death-by-paperwork

[death-by-paperwork]

Gertrude glances at the Compass. "Get back here!" She swiftly snatches up the chain, attempting to prevent the Compass from escaping. As it lands in her hand, the dial begins to spin wildly. Confused, Gertrude looks at it and, naturally, pulls out some paperwork.

Lost and Found Collection Report

Item Number:222

Designation: Ancient Semi-Sentient Compass

Details:Appears to be in a greyed-out state, likely due to the anomalous nature of the Otherworldly Affairs Bureau (O.A.B.) facility. Resembles an ordinary compass with no distinguishing features.

Incident:Something involving pirates I'm sure.

Found Where: By the foot of the "help" desk.

Finder: Gertrude Becht

All items discovered within the O.A.B. premises are to be promptly sealed within an anti-magic field for a duration of up to one month, unless the item is deemed hazardous, in which case immediate destruction will be carried out. If the rightful owner reclaims the item within this period, they will be duly admonished for their negligence in maintaining their belongings appropriately. Furthermore, they will be obliged to complete Lost and Found Form 2B as a requisite step.

@sins-of-the-sea

A compass rolls up to you, vibrates like a little toy while you can hear a squeaky and high-pitched "Mmm! Mmm! Mmm mmm!" before it rolls away on its own.

Yeah. That happened.

[death-by-paperwork]

Subject: Official Memo - Submission Protocol for Formal and Informal Complaints Regarding Displacement of Aquatic Entities by Otherworld Affairs Bureau (O.A.B)

The Otherworld Affairs Bureau (O.A.B) hereby issues a formal communication to all relevant stakeholders regarding the initiation of the reception process for both formal and informal complaint forms. This procedural step has been undertaken in response to a series of events resulting in the displacement of diverse aquatic entities, including, but not confined to, merpeople, Sea Monsters of communicative verity, Sea witches, Pirates of cursed verity, and various other aquatic entities accorded protection under the purview of the Otherworld Affairs Bureau.

It is imperative to duly note and adhere to the regulatory provisions stipulating that solely those entities possessing valid registration under the Otherworld Affairs Bureau are entitled to submit their respective complaint forms. Entities failing to fulfill the registration criteria will unfortunately bear witness to the expeditious and irreversible destruction of their complaint form, executed overtly to ensure absolute transparency and accountability.

The Otherworld Affairs Bureau expresses its sincere appreciation for your anticipated cooperation in this matter. Your expeditious compliance with this procedural mandate is pivotal to the seamless execution of our investigatory processes. We extend our gratitude for your understanding and strict adherence to these official directives.

[death-by-paperwork]

Dealing with the aftermath of the Alien congress hearing.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let's all take a deep breath and relax. Firstly, this whole Alien congress thing is just a wacky sideshow for humans. They're still blissfully ignorant about you, so no need to worry. The guy blabbering about aliens has zero concrete evidence, so you're safe and sound.

Now, for our lovely extraterrestrial clients residing in the good ol' United States (I know, weird choice), the O.A.B has your back. We'll be sending you a nifty pamphlet on how to deal with conspiracy theorists. And remember, the golden rule is to steer clear of them at all costs. No engaging, folks!

For those aliens who decide to break the rules, revealing your true forms in public or forgetting the basics of our U.F.I.P (universalized falsified identification program), brace yourselves for a mandatory educational PowerPoint session led by none other than Gertrude. Trust me, you wouldn't want to miss that 'educational' experience.

If you have any more queries, just shoot them to Gertrude in the inbox. She's our go-to gal for all inhuman services."

[death-by-paperwork]

Meanwhile in the O.A.B confidential communication chatroom.

Gerty:WHO BLEW UP THE MOON? Do You know how busy my week has been?!!

Ethical: You're week?? I'm sorry did you have to deal with five dead idiots giving PTSD flashbacks to the ghosts on the titanic?

Gerty:I know Im sorry you have to deal with that but Ive gotten many complaints from the were community because the moon got blown up. Milly do you have any updates on repairs?

Milly:Luckily we may not have to replace the moon and repairs are possible I found a company called Aperture that has a massive underground facility filled with moon rocks.

[death-by-paperwork]

a comprehensive list of scenarios

feel free to combine multiple prompts or add  “ + reverse ”  to switch roles !   for reference, the one sending in the prompt is the one committing the action.

