#i can definitely commiserate there

[standupcomedyhistorian]

I've finished reading ALL of Maria Bamford's new book, Sure, I'll Join Your Cult! 🙌🏼

What a fun and fascinating read (and I adored the "recipes" at the end of each chapter). As I had mentioned previously, I do plan to post a review on my website but—for now—please check out my two articles on Maria and her influence on the comedy community:

10 Fun Facts

Bo's Comedy Heroes: Maria Bamford

Happy reading, and keep it here for more comedy fun! ✌🏼🐔

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Just want to say: a, I admire very much that you've figured out a healthy way to work on your fics that allows you to have fun with it. And also b, am very excited to hear that you are getting there with pez! It has fully given me brain rot ever since I read it last year, there is just such a lack of content for the highly specific trope of using time travel as a device to explore extremely unhealthy levels of self loathing.

I just adore everything you're doing in it. Neither midoriya is anywhere approaching okay for any portion of the fic and I love rereading and mining into all the subtle characterization pointing to that. It's a bit like nhtycth in that some really goofy funny stuff is often hiding some really fucking worrying things, but the fact that characters DO do that stuff—that todoroki uses his teaspoon's worth of extremely stunted social skills to bludgeon his friend's door open and help him, that a rpf shipping war is an actual source of drama despite how goofy the sentiment seems on the surface, that about half of what jon says is deeply worrying and the other half is extremely funny and there's a lot of overlap between the two—really lifts the tension and brightens the universe. It's sort of similar to what you did with gerry, in that endless misery isn't nearly as painful as the ups and downs of a life that, when you step back and zoom out, has something deeply and horribly wrong with it.

(jon sort of reminds me of spider-man in that he uses human to deal with trauma and stress, except I don't think he at any point realizes how fucking funny he is. He's just there, in a home depot, gnashing his teeth because he's got so many bodies to dispose of and this cashier sure is taking her time.)

I really, really, really have had trouble finding fics that take everything midoriya has dealt with to task. It's a hell of a thing to live 14 years as a disabled minority, have it heavily shape your existence, and then one day you wake up and you realize you're...not that, or at least, nobody will ever acknowledge you as that again. You've lost all claim to it. Those experiences that shaped who you are? Dust in the wind. 14 years of pain and life might as well be buried in the ground for all the good they do you. Nobody's going to cut you any slack or quarter, you've gotta simply work harder, be better. And now when you do that you get the results you wanted, so that's fine, then. That's good. There was something wrong with the you before, and there's something right with the you now, and if the transition is a little rough, well that doesn't matter, you're the same as everyone else now, so it's your own job to fill in whatever gaps you need to.

I really can't get over how mentally fucked it must be for midoriya to run into quirkless people, run across quirkless issues, and be silently caught between, incapable of speaking his mind and too scared to do so anyway around those he can trust.

Also I should mention, I'm just very excited for bakugou to get back from the gym. He's been there like a year I hope he's getting a good workout in.

Me realizing that it’s been a year since pez dispenser debris:

I feel like there’s just this very specific type of grief that Izuku has to grapple with in the span of pez dispenser debris that I’m just obsessed with. He’s sort of silently mourning who he could have been, when 1) he has to present like there’s nothing lost to maintain his secret and 2) the entire world is constantly inundating him with the message that there was nothing lost.

Like. I don’t want to get too deep into it because it risks spoiling things and I do have major plans to continue it (I’ve loved this story for so many years before I ever even hit publish), but the emotion that Izuku’s feeling right now is so much more complex than “I hate who I used to be and want him to stop existing” or “I just want to keep my secrets.” And I think the way he interacts with Mirio is the biggest evidence of that.

Izuku’s placed himself at the very center of the Quirklessness debate with his support of Mirio. He fights for Quirkless heroes, very publicly, to the point where he’s not even graduated yet but considered to be one of the most prominent voices on the matter. If you took a poll of Quirkless people as to which hero would be most supportive of them pursing their own career in heroics, Izuku would be right at the top of the list. When it comes to Quirklessness itself, he’s nothing but supportive.

But he didn’t tell Mirio the truth of his own Quirklessness.

Out of everyone, Mirio’s the one everyone expects to know, despite him being a relatively newer relationship compared to someone like Iida or Uraraka or Todoroki. And I tried to imply that he’s sort of the one who knows the most about Izuku out of everyone save All Might.

Like, we’ll get into how much exactly Mirio knows soon, so I won’t divulge what, if anything, Izuku has told him. But we know that Mirio knows, weirdly enough, that Izuku is deeply fucking haunted. He knows that boy has many violent ghosts in his bones. He finds it hilarious and will tell their realtor about it. Izuku told him about the discontent spirits who died in a violent passion and live on inside of him before he told him about his Quirklessness.

And I just feel like one of those things is a little bit easier to discuss than the other.

Izuku has decided to keep his own Quirklessness quiet in a way that surpasses secrecy about One for All. If it was just about OfA, he could tell people he didn’t get his quirk until the entrance exam, and it wouldn’t even be a lie. He’s purposefully obscuring his own past as Quirkless even as he takes a forefront of the Quirkless hero debate with his open support of Mirio.

And the fact that he’s at the forefront of this debate in and of itself requires a difficult dichotomy. He is the world’s most vocal proponent for the first Quirkless hero. He is a known figure in the Quirkless community now.

He isn’t considered one of them anymore. He’s an outsider coming in.

It must be such a strange, odd sort of grief to come to the people you were home amongst for most of your life and be greeted as a stranger. To return home, and to be welcomed in for the first time, and to not even be able to tell people that you’ve lived here all your life and don’t need a tour.

It’s a sort of death of self, I think. And I think Izuku never expected to have to grapple with his own ghost.

[hood-ex]

Trying to think of characters outside of DC who lose trust in themselves. My brain is too tired to think of any even if I am familiar with them. Any characters coming to mind? Pls share with the class 😌.

[tashibum]

To Own, But Not To Share (III)

Part 1&2

Emperor Geta x Female Reader

Chapter Summary: Geta helps you with your anxiety around contracting syphilis and ensures you will never be infected

Chapter warnings: SMUT, 18+, orgy, oral sex, discussion of periods and STIs, reader has anxiety (much like the author), slave to lovers??, cumshot, the twins have mommy issues. 3.6k words. Read on AO3

The thrill of having sex with an Emperor soon wore off. You believed it was good to remember your place in his life in order to not get your hopes up. You were nothing but decoration on his arm to rub his back or play with his hair. He did not have sex with you again before your next period, he simply requested you pet him. Seeing you no longer be his favourite put you in good graces with the other concubines.

You discovered that when the concubines spent a week away from the Emperors for their bleed, the women were thankful for the respite. The fake smiles and giggles could finally end as you were embraced with the pain from your womb. The shared experience brought you closer with your fellow slaves

“It’s getting worse. There’s definitely more now - I can feel it,” Julia expressed, her hand down her loincloth.

You assumed she was talking about her blood. After all, that was why you were all kept away in the slaves quarters and not with the Emperors.

“You complain as though you are the only one of us afflicted with it,” Silvia protested.

You felt a need to contribute. Even though what you were experiencing was unpleasant, it could be worse.

“We should take solace that we are not with child. We would be kicked out and left pregnant in the streets. Or executed.”

The two concubines stared at you from their beds not looking amused.

“You think we are talking about menses? That is nothing,” Julia explained.

If they were not commiserating about their cycle, you did not know what other affliction they had.

“You don’t know do you?” Silvia gasped, then turned to look at her friend, twirling her hair around her finger.

“You pleasured Caracalla and did not see the growths surrounding his length? The scars gracing his face? His disease spreads to all of us,” clarified Julia.

While you did use your hands and sex on the man, you admit you did not look closely at him. The thought of now being infected with a whore’s disease made your stomach drop. Was this why Geta didn’t want you to attend to his brother? Or why he no longer desired you? Maybe he saw the concubines that slept with Caracalla as ‘tainted’.

“How do you know you have it? What are the first signs?” You asked panicked.

“Sores and rashes. You have not been here long enough for them to turn up though,” described Silvia.

It did little in relieving you. Even if you were infected, you would not know it yet.

The news of potentially having syphilis did not help you settle into your new home. Your anxiety spiked again, having relaxed slightly over the past few weeks. A symptom of this was having your appetite diminish. You had food constantly offered to you, but you barely ate two small meals a day. Once your blood stopped and you returned to the Emperors’ side, the fruit and meats Geta held to you did not enter your lips.

“One berry,” Geta tried to convince you to eat from his hand, but you shook your head. He took a bite out of the fruit then pressed it onto your skin, it’s juice leaving a trail from your neck to your nipple where the man rubbed it over your exposed breast. He then discarded the half eaten berry on the floor and leant in to suck your nipple. He sucked for a while, as though it was more comforting than sexual for him.

“Shall we buy a wet nurse for you, brother?” Caracalla joked and everyone erupted in laughter, even yourself. It was the first time you had laughed in months, what was there to be happy about being enslaved.

“We all know the wet nurse is your fantasy, not mine,” Geta retorted, and walked away from the rest of the group.

“I think we have upset him. More wine to celebrate!” cheered Caracalla, delighted with the response he got out of Geta. The remaining concubines cheered also, and you sipped your goblet of wine, laughing from Caracalla’s continued mocking of his brother distracted you from your anxiety.

A couple of days later, A praetorian told you that Geta requested your presence in his bed chambers. You had not had sex with him since your first full day at the palace, so were intrigued how he would put you to use. He was your master, and he could use you as little or frequent as he wanted.

It was night, and while he still wore his brightly coloured toga, his makeup had been cleaned off. It was the first time you had seen him without any coloured powder surrounding his eyes. It made him look gentler, it made his brown eyes look bigger.

“Come sit with me,” he ordered and you walked towards his grand bed. It was a large four poster bed with soft white sheets. It matched his title, the way your small metal bed matched your title of slave.

You awkwardly sat down next to him, sinking into the wool mattress. You stared around the room, paintings hung on the walls and furniture was bountiful. His chambers was bigger than your entire family home. The fortune he had made you feel sick. The Emperors had no idea of life other than the entitled ones they lived. This man could not relate to anything you had experienced in your life.

He had a balcony that looked over gardens and a courtyard, the door leading out there was open and let in a gentle cooling breeze. You imagined it must be peaceful to have the sights and sounds of nature enter your home instead of the packed bustling city streets.

“Would you rather us sit and look at the night sky? I will request an extra chair be brought out for you,” Geta decided, not even waiting for your response. He went to the door and returned with a guard carrying a chair to the balcony.

“I’ve never had company out here before,” he admitted softly as you took a seat on the cold metal garden chair.

You imagined he had company in his chambers plenty of times before, especially in his bed. But no one had ever ventured out onto this space. Strange, given how he offered it so quickly to you.

“Beautiful grounds,” you commented, unsure of what to say or what he wanted from you. If he wanted to have sex with you, he wouldn’t bring you out here to look at stars, he would get straight to it.

“I rarely spend time out there. There’s always more important things to attend to.”

His definition of important made you giggle inside. All the brothers did were drink, party and order the senates around.

“What troubles you?” He asked, turning his body to you.

“I do not understand, Emperor. I am fine,” you dismissed.

“You should be gaining weight, but you are losing it. I never see you eat. Does the food displease you?” Questioned Geta.

You didn’t know how you were going to explain yourself. He would not understand your worries and how they affected you. How you have to stop yourself from thinking about the future due to how bleak it was. Once the syphilis takes over your body, the Emperors would no longer want you and you would be tossed out onto the streets along side the other concubines.

“I’m just not very hungry,” you explained away, averting your eyes to the floor.

“Stop lying to me!” He shouted, getting up from his chair to stand over you. He was very intimidating like this; it made you want to curl up and hide.

“I - I’m worried,” you hurriedly confessed.

“About what? Who is making you feel this way?” He seethed.

