#i can try and work through labels but queer is the best of them all

[dorianbrightmusic]

trying to label your sexuality is the weirdest process. you can trudge through the whole basket, flinging 'gay', 'bi', 'ace', and every microlabel from the box, folding each pair, trying each – and they all fit sometimes, but none look quite right. and you try the microlabels, the split-attraction model, and when you've cleared out half the box, you can see the greater nametag on the box itself, and it's simply called 'queer'. and you don't like this, because it's ambiguous, and in a cishet, allosexual, amatonormative society, sexuality is meant to be approachable, comprehensible, easy to dissect and taxonomise, right? and you try, and you try, and you try, and somehow, the certainty of each other term is just too heavy to wear comfortably. and you feel like a whole shredded family reunion full of names that don't fit.

till one day, you lay your hands on the queer box, because as much as its strange shape is terrifying, you've kept coming back towards it. you thought you craved its contents, but maybe it's the box after all. and you pick it up, and it takes on fifty different guises in the time it takes you to lift it to your chest, and eventually, it settles on some gorgeous amorphous shape. and you know it fits around your shoulders, and while you can't tell quite what it is, it's beautiful, it's beautiful, and it's free.

sometimes, labels are extremely useful. and at the same time, when the overlap is too complex, the fluidity too difficult to let settle, it's most beautiful to take on the word 'queer', in all its strange unapproachability and odd colours and forms, its inherent imperfection, its gorgeous shades—yes, yes, yes, to be ambiguous, to be an oddity, a proud and gorgeous oddity—yes, this is the joy of being queer.

[ladyinrainbowglasses]

could you not have thought of a single other movie?

This seems like a good place to explain my reasoning:

First off, I was raised in a Christian dominionist cult. I went to school in one and attended youth group in a different flavor of one.

The suggestions have been for things like die-ins, which is the absolute worst idea for impressing upon a literal death cult trying to engineer a mass human sacrifice to summon their god and end the world that things are bad. A bunch of queer people pretending to be dead in prominent places IS A VISION OF WHAT THEY WANT. Do YOU want a bunch of smug-ass pastors assuring their cultists that Glory Hallelujah, Satan just got them gross queers to act out exactly what will happen when God's Army finally murders every human being in Palestine?

It is, to put it mildly, a terrible idea.

Second, the left is currently labeled a bunch of hysterical killjoys who hate fun. The disgusting hatred Fueher Scheisshosen offers can be FUN. It is an unevolved lizard brain kind of fun, but we are a species just stumbling out of considering public executions, public torture, and public animal cruelty fun.

The majority of Americans sat this one out. The fear on our side is not working. They are not scared of what Trump might do, but they are scared of being told that they are horrible, awful people who are inherently bad because they do not actually know anything that isn't problematic.

The battle is for hearts and minds, like any good propaganda war. Constant fear and constant outrage do work. But so does instilling "Why are you persecuting these people who are giving me a good time?"

We need to be operating from the base assumption that those who are not foaming Nazis are actually scared and tired and battered from 9 years of constant fear porn on one side and constant scolding from the other. If the average American is roughly as smart as the average 12 year old in a system that actually nourishes human potential, everything becomes a lot clearer. The best way to engage a 12 year old-level intelligence is through showing them you are really enjoying yourself quite a lot.

Third, why I landed on "Rocky Horror" as a first choice.

Yes. The movie is 50 years old. It is outdated. It is offensive. It is also nostalgic in a war that is being fought on weaponized nostalgia. Shadowcasts and interactive participation were rights of passage for both Boomers and Gen X. It is a thing that people who did not bother showing up to vote are actually likely to show up for. It is a place where they come to have fun, but they are greeted with the fun of, "This is our last possible party - see, the government you just voted for or didn't bother to stop wants to ban you from being able to do this fun, silly thing that you remember doing as a 20-something. Sorry, this is our last chance to do this! Enjoy yourself!"

That gets THEM upset.

That makes THEM feel targeted.

That makes THEM feel like THEIR leisure choices are threatened.

And yes, I know that it is sickening that most people care more about THEIR leisure time than they care about OTHER PEOPLE'S HUMANITY, but it is the unfortunate reality we are living in.

The threat that all the queer people are going to be dragged off to camps is not a real, extant threat to them.

The threat that they won't be able to relive their 20's for two hours around Halloween every year is.

That said, the exact choice of film is less important than the idea that a lot of people enjoy said film, have fond memories of watching it, that it has some form of participation element, and that the people organizing are blatantly whistling past the graveyard.

Again, I was raised in a cult. The only openly queer film I had heard of was "Rocky Horror". None of the leaders went to see it, but plenty of people who were not locked in had seen it and found it fun. They knew "The Time Warp". I danced to "The Time Warp" at a youth group event, because it was the only taped song that explained how to do the dance that we had. Thank Dr. Demento for that.

If you have suggestions for any film that includes the three important elements of nostalgic fun, participation, and the threat of it being removed by Scheisshosen, I would love to hear them! Let's work together by pooling our knowledge, not eating each other alive because we are not all coming from the same starting point.

The TL;DR:

We are dealing with a death cult, mental children, and people who cannot be persuaded of the stakes with lecturing.

Every move we make as organized resistance needs to target the weak links.

After 9 years of being with an inescapable emotional batterer abusing the entire country, the Left has to stop offering snippy lectures and needs to start offering circuses that are more enjoyable than the circus the Right is offering.

IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE ROCKY HORROR.

BUT IT DOES HAVE TO BE A THREE-RING CIRCUS.

[donnieisaprettyboy]

Sorry if this is an inappropriate question but I'm having some self doubts. How did you know for sure that you were trans? I think I might be but I'm very confused if I'm feeling dysmorphia or dysphoria. Feel free to ignore if this is too personal

There’s nothing wrong with asking questions like this! :) gender is super confusing and sometimes it’s nice to have insight from other people

For the longest time I connected the discomfort with my body with trauma I experienced when I was younger. However, even as I worked through therapy and grew to a point that I am not as affected by my trauma, my discomfort remained.

Everytime I thought about people looking at me and seeing a boy, or even just looking at me and having no clue what my gender is, it made me feel kind of excited? I get heart flutter moments when I think about it.

I feel like I should add that most of my dysphoria is social. There are different kinds of dysphoria, and seeing this image is what made me realize that even though I didn’t struggle with my body too much, I had a strong desire to be seen as non-woman by society (not even necessarily as a man, just as something apart from “woman” if that makes sense).

(I cannot find the original artist for this so if anybody knows who it is please lmk)

When my friends started using he/they pronouns for me it felt really good. Even if I dress more feminine, I’m not binding, or if I’m actively trying to look more feminine, my friends still use he/they pronouns and it feels good!

My university has one of the best LGBTQ+ centers in the country, so I had a really good resource to reach out to and talk to people about. Which, for anybody reading this, you don’t have to be a university student to reach out to queer centers at universities! If you need resources, email them! :)

After quite a long time of experimenting with names, pronouns, styles, lots of research, etc. I came to the conclusion of “I’m just going to do me, whatever that is.” I use any pronouns, I dress however, I present differently depending on how I feel day to day :) people may call it genderfluid (which is fine!) but I’m personally sticking to more vague labels for my own comfort :) transmasc and genderqueer are what I use because it doesn’t feel confining!

I know a lot of this is kinda anecdotal, but I think the gist is there wasn’t one thing I noticed about myself that “confirmed” I’m trans. Also, you define what that means for you! There’s people who use they/them pronouns or different pronouns from those associated with their sex and don’t consider themselves trans! And there’s people who use pronouns that are associated with their sex and consider themselves trans! Technically because I use any pronouns, people can use she/her and that’s fine, but I’m still trans. I want top surgery, and I plan on cutting my hair into a more masculine cut, but I’m unsure about HRT. And after all that, I’m still trans!

I think this got kind of ramble-y but I really hope this all makes sense and helps to some capacity. And I encourage you to explore this and experiment! And if you decide “hey I’m actually not trans” that’s okay! Don’t be afraid to experiment and try things out :)

The trans experience is beautifully unique person to person, and your transness can look very different from someone else’s! :)

[bunnakit]

my stand in ep 2 thoughts, feelings, etc.

alright i wanted to write this up nicely but it took me... two hours to get through the episode bc i kept stopping to write notes, so i'll do my best i guess.

weird thing about me is when i watch shows and write notes for these posts i always write the notes on napkins? i have like 5 different notebooks in arms reach at all times but i really like scribbling on a napkin for the true unhinged effect.

anyway blah blah reminder i'm just a silly dude on the internet, idk shit about dick, i just like to say shit, don't take me too seriously.

also please DO NOT leave novel spoilers in my reblogs, tags, or replies without some kind of warning label. please? it seems to happen with every show i write meta for and i LOVE that people get hyped but there's no way for me to avoid it when it's in my notifications like that.

some before the actual episode stuff; after learning last week that some of the kinnporsche people worked on this it really becomes apparent, especially in the style of the intro.

the music choices also seem a bit reminiscent of kinnporsche (and a little bit of not me) which i really enjoy. it feels kind of familiar and comforting.

immediately i loved how soft this episode started, the slight stubble on each of them, the way joe speaks so softly as if afraid to shatter their little bubble of peace, etc. i also love that the show doesn't skirt around the topic of sex and the fact that sometimes sex is awkward and clumsy, especially with a new partner and doubly so when it's your first queer partner.

and then the peace was shattered with ming kissing his back yet again. ouchies.

