#i barely thought of them all 2020 and then THEY JUST FOUND ME AGAIN
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Morsetache scene cut from Degüello script...
I've been reading through some of the old Damian Barcroft interviews. Sadly, most of them have been pulled off of his website, but almost all can still be accessed via the Wayback Machine.
Anyway, I found a Morsetache Monday gem...
DAMIAN: "I hope this will become clear in the watching" you told me when I asked about the moustache last year. Did it become as clear as you would have liked or would you have preferred the following not to have been cut:
ENDEAVOUR: You. I thought I knew who you were – but this past year, I barely recognise you. THURSDAY: Nice tache. (which brings ENDEAVOUR up short) You’ve never been one to follow fashion. So, what’s that all about? ENDEAVOUR: Seemed like a good idea at the time. I don’t know. Maybe it’s like Nicholson. Living with something you can’t put right. THURSDAY: George, you mean? ENDEAVOUR: I couldn’t stand to wake up every day and look at the man in the shaving mirror. The face that’d… let him down. I thought… if it was someone else staring back, I could forget it. If it didn’t happen to that face – I could fool myself it never happened at all. THURSDAY: Perhaps we’ve all been hiding one way or another. From ourselves. From each other. From George. You’ve always given me too much credit. I’m not what you think. ENDEAVOUR: Yes – you are. THURSDAY: Nah. I’m just an old flatfoot with too many miles on the clock. ENDEAVOUR: What’s going on? This isn’t work. This is something else. THURSDAY: I took a wrong turn, and it cost me. But I can see a chance now to set things straight. —DEGÜELLO
RUSS: Mmm. Again – I think this was a request. The boys – Shaun and Rog – asked for something which explained it. So, I wrote this exchange for them. Which, when they read it, they thought was too self aware. Sometimes – less is more.
—excerpted from THE ENDEAVOUR INTERVIEWS 2020: RUSSELL LEWIS PART III
#itv endeavour#endeavour morse#shaun evans#morsetache mondays#moustache mondays#history of the morsetache#endeavour: deguello
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help
February 10, 2020
Hayden has not been having a good few weeks or really a good rookie year, she was playing incredibly but mental she was not having a good year.
She has never really let her self to heal from her parent’s death and is still grieving them. After her parents passed away she clung to the Hughes family even more because they are the only family she had left so when she left for Edmonton she was at least a thousand of miles away from all of them it has been difficult for her.
Hayden also is living in her childhood home which is just a house filled of reminders of her parents and she’s just making everything worse for herself sitting in that house.
Hayden’s knows all of this but she’s stuck and doesn’t know how to help herself. She’s sad and miserable most days and her smiles are rare and barely there.
She is slowly getting closer to Connor and Leon but she is still not herself and still feels incredibly off centered.
Connor’s eyes flickered over to Hayden in concern, they had just finished a long practice and Hayden was the only one beside him who wasn’t in the showers yet.
Connor noticed pretty quickly that Hayden tends to keep her emotions to herself and the only way he’s learned to know how she feels is by her eyes and he’s saw his the last few days her eyes were dimmer than usually and she was even quieter.
Connor gently nudged her arm, “Hey.” His voice was soft as he spoke to her.
“Hi.” Hayden mumbled her eyes staying down as she took her equipment off.
“You’re not having a good week are you?” Connor gently rhetorically asked her looking at her sympathetically.
Hayden paused and looked over at him slightly and nodded slowly.
“But you haven’t been having a good time for a while now?” Connor very gently rhetorically asked her again being mindful to not push her again.
Hayden pursed her lips, she hasn’t felt like her self since her parents have been dead, “No.” Hayden quietly mumbled.
“I didn’t go through all of what you are going through but my rookie year was hard mentally and physically.” Connor softly told her remembering how hard of a year that was because of all the media and being injured for half of the season.
Hayden looked at Conner curiously.
“I found a therapist her in Edmonton and she helped me a lot.” Connor told Hayden, he did not want to go when he first went but it helped him so much.
Hayden pursed her lips thinking, she knows she needs help to her better and hasn’t been able to ask for it.
“I can give you her information?” Connor gently offered her not pressuring her.
Hayden thought about it for a moment and knew this could be her chance at getting help and to maybe start healing slowly, “Please.”
Connor smiled relieved glad she agreed, “Okay i’ll send over her information.” Connor patted her shoulder and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly and got up.
“Connor?” Hayden called out as Connor started to walk away and he turned around facing her again, “Thank you.” Hayden said gratefully, she hasn’t been able to help herself yet and Connor is helping her more than she could for herself.
“Always.” Connor promised her and flashed her smile beside walking away.
#haydenblakeau#luke hughes#jack hughes#quinn hughes#nhl x oc#nhl au#jack hughes x oc#quinn hughes x oc#luke hughes x oc#new jersey devils#matt boldy#trevor zegras x oc#trevor zegras#cole caufield x oc#cole caufield#alex turcotte#leon draisaitl#connor mcdavid#zach hyman#ryan mcleod#ryan nugent hopkins#edmonton oilers#vancouver canucks#nhl#nhl blurbs#nhl blurb#nhl hockey#will smith hockey#connor bedard#macklin celebrini
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"I Found You (too)" - EREN/READER - REINCARNATION AU (chapter 3)
eren/reader
Rating: M
2020s reincarnation of marleyan nurse reader & undercover eren
3.4k words
also on Ao3
<- chapter 2 | chapter 4 ->
Liberio, 854
Mr. Kruger was frustrated that day.
You didn’t know why, but he was.
Regardless of the cause, his frustration was why you had been sent in to “deal with him” since, apparently, you were the one he was most reasonable with.
You weren't sure what you’d done to earn Mr. Kruger’s favour over the last few weeks, but if his favour got you praised by the higher-ups then you weren’t going to complain.
As you walked to his room you briefly thought back to Myra’s comment a few days ago. Her little: “He probably has a crush on you.” You immediately brushed the thought away figuring he was probably just the type to respond better to positive reinforcement. Lord knew enough of the hospital staff leaned towards the opposite method with patients.
Regardless, you eventually ended up there: knocking on Mr. Kruger’s door an hour after you normally headed home for the day.
Your knock received no answer, so you timidly pushed the door open.
“Mr. Kruger?” You asked.
He was sitting on his bed, staring out the window and completely lost in thought.
He must not have noticed you enter, so you cautiously approached him, all too familiar with how violent some patients could be when surprised.
“Mr. Kruger?” You asked for the second time, hoping he would respond now that you were closer.
He didn’t.
You moved towards the window, carefully putting enough space between yourself and him so that you could get away if he lunged for you. Once you were at the far end of the room, you could finally see his face.
He was in a daze, just like you thought he would be; trapped between his world and another as he stared out the window.
You smiled at the sight, knowing exactly how it felt to be that far away.
“Mr. Kruger.” You said for the third time. This time it was softer, barely above a whisper as you politely asked for his attention instead of demanding it.
He blinked.
And then he looked over at you for half a second before his eyes fell to his lap.
“Oh,” he said, “it’s you.”
You gave him a smile that you hoped was reassuring. “Yeah, it’s me.” Now that he was aware of his surroundings, you stepped closer to him. “Dr. Rall said you didn’t want to take your medication this evening.” The empty paper cup on his bedside table might have suggested a different story, but you knew it wasn't empty because he’d taken them. It was empty because he’d hidden the pills under his tongue.
You had a replacement in your pocket, but you wouldn’t give it to him until you were sure he’d accept it.
You’d never taken the time to check if Mr. Kruger was swallowing his pills. Instead, you'd always trusted that he had (especially considering how often he complained about wanting his painkillers). Earlier, you’d been wrapped up with another patient so Dr. Rall had come in to give Mr. Kruger his medications instead of you.
Dr. Rall was the type to demand proof that they’d been swallowed.
And they hadn’t been.
You could see a deep purple bruise forming against Mr. Kruger’s cheek in the shape of a thumb. You didn’t need to ask to know that it was where Dr. Rall had grabbed him as he tried to force the pills down his throat. Mr. Kruger had bitten him in defiance, nearly taking his thumb clean off.
The blood splatters across the front of his shirt were proof of it.
“He wouldn’t tell me what the green one was.” Mr. Kruger explained simply, with no emotion behind his tone to indicate anything about his mood.
“Oh…” You answered.
“So what is it?” He asked, slowly meeting your eyes again after he’d spent the beginning of the conversation avoiding them.
Your chest tightened as your palms became damp.
You normally tried not to make eye contact with him because it always felt… strange.
Confusing.
His eyes always brought you to a different plane of existence. With deep blues and greens so beautiful and almost out of place against the bags beneath them and his unshaven face.
It made you wonder what his eyes would look like on someone else or maybe on a different version of him. A happier version. A version that was free from war and pain and death. A version of him that existed somewhere-
…somewhere nice.
You wondered how his eyes would light up the rest of his face somewhere like that.
Mr. Kruger sighed at your lack of answer before he pushed himself out of bed. He stumbled as he reached for his crutch. You were immediately at his side, holding him up so he wouldn't fall.
“Gotta change-” he mumbled before he stepped towards the shelf on the other side of the room that housed a single change of clean clothes.
“I’ll help you,” you said.
“I don’t need your help,” he pushed you away.
“You can’t walk,” you told him as you tried to guide him back to the bed. “If you sit down I’ll-”
“I SAID I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!”
You didn’t want it to affect you. You knew it shouldn’t affect you.
You’d been yelled at by plenty of patients. Doctors. Fellow nurses. Being screamed at was in your job description and it was something that happened to you every single day, so it shouldn’t have affected you. It shouldn’t have but-...
But you could feel heat building in the back of your eyes.
Your vision blurring.
His words ringing in your ear.
Mr. Kruger had always been so quiet. Always so wrapped up in his head as he stared out the window and let himself get lost against the horizon.
That’s why he was your favourite. Because he had a habit of slipping away to spend time somewhere else, just like you did.
Mr. Kruger was your favourite.
“Th- The green pills are a sedative,” you said as you blinked away your tears and handed him his crutch. You didn’t pull away from him until you were confident he was stable enough to stand on his own. Then you took a step back. “We give them to the patients that become violent. I- I don’t know why Dr. Rall wants to start you on them.”
Mr. Kruger didn’t say anything as he hobbled to the other side of the room. He grabbed a shirt, a clean shirt, with no blood stains mucking up the front.
He leaned his crutch against the wall as he pulled his old shirt off and tossed it to the floor.
He stumbled.
He caught himself against the wall.
He couldn’t lift his hand to pull the shirt over his head without risking falling over again so he grabbed his crutch and staggered back to the bed before sitting down.
“I haven’t been violent,” Mr. Kruger muttered.
“I know.”
“Then why are they drugging me?”
“I-... I don’t know,” you confessed.
And you didn’t. Truly you didn’t. You were the nurse that tended to Mr. Kruger the most and you’d never indicated on your reports that he was anywhere close to even mildly uncooperative. He’d always taken his medications. Always changed when you asked him to, bathed when it was his day for that, asked politely to be escorted to the washroom, the courtyard, or just for a walk down the hall.
He was a model patient, really, so you didn’t know why Dr. Rall wanted him sedated.
“...guess they’ve a got reason now.” Mr. Kruger mumbled as he pulled his new shirt, a shirt that was free from the doctor’s blood stains, over his head.
“Yeah, I-... I guess they do.”
Mr. Kruger’s arms fell to his sides once he finished getting changed.
“But I-... um…” you hesitated.
“What?”
“I could… I could not give them to you…”
Your eyes met again. It was the same as it always was- your heart hammered in your chest as his blue-green eyes, eyes that were so beautiful and didn’t belong on such a depressed face, lit up.
For an instant, it took you somewhere else.
For an instant, everything was warm.
“And why would you do that?” Mr. Kruger asked, still maintaining eye contact.
