#i am starting the episode and i have to put my expectations extremely low

[silentreigns]

I wished I saved the post but whoever said that the Alpine episode would be titled "Civil War" ate that up

[absolutebl]

Recommendation for something to watch and complete on a off day? I am also off today. Something soft and full of love preferably....

10 Soft BL's to Binge In A Day

(Since I don't sleep and watch high speed I binge full length Thai BL but I'm assuming you want something shorter than that, so I've limited myself to a 5hr runtime.)

1. Semantic Error (Korea Viki) - Sexy older boy discovers pouty younger boy has outed him as a slacker, starts out bullying him, accidentally falls madly in love. Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks by doing a university BL with everything we expect from BL just done exactly right. Korea's signature quality executed perfectly with added bonus good story, great pacing, stunning visuals, and fantastic chemistry. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL. Full review.

2. Seven Days (Japan grey in 2 parts Seven Days: Monday - Thursday, Seven Days: Friday - Sunday) - one of the best live action yaoi mangas ever made. The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat, there’s still more kisses than Cherry Magic. Popular first year Seiryo has a policy of going out with any girl who asks… for one week. On a lark, third year Yuzuru tests to see if that policy also applies to boys. Seiryo agrees that it does. Along the way they accidentally fall in love. All the angst is just teen confusion. 

3. Our Dating Sim (Korea Viki) - I enjoyed every aspect from the casting to the very simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s very low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story. Do we call this cozy BL? Why not? This one is going to live in my rewatch pile, I can tell already, and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent. It perfectly suited KBL’s short-length tendencies. Full review.

4. Light On Me (Korea Viki - Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. LoM strategically tailors classic BL tropes to 2 different semes resulting in pristine pacing, plot, and character development, explicitly serving narrative (not just to tick boxes). LoM is a master class in this trope drops. (If you write fanfic or romance you should study this show.) Full review.

5. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan Gaga & Viki) - I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show. Reserved cool kid who must learn to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charming: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning. Was there plot? Not really. Was it emotionally tense and paced well enough for me not to notice? Absolutely. Did I enjoy the hell out of it? Oh yes. Full review.

6. HIStory 2: Crossing the Line (Taiwan Viki) - super low stakes sweetest story of the bad boy who falls hard for the senior on the volleyball team and then works to earn his love. You know it’s Taiwan so the kisses are great but in this case it also ends well. Only trigger is that the side couple is the stepbrothers trope, and some don’t like that.

7. Cherry Magic (Japan indie subbed) AKA Doutei dato Mahoutsukai ni narerurashii - the sweetest, fluffiest, most charming bit of adorable ever, full of found family and pastry and serious slapstick, the characters are utterly bonkers, but cute about it. 

8. Wish You (Korea Netflix or Viki, you want the movie version) AKA WISH YOU: Your Melody in My Heart - low stakes high pining romance about a pianist who falls in love with a busker who is on his way to being the next big idol. 

9. Restart After Come Back Home (Japan indie subbed or Gaga?) - this one is perfect if you just want a beautiful loving movie, and one that is well filmed and complex enough to appeal to those who don’t normally watch BL or romance (if you have a reluctant partner). 

10. You Are Ma Boy (Vietnam YouTube) - is there angst? Nope even what could have been angst (a gay idol) doesn’t materialize, it’s just cuties in a cafe confusing each other with cat & mouse games. The side het couple is a touch disturbing, tho. 

Also Old Fashioned Cupcake, it's a bit more complicated than soft but a FANTASTIC binge watch.

(list updated May 2023, not responsible for ones that come after that date)

[ametrictonofaudacity]

Yay matchups! So hello I hope you’re doing alright and feel free to take your time on this one :)

So my name is Lune, and please make sure it’s platonic. I’m aroace and agender, I’m 17 turning 18 (in a few weeks actually I’m pretty excited), I enjoy skating gaming drawing and playing piano (I’m trying to learn guitar). I should definitely mention that I’m autistic and have adhd, although you aren’t expected to do too much research for me, just keep in mind when going out or when I’m with too many people I end up being difficult, this also means I’m a little picky with the clothes I buy as the food I eat. As for my personality it really depends on the atmosphere and how long I’ve known someone but naturally when we just meet I’m extremely awkward, I don’t go out of my way to greet or talk to people, I usually hide or talk to anyone else in the room, plus I might find an excuse to leave early because of how low my social battery is. When I’m a little closer I’ll start being physically affectionate, of course if the friend allows it, not too much though, but it’ll still be noticeable. Speaking about physical affection that’s one of my main love languages, I am the type of friend to hug or kiss my friends on the forehead, if they’re comfortable of course! Additionally I tend to stim too much, I have a hard time controlling my vocal chords so I might appear like I’m yelling, and sometimes, if I’m in an extremely good mood, I’ll feel like I’m high off of happiness. I know I’m not high but it’s the best way to put it,y cheeks turn red I get all giddy and giggly, I run around the room, I like touching stuff with textures rub my face on it and spin around, it’s just pure hyperactivity. I already mentioned this but since I have a small social battery I might need a lot of space? Like me time. Otherwise things get too overwhelming and I shut down, I might cry even. Me time can vary depending on how long I’ve spent outside the house, like if I spent a few days with someone 3-4. I probably wouldn’t make any plans for another week and a few days. The last thing I feel like I should mention is im a little sensitive, I might not exactly cry but I’ll get hurt by a lot of things.

If this is important at all, which I doubt, but I’m raised in the Middle East, I speak Arabic and I did immigrate to North America.

Anyway that’s it thank you for your time

Hi!! Sorry this took me so long, I may or may not have gone into a depressive episode lmfao. Also I really like your name! Without further ado, here ya go! I am also autistic and ADHD, so we're twinning lmao

I match you with Clark Kent!

When the two of you meet, admittedly, it's a little awkward. Clark was used to being quiet, unassuming Clark Kent, and as you mentioned, you don't go out of your way to engage with new people. And Clark wouldn't want to pressure you, he can see how uncomfortable you are, and he understands that some people just didn't like strangers, simply because they were strangers.

But then the two of you keep meeting, and gradually, you start growing more comfortable around him. Part of this is due to Bruce, who he had gotten used to stealing away when the other hero got too uncomfortable in a situation, and had unintentionally taught him how to spot when someone's social battery was getting low, even if they were forcing themselves not to show it in any obvious ways. So he would guide you away with a comforting hand on your shoulder, and make quiet excuses for you, saying how he needed you to help him with this or that thing, how he was very sorry but it just couldn't wait. If you needed to be alone, in order to recharge your social battery before the next bit of interaction, he would run interference, making sure you had time to recuperate. Half the time he just sicced Jon on them, because his son would also be very fond of you and look up to you as an older sibling, even if he realizes he's your sibling before Clark realizes he's your Dad.

As for sensory issues and being a picky eater or being picky in regards to clothes, Clark has so much experience in this you have no idea. Even if his own children didn't struggle with textures, which they do with both Conner and Jon being ADHD which they inherited from him, he struggled a lot with textures as a kid himself. Granted, part of it was due to super senses overwhelming him before he had gotten his invulnerability, but still. Sensory overload is hell, and he is aware of it. He goes out of his way to try and memorize what textures you enjoy, and which ones you don't like.

I think the first time he realizes how fond he is of you, and that you are absolutely his kid, is the first time you openly show excitement and enthusiasm in front of him. I could see Conner teaching you guitar, or maybe the two of you playing together with you playing the piano while Conner plays the guitar and this man is just- big feelings. Big feelings he has no idea what to do with because those are his kids and he loves them so much he thinks he might die from how strong it is.

He absolutely gets you blankets with texture you like too, and various stim toys. He may accidentally steal one, though, be warned.

I honestly see him as being the sort of person to try and learn more about where you were raised. Does this mean he will be trying to learn Arabic? Yes. Is he very good at it at first? No. Does he have a best friend who's son is more than willing to insult him if it meant he got better at speaking Arabic? Yes, even if Damian could afford to be a little less mean about it.

Another good thing is that Clark is pretty much the ideal for if you feel you cry or get upset easy. He's able to actually communicate his emotions, unlike some (*cough* Batman *cough*) and he knows how to make himself seem less intimidating.

All in all, cool dad. Even as a platonic yandere, he would be pretty chill, although there's more kidnapping involved

[martinys-world]

The girl 9

Sorry for the late update. I have not proofread it. If you want to be tag please comment so that I can start taking people in it.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)

______________________________________________________________

When someone is in trouble a beam of some sort goes off. Like a beam for the key earlier. Sometimes it a little blue orb. Sometimes it’s a bright line on the ground. The leads the way. It’s completely random. Like it can be line then orb then line, it could be beam then line then orb. Once it was line 6 times then went to beam and orb again. They were all different scenarios. But one thing they have in common is that something need my help.

When any of my charms break it “shows” me a path to the one in need. Only i can see. K said he can see it sometimes but i also hang out with him a lot. Some my magic might run on him. When i told him about it. His reaction was “ like that episode of fairly odd parentswith the substitute Mrs. Sunshine.” When he say my confused face he said never mind. I was like okay.

After that ramble. I should get back on topic. The charm broke and now it is showing me an orb and it toke me to the roof top and leading me to the park i think. Maybe Central Park I don’t know, let alone care. Right now I was trying to focus on not falling or tripping. The orb leaded me to an opening and stop moving like a movie put on pause.

“ what am i here for?”

I heard a sound whine sound. Who ever it was EXTREMELY upset. It was coming from inside the park. Looking at the orb confuse. It went up and down as like it trying to say yes, or that what you are here for. Looking away from the glowing light.

“ i wish you can talk so it not just a guessing game.”

What I didn’t know was the orbs was shaking as if it was laughing. It kept laughing until it faded away into nothing. One thing I learned was expect the in expected, or it pointless to play what is it or what has happen. I try not to guess, but sometimes it’s hard not to guess. Sometimes i think it’s an abuse story or a child gets extreme lost. A drunk man getting robbed. I would never guess this. Not for a thousand years.

The scene smell like blood and tears. Seeing the yellow raincoat. I knew it was buster but his coat was duller and there was another color on it. The color red. That was not a good sign. The red was not just on him it was sprawled on the side walk. Somehow it gotten on the black lamp post. He was hugging something against his chest. Clinging to it for dear life. It wasn’t an object it was a being. I saw the brown and white colors. Oh no.

Buster was holding Altan for dear life. Altan was bleeding. “What happen?”

“Those pricks.”.

The pricks he talking bout a bunch of people that don’t like what they call the low life’s. The ones that don’t have homes or jobs. The ones where they pretend that nothing will be wrong. The ones that thinking engorging the problems will make it go away. Stuff doesn’t go away. People don’t go away. The worst part is that most of them are teenagers that are influenced by there parents. These teenagers are troublemakers. The adults are to busy working that they cant do the shenanigans themselves. So they let there kids do the trouble for them. There little stunts have been nothing but words, never any indication of violence. I would never expected this from anyone let alone someone just learning how to drive a car.

What hurt the most was I couldn’t do anything. I was no vet and there was no way he was going to live long enough to get to one. My extra equipment was left at Noah because i was in a rush here. Even if i run at full speed there and back. She lost to much blood to survive. No one likes to say the truth, but it was loud and clear.

Feeling hopeless and no solution in site. I kneel next to buster. I petted the injured one. Buster didn’t jump. He just let me be. The sound of sobs and hingeing in my ear was deafening. Trying so hard not to feel useless, i rub Altan head and told her she a good girl.

