#i am sticking to the virgin thing bro i’m sorry i do that with a lot of characters pffftt

[honimello]

all papas general headcanons

basically just headcanons i have about their past, childhood, and personalities! and some other stuff like physical description and personal experiences.

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a/n: these honestly probably might not fit the canon like at all or what some of you might head canon but that’s okay cus i’m just letting my brainrot fester at this point. i left their relationships open ended so there would be imagination room for like an x reader thing lol. also i picked their birth dates based on vibes alone and i know very little about the zodiac signs i just thought it would be fun lol

warnings: angst, vaguely implied abuse, poor childhoods, character death, mentions of sex and sexual orientations, (nihil fucking sucks and sister imperator kinda does too), (also all papas are alive), vague mention of eating issues, mentions of wanting children, mentions of marriage, one nsfw bullet point for each so 18+ MDNI!! also not proofread

primo: 68, born september 14th, 1955 virgo

5’10, around 140ish pounds, blonde with shaved hair, but used to have long hair that he would braid and came down to below his lower back. speaking of his back, he has a hard time standing up straight now so he appears shorter than he is.

his mother was a random woman from a bar, nihil only found out about her pregnancy until she was 7 months pregnant. sister imperator was rightfully very angry finding out about this, but she had her suspicions of his promiscuity. she often took out her anger on primo, especially when he became papa and she gave him more work than he probably should’ve been doing. although, she did slightly lessen up on him around the time when he had taken in copia.

he’s actually quite sad he never really got to meet his mother, but he didn’t have much time to think about it once his brothers started coming along. he stepped up more often than not in taking care of them, he was more of a father (and a mother honestly) than nihil would ever be. and sister never really had any interest in interacting with him or his brothers, except for copia.

speaking of copia, primo found out about him when copia was around 11-12 and he took him in quite fast. it only took one look at that little boy for primo to know it was his brother. when he was younger he used to get a little jealous that sister imperator was so invested in copia’s wellbeing and upbringing given that she had never been a mother to him or his other brothers but primo eventually just found himself feeling grateful copia had a mother, even if she wasn’t a very good one.

when primo became papa he got rid of the prime mover position, seeing how it destroyed sister and nihils marriage as well as his brothers childhoods made him incredibly angry. he also didn’t care for the connotation that women are made to have children and carry on the bloodline only. he’s a romantic (and a feminist), and that notion always made him nauseous.

secondo visits primo the most out of all his brothers, copia often visits too but doesn’t have much time. terzo only really visits when he is having some sort of emotional or personal dilemma that he cant figure out on his own. primo doesn’t mind, he’s willing to help his brothers and see them whenever he can. though in his old age he does get quite lonely and wishes they could make more time for him, but he doesn’t hold it against them.

primo finds himself wanting children now that he’s older, even if he might not be able to bare his own anymore he often entertains the idea of adopting one of the orphans at the ministry. he wishes he had someone by his side as well, and while his random sexual encounters with few siblings are enjoyable, he longs for a more steady companionship.

it’s harder for him to get erections now but still enjoys having sex, even if he doesn’t always come. is very good at oral and fingering and definitely loves to spoil his partner. will probably cry happy tears if someone sucked him off even if he couldn’t get hard all the way, he still enjoys it. can still fuck hard but will probably be very sore afterwards. pls give the old guy a nice warm bath after and maybe a kiss on his wittle head.

secondo: 57, born august 18th, 1966 leo

6’2, around 180ish pounds, brunette but has shaved his head since he was 20, huge resting bitchface even when he was a baby, muscular but has put on some pudge since becoming papa.

his mother was the first prime mover in around 100 years, she was a sibling of sin who nihil had a passing attraction towards and decided to torture sister imperator by naming her prime mover. she died giving birth to secondo. secondo blames himself, and tends to despise himself because of this.

in his teenage years he often spent sleepless nights crying for her, how much he wished he could’ve met her or at least seen her as there were no pictures of her. he wondered if she would love him, be proud of him, or fight to be his mother like terzo’s mother did. or if she would leave and never come back like primo’s. now, in his older age he has come to reconcile with the fact that he will never know. but even though he never got to know her, he still misses her dearly.

after secondo loses his papacy, he throws himself into ministry work. he works long hours, well into the night and spilling over into the weekends. he’s an archivist and restoration expert, working on artifacts important to the church. he feels like this is the only way he will not go insane. he loves terzo but he does not believe him to be ready or fit to be papa when it comes terzo’s time. and he is partially right, as terzo definitely lets the power go to his head but over time he becomes more in control. secondo finds himself feeling sorry for his little brother when terzo loses his papacy, it was wrong of sister imperator to take it away from him like that and secondo hates to see what losing the limelight has done to his brother.

secondo is known around the ministry for his intimidating visage and aura, as well as his wrath. but what people don’t pay attention to, is just how often he bites his words. he has worked very hard to keep his anger at bay, even going to therapy to find more healthy ways to cope with his trauma and rage. in fact, he does his best to be polite and kind to everyone in the ministry. but his kind is different than others kind, he comes off as cold and calculating. his emotional range is very limited and he finds himself struggling to open up to anyone. the only person he’s ever opened up to was primo, and even then it isn’t really opening up if his brother can just read him like a book. secondo often doesn’t have to say much for primo to understand what he’s going through. primo helps him through it regardless, as he’s always done since secondo was a baby.

secondo isn’t sure if he would want kids of his own, but he does love children very much and is very good with them. he often volunteers to run events for the orphans at the ministry.

he would like to fall in love but thinks he is much too old and not nearly attractive enough to find a long term partner. has flings here and there with some siblings of sin but they aren’t very serious. he isn’t sure if he’s really quite ready to give up the party life yet no matter how much his aching bones say otherwise.

does frequent bars and clubs to feel like he’s still a part of the scene after losing papacy, but it doesn’t quite feel the same and most nights he leaves drunk, angry and alone. the few nights when he finds company are not as fulfilling as he hopes they would be, and it isn’t the other persons fault it’s his. he feels so melancholy now it’s hard to focus on simple pleasures like sex, especially when he hardly has the time with how hard he works. he often lays away most nights wishing he could’ve done better as papa, even though he knows people love him and respect him he still feels like he never quite did enough. he feels like he isn’t enough.

loves sex, and can get quite rough but is very, very good at aftercare. definitely not picky about sexual partners but tends to prefer people who are shy cus he enjoys bringing them out of their shells and getting them to snap at him. secretly wants to be fucked and dominated.

terzo: 54, born june 12th, 1969 gemini

5’3, around 120ish pounds, black hair like nihil and wishes he looked more like his mother who was a redhead, definitely spot treats grey hairs, hates the idea of getting old and is very insecure about having wrinkles, is quite small but still a little chubby, though he lost lots of weight since losing papacy. might be bigender or genderfluid but is afraid to really think about it too hard.

his mother was also a prime mover, but she fought to be in his life even as sister imperator tried to push her out. she was a very loving mother who did everything she could to teach him to be a good man, to be nothing like his father who she had come to despise. she taught him many things, she taught him how to dance, to draw and to cook. he loved her very, very much and it tore him up when she passed. he was 14 years old, and that’s when he decided to put up a façade. he did not want to be vulnerable anymore, he didn’t want to have to be sad or scared at least not where anyone could see him.

primo often held him in his bed when he would cry about losing his mother, he had nightmares for years. he vowed to himself to not let himself ever be so vulnerable in front of any one again. to this day thinking about her kills him little by little, though he is much better at expressing his feelings.

his flirtatious and playful persona is something he really relies on in his older age, he thinks it’s all he’s really good for anymore. a show and a good lay. and when he loses his papacy he absolutely crumbles. the persona completely falls away and he hides himself in his quarters most days. he loses weight and wallows, he becomes enraged by fate but he finds he could never really be mad at copia for taking over, it’s not his fault anyways.

in his teenage years he was quite promiscuous and took on many lovers, and while he still has casual flings with some siblings of sin, he never lets partners overlap anymore. he’s a gentle soul at heart and he learned that very fast, he can’t stand seeing someone upset, even if he’s only attracted to them in a more primal way it would kill him to see someone upset because of him.

i believe he is very loyal and if he were to get into a relationship with someone, even if they didn’t state that they were exclusive, he would still ere on the side of caution and not have sex with anyone else. i think if he were in love he would be hopelessly devoted, he’s more sensitive than he tends to let on and cheating is not something he would let himself do. maybe when he was young, he might’ve slipped up somehow, but not now. he’s much too intelligent and much too mature, he’s grown and he knows how to control himself now.

and while he does have quite a lot of sex, i think the sheer abundance of partners has been greatly exaggerated through false rumors and gossip. people tend to lie about having slept with him just for the five seconds of fame it brings them, and that often causes problems with people thinking he has cheated on many people.

is terrified of marriage but longs for it desperately, he wants to feel like someone wants him for him and not because he is/was papa. he’s not sure if he wants kids, he’s horribly afraid of being a bad father.

is horrified of being like nihil in any way, and nearly throws up when someone mentions that he has the most resemblance to nihil out of all his brothers.

is a huge giver sexually, could literally come from just watching someone else come. loves to overstimulate and go above and beyond. doesn’t really require someone to reciprocate and take care of him as well but it is deeply appreciated as he can also be quite the pillow princess.

copia: 52, born october 15th, 1971 libra

5’8, around 130ish pounds, light brunette hair that is going grey at the sides, is very petite but with a softness to him especially around his belly, hips, and thighs, he has light freckles all over his body,

he was an accident, sister imperator never meant to get pregnant but she had planned to tell nihil about the baby until she had caught him with yet another sibling of sin. she decided it would be better for copia to grow up as an orphan in the church, and to be raised by her secretly. copia didn’t even find out she was his mother til primo had found him and taken him in at age 11. sister often pushes copia to work harder, her hopes for him to become papa one day slowly begin to become his hopes as well. and it’s hard for him to say if he really wants the papacy or if he just wants her to be proud of him.

he grew up very lonely and outcast, the other orphans in the ministry thought him strange and unappealing. he had been told from a young age that he was ugly and weird. now that he’s older, he’s since found out that he’s autistic, but he knows that’s not the entire reason they didn’t like him. he thinks maybe he really is just strange and ugly. and as a young boy, when he’d found a rat scavenging for food outside of the ministry, he thought to himself he’d finally found a friend who was like him. unloveable and unwanted. misunderstood.

growing up he never understood the importance put on sex and romance, it isn’t until he’s older that he realizes that he’s demisexual and demiromantic, but it doesn’t really phase him. he never really cared about those things, he doesn’t care that he’s old now and hasn’t had sex, it’s not something he would want unless he really loved someone and had a deeper connection to than just passing lust. although, at night he often dreams of meeting someone he could have a connection with, and those nights are the only ones he really partakes in lust alone in his bed. dreaming of something that could be, but in his mind, is more likely to be just a dream.

when he becomes papa he is terrified, not only of the immense pressure on him to be the best he can be and do good for the church but also of losing himself. yes, he loves the new attention this is giving him and yes, he loves feeling important now. but something just doesn’t sit right in his stomach. again, he’s not sure if he really wanted to be papa anyway or if he just wanted to complete a goal that was thrust upon him at a young age. he tries not to let his papacy change him, and for the most part all it really changes is it brings him out of his shell a little more. he begins talking to more siblings and higher clergy members, but like always, he ends up lonely. they’re never quite interested in copia and more interested in papa, and he doesn’t understand because to him they are one in the same.

his stage presence is very different to his real presence, he likes to let out his “wild side”, as he calls it, when he’s on stage. he feels more comfortable, more free to be sexual and flirty, as well as quite commanding, when he is in front of the crowd. mostly because he knows they like him, that they’re there to see him. it gives him quite the confidence boost, in his performance and his personal life. he doesn’t get quite as depressed as often as he did as cardinal but now his depression holds much harder topics to grasp. things like his identity and where he belongs in the grand scheme of things, and if he will turn bitter like terzo when he eventually is traded in for a newer papa. he hopes not, but envy was a sin that often came easily to him.

is terrified of aging in a similar way to terzo, he feels like he is already very ugly and now that he is getting older he feels like he is becoming even more unattractive. he tends to avoid mirrors as much as possible because his reflection nauseates him, he hates his face and his body with a burning passion.

he does not indulge in the willingness of siblings like his brothers do, while his stage presence may suggest he is a sexual person (which he is honestly) he hasn’t felt any sexual attraction to any sibling of sin so far. most of which only really approach him because he is papa, and while he has no problem with guiding and helping his flock, he does have a problem with it when they ask for him to fuck them. it’s not something he wants.

is also the only papa to not participate in sexual rituals and black masses, though he does oversee them and encourage siblings of sin to participate if comfortable. he celebrates others choice to lust but doesn’t feel tempted to lust for anyone else.

when he is in a relationship with someone, and he does feel sexually attracted to them, he is incredibly eager. he has done his research i can assure you, countless videos and articles on sex and hours of “research” watching porn of the porniest variety. he gets quite horny, and before his partner he masturbated quite often, he isn’t innocent by any means. he is a virgin and is quite awkward, tends to fumble and trip over himself a lot but he isn’t subtle about wanting someone when he does want them. definitely a switch, pls someone peg this guy.

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hope you liked these!! and if u have any questions or just wanna indulge me in conversation, i would love to talk more in depth about these headcanons!!!

[bokutoslittlebird]

miya twins and their 19 year old virgin little sister, samu probably caught you trying to fuck yourself and let your dildo be your first since a lot of your friends are teasing you for being a virgin and then atsumu caught you red handed, watching porn. and what would happen if one of them got you preggo? too horny to even think about anything, sorry birdie-san ㅠㅡㅠ

DIVINE. DELICIOUS. you know that audio with the cats? That was me when I read this

Warnings : pregnancy, cunnilingus, f. masturbation, porn video (briefly), a pink dildo, dubcon, incest, manipulation

It’s your nineteenth birthday and while you had a wonderful party with your family, you still feel so young and small. Your brothers are both attending colleges for their own career paths, but you’ve just got out of high school and have no idea what you want to do! You’ve been babied by your brothers, so you don’t have a clear view of the future for yourself that doesn’t include Atsumu and Osamu by your side.

One thing bothered you though: you were still a virgin. Thanks to your brothers, boyfriends were a foreign concept to you. All your friends lost their virginities before their birthdays, but your last friend lost her virginity on her birthday, a present from her boyfriend. You were slow to coming to the party and you told them you’d have lost it by the time your birthday came around, even getting a boyfriend!

A boyfriend quickly discarded by the brooding brothers of yours. A sneer from Atsumu and a glare from Osamu had his tail between his legs. Truly, a shame. You knew your friends would tease you again for the lack of a boy in your life, so you decided to, uh, pretend. A dildo was similar to a penis, right? That’s why they existed.

You didn’t know it’d be so hard! You have to have an orgasm to properly lose your virginity, that’s what your friends said. Pumping the silicone piece into your tiny cunt was harder than expected, only fitting half in before you started to pump it. It sent a tingling down in your tummy, but it was more effort than expected. Noises or frustration mingled with your forced moans, whining as your wrists started to hurt.

Osamu was doing his homework when he heard you make a noise of frustration, huffing and puffing. He didn’t pay too much attention to it, but then you made a similar noise. So, time to investigate. He wouldn’t want you to exert so much energy, you’re his baby sister! He expected to see you trying to get something off a high shelf, your shirt riding up to show your smooth stomach or you to be under your bed, shorts-clad— even better, panty-clad rump in the air. He did not expect to see you on your bed, legs spread and pumping a pink silicone dildo into your cunt. If only that was his—

“‘Tsu- ‘Tsumu,” you moan out, biting on your lower lip. Osamu’s mouth drops into a frown, growling at his twin’s name dropping from your mouth. You turn to look at the door, suddenly opened only to be slammed shut.

A startled gasp makes him stop in front of you, eyes burning with an unknown desire. “‘Samu! What’re you doing?” He just looks at you, eyes glancing at your hand still between your legs. Your eyes go down, shame burning in your face. “I’m trying to be a big girl. I wanna lose my virginity,”

“Why didn’t ya ask me?” He asks, putting his weight on your bed. You panic and close your legs, moving the dildo out of you. “And why ya callin’ out ‘Tsumu’s name? Huh? Am I not good enough?”

“N-No! That’s not it! ‘Samu, you’re scaring me!” You cry out, his large hands spreading your legs. Your puffy pussy is fully on display for him, his eyes noticing the lack of slick. “Don’t hurt me!”

“I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m gonna help. Wanna be a big girl? I can help,” he says. He doesn’t move, though, waiting for your permission. Even though you’re hesitant — he’s your brother! You’re nodding your head, fingers soon finding themselves in Osamu’s darkened hair. He stopped dying it, so it’s completely natural again. His face is buried in your cunt, lapping at your folds as your moans aren’t forced, head thrown back as Osamu tongue fucks you. When he sticks two fingers into you, he doesn’t expect you to be so wet, a drastic difference from moments ago. He moves to wrap his lips around your clit, walls tightening as you finally release on his fingers and face.

When Osamu comes up, he’s licking his lips while you pant. “Did.. did I lose my virginity?” You ask him, tears clinging to your lashes.

“What d’ya mean?” You explain what your friends told you, all while he strips off his shirt and peppers kisses on your stomach, rising your shirt up as he does. “Nah, I gotta cum inside if you wanna lose it. You gonna let me do that?” The no hesitation in the nodding of your head has him grinning, straightening himself as he rubs his hardened cock through his pants. Today, fantasy becomes reality. “Alright, I’ll go slow,”

Even with his slow sinking into you, you’re gasping and clinging to his biceps for dear life, tears staining your pillow as he splits you open. He’s far bigger than the dildo, but the slick from your orgasm makes it much easier for him to slide in. He kisses your cheek, telling you how good you are. It’s the little praise that has you encouraging him to keep going, and he does. He keeps pushing in until he’s bumping against your cervix, almost completely inside of you. Your legs tighten around his waist, keeping him locked against you.

“Don’t worry, lil sis. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he shushes, brushing your tears as he stays still. An occasional hiccup has his heart hurting, but he knows you’ll feel good eventually. Well, even if you don’t, he’ll start. When your legs loosen, dropping back to the plush bed, he starts moving. He’s still slow, spreading your walls for his thick cock as you continue to adjust. It’s not until you’re begging him for more does he pick up the pace, slamming his hips against yours. He has to cover your mouth so you don’t alert the whole house he’s fucking you, your screams of pleasure coming out. They’re muffled, but he can hear how much you’re enjoying it. It urges him to go even faster, grunting as he chases his own high.

Another screams rips from you, walls tightening as you cream on his fat cock, eyes rolling as toes curl. It’s enough to send Osamu over the edge, groaning as he buries himself even deeper inside, pumping you full of his cum, you milking every drop. He kisses you, your panting mouth perfect for him to give you a passionate kiss, staying deep inside you. He breaks the kiss, “I love ya, little sis,”

“Love you, too, nii-san,” you smile, kissing him again.

It’s all you ever wanted, to be a big girl. It also brings you and Osamu closer together, you often bouncing around the idea to help him in his shop once he gets it set up. When you go into his room, the door locking behind you, you miss the way Atsumu glares. He has a feeling you’re not studying with Osamu, but there’s nothing to suggest otherwise.