"will tong be at the set?" he's just not even trying to hide it. he basically said 'yeah ur great and all but tong????' but DAMN if poom isn't the absolute king of microexpressions.

at this point i can't really tell if tong is being a spoiled prince (derogatory) or if he's tired of acting in general? judgement withheld until a later date.

and then we jump into this actress being a parallel to ming and OOF OUCHIES MY ORGANS. she's a fan of tong but has to "settle" for joe - just like ming. and yet joe takes the time to be kind, to soothe her worries and put her at ease, because he has a heart of absolute gold. "it's her first movie but she was left to drown by the male lead." it's ming's first love and he has been left to drown in it.

mek's acting is really endearing. this is my first exposure to him (ive seen some of his social media and really like what he stands for as a person) and i'm instantly drawn to his performance. he also pulls off a great balance of adorable/sexy.

OOH THE SHOW SAID BISEXUAL OUT LOUD. A WIN FOR THE BI'S WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

i personally find ming's jealously hilarious. what a little caricature of toxicity.

anyway, it seems to me that if ming could get over his feelings and enjoy what he has in front of him he could be part of and enjoy a very sweet family, as it does seem tong IS giving him love, just not the exact flavor he craves.

the cut to joe's training made me laugh. little oat lore dump but my bio dad was actually a stunt man for movies (which is another part of why i was so excited for this show) and i can promise you nothing like this was part of it. what do i know, though, maybe things have changed since the early 2000s lol.

(no, they're probably not any movies you know, aside from maybe wild wild west [1999]. he mostly did westerns, historical docudramas, and historical fiction.)

ANYWAY AGAIN. with this little glimpse into ming's home life we get to see that he's very accustomed to doing what he wants and getting what he wants, which makes a lot of sense when applied to his almost obsessive behavior regarding tong - and now joe. i did absolutely LOVE linin and her sassy independence (minus the 'i can buy anything i need'.)

but... girl... did you just spray perfume in your mouth?

your actions are strange and unsettling. i like that in a woman.

ugh getting into ming venting his frustrations on joe's body. listen. liiiisten. while toxic without prior discussion... i'm into it. it may or may not be one of my favorite tropes in fanfic. toxic and unhealthy as fuck and i'm here for it.

AND THEN DAMN POOM THOSE NOISES. ACTING FOR YOUR LIFE BBY -- and the SNEEZE AT ORGASM LMAAAO oh i hope that's a running bit for some comedic relief.

because we then make a SHARP pivot into "then stop me" and there's so much potential for pain and self loathing there, for joe to think "i can't blame ming, i didn't stop any of it." i'm sat.

a little side bar, but i'm enjoying the fact that while there is discussion of topping and bottoming as a narrative device there really aren't any stereotypes here. i think on a surface level people would think "oh joe is the top" (pit babe style) and the show said no actually he isn't. love that for us.

"you can even move in haha jk" but the thing is, not jk, because joe would do that for ming - for anyone - bc that's the type of person he is.

[i had to stop and have a lil snack here]

hold up is this wut out drinking with them? OH SHIT IT IS. OKAY. it didn't give us much but at least it's a little connection to him finally. we knew joe knew him from his first life, just didn't really know how.

"i missed you" and when was the last time someone missed joe? not who he's replacing or the space he's filling, but HIM?

love ming's goofy ass locking the door and going inside just so he can make a dramatic ass appearance like he's 'the other woman' or some shit LMAO.

"what's in you to make me jealous?" quite possibly the worst dialogue tree choice ming could've picked.

[joe's emotional well being -45]

[everyone hated that]

"don't be so full of yourself" something joe has never been a day in his life. "you're just a stand-in." he knows. it's not something he ever forgets.

but after all that toxicity we have ming back home, seeking out joe's food for comfort, and we finally get to see him interact with his sister. i LOVE that she knows the importance of being a little silly as a treat, one of my biggest life mottos. we also get to see more of how ming is surrounded by love that he misses out on bc of his own wallowing and self sabotage.

oh, the homoeroticism of sparring with your bestie.

[everyone liked that]

oop- joe is wearing the shirt ming borrowed while sol is wearing a shirt with the word 'fantasy.' i'm good, i'm fine, gwenchana, gwenchana.

ough. sol with too many eyes on him and none of them sincere and joe with nothing but sincerity to offer but remains invisible. oof ouch.

enter ming with more religious imagery to match last week's cross scene. something something the sin of greed? confessing your sins? coveting - idk man, i don't have any religious trauma, my family let me just do my own thing.

but with ming knowing joe's true feeling every toxic thing he does is going to be 1000x more painful and i'm here for it. bring it you fucked up little guy.

"we can't mess with each other's privacy" don't mess with MY privacy. "you can't mess around with anyone else" emphasis on YOU, not we.

and then it's driven home what a romantic joe is, both with his workout heartbreak poetry and this little lady and the tramp noodle moment. this man, again much like pit babe, wants to be domesticated so bad.

and i know we all have hated on ming, that's the point, he's been a caricature of a toxic relationship spelled out in neon letters --

but when was the last time ming laughed with someone like this?

ok im exhausted, i'm falling into bed to read fanfic, but i'm absolutely in love with everything this is doing so far. i haven't written anything as in depth as this since last twilight (pre-betrayal) so it's really nice to feel insane again.

[liffy-feelin-jiffy]

Random S5 relationship headcanons

(This isn’t a reader/canon kind of post, but there is some oc x canon sprinkled in here so look out)

Rider

It took him forever to figure out his sexuality due to him harboring some intertialized homophobia (he read too many Webtoon romance comics of infantilized queers and it grossed him out of the idea. Someone show this man Castle Swimmer it’s a good one fr). Because of this, he actually went through countless relationships with a bunch of girls that he never got attached to, and all whom were actually the ones to ask him out instead of him asking them out. Even the girls that weren’t insufferable were difficult for him to find attraction to, and that left him confused and even frustrated for the longest time. The only one time he had ever been genuinely flustered was when he was hit on by a dude… Rider certainly didn’t know how to take it and it left him spinning in his own head for days in confusion, endearment, and embarrassment. He even started to label himself as aroace for a while because he was convinced that if he was never able to find any girl or woman attractive, then he wouldn’t find anyone attractive. It wasn’t until he started hanging around with the S4 did he start to peak out of the closet a little more. By the time he had gotten closer to Goggles, he was cowering in the closet with the door off it’s hinges.

The last girlfriend he’d ever have actually ended up cheating on him with someone else, but he was surprisingly more happy than anything because he thought that girl was ANNOYING. Made fun of and talked bad about everything, but too much of a try hard in turf and ranked battles, and she didn’t not get along with his mother or sister. When he caught her cheating he was like “welp, bye bitch!” Clicking his heels like skiddly doo hehe. Had a pretty damn excuse to drop her ass like the ball on new years

Now more onto how he would be in a relationship; I think his love language is more so spending quality time, as spending time with his lover gives him some comfort. You could say his love language is also gift giving, except he just offers to pay for everything out of his own pocket. He’ll be damned to pay for anything out of his momma’s account, knowing she works hard for him and his other two siblings. Rider does know to discipline himself with his money, but let him spoil you tonight he just wants to spoil ya✨

He gets as red as a beetroot at the mere thought of hand holding or public display of affection it’s honestly so funny. He gets more mellow about it the longer the relationship he’s in, as long as it’s with a guy of course, and before you know it he’s just hugging his lover in the middle of town like there’s no tomorrow to look forward to. If you’re the one initiating, then he’ll indulge in it for as long as he can. Sometimes, if he’s getting all the comforting attention like chin scratches and cuddles, he’ll fall asleep

He’s got big hands, big and warm. He’s honestly so warm that he’ll think anyone else is cold as shit and take it upon himself to warm their hands in his

If Rider had to give his lover a surprise gift while not knowing what they’d like for Christmas, you can bet he’d get them some kind of weapon or enhancer from Ammo Knights (where he works) because it’s one of his special interests and you can never really go wrong with stuff like that. If his lover means everything to him, then he just might build them something himself from scratch

