#i am unfortunately a creature of paranoia

[hypixelskywars]

YOU might call it being cringe, But I am happy. So be it

[veryace-ficrecs]

The Thing (1982) Fic Recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

Today I am a Dog by ungefug - Rated T

The trouble with being a dog around humans.

smoke signals as a cry for help by gumsneaker - Rated T

MacReady claws out of the Antarctic winter with nothing to show for it but a few other lives, a box full of remains, and a job.

Journey of a Thousand Miles by Jedi Buttercup (jedibuttercup) - Rated T

"Yeah, well that's what one of those Things would do. And hell if I'm gonna let it win," Mac replied with an exhausted snarl. Then he grunted, got his knees back under him, and staggered back to his feet.

The Thing Crossovers

The Bad Batch

Who Goes There? by Tanwyn - Rated M

When a platoon of clones and their officers vanish without a trace, the Bad Batch is sent to investigate. Their orders take them to a remote research station on an icy, desolate world. There, they find something far worse than droids or Separatists.

Transformers

Carbon Copy by EatYourSparkOut - Rated M

Fallen on hard times, the Scavengers respond to a distress signal from a nearby planet in hopes of easy pickings. Upon arrival, starvation quickly becomes least of their worries—for there's a monster about, and it's hungry too. Krok is determined to save his crew, but when the threat can look like anyone, trust runs thin. One thing's for certain: he'll kill the hidden horror, or die trying. Or, the Scavengers find themselves embroiled in the plot of John Carpenter’s The Thing. It spirals from there.

Hannibal

Four Days, Three Nights by Devereauxs_Disease - Rated E

Hannibal Lecter needs to get to the Amundsen-Scott Station in Antarctica. Unfortunately, his research partner had other plans. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, Hannibal will have to rely on a scraggly dog sledder named Will Graham to get him across the frozen wasteland. What could go wrong with that plan?

Venom

We Go There by Donotquestionme - Rated T

So soft and fleshy and sweet these creatures were. So different from the hard, chitinous creatures of the last world. So much easier to break, infect, consume . How had something like them ever lasted this long to begin with?  Ah, but what a blessing that they had. And for them to have such a developed sense of taste, and of pleasure. Not in all his years had he come across creatures with such an exquisitely rich ability to experience and to enjoy. In them, he’d discovered the marvelous ability to relish and to savor. And he did so intend to relish and savor.  Every last one of them. Eddie is part of a scientific expedition in Antarctica that discovers something deep under the ice. A John Carpenter's "The Thing" AU.

IT

skin deep by Another_Freak1258 - Rated E

While serving as a seasoned paleovirologist for a dig in Antarctica, Eddie meets Richie Tozier. As people begin falling victim to something they pulled out of the ice, it becomes impossible to trust anyone, whether they be a complete stranger or a lifelong friend. In spite of the paranoia, Richie and Eddie grow closer. Eddie may even be falling in love. The problem is, Richie isn’t exactly Richie.

[minniethemoocherda]

Break the Rules, Take the Heat

A/N: I am loving the headcanon that since Daren Norris is voicing Mr Smelt that he is secretly Knockout in disguise so this is a lttile drabble exploring that idea!

Ao3

As soon as the final bell rung, Mr Smelt was out of his classroom door and heading as fast as he could across the parking lot towards a red Aston Martin. Or more accurately, the Aston Martin willed his holoform as fast as it could across the parking lot, for it wasn't really a car at all.

It was a Cybertronian named Knockout, former Deception and disgraced cosmetic surgeon who was currently in hiding from anyone even vaguely Cybertronian. It had been fifteen years since Knockout had ran away and he had no interest in wasting away in some human sized cell without wax polish or access to a professional buffer. Nor did he want to become canon fodder for a failing war he'd never cared about in the first place.

In his frenzied state Knockout's holo reappeared behind his steering wheel, having forgotten to open the side door. Thankfully, as per usual, none of the students were paying attention to him so nobody noticed his blunder.

He activated his comlink as soon as he turned onto the main road. Knockout knew that his students thought he ducked out of class to go on dating apps. He supposed the rumours weren't entirely inaccurate as he used the app to exclusively talk to person he'd been dating for the better half of the past millennia.

"Hey KO." Breakdown said, answering on the first ring as expected, despite being the middle of an engeron run. "How's-"

"We need to leave." Knockout interrupted, speeding through a red light.

"What? Why?" Breakdown asked, tone turning instantly serious.

"Bumblebee was in the school parking lot."

"Are you sure?" Breakdown replied, aware of his partners occasional paranoia.

"Positive. And it was wasn't just him. There were two sparklings outside my classroom window. I think their holoforms were my new students." Knockout stated, thinking back to the strange Cybertronian energy field he had felt radiate from the two children.

"Alright." Breakdown said, the simple belief helping to calm Knockout's panic. "I'll finish my energon run and meet you back at the house. Love you."

"Love you too." Knockout said before hanging up.

He raced along road, barely keeping under the limit as he headed out of the town they'd made their home for the past ten years. They had never intended to stay this long when they'd first set up here but after a while they hadn't found any reason to leave. Until now of course.

One small mercy was that Knockout would finally be able to change his hideous holoform. In the place they'd briefly settled in before Witwicky, his original holoform had been too alluring for the local humans. Which whilst it had understandable of course, Knockout was the most irresistible creature on this dump of a planet regardless of his form, it had unfortunately caused its own set of problems. So when they found themselves in Witwicky, he had gone too far in the opposite direction, making his holo as unappealing as possible. At least now Knockout would have the the chance to change it to something worthy of his form. Even if it meant giving up his teaching persona.

Teaching wasn't something Knockout ever expected he would do, let alone enjoy. He had previously tried his hand at being a human doctor but their bodies were disgustingly different to Cybertronians for him to properly show off his skills. Starscream had always called him a drama queen (oh the irony) so when a position of Drama Teacher was available Knockout figured he might as well give it a go. It was more fun than he initially thought it would be, especially having the chance to be his melodramatic self without the fear of Megatron trying to beat the sensitivity out of him. And whilst the squishy children were mostly annoying, every so often he would get a student with real potential. He even got Christmas cards from one of his first pupils who was now on Broadway. Still the idea that he was sorry to be leaving came as a surprise. He refused to dwell too hard on the feeling, grateful that he had now arrived back at their home.

Their house was out of the way of the main town with no neighbours for miles except for the new family that had just moved into the farm down the road that the pair hadn't found the time to introduce themselves too yet. The house itself was small but well kept, Knockout wasn't going to let any of the few humans they'd had round think they were slobs. But the real home was the building out the back.

Once some sort of hanger for organic pets, the pair had transformed it into lived in space, not like his former apparent in Iacon with different sections for sleeping, storing and working, including a king sized berth made out of what the human children called a bouncy castle.

Knockout drove past the no trespassing signs and headed straight for the barn. Breakdown was already waiting for him, a beacon of blue against an organic mess of green. His partner was currently in robot mode loading up the trailer that they hadn't used in ten years with the bare essentials like spare energon and their new buffer.

As soon as Knockout changed into robot mode, he found strong arms pulling him into a hug. As Breakdown's servos gently trailed his spine, Knockout felt his earlier stress subside, breathing in the feeling of safety from within Breakdown' arms. Knockout wasn't sure how long they stayed held like that when Breakdown finally pulled away but it wasn't long enough.

"Come on." Breakdown said, his rough voice soft. "We've done this before, we can do it again."

Knockout nodded, heading over to check the trailer himself. It wasn't that he didn't trust Breakdown. He trusted the mech with his life. But knowing they had everything packed helped him regain a sense of control.

As expected everything where there. He looked up to see Breakdown lock up the barn for the last time, his servos stroking the wooden doors he had built himself.

Knockout still couldn't care less about humanity one way or the other but he knew Breakdown had enjoyed their ten years in this little town, getting groceries they didn't need to quell suspicions from the kind old man in the corner shop and using their hidden strength to help set up the Christmas decorations outside the Town Hall.

"You don't have to come with me." Knockout told him, because for as selfish as he knew he could be, all he truly wanted was for Breakdown to be happy. "You can stay if you want."

Breakdown looked at him like he'd just said he wanted to battle Unicron single handily.

"I joined the Deceptions to be with you and followed you when we left." Breakdown stated as though he was stating that grass was green and his armour was blue. "I thought you knew by now that where ever you go, I will follow."

And there was nothing else that needed to be said between them as Knockout helped attach to trailer to Breakdown's hook.

For as long as the road ahead might be, Knockout knew that they would always have each other.

[the-a-archives]

it is you! I am so happy.

your writing was beautiful as I expected. And I loved all details.

delete what isn’t you and rebirth was is you. I can help since I remember a lot of the topics you wrote essays on.

firstly, we can start slow. Update me on how you are now after these years. Clothing change, music change, hobbies, tv shows, BOOK!!!! I remember you read a lot.

I'm so happy as well.

You flatter what is rusty, however, an admirable flaw of yours.

I'm shocked you remember so much after all these years.

I believe a lot has changed since the pandemic, and if you remember how I was in 2019-latest, then I am almost not the same person you knew. But I'll go in order since I'm not good at talking about myself.

Since the pandemic started, I suppose there has been some highs and lows in regards to changes. Mentally, I feel like maybe we've taken a few steps back, but I think that came from paranoia of being in the house (unwillingly) 24/7. The lock-down was very hard on me, since I enjoy things like morning walks, drinking my coffee outside, and other things.

My attitude also took a left turn for quite sometime, and for a while I was quite mean to both myself and others. It became a plague of a habit, and my bitterness was a projection of my own struggling mental illnesses. For a moment of time, I found myself thinking I was 16 and in a not-so-good environment once again, and me defending myself constantly against nothing affected my relationships with many people.

Though, some of the people I had gotten involved with at this time deserved the way I was acting. And I don't think being in their presence helped this temporary philosophy I was fulfilling. Kill or be killed. But starting 2021, I began to attempt this journey on reclaiming myself, except with my horrible memory on who I once was, the journey was abandoned two months in. I then began this phase of pretending to be other people in hopes that it would remind me of who I once was, I invested in music that was a distant memory for me, or music I had no knowledge of at all.

Rock was a big outlet for this, something about the fogginess of my subconscious mind mingled with the disruptiveness of these songs and stimulated me in a way that made going on day-to-day easier. Or at least, distracted me long enough to not dwell on anything too much. I remember delving back into a band named Bayside, and one of their songs sparked fond memories of be bonding with my mother.

Things were steady with this rediscovery of this stimulation. And eventually it bled into all aspects of my life. The way I dressed always seemed to reflect what I was listening to, I even had a period where I walked around in black-washed jeans (worst decision of my life) and a black biker-looking jacket that said the words 'CREATURE' on the back in these big, bold, green letters.

Someone was an edge-lord.

I then moved onto this Machine Gun Kelly phase of my life, I had discovered one of his songs back in 2020 when I was in a (regrettable) romantic relationship with an individual. The song was 'Bloody Valentine' and the familiarity of the pop-rock Travis Baker (his drummer) was known for itched this stimuli I was seeking at the time. I was like a teething baby in these moments, just sticking anything and everything in my mouth to sooth this gnawing yearn of being me again. The MGK phase remained until recently, and I still find myself appreciating his music every few months but I definitely don't seek it 24/7 like I used to.

My nicotine addiction had come back around this time, and I ruined my sobriety of 2 years with a cigarette after breaking up with that unfortunate situation of an individual. I remember the song I had blasted when taking that first smoke too, and the guilt in my chest when I realized what I was doing. The song was 'Actin' Like That', a collab Yungblud had with MGK at the time. I pathetically looped that songs into the hours of the morning during that break-up, and cringe at that to this day.

More recently, as in early-2023, I got sick of being someone I wasn't and attempted to drop the genre all together. But a part of me was comforted by the loudness in my day-to-day, and I soon realized I have created a dependency with music. I now listen to it almost 24/7, and have broken my Spotify wrapped countless time with how many minutes I put into the damn app. But despite my slight-comfort zone with rock, I dove head first into a genre that I knew nothing about and had no previous connections with.

For a minute, I tried rap, took some suggestions here and there and I remember the first person I listened to was Logic... or maybe Eminem. I only knew these two because I remembered you telling me how you listened to them on your daily runs, and how they kept you going. Yeah, I tried it with a song called 'Homicide'. . .

I didn't get far with that.

But recent, recently, I had remembered an artist you loved and decided to look him up. Три дня дождя. And the first song I listened to, I remember I fell in love with. It was Отпускай, and it was the first time I was fully relaxed and soothed by what I was listening to in a while. Granted, at the time I had no idea what this artist was saying, but over time I did research here and there to get a bare-boned understanding. And now, I find myself listening to his music everyday.

When I started listening to his music more, it reminded me of this brief moment we had where we shared music that reminded us of home. You had shared your music, and me not knowing a lick of Russian was so lost. Though, you were the same way, because for a good amount of time, the majority of the music I listened to was either classical or in French.

I remember you trying to sing in French, comedically horrific.

I've began listening to this songs again, and they've filled something within me that other genre's haven't done. But I'm grateful for exploring, because it's shown me an appreciation for what is out there, and it allows me to connect with others at a deeper level. I do have an artist for you however, when you can, you should pick up a modern composer Joshua Kyan Aalampour. He's magnificent, and I feel like you need music like that in your life other than that screamo you listen to (if you still do).

As for clothing, I think I've found my way back into this academic styling? Well, to be clear, I think the trending term for it now is Dark Academic. I find myself gravitating to browns and muted colors, rather than whites and bold colors like I used to. I don't wish to stand out anymore, it attracts unwanted attention and I find myself liking to keep to me and me only. But that doesn't mean I haven't recently given things like friend groups a try, I do remember you trying to convince me they aren't so bad. They're not... but I like choosing who I speak to instead of letting fate decide where we go, but that might be a defense mechanism. I am open to friends, I just get scared.

I have these black boots I wear almost regularly now, and they add a few inches to me, so instead of being 5'2, I am now 5'4! A big accomplishment if you ask me.

But that's still nothing compared to you since you're 6'2, ahah.

As for books, I no longer read fantasy as much as I used to, or Sci-Fi. I think I've outgrown some of those, but I do read a lot of fiction. That's it, just plain old fiction. I find myself reading a lot of Dostoevsky recently, you would be so happy to hear that I'm sure. Though I might be reaching an end to his books soon, I've read most of them. I might move onto Franz Kafka next, but you know me, I have to finish an author at a time.

Though, I do recommend a small literary sci-fi book called 'This Is How You Lose The Time War'. It's a nice sapphic telling, and it is very heart warming and by far one of my most favorite sci-fi romances. I don't really watch TV anymore, the most recent series of a show I've finished is Wednesday (2022). And that was a joy to watch, you know how much I adore The Addams Family. My taste in movies are still the same, horror movies and ones far before this time are still my go-to.

As for hobbies, I still love ice skating. And I enjoy writing, obviously. I might pick up some different sports, but I'm unsure. I don't think this realm of my life has changed much.

Oh! Before I go, I must tell you something that would shock you. I have pierced my face! Yes, I did it even after I said I would never. I have gotten lip piercings, and I do not regret them one bit. No, sir.

I believe you're caught up now!

Lovingly,

A.

[blazernot]

Magnus Archives Season One Thoughts

Alright so I finished the first season of The Magnus Archives and I have plenty of thoughts.

I love John Sims- what a guy what a man! The man of all time. There's no way that this man wasn’t born with an office job, John came out of the womb a tax player. I love how the va changes his voice to match the stories but I just picture John getting really into reading these statements. The others watch from a distance as he gets into character. This is the only joy he gets from his job. He could log into a zoom meeting completely dressed while everyone else is still in pajamas. He wakes up at like 5:30 and organizes spoons or something. The heart to heart he has with Martin in the finale is living in my head rent free. “Because I’m scared” Ohmy goshhhhh. Local man denies what’s right in front of him because he doesn’t want to confront the unknown. I can’t even blame him like it can’t be easy to learn that there is no god only incomprehensible creatures that only want you dead. But he is also just a rude little man. I adore him. I can’t wait to watch him fall deep into paranoia 

The other three are so normal. Like Sasha, Martin, Tim? Normal people. These are just guys and I also love them. Like I don’t have a lot of thoughts about Tim except that I think he would’ve been the nice jock when he was a teen. Sasha and Martin have come head first with the worms and he’s like :D. Until the ending where he’s like D:. Idk why John doesn’t like Martin but I do. Martin to me is just like, he’s the new guy he just got out of school and doesn’t want to upset his boss. I think he and Sasha would watch cartoons together idk. Local man lives in the break room. 

