#i ate at like 530

[heart-bones]

I can't believe it but I spent all day in bed after writing until 3 last night 🙃

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | seven.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, smut

—word count: 5.3k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, girlies we are lying straight through our teeth.. 😭, we also got door code privilege so we can talk to professor choi about neuroscience papers in private more often!! 😙, making out, a shower together ouweeee, blowjob, handjob, swallowing his cum, more cute affectionate moments, watching a movie together and being domestic af basicallllly

—a/n: i just wanna say tysm for being down bad for prof choi as much as i am <33 ily!! there will be a 7.5! & tsbut!yunho will make his debut soon.. 👀

—FLASHBACK

The walk back to your building isn't that bad, especially when most people aren't quite up and about just yet. San drops you off in the same residential area, watching through his rearview mirror as you make the trek back. When he sees you enter through the side door, he pulls off and drives around to the usual garage he parks at for the day.

You make it back to your studio unnoticed, slipping in with ease and heading straight to the shower to get ready for your day. The events from last night replay over and over again in your head and you can't help but smile to yourself knowing how well San took care of you.

You long for him.

After a good, long shower to soothe your body, you try your best to go about your morning as normal as possible. You quickly dry your hair and dab on some blush, mascara, brow gel, and lip gloss— keeping it light before throwing on some baggy straight jeans, an oversized crewneck and a pair of 530 New Balances. The moment you slide your laptop into your bag, Felix comes knocking on your door.

"Morning sunshine!" He smiles. "What time did you get back from lab last night?"

"Not too late. Sunwoo dropped me off before heading to his place." You give him a toothless smile, hoping he'd buy it. And he does.

"Oh, cool. Glad it didn't seem too bad and that he was there to accompany you." You sling the strap of your back over your shoulder, swinging your door shut before locking it. You follow Felix down the hall and head down to the dining hall to grab breakfast; except, you aren't hungry.

"Eunchae and Jurin are still asleep, huh?" You nod.

"Yeah, they won't get up for breakfast anyway." You laugh, knowing the two will probably get up right before class, giving themselves enough time to grab coffee on the way over at one of the cafes. 

"Yeah, Jiung is fucking knocked out." You giggle. "Anyway, wonder what special they have for breakfast today."

"I'm actually not hungry."

"Not hungry? For breakfast?" Felix looks at you weirdly. "Since when? It's your favorite meal of the day."

"I dunno, I'm still full from last night. I ate pretty late." Felix shrugs.

"Well okay, then. I'm just gonna grab something real quick and eat it on the go."

"No, we can stay and eat. I'll probably just grab some fruit." Felix looks at you with a brow cocked up, watching as you fiddle with the strap of your bag.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He presses his hand to your forehead gently. "You're not feeling sick, are you?"

"No." You look at him with a small, reassuring smile. "I promise."

"Okay then." He shrugs, no longer questioning you about your appetite this morning even though the tiny change in mannerism is enough to have Felix wondering what's been going on with you. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe you are just overwhelmed like Jiung says. 

He won't ask, though. He'll let you come to him if you need him. 

At least, you look happy. There's a certain glow to you that he can't pinpoint.

—END

"School is awful." Jurin puts her head down to rest her eyes for a second. "I feel like I'm a robot, moving nonstop."

"Tell me about it." Felix yawns. "I have to TA in a few." Felix looks at his watch and hums. "Hm, I'll leave in like.. 5 minutes."

"You know, I actually enjoy TAing!" Eunchae pops a grape into her mouth.

"Honestly, I do too. It's pretty fun." You chime in, taking one of her grapes.

"Same, especially when the class knows how to interact. Otherwise, I kinda just stand there and look dumb." Jiung snorts. At this moment, your phone dings from an email. You furrow your brows when you notice it's coming in from the department, stating that your TA hours were gonna be split with Jeong Yunho's class.

To: yn@atz.edu From: bioeng@atz.edu Hi Y/N, Hope this email finds you well! I'm emailing you to let you know there's been a change with your TA assignment. Half of your hours will be split between Professor Hsieh and Professor Jeong, effective immediately. Professor Jeong's TA needed to take leave for a family emergency and will not be returning for the remainder of the quarter. He should be emailing you soon to discuss a little further, but please feel free to reach out in the meantime if you have any questions or need any clarification. Thank you, Erika

"What's wrong?" Jiung looks at you as you read through the email.

"Uh. Speaking of TAing, I just got an email saying some of my hours are going to Professor Jeong's class. His TA needed to take leave for the rest of the quarter cause of a family emergency."

"Oh, damn. Hope they're okay." Jurin says. "Isn't that cool to be helping him now too, though?"

"Yeah, I guess." You lie because no, it's not. You'll obviously keep it civil and do what you need to do. But at the same time, you don't respect him the same way you used to. You don't care if you're biased over San— you just don't do that to people you claim to love. "It'll be interesting." There's a slight pause in conversation until Felix chimes in again.

"It'll be fun, I'm sure you'll learn new things from him just like you're doing with Professor Hsieh and Professor Choi." Your heart skips a beat thinking about San, and you realize you really need to keep yourself under wraps better before you slip up and start smiling like a fucking idiot around your friends.

And knowing them, they'd never leave it alone if you give them even the slightest hint of something going on.

"Mhm." Is all you manage to say.

"What're you guys doing this weekend?" Jiung squints at all of you. "Should we head out if you're all here?"

"I think I'm gonna be gone on Sunday during the day, but I'll be back later that evening." Jurin says.

"I'm gonna head home tonight and just hang out with my mom for the weekend." You poke at your salad before forking it and taking it a bite. You also avoid eye contact because it's a lie, and you won't be seeing your mom. You'll be at San's.

"Okay, so we aren't hanging out this weekend." Jiung snorts.

"Yeah, I think my cousin is gonna come down to visit and sleep over." Eunchae says. "We'll probably go out and head around."

"Just us boys again! We should throw a little kick-it at the apartment and keep it lowkey." Jiung adds, with Felix nodding. "Eunchae, you can bring your cousin if you guys aren't too tired." 

"Yeah! We'll swing by if we have the energy." She turns to you. "What're you gonna be doing with your mom?"

"Just hanging out, relaxing." Jiung nods.

"Nice you're spending more time with your mom." You give him a toothless smile and quietly nod.

"Alright, I gotta head out. I might even be a little late." Felix laughs. "See ya'll for dinner later? Y/N if I don't see you before you go, please drive home safely and enjoy your weekend with your mom!"

"Thank you, Lix." You smile and tuck your things into your bag. "I should probably go too, actually. I should wrap things up sooner than later." Jurin, Eunchae and Jiung begin to pack their own things as well, waving their goodbyes as you all split to different ways; some going back to lab, to class, some going to the library to finish some assignments before the weekend rolls around so they don't have to worry about it.

You walk to the Harvey Center with a slight pout, unsure of how to feel being thrown into Yunho's class. Truthfully, it could be worse. You don't know what you'd do if you somehow had to work alongside of Iseul. You're still praying and hoping you don't ever have to collaborate with her, and this is probably all sorts of fucked up because it's based on your feelings for San. You can agree that they are both great professors— their work and contributions are widely known. You don't doubt that you'd learn something new from them. However, you just can't get past the idea that they did what they did to San. You can never fathom betrayal like that.

You sigh.

You can't wait to tell San about this.

As promised, Yunho emails you and asks if he can set up a time to talk and catch you up on everything that's been happening in class so far. He asks if he can see you before the day ends so that you're good to go by the time next week comes.

To: yn@atz.edu From: jeongyh@atz.edu Hi Y/N, I think you might've received the email from Erika already about the change in your TA hours. Thank you in advance for your help, and I'm excited to have you onboard! Do you have some time before end of the day to quickly meet and go over the course? I can bring you up to date on where we're at. I'm on the east wing of the Harvey Center, room E122. Let me know what's good for you and I'll carve out the time. Thanks! Yunho

"You look unhappy." Sunwoo says as he plops down in the empty chair next to your desk, watching as you stare at the email through your laptop. "What's wrong?" You snap out of it and chuckle.