“Because I… I have no reason to believe that you need them.”
“Hm.” Mr. Kruger hummed as he broke away from your stare and looked back out the window, regaining the position he’d been in when you’d come to find him. “Then I’ll make sure to keep it that way.”
His eyes met the horizon and he was gone again, leaving you unsure where he drifted off to.
But as he stared out the window, out at the horizon, you had a feeling it was somewhere warm.
And maybe, just maybe, it was also somewhere nice.
As you left Mr. Kruger’s room you reached for the clipboard hanging in front of his door.
It detailed his entire treatment plan. His daily vitals. When he got his meals and when he was given free time outside of his room.
And it listed his medications:
Morphine - checked off for body daily doses
Penicillin - checked off for both daily doses
Nutrilite - checked off for both daily doses
And finally:
Zolpidem - newly added to Mr. Kruger’s chart and currently not checked off.
You patted your pocket where you could feel the cylindrical green pill against the fabric. You twirled it between your fingers and recalled the way Mr. Kruger had stared out the window, blissfully unaware that you’d even entered the room.
He’d bitten Dr. Rall, but only because the doctor hadn’t answered his question.
Only because the doctor had become violent first.
You couldn’t blame Mr. Kruger for it. You would have done the same.
So you pulled your hand away from your pocket and grabbed the pencil tied to the clipboard.
Zolpidem - ✓
A Warm Living Room
You didn’t know what you were supposed to be doing.
Or saying.
Or… who any of the people around you were.
Mr. Kruger had told you they were your friends, but you were certain you’d never had friends like them.
But there they were: staring at you, unblinking, and you were staring right back.
Thankfully, Mr. Kruger was on the couch next to you.
You leaned over to him: “...are these people also Eldian devils?” You whispered.
Mr. Kruger immediately began sputtering: “You- You can’t call them that!”
“What?” You said as you pulled back, forgetting to whisper due to your confusion, “Eldian devils?”
“Yes!” Mr. Kruger exclaimed.
“Oh,” you paused as you thought it over. “Why not?”
“Fucking hell Eren…” one of them mumbled. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl across his face as he leaned back in his chair. “You really know how to pick ‘em, don’t you?”
“Shut the hell up, Jean!” Mr. Kruger snapped (it was the angriest you’d seen him so far). He turned back to you and the anger washed off his face, replaced with concern. “You don’t remember them,” Mr. Kruger explained, “but yes, everyone here is your friend.”
You scowled and looked down into your lap. He had told you that earlier. That you didn’t remember but… you weren’t sure you believed him. How could you forget so many people all at once? It didn’t make any sense.
“They caught another filthy Eldian lover.” Your mother had said to your father over breakfast.
“Yes,” he had agreed, nose shoved in his newspaper, “they did.”
Confused by their tones, you looked up from your doll and glanced between them. “What’s an Eldian lover?” You asked.
“A vile creature,” said mother.
“Disgusting things,” added father.
“Oh….” came your soft, uncertain reply.
You looked back at your doll as you wonder why your brother was running so late to breakfast.
You blinked rapidly as your head swirled with the memory.
It felt so far off but- but you knew it happened. You remember leaving the breakfast table and walking to your older brother’s empty room.
Eldian lover. Eldian lover. Eldian lover.
‘Vile creature.’
‘Disgusting things.’
His empty bedroom. With everything so perfectly in place.
Flesh.
Rope-
“But I-... I can’t be friends with…” you muttered, “with Eldians.”
Flesh.
Rope.
Spray paint.
No, no, no.
This wasn’t real.
You weren’t somewhere real. You were somewhere nice. Somewhere perfect, so- “If I am then- then-”
Birds.
Bone.
Red.
‘ELDIAN LOVER’
“They’ll- they'll do it to me too I’ll-” you reached up to hold your pounding head.
This wasn’t real, it was somewhere nice. Not real, nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Ni-
“They’ll kill you too we can’t-”
“It’s okay.” Mr. Kruger’s warm hands cupped yours. He held them softly, so softly, and then he guided them back to your lap. Your vision blurred as you blinked away your tears. “It’s okay,” he repeated in a tone that left you no choice but to believe him.
It was warm.
It was safe.
It was nice.
The brown cat that seemed so fond of you jumped onto the couch with a ‘mrr’. You looked down at him and scratched his head as he curled up in your lap.
One of the Eldian De- one of your friends- gained your attention as he cleared his throat. You looked up at him. He had blonde hair and angelic ocean-blue eyes that briefly make you wonder why Eldians had ever been called “devils” in the first place. “What’s the last thing you remember?” He asked.
“What do you mean?”
“The last thing you remember before you… woke up here,” he clarified.
You looked back down. Back at the cat asleep in your lap as you tried to answer his question.
Fire.
Screaming.
Gasping for air.
You immediately brushed the thoughts away because this wasn’t real.
This was somewhere nice.
Somewhere that those kinds of things didn’t exist so: “I-... I fell asleep.” You lied.
It made sense. You must have fallen asleep. Why else would you be here?
No one said anything so you looked up. You met everyone’s eyes. The bright blue ones that had asked you the question. The ones of the angry man, still scowling after you called him a devil. A brunette with a ponytail. The most beautiful woman you’d ever seen. And a man who had come in with the widest smile imaginable (a smile that was now completely washed away).
None of them said a word.
And then you looked at Mr. Kruger.
“Mr, Kruger I- I think-” You didn’t want to be here anymore. You were worried that if they asked you more questions, you would wake up. “I think I need to lay down…”
Mr. Kruger lifted the cat out of your lap and placed him on the couch. “Yeah, okay.” He said as he offered you his hand and guided you out of the living room.
Eren helped you back into bed, pointing out the glass of water on the bedside table in case you needed it. You were out almost immediately.
In a move of predictability, Bitcoin hopped onto the bed. He stumbled on his three legs but quickly regained his footing before walking up to you and curling up at your side.
“Good boy, Bitsy,” Eren said as he scratched the old cat under his chin.
Bitcoin let out a soft ‘mrr’ and flopped over, exposing his belly to Eren as his loud purring began.
Eren patted his stomach before pulling away.
He was trying to make this easy for you, but it was hard.
It was hard because suddenly being thrust into a new life with no memories to match it wouldn’t be easy for anyone. But it was especially hard for you because you didn’t have what he had.
When Eren had woken up, even though he didn’t recognize you he still recognized everyone else. He had them, his friends, to ground him; but you- you just had…
All you had was Mr. Kruger.
And what a truly terrible person to have at your side.
Eren looked down at you, asleep, with your hair splayed out across the pillow. The urge to lean forward and kiss your forehead was a strong one, but he pushed it to the back of his mind.
Even though he knew how you felt about him (and how your past self felt about him too) he wasn’t going to cross that line.
Mr. Kruger.
That was the man you loved.
For some reason, even after everything. Kruger.
“Fuck.” Eren hissed as he pushed away from you, immediately trying to distance himself from both you and his memories.
He didn’t want to think about it.
He didn’t want to think about that.
He was different now.
It was a new life. He was starting over. And once you got your memories back he’d explain everything to you so you could start over too. So that you would stop loving the evil man who had twisted your thoughts for his own selfish gain. You would realize how messed up it had been and how he had- how Kruger- had used you.
You’d realize that and then you’d-...
You’d be happier here.
With him. Not with Kruger.
With Eren.
Just like you had been for the last six years.
Eren pulled himself away from the bed and quickly left the room.
As he headed back to his friends, he could hear everyone speaking in hushed voices:
“..obviously a Marleyan soldier!” Jean whispered.
“No way dude!” Connie answered. “Eren would never pull something like that! That’s fucked, even for him!”
“She could have been a civilian,” Sasha offered.
“Maybe they didn’t even know each other,” Mikasa added.
“She called him Mr. Kruger.” Armin pointed out. “Reiner said that was the name Eren used undercover before the raid.”
“Maybe he just gave her an alias when she woke up.” Jean dismissed, “by the end of it, every Marleyan on the planet knew exactly who Eren Jeager was, he probably didn’t want her freaking out about a fucking war criminal being next to her!”
Eren cleared his throat as he fully entered the room, cutting off their conversation.
Immediately they all looked guilty.
“Sorry, Eren...” Armin mumbled.
Eren said nothing as he fell back onto the scratchy sofa with a huff.
Nirvana poked her head out from between his feet, blinking up at him with one eye. He reached down to scoop her up and place her in his lap. She wasn’t in the mood to be held, so she squirmed out of his grasp and hopped back onto the floor before darting off to chase an invisible force in the corner of the kitchen.
He reached over to pet Ted instead, the fat orange and white cat was completely passed out on his favourite couch cushion, like usual.
“How much does she know?” Armin asked.
“Not much,” Eren answered. “I didn’t know what was safe to tell her. She obviously knows she’s somewhere different but… I don’t think she knows how different.”
“Do you remember her?” Mikasa asked.
Eren stilled. “...yes...”
The way he said it, so softly and packed with a lifetime of pain and regret, was enough to keep the group from asking more.
“She’ll get her memories back soon,” Armin reassured, “take it slow and eventually she’ll be just like the rest of us.”
“Right,” Eren said as his fingers twirled around Ted’s soft orange fur.
“Just give it a few days,” Armin said again.
“Yeah,” Eren mumbled, unsure what to make of the hesitation churning in the pit of his stomach. “Sure.”
He should be happy, shouldn’t he? Happy that you wouldn’t stay this way forever. That eventually you’d regain your memories of this life and he could tell you the truth. Finally, for the first time, he could explain everything. Once he did that you’d stop loving such a horrible man and you'd love him instead.
You’d love Eren.
So he should be happy.
He should.
You’d find out who Mr. Kruger was and Eren should be happy.
“She’ll remember, Eren,” Armin reassured him for the third time with wide blue eyes full of hope and a comforting smile across his face.
Fear.
That was it.
Instead of joy, the only thing Eren felt was fear.
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#eren x reader#eren jeager x reader#eren yaeger x reader#aot x reader#my post#my writing#i found you too
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You totally should watch the Masaki Yuasa movies!
A couple of months ago, I did this thing where I watched a couple of anime movies, that had gone under my radar. Because let's face it: Outside of franchise related anime movies, we will mostly be aware of Studio Ghibli, Makoto Shinkai and Mamoru Hosoda. Other anime movies will often not be talked about in western anime spaces.
So, I consulted AniChart and just went through all sorts of anime movies, that were barely talked about.
The first of those was Ride Your Wave. And as @udaberriwrites, who got my life reaction, can tell you: This movie went places. It was one of the rare examples where there was a straight romance in an anime movie that I totally could get behind. A romance I found romantic. (Maybe not that much of a surprise, given the screenplay was bei Reiko Yoshida, who... just was a big influence on me. I loved so much of her stuff as a kid.) And then I looked at the timestamp of the movie. 25 minutes out of 96. And I went like: "One of them is gonna die, right?" And yes, I was right. So, I thought it was going to be a movie about moving on after loosing a loved person. Maybe about finding new love. But... Let me tell you, that was not were this movie went. Instead it just went on to be off the walls bonkers.
I am not going to spoil the movie for you. Just believe me: It is bonkers. And it is amazing. Really, really amazing.
Now, the next movie on my watchlist was Inu-Oh. A movie in a really weird animation style that originally turned me off. But that had such compelling characters and in the end really alive animation, that it kinda just captured me.
Again, I do not want to spoil the movie to you. But it was certainly something.
Well, and then I realized that those two movies, that I just happened to watch one after the other had been made by the same director: Masaaki Yuasa.
Now I was intrigued and just put in the other movies by him over the next few days. One of them I had seen before: The Night is Short, Walk On Girl.
And watching all those movies back, I could make out several things that tied them together. Mostly in terms of animation.
