#i bought it second hand for 70$ as a birthday gift to myself last year

[cryptickludovick]

Ayo have i ever shown yall my favourite piece of clothing that I own ever

It's a little bear family 🐻

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

Life Gains it’s Magic 

Summary: It’s hard not to have a major crush on the angel that is Steve Rogers, and just because none of your friends can blame you for it, doesn’t mean they can’t tease you about it. 

Word Count: 3249

Authors note: my lil summary doesn’t do this fic justice! honestly this one is gonna pull at your heart strings and make you feel like all the avengers just want the freakin best for you!!

For my more “spicy” fics click:  here

p.s masterlist under construction

***if you reblog/comment on my fics there’s now a 110% chance you’ve made my heart flutter*** 

    Steve picked his head up at the sound of footsteps, his expression softening as he realized who the sound belonged to. His eyes quickly scanned up and down your body, although he wished he could admire you for longer, and he found himself mirroring that infamous smile of yours.

“Hey (y/n)”, it was short and sweet but all he could manage. It was wild, but being around you had this affect on him. To put things simply, he was sure he embodied the look of a love sick pup.

You sat down across from him at the kitchen table. He watched as you tilted your head to the side, and he wished so badly to know what you were thinking. You placed your phone down onto the table face down, silently telling him that he had your full attention.

Of course he picked up on it, and it made his smile grow. You propped your head up by placing your hand below your chin, “I thought you were supposed to be training the new recruits?”.

It wasn’t that you wanted Steve to leave, if anything you wanted him to stay forever, you were just curious as to why he was wearing navy blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt instead of his suit.

Steve placed down his paper, a more obvious sign that you had his full attention. He held your gaze, “Sam told me, while really threatened me, into taking a break. Said I need to check myself before I wreck myself, but I really think he misses taking charge”.

You let out a small giggle at Steve’s impression of Sam, it was spot on. Steve felt proud of himself for making you laugh, as if it was as great of an accomplishment as the Medal of Honor.

“I have to say I’m kinda bummed that your pjs aren’t star spangled, or camo”.

It was Steve’s turn to laugh, but unbeknown to him it also had an affect on you. The way he always licked his lips before letting out hearty chuckle made your heart flutter. Sometimes you wondered how many hearts he had silently broken just by being this effortlessly sexy.

Steve took a sip of his coffee, “Oh Tony bought me my very own Captain America onesie last Christmas, but I only break it out on special occasions”. For what felt like the hundredth time since you’d walked into the kitchen and sat down, the room was once again filled with laughter.

Steve had never had conversation just flow so seamlessly before. As much as being around you could make his head dizzy and his heartbeat quicken, you were one of the easiest people to talk to.

He felt his stomach drop as you began to look at him mischievously. You had a certain glimmer in your eyes, “Well my birthday is coming up soon..”. He couldn’t help but chuckle, and blush, as he caught on.

Steve hummed in response, “I can’t exactly say that isn’t a special occasion...but-”. He watched as you leaned forward and did a version of puppy-dog eyes that rivaled Bucky's’. You clasped your hands together, “It would be like the best birthday gift ever! Come on, Bucky showed me those old pictures of you doing press in the old Cap costume, so if you can sock ole’ Adolf in the face you can def rock a onesie! For me!”.

As Steve heard you pleadingly say, for me, he felt his heart melt. God there was no way he could ever say no to that, the words leaving your lips put him in a trace. You could’ve asked for his heart itself and he would’ve said yes.

Accepting defeat he told you, “How could I say no then, doll”. He hadn’t meant to include the pet name, but the second it left his lips it had awoken something inside of him. Steve had suddenly come face to face with an intense longing he had never felt before.

He wanted you, not just in that way, he just craved your presence. About every cheesy line from each Rom Com Bucky had made him watch flooded his mind. Steve wanted to breathe your air, to bask in your warmth, to just experience the magic that was you.

It wasn’t a moth drawn to a flame, or bears drawn to honey, it was like the way a plant bends toward the sun. Steve felt as though being with you would make him grow. Even just joking around with you made him feel more confident and free, just as how sunlight nourishes a shadow-ridden plant.

The table began to vibrate as your phone started to ring. Flipping it over and reading the name you saw that it was Tony, and thus your work day had begun. However, you didn’t want to end what was just starting before you.

So you let it ring as you winked and told Steve, “Then I can’t wait, doll”. Steve had never known one word put together with one look could make his stomach have butterflies. You were so alluring without even knowing.

Finally you picked up the phone to a semi-annoyed Tony, “Alright R2D2, you can’t start talking statistics to me until there’s caffeine in my system. Let me go to Mels on third, I’ll get you a breakfast burrito, and then we can discuss the success rates of the Spider Tracer”.

Steve gave you a soft smile, knowing that within a moment or two you’d be rushing out the door and to the team’s favorite breakfast place. He held in his laughter as you began to silently mock Tony as he continued to speak on the other line.

As quickly as he could he tore off a piece of the newspaper, and scribbled something onto it. Now that you were up from the table you walked toward him and took the paper. Instantly you smiled with reading it.

Steve had written down, “just think about the onesie, and the matching Cap slippers”. In order to stop yourself from laughing you covered your mouth with your hand. Taking his pen from his hand you wrote back, “I can picture it now ;)”.

The winky face was a little daring, but so had been Steve calling you doll. Besides, it was adorable to watch a blush slowly creep upon his cheeks as he read your little note. Steve mouthed, “Good Luck” before letting you grab your jacket and start your day.

As much as he hated you leaving, this had been your best interaction yet. It was the first time that the tension between you both was tangible, to be cheesy love was in clearly the air. Steve still felt himself smiling even after you left.

Just because you were physically gone didn’t mean that you had left his mind. The Star Spangled Man with a plan felt himself re-reading the same sentence from his paper over and over again, his mind clearly fixated on you.

The sound of a cabinet closing made Steve wake from his daydreams, Bucky had entered the kitchen. Buck was rummaging through the cabinets like a wild animal, but to be fair he had just came back from his morning run.

“What, or who, were you dreaming about?”. Just like always, Bucky cut right through the bullshit. It was probably because given all their time together reading Steve had become second nature to him.

Steve averted his gaze, a clear tell, “Who says I’m dreamin about anyone?”. Bucky wanted to laugh, looks like the serum hadn’t enhanced Steve’s ability to lie convincingly. Bucky began to scramble some eggs.

“Because for the past week you’ve said a certain someone's name in your sleep, and as I passed this certain someone in the hall she asked me if I wanted my usual from Mels”.

Steve just smiled, he was caught. There was no way to lie himself out of this one. He finally turned to Bucky, “Alright Buck, you’re right”. Bucky smiled to himself, although it was nice to hear, he already knew he was right.

“What’s the problem? Gonna wait another 70 years before you get the girl?

It might’ve sounded a little harsh, but Bucky was right. Steve had spent so much time putting others before himself, Steve needed to put himself first. Also they weren’t talking about some girl, they were talking about you.

Bucky knew you were different. It was the way Steve’s eyes brightened when you entered a room, the way he always looked at you when he thought no one was watching, and the way you made Steve laugh harder than anyone else could.

What was the point of wasting time when you had someone like that in your life? People like that don’t come around often. So yeah Bucky teased, a little harshly, but it was out of love.

Steve sighed, “No...but I’m not sure how to get this one”. It wasn’t a question of whether or not Steve wanted you, we’ve already been over that, it was a question of mustering up the confidence.

Bucky grabbed a plate from the dishwasher, “The thing is Steve you know how to get her. For some reason she really likes you, punk. You can rush head first into any fight, but you’re too afraid to tell a girl, you desperately like, how you feel”.

Steve laughed, he was always the first to stand up for others but the last to do so for himself. Something finally clicked inside of him, whether it was the last bit of ice in his brain finally melting, or the sudden realization that above all; love is worth fighting for most.

Before Bucky could even put his eggs on his plate Steve was up from the table and grabbing for his coat. He threw a teasing glance Bucky’s way, “I think this is one fight I’ll finally win”.

Steve was hinting to the countless times Bucky had saved him when he’d picked off more than he could crew, and before the serum that was nearly every fight. Some friends liked to watch movies together, Bucky and Steve liked to save each other from near death experiences.

After sharing a laugh, Steve was out the door and Bucky was left with his breakfast. Bucky wished he could see it now, Steve running through the streets of New York on a mission to confess his love, maybe all the Rom Coms had gotten to them.

The ringing of the welcome bells weren’t the only reason everyone was now looking at the door, it was because the door itself had been pulled from its hinges. There stood Steve, a determined look on his face.

“I’m sorry Mel I promise I’ll fix it, and buy a coffee and donut for everyone here”.

You grinned, ah yes, chivalry at its finest. Mel just smiled, more entertained by the show that was about to begin. Besides, this was nothing compared to the time baby Groot accidentally broke an entire display chasing a fly.

As Steve’s eyes found yours, the happy cheers of the customers faded, and the rest of the room seemed to vanish. It was just you and him, and the way he felt about you and him, that remained.

With the same amount of purpose and strength he marched into battle with, he strode towards you. It had seemed as though in a sea of people you were the lighthouse, and he the ship. It had been a long and perilous voyage, but finally he was coming home.

“I really like you (y/n). I like how life seems lighter with you, I like that you always tease Tony, and how Bucky feels comfortable enough around you to tell you about his nightmares, and that you make me feel like I can be who I am”

He seemed calmer, “Not Captain America, not a soldier, just Steve Rogers”. He wondered if you could understand how important that was, that when he was with you he wasn’t some leader or icon but just rather a person.

You nearly dropped Tony’s order from your hands. This was not how you’d expected this morning to go. You’d thought that you’d have to spend the next week constantly dreaming about your earlier flirting with Steve, but here he was confessing his feelings for you.

As you looked at his face, and how sure of himself he was, all nerves faded from your body. You took a step toward him, “I like you too Steve, but I think I’d rather show you”. You placed Tony’s order on the counter, and finally did something you’d been dreaming about for months.

You kissed Steve, hard and long, and in a room full of people. But none of that mattered. Your world was standing right in front of you, kissing you back, and everything else was merely static.

Suddenly you knew how it must’ve felt when the first caveman created fire. The electricity that jolted through their fingertips as rock against rock created spark, how alurring the flames were as they grew, and the warmth of the fire itself.

Even as you pulled back from Steve you could still feel that initial spark on your lips. Slowly, and reluctantly, he let you out of his arms. It had only been one kiss but it confirmed that the ice that plagued Steve was finally melting.

You could see him beginning to blush, so you wanted to lighten the mood. Distracting him from the fact that you both had just got it on in a room full of people you teased, “So since I like Steve Rogers, does that mean I don’t get to see Steve Rogers in a certain Captain America onesie?”.

He grinned, “I’ll be wearing a Steve Rogers onsie under the Captain America one, so if you’re lucky-”. Steve stopped his sentence when he realized how forward he was being. He might as well have just asked to reenact the dirty dream he’d had about you last week.

Luckily enough for him, he was saved by the bell, or well he was saved by Tony on the other line. During the kiss you accidentally pressed speaker mode and Tony was not going to waste an opportunity to shine.

“If she’s lucky she’ll see you in your birthday suit? That’s more 50 shades of grey than 50 shades of freedom there Cap”.

The both of you began to laugh, Tony’s comment cutting at the sexual tension between you both. You grinned, “He’s just cranky because he hasn’t had his morning coffee”. You obviously couldn’t see it, but you knew Tony was rolling his eyes on the other line.

“I’m cranky because my assistant and bestfriend have decided to reenact The Notebook while getting my breakfast”.

Tony wasn’t angry in the slightest, he just took pleasure in making Steve all riled up. You took the phone off speaker, “And we’ll use your office to reenact 50 Shades of Grey if you keep it up Stark”.

Steve blushed at the thought, but only because he the idea of it excited him. He didn’t know what Tony said from the other line, but it was passive enough to let you finally hang up the phone.

He pushed back his hair, “Well I should probably fix Mel’s door, and then maybe we could grab lunch on your break?”. It was adorable to see him go from confident and determined to unsure and shy.

You pulled him in for one last kiss, “Not until we make Tony really pissed off first”. Steve laughed, and then felt his brain shut off as your lips were on his. It was like you could magically make every nerve in his body relax.

