#i am very aware that this is not the best kiss scene ever but i've seen worse and this one was a bit cute ok | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

zilabee · 1 year ago

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A meme about my fic, believe me when I tell you. This is one of those question lists for ask memes, but I don't believe in that, I am just answering the questions I have an answer to and I've combined a couple of memes into one to get rid of the questions I don't understand.

1: What inspired you to write this fic?

It was a kink meme prompt, so that prompted me. And it's a lovely thing anyway, the idea of John finding lyrics with his name in, but the prompter specifically said that they have a 'heart to heart' and I was immediately enamoured at how ridiculously hilarious it would be trying to have a heart to heart with Paul McCartney about what his song might actually mean. Reading The Lyrics I had spent a lot of time trying to work out Paul's head, and wondering how much he actually believes that the long and winding road is about a road, you know, and what he really means by that, what level he's on with anything he says, so I wanted to write a fic looking at that anyway.

2: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

"You kissed me." "I know." "But you're not..." Paul says. "I mean we're not..." "I think we might be, Paul."

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

"Paul kisses him and then kisses him again, and it's such a relief. It's the first thing that's made sense all day. It's the first thing that's made sense for years."

4: What scene (or line) did you first put down? Did you plan it out, or write as you go?

As ever, I wrote the first bit first! Dull but true. And I wrote it as I went, which is always how I write, even if there are going to be chapters which there weren't with this one. I have the vaguest idea of the shape/length of the thing when I start, and then I just write a bit and see what comes next. Saying that, it's a terrible way to write, I tie myself in knots and have to do a lot of rearranging, and I'm not saying it's best, it's just the only way I can do it. I suppose it's like I wrote it by writing down EVERYTHING they might say to each other, and then carving out the bits that made sense.

5: Was it easy or hard to write? Which part was most difficult?

It was okay. I kept hitting dead ends trying to make the conversation flow even a little bit from one thing to another, so there was a lot of moving it about, but it didn't feel difficult until I got to the bit after the kiss. That stalled me for ages because I didn't know how much they really needed to say or if it felt rushed. I still think it does feel a little bit rushed, but also I don't care. I kind of sided with Paul that as soon as they'd kissed it was more important for them to fuck than to actually dig into anything about how they felt or what they wanted or how it was going to work or what any of it meant. Mostly because I think the moment they talk about what they want it's all going to be very difficult again and I didn't want to be involved.

6. How did you choose the POV to write from?

I knew this one would be from Paul's POV because I wanted to get inside the way he thinks about lyrics and songs and try to feel it out as a thing he's genuinely feeling, not something he's aware is defensive, not something where he actually deep down knows that putting John's name in his song means something and just doesn't want to say so, but where he genuinely feels it's perfectly normal and John's being weird about it. (Although then with a slight sense of nervousness when he first sees the lyrics, as if there's something deeper inside him that knows it needs to be hidden?)

I thought about slipping between that and John's POV to really get across how used to Paul's strange thought patterns he was, and how he had to puzzle it all together, but in the end I found it more interesting to try and have Paul show how John was responding and hoping it was clear what John was actually feeling compared to what Paul thought he was thinking.

7. Did you always know how it would end?

I knew it was going to be happy and together, because that's always my aim. And then quite early on the bit of dialogue with John promising to tell Paul which of his own songs are about Paul, came to me and I love the idea of Paul's insides collapsing like a house of cards at the very idea of it, so I worked towards that.

8: Where did the title come from?

The song! I love having a musical fandom, where you just write about a specific song and it makes titling a breeze. (Saying that I'm not sure the title suits.) (But then, saying that, I don't care. The title exists, and that's all I look for in a title.)

9: Were there any particular lines or scenes which you had to cut despite wanting to keep them?

Not as much in this fic as in longer fics with more than one scene in them, but there was this bit, which isn't much on its own, but I quite liked when it was in place because it created a very definite shift in tension and they were both suddenly right there in their skin:

"Is that what's happening?" John asks, his voice low, a rasp in his throat. "Are we losing the whole thing?" "I think so," Paul says lightly, and he wants to say more, but his throat closes up.

10: What do you like best about this fic?

I like it when Paul just says something totally open and honest without noticing it and John quietly looks at him. Like when Paul's all 'I put your name into all my songs, it doesn't MEAN anything' and John has to just stare for a bit. I like that Paul feels like he has won that point and that John must realise he was being silly. I love Paul. I love that he's stupid.

11: What do you like least about this fic?

I find their voices very hard, so writing a fic of total dialogue was not a good look for me. And I feel like I concentrated a lot on the 'begging you to stay' aspect of oh!darling and maybe some of the 'I'll never let you down/do you any harm' bits would have also been quite interesting to John.

12: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I have absolutely no musical associations with this one. I didn't even listen to the song itself.

13: What happens after the end of this fic?

Obviously very lovely things happen in the immediate aftermath. And I do think that being able to touch and kiss and fuck John would suddenly push Paul into boyfriend mode, and he is more capable of being loving in that mode, it gives him permission to be softer, and I think it might blow John's mind and they might be good for each other, I don't know.

I also feel firmly that one morning in a couple of weeks, Paul will mention that he dreamed about kissing John, and casually say that usually when he has that dream they're at the studio, but this time they were at home. And John will stare at him with exasperated fondness and quietly ask him how often he dreams about kissing him, and if he ever thought about what that might mean, and Paul will wrinkle his nose because he dreams about kissing John all the time, and obviously it doesn't MEAN anything, because dreams aren't real.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

NO.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

NOTHING.

#believe me when I tell you #fic thoughts

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ravvenheart · 1 year ago

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fifi here, sparklative thong left a trace in my head (and since I’m occupied by other works, idk if I write it) so I’m leaving a prompt with a usage of those:

Roleplay in bed - SW and client, idk something along those lines. Feat SPARKLATIVE THONG. And maybe slight femininization (switching pronouns??? A bit of makeup)

A scene before - “lets try something new” talk with negotiation and boundaries, bc it’s good to talk abt trying something new

"Why this has been so has been sparkling?" jan asks, no one in particlar. In hindsight, the footage of him drunkenly wondering about this piece of fabric was slightly embarassing. With grammatical skills of the english language completely lost on him, Jure and Nace passed him after some time. The drummer chuckled along but ignored him ultimately but Nace, best boyfriend one could ever have, paid attention to him and listened to his ramblings. the battery of mark's battery conviently gave up, so he left for his bag inside, promising hed return in a moment.

"nacko, look at it, its so pretty"

The older nodded along and looked him up and down with dark eyes jan always got lost in. "Yeah, very pretty"

"But why so sparkla-, sparkly-, sparklative?" he rambled on, completely focsued on the thin fabric with deliacate lace and shining rhinestones.

Totally oblivious to the dark gaze his boyfriend is sending him, nace leaned in and whispered "Reds always been your color Janći. think youd look breathtaking"

Jans head whipped around at the words, trance abrubtly ending as he finally met naces mischevious eyes. something in his stomach fluttered as images flew around his head and his breath stopped for a second.