He’s typically the big spoon, but he really doesn’t mind getting little spooned every so often (more like often because he secretly likes it)

Sometimes he can be a little too blunt, even in situations when he shouldn’t be. Sometimes he just fails to read the room completely, and believes that being honest is very important so he’ll sometimes speak his mind when his input is asked, so be warned that he may end up saying something you don’t intend to hear

Best spot to date? Wherever, as long as it’s nice, calm, and quiet, like a restaurant will do (something more casual). He also likes taking walks near the Oceanfront. Wahoo world? It’s grown on him…

Worst spot to date? Haunted houses and horror attractions. Mans is gonna skiddadle on his date in a heartbeat once the dollar store Freddy Krueger knock-off walks in

Army

Wants to be the big spoon but he’s almost always the little spoon because he teeny. He does big spoon sometimes. If you ask what he is, he’ll say he’s a knife, but we all know the real answer

He often believes that he’s not attractive because no one ever goes out of their way to ask him out much—save for that one fellow who tried their luck with him only for him to turn them down to “focus on his team and league status”—but the real reason people don’t often ask him out is because they’re too intimidated by him… Also because everyone else knows that he’s a little too out of everyone’s league

He’s definitely shy when he first gets into a relationship and tries to act as formal as he can, putting on a total gentlemen persona the entire time he spends with his SO, like opening doors for them, giving them his coat during chilly weather, paying for the bill. All of that is due to the fact that he’s never had any real experience with any before and he was taught since adolescence that there wasn’t much to love about him (fuck his grand dad he racist and STINKY). However, once he gets comfortable in the relationship, he’s bout to get SILLY (AUTISM FR). He’ll gush about his favorite things like his Squidnet manual, battle tactics, and FOOD, and boy is this boy affectionate.

Yeah, he will bake for you, cook for you, he’ll become your house wife before marriage if he thinks you need one (he’s a little weird but he’s got the spirit I guess). Also, you can’t go wrong with his cooking and baking. If you’re wondering what to get him for the holidays or his birthday, there’s always a new kitchen pan or handsome apron he’d like. Either that, or get him a knife (make sure he uses it wisely).

He’s very affectionate, no shame in it either. Hell, he will probably go out of his way to show it in public because he’s that much of a proud bastard of his pookie. He loves giving ear scritches, kisses, cuddles (and with his coat? Ooooh comfy!) and will absolutely get so excited if you do the same with him. Please give him Huggies he will jump for joy. If Army’s in the extra happy mood, he might just pick his lover up and swing them around him his arms and dance circles. He is a very strong boy

He’s not too experienced in dancing, but he tries to anyway. He likes to try more formal dancing, like waltz, ballroom dance, or just some nice casual slow dancing. Sometime he’ll even initiate slow dance with his lover regardless if there’s music or not, because he finds comfort in the activity.

He’s also affectionate in the sense that he will groom his lover(s)—NOT IN THE ILLEGAL SENSE!!! He’s not attracted to children he’s no creep (he’s also killed a pedo before. I know it because he told me 😋). It’s in the sense that he pampers them kinda. He straightens out their clothes if they’re ruffled, clean the food off of your face with a napkin or the lick of his finger, adjust of brush their hair if their unkept, he cleans the crud from under their nails, and he’ll even give you a bath if he thinks you’re too stinky. Scrub scrub scrubby dub dub.

Army will need a lot of reassurance and patience from a significant other in a relationship. Due to all the of issues he faced growing up, screwing up his mental health and self esteem, he needs a lot of encouragement to boost his confidence, as well as gentle patience and comfort for when he comes up with his mental breakdowns or panic attacks, which can be frequent depending on the mood or circumstances. He’s really apologetic about them too, but he can’t help it.

He may also have his moment where he’ll get angry and easily irritated with things, but he does his best to level his anger around his SO… Unless someone gets a little too disrespectful towards them, and then he’s going in for their throat.

He plays the trumpet pretty nicely, and he’ll play for his significant other if he chooses to—which he choose to do so often. He’s not very shy about it the more he plays, and it can be rather soothing to listen to. He does get all bashful when he’s complimented on it.

Living epitome of gentlemanly. He will hold the door open for you, give you his coat if you’re cold, he’ll even be the one to pay the bill if he gets the chance

He’s very fancy with much of what he does, so anything he’d do for his lover would be very special, formal, and nice. Like if he’s wrapping a present and the wrapping tears even just an inch, he’s starting over, no matter how long it takes. Nothing but the best for his sweet heart

He is also not afraid to get hard on his SO if he has to, not in a mean way, but in a sort of tough love kind of way. If he’s deep enough in a relationship, he’ll probably lecture you a lot like if you forget your scarf, or if you nearly set the kitchen on fire from cooking something, or being too stinky so he’s gotta wash you himself. He’s brutal wife coded and he’s gonna love ya till it hurts (in a good way)

Best and most favorite spots to date would have to be vintage style places like a farmers market, thrift shopping, bakery, vintage cafe/restaurant, aquarium or a museum. Old country style stuff brings back some nostalgia from growing up on a teeny farm near a small town with his parents before moving to the ranch with his grand dad. A small drive on some rural roads or late at night in the suburbs or urban areas is nice. Take him somewhere to dance, too!

Worst places to date? Please no concerts, no disgusting 1 star buffets or eateries, or anywhere that’s filled with rude people or assholes in general. He’d rather spend a date napping at home than going out to any places like that!

Aloha

Such a damn romantic. Into everyone, trying his luck with everyone, he’s not even sure he knows his type even… if only he could keep a relationship for more than a week, or month and a half at most. Goes through bitches, bastards and non binary disasters like they’re underpants

Although, he does have to admit that he kind of does have a type for the shy and soft ones. He’s oddly enamored by their soft demeanors, or if they’re shy on the outside and spunky on the inside—he wants to be the kind of person to bring out that special trait in them to show the world. Must be why he likes Beach (Osana) so much…

He’s a total show off and he brags about everything. One time he was supposed to pick up Army from the airport with his moped but he was nearly an hour late because he couldn’t stop trying to rizz up this random girl with all of his stories of how he got that giant scar from surfing near a coral lagoon or how he got into a fight in middle school and shit

He may be a major flirt, but he takes it fine when he’s turned down, or sometimes he’s actually into those who are hard to get. Although, he really doesn’t always take it well when he’s being flirted to, and it’s guaranteed that he’ll melt into a puddle if you come across him and compliment him in a flirty manner. He also gets shy and bashful when he develops a major crush on someone, and he suddenly forgets how to flirt. It’s hilarious when it happens and the his team go to hell and back to make fun of him for it

He’s very physically and verbally affectionate with his lovers, no matter where they are. He’s the kind of person to flaunt his pookie to the world because he finds them to be so special and the world is gonna KNOW IT. Sometimes it can get smothering, but if he’s asked to tone it down then he’ll tone it down a smidge…

He’s also a little too… suggestive sometimes. It does depend on the person he’s dating, but he can get a little handsy sometimes, and maybe sneak a few dirty words in his lovers ear. He loves to make them blush 🤭

He can be so soft and gentle with his affections though. Soft hugs, caressing, kisses all over… even if it’s just for show sometimes, it can be really genuine at times and he loves being a sweet softie.

Works out for the sake of catching some attention (and gender affirmation because he trans man 🏳️‍⚧️) and also because he know he looks good. It’s also healthy in general anyway, so, why not?

Besides public display of affection, his second biggest love language is gift giving. He’s got quite a bit of money on him, and he especially loves to surprise his lovers with things he knows they like (he finds ways to get to know what they like in a short span of time)

He likes taking his dates out on late night moped rides through the city, with some nice music playing off of Bluetooth. Maybe after or before dinner? Who knows

His other favorite dating spots are shopping maaaalls. He’d take his dates out with his team or the rest of the S4, get them all acquainted with. He likes getting his lovers to become friends with his friends. He also loves clubs to dance to, parties at his place, tropical bars, and there’s also those drive in places where they serve you at the window!

