#i blame his troye sivan cover

[lavandulacosmos]

Just for tonight, up in the radiant dark sky, instead of the universe holding the stars close, the brightly shining stars cradle the universe in their warm light, gazing down on him and silently guarding his hopes and dreams. His never-ending love.

Happy Birthday to our universe, Park Seonghwa ✨

[chipmunkfanno1love]

Branch and Floyd brotherly duet

Branch and Floyd definitely are my favourite sibling duo out all of the sibling duos in the Trolls franchise. Their brotherly love for each other is so tender and sweet, and their moments as youngsters were particularly adorable. I can't wait to see more moments with them as adults later in the franchise. I'd love to see how their relationship has grown now that they're both adults.

One thing I would really love to see in future films and/or shorts is them singing a duet together. Not only because I think their voice actors Justin Timberlake and Troye Sivan would sound amazing together, but also because I believe it would show how tender their relationship is through music.

I could see it either as a flashback with them as youngsters and/or a duet of them as adults. Both is my preference.

Branch and Floyd brotherly duet settings:

1. Maybe we could have a scene with Floyd comforting Branch (or vise-versa) and begins to sing to him. Branch joins in and the two sing a heartfelt duet.

2. Teenage Floyd singing Baby Branch a lullaby and Baby Branch joins the song in duet. Adult Branch later starts singing it to Adult Floyd to help him sleep after his traumatic experience with Velvet and Veneer.

3. They sing a duet in dedication to their late grandma. That or they do the lead solos in a group number with their brothers.

4. They share a playful riff-off over coffee much like Branch does in Trolls Holiday (0:19 to 0:42):

One song I think would make a great cover for Branch and Floyd is the song Space Between from the Disney Channel movie Descendants 2. I personally think the lyrics really suit the characters e.g. Branch as Mal (Dove Cameron) and Floyd as Evie (Sofia Carson). The soft, bittersweet tune would also go beautifully with their actors voices. I definitely imagine Justin Timberlake and Troye Sivan singing a slow song with a sad or at least bittersweet tune to it. I can also see room for some powerful high notes.

Since this song is owned by Disney (DreamWorks' rival company), I doubt that DreamWorks will be able to do a cover version of this song 😕, but I definitely would use it as inspiration for an original song for these two cuties. 😁💕 Here's my idea below:

Space Between by Dove Cameron (Mal) and Sofia Carson (Evie):

Space Between "Male" Cover (I don't who the artists are. For all I know they could have simply made the original singers voices deeper):

I could see the song being set after Floyd learns of their grandma being eaten. I imagine that Branch tries to hide this fact from his favourite brother (under the guise that she's away at a rummy competition with her girl friends), partly because he doesn't want to upset him but more because he feels ashamed as Floyd asked him to take care of her and he feels like he failed his brother as well as their grandma. Eventually one of their other brothers (I'm thinking John Dory) accidentally let's it slip that their grandma got eaten. Floyd is heartbroken and very disappointed in Branch for lying to him as they were always open and honest with each other. Branch runs away and hides in shame.

Eventually Floyd comes to comfort Branch, much to his surprise as he thought Floyd was mad at him. Floyd says that he isn't mad at him, only disappointed that he didn't tell him the truth sooner. He's also heartbroken to learn of Grandma Rosiepuff's death and that Branch was alone for so long. He asks Branch to forgive him for leaving him, blaming himself for not being there for Branch when their grandma died. When Branch tells the story of how their grandma died he says it was his fault but Floyd reassures him it isn't his fault and it was just an accident.

The two grieve their grandma and comfort each other, leading to a sad yet soft and sweet duet between them. They are later joined by the rest of their brothers and they decide as group to have a memorial service for her (which Poppy and Viva also attend). Branch and Floyd write a song in commeration of their grandma and do the lead solos in the Brozone performance

As for Young Floyd and Baby Branch singing together I could see it happening like Instagram artist, goldietheoreo's animatic "A Million Dreams".

Maybe Young Floyd could be writing a song and Baby Branch joins him for it. I think that would be cute. 😊💕

What are your thoughts and headcanons for Branch and Floyd duet? I'd love to hear them.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Shuffle your on-repeat playlist and then list the first ten songs!*

*any playlist on any platform will do!

Thanks for the tag, @troubled-mind and @lurkingshan💜

I keep jumping from playlist to playlist on spotify so this list is probably all over the place

Troye Sivan - One Of Your Girls

I have tickets to his concert (😨please let me be able to go) later this a month so of course this is on rotation all the time.

Stray Kids - Back Door

I blame this one completely on @iguessitsjustme. They got me into them and this song among others is usually what I have on when I'm cleaning stuff in the house. Or cooking.

Ben Platt - Andrew

I adore him and this is his latest single. It could be on many a bl boy playlist. It's about falling for your straight best friend. It's beautiful.

Robbie Williams ft Olly Murs - I Wan'na Be Like You

I've been listening to this and another one of his albums a lot again recently. I really like his covers in this genre and this is one is a cover from a song in Jungle Book. It makes me happy.

Sub Urban - Cradles

This is not my thing at all usually but I heard it on a dance competition show and I got obsessed. I haven't heard in a couple of days but there are some days that it's on a loop while giffing.

BIG Naughty ft JAMIE - Joker

I love the vibe of this one. Also discovered on a competition show.

Lee Hi - BREATHE

I love her voice and I love this song. I love a good ballad in general. And actually San from Ateez does a great cover of this song. I like both but the original wins my a tiny margin.

V - FRI(END)S

Another one that I think it would definitely belong in some bl boys playlists. I'm a fan of his voice so there a song of his on most of my playlists.

John Park - Thought Of You

Well @troubled-mind I knew there was gonna be one from that playlist on here. This is the one. I love this playlist so much. Kat curated a very nice mellow playlist so go listen to it.

Emi Nishino - Someday

I have to share the video for this one because it's delightful. I did share it recently in another one of these. Anyway I hope people see the video and might recognize the singer if not for the name. It's a really cute song and although she doesn't have a lot of them I've been listening to everything I can from her.

Tagging but as usual no pressure @twig-tea @colourme-feral @guzhufuren @hyeoni-comb @sparklyeyedhimbo @mikuni14 @bengiyo @iguessitsjustme @thisonelikesaliens @williamrikers

[onlyswan]

hello jello artemis. as usual, a bit random… i was listening to angel baby by troye sivan and i thought

ooh this is something oc would sing to jungkook, they fell in love with his little things, counting / painting his tattoos, jk came out of the blue and bringing oc back to life, all the sick and twisted nights without him are all worth it because at the end of the day they found their way back to each other.

and how come i never asked you what song/s that you think would be something oc write for kookie and what song would he write for oc?

—i think work song by hozier would be what jungkook would write for oc because he’s THAT whipped for oc (can you blame him tho 😌 oc is lovable like that) that song just resonates him, the lyrics… </3 (and oh i loooove than song sm).

and i’m so excited for the new drabble!! i miss jungkook and oc so much please cure me with your drabble ❤️‍🩹 have a lovely weekend artemis ♡

-🌷

hello my tulip anonie <3 🌷

oh my gooood jungkook as the most hopeless romantic would eat this up for sure!!!! 😭 okay but the way you think of them when listening to music makes me so giddy hehe thank you for always sharing it makes my day <3

i added a lot of those in the playlist 🤭 i will continue adding to it every now and then !! something stuck in my head lately is oc dedicating moonlight by ariana grande to him for sure :( “sweet like candy, but he’s such a man” … my god. let me not run my mouth and save it for a drabble later LMAO

will never get tired of the work song agenda!!! been dying for a hozier collab or cover in bangtanland since forever 😵‍💫 SOMEONE PLEASE

ahhhh i hope it cures you somehow my beloved 😭🫶🏼 have a wonderful weekend tulip anonie !! <333

[koomiyah]

Do you think jk had a crush on iu??? That show in which jk said that iu was his ideal type...was in 2016???..he looks so shy saying her name...if not her than atleast it shows that he thought about having a gf in future like iu right??? Than how can he be gay??? And in a relationship with jimin???

Bisexuality and pansexuality exist, anon. That means humans can be attracted to both sex or just people.

Jungkook has looked up to IU multiple times. He adored her and it's not weird to me he might have had a small crush on her. I mean, who doesn't? I don't blame him 😂

Saying someone is your type doesn't exactly mean you want to date someone like them. Sometimes it's the attraction, the other time just admiration.

Let me remind you that Jungkook has been admiring Gdragon just like IU, too.

He admitted that he wanted to become a singer because of him. And the reason he joined bts in the first place? It was Namjoon who caught his eye. In both meanings of this word. Jungkook found him handsome and talented. We all saw how he reacted to the old voice memo of him admitting his little crush on Joonie.

I don't know what Jungkook's sexuality is and it's not really my place to speak of it like a fact, but if you go through every video or interview, you'll see how he acts around women. If the circumstances were different and he wasn't an idol, I would strictly suspect he's just gay.

He loves to wear genderless clothes. He listens to troye sivan who is known openly as a gay Australian artist. He even covered his song 'fools' alongside with rm, which is about the scary future of a queer boy in a homphobic world, who fell in love with his guy friend.

And used troye sivan's song "there for you" for gcf in tokyo which is about Jimin. The most saying lyrics are:

"Boy, I'm holding onto something, won't let go of you for nothing. I'm running, running just to keep my hands on you"

He's been recommending many queer songs about boys in the past.

Jungkook has been also using a phrase "I am still me" which is possibly a quote from a movie or book "Love Simon" which tells the story of a teenage boy finding out his sexuality and his own self and how to deal with his scary future.

I remember that one time when the boys were asked who is their hollywood actress crush. Everyone answered the question (Iconic jin Brad Pitt moment) except Jimin and Jungkook.

Jimin said shyly that he doesn't know and Jungkook was struggling to remember that woman's name or the movie she stared in. Let me tell you that if this man was really attracted to that 'mysterious' actress and it would be enough to call her his Hollywood crush, he would even be able to tell you the exact minute she appeared on the screen and what clothes was she wearing.

And then there is Jimin to whom Jungkook is definitely attracted. He is often checking him out or complimenting him, saying he is sexy multiple times. Maybe he is just jiminsexual, lol.

Think about it yourself and reflect on it. Have a great day anon.

[hannah-and-the-jets]

January Embers

@drarrymicrofic ‘s prompt: Bite by Troye Sivan 

---

Draco could not look away from the embers dying in the fireplace. They crackled and dimmed to a warm orange. Outside the stone cottage, the storm howled on and frost beat at the windows. The wireless played a soft jazzy tune that filled the silence with his husband in the next room. 

He drew his legs up onto the sofa and stretched slowly into his new position. His fingers and nose were freezing, but he could not get up. 

Draco thought of his mother, and how she would have loved this past holiday season. How proud she would have been. His mind wavered to thoughts of his father, but he quickly stopped that. No need to be weepy on such a terrible night. 

There was a bang and then a clatter from the next room. Draco could hear Harry swear softly, but the rest of his words turned into mindless mutters. He bit back a smile, knowing dinner was probably still a ways away. 

“I don’t know why you insist on doing this to yourself.” Harry walked into the room and threw a log into the dying fire. The embers latched on, and once again the room was filled with the dazzling warm glow. “You’re only going to complain about how cold it is, but do nothing about it.” 

Draco looked at his husband and smiled. The man had aged so gracefully, and Draco was envious of it. He blamed Harry for always cooking such wonderful meals, and how could he resist? 

Harry undid Draco from the tight position he sat in, and pushed him back against the armrest. He then rested himself between his legs and laid his head onto Draco’s chest. With the flick of his hand, a blanket soared through the air to cover them completely. 

Draco would thank Merlin, God, Salazar, or any other for allowing him this. 

“Kiss me.”

[shadowhuntertrash]

Okay so songs! I was not joking around I seriously have SO MANY, here are a FEW:

• Call it what you want- Taylor Swift (Cordelia and Matthew)

• Getaway Car (Cordelia and Matthew)

• This seems odd but bear with me. Tommie Profits covers of "I canr help falling in love with you" BUT the dark version is James and Grace and the light version is James and Cordelia

• Achilles come down (Matthew, possibly James and Cordelia to Matthew?)

• Requim (Dear evan Hansen) for Alastair

• Temporary love ben Platt for Thomas to Alastair (if he decides to come out obvs)

• Take care of yourself by masie Peter's as Alastair to Thomas

• High by five seconds of summer (cant decide of this is more Matthew or Alastair??)

• Eight by sleeping at last(Alastair)

• Taste by sleeping at last (Christopher)

• Crush culture by conan (Grace?)

• Two by sleeping at last (Cordelia)

• Life by sleeping at last (Alastair to his siblings)

• Cringe by Matt Maeson (Matthew)

• Best Friends by grandson

• Death by a thousand cuts Taylor swift (Alastair and Thomas)

• I did something bad taylor swift (Grace but like it only works if you see her as a villain not a victim??)

• New romantics (Cordelia and James)

• Dont blame me (cordelia and James)

• The 1 (bear with me okay, this is Charles to Alastair? I dont know I just cant get it out of my head)

• Daylight (Jessie and Lucie)

• Long story short (thomas and Alastair)

• Ivy (Kamala to Anna)

• Right where you left me (Eugenia)

• Mad woman (Eugenia)

• Gorgeous (Alastair to Thomas)

• The lakes (Matthew)

• Clean (Alastair)

• Enchanted (lucie and Jessie)

• Seven (Grace and Jessie)

• Gold rush (Cordelia to Matthew)

• The bones by hozier (the TID couples)

• Therefore I am Billie Eilish (The Carstairs siblings fight me I am right)

• What the hell Avril Lavigne (cordelia at the end lol)

• You love me wrong by Troye sivan (the Carstairs siblings at Elias (and maybe Sona??)

