#i can literally quote and never been kissed the way some people can quote shakespeare

[potato-jem]

oh cece that sounds horrible! i hate how overworked you are 😭😭😭 you would have thought that maybe a few people who have just been hired would stay... work is literally the worst. we have school holidays for the next two weeks and my rostering manager thought "let's give you only three shifts as per your contract and also roster you outside your availabilities" 😭😭😭 while yes it's good i can get a small break, but i have money to save! a car to fill up with petrol and needs a service! tattoos to put on my body! i'm going to have to use some of my leave, because there is no way i'm going to be able to support myself for the next three weeks 😭😭😭 i just need tumblr to be my job - i can't do this anymore. i have missed you too so much and i think adulthood is extremely nero-and-cece-phobic 😭😭

my bookshelf is a bit of a mess but she’s my mess and i love her (tbh so am i)

so the top left shelf is actually just all shadowhunter books :) i need to clean it out actually 😭😭 but FINALLY! i actually love i kissed shara wheeler a lot more than i was expecting. i read it about a month after it came out, because i got a signed copy :D casey has such a distinctive writing style and i love that about them! i would actually burn down buildings if anyone even thought about hurting my children. i love all of those characters so much 😭😭

unfortunately i no longer am in my routine of reading fanfics 😭😭 i was doing so well and then i couldn't find anything new to read anymore 😭😭 (i probably could if i looked hard enough) i want to read ALL the time, but i do the exact same thing and just doomscroll tiktok. it is such a bad addiction, but some of the shit on there is too good for me to delete the app 😭😭 (like an INSANE amount of rwrb edits. i have over 800 saved. no joke.) i think my brain is quite literally dead.

oh yay! i'm looking forward to see if you like it!

i'm staying abroad from the start of february to the end of june. i mean technically the semester finishes at the start of june, but i want a little holiday after and i also want to go to london pride at the end of june as well :) i'm so excited!! (the answer is absolutely both 😂😂)

RIGHT?! i thought it was such a cool idea, i can't believe i thought of it 😂😂 i need to message my tattoo artist soon because she's moving to another studio an hour away from me in november 😭😭 i'm so weak for the chain with the key and the ring, it's not even a joke anymore. it makes me upset just thinking about it 😭😭 and i want to see if i can do anything with the story that henry tell alex about the prince born with his heart on the outside of his body, and have it large enough to take up my forearm?? it's just an idea right now.

i kinda like how tattoos take time to get, but at the same time, can i just have tattoos appear on my body whenever i want them? 😂😂 oh my god, six?! what were you planning on getting originally?? and a radio silence quote and a green carnation?!?! they sound amazing 🥺🥺

hehe i'll message you privately what uni i'm going to if you're curious! and i'll update you weekly on what we learn in that class!! (i saw heartstopper on the curriculum and went NEED!) i also hate the mindnumbing lit classes. i don't mind some classes who teach older books, as long as they are books i have never heard of before and/or we are talking about it in a way that is different to normal. i just couldn't do the shakespeare class, because there was too much stuff i couldn't wrap my head around. at least it wasn't compulsory!

oh yay!!! having a permanent contract is better than nothing!! it's guaranteed hours, guaranteed pay. it's just good to have while you figure out where to go after quitting the shop :) but a trip to paris!!! that's amazing!!!!! a well deserved break!!!!! you need to tell me all about it and take photos of all the places from heartstopper! i admire your commitment to the details, even climbing the eiffel tower 😂 and it would be a good chance for paris to redeem itself for you! BUT DISNEYLAND!!! i'm so jealous 😭😭😭 all i have ever wanted in life is to go to disneyland :') and versailles would be so beautiful. you'll have the best time ever, i know it!

oh me too, my heartstopper colouring book is untouched and i'm considering just buying one just to colour and one to leave perfect 😂 biscoff cheesecake and biscoff lattes?!?! yes please 🤩 i'm giving you a big hug and a little motivation to read another book <33333

hello nero my beloved soulmate!!!

i have pride stories!!! i went to pride this saturday and it was so much fun i need to tell you all about it!!!

well first of all i really hate that i had to work in the morning because it made me so tired and it was the first weekend of sales so yea, not fun. but anyway, my friend picked me up at 3pm and we got to florence. we had to park pretty far from the meeting point and then take a bus, and it was amazing because we were totally lost looking for that bus and at some point we see a bus full of people with rainbow flags, glitter, signs, flower crowns, rainbow stickers and temporary tattoos and all of that. and we just went in, no questions asked. we just figured we’d follow them out of the bus too 😂 i love our people honestly. we were so colorful

anyway we got to the meeting point and it was deadly hot. i swear there were like 45 degrees. but it was so amazing to be around all of those people dressed in all colors and wearing all sorts of things we’d usually be judged for, it felt so safe. except that there was a religious protestor so we got to give him the finger like the heartstopper cast did :)

also my sister came with me. she’s always so supportive and it meant the world that she came with me. anyway the parade started and there were some amazing floats. there were rainbow families, drag queens, all the lgbtqia+ associations from our territory and we started walking behind this float that had amazing music, so we started dancing and singing and it was so much fun!!! we got to talking with some people, there were some amazing signs that were just perfect and i had to go there and tell them how much i loved them :) it was just so fun, i loved meeting random people and it was just the perfect environment. at night there was also a dj set and a band singing to keep the show going!!

then when we were walking back to the bus stop at night we got the whiplash of not being surrounded by queer people anymore. we got catcalled like fifteen times in the span of three minutes. i kinda wanted to punch everyone because we had such a perfect day and i hated that we had to go back to the real world where people are shit 🥲

but still i got so many amazing memories and now all i want to do is book a flight to london for next year and have you come with me so we can celebrate together and see the heartstopper cast!!!!

also, i got a new tattoo yesterday!! and i actually had red white and royal blue with me to distract me so i almost finished the book again and cried in from of my tattoo artist lol it took me the whole day again and it was so painful but so worth it!!! i got medusa on my leg 😻

also, as to our previous letter i just wanted to say that of course i believed in you!!!! i knew you could do it!! but i can definitely believe you had to close your eyes to open that message 😂 getting grades back is always so stressful!! now manifesting a spot for the exchange 🕯️🕯️🕯️ i really hope you get it!!! it’s an amazing experience, you’d definitely love it!!!

and i’m really glad you found someone who specialises in what you need. it can take a while to find the right therapist but i hope this one works out!!

(i’m also writing down sydney and melbourne for when i’m rich enough to visit 😂 i literally booked a flight for august and my bank account kinda yelled at me to stop spending money i don’t have lol)

anyways i’m really sorry i’ve been away for so long, i had a crazy week between the beginning of seasonal sales, pride and the tattoo appointment. i kinda didn’t have time to do anything 🥲

i’m giving you a hug and some homemade chocolate chip cookies with biscoff cream on top <33

hello cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

oh my god i've been so excited to hear about this!!!

that sucks you had to go to work, boo!!! but at least you were off early enough to still go to pride!!!! and how cool that you got to share the experience of going on the bus with all the queer people!! i bet there was no straight and/or cis people on that bus 😂😂😂 just follow the rainbow!!

hot days are the worst, but pride would have made it so much better. i would not be focused on how sweaty i was or the temperature with the amount of queer joy happening around me! it's so wonderful that in a parade full of people and colour that you were able to feel so incredibly safe, and it would have been such an intimate moment for you! and fuck that religious protestor, i'm so glad you gave him the finger. the heartstopper cast would be so proud of you :')

oh that warms my heart that your sister came!!! that was so nice of her to come with you!! the floats sound amazing, and the singing and dancing!!! i am feeling some of the joy through my screen!! seriously, cece, this sounds like the most incredible time. i want to cry just thinking about you having so much fun with your friend and your sister, celebrating your queerness and talking to new people and singing and dancing like there's no one else around 🥲🥲🥲

the trip home must have been so dull in comparison! and how dare those people catcall you, i hope you gave them the same treatment as that religious protestor because seriously what the fuck.

the only thing that matters now is that you had a safe and wonderful time at pride and you can cherish those memories for the rest of your life! and yes, we must do it!! i will literally stay for an extra month just to go to pride in london with you <3

oh my god yay!!! i bet the medusa tattoo looks so cool! and yes reading rwrb while getting tattooed is properly not your best idea, but i'm already rereading rwrb any chance i get to annotate it fully before the movie so i can't say much 😂

okay, cece, i must let you know, because i said to myself i would let you know as soon as i could. but this morning, i woke up (quite late actually). i checked my watch for my notifications. i see an email waiting for me. i die a little inside realising it is from the exchange team at my university. i run out to grab my phone from where i charge it. i speed past my mum. i unlock my phone. i open my email and click on the newest one. and.... I GOT A SPOT EARLY!!! AT MY FIRST UNIVERSITY TOO!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? i'm still in so much shock and i thank you for your manifesting and belief in me!!! oh my god i have so much to do before then (mostly saving money ngl 😂) but oh my god cece, i'm going to england for exchange!!!!!!

me too!! i just need to find the time to get a referral, so i can go and see them!!

(literally sydney and melbourne are lowkey expensive, but it is totally worth it!! and i would be more than happy to tell you where to go and where to stay! <3)

do not apologise!!! we are all busy! i am literally working the equivalent of a full time job over the next two weeks and i'm also dogsitting over the weekend :') pray for my poor soul.

i'm giving you the biggest hug i hope contains the same warmth as pride and i'm fighting off your customers so you can have a few moments to breathe <3333

[softnoirr]

are there any authors or fics (doesn't need to be t&c) you would recommend reading? your writing style is truly incredible so am curious what you like to read

hm. hm. I have no tc recommendations because the last tc fic I read was on a scale of one to ten and i believe that was. two years ago lmao. Also outside of fanfiction which I do not read as often as I once did I think the last five books I've read have all been either poetry or essays, so I think thats probably more of an indicator of where my style comes from, BUT!

my guilty pleasure is mafia and/or spy AUs because I am an action movie fan at heart. honourable mentions in that genre include; the deep end (gets trauma in a way fanfiction rarely does), fall and fixture (masterclass in characterisation), this thing of ours (this only 20k but it feels like 70k and i mean that as a compliment), officer of the watch (adjacent to the genre but. something something trauma)

these are all great but I don't recommend them unless you want to feel profoundly sad for the rest of the evening; Adorned (do not let the summary deter you), Still and Again (gave me a stomach ache, literally made my teeth hurt), A Long, Long Getaway (also anything by mcspot), And Never Been Kissed, steal the air out of my lungs (make me feel it), three rounds and a sound, Once More With Feeling, sweet kisses I’ve got to spare

[astronomoney]

i lost the ask for this so i had to improvise

Request: Hi! Your fics are so fun to read!! And i was wondering if you could do 1 and 8 for the fluff prompts for Jason? Thank you you’re wonderful <3

Pairing: Jason Todd x reader

Prompts: Prompt list ☁︎1- "You look really cute in that sweatshirt." ☁︎8- "Your hair is really soft."

Summary: Jason Todd pays you a visit while you're recovering from a slight cold, and he brought you food!

Warnings: Like one curse word

A/n: babes you flatter me 🥰 also I head cannon that jason is a soft boi™️ and i will write him as such. you can't stop me. and you can’t convince me he doesn’t read shakespeare (Masterlist)

Word count: 1k

Tag list: @battlenix

Sick Days

Falling in love was never part of the plan. Neither was getting the flu but life just loves to throw curve balls your way. That's how you ended up laying in your dark room with dirty tissues spilling out of your trash can and your curtains drawn.

It had been nearly 3 days since you'd gotten sick so you were in the recovery stage but that didn't make your day any better. You hadn't had a proper night's sleep all week and despite feeling your fever breaking you were no closer to rest. You tossed and turned under your covers trying various different methods but nothing seemed to pull your mind into the depths of sleep.

It felt like you'd been laying there for an eternity. Looking over at your clock you realized that eternity had only actually been about 7 minutes. You groaned loudly and pulled the blanket over your head. That's when you heard a soft knocking coming from your window.

You flipped the blanket off your head and you looked towards the sound. It was only 3 o'clock in the afternoon so the sun was still shining through the thin curtains, showing the silhouette of your favorite person ever. You kicked the blanket off and tried to get out of your bed but tripped and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Fuck," you cursed, untangling yourself from the blanket. The wind was knocked out of you and you cough lightly before jumping up and rushing across the room. You opened the curtains with a wide smile plastered across your face.

There he was. Your very handsome, surprisingly romantic, and all around adorable boyfriend of 11 months dressed in a dark blue Superman hoodie (to spite Bruce no doubt) and holding a bag of your favorite food.

You pushed the window open letting a refreshing cool breeze into your otherwise warm room. The giddy smile on your face only spread when he ducked through the gap.

"But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" He quoted, handing you the bag of food with a casual smirk adorning his features.

"Romeo oh Romeo, what would I do without you?" you took the bag and leaned up slightly to press a quick kiss on his cheek.

"Starve most likely," he shrugged, moving his hand to cup your chin and bring you in for a real kiss.