Well, when Osamu is late from coming back from college, Atsumu is the only one home. It’s a small breath of fresh air, relaxing his tired muscles after a long practice match. When he hears small grunts and moans from your bedroom, he goes to investigate. You shouldn’t be home, let alone have anyone with you. The creaking of the floorboards doesn’t stop the noises from your room, Atsumu’s curiosity spiking. Peeking into your open door, he sees you on your back, legs spread open as your laptop plays an obscene video, the moans and grunts coming from the speakers. Your occasional moan is muffled by the shirt hem in your mouth, but it’s dropped when you moan out Osamu’s name, eyes rolling back as your fingers work on your clit.

Atsumu glares at the mention of Osamu’s name, shutting the door that has you jumping and struggling to explain yourself. “Ya think ‘Samu’s better than me? Is that it?” They’re so similar, it’s striking. The hungry eyes, full of anger and lust, they look so much like Osamu’s, but the light blond hair reminds you it’s Atsumu. “What’re you- Yer watchin’ sibling porn? Thinking of your big brother? ‘S that it?”

“No, it’s not what you think, ‘Tsumu!” Unlike Osamu, Atsumu’s one to take what he wants. He moves the laptop off the bed, spreading your legs as you squirm and struggle. “Lemme go!”

“Brats like you need to be put in place, don’t’cha know? You’re fucking soaked, getting off on your big bro that much?” You’re crying and still trying to kick him off, but it just turns him on even more. You’re still innocent and so naive in his eyes, it’s nothing for him to just take that from you. His cock is already hard, begging to sink into your warm depths. “You gonna let me fuck you? It’ll be like that video you were watching,”

You’re shaking your head, pushing at his chest as he leans down to press kisses to your neck. “C’mon, lil sis. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You trust me, right?” It’s a question that has your movements stopping, glossy eyes looking at Atsumu. He’s smiling, your big brother not showing any hint of malice. You sniffle, his thumbs swiping away the silver droplets on your cheeks.

“As long as you promise not to hurt me, okay ‘Tsumu?” You ask him, big doe eyes of innocence as you look at him. He grins and kisses your lips, licking your bottom lip. A whispered breath of ‘wouldn’t dream of it’ is all you hear before his mushroom head is pushing at your entrance. He’s just as big as Osamu, but it’s still hard to take in. You’re nice and slick, though, Atsumu notes. All from watching some incest porn, it’s almost funny to him how all you had to do was ask, no reason to hide it! Him and Osamu have been dreaming of keeping you all to themselves, there’s no reason for you to hide your desires.

Once he’s bottomed out, he doesn’t let you adjust, immediately pulling out to thrust back in. It’s sharp and rough, knocking the air from your lungs as your head gets thrown back. Atsumu’s quick to attach his lips to your neck, sucking the flesh and digging his teeth into the skin. It’s a way to show he’s claimed you, as if he doesn’t plan on coming inside. That’s his goal — mark you inside and out. With your arms above your head, grasping the pillows, there’s no reason for him to not. Licking his thumb, he presses it to your clit and flicks it, sending shockwaves through you as you scream and cream around his cock, thighs tightening around him. He’s not too far behind you, rutting against you as he paints your insides white, sending you into another orgasm, juices spraying against his abdomen.

“Lookie there! You just squirted all over me,” he chuckles, rubbing your shaking thighs. You’re overstimulated, so he doesn’t push another round. There’ll be time for that later.

A week later, you find yourself in a dilemma when your clothes won’t fit. Worried about gaining weight, you confide in your big brothers who give you a test. “Just pee on it. It’ll tell you if you’re overeating,” they said. They’ve never lied to you before! When those two lines pop up on the plastic tool, you show it to them, confused. They tell you you’re pregnant, but then comes the question. Who’s the dad? Really, does it matter? They have a lot of love to give you and they’re twins. Your child is gonna look like both of them no matter what.

[anightflower]

Come and Find Me

Chapter Two: Paint It Black

Hello Loves! Just to let everyone know, my chapters go from flashbacks to present day! Thank you all for sticking with me and I am sorry this chapter is posted a bit late! 

Spencer Reid x Reader 

Warnings: Mentions of Gore, violence, swearing

Read Chapter One Here 

He had spent several hours outside your window, trying to figure out the next phase of his plan. But once the Doctor had arrived and swept you into his arms, he had decided to go home. Not back to his apartment, that was the place he resided. His home was a place nobody could know about. 

It was a place for only him and his mentor Drew. 

He walked into the kitchen to find Drew cleaning up his knives. “Hey little brother, out with your girl again?” Drew asked with a mischievous smile. 

Little brother was Drew’s nickname for the boy, they weren’t blood-related, but being 7 years younger than Drew, he had taken the boy under his wing.

“Yeah, until her stupid fucking doctor came.” the boy replied. 

“Don’t worry about the Doctor, your time will come.” Drew reassured. “Come, sit, I just finished up making dinner.” 

The boy sat down, pushing aside Drew’s papers so he had space to eat.

“Ah, ah,ah, you’re going to want to look at those. Those papers contain all the fun things you need to know. I’m not teaching you all of this for nothing huh?” Drew smiles, placing the papers back in front of the boy, alongside a bowl of stew.

“Do you really think this will work?” The boy asked, glancing over Drew’s explicitly written notes.

“Don’t worry little brother, this whole thing is trial and error.” Drew reassured. “Don’t be intimidated I’ve had this whole thing planned for a while and she won’t be the first, she can be our finale-” Drew was interrupted by a scream. He rolled his eyes. “Goddamnit, this bitch just never shuts up. I wanted to surprise you with her, but now she spoiled it.” 

The boy gave Drew a curious look. Drew chuckled. “Come on little brother I will show you.” Drew led the boy down to their basement. “After she’s gone, I’ll soundproof the basement better. I just needed an idea of how loud these whores will scream.”

The color drained from the boy’s face as his gaze fell on the woman. She was tied to Drew’s metal table, she looked like one of the frogs that the Boy had to set up for dissection for Professor Irving’s class, except she was very much alive, and slightly bloodied. 

“Meet trial number one little brother, she looks quite like your girl huh? I think all of em’ should just so you can be prepared for your finale with her.” Drew turned to the Boy. “Surprise.”

“How long has she been missing?” the Boy asked, panicked. How could Drew not warn him? “Relax, like I said she’s trial one. Just a corner whore, no one will even notice she is gone. The next one will be the real challenge, I want to find one exactly like your girl and I already found her, this one we will just pump and dump. Did you get those chemicals from your professor like I asked?” 

The Boy nodded “It all in my backpack.” The Boy couldn’t drag his eyes away from the girl on the table. Yes she had your hair and eye color, but she was a hideous thing compared to you. A mere whore could never compare to you. “If she’s a whore I don’t want to touch her. I’ll try the next one.”

Drew huffed. “Fine, you only have to watch this time virgin boy. But next time, I expect you to be hands on. I’m not doing all this work for nothing.”

The Boy’s face was emotionless the whole time he watched Drew, even when the blood spurted, even when the girl looked at him, pleading for help. Even when she stopped breathing and the chemicals he brought were used to melt her flesh. 

The Boy felt nothing.

________________________________________________________________

There was an extra flounce to your step as you made your way to your favorite cafe. Maybe it was because you had successfully hired a few new employees to help your company flourish, maybe it was because one of them had already settled a new deal in Ohio, or maybe it was because you knew Spencer was coming back from a case today. 

Hell, you had just had a fantastic day and you needed to update Ava and grab your favorite mocha latte to top it off. And maybe it was your 4th coffee of the day, but so what?

Your face lit up even more when you saw Ava. “Hello my darling best friend.” You said causing Ava to grin. 

“Hey there babe, what’s got you so preppy today?” Ava asked. 

“Well, let’s see; I hired 3 new employees who already are fantastic, one of which already booked us a design job in Ohio. Oh and my superhero hot boyfriend is coming home from a case tonight.” You grinned.

Ava rolled her eyes. “I still can’t believe you told him I call him that. I wanted to dissolve into the floor and simultaneously kick your ass.” She laughed. “As for the new employees, are any of them hot? Single? Oh and Ohio is good I guess.” 

You giggled. “Well Thomas is incredibly handsome, but I am afraid his soon to be husband might want to have a word with you if you try anything. As for the other two, Aiyla and May, I think you’ll find them stunning and single.” 

Ava wiggled her eyebrows. “Don’t tempt me girl, you know I swing both ways. Anyway, grab a seat, I’ll grab your coffee and bring it out to you. I get off early today so we can actually talk to each other rather than me hopping back and forth between the counter. James gets to hold down the fort with Emma and the newbie Jane today.”

“Well, maybe Jane will help him get out of his shell.” You hoped. Ava shrugged. 

“Maybe, anyway, Ohio?” Ava questioned.

 “Oh! Yes. My new minions are sketching our designs as we speak. The company is called Ohio technological, a very original name yes-” You said as Ava snorted. “But they’re trying to create an office space like Google, however I am going to one up that and add my own spin to it. Also your girl has a fantastic budget from this company and I am being paid bank!” You squealed.

Ava squealed with you, grabbing your hands and squeezing them tight. “(Y/N) that’s fantastic! I am so proud of you girl, you’ve been working so hard on this and I am so glad it’s all working out.” 

“There is one downside though.” You said with a sigh. “I have to get my plans to them by next week and once they approve of them, I have to head to Ohio for three weeks. After that I will just have Thomas overlook the project and tie up any loose ends. Either him or I will have to fly down and check in on the progress every couple weeks until then.”

 “Could be worse though.” Ava shrugged.

“That’s true, but Spencer and I have been dating for almost 3 months and half the time we can’t see each other. I’m worried that the distance will ruin us.” You confessed.

 Ava's face went completely serious and she grabbed your arm gently. “(Y/N, I have never seen a boy more in love with you. You have never seemed happier in your life. You two will make it work I promise. You’re both so in love it makes me sick.” You snorted out a laugh and Ava smirked.

 “Like I said, if he has a brother-” 

“AVA.” You groaned.

 _______________________________________________________________

The boy burst through the door, startling Drew. 

“Yo, what the fuck man?” Drew hissed. 

“She’s leaving. Fuck, fuck, fuck Drew. She’s leaving.” The Boy slammed the door shut, he leaned against it and slid down, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey little bro, take a breath, what happened?” Drew came over and pushed the boy’s hands away from his face.

“She’s leaving me Drew. For three weeks! She’s going to Ohio for THREE WEEKS. 21 days, almost a month! I won’t see her and when I do she will probably be with that goddamn doctor! What do I do?” The boy cried. 

“That fucking whore, it’s like she knows she’s making you suffer. She’s probably reveling in it. Don’t worry. While she’s gone, we will perfect our craft and get you ready. Then when she comes back you’ll strike.” 

Drew reassured the Boy, pulling him in for a hug.The Boy pulled away, dragging an arm across his tearful eyes. 

“You promise?” 

“I swear it.” Drew growled. 

________________________________________________________________

Present Day

“Garcia what did you find?” Reid asked, pleading that it would be a reliable lead. 

“Something that you won’t really like Reid.” Garcia said seriously, her usually bouncy personality was flat. “Something about your gift irked me, I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but then I remembered; the Curtis case.” 

Spencer’s heart fell into his stomach. The Curtis case had happened a few months after Spencer had started dating you. It had happened right here in Quantico, which terrified Spencer, especially since you fell perfectly under the unsubs victimology; 20-30 year old females with (Y/C/H) and (Y/E/C), successful middle class women who lived alone for one reason or another. You had luckily been out of town for a business trip at the time, working on an office design for a company in Ohio. 

Spencer remembered a phone call he had with you one night during the case. He had called you after finding yet another dead victim, raped and torn to pieces, whore scribbled all over their wall in their blood. It had made him sick, because all he could picture was you in their place.

It was late when he called you, but he had just needed to hear your voice and know you were okay. “Hi baby, are you alright?” Your voice was sleepy, but concerned, you had kept up with the news and had heard about the horrible murders going on while you were gone.

 “Not really, but I just needed to hear your voice. There’s a sick selfish part of me that is so glad that you aren’t here (Y/N). All of these girls look so much like you-” Spencer paused, you could hear the tears in his voice. “I just am so glad you are safe, I don’t think I could focus as well on this case if I knew you could possibly be in danger.”

 “Aw Spencer, I am so sorry baby. You aren’t sick or selfish for wanting me to be safe, everyone focuses on the safety of those they love, it’s only human. I know you are going to catch this guy, you are the most brilliant man and agent I have ever met. Just don’t tell your team I said that, I don’t want a bad reputation before they even meet me.” You teased, trying to lighten his dark mood.

 It had worked slightly as you heard him let out a small laugh followed by a sniffle. “Listen Spence, I can stay here a bit longer if it will help you focus, but when I come home I am taking self-defense classes and such. I want you to have a sane mind knowing that your girlfriend actually can handle herself. I honestly think it will help me keep sane too, after hearing everything about this case.” 

Spencer paused and thought for a second, part of him wanted you as far away as possible, while the other part just wanted you in his arms. “I appreciate you considering me, but I want the ultimate decision to be made by you Princess, I trust your judgement and I don’t want you living your life based on my fear.” 

You breath caught in your throat at the sentiment. “I love you Spencer Reid.” 

“I love you more (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” A true smile beamed across his face, you guys had never said that to one another before and it meant just as much over the phone as it would in person.

Spencer flashed back to the present. “Andrew Curtis is in jail right now with three life sentences, how could this have anything to do with his case?”

 Garcia cringed a bit, “His calling card.” The words hit Spencer like a ton of bricks, how could he have not seen it before?

The gift box, the red bow, the eyes scratched out of the picture, that was exactly what Curtis had sent to his victims before they were attacked by him. Most of the women had thought it was a prank, a way to scare them into submission, they were incredibly wrong.

“So what could it be, a copycat?” Emily asked.

 “That is a possibility, they are using the exact same delivery company Andrew Curtis used, I found this on the security footage.” Garcia pulled up an image of a man wearing a uniform; it was a hideous orange color with the words “Swiftly Delivered” on it, khaki shorts, and white tennis shoes. 

“You think the company would have shut down or at least redesigned their hideous uniform after all the association with Curtis.” Emily mumbled.

“Well, I think in this case it’s lucky they didn’t, that way we could easily find the connection.” JJ said.

 “How could something like that have gotten cleared by security?” Rossi wondered aloud. “You think someone would have possibly recognized it, the case is still pretty fresh.” 

“Well, the box had no threat, no weapons, they must have just scanned it and sent it through. Alyssa was the one who brought it up with the rest of the mail. She said nothing seemed off about it when she brought it up, she just thought it was someone who was sweet on our pretty boy.” Morgan explained.

“Everyone is just so invested in my love life that we miss obvious clues.” Spencer growled frustrated.

“Well, at least we have a lead.” Hotch interrupted. “JJ, Morgan, I need you guys to head over to Swiftly Delivered. Ask them about their past customers and see if they can remember our unsub. Emily, you and Reid head over to (Y/N)’s apartment and see if you can find anything. Rossi and I are going over to talk to Curtis.”

“Hotch, I need to talk to Curtis.” Reid protested. “If he knows anything about (Y/N)-”

“No Reid. You know (Y/N)’s apartment better than anyone. You will notice if anything is wrong.” Hotch explained sternly.

“Hotch-” Reid argued. 

“No. I don’t trust Curtis, he seemed too interested during his original case. If he knows something, I can’t have him getting under your skin. Reid’s head fell in defeat. “But-” Reid’s head shot back up. “If you guys finish before us. Meet us at the prison.” Hotch ordered. 

Hope filled Reid’s eyes.

TAGLIST

@andiebeaword @haylaansmi @parkastoria @possessedjoker @amronsparty @generaltheoristexpert @sierraraeck @coniumalces @tamedbyafox @anotherr-fine-mess @adoregin @rainsong01 @canyonnmoonn  @mggshoe @boxofsparklingmuses @richardpapensmuse @deanlenaz​ @rainsong01 @goldentournesol @annesauriol @itsametaphorbriansblog @secretpickleprofessordean @shameleswhorehourstm @stepsofthefbi​ @iifloweringnightsii

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

another unsolicited relationship advice post:

okay. i know that there’s probably thousands of relationship advice posts on here. but anyway. to my younger followers, if i have any:

if anyone that you’ve just met declares that you’re “girlfriend material” or “boyfriend material” and that you must simply meet their parents NOW! or some other ridiculously short interval (like a week say), instead of, idek, like a month or two into your relationship, know that that is a possible red flag for trying to push the relationship too fast.

i say this as again, bc on some buzzfeed fb post about supposed “nice guys” i commented about my high school stalker/creeper from 2012/2013. who, when i first met him in 2012 at public school, he insisted that after two days of knowing him that i simply “have to meet my (his) mum and my sisters right now! bc you’re girlfriend material and i LOVE you!”

like woah! dude! i’ve known you for a grand total of two fucking days! i absolutely don’t have to meet your family RIGHT NOW (although if i’d ever been stupid enough to actually date my stalker back then, i would’ve had to meet his mum or one of his 4 sisters/all of them at once; at some point anyway…. bc they would’ve had to drive us to dates etc bc neither of us had our Ps (provisional drivers licence here in aus) yet at the time)). because i’m pretty sure the normal window is about 1-2 months? maybe 3-4 months? why the fuck are you so obsessed with the term “girlfriend material”??? what the actual FUCK does that EVEN mean?? get away from me. bc this isn’t love. it’s something else, that i can’t put my finger on.

compare this to clear braces boy from catholic school, who literally took almost 3 years to ask me out; and to even ask for my number. when he’d finally asked for my number right before one set of the winter holidays at the end of term 2/before the start of term 3 in 2010, i was so oblivious as to why he wanted my number…. when he’d never wanted it/asked for it before.

so when he called me, while i was still on the bus home from school, i was panicking like “OH FUCK THATS WHY HE WANTED MY NUMBER!!! HE WANTS TO ASK ME OUT!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK AM I SO SLOW AND FUCKING DUMB???!!!” he never pressured me to meet his parents (although at 14/15 it was very obvious that that was a standard practice since we couldn’t drive ourselves anywhere lmao). we were basically on equal footing, except for my slowness with cottoning onto him asking me out and why he asked for my number lol.