• Back to you Selena Gomez (Alastair and Thomas)

• Jokes on you Charlotte Lawrence (Grace to Tatiana)

• Lost boy ruth b (Jessie and Lucie)

• Dandelions (jessie and Lucie)

• I hate you I love you (Cordelia and James)

• Brother Kodaline (it's always Matthew and James this and that but NO this song is for Thomas and Christopher)

• Infinity Jaymes Young (Lucie and Jessie)

• Easier five seconds of summer (Grace, James and Cordelia)

��� Treat you better shawn Mendes (this is both Matthew to Cordelia and Thomas to Alastair)

• Dancing with our hands tied Taylor swift (Jessie and Lucie)

• Perfect places Lorde (all of them lol)

• Tolerate it (Alastair and Sona)

• Turning page sleeping at last (Alastair and Thomas)

• Almost Hozier (James, Grace, Cordelia)

• Heirloom by sleeping at last (Alastair to Matthew)

• Jupiter sleeping at last (Christopher)

• Mercury Sleeping at last (Matthew)

• Sun sleeping at last (Christopher)

• Lullaby sleeping at last (Alastair to Cordelia)

• Venus sleeping at last (Jessie to Lucie)

• Your are enough sleeping at last (Cordelia to Alastair)

• Heart sleeping at last (Kamala to Anna)

• Pluto sleeping at last (Kamala)

• Angel is small death and the codeine scene hozier (Grace)

• NFWMB hozier (Jessie and Lucie, jessie at the ghosts like f off mate)

• The room where it happens (Charles)

• You'll be back (Charles to Alastair)

To be clear I dont ship Matthew and Cordelia but some of thses songs just fit too well to be ignored, I also dont ship Anna and Kamala cause it was awful in this book so they dont have so many songs xxx

THIS IS EVERYTHING

(and yeah no i get the whole not really shipping kamala and anna anymore)

[killherfreakout]

tag 9 people to learn about their interests!

i was tagged by @lesbianearn and @ottelu thank u! 💘 i also saw some on my dash and love reading these

i will tag @vexedtonightmares @debickis @fireflysxx @lucasotteli @thegirlyouknow @martinskiseyes + anyone who wants to if you would like !!!

MUSIC

fav genre? indie alt ish and like bedroom pop kinda stuff

fav artist? BANKS prob <3

fav song? everybody wants to rule the world by years for fears is a classic

most listened to song lately? it’s officially leo season so ofc it’s the leo anthem: clarity by kim petras

song currently stuck in your head? bad dream baby by hippo campus

5 fav lyrics?

- what is light without a crack to let it in? — ‘come up short’ by kevin garrett

- well i thought i was eve but i guess i’m the snake — ‘welcome to eden’ by samia

- one of us will coolly hold the others hand / no metaphor for this that i could understand — ‘waiting in the shadows in the dead of night’ by little comets

- i’m not a saint so just give me the blame / i know what i want and it gets in my way / i know i’m not easy, darlin — ‘easy’ by troye sivan, kacey musgraves, mark ronson

- all the double-edged people and schemes / they make a mess then go home and get clean / you’re my best friend and we’re dancing in this world alone — ‘a world alone’ by lorde

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume | slow or fast songs | music video or lyric video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? i actually think i prefer realism but i love fantasy as well

fav writer? i don’t think i read enough to have one? :( my friend has recommended a lot of taylor jenkins reid’s works so i’m going to read them next

fav book? either the dream thieves/call down the hawk by maggie stiefvater <3

fav series? the raven cycle r we surprised !

comfort book? i’ve reread it like 5 times . so will grayson, will grayson by david levithan and john green (..i know)

fav book to read on a rainy day? i have some allen ginsberg and emily dickinson poetry books i love !

fav characters? ronan lynch, declan lynch, adam parrish, noah czerny, blue sargent (yes they’re all trc shut up)

5 fav book quotes? (all from trc and mostly ronan-centric shh)

- “No one in the church ever noticed him and it was possible God didn’t, either.”

- “‘Democracy's a farce,’ Ronan said, and Adam smirked, a private, small thing that was inherently exclusionary. An expression, in fact, that he could've very well learned from Ronan.”

- “‘You have to go after what you want,’ Kavinsky said. ‘You have to know what you want.’ Ronan said nothing. Under those parameters, it would be impossible for him. What he wanted was to know what he wanted.”

- “‘How do I know I love her? Because I can sleep after I talk to her.’”

- “Noah said to Ronan, ‘I know why you’re mad.’ Ronan sneered at him, but his pulse heaved. ‘Tell me then, prophet.’ Noah said, ‘It’s not my job to tell other people’s secrets.’”

hardcover or paperback |  buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | read at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by summaries | rereading or reading just once

MOVIES/TV

fav movie/tv genres? drama/thriller/horror and indie coming of age are the sweet spot for me

fav movie? thoroughbreds is my go to answer for this question

comfort movie? frances ha & miss stevens

movie you watch every year? ferris bueller’s day off & rise of the guardians

fav tv show? as of rn it’s prob succession, dare me, lucifer, genera+ion

comfort show? the oc and skam s1/skam france s3

most rewatched show? new girl or teen wolf honestly

5 fav (tv) characters? lucifer morningstar, riley luo, beth cassidy, stiles stilinski, seth cohen

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

if u read this far i’m kissing u on the lips mwah

[alwayssaywhatever]

I made a playlist for my fanfic

Art by my friend Ferbiie. She’s amazing and did this as a surprise and she’s incredibly talented. So go follow her tumblr, her account on Insta for drawings: littlesweetdrawings and read her fanfics at A03.

So, some of you know that I‘m writing Mystic Messenger Fanfic. I just decided to create a playlist to my wip, Wine and Cigarettes, a JuminxZen Fanfic.

There’s a few songs per chapter, and I decided to post the list here with a few notes about each of them. 

There are spoilers for the chapters on the song’s choices and explanation. I suggest you go read first and then come back here.

1- Underneath The Mistletoe

A Lovely Night - La La Land Soundtrack (The hate-love dynamics in the beginning of their relationship and the RFA being on a lovely Christmas Night).

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift (Jumin feeling conflicted about Zen)

Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood (I think the lyrics say everything, they are lonely, ygot issues.)

Nervous - Shawn Mendes (“You make me nervous and piss me off”)

Underneath the Mistletoe - Sia (I found this one today and found cute and it’s the name of the chapter)

2- Silence and Anxiety

Toxic - Britney Spears (Zen still wondering what happened on their first kiss)

Troublemaker - Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida (Zen knowing that JUmin could be trouble)

His Status is… Preferred - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (I love this show CEG and decided to put some fun songs in the middle of this playlist and the lyrics describe Jumin well from Zen’s pov)

broken - lovelytheband (I add this one on the list after reading this fic “Trust fund party” link: https://bit.ly/3iQtXis)

Into You - Ariana Grande (Zen wondering if he should make a move before the second kiss)

3- French Cuisine

Crush - Tessa Violet (I love her music and this album, the fluff, thinking about each other)

I Like (the idea of) You - Tessa Violet (more fluff, the texting each other)

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys (Even if they already kissed each other twice, there’s the question if the other feels the same way, the same intensity)

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys (The end of the dinner)

Animal - Chase Holfelder (it’s a cover from Neon Trees and I like the slowed down version, it gets sexier)

4- Birthday Date

I Really Like You - Carly Rae Jepsen (few weeks of dating, the beginning of liking someone)

Absolutely Smitten - dodie (same from the one before)

Dive - Ed Sheeran (the fear of falling fast and too intensely for someone, wanting to make sure the other feels the same)

Talk Too Much - COIN (I love this one and thought it was too cute)

5- Confessions and Fried Chicken

Make Me Like You - Gwen Stefani (the whole panic before saying “I Love You”)

Stupid Love - Lady Gaga (fine, I love you, so what?)

Shut Up and Dance - WALK THE MOON (Zen basically saying this song before they dance together)

Baby I’m Yours - Barbara Lewis (the song that appears at the chapter, it speaks for itself)

6- The Storm After the Calm

You Deserve Better - James Arthur (Jumin thinking about leaving Zen, insecurities and fear)

Just Give Me a Reason - P!nk ft. Nate Ruess (Zen asking what’s wrong and why they are breaking up. P!nk’s lines are Jumin and Nate’s lines are Zen)

Before You Go - Lewis Capaldi (Zen asking if there was something he could do to stop the break up)

ok on your own - mxmtoon ft. Carly Rae Jepsen (the whole lyrics it’s a mix between their feelings)

7- Broken Promises

We don’t talk Anymore - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez (“Every now and then I think you might want me to come show up at your door, but I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong”)

I Was an Island - John-Allison Weiss (Zen’s pov for the lyrics)

Words Ain’t Enough - Tessa Violet (Jumin made promises with words, but his actions proved them otherwise. They broke up saying that they still loved each other)

Death By A Thousand Cuts - Taylor Swift (Zen again: “'Cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts; flashbacks waking me up; I get drunk, but it's not enough”)

EX - Kiana Ledé (More Zen: “Just 'cause it's different and we're not the same; Doesn't mean things have to change; I got no trouble with my pride, got trouble cutting ties”)

8- RFA’s New Members

dream of you - mxmtoon (I love her music and had to have her here too and it’s sad. The lyrics really mean everything)

i miss you - mxmtoon (the lyrics also say everything on this one)

Dress - Taylor Swift (“Our secret moments in your crowded room; They've got no idea about me and you”)

I Won’t Give Up - Jason Mraz (Zen still has hopes, so he joins the RFA)

9- A Night of Regrets

Maniac - Conan Gray (pretty much the fight from the chapter)

Walls Could Talk - Halsey (The fight gain)

Horny Angry Tango - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the sexual tension of the fight)

We Should Definetly Not Have Sex Right Now - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (the title and the lyrics are pretty straight forward)

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT - Monsta X (this happens after this chapter and before the next chapter. It’s not healthy, but continue to hook up)

Circles - Post Malone (the same bas from the last song, but this time Zen believes he has to put an end to all of this)

10- The Consequences To Their Actions

Never Really Over - Katy Perry (Zen thinking about the bad cycle of their hookups, but also still having feelings for Jumin)

Strangers - Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui (Halsey lines are Zen and Lauren’s lines are Jumin)

Getaway Car - Taylor Swift (Jumin talking about their relationship was doomed from the beginning)

Mercy - Shawn Mendes (Zen demanding explanations about them, if they have a future)

Say Something - A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera (Zen pleading for answers)

Please Don’t Leave Me - P!nk (Jumin not wanting Zen to leave)

It Was a Shit Show - Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast (Zen admitting that their relationship was flawed and it should be over)

11- Comfort in an Unexpected Place

Perfect Illusion - Lady Gaga (Zen being mad about their second time was not feeling and just something casual)

Truth Hurts - Lizzo (Zen complaining to Seven)

Good as Hell - Lizzo (Seven giving advice to Zen)

Kill This Love - BLACKPINK (feeling empowered after deciding not to cry about his ex anymore. “His love is my favorite; But you plus me; Sadly can be dangerous”)

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift (putting the final stone and saying it’s over forever)

12- Kind Eyes and Good Advice

Strawberries and Cigarettes - Troye Sivan (the song that inspired the title of the fic. I could be the two singing, but Jumin is thinking about: “strawberries and cigarettes always taste like you”)

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi (Jumin is all the lyrics, but this one really hurts: “I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain”)

Falling - Harry Styles (Jumin drinking and blaming himself. “And I get the feelin' that you'll never need me again”)

Ex - Stray Kids (the moment I heard this song I thought about Jumin singing this. The MV on youtube has the lyrics in English ;])

13- When a Door Closes…

i hate u, i love u - gnash ft. Olivia O’Brien (this chapter it’s more about the characters and Rika, but it’s also the first time in six months that the two saw each other and I love this song so much)

14- …Someone Breaks Through a Window

Strange Love - Halsey (RFA wondering why the two fight so much and Zen reflects about their past)

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars (Jumin thinking about the things he could’ve done better)

Talking to the Moon - Bruno Mars (Zen thinking about the two of them after all this time)

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye ft. Kimbra (they being annoyed at the the other, their fights and bickerings on the chat rooms)

I will reblog this post when I add more songs to the playlist. I’ve already updates chapters 15 and 16 but I still didn’t know wich songs to add, so this is it for now.

There is a tag for the fic and I’ll update everything there as well. 

I hope you enjoyed this journey into my mind. This songs helped me write and maybe I’ll have some drawing to complete this whole work.

[yououghtaknow]

skam brighton season 5 music analysis

hello :) i’ve gone through all the songs on previous seasons of skam brighton and explained why i used them and i thought i would do it for season 5 now that it’s over.

tw for disucssion of addiction, racism, pedophilia, transphobia and homophobia

trailer

we begin with a bang with “don’t blame me” by taylor swift. now it has been said about me that i am a swiftie and it is true. and nick braxton is a reputation era bitch. this song has quite literally it all for nick’s character - we got christian themes, reference to drug addiction and an unhealthy devotion to someone. this trailer has gone through many songs to find the perfect one, but i decided on this one because of the themes, and also because of the line “they say she’s gone too far this time” - which, in regards to nick, can be read in many ways. we got the nick going “too far” with his love for james in subtly trying to break liz and james up, nick and their drug addiction, and nick and their relationship with their gender identity - going too far in both the masculine and feminine directions. also it bangs your honour.

episode one

we!! begin!! with!! saturday night’s alright for fighting by sir elton john!!! because it is saturday night and, as we’vee seen, nick isn’t afraid to get into a fight or two. this song specifically was chosen because of the movie rocketman, which i drew a lot of inspiration from, with the themes of drug addiction and sexuality. also, once again, it simply slaps.

we then get “ymca” by the village people playing in the background over the rest of the party scene. i chose this song because it is a very stereotypically gay song, and a lot of what i wanted nick to deal with was self-perception in regards to stereotypes. he is very stereotypically flamboyant because it’s both the way he is and a defensive mechanism - leading to his bisexuality being erased and being seen as gay a lot of the time. he ‘s pretty much the opposite in regards to his asian identity, with him not being academically intelligent and outspoken and being very british in their speaking patterns. it’s about the balance and duality and all that stuff. 

then, as we are formally introduced to nick’s devotion to james, we get “where dreams go to die” by john grant. thank you to my friend katya for recommeding this song as a nick song because it is just. crazy. every line makes me want to scream. especially “this is like a well-oiled machine / could i please see that smile again? / it's all that makes me feel like i am living in this world”. like that just shows the extent of nick’s love - because sometimes you’re just in love with the idea of being saved rather than seeking help. is that poetic or am i just pretentiously talking about my trauma? who knows.

we then get “overprotected” by britney spears - because britney has been a nick staple the whole series. i first heard the song in the musical & juliet and i was immediately like “oh nick core”. the song opens with: “ i need time (time) / love (love), joy (joy) / i need space (love) / i need me (action!) / say hello to the girl that i am / you're gonna have to see through my perspective”. because we are literally seeing from nick’s perspective. i also wanted to introduce the gender dynamics early - including in the trailer, where nick refers to themself with she/her pronouns - and her nick is referred to in the text of the song as a girl. it’s also a very sad song about not having any control over your life with a fun pop backing track, which is very nick braxton.

we then get another party scene, that opens with “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” (by ariana grande) covered by sam fender. i chose this song because 1) i love the cover and 2) god is it a nick song. literally nick has so many wants (to be loved by their family, to get sober, to succeed in school, to explore their gender freely) but he focuses on wanting james and wanting james to leave liz because there are less achievable and thus safer. also the song fucking slaps.