You stepped back and looked at the S design on his chest. "Wow the super logo? What's your dear old dad done this time?"

"Not everything I do is out of spite you know." He quipped.

"Well that's definitely a lie but whatever," you shot back, smirking. "I think you look really cute in that sweatshirt,"

Placing the take out bag on your desk you took a look inside. "How was the mission?" he'd been gone the past few days helping a friend of his with some evil psycho. You always worried about him when he went to face people like that but you knew the other heros would look out for him. Plus he promised he wouldn't be dying again anytime soon and he always kept his promises to you.

"Ugh boring," he sat at your desk chair and leaned his head back dramatically. "I was just a distraction because I had the loudest guns." He twisted side to side while you put the take out on the desk.

"Well that's what you get for throwing your silencers at Penguin," you laughed. When he first told you about his double life you didn't believe him but the more you thought about it the more it made sense. Late nights, mystery scars, not to mention the literal Red Hood suit.

"That was one time!" He defended kicking you lightly with fake offense in his voice.

You laughed and kicked him back before returning your attention to the bag. "The fact that it happened at all is still absolutely hilarious," You handed him his container and a plastic fork.

That's when you were reminded of your sickness. You sneezed 3 times in a row and Jason handed you a tissue. "You're such a disaster," he laughed at the expression you made inbetween sneezes.

"It's not funny! I've been sneezing non stop for 3 days! It's so annoying," you complained, opening the food and plopping on your bed. "Seriously, you'd think i'd have gotten better by now but no."

He laughed again and sat next to you. Wrapping his arms around your waist from behind he pulled you into him so your back was resting on his chest and his back was resting on your wall. "I'm surprised all your complaining hasn't fixed it yet." He set his food on the bedside table so he could eat and hold you at the same time.

You gasped and smacked his leg. "Asshole. I'm allowed to complain if i want to and you're the lucky bastard that gets to listen!"

"Oh yeah, so lucky," he joked, clearly trying to get a rise out of you and clearly succeeding.

After eating some and talking for a little while you put the half empty container on your table next to his much less full container. You leaned back into him and adjusted the blanket so it covered your legs. The steady rising and falling of his chest was calming. He was there, with you in that moment and you felt so strangely complete.

The two of you sat in silence for a few blissful minutes and somehow ended up laying down. You had reached your hand up to rest on his neck and you twirled a strand of his hair between your fingers.

"Your hair is really soft," You hummed, your eyes closed and you body relaxed. He hummed back and began tracing random shapes on your arm.

That was the first nap either of you had taken in a very long time. It was also the best nap either of you had taken in a very very long time.

[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!

[lokigodofaces]

thoughts on loki ep 3: lamentis

under cut for your convenience

my first thought when i saw C-20 at the beginning was the Framework...i might be a bit too obsessed with an aos/Loki crossover...

C-20 was sorta able to find out something was wrong. from what Sylvie said, that's pretty impressive.

i wonder if Sylvie uses magic similar to Wanda's. like if Wanda just uses it on a bigger scale. the mind illusions thing checks out. and i saw on youtube that another patron looks like Evan Peters, so maybe they're connected? but most likely they just hired a dude that happens to look like Evan Peters.

going back to that, the glitch in C-20's illusion was like the glitches in WandaVision

if this really is similar to Wanda in canon, that means Sylvie and other Lokis might be nexus beings (y'know, the very thing i shout about in tags because i want)

Okay, so Sylvie tried to enchant a minuteman, which means she must have assumed the TVA operates on the same physics as the timeline. So neither Lokis thought magic could possibly be impeded.

good action sequence with Sylvie and minutemen and Sylvie and Loki

dudes...Renslayer can't fight. she literally did a horrible job.

Sylvie really thought the TVA valued Loki and that they really wanted/needed him to stop her. so she threatened to kill him, just for Renslayer to give the go ahead. shows how little the TVA cares and it echoes Odin.

Lamentis 1 sounded cool because that is a very sci-fi-ey name. It means the star the planet orbits is called Lamentis and the planet is the closest planet. That's how we name lots of planets outside the solar system. so i appreciated that.

okay, lamentis is literally just the bi flag. but still lots of purple so i will claim it as ace as well.

teleportation! and actual magic! yay!

okay, are they setting up a Loki/Sylvie romance? the way they framed the two when Sylvie tried to enchant Loki was how it's often done with kisses

Sylvie said with strong minds she has to do what she did to C-20 to enchant them, but she couldn't even do that with Loki. Which shows how powerful Loki is and how powerful the mind stone is.

i will die for more of Loki and Sylvie being chaotic together

Sylvie she said is an alias. Does this mean she is genderfluid but is female more often than male? i'm told some genderfluids are one gender more than the other, and i've considered Hiddleston's Loki to be predominantly male. Could Sylvie be the other way around? & born Loki but haven't changed her name? or have different names for different genders? and doesn't want to be called Loki when she's female because that's not her name as a woman?

literally i can't tell if they're setting up romance or sibling stuff.

i never thought i'd hear the word "savvy" from Loki. but, hey, if Jack Sparrow can say it, i'll allow it.

the effects for the gun that woman used look similar to Daisy Johnson's quakes. for a second i hoped for an aos crossover, but then i remembered that marvel hates it's non-Disney+ series.

i like the differences between Loki and Sylvie. Loki is less confrontational and more likely to mischief his way when Sylvie is more likely to rip the bandaid off and get it over with, if that makes sense. i think that Sylvie might just be so tired from living on the run, only going to apocalypses that she just wants to get it over with.

love is a serious theme throughout this episode. again, are they setting up a Loki/Sylvie romance? or will it be platonic or familial or something else?

Loki is very clearly not okay with the fact that so many people are being left to die, and i'm here for it

so the whole thing to get on the train i think is setting those two up to be a good duo. between illusions and enchantments, they can do a lot. and Loki was able to get them part of the way, and Sylvie the rest. i think it could be foreshadowing both of them needing to use their skills to work together.

never have your back to a door, i guess

Sylvie's reaction to Loki saying he wasn't told he was adopted. man, she was worried. she knows that that is messed up and i think she feels bad for Loki. she's probably imagining how her life would be different if she didn't know she was adopted.

sounds like Odin and Frigga weren't the adopters of Sylvie. Maybe the Lushtons? i don't know anything about them, just that Lushton is Sylvie's last name in the comics. so, yay for her for not having trash parents. unless they were, then sorry for Sylvie. at least they told her she was adopted. but if the Lushtons adopted her, how did they fall across a frost giant? especially the daughter of Laufey?

i've seen suggestions that the post man Sylvie is with could be Stan Lee since a couple cameos were of him as a post man. Maybe a younger post man, but he has less of a lifespan (if he is actually human in universe. i still like to think of him as the One Above All who just really likes to see the drama of things) than Sylvie, so she could be with him for a long time. maybe that's why Stan is always cameoing. he's just trying different things to try to find his love. and maybe he has a longer lifespan (he was in First Avenger) but not as long as Sylvie's so she still was there for most his life but he's dying soon. I actually like this headcanon a lot, i think it's sweet.

YAS BISEXUAL LOKI YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM! but i'm also scared my parents will find out. they're anti-queer. my siblings saw it, & they aren't supportive either but they operate on an "ignore it" policy, so they don't really care as long as it isn't a big deal.

also it is heavily hinted Sylvie is bi as well.

yes, i will continue to headcanon Loki as greyromantic and asexual. deal with it. i will change my language from panromantic to biromantic since the director specifically said he was bi.

also, it sounded like the director might be bi as well. good for her, taking a character she saw as bi and literally making it canon.

i knew Tom could sing, he was on Broadway. but i had never heard him sing i don't think. he has a good voice. petition to make a musical with Loki. watch the episode "Duet" of The Flash. i want something similar to that. can Sophia sing? throw her in too if she can!

translation of the norwegian suggests romance between Loki and Sylvie

was i expecting an "ANOTHER" reference? no. am i glad we got it? yeah, that was a nice touch.

turns out "full" means drunk in Norwegian according to a youtuber? but don't quote that. Loki says he's full, not drunk at one point.

what were they serving on that train? Thor couldn't get drunk on Earth. heck, Steve couldn't. so it must've been a heck of a drink they were serving

ok, the dagger metaphor i actually really liked. could be a shakespeare reference?

the fireworks thing with Frigga was cute

okay, i don't like Frigga much, but this has confirmed that Frigga was, maybe possibly, better than Odin. Frigga at least believed in Loki. but then her betrayal was so much worse.

wait, i just realized. Loki gets a fight scene on a train. a superhero genre staple is a fight on a moving vehicle (bonus if it's a train). yay! Loki hasn't had this trope yet in any of his appearances. off screen before Infinity War, and i don't count his attempt to murder Thanos on the Statesman. but we can add that to his list of superhero tropes.

i feel like the TVA needs to make stronger tempads...

okay, Loki threw the dagger horribly because he was drunk, right?they aren't saying he has horrible aim, are they?

falling out of a moving vehicle is also a superhero trope...at least it went better for them than it did Bucky

i relate to Sylvie screaming in the middle of nowhere

Loki being gentle with Sylvie and letting her talk to him. gosh. i love it. was not expecting to see Loki from my fics make an appearance.

Sylvie explained the enchantment to Loki, which i think was a poor decision for her.

she said C-20's mind was hard to navigate to her original memories. maybe the TVA does something to the TVA agents that join them. maybe if Loki proved useful, they'd do it to Loki.

or maybe variants lose memory over time. Sylvie says something about her memory being like blips of a dream, but I don't remember the context. maybe over time variants lose their memories and only retain a few things. Sylvie is well down that process, Loki has had hardly any change, and those working for the TVA only have a few things to remind them.

Mobius absolutely was a jet ski enthusiast in the '90's when he was arrested, and he loved Josta.

Casey liked Boku juice, a sign he was from the '90's.

whoever makes the uniforms is from whatever period that style of suit was popular ('80's?).

if anyone isn't a variant, it's Renslayer. she knows more than she should, i'm sure of it.

C-20 likes margaritas now, i'm sure of it.

Mobius has an interesting relationship with Renslayer. I wasn't sure if it was romantic or what. Maybe Renslayer looks like his lover from the '90's so he is flirty with her because of the faint memories he has.

Loki immediately catches on to the TVA agents not knowing they're variants. they think the Time Keepers created them. he knows that, Sylvie didn't. this immediately tells Loki that the Time Keepers are messed up.

possible redemptions for Mobius? B-15? C-20? when they find out they're variants?

so does C-20 know now? she kept saying "it was real" when Mobius found her in Roxxcart. maybe she had dreams of her life before, and Sylvie showed her that they were real?

the whole scene in the city was wild. so much color, lights, people, action, it was wild

Loki being protective of Sylvie, helping her up and wrapping his arm around her, i'm here for it.

loved the bit where Loki used telekinesis to stop the tower from falling on them.

there was a bit where Loki and Sylvie fought & their moves mirrored each other and gosh that was a nice touch.

Loki's reaction to the Ark's destruction. standing there in defeat while Sylvie walks away. wow. Tom. you are amazing.

and what the heck why did the episode end there?

can't wait for the next episode

more of TVA being evil being shown, loving it.

really, is Loki/Sylvie a thing? i have a hard time seeing romance some times, so let me know.

can we please get a Kang tease?

great lighting & cinematography. beautiful. lovely. also good action. shout out to the stunt doubles since they don't get enough credit.

okay let Loki & Sylvie be friends (or lovers, i'm fine with that) and let them burn the TVA down together.

aaaaaaaaaaa how are we half way through?

also, have the TVA fixed all the messed up timelines yet?

oh wait i gotta talk about this. the minutemen don't remember their names. i doubt Mobius's name was Mobius Mobius Mobius. Casey is probably not his real name. The Clone Wars fan in me was already screaming, but now it is even more.

[mikeshanlon]

iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

 Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

 But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

[melancholy-smile]

The burn of the Satanic Church.

(In this the satanic church didn’t change- it stayed a satanic church throughout the years.

I literally didn’t know how to title this, I first wrote on a google doc, and just called it ineffable husbands-

Anyway, Based on my post, for the reason of talking to my friend @eektheart about it after.

I am not the best writer and I’m fucking dyslexic as all hell- but here, please enjoy!))

Crowley sauntered through the grass to the church, while Aziraphale took the pathway, even in this kind of situation he’s proper. He shook his head slightly. They both stopped as soon as they got in the entrance, the place gave off a weird feeling to Crowley. Crowley noticed from the corner of his eye Aziraphale shift almost uncomfortably. He’s probably nervous, what if they don’t have the damn records? Would a satanic church even keep records? Crowley began walking first, and Aziraphale followed shortly after.

Now, Aziraphale would like to say “do you think you could handle this without me? After all this is a Satanic church, unholy ground.” But, that’d be rude, wouldn't it? From the tips of his toes, to half way up his shins he felt like he was walking on fire, it burned. He tried not to make it obvious, like Crowley doing his dance when he entered the holy church.

As long as he kept walking he’d be fine. Aziraphale quickly went through the doors of the church and it burned more. From the halves of his shins up to his thighs now. He had almost a bounce in his step- they had to find someone who worked there fast and get the hell out.