"Nothing." You pause. "Well actually, I'm short on time today so I might not get much done. I'll come in over the weekend if needed."

"Dude, it's fine. Take your weekends." He chuckles. "Why, though? Is everything okay?"

"Mhm. My TA hours are just getting rearranged."

"Oh, more or less?"

"Hm. I'm cutting down on Professor Hsieh's since she has two other TAs, and those hours will go to Professor Jeong instead."

"Oh, cool. That'll be a fun class! I've heard good things about it."

"Yeaaaah. I have to go meet him before the end of the day." You start typing your response to Yunho, letting him know 4:30pm was the best time for you— that way, you still have time to get through some of your work before heading out. Coincidentally, at this point, San walks into the office area, along with three other people. They're conversing in good spirits, and they make a turn towards your direction to head to the small conference room situated near your desk.

"Yo, what's up Professor Choi!" Sunwoo nods.

"Hey Sunwoo." He smiles at him before looking at you. "Y/N." He subtly licks his lips and smirks, returning his attention back to the group as if it never left. You almost forget about Yunho entirely.

He'll be the death of you.

"I'm going to work on some data analysis before I see him. I don't think I'll have time to slice and image today." Sunwoo shrugs.

"All good. We have time next week in between surgeries."

"Don't remind me." You smile at him playfully.

"Assuming you'll listen and take my advice about not coming in on the weekends unless absolutely necessary, what do you have planned?" 

"Mm, just hang out with my mom. What about you?"

"One of my good friends is visiting so I'll be taking him around and letting him sleep on my couch." You snort.

"Sounds fun." 

"Alright, I'm gonna finish some imaging from the slicing we did earlier in the week." You nod and wave. "Have fun at your meeting with Professor Jeong, and have a good weekend!"

"You too, Sunwoo." You give him a toothless smile before returning your attention to the data on your laptop. You spend a good few minutes typing out your analysis, only turning when you hear San's voice as he passes by. He gives you a small, tiny smile before returning his attention to the group, walking out of the basement to who knows where. 

You continue to keep your head down, bouncing between small assignments and your data analysis up until the very end. When 4:20pm hits, you quickly pack up your things and head out, giving the basement one last look. San hasn't returned after leaving with the group, so you assume he's busy for the rest of the afternoon until he heads home. You let out a small sigh, power walking over to the east side of the building. You tap your badge and hold your breath, hoping the badge reader will turn green and pop the door open; which, to your luck, it does. You follow the room numbers until the end, finding Yunho's office in the corner towards the back end of the first floor. You press your ear to the door, making sure there isn't an ongoing meeting before you knock. Once it's clear, you give his door a good, hard three knocks, not even having to wait for Yunho to respond with a 'come in!' 

"Hey!" Yunho smiles at you as you walk in, and you give him a simple, toothless smile. "Nice to see you again!" He's standing, just about to slip a book back onto the shelf next to him.

"Hi Professor Jeong. It's nice to see you again, too."

"Please, take a seat. I'm just kinda fiddling through books right now."

"Are you working on something in particular?" You gently set your bag down and watch as he grabs another book off of the shelf and sets it down on his desk. The book has different images of the mouse brain— the anatomy, from different angles.

"Ah, I'm just trying to make sense of some images, that's all." He smiles again at you. There's no denying that Yunho is also very attractive. He's charming in his own way, very witty and outgoing. You see him bouncing around campus pretty often, with or without Iseul in tow.

"I see."

"How's your day been?"

"It's been alright. Had two classes before I finished up work in San's—" You pause. "Professor Choi's lab."

"That's right, you're rotating in his lab this quarter?"

"Mhm." 

"How's it been?"

"Amazing." You tilt your head and he nods.

"That's good. He's a good guy. If it's anybody you'll learn the most from, it's him."

"Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly." You chuckle to play it off a bit. "So.. I'm sorry to hear about your TA. I hope things are alright with them."

"Hope so, too. I'm just glad they're taking the time they need." He pulls out a copy of his syllabus and slides it over. "You're probably familiar with the format since Professor Hsieh follows a similar one. I usually do about 4 lectures and take care of finals at the end. I've got about three other professors doing guest lectures, and one of our postdocs handles the hands-on lab portion and some other classes." You skim the document. "My TAs usually handle journal club-led discussions. I'll pop in for a few if I can, but I let my TAs have the floor." You nod.

"Oh yeah, this is similar to Professor Hsieh's class. Shouldn't be too bad." You continue to flip through the syllabus.

"No. It shouldn't be." He chuckles. "I may need you to assist with one of my lectures and labs, too."

"Okay, no problem."

"I'll send you the journal club papers and add you to our discussion board. They'll submit assignments and post any questions there, and we can upload lecture or reading material there as well. You can set up office hours for however you'd like, whatever works easiest for you. Just let me know what day you decide to do it."

"Sounds good." You look at him, and he looks at you. You can see the way his brow subtly cocks up before he lets out a small laugh. He's probably unsure why it feels a little tense when trust, you're trying your hardest to not let it slip.

"Any questions? Feeling overwhelmed?"

"No, I'm—" The door suddenly swings open and it's Iseul. Her eyes land on you for a quick second before she diverts her attention back to her husband and apologizes for interrupting. "I'm good, I think we're all set here." You stand and grab your bag. "Thanks, Professor Jeong. I'll see you next week?" He nods. 

"Alright, well feel free to reach out if anything comes up. Have a great weekend, Y/N."

"You too." You give him a short and curt bow before slipping past Iseul. You feel her eyes on you as you pass by, up until the very moment you slip out the door.

And finally, it feels like you can breathe.

"Is that your new TA?" 

"Y/N, yes." He stands to give her a hug and kiss on the top of the head. 

"She looks familiar."

"Well, she's in the bioengineering department and has rotated in Christopher's lab. She's in San's now."

"Hm." She hums. "Interesting." There's something about you that rubs her the wrong way and she's quick to trust her gut. It's not that she doesn't trust you around Yunho, no. But, she doesn't know you and something already feels weird.

"So, hungry? Where should we go for dinner?" He sits back down while Iseul leans against his cabinet behind him, scrolling through her phone.

"I'm feeling sushi tonight."

"That sounds good. Let me finish this up real quick and I'll get you out of here, okay?" He squeezes her hip before returning his attention back to the images on his screen.

After you meet with Yunho, you walk back straight to your studio to pack up for the weekend. You wash up and grab a few things, changing into comfier clothes per usual. When you leave, you shoot San a quick text, waving goodbye to a few friends you run into on your way out.

you: i'm about to head to your house!

san: sorry baby, just wrapping things up but i'll be there ASAP. feel free to get comfy and do whatever you need to do. code to the door is 9583.

you: waoow i have door code access now 🤭

san: lol you sure do, pretty girl. i'll see you soon, okay?

you: mmkay, hurry ☹️

San smiles to himself as he sets the phone down and powers through a few more tasks. When you get to San's house, you park off to the curb and head straight inside, hoping to avoid any confrontation with neighbors at this moment. You slip in and step out of your shoes, sighing a sigh of relief when you've made it safely. You head upstairs to drop your things, noticing San's bed fixed nicely. Rings spread across the drawer, cologne lightly lingering in the air. 

You can't wait for him to get home.

You head back downstairs and turn on the tv for background noise, lighting up a candle on the island. You take a few moments to snack on some fruits before you [slowly] start prepping ingredients for dinner, scrolling through Instagram and getting lost in the social media rabbit hole. You lazily walk over to San's fridge and quickly skim the shelves to see if there's any ideas that'll pop up for dinner. He's got just enough groceries, but nothing too overwhelming. You walk over to the pantry, also taking your time to skim the shelves. The TV is unexpectedly playing a show on unsolved mysteries, which distracts you to a great extent as you hang out beneath the door frame of the pantry.

