#i based these on a combo of what I think women from the state have hair colors like-women i know irl from those states

[firsttraintovictoriaville]

(using hypnotism) you will release the miss usa hair colors...

...I'm...I'm going to release the Miss USA hair colors....i shall also release the Universities' hair colors I just finished headcanoning under a read more as a bonus

I've also given Miss USAs more dyed hair because it is canon in the fact of Miss Alabama, it is more socially acceptable in the USA for a woman to dye her hair for fun than a man, it more socially acceptable for a man to have gray hair than a woman, and because I am an American woman who dyes her hair so that bleeds into it too

Miss USA-

Blonde- Ohio, Rhode Island, Kansas, Minnesota, Kentucky, California, Hawaii, South Carolina, New York, Connecticut, Georgia, Indiana, Nebraska, Wisconsin, North Carolina, Utah, Wyoming, DC (18/51)

Brunette- Mississippi, Arkansas, Louisiana, New Jersey, Michigan, Idaho, Maine, Missouri, New Hampshire, Texas, North Dakota, South Dakota, Iowa, West Virginia, Alaska (15/51)

Black-haired: Montana, Illinois, Vermont, Massachusetts, Washington, Maryland, New Mexico, Virginia (8/51)

Redhead: Oregon, Arizona, Colorado, Delaware, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania (6/51)

Have dyed their hair a "natural" color:

Tennessee (dyed auburn from blonde) [she wanted to lived her best Jolene life], Alabama (dyed blonde from brown)

Have dyed their hair an "unnatural" color: Florida (flamingo pink ombre on blonde hair), Nevada (light brown dyed whole head bluegreen that's more blue)

Universities-

Blonde- University of Alabama, University of Tennessee (2/8)

Brunette-University of South Carolina (1/8)

Black-haired: Texas Christian University, University of Michigan (2/8)

Red-haired: Auburn University, The Ohio State University (2/8)

Dyed their hair a "natural" color: University of Georgia (has the front/bangs/face framing strands whatever the style is called of her dark brown dyed pink)

[olderthannetfic]

The level of Blood and Soil nationalism that people are trying to claim is somehow “progressive” in the replies of that Greek mythology appropriation post is bizarre! Outright claiming an Italian-American can’t possibly know what it means to be “invested in one’s heritage” simply because they mention their home state in their blog description?!?

It is tbh really disturbing how many people don’t recognize that investment in genetic ancestry + living in a place continuously for thousands of years (the combo of the two) as a marker of identity = an inherently right wing ideology. It doesn’t matter who is saying it — though hopefully it coming from Greece, a European country with a past and present history of violent fascist movements, makes it more obvious. Their ideology is literally used to deny that Asian and African immigrants have a right to be in Greece. Ancient Greek mythology is regularly imposed on other cultures as propaganda attesting to the greatness of “Western culture.” All the blogs of the people posting about that are obsessed with the idea that their ethic Greek identity living continuously in Greece somehow gives them some mystical connection to a religion their ancestors haven’t practiced in nearly two millennia. But a descendant of immigrants in the US can’t have a connection to the culture of relatives in living memory, apparently. I definitely don’t feel some kind of way about this as a black person who had their ancestors’ culture forcibly stripped from them. Being able to know that shit and have that unbroken line backward is a privilege, frankly. No wonder a lot of us over the years have had to find solace in other mythologies.

I just hope that people are using their critical thinking skills and not falling for how people are abusing the language of cultural appropriation and diversity and sensitivity to sell an inherently right wing ideology (and let’s not even go into how a lot of investment in pre-Christian European paganism, especially coming from these kinds of nationalists, is based in the antisemitism of Christianity “coming from a Jew.” Specifically when it’s coming from ethnonationalists, I’m not saying other kinds of pagans are like this). This is why I think it’s important to name specific problems when talking about cultural appropriation. When you just make it about “taking from a culture that’s not your own” without tying it into larger power structures then it just opens the door for ethnonationalist weirdos like this, claiming that people with objectively less power than them are somehow doing them harm. Or even when they claim “you can do it just do it right!” they manage to claim that people with graduate degrees in Ancient Greece are somehow “doing it wrong” purely because they have the wrong ethnicity, like Madeline Miller. How does that not reduce it to blood and soil yet again? It’s saying that only people with that blood and soil (maybe I should use the original German, Blut und Boden — I just think that makes it more obvious for people what this ideology is, you know?) can “really know,” that there’s no amount of expertise those of us of different ethnicity and geography can acquire. It’s ethnonationalism, pure and simple.

And I don’t care if I make those right wingers sad. At some point just like with stuff like “white women’s tears” you have to recognize that people’s claims of hurt feelings aren’t the most important thing when they’re furthering oppressive ideas. Maybe it’s easier for me to do this as a black woman, but I hope other people (including white people) can learn to recognize these rhetorical games so they don’t fall for it either. Someone can be sad and also wrong, even offensively wrong! Blut und Boden ideology in every country (including Greece) has a high body count.

--

[writingsofwesteros]

#haunting with lust

Bit of a combo with the names but thoughts on Warren??? Matches well if we think he’s a sneaky bastard son of Lyonel and is Harwin and Larys’ brother…

-

The Targaryen girl relaxes into the plush fabric of the library’s chaise, her nightgown concealed by a hefty embroidered robe. Even in a relaxed state, the girl is clearly a highborn lady, exuding regality and poise. And yet, the words in the book the girl laps up would be nothing expected of a highborn lady. She had struggled to choose a book for her late night escapade, instead her eyes resorting to flitting across the spines hoping to find a spark of interest. She had almost given up when she saw one book. No title or author, only a deep purple cover. A curious flick through the pages had her pausing, heart racing as she scanned the words. Never had she read such provocative sentences or seen such customs written in such… vivid detail. And now as she lay on the chaise, she wished to never tear her eyes from the scandalous writings.

That’s how the Strong bastard finds her; A slight figure gripping the unnamed book, wide-eyed with softly parted lips as she stretches out across the pillows. His gaze catches the way her legs are more exposed than is proper, her nightgown having ridden up as she shuffled. The candlelight reflects off her skin, the sheen more tantalising to him than expected. He draws his focus back to her face at the sound of a small gasp breaking the silence. She seemed to have read a particularly delicious sentence he guessed, if only basing his assumptions off the way her thighs clenched and her chest began to heave quicker. His teasing had the poor girl so worked up as of late so it wasn’t surprising to him that the girl now seemed unable to control her desires. After their encounter in the hall earlier, he knew he was getting closer to her breaking. Every dream brought her closer to him - to her seeking solace in his arms. As his sister had shown him, the Targaryen’s were still human.

“Good evening, my Lady,” he quips, breaking the silence in the library. The older man smirks at the shock that courses through the girls body, her body shooting up to a seated position. He watches the way she tries to compose herself, as if her core had not been clenching around nothing at the words she read. “I trust you are having a pleasant evening?”

The girl can barely get any words out, only spluttering. “What are you doing here?” she manages to gasp out, heart racing at the sight of him. It would be so shameful to admit that she had pictured him as she read about the acts that occurred between men and women, and yet, he stared at her like he knew.

“I came to find a new read for the night, and yet it seems that I have found something much more interesting in its stead. I see you have found one of the more interesting books in Harrenhal’s collection…”

The girl can only stare as his eyes travel down to the unnamed book, the flush creeping up her neck and across her face amusing him. He watches as she leaps up, immediately attempting to depart from the room. It only amuses more when she attempts to push past him. However, much to the girls dismay, she makes it no further than the threshold of the room, for large hands grip at her waist keeping her stationary. He leans down to speak into her ear, his voice so quiet she almost cannot hear.

“I think it’s time we have a discussion, don’t you?”

The Strong bastard can only smirk down at the girl as she begins to tremble. He has finally got her exactly where he wants her: frustrated and alone, and oh so needy for someone to finally relieve the ache between her thighs.

Warren is HOT!

The Princess can only stare up at him; eyes so wide and her heart pounding in her ears. Gods, was this another dream, she thought to herself? Had she fallen asleep in the chair of the library with this book lulling her.

A spark of fear came over her at the thought of not knowing if she was awake or not but the feel of him so close had those worries moving from her mind, for now.

His larger hand rested on her thigh as he leaned impossibly closer; her mouth watering scent coming over him

[navxry]

Thanks to @harmonysanreads and for that anon, now I can't stop thinking about Kafka and Himeko fighting over HSR! Navi who probably is associated with the astral express.

(blurb, putting this under a read more because it's very indulgent, and I might not make this reader based HSIDHDIEJE ignore me I'm just being a little shit lmao)

HSR! Navi who used to be tied up to some bad companies/groups before leaving to join the express, mostly because of the Nameless Trio and the trailblazer managing to get them to join. They're not much of a talker and prefer to keep things to themselves, but it didn't mean that the express welcomed them to their open arms, Himeko included.

Himeko and Welt probably discussed how things will go with the new recruit, mostly due to the previous passengers and meetings with visitors being... Eventful so to speak. Although she's welcoming to new faces, Himeko feels like she's met HSR! Navi before and Welt expresses that concern to be akin to deja vu.

Himeko and HSR! Navi who most likely hits it off well, with her brewing the two coffee as they chat about how their life is like. They'd inform her of their issue that the world the trio saved them had been riddled with corruption, something akin to the stellaron going haywire and affecting their livelihood—they even stated that they weren't able to get a stable grip themselves as it affected them.

Himeko, being the caring individual she is, offers to try and remedy with the effects of the stellaron. She coined it as simply giving them exposure therapy— "it'll be good for you," she says, and it was a relief to her when they agree to it.

Cut to when the group decide to go to the next planet to check, and Himeko noticed that the Stellaron Hunters have decided to pay them a visit once more. Though she expressed to HSR! Navi to hide back in their room (that she, of course, assigned next to hers), Kafka steps in and seemingly cuts her off from what she plans to do.

Kafka who recognizes HSR! Navi from the previous planet she and the other went, and instead of being displeased or anything of the sort, she seem to greet them like they're old friends and gave Himeko that look. To make it clear to the woman she has her hands on them first, she even pulls them to her side and whispers something to their ear—

—and of course, Himeko doesn't like that in the slightest.

The matter is dealt with as the individual tied between them tries to resolve the issue, but it was simply delaying the inevitable. After all, they were roped into the web of strings by the spider, and breaking free only meant being drawn to the comforting (and dangerous) flames to their side.

A dangerous combo... And even worse when they decide to head to Penacony, where they get to meet Black Swan; someone who advises them to break free from the two as both are dangerous to their degree.

Kafka's possessive, and Himeko's protective— both sides are nice in its niche, but obsessing over one person was bound to cause issues. Indeed, they both clash, but HSR! Navi never meant to have these two women to get even worse when they're involved.

Black Swan gave them advice to try and deal with the matter— simply leave the Express and cease contact, she says. It was the only way to resolve the matter between both sides, but HSR Navi couldn't even figure out another place where they'd be safe without the Express OR the Hunters getting them.

Such a shame that, just like a bird who's been trapped in a cage, there were eyes peering over them and their every move.

Time will only tell if they can even get out of it themselves, for these eyes never sleep when their darling is amok.

[autisticcassandracain]

I have many thoughts on the weird phenomena in the DC fandom and the Batfam fandom specifically where probably the majority of people just straight up. haven’t interacted with the source material. and almost all of those thoughts can be summarized as ‘lmao that’s weird and mildly concerning’.

and because I’m annoying I will list them all here right now <3

1. To preface this post, I mean, obviously, comics are inaccessible as all hell, both in the disability kind of way and the ‘you need to understand the concept of hypertime to fully comprehend the DC timeline’ kind of way. Because of this, even if you don’t have a disability that prevents you from reading comics, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at the amount of comics you need to read to have even a base understanding of a character and go ‘no thanks <3′ and just enjoy fanart and fanfic in a vacuum. Ultimately, this is fandom, this is supposed to be fun, it doesn’t really matter.

2. That said, it’s VERY weird to me that the majority of this fandom just straight up hasn’t interacted with the source material, and moreover, that it’s considered rude to tell people that they should do so. It’s especially weird considering the amount of fanon-only fans I’ve seen who straight up have a superiority complex over canon. The idea that it’s gatekeeping to tell fans of something to actually interact with canon is just. so weird, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what ‘gatekeeping’ actually entails. 

3. But honestly I’m less interested in discussing the ways in which canon and fanon fans should interact with each other (personally, I think it would be helpful to create separate tags of some kind, but that’d require quite a big overhaul of the current fandom state) than in figuring out how this actually happened in the first place. On the one hand, it’s obvious; long-running superhero comics the way DC writes them have made themselves so thoroughly inaccessible that most people are simply too daunted to even try. Most media has a cohesive beginning and end (or at least, a planned end somewhere). Comics just... don’t.

But I do think it says something that, even among people who are clearly interested in the characters (since they have, you know, entire blogs about them), the effort to get into comics just seems to be too much to even bother. This really doesn’t bode well for the future of DC Comics. Obviously, I am no expert on anything at all ever, but I’d personally be surprised if DC survives beyond the few decades, at least in its current form/without a big overhaul.

4. But on the other hand, I don’t think the confusing state of DC Comics is the only thing to blame here. Fandom has a well-known problem with reducing any character down to archetypes to more easily ship and write fic/make content with. This problem is particularly prominent in fanfic, which, if you read enough of it, you’ll eventually start seeing not just the same tropes and trends, but essentially the same fics over and over again. And not just within the same fandom; everywhere, or every large fandom, at least. 

Fanon Batfam is entirely built on a bunch of those tropes; insecure/depressed sadboy Tim, team mom with optional hidden trauma/emotional problems Dick, bad boy with a heart of gold + sadboy combo Jason, abused sadboy Damian/angry easily-villified-for-fic-reasons monster Damian, good dad Bruce for found family fic and bad dad Bruce for angst fic, etc. This all culminates in a found family dynamic that’s generic and malleable to whatever fic the writer wants to write.

(This isn’t getting into the ship fic, which I avoid like the plague because the vast majority of it is incest, but I’d bet real actual money that the tropes in those fics fall under what is often preferred by the Migratory Slash Fandom.)

By having a decent excuse not to get into canon (the inaccessibility of comics) and a, by now, well-established fanon fandom, many fans feel free to use the batfam fandom as essentially an excuse to write whatever fic with reduced archetypes and tropes they personally feel the itch to write, without having to bother with even consuming a canon. This is compounded by the fact that canon itself is often contradictory and frankly bad, meaning that whatever interpretation of a character you want/need to go for your fic is at least theoretically backed up by canon (for example, you can just as easily cast Bruce as an abusive shithole dad who his kids need to get away from as a loving father figure who cares deeply for his children), which you can always use as a defense if people question your characterization.

5. This focus on fandom trends and tropes over actual creativity or care for the characters is also visible in the way bigotry manifests in this fandom; namely, in literally the exact way you’d expect. The female characters and characters of colour are shuffled to the side, non-existent, vilified, and/or reduced to harmful stereotypes. 

Barbara is probably the one I saw the most often in fanfic, but usually just as ‘Dick’s girlfriend’, and even then, she was often vilified for Dick angst (especially in fics about examining Dick’s trauma from his canon sexual assault; Kori also often gets the short end of the stick in those). After that, probably Stephanie, who fanon fans don’t really seem to know what to do with, so she’s basically just there as comic relief waffle girl, most of the time, though sometimes she can be used to either further Tim angst or further vilify Tim, whatever the fic calls for. Cass has gotten included more in batfam fics as of late, likely in response to critiques of fandom racism for leaving her out, but again, it’s clear people don’t actually know what to do with her. She’s often reduced to a racist stereotype of a quite, stoic therapist for whatever guy du jour needs it. That, or she’s in Hong Kong and just not there. Duke especially gets left in the dust in fandom, usually just being non-existent, but when he’s there, he’s almost always nothing more than the straight man for the actual fun characters to play off of. Talia probably has it the worst, though, and almost universally gets vilified by fanon stans in order to write sadboy Damian.

All of this is extremely predictable behaviour and falls entirely in line with general fandom misogyny and racism; ignoring or vilifying women and characters of colour, or using them as very minor characters at best. The only two characters of colour who aren’t regularly left out of fic are Dick and Damian, who are both also conveniently the two characters most often drawn and written in a whitewashed manner. In addition, there’s a real trend of demonizing Damian in fanon fics where he isn’t written as an abused sadboy, which I’d argue is in no small part due to fandom racism, considering Damian’s behaviour is in no way as bad as Jason’s, who doesn’t get anywhere close to the same demonization and gets woobiefied instead. I also find it convenient that Damian is probably the batboy who receives the most vilification in fic, when he’s the most obviously non-white of the batboys they’re willing to acknowledge.

Fandom often cries for more diversity in canon, only to ignore the diversity already there and focus on the same generic white guys. The batfam fandom is a brilliant example of this.

Which is not to say that fandom racism and misogyny isn’t present in the canon parts of the fandom (and canon itself); it absolutely 100% is. But I’ve found that canon fans are also more likely to like and care about at least one of the characters I’ve listed as ignored/vilified, and are willing to create and consume content for them, whereas fanon fans... aren’t, really. I’ve never seen a fan of fanon Cass the way I’ve seen fans of fanon Dick, for example. Obviously, this could just be by coincidence, or I’ve just surrounded myself with people like that, but it’s been a trend I noticed. Racism and misogyny is present in every part of this fandom and should be addressed as such, but I feel like it manifests the most blatantly in the fanon parts of this fandom. 

(I’d also recommend the articles Migratory Slash Fandom’s Focus and Beige Blank Slates, which expand more on the type of fandom racism I think is especially prominent in the batfam fandom, as well as literally every article in the What Fandom Racism Looks Like series.)

6. All this leads me to conclude that the majority of fanon fans don’t actually like the characters all that much; they’re convenient excuses for them to participate in fandom. Which I also think is, in no small part, a reason why so many of them react so negatively to being told to pick up a comic; they came to this fandom specifically to consume it as a fandom, because they wanted the fandom experience without having to consume a canon. 