Country club dates are off limits. Absolutely not. He ain’t spending no time around them blasted republicanoos (joke)

He sadly has a hard time admitting to his mistakes and getting him to say sorry and genuinely mean it. It’s sadly one of the many reasons he has a hard time keeping people around with him, unless they’re too oblivious to not notice a toxic relationship. He means well, but not only does he find it difficult to take accountability, but he’s also too shy to say it—and he’s also a major hot head and can end up being a little too snarky and mean sometimes to the point of embarrassing his dates. Is he ever gonna learn? Who knows… He is somewhat trying, but it’s not the best as of yet

Mask

Not the romantic type, at all. He was thinking he could be in the aroace spectrum, but even he admits that while he’s somewhat hesitant in romance, bro would like to have a relationship someday with someone. After all, they can’t help but find a lot of people attractive (and maybe would like them to step on him huehuehue). Of course, his attraction is more of a “look but don’t touch” kind of attitude, as he has no hope of ever catching any decent person’s eyes

They always felt like that for them to really catch for someone, they’d have to know for at least a decade or something. That was until they met Bobble, fell head over heels, and decided to be more open minded to relationships after losing interest in her just a little bit. What really did seal the deal was when they met Aloha’s roommate and caught some big feelies, especially after she turned out to be really well adapt to preventing and calming down panicking attacks… But hey, who can resist buff women? (Mask sure can’t)

Mask is more so hesitant on chasing relationships because bro is more focused on trying to find someone who can understood him for who he is, and all of who he is and his feelings. He doesn’t want to be seen as an accessory, a prize, or even as another half of someone else. Bro wants to be his own person while finding someone who matches his freak and personality, even being a nice contrast or sort of balance at that. They could use so much more balance in their life right about now…

Love language would have to be physical affection as well as gift giving. They’ve tried words of affirmation, but it turns out that they’re not so good with words. It’s just really hard to find the words to describe how much he loves you

Since bro plays the cello, he wouldn’t mind playing for you if he’s in the mood—which he often will be to do so. He’ll play for you if you’re happy, sad, angry, or nervous about anything. The cello solves anything and everything, even for himself

If his date plays instruments, he will want to hear it, including if said date can also sing. Sing him to sleep

Doesn’t mind getting sloppy with kisses. They’re shameless with it. Full tongue, all the teeth, open mouth and making the “AUAAAUALLAGAUAUGHAA” ahh noises. Even worse when bro decides to consume like 10 mints before going to sloppy town with his pookie

Has autism and if you give them some soft kisses and excite them they will start to stim with joy. Flappy hands

Bro is so shamelessly dirty with his flirts and jabs. Unlike Aloha, he will literally say what’s in his mind OUT LOUD. If he wants his pookie to ride him till the sun comes up the next day then he’s lettin them know. Be prepared

He says he’s not THAT physically affectionate, but every so often he will sneak a kiss behind his pookie’s shoulder. The longer the relationship, the more the kisses there will be

Gives love bites, like a cat but with the jaws of a shark. Don’t worry he gentle. He might get a little excited if he accidentally or intentionally draws a little bit of blood, but only a little bit. Bro would be inconsolable for days if he went to far on his lover, and aftercare is a must

Living weighted blankey. Loves to lay on they lovers

He admittedly has moments when he gets a little irritated easily and may end up lashing out if he hits his breaking point. This is due to his autism, ADHD and his depression. He’ll also deal with down days and be a little less than happy, and he may try to rely on his date to lift his spirits. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t

Similar to Army, he’s rather prone to mental breakdowns depending on the day, and he’ll need someone to be able to chase his panic and worries away

Also quite handsy but that’s when he’s more deeper in the relationship with his boo, and of course he’s more shameless about it too, unless his lover asks him to stop, then he will without another word

Beat spot for date nights? Their house; play video games all night long. Also, going to some fast food joints late at night when no one else is there will do. Not only is no one there to bother him and his date, but it’s got a nice atmosphere they thinks. Maybe somewhere that has synthwave vibes would be cool too. Thrift shopping would also be fun, he likes the gentle vibes there a lot

Worst places to date at? Anywhere loud and full of annoying people. Please don’t take him anywhere fancy he’ll feel like an ant compared to everyone else

Skull

When he found out that women were attracted to him he was quite confused, because he forgot that ladies can have the hots for him even when he doesn’t have the feels back because he’s gay 😅

Cuddle bear extraordinaire

His so big due to his kraken size, and with his big arms he will hug his pookie till the earth turns inside out

He can be a very soft spoken fellow, mostly because he doesn’t talk that often. Sometimes when he does, he’ll either speak very simply like complimenting his lover with a few kind words or he’ll get a little philosophical or poetic with what he says. He can be quite confusing but he’s got the spirit

Purrs when he’s with his lovers. He especially loves to lean down to nuzzle into the side of their head or cheek when he’s hanging with them

Love language would have to be words of affirmation, spending quality time, and physical affection. LOTS of physical affection.

His lap is the throne of the gods. You will be locked by his strong arms for century lasting cuddles. Be prepared

Really handsy kind of guy, but in the sense that he loves hand holding, hand kissing, and just having hands holding his face or him holding yours. Might even throw you over his shoulder and carry you around, so look out, he’s behind you

He is very protective of his lovers. If he thinks they’re in danger when in the presence of someone else, he will growl or straight up snarl. He tends to get a little jealous here and there, but he has better self control in those scenarios—he’d probably just wait until the perfect time to drag you off with him so you can give him all the attention.

Loves kisses on his chin, head, and his hand. He also loves to kiss his lovers in these very places too. In more intimate scenarios, he also loves chest kisses

While he’s the sweets lover, he’ll try to buy his date some sweets or take them to bakeries or candy stores as a date.

He’s not the most emotionally aware, sadly, and he has the tendency to say things he doesn’t mean or doesn’t know is hurtful. If he does hurt his significant other’s feelings then he’ll feel badder than bad

He can get overstimulated easily sometimes, but he has a hard time communicating it because he doesn’t want to potentially hurt his SO’s feelings or because he goes non verbal. He’s gotta work on his communication sadly… at least it’s never gotten too bad.

He likes to do this thing where he just finds any excuse to pick up his lovers and hold them out, whether to show them proudly to his peers or to help them reach for things in higher places. Even if he’s not picking up his pookies, he’s still reaching to grab things for them that they can’t reach. Giant beanstalk ass height having goober

He’s also very gentle with his cuddles most of the time, unless he and his lover are feeling the mood to get a little more rough and… pointy let’s say. He always makes sure to never go too far. His pookies are always safe in his hands

Best spots to date would be sweets places, anywhere with his favorite desserts, and maybe a bar every once in a while. He also likes band concerts and stuff like that if he’s in the mood.

Worst places would probably be anywhere too formal or less than casual. Vintage places he doesn’t mind, but he would rather go somewhere that he can eat at, specifically with sweets. But for the most part he’s kinda cool with whatever. It’s hard to go wrong with him

[psychabolition]

if this is too much please don’t feel pressured to answer. i just have a lot of thoughts about antipsychiarty and idrk where i stand

because, like. ive been in really bad places before and then they hospitalized me and like that was *bad*, right, i still believe thats bad

but the hospitalization put me on meds and OBVIOUDLY I DONT THINK PEOPLE SJOULD BE FORCED ON MEDS ITS UP TO THEM but also i consider my meds to be life-saving. because i no longer want to die. because i can stop having panic attacks. because there is an amount of feeling… not even good! just okay! that i never had before

and ive been in therapy that i hated and therapy that didnt work and the hospital doctor called me a “psycho”. but i also have a therapist now that i love. i consider him a friend. they don’t try to fix me or anything but i just, like. i go to therapy and it helps?

and i want to go into psychology. not psychiatry but psychology, because i want to do for other people what my therapist does for me, and i want to help people, and i want to learn about brains- the “normal” (which doesnt really exist) and the abnormal-

and i say that i am a system. and that i am autistic. that i have depression and anxiety. because it helps me to have language to understand myself. to be able to explain certain complixities of my humanity in less words than it should take and yes it misses out on the nuance but it helps, too, i think. learning i was autistic helped me.

so idk. i want to be anti-psych. because of the medical abuse and the usage of diagnoses to undermine people’s feelings. but can i be antipsych and love my medication. can i be antipsych and want to be a therapist. can i be antipsych and enjoy having labels to use for myself because it helps me learn to love whats in the mirror.

and if i cant be antipsych and all these things, then am i propsych? and for the very system that destorys and abuses and traumatizes people?

sorry for all this

im just confused

and scared.

I mean first off Im just one person whos anti psych and everyone whos anti psych will have different opinions on these subjects .

The most common anti psych stance on meds is that we should have full autonomy in choosing to take medication and in choosing not to take any meds. -this is not what reality looks like rn. Especially people with very stigmatized labels like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder are coerced into taking meds /literally forced on meds trough physical violence and coerced into staying on meds that harm them. And then other people -like for example people who are trans or nonbinary who want to transition are put through a dehumanizing process of pathologization of their queerness just to get access to HRT and then theyre still often denied access to gender affirming care . Both is awful . We always know who we are and what we need best. We deserve full autonomy on our decisions,always. You can obviously take meds yourself and be anti psych thats not a contradiction at all.