“The - the disease that your brother has. All the concubines have it, and I fear I’m next, that I already have it.”

Geta slowly sat back down on his chair. He knew all about his brother’s illness, how he passed it to everyone that touched him. How the concubines could give it to each other during the Emperors’ orgies.

“The fear consumes me, consumes my appetite.”

Geta shook his head. There was no cure for anyone in Rome with the sickness. His brother was slowly going mad with it, and it was a matter of time before the concubines followed suit.

“Stand up. Let me check,” he offered. He did not want to become like his brother and contract the illness, and he didn’t want you to have it either. He only just got you, hadn’t had his moneys worth yet.

You stood up and waited for whatever the Emperor planned to do, unsure how he would check. He took the bold move to kneel before you and tug down your loincloth to your ankles. He raised your short tunic for you to hold so he could be face to face with your pussy. It was a bizarre situation to find yourself in - the Emperor of Rome staring at your shaved mound in the moonlight. You looked down but all you could see was his curls, looking dark in the night. He moved your legs apart and then his head disappeared as he went further into his examination of you. His fingers stroked the skin of your vulva, then spread your lips to see your most sensitive skin.

“Do you have sores anywhere on your body? In your mouth? Any fevers?”

You shook your head no for all of it. You were unsure how much detail he could see in the darkness, the only light coming from the moon and stars. Besides, he wasn’t a healer. All he knew was power and greed, so you couldn’t picture his diagnosis being accurate.

His fingers stopped their search and his hands wrapped around you, the side of his head pressed into your sex, as though he was giving the lower half of your body a hug.

“You’re not infected,” Geta muttered. His eyes were shut in relief as he held your thighs to him. You remained still though.

He looked up at you from your legs. “Trust me. I know this disease. I know what it looks like. You do not have it.”

This did ease your mind, but you would still keep an eye out for symptoms.

“You don’t have it, and I’ll keep it that way,” he promised.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him and let your tunic cover you again.

“How will you keep it that way? No one can control Emperor Caracalla.”

Geta stood up and held your head in his hands. “I will kill him before I let him lay a finger on you.”

It was extremely brazen to say, it could be interpreted as treason.

“He is selfish, only wants what I have. If he does not see me with you, he will not want you,” he clarified.

“Whatever you wish, Emperor.”

If he did not want to use you, that was your owner’s choice. It was not your place to say that it was pointless for him to buy a concubine and not put her to use.

“I will only use you in my chambers. I will tell the guards you have unlimited access to the palace,” declared Geta.

You stupidly thought he would no longer use you for sex, how wrong you were! Now, the Emperor would only fuck you in private.

“Am I dismissed, Emperor?” You asked, pulling your loincloth up to cover you again. You desperately wanted to tell the other concubines what had transpired.

“No,” he blurted out. “Rest with me.”

You assumed it was a polite way of saying he wanted you, especially when he took off his toga and slipped underneath the covers naked. But he patted the space next to him in the bed, so you went next to him, choosing to stay dressed.

To begin with, you laid frigid on your back, hands by your sides. If you were not going to have sex with him, you did not know how to relax around him. He moved his body so his head rested on the centre of your chest. You moved one of your hands to hold him, and the other raked through his hair. Periodically, you leant down to kiss the top of his head. The Emperor hummed contently. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging. The powerful Emperor was gone, and a needy boy had replaced him.

“If you tell any one of this, I will kill you with my bare hands,” Geta suddenly threatened, disrupting the peace.

“You have my word, Emperor.”

You woke up with light streaming in from the curtains. There was no sunshine, so you knew it was early. The Emperor no longer laid on top on you, but slept on his back to the side of you. You lifted up the sheet covering you to look at his naked resting body; to see him in a state of peace. While doing so, you indulged in looking at his toned body, his facial stubble and of course his cock, that was comically standing up.

“Suck it,” he taunted, voice deep and groggy. You quickly whipped your head around to look at his face.

“You know you want to,” he teased with a lazy smile.

He had caught you ogling him like a pervert. There was no point trying to act prim and proper now. You pushed the sheets towards the end of the bed and sat in between his legs. You began by slowly stroking him, watching the glide of his foreskin reveal and cover his tip again and again. Every time his tip came out, you gave it a gentle kiss.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me,” he flirted. He took ahold of your hair and encouraged you to start taking more of him in your mouth. You tried your best to make it pleasurable for him, doing all you could to keep your teeth hidden and mouth wet. He enjoyed the sounds you made as you gagged on his cock and needed to touch more of you than just your hair.

“Come here,” he instructed. He grabbed you and guided you to his head. You were unsure what he wanted from you, but he pushed your head and back down, so knew he wanted you to continue sucking him off from this new position. Your thighs settled on either side of his head and you could feel his hands unravelling your loincloth. Soon, he tossed the fabric onto the floor and you were exposed to him.

It was humiliating having him so close to your core. You tried so hard to keep your body as far away from his face as possible that your thighs began to tremble. When he leaned up and gave a wet kiss to your pussy lips, you stopped straining and relaxed your body onto his face. The rough stubble of his beard grazed your soft thighs. His tongue explored you, from your hole up to your hard clit.

“Breakfast is served. You’ve prepared a feast for me,” he bragged.

His tongue distracted you from your ministrations on his dick. When his mouth went to your clit and stayed there, and starting sucking, you rested your head on his thigh. Was this how it felt when a man was getting sucked? If so, you could understand why the Emperors had an endless chain of people to have sex with. You grinded on him, feeling his nose press against you.

“The more I clean up, the more your body produces,” he stated, discussing the endless liquid arousal you excreted.

“Cum. Cum on me,” he directed, his voice muffled from his mouth pressed against you.

The way his mouth felt on you, it didn’t take long before your orgasm started. Your empty hole contracted, your stomach muscles tensed causing you to shake. When you began to come down from your high, you began working on his dick again. You sucked on the head while your hand stroked up and down his shaft. Soon, he flooded your mouth with his load. His gasps accompanying his flexed feet.

You turned around to let him watch you swallow down his seed. He shook his head against the pillow, unable to believe he got so lucky to have someone like you enter his life.

“That’s the most you’ve eaten in weeks,” he jested, his soft smile making you forget that he was a sadistic leader.

“You’ll have to keep feeding me,” you teased back.

You rose up from the bed and walked over to where your loincloth landed. You started to wrap it around you when you were interrupted.

“I have not dismissed you yet,” Geta condemned. The sudden harshness of his tone made you freeze.

“I will request food be brought up to us,” he spoke. He grabbed a robe and tied it up before walking out of the room.

For the next few weeks, you spent every night you were not bleeding in his chambers. You fed each other the best food Rome had to offer, gazed at the stars on his balcony and became more and more comfortable with each other’s bodies. The most you did in front of others was hold hands. It was strange for the Emperor to have to restrain himself, but it was worth it knowing his brother had no interest in you.

The clothes given to you started to change. The revealing dresses you wore were swapped for more modest outfits. It made you stick out from the other concubines around the twins. While the other women wore dresses with their breasts hanging out and bottoms barely covered, the only skin you showed were your arms.

Caracalla demanded that an orgy be organised. He was desperate for a party and to let loose. You didn’t understand how it would be any different from his normal days, but looked forward to getting dressed up for something.

Geta knew he had to do something in order to keep his brother away from you that night. Geta was only interested in being intimate with you, and knew that once Caracalla would see this, he’d want a piece of you too. So he went out of his way to buy a new concubine, but a different one than normal. The new woman was older than you, and had big swinging breasts. He hoped his brother would take the bait.

“She’s……………larger than normal,” his brother noted when he first saw their new slave. “And older.”

“Let’s see what she is capable of tonight,” Geta reasoned. He knew that once his brother had consumed enough wine and drugs, he would be all over the new woman like a starving newborn.

Geta and yourself watched on from a chaise lounge as Caracalla devoured the newest concubine. A glass of wine and a line of rhino horn was all it took for him to pull her dress off.

When he was fully distracted was when Geta finally made a move on you. He undid the clasp and let your dress drop to the floor, leaving you completely naked.

“She has not been shaven,” Silvia brought to Geta’s attention. When the maidens had bathed you recently, you noticed that the razor did not come out as often. So your dark curls had returned.

“She is at my preference,” disclosed Geta. Being clean shaven was for the whores. You were more than that.

“But she needs to be smooth,” Silvia carried on, having been shaved for the Emperors’ beauty standards for as long as she had been in the palace.

“She is at my preference!” he raged.

He turned back to you, disappointed that he had expressed such rage in front of you.

“Never mind that. Lay down for me dear,” he whispered so no one saw him show weakness.

You had sex with him on top of you, your legs up on his shoulders. When you thought you couldn’t get closer, he pushed himself forward, your legs now pushed back against your chest.

He was so deep inside you, you feared he would take away your ability to walk. Fucking you so fast, his gold crown fell off. After thrust after thrust of him abusing that spot within you, you started to clench around him, trying your hardest not to scream.

Your faces were pressed against each other, he breathed in your laboured breaths.

“You’re milking me for everything I have,” he grunted.

You looked into each other’s eyes as he pulled out and ropes of his load landed on the hair covering your cunt.

He gave you a searing kiss, not bothering to hide the passion between you. He didn’t care if anyone saw him use his tongue in your mouth. It would tell others to stay away from you.

As your kisses slowed to something more romantic and peaceful, both of your attentions went to Caracalla, who was nearing his peak too.

“Mama,” he whined. “Mama, I’m so close.”

His head was in the breasts of the older woman, alternating between sucking her large nipples and motorboating his head between them. The woman stroked Caracalla’s hair all the while a feminine looking man took his cock in his mouth and down his throat.

Geta’s eyes only stayed on his brother for a moment before he went back to looking at you. He stroked his hands over your hair and admired you. He could not deny that his feelings had changed. Cupid had shot him with his arrow, and he was falling quickly. This was why Venus never made him get married earlier, much to his family’s dismay. You were more than a slave to him. More than all the women in Rome. He wanted to rule Rome with you, forever and always.

[astonmartinii]

you and me got a whole lotta history | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x historian!reader

y/n is a historian and it’s not her fault her bf’s job takes him all around the world…

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 102,561 others

location: melbourne 📍

yourusername: so it’s the australian grand prix and i’ve spent the start of the week exploring this old city. one of my stops was the historic old melbourne gaol. this now museum was once a prison that housed some of the most feared criminals in australian history. constructed in 1839, the old melbourne gaol saw 133 hanged for their crimes between 1845 and 1924. it was briefly used during world war two but ceased operation as a prison in 1924 and was renovated to be part of the RMIT university and the museum it is today. a definite must if you’re visiting melbourne !!

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user1: my fave part of the race week is y/n’s museum recommendations tbf

user2: i can vision charles being dragged around this place hating his life

charles_leclerc: the things we do for love

yourusername: you said you enjoyed it :(

charles_leclerc: I DID

user2: oops

yourusername: i’ll leave you at the hotel next time

charles_leclerc: it was scary but i enjoyed it because i was with you

yourusername: okay that’s better

danielricciardo: so my farm isn’t good enough for you

yourusername: noooooo danny i thought we were going after the race?

danielricciardo: oof my bad

user3: petition for there to be a teds notebook but it’s y/n giving us a historical guide to the city the race is in

f1: we’re listening @skysportsf1

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, scuderica ferrari and 788,341 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: tough race in melbourne but a beautiful city regardless

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user4: HE served, we don’t talk about the race

yourusername: i don’t mean to say i told you so but i did say our day trip would be the best part

user5: girl you’re gonna get banned from the ferrari garage

yourusername: they deserve far worse than what i’m saying let’s be real

user5: true

user6: i love how charles didn’t reply ferrari has his ass ON LOCK

carlossainz55: we'll come back stronger

danielricciardo: we can all commiserate at my farm bro

charles_leclerc: your farm better be as good as you're saying now

danielricciardo: nervously awaiting the y/n review

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 104,561 others

location: miami 📍

yourusername: though miami may be known for it's partying (it's all about the U), charles and i took our monday to take a stroll around st bernard de clairvaux church, one of miami's hidden gems. the church was originally built in spain all the way back in 1141 to the style of cistercian romanesque architecture for alfonso vii. the monastry's cloister was illegally purchased by american william randolph hearst in 1926 and in order for the church to be transported it was dismantled to 11,000 pieces and sent to the us where it was rebuilt and still stands to this day.