The characters are often very simplified, but the animation is very alive - actually following those old methods of animation, that would allow for characters to be off-model to show action. There is little in terms of shadows.
The characters are so lively. And it is just... nice to watch.
So, really. Watch the man's movies and anime. He also had done Devilman Crybaby, by the way. It is most certainly something else. Especially his movies.
The movies are:
The Night is Short, Walk on Girl Lu Over the Wall Ride your Wave Japan Sinks: 2020 Inu-Oh
Have fun!
#anime#anime movie#animation#masaaki yuasa#anime recommendation#the night is short walk on girl#lu over the wall#inu-oh#ride your wave#japan sinks 2020
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Overboard (Another Level Valentine's Blurb)
HI. I KNOW I'M SO FUCKING LATE, BUT I FINALLY DID IT. I WROTE THE BLURB THAT I PROMISED MONTHS AGO.
IT'S SO FUCKING FLUFFY, BTW.
Another Level Masterlist | Kiko's Masterlist | AO3 💕
Overboard 2020
Rinko released a heavy sigh at the sight of numerous boxes and bags piled on top of her desk when she opened the door to her office. Not a single inch of the surface was visible beneath the plethora of decorative containers, and she couldn’t help but chuckle when one fell off the side.
Stepping forward, she picked up the fallen bag and opened it to find a box of assorted chocolates.
She couldn’t even say she was surprised, but she’d admit that she found it shocking he’d managed to get it done before she got to work. He must have slipped out in the middle of the night.
A smile formed when she noticed a bag of black sesame cookies, grabbing them to munch on as she assessed the damage done to her office.
Overboard, as always, she mused to herself.
Again, she wasn’t surprised.
Admittedly, she had gone a bit overboard on Valentine’s Day to make up for missing last year. Even though it hadn’t been her fault.
The look on Gojo’s face when he realized she’d been able to convince them to sell her ten dozen caramel miso butter cookies in one order was priceless. She’d made it weeks in advance, and it had been ridiculously expensive for cookies. But his smile had made it all worth it.
They’d barely lasted him a week.
The fact that the man still had a fucking eight-pack and no diabetes was completely unfair.
“Like your gifts, baby?” his voice murmured in her ear, drawing a yelp from her as she jumped.
Gojo’s arm wrapped around her waist, his lips connecting with her temple.
“I love them,” she murmured. “You didn’t have to-”
“When has that ever stopped me?” he scoffed, squeezing her tightly.
She took another bite of her cookie, “Did you blackmail Megumi-”
“He asked if I was doing something and wanted to help,” Gojo cut her off, smirking at her raised eyebrows. She knew Megumi was thoughtful, but he also hated showing any kind of affection. “I know. He only got the cookies, though.”
Scanning the items she could see, she hummed when he squeezed her waist tighter. Yuuta and Yuuji had clearly helped as well, and she spotted a pack of rice balls from Toge.
“Did you do all of this last night?”
He just hummed in acknowledgment, leaning down to press his lips to her neck.
“There’s more.” Holding a box up in front of her face, he chuckled when she caught a whiff of it. “Happy White Day, Rinko-chan.”
Warm matcha and chocolate taiyaki filled her senses as she snatched the box and opened it excitedly. Leaning back into him, Rinko took a large bite of one of the pastries. Still fresh enough she had to puff air around the heat, and she sighed at the taste.
“Thank you, Satoru.”
“Anything for you,” he replied instantly. He nosed her ticklish spot playfully, and she swatted his head when he licked it instead.
“Down, boy,” she scolded lightly.
Glancing down, she met his eyes that gleamed at her over his shades.
“I know,” he sighed, lifting his head from her shoulder to peck her cheek. “Not at work.” He accepted a bite of her taiyaki, grinning at her as he chewed. “I’ll be back in a few hours. I’m stealing you away early.”
“I need to-”
He grasped her chin, pressing his lips to hers gently.
“It’s the weekend, baby,” he reminded, nipping her bottom lip. “You shouldn’t even be here today. But I’ll let it slide since shit has been busy lately. Ijichi can handle everything else while you get some rest.”
Leaving no more room for argument, he gave her another quick kiss and swatted her ass playfully as he straightened to his full height.
“Gimme a few hours,” he repeated, pushing his shades up his nose. “Gotta go deal with the old geezer for a bit.”
Smirking, she stood on her toes so she could reach his face, pecking his cheek in return.
“Thank you again for the gifts, darling.”
His sharp exhale was paired with his eyes narrowing slightly.
“Make that a couple hours,” he muttered. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
AN: In Japan, on Valentine's Day, the women give men chocolates/gifts, and then the men reciprocate a month later on March 14th, or White Day. The Valentine's tradition began when a company wanted to promote a western tradition for commercial reasons, but due to a mistranslation, it was implied that only men were supposed to receive gifts. Eventually, people decided to have a separate day for women to also receive gifts, which began the tradition of White Day.
Also, he got her sobayaki dan okonomayaki (from her favorite place in Kyoto, which is why he needed a few hours) and they spent the rest of the day watching movies and cuddling until he inevitably got horny
I know this is months late, but hopefully, you guys enjoyed this lil blurb!!
Remember, if you wanna make the caramel miso butter cookies for yourself, you can find my recipe here 💕
#gojo satoru x original female character#gojo satoru fanfic#another level#another level extras#another level blurb#gojo satoru#gojo fanfic#goinko extra#goinko#goinko valentine's day#goinko blurb#jujutsu gojo#gojo x reader#goinko fluff#gojo and rinko finally getting their happy ending#gojo and rinko#rinko and gojo#rinko and gojo fluff
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Inkworld Character Descriptions (Part 1 - Inkheart)
Note: I said I'd do this in 2020, and then didn't, so here it is now! Also, this is just characters' initial descriptions, otherwise this would be far to long. Please let me know if I've missed anything, and I will add it.
(Sorted by appearance in the book!)
Dustfinger
Page 11: At first, all seemed still outside except for the rain falling, murmuring as if the night had found its voice. But then footsteps approached the house, and the man emerged from the darkness of the yard, his long coat so wet with rain that it clung to his legs. For a split second, as the stranger stepped into the light spilling out of the house, Meggie thought she saw a small furry head over his shoulder, snuffling as it looked out of his rucksack and then quickly disappearing back into it.
Page 12: 'Twelve? My word!' Dustfinger pushed his dripping hair back from his forehead. It reached almost to his shoulders. The stubble around his narrow-lipped mouth was gingery, like the fur of the stray cat Meggie sometimes fed with a saucer of milk outside the door. Ginger hair sprouted from his cheeks, too, sparse as a boys first beard but not long enough to hide three long, pale scars. They made Dustfinger's face look like he'd been smushed and stuck back together again.
Page 27: He appeared so suddenly that Mo almost ran him down. He wore only a sweater, and he was shivering, with his arms over his chest. His coat was probably still damp from last night's rain, but his hair was dry now - a ruffled, sandy mop above his scarred face.
Mo
Page 16: Then he sat down on her bed, passed his hands over his tired face and looked out the window. His hair was as dark as moleskin.
Page 168: He was holding Inkheart. Meggie saw Mo's gaze linger on the book. Capricorn was a tall man, but Mo stood a few centimetres taller, which obviously displeased Capricorn.
Meggie
Page 16: Meggie had fair hair like her mother, who she knew only from a few faded photographs.
Gwin
Page 33: The creature was almost the size of a rabbit, but much, thinner, with a bushy tail now draped over Dustfinger's chest like a fur collar. It dug its slender claws into his sleeve while inspecting with its gleaming beady black eyes, and when it yawned it bared teeth as sharp as needles.
Elinor
Page 40: The woman who came out was older than Mo, quite a lot older - although Meggie could not be quite sure how old grown-up were. Her face reminded Meggie of a bulldog, but perhaps that was more her ferocious expression than its features. She wore a mouse grey sweater and an ash-gray skirt, with a pearl necklace 'round her neck and felt slippers on her feet, the kind of slippers Meggie had to wear when she and Mo had visited an historic castle.
Basta
Page 127: Basta was not a tall man, and his shoulders were almost as narrow as a boy's, but Meggie held her breath when he took a step towards her. She was afraid of him. She had never been so afraid of anyone before, and it wasn't just because of the shotgun in his hand. He had an aura of fury around him, of something keen and biting--
Capricorn
Page 131: Capricorn's dressing gown was red to. He was seated in an armchair when Basta entered the room with the three new arrivals, and a woman was kneeling in front of him cutting his toenails. The chair seemed to small for him. Capricorn was a tall man, and gaunt, as if the skin had been stretched too tight over his bones. His skin was as pale as parchment, his hair cut short and bristly. Meggie couldn't have said if it was grey or very fair.
Page 167: He was wearing a suit as red as the church walls. Only the shirt beneath it was black, and he had a black feather in the buttonhole.
Page 167: 'Did you sleep well, Silvertongue?' He had curiously soft, curving, almost feminine lips, and as he spoke he kept running his little finger along as if to retract them.
Flatnose
Page 161: One of the two men, a tall great tall beanpole, looked as if a giant had pressed his face flat with his thumb.
Cockerell
Page 161: The other was small and thin, with a goatee beard on his receding chin. He kept fiddling with his shotgun, and glowered unpleasantly at the three of them, as if he felt like shooting them on the spot.
Darius
Page 176: The church door opened as if Cockerell had been waiting for this cue. The man he ushered in had his head hunched between his shoulders and looked neither right nor left as he was followed Cockerell. He was small and thin, and couldn't be any older than Mo, but his back was bent like an old man's, and his arms and legs moved awkwardly, as if he didn't quite know what to do with them. He kept nervously adjusting his glasses. The frame was held together over the bridge of his nose with sticky tape, as if it had often been broken. He was clutching a number of books to his chest with his left arm, as if they offered some protection from the stares turned on him from all sides and the sinister place to which he had been brought.
Farid
Page 187: The boy was three of four years older than Meggie. The turban around his head was dirty, his eyes dark in his brown face. He blinked and rubbed them as if he could wipe it all away -- the wrong picture, the wrong place. He looked round the church as if he had never seen such a building before, and how could he? There wouldn't be any churches with spires in his story, or green hills like those would see outside. The robe he wore went down to his brown feet, and in the dim light of the church it shone blue as a patch of the sky.
Fenoglio
Page 257: It was just as Mo had said: in general one thinks of writers as dead, or very, very old. But the man who opened the door to the both of them, after Mo had rung the bell twice, was neither. That is, he was certainly quite old, at least in Meggie's eyes: in his mid-sixties or even older. His face was wrinkled like a turtle's, but his hair was black without a trace of grey (she was to find out later that he dyed it), and he didn't look at all fragile. On the contrary: he planted himself so impressively in the doorway that Meggie was instantly tongue-tied.
Mortola
Page 235: The old woman who looked like a magpie and whom Meggie didn't like to remember was standing beside them, impatiently giving directions.
Page 449: The Magpie rubbed her other leg. They were both wrapped in bandages that could be seen through the dark stockings she wore.
Resa
Page 381: Meggie couldn't see the face of the woman dangling in the net just beyond Dustfinger. She saw only the dark blonde hair, a blue dress, and slender hands clinging to the ropes.
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Hello good afternoon I stopped by yesterday and left an old article, but I found myself thinking that in the article there was no direct mention of you know who. I had that in my head, but I could only find this old post, from another blogger, until it resurfaced this afternoon (the gods are watching) and I could remember where I saw the reference. Anyway, it's just so you knew where it comes from... https://tvuckic.tumblr.com/post/624522742326312960/did-you-know-that-tony-manages-more-than-the
Dear Luke La Volpe Anon,
Poor soul, you sent me your asks on Thursday and Friday and I only got time to answer them on Sunday evening, after this very busy and exceptionally rich week-end. Please forgive this very belated feedback and I am sure you understand.
