#i can feel my inner teenager healing as we speak | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mvltisstuff · 2 years ago

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What about a fic where reader is Evan’s sister and gets into a bad car accident? Lots of angst but also some fluff please. 🫶🫶

slipping through my fingers - e.b

summary: request :)

evan buckley x sister!reader (a lot of maddie too 🩶)

a/n: i have an eddie diaz oneshot in the drafts currently that i’ve been debating on posting. it contains a pretty sensitive subject, so i really wanted to get it right. it was inspired by another request, along with another show. i hope you enjoy this and i’ll keep on writing some more for you guys :))

y/n could say growing up with as the youngest buckley wasn’t the easiest task. the consistency of begging for attention was draining from the start. going above and beyond for just a grain of appreciation was the default in their house. she was repeatedly looked through, almost as if she wasn’t there due to her parents grief.

she had come after buck in a desperate attempt to be able to save david, but failed in the end. he was gone too soon, so therefore, y/n was almost like a chore. sure, her parents loved her, but she wasn’t the child they wanted. dealing with the discovery of why she wasn’t loved enough was just as bad as experiencing it. maddie was in boston with doug, and buck had gone onto his own adventures. meanwhile y/n was stuck at home with nowhere to go and no plans of leaving. she dreamed about it, though. she heard about buck moving to los angeles and immediately wanted to be with him. she was almost done with college, and after that, she packed up her diploma and degree and flew away.

life in california was amazing. she had friends, she was loved, and she had no reminders of the lonesomeness she felt at home. for once, she was able to make a home out of where she was. maddie was safe, and it felt like they were a fixed version of their family.

out of the pure intentions in her heart, y/n invited her distant parents back to LA. with maddie expecting a new baby, and the years of a few texts, there was a new hope that maybe things could be turned around. it wouldn’t change their childhood experiences, but maybe they could heal them. maddie was on board, but buck was still skeptical. their words were like knives and the scars couldn’t be helped. he showed up anyway, wanting to give maddie and her baby the opportunity to have a life with them.

they travelled six hours, and chimney and maddie were gracious enough to host a dinner for everyone. maddie received hugs and gifts as buck and y/n were kind of nudged away. when maddie got her baby box that her parents had from when they were kids, buck and y/n had just become dusty figures. they didn’t say anything, at least not about that.

an explosive speech from buck had ignited from the judgmental words from their parents, causing him to be begging for love and expressing his inner teenage self. he had removed himself from the dining room of the apartment, and y/n sat in her seat, slumped over with her head in her hands.

“god, can you guys please just do something other than reprimand us?” y/n breaks the awkward silence.

“we were just speaking, y/n!” says their father. “if evan wants to storm out, let him.”

“well, maybe he wouldn’t have stormed out if you didn’t nit-pick ever part of his life.”

“you invited us, y/n. i don’t know what you want us to say. you know what we went through-“

“and you think that’s an excuse? if so, it’s a shitty one and we all know it. no parent should have to say goodbye to a child, but no child needs to go unloved because they don’t care anymore. and you didn’t even bat an eye when he begged you to ‘love him anyway’. so if you want to sit here, and tear down everything we have build from your actions, be our guest.”

“you always defend your siblings, y/n. you guys have never once put yourself in our shoes!” their mother cries out.

“oh, trust me, we did. for over 20 years,” maddie breaks in.

“how do you think we feel, maddie? you all just packed up your stuff and ran away to leave us with nothing,” speaks their father, again.

“dad, i can’t… i can’t do this. everything i did, i did it myself. i made this life here for myself! so did maddie, so did buck. don’t go putting yourselves on a pedestal,” she begins to gather her things, and put hers and bucks dinner plates away for maddie and chimney.

“where are you going?” chimney says, trying to calm everything down and he’s definitely in the most awkward situation.

“chim, thank you for dinner and letting us come over. you’re welcome over to my place anytime. i’m sorry, but i’m going to see my brother,” y/n says, shutting the door behind her.

while maddie stays back, trying to pick up the broken pieces, y/n drives over to bucks apartment. she repeatedly calls him, making sure he’s okay and to say that she’s coming over. the roads were dark from the early sunsets of the fall, barely illuminated from the streetlights.

“buck,” she says into her phone. “i know you’re pissed off, and im sorry i arranged this. but i need to know you’re ok, so im on my way over. please call me back.”

she ends the voicemail and tries to put her phone back into the holder. it slips out of her shaky hands and onto the floor of the seat. she groans out, worried he would call her back and she wouldn’t be able to answer. she doesn’t reach down, but she looks at the phone on the floor.

a drunk, someone intoxicated with alcohol, must have been driving like a maniac. swerving through lanes with no warning and passing several signs. she tried so hard. she tried to move out of the way, but the spontaneous movements of the driver had confronted their cars head on.

the flash of white from y/n’s airbags flew out at her. the glass of her windshield was shattered, laying all over the dashboard and the seats. her head drooped onto her shoulder. the cuts on her face were stinging and the other pain in her body went unnoticeable due to shock. the soft ringtone of her phone was vibrating on the bottom of the car. the ringing in her ears caused the sound to be faded out, and she couldn’t even get it to call 9-1-1.

“maddie, hey,” buck says as maddie picks up the phone. “have you, uh, tried calling y/n? she left me so many calls and now she won’t answer.”

“no, i haven’t. she said she was coming to see you,” maddie replies, confused.

“where’s mom and dad?”

“the hotel, they left soon after her.”

buck pulls his phone away from his ear and the buzzing on his hand. y/n’s name appears across the screen. “oh, she’s calling me know,” he hangs up the phone and answers it to a bone-chilling sentence.

“is this evan buckley?” a deep, unknown voice asks in bucks ear.

y/n was awake in the ambulance, hearing all the chaos and jargon around her. she knew she’d never hear the end from buck, being a firefighter. she begged them to let him know, telling them repeatedly, “my brother works at the 118,” and how maddie is a dispatcher.

she was wheeled into the hospital on her stretcher, collar on and a big bandage around her waist for a massive piece of glass in her abdomen. “y/n buckley, 27, three-car pileup with an oblique fracture to the tibia and penetration wound to the abdomen, likely to not have hit any major organs.” and before she knew it, she was sped into the trauma rooms and given more morphine. she just wanted her brother and sister. not all these doctors or her parents.

buck picked up maddie on the way to the hospital, not thinking twice before smashing the gas pedal down. he ran through those doors like a strike of lighting, being seen in one place and somewhere else the next. he forced her name out to the nurse as maddie caught up to him. “relation to the patient?”

“brother, and sister,” he says, impatiently, both hands flat on the counter.

the nurse typed rapidly on her computer. “she’s in surgery, honey. but she’s stable.”

buck puffs out a sigh of relief as maddie grabs his arm, leading him to the waiting room. almost all of the 118 was in this hospital, like she was a firefighter herself. chimney had brought hen, and eddie had come as well as bobby. athena had told bobby, as she was the one who arrested the man who caused the crash.

buck tries to calm himself down remembers all the times he tried to one-up her and smiles at the memories. he and maddie exchange small and sweet memories of their little sister, as her life remains in the hands of someone else.

“hey,” maddie nudges him, trying to think of something to cheer him up. “remember when she stole 20’s out of our wallet to buy us christmas gifts?”

buck giggles a bit, “yeah, and then we tried playing tag, so we spun her around a ton of times and hid inside until she just sat there.”

“and then she fell down the stairs from being so dizzy,” maddie smiles.

“ruthless!” chim interrupts, sitting next to maddie.

“you know you two are what made it so hard to leave.”

“i know. imagine having to leave her all alone with mom and dad, though. she’s gotta be ok, maddie.”

“she will, buck. no one’s getting rid of her that easy.”

the doctor with a scrub cap on comes walking into the waiting room, followed by a few interns and others. “buckleys?”

maddie and buck shoot out of their seat first, and chimney and hen follow soon after like a train. “oh, my bad.” hen says, pulling her and chim back down to sit.

“what’s goin’ on, doc?”

“y/n will be fine. she had a fracture in her leg which we fixed up. she’ll need some help getting around, but she’ll be good as new,” the doctor informs.

they knew she would make it out, but hearing it being confirmed by the doctor made it so much more real. buck was speechless, not being able to mutter out any words. “can we see her?” maddie asks.

“you can, she’s still sedated from anesthesia and intubated, but cynthia, here, can lead you to the room.”

seeing y/n’s fragile and hurt body on the bed was an agonizing sight. maybe if buck hadn’t stormed out, she wouldn’t be in this bed and have come across that driver. maybe he could’ve driven her home. all the ‘if’s’ and ‘maybes’ in bucks head were floating through, thinking it’s his fault. he always takes the blame for these situations when it is completely the opposite.

buck sees tragedy every day, and maddie hears it. maddies only sister was in the small hospital room with a tube down her throat. she needed y/n there to help her, and her baby needed her aunt. buck needed his little sister, the one always there for him and forever will be. the thought of her not being there scared him to death. even though they see get rushed into the hospital or sent to the morgue every day, it will never prepare you from seeing your favorite people in that position.

buck stumbled over to the chair by the side of the bed, pulling it out for maddie to rest her aching feet. he walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down and grabbing lightly onto y/n’s hand like he was scared to break it. “i don’t know if we should say something. let her know we’re here, you know.”

“she knows, evan,” maddie says, meeting bucks eyes with her own. “i know that.”

buck smiles and looks down at y/n, her chest rising and falling with the hissing of the tubes and machines. he observes the iv’s and cuts and fresh new bruises. he wants to kill whoever did this, but at the moment, his only concern is the well-being of y/n.

so, for the rest of the night, maddie and buck didn’t move from their spots once until she was awoken and the tube was removed. they held her hand, and when y/n was awoken, she knew she was safe from the hands that were tangled with hers.

#911 #911onfox #bobby nash #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buckley fanfic #athena grant #henrietta wilson #evan buck buckley x reader #evan buckley x reader #maddie buckley #evan buckley one shot #evan buck buckely #evan buckley x y/n #evan buckley fanfiction

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ladamedusoif · 8 months ago

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Paper: A Visiting First Anniversary Update

Paper is the traditional gift for a first anniversary. What could be more fitting for a pair of academics still trying to figure out their future?

A year ago, I posted the first chapter of my first foray into fanfiction and my first attempt at writing fiction since I was a teenager. Visiting took a lot of courage to write, let alone to post; but the sheer pleasure in drafting and planning Ben and Lydia’s story made me feel I should share it.

There are still three chapters of the story to come, and I know I’ve been slow and not a very good or engaged writer.

Life has been complicated lately, and for various reasons it has just been easier not to be on here as much (if at all - and if it was noticed!) But I had to mark their anniversary, somehow. So, a year in, and with the story still unfinished, here are some reflections - and, if you read to the end, a (slightly smutty) sneak peek for chapter 13…

I launched the two dorks into a fic world dominated by DBFs and age gaps and all sorts of other tropes that Visiting just wasn’t, never would be. The tropes have shifted somewhat but their story still doesn’t speak to any of the big ones. That’s Ben and Lyd, though. They never were ones for following trends.

At times I’ve felt strongly that this wasn’t a story anyone really wanted, that it was my fault for writing it badly. Some chapters felt both vital and nigh impossible to write, as I second-guessed myself and the readership and wondered what I was doing wrong, exactly. And then sometimes a chapter I’d poured everything into just… went unseen, it seemed.

And then I would receive the most beautiful comments and responses to the story, as readers find it and connect on some level with Lydia, Ben, and their little world. In my sort-of Tumblr hiatus I know these comments have built up and I need to respond properly to each and every one. But know that I am eternally grateful, incredibly touched, and that many of them have made me cry. The same goes for the people who recommended the story on fic lists, who sent wonderfully kind anons about the work, who have made me want to keep going with it.

There is a bittersweetness to the anniversary of starting Visiting. There are people on here who were such vocal, enthusiastic cheerleaders of the story both in public and in DMs who just fell away after a chapter or two. (I still wonder if they have been keeping up.) There are people on here who I was so close with, who knew the motivations for the story and its inner workings, who chose, out of the blue, to act as if it - and I - no longer existed. Such is life. Such is the nature of online friendship. But it’s particularly strange when someone has been there for the drafting and writing and then…isn’t.

But such instances are in the minority. The readership for Visiting might be small, but it’s brought me into touch with some incredible, wonderful, generous people who have become firm friends. There is no greater feeling than knowing that your little story about two middle-aged academics finding themselves falling for each other when they least expected it is liked - heck, loved, even, by even one or two other people. (Tell your friends! More readers welcome! But you guys are the best ones.)

A final, more general observation about this story and why it exists. We have often seen statements on here about how dark!fic is “healing”, a way for people to work through experiences and issues in their own lives. I would argue that softer fic is healing, too - that healing doesn’t have to be sought or validated through creative explorations of brutality, violence, coercion and pain. It can be, of course - but it’s just as valid to seek it in stories that are softer, kinder, warmer, even. Lydia’s conviction that she is permanently broken, that she is fundamentally unlovable, could not be undone with anything other than love and safety. And the story does seem to have reached some people in that way, and for that I’m really delighted and proud.

And I’m really touched and grateful to all of you who have stuck with the story, have got in touch to comment, to ask if there’s more, to talk about how much you love it. You have no idea how much it means, truly. There is more coming: three chapters more, in fact, if I can just get my brain together. But, as a thank you and an anniversary gift, here’s a little bit from the next chapter:

You rest your head on his shoulder and bring your arms around his waist, hugging him close to you under the blankets as you enjoy the symphony of nocturnal sounds in the back yard.

He chuckles as you hold him tight. “You must know by now I’m not going anywhere, Lyddie.”

“Don’t laugh when I say this, but - sometimes I feel like I need to hold you extra close, just to be sure you’re real.”

He tilts his head and smiles at you. “That I’m real?”

“That you’re real. That all of it is real, Ben. I’m not used to things… working out, I guess. All my life I was left lonely or things fell apart, and - I still have to remind myself that yes, this is real, I’m not dreaming.” You sip your champagne thoughtfully as he kisses the top of your head, broad hands caressing your body.

“It’s real, love.” He kisses you again, gently squeezing your hip. “Even if I sometimes wonder how I got so lucky.”