“Let my power shine make the clock reverse. Bring back what once was ours. Heal what has been hurt, change the fates design. Save what has been lost bring back what was ours. What was ours.

While saying/singing those words. My hand began to glow. Like it did with spelling but it wasn’t green like last time it was yellow. Yellow and bright. My body and mine were apart. I didn’t realize I was doing anything. The last thing I remember doing myself was rubbing Altan head. Tell how good she is. Then she began to kiss me. I was confused. What happen? Did i do that and it’s thing that k says i do. I zoned out the situation because it was too much for me.

Like always i had no time to think. I felt relief when i knew she was okay. I didn’t care that i didn’t know, what happens or how she was suddenly able to walk around. I was definitely crying my heart out. That feeling whatever it was, cut short. Buster was feeling more than happiness.

"What are you? How did you do that? "

I forgot buster was there. Why dose he look scared?

“What are you? "

He was backing up get away from me. The scene felt like a human and a predator. He was the human and i am the predator. But that was not the scene. if anything i am kitten getting yelled by his owner. Him being scared was scaring me.

"Buster. I am sli-" i began to say.

"What was that light. What else can you do. Can you control minds like you do bodies. Did you mess with my dog."

He was doing a defense mode. He was turning into a predator. He was ready to attack me. Altan was whining. She didn’t want us to fight. Trying to show use she okay. Like it would stop the fighting.

“Buster let’s clam down an-“

" don’t tell me to clam down. You did something that….. did something. go away. I never want to see you again."

The one word i would never use with Buster scared or afraid. In that moment i was terrified. This was not the buster i knew. This isn’t the Buster that always had a smile. The one i shared my money and food with because he was nice to everyone else’s besides me. This was not the Buster i platonically love. This has to be a dream right. When i close my eyes. I was going to wake up on the Diaz’s couch or in the back of Reek’s car. Just like i did this morning.

Buster held something in his hand. I could not tell you what it was, only that it was aimed at my head. I turn and was running my feet to the ground trying to get a move on. My hands landed on… water? Realizing my surrounding. Water was everywhere. My body was soaked, when did it start raining. When i gotten up i heard a clunk form next to me. I didn’t want to look behind me. Still believeing this was some type of dream but body didn’t have the same belief, began to run. To where I don’t know. I was too busy feeling scared and what ever else i felt.

At some point i began jogging and finally began to feel the cold. I couldn’t read the street signs because of how dark, plus with the rain everything became blurry. My backpack was at Noah’s place. That also met my phone was there. No contact with K. I felt lost and vulnerable for the first time in years. The unknow was scaring me. What could i do?

While my tears were blending in with the rain. I didn’t hear the noise behind me. I saw the light reflecting off the water before i noticed the noise. The light disappear. Then a car was next to me. I saw the sliver coat before the door open. I realized that no one was inside.

“ i would get in before you turn into water.”

Mirage. How did he even find me. I walk to the door and hop in. I was ready for tonight to be over.

When the door was close, the car began to move. We were probably going to Noah’s place again. I went to fetal position, it just felt right to hug my knees to my chest. I felt so much that i couldn’t comprehend. Did i lose buster. How am i a monster. Did i save Altan? There was so much that happen and I couldn’t make a sense of it.

"Want to talk about it?"

Shaking my head no, my eyes went to look out the window. It may have been blurred from the rain but it was better than my head. Nothing was said for the rest of that night. We both were driving down the cold empty streets. I couldn’t began to explain how i was feeling, but the streets represent part of my emotions.

Meanwhile

the only sound that was heard in the quiet night was a Nokia phone. It buzz against the couch, until someone pick up the said phone. when the button clicked was when they began to hear other voices.

“Sliver please explain, why you are jump on roof at this late at night."

" I would like to figure that out."

k eye turn into shock when, it was not the person he thought he would hear.

" Who are you?"

" My name in Noah?"

" Let me guess she left her whole bag at your place. then ran off randomly?"

" yep."

" Did her bracelet snap or was it something else?"

"bracelet, how did you know?"

" Not the first time, someone need her."

while moving the speaker part of the phone away from his mouth. k began to walk up some stairs.

"hey t and v. I know that you are getting off but let the next shift know that 1. I want camera on sliver, until I say other wise. 2. seen the live feed to the office?"

While multiple confirmations where said. K open the glass door to the room above all the computers. the sound of button being press. Papers being shuffle. the click of computer mouse. were muffle as soon as the door closed.

" Can you please explain what going on with silver?"

k put the phone on speaker while he sat down.

" I can't say anything, I am sorry."

"why not?"

" rule is sliver has to tell you."

"why not you, mr?"

" because you are part of sliver world. I would gladly tell you if i meant you but when star goes on these adventures, I can't jump in."

" why is that?"

" because she will go completely AWOL. she will not contact me at all. so I will have to do this massive hunt for her. It just simpler this way."

" what?"

" something happen her and she need to walk away for a bit."

" that how she in New York?"

" yea. the only way I was going to let her go bye herself, is that she keeps contact every 3- days unless other wise."

" you sound like a parent."

K was chuckle. " I guess somedays."

" how and when will she tell me."

" when she trust you."

there was nothing else said. K knew what he wanted to say, because K was there at one point in his life.

" I guessing she left her bag there?"

" yes. it's actually next to me."

" it won't be long now."

" what do you mean?"

" how st- I mean sliver works is that. she always have her bags on her. they are a life line in fact. leaving them there means she trust you enough to leave them."

K look at the screen. to see that sliver ran into the park. going back and relaxing again he focus his Conversation with Noah.

" what do you mean life line.

" well if she docent have her phone or not answer me. I would kill her. no, if, and, or, buts."

" you do sound scary."

K snorted at the comment. " sure lets okay with that." looking at the computer K notice a light in the little group. it was a sign that he was going to have a lot of cleanup to do. it was also as sign to cut his conversation.

" Look Noah, I have to go. Someone need my help here."

" this might sound crazy but this helps a lot."

" I know it will always feel like she docent trust you or that there something she doing but won't say, but look at the little things. she leave her bag with you. She is probably sleeping there. it won't be lone until she says something."

"okay"

That simple okay was sort of was a nod, that they understood each other. that Noah couldn't ask anymore question even thought he wanted to. K couldn't tell him, even if he wanted to. The phone ended on an understanding that they both have to do some waiting.

when k knew the call was ended. he pull open the draws next to him. he need to do something real quick before he forgot. he pulled out a stack of files. he saw that reek was the first file. he put it to the side. saw what said kris Diaz and Brenna Diaz. h tossed those with reek. he found what he was looking for. he grab a sticky note and put under Noah face's.

a good one. sliver trust? look into?

Closing the file. he put the family together pushing the files to the side. There was one underneath. It was someone wearing a yellow rain coat. he looked back at camera and notice the same raincoat.

" looks like I will add notes to you also."

holding buster file he got up and went to the door.

" sliver what did you do now?"

@lainekyuu @apexprime

[morimakesfanart]

will there be any angst in Sindria's Prophet

Yes, but it most likely won't/hasn't been coming from the place you're expecting. Without giving anything away, Mori has cried multiple times already, and there are growing tensions that will get worse as the story progresses.

Stuff about living with PTSD and low detail spoilers under the cut

Since I'm someone who grew up in an unsafe environment, the fact that things have been going well for so long is frightening for Mori. I have written multiple moments of Mori reassuring themself and repeating to themself what is actually happening because of this. I have also had multiple scenes and references to Mori meditating. These are all moments of them actively grounding to control their anxiety. They don't feel safe most of the time, but that is normal for them, they are aware of it, and they know how to calm themself down when they need to. They have been doing their best to hide it, including managing other characters' feelings, but as they get closer to others they will start slipping up. Things going well feels like the calm before the storm, and if a storm doesn't come eventually Mori will make one happen so they can have a feeling of control in their expected pattern. It isn't a conscious choice. That is what living with cptsd is like. Them crying in front of Ja'far was one instance of this -the next is coming up soon- and as Mori gets closer to everyone and things keep being safe and easy, the out bursts will get bigger until they are actually able to accept the peace as the expected.

However, if your question is "will anything traumatic happen on screen in the story?" then my answer is: I'm not sure. Since one of my biggest goals for this story is learning to feel comfortable with feeling safe, I probably won't have any new truama's happen until after this one is mostly resolved. It would act as proof that Mori does trust the others enough to truly feel safe around them as a baseline. Basically: thinking of others for their help when afraid instead of trying to figure things out along.

This is something Sinbad will also be working through in Sindria's Prophet. He is over coming a god complex and illusions of grandeur. With all big personality changes even when he decides to change it will take time for him to stop dirtying his hands because that's the habit and skill he's been practicing for the past 15 years. That will definitely cause tension as time goes on, and there are a few moments I have planned that will definitely be more angsty.

---

On a more personal note:

I don't just have C&A PTSD, I went through therapy for them so I have the skills to talk myself down so I don't end up having an episode in public or around people I don't trust. In order to survive my childhood, I became extremely good at compartmentalizing my emotions, so I don't feel if I can't handle it. I also grew up in theater and being forced into events where I had to learn how to be pleasing to others looking at me. This made it hard for others to notice when I actually had a problem. Even at my baseline it is always there in the background waiting for a moment of weakness or absent mindedness to take over. This fic is me putting myself in an environment where I am not just safe, but can rely on multiple people to actually help me when I need it. As I continue to recover, I am wearing my heart on my sleeve more and more, and that is also freightening. I keep expecting to be hurt for having feelings other than "happy", and when that doesn't happen I'm not sure what to do with myself. Those fears are going to come out more and more, the more Mori bonds with the others.

[clatterbane]

Hallelujah, they managed NOT to comprehensively fuck up my blood sugar again at that full anesthesia gastroscopy session today!

The dotted line section was when I was in the OR and recovery, with the sensor well out of Bluetooth range of my phone. They decided to put me on some glucose again in the IV because somebody thought it was running too low (?). Because hospitals. It was at a decent fasting level, and the chance of it not staying fairly stable during the short procedure was vanishingly low. From past experience.

But, at least I was not dealing with that same dangerously misinformed anesthesiologist, and they actually showed a little sense with it this time. My blood sugar stayed in range, and they didn't leave the glucose drip going for that long. The long-acting background insulin in my system was evidently enough to bring that shit back down after they stopped it. Also, nobody came at me today with random doses of long-acting insulin "to keep me from going hypoglycemic".

Kind of a low bar, but I was honestly pretty concerned after last month's shitshow.

Oh yes, and I also managed to avoid any asthma episodes from the inevitable tracheal tube irritation making me cough. Haven't been needing it otherwise for a good while now, but I preemptively started using the steroid inhaler again after that last appointment--specifically in hopes that it might calm that shit down. Which it did thankfully seem to.

Otherwise, it was more of the same. Rather pointlessly cooped up from 7:30 to around 1:30 on the outpatient surgery unit, in a funky button-up hospital nightshirt, with my troublesome-bendy autistic hyperactive-ADHD ass expected to stay put in a hospital bed other than popping to the bathroom. Which I resisted the urge to do more than a few times, just to move around and decompress a little in a private space. At least I did remember to bring a power bank along for my phone this time, because yeah you're liable to need it when that's the main distraction available over like 7 hours.

I am so done, and also still unsurprisingly pretty achy from spending so long stuck in that bed. Frequently changing positions or no. This new arrangement still really sucks ass compared to the relatively low-stress (very much including physically!) in-and-out visits straight through the endoscopy department that I was having before whoever decided to switch over to this new rigmarole.