For clarity, your first ask was this one:
Immediately reacting to your ask, I went to read the short Edinburgh News 2020 feature on Luke La Volpe's real debut on stage and it left me even more confused than at the beginning of it all. This guy is super-prudent and for the life of me, I could not see the link to McBeanie Prod. So thank you for coming back and clarifying.
This read like an unwelcome Dickensian tidbit in our post-modern, immediate results oriented world:
Twelve-hour shifts, barely on stage and nine gigs a month is absolutely grueling, especially when you have the feeling of being completely stuck, both life and career-wise.
I asked myself who the fuck was his Svengali and surely enough, @tvuckic's post was totally enlightening:
What else can I tell you? Good for Luke La Volpe (Gibson), on the short term, at least:
Being awarded the 2020 Scottish Music Breakthrough Artist is no small feat, for someone who could have been stuck for ever in McBeanie's Purgatory Prod. And then, nothing more - remember (always, always LOL), he is a small local player and same goes for The Fratellis, which is a small, local indie band.
Some strike it big, like the Reid twins, who later went on and became The Proclaimers. Probably because McBeanie was only 11, when they had their breakthrough, in 1987, with what is my favorite song of anything they could ever write afterwards (500 Miles is also very good, but this? this is damn top notch):
youtube
We're still to hear good news from Luke 'The Fox' Gibson, though. And yeah, you are right: McInsipid is no pro, he's just a sloppy sloth. Nothing new about that, really. People thinking he's a millionaire probably mistake him for a drug dealers' ring leader, or something. Money is not easy to make, especially in the entertainment industry.
Thank you for dropping by with such a useful reminder and thank you again for your angelic patience, Anon!
[Later Edit]: remember when those idiots thought I was @tvuckic? I laughed so hard, I choked.
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I need to know the process of max and daniel telling people in glitter. I mean, obviously there were 80 billion people who found out based on everyone being at their wedding, them casually mentioning it at f1 shoots, obviously the teams knowing, etc, but the key first reveals? Who knew, how they told them, how they took, etc, I want to know all! Also, I want all the insight of them in 2022 that you’re up for sharing with how they navigated the emotional minefield there, because the snippet you shared about the two shows such a interesting glimpse into max being in the peak of his career while his boyfriend is falling and suffering and barely eating and forcing smiles when he’s never had to before. Sorry, two very broad questions in one ask, but since we as outsiders don’t have the details, I definitely have some curiosities around these bigger topics.
Final, actually more specific question: how is Daniel with the cats?
yes, i will say that this socmed format def has one downfall and it's not being able to share the deeper details but i am very happy to just dump all of this here, hope this satisfies some of your curiosities anon!
how max and daniel tell everyone:
charles is absolutely the first person max and daniel tell, and that's just because he was the first person to catch an inkling that they may want to be more than friends. that's done with a facetime with max and daniel (which is in ch 3, charles' post). he was basically the driving force to getting maxiel together-- they got together after daniel invited max to stay in his house in perth during COVID, there’s a kookaburra called gary that taunts max to make the first move, it’s a whole thing--charles basically forced daniel to invite him over. but also, there are definitely drivers who thought they were already dating, here's a snippet from the new year's day fic, a conversation between daniel and nico hulkenburg during singapore, 2019.
Are you two okay? We’re fine I know you don’t like talking about him but you’re okay right? It’s awful when you fight with your partner, but I guess it’s worse for you cause you have to race him the next day. Nico What We’re not dating Oh Did you think I was dating Max this whole time?! Does Max know that
i don’t think they tell the rest of the drivers, probably just the ones they’re close with. if charles knows, pierre knows. when max told alex he was going to stay in australia, he laughed really loudly, gave a pat on the back to max and said “charles told me you two were always weird about each other” and walks away. so make of that what you will. they don’t tell george, he finds out from someone and feels instantly betrayed as leader of the daniel ricciardo fanclub but gets over it quickly. no one tells sebastian but they both get a “Congratulations. — Sebastian” text one random day.
max’s sister instantly finds out when he doesn’t come back to europe for lockdown. daniel doesn’t tell his mum till max has left to go back to the UK before the season starts again, but she already knew (he wore a red bull shirt with 33 on it whilst they socially distanced exchanged food with each other).
the red bull team find out during a meeting where daniel walks through the living room with a basket of laundry. they don't say anything there, but daniel receives a vague message from a number he doesn't recognise basically being like treat him right etc etc (it's GP.) the renault team were under the impression that they were dating the whole time, so no shock from them.
but i think for the first two years (2020-2022) they try and keep it as much as a secret as they can, especially because of how turbulent their careers were at that time. when daniel has his pseudo 6 month sabbatical and is back with red bull, that’s when they slowly start to talk about their relationship around everyone more. (with the help of some very strong NDAs i imagine to stop stuff from leaking. but people probably respect them enough to not leak. it’s a fictional universe, people are nicer here.)
2022:
2022 is a real turning point for them. as you put very nicely, max is at the peak of his career, daniel has never been lower. i think for both of them it's a do or die point of their relationship--i think they were kind of stuck in this honeymoon period during the first year of the relationship, but daniel going through a depressive period snaps them both out of it. obviously, i can only speak for my own fictionalised daniel ricciardo and my own experiences, but i think he just slowly stops trying. like here's what i wrote, and i think it just encapsulates what daniel feel internally throughout the year:
“Sometimes I think you are not angry enough about it. You used to fight back everything you did not like at Red Bull and now Lando says you just sit there in meetings and accept all the bad things they’ve thrown at you.”
he’s tried being nice about it, he’s tried being angry about it and none of it works, so why try anymore? but also this is when max realises that daniel needs something tangible for him to realise that max is in it for the long run, which is how the tattoo is born. it doesn’t fix all their problems, time will help, but it’s a nice thing. he doesn’t tell max but max getting a no.3 tattoo is basically a marriage proposal in his eyes and frankly it is—if someone came up to me and was like hey i got a tattoo of your racing number 3 next to where you always place your hand on me and when they’re together it reads 33 which is my racing number, i would’ve dragged their ass to the nearest government office and got married right there, but that’s just me—the actual proposal is probably in early 2023, and it’s max who proposes whilst they go on a bushwalk, he knew that daniel has bought a ring recently and wanted to catch him off guard. (proposal pic is daniel’s post on august 5th in ch3)
daniel and the cats:
the cats definitely hate him at first (i have genuinely never heard a nice, calm story from jimmy and sassy). they destroy his shoes by playing with the shoelaces, only sit on daniel’s clean laundry, sleep on his side of the bed (cats are vindictive like that) but after a couple weeks of this behaviour they probably realise that daniel’s not going anywhere. they like him more when he buys some super duper expensive cat treat and max comes to the conclusion his boyfriend has stolen the hearts of his cats.
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Love of My Life
LOML closes out Harry's House, it's a sad song about realising someone is the love of his life after he had lost them. Harry has spoken about an albums start and end, Harry's House starts with Sushi, imploring his muse to let love in and asking himself if just a taste of love is enough. LOML is about loss of that person and realisation that they were the love of his life. To Zane Lowe Harry said:
"Love of my life, I’ve always wanted to write a song about like home and loving England and all that kind of stuff. And it’s always kinda hard to do without being like ‘went to the chippy and I did this thing’ and to me Love of My Life was the most terrifying song for a long time because it is so bare, it's so sparse." He went on to say: "And in the spirit of what Harry's House is about, I think it started as an idea that was very literal, on the nose, [...] As I started making the album it wasn't about the geographical location it was much more of an internal thing."
So, what he said was that it is about his home and England is a metaphor. Home is common theme in Harry's work, most notably in Sweet Creature but even in 1D it has meant more than a place to him. The notebook also has a quote 'your mother is my home'. Taylor has also used home or homeland to refer to Harry, WomanExile has a great post on their usage of home as a metaphor for each other.
The Lyric Video has roses, which Harry and Taylor Swift also use to refer to each other:
Since 1989, all rose and thorn lyrics are about Harry
Harry 's rose Tattoo is from 11 September 2013, when they started dating again after the VMAs.
Roses have been in videos, outfits, social media posts about each other, a list is here.
Timeline
In the NY ONO show Harry said he wrote it in Rob Stringers' (Sony CEO) house and that the phone ringing in it is his. As it Was was recorded in the same session, and in part, has a similar meaning. This places it in the first half of 2021. After the rest of the album, California. Also after Folk/evermore which are about communicating and endings respectively. Harry had seen Taylor in March at the 2021 Grammy's. At the time it was written Taylor was still dating Joe. Harry had been dating Olivia for a few months.
California in particular refers to 'summers death left to breathe' indicating that there may have been an ending of sorts in 2020 before he returned to England and drove to Italy over the time Folklore was released.
Though not lyrically addressed, to me LOML is a 'yes' to Question..?'s "Did you realize out of time, she was on your mind?" Question was written in the same time period, after the Grammy's interaction but was released 6 months later.
Tracklisting, release and length
Love of My Life is Harry's only track 13, Taylor's number. It was released on her birthday. It is 3:12 long, or March, 31 2012 - the date they met.
Live shows
Harry said to Zane Lowe he thought he would close the show with it. And he did up until March 25 2023 when it was replaced by Fine Line in the last leg. Later that same week Taylor Swift replaced Invisible String with The 1 and announced her split from Joe Alwyn. It only returned for the 3 Wembley shows.
It was missing for 30 shows and is one of the least played Harry’s House songs, only above Boyfriends and Grapejuice which was added for the last leg.
Lyrics
Baby, you were the love of my life, woah Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it
The first verse is a turn on the phrase “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” he reconnected with his love and found she is the 1 but it is past tense, he still lost her. This is similar to the Clean secret message, which also appeared in the OOTW video “She lost him but she found herself and somehow that was everything.” And the cyclical nature of this relationship.
Take a walk on Sunday through the afternoon We can always find somethin' for us to do We don't really like what's on the news, but it's on all the time
The second verse to me is remembering good times with this person, when he felt at home, with shared experiences and comfort. The Central Park walk with Taylor was on a Sunday.
I take you with me every time I go away In a hotel, usin' someone else's name I remember back at Jonny's place, it's not the same anymore
To me, I take you with me everytime I go away refers to what Harry said about an internal feeling, no matter where he is in the world his love is ever-present even when they are not.
In the Dublin show on the 22nd June 2023 Harry confirmed this refers to his childhood friend is Jonathan Harvey. This speaks to Harry’s concept of home as the feeling that you are loved and belong. To me this reference is to when Harry took Taylor on a tour of his home in England, to the lakes, where he grew up and she may have met Jonny in 2012. She said that was her best birthday, sharing his home with her was important to him. To me, this line means their relationship is different now to it was then. As it was is also similar with with an external view of how others would see them and their place in life.
It's unfortunate, ooh Just coordinates, ooh
It’s unfortunate, just coordinates sounds to me like he’s reflecting on how they got from the Lakes trip to their current state. This applies to his feelings about love and home. The impact touring has had on his life, what is home and his relationships.
I don't know you half as well as all my friends I won't pretend that I've been doin' everything I can To get to know your creases and your ends Are they the same?
Knowing his love is a theme, in Sunflower Harry sang “Let me inside, I wanna get to know you” and in Fine Line “Spreading you open Is the only way of knowing you” to explore the idea of intimacy co-existing with distance with the same person.
He also sings about not knowing his love in Trouble “And I don’t even know you / But I feel like I do sometimes”. Interestingly in If I could fly he feels like she knows him “Now you know me / for you eyes only”.
The “are they the same” speaks to once knowing all the creases and ends but not now. “Super Pretty” has a similar theme of distant intimacy and vulnerability “do you still feel the same about me”.