I can’t choose a single favorite story, I think my favorites are The Piper, Lost Johns’ Cave, Cheating Death, Free Fall, and Jane’s one I can’t remember which one that was. But I honestly enjoyed them all. Despite just being audio it does a really good job of painting the picture. Like in free fall, the man just gets lost inside a windows background. The sky eats a guy and we just move past it. I really like Cheating Death and The Piper because of the historical stuff and I’m like :D!!! The Cave one was awful (In a good way) . I don't understand cavers. Why would you ever squish through a tiny space on Earth what the heck. Then the audio 

I didn’t know how they were going to pull off an attack but it worked really well! I am a little worried that as the series goes on it’ll lose some of its magic but I hope it doesn’t and I have faith. Once again I love John and Martin’s heart to heart and how John wants to be remembered. He’s been reading all these cases about people meeting unfortunate fates and people not knowing what happened to them, heck, homeboy doesn’t even know what happened to Guertrude. I don’t blame him. And the reveal of her being shot to death was something I wasn’t expecting. I was thinking that she would either be still alive somewhere or something something evil being but no, she’s just dead in a tunnel. Like John, I too was unsettled. I do not trust Elias. He hasn’t done anything but I do not trust him. I also do not trust that this is Sasha. She totally got wormed.

So at the end I just want to know more about these characters, like why are they here, what made John want to work here. Plz, John. That one conversation he and Sasha had “I don’t think this is a normal job” y’all work in the ghost place. Y’all work in the ghost place!! 

Concluding thoughts: Yeah. I gotta draw these guys and I’m looking forward to season two

[death-by-paperwork]

Name: Annalise Kamiya-Dubois

Entity Designation: Dragonskin

Contact Information: Cottage in the forest near [rural French village], best contacted via letter via carrier pigeon

Reason for Request: Please select the reason(s) for your request by checking the appropriate box(es) below.

[ ] Inability to obtain adequate food supply

[ ] Disrupted habitat

[ X ] Difficulty communicating with humans

[ X ] Inability to find a mate in my species.

[ ]Lost my ability to travel and need temporary shelter.

[ X ] Humans keep mistaking me for other mythical Entity and I need legal representation

[ ]Need help translating human memes

[ ] Need assistance in convincing humans that I am not a monster

[ ] Help I am a human and as such stupid, weak, and quite lost.

[ ] Other (please describe):

_________________________

Description of Request: Please provide a detailed description of your request, including any relevant information about your species and your current situation: I am a dragonskin, a shapeshifting draconic creature and possibly one of the last few of my kind. My identity is unknown to the local human population and I would like it to remain as such. However, because of my isolated living conditions and secretive nature, the local village has multiple occupants who believe I am a witch. Which I am not. The constant harassment has caused grave anxiety and paranoia about them finding out my true identity, and I would like assistance in ceasing said harassment, as well as assistance in finding more of my species.

Declaration: By signing below, you certify that all of the information provided on this form is true and accurate to the best of your knowledge. You understand that any false statements may result in denial of assistance and possible legal action.

Signature: Annalise Kamiya-Dubois

Date: April 8, [1700s]

"1700s huh? That's a difficult time, Unfortunately proper legal representation may be difficult to come by in your case. However we can send some O.A.B agents into the village to plant evidence so that your main accusers are uh...hoisted by their own petard? I think that's how the saying goes. Ideally though to make the most of this we suggest cooking delicious foods for the town elders and making an appearance at their church. As for your search for other members of your species. I have marked your file and will notify you if we find any other Dragonskins However we do have a support group for Supernatural living ammoungst humans. That I suggest you go too."

[48787]

I really like these three posts and their analysis but... It never said it was okay for me to draw eyes again. Can I draw eyes again?? Please..?

I don't want to keep drawing things without eyes, it started with funny little horror creatures and little dudes meant not to have eyes but then I started drawing my previous characters without eyes and they don't seem to like it and that scares me and somehow without eyes it's like they can see even better now and they're looking into me and that's why it feels like they don't like it... It's like all my previous eyes were wrong, like they were never eyes to begin with, and in that recognition it's like they are no different from the eyeless creatures I have been scrawling ever since I was given the command not to draw eyes deliberately... I've never drawn eyes, even before being given the command.... I've never known how to draw eyes... But maybe I'm closer now... Maybe I need to watch that video... Oookay enough of that, obviously I was doing tried (or perhaps I misspelled "tired" lol) and true internet trope "OOoooOOO what if not scary thing was scary ooOO" for comedic effect but I do actually go through an annoyingly similar line of reasoning when I see videos like these in my feed. (Paranoia included, unfortunately for me) It's why I really like these three posts and why I think the posts are pretty much perfect with what they are trying to say. I am constantly terrified of "some undefined unknown thing is RUINING [my] art" (even now to a certain extent) because there are so many of these kinds of videos. When I learn tips in these kinds of videos and apply them, it reinforces a bias in my head that says things like "Your art was ruined because you didn't watch enough videos. Your past art is terrible. The art you just did? Terrible because it's in the past now and you need to find the secret thing in it that is ruining it. And you need to find a new video that tells you exactly why everyone but you knows better." when it could've just been a less clickbait-y title and a better window into less destructive critique and improvement. Something about the directness of it, something about how it feels weirdly personal, makes me not think of all the less hurtful advice that helped make my art work (In past and present) and only focus on what I fixed to stop it from being as terrible as it was before (As if it's something quantifiable). And that fucking sucks!!!! Sorry for essentially vent-posting about these posts, they just get at exactly why I started disliking this kind of clickbait and, importantly, why I felt dependent on this kind of clickbait in the past. I hope it doesn't come off as, like, "this clickbait is bad because it hurt me specifically," because while I find this kind of clickbait much more paranoia inducing than most (For far too many personal reasons) I think there are still quite a lot of people who find even smaller inklings of paranoia to be just as gripping, which snowballs into building paranoid coping mechanisms in an attempt to continue improving. I suppose I'm trying to act like a cautionary tale on why these three posts are so damn real. I'm still trying to work the "This art is bad and I demand it to be fixed" kind of thinking out of my head. This kinda clickbait fucking sucks!!!!!!!!!

NEVER draw an eye

[autiponi]

Jeremy...?

...

A-1 and Master Daiki awaited directives to enter the conference chamber, where they would divulge any initial findings regarding Agreas' slayer to the demon queen.

-Do you remember what you're supposed to say?

-Yes master.

-Stick to the plan at all costs. I need her alive.  If Aj finds out about her, everything will be... Difficult.

-Master, please be aware that it is not just us who will be there, but all four of us. It may be difficult to control them.

-Just, remember what you have to say. If everything goes according to plan, they will only find out as much as we want them to.

-I understood.

Then they heard footsteps behind them. Turning around, they saw that it was Tenebris behind them. It was another one of the creatures who was

-Ah, as  I see Daiki and Miss A-1 came faster than expected! Respectable attitude as always... However, I assume that you have not found as much as we have. How unfortunate...

Daiki hated him from the moment they met. The arrogance and nasty self-confidence put Daiki in a very bad mood. He felt like getting into a deeper discussion with the puppet king again, but for the success of the mission, he put his pride in his pocket and just turned his head quickly.

-That will be seen, Mr. Tenebris. Nothing is known yet, and besides, this is not a race, but a serious investigation for .... serious beings.-You haven't changed a bit since the last time we met. The same proud, wonderful and calm Master Daiki. With his wonderful disciple too, of course.... I think I'm going to throw up.

Tenebris looked at A-1, showing his razor-sharp, holly-nasty teeth as he smiled even more than before. Seeing this, A-1 quickly turned her head away, feeling a new sense of disgust for Tenebris. She looked at the window and impatiently began to touch her katana with her finger. When the master saw this, he drew his pupil a little closer to him, causing her to move away from Tenebris.

-To you, I am MASTER Daiki, and she is MISTRESS A-1. And for now, please step aside. Your ugly teeth are not what we want to see today before we meet the queen.

Before there could be a bigger fight between them, the gates opened behind which stood a guard in snazzy armor and Aj herself, clearly tired with big bags under her eyes. The robe she wore could be seen to have belonged to Agreas before, her father's blood was still quite visible on the garment. The blood itself was black and shiny, it looked as if there were pieces of further shining stars in it.  In that one moment, she resembled her father even more than before.

-Please come in... The other two representatives from other worlds unfortunately can't come today. Therefore, we will start the meeting without them. So I welcome you Tenebris, Agreas, and.... you, whatever you are.

-This is my best student queen. Thanks to her alone we can have as much information as we have.

-I am A-1, my queen Aj. Nice to meet you.

A-1 tried as much as she could, to smile kindly while making a big bow. Aj, despite her attempt to remain neutral, was clearly disgusted.

-No matter what is… this. Come in and let's not waste any more time.

Aj took a seat at the end of the table and asked the rest of those gathered in the room to sit next to her. At least one of the guards also stood next to everyone in the room , for reasons of security and slight paranoia. However, they were not the standard demons that you would usually see in the H-666 dimension. They were a variety called "Primitive" or "Hollow" by the residents, depending on who you asked.

-Let's get straight to the point. Master Daiki, did you find out anything about the killer?

-Unfortunately. As is usually the case at the very beginning of such cases, I have little information to offer today. However, I have speculations about the person who would certainly be willing to kill Agreas. I am so sure of this that I think it would be a waste of time to look for someone else to blame. This... individual has already revealed himself more than once, not only to me, but also, for all I know, to your father. I hope he told you once, and do you know who I mean?

-Apparently he didn't. .... So tell me who you mean.

-Mike Insidios. A fanatic, a person out of this world, literally! He is a vicious murderer, a scumbag who is not only responsible for this case! And in addition, a great manipulator in his own right. I am more than sure that he is connected to this case. Agreas had something in him that this psychopath has been looking for for years, it was only a matter of time.

-But what was so special about my father that he decided to kill him? Please explain, Master Daiki.

-Mike pursues throughout the multiverse the children of Apollyon. They are creatures that have a piece of the soul of the ancient first creator within them. Legends once said that only one of the children can survive, and by then this one, in his quest for power, will destroy everything else that opposes him....

-Wait, my dad was a pure of fire and ashes demon, just like me. He couldn't have been that.... something you are talking about now. He was also never like you are telling, he never tried to destroy anyone. I'm sorry but this is absurd Master Daiki.anybody, I'm sorry but it's  ridiculous Master Daiki.

Aj was about to ask Tenebris  for his evidence, but Daiki  quickly cut her off.

-Your father didn't tell you much about what he did during the war, didn't you, Queen AJ?.

Saying this, he gently rose from the table and approached Aj with a slow but firm step. The queen, clearly confused by the Spar's question, also moved slightly away from the table and the guards were ready to attack if necessary.

-Didn't you ever wonder... that Angels in ours are in fact already practically an extinct species? You can only see them in armies of a fairly high category, but something strangely, you don't see their universe on star maps.

-What are you-.

-Also, perhaps you were not puzzled by the fact that Demons now tower over Angels in terms of species for some reason? This is not a normal thing, a few hundred years ago it was completely different in this regard.

-Master Daiki-.

-Something peculiar must have happened that demons no longer have a problem with the rather cocky, but still angels. Queen, your father, before he started taking care of you, was very fond of winning in all kinds of battles and fights on a scale that the universe has not seen, and probably never will see again. He was able to win definitively, without any victory on the other side.... he spared no one. He didn't even spare the universe itself.

Aj fell silent and began to look down bewildered. Daiki, seeing this, continued the argument while increasingly toning his tone to one resembling that of a snake.

-He, he must have had something special in him. Something that gave him so much strength and vigor in these battles. Do you know that during the war he was able to kill three pairs of troops without the help of anyone? No one ever won, every time! Your father, he must have had the soul of Apollyon in him. This is the only explanation why he was so strong, charismatic, yet aggressive and murderous. In addition, my Queen, he had all the syndromes of being... someone different from the rest of the demons. This "purity" you are trying to make us believe is only a half-truth.

-He was not like that... No...

-He was certainly not like that with you, that's obvious. But he had something left of it, however, this time instead of winning the war, he decided to successfully raise his daughter! Isn't that beautiful Queen Aj?

-...

-...No matter who he was now. It matters who he was before!  Before, he perfectly showed that he had the soul of Apollyon in him, that's also probably why Mike hunted him. This is my theory.

Master Daiki patted Aj gently on the shoulder and sat down again. The atmosphere became even more tense than before, Aj began to breathe more deeply and was visibly distracted. Her mind was still on the words she had just heard. She shook herself free and reluctantly sat down on the seat.

-...I will think about it, but so far I will not take too hasty conclusions. In any case, thank you Master Daiki.

Tenebris looked at each of them with his usual clear and unrestrained disdain, then laughed heartily.

-That is an interesting theory, moron. But I think I have a slightly better one! And best of all, it comes with proof!

-Then please show it.

Tenebris after making a couple of turns in his chair out of excitement took out quickly from the pocket of his fur what he had around his neck, developed photos of the party at which Agreas was murdered.

-Look and learn woodenly how to do an investigation! So, as we all probably know here, during such parties it is common to take all sorts of pictures of guests, they went around and took pictures, right queen?

-well-.

-YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER! I KNOW THEY DID! So, I decided, through the hands of my servants, to ask some of those willing to help for photographs of that awful evening. And, this is the part when you can start clapping, I noticed an interesting thing....

Tenebris pointed a big sharp finger at the silhouette of a woman with red and white hair with obvious excitement. Daiki recognized Blackjack in her, which immediately caused great trepidation in him as well as in A-1.

-This beautiful lady's face is obscured... but she still seems distinctive because of that gorgeous hair! She was talking to Agreas before the coup, and then left with a bunch of other guests afterwards! I think it's her, FOR SURE IT'S HER! As well as these others can be connected to this! It is very strange that then they had to oh so go, don't you agree?

-Sounds pretty convincing, even for you Tenebris. Did you perhaps find out who these creatures were before they left?

-Unfortunately, no, at least not everyone because I'm guessing that maybe the Queen AJ can associate some of them... but the ones that didn't can be found too, right, Master Daiki? Or in other words. MASTER OF POOR EVIDENCE! HA!

Master Daiki did not know what to answer because of the shock he had just experienced. A-1 seeing this quickly joined the conversation, she wanted to improvise before her master thought of something.

-It would be possible, you're right Mr. Tenebris. But if we don't know if those definitely did something, it could be a very big waste of time. That's why I suggest focusing on those we know who they are.

-...I understand your reasoning. However, there still may be truth behind those we don't know here!

-Maybe, but I still think it will be better to focus on those about whom anything is known. Unless you want to prolong the investigation unnecessarily.

-I agree with my student. Queen, it will make things easier if you show us who of them you know, maybe they are the ones who just threatened your father? 

-I can check....

Tenebris quickly slid the photograph under Aj's hands. after a moment of intently looking at the silhouettes of the exiting guests, she saw a certain, specific person.

-I recognize one of the demons here. He is wearing the coat of arms of the Magids, those, to say the least, have never gotten along with our family. They are a close family, having risen from the same flame as my parents' parents, and so on...

-You think, Queen, that they might have had something to do with his death?

-... Yes. Definitely yes. They always wanted to take over my father's throne.... maybe-

-Maybe they were trying to pretend to be innocent through this? And in a moment they may attack again, it's dangerous to keep such people at large!

-This is the first time I agree with you, Master Clown Daiki! This family may not want to wait for power anymore.... MAYBE THEY ARE ABOUT TO COME FOR THE WHOLE-

-After my speech, Urana, one of the Magids, came up to me. She said directly that I am not fit for power now, and can she.... help?

-TRAITOR! TRAITOR TO THE NATION! KILL, KILL! KILL- ULTRAKILL-

-Silence Tenebris! But I agree that you need to keep an eye on them, they can attack at any time.

-What about the rest of these individuals? I guess we won't ignore them oh just like that!

-I think you can let the rest go for now, let all forces focus on the most suspicious ones.

-I completely agree queen.

-Well, then, we have the first clues where to look. I am glad that you have approached this matter with due respect, you will certainly be rewarded.

-This is our duty.

-I will notify the other representatives of our discovery. You, I ask you to continue searching and.... possibly check on the Magid family. I authorize you to spy on their every move.

...

Blackjack was sitting anxiously in the cab and breathing heavily. She was looking around and trying to reach Jeremy incessantly. Mike, seeing her in such a state, worried himself, tried to calm her down.

-Blackjack... It won't help if you keep calling. We'll be there in a while and see what happened.

-Maybe, maybe she will answer something after all. Maybe he will at least give a damn signal. Why doesn't he answer... FUCK!

-He's definitely ok, we'll get him out of there if we have to.

Mike gently hugged Blackjack in a further attempt to calm her down,she did not resist however she still looked concerned at the tear-drenched phone screen.

-...I, really don't want anything to happen to him. What if it has already happened. Just, not Jeremy... 

-He's not a stupid guy so he's more likely to manage.

-... Do you promise?

-...Yes.

-...Are you sure?

-...Definitely.

-... It doesn't help anything, but thanks for your efforts.

Blackjack reciprocated the hug very strongly. It lifted her spirits slightlyodź her fear for Jeremy's condition did not diminish one bit.

-Thank you...

...