Crowley noticed how quickly he entered the church, and the weird way he was walking. He just sauntered forward, he was Aziraphale, Aziraphale was always at least a bit strange.

Crowley kicked open one of the doors and looked around, no one, so he continued. He did though notice Aziraphale sort of twitch when he stood still. What was happening to his angel? He turned to Aziraphale.

“You alright?”

“Perfect, all tickety-boo!”

Crowley rolled his eyes behind his glasses. He turned away and kept walking. Again, heavens. “Tickety-boo” what in the absolute hell did that mean?? Crowley, with eyebrows furrowed kept mumbling “tickety-boo?”

Suddenly he got a wave- of something. He wasn’t quite sure what it was but- it was like he was in hell. The same feeling he got when he was there. It hit him like a ton of bricks.

Aziraphale was in pain, the same pain Crowley felt when he went into a holy church.

He turned around swiftly with eyes wide, grabbed aziraphale by the arm and rushed him out. Aziraphale was stumbling, trying to keep up, while confused.

He took him right past the entrance to the Bentley and shoved him against it.

“Aziraphale- fucking- Tickety-boo? You’re in pain! Fuck, it’s a Satanic Church. Why didn’t it hit me sooner?!” Crowley was holding Aziraphale still but wasn’t looking at him.

“My dear, you did it, for me, first.”

Crowley snapped his gaze to him. “Angel you idiot- it was a matter of your life or death!”

“Crowley, we need to find the boy. This is a matter of Antichrist, bringer of Armageddon, remember?”

“Angel, I can do this on my own-“

“If you went into a church for me why can’t I for you?”

“My life isn’t on the line! Yours was-“

“You’re my friend I can-“

“Now I’m your friend?!”

Crowley let go of aziraphale, while aziraphale couldn’t make out his full expression from his glasses. His eyebrows made him look angry, but he very well could be teary eyed. They both went quiet for a few minutes. Aziraphale looked confused, a bit saddened, and surprised. He really did call Crowley his friend didn’t he.

“You’re my best friend Crowley…”

Aziraphale swallowed hard as he continued looking at him. Crowley took a step back, put his hands in his jean pockets, and looked at the ground.

“As you are mine angel, but I can go in myself. You don’t need to be in pain.”

“Why can you do something that I cannot-“

Crowley stepped forward, closer to Az, and sort of threw hi hands up to the sides in frustration.

“Because I don’t need you hurting because of me when I can stop it! You don’t deserve to be in pain.” Crowley’s voice started to waver, “You’re an angel, you’re pure Aziraphale…”

Aziraphale was silent. He was shocked, and he could feel his face getting red, as his face burned, but this was a good kind of burning.

“Crowley, I hope you understand, that is a nice thing to say.”

“Angel-“

“Crowley.”

They stared at each other, aziraphale especially knowing not what to say.

“Deep down you are nice, though you are a demon.” Aziraphale chuckled slightly, “if you’re capable of kindness who knows, maybe you’re capable of love.”

Crowley seemed to grimace. “I know I’m capable of love Angel.”

Aziraphale smiled. “That’s incredible Crowley.”

Crowley took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose while he closed his eyes.

“It’s annoying if you ask me-“

“How so?”

Crowley snarled a bit as he snapped his eyes open. He grabbed aziraphale by the collar and pulled him close.

“Because I’m in love with you Angel! And every damn day, I know I should not! To quote you, “I am an angel, you are a demon, we are hereditary enemies!’” His voice started wavering a bit again while Aziraphale could now see the pain in his eyes. “I don’t want to love you because how could you love a demon??”

Aziraphale stood in shock. Crowley looked into his eyes for something- anything else- but all he found was shock. He pulled away.

“I’ll, go inside, get the record and if you wish I’ll give you a ride back to your shop. I’ll send information through letter or phone calls, because trust me I would understand if you never want to see me again…”

Now pain was in Aziraphale’s eyes and he panicked when he saw Crowley walk.

“I could love a demon because of his own demonic mericle, just for me, just because of some books!”

Crowley stopped.

“I could love a demon because maybe then Shakespeare plays weren’t great, but they made sure to make a “miracle” that people would show to hamlet!”

Crowley turned and his face turned slightly red.

“I could love a demon that save me from being executed for being an idiot, dressing as I did, during the French Revolution, just for some crepes!”

Crowley huffed and smiled a bit. He walked slowly toward Aziraphale. He put his hand on Aziraphale’s cheek and smiled more at him.

“I knew I didn’t just fall in love you for being an idiot and giving away your flaming sword.”

Aziraphale laughed and stared at him.

“That’s- it’s been that long??”

Crowley nodded. Aziraphale felt so lucky that Crowley didn’t put back on his glasses. He could see the love in his eyes.

“If I’m an idiot so are you- I love a demon who goes 60 in central London-“

“Oh stop it you-“ Crowley leaned forward a bit, but stopped. He looked a bit hurt.

“Do I really go to fast for you Angel?”

“We’re on our side aren’t we?”

Aziraphale pulled on Crowley’s collar till their lips connected. It was a kiss, and it felt blissful.

[privateguerin]

I bet y'all can't wait to see me have an emotional breakdown so here are my feelings on 1x06

-just... hitting us right off the bat with some good old Michael Trauma™, huh? Okay, cool cool cool cool

-btw the baby pod squad is cute I don't care they've just killed a man. he deserved it anyway

-JESUS CHRIST PUNK EMO ALEX I,,,, CAN'T

-was I. Was I right. Were Isobel and Rosa lesbianing

-OH MY GOD THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS

-"you really do live in your truck" "all the rumours about YOU true?" OUCH

-baby Malex is already gonna make me cry and we are eight minutes in let's keep it going babyyyy

-Max is such a fucking mess shdggs Isobel making fun of him is a mood

-oh shit was Iz making friends with Rosa during blackouts

-shddhfdkhd Mr Ortecho threatening Kyle is so iconic

-teen pod squad is the only thing I care about

-goddamnit Kyle

-FUCK HIM UP ALEX

-shfdhfdhhfs I bet you Iz was being mind controlled or something (by the hypothetical fourth alien I guess) which is unfortunate

-Max quoting Shakespeare? I love one man

-also uuuh baby Echo is also super cute!!!! I would die for them!!!!!!!!

-I haven't really been paying attention to the time taglines so I can't tell if the fact that we've moved to June 2008 means we've moved back or forward in time but for the sake of my sanity I'm going to assume it's forward

-I'm so happy we are getting awkward baby gay disasters Michael and Alex

-Michael's dramatic gasp at Max saying he'll ask Liz out is still one of my favourite things ever

-"I know those moments" OH MICHAEL YOU BI DISASTER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

-FOB reference we really are bringing back the 2008 spirit

-oh my god I'm beaming baby Echo is!!!! Wonderful

-god the kiss WAS in the ufo museum I can't believe my fic is canon

-shddhds I listened to this song so much while making a gifset that it kind of gives me war flashbacks now

-can't believe we've actually been blessed with the first Malex kiss I'm gonna cry

-also I love that first moment of hesitation where you can see Michael being like "okay how do I put this into words" and then he just goes fuck it and kisses Alex I'm so emotional

-also anyone gonna point out!!! Even more Echo/Malex parallels!!!!!!! It's almost like... they're the two big love stories of this show

-omg awkward giggly baby Malex is EVERYTHING, I'm DYING

-Echo planning their first date as a long ass road trip shdghjn I freaking can't

-oh NO

-NO NO NO NO NO NO

-jesus christ I always saw Jesse Manes breaking Michael's hand as the worst case scenario but I was RIGHT and I am. So fucking sickened

-I had made a list of ways to insult Manes for this episode but I'm so disgusted that I can't even think of any except that he's a horrible, horrible man, and deserves nothing but pain

-did? Did the whole Iz & Rosa thing happen shortly after Michael's hand got broken? Because it looks like the same night, but then how would Liz know that Michael's hand was already broken?

-ooh no okay I guess if they circulated a rumour that Michael had gotten into a fight that would make sense, and this also explains why Max didn't say anything when Michael said he'd been the one who killed those girls, and why he didn't heal Michael's hand

-there is still so much to explain, mostly WHY any of this happened in the first place

-also... at the cost of being repetitive.... Michael has literally done nothing except try to protect the people he loves and he deserves better than this

-Isobel: maybe we are all killers! Me: huh actually if you look up "innocent baby" on a dictionary you'll find a photo of Michael Guerin?

-also wow shfdf I can't believe that "has never killed anyone" goes to add to the list of things that divide Michael from Max & Iz

-Liz is. One hundred percent right to be angry because all of this really fucked things up for the Ortechos but from an outside perspective,,,, Max was just trying to protect Isobel so like,,,,, conflict of interest I guess

-to close this off: Jesse Manes thinks pulp fiction is about juice making. He likes Jar Jar Binks. He's one of those whiny ass straight white men pulling a tantrum over the fact that the new Star Trek tv show has a main gay couple in it. Jesse Manes would out Peter Parker as Spiderman because that's how much of a little bitch he is

PS: I went to post this and noticed that Roswell is trending rn,,,, this episode really fucked us up huh

[austenpoppy]

Mental Torture in the Wizarding World (1)

Warning : Very long post. So long that I had to split it in different parts. I have no idea how to make it under a cut "keep reading". Highly Upsetting topics such as self-loathing, madness, suicide and torture.

This post really means a lot to me. It may be one of the most important. Torture is something which makes my blood boil and that I want to fight until I die. So often overlooked or judged necessary, it destroys people. Literally.

Mental torture is a topic which is unfortunately too often overlooked. People often consider that the level of pain is not the same as physical torture, if they even consider that it causes pain at all. Because there is no scar, no mark, no trace on the body, mental torture is less visible - yet minds can be destroyed.

The wizarding world makes no exception. If torture, embodied by the Cruciatus Curse, is loathed, mental suffering caused by psychological methods are barely, if ever, evoked.

But they exist, and they are not in any way less painful than the Cruciatus curse.

Let's agree upon a definition of torture : "United Nations conventions that bar torture refer to it as "severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental," study author Metin Basoglu of King's College wrote" .(https://www.google.com/amp/s/mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSN0535973620070306)

This is the particularity of mental torture : it aims the disintegration of the personality : "We conclude by examining the specific evil of mental torture: the merciless attempt to break down and occupy the personality of the victim." (Mental Torture: A Critique of Erasures in U.S. Law by David Luban and Henry Shue)

And for those of you who might doubt that mental torture and physical torture are on the same level : "Sadly, psychological torture can in fact be counted on to cause harm, which is indeed often severe and prolonged. Even worse, substantial research suggests that psychological torture, as well as some cruel and inhuman treatment that might not qualify as torture at all, can cause more severe long-term damage than some physical torture tends to." (same study)

1. The Dementors

I am utterly awed every time a "good" character in fanfiction threatens somebody of being kissed by a Dementor or expresses regret that the Dementors are no longer guardians of Azkaban after the war.

The Dementors have been created by the author to be a symbol of depression. Indeed, they make revive to their victims the worst moments of their lives and give them the impression that they will never be happy again.

However, I have to notice that they are more than allegories of depression. They act like torturers.

A depression is something self-induced, which means that the brain of the person itself is no longer able to grip on good thoughts, but only on the bad ones. It can be expected in certain circonstances : when a person is in mourning, during a burn-out - even if sometimes the burn-out itself can be considered a depression - after certain traumatic events (especially if the person in question suffers from PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), after having been bullied... Or it can be the consequence of life-long insecurities (especially if the person in question has a crippling low self-esteem) aggravated by small or not so small events in daily life. It is absolutely horrible, a daily drowning, the impression that nothing makes sense anymore... It can be helped with medicines and psychological sessions, but ultimately, it is a struggle that the he or she has to do himself/herself. If he or she is not willing to fight against it, you can't do anything (To be clear, I am not making any judgement, I am just noticing that depression is a daily struggle, and a very hard one - because there is no external enemy, the enemy is in your own head). Not to say that depressed people should be left alone - in the contrary, they have to be backed up, loved, to know that people care about them.

But what the Dementors do, the way they harm human beings and other creatures is definitely not something people self-induce. They are external forces, who can act for themselves. And even if the pain they cause leaves horrible lingering effects - we will come to that later -, it is a pain which affects everybody and not just vulnerable people.

This is the description of a torturer, according to an article I found on the Internet (reference : http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2014-12-10/beard-cheney-defends-torture/5957372)/

Specifically, it is defined by an intention to degrade a detainee to a sub-human state in which he or she is morally and psychologically dis-integrated. Torture is an act motivated by a torturous attitude, which means it requires people who are willing - literally - to pull another human being apart."

The worst Dementors can do is to suck the soul out of their victims, which means that they can literally disintegrate their victims'personality, spirit and intelligence and turn them into empty shells (which would be quite a heartwrenching metaphor for people forever broken by torture and mental pain).

This is the description of the Dementors' kiss by Lupin :

"'They call it the Dementors' Kiss,' said Lupin, with a slightly twisted smile. 'It's what Dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly. I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and - and suck out his soul.'