As the kiss intensified, you knew that as much as you didn’t want to, you needed to stop before a room full of strangers watched you have at it. Steve seemed more sure of himself after the kiss.

He smirked, “Tell Tony I say hi, and that I’m sorry his burritos cold but that he deserved it”. You started to smirk yourself, Steve was becoming more playful by the second. Fighting against his gravitational pull, you walked away from Steve and back out toward the Tower.

Bucky smirked as he heard the familiar sound of heels, instantly he knew it was you. He listened as you hung up your coat, made your way into the kitchen, and opened the microwave.

Smugly he asked, “Why is Tony’s food cold doll?”. Bucky knew exactly why the burrito cold, he could picture it in his head, he just wanted to hear you say it. There was a pause as you wondered what to say.

After rolling your eyes you just turned around to face the smug assassin. There he was, munching on a bowl of cereal with a shit eating grin. You could tell from the look across his face that he already knew the answer to his own question.

Once Bucky knew you knew that he knew, the room was filled with laughter. After taking the last bite of his cereal he walked toward you. Bucky placed the now empty bowl into the sink, leaned toward you and kissed your cheek.

“You two deserve to finally be happy”.

There was another moment of silence as you both processed the emotion behind his words. He had said so much with saying so little. Bucky wasn’t the most talkative, but often when he did say something it was incredibly moving.

He had been through so much, processed so much pain, and had incredible wisdom to show for it. Bucky might’ve looked rough and tough, but he was one of the most empathetic and understanding people you knew.

You couldn’t help but smile in response, “Thank you James”. Although you could’ve spent twenty minutes telling him how much he meant to not only you, but also Steve, you instead decided to let the moment speak for itself.

Sometimes it’s better to just look at someone, to see and feel the emotion radiating off of them, and not ruin it with words. Those moments stay with you the most, when you feel so connected to someone that you don’t have to physically speak to know what they’re thinking.

Bucky nodded his head, “Steve’s happy, Tony’s mildly irritated, I should be thanking you”. Once again the room was filled with laughter, and it felt wonderful. It reminded you of how good things were right now.

When you’re forced to constantly go, go, go, it’s hard to realize how good life is. You’re so busy thinking about the next task that you don’t even register the small things.

The stuff like being able to piss off your best friend instead of the other way around, or having people who truly wish the best for you, and having a man who means the world to you tell you that your his world.

Life can be unpredictable, fast, and difficult, but it can also be magical. There will always be moments that shake you to your core, or make you feel like some greater power is laughing at you, but there is also an undeniable beauty about life.

One morning you can wake up dreading the day you’re about to have, to only have it be the best day of your life. When you listen to that little voice in your heart, that one that whispers your deepest dreams and desires, life gains it’s magic.

if you enjoyed this fic please leave a comment! Or reblog! It lets me know that I should keep doing what I’m doing! Thanks for reading!!

[pleaserelaxslowly]

Quarantined!

A 30 day song challenge from instagram that I decided to do. I didn’t post it though. As always, my playlists are for myself or for others as gifts. It’s not like I have anything else to do as I’m currently self-isolating due to COVID-19 trying to stay healthy and not carry anything if I’m infected but asymptomatic.

Day one A song you like with a color in the title: “Crystalline Green” by Goldfrapp A good start for a playlist

Day two A song you like with a number in the title: “700 Mile Situation” by Res A sadly underplayed song in my library

Day three A song that reminds you of summertime: “Resonance” by HOME Simpsonwave driving in the car in a summer sunset

Day four A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget: “Back That Ass Up” by Juvenile Mirna

Day five A song that needs to be played loud: “Horror Head” by Curve Driving in my car, volume all the way up to hear all the background and effects mixed low in the track

Day six A song that makes you want to dance: “Oranges” by Mark E Downloaded it and loved it. Boy Friend posted it on Facebook and captioned it “It’s the 90s!” Danced on ecstasy with several others at a party at Kassandra and Fatih’s apartment after I sneaked over to Fatih’s DJ setup and played it while he was away. Came over another day to find that Kassandra had been playing it on repeat

Day seven A song to drive to: “In the City” by Chromatics Driving after 4:00 in the morning through the backstreets of Detroit

Day eight A song about drugs or alcohol: “Heroin” by The Velvet Underground I did heroin once. It made me very sick and I never did it again. My very good friend at the time, Megan Cole (and another friend Melissa Nazarek), got addicted to it (and crack), and after leaving a crack pipe in my house, I was forbidden from seeing her again. After that we lost touch. I often wonder what happened to them, if they’re alive, where they may be now. Last time I saw, Megan had children and was married, living in the same city, working at a pizza parlor

Day nine A song that makes you happy: “Adult Oriented Cha-Cha” by Pizzicato Five Japanese cha-cha from the 90s. So strange. It makes me smile

Day ten A song that makes you sad: “The Spangle Maker” by Cocteau Twins The laying in a bathtub suicidal thoughts harrowing song. I wonder what they were thinking when they wrote this. I can only imagine

Day eleven A song you never get tired of: “Black Milk” by Massive Attack I’ve been playing this track since it came out. The first playlist that remains containing this track is the old “Karma Therapy” playlist from about 2000. The last time was when we took LSD on Büyükada in İstanbul (me, Fatih, Kassandra, Ubeyd, Mark and Annes) and Matt came along with a speaker and played our “The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Part 2″ playlist with this song on it. We stopped on the way back from the woods headed to the AirBnB, and I was in a heavy head-space going through a low moment in the cycle. I sat on the curb with Faith, this song playing, and watched the stone gate across the street, each stone resembling a face twisting into a sinister expression

Day twelve A song from your preteen years “What Is Love” by En Vogue The first tape I ever bought was “Funky Divas” by En Vogue and I loved this track.

Day thirteen A song you like from the 70s: “St. Elmo’s Fire” by Eno I love Stereolab and found a great cover of theirs of this track, so I decided to check it out. No wonder they wanted to cover it

Day fourteen A song you’d love to be played at your wedding: “It Could Be Sweet” by Portishead I always imagined this song playing at the reception. I wouldn’t want the typical wedding garbage played at my wedding, more like low-key lounge-y stuff

Day fifteen A song you like that’s a cover by another artist: “Gruesome Castle” by Wild Nothing I almost chose “Sweet Jane” by Cowboy Junkies, but I love the original just as much. I opted for this one because I like it more than the original. My first summer in İstanbul with friends enjoying a full social life saw me leaving my apartment walking down the street to Kassandra’s house listening to this track

Day sixteen A song that’s a classic favorite: “Rhythm Is a Dancer” by SNAP! How sad that 90s tracks are now considered “classics”

Day seventeen A song you’d sing a duet with someone on karaoke: “The Closer I Get to You” by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway I love love love this track. In high school, my friends Kristen and Stephanie (who are black) laughed at me and said I like the music their parents listen to (i.e. 60s, 70s and 80s R&B). I don’t even care, I like anything that’s good

Day eighteen A song from the year you were born: “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle” by The Smiths February 20, 1984. Very close to my birthday

Day nineteen A song that makes you think about life: “If You’re Feeling Sinister” by Belle & Sebastian Riding on the servis to work in the morning thinking deeply about the lyrics and imagining other possible lives I could live

Day twenty A song that has many meanings to you: “Sullen Girl” by Fiona Apple Lots of sad nights alone, but also once I was told that a gay guy that I was interested in sat at Denny’s with another friend and they drunkenly sang this song together. I bought this album one summer staying at my grandfather’s house for vacation in Oklahoma. I saw the “Sleep to Dream” video on MTV and went out to buy the album and “Supa Dupa Fly” by Missy ‘Misdemeanor’ Elliott

Day twenty one A song you like with a person’s name in the title: “Steve McQueen” by M83 From one of the playlists I made of people’s names. Love how gay and dramatic this one is

Day twenty two A song that moves you forward: “Everybody Got Their Something” by Nikka Costa Great hopeful inspirational lyrics. ‘People keeping score so better hurry up and gets yours because somebody else has got your spot before you even try... Busy holding on so the roof don’t fly’ really speak to me. I saw the video for ‘Like a Feather’ and loved the sound and her voice

Day twenty three A song you think everybody should listen to: “Vista” by iamamiwhoami Chris showed me this group because it’s sad electronic music with female vocals (which he knows I love). I instantly fell in love, and think Jonna Lee could be way more popular than she is. It’s hard for foreigners to make it in the US. I shared her with my friend Holly, and Holly fell in love, and Holly’s not necessarily living for sad electronic music with female vocals in particular. It shows the power to transcend taste

Day twenty four A song by a band you wish were still together: “Bocca della verità” by Boy Friend After SLEEP ∞ OVER broke up, two of the members formed this band. In fact, I almost chose a song from SLEEP ∞ OVER, but all the best songs are after Stefanie Franciotti was alone, so technically not a band. Boy Friend publicly showed support for the LGBTQIA+ community, which I love. Sadly, they are no longer performing together. More sad electronic music with a female singer

Day twenty five A song you like by an artist no longer living: “Miss Brown to You” by Billie Holiday Such a sad life, and an even sadder demise. That’s how it was for blues and jazz singers in those days

Day twenty six A song that makes you want to fall in love: “Without Your Love” by The Venus Transmission A long time ago, I made a delicious (sadly now lost) playlist of thick atmospheric deep tracks for Valentine’s Day. This was on it, a lost jewel from the days of MySpace artists that never really got to see any serious success

Day twenty seven A song that breaks your heart: “Walk This Earth Alone” by Lauren Christy How is this different from day ten (a sad song)? Anyway, I can’t even ever really listen to this song the whole way through. I can’t get past more than a few seconds. As I write this list, I listen to each track I’m discussing as I type. For this entry, I paused the track, I just can’t listen to it. It’s from when I was a paperboy and realizing I was gay and feeling the worst, most loathsome, darkest, most hideous and violent, dangerous feelings that I never ever want to feel again

Day twenty eight A song by an artist whose voice you love: “Paradise (Remix)” by Sade It’s always a tie for me between Sade and Seal. I decided on Sade. Such a smokey delicious voice. I always say if Sade and Seal ever had a child, it would be over in the recording industry

Day twenty nine A song you remember from your childhood: “Calling All Angels” by Jane Siberry featuring k.d. lang My mom used to have a compilation CD called “In Search of Angels.” My mom loves the idea of angels and guardian angels. Her home is full of angel-related art and knickknacks. She probably bought the compilation from The Hallmark Store or some awful place like that. Either way, it reminds me of childhood. I used to steal the CD and listen to this track. It’s super adult contemporary and super soft-serve, but I like it anyway. Like I said before, if it’s good, I like it

Day thirty A song that reminds you of yourself: “Immature” by Björk This one was the hardest one. No songs really remind me of me. I don’t relate to music that way, I think. Either way, this does take me back to a time when I might have tried to get back with my ex-boyfriend Dan Lopez. Good think I didn’t, we are NOT good together

[jamiebluewind]

A Story On Life and Death and Funerals

Yall ever have the conversation with someone? The one when you admit outloud what you would want done when you die? I did. More than once to a variety of people. The reason I'm bringing it up is that I had a bit of a reminder today as to why it's important.

