#i better not jinx it

[baronessblixen]

I used a prompt from this list today: 10. “It’s alright, I’m here now.”

Diana/IVF angst (with a soft ending): Scully is already upset about a colleague's pregnancy and then Diana shows up and makes things worse. (wc: 1,549)

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2023

Fictober Day 3: The Deepest Cut

Those damn hormones.

Scully wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes, careful not to smudge her carefully applied make-up. It’s one thing to break down in the sanctity of her home. It’s entirely different to have it happen at work. There was no way to prepare herself. One moment she and Mulder were getting lunch and the next, everyone was congratulating Agent Winman on her pregnancy.

She felt Mulder’s hand on her back in the aftermath, a steady reminder that he was there for her. She doesn’t remember what she said to the other agent, but she must have said something. And then there was Diana. Who – even though she hardly knew the other woman – was the loudest and the most cheerful. Who, upon declaring that there’s nothing better than babies, looked straight at Mulder and winked.

Scully excused herself, pressing her untouched lunch into Mulder’s hand. She heard him try to ask if she was okay, but she wasn’t, and she knew she couldn't stay and explain. Because of the hormones. There won’t be a baby growing inside her, but her body is as quick to catch up as her brain. Her doctor told her it would take a while for her hormones to return back to normal. Right now, she’s losing her patience. She shouldn’t have tried. She shouldn’t have hoped. How silly of her. But how could she not have tied, not have hoped? A boy – or girl – with Mulder’s smile and his pouty lips. With a thirst for knowledge, a tender heart, and a stubborn head.

She looks at herself in the mirror, her cheeks rosy and full. And for what? Her dream child disappears and all that’s left is her own face and the tears that threaten to fall again.

“Get a grip,” she says to her reflection, wiping under her eyes. She can’t face Mulder like this. One look at her and he’ll know she cried. And she doesn’t have the strength to explain it to him. To shoulder his grief, too.

The door to the bathroom opens and Scully startles, trying to hide the tissues and every piece of evidence of her breakdown.

“Oh, Agent Scully.” There’s disdain in Diana Fowley’s voice as she says her name. Of all of the people in the Hoover Building, it has to be her. Of all the bathrooms she could have chosen, she walks in here, with a smirk on her face.

“Fox was wondering where you’d gone.”

“Just needed the restroom,” Scully says, turning on the water.

“Hmm. Isn’t it just wonderful news, though?” Scully remains quiet. “Agent Winman,” Diana explains needlessly. She’s just standing here, gloating. She doesn’t need the restroom at all. She must have followed her here. Bile rises in Scully’s throat.

“Wonderful news,” she says, turning away from Diana to dry her hands on a bunch of paper towels.

“You know,” Diana says wistfully, “I never thought I’d want children, but now I’m reconsidering it. All you need is the right man.” Her laugh sounds like a Rottweiler’s bark. “And I think I know who’d be perfect.”

“That’s great,” Scully says, trying to sound disinterested. Don’t say his name, she pleads. Don’t say his name. Just as she lifts her head and her eyes meet Diana’s, the other woman opens her mouth.

“Fox will make a great father, don’t you think?”

Will. Not would. As if she’s sure of it. As if she’s sure that she and Mulder will have children. Scully grabs the countertop and holds on tight. If she doesn’t, she might faint. Her dream child, the one with her nose and Mulder’s mouth disappears and is replaced by another one. That boy has Mulder’s mouth and his smile. Just like she’d always dreamed it. But he has Diana’s eyes, her dark hair, and her nose.

“Agent Scully? Did I say something wrong? You look pale.” Her voice drips with satisfaction.

“No, I’m fine,” she says. “I’m just-”

“You’re sad you can’t give him children, hm?” Scully’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh yes, I know. Everyone knows.” Another laugh. This one cuts even deeper and tears Scully’s insides apart. How does she know? How could she have possibly found out about her and Mulder doing IVF? Unless. No, it can’t be. Mulder wouldn’t have told her. Not this. Not her.

“And you know what, Agent Scully?” Her face is so close that Scully can smell her perfume. The unsubtle, expensive scent tickles her nose and makes her sick. “I can. I can give him children. I can be a mother.” Just as she says this, the door to the bathroom opens and Mulder’s head pops inside.

“There you are. I had a pretty embarrassing run-in with Skinner’s secretary just now. Scully, are you-” for the second time that day, she doesn’t let him finish his question, and runs off. She doesn’t care where she’s going, and she can’t see well. She lets the tears fall freely, not caring anymore.

*

“Hey, don’t run again, okay?” Mulder’s voice is soft and his steps toward her as timid. He looks as if he were trying to catch a scared kitten.

“I won’t,” she promises, trying to keep the tears at bay. It’s no use. The closer Mulder comes, the fast her walls crumble. By the time he puts his arms around her, she’s full-on crying.

“It’s all right,” he whispers into her hair. “I’m here now.” His words and his tenderness make her cry harder. She thinks of that night, of the glimmer of hope in his eyes before she told him that it hadn’t worked. That there wouldn’t be a baby. He held her all night, whispering things to her, trying to share his hope and his beliefs with her. Trying to make her see that once again he wouldn’t give up. That he’d shoot for the moon, try and catch it for her, make that miracle come true after all.

“What happened there?” he asks gently, stroking her hair. And she lets him. They’re at work and anyone could walk in. Diana Fowley could see them like this and report them. The thought makes her shiver which in turn makes Mulder draw her closer, his arms tightening around her.

“Mulder, I can’t-” What Diana said to her returns with a vengeance and she frees herself of Mulder’s embrace. He lets her go, his arms slipping away and hanging by his side as if useless when not holding her. “How did Diana know?” she asks out loud, her thoughts going too fast for her.

“How did Diana know what?”