But, the experience was still a lot less bad overall than either of the previous times I've gone through outpatient surgery. And at least everyone was acting decent. (Which seems to be the norm at that hospital so far.) Which is certainly worth something. I am also relieved to be able to eat better again once the sore throat calms down some, since it did decide to tighten up again enough to cause problems.

I am still extremely glad to have that done and over with for another month, however.

[thenighttcat]

Tuesday not-so-blues

It's easy to get depressed on Tuesday. The fortitude which you were determined to show at the start of the week has already been entirely dismantled by Monday, and looking forward to the weekend will only result in greater despair because you haven't even made it past Wednesday

I hope you can see why it's easy to get depressed on Tuesday.

But today it is different. I am on leave. Do you know how amazing it is to be on leave? There is an annoying voice at the back of my brain that tells me that I should probably still check my email, but I am steadily honing the skill of ignoring it and reducing it to a low hum. After all, I'm really not an important figure at the workplace, and no one ever died because the paperwork wasn't done (actually now that I think about it, probably a lot of people died because some forms weren't filled, but metaphorically speaking, the death toll from paper-pushing is definitely way higher).

The bad thing about being on leave is that without a plan you just end up whiling away the time on the Internet doing random shit. But hey, that's the pastime of every twenty-first century creature right? Nothing wrong with joining in on the international pastime.

In other news, I'm trying to be more creative with my cooking. Don't be restricted by recipes and meal-planning, my left brain says, don't be a little uptight bitch. Gotta be more...freewheeling. So I go to the kitchen, grab whatever ingredients there are at hand, and put something together. The problem with such an approach is the extremely high rate of failure, as well as the existential dread of realising that you have no idea what you are doing when you decide to blast a pack of coconut cream into frozen ravioli that was produced in 2020 and expired nearly a year ago. It occurs to me that the ravioli, sitting all this while in a little dank corner of the freezer, has managed to successfully outlast the COVID restrictions. Damn.

As expected, the outcome of my cooking experiment ended in a disaster, but it was a good thing that I had a good episode of ATLA to distract me from whatever shit I was shoveling into my mouth.

[theseerasures]

RWBY V08C14 reaction post

haven’t done something like this for this fandom yet, but the finale was so much all at once that i could not muster any level of critical thinking the first go-around. my thoughts have...settled somewhat with a second rewatch. still nothing conclusive (obviously), but at least coherent enough to be written down.

in rough chronological order:

i am very into it, of course, but i’m still not quite sure what to make of the fact that this finale very explicitly pivots around Winter Schnee, to the extent that the episode (sans prologue and coda) are bookended by her. she begins the episode charging into a fight, and ends it the same way. even putting aside that her in-universe presence has increased by magnitudes, that we end a season where she has mostly been a sparse supporting player with THIS has implications i can’t suss out for her narrative role going forward.

going into the finale i thought that Ironwood vs. Winter would turn out to be another RWBY Flagship Fight (ie long and flashy and indulgent in the best ways), but i pretty much knew that wouldn’t be the case once the fight began in earnest and they immediately started talking to each other.

for what we did get i’m happy to say that the Core Dynamic of the fight was exactly what i predicted: Winter rushing in to melee and not giving Ironwood enough time to fire, Ironwood trying to make room by shoving her away and using his cannon as a makeshift club--even down to breaking the cannon formation BACK to dual wielding to give himself an edge.

i will say that for Winter to have blocked him head-on--this is James Ironwood, who once stopped an Alpha Beowolf cold with one bionic hand, and now he’s got TWO--with her broken noodle arms is...incredibly cool. stupid! but cool.

Ironwood doing the double pistol whip while screaming about how no one is grateful has i wouldn’t have to be doing this if you just behaved all over it.

in retrospect i’m not sure why i expected a RWBY Flagship Fight when just about every fight this season has been extremely different. the camera work is always fucking frantic, we’re often cross-cutting between different simultaneous fights, and there are far fewer shots where both combatants are clearly shown and evenly matched. about the only fight we’ve had resembling that is AceOps vs Penny waaaaaaay back in Strings--even the low-stakes triumphant JNPER + Winter vs. Ironwood fight in Creation was extremely short and crosscut with BRA vs. AceOps.

case in point: the showdown in Grand Central takes up pretty much the entire episode, but combatants are continuously entering and exiting, the setting’s physical dimensions feel wonky and surreal, and the fact that half of the people fighting have flight capabilities means we’re relying on wide shots and oners to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s a war now, and even though we follow only a handful of characters in it the fights carry that grander and more desperate tone.

Cinder relies twice this episode on just fucking nova-ing herself to overwhelm her Maiden opponents. it’s different from how she usually fights, which is still fireballs and conjured swords/projectiles--she’s learning to use her Maiden powers to wreak havoc on a larger scale, which a) reinforces what we already know of Cinder, but b) complements her recent relearning of subtlety and manipulation. still a tenuous balance of extremes that can and will shatter, though.

Weiss got to save everyone during the fight, and none of it mattered in the end.

the thing about priority one is that they all planned for this. they all went in planning for the contingency where they don’t make it out, where they have to watch others not make it out.

Weiss plucking Penny out of the air and Penny pleading to make the sacrifice play is an EXACT recreation of what happened in Enemy of Trust, down to the saved looking up at the savior while the savior is looking onward. she’s just swapped places with the Schnee in question, and...they are the priority targets this time, unfortunately.

Cinder smugly flipping her hair out of...her eyepatch...she really is living her best life and she knows it

Blake made the right choice, and it didn’t matter at all.

Qrow ending the last episode with a berserker charge at Harriet and then immediately pulling back here and trying to talk her down really got to me, as did him trying to block the bomb with his body. the man is so desperately trying to be better than he was, and it doesn’t take a lot anymore for him to realize the right path.

Elm and Vine--

the thing about Elm and Vine is that both their powers boil down to getting attached. so watching Elm hold Vine in place while Vine holds the two airships together, everyone in this little world, it’s...everything i could ever want, out of how the story of the AceOps would end.

Anairis Quinones for dark horse MVP. why can’t you just let me do my job, delivered in the way that it was, is the perfect encapsulation of Harriet Bree desperately trying to outrun her personal feelings and the grief it has given her.

Elm tells Harriet that she’s their friend, to stop her from killing a part of herself as she tries to kill others. it’s the first time this happens in the episode, but not the only time.

Penny saved Blake so they could save Ruby together, and it didn’t matter at all.

our heroes have GOT to stop falling for the “watch the thing flying in the air! OH WAIT I STILL HAVE A WEAPON IN MY HAND WALLOP WALLOP” trick. it happens multiple times in this one episode.

Harriet, who has the fastest Speed Semblance known, says there’s no time to make it out of the blast range. she doesn’t try to outrun it. she just...stays put, and admits that she brought them all here, to this. i’m sorry.

here’s the thing: they’re soldiers. they were prepared for this eventuality, where they don’t make it out. that’s why Elm let Vine go grab Harriet; because she thought they were all going to die, and if that happened she wanted Harriet close enough to reach.

but--just like with Team Hero--some of them do make it out. they just have to watch.

Vine and Hazel sacrificed themselves in the same way in the end: pulling their loved ones close wasn’t working, so they threw themselves around the thing trying to kill them instead.

Ruby was clever, and pragmatic, and brave. it didn’t matter in the end.

Cinder letting Neo fall as soon as she gets a chance proves that she still lacks patience, and that’s going to bite her in the ass.

the Penny-Blake fastball special and the fall; Penny crying tears for the first time, but not moving immediately to rage, as she had last episode, when Yang fell.

Weiss’ shaking hands around Gambol Shroud, crying berserker tears as she tries, desperately, to pull off another miracle. it’s another role reversal in a way: her sister’s the Riza Hawkeye, but she’s the one emptying useless clip after useless clip into an enemy she can’t kill, because her heart has been ripped in two.

the last time Nora Valkyrie saw Jaune Arc, they clasped hands, and their eyes met with determination, and hope.

it figures that a Schnee would be the last one standing, letting all her friends die first. she was right, but again: wrong Schnee.

Weiss diving past Cinder’s blind spot to slice the Grimm Arm, to save Penny--the same script, but the wrong player. and too late.

at Haven, Jaune went from trying to do harm to unlocking his Semblance, and realizing that he was meant to heal. here, he goes from trying to do what he is meant to do, what he has made peace with, to...

it will take a long time, i think, for him to learn to live with himself, even with Penny reassuring him that this is what she wants. to go from wanting to harm to being the one who does no harm, to being forced to acknowledge a person’s right to die, and carry out the deed himself. it’s a new variation on what he’s always had to wrestle with since Pyrrha’s sacrifice.

Weiss managed to outlast Cinder Fall without an Aura WITHOUT getting her entire body broken, Winter

the boundary between material worlds is made of darkness. the boundary between souls is made of light, and there is no danger of falling.

where...what is this? of course Winter doesn’t know. she never would have, even if she had gotten the powers, because she would have used the Transfer machine.

i thought of you, and here we are. that was all it took. the last time Penny saw Winter, Winter was still loyal to Ironwood. she’s only known abstractly, secondhand from Weiss, that Winter was on their side again and trying to help save Mantle, for about an hour. and yet: i thought of you.

and in the face of this thought that is love, Winter averts her eyes. tries in vain to hide her face, because she knows she is unworthy. she doesn’t deserve this.

but here’s the thing: no one deserves this. Penny. are you...the one? even Penny herself wasn’t sure.

you were my friend. the second time it happens this episode. friends save friends from themselves. friends transform what would have been murder into sacrifice.

remember what Penny said to Cinder, shortly before Cinder killed her? you wouldn’t know anything about friends. she’s right. it wasn’t Cinder’s choice, but she’s right. and now Cinder has learned how to use that.

i’ll be part of you. it is, of course, something that’s been brought up repeatedly this whole season. but it’s also what Winter said to Penny after Fria died: she’s a part of you now.

and i do love this yoking together of arc words. Winter is of course the firstborn Schnee, but Winter is, more broadly, The Firstborn in this new generation. so here we have something similar to the chain that begins with Winter letting her sisters go, through Penny letting Emerald go, through Emerald helping Oscar escape, to Atlas’ however ephemeral victory over Salem. what Winter begins--haltingly and with resentment--becomes transformed into radiant grace in the hands of her younger siblings. and she gets to be the direct benefactor this time. the prodigal daughter returns to her family.

during Enemy of Trust we watched from the outside as Oscar fell and Penny rose, as one set of eyes closed as another opened. during The Final Word, we watch from the inside: one set of eyes close. another opens.

Winter’s leitmotif plays on the piano for the first time since the previous season as she comes back to the world. it makes sense. the piano version is for her sisters, and she just left one of them.

here is the apotheosis of Winter Schnee: she gets back up. she falters and sways but she gets back up, and then she, the person who once managed to convince herself that so long as she could make peace with someone else’s choice it meant she too was choosing, tells the man who has been choosing for her for years: you chose nothing. and she rises.

in the end James Ironwood was finished by his petard thrice over. Atlas had defected against him. his greatest creation had become the Maiden and unshackled herself from him. and there is of course, the cannon: a literal petard, in the other words, which he fires at Winter, and Winter reflects back upon him.

Jaune Arc used the heirloom that his family has held for generations to kill a defenseless girl. he took the blade and sunk it in deep, because Penny trusted him and he had to be sure.

and then it shattered in his hands.

there’s something here in the second fight between Maidens, about Cinder having a named weapon and forsaking it for what she can make on the fly, and Winter insistent on using a weapon with no name at all, but i still can’t put my finger on it.