Also a lot of people who are anti psych reject the biomedical model (=mental health is the same as physical health - this includes words like Symptom/disorder and diagnosis labels like depression anxiety autism schizophrenia etc) since there is no scientific basis for calling our mental distress / neurodivergency a disorder or an illness and our diagnoses are just descriptive labels that say nothing about the cause of our suffering/behavior/feelings/ourselves in general . There has never been found a chemical imbalance, genetic defect or biomarker for our experiences of distress/neurodiversity .they came to These conclusions through their own Research .its insane that the biomedical model is still talked about as If its scientific fact, it is disproven and inherently contradictory . I highly recommend reading into current anti psych/Mad studies literature to understand how this oppressive system of hegemonic psychology operates in our current neoliberal society and why the biomedical model is still used today to diagnose us as "ill" and "treat" us . This is my perspective on the matter.

But honestly, i wont ever tell someone what words to use to describe their own experiences, how they should think about themselves and who they are - thats what psychologists do . Im not interested in doing that at all . Use the language you seem fit to describe yourself - i just recommend reading into different frameworks of interpreting your own experiences before you conclude that the biomedical model is the one that makes the most sense to you.

This is a different framework based on marxist theory

This is a different framework based on the disability rights movement

This is the biomedical model explained

Resources for psych abolition (harm reduction Guides, Mad studies, Zines ... )

This is a PDF to a book that goes in depth about the biomedical model and how the psychiatric system and its ideology is still extremely oppressive today

One thing that i firmly believe, that a lot of other people who are also anti psych dont share the same view on, is that Im convinced that you can not be against psychiatric violence and then become part of this oppressive system yourself. To me thats like becoming a cop to stop police brutality 💀Give me a Break

Thank you for your ask ! I highly highly recommend reading more into the subject of mad studies/psych abolition before dedicating energy time and money into being part of a system that youll probably despise in the end . (💀i have a degree in psychology by the way so i speak from experience)

[ohholydyke]

As a queer, pro-choice, leftist Christian interested in Catholicism, why should I be catholic despite how conservative and traditionalist the church is? /Genq, I don't mean to attack your faith or anything like that

Don’t worry, it doesn’t feel like you’re attacking my faith in any way.

I asked this question (and similar) a lot to my Catholic friends back when I was a Protestant and again when I was agnostic, and I always received the same answer: “well there’s reasons to believe in the Catholic faith. I can share mine and some others if you’d like.” It took me a while to realize that the reason I asked was because I felt drawn to the faith, but was weary of approaching it. In hindsight, I’m grateful to them for never trying to convert me, but giving me the space and resources to come on my own terms.

The short answer is…. You shouldn’t. Or, rather, I don’t believe in proselytizing and trying to convert others. If the catholic faith resonates with you, then you should follow your faith and questions wherever they lead you. If that’s to the Church, great. If that’s somewhere else, or to another form of Christianity, that’s also great.

I’m folk Catholic— I don’t pay much heed to the Church’s hierarchy or authority in matters that are in conflict with my convictions (such as their bigotry, their role in systemic oppression, and so on). That’s another path open, if you choose to walk it. I blend folk knowledge, alternate spiritual traditions, and Catholicism into my spirituality. I am not perfect by any means, but I allow myself to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t, and am confident enough in my relationship with Christ and my faith that I don’t really feel an obligation to defend the institutionalized Church for its actions or to obey declarations in stark contrast with what I believe in. I’m an anarchist, I reject unjust hierarchy and oppression, including things like colonialism of which the Catholic Church is extremely guilty of. I mourn and grieve the harm done in the name of God, and I try my best to do the work to atone for any participation I may hold in such systems. I work hard to actively reject those aspects and counter them in my faith and my life. Being Catholic and a member of the church (as in the collective universal body of Christ rather than just formalized institutions) for me means approaching the divine in a Catholic manner, and responding accordingly. It means internalizing radical love and forgiveness, caring for the poor and oppressed, fighting for justice against the wicked and the greedy, and believing in a risen savior that works through us in care and righteousness. It means believing in the saints and being in communion with them. It means leaning on the divine when my mortal weakness fails me. It means finding comfort in my creator.

All this to say: there’s more than one way to be Catholic. Don’t be afraid of what initially seems heretical. If it feels in conflict with your beliefs, reject it. Otherwise, maybe those labels are misused. You can engage in the faith while rejecting and resisting the sins committed by the Church due to its being composed of sinful, fallen men.

And if it turns out the formal orthodox Catholic Church is for you, lovely. So long as you don’t recreate systems of oppression and are focused on loving the divine and loving your fellow humans, you are already practicing holiness on earth and fulfilling Jesus’ commandments.

[compacflt]

I was wondering if you had thoughts about how Ice and Mav's politics don't fully align with their actions? There was a post where you said Ice's politics are more socially liberal than Mav's but Mav is also the one who goes out to La Jolla to hit on guys before Ice, and later again when he's broken up with Ice, but Ice only goes out with women out of fear for his honor or whatever. Same with their respective thoughts on feminism, with Mav's mild respect for Charlie (telling Ice not all women fit the stereotype) but later Ice is the one who sends Juno to Mav's Top Gun class without telling him she's a woman and Ice has a respectful friendship with Juno. I think you said Ice is vaguely on the ace-aro spectrum (demi-homoromantic) which is a sort of fascinating irony that he doesn't have the words for it whereas Mav is the one with the theories about Ice's sexuality. Though with their hypocrisies and inconsistencies this all just feeds into their characterizations of the fact that they keep divorcing their actions from their spoken words from their identities.

okay going to take this point by point

1. yes i have addressed their politics in relation to their actions before, so maybe read this post and this post before you read this one, just to see where my other thoughts line up

2. gay republicans and conservatives do exist (at the very least certainly republicans and conservatives who have gay sex in secret)

3. before maverick is a political actor he is a human being, and the characterization that we are primarily given for him is that he is impulsive and reckless and doesn’t think through his actions. As ive written about many times before—from a story construction standpoint, his thoughtlessness is his number one most important character trait. He is both thoughtlessly dangerous (his hero’s “fatal flaw;” he can’t stop himself from making bad decisions) and thoughtlessly brilliant (the navy’s best and most daring and heroic pilot). He does what he wants without thinking about it; and he makes excuses and hollow promises whenever that plan doesn’t work out (“I know better than that. It will never ever happen again;” [it happens again] “I’m not gonna let you down. I promise.” [goose dies shortly thereafter]). His thoughtless impulsiveness overrides everything else. Maybe the act of having gay sex (to address your “he gets fucked in La Jolla before ice” point) is politically subversive, but for Maverick’s thoughtless character that we are shown in Top Gun, the most subversive possible thing would be to LABEL the gay sex and think through the consequences of it. To call a spade a spade and call himself gay or bi or queer or whatever. That would be the most subversive (and with mav, entirely unbelievable imo) possible thing. That takes conscious effort of thought, something maverick is near-incapable of doing. As long as he can get away with it without thinking about it, he’s politically in the clear, with regards to his character & character arc. If that makes sense. “Don’t think. Just do.” That’s literally his motto lmfao. He represents thoughtless action as an archetype; his politics come secondary to his desires

4. Their “respective thoughts on feminism” are divided into two camps: 1. “Professional as required by the law” and 2. “Sex pest mode.” They’re naval officers in the 1980s. Whether republican or democrat, that’s kind of par for the course. How men treat women can be a performance to other men. Any respect i made them show towards women had broader, more metatextual “need to move the conversation/story from A to B” reasoning behind it. See the first post I linked for much more on that.

5. i never said ice was on the ace/aro spectrum, or if i did i DEFINITELY meant it sarcastically. That could not be further from what i believe. This isn’t something I’ve ever discussed on this blog before, but a MASSIVE part of the philosophical discussion I’ve been trying to moderate within this project over the last year is the question— “do labels even work with characters under these very specific and extraordinarily extreme conditions and societal pressures?” It’s a question I took from my time studying early American history—the contexts of certain environments, and I would definitely count the elite officer ranks of the navy in the 90s and 2000s as one of these certain environments, simply Are Not Conducive to the easier (path of least resistance maybe) ways we civilians handle sexuality and friendship and trauma. There are so many variables and external and internal pressures within an environment like the upper ranks of career navy officers that sexual orientation labels lose all nuance and accuracy. I don’t think Ice (as i have written him) is gay. I don’t think he’s straight. I don’t think he’s bi. I think he’s an unlabelable product of too many variables for labels to have any effect on how he is perceived. Which, in our society built around labels and categories, is admittedly difficult to wrestle with. But doesn’t make it any less worth wrestling with.

6. Yes, ice and mav’s hypocrisy is the linchpin of the entire story.

They’re both trying to have their cake (“honor” and moral superiority based on the harmful traditional subjective morals arbitrated by elite navy officership) and eat it too (a fulfilling relationship with the love of their lives). & the point is that they cant. they have to settle for one.