Lace across his pelvis, rhinestones framing his hips and fabric barely fitting his dick with the head peaking out to the side. Nace between his legs, kissing hickies onto his inner thighs and hands, gripping tight, leaving bruises on his hips. He felt himself shifting away from the hot breath on his sensetive skin but then again moving back, needing more, more stimulation, more touch, more nace. he was breathing hard as the bassists large, calloused hands caressed his sides and spread on his stomach. Goosebumps all over his body-

Jan felt the blush on his ears but the footsteps of marc made him return to the present because jesus christ, where did these thoughts come from? this was definetely neither the right time nor place to dive into this newly developed-, kink? Preference? interest? Well, whatever it was, nace chuckled meanly at jan, apparently fully aware of the crisis he started in the younger man. the bassist planted a short but hot kiss under his ear, making jan shiver and freed himself from his grip and turned back to walk back to the venue just as marc started filming again. quickly realizing he needed to get his act back to the "why is this so sparklative?", he rambled on again and yelled back at nace, though the older mans words reverberated in his mind. The vision even more.

***

Guess who returned with a little treat!?

Dear fifi, you are so correct about the sparkative thong and there has been a vision in my head I cannot get rid of and I've been writing whenever I had time this week (in between working 40hrs and getting sick lol) and I am not even remotely finished but I really really wanted to share this with yall!

I'll try to get this done in the next few days, I think I am at 2k right now but I won't promise anything, because I never fulfill my promises anyway lol but I offer this as a little tasting, teasing you for what is about to come (and who!)

Excuse the typos, I haven't betad this yet and I'll be going on a trip to brugge tmr and I am very tired, I promise the finished version will be better!

#jan peteh #nace jordan #nace x jan #jance

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itsmesheep · 1 year ago

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what happens in changerion? well. everything and nothing. it's a show that's very bad and also the best thing you've ever watched. it has the wildest ending because of how cancelled it got. the world would most certainly not survive a 50 episode show of changerion. it has the most perfect ending to a villain i have ever seen. the first four episodes are super wild, between the cross-dressing, the fake harem wedding, and the gay being handcuffed together. there's a scene of the main guy giving the other guy food that goes on for a FULL MINUTE. the monster has to fax directions at one point. the first main girl is the main guy's "supposed girlfriend". there's a gay kiss, in public, in 1996. the agency that made the suit is bankrupt. the overarching plot is paper thin but the episodic episodes rule. the suit actor was stuck on a beach for an hour and thought he was gonna die. the guy who wrote the show had saved the sentai franchise only 5 years earlier.

CHANGERION IS A SHOW THAT CERTAINLY EXISTS

i've see the minute long food sharing inexplicably the most romantic scene ever put on television, it makes me crazy. and i'm generally aware of inoue's....... *gestures*

i do want to watch it sometime but there is so much tv and i am forced to have a job 😞

#unfortunately inoue is forgiven for everything indefinitely because he made agito #changerion

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blue-aconite · 8 months ago

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𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬!

thank you @antiquitea for the tag! ✨

tagging: @bobfloydsbabe @hangmanssunnies @green-socks @a-reader-and-a-writer @withahappyrefrain @teacupsandtopgun and anyone else who wants to play!

questions and responses under the read more to save your dashboards!

how many works do you have on ao3?

nineteen

what's your total ao3 word count?

35,254

what fandoms do you write for?

i currently write for top gun maverick

top five fics by kudos

the future is set in crayons - saul/andreas & sky/bloom (fate: winx saga) 145 kudos

bonded - farah/saul (fate: winx saga) 85 kudos

cherry blossom - sky/bloom (fate: winx saga) 74 kudos

stray - platonic saul & sky (fate: winx saga) 65 kudos

equalizer - saul/andreas (fate: winx saga) 59 kudos

do you respond to comments?

i try my best to, even if it sometimes takes me a while to get to it.

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh, it either has to be you said you'd grow old with me or love, he called it. i got yelled at a lot after posting both of them.

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

like, happiest contra how the rest of the fic went or just happy in general? it was just a kiss, every little thing she does is magic and homecoming all have happy endings despite being a little angsty somewhere in the middle while once in a lifetime is just the cutest shit ever

do you get hate on fics?

sometimes. i got a lot of hate when i first posted my top gun maverick werewolf au, which caused me to kind of lose inspiration for it (hopefully one day it will return). other than that, i haven't received anything.

do you write smut?

i do but i haven't posted any of it. maybe one day.

craziest crossover?

i haven't written a crossover since i was a kid (maybe 10 years old) and that was for twilight & harry potter!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of!

have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

equalizer was co-written with @septemberrie and cherry blossom was co-written with loulislife

all time favorite ship?

steve rogers / tony stark & thorin oakenshield / bilbo baggins

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

stealing @antiquitea's answer and saying that i am delusional enough to believe that i will finish every single wip i have in the works (i absolutely will not), because it's spot on.

what are your writing strengths?

absolutely none? i'm hot garbage and i just wing it. i've been told that i'm good at writing emotional scenes, so maybe that.

what are your writing weaknesses?

everything. i often feel like i can't get the right flow.

thoughts on dialogue in another language?

keep it easy if it's not a language you speak yourself. google translate isn't that good, if we're being honest. i tend to avoid it if it isn't my native language.

first fandom you wrote in?

twilight.

favorite fic you've written?

let me drown hands down. i'm very proud of what i've written so far.

#fe answers #fe loves megan #twenty questions for writers

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eldritchsurveys · 11 months ago

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1178.

When did you last see someone you know in public? >> I hardly know anyone, so this doesn't really happen.

Do you enjoy going to the dentist? >> I am massively triggered by any kind of medical visit, so, no.

When did you last eat something you didn’t like? >> I don't eat things I don't like...

Do you think you’d survive if zombies took over the world? >> I don't think so, no. Wouldn't want to, anyway.

When did you last hang out with a bunch of friends at one time? .

What kind of music is your least favorite? >> I guess ambient? I just don't find it interesting in the slightest.

Are you and your best friend complete opposites? .

Would people around you say you’re regularly a mean person? >> A lot of people have said this or some variation of it about me. Do you like the colour yellow at all? >> It's my favourite colour :)

If you were to write a novel, what would it be about? >> I don't think I have a novel in me.

How many times have you logged in to Bzoink? (it has a counter) >> Well! I certainly can't check now, can I!

Are you currently pretending to be someone’s friend? >> I barely have the ability to be a friend to someone I want to befriend. How on earth would I pull off pretending? Also, I'd much rather put what little social energy/ability I have into people I like.

Are you an impatient person? >> Sometimes.

Are you afraid to watch movies that have sex scenes with your friends? .

Who sings the last song you listened to? >> No one, it was an instrumental track from a movie score. Why do you think some actors don't want to see their movies/shows? >> That's not for me to say, now, is it?

Do you think fortune tellers are the devil’s messengers (haha)? >> I don't think anything specific about fortune tellers as a whole. That's a large demographic full of a variety of people, some of whom are charlatans, but some of whom are not.

Would you rather use napkins or paper towels? >> I use paper towels. Paper towels have a wider application than napkins do, one of those applications being "napkin". So it seems more logical to just use the one thing.