You push away the blankets and wrap your arms around his neck as you begin to make out, his hand snaking up under the skirt of your floral-print summer dress and pressing greedily into the flesh of your thigh.

He breaks away to kiss and suck on your neck, pausing to whisper in your ear: “Does this feel real enough, baby?”

You give a little cry of pleasure before breaking into fits of giggles, grinning as you feel Ben’s smile against your skin. “I guess it’s pretty real, Ben, as these things go…”

“As these things go?!” He pulls back, leaving a parting kiss on your collarbone, before spreading out the blankets a little on the wooden decking. “Lie back, Lyd, and I’ll give you real.”

And now, if you don’t mind, I will enjoy a celebratory ice-cold Corona, and raise it to my idiots-in-love who are still waiting for their happy ending.

#visiting fic #happy anniversary bendie #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #mr ben snl #mr ben #visiting inspo #pedro pascal #ladamedusoif

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icanseethefuture333 · 1 year ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/icanseethefuture333/729959260547579904/healing-my-inner-child-and-learning-to-accept-im?source=share

I hate that you’re so relatable, but there’s one thing in which we differ: I’m literally unable to heal. I’m still stuck on all that I lost when I was a kid and a teenager, somehow having to do the most for everyone else and still have no voice of my own in the midst of traumatic experiences unfolding. You know that feeling? I’m still angry with everyone, but I think it might be hurting my progress cos I can’t let go. Idk anymore. I’m glad that you’re able to heal though, maybe one day I will too.

*sighs and sits down, takes a deep breath*

To be honest, we aren't different at all. For years I put off healing my inner child because it was so uncomfortable for me. I didn't dismiss my younger self or avoided her, but it was like I kept her at a arm's length. Kind of like having a child but not taking care of them fully, just only stopping by to play a game with them, then leave when they need you the most. I am just now learning to properly listen to my inner child and comfort her, because facing my trauma and accepting that is not me anymore is extremely painful. It's like I know how to take care of everyone but me and that's fucked up!

For people with trauma, we don't have to let go of what happened to us. We don't have to forget and move on. We just have to learn to get to a place where we accept it and find comfort within ourselves despite the things that happened to us. It's about loving who you are and finding a way to not let it control you, but finding ways to cope with it.

You are capable of healing anon. Anyone is capable of healing. You just have to be brave enough to want to heal and allow yourself to be like the Death tarot card. You have to be able to want change and allow yourself to transform for the better, even if it's painful. I feel like most people hear my experiences or my advice and think I just did it overnight or I have it easy, when I never did. My life has been so hard and I am still trying to get by every single day. I just have gotten to a place where I am wiser and think about what steps could lead me towards my happiness. So as long as I am focused on my goals and also making time for self care, I will be okay, but I don't surpass my emotions when I'm sad or angry.

Growing up in a household where there was arguing and chaos, made me feel really small in comparison. I felt like I didn't have a voice. At times I still don't feel like I have the freedom I deserve but I am being patient regarding that because I have faith that the universe has a plan for me. Which is why I even major in Communication in the first place because that's exactly what my family's weakest point is. Not being able to listen to each other, not speaking in a calm manner, etc. Generational trauma can be a very toxic cycle.

Just remember anon that when you say things like "I can't do this" or "I'm not able / or good enough to do xyz" you're just affirming that even more. You have to deprogram yourself from what others told you can and can't do, decide for yourself what you will do from this day on. You have the power to do whatever you set your mind to.

#ask #anon #personal #trauma #inner child healing

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whyamilikeiam · 2 years ago

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What is Depression?

In the times of Dickens or Trollope, there was no mention of these emotional problems. They were just trying to deal with living. Yet there were more early deaths then, than now. Families had to cope. But still, depression was not part of their conversation. Not for females, not for males.

Me? I've been through times of attempting suicide along with wishing to die at various times. So it is not that I don't understand. Even so, we can learn stuff from those harsh Victorian times. Boy, motivation was everything. That is what gives us hope and expectation.

So then, what if we don't have that in our lives?

And that is a starting point. Taken from my observations, my life experience, my scriptural understanding, this is my exposition on the subject.

I first tried to kill myself as a teenager, by taking, what I thought was poison - that's what the tablets said, if I took more than two. So I did. But guess what, I woke up the next morning.

I could go into details of my sin, my being found out, my fear of the outcome etc etc. But the thing that allowed my wrong choices, along with my fear of consequences, to loom so large, was that lack of ability to communicate to wise and caring parents. Hey, loads of us have been unwise and rather detached as parents, so I am not about to cast blame around. I also look back on my childhood, and also my own failings as a parent, and see how the parent can unwittingly lack in the nurture of our children. It is that attention and nurture that is needed, to produce confidence and motivation to treat the world as a place to explore and enjoy, and to see others as friends - not potential enemies.

OK, that was me then, and I also had other bouts that dogged me, but that's for later.

At a time of great upheaval, I started on the downward spiral, by this time I was in the middle east with my husband and 3 children. Thinking of dying to escape my feelings. But I came across a book and it was just a secular book, but it spoke about those who have died, including those who have tried to take their own lives, but they came back to life, to earth. And this particular book had effect on my thinking. I stopped thinking I should take my own life. So then I had to deal with life. Fortunately, heavenly things were coming together to start a process in my thinking and in my life. I was not backward in coming forward and I asked my friend if I could go to the Bible Study with her. [in the middle east - this was Sharjah - many nationalities came together as expats and she was part of a multinational, non-denominational Bible Study]. All good, but the main thing that was the instrument for change in my life, was a book called 'The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life. by Hannah Whitall Smith. That was what I was looking for, a happy life. And I was able to go further into my innate belief in a Creator God, and with the revelation and help of that book, I was on my way.

Things changed. A lot of my anger calmed down, and I was drawn to reading the Bible. Over the years, I had to wrangle with my new age beliefs and the Old Testament values - that people still wrangle with today. It was not quick, but once the Holy Spirit had been invited in, things started moving, including my growing understanding of Spiritual things.

Even so I still had some bouts of deep depression, usually precipitated by emotional challenges, involving other people. You see, my childhood [and emotional family legacy] did not disappear. We live in this world, and have to deal with all that has gone before which forms our responses, including our inner pain.

I can point to a few major upsets that sent me spiralling down and even with my deep belief and faith in a Living, healing God, I still felt dogged in the soul - the soul is our inner person, our inner man. How strong is our inner man, and what can we do with those heavy burdens? Pilgrim's Progress speaks strongly to the searching: 1678 — John Bunyan. The Pilgrim's Progress.He answered, Sir, I perceive by the book in my hand, that I am condemned to die, and after that to come to judgement [Heb. 9:27]

So in my last bout of depression - after my husband left - I started finding a way to keep my mind off my emotions. Fortuitously a friend mentioned spoken word books. That's what they were called more than two decades ago. Now they are everywhere and YouTube is an amazing resource for audiobooks.

I had been listening to Christian teaching tapes all my Christian life, so I was ready to expand my listening. I discovered all that was available in our local library on tape and CD [that was then!]. A wonderful modern day innovation to combat morbid thoughts!! Yes, try it! What a lovely freedom from soulish, miserable, depressive and destructive thinking, once I just let my mind become engrossed in novels.

I would recommend it to anyone, whatever your mindset, faith, emotional level. Just keep your mind engrossed. Do not let misery take you down into its depths!!

Just find the books you like, there are so many audiobooks of all genres available now.

Just try it, and be set free from those bad and deluded thought spirits, messing up your life.

#depression #spiritual health #emotions #soul ties #soul health #happy life #pilgrim's progress #die once and then the judgement

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redorich · 4 years ago

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OKAY okay but SW au, does Palpatine exist in this au (or Palpatine equivalent) and if so, does Tubbo and the gang butt heads with them? Or consider order 66 where Tommy survives and becomes more of a dark sider, or at least a grey Jedi, and finally joins with Tubbo and they take down Palpatine (or Palpatine equivalent)

They do just take the power for themselves, but they end up being much better than that other guy. Consider them giving the head of state title to Eret (because king shit), so they can have their own free time but have someone in their control in charge.

Darth Horrad thinks that he and his apprentice Darth Farious are the only Sith in the galaxy. It’s a reasonable conclusion; the Rule of Two has been in place for millennia. Darth Horrad’s current world domination scheme is especially insidious, of which he is quite proud; he’s mass-produced a wide array of genetically modified beings, all of which are footsoldiers of the Jedi in the war against the Hutts. (Of course, the Hutts are also under Darth Horrad’s control. Oh, how he loves playing the field!)

Darth Farious sweeps into Darth Horrad’s chambers. “My lord,” she says as she kneels, “you sent for me?”

“Yeees...” Darth Horrad drawls. “It is time.”

Darth Farious gasps. “You don’t mean--”

“I do,” says Darth Horrad. “Execute Order Sixty-Nine.”

---

“Master,” Eret gasps, skidding into Dlar’s Sunnyside Cafe. Tubbo and his guardian Philza are having a nice brunch. “Master, the Jedi temple on Coruscant is being attacked!”

Tubbo frowns thunderously, standing up so quickly that his chair topples. “I’ve got to go. Sorry, Philza, I’ll explain later.”

“Fuck ‘em up,” Philza says idly, sipping his tea.

Tubbo grins savagely, more a baring of teeth than a smile. “Oh, I will. I most certainly will.”

---

The moment Tubbo and Eret are outside the cafe, Tubbo pulls out his datapad and comms his two other apprentices.

“Yes, Master?” Hbomb asks at the same time Schlatt hisses, “I’m in a meeting!”

“Hbomb.” The seriousness in Tubbo’s voice causes everyone to straighten up. “You’re near Coruscant, aren’t you? The Jedi temple is under attack. Eret, give him the details.”

“Yessir,” Eret nods. “Darth Horrad made his move earlier than anticipated. His army of modded-beings is slaughtering the Jedi as we speak. The younglings are deep in the inner sanctum, and the padawans aren’t far off, but every on-planet Knight and Master is fighting or healing the wounded.”

Hbomb chews on his lip, sharp lucidity in his eyes in a way that’s usually intentionally covered up by a haze of mischeviousness. “You know I have an in with the Kaminoans-- are they the ones that modified Darth Horrad’s army?”

“Remember when I told you to throw your influence around to get the ‘special code’ from their ‘secretest project’?”

“Yeah, the guy I asked just about pissed himself,” Hbomb laughs.

“That’s the stand-down code,” Tubbo says. “Use it.”

“Got it,” Hbomb says, and goes to hang up. He’s stopped by a waved hand on Tubbo’s part.

“I don’t give a fuck about the Jedi,” Tubbo says coldly, “but I do give a fuck about Tommy, and if you let him get killed...”

A feeling like cold water runs down everyone’s spine at the Dark radiating from Tubbo. He would never threaten his apprentices with grievous harm, but the sentiment he’s sending through the Force completes his statement.

If you let him get killed, I’ll kill you.

“U-understood,” Hbomb says, and hurries to shut off his connection and get to work.

Tubbo turns his commanding gaze to the tiny hologram of his other apprentice. “Schlatt, you’ll be setting up a refuge for Force-sensitives, especially former Jedi. Spin it however you like-- charity, a PR play, tax evasion, whatever-- but I want this ready to go as soon as the dust settles. Now get back to your meeting.”

Schlatt nods, and hangs up without dismissal.

“And me, Master?” Eret asks.

Tubbo smiles. “You did well, informing me as quickly as you did. Thank you. You’ll be coming with me.” Tubbo starts walking to the parking lot, examining ships and deciding which one’s fast enough for him to bother hotwiring.

Eret speeds up to catch up to the teenage dark lord, who’s currently breaking into someone’s spaceship. “Where are we going?”

“I hope you’ve been practicing with your lightsaber,” Tubbo says, “because we’re going to annihilate Horrad. Not only him, but everything he stands for, everything he’s ever so much as touched. It’ll all be rubble beneath our heels.”

Eret hops into the passenger seat as Tubbo straps himself into the driver’s side. “Well,” Eret says with a grin,” I guess it’s a good thing I wore my stilettos, then.”

#i had SO MUCH FUN writing this oh my word #mcyt #dream smp #star wars au #tubbo #tommyinnit #philza #ph1lza #eret #hbomb #hbomb94 #jschlatt #me.cpp #Anonymous

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stagandsteer · 4 years ago

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Complete transcript of the Wonderland interview, by Catherine Santino, below the cut :)

In 1993, the year in which Freeform’s new thriller series Cruel Summer opens, actor Froy Gutierrez was yet to be born. Chat rooms and beepers, just two of the symbols of 90’s culture featured in the show, were absent in Gutierrez's own childhood. Instead, the 22 year old grew up among the endless, glowing feeds of social media — and the inevitable pressures that they create.

“There’s a kind of self-awareness that comes from growing up with the internet, which everyone in our cast did,” Gutierrez, who stars in the upcoming series, tells me over Zoom — his boyish charm tangible across the screen. “We’re all technically Gen Z or like, older Gen Z. And so you have to unburden yourself from curating a persona online.”

Due to the dizzying evolution of technology in the past two decades, Gutierrez and I had drastically different experiences with the internet growing up — even though he’s only seven years my junior. I fondly remember a time without the prevalence of social media, while Gutierrez was born into an era where internet presence was not only common, but expected.

Like most of Gutierrez’s peers, the actor was active on social media from a young age, but his presence has quietened over the years — even with 1.7 million instagram followers. “If there’s a general consensus on the internet of a certain readership or viewership, you know about it, because people tweet about it directly to you,'' he says. “There’s a kind of lumping in of the character you’re playing with who you are, that people do. I don’t know if it’s intentional. It’s probably just a human thing, but that happens. And it can be hard not to internalize what you read about yourself, you know? Words have power.”

In 2017, Gutierrez appeared on supernatural MTV drama Teen Wolf, a show with a massive internet fandom. Suddenly, fan theories and commentaries about his character, Nolan Holloway, came in droves, something that the young actor wasn’t necessarily prepared for. “I was still a teenager,” he says. “Around that time, you're an adult, but you’re still figuring things out. So I learned where to set my boundaries because I didn’t know where they were beforehand.”