"Hm." You pull up random recipes in between glancing at the tv. It isn't long before you hear the garage door open, the soft, muffled audio creeping through the walls. San walks in shortly afterwards, airpod in one ear while taking a meeting on Zoom through his phone. 

"Yeah, I know. I agree. Maybe they should work on it together and try a different approach? Have you asked Russ to try some computational analysis on their data?" Is all you hear him say as he walks into the kitchen with a smile on his face seeing you there. You reciprocate the smile and wrap your arms around his neck, waiting for the right moment to kiss him and welcome him home. "Mhm." He says before muting himself. "Hi baby."

"Hi." You tippy-toe to kiss him, allowing San to deepen the kiss despite his Zoom call still going on in the background. "San." You giggle in between, pointing at his phone.

"They don't need me right now." He chases after your lips, hands sliding from the small of your back down to your ass and giving it a good squeeze. You squeal, indulging in a few more seconds of kissing San— fingers tangled in the ends of his hair, gently biting onto his bottom lip and causing him to hiss in response just as you pull away.

"Go finish up your meeting."

"Tease." He mouths out before unmuting himself. "Yeah, I'm here. I hear you." He keeps his eyes on you with a small smirk. He points upstairs, mouthing out a quick 'i'll be in my office.' You nod, giving him one last peck on the lips before he disappears up the steps. You rummage through his fridge to grab those mushrooms, bokchoy, and tofu he had sitting around to whip up a quick udon stir fry. Before chopping up your ingredients, you let the udon sit in a hot water bath while you pop in some shrimp tempura you found in his freezer in the air fryer. Once the noodles are ready, you toss them in as you fry the vegetables, along with your wet ingredients— whipping everything up in a matter of 25 mins. 

After his meeting, San quickly finishes some emails and follows up on a few pending items before calling it a day. He's trying to balance his time better now that you're around because the last thing he wants to do is make the same mistake again of unintentionally pushing someone he cares about away. And it's a little scarier this time, a little different, because San feels himself falling deep [and fast] for you. He doesn't wanna run you off or scare you in any way, and he surely doesn't want a repetition of his last, but he truly cares about you and wants this to work no matter how tough it might be.

He just wants you.

He sighs when the thoughts flood his head, locking his computer and setting his things aside. Since he hears you whipping up dinner, he heads to the room to change and quickly shower. He tosses his clothes into the laundry and steps in, leaving the bathroom door cracked open. When you head up the stairs after making dinner, you find San drenched underneath the piping hot water. Steam is rising out of the shower and into its surroundings, fogging up the mirrors. You watch for a few moments through his bathroom mirror— catching 'lil peeks and admiring his pretty, honey-dipped skin, wet black hair. You find the sudden urge to join him, to just be with him, and before you can even think twice, your feet are already taking you to San. You tread over in front of the shower door, San curiously looking at you with a small smile on his face. His eyes are glued to you while he watches you strip down in front of him, beautifully bare and raw. He pops the door open for you to step in, hands instantly coming to your waist to pull you flush against him.

"Wasn't expecting you to join."

"Thought we could save some water."

"Yeah?" He laughs. "I'm not mad about it." You tippy-toe to peck him on the lips. He doesn't let you go, though. He deepens the kiss, tongues fighting for dominance slowly, sensually. His hands are roaming all over your body, giving your breasts a good squeeze. You moan, the need, desire, to please San becomes overwhelming. He lets out a small sigh when he feels your hand wrap around his hard cock, his breathy moan causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. Your lips press chaste kisses down the column of his neck, tongue swiping across the surface before you gently nibble. You're careful not to leave any marks, softly sucking on the base of his neck, collarbone; just enough to make him feel a way without having the proof littered on his skin.

"Fuck, princess." He chokes out. "Feels so damn good already." You pick up the pace as you continue to stroke him, slowly crouching down to come eye level with his member— kissing and sucking away at his angry, red tip to start it off. Your tongue swipes from the base upwards, pressing tiny kisses across the surface. "Don't be such a tease." He pouts as he watches from above. You smirk, taking half of him inside your mouth. You work your hand at the same time you bob up and down, pulling back with a pop. The string of saliva connecting your bottom lip to his tip drives him insane, his hand coming to the back of your head to slowly guide you down his length the next time you've stuffed your mouth full of him. "Doing so well, love. You can take all of me, yeah?" You nod. He feels you gag when he eases it all down your throat, causing San to groan a little louder— the tone echoing off the bathroom walls. He keeps his cock down your throat, determining on his own terms when he'll give you time to catch your breath, take a breather. When he pulls your head back, you look up at him with those doe-eyes. And it goes from one moment of sticking his cock back down your throat, to the next moment of you constantly bobbing your head; sucking him off so fucking well. 

"Aw—fuck—" San hisses before moaning loudly. "So fucking sexy, baby. Made just for me." He breathes out. "Fuck, fuck— gonna cum—" It takes that one last moment of taking him fully before San keeps your head there as he shoots his cum down your throat. When he's finished, you slowly pull back and wipe at your mouth, throat feeling all sorts of sore and battered but you could careless.

As long as you made San feel good, that's all you wanted.

"Okay, maybe we need to finish up in here."

"Do we have to?" San smirks, hands rubbing at your waist. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Just wanted to make you feel good, Sannie." The nickname rolls of your lips so naturally San feels his heart soar. It just feels like you were meant to say it, like you're the only person on this Earth that is deserving of so. San doesn't even realize he's still smiling down at you until you kiss him on the lips tenderly and finally taking the lead with getting washed up.

When you get back downstairs, San still can't keep his hands off of you. You sit on the edge of the counter while San washes a few of his containers from lunch. After he finishes, he slots himself in between your legs, admiring you from where he stands. You wrap your arms around his neck while his hands are resting on your thighs. He presses cute, repeated kisses along your chin and jaw, causing you to giggle.

"So, I forgot to tell you. I got an email from the department today about my TA assignment."

"Is everything okay?" 

"I think so."

"You think?"

"I, um." You look at San. "Some of my TA hours are going to Yunho. I had to meet with him really quickly earlier."

"Oh. That's cool, baby." You shake your head and he chuckles. "No?"

"No."

"Don't think about the things that happened. He's still a great professor and someone you'll learn a lot from." You scoff.

"Like what, how to be a bad, homewrecking bestfriend?"

"Baby." He smirks a bit and gently pokes your nose. "Don't do that."

"You're right, sorry." You roll your eyes playfully. "He is cool, I guess." He chuckles.

"Promise me you won't let your feelings get in the way, hm? Look at him as a professor, not from what you know about me." Truthfully, San is a little afraid that you'll be working closely with Yunho now. Not because he's insecure, no. But, working with Yunho meant there was a chance he'd learn more about you. And obviously San wouldn't hide your relationship if he didn't have to, for the sake of rules, policy, his lab, Namjoon even. The fear is stemming from his past, coming back to haunt him all over again. He doesn't trust either of them one bit.

"I should be looking at you as just a professor too, you know?" You tease.

"Oh yeah? Wonder what happened there."

"Kinda like you better like this, though." You giggle, allowing San to swoop you into his arms. You cling on, wrapping your legs and arms around him while he walks you to the couch and sits you on his lap. 

"Damn, so the whole professor charm didn't do much?"

"Kidding." You laugh.

"Your laugh is so cute." San says, looking up to you all smitten. He rubs at your sides, kissing you sweetly before he's back to just smiling at you.

"What, no?"

"Yeah."

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"You're just so beautiful, that's all." You smile. "Hm, so. What do you wanna watch? What do you wanna do this weekend since I have you all to myself?"

"Well, we can watch something cute? Because I've been watching this and it's making my mind work overtime with all the possibilities." You look back at the TV and San chuckles.

