#i believe in you killer you’ve got this buddy

[elizakai]

killer eating a sandwich

DINNER IS SERVED💥

[rainrot4me]

Do You Think About Her?

Summary: Jeff liked to tease Toby about his lack of experience with women. So when coming home from a mission with the two, you decide to tell Jeff off, spurring him into a jealous fit to see how far he can push you both.

Characters: Jeff the Killer & Ticci Toby x Female Reader

SMUT WARNING MINORS DNI

TW: Teasing, Toby is inexperienced, Jeff’s an asshole, fingering, cunnilingus, embarrassment, dub-con, blowjob, fucking in/on a truck, voyeurism, double penetration, vaginal, slight power struggle

Words: 5.0k

Jeff was known to make Toby the brunt of his jokes.

Whenever the twitching boy would stutter too much or laugh a little too hard, Jeff was always quick to jump on his ass and say something. Whether Toby took the remarks seriously or not, the pale killer never let up.

So whenever Toby accidentally let it slip that the farthest he had ever gotten with a girl was a blowjob, the whole mansion groaned with the frequency Jeff brought it up. Whenever he got a chance to embarrass the brunette you best believe he was going to, despite your belief that Toby could easily lay his ass out but just chose not to.

You had been sleeping around with Jeff for a while, the horny killer always willing to show you a good time whenever you asked for it. But that also meant dealing with his obnoxious mouth, and whatever bullshit insults he had conjured that day. So when you got wind of Jeff’s hounding on the boy, your heart ached. You and Toby were about the same age, and your backstories for how you ended up under Slender’s care were more or less the same. Bad home life turned murderous. There was a sense of familiarity in him, so you couldn’t just let your obnoxious fuck buddy run his mouth without you saying something.

“Listen, Jeff.” You groaned, curling your legs under you in the passenger seat of his old truck, heading back to the mansion after a particularly aggravating mission. Jeff eyed you, head propped on his fist as he leaned against the open window, the cool night air wafting in as he drove down the familiar back roads. Toby sat quietly in the back seat, staring out the window as his brown curls swayed in the wind. Slender had assigned the three of you together, apparently unaware of the high tensions between the two boys. It just made completing the mission that much more difficult. “You’ve gotta lay off Toby. The poor kids gonna cut your head off if you don’t quit talking about his dick.” You mumbled, staring at the dense trees flying by. Jeff groaned, sitting back against his seat as he turned a sharp curve, cringing at you. A slow rock song mumbled through the radio, the atmosphere nice besides the sour mood in the truck.

“Ain’t my fault the stutter’s practically a virgin.” He laughed dryly, looking into the rearview mirror and catching Toby’s nasty look at him, neck jerking. You were assigned some bullshit job to take out a couple of guys who vandalized the mansion, how they ever got that close and lived you had no idea. But with Toby bickering with Jeff’s snarky attitude, it was nearly impossible for them to focus. Two hours longer than it should have taken, you were finally headed back to the mansion, praying to get away from the two. 

“Don’t be acting like you weren’t a virgin before I came along.” You huffed, turning to catch Toby snickering lowly, looking back out the window quickly before Jeff could see. Jeff grits his teeth, rolling his eyes as he leans forward, staring daggers at you. “Oh, come on now. You’re talking real big for someone that begs for me to fuck them once a week.” He snarled, reaching his arm across the console and gripping your thigh tightly, glancing between you and the road. Toby was still laughing quietly, amused by the bickering not focused on him for once. But this time Jeff heard him, whipping his wide eyes around quickly to laugh at the boy. “No fucking way the virgin’s laughing!” He hollered, throwing his head back as he laughed annoyingly, just loud enough to prove a point. You slapped his arm, pushing his hand off your thigh as you hissed.

“Jeff.”

He rolled his eyes, glancing between you and the rearview mirror, snarling at Toby. The brunette just stared awkwardly between you two, back pressed flush against the seat as you turned to look back at him, nodding your apology. Toby smiled at you, his cheek twitching at the movement. But as you turned back forward, Jeff’s pale face sat shocked and angry as he glanced between the two of you. You glared at him, but that felt all too much as he faced forward quickly, shoving the wheel to the left and throwing the truck off the road, pulling next to the thick treeline and slamming on the brakes. You yelped, bracing your hands on the dash as he threw the truck in park and shut the engine off, the low rock song still beating through the old speakers. Toby cursed, groaning as he pushed himself off of Jeff’s seat and shook his head.

Before you could berate the pale killer, he was already throwing open his door, jumping out and quickly shoving the back door open as well. You watched as Toby struggled frantically against him, punching his shoulders as Jeff hauled him from the truck and onto the grass below. You yelled, throwing open your door and dodging to the opposite side of the truck. Jeff was already on top of the boy, loud grunts and curses ringing as they pushed against each other, fists flying and grappling the other. Toby was holding him off, but with Jeff holding his knee on his stomach, there was little Toby could do to fight him off. They were throwing their palms into each other’s faces, pushing their necks and nearly hurting themselves. So you yelled, instincts thrown as you gripped Jeff by his messy hair, tugging him back by the head until he was hissing. 

As you pulled him off of the smaller boy, you beat his chest with your fist, furious. “What the fuck are you doing?!” You snarled, pushing his chest back against the side of the truck with a loud thud. Thankfully this road was practically abandoned, nobody having any reason to travel back this far unless it was a hunting season, so no one just saw the throwdown that you just broke up. Toby panted behind you, your body standing between the two so Jeff had no choice but to focus on your angry face. “Fu- fuckin’ psycho…” Toby grits, spitting onto the ground as he sits up on his elbows. You still stared at Jeff, your questioning expression enough to make him groan. 

When Toby began to cough, you turned, reaching an arm out to help him stand. You gave him a once over, making sure Jeff hadn’t done any serious damage as you hauled him up. He was slightly taller than you, his goofy smile thankful as he pulled his mask down under his chin, wiping the dirt from his cheek. You sighed, turning back to Jeff and glaring, but getting caught off guard by his disgusted expression. Jeff towered over the both of you, his nasty scowl making you worried. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you two were fuckin’.” Jeff growled, pushing off the truck and shouldering the two of you apart, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets and staring into the woods. Toby and you awkwardly glanced at each other, the brunette stepping out of the way as you shuffled to Jeff’s side. “Jeff. You’re being unreasonable.” You grit, shoving his shoulder as he glanced at you, groaning. But he turned back to Toby, glaring daggers at the boy until he glanced back at you, a small smirk appearing on his sullen face. The pale killer shuffled to Toby’s side, throwing his arm around the boy’s shoulders, making him flinch away. Jeff held his head tight against his side, making the boy stare through his messy hair at you as you nervously watched. “Tell me, twitch. You ever thought about my girl before? While you’re jerkin’ it, maybe?”

There was a nasty grin on Jeff’s face as you blushed, crossing your arms as the brunette stared at the ground. Jeff didn't appreciate the silence so he hauled Toby’s head up, gripping him by the back of the hair and making his eyes face you. “Jeff-”

“Ah, ah. I’m asking him.” Jeff cut you off, nudging Toby by his side until his shoulders twitched under the pressure. “Whaddya say, Toby?” You glanced nervously between the two, both of their eyes on you as you waited for either an answer or for Jeff to shove off. Music still thumped from the truck, the cool night air blowing your hair gently until there were goosebumps on your skin.  Toby’s eyes frantically glanced between you and the ground, his freckled cheeks a dark tint as he searched for an answer. You had no idea what had gotten into Jeff, but you were growing tired and more embarrassed by the second. Toby closed his eyes, shaking his head as Jeff scoffed, shoving him back to the ground

“I guess we’ll just find out then, huh?” Jeff smiled wildly, stepping over Toby to move to you, your body subconsciously taking a step back before pale hands wrapped around your waist, pushing you in front of him. Jeff stood flush behind you, hands on your hips as he looked down at Toby, the brunette perched against the rear tire of the truck. You pushed against Jeff's hands, protesting lightly as he hugged around your waist, nudging his face into the crook of your neck and kissing lightly, keeping his eyes on Toby the whole time. You groaned, trying to squirm away from his grasp as he nibbled on your neck, kissing small pecks up your jaw and to your ear. Your cheeks grew hot, anxiously glancing between Jeff and Toby, the brunette’s eyes having a hard time looking away from you as Jeff ravaged the side of your face. 

You stifled a groan when Jeff’s cool hands slid under your shirt, pressing light touches against your skin. You gasped, tugging your shirt down as his arms pushed the fabric up, panicking against him. “Jeff- Stop-” You huffed, tugging at his arms, but the pale killer only laughed, nibbling behind your ear as he watched Toby carefully become flustered. You glanced at the brunette, his cheeks dark and knees pressed close to his chest, unable to do anything but watch you fidget under pale arms. Jeff was making a spectacle out of you, teasing the poor boy at your expense. But there was little you could do as he tugged your shirt up, despite your protests.

When he got your shirt over your head, you could literally see the panic in Toby’s eyes. You screwed your eyes shut, whining as Jeff reached behind to unclip your bra and tug it off your shoulders. The brunette was quick to look down, finding your feet inches away from him far more interesting. Jeff didn’t appreciate that, taking your tits in his hands and kneading roughly. “Oh, don’t get shy now, twitch. You gotta own up to how much of a pervert you are.” The killer smiled, pinching your nipples until he heard you hiss, your cheeks hot and breath heavy. 

“The o- only pervert here is yo- you, Jeff…” Toby grunted, eyes glancing up quickly to your tits but back down nervously as he caught the fingers on them. You desperately tugged on Jeff’s hoodie sleeves, teeth gritted as he finally let go and ran his hands down your waist. His cool hands were quick to unbutton your jeans, pushing his hand past your waistline and down into your panties. You yelped, grabbing at his arm and begging the perverted hand out, Jeff only groaning. “Oh, stop acting like you don’t fuckin’ love this, babe.” He hissed in your ear, gripping your wrists and tugging them behind your back, his left hand securing them between his body as his right reentering your panties. You whined, hips bucking frantically as his thick fingers slid between your folds, pushing your wetness onto the digits. Jeff chuckled lowly, pressing his right knee between your legs and forcing your thighs open as his fingers prodded against your clit. 

Toby couldn’t look away now, his flushed cheeks dark as his eyes widened. He was twitching frantically, his neck jerking against the mental override he was experiencing. You stared at him through heavy eyes, embarrassment tugging at your stomach as you begged the boy to look away. Jeff was always one for proving a point no matter the expense, so as he pushed his fingers into your entrance, stretching you wide, he was quick to snap at the brunette. 

“Well look at that, twitch. You ever fingered a girl before? Ever made her squirm this much?” Jeff teased, Toby’s head shaking slowly as his lips fell open, his eyes refusing to look anywhere else. Your arms protested against Jeff, but his strong grip held both of them easily, keeping your chest out and ass pressed back against him. His bulge was already evidently, his psychotic personality getting him excited at your struggle. His thick fingers curled inside of you, pushing little whines and hisses from your lips until you were hunched over, gasping as pleasure racked your cunt. Jeff was chuckling against your neck, nibbling on the skin and leaving little red marks wherever his teeth grazed. It made you whine, your eyes growing heavy and your face hot as you were forced to face Toby, hunched over so your face was right above his. A cool palm nudged against your clit, making your hips grind down and relish in the friction. Toby was so lost in the scene, his knees rubbing together nervously as he glanced quickly between your flushed face and Jeff’s hands shoved into your pants. His bulge was evident against his jeans, his hands gripping the grass below him as he nudged his thighs together, desperately trying to grasp at some sort of friction. 

Jeff ground his hips into your clothed ass, his bulge rubbing against you as he huffed against your neck. “Come on, tell the boy how good you feel.” He grunted, slotting his thick fingers in and out of your cunt quickly, your hips bucking against his palm. He was pulling gasps from you, every curl of his fingers making you mewl your pleasure. Your embarrassment had faded, excitement coursing through you as Toby began to palm himself through his jeans, his hitched groans making you whine as you locked eyes. “Ah… Jeff…” You groaned through gritted teeth when his thick fingers pressed deep against your walls, gushing your arousal around his cool fingers. The killer chuckled, letting your wrists go to snap onto your hip, pulling your hips back so he could grind into your ass easier. You felt your stomach knotting, your hips stuttering against his fingers as you began to whine, biting your cheek. “Toby…” Toby gasped under you, eyes wide as he ground into his hand, mesmerized by you. Eyes locked, you could feel yourself close to that familiar edge, chasing Jeff’s fingers as they curled deep. 

But as if he could sense it, Jeff tugged his fingers out of your warm walls, sliding them out of your pants and chucking wickedly as you whined. You were shocked, hips still bucking as he held your hips, refusing to let you move. You were teetering on that lovely edge, so close to getting off but so quickly stripped of that feeling that you could’ve cried. 

Jef tugged your pants down, pulling your damp panties with them until you kicked them off your ankles. You were completely exposed to the cool air, goosebumps riddling your skin as Jeff bent down, hooking his hands under your knees and tugging you up quickly. Your back was pressed flush against his chest, laying all your weight as your held your knees apart, your throbbing cunt face first with Toby’s face. You whined loudly, hands reaching back to grip Jeff’s messy hair as your cheeks grew dark, eyes pleading as you stared at the boy under you. “Go on. Make her cum.” Jeff commanded, holding you up easily as he watched Toby, beckoning the nervous boy. 

The brunette sat up unsurely, climbing onto his knees as he watched your dark face. He stripped his jacket, letting it fall to the ground behind him as he pressed closer, heavy breath brushing against your sensitive folds. You whined, hips trying to buck to his face but Jeff’s hands holding you still, tsking. “Go on, twitch.” Toby nodded nervously, sliding his fingers up to press your folds apart, eyes flinching to your face worriedly when you gasped. His freckled face looked so cute under you, his goggles pushing his bangs off his forehead and letting you see the flushed skin as he pushed closer. His tongue pressed first, licking a thick stripe between your folds before his soft lips pressed in, sucking on your sensitive clit. Jeff growled, pushing your hips closer to the brunette as you moaned, throwing your head back against his shoulder. “Oh, God-” You hummed, eyes slamming shut as Toby flicked his tongue over your sensitive bud. 

Your back arched against Jeff, fingers gripping his hair tight as you rutted against the warm tongue lapping at your arousal. Toby spread your lips with his fingers, flattening his tongue against your entrance as humming against you. He pushed further, slipping his tongue into your warmth and making you groan, your hand instantly shooting down to rub your clit and push you close. Toby’s eyes stayed hooded, watching eagerly as your fingers brushed against his nose, his tongue shoved into your cunt. “Le- Let me…” He grunted, sliding his hand up to shove yours away and take its place, slowly circling your clit with the pads of his fingers. You could barely breathe through all the gasps and whines that spilt from your lips, Jeff’s fingernails gripping your leg as he watched the scene unfold. He was smiling and huffing his arousal, teeth nibbling against your ear as he pushed your hips against Toby’s tongue, pulling your knees back further to give the brunette more access. “Does his tongue feel good, babe? You gonna cum on his face?” Jeff cooed, rutting his hips up against your bare ass as Toby lapped at your cunt, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to push deeper.

Nodding frantically, you could already feel yourself clamping down, Jeff’s lewd words making your core twitch as fingers rubbed against your clit. “Toby-” You whined, bucking your hips up as you felt your orgasm crash into you. Toby was quick to hold your hips, burying his face deeper into your cunt as he soaked up your arousal on his tongue, groaning at the taste. Jeff growled, teeth digging into your shoulder as Toby’s fingers rubbed your orgasm out, your thighs trying to twitch shut. When you finally breathed deep, Toby slipped his tongue out, hooded eyes gazing at your hot face, your cheeks flushed and sweaty. He smiled goofily, fingers spreading your soaked lips as he admired your still throbbing cunt, palming himself. Jeff slowly let your legs down, hooking his arm around your waist when your knees buckled from your sensitivity. 

“Damn, Toby…” He groaned, unzipping his jeans and freeing his heavy cock, the tip already smeared with pre. The pale killer gripped you to his side, staring down at the brunette still on his knees as he began to fist his length lazily. Toby sat back on his calves, eyes flicking nervously as he watched Jeff tug you towards the truck, pressing his back against the door and holding you in front of him. Toby stood awkwardly, fidgeting his hands as he watched Jeff push you back, gripping his hands around your head and bringing your mouth to his cock. You didn’t even think, mouth opening almost on instinct as you bent at the waist, bracing your hands against his thighs and taking the twitching length in your mouth like you had done it a thousand times before. Jeff sighed, gripping your hair into a ponytail and bobbing you slowly as he began to talk. 

“You wanna fuck her?” He grinned, grunting as you moaned your approval around his girth. Toby gasped quietly, eyes focused on watching you take Jeff so easily as his cock throbbed against his jeans. Jeff spread his legs wider, pressing his shoulders back against the glass of the door and cupping your cheek, forcing you to bury your face onto his cock, gagging against him. The pale killer groaned, eyeing Toby expectantly as the brunette nodded, his nervousness fading as he watched you submit to Jeff so easily. He wanted that. He wanted you to want him that way. 

Toby had always thought you were cute, his aggravation with Jeff spreading when the killer claimed you for his use. Toby thought the guy was ungrateful for such a pretty girl as you, wishing it was him who was dragging you upstairs to his room after a bad day. The bad thing about all living in the same hallway was the lack of noise privacy, so every time Toby heard your little whines echoing against his wall, there was little he could do against his straining arousal. 

But now, with your hips in the air and your cunt so beautifully waiting, Toby would show you. Despite his lack of experience, the brunette had watched enough porn to know what he wanted, to know exactly how he needed to treat you. The boy nodded, unzipping his jeans and sliding behind you, awkwardly gripping your hips. Your back muscles twitched and pulsed as you strained to bob at the pace Jeff was wanting you to go, the killer’s dark eyes grinning as he watched Toby nervously slip out his cock. The tip was red and leaking, twitching desperately as the brunette bent his knees, angling his head to press between your soft folds and find your entrance. You gasped, immediately pressing back against him but Jeff’s hands held your head, giving you little room to move as you slobbered on his length. 

The killer was being possessive, inspecting the brunette's every move as he pushed into you slowly, watching your expressions for any sign that you weren’t enjoying it. You moaned around his cock, tongue flattening against the underside and flicking against the gaudy veins that ran up it. Jeff huffed, relishing in the way your slobber pooled at the sides of your mouth as you screwed your eyes shut, focusing on not choking on his girth. But he wanted you to. He wanted to put on a good show for the kid. 

Placing his hands on either side of your head, he thrust quickly into the heat of your mouth, head knocking against the back of your throat and making you gag. He smiled, pulling back to the head before slamming back in, trying his best to pull any noises he could from your constricted throat. 

Toby watched carefully, mouth hanging lazily as he bottomed out inside of you. You were so warm, the heat swallowing him impossibly tight as he struggled not to move. His cock wasn’t as long as Jeff’s, but fuck did it still stretch you so good. You ground your hips back, moaning at the way the boy’s nails dug into your hips desperately. You had already ruined porn for him, your cunt gripping him the way his fist never could. He was already hooked. “God… O- Oh my god…” Toby gasped, shallowly thrusting into your cunt and drooling at the way your entrance tugged against him every time he pulled out. You were so pretty, your flushed skin warm under his scarred fingers, he couldn’t help but knead your ass apart as he ground into you.

In your opinion, the two boys were so impossibly different. Jeff was an ego trip, dick thinking before his brain did and making him a cocky little bitch who loved to show off. But Toby, on the other hand, was an awkward kid whose brain ran faster than the rest of him. It made him sensitive, but so dangerously impulsive at the same time. But right now, with their cocks buried on either side of you, their differences were even more prominent. Jeff was rough and loud, even on his best days caring only if you ended up babbling his name out of overstimulation. But Toby was nervous, inexperienced and trying his best to fulfill those urges he so desperately had. It was dizzying how differently they treated you.

You ground back against Toby, arching your back against his small thrusts and begging him to dare faster. He panted behind you, neck twitching and face contorting with every stretch he could feel inside of you. “Faster, twitch,” Jeff grunted, angling his cock in your mouth so he could fuck your throat, smiling at the way you gurgled on your spit. Toby hesitated for a minute, looking at the killer unsurely. 

“She wants you to go, ah, faster.” He hissed, snapping his hips as you gripped his jeans, begging for air. After so much time sleeping around, Jeff could read your body language like a book. It was beyond annoying, especially when he could tell you were aroused despite your bickering that you weren’t. But in this case, you thanked him by pressing your head down further, pushing your nose into his pubes. 