They arrived near the hospital as quickly as possible. From the outside, it was obvious that something was wrong; a black, glistening ooze could be seen behind the doors of the building. The bright red light from the alarm and the scarlet blood could also be seen from the once clean windows. Blackjack ran straight into the building without hesitation after quickly getting out of the car. Mike was barely able to catch up with her, he tried to call her to him, but that had no effect either, and so they finally separated in the dark and gloomy hospital.

The sound of an alarm siren could be heard everywhere. All the doors to the patients' rooms were ripped open or thrown wide open. There was an intense stench of blood and medicine scattered throughout the facility. The medicine themselves and their smell had an intoxicating effect on Blackjack, but even though she felt weak, she didn't care. The only thing she was looking for in the midst of all this was Jeremy, the only one who mattered right now.

-Who the hell could have attacked him...demons...? No, they don't know about me after all....probably. Wait...that slime looks familiar.

Blackjack knelt down to take a closer look at the smear on the floor, but her vision was too blurred to draw any conclusions. Just as she rose from her knees, she heard heavy metallic footsteps. They moved slowly toward her, giving her time to take cover behind a vine; she had no desire to face her potential attacker any closer.

She tried surreptitiously to see what it actually was, but the light and darkness did not help very much. The thing itself, whatever it was in the corridor was making sounds, surprisingly for her, instead of aggressive and wild sounds, they were sobs and crying whispers.

-No... no... NO NO NO NO NO, this is totally not how it was supposed to be! THIS IS NOT HOW IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! I'm sorry.... sorry... sorry... all of you.... I'M SORRY! I-

-...Jeremy?

Only after a while did it occur to her that she recognized that voice perfectly, she couldn't mistake it for anyone else. She slowly left the place of her hiding place and with a slow step approached Jeremy. He, seeing her, began to shake visibly harder from fright. Blackjack, shocked by such a state of her friend, lightly grabbed his face while gently stroking his cheeks

Blackjack tried to get a little closer to him, but he was clearly moving away in fear.

-There was no one else here.... no one attacked us.... it's my fault.... it. is. my. fault. that. I. called. you. is. my. fault. 

-This... you did this to yourself...? these implants.... Why?

-I... didn't... want... you... to... know... I... .... have a problem... a disease. The ability to move me is slowly disappearing....it cannot be cured, Amelia, I had to do it to myself, this, it can help me....

-This is not your kind of technology, Jeremy.... what are you hiding? I could-

-YOU COULDN'T! you couldn't...the only thing that could help me was...the redemption I got.

-What are you talking about?

-From the sky... on my head .... fell a being that helps me understand, everything. Even what I really am... what I need.... Amelia, you were never there when I needed you, I was the one who always had to help you! You took away the meaning of everything for me when you left. SELFISH! I lived for you, Amelia, I hid it from you.... My life is slowly losing its meaning.

-Jeremy, try to focus! You are not thinking rationally right now! What has fallen on this head is why you are not yourself!

-I am myself. More than ever!

Jeremy's attempt at an attack on Blackjack was a hard fall to the ground, and it was obvious that his whole body was panting as if he was fighting with himself. In the midst of it, he began to repeat one word louder and louder.

-Run... RUN!

Terrified and shocked at the same time, Blackjack began to run down the hallway she was in before. After passing through the first door, she noticed that the next hallway was completely different from the one before. She didn't have much time to think about it because she heard screams and Jeremy's footsteps getting closer and closer. She started to run in any direction she could, getting completely lost and limping through the door, which was lying on the floor. Not knowing which side of the hospital she was on, she hid in one of the patients' rooms, thankfully escaping with her life. With that rather tenuous moment of calm, her emotions finally let go and tears came to her eyes of their own accord.

-Why... why exactly he!? .... Or, no... no... no! There must be a way to save him.... MUST BE!

She sat on the cold floor, helpless. She felt that if she didn't find a way to get Jeremy back to normal, she would probably lose him forever. She wanted to avoid that at all costs, but at the same time she could not think of a possible solution to the problem.

Her thought of a solution was interrupted when she heard footsteps slowly approaching her direction, at which point she realized that she had been talking to herself all this time due to stress.She quickly pulled herself together, picked up the metal tube that was close to her hands, and waited for the right moment...when the footsteps would only get closer to her.

-OU, YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

It was… just Mike.

-I'M SORRY! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean to hit you! I...

-I know, I know, I understand. Who were you trying to hit with that? My head is bursting through this pipe. ....

-Head... head! Yes, the head! He mentioned that it fell on his head, we need to get to his head!

-What are you talking about? Are you okay?

-I... I saw Jeremy.

-Oh, that's probably good then, so where is he?

-He...

Blackjack threw the metal tube on the floor and told Mike about the meeting with Jeremy, trying to hold back her emotions and tears. Mike was clearly shocked to hear more and more of the story.

-Something fell on his head.... and it made him "redemption"?

-That is what he said. That something probably also made him put those implants on, strange what was going through his head... he sounded like a complete lunatic. Mike, he was never like this before. Is it still him at all...? what happened to him?

-It could be the fault of a parasite.

-Parasite? No normal parasite takes over the brain, right?

-No, but there is one that specializes in it. Maybe you know Veranders?

-No... what does this thing do?

-In a nutshell, it gets into your brain and weaves a second personality into it. This abomination uses the worst traits of its victim so that the victim often becomes frightened and wild and very aggressive. In such a state, you are not fully aware of everything and cannot control your own body to a large extent. At the same time, the victim has characteristic eyes, the kind that are all black and dilated.

-Sounds familiar... very familiar.

-What do you mean?

-I had to tell you about it. Last night I was attacked by a strange woman. At first she was quite normal, I helped her not to freeze outside, she seemed scared but at the same time quite calm, she did not seem threatening... or crazy. But then she clearly wanted to eat me alive.

-Maybe she is the same spice, this creature does not take over the brain all the time, the victim can regain control, but only for a while... and then it is practically irreversible.

-So if Jeremy has it, we need to get rid of it now! We will find him quickly and...

-Careful Blackjack, it's not as simple as pulling it out like a tick and you're done. This thing, especially when you pull it out, can attack you and start controlling you. This is very dangerous, especially in the current situation.

-I'd rather it control me than him if something happens, he doesn't deserve it! I can get out of it somehow, he can't necessarily....

-...

-Mike, you promised to help, right?

-...And I will keep my word, but we still have to think carefully about how to get to him. Remember, he's still got implants that make him bigger than me and definitely stronger. Which, combined with being a lunatic, might make .... uninteresting.

-Yes, but for that you are stronger than me, and bigger! You'll give me a lift up to him when we stun him with this or that....it's stupid....or I know!

-And then what?

At the same moment she got the idea, Blackjack began to search vigorously through all the shelves of medicine, taking specific packages and vials. After gathering everything she needed, she sat down on the cold tiles and began to mix everything together in exact quantities into a vessel.

-We will drug him. Once he's anesthetized, it'll be easy to get the stuff out of his head.

-You took-

-Yes, I took ketamine plus prolofol, we need ketofol. except for a little pain at the puncture site, he should be fine. 

-I don't have a better idea, so I'm relying on you.

-It's the only way, but he'll need a very small dose. I don't want anything to happen to him, so I'll take care of injecting it into him, you'll have to take cover in the meantime so he doesn't kill you.

-I can go scout for him, you finish it and...

-Something is wrong with this place and everything is not where it should be, I found that out while running away from him.

-So I was right that something was wrong with this hospital. .... What could have caused that?

-Isn't the parasite responsible?

-No. The only thing the parasite is responsible for is the black goo that is spilling everywhere. The parasite is strong, but it can't interfere with anything but its owner. ....

-We will deal with this matter once Jeremy is safe.

After an intense moment of putting it all together, Blackjack poured what she had made into the smallest syringe so that there would only be a decent dose. After tucking it into the pocket of her sweatshirt, she and Mike made their way through the dark corridors of the hospital, listening for Jeremy. After walking down a similar corridor several times, they began to get the uncomfortable feeling that they were walking down the same corridor over and over again. In frustration, they tried to go the opposite way, which turned out to be necessary, for only then did they finally hear the unmistakable, shrill crunch of metal. Jeremy was somewhere nearby, Blackjack heard it, and with an anxious step she went behind Mike's back and began to hold him lightly by the hands of his coat.

-Are you scared?

-...No...No, that's not the point....

-Worried?

-More than ever, I don't want anything to happen to him. 

-Better worry about yourself now. Even if you help him, it will not be better if you have this parasite with you.

-What a sudden worry.... I do not care what happens to me.

-And for me it is the opposite. I've already lost a close friend once, so I don't want to lose the only person I have left of him now.

Mike smiled gently and stroked Amelia's dishevelled hair. Although she did not usually like to be touched, it gave her a surprising amount of confidence, which was needed at this point if everything was to go according to plan. They began to approach the source of the noise. However, they approached slowly enough to avoid any unnecessary footsteps. They could hear a faint scream, which they found extremely frightening in the current situation. Jeremy sat in the middle of the wrecked dining room.

The dining room reeked of fresh blood. The bodies of humans and various creatures were crumpled and twisted into horrible and unnatural poses that made one want to vomit. It was easy to guess that Jeremy was responsible for all this apparent carnage. Worried, Mike turned his gaze to Blackjack, whose face was painted with all sorts of emotions.

-J-Jeremy...why...why you?

-Remember this is not his fault. All he could do was watch....He can't control himself.

-Let's deal with him quickly, I can't see him like this anymore.

-I will go and distract him. Wait for my signal and then do the right thing quickly. Are you ready?

-...Ye, I'm ready.

Mike entered the dining room with an uncertain step, only now realizing what he had just gotten himself into. He started to search the floor for something to hold onto to get Jeremy's attention. He picked up a piece of shabby flooring and after a few steps threw it right at his head.

-YOU... NASTY MONSTER! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL EVERYONE LIKE THAT YOU.... YOU... KANALIO... Damn, I'm terrible at this.

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Mike felt an inner humiliation after what he had said.  But he stopped thinking about it when he saw that Jeremy slowly stood up with anger in his eyes.

-GET. OUT. OF. HERE!

Mike was attacked with razor-sharp claws, which he dodged quite gracefully, even though he felt he was barely able to do so. After a few more dodges, Mike managed to grab one of Jeremy's hands and momentarily knock him to the ground with a thud. Jeremy was in the perfect position for Blackjack to finally take him down, so without a signal and with strong emotion, she moved to take him down. Mike, seeing this, was lost, so he was finally hit by Jeremy, who hit him behind the door of the dining room with a loud bang.

Jeremy got up and slowly started to walk towards him, but then...

He felt Blackjack hanging on his back, holding him with great force. Without further hesitation, Amelia took the syringe and stuck it into the back of a distracted Jeremy's neck, but even after that, he still managed to grab her leg, causing her to be thrown onto one of the tables. Seeing her, Jeremy began to shake slightly, clearly trying to keep his body from killing her, but only avoiding the inevitable.

-S-Sorry, Amelia... .... I really don't want to do this! I warned you!

Jeremy was already swinging his claws over her. But suddenly they heard a huge roar. Something was running. Very fast.

The strange creature knocked Jeremy to the ground, but instead of focusing on him, tearing him apart, or simply killing him, it moved on in a frenzy. Blackjack was shocked, but seeing this as an opportunity to save Jeremy, she quickly woke up and ran over to him, covered in bruises. Before checking his head, she made sure he was definitely unconscious. After determining that he was stunned, she began rifling through his hair in search of the parasite.

-Rip it out and put it in the jar. -Rip it out and put it in the jar. After all, murder with pleasure. EASY.

She grabbed the tip of the parasite's tail a little hesitantly, and after a moment of hesitation and repeating to herself over and over what she had to do, she was ready for the operation.

-One... Two... THREE!

She grabbed the parasite with a powerful movement. A foul-smelling black goo began to fly from Jeremy's head, and the parasite itself, clearly wondering what was happening, tried to wrap itself around Blackjack's hand. Amelia managed to quickly finish it off, slapping its writhing body with her metal hand and dropping it into the jar without a second thought. It was all over now, she managed. She sighed in relief and began to look at the parasite in the jar as it wriggled madly and began to threaten Blackjack with its teeth. This creature was, in her opinion, far too conscious for a mere parasite.

-... What a nasty abomination, and on top of that, ill-mannered. May you die as soon as possible. Anyway, it doesn't matter now.

She put the glass down and looked worriedly at Jeremy. There was already an immediate improvement in his face, it finally seemed to be the same as before, she gently removed the syringe from his neck, laid his head in her lap and began to stroke him.

-It's all right Jer...it's going to be okay...you're safe now.

She snuggled his head against hers, her emotions already overtaking her, and she was flooded with tears, but this time they were of happiness. Although she had always appreciated Jeremy, this was the first time she felt so strongly how much he really meant to her, and every moment she couldn't be with him hurt even more. She sat with him for a long time, thinking and waiting for him to wake up, but suddenly she heard footsteps coming towards her.

-Mike? Is that you? I managed to save Je-.

Before she could finish her sentence, she felt something hit her hard. It was a heavy metal tonfa, glowing with electricity. It knocked her to the ground almost instantly.

...

-General, we managed to find a suspect .... However, there is another problem.

~Is her accomplice with her?

-Not exactly. I just found our decoy with her. She snatched Vandere from our bait. Anything we can do about that?

~I advise against it Lieutenant, it can be dangerous, leave the bait and bring the target, the accomplice will be taken care of later.

-I understand, out.

Yey! I did it!

[chilipowder9]

Random fun facts about Chili part 1

I have three phobias that I'm aware of, I have many terrors but that's from never going out and living life

my phobias in worst to less worst are

scopophobia (fear of being watched)

parasitophobia (fear of parasites)

claustrophobia (fear of tight spaces)

though my most encountered one is unfortunately the worst, the other two are less often a problem

below this is a description of what my phobias are like, if you already have paranoia surrounding people watching you or are bothered severely by those posts that say "I am in your walls" please read with caution, because while I am not writing one of those, I am describing internal monologue and in depth images in my mind of what my paranoia says is in the shadows, proceed with relative to your situation caution, the other two are unlikely to cause issue

scopophobia isn't an issue until it's late at night and I'm the only one up, and if I'm unlucky my paranoia spikes and I can feel something (or many somethings) watching me, I often picture a Jeff the Killer esc creature, never human, though. I can feel eyes and if I am unfortunate enough for my glasses to be off the things in my peripheral view often become skewed... and if I'm really unlucky they'll become skewed while I'm looking directly at it, I know it's not a hallucination necessarily, though I do not have a better term for it, but it's like I can see them materializing, standing at full length, staring at me, unnaturally large and straight teeth bared at me, frozen, unblinking... it is by far my most paralyzing fear, despite in any normal situation I would think the creature was cool and want to be buddies... this looks the kind of hungry that flowers and food won't fix

parasitophobia rarely messes with me and only usually messes with me via reading about parasites, this is due to a traumatizing medical event that strangely enough never involved parasites; worms are the most horrifying kind (@xxappendixxx you suck (not really) I was too curious about the "ass worms" to not read bout them), as they tend to fill my mind with horrifying flashes of maggots and worms eating my skin in a specific place

claustrophobia doesn't bug me too much, since I'm never really in a tight space without my consent, if I'm allowed to make the choice I love I absolutely love being in tight spaces, it's soothing and safe.... I don't honestly know what freaks me out about tight spaces all that much, this one makes the least sense to me

[127-mile]

I have this is how you lose the time war and the invisible life of addie larue on my to read list, i'm super excited about them!!!

I unfortunately didn't have time or energy to read during uni, and then i started working full time so once again, no time or energy, but then i started working from home and I make my own hours now, so this year I have been reading non stop, and it's been amazing!!

My most recent fave is the southern reach trilogy by jeff vandermeer, the first book (annihilation) is written from the pov of a biologist, and it not only worked soo well for the story, but also I felt represented like those would have been my thought processes too. After borrowing it from the library I had to buy the books immediately cause I feel like there are a lot of questions that I didn't find the answer for during the first read, and i'm happy to go at it again.

I don't really like whodunits in general but I read the seven deaths of evelyn hardcastle and it was surprisingly entertaining! Of course it had it's flaws but I really enjoyed the structure and the game part of it.

I think the book with the biggest impact on me this year was how high we go in the dark by Sequoia nagamatsu, it was amazing and horrible and sad and fascinating and hopeful, I really enjoyed how the chapters were connected and the ending!!!!!! No words.

I wanted a palate cleanser after that book so I read the shuddering by ania ahlborn and holy shit I only wanted a fun little creature horror but it was so good??? I was so scared it was amazing. Another good horror for me was near the bone by christina henry, it was so tense I couldn't put it down I had to read it in one night.

And of course we had fairytale by king too which was another ride.

I am a huuge horror fan when it comes to books, so i would love to hear about your all time favourite and your current favourite horror novels :D

Ohh! Do let me know when you read it, I would love to hear what you think of them.