Baby, you were the love of my life, woah Maybe you don't know what's lost 'til you find it It's not what I wanted, to leave you behind Don't know where you'll land when you fly But, baby, you were the love of my life
The final chorus adds “don’t know where you’ll land when you fly” which confirms he is singing to a person not a country. Specifically a person with a private jet who can fly without the destination known. For that person every mystery take off is relentlessly tracked by an instagram account. How alienating it must be to someone who loves and wants her to see that and not know.
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in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)
kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.
also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all
tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?
ive died two times in my life so far.
the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.
the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.
i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.
and then i died again.
this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.
it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning
i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:
im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?
so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.
and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.
i was reborn.
at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:
i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed
i finished about six chapters of my book
i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head
i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked
i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer
i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends
i started focusing on my studies
i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings
dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird
and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.
but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.
and if finding happiness a losing battle?
well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.
#mental health day#world mental health day#october 10#tw sewerslide attempt#tw mentions of death#tw mentions of self harm#tw self destructive behavior#road to recovery
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obscurebelief answered:
He stared at the younger with a question that he never heard of before. And if it were good witch or bad witch, it'd still feel a lot less complicated given he is just him. Good to some, bad to most.
"Wizard of what?" He asked, staring at Wil but listened. "Um. Yes I've flown broomstick before. Oh? Are you a witch?" He asked, "or wizard? One of those?"
He was avoiding the question. But he thought on it. Specialty? He only had deadly ones nowadays. Phoenix friend? Maybe. Obscurus Magic? Was that possible? He didn't know. Death and Torture magic? Yes.
He didn't know what he was, he just was Aurelius. He didn't seek out really anything, never really given thought until now. "I... I don't know. I um.. I never thought of what I did before. I write, I take care of my phoenix, I learn everything I can." He didn't know if he should add killing and harming others yet.
Wil had barely aged if at all since last time he met the boy in New York. Back when he was a broken and nearly dead Second Salemer. His eyes stared at Wil. "I don't know at all. I am usually labelled as a monstrosity, wanted monster, Obscurial, I never really thought of staying with one profession..
Every once in a while I accidentally travel through time. First the 80's in Hawkins, Indiana. And now the 2020's." He was not exactly good with either time to. Given he still had trouble figuring out how microwaves worked or phones for that matter.
__________________________
“Me?” He asked with a bubbled laugh. “No~,” he laughed, again. “I thought you knew, silly. I’m Peter Pan’s son. I’m half Fae.” He found it amusing. He thought the guy had known, considering ... well... they met before, even though couldn’t remember much of any of those details, but he did see him drop in talking about the dragons with Harry that one day.
But the man was seriously derailing from the question...
“No, no, not all that stuff,” Wil interjected at the guy’s explanation. “I mean where do you draw your magic from? Like for me, I draw mine from dream and from the season of Autumn, so does my other dad, the biological one. My brother though, he was ... is a witch,” he caught himself because he still had no word on that. Wil had sent out his letter ages ago, but he still hadn’t heard back. He would believe, though, that he was alive and sitting in his garden. “But he drew his magic from the plants mostly and the Earth, I believe. Itttt’s been a long time.”
Wil shook his head and listened more about the guy being called a monster.
“Humans are like that. Well, a lot of them are. They used to call me that, too when I was little and lived here. I was a freak. I think maybe just sometimes we’re in the wrong company is all. I mean when you’re surrounded by freaks it’s the normal people who are freaks. It’s perspective. It’s why I live now in Neverland. I don’t have to pretend there or try to fit in to what others call ‘normal,’ besides, I don’t like hopping around places. I spent enough of my human life doing that and I’d have to move a lot to not let on that I don’t age. You should be careful, though, about traveling through time. It can mess up things badly.”
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february was a really good month for music!!! i enjoyed so many projects from both artists i've loved for a long time and some i haven't enjoyed in the past at all. there were a few disappointing ones too, one album in particular spawning some of the most irritating discourse in a long time, but i'm trying to look at the positives!! here are my thoughts on some of the most notable projects that dropped this month!!! to check out my thoughts on some of the songs that dropped this month click here!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3
What Now - Brittany Howard
🥇 ALBUM OF THE MONTH
◇ genre: psychedelic soul
When Brittany Howard dropped her first solo record, Jaime, back in 2019, I was absolutely obsessed with it. The shift from the blues rock-centric sound of her other work to the world of psychedelic soul worked extremely well. However, as with most new music I was obsessed with during that time, it feels like it was so long ago. I think the pandemic made me sort of forget a lot of these albums I once loved. For some subconscious reason, I don't revisit many of the new records I loved from late 2019 to early 2020. Jaime was unfortunately one of them. When I heard this new album was on the way, I was excited and listened to like one of the singles, but nothing more. When I finally sat down to listen to What Now, it felt like meeting up with an old friend and hitting it off almost immediately.
The opener "Earth Sign" shook me to my core on my first listen. It's spacey, slow-building, but when Howard emphatically sings that third "out thereeee" in the third verse it acts like a call to arms for the drums to come booming in. Such a cool moment moment. The next track "I Don't" is one of the more straightforward psychedelic soul cuts on the album and it's so gorgeous. I can't get enough of it. The title track picks up the pace a bit and is almost funk rock. I adore Howard's fuzzy guitar on this song. It's probably also a good time to mention how the rest of the musicians on this project do an amazing job. "Another Day" and "Prove It to You" are really interesting detours into a more dance direction. They simultaneously sound out of place while also fitting right in. I would love to hear these sounds be explored further on future albums. The album's home stretch kicks off with "Samson" which might be Howard's most intimate moment from a musical standpoint. Very bare guitar parts, organ, and some saxophones peppered in. Stunningly beautiful. She immediately fires back up for "Patience" which features some of my favorite instrumentation across the whole record. Mixing together those funky basslines and guitar licks before shifting into some sweeping keyboards on the later half of the track. "Every Color in Blue" is a phenomenal final note. Again, mixing together some subtle jazz instrumentation with Howard's awe-inspiring vocals. You just have to hear this. I've listened to this album a ton since it dropped. I'm still uncovering new things I didn't appreciate on the last listen. Please don't let this album fly under your radar!!
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
SCRAPYARD - Quadeca
◇ genres: art pop, experimental hip hop, electronic
I'll be honest, I didn't know who Quadeca was before his last album I Didn't Mean to Haunt You. I learned after the fact that he was a YouTuber and that many were shocked he had made an album that good. The quality for "YouTuber music" is nearly in the dirt, but that record kind of pushed Quadeca out of the label of "YouTuber music." I enjoyed the album a good bit, although I found him to be a bit overhyped by many following its release. I don't know if that's where my lack of knowledge on Quadeca comes into play, but it's just how I felt. Then comes SCRAPYARD and I'm forced to eat the biggest crow ever. This new mixtape from Quadeca has him showcasing his range as not just a producer, but a rapper, lyricist, and multi-instrumentalist as well. Opener "Dustcutter" is an emo-rap track with elements of art pop mixed in and it's amazing. His exasperated, frantic delivery at various points throughout the track creates this very anxious tension that feels almost palpable. The next track, "A la carte" with brakence, picks up the pace a bit and the two work very well together. "Pretty Privilege" veers heavily into the art pop and it's so great. Hits pretty close to home as someone who has struggled with body image issues and Quadeca handles these themes in a tactful way. "Easier" shows another switch-up as he delves into some folktronica. He shows so much more depth as an artist here and to think this is the "scrapyard." One of the more no-frills hip hop tracks here is "Guess Who?" and it's a fun listen. The final three tracks are extremely poignant and offer some of the most intimate moments on the record. "U Tried That Thing Where Ur Human" reminds me a bit of a Xiu Xiu track except a bit less ... Xiu Xiu. "Guide Dog" is a really emotional indie folk cut and one that grows on me over reoccurring listens. "Texas Blue" is the most I've enjoyed a Kevin Abstract feature since like high school. Quadeca and Abstract have an incredible chemistry here. It really feels like the perfect way to end this project. Quadeca, I'm sorry for thinking you were overhyped. This SCRAPYARD mixtape is exceptional and I can't wait to hear what you do next.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Where we've been, Where we go from here - Friko
◇ genre: indie rock
Many reviewers have drawn a clear line of influence from Where we've been, Where we go from here and indie rock of the 2000s. Those reviewers would be absolutely correct too. If you told me this was an indie rock staple of that era with a Pitchfork Best New Music review to its name, I might believe you. However, this is a band's debut album in the year 2024. One of the most exciting in recent memory, made even more so by Friko being relatively unknown before this project. It's like it appeared out of thin air. Randomly here's one of the most polished indie rock albums in a while that puts a modern twist on an old formula. An old formula that I have a soft spot for, for better or for worse. Even by the opener, "Where We've Been," I knew this album was something special, at least for me. Vocalist and guitarist Niko Kapetan absolutely steals the show here. His voice is shaky, but effortlessly melodic. "Crimson to Chrome" has one of the most memorable choruses I've heard in a minute, it's been stuck in my head for days. Drummer Bailey Minzenberger really kills it here too. The energy keeps up on the next track "Crashing Through." Those first three tracks alone are a hell of a statement for a debut record. "Chemical" veers into the post-punk and shows the band's range very well. Even when the band get a bit quieter like on "Until I'm With You Again," there's still just this ... energy to it all. Friko sound so confident here, like they know they're gonna be a big name in the genre in a very short time. I hope I'm right about that because this album is amazing. I was a bit floored by how much I enjoyed this. Incredibly excited to see what Friko have in store for us next.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
PHASOR - Helado Negro
◇ genres: indietronica, neo-psychedelia
Similarly to Brittany Howard, Roberto Carlos Lange's music has escaped me over the last few years. I enjoyed his 2019 album This Is How You Smile, but I just kind of lost track of him. However, I saw his new album PHASOR getting some buzz and I decided to check it out. I'm glad I did! It's a gorgeous album full of sweet, borderline ambient songs. "I Just Want to Wake Up With You" is such a simple song, but it's so enjoyable. The repetition of the chorus never feels irritating because the production and instrumentation are so nice. It almost feels like you're swimming and the little synth flourishes remind me of early electronic music from the 70's. The whole album is full of stuff like that too. It's such an easy listen. Each song just breezes past you so gently. It doesn't demand your attention, but if you decide to give it some you will be rewarded. "Out There" sounds so cool and more complex than some of the other songs here while not losing the subtlety of the album. "Best For You and Me" is similar in this aspect too with its driving piano chords and fuzzy synths bubbling up underneath Lange's soft vocals. The most raucous track here is the opener "LFO (Lupe Finds Olivieros)" which is a cool mix of indie rock with the rest of the album's spacey synth work. This album has really grown on me over multiple listens. It's so easy to throw on whenever. It fits nearly every mood and doesn't overstay its welcome at all. It's also reminded me to go back and revisit more of his work from the past!
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She - Chelsea Wolfe
◇ genres: darkwave, post-industrial
Chelsea Wolfe is a name that sounded vaguely familiar to me before I listened to her new record She Reaches Out to She Reaches Out to She, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard any of her stuff before this. Upon listening, I have a strong desire to dive into her back catalog. This album is excellently produced and wonderfully written. These songs are dark and often chilling. Both due to Wolfe's unique vocals and the production. You're thrown right into it with "Whispers In The Echo Chamber" as Wolfe sings about seeing things "beyond reality" and the dark synths really accentuate that feeling. The song eventually builds into a big industrial burst with a ripping guitar part towards the end of the track. I loved the range presented here and it's present across the whole album. Wolfe shines in both the softer moments and the louder moments. "House of Self-Undoing" is more straight-forward industrial rock. Even amidst the wild drums and guitars, Wolfe's vocals stand out. The lyricism here strikes a nice balance between substance and style. The majority of the tracks here have at least one lyric that is razor sharp despite the ethereal vocals. "The Liminal" is a really great trip-hop cut and an unexpected, but welcome change of pace after the slow-burning "Tunnel Lights." As was "Eyes Like Nightshade" which blends elements from dance music into this dark world Wolfe is creating. It's such an easy album to get sucked into. Even with the sonic shifts, these songs immerse you in their weird world. The album ends with one of its most fiery moments, "Dusk," as Wolfe aptly sings "and I will go through the fire" as the heavy industrial guitars and drums almost drown her out. I really loved this album. Wolfe managed to balance both the chaos and relative tranquility on the album just by her performance alone. Really need to listen to more of her stuff!