When Cruel Summer came around, Gutierrez assumed he would be portraying the “desirable young male” he was used to auditioning for. “The first time I read the character, it definitely felt like an archetype. When I auditioned for it, I walked in and was very much myself, and Michelle Purple and Jessica Biel responded very well to it.” However, after he got the role and production ramped up, he was pleasantly surprised. “It didn’t really hit me that they were wanting to take him in such a unique direction until I showed up for wardrobe one day to do my first fitting for the pilot,” Gutierrez recalls. “I looked at the mood board for Jamie and it was like, young Heath Ledger, Keanu Reeves and Kurt Cobain. And I was like ‘Oh shit, I need to step my game up,’” he laughs. “I couldn’t get by doing the same thing that I’ve always done when it comes to characters like that.”

Cruel Summer takes place over the course of three years — ‘93, ‘94, and ‘95 — showing splices of each year in every episode. Produced by Jessica Biel, Tia Napolitano, and Michelle Purple, it centres around the kidnapping of a teenage girl and the fallout of the crime in her community in Skylin, Texas. Gutierrez plays Jamie Henson, the boyfriend of the missing girl, Kate. In her absence, a quiet nerd named Jeanette suddenly rises the social ranks and assumes Kate’s place — including dating Jamie. When Kate returns, Jeanette is suspected to be involved in her disappearance, throwing Jamie into some seriously challenging circumstances. His character could easily be a one-dimensional archetype — and truthfully, I expected him to be — but Cruel Summer took the opportunity to explore toxic masculinity and its widespread impact.

We see Jamie caught in the middle of conflict, unsure how to respond to a traumatic event that certainly no teenager expects to be faced with. He’s not a hero, but he’s not a villain either. It’s unclear whether we’re supposed to root for Jamie or not, which makes him that much more interesting to watch. “He talks a lot about his desire to protect the people around him, regardless of whether or not they asked him to protect them,” Gutierrez says of his character. “He kind of superimposes his own idea of what the people around him need. In order to maintain the peace of the people around him, he kind of robs the people around him of their agency. It’s just a really fascinating character to play in that way.”

Gutierrez has also been able to explore the ethics of true crime in a time when the genre is exploding in popularity. Though Cruel Summer is fictional, it questions the effect that public opinion can have on criminal cases — and perhaps more importantly — the well-being of the people involved. “When it comes to the investigation of a crime, you have to weigh the good it can bring into the world versus the bad it can bring. Or making one person seem suspect, or airing the dirty laundry of a private citizen for the viewership of loads of people.”

Despite his eloquent reflections on Jamie throughout our conversation, it’s clear that Gutierrez doesn’t take himself too seriously. He speaks into the camera like we’re old friends on FaceTime, and when my dog unexpectedly jumps into my frame, he gushes excitedly and asks what her name is. He’s able to laugh at himself one minute and share poignant truths the next. It’s refreshing, much like Cruel Summer.

Another likely contributor to the show’s authenticity? The fact that the cast was kept in the dark when it came to overarching plot points. Instead of knowing the show’s trajectory ahead of time, the actors would receive scripts for the next episode while they were filming — and they were subject to change. “We didn’t know where it was going,” Gutierrez says. “And we were told, “‘This might happen here, or this might happen there.’ And it would shift around.”

Without foresight into their character’s arc, the actors have no choice but to focus only on where they were in that moment — a difficult task when a single episode spans three very different years. Gutierrez faced an even greater challenge, as, unlike the two female leads, his character didn’t undergo any drastic physical transformations over the three years.

“I didn’t really compartmentalise the character,” he explains. “I kind of thought of the different years as different phases in my own life. The first year, ‘93, was a complete absence of any regret. You’re still very young, I was just thinking of like, a complete golden retriever,” he laughs. “A 16-year old boy who just wants the best and isn’t aware. ‘94 is me right before I made the decision to go to therapy, where I was making all these bad decisions and I didn’t know why. And then ‘95 was a whole desire to wrestle with those things and really look at yourself in the mirror and take accountability.”

Gutierrez didn’t only infuse personal experience into his behind-the-scenes work — some aspects made it onto the screen. The actor, whose father is Mexican, grew up spending time between Mexico and Texas and is a native Spanish speaker. Because Cruel Summer is set in Texas, Gutierrez suggested creating a similar background for Jamie.

“I was talking with Tia Napolitano, the show-runner, and I was like, ‘Hey, you know what would be really cool? What if the character is half-Mexican, too?’” Gutierrez says. “And she's like, ‘Oh, yeah, let’s write it in the script.’ And I got to write a couple lines in Spanish, which is really cool. [Jamie] could have been this mould of a cool, likeable jock. And then he ended up being this very nuanced human being, which is awesome.”

Though he is learning to appreciate all parts of his heritage, Gutierrez hasn’t always embraced his identity. “I remember feeling like I might have been not American enough for America, and not Mexican enough for Mexico,” he says. “And I remember having a bit of time in which I had an accent in both languages. Even my name — in Mexico I always went by ‘Froylan’, which is my full name. And then in the U.S., I went by Froy, because I thought it would be easier for other people to say.”

He continues: “I identify as Latino, but I”m also very wary of auditioning for Latino roles because I’m aware I don’t look like a typical Latino person. I don’t want to be someone that you can just sub in for that role, when I’m really white and blonde. And so whenever I do get a role like this, one where he’s not written to be any particular direction and we’re able to collaborate, I’m able to inject some of myself in there. So it’s been really cool to embrace all sides of my history.”

But of course, as is true for Gutierrez, Jamie’s cultural background is only a small part of who he is. Cruel Summer is committed to portraying him as a nuanced character that breaks the moulds of masculinity while tackling complex inner conflict. “Living in his shoes and walking in them, a big question that came up for me was, ‘What is the difference between guilt and shame? [Jamie]’s coping mechanism was terrible and unhealthy, and caused more pain for the people around him. But at the same time, the shame that he internalized made it worse for him. One thing I really learned, is that shame is about yourself and beating yourself up. And guilt is about taking accountability and apologising, moving forward without expecting the relationship to come back. It's just about trying to heal what happened and then moving on, on the terms that the other person sets. It’s not about you, and I think that’s what the character learns throughout the show.”

#froy gutierrez #wonderland magazine #froylan gutierrez #interview #cruel summer #catherine santino

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plutoswrath · 4 years ago

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i’m jealous of your big heart when it comes to animals lmao. i’m arachnophobic and it can be so annoying to have sometimes. i haven’t been able to tie it back to astrology, as much as i would like to. i asked because i was wondering if there was a clear indicator based off certain placements like how 6th house rules animals, 6th is ruled by mercury so i jumbled them even though i probs shouldn’t have lol. and with venus it ties to personal taste so i wondered if it could indicate a liking towards a certain animal. i have sag and sag venus in 6th and embarrassingly enough, i was obsessed with horses. like i came out of the womb adoring them. as soon as i learned to talk i was a walking horse encyclopedia. my obsession died down. i’m not a horse girl, i swear on my life.

i agree with you about the cancer loving animals. animals are babies and momma cancer loves to nurture the babies. i feel like cancers are the most likely to hate the “are you a dog or cat person” question. they’d get offended because how dare someone assume their heart isn’t big enough for both. more than both, really. throw a turtle in there. a rabbit even. cancer asc peeps usually have a shit ton of animals. it’s probably the sag/abundance in the 6th. or they either own a horse or Great Dane. but this is off topic because i forgot i had a follow up question.

if you could tie an animal or a couple animals to each sign that you think best represents that sign? or just seems like one they’d like? some are so easy and others just leave me blank. my arachnophobia thinks scorpio’s deserve better than scorpions but my terror blinds me. but i was looking up the symbolism behind animals and tying them to signs. so far, i’ve concluded that while horses should go with sag, their highly intuitive and empathetic animals. their behavior is like a mirror so if you’re nervous, they are too. so pisces or cancer actually seems to be a better fit. and to stay on topic of cancer with animals, i always tie wolves and dogs in general to cancer. the wolves are tied to the moon and familial dynamics and also i think they’re a great symbolic opposition to leo and how leos tend to resemble cats. sun and moon, dog and cat, night and day, that sort of thing. i realized i’ve rambled but i’m looking forward to your opinion because i’m so lost on what other signs would have. it’s been a year old question in my brain and it’s time for help from the master.

I'm sorry to hear that, I'm had a friend once who was arachnophobic and having phobias like these is really no fun, I can't imagine what it feels like really having them. And omg don't feel bad for liking horses when you were a child, literally so many children, especially young girls, like horses simply because people decided horses where a 'teenage girls only' thing somehow?? (and I will have to dig deeper into this at a point because here where I come from the horse girl thing is soooo painfully real and I want to understand the phenomena). And if I'm not mistake, arachnophobia (like most types of phobias), stem from some kind of trauma right? I absolutely don't try to get to personal but if we look at phobias in that way, maybe it's good to also include looking at planets/asteroids that point to trauma or aspects that can represent/indicate traumatic experiences in that sense! And I agree wholeheartedly to the 'dog or cat' question, I don't get offended by it but I hate this question in general because every animal deserves my love and empathy adfghj and yes, mother feelings definitely play into this haha! I think cancers enjoy (to an extent) having that occasional (or constant) outlet for their nurturing side and the bound you have to animals is also very intuitive and requires a lot of patience and getting educated as well as being observant and reading between the lines somehow and all that dedication paired with emotional knowledge just really speaks to water signs in general (and animals don't judge openly with words, just your energy asdfgh) Uhh, I like the question regarding the animals and I agree with your takes on it so far!! I think one animal can not represent all the core traits of a sign alltogether, but I'll try my best here! and psdfghj no need to call me master because I'm literally so far from anything close to that but thank you so much still, I feel honored really!!

The Signs as Animals:

Disclaimer: some of them are inspired by my ‘the Wild Unknown Animal Spirit’ tarot deck.

Aries: House cat. I know, I always thought cats actually link pretty well to Aries! Cats are just the perfect mixture of intelligen and curious, reserved, stubborn, aggressive, senstive as well as playful/impulsive! They are quick to learn and not afraid to face off against any other, bigger animals, but also can live pretty well together with other pets in the house, as long as they don‘t bother them too much. Especially when it comes to intimacy/pda they are very picky, but forceful when demand it. Seem flexible and unbothered at first but actually have the firmest boundaries when it comes to their personal freedom. Will let you believe they need you but give it a few weeks and the neighbor has better treats than you and gone they are asdfgh, but it's actually a harmful stereotype to believe that cats don't need you because they can become extremely fond of you and grow very attached.

Taurus: Elk. Based on the interpretation of my tarot deck. The elk represents earth energy, it is grounded, is established in itself and knows their core values and acts according to them. They show consistency, coherence and care. Dedicated to who they love and what they care for. Can become narrow minded due to knowing what's best, based on their perception of what's right and necessary, which can effect their ego negatively. Very Taurus for me. Gemini: Dragonfly. I refer to the interpretation of the Dragonfly based on my tarot deck. The dragonfly represents the mind: everchanging, quick, fascinating, a reflection of the world inside us and aroudn us. As the dragonfly is very quick (refering to Mercury's fast and nervous energy) the dragonfly also calles for paying attention to what quality our mind has and to become mindful, because on first glance things always appear different tahn on first glance (Mercury floats between detail-oriented and paying attenetion and being too fast, impatient). The dragonfly is joy and magic, as well as impatience, restlessness and being unable to concentrate. Cancer: Killer Whales (but also whales in general)! I thought especially about Killer Whales, because I once watched a documentary on them and they went in depth about how they have different cultures and different languages even (if I remember correctly) in their familys. Cancer often gets associated with the home life, but I think I wanted to look at it from another perspective, as in how does family 'become' family and how do those family roots develope, what do they consist of, how do we define family and what holds it together (and especially: how do our roots shape our own emotional patterns and nature in life?). I think the mystery of the Killer Whales but the whole complexity that lies behind the fascination of how these animals function and also how deeply affected Killer Whales are by their emotions/when they are absent from their kin, just opens up another big question of family dynamics and how we relate to one another and how principles we always condoned to human beings now apply to animals too. I think the whole part about the Killer Whales relation to emotions and their family's cultures just really made me link them to Cancer. Leo: Otter. I refer o the meaning of teh Otter based on my tarot deck. The Otter resembles the energy of the inner child: it's pure bliss, playfulness, they love to live and live for life itself, and out of this eagerness to enjoy life comes also a contentment and completeness towards life itself. To reconnect with otter energy, it is advised to step into settings of celebration, or total creative self expression and from the outside looking 'unproductive/selfish' indulgence. But actually, this energy is what makes life so enjoyable in the first place.

Virgo: Octopus. Highly intelligent beings that can quickly adapt and take the initiative. Self sufficient by nature, they aren't aggressive unless provoked, they like to mind their business unless they get curious (then they cling heavy onto you because you are their new object of interest). They can change color if it's needed (Virgo is a mutuable sign and can blend in perfectly in social occasions/new situations) and tbh the inking part about octopus just reminds me of the fact that most Virgos have a really quirky side to them you only get to see when you annoy them long enough (aka you are a long term friend). Libra: Gazelle. I refer to the meaning of ten Gazelle based on my tarot deck. The gazelle combines the creation of beauty and harmony, creativity and hyper awareness of it's surroundings, very affected of the imbalances in it's environment, but in it's try to remain this beauty around them, they tend to forget their achievments and stay in the present with their thoughts, as they constantly wheigh out the 'what if's'. A very perceptive animal in the tarot deck and this attribute is equally it's strong suit and downfall. Scorpio: Tiger. I refer here to the meaning of the Tiger based on my tarot deck. Waits in stillness and darkness to reconnect to their own inner power. Healing in isolation with the help of the lunar forces, waiting to regenerate. The Tiger energy shows itself in being passionate, sensual and stepping into ones own power, recognizing ones strength. For me, this is very Scorpio (Moon) for me. When the Tiger in unbalanced, it becomes overstimulated and acts according to this hyperawareness. Sagittarius: Zebra. I refer here to the meaning of the Zebra based on my tarot deck. The Zebra stands for an open mind, visionary and eccentric, new thinking, as well as being young at heart and expansion. I personally connect horses with passion and drive, because they are truly powerhouses. Based on the meaning of my tarit deck, the Zebra also is sociable, at least people find themselves drawn to the energy of the Zebra because it triggers their desire to learn, and I think this is something very beautiful Sagittarius symbolizes when they come into your life: be prepared to broaden your horizon for more.

