m trained to tell when someone’s armed. Does Juyeon know you took it?” Hyunjae already knew the answer.

”No and you’re not going to tell him,” Younghoon replied.

”He’ll figure it out pretty quickly if that’s his desk piece,” Hyunjae told him.

”By the time he does, we’ll already be back,” Younghoon said.

”Okay,” Hyunjae was unconvinced. He parked the car and looked at Younghoon. “I assume you want me to wait?”

”You assume correctly,” Younghoon agreed as he got out. Hyunjae sighed as he watched Younghoon walk to the back door and disappear inside the club.

Younghoon was surprised when the door opened. Why would Felix leave it unlocked? There were several doors lining the back hallway. The first two were locked, but the third opened.

”Hello Younghoon,” Hongjoong greeted him from behind the desk.

”Where’s Felix?” Younghoon asked before he could register who he was talking to.

”Busy,” Hongjoong replied simply.

”Busy?” Younghoon repeated.

”He’s doing something for me,” the older man elaborated. “Have a seat.”

”So he works for you too?” Younghoon asked as he sat.

”A lot of people work for me,” Hongjoong 

“Who doesn’t work for you?” Younghoon scoffed. 

“You,” the older man replied. 

“I suppose I should be grateful for that,” Younghoon rolled his eyes. He knew he was playing with fire. At this point he didn’t care if he got burned. 

“I neither need nor want your gratitude. I protected you because it was in my best interest,” Hongjoong leaned back in the chair. 

“You let me get kidnapped and tortured! You let Chanhee die! How is that protecting me?” Younghoon demanded. 

“Even God sacrificed his own son for a larger cause,” the older man watched Younghoon intently like he was waiting for something. 

“What does God have to do with this?” Younghoon stared back. 

“Sometimes fathers have to sacrifice their sons,” Hongjoong replied. 

“No…you’re not…you can’t…” Younghoon started to shake. 

“I am,” Hongjoong’s expression remained impassive. 

“My parents are dead,” Younghoon said. 

“Your mother is. I am alive and well,” the older man stated. 

“No, my parents had me when they thought they couldn’t have children,” Younghoon shook his head. 

“Kim Taemin was one of my best employees. He and his wife tried for years, but couldn’t conceive. You were born when I was 27. Obviously I wasn’t in a position to be a parent so I asked if the couple you knew as your parents wanted to adopt you. They were more than happy to take you in. Your biological mother died shortly after you were born from an infection she contracted in the hospital. It’s one of many reasons I don’t trust hospitals,” Hongjoong explained. By the time he finished, tears were streaming down Younghoon’s face. 

“You’re lying,” he whispered. 

“I’m happy to do a paternity test to prove it to you,” Hongjoong told him. “Would someone who was lying offer to do that?”

“You’ll say anything if it’s in your best interest,” Younghoon hissed. 

“Younghoon, I’d hoped you’d figured out by now that just because we break the law doesn’t make us liars,” Hongjoong sighed. 

“We?” Younghoon asked.

“Juyeon and myself,” the older man replied. “I know that you know Juyeon has never lied to you. I haven’t lied to you either. I’ll do what it takes to prove to you I’m not lying.”

“What kind of father lets his son be tortured? You’re not God even if you think you are. Parents protect their children. Parents don’t discard their children because it suits them. If you weren’t ready to be a parent then you should’ve kept it in your goddamn pants!” Younghoon stood up and slammed his hands on the desk. 

“I never said I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I said I wasn’t in a position to be a parent. If your mother had survived then I would’ve kept you. I gave you up so you could have a decent life with parents who loved you like their own. You’ve already seen what being the son of a criminal can do to someone. The man you love showed you that. I wasn’t going to do that to you. However it seems fate had other ideas and you ended up here anyway,” Hongjoong stood up. Younghoon spat on the desk. 

“There’s your DNA sample. Go fuck yourself,” he turned to leave. 

“Not that you’ll care, but I loved your mother very much. Losing her was the worst thing that ever happened to me,” his father told him. Younghoon stopped in the doorway. 

“You’re right. I don’t care,” he growled. Younghoon slammed the door behind him. If Hongjoong really was his father then he had a lot to answer for. 

Hyunjae jumped when the door slammed. 

“Drive,” Younghoon snapped.

”Are you crying?” Hyunjae asked, trying to get a better look at Younghoon’s face.

”I said drive,” Younghoon hid his face in his hands.

”Okay,” Hyunjae agreed, starting the car. He wasn’t particularly in the mood to get shot. 

Juyeon was outside the house when they got back, pacing like a caged predator.

”Where have you been? What’s going on? Why are you crying?” He demanded as he practically pulled Younghoon out of the car. 

“He didn’t tell me anything,” Hyunjae held up his hands. Juyeon nodded and waved Hyunjae off.

”Earlier in the office, was that just an excuse to get a gun?” Juyeon asked.

”No, at least, not entirely,” Younghoon said into Juyeon’s shoulder. “Can we go inside?”

”Of course,” Juyeon agreed. He led Younghoon back into the house and up to their room. Younghoon took the gun out of his pants and put it on the bedside table.

”I knew you wouldn’t give me a gun if I asked so I came up with a plan to get the one from your desk. I knew you wouldn’t turn me down for sex and I know you’re always out of it for a little while after we finish. I waited until you went to change then I snuck back in and got it. I wasn’t going to hurt Felix, but I also wasn’t about to go on enemy ground without a weapon. I didn’t find what I was expecting when we got there,” Younghoon couldn’t bring himself to look at Juyeon.

”What does that mean?” Juyeon asked.

”Hongjoong was there. He didn’t tell me where Felix was. He told me something else though,” Younghoon wiped his face. “He told me that he’s my father.”

”Your what?” Juyeon wasn’t sure he’d heard Younghoon correctly.

”He said he’d even do a paternity test to prove it. Would he do that if he was lying?” Younghoon looked up. His eyes were red and swollen from crying.

”I wouldn’t offer to do a paternity test unless I knew for sure what the result was going to be,” Juyeon replied, placing one of his hands on top of Younghoon’s hand.

”I…I spit on the desk before I left so he has my DNA now. I just don’t know if I’ve somehow screwed us because of it. He was behind it all. He could’ve stopped it and he didn’t. He could’ve saved Chanhee’s life and he didn’t. I hate him,” Younghoon was thinking out loud by this point.

”I know. I hate him too,” Juyeon agreed.

”I thought about killing him, but then any answers he might have would die with him,” Younghoon rested his head on Juyeon’s shoulder.

”Like what?” Juyeon asked, petting Younghoon’s hair.

”Why? Why is he doing all this? Why is everyone so afraid of him? Why hasn’t he convinced you to work for him? Just…why,” Younghoon sighed.

”Do you think he’d actually answer any of those?” Juyeon questioned.

”Probably not, but I wish I knew,” Younghoon replied. They sat there in silence, one plotting revenge and one wishing none of this had ever happened.

Eric tapped his foot anxiously as the phone rang. Right before it went to voicemail, he picked up

”Eric?” Felix asked. “What’s wrong?”

”Has Younghoon been to see you yet?” Eric asked.

”No? I haven’t been to the office yet today,” Felix replied. A beat of silence. “What do you mean ‘been to see me’?”

”Sunwoo wouldn’t agree to help with your office unless I told Juyeon what you did. I told Younghoon and then I saw him leave with Hyunjae and he had a gun,” Eric explained.

”Was he coming to kill me?” Felix asked.

”He said he wasn’t, but then why would he bring a gun?” Eric questioned.

”I wouldn’t go on enemy ground unarmed,” Felix said.

“No, I guess you wouldn’t,” Eric consented. “I think they just got back though so I guess it’s safe for you to go back there.”

”I’ve still got some things to take care of, but thank you for the heads up,” Felix told him. Something was wrong. Eric sensed it.

”Are you okay?” He asked.

”I’m fine. I’ll see you soon,” Felix said then abruptly hung up.

”Fuck,” Eric hissed and threw his phone. 

“You ready?” Jongho asked as he adjusted his mask.

”As I’ll ever be,” Yunho replied. He took a shot from the flask and handed it to Jongho. “To making the worst fucking decision of our lives.”

”To making the worst fucking decision of our lives,” Jongho took a drink and got out of the car.

[nuklearis-sutotok]

Not to be overly sappy but I'm just really happy that you are in my life and that we found each other. We live on opposite sides of the country but I feel that we are kindred spirits in many ways. I always look forward to getting messages from you and I would honestly count you as one of my close friends, despite us never having met IRL. Thank you for being unapologetically YOU and for showing me that it is okay to be unapologetically ME. <3

You have no idea how much this ask means to me especially where lately I have wondered about being unapologetically me, especially the times I can’t seem to get “me” across to some. There are times I have had my words so twisted I couldn't recognize them, the concept others have had of who I was was entirely unrecognizable to me, and no amount of explaining made any difference. This being unapologetic is a relatively recent development and there are many days I still want to feel apologetic. I’m still working to take the mask off, and it’s not always going well, there is rather a lot of trial and error in some cases, yet, it’s another form of transparency, isn’t it? Taking it off as much as possible and hang the consequences because you can't stand it anymore... For me that has meant surprising rather a lot of people and setting up boundaries that were not in place before, sharing more, admitting that I’ve spent my life compromising and trying to fit in, a useless endeavor, at my own expense in any fashion that did not involve lying, as that is something I am strongly opposed to, and for what? To ultimately end up nowhere with it. The only person that got wrecked was me. Everyone else remained discontent.

This behavior has been so ingrained that for the longest time I didn’t think much about my past or what had mattered to me, I hated to reflect so I didn't, I tried to quell any hyperfixations, anything that stuck out or annoyed, tried to make myself take up little to no space and apologize when my reactions didn't make whatever mark. I barely considered my future, lost motivation for hobbies and interests outside of trying to find common ground in fandom topics... I essentially buried myself in the "Act normal," thing because for a long time that's what I was told I had to do, and that the people who had tried to teach me otherwise were wrong. Yet, I failed every single time because it's physically impossible... But no. It isn’t worth it... Trying to be enough of yourself and enough of whatever others want to not cause waves... It’s important to be kind, to be understanding, to be open minded, but you must also be these things with yourself. The curiosity for the world must also go inwards too. We all are composed of a different number of atoms, we all resonate at our own specific frequencies, we all have difference neural mapping, no two are alike anyway so what is this normal supposed to be? So yeah, I’m gonna try and be me from now on, and you should absolutely be unapologetically you.

I am extremely grateful that we meant, I feel very blessed on that, and I feel much the same, as though I met you in another life or something and we were friends then. There are few people I don’t feel the instinct to mask much with, and you’re on that list. I don’t have to worry or overthink and consider every behavior or thing I say, and that is rare, perhaps rarer than it has been in the past lately, and I want to say thank you for being in my life and making the days brighter.

[naminethewriter]

Reality Shift

We reach the end of another @loceitweek. It was very fun participating again, thank you mods for organizing 🥰 I hope you enjoy this last story of mine! 💛💙

Masterpost | Loceit Week 2023 Masterpost | Ao3

Summary: Janus is a Clockmaker with his own shop. When a particular customer comes in, things change in a ways Janus doesn't know - yet.

Content Warnings: Philosophical discussions, Death mention, Afterlife mention, Mention of burning and fire

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janus was in the middle of installing a gear into his newest work when the bell above the shop entrance rang.

“One moment, please!” he called out, steadying his hand once more before moving the piece into place. It fit perfectly. With a sigh of relief, he pushed the magnifying lens away from his eye and wiped away the sweat on his brow. He allowed himself a short moment of rest before placing his tools aside and walking towards the front.

“Sorry about that, I was in the middle of an assembly,” he explained to the customer who was closely examining his wares. “How can I help you?”

The customer turn to face him and Janus was immediately struck by his deep blue eyes that almost seemed to draw him in. The other man must have noticed him staring because he quickly broke eye-contact and cleared his throat.

Janus shook his head. What just happened? Sure, he had had gay moments before but never like this. This felt different. It had felt… unnatural.

“I simply came in to browse. It is rare to see a proper clockmaker shop these days,” the man explained in a smooth tone that was very pleasing to Janus’ ears. In an attractive way this time, not that weird floating feeling he had got from looking into the man’s eyes.

“Yes, indeed. I doubt I would be able to do this if not for my uncle owning the building. I would never be able to afford the rent, but he’s always been very supportive of me.”

“I see. An understanding and supportive family is a great blessing indeed,” the man nodded. “If you don’t mind my asking, why are you making clocks and watches? With the advance of modern technology, most simply rely on their devices to tell the time. Some of the younger generations don’t even know how to read the time without a digital display anymore.”

Janus eyed the man. That was quite the personal question and he was normally not keen on sharing such details with strangers, but he was also a good judge of character – at least he thought so – and something told him that he could trust this man. Well, what was the harm in telling him?

“I always found clocks fascinating, the hands ever moving, the gears ever turning, everything needs to move precisely how it should for it to work. My grandfather had a small collection of watches, some quite valuable antiques actually. They were so pretty; I could hardly take my eyes off of them. And to just imagine of much effort and precision went into making them, it was like a miracle to me. I wanted to try it for myself, and now, here I am,” Janus smiled, leaning against the counter of his shop and watched his own creations tick away.

“Time is such a fascinating part of our lives, don’t you think?” he continued, absentmindedly stroking his finger across the face of his own watch. “An unstoppable force that dictates everything we do. The fact that we have limited time to live, to do the things we want to do, is what drives us forward the most and I don’t think people appreciate it enough. They’re afraid of death to the point that they curse the passage of time that brings them closer to the brink and I can’t think of anything more beautiful than to watch it pass and change our surroundings. Imagine how dull it would be if everything stayed the same if time didn’t pass. I don’t think enough people appreciate that about time passing. And I think having a watch, a separate tool dedicated to time, is a reminder to be grateful for the life we get to live, no matter how short or long.” He looked up and was met by those deep blue, captivating eyes again. Quickly, he looked away.

The movement seemed to startle the man out of his own thoughts and he cleared his throat again.

“That is some profound reasoning. I’m impressed.” Janus shrugged.

“It’s simply my opinion. Not many I’ve spoken to about it agree with me.”