Toby nodded frantically, spreading his feet wider so he could angle himself up, slowly snapping his hips faster. He gripped your hips, his fingerless gloves nipping against your skin until you were whining loudly, gut-clenching in pleasure as his cock nudged against your g-spot. You arched your back, letting the brunette groan and hiss his pleasure behind you as you thrust your hips back, matching his pace. It wasn’t long before he was ramming into you, skin snapping loudly as he gave in and abandoned his nervousness. Jeff was eager too, nearly matching the brunette’s pace as he forced his cock down your throat, only pulling back every so often so you could suck on the head and catch your breath. “So- So warm…”

Jeff grits his teeth, challenging the twitching boy opposite of him as he stares daggers through his hooded eyes. “You gonna cum, twitch? Gonna spill in her?” Jeff was teasing him, the killer’s own orgasm quick on his heels as he slipped out of your mouth, slapping the wet length against your cheek. You were gasping, whines mixing as Toby snapped his hips, hissing. “I- I, ah, can’t-” He whined, your walls clamping against his aching cock, milking him quickly. Jeff grinned, popping his cock back in your mouth and letting you suck on the head while he talked. “Sure you can. Had her on the pill for a while now. Get to fill her cunt full whenever I want.” 

It was true. Jeff was so insanely horny that he had opted for stealing birth control pills from the pharmacy off the highway nearby just so he didn’t have to pull out. But you couldn’t complain, cumming around a cock was heavenly. 

Toby stared wide-eyed, a new fire igniting in him as he pressed his hands around your waist and began to slam his hips brutally. You yelped, eyes rolling as the boy thrust deeply into you, his teeth gritted and grunting. Jeff laughed wickedly, tugging your chin down with his thumb as he pushed his cock back into the warmth of your mouth, grunting as he matched Toby’s pace in your throat. You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think straight when Toby gripped your hips and hauled you up, your feet leaving the ground. He hunched over you, breathing raggedly as he fucked up into your cunt, squelching and slapping loud in your ears. 

It was all too much, so many sensations and so full your body couldn’t resist itself anymore. You buried your around Jeff’s cock as you came, eyes rolling hard as your cunt clamped down against the unfamiliar girth. Your legs were spasming, feet kicking in the air as Toby moaned, digging his nails deep. 

They both buried in you at the same time, their ragged moans and loud breathing making your gut twist as you felt warm seed spilling into you. You tried to swallow quickly, choking on the salty liquid as Jeff hunched over you, gripping your head tight in his pale hands. Toby’s cock twitched inside of you, knees shaking as he let himself spill into your warmth. Jeff pulled out first, letting his leaking head rest against your swollen lips as tears spilt down your cheeks, your mind so hazy you couldn’t breathe straight. He chuckled, hooking his hands under your armpits and tugging you up against his chest, Toby slipping out of you with a groan. You panted against Jeff’s shoulder, eyes heavy and cunt throbbing as he picked you up and snapped at Toby to grab your clothes. 

So when Toby climbed into the passenger seat and Jeff sat you sideways on his lap, tugging you close to his chest, you breathed deep. Toby’s bangs were stuck against his forehead from the sweat, his red freckled cheeks watching you so closely as he ran his hand between your thighs, your head falling onto his shoulder as he fingered his cum inside of you. Jeff grinned as he started the truck, hauling it back onto the road and speeding towards the mansion, occasionally reaching over to press his thick fingers in with Toby’s and make you cry. The brunette pressed his chin against your head, rubbing your clit as Jeff’s fingers pressed Toby’s cum deep into your cunt, tugging yet another orgasm out of you as the same slow rock music pounded against the speakers. 

You could barely think as they dressed you, pulled up to the mansion and hauled you inside, Toby carrying you to your room and setting you between them as they cleaned you up. Jeff still bickered with Toby, rolling your eyes as you slipped into sleep below them. 

But as the weeks passed and Toby began showing up at your door with that pleading look in his eyes as frequently as Jeff, there was little you could do to resist. Even when the two showed up together, scheming some new position they wanted to try and arguing the whole time, your heart fluttered.

So when their sharp words turned to breathy groans, you realized that maybe the only way they could stand each other was if you were distracting them, giving them something better to focus on.

This is a birthday present for @carmoronic! Live it up!!!!

Comments and reblogs are appreciated! ����₊⊹

[fogsrollingin]

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For more of my spideypool fics, x 🥂

[dadjokestop]

Looking to add a little twist to your humor? Dark humor knock knock jokes are the perfect way to blend the classic setup of a knock-knock joke with a cheeky, edgy punchline. If you’re not easily offended and have a taste for the morbidly amusing, these jokes will tickle your funny bone (or at least make you raise an eyebrow). So, grab your friends, knock on their sense of humor, and get ready to dive into 20 of the funniest dark humor knock knock jokes you’ve ever heard! 1. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Dishes. ²Dishes who? Dishes the police! Open up! 2. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Lettuce. ²Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here and I’ve got a skeleton in my closet! 3. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Canoe. ²Canoe who? Canoe believe it? This is the last joke you’ll ever hear! 4. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Olive. ²Olive who? Olive you and I’m dying to see you! 5. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry; it’s just a joke! Or is it…? 6. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Howard. ²Howard who? Howard you like to be my ghost this Halloween? 7. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you! Or is that the last thing you’ll hear? 8. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Doughnut. ²Doughnut who? Doughnut disturb the dead! They need their rest! 9. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome! Now let’s talk about that coffin! 10. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Figs. ²Figs who? Figs the doorbell; I’ve got some bad news! 11. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Alpaca. ²Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase; you’re never coming back! 12. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Cereal. ²Cereal who? Cereal killer; let me in before I eat your brains! 13. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Justin. ²Justin who? Justin time to hear the news—I’m a ghost now! 14. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Barking. ²Barking who? Barking up the wrong tree? Better run before I haunt you! 15. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Bite. ²Bite who? Bite the dust, buddy; it’s your turn! 16. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Harry. ²Harry who? Harry up; I don’t have much time left! 17. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Ketchup. ²Ketchup who? Ketchup with me before it’s too late! 18. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Wendy. ²Wendy who? Wendy you think you’ll finally let me out of this coffin? 19. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Cereal. ²Cereal who? Cereal-ously, let me in before it’s all over! 20. "Knock, knock." Who’s there? Mortuary. ²Mortuary who? Mortuary you going? You can’t escape the punchline! Final Thoughts on Dark Humor Knock Knock Jokes There you have it—20 dark humor knock knock jokes that are sure to push the boundaries of your typical joke-telling experience! These punchlines blend classic humor with a darker twist, making them perfect for those who appreciate the edgier side of comedy. Share these jokes at your next gathering, but remember: not everyone is ready for this level of humor! So, knock, knock, and let the laughter begin!

[mayhemproduces]

After nearly high fiving a few… lucky fans, and nearly taking their arms with him, Bishop turns his attention to the ring. Coming out in just a T-shirt and shorts, we can see the edges of the tape wrapped around his arm poking out from under the fabric. Who knows what lasting damage Swerve could've caused….

“Joshua Bishop, it's been a long time, hasn't it?” Mox chuckles, eyeing him up and down, “Two years in fact. Two years since you've done what very few men have been able to do in the past five years of my career, and that's leave me lying in a pool of my own blood.” Mox stops, licking his lips, “but that's why I like you, Josh. You hit like a damn mack truck and you don't hesitate, so I want to help you.” Bishop raises an eyebrow, but let's Moxley continue.

“When Bryan Danielson and I started the Blackpool Combat Club, we did so to morph the students who could survive the training into real champions - into legends. You hit like a damn mac truck, and you don't hesitate. You are a born and bred machine, but what you're missing is that killer instinct - the focus. Because you've got two anchors tied to your ankles, pulling you back down,” Mox continues, “I get it, Wes and Blade are your friends, you're buddies. But the only thing they've ever done is get in your way. What you need is the guiding hand of the Blackpool Combat Club. It's Bryan Danielson in your ear every day, teaching you the ins and outs of this ring. Pushing your mind past its own limitations. It's Claudio Castagnoli hitting you as hard as you've ever been hit, and demanding you get the hell back up and fight! It's me and you, spilling our blood together from America to Japan, and every place in between. It's about world domination, boy - but I don't expect an answer tonight. I'm sure you don't want to disappoint your friends, all your precious little fans, on live TV like this.”

Mox turns to face Bishop, “but know this. If you say no, it's over. There will never be another chance to join the Blackpool Combat Club.”

Bishop raises his eyebrows, almost like he’s trying to stifle laughter, before he raises the mic up and looks Mox in his eyes. 

“You think I need you? You think I need you & your little crew to be relevant? Mox, you claim you’ve watched me, you claim you’ve had your eye on me… Apparently, you need a little refresher. I’m the Intense Icon. My first night here in MPW, I kicked the shit out of your former best friend, the Mad King, Eddie Kingston. On my second night here, I ripped the MPW Atlas Championship from Syn’s cold dead hands. I’ve beaten every single top guy MPW has ever put in front of me. I’m the only person on this roster that Abigail, the woman who calls herself the Devil, is afraid of. I ended The Dark Triad holding this company hostage. I am the ONLY two time MPW World Champion this company has ever produced. I’ve won the Chaos Cup, the most grueling tournament in Professional Wrestling. I’ve beaten a laundry list of wrestlers in the last three years that’s only on par with yours… Including you. I am the single most dominant wrestler in MPW history, so Mox, buddy. All due respect my man… You can take your little offer, and you can shove it up your ass.” 

Shaking his head, Moxley licks his lips, ““You just made a career ending mistake.”

“You know what happens now, Josh? I'm gonna put every ounce... every drop of sweat and effort and will I have into winning the MPW World Championship. And at the end of the night, you will look up into the lights with blood pouring down your head and pouring out of every inch of your skin. Covered in glass. Covered in barbed wire. Your neck broken. Your back broken. Your head broken, and that World Championship in MY hands. And you better believe that I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life to do it, because I am the BADDEST SON OF A BITCH IN THIS GAME! -”

As Moxley gets in Bishop's face, red faced and pissed off, Bishop drops the microphone, and the MPW World Championship belt, and starts trading right hands with Jon Moxley! Champion and challenger have broken out in a full out brawl! Here we go, we don’t have to wait until Darkness Falls, Moxley and Bishop are fighting here tonight!

From the back comes an outpouring of the rest of our referee crew, several members of MPW security, and after Josh Bishop and Jon Moxley knock them aside, and from there, to break up this fight, Paul Heyman calls out the big guns. Samoa Joe, locker room leader, flanked by many of the roster members here in MPW, many of them not even dressed to compete tonight, hit the ring, and have to force the two men apart! Half the roster grabs Bishop, the other half grabbing Mox, the two men still trying desperately to get at each other! 

A contingent of Brody King, Sam Halloway, Sardonyx, and Daniel Garcia manage to drag Mox through the ropes and get him out of the way, as Syn and backstage agent Jimmy Jacobs work hard to block any way Mox had of getting back into the ring. Josh still tries to fight out, but the group of Matsumoto, VIOLET, Joe himself, and Mance Warner have Bishop pinned in the corner. Joe shouts over and over “Josh, relax! Josh, relax!” Trying to get the MPW World Champion to calm down, as Pandemonium stands outside the ring, her face practically in her hands from the stress of the situation. She runs her hands through her hair, and even joins in, trying to help Joe by throwing in a “Josh, stop!” Loud enough so that he could hear her in the ring.

A locker room clearing brawl to start the show here tonight, perhaps of a taste of what was to come at Darkness Falls! The MPW Locker Room can’t stop these two from ripping each other apart at Darkness Falls, inside the Cage of Death!

[my-weird-news]

🚨 Urgent: Killer at Large! Maryland Sheriff Warns of More Danger

Murder, Mayhem, and a Missing Noodle Incident: The Curious Case of Rachel Morin Once upon a time, in the mystical land of Maryland, a mother of five named Rachel Morin went for a walk and didn't come back. Now, I know what you're thinking—did she stumble into Narnia? Did she finally track down that elusive Starbucks with no line? Nope, folks, this story takes a decidedly darker turn. Harford County Sheriff Jeff Gahler, whose name sounds suspiciously close to "Gargler," exclaimed, "This individual poses a threat to every community from here to Los Angeles because we don’t know where he’s laying his head at night." Well, Gahler, that sounds like a problem for his chiropractor, not the entire population of the United States! Morin's unfortunate adventure took her to a wooded area on the Ma & Pa Trail, which I'm assuming is a charming place where grandmas knit socks and grandpas sit on benches reminiscing about the good ol' days of rotary phones. But guess what? Morin's peaceful stroll turned into a scene straight out of a Nancy Drew mystery, minus the well-coordinated teenage detectives. Now, let's talk DNA. Yes, that mysterious genetic code that's like your body's own "Made in China" sticker. The DNA found at the crime scene matched a suspect wanted for a March home invasion and assault of a girl in Los Angeles. Can't you just imagine the police looking through a microscope, shaking their heads, and muttering, "Yep, this DNA definitely has a criminal record. Look at those rebellious genes!" Surveillance video was released, revealing a shirtless man fleeing the Los Angeles crime scene. Now, let's all take a moment to appreciate this image. I mean, if you're gonna commit a crime, why not do it shirtless? It's like the criminal equivalent of those "I woke up like this" selfies. But fear not, my fellow citizens, the law enforcement superheroes are on the case! They've been working with the FBI, trying to figure out who this shirtless Houdini is. "This person has an absolute disregard for the sanctity of human life," Sheriff Gahler proclaimed. Well, that's one way to say, "Hey, buddy, you might wanna think twice before entering a 'Best Neighbor' contest." Sheriff Gahler, bless his heart, believes this suspect is quite the multi-tasker, suggesting he might have a side gig as a professional mischief maker. "I just don’t believe you do two things that are so serious in nature and that’s your starting point. Most likely you’ve been involved in other crimes," he mused. Maybe this suspect is just trying to check items off his twisted bucket list: "Commit violent crime ✅, Flee shirtless ✅, Steal all the bubble wrap ✅." But wait, there's more! We have a boyfriend in the mix, folks. Richard Tobin, whose name sounds eerily close to "Toblerone," denied any involvement in Morin's demise. And let's not forget the tear-jerking tribute he posted on Facebook. Picture this: Toblerone holding a single red rose, gazing at an outdoor memorial, and channeling his inner Shakespeare: "Rip rachelmorin love you baby, you will be forever missed." Move over, Romeo, we've got a new heartthrob in town! In an unexpected twist, the community held a hike in Morin's honor. Because nothing says "We miss you" like a stroll in the woods, right? And while this real-life drama unfolds, Rebecca Rosenberg, a journalist with a knack for crime and criminal justice (but not noodle incidents, sadly), is probably wondering if she stumbled into a real-life telenovela. So, there you have it, folks! A tale of murder, mystery, and more plot twists than a daytime soap opera. Will the shirtless fugitive be apprehended? Will Toblerone's tribute go viral? Will the Ma & Pa Trail ever be the same again? Only time will tell, my friends. Only time will tell. P.S. If you've got any leads on this shirtless Houdini, please don't hesitate to call Harford County Sheriff's Office at 410-836-5430 or email them at RMTips@harfordsheriff.org. And if you happen to find a missing noodle, well, that's a different case altogether. Note: This is a humorous reimagining of the original article in the style of David Sedaris. Emojis, images, and URLs have been limited as per the instructions.# Murder, Mayhem, and a Missing Noodle Incident: The Curious Case of Rachel Morin Once upon a time, in the mystical land of Maryland, a mother of five named Rachel Morin went for a walk and didn't come back. Now, I know what you're thinking—did she stumble into Narnia? Did she finally track down that elusive Starbucks with no line? Nope, folks, this story takes a decidedly darker turn. Harford County Sheriff Jeff Gahler, whose name sounds suspiciously close to "Gargler," exclaimed, "This individual poses a threat to every community from here to Los Angeles because we don’t know where he’s laying his head at night." Well, Gahler, that sounds like a problem for his chiropractor, not the entire population of the United States! Morin's unfortunate adventure took her to a wooded area on the Ma & Pa Trail, which I'm assuming is a charming place where grandmas knit socks and grandpas sit on benches reminiscing about the good ol' days of rotary phones. But guess what? Morin's peaceful stroll turned into a scene straight out of a Nancy Drew mystery, minus the well-coordinated teenage detectives. Now, let's talk DNA. Yes, that mysterious genetic code that's like your body's own "Made in China" sticker. The DNA found at the crime scene matched a suspect wanted for a March home invasion and assault of a girl in Los Angeles. Can't you just imagine the police looking through a microscope, shaking their heads, and muttering, "Yep, this DNA definitely has a criminal record. Look at those rebellious genes!" Surveillance video was released, revealing a shirtless man fleeing the Los Angeles crime scene. Now, let's all take a moment to appreciate this image. I mean, if you're gonna commit a crime, why not do it shirtless? It's like the criminal equivalent of those "I woke up like this" selfies. But fear not, my fellow citizens, the law enforcement superheroes are on the case! They've been working with the FBI, trying to figure out who this shirtless Houdini is. "This person has an absolute disregard for the sanctity of human life," Sheriff Gahler proclaimed. Well, that's one way to say, "Hey, buddy, you might wanna think twice before entering a 'Best Neighbor' contest." Sheriff Gahler, bless his heart, believes this suspect is quite the multi-tasker, suggesting he might have a side gig as a professional mischief maker. "I just don’t believe you do two things that are so serious in nature and that’s your starting point. Most likely you’ve been involved in other crimes," he mused. Maybe this suspect is just trying to check items off his twisted bucket list: "Commit violent crime ✅, Flee shirtless ✅, Steal all the bubble wrap ✅." But wait, there's more! We have a boyfriend in the mix, folks. Richard Tobin, whose name sounds eerily close to "Toblerone," denied any involvement in Morin's demise. And let's not forget the tear-jerking tribute he posted on Facebook. Picture this: Toblerone holding a single red rose, gazing at an outdoor memorial, and channeling his inner Shakespeare: "Rip rachelmorin love you baby, you will be forever missed." Move over, Romeo, we've got a new heartthrob in town! In an unexpected twist, the community held a hike in Morin's honor. Because nothing says "We miss you" like a stroll in the woods, right? And while this real-life drama unfolds, Rebecca Rosenberg, a journalist with a knack for crime and criminal justice (but not noodle incidents, sadly), is probably wondering if she stumbled into a real-life telenovela. So, there you have it, folks! A tale of murder, mystery, and more plot twists than a daytime soap opera. Will the shirtless fugitive be apprehended? Will Toblerone's tribute go viral? Will the Ma & Pa Trail ever be the same again? Only time will tell, my friends. Only time will tell. P.S. If you've got any leads on this shirtless Houdini, please don't hesitate to call Harford County Sheriff's Office at 410-836-5430 or email them at RMTips@harfordsheriff.org. And if you happen to find a missing noodle, well, that's a different case altogether. Note: This is a humorous reimagining of the original article in the style of David Sedaris. Emojis, images, and URLs have been limited as per the instructions. Read the full article

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Our little love part 2 - mafia/yandere au Drabble {angst + fluff}

As always please let me know what you think, I am actually going to go to bed now my brain is angry with me for not sleeping.

It seemed the cycle was never ending, you fucking up and pissing them off, them punishing you by drowning you in their love, only letting you come up to breathe so you could swim in your own guilt and submit to them.

You wince as the victim to your latest fuck up gets another blow to his chest. Taehyung and Hobi held onto his arms as Jungkook and Jimin kick and punch the poor individual. You know not to speak, it’ll only make things worse. Temperament was a fickle thing in their lives, trust was everything, and you still had to build yours up again.

“Y/n help please,” Kai whimpers as you stood with your arms crossed looking away.

“Don’t fucking say her name,” Jungkook growled before punching your ex colleague in the face. You’re frowning, the need to beg them to stop was fighting for exit on the top of your tongue, but you bite it down and pray Kai doesn’t say another word. You know if you do as he asks they’d kill him. Your punishment was to watch silently.

Yoongi strolls up behind you, hands in his pockets before he rests his head on your shoulder, watching the display in front of you both.

“Nothing to say little love?” He whispers as your friend groans out in pain.