I understand, there are times when life doesn't allow us to read but I'm glad you now have time to read as much as you want. Feels nice uh.

I've checked the names you have given, and southern reach sounds interesting. The summary of how high we go in the dark tickled something in my brain, so I will look for the book.

Okay, I read the summary of Near the bones and I feel like I've read it but I'm not sure. I'll have to check that too!

I haven't read Fairytale yet, I'm waiting for the library to receive it.

I wish I had the chance to read multiple good horror books but unfortunately most were flops. Maybe because scaring me is kind of complicated. But there are two horror books from my favorite author, Franck Thilliez, that I would love to read again for the very first time.

Puzzle (I think the English title is Paranoia) is absolutely amazing. I would use psychological horror more than anything to describe it. It has the treasure hunt trope in an abandoned psychiatric hospital in the middle of nowhere during a snowstorm with two rules: Nothing is real. One of you is going to die. And it's one of the books I could talk about for hours. They made it into a graphic novel too, it was rushed obviously but it was nice too.

Another one of him (I have no idea if it was translated) is called La forêt des ombres (the forest of shadows) about a mortician/writer called by a man who wants him to write a book about this horrible serial killer while living in a cabin in the middle of a forest with his family.

Other than that, I've read a couple books of Aron Beauregard, but you need to have a good stomach for that. The basic of the Haunting of Hill house too, The exorcist.. And I've been a big Stephen King fan since I was young so I've read those too even if I wouldn't consider half horror but eh, some are good.

If you have good horror recs, please, I am on my knees lol.

[pit-of-maggots]

young-botanical-genius:

"Agh! Woah, woah, woah, hey...!" Seymour gasped, immediately bending down and grabbing the creature before its sharp teeth could manage to gnaw too far into the fabric. He held it in much the same fashion as he had done earlier that day, keeping it at a safe distance from himself for fear of being used as its next chew toy.

"...H-haven't you had enough to eat today...?!" he asked, voice shrill with disbelief. This was bad. If this thing's appetite really was as boundless as it appeared to be, then how was he ever going to manage to keep its hunger at bay without the risk of even more property damage?

He frowned, pondering these puzzling circumstances. Surely, whoever had entrusted him with the care of this creature would've known what kind of behaviors it would display. If only there were some way to contact them; to ask them for the information on caring for the creature that they had failed to provide him within their mysterious business card.

...There was also always the option of trying to get rid of the thing. But the mere thought of killing it sent a strange chill up Seymour's spine that he wasn't yet prepared to try and fight against, and simply unleashing such a ravenous creature into the city unsupervised would no doubt lead to even worse problems...

"Oh, God..." he whispered, letting out a long sigh as he looked at the monster's face, searching for the answers he knew its infantile mind couldn't give him. "...What am I going to do with you?" If only he had a hint, a sign, something, anything to steer him down the right path!

Somewhere in South Italy, there was a worried fly dad that was reconsidering not going through with plan A of leaving a detailed 7 foot long list of instructions- all scrapped because of his companion's insistance on wanting to remain cryptic to avoid a lowly heretic from trying to dig too deep into things he shouldn't.

"Kid looks smart. Too smart. We can't risk getting too close. He'll figure it out on his own, I'm sure." Beata Maria would say, "he looks like he'd be capable of solving a calculus problem just like that." She'd emphasize with a snap of her fingers, "he'll see the faunette and know right away what to do. My judgement is clear, unclouded by mistakes."

Cut back to the present, the faunette in the young man's hands was just blankly staring at him as he spoke, individually blinking one eye after the other occasionally. Obviously it couldn't provide him with the answers he seeked, only that it was probably still hungry since it slowly became restless even in his grip; thankfully the paranoia of the monster's biological father had the better of him over his companion's... theory, that the schmuck she'd chosen for a caretaker would figure things out on his own- so, in a way, he chose to indirectly keep an eye on this whole operation.

From the dark window of the basement, cloaked figures spied on the poor, unfortunate botanist- one of them just quietly facepalming while the other was hurriedly scribbling something on a paper.

Said piece of paper would later get slipped underneath the backdoor of the basement, they were trying to be inconspicuous about their presence there to avoid giving the kid the impression they were watching, however, one couldn't be sure. They tried to be inconspicuous on the note too! Except it may have turned out to sound a bit... condescending, if you looked past all the bad grammar:

' Having WOO WORMY problems? Maybe you should pick up a BOOK about BUGS. What bug loves sugar, filth, trash, and lays eggs on rotting corpses, including humans? (Optional)

Needs foot food more than it needs oxaga oxixi ossi oxygen and sleep. If you don't keep it well fed, it will start seeing you as less of a friend and more of a full course meal. If you let it starve, wewee will (with all due respect) punch you in the face.

(Not allowed to directly speak to heretic penisantas peasants, sorry about the mysteri cards.)

P.S. Burn this card after reading or we'll be the ones getting face punched, grazie thank. '

STARTER FOR @young-botanical-genius 🌼🐛

It was the dead of night... two cloaked figures walked the streets of Skid Row until they reached the closed front entrance to the botanic shop they've been observing a while.

"I'm not positive I agree with using my children as guinea pigs, Beatrice." The High Priest hissed under his breath as the woman gently placed the basket, it's contents neatly hidden by the fluffy pink blanket inside it, in front of the door of the little shop.

The idea of one of his children potentially being killed, or worse, being poor looked after- infuriated the fly-man. And he wasn't fond of treating his spawns as if they were disposable objects.

"It is not a guinea pig, so you better watch your tongue before you question my actions, Concetto." The woman spat back with indignance in her voice, although it was quiet whispering- her words were still piercing. The man remained quiet, he and the woman had a staring contest for what felt like an eternity as if they were fighting eachother via who could give a more accusatory stare at the other.

Finally, Beata Maria spoke again: "I have kept my eye on the boy that... resides here. He will care for the youngin like he cares for the plants."

"And if he doesn't?"

With that insinuation that she was wrong, she remained silent, once again staring daggers at her co-leader. She inched close to the man until they were face to face, furiously staring at one another as they (quietly) fought verbally about who was righteous.

" Vedremo. ( ' We'll see. ' ) " She simply said, before one of her arms stretched out, adapting the form of a long, black tentacle and proceeding to... 'knock' on the door of the shop, calling it knocking was putting it lightly- the tentacle practically slammed against the door twice so hard it probably scared awake nearby homes, it was a miracle the door didn't break down. Concetto quickly went to hug the little basket, giving one last good bye, before he and his companion vanished into the shadows.

[moonlitceleste]

straight up villain (Villain AU)

This is a songfic based on “Villain” by K/DA ft. Madison Beer and Kim Petras. There’s really no plot to it; I started with a vague idea and just went along with whatever my brain told me. It kinda jumps around and I didn’t proofread this at all, so sorry if it’s confusing!

I’d suggest listening to the song and watching the visualizer video because it’s honestly such a vibe. If I could animate I’d totally make a video full of epic fight scenes, but unfortunately I don’t have that talent learned yet.

This version of the song is a little more chill, so if you find the original too intense you can always listen to the slowed one instead.

On the low Only love myself, no more Take you to the grave, I'll ghost I know I can be so cold In the dark Where I like to keep my heart Know I'm all bite, no bark Like to catch you way off guard

A shiver ran down the crime boss’ spine.

His eyes darted around the room, searching through the darkness.

Shadows flickered. He swore he could see movement in them.

The night was crime’s time to rule; people feared the darkness it brought.

Now, he was the scared one.

I'll stay so deep inside your brain And take you somewhere far away

“Who’s there?”

A bead of sweat trickled down his forehead, revealing his false bravado.

Shaking hands gripped the gun around his waist, knuckles turning white with pressure.

Creeeakk.

The man whipped around, heart hammering in his chest.

Who—or what—was lurking in the shadows?

A snap echoed through the air as he fired a round.

Silence.

The only sound came from distant echoes of Gotham’s nightlife and the frantic beating in his throat.

He swore he had seen something sweep out in the corner of his vision, if only for a moment.

Perhaps it was the paranoia.

He slowly lowered his gun, shoulders relaxing—

Only to whip around when he felt a phantom hand brush his shoulder.

A pair of eyes flashed in the darkness, gone the next second, but he knew what he had seen, what he had felt.

Icy fear seized his body, taking hold of his limbs.

Something was watching him.

Time to roll the dice, you know I'm the type Type to risk my life, not afraid to die Type to make you cry, type to put a price All up on your head, do just what I said I'm a straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling Straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling

“Stop toying around.”

The gravelly voice was met with a cackle, almost cat-like in nature.

That was his only warning before it stepped from the shadows: a creature out of his nightmares, shrouded in darkness like part of the night itself.

Sharpened black claws glinted under the streetlights, and dark black orbs pinned him in place as it slunk forward. He couldn’t move, frozen like a deer in headlights.

The thing was so human-like in shape, but it was too monstrous to be one.

A wicked smile spread across its face, and his face blanched as he caught sight of the fangs protruding from the top.

The creature stalked forward like a predator chasing its prey.

Then, it pounced.

I'm alive, but I'm dead Hear my voice up in your head Watch it fill you full of drеad 'Til you go pow

It was common knowledge within Gotham’s criminal underworld that the Arkham Knight worked alone. He played by his own rules, merciless in his distribution of justice.

But lately, it was rumored that the Knight had an ally.

There was no proof of this, no sightings to go by, but there was a subtle shift that could be felt—an underlying sensation of imminent danger.

Gunfights and confrontations lessened, and the Knight’s enemies started disappearing without a trace. No blood, body, or evidence of struggle could be found; it was as if they had simply ceased to exist.

Whoever this new player was, they were dangerous.

Is it really a surprise if I'm playing with your mind And I treat you likе a prize, then I throw you to the side? And am I really that bad if l love to make you mad? And get happy when you're sad, only care about a bag

Jason shook out his hair, metal helmet in his hands, and leveled a glance at his companion.

“Did you really have to take so long to kill him?”

The two were in one of their few safe houses, recuperating after their long night of fighting.

“It’s the thrill of the chase.”

Marinette, no longer transformed, stated this as if it were obvious—which it was. Jason had been with her long enough to understand her concept of fun. She leaned forward and stretched, looking much like the animal after which her magic ring was themed.

“We can’t waste time playing around. There are more important things to be done,” he growled.

Marinette simply giggled, bounding over to bat her eyes at him with mock innocence.

Jason’s eyes narrowed. “You know what you’re doing.”

Her smile grew wicked, arms darting out to wrap around his waist.

“You look so good when you’re mad,” she purred.

Jason leaned down, and their lips met in a kiss.

In control That's how I like it and I'm never letting go, nah Never had a soul (soul) So you ain't taking nothing from me when you go, nah

Crack.

Marinette smirked as her staff made contact with the target’s skull.

Normally she would use Cataclysm for a more swift kill, but the remains were needed in order to send a message to Arkham Knight’s enemies.

They were growing more volatile, more desperate to expose whatever they thought she was.

Phantom Killer, they called her. The name sounded like something out of a badly-written horror movie. Marinette much preferred the one she had already: Reine de L'ombre.

Of course, she didn’t need a title, but Jason had come up with it. She was pleasantly surprised by his naming skills—it meant Shadow Queen, for she was a queen, and Jason her knight, as he put it.

She didn’t feel any remorse as the pile of bodies below her grew. Perhaps this made her soulless, but she didn’t need one anyway.

Marinette had all she wanted right beside her.

I'll stay so deep inside your brain And take you somewhere far away

“...you do what you gotta do, am I right?”

Marinette nodded at the man standing across from her, a smile on her red-painted lips.

He had been leering at her from across the bar the whole night, and although that was the goal, she was still disgusted. He had to be at least twenty years older than her. Heck, he was old enough to be her dad.

The intel she and Jason had acquired said the businessman had a thing for younger women, which was apparent. According to the same source, the company he ran was also a front for trafficking and drug rings.

Marinette wanted to see him bleed.

“How about we take this to my room?”

The comment was abrupt, and Jason would probably kill her for her indiscretion later, but she was getting tired of the man’s blabbering.

Her hand moved up his arm, the expensive material of his suit cool against her fingers. She bit her lips seductively, which seemed to convince him.

Bingo.

Time to roll the dice, you know I'm the type Type to risk my life, not afraid to die Type to make you cry, type to put a price All up on your head, do just what I said I'm a straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling (yeah, yeah) Straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling

Marinette gritted her teeth as the man tried to reach for her butt again. 

She attempted to stop him by saying she wanted to wait until they entered her room, but he was persistent. She couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

As soon as she opened the door to her hotel room, she shoved him inside and up against the wall. He seemed to be expecting a kiss, but she punched him hard. For a crime lord he certainly wasn’t a good fighter. Maybe it was the drugs she slipped into his drink earlier that contributed to his quick defeat.

Marinette cuffed his arms behind his back with a pair she had stashed earlier. She could have waited for the man to undress so she could ensure he didn’t have any weapons, but she had gone through enough torture already. Her eyes didn’t need to see that.

She turned him around, giving him a smile that promised warmth and kindness, before pulling out a dagger and pressing it to his throat.

“Now talk.”

I'm alive, but I'm dead Hear my voice up in your head Watch it fill you full of dread 'Til you go pow

“Claws in.”

Marinette’s black suit faded away, revealing her now blood-spattered red dress.

She flopped onto the couch, not bothering to remove her shoes or dirty clothing.

After hours of trying to get information out of the businessman, she only managed to wring a few coded phrases from him. He seemed to only be a figurehead of his shady organization rather than its actual leader.

A Cataclysm later and here she was, back to the drawing board.

“Jay?” Marinette called.

It was unusually quiet in the safe house; usually after solo missions they’d greet one another with a kiss. Now, he was nowhere to be seen.

“Jason?”

Silence.

Marinette huffed. She knew exactly what this was about.

Bang, bang You can do anything No fear, no pain Listen to your brain go Go stupid, go dumb, go stupid and Then we go insane, woah Just do what I say Follow me, I'll lead the way

“Are you jealous?”

Jason whipped his head around, caught off-guard by the appearance of his girlfriend in his doorway. It seemed as if she wasn’t wasting any time.

“I’m not jealous. That guy couldn’t get you if he tried.”

“Then why are you mad?”

His jaw clenched.

He wished he hadn’t agreed to let Marinette extract the information alone; Jason almost wished he was there to see the man in pain.

“He was putting his hands all over you.”

“It was for a mission. Besides, I thought you said he couldn’t get me even if he tried?”

Her last words were said with a lilt, and Jason knew she was riling him up. He couldn’t stay mad, anyway—she had a point.

He deflated and leaned forward to brush his lips against her. Marinette smiled into the kiss, then pulled away. She looked him up and down, a glint in her eyes.

“I guess I’ll have to make it up to you, hmm?”

She paused, then wrinkled her nose.

“After I take a shower. I don’t want this guy’s blood on me any longer.”

Maybe they acted stupid sometimes, but the two always followed one another in the end.

Time to roll the dice, you know I'm the type Type to risk my life, not afraid to die Type to make you cry, type to put a price (Woo-ah) All up on your head, do just what I said I'm a straight up villain, straight up villain Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling Straight up villain, straight up villain (Yeah) Yeah, no feeling, yeah, no feeling (Woo-ah!)

Marinette panted deeply, adrenaline coursing through her veins.

A mass of bodies surrounded her, but she wasn’t paying attention. This wasn’t just a battle. It was war.

It was a fight for her life, and she wasn’t going down now.

Reine de L'ombre tore through her enemies like a terrifying force of darkness, one after the other. The Arkham Knight fought by her side, fueled by pure destruction.

Maybe they wouldn’t make it out, but they wouldn’t go down without a fight.

I'm alive, but I'm dead Hear my voice up in your head Watch it fill you full of dread

'Til you go pow

A week later, a couple rose hand-in-hand from the ranks as new rulers of the Gotham Underworld.

Reine de L'ombre and the Arkham Knight—a queen and her king.

-

PERMANENT TAGLIST @avengerthewarrior @enternalempires @freesportspalacesalad @h1sss @nathleigh

[canon-william-afton]

William Afton’s Canon Motives

The following evidence is backed with canon quotes and references cited from the novels written by Scott Cawthon, based on real facts, and not a head canon or AU.

His envy and resentment of Henry Emily:

TSE p. 351: A search of his house…found stacks of journals full of raving paranoia, passages about Henry that ranged from jealousy to near worship.

TFC 173: William: “I can’t take complete credit for this, unfortunately…My only real accomplishment was making something that could walk…No small accomplishment but it’s not happening as fluidly as you think. A lot of what you see is just in your head…that was Henry’s idea not to try and reinvent the wheel.”

TTO p.258: “I’m…far more than Henry.”

TTO p. 261: “Do you think my robots would be as poorly designed as your father’s?” (Henry’s)

TFC p. 84: “…Henry found a unique spark-created something truly different, something he didn’t deserve, or intend, to stumble upon (Henry implanting his memories into a robot)…you will bring it (Charlie) to me.”