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user7: i'm never gonna be able to afford to go to miami so why did i read this whole thing like i'll visit some day?

yourusername: history is important and interesting, always good to read even if you never visit !!

user8: she's like the older sister i never had

user9: did charles enjoy this one more?

yourusername: "at least i'll get a tan here"

charles_leclerc: i feel like anyone who reads about me in your comments will think i'm an asshole, i have fun every time i just don't understand most of it

yourusername: i know you have fun baby (and i love you for driving us to all of these places)

user10: have you considered our super historic frat house this saturday night?

user11: imagine thinking you have a chance when her literal boyf is CHARLES LECLERC

user10: every goal has a goalkeeper doesn't mean you can't score

charles_leclerc: i will run you over

user12: omg ferrari's pr is quaking

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lancestroll and 112,677 others

yourusername: it is my biggest honour to announce my position as a history lecturer here at oxford!! i always dreamed of studying here and to get to pass on my knowledge to those looking to follow in my footsteps is a huge pleasure and responsibility.

p.s. no worries, it is not full time so race week explorations will continue.

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user13: so it was true :(((((( wait i just read the whole post my bad

user14: so i guess i now need to turn my Cs into As if i wanna attend a y/n lecture

charles_leclerc: unbelievably proud of you my love - don't miss me too much

yourusername: you sure i can't persuade you to move to england with me :(

charles_leclerc: i'll be there as much as i can be but monaco is still our home

yourusername: always

landonorris: proud of you smarty pants

yourusername: thank you landito

landonorris: so you'll now root for the brits?

charles_leclerc: over my dead body

yourusername: what charlie said

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, yourusername and 1,209,778 others

tagged: yourusername

charles_leclerc: super happy for another win for the season but we keep pushing for the real prize at the end of the season - thank you for your continued support tifosi and my love y/n who stayed up all the way in oxford ❤️

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user20: i don't wanna jinx it but like the season is going well

user21: too well....

yourusername: winning looks good on you

charles_leclerc: you look better on me

pierregasly: oh god you've been apart for a triple header and now you're being horny on main

yourusername: says mr. doggy emoji

pierregasly: touche

user22: so charles can mathematically win in either austin or brazil FUCK THEM KIDS I NEED Y/N AT THESE RACES

user23: if she's not there for charles wdc i am personally going to have a sleepover on the train tracks

yourusername added to their story

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton and 503,786 others

tagged: charles_leclerc

yourusername: the autodromo jose carlos pace is the crown jewel of the interlagos neighbourhood. the circuit opened 83 years ago and has hosted the f1 since 1972. the circuit was originally meant to be a housing area but due to the 1929 stock market crash the owners decided to construct a racing track instead. interlagos is often a season decider with fernando alonso winning both his 2005 and 2006 titles here, kimi raikkonen winning the 2007 championship here, lewis hamilton won the 2008 championship here, jenson button clinched the 2009 title here and CHARLES LECLERC WON HIS FIRST TITLE HERE IN INTERLAGOS FOR THE 2023 SEASON

on a real note i am so proud of you charles, i have seen the sacrifices you have made and the unbelievable amount of effort you pour into every facet of your racing NO ONE deserves this more than you. i am so grateful to have shared this moment with you, here's to many more xxx

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user26: i am unwell this is so fucking cute

user27: bro this is so fucking crazy

charles_leclerc: couldn't have done it without you, so glad you could be there for me xx

yourusername: always charlie xx

yourstudent: miss y/n you can cancel all of our lectures if charles wins the championship again FORZA FERRARI

charles_leclerc: the people have spoken

user28: insane butterfly effect of the wall street crash to charles leclerc 2023 wdc

user29: they make me believe in love

note: this was super random but popped into my head while at work and i knew i had to write it !! hope you enjoyed xx

[lovedtogekiss]

HEY, FUCK YOU TOO! (SAID IN A SOMEWHAT AFFECTIONATE TONE WITH SILLY INTENT)

No cuz you know what's funny?

Realizing you have an Observer kintype.

Yes, the Observer from TribeTwelve.

And then just you have next to no memories, you've got no nothing

...just it's just there, and you're in a shift. And you don't have time to watch TribeTwelve, so you open the wiki, cuz you feel like you had like some nice moments with like Firebrand or something, and you read through the wiki and you go...

"Why the fuck am I called an asshole?? what??! why am I called a fucking coward?? wha- who said this??? Why are these in my TITLES section???"

And then you scroll down and it gets even funnier because it's like what do you mean what what do you mean like I said "shut the fuck up" to Firebrand???

What???

Like I don't remember that??

And, like the more I just continue scrolling and I'm just like "wow we hated each other, apparently" it's kind of funny, actually

Cuz now I'm just like where did I get those memories from?? what- what in the non-canon (or canon divergent)???

cuz it's like how would I use some of those how would I use some of these positive memories??

and I'm not even like sure of canon which makes me wonder, yknow am i just canon divergent as fuck, or am I just you know romanticizing or something??

It's funny.

This is confusing.

Anyways, Firebrand, fuck you, I guess cause apparently that's what the wiki says our relationship was I guess.

I dunno. I'm so fucking confused, haha-

I don't actually mean the fuck you I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck is up with me.

– The Observer [TribeTwelve] kin 👓👁

( who is having severe trouble with kinmems and laughing about it for some reason. )

x

[thegoldencontracts]

Housewardens React To Being Ignored As A Prank

Riddle Rosehearts

Collars you, no doubt about it.

Why are you ignoring him like this? If you have a problem, it's your responsibility to communicate it to him, is it not?

He's in a terrible mood the entire time. Why is his partner ignoring him like this? What has he done?

After finding out it's a prank, he'll end up inadvertently turning the tables. Not that he's ignoring you on purpose, he's just peeved, and he really doesn't want to see you right now.

Leona Kingscholar

He's mostly just annoyed with you, because this is obviously a poorly-planned prank. What exactly are you pulling on him?

Calls you out as quick as he can, and makes sure to inform you exactly how highly he thinks of that little thing.

He'll be a bit more grouchy, and yet, on the flip side, more clingy. Give the man his cuddles, please.

Azul Ashengrotto

Immediately gets to investigation. Why are you ignoring him? What exactly has he done? Or is it something pertaining to your mental health?

And pretty quickly, he finds you talking about your little prank. He's annoyed, but remains cordial as he confronts you.

He's definitely going to hold a grudge over this. If this is early on in your relationship, he'll really lay on the cold gentleman act.

If this is later on, though, and he knows he can trust you most of the time, he'll go the opposite direction with his reaction, and get real clingy. It's pretty cute, actually.

Kalim Al-Asim

Is just genuinely sad. Why would you do this to him?

He's really worried that he's accidentally acted careless and hurt you, since he's been told he does that. He does whatever he can to find out what he did wrong.

You're the one to end the thing with a profuse apology, and an odd sense of appreciation at having such a caring partner.

Willing to forgive you easily so long as you promise him you won't do this again.

Vil Schoenheit

Thinks you're immature and says that straight to your face. He doesn't realize it's a prank at first.

Then, he checks his magicam feed and sees a prank video of the sort, and it hits him.

Vil looks at you, unimpressed, and tells you those pranks are staged and that there's no point in emulating. You tell him you know.

The conversation quickly evolves into less of a talk about healthy communication and more commiseration over both of your feeds being spammed by content farms.

Idia Shroud

Immediately catches on.

Well, kinda. Ortho informs him immediately, to be specific. Thank Ortho for doing that, because he just saved Idia from a bunch of agonizing, and in turn, you from a massive grudge.

Idia's still huffy with you, asking why you'd do that, and don't you know he doesn't get this stuff, unlike the normies?

Afterwards, he's torn between wanting your reassurance and wanting to be mad at you. Help him out here, please.

Malleus Draconia

Deeply confused.

Has he done something wrong? Or is this some human ritual he was unaware of?

He asks Lilia, who proceeds to show him the magicam trend, with one little lamentation about how this little trend is half of his feed at this point, and he wants to stop it's spread.

Malleus understands now.

He tries to play along, he's just... Not very good at it.

"No, human, why are you ignoring me? I am incredibly confused because I do not know about the current trend, you see. This makes me worried and I will now proceed to say something that gets you those little 'likes'."

Said in the most deadpan voice ever.

Afterwards, Malleus gets into pranks. He keeps swapping cereals. He recently told Sebek ligma was a term of high respect, and it's all your fault.

Your comeuppance is Sebek calling you a ligma worthy of Malleus, it seems.

[linghxr]

Why you should watch 乘风破浪 and 披荆斩棘 to learn Chinese

What are these shows?

Both 披荆斩棘 and 乘风破浪 follow the same basic format: 30+ celebrity contestants, mostly actors and singers ages 30+, form teams and compete in singing and dancing over several rounds. Viewers vote on their favorite performances and contestants, and 1-3 contestants are eliminated each round. The top contestants form a temporary "group" and appear on a follow-up reality show.

Why you should watch

1. Exposure to different accents

Contestants come from all over the Chinese-speaking world: Dongbei, Sichuan, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and even Malaysia. I can personally say that watching these shows has vastly improved my ability to understand the Hong Kong Mandarin accent.

2. Pop culture knowledge

Because the contestants are celebrities, you'll be introduced to dozens of famous actors, singers, etc. Also, you'll hear the many iconic songs that they cover. I've impressed several native speakers with my with knowledge of pop culture and music.

3. Branch out to new media

These shows serve as a gateway to Chinese music, movies, and TV. if you really like the contestants who are actors, you can check out their shows and movies. If you enjoy a certain song or like a contestant who's a singer, you can explore more music.

4. Casual and formal registers

You’ll get to hear casual, unscripted speech while watching the behind-the-scenes and rehearsal clips. But you’ll also get to hear more formal speech when they’re announcing rules and also from the MC who hosts the actual live performances.

5. Incredible talent

Also, you should watch for the awesome performances and general fun. I love seeing the contestants' friendships, and I’m also obsessed with the amazing sets. There are some incredibly talented performers on these shows, and I love getting to see them shine.

Where to watch

All seasons are free to watch on YouTube! Sometimes clips may be muted or missing, probably due to YouTube's restrictions. But the vast, vast majority is available, and when a clip is missing, you can usually do a separate search and find it. I also pay for a Mango TV subscription, which is $1.99 USD/month.

乘风破浪 full episode playlist links:

乘风破浪的姐姐1

乘风破浪的姐姐2

乘风破浪3

乘风2023

乘风2024

披荆斩棘 full episode playlist links:

披荆斩棘的哥哥1

披荆斩棘2

披荆斩棘3

披荆斩棘4

To help you get started, below is a YouTube playlist of my some of my favorite performances (5 per season, except for the most recent season of each). Cause why not! Also, below the cut I'll put more details along with direct links to my favorite performances.

And if you're a fellow fan emotionally preparing for the 披荆斩棘4 finale 🥲, feel free to message me and commiserate!

See similar posts: I watched all the Chinese idol survival shows so you don’t have to (but you should anyway) Tips for finding Chinese-language media you like

Sisters Who Make Waves

Chinese title: 乘风破浪的姐姐 (S1-2) / 乘风破浪 (S3) / 乘风 (S4-5) English title: Sisters Who Make Waves (S1-3) / Ride the Wind (S4-5) *I call it Sisters for short

This series is the original, having started in 2020. The focus was on female empowerment, particularly of women 30+. A lot of the celebrities had slowed down in their careers, and the show served as their reintroduction to audiences. While female empowerment is still a theme today, I do feel it has lessened in prominence.