Today I was in therapy. This was only my second visit with her since I moved here, so we are still covering a lot of the basics. The subject got on my mamaw (southen word for grandmother). The woman who I had thought of as a mother and often introduced me as her youngest daughter or her baby. She live next door to me most of my childhood and I practically lived at her house. I loved her. So very much. The only person who liked me as I was. She put aside time every day to work on spelling and reading with me. In fact, all her hard work and patience with me is part of the reason it took so long for anyone to realize that the girl with some of the highest grades in class had dyslexia and minor dyscalcula (near perfect scores every test and assessment, but flunked pop quizes)! It turned out she had it herself, recognized it in me, and knew that getting frustrated and giving up would only make things harder when what I truly needed was to read every day. She taught me how to bake tea cakes and play with recipes. To always be kind to others, unless they gave you a reason not to and then you give um hell! To be myself (as long as it doesn't hurt you or anybody else), even if other people think it's weird. She was a white Christian woman from the deep south who played basketball with boys back in the 1930s and 1940s, got an education, built bombs during the war, was the first woman in her (very large) family to get a driver's license and own her own car, made more money than her husband (they were far from rich, but they worked hard, managed their money, and used their skills to make their lives better than people with twice as much) and would shut him down when he tried to control the house or what she did, built a picnic table in her own yard to feed the hobos (homeless people who road the trains) when she could afford it, had black friends who she would invite over to share a homecooked meal while segregation was still in full swing, made sure that their dogs always ate and were cared for, sewed simple shorts and tank tops using fabric scraps to give to neighborhood kids to play in, would skip church if someone was sick or just needed her help, ripped her brother-in-law a new one in the late 70s/early 80s when he tried to disown her nephew for coming out as gay (it didn't matter who he loved, he was still his son) and then stormed off to go comfort the boy, sang in a quartet and played piano and guitar, gardened most of her life (a huge vegetable garden with her family and a plot of various flowers, despite people calling them pointless), and on and on. A thousand things big and small that got her called weird (and worse). This woman who taught me so much through words and actions and never forgot my birthday (she made me a strawberry cake every year and when she got to old to bake she bought one and when she couldn't get out to do that, she got me a strawberry snackcake somehow) even when everybody else did... she was the best thing in my life for a long long time.

But I was "just" a grandkid. Despite all our history. Just a grandkid. Despite the fact that when she had a stroke when I was a teenager (15 or 16 I think?), I was the one who fought to keep her out of a nursing home and stayed with her 24/6 with no help for two months (caring for her, doing physical therapy with her, and crashing and sleeping the whole day somebody took over for me) and 3 to 4 days a week for months after that (she got an aid that came by a few hours in the mornings during the week to help out and two of her kids started taking one to three days a week each) until she recovered enough to live in her own home for years, dying in a retirement home 12 or 13 years later. Despite her and I having a long conversation about what we both wanted to happen after we died. Just. A. Grandkid. She got the funeral they wanted. I wasn't included in the talks or even allowed to tell them what she told to me. They didn't even let me give them her favorite socks (knee high fuzzy striped socks that made her laugh because she thought they made her look like the wicked witch) to put in her casket.

The funeral has lots of cut flowers instead a few simple ones. It lasted nearly 3 hours (Southern Baptist and the time does not count the viewing) with an introduction, a group that sang hymns at multiple intervals (including one longer set), multiple group prayers, a group hymn, two in church sermons, the church presenting a gift to the family, and a graveside sermon (no drive as the grave was beside the church) instead of something that was under an hour (because some people have bad backs, some people are old, kids get figity, and it's already hard enough on the family). They focused heavily on religion and how godly she was (even saying she put god first and family second which would have made her roll over in her grave) and gave the family a Bible with her name on it (as the family suggested despite her skipping church as much as her daugher would let her the last 3 years because it exhausted her too much). Her grandson-in-law gave the second sermon and after more talk of how religious she was and how closely she followed the Bible (the same woman that was proud of me for arguing with the preacher on bible logic when I was little, supported her gay nephew, and said it was fine for a couple who made each other happy to live together because there were more important things in life than a piece of paper), he inserted the only story told about her life which was bits and pieces about when she built the table for the homeless men (a story he heard from me) as an example of what a godly woman she was, with added embelishments, alterations, omitions, and a big part about her being called to do it by god (she did it in part because her husband was a hobo for a short time years before they met, part because nobody else would do it, and part out of pure spit for saying she couldn't). She wanted something that focused on her life and her family with a prayer and a couple songs mixed in and a few words from the preacher to comfort those left and hurting. A big potluck before or after the funeral for people to just talk and laugh and comfort each other.

But the truth is, I don't know everything she would have wanted. I don't know what might have changed in the ~5 years since we had talked about it, how well the memory aged for me, or if my memory was clouded by my own biases. I know she picked out a dress and told her daughter, but not me. I know there is probably more.

Then I started thinking about what I had said to her that night on the couch when we talked about what we would want to happen after we died. That me from just a decade ago is not the me today. Some of the things I wanted are the same. Some have changed. Some are things I would actually NOT want to happen at all! So maybe, just maybe, a version of my mamaw wanted that funeral at some point. Perhaps she told her kids years ago, before her stroke (which took the dexterity in her dominant hand and gave her a strong slur, making it hard for people to understanding her words or have the patience to wait for them). Maybe that's the real reason why it all played out like it did. But they don't know. And I don't know. And everybody has hurt feelings over it.

So, tonight I mentioned what I wanted when I died to my best friend because it was on my mind. I went about my day and my evening, but as I was getting ready for bed, I realized something. I had made the same mistake. I have people who know what past me wanted, know what current me wants, and think they know what current me would want, but none of them are exactly right or completely wrong or even know all the information. It's not all in one place and memories can fade with time.

So think about what you want to happen instead of placing it all on your grieving family and the mourner's version of a used car saleman. Open up a dialogue. And most importantly, create a living will (so family won't have to guess for end of life care) and share copies of it with your doctor and family (updating as needed such as if you move to a different state or your wishes change) and have your wishes (for what you want to happen after you die) in writing on a seperate thing from your will (which is often not located and read until most of the decisions have already been made), share copies with relevant people (or look into services that will give it to them after your death or email copies to a list of people), keep a copy in a folder with other important documents (like your living will, last will and testameny, titles, mortgage papers, and such), and make sure to check it (a reminder can help) every so often (once a year or once ever ten years, as long as you do it) to make sure nothing has changed, needs to be added, or no longer applies. An expression of funeral wishes is not legally binding (like a relative I knew that wanted one that would have left two well stocked small flower shops practically empty), but they are better than having nothing and your grieving family fighting over guesswork.

So... yeah. Don't be afraid to do it or worried about what it means or feel like it's too depressing to think about. Better you than them.

[eb-byestelle]

:3 2 5 6 9 13 14 17 22 23 24 28 29 30 34 35 37 38 40 41 43 44 47 48 50 54 55 56 57 59 60 61 63 64 67 68 70 72 73 74 76 79 80 81 82 84 87 88 90 97 98 100

Hi there !! ❤️

Oh lord……….. 😵😅 There is a lot of it! But in some way it flatters me 😂💖

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

I do. It seems to be sth unpleasant but I like that tbh. It’s a very refreshing feeling.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Ofc I’m 😂

6: do you keep plants?

Generally no. I prefer to have an ornamentation which are long-term like a paintings or various types of souvenirs. But every now and then I love to buy some roses or lilies.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Sometimes.

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

A few things for sure ^^ For example some new epizode on the channel of one of my favrite youtubers. I usually don’t care about youtubers, but there is few guys who I really like. He is one of them. Besides of reviewing and mocking of a bad movies, he started to make a program when he laughs of his inept cooking skills and in a funny way he tries to do the various dishes. It was the epizode when he tried to do some dish created by Gordon Ramsey. With his brilliant joke and a chill style of being, as usual it was great. Another thing which comes to my mind is a very tasty breakfast 😋

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

I guess it would be like in case of a lot of roommates. A separate rooms for each of us. Each one would be the own part of the fridge. The bills would be divided in half for each.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

Right now I have a color I like (dark chocolate).

22: are you a morning person?

Not exactly xD I love mornings! It’s my favorite part of the day. But at the same time I love to spend all night without sleeping xD At night we have the best ideas and the biggest inspiration ❤️ sometimes I call myself „a night animal”. But I still love mornings, this fresh air, very pleasant atmosphere. But because of my love to being „a night animals” my morning is only sometimes in the correct part of the day (like 7.00 – 8.00 am).

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Like today xD Eg. replying to messages (like right now xD), cleaning, some activities like a cycling, trips or swimming, watching a movies, finding an interesting things or creating sth like a new poem or taking a new photos to my albums.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Yes, she is ❤️ She knows more than anybody.

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise ❤️

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

Eg. when there is my birthday time and some my friend always gives me the gifts which perfectly suits to my interests and my personality ❤️ It’s the sign for me that someone knows my well and I’m important for him/her.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

I think I have… But I’m not sure when exactly. It was a long time ago…

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

You mean a mascot, right? I still have my dear bunny ❤️ Its name is Niunia (a girl name). I got it for my fourth birthday. It was one of my biggest inspiration for the next 10 years xD Thanks to this bunny I created my first tales, comics, novels, and arts. It was like an one big inspiration bomb xD

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

Yeah, I like it. I use it very often.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

Rather clean.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

It would be probably when someone is too sarcastic. Many people love sarcasms. Some are funny, when don’t laugh of somebodies in some mean way, but generally when it’s sth too personal, directed directly to me, then it’s sth very painful.

I also really don’t like when someone is a religious fanatic. I’m not an atheist and I totally respect all religiouses but some part of them are just insane… Some of them even try to say, that the homosexuality is a disease and that the contraception is a killing. Maybe we should claim that the religious fanatics is a disease xD 💀😂

Oh! And I hate this obsession with diet and exercise. It’s great to feel attractive and healthy but it started to be the one large international persecution mania 😅💀💀

40: think of a piece of jewelery you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

Ahh, ofc! I have a lot of jewelery, many of them remind me of some memories. My the most precious thing is my ring which I bought from my first scholarship (the scholarship I got in 2015, while I bought it in 2016). I wear it everyday. Later I went to the some steep hill and at the top of this hill I’ve done a kind of oath to myself that I will never make some mistakes once again, i.e. that I will always respect and love myself and I will always be faithful to myself (Sth a bit like a self-wedding xD There was even the cross xD).

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

Generally I read book quite rarely, I choose much more the watching the movies/anime, but when I think about a books like this, eg. now I’m reading some really great book. It’s called „Sophie’s World”. It’s about a teenage girl which one day came back from school and inside of her letter-box found a letter addressed to her, where it was one question „Who you are?”. Later, after she started think about who could give it to her and wonder about that question, another anonymous letters with philosophical questions began to be put into her letter-box. After a short time, after stimulating her curiosity towards philosophy, still without knowing the identity of the mysterious philosopher, the girl started a philosophy course, this time receiving a lot of long sheets full of new knowledge. More and more she began to delve into the world of philosophy, while at the same time trying to find out who is that mysterious teacher. At the same time, every now and then for some reason in various places, she found some things for the another girl she had never met. So far, I’m halfway through, history is getting more and more interesting. This is not a romance, as might be suggested by that “mysterious man” xD is a novel which is a kind of textbook of philosophy inserted into the story of the main character, written in a style that is one of the best literary styles I have ever read ❤️

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

With my music xD 🎵🎇

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

It was some time ago, on my last ride by bicycle.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

The meat from the dogs 😱😭😭👎

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

In case of this, I’ve really changed. As a kid I was scared by a storm, altitude, public appearances, spiders, darkness, although at the same time since childhood I’ve liked to challenge myself. Then there was a time when there were many strong negative experiences in my life, after which I came up with some simple thought: “Once I was afraid of a storm, but then I found out that there are more terrible things than a storm.” Now I’m afraid of only few things. I was able to go in the middle of the night through a dark forest, perform in front of a hundred people or run away from a stranger who chased me with a log in hand and even then I didn’t feel a fear. But there is still something I’m scared. It’s a bad people. I divide bad people into “culprits” and “intruders”. These first ones are people aware of their faults who have made mistakes, but they have a goodness within them that helps them to be better. Those second ones are totally evil. They are persuasive. People love them and follow them. They’re often completely unaware of the quantity of evil that is within them. Their boundless ruthlessness, combined with their eternal state of repression and alleged innocence, make them worse than the most dangerous lion.

I’m also afraid of losing humanity. I have the view that human is a creation between an animal and a device. I don’t want to get lost totally in lusts and instincts, like an animal, I don’t want to lose myself in logical cold action, like a device. It’s important to not forget about the instincts and the logical thinking, both skills are very valuable. But the extreme transition to one of these parties is bad. And very simple in a present times. While there is still humanity in the middle, specifically this what is metaphorically called “the soul” (feelings, weaknesses, sensibility). I don’t want the present world to deprive me of this.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

I guess I don’t collect any things like this.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Some my friend from studies. She has a very hard time right now…

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

It’s hard to say… But I guess it was some „skill” I had to learn, ie. more „sharp” kind of speaking and behaving, more agressive. Ofc not as a kind of speaking everyday, but it were a situation which forced me to be cruel to someone who hurt me. It was my final attempt to prove that this person very hurts me and deserves my contempt. It worked. Now this person is completely different to me. But I don’t hide that it was difficult. In a way, I had to move my scruple and find within me something what I call “wildness”.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

When someone still has inside sth from a child. Specifically, I mean a children’s sensitivity, curiosity about the world, the ability to dreaming, child’s innocence and a kind of enjoying something like a child. Imo it’s very important to cultivate everything this within us, at the same time having sth of an adult, like eg. an emotional maturity (there are ofc also children who can do it ;3). I like when someone is not afraid of being themselves. I also value a tenderness. I also like when someone gets involved in something with a passion, in some of their interest, or even in the anime episode xD

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I can to listen to this AGAIN AND AGAIN 💖🎵🎵

59: what’s your favorite myth?