"I thought you liked stuff like that, baby."

"I do, but tonight, I just wanna relax."

"Fair enough. I'll watch whatever movie you wanna watch."

"Even if its A Walk to Remember or The Notebook?" He nods, bottom lip poking out.

"I don't mind."

"Wow, you're a little too perfect." He laughs.

"Far from it, actually." 

"And, I don't know. I'm down for whatever this weekend."

"I'll take you around some places away from here."

"Sounds good with me."

"Let's grab our dinner and watch a movie?" He kisses you once more before tapping you on the hip. "Thank you for making dinner, angel."

"Of course." You smile and hop off his lap. You fill your bowls with the udon stir fry and tempura you made, laughing and joking around mid-convo with San as you both walk back to the couch while he's telling you about his day. You pop on the classic Titanic, not really in the mood for anything else popping up on Netflix. San compliments you on dinner, smothering you in more kisses all over your face. You joke about how he didn't have much to work with, so maybe grocery shopping needed to go on your list for this weekend's festivities.

When you're done with dinner, San cleans up in the kitchen while you continue to watch away on the couch, answering to a few texts in between until San comes back to keep you company. Mid-movie, his phone dings, signaling a text coming through.

It's Jongho.

jongho: trying to play tennis this weekend? me and yeosang were thinking about going to the courts then hanging out at his house after. 

jongho: chris is gonna be busy with his sister this weekend so he's out 

jongho: and i asked mingi but i don't think he wants to play lol

san: sorry my guy! sounds fun but i'll be occupied with some things this weekend.

jongho: like what??

san: i'm just behind on a few things, needa wrap it up before the NAS conference.

jongho: hm ok, well the invite is there if things change!

san: thanks! have fun lol

And with that, San locks his phone and continues to watch the movie while your head is on his lap. He looks down at you and smiles a bit to himself, his hand coming down to thread through your hair and give you a gentle head massage. He feels a bit guilty for lying to Jongho, but at the same time, he doesn't.

He's content, he's happy.

Right now, things couldn't feel any more perfect and he'd be damned if he did anything to mess it up.

—read 7.5 here

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thespiffynerd @vixensss @santineez @nopension @domfikeluva @in-somnias-world

[iovestuck]

JUST AN IDOL ☆ 양정원

staring. centric!yang jungwon

wc. 530 | genre. fluff, soft, angst, etc. | warnings. being an idol, mention of hate comments, a lot of sadness, overworking, etc.

iovestuck's notes. inspired by monster covered by yang jungwon. It has been a while. I hope everyone is doing okay. I hope you take care of yourself. I wrote this within an hour or so. I hope you like it!

masterlist

SWEAT WAS PEEKING FROM the forehead to the chin. Dripping in slow motion, he took in a few deep breaths. Jungwon leaned against the cold mirror in the dark practice room. He was alone with only his thoughts and the music.

Staring at the wall in front of him before getting up from the cold floor and walking to the phone that was still recording from the dance he did minutes ago. Ending the recording, he walked to the laptop and paused the music.

Jungwon wiped off some of his sweat as he leaned against the table behind him and pressed play. He carefully watched his performance, making sure his movements were perfect and nothing was messed up.

He couldn't bear the fans' reaction when he messed up any part of the dance. He knew they would be disappointed like he would, too. After he watched the video, he turned around, put the phone on the table, and turned the music back on. Then he redid a few dance moves that he messed up from watching the video.

“Jungwon-ssi?” He quickly turned towards the door as he paused the music. One of the staff walked up to him. “Are you still practicing?” He nodded.

“Alright, take care, and don't stay up too long. You have an early morning schedule tomorrow.” The staff patted his shoulders before leaving the practice room. He bowed toward the staff as they left before turning back on the music. He looked at the time. 10:00 pm, it read. He decided to dance a bit more before changing and going on weverse to talk to his fans since it has been a while.

After practicing, he changed out of his sweaty clothes before heading to one of the rooms to do the live. Once he settled a bit, he turned on wevese. Greeted Engenes with a smile plastered on his lips despite the tiredness from practicing a lot. He talked about a bit of his day and answered some of the comments.

Jungwon noticed a few comments. Most of them were hate comments. He shook the thoughts away and continued talking to the fans before ending the live. Turning off everything, he looked through his phone before turning it off. He leaned against the chair. Closing his eyes before opening them within a couple of seconds, he got up from the chair and exited the room.

Getting a taxi before going back to the dorms. He entered the dorm and saw the two members' doors were closed. Probably sleeping by now. He carefully walked to his own room and before he could shut it. Jake came out of his room. “Did you came back?” He asked Jungwon.

“Yeah,” Jungwon answered.

“Have you eaten yet?”

“Not feeling hungry.”

“You should eat something, Jungwon.”

“It's already late. I already ate a snack.”

Which wasn't a lie. He ate something while talking to engenes. It wasn't a big meal or anything. Just something simple and sort of small. Jake nodded. “Alright, good night.” Jungwon nodded before shutting his door behind him. He dropped his bag on the floor and walked to his bed. Then he slowly fell asleep.

TAGLIST. @senascoooop ,

© 2024-2025 — all rights reserved to user iovestuck, please do not steal, plagiarise, or translate any of my works without prior permission from me !

[drmaddict]

Whenever you're ready

Summary: Silence spells only work, when the curtains are completely closed.

Word count: 530

Warnings: dom/sub relationship, mommy!kink, crying, use of (y/n)

A small paper bird landed on Remus' open book, unfolding as soon as it landed.

"This has been going on for over an hour now!" it said in James' handwriting.

Remus sighed and reached for his quill. "Let him have that little happiness. It's Christmas next week. You know how he hates that." He wrote on the parchment.

The ink faded and reappeared on Jaime's counterpart. "Besides, you don't have to act up. Like you and Lilly have never done it in this room before."

Promptly came the reply. "WE at least close the curtains RIGHT so no one can hear us." Remus glanced over at James' bed and saw him staring at him with an indignant expression. He had to hold on hard not to laugh.

It was a mystery to him how Peter could sleep through the whole spectacle, but hoped it would stay that way.

He turned back to the parchment and wrote. "If you interrupt them now, it will be insanely embarrassing for (y/n) and we might even ruin it for Padfoot then. He really likes her man. Ears closed and through." He saw James sigh quietly, but slump his shoulders in surrender.

Sirius and (y/n) had been together since the end of last year. She was quiet and seemed to ground him somewhat. He even ate greens since he knew her. She was truly one of a kind.

Remus was happy for him. It wasn't the first time anyone had sex behind closed curtains and under a silent spell in this room. Only, as James said, the curtains were otherwise completely closed, so the spell could work, but the blanket had parted the heavy red fabric a little, so they were listening to the sinphony of Sirius' moans. Remus could have guessed that the boy couldn't even keep his mouth shut while doing this. (Y/n) didn't make it easy for him either, though. For over an hour, she kept teasing him until he just whimpered, only to stop shortly befor he came.

Remus was about to turn to the next page when the wordless moaning was interrupted by one word.

"Mommy!" whimpered Sirius. James and Remus looked at each other abruptly. "Good boy." chimed (y/n)'s sighed retort. "Please." "Please what?" An exhilarated giggle was heard. "Words Siri." "Please let me come. Please. Please. Please. Mommy. Please. I was good. I'm a good boy. Please. Mommy. Mommy." "Shhh. Such a good boy to ask so sweetly. You may, whenever you're ready."

It wasn't even 10 seconds before there was an almost pathetic whimper, punctuated by rapid breathing. "Good. Come here." A sob was heard. "It's all right. I'm here. I'm holding you. Shhh. You were so good." "Thank you Mommy." There was only heavy breathing for a long time. 

"Am I your good boy?" whispered Sirius. "You're the best boy I could ask for." Even Remus feels comfortably warm at that soft voice.