Do you go to the pool in the summer time very often? >> I never go to pools. Have you ever had a serious issue involving your eyes? >> I have not.

Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? >> I've seen a lot of it. My favourite character back when I watched was probably Tweek, I just thought he was cute.

Do you have sensitive teeth? >> I don't.

Do you enjoy or hate snow days? Why is this your choice? . Do you turn pale when you get sick? >> I don't know, I've never been that sick. Does it bother you to get shots in the mouth? Does it hurt? >> Of course it hurts. When did you last talk seriously with one of your parents? .

What is the day of the week currently? >> Wednesday.

Is anything exciting coming up in the next three months? >> I don't think so.

Do you ever borrow money from someone? >> Not borrow, no. I don't have the ability to pay people back.

Do you know anyone who tells every single thing you say? >> I do not. At least, I've not been made aware of it, if so.

When did you last kiss someone on the cheek? Who was it? .

Why do you think people like Lady Gaga so much? >> Because that's just what floats their boat.

Do you have a lot of enemies, or not so much? >> I don't think I have any enemies. I guess that's the upside about not really being cared about, no one is super into me but no one is super against me either.

Can you count backwards from 100 without a mistake? >> Sure.

Do you have any friends you’ve had since birth? >> Imagine that...

Do you care if your friends talk badly about you? >> Of fucking course I'd care???

Would you rather drink out of a straw or just the cup alone? >> Just the cup.

Does anyone ever say they miss you often? >> No one says that.

Would you rather become a wizard or a vampire, if you had the choice? >> Wizard.

Is there anyone out there who has made you feel miserable? >> you're joking right

Do you have a problem answering personal questions? >> Not at all. If I don't want to answer one, I won't answer it. No problem at all.

What color is the vacuum-cleaner in your house? >> Grey and blue, I think.

Have you already moved out of your parents’ house? >> lol

Are your parents divorced, married or separated? .

Have you ever thought you might just have obsessive compulsive disorder? >> I have never thought that. Any obsessiveness or compulsion I experience is pretty solidly explained by CPTSD or autism (or their intersection).

Do you think it’s rude to text someone else while on a date? >> As most things: it depends.

What is the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? >> I don't know. I saw Repo Man recently, the 80s movie, and that was surprisingly hilarious to me. The dialogue, the lyrics of the songs, the fucking product labels... A+ What are your views on our current president? >> I don't have any views on him.

Has one of your websites ever quit operating or shut down? Were you sad? >> Unfortunately I have been on the Internet long enough to have experienced this many times over. It sucks every single time. I didn't even use Bzoink to the extent that other users did (I just stole surveys from there to post here), but it still sucked. Websites I use frequently/for long periods of time are yet another part of my life that have to be grieved when they inevitably die.

Is it awkward to see your best friend’s parents out in public? .

Who is the person you talk to the most in your house? >> I only live with one other person.

Is there a television show out there that you never miss? >> There are a few, yeah.

What movie have you seen too many times to be healthy? >> "to be healthy", pff. Please. The movie I've seen the most times is probably Event Horizon.

What are the last two digits of your phone number? >> 39.

Does it creep you out to see people with mullets? >> That's an interesting response. No, hairstyles don't creep me out. What is your biggest responsibility in your household? >> I don't even want to know. Whatever it is, I'm sure I'm failing at it. How cold did it get where you live, last winter? >> Last winter was much colder than this one. Not sure what's going on with this winter but I of all people am not complaining. I hope it's not too ecologically disruptive.

Do you ever wish you could go back in time to redo something? >> I do not.

Ever accidentally pull out a filling from your tooth? >> I have not and I hope I never do. Do you ever wonder what your exes are doing? >> In passing, sometimes. Like if I see something that reminds me of them.

Have you ever been caught in a huge lie with your parents? >> All the time, yeah.

Do you ever listen to the radio anymore? >> I do not.

Does it bother you to have personal conversations with people? >> It does not. I would actually like to have some deep personal conversations for once.

Ever ride in a limo? When did you last do so? >> I have not.

Do any of your body parts hurt at this moment in time? >> No. Are you sober at the time being? >> I am not, although most of the high has worn off by now. Do any of your friends constantly do things to annoy you? >> What the fuck? Apparently people will just be friends with any old kind of person. When did you last eat a Starburst? What color was it? >> I don't remember. It was probably red or pink, I don't really care for any other colour. Have you ever lied to someone & said they could sing when they couldn’t? >> I doubt it.

Do you ever call backstabbers out on what they do? >> I don't know any backstabbers. How many people in the world do you trust? >> *crickets* Well, I mean, trust with what? Like, I trust Sparrow to, idk, not bald-faced lie to me about anything important... well, I mean, they might, but... I assume they won't? But they still might. You see what I mean? It's hard to just unconditionally trust someone. Because people do all sorts of things. I try to assume the best but I'm also always ready for the worst. Yay, trauma.

#survey #surveys #random survey

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anna-mellgren · 4 months ago

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I have been following the fallout after Jenni Hermoso received an unsolicited post-victory kiss from Spanish soccer official Luis Rubiales at the 2023 World Cup final. If this happened in Sweden he would have been fired on the spot, there are deep cultural differences at play here. His mother even went on a hunger strike in defense of her son? If that was my son, I would simply tell him he deserved to get fired and give him a long lecture on female bodily autonomy.

However, if I ever have a son, I plan to hammer into his head what consent means and the importance of female bodily autonomy long before he even starts dating so he knows how to behave. I will have zero tolerance for anything else. Luis Rubiale's mother went on a hunger strike which proves to me she clearly raised him wrong and probably let him get away with arrogant behavior from a young age. You can love your son and still condemn his actions.

It reminds me of when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry on stage at the Oscars. People laughed it off and said he was just in the heat of the moment. I remember watching it live and thinking it was a bit f-ed up even back then. She played it off in the moment but later said she was just too shocked to know how to react and didn't enjoy it. Sadly so many women play it off so they don't upset anyone or make a scene when things like that happen.

I had excellent male influences while growing up but in my 20s I had some less great experiences with men. Just to be clear, I like men and think most men have excellent character. To be fair the vast majority of men are great but it can still be a minefield out there.

I am not saying all women are angels in every situation but if you look at the global cases of femicide worldwide you will understand how serious these issues can be. I specialized a bit on gender-based violence during my first stint in law school. I remember reading a case from 2012 where a guy shot his girlfriend point-blank in the head and got 3 years in prison for taking her life. She was only 17 years old and he was 19. This is the value of a human life in Sweden? He was out after a year and a half even though he was declared mentally sane and tried as an adult. Her mother described the sentence as being spit in the face and I agree with her. Cases like these made my blood boil and the sentences are often far too lenient. Sweden is definitely not leading the way on these issues and has a lot to learn which is surprising because Sweden generally considers itself to be further along on gender equality compared to the rest of the world. A country can’t say they care about women if people get a slap on the wrist for domestic abuse, rape or even murder. Sweden has a long way to go in my opinion.