I don’t have any.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I like ^^ My fave poets are Adam Mickiewicz and Jan Lechoń. From my poetry my fave poem is called „The Shine” about how to recognize the true great love and not to confuse it with sth worse, some fake. It resembles a dialogue by a man with a personified „Mrs Love/Goddess of love Venus” (there is even sth mentioned about Venus). The man falls in love with someone, but he hesitates, doesn’t know if she’s this only one. Love tells him that yes, this is the only one. Love also tells him what he should to do to not lose her and how to realize the enormity of his feelings and distinguish the “first place / podium” from the others ones.

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

I gave one day for one my friend a cup with picture of Rei from Free! in a butterfly costume. Have I received some stupid gift? Maybe that bright green headphones for music in the shape of little monkeys that looked terribly and worked even more terribly XD

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

I think that to some level I’m fussy, but not very much. I love the most to listen sth what it evokes some feelings me and emotions inside me or inspires me to sth. When it doesn’t do it, it’s not a big deal but on the first place I put a kind of music like above.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Black (We have a 2:15 am so .. xD).

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

It’s not sth what makes me feel worse. I just try to accept any weather and to be above it. But sometimes there are a moments when I feel sleepy.

68: what’s winter like where you live?

It depends. Sometimes it’s light and warm, about 0oC, sometimes we get even -20oC  O.O … The snow is every year but not during all winter.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

So far I have not.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

Some things yes. I love to create a lists concerning various things. Thanks to this some stuffs and things to do are orderly in my head. But not everything. There must be a place for being spontaneous lol xD without this we don’t live xD

73: what are some of your worst habits?

No comments XD

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Friendly, kind, tender, open-minded, full of passion and amazing ideas, funny, inteligent, positive, shy, sensitive, as much pervert as me (or more xD), with a golden heart 💖💖💖

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Yhm, Sleeping? (2:40 am while tomorrow morning I go to work xD sometimes I have to turn off my inner „night animal” xD)

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Eg. when one my friend gave me on my birthday ALL collection of „X/1999”, all 19 volumes which cost a lot of money and which are also very hard to find. I’m truly grateful for that, it’s one of my favorites manga serieses ever! In case of guys, eg. one kissed my hand only in a winter glove, claiming that he’s not worthy to do it without this. From myself (I do for myself A LOT of sweet things xD) I’ve gotten a gold statuette for happy birthday with an engraved wishes 😄🏆🥇

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

The walls of my bedroom are in a creamy color. I didn’t chose it but creemy it’s for me very neutral color so it’s alright. In my future dreamy bedroom the walls would be white or in a powder pink color.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Yeah, this is perfect xD

82: are/were you good in school?

In those subjects I liked. That was my rule xD About the rest I didn’t care.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

I guess not.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

The scientific movie “Journey to the Edge of the Universe” (2008) It’s one of the most beautiful and profound movie from this kind, I’ve ever seen ❤️❤️ „100 girls” when the main guy has absolutely brillant reflections about a women and men, everyone should to listen to him! :D And „Lucy”, about the potential of our brain. And perhaps also „The Devil’s Advocate”, it’s a food for thought.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Music for sure and a bit the painting world.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

Let my own photos and those from the Internet will tell instead of me.

Yeah… That’s Wroclaw 💖

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INFJ/ENFJ, pisces/aries , none of hogwarts houses.

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

Last week, It was very nice. I really like this kind of spending time.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

I think that none of them. I don’t want t change a past, I like the state of things which is now and love some special memories which could to not happen If I would go back 5 years. I also don’t want to jump up the 5 years which can bring something special.

*****************************************

It reminds me some trend which we were in the primary school, called “The golden thoughts” where some person created a 100 question, wrote in a notebook and later others answered her question in that notebook. It looks exactly the same ❤️

Thank you for your message! 😘

[quackspot]

imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is:  i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. .  in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

[jennasims]

I saw the Get to Know Me Tag floating around and I wanted to try it out. It’s also been a while since I’ve made my simself! I’m not always mad but I do have a quick temper thus my face up above. Under the cut is the rest of the questions.

I was not tagged but I tag anyone that wants to do it!

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits: Bookworm, Hot-headed, Foodie

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Jenna

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? most of my nicknames in life are based off of my last name sooooo....

3. BIRTHDAY? February 5

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I read a lot of books, mostly stand alones. I guess Hunger Games?

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? yes and yes

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Courtney Summers

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Alt Nation on xm radio, or my spotify

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? blue raspberry!!

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? amazing

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? &Run by Sir Sly

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I don’t think I have a favorite word! maybe zesty

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? something off the new 21P album, can’t remember the name

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Gilmore Girls, Brooklyn 99, Parks & Rec, Chef’s Table, Parts Unknown w/ Anthony Bourdain (RIP)

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I like to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race when I’m feeling terrible, I don’t have the attention span for movies.

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? mostly Sims, but I like Animal Crossing and Pokemon

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying alone

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I’m really passionate about things when I want to be

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? sometimes I can be distant to close family and friends

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I love both but my kitty is the best boy

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall, but summer in Maine is always great

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? yeah with myself thank u next

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? No responsibilities NO BILLS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Kat + Jess

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? blue

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown with blonde streaks

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? My family and my friends and my cat

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Kat

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my friends from school who I haven’t seen in ages

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? Christmas? trying to plan a trip for next year too so maybe that if it comes through!!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Coffeeeeee

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Spongebob + Rugrats

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? I don’t think I could tell any man ANYTHING right now but there are some I’ll tell a lot to.

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? a little bit!

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I hate rodents!!!

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? a little bit of both but it’s usually me behind the camera

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? reading, writing, cooking, Sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Where She Went by Gayle Forman

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? some christmas movie on netflix I already forget what it was called

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I played the flute for about two weeks in the 5th grade

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats & dogs but I also love bears

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? to stop time

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? On the couch or out in the woods with a bowl

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? nature! good music

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? lol sports. sometimes I do yoga

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? fountain sprite or Dunks coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? today! I sent my friend a gift in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? a little bit

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? impolite and closeminded people

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? [pasdfiosjfkjlasdk yeah I’ve been to a TON because I’m a concert junkie

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nah

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? A teacher/a journalist/an actress

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? maybe Hogwarts?

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? losing someone very important to me, being unable to pay my bills

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? only like, PITCH BLACK dark

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? I love singing along but I think I’m terrible

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not in HS but lots in college to smoke weed on the beach

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? the beach!!! I love love love the water

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? I like where I am now a lot

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? a kitty cat named Poe

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? a night owl, I’m up way too late for my own good

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunsets

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? yes

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? headphones 

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yes

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I like pretty much everything but rap/country

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? my mom

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? not really

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? lol my road rage is real

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? mostly real books but don’t mind electronic devices

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? History & English

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? older brother + older sister

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? coffee

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3″

75. CAN YOU COOK? yes I love to cook

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? laughing, listening to others, adventures

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? confrontation when it doesn’t involve me, emotions, stupid heads

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? even mix I’d say

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Maine

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my friend

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? on Monday lol

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? like a lot of Youtubers tbh

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? every once in a while

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? Instagram

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I love them both and they love me! sometimes my mom and I butt heads but we’re just both really headstrong lol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? British & New Zealand

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Sweden 

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 5

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? not really

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? deep ocean!! 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? sometimes

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? nope

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? ahahahaha every once in a while I guess

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? beach!!

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? control what you can // confront what you can’t // always remember how lucky you are to have yourself

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? yes with small lies

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? all the timeeee

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? depends on the day

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I try to keep one but it never works

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? depends on the circumstance

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Return it to the owner (if I can find the address & it isn’t too far) otherwise bring it to the police station

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? Yes, but not always.

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? verrrry

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes I love to fly I wish I did it more

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? just my ears

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? meh

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes “(un)lost” on my wrist

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to Maine by myself

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? nope

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? maybe someday! too early in my life to tell

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my older brother

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? god why ask

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? yes many times

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Dark blue/gray/black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? YES!!

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? yeah! I was on the Today Show when I was 10 

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? always be your own sunshine

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? i’ve got a lethal sweet tooth

[mamasgonewalkabout-blog]

There & Back Again - A Tourist’s Tale

Townsville to Tanawha in Seven Days - The Adventure Continues

Well hello there (you good looking reader you). This week’s episode consists of our jaunt back down the coast of Queensland (after our grand Magnetic Island exploits). 

I believe we left off arriving in Townsville, which proved to be (unexpectedly) chalk full of good things. Our hotel’s oceanfront location proved to be a perfect base to explore “The Strand” It’s a beautiful esplanade boasting a multitude of parks, gardens, restaurants/pubs and shops (all along the water). And, the BEST Indian Food restaurant EVER. Delish!

Townsville also happens to be home to The Reef HQ - The Great Barrier Reef Aquarium. So, of course, we had to go check that out. I admit that having the glass between us allowed me to really  appreciate critters without being scared silly!

We checked out several very cool lectures in the theatre space (it was like being on a school field trip!) and managed to snag an invite to the Turtle Hospital, where we had the sincere honour of meeting some of the patients.

I gotta tell you, it was an experience I won’t soon forget. Seeing sea turtles up close, and learning about the horrible adversities these poor little guys face... Look, nature itself is hard enough on these guys, but man... Between ingesting our plastic crap (causing them to float and slowly starve) and our boat propeller’s cracking their shells (literally breaking their spines)... I felt guilty being a human being standing next to them! It was an eye opener for me. *Incidentally, Australia is banning the use of disposable plastic bags in grocery stores as of July.  We bought a water bottle and canvas bag from the Turtle Hospital too.  Perhaps the little steps will make a difference - here’s hoping!

So, that was our one day there. It was great. Finis. Then we started the looonnnnngg journey back down South - which we broke into 2 nights. First stop, Mackay.

 I gotta say, it didn’t knock my socks off (they barely lost their elasticity really). Now, in fairness, we arrived on a Sunday. And most of these towns hearken to the days gone by (Everything is CLOSED on Sundays) so it was a bit of an eerie ghost town. We wandered around for hours, waiting for a handful of restaurants to open for dinner. This turned into a bit of a fun game as we waltzed about all alone, like we owned the place, looking for anything interesting really! Seek and ye shall find!

Seriously, take a good look at some of those street view pics. Not another soul! CUE THE TUMBLEWEED! And then you look up and there’s a bazillion cameras..... For the crazy crowds??? (I hope they got my good side. Pretty sure if I have one, they caught it! lol)

We wound up hitting up the local theatre to watch the latest Avenger’s movie. And the answer to your questions are YES and YES. Yes, going to the movies is just as stupid expensive here as at home and Yes, they have a a whack of commercials prior to the movie too. It’s an epidemic! LOL

*Highly recommend the Avengers movie, btw. Plot is holier than Swiss Cheese but it’s an exciting, comedic and visually stunning ride.

So we said good bye Mackay and hit the road <Jack>. Next stop, the mining town of Gladstone. It had a cute little downtown core - BUT most everything was CLOSED... AGAIN <sigh>. Managed to find an open restaurant, ate a nice dinner & retired to the Motel (yes, I said MOTEL) Mmm hmmm, kickin it hardcore on a Monday night. All in all, it was fine. Hey, even the cockroach I discovered on the curtain in our room was friendly enough! 

 Good bye Gladstone!

Needless to say, we were ready to hit the road bright n’ squirrely for the final leg of our highway trip - Destination: Mount Coolum for a few days (please oh please, for the love of all things Holy, let it NOT be a ghost town!)