[auschizm]

This is just a ramble about medical neglect:

I’ve followed the schizophrenia dialogue for a few weeks now and I’m beginning to have another one of those “oh so that’s what they label it as” moments that I’ve had with basically all my labels. I’ve always had these differences and in some form been aware of them. But one of my biggest difficulties is communicating. I’m not non verbal but I do think I fall on a minimally verbal spectrum and language in general feels like shoving putty through the gears of my brain. So even though I try and tell anyone and everyone my symptoms they are at best downplayed or ignored. I’ve always been hyper aware of how I feel about certain things and have gotten really good at accommodating myself. But that only came after late realizations to things that where hurting me severely. Panic attacks taking me out of extra curricular, depression stopping me from going to school, adhd making me unable to focus in school, autism making me unable to hold meaningful relationships (at least with the people I know), being queer and trans making it hard to relate to peers. It’s always been a matter of my body and mental capacity being pushed beyond where it can go, a break down and slump, realizing and research on my own, and then learning to cope and accommodate myself. It’s happened so many times that I’ve built up a decent foundation for survival but doing it alone means there are deep cracks. I’m so tired all of the time and the idea that I can’t keep pushing past my exhaustion was itself exhausted years ago. I have to keep pushing, I’m the only one putting time and energy into myself so if I stop, I fall, immediately. It’s been a terrifying way to live life. Especially now, my last break down being trapped in a house in the dessert with several not well people, experiencing immense psychosis and ending up homeless for months after. I’m in an apartment and significantly better now, I’m also learning the symptoms I’ve been experiencing, that can’t be explained already, sound a whole lot like schizophrenia. I’m not sure where to go from here, I never really have. I’ve never had proper medical attention before. There where times when even obvious physical injury’s where ignored by family and professionals, addressing anything mental has been impossible. I have a therapist now but I can’t even get them to agree with me about depression, so we only work on material improvement. I’m exhausted, I love myself and I deserve better than this, but I can’t do much better.

Thank you for raising awareness, it’s genuinely made my life easier and I appreciate you a lot. Would you have any ideas for non medical accommodations for living with schizophrenia. It’s okay if not

I am so sorry that you haven't received the support and accommodations you've needed, and I am really impressed that you have managed to care for and stand up for yourself regardless. That's very impressive and inspiring. And depending on the details of your experience with schizophrenia, it might not be particularly helpful to medicalize it. Because as you've clearly already noticed, often the people who are supposed to help you don't actually help much, professionals included. And while there are definitely situations where a label like schizophrenia is a necessary evil, it is also a target that can make you vulnerable to various kinds of discrimination and bigotry. I am not telling you not to seek medical help, but I strongly encourage you to think it through first. Even though I unfortunately can't write you a guide to coping with schizophrenia on the spot.

[phantalgia]

Exploring Multiplicity

I don’t keep track of my blogs. But if I remember correctly. The last blog I did was on this feeling of "alterhuman" that stemmed from a connection to my fursona. I can't remember what I said in it. But it's really been "itchy" in my mind lately.

As with anything in my core beliefs, we are fundamentally defined by our environment and learn from it and take from it. Our identies are thus shaped by others, and the world around us. From adolesence to well into adulthood. I don’t think there's a specific core to be found. Enter multiplicity.

I've been wondering about multiplicity/ plurality. It's controversial, even amid the community at large. Which is what concerns me when discussing my own journey in getting my feet wet into some of the ideas or inspirations from multiplicity.

For safety, I want to seperate the real trauma that exists for many that come out in DID, OSDD, if those labels are helpful to you. I want to mean no disrespect and completely seperate myself from that valid experience going further. That is not what is being discussed here. If anything, endogenic systems will for the most part be discussed. Sort of...

I know someone with a form of multiplicity. It's rather abstract and the details continue to keep flowing as it changes and molds. Much of what they tell me gets me so lost that I cant even understand what they're saying. But clearly they are at least understanding for now to the best of their ability what they experience and it's still ongoing. However, their system seems traumagenic but didn't make itself known until much later in life (I could be butchering it, as they don’t talk too much about the origins of it, just hints at childhood experience).

Thinking In Retrospect and Neurodivergency

So, there's this real possibility that my doctor seems to agree that I’m neurodivergent, ADHD, on the spectrum, whatever. Well, this at least helps with validation. At least in the confines of a culture that prides itself in putting people into boxes that people in white coats do. Of course, we can get into how limiting and dangerous that is at a collective level as many people do not respect phenomonology nor the idea that maybe scientific and medical inquiry is dynamic and influenced by cultural, material, and ideological forces.

The point I’m getting at is because I didn't have the language to pinpoint a person I was. I can only look back at myself and see just a robot. A set of scripts. I think the world was challenging. So I protected myself through avoidance and acting out online.

As you get older, the brain develops, events happen, your language broadens and things start to become clearer. Which has lead me to confront the things I've been avoiding and try to understand why. For the past few days, some things have been illuminated.

I think the tools to unlock this come from alternative identites, queerness, alterhuman, and so on. And just expanding oneself and not hiding oneself. Perhaps I shrunk back down again in order to protect myself from the new experiences of disconnection that has come from a wide open spiritul connection to all things that it becomes paralyzing.

A 'System' To Make Things Work

I needed a new way to understand myself and the world. Part of what I've been avoiding is my natural capacity for systemizing. This is in conflict with ADHD symptoms. But it does occur.

I recognized that at a deep level, my mind does change into certain "modes". I don’t believe this is anything new among people. But it's become more jarring. One personality for one context, another for a whole seperate one. There might be some similarities between them, but they have distinct thought patterns, emotions, feelings, and even how strongly I can have impulse control.

So I need something new to understand this. Neurodivergency comes with the challenge of being able to switch to certain modes of being as change can be a struggle to adapt to. So going from an art mode to a music mode to an academic mode becomes daunting. Coupling that with the systemizing. I think this is why shocks of external stimuli can become so paralyzing, it fucks with the predictable nature of the environment.

Agar.io Blobs

Think of agario or microorganisms floating around. Combing and decoupling. This is how I imagine myself now. This is the idea.

So, you have this bubble I call the "me at one time". As the name suggests it resembles who I am now at this moment. Surrounding it is all the other bubbles and shapes of varrying size and brightness symbolizing strength and relavence. What are these bubbles and shapes? Everything. Every internal, mental, external thing. Moods, hobbies, objects, thoughts, tastes, sounds, emotions, everything. These things can combine together to form new clusters that can help explain an experience. Say, certain music, emotions, physical state, memories combine together to form an idea, concept, feeling, or even that connection to my fursona. Or a disconnection to the world.

Another example is I like to think of the blob of me at one time is this. When confronted with perhaps vulnerable feelings from another person. I shut down. How this looks can be a contraction of my blob down to a specific set of overwhelming and contridicting feelings and uncertainty where the useless stuff gets expelled as I contract and my bubble forms a hardened shield preventing those emotions from returning.

This is a 2D map of these things, but I have thought of it also being multidimensional. To represent spiritual or essoteric aspects, like being in connection with my fursona. Wondering if this is where new blobs can come from. Or maybe each blob has the capacity for multidimensional travel in some capacity to explain the unexplained.

However, where do these blobs come from? Well I recognized that there is only one possible source. Thats the real world, outside the mind. But the "me" (not the "me at one time") is the huge bubble that every blob floats in. We don’t know how big the "me" is. Or if it also expands and contracts. This me is represnted of as the me that takes in it all. All the unconcious. The 2D map itself is just the observer part of me.

So the outside world exists. But there must be an inbetween. This must be where things get processed, turned into thoughts, where dreams come from. So the layers starting outside are: the external world, the processing area, and the internal, then the "me" at one time.

So where do personality shifts come in? I think once certain external and mental stimuli hits the processing zone, the new blobs are formed. But then they mingle with each other as they come closer to the "me at one time" bubble. These blobs shoot at me as fast as it takes the brain to process visual info, 13 miliseconds.

But that doesnt mean they'll become part of me. Again a lot of them are stuck floating around finding moments necessary to start combining with me. Or themselves. Once they combine with themselves, they gain the size of the "me at one time" bubble and overtake me. Perhaps everything consolidates and hardens until some release happens as things get expelled, decoupled, or replaced by new blobs.

This Way Of Looking At Myself

It's been helpful in creating an actual vizualization in explaining how things feel. It's broad enough to encompass everything. It's helpful enough to understand strengths of these shifts and to communicate when I feel something different. Or maybe I’m unaware of it and need to open my map and see "Ah yes this blob has overtaken me!"