Winter never got to see Weiss try to Summon her Nevermore.

the thing that gets me about how it turns out is: Winter was winning. she’d managed to get her hands on the Staff, and even with Cinder’s immediate counterattack she managed to get the Staff away from Cinder. but then Cinder saw Jaune and Weiss, and she remembered a few days ago, when Penny saved Winter instead of going after Cinder, when Winter attacked Cinder to save Penny.

so Cinder attacks Weiss and Jaune instead of racing for the Staff. and Winter--

this is Winter Schnee. she saves people despite herself. she runs toward them, despite herself. and it has always, always been what saves her.

not anymore.

last time it had been Winter who was in mortal danger, and Weiss who, with Ruby’s help, drove Cinder off. same script, wrong player. and too late.

Weiss falls and for a moment, the camera makes it seem like Winter is falling too.

she wants to. no one deserves this.

the thing you have to ask when characters leap for the exit and fall just short is: is it about faith, or friendship? in Jaune’s case it’s both. his faith broke with Crocea Mors. and the portal is one-way, so he had no friends to grab him from the other side.

but Nora was still trying. they clasped hands. she promised.

the first time Winter sees her family--really sees them, after years of separation--she averts her eyes. she hides her face from them, because how can she tell them that Weiss is gone? how can she tell Penny’s friends that Penny is a part of her now, when Penny is just a part, now?

there are people all around her looking to her. there are voices within her. she has never been more alone.

(Winter Schnee has never met Pyrrha Nikos, and Pyrrha Nikos never became Maiden. because Pyrrha Nikos never became Maiden. Cinder Fall did that, too.)

this is what Winter Schnee thinks, as she screams and charges, as she kills Grimm faster than they are drawn in by her despair: in the fairy tales, eldest siblings never win.

i failed you again, master. master, but not queen.

Cinder won this. the heroes tried and tried and tried and none of it mattered, and she won this. but here’s the thing: Cinder won because she was LUCKY, and because she made her own luck. that she was able to pin things on Neo and Team Hero depended on things going exactly as planned, and some things going better than planned. and the reason she’d even made it that far was because she cheated, with the last use of a divine relic. it doesn’t take away her from her victory, but what i do know is this: this is her finest moment. she will never win as completely ever again, and she will fall farther than she has ever feared. (and that will save her, in the end.)

and that’s checkmate. i said that i wanted Atlas to fall the same way that Amity rose, but of course they did it like this. of course it would horrific yet unspectacular, with its General slumped in defeat, unable to fire a single shot from his gun. with the city in the sky falling onto Mantle, in Mantle’s palette. from the Dust from which it arose into Dust again.

as below, so above.

[anonymousfiction211]

Loki’s Game: 1

Summary: You are working at the Avenger compound as a ICT and security specialist. Everyone thinks you are doing a good job, but you procrastinate a lot. You lie effortlessly, or so you think. When no-one other than the God of Lies and Mischief, Loki joins the team. He quickly discovers that you are lying and decides to take advantage of that.

Word Count: 2.498 words

Warnings: No smut in this chapter, but definitely in the upcoming chapters. Overall story warning: dubious consenst, BDSM, forced orgasms, overstimulation, manipulation, angst

A/N: A multiple fic which I started on AO3 and Wattpad. Thougth maybe some of you will like it as well. Next chapters will be sunday.

The alarm of your mobile started to ring. The screen showed it was 08.10 a.m. That leaves 20 minutes to get dressed and go downstairs. Almost finished you thought while typing on your laptop. You typed like your life depended on it. With your work finally finished you put on the clothes you had laid out and quickly brushed your teeth. Why do I always do this to myself? You had a month to make a new security plan, but you started a week before the deadline. The plan wasn’t bad, but it could be more detailed. Now you had to go to Tony and Steve, explaining your not-so-detailed-plan. On top of that, you were tired. You had set an alarm in the middle of the night, just so you had something to show this morning.

How, you did not know, but you made it through your presentation. Steve was supportive. Tony and he decided you could have more time to work out the details. Luckily, the presentation was recorded. When they started to ask questions, you made up answers on the spot. You now had to implement those answers for your next deadline. So, they didn’t figure out that you lied to them. They gave you two weeks. This time, I am going to start on time! Sitting at your desk you were distracted, checking social media, and watching YouTube. Suddenly you got a call from Tony, asking you to come to the living room.

Walking inside you saw that Natasha, Clint, Steve, and Tony were all there. “How is your plan coming together?” Tony asked you. “Fine, it may even be finished before the deadline” you lied. Great, after this you have to get to work. The door opened and Thor walked in. Besides him walked another men you recognized immediately, Loki. “I still think this is a bad idea” Clint said. “I know, but we need him. Thor has vouched for him” Steve commented. Thor had a tense look, Loki was just smirking and looking around. Nobody made eye-contact with him. Tony clapped his hands together “Well.. ehm.. welcome, I guess. I will give you a tour, this is (Y/N) by the way. She will give you security clearance and tell you how to work with Jarvis.” You raised your eyebrow at Tony “What is happening here?”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you. There was some suspicious activity, Loki is here to help. Or so he says. I wanted to tell you, but you were so busy with the new security plan, I didn’t want to disturb you” he said. “Oh, yeah. Super busy, lot of late nights. No problem” you lied. Lots of late nights watching Netflix that was.. you thought.  You saw Loki staring at you. “He will be in the room across yours.” he then turned to Loki “Try not to disturb her, she’s one of my best employees and very busy.” You felt yourself blush at the compliment. Loki’s eyes were still fixed on you. You started to feel bad for Tony, he really thought you had been working hard. You were mentally scolding yourself for being so lazy. I will fix it in the next two weeks.

“Plan is almost finished then?” Natasha asked you. You nodded, not wanting to go into much detail of your not-so-detailed-plan. “Great, I need your help next week, think you’ve got the time?” she asked you. Shit, no.. but well, if I work a few all-nighters I have. Who needs sleep anyway? “Yeah of course, I was just telling that the plan will probably be finished before the deadline” you said. “You sure about that?” Loki said in a dry voice. Everyone just stared at him, nobody had expected him to join the conversation. “Back off, Reindeer Games. She knows what she’s doing” Tony said. Loki’s eyes narrowed at you and you looked away to the ground. Thor seemed to notice his brother staring at you “I will join the tour, shall we go now?” he said to Loki and Tony. With that the three of them left. The rest of the team was still discussing how they were feeling about Loki’s presence.

“Where’s Bruce?” Steve asked. “After his last encounter with Loki, he thought it was best to stay in the lab” Natasha told him. Steve smiled at you “I will check on him. Thor or Tony will bring Loki for the security clearance after the tour, call me if you don’t want to be alone with him.” You watched him leave and then left yourself. You sat back down at your desk and started to work on your secret planning. First you listed everything you needed to get done to finish the security plan. Then you made an overview of your time the next two weeks. I should have told Natasha I didn’t have time. With this planning that meant at least two nights you had to work through. You had to plan them accordingly, so nobody would notice how exhausted you were. Luckily, there were two days most of the team would be away. I hate myself for not starting on time. After your planning, your eye caught the Netflix logo on one of your tabs and you decided that you could watch one episode, before starting your long workday.

You were halfway through the episode. “Busy?” a low voice asked you from behind. You jumped from your chair and quickly closed your laptop. Turning around you saw Loki leaning against the wall in the doorway. His posture was casual and relaxed, but you couldn’t help starting to feel like you were in trouble. He walked towards you and you forgot how to breath. He took a seat in the chair across from yours and put his feet on your desk. He was leaning back slightly. His eyes never left yours. His eyes were a beautiful emerald colour, but the gaze they had made you feel like a deer in headlights. Suddenly, you were very aware that if he decided to kill you, he could with a snap of his finger. “Lost your tongue?” he asked. That’s when you realized that you hadn’t answered his question. “No, I’m not busy. You just startled me, that’s all” you said. Your voice sounded a little higher than you had hoped. You took a deep breath and sat back down in your seat.

Loki smirked at you “But I thought you were extremely busy?”. His voice sounded too innocent for the look he was giving you. “W- well.. I- I am. But I- eh.. I meant.. just knock next time you come here.” you stammered. “That didn’t sound convincing at all” he said. You saw a small glint in his eyes, which appeared immediately. “Thor said I should come here for security clearance, so I could walk freely around the building.” “Yeah right, ehm.. a moment please” you said. You started to type on your computer, entering Loki’s clearance. Feeling more nervous every second that passed. Loki was still staring at you. God, I wished he just looked at something else. You started to type faster and began your explanation of Jarvis to him. He cut you off after one sentence and rolled his eyes. “My brother might not know much about your primitive technology, but I do. No need to explain it, little one” You blushed at the nickname. “S- so eh.. you have now clearance and can walk around freely. If there’s nothing else I can do for you..” you didn’t finish the sentence and motioned at the door.

Loki stood up from his chair. Thank god you thought. However, he didn’t walk towards the door. He walked around your desk and stood right behind you. You felt goosebumps starting to form. “W- what are you doing?” you asked him. Your voice trembled. He put one hand on your shoulders and leaned down. His touch froze your whole body. You felt his breath tickle your earlobe. Fuck, he’s hot. Your breath hitched, you were surprised by your own thought. Where did that come from? You heard Loki chuckle in your ear and the first instinct you had was to jump up from your chair. He didn’t let you and held you firm in place with his hand on your shoulder. He is so much stronger than me. You started to panic, not knowing what to do. You sat as still as possible and stared at your screen. The screen was showing your episode on Netflix. “You are not going to finish” he whispered in your ear. “I wonder what Stark thinks of his model employee, wasting her time, his time, everyone’s time. I was surprised they didn’t notice your lies” he put his other hand also on your other shoulder.

You started to breath faster, unable to make up your mind. Running was not an option, and you were unable to speak a word, let alone form a sentence and tell him to fuck off. The sudden image of Loki bending you over your desk and taking you from behind crossed your mind. What the hell? No, not with him. You kept it a secret that you were extremely attracted to dominant men. You were ashamed of it. It felt demeaning to have a man control you like that. Usually, you had strong will-power and were opinionated. In bed with your former partners, you always were on top or in control. “You know, the soldier told me about your new security plan, he was very impressed with your presentation this morning. Did he know you made everything up on the spot?” You didn’t know how he knew that. You lowered your head, staring at the ground. “No” you whispered. Loki stroked his thumb across your collar bone. You took a deep breath, unable to decide if you were fearful of him or turned on by his touch.

You suddenly felt his tongue against your earlobe, flicking it. He started to kiss softly against the top of your neck. Trailing downwards towards your collar bone. His other hand travelled down to your breast. You forgot how to breath again and felt yourself heat up. I should do something. Get away, tell him to stop. But you didn’t move a muscle or say a word. He was massaging your breast and you felt your upper body lean into his touch. Damn.. you thought. This felt so wrong but also so right. “I think I am going to like my stay here” he hummed against your collar bone. The vibration on your skin sends a shot of arousal to your core. He suddenly grabbed your throat and squeezed it to cut off your breathing. “From now on you do as I tell you. One wrong move and I will expose you to Stark, you got that?” He loosened his grip somewhat, but not enough for you to get air. You started to nod as fast as you could. He laughed “If you try to scream or tell anyone about this you will pay.” He then let go of your throat. “Now, be a good girl and get back to work” he whispered in your ear. You were breathing heavily, trying to process everything that just happened. When you looked behind you, you saw that Loki was already gone.