Please don’t kill him, you want to say, but you just shake your head in defeat. You want to believe they’re better than this, but the evidence of the contrary was never hidden from you. They showed you every side of them whether proud of it or not with bold eyes daring you to stop loving them, pushing your boundaries and morals waiting for you to snap. But the breaking point never came, you loved them, you shouldn’t and you knew it, but you did. You were completely and utterly theirs, yet still they treated you like you hadn’t seen the worst of them. Like you would run away the second you realised they were monsters, not that they would let you run far, only far enough to let you take a single breath before making you drown in them once again.

Yoongi wraps his arms around your waist, keeping an eye on your reactions. The asshole deserved it, not that they cared either way, he tried to take you away from them, that was enough.

Kai was your old partner before you took a very early retirement, what you didn’t know was that he continued the case you were working on before you left; the case of the seven men you now loved and the reason you quit said job. He had called you to meet up for old times sake and you, very naively in Yoongi’s mind, decided it was harmless. But if it was harmless why didn’t you say anything to the boys? You thought Kai didn’t know the reason you handed in your resignation, but he had been keeping an eye on you all before he realised you were the key to their downfall. He knew you harboured some feeling for him in the past and thought you’d reciprocate when he tried to flirt his way into getting his hands on the evidence you collected, he didnt know you burned it all. You lied to him and said you lost it, same difference anyway. This prompted plan b from him.

“Y/n they’re criminals,” he had said to you. “You’re a cop at heart you can’t love them.”

You floundered at his words when you realised he knew, and yet he still asked you to betray them.

“Kai I think I need to go...”

It was a mistake, you knew it then, but he followed you out onto the street and you hoped tonight the men you loved weren’t keeping an eye on you. Maybe naive was an understatement.

“Are they coercing you Y/n! Do they have something on you or are they threatening you?” He calls after you. “Because the Y/n I know would never love killers, what have they done to you?”

It was when he reached his hand out to grab your arm that your boyfriends decided to show themselves from the shadows. Which lead to the situation now, Kai beat up and bruised beyond recognition, and you forced to watch. He falls unconscious and they let him drop to the floor, you hate this side of them, it was cruel and cold but you’d never leave. They turn to face you now, their anger still present despite the last hour of releasing it onto your old partner. They don’t miss the way you’re shaking, the shallow breaths as you try and keep your tears to yourself. As much as you hate their violence, you hate their disappointment in you more.

——————————————————————————

You’re sitting in Joonie’s lap for what you call the debriefing of your punishment, this happened way too often in your opinion. You look down but he wasn’t having it today, tilting your head to look at him by your chin.

“Why did you get punished today little love?” He starts the same way as usual.

“I went out without telling you guys where I was going or who with,” you say while fiddling with your fingers out of nervous habit.

“And?” Hobi sits across from you in a chair, legs straddling the back and an elbow rested on top with his fist holding up his face. Hobi was hardest to pacify, he was ruthless and unforgiving and while that didn’t extend to you, you still had a hard time with his stubborn anger.

“I met up with Kai, and I let him touch me,” you’ve done this too many times before to not know how it worked. Kai’s ‘touch’ obviously meant nothing to you but for them it was the worst crime anyone could commit against their little love.

You remember the time you nearly tripped in the park and a guy steadied you politely, but you still had to hold Jungkook back from throwing hands.

“Kookie would you rather I fell and hurt myself?” No he hadn’t wanted that so he grumbled in agreement still seething but you cooled it down. “Instead of hitting him maybe you should thank him,” it was a joke but it made the youngest scoff.

“Baby girl why can’t you just be good?” Namjoon’s sigh brings you back to the present. “Why do you always have to test us like this?”

You didn’t mean to, you want to say it but the words are stuck below the sob in your throat. You actually whimper as his tone, bottom lip wobbling pathetically. He hadn’t even told you off properly, but you already felt like a mess as he bathed you in his disappointment. That was the common consequence of your actions and you hated it, you couldn’t do anything right.

——————————————————————————

“Jin do you need help with the food?” You ask your eldest boyfriend politely, he was frowning and you thought it was because today’s meal was too much for him to handle alone, his tone of voice made you realise it was because of you.

“No, I’m alright,” he doesn’t look at you as he speaks and you’re left gaping at him like a fish. Jin loved it when you cooked with him, it was your bonding time without the others, although Yoongi would join you from time to time. The others also tried but Jin wouldn’t let them anywhere near the kitchen, they hogged you enough anyway.

You feel your soul deflate, still standing there as he ignored you.

“Are you mad at me too?”

The way you said it made his heart twinge with guilt, but the others were right you wouldn’t learn and your first betrayal was still fresh on their minds. He sighs and you turn away, refusing to crying in front of them for the tenth time that day. What was wrong with you? Ever since that day where they found out who you really were you felt like you werent enough anymore, you tried so hard to make up for it all but you kept messing up. You weren’t like this before, but after seeing the hurt you put them through you were constantly on edge and second guessing yourself. You wish you could go back and stop them from ever finding out.

Jin hears the sniffle as you walk away and he can’t go through with it.

“Wait little love,” he calls for you. “I forgot to cut the onions, would you mind?”

You shake your head, you didn’t mind, but you didn’t trust your voice to answer for you. Youre grateful to Jin for giving you this task, it hides the fact you’re crying, but you know he doesn’t miss it.

——————————————————————————

Jimin and Taehyung were giving you narrowed stern gazes through dinner, it put you off your food which resulted in getting told off by Jin just after he branched out to you in the kitchen.

You felt alone, like the seven men you loved were against you and there was no one to blame but yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you say quietly before getting up and removing yourself from the dinner table and dining room, ignoring all of their stares. You decide maybe an early night is best, you could start again fresh tomorrow. You don’t get too far up the stairs before a hand pulls you back, you turn to see Jimin with Tae a few steps behind him.

You’re so used to seeing them laugh and play around that it feels like you’re looking at different people. Even during missions or gun fights, the youngest three were always joking their way through the bloodshed, keeping scores of who got the most headshots and other grotesque games. You remember the time Jimin and Tae called you during he middle of a shoot out, arguing with you and each other over who you loved more out of the two while you begged them to not get shot or killed.

“Why did you go see him Y/n?” Jimin asked, he wore the demeanour he used for enemies and it takes you back to that night.

“I... h-he said he wanted to see me to catch up,” you explain but you know it’ll fall on deaf ears.

“And you thought that was a good idea, to see your old cop buddy?” His tone makes you feel stupid, you weren’t stupid.

“He was my friend Jimin,” you say in disbelief, you know in the end it was a mistake but at the time it didn’t seem like the worst idea in the world.

“You’re ours,” Taehyung moved forward, towering over you even though he’s a step below you. His face is close to your own, eyes burning into yours as he looks disgusted at the words that left your mouth as if they’re still attached to you. “How do you think we felt when you went to see another detective? Do you have any idea what was going through our heads?”

“Tae I love you,” you lean away from him, searching his face for a hint of softness and love in his gaze, but there was only fire. “You know I wouldn’t, you all know I wouldn’t, I left that life for you why would I turn back to it?”

He stalks away from you without a word, Jimin close behind, giving you a final cold glance before leaving you alone. You thought your love could make them better but if anything you made their darkness worse.

——————————————————————————

Jungkook needed to vent, the only way he knew how was physically. Obviously it wasn’t the cleverest thing he’s done, taking rounds with the punching bag only to open up the cuts on his hand from beating the bastard earlier. He mutters a few curse words under his breath, why did you make matters worse? Maybe they were being harsh on you before today, finding any excuse to punish you a little, test your boundaries and see if you would run, but today they honestly feared that was what happened. They thought you chose to leave them and go back to the life you had before them, but they’d never let you go, they couldn’t let you go. Despite everything you loved them and they worshipped the ground you walked on. You were everything for them now, there’s be no point to any of them without you. Why didn’t you understand that?

He throws another punch to the bag, spreading his blood across them, it hurt like hell, but the thought of you running back to your old partner still played on all of their minds. He wanted to cry, he wanted to find you and beg you to never leave them, they’d be nothing without you.

There’s a knock on the door and he finds you on the other side, waiting for permission to come in. You never waited for permission, it makes him frown, maybe they were too harsh on you today. He could see you shuffling your weight, insecurity screaming through your eyes, you feared his rejection more than his anger.

He notices the first aid kit in your hand, you must’ve heard him. He doesn’t let the fluttering in his chest reach his face as he sits on the bench, waiting for you to come to him.

His gaze is expectant, daring you to cross the threshold and face him, you were no coward, you didn’t fear them the way others did, why were you behaving so meekly now? You force yourself to move and sit beside him, setting the kit down and pushing your hair back behind your ears. He doesn’t move his gaze away from you, even with the sweat and hair hanging in front of his face.

You carefully take a his hand into yours, sucking air between your teeth at how injured it was.

“I’m sorry you hurt yourself because of me,” you say, eyes on his bloodied knuckle as you press the ointment against the open wounds. “Are you sure you want me to stay, I keep hurting you...”

You try to sound like you’re joking, that you’re okay and the hurt isn’t weighing you down with your doubts. He frowns, they really did take it too far. He sets down the cotton wool from your grasp, taking both of hands into his before kissing each finger delicately without letting you look away.

“You’re perfect little love,” Jungkook says, reassuring you with no question in his voice. “We’re the ones who don’t deserve you, we’re mean and cruel but we’re never letting you go.”

You remember how loving they were before that night, maybe while they accepted the truth at face value they could never really forgive you in their hearts. Maybe that’s why they were being like this, they didn’t love you the same way anymore.

“Do you love me?” You had to know, the doubt was eating you alive.

He looks at you as if you’re insane, maybe you are, you don’t know anymore.

“Little love, don’t you see how much we love you?” He asks sincerely. “We would do anything for that love even if it made you hate us, you belong with us, and no one is going to take you away.”

You could see the crazed look in his face grow as he spoke, you believed him, the honestly worn like a heart on a sleeve. But his answer bought a wave clarity to your hazed vision, you made them like this, you made them worse, you had to leave.

[thefanficmonster]

My Kind

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warning: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having been chosen by the gang to be a guest streamer on today’s stream of Among Us, it’s safe to say Y/N’s super excited but also a bit nervous. The whole of her anxiety gets lifted off her when she meets someone with the exact same vibe as hers - yeah you guessed it.

Requested by @monizzle96 Hi dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! I’m so terribly sorry it’s taken me so long to write and post it but here it finally is! I hope you come across it and read it and if so I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

This has to be the fiftieth time I’ve checked my setup in the past twenty four hours. But no, I’m definitely not nervous, what are you talking about. Pshhh. Nah, being nervous isn’t in my brand. Plus, what do I have to make me nervous - a group of famous streamers inviting me onto their stream to play Among Us with them because they enjoyed my own streams? Ok yeah, that’s a pretty good reason. Not gonna lie, I almost chucked my phone out of excitement when I received that DM from Toast, telling me they’d picked me to be their guest streamer for today’s date. My stomach was doing somersaults for a good forty-eight hours following that text and then the anxiety slowly started setting in fueled by the expectations they probably have of me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not inexperienced in the streaming field, I’ve been a streamer longer than some of the members of Toast’s streamer gang actually. But I never managed to garner that big of a following which I’m honestly quite ok with. I have a modest - ok, maybe larger than modest - following consisting of incredibly loyal fans which I will never stop being grateful for. They are all so respectable of me, my privacy and my boundaries. They know the main rules: no shit-talking in the chat or in any of my comment sections, no bashing other YouTubers in my comments/chat, and most definitely not asking for a face reveal. Fun fact: I didn’t even set up that last rule, they all just collectively know not to ask for it. 

I’ve been keeping my brand pretty low-key to avoid garnering some unwanted attention - some of which I’ve already experienced on certain social media platforms following the full body pictures I posted on there - face not visible of course. I tend to also have my webcam on, facing towards my hands working away on the keyboard sometimes when I stream. I don’t know why people obsess over faceless content creators’ hands, but I appreciate the enthusiasm - it also drives me to do a manicure every now and then which ain’t so bad, self-care and all that you know.

Now, back to the subject of my ridiculous nervousness.

You see, it has layers.

I’m nervous of ‘preforming’ underwhelmingly and I’m nervous of what my own fans will think of the person I will become during this stream. They know me as a super chill and laid-back person, which I am by the way, but they might think I’m putting on a show if I exhibit any nervous gestures/vocabulary. I highly doubt they would, but the possibility is not letting my mind rest. And now that it’s about ten minutes till the stream starts, I’m getting doing my best to calm my nerves.

They are all just people. You know they are super chill too. Just be yourself, that’s why they invited you, because you are yourself on all your streams. They liked you for your personality, humor, maybe even your gaming skills. So chill the hell out and be yourself, damn it!

Easier thought than put into action that’s for sure.

I start my stream five minutes early just so I can vibe with my viewers for a little while before I have to meet the gang. My fans always have a way of injecting me with confidence, they remind me of where I was when I started and how far I’ve come. How much I achieved when I thought I’d be nothing and no one, someone the algorithm would simply overlook. But then they entered my life and I entered theirs and it all became much better than I ever thought it would get to be. I rarely tell myself ‘good job’ for the milestones I’ve reached or the hard work I’ve put into my content, but that’s probably cause I orient myself based on that quote from the movie Whiplash: ‘There are no two words in the English language more harmful than good job’ - simply put, I’m never satisfied with what I do and I always strive to do better. My fans, however, make sure I don’t go overboard with it - always serving as a reminder that I’ve done plenty for myself and others. And that’s what makes an amazing fandom, one I consider family.

Whoa, when did those five minutes fly by?!

Ah shit, here we go. Deep breaths, Y/N you got this.

“Hello!“ I say as I enter the Discord call, subconsciously biting my lower lip, grateful the camera isn’t capturing it. However, I make a mental note to keep my hands steady cause that’s the one part of me people can actually see and the last thing I want is for them to see how much my fingers are trembling.

“Oh hi, Y/N!“ Toast is the first one to greet me, “Welcome to the stream! Thank you so much for accepting our invitation.“

“Thank you for having me and inviting me, Toast. This is a huge deal for me. You guys are basically YouTube legends, this is unreal to me.“ I reply, cringing immediately afterwards because of my fangirl rambling. Great way to make first impressions, Y/N. Bravo.

To be fair, they already have an impression of you. Quit stressing.

Aright, you’ve got a point, me.

“Oh please, we owe all that to our fans. We’re really nothing special. All streamers are almost completely alike, we all owe where we are to the people who helped us make it there - our fans. We’re no legends.“ Toast says, bringing a small smile to my face as well as a light pink blush to my cheeks, “And from what I’ve seen, you yourself have quite the following. And your fans seem to adore you.“

“And I absolutely adore them.“ I chuckle, “They mean the world to me. They are the reason I’m here today.”

“Then we have to give them a special thank you, don’t you think?“ The teasing, familiar giggle, widens my smile - it’s Rae, “Nice to meet you, Y/N! I’m Rae, and, no cap, I’m quite a fan of your content. No joke, I binged your entire series of Resident Evil 7 as soon as I found your channel when Toast said he’d invite you.“

This rattles me a bit. I can hardly believe it - am I really receiving a compliment from an A-list name in the streaming world? My fans must be hella proud of me right now. A quick glance at my chat confirms that they indeed are. That in and of itself fills me with joy and newfound confidence.

“Oh Gosh, thank you so much Rae! That means the world to me. You’re all so sweet.“ I reply, lifting my ice cold hands to cool down my burning cheeks, my lips spread into a grin, my stomach filled with butterflies.

“Oh please, we have some real savages around here.“ A male voice, seemingly Charlie’s scoffs, “Don’t overlook us please.“

“Wait, we do?“ A deep voice, one I immediately know the owner of speaks up, “Who? How come I don’t know about that?“

I can’t help bust snort, “Nice to meet you, Corpse. Sarcasm central, I see.”

He laughs, “Just returning it to where it’s due. Nice to meet you too, Y/N. Sick Outlast series, by the way.“

Ok, wait, I have two A-list streamers complimenting my content. Ok, I’m bound to crack open a few beers to celebrate later cause OH MY GOD.

“Thanks! I’m a horror junkie so I’d be lying if I said I haven’t binge watched all your story-times. Personal favorites are the deep web ones, they fascinate me.“

“Oh, you’re one of my kind even more than I expected, huh?“ He replies, the tone of his voice changing, raising a bit due to what I can only describe as excitement and enthusiasm. “I’ve had people tell me it’s twisted, but I really like seeing the lengths to which the fucked up human mind can go to. Like, the shit I’ve read is insane! Some stories I didn’t narrate cause I would’ve probably had my video taken down, it was that messed up.“

My eyes widen, sharing the same excitement at the thought of digging deeper into this phenomenon, “Careful, Corpse, you’re walking a dangerous line of tempting me to deep-dive on Reddit in search of those exact stories.”

“No need.“ Corpse says, his tone now taking up a bit of a cocky note, “I still got them all saved, I can send them to you no problem.“

“Please do! I seriously gotta read them now. If I can’t sleep afterwards, I’m blaming you, Corpse. Just FYI.“ I say, giggling slightly, finding myself all but completely comfortable now. I wonder where all that anxiety went? 

“Blame fully taken. Given that I’m not much of a sleeper, I’ll keep you company whenever you think there’s a killer hiding in your closet or fear a red room pop-up will appear on your computer screen.“ He replies, chuckling.

“Um, that’s oddly specific.“ Charlie comments, “Been there yourself, buddy?”

“Perhaps.“ Corpse wheezes, getting a laugh out of me too, “I will neither confirm nor deny.“

“You know what, I’ll just private message you my number so if you see it call you at some ungodly hour, you don’t freak the fuck out. Sounds good?“ I ask, already prepping to type it out and send it to him. 

“Perfect. Wait...“ he pauses for a second, sounding puzzled for a second, “You don’t have mine.“

“Oh, do I not?“ I reply with a sinister tone - thought to answer the question, I of course don’t have his number.

“Oh, do you?“ He sasses me right back. “If so then you don’t need me to send it to you. Cool.“

Ah, shit

“Wait, no! I-I need to confirm it’s the correct one!“

Damn, never did I think I’d be complimented by some of the most important streamers on this platform, but to get a number of theirs too? That’s a whole another level that will take me time to process. But I’ll do that another time, right now, I have to kick these people’s butts in Among Us and later I have some deep web stories to read.

Turns out, all it takes to get comfortable in a new surrounding is someone of your kind. And Corpse is definitely one of my kind.

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[internalsealpanic]

Sealing the Deal part 2

Summary:  Dick has a perfectly reasonable idea.

a/n: There will probably be more parts to this since you people gave me so many ideas but for now here is some soft smut. Did I finish this just in time for the end of mermay? Yes.

warning: Attempt at soft smut

Main Masterlist

Part 1

"Let's get married."

 It takes around a minute for you to even register the fact that Dick had even said anything at all and another to parse out the meaning behind his words. You look up from the piece you've been slaving over for hours while Dick dozed on your lap. 

 "Let's get married." He repeats earnestly. 

 You narrow your eyes at him. You... clearly missed at least 2 diatribes and 40% of this conversation. "Uh Dickie, my love, did I miss the part where you divorced me or did I sleep through it like I did when Wally was preaching about raw fish?" You set your tools down and pull his pelt more tightly around you, feeling oddly protective of it. 

 Seeing you wrapped up in his pelt never failed to make Dick's chest flutter; unfortunately, he had to focus on the matter at hand. "As I was saying, we're married but not in the human way. "

 "Ah- Yeah, I see that but.. that seems entirely unnecessary." 

 "There's no harm in it." Dick says, looking at you with big hopeful eyes. No matter whether it’s his liquid seal eyes or his bright baby blues, you’re still a sucker. 

 He is definitely up to something. Dick always uses that look when he really wants something and you can already feel yourself falling for it. Who thought giving this man the cutest face in the world was a good idea? Who?! You sigh. Spousal homicide is a bad idea, you tell yourself. 

 "You're so lucky you're terribly cute," you huff, "you're also lucky that there's a ferry coming tomorrow."

 You mentally calculate how much time the whole trip would take but you know all that arithmetic is useless when you hazard a look at your husband.  Dick beams, dimples appear at the corners of his mouth, and makes the happiest little noises.

  You lean over the railing, watching the sea and feeling the wind comb through your hair. A pair of arms wraps around you making you squeak. 

 Dick buries his face in your hair and he sweeps you into his arms. "How's the most beautiful creature in the world?"

 "Dunno Dick, how are you?" You smile.

 Dick sniffles. "You're not allowed to be this cute."

 "Hypocrite." You laugh wrapping your arms around him. 

 He nudges his face against yours. 