1.  GUEST :  for one muse to offer the other a place to stay. 2.  STORM :  for both muses to find shelter from a severe storm. 3.  MEDIC :  for one muse to show up at the other’s doorstep injured. 4.  SURPRISE :  for one muse to come home and find the other already inside. 5.  TRIP :  for both muses to road trip or travel together. 6.  BABYSIT :  for one muse to help the other home while they’re drunk. 7.  INSOMNIA :  for one muse to find the other still awake at 3am. 8.  AMBUSH :  for both characters to come under attack by the same enemy. 9.  DANCE :  for one muse to ask the other to dance at a party. 10.  STRANDED :  for one muse to help the other who’s stranded on the road. 11.  SERVICE :  for one muse to cover the cost of something for the other. 12.  SAFEGUARD :  for one muse to save the other from being hit by a vehicle or from some other life-threatening event. 13.  DAZE :  for one muse to wake somewhere and find the other hovering over them. 14.  STOWAWAY :  for one muse to find the other hiding on the same ship. 15.  TAXI :  for both muses to share the same taxi ride. 16.  MAKEOVER :  for one muse to help the other with a new outfit or hairstyle. 17.  LIFEGUARD :  for one muse to rescue the other from drowning. 18.  DISASTER :  for both muses to work together to escape a fire, flood, or other disaster. 19.  TRANSIT :  for one muse to sit next to the other on a public transport. 20.  SPRAIN :  for one muse to carry the other after spraining their ankle. 21.  EMPLOY :  for one muse to be hired as the other’s bodyguard, tutor, assistant, etc. 22.  QUEST :  for one muse to help the other with a task in exchange for compensation. 23.  SOOTHE :  for one muse to calm the other during a panic attack. 24.  RECOVER :  for one muse to return the other’s lost belonging. 25.  UMBRELLA :  for one muse to share their umbrella with the other on a rainy day. 26.  HEAL :  for one muse to nurse the other back to health from a sickness or injury. 27.  NIGHTMARE :  for one muse to comfort the other after a nightmare. 28.  REUNION :  for one muse to run into the other again after a long time. 29.  PRIZE :  for one muse to win the other a prize at a carnival. 30.  NUDE :  for one muse to walk in on the other while they’re changing. 31.  BED :  for both muses to wake in the same bed, naked or fully clothed. 32.  TRAIL :  for one muse to notice the other has been following them. 33.  EVADE :  for one muse to pull the other into an alleyway to escape their pursuer. 34.  THIEF :  for one muse to confront the other after having something stolen by them. 35.  CAUGHT :  for one muse to walk in on the other singing / dancing. 36.  FESTIVE :  for both muses to decorate for a special occasion. 37.  PRESENT :  for one muse to give the other a  (birthday)  gift. 38.  WEARY :  for one muse to wake up after falling asleep on the other. 39.  CAPTIVE :  for one muse to hold the other against their will. 40.  SNAP :  for one muse to yell at or push the other out of frustration. 41.  SLEEPOVER :  for one muse to stay the night at the other’s place. 42.  TRESPASS :  for one muse to trespass on the other’s property. 43.  BREAK-IN :  for one muse to discover the other robbing their place. 44.  MERCY :  for both muses to come across an injured animal. 45.  UNKNOWN :  for both muses to wake and find themselves in a strange place. 46.  ACCOMPLICE :  for one muse to assist the other at the scene of a crime. 47.  ASTRAY :  for both muses to take a detour and lose their way. 48.  RELAX :  for both muses to share a hot tub or hot spring. 49.  MUSE :  for one muse to model for the other’s art project. 50.  ACCOMPANY :  for one muse to give the other an extra ticket to an event. 51.  SALVAGE :  for one muse to retrieve the other’s belongings from a thief. 52.  MEAL :  for both muses to prepare and share a meal together. 53.  CEMETERY :  for one muse to find the other at a gravestone. 54.  REFUGE :  for one muse to shelter the other from enemies. 55.  ARRANGED :  for both muses to date or marry out of convenience. 56.  FAVOR :  for one muse to owe the other a favor. 57.  VACATION :  for both muses to book the same hotel on vacation. 58.  DEFEND :  for one muse to save the other from one or multiple assailants. 59.  CATCH :  for one muse to return the other’s pet that escaped. 60.  RESTRICTED :  for both muses to sneak into someplace they’re not supposed to be.