“No, I imagine they wouldn’t. Thank you for your explanation. I will come by again.” With that the man hurried out the door and Janus wondered if he had just imagined the pink tint to the stranger’s cheeks.

~~~

Janus didn’t know what happened. One moment he was struggling to breathe, the smoke suffocating him, unable to move to escape the heat of the flames, and then, suddenly, everything had vanished. Or maybe he had vanished. The floor – or whatever was under him now – felt cool to the touch but not uncomfortably so. The air was clean and carried a hint of something he couldn’t identify.

He could breathe again. He wasn’t burning anymore. What the hell was going on?

“I’m sorry for my abrupt actions,” a voice he found familiar but couldn’t quite place, suddenly spoke above him, “but I couldn’t remain idle. Can you stand?” Slowly, because he still didn’t know what was happening and felt very disoriented, Janus pushed himself up.

“Where am I?” he asked before looking at where the voice had come from. He was met by a face he recognized though he didn’t know from where until he focused on the eyes. Deep, blue, and captivating. “You’re that customer from a few years back.”

“Indeed.” The man offered him a hand to help him completely to his feet which Janus accepted. He was wary of the stranger, but something about him felt so unthreatening he couldn’t bring himself to refuse.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Janus reminded once he was standing. Looking around he found himself in an observatory of some kind, with a glass dome surrounding them and a sea of stars as long as the eye could see. Wherever he was, it was not Earth.

“It is not an easy question to answer.”

“I imagine it wouldn’t be. Am I dead?”

“Yes, in a sense.”

“Elaborate.” The man sighed before motioning Janus to follow him towards the giant telescope in the middle of the dome.

“Your human perception of death… I do not understand it fully, I must admit, but if I were to use terms that relate to what most of your kind believes, then I would be what you would call a deity. My domain is the passage of time and the movement of space. And in the moment of your death, I pulled away your essence from the world you know to here.”

“My essence? As in my soul?” Janus asked as they climbed the steps up to the lens of the telescope.

“It is not entirely similar to what you would call ‘a soul’ but close enough to make the comparison, I suppose.”

“Then what happens to me now?”

“That is up to you,” the man – no, god, apparently – shrugs as he motions for Janus to take a seat in one of the chairs placed beside the telescope while the god – feels weird to call him that, Janus thinks – places himself in front of the lens. “It was my thoughtless action that brought you here, but I will not force you to stay.”

“So I wasn’t supposed to be here?”

“No, you weren’t. This is a space of my creation, for me alone.”

“Then why did you bring me here?”

“I… am not quite sure of that myself. Unlike what you humans believe, even as a deity, I am not all-knowing. Especially you humans confound me often. Which is why I travel to your world every once in a while. I have watched you for millennia. Watched you curse my domain for ending your lives and keeping you from reaching what goals you strive towards, but you, you were so different that day in your store. You understood the value of my work and I found myself wanting to converse with you longer, but I am not supposed to interfere with your world. There are others – other deities if you so will – who care for your kind and do not wish for ours to change yours.

“So I kept an eye on you from afar and when you were on the brink of death, of disappearing from my sight, I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and bringing you here.”

“Won’t the other deities reprimand you for that? If you aren’t supposed to interfere?” Janus questioned.

“I did not interfere with what was supposed to happen. You still died. Your body will still be found and mourned. Time will continue the same as if I had not acted.”

“What about where I was supposed to go from there? Shouldn’t my ‘essence’ as you call it not be somewhere else?”

“No. It would have simply disappeared.”

“So there is no life after death?”

“There is not.”

“I see.”

“You are quite accepting of this shift in your perceived reality.”

“I suppose I am,” Janus smiled, coyly, as the deity faced him again after having looked through the lens for the last part of their conversation. “I never saw much sense in committing to a believe I couldn’t prove, so religion didn’t interest me. If you are a deity and you say this is how reality works, then I can accept that.”

“You truly are strange.”

“So I’ve been told.”

The deity laughed.

“I truly hope you will stay a while. I haven’t had good company in so long.”

“I have no where else to be, apparently. So why not.”

“I am grateful.”

“I’m Janus.”

The deity smiled and reached out a hand.

“Logos. But I would like you to refer to me as Logan.”

“Sure. Thank you for bringing me here, Logan. I look forward to learning about this reality from your perspective.”

[threadsun]

😳 (*coughpleaseeatmeCOUGH*)

So now when you say snap, do mean you’re at poetry reading and you do little snaps like that, or do you mean shove me down on the nearest surface with my hands above my head and growl out warnings, kind of snap~? Cause either way, I’d like to see it~ 😉 Also, Sleepyanon, I feel flattered that you see us as an example of flirting cause like, half of the time when I actually TRY to flirt I feel like I’m stumbling (until I feel like Howl in the first part of Howl’s Moving Castle and sweep you off your feet with charm and finesse~), but apparently I’m a HUGE flirt when I’m not so. Besides, can’t you see Sun and I are trying to write our own erotic novel here? If it’s about Jack and the gang or if it’s about whatever we’re saying to each other is anyone’s guess, but yeah! (Tis a joke btw, but thanks for helping me get back on my feet so I don’t get defeated by Sun with my new boosted ego!) In any case, me? Cute? Honey, I think you mean a living, breathing goddess who’s made anything with a pulse forget how to speak because I’m just that radiant~ What you meant to say is that I’m exquisite, yes~? So if anything, I’ve been allowing you to toy with me because I found you worthy to be in my presence, to let you in so close that you can almost taste the sweetness I hold~ But no matter, I’m only a cute little bratty sub who’s just basking in your attention, right~? ;3 Just SO hungry for anything you can provide, tongue lapping wildly at a single drop of approval~ That’s what I am~? I’d love to see how desperate you think you could make me without having half of the tools necessary to cause me to beg for you, because so far, I’m closer to being victorious in this here battle of wits~ Maybe you should be bowing to me instead of the other way around~ 😈

And that’s as good as I’ll get when I put effort into flirting 😂 Plus, I felt more defiant so~ But I don’t mind being shown off like that, though I might do a little extra just to get you fuming mad~

100%! I can just imagine the situation where his sunshine is explaining to him what exactly 24/7 domming is after they went to the next level and he’s just standing there like, “…. so what I normally do?” 😂

AWWWW I love the idea of Ian dressing up your cage so it fits your aesthetic! Putting a tiny pumpkin inside during Halloween! So cute! Jean can’t possibly fathom why they would spend firehouse funds on sprucing up a cage or getting outfits for a DOG until he sees you in a maid outfit, and oh boy. Lol. I can see Joesph taking them back to his place when he gets alittle more needy or mad at one of the guys because he didn’t like how they treated you (*coughJeancough*) and when anyone complains he’ll just be like, “They’re MY dog so I have every right to take them home for tonight.” And the whole night he’ll just be extra snuggly with you and asking a lot “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Are they treating you alright? Am I treating you alright?” And you’d just have to reassure the poor baby that you’re enjoying life as the firehouse’s dog and that you still adore him as much as you did before this whole predicament. OOO! I like how Nick helps teach the other guys to practice safe sex and how to properly engage in those harder kinks! I think he’d have to correct Ian or Shaun a couple of times, Shaun because of his tendency of treating them like a cat and Ian because of how rough he can be at times (from his views of ecchi and how they react). I can definitely see “beg” being one of Rory’s favorite tricks he likes to see you perform~ Freaking Jean man, who knows how that conversation went down or who he talked to let your position become official, but jesus did he get it for you. And he’ll put in your face too CONSTANTLY! “You know, you wouldn’t even HAVE this job if it wasn’t for everything I did for you, so you can last a few more minutes, yeah? To show me how grateful you are to be the firehouse’s filthy mutt? Don’t give me that look, you’re the one who wanted to suck me off in the first place, whimpering that you felt so empty~” He’s a bit of a jerk about it, but he’s secretly grown to like you a lot more than he lets on. Shaun definitely tries to find memes of dogs acting like cats to justify making you meow for him around the firehouse the first couple times he makes you do it. “Look, I’m just saying if a dog can sing opera, then it’s not far fetched to have them meow! I mean, just look at those cute squishy cheeks! How could you NOT think hearing them meow wouldn’t be the most adorable thing ever?!”

I’m sure that the people you’ve come across who are/were going through similar experiences like you did appreciate having your support and perspective on both sides. Not only do you validate and comfort what they went through, but you give them hope that there can be something better to look forward to in the future, may it still be in sex work or not. It can be a tough process switching the viewpoint of a traumatizing experience from a negative perspective to a positive one, but it shows how strong of a person you are in all aspects.

Omggggg! That must be so nice to get to drive up there to see your brother!!! Got a fav adventure you went on with them in Boston? I think I’m like 4 almost 5 hours away so you’re so lucky you get to be so close!! But yeah!! Definitely try to get to Salem with Moon and him! I heard that during the whole month of October, people wear capes EVERYWHERE and if that doesn’t get you excited, I don’t know what will 😂 Ahhhh I gotcha! The whole, “Welp, look at this mess I accidentally stepped into!” Been there, done that! One time, I purposely went against my gut to see what would happen, and my whole being went NOPE the moment I opened the door to a place with extremely heavy energy. OOOOOO! You’ve got me interested, I’ve never heard of a mekubal before! If you’re okay with it, I’d love to learn more! I didn’t know that there’s no classification on what’s negative or positive in the realm of Jewish spirits/entities/demons. There’s so many different practices out there and variations on how to use the gifts we have that when I get the chance to learn more, I jump at the opportunity! Expanding the mind more and seeing through the eyes of others has always been a big thing for me since there’s never one right way to do things. Very big on researching lol I work with Archangels of light, Saints, and Guardian Angels of Light, but at the same time I don’t belong to any Catholic faith (pretty sure I’d be considered a witch and have been told I’m going to hell by someone I was close friends with from what I do), go to a Christian church but not connecting to their faith (I know there’s a universal energy because wouldn’t have experienced half the things I had without there being something), but I use oracle cards, runes, pendulums, crystals, all that fun stuff while getting really strong pulls from the Norse side of things (ain’t jumping into that until I have better sources to learn from. Fool me once!) and being a Reiki level 2 practitioner so I’m definitely a mixed bag here. Apparently, I also would cry every time my parents passed by a church as a baby, even before they knew one was coming up, I would constantly say I wasn’t Catholic passionately, and my baby ramblings sounded demonic so my parents at one point considered if I WAS one or not so yeah 😂 But that’s actually really interesting! As for Jack, I never considered him to be a dybbuk, but that’s an interesting theory! My whole thing, though I don’t know what kind, was basically pointing out that Jack is a demon instead of a ghost. From what I’ve learned, ghosts have free will because when we’re put on Earth, we were given free will. Demons however HAVE to follow certain rules. For example, they can’t possess a person unless the person wants them to. Demons can be exorcised. Human souls can’t. You would have to literally change the energy inside your body to make it uncomfortable enough to make a spirit leave. I’m gonna have to find my binder before I dive deeply into this but the people I’ve learned most of what I know are both demonologists who’ve fought against that stuff for years, but any information they gave to the class was based on how to protect yourself and to diminish the idea that any negative is demonic. Most of the time it’s just an angry or grumpy ghost!

Holy helllll, okay, yeah, that’s, um HOT 🥵 That just hit places I didn’t expect to hit LOL Brain goes BRRRRRR Like, most of this has been fun, innocent flirting, but like that last sentence MMPH! Getting into some dannnnngerous territory right there! If you don’t want THAT kind of reaction from me, then I’d be careful on what ya say there sir! Jussst sayin! Like, I’ve been able to stay away from horny jail, but that’s a one way ticket right there! It’s definitely a DIFFERENT feeling haha

-🎃

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm now I'm tempted to write some stuff for this firefighter AU.............. Jean absolutely didn't get it until he saw you in a maid dress and then he was like "oh okay we need to make this a full time position." Also Joseph being soooooo sweet about it, yes!!! He and Nick especially are big on checking in with you and making sure you're still up for all of it. And making sure the others give you a break if you ever need one. Not that you do~ I do love the idea of Jean holding it over your head to make you do the most depraved things for him. Because he's the reason you have a job! How can you say no to him? Poor Shaun is just hoping to convince the others to maybe dress you as a cat for Halloween or something.

Oh yeah, demons in Judaism can be good, bad, or neutral. Shedim are just sorta Dudes With Powers rather than anything particularly good or bad. Dybbukim on the other hand are pretty much always malicious/causing trouble. They're the spirits of the unfulfilled, essentially, and they're trying to achieve a particular goal. I could definitely see Jack being a demon though! And it's really cool how much you know about this stuff, I just stick to kabbalah really cause that's the culture I was brought up in, but I did take a bunch of courses in uni about witchcraft and the history of various forms of magic and folklore! They were super cool to learn about!

[hacked-by-jake]

Hey hbj! :)

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for creating this blog. Thank you for always showing understanding. Thank you for giving the little bloggers a chance too. What I mean by that, I'm glad to have found this blog. I don't know how to explain this without sounding crazy. I feel so incredibly comfortable on your blog. There is no hate here, only love. It's so fun to read what you write, from your craziest theories to your most beautiful stories. I love that you also share the theories that are obviously not possible, but credit the writer behind for coming up with something like that in the first place. I don't know you personally, but from what I've gotten to know so far I can only say that you are a wonderful person. You give out so much love that I just want to give you some of it back. I could go on writing for hours.

In summary; Thank you for being here. ❤️

No, I won't say who I am. You can only guess. Yes, we know each other a little. Yes, I'm too shy to say that in person. No, I'm not obsessed with you. I just wanted to leave a little love here. I could give another tip, but then I'll give myself away. 😂

Goodbye, my dear! Have a good day/evening/night, whenever you read this. ❤️

First of all: Hey Ho!

Second: NOOOOO I'M CRYING. 😭

Oh my lord, these are such incredibly beautiful words, I can’t believe it, thank you so much! Another first of all: No, you don’t sound crazy, please don’t say that, you sound really wonderful! There’s nothing crazy about that. 🥺

I can’t believe you took so much time to write down and share all these beautiful words. I feel incredibly honored for that alone and it really means everything in the world to me.

And even if a thank you is absolutely not necessary, and also not the notice of things, I am incredibly grateful to you that you have listed all this and therefore have written these words. Everything I do here, I do from the heart and with joy, there is no reason to thank for it at all, really, it is not necessary. Yet I am incredibly touched that you appreciate it. I do this with love but it’s nice to see for myself what I seem to be doing here. I myself do not notice all these things so much, so I feel very honored that you have apparently noticed this matter and you have even taken the time to address this.🥺