When you caught your breath, you contemplate your options. If you told someone about it, you surely would be fired. Maybe I can tell Steve? He always has my back. But you also lied to Steve a lot, and he was so impressed by your work. Nope, not an option. Maybe quitting? There was no way you would ever find a job you loved so much and paid so well. Plus, you have gotten quite close with most of the members on the team. I could tell Natasha. She might know a way out. But she would surely ask why you hadn’t castrated Loki, or at least tried, when he started to touch you. You couldn’t admit to her that a part, buried deep within you, liked to be treated that way. I could finish my work, and if Loki tries anything again then tell them. They would believe you over the God of Lies after all. And with your work done, Loki couldn’t show any proof of his accusations. The only other thing you needed to do was to avoid him as much as possible. After this encounter, you didn’t want to know what he would want you to do. Maybe a little… you thought. He is tall, and you could feel his abs through his leather jacket. If you didn’t know anything about him and met him in a club, you definitely would have let him take you home.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. You snapped your head to see who it was. Thor was standing there. “Are you okay?” he asked. You froze, thinking he had witnessed the whole thing. “I’m fine” you said, hoping he would believe the lie. “Good, Loki likes to scare and play with people. So, I thought I check up on you” he gave you a genuine smile. “Also… I wondered if maybe you would want to have dinner with us tonight?”. You looked at him with a questioning look on your face. “Sorry?” you asked him. Thor started to let his hand go through his hair. His posture changed a bit, he looked more nervous. “Well, bringing Loki here was necessary. But I’m worried about how he will fit in and he needs to. Plus, he will be here a long time. So, I was hoping you would help me with him and maybe get to know him a bit? If he knows someone, he usually lights up.” he gave you a pleading look. “You two actually are very similar in some ways.” he said quickly. “N- not that I mean.. I didn’t mean..” he stammered. “I didn’t mean it as an insult, I just think you two could be friends, that’s all” he sighed. I really don’t have time to spend a whole evening trying to befriend the guy that just made my life hell. I really need to work. You looked at Thor, who was putting on his best puppy eyes. You sighed “Fine, but I have to finish some things for work. So, I cannot make it too late.” Thor grinned widely at you. He walked towards you and engulfed you in a big hug. “Mortal over here, Thor” you said while he was squeezing the tiny amount of air you had in your lungs out. “Thank you Lady (Y/N)!” he boomed. “Just come to his room around six o’clock, I will take care of dinner.”

Thor left your office. Great, tonight is going to be so much fun you thought sarcastically. You turned towards your laptop and opened your document, finally getting to work on your security plan.

[dangermousie]

2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...

Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.

43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.

42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.

41 You Complete Me - no you do not.

40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.

39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.

38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.

37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.

36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.

35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.

34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.

33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.

32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.

31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.

30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.

29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.

28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.

27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.

26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.

25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.

24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!

23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.

22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.

21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.

20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.

19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.

18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.

17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.

17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.

16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.

15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.

14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.

13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.

12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.

11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.

10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.

10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)

9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)

8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!

7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.

6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)

5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.

4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.

3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.

2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.

1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.

FAVORITE DRAMA

The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.

WORST DRAMA

Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++

Runner Up:  Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.

Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.

Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.

NOTP

Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.

FAVORITE SCENE

It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!

NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT

The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way,  from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years. 

2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time

BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020

Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.

ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.

MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021

I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)

Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love

[mk-wizard]

How “Zombie Garfield” Happened

Hello, friends.

Today, I want to talk about a comic series that is extremely special to me because it is one of the many comics that made me realize what I wanted to do as a calling and it helped shame my childhood as well as my sense of humour: Garfield. Sadly... this essay will be a negative one, but it needs to be written. It is how the “Zombie Garfield” came to be. No, it’s not a Halloween special, it is a case of how the downfall of Garfield happened and how it became nothing more than a shadow of what it once was. Note that this essay is also subjective and I am well aware that some fans like the new Garfield. I have nothing, but respect for those fans, but as someone who read Garfield from the beginning and owned a large majority of its books for the last 25 years, I can tell you that the iconic orange fat can is not what he once was and while he has yet to lose weight, he has lost a lot of his original charm. And it goes well beyond seasonal rot. To understand how Zombie Garfield came to be, I will list all the things that made classic Garfield great and how those qualities are now gone. And for the record, this is coming from someone who supports reboots and getting with the times.

1- Garfield is still and always will be a cat. - No matter out outlandish, wacky, ambidextrous his forepaws are or quirky Garfield will act, he will always fall back on being a cat. He cannot talk meaning no one can understand or hear his thoughts, he walks on four legs most of the time and he is a creature of his species habit. With the exception of eating mice that is.

In short, Garfield was smarter and more self-aware than the average cat, but he is a cat and would act like one. That was part of what made him funny, but over time, Garfield would walk only on his hind legs which now had human like feet, everyone could hear his thoughts or he could talk, and he was able to do everything a human being could do. In other words, Garfield became more like an anthropomorphic cat playing the part of a cat.

It just isn’t the same and while I love the Looney Toons for being this way, Garfield isn’t a Looney Toon. He was his own unique thing and now, that uniqueness is gone and I’m not the only who misses it. After all, Garfield paved the way for other pet themed comics thanks to being a cat. It also feels all the more wrong to stop being what he is supposed to be for that reason.

2- Garfield has a heart. - While Garfield has the personality of a problem child and slightly bullying big brother, deep down, he loves John, Odie and at one time, the comic was on the path with Garfield even growing to love Nermal. And no, this isn’t a joke. At one time, Nermal growing on Garfield was a thing.

That was also a huge part of the joke. Garfield was cynical, sarcastic and savage, but deep down, had a lot of love to give. And that is why we loved the comic strip. After all, how can you have a family slice of life comic if there’s no love? Now, Garfield’s antics have become outright sadistic to the point of being grimly homicidal which I get is funny to some, but to a long time fan like me, that is shocking and not the Garfield I know. At all. And not just Garfield. Everyone in the comic has become so mean spirited. While the Garfield family was never a perfect one, it was never dysfunctional like it is now. While even Nermal used to say clever quips, he was never actually mean because he actually admired Garfield. Now, the heart has been replaced with stone and it shows.

3- Garfield was relatable. - And not just for people with cats or for socially awkward people like Jon. Garfield was relatable to people in general because it dealt with issues that the average person could relate to. It wasn’t all about Garfield being a glutton or just putting down Jon. While exaggerated at times, at the core, we could all put ourselves in the characters’ shoes at one time or another. Kind of like, this situation right here;

Nowadays, we have Garfield taking these mission impossible type trips all the way in the Amazon jungle, he finds a dinosaur bone in his backyard and there was even a special about him becoming a superhero.

Now, I don’t mind specials that switch it up, but even the specials should be grounded in reality because that was Garfield’s major audience: real people. And I also understand that the new Garfield Show cartoon is aimed for children, but the type of episodes it features feel like they belong in another setting. Not for Garfield.

4- Everyone would win and lose some sometimes. Including Garfield. - In other words, Garfield was not a Mary Sue who would get away with everything no matter how awful he acted. Sooner or later, he would get his karma moments just like everyone else would. And on the flipside, the others would win every now and then for their efforts including Jon and Odie. This kept the characters interesting and funny.

Now, there seems to be an unwritten rule that no matter how bad Garfield acts, the worst he gets is a slap on the paw. And also, Jon just isn’t allowed to win anymore (with the exception of the point I will bring up next and I’m surprised he still has that with how he is written now). This has changed Garfield into a mischievous yet loveable cat to a borderline abuser. This is absolute not the Garfield I know at all. Sure, he was savage at times, but never cruel. And Jon was socially awkward and had a rocky love life, but he was never THIS inept.

5- Jon’s struggle with winning Liz’s heart. - If there was one true plot to Garfield, it was Jon finding true love though specifically, him trying to woo Garfield’s vet Liz. It was always kind of hinted that sooner or later, Jon would finally capture her heart and it was something we were all rooting for yet at the same time, it would be bittersweet because it would mark the end of the series just as Steve Urkell finally winning Laura Winslow from Family Matters marked the end of that series. As long as Liz only at best tolerated Jon, it meant that the story was still going on and in its defense, the comic was still funny throughout that period even if by the end, its age was starting to show.

And on a side note, I mean even years after this phase of the comic, but this is the best of the Jon wooing Liz strip’s in my opinion. Anyway, when the fateful day happened where the pair finally went steady, we all expected to end. Of course, not abruptly as there would be a few new jokes to tell, but the story ran its natural course and the only big left to do was end it on a high note with Jon and Liz most likely either getting married or at least living together... but that didn’t happen. The comic is still ongoing which is a disservice to it because all of the important jokes have run out. Now, it looks like the story will continue until Liz leaves Jon which is not a good way to end the show because instead of ending on a happy high note, it will end on a sad low note. If it even ends when that happens.

Now, as I stated before, this is all my opinion, but I have to say that in my mind, once Liz finally became Jon’s woman and the family accepted her, Garfield ended. I also want to clear the air that new Garfield in no way, shape or form changes the way I feel about my Garfield. Nothing can change that for me. I am just saying that I have lost interest in the comic and I just take it as another example of what happens when you don’t let a story end once it has run its natural course. It loses itself.

But what do all of you think? What has Garfield lost? And what is your opinion on new Garfield? I would love to hear it. If you love my essays and my work, do give me a follow and even drop me a Ko-Fi or become a patron of mine. I also make art, webcomics and I do commissions. All links are in my profile page.

Thanks for reading and as always, have a great day and stay safe.

[theflannelwizard]

Miss Simian teaches the Special Accommodations class

First off, I would like to say that I am neurodivergent, and most of these headcanons are based off my own experiences. If I do accidentally phrase something in a way that offends you, please let me know so I can fix it! Thanks to @onceuponymous to chatting with me about this before I posted it! I will also say that TAWOG is my current hyper fixation, so this might end up being a rather long post! I’ll try to use bold and italics so my fellow neurodivergent fans have an easier time reading it if they want to :)

I think Miss Simian’s class is full of the neurodivergent kids in Elmore Jr. High. This would explain why Darwin and Gumball are in the same class, despite being two years apart in age, and why they are so blind to the rest of the school. They have their routine and their class, and they are purposefully on a separate schedule than the other students. This would also explain why Gumball and Darwin are so frequently sent to the guidance counselor for their outbursts instead of to the principal.

Almost all if not all of the students in her class exhibit common symptoms of neurodivergence, including (but not limited to) having trouble communicating, hyper fixating or having special interests, masking or feeling like the world won't like, understand, or accept them if they don’t put on a persona, fidgeting or stimming, having trouble with focus, expressing emotion intensely or in unique ways, and either adhering to a strict schedule or behaving impulsively.