Another sob. "I don't want to go there." "I know." "I want to stay with you." "Look at me... You can come whenever you're ready." "Mommy." "Yes. Mommy is always there for you, always loves you, flaws and all."

[zuzufri]

i came home late last night to chocolate chip cookies sitting on the counter like i'm damn santa claus or smth. i was hungry af bc i'm about to get my period and i work a rather physically demanding job and i last ate around 530 and i had two cookies all geared up and ready to go on a plate, i'm salivating and i can *taste* them already. but instead i put them back, made my nighttime magnesium drink and read. what's up bitch!!

[anomalocuntis]

Welcome to Marine cutie of the week, where every single week I draw a cute Marine animal and tell you about it! Today we have the Mediterranean monk seal!

The Medi monk seal is in the Family "Phocidae" (earless seals) and in the Genus "Monachus" (Pronounced Mo-NA- hoos "Ho are in horror" ) They are native to the Mediterranean sea and mostly vibe in my home land Greece! These fat fucks are 80cm (2.6ft) 15-18kg (25-40lbs) as babies and 2.4 meters (7.9ft) 200-400kg (530-880lbs) as grown adults! Very little is known about these bad boys sense they aren't many of them (A 2020 study shows that there are roughly 500 pairs of monk seals world wide) Like most seals they are polygynous and carnivores feasting on local fish like cod, squid and eels (They ate 3kg of food per day) the babies drink very fat dense milk until they reach maturity, most pups are born between September and January and have a 71% survival rate They breed ALL year round. They dive at at depths up to 250 meters, with an average depth varying between seal! They are very shy and tend to avoid humans at all costs Sadly these chubby kings are endangered due to habitat loss if you want to help here is a link to learn more!

Source

some irl pic of the bastards

[pbandjesse]

I think we're all really sleepy today. Not for any particular reason. Like last night wasn't a really tough night. But maybe just the general sleepies are catching up with me. I just can't believe that Sylvie has been with us for two whole weeks! That's wild! Time flies.

It was a quieter day here. I had fallen asleep between Sylvie's 9 and 12 bottles. And the midnight one I was nodding out for. I was just super sleepy. And she seemed to be as well. She didn't even wake up when I changed her! And she hates that! But at least we were all getting rest.

I had some intense dreams. And every time I woke up and went back to sleep a new dream as you would start and it was just a lot. I really struggled to wake up for real. I felt pretty horrible when my alarm went off. I texted James because I felt so weak. They brought me medicine because I thought I just needed to get that process started and things would be okay. And I was right but it was like a good half hour before I felt like a person again. I was just really tired.

I put on my planned outfit and decided it was to cute and should be saved for when Jess is here tomorrow. So I put that away and switched out what outfit I was wearing. And still felt cute and good. I would add tights to the outfit later on. Because it was a little cold today. Another mostly grey day.

I had cereal for breakfast. And the meds helped me feel better. I would do a few things around the house but I would try to not go so hard.

Sylvie was being really sweet today, but mostly she was sleeping. When she was awake she was enjoying staring out the window. I painted my toes. And she was just chilling.

We would move downstairs. And James would leave to get some stuff at the hardware store. Me and Sylvie would hang in the studio. I worked on some bean bears. I found the match for a earring I couldn't find last night. It was a nice morning.

After James got back they would make me nachos and feed Sylvie and then went out for a bike ride. While they were gone I did some cleaning. I cleaned the bathroom. Sylvie is the best baby and lets me leave her in the mat so I can do things. She's great.

I would finish the bathroom and started working on the sculpture cabinet in the studio. It was previously just a catch all but I wanted all the jewelry stuff to join the clay and plaster. And now I can add a lock to the door with all the tiny pieces in there.

I was figuring out where to put the stuff that was in the cabinet originally when James came home. I was happy to have them back and safe in the house. I am really glad we are making sure we each are have time for our own things every day.

The afternoon was nice. I put tights on because I was cold. James asked me if I was going to be good to go at 3. And I was confused because I thought Meril's going away was still 6. But it was at 4! So after Sylvie ate and I fixed my eyeliner, we were off.

We went to the museum first. To show off Sylvie and so James could get the insurance papers to add baby. We hung out upstairs in the offices for a little bit talking to Jesse. And waiting for Jessica to finish pumping so she could get special baby time.

It was nice talking to her about our delivery and baby and stuff. She's a great role model mom for me. She's only a little bit older than me and not has two kids, including one she just had in the fall.

We would walk over to Little Havana and it was so good to see everyone and get to say goodbye to Meril. She is one of my most favorite people so it is tough to see her go. But man. She is going to be so happy in Florida with her family.

It was super fun showing off our baby. Everyone loved her. She was mostly sleeping but we would get some open eye time. We had drinks and snacks and it was just really fun being out for a few hours. I missed our work friends.

We would have to leave around 530 so we could get home for Sylvie to eat at 6. So good he's all around. I ate a handful of nachos and we walked out. With promised to seeing everyone soon (when we come back to work in May).

I am glad we came home when we did. I was starting to feel no good. When we got back here I took my meds. And had some cheese cake. And James fed Sylvie. And I fed Sweetp. And we eased into a nice evening.

James made pizza dough and we put on The Pit. Sylvie has been awake for a while now, just looking around and making "hehehehe" noises. I am real tired. But I am happy. Just tired.

Jess is coming to visit tomorrow. We are going to go to a thrift store. And it will be a good day.

I hope you all have a good day too. I love you all. Sleep well. Goodnight!!

[thinsp0addict]

day four

breakfast : mcdonald’s two round egg and one hash brown. decided to eat a better breakfast because i have no energy towards the middle and end of the day but im definitely going to walk this off

300 cals

gonna try to keep it at 300 today since i definitely went over 1,000 yesterday.

also GUYS i’m starting to see a change in my stomach still fat but not too bad i don’t have a scale or else i would be weighing all the time im sorry yall

snack goldfish about 230 cals 🤮🔫

530 already pain

burned 91 cals going to old navy prolly burn more :)

my bf made me eat burger and cheese fries but i only ate like five fries and not even half of the burger

so imma put the cals around 239

doing terrible

ate saltines and some cereal put me up :(

finishing the day with 897 cals after exercise (not counting what i burned doing nothing) not bad but could be better i’ll push myself not to have breakfast tmr it seems that i eat more during the night

also seems that i eat a lot of carbs so im gonna try everything i can to eat foods with less carbs and cals tmr

[goneahead]

so **shuffles feet** @cowandcalf and @stephmcx tagged me way back when Tarquinus was still king. In my defense, it was summer and I was summering. (estivation really should be a hobby. just saying)

Five fic recs of my own personal fics (under the cut ‘cuz I got long-winded)

note 1: All of my fic is on Dreamwidth, some of it has been cross-posted to A03.

Click for lists-> Masterpost of A03 fics Masterpost of all my fic

note 2: My dreamwidth account is friend-locked, but you can drop me a DM if you need an invite.

note 3: fic titles are clickable links. The USDA recommends consuming a minimum three fanfics a day in order to stay properly hydrated.

O-Ate-Four

Addams Family and Avengers 530 words

pairing: none, gen

Why I wrote It: Because my muse is a seductive temptress. And also because I’m convinced the Addams family has to exist in the same world where **checks notes** people fight aliens with pointy sticks.

Why you should read it: Natasha, Wednesday, French cemetery. Come on, what else do you need for a perfect Halloween fic?

Talking about pointy sticks, I may have written an entire fic where Hawkeye renovates a cabin. My ability to write truly riveting plots is… questionable😜

Operation: Cupcakes 1,427 words

pairing: Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams but gen

Why I wrote it: Because the only thing better than writing about cupcakes is writing about red velvet cupcakes. No really, thats the plot. Did I mention my riveting plots?😆

Why you should read it: Because there is a serious dearth of McDanno baking fics. And because there are red velvet cupcakes.