Harry accidentally spat out a bit of Butterbeer.

'What - they kill -?'

'Oh, no,' said Lupin. 'Much worse than that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you'll have no sense of self any more, no memory, no... anything. You'll just - exist. As an empty shell. And your soul is gone forever...lost.'"

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K.Rowling

But that's not all.

"Dementors are among the foulest creatures that walk this earth. They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope and hapiness out of the air around them. Even Muggles feel their presence, though they can't see them. Get too near a Dementor and every good feeling, every happy memory, will be sucked out of you. If it can, the Dementor will feed on you long enough to reduce you to something like itself - soulless and evil. You'll be left with nothing but the worst experiences of your life.

(...)

The fortress is set on a tiny island, way out to sea, but they don't need walls and water to keep the prisoners in, not when they're all trapped inside their own heads, incapable of a single cheerful thought. Most of them go mad within weeks."

The first thing I want to notice is that the victims of Dementors go mad from pain. The only other characters we have been talked about who went mad were the parents of Neville. Funny coincidence, isn't it ?

Moreover, what is obvious here is that the "methods" used by Dementors lead to the disintegration of the personality : victims are even described as "soulless", "trapped in their own heads".

Well, that's exactly what mental torture leads to - and physical torture as well, in terms of psychological consequences, according to the study I have quoted above.

Furthermore, it is important to underline that victims of Dementors are left helpless, unable to be happy or hope. Feelings of permanent helplessness are one of the consequences of mental torture.

And they don't have any control over they suffering. They are just a bundle of fears and terrors, unable to control themselves, unable to distinguish reality from what is in their heads. Their nightmares become the reality and the reality is an eternal nightmare.

To quote once again the study above :

"People also often say that what they fear is not so much death but dying. It is one thing to have gone, it is another to continue to survive but in despair and with no grounds for hope. One of the special terrors of torture is that like dying, as distinguished from death, being tortured is a continuing process, not a single event or a final state. It is a process filled with dread, despair, hopelessness, and the awful awareness that one has absolutely no control over one’s own condition. One can try to end the torture by trying to cooperate, but the torturer may well not be convinced and may well not admit it even if he is. Like the flies to the wanton boys, and like us to the gods, in the words of Shakespeare’s blinded Gloucester quoted at the beginning, the victim is the torturer’s plaything. The vulnerability is absolute, and the mental suffering accompanying that awareness is awful."

"One is of course rarely in full control of one’s fate -- the panic at the recent world financial crisis in part reflected many people’s frightening sense of having lost any firm grip on how their lives would go in future. But the fear of a depleted pension is nothing to the fear that one’s own self will be undermined so that one will not retain even the underlying psychological integrity necessary for having desires and beliefs that are one’s own, much less the psychological capacity (the agency) to act effectively on them -- that one will be returned to the infantile state of being an uncoordinated bundle of desires and fears with no integral self to organize them."

"Psychological torture, in contrast, undermines the structure of the personality -- it literally breaks apart the self, unhinging its parts from each other."

Not all the prisoners become mad. Some, like Hagrid, are released because they were innocent. When Hagrid describes his experience in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, he presents anxiety disorders, a typical reaction of victims of mental torture and torture in general (p. 239-240) : just talking about what he went through makes him shiver and cry, and he would do anything to never go back to Azkaban, even if he has to loose Buckbeak (the same Hagrid who made enter an Acromentula in Hogwarts, and bought a dragon's egg even if it is absolutely illegal and dangerous).

Another study I've read, Les pires cicatrices ne sont pas toujours physiques : la torture psychologique by Hernán Reyes (The worst scars are not always physical : mental torture) backs it : "The victims of mental torture have symptoms associated with anxiety disorders."

Moreover, what he says is striking : in his cell his only will was to die to end his suffering, and he had lost any hope to quit the prison.

"Thought I was goin' mad. Kep' goin' over horrible stuff in me mind...

(...)

'You can' really remember who yeh are after a while. An' yeh can' see the point o' living at all. I used ter hope I'd jus' die in me sleep..."

[artificialqueens]

Cupid’s Blind Arrow Chapter 4 (Group Fic) - Ginger Nut

Everyone was back in English class. 

Sharon came back today looking spacey and like she hadn’t brushed her hair in days. Violet sat down pulling out a compact and viewed all angles of her face, checking for any imperfections. Satisfied, she put the compact away and flipped her hair behind her shoulder as Pearl walked by, giving the girl a waft of Violets expensive and sweet perfume. Willam sauntered in with Alaska who stopped in her tracks seeing Sharon. Willam grabbed her forearm and whispered in her ear. “Let it go. She’s not even here Alaska, her minds in some trippy fairy world. She’s not here.” Alaska decided this true — Sharon’s eyes were fixed on her pen where she was engraving something on her desk, not even acknowledging Alaska’s entrance. Clenching her jaw Alaska made her way over to Trixie, who had been chatting to Katya. “New friend?” Trixie blushed as she pulled out her folder from her backpack. “Kind of.” Willam clicked her fingers for Katya to stop swinging back on her chair to allow Willam a pathway to her seat. “Sup Katya” she said, smacking her chewing gum. “The sky” Katya answered, pointing up. “Well that’s a ceiling moron.” Noticing her mistake Katya leaned back again on her chair after Willam scooched past and sat down. Miss Raja’s heels could be heard from a couple of doors away and everyone prepared for class. Pearl brought out a pen and sighed, I really can’t be bothered today. She dropped her notebook heavily onto the desk, creating a loud crash that caused a few heads to turn her way. “Be careful Pearly.” Pearl looked up to find Violets back still turned to the front, but she was talking to her in a firm voice. “Okay class-okay-quiet down-guys” Miss raja spoke while rummaging through papers on her disorganised desk. “What you looking for, teach?” Willam offered from the back corner. “A will to live” Raja replied sarcastically, to which half of the class “same.” Raja’s head popped up and she furrowed her brow. “Jeez I was kidding, what’s with all you millennials being such buzz kills?” Sharon rolled her eyes only half listening. the past couple of days for her had become a blur. She wasn’t sure half the time what actually happened and what she imagined. Curious, she inched closer to Adore and whispered with a hand stray in front of her face. “Hey uh last class,” she began, her voice coming out quieter than she anticipated at first. She tried again, “Did Alaska and I…” “Argue like you were an old married Southern couple where the husband had cheated on his wife when they already had three kids and a dog?” Adore sniggered, looking directly at Sharon. Sharons face contorted as she faced the facts; I did that, I fucking did that. Shit. Pearl noticed the face-palm Sharon did and looked at Adore. What the hell? she asked with her eyes. Adore mouthed back a paragraph to Pearl, keeping a straight face the entire time. All pearl could make out was ‘Alaska’ and ‘off her face’, giving her a vague enough idea of what was going on. She decided not to press further and replied to the register on cue.

“Okay dokay, who did the homework?” Miss raja’s eyes scanned for hands that had been raised. None of them were. Raja sat on the edge of Alaska’s desk and sighed, forcing Sharons eyes to the beautiful blonde girl. Man I really messed this up she kept thinking. “Miss you didn’t give homework” Katya offered breaking her view from the window momentarily. The class nodded subtly in agreement, “Don’t try that one, it’s all I need today my honours playing the old ‘Miss you never gave any’.” This time Trixie piped up. “No seriously miss, you did not give homework.” Starting to second guess herself, Raja moved from the table to her desk skimming past the papers to her binder. She felt herself wince as she realised that she really didn’t give the homework. Fuck. “Ok my bad, we’ll just do it this period instead,” The teacher announced, sitting back into her swivel chair. She started spinning around in circles. “You’re going to look through the play and find quotes to support the themes of love, family and conflict. Understood?” After receiving only grunts and silence in response she sighed and threw her hands up, “God you guys are so depressing, lighten up!” “Can we work in groups miss?” Adore asked, obviously not feeling up for the work. “Fine, no phones” Miss Raja complied, pulling out her own phone to check a text. “Hey B,” Bianca turned around to find Adore smiling sweetly at her. “Why don’t you and Chachki turn your chairs around and we can all work together” she motioned all down the line and Bianca scoffed. “What help could you offer me, chola?” Adore leaned forward and spoke quieter than before, “you have no idea B,” she kissed her teeth; “you have no idea.” Bianca leaned closer playing along with the act, inching closer to Adore, Violet felt her eyes widen and Sharon’s heart twisted. “BALONI!” Bianca aggressively yelled. Everyone in the group — even Sharon — laughed, attracting the attention of the other groups, and Miss Raja. “Ok, I forgot you have to, uh, sit in the love and hate groups” she declared, earning protests from all of the class. “No buts, the only butts are yours. WHICH SHOULD BE MOVING, COME ON!” After seeing the result she wanted, Miss Raja stuck a pair of earphones into her computer and started to catch up on a tv series. Violet moved to the other side of the room where her fellow love-lovers were, but tripped over one of the stray bags on the floor. “Be careful Vi,” came a sly voice from behind her. Glancing over her shoulder Violet found Pearl leant back in her chair flicking through pages of Romeo and Juliet ever so nonchalant. Adore and Sharon trailed behind Violet and crossed paths with Alaska and Katya. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Around 40 minutes had passed and the groups were working surprisingly well, both around halfway through the play and had a bank of quotes. “I might start using these insults, these people were smart” Willam commented, her finger scanning the lines. “A wretched pulling fool, a whining mammet” Willam laughed to herself, “or you could just go in for the like: “Hang! Beg! Starve! Die in the streets!” Alaska let out a laugh, killing it as soon as it started. “What’s up with you, misery guts?” Bianca questioned, looking at the slumped over soul sitting next to her. Willam kicked her under the desk and raised her eyebrows at the girl in disapproval, Alaska looked at Willam and nodded, “Nah Wills just tell them, I really don’t care anymore.” Willam looked at Alaska for a moment as if for reassurance. “Today’s the first day Alaska’s seen Sharon since the big blow out.” An awkward silence followed; no one really knew how to react, especially given that they didn’t know why the big blowout happened in the first place. “Oh…Alaska…..I’m uh…I’m sorry” moped Phi Phi, somehow understanding Alaska’s pain. Katya touched the girl’s forearm empathetically, “Are you alright lask?” Alaska sighed and silently gave a thumbs up, her sad eyes contradicting her gesture. Katya continued, “Just know that if you are comfortable in bearing your soul, I’ll open my listening holes just for you.” Everyone forgot about the gloom atmosphere for a minute and instead looked at Katya with utter confusion, “Girl what the literal fuck goes on in your head?” Willam commented, chuckling a little at the end. “Oh, you don’t say that in America?” “No bitch, now gimme a good quote” all of a sudden the lifeless and solemn atmosphere had transformed into one of cheer and despite being the group who ‘didn’t believe in love’ it didn’t seem like they needed it right now. That was all apart from one. “Pearl!” Katya nudged the subdued girl on her right who had been staring across the room. Breaking her gaze the starry eyed blonde shuffled in her seat; “What?!” She exclaimed flicking to the next page in the play, “It seems like you’re more involved in the other group than ours. Come on, we’ve been trying to analyse this stupid fucking quote for what feels like 60 years ” Taking one last glance at the opposite side Pearl saw the beauty with jet black hair and an hourglass figure before prying her eyes away to help her group. The other group were getting through the play at quite a pace, they decided to split the acts between them and then copy each others’ quotes in afterwards. “I seriously don’t get why we have to read some guys stuff from like four hundred years ago” Adore mumbled scribbling words onto paper, her writing was messy and all different sizes. She had got an ink mark all down her hand from leaning on the notebook and unsuccessfully tried to wipe it off with saliva. She glanced over at Sharon who was generally quite quiet, her eyes unable to peel away from the text. “This is actually pretty sweet” Adore looked at the girl who sat in a black denim skirt and black sweatshirt, now enamoured with Shakespeare. “Did you not read it with us in class?” Adore asked. Sharon looked up “I did, well kinda, I just guess I forgot.” A quietness fell over the group as they continued to study their acts, trixie was doing act 1, Violet and Sharon were working on act 2, adore was on act 3, ivy and jinkx took act 4 and laganja and Miss fame analysed act 5. Violet heard the laughter coming from the other table, half annoyed at the distraction but half happy because it gave her a chance to look over at Pearl. she sat slumped in the corner as always. Her hair was wavy and she wore a sweatshirt and jeans, but violet always saw her in her sparkling knight dress. So pretty she thought. “Hey, goo-goo eyes” Violet turned back round to see all of her groups eyes on her. “What?!” She exclaimed, twirling her ponytail “Don’t tell us you’re switching sides, you look more engaged in what they’re doing!” Said Laganja, “Yeah who’s side you on?” Sharon smirked “Juliet.” Violet rolled her eyes, “If I ever turn out like that bitch, shoot me”