This is not a phenomena unique to the batfam fandom (again, see the Migratory Slash Fandom), but it does fascinate me. While fandom is often said to be an experience focusing on transformative art, I think it’s also safe to say that, especially as fandom has become more mainstream, an increasing amount of people are looking to it less as a way to engage with their favourite pieces of media, and more as a type of media in and of itself. I think the reasons for this are similar to the reasons mass media entertainment like the MCU are so popular; you gain a lot of enjoyment out of it with very little risk involved. 

By consuming the same fics of the same characters (or the same archetypes) over and over again, you are rarely at risk of being challenged or even disappointed. It’s often very clear right from the start whether or not a fic will appeal to you, and if it isn’t, it’s easy to just look for another one. It requires less emotional investment than most other types of media, even ‘popcorn media’ like the MCU - or, yes, DC Comics. It’s safe, it’s enjoyable, it’s comforting, like McDonalds, but just like McDonalds, it’s ultimately bland and unsubstantial. 

7, TL;DR. Ultimately, I don’t think it’s like, wrong to enjoy the fanon version of the batfam without wanting to engage with canon, and I certainly don’t think it’s okay to harrass people over it. But I do think it’s in large part based on a desire to interact with fandom rather than other pieces of media because people are scared of being let down by those pieces of media (or worse, just uninterested in actually thinking), which is mildly concerning. 

[freddiekluger]

Why Cap Being Internally Closeted Is Not Only Possible, But Valid Representation 

i wrote this to a lot of mitski and onsind, so you can’t blame me for any feelings that bleed through

now i don’t know if it actually exists, but i’ve heard of there being a lot of discourse surrounding the captains story arc regarding his sexuality- i believe the general gist is that having a queer character that remains closeted to themselves is either unrealistic or ‘bad’ representation, and as someone who really treasures the captain and relates to his story so far a lot, i thought i might break this down a bit. 

i’ve divded up every complaint i’ve heard about this into four main questions which i’ll be covering below the ‘keep reading’, because this is gonna be pretty comprehensive. full disclaimer i reference my experiences as an ex-evangelical non binary butch lesbian a couple times, and i spent a year studying repression and the psychological impacts of high demand sexual ethics for my graduating sociology paper, so this is coming with some background to it i swear

the big questions:

can you EVEN be gay and not know it????

but isn't this just ANOTHER coming out arc, and aren't we supposed to be moving beyond those?

but if cap can't have a relationship with a man because he's a ghost, what's the point?

since cap's dead, isn't this technically bury your gays, and isn't that bad? 

1. "but is it really possible to not know? Isn't that bad representation?"

short answer: no and no.

before i get into the validity of the captain's ignorance about his own orientation as 21st century rep, let's break down how the hell the captain can be so clearly attracted to men and still not even consider the possibility that he might be gay, as brought to you by someone who literally experienced this shit.

the captain's particular situation is both a direct result of the lack of information around human sexuality he would have had (aka clear messaging that it's actually possible for him to be attracted to men. i don't mean acceptable or allowed, i mean physically capable of happening- the idea that orientations other than heterosexual exist and are available to him, a man), and a subconscious survival mechanism. the environment in which he lives is outright hostile to gay people, while the military man identity he has constructed for himself doesn't allow for any form of deviation from societal norms, let alone one so base level and major. as a result of this killer combo of information and environment, instincts take over and the mind does it's best to repress the ‘deviant’ feelings until a. one of these two things changes, or b. the act of repression becomes so destructive and/or exhuasting that it becomes impossible to maintain. the key to maintaining a long-term state of repression of desire is diverting that energy elsewhere, and a high-demand group such as the military is the perfect place for the captain to do this (this technqiue is frequented by religions and extremist ideologies worldwide, but that’s not really what we’re here to focus on). 

while the brain is actively repressing ‘deviant’ feelings (aka gay shit), this doesn't mean you don't experience the feelings at all. when performed as a subconscious act of survival, the aim of repression is to minimise/transform the feelings into a state where they can no longer cause immediate danger, and something as big as sexual/romantic orientation is going to keep popping up, but as long as the individual in question never understands what they’re feeling, they’ll be able to continue relatively undisturbed. you know how in heist movies, the leader of the group will only tell each team member part of the plan so they can’t screw things up for everyone else if they get caught? it’s kind of like that.

this is how the captain appears to have operated in life AND in death, and it’s a relatively common experience for lgbtq people who’ve grown up in similar circumstances (aka with a lack of information and in an unfriendly-to-hostile environment), and accounts for how some people can even go on to get married and have children before realising that they’re gay and/or trans. 

personally, while i can now identify what were strong homo crushes all the way back to childhood, at the time i genuinely had no idea. there was the underlying sense that i probably shouldn't tell people how attached i was to these girls because i would seem weird, and that my feelings were stronger than the ones other people used to describe friendships, but like-like them in the way that other girls like-liked boys? no way! actually scratch that, it wasn't even a no way, because i had no idea that i even could. i even had my own havers, at least in terms of the emotional hold and devotion she got from me, except she treated me way less well than cap’s beau. snatches of the existence of lgbt people made it through the cone of silence, i definitely heard the words gay and lesbian, but my levels of informations mirrored those that the captain would have had: virtually none, beyond the idea that these words exist, some people are them, and that's not something that we support or think is okay, so let's just not speak about it. despite only attending religious schools for the first couple years of primary, until i got my own technology and social media accounts to explore lgbtq content on my own- option a out of the two catalysts for change- the possibility of me being gay was not at all on my radar. don’t even get me started on how long it took me to explore butchness and my overall gender, two things which now feel glaringly obvious. 

when shit starts to break down, you can also make the conscious choice to repress which can delay the eventual smashing down of the mental closet door for a time (essentially when the closet door starts to open, you just say ‘no thanks’ and shut it again by pointedly Not Thinking About It). in the abscence of identifying yourself by your attractions, it becomes quite common to identify with a lack- in my case, this meant becoming proud of how sensible and not boy crazy i was, and in the captain’s case, this means becoming proud of how sensible and not sensuous/wild (aka woman crazy) he was, identifying with his LACK of desire for women and partying (which, even in the 40s, involved the expectation of opposite sex romances and hook ups). i’m not saying that’s the only reason he’s a rule follower, but i think the contrast between About Last Night and Perfect Day pretty much support this. (the captain getting on his high horse about general party antics that he inherently felt excluded from because of underlying awareness of his difference & his tendency to project his regimented expectations of himself onto others, vs. joining in the reception party, awareness of how the environment supports difference in the form of clare and sam, and relaxing his own rules by dancing with men- the captain doesn’t mind a party when feels like he has a place there.)

so the captain was operating in a high demand, highly regulated environment (primarily the military, but also early 20th century England itself), with regimented roles, rules, and expectations. working on the assumption that he wouldn't have had out/disclosing lgbt friends, he would have had little to no exposure to lgbt identities, and what information he did receive would have been hushed and negatively geared. while my world started to open up when i started high school was allowed to have my own phone + instagram account, resulting in me realising something wasn't quite 'right' within a few years (making me a relatively early realiser compared to those who don't come out to themselves until adulthood), in life the captain never had that experience. he didn't receive the information he needed, his environment didn't grow less hostile. with the near-exception of havers related heartbreak, his well disciplined and lifelong method of repression never became destructive/exhaustive enough to permanently override the danger signals in his mind and allow him to put his feelings into words. neither of the most common catalysts for change happened for him, so he continued as usual, even after his death.

BUT, and here’s where we come to why this is actually great representation, arrival of mike and Alison represents the opening up of new world. for the first time, the captain is actively made aware of the fact that his environment is no longer hostile, and better than that, it’s affirming. he’s also getting access to positively geared information about lgbtq people and identities, so option a of the two catalysts for change is absolutely present, and resoundingly positive. 

the captain’s arc is also relatively unique as it acknowledges the oppressive nature of his environment, but actually focuses on the internal consequences, and the way that systems like those that the captain lived in succeed because they turn us into our own oppressors. for whatever reason, we repress ourseslves, and often can’t help it, and i find that the significance of the journey to overcome that is often overlooked in more mainstream queer media. perhaps it’s just not very cinematic, or it remains too confronting for cishet audiences, but ghosts manages to touch on it with a lovely amount of humour and hope. Jamie Babbit’s But I’m A Cheerleader is another favourite piece of queer media for the same reasons.

not only does it show this, but as the captain continues to get gayer and lean into some of his less conventional traits (like an interest in fashion and the wedding planning), it shows lgbt people who have been or are going through this that there CAN be a positive outcome. it takes a lot to unlearn all the things that have painted you as wrong, especially when a massive institution is desperate to continue doing so, but you can do it, you can be happy, and it's never too late. (i've been meaning to say that last point for ages for ages, but a mutual beat me to it here)

2. not just another coming out arc

i absolutely support the demand for queer stories that don’t center around coming out (it’s like shrodinger’s queer: if you’re not coming out on screen, do you really even exist?), but i don’t align with the criticisms that the captain should already be out. for the reasons mentioned above, the captain’s particular story is fairly different to the ‘young white teenager who mostly knows gay is fine, it’s just everyone else that’s got the problem, but have a unremarkably straight sounding soundtrack, a trauma porn romance, and a cishet saviour’ that we keep seeing. the captain’s ongoing journey with his sexuality emphasises the overaching theme of the show: recovering from trauma and humanity’s endless capacity for growth, and i think that’s worth showing over and over again until it stops being true.

additionally, while the captain’s journey regarding his gayness is a big part of his character and story, ghosts makes it clear that it’s not the ONLY part, and being gay is far from his ONLY characteristic or dramatic/comedic engine. the fact that i’m even having to congratulate ghosts for doing that really shows how much film and television is struggling huh.

while all queer media is, and should be, subject to criticism, i think if it helps even one person then it absolutely deserves to exist, and i can say i’ve found the captain’s journey to be the lgbt story i’ve found that’s closest to my own, which says a lot considering he’s a dead world war 2 soldier who hangs out with other ghosts including a slutty Tory, a georgian noblewoman, and a literal caveman. 

3. if captain gay, why he no have boyfriend???? 

another complaint that’s been circulating is that since the captain doesn’t, and likely won’t, have a boyfriend, that makes him Bad Representation because it follows the sad single gay trope. i kind of get the logic from this one, and a lot of it is up to personal interpretation, but part of me really enjoys the fact that the captain’s journey towards accepting himself is separated from having a relationship.

coming out is often paired with having romantic/sexual relationships (either as the reason or reward for doing so). my own struggle with repression didn't end the second that came out, and i still struggle with letting myself develop & acknowledge romantic feelings as a result of actively shutting them (and most other feelings in general) down for years, and statistics show that lgbtq youth in particular tend not to live out their 'teen years' until their twenties. by not giving cap a relationship straight away, ghosts separates the act of claiming identity and sexual orientation from finding a partner (two things which are, more often than not, separate), and also provides some very nice validation to folks who have yet to have the relationship they want, especially when lots of mainstream queer media is now jumping on the cishet media bandwagon of acting as if every person loses their virginity and has a life defining relationship at sixteen. it’s essentially a continuation of the earlier theme of “it’s never too late”, and who’s to say the captain won’t get a gay bear ghost boyfriend to go haunt nazis with??? people die all the time, it could happen.

(also, i think him and julian will have definitely shagged at least once. it was a low moment for both of them and they refuse to speak of it.)

lots of asexual/ace spectrum fans have come out to say how much they’ve loved being able to headcanon cap as ace, and while that’s not a headcanon i personally have, i think it’s brilliant that ace fans feel seen by his character- we’re all in this soup together babey (and sorry for cursing everyone still reading this with that cap/julian headcanon. i’m just a vessel)

4. “okay, but cap’s a GHOST- doesn’t that make this Bury Your Gays?”

this is a bit of a complex one, but i’m going to say no as a result of the following break down.

Bury Your Gays (BYG), aka the trope where lgbtq characters are consistently killed off (and often with a heavy dose of trauma, while cishet characters survive) is probably one of my least favourite lgbt media tropes. BYG has two main points:

1. the lgbt character is killed, thus removing them from story entirely- hence the use of the phrase ‘killed OFF’ (killed off of the show/film)

2. the character’s death reinforces the perception that lgbtq people’s lives must end in tragedy, instead of being long and fulfilling, or are inherently less valuable. bonus points if the character is killed in a hate crime or confesses same-gender love right before they die (that one implies that queer love genuinely has no future!)

not every death of an lgbtq character is bury your gays, and i personally feel that the captain is an example of an lgbt death that isn’t. 

first of all, while the captain is dead, so are the vast majority of characters in ghosts. the premise of the show means that death is not the end of the line for its characters- for most of them, it’s the only reason we get to see them on screen at all. as such, the captain being dead doesn’t remove him from the story, so point one is irrelevant.

at the time of posting, we don’t know how or why the captain died, but we've had nothing to suggest his death was in any way related to his latent sexuality, so his mysterious death doesn’t actively play into the supposedly inherent tragedy of queer lives, nor the supposedly lesser value. that’s as of right now- since we don’t know the circumstances of his death it’s a little tough to analyse properly. while the captain’s life absolutely features missed opportunities and it’s fair share of tragedy, hope and growth (which seems to be the theme of this post) abounds in equal measure. the captain may not be alive, but we DO get to see him growing and having a relatively happy existence, that for the most part seems to be getting even better as he learns to open up and be himself unapologetically- that doesn’t feel like BYG to me.

while writng this, it’s just occured to me that death really is a second chance for most of the ghosts, especially with the introduction of alison. from mary learning to read, to thomas finding modern music, they’ve all been given the chance explore things they never could have while they were alive, and hopefully grow enough to one day be sucked off move on.

in conclusion,

i love the captain very much and i hope his arc lives up to the standards it’s set so far. i don’t know where to put this in this post, but i’d alo like to say i LOVE how in Perfect Day, the captain wasn’t used as an educational experienced for fanny at all. i am very tired of people expecting me to be the walking talking homophobe educator and rehabilitator, so the fact that it’s alison and the other ghosts that call fanny out while the captain just gets to have fun with the wedding organisation made me very happy.

here’s a few other cap posts that i’ve done:

the captain’s arc if adam and the film crew stayed

a possible cap coming out 

the captain backstory headcanon

if you’ve read this far,

thank you!

also check out @alex-ghosts-corner , this post inspired me very much to write this

[maldito-arbol]

Let’s talk about zodiacs and TPN Part 1

This is largely inspired by the fact that I talk about the characters’ zodiacs nonstop in the fanfic I’m working on for my tpn witch au, and I’ve been chortling to myself the entire time about how well some of them fit their sign and how some of them just... don’t. I’m going to simply infodump about each character, their sign, element, and some attributes they fit to a t while others don’t make sense. I will also touch on compatibility for all you shippers out there, don’t worryyy. Now this isn’t at all a critique or review of the characters themselves— I know astrology is not the first thing authors consider when choosing character birthdays, if they even do at all, this is simply me rambling about my hyperfixation and projecting onto fictional characters like we all do.

A couple last notes— one character in particular (cough cough Ray) has a different “canon” birthdate from “actual” so I’ll discuss both. Also, while I will be doing surface level research to make sure I’m not talking out of my ass, im not a professional astrologist, I’m simply a witch with an enthusiasm for zodiacs. Well then, without further ado, let’s talk about the kiddos.

Emma

Birthdate: August 22nd

Sign: Leo

Element: Fire

An overview: The funniest thing to me about Emma is that she’s literally the epitome of a Leo. Fire signs are generally very outgoing and energetic—they talk a lot and tend to be the leaders of the packs. Leos in particular are incredibly admirable and truly know their way around a conversation. If I ever wanted to get stuck in an elevator for 48 hours with no wifi or connection to the outside world and only one random stranger to talk to for the entire duration, I would pick a Leo in a heartbeat. Emma is very much the leader-type, she’s someone everyone pauses and listens to when she calls for their attention, and she always prefers to talk her way out of conflict rather than fight—but not in an underhanded manipulative way, no, Leos are very genuine with their feelings and will be upfront about their reasons for their actions.

Take this scene between Emma and Leuvis for example— this to me is about the closest to perfect of a summary of what Leos are like, and how Emma fits her sign beautifully.

She doesn’t want to fight, but she will if she has to—for the good of her friends and the good of humanity. She can stick to her ideals and yet extend a hand to the enemy anyway. This is what makes Leos such a force to be reckoned with in leadership roles.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know, this is the part you’re most excited about. I’m going to attempt to refrain from sharing my opinion on each ship itself, I will simply point out which have the highest compatibility levels. First of all, essentially all signs are most compatible with 1. Other signs of the same element and 2. Their compliment sign, their elemental opposite.

Since Emma is a fire sign, she’s generally compatible with other fire signs (Sagittarius, Aries, and of course Leo) as well as Air signs (Aquarius, Gemini, and Libra). So speaking broadly, she’s compatible of course with Norman as an Aries, as well as Ray IF he truly is an Aquarius. But if we narrow it down a little bit, I should mention that fire signs being fire signs can often clash with each other because both their energies are so high (personal experience lmao), and therefore their elemental opposite, air, are generally the way to go. Usually you’ll find on astrological charts and sites that Leos are most compatible with Geminis and Aquariuses, so Ray again if he is an Aquarius, and then we bring Violet into the picture because she’s a Gemini. (Uh, speaking as a Gemini, Leos are my favorite people to date, and I always seem to crush on them as well. I have a problem. A Leo problem.) I’m so sorry Gilemma shippers but fire and earth signs are like the worst combo, I don’t know how this happened because I love Gilemma with all my heart. The stars simply did not align for us this time

Norman

Birthdate: March 21st

Sign: Aries

Element: Fire

Overview: okay listen. I didn’t believe Norman was an Aries at first because he’s not as high energy as most fire signs, but then the more I thought about it, the more it just makes sense. The most key trait to an Aries is loyalty. They are so incredibly loyal and caring to the people they love that they often neglect themselves in the process. They can be very quick to anger if someone hurts or insults their friend, and are unafraid to start a fight or commit morally gray or even black actions in service of their loved ones. Point is you don’t mess with an Aries’ family or friends. You will get burned.