 "Are you liking your first boat ride?"

 "I could still swim faster." Dick hums.

 You roll your eyes. "Sadly for us, I can't."

 "It's ok," he says, brushing his lips against the shell of your ear," it just means you can't escape me on this boat."

 "Pfffft!"

 "You're saying that now but look who I have in my hold." He chuckles, lips brushing against your neck.

 "We're in public you dork!" You squeal.

 "And?"

 You sigh."You just like embarrassing me."

 "Yup. Just ask Jaso- What's that?!" Dick says pointing to a statue on the shore. It was tall and proud with hair cascading down like a waterfall with a visage as hard as the rock it's carved on. You narrow your eyes trying to recall what the local told your father when you were younger.

 "Oh, it's... It's a sea goddess I believe or maybe a selkie." You shrug at Dick who looks at it in awe. You supposed this is the first time he's seen a statue that big.

 "I thought you said the people on the mainland didn't believe in selkies?"

 "Er... ok, so there are mainlanders who are more inland where I come from and there's people near the sea. No, there are more divisions than that but- Ok, so the place where I came from the sea wasn't as important but here it is so they probably have more folk tales."

 "I guess that makes sense," Dick says burying his face in your hair. "Did you have any folk tales?"

 "Some but it was mostly cautionary about maidens being stolen away."

 "Guess you didn't listen to them, huh?" he says, "did they say anything about stealing hearts?" Dick winks one of those winks that only he could make cute. 

 You huff into your scarf.  "More about eating them, I think."

 "I can do that if you want." He smirks cheekily.

You pat his cheek, trying to be as irritatingly condescending as possible.  "You're still not scary."

 Dick takes your hand in his and brings it closer to his lips. He pretends to bite at your fingers, his sharp canines dragging along the skin and nipping at the joints.  "It’s because I love you so much."

 Dick alternates between gawking at perfectly common sights like large cargo ships and flocks of sheep on the cliff and teasing the life out of you for the rest of the ferry ride. 

 You are the tiniest bit mortified that several passengers have seen your husband drag his teeth over your skin and toss you in the air for the fun of it. Dick was horrible at keeping a low profile. Not that acting reserved would have mattered anyway given how everyone's eyes were always drawn to him. 

 You can't blame them, his laughter is infectious and his smile was enough to make the gloomy morning look like a bright summer afternoon.  You really really don't blame them for gawking but you just wish they wouldn't.

Not even fifteen minutes onshore and you're reminded why you only ever went into town with your father. Being meek by nature, you're often the target for unruly sailors. It never got too bad, not enough for you to call the cops at least. You would be lying if you wish it wasn't such a common occurrence to have some random guy shove his hand down your back pocket and squeezes your ass. 

 You jump, nearly dropping the little map of shops your father had drawn for you a while ago. A man passes behind you snickering quietly and yeah, knocking his teeth in would be amazing.

 "Hey buddy, do you mind apologizing?" Dick asks, his voice dangerously pleasant. 

 There's a gnawing sense of foreboding forming in your stomach. It squirms in your gut until you grab Dick's sleeve. "Dick," you hiss, "it's not worth it."

 You'd looked at the man and sadly, it really wasn't worth getting Dick's face punched in on his first visit to the mainland. You don't think anything worth getting Dick hurt.

 The men turn back to your and the dread in your stomach solidifies. Even your dad was never dumb enough to piss off sailors especially ones built like I train would be dented when hitting them. 

 "I don't see the problem, pretty boy," the man spits like he'd said the word fungus, "The lass doesn't have a problem with it, do you?" He leers at you. It makes your skin crawl.  He steps closer, invading your space, and places a hand on your shoulder. "This lassy here and I go waaaay back." He says, sliding his hand down your arm. You have absolutely no doubt that this man is sloshed because you have never seen him before in your life. You are pretty plain, so that makes sense but yeah, this is the first time you've seen his mug.

 "A lass like you shouldn't be dressing like that if you know what's good for you."You open your mouth to protest but only manage to tighten your grip on Dick's sleeve.

 There's a split second between Dick flickering his eyes to you and the satisfying sound of a fist making contact with a jaw. The man falls to the ground narrowly avoiding smashing his head into the cobblestones.

 "Get up and apologize to her." Dick growls, teeth bared.  He pushes forward. You're about as stunned as the man on the ground. Dick's poised for a fight and you have no doubt he'll have no problem getting into a row. You need to stop Dick from doing anything stupid. You wrap your arms around his waist, squeezing your eyes shut.  You bury your face into his coat.  You want to tell him that it's fine, that you're used to things like this, that you don't want him to get hurt. This whole thing isn't worth him getting hurt. You're not worth him getting hurt.  But the only thing you can manage is a weak "It's not worth it."

 Dick squeezes your hand. You're trembling and Dick feels awful for scaring you but he doesn't stop glaring at the man. He guesses he's made his point loud and clear. He softens a fraction, maneuvering you to his side and wrapping an arm around you. There's still a snarl caught in the back of his throat but contrary to popular belief, Dick isn't hot-headed enough to ignore you. All he wants to do now is get you to safety. 

 You squeeze him with your arms, your face still scrunched as if bracing for impact. "Let's go shopping for those rings, yeah?"

 Dick sighs with an indulgent smile. "Ok, honey."  He kisses the crown of your head. "I love you, I’m sorry."

 "Don’t be sorry," you say, snuggling tighter into him. "You know I only want you and--” That wasn’t even the point. You are really bad at this. “--and you really should be more careful. What if you got hurt?"

 "Did you miss that killer right hook? He sure didn't."

 A small smile shapes your lips. "Moron."

 "Still love me though." He says, bringing your knuckle to his lips.

 You shake your head. "It's unfortunate really."

 "You know the more time I spend here the less I believe the fact that you didn't know what selkies were," Dick says holding up another seal necklace.

 You look at him, wince at the bruise blooming on his knuckle but continue. "My dad and I went into town twice a year and they were only ever day trips." You say, setting down a cheap shot glass with a blubbering seal. It wasn't strictly a lie. It was more of a guesstimate. You look away from him and mumble a "I thought they were called Setties."

 Dick snorts loudly and you have a heart attack thinking he reverted back to his seal form. "Setties?" He snorts again and you think he's gonna suck in all the dust from the store. 

 "Yes, Setties." You repeat grumpily, "I was 7. Cut me some slack!"

 "When have I ever cut you some slack?"

 "Never."

 "Mhm, exactly."

 "Why do I love you again?" 

 "Because I'm the cutest person, you know?" 

 "I dunno, Dickie." You drawl, picking up a couple of little seal stuffed toys. They were cute with their round faces and distended bodies. Their black eyes didn't quite do justice to your favorite trouble maker but they're close enough in huggableness."These little guys could give you a run for your money."

 Dick makes an affronted squawk. You hold them to Dick's face for inspection and ask: "Should we buy the black one or the white one?" Truly, a matter of life and death. 

 Dick scrunches his face in thought. "The black one obviously."

 "But the white one looks cute too." You whine. 

 Dick gives you a grumpy pout. You ignore him.  "Why don’t we get both?"

 Dick crosses his arms. "Why-"

 "Yanno... A pair like us..." You say, pulling them closer to your chest and looking up at him hopefully. 

 Dick looks at you wearily. "How could I argue against such a solid argument?"  Dick says, tousling your already windswept locks.

 "What do you think I’d look like as a seal?" You ask absently as you exit the store. You'd managed to drive the price down with a little haggling and a bit of distraction from Dick.

 "Beautiful."

 You grin at him.  "Again buttering me up won't make me buy you more sweets."

 "I can think of other things to eat." Dick says, his pink tongue darting over his lips as he looks at you. 

 You swallow, mouth feeling dry. Dick is horrible to you today.

The old antique shop was dustier than you remembered. Part of you suspects that the particles sprinkled on all the shelves is in fact just the old owner's cremated remains but you don't really wanna find out if it's true.

 You comb through the shelves, feeling like a pirate in search of treasure. The expensive rings with their big rind stones were stowed away on a shelf behind the shopkeeper but everyone one knows that if you want the good stuff you have to search for it yourself. 

 Dick seems to be happy looking through all the strange knickknacks, so you carry on. 

 You nearly squeal with glee when you find a ring. It was a band of silver carved into the shape of a seal curling in on itself as it slumbers. You smile holding it close to your chest.  "Give me your finger." 

 "That... is a very strange way to put it."

 "Just give me your hand." You say holding out your own.  Dick, still incredulous, puts his hand in yours. You bite back a smile as you put the ring on his ring finger. Your lips stretch even as you dig your teeth in. It was a good fit. You're embarrassed to say you were bouncing on your heel with excitement.The silver looks lovely against his tanned skin. 

 Dick inspects it.  "And you said subtlety wasn't my element."

 "It really isn't," you say, smiling down at his hand. "But I never did say it was mine either." You could easily find another ring if he doesn't like it but you're quietly hoping he does. You try not to watch his face, not read too deeply into his expressions. 

 "I like it. Let's try to find a matching one."

Much to your amusement, you did find something but it's.... You snort as you put it on. 

 "It kind of matches." Dick says wearily. 

 "It's a fish." You laugh.

 "Um... it's a pretty silver fish."

 "Absolutely ravishing, huh?"

 "Exactly like my wife." Dick says, nipping at your ear. 

 Your ear burns and you cover it hastily.  

 "Let's just go pay for them." You say, shoving at him lightly.

 "So you do like it?" He asks, peaking through your fingers. 

 "Yes, you dork. Now, stop being cute." You say, shoving him again. 

 "Never." He chuckles.

"Is this the statue from the harbor?" Dick asks, poking at the little replica on the shopkeep's counter. 

 "Aye lad, the natives worshiped the sea before we came along. Kooky fellows but they knew a thing or two about the sea. They even talked about the selkie. Those blood-thirsty women folk of the sea. "

 Dick scrunches his nose. You press the heel of your palm to your lips holding back a laugh.

 "Well, I’ve heard some different of stories." Dick says, leaning into the counter, his eyes shining mischievously. 

 The old shopkeep leans in, looking around. "Like what?"

 Dick leans in a bit more, his voice hushed and conspiratorial.  "I hear they try to trap fair maidens into marriage to bear children for them."

 Dick winks unabashedly. You flush. "What?!"

 "C'mon lad," the shopkeeper snorted like a walrus, "we all know that all selkies are women folk."

 "That’s the thing," Dick says, resting his hands on his intertwined fingers. He grins. "I’ve been out at sea a while, my whole family has aaaaand," he drawls in his other voice. The shopkeep looks entranced.  "We've heard of different tales." 

 "Do tell."

 "My family have heard tales of male selkies, those who seek women to carry on the selkie way." Dick pushes off the counter, spinning around on his heel theatrically. "We heard of old lore when they used to kidnap unsuspecting women by the sea shore." You vaguely recall this version but it seemed like ages ago.  "But now," he says, stepping closer to you. "Now, they are much more persuasive." Dick winks at you and you resist the urge to elbow him.

 "I also heard they're quite persistent." You say, leaning against him. 

 "Quite." Dick says a little too fondly. 

 "Hnnn, never heard that one." The shopkeep says tilting his head. "Do you have anymore?"

 "Oh, I have a ton of seafaring stories if you'd like. I’ve heard stories about the Cthulhu."

 "Cthulhu?"

 "The great horror of the deep."

 "The only horror here is the lack of treasure chests." The shopkeep huffs. You would be inclined to agree if Tim and Damian weren't so good at finding them.

 "Oh this is no tall-tale my friend," Dick says, wrapping an arm around the man's shoulders, "we heard that he awakes once every 10 years to roam the deep seas. Why do you think boats go missing with no trace?"

 Monsoons, you think.

 "Like that submarine last summer!" 

 Dick nods sagely "Exactly."

 You want to slap your palm against your forehead. There is no way he can believe that hokey, right? ... You are literally married to a selkie. Do you really have any room for skepticism? You sigh. You suppose not. 

"The sea is a mysterious maiden just like those sires. A tricky bunch, slippery and smart not like mermaids."

 "Have you ever heard one?!" The shopkeep nearly folds over the counter.

 "Once when I’d been at sea for 4 months, I heard the most beautiful song in my life, kind of like a mirage but it was a misty night at sea."

 The shopkeeper gasps. 

 You blink. This is news to you.

 "Luckily, my father pulled me from the towboat before I set off towards it."  You try to imagine it and somehow it's funnier than the idea of Dick being bloodthirsty.

 Dick regails Bruce's spat with a sea witch and Alfred's horrifying tale with a kraken. Even you were enthralled by all his tales. Having the shopkeep thoroughly wrapped around his finger. He leans in close again. "Sorry, I got so lost. How much were these rings again?"

 The man blinks as if resurfacing from a trance. "A sea-loving man like you? You can keep it for five coffers."

 You gape at him, eyes blown wide.  That’s less than what you pay for bread. 

 The man turns to you. "Lass, you better keep an eye on him. This one belongs to the sea."

 He's... not wrong. 

 "You really are too kind," Dick says handing the money over. 

 "Anytime lad. Feel free to come back with more of your stories!" He calls out as you two walk out the door.

“Since when were you a sailor?” You ask, nudging your shoulder against his.

 “Since Jay told me stories.” He answers, nudging back. 

 “So they were all made up?” You ask, shaking his arm.

 Dick hums noncommittally.

  You frown at him. “C’mon fess up, pup.” 

 “Not *all* of them. I just spiced up the truth, that’s all.”

 “The sirens?”

Dick freezes. 

“Wait, are sirens real?” You gape, pounding your hand on his chest. 

 “Well, kinda.”

 “Kinda?!”

 Dick walks ahead of you trying to avoid your question. He does the mature thing and plugs his ears with his fingers. You continue to pester him all the way down the street. 

 The scent from the bakery wafted in the air calling to both of you as you two continue to bicker. Your stomachs cry out in a chorus. You look at your watch. You knew you'd forgotten something. 

 "I'll get us something to eat," Dick says, clearly staring at the cupcakes. Getting cupcakes wouldn't hurt. It would be better than getting an actual wedding cake. 

 You shake your head. "I might sit for a bit." You say handing him your purse and wrenching the bags from his grip. He huffs but doesn't complain. 

 You park yourself on a bench just outside the bakery. Going to town is just as exhausting as you remember it being. You lull your head back, looking to the sky. What are the odds that it's safe to just doze off here on the bench? Probably pretty low.

 Dick watches you from a window, snickering. You were so cute when you're nodding off.  He should probably ask if they sell coffee too because you look like you're going to need the entire pot.

 He lets a woman go in front of him because Alfred taught him manners and not because he was delighted to see you nearly fold into your shopping bags. You startle and yelp then straighten up. Great seas, you're so cute.

 "Hey handsome, can I get a name?"

 Dick turns to the woman with an amicable smile. "Oh, the name's Dick."

"I'm ..." Dick is barely paying attention when he sees you take out one of the rings you'd bought with a stupidly happy smile on your face as you try it on. You look up at your hand and Dick can't help the twitch of his mouth. 

 You wave to him, feeling his eyes on you. He waves back with a thousand-watt smile. 

 There's a hand sprawled on his chest. "I've never seen you here before." The woman purrs. Dick steps back, feeling a bit uncomfortable. 

 "I'm from out of town-"

 "That explains it." She says, batting her eyes. 

 Dick's not too concerned, not when you've just disappeared from his sight. Dick's about to run outside when he feels a familiar pair of arms wrap around his waist. 

 "My husband and I are just here for a day trip to run some errands." You huff glaring at the woman.

 Dick wraps an arm around you, chuckling at the priceless expression on your face. 

 "Dickie, did you want to introduce me?" You ask sweetly.

 "Sorry, I didn't quite catch your name." Dick says, feeling genuinely bad because he really wasn't paying attention.  In his defense, you were distracting him. 

 "I'm Mia."

 "I'm (Y/n)." You say trying not to puff your cheeks. You clearly just want the woman to go away.

 Dick wants to pinch you for being so cute. The disgustingly sweet aura you two radiate was enough to make the woman go away. Much to your relief and Dick's amusement.  Dick lets himself sink into your embrace.

 Dick pinches your cheek as you get the bread from the counter. You swat his hand away with a loaf of slightly stale bread you were gonna rework later. "What?!"

 "Nothing, you're just so damn cute, honey." Dick laughs, pinching your cheek again.

 "Says the dork who punched someone." You say, pecking him on the lips. 

 Dick rolls his eyes. "He totally deserved it." 

 "Sure, sure."

 Ok, he did.

 Dick pecks your lips. "Let's go find you a bouquet and a minister so you can keep that ring on."

 You flush not noticing that you haven't taken the ring off. Dick looks down at you like he's the luckiest man in the world.

“Will it still make you happy?” Dick asks, fidgeting in front of the courthouse. 

 You raise a brow at him prompting him to elaborate. 

 “Getting married without a proper ceremony, I mean.”

 Ah. You clutch the bouquet of cornflowers to your chest, twining your finger with his. “As long as I have you it’ll be perfect.”

 Dick sniffles. “Stop saying things like that.”

 “You started~”

 Dick presses his forehead against your, letting out a low trill. “I can’t wait to sign on the paper and make you my wife. Officially.”

 You nudge your nose against his. “I can’t wait either.”

The minister looks between the two of you suspiciously, probably looking for signs of which one of you suggested eloping. “You may now say your vows.” 

 Dick takes out a crumpled sheet of paper with yellowing edges. In a cool crisp voice, he begins to speak:

 “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

 The wind rises in your chest, tears welling up in your eyes. You try to keep yourself together.

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, always perseveres.”

 You cup your hand over your mouth, your father’s words coming to life through Dick’s voice.  

 “Love never fails.”

 Dick reaches out to you, wiping the tears running down your face. You don’t know if Dick knows how much that meant to you but you’re endlessly thankful. 

 You feel flush. You’re not really sure you could follow that up. God, you really should have prepared more. You take a deep breath and will yourself not to turn tail and run. 

 Set me as a seal upon your heart,

as a seal upon your arm;

for love is strong as death,

passion fierce as the grave.

Its flashes are flashes of fire,

a raging flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,

neither can floods drown it.

If one offered for love

all the wealth of one’s house,

it would be utterly scorned.

 Dick looks at you, fondness curving his lips. You smile back at him sheepishly. 

The minister clears his throat. “You may now kiss the bride.”

 Dick picks you up and spins you around then brings you close to kiss you. You giggle at his theatrics. In the corner of your vision, you could see the minister just looking extremely tired. 

 “Give me the bouquet.”

 You don’t mainly because you have a policy of making people explain things before you do anything and also because you were hoping to throw the bouquet yourself. 

 Dick tilts his head. “Uh, give me two.” He pauses. “Please?” “Will you promise me this won’t curse anyone?”

 “Just because my dad’s girlfriend is a sea witch does not mean I curse people.”

 “And you feel absolutely no need to unpack that, huh?”

 “Sweetie, pleeeeeease.” He gives you the big eyes and you silently wonder how selkie divorce works. 

 You hand him two flowers. He pinches off the stems and says: “Hold out your hands.”

 “Can I at least know what kind of ungodly ritual my husband is suckering me into?” You huff as he puts one of the cornflowers in your palms. 

 “It’s more superstition really. My mom used to say that if you tell a flower about your love for someone and let the sea carry it away, then your love will be able to weather storms.”

 You want to tell him that based on the stories the sea had nothing to do with the ferocity of his parent’s love  but when you look back into the glitter of nostalgia in his eyes you know that there is nothing for it. 

 You hold the cornflower close, whispering promises to it, an endless litany of devotions that you hope only the sea will hear. Dick beside you does much the same with regular pauses and additions to his. When you’re both finished, you let the flowers fall harmlessly into the water and watch them, despite all odds, drift together in the ocean.  

  Dick nuzzles you into the floor. You lay flat on his pelt as Dick hovers over you. He kisses you, nipping at your bottom lip. You hum and slide your hands up his back and part your lips to give him access. Dick pulls away, dragging his lips down your face. His teeth graze on the skin of your neck. Feeling ticklish, you giggle. He smiles pressing another wet kiss to your skin before pulling back. You whine already missing the close contact. 

 "I think we forgot something." Dick says, gently grasping your wrist and kissing it. 

 You furrow your brow. You play with his hair as you try to think. "Pretty sure we did everything," you mumble. You shiver when you feel Dick's teeth catch on your pulse, his luminescent eyes staring at you intently. "I'm telling you, sweetheart, you're forgetting something."