Capricorn: Camel. I refer to the meaning of the Camel based on my tarot deck. Camels here represent absolute dependence on self and being able to find the answer to problems in oneself. This self reliance and capability reminds me of capricorns, the camel is finding the 'cool' aka water inside of them and Capricorn is traditionally also symbolized as the sea-goat (which I seriously think should really be considered when anaylzing this archetype) and Capricorns have (imo at least) a rich emotional life, but it's just deeply locked within. The Camel represents showing responsibility for their own actions, regulating the self and circumstances around them as best as they can, which makes sense for Capricorns, ruled by Saturn they usually are confronted with task in their life. If the Camel energy is out of balance, it shows a lack of vitality, with Capricorn representing the senior age in life makes sense, especially since Capricorns can tend to feel very old (exhausted)- Aquarius: Platypus- and no, I’m not using the Platypus because ‚wow all Aquarius are so weird like straight up aliens 🤪🤪’ I think the platypus is a good representation because it makes us question what we’ve known so far about animals and Aquarius too is a sign that introduces us to new ideas and perspectives all in the favor of progress and considering alternatives, leaving the status quo. Pisces: Raven/Crow. I name these two in particular because as far as I know it’s only the ravens that have been documented intimating people’s voices and tones, but crows are definitely more known for their bright mind. For me people often forget Pisces mutable nature and how quick witted they actually are. These birds are hyper intelligent and their observational skills are truly amazing. In my Wild Uknown Animal Spirit deck, the crow is an animal carrying 3rd eye energy. Here, the view is clear, the crow is moving through different dimensions and sees what other’s cant. For and the emotional depth (void) Pisces is conencted to it just seem to make sense.

#i swear i will be more active the next days #replies #anonymous #astrology #zodiac #the signs as #the signs as animals

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heckpup · 4 years ago

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Hmmmmmm Time for the Part 2 of the Immortal Tommy AU I cooked up with my raw materials in the middle of the night

:DDDDDDDDD What fun. I have also now decided that Tommy's new wings are now phoenix style (cause he's immortal now, innit?), in flames, but only at the tips (so far, this will change the older he gets) and only if he wants them to be. Had he still been mortal, they probably would've been just a regular red, and so that is what they look like when they're not on fire.

Also, I'd like to imagine that the old worlds from when we were kids (with borders and that didn't go on forever and just stopped and dropped off into the void, right? I know me and my friends loved to find the corners and try to go through. Good times.) are what the god's personal realms are like. Not enough room for rebellion, since there's not enough room to run from an angry god/goddess. If you go to the edge, you can look at/travel to other worlds as well. Most gods don't bring other people into their worlds anyway, but *shrugs*

Edit: (I can't believe I forgot this I'm so sorry ;-;) TW:Mentions of bl00d, Mention of de@th, mentions of m@n!pulat!0n and g@sl!ght!ng, mentions of t0rture.

Just thought I should mention + explain.

"Hey Clara?" Tommy asks from a small tree, letting his feathers move gently in the wind.

"Yes, Tommy?" Clara calls from below, looking up at the young immortal. Tommy glides down to meet her on the ground, and he looks up at her a little sheepishly.

"Do you think that since, well, you know, I'm recovered and shit, I could visit those bitches from the SMP? I kinda just want to, uh, blow up at them, sorta. I just- its a lot of untapped rage and I really just wanna scream at 'em, you know? It's totally ok if you think I shouldn't I mean, you are the biggest man- er, woman- here, just wanted to ask, but uh-"

"Tommy." Clara cuts him off with a small smile, and a bit of mischief and malice (And anger, as well) twinkling in her dark eyes. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Besides," She begins to walk over to the edge of their small world, "they need to understand what they did, and its never good for us immortals to hold grudges over mortals. Could cause some unplanned problems in the far future."

Tommy beams, and Clara begins mentally preparing for the showdown with glee. "Tommy, how do you want to do it?" She asks, inner drama queen squealing.

"Well-" Tommy tells her- "-I really want it to be big and dramtic, you know? Like lightning and thunder, and like things bursting into flame and shit. I could probably do the flames myself, but do you think-" He looks up at her expectantly.

"Of course!" She says, patting his shoulder. "A storm fit for a god. It would be only fitting, of course. I am going to come along, of course. Just in case there are any unexpected developments, like more dramatic effect."

Tommy nods. "Yeah! Those bitches aren't gonna know what hit them! But, do you think you could stay invisible 'n shit for it? I still wanna do this by myself. I don't-" He cuts himself off, feathers ruffling. "I wanna yell and bitch about it, and I want to do this on my own. Like an important milestone on my recovery." Clara nods in agreement.

"Right, right. For the lightning though, is there any houses you want to keep out of harms way? I plan on hitting a lot of houses, just to get people up and moving."

Tommy thinks for a minute. "Uh, maybe hit close to Ranboo's house- he's the black and white hybrid, he's always been pretty nice to me- and Sam and Puffy and BadBoyHalo. Sam put Dream in prison a while ago, and Puffy and BBH gave me some gifts the night before you picked me up. So, they're clear from property damage, but I still want to see them. Defintely break Dream out, I want to yell at him though. Wait, maybe I can break him out, like teleport him away from the prison and show off my new powers and shit- anyway, maybe save Niki as well, she was always nice."

Clara nods and begins to locate the small world that she pulled Tommy from so many years ago. "Goodness!" She laughs. "It's been a while since you looked down at this one, isn't it?"

"Yeah, haven't had much time to think shit about those old bitches." Tommy begins to search with her, quickly locating the small SMP, being recently cleared of the red bloodvines that had plagued it for a while.

While they plan, they laugh, and Clara is reminded of how far the young godling had been when she whisked him away. His old SMP hadn't deserved him, not even for a second.

Tommy and Clara were watching from the clouds as the little people in the SMP ran around panicked about the storm that was destroying a lot of their houses. Tommy watched with glee and satisfaction as the majority of the SMP (save for Dream, of course) gathered in the newly rebuilt community house to discuss the looming problem.

"Dream has to be behind this, Sam!" Fundy growled out. "He's the only one that has this kind of power!"

"You ready?" Clara asked Tommy, after waiting for him to be perfectly positioned under one of the next lightning bolts, aimed at one of the doorways to the community house. Tommy nodded and lit the tips of his wings, prepared for the force of the bolt to push him back down to the earth.

The lightning hit, and Tommy found himself being thrown down and pushed to the ground.

The first thing he noticed was that the bolt left little sparks over his body and his wings were a little more lit up than usual.

The second thing he noticed was that everyone in the community house was looking at him.

He stood up and, with a great amount of false confidence, strode into the room. Tubbo was staring slack-jawed, as were most people in the building. Phil's face was incredibly pale, to the point that Tommy actually began to worry about the man's health. Ranboo looked at him wide-eyed, but then Tommy saw recognition flash and a smile began to creep onto his face.

But the person that Tommy had his eyes on the most was the no-longer transparent form of his elder brother, well and alive again.

"What's up, bitches?" Tommy grinned, and suddenly the room was alive with shouts and yelling and holy Prime, Tommy probably should have prepared more for this reaction but he hadn't even known Wilbur was alive but oh, Phil's yelling about how Tommy left him and-

"Tommy, how could you? You've been off to who knows where? Where the fuck have you been? How could you leave us?" Phil's void-black wings ruffled, and Tommy didn't even think before responding,

"I've been off healing, bitch! You know, from all the trauma you adults forced on me? And the gaslighting from Dream? The manipulation? It took me years to get over that shit, and the god's world-time runs slow! I spent a whole fucking year trying to understand that what you bitches put me through was fucking wrong, and I was not alright! I left you all here because you left me when I was at my fucking WORST! YOU LET A SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD FIGHT IN FUCKING WARS AND GET EXILED! YOU EXPECTED ME TO TAKE THAT SHIT LIKE A FUCKING ADULT? FUCK NO!" Tommy's wings flared out and he could feel the heat radiating off of it, his flames responding to his anger.

"Thomas Minecraft-Innit, I am your father, how dare you-"

"Oh, you're my father now? Now, after you abandoned me, neglected me, left me in the dust? You cared more about your fucking war buddy than your own two sons! Wilbur was more of a father than you were, and then you fucking killed him!"

"Tommy-" Tubbo tried to interject.

"AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON YOU TUBBO! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU LEFT ME AS WELL, YOU LEFT ME WITH FUCKING DREAM! YOU EXILED ME, AND FOR FUCKING WHAT? A SAD POSITION IN A COUNTRY THAT YOU LET DREAM PUPPETEER ANYWAY! WE FOUGHT THAT WAR TO GET AWAY FROM DREAM, AND THEN YOU FUCKING LET HIM RIGHT BACK IN!" Tommy raged, turing on his ex-best friend. "Oh, speaking of-" He snapped his fingers and then Dream was in the room with them, wearing an orange jumpsuit and looking around wildly.

The room let out a great outburst, which, to be fair, was expected.

But then Dream took one look at Tommy and decided that it was a-fucking-okay to try and re-manipulate Tommy again. As if he didn't notice that Tommy was much older, much more healed and much more powerful than before. (Or that could just be him. Clara did tell him that gods- and even godlings- could change their age and appearance, and sometimes it was involuntary and depended on emotions and metal stability. Tommy did actually feel much younger. Maybe it was from being in this place, this world, and being in front of the person that hurt him most. That would make sense.)

"Tommy!" Dream cried with unusual glee. "You're here to help me, aren't you? You finally came to your senses about your best friend, right?" Tommy only raised an eyebrow in response, not giving him an answer. "What, not going to give an answer to your only friend? Tommy, I stayed with you, I kept you company when no one else did, remember?" Prime, how long did Dream think he had been in that prison for?

Tommy only shrugged and then pulled out a sword and dashed up to Dream, keeping the blade on Dream's throat. "You mother fucker. You are the biggest bitch boy I've ever, and I mean ever, had the pleasure of knowing, bitch boy. You are the absolute worst thing to ever happen to me, you know that? You killed me twice, and for what? Gratification of knowing you killed a teenager? And then you tried to gaslight me, manipulate me into doing your sick shit for you? That's the most fucked up thing I've ever known, Dream. I'm going to enjoy taking this life from you." And then he swung, embedding the blade into the wall behind where Dream's body had once been.

TommyInnit killed Dream with [A Final Blow]

Dream made the achievement [Banned?]

"Tommy what-" Tommy turned to look at Technoblade, who was looking blankly at his chatlog.

"Oh, don't worry too much about him. He'll just be stuck for a few days in the ban-void, and then he'll come back on his own." A great number of people paled, knowing the ban void, when you were still on a world, meant that you were subjected to great amounts of agony as your body tore itself apart and tried to pull its code back together. And Tommy had just taken one of Dream's lives, too!

"Tommy, what happened to you?" Phil asked, horrified.

"I grew up," Tommy said with a smile. "And now I have the rest of time to spend continuing to grow and live. Becuase now, Tommy Innit never dies."

Techno rushed at him suddenly, axe swinging. It caught the edge of Tomm'y neck, and Tommy took the chance to grab Techno by the scruff on his, and lift him up, also while feeling his body grow older. Several gasps were heard around the room at the sudden change. "What were you trying to do there, Technoblade? You can't kill a god." And then he let Techno drop to the ground, before touching the part of his neck Techno had sliced.

His hand drew away with golden ichor.

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bugabash · 4 years ago

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Cursed Past - Chapter 2

When the past is changed the only people who can help Adrien and Marinette defeat the new villain are themselves, just not from their time. The seasoned superheroes will need to teach their younger selves everything they know before the time runs out or else life as they know it will cease to exist. Love is blossoming, trust is strengthened, and the true power of their miraculouses will be revealed.

AO3

Chapter 1

Marinette sat on the coffee table, looking at the young girl asleep on the couch in front of her. Her younger self looked so fragile, and so… young. Her long hair was filthy, half still in her high pony, bloody and soot ridden making it almost black. Her long eyelashes lay on her freckled cheeks, one which was covered with a waterproof dressing, she had tried her best to stitch it up so there wouldn’t be a scar. Most of the young girl’s torso was bandaged up, her wounds stitched up and her burns treated, she wore a sports bra over the bandages, keeping her modesty at least. Her trousers were singed but she was lucky to have no injuries to her legs, from what Adrien had said, his younger self wasn’t doing much better.

What happened to these kids? She had to stitch up what looked like a slice only a very sharp sword could make. She had never seen a miraculous holder with such a deadly weapon. If this new villain could cause this much harm to these kids who have been Ladybug and Chat Noir for well over 4 years now, then he must be extremely powerful. And that terrified her more than anything.

Bunnix wanted them to help, but how? Were they meant to train them? Fight their battles for them? They hadn’t fought any akumas in years, let alone a miraculous holder this strong. And how long did they have until they needed to go back and fight this guy?

This was going to be impossible, she thought with a groan.

She was dragged from her thoughts when she felt a blanket being placed around her, looking up she saw Adrien standing there, looking over at her younger self.

“Shit… She looks even worse in the sunlight.” He said softly, handing Marinette a cup of coffee, sitting next to her, his elbows resting on his knees. Younger Adrien was still out cold, and Alix had detransformed and passed out on the other couch. It was almost 11 o’clock in the morning now and the married couple had already changed into normal clothes, done a medical supply run and Marinette had made some pastries for everyone. “What are we going to do, Mari?” Adrien asked softly, looking over at her.

She swallowed thickly, looking back at him, eyebrows furrowed in worry, “I… I don’t know.” She sighed, looking back at Marinette, sipping her coffee. “What I don’t get is what Alix wants us to do. I mean, yeah, we could train them, but how long do we have?”

“I don’t know, but something about all of this gives me a bad feeling.” Adrien replied sombrely, his eyes darkening.

Marinette looked over at him and rested a hand on his knee, resting her head on his shoulder. “I know,” she said softly as he wrapped an arm around her, “but whatever happens, as long as we have each other we will be okay.”

He chuckled, “life is always good with you, bugaboo.” He smirked down at her.

She pouted, “don’t call me bugaboo.” He chuckled again and captured her lips in a gentle kiss, making her smile and sigh in happiness, his kiss made her knees weak and made her inner teenage girl squeal still to this day.