All the loyalty applies to Norman so incredibly well—the way that his plans and actions revolve entirely around Emma and Ray, and the way that he sacrifices himself for their escape even though he’s terrified of dying. But even more so this loyalty strikes you in the face when he returns as William Minerva, willing and committed to full on genocide all to keep his friends alive and safe. As I’ve said Aries are quick to anger, which seemingly isn’t very present in cool-headed, thoughtful Norman, but then you remember this:

Look at his expression. Even if he doesn’t easily lose his cool, when he does it’s terrifying. So essentially Norman is a much more subtle Aries— he’s not in your face aggressive or full of energy, but he has all the hidden signs. So yeah, I honestly can’t think of any other sign that describes him better. Norman is an Aries.

Compatibility and ships: being a fire sign and all, Norman’s compatibility is actually very similar to Emma’s. He’s compatible with other Fire signs (Sagittarius, Leo, and Aries) as well as Air signs (Libra, Aquarius, and Gemini). Speaking broadly that makes him compatible with Emma and Ray again, but narrowing it down Aries are much better in general with Libras and Leos so congrats Noremma shippers you won.

Ray

“Canon” Birthdate: January 15th

“Actual” Birthdate: February 5th

“Canon” sign: Capricorn

“Actual” sign: Aquarius

“Canon” Element: Earth

“Actual” Element: Air

Overview: alright Ray is a bit of a mixed bag to unpack. Because it’s been stated that Ray’s January 15th birthday is not his actual birthday outside of the source material, then it’s reasonable for me to count both birthdays because people have different ideas of what’s canon and what’s not. Interestingly enough though, Ray does indeed fit well enough into both the Capricorn and Aquarius signs, however I personally believe one shows through him better than the other.

We’ve been talking about fire signs for Emma and Norman so it’s finally time to dive into two other elements! We’ll start with Capricorn then, the Earth sign. The most important thing to remember is that the Earth signs are the most grounded and practical. If you want someone who can give you logical and rational advice, your best bet would be the Earth signs (Air signs are also good at this but this ain’t about them. Although you will notice some overlap in traits between these two, particularly in Capricorns and Aquariuses).

We can already see the ‘practical’ side show through in Ray by the way he hyperfocuses on taking Norman and Emma to escape but insists on leaving the other kids behind. This isn’t to say he doesn’t feel for them, on the contrary, Earth signs are indeed very in tune with their emotions and empathy, but Capricorns really know how to set that part of them aside in favor of the calm and certain route. They like tangible solutions, things they can grasp with the least amount of risk, and they’re very resistant to changes—like giant rocks. This is also noticeable in how Ray gets so very flustered by Norman and Emma’s impulsivity. He clashes with both of them because Earth signs prefer to take things slow while Fire signs just like to make a leap and hope for the best.

Note how Emma says “not that I mind...” meanwhile Ray is out here going “I MIND!!” Which we learn is because of his identity as the spy. He’s got his own plan and a tangible solution to shoot for, and Norman and his impulsivity and Emma going along with it is messing everything up. Thus, he forcibly retakes control of the situation via making a deal with Norman after the traitor is revealed. Very Capricorn stuff.

And if you want an image that just completely sums up the Capricorn in Ray, here you go:

On the OTHER hand, if we’re to go off Ray’s “actual” birthdate, which was so lovingly calculated by Tempo, then we get Aquarius Ray, the Air sign. The most important things to note about the air signs is that they’re the thinkers—the farthest from impulsive, they’re the least in tune with their emotions, and they are oh so horribly indecisive. Where Earth signs will be able to give advice that adheres to both logic and emotion, Air signs stick purely to logic. Where Earth signs are able to make calm and rational decisions, Air signs will agonize over options and often find themselves lost, searching perpetually for a solution with no cracks in it. Hello. I’m an Air sign. :’))

I’m gonna come right out and say it. I hate Aquarius men. Aquarius women and enby folks, they’re great. But Aquarius men? I may, as a Gemini, get along with them in surface level casual conversation, but behind every Aquarius man’s back is a Mal waiting to strangle him the moment I am given the opportunity. I’m so sorry Ray my son but you are not an Aquarius okay. Alright. Well, let’s just talk about the parts of him that do fit Aquarius.

So from the very start Ray is obviously a thinker, someone who considers his options very carefully before he makes a decision, and someone who hates making choices based solely on emotion. In fact, he hates expressing emotions at all. Aquariuses are very good at repressing or hiding their emotions behind other emotions (most air signs are). The most common way to do this is to put up a wall of either numbness or full-on rage. We can see both in Ray.

Instead of showing vulnerability in a healthy way, he would rather do that. Ok cool Ray.

Aquariuses can also be very quiet people, and Ray’s pretty dang quiet for most of the series too. They’re the intellectuals you know are intellectuals even though they aren’t up in your face about it. Their reserved nature makes them 10x scarier when they’re genuinely angry, because boy can an Aquarius rage.

The thing about Aquarius Ray for me here is that while Ray does indeed have Aquarius energy, it’s not the Core of Ray. To me he’s so much more of an Earth sign, so therefore I diagnose Ray with Capricorn.

Compatibility and ships: ok this is a mixed bag again. Now if you got Aquarius Ray then of course he’s compatible with other Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) and Fire signs (Leo, Aries, and Sagittarius), which would make him compatible with Norman and Emma for sure, as well as probably Ayshe for you Rayshe shippers because my personal HC is Aquarius Ayshe.

If you’ve got Capricorn Ray, then Capricorns are compatible with other earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) and their compliment water signs (Cancer, Pisces, and Scorpio), though they’re best with Cancers and Tauruses. So yes, Anna is a Taurus, which makes Rayanna a compatible pair. But guess who’s a Cancer. Don. ALL MY RAYDON SHIPPERS GET OUT HERE YOU COWARDS IM CALLING YOUR NAME. YOU WIN THE SHIP GAME.

Gilda

Birthdate: May 13th

Sign: Taurus

Element: Earth

Overview: So again with the practical and grounded Earth signs. Tauruses now, are the most stubborn of them, which can be a little irritating at times, but it’s also a great asset when you consider how reliable they truly are. They’re bulls, which makes them solid and difficult to move, and you can always fall back on them when you’ve leapt too far ahead. Gilda is of course the epitome of reliable, and her stubbornness does show through at times—like when she’s the one person against Emma going out into danger all the time, constantly trying to talk her down into a more practical and certain solution. She’s also the first to attempt to bring Emma to see Ray’s side of the escape plan, which is very earth sign of both of them good job guys.

Compatibility and ships: I know I know I’m still upset Gilemma isn’t compatible astrologically but we can talk about other Gilda ships! Tauruses are most compatible with other earth signs (Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus) and water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) which makes her compatible with our other lovely Taurus, Anna! Gilanna shippers unite. But they’re best with Cancers and Scorpios, which means Gildon is is at highest compatibility.

Don

Birthdate: July 4th

Sign: Cancer

Element: Water

Overview: HEY YALL ITS TIME TO TALK ABOUT MY LEAST FAVORITE SIGNS: W A T E R. (I’m sorry my water friends, I’m sure you’re lovely, but as an air sign I am always extremely suspicious of water signs at first meeting because our compatibility is so low it might as well not exist) So the water signs are at the absolute highest emotional level. This can make them extraordinarily kind and nurturing, but it can also make them absolutely unreasonable and destructive. None is this more present than in Cancers, one of the most sensitive signs, but also one of the most empathetic. We can tell very clearly in Don that he wears his emotions on his sleeve—he’s unafraid to cry or show his anger, but he also takes very good care of his younger siblings and shows such an intense concern for them that it can become frightening.

He’s such a good boy 🥺

Compatibility and ships: okay so same drill, Cancers are generally compatible with other Water signs (Scorpio, Pisces, and Cancer) as well as Earth signs (Taurus, Capricorn, and Virgo) though their highest compatibility is with Tauruses and Capricorns. So again. GILDON AND RAYDON SHIPPERS R I S E.

God I’m so sorry if I cause a ship war. I rambled for too long and I’m very tired, so you only get these five characters for now. BUT! That’s why it’s a part 1. If you want more please feel free to harass me in my ask inbox about the characters you want me to overanalyze the signs of. Gemini out!

[alltheselights]

Maaaaany truths being spoken here 👀 also I wanted to point out, idk if its just a change of image and style that comes with a new album era, like you’ve discussed before there seems to be a pull between both more casual outfits and circus-y outfits (dublin/turin fit) but I saw a tiktok recently on someone commenting something harry did on stage this tour that «would’ve been soooo hot if he didn’t wear that.» And it was just a clip of energetic harry aggressively kicking about on stage in his pink and yellow pastel madrid outfit, and it made me think how much more colourful and simple his EU fits has been in comparison to his dark slacks, suspenders and various bare chested looks he pulled in the US at the end of fine line era and it made me think about how much certain fans only finds him hot/sexy for what he wears and not how he acts etc. also made me think if its a calculated move from his team to wear more revealing/sexy looks in the US to bring fans to shows or it its simply just fine line slutty era coming to an end

So while there are some fans that only think he’s hot or sexy for what he wears, honestly, I think that’s not as large of a number of fans as people try to claim and I also think people are wrong about what clothing women find sexy. Did people find his leather Grammys look sexy? Of course they did. Is that type of outfit the only thing that people find sexy on Harry? Absolutely not.

I kinda touched on this yesterday when I mentioned how Harry’s femininity is part of his appeal to a lot of women. Harry’s become more popular since he wore a dress in Vogue and that photoshoot was literally everywhere (particularly because of the controversy with the conservative backlash) and Harry’s nail polish, pearls, bright colors, and other more feminine aspects of his style have caught on with a lot of other men BECAUSE women find them appealing. Like I said yesterday, many heterosexual women talk about how Harry was “written by a woman” because he’s masculine while still being in touch with his feminine side and he’s sexy without being threatening. These aspects of Harry’s image, which are directly reflected in his clothing while he’s working (his off duty clothing is very different) and which many Larries and even some other fans try to claim het Harries or the general public hates, are actually a huge part of peoples’ perfect boyfriend fantasy of him.

Of course, there are outfits that people think are ugly. Right now, some of Harry’s stage outfits have inspired TikToks like the one you mentioned and a lot of comments on Twitter and other social media about the clothing being ugly. However, the issue that most people seem to have is not that they aren’t sexy or that they’re too feminine, it’s that the colors and patterns clash. People were widely praising his rainbow jumpsuit from the other day, most of the leather pants/cute t-shirt looks, and even some of the bright or pastel pants/shirts combos when they don’t make your eyes bleed.

Basically, I think people tend to make assumptions about why fans aren’t responding to a certain type of look on Harry based on their own per-conceived (and often inaccurate) ideas about what those fans are attracted to, but I think when you look closer, that’s not actually true in most cases.

The question about whether his looks for the U.S. versus Europe are different is an interesting one, but I don’t think it’s something we can know at this point. Last year’s tour was a different era, like you mentioned, so I don’t think those outfits were necessarily an attempt to look more toned down or sexy to American fans. I also think the suspenders weren’t that sexy, and there were lots of bright and feminine colors in those looks too. His current style started with this era - and he has showed it in the United States during promo (look at his performance on the Today Show and One Night Only in NYC) - but we won’t know if it’ll continue into his U.S. residencies or not until they begin. My assumption is that the outfits will have a similar vibe, but not be exactly the same since it’s basically a different leg of the tour. However, it would be interesting if the looks do turn out to be drastically different or toned down.

[wickedjr89gaming]

I’m working on putting all my sims into a document with the names of the different religions and what sims are in what because I finally realized that would be helpful (besides having it in their spreadsheets, but having it all in one space will be helpful for figuring out sims i’m not currently playing and such) and I figured I might share the religions and what their rules and stuff are here if anyone is interested. Stuff can always change. 

Of course sims may change religions and children are just auto put in the list with their parents but of course may choose a different path. I’m putting their ages next to them (hopefully i’ll remember to change that when sims age up) so I can be like “ah, this sim is a teen/adult now, do they want to choose something else?”.

Also some sims may be in more than one. Some combos make more sense than others. And there are several queer sims in queerphobic religions ... so they’ll be trying to hide that. Some sims may break the rules of their religions, so that’s also a thing. I’ll post the list of who is in what when i’m done with it.

Read more below if you dare

This is my messy notes, my organized chaos.

Cosmicology

Loves Knowledge and Technology Eat whatever (the universe made us this way) Meditate (can read to tot/child) on the universe, life ... No dress code Family/friends is important (don’t need to pump out babies) Open-minded Universe is God No fear of any life states Can use any school (but would probably be kicked out of private - since I see that as religious based here) but homeschool is highly encouraged Can’t hear/talk to me Understand magic is part of the universe, explain it with science Does not pray or worship any God, is not against it per se Random meetings Has book Can have sex whenever Can marry whoever.

Naturism

Worships Gnomes and Fairies Fuck technology Pray and meditate (can read to tot/child) Nature dress code encouraged, not required Family/friends are important (don’t need to pump out babies) Magic (good) is encouraged Can worship other Gods Can hear/talk to me Homeschool Has a book Random meetings All life states are part of nature Can have sex whenever Marry whoever

denominations

Sunflowers – Vegetarian (have no issue with plantsim/zombies/werewolves/vampire Daisies, they were made that way, but look down on the choice Normal sims/aliens/mannequins/witches Daisies make) Daisies – Can eat whatever (plantsims must eat meat in my head, fall here)

Church of Nezerity

Worships some “Ideal Sim” sculpture God aka “Nezerity” Eat whatever Dress conservative Can’t worship other Gods (Orange can) Family is important (having kids highly encouraged) Home or private school encouraged Can’t hear/talk to me Zombies – are abominations. God would never do that. Resurrected people – also abominations. God meant what’s dead to stay dead. Hates what the Reaper is doing. Thinks his reaper job is important but that he’s fucking it up by taking $ to bring people back. Hates the Reaperists. Weekly Sunday meetings Has book

denominations

Purple

Heavier emphasis on kids Queerphobic (same sex pregnancy wasn’t always possible! It’s an abomination! I have the same sex pregnancy mod) Xenophobia (aliens and mannequins weren’t meant for this world, zombies/vampires/werewolves/witches/plantsims are abominations) “Women” can’t do certain things. Are “less than”. (Women in quotations because they are transphobic and not everyone they consider a woman is actually a woman and all that) No birth control No sex before marriage Arranged marriage is normal (or at least have the parents approve)

Orange

Less emphasis on kids (though still important) Not queerphobic (God made us all as we are, gave us the knowledge for same sex pregnancy) Aliens/Mannequins – are fine with. Made from God as well Vampires/Werewolves/Plantsims – confusing but made from God. Can become. Witches – Good witches are good. Bad witches soil the gift from God. Can be a good witch if want to. Women are equal. Birth control is fine. God gave us knowledge. Can Worship other Gods sex whenever, focus on loving and consensual can marry whoever

Red (nezerity + great llama followers)

Worships the Gods (brothers) Nezerity God and the Great Llama Eat whatever Dress conservative Can’t worship other Gods Family is important (having kids highly encouraged) Private or prep school highly encouraged Can’t hear/talk to me Zombies – are abominations. God would never do that. Lazy, disgusting. Weekly Sunday meetings has book queerphobia werewolves/plantsims/aliens/mannequins – abominations vampires – think highly of Witches – magic is of the Gods, use it how you will (bad is encouraged) “Women” can’t do certain things. Are “less than”. birth control is fine power, $$$, loves technology Pray, study their book Seriousness and meanness encouraged Cowplant given by the great llama, must respect it Family – Important for heir Friends – Use them to your advantage or be used yourself Can’t hear/talk to me Murder is fine No sex before marriage arranged marriage

Followers of Jumbok IV

Worships the monkey God Jumbok Eats whatever Tech is whatever Pray and meditate (or study) his teachings (or read to tot/child) Dress code – playful is encouraged but not required Aliens/Mannequins/Witches/Plantsims – are fine with Zombies/Vampires – against. Bad parasite. What’s dead should stay dead. Werewolves – Think is “better than” other life states. Closer to the wild. Respecting Jumbok is important Family/friends is important (don’t need to have kids) Can worship other Gods Home or public school Playfulness is encouraged Can’t hear/talk to me Has book No meetings but please pay respect every so often to Jumbok by going to his temple Can have sex whenever marry whoever

Followers of the Great Llama

Power and $$$ is of the utmost importance Worships The Great Llama Eats whatever Loves technology Pray, well wish, study the book Dress nicely Seriousness and meanness encouraged Cowplant given by the great llama, must respect it Family – Important for heir Friends – Use them to your advantage or be used yourself Prep school encouraged, private school is fine. Only public if can’t afford otherwise. Can’t worship other Gods Weekly Saturday meetings Has book Zombies – lazy, disgusting, abominations Werewolves – against them. Too untamed and wild. Abominations. Aliens/Mannequins/plantsims – fine with Vampires – think highly of Witches – Think good witches are dumb. Evil witchery is encouraged. Can’t hear/talk to me. Murder is fine. Can have sex whenever arranged marriage

Simism

Can hear/talk to me May or may not worship me (lol) Eats and tech is whatever Do whatever No private school, any other open-minded (doesn’t blindly hate any life state, goes by individual person) equality can worship other gods no meetings Has book because why not sex whenever marry whoever

None

Can’t hear/talk to me Worships nothing Eats whatever, tech is whatever Do whatever No private school, any other May be open-minded or close-minded (or in between) No meetings, no book sex whenever marry whoever

Followers of The Great Freezer Bunny

Niceness and giving Worships the great Freezer Bunny Vegetarian is encouraged if you can be, but not required (and understands not all can be) Technology is whatever Pray, study the book (can read to tot/child) Dress however Niceness encouraged Family/Friends important (kids not required) Any school besides private Can worship other Gods Weekly Friday/Saturday meetings Has book Zombies – pity them Alien/mannequins/plantsims – fine with Vampires/Werewolves – Not nice (with the whole vampires can kill you/drink your blood without permission, werewolves can savage ..) Witches – Good is good. Bad is bad. Can’t hear/talk to me sex whenever marry whoever

Followers of The Grilled Cheese Goddess

Worships the grilled cheese goddess Must eat lots of grilled cheese (but doesn’t need to be just grilled cheese) pray to the grilled cheese goddess talk about grilled cheese, etc. learn enough cooking to not burn the glorious grilled cheese any school can worship other gods has books random word of mouth meetings zombies/aliens/mannequins/plantsims/werewolves/witches – fine with vampires – dislike Can’t hear/talk to me sex whenever marry whoever

Followers of the Reaper

Worships the reaper (though has wrong ideas about him) Dress rebel/dark (not required but encouraged) Hates vampires – they are an offense to him Dislikes plantsims Aliens/mannequins/werewolves/witches – are fine with Has Thursday/Saturday meetings Has book Family/friends is whatever (individual interpretation) School – home or public can worship other Gods sex whenever marry whoever, but do you need to marry? Money is pointless. Technology is fine.

denominations

Tombstone

Doesn’t fear death Playfulness encouraged Hates Zombies – Thinks they are an abomination. Reaper isn’t paid enough and the cheapskates, over their “loved” ones, offend him. So he does that to make them pay. Thinks murder can be a blessing. Don’t overwhelm him though! If they were loved, they may be resurrected, if not they are better off in the afterlife. Gives reaper more pay/respect.