CBB had never pressured and harassed me about my virginity. he had NEVER harassed me with porn, most especially while at school, unlike mr creeper who LOVED pulling out his porn filled phone and school laptop to show me his overly violent, degrading and aggressive porn. CBB’s flirting method was showing me norwegian black metal bands (or normal metal bands like parkway drive) and making me watch repeats of family guy on his ipod at lunch bc he loved family guy. he never brought up the term “girlfriend material” ever. he treated me like an actual person. and not his own personal fuck doll, that had holes that were conveniently for sticking his useless and clueless ass teenage dick in, again unlike creeper who was hellbent on wanting to act out his favourite violent etc porn on me to let him “take your virginity in a wonderful weekend of sex down the coast and you have to do all things that I LIKE BC THAT’S THAT AND I SAID SO!!!” 🤮🤮. although if i had progressed further than those few weeks with cbb, and my constant *karen from mean girls voice* *fake cough, fake cough* i’m sick *regina george voice* boo, you whore!” act every time i didn’t turn up on date that he’d asked me on…. maybe he could’ve treated me like that. but i’ll never know lol.

so cbb was unlike mr stalker; who was obsessed with my supposed “girlfriend material” status. mr stalker was obsessed with the fact that i had the ability and audacity to basically tell him “no”, by coyly letting him down with “my dad says i can’t date bc it distracts me from school and getting good marks 🙄😑” (which probably wasn’t true, looking back lmao)….. where he then whined PUBLICLY on facebook about it, with a status like “today sucks”… and then naming and shaming me in the comments when someone asked in the post comments what was wrong like: “*insert my name here* said no! she’s being a bitch!”. that at the time, made me roll my eyes and still does today when i think about it. because bro. i had literally only known you for two fucking days at that point. of course i’m going to say no. what the hell??? two days is nowhere near enough time to know a person well enough (although the conversation we had together on misguided trip to his house one day while we were wagging (skipping class/playing hooky for americans) aboriginal studies told me MORE THAN ENOUGH about his piece of shitness tbh) to “date” them imo.

because to me, the title “girlfriend material” doesn’t mean any fucking thing. but when it comes from a creep like mr stalker; it means “you’ll be my girlfriend forever and have my kids bc you’re such a nice girl and you’ll fix me bc that’s what nice girls like you do; bc you’re SO LOYAL AND NICE!” which i also saw as a MASSIVE RED FLAG back then, because we were literally 16yo kids (he literally told me this when we were on his bed in his bedroom in the aforementioned misguided trip to his house). and i also saw it as a red flag bc…. just because i’m “loyal” and “nice” doesn’t mean that i’ll spend LITERAL Y E A R S trying to “fix you” while you fuck around and never bother to change your behaviour all bc you think it’s “girly” to do just that. it definitely DOES NOT MEAN that i’ll have KIDS with you, what the actual fuck. like i’m a hopeless romantic, to an extent, mr creeper. but not to the extent where i’ll give myself up to someone like you, all because i’m “nice and caring” and it’s apparently what “nice girls do!!!” or whatever else fucked up guilt trip views you’ve got on why girls/women supposedly have to waste their time with and on you.

and also, on another front. CBB never FOLLOWED me home (considering he lived in a suburb 20mins away from mine lmao and we both lived at least 15mins away from the catholic school we attended) despite me telling him REPEATEDLY to “fuck off and walk home your way”….. whereas unfortunately, mr creeper lived just over the other side of my suburb.

so one day mr creeper decided to stalk me home (despite me saying the above “fuck off and walk home your way” comment constantly to him in the 10min walk home). and then when we got to my street and in front of my house he decided to joke that “oh now i know where your house and bedroom are, i’ll come to hide under your bed naked one day!!!! and when you get home (bc i’ll obvs do it when you’re out doing something), you’ll just have to FUCK ME because you’ll be so surprised that im there and ready to fuck you!” as if i’d be so overcome with supposed lust & love for him, after knowing that he’d broken into my room against my will and messed with my shit….. all for some cutesy love prank…. like in, idk, love actually (???) or himym (specifically the “naked man!” episode from season 4) or some other shitty romcom. bc no. you’re overstepping SO MANY fucking boundaries that i’d literally call the police on your stupid fucking stalker ass. what the actual fuck.

finally, cbb never forced me to try to kiss him, unlike mr stalker…. who whenever he got the chance, he’d grab my head and force me to kiss him…. and then gave me back the utterly disgusting & controlling GALL to tell me that i was “kissing wrong” and whinge/bitch that i “wasn’t into it”. and then he’d force me to kiss him again with a “im so sorry does this fix it 🥰🥺???” like NO???!!! forcefully kissing me DOES NOT FUCKING FIX ANYTHING YOU STUPID CUNT! please just get the FUCK away from me. like if you force me into anything, of course i’m not going to enthusiastically enjoy it??? and moreover, don’t you think it’s YOU who is “kissing wrong” (whatever the FUCK that bullshit actually means) and not me???? why do you think GRABBING MY HEAD and FORCING me to kiss you is appropriate in ANY of these situations????

just. to end this. to anyone and everyone, regardless of their gender/sexuality/age etc. NEVER trust anyone who uses the term “girlfriend material”/“boyfriend material”, to describe you, most especially when you’ve JUST MET them.

they’re using it as a means to control you and possibly trap you into an unhealthy (or potentially abusive) relationship like i would’ve had with my stalker/creeper. but most especially, this goes out to my younger followers, if i have any. be aware of this. watch out for the small red flags and run at the earliest time.

[lovelivingmydreams]

The blame game

@sanderssides-secretsanta for @averykedavra

Rating: PG

Pairings: whatever you want. Any actions can be read as platonic or romantic I’m not telling you how to enjoy this fic. Aka I couldn't pic.

Hurt comfort

Triggers: hospital, injury, pain, burns, coma, mention of abduction

Summary: A couple of years ago people disappeared. And then months later they started showing up again. Some escaping, some being freed. No one knew what exactly went on in those months. All evidence was destroyed before answers could be found and the victims were unwilling to testify. Until one group, the first to break free, showed up when a building collapsed and used incredible abilities to save the day. They spoke out about what had happened, and swore themselves to serve and protect the public interest.

Time went on and now the victims that all had gained some type of power are accepted into society. The team is still doing what they can to save others and protect each other. This story takes place during what should've been a routine mission.

“We have to finish up. Under current circumstances we have 3.4 minutes until the building collapses.”

“I did a sweep, I didn’t hear anyone calling out and no heartbeats. Pat can you feel anyone?”

“No kiddo, it seems all clear on my end too.”

“Marvelous. Jan how is our cover holding up?”

“I’m fine Roman. I can hold it for a few more minutes.”

“Remus do you have yourself together?”

“All bits and pieces accounted for Bro! Though Jan can always check later to make sure.”

“And that’s enough. I’m taking you first.”

“Virgin! So forward!”

“If you upset him Remus, I swear to god!”

“Relax RoRo…”

…

“I’m back. Come on popstar. They are getting closer, we have to hurry.”

“Maybe take Lo first… If I’m too far I can’t…”

“It’s just for a minute Padre.”

The connection fell away. Indicating Virgil had indeed brought Patton out of range.

“Two more minutes,” Logan stated as he joined Janus at the street side of the shop they were hiding in.

“I am sooo glad the looters came to cause extra chaos. I was just thinking that evacuating the citizens from earthquake shaken buildings wasn’t enough of a challenge,” Janus grumbled annoyed.

“We shall deal with them once we are all outside,” Roman assured him as he too joined them.

“Next passenger please,” Virgil announced as he came to a halt right behind Roman, making him jump.

“Stop doing that!” he demanded.

“Only if you stop being funny when I do,” he teased while picking up Logan.

“This never seizes to be mildly embarrassing,” Logan huffed displeased. Being carried out bridal style by their youngest member was a little awkward for everyone. Well except for Remus. But he wasn’t bothered by anything. “Do you prefer a piggy back ride?” Virgil teased.

The circumstances that led to the formation of their team had been far from pleasant. Virgil especially still had nightmares and flashbacks. But they all enjoyed the power sets they were given. Though if they could choose they’d do without the trauma. The only thing they wouldn’t give up for that was each other.

“And you all secretly like being held,” Virgil insisted before taking off. Roman and Janus exchanged a glance wondering if Virgil was just teasing or if he actually could tell that they appreciated the rare opportunity to have Virgil actually welcome physical closeness.

They all were pretty close after everything. And any awkwardness about being emotionally vulnerable around one another had gone out the window long ago. Still Virgil felt the need to act tough to make them not worry about him. It didn't work, but he still tried.

“I better get going. I’m not fond of Logan’s ticking clock,” Roman stated.

“Yeah, I’ll give us a little more cover. V only needs 10 seconds to get me out anyway.” Jan didn’t want to risk the rioters seeing them now. There was no telling what they’d do.

Roman nodded and started to sprint to the exit.

Janus turned away, but then his heart stopped when he heard a crashing sound and a pained outcry.

“Roman!” Virgil gasped behind him.

“I’m fine, get J. I’ll-” Roman cut himself off with a loud curse.

“You hurt your ankle,” Virgil concluded. Janus looked back and watched as the young hero gathered Roman in his arms. “J I’ll be back for you soon okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer.

Janus considered just dropping the illusion of an empty trashed store with faulty wiring and make his way to the back to meet Virgil halfway. But the rioters were hot on their heels now. He couldn’t risk anyone following them. Not that anyone would be able to once Virgil had him. But if anyone was inside when the building gave out…

Suddenly something flew through a window. A flaming bottle? Janus could see it heading to an isle with cleaning products. He realized what was about to happen at the same time that he saw Virgil return and hesitate upon detecting something moving in his peripheral.

Janus acted without thinking. He dropped the illusion and tackled Virgil to the ground.

Janus moved to cover Virgil’s body with his own. There was an infinite fraction of a second of blinding pain. He never even registered the sound of the explosion. Just pain and then darkness.

He heard the murmuring and the zooming and beeping of machines. He felt disoriented. What happened…?

“Come on J. Please wake up,” Patton? He sounded like he’d been crying.

“Patton I… I don’t think…” Logan’s voice. Not quite as steady and certain as he normally sounded.

“Don’t finish that sentence! He has to wake up! I don’t know what we’re supposed to do if he… If he…” Patton started sobbing, the sounds muffled by something. That wasn’t right. Janus tried to open his eyes but it was hard.

“I can’t… We are supposed to stick together… and he… And then Virgil…”

Virgil? Suddenly Janus remembered. No. Virgil had to be fine. He made sure of that right?

Janus forced his eyes open and found Patton clinging to Logan’s frame on his right. Remus sitting uncharacteristically quiet and still behind them.

He blinked a few times. Something was off. His sight… And why did his face feel weird… Everything felt weird.

“Hi,” was all he was able to force out of his throat.

Remus perked up, Patton and Logan nearly jumped at the unexpected sound. All of them had bloodshot eyes. He’d expected as much from Patton. He was in a hospital and something was going on with Virgil. But it took a lot for Logan and Remus to cry.

“Janus,” Logan breathed as they all gathered at his bedside. Logan grabbed his hand to squeeze it. Janus squeezed back and felt Logan relax instantly.

“Wha…” Janus tried, hoping he managed to bring across the pleading tone he intended despite the pain in his throat keeping him from saying much.

“You’ve been unconscious for the past month. There were several operations and you have only been breathing on your own for the past 21 hours and 28 minutes.” That explained the pain in his throat.

“Pat? Eyes…” he asked. He was burned. He was no idiot. He just wanted to know how bad and Patton could show him.

“I don’t know Jan…” Patton bit his lip looking at Logan for help. Their academic friend nodded in agreement.

“There is… Someone like us on staff. We were to alert her once you’d awoken so she could heal you up some more. It is probably best not to distress you until she has,” Logan urged.

So it was really bad. “Call…” he managed. Maybe then he would be able to talk better afterwards.

“Very well…” Logan pressed a button.

“Re… V…” Remus didn’t do sugarcoating. He would tell him no matter how bad…

“Roman is watching the Emo. We’ll all go to see them together soon,” Remus murmured. Now Janus was getting really worried. What was going on? Remus was never this… restrained.

“Remus. We have all repetitively told you, you did not delay Virgil in any way,” Logan insisted sternly.

“Yeah Rem. None of us think you did anything wrong that day. And I’m sure Jan and V would agree.”

Wait, why hadn't. Virgil told him to stop moping yet? Why wasn’t he here? Why did he need someone to watch over him?

“I should have sat still. I knew we had little time left. Instead I made Virgil slow his step to make sure he didn't drop me.”

“We all delayed him in our own way Remus. It was a collection of circumstances. If anything, I should have taken the violent nature of the rioters into account and adjusted my timeframe accordingly.

We all relied too much on my prediction and…”

“Don’t you start that again. I could have tried to get a feel of the crowd and told you. Then you might've known there was a risk too consider!” Patton protested.

“Patton you couldn’t have possibly…”

“It’s my job Lo! I should look after all of you guys. I’m the one who keeps us happy and together and now everyone is sad and… and…” Patton was shaking with sobs again. Only now did Janus remember that when Patton was tired (physically or emotionally) his empathic ability played up without him wanting to. His telepathic link on the other became much harder to establish under such circumstances. Which meant that while Patton couldn’t find comfort in linking with the others, his usual coping tool for anything bad going on, he felt his own feelings on top of everyone else’s unfiltered.

Logan seemed to realize this too. “Patton, I’m sorry. I should have realized. You need not burden yourself with our guilt as well as your own. Please, please forgive me this oversight?” he asked with a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder, the other still holding Janus’.

Patton gave a small tired smile. “It’s not your fault Lo… You guys don’t have to repress your own feelings just for me. We are all a bit stressed out and…”

“Pardon me?” Everyone immediately looked to the door. Well everyone except Janus who couldn’t turn his head very well. But he got there.

His left eye still was not right but he could discern a figure at the door. Hopefully this person was the one who could get him out of this bed so he could finally get answers.

“Ah. Doctor Laffeye. Thank you for coming. As you can see Janus has woken up. Could you…?”

The figure came closer and seemed to look down at Janus.

“Hello. Elena Lafeye, she/her… Your eye isn’t doing so well it seems.” She sounded kind and disappointed by her observation. That wasn't good.

“No See…” he croaked.

“And your troath probably feels pretty painful too. I’m going to do my best to help the healing process along. But I find that I get the best result in several sessions rather than one go. You just tell me when it starts to feel painful. That might indicate that I am rushing some stitches or something like that. Sometimes the body just protests being forced to heal. It is important that you are honest, or it’ll be worse in the end okay?”

Janus felt frustrated, what was the point of a healing ability if it couldn't get him back to normal right away? But, if he could get well enough to get out of the room to wherever Roman and Virgil were... Then that was enough right?

“Kay,” he promised.

“Good. I have told this to your friends, but I’ll repeat it to you. Thank you. For speaking out about it all. You guys make life much easier for the rest of us. Thank you.”

Janus thought she sounded sincere, but he could not see her face clearly enough to be sure.

“No prob…” No, that was as far as he got.

“Top to bottom then,” she said. It was not a question.

Janus expected Remus to laugh or make a joke, but he didn’t and that was terrifying. Did he really feel that responsible? Or did he look so terible that even Remus couldn't make light of the situation?

“Here we go.”

It started with a light tingling sensation in his left eye. It became warm and then it was kind of like a static… “Stop,” he croaked as he forcibly shut his eye when the first sting occurred.

When he opened his eye though he could see improvement. It wasn’t as sharp as he was used to. But he no longer felt like he was half blind.

“Wow, it looks a lot better!” Patton exclaimed, probably trying to assure Janus. Sadly Janus could only think about how Patton didn't say he was back to normal.

“I am going to focus on your face now,” the doctor warned and the tingling started again.

“Stop,” Janus rasped again when it started to feel like a web of glowing hot wires was put against his skin.

“Okay. I’ll move on to your throat. This shouldn’t hurt as much considering most of the trauma from the accident has healed on it’s own. Any damage left now is from the breathing and feeding tube. This is just to make you more comfortable with speaking.”

This time the doctor stopped before Janus got even a little uncomfortable.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“Well…” That didn’t hurt. “Better. Thank you.”

“Good. Now… Let’s see if we can get you well enough to leave the bed alright? I’m sure you’d like to check in on your other friends as well.”

Yes! Please, let me see them. “Okay.”

The doctor took in a deep breath and the warm sensation kept traveling up and down the left side of his body. From his fingertips to his shoulder, through his torso, down his leg to his toes and back.

Up and down, over and over again.

“S… Stop please,” he gasped when the warmth started to burn.

“Okay… how does that feel? Can you try and sit up?”

Janus blinked. Right, he’d stayed put so far. To be fair even moving his head had been exhausting a few minutes ago.

“Um… Yeah,” he murmured as he carefully moved his arms. His left stung a bit, but it was manageable. He’d deal with it if it meant they’d go to see Virgil.

“Carefull Jan!” Patton pleads as he frantically flayed his hands around wanting to push him down but scared to touch.

“It’s alright sir. I think he’s got it,” the doctor stated soothingly. Once Janus sat up the doctor nodded satisfied and left with the promise of checking on them again in an hour.

“Patton. Will you show me now?” Janus asked as soon as they were left alone.

“I…”

“Please. I need to know,” he pleaded. He could feel something wasn’t right with his body. He was too much of a coward to simply look down though. He told himself he wanted to see the full picture. That he wanted to see what the public would see when he inevitably would be swarmed by reporters. But honestly, he hoped that if he looked through Patton's eyes he wouldn't hate what he’d see as much.

Patton once again turned to the others. Remus squirmed, avoiding his eyes. Logan sighed and squeezed Patton’s shoulder, encouraging him to turn to him.

"He will only get more stressed by not knowing. We can hardly keep him away from reflective surfaces. Best he sees it when he has a chance to mentally prepare." With that Logan's steady gaze directed itself towards Janus.

"You were burned on the entire left side of your body. There were many skin transplants performed to help save your life. Are you really ready to see yourself?"

Janus wasn't sure if he was. But he knew he had to see.

He gave them a firm nod.

Patton sighed resigned to the decision "Ok... 3, 2... 1."

Janus struggled not to scream out in horror. The man he saw trough Patton's eyes wasn't him. The left side of his body was an awful patchwork. It couldn't be. And this was after accelerated healing?

"Is... is this why Roman and Virgil aren't here?" he asked with a shaking voice. He wasn't sure how he'd feel if the answer was yes.

"No! No of course not!" Paton exclaimed. It should have been a relief. But if they weren't avoiding him...

"Then... why? What happened?"

Silence filled the room.

"Patton was linked with the rest of us," Remus started, his voice unnervingly... normal.

"When the explosion went of... you know how we sometimes link up subconsciously. We all blanked for a second due to the pain." So he'd sent out an SOS...

And everyone had felt what did this to him...

“But Roman… He shot in action. By the time we realized you two were in danger he was already back at the building. He told us he found you two buried under some rubble. You were on top of Virgil who wasn’t burned at all, but he was unconscious. Roman managed to wake him up though and… Well we finally found out what happens when ‘survival’,” their nickname for Virgil’s power set, “Is pushed to the limit. Virgil told Roman to pick you up and next thing Roman knew you were all back with us and Virgil collapsed from overexertion.”

Patton and Logan nodded. “The doctors say he pushed his muscles so hard that they broke a few bones. There were hairline fractures all over. And… He still hasn’t woken up,” Patton explained sadly.

“Roman aggravated his injury going after you two, but he couldn't be made to care about his own recovery. He has refused to leave Virgil's side unless he knew one of us took his place. We’ve been taking turns to let him freshen up and visit you. Well Patton and Remus have. Apparently my care was unsatisfactory. Who knows what is going on in his head,” Logan added. Clearly still a little hurt by whatever had led to that decision, and frustrated by what must have been countless fruitless attempts to get Roman to listen to the doctors.