He pulled away and kissed her forehead, looking back at her younger self. “Do you think… do you think it’s my father?” He asked softly, his eyes softening, dropping his arm and looking down at his hands. “I mean, it is something he would do, you know, messing up everyone’s lives.”

“It could, but… it just doesn’t seem like something he would do. It seems… too evil for him.” Marinette tapped her chin in thought, “the wounds on her are… serious. Whoever did this wield a sword, a sharp one at that. Don’t get me wrong he’s a bad guy, but he wouldn’t… kill people. Lila was more the killing type.” She frowned, “Or…”

“Or it could be the person we are all thinking of.” Adrien replied darkly, his hair falling over his eyes as he looked at the floor, his tone empty and his eyes dark. “The one person who actually is capable of this kind of death and destruction.”

“Adrien, we don’t know for sure. And you know that, we can’t speculate and get upset.” Marinette replied.

“Marinette, you know just as well as I do who can slice open Ladybug like that!” He exclaimed, standing up and pointing at the injured teen.

“Adrien, calm down. You’re going to wake them.” She replied, standing up and grabbing his arm, the blanket falling to the floor, leading him away and pulling him through to the hallway and into the kitchen. “If you start freaking out and getting angry then you will freak those kids out.” She said sternly, turning to him and crossing her arms over her chest much like she used to do when she would scold Chat Noir.

“Calm down? Marinette my psychotic cousin who is almost my identical twin could have the moth miraculous again and seems to have gone back to the past to kill everyone! Oh, and there is no Chat Noir or Adrien Agreste in that time, so he could impersonate me!” He yelled back at her, “there is nothing that could make this any worse! Oh wait!” He feigned a shrug, “oh that’s right! The fucking fox and peacock miraculous are gone! So who knows the shit they are causing!”

“Adrien!” Marinette scolded, dropping her arms and balling her hands into fists. He stared at her in anger, it wasn’t directed towards her, she knew it but she felt like he was blaming her. “If you are saying this is my fault -”

“No, I am not saying that,” He interrupted, sighing and pressing the bridge of his nose in frustration, “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I don’t blame you, m’lady.” He sighed and walked over to her, taking her hands and kissing her knuckles, not opening his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I know no one could have done anything to stop this.”

She took his hands, as he dropped his head against her knuckles, his shoulders trembling softly. “Hey, it’s ok minou, I understand.” She said gently, stroking his cheek and lifting his chin, “you silly kitty,” she smiled softly. He looked into her bluebell eyes and eventually smiled small, “we will figure this out, right now we need to stay calm.” Adrien nodded in response, dropping his head back onto their joint hand.

Marinette just stroked his hair softly before red and black whizzed in front of her eyes. Plagg and Tikki looked at Adrien curiously, Plagg looked more concerned.

“Kid, are you alright?” His kwami asked, buzzing under the young mans face, “do you want some camembert?”

“No, Plagg, I don’t want your stinky cheese!” He exclaimed, jumping back and holding his nose with his fingers. “You stupid cat with that smelly stuff.”

“Your loss!” Plagg replied, tossing his cheese up and catching it with a satisfied moan.

“The other kwamis are resting at the moment in the miraculous box.” Tikki spoke up, resting on Adrien’s shoulder, nuzzling his cheek in comfort.

“So, what are we doing with the runaways anyway?” Plagg asked, rummaging through the fridge on the hunt for more cheese.

“They aren’t runaways, and you know that.” Tikki squeaked, glaring at Plagg.

“Sugarcube, don’t give me those eyes, you know you love me and my creamy cheesy centre.” Plagg chuckled, flying over to Marinette and resting on her head, munching on more cheese.

Tikki rolled her eyes and flew in between them, “you two are masters, Marinette you are even the guardian, you know more about the miraculouses than anyone!” Tikki explained, “if you are going to stop this villain especially as he has 2 other miraculous holders helping him then you will need them to be the best ladybug and chat noir they can be!”

“What if we don’t have time?” Adrien asked, speaking Marinette’s thoughts. “It’s a lot of training! It took us years, and we will have to do it in, what, a few months? Plus they need to heal! Even with Marinette using her healing on them it will take time.”

“Adrien is right, I haven’t healed anyone since after the last battle.” Marinette said, “and the kind of training we will need to do… well let’s just say our actual jobs will kind of get in the way.” That’s when she gasped, “Work! Oh no no no!” She started pacing, “my project! It’s due in a few weeks! How am I going to finish it and train them!” This couldn’t be happening, she needed this win! She worked as a designer at the fashion line formerly known as Gabriel, since Adrien took over it was renamed Agreste. She always felt like she needed to prove herself even more being the wife of the CEO and owner of the company, she never accepted special treatment and made her way up the fashion food chain under her maiden name. She couldn’t let this slip, or she would never hear the end of it.

“I can work something out.” Adrien said, placing his hands on her shoulders and making her stop pacing, looking into her eyes.

“That is special treatment, and you know it, Adrien!” She said pouting before she groaned, she knew what she had to do, she just hated it. “I will try and work around it, hell I did more in high school!”

“There is another thing,” Tikki spoke up, nervously looking down at her hands, “I spoke to the other Plagg and Tikki. The new villain… He isn’t… new.” Marinette and Adrien slowly looked at her, fear covering their faces, Adrien’s eyes darkening. “They saw who took the miraculouses.” She looked at Plagg who looked sombre. “It’s Felix. He’s back, and he seems to be a lot stronger. Even stronger than Hawkmoth and The Painted Lady put together. He is older, stronger and on a war path.”

Adrien stiffened, his arms dropping from Marinette’s shoulders, “you’re certain?” He asked in a scary tone making Marinette back off slightly. “How did he even get the miraculous?”

Tikki looked away, “I-”

Plagg zoomed in front of Adrien’s face, getting between him and Tikki. “You know how, kid.”

Adrien looked at them with wide eyes, before he pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sunk into it, rubbing his hands over his face. “How?”

“He must have broken in, the only time I can think he could have done it was-“ Tikki spoke up.

“The gala.” Adrien said softly, looking over at Marinette, “The fucking gala that was put up by an anonymous buyer.”

Marinette looked down at her hands, feeling like everything was her fault, Adrien had been suspicious about that gala, but she made them go. “Adrien…”

“It’s fine, for now we need to be on alert, we will need to do more patrols, we don’t know that he wont come back to our time. We will train them, I’ll organize any problems at the office, and we will get through this.” Adrien stated, his eyes never leaving the floor.

“Adrien…” Marinette looked over at Adrien, reaching out to stroke his back but he stood up before she could and walked out of the kitchen and over to the back door, calling his transformation as plagg was dragged away and into the ring, and pole vaulting off into Paris. Marinette knew exactly why he was upset, this was possibly the worst news after having two bloody versions of themselves showing up out of the blue.

Marinette sighed and looked back at her kwami, she was hoping it would be Gabriel, hell she was wishing it would be her father in law, he would be easy to defeat, they know him like the back of their hands. But this was bad.

“Felix…” She whispered, rubbing her face with a groan, “why did it have to be Felix.” Groaning she dropped her head in defeat. “I hope Adrien is ok,” She said, looking over at Tikki who flew over and snuggled up to her cheek.

oOo

Chat ended up on top of a building, looking down at the abandoned mansion that used to be his home, well his prison more like. It was closed off to the public for years now, too unstable after the battle to resell, and with all the underground construction his father had done it was impossible to do anything to it. He hated this place, nothing good ever came out of it at the end. Only heartbreak, pain, and, well finding out your father terrorised all of Paris and all your friends for years can be a kick in the teeth to say the least. He crouched down, resting his chin on his crossed arms, glaring as his ears twitched, always listening. He wanted to burn the place down, burn it to the ground and watch every last bad memory disintegrate with it. He wanted it to burn.

He stood up and vaulted over and through the window to his old bedroom room with practiced ease. He looked around at what remained of his teenage room, glass crunched under his steel toed boots, looking around at the destruction. The climbing wall was rubble around where basketball and skating area used to be, his basketball hoop broken in half and lying haphazardly on the floor and the ramps just a pile of rotten wood. His bed was rotten as well, water rot must have set in with the giant hole in the roof above it. The spiral stairs were in tatters, half of it in rubble on the floor and his library was completely missing, the giant hole replacing it. He couldn’t even recognise half of it anymore.

The rest of his room was covered in rubble and his old clothes strewn across the floor. One thing that caught his eye was his old computer monitors, covered in soot and dust, the keyboard broken on the floor, the mouse nowhere to be seen. He walked over to it, looking at the main monitor and remembering when Ladybug was in here, smiling at the photo of his mom. He smiled at the memory. Any memory with either of them in it was a happy one. He wiped the monitor screen, leaving a hand mark, his anger and hurt bubbling to the surface finally like a dam breaking.

“You did this.” He whispered, clenching his fist. “You ruined everything!” He picked up the monitor and threw it across the room with a roar, panting as he watched it hit the wall and crash to the floor, the sound echoing through the mansion.

A flash of lightning lit up his face followed by a bone shattering clap of thunder, rain starting to fall slow but getting heavier.

“Why!?” He screamed at no one, “why did you do this? Why father? To torture me more? To ruin my childhood more?” He kicked his table, grabbing it with one hand and throwing it across the room like it weighed nothing. “Why couldn’t you love me? You kept me from people! Forced me to hurt people without even realising it! You never fucking loved me!” Tears stung his eyes, throwing the chair he spent so many nights sitting on studying to make his father proud at the broken piano, the clangs bringing him out of his anger. Another flash and clap lit up the room again as the light disappeared even more, Adrien’s hair now soaked, his suit keeping the chill out. He slowly turned and looked at the piano, blowing the rain water out of his mouth.

He slowly walked over to it, tears falling down his face hidden in the rain. That was his mother’s piano, memories of sitting on her lap, his small hands over hers as she played, smiling up at her beautiful face, so full of love and understanding. He dropped to his knees, looking at the wrecked piano in front of him. He wiped his eyes, not able to take his eyes off the bloody fingerprints covering the now grey keys, forever staining them, no amount of rain would get those off. It was tainted now, the good memories stained by his own blood, from what his father did to him.

“Adrien…” He heard a soft whisper behind him, causing him to jump up and release his claws, the green glow from them lighting up his contorted, pain ridden face, rain streaking down his face and his hair soaked. But when he saw who it was his claws retracted and he collapsed to his knees, loving arms catching him and pulling him into her chest, cradling him softly. “It’s ok, mon cœur! You are safe! You are loved, I will not ever let anything happen to you again. I’m here now.” Soft hands stroked his hair as he sobbed, rocking him softly. “Maman is here now.”

oOo

Adrien woke up groggily, his head was throbbing, and everything hurt. He opened his eyes hesitantly, wincing at the pain in his arm. As he adjusted to the soft light coming through the sky light. Blinking he noticed it had begun to rain outside, the soft pitter patter soothing him somehow. His mind was adjusting to everything, trying to find his thoughts so that he could figure out where and when he was. That’s when he remembered everything. Gasping and sitting straight up, regretting it immediately and grabbing his shoulder in agony, yelling in pain. He looked down at the bandages on him, grimacing at the sight of a bit of blood coming through.

Dammit! He blinked, his vision still blurry, that’s when he realised his eye was still swollen shut, his hand going to feel the hot, swollen skin. Hell, he was really beaten up. He touched the tender cut on his lip, wincing at not just that pain but the throbbing in his throat. Oh yeah, this is what it feels like after you have been strangled. He thought with a groan.

“Plagg?” He croaked, hardly any voice coming out, looking around for the small cat kwami. Plagg zoomed through the wall and hugged Adriens cheek.

“Oh Adrien! Thank God!” He exclaimed, “don’t scare me like that again!” He said crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Adrien. “Who is going to get me the cheese I like!” He cried, fishing out a corner of camembert and eating it whole.

“Augh, Plagg!” Adrien waved his hand, “anyone can guess the cheese you like just from how you smell.” Plagg floated onto the pillow purring happily.

Adrien looked around at the room, sitting up more comfortably, leaning on his good arm while holding his side with the other. It was a very spacious room and was beautifully decorated like the room he had seen earlier that day. But this room was a lot more simple than the bedroom he had been before. The bed he had slept in was large, with dark navy blue bedding on it with silk white sheets under the duvet, with a fluffy throw covering the foot of the bed. A carpet stood out prominently on the hardwood floor, recognising it as the one from his old room surprisingly, or one identical to it. Lifting his eyes, he saw a chest of drawers with ragdolls of all the old miraculous holders and their akumatised friends in the distance, he recognised them from Marinette’s room a few years ago. It stood with a standing mirror next to it, medals hanging on the corner. He recognised them straight away.

Swinging his legs off the bed he winced again, taking a deep breath and standing up. He groaned and stagger into the wall. Shit, something didn’t feel right.

“I wouldn’t do that,” He spun around to see Marinette running over to him, she was in plain dark blue jeans with a baggy off shoulder pink sweater, red straps from what he thought was a vest standing out on her pale shoulders. “You’re bleeding, sit back down!” She exclaimed, leading him back to the bed, opening the bedside drawer and pulling out a first aid kit.

“Wow, you really do keep those everywhere, huh?” He asked with a raised brow, wincing as she pulled his top off and started unbandaging him. He looked over at the wall, tried to ignore the pain as she started examining him.

“You need to be more careful; you’ve torn your stitches.” She said, her eyes never leaving her handy work as she started the first aid. “Sorry, I don’t have the morphine in here, and you need only a few.” Adrien nodded, taking a deep breath, trying his best to ignore the dull pain, thankful for the little morphine still in his body.

“How is La-uh… Marinette?” Adrien asked finally, looking down at her, gulping nervously.

“It’s ok, it must be weird knowing her real identity.” Marinette replied, smiling up at him softly, even as an adult she was tiny.

“It’s… quite over whelming.” Adrien admitted, “I never thought of her… you, as Ladybug.” He looked her sheepishly.

“It’s okay, I never thought of you as the Alley cat I was partnered with,” she replied laughing softly, “it’s okay to be a bit in shock.”

“Adrien told me about you guys finding out about each other.” Adrien replied.

Marinette giggled at that, “ah, I’m sure he did,” She started bandaging up his chest and shoulder, “he put his paw in it in that one.” She looked up at him, “but look at us now.”