Without all of you, this blog would not be what it is, I am thrilled every day by how wonderful everyone is here. How much love is shared and how everyone supports everyone. I am so glad that there is no hate here and that this has really become a family with which you only have contact via the Internet. This fandom is so amazing and actually I am the person who has to thank you.

Because if you wouldn’t share your thoughts with me, whether personally or via duskwood, theories, incorrect quotes, imagines, headcanons and fanfictions, all this would not be possible. Sometimes it is really hard for me to believe that somewhere in the world people sit who want to share something with me and do so. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that someone really thinks "I’m sending hbj this ask now" this is really incredible for me and I’m so grateful for it. It’s so nice to see that people here seem to want to get in touch with me in some way. By asks, as anon or not, by messages etc.

I am so happy that you feel comfortable on my blog and you seem to like it here. That’s what means the most to me. That there is something I can make others a little bit happy with. I’m very happy that you like my theories and especially my stories. Wow. ❤️

Tbh, to have to "reject" a theory, to say that it is actually not possible and I doubt it, is always so incredibly difficult for me and I would really not like to do it. It’s really hard for me to say that I don’t think it is. But to think of something wrong would make no sense, which is why I always try to consider all possibilities. And even if the theory may not really fit, I find it so interesting to see what thoughts you have and we have come to these thoughts. Even if it may not fit with the information we have from the game, the most important and impressive thing is that you really make these thoughts. And also that you share this with me.Every thought is special and above all creative. Because such things do not suddenly occur to you just as an apple falls from the tree. It has to do with thinking and creativity and that definitely has to be appreciated and above all I really appreciate it. Especially because you have to constantly endure my crazy theories where I sometimes feel a bit like a crazy professor. xD

And again, a thank you or giving something back is really not necessary, even if I appreciate it incredibly. I am so happy that my blog has become a place for many to feel comfortable and get away from hate and stress. The internet is so full of negative things and that’s why it is especially important to me to have here only the mostly good but without any truths or so distort why I try to deal with sometimes more serious topics.

And finally, I have a hunch who you could be, anything I won’t say because I don’t know if you’re okay with it. And besides, I would be sorry for the person who wrote it if I might be wrong. 😅

Once again a huge big thank you for your time and your wonderful words.Really, I will never forget it and keep it in my heart. It just means everything to me and it has made my day, or rather my days, so much better.🥺❤️

And I wish you also a beautiful day/evening/night! Take care of yourself and stay healthy.💚

Thank you!! ❤️

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Vol.7 Mukami Ruki [TRACK 1]

Original title: 砂の上

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 7 Mukami Ruki

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Takahiro Sakurai

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5 + Epilogue

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 1: ON TOP OF THE SAND

*Flip*

*Scribble scribble*

[00:10] ( Kou, Yuma, Azusa. I can only assume the three of you will be rather surprised to suddenly receive this letter. However, I simply had no other choice but to wait to inform you of the following. I can very much imagine your faces turning pale as this message will - quite literally - cause an outburst of emotion. (1) I am truly grateful to you guys for forgiving me for leaving the house with her, even though I am well aware that you are all equally worried about her. Thanks to that, we are now able to spend a peaceful time together. I fear that...she does not have much time left. That is exactly why I am sending you this letter. Because there is something I must tell you. While you may be surprised and even opposed to the idea at first, I believe that you three - as my younger brothers - will come to accept my decision. )

[01:21] “...They will, right? Although I’m sure they’ll at least be upset since I didn’t come and tell them face-to-face. However, I don’t want to leave this place now. There is not much time left after all.”

*FLASHBACK STARTS*

You walk up to the door of Ruki’s bedroom.

*Knock knock*

[01:52] “I’m awake. Come on in.”

You enter his room.

“You don’t come and visit me this late at night very often. Is something the matter?”

You shake your head.

“You came here without a reason?”

You explain.

“I see. You are hoping I will help kill some time by keeping you company during your sleepless night, correct?”

[02:18] “Haha...I’m kidding. I was going to check up on you later as well, so this works. Come on, don’t keep standing by the door and join me over here.”

*Thud*

You walk over and take a seat next to Ruki, asking him whether he was about to go to sleep himself.

[02:41] “No, I was going to read a few more pages of this book first.

You ask about the title.

“It’s a collection of proverbs by La Rochefoucauld. Want to take a look inside?”

He hands you the book.

*Flip*

“While all of his writings are rather sarcastic, I find them rather intriguing. I suppose you could say they fit my character.”

You look at the book and frown.

[03:07] “Hm? Ahー I suppose you can’t read it, can you? If you wish, I can translate for you. Go ahead and pick one.”

*Rustle*

[03:18] “That one, huh? …’There are few who understand death, as most people meet their end through stupidity or custom, rather than having found peace with said unavoidable fate.’... It reads something along those lines. Then afterwards he continues to say that most people die, simply because they believe this is their fate.”

You ask Ruki about his opinion. 

[03:47] “I thought his logic made a lot of sense when I read this. Not only is a human’s lifespan limited, but those who live in times of peace have few very encounters with death. I assume many people die when they believe their time has come, without any true understanding or resolve about their own death. As a Vampire, even if we wait for that moment, we never find ourselves at a point where death is our only option.”

You frown.

[04:13] “I suppose this is not the sort of thing to talk about before bed, is it? You would probably...”

*Flip*

“...enjoy something like this much better.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. 

“While I will not blame you for seeming surprised, I did not purchase this magazine without a reason. I marked one of the pages in the beginning by folding the corner, see?”

*Flip*

[04:38] “Kou is featured in it. While I am no longer worried about him at this point, I figured I would browse through it just in case. He was rather boastful about it himself and I must admit, it was not bad. As a result, they had to print additional copies of the magazine.”

You giggle.

“Hm? What’s wrong?”

You note how you’re glad to see him speak so proudly of his siblings. 

[05:04] “...Why would I not be happy about my brothers doing well? Especially since they’ve caused me quite a bit of trouble in the past.”

You ask if you can read it.

“Yeah. Go ahead and flip through it as you like. In the meantime, I’ll continue reading my book as well.”

*TIMESKIP*

*Thud* 

[05:28] “...Phew.”

*Flip*

“You’re still not done? Kou’s feature is only a couple of pages, no?”

You explain.

“The other pages as well? I didn’t know you were interested in the idol world.”

You tell him there’s a few interesting ones in there.

“Hooh…?”

He leans in close.

[05:54] “So, which one is it?

You tilt your head to the side.

“I’m asking which one of these men captured your eye.”

You deny his statement. 

“I’m not too far off though, am I? After all, you only had attention for him, even though I was right beside you. ーーCome on, which one do you like? Tell me.”

You close the magazine.

“Why did you close the magazine? I can’t see anything like this.”

You refuse to tell him.

[06:26] “Hah. Now you have quite the nerve to say such a thing to your Master. For one, I’d dare say you are the stubborn one, wouldn’t you agree? You have the nerve to let some other man catch your attention regardless of me being right there as well. You should have expected that wouldn’t exactly put me in a great mood. I can only assume you were hoping to get a reaction out of me.”

You deny it.

[06:51] “Perhaps I have been a little too lenient with you as of late, as proven by that tone of yours. It appears I will have to teach you some manners again very soon. Going to sleep will be put on hold for now. I doubt I will be able to enjoy a peaceful rest under these circumstances.”

You frown, wanting to help him feel better.

“You should know exactly what to do to improve my mood, no?”

*Rustle*

[07:20] “Furthermore, you did not possibly come visit me in my room this late at night and assume that nothing else would happen, did you?”

You get flustered.

“If you understand what I’m getting at, then offer your blood to me voluntarily. Do not make me go through extra trouble.”

You loosen your collar.

“I will give you credit for being obedient. However…”

*Rustle*

[07:50] “I wish you would have at least moved close enough to allow my fangs to sink into your skin right away. Oh well...I’d say you did an excellent job based on your cooperativeness alone.”

*Rustle*

“Your skin feels chilled...Were you cold this whole time?”

You reluctantly nod.

“Honestly, I can’t believe you...Tell me instead of keeping quiet about it. I suppose it’s fine. I will warm you up right away.”

Ruki bites you. 

[08:23] “Mmh...Nn… ー Hah. You really are cold. Good grief. Just how long did you endure this for? Even if I am sitting right beside you, I can’t read your mind. You happen to have a bad habit of hiding important things.” 

You avert your gaze.

“...What’s wrong?”

*Rustle rustle*

“...Oh? Not only did you take initiative coming to my room, but now you’re jumping into my arms as well. Seems like someone has learnt a thing or two about seducing a man, huh?”

You get worried.

[09:09] “Do you really think I would dislike the thought of the woman I love longing for me? I do not dislike seeing this side of you. Well, I am somewhat worried I might not be able to control myself, but I am sure you would not mind that, would you? I will suck even more of your blood next. Just as you wish.”

Ruki bites you again.

*Sluuuurp*

“Mm..Nnh…”

*Gulp*

“Nn...Hahー...”

*Rustle*

[09:53] “...Ah. Usually this is the part where you start to protest and leave me longing for more, but today you’re really seeking my attention. At this rate, I really might not be able to let you go again. Are you willing to take that risk?”

You nod.

[10:16] “You really are very honest tonight. While I should be happy at this, I can’t deny it throws me off slightly. That being said, I do not intend to stop any time soon. I will support you in case you start to feel faint, so just entrust your body to me.”

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) The verb 飛ぶ or ‘tobu’ is often used within the DL franchise to refer to someone either losing their mind from pleasure or any other intense emotion. (In this case, I suppose anger would be more accurate.)

[miekasa]

mie!! since u write such beautiful gorgeous astounding breathtaking life-changing tearjerking fics, do YOU have any good fic recs that you personally love 🤔

I do! I have a whole blog of wonderful fics I’ve read (tho I desperately need to update it/reblog the ones in my drafts and tag them) @ackermeun for more if you want because there are many lovely, talented writers; but I’ll list a few of my faves for Levi and Eren below 😌😌

Levi

kiss me more by @vennilavee

Now, I could recommend you anything and everything by Saran and I have no doubt that you would love all of it. There’s not a single thing in her masterlist that I dislike, she even made me okay with the idea of pegging Levi bye. The entire tbah universe (specifically parental moments one) has a special place in my heart, but recently the perpendicular world has been on my mind, and might be coming for number one. Either way, you’re gonna love it. She writes Levi in his slightly bitchy, kinda needy, implicitly affectionate, true to nature form, and I am so grateful for it. Also, Saran is a comedian. 

silver soul by @oi-levi (now posting from @bibblelevi)

I suck at keeping up with series, and, so, naturally, I’m terribly behind on this one, but I’m gonna go ahead and rec the whole thing to you anyway, because I have no doubt that the other chapters are just as great the two I’ve read so far. The way she writes Levi... when I tell you I could wrap myself up in a blanket and binge this whole series, and her entire masterlist, and be very content I mean it; her writing feels warm, that’s the only way I can explain it. 

the art of tea composition by @karikarasuno

I don’t remember how or when I found this fic exactly, probably just scrolling through the tag, but I love it. Domestic fluff with Levi, allowing me to pretend I’m a morning person, and just the right kind of smut to go with it. Simple and very, very effective. I’ve reread it a few times by now, no shame.

where you’re meant to be by @deludedimagines

After you read this, I also suggest just going after the whole masterlist. I cannot express how grateful I am to have found this blog PLEASE. Her characterization of Levi is perfect, and something about her prose feels very clean and simple, but elevated and layered at the same time. This one-shot in particular is one of my favorite canonverse pieces, I’m a sucker for a classic injured lover trope. 

the ones who matter most by @deludedimagines

Yeah... this shouldn’t be a surprise. Fantastic writing, fluff in canonverse has a special place in my heart because I think it can be really hard to pull off well; it’s difficult to balance a sense of softness within the aot universe for the obvious reasons, and getting Levi’s caring nature right can be (unfortunately) so hard to find. Good thing people like Sorcha are here. Enjoy more fluff. Also this fic is particularly fantastic to me not just because of the injured lover trope, but because the 104th babies pay a visit and you all know how much I love a good glimpse of reluctant adoptive dad Levi hehe

bullet by @jean-does-not-have-a-horseface

If you can’t tell by now, I love canonverse fluff, tho this fic isn’t fluff in the traditional sense, but I think that makes it all the much better. Perfect depiction of real life shit that would go down in the aot world paired with Levi’s need to protect his s/o. It’s fantastic. 

the knife by @therealvalkyrie

I didn’t mean to turn this into Mie’s Favorite Canon Fics Showcase, but here we are anyway. As much as I love a good injured lover trope (and this does have that hehe), I love a good kickass reader insert, too. Shoutout to Valkyrie for included both in this fic, and Levi being proud of his s/o... well you can imagine how much I liked that bye

dante’s inferno by @alrightberries

College au + roommates au with Levi... that should be enough for you to read this lmfao, no but actually it’s adorable. Not to mention friends to lovers... if you know me you know how I feel about that, I’ll gobble up every f2l fic until I’m dead and gone. Not to mention there’s a cat and Levi won’t admit he likes it, or he’s jealous of it. Simply cannot go wrong here. 

waves know shores by @onwiings

Bro I don’t even like the idea of public sex and I’m not even a fan of water like that but this fic has me wrapped around it’s pinky lmfaoooo. Some of the best Levi smut I’ve read and you already know how I feel when Levi and reader have cute interactions with the 104th in fics. Really it’s checking every item on my list. 

Eren

speed racer by @emeren

I’m pretty sure I found this fic during my midterms last semester, and when I tell you I’m so grateful for it lmaooo. It’s really just a good au, I think it fits Eren (honestly barking at just the concept) and the writing brings it all to life. 

under the moonlight by @murmikaa

I’d have to be dumb not to recommend this to you. I love reading longer fics, and if you do, then this will 100% satisfy you. The whole story is great and immersive, not just between Eren and the reader; their relationships with the other characters are really what makes this special imo. There’s also beach sex, so. Obviously it’s good. 

untitled.avi by @puredivinity (now @celestidarling)

Naur you must of thought wrong if you thought at least one of Mara’s fics wouldn’t be here. I’m obsessed, I think I’ve read it three times minimum. I read all her Eren fics, and you should too. She writes him in such a dreamy way, almost like he’s right there and too good to be true that you must be hallucinating. Immaculate. 

midnight snacks by @writertitan

Dumb, college-typical antics and fluff with Eren... obviously you know I’m about that. The whole concept is so mundane, but so cute, you can’t help but fall for it because it could be so real!! I love that kinda stuff hehe 