Season 1

The original, iconic season. You can tell they had a limited budget and not a ton of space, but it doesn't detract at all thanks to the incredible talent and energy of the contestants. And they had no idea what a phenomenon the show was going to be! Many of my most rewatched performances come from the season.

得不到的爱情

大碗宽面

相爱后动物感伤

FLOW

新物种

Season 2

This season has a special place in my heart as the first one I watched! It's the only one I've seen twice (when it originally aired and rewatched with friends). Compared to season 1, you can definitely tell they had a bigger budget and started to refine the format. Also, some of my all-time favorite contestants are from this season.

现在不跳舞要干嘛

归零

快乐宝贝

给自己的歌

我

Season 3

This season was the first with the show's "modern" and fully-developed format, which remains to this day. For example, they started to include more complex sets and recruited more diverse contestants, such as dancers, an athlete, etc. Also, my favorite performance of the entire series, 雾里, is from this season.

雾里

梦中人

山海

孤独颂歌

有吗炒面

Season 4

This season was the first time I felt there wasn’t improvement over the previous season. I think the stage design took a step backward, and I didn't love the international focus. It was hard to identify my favorite performances because I didn't feel strongly about many. That being said, my friends and I still enjoyed this season.

从头

千里万里

下个，路口，见

归途有风

I'm Not Yours

Season 5

Though this season has already ended, I'm not done yet. I watch with friends, so we move at a slower pace. So far, it seems largely in line with season 4. I'll update this post after we finish.

Call Me By Fire

Chinese title: 披荆斩棘的哥哥 (S1) / 披荆斩棘 (S2-3) English title: Call Me By Fire *I call it Brothers as a nickname

A show about female empowerment gets a male spin off? Out of skepticism, I did not plan to check out this show when it premiered in 2021 (after Sisters S2). But at some point I changed my mind, mostly because I had to run out of other shows. Little did I know I would arguably become a more devoted fan of this show than the original!

Season 1

This season had too many iconic performances to count, and in particular, the Hong Kong contestants really took the world by storm. Due to scandals, they edited out 2 contestants (Huo Zun and Li Yundi), which admittedly does make for an awkward viewing experience at times, but you should totally watch anyway.

凄美地

MMA

飞云之下

达拉崩吧

如果还有明天

Season 2

Looking back, season 2 did not have as many stand out performances as season 1, but it does boast my favorite performances of the entire series, 新地球. It also features a fantastic group of contestants, probably my favorite overall cohort of the show.

新地球

袖手旁观

私人生活

理想

凤毛麟角

Season 3

This was the first season to air after I started watching, though I didn't watch it live because I was still on season 2. While it's probably impossible to top the iconic status of season 1, I think season 3 was an improvement over season 2 in terms of memorable performances. We also got the iconic 0713 (2007快乐男声全国13强) contestants.

行走的鱼

爱人错过

Joker

走麦田

有没有一首歌会让你想起我

Season 4

This season is sadly coming to an end, although I have not started the finale yet. I'll start this weekend and update this post in the future after I've had some time to gather my thoughts.

Now I have to go finish 披荆斩棘4 episode 11 so I can watch the finale. Bye!!!

[anna-hawk]

L'étranger

Frank Castle x f!Reader

Summary: You decide to hit a bar after one hell of a day at work and meet a man who's willing to listen to you rant away. As the chemistry seems to build between you, you choose to be bold and ask him to come home with you. He doesn't give you what you want, but ends up giving you what you need.

Rating: Explicit 🔞 // WC: 5,9k

CW: PWP, sex as stress relief, bj, finger fucking, soft and emotional sex, first meetings

A/N: this is based on my current work life. I just wish I could meet Frank that way too 😅. Also, the title means "The Stranger" in French.

Read it on AO3

Stumbling through the doors of the first decent bar you found after leaving your job, you made a beeline for the counter, desperately needing a glass of wine or beer. Or whatever. You weren’t picky tonight. You threw yourself onto a free bar stool, slapped your purse onto the counter with a resounding smack, and uttered a large and miserable half sigh, half groan. 

“Sounds like someone had a day, huh?”

You tiredly glanced to the side and caught the sight of the man the voice belonged to. Absently, you thought to yourself that you’d at least managed to sit down next to a good-looking guy. The sharp jaw, broad nose and wide shoulders definitely did it for you. Unfortunately, you were too exhausted, mentally and physically, to really take more note of him right now. Instead, you stared at him with half open eyes and a flat expression. At his lopsided smile and expression of genuine concern, however, you huffed out a bitter laugh that transformed into another one of your long sighs. 

“More like month.”

The man cringed in commiseration and lifted his hand for the bartender to get his attention.  

“Hey, man, serve the lady whatever she wants and put it on my tab, yeah?” 

Your eyes widened in surprise at his words.

“That's really kind of you, but you don't have to,” you said softly, waving a hand around. 

“I know,” he replied simply, but shrugged in a way that clearly stated that he was still doing it. 

You stared at him for a second while he took a gulp of his beer, observing his profile. And what a profile it was. You weren’t in the mood for dealing with a man trying to hit on you, but this guy wasn’t showing you more than genuine kindness. 

“Thanks,” you finally said, giving your order to the waiting bartender. 

“Don’ mention it,” the man smiled, inclining his bottle of beer towards you. 

Silence fell, but you could see him watching you out of the corner of your eyes, contemplating you as you pulled out your phone and put it on do not disturb. You refused to be bothered by anything from work or anything else for that matter. You muttered darkly under your breath as you saw the text in the most recent notification for your job’s group chat, but chose to ignore it. They could deal without you for the next two days. 

“Wanna talk about it?” The man asked tentatively right when your drink arrived. 

You gave him an amused side eye and took a long sip of your drink, groaning in satisfaction at the taste.

“I don't wanna bore you with my shit, but thanks for asking.”

You weren’t blowing him off, but really didn’t think that he’d be interested in listening to everything that was bothering you. 

Apparently he figured that he wasn’t the issue, since he shrugged. “I don't mind. Not a lot I can do, I guess, but if you just wanna rant at someone, go ahead.” 

You laughed at the suggestion and sighed deeply, turning towards him with your head tilted to the side. 

“Oh, you're not ready for this.”

He smirked and faced you as well. “Try me anyway?”

You stared at him for a while, considering him, but he only looked back calmly. Before you knew what was happening, you were talking.

“It’s my job… My manager is retiring in the next few weeks, and the guy replacing her is the worst choice the higher ups could have ever made. He comes from a different field, knows jack about what we do, and trust me, it’s not the past month he spent with my manager while she trained him, well, tried to at least, that will teach him everything he needs to know. It’s just impossible. She always has so much to take care of, and I don’t think that he realizes it yet. And if at least he was putting in the effort and showing us that he wants to do well, that would already be great, but he doesn’t. He keeps putting the blame on other people or the system or whatever whenever something isn’t working, or he messes up. He’s all fake smiles and laughs, but he complains about everything. It’s a nightmare. The thing is, he isn’t the only one at fault. The general manager handpicked him because she knows that she can control him, something she couldn’t do with my old manager. Our office is kinda far away from the headquarters, and we always did great work without anyone’s help. I’ve been working for that company for fifteen years, and my coworkers and I felt that everything was flowing pretty well, even if we knew that the company has more flaws than good sides. Although the salary isn’t what I’d love it to be, I love my coworkers, and the job itself is fine too. But now, with the manager gone, we all suddenly realize just how much shit is going on behind the scenes and what might happen to us. They tried to bribe us by giving out bonuses, but only to certain people. It was all supposed to be hush-hush, y’know. The people getting the bonus weren’t supposed to talk about it, but that’s not how we work. So instead of making us happy, it made us more angry. Not at each other but at the higher ups. Why would some of us get a bonus and others wouldn’t, when we’re doing the exact same job? That, and don’t get me started on how they’re basically kicking my old manager to the curb. She gave thirty years of her life to that company, worked her ass off, spent hours upon hours working so the job wouldn't transform into a giant shitshow. Her work ethic is incredible, and the higher-ups don’t seem to realize just how much she brought to the company. My guess is that they’ll have a rude awakening once she’s officially gone and everything is going to come crumbling down around us.” 

You paused, sighed explosively, and drank down the rest of your drink. 

“Well, shit,” the man said with raised eyebrows. “I’m sorry you have to go through this. These people really don’t sound like they deserve to have you or your coworkers puttin’ all that effort into the company.”

You scoffed as you stared into your empty glass. 

“You bet your ass they don’t,” you muttered sourly. 

The man chuckled at your vindictive tone, which had your lips pulling up on one side. 

“Hey, man, can we get a refill?”

You lifted your eyes to find your stranger addressing the barkeep and waving a hand over his beer bottle and your glass. While the barkeeper nodded and started on the drinks, you smiled ruefully as your seat neighbor turned his attention back on you, your heart squeezing at the soft smile he sent your way. 

“Thank you,” you whispered, ducking your head. 

“No problem,” he replied in a low tone. 

After a few seconds of silence, you realized that he was still watching you expectantly when you looked at him again. He chuckled at your expression. 

“Somethin’ tells me there’s more.” 

You laughed, loudly and with a wave of relief washing over you. Talking to him was lifting a giant weight off of you, as if getting the words off your chest had been more necessary than you could have ever imagined. His grin was wide as he watched you laugh, which had your stomach warming at the attention. 

“I wanna quit,” you started before pausing briefly and watching the barkeeper bring your drinks. You thanked him and took a fortifying sip. The drink you chose wasn’t too strong, since you just wanted to take the edge off, so you weren’t even really tipsy now. You definitely felt more loose, though. “I’ve thought about changing careers for ages. I don’t mind my current job as it is, it has good and bad points, like any job, I guess. So I’ve put my actual dream career to the side for years, focusing on staying financially stable instead. But now, I realize that I don’t wanna stay in that fucking company. I just can’t, you know? I can’t work ridiculous hours for a barely decent salary anymore. The thing is, I can’t just up and quit like that. I’d lose all the benefits I got over the years, and getting the degree that I need to be able to do what I really want costs money. So right now, I’m still checking out my options, but if the CEO doesn’t agree to let me go with my benefits, I don’t know what I’ll do.” You shook your head miserably and swirled your drink around in the glass. “Going into work and being stressed has been part of the job since day one. But mostly, it was never in a bad way. Especially lately, because I know my job, and I’m good at it. Now, though… When I’m going in, I feel pure disgust and contempt for the people employing me. I’m just so… done.”

You finished with a long breath, your anger simmering down after getting it all out, leaving you with mostly frustration. Your face suddenly grew hot as you realized that you’d basically word-vomited in front of a complete stranger, showing him all the ugly feelings and resentment you’d been carrying around for the past couple of months. 

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, closing your eyes and rubbing over them with your thumb and index. “I know you said you were okay with this, but I still feel like I basically just dumped everything on you like a whiny kid.” 

You heard him chuckling, the sound low and warm. 

“Yeah, I told you to go for it, but you didn’t sound whiny to me at all. Just like someone who really needed to get it all off their chest.” 

Leaning your head over your folded arms that were already lying on the counter, you turned your face towards him with a small smile. 

“Guess I did.”

“Do you feel any better?” He watched you intently, his eyes moving over your whole face. 

You looked to the side, taking stock of your emotions, before you met his gaze again with a smile. 

“Yeah… I do.”

“See. Worth listening, then.”

After the past weeks of absolute nightmare, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have happened upon someone as kind as this man. 

“You’re something else, you know that?” you said with a tone of wonder, taking more of him in. You'd noticed his prominent nose earlier, but his mouth was just as worth looking at, as were his brown eyes. 

He scoffed, the sound self-deprecating, but he didn’t say anything, and instead, took a swig from his beer, which brought his large hands into your line of sight. 

“Thank you,” you continued, keeping your eyes on him from your slouched position over your arms. 