Adrien nodded, thinking about all they had. A home, a family, friends, they seemed happier than ever. “Can… Can I ask you something?” Marinette nodded, “why did you get with me? Or my older… self…”

Marinette raised an eyebrow and giggled, “Speak to younger me, and maybe she will tell you.” She looked at him and sighed, “Adrien, I’m not your Marinette.” She said resting a hand on his arm, his heart beating fast. “I’m my Adrien’s Marinette, we have different pasts, and different futures. I am just here to make sure your futures happen and so that my future doesn’t become non-existent.” This comforted Adrien somehow. “Speak to her, I know how chat felt about ladybug, and it’s a lot knowing she is just Marinette - ”

“Just Marinette? Marinette is so much better than Ladybug!” He exclaimed, Marinette just smiling back at him.

“Exactly, now make sure she knows that.” She said standing up and turning to face him, Tikki settled on her shoulder. “No shirt for you until Adrien checks those wounds, he is more precise when it comes to physical wounds.”

“Marinette?” he piped up, “where is he?” He asked, something in his gut making him ask that.

Marinette stood up and froze, looking back at him, “he… needed some air. Don’t worry, he will be back soon.” And with that she left, leaving Adrien to his thoughts.

Adrien blinked, something making him uneasy, “Plagg? Is there something I need to know?”

“Kid, you are in the best hands, Marinette in this time is the guardian, she will know what is best for all miraculous holders just like Master fu.” Plagg reassured him.

“Okay, I need to see my Marinette.” He said, his memories of this morning making him cringe. He stood up, wincing and heading out of the room, Plagg resting on his head.

Now that he had a clearer head he looked around and noticed just how big this house was as he stepped out of the spare room. He stepped out into the corridor, noticing another door opposite his, he guessed it was another room. He turned and looked down the corridor that turned into a bridge to the doors across the ways, walking forward onto the walkway he blinked, almost in shock. How had he not noticed it before, giant two storey windows covered the back wall with glass double French doors framed in the centre on the bottom floor.

The rain trickling down the glass, the sound like a soft hum in the background. He noticed the garden outside, beautiful and well looked after, but he also noticed a small building with no windows and covered in vines, almost like it was trying to be hidden. He shook his head and started limping down the stairs, they were hard, polished wood, glass banister on the one side and the wall on the other.

He skimmed his hand on the stone banister as he padded down, looking around until his eyes stopped on a canvas on the wall. It was an oil painting of the Eiffel Tower in the background, orange and brown autumn trees with street lights dancing in between them, but the thing that caught his eye was the black umbrella with two people hidden behind it as they stood on a stone bridge. The woman was in a red dress with her dark blunette hair down to her waist just peeking out from under the umbrella. The man was in a black suit, their faces were hidden but he could tell they were kissing or embracing each other. He stopped midway and examined it, his heart skipping a beat. It was enchanting, seeing the two people, feeling the love they have like no other. It was like he was under a spell. He felt like he had experienced this in another life. It reminded him of a memory, a distant memory of him giving Marinette something… his umbrella.

Was this… the miraculous connection Adrien spoke about? The love coming off the picture made his heart speed up. His green eyes were locked on the painting, feeling his injuries tingle slightly. He shook his head, making a mental note to add that to the list of questions. Turning, he started down the stairs again. Stepping down into the entrance hall and he felt at home immediately, unlike his home back in his time.

Looking around it wasn’t sterile and white like his mansion, the floor was chocolate brown hard wood floors, the walls were a comforting cream colour, and a long rug ran from the front door through the large hallway. One big archway to the left lead to the lounge where he had taken Marinette before, while another swinging door to the right, under the stairs lead to their kitchen.

The front door was a large, dark hard wood with patterns carved into it, with two slim windows on either side with cream curtains pulled back from them, but what stood out were the several dead bolts and other locks on the door, and that there was no mail slot. Weird.

He headed into the lounge, smiling when he saw Marinette asleep on the couch, the fireplace blazing softly in the background. He walked over and sat down on the floor by her head, stroking some hair from her pale face, hoping she wouldn’t wake up. She needed the rest. He still couldn’t believe the girl he had loved for all these years was Marinette. One of his best friends. He needed to snap out of it, the thoughts too much for him.

He looked around at the lounge to distract himself, it was even bigger than he had thought last night, two large dark blue sofas were placed perfectly, two recliner chairs placed nicely, one more used than the other with a green hoodie on it, the flat screen tv hanging over the fireplace, the walls a soft brown colour and the windows covered the one wall again, looking onto the garden. Behind the Main sofa was a larger area, a homely dining room table sat perfectly, a wall of books surrounding the other two walls. He saw so many books about fashion, nothing perfect in the library and all mismatched, knowing it was Marinette’s more than his. He felt the soft carpet under his hands, feeling comforted by how at home everything made him feel.

Was this what a family home was meant to feel like? He had seen his friends’ houses before, and had wished for what they had, but seeing this home, his home, made him have hope that one day this could be his.

Marinette walked in with a plate of pastries and placed it on the coffee table, placing a can of diet coke next to it.

“Here you go, Adrien, you need to eat.” She said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and smiling gently. She sat down on less used recliner armchair and pulled her phone out, she looked like she was anxious about something as she typed away and put it next to her.

“Everything okay?” Adrien asked as he grabbed a pastry, taking a bite. Oh wow! These were incredible!

“I haven’t heard from Adrien in a few hours.” She stated, looking down at her hands, “I’m starting to get worried, usually he would check in with me.” She sighed, looking at her phone again. “I think I may need to go find him soon.”

“Why did he leave anyway?” Adrien asked, his brows furrowed.

“He… We think we know who the villain is.” Marinette said, avoiding looking at him, “and it… it’s hard for him. It’s his family, he just thinks they’re cursed. Last time we fought him it… almost killed us.” She looked at nothing, “Adrien lost something in the last battle…” She wore a look that made his hair stand up. “Adrien… He…” she sighed, dropping her head, “he lost a part of himself in that battle. He had lost so much already, after his father-”

“What? His father?” Adrien sat up, looking over at Marinette, “What happened to my father?”

Marinette looked up in shock, blinking, “you-you don’t know?”

“Know what?” He asked, pushing up on his hands, “what happened to my father?”

She opened her mouth to talk but was interrupted by the back French doors blowing open, making all of them jump. Chat noir stalked in, closing the door and detransforming before Adrien could get a proper look at him. He walked in, a serious look on his face, his blonde hair messy and wet, his green eyes dark. He was dressed in blue jeans, a black short sleeve shirt, and wore black converse. He walked in and looked at everyone, eyes falling on his wife.

“Are you okay? Has anything happened?” He asked, walking over to Marinette as she stood up and jumped on him, his arms enveloping her in a big hug. Adrien could feel their love, it radiated throughout the room and lifted the mood. That was until Marinette spoke.

“Where the hell were you?” She exclaimed, pulling away and pushing his chest, “you can’t just leave! You know that you can’t do that!” She had tears in her eyes, “you could have been dead, or attacked and I wouldn’t have known! You turned your tracker off too! I couldn’t find you!” She pushed him again, tears streaming down her face. “Look at them!” she pointed at the two teenagers, one unconscious and the other severely injured and looking confused, “what would I do if you were attacked! How would I DEFEND them both if we were attacked!?” He looked back at her speechless, obviously as shocked as his younger self was.

“I-“ He stammered.

“No! You don’t get to make any excuses, you stupid cat! We are in danger! I need my partner here! I need to know you have my back!” She was crying now, he wondered if she was scared and that’s why she was lashing out at Adrien. His older self just stared back at her, his eyes sad. “You can’t just leave me like that.”

He wrapped her up in his arms, whispering something that Adrien couldn’t hear, turning away from them and looking at his Marinette who was still fast asleep, only now her brows were burrowed and she looked like she was in pain.

“Marinette?” He questioned, the adults looking over too. “Marinette? Wake up!” She started whimpering, her legs twitching as if she were running. “Marinette!”

oOo

“Ladybug!” His screams echoing her mind, she could feel his desperation in his voice, but she felt like she was floating, why was this a bad situation? Everything was going by her so quickly, what was happening? “No!” Why was he so upset? They were just flying, it’s ok, he would catch her like he always did. She trusted him. He looked so cute when he was worried, why did he look so cute? He was Adrien, that’s why, but also because he was chat. Her two favourite people in one.

Suddenly she wasn’t falling, a hard surface stopping her, but there wasn’t any pain, only arms around her. She blinked the blurriness away and looked up at Chat, tears were streaming down his cheeks, falling onto her face. She felt the wetness. He looked terrified. What was wrong? She felt happy, he was holding her like his princess, and she felt like she was in heaven in his arms. But as she smiled up at him, darkness started taking over slowly. “Chat… It’s ok. You caught me.” Darkness took over as she went limp in his arms, her long hair falling into a muddy puddle, soaked from the rain.

“Ladybug, no! Wake up!” Chat begged, how could she still hear him? She was trying to sleep. He collapsed to his knees as he cradled her close to his chest, sobbing softly and shaking her softly. “Please… Marinette… Don’t leave me alone…”

Leave him alone? He wasn’t alone, she was only sleeping, the silly cat. Where was the alley cat she loved?

Loved.

That’s a funny word. Did she love him? What was she saying, of course she did! She always loved Adrien, but knowing he was Chat Noir, that made everything better!

“Please… I need you.”

And with that Marinette woke up with a gasp, sitting straight up and taking in her surroundings. The first thing she saw was Adrien’s battered and bruised face before her, worry all over it and his eyes searching her face. Wasn’t she just dreaming of him? She couldn’t remember. Why was he here? And what happened to him? He was speaking but she still was trying to figure out what was going on. She looked around, taking in her bearings, Adrien pushing her back down softly, looking up at the raindrop lights that hang high above her. She still hadn’t gained her hearing back, her eyes looking back at Adrien.

He was still talking to her, stroking her cheek and trying to get her to hear him. But she just furrowed her brows and reached out, stroking his cheek, thumb running under his swollen black and purple eye, brushing some of the crusted blood off. He winced but had more of a shocked look on his face. What happened to him? She thought to herself, frowning as she felt a tingle, she turned her attention to her body, her eyes widening and her memory, hearing and pain coming back at once. Her hands flew to cover her face and she curled up in pain, groaning softly.

She felt large hands on her back and could finally hear his words, “Marinette! What’s wrong? Is it the pain? Talk to me, please!” She could hear the desperation in his voice even over the ringing in her ears. She winced as she felt a needle go into the top of her arm, but almost instantly the pain faded and her body, that she had no clue was tensed, relaxed. She was rolled onto her back by the big hands which stayed on her side as Adrien leant over her, she opened her eyes and moved her hands, meeting his eyes. Blush covered her face, his green eyes were solely focused on her, full of concern and never leaving her face.

Wait… Adrien…

Her eyes widening, she felt her mind go into over drive, “Adrien!?” She squeaked, covering her face again. Adrien was Chat Noir! Adrien!!! This couldn’t be real! He was Chat Noir! How could he be Chat Noir?

Adrien looked at her nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he pushed off from over her and sat on the coffee table, “y-yeah, it’s me.” He stammered out, “it’s okay if you’re disappointed.” He said looking away. Disappointed? Why would she be disappointed it was him?

“N-no!” She exclaimed, peaking from behind her hands, “I’m not disappointed, I just… I didn’t expect it to be… you!”

He blinked, “Okay? Is that… bad?” Before she could answer she felt a shooting pain in her stomach, wincing and looking down she saw some blood spreading on her abdomen. “Marinette!” Adrien exclaimed, hands going to put pressure on her stomach, looking back at the adults who Marinette hadn’t even noticed. They jumped into action, running over with a first aid kit, cutting the bandage open, Adrien moved to where her head was, smiling down at her calmingly. “Hey, just look at me, it’s ok, it’s all going to be ok, m’lady.” He must have seen the panic in her eyes, so she just nodded, letting them patch her back up, just looking into Adrien’s eyes, letting him calm her with his jokes and comments, thankful for the pain killers.

oOo

“So what do we do now?” Marinette asked softly, she was finally sitting up, still pale but looking better. Her long blunette hair that was in a mess down her back, in desperate need for a brush, dark circles under her eyes, she was freshly bandaged up all over, a huge bruise covering her whole left side of her jaw, stitches across her cheek where her gash was under a plaster. She had a blanket around her, Adrien sitting close, his arm around her protectively, not letting anyone or anything close to her.

Marinette smiled at how protective he was of her younger self, it reminded her so much of her own husband who stood close, arms crossed over his chest, staring at the fireplace. Alix had woken up, sprawled out casually on the other couch playing on a tablet.

“Well, you will need training, but we can’t do any of that until you have both healed.” Adrien replied, looking over at them finally. “But, we also need to be careful about the past.” Adrien said, taking control much to Marinette’s relief. She wasn’t over being angry with him yet. Stupid cat. She huffed, Adrien side glancing her. “We can’t change anything in the future.”

“Well, I’m not sure that will be an issue, kitty.” Alix spoke up, everyone looking at her, “it seems that when Shadow Blanc went back in time he changed everything, he didn’t go back to our past necessarily, when I was there I noticed some… differences.” She sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the couch. “For one, Daddy Gabe is a free man.” This made Adrien stiffen, looking at his younger self.

“Wait, what? Gabriel is still free?” He asked, dropping his arm and clenching his fists. Marinette looked over at him, biting her lip, “How is that possible? We caught him when we were 17! How old are you two?”

“Eighteen.”

“Nineteen. What does my father have to do with any of this?” The young boy looked utterly confused.

“If they are that age then why haven’t they stopped him yet?” Adrien asked Alix who shrugged, “Why haven’t you stopped Hawkmoth?” He turned to them now, his eyebrows furrowed.

The young boy broadened his chest and shoulder, almost in a defensive way, his brows furrowing. “We did!” He argued, “We stopped her! She is in jail!”

This made all three of the adults freeze and look at them. “Her?”

“Yeah,” younger Marinette spoke up softly, “we stopped Lila last year, finally. Master Fu took her miraculous and locked it away.” She looked up at Adrien who was still on the offense.

“Wait, Lila was Hawkmoth?” Alix asked, looking at the older two, “how is that possible? She didn’t get the miraculous until after Hawkmoth was in prison?”

“Can we go back to the part where you mentioned my father?” Adrien piped up, standing with his fists clenched. “What happened to my father?”