Raja had been scrolling through emails, documents and the class register as it now had pictures from photo day attached. Oh my god she thought some of these people do not know how to take a picture. A notification popped up in her mailbox and she opened up the email: New assignments for English honours classes Raja groaned to herself at the thought. Can Miss Visage give it a rest already?!Racking through her brain she thought about all of the work the class still had to do, frustrated and exhausted she stood up and walked to the middle of the classroom. “Alright class, listen up” everyone turned their heads and listened, for once. “I’m giving you an assignment that’ll be due in 2 weeks. It’s called…wait a minute…” she ran back over to her computer, “opposite pairs assignment. Gee, how original. Wonder how they came up with that one. Anyway I’ll be putting you guys in pairs with someone that has an opposite view to yours, and you have to meet out with class and write a paired essay giving arguments on whether the play is about love or stupidity.” Everyone’s eyes darted to the other side, each person rating who they’d want to who they really didn’t want. “To do this fairly I’m matching yous up by how similar your test scores from last years exam.” This made the guessing game more challenging. “Ok, first two; Jinkx and Ivy” Ivy? Thought Willam, the girl bombed geography so hard last year, guess it just wasn’t her style “Next; Violet and Pearl” the two locked eyes and Violet raised her arched brow, Pearl smirked in return trying to hide the now growing shade of pink on her face. “Alaska and Max” Alaska internally sighed, could’ve been worse she thought as she smiled at max across the room “Bianca and Adore” Adore smirked, this is going to be fun she thought “Trixie and Katya” Trixie felt her insides swirl as she heard her name next to Katyas “Laganja and Fame, Phi Phi and Vivienne, Willam and Sharon-“ This gonna be awkward Willam thought immediately as she looked over to find Sharon’s no lip smile agreeing with Willams thoughts. Why isn’t Courtney here? Why did she have to go back? I need her right now. “Lastly Alyssa and Gia” At that the bell rang and everyone got moving, cluttering chairs and forcing papers into their already full handbags. Bianca had hole punched her papers and was slotting them into her binder as Adore walked up to her, crumpled papers in her hand. “So, study buddy, when do you want to meet up?” Bianca started walking as she talked exiting the classroom. Both she and Adore were going to the science labs, so their conversation continued. “Well If where you live is anything like the way you dress, I can’t say I want to go to your place.” Adore blinked, batting her insanely long eyelashes; “Wow you really don’t beat around the bush, do you?” Bianca chuckled, turning a corner. “I’m joking chola, no seriously you can come over to mine. My parents are hardly ever home.” “Really? How come?” “My Dad works out of state and my mom does night shifts, so i don’t really have that much company” Adore playfully threw her arm over Bianca’s shoulder, earning her a stern yet confused look, “I’ll keep you company.” Adore promised. Bianca couldn’t tell any more if the girl was joking or not. She could only smile, actually quite thankful that for the next week or so she’d have somebody to eat meals and watch tv with.

[placetrashhere]

You kiss by the book

Au where Betty and Jughead haven't talked about the kiss and Shakespeare brings them clarity. / Riverdale's very own Hitchcock blonde and resident rebel with a golden heart had spoken about to one another after their kiss many weeks ago. The conversations were not ones that focused on said kiss but on other things instead. The murder of Jason Blossom being most of those other things. In other deaths of not just Riverdale but on going generations the one that had been dying slowly had been Riverdale high schools very own Shakespeare company. It had been dragged through for years as an ever sinking club but now it was really on its death bed. Unlike the Twilight Drive-in the Shakespeare company was one that had been given a vigorous resurrection. It was no longer a club assembled by students, it was now a program ran by the English department. The students of Riverdale we're the members pushed on to participate. Shakespeare had written many masterpieces. Macbeth, Hamlet, the Tragedy of Julius Ceaser to name a few. Which did principal Weatherby select, the white bread of all Shakespeare's work: Romeo and Juliet. Cliché was a word for it, Ironic was another. 'Hey there Juliet' had been the two words Jughead Jones had been regretting since they came out of his mouth at the window sill of a one Miss Betty Copper. He didn't know if his Juliet had felt the same way, he assumed she did. He could just feel it in the way her lips touched his, he was positive there was something there. It was like two universes being pulled together by a force stronger than gravity. Once they had parted, the car was the first thing on her mind instead of what felt like the kiss of the century to him. He wanted to say something about it. Most people in his shoes wanted to but in most cases they never did. He didn't wanted to ruin things with Betty, he was now skimming for conversation with her but that was better then silence. At least in Jughead's book. It was after school and the detective duo sat on opposite sides of the Blue and Gold. Due to slow leaking of information Betty and Jughead had kept themselves occupied in other ways. Juggie had started writing movie reviews for the paper since Jason's Blossoms killer was really covering his tracks now. Jughead was now doing an in depth review of A Streetcar Called Desire for the paper while Betty was reading through the script. "You never seemed like the theatrically type, Bets." He said as she mouthed the words to herself. She had been so sucked in, it had taken her a moment to respond. "My mom says anything involved with Shakespeare looks good on college transcripts." Betty said like her whole life depended on Alice Coppers opinion. Everyone knew it didn't but Betty had been convinced it did. "I guess it makes you look cultured." "You don't have to do things just because your mom wants you to do them." "I know, but I need a distraction right now." She replied, referring to the controversy of her sister's pregnancy. But Romeo and Juliet was far from a distraction since the relationship Polly Copper and Jason Blossom shared a similar characteristic, they were forbidden. Jughead ended up thinking him and Betty were forbidden too, at least to some extent. Few people knew of the kiss between the two of them but the reaction he had gotten from the one he knew was discouraging to use the kindest words. The look Archie had given him after he confessed to the kiss was what kept him from telling anyone else. His best friend didn't look jealous or upset, he just looked confused as if why Jughead was good enough for the girl next door. If Archie Andrews couldn't understand their chemistry, it seemed like no one in the whole world would. "How about about I help you run lines." He suggested. "I didn't know you were auditioning?" Betty raised one of her perfectly groomed eyebrows. "Strictly stage crew," He laughed as Betty handed him her script. Jughead didn't want to participate in the production but his guidance consular insisted he must get involved. Jughead really couldn't care less if he wasn't directing it but he was really being pushed. "But I don't hate Shakespeare as much as one may think. How about were practice at pops tonight at six." "Sounds like a date." She said getting up from her seat and leaving to the room. Jughead Jones was confused for a split second. She did used the word 'date' after all but some people were known for saying one thing and meaning another. Six O'clock sharp they both sat across from one another at there favorite booth. The one by the window where you could see the lovely site called the Pop's parking lot. They read lines, to Jughead's surprise Betty didn't suck at acting. She wasn't half bad actually, she read the lines smoothly with emotion that was readable with out being done. She was not winning an Oscar anytime soon but he saw Juliet right there. "Betty that was actually really good." "I'm not sure, Juggie." She mumbled. "I'm not a sure win for Juliet. I'm pretty sure Cheryl's probably gonna get it." Betty frowned. He hated it when she doubted herself. "Do you always do that?" He questioned. "Do what?" She asked. "Doubt yourself." He said pulling a stand of her hair away from his face. "Have you ever been told you're amazing." "You know you're crazy." She teased looking back and forth the pages of the script like it was about to be destroyed. "We are all crazy." He knew he should have been careful. Last time he said that he kissed her. That didn't seem half bad to him but he wasn't one to speak for others. He didn't live in there heads so obviously he didn't know what she was thinking. All he knew was that he was going crazy. She was so far away but literally right there. "You're the least crazy person I've ever met." Her cheeks blushed a light pink. She was lying to a small extent. "My name is Jughead, you can argue if you want." "The way you think isn't crazy at all." She rebuttals. "The way you write, it's interesting but it isn't crazy. Give me a reason why your completely crazy." He shot her a look that called all sorts of bullshit. It went of like a loaded gun before she even finished her sentence. "I literally climbed up your window, I lived in a drive-in for most of the summer, and you have met my dad. Give me all the reasons why I'm not crazy." "You are crazy, but like crazy amazing." Her smile drops a little. "You're just crazy because you think I'm amazing." The way her lips moved so slowly but surely gave her an idea. "I think I'm just plain crazy Bets." "Prove it." She mumbled as Jughead jumped up from the sticky booth seat. He grabbed Betty's hand and jumped up to the front counter bringing Betty up with him. It was Thursday night early in to the evening and half the students at Riverdale high school were there enjoying themselves. It was the only place in town that could be considered a hangout after all. There had been grand gestures of Love and all that but he was ready to attempt one with only the same time it took to fire a gun. It took less then a split second for everyone to start staring at him. Romeo and Juliet were once a secret; Jughead and Betty were not anymore. "Then move not, while my prayers effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged." He quoted directly for the script loud and clear for everyone to here. It took Betty a second to let what was happening sink in but she flawlessly. "Then have my lips the sun that they have took." "Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again." They stared at each other as the whole diner watched their impromptu Shakespeare flash mob. William Shakespeare had written it himself, he had to kiss her. He put himself up there and if he loved Betty as much as he did he needed to prove it. That's when his lips fell on to hers and the whole world stoped for a moment. Her warm hands touched his cool face and he wished to feel nothing else but her warmth for the rest of his life. Their lips came apart and the crowd cheered to slowly cool down. "You kiss by the book." She had a smile bigger then the widest valley. They didn't need to talk about the previous kiss anymore, the one that just occurred said everything. They were not forbidden, they were welcomed.They were not just an invisible moment in time, they were their own form of history. They were not Romeo and Juliet, they were something more beautiful; they were Jughead and Betty.

[minervacasterly]

Fact vs Fiction: Queen Victoria's view on pregnancy. her relationship with Prince Albert and the general Victorian view on motherhood and childbirth, and medicine:

Tonight was the season one finale of ITV/ PBS’ Victoria in the United States. Well done, and sorely missed. I can’t wait for season 2! Victoria’s attitude towards pregnancy has often been criticized and thought of as un-motherly, not to mention how she described her first children, especially her firstborn, Princess Victoria (future German Empress). Some have attributed it to Post-Partum Depression while others see it as normal, and something that women can relate to.

I have never been pregnant but most of my friends have, including my cousins and I have seen how they’ve reacted. And I have to say, reactions vary. It has to do with biology and the person’s environment. The series showed a young Victoria who didn’t like being confined to the royal palace because she wanted to be free, and didn’t want to be seen as a brood mare. However, as the first English Queen Regnant, people were right to be worried. Childbirth was more dangerous back then and the Queen’s body, as much as Victoria wished to think of it as her own, was seen as something sacred, that should be protected no matter what.

There was the whole scandal regarding her uncle, Ernest Augustus, King of Hanover and Duke of Cumberland, having a hand in the assassination attempt against Victoria. Nothing was ever proven and the official story is that this was nothing more than malicious rumors spread by his enemies. Prince Albert doesn’t believe this and neither does Queen Victoria but she has no choice but to abide by what a jury of her would-be-assassin’s peers have determined, and the lack of evidence against uncle.