we close with “happy little pill” by troye sivan, a mlm classic. a staple of 2014. i chose this song because 1) drug in title, easy get, and 2) it’s actually a really good song???? it’s about the dissociation. it’s very similar to the scene with bree in season 4 episode 1 where “chandelier” plays as she’s clearly not doing well but she’s pretending for the sake of her friends. nick and bree are narrative foils and i love them.

episode two

the first song of episode 2 is “be great” by lolandre and jeremy pope after we see nick and his dad’s dynamic for the first time. and it’s really something huh. it’s about how christian does want nick to be great, but christian has a very narrow idea of what success and happiness looks like.

the next bit of media we get in this episode is nick watching the first episode of euphoria. when preparing to write various seasons of skam brighton, i watched a lot of teen dramas to get a good feel for the vibe i was going for. euphoria was one of them and it’s a show i have a lot of mixed feelings for - i think it’s very well crafted and extremely interesting but i also do have issues with the sexualisation of teenagers on screen, even if it is mostly realistic. i chose this scene specifically because nick and rue are very similar characters, in regards to their relationships with their parents (i believe nick is more of a jules kinnie but more on that later). they both just want to be a good kid and make them happy, but they can never seem to do it. gia, rue’s younger sister, is also a parallel to nick’s brothers.

we then get “old eden” by honeywater which is just simply a song i like very much that had the vibes of the scene. also the lines “i want love / but i don't just want love, i want you / i see the beach house, your sweet mouth / but the terrible news / is that love is not how it seems on the screen / yeah, real love has problems / but it's what's in-between that's the best” is simply just nick braxton huh. ambiguous disorder.

we then get “generation why” by conan gray as nick storms out of their house after a fight with their parents. i chose it very simply for the vibes because i only listened to this song once and thought “i do not wish to listen to this in my free time but it is a nick braxton time”. it’s just the angsty indie pop main character walking down the street vibes.

we!!! end!!! with!!! a song i love very much - “sex drive” by austin mckenzie of dwsa fame. this song plays over nick getting “rejected” by james and resorting to grindr to feed their want for human affection - which is where the parallels to ms jules euphoria come from. i chose this song specifically because it begins with the lines “who’s driving?” on repeat, which calls into question who is in control in the scenario. as seen on screen, nick is the one who initiates the “date” but, at the end of the day, nick is an underage teenager and the person he’s on a date with is an adult man. also the song is simply a fun bisexual time.

episode three

we open with “hurricane drunk” by florence and the machine, a song that has been decidedly nick core since 2018. like “i’m in the grip of a hurricane / i’m going to blow myself away”...... nick braxton you crazy little person

“yours” by greyson chance plays over nick and james driving out to the woods to skip school together….. it is quite insane. “no matter who i'm with, it's you that i adore / if you're not sure / baby, i'm yours” like i scream and shout nick braxton has always been in love with the concept of james cohen

“myrtle ave.” by mxmtoon plays as nick is feeling isolated from his friends…. like they just vibe with the song and the lyrics so hard. nick is just. i have no words other than i love them.

we close with “st jimmy” by green day because. goddammit isn’t he. like james just comes out as bisexual (just like st jimmy in american idiot the broadway musical) and nick is like “you are like a saint to me, i worship you, i will do anything for you”. like it’s a song about drug addiction but it’s also about being bisexual but it’s also about the performance of masculinity and the performance of being a “rebel” that james and nick both do i love them so much.

episode four

we begin with “lucy in the sky with diamonds” by the beatles. i do not listen to the beatles but i think the song is about drugs and the beatles is a james cohen band in canon so it has the connotations babey.

we then get “seventeen” by troye sivan as nick goes on grindr to seek out adult men. it’s genuinely such a nick song - once again, the fun poppy music in the background and the deeply upsetting lyrics. also, as in season 4, i chose this song to emphasise the fact that nick is seventeen and a minor and should not be doing these activities.

we then get “dancing on my own” by robyn as we’re at the vaguely halloween-esque party. it’s once again about the boppy music and sad lyrics and like. nick voice i’m in the corner watching you kiss her ohhhhhh i’m right over here why can’t you see me ohhhhhhh i’m giving it my all but i’m not the guy you’re taking home ooooh i keep dancing on my own. like he’s fucking insane (he is both me and nick)

and then!!!! we get a scene very personal to me. nick watching rocky horror for the first time at a shadowcast showing and watching “the time warp”. i first saw rocky horror when i was about 10/11 because i saw it on glee and wanted to watch the real movie and it made me so so transgender and homosexual. it is such a non-binary little movie and the time warp is just an absolute bop. 

it’s followed by a brief showing of “sweet transvestite” because tim curry in that movie is such an experience for anyone involved. like oh to be gender questioning nick braxton and to see that. what a fucking experience. and also to be gender questioning 11 year old me and to see that and then find out my school is doing a kidz bop version of rocky horror. fucking insane transgender times.

we close with “cecily smith” by will connolly as milo and nick walk home together because. it is just such a sweet song. like life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with. and it is a very nickmilo song and i am the president of nickmilo nation. i love a non-binary romance i do i do i do.

episode five

we open with “halloween” by phoebe bridgers because it is literally halloween. insane. but it is also such a nick braxton song like come on man we can be anything…… nick braxton voice i’ll be whatever you want…… it’s about the people pleasing and the desire to be wanted and needed loved and goodness gracious. also nick braxton fig faeth kinnie for this song specifically.

and then!!!!! we get nick dramatically singing “girl crush” by the harry styles version in his bathroom mirror. because goddammit they do have a girl crush. it’s about the gender and the desire to both be with james and to be liz becausenick is non-binary babey……..

and then!!!!! in such a parallel!!!!! we get milo singing “inner white girl” from a strange loop on their instagram live. “a strange loop” was a big inspiration for this season, with very similar themes fo it (you should listen to it right now) and this song….. quite genuinely we have nick singing a song about wanting to be a white girl and then they hear this song….. like nick does cling to his inner white girl as a way of staying safe - they cling to the safe idea of mlm flamboyancy and humour to hide from their genuine emotions and gender……. like it is insane to me. also white girls can do anything can’t they!!!!!!!

we then get “the people who raised me” by gregory and the hawks after nick has a fight with their parents…. “but i won't mind no time spent to save me / just trying to be good to the people who raised me” literally nick is trying his best to be good but he can’t be and that makes him angry!!!!!! but that anger is born out of a deep, deep sadness that nick has no emotional language to express, but anger is a language he can speak and it is. insane. like it’s about masculinity, it’s about femininity, it’s about everything. fuck. 

we then get "search your heart" by george feeny as nick sadly vibes at school…. also this scene does parallel with the liz/mary scene in season 2 where their parents fight. like liz is shitty to her friends but stays for her sister and nick is great to his friends but leaves his brothers behind….. the range.

and then!!!! we get phoebe bridgers’ cover of “friday i’m in love” because it is friday and nick is in love huh.

and then!!!!!!!!!! a moment i have been building up to!!!!! we get “back to black” by ms amy winehouse after nick finds out james has a crush on alistair thee fletcher. and just like. god. this song has everything for nick. it’s a song about depression, addiction, leaving your lover, anger, bitterness, second choice ness….. and also he is literally going back to black with his hair colour!!!!! because he thinks being more masculine is what will make people love him and he views pink hair as un-masculine!!!!! and he’s also going back to his family, so he’s going back to trying to hide himself to fit into their expectations….. like god it is an insane little time.

episode six 

we open with “idk if i’m a boy” by blue foster - a song i got on my discover weekly and it was a deeply personal attack. like nick voice i don’t know if i’m a reject i don’t know if i’m a loser but i know that i’ve been feeling feminine since i’ve been teething…. and how the song uses humour as a way to cope with gender dysphoria like it’s nick bay bee.

we then get “green light” by lorde because god it is such a james/nick song i feel insane. like “did it frighten you / how we kissed when we danced on the light up floor?” because james and nick have canonically kissed many times before….. also lorde as an artist just has such intense nick vibes it’s so much fun

we then get "fluorescent adolescent" by arctic monkeys over a party scene because i’ve been told on the internet that it is a british teen party classic. unfortunately the rowdiest party i’ve ever been to is my cousin’s christening so i do not know if it is factual, but it does slap. 

we then get vérité’s cover of somebody else by the 1975 because i just simply prefer this version. but like. oh nick braxton. oh it’s about the rori and the james and the nick being afraid of being open and committing to someone but still wanting to feel the sense of being wanted by someone and being the sole person they want….. literally it is very crazy.

and then we end with “sugar we’re going down” by fall out boy!!!!! like it it such a good song nick voice am i more than you bargained for yet!!! i’ve been dying to tell you everything you’ve ever wanted to hear!!!! because that’s just who i am this week!!!!! like it fits so well with his character but also it is so funny that sugar we’re going down plays as they faint at the party……. i am a comedian sometimes.

episode seven

the first song we get in this ep is “demi moore” by phoebe bridgers as nick is detoxing in the hospital. like quite genuinely “i don’t wanna be stoned anymore!!!!!!!!” they don’t want to be alone anymore!!!!!!!!!

then we get “bite the hand” by boygenius. just. like. “i can’t love you the way you want me to” is just. such a statement for nick’s season. like he can’t love james the way james wants to be loved by nick, they can’t love their parents, their parents can’t love them…… it’s all about learning how to love in a way that is felt by all parties involved in the relationship be it romantic, platonic, familial or otherwise. like. it’s so insane it’s all about love

and then we get “relay” by fiona apple - which was a contender for the trailer song at some point. like nick @ alistair is very “i resent you for being raised right etc.” because he knows liz is fucked up and has flaws, he’s seen them, but alistair is easy to project all of his hatred onto. also just like evil is a relay sport thank you ms apple.

we then get “girls just wanna have fun” by cyndi lauper and “dancing queen” and “mamma mia” by abba sung at the lgbt youth club karaoke night because. i mean of course they are. also they are very fun gender songs and i enjoy them :)

and then. my friends. the moment you’ve been waiting for. nick braxton singing alanis morrissette’s “you oughta know”. now this is gonna be a long one.

the you oughta know analysis

first things first, i got the jagged little pill broadway behind the scenes book for christmas and there’s a whole chapter about you oughta know being a song about the queer struggle of being unseen and unheard and i feel so validated like that is exactly what the song is about.

but for nick. oh baby. it is them singing to james, to rori, to al, to liz, to bree, to his parents, to his teachers, to everyone who perceives them wrong. it’s their moment of standing up and saying i am angry and i am serious about this and i deserve to be listened to as a young person. i will now give an in depth analysis of every line i want to.

“the perfect version of me” - bree and nick have had so many parallels throughout the series, which bree can be described as a “better” version of nick. they’re in therapy, she’s taking care of herself, they’re bisexual and it’s accepted by everyone, she’s a good partner to rori, she has parents who love her, and she can be gender non-conforming in a safe way. but this line also applies to al - because nick and al have also been compared this season, with al talking about how he’s comfortable with his femininity and james liking al, who, despite claiming to be more feminine, is still more traditionally masculine than nick. al, bree and liz are all very academically smart. they are all very creatively gifted. liz doesn’t struggle for money. nick, in their mind, compared to all of these people, is a failure.

“so she speaks eloquently / and she could have your baby / i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother” - this applied to both liz and bree, who both try to be seen as very eloquent speakers, and who are both afab, so therefore can have james’s baby - something nick wouldn’t be able to do. but we have seen in liz and bree’s seasons that they both have sexual trauma, and bree especially is uncomfortable with having children. it’s nick having this idea of womanhood and femininity being something so unattainable and required for james - that it kind of segways into al. because al is also assigned female at birth and could, as he is pre-t, hypothetically have a child, which is playing into some transphobic notions, but nick sees al as both more feminine and more masculine than him - making al just perfect for james.

“and every time you speak his name / does he know why you told me / you'd be there until you died / 'til you died, but you're still alive” - nick changes to he pronouns here, now directly talking about al. we’ve seen james flirting with nick and we know they’ve kissed in the past, and james and nick are incredibly close friends. but james still, in nick’s mind at this point, chose al over him.

“it was a slap in the face / how quickly i was replaced / and are you thinking of me when she fucks you?” - the conversation about how all the skam brighton characters relate to the line between sex and love is so interesting to me. it is also the reason i do not allow my parents to read this show. but anyways - nick does feel so genuinely replaced by everyone in his life, like there’s always a newer, better version waiting just around the corner. what nick doesn’t know is that that is how everyone else around him feels as well. and the line “are you thinking of me when she fucks you” is such a pointed line because it’s not a line of confidence or a joke. nick knows that no one thinks about them like that because they feel repulsive but try to play it off as a joke.

then we get the “i” section, which is, in the script, more “ayes” and “nahs”, but i wanted to change it to be the word “i” specifically because so much of the season is nick existing for other people. for their parents, for their friends, for their clients, for james. in this moment, they are choosing themself. they are standing up and saying “what i feel is important and i fucking matter”

“'cause the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me / and i'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes / and you know it” - because nick’s sexuality and nick as a romantic partner is treated as such a joke throughout the show’s run, and james has been trying to turn every time he kissed nick into a joke that will go away, but it’s not going to go away because nick remembers it. even if james tries to deny his sexuality to nick’s face, nick is always going to remember that james was, at some point, attracted to men enough to kiss him.

“and every time i scratch my nails / down someone else's back, i hope you feel it / well, can you feel it?” - every time nick has sought out sex with strangers it’s because they feel rejected and insecure in themself. they seek out this sexual validation as a way to feed their want to be loved and noticed by people and he wants james and rori to feel hurt by it - he wants to have the power, he wants to have the control.

“and i’m here” - this line is just. so powerful to me. because it’s a line of defeat - after all this time, nick’s ended up at some crappy youth group with his little brother babysitting him, and he’s been dumped and cheated on and overdosed and everything is so awful. but then it becomes a line of celebration. of “yeah, all that shit happened to me, but i’m still here, i’m still standing, and no one can take away the fact that i am here and i am alive and i deserve to be respected” - something milo taught them when they talked about their tattoo 

“to remind you of the mess you left when you went away” - nick himself is the mess they all left - because they feel so abandoned and alone and like they are just a mess to be discarded, but he’s here to remind everyone that he’s here. it’s a call for help.

“it's not fair, to deny me / of the cross i bear that you gave to me” - this line i always saw as directed at his parents - they gave him this cross of being the perfect eldest sibling that ended up crushing him, and they deny that it ever happened. but nick knows it did. the same way he knows james like guys. the same way he knows rori didn’t like only him. the same way he’s been denying himself of the cross he bears of being non-binary, the cross of being an addict, the cross of being a mentally ill neurodivergent person. this song is him finally letting go of that denial.