Graveyard Dirt

Fears death, highly respects the reaper Seriousness encouraged Loves Zombies – Maybe he doesn’t get paid enough and resurrecting is hard work, so he does his best! Murder is good. Appeases reaper. Especially with the cow plant. Sacrificial for more life.

Each religions relationship with other religions. Of course this is just a basic invisible head of religion. Some sims are much more laid-back than others, with both the rules and how they feel about other religions. And in general sims do what they can to get along in public because of the law at the very least and usually don’t talk about religion with others for fear of starting shit.

Cosmicology relations

Naturism, jumbok followers - thinks they are nuts but holds no ill will Nezerity - can deal with orange just fine, hates the purples and reds Followers of the great llama - hates them Simism and none is fine Likes freezer bunny followers thinks grilled cheese goddess followers are nuts, but it's whatever Reaperists - don't hate tombstone ones but is scared of them. Terrified of the graveyard dirt!

Naturist relations

Has a couple issues with cosmicology but doesn't hate them or anything Nezerity- hate purple and red, can deal with orange gets along ok with jumbok followers hates llama followers, reaperists simism, none and grilled cheese followers is fine gets along with freezer bunny followers

Nezerity relations

Purple relations

hates cosmicology, naturists, jumbok followers, hates red and orange, llama followers, simism, none, freezer bunny, grilled cheese, reaperists

orange relations

dislikes cosmicology, naturists, jumbok, grilled cheese hates nezerity purple and red, llama, simism, none and freezer bunny is ok terrified of reaperism

red relations

hates cosmicology, naturism, orange nezerity, freezer bunny dislikes purple nezerity, grilled cheese, is ok with jumbok, regular great llama, simism, none, reaperists

Jumbok relations

dislikes cosmicology on some things but gets along well enough, dislikes naturists hates nezerity red and purple but just dislikes orange (gets along ok) hates llama, reaperists is ok with simism, none, freezer bunny, grilled cheese,

llama relations

hates cosmicology, naturism, orange nezerity, freezer bunny is ok with nezerity purple and red, grilled cheese, repearists, none dislikes jumbok, simism

simism

depends on the person hates nezerity red and purple, llama, scared of reaperists

freezer bunny relations

likes cosmicology, naturism, orange nezerity, jumbok, simism, grilled cheese, Is ok with none hates red and purple nezerity, llama scared of reaperists

grilled cheese relations

goes by person. Doesn't care. Wants grilled cheese. spread the grilled cheese love.

reaperist relations

tombstone relations

likes cosmicology, jumbok, freezer bunny, naturism is ok, nezerity orange, simism, none, grilled cheese dislikes reaperists graveyard dirt no thoughts on nezerity purple, hates nezerity red, llama

graveyard dirt relations

ok - cosmicology, naturism, nezerity orange, simism, none, freezer bunny, grilled cheese no thoughts on nezerity purple dislikes reaperists tombstone hates - nezerity red, llama

None relations

Is very personal

[doomedandstoned]

Lowen Return with Stunning EP, ‘Unceasing Lamentations’

~By Reek of STOOM~

Art by Hervé Scott Flament

London-based Doomters LOWEN return with an incredible, stripped back-to-bare-bones release next month. "Unceasing Lamentations" consists of 3 evocative, alluring tracks based on ancient Middle Eastern texts and highlighting Nina Saeidi's incredible vocal talent.

First track, "The Exalted One Who Walketh" shimmers with the arid heat of the desert, vocals soaring, plaintive and mesmerising, like a melding of Ofra Haza and Diamanda Galas, backed throughout by Shem Lucas' soulful Oud-style playing. Indeed, the lone vocal combo stretches across all three tracks, bringing a sultry and beguiling presence as powerful and majestic as the heaviest Doom out there.

Lowen have encountered many issues over the last 12 months, and this EP has been cathartic, heartfelt and deeply reconnecting with their roots. A Triumph!

I spoke with both Nina and Shem and posed some questions about the last year and their new release, out June 4th.

The new EP is obviously an accumulation of recent trials and tribulations for the band. How have you coped with such an acrimonious split?

Shem: It was a difficult situation but the core of the band has always been Nina and myself. The music is about her background and Lowen is a vehicle to explore that and always has been. Anyone that is unable or unwilling to accept that simply does not have a place within the band. There are many wonderful musicians that have approached us eager to work with us and that has been very touching.

Nina: As Shem said, it was a very difficult and sad situation that shocked us to our cores when it happened. The extreme nature of having a racially motivated hate crime directed at me by our ex-drummer has in a way allowed us to view it as a clean break from which we can move on without looking back. Shem and I have felt so much more positive and driven now that we can plan and write completely new material together and look to a much brighter future.

The support from our friends and fans in the immediate aftermath was really touching and we are so excited to work with some insanely talented new musicians this summer!

LISTEN: Unceasing Lamentations by Lowen

I'm also assuming that lockdown has played a part in the stripped-back sound? To what extent has this process changed the way you look at and create Music now?

Shem: Unceasing Lamentations is a result of Nina being invited to perform on a Solo basis by the Brighton Doomsday collective as part of their efforts to raise funds to keep the Green Door Store venue in Brighton open in the face of the pandemic. We were so happy with the results that we decided to have Magnus Lindberg of Cult of Luna master the audio so that we could release it.

The songs don’t represent a new direction so much as a pivotal moment in time for the band, we’re still writing our next album to feature big distorted guitars, drums and bass, though I would say that it was wonderful to finally release something that was a lot more eastern in terms of musical composition. It’s a nice bridge between the first album and the resulting musical studies we have undertaken to bring our sound closer to what we both hear in our minds.

Nina: It was so freeing to be able to improvise and really embrace the more Iranian and Eastern aspects of our sound and influence. It’s something I’ve been pushing to do more since we released our first album and I am so excited that we will now be fully putting that into the second one. This EP is more of a captured moment where I expressed the anguish and longing that I was experiencing at the time.

Due to the improvisational aspect of the performance we went in with no plan at all. Apart from the lullaby what you hear are musical choices that were made in that very moment. It can magical to simply give up all control of a creative situation and see what the body spontaneously produces musically.

LISTEN: A Crypt in the Stars by Lowen

The lyrics were based on folk tales or Eastern myths. How did you come to choose them?

Nina: The lyrics for the first two songs are directly taken from cuneiform tablets. The Exalted One Who Walketh is an arrangement of transliterated lines taken from a Sumerian city destruction lamentation referred to as “e-lum didara”. Against Evil Done by the Serpent is a transliteration of Akkadian from a clay tablet that directed the tuning of an instrument through metaphoric comparisons between gods and each string.

I met with renown museo-archeologist Richard Dumbrill and talked with him for several hours on how the words may have been pronounced and sung in the context of ancient music and modern interpretation. Though we will never know how ancient music and language sounded, it is thought that some of it has been preserved in folk music of the areas in which it originated when it comes to the music of the Middle East.

The third song is an Iranian lullaby that embodies the sorrow of war and abandonment felt by many children during the Iran-Iraq war and is still sadly apt for many children in the Middle East today. The lullaby centres on a child who has experienced the trauma of war being comforted by a mother who promises that she will not abandon them as they tread dangerous ground even in their dreams.

I chose all these because I am deeply interested in the history of language and culture in the Middle East. It moves me that music and lyrics that are thousands of years old can be resurrected and performed once more in a context where the sorrows and joys of multiple cultures that were geographically close can be viewed millennia apart.

How is the new line-up going? Any major differences or effects on the dynamic?

Shem: Lowen has always revolved around Nina and myself, but Richard Stevenson (our live bass player) is still very much a part of the band. We have been approached by other musicians who would like to work with us and we are excited to move forward with an array of incredibly talented musicians.

Nina: Our dynamic is stronger than ever as Shem and I are able to write and move forward with much greater speed and productivity than before. We always wrote the music in the past, but now we feel that we are able to be a lot more free creatively.

We are so grateful that we have Richard Stevenson, our live bassist, with us for what will be a very exciting summer in terms of shows. He always brings amazing energy to the stage and has been a dedicated member and friend for years now.

Soon we will be able to reveal who we will have drumming for us live and we can’t wait.

You have always been vocal about political and social issues in the East. What are your hopes for the future?

Nina: My greatest hope will always be for peace. War and political savagery has felt never-ending in the Middle East, and much of it is because of interference and backing from non-Eastern countries that profit from terminal instability and conflict. For example, we’re currently seeing horrendous atrocities in the news with the state of Israel attacking and tearing apart even more innocent lives and I hope that those who are actively campaigning for ceasefire and recognition of what is truly happening in Gaza and Sheikh Jarrah succeed. I’d like to clarify that my criticism of the state of Israel is not tied in with Jewishness or the nature of Judaism, I think it’s important not to veer into anti-semitism and anti-muslim sentiment when noting political matters in Israel.

My personal hope is to be able to go and see my family, who live in other parts of the Middle East, without fear of arrest and execution. I would be overjoyed if women were able to sing in public again and for the LGBTQ+ community in Iran to live without fear of death and persecution.

Will you be planning a tour or appearances at any festivals in the coming year?

Shem: we’re very excited to begin performing live again, the performances prior to pandemic had begun to feature increasing intensity, so we can only imagine what a renewed and focussed line up will add to that, as well as the prospect of playing new material.

Nina: We have a few more shows to announce in what is already feeling like a packed few months of shows around the UK but I can’t say anything yet.

What was the last thing you had to kick to get working again?

Shem: there was nothing to kick per se, but the many many hours of study into eastern music, rhythm and maqam are certainly paying off and the music we are composing now is focussed and features many techniques and devices not widely seen within western music, there’s also a lot of double bass drum!

Nina: A few cobwebs and a couple of boxes in order to find my stage mic after so long.

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[luv4fandoms]

Earth Angel (GabrielXOFC)

(Part 1)

So this doesn't fully follow the Supernatural timeline, somethings have been changed (like Gabriel's death in the au world cause it was stupid and I refuse to accept it lol) so just a heads up. This is also inspired by @askpsychocas 's Angel Courting Ritual post (which I use in my story. Askpsychocas if you want me to take those parts out let me know and I will). This story also has a Scott Pilgram vibe lol.

(Also if anyone knows how to do the "Keep Reading" thing on the mobile app can you let me know? Cause I can't figure it out)

If you would like to be added to a taglist for this story let me know.

Pairing: Gabriel x OFC

Warning: Cussing, killing, slight mention of torture.

Word count: 5,668

https://ko-fi.com/luv4fandoms

(From @askpsychocas 's angel courting ritual)

Step One: Recognize your intended.

Angels are warriors, no matter what rank. Most are attracted to strength of will and faith in their cause. Bright plumage is often utilized. Angels either grow in brighter feathers or they naturally change colour in order to lure in intended mates. Large, well-groomed wings is a sign of vitality.

Obviously, this is a step both modern and traditional courting rituals use.

"Earth angel, earth angel, will you be mine?

My darling dear, love you all the time

I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you"

I sang along as I drove down the road, my latest case bringing me back to my childhood state of Florida. There had been at least three people turn up dead recently, all with their hearts missing, so originally I thought it would be a werewolf, but there have been more and more people talking about the recent "Dogman" sightings...So...Skinwalker maybe? Either way, off I drove from the case I just finished up in Alabama, back home. My stomach growling loudly was the only other noise beside the radio and the car, and it was my indication that it was time to stop in at my favorite diner.

A few more miles and I was pulling into the parking lot of "Sally's diner" a small little place off the beaten track, one you wouldn't find unless you knew about it or were taking the scenic route, but it was a diner that hadn't been touched by time since it opened back in the 50's, and it was a place I visited often when near. Once I parked I noticed a very familiar vehicle a few spaces down, and I couldn't help the smile that formed. Quickly stepping into the diner I was greeted with the smell of fresh brewed coffee and cooked onions...Ah...Home.  Looking around I spotted who you knew would be here, the owners of that familiar car, Sam and Dean Winchester, but what really caught my eye was the person sitting with them,or rather the giant pair of gold wings that sat with them. I looked around, but no one seemed to notice them.

'How does no one notice them?! Ok...maybe only hunters can see them? Maybe he makes them only visible to us...yeah it has to be something like that, just shrug it off Liz'

I mean, Sam and Dean seemed to be getting along with whoever it was...somewhat well...Ok they looked kinda annoyed, Dean more than Sam. So the...Being couldn't be that bad,right?

Heels clicked across checkerboard floors as I made my way over to their booth, the stranger's voice reaching me as I drew closer.

"Come on Dean-o, you love me and you know it" 

"I swear Sam I'm going to kill him" Dean muttered while Sam just shook his head.

"I thought I recognized that beauty out front,and I don't mean my car" I smiled, finally reaching the booth and catching the attention of all three men. The boy's smiles matched my own as they quickly stood from the booth.

"Long time no see" Dean smiled, hugging me tightly before releasing me to Sam who was quick to get a hug in as well.

"How have you been?" He asked.

"Good, just came off a job, though I'm guessing we're here for the same reason" I laughed.

"And who is this beauty?" The new voice spoke again, this time when I turned I could fully see the owner, and well...I was not disappointed. Golden brown hair swept back over a face that couldn't have been much older than the boys, whiskey colored eyes filled with mirth, and...something else, and a smile that was both inviting and also showed mischievousness. To say that the man...Being...was gorgeous would be an understatement, and the golden wings really suited him, both in appearance and, what you suspected to be a very flashy, playful personality.

"Well hey there sweetie, they call me Liz, nice to meet you" I smiled, holding out my hand for him.

"Nice to meet you too" he smirked while taking my hand and kissing the back on it, his eyes never leaving mine before he gave me a wink.

"Ok ok that's enough Gabriel" Dean spoke, causing Gabriel to let go of my hand and me to laugh.

"So, what's a beautiful classy lady like you doing hanging out with these two lumberjacks?" Gabriel asked, scooting over and patting the seat beside him, I sat down before Sam or Dean could protest, but made sure to watch out for his wings, it was bad enough the poor guy was tucking them as much as he could, I didn't wanna sit on them by accident.

"They helped me out on a case a few years ago, we've just kept in touch ever since" I shrugged

"They help when I need it and I help when they need it," I added with a  smile.

"Wait...You're a hunter?" Gabriel asked, looking honestly shocked.

"What? Women can't be hunters?" I teased, he opened his mouth to speak before someone chimed in.

"Here are your drinks, your food will be out soo- Liz! It's good to see you!" The young waitress smiled, Maddie and I were good friends since I started coming to the diner, after I politely publicly embarrassed and pretty much shamed a dude who was grossly hitting on and harassing her.

"It's good to see you too sweetie" I smiled, leaning up to hug her when she leaned down.

"Just passing through again?"

"I may be staying a couple of days this time" 

"Well we are always open for you" she winked before asking

"Your usual?"

"You know me so well Mads" I smiled, she smiled back and with a nod turned to leave.

"You must come here often" Sam laughed

"As often as I can when I'm near" I smiled.

"So, back to the fact that your friend here doesn't think girls can be hunters" I smirked.

"Now I never said that" Gabriel defended himself which caused Sam and Dean to crack a smile.

"I just mean...You don't...there seems to be a uniform with this type of work"

"Flannel?" I asked with a laugh.

"Exactly! And you...Well" he gestured to my figure, my blue polka dotted 50's style top, black cigarette pants, and small heels. my makeup light except a winged liner and bright red lips...it was true...I didn't look like a hunter.

"Sorry, I left my plaid dress in my bag" I smiled.

"I'll take it as a compliment though," I added, giving him a wink.

"So you're saying Liz is too pretty to be a hunter?" Sam asked

"Oh don't worry Sam, you're pretty too" I smiled causing him to chuckle.

"Isn't he though? I keep telling him that" Gabriel teased and I couldn't help but laugh at it, especially when Sam just rolled his eyes.

"Ok now that we have established that Liz and Sam are both pretty" Dean started, earning a glare from his brother.

"I'm guessing you're here for this case too," he added.

"Yeah,though I'm a bit stumped" 

"What's there to be stumped about, classic werewolf" Dean stated.

"See that's what I thought too, until I noticed all of the Dogman sightings being reported recently." I started, leaning onto the table to lower my voice.

"Wait Dogman, really?" Dean asked mockingly.

"Mock all you want to, but I know a hoax from real and Dean, we don't have another moon landing on our hands here"

"Skinwalker?"Sam suggested

"Possibly, but I've never seen one like this, legit looked like the classic wolf on two legs deal" I stated, leaning back in the seat when I heard footsteps approaching. 

"Here you are! One bacon deluxe burger, one complete breakfast combo, and two mega waffle plates. And here is your coffee Liz" Maddie smiled.