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
All Life Long - Kali Malone
◇ genres: drone, holy minimalism
My first introduction to Kali Malone's work was through her 2022 album Living Torch. A really interesting two part, 33-minute drone piece that had a really dark atmosphere to it. Her last album, Does Spring Hide Its Joy, was way more expansive at three hours. I had to listen to it over multiple days. It played on a lot of the themes of the previous, except grander. This new album is trimmed down a bit, but it has some of her strongest material. Opening the album with the choral "Passage Through the Spheres" is a very interesting choice. It doesn't really sound like much of the album musically, but it sets the tone very well. All Life Long sounds like the album art suggests. Everything feels cold. Maybe not the standing the snow kind of cold, but a really strong, uncomfortable chill. The title track, split into versions both for organ and voice, is a big highlight here. Malone's plodding organ on the former feels like you're stepping into somewhere you shouldn't be. It sounds haunted. "No Sun to Burn (for Brass)" lightens the mood just a bit and is a really striking minimalist composition. "Prisoned on Watery Shore" is a mellow drone cut and it keeps you hooked the whole time. Just by the first four tracks Malone has taken us down so many avenues and flexed her range as a composer. I love the dark droney synths and little organ flourishes on "Fastened Maze." I do like when Malone works with a brass quintet and the choirs, but they really shine with the drone stuff. She's so good at creating distinct atmospheres in each of her compositions. All Life Long might be my favorite project of Malone's yet. The majority of the songs here are really well composed and evoked some kind of reaction from me. Not sure if I would recommend starting with it if you're new to Malone's work, I would say Living Torch is still the best entry point, but definitely give this a listen after.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Prelude to Ecstasy - The Last Dinner Party
◇ genre: indie rock, glam rock, pop rock
I mentioned this in my singles & songs post from last month, but I have been loving the singles leading up to this album. Even if the entire debut from the London glam rock band didn't live up to the hype those songs gave me, I would still be pretty satisfied. Luckily, Prelude to Ecstasy is a really good debut. The band dives into themes of gender, generational trauma, and toxic relationships accompanied by some catchy, cathartic songwriting. The best example of this is the band's biggest hit thus far, "Nothing Matters." I touched on it briefly in the aforementioned post from last month, but I just adore that song. One of the most well-crafted rock songs of the decade so far. That chorus sticks with you for days. I wish I could be a bit contrarian and say that the biggest hit isn't the best song, but I just can't here. That isn't to say the rest of the material here is weak, far from it, this album is loaded with great songs. "Burn Alive" veers into a more post-punk sound which fits the band so well. The lyrics discuss turning pain into art and lead vocalist Abigail Morris has defined it as the band's "mission statement." Very strong start to the record. I wrote about how great "Caesar on a TV Screen" was last month, but I enjoyed it even more in the context of the album. "Sinner" is another great example of the band's glam rock sound. It sounds so classic, but not in the extra-derivative Greta Van Fleet way. They use these sounds from the past and put their own spin on it. All in all, this is a very strong debut album. Occasionally the band can drift into the generic, but those moments are few and far between. They're even more forgivable when you compare them to what other new stuff is playing on your local alternative station. I'll definitely take it over any son of Mumford.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Loss of Life - MGMT
◇ genre: neo-psychedelia
Nearly 6 years removed from their stellar previous album, Little Dark Age, MGMT have finally returned with Loss of Life. An album that sees them leaning away from the synth-heavy sound of the previous in favor of a more organic sound. Guitars and the occasional piano are usually the driving force behind these songs. The psychedelia present through all of their work is also here which is to be expected. The album opens with "Loss of Life Pt. 2," which features some of the most electronic instrumentation across the whole record and a lot of it would be reprised for the closing title track. Lead single "Mother Nature" follows it and it really was the perfect choice for a lead single. It introduces this "era" of the band perfectly. More organic instrumentation, more mature lyrics, while still having those hooks that really stick with you. I think this is one of the best songs the band have ever made and while a lot of the songs following don't reach those heights, plenty come very close. "People In The Streets" follows the same formula as that song, but way more mellow. I love the bass on this track, it's so prevalent in the mix. The next track "Bubblegum Dog" is almost glam rock and they pull off that sound pretty well. The lyrics feel like a meditation on the creative process and moving forward. Interesting themes that I'm interested in hearing from them at this stage in their career. A lot of the songs here, as good as most of them are, just leave me wanting a little bit more. I often found myself wanting the band to take a few more risks and get a bit wilder on the musical front. I feel like you could've explored these more mature themes while also getting a bit crazier with it. As this album dropped only last week, I don't feel like my opinions on it are fully formed. Maybe I'll enjoy it more over more listens as the year rolls on. For the most part, Loss of Life is a really good return for the band and an interesting release in their discography.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Still - Erika de Casier
◇ genre: contemporary r&b
Erika de Casier had been on my radar for years, but I never got around to listening to any of her albums in full. I was inspired to listen to her new album due to her incredible single from last month, "Lucky." A really sleek, atmospheric drum and bass cut with a killer hook and production that still wows me even after multiple listens. It's probably still my favorite track on the album, but that's not to say there aren't other amazing tracks on Still. The reggaetón undertones of "Home Alone" were a very welcome surprise. "ice" is has a very funky bassline and a nice feature from They Hate Change. "Believe It" has a subtle bit of trip-hop thrown in and some of my favorite hooks on the whole record. The album's sounds are deceptively eclectic as de Casier blends them together so well. The incredible production across Still can sometimes be to its detriment. On a few tracks, the production feels let down by some weak songwriting. Not bad by any means, but I just wish there was a bit more of an edge to them. de Casier is a very good pop songwriter and pretty much every track has a good hook, chorus, etc., but it doesn't leave much of an impact beyond that. "Ex-Girlfriend" and "Twice" are examples of this. Really nice beats, but I feel like they never reach the heights they have the potential to. Even with those gripes, Still is a really well-crafted record and there is no shortage of great stuff here.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Other Rooms - Adriaan de Roover
◇ genres: ambient, electroacoustic
I don't know much about Adriaan de Roover at all. I found this album on the front page of Bandcamp and decided to check it out because the genres looked appealing. Sometimes you need a good ambient album and Other Rooms is a satisfying listen. There are some gorgeous ambient soundscapes on this project with some glitchy moments peppered in. In fact, the album starts off with one of those moments. "Yet" has these prickly, glitchy synths throughout, yet an almost eerie wave of noise accompanies them. It creates a really cool dynamic. If you're just looking for some good ol' ambient, check out the tracks "Homebound" and "Dank U." My favorite piece here is the title track. It features some nice ambient synth-work alongside these distant choir-like vocals and some chilling piano chords thrown in. The backend of the tracks turns to something far more sinister with one of the most outwardly unsettling dark warbles. There always feels like there's something underneath a lot of the songs. I just wish it was a bit more fleshed out. At just under 30-minutes in length, I feel like there was a bit more to explore. Still definitely worth checking out if you're looking for a good ambient album with a decent amount of depth to dive into.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Club Shy - Shygirl
◇ genres: house, dance-pop
There's not really much to say about this new Shygirl EP except that it's a really strong, concise collection of house and dance-pop tracks. A bit of a detour from the sound of her previous album Nymph, but it works so well. She works with a ton of different producers here and it's incredible how cohesive it all sounds. Every track hits and there's very rarely a dull moment. "4eva" and "thicc" are probably the biggest highlights here for me. I'm a total, anti-social geek that doesn't go to clubs, but those songs make me want to. If you need a quick collection of thumping club songs, look no further.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Unwired Detour - Asian Glow
◇ genres: noise pop, indietronica
I've listened to a decent amount of Asian Glow's work over the last few years. They've been involved in some pretty interesting projects throughout the decade so far both on their own and with other noisy/shoegaze artists such as Weatherday and Parannoul. They played bass on the latter's After the Night live album which was one of my favorites last year. However, it seems as though the Asian Glow project is coming to an end with Unwired Detour. They announced on their Bandcamp that this would be the "last album [they'll] ever release for Asian Glow." It doesn't feel like your typical "final album" though, at least to me. I'm sure it has a lot more personal significance for the artist, but this just sounds like an extremely promising album from a young artist and one that could be a stepping stone to much greater heights.
The album features some really good noise pop/indietronica tracks with some having more of a rock edge than others. "Ashes" is one of my favorite cuts here because of that rock edge. It also feels like one of the more lively tracks here from a production standpoint. I feel the same way about "Kuroitamago #2" and "Faucet." This album is at its best when they cut loose a bit. A lot of these songs are really good, but the production feels like a big barrier preventing them from reaching that next level. Like on the opener "Down in the sink" which is just begging to be free from the Wall of Sound production style. I still think on the whole this project is worth checking out. I also am excited to hear whatever comes next from the artist formerly known as Asian Glow.
listen here: Apple Music (not available) Spotify (not available) Bandcamp SoundCloud (not available) YouTube (not available) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
2093 - Yeat
◇ genres: industrial hip hop, experimental hip hop, trap
I haven't really been crazy about a lot of Yeat's music, but 2093 is probably his strongest album to date. There are so many really cool ideas here and there are some awesome moments here from a production standpoint. However, it would be even better if it were reigned in and shortened by maybe even 20 minutes. He commits to the concept of 2093 and being in the future, but that kinda wears thin when multiple songs hammer that concept home over and over again. On the whole it can be a very tiresome listen made somewhat worthwhile due to a large number of highlights. "Morë" and "U Should Know" are my two favorite tracks on the album if just for the beats alone. They sound so cool and the former dives into the industrial hip hop sound really well. Yeat's bars are pretty nice for the most part, he's not my favorite rapper and often he never surpasses the "this is fine" territory, but he works within these songs very well. I'll always be a sucker for reoccurring lyrical themes across an album. Lil Wayne locked in for his verse on "Lyfestylë" which makes it another standout. I really had a difficult time getting into the later half of the album, but the penultimate track "If We Being Rëal" brought me back into it. There is a really, really solid album within 2093. If you took the cream of the crop and maybe saved the rest for a deluxe edition, you would be absolutely golden.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp (not available) SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
TANGK - IDLES
◇ genre: art rock, post-punk
IDLES decided to switch things up going into their fifth studio album, partially stepping away from the raucous energy of their previous work in favor of something softer, less aggressive. They enlist the help of Nigel Godrich and frequent collaborator Kenny Beats for the bulk of production duties here. Godrich especially has heaps of experience in the art rock world mainly through his production work on every Radiohead studio album besides Pablo Honey. The production really is one of the standout things about TANGK, unfortunately I don't really know if IDLES is the best at making the most of it. This isn't a bad album by any means and I do warm up to it bit by bit after every listen, but I can't help but feel like a lot of this is underwhelming. I'm all for bands expanding their sound and trying different things, but I feel like IDLES lose a good bit of their charm by going into this direction. The best moments on the album are the ones reminiscent of the wild energy of their previous work. Especially "Dancers", a collab with LCD Soundsystem and a track that somehow flew under my radar last year. That swinging chorus rules so hard. "Hall & Oates" is another massive highlight for a lot of the same reasons. "Gift Horse" is awesome too and shows the band kinda leaning further towards dance-punk.