Janus could easily imagine why their theaterloving friend might be acting that way. Roman had declared himself to be their leader. Despite not being the oldest or most experienced in anything. It had been his idea to save people thought. And they all understood that he felt responsible for putting them on this path.

His guilt must run deep.

“I have to go see them,” Janus stated. This time everyone nodded without even a second’s hesitation.

“You won’t be able to walk on your own just yet. Even without your injuries, your muscles haven’t been used in a month. They will have to rebuild strength through physical therapy,” Logan informed him while Patton pulled up a wheelchair.

“I have used the past month to learn how to help you get settled without hurting you. I assumed you would prefer that over a nurse,” he added.

Janus smirked. “Oh no, I was totally hoping some random person would be yanking my body around.”

The other chuckled. “We missed you Jan,” Patton smiled warmly.

And Janus could feel how sincere he was. He could only really smile with his right side, so even when he tried to do it sincerely it probably looked like a smirk. So he gave his friends more of the humor they’d been missing. “I’d say I missed you to. But… I didn’t.”

He could feel the chuckle vibrate trough Logan’s chest as he carefully maneuvered him into the wheelchair.

Patton put himself in charge of steering him while Remus and Logan walked on either side of him, like they were escorting someone powerful or famous. And technically, Janus was both. They all were. They just tended to forget that around one another.

But it became rather apparent when they left the room and there were two armed police officers stationed in front of the door.

“We are going to see Instinct now. You may try to stop us, but it’ll only waste 13minutes and 29 seconds of all of our time before we convince you to let us trough. At the most.” Logan stated. He said it so firmly that anyone who didn’t know him would assume he knew this as a fact thanks to his predictive reasoning. But Janus, and the others surely too, could tell that he was lying. Meaning the guards might be able to stand their ground if they chose to do so.

But as no one bet against Logan’s predictions the guards stepped aside and let them trough.

There were guards in front of the room next to them too. These two however stepped aside right away.

Remus opened the door and they could hear Roman’s voice.

“I’ll let you pick the movies for a month. I won’t ever complain about your loud music again. I’ll admit I’m a big idiot! You can even have that in writing. Just please… Please V… I can’t… We can’t lose you.”

Janus’ heart ached. Their friends had gone through hell the past month.

Patton rolled Janus inside and he felt tears jump to his eyes. Well at least his tear ducts worked.

Roman was holding Virgil’s limp hand in his own. His head resting in the crook of his arm on the bed as he gazed up at their friend’s sleeping face. He was sitting in what looked like a very uncomfortable chair and had yet to realize he had company. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a mess.

Janus and Roman were easily the vainest in the group. They knew this and accepted this about themselves. They often bonded over fashion and the sorts.

Logan came closest, though he did not care for fashion or anything like that. He just carefully maintained a professional appearance at all times.

The others didn’t seem to live in the same world when it came to caring for ones appearance. Except for Remus he was from a different universe.

And yet here both theatric, normally impeccably groomed men were. Absolute messes.

“You look terrible,” Janus drawled casually. Because there is no right way to draw attention to your presence in these circumstances.

Roman looked up, his eyes wide, a small ghost of a smile, a tiny spark in his eyes as he took him in.

Well at least his new look didn’t gross him out. Then again, he had apparently seen him look worse.

“I mean, so do I. But I was in a coma for a month. What is your excuse?”

Now the smile did break free, though the spark turned into silent tears. Janus would take it.

He could see Roman was struggling with the desire to come over and check on him and the need to stay close to Virgil.

Luckily Patton rode Janus over to be right in front of Roman so he wouldn’t have to choose.

He turned in his seat, switching Virgil’s hand from his right to his left so he could place his now freed hand gently on the scarred side of Janus’ face. Janus gasped in awe. Leave it to Roman to know, to understand, that Janus needed someone to treat his ruined half as if nothing had changed.

Roman angled Janus’ head and his own so that their foreheads touched.

“Welcome back,” he whispered.

“Good to be back,” Janus responded, feeling an immense weight fall of his chest.

Roman sat back up again, now holding Janus’ hand instead of his face.

“I hope, though I do not deserve such a gift, that you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”

And there it was. “For forgetting how to use a brush?” Janus scoffed.

Roman’s eyes flashed in annoyance. “This is no laughing matter! If I hadn’t tripped you and Virgil would have both been out of the building when that bomb went off! If anyone had ended up in the hospital it would have been me and rightfully so! I have no right to be left with nothing but a fractured ankle! It even healed over by now. Virgil however won’t be fully better for months! Even if he wakes up! And you… You could have died! We were told to prepare for… And the doctors don’t know why Virgil hasn’t woken up yet… and… and… I should’ve protected you both I…” Roman was full on sobbing now.

“Kiddo, no…” Patton whispered weakly.

“Don’t be stupid Romano. Anyone else would’ve waited for the V train and ended up caught in the blast as well or something,” Remus argued.

“Indeed. And there is always a chance that Virgil would have stopped to pick you up anyway and took a moment to tease you before taking you away. You know he likes carrying ‘the prince’ like a princess. You are his favorite to ‘whisk away’. There are an infinite amount of things that still could have gone wrong,” Logan reasoned earnestly.

Roman looked around at them in surprise. “But… I…” Then he stopped himself and allowed himself a chuckle.

“I guess… You all have some good points,” he sighed before letting go of Janus’ hand and turning back towards the bed. Switching his hands once more before dragging his left trough his hair and rubbing his eyes. “Now if only…”

“Tell me someone took a picture of the prince as a pauper.”

When they heard that everyone shot up in attention, except for Janus who didn’t have the strength to do more much more than hold his position right now. But he too turned his head to the bed where Virgil was blinking his eyes as he tried to take everyone in.

“You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he chuckled. Then his eyes landed on Janus and widened.

Janus prepared himself. Last time Virgil saw him he didn’t even have so much as a freckle to tarnish his complexion. Now…

“J? Are you… Does it hurt?” he asked tentatively.

Well… No point in lying. “I’ve felt better,” but he didn’t have to be too honest either.

“Well… For what it’s worth, I think you look wicked. And anyone who has a problem is going to have to deal with me… umph!”

Roman had had enough of sitting around and was embracing Virgil.

“You are awake!” He exclaimed in relieve.

“Okay… Um… How long…?”

“A month,” Logan supplied as he came to stand at Virgil’s other side and ran his hand affectionately trough his hair. “You have a few broken bones that have yet to fully heal and a lot of physical therapy ahead, but now that you are awake, rest assured that you will make a full recovery.”

Virgil nodded in understanding.

“Princey? Can you let go of me now?” he asked.

“I don’t think any of us are ready for that kiddo,” Patton stated trough his happy tears as he sat down on Logan’s side of the bed and placed a hand on Virgil’s knee.

“Yeah! I finally have my creep and horror buddy back!” Remus exclaimed with glee, finally back to normal now that everyone was awake and together it seemed.

“Virgil, I… I thought….” Roman gasped as sobs threatened to overtake him yet again.

“Relax Princey. You don’t get rid of me that easily…” Virgil chuckled. Then he looked at Janus with some sadness in his eyes.

“Thanks. For saving me. I wish it hadn’t been needed though.”

Janus met Virgil’s eyes earnestly. “Of course Virgil. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“And you have nothing to be sorry over okay kiddo? You did nothing wrong!” Patton insisted.

“Indeed...” Logan started probably about to do the same rational breakdown of Virgil’s actions and possible consequences of other decisions on his part as he’d done for everyone else but himself.

“I know,” Virgil chuckled with a roll of his eyes. Surprising everyone. If there was one member of their group they could assume would find a way to blame himself for everything wrong with the world, it was Virgil.

“What? You all have been helping me with my negative thinking remember? Hindsight 20/20 in this case. There is no use in dwelling on what happened if in the moment you acted with the right intentions and to the best of your ability. No point in playing the blame game,” he droned off the last part with a fond smile to Logan, who stared at him for a moment and then let out a single laugh. Followed by another , and another.

Patton joined in with giggles. Remus started cackling and Roman finally had to let Virgil go in order to laugh fully with tears in his eyes.

Janus had to settle for a warm smile on half his face and a slight shaking of his shoulders.

“Um… What did I say?” Virgil frowned.

“Nothing. It’s just that we have all been playing the blame game ourselves without even realizing,” Janus informed Virgil. “And now you, out of everyone, have put things in perspective again.

We are all here. And everything else, we can deal with.”

Virgil smiled at that. “Yeah… Yeah we can.”

Many challenges were still ahead. But that didn’t matter. They were all together again and all was right in the world.

Virgil=Instinct

Survival: he can choose to heighten his senses and increase his physical strength and speed to super human levels. His tolerance for pain is also heightened. Usually needs a nap and food after missions. Occasionally he'll discover he has injuries once he deactivates his power.

Roman= Prince

Equip: Basically full metal alchemist. If he can imagine the object clearly he can make it using molecules in the world around him. But for, by example, a working radio he'd have to know how all the parts fit together and work. So he has only a few of these complex objects in his arsenal.

Remus=Ragdoll

Asemble: Mr potato head from toy story. He can disassemble himself like a doll and put himself together again. If he pulls of a hand he can still use said hand as if it were attached. He lost his right little toe once and since then they all make sure Remus is in one piece before leaving.

Patton=Father

Connect: Can establish a telepathic bond with others and feel their emotions. The better he knows you the stronger both powers work. The team often uses this for group discussions, Patton shares his empathic powers with the rest through telepathy and that usually calms everyone right down. Hard to be mad when you feel how loved you are by the one your fighting with. Everyone agrees that if Patton wasn’t the cinnamon bun he is he'd make for a master manipulator.

As mentioned in the fic, his empathic abilities flare up when he is tired while his telepathy becomes harder to handle. He can connect briefly to one person at a time under those conditions.

Logan=MasterMind

Predictive reasoning: he can basically tell the future. Short term predictions are more accurate than long term. You can ask him the most likely outcome if you do action a as opposed to action b by example. He is still learning to take emotions into account but Patton helps him with that.

Janus=Fantasm

Mirage: he can create illusions. They work better when sight is limited by darkness fog or limited thinking of the spectator due to high emotions or the like. It does require more focus the more complex the vision is. He also can't move if he wants to keep it up. He usually takes care of distractions or hiding them.

[buckybeardreams]

Unwanted

Chapters: 5/11

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Characters: Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Brock Rumlow, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Harley Keener

Additional Tags: Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alpha Steve Rogers, Omega Tony Stark, Service Top, Dominant Bottom, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Virgin Steve Rogers, Brock Rumlow is a Good Bro, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Romantic Soulmates, First Meetings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sappy, Romantic Fluff, Awkwardness, Drinking to Cope, Self-Worth Issues, Insecure Tony Stark, Insecure Steve Rogers, Age Difference, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Bonding, Claiming Bites, Claiming, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mpreg, Non-Explicit Sex, Light Dom/sub, Mutual Masturbation, Coming Untouched, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000

Series: Part 1 of Second Chances

Summary:

Steve is a soft Alpha and Tony is an in charge kind of Omega with no desire to find a mate. He doesn't want to find his soulmate and when he does meet Steve he's determined to stay away from him.

That is until he realizes just how right they are for each other.

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10 Ch 11

Can also be read here

Words: 2,258

Tony bit his lip, looking at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was sticking up in weird places from trying and failing to sleep last night. There were bags under his eyes that made him look like he hadn't slept in weeks and, well, really that wasn't too far off. Sometimes he drank enough to pass out for a little bit here and there, but he never just got a solid night's sleep. To be fair, Tony didn't sleep all that well even before he found his soulmate and then pretty much rejected him by never calling him.

Tony didn't sleep well when he was alone, but even when he wasn't and he did fall asleep instead of tossing and turning restlessly before giving up and going for a cup of coffee, Tony didn't sleep more then five hours tops unless he was passed out drunk. So maybe that's one of the reasons that he drinks so much.

He wasn't drinking right now, well, not much. He had a couple of beers, but that was nothing. Just a little something to take the edge off before he went to re-meet Brock's new mate. Tony sighed, took one last look at his disheveled appearance and flinched away from it, grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch before heading out.

It was a cold day, windy and blustery with clouds hanging overhead that threatened to soak the inhabitants of the city as they walked down the street in large groups, pushing and shoving, each desperate to get where they're going before the rain ruined their hair or makeup. Tony was far less concerned and when the rain did come down and he was left with wet hair clinging to him and soaked clothes and a gloomy atmosphere that the rain couldn't wash away, well, he thought at least his hair wasn't sticking up all over the place.

He showed up on Brock's doorstep and was relieved when it was Brock who opened the apartment door. Brock was grinning, but it faltered slightly when he saw Tony.

"Hey, you okay?"

Tony nodded.

"Yeah, 'course. Now are you gonna invite me in or make me stay out in the hall for dinner?" Tony said, trying and failing to sound like his usual snarky self.

Brock still looked concerned, but he nodded and stepped aside to let Tony in.

"Yeah, of course, come in."

Tony entered into a small hall, kicking off his shoes before heading further into the apartment. He froze when he saw Steve sitting on the couch next to Sam. Tony's heart raced in his chest and his mind was thrown through a loop, because what the fuck was his soulmate doing here?

"Tony, this is Steve, Sam's friend." Brock watched him anxiously, wondering how he would react.

Steve was staring at Tony, clearly just as caught off guard as Tony was. Steve looked far more put together than Tony did, like he wasn't completely miserable about his mate rejecting him, and didn't that just make Tony feel way worse about looking like a wet rat. Sam's confusion quickly gave way to understanding as he put the pieces together. Anthony, who works at a bar, and is Steve's soulmate. Of course it would be Tony. By the looks of it Brock was already aware of this. Sam sent Brock a stern look and Brock returned it with a sheepish one.

"What?" Brock asked innocently, going to settle in his Alpha's lap.

Sam rolled his eyes, but hugged him close. Tony and Steve were still staring at each other, neither one moving or saying anything. Tony was the one to break the silence after a few more awkwardly drawn out moments.

"No, you're not Steve." Tony shook his head in denial. "You can't be Steve."

Steve's mouth opened and closed a few times like he was trying to say something, but couldn't quite get the words out.

"I am... um, Steve," Steve managed to get out, blushing over how awkward it was.

Tony rubbed at his temples and shook his head again.

"No, I can't- I can't do this right now."

Tony headed straight back to the door, grabbing his shoes, not even bothering to put them on, and walked out. Steve whimpered, looking hurt and lost and like he kinda wanted to chase after Tony, but was also afraid of just being rejected again. Brock just groaned, grumbling under his breath about being way too fucking stubborn before heading after Tony.

"That's- That was my soulmate," Steve said, somehow sounding both shocked and heartbroken.

"Yeah, I kinda got that," Sam said, resting a hand on Steve's shoulder. "You okay, man?"

Steve swallowed and nodded, but truthfully, he had no fucking clue if he was okay or not. He was completely blindsided by the sudden appearance and then just as sudden disappearance of his soulmate and he had no clue how to feel about that. He thought devastated might be the right word, but then somehow that didn't seem like it fit at all. Steve felt like he was dying, and no, he did not think that was an exaggeration.

*****

"Tony, stop!" Brock called out to him. "Don't make me run after you."

Tony groaned, coming to a halt at the end of the hall and turning to glare at Brock.

"You knew," Tony accused.

"I did, or at least I was like ninety percent sure about it."

"You should have told me. You know how I feel about Alphas."

"I know, but you told me-"

"I know what I said!" Tony snapped. "Don't use my own words against me. I confided in you and you used it against me."

Tony swallowed back the lump in his throat, feeling betrayed and confused. He wanted an Alpha, but he didn't want the things that inevitably would follow, like being controlled or looked down on. Most of all he was scared that Steve would be perfect and Tony wouldn't be good enough for him.

"Tony... I'm sorry, but I knew you were going to be stubborn about this. You told me that you regret not calling him. This is your chance to get to know him. You might like him if you give him a chance."

Tears pricked at Tony's eyes. He wasn't worried about not liking Steve, well, he was worried about that. Mostly though he was worried about falling too hard, too fast, only to be rejected. He wasn't the kind of Omega to just submit and say yes, sir. He had opinions and dreams and no intention of letting anyone else tell him how to live his life, but those weren't the kinds of things that most Alphas wanted in a mate.

"Tony, I've spent time with Steve and he's literally the softest Alpha I've ever met, and I'm mated to Sam so that's really saying something. My Alpha is totally wrapped around my finger."

Tony smiled a little at that.

"Sam does seem nice... for an Alpha," Tony teased.

Brock laughed and nudged his shoulder.

"He is and Steve is too. Just talk to him, Tony. See what happens."

Tony groaned, but let Brock lead him back to the apartment. Steve was still in shock, only a few minutes having passed since Tony walked out. It wasn't nearly enough time to process what had happened and suddenly Tony reappeared. Tony shifted on his feet, his hand slipped into Brock's, his palm sweaty. Brock squeezed his hand encouragingly and leaned closer to whisper in his ear.

"Do you want some space?"

Tony licked his lips, not sure he wanted this at all, but he owed himself this. He needed to at least try or he'd always be left wondering if it could have worked out. Besides, Brock was not going to let this go until Tony at least gave it a try. He swallowed down his fears and nodded. Brock nodded, pressed a kiss to his cheek, and pulled Sam deeper into the apartment. Steve and Tony stared at each other and it started to feel tense and awkward.

Tony groaned.

"We need to talk."

Steve looked nervous, certain that Tony was about to reject him, but he nodded.

"I don't like Alphas," Tony blurted out when the silence dragged on.

Steve flinched like Tony had slapped him.

"Oh," Steve said, unable to hide his disappointment.

He just knew that his Omega was about to reject him and Steve wasn't sure he would survive the rejection.

"Yeah..." Tony said. "I'm willing to give this a try though, but if you try to go all Alpha on me..."

Tony shook his head and Steve's brows furrowed.

"I don't like the way Alphas feel entitled to an Omega's body. Like Omegas are beneath them and only there for an Alpha's pleasure."

Steve bit his lip, not wanting to get his hopes up. He was pretty sure his Omega was suggesting that he wanted to be the dominant one in their relationship. Or maybe he was just saying he didn't want to submit to an asshole Alpha. Either way, Steve could definitely work with this.

"I would never force myself on you, Anthony."

"Tony."

Steve blinked at him in surprise before smiling softly. He didn't want to assume that Tony was comfortable enough with him to use a nickname, but it touched Steve to know that his Omega was trying. Tony wanted to give this a try even if he was worried about it and that was enough for Steve. He would be the best Alpha ever, because he would be exactly what Tony needed him to be. He knew already that he'd give Tony anything he wanted and he'd try his best to be whatever Tony wanted him to be.

"Tony," He breathed out.

The word rolled off his tongue like velvet and Tony felt all fluttery inside. He cleared his throat, feeling the urge to escape the foreign sensation.

"How old are you even?" Tony blurted out, feeling awkward and uncertain in a way that he hated feeling. He was so not used to the warm feeling inside of him or the desire to go to Steve and touch him and be held close.

Steve blinked at the question, caught off guard by it.

"Um, I'm not that young."

Tony raised a brow at him and Steve squirmed.