I've had a few less great experiences with men while younger but I've also had incredible experiences to balance it out and give me perspective. I still think overwhelmingly men are great and the feminists who claim that all men are evil are dead wrong. I think it is wrong to hate all men just as much it is wrong for misogynists to hate all women.

With that being said, I hope the next generation will have a greater awareness of consent, bodily autonomy and respect toward all genders. The best path towards change is the conversations you have at home.

📍Update #1

— Ok I think I got triggered by watching the movie It Ends With Us and I will finally write this. Some people think the movie is a bit cheesy & Blake Lively’s PR for the movie is very questionable but I thought it was a great film. It caught the gaslighting perfectly & how domestic abusers can often have respectable jobs & look great on paper. I’ve been on this earth for over 30 years now so I’ve had my share of experiences with men. I believe I am fairly reasonable and I think I have a good relationship with literally every guy I have ever kissed or maybe we have no relationship at all which is completely fine & normal when you carry on with life but I don’t think there is any bad blood & I wish them all well and hope they are happy. I truly mean that.

There are 3 men however who made my life very difficult in different ways. The first was a fleeting acquaintance I met at a party in Argentina as a teenager and I had to resort to actual self-defense to get myself out of that situation. He didn’t accomplish anything and I felt proud of myself for defending myself but it left me with deep trust issues with men I did not know well. From then on I always watched my back. And my friends’ back. Also, a tip if you're young & going clubbing in Argentina... wear pants. Never skirts. I've had friends who've been groped when wearing a skirt in crowded places. My Argentine friends & I always wore pants when we went out in Argentina for this reason. Men would still sometimes try to pat your behind & then run into the crowd on a few occasions... one time I caught the man's hand & I dug my nails as hard as I could into his arm before he ran off. Welcome to being a woman!

The second guy is a Swedish guy I met in London over a decade ago at a posh nightclub. A friend of a friend was a member which is why I got in. Honestly, my memory from that night is blurry, but I told him I was American. It was a stupid game I sometimes played with friends when I was young and immature because I could listen to what the Swedish guys were saying. I did this only 3-4 times in total when I went out with Americans in Europe because it was fascinating what you would hear when Swedish men thought you were American. My American accent is immaculate so I could get away with it. I know this is morally dodgy but it was just a bit of fun & games up until then (I would never do this now). Anyway, up until then I always felt very safe with Swedish men… I hooked up with a Swedish guy that night but I fairly quickly realized I did not want to see him ever again & I wasn’t even that attracted to him. Hence, I never told him I was Swedish (in retrospect I should’ve told him I was Swedish before we hooked up but I was young, dumb & definitely not very sober). I remember I had left a situationship that was stuck in my mind so my friends 100% encouraged me to find a guy in the club to distract me & cheer me up. To be honest this whole situation with this Swedish guy was very unlike me & I never did anything like that ever again. At that moment in time, I had recently moved back to Sweden after spending a decade abroad & I’m an American citizen so this whole thing about me being American was not taken from thin air but I obviously should have told him I’m Swedish. I know this. He later finds out I am Swedish and begins a decade-long harassment/stalking/cyberbullying campaign against me. I can honestly say I made a mistake but his reaction was disproportionate. This ordeal drove me into some dark waters. Men should consider how far they are willing to go? I came back to the surface after swimming in some very dark waters but not all women have that strength. I think Swedish men from a posh background sometimes think they are all-powerful and will explode if a girl does not want anything to do with them or feel like they have been a bit tricked. Meeting this guy & that whole situation was the biggest mistake of my life. I literally did not go on a date for 6 years because I did not want to deal with men. I was essentially choosing to live in celibacy for 6 years during my prime. I only kissed 3 men on 3 separate occasions during 6 bloody years after that & nothing more. This is how much this affected me.

The third guy is more of a grey situation. I definitely fancied him and I know he fancied me. In retrospect, I think he just thought I was hot and his feelings might’ve not been that deep. I’ve dealt with guys like that before and sometimes they are not that into you (or I am not that into them) and I’m ok with that and wish them well. If a guy treats me with respect I will always wish them well no matter what feelings are involved… just so we are clear this is not *a scorned woman* situation. He has painted it a bit like that and it makes me angry. If anything this is about a scorned man with an inability to respect a no. This shouldn’t be a surprise because his ego is well-known. This situation happened about a year after the situation with the guy in London. Basically, this guy ignored my boundaries even though I told him I wouldn’t sleep with him before we even entered the building. I wasn’t ready and told him so about 15 times. He seemed to take this as a mortal wound to his ego so I tried to tell him that if we get to know each other better and if he came to visit me then maybe we could take the next step. I really liked him and was hopeful. Somehow he only heard the second half of that sentence and behaved in a really awful way. He ignored my boundaries and behaved in a way that was hard for me to reconcile. We met his friend who came back with a girl that night, they thought I was fine when we talked but the night took a turn after that. Clearly, little details have been missed when I haven’t been around to contradict anything. I was already dealing with the situation with the guy I met in London and I did not have the strength to confront this head-on. I blamed myself for this for a long time but it is very common for women to do this in these situations. For many years I told myself that he was young and got ahead of himself… that it wasn’t that bad etc etc etc. But it was pretty bad. Just for the record I was fully dressed, refused to get undressed, tried to leave at one point etc. His ego didn’t take that well. This is on him. He thinks he only behaved like an asshole and will admit that, but I say no. It was beyond that.

Somehow I still had feelings for him and I really wanted to believe this was drunk miscommunication but I never contacted him or any mutual acquaintances/friends whenever I visited his country after that. I think that says a lot. I put the whole situation in a closet and closed the door. It was not until I heard his narrative/version of events of that night from an acquaintance that I contacted him. What followed was a year-long communication which was a bit of a death spiral where I tried to forgive but I couldn’t really make up my mind… I went back & forth & it got pretty toxic. In retrospect, I think it was very naive of me to think we could work it out. From the very beginning, I knew my anger, bordering on rage, might drive him away forever and it did. A part of me wanted that & a part of me didn’t. I said I would not mention it here and I was planning on upholding that promise until I heard what he had said about me behind my back. He can spin the narrative by showing excerpts of our communication but the entire picture is very different if you see all communication. If there were CCTV cameras from that night I know that the truth would align with me. At the end of the day, I gave him the benefit of the doubt which is far more than most women would do but I will not be silenced or labeled something I am not. He did not try to rape me so we are clear but his behavior was not good so we are also clear on that. If a girl is not ready, then she is not ready. It will not matter if a man is carved by the gods themselves… sometimes a woman need to establish an emotional connection before sleeping with someone. End of story. Sexual coercion should be taught more thoroughly in schools. He said he is sorry but I think he was prepared to say anything to make me shut up. I will never mention who, where, or what this is about. His privacy will always be protected. I will never show our communication or go into anything else, so he doesn’t have to worry about his name being exposed. But he shouldn’t expect complete silence from me after what he put me through. I am entitled to share my experiences in life as a female without ever naming him to anyone. That is my final act of mercy. Ironically the only people who might suspect it might be about him are the people he talked about me to. My closest friends don’t even know his full name and I will keep it that way because I know he is sorry. He might be a good person but he was not a good person to me that night. I will not be completely silenced. This text is not about him or to get back at him.. I am writing this because I have found it very healing to listen to other women who’ve had similar experiences with men but have gotten on with life & thrived. Not feeling alone with a situation is healing. I am writing this to help other women feel less alone… not to get back at someone. He thinks I dragged him through hell but what he doesn’t realize is that he pushed me into the fire first.