IDLES really thrive with that rough around the edges sound. Not all of their forays away from it are bad, in fact, none of them are really. Many just feel kinda boring.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Drop 7 - Little Simz
◇ genres: UK hip hop, electronic dance music
It breaks my heart to write this, but Drop 7 was underwhelming. Little Simz is one of my favorite artists going today and her last three studio albums are absolutely incredible. Her 2021 album Sometimes I Might Be Introvert was my favorite album of that year and I would give it a very prestigious 10/10 score!! I was so hyped for this EP once she started teasing it on social media. The snippets showed her venturing into some more electronic production and I was intrigued. Unfortunately, those experiments don't really come together to make a great EP. There are some really good moments though. The opener "Mood Swings" is great and shows her feeling right at home with this style. The next track "Fever" is also one of the better cuts here, but it highlights a big issue I have with this project. Her typical incredible flows and lyricism aren't really present here across this EP. Most of the time her bars feel like an afterthought and oftentimes there isn't much else to carry the tracks on any other front besides that. One of the only exceptions is "SOS" which is a nice tribal house track that makes me want to dive into the genre more. I'm trying not to be too harsh on this EP because it's obvious she uses the Drop EPs to experiment and test out ideas, but Drop 7 left a lot to be desired. I don't think this journey into electronic/house music is a bad idea, but I just hope it can be fleshed out properly on her next full-length project.
listen here: Apple Music Spotify Bandcamp (not available) SoundCloud YouTube ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Vultures 1 - Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign
◇ genres: pop rap, trap, alternative r&b
It feels pointless to dive into Kanye's weird, antisemitic antics over the last year or so. He obviously doesn't care and his ardent supporters don't either. "Separate the art from the artist!" they cry meanwhile said artist is making light of his antics in the art itself. Thus making it impossible to separate it from him. So that begs the question ... why do people still cling to him? Does the man who just a few months ago uttered the phrase "Jesus Christ, Hitler, Ye — third party, sponsor that" still make good music? Maybe if the beats go hard enough you can forgive and forget as he boasts about still being "the king" despite his vile antics? Unfortunately for the Kanye fans, this might be his worst album to date. No longer can they use the shield of "but he still makes good music!" I've tried to write about how I feel about this album over and over again, but it's so frustrating. Pretty much every song has a fair amount of bullshit thrown in which makes the whole thing unenjoyable. "Stars" is a decent opener until Kanye says "Keep a few Jews on the staff now" as if it somehow absolves him of his past remarks. "Keys to My Life" has a cool beat, but Kanye's verses are some of the weakest of his career. "Talking" probably has the least amount of bullshit and it can be a bit touching at times. "Back to Me" ranks among the worst things Kanye's ever touched. Everything about it irritates me, I don't even enjoy the Freddie Gibbs feature. The same can be said about "Hoodrat." "Do It" isn't offensively bad, but it bores me to tears. "Burn" is just pathetic as Kanye tries to get a quick nostalgia pop because the beat and his flow are sort of reminiscent of The College Dropout era, y'know when he made good music. "Fuk Sumn" and "Carnival" are the most enjoyable tracks here, but I can't see myself ever really going back to them. The title track isn't good and is proof Kanye has lost pretty much all of his sauce. The last two tracks, "Problematic" and "King," are embarrassing. The former where Kanye refers to his current wife as a "reference" to his ex-wife Kim Kardashian and the latter where he says he's "still the king!" despite people rightfully calling out his behavior. These over-the-top egotistical bars would at least be a little bit forgivable if the songs were any good, but they aren't. I almost forgot to mention this is a collab with Ty Dolla $ign and while he has some decent moments (his verse on "Talking" is a genuine highlight), as he says on the track "Paid," he's "just here to get paid." Vultures 1 has to be one of the worst albums by an artist of Kanye West's standing. Someone responsible for making some of the most influential music of the last two decades having a fall from grace this hard and fast would be sad if he weren't such a massive piece of shit. My apologies for going in on this album, but if you know me you will know that I used to be a massive fan of this man's music. I own like half of his discography on vinyl and I stuck with him through so much bullshit. I'm catching up on my Kanye hate after many years of being a delusional dickrider of his. He's making it easy too, not just with his antisemitism, but with this bad record too.
listen here: don't, listen to something good instead ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Slut Pop Miami - Kim Petras
◇ genres: dance-pop, house, electropop
I really am rooting for Kim Petras. I thought she was making some cool stuff near the end of the 2010s, but I just haven't been able to get into anything she's dropped lately. Especially these Slut Pop projects. It was already uncomfortable how often Petras collaborated with alleged sexual abuser Dr. Luke, but releasing a bunch of hypersexual bangers produced by him is just very uncomfortable and tone deaf on many different levels.
listen here: don't, listen to Club Shy for ur house and dance-pop fix this month ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading <3
#month in review#music#2024#rateyourmusic#music review#brittany howard#quadeca#friko#helado negro#chelsea wolfe#kali malone#the last dinner party#mgmt#erika de casier#adriaan de roover#shygirl#asian glow#yeat#idles#little simz#kim petras
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Igniting The Spark → Blackpink 5th Member
Synopsis: As she navigates life in the aftermath of heartbreak, she finds herself drawn into the arms of a friend who is irresistibly tempting.
Wc: 1.2k
January 2020
Six months had passed since Mirae's breakup with Hanbin, and though she wished she could say she had moved on, the reality was different. She still missed him deeply, often finding herself lost in thoughts about what he was doing now. It hurt that no one mentioned him, and she hadn’t heard any updates about his life. The silence was a constant ache.
Returning home from tour was especially tough. Everything was just as she had left it—his clothes still hanging in the closet, his scent faintly lingering on some items. The small notes he used to write her were still tucked away in drawers, catching her off guard every time she opened them. Each reminder was a fresh wave of pain, making it hard to let go.
But as the weeks went by, Mirae knew she had to move on. She began removing items that reminded her of him. Each thing she packed away or threw out felt like a small step toward closure, a way of saying goodbye to their shared memories. It wasn’t easy, but with each piece of the past she let go, she felt a little lighter and a step closer to healing.
To distract herself from the lingering heartache, Mirae threw herself into social activities. She started spending more time with friends, hitting up parties, and diving into the nightlife. It was liberating. For the first time in a long while, she allowed herself to flirt with strangers and enjoy new company. She was more social than she had ever been, surprising even herself.
Although hookup culture wasn’t really her thing, she enjoyed the freedom of being single. It was fun on her own terms, and for the first time in months, it felt like she was in control of her happiness. Her friends, initially shocked by this new side of her, were soon cheering her on. They knew how hard the breakup had been and were thrilled to see her genuinely happy again.
It was at one of these parties that Mirae ran into Song Kang, an old friend from a past project. They had lost touch over the years, but their reunion felt different, almost like something was pulling them together.
Mirae had always seen Kang as just a friend, but that night, something shifted. He looked incredible in all black, towering over most people at the club. When she saw him, her heart fluttered, and she couldn’t help but blush. She never expected to be attracted to him, but the longer the night went on, the stronger the spark between them became.
As the drinks flowed and the music played, they danced closer, the atmosphere charged with tension. Kang was so different from her usual type, and perhaps that’s what made him so appealing. The way he towered over her and whispered in her ear sent shivers down her spine. By the end of the night, Mirae found herself falling for him in a way she had never anticipated.
While they danced to the sensual rhythm, their bodies moving in perfect sync, Kang leaned in close, his breath warm against her ear. “I don’t want this night to end,” he whispered.
Mirae’s heart raced at his words. She tilted her head up, catching his gaze, and softly replied, “Come with me to my house?” Her voice was teasing, and she batted her eyelashes playfully.
Kang didn’t hesitate. With a nod and a smile, he booked a cab. As they walked out into the cool night air, he draped his jacket over her shoulders to keep her warm. It was a small gesture that made her heart melt as they left the party, knowing the night was far from over.
On the way to Mirae’s house, the night air was filled with lighthearted laughter and updates about their lives. The conversation was easy, but there was something more beneath the surface.
Once they settled on her couch, Mirae noticed how close Kang sat to her, his hand brushing her bare thigh. The innocent touch sent a rush through her, and as they talked, the space between them seemed to shrink. The air grew thick with unspoken tension as Mirae subtly shifted her body toward him, their faces now inches apart.
Kang was the first to close the gap, his hand gently cradling her face as he leaned in, his eyes searching hers for a moment of silent permission. Without hesitation, Mirae leaned into him, allowing the kiss to unfold. Their lips met softly at first before molding together, and a quiet sigh escaped her—a release of the anticipation that had been building all night.
Mirae had never thought she would hook up on the first day, but tonight felt different. The connection with Kang was intense, and she found herself not caring about the usual boundaries. She rationalized that they had known each other for years, making this moment feel like a natural progression rather than a spontaneous decision.
As their kiss deepened, Mirae’s confidence surged. She moved to straddle Kang, her fingers expertly working to unbutton his shirt. Just as she began, he gently grabbed her hands and pulled away slightly. “Are you sure?” he asked softly.
Mirae met his gaze, nodded, and with a small smile, leaned back in. That was all the reassurance Kang needed.
He shrugged off his shirt and, without breaking the kiss, slid his hands to her waist. In one smooth motion, he lifted her dress over her head, tossing it aside. Then, effortlessly, Kang picked her up, carrying her toward the bedroom. Mirae pointed to the door with a teasing smile, her heart racing as they made their way inside.
Their one night of fun led to several more. They enjoyed each other's company and the thrill of sneaking out of each other’s homes in the early hours of the morning, always careful to avoid the paparazzi. The secrecy only added to the intensity of their connection, and neither could deny how much they enjoyed being together.
Mirae and Kang had deep conversations about whether to take their relationship further. Kang was open to the idea, but Mirae was hesitant. She enjoyed their connection, but the thought of diving back into a relationship after her breakup left her uncertain.
She loved the freedom of being single—going out, having fun, and keeping things light with Kang. Still, he made her feel incredible, and there was comfort in their time together that was hard to ignore. For now, she wasn’t ready to give up the independence she had found.
Ultimately, they decided to keep things casual. They valued their connection and were content with occasional hookups, acknowledging the practicalities that prevented them from pursuing something more serious.
Then COVID-19 hit.
As the world came to a standstill, Mirae and Kang found themselves with more time together. What began as a series of casual encounters evolved into something deeper. The slower pace of the pandemic allowed them to explore their feelings beyond the physical attraction. They discovered they genuinely enjoyed each other’s company and were building an emotional connection.
Their days intertwined as they practically lived together, with Kang spending several days a week at Mirae’s home and vice versa. This closeness brought a new sense of warmth and affection. Mirae felt loved and cherished in unexpected ways.
Mirae wrestled with the decision of whether to move forward with Kang. Though she admired him and cherished their time together, she was afraid of potential heartbreak. Her past breakup with Hanbin had been painful, and the idea of risking her heart again was daunting.
She struggled with comparing Kang to Hanbin. Despite knowing they were different, her mind often revisited the past, making it hard to fully embrace a new relationship.
She knew she could never forget her first love, but she wished she could move on. Kang was wonderful, and as she considered giving him a chance, she knew deep down he wasn’t the one.
Despite her thoughts, Mirae continued seeing Kang. Most of their time together was spent between the sheets, watching movies, and trying new foods. She appreciated his care and the comfort he provided during the pandemic, but she felt conflicted. She was grateful for his presence but felt selfish for keeping him close while she wasn’t ready to fully commit.
As the world began to return to normal and Mirae returned to songwriting, she channeled her emotions into her work. The pandemic had intensified their connection, but she still felt a lingering ache for Hanbin.
Mirae valued the comfort and distraction Kang provided but understood that their relationship couldn’t progress. Though their chemistry was undeniable, she realized she needed to heal and couldn’t do that with him around. She recognized she was treating him as a rebound, and Kang deserved someone who could give him their all—something Mirae couldn’t offer at the moment.