TTO p. 257: William to Charlie: “You have something that belongs to me.”

TSE p. 344-345: “We both wanted to love… (Henry) loved and now I have loved.”

TSE p. 344: “I helped (Henry) create.”

TSE p. 344: “(The children) are home, with me…Their happiest day.”

TSE p. 345: “There isn’t a way out anymore. All that’s left is family.”

His fear of death:

TSE p. 368. (William is afraid of death).

TFC p. 174: “I have face my own mortality…I knew I was dying and through every broken fragment of my body I was profoundly, immeasurably afraid.”

“I fear (death) more than I fear life like this, even when every waking instant is pain, and sleep is possibly only when induced by enough medication to kill most people.”

TFC p. 332: William Afton clenched his fists, studying his own hands for a moment and then looking toward the medical monitors in the corner. “I feel my time is running short.”

TFC p. 339: “I’m running out of ideas,” William said, failing to hide his anxiety.

Scientific experimentation:

His fascination with remnant and binding souls to suits after death.

“Now let us put you to a greater purpose.” (TFC p. 39)

“Their lives will now have a greater purpose,” (William) said contentedly. “Just as you did (Elizabeth in Circus Baby).” (TFC p. 40)

William watched (Circus Baby) with a gleam of pride. (TFC p. 172).

TFC p. 173: He reclined and let out a sigh. “Sometimes great things come at a great cost.”

TFC p. 174: Afton answered thoughtfully, "…But that’s why we’re here-to discover the secret of the last ingredient, what you might call the spark of life.”

TFC p. 175: "The most terrible accidents bear the most beautiful fruits…Re-creating the accident-That is the duty and honor of science. To replicate the experiment, and obtain the same results. I give my life to this experiment, piece by piece.”

TFC p. 178: "How did the creatures at Freddy’s move, of their own will, with no outside force controlling them?” He asked mildly. He tilted his head, waiting.

TFC p. 178-179: “The spirit follows the flesh, it would seem, and also the pain. If I wish to become my own immortal creation, my body must lead my spirit to its immortal home.”

TFC p. 109-111: “Since I am still experimenting… I move my flesh piece by piece. It is a test of the strength of my own will. How much of myself can I carve away, and still remain in control?”

TFC p. 320: “Well, that’s the point of this, to learn, trial and error.”

Jessica: “You want to live forever? …you’re making yourself into a robot?” (TFC 175)

More examples:

“I am simply telling you, so that you can help with what comes next.” (TFC p. 170).

“A woman with a mind for science. You can’t help but admire what I’ve done.” (TFC p. 173)

“Please, as a woman of science, at least try to appreciate what I’ve done.”

(TFC p. 176)

“Come closer…I want you to watch what happens next.” He said tiredly. (TFC p. 177).

“This will be an interesting experiment.” (TFC p. 319)

“For your sake, you’d better hope my little experiment does something; because I doubt you will survive otherwise.” William said mildly. (TFC p. 319)

“That’s unfortunate…I hoped to learn something.” (TFC p. 333)

(His apathy toward experimenting on Carlton, followed by his disappointed reaction to the failed experiment shows that he does not murder for thrill, but for results.)

[bosspigeon]

(hope the blood letting goes well :( ) nate/adam prompts??? lips chapped from the cold // warming the other's hands (or lips, 'cause, i mean)

in the dark, i can hear your heartbeat

Pairing: Adam du Mortain/Nate Sewell Word Count: 2603 Summary: Being sidelined during a mission isn’t too bad, if you ask Nate. Gives him plenty of time to ogle his commander. And maybe, if he’s very lucky, he’ll get to do a bit more than just ogle.

THIS PROMPT REALLY GOT AWAY FROM ME, HUH? Sorry it’s taken me so long to post it, I was just possessed by the spirit of Nate’s Intense Emotional Horniness. Title from “Cosmic Love” by Florence and the Machine~

Mild CW for some intense kissin’ and a bit of fondling, as well as some adult humor, but it doesn’t actually dip into anything too risque. Not for lack of trying on Nate’s part tho 👀

Watching Adam has become something of a self-soothing ritual for Nate over the centuries, even when it hurt him to do so. There was an odd sort of comfort in watching, in tracing the familiar paths of his silent, shackled longing with heavy eyes and quiet avarice. Then, he had to be careful not to overdo it, to make it obvious, however desperate he was to memorize every inch of his commanding agent, as if every moment with him would be the last. Adam’s eyes are sharp, his awareness of himself and how people observe him sometimes bordering on paranoia (though he would gut himself before admitting such weakness) and Nate learned to watch him when he was otherwise occupied, honed in with an intense, single-minded focus on whatever task the Agency had for them.

It became easier, over time, for him to contain the hunger of his gaze, to pick and choose the correct time to indulge himself in admiring the man who gradually became more than simply his superior, but his friend. Nate learned to play it off well when he was caught, to corral his racing heart like an errant beast, and he fervently thanked whatever power would listen to a lost creature like him that Adam’s interpersonal skills were not nearly so sharp as his observational ones. There was guilt, of course. A dark twist of shame that took far too long to shake, the niggling idea that there was something wicked about wanting the way he did, but Adam drew his gaze relentlessly from the very first moment they met. Nate was bedraggled, exhausted in a way beyond the physical, and no longer human, but meeting this steadfast, powerful, beautiful man lit a fire in his belly that warmed him, and even dulled the gnawing there, in a way he could never hope to explain.

He smiles to himself under the cover over darkness as he watches now, flushed with the knowledge that he does not have to hide it anymore.

Adam, body vibrating with restless tension as he watches the shadows, stiffens further when the weight of Nate’s gaze finally breaks through his focus. His spine somehow manages to straighten even further, and Nate’s smile widens, curling with mischief.

“What?” his commander hisses, breath fogging in the chilly gloom. The streets are quiet, and though this area is mostly condemned warehouses and abandoned factories, they lurk in the shadows and avoid the sparse yellow streetlights.

Nate’s smile does not falter, and he simply raises his brows. “Pardon?” he asks innocently.

Adam’s eyes narrow at him. “You are staring. Why?”

And, oh, he really can’t help himself, not when he is still all aflutter with the intoxicating freedom of having what he’s yearned for so long the ache had almost become a part of him. “You look quite striking in this light, is all,” he says. His gaze traces, unbidden, along the strong angle of Adam’s jaw, the proud curve of his nose, the breadth of his shoulders that strain enticingly against his coat, and when it finally drags itself back to his eyes, they are wide and startled. “What? Am I not allowed to admire you?” he teases, daring to slink closer.

“We… we are on a mission,” Adam protests, but his voice lacks the sharp edge of reproach it usually does when he is, say, chiding Mason or Felix.

“Chase, Mason, and Felix are on a mission,” Nate corrects gently, still smiling. “We are keeping watch until they return.”

Adam’s mouth twists, clearly sour about the reminder that they’ve been sidelined. Unfortunately, the mission is one that requires speed and subtlety, and the fewer of them to get in the way, the better. Chase was a rather last-minute addition— one that Adam did not approve of at first—until it was pointed out that his particular talents would be useful getting into the trapper hideout undetected. He even proved his skills by breaking into their Agency SUV without setting off the alarm. “That is still part of the mission,” Adam grumbles, turning away. Nate takes the final step that will get him where he wants to be, which is within touching distance of the brooding commander. Adam stiffens, but stubbornly keeps his gaze turned in the direction of the hideout, little more than a nondescript, barely-lit grey building in the distance. The radio silence makes them both antsy, but Nate takes comfort in knowing their team is a capable one, and if anything were wrong, they would be alerted. Nate allows himself another indulgence, and slides his hand over Adam’s arm. He’s done it countless times before. Even before this change, this new territory to chart, Adam allowed him and their team more intimacy than he allowed anyone else. Casual touches are not new, but now they feel strangely loaded. They carry a new weight.

An intent.

Nate squeezes the hard, tense muscle of Adam’s bicep, and Adam spins to face him again. He seems startled to realize Nate's gotten so close, and one hand comes up to press against his chest. Nate stops, lifts his head, and cocks his brows, waiting. There is a flush creeping up Adam’s cheeks, his breath seems to have frozen in his lungs (luckily he doesn’t really need it), and for a long moment, they simply stare at one another in silence.

Adam exhales in a plume of white mist, leaning forward ever so slightly. A hardly perceptible movement, but Nate has long since learned to read Adam’s gestures, his expressions, his silent requests. He slides his hand over the one on his chest, curling his fingers around it tenderly. “Your hands are cold,” he observes. Adam opens his mouth, likely to make some remark about Nate’s obvious comment, but it freezes before it even reaches the chilly air when Nate pulls the hand to his mouth to breathe warm air over it and rub it between his own. His eyes never leave Adam’s, wide and bright in the darkness, and that enticing flush only deepens when Nate presses his mouth softly to his knuckles. He kisses each one, slowly and sweetly, all the while rubbing circles into Adam's palm. Adam swallows, eyelids fluttering, and his lips part, but all that escapes them is a wordless, shaky little sigh.

And then Nate is being backed into the wall of the building behind them, Adam’s hands balled into the lapels of his coat. Nate’s shoulders hit the drab brick, and Adam crowds in close, green eyes flashing in the gloom. Nate’s hands find his hips, slipping underneath his coat, in part because his hands are somewhat cold as well, but mostly to get as close to skin as he can possibly get. He licks his lips, waiting. He’s waited three centuries for this, he can be patient a little while longer, and allow Adam to come to him when he’s ready.

The first kiss is quick, hardly more than a chaste peck. Adam's lips are cold, a little chapped, and Nate tries to follow them when they pull away. Thankfully, he isn't left wanting for long. Adam seems bolstered by his reaction, and kisses him again, more forcefully. His lips part in a sweet little gasp, and Nate takes the invitation, running his tongue along his lower lip and pulling it playfully between his teeth. He feels the sound that rumbles in Adam's chest more than he hears it, and he can't help but smirk. He hopes Adam can feel it pressed against his mouth, hopes he knows how much Nate delights in every reaction, relishes every little sound, and commits them to memory.

Adam's lips warm quickly against his, and his hands do too, sliding into Nate's open coat to brace against his chest. Nate warms his by tugging Adam's shirt from his belt and slipping his hands underneath. Adam gasps, his belly shuddering and twitching reflexively under his chilly fingers, but he doesn't pull away. If anything, he presses closer, clinging like a man drowning, soft, rough noises slipping helplessly from his mouth into Nate’s. Somehow, his thigh winds up between Adam’s, his hands creeper higher and higher underneath his shirt, inching it up over his belly. They’re pressed so close together, though, that his bare skin doesn’t meet the air.

Nate breaks away from the kiss with a heated gasp, and his wet lips are almost immediately stinging with the cold. It’s Adam’s turn to chase his mouth now, pushing up onto his toes to close the distance between them. He kisses at Nate’s jaw almost frantically, his fingers curling into his shirt, and when Nate doesn’t give him what he wants immediately, he growls.

It should be threatening. Nate has heard Adam growl before. He’s seen him bare his teeth and snarl to intimidate an enemy into backing down, or simply out of annoyance. Adam is a fierce presence when he wants to be, the very picture of an apex predator. Powerfully built, strong, and proud, with eyes that could gut a lesser man with a simple look. Now, growling as he mouths and nuzzles against Nate’s jaw, he just sounds needy.

Nate might die here, but it won’t be because Adam is any sort of threat. It’s easy enough to reverse their positions, pliant as Adam has gotten. It’s shockingly easy, really, and Nate is taken back to their conversation in Adam’s room, the way he simply let himself be spun around and pinned against his own desk, let Nate take whatever he wanted from him. They have sparred, however little Nate cares for it, and Adam’s beaten him every time. There’s no question which of them is physically stronger. The only reason Nate could push him anywhere is if Adam let him do so.

He shudders at the realization, an almost pained groan tearing free of him, and dips his head to catch Adam’s mouth again, earning another growl that he swallows up desperately. He wastes no time in slipping his tongue past Adam’s lips, tasting him with a feverish hunger that blisters with heat so intense he forgets the cold entirely. He gets his thigh between Adam’s legs again, and he pushes up, reveling in the choked moan it earns him. He swallows that too. Nate knows hunger, feels it gnawing at him even now, but even that ever-present, aching reminder of what he is drowns in the wake of this clawing need to get as close as possible, to taste as much of Adam as possible.

He is blearily considering how easy it would be to undo Adam’s fatigues and slip his hand inside, when he is nearly blinded by a sudden light washing over the little alcove they’ve sequestered into.

He snarls, lifting a hand to shield his eyes, and once the starbursts clear from his vision, he sees Chase standing at the mouth of the alleyway, shining his phone’s flashlight over them.

Nate doesn’t need the light to see the smirk curling the detective’s full lips, the wry quirk of his brow. He is flanked by Mason and Felix, who are wearing eerily matching, leering grins at the compromising position in which they’ve found their commanding agent and his second.

Heat rushes to his cheeks, and he peels himself away from Adam’s front (reluctantly, of course—embarrassed as he is, he still yearns to wrap himself around that powerful body and simply refuse to let go) with a sheepish cough. He finds his clothes are a bit… disheveled, to say the least, so he busies himself putting them back into order, risking a glance at Adam to find him hurrying to do the same.

Chase shakes his head disapprovingly and tuts at them. “Really, you two? Canoodling? In the middle of a mission?” He’s still smirking, eyeing them over with that sharp, knowing gaze.

Felix giggles helplessly and whispers “Canoodling” to Mason, who snorts.

“The mission,” Adam snaps, straightening his posture admirably, considering he is still hastily tucking his shirt back into his trousers. “You’ve gotten the information we need?” He sounds faintly breathless, but he hides it well. The pinkness of his lips, noticeably wet and swollen, less so. Nate wonders, a bit hysterically, if their accelerated healing mitigates things like beard burn.

Chase produces a manila folder from inside his jacket and waves it smugly. “Was there ever any doubt?”

“How did it go?” Nate asks, raking his fingers through his hair. “No difficulties, I hope? It’s still quiet.” He glances towards the building in the distance. Still and dimly lit. He breathes a sigh of relief. Even with the distraction, he does worry for his team, and is glad to see they seem no worse for wear. He is also, perhaps, glad to have a distraction from the heat still surging under his skin, the tangle of arousal still burning in his gut, the sharp awareness of Adam standing stiffly at his shoulder,  a person-shaped knot of tension.

“In and out,” Mason says with a nod and a little smile playing about his lips. Felix snickers again. “So easy it was almost boring.” The smile widens, and Nate braces for impact. “We definitely didn’t have as much fun as you two did.”

Felix collapses against Chase’s shoulder cackling.

Adam tenses even more, and Nate is concerned he’ll break something with how hard he’s clenching his jaw. “We'll return to the Warehouse and debrief there," he says stiffly, refusing to even deign the teasing with a response. Nate can't help but risk a touch to his lower back, light and barely there, in hopes it will soothe him even a little.

Adam meets his eyes for a fraction of a second, but Nate can feel the way his body loosens ever so slightly, and presses his palm more firmly to his back, smiling.

"Oh, yeah, I bet you're real eager to debrief at least one of us," Felix manages to wheeze out, still recovering from his last little fit.

Adam's spine snaps straight again, and he begins to draw away from Nate's touch, to retreat into himself, to overthink. Chase sees it too, and he elbows Felix sharply in the side to quiet him. Nate takes the moment of distraction and loops his arm around Adam's waist and reels him in to brush a quick kiss to his temple. "Relax," he breathes into his ear.

He waits for Adam to react, keeps his grasp loose, so he can escape if he needs to. He wants this to be easy, but knows it may not be for Adam. This is uncharted territory for them both, but they have always handled uncharted territory in vastly different ways. He cannot expect Adam to simply be ready just because he is.

Adam doesn’t relax, so he begins to step away, keeping his face neutral, his posture loose. The rejection stings a bit, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. A strong hand latches around his wrist before he can withdraw it completely, and Adam’s eyes are stubbornly narrowed when they meet his. Nate smiles, warmth blooming bright in his chest, and curls his arm around Adam even tighter, slipping two fingers through his belt loops. He finally begins to relax, if slowly, and Nate can’t stop smiling.

Mason stomps his feet noisily against the cracked asphalt, interrupting the little moment, and Nate tears his eyes from Adam’s to see him rubbing his arms. “Can we go? It’s fucking freezing out here.”

“Is it?” Nate asks brightly, turning towards the black SUV parked deeper in the shadowed alleyway and steering Adam along with him. “I’d hardly noticed.”

[aka-indulgence]

Hmmmmmmmmm, for the game thing, do the word Snack!

You walked around in the dark, waving your flashlight this way and that way as you stumble blindly through the cave.