"You look young," Tony pointed out.

"I'm legal!" Steve said defensively.

"So you're what? Eighteen?"

Steve looked down at his feet, looking awfully small for a six foot, two hundred pound hunk of pure muscle. Tony took that to be a yes.

"You're what? Ten years younger than me?" Tony said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're practically still a pup. I can't date you."

Steve pouted.

"I don't want to date you. I want to mate with you. I want you to be mine."

"That's infinitely worse," Tony said, flinging his hands up in exasperation. "You do realize that right? That's so much worse."

"No, it's not. There's nothing wrong with an age gap, besides no one would judge us for it. The goddess chose you for me," Steve insisted.

Tony rolled his eyes.

"Or maybe she chose you for me. Ever thought that maybe it's not the Alpha that owns the Omega, but the Omega that owns the Alpha?" Tony snarked.

Steve blushed.

"Okay," Steve said, a little breathless. "I'll be yours, if only you'll have me."

Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

"You'd let me own you?"

"God, yes. Please, just don't reject me."

Tony licked his lips.

"Okay, come here, pup ."

Steve's blush deepened at being called a pup, but he didn't object to it. The moment Steve was within reach Tony grabbed his shirt and slammed their lips together, turning them so he could shove Steve up against the wall. Tony's hair was still dripping wet and his shirt was drenched. It got Steve wet, soaking through his own sweater, but he didn't care.

"Okay, then, pretty Alpha. You want to play, then let's play," Tony said, coming as close to a growl as an Omega could.

Steve gasped when Tony's hand grasped him in between his legs and groped him through his pants. His face lit up bright red and Tony smirked at his blushing Alpha. He was so fucking sweet. Tony thought that maybe, just maybe, this could work out, but they were going to have to agree on one very important thing if there was going to be any chance of them mating.

"Let's be clear, I still want your knot, but I'm in charge here and you do what I say or I'll throw you out and you won't get another chance."

Steve swallowed, nodding rapidly.

"Yes, sir."

Tony smirked, licking his lips.

"Good boy," Tony purred in his ear, his tongue darting out to lick his neck, his teeth sharp on his skin.

Steve whimpered, his head falling to the side to give his Omega better access. Clearly, the goddess knew what she was doing when she paired them up, because this was better than Steve had dared to hope for. Steve had always been excited about having a mate, but he had always thought he'd present as an Omega. When he didn't, he was concerned that he'd never be a good enough Alpha, but the moment he saw Tony in that bar he knew that he was in love, knew that he'd do anything to please this man.

Now here they were and Tony wanted him, wanted to use him, and Steve was in heaven. There was nothing that he wanted more than to please Tony, to be used by him, to be ordered around by his pretty little Omega.

Tony tried not to think about how young and naive Steve was. He didn't want to admit that a part of him was thrilled to be more experienced, to be the one teaching his Alpha about pleasure. It was pretty obvious that Steve had no experience, because when Tony kissed him Steve had no idea what he was doing. He had no rhythm and he clearly didn't know what to do with his tongue when Tony licked at his lips and dove inside his mouth. Tony thought it was cute though. Steve squirmed and whimpered, his blush spreading down his neck, and Tony ate it all up.

"Fuck, you're cute," Tony groaned when he pulled away. "Maybe I'll keep you after all."

[365days365movies]

January 20, 2021: Taken (Epilogue)

This movie is...fine. I hate using this phrase, because it’s very much overused, but this is definitely a popcorn movie. Not a lot of depth or substance to it, but I can understand enjoying it. Hell, I like almost all of the Marvel movies...including The Incredible Hulk. No leg to stand on for judging people who like popcorn movies. But, yeah, this is kind of one of those basic bro movies as well, or it was when it came out at least. Anyway, what did I actually think of this movie? Let’s get into it.

Review

Cast and Acting

Look, Liam Neeson is legendary as an actor without that much emotional range. I love him in roles where that makes sense. Here, Bryan is BLIND RAGE in a human body, understandably...and I don’t feel like Neeson is bad as that character, but I also don’t think he’s the best option. For what this movie is, though, Neeson’s fine. He is also the only actor with notable focus here. Sure, Famke Janssen’s good at crying (also, hi again, Famke), as is Maggie Grace as Kim. But...eh, there are basically no standouts here, let’s be honest. This movie’s cast is threadbare, and Neeson is basically the only major focus. So, yeah, for Neeson’s typically stiff acting and the entirely peripheral cast otherwise...6/10. Yeah, sorry, this film won’t go down in history for acting credits.

Plot and Writing

So, here’s the thing: this movie has no stakes whatsoever. Bryan’s gonna get his daughter back, and defeat everybody in the process. No doubt about it the entire film. And, yeah, other movies are similar, in that you know that the movie’s gonna end with everybody happy. But this movie was...dull. It was dull and predictable, and this is an action movie in which a girl gets kidnapped for sex trafficking! It should’ve been much more engaging than this. 

And some of you might be saying, “Amanda died, you made a sort of big deal about that.” Yeah, but...Amanda was definitely going to die, from the second they got kidnapped. Sorry, that was VERY predictable, and it’s even grossly foreshadowed from a tone point of view. What do I mean by that? Well, keep in mind that I am in NO WAY a film scholar or literary scholar, or a gender studies scholar. I study birds. That’s my thing. But there’s a weird “virgin-whore” complex going on with the two of them. Kim is the innocent virgin, who never really meant to deceive her father (even though, again, she did), and is also underage. Amanda is 19, absolutely not a virgin, and is also an irresponsible liar. And she’s dead by the end! YEAH. KINDA ICKY, THAT. Even then, that aside, this movie deserves a 5/10 for me. Just...not great, really.

Directing and Action

Well, this category’s gonna toe for highest. Here, that’s mostly just because it’s fine. This is the work of Pierre Morel, from the director’s chair, and it’s technically only the second movie that he’d directed at the time. It’s entirely competent, but not exactly Oscar-worthy. Surprisingly along the same token is the action, which is...fine. Neeson does a good job carrying the stunts, and they’re definitely good action scenes...but they’re also TERRIBLY SHOT, specifically during the driving scenes, OH MY GOD. Those scenes are rough to watch. So, yeah, this is getting a 7/10. Like I said, they’re fine…I guess.

Production and Art Design

Here’s the other highest category! Why? Because it’s FINE! OK, look this easily could be because I’m still learning about this whole film thing, and I’m very much a novice/amateur critic. But...yeah, it’s OK. Definitely doesn’t stick out to me. Nothing bad, but nothing that made my jaw drop. It’s...fine. 7/10.

Music is generic and definitely not a track I would recognize if you played it for me. Honestly, upon listening to it, it’s VERY subdued throughout the movie, and doesn’t really have any impact. And for an action movie, the score’s gotta be impactful. But then, weirdly, there’s one or two instances where the music doesn’t fit with the action. In fact, in the ending boat fight that happens, and then the music is actually TOO LOUD at a certain point. Editing here, overall, is just very inconsistent. That goes for sound AND video, as some of the scenes are just WAY too choppy in terms of editing. Again, the driving scenes are a great showcase of this! Good pacing, though, I will say that. Not a high score for this one, at a 5/10.

Which brings us to a...60%! Yeah, sounds about right.

I’m probably not gonna watch this one again any time soon. It’s not even one of those movies that’s so bad it’s good. It’s just...boring. And dull, and predictable, and...not really a good movie. Great meme, but the rest of it? Meh.

Pfffffffffft, OK. Not really in the mood for another Neeson, not gonna lie. Same for you, Besson, sorry. But I’m not done with French thrillers...no, I’m not done with French thrillers. But let’s go back, FAR back this time, about 68 years...to black-and-white. This one should be interesting.

January 21, 2021: The Wages of Fear (1953)

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “who I am”. Mal Hades and Uma freeze for a moment. The gravity of their bonding moment sinking in. Then they burst out laughing. And they’re only stopped by Harry flying through the closed french windows and crashing into the gazebo)

Ben: sorry. My bad. He encroached on my personal space

Harriet: he walked past you

Ben: he walked past behind me.

Harriet: so the fuck what?

Mal: Ben’s got a fight or flight response when it comes to the gnome.

Gil: it’s what happens when you do what Harry did to him

Cj: which is what exactly?

Ben: kidnapping me, trying to sell Gil to me, attempted to kill me and was accessory to the almost capsizing of the cotillion yacht that me and all my friends were on

Cj: that is barely worth mentioning and in any

Evie: Ok everyone shut up I need to talk to the happy couple

Harry: I think my legs are broked

Evie: no one cares flapjack face. Ben. Mal. Join me at the kitchen island

Mal: you wanna tell her or shall I?

Ben: umm. Me? (Mal gives him the go ahead). Um. Evie. Uh. Heheh. We sort of decided on most of the um important stuff so you don’t have to plan. You just have organise

Evie: and the four things?

Mal: I can create my new dress with magic. I’m going to ask my mom if I can borrow a necklace. I’ve got the class ring Ben gave me. And I can redo the hair streaks my exposure to the ember made for the ceremony. Sorted

Evie (through a forced, fixed smile): so I’m utterly superfluous

Carlos: pretty much yeah.

Jay: c’mon E. this is probably gonna be the first royal wedding in history where the couple have their heads on screwed on right

Evie: mhmm mhmm yeah yes of that is true however HOWEVER there’s the little slight wrinkle of me being all but shut out from the proceedings

Mal: you’re still in the party. After Jane - oh shit Jane! - and Evie’s fainted. Doug, buddy, could you alert me when she wakes up. I gotta go talk with the guest of honour

(She bustles over your Jane who’s just outside and nursing a large glass)

Mal: hey bud

Jane (slightly glazed look in her eye): heya Mally. How’re hic you doin?

Mal: I actually came over to see how you were doing. I got wrapped in my own drama again. I’m sorry

Jane: ah don’t be. I’ve come to expect. Nothings about me. Never. Not even my own birthdays. You know in my four teeth I got ‘tention?

Mal: no

Jane: Chas copied off me in algebra. Ma thought I cheated. Registration thingumy. Him fore I. So I spent that afternoon clapping erasers. So see. Never bout me

Mal: ah. Well this was supposed to be about you. And I’ve shirked you to a corner drinking....

Jane: 🎶colada’🎶

Mal: right. Judging your countenance I’d say not a virgin one. How many have you had?

Jane: one. About eighty, eighty eight times? I think. Might be more

Mal: I see. Wanna stitck by me for the evening?

Jane (pouty): will you show off those sceptre tricks you’ve been working on?

Mal (chuckling): if you want

Hades (from the kitchen): Mal! Evie is awake and demanding your presence

Evie: I refuse to be shut out!

Mal: (long, long sigh) I am so sorry Jane. Let me try and make things better.

(She points her finger at the ground and Hadie materialises in a plume of green smoke. He’s trying a hat on)

Hadie: strange, I could’ve sworn there was a mirror there

Mal: what in dad’s name are you wearing?

Hadie: oh. Doug said I should get changed. Lovely guy by the way. Evie chose well. Dizzy took me upstairs to the changing rooms. And I saw a large picture as I passed her room. He was wearing this precise outfit. So I replicated the look and was just fixing the hat when you summoned me. You like?

Mal (very calm): Jefferson. Please tell me you replicated the look and not replaced it. All three of them will kill me if that posters wearing a bathrobe

Hadie: (beat) ok. NOW it’s replicated

Mal: good. Now could you please do me a favour and keep an eye on Jane? Birthday girl shouldn’t be left alone

Hadie: it’d be my pleasure

Mal: great thanks. I gotta go

Jane: he’s tall. Er then me

(Mal goes back into the house and heads towards Evie)

Mal: what is it now?

Evie: you just can’t keep me out of your wedding planning. I’m the WEDDING PLANNER

Ben: we’re not keeping you out E. We’re just shutting down the ideas we don’t like

Evie: you’re not even supposed to be part of the conversation! You’re the groom you’re only job is to show up sober

Mal: really? Well that scuppers my plans to be blitzed during the ceremony

Evie: oh here we go...

(As they continue arguing Uma heaves a long suffering sigh and goes outside, Lonnie goes over to check up on Gil who’s eyes are scrunched shut with his hands over his ears)

Lonnie: you ok

Gil: I don’t like it when my friends fight

Lonnie: I know. Hey jay. Could you help us out here please?

Jay: sure. Hmmm. Ooh. I know. To get rid of these ants in their pants/I command thee all to get up and dance.

(Some music starts up and everyone freezes)

Jay (taking Gil’s hands away from his ears): at your leisure qayidi 'aw rbany

(This is when “backflip” happens. After the song the spells breaks)

Evie: what happened?

Lonnie: you three were arguing, Gil got upset so Jay broke the argument up and we all danced

Mal: sorry bud

Ben: sorry bro

Evie: yeah sorry

Gil: s’ok

Evie: what were we arguing about?

Mal: beats me

Ben: ditto

Cj: I know

Jay: no ya don’t

Cj: ....uhhhh....OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO HARRY!

Ben (much more then dismissively): eh he’ll be fine. Where’s Uma?

Elsa (refreezing the now lukewarm beer): she headed back outside Benjamin

Ben: ohhhh yeah uhhhh heheh you mind?

Mal: nah, go ahead. Do what you gotta do

Ben: thank you

(Outside Uma’s ranting and raving about how Mal “always wins” and how she “always loses” but she stops when Ben approaches her)

Uma: ohhhh What do you want?

Ben: talk?

Uma: oh yeah? What about?

Ben: uh, you?

Uma: why? I could see you lot in there perfectly happy, dancing about, not a care in the damn world, you and your FUCKING FRIVOLITY!!!!

Ben: ohhhh riiiight yeah I understand now, can’t be easy. Worlds in tatters, your entire life perceptions been upended, you think you’ve got on the same page with some of your family then you see your cousins arguing about wedding planning so you don’t think they’re taking things seriously. Completely understandable

Uma:...yeah I’m a little tipsy so you’re gonna have to slow down

Ben: you think you patched things up with Mal then you turn around and she’s not focusing on what you deem necessary

Uma: I’m not gonna “patch things up” until she admits and pays for what she did to me

Ben: what more can she do though? I mean seriously. She apologised, tried to let you kill her and she’s protected celia throughout most of today. Most things are a two way street Uma. And it’s up to you wether you accept her apology or not. No one can but you

Uma: I...don’t...KNOW. I DUNNO! GOD! I can’t stand it! She gets everything! The title, the reverence, the power, immortality! This past year I’ve been in my own personal hell while she’s been over here swanning about and owning the whole fucking place! It’s not fair that she gets all this and I get pruny hands and a barnaclised first mate!

Ben: have you told Mal this?

Uma: what? And be vulnerable towards the cow? I thought you were smart

Ben: (chuckles) m’sorry. Shouldn’t laugh

Uma (scoffing): s’alright. It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. But I can’t help it. Cause when she’s been here, I’ve been down there. With my oh so delightful mother. And yeah I know it’s stupid. I can’t let it go. I’m not ice bitch. The sea waits and it will have its revenge! I’mramblingaren’tI?

Ben: mhmm. But that’s ok. You deserve it. Honestly every vk on this property has a right to complain and then some.

Uma: im done. You can go

Ben: before I do can I give you my thoughts quick?

Uma: whatever

Ben: I can help you. Believe me. All I want to do is help. But you kidnapped me. You tortured me. You tried to kill me. Why? To stick it to Mal? To make yourself feel better. All you had to do was ask and I would’ve listened to you. I will in fact still listen to you. I want to be friends with you but you need to let this petty vendetta go. It won’t do anyone any good to dwell on the past. I only hope you understand that

Uma: petty? Me? Petty?

Ben: mhmm.

Uma: bitch!

Ben: oh please. Everyone has a fatal flaw. I, apparently, have a tendency to be a smidge naive

Uma (utterly deadpan): really? I never would’ve believed it.

Ben: are you sure you can’t see yourself one day letting what happened go?

Uma: nope

Ben: why not?

Uma: cause it feels right. Evening the score feels right. And frankly I don’t care what you think. It’s simple as that. I don’t care

(This is when “I’ve gotta be me” happens)

[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather Chapter 27: Ignoring Nikki

Warning: Mentions of drug use

Model Iman Darlington takes spotlight at London Fashion Week.

Model Iman Darlington took centre stage at London Fashion Week on Saturday night with a gala charity benefit at the impressive setting of the world famous British Museum.

At the event, the British Museum's steps and foyer became a red carpet staging area for fashionable elite who passed the time drinking chilled champagne and margaritas while last minute checks were made on the models' makeup and outfits. This is Karen Dupont for BBC News.

I smiled watching the news. I felt so proud of my self that people talked about me for London fashion week. I mean there were other models but they mostly recognized me as the top model. I was getting called for more magazine shoots, more commercial ads, and more auditions for movies. It was like a dream come true.

I heard a knock on my door as I was getting ready for the fashion show. I looked out the peek hole and saw Nikki standing there. Didn't he say he was leaving today? I opened the door and saw a big smile plastered on his face.

"I thought you were leaving today?" I asked.

"I am but I was just thinking about what you said yesterday. About us being friends." He spoke softly.

I moved to the side to let him come into my room. He walked in and sat down on the arm chair of the couch. And crossed his arms over his chest.

"If you say your going to be my friend it means that if I call you to hang out you'll come out right?"

"Well yeah...but..but if I'm not busy." I point at him.

"But it's not even just that. If I need you in some way. Will you actually be there for me?" He asked with concern.

I didn't know what to say cause my plan was to distance my self slowly.

"I mean, I don't want you to tell me that you're my friend but you're actually fucking around and lying to me. It will piss me off."

I sighed. "I am your friend and if you call me I will be there for you." I assured him.

"Promise." He asked with worry.

Oh God no! If I make this promise I'm doomed. Nikki isn't a bad person it's just the drugs that makes me not want to be around him.

"I promise." I smiled. He got up and took my hand in his and kissed them. "I have to head out. I wanna watch you walk one day at a fashion show. I'm sure I'll enjoy watching those hips and ass sway side to side." He grinned.

"Nikki." I rolled my eyes. "Get out of my room."

He kissed my cheek and started heading out my door. "Oh your going to be in Italy on the 18 right? Milan?" He stopped and turned around raising a brow.

"Y...yes...wait what?" I asked with confusion. I never told him I was going to Italy.

"Here." He says pulling out a paper from his jacket pocket. "These are the places we're going to next and the hotels were staying at so you can call me." He walks bringing me the paper. "I'll call you at your hotel." He smirks and walks back out of my room.

"Wait...wait Nikki." I poke my head out of my room. "I never told you I was going to Italy. Who's giving you my information?" I raised my voice.

He had his bags in the hall and pushed the elevator button. He turned and smirked at me. "Bye princess." He got into the elevator and left.

Ok what the hell, how does he know where I'm going to be?

The show was a success again. Tomorrow would be the last show and then I would be flying out right away to Milan. I was very excited. 

____

February 18, 1986

I just finished the last show in London. I had a couple hours to spare so I decided on hanging with the girls before I had to leave for Milan. I realized that the only time I would get to sleep is on the plane. As soon as I get there I would have to quickly shower and get ready for the fashion show.