i’m your satellite by @ackerfics

Comparing hand sizes with Eren!! YEAAAAH!! No, okay, but I read the summary and was ready to dive in because... size kink go crazy, but when I tell you I was so blown away to find out that it was not only from Eren’s pov, but that he was being a complete simp and down terrible the whole time. Normalize boyfriends being completely fucking in love with their gfs that simple shit like the size of their hand makes them wanna simp even harder!!!!

eren as an ass man by @hznji

I’m dying on the hill that Eren is an ass guy and you should too because it’s the objective truth. Fluff, Eren being a complete dog as per usual, Eren’s being touchy (I will also die on the hill that he’s touchy as fuck and has no concept of personal space) and just in genral snarky but cute banter. Gotta love that. 

Jean

tears over beers by @appplepii

When I tell you this is my favorite Jean fic, I mean it. Friends to lovers with hopelessly pining Jean + oblivious reader = everything I could have asked for in a fic, AND it’s from Jean’s pov too!!! INCREDIBLE!!! The pining made me yearn, and the smut was so well done, too. 

this drabble by @arlerted

Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER!!! I DON’T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT!!! Cal is right, don’t do drugs but... this mf... this imagine.... has been burned into my mind since the first time I fucking read it bye. Callie also writes a bunch of filthy (affectionate <3) fics and drabbles and lewds and you should read them, preferably when you’re alone and with the lights off. 

[keanureevesisbae]

But professor... - c.1

Summary: Penny Townsend is going to attend her first criminology class. What she didn’t expect was professor Walter Marshall.

Professor!Walter Marshall x Penny Townsend (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: Mentions of murder and blood

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Professor!AU -- can you imagine? Walter Marshall as a professor? 🤤

Masterlist // But professor... masterlist // Next chapter

✎ ✎ ✎

My parents hoped that I would become a doctor. I get it—being friends with a lot of successful parents with equally successful children, must’ve raised their standard for me. They however must’ve known that medicine wasn’t it for me and going to law school isn’t my forte either. It must’ve been hard on them, knowing I wasn’t that intellectually gifted, though they tried their best for me to be.

They did a lot for me. At the ripe age of two to five hours, I was placed at the entrance of a church in Maryland. The pastor and his wife discovered me and brought me to the hospital, only to found out I wasn’t just a couple weeks premature, but also had a lot of heroin in my system.

My birth parents barely gave me a chance the second I was born (probably when I was conceived, but okay) and that is why I am so grateful that my adoptive parents care so much about me.

And that’s why I want to make them proud and studying psychology is my best chance at being the successful daughter they deserve, but man does it feel wrong to be here. I know there is another student out there who deserves to be here, who actually wants to do this, yet here I am taking their place.

Psychology wasn’t the greatest choice already, but having to take criminology was an even bigger mistake. I walk into the lecture hall for the first criminology class. My hands shake because of the nerves, they’re even clammy. I’m not good at making friends, so seeing those cliques that has formed after only two weeks of university, makes me slightly jealous and really alone.

I never really fitted in. My teachers would describe me as a sweet young girl, who is painfully shy.

That, of course, is if they even noticed me at all.

It can be hard to fit in, especially when you feel out of place the second you enter a room, like I have felt since I can remember.

‘Take a seat,’ I hear a deep voice say and I look up, to meet the eyes of the professor. He is unlike all of my other professors. He isn’t in a suit or at least some decent slacks. His denim jeans hugs his thick thighs, as he wears a sweater on top. His curls are disheveled and slightly frizzy and his beard is asymmetrical. A deep frown in between his brows.

‘Me?’ I ask in a soft tone.

He nods. ‘You,’ he confirms.

I walk passed him to choose a seat in the back. I take place and look around me, only to meet the eyes of the professor again. While I wonder what made him choose teaching, since he doesn’t look like someone who was born to teach, I also ponder about the fact he is looking at me again.

Why would he do that?

I grab my laptop and open it, opening a new document. I’ve been going to NYU for two weeks now, yet this is my first criminology class. I run my fingers through my hair, pushing up the glasses on my nose bridge.

‘Okay everyone,’ I hear the professor say, when it’s time for the class to start. ‘There is a sheet going around. Find the spot you’re sitting now and write down your name. If I find out you are messing with me, you have failed your class immediately.’

He is not beating around the bush.

‘I’m detective Walter Marshall. I have worked for the MPD, the Minneapolis Police Department. For this semester there are three subjects we’ll cover. Victimology, crime analysis and the psychology of criminal behavior.’

This is not at all what I want to learn. This is too gore for me. I should’ve stood up to my parents and go to cosmetology school like I originally wanted. It’s better for me anyways.

I’m so stupid.

The paper ends up on my table and I try to find my place on it. I write down ‘Penelope Townsend’ and slide it to the person two tables over. Professor Marshall explains how we have a weekly lecture of two hours and how he is available for questions every Friday, since he’ll be in his office.

‘Does anyone have any questions?’

A guy raises his hand. ‘Why aren’t you working for the MPD anymore, sir?’

Professor Marshall sits on the edge of his desk, crossing his muscular arms in front of his chest. ‘I was put on leave.’

‘Why?’

‘There were some issues,’ he says. ‘Between me and suspects.’

I have no idea what he is implying, but the silence in the classroom is so thick, that I have a clue what types of issues came with said suspects.

‘Really?’ the guy asks.

The professor only raises his eyebrows, which obviously means he isn’t joking. You don’t need to have studied Psychology to figure that out. ‘Any more questions?

‘Do we work in pairs for the assignment?’ a girl asks.

He shakes his head. ‘No, individual works only.’

I let out a sigh of relief. Thank the stars, I don’t want to work with others. Really, I don’t.

‘Okay, if that’s all, let me start right away. What do these women have in common?’ He presses a button on his presenter and the screen behind him changes. Three pictures of women appear on the screen. It’s their driver’s license photo.

‘They’re women,’ a guy says, causing a few to laugh.

Professor Marshall grabs the paper with names and says: ‘Does anyone have something less obvious to comment than mister Fitzgerald?’ He seems not amused at all by the words of Fitzgerald.

‘Brown hair, blue eyes,’ a girl says.

He nods. ‘And?’

‘They’re pretty,’ another girl says.

‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ he notes. His eyes scan the paper and he looks up. ‘Miss Townsend, do you have something to add?’

Our eyes meet again and I realize that I’m the only miss Townsend in the class. I clear my throat and look at the pictures. Say something smart, Penny. Say something intelligent. Really intelligent.

The obvious things have already been said, so I should stay away from those things.

I swallow hard, press my glasses better on my nose and say: ‘Their left eyelid is slightly droopy.’

I hear some people chuckle a bit, making me feel everything but intelligent.

‘Quiet,’ professor Marshall says and the chuckles die down instantly. ‘Their droopy left eyelid is what made them appealing to the killer.’ He looks up from the other side of class, right at me. His slightly annoyed gaze dissolves for a few moments into a soft one. ‘Miss Townsend made an excellent point here. It took an entire police department to come to that conclusion over the course of two months.’

Oh my goodness, I made an excellent point.

The slides change and I see another picture. This time it’s of a man. It’s a mugshot. I bet he is the killer.

‘Miss Townsend, since you are on a roll,’ the professor continues and I nearly groan. Really? He wants me to answer another questions? ‘What’s do you notice about this man?’

I scan his entire face. He has a crooked nose, blemishes on his forehead and thin lips. He looks like a killer. This would be the type of man I would avoid if I came across him.

‘His left eyelid is also droopy,’ I say.

Is that a tiny smirk on his lips? ‘Correct.’ While professor Marshall continues to explain about how his own appearance is unknowingly influencing his choice of victims, I can’t help but beam a little with pride. ‘Because,’ he continues, ‘if you understand your victims, you can understand your killer.’ The slideshow changes to one word. ‘Welcome to victimology.’

✎ ✎ ✎

Time spend in a lecture hall while professor Marshall teaches flies by. Though he is a bit grumpy and not very welcoming, he is interesting and smart. Much better than my other teachers. I put everything in my backpack, before I get up from my seat. I’m one of the last students to leave the place, mostly because I don’t want to be swarmed by the cliques.

‘Miss Townsend,’ professor Marshall says, causing me to stop misstep as I already passed him.

I turn around. ‘Yes?’ I ask.

He doesn’t look up from his notes. ‘You did well in class today.’

Is this man giving me a compliment? He might be the first one in a teacher like position to ever notice me, let alone give me a compliment. ‘I did?’

‘Yeah,’ he says, now looking up from his notes. ‘Don’t hesitate to say something in class next time. You have great insight.’

‘Or just luck,’ I say.

Professor Marshall shakes his head. ‘No, this isn’t about luck, this is good insight. So, can you promise me to raise your hand next class?’

I bite my lip, before shaking my head. ‘No, I can’t.’

‘Why can’t you?’

‘What I said: this was luck and it probably won’t happen again. I have to go. I reserved a spot at the library. If that is all, sir?’

He doesn’t say anything, simply looks at me. It takes a second, maybe two before he nods. ‘If you have questions,’ he says, ‘you know how to contact me.’

I nod, before I walk out of the hall. I see students gathering in front of the door and I quickly slip through them and make my way to the library. I’ve been going to classes for around two weeks now and I’m still up to date as we speak. I decide to at least make a beginning with the assignments of my criminology class, because the sooner I start, the less work and stress I’ll experience later on, because I most definitely will stress about it.

It’s been quite awhile since I opened a book for school for assignments or preparing for exams. After high school, I decided to take a gap year, which ended in two. I’ve traveled with all sorts of groups to different countries, worked at an international cafe in Japan for awhile. It did help me with my social skills. I was happy, social and totally in my element. Those wonderful skills were all forgotten the second I stepped foot back in the USA again.

It was my parents that pushed for going back to college and once they figured out that medicine or law wasn’t up my alley, they agreed psychology, though it wasn’t my thing either.

It’s okay, sure, but… Gosh, I miss the freedom I had during the gap years. I’m not stupid, but is the academical life for me? I have looked at cosmetology school and boy do I wish I was there at the moment.

And not here.

✎ ✎ ✎

I don’t know how long I have been at the library, but my eyes are tired by the time I close my laptop. Besides working on my assignment, I also texted my parents to tell them everything is going fine and checked out multiple cosmetology schools here in the area.

Originally I’m from Maryland, meaning it’s only a three hour drive to see my parents and for them to check in on me. I considered lying about my major, about attending NYU and just go to cosmetology school, but mom and dad are paying my tuition, which is another loophole in my plan.

I put the laptop in my backpack and walk out of the library. Every second my mind wasn’t occupied with university related things, it went straight back to my first criminology class, more specifically my professor. His words. It’s one thing he said those things to me, but another that he looked so handsome while saying it.

‘There she is,’ I hear from behind me as I walk through the hallways to the exit. I turn around to discover it’s Fitzgerald. I forgot his first name, which is weird since we share a lot of the same classes together. He isn’t easy to miss. Pleasant on the eyes, that’s for sure, but he is loud, thinks he is hilarious and that makes him kinda annoying. ‘Miss Townsend,’ he says in a mocking tone.

Okay, change kinda annoying to absolutely insufferable.

‘Hm?’

Fitzgerald walks next to me and he comes a lot closer than I prefer. ‘You’re already the teacher’s pet,’ he continues. ‘Bet the man has a thing for Asian chicks.’

I have no idea how to respond to that implication. My instinct says to get out of here, but the exit is right ahead of me and from the looks of it, Fitzgerald is going there as well. So there is no escape.

‘But let’s say it’s beginners luck,’ he says, ‘because it was actually the first time I heard you speak.’

‘You mind leaving me alone?’ I ask.

‘Why is that, sugar boo?’

Okay, now I’m gonna vomit. Goosebumps run over my spine and the hairs in my neck are standing straight up. I bet this guy’s dad is rich, therefore the only reason he is here. ‘I don’t want you here.’

‘You don’t want me here?’ He starts to chuckle. ‘Sweetheart, everyone wants me here.’

Not me.

‘Fitzgerald, are you deaf?’

It’s professor Marshall.

His eyes enlarge when he realizes that too. ‘No, sir,’ he quickly says.

‘She said she doesn’t want you here.’ He stands in front of the two of us, looking everything but amused. ‘You know, back when I was working, I encountered a lot of guys like you. Did you know they usually peak in high school, do okay in college, but the second they end up locked up in jail—and I promise you, they most often will—they aren’t so tough anymore. They usually end up as someone’s bitch.’

To hear this entire monologue and the word bitch from a professor, was not at all what I was expecting. Fitzgerald’s face is drained from all its color. While Fitzgerald looks like he shat himself, I am utterly amazed. I wish I was this intimidating, I think to myself.

Fitzgerald clears his throat, eyes darting around the hallway, almost as if he is trying to find the closest exit. He shoots out of this place very quickly, meaning I’m left with only our professor.

‘Thank you, sir,’ I say.

Professor Marshall simply nods. ‘You know, if you lowered your shoulders, you’d appear more confident.’

Why do I feel so offended? ‘Oh…’

‘It’s advice, miss Townsend, not criticism.’

‘Oh,’ I say again, this time in a whisper like tone. He could’ve brought it up a bit nicer though. No need to hurt my feelings like that.

Professor Marshall and I both walk towards the exit and I notice it’s raining. Great, guess who didn’t bring her umbrella and also isn’t wearing a jacket with a hood?

Absolutely fantastic.

‘Here,’ the professor says, holding out his umbrella for me.

Is this truly happening? ‘Oh, sir, that’s not necessary.’

‘I insist.’

With some hesitation I grab the umbrella from him and smile. ‘Thank you, professor.’

He politely nods and walks off, leaving me with the umbrella and a little bit confused. Though he looks so handsome and slightly intimidating, he still is nice to me. The only teacher ever. Maybe Fitzgerald is right and—

No, no, no, don’t think like that. It’s not that every man who is nice to me all of the sudden has this fetish. That can’t be it, right?

Maybe, despite my aversion, I am actually good at the whole criminology thing and isn’t it a one time thing. Luck. Maybe I do have something I am good at.

✎ ✎ ✎

That Friday I am still on campus after I spend my entire afternoon in the library. Since I have a question about the criminology assignment, I decide walk to the office of professor Marshall. To kill two birds with one stone, I brought his umbrella with me so I can give it back. I knock on the door and hear a low: ‘Come in.’

I open the door and am met with the professor, who is sitting behind is desk. ‘Sir, I have a question about the assignment.’

He leans back in his chair and gestures me to come in. I close the door behind me and expect to sit, until I notice there isn’t a chair anywhere for me to sit on. How unwelcome of him, I think to myself. Does that mean I have to remain standing?

‘What’s your question, miss Townsend?’

‘I didn’t know which format I had to use for the entire assignment. It’s not really that big of a deal, but I was here in the building and I thought that I could…’ Nice way of getting off track, Penny. As they said in high school musical: ‘Get’cha your head in the game’ and this is  not the game. ‘Never mind. Which format should I use?’

‘That’s up to you,’ he says.

That’s it? That’s the answer he is gonna give me?

‘Right,’ I mumble.

‘Other questions, miss Townsend?’