"Thank you" Sam and I smiled, Dean already eating, Maddie nodded and left again, I turned to pour syrup onto my waffles when I noticed eyes on me, turning my head I was met with wide eyes and a smile.

"Yes Gabe?" I asked before returning to my syrup task.

"Nothing just...Where have you been all my life?" He asked, causing me to laugh while cutting into my waffles.

"Mostly in Florida" I shrugged

"Until later on, then...well...then I guess it was just catch me if you can" I winked, popping a piece of the sugary goodness in my mouth and giving a small moan at the flavor.

"Still the best waffles ever" 

"So we are thinking what? New monster? A-a skinwolf? Werewalker?" Dean asked.

"Possibly?" I answered

"A werewolf and skinwalker danced the lambda?"Gabriel asked, I simply shrugged.

"Love is love, who are we to judge what two different species do" 

"Yeah expect when that offspring starts killing people"

"Well one good thing, silver kills them both" Sam replied

"There we go, Sam always coming in with the silver lining" I spoke.

"Pun intended?"Gabriel asked before taking another bite.

"Happy accident" I smiled.

As I ate I noticed that neither of the boys mentioned Gabriel's wings, even as they twitched and ruffled from being constrained for so long, poor guy, I hoped it didn't hurt. But the fact that no one had brought it up made me wonder if it was rude to mention them? Or was this such a common occurrence that they were simply used to them? Either way I watched them spread a bit wider while Gabriel stretched once the four of us were outside the diner, I could see now that the color wasn't simply gold, but an array of gold-ish shades, going from a dark gold almost bronze at the base of each feather, up to an almost honey color at each tip. They did shine a bit in the sun but they weren't the glittering gold I had originally thought they were. Though, even in their half stretched state I could tell that they were massive, and if unfurled fully would be very intimidating.

"So, until we know what we are dealing with, why don't you let us handle it" Dean started, but I quickly cut him off.

"Uh no. We ain't doing this damsel in distress thing, I can hold my own just as well as you two can and you know it. And besides, you know this town? These people really well?" After a moment of silence I continued.

"Exactly, so I'm part of this case like it or not" I finished, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You tell em sweetcheeks!" Gabriel spoke, walking up beside me. I noticed now that we weren't sitting, due to my heels I was a few inches taller than him.

"So where is the scooby gang off to first?" He asked.

"Ok fine!" Dean sighed.

"Dean why don't you and Gabriel go to the morgue and Liz and I-" Sam started before Dean and Gabriel both interrupted.

"No I am not getting stuck with him" came from Dean while

"Hey hey how come you get Liz?" Came from Gabriel.

"Hey, the only reason you're even here is because Cas suggested that we take you along" Dean pointed at Gabriel who simply rolled his eyes and looked away from Dean.

"Ok Sam and Dean you two go talk to the families, you're better at that, Gabriel and I will go check out the stiffs" I smiled before turning and making my way to my car before they could say anything. I looked back at Gabriel but found him right beside me.

"I love a woman who can take charge" he winked, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Hunting with those two, you have to, otherwise they steal all the action" I smiled while climbing in the driver seat, I noticed that Gabriel hesitated to climb in, and for a moment I wondered if he was afraid of my driving, but upon leaning over to tease him about it I noticed him looking at my car. I knew she was a beauty, a white 1958 Chevy Impala with gold accents, our cars were the first thing Dean and I bonded over. But what really seemed to be holding his attention was the gold pinstriped wings and name of my car...Angel.

"See something you like?" I giggled, catching his attention as he looked through the window at me, a smile forming before he opened the door and hopped in.

"And soft seats" he said while moving around.

"You really know how to spoil a guy"

"What can I say? I like to treat my men well" I chuckled while backing out of the diner and making my way to the morgue.

"So what was that about someone suggesting that the boys take you along for a ride?" I asked after a moment.

"Ugh, my little brother Cas decided that it would be a grand ole time if I tagged along with Scully and Mulder, said it would be a good bonding experience" he explained. 

"And is it? Do you feel bonded?" I giggled.

"I wouldn't mind bonding with you" he smirked, wiggling his brows and earning another laugh from me. 

"Sorry sweetie, I ain't that type of gal" I replied while pulling up into the parking lot. 

"So is this where we get to pull out our fake badges and pretend to be the FBI?" He asked, raising his hand like he was about to snap his fingers.

"Nope,this is the part where the sheriff knows that I'm a hunter and anything weird that comes in I get a call about" I smiled while stepping out.

"Aww, I wanted to play criminal minds" he pouted, and I had to admit, he could rival Sam in adorableness. 

"Sorry sweetie, maybe some other time" I patted his shoulder before leading the way. Just as I had said, the sheriff let us look at the bodies right away, and yeah...All signs pointed to either werewolf or skinwalker. 

"Well it looks like I'll have to get my silver bullets ready" I sighed while pulling the sheet back on the third vic, Gabriel walked around the room, looking at random things, and for a moment I watched his wings easily avoid everything they might hit before I turned my attention back to the body.

"You really don't have a problem with any of this do you?" Gabriel asked from across the body.

"An innocent person dead? Yeah I got a lot of problems with it"

"No not that, this" he gestured to the body

"Looking at dead bodies, hunting monsters, most women I've met wouldn't go near this kind of stuff"

"Sweetie no offence but it sounds like you've been hanging out with little girls then, not women" I smirked while meeting his eyes, his wings ruffled behind him in almost a shiver motion, jerking slightly open for a split second before hiding behind him again. 

"You know...Maybe you're right" he spoke, his voice quiet, almost as if he were speaking to himself instead of me. I tore my eyes away from his to look back at the body, a young girl, no older than nineteen, heart gone and a lot of her guts too.

"Wait" I tilted my head trying to get a better look at what was attached to where her intestines used to be. 

"Hand me those tweezers please" I asked Gabriel, motioning towards the table behind him. He quickly handed them to me and I plucked the strange fibers off of the body.

"Well agent, any ideas?" Gabriel asked.

"That my lovely partner...Is wolf fur" I stated before adding

"So skinwalker"

"Or Dean-o was right and we are dealing with a skinwolf" Gabriel replied.

"Let's stick with werewalker" I spoke, pushing the body back into its freezer and tossing the gloves off on my way to the door.

"Skinwolf sounds like some really weird porno you'd find on the wrong side of the internet at like one in the morning" I laughed 

"You sound like you're speaking from experience, something you'd like to share with the class?" 

"Trust me, no, I'll leave all the weird stuff to my family" I told him before calling Dean to tell him what we had found, he explained that all three of the vics had gone hiking out at the major state park where their bodies were found. So I agreed to head there and we'd all check it out.

"So you're family, they hunters too?" Gabriel asked when I pulled back out onto the road.

"I'll tell you about mine if you tell me about yours" I smiled, watching him from the corner of your eye. I was hoping maybe some info on his family would help me figure out what he was because honestly the wings were throwing me. My first thought of course was an angel but...I had never met one before...I suppose there could be angels out there, perhaps in hiding or fallen, but if he was hiding why did he show his wings to every hunter? So maybe he was something else? His wings were sure majestic enough to be angelic that was for sure, I had noticed it when you left the police station, the way his wings seemed...brighter almost. They were lighter in color, the base of each feather now a burnt gold instead of bronze, to a lighter honey color at the tips, but what caught my eye was how much more they shined than they did at the diner.

'Maybe the color is attached to his mood?'

"Not much for me to say sweetcheeks, brothers are douches, love em to death but, and dad...dad left a while ago"  he stated, his voice lowering at the last part.

"Yeah my dad left a while ago too" I nodded.

"Is that the reason you started hunting?" He asked.

"Partially, after he left my mom got back together with her first husband..he's a hunter so..didn't take long for all us kids to get into it"

"How many siblings you got?"he asked

"Six counting step siblings. Got one half brother, two blood brothers, a step brother and step sister" Gabriel let out a low whistle that made me laugh.

"Yeah I know, the kicker, I'm the youngest out of them all" 

"Yeah me too, but, that just means that we are the final perfect outcome, all the others were just prototypes" he said with a wave of his hand. I couldn't stop the laugh even if I wanted to, and the look on his face almost made me wonder if his whole goal was to do just that.

"I am so using that at the next family gathering" I told him once I had finally caught my breath.

"So…"Gabriel started after a moment of silence.

"Have you ever wanted to do anything other than hunting?" He asked

"Don't really know" I shrugged

"I've been doing this since I was nine so" I stated.

"So? You've got your whole life ahead of you! Come on, ever wanted to travel?" He asked

"I do travel" I smirked, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Outside of the country, France, Italy, places like that"

"Oh, yeah I guess I always wanted to visit like England. But work keeps me pretty busy, and it's not like hunting really pays the bills" I laughed while pulling up into the park's entrance near Dean's car. You heard Gabriel mumble something as I got out, but it was too low for me to understand, and Dean started talking as soon as I got out. 

"So what did you find out?"

"That you may actually be right" I replied as I made your way over to them.

"That doesn't happen often" Sam joked, earning a glare from Dean.

"The vics were all missing hearts sure, but I found fur on one of them as well"

"Could just be an animal that left that" Sam added

"Wolf fur? Gray wolf fur? Not here in Florida" I replied

"How do you know it was wolf fur?" Dean asked

"My stepdad hunts, more than just monsters, I know my fur" I laughed. 

"Ok well, everyone have their silver?" Sam asked, to which I showed my two loaded pistols and knife. He and Dean nodded before leading the way, leaving Gabriel and I to trail behind.

"You always carry those around?" He asked, nodding towards my weapons.

"Always best to be prepared" I winked, watching as a smile spread on his lips and his wings ruffle behind him. I found myself once again curious about them, were they attached to his emotions? Could he move them like an actual bird? Or did they just kinda do their own thing? They were the same colors as in the car but now with the bright sunlight peeking through the trees, they shimmered much more when you weren't looking right at them, like only if you caught them out of your peripheral did they look like metal. The hike was fairly quiet, the sounds of our collective footfalls and the creatures of the forest the only things meeting my ears, nothing seemed out of place-until we all reached the middle of the park. I knew that there was an old ranger station out this far, had been since the park was zoned, but a while ago they decided to make a new ranger station closer to the trailhead and exit, figuring it would be better than in the middle if someone were to get lost out here. The sounds of a branch snapping behind us had both Gabriel and I turning to look, but not being able to see anything. 

"Gabriel?" Sam asked quietly while surveying our surroundings. 

"There's something there," he replied, eyes darting around the treeline. 

"Just one?" I asked, slowly reaching for my gun.

"No, there's four of them," he stated.

"Four?" Dean asked just before something lunged at him, knocking him over and causing him to let out a grunt.

"Dean!" Sam shouted, turning and shooting the beast as it pinned Dean, jaws snapping at his face while he pushed back. One clip in and finally the thing fell over, motionless beside Dean who quickly got up.

"What the hell is that?!" Dean shouted, wiping the things blood from his face.

"Werewalker" I replied, looking over at the beast who did in fact resemble the beast from every werewolf movie I had seen. The body not quite human but not quite wolf, shaggy gray fur covering the stretched skin, hands and feet now clawed appendages, and the face having a long snout filled with long sharp teeth. 

"Ok that...That isn't natural" Dean spoke, finally regaining his breath.

"Well one good thing, your gunshots and girlish screams chased the other three off" Gabriel stated, still looking around.

"I did not scream" Dean quickly defended, to which Gabriel simply smirked, man he really loved messing with them, and honestly it was quite comical how easily he could do it. 

"We need to find the others" Sam quickly spoke, getting everyone back on task.

"There is an old ranger station not far, that might be their hideout" I told them, already stepping ahead, we needed to get this done, and we needed to do it quickly, if these things got out of state it could lead to a trail of bloody bodies and fast. Gabriel quickly caught up, flanking my right but also slightly in front, the boys on my left. Man if a girl ever wanted to feel protected this was the group to hunt with. About fifteen more minutes of hiking and we could see the collapsing roof of the old station. The building had long since started to decay, broken windows from rowdy teens, and holes in the walls and roof from most likely the same cause. 

"Anything?" I asked, glancing over at Gabriel who's eyes were focused on the building.

"Two inside" 

"Werewalker or?" I inquired further, watching as he focused.

"One's just a skinwalker...The other" he started, trailing off as his eyes widened before he muttered "shit" just as something could be heard running through the trees to our right. Quickly pushing Gabriel aside I unloaded my clip into the beast as it leapt from the brush, dodging it as it's limp body fell to the ground where I had been standing. I was about to ask if he was ok when we heard more noise from our left, Sam and Dean were only able to get a few shots off before they found themselves thrown, Gabriel ran over, an odd silver blade in hand as he began to fight one of the beasts. I reached for my other gun, about to go help when I found myself face first on the ground, a weight holding me down as a growl echoed behind me.

"You stupid hunter bitch!" She yelled, before her weight left my back and I felt her gripping my collar, I reached back to grab her hand but soon I was sent flying. My body collided with the tree before I even felt it, a grunt slipping past my lips as I hit the ground. 

"Liz!" I could hear Dean yell while I tried to fight off the dizziness. 

"You three will not interfere!" She shouted, before letting out a whistle, which was soon followed by the growls and heavy footfalls of more beasts. Who the hell was this woman? Finding my balance I rose to my feet, gun in hand and pointed towards her before she turned to look at me again, a smile on her face revealing sharp teeth. She wasn't the same as them...she was just a werewolf.

"That's cute" she spoke, turning fully towards me now.

"So what did he tell you huh? Or did he just give you a fun night and you were hooked?" She asked, slowly advancing towards me.

"What?" My face showed true confusion at her words, what the hell was she talking about?

"Gabriel" she stated, as if that would explain everything.

"He won't stay, he'll just up and leave one day, no goodbye, no anything" she added...oh...oh she thinks.

"And you'll look everywhere for him, cause he was the only one that ever made you feel alive"

"Listen lady, I don't know what you think, but he and I just met today," I explained.

"Doesn't matter, you're an obstacle, and I'll be damned if I lose him again"she spoke, bolting forward and grabbing my gun before I could get off any shots, her other hand grabbing my wrist and slinging me into a nearby tree. I could hear more gunfire, everyone else still struggling with the werewalkers as I tried to grab my knife.

"Oh no you don't!" She yelled, punching me in the stomach before throwing me back towards the station. I gasped for the air I had lost upon impact, when her face came into view again, her body pinning mine down as her mouth stretched into a smile. I glanced around, Gabriel, was helping Sam finish off one beast while Dean quickly killed another, but what caught my eye was the silver knife nearby, within arms reach, it looked just like the one Gabriel held but he still had his, so this must have fallen off one of the boys? At that moment I didn't care, looking back at the woman as she hovered closer.

"You know, I would turn you, make you one of my pack, but you see...You'd still be in the way..so I think I'll just kill you instead, easier that way" she spoke, mouth opening and starting to lunge forward when her body halted, mouth slowly closing while her eyes widened and she leaned back, examining the blade that now protruded from her ribcage.

"You're right killing is easier" I told her, watching as she slowly fell to the side, her body still as I yanked the blade out of her heart. I pushed her body fully off of me and stood, looking over at the boys who looked just as disheveled. I turned back to the station, remembering Gabriel had said there was a skinwalker in there as well, but the sight I was met with wasn't what I was expecting. A young boy, no older than eighteen was chained to the wall, the lower half of his body already changing to that of one of the beasts. 

"What the hell?" I heard Dean's rough voice ask beside me, we all looked at the kid, barely breathing and too weak to even open his eyes, but somehow found his voice.

"Please" he begged, his pitiful noise causing my eyes to tear up.

"Don't let me become like them" he added, we all looked at him for a moment, this poor kid, life barely begun and he was already a skinwalker...Now he was becoming...Something even worse. I looked away as Dean lifted his gun, seeming to be the only one that had the will to give into the kids request. The sharp sound of the shot rang out and my body jumped a bit, before feeling a hand rest on my shoulder, I looked up to be met with a comforting honey gaze and I nodded at his unspoken message 'it was for the best'.

 Night had fallen by the time we had dug a hole big enough to put all the bodies in and we stood for a moment after Dean threw the match.

"So..I have a question" I started.

"I have a lot- Like who the hell was that?" Dean added as we all looked at Gabriel, who never took his eyes off the fire.

"Her name was Sophia, we met...a while ago"he started

"We had a fling for a bit and then it ended, I'm all for getting crazy, but she was an animal in bed" he added, trying to lighten the mood, but if the resting bitch faces Sam and Dean were giving him were anything to go by, it wasn't working.

"So you mean I almost got killed by your crazy ex girlfriend?" I asked, arms crossed.

"One, I didn't think I would ever see her again, and two, your handled yourself beautifully sugarplum, even against an alpha, you two boneheads need to take notes from this one" Gabriel spoke, gesturing towards me, but his last quip wasn't what caught the boys ears, or mine.

"Alpha?!" I asked, looking down at the now burnt body.

"That was an Alpha?" Sam asked, eyes never leaving Gabriel's form while Dean looked upset.

"Liz just went toe to toe with a fucking alpha?" 

"And she won! She's a lot tougher than she looks." He smiled, walking up behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders. 

"You son of a-" Dean started but I cut off his no doubt, bloody rant about killing Gabe.

"That's how she was turning them so easily, the Skinwalkers" 

"Seems like it, Sophia always said she would do anything to make her pack strong again"Gabriel confirmed.

"I wonder if the bunker has anything about alphas doing stuff like this in the past" Sam spoke, by his quiet tone I knew he was speaking more to himself than anyone else but his words made my ears perk up.

"Bunker?" I asked.

"Yeah it's…" he started but seemed unsure on how to proceed.

"Our home" Dean provided, looking over at Sam.

"Home" I nodded, sure I had a family, but home wasn't something I had for a while. We kinda jumped from safe house to safe house making sure everyone was ok. As if sensing my declining mood, Gabriel draped his arm around my shoulder, the body heat seeping through my cardigan and warming the skin I hadn't even realized was cold. But what really caught my attention was the golden wing that also came to wrap around me as well, the fire causing a more orange glow to overtake the gold, but they still shimmered in the flickering light, and they almost seemed...Fuller. 