He told me he had thought about me in the months before I contacted him & it was like I could sense it. Feelings don’t die a natural death when you don’t see someone for years… the feelings can linger. I think I subconsciously wanted any lingering feelings to die on both sides and I accomplished that after I contacted him. I wish him well but I am glad we don’t live close to each other. In the end, he said I completely changed him as a person & he would never treat a woman like that again & any future sons would be taught to do better so I don’t regret my communication with him. I later learned there were some red flags I had missed about him. Sometimes I think you have to bring a man’s hand to the fire to truly make him change his ways and I think I accomplished that.

Basically what I am saying is that I have been to hell and back with men. For many years I barely let a man touch me, it got to the point where some friends even suggested that I should date a woman. I think sexuality is on a spectrum but (perhaps unfortunately) I am very straight on that spectrum. I can appreciate female beauty but I have never been attracted to women. I am attracted to men & masculinity even if I avoided it for years. Men can distract, delay & almost destroy you if you’re really unlucky. Remember to be independent, go to school & pay your own bills. Hope for the best but always prepare for the worst when it comes to romance. Make sure you can always land on your feet no matter what comes your way. Most importantly, don’t lose hope in love because I can guarantee there are so many wonderful souls out there waiting for you.

So if you’ve been in a similar situation, know that you are not alone. Also, perhaps most importantly, there are so many good men out there so don’t drown yourself in sorrow. For every bad guy, there is at least 10 amazing guys. There is so much beauty in the world. And seek help if you need it. ❤️

📍Update # 2

Buckle up, I know this is long and you can skip if you feel like it doesn't apply to you. Let’s get to the root of this because I want to clarify one thing with the situation with this Swedish guy - The only reason I even started saying I was American a few times when I was out in Europe is because it was an excellent weeding out process for detecting men with bad intentions… (I only did this 3-4 times in total). It started out when I took out 2 American friends in Stockholm and I probably saved them from 2 giant red flags. I ran into an old school friend that night in Stockholm & got distracted chatting with her so my American friends went to the bar to get us drinks. I realized they had been gone for a while so I went to get them and realized they had been chatting with 2 Swedish guys in the bar. They are good-looking girls so I was not surprised. These Swedish guys thought I was American too and before I could say anything I heard how they talked about my friends in Swedish. I am not going to repeat what they said but clearly, they did not have great intentions. I played along for a while but I said a few choice words in Swedish to them before we decided to leave and their jaws were on the floor. The night in London is literally the only time I actually hooked up with a Swedish guy after telling him I was American, this was definitely a mistake on my part but I don’t think I should be crucified for it. I don’t think this is what set him off in the end… his biggest issue was that I didn’t want to see him again. Judge my friends and I for being young & dumb but let's also be clear that Sweden is sometimes called the rape capital of Europe for a reason… you shouldn’t judge a young woman too harshly for getting a bit creative when trying to weed out bad apples on a night out. It was a mistake on my part which I never did again but there was also a reason behind it. For many, many years I stayed quiet but it did not work & this Swedish guy kept going after me, it was not until I used my voice that I saw change. Use your voice. Know your rights. Help others. My whole future in law will be devoted to this.

~ Why did I even share my experience with the 3rd guy? Because I feel like I am forced to & I will actually go into some detail here because I have been silent for so long. He has called me crazy to people who know who I am… even though I have actually gone quite soft on him and moved heaven & earth to understand him. To be clear we only had email communication where I confronted him about his behavior, it does not make me crazy. He was even the one who resumed contact after not emailing for a few months. We forgave each other but also blocked each other in the end. It was definitely for the best and we agreed we would keep this between us & not contact each other again. This was fine but here is the thing, I will defend my name. So I will tell you why I reacted a bit crazy or overreacted (according to him) because we should establish what actually happened that night:

Perhaps a general rule of thumb going forward for all men is not to get a condom when a woman is refusing to shed a layer of clothing? Perhaps never shed your clothes before a woman does in the first place? Perhaps don’t get undressed a second time after she made you get dressed/threatened to leave the first time you got undressed?! A woman might have kissed you & likes you but it doesn’t mean that she wants it… especially if she keeps telling you that she does not want it? If she tells you she really likes you but she is not ready? If she removes your hands? If she tells you she is about to cry? All of that happened but we still settled for drunk miscommunication & when I asked for an apology/accountability in an email years later… I am the crazy one? But guess what? I will defend my name. We don’t live in the same country. We don’t have the same group of friends but we have common acquaintances. He knows people who know who I am. So yes… it does hurt me when he calls me crazy or twist the truth to people who know who I am because I confronted him about his behavior after years & years of staying silent. I’ve been understanding to a fault & protected him for a long time but I don’t feel like I have been protected by him. I will never talk about him so his name is exposed. I want him to carry on with life and be happy because I know he is very sorry but I will defend my name which is why I shared this. Now people can make up their own minds for the few who might know who I am talking about. At the end of the day, this could have been a nice evening of just kissing & reconnecting. We could have parted ways just as friends or even stay in touch but the night was ruined because his astronomical ego could not take a no. It felt like he lost control even though he reeled himself in in the end. Before this, I distrusted men I didn’t know but this event led me to distrust all men.

I will actually continue going into some details because the third guy is different from the other 2 men because I knew him a bit before all of this went down & I feel like I was forced into silence. For a long time, I gaslighted myself that his behavior was a drunk mistake & miscommunication because I truly could not grasp the fact he behaved like that on purpose. It was not until I communicated with him that I slowly understood it was intentional (even though he was sorry) & it was not until then that my feelings cooled for good because I understood I had been gaslighting myself about his character. I also let him gaslight me about his behavior. This is the only time that a man whom I've known a bit from before who has ever been nasty to me. I am certainly guilty of saying many stupid things after a few drinks when I was younger, but I was never nasty to anyone. If anything I would be over-complimentary & tell a girl she is pretty 5 times if I liked her outfit, I was 10x more social & perhaps guilty of kissing a guy I thought was cute on a night out but that is literally it when it came to my young drunk escapades. I was young… I barely drink or go out anymore & prefer a cozy night in 👵🏻 I understand now that I was gaslighting myself about his character when he told me ”it didn’t matter I wouldn’t sleep with him because he could sleep with any girl in the class” 🚩. To be honest, I would never have shared this if I hadn't heard how he talked about our night… I excused it as a drunk talk/mistake back then but I think it was an insight into his mindset at the time. He clearly did not have a filter because he knew I was leaving the country soon afterward… that is what unnerved me the most all those years, the complete disrespect. I was blindsided by it. His astronomical ego got in the way when things didn't go his way & he started behaving badly. It was not until I got older myself that I truly understood what a shit situation this night was & I was mad at myself for being so forgiving. I also think there are slight cultural differences here, I think swedish women are far less forgiving for this type of behavior. I am not sure though because I think the nail in the coffin was when I asked an acquaintance from his country what she thought of him (without mentioning any of the history I had with him)… she casually told me she thought he was ~sus~ simply because she had noticed he had followed a certain rugby player on social media after a rape trial a few years back. He did not follow any other athletes & only followed this athlete after the trial in an obvious sign of support. The man was cleared of rape but the evidence was super clear how this rugby player & his mates had behaved terribly & they had talked about women in a very disgusting way. A lot of women rightfully took up arms about it after the trial… but he probably saw a bit of himself in this rugby player & wanted to show support. This is when I understood that I clearly missed a few 🚩