Yes. I let out a deep sigh. ‘The assignment is just harder than I thought,’ I admit. ‘I don’t really understand it.’

Professor Marshall stands up and holds out his hand. ‘Sit, I’ll try to explain it.’

‘In your chair?’

He simply nods and I walk around the desk, to take a seat, while he leans against the windowsill. Oh, the leather is warm… What a body heat does this man produce. ‘Okay, the point of the assignment is to use some of the example files of—staged—murders. Based on the file you choose, you choose a format. You write out the victimology, try to narrate who the killer is, writing down all your findings and there are things I’m gonna talk about in next classes.’

I nod. ‘That makes it easier, thank you, sir.’

‘You’re already working on the assignment?’ he asks. Why does he sound genuinely surprised?

I nod again. ‘I am. I find it easier to work a bit every day, than to cram it all in one day.’ I realize how that sounds. ‘That sounds dorky.’

‘It doesn’t really. It’s a whole lot better than what I did back in the days,’ he says. ‘What did you think of the class?’

Is he asking for my opinion? ‘Your class was very interesting. Slightly morbid though, but fascinating.’

‘Morbid?’ the professor asks. ‘There was nothing morbid about my class.’

I scrunch up my nose. ‘It was kinda scary. With the blood patterns and all. The peek into the murderer’s mind?’ I shiver. ‘Don’t know, felt too personal and too much into the killer’s brain.’

‘The class you’re taking is criminology,’ he says, ‘you should’ve known.’

I shrug, not knowing what to say to him. He is right…

‘Miss Townsend—’

‘Penny,’ I say. ‘It’s Penny. Penelope officially, but people barely call me that.’ People barely call out for me ever, but that’s a different topic. Total different topic.

‘Penny,’ he says, ‘could’ve known.’

I don’t know what he is implying, but I realize I am totally overstaying. ‘I’m sorry, I should go. Thanks for helping me out. Oh, I brought you back your umbrella. I don’t need it anyways.’

Professor Marshall nods. ‘Okay.’

‘I should go. It’s getting kinda dark already.’

‘Let me guess, you don’t do well in the dark.’

I smile almost out of guilt. ‘That obvious?’

For a brief moment I spot a smirk on his face. ‘I’m a detective, I spot these things.’

Okay, not gonna lie, but that’s pretty funny. ‘See you next class, professor,’ I say, standing up from his chair and I walk towards the door.

‘See you next class, Penny.’

[azurevi]

Fluff 49 with the octa trio please? Thank you :333

49. “Is somebody jealous?” with octavinelle

Thanks for requesting! I hope this is good enough 😔

Azul

Your relationship with Azul is so secure that one might even comment about how laid back you are. But both of you know better than anyone that you love each other, and there's nothing to worry about at all.

Well, that's what Azul would like to think, but recently his heart has been betraying his words a lot. In his defense, you've been getting pretty close with someone else. It's not as though he doesn't trust you, no, it is your friend whom he doubts.

He's pretty sure he isn't imagining things, that the flirtations and sly glances and unneeded physical touches are signs that your friend wants more than just friendship from you. Although you've never responded to any of his attempts, he still feels a weird feeling boiling in his chest everytime they get a little too close to you.

It sucks more when he has to stay at Mostro Lounge and work overtime, because that means your friend can take the opportunity and snatch you away. He's grateful that you always come back to him after the day, but he can't get rid of the uneasiness. Perhaps he's scared. You may have told him times and times that you love him, but he admits that there's still something which your friend possesses and he doesn't. There's a constant voice in the back of his head, taunting him about how he isn't as good as them. Sometimes it's so loud that he just wishes to turn it off.

Your friend is getting bolder and bolder by day. Even when you and Azul are clearly having alone time, they will shamelessly join in, and being a nice person you never turn them down. Azul wishes you would though, but he doesn't want to upset you by being selfish.

You aren't oblivious though. It's clear as day how uncomfortable Azul acts around them -- his posture stiffens and his head tilts up slightly, eyes ever so cold but his fingers are always restless. He never confirms anything though, so for a while you just decide to let it slide, but he's been looking so bothered lately that you make up your mind to lure the truth out of him.

"Hey," you knock on the door to his VIP room. His eyes basically shine at the sight of you. 

"I thought you're going out with your friend," he says instead, once again lacking subtlety.

"I was, but I turned them down at the last minute,'

Azul flicks his gaze up. "You did? Why?"

"I don't know, maybe because someone is sulking?"

He doesn't have to say anything. His avoiding glances already reveal enough. "I'm not sulking," comes his futile, weak defense.

"Really? Then what's going on?"

After a moment of silence Azul puts down his pen, burying his face in his head as if in exasperation. "It's nothing… you've just been spending time with them a lot,"

Your brow arch curiously. "No way. Is somebody jealous?"

Blood shoots to his cheeks, painting the tips of his ears red. He looks like a child caught red handed for stealing candies during midnight. 

"I'm not- I- fine. I am a little jealous, alright? But I trust you. It's them I don't trust," he nudges his head to the side, as if your friend is standing right there. "I may be overthinking things, but I think they're interested in you,"

"Are they?" you recall the times you spent together, trying to pick up possible hints. At your serious expression Azul waved you off, "As I said, it's just me overthinking. Don't fuss over it,"

"That won't do, you're clearly troubled," you walk to his side, prompting him to turn to you. "How about we do this, I make sure to draw the line between us and spend more time with you. Will that make you feel better?"

"You don't have to. I'm not a child who whines when his mother disappears for a minute."

"No you aren't. What you are is my partner, and I am willing to do anything to comfort you, alright?" you plant a kiss on his cheek, noting how hot his face is. "I'm sorry for neglecting you,"

"You don't have to apologize…" he mumbles, although his originally furrowed brows have relaxed significantly. Knowing that you're going to be there for him no matter what is already enough for him to ease his worries.

Jade

Jade adores you. It isn't anything surprising, basically the whole school knows about it. It isn't as if he tries to hide it anyways. He loves to shower you with affection even when you're in public, more so when you're having alone times. His affection is gentle and understanding, which is one of the many reasons you fell for him, but you've never expected these qualities to become the source of your plaguing worries.

Jade's smile is one of a kind. It can be benevolent and hostile at the same time, and it can be as venomous as it can be soothing. As someone who has to constantly deal with customers by Azul's side, he has mastered the ability to please someone with his appearance. And being the serious businessman that he is, he seldom acts recklessly.

That explains why he's caught the attention of one business partner, and for the past few days they've been asking Jade to accompany them around the campus. You shouldn't feel jealous about it, really, it's part of his job after all, but you can't help comparing the both of you and realizing how you lack the same charisma that they hold. However, you decide to keep it to yourself, not wanting to come off as a clingy and inconsiderate partner.

There's only one thing that you fail to realize, which is how sharp Jade's eyes are. It's true that he has been spending less time with you lately, but during the scarce moments when you're together he can already figure out what is clouding your mind.

"Good evening, my dear," Jade arrives at the Ramshackle dorm after work as usual, to steal more time with you. His workload may be burdening, but he never misses any chance to be around you.

"How's work?" you ask casually, trying not to bring up the fact that he was once again asked to entertain the client and had to cancel your lunch together.

"Work's fine," he reaches out and pulls you towards him just as you walk to hang his jacket, planting a long, deep kiss on your forehead. "How was your day?"

"Fine," you frown a little.

"Is that right? You seem to look upset though," he leans back to get a good look at your face, but you bow your head down in embarrassment. "I'm not upset,"

It seems that you're not going to give up your secret easily.

"Is somebody jealous?"

Your head shoots up, eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

Jade chuckles. "I asked whether you're jealous. I know I've been occupied lately, and I don't want you to feel lonely,"

"I'm not lonely. I understand that you have responsibilities," you mumble, still too stubborn to admit what's going on in your mind.

"That's true, but I am also your boyfriend, am I not? Making you feel loved is my responsibility too," he cups your cheeks with his palms, fitting your face in his hold and looking at you with the soft look that's reserved only for you. "Don't worry. Even when I'm busy, I'm always thinking about you,"

His honesty brings a blush to your cheeks and you wrap your arms around him in an attempt to hide your flustered countenance. 

"Thank you, Jade."

"Of course, my love."

Floyd

Dating Floyd means that you're going to be loved for every single moment in your life. Floyd is physically affectionate, and he's definitely going to give you tackle hugs at any given chance. Be prepared to have him stick around and shower you with kisses and touches. With his constantly overflowing affections for you it's really hard for you to feel jealousy and envy.

Well, that's before the rabbit comes between the two of you.

You still can't believe that you're jealous of a goddamn rabbit, but here you are. Perhaps you've been getting too used to Floyd and his intimacy that the moment he averts his attention, you immediately feel hollow.

The two of you found this fellow outside your dorm, shivering in the cold and seemingly lost. Floyd took an interest to the small creature almost immediately and seems to have forgotten about you. You're sure he doesn't intend to ignore you, but suddenly losing his fondness just makes you feel out of place.

You refuse to act on your feelings though. What will he say if he finds out how needy you are? Perhaps he will deem you too hard to please or even a nuisance… you shake your head at the thought, returning to watching him play with the bunny.

"Oh, aren't you the cutest~" Floyd buries his face into the soft white fur, giggling at himself. At your silence he turns to you, only to find you seemingly troubled as your eyebrows knit together. 

"Y/N~" he calls out and pouts when there's no response. He scoots over to you and pokes your face, only then is he successful in getting your attention. 

"Is something wrong?" he asks, resting his jaw on his palm with an interested shine in his eyes. 

"Nothing," you shake your head, nudging your head towards the rabbit. "Why don't you go and spend some more time with it? I'm sure it's getting lonely,"

Floyd is quiet for a while, face blank as the gears in his head work. After a moment, he breaks into a small smile. "I only left for a minute, it's not going to get lonely that easily…" you gulp at his words that suddenly seem to carry a hidden meaning. "What about you? Are you feeling deserted, somehow? Or better! Is someone jealous~?"

"I'm not," you quickly retort. Floyd laughs, throwing his head back carefreely. "I think you are though? Are you sad because I haven't been giving you love lately?"

You grunt, unwilling to answer any more of his questions which he already has the answers to. Seeing your annoyed expression, he decides to drop his teasing. "Alright~ I will show you more love, alright?" he wraps you in his arms, bringing you close to his chest and swaying you from side to side. You're not going to admit it, but you've missed this.

"Next time you want hugs and kisses, you only need to ask~" he says in a sing-songy voice, chuckling as you denies ever having such desires.

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

for @bend-me-shape-me 's SPN advent calendar 2020. prompt: phone calls and late night texts.

Cas isn't a serial texter.

And Dean's a-okay with it.

But for all that's worth, they sure seem to have a ridiculous amount of emotionally significant conversations via, or starting off as, texts. And most often, in the middle of the night.

*

>>> hello, dean. [12:07 am]

Dean jolts up at the sound, realizing he fell asleep still wearing his headphones, with the laptop on his lap (and a new episode of The Good Place playing) and rolls his eyes at himself, hitting pause before he can see what’s happening (because he has good reflexes, and because screw spoilers that’s why) and rummaging for his phone.

At this hour of the night, it has to be something important.

It doesn’t really strike him that Mechanical Engineering majors whose only other selfprofessed skill is air guitar aren't exactly the frontline warriors for midnight emergencies.

Cas's name shows up when he squints at the too-bright screen, and he sits up a little straighter.

<<< hey [12:09 am]

<<< you OK? [12:09 am]

The response is immediate.

>>> do you have peanut butter? [12:09 am]

And as if it's an afterthought, Cas adds.

>>> yes, I'm fine. how are you? [12:10 am]

Dean blinks.

<<< peachy. peanut butter? [12:10 am]

At least this time the response takes a while. Dean wonders if Cas realized it was midnight, and not exactly a time to run inventory on your best friend's stash of condiments.

>>> I ran out. [12:12 am]

Dean sighs, unable to help smiling.

It's not like he's a stranger to Cas's weird cravings when he's high. (There'd been this one time with pie and a traumatized Gas 'N Sip cashier that still sits heavy on Dean's conscience.) But he doesn't think Cas is supposed to be high right now — Dean's usually either invited or informed by an unspoken rule — which just means this is regular "jelly, not jam"-Cas, at his core a weird, persistently sleep-deprived economics major and astronomy nerd, that Dean may or may not have had a crush on for an embarrassingly long time, and who's also prone to grammatically perfect texting, deadpan, Disney references, and bluntness when the occasion calls for it.

<<< pretty sure i have some [12:14 am]

>>> :) [12:14 am]

>>> I'm coming over [12:14 am]

*

And weird as it may sound, that had turned out to be the night Cas told him he was gay. Said it had been a revelating moment, unprecedented and wholly unexpected — and apparently revelations come in pairs because it had been followed by an intense need for peanut butter, and the rest, he explained emphatically, was history.

Dean had just snorted, congratulated him, and brought out the fancier plates for sandwiches — shipped in from home instead of a sale at Target — all the while, repeating to himself in a loop, that this changed nothing between them, nothing at all, and Cas having the capacity to be attracted back to him didn't mean that he ever would be (or for hell's sake, he'd scoffed at his traitorous chick-flick-nonsense brain, is.)

*

The second time had been early — way, way too early and it was by pure chance that Dean was awake to respond at six friggin' am on a Sunday. Like, that’s practically nighttime. 

Goddamn stupidly-fit running-freak.

Dean picks up his phone blearily, tongue in cheek as he clicks on it.

>>> I miss you [6:28 am]

>>> I'd* miss you [6:29 am]

Dean's stomach twists, and he's not sure if it's in a good way, or a bad way, or what-the-sincere-fuck-are-you-talking-about way.

<<< what [6:32 am]

<<< wtf are you talking about? [6:32 am]

Nothing.

<<< cas? [6:33 am]

<<< dude [6:34 am]

<<< cas???? [6:34 am]

Dean swears at his screen, more queasy than irritated. He can't stop fidgeting, so gives up on lying down altogether and hoists himself to his feet. Better to get his friggin' toothbrush since he's already up, and now definitely awake. Cas was so paying for this later.

He comes back, mouth mint-fresh in theory but still tasting awful and of fear and dread, and practically sags when he sees his screen blare with two messages from Cas.

>>> sorry, I had to make a call. [6:42 am]

>>> I'm not taking the job. [6:42 am]

*

And that's how Dean finds out about Michael (Cas's oldest brother, entitled asshole) inviting Cas to join his and Lucifer's (second oldest, bag of dicks) firm the year he graduates — invite, of course, being a loosely used word here for expecting it blindly (out of some crap he calls 'loyalty') and being readily willing to manipulate him into it.

And it's how he finds out that Cas turned them down.

"It's not who I am anymore." Cas had repeated, third time probably, and surer than before, and Dean had nodded earnestly before realizing Cas couldn't see him through the phone, and humming his affirmation instead. "And if I go back there, I'm never getting out again."

Dean'd swallowed.

"I don't want to." Cas had said, voice trembling. "I am — my own person here. It shouldn't be like this but this is the first time I have autonomy, Dean. Here is free will, and here are you. I don't — I can't. I'm not going to let them take it away."