"How about we go grab some food, I know I could eat, how about you sweets?" He asked, his face inches from mine as I watched the light of the fire dance across his honey gaze, almost causing them to become the same color as his wings. 

"Yeah, I could eat" I nodded.

"Alright, let's head out"Dean spoke, turning to leave. 

"And uh, if you don't have any more cases...You can come back to the bunker with us, there's plenty of room" Sam suggested, Dean looking back as they both waited for my answer, I thought for a moment, all I really did was travel from case to case, it would be nice to rest for a bit. 

"I'd like that" I smiled, Sam's grin mirroring mine while Dean gave a small smirk. We all began to walk towards the trailhead but I noticed that Gabriel hadn't followed, looking back I noticed he was still by the fire, staring at the now pile of ashes.

'He must be remembering the times he had with her' I thought, and for some reason that thought made my stomach feel uneasy, confused I pushed those feelings aside, they didn't make sense anyways, instead my gaze landed again on Gabriel before I called out.

"You comin' sweetie?" My voice seemingly knocking him out of whatever trance he was in because his head soon lifted so that our eyes locked once more, but this time there was something different in his stare and I watched as his wings rose high above him, stretching out to their full size. The thick mass of feathers glinting in an unearthly way in the flickering light, and for a moment it didn't seem like I was looking at a human form, instead I could almost make out a golden light, something that both held form and didn't, something that seemed ancient and unknown. My breath caught in my throat and I wondered for what felt like the hundredth time today just what he was. Our stare never broke, and I realized what I was seeing lingering in his stare...Determination.

I hope everyone enjoyed part 1! Let me know what you think! Please stay tuned for part 2 and if you would like to be added to a tag list for this story let me know!

[charcubed]

Frank Hudson, Greta, Margaret, & Mary

(PSA: If you’ve been tagged in this post, it’s because I’m crediting you or linking to a meta you wrote! I particularly linked a lot of things at the end I think could be tangentially related. No pressure to read all of this!)

Please allow me to take you on a journey in which I present a theory:

Mary is Frank Hudson’s daughter from a relationship with another woman, and part of her motivation (as a villain, as Moriarty’s agent/possible successor) is to get revenge on Sherlock for having killed her father all those years ago and ruining the drug cartel empire.

I was calling this a crack theory, but uh, given that I’ve now written thousands of words connecting weird dots, I’m gonna say maybe this is potentially not as far-fetched as I initially thought.

Before Sherlock series 4 came out, we were given this delightful niche little “clue” in a Youtube video on the official channel:

It’s always struck me as odd that this was specifically shown in a video advertising / leading up to series 4... when it seemingly never connected to anything. Why this, of all things?

Let’s review what we know about Mr. Frank Hudson.

• He was sentenced to death in Florida; Sherlock ensured his execution. (ASiP)

• He was executed for double murder and the execution was via lethal injection. He was arrested for “blowing someone’s head off.” (TSoT)

• According to Mrs. Hudson, about their relationship: “It was just a whirlwind thing for us. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I just got sort of swept along. And then we moved to Florida. We had a fantastic time, but of course I didn’t know what he was up to” and “It was purely physical between me and Frank. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other.” What Frank was “up to” included a drug cartel and “all the other women.” (TSoT)

• Mrs. Hudson was a typist in Frank’s drug cartel (and an exotic dancer, which is in YouTube videos in-universe). This is also the scene where she’s present to hear enough to figure out that Mary shot Sherlock; in the original script, it’s made obvious that she was eavesdropping even after walking out. (HLV)

• We’re also given repeated reminders in TLD that Mrs. Hudson was/is somewhat of a badass. She tells Sherlock “you’re not my first smackhead, Sherlock Holmes,” and whether or not any of that (the revolver, the kidnapping of Sherlock, the car) is actually literally real, I take it mostly as a blatant reminder that Mrs. Hudson has a past filled with “not good” people.

A lot of this info is given in more comedic moments... but I think because it is repeatedly mentioned with consistent detail, especially largely in season 3 when Mary arrives (partially to mirror John/Mary’s doomed relationship), it shouldn’t be swept aside.

Speaking of Mary, let’s get into it. 

In ACD’s The Sign of Four, Mary Morstan’s story centers heavily around the loss of her father. That’s also the story that involves the Agra treasure, and Mary notably receives 6 pearls in the mail as part of the mystery. Keep all of this in mind because it’s going to be relevant as we go.

First, let’s roll all the way back to The Abominable Bride.

(All transcripts I will be quoting are from the inimitable Ariane DeVere.)

Giles, & Morse Hudson

The abominable bride herself–who I trust we all know mirrors Mary at this point lol–stands on the balcony and aims her guns at people on the street while saying “You?” / “You, or me?” One of the people she aims at is this man, who is listed in the credits as Giles. I always found it odd that he was named, so I decided to look him up in relation to Sherlock Holmes.

“Giles” connects to Giles Conover, the criminal in the 1944 Sherlock Holmes movie The Pearl of Death. That movie is loosely based on ACD’s The Adventure of the Six Napoleans. In the movie, Giles (who is not in the ACD story) stole the Borgia Pearl and hid it in a bust of Napoleon. In case there’s any doubt, we can know for a fact that Moffat and Gatiss are familiar with this movie because they referenced it in TGG previously; the Golem assassin is a nod to The Creeper.

So I was like, why that movie specifically? What’s significant, and how would that connect to the bride?

And as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now... they later referenced that movie again in TST. The writers called back to both the ACD story and the 1944 movie, very specifically. 

Referenced movie details I noticed in TST include the following: Sherlock calls Lestrade “Giles.” The Borgia Pearl (movie phrasing, as opposed to “the black pearl of the Borgias”) is mentioned multiple times; we’ll go back to that. We are also pointedly told by Ajay that one of the members of AGRA was killed via a broken back, which is how a murder happens in the 1944 movie.

As for TST’s references to the original Napoleon story by ACD... there are many, but there’s one thing they pointedly didn’t reference (unless I missed it) that I find interesting: in the ACD story, 3 of the 6 busts were at the shop of a Morse Hudson. Beppo, the criminal in the story, worked at Morse Hudson’s shop to have access to the locations of those 3 busts. Even in The Six Thatchers version on John’s blog, Beppo is the criminal but Morse Hudson was not mentioned. 

So I thought... alright, Morse? What morse code have we seen in the show? Well, there’s UMQRA, from The Hounds of Baskerville.

I poked around and some genius anon on @inevitably-johnlocked​‘s blog once said that if you encode UMQRA with HOUND using a vigenere cypher, you get BAKED. Mary bakes her own bread, according to Sherlock’s deductions in TEH. The abominable bride, in the above scene, shoots at/into a bakery. 

Edit: @rosie_ww on Twitter aka @silverybees​ pointed me to this, from THoB:

SHERLOCK: You’ve been to see Mr Chatterjee again.

MRS HUDSON: Pardon? 

SHERLOCK: Sandwich shop. That’s a new dress, but there’s flour on the sleeve. You wouldn’t dress like that for baking.

(Friendly reminder that shortly thereafter we find out that Mr. Chatterjee has other women)

Does this morse code / BAKED business necessarily mean anything by itself? No, and of anything in this post, it’s the biggest stretch. But it’s still kind of wild, because let’s recap so far:

• We have Morse Hudson in The Adventure of the Six Napoleons, a story which is heavily referenced in TST

• TST heavily connects to Mary / AGRA (we’ll get to how specifically)

• TST also heavily connects to The Pearl of Death, which connects to TAB

• And not only that, but The Pearl of Death connects to the exact scene in TAB where the bride shoots @ Giles and the bread shop. The bread shop could connect to the UMQRA morse code in the show... meaning “Morse” (code, and therefore Hudson) could then connect to Mary.

Morse Hudson -> The Six Napoleons -> TST -> The Pearl of Death (“Giles” etc.) -> TAB (“Giles”) -> Mary, the bride

Oh what a tangled web we weave. That’s a Hudson to Mary.

But let’s keep going. Better stuff to come.

The Black Pearl of the Borgias In TST

Let’s play the game of following the trail of the Black Pearl. Shout out to @miadifferent​ and @impossibleleaf​, because their combo post here I came across was very helpful for showing me the best way to write this out to make it easily understandable. I will be quoting / paraphrasing them below!

The first time we hear about the Pearl, it’s from Mycroft, who connects it to Moriarty’s final activities:

MYCROFT: In the last year of his life, James Moriarty was involved with four political assassinations over 70 assorted robberies and terrorist attacks, including a chemical weapons factory in North Korea and had latterly shown some interest in tracking down the Black Pearl of the Borgias, which is still missing by the way, in case you feel like applying yourself to something practical.

We also learn that the Pearl is somehow connected to London.

HOPKINS: Interpol think, the case of the Borgia Pearl trail leads back to London, so..

So we have Moriarty -> Black Pearl -> London...

And next up, there’s Sherlock’s “fake” deduction about Greta Bengtsdotter (who has always very obviously made us all think about Mary.)

SHERLOCK: Your wife is a spy. That’s right. Her real name is Greta Bengtsdotter. Swedish by birth and probably the most dangerous spy in the world. She’s been operating deep undercover for the past four years now as your wife for one reason only: to get near the American embassy which is across the road from your flat. Tomorrow the U.S. president will be at the embassy as part of an official state visit. As the president greets members of staff, Greta Bengtsdotter, disguised as a twenty-two stone cleaner, will inject the president in the back of the neck with a dangerous new drug hidden inside a secret compartment insider her padded armpit. This drug will then render the president entirely susceptible to the will of their new master, none other than James Moriarty. Moriarty will then use the president as a pawn to destabilize the United Nations General Assembly which is due to vote on a nuclear non-proliferation treaty tipping the balance in favour of a first strike policy against Russia. This chain of events will then prove unstoppable thus precipitating World War 3.

The name “Greta” is derived from the name Margareta, which comes from the Greek word margarites. It means pearl. Further versions of this name are Margarita / Margaret / Maggie.

Thus, we add her in: Moriarty -> Greta -> Black Pearl -> London

So when Sherlock finds the AGRA stick in the busts of Margaret Thatcher, he says to Mary...

SHERLOCK: I was so convinced it was Moriarty, I couldn’t see what was right under my nose. I expected a pearl.

Sherlock expected to find a pearl (Greta / a spy), but instead he found AGRA/Mary’s identity. He actually found what he was looking for, but he just didn’t recognize it.

And it actually still makes sense:

Margaret Thatcher’s bust -> Black Pearl -> Greta (“pearl”, spy) -> Mary (spy) -> AGRA memory stick

That’s how it went in the plot. It’s a subconscious connection.

So what’s ACD have to say about all that then?

This is the point where I remind you...

In ACD’s The Sign of Four, Mary Morstan’s story centers heavily around the loss of her father. That’s also the story that involves the Agra treasure, and Mary notably receives 6 pearls in the mail as part of the mystery. 

So all of this does have connections back to ACD canon; who is surprised?

But what do we know about Mary’s past from the show’s canon in His Last Vow? Let’s look at some other reminders.

SHERLOCK: By your skill set, you are – or were – an intelligence agent. Your accent is currently English but I suspect you are not. You’re on the run from something; you’ve used your skills to disappear; Magnussen knows your secret, which is why you were going to kill him; and I assume you befriended Janine in order to get close to him.

+

MAGNUSSEN: All those wet jobs for the CIA. Ooh! She’s gone a bit... freelance now. Bad girl.

Mary’s not English; she could be Swedish, she could be American, but regardless–Sherlock deduced she’s a linguist in TEH. And either way, she’s worked for America.

Americans crop up a weird amount in BBC Sherlock (and ACD canon too really), and usually in negative contexts. I just want to highlight one American connection from The Abominable Bride, about Emilia Ricoletti:

SHERLOCK: So she decided to make her death count. She was already familiar with the secret societies of America and was able to draw on their methods of fear and intimidation to publicly – very publicly – confront Sir Eustace Carmichael with the sins of his past. 

HOOPER: He knew her out in the States. Promised her everything... marriage, position – and then he had his way with her and threw her over, left her abandoned and penniless.

Also, where was it that Mr. Hudson had his drug cartel? Oh yeah. Florida.

We’ll go back to that.

More Margarets In BBC Sherlock

So we’ve officially got one connection where Margaret relates to Mary. TST makes that pretty clear. 

Now, where else have we encountered the name Margaret in the show?

Three places (at least, that I’ve caught):

1. A Study In Pink.

The first victim of Jeff Hope the serial killer is Sir Jeffrey Patterson. He was having an affair with his personal assistant Helen, despite being married to his wife Margaret Patterson. 

It’s a well-known fact in this fandom that the victims in ASiP are considered mirrors for John Watson, highlighting things that would lead to his own unhappiness/death–possibly even by suicide. (TJLCE video)  So, let’s say Jeffrey Patterson is a mirror for John.

Helen the personal assistant (who says “I love you”) is, perhaps, a mirror for Sherlock. She’s wearing a deep purple shirt.

Does that connect Margaret Patterson, who insists her husband was happy, to Mary? 

MARGARET PATTERSON: My husband was a happy man who lived life to the full. He loved his family and his work – and that he should have taken his own life in this way is a mystery and a shock to all who knew him.

[looks at John’s unhappiness in HLV after a month of marriage, looks at series 4 theories about John faking his suicide / trying to commit suicide, laughs nervously]

Well. Moving on.

2. The Hounds of Baskerville.

Project HOUND was a CIA Classified / American project that Major Barrymore was involved in. The Major is apparently a fan of Margaret Thatcher, and the password to his laptop is Maggie. Sherlock types “Margare” then hesitantly backtracks and writes Maggie and it works. It’s worth noting that in the script it was drafted to just be Margaret.

3. The Sign of Three. 

MRS. HUDSON: My best friend, Margaret – she was my chief bridesmaid. We were going to be best friends forever, we always said that; but I hardly saw her after that. [...] She cried the whole day, saying, “Ooh, it’s the end of an era.” She was probably right, really. I remember she left early. I mean, who leaves a wedding early?

So in BBC Sherlock, the name Margaret is connected to...

• The Margaret Thatcher busts in The Six Thatchers, which connects to Mary/AGRA/pearls/Greta the Swedish spy

• Margaret Patterson, the wife of a mirror for John who was the victim of murder that masqueraded as suicide. This Margaret insists that the John mirror was happy in their marriage, but the John mirror was having an affair with a Sherlock mirror

• Project HOUND, of the CIA. I find this exceedingly interesting because the name "Margaret” has connections to Moriarty/Mary, and this could mean it’s safe to guess that this case is/was connected to the wider Moriarty web. We see Sherlock hallucinate Moriarty when drugged by the fog, sure, but otherwise Moriarty’s handiwork supposedly isn’t involved in this case... but maybe it was indirectly, by Mary in the CIA. Just ruminating.

• Margaret was Mrs. Hudson’s best friend, who left the wedding early when Mrs. Hudson and Frank got married

Re: that last bullet point, here is what I am suggesting as a possibility: Margaret was one of Mr. Hudson’s “other women.” Margaret left the wedding early because she was sad about the marriage, obviously, but maybe she wasn’t in love with Mrs. H like we would naturally assume (per Sherlock leaving the wedding early because he loves John). Maybe Margaret was in love with Mr. Hudson.

Maybe Mary is the daughter of Margaret and Mr. Hudson, and (as previously stated) she’s motivated to get revenge on Sherlock for killing her father and ruining the drug cartel empire. Who knows what would’ve happened to her mother Margaret, in that case, too.

This is speculation, of course, yes. Yet [waves to all the ridiculous web of connections I’ve delved deeply into, and the Frank Hudson hangman] can you blame me?

But, maybe you’re wondering... why would I think she’s the daughter of a Hudson specifically, even aside from all this Margaret stuff? 

Well.

Hudsons In ACD Canon

Where is the name “Hudson” used in ACD canon, other than for Mrs. Hudson?

Three places (that I’ve caught; my ACD canon knowledge is limited):

• Morse Hudson in The Adventure of the Six Napoleons, as discussed above; not mentioned in BBC Sherlock canon for some reason, yet strongly tied to the story that inspired TST.

• A name drop of “Hudson” in The Adventure of the Five Orange Pips.

Quick run-down of some aspects of this case: the client, John Openshaw, asks Holmes for help because a series of mysterious letters seems to be connected with the recent suspicious deaths of his uncle Elias and his father Joseph. The letters included 5 orange pips, and KKK on the envelope. When his uncle received his letter, he burnt a bunch of secret personal papers. One paper survived; it’s on that paper that we see Hudson’s name, associated with the KKK, and otherwise oddly unrelated to the case.

Holmes moved the lamp, and we both bent over the sheet of paper, which showed by its ragged edge that it had indeed been torn from a book. It was headed, “March, 1869,” and beneath were the following enigmatical notices:

“4th. Hudson came. Same old platform.

“7th. Set the pips on McCauley, Paramore, and John Swain of St. Augustine.

“9th. McCauley cleared.

“10th. John Swain cleared.

“12th. Visited Paramore. All well.”

Here are other ~features of interest~ in this case to me: Openshaw’s uncle Elias was a planter in Florida for many years. Florida is mentioned by Holmes as a “notable” state where the KKK formed a branch; the others are Tennessee, Louisiana, the Carolinas, and Georgia (hello to Tbilisi, Georgia being in TST seemingly at random). It is also mentioned that the fear of someone or something is what drove Elias from America to England. There’s also a very random name drop of “Mary” in this story that doesn’t relate to the case, told as part of Openshaw’s story, in which I can only assume Mary was a maid?

OPENSHAW, QUOTING UNCLE ELIAS: “They may do what they like, but I’ll checkmate them still,’ said he with an oath. ‘Tell Mary that I shall want a fire in my room to-day, and send down to Fordham, the Horsham lawyer.’

The fact that the name Mary manages to be in this cracks me up.