Beam Me Up, Danno

Hawaii Five-0 42,995 (including sequel)

Why I wrote it: Either this was a whumptober fic that got out of hand—or my muse tied me up and threatened to put a Ceti eel in my ear if I didn’t write it. Take your pick.

Why you should read it: Because the world needs a Hawaii Five-0 Star Trek AU? Also, there is Cardassian poetry, diplomatic javelining, and aliens that love butter pecan ice cream.

Yes, this is my second ‘Hawaii Five-0 in space’ AU, and I’m totally done writing about aliens. **hides my Hawaii Five-0 MIB wip behind my back**

Care and Feeding of a Super Seal

Hawaii Five-0 59,934 words

pairing: Steve McGarrett/Danny Williams

Why I wrote it: This is my coda for the Hawaii Five 0 finale and all @cowandcalf’s fault. My muse agreed with all her points in this meta she wrote and… stuff happened. Also, I was obsessing thinking in a very normal fashion about how the ohana deserved better, too.

Why you should read it: I did my best to explain the ending, various plot holes the size of an spider crab, and a few other things that have bugged fans over the years. There’s also Steve!whump, some badass!Danny, and a generous sprinkling of ohana. Most importantly, the boys talk about diving, and get their happy ever after.

Beasts and Outlaws note: this fic is only on dreamwidth

Supernatural 145, 622 words

pairing: Dean Winchester/OMC

Why I wrote it: I’ve always wanted a paranormal fic that felt like it was set in the southwest, so I decided to write one cleverly disguised as a Supernatural AU.

Why you should read it: Where else are you going to get a fic with nagueles, rain gods, and the FBI? Also, Old Man Coyote makes a random appearance and Dean’s in love with a were-cougar.

And yes, I wrote a Hawaii Five-0 AU where I turned Chin into a were-leopard but its totally not the same thing😂

tagging: @itwoodbeprefect @simplyn2deep and @herveiwfromthefloor

[oh-adorabile]

i just got a free acai bowl like seriously why do people keep giving me free stuff!!!!! i ate it all and it was great, but around 530 cals.

[gottamakesurveys]

Longest survey ever continued …

— Finish the Sentence —

510. What motivates me day to day is:

511. I’m the kind of person that can be counted on to:

512. When you first meet me you’ll notice:

513. To me, love is:

514. What I look for in my friendships is:

515. You’ll know if I’m afraid by:

516. When I’m happy I’m most likely to:

517. I’ll never comment on someone else’s:

518. I’ve got a good eye for:

519. My nighttime routine involves:

520. It’s not easy for me to:

521. Once you get to know me you’ll realise that:

522. If I’m daydreaming it’s most likely to be about:

523. I never leave my house without:

524. The last song I heard play was by:

— Firsts —

525. First best friend?

526. First school teacher?

527. First hobby?

528. First girlfriend/boyfriend?

529. First vacation/holiday?

530. First book series you got into?

531. First album you bought?

532. First kiss?

633. First piercing?

634. First tattoo?

535. First car?

536. School trip?

537. Movie saw in the cinema?

538. First stay in hospital?

539. First time having sex?

540. First major fall out with a friend?

— Fives —

541. Five authors you like:

542. Five colours you like:

543. Five emojis you use the most:

544. Five locations you’d like to visit:

545. Five musical genres you like:

546. Five names you’d give your pets:

547. Five popular bands you’re not into:

548. Five songs you play over and over again:

549. Five Words you use a lot day to day:

550. Five YouTube channels you follow:

— Food —

551. Salty, sweet or savoury snacks?

552. Favourite meal of the day?

553. Favourite chip/crisp flavour?

554. Favourite food that is native to your country?

555. How many meals do you have in a day?

556. What’s your favourite vegetable?

557. How do you like your eggs?

558. Do you like your potatoes boiled, mashed, baked, roasted or something else?

559. What’s your comfort food?

560. If you go out for a meal what are you most likely to order?

561. What’s your favourite type of cake?

562. What do you like on your pizza?

563. What nations cuisine do you like the most?

564. Name some foods you really dislike:

565. What was the last item of food you ate?

566. Do you usually eat a cold or hot lunch?

567. Do you have a favourite restaurant chain?

568. What’s your favourite type of meat if you eat meat?

569. Do you prefer lots of little meals or a few larger ones?

570. Do you like seafood?

571. Do you prefer spicy or plain foods more?

572. Are you a better baker or cook?

573. Do you had spiced water

574. Do you add spices in your cooking?

— Friends —

575. Do you value friendships highly?

576. Are any of your friends like family to you?

577. How often do you get to see your friends?

578. Which of your friends have you known the longest?

579. Are most of your friends male or female?

580. Do you ever hang out with your friends in a group?

581. If you have a partner do your friends get on well with them?

582. Have you ever lived with a friend?

583. Do most your friends have similar interests to you?

584. Do you have any friends who live in a different country to you?.

585. Are any of your friends good to talk to when you feel you need emotional support?

586. What are some of the finest memories you have with your friends?

587. What friend that you’re no longer in contact with do you miss the most?

588. Have you had a friend who wasn’t really a friend and backstabbed you?

589. Did you have a lot of friends in school or were you more of a loner?

590. Have any of your friends got you into a new hobby or interest? What was it?

591. Do any of your friends have a high social media profile?

592. Have you supported any of your friends with their dreams or career such as going to their gigs or sharing their business page?

593. Which of your friends is the most successful in their career?

594. Do you share your secrets with your friends or are they more casual friendships?

595. Are you a member of the LGBTQA community have you told your friends and have they been supportive?

596. Are most of your friends younger, the same age or older than you?

597. If you work do you class your colleagues as friends?

598. What friend that you are still in contact with now have you known the longest?

599. Is there anything you’d really like to say to one of your friends right now? If so, what is it?

[pbandjesse]

It's the final day!!! And I mostly slept. That's alright. That's is apparently what I needed. It was a mainly good day though. Even if I was struggling at times. I feel lucky to get to give birth a little early because being pregnant sucks. I feel like this last week has been particularly bad and uncomfortable and I don't think getting bigger would be fun. Though I will miss having a baby in my belly because it's don't wonders for my self esteem. Like no one can tell me shit, I feel so pretty. Hopefully I just view my body as powerful afterwards.

I slept fine. But turning hurt a lot and I was struggling to be the correct temperature. And I woke up at 530 and was like. Well. Okay. So I tried to keep sleeping but would eventually give up and scrolled on my phone until James came up to cuddle me before it was time to get up.

I noticed I should trim my bangs. But I would do that later. I liked my outfit. And I was feeling pretty good. Even if my ribs hurt and I had heart burn. I was looking forward to our last monitoring appointment.

And man. It felt weird seeing her on the screen and knowing it's the last time? I mean I don't think I'll have an ultrasound tomorrow but maybe? I don't actually know that. But it was a good appointment.

Some of the other nurses came in to wish us luck. And I was glad I brought up the weird test result I got yesterday and the one nurse looked into it and she thinks the tech did the math wrong and essentially doubled the number. So while I should still be on the lookout for preeclampsia symptoms, I am not as worried.

The appointment was good though. And I felt the love for everyone who works there. I thanked them for everything. And then we were off.

Jess let me know she was still not feeling great after her doctor's appointment. Where they told her she is at the end of strep throat and has to take antibiotics but should be okay to visit at the end of the day tomorrow. I'm sad she won't be there for the whole thing but it's probably for the best since we don't know what the day will be like. I'm just really glad she can be there at all.

James seemed so tired today I think after being so sneezy last night they just slept terribly. But they were real quiet and had a sad face. They said they are also just nervous about me having surgery. Which is totally fair. But I could also tell we were both just dealing with the changes we are about to deal with in our own ways.

James would bike and work on their final edits for their podcast. And I would organize my tote bag and add the decorative brass mother pin I got and would fall asleep.