Coming back to Victoria’s pregnancies, here’s a good summary of how Victoria viewed pregnancy by historian, Amy Licence, also exploring the Queen’s relationship with her husband, Prince Albert and the birth control methods that were used -or frowned upon- at the time of her union with her cousin: “Despite her reputation for demure staidness and her famous refusal to be amused, Queen Victoria was a passionate woman. Her name has become something of a byword for sexual repression but her love life with adored husband, Albert, was far from the prudery that her era has been assumed to typify. The day after her wedding, the twenty-year-old queen wrote to her confidant and Prime Minister, Lord Melbourne, that ‘it was a gratifying and bewildering experience … his excessive love and affection gave me feelings of heavenly love and happiness. He clasped me in his arms and we kissed each other again and again.’ Her three-day honeymoon at Windsor Castle left her the ‘happiest being that ever existed’ and she had Albert design and install a bedside switch to activate mechanical locks on the bedroom door, so that their impromptu love-making sessions would not be interrupted. However, when it came to the consequences, or what she called the ‘shadow side’ of love, pregnancy and birth, Victoria was less enthusiastic … Victoria conceived within days of her wedding. It seems likely that neither she nor Albert had any idea about how this could have been prevented. There was a certain amount of material published on birth control by the time of their marriage, such as Richard Carlile’s 1828 Every Woman’s Book, which recommended coitus interruptus as well as the sponges that French and Italian women were reputed to wear on their wrists, so as to literally have them to hand. It was possible to purchase sponges and ‘gentleman’s nightcaps’ (condoms), cervical caps and an early American form of the femidom, or female condom, made from eel skin. Some upper-class women also practiced ‘irrigation’, which involved the rinsing out of the vagina using a syringe, although the instructions, given in Every Woman’s Book, made the process seem arduous and cumbersome. Social activist Annie Besant worked to raise public knowledge about the various options available to married couples, publishing the instructive The Fruits of Philosophy. This led to Besant’s arrest and trial for obscenity. Initially convicted, the verdict was overturned on appeal and huge numbers of the book were sold. Victoria would not have begun to suspect her pregnancy until certain physical signs began to appear and, even then, she would have been cautious about diagnosis … The late summer and autumn of 1840, spent waiting in seclusion, proved frustrating for Victoria. As she later wrote to her daughter, it had all happened too quickly and denied her the opportunity to enjoy being married: ‘What made me so miserable was … to have the first two years of my married life utterly spoiled by this occupation.’ She felt as if motherhood had ‘tried [her] sorely; one feels so pinned down, one’s wings clipped, only half oneself. In September, when she was seven months pregnant, she made Albert a member of the Privy Council and issued him with a set of duplicate keys to her official boxes, so he could take over when she was incapacitated. It was a symbolic act, recognizing her inability to act as queen during her numerous pregnancies and the tension of power this created between husband and wife. Victoria would have sought advice from her doctors as soon as she suspected her condition but physical examinations of any sort were shunned. Even the placing of a stethoscope on a woman’s belly to monitor the fetal heartbeat was considered indecent. As a result, many nineteenth-century women suffered ‘the extremity of danger and pain rather than waive those scruples of delicacy which prevent their maladies from being fully exposed’. It has been estimated that in the 1870s, married women spent an average of twelve years pregnant and breastfeeding, having borne around five live children, although many had suffered miscarriages and stillbirths. Like Victoria, 80 percent delivered within twelve months of the wedding ceremony, while only 12 in 1,000 gave birth in less than seven months, having been pregnant at the altar. Many endured multiple pregnancies, equaling the queen in having nine children under the age of fifteen, which made her feel ‘more like a rabbit or a guinea pig than anything else’. Labour conditions improved for Victoria for the delivery of her son Leopold in 1853, when she was administered with chloroform for the first time, inhaling every ten minutes from a cloth soaked in the liquid. After her experience, this form of pain relief became widely used among her subjects. Still, Victoria disliked the process of bearing children, writing retrospectively about the ‘humiliation to the delicate feelings of a poor woman, above all a young one … especially with those nasty doctors’. She also found the condition ‘quite disgusting’ in others, particularly ‘those ladies who are always enceinte’ and responded to the impending birth of her grandchild by claiming ‘the horrid news has upset us dreadfully’. It may also have been the case, with her aunt Charlotte in mind, that Victoria feared her coming ordeal; Mrs Panton certainly believed that ‘these times are looked forward to with dread by all young wife’. This attitude, coupled with her dislike of breastfeeding and small children, has led some historians to conclude that she suffered from prenatal and postnatal depression although this is underpinned by the assumption that all women must enjoy motherhood and any deviation from this model requires a medical explanation. Perhaps readers should take Victoria at her word, as her view remained unchanging, that the ‘shadow side’ of love had got in the way of her marriage.

Victoria was not alone. The fear of birth was common to many women of the time, victims of a social prudery that denied them the opportunity for proper examination, control over and knowledge about their condition. This led to an understandable dislike of pregnancy, even a sense of morbidity, and a rejection of the act which could result in conception.” *

You also have to take into account that Victoria's views on how to prevent pregnancy, coming from the Baroness, date all the way back to ancient history. Thanks to efforts by the scientific community to map the entire human genome, we know more about human anatomy, especially female anatomy than our ancestors ever did. As a result, access to things such as birth control, and preventive care are easier, especially in developed countries. But every body is different and complications could still occur.

Victoria's mission, besides making the monarchy more popular, and thus ensuring the continuation of such institution, was to provide it with heirs. One child wasn't enough and despite England already having been ruled successfully by female monarchs like Elizabeth I and Anne I; people -including Victoria- would have preferred a male heir. And Victoria knew that she needed to have more than one son, in order to secure the throne for her dynasty. There had been so many Princes of Wales who never became Kings of England because they died, and thus their younger siblings took their place. Victoria became Queen thanks to many of her grandfather -George III of England- eldest sons not having male heirs, or (in the case of her predecessor, her uncle William IV) having a daughter who died in childbirth.

It was appropriate that the last episode had one of the grooms quote Shakespeare from his play 'Richard II', "uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." Indeed, uneasy lay the head that wore a crown, especially for Queen Regnants.

*Source: Royal Babies: 1066-2013 by Amy Licence. She also wrote a good book on the Tudors, that explores women's experiences in that era, it is titled "In Bed with the Tudors".

[bibliosexxual]

at the museum

Sterek fic inspired by the last minute or so of this ridiculous video (it has subtitles if you wanna watch it).

Of course the first time Stiles sees Derek Hale since high school just has to be on the day he's finally gotten Lydia from Marketing to agree to go out with him. That's how the universe works, apparently, always giving Stiles the shittiest luck.

They're at the Beacon Hills Museum, because he thought that would be something she'd like and it's definitely something he likes, only it's looking like he thought wrong. In fact, he's pretty sure she's covertly reading an ebook on her phone while Stiles is geeking out over the exhibits.

It happens when Stiles has finally given up on the museum part of this date and taken Lydia downstairs to the food court. She's just declared that on her diet she can't eat anything on this menu, and Stiles has just seen his chances of landing a second date dropping dangerously close to zero, and that's when he looks over and spots Derek standing a few feet away, arm in arm with a hot girl, all dimples and glossy brunette curls and a jawline sharp enough to rival Derek's.

Of course Derek would have a hot girlfriend while Stiles is utterly failing at the first date he's been on in six months, and of course Derek would happen to show up here and rub it in Stiles' face. Of course.

They weren't really anything to each other in high school except rivals. Always competing with each other over who could answer the most questions in class, who could win at chess in the library during study hall, who could run faster during lacrosse, who could land his article on the front page of the school newspaper each month and who had to settle for the inside pages no one ever read, even stupid things like who was taller (Stiles, ha) or who could eat the most skittles in a 1-minute time period (also Stiles).

By senior year, they even had each other's numbers from that one disastrous time they were assigned to a group project together. Stiles used to entertain himself for hours texting Derek. Usually it took the form of a back-and-forth of wits to see who could quote the most Shakespeare or Lord of the Rings or who knew more about some obscure trivia or just straight-up who could be the most obnoxious and insulting. It was always a close call.

It always inevitably devolved, at least on Stiles' end, into a bunch of taunts that bordered on flirting, because it was Derek and Stiles couldn't help himself. It wasn't a fun Friday night unless Stiles had reveled at least a little bit in the surety that he was making Derek blush furiously at his phone. He didn't even have to see Derek's face to know, because that was just how Derek always responded to cheesy pick-up lines and innuendos.

Then there was senior prom. Oh god. Stiles still winces thinking about it.

Derek took Erica Reyes, who looked unfairly stunning as always. She’d woven her blonde hair with what looked like real flowers. Meanwhile Stiles, having utterly failed to convince an epically out-of-his-league junior named Braeden to go out with him, had settled for a girl whose name he can't even remember anymore who sat behind him in Chemistry, which was the one class he didn't have with Derek.

He and Derek had spent pretty much the whole evening trying to out-dance each other with their dates, and glaring challengingly at each other from nearby tables, and snarking at each other by the punch table, until finally Stiles' date pulled him aside and accused him of eye-fucking Derek all night instead of paying attention to her. This was, sadly, pretty accurate. Not that Stiles wanted to admit it at the time.

Long story short, she ditched him for Matt, the creepy-vibes junior who always brought his camera with him everywhere. That left Stiles alone to wander off in a huff, feeling kind of tipsy from the spiked punch and fuming about how swimmingly Derek was probably getting along with Erica Reyes right now.

That was about when he quite literally ran into Derek, who was not (as Stiles had been imagining) making out with Erica after all. Instead he was loitering alone in the shadows near the bleachers with his hands shoved in his pockets, avoiding everyone.

They'd started bickering about something at that point, only it wasn't bickering, not really. It was more like competitive flirting, Derek getting all up in Stiles' space with his dumb eyebrows and his stupid spiky hair and his annoyingly appealing cologne, and... Yeah. Stiles had kissed him. To prove a point, maybe, or answer the silent dare in Derek's eyes. There hadn't been anyone else around, and he'd just done it, fisting his hands in Derek's tuxedo jacket and kissing him, sloppily and a little aggressively, until Derek moaned a little and Stiles thought about what he was doing and stopped.

"Fuck," Stiles had said eloquently, staring at Derek, who was staring back at him all rumpled and shell-shocked. At that point he'd gotten the hell out of there.

Stiles avoided Derek after that. Their senior year was almost over anyway. Even just looking at Derek was suddenly very confusing and kind of embarrassing. He wasn't gay, he knew he wasn't gay, and he wasn't into Derek, that jerk, so the easiest thing just seemed like pretending Derek didn't exist. Derek likewise avoided all eye contact with Stiles and stopped texting him, so that was that.

Derek went off to Columbia in New York, and Stiles stayed local at Berkeley, and he didn't realize he was bi (or that bisexuality was even a thing) until a year later, sitting in the middle of his Sexuality and Society class. By then it was obviously a little too late.

Obviously they didn't keep in touch, even if Stiles kind of wanted to. Why would they? They weren't friends. They'd never eaten lunch with each other or hung out at each other's houses on the weekends or been anything to each other, really, except consistently, amicably antagonistic. And Stiles had never apologized about the whole surprise-kissing-you-at-prom thing, or the I'm-pretending-I-don't-know-you thing afterwards.

Now, though... Now Stiles definitely has a crush on Derek, and this time he definitely knows he has a crush on Derek, which is an important distinction. Not that it matters that he has a crush on Derek, really, given the circumstances, but yay for self-awareness.

Beside Stiles, Lydia sighs deeply and dithers, "I suppose I could order the salad if I asked for it without the feta, the dressing, or the croutons..."

Stiles looks over at her, thinking that he wouldn't even subject his dad to a salad that's nothing but plain lettuce and tomatoes, and sees she's not even talking to him. She's on her phone again, texting someone. Probably complaining about this date. At the angle she's holding her phone, he can't quite read it. He's not sure he wants to anyway. He has a sinking suspicion his pride wouldn't survive it.

God, this was a bad idea. He should've listened to Scott and gone for the traditional dinner-and-a-movie thing. Only, he hadn't wanted to be traditional. Traditional is boring. He wanted to take her somewhere fun. He wanted to wow her.

He's starting to suspect he and Lydia have very different definitions of “fun.”

Stiles winces and glances back over at Derek, who's drifted a little closer, looking up at the menu.

God. The only thing worse than bombing this date with Lydia would be having Derek know he's bombing it.

The only thing to do, really, is to make sure Derek doesn't see him.

Naturally, that's when Derek's head swivels around, like he can just sense Stiles watching him, and his eyes meet Stiles'.

Fuck.

Derek's eyes widen minutely in recognition, and then he's saying something to his girlfriend (date? friend?) and they're both making their way over. He has his hand on the small of her back. Probably not just a friend.

"Crap," Stiles mutters. He looks around wildly. If he were here alone, he could probably wiggle between some people and escape into the crowd, but he's not alone. He's with Lydia, who's still poking frustratedly at her phone and not paying the slightest bit of attention to Stiles' freak-out. There's no way—

"Stiles," Derek says, stopping in front of him before Stiles has figured out what to do. “Hi.”

Fuck, it's been six years and Derek's voice still makes his heart start racing.

“I thought you were living in New York,” Stiles says, then bites his lip, because he shouldn’t know that. He found out from Facebook.

“I was,” Derek says. “I hated it.”

“Oh,” Stiles says, trying not to look too hopeful.

The corner of Derek’s mouth turns up. Then he seems to notice Stiles isn't alone, and the almost-smile disappears. "Are you on a date?" His eyes slide from Stiles to Lydia and back to Stiles, and there's just enough incredulity there, like he can't believe Stiles could land someone like her, that Stiles grits his teeth.

"I am, actually," he says, straightening. "First date. This is Lydia. Lydia, this is—" He glances at her, but she's drifted over to say hi to Derek's date, and neither of them seems to be paying much attention to Stiles and Derek.

“Uh, never mind.” He turns back to Derek. Fuck, Derek is hot. He was hot in high school, too, obviously, but that was different, a Derek who was still kind of baby-faced and lanky, a Derek who hadn’t quite grown into his ears. This Derek has stubble, and he’s wearing this thick, forest-green cable knit sweater that should look terrible but doesn’t, it just highlights all of Derek’s muscles, and his eyes are still that amazing, indefinable hazel-blue-green, and were his eyelashes always that long? And just. Why does he have to look like that?

“I’m on a date, too,” Derek says, as if Stiles hasn’t figured that out yet. “Also a first date. Her name’s Allison. We met on OkCupid.”

Stiles can’t help it, he bursts out laughing. “Okay, I was not expecting that. Wow. What I wouldn’t give to see your online dating profile. Oh my god.”

“My sister set it up,” Derek grumbles, sticking his hands in his pockets. The tips of his ears are pinking up. Stiles probably shouldn’t find that as attractive as he does. He can’t help it.

“Nice sweater you’ve got there,” he says, because as much as the idea of Derek hunched over a laptop browsing OkCupid amuses him, he doesn’t really want to talk about Derek dating other people. “You wear that on all your first dates?”

Maybe it comes out a little more sarcastic than he intended, or maybe it’s just that Derek is remembering the tone of every single conversation they ever had in high school, because he stiffens and crosses his arms in a gesture Stiles recognizes immediately from high school, that classic Derek Hale I'm-about-to-one-up-you look, and replies, “You wear that baggy eye-searing plaid shirt on all of your first dates?”