Okay now, remember how I mentioned that this highway was this long, desolate, life sucking thing that went on forever with nothing for 100′s of kilometers? Does that sound like a good place to run out of gas to you? Hmmm? 

This is where I so regret NOT taking a picture to punctuate the whole story. But, I just couldn’t do it! I felt taking a picture, while barely containing our laughter, would have been rude. I’ll try and keep this short (promise). In a nutshell:

- I didn’t get gas when I should of. Sue me!

- The dreaded ‘yellow’ you-got-no-more-gas-soon warning sign is now alight, causing John to lean over and look at it EVERY 5 SECONDS and remind me that we really need gas, and we probably should’ve filled up ‘back there’ (ya think????)

- We ask ‘the Google’ to find the nearest gas station and followed it’s direction down a road not fit for man nor beast (this is the part in the movie where someone dies... surely!) *I should mention that the next gas station shows as approx 70 kms away!

- As John is rattling off the merits of the town we’re about to come upon “It has a race track!”, we roll onto the main street. One. Dusty. Uninhabited. Street. Where any store that may have existed 1000 years ago is now something out of a museum exhibit. 

- The Google says we have now arrived at our destination. Imagine it. There’s a dilapidated HOUSE with a sun-faded sign on the side of it that looks like it may have said “GAS” at one time.. but now all you see is a faded “AS” (you have no idea how hard it is for me not to add that extra ‘S’!)

- So we keep going (there must be more down here, right?) and come to a dead end. That was it. We look at each other, say an expletive or two and turn around. “Might have to start knocking on doors and testing out that ‘Aussie Hospitality!”. Hmm... let’s take one more pass. Maybe we missed something?

- We take another pass, and bowl me over with a feather if there is not a single antique looking gas pump (on the frickin’ SIDEWALK!) in front of that old house (I cannot make this stuff up!) I don’t know how we missed it the first time?! So we park beside it. What have we got to lose, right????

- The price on the gas pump is $1.47/litre - today’s pricing... the door to the house is OPEN. What the what now?  Could it be true?? *If this is some sort of cruel joke by the locals looking for some fun - watching tourists try and get blood from a stone, I’m gonna be PISSED!

- I pick up the nozzle, it resets... ready to rock. EUREKA! We’re saved! I proceed into the ramshackle house, to pay, and am greeted by a friendly shopkeeper who runs the ‘store’. Oh yes, there’s one 2-litre jug of milk AND a single loaf of bread in the fridge for sale. AND there’s a cafe menu - fish n’ chips are on special, dontcha know! (OMG, I can’t even imagine how long that fish has been there!!!)

- I pay and we get set to leave. John and I just keep looking at each other like we may be sharing a hallucination. “The pump is on the sidewalk” John keeps mumbling. Should we have taken a picture? YES! Sorry. You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one... it was an experience!

Full of gas (of suspect age and origin) we eventually made it to Mt. Coolum - a beautiful National Park just minutes from the beach. The AirBnB space and our hosts were AMAZING!

Our hosts were so sweet, leaving us chalkboard notes every day:

We got to settle in and enjoy the best of all worlds again. The backyard of the house WAS the National Park and we were able to literally hike the mountain from there. It was a hell of a hike (think Grouse Grind) but well worth it!

Spent some time at Coolum Beach as well and did some body boarding. It was a great place to spend John’s birthday too :)

From Coolum we also drove the nearby town of Eumundi to check out their famous Market. It was huge! Must have taken up 6 square blocks and took us hours to navigate. *How much is a parking ticket in Eumundi? Oooh, I know this one! It’s $63 AUD. Yes it is :(

We had fun (despite the ticket) and found some cool items and lots of local artwork everywhere

And also went back to Noosa Heads (which is hard to photograph well - sorry!

All in all, our three nights in Coolum were lovely. Great food, beach, people, hiking... and it was such a nice surprise to find a little gift bag, on the hood of our car, upon our departure. How nice is this?

 Then it was off to Tanawha (again). We had stayed at a beautiful rainforest B&B at the beginning of our journey (which seems like a lifetime ago!) and both John and I had been sad to leave so soon. We’d really ‘clicked’ with our hosts Liz & Steve and frankly, it’s like a 5 star resort. It’s true!. I can hear that guy from Jurassic Park saying, “We spared no expense”. So we booked an encore with them for the next 4 nights to relax and explore the Hinterlands more.  (We’ve heard the drive/scenery is to die for). Upon our arrival in Tanawha, we were greeted with MORE GIFTS!

I don’t know if I can fit those paper flowers in my suitcase :( 

So, we’re now in the rain forest enjoying our hosts and getting ready to do MORE exploring of this beautiful country. I have actually unpacked (for the 1st time this whole trip! LOL) and am planning to milk these last few days to the last drop. It sounds like a fairytale, I know. So, I’ll admit, it’s not always this amazing feeling. There have been mornings when I really didn’t want to do anything. I’m in (what I consider paradise) and I feel BLEH. It’s happened. On more than one occasion. I miss my family. My friends. My cats. But I then remind myself that I better take advantage of opportunities (actually, I say ‘Pull your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat!’) and life goes on. Ces’t la vie :)

So, we’re in the final stretch!! Hope you’re still enjoying coming along for the ride! Hope to have more to share soon. Cheers!

[casuallydeliciousphilosopher]

Tagged by @ships-sailing-in-the-night :D 

rules: answer these 85 statements (god damn, what is this a tumblr exam?!?!?) about yourself, then tag 20 peoples

I tag: @theleafpile @kanshou87 @m0urningd0ves @adastratostar and anyone else who wants to do it becasue I’ve already annoyed too many people by tagging them lol. 

last

1. drink - green tea w/ honey

2. phone call - my boyfriend

3. text message - to my beta reader is also an awesome friend <3

4. song you listened to - Never Be The Same is playing on the radio as I type this. 

5. time you cried - oh god...like two days ago I think??? I get really emotional over little shit when I’m sleep deprived.

6. dated someone twice - I’ve never broken up with someone and gotten back into a relationship with them again...but I have broken up with someone before and then went back for a one night stand because the sex was really good...so does that count??? Idk. 

7. kissed someone & regretted it - I’ve never regretted it

8. been cheated on - Sit down, it’s storytime! My first boyfriend texted me before one of our dates once and said he head the flu so he couldn’t go out. Me, being the wonderful partner I am, decided to go to the store and buy some chicken noodle soup, and ginger ale, and cold medicine and visit him. So I get to his place, nobody answers the door so I use the hide-a-key (we’d been going out for about 6 months so I knew where to find that shit). So I’m walking upstairs and I can hear people fucking, like hardcore fucking *faster, harder, choke me daddy* that kinda shit. And I just kinda pause on the staircase and think to myself OH HELL NO!!! So I rush up to his room, throw the door open, and low and behold he’s fucking some blonde bimbo and he looks over and we make eye contact and I can see the oh shit look on his face. So I screamed something like you whore fucking bastard and threw the bag of groceries I’d gotten at him and the hot soup container broke open and splashed all over him and his side hoe and the last thing I heard as I stomped back downstairs to leave was his frantic voice yelling oh god it’s on my dick! Needless to say, I never responded to his texts after that. 

9. lost someone special - too many people. But recently I lost my grandfather earlier this month on super bowl Sunday, my whole family was there when he unexpectedly died on us. And back in October of last year, I lost a close cousin in a mass shooting, and it’s really hard to heal from that because every fucking time I turn on the TV I see that another shooting has happened. So...

10. been depressed - all the time??? Like...why do you think I’m almost never sober????

11. gotten drunk & thrown up - I drink a little too much too frequently to be honest, but I’ve never thrown up because I was drunk.

fave colors

12. dark bright blue

13. candy apple red

14. fresh grass green

the last year have you…

15. made new friends - What are friends??? I’ve made new acquaintances, and I’ve made a few online friends if those count.

16. fallen out of love - Not within the last year.

17. laughed until you cried - Yes. The last time was back during Christmas when my boyfriend was doing some stupid shit while badly singing along to some weird song that screamed snow every other second.

18. found out someone was talking about you - People talk shit, I don’t bother to keep up with it. 

19. met someone who changed you - I’ve met a lot of people who changed me, but not within the last year. 

20. found out who your friends are - I have no friends???

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Haha! Does my boyfriend count??? Cuz otherwise it’s a hard no.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in irl - Almost all of them, but they’re really only acquaintances/family members. 

23. do you have any pets - my boyfriend just surprised me with a puppy this last weekend as a belated valentines day gift. She’s perfect and I love her. Say hi to Korra, she’s a husky.

24. do you want to change your name - Yes. I want to change it to a “guys” name because gender discrimination in any STEM field is a legit thing. Also I don’t really like my given name. 

25. what did you do for your last birthday - I went to Vegas and the Grand Canyon with my boyfriend (because our birthdays are only 3 days apart so we always combine them into one celebration). Gambling, drinking, debauchery in general and then a nice relaxing weekend of hiking and sightseeing. It was pretty awesome. 

26. what time did you wake up today - 6:00am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - sleeping

28. what is something you can’t wait for - the sweet embrace of death??? Idk. 

29. what are you listening to right now - a local radio station

30. have you ever talked to a person named tom - yes! Tom was the name of the first guy I ever danced with. He was super cute, also we were both named “most likely to succeed” for our senior yearbook (Lol who the fuck picked me for that???) so we talked a little bit then when we were waiting for our photoshoot. He’s super cool. He’s an engineer at Tesla now...and here I am...wtf am I doing with my life????

31. something that’s getting on your nerves - trying to potty train the new puppy. Lord give me strength!

32. most visited website - Oh sweet fucking Jesus...please don’t do this to me...You don’t want to know my search history...But, I just pulled up a new tab on my phone and my top three are (unfortunately) PornHub, AO3, and my College Login Page...I’m gonna go hide now...

33. hair color - Brunette

34. long or short hair - Medium. It’s mid-back length. Maybe that’s long??? Idk.

35. do you have a crush on someone - my boyfriend and many fictional characters.

36. what do you like about yourself - Nothing??? There’s not a whole lot to like???

37. want any piercings? - I have all the peircings I want. I want more tattoos. 

38. blood type - Why the fuck do you want to know? AB+

39. nicknames - Dez, Dezzzy.

40. relationship status - Been in a relationship for 4 years now. He’s an asshole. But he’s my asshole. 

41. zodiac - Gemini

42. pronouns - She, Her

43. fave tv shows - Lucifer, The Magicians, iZombie, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad, Westworld, Avatar, 11-22-63.

44. tattoos - I need more, right now I have an Unalome on my sternum. What is an Unalome you ask? It’s my Tumblr icon. And a Buddhist symbol that represents the path to enlightenment. Yes. I am a Buddhist. 

45. right or left handed - Right handed

46. ever had surgery - Nope. 

47. piercings - Ears and Navel

48. sport - I don’t play sports. I don’t watch sports. I do autocross...but I don’t consider that to be a sport, just a hobby.

49. vacation - My boyfriend and I bought tickets to Paris for this summer! :D

50. trainers - ??? What am I missing here??? I need context. 

more general

51. eating - Again. I need context. What? Eating? Yes. I eat. I’m destroying a Snickerdoodle as I write this, crumbs cascading down onto my grimy pitiful keyboard. 

52. drinking - Whoo boy! Don’t get me started on drinking! My liver is dead and so are my emotions! :) 

53. I’m about to watch - Nothing. Because everything is on haitus. 

54. waiting for - The inevitable release of death???

55. want - CONTEXT!!! I want these questions to have some damn context!

56. get married - I’m gonna tell you a secret, but you can’t tell anyone. My parents are crazy christian religious nuts and my boyfriends parents believe in marriage later in life. But, my boyfriend and I are actually already married on paper lol. Like, we’re both happy together and we cohobitate well and we have the same goals in life so we signed some paperwork at the courthouse to get the taxbreaks mostly lol. This is the first time I’ve aver actually told anyone the truth about that. But we both agreed that our parents dont need to know, because why the fuck is it thier business?? Anwyays, we always still refer to each other as boy/girlfriend because if we slipped up in front of them then things would get ugly lol. 

57. career - I’m in school getting my Architecture degree. 

which is better

58. hugs or kisses - Hmm...it depends. I’m not exactly a big touchy feeling person. I’m gonna go with kissess. 