This method, for its limitations, is the best at explaining my feels of rigidness, my esoteric feelings, my ability to avoid, why I struggle to socialize as there are many blobs at once to try and understand and become overstimulating.

The next question I’m wondering is this multiplicity per se?

There's no "alters" necessarily. There is a sense of unity among this. But there's a recognition in the fluid and dynamic changes in identity and feeling of oneself. It can help me relax to some extent and forgive myself for having such jarring experiences.

What changes is the "me" state. The bubbles can combine together to form something bigger than me and swallow me but they tend to shrink to my level. Unless it is I that becomes part of their blob, then there's a possibility that I become an unconcious alter. This happens when my DMN becomes hyperactive due to ADHD or OCD like symptoms. I will recognize this as a blob that had taken up significant space among the "me at one time". This still doesnt explain personality shifts too much as many prompts in the environment cause me to switch to something else. Perhaps my map can allow me more dynamism or at least communicate rigidness.

It's helpful in understanding why my interests can be hard to engage with or change to. Because of the effort to align the blobs in such a way that helps fit the mode best fit for it. And then the systemizing that takes place.

The Other Dimensions

I think about the other dimensions. As I believe these are the places where spiritual connections happen. The oneness with the universe, the connection to my fursona. If they are exceptions of the rule of coming out of the processing zone.

Maybe they are like black holes that grow in size, sucking in different aspects of the self forming this new deeper connection. It's hard to know for sure.

Thinking Of Multiplicity as Something Natural

From Socrates, to Carl Jung. There are constant hints of multiplicity throughout human history. Tulpamancy, shamanism, and so on. It makes me wonder if multiplicity isnt all black and white. I struggle to find any compelling reason to believe that this is soley a trauma based phenomonon.

I think it helps to really emphasize the seperateness of these phenomonon. Trauma based needs to be respected, adversity based needs their space, and spiritual based needs their space. Yes they can overlap. But they need their space.

Multiplicity probably does exist as a form of social construct (because a single uniform identity sure is!). It's an aspect of identity formation. I've seen the theory that queerness as identity formation can come from trauma. So trauma, adversity must come from it also. It's all about deep introspection.

I think for the neurodivergent, it helps to explain the unexplained. It recognizes the constellation of identity to such a degree that it can't be ignored. It becomes necessary to function. It's not the only way to function as neurodivergent. But is one way.

Neurotypicals probably have a smoother time at navigating certain personality shifts as they are more able to recognize the cohesion associated with their "oneness" perhaps unconiously. To people more sensitive to these changes. Multiplicity offers a way to navigate the world.

Conclusion

It's hard to navigate the world for me. It always has been. Its hard to ignore certain things as I’m hypersensitive. I struggle with shifting modes of being because they come with energy draining shifts in thought patterns, emotions, memories, feelings, and behaviors. Some of these have things in common, it's just they manifest differently.

What choice do I have then? Live a lie or use the tools at my disposal to navigate the world in a world that doesn't appreciate the differences amongst people.

[our-lesboy-experience]

Hi, I’m sorry in advance because this will be a long ask.

Is it okay for me to use the label lesboy even if I don’t connect with being a boy/man? I’ve been debating whether or not I should use the label.

For context, I’m a trans agender person who’s identified as a girl for most of their life, before they knew they were trans. And I do feel attraction towards girls and enby people in a way that’s definitely queer, which would make me a lesbian through definition.

However, I’ve never liked the lesbian label used for me because the label “lesbian” is usually associated with girls and women, despite the label also including enby people, multigender people, and even some men and boys. Using a label that’s associated with women makes me feel dysphoric, and I’m also scared that it will make people think I’m a girl if they saw me wearing lesbian flags/pins or saying I’m lesbian.

The term lesboy does feel like it applies to me, but I don’t experience a connection to being a boy/man or things like that. I do feel like I would much rather pass as a boy than a girl, but that’s about when the connection ends.

I guess what I’m describing is, I’m a lesboy but enby/agender, if that makes sense.

So what do you think? I do want to hear your opinion, because I truly don’t know what to do. Also, if you say it doesn’t fit me, that’s okay, because I already use the neptunic label to describe my attraction towards girls/enby people.

Sorry again for the long ask, and have a good day!!

• Raven, any/all except she/her

(PS. This is my first time using the name Raven. I’m trying it out. I can’t tell what my feelings for it are yet.)

first of all, it is not up to me to decide what label correctly fits anyone because I am not them. And I mean that as a "I can't tell someone they aren't allowed to use this label," because I'm just not in that position to tell anyone that, and if they fell a connection to that label that is their business and not mine

secondly, that's actually a pretty normal way to use lesboy. it is just another term that anyone can use as a form of gender expression, to use lesboy but not also lesbian or to call yourself lesboy without actually being a man/boy is totally fine. I do normally define it through "being a lesbian with some connection to manhood/boyhood," but as a means of simplicity for what it is for most people, and by connection I normally mean in any sort of way, including like "just uses the word but doesn't actually identify as a boy." imo anyone who has a queer/gay attraction to women can use lesboy, because it can mean something different to each person. I normally think of it working similarly to genderqueer

So yeah, feel free to use whatever suits you best Raven :]

[istanchan]

Are Pat and Kawi “bad characters”?

I usually don’t go on TikTok to read discourse about shows. But I happened to stumble across this while looking for edits and it just made me so frustrated.

So op made a post about how they can’t stand Pat and Kawi from step by step and be my favorite. They went on to talk about how they don’t even understand how Jeng and Pisaeng deal with their respective partners. Honestly I didn’t really feel like talking about it but with the tens of other people agreeing with them I couldn’t stop myself.

There’s a lot to unpack here but starting off with explaining why the two characters act the way they do helps.

With Pat I feel that most people who watch the show forget that there is a 10 year age gap between the characters (and the actors). While that may not seem like a lot, the fact that Jeng is Pat’s superior and his social class plays into their dynamic and Pat’s behavior. I am more convinced now then ever that the purpose of Step By Step was to portray a realistic representation of how it would be to date your boss. It’s messy and hard to work through. Pat’s character at times is an emotional wreck, I’m not going to deny that, but he still manages to be mature even when his boss and his partner (I don’t think it’s appropriate to label jeng as his boyfriend) isn’t. Jeng completely disregards reality in episode 10, he leaves Pat to handle the brunt of the gossip. Pat after trying to talk with Jeng to mediate the situation, ends up doing what he thinks is best. His character is raw and real and messy at times but I enjoy watching it nonetheless.

As for Kawi, I feel that it’s not fair to judge his character right now since only 6 episodes are out and we haven’t really gotten to the climax of the show. His character is still growing and learning. But honestly in my opinion Kawi as a character is easier to comprehend and understand than Pat. I don’t think Kawi acts completely unreasonable. He does makes mistakes but he tries his best to fix them and better himself. Again like in step by step there is the factor of social class that comes in between Pisaeng and Kawi. Pisaeng is rich and is well known around campus. Kawi struggles to see how a guy like Pisaeng could like him.

It seems this is the common denominator for Pat and Kawi—their insecurities. And to me that’s a completely reasonable factor. For us as the audience it’s easy to rule out what behaviors we would want to change or fix with character we watch, but if we were in their shoes would act completely dissimilar? Life isn’t black and white, and making the right choices isn’t alway easy. I feel that many shows and especially these two show this.

This whole discussion takes me to this wonderful post that I think about all the time when I’m watching BL shows now:

By/For/About Queers Part 1 &

By/For/About Queers Part 2

Both be my favorite and step by step have proven to realistically portray queer experiences. While be my favorite still has way to go I’m surprised by how the writers handled Pisaengs road to discovering his identity. Talking about BL shows in the light of which ones are really for queer or and not just about queer people changes the perspective. I think this plays a small role in why these two shows may be hard to understand the characters pov. Many people that watch BL shows aren’t queer and even some who are, don’t watch BLs for to sympathize with a queer perspective. Many just use BLs as a way to escape this heteronormative world, and that’s honestly completely okay. I do it too sometimes. But that doesn’t undermine characters like Pat and Kawi or even Jeng and Pisaeng.

At the end of the day each person is entitled to enjoy media however they wish, that’s the beauty of the internet. So I don’t have any animosity towards op and all the commenters. I’m glad they have a different opinion so I can share mine.

[i-need-some-advice-on]

I need some advice on if I should encourage my partner to transition.

Okay, so I'm in a longterm, committed relationship with my partner. My partner can be best described as a closeted trans woman, but they have essentially decided that its "too late" for them to transition, they can never pass as a woman, etc, so they might as well live as a man. (As a side note they are comfortable with they/them atm)

Reasons why I feel like "closeted trans woman" is the best label for them:

1. They bring up their disphoria frequently, usually they have at least one depressive episode per month lasting around a week. The episodes are focused around "I would be happier with myself as a woman".