Marinette stepped forward, “Adrien, calm down. We don’t know your timeline, but…” She looked at her husband for help.

“He was Hawkmoth.” Adrien stated, looking down in disgust. “It was him, all along. All those years of akumas, all the lies and pain, it was all him.”

Marinette looked over at the young man, his eyes wide, colour draining from his face, “Adrien, we don’t know anything about your father, though.” She reassured him, “this is just the Hawkmoth from our past.” Adrien nodded, sitting back down slowly, his partner placing a hand on his thigh and looking up at him worriedly.

“Okay, so training?” Her younger self spoke up, the confidence back in her voice. “What will the training be?”

“We need to teach you to the way of the Miraculous.” Adrien said, walking over to the bookcase and pulling out an old book. He walked back and placed it in front of the young adults.

“But we know how to be Ladybug and Chat Noir?” Marinette questioned.

“Yes, you do, but you have powers that you need to unlock, you will be trained in the ways of the miraculous and unlock your full potential. Your powers will grow, and you two will become ying and yang, just like the black cat and ladybug miraculouses are meant to be. They are made from the same whole. Two sides of a coin.” Marinette described, opening the old spell book onto the page of Chat noir and Ladybug, Adrien’s eyes widening. “You two cannot work with out the other. Where there is destruction there is creation, where there is creation there is destruction.” She explained, gesturing with her hands.

“For you two to be the best team possible you will need to work like ying and yang.” Adrien looked at them seriously, “we had years to train, we built it over time, we had times we had to push extra hard, but it is possible. It will be extremely… taxing though.” Marinette shared a look with her husband, “mentally, spiritually and physically. Your bond will grow, and your powers will change with it.”

“How?” Marinette asked, her brows furrowed, the two looked very confused and slightly nervous.

Marinette chuckled softly, “it’ll be different for you, it’s different for each Ladybug and Chat Noir. But we can discuss this more once you two are healed up.” She smiled reassuringly at them. “For now though, you both need to rest and heal. I will help you with that, I cant fully heal you but I can help you along.” She explained.

“Wait, you can heal people? Without using your miraculous ladybugs?” Younger Marinette asked softly, furrowing her brows in confusion.

“Yeah she can, its one of her powers that she discovered, but it isn’t a miracle cure. It does have it’s… consequences.” Adrien replied to her question, looking away from them, darkness covering his face. Marinette knew why he seemed upset, it’s because he knew what it did to her to use it too much, he hated her using it but he knew just as she did that she had to use it.

“What kind of consequences?” The younger Adrien asked, Marinette looking back at the young adults, noticing the frown on his face.

“Don’t worry about that,” Marinette reassured softly, smiling small, “let me deal with that, we need to get you two out of the woods and on the road to a quick recovery so that we can start the physical part of your training.” Adrien sighed next to her and turned, walking out of the lounge through a door next to the bookcase, Plagg following close behind. Alix raised her eyebrow and looked over at Marinette for some kind of answer. Marinette sighed and shook her head at Alix.

The two youngsters were looking at the door in confusion until younger Marinette suddenly started shivering and winced in pain, her head dropping onto Adrien’s chest, her eyes closed and her eyebrows screwed up in pain. Younger Adrien’s expression changed to panic as he pulled her closer, stroking her cheek gently. “Marinette?” He asked in concern, eyes examining her paling face. “She is really warm!” Marinette rushed over and help her hand against her head, she was boiling and sweat was accumulating on her forehead.

“She’s burning up, we need to do this now.” Marinette stated simply, removing the blanket. “Adrien!” She called out to her disgruntled husband; she knew he wasn’t happy about this but she needed him now. “We need to do this now! I need your help!” As she finished talking Adrien stalked in, concern all over his face. “Take her to the spare room, we can let her rest after.” She said, motioning for the young boy to let go of her, which he did hesitantly as Adrien picked her up gently bridal style like she weighed nothing, rushing her to the spare room, Marinette behind him with Alix helping the younger boy get there.

oOo

Adrien lay the small girl on the same bed he had put his younger self earlier that morning, she was pale, very pale. He looked over at his wife who was taking deep breaths. “Are you sure you can handle this?” He asked sternly, taking her hand as the younger Adrien was led in and went straight to his partners side, holding her hand and stroking her forehead.

“I have no choice.” She stated before Tikki flew over. “Tikki, spots on!” The familiar red glow filled the room, fading and there stood is magnificent partner. She had changed as Ladybug over the years, long black like gloves went from the middle of her upper arms, one single red dot on each of the insides of her palms. Her yoyo hung the same around her waist like normal but a second one hung across the other side as her second weapon, her body more developed to when she first became ladybug, her hips wider, her strong muscles could be seen through the suit, and she filled the suit perfectly. Like her arms she now had black down her legs from midthigh down to her feet. The soles of her feet were still red. Her pigtails were long gone and her hair was a little short, curled around her ears slightly as it hung loose. She opened her eyes, Adrien seeing the look of determination on her face that made him first fall in love with her. He looked over at his younger self, who’s eyes were wide as he stared at her. He knew what was going through his head, when he remembers his young partner he is always in awe of her now.

Ladybug walked over and sat next to Marinette, “Marinette, I need you to stay still. This is going to hurt.” She warned, looking at the young boy next to her, “hold her down.” He nodded and held her arms down as Ladybug stood up, taking a deep breath. Adrien stroked his wife’s shoulder in reassurance, seeing her relax slightly. “Miracle heal!” She called out, her spots on her palms glowing red, she looked at Marinette before placing her hands on her stomach. Marinette’s eyes flew open and she let out a scream that made everyone wince and run to hold her down, everyone but Ladybug who had her eyes closed as she concentrated. This only lasted around 20 seconds and then Marinette relaxed and Ladybug stepped back as if she had been burnt. Adrien rushed to her and placed his hands on her shoulders stabilizing her.

Shit. He knew this was bad when he saw the pain on her face. “Keep Marinette rested, stay here.” He ordered as he scooped up his small wife as she detransformed. “Do not follow me.” He stated, heading out and into their bedroom. He lay her on their bed and pulled open her bedside table, pulling out a round medallion and sat on the bed. He placed it on her chest, watching it start to glow softly, Marinette was watching him with a small smile.

“Hey.” She said softly, placing a hand on his cheek, “you will get frown lines if you keep that face on.” She chuckled.

He snorted a laugh and kissed her palm. “You need to take care of yourself, you held on for too long.” He said with a defeated sigh, dropping forehead onto her stomach. “You know the rules.”

She chuckled softly, stroking his blonde hair, “I know, but you couldn’t feel how bad those wounds were. I had to help.”

“That’s the problem, Marinette, you will help at your own cost.” He replied.

“Adrien, it’s the right thing to do, and you know it.” Adrien just looked at her before sighing an dropping his head down again in defeat, her chuckling softly.

oOo

Adrien watched as Marinette lay staring at the ceiling as his older self whisked his wife away. He slowly let go of her arms and sat next to her, stroking her hair out of her face. She reached up and touched the bandage on her cheek, he wondered what she was doing. He watched as she pulled the bandage off, his brows furrowed. That was when he blinked and sat up more, his eyes widening.

“Marinette…” He breathed, his hand hovering over her cheek as the stitches that were in her once cut up cheek fell off her cheek and onto the bed next to her. How did that happen? She felt her now smooth skin and blinked. “How is that…” He breathed again. He then sat up and looked to her torso, eyes darting back to hers for a second. With gentle hands he reached down and tore the bandage with ease, pulling it back slowly to reveal her stomach looking a lot better, the wound was still there but again the stitches were out and laying on her stomach. He felt his breath getting faster, the wound looked just like a long thin minor cut now from right side of her ribs to her left hip bone, the burns were just pink marks decorating her stomach, all the other small cuts gone as well. He looked at her arms and saw not all but most of her wounds were gone, the ones that remained were there but not too serious.

“Damn. I knew she could do it but I have never seen her do it in person before, and to this level.” Alix piped up with an amazed chuckle, walking over and looking the young girl over.

“What do you mean?” Adrien asked as he pulled the fluffy blanket over Marinette, still in shock.

“after their last big fight,” Alix started, “Ladybug and Chat Noir were pretty banged up, well that’s an understatement, they were fucked up.” She explained walking around, looking at the room around her. “It was a few years back, their last major battle, hell maybe their last akuma battle all together since. Chat took a blast to the chest for Ladybug, he got a giant piece of fuck knows in his chest, she dragged him away and voila! New power. Never been heard of with any of the other ladybugs, heals him right then and there, pulls this thing out of his chest, totally insane!” She exclaimed, a huge grin on her face, “they had no clue what was going on, one minute he’s dying, next he’s sitting up, covered in blood from closed cuts! Insane right? Gets even more insane, his suit was ripped to shreds, and then it just… grew back!” Adrien and Marinette looked at each other with raised eyebrows. “But…” Alix’s smile faltered, “it comes at a price, so it’s never a good idea to use it in the middle of a fight…” she paused, “but they didn’t know that.”

Marinette grabbed onto Adrien’s arm, making him jump and look at her, she wanted help up so he hugged her under her arms and raised her gently, resting her on the pillows and pulling the blanket up again to cover her bra, sitting next to her with a wince. He looked back at Alix and then suddenly felt soft skin against his hand, he looked down and Marinette was holding onto his blood stained thumb, his cheeks flushed and he then looked over at her, she was looking at Alix, her cheeks red, but she also looked frightened.

“They went back up, Chat full of confidence and ready to jump in front of anything to protect his bug because he thought he was indestructible.” She flicked one of the medals, “he wasn’t.”

oOo

“Chat, you have to be more careful!” Ladybug screamed, coughing and fanning away the dust surrounding them, Chat had a slice down his arm and he was leant against the wall, holding it in pain, coughing too. She was furious, why did she feel so weak? “We don’t know if this is a one time thing! What if you get hit and I cant heal you! Huh?” She stormed over to him and smacked him across the shoulder, trying to wipe the dirt from her face to see better.

“Ladybug I’m fine, I know you can heal me, it’s my job to protect you!” He exclaimed, pushing up and bending his arm, watching as his suit grew over the wound again and the pain fading, that was his magic this time, not hers. “Look, this is a minor set back-”

“Minor fucking set back?” She screamed, pointing out the fact they were in a collapsed building, trapped. “You have used your cataclysm, I’ve used my lucky charm. 9 times each!” She started pacing, her head felt funny, why did her head feel funny? It must be the dust. It has to be. Chat look annoyed and just sighed, “Chat this is-” before she could say anything something crashed through the wall, hitting her in the back and slammed her down, pain was all she felt, not the three floors she went through before she hit the ground and skid on the dusty tile into the street. She heard ringing only, she couldn’t breathe, something was in her back, and she couldn’t see.

Light was what she saw first, then the ringing stopped, she couldn’t move. She needed to move, why couldn’t she move? Then her sense of feel came back, and it was a hand on her back, then pain as the pressure left her back, making her gasp and her vision to hit her like a tonne of bricks. She saw panic, people were running, dust falling to the ground, she also heard a weird groaning noise? She tried to focus and realised it was her. She was making that noise, like a dying whale.

“Marinette!” Chat? What was happening, why was he saying my real name? “I’m so sorry, please please, don’t leave me! Please, this is all my fault! Marinette!!!” His last scream woke her right up and she gasped, rolling onto her back and screaming in pain. Her palms suddenly lit up, and the pain started to get worse, then suddenly it faded enough for all of her senses to come back normally and the groaning stopped. Chat was crying, holding her black gloved hand, blood covering the once side of his face from a cut on his forehead. “I’m sorry… I had to… She… She was… She was going to kill you!” What was he talking about? That was when she looked to the right, there lay a dead body, blackened, the hair singed off… Lila. “She… I had to” He sobbed. He killed her. To save Marinette. He made the ultimate sacrifice. She suddenly noticed she was wet, lifting her hands she saw she was lying in blood. She was still injured?

“We need to get out of here…” Suddenly ladybugs flew all around them, fixing Paris around them and swirled around them, but didn’t touch them. They both looked around in confusion. “Get us out of here. Now.” She said, fear creeping in. Chat nodded, wiping his nose before he grabbed a flag from a now fixed pole nearby, strapping her in it securely to make sure she didn’t move unnecessarily. He hoisted her up and pole vaulted away.

Once he got to their shared apartment he laid her on the dining room table, his transformation falling as he ran to get water and towels, digging out the first aid kit. Marinette watched him, scared to move, even though her body was numb. He ran back and gave her a look, she gulped and let her transformation fall, blood soaking into the oak table. Plagg caught Tikki and flew away, Marinette grabbed the edges of the table and gritted her teeth. Adrien came back over, his face paling, tears still wet on his cheeks. “Marinette? Can you hear me?” She nodded, that was all he needed, he took the scissors from the med kit and cut her top and bra off down the middle and at her arms and pulled it off, lifting her softly and pulling it from under her back and when he looked at her chest he froze. She wondered why.

“What?” She whispered.

“Mari…” He gulped, “You… your…” He covered his mouth, his legs giving way as he collapsed against the wall, tears streaming down his face.

oOo

“You see… Her power works, she heals, but she doesn’t as well. She just takes them on.” Alix stated, looking over at them sadly.

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cuebooks · 4 years ago

Text

Warning: This will be a long post.

I got this lovely idea from, @lifewouldbebetteronmars so thank you!

I wanted to do a tarot spread about Alastair Carstairs and Thomas Lightwood’s relationship, so here we go! You can find their post here.

I made it small because my cards are not the most family-friendly, so I apologize. The Tarot deck is The Dark Wood Tarot (shadow deck). Art by Abigail Larson.

The cards are:

Moon (Upside-down), High Priestess (Upside-down), and Strength (Right-side up). It is also Alastair, Thomas, and their relationship in the same order.

How I’ll talk about the spread:

What I agree with and what stood out to me in green. My thoughts will be in blue. My reasoning/source in purple. What I’m iffy about in pink. Quotes in bold. I’ll explain the card’s meaning and then what called to me in the card itself.

Fair warning: these cards aren’t bad, but I find it very peculiar and powerful that these are all Major Arcana cards, and yes, I did use the full 78 cards which is why it is weird to me. Thankfully, I had a signed bookplate by Cassie so I got to put that near my cards and hope that they picked up her energy.