We all went out to eat and talked about how fun it was. I thought to my self that the show was fun, but I didn't get the experience I truly wanted. Nikki Sixx is to blame for that. My fondest memory on this trip is Valentine's Day and how he was nearly thrown into the trash like nothing. I'm hoping to make good memories in Milan and not think about these ones in London.

Vince had called me to say that he's seen me on the news and wanted to hang out as soon as I got back. I told him for sure we can. Nikki also called but he was completely high out of his mind. He was slurring non stop and didn't make any sense. He rambled on and on about making me happy, and us moving in together, and how I hurt him. I had to tell him to go to sleep and call me when he's sober. I couldn't be bothered with him at the moment right now. I even started thinking about the promise I made to be there for him, I guess I could try to.

Who am I kidding, I have a lot going on with me right now I won't be able to focus on him. Besides he's a grown ass man and should be able to get himself together. It's the life he chose.

When I get to Italy I planned on sight seeing and taking pictures. Plus Derek called and asked me if he could come up and check me out. I called Tamara and asked her what she thought about it. She was more than happy she was ecstatic. She kept on saying make sure paparazzi catch us together. Well with Derek planning on making a trip to Milan I guess I will have no time to call Nikki or even answer his calls. There.. now I have an excuse to ignore his calls. _____

February 1986, Paris

Nikki's POV

"I'm sorry Mr.Sixx, Miss Darlington is still not available. Would you like to leave another message?"

I slammed the phone down in anger. I have been calling her for 3 days since she reached Milan and she's not answering her phone. Is she ignoring me? Why would she do that when she said that we should be friends again? I even gave her my information of where I would be staying so that she could call me as well.

I pulled out a bindle of coke and lined it on the table. I snorted it up then made another line and snorted that one up too.

I feel like fucking shit today. Last night I wanted to run out and look for heroin, but I forced my self to lie in bed and wait for sleep to come. I wasn't going to kick heroin, but maybe it was time to slow down. I started trying to control my intake. I'd shoot up one day, then stay clean the next. Somtimes I'd go as many as three days without shooting up.

But I'm just fooling myself. I'm so addicted to it that I can't stop. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock on my door.

"Hey dude."

"Hey T bone." I moved to the side so he could come in.

"Wow man you look like shit." He laughed and sat down on the chair by the table.

"Yeah I feel like it too." I sat on my bed leaning my back against the head board. I wonder if I should call her again?

Tommy pulled out and baggy and made some lines on the table. "Hey Sixx what's up with you?" He says as he starts snorting the lines.

"Mani's not answering my calls. It's been 3 fucking days and she hasn't got back to me. I knew she was just fucking around." I spat and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Bro she's probably sight seeing. Let her live. Besides when she gets back to LA you can chase her down all you want."

"You don't fucking get it Tommy." I huffed.

"Ok tell me Sixx." Tommy rubbed his nose and turned to me.

I sighed. "We've had intimate conversations Tommy. She's told me about her life and her family. How her dad left her mom when they were growing up because he wanted to fuck some other whore. I even told her about my life and the things I've gone through. I'm comfortable around her, like I don't have to hide who I am. And she sees right through my bull shit. At first I just wanted us to fuck each other. And I mean only each other with no label to it. But now I feel different. Especially when she told me she's a virgin. I feel very different about her. I don't want anyone else having her. It'll kill me Tommy."

Tommy let out a humorous laugh."Trust me Sixx I do get it. I feel for Heather what you feel for Iman." He made a couple more lines on the table and started snorting them up.

I felt agitated and angry. One because I haven't had a fix since last night and two because fucking Iman was ignoring me. You can't just block someone out for three days straight. I left her several messages so theres no excuse why she wouldn't get back to me. And I would think that after the night I gave her when we went on the tour bus, walked around London, and me winning her that bear that she would want to speak to me.

I feel hurt and angry, she's just like the rest of those prissy model bitches. Why did I ever look at her like she was any different. In truth she actually started out different. She was nice and genuine, but now it seems to me as she's getting bigger in fame so is her attitude. ____

It was our last show today in paris. Warren DeMartini from Ratt and Phil Collen from Def Leppard are jamming with us on stage. We had a blast we kicked ass. I decided to act like a dick after the show. I saw the camera following us backstage so I decided to pull my dick out and flash the audience. I thought it was funny.

I didn't really feel like sticking around for the after party. The guys were pretty shocked when I told them I wanted to head back to the hotel and be left alone. Mick padded me on the back and gave me a genuine smile. I opened up to Mick about how I felt about Iman. He was the first person who knew. I got back to the hotel to check and see if she returned my calls or left me any messages.

"Hey has any body called me or left me any messages?" I asked the hotel clerk. "Im Nikki Sixx."

She looked at her book flipping through pages. "Mmm no Mr. Sixx sorry there are no messages for you." She politely spoke.

I walked away and headed up stairs to my room. When I got in I sat by the phone. I stared at it for some time wondering if I should call again or just leave it. I can't believe she's ignoring me I can't believe she's fucking treating me like shit. I grabbed the phone and dialed her hotel again. We were going to be leaving soon and heading back to LA and it was pissing me off. I know I wouldn't get to see her because her cunt manager Tamara was always on her case making sure that she stays away from big bad Nikki.

"Hello front desk, how may I help you?"

"Hi this is Nikki Sixx, is Iman Darlington available to speak?" I asked biting my nails.

"Give me second Mr.Sixx I will check."

I waited impatiently, my knees started shaking in agitation.

"Hello Mr.Sixx shes not available would you like to leave another message?"

I slammed the phone and punched the lamp on the side of my table. So her promise meant absolutely nothing. She probably just smiled in my face and said those things to make me get out of her room. If she knew she didn't really want to talk to me she should have just said it so I wouldn't be chasing her down like an asshole. Fuck this, I need something to get her out of my head. I can't have these feelings. I don't know how to even deal with them. I grabbed my suitcase and pulled out my phone book. I grabbed the phone and called my dealer in LA and told him to meet me at the airport. Then I called a limo to pick him up to make sure he'd be on time.

I fidgeted in my seat the whole plane ride, thinking about getting that first sweet hit of heroin in my veins. I didn't care about anything any more I just needed to escape the sorrows of my life. As soon as we landed I was the first one off the plane. I ran to the limo without even giving a shit about my bandmates. As soon as I saw Jason, I grabbed my shit and had the needle in my arm before the door even closed. Fuck Iman and all her bullshit....I don't need her. _____

LA

Iman's POV

I returned home from Italy. The trip was amazing I met so many wonderful people there and made new friends. It is definitely somewhere I would like to visit again not just for work purposes. Lisa had called me and asked me to hang out she had gossip for me that I really needed to hear. I had a week break before going back to work. So I planned on really using the time to hang out with friends and shop.

She picked me up and we went over to her place to hang out. She looked very different. She wasn't the Lisa I remember seeing before I left. She was skinnier, her skin looked pale, and her eyes looked sunken into her head. She looked like Theresa. It was scary to see.

I told her all about Italy and the fashion show. And also about Derek coming down to Italy. She squealed and screamed when I told her about everything we did in Italy. I even went as far as to tell her about London and what happened with Nikki.

"Wow I can't beleive all that happened in London. So he was actually going to be thrown in the trash?" Her eyes went wide.

"Yes he was, I had to rub his back all night. And then the next morning I was falling asleep during the cat walk." I laughed.

"You know he bought a place. A house actually, I been there a couple of times with Izzy and Slash."

"Really!" I raised a brow. "Wow that's good for him. I remember when he was living with Robbin Crosby at his apartment. I went there a couple of times. Where's his house located at anyways?"

She got off her bed and walked towards her dresser to pull a piece of paper out. "Its at 14432 Valley Vista Boulevard. Apparently his girlfriend picked out the place for him while he was on tour." She points out.

His girlfriend! Why am I not surprised? I knew he was full of crap when he told me he wasn't dating Nicole. All this guy ever does is lie. Now I don't feel bad for ignoring his calls one bit.

"He's been throwing huge parties at his place. Everyone whose anyone in the rock and roll scene has been there." She says walking back to her bed. "We went through bags of heroin, rocks of cocaine, cases of cristal, and whatever pills we could get our hands on." She starts laughing.

Wow I didn't know Lisa was in deep with this drug life.

"At one point Izzy Stradlin was rolled up in a ball by the fire place, porn stars were passed out in the living room, and oh my God Britt Ekland came up stumbling out of the bathroom. It was hilarious." She laughed.

I was a bit scared for her. Lisa is very talented and a gorgeous girl. I would hate to see her career go down the drain because of drugs.

"Soo have you had any modeling gigs or acting roles?" I asked hesitantly.

"Mmm no, I'm just chilling for now. Plus my parents have money so if I need something I just take it from them." She grins while plopping back on the bed.

"Maybe you should take it easy on the drugs and the booze and get back into the game. Don't you miss modeling and acting?" I spoke softly.

"We can't all have managers like Tamara who can get you shit tons of bookings." She says pulling a cigarette out of her dresser.

"W..well I can ask her to get you some bookings." I smiled.

"God fuck Iman can we talk about something other than work." She lights her cigarette. "Like me fucking Axl."

"Really!" I asked sitting up. "Girl spill?"

"Well we've been going out for a little while. I brought him over to Nikki's place but Nikki refused to let him in so instead he came over to mine. And well one thing lead to another and we had sex." She says blowing smoke out of her mouth.

I screamed and jumped towards her. I can't beleive her and Axl got together. I hope it lasts what ever it is that's going on between them.

"So are you two dating or what?" I question.

"Well I think we are...I mean I hope so. We've been talking non stop since." She says putting out her cigarette.

"If I tell you something you can't say anything to any one. You promise?" I tensed up and mumbled. Lisa nodded her head. "Oh God." I say putting my hands on my face. "I made out with Nikki 3 times." I mumbled so low that I couldn't even hear my self.

"Huh say that again I didn't hear you?" She says pulling my hands off my face.

"I made out with Nikki." I groaned.

Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. "You fucking bitch and you didn't tell me!" She screamed. "How many times?" At this point she was grabbing my arms squeezing them tightly.

"We made out three times. The last time I was actually naked but I couldn't do it." I got up and started pacing around the room. "He wanted us to have sex with out the label and then Vince went on about me being Nikkis whore-"

"What the fuck Vince said that!" She yelled interrupting me. "Fuck him Iman. He's a whore!" She yelled.

"No but he's right Nikki has a girlfriend. So I would have been the other woman." I sighed sadly.

She looked at me with a sad expression on her face. "Y'know Nikki was hurting pretty bad when he came back. I mean he was throwing the parties and everything but I could tell something was off. I think he really likes you."

I sat back down on the bed and sighed. "Lisa he was calling me while I was in Italy and I ignored all his calls." I frowned.

"Iman why?" She ask with confusion. "You just told me he made things right with you before he left. So why ignore him?" She put her hand on my shoulder.

I wanted to say it was because of the drugs. But then I realized Lisa was also doing drugs and God knows what ever else she just mentioned to me. I know if I brought up the drugs she would get pissed off. But maybe who knows it might open her eyes to know that this is something she needed to stop or it would ruin her.

"Because of the drugs." I looked up at her. She became uneasy and worked up again. She leaned over to her dresser and pulled out another cigarette. "I want someone who dosen't have to use drugs in order to have a good time."

She rolled her eyes and lit up her cigarette. "Like Derek right?" She says with a bitchy voice.

"Lisa I'm not judging."

"You know your no saint." She pointed at me. "You hang around drug addicts, dealers, and alcoholics. Slash does drugs, Izzy does drugs, Axl does drugs, Vince does drugs. Everybody is doing fucking drugs Iman. Welcome to 198 fucking 6 and open your eyes. Everybody is doing drugs!" She yelled.

I have never seen her so pissed off like this before. It was making me nervous. But she was right everybody I knew and met in Hollywood so far was doing drugs. Except for Tamara, Jess, Rachel, and the other two girls I met. And no matter how hard I tried to stay away from it. It's the people around me who are my friends that are doing it. And to say I would cut them all off meant that I would have to cut off Lisa, or worse Slash. And that's not going to happen.

"Sooner or later you will too." She snarled and blew smoke in my direction.

I got up and grabbed my purse. "I'm going to get going." I exhaled deeply.

"What fucking ever." She rolls her eyes. I headed for the door but turned around. "No I wont." I say with a serious tone.

"You won't what?" She snapped harshly.

"I will never do drugs." I replied and walked out of her room.

I knew it was the drugs talking and not Lisa. But the best thing for me was to just leave. I didn't want to fight her anymore than I already have.

Later that night....

I was back at the condo watching TV and eating. Tamara had phone a couple hours ago to let me know that she was on her way back. The phone started ringing so I got up to go and answer it.

"Hello."

Heavy Breathing.

"H...hello...I can hear you breathing who ever you are?"

"Iman."

It was Nikki.

"Iman I'm patrolling my house for intruders. Theres people in trees, I'm hearing cops on my roof, and there are helicopters outside my home with S.W.A.T teams coming to get me." He whispered.

"W..wait what? Hang on Nikki who's with you? Where are you?" I asked with worry.

"I have my .357 Magnum and I'm hunting for people in my closet. Some people might be under my bed, and inside the washing machines. Someone is hiding in my home."

Drugs.

"Nikki did you take something? If you did you can tell me?" I spoke softly trying not to cry.

It went silent and I could hear him starting to sniffle a bit.

"Why did you ignore me?" He started sobbing.

"Nikki." I whispered.

"Someones at my door." He says and he hangs up the phone.

I wasn't sure what to do. Should I call the police? Should I tell Tamara? Should I call his band mates? This was the whole reason why I wanted to stay away from Nikki. He was now paranoid with what ever drugs he was taking. I sighed and put the phone down. I walked over to the couch and stared at the TV.

"What am I suppose to do?"

[rereadingtwilight]

Eclipse Chapter 2

Is it weird to anyone else that she takes Spanish or just me 

Like Spanish isn’t the weird part, I love Spanish and I took AP Spanish in high school, but it’s just like her taking Spanish idk 

Ahh the sweet feeling of senioritis 

GO TO SENIOR PROM EVEN IF IT SUCKS IT MIGHT BE BETTER SINCE YOU PROBABLY WONT HAVE A BOOT ON 

I hope that Tyler kid asks her to prom again lol 

Lol I am the Alice of my friend group. I would love to dress all of my friends and give them makeovers everyday :) 

LOL “I doubt I’m that free to do what fun cool thing you’re thinking of, Alice bc I’m a giant stick in the mud” - Bella Swan 

You know Edward is avoiding Bella when he talks to MIKE 

Honestly mike seems a little forward yes, but like he isn’t as horrible as Bella makes him out to be 

Oh my god Bella focus. We get Edward is hot but what did Alice see bud

Bella if you’re the responsible one between you and your mom I’m concerned for your mom 

LOL Edward is sick of Bella’s house too 

Y’all better protect jasper with your life that’s my son 

Edward is kind of being a dick rn and I don’t appreciate it 

Let Bella see Jacob damn it 

LOL that did not go as planned huh edwardo 

WAIT NO BELLA TAKE JACOB TO SEE YOUR MOM INSTEAD I LIKE THAT IDEA 

Edward quit being a dick 

LOL CHARLIE TRYING TO HAVE THE SEX TALK 

“Don’t worry dad, Edwards 117 years old and still a virgin. I feel like abstinence is not a problem” 

Yes you are a bad person if you don’t make things right with Jacob again sorry I don’t make the rules 

YES GO AND SEE THE BOY 

EDWARD WAS WAITING IN THE TRUCK LOL 

HE TOOK APART HER CAR??? DICK MOVE BRO 

should’ve taken the damn police cruiser Bella 

And should’ve shut your window damn get a backbone sis 

Masterlist for the series / this book

[randomlerson75]

Stuff people at my high school have said or done

• “I’ll just pretend I broke my ankle. I’ll limp a little”

• “You’re face doesn’t even have many bones”

• “Do you wipe your ass with your fingers”

• “I look cute though so I’m saving it”

• “They’re not dirty minded they just have a sexy brain”

• “This is not a good situation now. I’m not happy”

• *sleeping in class and randomly screams* “STOP!!!”

• “I’m coloring my weed symbol”

• “I stretch pretty violently I’m sorry”

• “I look like I’m more full of life than you”

•”I’m a good person” “haha ok”

• “I’m gonna round it to the nearest 11”

• “You don’t always have to swallow”

• “What a fucking time to be alive”

• “why are you harissing me”

• “That’s why you turn around and punch him in the face”. “I don’t have time”

• “You are the highest grade”

• “Does it taste normal”. “No it tastes good”

• “Why are we all up in this cold ass blueberry”

• “The sun can’t be that hot”

• “I could have overreached but that would make me stupid”

• “I’m all muscle bro, it’s tight on me”

• ”I’m a stripper that’s how I make my money”

• “You’re my mom” *talking to the teacher*

• “Are you high” “just get it off”

• *laughs normally* “you sound like a pedophile”

• “Pinkie ring until I roll”

• *about to jump off a cliff in a video for free diving* “push her”

• “Capitalism is ok”

• “It’s so funny how you can be alive one second and dead the next”

• “Change the m in marijuana to a j. Jarijuana”

• *teacher puts desk in the hallway*

• “He smoked water”

• “You can’t speak Latin” “Can you?”

• “May I acquire a pencil” “yes you may” “have a blessed day”

• “I’m going to write a book about how depressed I am”

• “God has forsaken me”

• *girls trying to stab each other with scissors*

• “I got a pretty long weenus. It looks like a penis”

• “My skeleton is twerking”

• *draws a skeleton twerking* “this is why it’s fun to learn art”

• “Why does he have eye holes?” “He’s a skeleton”

• “Don’t get my businesses ”

• “YOU ARE A WHORE”

• “love is so good”

• “Happy 17th day of birth”

• “You know it’s cold when you walk outside and it’s cold

• “why are you smiling like a creep Jess?” “That’s my normal face”

• “I’m living my best life, right here right now”

• *About thirty kids doing nothing but snapping*

• “Yes, I am very racist about smart boards”

• “I used to be like ;) but now I’m like :|”

• “Physically I’m here but mentally I’m still at home”

• “Emotions are like hurricanes. They never go where they are suppose too”

• “it took me a whole 27 minutes”

• “I would pay for the fire alarm to go off again”

• “Why did we get such a gay name like Florence”

• “this is my dad” *points to Albert Einstein

• *A REAL debate on wether to rip the clippy part off of mechanical pencils*

• “Not gonna lie. I grinded a friends marathon this weekend”

• “FINISH THE TEA”

• “You should know to never mess with another persons tech deck”

• “She has a thing against white people even though she’s white”

• “Speak of the devil. All white, what a fright”

• “You are a children”

• “You think a bull in a china shop? How about a bomb in a restaurant”

• “Me do”

• “I cheesed myself”

• “I never said I was going to jump you at Bojangles”

• “Knitting is VERY fun”

• “I’m not good enough, I’m great enough”

• “North Korea, South Korea, Same thing”

• *drops pencil* “NOOOOOOOOO”

• *light flickers* “excuse you”

• “You can make Australia bigger?”