“That I did IVF. That I can’t have children.” The surprise on Mulder’s face is genuine. He’s taken aback by her question and Scully feels almost guilty that she even suspected he’d say something to her.

“I- I have no idea, Scully. I didn’t tell her.”

“You didn’t.” She has to make sure.

“I swear to you I didn’t. What did she say to you? That got you so worked up.” He comes closer again and she lets him in.

“It doesn’t- it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” he says, searching her face. “She said something that hurt you.”

“She said you’ll make a great father.” Mulder’s eyes narrow in confusion. “She, um, she wants to have children with you.” “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. She hates children. Maybe hate is a strong- no, she hates them. I remember her saying that once. She said she even hated children when she was a child herself.” Scully scoffs; she can see that.

“And hey.” She doesn’t dare look at him, but Mulder wouldn’t be Mulder if he didn’t try everything in his power. He tips up her chin. Her eyes are swimming with tears again – or still – but she sees the love in his eyes, in all of his face. They don’t need to exchange those three little words for her to know them, and to feel them deep inside.

“Even if she didn’t,” Mulder says. “Even if she loved children, even if she wanted a dozen of them… I don’t want any with her. That thought never even crossed my mind. I’ll talk to her and-”

“Don’t,” Scully says. “Please.”

“If that’s what you want.” She nods. “I’ll try to keep my mouth shut. You know how hard that is for me.” He gives her a sweet smile and she chokes out a laugh, too. Her sadness weighs heavily on her, but with Mulder here, it feels a bit lighter.

"I can't believe she'd say that to you. I'm sorry, Scully. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she says in a small voice knowing it's far from okay. She herself is far from okay. “I’m sorry that we-” He shakes his head, still smiling.

“Remember what I said?” As if she could ever forget it.

“Never give up on a miracle,” she repeats quietly, as if afraid to speak it out loud, to tempt fate once again.

“I won’t if you won’t.” He kisses her temple, letting his lips linger. Her eyes flutter close and she soaks in it all in. His words. His love for her. His unbending hope.

It doesn't matter what Diana says or does. She'll never have this. She'll never have Scully's Mulder.

[krussyarts]

Family

[peapeapeapa]

Just like me fr

[fruity-blogs]

GUYS.

GUYS.

I'M NOT DOING OKAY.

THEY REALLY CHANGED THE VINYL DISC INTRO TO EKKO AND POWDER. THIS IS THEIR "WHAT COULD'VE BEEN" 😭💔

[bean-spring]

As somebody who has struggled with mental health all of their life and still does, Jinx's romance with Ekko means the world to me.

I'm sick and tired of people considering mentally ill people just "not interested in love" or, on the other side, "not healthy enough to be loved". Which is utterly stupid. Ekko falling for Powder but clearly showing signs of wanting to learn more about Jinx and on his way to love her too, realizing that her damaged past and issues do change her but she's still his girl. It's brilliant writing.

He can't be a savior to her, because there's nothing to save. There's nothing to fix. The whole message Jayce gives with "there's beauty in imperfections" goes hand in hand with Powder's "sometimes taking a leap forward means leaving a few things behind". Ekko goes from wanting to save her to wanting to see more of her and leaving Powder behind to know about Jinx. With Ekko loving Jinx nevertheless it shows that mentally ill people can be loved. And with Powder reciprocating and Jinx making amends with Ekko (with the romantic context behind already seen) it's breaking the whole stereotype of her being this "insane maniac with no remorse and unable to show love".

So I guess what I want to say is that their relationship would've worked in another universe, but I want to believe it could've worked in this one (with time), too.

[smallpapers]

Why does nobody but you, know a shortcut, a sure shot? I forgot how it ought to feel I don't know what to do It's a whole lot to hold back, you know that Cupid shoots to kill

[dmsr-art]

@excalibur0 im no video editor but i made an attempt:

[cruelcomfort]

[ishasdefender]

Guys - Jinx thought Ekko was dead. She didn’t know he was alive.

So when he came to save her - she thought he was a hallucination just like Silco. She even says the same thing.

To silco when he appears when she’s in prison: “You’re too late.”

To Ekko when he stops her from killing herself: “You’re too late Ekko”

She only realised he was real when she saw him bleeding and when he said “blow us both up.” And when she realised he was actually there, and that setting the bomb off would kill him too, she jumped off the ledge instead.

[arcanegifs]

Here's more comparisons of Arcane Gifs before and after I color and sharpen em!

[chaoticvi]

Chemtrails Over the Country Club by Lana Del Rey

[aq2003]

i feel like some people r missing the tragedy of timebomb somewhat bc i've seen a few ppl say that ekko was only in love with powder in the alt universe and not jinx, and it's like.. first of all they are the same person. they are the same person in different circumstances. but secondly ekko seeing that good universe, i think, instilled in him the belief that fixing the problems in his universe was still possible, that peace between piltover and zaun was still possible, that jinx wasn't doomed or irredeemable. ppl highlight his selflessness in being able to leave the good universe behind, but i think a big part of WHY he left was bc of the hope he had for his world. that's why timebomb is so tragic to me! ekko returned with the drive to make everything right, strengthened by knowing it wasn't some unattainable out-of-reach goal. and he came so so so close but was still a little too late

[francy-sketches]

Bday post I am now a hag by asoiaf standards

[pointlessjey]

Don't like it but posting it anyways

[tucbilo]

This is actually what happened and we got a better ending

[avacadoll]

Had a friend that watches arcane and I was talking to her about the new episodes. When I started talking about how much I love timebomb She said she hated the ship and okay, you can have your own opinions, but she said the only reason she didn't like it was because it was straight. Like WHAT. A SHIP DOESN'T HAVE TO BE QUEER TO BE GOOD (even if that can be the case in some scenarios)