“you oughta know” - he’s talking to everyone with that line. everyone should know about his pain, about his emotions, about what he’s gone through, because he’s kept it so bottled up for years. it’s not fair for him not to share it because he deserve to.

they don’t call me isaac tumblr user yououghtaknowmp3 for nothing.

episode eight

we open with “seven” by taylor swift as nick reads a letter they wrote to their younger self. like. “i used to scream ferociously any time i wanted” is such a line about being neurodivergent as a child and then being forced to mask as you grow up….. also the bridge is just james and nick core…. you should come live with me and we could be pirates…..

we then get “nonbinary” by arca because i feel like at this point nick would be trying to listen to more nonbinary artists because they want to see themself reflected rather than running from it!!!!

we then get “heather” by conan gray as nick and liz accidentally meet at the local mentally ill teen zone. because i am just fucking crazy like that. and yes, i chose that song before it got big on tiktok. but i think it’s funnier because it is a famous song.

we then get “falling” by harry styles as nick is being emo in their bedroom because nick is just the type of person who will dramatically listen to harry styles in their bedroom whilst being sad. it also completes the full circle of sad taylor swift to sad harry styles, but with no vehicular manslaughter.

we then get “400 lux” by lorde after james and nick have their big conversation because like it is just a them song. like you buy me orange juice. it’s also about the james/nick having a gansey/ronan dynamic in the way that nick is devotedly in love with him and james is just being homoerotic for the jokes. but not most other ways. honestly i haven’t thought about the skam brighton versions of these characters in trc….. many thoughts head full

episode nine

we open with “pink rabbits” by the national as nick redyes their hair back to pink. and i’ll be honest. i only chose this song because it has pink in the title. but it does still vibe with nick though.

we then get “be your own 3am” by adult mom as nick is dealing with some bad cravings. it’s just a very pretty song for listening to alone at night in your bed in that weird space between sleep and awake. i love it.

we then get “i am not a robot” by marina as nick walks down the street because nick is a marina bitch!!!!!!! and “you've been acting awful tough lately / smoking a lot of cigarettes lately / but inside, you're just a little baby / it's okay to say you've got a weak spot” is such a nick @ james line it makes me insane

also rich’s entire character and backstory is directly lifted from skins gen 3 because i am niche and make content just for me

we then end with “rager teenager!” by troye sivan because i have listened to that song exactly once, decided it had nick vibes, and just stuck it in an episode somewhere.

episode ten

we open with “strange torpedo” by lucy dacus because it is just. such a nick song. it is insane. i am insane. like it is about nick wanting someone but not being sure who or what it is because he just wants to be loved and discovers that sometimes being liked is better than being loved…….

we then get “used to you” by mxmtoon and like….. “tell me what i can say / and i can say it / tell me what i can do / and i can do my best / tell me who i should be / and i can change it” is such a nick early s5 lyric…… and how the song is kind of a love song but the line “now i’m just kind of used to you” is very nick about his feelings towards james

we then get “gay street fighter” by keiynan lonsdale as milo gets their sexy slow mo that all of the love interests get at some point. they deserve it.

and then “to be alone with you” by sufjan stevens plays as milo and nick have their first kiss in the pool because i always wanted to include that scene and thought “hey here is good”. and like. they are alone with each other a lot and they like spending time with each other….. they are friends, they are teens, they are falling in love a little <3

we then get “creep” by lena hall as nick has a little gender moment at school. lena hall played yitzhak in the broadway revival of hedwig and the angry inch and she just has so much gender. creep has always been a nick song and this cover just…. it’s them. 

we then get some ambient guitar music during the nick/rori scene and i chose some songs from “your city gave me asthma” by wilbur soot because it is a fucking great album and nick is canonically a mcyt stan so i simply had to. we end with “your new boyfriend”, which is a funnier, happier wilbur soot song and it is simply a fun time.

episode eleven

we open with “gender is boring” by she/her/hers which is just an absolute banger. like “gender never really meant that much to me / til' people started telling me how it was supposed to be” is such a great line and it is very nick braxton because. like. it’s just gender babey everything is about gender except for gender which is about having fun.

“dorothea” by taylor swift plays as james and nick have their final big scene together and like. it is such a homoerotic and fun song i love it so much thank you taylor friend of the show swift. “and if you're ever tired of being known / for who you know / you know, you'll always know me” is just……. god.

we then get “i do (end credits)” by kevin abstract as we open on the final scene of the season because a) it has end credits in the title and b) it is just another song i think nick would enjoy listening to.

we then get “they/them/theirs” by worriers as we get another little party montage because it’s a vibe time and like. i do love a they/them pronoun moment. it’s a very good and fun pronoun to use.

and finally we get “prelude” from next to normal as al comes in late to the party and awkwardly stands at the back. i chose this song because. well. you’ll see :)

thank you for reading my analysis that no one asked for, i just love having fun and talking about my silly little show :)

[sweetheart90210]

Thoughts on Jikook

So, I have been lurking for the past 2 months on anything/everything jikook related and when I tell you I have never ship ever in my life ever, especially when it’s two people not even cartoon characters. OMG ok before I get into my thoughts here a Disclaimer: I have never done this before so excuse me if there’s any grammar errors also, this just my thoughts and opinions on everything that i have consumed  so whoever reads this your a god and I don’t blame anyone if just you scroll past this lol.

. What’s funny is that this started out of boredom lol, ok so since October, I have fallen into the rabbit hole that this ship is. So I was on youtube just doing usual stuff and I don’t know why till this day, but I search BTS funny videos so as i watched some vids, and  I see my recommended list and there’s this shipping video about Jikook on this youtube call black&white couple, and at first I’m like “uhh ok well lets just see what this is” it was jikook lowkey exposing themselves i think that’s the title so after watching i wasn’t convinced 100%, but I had questions that needed to be answer.

So the first thing that stood out to me was the GCF thing in the video cause it said it was a by an openly-gay artist( I didn’t know who Troye was) and in my head i was like that’s impossible like a korean idol using an openly gay artist’s song in what world considering how south korea is with the LGBT community and as a gay person who finds fanservice not so enjoyable because to me, it's like “ooh looks at us we almost kiss hehehe” you know its cringy and it's obvious the idols don’t like but do it anyway, I’m probably on the minority but I digress. My point is majority are not so open about the gays or even touch on the subject or even acknowledge a gay artist, so when I lookup Troye sivan and his boyfriend all up on instagram and how JK openly admires him and did a cover with Namjoon, rainbow flags, rainbow flags everywhere. And to add more fuel to the fire, I come to find out JK planned the whole thing without any managers, or staff an actually took JM on trip just by themselves.

Now what really bothers me is how a lot of the fandom likes to turn a blind eye for Jikook and Jikook only. it’s the only pair that gets the most hate. and I honestly think it's because it’ has the most probability of being real and a lot of people aren’t ready to accept that maybe your oppa likes dick. I have a twitter and I only follow 5 jikook accounts and they have a lot of followers but it’s crazy how nasty and ugly the replies/quotes are when they post a Jikook moment, the one that really took me out was the Ice block gift. OMG i have never seen so many people try to disprove something that’s literally in there face with no subtly what so ever like why are people so triggered, and ready to pop a vein, and foam out the mouth lol. I don’t get it. Also recently with the new GCF that dropped there was a post about Namkook with 20k likes pointing out how the video got warmer when Namjoon smiled and basically celebrating the editing, however the same can’t be said when the black border turned white when JM’s scene came on, because a lot people where like “it’s not about ships”, but yet the Namkook post can get 20k likes and everyone can go goo goo gaga gaga over it.....OK. My point Jikook is a threat to these people and unless they come out which I highly doubt they will, no one is gonna want to see the how JK and JM are subtle yet obvious and are showing us to there best to their ability. Speaking of coming out If they were too I would honestly love it if they did after their enlistment cause I don’t want them to ge treated over there differently just because of their sexual orientation. you know how the military is over there the hyper masculinity and don’t ask don’t tell BS. safety is the most important.

Ok Last thing cause this is getting too long and messy. The video was my catalyst( lol I had to) into diving deep into this, so the second thing that caught my eye was the member’s reaction when Jikook did something or where in there own world. Basically Jikook have the ability to turn people into third wheels. like the awkwardness that oozes from the other members when these two start. I’ll never forget the Japan interview like WTF was that shit and the “arrest me”......*sigh* I can’t. there’s so much more and don’t get me started when I found MMA 2018 and Rose Bowl, especially Rose bowl, like my man really gonna suck his ear like that in front 50-60k people like.... do you have no shame at all lol. Season’s greeting, Bon Voyage( all seasons), the winter package preview. like y’all don’t understand these two are ruining my life(in a fun way). What makes this more interesting is not only the dynamics Jikook had in the beginning but also the consistency, and they have extra loud this year as well. so yea these are my thoughts I wanted to share I’m not an analytical person but this not rocket science,  I think JK is the main reason why is so obvious lol bless his heart he truly wears his heart on his sleeve, JM is hard to read but he has his caught of guard moment too. OOHH and the TATTOO!!. THE FUVkcing tattoo

OK listen I don’t know who came up with that OT7 bullcrap about “representing all the members bs, but let me tell you something if you have to explain something that is so obvious, you might as well agree that you see what we see, cause the reach in that idea has to many inconsistencies, So he got the A an upside down V to represent Tae, RM for Rm, Y for Yoongi????, PAUSE THE MUSIC. where his stage name at? where’s Suga also J is for Jimin, Jin, J-hope, and JK....???? you mean to tell me that one J on his ring finger is suppose to represent the rest of the members???

He might as well tattoo “BTS” on a different section of his hand cause the way this theory reaches beyond the great wall of China is sending me lol. Ok I’m ending this now cause I’m turning this into a rant and I don’t want this to be rant so yea based on what I have seen not only from the past and recently Jikook are 99.9% a couple, leaving that 1 percent cause you never know, maybe they really are just close bros, but the probability is high for sure. Thank you for reading if you made it this far, it’s long and messy, but these are my thoughts I’ve had for a while.

[rainbowsntears]

dance to this

request ↳ i was wondering if you could make an imagine where the reader is in the stranger things cast and at the afterparty, she dances with finn like millie did and everyone’s watching. finn never dances because of his anxiety so i was wondering if you could do an imagine where millie makes the reader and finn dance together and finn’s nervous but eventually warms up to it and they’re both dancing and have fun. and there’s people watching and recording them like they did yesterday! thanks, and i’m sorry if this is a lot to ask <3

summary ↳ the dancefloor looks better when there’s two people having the time of their lives, and millie had to help you out to get that achievement.

warnings ↳ nothing at all! pure fluff y’all!!!!

words ↳ 1417

note ↳ hi bb please don’t apologise this request was perfectly fine and also this imagine was so cute and i hope this was what you were asking for! lowkey this is kinda inspired by ‘dance to this’ by troye sivan ft. ariana grande and maybe a bit of ‘rescue me’ by sabrina carpenter lol but enjoy reading this guys! love you xx

Grey clouds overshadowed his face as he slouched in the plastic chair, hearing the huff he exaggerated from over the other side of the building where you stood leaning against a white cemented and cold pole, eyes only gazing at his bored figure. It's just...Finn just looked so sad and lonely, and you could wish of a thousand stars that you could make him better. Anything for such a happy and gentle boy to have the time of his life staying as a kid.

It was the way his bundle of dark curls loosed to the side of his face, even covering his chocolate eyes. The way his top rosy lip hid underneath when his front teeth bit down on it, and how his freckles started to crawl away underneath the shadows of the neon lights that glistened on the dance floor. That's where you wanted to be, dancing with him, where worries flew away because if it ever happened - and at that moment - all you would care about was making him happier.

I mean, it's the Stranger Thing Season 3 after party, he can't be gloomy on such a fun day! Plus after filming the third season of a fantastic show, you and the rest of the cast deserved to have a great time.

Five minutes and fifty-three seconds passed since you first laid your eyes on such a pretty and melancholy sighting.

fifty-four.

fifty-five.

fif-

"-Y/n, don't you think it's time you go over there and ask him to dance with you?" A voice startled you, which made you jump stunned from your still position. Quickly, you whipped your body around to find a pure and kind-hearted Millie standing behind you, rocking on her heels as she fiddled with her fingers and the smile she wore on her face was already enough of a beautiful view.

You shook your head and sighed, "Nah, it's no use, honestly. He'll probably decline, and then what do I do?" You glanced between the two brunette stars, folding your arms as you frustratedly thought.

Millie rolled her eyes softly, "You try again! You're definitely the only person Finn will say yes to when asking for a dance," She answered, grasping her hands on your shoulder to help bring her statement across to you more, "and he won't decline you, believe me, Y/n!"

Another sigh, then a grumble...maybe that was a groan, but you loosen your shoulders and look at Finn again before finally making your decision.

What's that decision, you say?

...Well, spoiler alert: You agree to Millie.

Millie excitedly jumps up and down as she slightly pushes your over to Finn's directly, obviously hurrying you to ask the Canadian since she was just so happy for you that you finally had the guts and confidence to do such a nerve-wracking thing. You've always been a shy person when it comes to Finn; wanting to say and do things towards the boy without stuttering or chickening out at the last second. It was a struggle. But, you just hope you weren't making a terrible mistake by listening to Millie and trusting her enough to do this.

Of course you weren't making a mistake. Millie was the most trustworthy person you've ever met!

The bottom of your shoes clapped against the floorboards as your feet shuffled nervously over to the boy, taking small and quick steps from the second thoughts that consumed your brain and you knew you just had to tell your mind to shut its damn mouth before you did anything you would regret.

He caught you walking to him from a two-metre radius, his head lifting up and eyes staring you down as you hesitantly stopped at your designated location.

Finn Wolfhard.

It was at that moment that your breath hitched and your body completely froze like a statue, you had no idea what to do right now. You wanted to look back at Millie to see what she does, but you didn't want to give away that you were actually forced to do this since you were so shy.

Awkward as the first word that was written in your brain, no one spoke for like ten seconds as if you were waiting for him to say something.

Finn...um...wasn't the best at this stuff either.

"Hi,"

Your lips parted agape, you didn't even know that you spoke! Like your body was doing stuff that your mind wasn't able to have control over, and you worried if whether that was a good thing or not. So you just watched as the boy's mouth curved a little upwards, but it was enough to hint at a ghost smile as he squinted his eyes, unexpectedly shifting in his seat so he sat a bit more proper and mannered.

"Hey,"

A gasp escaped out of your throat when you heard that he replied which made your heart skip swiftly and you couldn't stop the small smile that glimmered back at him. You tucked a loose strand of hair behind of your ear as you held out your hand, "W-Would you um, would you like to dance with me?"

Two seconds passed.

Four seconds.

...Eight seconds.