59. lips or eyes - Eyes. I love me some pretty eyes. 

60. shorter or taller - I’ve been with people both shorter and taller than me, and they both have their advantages and disadvantages. Taller people can reach the top shelves of cabnites and grocery stores, but you have to lean onto your tiptoes everytime you want a kiss. Shorter people are nice because you get to card your fingers through their hair and cup their cheek/jaw, while they have can really only wrap their hands behind your neck. Hmm...idk. I have no preferance. 

61. older or younger - People or in general or like romantic partners? I like people of all ages lol. But like, romantically, I’d have to go with older. 

62. nice arms or stomach - Hmm. Arms. You see a persons arms way more often then their stomachs. 

63. hookup or relationship - I’ve done both. And it depends on the person wether or not a hookup or relationship is better. Hookups are for lust, relationships are for when you actually invest on an emotional level. 

64. troublemaker or hesitant - Hmm...I can say that troublemakers will bring drama. I like hesitant. 

have you ever

65. kissed a stranger - Aquiantances yes. But not a stranger. 

66. drank hard liquor - Why is this even a question??? I’m not even sure I can function without hard liquor anymore. 

67. lost glasses - I don’t have glasses. 

68. turned someone down - Yep. Never date someone just to spare their feelings, you’ll just hurt them more down the line. 

69. sex on the first date - I have. Sex is fun. 

70. broken someone’s heart - I try not to but I probably have. 

71. had your heart broken - Obviously. 

72. been arrested - Nope. I was always the one who did the arresting. 

73. cried when someone died - How can you not cry when you watch someone die in front of you? Like? What kind of cold boded robotic motherfucker must you be??? People who feel no emotion while watching that kind of thing scare me, run away, that’s a fucking serial killer. 

74. fallen for a friend - Yep. It can be hard not to. 

do you believe in

75. yourself - I believe in my ability to drink one bottle of tequilla a night, and my ability to hit a moving target from 300 meters. 

76. miracles - Nope.

77. love at first sight - Nope. Love is emotional, you don’t form emotional connections at first sight. Lust is the only thing you can form at first sight. 

78. Santa Claus - Nope. I’m not three. 

79. kiss on a first date - Isn’t that like the bare minimum for a first date??? I’ve never not kissed on a first date.

80. angels - Nope. 

other

81. best friend’s name - My bestfriend is my boyfriend. 

82. eye color - Blue

83. fave movie - At the moment, Wonder Woman. But the Lion King will always hold a special place in my heart. 

84. fave actor - Tom Ellis, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Pine, Chis Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Hugh Jackman.

85. fave actress - Gal Gadot, Lauren German, Lesley Ann Brandt, Amiee Garcia, Hallee Berry, Mila Kunis. 

[for-a-home-that-once-was]

I challenge you to do the even numbers! 😄

Challenge accepted :D

2: Do I have any nicknames?Yep, Miss nightmare is probably the only one, tho I know that there are few others but I can’t remember them now

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?Yep, to chill and to distract myself

6: Aliens or ghosts?Ghosts

8: Favourite radio station?RadioBob. It’s an internet radio

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great?Awesome/cool

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better?Idk, it always depends, but I do ask about music/films/books

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them?Nope

16: TV show I always recommend?Peaky blinders

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down?LoTR or The Hobbit

20: Favourite video games?Amnesia, Penumbra, Rollercoaster tycoon, Zoo tycoon, Life is strange

22: A good quality of mine?Always ready to help, to listen, to advise 

24: Cats or dogs?Both

26: Favourite season?Autumn/Winter

28: Something I miss?Concerts

30: Eye colour?Green/grey/blue mix

32: Someone I love?My grandma

34: Someone I always think about?Tobi aka my soul mate

36: My current obsession?Idk, I don’t think I have any obsession right now

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to?Yep

40: What do I think about most?Tobi, my shitty life, memories, current life, future, music, books

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?Behind it, always behind it

44: Last book I read?A collection of stories and novels of H.P. Lovecraft

46: Do I play any instruments?Nope

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow?I don’t think I have top 5

50: How do I destress?Listen to music, tumblr, read a book, watch a film, sleep

52: When do I feel most at peace?When I’m in nature

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off?Off

56: What is my song of the week?I wish by Battle beast

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody?Omg, it was like 4 years ago I think

60: Pet peeve?When people say stuff like this “you lived through shit, well, I lived through wayy more shit than you” or “my mental health is way more fucked up then yours”. 

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian?Nope

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy?Yep

66: Something I worry about?EVERYTHING!

68: Who are my best friends?I only have one best friend, he’s cool guy

70: Can I sing?I wish I could

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do?It would depend on how much money I have won, but I’d definitely treat myself with some concert tickets and other stuff I do need

74: Favourite place on the planet?I haven’t travel the world so I can’t really say.

76: Do I have any pets?Nope

78: Early bird or night owl?Night owl all the way

80: Can I drive?Nope

82: Earphones or headphones?Headphones

84: Story behind one of my scars?I don’t really have any visible or big scars. But I don’t have few small scars on my right hand, it was from smashing glass door. I had a big fight with my mother and from all that anger I smashed the glass door of my room. Stupid I know 

86: Who is my hero?I don’t think I have a hero

88: What makes me really angry?My mother

90: Favourite sporty activity?Biking

92: What was my favourite subject at school?History, theater, languages

94: What was the last thing I bought?I cool and nice hoodie

96: Can I cook?Yep

98: 3 things I love?Nature, chocolate and sleep

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends?I think I have more boy friends

102: Where was I born?In Kaunas, Lithuania

104: Where do I currently live?In Kaunas, still

106: Last time I cried?Two days ago

108: Favourite Youtuber?Jacksepticeye, Markiplier

110: Do I like selfies?Idk, I guess

112: My relationship with my parents?With dad everything’s perfect, with mother - hell

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?Bavarian Alpes

116: Can I juggle?Nope

118: Do I like space?Yep

120: Am I much of a daredevil?A bit I guess

122: Can I curl my tongue?Yep

124: Do I like clowns?Nah, but i’m not scared of them either

126: My current project?I don’t have any projects going on rn

128: Do I admit when I wrong?Yep

130: Favourite piece of advice?Take no shit, but do no harm

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?I don’t know any of them but I’m not in their fandoms, so I don’t really wanna know

134: Am I very social?Yep

136: Do I keep a journal/diary?I only keep my travel journal

138: Do I believe in second chances?Nope

140: Do I believe people are capable of change?Only if they want to change

142: Am I ticklish?Not really

144: Have I ever been on a plane?Nope

146: Have I ever been overweight?Nope

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?Kili from The Hobbit

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?To become a metalhead

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?Nope, but I used to wear glasses when I was kid/teen

154: Do I want children?Nope

156: My most embarrassing memory?Idk, can’t really remember anything really embarrassing

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?Yep

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?Black

162: What do I hate most about myself?My face and the way I look

164: Do I like adventure?YES!!!

166: Favourite animal?Wolves, horses and big cats

168: Have I ever been on TV?Yep

170: One of my favourite quotes?“Beauty always comes with dark thoughts”

172: Do I trust easily?Nope

174: Best gift I’ve ever received?Tickets to Edguy concert in Berlin, right after my 21st birthday

176: Have I ever had a night terror?Nope

178: An experience that has made me stronger?Life

180: Do I like shopping?Not really

182: What does “family” mean to me?People who will support you no matter what. 

184: How do I want to be remembered?I want to be remember like someone who lived their life differently, like someone who was different than others, crazy sometimes, but helped people and made art and just had good time

186: What is my greatest failure?Choosing to study that bullshit I studied 

188: Love or money?Love

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?To Viking age 

192: What is “home” to me?A place where I feel safe and cozy, and at ease

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?“No great loss”

196: A movie that scared me as a child?Idk, my parents didn’t let my to watch horror films when I was a kid

198: Zombies or vampires?Neither tbh

200: Dragons or wizards?Dragons

202: How do I define love?A feeling, idk,this is wayy too deep for me today,sorry

204: Have I ever had my heart broken?Yep

206: Sweet or savoury?Sweet

208: Do I collect anything?Yep, books, CDs, tickets from museums/concerts

210: What is on my bucket list?Meet my idols and celeb crushes, meet my soul mate, travel around the world, meet my tumblr mutuals etc.

212: Was I named after anyone?Nope

214: What TV character am I most like?I have no idea

216: Favourite fictional character?I have wayyyyy too many of them, but my newest one is Thomas Shelby

Sorry, if some of my answers suck, but today my brain doesn’t really work, thanks!

[strangest-sensei]

2, 4, 6, 8, etc for ur ask thing >:)

TABBY THAT IS 50 QUESTIONS.

 2.  do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

For like 2 seconds and then I can feel the skin on my face drying and flaking. ;-;

4. how do you take your coffee/tea?

I don’t. Like I will drink both if they are sweet and creamy, but it will be a struggle.

6. do you keep plants?

I thought this said pants? I keep plants until I kill them. I am the worst.

8. what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

I would like to say drawing, crocheting, and sculpting, but not really. Usuay i bottle it up and get it out during drunk yelling.

10.do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

All of the above. I spin in my sleep.

12. what's your favorite planet?

Venus, because of libra stuff.

14. if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

Uh, that would probably be @mucheak, and I would want my witchy, vintage, cute stuff to mesh in the middle with some of her spacey, nerdy, comfy vibe~

16.what's your favorite pasta dish?

Spaghetti. My own. I am super fucking picky. I hate sweet sauce ;-;

18. tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Um, Me and Tabby remember most stupid things I did. Right now since it’s late I’m thinking of “slurp”.

20. what's your favorite eye color?

Green yo.

22. are you a morning person?

If it’s 3 in the morning and i napped earlier.

24. is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Naaaah. I like being secretive about some shit, but most shit I trust to Tabby and James yo.

26. what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

My furry boots. I got some regular boots second hand as a gift and I sewed fur on, because I’m cheap.

28. sunrise or sunset?

Both. Staying up till sunrise is fantastic and sunset is pretty and signals night time.

30. think of it: have you ever been  truly scared?

Once?  kind of.

32. tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

After finishing Tony Hawk and Tabby watched the sunrise.

34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It’s a dog that I named Cody and guess who gave me that shit yo. IT WAS TABBY. Everyone is about you bro.

36. which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

Probably something emo in lyrics and peppy in tempo.

38. tell us about your pet peeves!

I hate not being taken seriously.

40. think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

I have a clear quartz necklace that I bought at the paranormal convention that I went to with tabby~

42. do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

No. I hate coffee, people, and places that aren’t a comfy house.

44. when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

...Never?

46. tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I can’t think of any? I’m to cold and tired.

48. what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

The dark. Not the same anymore yo~

50. what's an odd thing you collect?

Nothing odd really. Normal shit like rocks and rings.

52. what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I don’t have any yet homie~

54. who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Myself I think. Mirrors.

56. what are some things you find endearing in people?

If they love other peoples genuine interest in stuff. Serious love is the best yo. I support the people I love.

58. who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

Trista is wine mom and Tabby is vodka aunt~

60. do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Naaaaaah. I used to read some edgy ones as a teen though. lol

62. do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Fuck no. I either start the day with water or pop depending on what time i wake up. (My life is a mess fam)

64. what color is the sky where you are right now?

Black. (I wanted to add some soul shit and a Zak vibe but it felt weird.)

66. what would your ideal flower crown look like?

HUGE and black and SPIKEY and unicorn horn AND FEATHERS

68. what's winter like where you live?

FUCKING COLD. TODAY I OS FEELING IN MY HANDS IN LIKE 2 MINUTES.

70. have you ever used a ouija board?

No. No one I know likes that shit. I want to fuck with stuff so bad, but i would have to trust someone enough to do it with.

72. are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

No, but I make lists in my head as an anxiety thing.

74. describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

They love Tali, are cute af, and they love getting drunk and watching ghost adventures.

76. is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

YES. Sleep. I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow and fly to Canada on Friday.

78. are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I am indifferent.

80. what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

Yellow and green, because I love me some late 60′s vibes.

82. are/were you good in school?

I was until 5th when my brain imploded.

84. are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

I WANT BESTIE TATTOOS. Also, I wish I could have 3/4 tattoo sleeves.

86. do you like concept albums? which ones?