2. All of their OCs are women, every time they have a chance to express themselves via a character, it's a woman, and it makes them really happy.

3. Doing some traditionally femme stuff makes them temporarily happy, but is usually soon dashed against the rocks of disappointment when they start feeling like they look too masculine while doing it. (E.g. wearing femme clothes)

When I discovered this facet of theirs, I was essentially immediately encouraging of experimenting with femininity and accepting of them. However, all experiments ended with Point #3 where they thought they looked too masculine by the end of the experiment and got really disappointed and hurt.

After years of these swings between trying to "perform" as a man and experimenting with femininity, they came to a conclusion they could never be a woman who passes, and they should stop trying. I unfortunately see where they're coming from - they're extremely tall, very strongly built, masculine facial structure, receding hairline, and a LOT of body hair. Just to be clear, I find my partner extremely attractive and would continue finding them attractive if they would start transitioning. However, it seems their ideal vision of self is relatively traditionally feminine, and I do see how it would be challenging for them to achieve it with what they have to work with.

I never voiced it out loud, and was always openly supportive of them transitioning, reassuring them I would be attracted to them if they don't pass/look androgynous/look any way whatsoever, and so on.

Rn they seem to have settled on performing as a guy. They seem to be fairly stable emotionally for the last year or so and found an outlet through RP with me and OC development.

Would it be wrong of me if I keep nudging them toward transition thoughts, trying feminine things that make them happy, and so on? Or would I just be reopening a wound?

They say they're okay with being a guy and just living out fantasies, but I don't entierly believe them. Most of our sex life is built on various femininity-adjacent kinks and our OC fiction we work on together revolves around their character who transitions and builds a happier life for herself.

Some additional context:

They were raised very religious and are still dealing with unresolved religious trauma regarding other aspects of themselves.

We are currently in a very queer friendly state.

It's very likely both of our families would cut support to both of us and go no-contact if they transition. However, we plan to become entierly self sufficient within a year, which is when I plan to start bringing up transitioning again IF the general consensus is that it's something I could do without being a massive dick.

Thank you for reading!

.

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

[gingerjolover]

hi ging i know this is totally not the place for unsolicited asking for advice so totally ignore this ask if it’s the wrong place to be doing this BUT in short i’m having an identity crisis yay!!! up until very recently i though i was just a very very supportive ally, eg when homophobic things were said around me i was personally offended but was just like noooo i’m just a huge ally i’m not gay!! i love love munagenius, and not just in a “i wanna be friends with all of them!” way, i’ve had crushes on girls irl, but have just pushed them deep deep down and i’m attracted to them and i would date a girl and AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SO GAY LIKE I SHOULDNT EVEN BEEN QUESTIONING BUT FOR SOME REASON IM IN DENIAL. it’s like i almost don’t feel gay enough? literally nobody knows because i like men (unfortunate i know) and have been in “straight” relationships all my life. i know nobody but me can tell me if i’m queer or not like this is my shit to deal with but maybe i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings anonymously :p

hi baby!

this is a safe space, you’re always allowed to ramble in my inbox (that goes for all of you!)

i can’t, in earnest, sit here and write, “well if you like girls and you would date a girl, you’re queer,” because i know first hand that it’s not that easy

i was right where you are not that long ago, and i hope i can use my experiences to give you some guidance?? without making it sound like it’s all about me??

we had very similar experiences, i’ve ALWAYS had crushes on women but never realized they were crushes, i was like “no i just want to be their best friend” or “i admire them soooo much,” or “i wish i looked like them” — and while those are totally normal thoughts to have, i also actively was pushing down the idea that i, as in me ginger, could be queer, i didn’t know what queer meant and i didn’t even know that bisexuality was a thing when i was young

i had a MAJOR identity crisis actually like right before i started posting on here consistently, if you look at my tumblr in the very beginning it was literally all “insert male celebrity x reader” because i did not allow myself to look at content that i was not “queer enough” for

denial is something i ALSO went through, i can’t tell you how many times my best friends (both queer) had to talk me down about WHY i was getting so worked about about labeling myself or feeling confused about liking girls, trying to find the root of why i wouldn’t allow myself to say i was queer or even curious about my sexuality

obviously accepting yourself is hard, right? it’s challenging an idea about yourself that is different from what you’ve always known yourself. i struggled so much with this because, like you sweet anon, i was always straight and nobody knew otherwise

self acceptance/no longer being in denial is also hard because there’s so many factors. one of the biggest factors for me was i was living in an environment at the time where queerness was NOT fully accepted, i know that i was going to be unsafe (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) if i had come out. (i eventually did to one of my family members and it worked out but most of them still don’t know)

one of my other things when not feeling queer enough was like “well i haven’t had a lot experiences with women so i can’t really be queer,” and my best friend literally was like “do you tell children who identify as queer that they aren’t because they haven’t kissed anyone?” and i said “of course not!” and he sat there and let me think about it… and then was like “well yeah, see how stupid that sounds? you’re not LESS queer because you don’t have experience, like maybe it’s more intimidating for you, but it doesn’t make you less”… and it’s something i still think about all the time

i know i’m rambling and i’m kinda jumping around but something you need understand and sit with is you don’t HAVE to label yourself! the biggest reason i hadn’t come out (combined with above) is because i couldn’t label myself, i didn’t feel queer enough for any label.

i ended up (after truly months) coming out as bi (not even officially, i just started referring to myself as bisexual and posting stuff on instagram and creating my own lil community) because like you anon, i unfortunately like men😪 (even though i am actively only dating women/nb at the moment, don’t dissect this too much i am still in my identity crisis)

i guess what i am trying to saaaaay is be patient with yourself, you are queer enough, even if you’re just questioning (although it sounds like you were where i was and you’re def not but i can’t tell you that). as long as you are entering this space respectfully and your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about sweet anon.

working to get over the “my whole life is going to change” and turning it into “my whole life is going to change!!!” is a way to help with this identity crisis. any change is hard, change is super scary, but as long as you’re in a place where you are safe and healthy, living authentically, even if confused, is so much better than feeling trapped and trying to work through it alone.

i hope this makes sense, i am obviously oversimplifying a lot of the issues of coming out or identifying yourself, i am very privileged that most of my life hasn’t changed since i have come out, and i know it’s not always the easiest/safest for people

i love you sweet anon! my inbox is always open - so are my messages :)

[afreakingdork]

Oops, the qpr ask here. Clarifications at the ready.

Outside perspective, seeing it through the lens of the person that can feel romantic feeling. And getting to see how they work around it.

I've never considered half the things that reader has because I've never had to worry about it. However it does make me realize I might wanna talk to my partner about somethings to make sure they are also still ok with everything.

Nothing bad there, just an interesting perspective I haven't considered much.

Now for how it flew over Mikey's head.

When I did my research on asexual and aromantic when I found out about them, queer platonic relationships kinda popped up too. And I immediately tried to read everything I could about them.

Because I knew I had something with my best friend but we both agreed dating wasn't it. Sure, we have great chemistry. However, when we did try dating it felt wrong. So finding a label and what worked for us was really nice.

But I also made sure to take the time to do everything I could do we had boundaries even if we were exploring. Like with the; they can date anyone they want to. Or the; what are we comfortable with doing, what are we comfortable not doing. I made like an entire list and we had the conversation.

Mikey on the other hand did do his research, and asked if reader was ok with trying to explore. But he completely forgot to have a boundaries conversation. Or at least to completely consider this agreement from the other perspective.

Again, he did confirm many times that they would be ok with the arrangement. However that doesn't mean he thought through it all. He was just really excited, and valid. I was too, I almost didn't have that conversation either.

But I'm really glad I did, because it did strengthen our bond and help stabilize whatever the fuck we actually have. So, excited for Mikey to have that talk!

Hey! Thank you so much for coming back to explain!

The other perspective bit makes so much sense! Ugh, this is what I LOVE about writing. A simple assembly of words can be taken so many ways you can't even imagine. The product becomes skewed with each hand it enters and that is the essence of art! I'm truly moved hearing your perspective and I hope your talk with your partner goes well!

As for over Mikey's head, you couldn't be more right. The boundaries issue is something ongoing with Mikey even outside the bounds of their current arrangement. It's something I see occur in canon and illustrates just how stubborn Mikey can be since he often pursues things with single minded goals and doesn't care for input from others no mater how valid. Even if it's not malicious, a small misstep can lead to larger issue! Great job avoiding that pitfall! It sounds like you've got something real healthy on your hands; you cherish that, anon! You deserve it!

As for Mikey and reader talking... Your excitement won't have to wait long at all 👀

Thank you again!