Your smile started to fade away the more that time went buy and Finn's face scrunched up more to think, "I-I mean, you don't have if you're not comfortable! I just thought i-it would be a nice thing to do because you looked so...um...lonely," A ramble of nonsense slipped off your tongue as you awkwardly coughed and scratched the back of your neck the more you looked at his concentrated face.

Look, it’s not like Finn didn’t want to dance with you. In fact, he would love to! The problem was that he was having a small battle in his brain between Finn and his anxiety, and it was painful to know that his anxiety didn’t want him dancing with you. He worried about what people would think of him, what the media would say, even how you would react to him dancing! But this question comes once in a lifetime, twice if you’re lucky and Finn didn’t want to get rid of something so special.

So it was like after some small time of thinking, Finn overtowered you as he left his chair and stood right in front of you and took your hand in his, his grin widening more from before as he nodded his head, "I think dancing with you would be awesome, Y/n." He replied before he deliberately dragged your heartstruck self to the dancefloor, literal heart eyes shining as you tripped over your feelings when making your way with him to the dancefloor.

A new song came on, and it was a happy and upbeat one which was exactly what you wanted since this would at least uplift Finn's melancholy.

And let's just say Finn was much more nervous than you.

You could tell he was, considering he started off by bobbing his head along to the beat, numerously looking around at the empty dancefloor that only had been occupied by you two. You definitely didn't blame him for being nervous about such a thing, dancing in front of a huge group of people wasn't the most easy-going thing and definitely took determination and commitment. Plus wanting that enjoyment and fun.

But it's as if when time ran by, Finn became more comfortable as he broke out of his awkward bobbing and decided to take it up a notch by holding your hands and dancing with you. Twirling you around as you did it to himself - that was funny to do since he teasingly crouched down. Finn even dipped you with a firm grasp on your back as the two of you chuckled loudly.

You were having too much fun that you didn’t recognise Millie gathering her friends and the rest of the young cast to watch you guys in awe.

"Y’know, this wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I'm having a blast!" You heard him shout over the loud and cheerful music.

Nodding your head in agreement as you stared up at his face, the colourful lights shining down on him like he was some Roman God of colour, and you laughed at his comment and your thought, "Same! If I knew I was having this much fun with you, I would have asked you earlier!" You yelled back, leaning in a bit to the brunette so he could somewhat hear you.

The way your feet jumped and your hands stayed gripped, your head bobbing around as the both of you singing your loudest and hardest; everyone watched you guys, even some literally took their phones out and recorded you two having the time of your lives.

But you guys didn't care.

Because Finn was happy, and so were you.

[vexedtonightmares]

- mystery of love: chapter one -

skam nl season three week one: you’re new right?

*a few brief notes before we continue: new chapters will be posted every friday. original characters are faceclaims, i wanted the work to be as visually cinematic as possible which is also why i’ve also incorporated songs into the ‘clips’ as a reference to where they would be played in the show. tws will be given when necessary at the beginning of chapters. this will not follow the exact season 3 storyline laid out in og like any other remake, i hope you like the changes. there’s a good possibility no one will read this, but if you do you’re awesome and thank you for feeding my wish fulfillment.*

ao3 link here 

ZATERDAG 23:56 - Do you want to get out of here?

- now playing: super rich kids by frank ocean - 

The party was raging all around, but Lucas couldn’t really be bothered to be a part of it. All he had to do was get these beers back to his friends, then they could lock themselves in the bathroom and get high and forget any and all troubles lingering in the corners of his mind.

He cast his eyes around the room, not looking for anyone in particular, but catching sight of people he knew regardless. Isa was dancing in the middle of the room with Janna, and he couldn’t help but smile at their ridiculous dance moves. Things hadn’t quite been the same between them since everything that happened with Kes, but it was a new school year, maybe they could work things out for real. 

Liv was talking to Engel near the corner of the room, and Lucas briefly wondered where Noah was. Last he’d heard Noah decided not to move to Berlin and was attending a university nearby, which pleased both him and Liv. Lucas didn’t know Noah or Liv very well, but he’d always liked Liv, and if she was happy with Noah and he was happy with her, he supposed that was all anyone could hope for. 

There was a girl standing right by Engel and Liv trying to catch his eye and Lucas ducked away before they could make eye contact, praying she wouldn’t try to follow him. He just didn’t have the energy for that at the moment, didn’t have the energy to pretend. 

Finally, he made it to the bathroom, slipping inside stealthily and shutting the door with extreme caution, so as to not alert the girl from the other room if she had followed. Kes grinned up at him in a way that, a few months ago would have had his heart beating rapidly, and Lucas handed him a beer. If his heart still beat a bit rapidly when their hands brushed, he ignored it. 

Jayden was there in the bathroom as well, along with another boy Lucas didn’t know very well but Jayden had been hanging out with since the start of the year. Sander, was his name. He seemed nice enough, and he brought weed, so he was good in Lucas’ book. 

“Dude what took so long,” Kes asked after Lucas distributed the beers and joined the three of them in the bathtub. He shrugged, shaking his hair from his eyes. It was getting quite long now, longer than he’d had it since he was a kid, but he found he didn’t mind it. Kes, thankfully was growing used to short and nonverbal responses as of late, so he just scooted over to allow Lucas more room and passed him the joint they’d been sharing. 

Lucas took a long drag, staring up at the ceiling as he exhaled, smoke drifting up higher and higher until it spread out and disappeared completely. There was a metaphor in there somewhere, he was sure of it, but then again he’d never been the best at identifying metaphors. That was why his focus was in science, not literature. He liked the idea of literature, but there was so much analysis it zapped the enjoyment out of it.

“Easy there, I barely know you, who says you get to hog all the weed?” Sander snapped, reaching over to pluck the joint from between his fingers. Lucas blushed a bright shade of red and dipped his head down, shaking his curls back in front of his face. 

“Sorry,” he said. He wasn’t sorry, because there wasn’t really anything real to be sorry for, but apologizing just made him feel better about most things. 

Sander raised his eyebrows and grinned. “So you do speak?”

Lucas looked up at him with narrowed eyes. “What?”

“Those are the first words I’ve heard you say all night. One might think you’re not having any fun.” Sander smiled at him with a grin to wide for his face so it was hard to tell if he was teasing in a good natured way or not. 

He was right, though. Lucas really wasn’t having any fun, but he knew better than to say so. He simply shrugged again and quipped, “Maybe I haven’t had anything to say because you haven’t said anything worth responding to.”

Kes choked on his beer, covering his mouth to hide a laugh, and Lucas relaxed. Sander’s grin grew even wider. “Remind me why we haven’t hung out much until now?”

The teasing had been good natured, then. Noted. “I had no idea who you were until a month ago,” Lucas said, and Sander nodded. 

“Right back at you.” He passed the joint back, ignoring Kes and Jayden’s indignant scoffs as he reached over them. “Well here’s to friendships formed in ex-girlfriend’s bathtubs.”

Lucas tried not to shift uncomfortably when reminded that they were in Isa’s house, and Kes didn’t react at all, so maybe they were in the clear. It was a good sign that they were even there, at Isa’s house, and that Kes and Isa weren’t trying to make each other jealous all night. Lucas doubted Isa would have stooped to that level, but he knew Kes had been searching for something to fill the Isa shaped void in his heart for a while there. Maybe he’d realized he didn’t need to focus so hard on filling it. 

The door opened with a bang and all four boys looked up at once, Lucas passing the joint over to Kes hurriedly. Kes looked at him amusedly and he rolled his eyes, looking back at the intruder. Shit, it was the girl from upstairs. Maybe she wouldn’t recognize him? But no, of course he couldn’t be so lucky, he saw the light in her eyes when they met his. 

“Sorry, I didn’t know this bathroom was occupied,” the girl said with a blush, tucking her hair behind her ear. She was pretty, really pretty, and Lucas wished more than anything that he was interested in her the same way she clearly was into him, if her red faced glances his way were any indication. 

“No problem,” Sander said with another grin. Lucas wondered if it was a front or if he really was carefree enough he smiled that easily. He held out the joint to her. “Do you want a hit?” 

She ducked her head. “I’ve never— I’m not sure I’d do it right.”

“Lucas can show you,” Jayden chimed in, and Lucas had to resist the urge to glare at him. From Jayden’s perspective, he should be celebrating having this girl’s attention. 

“I hope you’re Lucas,” she said, looking him in the eye. Beside him, Kes let out a low whistle, jostling Lucas to get out of the bathtub. He did so, and in doing so, he forced himself to become the other version of himself, the one that loved this attention and was grateful to have a beautiful girl looking at him like that. 

He smiled at her, hoping it didn’t look forced. “I hope you’re not disappointed,” he countered, hating himself for it. 

She dropped her eyes but grinned nonetheless. “You look like Troye Sivan,” she said. 

Normally, he would have taken that as a compliment, but he really couldn’t do so here without admitting he knew who Troye Sivan was, so instead he stayed silent and held out his hand for the joint and raised it to his lips once Kes passed it to him, taking a slow drag and maybe showing off a little bit. If he was going to perform, may as well go all in. 

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “If I teach you, you tell me your name so I can know you a little better.”

“I’d give you that without the lesson.” Her voice was breathy and light, and he felt sick. 

“Well I need some incentive, don’t I?” he teased. Maybe she would get bored of this banter and he would be in the clear. 

Instead, she raised one of her eyebrows. “Why don’t you teach me and then we’ll see about that incentive?”

He smiled again at her, taking the joint back from where he’d tucked it behind his ear. The whole time he taught her how to smoke it, all he could think was that he hoped the boys were convinced. None of them had said a word and he was too anxious to look at them on the off chance they knew he was faking everything. 

Unfortunately, he was a good teacher, and the girl smoked the joint in a way that told Lucas she’d only been pretending it was her first time. He couldn’t really blame her, he’d done a great many things to catch Kes’ attention in the past, many of which he wasn’t very proud of. He could tell she’d been hoping he’d shotgun with her, but he needed to get way more drunk before he decided to do that.

“My name’s Sofie,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes at him. Or maybe she was just blinking, he really didn’t know. 

“Lucas,” he said, holding out his hand, even though she already knew that. 

She clasped his hand lightly, pulling him closer. “Well, Lucas, how about that incentive?” 

For the record, he knew what the “incentive” was before she even leaned in. But whatever, she was pretty, she seemed nice, and all of his friends were staring right at him. What was he supposed to do? Say “No thanks, actually, I think I’m into guys”? Yeah, right.

It wasn’t a bad kiss, as far as kisses went. He put his hands on her waist as she wrapped her arms around his neck, because girls liked that or whatever. He felt a pat on the back and broke away a moment to see Sander, Jayden, and Kes leaving the bathroom. Sander plucked the joint from behind Lucas’ ear and saluted him, Jayden whistling as he passed by. 

As soon as they were gone and Lucas was alone with Sofie, he dropped his performance for the most part. He was sure she could sense a shift, because she frowned almost immediately. “What’s wrong?” 

He forced another smile and shook his head, trying to clear his mind. “Nothing, nothing,” he assured her, even though the true answer was more like everything, everything. 

That seemed to satisfy her, though, because she leaned back in and he obliged her, kissing her the way he wanted to be kissed by someone he actually liked. There were no fireworks, no spark, but he’d long given up on finding that with anybody. If he had to coast through life like this, so be it, it was what he deserved for the shit he’d done, particularly to Isa and Kes. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” she asked breathlessly, bright blue eyes shining even in the dim light of the bathroom. 

“Um, sure,” he responded, completely unenthusiastically, but she didn’t seem to care. Hopefully there would be some sort of distraction upstairs that could come between the two of them. 

He held her hand lazily, guiding her out of the bathroom and back upstairs where the party was still in full swing. He nearly ran directly into Engel, who had a concerned look on her face. 

“Lucas! Have you seen Isa?” she asked hurriedly, looking over his head as she spoke. 

Sofie gripped his hand tighter and he almost laughed. Yeah, she should definitely have been worried about Engel stealing him away. “Isa? No, not for a while…” he answered, realizing she’d asked a question. “Why?”

Engel bit her lip and looked back towards the door. “The police are here, there was a noise complaint or something.”

He had hoped for a distraction, and this would have to do. 

“Shit,” he said, more worriedly than necessary. He dropped Sofie’s hand. “I’ll go ask Kes if he’s seen her.” He was going to do nothing of the sort, but neither Sofie nor Engel needed to know that. 

“Thank you so much, I don’t want to talk to them because I’m a little tipsy and…” Engel was still talking, but Lucas stopped paying attention. While Sofie’s attention was on Engel, trying to console her, Lucas slipped away, maneuvering around the house and all the people in it until he made his way to Isa’s bedroom, thankfully vacant, and slipped out through her window.

He honestly couldn’t believe that had worked as well as it had. 

“Excuse me?” a voice said behind him.

Or maybe not. 

He turned slowly, trying to look like he was definitely not a little bit drunk and high. It was probably a failed attempt, but at least he tried. 

“How old are you?” the officer asked, looking him up and down. 

“Seventeen,” he answered automatically, because it wasn’t a crime to have a drink at that age. The weed was another issue, and he prayed she didn’t smell it on him. 

She narrowed her eyes, as he’d expected. “If you’re seventeen why did you sneak out the window instead of the front door like everyone else?”

He shrugged. “I wasn’t sneaking, it was just less crowded, and I was already in the room with the window.”

“Mhmm,” she hummed, clearly unconvinced, “And what’s your name?”

“Ralph,” he said, the first name that came to his head, “Ralph Hansen.”

“Ralph Hansen,” she repeated, and he nodded. She looked him up and down again. “Wait here.”

As she turned to walk away, Lucas weighed his options. One, he could try to run for it, though he didn’t know how far he’d get. Two, he could wait there for her, which was probably the stupidest option. Three, he could— 

Lucas gasped for breath as the wind was nearly knocked out of him and he suddenly realized he’d been picked up like a rag doll and thrown over someone’s shoulder, someone who was running. He lifted his head and saw Kes and Jayden running and laughing to his right, so he could only assume Sander had picked him up. 

He coughed, trying to regain his breath. “Sander? You can let me down.”

“You’re oddly light,” was all Sander said in response, keeping him slung over his shoulder. It was only when they were far enough away that none of the police would look for them that Sander finally let him down. 

“Thanks,” he said, out of breath even though he hadn’t been the one running. “I owe you one.”

“I’ll take payment in the form of Shakespearean sonnets,” Sander said. 

“Um, ok,” Lucas agreed, because what else could he say? 