I started not feeling good sitting on the bed when we got home. I finished my little project. And needed to lay flat. James was collecting laundry so we could mainly be done that and I texted them I wasn't feeling amazing. But I was asleep by the time they came upstairs.

I would slept for an hour and a half. And woke up not feeling amazing. James had gotten back from their bike ride and was continuing to work on house tasks. They would run to the store and put gas in the car. And I would have a few donuts holes when I woke up. And then went down to have my leftover quesadilla.

But it didn't make me feel very good. I ate that sitting at my desk abd was just not feeling amazing. So I went back to bed.

I would call CVS to let them know that they gave me way to many pills. I got a call back from one of the nurses at my OB office and they were like. We only prescribed you 10 pills why did they send you almost 200???? I wasn't able to get the pharmacy on the phone but I left them a voicemail just so they know there was a mistake. It still makes me giggle seeing the huge bottle.

While I was in bed I mainly just scrolled on my phone and dozed and wished James was in bed with me but they had things to do.

I would fall asleep for a little. And woke up before 4. And we would go over to Mathews at 5.

So I took my time getting myself together. Fixed my eyeliner. And soon we were off.

And it was so nice. The waitresses were so excited for us. We were the only people there for a bit but once there were other patrons and they found out too they were also excited for us and it was just so fun feeling everyone's joy for us.

I am not super nervous. Beyond just feeling like logical nerves about not knowing what the surgery would be like. I am mostly just excited for the experience.

The pizza was great, but I got really really full and I was happy to go home. So after getting well wishes for everyone we headed out.

I decided on the drive home to call the L&D department because I thought I was going to get a call today but never did.

So I called and was like. Hey I have a c section in the morning and no one called? And they were like. OMG no one called??? And they were very apologetic and basically told me all the same stuff I was told through the app on January and at the appointment on Monday and the nurse on the phone was just really nice. And her birthday was yesterday and we were all like. Happy birthdays all around. It was a great energy.

I felt a lot more settled after that call. And when we got home I was feeling happy. Even if my body ached. I would trim my bangs. And James would work on editing and waited for Callie to come over with a camera for us to borrow. She actually just got here and I went down to give her a hug. And she said that if we want the camera for keeps it will be a gift from her family (her dad owns a camera store) and that is just. So sweet. I love all of our friends so much. They are all so supportive and make me feel so loved and it's just really great.

Now I am back in bed. My ribs are still bugging me. But I have a heating pad and I'll be okay. Soon we are going to watch an episode of our show and I'll take a shower with the scrub kit they gave me and hopefully go to bed early. We have a very early call time. I may do my post as a throughout the day one. We will have to see.

I love you all very much. Wish us luck and safety. Talk soon!!!

[mylifelessonslog]

So today was far better than yesterday. It's good to acknowledge issues and that you need to address them.

I had a great sleep, although I woke up wanting more. After saying how much TV affects the mind, my dreams were totally a reflection of the series I was watching 🤣 so today I have just watched comedy which is good.

Anyway, started the day by ploughing out 3.6km in the pool which I was extremely happy with. Longest swim I've done in a pool. I have done 5km in a river but this was a new pool PB. Body was happy with it and pushed to the end. My back did like to tighten a bit towards the end (which I should have stretched out at some point today).

Post swim I had a massive porridge. Cracked on with work and decided that I need to look at what I'm eating. After a quick bit of calculation I have found myself a couple thousand more calories to eat per day. I was trying to lose a bit of weight to make running easier but the fact is that is not happening after 2 months of being on reduced intake (ish). But what has been happening is fatigue. So I decided I'll take the cap back off. I will have to eat good foods but I can eat more again. Hopefully this, plus sleep will provide far less anxiety (pref zero).

This evening I then skipped all exercise and just tidied up my flat and organized everything. It makes me feel so much better; means I'll wake up happy; means I'll be able to find things easier; means I'll get better results.

Otherwise, I ate some tasty tasty tasty sausages from the butchers and found a few chocs in my mountain bike bar bag which was a bonus.

Tomorrow I intend on the following

530- journal

6- run 10km

730- shower / meditate

8- start work and eat breaky.

Lunch time- weights for the hour

5- Zwift for a couple hours.

Big dinner

Relax.

First off though. Time for a wonderful sleep 😍

[d3ath0fpeac3ofmind]

Had: 530 c4ls

Burned: 574 c4ls

God I feel like a pig I ate so much but burned it walking in the city. I think I might have a metab day tomorrow but I don't know because there's only like 5 days till Xmas so I might just save it for that!! I'll eat tomorrow and then I am going to fast for 40 hrs

[ayearlaterletters]

Aug 9th - Aug 14th

I am writing this on August 14th and I am still in love with you. I'm still obsessed with you. and I always think about you being inside of me pleasuring me gently. It is currently 9:08 pm and we departed ways not that long ago maybe 30 minutes ago. I had a wonderful weekend with you and I would do it again! Let's recap :) August 8th: We went bowling after Marcus volleyball game. Then we decided to make love in the Bowlero parking lot then sped off to the darkest home depot parking lot to recoup because a random silver lexus decided to pull up in the empty bowlero parking lot. After we recuperated, I believe you took me to Hong Kong for some late-night dinner :) August 9th Friday: You worked in the morning. After your shift, you picked me up around 530pm. that day was a very spontaneous trip to the mall to window shop, grabbed Wetzel's, and some Ding Tea for me. After the mall, we went to Torrey Pines and laid on the beach on your blanket. Then, we made love in your car. I believe I got home around 1am and only rested for 1 hour before having to get ready for my shift.

August 10th Saturday: It was my first day back at work and I was FC curb and Jetbridge queen - I would like to say, Saturday was a good work shift day. I believe after our shifts, you picked me up again around 530 and we went to The Village in North Park, which is literally down the street from me. I had vegan fish tacos and you had a vegan crunch wrap with a margarita. After our meal, I spontaneously wanted to take you to my beach spot in Del Mar by the racetracks and show you the flowers blooming. we didn't get to go because, by the time we arrived, it was already dusk - you said it's your favorite time of the day. We kissed, talked, and stared out into the sky looking at constellations and the reflection of the moon against the ocean waves. After Del Mar, we drove back to Torrey Pines and made love again. After our lovely night, we drove back home. I think i came home like around midnight. August 11th Sunday: I woke up late and arrived at work an hour later. I was kiosk/bag drop and you also went to work too. Sunday, i woke up around 3-4pm, made my way to walmart to buy fruit and cookies, and came to pick you up for the bay day at colorado with the HA family. We took Claudia home after and then we made our way to IB. We walked along the beach and i said I love you and i meant it even though it slipped out accidentally but i meant my word. We finally said i love you. i went home at a reasonable time and went to bed. August 12th Monday: After our shifts, you picked me up around 6pm and we made our way to plaza bonita amc and watched our surprise movie Skincare. After our movie date, you drove to sunset cliffs and we made love for like 1.5 hours. After our love session, we were very hungry and went back to hong kong for to go. i believe i got home around almost midnight so i took a quick bite of my food and went to bed. August 13th Tuesday: you were my Uber boyfriend and got me a delicious breakfast from Starbucks. After my shift, we went to Fig tree cafe and i ordered a vegan omlete with potatoes and a mimosa flight. You ordered some french toast with eggs and bacon. After our lovely brunch date we went to trader joes and you got some flowers for me and my mother and some chocolate bananas. You dropped me off at home and i took a lovely nap. while i took a nap, you went to get a haircut, ran some errands, and cleaned up around your home. I woke up around 330pm and cleaned up my room and kitchen, then packed my overnight bag. you picked me up around 530pm-545pm and we made our way to Murrieta. We had a gossip session with your auntie, and ate pretty late like around 11pm after your hair was done. We made love and fell asleep around 130am. August 14th Wednesday: We woke up around 8am to make love again, fell back asleep around 10am and woke up around 130pm. After leaving your aunt's house, we drove to yardhouse in temecula. After yardhouse, we walked around the mall and got starbucks, wetzels, and Miss Piggy Moo. After walking around the mall, we drove back to san diego but near mirmar base the traffic was increasing so we made a pit stop at feng cha and hung out after the traffic died down. after sunset, then I finally arrived home and we departed ways. now I am speaking to you on the phone and its officially 10pm! goodnight my lover and sweet dreams. until next time. i cant wait to see what the next week will hold for us. i am having so much fun with you. i love you.