I had to look that shit up. I don’t know that I have ever listened to one.

88. are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Nooo? I  dunno. I’m not that deep. I like anime friends. Fight me.

90. talk about your one of you favorite cities.

I don’t have one. Montreal is pretty, but eh?

92. are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

No cheese, unless it’s on lasagna. In which case I would use tons of cheese.

94. who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

My middle sister. I was dd for my oldest sister. Fun times.

96. do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I almost never shut my computer down. So I never know when I have them.

98. when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

Never and no. lol

100. if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

Back. I like knowing whats going on and I hate change. Plus, do overs sound fun.

I AM SO TIRED, BUT THIS WAS GREAT FUN.

[littledonkeyburrito]

A slang term or just a regular word that means butt

1. Did the last type of shoes you wore have laces? Yeah 2. How much money did you spend yesterday? 6.27 euros. I went to the cinemas and also bought a 17c bottle of water. Because apparently the only snack I need at the cinemas in spain is a bottle of water. 3. Are you CPR certified? In australia, yes. 4. What genre is your favorite movie? Comedy, but it has to be the right type of comedy. 5. Are you messaging anybody right now? Yeah, 2 people

6. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? I have surprisingly good ID photos, so yeah. 7. What’s your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie? I don’t think I have a favourite but I do prefer to eat something that takes a long time to eat so that my hands are busy and I don’t pick pimples or whatever 8. When was the last time somebody hit on you? When I was in central america. Guys were so much more keen on me there than I’m used to. 9. Was the last person you met a male or female? Uhhhh I do not recall 10. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? Maggie 11. Do you own a map of the world? Only on my phone 12. What brand is your underwear? Probably Kmart homebrand

13. Is the light on in the room you’re in? Yep 14. Who did you last spoon with? Panama Guy.

No wait, that’s a lie. I spooned with Madrid guy a couple of days after I got home and he stayed with me for the weekend. 15. Are you currently watching TV? I don’t even own a tv. 16. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Neither 17. Do you own any clothing that has animal print? Not unless plain black counts as animal print

18. Does your family eat dinner together? Considering that my parents split up when I was 6 and also I live on a different continent to them, no. 19. Where do you work? I currently do not. 20. Are you in high school? Fuck to the No. 21. Do you have a TV in your room? I don’t have a tv in my apartment. 22. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My laptop is on charge but is on full battery.

23. What was the last video game you played? Pokemon X in spanish.

24. What did you last put on a piece of toast? My toaster doesn’t work properly but the last thing I put on a piece of bread was nutella last night

25. What did you put in your last smoothie? I have literally never made a smoothie for myself. Only ones my parents made for me growing up

26. What stores would you say you buy from the most? Mercadona - my grocery store

27. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? There are so many things on my netflix list

28. Is there a movie you’d like to see? The new kingsman

29. What’s the most recent email in your inbox? Something from my bank

30. What’s the last thing you Googled? "culo” because I was trying to find out if it’s a slang term or just a regular word that means butt.

31. What was the last thing you watched on Netflix or Hulu? The Good Place.

32. Do you follow any celebrities on Twitter? I don’t use twitter but I follow several on instagram

33. What was the last flavor of pudding or yogurt you ate? Kiwifruit yoghurt.

34. What color are your shirt and pants? Shirt is demin blue, pants are black

35. What color were the last pair of shoes you wore? Grey and black striped

36. Anything exciting coming up? Literally nothing 37. What numbers does your password on here have? How about no

38. This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? Watching netflix probs

39. Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money 40. Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? Yes I used to accidentally text my dad’s homeline all the time and wonder why he hadn’t responded 41. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. 42. What color is your garage? I do not have a garage. My building does not have a garage. 43. Have you ever played laser tag? Yeah 44. Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? Depends on what I’m dressing for. If it’s a job interview or something then I’ll sort it out the night before. 45. Do you wear earrings? Yep 46. Is your wifi protected? Yes because this is not 2007 47. What did you have for lunch today? Noodles 48. Does your phone have a cover on it? Nope, I live dangerously. 49. What colour was your swim suit this year? I have a black bikini top, and floral boardshorts 50. How many bedrooms does your house have? 1, kind of 51. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? No

52. Did you and your family go on many road trips when you were younger? To fraser Island with my dad a few times a year

53. Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? I used to but I gave them to my mum when I left aus

54. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? I had 2 dogs growing up . They were sisters and they were border collie x golden retreiver. In the past 6 years a few flatmates have had dogs or cats but they weren’t mine so I don’t think they really count.

55. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? My dad makes musical instruments but cannot play any. Mum played piano as a kid but didn’t continue with it and probably could not play anything now.

56. What’s your favorite color and what items do you own in that color? My favourite colour is purple and I own a button up in purple and also most of my undies are purple for some reason. 57. What brand or designer is your purse and/or wallet? Fossil 58. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? Maybe with my teeth? I’ve never tried 59. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? 4 light bulbs plus the light on the stove overhead, the oven , the microwave, and the flashlight on my phone.

Before (first line) and After (second line), 2 years ago; Today

60. How old is the last person you kissed? 22 35

61. What is the last movie you watched? Who the fuck can remember what movie I watched 2 years ago Thor Ragnarok

62. Are you happy? Sure Sure

63. What’s one thing that you really want to do? Move to Spain Spend several months travelling from Mexico to southern Argentina

64. Is your cell phone right by you? Yeah it would have been because I needed to respond quickly to anything from work. Yes, habit from my old job.

65. What are you wearing on your feet? How fucking good do you think my memory from 2 years ago is??? Orange, black and white socks

66. Did you ever waste too much time during the day? My job was pretty much all about wasting away the 12 hours of my shifts because there was almost never anything to do. I currently have no job so I apply for a few each day and then fuck around online for the rest of the day

67. Do you like cuddling? With people I’m romantically/sexually involved with With people I’m romantically/sexually involved with

68. Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? Depends on the weather Usually, yes

69. Where’d you get the shirt your wearing now? I don’t know what I was wearing 2 years ago It was Big W or Kmart or Target or something

70. Did you get at least eight hours of sleep last night? Depends on work, I don’t remember Yes.

71. When is your next long road trip? I don’t think I had anything planned but about 8 months later, Maggie and I road tripped around Tasmania. I have no road trips planned.

72. Ever kissed someone who’s the first name starts with an “A” or “C”? Yes and yes. Still yes and yes. A couple of new A’s but no new C’s.

Just regular questions again:

73. Do you have a common first name? Sure do

74. Do you like your middle name or your first name more? I’m used to my first name but my middle name is prettier

75. What year would/did you turn 21? 2015

76. Can you see your veins through your skin? Yeah, I’m pretty fucking pasty

77. Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? Depends where I’m living and who with. I’ve lived in both.

78. Do you like spicy chips? Yeah

79. Do you wear more pink or yellow? I hate wearing both of those colours but probably pink

80. What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? Some household items

81. Who scheduled your last doctor visit? I did

82. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Thor 3 was pretty funny. Taika Waititi did really well.

83. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Of course

84. What is the design on your shirt? No design, it’s just blue denim

85. What is the origin of your last name? Blacksmiths

86. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Ears I guess, but I don’t really care

87. What country do you live in? Spain

88. Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? I did from grade 9 onwards.

89. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? Literally none of them.

90. If you were in a band, which role would you be? Drummer. I’d love to get back into playing drums.

91. Would you ever consider prostitution as an occupation? For the money maybe, but I think I’d be pretty bad at it because I think people are awful so I’d be terrible at the conversation part of it. I have a friend that’s a high end gay escort and he lives such a luxurious life but I really just don’t think I’d be able to do it.

92. If you could relive one year of your life, which would it be? This year. It’s been fun as fuck.

93. What makes your heart beat faster? Attractive boys getting close to me

94. Are you a one night stand or serious relationship type person? I’m more of a casual fling type person. Relationships are not really my style and one night stands kinda just seem like a waste of a dude that I’m clearly attracted to.

95. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? I keep reminding my parents that if I die on holiday, I’ve died happy. It did not seem to comfort them when they were convinced I was going to get kidnapped in Colombia.

96. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Probably unprotected sex

97. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? Don’t want to /can’t.

98. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? That amazingly colourful bruise I got on my shin/ankle when I was 14

99. What place holds the most memories for you? Probably Fraser Island for my childhood.

100. Who was your first date? My first actual date was only about a year ago with that ripped guy that I dated.

101. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? I’ve been on some seriously awesome trips but the absolute best has to have been my most recent trip in central/south america.

102. What languages do you speak? English & español

103. How many ex’s do you have? Really depends on definition. Anywhere between 2 and 6

104. Do you swear? How much? More than I should because I worked with bogans for 3 years

105. Have you ever had food poisoning? Once and it was fucking awful, but actually not that bad as far as food poisoning goes.

106. Do you like snakes? Snakes are super rad

107. Do you gossip? I used to at work because there were just so many morons in that company

108. Do you like to party? I sure fuckin do

[itdisneymatter]

Day 15 - Hollywood Studios

TLDR: Longest park day yet and one of the best. Met loads of characters. Took loads of photos. Kids became Jedi’s and battled against the formidable Darth Vader. Hit the shows we missed first time around and returned to favourites. The day had a definite Star Wars thread and ended with a huge Star Wars Pyrotechnics & Light show. Amazing day and Hollywood has most certainly been done for another trip.

Hollywood Studios. Our plan of action today was to retry Jedi Academy as we missed it last time and also do all of the extra things in the park like the Star Wars shows, Character autographs, photos and Fireworks. That meant a full 09:00-22:00 day shot at the park (weather permitting). Once we got through the gates, me and the kids once again went straight to register for Jedi Academy aaaand there was NO queue! It might just turn out to be a quieter day here in the park :) The kids were booked in by Becky who was from Falkirk! Small world. We had an early afternoon return time so hopefully in before the weather starts to turn as it was forecast to.

As it was REALLY quiet we walked straight on to Star Tours (even though we had a FP for it later in the day). I was identified as the rebel spy this time - WOOT! (though with a my favourite Disney Princess is Princess Leia it was kind of a dead giveaway). Same planets as before but we had Yoda instead of BB8 this time. And I survived! :P

After that we met Olaf for a quick photo op (no Anna or Elsa though :( ) and then a quick coffee stop and on to the Star Wars Launch Bay to meet several Star Wars characters too. Now Grace brought along Furbacca today with the sole purpose of introducing him to Chewbacca. And when he met him, was he confused - LOL - but he played along brilliantly, and Grace was absolutely tickled at his reaction. In fact Furbacca was a huge hit with a lot of the cast memebers through out the day, the only problem is he doesnt shut up, he constantly RWARRRs and sings Star Wars tunes all day. We got lots of photos of just the kids and the whole family - the staff are so accomodating and even though theres a queue they dont ever rush you out the door - just sums up the whole experience of Disney to be honest. Next up was Kylo Ren, and his sounds and mannerisms were spot on. Grace didnt really know where to look and she kept Furbacca hidden behind her back just in case. Then finally on to BB8 another one of Gracie's favs. The launch bay also had a lot of props and memorabilia so its a great experience for any Star Wars enthusiast.

May the force be with you!

We then headed off for our reservation for the Jedi Academy: Trials of the Temple. A short introduction followed by them donning their robes and marching their way through the park to the temple a little way away. And Patrick, Robert & Grace were in Team Chewie! A wee story develops where some Jedi masters arrive and take the through some training with light-sabres. And they the time came when the three of them faced off against Darth Vader and some other Darth Vader-chick. It was a tough battle and all three fought bravely and pushed back the dark forces of the temple. Kylo Ren also made an appearance to conclude the story. It seemed much more immersive than last time I seen the show and the kids loved it! Lots of pics taken by both ourselves and the Disney Photographers (and all of their photos are added to your memory maker too, which is sweet).

Reach for the sky!

Toy Story Fast Pass up next, and after my defeat at the  hands of my eldest on Men In Black the other day, I felt I had to redeem myself. That being said, Patrick asked for some hints and tips on this one too, which I did give him (albeit reluctantly).   Competition was fierce, esp from the missus, but I managed to scrape by.

Gerry: 162800

Ann: 141400

Robert: 114700

Patrick: 93200

Gracie: 49900

Patrick kinda waned on the Fun Fact Of The Day today but as its kinda related I gave him a pass. Here it is...