“Try saying that ten times fast,” Jayden was saying to Kes, doubled over to catch his breath, “Shakespearean sonnets, Shakespearean sonnets, shapekeriskan smomnets, shakira in a prom dress, asthma and a rhombus…”

Kes started laughing again, which made Lucas laugh, and suddenly all four of them were clutching their lungs, laughing so hard tears fell from their eyes. Maybe the night hadn’t gone exactly how he’d hoped, but at least it ended with him laughing with his best friends, not in the arms of some girl he could never love the way she probably deserved. 

Kes threw his arm around Lucas’ shoulders and the four of them started to stumble their way to the bus stop, moon guiding them overhead. It had been quite the night. 

- now playing: 8teen by khalid -

ZONDAG 10:22 - You got home late last night.

There was no hangover when Lucas awoke, which was always a good sign. He hadn’t drank that much the night before, but he never knew when a decent sized hangover would strike. There wasn’t much reason for him to get out of bed, so he stayed there, light falling in waves across his face from the half closed curtains over his bedroom window.

It was moments like this, in complete solitude, with the sunshine streaming in and the bare white walls of his room fresh and clean, that he didn’t mind being in his home. Most times, though, he hated it here, wished he was anywhere else. Guilt roiled around in his stomach every time he had that thought, but he couldn’t deny it was true. 

Maybe if his dad wasn’t the way he was and his mom wasn’t as absent as she was, things would be different. But they weren’t, so he suffered in silence. 

Sometimes it hurt, physically, to know that his mom was hurting so deeply inside and he couldn’t do anything about it. She was bipolar, but she didn’t have episodes very often anymore and when they did come he knew what to do, so that wasn’t even an issue really, there was more to her absence than that. It was like she stopped wanting to care, or try, but it wasn’t a depressive episode. There came a point earlier that year when she stopped greeting him after school, then stopped talking to him altogether. At first he’d been petrified he’d done something wrong, or that she found out the secret he was hiding, but later he started to think maybe his dad had something to do with it. 

He’d left the two of them during Lucas’ mother’s last manic episode, but he still came around often enough to leave an air of tension over their household at all times. He’d never known how to respond to Lucas’ mother’s episodes, and he wasn’t the most tolerant person in the world, so Lucas wondered if maybe his mother had just heard how useless she was so many times that she’d started to believe it. He himself had heard all sorts of things from his father over the years, but now he was better at blocking them out. 

He opened his phone to find a bunch of messages from his group chat with the boys and rubbed his eyes as he started to read them.

Kes: sander, you still have the weed right?

Sander: yeah, why?

Kes: cops found some at isa’s and she thinks it’s mine x_x

Jayden: lmaoo bro 

Sander: yikes, well you can tell her it’s not ours for sure

Kes: sweet thanks 

Jayden: why isn’t luc responding? luuuuuuuc

Kes: he’s probably still asleep

Sander: it’s half past ten?

Kes: not all of us wake up at 5 am for no reason 

Sander: i detect shade

Kes: you would be: correct

Sander: 🖕🏾🖕🏾

Kes: :)

Jayden: shut up guys i wanna know about lucas and the girl he pulled last night 👀

Sander: he didn’t pull a girl, we pulled him away from the cops

Jayden: you know what i mean

Jayden: are you still talking to her luc?

Lucas didn’t know why he’d expected anything different. He hadn’t been talking to Sofie, but, as he exited out of his texts and moved to Instagram, he did see he had a new dm request. The username was sof_heide, which could really only be one person, but he played dumb and clicked on the user’s profile just to be sure

He groaned, he would deal with her later, but if he put off dealing with his friends, they would just get more persistent. 

Lucas: morning

Jayden: there he is! 

Kes: details…?

Sander: ^^

Lucas: there’s not much to tell. after you guys left we made out a little bit more and we were gonna go bad to her place, but then the cops showed up and we got separated

Kes: sorry dude :/

Lucas: it’s not a big deal, she’s not the only girl in the world

Kes: too true ;)))

Lucas: anyway, i gotta go, my mom needs me. see you losers at school tomorrow 

Kes: 😘😘

Jayden: i miss you already 😪

Sander: you guys are so weird

Sander: but i’ll miss you too 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Lucas rolled his eyes and shut off his phone, tossing it onto the opposite side of his bed. Some day. Some day he wouldn’t continually lie to his friends about his life. Today was not that day, but he promised himself it would be soon. 

- now playing: idle town by conan gray -

By the time Lucas made his way into his kitchen for breakfast, his mom was already sitting there, staring out the window with a cup of coffee in her hand. He poured himself some cereal and sat across from her, shooting her a small smile that she didn’t return. 

“Morning,” he said.

She looked at him, finally. “You got home late last night.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, ducking his head. 

“I’m not mad, I was just stating a fact.”

“Ok.” He didn’t know what else to say. That’s how it always was these days. His mom didn’t seem to want to be his mom anymore, she just existed to acknowledge his existence every once and awhile, make vague comments, and drink her coffee. He knew it wasn’t her disorder talking either, because he’d lived with her almost eighteen years and knew more about her than he knew about anyone else. This detachment, it was new to them both. 

“I saved the new season of Stranger Things,” he said, even though he’d watched it already with Kes ages ago. “We could have a lazy day and watch it together?”

His mother looked him up and down. “Don’t you have homework?”

“It’s the beginning of the year, I don’t have much yet,” Lucas explained. He’d already finished most of it anyway, schoolwork came easily to him. 

She hummed, looking towards the window once again. Lucas followed her gaze, resting on a bird eating out of one of the bird feeders out in their yard. “I have some things to do. You can go ahead and watch by yourself.”

“Ok,” he said softly, turning his attention back to his cereal. It tasted stale and dry, which was fitting. His whole life was stale and dry, and even though he was aware of this, everyday he hoped for something different. It hadn’t happened yet, but he didn’t know when was appropriate to give up hope. Maybe he should have already. 

He and his mother sat the rest of the time he ate in silence, and she didn’t look back at him once, even though he watched her nearly the entire time. Sometimes he wished he could be like Liv or Jayden and just live with a couple roommates instead of dealing with everything going on at home. But he would miss his mother too much, even if she was pretty mentally and emotionally absent as of late. 

There was really no winning, but when had Lucas ever won a decent hand at anything in life.

MAANDAG 13:17 - Here’s to the culture club!

- now playing: wild by troye sivan -

Lucas was eating his lunch, ignoring his friends, which was pretty common as of late. He didn’t want to talk about girls, and he definitely didn’t want to talk about Sofie, so it was better if he just pretended to listen to the point that the three others forgot he was even there.

He let his gaze wander around the room and at snagged on a boy standing at the other end of the room talking to someone. Lucas had never seen him before, was he new? He was… Lucas didn’t have a word other than beautiful. He didn’t look like the kind of person who belonged in high school, he looked like the type of person who belonged on magazine covers and film screens. Lucas found himself smiling as the boy smiled at whoever he was talking to, and wishing he could have been the one to make him smile. 

“Hello!” 

Lucas was jolted out of his daze by Engel standing in front of their table. He saw Kes and Jayden exchange glances, while Sander grinned up at her. “Hello!” he said, with the same amount of enthusiasm. 

Engel smiled wider. “How are you guys? Good Monday?”

“As good as Mondays can get,” Kes offered, looking around her. Lucas was sure he was looking for Isa, not that he’d ever admit it. 

“I have a proposition,” Engel said, still smiling softly in a way that seemed to come naturally to her. Lucas actually liked Engel and the other girls a lot, but he knew that his friends thought Engel could be a bit much sometimes. 

“We’re listening,” Jayden said seriously, and Sander shoved him in the side. 

Engel continued, unperturbed. “We— and by we I mean me, Isa, Liv, and Janna— are starting a culture club! Our experiences in Tallinn were so enriching, and we wanted to create an opportunity for others to experience something like that, so we created the culture club! We’ll do fundraisers throughout the year, and at the end of the year the whole club will go on a trip to the culturally enriching destination of our choosing!”

As far as clubs and ideas went, this wasn’t the worst one he’d ever heard. Honestly, even if it was, Engel probably already knew they would all say yes to her anyway. If they’d been at her sad excuse for a Tallinn fundraiser, they would be there for this too. Plus, getting a vacation out of it was an upside. 

She looked at them eagerly, awaiting their reactions, not even noticing when Isa, Liv, and Janna joined her. Isa was glaring at Kes, which probably meant that she didn’t believe him when he said the weed the cops found wasn’t his. 

“We’ll be there,” Kes said, looking pointedly away from Isa. 

Engel smiled wider, looking at her friends smugly. “Awesome!”

“It starts at 18h. Please try not to be late,” Liv added, looking at Jayden specifically. 

“Anything for you Livvie,” he teased, blowing her a kiss. Liv flipped him off as Isa laughed beside her, placing her head on Liv’s shoulder. Sometimes Lucas wished he was Liv and Ralph’s roommate instead of Jayden. Ok, a lot of times.

“18h,” Isa reminded them, pointing at each of them in turn, “If you’re late we’ll…” She paused, trying to think of some punishment. 

“We’ll guillotine you,” Janna offered.

“We’ll guillotine you!” Isa finished, then looked up at Janna in shock. “Wait, no, what the fuck? Where did that come from?” 

Janna wiggled her eyebrows and the two of them busted out laughing. Engel looked like she both wanted to smack the two of them and join their laughter. 

“Seeing as I’m in the business of avoiding the guillotine, I promise I’ll be there on time,” Sander said, grinning at Isa brightly. Lucas glanced over at Kes to see how he was reacting, but he wasn’t paying attention to Sander. Lucas prayed to god Sander didn’t have a thing for Isa, because he really couldn’t deal with any more Isa and Kes and other people's drama. He had enough to deal with already. 

“Thank you,” Isa said, giving him a nod. 

“I’ll be there on time as well,” Lucas felt the need to add, realizing just then that they were the first words he’d said the entire time they’d been at lunch. No one else seemed to notice though, thankfully. 

“If Luc’s there, I’m there,” Kes said with a grin, fist bumping Lucas over Sander’s head. 

“If all my friends are there, I’m there,” Jayden joked, earning him not a fist bump, but a light shove. 

“Will there be snacks?” Sander called out, but the girls were already walking away, moving onto the next group of people they could invite to join their club. Lucas tried to look for the boy he’d seen earlier, but he was gone. Maybe he’d never been there at all and Lucas’ brain had just been so bored it had conjured up the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen. 

Whatever the case, Lucas tried to tune back into the conversation, pasting a smile on his face and pretending that his mind wasn’t elsewhere. 

“Here’s to the culture club!” he heard one of them exclaim, and sighed. Vive la culture club and all that!

WOENSDAG 9:39 - I think the word you’re looking for is egotistical.

He’d really hoped that this year he’d get a biology teacher who knew what a bra was. The last time he’d pointed this out to Kes, Kes had just said that ‘wasn’t very women’s rights of him’, so he hadn’t said anything since. Not that he didn’t support women’s rights, obviously he did, but he didn’t really want to see his fifty something year old teacher’s nipples during science class. 

Physics was one of his favorite classes regardless, he’d always much preferred science to literature or history. Most everything in science was absolute, and he appreciated that. Even if things weren’t absolute, there was always a theory to test, an experiment to try. There were answers, more often than not, answers that didn’t lie in symbolism and bullshit. 

What was a better way to distract from personal things he couldn’t control than to focus on the things he could? He could get good grades if he studied and worked hard enough and he could have fun nights out with friends if he didn’t overthink every invitation. When everything felt out of control he liked to think about the future, about all the things he’d do when he wasn’t the mess of a seventeen year old boy. 

Like being out and proud, going on dates with boys or hooking up with a person he was actually attracted to, not one he thought would impress his friends. He’d tried to hook up with a few guys in secret through Grindr, but he’d always been scared to go all the way with people he knew didn’t actually care about him in the way he craved. Late at night he’d let himself fantasize about finding a boy he liked, who actually liked him back. It went without saying that those fantasies stayed fantasies.

He was so zoned out staring that he didn’t register when Isa sat beside him until she cleared her throat. 

“Hi?” He hated himself for being so awkward around her, especially when she’d gone out of her way to make sure he knew she forgave him. 

“Hello,” she said, adding nothing else. 

He looked around the room. “Not that I’m mad you’re sitting by me or anything, but why?”

She usually sat with Janna at the front of the class, and he usually sat with Jayden. Jayden was a terrible lab partner, but at least he didn’t have to be partnered with someone random. 

“Kes told you about the weed?” she asked without further preamble. Ah, so that’s what this was about. 

“Ies, I swear it wasn’t us—” he began, but she cut him off.

“That’s what Kes said too.”

He sighed. “Well then you should believe us. You can ask Jayden and Sander too.”

She considered him carefully, narrowing her eyes. “I believe you,” she decided. 

“Thank you. Then…?” He gestured, wondering what else she needed. 

“I need you guys to actually show up to Engel’s meeting.”

Lucas smirked at her. “I thought the four of you came up with the idea together?”

Isa laughed, leaning back in her chair. “Please. You know very well that Janna and I were hungover, Liv was distracted by Noah, and we all agreed because none of us were really listening. That doesn’t mean we don’t care or anything though.”

“Of course not,” he agreed, raising one eyebrow, and she shoved his shoulder.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.” They smiled at each other and it was like everything was back to how it was a year ago. Lucas really had missed hanging out just the two of them. 

“Perfect!” their teacher said, and both of them shot their heads to where she stood in front of them. “Lucas, Isa, you can be partners then.”

Isa looked like she was about to argue, then glanced at where Janna and Jayden were bent over in hysterics over god knew what. “Ok,” she said, which surprised Lucas to the point that he didn’t argue either. 

When the teacher handed out their worksheets, Isa just shrugged and nodded to their friends. “I figure with you I’ll actually get some work done.” 

“You figure correctly,” Lucas confirmed, pulling his worksheet within readable distance. “Oh, this is easy, it’s just on Newton’s laws of motion.” 

“Right…” Isa trailed off, looking at her worksheet like it was a foreign language. Lucas grinned and folded his arms on top of the table. 

“I forgot how shitty at science you are.”

She glared at him. “Shut up! There’s got to be a subject you’re not great at.”

“Nope, I’m perfect.”

“Now that’s definitely not true. Maybe you need to brush up on your vocabulary, I think the word you’re looking for is egotistical,” she countered, placing her head in one hand and grinning sarcastically at him.

“You’re a menace, Keijser,” he said, mostly because he meant it. She was a menace, but one he would happily endure. 

She scoffed, then looked at him pointedly. “Right back at you, VDH.”

“VDH?” he raised his eyebrows. 

“Van der Heijden takes so much effort,” she complained. 

Now it was his turn to scoff at her. “It’s a pretty standard surname.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not way too much effort to say out loud.”