"Good." He'd sounded shaky to even himself. "Don't."

"Yes." Cas had promised. "I'm not going."

*

And eventually they'd moved past the heavy talk into why-didn't-I-hear-about-this-before territory, Dean being righteously annoyed at his best friend for keeping something so huge from him, and Cas making lame (but probably valid) excuses in the name of not knowing how to explain the situation until he knew himself what he was going to do, because Dean may've been the first person he'd confided in about the insane fuckery that been his childhood and adolescence, but that still didn't mean he'd understand this, broken and convoluted.

And then Cas had nicely segued himself out of Dean's target of irritation and added, "They asked Gabriel too, by the way."

"And?" Dean didn't ever have much care for Gabriel (third oldest brother, cares about Cas, still a jerk) but Cas shared an apartment with him, so he had to face him plenty.

"He's running off to Miami."

And Dean had thrown his head back and laughed until Cas had smoothly added, "And I was wondering if you would consider moving in with me." 

At which point, of course, he'd started coughing instead, because holy shit, it actually made sense (Sammy had left for Stanford two months back, and Dean lived alone in a space that had probably been two big even when there were two of them) and might actually happen, but Dean wasn't really sure how much longer he'd be able to hide his crush, sharing a friggin' kitchen with the guy.

*

The third time's after their first date.

(Because, well. It happened.

It happened with Dean leaning across the breakfast table to prove to Cas his bacon was superior (to cookie friggin' crunch, because goddamn is Cas a dork) and Cas taking a bite with their eyes fixed on each other's, and Dean turning red when Cas licked his lips and then, just like that, Cas swearing under his breath (definitely filed for later pondering, that bit), grabbing Dean, and kissing the living daylights out of him.

And Dean had kissed back with everything he had, hands cupping his face, and nearly melting in his arms - but then they'd separated for air and Cas had had an apologetic look on his face and when Dean had tried to lean in to kiss it away, he'd received half a smile and a shake of his head.

"Let's do it the way we're supposed to."

And Dean had known immediately what he'd meant. Let's not fuck this up by becoming best friends and roommates who sleep together. Let's...play safe.

"Okay. Uh," he'd rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

"Thursday." Cas had promised with twinkling eyes, though Dean had already known he was going to say that since he knew Cas’s week at least as well as he knew his own, and two days and an anxious half of a thursday later, they went on their first date. Burgers and beer, and Led Zepp, and hands held in the Impala. Four hours later, they were back, and in their respective rooms, and Dean couldn't stop thinking about Cas.)

When his phone vibrates, Dean reaches for the bedside table.

It's at least midnight, it feels like he's been in bed for ages, and the only reason he isn't asleep is because all his brain seems to be capable of at the moment is thinking endlessly about the date. Fortunately, he's not the only one — although he's better at hiding it (practise, he'd say) because his heart is in his mouth the moment he reads Cas's text.

>>> I think I'm falling in love with you [11:43 pm]

>>> already. [11:43 pm]

Dean is very grateful for autocorrect as he types back with too-excited thumbs and a racing heart.

<<< so much for doing it the regular way cas mosby [11:44 pm]

>>> in my defense, it's been years. [11:44 pm]

<<< that part i get [11:44 pm]

<<< me too [11:44 pm]

<<< but youre supposed to wait three days before calling dumbass [11:45 pm]

Jesus, he'd never expected to blush cause of texts, but here they are.

>>> I'm texting. [11:46 pm]

And he guesses he'd never expected to giggle (he's alone there, sue him) cause of them either, but Cas apparently exists to prove him wrong about himself.

<<< good for you [11:46 pm]

He sends, biting his lip, and then lies in the silent darkness for a couple of minute, devoid of text notifications entirely, thinking uneasily — before he gives up.

They're idiots, sure, but nobody is this dumb.

<<< so when the fuck are you coming over then [11:50 pm]

>>> on my way <3 [11:50 pm]

And thinking about the lightening speed of that reply and the fucking heart emoji is enough to sustain him the entire one minute it takes Cas to get there, gently opening Dean's door, and climbing into bed — fitting in Dean's space like it's been made for him, and kissing him in greeting after leaving his phone on the table next to Dean's.

*

As it goes, with the confessions and the midnight cravings (and the grocery lists that keep getting piled onto through the day, and random pickup lines Cas decides are perfect to send Dean daily once he's found a website for puns, courtesy of Claire, and of course, pictures of Grease, which clog Dean's cloud in dozens whenever the ridiculously cute cat does something even slightly out of routine, god bless her lazy soul) Cas might just be a texter.

But Dean's pretty sure he's more than okay with it, so it doesn't really matter.

[firehouseonechicago]

Five Times He Almost Kissed You, The One Time He Did || Matthew Casey

Author’s Note: This is going to be a new series I am starting. There will be similar one-shots coming out for selected members of One Chicago, so keep an eye out. First up is Chicago Fire! Gif by @dawsonscasey​

One...

The last call hadn’t gone according to plan. Sometimes these things happen, but when you end up missing someone on the fourth floor of an apartment building fire, it becomes hard not to dwell on that fact.

Matt missed somone, he could have sworn that the entire floor was clear. He checked every room, every hiding place a person was likely hiding. He found nothing.

A soft knock came from behind him, alerting him that there was someone there. When Matt turned, he released a long relieved sigh as his eyes landed on your form. You stood in the doorway to his quarters, leaning against the doorframe with your arms folded casually over your chest. “Hey, thought I would check up on you, see how you were doing” You spoke softly, smiling at him sweetly the way you always did when you spoke to him. You had only recently transferred to the 51 a few months ago, but god, Matt was grateful that there was someone like you at the firehouse. You always put others before yourself, no matter how you were feeling in that current moment. You were the kind of person who would go above and beyond for your tem, and Matt admired that so much.

He released another long sigh, turning around in his chair to face you fully. “I’m okay...” He replied, not entirely convincing himself as he forced himself to speak “really, I’m fine”. The expression on your delicate features told him that you weren’t one-hundred percent convince by his answer either, your eyes narrowing slightly as you stepped into his quarters. As you sat down on his cot with a small huff, a small thought crossed Matt’s mind. He looked at the clock above you on the wall, shift had ended over half an hour ago. Everyone, including Boden, would have left by now. You were the only two souls left in the firehouse. You had stayed behind to make sure that he was okay.

For a brief second, an image of his lips on yours flashed through his mind before he shook himself back into reality. What the hell was he thinking? He did have great admiration for you, that was certain. But he couldn’t make a move on you, not now. He had just broken up with Gabby, and he wasn’t ready for another relationship yet. But the way you place your hand on his shoulder, and offerred to buy him a beer to try and drown his sorrows with a sympathetic yet joking smile, Matt was finding it increasingly hard to ignore the growing butterflies in his stomach.

Two...

The 51 was celebrating Boden’s birthday at Molly’s, and Matt was sitting beside you at one of the tables. You were leaned against the wall, sitting side on to face him. The two of you had been talking non-stop all night, making jokes here and there, and just having general light-hearted conversations.

“Wait, you broke your arm-”

“By falling down the stairs, yes. I was a very clumsy child”

“And yet you became a firefighter, how ironic”

When your mouth fell agape in shock, Matt descended into a fit of laughter, flinshing lightly as you playfully punched his shoulder. “Wow, that was so uncalled for” You pouted, folding your arms over your chest with a huff. Matt leaned forward and placed his hand on your forearm “I’m only joking, you know that right?” Matt stated lowly, genuinely wondering if he had upset you or not. But when your lips formed a taunting and mischievous smirk, Matt knew he had fallen for your facade.

You began to giggle, your cheeks flushing a bright red as Matt pulled away from you, his lips parting in disbelief. He watched as you descended into laughter, your eyes sparkling in the gold fairy lights strewn throughout the bar. In that moment, Matt almost kissed you. Almost. You just looked so beautiful, so carefree, a completely different attitued to the one you wore at the firehouse. You were just so...so perfect. Shaking himself from him daze, it was now his turn to pout as he folded hims arms over his chest, mimicking your earlier posture. “Wow, you actually made me feel bad for saying that”.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to I was joking-”

“You used my own tactic against me!”

You laughed again, shying away from Matt’s playful gaze until your name was called loudly from across the bar. Matt followed your gaze to meet the teasing smirk of Mouch. He waved you over, gesturing towards Otis behind the bar. Matt turned back to face you when he heard you sigh. “That’s my que” You joked, carefully manouvering out of your seat with a small smile. “i’ll see you later, okay” You spoke kindly, placing your hand on his shoulder. Matt’s stomach fluttered with butterflies at your touch, but he nodded nonetheless. :Sure, you still need a ride home right?”

“You’re not planning on leaving me here are you Matthew Casey?”

“Of course not, I was just making sure” Matt replied, dodging your hand as you tried to ruffle his hair. With a successful huff, Matt turned to watch you as you made your way over to the bar, smiling a kind greeting at Mouch and Otis as the three of you began to talk.

Matt knew he was falling for you, and he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop himself from doing so.

Three...

“Thank you so much for today Matt, I really appreciate it” You spoke gratefully, serving a beautifully cooked helping of spaghetti bolognese. Matt waved his hand dismissively, taking one of the bowls from your hand with a kind smile “I really don’t mind Y/n, I’m happy to help out” He replied, following you over towards the dining room table.

Matt had overheard you talking to Herrmann and Mouch about how to go about replacing a broken window, which had been shattered when two young boys accidentaly kicked a ball through your bedroom window. ‘It was a rather rude wake-up call’ He heard you say, and he offered to fix it for you then and there. He could tell that you were surpised by his offer, but he was relieved that you had said yes. And now, he sat across from you eating dinner. It was a nice feeling.

“Seriously, I can’t thank you enough. You didn’t have to do this” “I know, but like I said, I honestly don’t mind”. Your small smile made his stomach backflip, the two of you eating in a comfortable silence. After eating, the two of you talked and talked, laughing and joking about anything and everything. “Otis was telling me that they need an extra hand at Molly’s, but given my clumsy history I told him I’d think about it” You explained, shrugging your shoulders awkwardly. Marr gave you a confused expression “I think you should take it, I mean its a good job, plus you’re already amongst friends” He reasoned, watching as your eyes lit up with a brightness that made him feel lighter.

With a small clear of your throat, you stood up, moving to clear the bowls from the table. However, Matt beat you too it. “Here, I’ll take them” He spoke kindly, smiling down at you cheekily as he carefully took the bowls from your hands. “Are you sure? I’m fine doing-” “No, you cooked! It’s only fair that I clean-” Matt stopped abruptly upon realising how close the two of you actually were. His face was just inches away from your own, so close that he could have kissed you had he leaned forward to close the gap. Matt almost did, had it not been for the ringtone of his phone which completely ruined the mood.

Grumbling under his breath, Matt placed the bowls back onto the table and removed his phone from his pocket. His eyes widened, his gaze flickering up to meet yours. “Boden needs us back at the firehouse” He explained, placing his phone back in his pocket as he followed you towards your door. “Did Boden say why he needed us?” “No, he just said it was urgent” He replied, quickly jogging over to the driver side of his car. When he looked up, he saw you standing beside his passenger door. “Mind if I tag along?” You asked, smiling teasingly whilst gesturing to the passenger seat with your head. Without a second thought, Matt nodded “Jump in, and hold on”.

Four...

Matt certainly wasn’t expecting you to ask him to be your date to your brother’s wedding, but he was more than happy to go.

The last few shifts had been rough, rougher than most, so escaping to the picturesque scene of a wedding was exactly what he needed to clear his mind. And besides, it was an open bar. Fixing his tux as he stepped out of his car, Matt was adjusting his tie when he heard rushed footsteps coming from inside your house as he knocked on the door to announce his arrival. “I’ll be there in a second Matt! I can’t find my damn purse!” He heard you cry, chuckling to himself quietly as he shook his head in amusement. “Okay, I’ll just wait by the car!” He replied, turning around and heading back down the stairs. He didn’t even make it down to the sidewalk before he heard the door to your house close.

As Matt turned, his breath was immediately knocked out of him. You stood at the top of the staircase wearing a beautiful light blue dress, with your hair tied into a delicate bun with a few loose strands here and there. Matt was so incredibly stunned, that he hadn’t realised that you were actually speaking to him. He shook his head quickly “Uh, sorry what did you say?” He asked somewhat sheepishly, flushing a light pink in embarrassment. You laughed, smiling happily as you walked down the stairs to join him. “I said, how do I look?” You asked again, waiting nervously for his reply.

Looking you up and down, Matt wanted nothing more than to kiss you. You just looked so beautiful, so...

Matt took a deep breath, calming his racing heart as he spoke “You look absolutely breathtaking”. Your smile made his heart skip a beat, your cheeks turning a bright red. “Then shall we go?” You asked timidly “after the week we’ve had, I can’t wait for the reception”. Matt laughed loudly as he held out his arm toward you “I think we shall, m’lady” He taunted, raising a teasing eyebrow in your direction as your looped your arm through his.

Five...

Herrmann had brought his family to the firehouse for a visit, and as usual, they were running around like wild animals, their loud shouts and screams giving everyone a headache.

Herrmann was just about at the end of his tether, as he sat opposite you and Matt in the common room with his head in his hands. “I don’t know what I’m going to do...” Herrmann whined, “no matter what I tell them, they just won’t be quiet”. You pressed your lips into a thin line, sighing lightly through your nose. Matt watched from the corner of his eye as you quickly stood up, calling out to each child by name. As if by magic, Lee, Luke, Max, Annabelle and little Kenny all immediately fell silent. They all turned to face you with confused but smiling expressions, whilst Matt and Herrmann watched you in a dumbfounded stupour.

You knelt down in front of the five children with a bright smile on your face. “Hey, listen your dad kind of has a teeny tiny headache from the last call we went on, and he just needs a few moments of peace and quiet, okay? If you guys can be quiet for just a few minutes, I’ll take you all out for ice cream after the shift ends. How does that sound?” You reasoned, earning a few silent nods and murmers of agreement in response.

“Okay, I think a few of the other guys were playing hacky sack on front of the firehouse, why don’t you guys go see if you can join them?” You suggested, laughing lightly as the five children all raced out of the common room with excited giggles and the occasional squeal. Feeling several pairs of eyes on you, you turned back to face Matt and Herrmann, finding that their gaze was already on you with wide eyes and dropped jaws. As you moved back over to your seat beside Matt, Herrmann scoffed in disbelief. “How the hell did you do that!?” He exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation whilst he waited for your answer. As your shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, Matt watched you in complete awe. He had no idea that you were this amazing with kids. He didn’t know why he was so surprised, he supposed that the situation never presented itself.