“Are you still buying all of your clothes at thrift stores?” Stiles shoots back, mentally screaming at himself, No no no, what are you doing, abort, this is not how you apologize for all that stuff in high school—

“At least I don’t dress like a twelve-year-old,” Derek says.

“Debatable,” Stiles snips, even though it isn’t, really. What Derek is actually wearing is more like an old man sweater, and it’s unfair and kind of devastating that it’s not diminishing Derek’s attractiveness at all.

“Yeah, well, your beard makes you look like some kind of shady drug dealer.”

And wow, low blow. Stiles has been working for months on this facial hair, okay? It is a work of art. In progress. “Yeah, well, I don’t care what you think.” (Lie.) “Lydia likes it.”

He looks over to confirm this, but Lydia isn’t there anymore. She’s migrated a few feet away to sit down at a table with Derek’s date. It looks like they’re in the middle of a deeply engaging conversation, their heads bent together, all soft smiles. Lydia’s even put her phone away. As he watches, she teasingly reaches across the table to tuck a strand of Allison’s hair behind her ear for her. It doesn’t look very platonic.

When he glances back, Derek’s dropped the bravado. He just looks awkward, hands hanging at his sides, watching his date flirt with someone else.

"Oh," Stiles says, deflating.

"Yeah," Derek says.

*

Derek's date says, “Um, thanks for today, but,” and Derek says, “I see,” and she says, “You're great, really, it's just,” and Lydia pipes up, “This wasn't going that well anyway, was it?” and long story short, Stiles' date and Derek's date wander off to get a coffee together, arm-in-arm.

That leaves Stiles and Derek standing around awkwardly in the middle of the food court, not looking at each other.

"I thought this was a cool date idea," Derek mutters finally, resentfully.

Stiles sighs. "Me too. I mean, what could be better than Serial Killers of the Victorian Era?"

"That was my favorite exhibit, too," Derek says, perking up. "I didn't get to see it all, though. Allison wanted to get lunch."

"Yeah, same," Stiles sighs. "It wasn't really Lydia's thing."

Derek glances at him sidelong. "Hey, do you think you'd want— I mean, we've got these tickets, we've already paid to be here, so maybe, if you wanted, we could... together?"

Stiles scoffs automatically, but Derek keeps looking at him. "Oh, you're serious."

"Yeah," Derek says. “I mean, if… if you’re not too put off by my Goodwill sweater?”

“No,” Stiles snorts. As if. “You’re not too put off by my drug dealer beard?”

Derek’s eyes drift down to his mouth. “It’s... not the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

A giddy feeling is starting up just under Stiles’ breastbone. "Well, all right then. Why the hell not."

[hannibaltabu]

"Amazing. Everything you said in that sentence was wrong."

I just got done listening to the Mr. MoKelly spoiler-filled Nerdcast on Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

I was supposed to be on the podcast (and I was counted near the end), but I had to appear on a special edition of the Hall H Show podcast to promote the brand new Black Com!x Day in San Diego, February 17, 2018. I love Mo and Tawala, I love Star Wars and I love Nerdcast but this was about promoting independent Black comics, a financial benefit for me, so I had to make a call. Plus, my wife is in Cuba and couldn't pick up my youngest from Shakespeare rehearsal on this side of town, since the Nerdcast is in Burbank.

Regardless, I liked The Last Jedi even more after seeing it twice, and the following -- like the Nerdcast itself -- will be chock full of spoilers. If you have not seen the movie, you might wanna move on. Unlike their show, mine will have no profanity. Most of what I have to say will be a rebuttal, so I'll start with a declarative statement:

I can admit it's not an amazing movie, but I really thought it was a fantastic Star Wars movie. I liked.

... and then ...

Still amazing after the second screening. I'm in Normas Lee happy with this film.

iOS dictation made that weirder than I intended, but whatever. That was supposed to be "enormously happy."

Okay, here we go ...

Mo said there was nothing quotable about The Last Jedi. Ignoring the title of this post there was ...

"This isn't gonna go the way you think!" (used a lot with my kids already)

"The greatest teacher, failure is."

"He's a troublemaker. I like him."

"Hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it ..." "... you'll never make it through the night."

"I'd like to put my fist through this whole awful, beautiful city." (may have missed a word on this one)

"Permission to jump in an X-Wing and go blow something up?"

"I really don't want to do this right now."

"... I'll hold."

I was cracking up too hard to get the "Have you seen some weakness in my apprentice?" speech.

Mo said, "We know nothing about Rey."

Kylo made her admit the truth: her parents were not some cosmic royalty. They were not high ranking Jedis. They were civilians, normal jerks. The darkness rose, so the Force -- always making Force sensitive children -- dumped a bungload of midi-chlorians (or whatever) into Rey and made her powerful. The stable hand boy with Rose's ring on the casino world could be next, as he already has control over some of his telekinesis.

This fits Disney's mold incredibly well, making Rey a new everywoman heroine. Anyone can be this powerful. It could be you. That is gonna sell a bungload full of merch.

Mo said: "We learned nothing about this principle cast."

Finn has been hugged twice in his life now and kissed once, leading him to do all kinds of crazy and sometimes stupid things. About 2/3 of the way in, he grew up a little, and beating Phasma freed him from a lot

Poe Dameron was not a believer, he was a gun set in one direction. In a different world, he could have been the most dangerous pilot in the First Order's apparatus. It took a lot for him to start to mature so he could lead instead of just fighting, which he did mostly because of his parents (as seen in the Marvel comic).

Leia wants to pass the mantle of leadership on to Poe, her new "son," into whom she has poured all her lost hopes from Ben Solo. That tragic tale led her to do all kinds of interesting things, from demoting him to stunning him.

We got a LOT from Rose, who grew up poor, lost everything to the First Order, lost her sister fighting back, was inspired by Finn, who she had a crush on and then had to deal with the real guy, then saw that she still was attracted to him once he tried to not be the idiot he's been for so long. She was likened to Knives Chau from Scott Pilgrim, which I thought was a spot on analysis by Thomas Cunningham the 4th (we're rarely on the same side, so this was weird).

Ben Solo never had a chance. He had too many expectations heaped on his shoulders, was too powerful and had a master who knew too little. He got the Obi-Wan treatment and it ended essentially the same way, with him under the sway of a powerful, organized Dark Side user.

Luke was broken by every failure in his life. He accomplished exactly two things in his whole life -- the first Death Star at Yavin and "allegedly" turning Vader (which no one can prove, honestly). He failed his sister, he failed his friend, he failed his nephew -- all at the same time -- and wasn't man enough to do anything about it, instead pointing to his organization's history as a precedent for him to give up. Sadly, that fits whiny farm boys from Tattooine (who either failed into the Dark Side or this) and Mark Hamill acted his butt off in this role.

Leia had become everybody's favorite auntie, as quoted and shown in the reverence she's showed by everyone on screen. She played the role well, from "I changed my hair" to shooting Poe to revealing Holdo's plan.

The casino sequence got Finn to his resolution with Phasma and swings the camera to the new Force sensitive kid. That doesn't happen without the casino scene. Saying it was a dumb sidequest ignores the plot's development.

Tawala is mad at the X-Wing working so well on the dreadnaught, ignoring the fact that the large scale, shock and awe philosophy of the Empire (sampled enthusiastically by the Cosplay Empire, also known as the First Order, but never really played originally by the latter) has a well documented weakness against snub fighters. The First Order are so hell bent on recreating the Empire that they didn't learn anything, which makes the Yoda quote even more interesting. The Jedi failed. The Republic failed twice. The Sith failed. The Empire failed. The First Order ain't doing so well. What is the galaxy trying to teach its inhabitants that they're not hearing? That's the question that most haunts me from this film.

Likewise, Tawala asked why not send in a fleet of X-Wings. The Resistance was on the ropes. They lost ALL their bombers in one run on a single dreadnaught, which wasn't even the biggest thing the Kuat Shipyards ever built (the Eclipse was much longer, dunno if bigger). The Dreadnaught was a fleet killer -- and against capital ships, that's likely true. They could barely field the fighters they had.

Mo said, "There's no gravity in space." There is gravity in the bombers. Momentum would carry the bombs through the vacuum. I was more mad that the bombers were so slow.

Tawala is mad about Rey's dream sequence from The Force Awakens not matching the recollections of two people who were actually there. That's illogical. The dream sequence was an interpretation of the facts, not a retelling of it. Many on the podcast kept trying to say The Force Awakens is a factual recollection of events. That's clearly -- based on this -- not true. Despite the fact that it doesn't matter, based on new canon from the Darth Vader Marvel comic, lightsabers turn red when they are bloodied in anger.

The emperor's "As I have foreseen" was not prescience it was psychology. The Dark Side cannot be reliably used for information. Tawala and Mo misunderstand how the Emperor worked. His myth was way bigger than his actual ability. All of the movies have proven that Dark Side users are limited in their ability to gain knowledge and prescience from the Force.

Mo judging Snoke by the Emperor's yard stick is not judging this movie on its own terms. Snoke was what he needed to be. Historically, I want to know where he was around Endor and what he was doing, but I can move on now without questioning it, despite his vast power.

I can also tell my Star Wars Ring Theory link didn't get absorbed by the class here ... if you love Star Wars you should check it out, it messes with your understanding of a lot, especially the prequels.

It takes maybe 60 seconds for a non-powered person to die in vacuum. For the daughter of Vader to telekinetically figure how to save herself in that amount of time is not implausible. Leia's force abilities already shown? Communication across distances, sensing the safety of her brother from a distance. This isn't that big a leap for someone of her heritage given how far Rey got without training.

Someone wondered why Yoda's Force ghost wasn't fighting the First Order. Yoda is free from the cycle of life's struggles. He needed to teach one last lesson to his final student. To say he should fight the First Order after he already died is illogical, even if there was a powerful enough Force user in the Resistance who could reach him. You also forget the Bindu, which was a largely spiritual creature, could use lightning as a weapon too.

"Face" /= kill. Tawala forgot that in ROTJ Yoda told Luke he must "face" Vader before he could become a Jedi. Luke (like Tawala) misunderstood and said, "I can't kill my father" or something. You forget that Jedi lie and misdirect a lot. Spirit, come on, guys, this is stuff in movies we've seen a million times.

Mo thinks that he was cheated because he didn't know why everyone was after Luke as a non-factor. If Malcolm X or Marcus Garvey magically appeared today and went to the middle of Times Square to start speaking through my mobile 15" speaker, it would galvanize a freaking nation and terrify the power structure. Luke the Jedi wasn't the threat and even Luke said that. Luke the Legend was what Snoke had to stop, what Kylo had to exceed, what Leia wanted to manipulate. The Legend could inspire, could sway worlds and systems to resist. Luke the Jedi was just moderately successful. He was nobody's #1 seed. He was a Cinderella story wild card winner.

I will admit to wondering why no star destroyers went to lightspeed away and then jumped back in front of the Rebels until I remembered that Hux is literally bad at everything he does.

"Two hours in the middle" doesn't give credit to the entertaining dialogue, doesn't give credit to the time for character development for Poe under Holdo's stoicism, doesn't count Leia's "you made me get out of this bed" and shooting her favorite boy ... tripping, Tawala.

Tawala asked about arms purchasing but doesn't know that the Empire worked with the Mining Guild and the Banking Clans even after the New Order was established. Likewise, comics canon show that the Empire subcontracted a lot of weapons development, as does the Tie Defender program on Lothal.

Rick asked how Benicio del Toro (or as Mo called him, "Benicio del Lando," which was fair) knew about the small ships. While Poe was trying to mutiny, he told Finn about them while Benicio was hacking the door. Rick apparently missed that.

IN SUMMATION:

My final ranking of all the Star Wars films based on my tastes.

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

Episode 8: The Last Jedi

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones

Episode 4: A New Hope

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

Rogue One

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Episode 7: The Force Awakens, or whatever

Ideologically, the BBC's Will Gompertz wrote a review I pretty much agreed with that summed up my thoughts.

These are my opinions. In the immortal words of the philosopher Robert Ginyard, "you don't like it, so what? I don't care."

[twentysomethinginorlando]

MegaCon Part Two: Meet Your Heroes

New Post has been published on https://twentysomethinginorlando.com/megacon-part-two/

MegaCon Part Two: Meet Your Heroes

Memorial Day decided it wanted to be even busier than usual this year. Rather spending my Thursday night finishing my cosplay preparations, I found myself at a movie in full pirate garb with my friends before our trip to MegaCon on Friday. You can read about this, and the morning’s adventures in MegaCon Part One: But First, Cosplay.