He stuck his tongue out at her, and she returned the gesture. They were children, is what they were, but they were still doing better than Jayden and Janna, from the looks of it. Those two were an unlikely pairing, but one that made sense at the same time. The things they’d get up to if they became friends… Lucas didn’t even want to know. 

He turned his attention back to Isa. “I fear we’ve created a monster.”

She tore her gaze from their friends and nodded soberly. “I was thinking the same thing.”

A small grin, the quirk of a lip, and then they were laughing like they used to before it all went to hell. Maybe hell was relative, after all. Lucas hoped so.  

- now playing: maybe by half alive -  

VRIJDAG 18:00 - You’re new, right?

- now playing: true affection by the blow -

The music was turned up loud enough in Lucas’ headphones that he could ignore everything else going on around him, just the way he liked it. He was wondering what the odds were that he was the only one of his friends to show up, but then he figured Kes would probably be there no matter what. Jayden probably would be too, now that him and Janna were best friends or whatever. Isa and Lucas had been very thrown off by this development, even though they were technically responsible for it. 

Lucas walked into the room at on the dot, surprised to see Jayden, Sander, and Kes already seated. He was usually the earliest of them all. At least he wasn’t late, it seemed no one had come yet except for the girls and the boys. Isa gave Lucas a wide grin and a thumbs up when he walked in, and he smiled in return, taking a seat beside Kes.

“Why was Isa so happy to see you? I just got a nod,” Kes complained, leaning back in his chair. 

Lucas shrugged. “I let her copy my physics worksheet earlier this week.”

“Ah, that’ll do it,” Kes agreed, interrupted by the arrival of a few others. Lucas watched them all walk in and silently swore to himself when he saw Sofie accompanied by a few friends. Her eyes lit up when she saw him and she beelined towards the four of them. 

“Hey, Lucas,” she said, smiling shyly. 

He forced a smile of his own. “Hi.”

“Did you, um, see my message?” she asked, biting her lip. Her friends giggled around her and Lucas died a few times internally. 

He decided to play dumb, so thankful he hadn’t accepted or acknowledged her message request. “Um, no?” he furrowed his brows for believability’s sake. 

“On Instagram?” she clarified, smile dimming. 

He shrugged apologetically, sensing his friends eyes on him and knowing exactly what they were thinking. “I’ll check later, my phone’s dead right now,” he promised, and her smile sprang back into place. 

“Great,” she said, “Um, I’ll leave you guys be now, then. Talk to you later.”

As she walked away Lucas finally relented and looked at his flabbergasted friends.

“Dude!” Sander said, blinking in disbelief. “A girl that hot messages you and you don’t ‘see’ it?”

“I didn’t see it!”

Sander rolled his eyes, clearly not believing him. “I don’t get you, man. You nearly go all the way with her the other night and then pretend like you don’t know her a week later? Don’t string her along if you’re not interested, but if you are, go for it.”

“This is literally the second time I’ve talked to her! I’m not stringing her along, I barely even know her,” Lucas argued, voice a hushed but somewhat irritated whisper. 

“I’m just saying.” Sander looked at him pointedly, and Lucas rolled his eyes, facing the front of the room. Once he did so he was stunned in his seat. He blinked a few times to make sure what he was seeing wasn’t a trick. 

It was the boy from the other day, standing in the front of the room talking to Engel. Lucas couldn’t make out what they were saying, but when he smiled that same smile from the cafeteria Lucas nearly combusted on the spot. He was in trouble all right. 

The boy turned then, and Lucas didn’t have time to look away, causing their eyes to meet for a brief second. Maybe it was just him, but he swore a light sparked in the other boy’s eyes. But then he looked away again, returning his attention to Engel before making his way over to the seats and sitting a row behind Lucas and his friends. 

Lucas refused to turn around, even though he wanted to more than anything. He thought of how embarrassing it would be to be caught staring, and kept his eyes forward.

“Welcome to the culture club, everybody!” Engel said, and Lucas focused closely on her words to keep his mind off the boy behind him. 

“I’m Engel,” she continued, “And this is Liv, Isa, and Janna. We started this club because we all went to Tallinn at the end of last school year, and the experience was so enriching for all of us that we wanted to share the opportunity to do something like that again with others! Um, we’ll be putting together fundraisers throughout the year to save up for our new trip, and every week we can focus on a different culture to learn about and make food from that culture…” Engel’s voice was a bit shaky, and she looked at Liv gratefully when she put a hand on her shoulder. Lucas wondered how many times she would say ‘enriching’ over the course of the meeting. 

Jayden raised his hand, and Engel nodded to him with a smile. “Where are we going for our ‘cultural trip’?” 

“Oh… um, that’s a good question!” Engel laughed nervously, and Liv took over. 

“We’ll vote on it at our last meeting before the holidays, that way we have enough time to consider our options and enough time to plan all the details,” she explained. 

Engel nodded gratefully. “Exactly! Since this is our first meeting, I figured we’d separate into small groups and exchange stories of what cultures we come from, and then we can share as a group!”

Lucas discreetly checked the time on his phone. Not that he had anywhere to be, but he did want to get home and make dinner for himself and his mother, just in case she forgot to eat again. He should call her just to make sure she knew why he was going to be home late. By the time he looked back up, Kes, Jayden, and Sander were already in the middle of a conversation. About girls, not culture, but whatever. 

“Hey, I need to call my mom really quick, so I’m going to dip out for a second,” Lucas said to Kes, standing from his chair. Thankfully Engel wasn’t paying attention, and at Kes’ nod Lucas was able to slip out of the room undetected. 

He went to the bathroom for privacy and typed in his mom’s number, pacing around while he waited for her to pick up. The phone rang, and rang, and rang, and Lucas was finally forced to give up, swearing and tossing his phone to the ground, probably not the best idea. He was so caught up in his frustration that he didn’t realize someone else had entered until they spoke. 

“You look like you could use a joint.” Lucas scooped up his phone (thankfully unbroken), face red with embarrassment. Then he looked at the intruder and blushed further. It was him.

“Sorry, I was just— it doesn’t matter,” Lucas tried to explain, rubbing the back of his neck. 

The boy smiled, not the same way he had earlier, this one was a subtle uptick of the corner of his mouth, and pulled a joint from behind his ear, holding it up to Lucas. “Is that a yes, then?”

Lucas found himself smiling as well in the same sort of half serious half teasing manner. “Do you do this often? Go around handing out joints to strangers?”

“‘You see I usually find myself among strangers because I drift here and there trying to forget the sad things that happened to me,’” the boy said, raising one eyebrow. 

“Um…” How did he respond to that. 

The boy sensed his discomfort and laughed, lighting up the joint right there in the bathroom. “It’s F. Scott Fitzgerald. The Great Gatsby?”

“Oh, yeah.” Lucas had read that one a little while ago, but he definitely didn’t remember it well enough to quote it. “Thought I recognized it.”

“Liar, you did not.”

Apparently he wasn’t as good at bullshitting as he thought. “I have read it,” he promised.

“You should read it again,” the boy suggested, passing the joint after taking a long drag. 

As Lucas raised it to his lips he found it impossible not to stare at the boy’s lips, blushing as he realized this. It wasn’t his fault that this boy had an ethereal look about him, like he came from another world entirely. Lucas wondered if the world he’d come from was better than this one. “I’ve never seen the point in rereading things,” he admitted, and the boy snatched the joint back so fast Lucas didn’t have time to react.

“Your weed privileges have been revoked,” he said with a scandalized expression. 

“Oh, they have, have they?”

“How else are you supposed to truly comprehend a piece of literature, take in all the nuances and details you missed the first time, appreciate the work fully if you only read it once?” the boy gesticulated wildly with his hands as he spoke, looking like Kes when he was on one of his political tirades. 

Lucas thought about it a moment, then shrugged. “I guess I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“Same goes for films,” the boy continued, pointing at Lucas with the joint before taking a quick drag. “If you watch them once how will you understand it to its complete potential? You’re too busy taking in the plot to see the cinematography and how it interacts with the soundstage, or how the actors move about the space, what kind of world has been crafted so masterfully for your entertainment.”

“Because I definitely watch the Fast and the Furious for the stellar cinematography,” Lucas joked, reaching for the joint only to have it pulled out of reach once again. 

“Tell me you did not just say that.”

Lucas shrugged like, so what if I did? “Are you pro or anti Fast and the Furious?”

The boy considered this. “While I can understand the cultural impact of the franchise,” he began, “I just really don’t think it’s something to use as an example when talking about masterful cinema.”

“Do you always speak this eloquently?” Lucas wondered aloud, earning him a raised eyebrow and weed privileges. 

“It’s the writer in me, I suppose,” the boy answered, accompanied by a shrug. 

“Writer, huh?”

Another shrug. “Maybe.”

There was a beat of silence where the two of them just looked at one another. It was comfortable, was silence supposed to feel this comfortable with someone you’ve only just met? “You’re new, right?” Lucas asked when he worked up the nerve to break the silence. 

The boy nodded. “What gave it away?”

“The fact that I’ve gone to school with everyone else here for years and I’ve never seen you before.” It was partly a lie, but he couldn’t very well say he’d seen him Monday and hadn’t stopped thinking about him since. 

The boy laughed, resting his hands back on the counter. “That’ll do it. Yes, I’m new. I transferred here for my final year.”

Lucas nodded, not saying what he was thinking. It was odd that he’d transfer in his final year, but not unheard of, Lucas supposed. “Well, I’m glad you’re here,” he said before he could stop himself. 

“Oh, yeah?” the boy grinned that beautifully bright grin, and Lucas found himself nodding again.

“Yeah.”

The door banged open and Liv walked in, looking back and forth between the two of them in surprise. 

“Liv?” She looked at him. “You know this is the men’s bathroom?”

She crossed her arms, looking at him pointedly. “You know you’re not allowed to smoke on school grounds?”

“Sorry, that was my fault,” the boy cut in, extinguishing what was left of the joint and smiling at her apologetically. Liv narrowed her eyes at him, but accepted his apology with a shrug.

“You’re just lucky I found you, not Engel,” she said, and Lucas cracked a smile, silently agreeing with her. Her face turned apprehensive. “The meeting wasn’t horrible, right?”

“Not at all. It was great,” Lucas lied. In truth, he hadn’t spent much time at the actual meeting, though it had run a bit boring while he was there. 

The boy nodded along with him. “Such a good idea,” he added. 

Liv turned her attention back to him and placed a hand to her temple, shutting her eyes and grimacing. “I’m so sorry, I haven’t properly introduced myself. I’m Liv.”

She held out her hand and the boy took it, smiling sincerely. “Kaz,” he responded, eyes meeting Lucas’ for a brief moment as if he was speaking directly to him. Kaz. It fit him perfectly, a name that seemed a bit harsh and cacophonic on the outside, but was really quite beautiful at the same time.  

“Well, it’s great to meet you Kaz. I’ll see you around? Preferably at the next meeting?” she asked hopefully, and Kaz laughed. 

“I’ll be there,” he promised, looking at Lucas. 

“I’ll be there too,” Lucas found himself saying, ignoring Liv completely. 

Kaz. Lucas really wanted to know him, and he got the feeling that Kaz wanted to know him too. 

- now playing: boys by charli xcx -

+ meet kaz

[social-holland]

Ugly Christmas Sweater Party| H.O

Summary: It’s Haz and yours annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party but this year maybe you get to finally tell him about your crush on him.

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: fluff, fluff and bestfriend! Harrison

A/N: This is for @hazsterfield writing challenge! Congrats on 500 follower again and I hope you enjoy it. My prompt was:“This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.”

“This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.” You explained to Harrison as you mixed the cookie dough together. The brownish blond man furrowed his eyebrows at you.

“What are you talking about, love? You know I’m an excellent cook.” He tried to reason with you. Trying to get the bowl out of your hands before you turned around with a teasing smile.

“Pancakes don’t count.” He huffed over your words before continuing to watch you prepare more the countless sweets.

His eyes always following you.

Every year you two would through your annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. It was a tradition between the two of you ever since you were ten years old. Before expanding the idea with in your teenage years and invite friends together with, how could it be else, lots of buss. In your friendship cycle it was basically the party of the year.

Not as wild as when you guys were sixteen/ seventeen but still an amazing way to get everyone together at least once in a year.

When you finished preparing the baked goods and placed them, you turned around to the div of your best friend.

He leaned against the counter, watching you weirdly. A smile gracing his lips. His eyes shining a little bit. You shook your head. Probably only the light reflecting in it.

You swear this boy made you crazy. Being friends for a long as you two have been, you couldn’t help yourself and developed a crush on him. Not a lot of people knew about. Only your other best friend Tom.

He tried to encourage often to tell Haz but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Nothing could prepare yourself for losing Haz as a friend if he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. So, the overused sentences better friends than nothing came into your mind. This is so freaking cliché and you knew it.

You groaned over your thoughts. Not able to hold back and nearly forgetting that Haz stood close.

He once again raised his eyes at you. “You ok, love?”

Feeling yourself heating up, you turned around and mumbling a simple,” Fine.”

He laughed a little. Hugging you from behind and nuzzling his face in your hair. As if he wanted to drive you even more insane.

“I know why you’re groaning.” He mumbled. You made a wary face, pressing your lips together for a moment.

“A why should that be?” You asked. Your hands on his arms that were slung around your shoulders.

“Because you know that you suck as much as I at baking.” You could hear him smiling in his smile. A laugh escaping you.

“You wish, Osterfield.” You dared him while turning around and slightly pushing against him to free yourself.

He laughed over your actions, taking your hands and pressing himself against you again. Dipping his hand in the flour next to him and starting to spill all over you.

Squealing over his actions, you do the same and whole fight breaks out. Running around the kitchen and throwing various things at each other. At one point you even spring on Haz back just to cover him in icing.

And being a giggling mess over it. When you two are done, Harrison surrendering of course, you two watch each other. Suddenly having to hold onto the other one and laughing even more over how ridiculous both of you looked.

You whole face was basically flour, a lot as well stuck in your hair. While Harrison had hand prints of you everywhere as well as a bunch in his hair and icing on his face.

When you finally calmed down, you continue to prepare foods and drinks while cleaning up.

When there was nothing left to prepare, at least in Haz’s mind, he went to shower. You finished of the task. Nearly burning the food because your mind going to Haz in the shower.

You shake your head over your own thoughts. This was never a good idea.

A little later he appears again. Dressed in jeans and a black Batman sweater. The same you two had shopped for a few weeks prior. Knowing that you had the fitting Batwoman upstairs in your bag.

A rough half an hour left before everyone would appear, you took your chance and went to shower. Preparing your hair and make-up after slipping in your short black dress and putting the Batwoman sweater over it.

You were pretty pleased with your look to say the least. Not something for everyday but hey, this is a party.

A lot of people had already arrived when you came out of your room.