So many people started shouting 'Andy's coming' to the Toy Story characters that it had to be stopped for safety reasons. Now when people shout it, the cast members reply 'He's in College!'

Anyway, I celebrated my win with a wee double espresso, my first this holiday surprisingly - I think Ive had my fill of cold brews for a little bit. Next, we had our first of two regular Star Wars shows: March Of The First Order. Here, Captain Phasma leads a bunch of First Order troopers through the park in precise military fashion. Pretty cool and brings in the Force Awakens lore, which they seem to lean on heavily in the park at the moment (there are now 5 new Star Wars shows and attractions from two years ago). Fun Fact from myself, Captain Phasma is played by Gwendoline Christie aka Brienne of Tarth from Game Of Thrones which will shortly be starting back (one of the few things I’m looking forward to going back home for). HYPEEEEEE! Ahem. we headed over to the Great Movie ride after the show was finished. We didn’t get on this one last week, so was looking forward to it as was Patrick (though Grace was a little more reluctant as we hadn't really done any rides other than Star Tour so far). Nice wee trip through some memorable movie scenes, which included some live action sequences by cast members and ended in a nice compilation of movies over the last 70 years or so. After which  Patrick expressed an interest in watching older, classic movies when he got back home and I had to agree.

Our next attraction was a second Star Wars show, which wasn’t due to start for a while yet so we went to browse some shops (we didn’t have time to do anything else in the time). I decided to pop back down to Tower of Terror gift shop to see if there was some further Jasmine Beckett-Griffith art (where I picked it up from originally) and bought a Rey & BB-8 print. The cashier Noelle (probably noticing my t-shirt), gave me some insider info about the artist including that she was actually from Florida and pointed me in the direction of some further Star Wars prints only available in Disney Springs. Awesome! :)

We got into a good position for the Star Wars: A Galaxy far far away show which was a compilation of Star Wars clips with appearances from some major characters (and droids) at specific intervals. We seen another appearance from Kylo, Chewie and BB-8 as well as Boba Fett, R2 and Threepio and a bunch of others.

Who’s the leader of the club that’s made for you and me?

We then went to meet Mickey and Minnie! Something you absolutely must have to do when you visit here. After about a 30 minute wait (which was longer than the others for obvious reasons), we got to meet Minnie Mouse. She gave all the kids a big hug, signed their Autograph book and posed for photos with all of us. Then it was on to Mickey, and not just any Mickey - it was Sorcerer's Apprentice Mickey - one of Patrick’s absolute favourites and he went crazy when he found out. He also welcomed them with open arms and was really attentive will also of them, to the point Robert got a little emotional about the whole thing (to be fair they had been on the go for 7 hrs with little breaks and intense heat). Amazing experience for them and that particular one really made the day.

WE ARE GROOT!

Keeping in with the order of the day, we then headed off to meet Groot & Star Lord from Guardians. We didn’t know what Groot it would be but I think we all secretly hoped it would be Baby Groot, even though it would be pretty difficult to do a meet & greet with a one foot plant. We turned the corner to the set after queuing for a little and it WAS Baby Groot! He was sitting on a console with a cable, and had a pretty convincing actor playing Star Lord alongside him. He interacted really well with the kids and even told Grace The Collector was on the look out for her Furbacca (which she had in her hand ready to meet the two). It must more that a little demanding when your having to spontaneously interact with someone as a talking character as opposed to someone who puts on a suit so kudos to this dude (and no offence intended to the other costume characters).

Fortune and Glory, Kid!

Patrick wanted to go back to see Indy again (being an avid fan), so we decided to skip dinner for yet another hour to go catch the last show of the day. We arrived early enough to get one of the first rows and when it came time for the show to start and them to look for volunteers to participate in the how the kids and Ann put up their hand for me. Unfortunately I didn't get picked - kids were gutted and ummm so was I ;) Having photographed the last show I just wanted to get a few extra pics of the golden idol/boulder sequence (due to the better vantage point) and then I got to put my camera away to watch the show properly. Unfortunately a thunderstorm was heading our way so they had to cut the last scene much to the disappointment of the kids (and especially Grace when I told her this was the last day at Hollywood Studios). Luckily the storm didn't come to anything. When exiting Indy, Patrick decided that now would be a good time to redeem his birthday present in the form of an authentic leather Indiana Jones hat and satchel. 120 bucks for both but after thinking about it since last time we were here, it was what he really wanted and the hat looked cool AF!

And then FINALLY we ate! We picked up some sandwich meals at Backlot Express, which seems to be somewhat of an unspoken favourite in years gone by and the food was really good, even if it was just burger and fries. Grace also got a awesome looking  BB-8 cup (as she was no longer able to get another Orange Bird cup). After dinner, we decided to head back to the car to drop off some baggage and merchandise we'd picked up. And then Gracie fell. At first I thought it was nothing as she didn't make a noise (usually she's quite vocal about these kind of things), but after picking her up she seems to have damaged her elbow and knee (which was bleeding)  quite bad. Headed off to first aid who patched up her knee and gave her an bandage and ice pack for her elbow. As she couldn't really put any pressure on her knee, we had to get her a wheelchair to run her about the rest of the park for the remainder of the evening. And she was absolutely amazing about it all, not crying or complaining, so much so that we bought her some pins that she was wanting for being so brave.

Fire and Light!

As night was falling, it was time for the first of the two evening shows: Movie Magic! This was a light show cast on a huge building at the back of the park. It showcased a number of movies, including Pirates and Guardians (where  we seen Baby Groot again, in a HUGE digital projection this time). It was very impressive.

Shortly after that it was the finale performance for the evening and the one we were all waiting for Star Wars: A Galactic Spectacular! An epic fireworks and light show, all centered around different aspects of Star Wars. Lot of explosions and lasers tied in with a compilation of iconic Star Wars scenes and awesome fireworks. No characters this time, but it still had impact, especially the Leia scenes. A spectacular end to one of the best days we've had yet. Just under 13 hrs and 1350 photos later, not including a whole host of Memory maker ones, and Hollywood Studios was done for another trip.

[charlottelouisepage]

Hello my beautiful people,

We have finally reached the end of January and as we all know January is a longgg month, with Christmas and New Year a distant memory and with summer feeling like it’s way into the future, I already feel so proud of myself for what I have achieved and accomplished and there’s so much more to come.

Every month I will be taking you through the products/bits and pieces that I have been using and loving within beauty, fashion and lifestyle.

A lot of my favourites this month were either Christmas presents or things that I purchased during January.

Beauty

I’m going to start off my January favourites with my top beauty picks and this first product is something that has been on my beauty wishlist for a long time now. I was sent a sample size of the Emma Hardie Moringa Cleansing Balm from feelunique.com after having made an order with them in December. I love trying out sample sizes of products before I commit to the full sized versions. I have used many cleansers during my life, but never have I used a cleansing balm and now I am starting to wonder why not? This is simply amazing. The tag line, ‘a little bit goes a long way’ applies to all of the beauty products featuring in this post, particularly this one. To use this all you need to do is take a small amount and rub between your hands, then in an upward, circular motion massage it into the skin (you can use it over your eyes and lips too), I normally do this for around 30 seconds to a minute, so that I don’t miss an inch of my skin. Take a warm face cloth and gently wipe away all of your makeup and dirt from during the day. It’s as simple as that. It smells like you have just been in a spa and leaves your skin feeling refreshed, clean and super soft. All the things that you would want from a makeup remover.

  Another product that I have been dying to try and test is Liz Earle’s Superskin Concentrate for night oil that I received for Christmas and so far has been a skin saviour this month. This oil is aromatic just like the Emma Hardie Cleansing Balm and again has that spa feeling. The thing that I love the most about this product is that it is suitable for all skin types, so no matter what problem your skin has it will work for you. For example I have oily/combination skin and for me it re-balances the skins and gives it some much needed radiance. It also plumps up more mature skin. The version that I have is in a rollerball making is easy to apply and I have no product waste.

  Next we move onto a nail product and my nails have been in need of some TLC for a long time. If you follow me on Instagram (@charlottelouisepage) or Snapchat (@clpage90) then you would have seen me going to a spa earlier in the month and getting shellac for the first time. The lady who did my nails recommended that I use the award-winning CND Solar Oil Nail and Cuticle Conditioner every day on my nails to keep them growing and healthy. I have been using this religiously since I got it and I haven’t looked back. It can be quite pricey, but as I have been saying a little bit goes a long way and know that this will last me for months to come.

  For makeup I don’t have a lot of favourites this month due to the fact that I have been wearing the same makeup products (or no makeup whatsoever) all month long. One thing that I have been reaching for on a daily basis is the Tanya Burr Cosmetics Birthday Suit Eyeshadow Palette. Seriously guys this is my go-to day-through-night palette and it fits nicely inside my handbag. My favourite shade is Toast.

Fashion

You will see a theme running through my fashion favourites as they are all gym/sports related and that’s mainly because I have jumped on the health bandwagon and joined the gym (which I am immensely proud for doing and never thought it would actually happen). I was in desperate need of some new trainers and came across my dream pair at my local Nike Outlet. Outlets are a great place to find a range of usually heavily discounted trainers. The ones I have are the Nike In Season TR5 trainers in black/grey/white combo, so they are super comfy and go with everything. They are specifically designed for training and going to the gym. They tick all of the right boxes for me and I literally haven’t taken them off since getting them. I think the RRP was around £70 and they were reduced to £30. I also had a gift card, so only ended up paying £15. My first real bargain of 2017!

  This next item is what I call a marmite item, you will either love them or hate them. Of course I love them and I found them unexpectedly whilst shopping with my sister in New Look. I was after some new joggers and from afar over on the sale rail I spotted these bad boys. They look very similar to an Adidas pair that Kim Kardashian West sported recently and I was won over. They are a more fitted pair of joggers, but they are very flattering and I fit into a size 10! Stay tuned because they might just feature in an upcoming outfit post. They aren’t available online, but I have linked some similar ones below.

Another thing I have been searching for is a new hoodie and at the same time I purchased the marmite trousers (their official name) I came across this gorgeous pink oversized hoodie. I love the oversized, boyfriend fit of this and even went up a size to make it extra warm and cosy, even though it has a fleecy lining inside. The colour is another thing that drew me to this hoodie and most of my recent purchases have been in this colour. I know this is going to be the perfect pink for spring. This colour is no longer available online (check your local store), however I have linked the bright pink option.

Lifestyle

A Christmas present to myself was the Happiness Planner (I bought mine from Anthropologie) and it has been the best purchase. If you want to get your life more organised and you love writing lists like I do then this is so worth the money. I have the 100-day one, so you don’t feel obliged to write in it everyday if you struggle to keep a diary.

Joe Wicks aka The Body Coach is somebody who has really motivated me throughout this month and his latest offering, Lean in 15 – The Sustain Plan has pushed me into joining the gym, cook more (I have already cooked several of his recipes) and generally look after myself better for a happier, healthier and leaner lifestyle. I will never get tired of reading this book and plan on buying his other two books.

A special mention has to go to my most used product this month and that’s my Nutri-Ninja 900w Personal Blender (not pictured). This was my main Christmas present and I seriously cannot stop using it. It makes everything from smoothies and juices to soups and sauces. I love experimenting with it and trying new flavour combinations. This has been the leader in me having a healthy outlook on life and getting more fruits and vegetables into my diet.

Items I have mentioned

Emma Hardie Moringa Cleansing Balm

Liz Earle Superskin Concentrate for night

CND Solar Oil Nail and Cuticle Conditioner

Tanya Burr Cosmetics Birthday Suit Palette

Nike In Season TR5 Trainers

Similar Black Slim Leg Joggers/Similar Black 3-Stripes Joggers

New Look Pink Oversized Hoodie

The 100-Day Happiness Planner

Lean in 15 The Sustain Plan by Joe Wicks The Body Coach

Nutri Ninja Personal Blender 900W

What are some of your favourite products from January?

Thank you so much for reading.

Charlotte

xoxo

January Favourites Hello my beautiful people, We have finally reached the end of January and as we all know January is a longgg month, with Christmas and New Year a distant memory and with summer feeling like it's way into the future, I already feel so proud of myself for what I have achieved and accomplished and there's so much more to come.