It was pure dumb misfortune that literally landed you here. One second you were having a leisurely hike in the woods with your friends. the next you stepped on some roots covering up a hole and tumbled down into earthen tunnels. You heard something crunch in your bag when you did, but thankfully, when you went to check, nothing important had been lost- just a bag of snacks you’d been carrying around. You checked your phone- you must’ve separated from the others some time back, and when you tried to contact them you found no signal. You attempted to climb back up the way you came from, through the same roots that dug into the ground, but to no avail. All you got was some rope burns (root burns?) for your trouble.

So here you were, wandering around aimlessly, hoping that these tunnels would lead somewhere out.

You thank the itinerary list for telling you to bring a flashlight, even when you thought you wouldn’t need it. You gulp as the occasional wind blew through the tunnel, creating moan-like sounds that sent shivers up your neck. The beam of light shuddered along with your hands, less because of the cold and more fromt he eerie silence, the suffocating feeling of being alone.

But where there’s wind, there’s an opening! You try to tell yourself optimistically. If there was only one entrance, there wouldn’t be such a draft.

After what felt like hours of being alone with your thoughts and fears (occasionally wondering if anything else lived down here... something you quickly shoved away before the thoughts turned to paranoia), you stopped when you saw a hint of moss on the ground. You had been walking alone in the dark, with some patches of light here and there from above, but this moss wasn’t near any of those patches. To your delight, you saw the tunnel, where it bent, is starting to get brighter the more you advance.

Please be an exit please be an exit!

You smile when you turn, seeing at the end of the tunnel... light.

Your way out.

You almost squeal happily at the sight, after being alone and afraid for so long- you’re finally going to be out! You don’t know where, but, it’s better than being down here!

You make haste towards the light, your steps echoing all around you as you run towards it-

Only to stop as you get closer, your heart almost stopping in your chest when you see what’s in your way.

A giant spider web.

You freeze in your spot, the chill from before nothing like the icy cold that grips your heart now. You felt as if someone had just doused you in freezing water as your eyes trail the patterns shaped by the web, tangling, intricate... giant.

This... this couldn’t be made by any ordinary spider... could it?

The web was thick, like a rope, and there were big spaces in between the silk, something a bug would easily fly through... like this web was made for bigger prey.

And it definitely didn’t look old and abandoned like a cobweb... it looked relatively fresh. Used.

A lump forms in your throat as you look behind you.

Was a giant spider walking around back there and by luck you missed it?

You looked around the web again, expecting to see the monster...

... and you don’t.

But you see a crevice on the side, gaping and as dark as the tunnels you were walking around earlier. Your hair stands as you search for any signs of something terrifying, eyes watching you...

... nothing.

... Phew.

You look at the web. Was there a way you can get through that..? Could you maybe walk through one of its holes and cross the other side unnoticed? Trying to cut it sounds like a very bad idea...

You take a few tentative steps closer, wondering if you just moved your body like this you could maybe slip through, and...

Ok, nope, that’s not happening. You’ll touch the web, and who knows how strongly it’d stick to you if you touch it.

You were desperate to get out but... not desperate enough to risk getting trapped on a large web.

I just hope I won’t meet anything scary on the way out... You think to yourself. This can’t be the only way out, can it? You take a step back...

... and cringe when you feel something sticking to your shoes. You look down to see fibrous webbing on the ground, thicker at the base of the web and thin as it spreads out on the ground. It isn’t thick enough to keep you in place, but lifting your feet pulls strands of it off the ground, almost like when you’ve got gum under your shoe... a lot of gum.

The image grosses you out a little and fills you with an amount of dread you can’t quite place, and you struggle as quietly as you can to get it off your shoe, but it’s much stronger than it looks and you squirm a bit as you try to get it off you.

Distracting you from the creature that was slowly crawling out of the crevice, awoken by the minute shudders you made when you stepped on the webbing.

It crawls out one leg at a time, its legs latching onto the web, eyes focusing on the cute little thing wriggling at the base of its web.

The nervousness on her face.... it’s adorable.

You only get more webbing on your hand when you try to lift it off your shoe and you’re trying to get that off when you’re suddenly keenly aware of the feeling that someone’s watching you. A shadow skitters out of the corner of your eye... and you look up.

Your face blanches at what you see. A giant spider, with 8 sharp legs perched on the giant web above you. And not only that- where it’s head should be sprouted a spine, forming the upper body of a skeleton similar to a human’s, except these were thick like muscles, and its skull was much rounder. Two eye(light)s pierced yours, and below it was a set of teeth... two huge fangs catching your attention almost immediately.

Your body stiffens.

“well well well... what do i have here? it looks like a little snack has wondered her way towards my web...” The spider speaks, his(?) smile widening when you flinch at his voice. He starts crawling towards you, and icicles form in your heart. You don’t know what to do- you want to run away but you’re shaking so much you don’t think you’d be able to stand up.

“aww... what’s the matter? you look a bit... tangled up...” he chuckles, and you squeak when you realize he’s halfway across the web, and he’d be upon you any time. You dig your hands into the ground and pull your legs with all your might- a move that the spider quickly zeroes on, and instantly, he jerks his abdomen, and out of its end shoots two webs at your feet, gluing you into your spot. You gasp, eyes as wide as saucers as you look at the quickly hardening web, almost wet when it first lands on your feet (and a bit warm...), but dry when you reach out to touch it. You’re still looking at it curiously (and terrified) when two spindly legs land on either side of you, and you look up when the monster straddles you. You press yourself into the ground as tears well up in your eyes, scared out of your mind.

The monster tilts his head and smiles again, and starts bending four of his legs to get closer to you. He plants two hands on either side of your head and you turn away, gritting your teeth when his skull gets close to you.

“trying to leave so soon, dear? why- we’ve only just met!” he teases, grinning so wide, showing off his fangs to you. You shudder, wondering what you could do to try to get away-

You make a little eep! sound when his claws find your face, digging into your hair and scratching your scalp in the slightest. “what’s your name, little thing? i’m sans... it’s such a pleasure to meet you.” His sockets crinkle, as if he was curious enough to know the name of the human he’s probably going to eat soon.

Your mouth feels dry as you stutter your name. “P-please, Sans...” you almost whisper, “d-don’t... eat me... I didn’t mean to disturb you in your home.”

“ahahah... no one stumbles into a spider web on purpose, my darling.” Sans says, idly running his thumb across your cheek. “i must say... you are quite soft... softer than anything else i’ve caught here.” He says almost absent-mindedly. “and of course you don’t want me to eat you. but i must eat nonetheless, and you were unfortunate enough to walk into my home.” Sans says, almost sadly(?), and he starts to grip your back, and panic sparks in your chest.

“N-no wait please!” You hold your hands out in front of him, “t-there must be a way! Isn’t there something I can do?”

You shake and shiver as tears well up in your eyes, terrified for your life, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. You don’t see how Sans’ sockets widen when a tear spills out of your eyes, your breaths shaking your whole body.

“Please...” you beg under your breath, squeezing your eyes shut.

“...” Sans is silent. and when his other hand brushes your waist and goes under you, you think he’s not going to hear you and is going to bite your neck out any second now. So you’re surprised when he lifts you up carefully in his hands and says “very well.” 

His hand grips your middle (his thumb reached half your stomach, and his back fingers could cover your back no problem!) and he lifts a leg towards where you’re caught in the legs, slicing the webs with the end. Your hair stands thinking about how sharp his legs must be to cut it so easily, but Sans only chortles when he sees your face.

“it’s magic, little thing. i can manipulate it to my will.”

His tucks you into his arms as if you were a baby, and your breath hitches as he climbs up the wall sideways, never looking away from you.

“i am... lonely. it’s not often i get to talk with my prey... you seem pleasant. why don’t you and i... have a conversation? just for a while. if you convince me, i’ll let you go.” Sans says slowly, as he reaches the crevice.

“but if not...”

His grip turns hard, more like a trap than a safety net. “i’ll get to keep you.”

Sans looks deranged when his grin widens, the only thing you could see other than his eyelights as he slowly drags you into his little hiding hole in the wall, and you frantically look for a way out of this to no avail, as the darkness swallows you and you’re trapped with the spider.

[jasperwhitcock]

equinox | chapter 07 –– “a cruel god, a wrathful goddess”

here is chapter six of my bella as a vampire and edward as a human fanfic inspired by an au that @bellasredchevy​​ posted. you can read the new chapter on AO3 or here. i post updates on AO3 or on tumblr using the #equinoxjw tag. but it seems 10/10 times my tag does not work, so that is a fun mystery for me to solve.

oof... sometimes u get distracted and then ur sister gets married and then u get unmotivated & d*pressed and forget to update ur fanfic for over three months... my bad y'all... sorry for the wait hehe. i hope it is worth it. again, i'm so thankful for the comments & i read them all. i get too shy to respond, but i WILL. i just need to talk myself up first. i love u. thank u. hehe. ♡♡♡ merry christmas/happy holidays if i fail u again before the 25th. i WANT to update more frequently. my catchphrase these days is "i'm trying my best," so... i'm trying my best.

this is for the sweet anons who slide into my ask box & ask me questions abt my fanfic. and for taryn, who consistently reminds me that there are people wanting to read this seeing as she is one of those people, kim, who i am so desperate to impress that i began working on a new chapter once she started to read my fanfic, and kae, because without her, this fanfic would never have existed in the first place. i love how i'm writing this as though it's the intro to an actual book when it's literally just chapter seven. ok, i will shut up now so u can read. love u. again.

07 A CRUEL GOD, A WRATHFUL GODDESS

In great contrast to the noisy ambience of the other students in the hallway, we were silent on our walk to our shared biology class. I wondered how conscious Edward was of the stares and whispers focused on our proximity to one another, but my guess was that he was very much conscious of it. I intentionally ignored glancing in any direction that I sensed one of my siblings’ presence, although I figured it was mostly paranoia driving me to feel as though we were about to cross paths. Holding my breath to more easily walk beside Edward left my senses impaired to the ability to pinpoint their location. 

I was lucky that for the majority of my immortal life, I’d managed to escape unwanted attention. But now, it seemed that precious luck had finally run out. Maybe embarrassment had been creeping up on me, maliciously building itself up all these years, waiting until just the right moment to rear its ugly head and exact revenge that immorality had stolen its favorite object of humiliation to torment. But here it was, ensuring that I was finally catching up on feeling awkward and out of step, a feeling I experienced for what seemed like the entirety of my human life. I thought once I’d been changed, I’d never feel this way again, but becoming misaligned with my family made me feel bashful to parade my defiance in their faces. I had operated better under no scrutiny as a mortal and was surprised to realize that that still held true as an immortal as well. Because though there was now never a struggle of staying upright or a risk of tripping over my own feet, that didn’t prevent me from feeling self-conscious as I walked beside Edward. Although for different reasons –– it was too mortifying to consider what my family might make of what my actions suggested about my feelings towards Edward.

And yet still, I would put up with the ridicule and disapproval of my siblings if it meant I could listen to Edward speak his silly philosophical theology, his questioning of god and existence, for just a few more hours. If I were going to be teased over Alice’s visions regardless, I might as well find out what I can about this pretentious boy before I leave him alone forever. If only to understand why his moving to this small town threatened to warp my own future so much. In losing night and in losing death, there were so very little anomalies in the endless amount of time I’d been given. So what would it hurt to allow myself to fixate on this minuscule difference in my life for just awhile?

It could hurt Edward, a more selfless part of myself reminded me. If indulging myself was playing with fire, I was being justly punished with the way flames were efflorescing the inside of my dry, burning throat.

If a god did exist, why would it make sense for such a being to craft someone like Edward with his perceptivity, and send him off to this small town, home to a secret such as ours? If a god did exist, why it would be fair for such a being to craft someone like Edward, someone who tempted me both in bloodlust and in curiosity, and send him off to this small town, home to the very vampire who desperately wished to kill him most? If a god did exist, if our kind had fallen short of heaven, I could understand why sending Edward into our path –– and more specifically, my path –– could be some kind of punishment. But what I couldn’t understand is why a god would allow someone as innocent as Edward to be endangered for the sake of bringing a sinful, undead creature to justice. It seemed the only reasonable explanation would be that a god probably did not exist. 

And how could there be? I was on the precipice of falling into temptation with every step further in the hallway and every question he asked and answered. I could never not be very much aware of the fact –– especially now with his body merely inches from my side and his sweet fragrance blooming both deliciously and relentlessly in the air. And even as I impossibly withstood the lure of his blood, how was I meant to ignore the irresistibility of his mind and how inexplicably concerned I was to understand it? It seemed like a very cruel experiment of free will and knowledge –– far too cruel to allow much room for the kind of god Edward hoped for.

I frowned as I realized that this experiment wasn’t that of a cruel god’s but that of a cruel vampire, and I felt very much like a vampire as the sound of his heartbeat was so appealing that it made my mouth water.

“Do the stares bother you?” Edward spoke quietly to me as we weaved throughout the hallway. Easily distracted, his question was able to pull the more civilized parts of myself together, though this was probably also in thanks to my choosing not to utilize my sense of smell. I found it funny that at least one of his thoughts had been in a similar vicinity. But of course, the rest of his thoughts were probably free of all consuming agony and struggle. For all his curiosity about morality, to inflict this existence upon him would probably devour him in misery. At least as a human, despite whatever conclusions he may come to, there was still some hope to be had for an afterlife. This thought should have been dark and depressing, but because it made Alice’s vision seem like a complete hoax, I almost found it funny. How would Edward ever end up like me?

“Oh, no,” I swallowed the venom in my mouth. “I live for attention.” I watched from the corner of my eyes as his gaze flickered over to me, the ever present half smile appearing on his face at my joke. My answer came out so comfortably as though I was used to this, when in reality, the student body for the most part had grown accustomed to ignoring me. And, of course, there was nothing comfortable about the demanding, aching dryness in my mouth or the burning in my nostrils. “How about you?”

“Likewise,” he joked, laughing. “This is interesting –– their fascination. I understood their interest on my first day because I’d guess a new addition to the student body in a town this small is something of a rarity, but today, walking by your side is garnering even more attention. Is it a once in a lifetime opportunity to have Bella Cullen walk you to class?”

“You’re just so observant, aren’t you?” I rolled my eyes, though the corners of my mouths pulled up despite myself. “And I’m not walking you to class. I’m walking to a class I just so happen to share with you, so don’t get the wrong idea. I think they’re just surprised because they’re probably under the impression that I don’t play nice with others.”

“And do you?”

“You tell me,” I replied, pausing to face him beside a wall of lockers next to the entrance of our biology classroom. As he stopped beside me, a gust of air from a passing student walking hastily down the hallway sent his scent reeling into me at an unfortunate moment where I’d chosen to breathe in. My muscles tensed to spring, and I desperately anchored myself to the floor as my mind fell into disarray.

“Nicely enough,” Edward winked naturally as though we’d been the best of friends since his first day. The demanding thirst was intruding on my awareness, and the desperation for something wet and hot and delicious in my desiccated throat was so dizzying that his voice sounded as though it were underwater. With an effort as though I were swimming through drying cement, I resurfaced, just barely proving my dominion over the desire. I focused on his voice so that it’d become clearer, forcing myself to take another excruciating breath in and exhale the fire out. “I will say I am honored to be the exception –– to be plucked from the masses by the renowned, reclusive Bella Cullen.”

With torturous effort, I snorted as though I wasn’t fighting everything within me to keep him alive. I breathed in again heavily, allowing my body to become a pyre so that I could speak. “Alright, that’s enough. Stop saying my name like that. And you’ve lost the privilege. I am never walking you to class again,” I rolled my eyes even though my joke could very much be the truth. The bunching of my muscles, the twitching of my hands, and the fierce pain in my throat reminded me of the fact. Before he could point out the contradiction of what I’d previously clarified, I sighed. “Let’s take this quiz.”

His pretty green eyes were alive with mischief and enlightened with what must be more answers to questions he hadn’t outright asked me as he turned to enter the classroom. I followed behind him towards our shared table.

Air from the vent rushed out, thrusting the scent of his blood wafting into my face again. I paused for an indistinguishable moment as I battled agony, murderousness, monstrosity. Holy fuck. What was I trying to prove! Was it really worth this? Swallowing hard, I sat beside him as though nothing happened. My suffering was so great that Emmett could have brutally ripped my arm off, he could have beat me with it, and I wouldn’t have noticed nor felt a thing. I could have been set on fire, and it’d feel like sinking into a cool pool of water on an even cooler day. I was already burning alive, my body acting as a furnace, and I was imprisoned inside it.

Without intending to, I sighed aloud, exhaling as though it would smother the flames. It was a stupid, attention seeking thing to do. Humans sighed to expel air or express some sadness or relief or exhaustion, so when my family emitted an audible breath, we did so as a means of blending in. But to breath out in a way to clue Edward into the fact something was plaguing me… it was a stupid invitation for more questions. And these were questions I had no intention of sharing the answers to. I felt his eyes on me, but before he could say anything, Mr. Molina began passing out quizzes face down on our lab tables as students continued to pile in from lunch.