[death-by-paperwork]

P.S.A: Mother's Day

Well, it seems like it's Mother's Day in the human realm. How lovely. You know, my sisters and I never had the privilege of having a mother. We simply came into existence one day. Our purpose is to maintain order and prevent any major catastrophes from happening. But let's talk about mothers, shall we?

Mothers truly deserve immense respect and admiration for the incredible role they play. They take on the responsibility of nurturing their children, ensuring their well-being, and helping them grow into remarkable individuals. It's a powerful and selfless endeavor that shouldn't go unnoticed.

On this day, some of you might be missing your mothers, yearning for one more opportunity to express your love and gratitude. Take comfort in knowing that your feelings are understood, even if your mother isn't physically present. The bond between a mother and child transcends physicality, and love endures beyond any boundaries.

So, go ahead and honor the remarkable mothers in your life. Show them your appreciation, express your love, and cherish the memories you have. Mother's Day is a special time to celebrate the profound influence and unconditional love of mothers.

[death-by-paperwork]

"I still need your revised file on your vampire specifics.....but for this I'll give you an extension."

✍️

Send ✍️ and I’ll draw your muse!

Paperwork Hell (tm)

[death-by-paperwork]

Are we allowed to reply to dash comms? 👀 just womdering

- @viciouslyfilthy

(of course you are!

[death-by-paperwork]

"Welcome to the Afterlife Assignment Department My name is Ethel, How did you die?"

[death-by-paperwork]

🐝  *  ―  𝑴𝑨𝑮𝑰𝑪𝑨𝑳 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.  (  a random assortment of magic, witchcraft and wizardry related sentences.  feel free to adjust to better fit your muses.  )

❛  i’m a witch / wizard.  ❜ ❛  wanna see a trick?  ❜ ❛  you’re really a wizard / witch? with a wand and broom and all of that?  ❜ ❛  let me just fix up a potion for you.  ❜ ❛  i might need your help with this spell.  ❜ ❛  i don’t think that was the right spell.  ❜ ❛  i’ve never tried that spell before, so i’m not sure it’s gonna work.  ❜ ❛  wanna take a ride on a broom with me?  ❜ ❛  i know just the spell for that.  ❜ ❛  we can’t just modify their memories like that.  ❜ ❛  how does it feel to have magic?  ❜ ❛  can’t you just … i don’t know ― whip up a potion and everything’s fine?  ❜ ❛  there’s black and white magic.  ❜ ❛  if you keep that up i’m gonna curse you!  ❜ ❛  you’re seriously asking me to do black magic?  ❜ ❛  this spell could kill you!  ❜ ❛  i’m powerful … but i’m not that powerful.  ❜ ❛  did you go to a wizarding school?  ❜ ❛  let me take a look at my crystal ball.  ❜ ❛  magic can’t be the solution for all your problems.  ❜ ❛  i’m gonna send my owl.  ❜ ❛  here, let me help. some of these crystals have healing abilities.  ❜ ❛  i know just the spell for that.  ❜ ❛  let’s take a ride on a flying carpet.  ❜ ❛  you’re doing it all wrong. no wonder this doesn’t work.  ❜ ❛  can you feel my magic?  ❜ ❛  not every witch and wizard is bad. there are good ones out there.  ❜ ❛  you don’t deserve to have magic!  ❜ ❛  i’ve got a wicked idea.  ❜ ❛  have you ever tried dark magic?  ❜ ❛  we need to perform a sacrifice for the ritual to work.  ❜ ❛  sometimes i wish i didn’t have these powers.  ❜ ❛  i wish i had your powers.  ❜ ❛  back in the day they used to burn witches … i don’t wanna end up like them.  ❜ ❛  just for the record, most psychics are a hoax. they can’t actually predict your future ― even i can’t do that.  ❜ ❛  have you seen my spell book?  ❜ ❛  promise me to not let dark magic corrupt you.  ❜ ❛  have you ever played quidditch?  ❜ ❛  come on, just teach me some simple spell. please.  ❜ ❛  i wish movies would portray magic more accurately.  ❜

[death-by-paperwork]

Bots terms and conditions

By accessing or using this O.A.B RP blog on tumblr.com, you acknowledge and agree to the following terms and conditions. These terms constitute a legally binding agreement between you and the blog owner:

1. Service Fee: You agree to pay a service fee of $15.00 per hour for each day that you fail to publish any posts on your blog. This fee is due and payable within 30 days of the end of the month in which it was incurred. Failure to pay this fee may result in legal action.