The orange pips / secret societies in America / etc. all heavily tie into The Abominable Bride, and the women’s hoods were visually reminiscent of the KKK. Sir Eustace’s line in TAB of “Death” (when he receives the pips) is a direct quote from Elias in this story when he receives his pips–and a quote that Mary echoes in TST when she completes Vivian Norbury’s sentence in the aquarium.

VIVIAN NORBURY: I’m just like the merchant in the story. I thought I could outrun the inevitable. I’ve always been looking over my shoulder; always expecting to see the grim figure of...

MARY: Death.

So, in summary we have: a name drop of Hudson in a story that factors in Florida, Georgia, pips, secret societies, the KKK, and even a name drop of Mary.

• Hudson is the criminal in The Adventure of the Gloria Scott.

This case is the one Holmes credits as his first case, and it inspired his future profession. He’s telling Watson the story. It happened in his university days and centers on his friend Victor Trevor (TFP says hi, lmao). More specifically, it centers on Victor Trevor’s father. I won’t go into all the details, and the plot summary on Wikipedia is good if you’re curious, but–

A quick run-down of some ~features of interest~ in this case: Mr. Trevor the elder is being blackmailed by the criminal Hudson because of their old criminal past together with others. Hudson is threatening him with exposure / public shame, and Mr. Trevor is forced to employ him. Victor gets pissed about it and eventually upsets Hudson enough that Hudson leaves in a very “this isn’t over” kind of way. Later, Mr. Trevor dies from a stroke after receiving a letter that threatened him via a skip code. It is a skip code of specifically every third word, beginning with the first.

Full skip code message: "The supply of game for London is going steadily up. Head-keeper Hudson, we believe, has been now told to receive all orders for fly-paper and for preservation of your hen pheasant's life."

Decoded message: "The game is up. Hudson has told all. Fly for your life."

(It’s not a game anymore...)

Who do we have in show canon who recognizes a skip code on sight of specifically every third word, beginning with the first?

All together now: Mary.

(Bonus points for “Save John Watson” being the phrase Mary says in her creepy posthumous DVDs. Bonus points x2 for the fact that this text was sent by Magnussen, the “Napoleon of blackmail,” to Mary when he was supposedly trying to find Sherlock’s pressure point. But anyway!)

Another feature of interest about the Gloria Scott case: Holmes deduces that Mr. Trevor was once connected to someone with the initials J.A. whom he wanted to forget, guessing it was an old lover. Mr. Trevor momentarily faints in shock. Holmes guessed this based on an old arm tattoo that Mr. Trevor had tried to get rid of, where the initials are blurry. This later turns out to be wrong, because Mr. Trevor’s previous name was James Armitage–J.A.–when he was a criminal, and that is the reason behind the tattoo. (JA? AJ / Ajay? Much to think about)

The J.A. tattoo deduction was referenced in The Six Thatchers, when Sherlock deduces that the client had a Japanese girlfriend he is now indifferent about. 

SHERLOCK: You’ve got a Japanese tattoo in the crook of your elbow in the name ‘Akako.’ It’s obvious you’ve tried to have it removed.

KINGSLEY: But surely that means I wanna forget her, not that I’m indifferent.

SHERLOCK: If she’d really hurt your feelings, you would have had the word obliterated, but the first attempt wasn’t successful and you haven’t tried again, so it seems you can live with the slightly blurred memory of Akako, hence the indifference.

I’m bothering to highlight this in TST because after Sherlock explains it, the client remarks upon it being “simple”... and that’s when Sherlock immediately launches into his ~fake~ long-winded deduction about his wife being Greta the spy, as I already talked about above. Wild.

One last fascinating thing about the Gloria Scott: this case is referenced in 2 other ACD stories–The Sussex Vampire (John texting in TST), and The Musgrave Ritual (TFP). Gotta love that.

So, uh, what if Mrs. Hudson’s “case” (getting her husband executed) was one of Sherlock’s “firsts” that inspires him to become a consultive detective full-time? We’re told in ASiP that he ensured Frank Hudson’s execution “a few years back.” The inexactness of that year amount drives me bonkers, but I think it’s potentially plausible.

Short Coda: Ghost Stories...

In Mr. Trevor’s reply to Holmes’ (incorrect) J.A. tattoo deduction, he includes the following line:

“Of all ghosts, the ghosts of our old loves are the worst.”

Mark Gatiss talked a lot about ghost stories. In the Sherlock Chronicles book (which I own) teasing series 4, he said, “I can certainly give you one word. Ghosts...” and in this interview he said “There’s a conspiracy theory about everything and they’re almost the modern equivalent of ghost stories. And the great thing is, you can have all the tropes of a ghost story. . . There are lots of people in happy marriages who turn out to have terrible secrets or to have done some awful deed in the past that must be paid for in the present. In Doyle’s stories, those are the ghosts you need to worry about.”

And here are the lines we get from Holmes in The Abominable Bride about ghosts (that aren’t literal):

You may, however, rest assured there are no ghosts in this world... Save those we make for ourselves.

+

We all have a past, Watson. Ghosts – they are the shadows that define our every sunny day. Sir Eustace knows he’s a marked man.

+

The avenging ghost – a legend to strike terror into the heart of any man with malicious intent; a spectre to stalk those unpunished brutes whose reckoning is long overdue.

While typing, I’ve now galaxy-brained my way to the realization that Mrs. H was canonically an “abominable bride” to Frank Hudson and literally murdered him (with Sherlock’s help), just like the women in the special. She’s also shown as one of the women ignored/disparaged in the special (”I’m your landlady, not a plot device”) but just isn’t shown in the crypt/society. So that’s, uh... interesting.

In (Semi-)Conclusion: A Summary

We have the following significant points at minimum: 

• A Frank Hudson clue in a series 4 video

• One reference where Mary is undeniably connected to a Hudson who was a criminal in ACD canon (skip code)

• One ACD Hudson who was heavily connected to The Six Napoleons story, aka The Six Thatchers

• One ACD Hudson name-dropped in a story that heavily connects to The Abominable Bride, and Florida

• A bizarre pile of evidence that all Margaret mentions in the show could relate back to Mary the ex-CIA spy, in some way or another

• A Margaret connected to Mrs. Hudson who could’ve been in love with Frank Hudson (in Florida)

• The overall theme of s4 being ghosts from past deeds and un(happy) marriages coming to haunt people. And lest we forget, “ghost” Mary literally haunts Sherlock and John after her “death.”

Does that cover it? I feel like that covers it.

Of course, I absolutely could be reading into a ton of things that are unrelated, but... Who is to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

Random Related Stuff

Not required reading, but while poking around, I’ve found other things that could or could not connect to the above theory. I’m just gonna... info dump it right here. It could all be meaningless, it could all connect, it could be unrelated! You decide! Lots of meta links involved below, so credit where credit is due.

• I knew I wasn’t the first to come up with this concept/possibility of Mary being a Hudson. While building this post, I ran a search and came across this old one by @the-7-percent-solution​, who posited there’s a letter game at play of AEIOU involving Mary’s monstrous regiment of various characters and connects Amo/Love to Mary. I love this concept, and while I do think there are other elements/aspects in play for the plot besides just this, that post still has pieces that can work nicely; doesn’t matter that it was written before TFP aired.

• Frequently thinking about how Sherlock said “Mrs. Hudson? Leave Baker Street? England would fall,” because what does Mrs. Hudson do in TLD? She leaves Baker Street.

• All of the above cursed elements haunt me. (Arwel’s Instagram post was April of this year.) Note: there’s another tweet Arwel jokingly posted of this photo years ago, but that tweet’s caption was connected to Brexit based on dates / my memory (i.e. “England has fallen”), so I’m not including it lol.

• In TFP, when Mrs. Hudson is vacuuming, she’s listening to Iron Maiden’s “The Number of the Beast.” The lyrics we get are “666, the Number of the Beast. Hell and fire was spawned to be released.” The other time 666 is mentioned was by Mary in TST, in reference to Rosie.

• Mrs. Hudson is in the center of the 221B promo pic for series 4, as noticed by @sherlocks-salty-blog​.

• This cursed pic of Mary’s "ring from her past” on top of a series 4, episode 3 script (??) that Amanda took has haunted me since she tweeted it. Mary wears this ring on-screen in TEH, and you can see it when Sherlock deduces her.

• The Gabrielle Ashdown passport (in TST) is from America.

• Janine (who many of us notice is likely involved with Mary / Moriarty of course) often wears pearls, as @sherlockmeta​ noticed. Mary also wears pearl earrings in series 4 promo shots but never in s4 episodes (that I can find/remember). I also always think that Mary and Mrs. Hudson are dressed very similarly in s4 promo images (see all promos here).

• @raggedyblue​ discussed how Sherlock’s window deduction in TLD sounds a lot like Mrs. Hudson’s kitchen in 221A, and how a sheet of paper being pinned/folded is an opposite element in ACD’s The Sign of Four. The re-folded paper was a map leading to the AGRA treasure, and Mary found it in her father’s desk. Brilliant catch. Of course, in the show, the paper says Miss Me which is also heavily connected to Mary.

• The mystery of the little girls with blond and braided hair, as compiled by @ebaeschnbliah​, is also going to haunt me. I suggest reading the post, but minor summary: during s4 setlock, there was filming with Ben and Mark at Ogmore Castle with a little girl "wearing a skirt or dress, and her hair was blonde and in pigtails,” and she was running circles around Sherlock. There are two separate reports from people who saw this and mentioned it had to do with Mary; at first glance it bears similarities to Eurus scenes we got in TFP, but seems different in description. This also brings to mind the little girl with blonde braided hair in TEH at the bonfire, who notably wears a bright red jacket just like Mary. And there’s also a doll with blond braided pigtails in Magnussen’s mind palace.

• @gosherlocked​ has posts about “The Children of Sherlock” (part 1)(part 2) that highlight how children are frequently victims in this show. Metaphorically, I find this interesting if Mary plays a role of a “wronged child” avenging her father, regardless of age.

• Let’s talk music in TLD–or at least, one piece of it. When Mrs. Hudson drops the teacup, Mozart’s “Andante From Piano Concerto #21” plays. That specific second movement was used in the 1967 Swedish film Elvira Madigan. Sweden, of course, immediately reminded me of Greta the spy (aka Mary) being Swedish. After I realized this info, I ran a search to see if anyone else had mentioned this movie and I found this post, where @tjlcisthenewsexy​ and @possiblyimbiassed​ discussed how it’s a story of 2 doomed lovers who die via suicide-by-revolver. This is significant because Sherlock drops a revolver to catch the tea; death replaced by (gay) love?

• Speaking of Sweden: in The Game Is Now, Sherlock is abroad in Sweden. This is mentioned more than once: first, in this audio message between Sherlock and Mycroft (“Sweden sends its regards.” “It does?” “No, not really.”). This audio message also includes “This is not an international game of sardines.” Fish reference? Aquarium?

The second Sweden mention is visually, in this video. See below. (Also, in both, the characters say “real people,” which I can’t help but feel is a fourth wall break of them being fictional?) 

I hate this Sweden stuff specifically. Thank you.

This post is so much longer than I expected it would be, thank you for reading all of this if you did, Johnlock is real, Mary is a villain, etc.

Come yell at me on Twitter @CharCubed! 

Also, I made a secret sideblog @frankhudson​ to just reblog meta or info I might want to be able to find later lmao. Feel free to poke around if you want.

[pochapal]

rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking: 

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3. 

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it. 

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with. 

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

[camsthisky]

Were you formally diagnosed with ADHD? Was it as a child, teen, or adult? Did you realize it yourself or was it picked up on by someone else? Through what you've previously shared I learned I hadn't understood what ADHD was AT ALL and that the media portrayal of the hyperactivity/short attention span was not really what it was about so thank you!

@the-villainsandheroes asked: I'm assuming based on the 'ask about adhd', that you have adhd, and you stated that your pronouns are 'she/her', so I was wondering, how does your adhd present? I've just read that it presents differently in women, but I haven't actually known anyone who has been diagnosed with adhd to talk with them about it.

I was formally diagnosed with ADHD a year and a half ago, but I’ve been seeing an ADHD specific therapist for two years now.

It was weird, because my best friend from high school actually suspected she herself had ADHD and sought out a therapist. At the time I was suffering from crippling depression, anxiety, and self-harm issues, and it hadn’t worked out with the last two therapists I’d seen, so my friend convinced me to see the therapist she was seeing, who specialized in ADHD, but also had experience in helping people with all sorts of issues.

Honestly, I was terrified, but my therapist said she knew within two sessions that I had ADHD, which confused me, because I don’t present the stereotypical symptoms. She sent me to a psychiatrist, and since the depression and anxiety were the most pressing issues, my psychiatrist wanted to try treating them first. I spent six months cycling through different anti-depressants that didn’t work before a close friend and my therapist got my dad involved, and my psychiatrist finally tested me for ADHD and I was diagnosed.

As of right now, I am on a combination of two different meds, one for anxiety and one for ADHD, and they honestly work wonders. Of course, they’re not a cure, but I like to think I have made significant progress in the past two years with the combo of meds and therapy!

As for how my ADHD presents, yeah, it’s not in hyperactivity. It mainly presents as inattentiveness, which in turn, fuels my anxiety disorder. 

One of the biggest things that still frustrates me to this day, is my inability to listen to people speak. A lot of the times, no matter how invested I am, I will miss part of the conversation, and I have to wrack my brain trying to backtrack to figure out what the heck they were talking about once I tune back in. 

I don’t even notice I’m doing it. Just suddenly my brain will jump on a word they’ve said and off it goes! Sometimes I don’t even notice the speaker’s words have become background noise for several minutes, and a lot of people assume I just don’t care. Which isn’t true (most of the time). I don’t do it on purpose, and to cope with this, I used to mouth along with what people were saying to keep my brain focused on their words.

I have impulsivity problems, too. Especially with my skin. When my brain can’t keep me fully occupied, or I’m thinking really hard about something, my hands need something to occupy them or I will end up with small cuts all over my arms from my nails either scratching or picking at my skin.

My ADHD also affects how I write. It’s either the easiest or hardest task in the world, depending on a few different factors, and honestly this was a problem even before my meds. Sometimes the switch even happens while I’m writing.

I know that there are those posts about the relatability of staring at a blank word doc because nothing is coming to mind, but for me, I can literally stare at a blank document for an hour and have all the words up in my head, and I’ll still be unable to start writing because although I know where I want to go, I can’t stop myself from getting distracted from literally starting.

I hate the issues I have with writing, because I can go a few months without having an issue, and then one day I’m writing something like one sentence per twenty minutes because I’ve gotten lost in my own head.

Basically, it’s not that I have a short attention span, it’s just that I have a Focus Meter, and it can be overflowing (hyperfocusing) or it can be drained (inattentiveness), and honestly even with meds and therapy and coping strategies, it’s hard to predict which one it will be.

Time either exists completely, ticking slowly as it drives me mad, or it doesn’t exist at all. ADHD, for me, is fighting against one extreme or the other and learning to live without a middle ground.

So, yeah. Inattentiveness. I’m not an expert on ADHD, but from what I understand, the presentation of inattentiveness or a combination of both inattentiveness and hyperactivity is more common in women than just hyperactivity, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. I can’t say for sure, but this is what I’ve seen from the people in my life that live with ADHD.

I hope this made sense and I was able to shed a little more light on the struggles of ADHD. Thanks for the asks!

edit: for some reason I counted 2017 as 2016 and have corrected the amount of time sdfghjk I apologize

[gemstoneconstellations]

hi i’m so sorry can you explain alpha/omega? thank you so much sorry to bother

it’s not a problem! just know that omegaverse is a very flexible au and it can be different from author to author but their is a strong base that it makes it easy to go from one omegaverse to another and still understand.

Basics that most omegaverse follow is that there are three secondary genders/ranks: alpha, beta, omega. there is a few more but they aren't very common, so I wont go into it. (primary gender is female or male) the secondary gender can be known from birth or when the present (where an alpha or omega have their first heat/rut) or no presenting (beta). Presenting is kind of like the start of puberty. anyways, the dynamics in this au is based off of the hierarchy of wolves. so think of this au is like a society of werewolves without the whole shift changing, but still has fangs, claws, growls, and some basic animal instinct reactions. (this au really appeals to people with breeding kinks and that males can also get pregnant, so go gay otps being able to have their own kids.) everyone has scent glands that are located on the neck, wrists, and inner thighs that produce their own natural scent and pheromones. scenting is when someone spreads their own scent onto things/person, used to comfort others, or to be possessive and mark what is theirs. alphas and omegas scent glands are typically more powerful than a beta’s, and alphas and omegas react more strongly to different scents. when mating, the couple will bite each other’s gland on their neck to form a mate bond. A mate bond is equivalent to marriage but a bit stronger. it’s permanent and mates will only react to each others’ scents, ruts/heats, and other people will be able to tell that they are claimed and a bonded pair based on their scent and the bite mark that is on their neck. Some omegaverses have a soulmate au combo, a true mate, where someone will strongly react to another’s scent that it puts them into a primal instinct state and they’ll only react to that person’s scent that way. they have such a strong desire for that scent that it can make people lose all sense and unable to function till they claim their true mate. Pairings are primarily based on scent compatibility than anything else (which honestly makes sense cause no one is going to want to be around anyone is stinks). The strength and permeance of mark bonds do vary though for authors, sometimes only alphas can form the mate bond, only alpha/omega pairs can have mating bonds that are permanent, bond doesn't become permeant unless both parties bite each other, alphas can bite over past bond marks on omegas to transfer over the bond to the new couple, the list can go on.

now lets go into the basics of the genders:

Alphas are usual the top most high rank gender. they are the stronger, bulkier, and most aggressive of all the genders. they are typically the protectors, leaders, high society, most sought after mate, and dominant. they can be very possessive and territorial which makes them react physically violent towards the threat or aggressively mark what is theirs, either by rubbing their scents on the item/person, biting a person as a display of dominance and ownership of that person, or sometimes piss marking. their home is sometimes called their den. physically speaking, they have a lot of testosterone which allows them to grow taller than other genders and lanky and be able to build muscle more easily. female body structure varies for authors, they can either have both body parts (vagina and a penis), have a retractable penis instead of a vagina, or they only have a vagina and can only get pregnant by another alpha male. But what is the same across the different versions is that alphas have a knot that is meant for breading and have ruts, like a personal mating season/biological clock telling them they need to make some offspring or pups. Alphas are most commonly pair with omegas, they are their counterpart in the ranking system. Alphas can form relations with other alphas and betas as well. their instincts typically push them to be providers for their chosen mates, protecting them, ‘hunting’ food and making sure they are well fed, generally taken care of and happy. alphas can also do Orders/Commands, where they have a specific tone of voice that makes omegas/betas/lower rank alphas listen to them. when happy they croon, which is a deeper purr.