“No problem.” This time, he was the one to look away, as if suddenly shy, which only intrigued you more. 

Straightening again, you propped your elbow on the counter and put your head on your fist, leaning slightly in his direction as you observed him with interest. He automatically looked at you again, beer bottle halfway to his mouth. Your heart started to beat faster as his eyes dropped to your mouth. You bit at the side of your bottom lip, as if in reply to his staring, and felt a zap of want when he met your eyes again with a different kind of intensity. Emboldened by your drink and his reaction to you, you leaned in enough for him to be the only one able to hear you. 

“Come home with me?”

The man blinked at you once before simply staring at you quietly, which was the only sign that he was at least slightly surprised by you being this straightforward. You held his gaze, no matter how much you wanted to look away, as embarrassment started to run through you despite your boldness. As his eyes drifted to your mouth again, your anxiousness began to evaporate. 

“Hey, Will,” he said, while keeping his attention solely on you as he addressed the bartender who was walking past you. “I’ll close my tab next time, yeah?”

“Sure thing,” Will answered easily, grabbing the beer bottle and glass from in front of you to put them away. 

Biting your lower lip on a giddy grin at the realization that this was actually happening, you got up and grabbed your purse. The man rose as well, a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth at your reaction. As you walked out of the bar and onto the sidewalk, you hailed a taxi that was just turning the corner of the street. The both of you got into the car, and once you’d given the driver your address, you spent the ten minutes it took to get to your building in silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but your heart was beating like crazy as you tried not to overthink your decision. You refrained from looking at him directly as well, opting to keep your gaze on the street. However, you were aware that he was watching you through the semi darkness of the cab. After arriving in front of your building and stepping out of the taxi after paying for it, you made your way towards your apartment, with the man following one step behind you. He stayed beside you as you fished for your keys, staying just as quiet as before. 

“Right, um, I’ll quickly hit the shower, okay? Been in these work clothes for much longer than I like,” you laughed awkwardly, as you stepped through your apartment door. 

You internally rolled your eyes at yourself at your babbling, but the man just sent you a small smile and hummed in understanding. You nodded and began walking off, but after only one step, you quickly turned back to him. 

“Make yourself at home, yeah? Um… I don’t have anything interesting to drink but if-”

A warm palm cupped one of your cheeks and tilted your face into the man’s direction as he stepped close to you, effectively shutting you up. 

“I’m fine, ‘kay? You go take that shower, and I’ll just wait here, alright?” he said soothingly, his voice low and gentle. 

Staring into his soft brown eyes, you blinked at him before you nodded with a small smile. He let go of you, and you immediately headed into your bathroom, shutting the door and taking a deep breath. You rushed through removing your clothes and finally stepped into the shower. The hot water helped relax your nerves, and by the time you were done, you were still nervous but in an excited way this time. Once you were done drying off and brushing your teeth, you put on a thin bathrobe. As you looked at your underwear selection, you bit your lower lip as you chose to forgo putting on panties. If things went as planned, you wouldn’t be wearing them long anyway. As you stepped out again, you found him standing in front of your bookshelf, his head inclined to the side as he read the titles. He lifted his head towards you, his eyes drifting over your whole body as he watched you approach. 

“Hey,” you said quietly, giving him a small smile. 

“You got a nice book selection,” he commented casually, while standing close to you. 

You threw your bookshelf a small glance and smiled. “You can borrow whatever you like.” 

He hummed, the sound contemplative, but he leaned in until his nose was almost touching yours. 

“Maybe not tonight.” 

You nodded, going nearly cross-eyed as you stared into his warm eyes. A second later, you were closing them anyway, as he tilted his head and pressed his mouth against yours. It was only a gentle press of his lips at first, which he repeated as he leaned his head to the other side this time. His hands came up to cup the sides of your neck, using his thumbs under your jaw to direct your face how he wanted it. Your hands lifted to his biceps, squeezing them as you tentatively sucked at his bottom lip. He seemed to enjoy it, since he grunted and moved in further, causing you to take a step back and against the bookshelf. You moaned softly and opened your mouth as his tongue gently slid over your top lip. As the kiss deepened, you slid your arms around his waist, grabbing at the shirt, while he cupped the back of your neck and placed his other hand on your lower back, bringing you fully against him. You tried pushing for more, but the man simply stroked his tongue lazily against yours while keeping you flush against him. Despite the slowness of the kiss, your knees were beginning to shake anyway with how thoroughly he was delving between your lips. 

“Be — bedroom,” you gasped in between two presses of his lips against yours. 

Your stranger leaned his head away to quietly stare into your eyes, his expression intense, before he took a step away from you, indicating for you to lead the way. Biting your bottom lip, you briefly hesitated before you took hold of his hand to pull him towards the bedroom. As you reached the foot end of the bed, you turned back to him, meeting his gaze. He stepped back into your space without waiting for you to pull him towards you, his hands drifting over your hips and to your back as he sought out your mouth again. You sighed into the new kiss and ran your fingers through his lush hair. A thrill rippled through you as his hands moved down to your ass, squeezing it sporadically while the kiss turned hungrier. Wanting to get to your skin, his hands slowly parted the sides of the bathrobe until his fingers could touch your bare thighs. He ran them up slowly, making you shiver as he progressively reached your hips. They stilled for a brief moment as he realized that you weren’t wearing anything underneath the robe. His answer to that fact was to exhale harshly through his nose and make you take a step back towards the bed as he gently bit down on your bottom lip. You gasped at the sharpness of his teeth, and moaned into his mouth. His hands kept exploring your back, ass, and thighs, until you couldn’t stand it anymore and swiftly moved away from him to untie the robe and remove it at last. You were about to return between his arms, but the way he watched you attentively had you stopping and, instead, moving back, taking the last step needed to get on your bed. You did so slowly, moving backwards as you knelt down at the end of the bed. His eyes roved over your body, observing you with such obvious desire that it almost left you breathless. You hadn’t realized just how much you needed this kind of undivided and honest attention. The man licked his lips quickly, before he walked up to you and bent down to cup your face and bring his mouth back to yours. Your eyes fell shut as you let him explore your mouth again, tipping your head to the side when he drifted his lips to your jaw before he tilted your head up to kiss down your neck and throat. Needing more of him, you reached for the buckle of his belt and tugged at it meaningfully. He leaned back a fraction to stare at you with a small smile, which you returned before you attacked the belt with needy fingers. Your heart beats were stumbling over each other at the sight of the sizable bulge in his jeans, making you almost clumsy in your haste to get to see all of him. Your stranger let you work in silence, but you knew that he was watching you. His shirt got in the way of your fingers a couple of times, making you huff and tug it up. 

“Off. Now,” you ordered almost snappishly, which only had the man chuckling in amusement. 

As you finally popped open the top button on the jeans, the man complied with your request and began to undo his shirt. With most of the buttons undone, he lifted his hands to the collar of his shirt to pull it over his head. While he did so, you fully opened his fly and tugged the jeans and underwear down enough to free his length. You took in a shaky breath as saliva pooled in your mouth at the gorgeous cock standing proudly in front of you. Right as your stranger was having his face covered by the shirt while he pulled it off, you dropped to your front on the bed and leaned in without a second thought, sliding your lips around the tip. His hips jerked as he uttered a short curse of surprise, finally ridding himself off the shirt, which he threw to the side. 

“Shit,” he rasped, as you slowly licked around the head, lapping at the nerves surrounding the crown and using your hands to guide him this or that way. 

Using your elbows for support, you took more of him into your mouth, raising your eyes to his as you did so. His fingers landed in your hair, stroking over it in a gentle caress as he watched you with hooded eyes. You bobbed your head, filling your mouth with as much of him as you could. He felt incredible, big and hot, coating your tongue with his taste and making you moan. Tilting his head to one side, he slowly pulled all the way out, keeping himself a few centimeters away from your mouth. You lowered your eyes to his cock, before you met his hungry gaze again, and opened your mouth. Licking his lips again, his nostrils flared as he slid back between your lips, groaning as you sucked him in eagerly. You let him fuck in and out for a few slow thrusts, delighting in the way he was watching you and how he filled your mouth. Which only made your core ache with the need to have him inside you. 

Pulling off with one last lick, you rose to your knees and grasped the back of his head with both hands. There was no need for words as you met in the middle for a heated kiss. He quickly stepped out of his boots and the rest of his clothes before following you onto the bed, the both of you moving back on your knees until you got to the center. With one arm around your back, he lowered you to the mattress and slipped between your thighs. He draped his body over yours but held himself up with one elbow, using his other hand to stroke the fingers over your jaw. The way he stared at you had a warm shiver going through you, which only got stronger as his hand traveled down your body. His eyes didn’t waver from yours as his hand arrived at your mound before it went further. Your lips parted in a small breath as his fingers drew around your slick folds in a gentle caress, only for your mouth to open wider when he gently began pushing two fingers inside you. You moaned softly and bit your lip as he removed them before he slid them back inside. He watched you intently, drinking in each of your expressions of pleasure as you gripped his shoulders while he slowly fucked you with his fingers. 

“Please,” you begged, clawing at his skin when he didn’t move faster. 

Instead of picking up the pace, you felt a third finger pressing in alongside the two others, forcing a sharp gasp out of you. Throwing your head back against the pillow, you squeezed around his fingers, which earned you a low groan from him. He didn’t go faster, though, content to watch you squirm and moan as your hips undulated on their own to get more friction. Finally, he stopped moving, however kept the fingers inside you, and used his thumb to lightly rub it against your clit. Your hips jerked and thrust up into the contact, while you cried out at the sudden shift in erogenous zone. On any other day, and had you been in a different mood, you would have actually loved having his fingers inside you like this, teasing you, but tonight, you needed him to fuck you. Extending an arm towards the bedside table, you blindly grabbed for the drawer. 

“Please,” you repeated, meeting his attentive gaze with your half lidded eyes. “Fuck me.” 

His eyes followed the length of your arm towards the bedside table. He glanced back at you briefly, before he withdrew his fingers from you, which had you sighing in loss but also excitement at what was to come. Quickly rolling to your side, you opened the drawer to get a condom out of it before laying back under him. He held himself up with his hands level with your shoulders now, watching you as you tore the wrapper open and pulled the condom out. He leaned down and placed a long kiss on your lips before moving up again. 

“Go on,” he rasped, the tone telling you that he was at least as affected by the situation as you. 

With your heart slamming in your throat, you peered between your bodies and rolled the condom down his length, licking your lips as it twitched between your fingers when you made sure it was secure at the base. Usually, doing this was something perfunctory, just a step to get to the good part, but with this man’s low grunt as he watched you, you felt yourself burning up even more. Slowly, you shifted your gaze back to his, meeting molten eyes as he lowered himself to one forearm again. He curled his hand under your neck to slip his fingers into the hair at the base of your head, while his other hand vanished between your bodies like earlier, only to line himself up with your entrance this time. You threw your legs over his hips as he did so, and let your fingers run through his hair before closing them in the soft strands on top. His gaze found yours as he pushed inside you slowly, so incredibly slowly. Your mouth fell open on a silent cry as you felt every inch of him inexorably burying inside you. He grunted and hissed when your fingers tightened in his hair, but his eyes remained focused on your face. When he was finally completely inside you, you brought his head down to kiss him deeply and squeezed around his cock to get a better feel of it. He groaned into your mouth and pushed his hips further into you, only resulting in making your head press into the headboard since he was already so deep inside you. While keeping his lips locked with yours, he began to pull out, using the same pace as while moving inside. You moaned and tightly wrapped your legs around his hips, while your walls tried to keep him inside you. He stayed there, with only the tip still inside you. Sucking on his lower lip harshly, you pressed your heels into his ass to get him to move, which he finally did, albeit as unhurriedly as before. He did it again and again, going slow but deep every time, tilting his hips in just the right way and driving you absolutely mad with need. 