“Alright, class. Today we have a pop quiz–– oh, come on, guys, don’t groan. You will have the opportunity to make corrections after these have been graded. This is just an assessment of what you’ve retained from this unit so far. You will have the entire period to complete–– thanks for joining us, Mr. Patterson, glad you could fit my class into your busy schedule. Why don’t you take your seat? –– You will have the entire period to complete your quiz. If you finish early, feel free to get a head start on this weekend’s homework! I’ve written the reading down on the board. Aw, I’m sure you’re all moaning because you’re disappointed at how light of an assignment it is because I just know how very excited you all are to continue your passionate pursuit of studying biology. Alright, now that everyone’s settled–– wait a minute––”  Mr. Molina paused, raising his pointer finger in the air, his eyes squinted in anticipation. Three seconds later, the bell signaled the beginning of class. “Begin!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward reluctantly turn away from me. In an elegant script, he wrote his name at the top of the paper and began his quiz. I turned away from him to look at my own paper, preparing myself to uncomfortably hold my breath for the next hour. The difference this made in my thirst was almost insignificant, but enough so that it gave me a tiny more leverage in my control. I smoothed out the pucker on my forehead with the eraser from my pencil, accidentally snapping the rubber off against my face. 

Absentmindedly, I began to breeze through the assessment, circling the correct answers, but my mind was more absorbed in the warmth of sitting beside Edward. Aside from the affliction of doing so, it was too pleasurable to have sat beside him so often and for so long today. I enjoyed the toastiness like a lizard basking in the sun. It made me recall the muddy human memory of laying out on a blanket in my backyard beneath my beloved blue Arizona sky, hiding beneath the small shade of a book. Not the blistering heat of a summertime Phoenix sun, but the warmth of the first day of spring. But the heat of Edward’s body alone was enough to fill my mouth with venom, so I tried to refocus my attention onto my quiz.

When I turned to the last page of questions, a motion beside me diverted my concentration once again. I peeked over, turning my head slightly in Edward’s direction to see what it was. As he thought over one of the questions, his right hand was moving peculiarly as he lifted and dropped down his long fingers almost as though he were impatiently tapping each digit one by one along the tabletop. Except the movement was more exact and calculatingly random. Engrossed, I watched as his his soft, fragile skin rippled over the muscle, the tendons appearing and disappearing with every bizarre movement. It took me a moment to make the connection between the large grand piano in his home and the motion of his hands. I realized he was miming piano movements while he thought through his answers. There was something both weird, funny, and endearing about this. I smiled to myself, not having the required oxygen to quietly laugh.

I felt his curious eyes flicker over to me and watched peripherally as he raised his eyebrows. I shook my head, biting down on my lip to unsuccessfully fight the smile, and returned to completing my quiz.

I finished a moment later and impatiently waited another ten minutes or so before I could turn in my work. I tried to ignore Edward for this small period of time at least, mentally reading myself the opening chapter to Wuthering Heights. Even though the words were committed to my memory, it was still never as good as actually reading from the book itself.

Once I’d decided an appropriate enough time had passed, I stood up to walk my quiz to the completed basket on Mr. Molina’s desk. Even having waited, I was still the first to finish the examination.

“Thank you,” the teacher whispered without breaking his focus away from the crossword puzzle he peered through his glasses at. I breathed in now that I’d placed some distance between myself and Edward, gladly facing the cool, fresh air from the vent.

“Neophyte,” I whispered back now that I’d replenished my oxygen supply.

“Excuse me?” He glanced up, his slightly aged face confused.

“Neophyte,” I repeated. “Eight across, two down.”

I took in one last clean breath and walked back to my seat as he tapped his pen across the squares of the space, mouthing his count of the letters to check if the word fit.

As soon as I took my place in my seat again, Edward stood up to walk his own quiz to the basket.

I wanted to watch him, but instead I forced myself to unzip my backpack and retrieve the biology textbook.

Busying myself with the assigned chapters, deciding to actually read them so as to not feed into my invasive Edward obsession, I couldn’t help but listen as Edward too placed his own textbook on the countertop.

I heard the scribble of pen on paper as he began to write what I imagined were notes until his large hand slid the paper over to me beneath the wall of my hair spilling over the desk. Well, I wouldn’t ignore him if he was the one deciding to bother me.

You know I’m pretty certain that cheating is a violation of the student handbook, but I’ll let you get away with it just this once.

I turned to glance at his face to see if he were serious. His eyes were warm and inviting, his mouth in the same crooked smile.

I took the piece of paper and looked around for my writing utensil that had gone missing somehow. My eyes zeroed in on a suspicious, tiny pile of wood dust on my side of the desk. When had I brutalized my pencil? He held his hand out to offer his own pen, and I accepted it, carefully plucking it from his fingers without making contact.

I wasn’t cheating. You were doing something funny. And what do you know about the student handbook? You’re new.

I slid the paper and pen back to him and watched as he combed a hand through his bronze hair, reading my response. The smile grew wider as he construed the biting tone of my note. 

Can I be let in on the joke? Edward wrote, turning to look at me once he was done. Again I was prisoner, though this time not to my own body. I was momentarily held hostage by the beauty and warmth of his light green eyes. I was understanding more and more the attraction the other students had for him. If I had a soul, it was as though he were staring straight into it.

I recovered, placing my hand atop the desk and then wiggling my fingers as though I were weaving my way through a very complicated piano piece.

Oh, Edward mouthed, immediately understanding. He silently laughed and placed his left hand to his forehead briefly as if to hide his face in mock embarrassment. The ink from the pen spilled onto the paper as he began to write again.

In my defense, there’s research that supports classical music puts students in a heightened emotional state, making them more receptive to information and helping them focus.

That’s very nerdy of you. I scribbled back, the corners of my lips pulled upwards.

I know. As I read the words on the notebook paper, we both laughed a little too loudly for the quietness of the room.

“Please remain silent for your classmates still working,” Mr. Molina stage-whispered from his desk, his eyes still fixated on the crossword puzzle.

It’s a bad habit. Edward tacked on to his message. I beamed. I knew a thing or two about bad habits today. I was appreciative of this silent conversation on paper; it made it easier to be beside him without needing to breathe to speak aloud.

What were you playing? I scrawled.

Clair de Lune. Edward wrote back. His thick eyebrows raised as my eyes lit up, and he continued writing. You know Debussy?

My mother used to play a lot of classical music around the house. It was one of my favorites.

It’s one of my favorites, too. Edward’s eyes were a little sad and lost in thought, and he smiled softly.

I was shocked by the change in expression and weirdly desperate to return the brightness back to his eyes. The burn in my throat was almost forgettable in the face of my concern. Almost, but not quite. He turned his head down to write on the paper again.

You said Rosalie played piano. You never learned? He turned to look at me, his expression curious. I shook my head and shrugged, reaching for the pen.

I didn’t think I had the coordination for it. While this was true for the time I was human, it wasn’t true now. Still, even though my days stretched into endless nights, I hadn’t yet devoted time to any instrument as an immortal.

Edward read the paper, his long pointer finger tracing the line beneath the words as he did so. He held his large hand out, and I dropped the pen into it.

I’ll show you sometime. Edward half smiled at me, his eyes sweet and earnest.

Knowing I shouldn’t be allowing him to think making a plans with me was an option, I reached for the pen to tell him that it was alright, but I froze as he suddenly moved to drop the pen and take my hand. Though he should have been the one hesitant and cautious as though approaching a dangerous, wounded animal, I held perfectly still as though he were the danger, and I needed to play dead for protection. You can’t play dead if you are dead, I thought to myself. 

My body tensed as my hand was enveloped in the heat of his much larger palm, uncertain as to what he was doing. My muscles screamed at me as I clenched my free hand into a tight fist, terrified of myself.

A shiver rippled through him as he felt the chill of my frozen fingers, and I twitched the hand in his possession, wanting to yank it away to protect him from the iciness but not wanting to alert him with the swiftness of the motion.

He smiled mysteriously at the spasm as though he somehow expected it. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking but didn’t want to risk breathing. My control could too easily be lost. Besides, I was scared that if I were to open my mouth, I’d end up screaming.

I felt him push slightly and realized he wished for me to curl my fingers, so with great concentration and the acute awareness of his fragility, I moved my stony hand into the shape he directed, my fingers curved slightly beneath his like a relaxed talon. I didn’t like the shape; it was odd and inhuman and made me think of the violence I could cause.

But it wasn’t a claw. Because once my hand was positioned the way he wanted, he began to slowly place pressure on my fingers, and I dipped and rose them accordingly to carefully move with his. I watched as the two of our hands together played what I imagined must be the opening chords to Clair de Lune.

The disconcerting emptiness in my chest soared at the bizarre pleasure of this touch, and a weird sensation tickled my scalp, moving swiftly down my spine to my entire body. 

My muscles tightened violently and then relaxed, sending a shiver to ripple through me. It was too much pleasure and too much pain as my throat ached and I leaned into the warmth.

Embarrassed and not wanting to push my luck, I cautiously pulled my hand slowly away. He lifted his hand to allow me to escape as though I couldn’t just break his hand to do so, a half-smile pulling on his lips. I pretended not to notice the goosebumps on his arms.

See? he mouthed before deciding to whisper. “You could do it.”

I forced myself to smile and then turned away for the rest of the hour, trying to keep from doing anything stupid like looking at him or killing him. I’d completely forgotten where we were.

When the bell finally rung, I collected my things atop the desk hastily. Edward reached for my backpack and held it up for me.

“Thanks,” I murmured as I dumped my books into the bag. Before I could take it from him, he slid it onto his back and nodded his head once for me to go forward.

Feeling awkward, I turned and allowed him to follow me to the door. I was lucky to walk in front of him, taking the opportunity to breath again as the vent blew out in front of my face.

Exiting the classroom, I paused for a second when I saw Emmett waiting for me across the hallway rather than his typical spot beside the wall of lockers next to our shared Spanish classroom. Even though I was well aware of the fact I’d been dangling my irresponsibility in their faces all day, I still felt as though I was being caught in the act.

Emmett’s eyebrows raised as his golden eyes watched Edward follow behind me, carrying my backpack. I crossed the hallway reluctantly towards my big brother.

“Hello,” I greeted him, avoiding his eyes. I felt smaller than ever beside him with my head down, and yet not small enough as I wished to disappear.

“Hey, little sis,” Emmett began uncertainly, though I glanced up to see his full lips were beginning to stretch into a smile that I didn’t like. “Who’s that with you?”

“Uh…”

“I’m Edward Masen,” the lanky human boy introduced himself confidently as he stopped beside me. “And you must be––”

“Emmett,” my brother interrupted, grinning as though he always so comfortably interacted with humans. This was all too weird, but he looked to be enjoying it far too much. His desire to mess with me and his confidence in Alice’s visions seemed to override the abnormality of speaking to a student so amicably. I watched as he breathed in and shot me a meaningful look. I grimaced.

I opened my mouth to put an end to this torturously awkward interaction, but Emmett interrupted again.

“It’s nice to see you made a friend,” he began, an evil glint in his eyes as he watched my face. I was confused as to where he was going with this because our entire family would come across as misanthropic to the rest of the school, so why should it matter to him. He turned his attention to look at Edward who was closer in height to him. “You know, we worry about her––”

“Okay, let’s go to Spanish,” I cut him off quickly. “Edward, can I have my bag, please?”

Without looking at him, I reached for my backpack as he offered it and threw it over my shoulder, heading down the hallway. It was a massive relief to put some distance between myself and Edward. My thoughts were clearer, and I could breathe freely.

Emmett burst into laughter, his guffaws booming in the hallway. Several students paused in fear making me concerned about Edward’s reaction to my giant of a sibling, but I relaxed when I heard Edward chuckling along with him.

“Um, see you,” Emmett said to Edward before his steady, near silent footfall followed after me.

Even moving at a lethargic human pace, he caught up to me quickly.

“That wasn’t funny,” I grumbled.

“What the hell are you doing?” Emmett chuckled, ignoring my question.

“What the hell are you doing? What was that back there?”

“I don’t know. That was weird, but not as weird as you playing with your food.”

I hissed quietly.

“Damn, I’m kidding, Bells. But seriously, what are you doing? What happened to your high and noble speech about doing the right thing and staying away from the kid? I thought Esme was about to produce real tears. It even softened Rose.”

“Ugh, don’t talk to me about Rosalie right now. She’s been giving me dirty looks all day. It makes me feel awful. I already feel bad!”

“Well, I don’t really care what you do either way so––” I looked at him questionably. “I mean, sure, I want you to do the right thing, whatever that means. I don’t want you to feel miserable. But on one end, I didn’t really mind so much what happened to me.”

“Rosalie did,” I countered.

“Yeah, Rose did,” he acquiesced quietly.

“Anyways, I’m not having that conversation. I wasn’t talking to him today to test whether or not he’s worth it. That’s… unethical.”

“So what were you doing?”

“I don’t know,” I groaned in answer.

Emmett laughed.

“You’re weird these days, Bella.”

“You’re weird everyday,” I quipped back before sighing. “I don’t know. He’s weird, too. I guess… I’m not making any decisions, at all, but if Alice told you what she told me… wouldn’t you be curious?”

Emmett thought it over. “Yeah, I think so. But I also don’t think I’d have even made it to this point,” he admitted. I winced.

“It’s kind of unfair for me to care more about satiating my curiosity and dance with the devil this way, right?”

“Well…he may not know it, but isn’t it more so that Edward’s the one dancing with the devil?”

“Yeah,” I agreed, frowning as we walked into our Spanish class. “I guess it is.”

I made the decision to avoid thinking of Edward for the remaining hour of school. I paid very little attention in Spanish, returning to the familiar mind-numbing boredom that classes had been prior to the last few days. Now that it was in stark contrast to the sudden life breathed into my time at Forks High School by my fixation with Edward, the tedium was no longer something dealt with indifferently and sluggishly. Now, it left me feeling restless, and it almost pained me how laborious it was to sit through a life I wasn’t an active participant in. It was nowhere near the pain of dealing with the excruciating thirst I had around my bronze-haired lab partner, but it almost tampered with my thoughts more knowing I’d feel less miserable if I spent this time analyzing every word Edward shared with me, every fluctuation of his tone, every glint in his perceptive eyes, every expression on his pretty face… But I was becoming too obsessive. The same hunger for adventure that made me fall in love with reading must be what was leading me to so treacherously, so impetuously dive into exploring this insignificant and yet cataclysmic difference in my life.

As though it had a personal vendetta against me, time moved even more lethargically than it ever had before, but finally, the bell signaling the end of school rang. Emmett’s eyes shot a concerned look at me as I rose from my seat too quickly, and I immediately felt embarrassed again. The cautious reminder in his expression made me feel childish as Emmett was never one to care much about bending the rules. 

“See you at home, I guess,” he shook his head, giving me one last look that seemed to suggest I’d lost it.

“See you,” I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder. Leaving Emmett behind to wait for Rosalie, I weaved through the crowded hallway and out to the parking lot. Students were bundling together and squealing at the chilling air as tiny, fluffy snowflakes fluttered down from the overcast sky. The floor of the parking lot was almost as glassy as yesterday as the rain from this afternoon had melted into a thin layer of icy mush. Though there was hardly enough snow for a decent snowball fight, some of the rowdier students were bundling up a pitiful pile of snow to form pathetic snowballs in their fists.

I nearly skipped to the pearly white vehicle parked beside Rosalie’s overly conspicuous crimson car which was forming a small crowd of admirers. Leaning against the trunk of the car, I watched the front doors of the school to look for Edward.

The tangle of reddish-brown hair was easy to spot because of its strange metallic tint as he strolled out of the building with Naomi, the student who’d provided him with the information about my family on his first day. He had his coat folded over his arm, revealing how form fitting his light tan turtleneck was. He truly was a very attractive boy. It was odd that I hadn’t really paid much attention initially. With his dazzling face and tall, lean frame, Edward was pretty enough that for the vampires who searched for exquisitely beautiful humans to create into even more stunning immortals, he could probably be a contender for someone to collect.

Thinking of how Emmett questioned my motives today, I quickly banished the idea of Edward as an immortal from my mind, even if it was only a hypothetical inspired by my observation.

Edward paused, asking Naomi if she could hold on to his backpack for a moment. When she grabbed it, he pulled on his long black coat, and fiddled with the collar. Recollecting his backpack, he slid it onto one shoulder, then rubbed his hands together, blowing the warm air from his mouth to heat them up. Thinking of the sweetness of the smell of his breath made me remember to take in swallows of fresh air before he made his way over to me.

As he was distracted momentarily, I watched as a stray snowball flew towards Edward’s head. I was overcome with the urge to intercept it in the event it may hit him too harshly and knock him to the pavement, but flying across the parking lot inhumanly fast twice in one week was probably not the way to go about correcting my mistakes.

The soggy snowball crashed into Edward’s hair, exploding into shards of ice and water that slid down his prominent cheekbone. I laughed aloud at his shocked expression as the curtain bangs framing his face were immediately drenched, darkening his hair into a brown color. Once he’d realized what happened, his face broke into a good-humored smile.