But after seeing the way you handled Herrmann’s kids, how you were so kind and caring, how your voice was soft and delicate...he felt his heart begin to beat wildly in his chest. It felt strange to think about you that way, having kids of your own someday, a part of him hoped that one day, he would have kids too. When your eyes briefly met his with that teasing smirk of yours on your lips, Matt suddenly had the overwhelming urge to kiss you. But he didn’t, not in front of Herrmann, he wasn’t even sure if you felt the same way about him the way he did you. So he pushed down that feeling, and instead smiled happily in your direction as you continued to converse with Herrmann.

The one time he did...

You were the only one still inside the apartment complex as it went up in flames.

Your last call over the radio stated that you were headed up to the fifth floor to retrieve a resident’s daughter who was trapped inside their apartment. That was five minutes ago.

You had been silent ever since, and Matt was getting worried. What if something had happened to you? What if you were trapped too? Matt turned to Boden, who looked just as worried as he was. “Chief, let me go back in. She might need-”

Before Matt could finish uttering his sentence, the top three floors of the apartment complex exploded, including the fifth floor. Bright orange flames engulfed the outside of the building, thick black smoke rising into the Chicago night sky. “Y/n!” Matt shouted, starting to rush toward the buring building entrance. However, he was stopped by Severide and Mouch, who forcefully held him back as he struggled against their hold. He could faintly hear Boden calling you over the radio due to the roaring of the flames, he could hear the mother of the mother of the girl inside screaming for her daughter. Gabby and Shay stood on standby, their eyes gleaming with unshed tears as they waited...and waited...and waited.

Boden lost his temper, “Damnit L/n, respond!” He shouted furiously, though he waited anxiously for your reply. Several agonising minutes passed by, there was still no word from you. Matt was starting to lose hope. No, you couldn’t be...you just couldn’t. You were always careful, always vigilant. There was no way you could be gone. There was till so much he needed to say to you, Matt’s heart almost stopped at the mere thought of never being able to tell you that he loved you.

The door to the complex flew open, thick smoke billowing out through the doorway. Everyone held their breath, the usually busy street was now completely silent. Aft first, Matt thought it was the sheer force of the fire that had almost knocked the door off its hinges, the weight of immense dread and grief consuming him as he struggled to stay on his feet. The cold harsh reality of the situation began to set in. You were gone.

Then Severide was rushing towards the door, shouting for Gabby and Shay to follow. And as if by some miracle, you stumbled through the doorway with the little girl in your arms, your mask covering the girl’s face. Matt released a choked sob as he watched Severide take the girl from your arms, handing her over to Gabby and Shay before he enveloped you in a bone crushing hug. Matt began to jog forward, pure elation and happines filling him as he heard your voice. “Why the hell didn’t you answer your radio!?” Kelly shouted angrily, though his happy tears and slight laugh of disbelief conveyed different emotions altogether. You coughed slightly, looking up at Severide shyly “A bit of debris caught my shoulder, breaking the damn thing in two. I couldn’t have responded even if I wanted too”.

Removing his helmet as he moved past Severide, Matt tossed it aside and gently cupped both sides of your face before dipping down and pulling you into a gentle yet passionate kiss. You were completely taken aback at first, surprised that this moment was even happening. But eventually you reciprocated the kiss, not caring about the cheerful shouts coming from the rest of your colleagues who watched on in pure joy. The two of you pulled away breathlessly, as Matt’s teary gaze examined every inch of your smoke-covered face. “Promise me, that you will never do that again” He whispered quietly, his voice breaking slightly as his eyes fixated on every minor burn, every speck of ash that flecked your skin. You nodded curtly, sniffling slightly as your tear-filled eyes met Matt’s. “I promise”. 

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Prey for You | Part 6

Genre: Smut, angst.

Word Count: 5.6k

Summary: As Chan gets closer to his heat and you get closer to Felix, things are bound to come to a head.

Warnings: super unhealthy relationship, dom!chan, sub!reader, spanking, exhibitionism, breeding kink, violence, big dick chan, fingering, enemies to lovers, wolf!hybrid chan, fox!hybrid reader

(If you know the owner of this gif pls let me know so I can credit them)

You barely spend any time in the house anymore, only going back to sleep. Chan can’t seem to grasp the fact that it’s really over. He keeps trying to talk his way back into your life like last time, but you don’t give him the chance. You’re afraid if you listen to him, he’ll trick you again.

You end up spending more and more time with Felix, something that angers Chan greatly. He even tries to tell Felix to stay away from you, as the cat begrudgingly admitted to you one day, but he refused. And you’re ever so grateful for that. You don’t really have any friends and if you did, you’re such none of them could hold a candle to Felix.

He was such a sweetheart in a way that was almost too good to believe. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t been through the same sort of stuff you have, and cat hybrids in general are more favored and accepted than fox hybrids. Or maybe it’s because he found a group of friends that accepted him for who he was and never doubted him. But he seemed to have so much faith and trust in the world that you could never come close to. Still, just being in his positive presence rubbed off on you a little and gave you a smidge of happiness by proxy.

It was much needed, as the closer Chan got to his heat, the more explosive his temper became. Unfortunately for you, the mere fact that you were spending time with Felix fueled his anger, and he would fly into rage every time you’d come back home smelling like the cat. So any sense of cheerfulness you may have gotten from Felix was quickly smashed to the ground the moment you walked through the door.

It also wasn’t helping that he hasn’t hooked up with anyone ever since your last time together, and not satisfying what his body was literally demanding from him just made things ten times worse. But he persisted, trying till the end to convince you to spend his heat with him. You refused, of course.

Until finally, he informs you that you will have to leave the house for a few days as he will be bringing someone over to spend his heat with him. He wanted to rent a hotel room for you but you told him you already had a place to stay. He asks where you’ll stay, the grimace already on his face telling you that he knew the answer; you’ll be with Felix.

You pack your bag with the things you’ll be needing for the next few days under Chan’s watchful eyes. He stays silent until it’s time for you to leave. That’s when he takes your hand in his, proclaiming earnestly, “I really didn’t want to do this. I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” You mumble, trying to move away but he grips your hand tighter, looking down at it intensely. "Please don't stay with Felix. I'll get you a five star hotel suite."

You wrench away from him. "Because I'll ruin him?"

"No." He shakes his head vehemently. "Just please. For me?"

You snort. "I don't owe you shit, Chan."

_______________________

You can barely sit still. Just knowing that Chan was with another woman right now made you sick to your stomach, and once again, you find your traitorous heart wishing you had given in to him. This just hurts too much. 

Felix is concerned about you, and he does all he can think of to take your mind off of it. He talks to you. He bakes you cookies. He cuddles with you. He tries to distract you in any way, but nothing works. 

Finally, he brings out the alcohol, knowing that that’s what helped you last time. You throw yourself into it, downing glass after glass to snuff out your jealousy and pain, but all that accomplishes is getting you more disinhibited and loud. 

“I can’t take it, Felix. He’s with another woman right now when he should be with me.”

“No. You deserve so much better.” Felix insists, trying to contain you in his embrace but you’re fidgeting too much. “Chan didn’t treat you right.”

“But he can, right? I mean he loves you so much. Maybe if we just try--” You maniacally explain but Felix’s angelic face twists into a scowl. “Do you even know the kind of stuff he used to say about you? That was the first time that I’ve ever looked down on him--when he was being so unfair to you.” 

You gulp, heart wrenching at the thought of the kind of things he must’ve said to his friends that would anger Felix so much. “But...what can I do, Lixie? It hurts so bad.”

Felix cups your face, so soft and delicate, looking into your eyes adoringly. “Let me take your mind off it.” He whispers. 

“What?” The word barely leaves your lips before his own lips are on you, kissing you tenderly. 

 You freeze in shock as Felix’s lips move over yours, trying to get you to reciprocate, but you pull away. "Kitty… don't."

He doesn’t let you go. “Stop thinking about him, please. Focus on me.” He coaxes, pressing his lips to yours in light pecks, his gaze pulling you in. 

You give into the soft feeling of his lips on yours. So far nothing has worked to ease your mind. Maybe this will. It feels nice kissing him, he’s soft and malleable, working with you according to what you want, letting you lead the kiss when you’re ready. 

You get closer to each other by the second, and when you pull him onto your lap, his crotch rubs against your thigh, and he moans out. 

“Are you hard already, kitty?” You tug on his hair, pulling his head away and restricting his answering nod.

You slide your hands down his body and pull his pants down over his dick, freeing it. “What a cute little dick, Lixie.” You coo, seeing his small member red and twitching against his abdomen. 

He blushes, burying his face in your neck and moaning out as you wrap your hand around his dick. “Fits just right in my hand.” You jerk him, the boy easily whining.

“Does it feel good, kitty?” 

“Y-yeah.” He kisses your neck wetly, trailing down towards your chest and mouthing at your breast through your top. “So good. Been wanting this for so long.” 

“You did? And here I thought you’re an innocent kitty.” 

“I am. I’m a good kitty.” He moans, trying to kiss you again but you keep his head away.

“Do good kitties lust after their friend’s girl?” 

His face morphs with annoyance, surprising you. “Shut up about him.” The way he spoke threw you off. It was unlike him and you were annoyed by the unexpected change. Narrowing your eyes at him, you hiss warningly, “Felix...” 

“Chan is literally balls deep in another girl right now. Fuck him.” He huffs insolently, his hands going up to grope your chest. 

You slap him, the wetness of his precum sticking to his cheek. “Shut up.”

“Why do you still care about him after all he's done to you?” He asks angrily. 

“Because I love him!” You find yourself answering easily. You do love him, despite everything he put you through. 

“He doesn’t deserve your love. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“He’s your best friend. He thinks of you like a brother!” You know you shouldn't defend him but you also know that Chan would be absolutely devastated if he found out that's what Felix thinks of him. It was never your intention to drive a wedge between them.

Felix scoffs, getting off you and adjusting his clothes irritably. “Yeah and I have to forever follow his every word or I’ll be an ungrateful bastard, right? I thought you out of everyone else would understand!”

“Understand what?” You exclaim. 

“When Chan took me under his wing,” Felix begins, voice gruff with a bitterness you’re all too familiar with. “I was so blown away by how nice that is, that I basically worshipped him. And he liked that about me. I know he loves me but a big part of that is because I contribute to making him feel better about himself. Chan is so fucking obsessed with having people like and respect him. That’s the entire reason he’s so ashamed of you, because you don’t fit his perfect image.”

His words lash at you. You already knew very well that’s how Chan thinks but to hear it said out loud to you by Felix just makes it hurt more.

“So when I came in, all puppy eyed and full of praise, he was ecstatic to have me around--his own personal cheerleader. And I was happy to give that to him. Hell, the guys saved my life, right? But now I can’t get out of that role. I can’t disobey anything he says or go against his word or he’d take it as a betrayal because Chan is always fucking right. Chan always knows best.”

"Felix don't be stupid. I’m sure if you just talked to him, he’d understand.”

“Yeah, like he understood you?” 

You reel back, stung, and you quietly say, “You’re different. He loves you so much, Felix. He almost ripped my head off when he found out I had hung out with you. He was so worried about you.”

Felix laughs at that. “You got it all wrong. He wasn’t worried about me. He was jealous and afraid I’ll steal you from him.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense.” You exclaim, the entire conversation thrusting your brain in a confused daze, but you quickly quiet down as you hear the sounds of keys. You look at Felix in alarm, silently asking who could it be, and from the way his face pales, you already know the answer.

Your heart drops in your stomach and your throat closes up as the door swings open to reveal a distressed Chan. He lets out a little sigh of relief when he sees you, and he starts making his way towards you. "Oh, baby. I couldn't do it. Please come home."

Suddenly, he stops dead in his tracks, face turning to stone and eyes deadly as he takes in the scent of your and Felix's arousal in the air. You see nothing but bloody murder in his eyes as they regard you, and you think he might actually kill you this time. After all, it’s the peak of his heat, he apparently hasn’t slept with the woman he was supposed to, and you had just messed around with his best friend. He must be angry, riled up, and frantic. He’s capable of doing anything.

But instead of attacking you, he pounds towards Felix, screaming at him, “You fucking bastard!” He swings at Felix, the force of his punch throwing the smaller boy to the ground. He doesn’t stop there though, aiming kicks at the crumpled form of the cat on the floor. 

“Chan, no!” You scream, rushing towards them but Chan yanks you away, gritting out, “Don’t touch him.” 

“Chan, please--” You beg, hoping to stop him from assaulting Felix again, but then the boy on the ground sits up, spitting the blood out of his mouth, and regarding Chan with a dark look you've never even thought the cute cat was capable of. “What is it, hyung? The bitch’s pussy wasn’t tight enough for you?” 

Chan throws you to the side and jumps on Felix again, pummeling his face with punches. The cat can barely do anything to protect himself, let alone retaliate--the power difference just too great between them. 

You rush towards them again, trying to stop the wolf’s attacks. “Stop it, Chan! You’re gonna kill him!” 

He stops, and Felix slumps on the ground, groaning and bloody. You try to get closer to check on him but Chan grabs you by the hair and pulls your face close to his. “Is this what you wanted, baby? Am I predator enough for you now?” 

“Puppy, please, don’t do this.” You beseech, pulling at his arm. “Let’s go home. Let me take care of you.” 

“You can take care of me here.” He replies coldly.

“W-what?” You yelp as he gets off Felix and pushes you over his body instead. “Since he decided to touch what wasn’t his, I’m gonna fuck you right in front of his eyes.”

You and Felix stare at each other in horror as Chan’s hands rip your pants off. You quickly notice the malice in his eyes, and you grab his arms, your hands clenching down on them with all your might and your eyes silently begging him to stay down. He’d have no chance against Chan if he tried, and you really don’t think he can take any more punches. 

“Please.” You mouth, hoping the concern in your eyes would get through to him. He grits his teeth but stays down, and you let out a small sigh of relief that turns into a shocked squeak as you feel Chan’s hand coming down on your ass. 

“I am the one in heat and I couldn’t bear to sleep with someone else. But you were just gonna fuck my best friend that easily?” He growls, giving your ass another smack that makes you jolt. He doesn’t hold back, his fingers spread wide to strike as much of your cheek as he can. 

“No!” You shake your head forcefully, making up for your uncertainty. The truth is you aren’t sure if you would’ve gone through with it or not, and that made you feel ashamed of yourself. Yes, Chan had hurt you but you wouldn’t have gone so low as to fuck the guy he thought of as his brother, right?  “I wasn’t.” 

"But you let him touch you." He snarls, giving you another hard slap before soothing the skin again. "Tell me, did you let him touch you here?" He pulls your panties to the side and rubs his fingers lightly over your pussy.