Here is the thing, I am not like Vogue Williams who can forgive a man who behaved like a sex-addicted sociopath for 10 years before dating him. I would hold a grudge and question his character? If I was Vogue, I would ask Spencer why he cheated on his ex-girlfriend in her bed? I wouldn’t be able to forgive it even if it didn’t happen to me because behavior like that truly gives me the ick. I get the same ick if a man treats a waitress badly. It matters to me how men treat women in their lives who do not matter to them. I don’t care if a man has ~changed~ for me because deep down it is not who he is. I think it is completely normal to have clashing personalities with an ex, to not agree on things, to have fierce arguments, or to have feelings fade but I am not a woman who will forgive disgusting behavior. I want a man to have a good character from day one, long before I met him. That is why I contacted him, to seek clarity & perhaps confirm my therapist’s suspicion that I was gaslighting myself about his character/behavior. I forgive him & have a certain understanding that we were young but I don’t forgive myself for not letting myself see him for who he was & that it would never have worked for us from day one. He would've driven me nuts. Looking back I am only sorry I was so apologetic to him. Again, I am writing this because for many years I never said a peep but hearing other women share their experiences was healing for me. This man is not a monster, in fact, I think he just didn’t know better at the time. Or he didn't fully understand just how bad his behavior was. This is why we need to have these conversations.

He thinks I have changed my mind over time, but no, I was also young and just trying to cope. Blaming yourself is a coping mechanism, fairly certain several PhDs have been written about it. I am older now and my bs tolerance is lower because I am less naive. Now I understand it only went this far because I was leaving the country shortly afterward. I certainly contemplated just staying quiet forever and let his narrative rule the day but it is not in my nature, I am a fighter. In elementary school I punched a school bully until he got a bloody nose because he was mean to my best friend at the time because she was African-American. He never said a mean word to her or physically attacked her again so guess what, it worked. He had made her life hell before I came to the school from sweden. Our parents were called to the principal's office & everything. When my mom softly tried to tell me that I needed to tell my teacher if someone was being bullied, I yelled back "how am I supposed to do that when I don't speak english yet?" & my mom just rolled her eyes. For the rest of the year this girl and I were as thick as thieves.. she helped me with english & I was her bodyguard on the playground. A perfect bestie for my 7-year-old self. The bully's dad was happy the incident came to light because he didn't know his son was a bully before then. My mom low-key loves this story even though she would never condone violence but she also said she never worried about me because she knew I would always fight back. My grandfather always said I had some viking blood in me lol. I was never bullied during my grade school & high school years so I never had to fight back. I was blessed to be surrounded by kind souls during my school years after that.

Ultimately I was inspired my hero, Dr Ann Olivarius OBE, to use my voice. To not be forced into silence. To share my experiences. Fight back when you have to. Don't be forced into silence.

For a long time I stayed quiet about the third guy but why should I keep completely quiet when he couldn't extend the same favor to me? In my heart, I know he behaved the way he did because he always banked on me keeping quiet & leaving the country, he picked the wrong girl though. This is what made me so sad and angry because to everyone he made it sound like I was just a fast & loose swedish girl willing to jump into bed with him... I know for a fact this is basically what he told a lot of people more or less (we only kissed so we are real clear here because I repeatedly refused anything else). In reality, we bickered half the night about boundaries & he was quite nasty towards me when he didn't get what he wanted. Thankfully I was old enough to stand my ground, a younger girl might give in to such pressure though. We were both in our early 20s but I think he is more mature now and different. I want him to carry on & I will protect his privacy forever because he is very sorry & we have both suffered enough now. Lessons have been learned.

But why share? These situations are more common than you think, often the situations are far worse than what I experienced. I have a friend who was in a much darker place than me because of a man and when I shared my experiences she felt less alone & I helped her pull herself up from the brink. She is beautiful & doing well but she went through some things no woman should. Sharing is healing for women. Not being alone in a situation is healing. The movie It Ends With Us was healing for me. I also think men might think twice about their own behavior (or perhaps be a bit more critical of a mate’s behavior) towards women if you force them to see a female perspective. This is why I shared my experiences but I know many women have far worse experiences than me. The only reason I went into such detail is because I know from experience that my words will be twisted otherwise, this is why this text got so long. From being 17 years old and fighting off a guy twice my size when he tried to lock me into a room at a party, to these other 2 experiences made me lose a bit of hope in men... especially after what the Swedish guy put me through. I regained trust in men after a long time because I met a guy who understood me & gave me time to build trust again. I am not sure what would’ve happened if I never met him, the woman who raised him deserves the Nobel prize.

These 3 situations with the men I mentioned above are from 3 different countries. The situations are of varying degrees of severity but it should help you understand this is a widespread problem. Last but not least, there might be some spelling mistakes in this text because I am unable to disable Swedish auto-correct & can’t be bothered but I think you get the picture.

I know this is very long, it has been on my mind for a long time but I am tired of not having a say about my own narrative. I am not planning to have this post up forever but it will be here for a little while. I will eventually delete it forever when I am ready to do so.

Update: I just saw the documentary about Luis Rubiales & the Spanish national team. His ego & arrogance are very similar to the men I described above… especially how he will admit absolutely no wrongdoing. If there is any takeaway from the documentary is that these types of men will never admit any wrongdoing (big or small)... even when it is caught on camera. I think his arrogant behavior & denial afterward in the documentary annoyed me even more than the kiss.

Last Update: I read through the separate lawsuits filed by Blake Lively & Justin Baldoni. Neither of them come off particularly well in the court documents. I usually don't engage in celebrity warfare but I had no idea this went on behind the scenes and I will probably never see the movie It Ends With Us again because of it.

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samanddeanloveeachothersomuch · 3 years ago

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Why insert romance into one of the only shows that cherish platonic love more?

I talked to a respectful destiel shipper a couple of days ago and while they were completely respectful, there is one thing I can't understand for the life of me. Why does there have to be romance in everything? I am aroace which is probably part of it, but why can't platonic love exist? ( This isn't meant to be a dig at wincest shippers. I am very well aware you guys know the difference between fanon and canon and love the brother/soulmate/best friend/parent or adult child relationship of Sam and Dean just as much as I from a non-shipper point of view do.) Why does everyone have to kiss or have sex? Platonic love does exist and it baffles me that Dean and Cass can't just be friends even with Cass' goodbye scene. I guess I feel like they see romantic love in everything and it irks me a bit. Maybe destiel shippers are young? I'm 15 though so why would that be a factor? Is it more society's fault than anyone else's?