The months with Kang were wonderful, but Mirae ultimately decided to end their relationship and embrace her single life. She realized that the partying and clubbing lifestyle wasn’t truly her; it was a phase driven by a desire for change. As her heart healed and she moved past Hanbin, she started to return to her true self.
She reengaged with songwriting and producing, rediscovering her passion. She also rekindled her hobbies, like reading and volunteering at local animal shelters, finding happiness and freedom in these activities.
Despite the end of their romantic relationship, Mirae and Kang remained friends. She felt guilty about the situation but was grateful for his understanding. They continued to stay in touch regularly, and Mirae was pleased to have him as a friend.
Kang had been a crucial part of Mirae’s journey, helping her realize that a first love is just that—a first love. Through their time together, she understood that she could be happy and in love with someone else. For that, she was grateful.
Song Kang was an incredible person, and Mirae valued the past few months with him. She learned that it’s possible to have meaningful connections with multiple people in life and that people come and go, leaving behind valuable life lessons.
She wasn’t sure what the future held, but for now, she was happily single and focused on herself.
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Hello to the handful of you who enjoy reading about my adventures. I need to do something besides work and doomscroll so I am attempting to visit all the museums in Balboa Park and making you all hear about it. Since I am driving into the city more, might as well get some visits in while I'm at it. Long post so I will hide the rest of it down below.
First up, kinda mentioned it before but home to the fun cannibalism exhibit:
Museum of Us (formerly known as the Museum of Man)
Anthropology museum! Had a bunch of fascinating exhibits I didn't even get through half of them. They had some replica mayan stelae, which as it turns out are from the 1915 Panama-California Exposition, which was held in Balboa Park and helped turn it into the jewel of San Diego that it is now. This updated exhibit on Mayan culture I thought was well done. In the intro they explained how they worked with Mayan consultants to ensure the exhibit was respectful and reflective of modern Mayan communities. Throughout there were excerpts of the Popol Wuj, one of the foundational sources of their mythology, which I thought was very cool. They also very much went into the impact of colonization on their communities.
My favorite exhibit of the ones I saw: Hostile Terrain 94. It was heavy, I almost cried to be honest. It explores the very deadly human impact of the 1994 "Prevention through Deterrence" US border policy. Which for my non-american followers was the purposeful choice to make official border ports of entry and their surroundings urban areas more difficult for undocumented migrants to cross, leaving them with limited options, such as crossing the barren Sonoran desert instead. The map you see above is the Arizona, USA and Sonora, Mexico border. Those tags you see all over the map are identification tags for all the bodies found of migrants attempting to make the journey. 3,205 from the 1990s through 2020 alone. Manila are identified, orange are unidentified remains.
My parents immigrated from Mexico, as did many of my tias and tios. They were all undocumented for a time. Luckily for them, they all crossed pre-1994 with few difficulties. So I couldn't help it think, that could've been them if things turned out differently. Reading through the tags, seeing how young some were, a woman 19 years old, barely even had a chance to live. And the unidentified remains. How many families are out there still searching for answers? The border isn't just a political talking point. Congress' inability to move on immigration reform is a disgrace when there is so much human suffering occurring at the border and the routes to it.
San Diego Natural History Museum
Moving on to lighter subjects. Dinosaurs and fossils! This place is huge, 4 floors of some amazing exhibits. Again did not even fully finish one floor. Really enjoyed the ecosystems corner that explained the very diverse habits that exist around here. Not to brag but beaches, mountains, deserts, chaparral we got it all.
Look at the ankylosaur and mammoth skeleton. Neat! And below the California Grizzly Bear. It's the one our state flag and also the one we very sadly hunted to extinction in 1922.
One last one because this is getting long.
Museum of Photographic Arts (part of the San Diego Museum of Art)
Apparitions, Bill Armstrong, 2005
They had some very interesting photos here! I had to document this one for you all. No, I was not out of focus, that is what the photos look like. And the subjects are described only as "roman sculptures". So are some of our guys hiding up there? One of them is looking awfully caesar-y to me.
They also have a collection of daguerreotype, ambrotype, and tintypes. Which I had no idea were different things. So fascinating to look at. Did these people imagine we'd still be looking at their photos almost 200 years later?
I've knocked two more museums off the list this week, so another post coming soon. Hope you actually enjoyed this very long post :)
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How tiktok is the reason i got into theatre except its not at all how you think it is
Okay tik tok. Tiktok right? Right. So tiktok shoed me this clip of toggos woozle goozle in like,,, what? 2017? And i literally just wanted to find that one episode bc i was really interested in that topic they were explaining (i dont even remember it anymore lmao) (yes i know this is the worst tiktok thing to fall for. Yes it still happened.) sonthere i was. No clue what episode it was. So naturally i skip through all of them to find the right one yes? I found myself get really invested in woozle goozle and even when i found the episode i kept watching cthrough that shit. NOW this is were i first hear about starlight starlight express. I have been to theatre and musicals before obviously and i liked it but i never really cared about it too much. But starlight express? Staight express was different. Starlight express just had smt of home to it. So for months on months i just yearned for this fucking show, buyed the soundtrack (i didnt know english at the time but i accidentally bought it in english so i bought it twice lmao), i tried finding bootlegs (but this stage is barely possible to get a bootleg), i buyed merch, i read all about it online. Then christmas came and WHAT?! I GET TO GO TO STARLIGHT EXPRESS?! OMFG?! So on april 18th the following year (yes i remember the date fuck u) i got to see the newest adaptation in bochum. I have never felt such chills in my entire life (and i gotta say i don’t think that i’m gonna, anytime soon). And so i first started obsessing with a musical. Now two years went by, i saw the lion king in london and loved it but tbh i didn’t obsess over it even near the amount i obsess over other stuff. Mind you it is now 2019 and i have adhd. I have never had a hyper fixation last this long. This is when i start to understand the world a bit more. I realise gay people…. Exist? I mean obv i knew they exist but where i was it was smt rly rly special and i never even considered it tbh. I search up what lgbtq+ means and my suggestions are now not only starlight express anymore but also gay shit (lmao who would’ve thought this is how i turn out) and algorithm was algorithm-ing and gave me: ✨Bi Electra✨. Now this is when i first even saw other sides/perspectives to the whole show (and generally, the concept of fandom) and i re-obsessed over this thing that i never even un-obsessed with(?). I got into some more musicals, saw sone bootlegs ykyk. Beetlejuice had a local production and i alsi went to see sister act, little shop if horrors and frozen on ice (this was the girst one i saw in English). 2020 came and with it: covid. I got into other fandoms thinking i cant go see musicals anyway. I have given up to find movies of musicals and i had no idea the bootlegs were a thing. I only ever tried to find snt that i know now is called a bootleg for stex and i didnt find anyghing so naturaly i never tried again lmao. With other fandoms coming along, i started to leave starlight express behind. And so tiktok cames back into play. Dream smp. I had no fucking clue what these people that i kept getting on my fy were. It took me a really depressing gnf fanart to finally give in and get into that fandom that pushed everything else of my for you page. That’s when maria Reynolds walked into my life (sorry i had to say this). You probably know how the whole L’Manberg arc started with hamilton being watchable. So i not only got into the dream smp (and let me tell you i was down bad for the dsmp) but even more into Hamilton. It was only about a year ago i started realising i was gay and then this actress is introduced to me and she is so fucking hot and i thought i was envying her but it turns out it was just me being really fucking gay-. I started translating it and you know the rest. Well basically what happened then was me realising that i love musicals. Ive seen a lot of musicals but that never really,,, conected(?) in my brain… ig. And there is went obsessing over musicals as a whole. I knew english at this point btw. In 2022 our local theatre opened again because it was mainly outdors so yeah yk.
I was falling into a major depression at the time shutting myself off since quarantine yk. So my mom forced me out of my room. And suprise suprise it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Little shop of horrors opened again wooo. Anyway so i tried to find more and more musicals also on tiktok and i saw newsies. I was avoiding it for a good three months but i don’t remember why and i know love it more than myself lmao. Anyway uk’sies became a thing and so newsies started trending and it was watched a lot more and so it showed up on my disney+. I went “oh fuck it let’s give it a try” and have never been the same lol.
Yeah and you know the rest.
So yes. When i say that the dream smp connects to newsies for me, that’s not a joke.
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Some days ago you wrote a post saying that you were writing something using elder scrolls lore? I think? What's that about? Are you writing some au? I'm a bit lost on your most recent fanfics (I'm waiting until I have some free time so I can give nexus a try, I'm just a bit intimidated cause I know next to nothing about DC) but I love reading about your ideas and characters, they all sound so genuinely interesting and we'll writen.
Ohhhh yes, okay so!
Wayyyyyyyy back in the day, there were a bunch of Riddler ask/art/rp blogs, that all portrayed their respective Riddler in very different ways. Some were based on official material (YJ is from the 2011 Young Justice animated series, Arkham from the Arkham City video game, Detective was originally based off the 1992 Batman: the Animated Series, but became highly altered as their storyline continued) some, like Narci, Puzzles, and Nash, were original takes on the character. Swag stared out as a parody that became a solid character as time passed. All of these interacted with each other, and developed into a found family.
Helix (My OC) came along a little later, and began interacting with them. None of us really expected how inextricably involved she was going to become, since she's much more of a high fantasy character, than a DC character, but it all happened pretty organically, and was a lot of fun.
Back then, I started a bunch of creative projects I wanted to share with the writers of these blogs, but I had just ended my relationship with my ex-fiancee, moved back in with my parents, and was working in a pretty toxic environment, and it just slaughtered my creative output. If I were to point you to my old blog, which I shan't, you would see that I drew maybe five or six things in as many years, when previously, I had drawn almost every day.
All of those blogs eventually went silent, the last interaction being between Helix and Narci. Since then, some of them have even been deleted entirely. I forgot about the things I was going to do, and they lay ignored for years. Then I stumbled across my old harddrive, where all these ideas still existed, barely sketched out, partially begun, and it all flooded back. Yeah, those blogs are done, some of the writers have disappeared, it's all over. But those stories are still there, and so am I.
I am in a much better place than I was. I have some writing practice under my belt, and, most importantly, I have inspiration again. I can make the art I always wanted to. I can write the stories I always wanted to. I can finish what I wanted to start.
That all being said, One of the things I started a long time ago, was an elder scrolls crossover. I had also started playing Skyrim at around that time, and it was an idle idea that I thought would be fun. When I found that harddrive, the first chapter had been partially written out, and I ended up taking the ideas there, and going in a different direction with them. I now have an over thirty chapter, ongoing story involving Helix and Swag stumbling their way through Cyrodiil, told entirely through Swag's POV. I've been posting it on my main/RP blog rather than here, because I felt that Helix and Swag's relationship hadn't been well enough expressed in the Nexusverse yet. Almost all of the Nexus stories so far take place in 2011-2013, and this crossover story takes place in 2020, so there's a lot in between that I haven't gone into yet, you know?
But considering that I've been posting some of the later Nexus stories out of chronological order, I might just start posting it anyway. I think it's kinda obvious by now how some of Helix's relationships pan out, so it might be okay. What do you think?
Also, you are very sweet, and I'm glad I've been able to express some of my ideas in a way that others can enjoy them with me. I will warn you, the stories that are from Helix's POV can be a bit challenging to follow; she doesn't experience reality in the same way as most people, which I've expressed with synesthesia and the repetition of consonants, syllables, and vowel sounds in a freeform poem/prose manner. If you do start the Nexus stories at their beginning, you'll see why.
Don't be too intimidated though; most Nexus stories are only 1-2000 words, with the exception of Orbital Unresonanace, which is, admittedly, a chonker. But you've been reading Lasa, so I know you can handle unreasonably large stories.
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