“More,” you moaned brokenly, tugging at his hair and shoulders. 

His hand slid down your hair until it was curving over your neck, with the thumb lying at the hollow of your throat. He did move faster then, but it was still too slow for your liking. Drawing your nails down his arms, you keened, halfway between intense pleasure and intense frustration. 

“Fuck me,” you begged, as your fingers squeezed and gripped at his arms and shoulders. “Please, just-”

But the man kissed you quiet. Your eyes closed at the thorough kiss, except that it didn’t last long, since he knelt up and thrust in deep. You cried out, but as good as it felt, he still wasn’t fucking you harder. As you were about to grab his arms again, he caught your wrists and crossed them over each other. You gasped in surprise when he used one of his large palms to press your crossed hands between your breasts, keeping them there with strong fingers. Staring at him with wide and desperate eyes, you whined feebly as his hips gently rocked into yours, making a sharp bout of pleasure run through you. 

“Please,” you repeated for the nth time. “Just… please,” you whispered the last word, feeling your throat constrict. 

His expression was tender as he watched you while he leaned over you. 

“I got you,” he promised in a low tone, kissing you once. “I got you, Sweetheart.” 

The endearment and affection in his words had your heart missing a beat. 

Straightening again, he began moving once more, one hand at your throat, the other still holding your hands secure against your chest. His hips moved firmly; not quick and hard, but firm and intense, letting you feel all of him, while your legs, the only point of you able to do anything, kept pressing the heels into the back of his thighs. You whimpered at the pleasure he was giving you, so utterly different from what you had expected. As your stranger slowly but unrelentingly had your body climbing to its climax, you realized that he wasn’t giving into your pleas because he didn’t want to, but because he knew what you really needed. He’d listened to your story, observed you keenly, let you take the lead. He’d silently taken all of you in to reach this moment and give you what you needed and didn't realize you wanted: letting him take care of you and making you let go of all the negative things that were part of your life. It was with that knowledge that you were suddenly coming, the intensity of your orgasm so strong and so abrupt that your head flew back, your eyes closing tightly, as a cut-off sob spilled over your lips from the overload of feelings. 

“Sh, sh.” 

You felt his body leaning over yours again as his voice drifted closer to your face. His lips moved between your mouth and jaw, placing gentle kisses here and there as he let go of your hands. You instantly wrapped them around his shoulders, holding him tightly as he slid his nose against your neck while his hips picked up speed. Your thighs were trembling against his sides, but you didn’t let go of him, clinging to him as he rode towards his own release. His fingers combed through your hair as another sob ripped through you, which he followed by lifting his face to kiss you fiercely. You welcomed his mouth with gratitude, letting your tongues stroke against each other sensually until he came with a deep groan, his cock pushing as far inside you as possible. 

As you both panted softly, you met his gaze when he slightly leaned up, his eyes moving between yours searchingly. The hand that had been at your throat rose to your face, his thumb stroking away the wetness under your eye. 

“You good?” he asked in a quiet voice. 

You stared at him silently, letting your eyes slide over his face with its warm gaze and worried pull of his mouth. Uncurling your arms from around his neck, you cupped his face and let your thumbs brush over his cheeks. 

“Yeah,” you answered softly, and smiled as his lips pulled up before meeting him for an unhurried kiss. 

After a minute, he pressed a final kiss to your cheek and gently pulled out before rolling to the side and off the bed. You watched him pick up his clothes and leave the room in silence. Biting your lip as you gathered your thoughts while climbing out of bed as well, you grabbed the loose T-shirt you wore to bed from the hook behind the door and slipped it on. With a small glance at the empty doorway, you returned to the bed and pulled down the covers to settle into a sitting position against the pillows, feeling unsure of what to do now. The man came back with only his jeans on, which had you taking a couple of seconds to admire his gorgeous form before you met his eyes. He remained in the doorway, looking as unsure as you. His fingers fiddled with the shirt absently as his eyes dropped to the floor and then to the side. When you had asked him to come home with you, it had been a spur of the moment decision, only done to get all the frustration out of your system. A one-time thing, purposely choosing to keep the encounter anonymous. But you didn’t want him to leave. Not yet, anyway. If he wanted to leave, that was okay, but-

“You could stay if you want,” you found yourself saying, as he still hadn’t moved away from the doorway. 

His eyes snapped to yours, then to the spot next to you, considering it for a second before he nodded a few times. He moved towards the bed and joined you under the covers after taking off his clothes again. Lying down next to him, you faced each other. His eyes traveled over your face again, stopping at your mouth a few times, which had you smiling lightly. At that, his gaze found yours, but you both stayed quiet as you observed each other. 

“Thanks for tonight,” you finally said softly, with a faint smile. 

The man frowned and shook his head as he looked down. “You don’t gotta thank me for nothin’.”

You smiled fondly at his display of shyness. “Maybe, but I haven’t felt this… peaceful in weeks, and this means a lot to me.”

He nodded in acknowledgement and lifted his eyes to yours with a tiny, one-sided smile. You bit your bottom lip as you observed him.

“You really are something else,” you murmured, before chuckling at his unconvinced huff. “No, you really are…” you trailed off meaningfully. 

“Frank,” came the answer after a beat of silence.

Your smile widened at finding out his name.

“Nice to meet you, Frank,” you grinned before sharing your name as well. 

Frank snorted at your antics. “Yeah,” he said in a low and pleasant tone. “Likewise.” 

A second later, a giant yawn split your face, which had Frank chuckling in amusement, while you tried to muffle the yawn with a hand and push at his chest with the other. 

“Maybe we should get some rest, huh?” he suggested with a small laugh. 

You only hummed in agreement and turned briefly to your other side to reach the light switch, sinking the room into darkness with only the city lights coming through the blinds. 

“Good night, Frank,” you said softly, the name sounding private in the small space between your bodies. 

“Night, sweetheart,” he repeated in an almost whisper, shifting closer to press a tender kiss to your forehead while he pulled you into his side. 

[qqueenofhades]

For creative writing purposes, can you go into what a typical day is for a professor? Like what their teaching schedule looks like, when most fit in their research time, etc?

Ahaha, well. I don't want to just say "you can completely make it up," but also.... you can pretty much just make it up, and what is the case for one professor is definitely not going to be true for another. I have known people who will send emails at 1am and/or 4am, and actually finding and fitting in research time for most academics is also "lololololol what." So I can give you a roster of typical daily academic tasks and categories, and then let you know if that if you want to throw them up in the air and scatter them around in literally whatever-the-fuck order, there is probably a beleaguered academic who has done that, but with an even worse sleep schedule. So:

Most permanent faculty at a university are hired as assistant (tenure-track) professors. Once they pass the tenure-committee review (usually about 5 years into the job) they are appointed as associate (tenured) professors. Full professors are considerably senior and/or have been in the field for a long time and have a distinguished service record, excluding various wunderkinds who get it early (but are not common).

If the faculty is just teaching one class a semester or has an irregular appointment, i.e. they step in to teach when the university needs them, they are adjunct professors. You can gain a lot of cred and/or commiserating groaning in your AO3 comments by complaining about how little money the adjunct faculty makes, how erratic their schedule is, and how there is generally little-to-no actual career advancement possible in that position, unless they manage to reapply to a permanent post.

There are also a lot of Visiting Assistant Professors (and similar title), for 2- or 3-year/non-permanent appointments. Many institutions now also offer 1-year VAPs with only a possibility of renewal for 1 additional year or not at all. Those institutions should go straight to hell.

Most professors have 3/3 teaching loads, i.e. they'll teach 3 classes per semester (assuming winter/spring semester). Others have 2/2/2 loads for trimesters (also known as quarters). It can be more, i.e. 4/4, but that's for sucky entry-level teaching-only positions and someone in that role would be unlikely to have any research or service (i.e. institutional committee or internal college) commitments. They would probably also mostly be teaching introductory or freshman-year general survey courses. It depends on how much you want to torture your fictional academic.

Free food? Yes. You will see a healthy amount of the department there, whether faculty or student.

Please remember to have your fictional academic receive approximately 50 student emails a day wherein they ask something that is clearly answered in the syllabus or on the course website, and to see how polite they can possibly be in telling said student this.

Most grading is now done online, so the red pen is only metaphorical, but you can leave SO many Pointed Comments on Canvas Speed Grader. But if you want to torture Dr. Blorbo, you can have the e-grading system suddenly stop working, so they have to grade three classes' worth of introductory freshman history essays by hand. Not based on real events.

Likewise, there will be endless bullshit with the dean's office and/or central university administration, wherein there will be so many Urgent Budget Updates and Breaking News From The Chancellor and We Regret To Inform You We Cannot Hire Someone For That Position.

Related to the budget woes: they will ask you to do things like "make sure you print on both sides of the paper!" or otherwise "economize." Contemplating murder is acceptable and encouraged.

The administrative assistant in each department holds the entire department together. They will be extremely indispensable. Your fictional academic, if they know what's good for them, will befriend that person and/or grovel at their feet. Said person is also usually responsible for scheduling classrooms, which can cause all kinds of juicy drama in the academic fandom if there is One Particular Classroom that everyone hates and lo and behold, Dr. Blorbo is stuck there yet again. They will then probably also fire off multiple passive-aggressive emails attempting to correct the problem. The administrative assistant can grant and/or ignore these requests at their discretion, depending on how much beef they have with Dr. Blorbo and/or how motivated they are to solve their problems.

Department meetings! Who asked for them? Nobody! Who has to attend them? Everybody! They go on for two hours every other week (possibly more depending on how meeting-happy your department chair is) and you will wish for death!

Likewise, the department staff sending out passive-aggressive emails about how they really NEED one more volunteer for (insert university event here). Dr. Blorbo, if they are smart, will delete these emails and pretend they never saw them, but sometimes it may be unavoidable. Bitching and moaning will follow.

For research: it really depends on what academic field Dr. Blorbo is in, since the hard sciences, etc. look quite different and I, as a humanities person, can't speak to that. Most academics aim to fairly regularly publish a piece in a peer-reviewed journal; you can check Dr. Blorbo's field to see what journals they might be trying to submit a journal article (usually max. 8000 words, sometimes more) to.

This will go through a process called Peer Review, wherein two anonymous academics review your work (also anonymized to them) to make sure that you are not talking out of your ass. It is a running joke that Reviewer 2 will always, ALWAYS be more grumpy and critical and otherwise annoying. Invoking the specter of Dr. Blorbo receiving a peer review evaluation for their article will send a shiver down every academic's spine.

If Dr. Blorbo has recently finished their PhD, they may be working on converting their PhD thesis into an academic monograph. The most horrible part of this process, hands down, is reviewing proofs to make an index. Don't ask me how I know this.

However, academic monographs take a lot of time and work and most academics are mostly focused on publishing journal articles, book chapters (in collected volumes) or editing/working in collaboration with other projects.

Likewise: Dr. Blorbo will have to write book reviews. This is accomplished by the very scientific method of subscribing to various industry publications and/or email lists that will sometimes send out lists of books that need to be reviewed and solicit people to sign up. You will then receive a hard copy of the book (usually) and have 3 months or so to read it and write a review. The first 2 months of this, give or take, will consist of the book sitting untouched on the academic's desk as they remind themselves that they still have plenty of time to do it.

There can, however, be INCREDIBLE beef in book reviews, and while the standards of professional courtesy dictate that you don't go great-guns-flaming calling someone else in your field a moron (in more technical language), sometimes it is unavoidable.

Do they get paid for any of this extra intellectual work? Lol. No. No they do not. They don't get paid enough for their actual job.

Dr. Blorbo will inevitably hear some Hot Gossip about what nonsense has recently happened at which field-specific conference (where academics go to present research papers and network with other academics and make regrettable decisions at the open bar). They will then rush to secretly text all their other academic friends with OOH JUICY ACADEMIC DRAMA. Their friends will do the same whenever the opportunity arises to reciprocate.