 You groan. It would be easier to think if Dick's lips weren't on your skin. "We've gotten the rings, thrown the rice, and hit Wally in the head with the bouquet..." You bite back a squeak when Dick sucks a hickey onto your wrist. 

 "Getting warmer, darling."

 You flush. You try to control your breathing but your skin feels so hot against his. You and Dick have met with a minister and he's also carried you over the threshold... All that's left is...

 You can feel Dick's hand slide up your shirt, his hand warm against your chilly skin. "Consummation." You whisper, swallowing thickly. 

 Dick's eyes are bright and mischievous in the firelight.  "Bingo." He lets go of your wrist and lowers himself to press a hungry kiss on your lips; it was all tongue and teeth as his hips move against yours. He pinches your nipples between his fingers drawing out a gasp from you. Dick takes this chance to deepen the kiss. He groans into the kiss when you tug at his hair.You moan against him, wrapping your legs around his waist trying to pull him closer.  Your movements are clumsy, speaking to your inexperience. Dick is going to take his time with you. 

 Dick kisses your nose and pulls away. He can’t resist. Dick drags the shirt slowly over his body. He hears your breath hitch and a vain sort of pride fuels Dick’s ego. It was one thing for other people to tell him he was pretty. It was an entirely different thing to have you look at him with so much awe and reverence. That look in your eyes always makes his skin prickle with delight. 

 You trace the shape of his muscles with your fingers, your mouth parted slightly as you drink in the sight of him. Dick is no less awe-inspiring than the first time you saw him. You marvel over the scars crisscrossing his chest and arms. None of the imperfections on his skin ever managed to dull his beauty. Unfairly, they only enhanced it and took your breath away every time you noticed a new detail about him. Your hand drifts down to the V of his abs; the tough makes him tremble as it dips closer to the hem of his pants. Dick takes in a sharp breath before kissing you again. It was partly because he could never get enough of your lips and partially to get your attention.  

 “Honey, I want to see you too.” He whispers into your lips. 

 Your body locks up at his words and a heat spreads across your chest, your neck, and up to your ears. Your mouth feels so dry all of a sudden and your feet turn into blocks of ice. What if Dick finds you repulsive? What if he sees you naked and he can’t stand what he sees? Will he leave or will he smile through it all the while gritting his teeth through it? You’re not pretty, not the way Dick is and you certainly can’t measure up to the other Selkies you’ve met. How the flying fuck were you supposed to compte with Babs or Kori? You seriously consider running away and hiding in your room until you feel Dick’s teeth graze against the column of your neck. 

 “Please.” He breathes and his voice is so thick with want that it’s enough for you to forget the desire to melt into the baseboards even for just a moment. You don’t want him to be disappointed, to know that he’s traded down. You’re scared. You don’t want to be but you’re fucking terrified.

 “It’s ok,” he whispers. “I know you’re nervous.” He kisses your forehead. Dick knows he needs to be patient. He’s waited to feel all of you for this long. He’s willing just to wait a bit more if it means you’re comfortable. 

 You close your eyes, grabbing the hem of your shirt. Dick kisses your eyelid. He bites his lip, resisting the urge to sink his teeth into your flesh. It’s so supple and hot against his. Instead, he busies himself by helping you out of your bra but his fingers are clumsy with his brain too full of your skin. You giggle as you both fumble for the clasps. 

     Dick wastes no time peppering your chest with kisses once you’re completely bare. “So pretty.” Dick purrs against your chest. He nuzzles into the valley of your breasts as he feels your breaths even out. Sliding his hands up and down your sides reverently, he makes certain that you know just how beautiful you are with every bite, every kiss, and every touch.

 His attention goes to your breasts. You arch your back as Dick begins rolling your nipples between his teeth. He savors all the little gasps and mewls you make. "Dick." You sigh out his name happily. Dick groans, hips gyrating against yours. "Dick." You repeat, tugging at his hair. You rock your hips in time with his.

 Your voice is driving him insane. The way his name rolls off your tongue like silk fries his nerves. All he wants to do is make you scream it over and over while he takes care of you and lets you know just how good you feel against him. 

 "That's it baby, let me make you feel good."Dick says, giving your nipple one last lick before taking care of the other. "I wanna make you feel so good, sweetheart."

 The husky quality of his voice makes you shiver. Your fingers travel down his back, fingernails lightly scraping against his skin. He trembles against your as you slide your hand down his chest and down his pants. Your fingertips brush against the head of his member. You wrap your hand around his cock, teasing his head with your thumb. Your thumb is wet with his precum as Dick pants softly into your skin. Dick can't help but move against your hand.

 "Sweetheart," he grunts, " I can't... I-"

 Dick grasps your wrist, pressing a kiss to it before pulling it over your head. You whine. Dick's breaths tickle your ear as he tries to steady them. He kisses your cheek and nibbles on your ear. Dick grabs your other arm and pins it down next to the other, pinning both hands with one hand.  You squirm underneath him, trying to break his hold.

 "Let me take care of you." He says, trying to level his voice but you're making it so hard. 

 You drag your leg up his calf. Dick brushes his lips down your neck, sucking a hickey into every available surface of your skin on the way down your hips and murmuring ‘I love you’ as he does.  

 "Dick, please." You moan.

 "Sweetheart," Dick says, biting the soft flesh of your hip.

 You wriggle in his grip causing the hand wound around them to tighten. Dick watches you intently as he bites another hickey into the flesh or your hip. You gasp out his name and Dick can feel his cock twitch. He needs more. 

 “Shhhh, I know, Honey. Shhhhhh.” Dick says, kissing along the hem of your pants before his teeth catch on the fabric. Dick tugs the button free and pulls the zipper down with his teeth. You think your heart stops.  Every little thing he does drives you up the wall.  He hooks his fingers to the top of your pants and pulls them down slowly. You can feel the fabric drag against your skin as Dick presses I love yous up your leg. 

 Dick bites lightly at your ankle as he tosses your pants over his shoulder. Dick licks his lips, they’re plush and glossy from the saliva. He’s looking at you with so much love and adoration that you feel yourself melt. You’re suddenly painfully aware of your nakedness. You snap your legs shut shyly, withdrawing your ankle from his hold.  You curl in on yourself, muttering an apology.

 He shakes his head, chuckling softly. Dick pushes the hair out of your face. He presses his forehead against yours, kissing you softly and running his hands up and down your sides. Your legs slowly open to let his body closer to yours. You just want to feel his skin against yours. 

 "I love how your body reacts to me, honey." Dick winks. 

 You wrap your arms around him, your muscles relaxing a fraction. He can feel the ring on your finger dig into the back of his neck. You are his and he is yours. Dick trills at the thought. You laugh, the vibrations from his lips tickling you. 

 "I love you. You know that, don't you?" Dick asks, nibbling your lip.

 "The whole world knows," you snort, "especially after that fiasco at the town square."

 "I had to protect my wifey's honor." He says with a cheeky smile that takes over his face.

 "Somehow, I feel like knocking his teeth in was a bit much." You say, pulling him into another kiss because... well, your husband is awfully adorable even if he is a disaster.

 "Only seems fair," he says, his hand travelling down your body, kissing your clavicle, "he was being rude to my wife." Dick's fingers dip between your soaking folds. You were dripping just for him. Dick would be lying if he said that didn't inflate his ego. With his fingers curled inside you as he drags them in and out, you arch into him. You thread your finger through his hair and pull. 

 "Dickie, I want you," you whisper, rubbing your knee against his crotch. "I want you so much."

 Dick ruts against your leg, breath ragged and desperate. Dick's body is so sensitive to your touch; it's ridiculous.

 "I want you too." He manages barely above a whisper. 

 "Then fuck me, " you look away from his, biting your lip, "please?"

 "Honey," he groans. God, why did you have to say it like that? "You're going to make me cum." 

 "Isn't that the point?" You ask, your nails dragging on his back as you try and fuck yourself on his fingers. 

 What did Dick do to deserve you?

 "It is," he says, taking his hand out of your folds. "But not before I can make you cum first." He licks his fingers in front of you never breaking eye contact as he does. 

 You cover your face and squeak because damn it Dick you can't just- Who does that?!

 Dick hastily shimmies out of his pants, his cock springing free. You hear a pap as his cock slap against the toned muscles of his stomach. You squeak, peaking through your fingers, the slap ringing sinfully in your mind. Dick lets out an amused breath as he hovers over you. Stroking his length, he smears the precum along your inner thigh, whispering how much you turn him on and how he can't get enough of you. 

 "Sweetheart, I want you to look at me while I fuck you." He grunts and the air in your lungs evaporate. You think you'll follow suit in a few seconds. "Sweetheart, don't make me beg you."He says into your neck.

 Dick, you're not helping, you think to yourself but the saccharine way he always says your pet names has you giving into the request. Dick is smiling down at you and your heart melts. He kisses you deeply. You wrap your limbs around him, your heels digging into the small of his back and your fingers tangled in his locks as he slowly enters you. 

 He moans into your lips and you moan into his. There's a burning stretch inside you that has you begging for more. He bottoms out and your walls flutter around his cock trying to accommodate his girth.  A shiver travels up his spine feeling your velvet walls trying to milk his cock. Dick pulls away from the kiss to whisper: "I love you." 

 "I love you too, hubby. Please move."

 "Aye aye, wifey." He says slowly, pulling his length out. You can feel the long drag of his cock against your walls. You mewl for a lack of anything intelligent to say.

 The sound is enough to egg him on. He pushes in and out of you in long strokes, enjoying how your body rocks against his chasing your own pleasure. You pepper kisses to his chest and leave your own marks. Dick would be embarrassed by the lewd noises he makes as you do so but he's too caught up in you to really care. He doesn't even care if the whole world can hear him right now, all he cares about is that you're his and that you're loving this as much as he is. 

 "Baby, you feel so good. Your pussy was made for me. Ah!" Dick says, his hips stuttering when he feels you clench at those words. He kisses your shoulder. He loves the way his name falls from your lips as if it's the only thing you know how to say. "That's it baby. You're so pretty moaning and gasping and begging for my cock."

 All Dick can focus on is the sound of your skin slapping against his. You kiss up his neck, nibbling at his Adam's apple as he swallows. "Dickie, I want more."

  Dick's mind comes crashing to a halt. 

 "Dick, please. I want to feel you more. Please, go faster." You say, voice husky with want. It makes Dick feel like his body has turned to gelatin. 

 He kisses your forehead, a blush spreading across his skin. "Sweetheart, I can't."

 "Please Dick." You breathe, pouting at him. 

 Fuck, you can't look this cute while begging him to fuck you... twice. That's just not fair. 

 "Sweetheart, if I go any faster, I'm going to cum." The embarrassment is hard to hide.

 You drag your nails across his back and lick a stripe up his neck." Dick, I want you to fill me up. Dick, please, I'm so close." You beg, teeth catching on his collarbone, looking at him with watery eyes. 

 Dick is a sucker and he can never say no to a pretty face. He kisses one of your eyelids before slamming his hips into yours. His balls slap against your skin as he thrusts in and out with wild abandon. He thrusts deeper at an angle that was sure to hit your g spot every time. 

 You sing his name sweetly as you pull him closer. Your nipples rub against his chest as you bounce on his cock. Your walls constrict around him making it harder to pull out every time. All he wants to do is to stay inside you and revel in your warmth but he wants to bring you over the edge and fuck you stupid. He rolls your clit between his fingers as you whimper into his neck. 

 You both cum crying each other's name. Dick kisses you as he fucks you through your orgasm, painting your walls with his hot seed. 

 Dick rests his weight on top of you as he pulls out with some of his seed painting your inner thigh. "I love you." He pants. 

 "I love you too, you heavy lug." You grouse, trying to push him off of you.

 Dick has mercy on you and rolls you two over with you resting on top of him, perfect for cuddling you.

 Dick whispers "I love you" and other praises every time he opens his mouth and you return the sentiment by kissing a different part of his face.

 After a few moments of basking in the afterglow, Dick flushes seeing just how many hickeys he's left you and he flushes even harder seeing his own chest marked up. 

 "Sorry about that," He says kissing one of the marks. "I just can't help myself-" Kiss "-You look so pretty covered in love bites-" Kiss "-Sweetheart, you gotta stop sounding cute. I'll get hard again- Fuck." 

 Your hand wraps around his shaft, fingers brushing against his skin experimentally. "But I want you." You say bluntly. 

 Dick is going to combust. "I want you to. I've wanted you like this for so long."

 You stop. Your thumb brushes against the tip of his already leaking cock.  Your lips curl into a smile. "Is that why you were so adamant on getting married?" You snicker, booping his nose with yours. 

 "No, yes, maybe... partially." He stammers out. 

 You snort. "You know that wasn't necessary for us to..." The flush creeps back on your lips. You somehow have the audacity to look shy while still stroking his shaft. Dick is going to burst. 

 "I didn't want you to miss out on it," Dick says steadying his breath, feeling himself get harder as he talks or attempts to, "I wanted you to experience it since you told me you dreamt about it as a kid."

 You stop and Dick bucks to urge you to keep going.

 "You remembered that?" You ask, the expression on your face is complicated. 

 Dick sits up, brushing a finger against your cheek. "Of course, I did."

 "Dork." You sniffle, kissing his cheek. 

 "Only for you," He laughs but it's cut off by the movement of your hand. "Sweetheart, are you trying to kill me?" He gasps, biting into his knuckle. 

 "I'm only thanking you for being so sweet." You tease, spreading your mixed juices all over his cock. "and I just love my hubby that's all."

 ____________________________________________________________

Thanks for reading!!!!!!

Tag list:  @batarella​, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish , @birdy-bat-writes​,  @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-inkage, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell   @hyp-oh-critical @glorified-red @ marshmallow12435 @vvipgot7be​ @jadedhillon

[ibis-gt]

aaaand have a short drabble for a borrower cam au too bc Por Que No Los Dos. uhhh major spoilers for an agatha christie novel but it’s not mentioned by name so. there you go.

When Cam first came across the little cottage in the woods, he heaved a sigh of relief. A human this close to his home was a blessing. He wouldn’t have to travel nearly so far to restock on certain supplies anymore. Anything metal or plastic he needed would likely be inside those walls, and he might even be able to snag some extra food. He really needed something to help him bulk up a little more for the coming winter; mouse pelts only went so far in keeping a body warm.

When he got inside, it was better than he could have possibly dreamed. The occupant was clearly concerned with the aesthetic of the place. There were odd bundles of dried herbs and flowers hanging from the ceiling, overflowing pots of succulents and ferns and other pretty plants, cutesy leaf patterns painted on the walls and over doorways, little throw pillows with mushroom and forest designs on overstuffed furniture. The whole place was cozy and quaint and straight out of a picture book. And after he’d gotten a look at the pile of stuffed animals in the bedroom, he knew he was set for life. Whoever lived here adored cute little things, and what was cuter or littler than Cam himself? All he had to do was stroll right up to them and introduce himself, and it was the easy life from here on out.

Oh, sure, he’d heard the horror stories of humans getting their hands on borrowers. But he’d also heard the success stories of borrowers getting all but adopted by the humans that had discovered them, pampered and adored and given everything their heart desired. He wasn’t much for daydreaming, but he couldn’t deny that the hard work of survival wore on a body, and more than once he’d thought about trying to get himself a human. And now this wonderful opportunity had landed right in his lap.

Cam took out his hair clip and combed his fingers through his hair, trying to work out all the tangles, before giving up and clipping it back again. He examined his reflection in a shiny ceramic plant pot. Adjust the poncho, wipe a bit of dirt off his face, check for anything between his teeth - okay. All good. He was looking his best and ready to get loved on.

The cottage’s occupant was lying on his back on the couch with a book and a glass of water. He’d finished the water some time ago and was now thoroughly wrapped up in his book. It was a murder mystery, and he’d made frequent guesses out loud to himself about the killer’s identity. He made one now.

“Oh, the secretary must have done it,” he said.

“Actually, it was the doctor,” Cam said, from his position on the arm of the couch inches away from the human’s ear. “Unreliable narrator, see.”

The human shot upright with a scream. Cam smiled at him.

“Hi, how ya doin’. Look, I live in these woods, and gosh is it a tough time out there. Wolves and birds of prey and the nastiest rodents you’ll ever meet. Sure would be nice if someone took me in and saved me from this horrible life of - whoa whoa whoa oh sHIT - ”

Cam leapt off the arm of the couch as the book thwacked into the space he’d just occupied. He landed on the coffee table, momentum carrying him forward into a roll. He sat up and whipped around just in time to see the man holding the empty glass over his head. Cam tried diplomacy one last time.

“Hey, listen, no need for all this, I just - ”

The glass thunked over him, mercifully open-side down. The human scrambled off the couch and ran to the other side of the room, hiding behind an armchair. Cam stared in open-mouthed silence through his glass prison. That... had not gone according to plan.

Across the room, Luther sat with his back pressed against the armchair and tried to slow his breathing to a normal rate. That... had been a tiny man. A tiny man who spoke to him. A tiny man who spoke to him and spoiled the ending of the book. What the hell was that all about? Were there more of him? Oh god, what if there were more, living in his walls, scrabbling around and -

To his horror, Luther realized he could hear a faint tnk tnk tnk noise coming from the room behind him. Slowly, he dared to peer over the edge of the armchair.

“HEY!” Cam yelled, voice muffled through the glass as he pounded his fist against it. “This is not how this is supposed to go! Get back here and dote on me, idiot!”

Luther ducked behind the chair again. Nope. Nope nope nope. He would not be doing that any time soon.

For another solid fifteen minutes, Luther cowered from a man a tenth of his size while Cam yelled obscenities, banged on the glass, and cursed his stupid luck. He finally gave up and sat down, putting his head in his hands.

Luther waited. The silence continued for a moment. Then, he heard something that chilled him to the bone. The faint but unmistakable sound of glass sliding across a tabletop.

In an instant, he vaulted the armchair and dashed to where the book had fallen on the floor. He slammed the volume down on top of the glass, pinning it in place. Cam, who had had to use every ounce of strength he had to move the glass even a few centimeters, threw his hands up in frustration at the added weight.

“Great! Leave me here to die, why don’t you!” His voice cracked, going hoarse from all the shouting. He kicked the glass, only succeeding in hurting his foot, and sat down again in a huff.

Luther got down on his knees and peered cautiously in at the tiny man.

“H-hello?” He managed to say.

Cam glared at him and gave a sarcastic wave.

“Um, are there more of you around?” Luther darted a nervous glance around the room.

“Nope. Just me here.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.” Luther ran a hand through his hair. “I just don’t think I could handle more than one of you. I mean, I can barely take care of spiders, you know?”

“I believe it,” Cam snorted. Then an idea came to him. “I could, though.”

“You could what?”

“I could take care of spiders. For you, I mean. I bet you get a lot in here, right?”

Luther grimaced. “So many! Oh god, and they’ve got all those legs, and they leave those horrible webs with all those insects in them... eugh.”

“Yeah, you don’t want to have to deal with all that. You want a professional.”

“A professional?” Luther echoed doubtfully.

“Exactly.” Cam spread his arms out wide. “You want someone who can go toe to toe with them, literally! You want someone on the spiders’ level. Well, he’s right here, and available for hire for the low low price of a place to sleep and a bite to eat.”

“Hmm.” Luther considered this. He looked critically at Cam for a moment. “I bet you don’t eat much, do you?” He mused.

“And I don’t take up too much space, either.” Cam waggled his eyebrows. “Whaddya say?”

Luther paused for a moment, then said, “Okay, sure. Just don’t spoil any more books for me and you’ve got a deal.”

Cam gave a sheepish grin. “Heh, sorry about that.” He waited for a moment. Neither man moved. “Soooo... are you going to let me out?”

Luther chewed his lip. “Yes. Absolutely.”

“...When are you going to do that?”

“Right... now.”

Another long moment passed.

“Okay, but see, you didn’t lift the gl - ”

“I’m working on it! Give me a minute!”

“Okay, okay, sorry.”

They stared at each other for another moment or two.

“Buddy. This is not how I want to spend my night. Let me out.”

“AAAaaaaokayokayokay.” Luther lifted the book and the glass and shot backwards onto the couch, curling into a ball and staring at Cam. Cam stared back at him curiously.

“You are... weirdly afraid of small things.”

Luther buried his face in his hands. “I knowww,” he moaned. “I’m sorry.”

“There, there,” Cam said. “We’ll work through it together, roomie.”