"No!" You shake your head, feeling the heat pooling in your stomach and you find yourself pushing your ass back into his fingers. But instead of touching you, he smacks your ass once more. 

Soothing his hand over the punished skin, he drawls, "It doesn’t matter. When I'm done with you, no one will have any doubt who you belong to." Then he spanks you again. And again. And again. 

You’re surprised by how you don’t have any desire to stop his actions. On the contrary, it felt good to finally be claimed by him. You longed for him to love you openly and willingly, and with the effect of the heat, that is exactly what he was doing. You could smell how aroused he is, and how much he wanted to fuck you. And you wanted him to. Messing around with Felix only made you crave Chan more, and like a horny bitch you couldn’t wait for him to give it to you, even in front of Felix--especially in front of Felix. You wanted to prove to him as much as to yourself that you could be Chan’s. 

“Is this what you wished to have, Lixie?" He asks the boy under you. "She has such a pretty pussy, doesn’t she? So tight…” He nudges a finger in, curling it. “But it's all mine." 

The boy under you glares up at him and you dig your fingers into his biceps, once again begging him not to fight back. 

"Puppy, please. Let’s just go home" You coax, trying to get the two boys away from each other.

“No. He’s gonna sit there and watch me breed your little pussy.” Chan says, pulling his finger out then pushing it in again, his other hand continuing to spank you. 

You think you hear a low growl coming from Felix but it’s hard concentrated over the squelching sounds of Chan’s fingers pumping in and out of your drenched pussy at a rapid pace. Delighting in the way you are rocking yourself against his hand and clenching around his finger, Chan praises you. “Good girl. You know who you belong to, don’t you?” 

“Chan--”

His finger curls inside of you and his hand falls on your ass harshly. “Don’t you, baby?” 

You know he’s not to be provoked right now. “Yes. I belong to you.” 

“That’s my good little fox.” He grunts, pushing another finger inside you. “Would he be able to make you lose it like this just from his fingers? Have you fucking back on his fingers like a bitch in heat?” 

“No, puppy. Only you can.”  You answer while looking Felix in the eye, and you’re turned on, you could feel your arousal leaking down your leg. 

“You like this, don’t you, little slut? Is this what you were waiting for?” 

“No… I-I” You stutter, feeling yourself getting close despite your denial. Chan can tell and he speeds up even more, causing the palm of the hand he is fingering you with to keep smacking against your pussy. As your walls start spasming around his fingers, he takes them out, leaving you clenching around nothing. But he doesn’t stop touching you, his fingers rubbing over your lips relentlessly, forcing you into a painful high and never letting you down. You shake in his grip, squealing and begging him to stop. “Chan---I can’t, please!”

You try to pull away but he snakes an arms around your waist and keeps your ass in the air, his fingers forcing you into another orgasm. Your hips jerk in his hold, trying to break away, and you beg. “It h-hurts, Chan...ahhhh---please, stop! Please!” 

Finally he stops, and your body goes limp, almost falling onto Felix if it weren’t from the arm Chan has around you. As you sit there, panting and held up by Chan, he brings his other hand to your face and pushes the fingers that were just inside you into your mouth. You can barely breathe around the intrusion, so short of breath already, but you do your best to suck on them like you know he wants. 

“Good girl.” He pushes your shirt over your breasts and palms one of them greedily.  "Want me to fuck your pussy, my pretty fox?" He purrs, pulling his fingers out of your mouth, and--wet with your saliva-- he rubs them over your other breast. Despite the agonizing orgams you just had, you find yourself arching into his touch and rubbing your thighs together.

“Yes, puppy. Need you to fuck me.” 

You let out a shaky breath as he pulls your panties to your knees. You hear the sound of pants unzipping before you feel the head of his cock pressing against your entrance and slowly nudging in. You briefly wonder how you were ever able to take him. Sensing your worry, he pushes in more of his dick. “No, no backing down now. You’re going to be a good fox and take my cock, won’t you, baby?” 

“Yes, Channie.” You grit. It’s been so long since you’ve taken him, and you know this is gonna hurt despite how drenched you were. Still, you were excited, having learnt to appreciate the painful stretch now. Maybe he was right all along--he’d ruined you for all your pretty boys, trained you to crave his dick only.

He holds you still to prevent you from wiggling away as he continues to inch his dick inside you. “Take it. You wanted me to claim you and now you’re going to be good and take it.” He leans over and mouths at your neck. Instead of kisses, he nibs at your skin, the sharp pain of his canines plucking at the skin taking your attention away from the dull pain of his dick breaching your pussy. 

Once he’s all the way in, he laps his tongue at your neck soothingly. “There. Good girl.” 

You wince as he pulls his hips back slowly then thrusts back in all at once, a yelp coming out of you as his dick hits deep inside you. He chuckles, his hips picking up speed. “I have so much cum for you, you’ll be dripping my seed for days.” 

You can do nothing but whimper, holding tightly onto Felix as Chan’s hips slap against your ass and his dick pistons in and out of you. It feels like it’s the first time fucking him for how much your pussy suffers. But for as much pain it gives you, it also gives pleasure, and you feel euphoric. 

"I'll make sure no one touches you ever again. Gonna breed you everyday and make you walk around with my cum dripping from your pussy so everyone knows who you belong to." He growls, and you know he’s staring down at Felix from the way the other boy was glaring at him. “Do you want that, baby?” 

You open your mouth to reply but all that cums out is an incomprehensible garble so you give up, mouth left hanging open. 

"Look at that, Felix. I’ve fucked her dumb." He gloats, pushing your shirt up and fondling your tits. “And you thought your little dick could ever please her. She wouldn’t have even felt it after getting fucked open by me. Isn’t that right, baby girl?” 

Chan’s voice is gruff as his hips drive into you even harder, and you know he’s close. You nod, pleading. “Yes---p-please puppy---ahh cum.” 

“You want me to cum inside you? Want me to make you mine?” He growls in your ear, and you whimper, your legs buckling under you. He holds your hips up, his dick drilling into you. “Ok, baby girl. There you go. Take it all.” His dick spasms inside of you, his hot cum quickly filling up your tight pussy.

You feel so satisfied filled up like this. It feels right, and you wish you could stay in this moment forever--his arms wrapped securely around you and his face nuzzling softly into your neck as he whispers soft praises into your ear. 

But of course it can’t, especially not with the hostile cat lying under you. 

Chan is not done taunting Felix though. Pulling out of you, he inserts two fingers into your pussy and curls them as he pulls out, making the cum inside you gush out. Then he leans over you and brushes his cum stained fingers over Felix’s bloody cheek. The cat tenses up, hissing threateningly, but you quickly intervene, croaking out, “Channie…Please, let’s go.”

Chan huffs, pulling your panties back on and zipping up his own pants before he scoops you up in his arms. He sits you down on the couch and helps you put your pants back on. As he starts getting dressed too. Felix sits up, looking worse for wear but hopefully not seriously injured. You’re worried that Felix would be stupid enough to attack him but to your relief, he stays seated where he was, the both of them just glaring at each other. 

Before it can escalate beyond the dirty looks, you put a hand to Chan’s back, pulling his attention towards you. “I want to go now.” You coax, “Please.” 

Chan sighs and nods, carrying you in his arms and walking out of the apartment. 

__

When you get back to his house, Chan sets you down on your bed. 

Cupping your cheeks, he asks softly, “Do you want to take a shower?” 

You shake your head, too tired to even stand up at this point. Nodding, he pulls your soiled clothes off your body, doing his best to wipe you off before he grabs one of his hoodies and pulls it over your head. 

When he’s done, he just stands there awkwardly like he wants to say something but is unsure how to start. 

You sigh, defeated. “Just say what you want to say, Chan.”

His gaze is set on you, suddenly resolute, and he states firmly. "I want you to give me a chance." 

You scoff in disbelief. "I've given you plenty of chances."

"No.” He insists, jaw set and tone unrelenting. “You never really did. You always had your mind made up about me from the beginning. I want a real chance this time." 

“You think you deserve it after all you’ve done? You've never even apologized for any of the shit you put me through, Chan!"

“I’m sorry." He apologizes at once, with no hesitation, and you’re taken aback. “Why suddenly? Did I have to ask you for it?”

"No. I was being an idiot and a coward. I cared more about my reputation than I did about you and that was wrong.” His jaw clenches and he looks at you intensely. “But I wasn’t the only one at fault. You were no angel either.”

You open your mouth to protest but he stops you. “Just shut up and listen for once.” He shouts, frustrated, and begins pacing around the room, one hand messing up his hair while the other gestures wildly as he explains. 

“I was scared to tell people I was with you when I wasn’t even sure you were going to stay. Any time I tried to get close to you, you would always reject me. You made me feel so worthless and unwanted. You never thought of me as a real predator, and you made sure to throw that in my face every chance you got. Tell me how could I trust you when you looked at me like I didn’t even deserve to be a predator? That my mere existence was a shame? Have you ever apologized to me for that?” He challenges, stopping his pacing and waiting for your answer, but you couldn’t give him one. You just stare down at your hands to avoid his condemning gaze. No, you never apologized. 

“I didn’t think so.” He scoffs sourly,  “You know what the worst thing is? I believed you. I’ve always doubted myself and wondered if I’m weak and inept, wondered if I could ever be enough. And there you were, so contemptuously telling me that I am not."

"So it's my own fault you treated me like I was something to be ashamed of?" You ask incredulously. “That you didn’t even stand up for me in front of your friends?”

"No! I just want you to see it from my perspective for once." He yells, frustrated at how you seemed to twist his words. “That night at the studio, I thought we were getting somewhere. I thought that for the first time you were starting to trust me and respect me. That you could maybe see me as something more than the impotent predator you always thought I was. But as soon as I attempted to confess to you, you pulled back like I disgusted you. You undid everything I was trying to build with that one look.”

“So yeah, I was fucking bitter about it, and when my friends showed up and realized you were there, they fucking laid it on me, asking me what the fuck I was doing and reminding me how hard I had been on Jisung because of you before, and I just felt fucking stupid and humiliated by them--by you!”

“Still, I wanted to apologize after I’d calmed down but by then you wouldn’t even listen to me. You’re so fucking stubborn you know?” He smiles wetly. 

He waits for you to say something but you just remain frozen, trying to make sense of everything that he said. You had always viewed Chan as the dangerous party here, the one who was most capable of hurt, that you never stopped to ask if you were hurting him. You guess, deep down, you never really believed he cared for you and so you didn’t consider the idea that your rejection would affect him. 

Coming close again, he sits on the bed next to you and props your chin up to make you look at him. “But I never lied to you, my pretty fox. You are special to me and I love you.” You can see the sincerity in his eyes, but something still nags at you. 

“What about what you said to me about Felix? How you actually care about him?” You chew on your lip, worried about his answer. 

Letting you go, he rubs a hand over his face and lets out a tired laugh. “I was fucking jealous for god’s sake--something you would've been able to tell easily if you had paid any attention to how I was feeling.”

You wrap your arms around yourself, feeling defensive. “But why would you assume I would go after Felix?” 

“Because you and him make way more sense than you and I. He’s much more your type than I ever was. He’s kind and compassionate and sweet. I was terrified that you’d fall right into his arms, and I’d never be able to compete. I would lose both my lover and my best friend.” 

“Okay.” You say slowly, trying to make sense of all this new information and relating them to your own emotions. “But all of that still doesn’t excuse the fact that you completely fucked with my already tennous sense of self worth, Chan. You made me feel that for once, someone might actually love me and want me despite what I am, only for you to then immediately pull the rug out from under my feet and try to distance yourself from me.” 

“I know, and I was wrong and I wish I could take it all back.” He laments sadly, “But I was hurt too. You never made it easy” 

“You’re right. I’m sorry too.” You finally apologize, and you mean it. You never even suspected the extent to which your actions and words have affected him. You thought you were the only one who truly cared and you did everything in your power to hide that from him so he wouldn’t hurt you with it. 

“But,” You take a deep breath, almost wishing you could stop here and just forgive him and take him back. But you know you can’t. You’d just come back here again. “I don’t if I can trust you.”

"Don't then.” He answers simply and you’re lost. “I'm not sure I trust you either.”

You frown, even more confused, and he continues. “Neither of us has really earned the other’s trust. But we can try." He pauses, brushing your hair out of your face and looking you deep in the eyes. "Do you love me still?"

"Yes." There is no use denying it, you do. 

"Then let's earn each other’s trust. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you again but I can promise that I'll do everything in my power not to. I'll never hide you again. I'll do all I can to fix the mistakes that I've made and try to be a boyfriend you'd be proud of. But I need your help. You need to try too."

"I'm scared." You say in a small voice, and he pulls you towards his body, resting his head against yours. "I am too. I'm fucking terrified. But I will never forgive myself if I don't give us another chance."

You take a long pause, the world seeming to hold its breath as you make up your mind. Chan certainly is. And just that, the fact that he looks to be hanging so much onto your decision as if his life depends on it, is what makes it easy for you to choose. He is giving you what you’ve been after all this time--he’s showing you that he wants you and that he cares. And that’s all you needed from him. 

“Okay. Let’s do it.” 

The smile that lights up his face is gorgeous, and you’re sorry to dim it before it has the chance to fully bloom. “But you have to promise me one thing first.” 

“Anything.” He answers confidently as if there wasn’t anything in the world he couldn’t do for you.

“You have to promise me that you’ll forgive Felix.” 

He clearly didn’t see that one coming from the way he pulls back and his smile disappears like it was never there. “I can’t do that. He's the only one I have told what you were to me. He’s the only one that knew. And he tried to take you away from me!” 

“He’s just misguided.” You try to explain. “He’s young and restless and he doesn’t know who he is because he was never allowed to explore himself or the world. You’ve always dictated to him what to do and how to feel.”

“So you’re on his side?” Chan asks incredulously, “He betrayed me!”

“I did too but you forgive me. He deserves forgiveness too. The only reason he got so upset about the way you were treating me is because he saw himself in me. He’s scared that you’d abandon him if he does anything you don’t approve of and so he freaked out and crossed the line.” 

You swing your legs over the edge of the bed and stand up, wobbling on your feet and Chan rushes to steady you. You take the chance to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him close, whispering gently to him, “He just needs some space, that’s all. And trust. Show him that you have a little faith in him, and he’ll come around. I know he will.” 

You kiss the corner of Chan’s mouth and he turns his head slightly so he can kiss you fully. You kiss him back passionately, helping him stay grounded as he takes his time to come to a decision. 

Finally, he pulls away, eyes still closed. “Okay.”

You smile happily, eyes getting a little misty at the extent of emotions filling up your chest. And for the first time in a while, they’re mostly good. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”

___________________________

A/N: I will literally die if you don’t tell me what you think of the ending