• “Why don’t we burn people at the stake anymore for doing crimes. It was proven very effective”

• “It’s like I went into the pits of hell”

• “Can I borrow her crutches” “She has a lot”

• “You have arms?”

• “I was born thick”

• “I wasn’t sick I was drunk”

• “be a good person. Go go go”

• “Lotion and ravioli”

• “It smells like weed in here”

• “F*ck oxygen”

• “bring it back tomorrow or you die”

• “Tables are for glasses, not asses”

• “Stick it in between her boobs”

• “A lot of religions end in ism” “Christianiaism”

• “I just want someone to snort my ashes. That would be cool. Mix it with a little cocaine”

• “The United States of Australia”

• “Clark Kent who. I’m kidding, that’s not even Spider-Man”

• “Mental cheese”

• “Your blood is not supposed to make whistling noises”

• “Who sleeps on a Friday night”

• “A whole ass race”

• “that’s a sexy button” “I know right”

• *Screams* “and....”

• “Judaism is neither a religion or race”

• “Have you ever met someone and thought ‘wow. I would feel no remorse killing you’”

•“I hate this school with a burning passion”

•“Beep beep in your seats”

•“What is wrong with the world? The simulation is breaking”

•“What if we’re each other’s dad”

•“You use mental gymnastics to get around your head and get what you want”

•”You can’t just roll up to North Korea. You have to beat me in bingo”

•*teachers wear a dress and played despacito on the trumpet*

• “He’s a stingy boi”

• “A for anarchy? Dude i wish”

• “shut up I’m choking”

• “The snack the smiles back” “GOLDFISH!!!”

• “Where’s the pointy boi?” “I don’t know. I have the thick boi”

• “Dude. Fish can’t talk”

• “Stop taking my eraser” “it’s a ruler” “it can be whatever it wants to be”

• “A female vacuum is attractive”

• “I can love you but not like you”

• “I am mother gothel mentally, physically and spiritually

• “Mother gothel is my religion”

• “IM GETTING A COW!!!!”

• “It’s like Leonardo Da’Vinchi but instead it’s Leonardo Decaprio”

• “I wish I had some crippling disease. Schizophrenia would be nice”

• “I’m gonna kill someone for the rush of adrenaline I’ll get. I’ll get pumped, then I’ll work out”

• “Should I become an important political figure”

• “My cats might have eaten him”

• “Who else is trying to overthrow the government”

• “Where’s our kid?” “He looked at me funny and I had to teach him a lesson. I flushed him down the toilet”

• “I text Jesus all the time”

• “You are a saucy boi”

• “Your neck is really soft. Do you know that?”

• “Um. No professor. I don’t give a fuck”

• “Bro I look like a whole ass beetle”

• “You know? I’m definitely going to hell. But I’ve accepted that”

• “We need to go to the woods and have a collective cry”

• “Moths = whore”

• “Can we watch more food videos”

• “Just outlive the old people and health care prices can go back to normal”

• “Let’s just start the gladiator games again to handle population”

• “I’ll be Michael Phelps”

• “Don’t you just hate it when Nolan steps on your 69 Barbie head”

• “He’s so 20”

• “LITTLE BOY! WHERE ARE YOUR NIPPLES”

• “You guys disgust me”

• “I thought I had a good nights sleep but then I stood up and was like ‘oh no’”

• “you look better as an apple”

• “Why the fuck does it smell like weed in here. Mrs. Burch be blazing it up”

• “What is the coast of South Carolina growing” “Fish”

• “Why are we here on Halloween but not on Thanksgiving”

• “Even though I’m 18 I still might go trick or treating”

• “All minors should be allowed to trick or treat”

• “Tomorrow is not today, is it?”

• “ah yes, the glorious uno and dos”

• “I think Kanye is a crackhead”

• “Like. She’s not hideous”

• “Casserole and Gatorade?”

• “That’s what Google’s for girly”

• “this class has corrupted me”

• “You stepped on my fat”

• “What would Jesus do?”

• *Squeaks kazoo in anguish*

• “We’re going to watch a video about the depression” “weird, nobody has been following me around with cameras”

• “Approximately 50 minutes till ice cream”

• “Did you know heroin is not good for you?”

• “I have the constant need to fight myself and my demons”

• “what the hell?” “I know”

• “you are crack-a-lakin me up”

• “I have no muscles so what’s the point”

• “Flex on the legless”

• “didn’t that movie come out in November? Fifty shades of green?”

• *County music blares from another class down the hall*

• “I got a twin brother” “What’s his name” “Pj”

• “Keep the iPhone in your ear”

• “Super white red lipstick”

• “They just need a lot more dollars”

• “Don’t be like Anthony” “Isn’t he your son”

• “There’s a lot that needs to happen in the next.... today”

• *Plays bagpipe music walking down the hallway*

• “Say sorry to Billie Eilish”

• “We should make army merch”

• “Some of us have bitch lips”

• “Time is moco loco”

• “Alfred Adler sounds like Adolf Hitler”

• “Albert Einstein is my favorite president” “YES”

• “It’s winter berries”

• “She just unfollowed your ass”

• “Do you ever get so mad you’re like rrrrr”

• “Bear Grills filtered that shit”

• “The US army is trying to recruit us with socks and bandannas”

• “This dude tastes bad”

• “I’m a sophisticated retard”

• “It’ll get your heart rate up” “I think asthma will make my heart rate go down”

• “She was like egh and the he was like EGH”

• *Door won’t open* “DISRESPECTFUL”

• “if she wasn’t my sister she would be my baby”

• “Will you let me make love to an Oreo”

• “Directions turn me on”

• “I’ll eat you” “Dude that’s gay”

• “you’ve been had a 69 in here”

• “I’m gonna be real with you. Hayden is a whole ass lesbian”

• “I’m sorry that picture is ugly. Sorry sis”

• “A whole jump suit with pikachu on it”

• “He’s been birthed”

• “Ru Paul’s drag race has been dragged”

• “Imma sip some chlorine”

• “why do you gotta throw up”

• “suicidal dog collar”

• “I’m pulling out Murphy’s head ass”

• “you’re gonna be single forever”

• “Do you trust me?” “No” “why” “you know why” “I told the truth after”

• “I didn’t mean to make her suicidal”

• “I did it in the most respectful way I possible could” “oh Jesus”

• “it’s not my fault she had that much of a connection”

• “she’s a sly bitch”

• *dresses in a Thomas the train hat and plays Thomas the train theme song on a piano*

• “I’m getting better at this” “what” “this”

• “It’s just my master plan to manipulate people’s emotions and have many successes in my future”

• “How do you do that” “I just empty my eyes”

• “You know what. Give me my birthday back”

• “Bitch bye. Not even cousins”

• “they go away. They don’t putt putt”

• “why” “so you don’t die in a police chase”

• “are you a virgin” “yes” *throws paper* “there’s my virginity for you”

• “I’m not stupid. I’m just not smart”

• *tries to hit someone with a decapitated mannequin head that has swim goggles on and fake blood coming out of its eyes*

• “you ignant”

• “I hope she chokes”

• “I had to sit at the edge of my chair, feet flat on the floor and hold my horn”

• “I don’t want to get my freaking hair done”

• “he hates my moms guts” “yeah no shit”

• “ok. Can you go cry over there”

• “Fuckin Jurassic world”

• “will you please beat up my mom”

• *drops phone purposefully* *immediately gets scared*

• “I want a new mom” “then break her”

• “did you just say what’s frog juice”

• *freshman walk by* “oh shit there’s a parade of them”

• “that five year old king is a queen”

• “Join the ranks”

• “Garrett’s carressing the computer” “cool”

• “You’re going into my dragons mouth”

• “Don’t snap my crab”

• “Crab breaking black belt”

• “are you milking the crab”

• “Cameron buttered my lemons”

• “Mixed with god”

• “What’s the juice”

• “I’m your bestie and you won’t even tell me the juice”

• “Let’s amazon.com this”

[333kaylynn]

Foreigner/ grayson dolan

hey guys its been a while but i hope u enjoy! im making this into two parts, hence the cliffhanger at the end (sorry folks)

tags: @bouttogolinkurbitch @kara-dolan @heathendolan @dimply-dolan @dolandreaminn @notanotherdolantwinsblog @justanotherdolanblog @doltishdolans @boujeebailey @emotionalxcherry22 @starrydolan @dolantwins-1999 @graysonsbitch @dolanwritings

word count: 1,682

request?: Can I have a scenario when G.D and the reader have BIG crush on each other and y/n are like bffffffs, soulmates and goals.Everyone knows about this crush but no one wants to admit it and one time after HUGE fight with Grey y/n is leaving to her country (she's a foreigner) and later Grey also is finding out that some their fans were bothering her. I need angst with happy ending. I hope thats not too much. 

(i hope u dont mind im making this into to parts love<3 i hope u enjoy tho, xoxo)

/ 

The way you flipped your hair and pulled it back into a ponytail was sure enough to get Grayson’s attention. Everything you do catches his attention. You hadn’t seemed to realize it, but everyone else did. You saw him as a potential love interest, but the way you assumed he saw you was not the same. It hurt you to think about him not feeling the same way but you knew, or at least you thought, that that was the case. 

Everything he did, you paid attention to. He was always so determined in what he did and you loved that about him.

"Y/n watch this!" Grayson ran into the pool and did a backflip, causing you to get splashed. You groaned out of frustration and glared at Grayson before laughing at his childlike mannerisms. "Good job Gray." You proceeded to run into the pool and swim towards him, splashing him as you do so.

You and Grayson were bestfriends until the end. Everyone knew that. Everyone also knew the feelings you two held in your hearts for eachother, but each of you hadn't seemed to notice the others true feelings. The two of you would constantly flirt with eachother and everyone saw it. But you both just saw it as a normal thing friends do.

You both swam to the ladder on the edge of the pool and climbed out. Grayson watched as you flipped your hair out of your face and squeezed as much of the water out as you could. You tossed your now slightly knotted hair up into a bun. Grayson grabbed himself a towel and tossed you one so you could dry off before walking back inside.

"She clearly likes you, Gray." Ethan whispered to his brother who was eyeing you as you walked around the kitchen, putting the clean dishes away. You danced marvelously around the kitchen, spinning around without a care in the world.

"Highly unlikely, bro. She sees me as a friend and nothing more." Grayson continued eyeing you, smiling at your freed state of being. You started quietly singing "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" by Tears for Fears, and Grayson grinned at the soft sounds of the melodies coming out of your mouth.

"Nope. I see it. You like her, obviously, and she likes you. Just ask her on a date dude. What's the worst that could happen?" Ethan nudged Grayson and Grayson sighed before answering, "Um, she could say no? I could potentially ruin our entire friendship?"

Ethan ignored Grayson's answer and pushed him into the kitchen where you had still been singing.

Y/n hadn’t felt true affection in ages. It’s as if love didn’t really exist in her books. She’s felt the friendly affectionate vibes that Grayson gives her, but nothing that made it feel like she had a soulmate. She always felt out of the group with her friends because while they had all been out losing their virginities, she sat at home and could only imagine what the feeling was like. Grayson gave her only a sliver of the feeling she truly wanted. But she wanted more. More from him, specifically. You see, she was head over heels for this boy ever since they met. Her worries and problems washed away when she was around him because the only emotion she felt was happiness. She had this odd infatuation with him and the lust shown in her eyes when they were just simply swimming in the pool was enough for everyone but Grayson to see how in love she is with him. 

“Gray! Get over here!” Y/n yells and Grayson walks over, “Yes darling?” You pick up a handful of the soap bubbles and blow them onto his face, allowing a few to sit atop his set of hair. 

“That’s what you wanted?” Grayson laughs and runs after you as you run out of the kitchen and outside. You’re now standing on the opposite side of the pool, Grayson watching you intently to make sure he knows which way you’re about to go so he can chase after you. You look to your left and then to your right and immediately run to your left and go up past Grayson, pushing him into the pool while you run passed. You walked back into the house while laughing to yourself and Ethan looks up and asks, “What’s so funny, Y/n?” Right as he says that, Grayson walks in, “I’m going to KILL you.” He points at you and you laugh before putting on a face of pure horror and running away from him again.

After a while Grayson quits chasing you and he changes into dry clothes. 

“Y/n, come out here!” Grayson asks as he grills something. You walk out and look over his shoulder at the kebabs that sat on the grill cooking. “Yes?” 

Grayson sets down the stick he was using to move the food and lifts you up, running to the pool, and throwing you in. Immediately you start flopping around and screaming, “Gray! I can’t- can’t swim!” 

Grayson’s face is full of shock and without a second doubt he runs into the pool and grabs you. You start laughing and Grayson looks at you. “What’s so funny?” 

“We literally went swimming yesterday, Grayson. I can swim just fine! See?” You let go from his grip, which you really were longing for, and swam around, causing Grayson to get pissed but he started laughing along with you after a minute. 

“I think we should go clubbing tomorrow.” You say out of the blue, causing Grayson to stop swimming and look over at you. 

“Why?” He asks, allowing you to continue. “It’ll be fun, I wanna get out and partyyyy.” You say, rolling your head back as you say party and swimming closer to him. 

The next day rolled around and you wandered downstairs in your pajamas and saw Grayson and Ethan sitting at the island counter eating breakfast and checking their phones. You sighed and took a seat across from Ethan and Grayson greets you and gives you a small grin. You smile back and head back upstairs to get ready for the day.

"We still going out tonight?" Grayson asked as he peaked into your room and soon walking fully into the room. You nod and spun around after you finished straightening your last bit of hair. "Of course we are. Is E joining?"

"Yeah most likely. Are we going to Black Rabbit?" Grayson asks as he takes a seat onto your bed. You smile and reply with a simple "Yeah." and go back to doing your makeup. 

The two of you arrived at the club and you immediately began dancing with the crowd of people amongst you. You had absolutely no care in the world, and Grayson simply stood and admired you from afar. Little did he know, you were doing the same, but you were better at hiding it. Obviously you couldn’t tell Grayson was staring at you, watching the way your hips swayed softly to the beat of the music, but anyone else that payed attention could. That’s what sucks so much for Grayson, he knows that other people know, but sadly you don’t and he doesn’t have the courage to tell you himself. 

“Y/n, come dance with me!” Grayson pulled you away from the group of people you were surrounded by and you smiled before grabbing onto his hands and dancing to the beat of the song. Grayson twirled you underneath his arm and spun you closer to him, causing the two of you to laugh at your child-like selves. You wandered off and Grayson headed to get the two of you drinks. When Grayson arrived back to the spot you were before, you were gone. Grayson looked around to find you until he eventually spotted you. You were dancing with a few of the men that had surrounded themselves onto you and Grayson watched in disbelief as you grinded against them. He got fed up and yelled for you to come over, “Y/n! Come on.” The boys yelled back for her as she continued to sway her hips on their crotches. “She doesn’t wanna go with you dude.” Grayson sighed and walked closer and grabbed onto your arm and you ripped away and continued dancing, you turned around and put your arms on the boys shoulder, dancing more and more. “She already said she didn’t want to go with you, leave her alone!” Grayson ignored the comment and turned to you, “Come on, y/n! I thought you wanted to spend time with me, not be a fucking slut.” You turned around and looked at Grayson, your eyes watering but you won’t allow tears to fall. Before you can say anything, Grayson gets punched in the face. You were sick of it, and you decided to sneak off and leave the club. 

As you arrived home you grabbed your computer and began searching for tickets to fly back home. This wasn’t a permanent decision, you knew that, your life was here. But you needed space, specifically from Grayson. You purchased a ticket for the flight at 7:45 am the next morning and closed your computer before locking your door and falling asleep. 

The next morning you woke up to your alarm blasting and you got up and grabbed the bag you had packed the night before. You walk outside and shove the bag into your backseat and drive to the airport, ready for your long flight back to your home country. 

-

You arrive home and get in a taxi to your parents house, where you would be staying. You knocked three times on the door very softly and began to take your shoes off before entering the house. Your mother opened the door and pulled you in for a hug. “jib-eseo mwohago issni?” (What are you doing at home?) You sighed and walked into the house and sat onto the couch before continuing, “Geuleiseun.” (Grayson)

“geuga museun jis-eul hangeoya?“ (What did he do?) You sighed before continuing with the conversation, 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you have a crush right now? I mean, ya’ll know about my love for Alexander Skarsgard. haha.

What are your crush’s/partner’s initials? AS.

Do you shop at Wal-Mart or Mejyer’s more often? Well, I have no idea what Mejver’s is, but I do go to Walmart often.

What’s your favorite store? (other than Hot Topic) lol why do you just assume it’s Hot Topic? Anyway, I like Target, Walmart, and various places online.

What do you think about tatoos on women? That’s cool for them? I don’t care.

Do you drink? Smoke? Nope.

Any nonperscription drugs? Perscription drugs? I take a prescription pain medication.

Are you alergic to anything? What? Tangerines.

Have the cops ever gotten on to you for anything before? No.

What other countries have you visited? States? I’ve left the US once and that was when I went to Mexico. As for states, I’ve been to Arizona, Idaho, and Georgia. And California, obviously. Like I’ve actually been to these places, and not just driven through, in which case there would be a lot more.

Do you have a Myspace? And if so what is your screen name? It still exists, but I haven’t been on it in several years.

Do you have a Youtube? Yeah.

Facebook? Yes.

Gaia? No.

Bzoink? No. I went on there back in the Myspace days for surveys sometimes, but I don’t think I ever made an account.

What email thingie do you use? (yahoo, gamil, rock) Yahoo.

Do you own a cellphone? If so what kind is it? Yes, an iPhone 6S Plus.

Do you text? Sometimes.

Do you have a digital camera? What kind is it? I use my phone.

What is your most common typo? (I keep typing have, ahve, grrr) *shrug*

What kind of computer do you have? A MacBook Air.

Do you have an ipod/mp3 player? Again, I just use my phone.

What game system(s) do you own? A PS4, PS2, and a Wii. They’re my brother’s, but I’ve used ‘em. My family and I use the PS4 for a DVD player, actually.

What is your favorite video game of all time? Mario Bros are classic.

Are you any good at Guitar Hero? I rocked out on easy mode, man. ha. I want to play now.

Have you ever played Call of Duty? Nope. I’m not into those types of games.

Do you play games on the computer? I have The Sims 4 on here.

What is your favorite/most visited website? Tumblr.

Can you type fast? Yes.

What color are the walls in your room? White.

What kind of floors do you have? Carpet.

How many doors are in your house? Windows? 8 doors, 3 windows.

Do you have any posters on your walls? Of what? Yes. I have 4 giraffe paintings and two ocean/beach themed ones.

What kind of bed do you have? (fouton, twin, bunk) I have a full.

Is your bed comfertable? Yeah.

Would you rather sleep on the floor? Nooo. I wouldn’t get any sleep cause it’d be super uncomfortable. I’m too bony and don’t have enough cush in the tush.

Where is your computer located? Right here on my bed. I just keep it there since that’s where I always am.

Do you have a tv in your room? I do.

Other than a closest do you use a dresser/wardrobe to keep your clothes in? I have a dresser and a hamper for clean clothes as well because I don’t have enough room in my dresser.