Thankfully, it didn’t take me too much longer to find the most important booth at MegaCon: Karen Hallion’s. If you’re not familiar with her work, Miss Hallion does amazing art. She is most famous for her crossover art with Disney characters and Doctor Who, but she does so much more than that. Lately she’s developed an original character named Celara that I really like. My favorite part of her is this cute little orange fox/cat/critter sidekick who reminds me of a cross between Duffy and my cat. I can’t wait to see what kind of adventures the little guy goes on. I’ve met Miss Hallion at the last two MegaCons. She’s just the nicest person and takes time with everyone even though her booth is always slammed. The best part is I somehow manage not to turn to Jell-O when I talk to her. I picked up a print of Celara and the TARDIS. I was torn between that one and the Hamilton one, but that’s just because the little fox looks so darn cute in his outfit. I like Hamilton but I’m much more a Whovian. I asked her if the fox has a name yet, and she told me the two she’s debating between but she’s stuck because she wants it to be just perfect.

I completely understand. This blog had a whole lot of titles before I settled on this one.

As I was finishing talking to Miss Hallion and putting my print away, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around expecting it to be someone asking for a photo and there was a guy with a microphone asking if he could interview me. Okay. That’s different. Well, why not.

He asked me about why I was Korra with a keyblade, and then he asked me about how I felt about the lesbian undertone of the ending of the series. I might have slightly bitten his head off without meaning to when I corrected him that Korra and Asami are bisexual, not lesbians. I get really angry about that. I also talked about how annoyed I am that is literally all anyone wants to talk about now that it ended that way. The show stood on its own well before that final scene.

Frozen Gaming interviewing me.

I think my aggressiveness sort of scared him and the interview ended quickly. At least I think it did. Apparently I do better when you put a camera in my face than I do when trying to talk to celebrities. The guy with the camera man was dressed as Ash from Pokémon and he apologized for their ambushing me, and gave me a card with their YouTube information. Their name is Frozen Gaming and much like me, I think they’re just starting out and I wish them luck.

You can see the interview here, but they cut most of it. Warning: Some of the language in the video is NSFW.

The new print wouldn’t fit in the bag with the first two prints, so I stopped at a random booth to see if they had a bag. They did, and she was very nice, and I wound up buying three postcard prints from her. Pikachu and Barry Allen for me, the Punisher for Jay.

We wandered the floor until a little after two when I was starting to get over whelmed with the crowds. I have worked in one of the world’s busiest theme parks and yet MegaCon phases me, because that makes sense. We headed back to the food area to find a place to sit for a bit and I rechecked the schedule. I had forgotten about the Improvengers show and now it was too late to line up. There were only two other panels I wanted to see: the Hillywood Show and James Marsters’. Sadly they were within half an hour of each other, and James Marsters obviously won.

I wasn’t sure what the line would be like for his panel, but I remember how crazy the Firefly panel lines were two years prior so we went ahead upstairs to line up. Basically this meant we got to camp on the floor for a while and rest and recharge, and look at our phones for the first time all day. I reached out to a couple of friends I knew were there, but hadn’t seen yet, and we agreed to meet after the panel. I had also been looking for a particular booth all day in Artist Alley and hadn’t seen it, so I went to their Facebook to ask the booth number.

While we were waiting, I saw a Black Widow and Star Lord walk by with their own keyblades, and I had to chase after them to get a photo. I didn’t want to interrupt them before they got in line, and we got some nice person in line to take photos on both Black Widow’s and my phones. We compared construction techniques, and I have a few ideas I want to steal to improve mine in the future.

Kingdom Hearts crossovers are popular this year!

They let us into the room around 3:30, and, boy, do I like walking around a keyblade on my shoulder. It makes it really hard for people to move past you. Having an intimidating pirate next to you also helps. We wound up in the second row after the VIP section and I left the keyblade across our laps until the row was filled. We talked through what all we still wanted to do before we left and made a list so we wouldn’t miss anything.

The panel actually started exactly on time to my surprise. I thought he might be late again. They played a highlight reel of his many roles over the years, and I was extremely disappointed the shot of him jumping on top of the coffin in “Once More, With Feeling” was not in there. The host welcomed him out and went over the rules for questions. Before he took the first question, James asked everyone in the audience to put their hands in their air and “scream like your team won the thing”.

Someone asked about a charity he just won an award for, and he talked about CASA, which is an association that helps foster children. Someone asked about how he got into acting, and apparently when he was fourth grade he played Eeyore in a school play. The live action Winnie the Pooh film Disney is doing got brought up and now someone would want him to do Eeyore’s voice. His response was absolutely perfect, in the exact voice, “Oh, Pooh.” Now I will be heartbroken if anyone but James Marsters plays Eeyore. He was asked about his work on the audio books of the Dresden Files, which Jay tried to explain to me and I quickly shushed him. I have never gotten around to reading them, but I know about them. “I have no idea why Jim Butcher picked me. No idea whatsoever.” He was asked about the hardest episode he had to shoot on Buffy, and he talked about how difficult the bathroom scene was, and the toll it took on him. “It put me in therapy. Which actually turned out to be a good thing because I’m much happier now.” He talked about where that story line came from, and the struggle and triumph of Spike gaining his soul. He talked about some of the struggles of going from stage acting to film, and “trying not to lie to the audience”.

Someone asked about his role on Torchwood. He had been on tour with his band, Ghost of the Robot, and his road show manager refused to go out to dinner with him because Doctor Who was on. So they ordered room service and watched it in her room, and within fifteen minutes he was hooked. He went down to his agent’s room and asked him to try to get him a role on Doctor Who. Russel T. Davies said no, but they had a perfect role for him on Torchwood, and they had been looking for someone to fill it. He also talked about being interviewed by the BBC for the homophobic backlash against Torchwood, and his response was apparently, “We’ve got a backlash!? That’s great!”

He was asked his favorite role he had ever played. Without hesitation he said, “Spike. Absolutely Spike. If you asked me to pick between Hamlet and Spike, and Joss is good but Shakespeare’s just a little bit better, sorry Joss, but I’d pick Spike. Absolutely.” Then my favorite question was about his favorite episode, because it turns out we have this in common.

Apparently the cast was very nervous about the musical because they thought Joss was “flushing the show”, but they decided to do the best they could anyway and hope it didn’t suck. Well, it certainly doesn’t suck. It’s my favorite episode of anything that has ever happened.

He also loved killing the Anointed One.

The time was up far too quickly, but I’m so happy this was the one panel I made time for. Three years ago, I had never seen Buffy. Then I didn’t understand why Spike was so popular when he was such a bad guy, then I was cheering as he and Buffy kissed at the end of “Once More, With Feeling”. His line to Buffy at the end of the series about how he loves her was one of my favorite quotes long before I ever saw the show, and I was so beyond happy it was his line.

We filed out of the panel and I stopped for a picture with a spot-on Buffy cosplayer before we went to find my friend Kimberly. Sadly she was in the South Concourse and I was in the North, but she was leaving soon and I was determined to find her. Tradition must be upheld and I have pictures with her at every MegaCon.

It thankfully didn’t take us too long to get across the building and I found her as Black Widow with our friend Mihn as Chirrut. I finally got to introduce Jay to her and we talked for a few minutes before we headed back to the floor. It was already five and we still had several things to cross off our list.

Our first stop was the Hillywood Show table. I had been putting this off because I wanted to meet them, but didn’t know what to say. They’re two sisters who do parodies, and while they aren’t the only reason I started making them myself, they definitely influenced me. Going up and telling them that would be awkward though, and probably giving them too much credit. So I decided I would just ask for a photo, because then I could meet them and it wouldn’t be weird, right?

Wrong.

The only way to get a photo was to buy something, which is fine except they only had merchandise from their three latest parodies: Sherlock, Supernatural and Suicide Squad. Three fandoms I am not a part of to begin with, and I like their older parodies better. I told them as much when they asked which was my favorite, “Harry Potter Deathly Hallows Part 2.” “Oh but that one’s so old!” Long story short, I wasn’t getting a photo without paying ten dollars and it just wasn’t worth what I make an hour to me. Not when I just wanted to talk to them for a moment. Lesson learned, never meet your heroes. (Well, sometimes. Miss Hallion and Robby Cook were great!) I tried not to tear up when I walked away. It wasn’t that upsetting, it was just a very long day without a lot of sleep and it hurt my feelings a little.

Author Nick Braker.

Our next destination was the booth whose number I had to track down on Facebook. Nick A. Braker is a science-fiction writer from my hometown, and his son Chris was one of my best friends in college. Last year I’d been posting on Twitter about heading to MegaCon and he’d texted me I should go see his parents. Well I did, and then I had dinner at their house when I was home for my birthday last year, so I wanted to go say hi.

He’s one heck of a writer. He’s turned out three books in a very short time and he’s got two more coming. If everything goes according to plan, I’ll hopefully be venturing back into video production to produce some book trailers for him.

Now all we had to do was find the three booths we wanted to buy things from and we could leave. This should have been simple. It was not.

I wanted to find Brandon Kenney’s booth so I could buy his Lilo and Stitch Splash Mountain print and the booth with the Disney Parks style buttons. Jay wanted to find the independent fairy tale comic so he could get the preview issue. After wandering in circles through the aisles for twenty minutes with no luck, I went back to Karen Hallion’s booth because I knew I could find her. She collaborates with Mr. Kenney on occasion so I knew she would know where his booth was and her sister and business manager gave me directions. Miss Hallion happened to be standing in front of his booth when I got there, and I said, “Oh, I could have just followed you!” I couldn’t decide if I wanted the big or small Splash print, and Jay told me to just get the big one. I also picked up the pack of three Stitch stickers he had.

We resumed our wandering and I still had the change in my hand, which proved dangerous as I impulse bought a big Pikachu sticker for my bullet journal. Well, at least it has a purpose.

I straight up lucked into finding the Disney Parks buttons booth. I even followed him on Instagram earlier in the day and wasn’t smart enough to look there to see if he had his booth number posted. They were two for five so I picked Gaston and BB-8. I could have happily bought them all, and some of his prints, but I was trying not to go overboard. The artist’s name is Joey Quintin and he had a series of Disney characters dressed as cast members that was just fantastic. I asked him why Anna got to be a Skipper, and admittedly his reasons were good. He asked who I would want to see. “I don’t know, but I am a Skipper so I’m a little picky!” “That’s fair.”

Jay was ready to give up on finding the independent comic booth, but I was determined. It was the only thing he had really wanted all day, and it did look extremely cool. One of the main characters was the son of the Big Bad Wolf and he was on the cover with a brunette Aurora. We thought we knew the general area and we knew they had black and white sketches hanging on either side of the booth, but of course after a while everything just blends together. We went in circle after circle, and I must have passed the Brakers ten times now that I knew where they were. I was getting increasingly frustrated, but I do not give up easily. The warning message played that the show floor would be closing in half an hour, so we were almost out of time. Neither of us had been smart enough to take a picture of the booth or the name of the comic to look in the program.

ARGH.

Hero Cats!

I got distracted by the Hero Cats booth and wound up buying a comic and a button, but it’s literally about cats saving the world so I feel like that was another good impulse buy.

After about fifteen more minutes of circling, I finally spotted the booth and raced over to them. “Oh thank goodness.” The artist had returned and I honestly think we confused him and the nice woman we’d spoken to earlier, but I was so out of breath.

They had two comic options, the normal one which was one out of five hundred, or the variant which was one out of a hundred. The normal was $10, and the variant was, well Jay heard $50 and I heard $15 and I don’t which one of us was right because I bought the normal one. It came with a free black and white print, but of course the one Jay wanted wasn’t actually a print.

It was an original sketch. He offered to make a print of it and we could pick it up at a future con, but I elected to take the Beast print home and buy a second comic in the future. The series is titled The Chronicles of Zelaria: Dynasty of Darkness and Jay now owns #106 out of five hundred of the preview issue. I haven’t looked at it much yet, but I am already looking forward to seeing more after the description the author gave us while we were there.

We could finally head out, and began the long trek back to the car. I had tried to be good about switching which shoulder I carried the keyblade on throughout the day, but my back was aching. Jay’s pirate boots were killing him, and we were very happy to start stripping off the outer layers of our cosplays. I hadn’t realized how little my vest breathed until I took it off.

I hadn’t wanted to try to carry Duffy and the keyblade so he had to stay in the car. He didn’t seem too mad at me thankfully, I did let him watch Pirates the night before.

MegaCon is absolutely one of my favorite things about living in Orlando. I’m a little sad I didn’t get to go more days, there were other celebrities I would have liked to see like the Flash stars and Stan Lee. I’ve seen Stan Lee twice before, and he’s wonderful but this is his final Florida appearance. Getting off work on a holiday weekend is just too difficult in the hospitality industry, but I’ll be there at least one day next year. I never plan on missing it.

A pretty good haul!

Cost: A one day ticket purchased in advance was $41 after tax. The four day option I was looking at previously was $99 before tax. My portion of the photo op was $35. I probably spent close to $40 on cosplay supplies, and another $30 towards the keyblade, but a good chunk of that was the jigsaw which we won’t have to purchase again. I came home with a little less than half of my original spending cash. Parking was $15.

Duration: All day, whether you go for one or four.

Value: Absolutely worth it. Can’t wait to see who they announce for next year.

Add Ons: There are VIP ticket options, autographs and photos. The prices change from year to year based on what guests are attending.