Why is there so much emphasis on romantic/sexual love and not a lot on platonic relationships? The one show that actually puts emphasis on a relationship that is platonic. The one show that has Sam and Dean choose each other over any romantic interest. The one show that has two brothers in a QPR. The one show that has a possible a-spec reading of one or both brothers. (I've only ever seen one for Dean but I'm sure there is one for Sam as well. ("Sex is sex and love is Sam." I love this quote so thank you to whoever wrote that.)) The one show that has Dean waiting for Sam in heaven because heaven isn't perfect without his brother. Why do they watch this show if they want a focus on romantic interests? I just think if they want a show about romance there are other shows available. Especially if you want representation. Why torture themselves when there is nothing there? ( I see the speech at the end as platonic but even if it was not it wouldn't change anything. At the most it's unrequited.)

Not to mention there are problems with wanting it in canon. ( Shipping it in fanon only is a whole other thing but while I'm sure there are destiel shippers who may do this I'm talking about ones who actually wanted it/saw it( from Dean's side) in canon.) The first problem is Dean canonically is straight. Plenty of evidence for that. The second thing is his love for Sam. Canonically they have left love interests and friends for each other. There is no way in canon that Dean doesn't dump Cass at some point even if Dean was bisexual. Dean could be literally any sexuality but if Sam existed and he was ever aware of it Cass would be fed to the wolves. Also, I don't even like Cass ( I'm a Sam-leaning bibro who is still mad at Cass for breaking Sam's wall and rendering Sam's sacrifice in season 5 meaningless by saying yes to Lucifer in season 11 and messing everything up.) but Cass is literally an angel. Angels are jerks and I think they got that from Chuck but they are also warriors meant to be in an army. I don't even like him, but I know it's a disservice to his character.

That being said shoutout to respectful destiel shippers. I can't say I understand but I thank you for being respectful because a lot of destiel shippers (hellers) are not.

#anti-destiel #anti-castiel #anti-cass #anti-cas #thank you respectful destiel shippers #why is romantic love important in a show that doesn't need it #samdean #the epic love story of sam and dean #sam and dean are platonic soulmates

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doped-on-galaxies · 3 years ago

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So I decided to make my last post a little more clear

We're going to put the shippings more in depth.

First off, keepsakes

I dont take the keepsakes very seriously due to the fact that's all they are. They were gifted. Nothing fancy just things that are carried along throughout the series. Though Misty's keepsakes were carried throughout plenty more seasons than Ash and May's ribbon. The ribbon was nothing more than a good luck charm to remind May of how much she learned, same as Ash's lure from Misty was a good luck charm for him 🤭

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Whether these were hints towards shippings or not, these were the only personal ones that had Ash and a female companion alone. Though this can be argued I do personally feel as if Pokeshipping and Amourshipping were hinted in these. Nonetheless May and Iris did not get a cameo poster with Ash alone.

Being saved

If you're going to consider one as a hint, then consider all of these as hints. These characters were simply being saved, and each of the falling scenes have a close up of grabbing each others hands. Let it be noted though, that Misty saving Ash, Serena saving Ash, and May saving Drew were the ONLY times the females saved their *crushes* every other time it's just Ash saving and girl. Yes a few of the girls liked Ash but that carries us into our next topic.

Blushing

Somebody said that "blushing doesn't always mean romance" of course. I get that, but not in these scenarios. Each person blushed due to to a romantic gesture. Whether it's embarrassing someone about possible love letters, accusing one of having feelings, accepting feelings, or simply a romantic moment. They say "Oh well Pokemon can't be romantic due to age" yet last time I checked, there is blushing, rose giving, slow dancing, kissing, and people asking if x has a crush on y. Can they go too far? No, but did they give us an idea on who liked who??? Definitely. As shown even Ash blushed, he just didn't blush very often, but them few counted. I understand that Goh blushes at Ash too though but last time I checked we aren't talking about characters being embarrassed, but I do believe if there is a possibility for there to be a LGBTQ relationship with Ash- Gary and Goh are definitely good representations.

Oh, and yes I am aware Ash was sick in the scene with him and Serena, but Pokemon did a pretty *obvious* job of making it a romantic scene regardless. They didn't have to do all that, but they did. "Some" people seem to forget that there's more to a Pokemon shipping than having to fish out romance out of non-romantic scenes due to their ship just being a healthy friendship at best, but if you're here for the obvious, you can easily tell Pokemon did their best to portray some kind of romance in these scenes. The proof was in the blushing. If you don't feel for someone you don't blush. You argue it out or deny it. We have all been in a scenario as kids and young teens where someone asks if you have feelings for someone, and you brush it off or argue about it because it's simply not true. I promise you my face only got red when I actually had feelings for someone. It's natural instinct, Pokemon knows that too. Take some notes from the Pokemon creators because they knew what they were drawing and what was going to be said in these scenes. Also take a look at the few shippings that had no blushing whatsoever. It's a sign, not an argument.

"Look at how they look at each other"

You know, you're only partially right. Look at how Ash looks at EVERY GIRL. Ooooh wow same expression. Pretty last resort thing to fall back on. Which is why there are other hints that help to make SOME of those expressions actually worth digging in to.

Let's face it, when it comes to ships like Contestshipping and Penguinshipping- there's very few episodes that Drew and Kenny are in, so every second counts. Plus the episodes with Angie, Anabel, and Lucy (towards Brock) they made it very clear within the very few episodes that those girls had feelings. Though I do believe Pearlshipping was partially one sided (I do feel like Dawn liked Ash to an extent only with the way she left Kenny to travel with Ash despite his offer) there was 100% proof Kenny DID have feelings for Dawn and it was easily initiated in the actions he made. Contestshipping was not one sided though. I've learned in my 23 years of watching Pokemon if they don't blush, it's not anything to worry about. Luckily May blushed nearly everytime, and Drew did blush but he didn't always need to. After all he was slinging red roses left and right, and if they were for Beautifly- the last one she received would've never been given to her since Beautifly wasn't even in Battle Frontier at all.

Though I am a Pokeshipper, Amourshipper, and half ass Pearlshipper- I stand as an ally when I say that if you're looking for romantic signs in a shipping you're going to have to find it in the Poke'girls actions. Ash doesn't *look* at one girl specifically different than the other. He literally just looks at them. Though the only person he ever blushed with was for Misty, but that doesn't mean the 2,000,000 hints Serena had are dismissed. After all, like I said before, if Pokemon wanted to create hints, they would, and they did. Those hints were soooo out there, that saying "oh look how Ash looks at her" is gonna leave us asking "who?" Because let's face it he looks at all of them pretty normal. That being said there are still hints Ash had. Being jealous of Misty's potential crushes, showing he was attracted to other women, running up to Serena when he was sick and falling into her arms, and looking at Serena when she kissed him and doing nothing but smile, when normally Ash would probably freak the fuck out.

That being said I hope I made myself clear on how to spot a close-to-canon shipping. It's okay to ship people who have litte to no proof of real romance, but don't say a ship with real proof has none. That is where you are wrong.