I am everything you ever wanted and more. i am your girl.

somebody who doesn't annoy you and is quiet haha

you are my lover. I've been wanting a connection with somebody emotionally, spiritually, and physically. i am physically attracted to you highly, emotionally you make my heart beat, stomach flutter, brain mushy, and tongue-tied, and spiritually I love how you're intuned with yourself on a deeper level. i appreciate you even more when you read my emotions and understand my body language. you are a great boyfriend who understands me. i appreciate you and I love you so much for that baby you have no idea. you're perfect.

goodnight my lover, i love you and sweet dreams.

10:16pm <3

[heatherdiariez]

What we've eaten, ever since we started going on our diet;

6/17/24-

BREAKFAST: Trail mix, 1/2 cup (340 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Quesadilla, 1 whole (760 cal) ]

WATER: 32 oz

TOAL: 1,100 cal - not good, i know, but we were just starting out.. trying to ease us into it

6/18/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Cashews, 0.5 oz (86 cal) Pickles, 3 spears (0 cal)

DINNER: Edamame, 1 1/2 cup (180 cal) Grilled chicken, 2 tenders (105 cal) White rice, 1/4 cup (95 cal)

WATER: 96 oz!

TOTAL: 466 cal - We went over our budget (444) a bit, but we said it is okay because originally we weren't gonna eat the rice, but we did, just to hide our ana eating from our partner. And we will take a few extra cal if it means we don't trigger them.. I still feel a little gross about it though.

6/19/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Cream cheese, 0.5 oz (50 cal) Baby spinach, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Baby arugula, 0.2 oz (1 cal) Onion, 0.3 oz (3 cals) Cherry tomatoes, 1.2 oz (11 cal) Balsamic glaze, 1/2 tbsp (20 cal)

LUNCH: Boiled egg, 1 egg (78 cal) Cashews, 1 oz (172 cal) Strawberries, 4 strawbs (15 cal)

DINNER: Chili mac, 1 cup (200 cal) Fried rice, 1 small bowl (est 200 cal) Pickles, 1 1/2 spears (0 cal) Pineapple juice, 2tsp (6 cal)

WATER: 112 oz :)

TOTAL: 866 cal - Originally our budget was 666 for that day, but our partner made fried rice and we felt really bad not eating any. So we just ended up having a little... so we decided the next day we'd make our budget 666 instead.

6/20/24-

BREAKFAST: vape <3

LUNCH: Chicken, 2 tenders (74 cal) Pea pasta, 1 bowl (253 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal) Strawberries, 7 medium (27 cal)

DINNER: Salad, 1 bowl (294 cal) Halo top ice cream, 2/3 cup (109 cal)

WATER: 156 oz!

TOTAL: 757 cal - We went over our budget. AGAIN. I don't have an excuse for this. We just wanted a salad and we didn't want to skimp out on any ingredients because we wanted it to taste good. I regret it though.

6/21/24-

BREAKFAST: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 3/4 cup (160 cal) Oats & honey protein granola, 1 oz (118 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Wawa cheesesteak fries, 1 bowl (390 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 3/4 burger (705 cal) Wawa birthday cake cheesecake, 16 oz (530 cal)

WATER: 88 oz

TOTAL: 1,903 cal - We went WAY over budget today. Charlie begged us to stop doing any cal limits below 800, so we agreed to make that our consistent limit. The only reason I'm trying to not be too hard on us for what we ate is because a little was eating dinner and she was very, very upset. I'm just glad we at least didn't go OVER 2,000 cal, but we're gonna have to make up for it tomorrow.

6/22/24-

BREAKFAST: Bertolino Bridgford salami, 1 serving (130 cal) Cracker Barrell yellow cheddar, 1/2 serving (55 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal)

LUNCH: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 medium (8 cal) Whole grain garden salsa chips, 1/2 serving (70 cal) Pickle, 1 spear (0 cal)

DINNER: Crepe, 1 crepe (108 cal) Wawa double cheeseburger, 1/4 burger (353 cal) Edamame, 1.8 oz (62 cal) Salad, 1/2 bowl (37 cal)

WATER: 178 oz!

TOTAL: 1,046 cal - We only went slightly over budget today, which is better than yesterday at least. If it weren't for that damn cheeseburger we probably could've stayed under budget. 353 for that tiny ass quarter of a burger... fucking ridiculous.

6/23/24-

BREAKFAST: Planters trail mix cajun, 19.3 grams (~110 cal)

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried Rice, 2 servings (~400 cal) Cottage Cheese, 1 cup (160 cal)

WATER: 96 oz

TOTAL: 670 cal - Much better today!!! The fried rice was real hard to calorie count bc our partner made it, but I just kinda threw an estimate out there. But bc we were like, 330 cal under budget today I can pretty much guarantee we were not over that day.

6/24/24-

BREAKFAST: Bagel Thin, 1 bagel (110 cal) Philidelphia cream cheese, 1/2 serving (50 cal) Dominos marinara sauce, 1 serving (8 cal) Boiled egg, 1 large (77 cal) Basil, 4 leaves (0 cal)

LUNCH: Sour cream & chive instant mashed potatoes, 2 servings (220 cal) Corn, 54 g (36 cal) Crepe, 2 medium (216 cal) Hazelnut spread, 1 tsp (33 cal) Strawberries, 2 1/2 medium (10 cal)

DINNER: Chicken tenderloins, 7.8 oz (195 cal) Baby bella mushrooms, 1.5 oz (10 cal)

WATER: 98 oz

TOTAL: 965 cal - Doing alright. Still under budget so it's fine. Thank god for mashed potatoes!!

6/25/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Chik-fil-a chicken sandwich, 1 serving (490 cal) Chik-fil-a waffle fries, 1 serving (420 cal) Honey mustard, 1/2 serving (50 cal)

DINNER: Dominos parm spinach pizza, 1/2 pizza (900 cal) Dominos honey bbq pineapple bacon pizza, 1/2 pizza (810 cal)

WATER: 94 oz

TOTAL: 2,670 cal - This was the worst day yet. I'll cut us a little slack, because it was El who was high and eating pizza. Ann wouldn't have gotten chik-fil-a if she knew we were gonna have pizza though, so shit happens I guess. ugh.

6/26/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: N/A

DINNER: Fried calamari, 3 rings (36 cal) Spider sushi roll, 1 serving (404 cal) Hawaiian sushi roll, 1 serving (342 cal) Crab rangoon, 2 pieces (92 cal)

WATER: 48 oz?

TOTAL: 874 cal - We did okay I guess. We were originally gonna OMAD from yesterday but Kris+Apollo wanted to go on a sushi date. The restaurant also didn't have calories so these are all estimates.. but it's sushi, I highly doubt we went over 1,000 cal.

6/27/24-

BREAKFAST: N/A

LUNCH: Oikos pro greek yogurt, 8 oz (213 cal) Hazelnut spread, 6 g (32 cal)

DINNER: Dominos mushroom pepper pizza, 3 slices (540 cal) Cashews, 1.3 oz (211 cal)

WATER: 56 oz?

TOTAL: 996 cal - We've been real bad about tracking water recently but oh well. Also we were just BARELY in the budget and Eli ate a fuck ton of gochujang but didnt count it so we probably were over. :,)

.💟🌹.