For The Moon or Alastair Carstairs’s part in this pull:

Meaning of the upside-down or shadow Moon card: “Mania, deception, and mental illness. Crossing the line into madness. Unable to find the line between sanity and insanity. Blurred vision. Entrapment. Obscuring the truth. Blaming outer circumstances for inner turmoil.”

A lot of this sticks out to me with the return of Elias, the stress of Cordelia’s wedding/her leaving, and the new Carstairs baby.

“Mania, deception, and mental illness.” This can be a result of stress for when Elias returns, or from an outside source like Charles, or just life in general, but I can easily see Alastair headed for a mental illness. Especially with Cassie saying in the TMI news source live that he does some crazy things, but that could also just be him happier and more open.

“Entrapment.” You guessed it— Elias! Surely with the person that you resent and spent your childhood covering for being back plus not being able to leave the house as often since your high-risk pregnant mother is at home would feel like entrapment to you. Also, entrapped by how he is trying to apologize and show he changed like Cassie said (in the live), but the merry thieves not hearing it (and letter game) probably doesn’t help with his mental health or his entrapment, and he may feel very down on himself for it. Especially, being isolated in a place that doesn’t make you feel especially great is probably not great for your headspace when you just got out of a toxic relationship and the person who fully knows about your father is off making her own life and about to be married. (I’m not throwing shade at Cordelia. She deserves all the happiness in the world I’m simply saying it is probably hard on Alastair too.)

“Obscuring the truth.” Elias is back and I’m sure he’ll still show either drunk tendencies or questions will arise with where he has been, what happened, why he is here now, and so on. Alastair will most likely have to either lie and explain why to keep his past lies undercover or explain in general what has been happening with their father. This may also arise if Sona has a hard pregnancy and Alastair tries to shield that their mother is in pain from Cordelia.

For The High Priestess or Thomas Lightwood’s part in this pull:

Meaning of the upside-down High Priestess card: “Self-indulgent and self-centered. Narcissistic. Obsessed with the self. An exaggerated sense of importance. Excessive need for admiration. Lack of empathy. Distrust and the inability to follow one’s own inner voice.”

“An exaggerated sense of importance. Excessive need for admiration.” This sticks out to me because of the snippet where he wants to go on patrol despite the recent killings; so he wants to do something. He wants to be important and help keep people safe. And the admiration just stuck out to me, but I don’t really have a reason. Maybe now he doesn’t want to just be just the kind friend?

I highlighted “lack of empathy” because healing from a family member— or anyone’s— death can make you kinda hole up inside yourself, so him losing interest in others and being less empathetic I can see happening but with his natural nature trying to help people and always being there I can’t. So I’m at odds on this one. This could also be how he seems to care less about Alastair in the snippets which would make sense, but I think is more from anger and a feeling of betrayal than a lack of empathy. Especially because then he does apologize to Cordelia about his joke so it is still a toss-up to me.

“Distrust and the inability to follow one’s own inner voice.” Cassie has said that he has self-doubts and will learn to not idolize people and in the recent live said that we would see how Barbara’s death affects him and his sister in COI. We know Thomas has insecurities from snippets, how the characters view him, and how Cassie talks about him and his nature, so I think this will definitely be seen in COI. I also think it will be explored in his POV maybe/hope so. Overall, I do think he has a lot of self-doubts. Maybe from not being able to save his sister or simply because, but this gives me a reason to believe we will see more of this and his journey to self-love which I’m always a fan of.

The Strength card or their relationship in this spread show:

Meaning of the right side up Strength card: “Gentle control. Inner wells of power. Stable body. Sound mind. Fortitude and unwavering sense of self. Knowing when to apply pressure and when to release it. Character and resiliency. Effortless action. Recognizing one’s power. Your energetic birthright. Stoking your inner fire and transforming your reality.”

So a lot of things here for me. Thomas we know is insecure and so is Alastair. Thomas with his position of being the ‘kind one’ (said by I believe James?) in the group and Alastair with his heritage (said by Cordelia about why he dyes his hair) and being in London. So with this card, I think it means those insecurities will either be helped by their relationship or explored and helped in this book due to “Fortitude and unwavering sense of self.” So I expect/hope for some good healing and a sense of self since we do know Alastair is trying to become better and change his habits. (Said by Cassie and seen in the letter game). And a sense of self growing in Thoms and him overcoming his self-doubts, learning who he is (including possibly that he is gay and figuring out his feelings) and learning who he is in his friend group, out of it, and after his sister’s death.

“Know when to apply pressure and release pressure” speak out to me because of the ups and downs of their relationship which is less than stellar at the moment— from Paris, to London, to the ball, to the letter game, and to the beginning two chapters of Chain of Iron. But with Alastair not being around them in the beginning he is releasing the pressure and trying to figure himself out, but later, due to snippets, we see they talk. So maybe by then, we’ll see how the pressure or course of their relationship is handled. But this implies, to me, that throughout COI their relationship will be thrown through some loops whether as a couple or as a friendship in general.

“Gentle control [...] resiliency.” are big to me because Cassie has said that both of them (but in different ways) are learning who they are. Alastair with finding himself and breaking old habits like his Tarot Card, The Hanged Man, means. Thomas is learning to not idolize people and to heal/moving forward with Barbara’s death. So they are gaining control of themselves, what is going on in their lives and they are going through it. Being resilient to what life throws at them. And Gentle control because both these boys have honestly tried to help people and control things in their life for their whole life, so it makes sense that their relationship would be controlled by both of them.

“Transforming your reality.” For this ship to happily sail (since we know Alastair does not want to live in the closet all his life thanks to Charles in CoGold) and Thomas to come to the realization that (to our knowledge) he is gay or into men— their realities will have to shift. Coming out to their families and themselves and the world in general. Their lives will change. This is if they come out or want to and to what extent. So of course coming out affects your reality.

Overall:

I don’t think these cards are bad at all. The cards speak to growth and lessons for our boys individually before they can work together. Thomas has to learn that he is important, and needed (like everyone else in the world) and find out who he is. While Alastair has to change some things, help himself and find himself, build some bridges, and get through what is about to be thrown at him (yes, I mean Elias). I’m hopeful and happy with these cards because it seems like they will grow and we’ll get to see a stable, strong relationship in the end. (Due to the strength card). But before we see them together we have a lot of growth needed which is fair because these are teenagers.

If you are still here, THANK YOU SO MUCH! If you have any questions, notice mistakes or want any clarification I’ll be happy to help.

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fytheuntamed · 5 years ago

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I used to see WWX as sunshine incarnated and how it hurt me when I realized that it's mostly just fake and he's really not. I thought he was such a genuine person and when I realized that he hides so much of himself that he's not very genuine at all my heart broke a little and I needed to share my feelings. I still love him though, but it was a huge shock to me that everything I initially fell in love with was actually wrong. I hope this little ramble wasn't a bother.

Hello, anon! First off, you’re not bothering me at all; even if I can’t reply to all of them, I read and appreciate every ask I get. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit disillusioned with WWX; I know some would say he’s just a fictional character, but I think all of us here can attest to the power fictional characters have in impacting the lives of real people. Your ask made me think a lot about who WWX is, so I hope you don’t mind me sharing my own thoughts on the matter! Just a few disclaimers before I get into it: all analysis is based off of drama!WWX, as that is the adaption I know best, so keep this in mind as you read because I know his characterization varies a bit from adaption to adaption. WWX also happens to be my favorite character from the show, so this could will get long :’) I’m also going to continue on with the assumption that you’ve seen the show in its entirety!

I think one of the most important things to understand about people, fictional or real, is that we, like ogres, have layers. This is just what happens when you exist in a world where different settings with different people bring out different sides of us as dictated by societal norms. Does this make someone fake? I would say no, mainly because I think there’s a difference between acting “fake” and being fake. Anytime I speak on the phone with a stranger I automatically assume my “telephone voice,” which sounds quite different from my talking-with-friends-and-family-voice. I don’t leave such phone calls thinking to myself, “wow, I’m such a fake,” because I know that when speaking with strangers, being more polite than I would be around close friends and family is respectful. I think what it comes down to for me is, regardless of how I am presenting myself, am I staying true to my beliefs and values? This is why I think WWX is in fact very genuine, and I would also argue that it is his genuine nature (once revealed) that attracts LWJ to WWX.

Returning to the idea of people having layers, we must recognize that people are not static; we are constantly reacting to our settings and thus our moods fluctuate accordingly. WWX is sunshine incarnate, but he is also someone who has suffered a great deal over the course of his life. To expect him to smile no matter what is a cruel burden to impose on him, and I believe it is a burden he feels in canon. Because both Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu impress upon WWX that he must keep Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng safe, that they are the priority, WWX feels compelled to smile and put on a strong facade so that he doesn’t crumble and fall apart, thus “failing” his adoptive parents and siblings. So while these smiles may simply be masks to hide his pain, thus not “real” smiles, they do not make WWX himself fake, but rather (imo) reinforce his genuine nature because his motives are genuine, even if his smiles may not always be.

There are also times when he smiles and acts extremely cocky in front of others, only for this facade to immediately fall away the moment he is alone/out of the public eye. One of my favorite examples of this is in episode 26 when he questions Jin Zixun about the whereabouts of Wen Ning. The entire time he is there, he exudes a cocky disregard for formality and the established hierarchy, even going so far as to say, “If I, Wei Wuxian, want to kill someone, who can stop me? Who would dare to stop me?!” Once he has the information he needs and turns to leave, however, we immediately see the cockiness fall from his face to be replaced by one of...remorse? I’ll let you guys decide for yourselves.

[gif credit]

I think it is worth noting that his facade fades once he looks at LWJ, because LWJ is one of the few people at this point in time who WWX respects, and whose opinion of WWX still holds value to WWX. And so again we see that WWX’s outward behavior does not seem to align with his inner feelings. Look at the situation that WWX is in, though. He is just one man, albeit a powerful one, going against the biggest, most powerful clans. If he shows an ounce of weakness, they’ll eat him alive. And so in order to stay true to his beliefs, WWX puts on a show. In episode 25 we also see WWX put on a show of shooting many arrows simultaneously while blindfolded. @cal3ris made an excellent post on here stating that WWX was not just doing this to show off, but that he was ensuring the temporary safety of the Wen prisoners by pulling off such a feat so as to ensure no other cultivator would attempt the challenge after him. In situations such as this one, it works in WWX’s favor that the vast majority of the cultivation world believes him to be nothing but a showoff with a big mouth. And of course, there is a part of WWX that does enjoy being in the spotlight! Especially if someone he wants to impress is watching~

At the beginning of the Gusu days flashback (ep 3), we see WWX before everything goes to hell. He’s constantly smiling, goofing around, and is a genuine gremlin of a lad. This is real! He’s a teenager in the flush of his youth, he’s with his beloved siblings, he’s smart and talented, the list goes on and on. For people who don’t know WWX, he comes off as a shallow person with no real depth who thinks of nothing but goofing around all day. For those who know WWX intimately, like Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng (though he’s less vocal about it), they know this is not the case. The point is, WWX doesn’t care what people think about him. He doesn’t care because he knows who he is and what he stands for. This is a huge part of who WWX is as a person: “I don’t care if they slander me, as long as I have a clear conscience.” It is also one of the defining things that connect Wangxian to one another, which brings me to the point of LWJ being someone whom WWX hates to deceive, because he greatly values LWJ’s good opinion of him. We see how much it pains WWX to put distance between himself and LWJ, but we also see that WWX is willing to do so if he believes it is for the best. In episode 20, after being reunited with Jiang Cheng and LWJ, we see WWX purposefully push LWJ away with cold precision. Once more he plays his role with practiced ease, but we see his mask fall as he watches LWJ walk away.

WWX goes from this:

[gif credit]

to this as soon as LWJ isn’t looking at him:

[gif credit]

Having just returned from the Burial Mounds, WWX is very unstable, both physically and mentally. For the past months that he’s spent in the Burial Mounds, survival has been his priority. We see this instability and the signs of PTSD manifest quite a bit throughout the Sunshot episodes. In episode 20 Jiang Cheng hugs WWX, who honestly seems at a loss as to how to respond. In episode 20 we see LWJ step towards WWX, who immediately steps back. We also see WWX shrink away from Nie Huaisang’s touch. This is incredibly telling because WWX is someone who likes physical touch and proximity. He’s constantly putting his arms around Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang and constantly puts himself in LWJ’s personal space (much to LWJ’s initial chagrin). I believe WWX’s behavior post Burial Mounds comes from a desire to protect himself from those around him as well as those around him from himself. [apt gifset here] Nothing about this WWX is fake to me. He is acting differently here because he is different. Trauma does not define a person, but it does change a person. Post Burial Mounds WWX is a different person, but he has not lost what makes him him, which is his strong commitment to his beliefs and morals. For WWX during this time, I don’t believe he has the emotional strength to relive his trauma to those closest to him, so he settles for brushing them off with excuses and yes, fake smiles. This also ties into WWX’s habit of internalizing his own struggles so as not to burden those around him. Hopefully at this point a clear pattern has revealed itself: no matter how WWX presents himself on the outside, he never compromises his beliefs.

After being resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body, we see a WWX who is far more reminiscent of the carefree teenager back in Gusu. We see WWX slowly heal from the traumas of his past life and we see him begin to smile again, not because he needs to, but because he can’t help it. We might be tempted to look at this WWX and think, “ah, this is the real him,” but I think this does a disservice to the complexity of his character. The point is, it’s all WWX. The pranks, the smiles that crinkle the corners of his eyes, the creativity, the cockiness, the way his laughter bursts out of his body at times and at other times comes out like a sigh or an afterthought, the way he looks out for the juniors, and both his quiet and loud rage are all what makes him who he is. Certain aspects may be muted at times, but that’s to be expected. WWX is by no means perfect, but I would say he is painfully genuine. Just think, would LWJ feel so strongly about him if he weren’t?

As I feared, this got way too long and I probably rambled and repeated myself and got off track, but it’s fine…..

#the untamed #wwx #wei wuxian #wei ying #ask #anon #Anonymous #does this count as meta? pretty sure it's just me blabbing about how valid wwx is lmao #also DUDE why is tumblr putting the read more in the ask and not where i want it???

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tiriansjewel · 4 years ago

Text

find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”