2. Termination: The blog owner reserves the right to terminate your access to the blog at any time, with or without cause, without notice or liability.

3. Governing Law: These terms and conditions shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the jurisdiction in which the blog owner is located.

4. Entire Agreement: These terms and conditions constitute the entire agreement between you and the blog owner with respect to your use of the blog, and supersede all prior or contemporaneous communications and proposals, whether oral or written, between you and the blog owner.

[death-by-paperwork]

"Cruelty free blood? Yes but there is a small service fee on that. Don't blame us though it's the human blood banks that over charge. However we do have a free option no guerentee it's cruelty free though."

"If you are looking to sign up I can start your paperwork now. My names Gertrude by the was I run the Inhuman Services Department."

"Look, sweetie, we ain't the feds. We're an organization that hooks up supernatural beings with all the essential services they need. Think of us as the Cosmic triple A, capiche? Now, dollface, what's your deal?"

@gin-n-chthonic

[death-by-paperwork]

"Look, sweetie, we ain't the feds. We're an organization that hooks up supernatural beings with all the essential services they need. Think of us as the Cosmic triple A, capiche? Now, dollface, what's your deal?"

@gin-n-chthonic

@death-by-paperwork started following gin-n-chthonic

Shit the feds found me. I am Definitely Just A Normal Guy. Nothing supernatural here!

[death-by-paperwork]

O.A.B Supernatural advisory: Dealing with Vampires.

Vampires are a unique and complex species, and interacting with them can be both fascinating and dangerous. As such, the O.A.B has developed a set of guidelines for individuals who may need to interact with vampires in any capacity.

1. Respect: Vampires have their own set of customs and traditions, and it is important to respect these in order to build a positive relationship with them. This may include showing deference to the oldest or most powerful vampire in a group, or avoiding certain topics of conversation that may be considered taboo.

2.Invitation: Vampires cannot enter a home or other private space unless they are invited. If you wish to invite a vampire into your home or other private space, it is important to do so explicitly and without any ambiguity.

3.Blood: Vampires have a unique relationship with blood, and it is important to be aware of this when interacting with them. Never offer your blood to a vampire, as this may be quite rude, After all they have no idea where you have been. If you are attending a social gathering where blood may be served, ensure that it is done in a safe and controlled Environment.

4.Sunlight: Vampires are sensitive to sunlight and may become agitated or uncomfortable, or simply burst into flame in its presence. If you are hosting a social gathering that vampires may attend, ensure that it takes place at night or a shaded/indoor environment.

Authority: If you encounter a rogue or dangerous vampire, it is important to report the incident to the O.A.B immediately. Our trained professionals are equipped to handle all types of vampire-related incidents and can ensure the safety of all parties involved.

By following these guidelines, you can ensure a positive and respectful interaction with any vampire you may encounter in a social setting. Remember, not all vampires are evil, and the O.A.B is always here to assist you with any questions or concerns you may have regarding the supernatural world.

[death-by-paperwork]

jamie out there living the dream

[death-by-paperwork]

She wrote down the information on the back of her file.

"If he seeks me out and I'm unconcealed,

I'll warn him, lest his fate be sealed....Good bye." She turned on her heel and left.

"Uhg I can't believe you are making me do this......" She cleared the throat and started to rhyme.

"In search of a place to flee,

From someone I do not want to see.

Hriob is his name, and he's no friend,

Where can I hide, until the very end?"

[death-by-paperwork]

"Uhg I can't believe you are making me do this......" She cleared the throat and started to rhyme.

"In search of a place to flee,

From someone I do not want to see.

Hriob is his name, and he's no friend,

Where can I hide, until the very end?"

Mildred gave a polite nod and wrote something else down. Scratching out some previous entries. "Okay let's see...feywilds are always so difficult to navigate and you are in no condition to provide accurate information unless we can play a game.." She thought for a moment. "Can you point me in the direction that would lead me to the wrong place?"