[owaowabetch]

Uh Oh (Sykkuno x F!Reader)

Oneshot (maybe part of a series??? idk we’ll see): The Prequel to “Impasta” in which reader meets the gang for the first time and experiences a betrayal. Mainly Friendship

Warning: non-beta, I wrote this in one go and full sent it. 

You were a small time Twitch streamer that had recently befriend a streamer with a much larger audience, ValkyRae.  You had been talking back and forth for quite some time, since Rae’s dm to you weeks ago. You were mainly an rp channel where you played games like GTA, The Sims, and Animal Crossing. Though you gained a lot of your followers from playing League, though it mostly consisted of hate-followers that would only critique your gaming, even though you were pretty good at it. But it doesn’t bother you too much *que sob*

You were streaming GTA on a RP server playing an amish girl on a Rumspringa and wreaking havoc. You and your ‘gang’ had successfully finished hitting a bank truck ,causing your character to rake in a few thousand dollars, when you got a message from Rae asking you if you had wanted to play a few rounds of the popular game among us. 

“Alright guys, a friend asked if I wanted to join her lobby of among us. I know it’s different from the stuff i usually stream, but is that something you guys would be cool with?” You asked your chat and watch an influx of people messaging ‘yes’ or ‘pog’. You take a sip of your Starbucks and picked up your phone to message Rae that you’ll be joining. “Fair warning, I’ve never played among us. So we’ll see how this goes, guys” 

While you waited to be invited to the discord and into the lobby, you chatted with your viewers for a bit. “I just realized that I’m really awkward around new people. Like when I’m playing on the GTA Rp Server, I’m not myself, I’m a character you know? So it’s easier to talk with other people, cause they’re also role playing. Plus I don’t think I can call anyone in the discord a musty dusty rat bitch lol or sell them drugs, it’s not that kind of game...unless?...” You laugh as you login to your discord and accept the invite to the discord “alright guys! here we go~”

You enter the discord call and hear people talking. 

“Y/N!” Rae exclaims “Guys this is my new friend y/n”

“Hi” Responding to the various voices greeting you

“OK, so the code is in the chat and so are the bubbles, so your chat can see who is talking and what not” Rae explains

You input the code and saw your little character in the space ship. “Oh god guys look at us!” You ran your little character around the ship “How do we change colors? I’m not feeling this blue and I saw Rae with her lil creepy mask”

You read your chat tell you what to do so you went to the little computer to change the blue to white and clicked through all the hats til you decided on the pink flower. “How about this guys? Yellow is my favorite color but its taken”

“Alright, you ready y/n?” Rae asked

“Yup” you respond by running circles around her character

“OK i’m starting. Don’t forget to mute and close chat. You can open it back up if your imposter or dead” Rae sang “Good luck~”

“Alright chat I gotta close you til the game is done? I guess” You hum as the words ‘crewmate’ pop up. “Well at least i’m not imposter, i know the game. I mean who hasn’t at this point. I just never played it, seems to be to nerve wracking”

You open the map icon and run to where the closet yellow exclamation point was, which was admin. You make sure to note all the colors around you in there as you swipe your card “Alright, green, yellow, brown,red, and orange” You repeated the colors over and over again as you make your way into electrical when you notice something “Ok uh green is following me? I don’t know why but its freaking me out.” The lights turn off and you start freaking out “Oh god, this is where I die. Don’t I? You know what do it. Kill me! It’s probably a good idea. I’m kind of an idiot and it’ll help me figure things out on my own without the pressure” You follow the arrow pointing to a panel and you click on it “What am i supposed to do? You know green, this would be the perfect opportunity to murder me in cold blood... is this how you do it?” You flip the switches so that they are all bright green and the lights turn on “YAS BITCH, I did it” 

The green character kind of just circles your body as you do tasks in electrical, you do download, wires, and power diverter. “Ok BUT WHY IS HE FOLLOWING ME!!” 

An orange body had been reported and that two others had died (bright green and pink) and the person who reported the body was black or as his name read ‘Abe’ “Ok, so this body was in admin on card swipe”

“Well this body couldn’t have been me or y/n” Sykkuno says “I was following her this entire time”

“Yea, I’d like to know why lol? You were kinda freaking me out dude” You laugh a bit trying to play off how nervous you were to call him out on it

“Oh No! I was protecting you” Sykkuno explains “I promise”

“Sykkuno? Are you already simping for someone?” Rae feigns exasperation 

“No really guys!” He explains nervously “The new person always dies first, so I was just trying to protect her.”

You hum and smile mischievously “Unless, your just trying to gain my trust only to murder me in coldblood in front of my bestie Rae, to prove your superiority over her!?!”

Rae gasps “Really Sykkuno!?! I’m voting you just for that!”

“Wah? No wait! It’s not like that really” Sykkuno starts laughing as Rae votes “Oh God did you really vote for me?”

“Yes” Rae says and you start laughing 

“So anyways, Leslie’s body is in admin?” Hafu says wanting to talk more about the body and get all the sus’s and clears

Though you gasp when you realized a few things “wait I have some info to share” teasing Sykkuno had loosened you up a bit “it was me,green,yellow,brown,red, and orange in admin. Then me and green, uh Syyykkkuunnoo? Sorry if i didn’t say your name right, left and went into electrical, then lights were called and I fixed them before finishing off my tasks in there. So the body must’ve died during lights unless she left and came back into admin after lights were fixed? which doesn’t make much sense, sooo yea” you smiled “look at me chat! being all smart and shit” 

“yes” Poki agrees “I left admin also with Rae just before lights were called”

“Ok, so I know that puts sus on me, but I went straight to lights when they were called” Hafu says “Someone on the right side must’ve vented when lights were off. Like I was entering the hallway from storage with Tina when lights got fixed and we went to reactor room together. So it couldn’t have been me. Maybe Tina? I dont know which way she come from, but it was not me”

“That is true. I did meet up with Hafu at storage, but I don’t know man” Tina says “ I was doing download in comms”

“Oh god” You tell chat “I don’t know whether to believe Hafu or not. I know she is really good, along with Toast, but he hasn’t said anything”

“Well it is seven and we don’t vote on seven, so we can skip. Just putting a sus on Hafu” Rae says

“Yes please do” Hafu says as she votes to skip

“Do we know where the other bodies are?” Poki asks as the seconds start to dwindle down to zero “Also Toast? Why are you so quiet?”

“I’m trying to figure out a new strat, so don’t you worry. I’ll catch the killers” Toast starts to evil laugh and that was the end of the meeting.

“Ok we’re susing Hafu for this.Though I don’t think it’s her only cause I remember watching one of her imposter plays and it would be a too obvious kill,since so many people were there, it just doesn’t make sense, so someone venting in and killing is plausible or could be a self report? I don’t know lol It’s my first game” You run with Sykkuno and finish up your tasks together. Though lights were called when you both were at shields, you can see the vent pop open and in your little vision bubble you see a flash of red “Whelp this is where I die, I’d like to rate Sykkuno an 8 out of 10 for protecting me, but obviously I am now died” True to your word Rae killed you and you saw Sykkuno running around like a headless chicken when he reports your body 

“Oh God! They got her when I was trying to protect her!” Sykkuno exclaims 

“Sykkuno! You were supposed to be protecting her!?” Rae shouts “What happened? Did you kill her in cold blood? hmm?”

“smh Rae, you murdered me right in front of Sykkuno” You sigh “Well chat looks like I’m dead and we can speak now”

“No!” Sykkuno denies “I said I was going to protect her. I wouldn’t kill her after saying that”

“Well she’s dead now Sykkuno! Where’s the body?” Toast dramatically says

“It’s in shields. It happened when lights were off” Sykkyno says “I’m sorry y/n, I couldn’t protect you”

“Aw that is so cute” You pout at his apology, it wasn’t his fault. It was dark, so obviously he couldn’t see

“Well I don’t think Sykkuno did this, He said he was protecting her to everyone, so I can say that he’s crew” Hafu says “I’m at light panel, I remember seeing Poki and Tina there”

“I can confirm this” Poki says “So Toast let’s hear your big brain play. What’s your strat?”

It was silent for a minute, before Toast admits that he doesn’t have one.

“Ok so we can all agree that Toast is the imposter right?” Rae says “Vote him outta here!”

“Yep” Tina agrees hitting that vote on him and many follow suit

“Wait guys! WAIT! I do! I do have a strat” Toast screams out “Uhhh... wires! The wires guys!”

“Lol they’re gunna vote him off” You watch people voting “Rae is probably gunna win this”

“Yea, you’ve done that pay before” Poki laughs

“Don’t worry I’ll skip Toast” Sykkuno says 

“Why would you skip if we’re on 6?” Rae asks “Is Toast your imposter buddy?”

“Wah? I said I was protecting y/n, why would I kill her?” Trying to make his innocence obvious 

“Unless you killed her by accident or Toast did and you’re trying to protect him like the Simp you are!” Rae accuses him

Tina starts to also question Sykkuno “Wait a second, I dont think I’ve seen you do a single task this entire game! You’ve just been following y/n all around! We should vote him off next!”

“Guys, I swear it’s not me, it just doesn’t make sense” You can hear him plead “Oh no guys, how did this get twisted? It’s Rae! But how did it go to thinking Sykkuno as imposter?”

The meeting ends with Toast screaming into the abyss as he is yeeted out with Sykkuno telling him that he voted to skip.

“Ok then chat, looks like the imposters are gunna win, lets talk for a bit” You sigh and start reading the comments “ I know that I didn’t talk much with them, but I’m just awkward in general and I don’t know what to say to them. This is the first time playing with a group like this where i’m supposed to be myself and not a character.”

The words Defeat appeared on screen and there was Hafu and Rae as imposter. “I honestly didn’t think it was Hafu”

“Hafu was that you that killed Leslie in admin? I didn’t think it was “You asked when you returned to the lobby

“NO! I got framed by my own partner” Hafu explains before taking her bathroom break

“How did Rae get that kill cause I was with her?” Poki asks

“I vented from Caf back into admin when lights were off” Rae laughs “and I vented into shields and killed y/n right in front of Sykkuno!”

“Im sorry for not being able to protect you” Sykkuno runs circles around my character “Next round I’ll do better! I promise”

You laugh and start chasing after him in the ship “What if you end up as imposter?”

“Then I’ll have to look away as my imposter buddy kills you” Sykkuno laughs behind his hand and clears his throat “Im joking, Im joking, I promise”

“Wow Sykkuno” You tsk and run over to the opposite side of the room “I don’t know if I want your protection services now”

“Uh” Sykkuno splutters “I’m joking I promise! I won’t kill you as imposter”

“Wait til Corpse hears you simping over someone else” Poki says before starting the game

“Wait Hafu is still in the bathroom!” Rae exclaimed, but it was to late to stop the game from starting, so she’ll have to jump in when she comes back. Though you swear you feel your heart jump out of your chest when the words Imposter read on you screen. The 1st of the night for you and another in a row for Hafu.

“Oh God guys. Hafu is in the bathroom, but she has to carry us” You start to panic “What we do we do!?! Wait is Sykkuno seriously gunna follow us? Should we kill him or would that be to obvious?” You see the chat tell you that it would be to obvious and that it would be better to maybe frame him, but it seems to mean to you “Should we kill someone in front of him? You know to test his loyalty? It’s a terrible idea”

Though before you go on to fake tasks, you see Sykkuno standing on top of Hafu’s body, so you also go ontop of Sykkuno’s and to the outside perspective you are protecting Hafu, but really for you it’s to ensure that your imposter partner is going to be walking around and killing people,once she comes back from the bathroom. It seems that Hafu is back from the bathroom as her yellow character starts making her way away from you both. You and Sykkuno make your way to admin when lights get called and Sykkuno starts to wiggle his body around into a corner. It seems as though he wants you to stack with him in a corner, but before you do you double back when you see a body pass by and kill them, though you start to laugh when you see your character kill Rae, before ‘stumbling’ into Sykkuno’s view in the corner. You both stay there as lights turn back on and go on card swipe. You think about juking Sykkuno, but realize that it’ll look sus on you for ditching him. So you two just walk around ‘completing’ tasks as every once in a while the lights would go off and you two will stack on each other or wait for doors to open which you had been closing alot of them. 

“Honestly guys I’m at a point were I just wanna murder someone in front of him” You start to evil laugh as you both stack in the corner of medbay as lights start turning on when a body got called

“It’s toast, it’s toast, it’s toast” Hafu chants as it was her who reported the body “I saw him kill Poki”

“oh she self reported” you note and click on Toast’s name but not locking in your vote just in case. You also noticed that four people had died “She killed three people!?! Wow she is beast in this game! Holy Shit guys”

“see, from my perspective it’s hafu. I didn’t see the kill, but I did see blood splatter and Hafu immediately reported the body and blamed me, so it has to be Hafu. I’m voting her” Toast explains and votes her

“no no no no no no no. I saw you kill her when lights got fixed.” Hafu describes her side and what she did in that round “ Ok guys I was afk for like the first 20 seconds and I see Sykkuno and y/n there standing on me in caf., and I’m just doing my tasks, which I finished by the way, so I’m just going back and forth going to cams and just walking around to find any dead bodies. So if you saw cams on in the last 30 or so seconds it was me. I’ve also been fixing lights too! Peter and Leslie should be able to vouch for me on that! But on this round of lights I’m making my way to go help fix them when i see blood flicker in my little bubble and as it starts to get bigger I see Toast walking away from it. Its Toast. It is 100% Toast.” She locks her vote on him “Vote him please. If you don’t vote then you’re either imposter or just throwing”

“I don’t know guys” You start and hover your mouse over the green checkmark next to Toast’s name “I’ve been with Sykkuno the entire round and we did guard Hafu’s body. For Hafu to say that she saw Toast kill, but toast didn’t see Hafu kill? It just doesnt make sense so I’m voting Toast” You lock your vote in when Hafu reminds everyone that crew has to vote together since it is on six. Reminding Peter and Leslie that Hafu has been fixing lights got their votes, but Sykkuno was hesitant “You know I can never vote Toast guys, but I have been with y/n this entire time and I know it’s not her. So, I’m sorry Toast but uh” He locks his vote in for either Hafu or Toast? Who knows if he’s simping over Toast hard.

“Sykkuno?” You can hear Toast tremble his voice “Sy-sykkuno? Who did you vote for? Sykkuno!?!?! Do- Don’t tell me...did you really vote me?”

“I uh “ He clears his throat as the votes get out and all of us had voted Toast 

Toast gasps “Sykkuno!?! How could you!?!?!”

“I’m sorry! I just trust y/n!” Sykkuno explains as Toast’s body once again gets yeeted out into space. 

“Wow guys, looks like we’re gunna win our first imposter game!” You wiggle around happily “and we literally did nothing...wait we killed Rae! We got our revenge from the last round mwua hahahahaha”

Sykkuno and I run circles around each other before walking back into medbay. You can see Hafu kind of trailing behind and the doors get locked with us three in it, but Hafu is just standing there. “Chat what is Hafu doing? Why is she just standing there” You can see Sykkuno step on the med scan “Wait she wants ME to kill SYKKUNO! Oh god that is so evil lol but i’m so useless as imposter, so I might as well get in at least 25% of the kills” 

Once Sykkuno steps off you just murder him and you see that you had won.

“I- I can’t believe you just killed me!?! I trusted you y/n” Sykkuno exclaims

“Sykkuno” Rae sighs “she KILLED ME in caf! Why did no one NOT SEE MY CHOPPED BODY IN CAF!”

You just laugh “I’m sorry Sykkuno, but my chat was telling me that Hafu wanted me to kill you”

“Yea, cause I did like all of the kills and sabotages” Hafu recounts who and how she killed 

“Sykkuno, you giant simp. I can’t believe you vote me” Toast tsk’ed 

“I can’t believe y/n was the imposter! and she killed me!” Sykkuno shakes his head “you know what i’m no longer protecting you anymore”

“Wait Sykkuno I’m sorry. Really” You giggle 

“No no no it’s ok, it’s all part of the game” Sykkuno reassure you that he is not actually mad and that he hoped you had fun “But i wont be protecting you from now on, I have scars now”

So, you play a few more games before calling it quits and end your stream. Later on, you find that Sykkuno started following you on Twitter and Instagram, You totally did not stalk both of his pages and you totally don’t think that he’s cute.....

SideNote: You totally murdered someone in front of Sykkuno and he totally didn’t snitch on you. Instead he protected you as you ran around killing more people in front of him and like the giant Simp he is he totally went ‘I neva snitch on you Daddy, I hold a brick for you Daddy’.

[playful-dark-stars]

Hi, I believe I am the person whose ask with the prompt you deleted by accident. Anyway I was asking for 29 prompt with lee!Error (if u write for him) and the ler could be any Sans (just possibly not Ink). Of course if you don't wanna take this request it's alright, take care.

Hello there! To answer you, yes, you were the person I deleted on accident (I'm so sorry). And yes, I write for prompts for Error.

29 - Am I teasing you too much?

Lee Err0r - Ler Dust

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Error?” Error looked and saw Nightmare. “Hey Nightmare, something wrong?” “No nothing wrong but...How and why is Dust following every command you say?” Error blinked and laughed a little. After Nightmare asked, Dust came in with a bag of chocolate. Dust rarely listens to anyone. “Error, how did you manage to make him ACTUALLY listen? How, I need to know” Error blushed remembering the whole situation. “Okay Night, so here’s the embarrassing story... So basically...”

Error was in the living room with a hammock made out of his strings, while Night was sitting on the couch. 2 Best friends chilling in a room. Until the peace gets ruined by Dust. "Booossssssss! Killer's trying to murder someone" Dust, that's his name. And he enjoys killing. "So what's the problem with that?" "He's killing them in the back room and started a fire" Yep, there it is. "Damn it Killer.... Okay, time to slap some sense back into him" Nightmare got up and left the living room while Dust just stood there. "Soo, what's good trashy glitch face?" And here we go. Dust and his love for pissing people off. “Oh shut it and tell me what you really want?” “Can’t I just talk to an old glitchy rat friend of mine?” Error just gave a glare. “Okay fine. Out of your entire time of being here, I’ve NEVER seen you smile. Can you maybe smile?” “There are a few things I would do for you, THAT is surely not one of them” Dust pouted. He wanted to see him smile. He reached his hands over to the glitching skeleton’s face. Error jumped back and used his strings to tie Dust up. “What the- C’mon glitch face!” Error kept his distance. “What the hell were you doing?!” “I saw it somewhere. I tried to use my fingers to make you have a genuine smile.” “Dust, I think you’ve seen to many movies.” Damn straight he has. “Aww c’mon! You only ever let Geno see your smile!” (They are brothers in this AU). “So what?” “So, stop being wuss and let me see it!” Error just teleported to the back room. He saw Killer hung up by his foot. “Boss, ‘m sorryyy!” This is a daily thing, don’t worry. “Hey Night, Dust is hung up in the living room. You can feel free to mess with him afterwards.” Nightmare looked his the glitch’s direction. “Alright. See ya around buddy” Error glitched away. Feel free to imagine what happens to Killer, just pray he doesn’t pass out twice. 

Error was in the anti-void. After 10 minutes, he started playing with his strings trying to make random shapes. He was bored and had nothing else to do. If he destoyed an AU, Ink would come after him and he wasn’t looking for chase at the moment. “Soo...Can I see you smile?” Error jumped and turned around. Dust?! Wait...How’d he get in the void?? “Dust....How the HECK did you get in the anti-void?” “Boss gave me a portal here since I wouldn’t stop bothering him” Of course. “You’re not gonna leave me alone until I smile, huh?” “Nope” Err0r rolled his eyes and made a really fake smile. “There, happy?” “Oh come on! Actually smile!” Dust, I’ll just say this now. He would literally DIE before showing his smile willingly. Well, to Geno, that’s a different story. Dust thought for a bit and an idea struck. “Hey Error, wanna make a bet?” This caught the glitching skeleton’s eye by the slightest. He nodded and payed attention. “If I can get you to crack a smile or blush for 10 minutes or more, you gotta be my little servant for the rest of the week.” Error thought about it for a bit. “What’s in it for me?” “I’ll leave you alone for 2 months or I’ll be your servant” Not a total drag of a deal. “Fine, deal” Dust smiled. Not only because he’d finally get Error to smile, but because he planned ahead. 