Let’s start with trouble communicating. This is an obvious and easy one- almost none of Gumball’s classmates communicate in a neurotypical fashion. Juke and William have extreme trouble communicating verbally, and although Juke realizes this, he keeps trying but is unable to “switch” himself to an easily understood language. William doesn’t even realize he is unheard until Gumball declares he is silent.  Banana Joe, Bobert, Sussie, and Jamie all speak in special dialects or patterns that are understandable but set them apart from what would be considered “normal.” Jamie’s is the least obvious, but I would argue that her reliance on threats, often delivered using the same formula, is a unique speech pattern that could have developed in part due to her parentage/home life and in part due to trouble communicating. Gumball has no problem with speaking in an understandable way, but he does have trouble expressing his emotions- he either locks them down or goes over the top with grand declarations and gestures. Likewise, Darwin is able to express himself rather clearly, but he canonically has trouble “learning facial expressions” and is often blind to sarcasm and manipulation, as are many of his classmates. Some students are on the end of the spectrum where they may not have trouble speaking, but they do have trouble reading social cues. For example, Molly is eager to talk to her friends, but can’t always tell whether they are engaged with her stories and doesn’t know when to stop talking. Sarah doesn’t have a clear understanding of boundaries, and neither do Tobias, Sussie, Banana Joe, Teri, Tina, Clayton, Ocho, Gumball, or Alan (despite having good intentions, he often fails to set boundaries for himself, and that’s just as important to notice as those who intrude or don’t understand boundaries for others). In fact, I would argue the entire class has, at some point, shown that they have trouble setting or anticipating healthy boundaries. Once boundaries have been clearly set, they usually are able and willing to respect them, but they can’t always tell on their own what another person is okay with.

Now for hyper fixations and special interests. I would say Teri is one of the most obvious here, with her extensive knowledge of germs and cleanliness. She’s more than just a germaphobe, she has studied hygiene and is obsessive to a point of rarely talking about anything else. Alan could likely be fixated on activism or the general concept of goodness, working overtime to make himself into the most helpful and positive person he can be. Sarah’s fangirl persona goes hand in hand with a fixation on comics, anime, and/or manga. I would even say Carrie’s intense dedication to goth/emo culture could be considered a special interest, and Leslie has a similar relationship to fashion, beauty, and the (heavily coded) LGBT community. Tobias’ obsession with video games has canonically gotten so intense that he neglected basic needs such as sleep- a classic example of hyper fixation. 

As far as masking and persona goes, many of the points I’m about to make could be seen as simple stereotyping to make the characters distinct. I choose to interpret it differently. Gumball, Penny, Tobias, Carrie, Masami, Tina, Clayton, and Ocho have all had arcs or significant moments where they were either revealed to have interests or personality traits that were in direct contrast with their outward persona or revealed to think people wouldn’t like “the real them” as much as the act they put on. For example, Penny was terrified to come out of her shell, Tina doesn’t intend to be a bully but comes off as one due to her menacing mask (for self protection, perhaps, so she doesn’t get bullied herself?), and Ocho admits he has trust issues due to being used for his uncles and not respected unless he puts on an intense and aggressive front. Other students build their identities around a single aspect of themself, either something that they find important or something that they expect will be liked or respected. Tobias, Leslie, Carrie, Alan, Jamie, Tina, Idaho, Sarah, Bobert, Banana Joe, and Masami fall easily into stereotypes and seem to be glad to do so. Clayton goes so far as to commit identity theft simply so no one will see his true self and dislike him. Clayton’s compulsive lying is also a symptom of ADHD.

I’m not going to write a whole paragraph on fidgeting/stimming and focus, because I don’t think there’s too much to analyze or dissect there, but if you go back and watch any episode, you’ll likely notice that many of the characters are easily distracted and/or have unique body movements, postures, or phrases that they tend to repeat. I also think impulsivity and routine is so important to the plot that it doesn’t need to be discussed, but was worth a brief mention.

Let’s talk about emotions! Gumball has the classic neurodivergent experience of either bottling up his emotions with no idea how to express them or going over the top with grand declarations and gestures. He feels things very intensely, as shown by his often dramatic reactions, but isn’t always sure how to process or express them. Darwin is always on one extreme of that scale, with no filter as to how he expresses and feels things. He is unafraid to cry in public, declare that something makes him feel good or bad, or say very bluntly what needs to be done to make him feel better (eg declaring he responds well to positive reinforcement- that sounds like therapist or guidance counselor language to me! Good job, Darwin! I wish I was as clear as you!). Likewise, Penny is prone to meltdowns after she breaks out of her shell, and she is so intensely emotional that she messes up her (likely well-rehearsed) cheer tryout due to being rejected by Gumball, and her physical form changes based on emotion. Banana Joe, Carrie, Masami, Sarah, arguably Anton, Carmen, Teri, Tina, Hector, and Sussie also express their intense emotions in big and obvious ways. Some examples include Masami’s meltdown in The Storm, Teri’s tendency to faint or cry, Carmen’s outburst (possibly a meltdown or breakdown) at her old school, and Tina’s tendency to use violence and anger as a first response when upset, even in “small” ways. (Note- I put small in quotes because something like being told it’s a waste of time to get piano lessons might not feel small to her, and could indeed warrant chasing and attacking Gumball.) On the other side of the scale, we have characters like Alan, Idaho, Bobert, Molly, Leslie, and Hector (again, as he behaves differently with or without his music box), who are capable of being dramatic or expressing emotion, but won’t acknowledge their feelings directly and might even be perceived as not having (many) emotions. For instance, Bobert is often referred to as not having emotions or not being a real person, a harmful stereotype against autistic folks, which is increased by the fact that he is a robot, which autistic folks are sometimes unfairly compared to. Alan is seemingly incapable of feeling negative emotions, to the point where his loss of hope wrecks Elmore, implying that he has a mental or emotional block from feeling and expressing these emotions. Molly references her “special dark place,” implying that she does get emotionally or sensorially overwhelmed, but has no way to express her needs (or lacks the confidence to do so) and would rather remove herself from a situation. Leslie is the most dramatic of the characters with emotional blocks or low emotional expression, but I would argue that since he never openly owns or discusses his emotions, (verbally or otherwise,) and instead turns to petty drama or denial, he also belongs in this category.

TL;DR: Most if not all of Miss Simian’s students exhibit classic symptoms of neurodivergence, be it autism, adhd, or both. Hopefully the many (x character) has (x diagnosis) posts I’ve seen floating around can supplement this theory! And of course, if you don’t buy this interpretation or just don’t like it, you don’t have to agree with me! But I think the idea of TAWOG having a majority neurodivergent cast is comforting, fun, and canon-compliant. :)

[escapethewonderland]

It could have been you

Pairing: JakexFem!MC (Nadia)

Word counts: 1.8k

A/N: Hi darlings, I got the itch for a bit of Jake angst over the last few days so here it is this little OS. Kindly inspired by a song that stuck in my head while writing, Muddy Waters by LP. Hope you like it! SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 ENDING, BE AWARE!

TW: swearing, angst, mention of blood

Nadia was sitting on the edge of her bed, watching her closet intently like she was trying to find an answer to the incredible mess that her life had become over the last month. The doors were hanging open, patiently waiting for the girl to start gathering the clothes she needed for the trip to Duskwood.

She felt like her head was on the verge of exploding. Rabid thoughts were chasing each others around unbounded, hammering against her temples and begging to set them free.

She squeezed her hands together, quivering nervously while trying to release that ugly tension off her body. Seeing Richy bloody, slowing fading away on that hellish forest’s ground was the last straw for Nadia: someone got severely hurt and, all of a sudden, the game her and Jake were playing got extremely real.

Nadia couldn’t afford anymore to wait on the sidelines, protected by the distance and her hacker because sooner or later, they would come knocking on her doors. Although the strong gut feeling of running far away in the opposite direction, Nadia couldn’t deny the inescapable bond that was calling her to Duskwood. Even more now that both the girl and Jake may had the blood of an innocent guy dripping from their hands.

The young woman closed her eyes against that cruel image, breathing slowly from her nose, flexing her fingers.

Richy was going to make it; he had to.

He might survive. Those were the feeble words of hope that the doctors had said and the whole group hold on to them with ferocity: the idea of losing Richy was unacceptable.

A notification from the phone distracted the young woman, making her wince: she couldn’t recall how long she had been standing still in front of the wardrobe.

  Nadia…I just read your texts. Is it true? Is Richy…?

The girl let an unsteady breath slip out between her lips, fighting back the tears.

Yes Jake, he’s fighting for his life on an operating table.

She got up from her bed, walking aimlessly around the small apartment in an agitated frenzy. Jake’s answer came right away.

I’m so, so sorry. I…I wasn’t expecting that. I…I’m at loss for words.

“No shit” Nadia snorted viciously under her breath, wiping away a traitorous tear that slowly crept down her cheek. Her breath was now ragged, but she still tried to keep her cool and not hyperventilate. Panic wouldn’t get her nowhere, she needed to be sharp right now.

Holding her phone in a tight grip, Nadia walked back to her bedroom; mind settled.

I don’t know what to say too, Jake, but I know what I have to do.

She threw the mobile on her bed with more vehemence than what was necessary. With few, swift strides, she found herself back in her room, standing in front of her closet to retrieve an old backpack from the tallest shelf. She scrutinized the clothes with a clinic eyes, opting for something practical, taking only the bare minimum she needed for a week or so.

Nadia didn’t bother to check her phone when Jake’s first reply came. Nor the next one or the other after that.

She was on autopilot, a ghost wandering around and haunting her own house.

Nadia spared a look at her reflection in the mirror while collecting the stuff she needed from the bathroom: her face was strained with harsh lines, eyes wide with messy makeup and even messier hair.

She brought her things to the other room, dumping them merciless inside the backpack and only then looked at her phone.

There were several messages from Jake but it was the last one that caught the girl’s attention.

Are you packing, Nadia? Please, answer me.

The phone slipped from her fingers after reading that words. A hint of paranoia emerged in her chest and she scanned her bedroom with meticulous care, calming down again only when she had checked twice every possible hiding place. No one seemed to be lurking in her room and the curtains were closed shut, a few sun shines peeking through them. She was still safe, it was still her home, no danger lurking in the shadows.

With trembling hands, Nadia retrieved the phone from the carpet.

She frowned, slightly afraid to look at the camera, before a wave of scolding hot anger filled her bones. Mouth set in a straight, harsh line, she started typing to Jake.

Are you fucking spying on me through my phone, Jake?

No answer. The girl felt like boiling with everything she’d been trying to repress since the first time Thomas texted her.

Are you fucking serious, Jake? Are you fucking with me or have you lost your mind along the way? Do you think that you can just go around spying people through their phone whenever it sooths you, whenever it’s convenient for your agenda?

Jake. I fucking trusted you! YOU…

The girl stopped there, unable to type anymore given the trembling that took control of her hands.

Nadia brought the back of her hand against her lips, suppressing a sob that would inevitably destroy the already fragile dam that was barely holding back all of her destructive emotions.

She fought it with all of her might, eventually falling on her knees because even standing felt crushing in that moment.

Nadia felt like she was going crazy, slowly loosing herself in something that was so much bigger than her.

Her phone started vibrating in her hand, signalling an incoming call from an unknown number.

Nadia stood there for a moment, debating if accepting the call or not. Could it be…?

“Hello?” she answered with a shaky voice.

Nadia heard a sight and a male voice greeted her, no distortion this time.

“Please, don’t go” pleaded who she assumed was Jake on the other side of the line.

Nadia let out a wet sob, almost chocking on the longing and sadness that built up in her chest at hearing Jake’s voice for the first time. His voice sounded so warm and comforting like a soothing balm, but it was all ruined by the ill-timing of the call.

“How much have I longed for this moment… you have no idea, Jake, you have no idea. I can’t believe it, it’s actually you” she mumbled under her breath, almost too quiet to be heard.

Another sight greeted her words, but Jake didn’t say anything.

“I would have loved to hear your voice for the first time under different circumstances” she continued, tears rolling freely down her grieving face.