Tom standing with a beer in his hands in the kitchen. He smiled and gave you a hug.

“Today is the day.” He whispered euphoric in your ear, his words already a little slurred. Typical Tom.

You lightly slapped his shoulders over his attempted tries to get you and his best mate together. Standard Tom thing ever since he found out about your crush.

“Stop Tom.” You whispered.

“Stop Tom, what?” Haz appeared behind you. One arm over your shoulder, watching Tom and you. A flush going through you.

“You know her. Always bashing my sweaters.” Tom saved you. You looked at his bright red hoodie. A spider on it, no doubt a Spiderman merchandise.

“Because every year, you wear Spiderman.” You complained, not being able to look away from the bright red thing. If the reason was actually Toms sweater or because you couldn’t look at Haz, who still had his arm around you, in the eyes was another thing.

“You always were a Batwoman sweater together with your boyfriend.” Tom complained in his state. Your body freezing over his words and your eyes widened. You missed Haz similar reaction.

“Y/N!” Jacob called, and you took the chance and excused yourself to catch up with him. While doing so, you could see how Tom and Haz seemed to argue over something.

Once in a while looking over to you. You would lie if you say that it didn’t make you uncomfortable.

Haz glanced even more over as it got later at night. You had tried to avoid him a little bit after the comment. Standing with Z and the girls together and talking.

At least until the brown-haired Brit made his way over to you. A teasing smile on his lips. He stopped in front of you, no saying anything for a while. Just watching each other before breaking in an awkward laugh.

Haz rubbing his neck and looking a bit unsure while you looked at your feet. Somehow this broke the ice and both of you fell in an unimportant conversation.

Getting closer and closer as more both of you drank and the hour dragged on. Huge smiles were placed on your faces and you felt good. Like floating on a pretty cloud. Having a beer in one hand and playing with Harrisons hand in your other.

It was just the two of you. A huge party but still it Harrison seemed to be the only one important. Your conversation died down for a moment and Haz acted on it.

He took the beer out of your hands and placed it next to his on the table before taking your hand once again and walking over to where a few other people were dancing.

Dance to this by Troye Sivan and Ariana Grande was playing. One of your favourite songs because Haz and you were so used dancing to it. When it was released you did that all the time, never getting enough of it. Of each other.

The lights were dimmed. Haz hand never left yours and he swirled you around. Being so close to him, you could smell him.

We can just dance to this

Don't take much to start me

We can just dance to this

Push up on my body, yeah

You know we've already seen all of the parties

We can just dance to this

 You felt intoxicated by him. A for once it was not to blame on the alcohol. His hands were now placed on your hands, moving in sync with each other. Like you two were used to all the times.

But something was different this time. You felt different. Closer to him than ever before.

You shut your eyes for a moment when Haz leaned his forehead against yours.

And out of nowhere you felt his lips on yours. A sweet taste and you pressed yours against him. Moving with each other while the song continued to play.

This truly felt like a dream.

I don't wanna sleep tonight-night-night-night-night

I just wanna take that ride

I don't wanna sleep tonight-night-night-night-night

I just wanna take that ride (We can just dance to this)

I don't wanna sleep tonight-night-night-night-night

I just wanna take that ride

I don't wanna sleep tonight-night-night-night-night

I just wanna take that ride

We can just dance to this

I don't wanna sleep tonight-night-night-night-night

Permanent Tag List: @tommyboyholland @tomhollanduniverse @spideytaeh @smexylemony @marvelismylifffe @t-hotland @jetblackshawn

[theprodigypenguin]

Jeith Headcanon Dump

I’ve been scratching down Jeith headcanons on every surface I can find whenever I think of something, and finally got around to compiling them all in one place. It’s pretty long, but I hope you enjoy!

James calls Keith "babe/baby"

Keith calls James "darling/doll"

But only in private. In public they call each other bitch, asshole, or go the polite route (cadet, sir, paladin, whatever)

One time James ironically called Keith “Mister Black Paladin Sir” and got punched for his trouble

James is actually really amazed by the lions, especially the Black Lion

After the war, earth starts making and selling Voltron merch (as Earth do), and James buys every Black Paladin/Black Lion thing he can get his hands on

he has a Black Lion charm hanging in his MFE fighter 

and a poster on the wall of his dorm

and a stuffed toy of the Black Lion

and he may or may not have a Keith body pillow

He tries to stuff everything in the closet to hide it when Keith stops by, but it's too late

he's seen

and he will never live it down ever

Keith: *holding up the body pillow* Hey if you wanted me in bed you could've just asked.

Keith eats his food like a fucking rat

He eats the ice cream from between the ice cream sandwiches and throws the cookie away

eats the cream from between the Oreos and puts the cookie back in the box like an asshole

he always takes apart his sandwiches and hamburgers to eat everything individually

It fucks James up and freaks him out honestly like who the fuck eats like that???

Keith had never had boba tea before and when James first gives him some he almost has an anxiety attack because what the fUCK IS THIS WHY IS THERE A SOLID IN MY LIQUID, JAMES

They love going on rides through the desert with no destination, hood of the car down so Keith can stand up and scream while they're driving and the wind is hitting his face

They can both sing, like, really fucking well

James is more modern while Keith likes country and bluesy music

his drawl comes back with a vengeance when he's singing and it gives James "problems”

James is secretly a Troye Sivan fan and sings "Strawberries and Cigarettes" in Keith's ear to see him blush

James has an obsession with Keith's scars, and is constantly kissing and biting at them, like he's trying to prove a point (or trying to erase the scars with his kisses)

Keith is normally pretty against people touching his scars at all (especially the one on his face), so when he first lets James kiss his cheek, James had a mini gay panic attack as soon as Keith is gone.

James: He let me kiss his cheek!

Rizavi: Calm your gay self down, boy.

Keith in a cadet uniform is nice

Keith in his Paladin armor is nICE

Keith in his usual casual attire is dangerous

Keith in white tshirt, open blue flannel, and ripped jeans is fucking DANGEROUS

And Keith in his sinfully skintight BoM uniform is FATAL

The first time James sees him dressed like that he just tries to cover Keith any way he can, putting a coat around his shoulders with shaky hands and a crimson face

Keith: What are you doing?

James: YOU’RE INDECENT. COVER YOURSELF KOGANE. WE’RE IN PUBLIC.

no one else believes James when he tells people Keith has a southern drawl

James: I'm telling you he's just hiding it! He has a Texas drawl damn it!

Lance: Sure he does. I spent like years in space with him, never heard him say "ya'll" even once.

Keith: *whispers into James’ ear* Well ain’t that a damn southern hill shame, darlin’?

James: *screams*

Keith takes James on dates through the stars all the time

With the Black Lion, space travel through the Milky Way is effortless, and Keith likes seeing the way James' eyes light up when the fly over any of the different planets outside of Earth

James: Keith look, we're on Orion's belt! We're a fashion statement!

Keith: Sure, okay.

James takes a more common route when it comes to dating

Walking day-dates through Plaht City and the alien booths that had been set up

buying knickknacks for each other that neither need but both cherish

purposely staying out too late so James can offer his jacket to Keith like the gentleman he is

Keith likes the simplicity, though

and he likes it when James offers his coat, not that he'll admit it

growing up in the desert, Keith is used to being in intense heat, he can function in 100+ degree weather easily and is at home in muscle shirts and ripped jeans

this also means he can hardly function in any weather that dwindles beneath 70 degrees (hey same)

He goes from sluggish to entirely useless

naturally he seeks out the closest heat source, but also the safest heat source, so he automatically finds himself looking for James

Shiro has known Keith forever, and he was once upon a time subjected to a little teen Keith trying to hide under his shirt because he was cold, so he tries to warn James in order to prepare him

doesn't matter though, nothing can prepare him for when his zombie-fied boyfriend shuffles up to him and lifts his shirt to try and hide under it

James loves him, but he'd really rather not get groped by icicle fingers again, so he takes to wearing a coat at all times

That way when Keith shuffles towards him for warmth he can just open his jacket and close it around the paladin

at first people teased him about it, especially the other MFE pilots, but the glare that Keith peered over at them from the collar of James' coat makes them stop

so people are just used to it now and don't mention it

Keith is starved for touch and attention, but his insecurities make it hard for him to open up to people, so once he and James start to date regularly, he’s always rubbing up against him for affection

James doesn’t get it at first, but once he figures it out he’s always got a hand on Keith somehow, whether it’s petting his hair, patting his shoulder, holding his hand, or anything else, because the touch makes Keith happy

Cadet: So how did you and Keith start dating?

James: Well he punched me really hard when we were kids, and I think he must’ve given me brain damage from it, because I fell in love with him.

Cadet:

Regarding intimacy, they switch all the time, sometimes James tops and sometimes Keith does, but Keith is almost always the little spoon

James likes hugging things in his sleep, and Keith isn’t opposed to the physical contact, so they have an agreement

They don’t really discuss the fact they’re dating, it sort of just happens

One day James looks around and realizes half of the belongings in his dorm room are Keith’s, and that the paladin had basically moved himself in and made himself at home

So he just goes “oh this is a thing now” and continues on with his business

Keith is pretty oblivious to this kind of thing in general, so it takes him longer to realize it

Pidge: Hey Keith are you off to your date with James?

Keith: *dressed casually in clean clothes and even brushed his hair* What, no, we’re just looking around the venders. After that we’re going to get something to eat and maybe stop by to watch a movie in that outdoor auditorium. You know the one, where they play old Earth films to entertain some of the war torn alien refugees?

Pidge: Yea? That’s a date?

Keith:

James isn’t as freaked out about Keith being half Galra as Keith had expected, and even seems eager to learn more (”always knew there was something different about you”)

He is, of course, wary about the other Galra in the Blade of Marmora, going so far as to try and stand in front of Keith protectively when they show up

The action is both endearing and somewhat disappointing, but Keith can’t blame him for being nervous, even scared, around the aliens, after everything their race had done

James gets along with Krolia pretty quickly, but remains somewhat nervous and suspicious of the other Galra

James: You sure they’re not gonna try and... like, hurt you?

Keith: James at this point you should be worried about them hurting you. Have fun gaining their favor to date me.

James:

They both have pretty severe nightmares, but Keith’s are just a bit worse, and effect him more

They sleep with a nightlight because it makes things just a tiny bit easier

They’ve discussed going to individual therapy sessions, but in the end they always decide there’s no one better than each other to talk to

(they never fully toss out therapy as a possibility, though)

Whenever one of them wakes from a bad dream they wake the other up, and they either sit on the bed to discuss it, or if they don’t want to talk, they climb to the roof of the Garrison and see who can name the most constellations

So far it’s a tie, but James knows more single stars than Keith does

Keith is willing and ready to punch the lights out of anyone who dares speak badly of James

James is all too happy to do the same with people who should even dare to mention Keith

He gets into it more than Keith does, because James is considered an honored pilot, while there have always been more dubious opinions of Keith

Made worse by the fact he’s half Galra and the one to kill Sendak (even if they were in a war, there are people who give Keith a wide berth because they’re afraid of him)

It bothers James, but Keith seems to not mind

Keith: People have always treated me like an outsider, it’s not like this is new to me.

That just makes James feel worse

They kissed before ever confessing, and saying I love you was never really something they felt needed to be said out loud

But James says it once spontaneously, notices that it makes Keith blush like a nova, and decides to say it a lot more often just to see Keith flustered

Keith takes a bit longer to get used to saying those words, and the first time he says it, it doesn’t click immediately with James

He’s probably up in the MFE for a test run when it just hits him that his boyfriend said I love you that morning and just screams a little into his comms from shock, scaring the hell out of his team

Rizavi: Why are you screaming?!

James: Keith said he loved me!

Rizavi: Bitch when?!

James: Like eight hours ago!

Rizavi: Then shut the fuck up!

James proposes first, but Keith is such a dense moron he doesn’t realize it, and like a day later he proposes to James, who’s just fucking confused but says okay

So they both propose and they both say yes and neither of them realize it because they’re fucking idiots.

Please feel free to add your own Jeith/Jaith headcanons!

[larriefails]

some of them think niall has it better because he has 'recourse' as in he could sue sony and modest for the damage to his knee. okay but then if niall is so free then why didn't he just leave these 'monsters' when he went solo? surely he would have done that if he's so powerful and sony and modest treat him/them so badly.

It’s not even worth it to try to debunk the whole “Nial has recourse” thing because the thing is that Niall’s career isn’t any different than Harry’s in what Larries want it to be different

*He has female pronouns in his lyrics

*He dated Hailee Steinfeld for a year

*He was asked about Hailee in interviews

*His friends and family interacted with Hailee on social media

*He was papped doing PDA with Hailee

*Industry friends talked about Niall and Hailee

*Both he and Hailee posted and interacted with each other on social media

Niall also followed Harry’s same path of small theaters then bigger venues with his tour. He also released tickets for his tour before the album. Just like Harry did a BBC special, Niall did one with RTE (both are public broadcasters of their respective countries). Niall constantly promotes artists from his same label/management company. Niall is also heavily involved with James Corden and the Late Late Show. He’s financially involved in his own management company (via Modest Golf) just like Harry is with Ohana and the Azoffs. Niall had a cover in Billboard, the magazine Larries bemoan is part of the “HSHQ machinery”, Niall is still close friends with Ben Winston

In fact, Niall did stuff Larries would absolutely blame on “HSHQ” if they were done by Harry. Such as define himself as straight, have a female love interest in his music video, go to the same Grammy after party as his ex. And things that they praise his team for that they would absolutely murder HSHQ for, such as scrapping his entire album and starting from scratch, only having one music video for his numerous singles, hiring too big venues in America that made his boxscores look bad (when in reality the attendance was more than fine), have him do promo all over the world for a single and then not replicating it for his album

But they’ve backed themselves into this corner so Harry’s team can’t possibly be good, so they have to fabricate reasons to hate them. They’re still going on about Meghan Trainor’s PR release. Which is not done by the management company. They constantly say that Full Stop doesn’t have successful clients as if they didn’t handle Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles and Travis Scott, all undeniably successful. As if they hadn’t hooked up Charli XCX as the opening act of Taylor Fucking Swift. As if Troye Sivan hadn’t had the best year of his entire career with them

It’s all ridiculous. Niall having “recourse” because his schedule with the band didn’t allow him to get knee surgery in a timely manner, but Louis having no recourse at all when “his team” forced him to fake a child and a girlfriend while his mother was agonizing is the height of pathetic. He brought Danielle for Christmas less than three weeks after his mother passed away. He forced his sisters to pretend to have a nephew in this context as well, flew an innocent child across the ocean to I guess pretend to spend time with his agonizing mother? If none of that gave him “recourse”, then how in the hell does a delayed knee surgery get it?