How many mirrors do you have in your house? (other than hand helds people) 5.

How many rooms are in your house all together? 7, but only 2 bedrooms.

How many floors? 1.

Do you have a garage? Yes.

Should you be doing anything right now? What? Nah.

Do doctors or dentists make you more nervous? Both, but right now the dentist would definitely be a lot worse. I’ve never done well with going to the dentist, like I have major freakouts.

Did you ever think you were about to die before? Yes.

Have you ever really had a near death experience? Was it cool? Yes, twice. Uh, no I wouldn’t consider it cool at all.

How often do you brush your teeth? Once at least, sometimes twice.

How often do you shower? (Come on, tell the truth) Every 1-2 days.

Is it warmer or colder where you live? It’s cold right now. Like it’s finally cold and rainy and I love it.

What is your favorite kind of weather? The kind we’re having now.

Favorite seasong? Fall and winter.

Favorite month? October and December.

What is your relationship status? Single.

Sexual orientation? Straight. Do you pick your nose? No.

Do you ever tell people when you have to go pee? No. I don’t know why people feel the need to announce to that.

Have you ever cheated on anybody? No.

Ever done something illgeal? Nothing major, but yeah.

Are you a virgin? I am.

Have you ever done pot? Yes.

Ever tasted beer? Yes.

Ultimate turn on? Ultimate turn off? Neck kisses are a turn on, arrogance and cockiness are a major turn off.

Do you have to shave your toes? No.

Do you have chronic foot odor? No.

Do you use deodorent? I do.

Most embaressing singer/band/group you listen to? I’m not embarrassed by any of the bands/artists I listen to.

Most embaressing tv show you watch? I’m not embarrassed by that either.

Have you ever crapped your pants? No.

Have you ever….

Been skiing? No.

Eaten sushi? Ew, yes I’ve tried it. It’s so awful I don’t get the hype.

Seen a dead body? Yes.

Killed a bug with a magnifying glass? No.

Poured salt on a slug? No.

Cried in front of someone? Yep.

Drowned? Well, no. That’s something I’m afraid of; though, which is part of why I avoid going into bodies of water. Even in a swimming pool, like I used a floatie but I end up just staying by the edges because going out in the middle terrifies me. I can’t swim for one, and I’m too much of a scardy cat to ever learn. Like nah, I’m good.

Been shot? Actually, yes.

Inflicted pain upon yourself on purpose? Yes.

Laughed so hard you thought you were gonna puke? No.

Wanted to do mushrooms? No.

Kissed someone of the same gender? No.

Been so nervous you thought you were gonna pass out? Oh yes.

Passed out? No.

Fallen asleep in class? No.

Shot a gun? Yes. I’ve been to a shooting range once with some friends.

Driven a car? No.

Stolen anything? When I was a kid I sometimes took the candy from the big candy tubs at the grocery store because I thought it was ours for the taking. Whoops.

Can you….

Use chopsticks? No. Never got the hang of it, but also never really gave it a real, serious try. I didn’t have the patience.

Tie a good knot? Well enough for my shoes. I can’t do different types or anything with rope.

Snap yo fingers? Yeah.

Do a cartwheel? No.

Do the splits? No.

Sing well? Nope, I can’t sing for crap.

Dance well? ^^^^

Make yourself fart? I’ve never tried or wanted to try.

Rotate your fingers in two different directions? Yeah.

Start a fire with two sticks? Never tried.

Do any magic tricks? If so what? Nope.

Hold your breath for longer than one minute? Nope.

Cross your eyes with using your finger? I wouldn’t want to try.

Draw well? Nope.

Make a baby laugh? I have.

Stick your finger down your throat without gagging? No. I barely start to stick it in there and I’ll start gagging.

Touch your tongue to your nose? No.

Curl/roll your tongue? No.

Make your tongue do that clover looking thing? No. I don’t have any tongue tricks, sorry.

Do the worm? No.

Touch your toes for longer than five seconds? *touches toes for 5 seconds* Yep.

Do a pushup? No.

[bisluthq]

Dude your experience with men sounds eerily similar to mine... like so I’ve only been with one guy (and no girls yet but I desperately want a gf 😩) but when I was with him like I lovedddd kissing and grinding (but only against his leg tbh not his dick lol), when he’d play with my tits, that kinda thing but I loathed giving him handjobs so bad. It was so... boring...

We never had p/v sex or did oral stuff bc that freaked me the fuck out. I have issues with sex from like my Catholic upbringing as it is and just I was not ready anyway which is super valid. Like stick to your guns with that, even if it is a repressed sexuality religious reason... don’t do anything unless you’re comfortable because you will regret it as I learned. You need to get over it before you start trying to do sex stuff. But that was my other issue with him is he was super manipulative like lol virgin college dudes are so desperate I’m sorry... it’s kinda gross, like he’d be like ‘you have to see a dick sometime just let me pull down my pants’ ??? After like two weeks of dating too. And when I wouldn’t... bring him to completion... he used to go to the fucking college dorm bathroom, leave me alone in his bed, and take care of himself there??? Just so he wouldn’t get blue balls??? And I stayed with him??? This is why we get a self esteem ladies.

But yeah he was also like severely addicted to porn I think? And he had a specific way of getting himself off and he kept trying to teach me how to do it and I was just like... 🤮 and I almost fell asleep ngl. It truly is so fucking boring tho. And I never really learned how to do it the exact way he liked which like lol whatever, he never got me off either so haha. I genuinely think he would’ve just preferred if he did it himself lol

But yeah I see why you’re confused bc while I would never let my ex touch me again lol I WOULD let Harry do whatever he wanted to me (and other men too like I definitely have somewhat of an attraction to men) but I just am not interested in touching or sucking their dicks (well maybe Harry... Jfc I don’t know what it is about him I would sell my soul. What is he so hot for though?). So am I bi??? I think yes?? But idk how many straight/bi men would be fine with being with me if it means they’re not getting a blowjob lol

But yeah I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone and holy fuck it just is so confusing!

No I know I’m not alone lol that’s why I’m sharing it. But also bro that dude just sounds shit. Like idk I am bad at pleasuring them but I have ~standards for men and thanks to my first boyfriend (legend, icon, king if we’re honest) I have like extremely high standards?

The issue was me.

I would let Harry, Timmy, S5 DW Matt Smith (or Broadway American Psycho era), and now Josh O’Connor fucking do anything they want. And like obvi I’d fuck KJ if he were keen but I’d laugh at him the whole time because he’s just too good looking.

[kitkasimba]

5 Things tag

Okay, so I was tagged by @jmplel to tell y’all things about myself in a sequence of 5s. Warning, this is gonna get real long, and I’m going to make it a “read more” thing. So, if you’re really want to know more... PREPARE YOURSELVES. Also, thanks friend! ♥♥♥

5 things you’ll find in my bag:

1. Wallet because it is the holder of my (lack of) money & multitudes of Dutch Bros cards.

2. Important and sentimental notes from my best guy friend, best gal friend, my uncle, and my roommate from my freshman year. These letters are some of the most important things I possess, and they’re all from different parts of my life.  My best guy friend gave me this letter when we first started dating freshman year of high school and I have it because there are a few sentences in it that still hold true of our unbreakable friendship. My best gal friend gave me this letter when I was surprise visited by her 2 summers ago at the San Francisco airport. It was my birthday and every other holiday in the year letter/card and everytime I read it I cannot help but cry because the bond we have is truly remarkable. She’s my best friend, wife, and sister. My uncle gave me this letter when I moved into my resident hall my freshman year of college. He placed it in my rolled up memory foam in a package that was wrapped in half-naked men paper. The “gift” he bestowed upon me was condoms (that I ended up distributing to my friends), but his note was congratulating me on my accomplishments and how proud he is of everything I’ve done. I cry everytime I read that letter too. My roommate from freshman year of college gave me this letter when we were moving out. We were close, but not as close as we could have or wished we could have been. She was the best roommate I could ever hope and ask for though. We were so alike and still keep in touch today, and I keep it because it was the first time living “on my own” with another person. 

3. Well that last one was hella long... sorrynotsorry. I also keep prescription sunglasses (that need updating) because I, too, like seeing in the sunlight. Also, they make everything look like an instagram filter and that is what I truly live for tbh.

4. Allergy pills because I am kind of, sort of, maybe allergic to pet dander... and I have a cat at home-home and living with me in my apartment. Good move Ashley. I also just have terrible allergy attacks from the sun and pollen. Life is great.

5. Chapstick because my lips be hella chapped all the time.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom:

1. POSTERS GALORE. I don’t like having too much empty space on my walls, so I cover them with posters, flags, cards, pictures, art, etc.

2. A really high (and hella comfy) queen bed with 3-4 blankets and 7-9 pillows (3 are pillow pets and 2 are body pillows). I sleep on a cloud. This is my first time having a bed to call my own that is not a twin.

3. LOTS of clothes (and flannel). I like having options!!

4. Pictures and pictures of my friends and family. Not entirely recent pictures, but people who are important in my life and deserve to be recognized and seen.

5. White Christmas lights that are above my bed and window. They help me wind down at night and they relax me whenever I am feeling too much of anything. Just seeing them makes me feel better. 

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in life:

1. I’ve always wanted to own a Corgi, and someday I will. I walk my past supervisor’s corgi almost every week and it never fails to make me smile. I cannot wait to have a corgi to call my own who I will spend time with and share a home with. It’s one of the only thoughts that actually makes excited for the future (at the moment).

2. Cut my hair short. I’ve been mulling over this for months now and I just cannot bring myself to get it all cut off. Like, I’m talking somewhat of a pixie cut but with a lil more length. Sounds ridiculous, but I’ll explain later why it’s challenging for me. 

3. Come out to everyone... not just people I have carefully selected, especially in my family. I’m pretty much completely out at school (I mean, with my job it’s kind of hard not to be & I have no fear of being out at school). At home, though, I’m out to immediate family except my grandma and dad. I really want to come out to my dad and I was so to doing so towards the end of the year because at the time I had a partner who got involved. However, things didn’t work out and I ended up not doing it... but someday I’ll get that chance--hopefully.

4. Travel to London and Australia. I don’t know why, but I have always had some sort of inclination to go see those two places. It’s probably those red telephone booths and those wombats... But, I would love to see them for myself.

5. Roadtrip around the PNW (or just Oregon, and maybe Washington). I really want to visit Crater Lake again and learn more places about Oregon! It’s a beautiful place and I feel like I have been confined to parts of it and don’t know a whole lot more about its other regions. Oh, and also learn an instrument while on this roadtrip (now I’m just bending the rules and throwing that in there). But I think I’m instrumentally challenged... or just don’t have the ability.

5 things I’m currently into:

1. Tattoos. I am suffering from serious tattoo fever and I just want to get one after the other. I’m trying to wait out until my next one in the summer, but I don’t know... I am really interested in getting a small one on the side of my lower right arm.

2. Reading. During the summer and up until now, I’ve been very invested in the Harry Potter series because it has been my goal for the past couple years to read them. I’m on the final book and I just want to finish the series but I’m finding it really hard to make time to read them with other things I need to do and a part of me doesn’t want them to end. I know I missed the train on these in childhood, but they’re so amazing, and it’s hard to believe that I just got around to reading them. (The length of books and series intimidates me, especially when they’re 400+ pages. Mostly because I’m a slow reader).

3. Working out. I made it a goal of mine to go to the gym 2-3 times a week this term (and year) because I’m paying for the gym at my university and also because I want to channel my extra energy and emotions in a constructive way. Also I just want to try to take care of my body more. (I’m hella sore rn).

4. MOANA. That movie is absolutely beautiful and I cannot get over how amazing it was. It’s in my top 4 favorite Disney movies right now, and I love the music from it. (Lin Manuel-Miranda is a phenomenal human being).

5. TV shows. I’ve been watching more TV shows than I usually have. Like I used to watch shows here and there, but now I’m like “Okay, we finished one show. What’s next?” I just haven’t been invested in them as much before? Or maybe because I’ve gotten older I am able to understand and appreciate some shows more? Currently I’m watching Jane the Virgin S3. I just finished watching A Series of Unfortunate Events... all in one evening. Good job Ashley.

5 things on my to-do list:

1. Do the reading for the one class I had this past week. It’s nothing too much but it’s tedious and I lack the motivation to do it.

2. Finish drafting the email for the people I work with and to make the poster for that other program I have in about a week. 

3. Respond to emails for social activities... I love emails, but sometimes I just do not want to Adult. 

4. Get prepared for Drag Show auditions next weekend!!! AAAHHH I AM SO EXCITED!!

5. Make a list of food to buy within the next 2 weeks. I miss not paying for these things.

5 things people may not know about me:

(Some of you may know these, and sorry. I can be pretty open, so I’ll do what I can).

1. You know how I mentioned I want to cut off my hair but won’t? Well, one of the things I use to mask my (many) insecurities is my hair. Therefore, if my hair turns out not lookin’ so good I am going to feel extremely vulnerable... then again, that may not be a bad thing?

2. I’m in the process of trying to see a counselor. This has been something fairly new because I’ve never seen a licensed counselor. I’ve done volunteer counseling for grad students obtaining their degrees, but never with someone who already has their degree and is out of school. I’m really nervous because opening up to people about things in my past is extremely difficult for me due to self issues. However, this will be extremely beneficial for me because there are some things I need to work out personally and trauma related. 

3. I’ve had pretty short lived relationships... My first relationship (freshman year of high school) was 2 weeks and 4 days (longest). My second relationship (sophomore year of high school) was 2 days. My third relationship (fifth year in college - recently) was 2 weeks and 2 days. I have a feeling the number 2 is not a number in my favor?

4. I have a deep passion for photography and hope to incorporate it more into my life when I don’t have to worry about school all the time. I miss being behind a lens. 

5. While I have accepted the quote “your eyebrows are sisters, not twins,” my left eyebrow is a lil wonky because it has nerve damage. When I was younger, my cousin and I were doing something in the yard and he threw a wooden brick at me and it ended up hitting my left eyebrow. So, my left eyebrow goes flat when I smile too hard. It’s one of my biggest insecurities when people take my picture, but I have learned to accept it (that and my bangs kind of hide it). Its ability to arch is not too great, but she does her best. 

If you read all of this, I’m hella impressed. I’m not too interesting of a person, but something kept you going til the end and I thank you very much for sticking by. 

I’ll tag @sass-and-chocolate, @darth-pope, @latenitetacos, and @kitkatkat18.

Y’all totally don’t have to do this (it’s real long, I know), but I’d love to see your responses if you do. Again, thanks for the tag, Katie! ♥

[jammixes-blog]

Regrets Are 4 Fools

Why regret anything if you can not regret it? Regret is the lazy justification of not having done something that could have been done. Regrets bare unhappiness, for a lot of people. And, that affects more wpeople. Until, it poisons the whole world, paralyzed by...regret, i.e having done jack shit, when it was time to do something, letting tiny poo bags form monstruous pyramids. Are crab claws soft and comfortable? Tenecious to a fault, thorough, drilling ahead, 1 baby step, after 1 baby step. You know what i mean? Period. Thanks to Tumblr, i'm having fun. I should say thanks to the younger i needed to help me out. We balance each other out, i have the tolerance of age and experience, he has the maturity and responsibility i don't have. It's a misconception that young ones are less responsible, i believe in the opposite, i always relief on kids, if i don't have any, to Reason me properly. Hence, i have a few nieces, Amayayus and Puce, and four nephews, Nadimus, Kamalus, Raf, and mini JAM. I love the 6 of them eqqually. Amayayus is the Super Genius, she put me on my ass, alone, when she'll be 8, she'll already be able to put to shame most "psychologists", i ll make sure of that. Puce, by definition is my mini Big Dog, her new refusal to be fucked around by me, making her climb my chest, is a sign of good judgement and independance. I should respect what she enjoys. Nadimus is my mini best friend ever, Kamalus the mini-me, Raf and mini JAM, pieces of who i am. These are the costodians of my legacy. The best of my stolen paintings were meant for Megéve, as a surprise and deserved gift, in part for my eldest niece and nephews. Thank you, Virgin Atlantic, why did i spend hundreds, in excess luggage, for these paintings? I've tried for hours to get them back. Either Sir Bronson bought them, which is super kool, or, he owes me... in both cases, he'll do the right thing, if aware, i have no doubt, i discovered lately that he is a Good Genius. If human kindness was overflowing, as UB40 dubs on "Signing Off", then, every human being would be on Cloud 9... +2. The "other" completing the "self"... that's what "I" really means, a reconciled human being, body, mind, and soul, both input and output opened up. Something the 3rd eye can perceive, sometimes. And, yes? I believe in the third eye, essential part of potent forms of Meditation. Like waking up the Kundalini, through breathing, or focus on colours, representing chakras. I haven't mastered the delivery of words and musical ratios as well as my visual art. It's a wilder, more free form of Genius Manifestation. I have nothing to do with it, not as much as you, but i enjoy it. A recognized Genius, when Good, tries to live up to the honour. How is a Genius recognized? The second Genius, even under debate, is mentioned or considered next to her/his name. Geniuses never go under the radar. They disturb people by shaking their lethargy or create a paradigm change. In both cases, dead or alive, their legacy leaves a deep imprint in Humankind's perception. I owe Jim Morrisson, a Good Genius, the awareness of Blake's Doors of Perception. I knew more about Blake and his Taro(t) deck, though, than about the Doors singer. The rest of the band was Genius too, like Jimi Hendrix's EXP, or Eric Burdon's Animals or War. The latter is a riot, his cover of "Paint It Black", with War, not only reminds me of my early 20's trippy years with Gorka, Lolo? Supa Masse, and Chris "Drum****", sorry, "Woolfy", my contemporary hero in percussions, prove me wrong on 1 of my big bros. Don't underestimate the lil bro, though, he'll kick you in the nuts for dissing one of his big bros. Woolfy is a Genius Drummer. Period. Anyways, we make each other digress, be fair, you like the details, this cover is kick-ass. I can't hear it without wanting to play to it, like Moby Dick, for my ego to be humbled. Eric Burdon is a specimen, the Animals are unique and a huge influence. I suspect that they opened the doors of the Doors, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Cream, and The White (not in a racist context) Stripes. All of them Genius Bands, bypassing the orthodox Beatles formation. Oh yeah, the Beatles were Geniuses, explorers, adventurers, but also created Metrics and formulas for all musical bands. No joke, Ringo's drum patterns and stick handling affected us more than we realize. You recognize a Master Genius when he is not scared to let others sit behind his drums. Paul and John realized that, George, Ringo's little bro, knew all along, you can't fuck with RS, he is unique, brilliant, and irrepleceable to perform The Beatles' Magic & Magik (John's input, after a Good Time at an O.T.O temple, in NYC. I"m not a Knight Genius, for nothing. I'm willing to bet 1 of my precious Rupees, from 1974, on it. I can almost see it? It's spooly that way, for a lot of you. But, then, we all realize that i lived in NYC, at 24 and 25, after graduating from an MFA? In San Francisco. Light makes the Truth clear. Those in the dark can only speculate, subjectively. As a midfle finger rule, if you can't prove it's false, remain quiet.