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stilldancewithyou · 3 years ago

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tsitp

I'll preface my "criticism" by saying that i expected this show to be a corny and cringey mess and i was sure i wouldn't get through a full episode. But here i am, pleasantly surprised that i watched the season in almost one sitting! This show was easily one of the most satisfying viewing experience i've had all year. I can't wait for season 2

::SPOILERS ahead:::

I don't really have any issues with the show but...

I would have loved to see more clips of jeremiah and conrad's relationship.

It would have been great if they showed longer clips of of old conrad's personality and Belly in the flashbacks so we could have had a better idea of how different conrad had become

Belly was wild this summer. It was not a good look for her to be hopping from brother to brother.

Jeremiah and Belly's relationship exudes best friend energy. Jelly seems very unnatural. I don't know what they could have done differently to make it seem less like Jeremiah was acting out of jealousy of his older bro and Belly just wanted to have a fisher boy date her

I did not care about laurel and cleveland's relationship...at all. Certainly didnt need to see a sex scene from them

I don't think i like Taylor

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! first, I'm gonna be that annoying person and say I highly recommend reading the books if you haven't already. They explain so much and give you all the little flashbacks the show left out, and there's some chapters from the Fisher brothers' POVs in books 2 and 3 so you get to fully understand them. now that that's out of the way:

I agree with you 110% on everything. They definitely should have shown more flashbacks. It was weird for them to just be like "conrad's so different" and expect the audience to just understand what was happening. And to add to what you said, they should have shown more of Conrad & Jere and also Conrad, Jere, and Steven's friendship (which is one of my personal critiques). I wanted to see more flashbacks of them as kids, teasing Belly and excluding her from things and more of their friendship in present time. Hopefully next season they will take the time to add a few more flashbacks so we can see how their relationships have changed over time.

Yeah, Belly was wild. I didn't like how serious she got with Jeremiah bc the way she jumped between them was not a good look. If it makes you feel better, in the actual first book, she didn't play them like that. It was weird bc they tried to make her seem a little more mature and aware of things than in the books but then she was kissing the brothers back to back. Book Belly is one of the most realistic sixteen year old girl voices I've ever read and even though she was super naive, immature, and a little annoying/bratty, she knew what she wanted and that was Conrad. so they definitely did her a disservice making her seem so indecisive.

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS. I'm so glad i'm not the only one who thought Jelly felt weirdly unnatural. I loved their little moments together for the most part, but all their scenes and their chemistry felt more like best friends to me too, something was just off about their romantic chemistry. The way they showed his jealousy made him look like a jerk and idk either what would have made it better...it just needed to be toned down a little I guess. also, Jeremiah had way more chemistry with Taylor and I kinda wish they had explored that.

That sex scene was so uncalled for! and I wasn't a huge fan of them either...I didn't feel their chemistry I guess and I thought it was nice to see Laurel getting over her divorce and dating but it was weird how important they made Cleveland cause it seemed like just a fling type of energy to me. Laurel deserves to play the field a little. I def think they could have spent a little less time on them and put that time towards more flashbacks.

Taylor is even worse at first in the books but she gets a lot better as she grows. she has good intentions, like her heart is in the right place, but she just annoyed me. and it pissed me off that she kinda made Belly feel bad for still wanting Conrad even when Conrad was FINALLY starting to admit he has feelings for her. and when she teamed up with Jeremiah to get Belly to choose him I was screaming.

#tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty spoilers #tsitp spoilers #tsitp ask game #tsitp unpopular opinions and critiques #belly conklin #conrad fisher #jeremiah fisher

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thequeenofsastiel · 3 years ago

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KinnPorsche Episode 9 Review-The greatness continues

I REALLY liked this episode. Which is unusual because I find conflict the least pleasant part of a show. But this was really moving in a way that I don't usually find in conflict. It's usually contrived bullshit that can be solved in a single conversation, as I said in an earlier post. But this...this made so much sense and felt like it absolutely belonged in this story. Kinn's ex being used against him is very easily something that could be done by an enemy, and Porsche is reckless enough to follow Kinn without Kinn being aware of it. So Kinn, with all the suspicion training, is convinced that Porsche is betraying him. Despite everything. It's awful, and it makes perfect sense.

They did a great job at making me feel how distressed Porsche was by Tawan's behavior. I could feel it slowly driving him mad. But he was incredibly composed. I'd never have anticipated that from him back in ep 1.

I find Vegas so absolutely fascinating. He'll do something fucked up like try and rape Porsche, but treats the people who work for him with kindness and respect. Whereas Kinn screams at and abuses his bodyguards. Though not the staff, which I appreciate. I'm not sure if Vegas showed up to talk to Porsche in order to set him up. I could see it going down that way. Vegas is frighteningly good at seeming sincere and kind. I know he's done fucked up things, but even I can't help but fall under his spell, which is odd, because I'm in general good at seeing right through a guy if he's an asshole, and I can't do that with Vegas sometimes. So I want to feel like Vegas actually likes Porsche, despite all the evidence that he's using him.

I was thinking about what I enjoy about sex scenes and what I find odd about hating them. There are some who, understandably, given many of societies attitudes about sex, think that there's no reason to have sex scenes ever. But I disagree.

To me, sexual interactions are some of the most beautiful parts of life. It's generally pleasure, fun, and emotional connection. Some of my best memories are of sex I've had.

Whereas violence and death is one of the worst parts. And I've never been able to square looking at something as lovely as consensual sex and saying it's gross and unnecessary then look at brutal torture and death and say that it's completely okay for this horrifying thing to be depicted. It just baffles me.

The point of that is that I really love Porsche and Kinn's sex scenes. Mile and Apo have incredible chemistry, and every time they're together they exude desire all over the place. And it's sweet, the way they have fun with each other and are a little kinky. It's a beautiful part of their relationship, and I'm glad we're able to witness it. And you know what? If it turns you on, that's fine. Don't force yourself to watch this completely out of touch with desire, if you don't want to. There's nothing wrong with it, and I will die on that hill. Obviously I'm not saying you have to, not everyone experiences sexual desire. But if you do, I promise it's okay to experience that. Don't make yourself feel bad about it, no matter how many people sneer and call it fetish. As long as you don't harass actors.

I enjoyed Vegas and Pete and their interaction. I like that they set up that Pete was religious in ep 7, to make his reaction to Vegas's religious behavior make perfect sense. Of course it's going to soften him, and it feels realistic. Faith is often a very important part of someone's life, and finding out that one has the same faith as you can be intoxicating. I look forward to seeing how things develop between them. I anticipate it being pretty damn dark. And I honestly don't mind. I've accepted the darkness of this show and am letting myself enjoy it.

Porchay and Kim getting together was ABSOLUTELY adorable. I really didn't expect Kim to kiss Porchay, I thought he'd let him down easy because of how young he is. I feel a little weird about it since he's what my society considers underage, but it was very chaste, which is good.

10/10

Not a single part of this episode did I dislike.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche episode 9 #kinnporsche review #my reviews #NO book spoilers

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jediken0bi · 4 years ago

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Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid imagines #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid #reader insert #fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds imagine

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