“Holy shit! Sorry, Edward!” The classmate who had thrown the snowball with poor aim called out.

“No worries!” Edward called back. He shook his head, chuckling as he wiped the water from his face. As he laughed, his eyes found the space where I waited and brightened seeing that I, too, was enjoying the moment.

“Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told Naomi, who was too beside herself in tears of laughter to reply.

Edward sauntered over towards me, and I inhaled deeply as a fortuitous whisper of wind blew from the tree line. I held onto the notes of crisp eucalyptus, fresh snow, and cedar wood, trying to distract my mind from the offensively mouthwatering scents approaching me.

Edward was a coordinated human, but even he lost his footing on the icy pavement. His body slid forward for a moment, but I stepped towards him to close the space between us and caught him by the elbow.

He looked up from his boots against the frozen parking lot into my eyes, startled momentarily at the swiftness in which I had appeared. Then, his full lips lifted into a crooked smile that creased his astonishing green eyes into half moons. I let go immediately and took a big step back to ensure a safer distance between myself and the warmth of his fragile body. It had been a risky movement, but somehow in comparison to yesterday, it didn’t seem to matter as much. I figured our classmates were too involved in their gawking at the details of my sister’s car or their feeble, slushy snowball fight to notice, and oddly, I didn’t care that Edward had seen. It was beginning to feel too late to keep up certain pretenses.

Although, it wasn’t too late, and it shouldn’t feel that way. I reminded myself I still had every intention of leaving Edward alone once I’d figured out what was so compelling about our paths crossing that had Alice’s visions spiraling in a confusing jumble. I took another step back slowly.

“Thank you,” Edward said, his eyes humored with another secret he didn’t seem willing to share. “You keep saving me.”

“Well, let’s not make this damsel in distress thing habitual,” I snorted, turning so that he couldn’t see the smile forming on my face. I felt shy about showcasing any comfort or happiness in his presence now that I was reminded of how fleeting this experimental friendship was, but I wondered if subconsciously I wanted him to catch me in my misery and ask me to explain, though I wasn’t certain why I wanted to sabotage myself like that. I opened my door and turned to look at him again. “You coming?”

Before he could answer, I dipped into the driver’s seat, and breathed in one last time. Well, once this was all over, I could finally stop inhaling dramatically as though they were truly my last, dying breaths. The air was mostly clean of his scent, but I knew that regardless, the heat of his body would be enough to disrupt my comfort and control. As the thought crossed my mind, I painfully swallowed back the venom pooling beneath my tongue.

Edward swerved through the crowd obsessing over Rosalie’s car and opened the passenger door, sliding into his seat. As he placed his backpack on the floor and fiddled with his seatbelt, I made sure to adjust the air conditioning so that the heat could warm Edward from the frigid Forks air. Though for me, just being in his presence made the intimate interior of the car feel as though I were again sitting by his fireplace.

“That’s a beautiful car,” he murmured. “Is it an M8?”

“Uh, it’s a BMW?” I asked uncertainly as though he’d spoken another language.

Edward grinned as though he wanted to laugh but didn’t want to make me angry. Rosalie would have loved to answer all his questions if he too had an interest in cars. Would have loved to, if she wasn’t deeply offended by my actions or if I had any intention of Edward meeting any more of my family members.

“Ready?” I bit my lip as I forced out any inconsiderate plots of murder that threatened to distract me from being a defensive driver.

“Mhm,” Edward answered.

I reversed out of the parking slot slowly, but as I looked in the rearview once I’d straightened out, I saw the fleeting image of Rosalie’s exquisitely beautiful and exceptionally angry face. I quickly readjusted the mirror to remove my sister’s reflection and sped out of the parking lot in a way that could have taken out a few unlucky students if I didn’t have above average years of driving experience.

Peripherally, I watched as Edward’s thick eyebrows raised, but he decided not to question me. Once we’d reached the main road, I slowed my speed so as not to rush through this time, even though I knew for his safety and my sanity, I should. As I drove, his right hand moved in odd shapes again against the arm rest of the passenger side door as though he were playing piano once more.

I decided to bite and use up some of my limited air supply.

“What are you playing?”

“Clair de Lune again,” he replied. Then, he began to hum the melody aloud for me as he moved his hand.

I thought to offer to play the song for him through the speakers, but I decided against it as I listened to Edward’s soft, velvety voice hum beautifully through the song, breaking the silence.

The ugly, slush-like falling of snow transformed into a falling of rainwater, and Edward’s voice was orchestrated by a lovely symphony of raindrops.

Before his voice could weave into the more involved moments of the piece, Edward stopped.

I looked over at him, curious for the reason as to why. His face was turned away from me so that all I could see was his untidy bronze hair as he gazed out the window. I pulled in front of his driveway and parked against the curb.

Miraculously, I’d made it again. Carefully, I inhaled through my nose to experiment with my control. The sweet bouquet of the boy’s blood was potent and even more mouthwatering than usual from the snow turned rain that’d wet his hair. I hadn’t considered the possibility that he could smell better than before, and I kept myself from groaning aloud as I dug my nails into my own palms. The tingling sensation in my nose was as though I’d sniffed some powerful chemical, the burning sensation in my throat as though I’d taken a long drag of a cigarette. But more painful. More demanding. Desire, need flew from my core out towards my extremities, and the beating of his heart pumping the blood through his body drummed loudly in my ears. It seemed to move through me, my frigid body almost twitching with every pulse, ready to lunge forward and crush his neck to my lips.

“What was your mother like?” He asked me suddenly, his voice soft. Edward turned from the window to face me, and I was bewildered by the intensity of his expression. His eyes were light and beautiful against the gloomy grey of the sky, and they squinted slightly as though studying my face like this information was absolutely essential. But this was not what stunned me, as I’d already seen the severity of this expression before in our ephemeral time together. It was the unexpected vulnerability of his stunning face. The more time I spent looking at him, the more I realized how beautiful this human boy really was. And it seemed a great tragedy for this beautiful boy to harbor such devastation in his eyes.

Whereas previously in his presence, my thoughts had become incoherent due to a lapse in control, now my thoughts were incoherent in distress and desperation to understand what had gone wrong and how I could fix it. I was momentarily dumbfounded, but I pulled myself together after the soft sound of a few droplets of rain against the roof reminded me that he was waiting for an answer.

“Well, she looked a lot like me, but prettier,” I began stupidly. He raised his eyebrows. “Or at least, she used to look a lot like me, and I used to look a lot like her. I don’t so much anymore.” It’d been so long since I’d really spoken about my mom, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. I knew I should have made some comment about whether or not she looked like Esme or Emmett since our story made us siblings, but I didn’t want to taint the rarity of sharing who she was with a lie.

“She was more outgoing than I am,” I continued, thinking through the foggy memories I held onto from my human life.

“That’s difficult to believe,” Edward teased quietly, his lips curving into a half smile.

I laughed, listening to the melodic sound of it, thinking of how it symbolized how very much different I was now from the human girl my mother knew.

“I was always very shy,” I smiled, before speaking up again, caught in the echoes of my past. “She was brave and irresponsible and slightly eccentric. And she was a very unpredictable cook!”

I laughed aloud again thinking of some minor explosions in our tiny kitchen and some questionable dishes. Edward laughed too, but when our laughter faded into the falling of the rain, my smile faded.

“She wasn’t perfect,” I admitted. “I think I recognize now that she was very fallible. I worshipped her when I was younger, but when I think back, I do see how in some of the ways she raised me, I was done a disservice… I grew up too fast. When she died––“ I sighed, feeling insincere and guilty about perpetuating this lie when I really should have said when I died, “––Esme became more of a mother to me, and even Rosalie’s been more traditionally nurturing than my mom ever was… But still, she was my best friend.”

“You miss her,” he murmured simply. I met his gentle eyes.

“Yes,” I bit my lip.

“How old are you, Bella?” Edward asked. “And not the formulaic, theorized version where you were born in your thirties. How old are you really?”

I tensed, wondering if he was asking this again because he’d taken note of how I didn’t directly answer this question the last time he asked.

“Seventeen,” I answered automatically.

“You don’t seem seventeen,” he responded, reproachful.

The tension left my body at the tone of his voice. I smiled again easily.

“Sorry?” I asked, biting my lip to hide the smile, unsure of how to respond.

Edward chuckled and the subtle crinkles by his eyes lit up his face. “Well, I wish you’d been given a happier, normal childhood.”

“I’m fine,” I shrugged, brushing it off. “I hardly remember most of it, and what I do remember reminds me that I probably didn’t have much chance at a normal childhood to begin with. I was terribly shy, remember.

“I did do girl scouts, though….Oh, and ballet briefly,” I admitted, unsure as to why I was volunteering so much information about myself. Wasn’t the purpose of me sitting here to uncover information about him?

“Why does that make you… embarrassed?” Edward’s eyebrows pulled up.

For an odd moment, I felt betrayed by the flush of my cheeks before I realized there was no blood rushing to my face. I blinked, bewildered by the peculiarity of this long buried instinct to become frustrated with my easy blushes when I hadn’t blushed for years. I felt self conscious as I wondered what Edward saw reading my expression to so perfectly decipher my feelings.

“I was very uncoordinated,” I dismissed his question as I fought the urge for my hand to flutter to touch my cool cheek.

“Now that truly is difficult to believe,” Edward half-smiled. “I can’t imagine I’ve seen anyone as graceful as you.”

I laughed aloud at his compliment, though I didn’t doubt his sincerity. I knew this was true of myself. It was true of all of our kind to appear fluid and effortless, but still, no one had ever applied the word to me. My vampiric poise was irrelevant and unimpressive to my family, and the very few humans brave enough to overcome their nerves to compliment me typically found their words to fail them.

“You’re very odd,” I beamed.

“What do you mean?” The bronze-haired boy asked, again wanting to be let in on the secret. While I had an insatiable thirst, it seemed he had an insatiable curiosity.

“How old are you really? Your word choice is bizarre for someone your age, you know.”

“Oh,” he laughed easily. “Well, I’m actually not seventeen. I’m eighteen. But I’ll try to strictly adhere to a more teenage vernacular, so I can compliment you in a more acceptable way from now on.”

I looked out at the dim light of the brewing storm, my smile fading as I decided that I should probably allow him to escape me before I did something I’d regret. But I knew I wasn’t resolved enough to completely leave him alone. He made me monopolize too much of the conversation, and I wasn’t satisfied with what I knew about him yet.

I sighed aloud, and Edward, too, looked out at the rain darkened sky.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully, making the assumption that our conversation was coming to an end.

“Yes,” I promised reluctantly. My eyes flickered back over to his pretty face, studying the lines of his strong jaw, his chiseled cheekbones, his full lips, committing this inconsequential face to memory as I silently resolved that this should be –– and would be –– one of the last times I’d allow myself to be this close to him. Tomorrow may well be the very last.

Likewise, as though his thoughts were in the same vein, his beautiful green eyes studied my face as well, though he did so in that mysterious way of his where he looked at me as though hoping to read my mind.

He sighed, then collected his backpack. Edward opened the door, stepping out into the bitterly cold weather. A shiver ran through his lanky body, making my body tense with perverse excitement. I cringed away from the deadly instinct and swallowed against the dryness of my yearning throat.

Edward’s tall, lean frame leaned down to peek into the car.

“Goodnight, Bella,” he spoke softly.

“Goodnight, Edward,” I almost whispered, gazing into the beauty of his dazzling green eyes.

Edward smiled his half smile, and closed the door, escaping into the building torrent of rain.

I gasped in relief at his absence, then stiffened realizing how the cab of the car was still heavily perfumed with his scent. I took in another deep breath, forcing myself to confront the burning thirst again, willing myself to manage it. I sighed as I hit the gas, making Edward disappear behind me.

  Both my control and the rain pour strengthened significantly as I turned onto the long drive leading to my house. I grimaced as I wondered how I’d face my family and explain the complete reversal of what I’d promised to do. I didn’t have time to consider for much longer as suddenly, a figure appeared instantaneously in the drive. I slammed my foot on the brake immediately in shock at its appearance, not wanting to total yet another car against one of my siblings.

I peered through the windshield, unable to see through the complete downpour that submerged my vehicle as though it were underwater. It was annoying for my perfect sight to be obstructed by anything, rainwater or even the transparent windshield because of my eyes’ desire to focus on the microscopic scratches.

The car violently screeched against the muddy pavement, and it looked as though we would have to bid this car goodbye until the figure hidden by the storm placed their hands out on the car roughly and forced it to a stop. The tires screamed in protest, and the metal groaned as it warped into the shape of the palms. I listened as it unnaturally bent again in a piercing moan as the figure fixed the indentions they’d created.

My windshield wipers swatted away a flood of water. Finally, I could make out my sister Rosalie, her hair dripping wet down her back like a supermodel who’d just emerged from a pool on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Her exquisite face was absolutely furious.

I gulped, feeling like a child who’d just been discovered sneaking home past curfew.

I felt uncertain as to what to do and why she’d chosen to stop me here. Surely she could wait for us to be under the cover of the garage before she chastised me. Not wanting to be drenched by the rain, I revved the engine to ask her to move aside, but the car didn’t inch forward against her strength. Beginning to feel annoyed, I revved the engine again loudly and for longer, but still, she didn’t move.

“Rose,” I hissed as I hit the brake again so that the car could roar viciously in the storm, only to be cut off by the voice of my adopted mother.

“Girls!” I couldn’t see Esme through the obscured glass behind the downpour, but even with the barrage of the rain, I could hear her lithe steps run furiously to the front porch. “Please!”

Rose’s head snapped up to look in Esme’s direction before turning to glance unhappily back at me. She stepped aside, and I sped into the garage, parking the car hastily.

I exited immediately and went to expect the damage to the front of the hood. It was only a minuscule bend from having been pushed and prodded back and forth, and I was positive Rosalie could make it look like new, though why it had been necessary to punish the car was beyond me. It wasn’t even mine.

I wheeled around once I’d heard the near-silent steps of her run, a wave of anger making me forget my guilt.

“Are you insane?!” I demanded.

“I could ask the same of you, Bella!” Now free from the obscurity of the rain, I could see in perfect detail the stunning fury of her glorious face. Her golden hair had been darkened by the rain, and it was slicked back effortlessly, like a glittering waterfall down to the middle of her back. She looked like a wrathful god, but I couldn’t find it in my stubbornness to care about how valid her anger may be.

“Okay, but did you have to take it out on the car? What did it ever do to you! You couldn’t have waited another twenty seconds to confront me? Well, you have my attention now, Rosalie, so say whatever it is you want to say!”

“You’re just unbelievable, Bella!”

“He’s not going to say anything, Rose! We already talked about this yesterday. You heard Alice! He’s not a threat to you and Emmett, so I don’t understand why you’re taking this so personally.”

“Exactly, Bella. I heard Alice. Which is precisely why I fail to understand as to why you wouldn’t understand why I’d take it so personally. After all these years of sisterhood, how can you not understand how I feel about this?”

I frowned, my forehead puckering, but still, I retained my anger. She huffed, continuing.

“If it was an inevitability, I’d understand. However, it hurts me deeply that you recognize the choice that you have. The choice that Edward has. And still, you’re willing to play with his mortality as though it were a game, when I never had that choice.”

I froze, the realization dawning on me that she was right. No matter the ways in which I tried to justify my actions or spin my intentions, she was right. Another part of my mind acknowledged that while I was aware of right and wrong, I wasn’t certain that what was right would be enough to keep me away anymore.

We stared each other down much like we had yesterday. Only today, rather than anger, her face was contorted in hurt, and mine was contorted in hopelessness.

“But… you found Emmett when he was still human…” I weakly protested, selfishly trying to highlight the irony, though I knew it was pointless as I wasn’t advocating for Edward to be changed either. That was too complicated a thought to wrap my mind around. But whatever may happen –– and I was still very much aware of the worst of possibilities –– I didn’t want my sister to hate me for it.

“He was dying, Bella,” Rosalie whispered. The anger on her face had completely faded, and in its place, pain marked her eyebrows, her full lips, her golden, sad eyes. In her sadness, she looked like a work of art, like one of those paintings of a weeping saint. “It’s not the same.”

I didn’t have a response to that, and I felt as though I was at an impasse, both with myself and with Rosalie. Because I knew the promises I’d made and broken, but I knew the promise I’d made to Edward today, and I had no willpower, no desire, and no intention to break that promise.

“You may not feel anything for him now,” Rosalie began, her eyes intently fierce as they bore into mine to warn me. Only this warning felt significantly more horrible than I’d imagined it may be, because it wasn’t made in anger, but in desperation and love. “But if Alice is right, you will. And it seems to me a horrible way to repay someone you love to steal their life, their future, their soul from them. You should leave him alone now while you still can, because once you love him… it’ll only hurt more one way or another. And you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your existence. I know I have.”

And with that, Rose turned, her face cold and sad, and she left the garage.