“Okay so, keep your arms up.” Error was confused but did as told. “Dust, I swear if your gonna do something stupid, I will feed you to Horror after I kill you.” You can bet your soul that’s not a joke. “I’m curious. What the heck are yooOAAAH!” Dust jammed his fingers into the other’s ribs. Error slammed his arms back down. He tried his best to keep his giggles down. “D-Duust! Whahat are you doihihing!?” “Just trying to make ya smile! I bet you have such an adorable one too.” Error tried his best not to smile, and was succeeding. So far. Dust wasn’t getting the reaction he wanted yet so he switch his attack to his spine. Error’s ‘lips’ started to curl into a smile. It was getting so much harder to not laugh. “Ooh, is that a smile I see? Are ya startin’ to laugh?” Error slapped a hand over his mouth. “I-I’mhmhm nohohootttt!!” “Oh really? So I can start  faster?” The glitching skeleton tensed up. I don’t think he’d be able to hold the giggles bubbling in his throat. Once Dust reached his underarms, the giggles broke out. “Pfffttttahahahahahahah!! N-Nooohohoho!” Bingo. Dust kept this going for a bit. He laughter was kinda funny, glitching a little here and there. “Aww, look at that smile of yours! Why do you hide it?” “Nooohohohhoohahah! Shuuhuhuhutt uhuhuhuhuhuhup!” Error tried to get away but where ever he went, Dust’s hands followed. “It’s sad I never get to hear how adorable your laugh is! It’s soo cute!” A blush spread across the glitching skeleton’s face. “Duhuhuhuhuhst!! I swehehehehaaear you’re dehehead ahahafter thiihihihiss!” “Sure I am buddy!” Error tried to escape once again but ended up tripping over his own feet. Dust quickly sat down on his thighs. “Aww, why are you trying to run from me? Was this for me to tickle you in a better position? ” Dear lord, I speak for Error when I say: NO. The dusty skeleton started to slowly tickle up and down his ribs. He’d poke and scribble faster when he’d reach a sensitive area. “Laugh away little lee! Laugh away as I tickle tickle tickle you to a giggling blushing mess!” “Sh-Shuhuhut uhuhhup!! Juuuhuhuhust shuhut uhuhuhuHUHAHAhahap!” “Aww but why? Am I teasing you too much?” Error always HATED teasing. And Dust has his ways of knowing this. The glitching skeleton was laughing, but not hard enough. Dust quickly turned towards Error’s feet. Oh this wasn’t looking good. “N-No Duhust wait!! Pleahaese no!” Dust already removed the other skeleton’s shoes and socks. “Let me think about it. How about...NO!” “GHAHAHAHAHAA N-NoohohohohOHOHOH!” Dust moved up and down his soles slowly. And when I say slowly, I mean SLOWLY. This was gonna break Error. This was going way to slow. It was driving him up the wall but there was no way in his life he was gonna say anything. But it was getting to him so badly. Eventually, he just broke. “D-Duhuhuhust! S-Stohohohohop going sohohohoho sloohohow!!!” Dust looked back. He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “I knew you’d ask me to go faster at some point! You’re enjoying this more than I thought.” Dust sped up way more than intended. The tear stained skeleton’s laughter got raised an octave. Not expecting tickling to boost up so fast. “Hey Error??” “W-WhahaHAHahAHAHAHt?” Again, Dust quickly turned around to face the other. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how feather ticklish are you?” He didn’t actually... Dust pulled out a feather from his pocket and. Error shrieked. “GAHAHAHAHHAHAH! NOHOHO! DUHUHUST!” The answer to Dust’s question was a 7. The lighter skeleton also started playing the darker’s skeleton’s ribs like a piano.

Error used his strings around Dust and got flown up into the air. With what energy? The energy of having the urge to teach Dust a lesson for this. “WHAT THE- NOT AGAIN! DUDE, PUT ME DOWN!!” After laying on the floor for 5 minutes, and trying to block out Dust’s yelling, Error got to his feet. “Well first of all, I didn’t like that little stunt you pulled on me, but you did get me to smile so I’ll give you that.” Dust smiled widely, feeling proud of himself. Now he knows what to do if he wants something. Heck, even just for fun if he doesn’t die first. “However, you still lost.” “Huh?” “The bet, remember? You would’ve won in...20 seconds. Oooh, so close bud.” The bet! Dust had completely forgotten about it. “Wait, no! That’s still pretty close, it’s only off by 20 seconds!” Error scoffed. “Either way, you still lose. And I think I’ll take you being my servant as reward!” Oh boy...Was Dust in for it now. Dust started to rethink his choices of ever wanting to see the glitch smile again. Dust’s soul was gonna pop when he these next words. “Now, I say we make this a fair fight, and I get a little payback...” Within seconds, laughter filled the Anti-void once again.

“And yeah! That’s what happened.” Nightmare just stared at Error, than at Dust. “Dust, what the heck?” Dust was blushing really badly. “I just wanted to see him smile okay?!?” Nightmare reached 2 tentacles up Dust’s sweater. Dust knew exactly what was gonna happen and ran out screaming. Error and Nightmare laughed at this. This was gonna be a long week for our dusty skeleton.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, new prompt: Finished! I’ve been dead for a hot bit but I don’t die easy. This was not as teasy as I wanted it to be so I’m just ‘slighty’ unsatisfied. I’m not really the full-on pro with teases and you guys can see that here so, um- TwT. This wasn’t really one of my best works but I tried. One of the longest I might add, I think. Hopefully you guys were enjoying this prompt, and I will see you all next time. Have a great day/night! 

[ragingbookdragon]

Through Hoods, Through Lace, Through Hearts--We'll Find Our Healing PT.1

Jason Todd x Reader Story (Arkhamverse)

Word Count: 2.6K Warnings: Explicit Language

Author's Note: I started playing Arkham Knight again and got inspired. Who woulda thought?? Enjoy! -Thorne

Gotham wasn’t exactly safe since Batman—or Bruce Wayne—had died. All things considered, it wasn’t as bad as it used to be now that Red Hood had moved in and started tackling the criminals Batman had left behind—permanently. Killer Moth had been the first and Roman Sionis was the second to go, and while Red Hood hadn’t outright claimed it, the leftover crew that hadn’t been pumped full of lead, had said that they saw the vigilante leaving, so it wasn’t hard to put two and two together. And it didn’t stop there.

Red Hood had started in on Penguin’s gang too. Now that Batman wasn’t around to stop the weapons and drug smuggling, it’d given the infamous gang leader a free ticket into Gotham. There were some reports about the neighboring vigilante Nightwing coming over from Blüdhaven to stop him. Rumor had it that someone said they even saw him and the Red Hood working together at one point, but it didn’t seem all to believable as the latter didn’t seem to be the partnering type.

That being said, with no one to stop him from killing all the criminals he wanted, a lot of the small-time fish got out of the business, not wanting to be met at the end of Red Hood’s handguns—it’s the exact reason she got out of the game. The money was good, and she was a damn good thief, but no amount of payout was worth her life. But somehow, trouble always managed to find her again.

***

Her file might’ve gotten deleted from GCPD’s database, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to take the easy way down the street and risk an officer recognizing her. She stuck to the back alleys like usual, ignoring the catcalls and sleazy comments about her outfit, but still keeping her brass knuckles around her hand—could never be too careful in Gotham.

Working an honest job sucked in her opinion, and the only thing more humiliating than working at Super-Babes was the number of tips she was getting at the end of her shift. Maybe if she smiled and flirted a bit more, they’d give her a tenner instead of a fiver. She’d half a mind to shove that five down the asshole’s throat after he ran his hand up the back of her thigh, but she was lucky that Tony had been working the kitchen shift—watching him throw the guy out on his ass was payment enough.

Even if she was managing to scrape by, working a restaurant job was kicking her ass, and something deep inside her itched for one more heist, but with the Red Hood stalking the city, there was no way in hell that she was going to risk it. The man had a reputation for leaving bodies and shell cases, and she wasn’t going to be the former. No, she was working towards a better future, getting back on track, and even if she was waitress, she was doing a lot better than most of the old crew. Most of them had either joined up with Black Mask, in hindsight, a horrible error on their part, or gotten thrown back into lockup. She was lucky—she got out during the recovery of Gotham after the whole Scarecrow and Arkham Knight deal. But that didn’t stop them from sending her the occasional request of her skills. All they received was a big ‘fuck no and fuck you’.

“(Y/N), (Y/N), (Y/N). Finally tracked you down.” Speak of the devil.

“Alex,” she sighed heavily as she turned halfway, catching sight of her old partner—and old flame, but that wasn’t important. “Figured you would at some point.” Her eyes narrowed. “What do you want?”

Alex chuckled and leaned against the wall. “No need to be so touchy. I just wanted to talk.”

(Y/N) shook her head and hiked her purse higher onto her shoulder, fingers tightening around the brass knuckles in her pocket.

“If it’s not about my next shift at Super-Babes, I don’t give a rat’s ass what it is,” she countered, glaring at him.

“That’s where you’ve been working?” he questioned, but his tone gave way to the knowingness in his gaze. “Really?”

“Not like there’s anywhere else for ex-thieves to apply, Alex,” (Y/N) grumbled. “Employers are pretty meticulous when it comes to criminal records.”

“I’m not.”

She glowered at him. “I’m not interested in whatever you want me to do for you.”

“Even if you’ll get paid?” he suggested.

“I can’t believe I’m going to ask,” she sighed, eyes narrowing at the grin that split across his face. “What are you doing?”

Alex pulled out a file and walked up to her. “I knew you couldn’t resist a big payout.”

“Fuck you,” she grunted, swiping the manilla folder from him. “Shine a light for me.”

He pulled out his phone and flicked his flashlight on, watching as she read the papers, occasionally flipping the sheets.

All at once, she paused and gaped at him. “Wayne Manor?” She blinked. “You wanna `excavate Wayne Manor?”

Alex nodded and turned the flashlight off, stowing the phone back into his pocket. “Good plan, isn’t it?”

(Y/N) breathed in shock and lowered the folder. “Are you insane?”

“I’m failing to see your issue with this.”

“You want to excavate the home of a dead man. You really can’t see the issue with it?”

“That he’s dead?” Alex offered. “Technically that’s not graverobbing. He’s been dead for like a year and a half.”

(Y/N) turned and took a step. “That’s not the issue Alex!” She spun back around and hissed, “Bruce Wayne was Batman.”

“Keyword was. Not anymore.”

“I don’t give a shit. If Bruce Wayne was Batman, then there’s a very strong chance that there’s still defenses laid around the grounds.”

“In that pile of rubble? Not likely, but that’s why I need you to help me.”

“No,” (Y/N) declared. “I’m not going anywhere near that place.”

Alex let out a sigh and crossed his arms over his chest. “And why not? You never really liked Batman. Didn’t he put you in jail once or twice?”

“Bruce Wayne was a good man that did his best to help this city whether he was dressed as Batman or not.” She affirmed. “He saved people, gave them jobs, helped them turn their lives around. No,” she shook her head. “I don’t want any part of this job, Alex. Now, later, or forever. I’m trying to do better, and you should too.”

Alex scoffed. “Oh please, getting tips for dressing like slutty Wonder Woman isn’t doing better (Y/N), and you know it.”

She ignored the insult and shrugged. “Maybe not, but I go to sleep at night knowing that I’m not going to get shot by Red Hood or some greedy gangbanger.”

At that, Alex paused and stared at her. “Are you really afraid of that prick?”

(Y/N) scowled. “That pricktook out Black Mask and his entire operation within twenty-four hoursthen immediately turned his attention on the rest of the scumbags in this city.” Taking a step towards him, she added, “He doesn’t break bones and leave you lying in pain like Batman did, Alex. He makes sure you don’t get up again. Ever. I’m not risking my neck for anything that’s stuck in Wayne’s basement.”

The man across from her was silent for a moment, then sighed. “I can’t sway you in any way?”

She yanked her hand out of her jacket pocket and flashed the knuckles around her hand. “I’d stop swaying and start running instead.”

Alex opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was, “Oh fuck!” then he spun around and hauled off like his ass was on fire.

(Y/N) stood there dumbfounded. Sure, she could be intimidating, but there was no way she was that scary. Instead of questioning it, she shrugged and shoved the folder into her skirt, then turned sharply on her heel to start on her way back to her apartment. Until she walked straight into someone’s chest.

She gasped as she stumbled backwards, knowing she was going to fall on her ass when strong hands grasped her upper arms, keeping her upright. (Y/N) looked up and met the very man she’d been talking about. Suddenly, Alex’s explicative and escape made perfect sense.

“Oh fuck!” she blurted out, and impulsively swung her knuckled fist at the jaw of his helmet. He caught her hand with an ease and spun her around, pressing her front up against the brick wall.

“Fuck me. Oh, fuck me,” she hissed, cursing herself for not telling Alex to stick it where the sun didn’t shine the second he found her. Now here she was about to get murdered by a trigger-happy vigilante with a grudge.

“Really? Right here? But someone could see us?” The humor in his tone drew a startled laugh from her and she pressed her cheek against the wall, so she could see him.

“I swear to God I don’t have anything to do with him. Fuck, I’ll tell you whatever you want about him and his plan if you don’t kill me.” (Y/N) sucked in a breath. “Please don’t kill me. I swear I stopped pulling heists after Halloween last year. I work a decent job. I keep my nose clean. I don’t get involved in that shit anymore. Please, God, don’t—”

“Will you stop talking for like ten seconds?” Red Hood griped, one hand leaving the grasp he had on her arms behind her back to feel around her middle.

“HEY!” she shouted, thrashing wildly. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!”

He pressed her harder to the wall. “I’m not gonna hurt you. Calm down.”

“I’ll calm down when you get your fucking hands out of my skirt your fucking pervert!” (Y/N) spat, leaning on one leg to kick at him with the other.

“All I want is what’s in your skirt,” he sighed and pressed one of his thighs against the one kicking him. “Christ,you’re a handful.”

“And you’re a fucking sicko!” she retorted indignantly. “Is this how you get your rocks off? Assaulting innocent women? You’re so fucking disgu—”

“Got it,” Red Hood declared, and yanked out the file she’d shoved in the side of her skirt. (Y/N) fell silent when he held it beside her head. “See, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

She could tell he was smirking behind the red helmet and she scowled at him. “You’re fucked up, buddy.”

Shrugging, he flipped open the file and started reading. “Would’ve been easier if you hadn’t tried to run on me.”

“Well excuse me for thinking I was about to get murdered and having the initial instinct to haul ass.”

Red Hood chuckled at that, and despite how wrong the entire situation was, the low drawl made shivers go down her spine.

“Wanna tell me about your friend?” he coaxed and (Y/N) froze.

“He’s not my friend,” she suddenly protested. “I haven’t been around Alex since last year.”

“Really? You two seem fairly chummy.”

(Y/N) craned her neck to look at him. “We used to fuck when we worked together.”

“Mhm,” he hummed knowingly. “Lover’s spat then?”

Barking a laugh, she countered, “Like you wouldn’t believe.” She stared at him. “I got out when you started putting people down. Didn’t want to be a casualty.”

“That’ll do it,” he snickered. “So, you don’t know what Alex’s been up to since last year?”

“No, and I want it to stay that way, but he thinks that if he waves enough heists in my face, I’ll cave and run back to the money.” (Y/N) groaned and rested her head against the wall. “Look, I don’t know what he’s planning, and I don’t care. I don’t want anything to do with whatever that plan it. Honest to God.”

She gazed at him, feeling something akin to tears gathering in her vision, and pled, “Take the file. Hell, take all the money I’ve got in my purse if you want, just don’t kill me.” A single tear ran down her cheek. “Please, I’m begging you. I don’t wanna die now.”

Red Hood’s weight disappeared from her back and he murmured, “I’m not going to hurt you. I want the opposite in fact.” The honesty in his words made her body feel weak and her knees started to go out beneath her. “And there she goes.” He caught her before she fell.

Gently lowering her to the ground, he helped her sit against the wall. (Y/N) leaned her head back and let out a long sigh.

“Oh, thank God.”

He laughed. “Life flashing before your eyes?”

She gave a half-hearted smile. “You’ve got no idea.”

This time when he laughed, it was dark, and it made her stomach churn. “Actually, I do.”

An uncomfortable silence fell over them, then he knelt in front of her, handing her purse back to her.

“Here.”

(Y/N) took it with a nod and stared at him. “So, what happens now?”

He was quiet for a moment, then he waved the file. “I go stop your friends from digging around Batman’s home.”

“Good luck,” she replied, starting to her feet when he tutted.

“Ah-ah-ah.” He motioned for her to sit back down. “We’re not done yet.”

She grunted at him. “What do you want?”

“Information on your friends.”

(Y/N) felt her brows furrow. “Can’t you find that out yourself?”

Red Hood shrugged. “I could, but I’m always looking to make my job easier.” He observed her for a moment, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of hundred-dollar bills.

Waving it in front of her, he said, “You tell me what you used to do for them and what all they’ve got going on, and you can have this.”

(Y/N)’s jaw went tight as she stared at the roll. That could pay rent and bills for at least two months. She needed the money. Her eyes darted to the mask and she swiped for the roll, but he raised it out of her reach.

“Nope,” he ribbed. “Info first.”

“Ass,” she grumbled, but conceded with a sigh. “Fine. Have it your way.” (Y/N) clambered to her feet and dusted off her tacky skirt, watching as he did the same.

“Follow me to my apartment.” Before he could say a word, she thrust a finger into his chest. “And do it from the rooftops so people don’t see you.” Her face set in a glare. “I don’t need any unwanted guests trying to get in because they saw you following me.”

She started off when Red Hood grabbed her forearm, not harshly, but firm enough to make her stop and stare at him questioningly.

“What’s your name?”

She blinked, not expecting that. “It’s (Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).”

He nodded. “And what did they call you when you worked as a thief?”

(Y/N) huffed. “Not everyone has an alias, Red Hood.”

Chuckling, he retorted, “Yeah, but someone as pretty as you no doubt had one.”

She felt her stomach flutter at his flirt and her cheeks warmed as she looked away and replied, “They used to call me, ‘The Lady in Lace’.”

“The Lady in Lace?” he repeated, then stood next to her and pulled out a grappling gun. “Have a matching outfit, Lady Lace?”

(Y/N) shoved him in the side. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I think I’d rather see,” Red Hood flirted and pressed the button, shooting off towards the roof of the building.

It was gonna be a long night.

[thatsgay-writes]

Elle Greenaway x Reader

Summary: Elle makes a shocking discovery after they catch an unsub. (Follows along season 1 episode 7)

Warning: Criminal Mind stuff

The reader is given a name, for certain purposes and it is third person on purpose.

Word Count: 2.5k

Dr. Thomas Fuller wrote, “with foxes, we must play the fox.”

---

“Bad?” Agent Hotchner asks as Elle handed him a folder. “The worst.” Elle responds as they head to the round table room. Gideon stood in front of a board as he looked at all of the images. “Crawford family. Murdered 3 days ago.” He says just as Derek walked in, “Saw it on the news.” He says as he takes a quick look at the board as he walks by. “They were found in the basement of their house...” Gideon says, still staring at the images. “Bags packed for a vacation they never took.” JJ continues for him. “Report said it was a murder/suicide. The father stabbed the mom, then shot himself.” Derek says as he sits down, still not fully sure as to why they were taking it as a case. “That’s the conclusion the Maryland State police came to. The gun was next to the father, he had gunpower residue on his right hand.” JJ states as she states a few things listed on the report in front of her. “And now you must have some compelling reason to think that Chris Crawford didn’t off his family?” Derek asks, looking to JJ for a response. “Yeah. Another murdered family. The Millers-- found a month ago. The mother, Reese Miller, her two children and her new husband. Again, they were found in the basement and like the Crawford's, their suitcases were packed for a vacation.”

---

“Elle!” Bailey yelled as she ran towards her girlfriend. Elle Greenaway and Bailey Woods had been friends since Kindergarten, both managing to stay in the same school all the way through middle school and up to high school. In 8th grade, they both finally confessed the feelings they held for each other. “Bailey?” Elle asked in concern as she watched her girlfriend run up to her, tears visibly rolling down her face. “Bailey, baby, what’s wrong?” Elle asked as she scooped the younger girl, by a few months, into her arms. “Did someone do something? Tell me who and we can beat them up together.” Elle said, semi-seriously. You just shook your head as you held onto her shirt tightly. It was the week before Junior year ended, the only tears falling from your face should be happy ones. “What happened?” Elle asked concerned, you had never acted like this before. She knew it couldn’t have anything to do with your dad since he was home for the next few months.