Removing the coffee machine from the break room/faculty kitchen is grounds for mutiny.

Anyway. I am sure there are many, MANY more, but if you want an authentic slice of long-suffering academic life for Dr. Blorbo, this is all a good place to start.

[alastors-antlers]

Being someone who sees a lot of talk about shipping Alastor (sexually, romantically) in fanworks, I just want to take some time to talk about both sides of the issue. It's long, I know - please, please bear with me until the end, and I hope you'll understand what I mean in a bit.

I hope this helps someone, but as an aroace person who understands the frustration and hurt, this is often how it feels to me:

Alastor, being one of the limited cases of aspec rep that I've seen and one of even fewer which I actually enjoyed, means a lot to me.

That being said, his canon rep establishes that he's aroace but not much about how this factors into his life or relationships at all -- and when there's a gap in canon, I turn to fanfiction, which tends to spotlight characters' queerness even when the source material doesn't or can't. Don't we all want to see ourselves in the media we engage with?

When I pull up AO3, there are already a good number of fics about him. Great! Some of them are definitely incredible; but as I read on, it starts to seem like a lot of fics I see acknowledge that he's asexual or aromantic in some way but don't really factor that into the story. It reads like you could have written the story without keeping his queer identity in mind, and it would've come out the same.

Even when representation that does resonate with me exists, it starts to be exhausting to pick through the slash tags to see which ones are written in an aspec-coded way, so I wonder if it would be easier to not read anything with slash at all. On the other hand, when you filter ships out completely, only a tiny fraction of the fanworks are left.

People often respond that aspec people can have relationships, and I think we tend to know that. They can have sex, some can experience sexual attraction in select situations, they can romance others beyond romantic attraction -- any combination of things. But some aroace people don't want either, and sometimes we're struggling to see ourselves in how Alastor is typically portrayed.

Out of all of the fics, sex-repulsed, totally aromantic Alastor isn't seen much. And when Alastor's limited canon seems to be pretty supportive of a reading where he is those things...

Sometimes, you start to feel lost. If fics were evenly distributed along the aroace spectrum of experiences, wouldn't you expect more fics of him being the "totally uninterested" brand of aroace? But there aren't. People seem to have a preference toward seeing him in relationships. Even if they mean well, it can make you think: what does that say about how we view asexuality/aromanticism as a whole?

Is there something less interesting about Alastor, when romance is taken out of the picture? Do others find him less appealing as a character if they can't see him dating, or in love, or having sex or wanting it? Why do we need romance, when romance is already everywhere else, when it doesn't even feel like he was originally really interested? It brings to mind a struggle to be societally accepted, even today.

Even when it's not technically wrong to write Alastor as you see him, being told that we should all be able to ship him however we want can feel like this:

It brings to mind people who try to swing in with misinformed good intentions, telling us "oh, you're aromantic? but you can still have romantic relationships, right? so you can still be normal." when all we want is to be okay outside of the normal.

Or trying to find a partner who can be with us, out of everyone who tells us "I know you don't enjoy sex, and that's okay, but I can't have a romantic relationship with you without it." and being so tired of hoping for someone who gets it.

Or talking with peers, and hearing them all commiserate and fawn over their experiences with love, then telling them about someone you like non-romantically and getting "aww, it sounds like somebody's got a crush!" but not being believed when you tell them it's not like that at all.

Alastor is not a big deal, not really, not in the grand scheme of things. But in an allonormative world, it can feel like a sudden splash of cold water when we were expecting a warm fire to sit around. Even within this ecosystem, we squint to see ourselves reflected.