“But the situation is pretty fucked up, Jake. I can’t afford to wait on the side-lines any longer”

“You can’t go, Nadia, please. You can’t really be thinking of going to Duskwood” replied Jake fast, almost eating up the words like he was in a hurry to get them out, to keep her safely where she was.

“But I am going, Jake. It was all my fault: Jessy’s attack, Cleo’s letters and now Richy… if I didn’t get involved, if I stayed out of it, nothing would have happened to them. It’s only fair I stand by their side to help them, actually help them” Nadia said with deep-rooted sadness in her voice, slowly getting up from the carpet. Her knees felt weak but her mind was strong.

There was a loud thud on the other side of the line, like a fist being slammed against a wooden table.

“No, no, no! Nadia, please! Duskwood is even more dangerous than before right now and you could put yourself into bigger troubles!”

She snorted without humour in her voice, now fully standing, sliding a hand through her hair.

“Well Jake, it’s not like you can stop me, can you? Because you’re not here… You’re not fucking here with me. What would you have me rather do, uh? Don’t you think I’m scared!? I’M TERRIFIED BUT WHY DON’T YOU…”

“IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU, DAMMIT!” Jake almost screamed into her ear, panting like he had just ran a marathon.

Nadia closed her eyes while more tears carved their path through her reddened cheeks, biting hard on her lower lip. Her heart clenched painfully at his words cause only now she realized how much she’d been craving to feel his barriers coming down.

“It could have been you, bleeding out in that nightmarish forest, for fuck’s sake. And only the thought of you being hurt or worse, of losing you…it’s enough to drive me insane” he confessed softly, his silky voice like sweet honey in the Nadia’s ear, a tempting offer of haven.

“But it wasn’t me” she replied hesitantly, not trusting her voice not to break “it still could have been Lilly. It could have been Hannah”

That was a low blow, Nadia knew that but his sisters were the only family he had left and if he couldn’t be on the front line to save them, she would step up to be in his place and protect them.

“I don’t wanna lose you, not you too” Jake whispered, voice heavy with despair, so close to the mic that for a moment she had the faint illusion of having him right by her side.

“And you won’t, Jake, I promise you. You won’t lose any of us, we will see each other at the end of this. We’ll all be together and make up for all the time we spent apart.”

She almost smiled at that idyllic picture taking shape into her mind.

“But I have to go” Nadia simply stated, softly as to not hurt him, even though she was already doing that.

She closed the call before she lost all of the courage she had mustered up, Jake’s no’s haunting her while she turned off her phone. She exhaled deeply, before hitting her wardrobe’s door with her open palm, muffling a scream against her folded t-shirts.

It took Nadia five whole minutes to regain her composure and fight back fat tears of sorrow, but when she finally looked back up, there were flames in her eyes.

She set her body into motion, retrieving an object from the drawer under her desk: the older phone used to be her main phone, but Nadia was sure she was going to need a backup since everyone in Duskwood already had her info. No one knew her new number though, so she hoped it could turn out to be a secret advantage. Only Lilly was aware of it, she was the one to help her out to settle everything and she was the only soul that knew she was coming to Duskwood and they both preferred that way.

She braced herself, backpack on her shoulder and keys in her hands: even though she was filled with much uncertainty, Nadia knew she was on the right path.

[wisteria-lodge]

lion primary + badger secondary (bird model)

ie A HOUSE MATCH !!

Hellooo, I’m sorry for bothering you but I’ve found this blog and I absolutely love your character analysis and overall thought about the SHC system, and I could use some help?

I’ve known the system for a while now, since the old SHC tumblr times, and while understanding my current primary situation has been quite easy, I’m having A LOT of trouble with my secondary and it’s becoming a bit of a issue for me because the more I think about it, the more confused I become, to the point where it’s upsetting me a bit.

First thing first, my Primary is a very “standard” Lion, the whole “you feel if something is right or not and if you do something that’s not right to you you feel bad/ill/it’s wrong” is extremely me. I had some doubts about a Badger model, but I think it’s just that my personal ideals and values align a lot with a Badger worldview, since I grew in a very Badger society and family (very leftist, a lot of emphasis on equality and valuing and creating communities). Reading various description/interpretations of primary Lion always feels right, while reading primary Badger always makes me think “yeah, this is all good and nice, BUT…” so this was quite easy to sort out (no pun intended).

Are you me? So far... I could have written this. It’s possible I *might* be biased going forward. 

When it comes to secondaries, I see a lot of myself in Bird descriptions: I make spreadsheets for everything.

 Pretty Bird.

I am a crafter with an apparently endless supply of books and tutorials and supplies ready, and the enthusiasm to share them. 

That sounds more Badger. 

I am the mom friend 

Badger.

who always has what’s needed in their bag. 

Bird.

I am that one person you can count on knowing a funny or interesting anecdote about almost any topic, from the mundane to the truly obscure. Learning new things, about any topic, is literally one of my biggest pleasures in life. 

Bird [model?] Whichever one isn’t your secondary is a model you clearly love.

I take pride in all these things, but I honestly have trouble understanding if I like using them as tools because they help me with my ADHD and so I received a very strong positive enforcement using them and I kept the ones I like, or if I started doing them because they are what I like doing and coincidentally they help me managing my symptoms or better navigate the world in my day to day life.

Could be either, but modeling Bird because you’re neurodivergent is very much a thing.

Also, while I love planning, when it comes to making decisions I tend to gather all information and summarize it in a way that makes sense to me so I can visualize the issue in my mind as complete and detailed as possible, but the final decision tends to feel a bit… impulsive, to me?, there’s always A LOT of gut feeling involved, and when I don’t follow it usually it ends up being a wrong or subpar decision. I do need to gather all the available information about the issue/situation/item/people, but rather than making my decision by comparison, I use the information to make sure that I’m “seeing” the truth (or as close to it as it is possible) and then once I feel safe that I’m not overlooking anything important I just KNOW what is the correct decision.

That’s a Lion primary making a call. 

Could this simply be a very strong primary interfering with the decision-making, even when it’s not about ideals but more mundane things?

Decision making is always a primary thing. Mundane stuff included. Mundane stuff is important. 

On the other hand, I am an extremely hard working person (I am changing jobs right now because I feel like my old bosses are making more and more difficult for me to just do my job properly and without needing to cut corners, and it just feels wrong to me). 

Oh good lord. I am ready to sort you as a Badger secondary solely on the basis of THAT. 

People tell me I’m a very good listener and that I am especially good at helping others unravel their thoughts when they’re all confused and tangled because I ask the right questions. I seem to gain other people’s trust easily and often I get told gossip or secrets before others. 

Badger. Also DAMN but that’s relatable. I think you might house-match me. 

I got told several times by previous bosses that I should look into becoming a team leader because people like me and I make them get along better. 

Sounds like a Lion/Badger combo. 

People get attached to me very quickly and when I have problems the stream of folks asking if they can help or just checking in is always way more than I expect.

Isn’t it weird how that happens? 

This all sounds like Badger stuff, from the descriptions I read, but many of them are not things I actively enjoy doing, I just.. do them because it would be weird to do otherwise? Or it feels like they happen to me with no effort on my part.

Because they’re just you. It’s just who you are. 

I think they might be simply a result of me growing up in a society that values hard work and being kind to others, or just me being a likeable person

Not everyone finds this easy. Not even close. I have read so many testimonials written by people in Badger secondary households killing themselves trying to fit into this model. Wanting isn’t enough. Having examples around you isn’t enough. 

or maybe coping mechanisms I had to learn in order to “pass” as neurotypical but as I wrote the more think and read about Birds and Badgers and their differences, the more I get confused and frustrated.

Now I know I’m projecting, but all my neurotypical coping mechanisms come out of the Bird secondary toolbox. 

But it would make sense since I burned out badly in my teens from trying to always try to be perfect for my family, my friends, my teachers, society 

That sounds like a young Badger secondary, more than a young Bird secondary.

and when I finally found who I really wanted to be I resolved to never let anyone define what or how I should be ever again (hello there, Lion primary!)

I hear that. 

After a lifetime of beating myself up for not living up to the absurdly high expectations I set up for myself, I have decided that the only way to stay sane for me is to do the groundwork, be as prepared as I can

Bird

 put in the work I should

Badger

 but once I’m in the thick of it just… ride the wave. And now I got to the point where I have the confidence that I am smart enough to learn the basics of a new skill on the fly, if needed.

To me, this is so fundamentally, so spiritually Badger secondary. You don’t have tools. You are a tool. You made yourself into one. And that moment where you can just trust yourself to catch the world, absorb it into yourself, and become whatever it needs you to be... it’s ecstasy. 

I’d say that lack of time is my worst enemy, but due/thanks to the ADHD that’s not true most of the time, since lack of time is what enables me to get past the executive dysfunction in the first place, so I’ll say I have a love-hate relationship with it. Doing things just before a deadline is it’s own kind of high, after all (I’m not saying it’s healthy).

At the base of your soul, you’re not really a Bird prepper/planner. 

A practical example: I usually don’t like platforming games much, but I am LOVING Immortals: Fenyx Rising because in most situations, there is a “best” way to do things but you can also get creative by using different skills, using specific items, finding loopholes, or a combination of all of them.

Sounds like a Bird secondary having fun. [a fun model?]

When I fail a level/combat I don’t get frustrated because I know that I just have to try a few more times until I find the solution that feels right FOR ME, even if it’s not the most efficient ones. And when I do it feels great, even if I look a at guide afterwards and there’s a waaay easier solution! I usually feel a bit silly for not “seeing it” but also think something like “well, I think MY way is more fun!”

Oh yeah, a Bird secondary would not have that reaction. That is the sacred Badger consistency of method. How you do something matters equally as much as the final product. 

When I cook, I usually find a recipe I like and try it as written, then I make small adjustments to improve it, see how it turns out, and so on until I have a recipe that is MY recipe, one I really like and that I know well enough to use as a basis to be changed if needed, knowing exactly how the change will affect the end result. I think this is why I prefer baking to other kinds of cooking, since it’s much more akin to chemistry I feel like I have more control over what a change will do. 

On it’s own this could be a description of rapid-fire Bird. And you clearly have Bird, you have a lot of it. You love it. 

So I guess that what really matters to me is being able to do things my way so that I can enjoy the process and live up to my standards instead of external ones? 

But then you say something like this... it’s about the process... it’s about the method... it’s about something coming up to your own personal standards. And that’s so Badger. 

This ended up being very lengthy… I’ve tried shortening it but English isn’t my first language and I was afraid I might come across not clearly. 

Your English is perfect, and insanely clear. You’re clearer than I am. 

Thank you again for the blog, I especially like your DS9 characters’ analysis and I am low-key hoping for more :)

I’m particularly proud of those ones. I’d love to do more, but before that I would have to go back and re-watch the show, or at least key character episodes. I’m not going to sort from memory. That would be doing a show I love, and a number of extremely complex characters a disservice. And it wouldn’t be nearly as fun. 

(it’s that whole Badger integrity-of-method thing, you know how it goes.) 

[elegantwizardtree]

not the brother she wanted but the brother she needed

takes place during the Halloween episode of wandavision

"Hey, sis don't sweat it, it's not like your dead husband can die twice!" At that moment, Pietro knew he would regret ever saying that sentence because no sooner did those words leave his mouth was he sent flying backward and into the wall. He tried with all his might to get up and move, but no such luck, so the speedster remained lying there on the ground, waiting for the red wiggles to lift off.

"Boy's, I need you two to run home for me, I'll take care of your father... And your uncle, but right now, you don't need to be here for that." Wanda stated firmly as she carefully turned the twins around and gently pushed them towards the direction of their home.