Betas are the neutral party, they don't rely on their instincts as much as omegas and alphas. their are describes as similar to modern people. they do have glands but their scent is either no too strong, or comes off as calming to omegas and alphas. they are the peace keepers of society. most often they are the more common gender that makes up the society while omegas/alphas are the minority. but because alphas give off such powerful and demanding scents alphas are still ranked higher to them. betas sometimes have less sensitive nose so they don't react or because they aren’t as ruled by their instincts they don't have a reaction, they are just able to tell what the omega/alpha is feeling based off of their scent. they can sometimes purr or they just imitate the sounds the other genders make to either appeal to their mate or to help calm someone down. male betas cant get pregnant and female betas can’t impregnate. their body structure is of a normal human being. there isn't much else to say.

Omegas are the maternal side. they are the ones that can give birth to pups. they are generally the smaller ones of the genders and displayed as more timid and soft nature, the submissive. they can be male or female. male omegas are typically more rare of all the genders. personality wise, it can vary based on type of society in the fic. this gender is often used to mirror how modern society sees women, they are the homemakers, the motherly figure, all about having dem babies and having their alpha breed them. omegas are often treated as lesser than the other genders. but that’s not all the fics. Alphas typically have strong reactions to their pheromones, sometimes the only thing that can calm an alpha is their omega’s scent. omegas’ scent is also really good for calming children, whether they are the dame (mother, person who gave birth) or not. physically, just like female alphas, male omegas can have both body parts, sometimes just the penis and vagina and no testicles, can have male parts and then there is an added structure in the anus for a womb. Like alphas, their biological clocks tell them to have pups through a heat where they produce slick, which allows them to be able to take a knot. omegas are most fertile during their heat which is generally why they are depicted as “craving their alphas knot” because they want to be bred. heats are usually the best time to form a bond. also how omegas act during heats is another thing that depends on the author. another thing about omegas that is important is that they have a desire to nest. they will build nests using the softest blankets, pillows, and clothes that have been heavily scented by family, pack mates (really close friends that are basically family), and their mates. all the scents that make them feel happy and calm. the nest is an omega’s safe place and no one can just go in without the omega’s consent, being allowed is a really high honor, it means that the omega trusts you with their entire being because disrupting an omega’s nest can be mentally, physically, and emotionally damaging. when paired they are generally with alphas, that is the golden pairing. how omegas get pregnant by who also varies. Omegas are very flexible on how they can be portrayed physically, personality, and how they are received in society, all based on the author (don't worry, authors usually go into detail when describing that, either by the interaction omega characters go through or in the exposition). 

i think i covered a lot of the basic info that someone should be aware of. if you have any other questions, i’ll be happy to answer them! i have read so many omegaverse fics over the years, its so cool seeing this au becoming so popular and a standard au after all these years.

[rosheendubh]

Three swords there were, forged from elemental divinity--

Mimung, the weapon of the Waelsungs, split Brynhilde's heart and sped her to the embrace of her One Eyed God, wielded after, by Vortimer, Vortigern's son, of Sinfjotli's line, now Uter's (Ohthere's) blade, grim Ohthere, of two fathers sired upon unwilling Ygerna, Vortimer (Embreis Wledig), or perhaps of Egil-Ongentheow's seed, he vies with Onela (Aelle Bretwalda) for the soul of a nation, and a woman's heart...

Tyrfing, the doom of Arngrim's brood, that brave Hervor dared the barrows of her dead father's host, scorning sulfur and brimstone to retrieve metal cast to the Host of the Dead, shaming the fallen, seeking vengeance for slain brothers, sword recovered to living light, forever cursed to take life at price of unsheathing, whose hilt Onela's (Aelle Bretwalda's) strong hands now grip upon the Plains of Eboracum (York)...

The Sword of Ares, Sarmatian iron, born of stars, a virgin priestess's flesh mated in sacrament to the Stallion, King of Heaven, both sacrificed upon the alter of flame and blood, hammer and anvil, brought to the shores of Albion in the days of Empire's might, but as centuries passed, the Eagle decayed, raising Wolf and Raven and Mare, Venaura (Gwenhwyfar), gazes upon mighty Tyr's gift of blood-gold justice, bride of death, Raven Queen and Horse Goddess, daughter of blessed Saranyu who settled her nation upon the Isle of Mists centuries gone, and centuries gone, where this child of Peteova, Lady of the Cawnur, and her Beltane lover, Palomydez (Pabo Pillar of Prydain), Alani war-lord, once commanded fire from heaven, ripping through her mother's flesh, melting sinew with lightening-struck oak, petrified water-fused stone, blade clutched in her mother's hand, symbol of defiance against Egil-Ongentheow's invading host, salvaging a tormented island, where now his sons war, Onela (Aelle Bretwalda) and Uter (Ohthere), for supremacy over Albion's clashing tribes, and in one desperate hour, does Uter send harrowing word for aid of the North, and Venaura at long-last, asks grieving Palomydez, her true-father unknown, enjoin the war and sway the battle-tide, but bitter Palomydez, stubborn yet, refuses in contempt of the southern lords he blames for Petoeva's death, sword cleaved to oak-fired stone, petrified flesh, cold memory of his bright queen's sacrifice, until this moment when her daughter, whose spirit blazes like a thousand suns from gray eyes, stands proud before his hall, voice strong above the storm lashing through the vaulted chamber, she summons Aesir and Don, bearing in her clenched fingers the ghost-banner of Old Brigantia, insignia of Iazyge, Roman, and Briton, calling the God's fire once more from heaven in a blast that blinds his court, and bades men take shelter beneath table or bench, freeing star-iron from stone, so that Venaura, Peteova's proud daughter, frees the Sword of Ares born aloft once more, into the world of men--

"In the name of the Women of Albion, and Valentia between the Walls, I summon your One-Eyed god out of Shadow, and your queen, Palomydez, summons your horse-lords to war..."

~~

Graphic, a result of me goofing around with PhotoLayers App, and ToonyTools online editing.

Verbosity, me droning in stream of conscience with highlights of how I see Uther's tale (and later, Arthur's) evolving with Gwenhwyfar's. Here, she’s based off a combo of Gwen, the daughter of Cunedda Wledig, and Gwenabwy (in my poor reverse linguistics, that’s actually Uindavia/Uendabhia), who’s the daughter of *Cawnur*, the sister of Gildas, Cywyllog, and Huail (from the delusional pedigrees of the Lives of the British Saints). Indeed, here Uther is actually adapted from the character of Ohthere (and in some bit, Amlwedd/Amlothi/Hamlet), who exists in some convoluted way, referenced as Vendel nobility, Ylfingas and Ynglingas (basically, Odin-Tyr progeny and Freyr progeny; Hamlet, and it’s predecessor Danish tale of Amothi/Ambhla-Odr, is basically another version, where Orwandil and Feng are representations of Odin/Tyr and Ingvi-Freyr. Somehow, Orwandil is also Egil-Ongentheow, which is also Angantyr. He shows up in various Anglo-Saxon genealogies as Angentheow/Angengeot). Amlothi marries both a northern British princess, and then a Scottish queen who was infamous for killing all her male suitors until she falls in love with Amlothi. Later, in Amlothi’s lay, the Scottish queen marries Wigleck, the adversary and new Danish king, and founds the line of East Anglians via Offa Anglian.  Anyone whose ever read Widsith, and Beowulf, and any of the Swedish/Danish/Norwegian/Geat dynastic sagas knows how very convoluted are the pseudo-histories and personages. At the end of the day, I love the take of Aelle Bretwalda, something of a misplaced Teutonic invader, without any lineage, and 3 sons whose names supply locations in Sussex (Cymen, Cissa, Wlencing—my Lancelot/Gwallawg ap Lleenog, of the next generation with Arthur...who’s Vortiporius in my take), as Ale (Norse version of Onela’s name), as the 1/2 brother of Uther. My whole justification here is that Uther’s name shares a parallel meaning as Ohthere—terrible/fearsome warrior. Archaeology over the last few decades suggests something of a Swedish/possibly Geatish influx into East Anglia, from an earlier era (tentatively) based on the dating of certain artifacts, than traditionally believed. And possibly, the migration west of Mercian lines as East Anglian/Geatish pressure increased, reflecting a parallel migration of dynastic rivalries which followed them across the NorthSea board. The Sutton Hoo burial, and grave sites of mid-late 6th century/7th century East Anglia/The Norfolk-Suffolk areas allegedly have more features in common with the Swedish Vendel graves in southern Sweden than Anglian/continental Germanic burial sites of the same era. SOMETHING happened in Sweden/Denmark as well as Jutland that I believe involved late-Roman/Post-Roman Britain as well. Which leads me to wonder if the situation of the entire northern Seaboard all the way to the Baltic coast, isn’t a whole lot more complex than what our established theories reflect. Also, per poetic license, this circumstantial evidence allows me a bridge into fictional invite, proposing it’s Uther/Ohthere who becomes something of a prototype King Cnut/Canute, in my vision of his ambition, not of a Post-Roman Britain joined back with a dying Western Roman Empire which Constantinople refuses to concede, but a Britain united with the Nordic houses of Sweden/Daneland/Jutland, and reaching out to Theoderic the Great/Sexy Amalung to form some sort of Successor State confederacy, acting as a bulwark against Constantinople’s grasping influence, as well as the rising Frankish power of Clovis and the Merovingians. There’s reports Theoderic’s court of Ravenna hosted a Swedish king who’d sworn off his countrymen (Radulph—some scholars think he  may actually be the personage upon whom Hrolfr Kraki was based), as well as Theoderic harboring, like his 18th century presidential doppelgänger, Thomas Jefferson (who was forever fascinated by the Western mystique of the American frontier and her indigenous peoples), something of an enlightened interest in collecting whatever history or knowledge related to northern tribal peoples, like the (mistaken, but heavily advertised) notion of Geats and Goths sharing a common root heritage. 

This, This warped version finds inspiration from not just from the classic Brithish manuscripts or epics of Arthur, but combines Nordic legend/saga sources with late Roman figures synthesized with British/Germanic/Nordic figures. Story of Ongentheow and his sons, for starters. I have 2 notebook pages full up in finest logic tree form, like a jungle of neurons, detailing my convoluted interpretations and parallels of historic personages, and legendary/literary. 

Lastly, Something about Vortigern's geneology always bothered me, especially in his kinship with The Jutes, Hengist and Horsa. A piece submerged or missing, that made me wonder if he wasn't only British, but as with so many high-ranking military officers in the early 5/mid-th century, perhaps also shared some Germanic/Teutonic lineage, which would explain his partiality to the Jutes, and their willingness to serve him in Britain at his invite.  It’s recorded (in not very reliable sources), Vortigern’s father is a Vitalinus or Vitalis. A solidly Latin name, which shares a wonderful synchrony with Fitelis, the modified version of Sinfjotli, the son of Sigmund and Signy Waelsung, which relates back to the whole Brynhilde/Sigfrid/death of the Burgundians/ doom of Attila thread.  I’m actually just partial to Wotan and his symbolism with changing eras of history—war/rebellion/evolution/revolution/enlightenment. I also seem inclined to a symbolism of male characters as something like representations of that iconography, while my female characters act as mediums of inspiration for social/political reform, and logic/temperance/challenging the notion change only comes through violent upheaval. In lieu here, is a young Gwen, educated in Rome, as physician (of course...she does tie to Caroline Eleanor Graham later in preRev Paris), as ruler-philosopher, and yes, as a warrior in the style of nomadic horsewomen (how I bring in the character, Alardin as her tutor in these studies through her formative years exiled from Alba/Caledonia after her mother’s death).  I hate the warrior queen motif. Not that my perspective alleviates gross anachronism, but I’d rather suggest she’s a queen, or at least, per the tradition of Caledonian tribes around the Walls, it’s through marriage she conveys the right of rulership to the man she eventually selects as her husband. Until then, she rules/advises her father and older brother when her father invites her back from Rome finally. And later, when Uther’s wars require the companies of the Votadini (her tribe), she’s left ruling in her father/brother’s stead, until Uther asks for her intervention, to summon the Pictish tribes of the far north, and Pabo Post Prydein’s Alani heavy cavalry, who occupy the area of Rheged, I place in NW Cumbria and SW Scotland/Galloway-Dumfries. Rerigonium looks an awful lot like an inspiration for Rheged, IMHO. Also, oddly, according to the Lives of the British saints, Pabo shares some sort of weird root with Palomides (?.). So, I’d rather suggest, Gwen is a woman who becomes a queen, from a family of Romanized-buffer state Caledonians, and as any woman in a position of influence, raised in a volatile era, and volatile province, essentially defined as *frontier zone*, I’d rather think she was raised to be competent, and strong-willed, and perhaps, more talented/unconventional/resourceful than what might be expected in a more pacific time. As I would expect of other women, and their men as well—British/Roman/or Germanic-Nordic...

Anyway, as the whole tragedy of Waelsungs, the Burgundians, and later Britain ties back, according to the Eddic poems, and Wagner, to that tale of Andarvi’s gold, Otter, and a neck-ring from that cursed were-gild which comes into Gudrun’s hands, I have Gudrun as a grieving Abbess residing in Rome, the patron to whom Gwen is sent to be educated as a girl. They don’t have a good relationship at first—Gwen, a rebellious girl who hardly knew her mother, and resents her father for sending to a college of widowed and bitter women, and Gudrun, who mourns her daughter, Swanhilde, slaughtered in an act of betrayal, and now, lives lay to see her son, ERP/Hyrp, take the throne of Caesar. Don’t ask how, but legends say, Gudrun does have a son named ERP/Hyrp. Somehow, Erp/Hyrp relates to Eadowacer, and that name is a version of the eponymous Odovaver/Adavacrius who deposed the last emperor in 476. He ties in with the story of Gwen, and Theoderic the Great as well. Anyhow, that cursed treasure with it’s cursed neck-ring sits in a convent in a quite, genteely decaying corner of the old Capital. No one wants to touch it b/c it’s cursed, and by this point of Gwen’s maturing to a young, precocious woman, she knows the legacy and taint it has upon the Abbess Gudrun she’s come to love as her mother. So, she decides to enlist the best street gangs of the convent’s local neighborhood, various carpenters/construction crews/artisans/as well as river merchants who want a cut of profit, and retain their own armed guards, to basically revive the convent’s local marketplace, founding their local agricultural coop/and vendor sites, as well as establishing a neighborhood hospital (based of St Galla’s, I think), and to add one more twist to Wotan’s cursed treasure, she takes the neck ring, and has it melted/redrafted into surgical implements which, to her delight, NEVER rust. And have amazing antibacterial properties...as some metal alloys are known to possess. Anyway, that’s the same woman who, rather than Uther or Arthur (her son, by Uther and Theoderic), who pulls the Sword from the Stone, the Sword which took her mother’s life, if that made any sense, up above, to mend a dynastic feud of Northern British houses, which has embroiled her biological father (Pabo) and her acknowledged father, Cunedda, since Gwen’s mother sacrificed her life to fend off an invasion of Swedes when Gwen was a child. It’s the moment Gwen realizes she has the aptitude and the attitude to sovereignty in interests of her people, and claims rule of Valentia, that troublesome province of Count Theodosius dating back to 370AD, which has confounded modern scholars as to where Valentia was located. I place it between the Wall of Antoninus and Hadrian, to include the regions north and south of each those boundaries as well. Thus, she is, rather like Amlothi’s Scottish queen (no Scotland in late 5th/early 6th c...), The Queen of the North (ah, GRRMartin and HBO, I’ll never forgive you for Season8), and rallies the discordant tribes of the Pretani/Picts, and the Caledonians (those Lowland and Scottish Border regions)  to Uther’s aid, outside of Eboracum. Which is my draw from GeoffreyofMonmouth, and the HistoriaBrittonum, of Battle 8/The Battle Guinnion/TheWhiteFortress (don’t ask, but root words of Eboracum aside, either as  *yew tree*, in the British, the Latin root of *eburos* is ivory. And if you’ve been to York, they have those lovely white-trunked trees everywhere, and its Walls, albeit dating from the MiddleAges, must have been at least as magnificent, indestructible, and...white, even by the later quarter of the 400s AD. One of my favorite cities, and hope to back when the world’s not so crazy...). How the dynasty of Eleutherius and York/Eboracum becomes occupied by Teutonic forces, you ask? Ties with Germanic/Teutonic royalty, of course, but resolving that takes up way too much precious Tumblr space already.  Rambles done, other than to add, the description of Cath Goddeu/The Battle of the Trees, from Welsh poetic sources, makes for wonderful mythic depiction of the Men of the North, and their Queen, advancing with a rising storm we all know is the Wild Hunt. And in the case of Gwen bearing the Sword of the Sarmatians/Iayzyges that had once belonged to the company of the long dead Artorius Castus, and his Brigantian Queen, who herself, once united a warring island in its desperate hour, Venaura’s actions have roused the old Guardians of Albion, the ghosts of Sarmati and their horse-lords, riding with their Alani scions of Rheged, in the name of the Women of Albion. My nod to William Blake, as Nemiane (my late 2nd c Romano-Brigantian military surgeon/Artorius’s lover), Gwen, and Caroline—the Scottish lady physician who becomes Jefferson’s lover in 18th c Paris, all find some reflection in the themes of Blake’s monumental mythicism. Thus, I believe we start this work with Blake, writing Vision of the Women of Albion...