Society isn't built for us. It can be exhausting to be reminded of that.

~~~

I hope to support people writing Alastor as any variation of aspec, or not even aspec at all. At the end of the day, I think that fanon is really whatever you want it to be, and everyone has their own reasons for writing what they find enjoyable. They should be allowed to do so, and I want to believe that people do what they do with good intentions.

They want to imagine scenarios with the templates of characters they love, and that's okay; even beyond sexuality/queer identities/etc., fan interpretations of characters can be incredibly, wildly different from who they really are in the story anyway, and that's what I try to remind myself. But still, I also can't help feeling disappointed about the aroace representation we could have seen.

(Is Alastor canonically sex-repulsed? Uhh, maybe. If I had to guess, that'd be my top guess, but this might be a hot take: I wouldn't really say there's enough to go off of considering that this view is supported by Angel propositioning him both times, and it's not like Alastor is a particularly big fan of Angel at those points anyway lol)

To my fellow aroaces struggling with Alastor's fandom rep: if you need a break from it all; if you need to block the tags that you hate; if you need to talk to someone about how you're feeling; that's okay. It makes sense that you'd want more representation in a way that helps you feel seen and validated and less alone. I can't speak for everyone, but I think I get it.

I don't have any solutions for how you're feeling, because sometimes I'm feeling the same way. I understand that you want others to get your position and you have the right to express your feelings, but even if you're correct, often being angry or frustrated won't help change others' minds, so let's try to save our energy and take care of ourselves.

Something that helps me to think about is that even now, asexuality is gaining more visibility. We're gaining support. Real change is happening in the world that's helping incredible amounts of aspec people feel freer to be themselves. And maybe one day, we won't be reaching to protect our scraps of representation.

Let's fight until that day together <3

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Your Touch Builds a Bonfire - A John Shelby/Reader One Shot Story.

Just a bit of John smut for my lovelies on this cold Saturday night! Enjoy, darlings :)

Words - 1,810

Warnings - Spicy smut below the cut, minors DNI!

The way he twirls a pencil between his fingers, watching how the phalanges bend so effortlessly has you in a trance. How he makes a teacup look so small in his grasp. How the veins in the back of his hands bulge when he flexes a hand in his hair, usually when something has frustrated him to the point of anger.  

When he notices you watching, though, that fiery temper of his never fails to cool.  

He knows how much you desire him. He sees it, he’s been waiting for you to make a move, seeing how far he can go in pushing you with little instances of tease. He always finds some way to lightly touch you, whether emphasising a point, sweeping a stray few strands of hair behind your ear, or brushing fallen eyelashes from your cheek, he finds a way.  

You want his hands on you in much finer detail, though. It’s only because he’s your boss and you’re scared to lose your job that you haven’t acted upon it, just in case you’re wrong. It makes you tingle to the tips of your ears, imagining giving him the come on only for him to stare at you incredulously and state that you are mistaken over his intentions.  

Leaving your daydream behind, you turn your attention back to the typewriter ahead of you, the chaos of the bookmaker's offices soon beginning to swirl as the races kick off at various locations around the country. By the end of the day, the final race leaving the men cleared from the space to go and either celebrate or commiserate their wins or losses at the local boozer, you are still at your typewriter, John across the space at his desk, scribbling in the ledger.  

You see him exit his seat without a word, leaving the room, your fingers tapping the final letters upon the page you need his signature upon, pulling it from the typewriter and gently shaking it to dry the ink. Placing it down, you see an arm reach over your shoulder, a whiskey placed upon your desk.  

“Worked hard today, you did,” he speaks, nodding to the glass as you turn to look up at him. “I ain’t in the mood for the pub, but I am in the mood for a few drinks with my favourite.”  

He winks, and heat prickles your cheeks, busying yourself with picking up the drink and taking a big sip, attempting to bolster your confidence a little. It’s what you want, but oh! How the man makes you nervous!  

He’s too gorgeous for his own bloody good.  

“Well, since your other favourite was disappointing today, I can scarcely blame you.”  

He grins, chuckling into his glass. “Yeah, you’re much less trouble��than a thoroughbred with the desire to throw his fucking jockey.” He shakes his head, sinking the rest of his drink. “Bloody animal.” He reaches for the bottle he brought with him, refilling his glass, topping yours off too. “You’re still trouble, though.”  

Your face mirrors the confusion his statement makes you feel. “I am?” 

“Oh ar, love. Definitely.”  

Your heart hammers with nervous excitement, taking a long sip of the whiskey before replying. “Why is that?”   

“Because short of diving on you, I dunno what the fuck else I’m meant to do to show you how much I want to take you to bed. If we even got that far. Believe me, I want you so badly, I’d settle for tearing off all your clothes and bouncing you on my cock while sitting in a chair down here.”  

Oh god. There they are, his intentions, delivered with every ounce of cocky confidence you should have known would leak out eventually after his tentative flirtations thus far. John Shelby can only be gentlemanly for so long, though.  

It’s time to cease the wallflower routine.  

Standing up, you don’t take your eyes off him for a long, long moment, the weight of your mutual stare enough to crack the floor below as you gesture to the seat you rose from. “I think we were the wrong way round for that to happen.”  

His mouth curls into a smirk, finishing his drink and placing the glass down, seating himself. You move to him, excitement whizzing through your tummy, gathering the soft material of your summer dress and beginning to hitch it up, John’s hands reaching for you, running up your bare legs as you manoeuvre astride him, sitting upon his thighs.  

The feeling of his hands, hands you have fantasised about for so long finally running over your skin, gripping your hips as he pulls you closer to him causes little darts of warmth to flicker through you, the heat of his hardening cock right against your apex making you tingle with want. His lips press kisses across your chest, hands moving to cup your breasts, tongue running over the half-moon of each soft orb escaping the top of your dress, his soft groan hungry, fingers moving to lower the zip.  

The fabric pools in his grasp as the dress falls from your shoulders, his lips placing ascending kisses to your neck before your mouths finally meet, an exchange of filthy, blazing, hungry need, your heart somersaulting in your chest. His mouth is so ravenous upon you, it knocks you sideways, the urgency of his desire for you, hands clasping at your back, removing your bra will easy skill, like he’s done it a hundred times before.  

He probably has.  

You feel in nothing short of a hundred percent capable, knowledgeable hands, his mouth moving to suck upon your nipple, your head tipping back as you grind yourself against his hard cock, his teeth prickling in bite upon the pebbled bud in response to that. “Fuck, these are some fucking beautiful tits.” His breath flutters hot against you, summer breezing through a spring chill, warming you to your bones, his tongue running slowly from between your breasts and back to your mouth.  

Unbuttoning his waistcoat, your hands slide beneath his braces, levering them from his shoulders, unknotting his tie and unbuttoning his crisp, white shirt, thirsting to feel the skin that lies beneath pressing against yours. His shirt flutters to the floor, his arms tightening around them as your touch tours lithe muscles encased in pale, golden freckled flesh. His hand trails down your body, reaching the cotton of your undies, the fabric dampened by your want for him.  

Pushing you back, he moves you to your feet, pupils blown with lust, gripping those soaking undies and tugging them down. Shuffling the chair forward, he lifts your leg over his shoulder, scattering kisses up your inner thigh, the anticipation making you pant, a soft gasp fluttering over your lips as his mouth meets your folds.  

A hot lick rolls through the wet of you, the light fleck of stubble adding in delicious contrast, his tongue seeking your clit and circling, flickering, evoking your wails, your hands going to his hair, nails flexing against the shaven sides of his head as you mewl in delight. Each lick has your blood running hot, sends glimmers through you, little shocks of pleasure tingling your entire core as your cries rend the air.  

He has you panting hard, each skim of his tongue over your tiny, potent little bundle making your hips rock against his mouth, his arms wound around you, one gripped to your waist, the other squeezing upon the rounded orb of your bum. His full lips close in suck around you, your legs shaking, the heat of it snapping over your bones, the pleasure biting and full-bodied, a bright burn of warmth making the coil within you tighten sharply.  

Flattening his tongue against you, he lets you get off on the wide drag of it, the tip caressing your dewy opening as your clit throbs against the press, his hand moving to begin undoing his trousers.  

“I could fucking eat your beautiful little cunt forever, darlin’, but god, I need you on my cock.” You’re so aroused, you can barely form thought as he pulls it out, and it’s thick and perfect, running it through the slick petals of your sex as you sit back astride him before feeding it into your gaping little hole, filling you with a rumbling grunt.  

White hot pleasure sizzles up your spine, ascending like a flurry of champagne bubbles, the taste of yourself upon his sensuous mouth more erotic than you could have ever imagined, moaning against his tongue as your rock back and forth upon him. The sensations of your walls being split so wide around him has bolts of pure bliss skittering through you, your tender little clit grinding against him as his hips buck up against you, pushing you back to devour your breasts with kisses, nibbles and licks.  

The way his hands tour you, stroking ever rise and curve of your body, it has you just as mindless as the delicious drag of his cock over every sweet spot within you, scraping sparks through your walls, his groans deep and rich as he paws at you with unrelenting hunger. The heat of it roars like a forest fire, the embers sizzling over your nerves as your mutual moans fill the space, bliss tumbling through you both. It’s fervid and delicious, scorching and unrelenting, everything you knew sex with John would be now playing out in an illumination of utter sin.  

His eyes are a bonfire of blue fire as he stares at you, fingers tangling in your hair, kissing you again with urgent need as his cock sends glimmers fizzing through you. It becomes even more uncontained, the power of him beneath you incredible, hands tightening upon your shoulders as he forces you down upon the rigidity of him, making you to take the brunt of every hard snap of his hips, hitting you so deep, you’re sent reeling and mindless atop him as your thighs tremble.  

Your cries reach crescendo as the stars surge forth, entire nebulas glittering into decadent light, your walls fluttering around him, dragging his release from his sweaty body, cock spilling hot into you. You’re both rendered an entwined, panting mess in the wake of it, kissing softly, hands still roaming, John beginning to chuckle.  

“Yeah,” he breathes, nuzzling your nose, “definitely the least troublesome favourite of the day.”  

You beam, your chest still heaving hard. “Want to take me upstairs and see if I can change that?” Your tongue teases the outer shell of his ear, gently nibbling the soft lobe. “I promise not to buck the jockey off.”  

He laughs loudly, locking his arms around you and carrying you to the stairs, his hand smacking against your bum a few times causing your shrieking laughter. “I suppose it’d be fun if you tried to, love.”  

[rubberbutton]

So, I have this wacky Javert & Cosette detective agency AU idea that I’ll probably never write…

Post-Seine Javert starts a private detective agency — reuniting loved ones, shutting down extortion rackets, stopping forced marriages, things like that. He doesn’t make any money because he fails to collect payment on the rare occasion he’s not working pro bono. [Very Angel Investigations, sans vampires … unless?] The work is both penance and its own reward.

Bored of social calls and society dinners, Cosette decides to help him in his work. Javert refuses her, but she keeps showing up. She proves herself useful, as no one ever suspects her of being a double agent, she’s clever, and she can cry on command — which is an incredibly effective distraction. Since Paris’s underworld is already familiar with him from his previous profession, Javert has had difficulty making progress on some of his cases. But Cosette is entirely unknown. Grudgingly, he allows her to help on his smallest, safest, most respectable cases. Which rapidly escalates into her running the place. He’s really not an ideas man.

There are capers! Escapades! Daring rescues! A heart-warming Christmas episode!

Valjean and Marius are given to believe that Cosette’s time is spent volunteering with ladies aid societies. When the truth comes out, Valjean is apoplectic, and it’s the first real risk to his relationship with Javert (well, post Seine, haha), especially when Javert makes it Cosette’s choice whether to continue. Marius’s anger burns out much quicker; that boy is nothing if not easily led.

Meanwhile, Montparnasse has filled the leadership vacuum left by Thénardier and has made great inroads in the Parisian organized crime scene. With Javert foiling many of his more lucrative business interests, Montparnasse decides it’s time to deal with with him more permanently...

Other odds and ends for this ‘verse:

Javert accidentally adopts some urchins when he attempts to cultivate them as informants, but they keep showing up like stray cats when they realize he’ll feed them. 

Having heard it in her tenderest years, Cosette quickly picks up the accent and argot of the street and becomes a mistress of disguise.

She also purchases an umbrella with a stiletto hidden in the handle, which she mostly uses to underline her better rhetorical flourishes.

Whilst Javert is not an easy man to like, Cosette appreciates his honesty. Granted, that honesty is couched in the most pessimistic, condescending and insulting way imaginable. But after her father and her husband gaslighting her for years, it’s a relief to not second guess the information someone gives her. 

They both appreciate having someone to commiserate about Jean Valjean’s idiosyncrasies with. “You know the way he clears his throat when he disapproves, but won’t say he disapproves — and if you ask him if he disapproves, he’ll deny it?” “I know it very well!” 

After Jean Valjean is finished being furious, he moves right on into being jealous. He wanted them to get along, but not quite this well. He of course would rather eat glass than admit it. 

Also, as many of les amis survive as I can reasonably get away with. Definitely Courfeyrac, because I like him. Probably Bahorel, in case they need some additional muscle when working a case. And Joly because they’d need someone with a medical background to identify the cause of death/provide medical aid. Also no one should die with a cold, talk about insult to injury. 

Anyhoo. Everybody lives happily ever after with a gentle ’90s TV glow. Fuck you, Victor-Marie Hugo.

[shallowseeker]

Dean is a lot of things, but super transparent and open isn't one of them. You're contributing to a trendy rewrite of Dean and influencing fandom in ways that just don't reflect what we see on screen.

I get where you’re coming from—Dean isn’t always the most emotionally transparent guy on the surface, and his wariness is definitely a big part of his character. That said, I personally think Dean’s performance of toughness/gruffness pulls the wool over some viewers’ eyes. Dean’s time in Hell, in particular, made him more protective of his vulnerabilities, adding to the tougher exterior he develops over time. It’s not that I don’t think Dean isn't guarded; he absolutely is. But I think he’s far more open than some parts of fandom paint him, and even more open than he sometimes portrays himself. Dean chooses to be selective about who he shows his vulnerabilities to, which is a consistent part of his character.

It's also important to acknowledge those times he’s been open only to get shut down (ahem, especially in Season 7, by Sam, Bobby, and Eliot Ness). I think his close family members are terrified that his grief will lead to his death during a hunt, so they balk at it, encouraging him to lock his emotions down tight.

///

Of note, I think Mary struggles with a similar issue. She says, “I know I can be cold,” yet she’s often incredibly honest about her actual emotions. In fact, Mary is one of the first characters to answer honestly when people ask if she’s okay: “No.” (Dean will in fact mirror her example in 13x06). I even think her “I love you” during her would-be death scene with Billie in 12x09 inspires moments like Cas’s “I love you—I love all of you” during the fight with Ramiel in 12x12.

Like Dean, Mary downplays her own emotional intelligence and her own keenness to both read and reach out to others. All in all, I think these two are far more emotionally generous and intuitive than they give themselves credit for, even if they struggle to acknowledge or articulate it when they get too overwhelmed.

As for what we see on screen... For the record, I like to think that I do a decent job of referencing specific moments in the script or episode when I talk about Dean's emotions or openness. Even if you don't interpret things as I do, I hope you can see my perspective.

/// Just as a point of contrast, I don’t think Sam is as emotionally intuitive as he’s often credited to be, and I think sometimes even Dean gives Sam too much credit. We see this particularly in Don’t You Forget About Me, where Dean instinctively builds rapport with Jody, empathizing with her and even pitching in to help with the dishes as they commiserate over their girls’ behavioral problems. Interestingly, this rears its head again in Ladies Drink Free, with Sam's intellectualizing of emotions being a point of contention.

Dean’s ability to both read people and connect emotionally often goes underappreciated, even by himself.

///

Bonus: I actually think Cas is also far more emotionally intuitive than he gives himself credit for, even with the billions of years of suppress-or-die under his belt. Cas often deploys a distinctly reciprocal style of communication, revealing a personal failing or emotion to encourage others to open up about their own failings. We see it with the original "I'm not a hammer / I have doubts" scene with Dean, we see it in a big way with Jack in Tombstone, and interestingly, we even see it with the news anchor here.

[girlcrushart]

It's Father's Day, and this post is for my Dad. It's Honestly very confusing that this is my first ever Morena Baccarin poster, and he would be disappointed to know that. Perhaps it's time I told my Dad about my tumblrs so he can give me advice lol. He'd honestly love them. And I'd be cool with it, honestly, except for the erotica on katrotica. That would be awkward. But the commiserating about hot girls has been a thing my Dad and I have done since I first discovered hot girls. I've been a huge Morena fan even since Firefly, a show my Dad and I watched together. It was shortly after I'd come out to my parents, and he was like, oh I have a show you should watch. You see, Morena plays an intergalactic prostitute, in a world where prostitution is basically regarded in with the highest honour. She's basically presented as the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, which is a really high bar honestly and would require a very careful casting selection to be able to sell that point. But they nailed it. She's completely believable as the most beautiful woman in the universe. I love Firefly, for all kinds of reasons, and Morena Baccarin is most definitely one of them, so it's about time she was finally make into a girlcrush art guardian!

[dekariosclan]

I've got a hopefully interesting Gale ask! While we all know how our dear wizard fumbled his way into a deep, loving (romantically or platonically) relationship with Tav, we don't see much about how he bonded individually with the other tadfools. He obviously considers them all his true friends (even Minthara), but what was the unique connection he built with each one beyond saving the world together? Like I could see Gale and Wyll becoming fast friends based in mutual respect and a shared love of storytelling, for example, but what about Astarion? Or Shadowheart? What do you think it was that made them curious enough about each other to let down their guards and allow a connection to form in the first place?

Something in me says it takes more than forced proximity, a shared goal, and passive sentiments for Mr. "My Social Circle Is More Of A Dot" Dekarios to call someone a friend.

This is definitely an interesting ask! 💖 Thank you!

I confess that while I did try to make these somewhat accurate and base them around the in-game banter I recall seeing, I mostly went with my gut instinct…hopefully I did everyone justice: Wyll - Romance books. Wyll tends to prefer the trashier ones, Gale tends to prefer classy (think cheap generic paperback bodice-rippers vs Pride & Prejudice) yet they both end up loving the other’s recommendations: “Gale, that book was marvelous! It brought a tear to my eye, truly!” “Wyll, I confess the title you lent me was not one I would normally have taken an interest in, and yet, I found it most…stimulating. Do you have…others in a similar vein that you can recommend?”

Karlach - Favorite ales & favorite taverns, along with more than a few swapped tales of drunken mischief (either being committed by them in their younger days OR witnessed while at a tavern). They both know several popular tavern shanties and on one occasion perform a duet in camp.

Astarion - Colognes/perfumes. The fact that Astarion wears a pleasing scent of bergamot, rosemary, and aged brandy to successfully hide the unpleasant scent of—well, death—would intrigue Gale, especially when Shadowheart mentions that Gale himself tends to smell ‘like a wealthy dowager.’ A wealthy what? He most certainly does not—how ridiculous—still, he would greatly appreciate any recommendations Astarion might have on how to correct that??

Lae’zel - Githyanki culture. Language. Literature…especially porn Studies on Erotic Pleasures in the Astral Plane.

Minsc - Any/all tales of Gale’s wizardly shenanigans and troublemaking. The ones involving fires or explosions are Minsc’s favorites. Boo’s as well.

Shadowheart - Commiserating over the pitfalls of worshipping and serving a Goddess who only sees you as a tool to be used. They have a lot to talk about.

Halsin - Nature spells and animal shapeshifting. A fascinating topic to Gale. Especially regarding…potential applications in the bedroom. That is, if Halsin might have particular knowledge on that subject?

Jaheira - Tales about the Harpers. The more outlandish and the less likely to be found in the history books, the better.

Finally, Minthara.

Minthara is 1000% a cat in Drow form. One who knows she is superior to every other companion, and who will bite (verbally) anyone who tries too hard to befriend her. Every discussion Gale attempts with her is a landmine that usually ends in some sort of devastating roast of Gale and/or wizards in general.

…but Gale is a cat lover, and he’s SURE that if he’s patient just a bit longer—