Elle made a split second decision and led you out of the school before any of the teachers could notice. “C’mon, let’s go.” She said to you as she opened the passenger door to your car. She had taken the keys from your pocket, knowing you were in no condition to drive. As she drove to your secret spot, you managed to calm down some and were taking deep breaths to calm all the way down. Elle parked in one of the parking spots at the top of the abandoned parking garage and turned off the car. “Can you tell me what’s wrong now?” She asked as she reached over the middle section and grabbed your hand. You took a few more deep breaths before looking up at her, heartbreak shone through your eyes. “I’m moving.”

---

Elle stood outside the interrogation room as she watched Reid talk to Eric Miller. “Is that what this is about, hmm? You think I’m crazy, man? You think I suddenly snapped and slaughtered my own wife and kids?” Eric kept asking questions as he got more and more agitated. “You think I did this? Huh? Is that what you think!?” Eric yelled as he suddenly stood up. Elle looked to Hotch with wide eyes before they entered the room. “Sit down.” Hotch told Eric firmly. Reid was the youngest on the team and it was his first time doing an interrogation solo, so Elle and Hotch were a little protective over him. “Is this your daddy?”

--- South East Washington D.C

Elle sat quietly in her seat as she sat in the back seat of the car as they drove towards the address Hotch and Garcia had found while snooping through the Crawford’s financials. Reid and Hotch both shared a look at the unusually quiet Elle. Usually when in the car, she would be looking over a file or talking to others to understand more about the case but tis time she was just staring out a window. “Is... Um, is everything okay?” Reid asked, his voice going a little high at the end of his question. His question shook Elle out of whatever she was thinking about, “Yeah... Maryland just brings back some memories...” You’ve been here before?” Hotch asks, concerned about the other agent but also making sure that nothing would intervene with the case they were working on. Elle sat silently for a few seconds before answering right as they pulled up to their destination, “No.”

“Federal Agents!” “FBI” “Federal Agents!” “Clear!” Hotch, Elle, and Derek all yelled simultaneously as they busted through the front door of the home. Elle scrunched her nose in disgust at the sight of the home, “Cleanest thing in here...” She muttered as she kicked what looked like an empty dog bowl. She stayed at the front of the house with Gideon and Reid as Derek and Hotch went deeper into the home. She watched with a questioning gaze as Gideon walked over to the wall and picked up a single painting that was hanging. “What’s that?” She asked as Gideon looked down at the drawing. “It’s a child’s painting. It’s a colonial house. Mom, dad, 2 children out front holding hands.” Gideon listed what he saw. “And a big dog.” She states as she looks over his shoulder.

---

Bailey and Elle laid together in her bed, the end of summer coming faster than ever before. She and Elle had spent almost all their time together, going on dates, spending nights at each other’s houses, etc. Anywhere Elle went, Bailey were there, and anywhere Bailey went, Elle was there. Right now the two of them were laying in Bailey’s bed watching T.V. “Stop staring at me.” Elle mumbles as she stares at the television. Bailey lets out a breath of air and rolls her eyes with a groan, “Love meeee, I want attentionnnnn.” She draws out causing Elle to playfully roll her eyes in response. “Fine, come here.” Elle says as she opens her arms out for Bailey to lay in. Bailey plays with Elle’s hair as she laid her head on her girlfriends chest. “I want kisses...” “Bailey repeats over and over again, like a chant. “Geez, someone is clingy today.” Elle states as she sits up and leans back against the wall. Bailey shifted around so she was now straddling Elle. “I leave in 3 weeks... I just wanna kiss my girlfriend.” Bailey pouts as Elle finally gives in. “Okayyyy.” She says with fake annoyance.

Bailey and Elle were deep into a make out session when her door suddenly busted open. “Eww!” “Ezra!” Bailey yelled as her sister covered her eyes with her arms. “Eww! Not you too! Mommy and daddy were doing that too!” The 5 year old yelled causing Bailey to laugh. Bailey gets off of Elle’s lap and picks up her little sister. “Aww,” Bailey says with a fake pout, “Do you feel left out?” Bailey starts kissing all over Ezra’s face causing the little girl to giggle and try to get away. “No! Eww! Stop it!” Ezra yells as she gets out of Bailey’s hold and pretends to rub away the kiss in fake disgust. Bailey just rolls her eyes at her sisters action. “C’mon, let’s go see if Benson is awake. We’ll be right back Elle.” Bailey says over her shoulder as she and Ezra leave the room. Elle laid back on Bailey’s bed as she left the room, staring at the ceiling. All she could think about was how in love with the younger girl she was.

Her train of thought got cut off as a small body was laid on top of hers. Elle immediately moved her arms to hold him and make sure he didn’t fall off of her. “Hey buddy...” She said in a baby voice as Bailey laid down next to her and pulled her into her. Bailey let out a groan as Ezra jumped on top of her before snuggling up. “Alright... What do you want to watch?”

---

“Okay. No, I understand. Yeah, I figured as much. Thank you.” Derek says as he gets off the phone. “He’s been staring at those pictures all morning.” Elle states as she stares at Gideon who is staring at the drawings done by the murdered children. “well, I sure hope he sees a connection cause I’ve checked doctors, lawyers, travel agents, tutors, contract workers. I got nothing.” Derek says as Hotch walks by. “Why target those families?” Elle wonders still watching Gideon. “Well, to know that, we have to know how.” Hotch says as he sits down and continues looking at the file in his hands.

“ We know organized killers are often skilled workers with above-average intelligence. High birth status. And in most cases...male. In the workplace, he's socially confident. And with women...sexually confident. Every offense...is preplanned. Targeting the victim is almost as pleasurable as the actual kill. These guys, they're...they're meticulous. It's a compulsion. Everything has to have its proper place. They do exhaustive amounts of research on their victims. They watch their every move every last detail is observed. Everything has to be written ever so neatly in a book or possibly a journal. When the kids are comin' home from school. When daddy'll be home. Playtime. Suppertime. Bath time. Bedtime. Plan the work...work the plan. This is the way that he maintains control. It's also how he personalizes his target... So nothing's left to chance. Absolutely nothing... Is left out of place, ever. So he plans the work... And when he's good and ready, he works that plan. He takes great pride in his job. I think the workplace has to be the connection.” Derek says as they go over everything they have learned about the unsub.

Gideon walks out of the room he was in with two drawings in his hands. He holds both the pictures up side by side. “Both are by Emily, painted months apart.  This one...is full of color, life. The one I found at Emily's house has lines, dimensions. No color. I believe Emily was coerced to make this. It's a point of view. It is his point of view. This is where the killer stood, just watched the family.” Gideon says after having finally figured out the connection of the paintings to the case. Hotch drops a ring on the desk he was leaning on, letting it spins some before picking it up. “Each of the dead husbands was missing his wedding ring. This is the unsub’s trophy.”

---

Bailey and Elle sat on the edge of the cliff at their special place. Trying to soak up as much time as they could before Bailey had to leave in a few hours. “I can’t believe you’re leaving...” Elle state as she leans her head against Bailey’s shoulder. “We had everything planned out too...” She trails off, looking at the scenery in front of her. “Hey don’t speak like that...” Bailey says as she holds Elle’s face in her hands. “It’s just one school year apart and then we will go to college together like we planned.” Bailey states before she pauses. “Look, I’m going to make you a promise, okay?” Elle raised an eyebrow at Bailey skeptically, promises were a big thing for Bailey, she never broke them. Bailey lets go of Elle’s face and pulls a ring from her pocket. “No before you freak out, this is my dad’s ring.” Bailey says with a slight laugh as she watches Elle’s eyes get big before returning to normal. “Now, you know me and my dad are close... When I was 5 and he got sent on the first deployment I remember, I cried like a baby for weeks on end. It actually got so bad my mom had to take me out of school one time.” Bailey says with a smile as she stares down at the ring in her hand.

“When dad came back and heard about it, he got his ring modified.” Elle watches with slight confusion as Bailey slid the ring a certain way and it split in half. “And now, whenever he gets deployed, I get this half of the ring so I always have a piece of him with me.” Bailey continues her story as she puts the larger part of the ring on a chain. “It’s obviously too big to fit on my ringer so mom bought a chain to put it on.” Bailey says as she puts the chain around Elle’s neck and closes the clasp. “I asked my dad and he said it was okay for me to give my part to you so you know that I am always with you and thinking about you.” Bailey says as she gives Elle a goofy smile. Elle tries to cover her crying but lets a few tears slip. “Hey, it’s okay...” Bailey says as she pulls the girl she loves into a hug. “Senior year will be over before you know it and we’ll be back together again.”

---

The group all sits around the table in silence as Gideon stares into the box that Hotch had found in Karl Arnold’s office. Everyone’s heart dropping as Gideon lets the contents of the small box drop and 8 rings fall onto the table. Every sat in silence feeling remorse for whatever families had lost their life’s to Dr. Arnold. Elle takes a moment to look at each ring and feels herself get nauseous at the sight of one ring that looks a little different from the others. It can’t be... She thinks as she slowly reaches out, ignoring the looks from her friends, and grabs the ring that made her feel sick. She takes a minute to study the ring, her heart beating faster at how familiar it is. She can feel her friends and coworkers staring at her in confusion, wanting to know why she had picked up the ring.

Elle reach's into her shirt a little and pulls out a ring of her own. The group shares a confused look, wondering where the ring had came from and how long she had had it. Elle takes it off the chain and slides the two rings together like she had seen you do ten years ago. The clicking sound it made not only signifying the two rings becoming one but also her heart breaking into two. Elle looks up to see Hotch and Gideon looking at her with a worried face, it was obvious that Elle knew who that ring belonged to. Seeing her friends face’s filled with sorrow was enough for the dam to break and the tears to flow.

---

“Elle! Guess what!” Bailey yelled excitedly into the phone as Elle picked up. Elle laughed at her excitement. “What?” “I get to go on vacation tomorrow!”

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Friday Night Stabby best quotes part 10 (05/02/21)

...

Tango: Skeld[.net] doesn’t have the mute feature. Brody: Yeah, I heard you talking about your bits and that was just awkward for everybody.

...

*Endless and Joker vote for Impulse, which is enough to throw him off* Impulse: OH MY GOD. It is DEFINITELY Joker and Endless! What the- *plays a censor sound effect*

...

Brody: Saw Etho vent after he killed Endless. Tango: Etho, do you have any defence for this? Etho: I don’t like how he’s pushing on me like this. Brody: Well, it’s because I just watched you do it. *pause* Etho: …I had issues getting into the vent…

...

Impulse: I’m pretty sure it was Endless. It was definitely 100% Endless, I saw him venting. Tango, laughing: Look at Impulse! Impulse: I haven’t seen him since we left the table when the match started but I feel it in my bones. Etho: Ohh there’s some salt flying! Impulse: *votes for Endless* I already voted, it’s over. Brody: Impulse, I’ve had this salt before and in solidarity, just for you, I will vote for Endless. Impulse: That’s good. Let’s just make it even. Tango: Let’s just take baggage into all these streams, that’s great. *votes are tied between Endless and skipping* Impulse: Aww, all you skippers ruining it. Brody: That’s what happens when you actually vote, Impulse.

...

Mrs Tango: *votes for Tango* Tango: What the heck, Mrs Tango?! Mrs Tango: Suspect. Tango: Oh. Go crash.

...

Endless, the imposter: Oh, is it Impulse? :D Impulse, the other imposter: I thought we squashed this, Endless!

...

Skizz: Boy, Joker, I tell you what: you are just finding corpses tonight, buddy. Joker: Yep. I am. It’s amazing. Skizz: Uh huh. It’s easy when you’re the one killing them! C’mon, c’mon: sell me. Sell me that it’s not you, you big green monster. Joker: It’s… not me. Skizz: Okay, I’m sold.

...

Joker: *calls emergency meeting* Skizz: Don’t look too much into that! I’m done with my tasks and I need a buddy. That’s why I’m hanging out with you. Joker: Uh huh. Skizz: Well it is! Joker: Uh huh. Skizz: IT IS! I could’ve killed you like a billion times. You’re not that fast! Joker: UH HUH. *votes* Skizz: DON’T YOU DARE!

...

*Impulse and Endless win as imposters* Tango: Oh the irony. The irony! Endless, in a funny voice: Oh my, what has happened here? Oh dear.

...

Evil: I just wanted to tell you guys I love you. You guys are awesome. Etho: Awww. Joker: No YOU’re awesome, Evil. Congratulations on your partnership. Tango: Hey everybody! Evil made partner and Mrs Tango made affiliate! What an amazing week! Endless: And I streamed three times! Yay! Tango: Hey everybody! Endless… too. Impulse, laughing: Jeez… ouch… Brody: Good work, Endless.

...

Brody: Mister Joker, are you voting for Etho? Joker: Yes, because I very strongly believe that it was Etho. Etho: You are incorrect, my sir. And I would appreciate if you would stop voting me. Brody: Oh, well, then! Joker: Well, when you put it THAT way…

...

Endless: Not gonna lie, there’s a good chance I’m the imposter. I haven’t been paying attention. Etho: Don’t say that!!

...

Brody: I didn’t vote for you, Endless. Endless: Thank you, Brodyman :) Tango: I did. Endless: You can go to hell. (one of my favourite FNS quotes ever)

...

Joker: You using a Commodore 64 to play this? I don’t think that’s how this works. Tango: Hey, are you knocking the Commodore 64, my friend? Do we need to have words? Don’t make me take you outside, my friend. Joker: I can’t go outside, man. There’s a pandemic going on. What are you thinking, Tango? Etho: You just can’t associate with humans. You can still associate with bears and stuff. Joker: Oh! Oh, okay.

...

Impulse: Skizz has been dead first, like, 99% of the night. Tango: Skizz, could you just talk to me so I can hear you before you’re dead again? That’d be cool. Skizz: Tango, I- You know what- Tango: I miss hearing your voice, man. It’s like- It’s good, and it’s fun, and then you’re dead, and I don’t get to hear you for ten minutes. Skizz: Aww, I love all of you- Etho: Sorry, Skizz! Skizz: -I love you all. Etho, you’re dead to me.

....

Evil: *calls emergency meeting* Skizz, immediately: Don’t you dare! NOPE NOPE NOPE! Endless: Skizz vented! Skizz: ZIP IT ZIP IT ZIP IT ZIP IT ZIP IT ZIP IT! Endless: I saw Skizz vent. Skizz vented. Skizz: Nope! Nope! Nope! Endless: Skizz went into a- Skizz: Let me say words with my face!

...

Joker: I’m just gonna vote Etho out straight away. Etho: I dare you, Joker. I DARE you.

...

*everyone is voting for Etho on almost no info* Etho: Oh come on! What is this? Tango: I got your back, Etho. *votes for Brody* *votes are revealed, Etho is out* Tango: Nevermind, not good enough. Etho: Joker, I hate you. JOKER, I HATE YOU! Joker: I told you I was gonna do it, Etho!

...

*that same round, Joker is ejected and revealed as imposter*

Skizz: What is going ON with Etho?! Endless: Did Joker just- Did Joker just… sink his partner?! Etho: He did. He pulled the trigger. Like, I wouldn’t have minded but that was a key moment, Joker. You’ve got balls. Joker: *bursts out laughing*

...

*Etho dies first after 6+ rounds as imposter in a row* Skizz: We have to all stick it to Etho! First of all, I literally saw nobody. Can we just send a message and everybody skip? Joker: I think that’s what we were gonna do anyway. Skizz: Etho, I love you buddy! I love you, but I want you to see all these people who don’t care that you’re DEAD! Etho, dead: Ah there’s some salt flowing through the tears, here. Tango: Hey shut up, you’re dead, killer! Skizz: No talking, corpse! Etho: Oh, I’ve never been dead. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Endless: I voted for Impulse. Impulse: Of course you did.

...

Impulse: It is actually ridiculously stupid that [Etho’s] gotten that many imposter rounds tonight. Endless: Yeah, what hacking are you doing, Etho? What’s the deal? Etho: I feel like this happens every time we play: someone gets imposter a lot. Impulse: Exactly, yeah. Someone gets stuck on imposter every time. So I’m saying the code’s not hitting a clean randomiser. Etho, quietly: Whew, they bought it. They don’t suspect my hacks.

...

Impulse, being voted out: You guys suck so bad. You guys suck SO bad. YOU GUYS SUCK SO BAD right now. Do you understand how much you SUCK? You voted off Etho as a JOKE; I FINALLY get imposter, and I almost got it!

...

Etho: I’d like to take this opportunity to defend Tango again. He seems like a stand-up guy. Tango: That’s cool, cuz I voted for you.

...

Etho: I can’t defend Skizzle like I can defend Tango. My queen. Tango: ETHO. Queen?! We have to talk, my friend. *Etho is voted out, Tango voted for Etho* Tango: There we go, that’s good. Etho: Tango…! My queen, I accept your judgement!

...

(for context, Etho is dead and Evil/Endless are the imposters) Impulse: *calls a meeting* Evil: Don’t you do it! Endless: I just saw Evil kill the guy! Tango! Evil: No, you did it! Endless: Wait, who reported it?! What did you see, Impulse? Impulse: Oh, I just pressed the button. I had a feeling that something was gonna happen. Endless: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Impulse: What happened? You guys sound like you saw something. Endless: Evil killed Tango but you- oh… Impulse: Who killed Tango? Evil: It wasn’t me. Endless, miserably: I watched Evil kill Tango but it doesn’t really matter anymore… Impulse: Well, that’s kind of a defeatist attitude. Endless: I thought Impulse reported but he actually called a meeting, so… This game is DUMB. It’s ETHO.

[lilbabycee]

As a part two, omg how about a Drabble of how miles innocently starts telling uncle Bucky and others about the grown up things his daddy told him about HHehshe

READ ALL GOOD

yes yes yes:

your baby likes to talk and even with his limited vocabulary, he can carry on a conversation for a surprisingly long time

his favorite uncle is bucky (naturally, though tony and rhodey are tied at a close second) and because bucky likes to listen, the two of them make the perfect little duo

miles is always excited to tell his “uncle ‘ucky” about his day

(yes he can now say bucky but he learned it as ‘ucky so it will stay as ‘ucky, thank you very much)

bucky listens very attentively to everything miles says, hanging onto every word because that boy has him wrapped around his little finger

so imagine bucky’s surprise when miles tells him about what happened a couple days ago

“...and uncle ‘ucky, i thought daddy hurt mama when they- when they naked and- and in bed but no, i wrong. daddy says it was grown-up things and then mama said-”

all the blood drains from bucky’s face and his entire body freezes as he helps miles build his tower, watching the innocence of the child as he continues to babble about what happened that night

“wait wait, buddy. what did you say?”

miles stops and looks confused

“what?”

“about the grown-up stuff.”

so miles dutifully repeats himself and blinks at bucky

“why you stop?” he whines, tugging at bucky’s hand that’s still limply holding onto a building block

“tony! rhodey!” bucky yells for the genius billionaire and the only man with common sense because he can’t believe his ears

“what’s goin’ on? hey, killer.” tony crouches down and gives your son a high five with a big grin on his face

“oh my god, is that miles?!” rhodey pretends to be surprised by the boy’s presence as he ruffles his hair fondly, making him squeal and reach for his uncle who lifts him into his arms

“miles, tell uncle rhodey and uncle tony what you just told me.”

miles isn’t happy about it but frowning and obviously annoyed, he repeats himself again

tony can’t stop laughing while bucky and rhodey discuss the matter in hushed tones, concerned about what this poor boy must’ve witnessed

you stroll into the room, looking for your son and see him in rhodey’s arms with his thumb in his mouth and a block in his other hand

“there’s my baby!” you walk towards him with your arms out and as miles reaches for you too, rhodey backs away

you’re confused. they’re all looking at you like you’re a monster and rhodey is cradling your son like he’s trying to protect him from you

“what’s going on?” you narrow your eyes and place your hands on your hips. “rhodey, give me my child.”

“i don’t know if i should,” rhodey’s voice is quiet and he sounds betrayed, “after what you’ve exposed this poor boy to.”

“what are you-”

in that moment, realization dawns on you

“oh- ohhhh, right,” you giggle, walking up to rhodey to snatch your son out of his arms and pull his thumb out of his mouth. “not my fault. if you’ve got a bone to pick, steve’s in the training room-”

they basically fall over each other in a rush to get out the door, tony still breathless from laughing, as they go grill steve

“what’d you tell uncle bucky, huh, miles?” you look at him, amused because he’s just thrown his father under the bus

he just shrugs with a smile on his face. he decides he’s done talking and sticks his thumb back in his mouth

i love miles wowowowow