Once the boys had indeed disappeared in a grey blur, Wanda turned and marched her way over to the man pretending to be her brother. She had a nerve to pick with him, but not right now, she needed to attend to her husband first. "I am not finished with you." She grunted out, pointing a slim finger down towards the man laid out before her. She didn't even let the imposter speak before she lifted off into the air and towards the struggling energy of Vision.

Once her focus on saving Vision and expanding on the hex had been completed, Wanda found herself slowly walking towards the spot she had left her brother. The man had fallen asleep between the hour she had thrown him into the wall and now, the peaceful look on the man's face caused her to pause. He looked tired, much more tired than she was used to seeing him being. In the days that this man had shown up at her doorstep and called her couch home, Wanda had never seen such a look on his face. She was puzzled.

So, with a gentle wave of her hands, she let the red threads of her magic dissipate, no longer did they hold the blond man down. And instead of immediately awakening the stranger, she began to inspect him more closely, trying to point out all the differences between him and her twin. The most obvious was the face, and his hair, when he first showed up was completely silver, it wasn't the dyed drained out looking grey that it was now, but the exact color of silver. It struck Wanda as odd, and the tattoo on his should. Her own Pietro didn't have a tattoo, they hadn't the money for one, the only "tattoo" he had, that they both had were the numbers on their wrist. The numbers Hydra associated the two with.

Moving on from his features, she spotted the necklace that he had come with. It was no longer hanging from his neck, but broken. The impact he had made with the wall must've caused the beads to break and to scatter all over the place. It was kind of a relief to see because Wanda hadn't liked it. The feeling she had gotten from it when her armed had brushed against it one day to pull her brother into a hug was rather disturbing. The energy was off-putting and she had nearly pushed him away from her when she felt it.

Before she could focus more on the broken, scattered beads, a low grunt sounded from before her, and slowly blinking brown eyes looked up at her in confusion.

Pietro had awakened and it was time to get to business.

"I- wait, where am I? And who're you!" The alarmed voice of a confused and scared man yelled out. The imposter was frantic and looking about himself in a daze as if he couldn't focus on anything around him. His fingers blurred in an image of pale white as if he was trying to busy himself to calm him down. It pulled at Wanda's heart for some odd reason. Whatever she had done to this man who had claimed to be her brother had caused some strange form of a memory wipe.

"You're in Westview," Wanda was cut off at the pained look that flashed upon the stranger's face. Something about her words seemed to have greatly upset him, and his brown eyes immediately began to water, "Westview, New Jersey. I'm Wanda, Wanda Maximoff you've been staying with me and my family for the past week... Do you mind telling me who you are?" Wanda gently asked as she was careful to take a seat before the distressed man who froze up as soon as her name had crossed her lips. She wasn't sure why, but she was confident she would have that exact reaction once he stayed his.

"I'm Peter, Peter Maximoff and why are you claiming to be my dead sister! Why am I in New Jersey instead of New York! I don't remember- why don't I remember how I got here?!" Peter was panicking now, his breathing was becoming ragged and hard, his fingers had gone up into his hair and began to pull violently. "And why, why do I have memories that aren't my own!" He sobbed out as he fell over onto his side and continued to tug, tugging as if he continued it would get the unwanted images from his mind.

At this point Wanda was worried, she didn’t know what to do, and was honestly extremely terrified. It's been so long since she's held someone down from an attack like this. Her brother had had one shortly their battle with Ultron and then she could barely do anything but helplessly watch. Her twin had gotten into a habit of running through his tears, and she had expected the same from this one, from Peter who ultimately was convinced he was a Maximoff. So, in an attempt to ground him, Wanda carefully reached into his head and plucked out the happiest memory to play with him, and it was on she found happy to share with him.

--

DC 1965

Peter was smiling happily to his left. A little girl with red hair and faint dust freckles across her cheeks smiled just as brightly at Peter. Her front teeth were missing and they stood at the side of a hospital bed, both seeming to jump in excitement, more so the girl than her brother. Peter was vibrating in excitement.

"Be quiet now, your sister is sleeping." A tired woman sounded from the bed. In her arms she held a baby wrapped in a white blanket, a newborn, Wanda had noticed, obviously a new addition to the small family.

"Can't help it, Ms. Maximoff's just been born!" The young Peter cheered softly as he funky slowed down to take a look at the baby his mother was moving over towards his sister's waiting arms. The red-haired little girl tensed up slightly before gently taking her sister into her arms. She was scared to hold her.

"Now, Pietro, be patient, don't want you getting too excited and accidentally dropping your sister now, do we?" Silver hair fell into the young boy's face as he shook his head, an obvious frown rooted deeply upon his face as the boy looked down at his converse-covered feet.

His sister, Wanda, had soon placed the baby in a now still Pietro's arms and laughed softly as the boy immediately froze up.

--

The soft laughed seemed to echo on as the memory faded. The Wanda not from those memories gasped softly as she came too, it was beautiful memory to watch, but also felt too painful to have brought forth on her own.

Peter's cries had now stopped, his fingers which had been painful pulling at his dishwater grey hair had long since stopped, now they laid out of the hard grown before him.

The two sat in silence for some time, neither wanting to speak up before the other. One feeling too guilty for entering the mind of the other and the other, the other still trying to work past the emotions of a brother who'd been dead to this world for years.

"I think I know why you're here." Wanda soon broke the deafening silence as she smoothed out the material of her jeans. She had been working on this conclusion every since she had picked through Peter's mind in the search for that one memory. Without meaning to she had touched upon several others, others that pointed to Peter being her brother and towards his twin being herself, it was a thought that seemed too far fetched, but after experiencing the strange powers of the Doctor during the final battle against Thanos greatly helped back up her conclusion.

"I think. I think you're from another universe. One in which you too have lost your sibling. I'm not sure how you did, I wasn't brave enough to go searching that far, but obviously in a way so traumatic that it pulled you through and to me. I have lost everyone and, and before this place, before Westview I called out for someone, anyone willing to listen." Wanda looked down in shame, her hair falling to cover her face as she began to cry. She didn't want to see the look on this man's face. He had his own life, his grief and pulling him away from it, unwilling at that, still made Wanda feel guilty. Guilty enough to try her hardest to send him back, but before she could even bring the option up, he had spoken.

"It sounds crazy, yeah, but I'm down with that. Hell, I've just lived through two whole decades with you within, what, a week? I can get past the whole, "being from a whole nother universe" all fine and dandy, and I... It's starting to come back to me, but I don't think it was you who- well okay, no scratch that out, it was originally you, I fell through and into the arms of one Agent Woo, and then boom, purple surrounded me and... Well, I don't remember much after that." Peter shrugged his shoulders and began to play with the torn strands of them jean shorts he was wearing. He had a scared smile across his lips, but he was still willing to look at his sister.

"I've been through a lot from where I'm from. And you've been through a lot from what I've seen on your brother's end, and the shit list of that has probably been expanded upon greatly! But, until we figure out how to get me back home," Peter paused and pulls Wanda into a hug. He holds the shaking woman to his chest and places a gentle kiss upon the crown of her head, "I'm going to be the twin that you need. Because we aren't supposed to live our lives without the other half. It feels like an empty gaping hole in my heart without my Wanda, and I bet you feel the same way about your Pietro."

Wanda wrapped her arms around Peter, pulling him just as close to herself as he had her, and he was right, nothing felt right without Pietro, she had been living her life pretty much in a hollow shell ever since her brother had so recklessly thrown himself before Clint as a shield and part of her, part of her will never forgive him for leaving her in this cruel world to fend for herself, but another part, another part couldn't be more proud of the hero he had become in his last living moments.

"Of course," She spoke weakly and hid her face against Peter's neck as she began to shake even harder. This was a hug she hadn't felt in years, it may be coming from someone who wasn't her brother, but the love and comfort that came from the contact felt the same. It felt like home, it felt like being whole once again.

[nagichi-boop]

Miya Chinen - BPD Headcanons

Back at it again with the mental illness headcanons. Originally I was gonna do NPD Miya headcanons but then I also realised that Miya displays a few BPD symptoms, so I thought I’d explore that first since I am more familiar with BPD than I am with NPD.

Disclaimer: I am aware that personality disorders like bpd are diagnosed later in life. This theory is more just a casual exploration of the bpd traits Miya displays.

Spoilers ahead

Also, if Ad*m is a trigger for you, maybe skip this one because his name will come up quite a lot in this post and I will not be censoring his name for the remainder of this post.

Without further ado, here’s the headcanons!

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment; (not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior)

When Miya’s old friends rejected him, he was deeply hurt. From then on he pushes everyone away, instead viewing friendship as a burden more than a blessing, perhaps out of a fear of being abandoned again. When he sees Reki and Langa, he is confused as to why he is suddenly reminded of his past, but my assumption is that he was secretly jealous of what they had as he was alone. Then when Reki stood up to Adam, suddenly his world changed. He started to associate with Reki and Langa more and more, him being especially interested in Reki. He went from considering Reki as inferior to being genuinely concerned about him (more on that in a bit).

Later on though, Reki goes missing and Miya begins to act somewhat cold to others (such as Langa). When he eventually sees Reki, he is deeply upset that he stopped showing up without saying anything. Despite his hurt, Miya tried to put it behind him, instead asking him to come back. Reki refuses and pushes past Miya, who yells out for Reki to wait. Then when he keeps running, he gets upset because Reki has “abandoned” him.

As an extra note, when Adam calls Miya “empty”, he gets deeply hurt by this, perhaps because it feels like the one person who respected him or had any connection with him has seemingly lost interest. Thank you Reki for stepping in ily

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation

When it comes to his relationship with Reki and Langa, they tend to fluctuate quite rapidly. At first Miya almost despises them because of how close they are, jealous of their friendship. However after having Reki stand up for him, his attitude towards them shifts. Suddenly Reki is someone he wants to be around, someone he deeply cares about, even if he doesn’t show it very well.

When Reki stops showing up, that’s all Miya can think to ask Langa about and he seems to be somewhat cold towards Langa, whether that’s because he feels closer to Reki or has a suspicion that Langa is why Reki isn’t there. After all, Reki is the one who stood up to him, not Langa.

Then when he finally finds Reki, he is desperate to have him stay. But as soon as Reki runs off, all the good feelings towards Reki drop and Miya calls him a liar. When he comes back, Miya once again views Reki with admiration and care, to the point that he is the only one who is vocally and visibly concerned about Reki during his race against Adam, yelling at Reki to stop and begging Joe to stop the race.

3. Markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Miya views himself as superior to others, likening himself to the hero of the story. When he loses to Langa and is called empty by Adam, however, he seems to have a major shift in perception, perhaps feeling deeply hurt to the point of feeling like he has nothing to offer. Skating is his bragging point, so to have lost to a rookie and be discarded by the person who had expectations of you - that has to do something to your self esteem.

He is shown quite a few times to let down his guard and be more humble, which shows that he doesn’t always view himself above others. For instance, when he told Reki not to skate against Adam, he did so likely out of a mix of concern and low self esteem, not wanting Reki to get hurt because of him (or at least that’s how I see it).

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (eg, spending, s*x, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating); (not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior)

Miya doesn’t fit this criteria. He tends to think through things a lot more and actually tends to err on the side of caution a lot more than his family peers do.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

Again, this one doesn’t really apply. Moving on-

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Miya’s mood can change quite frequently. Let’s take his beef with Langa for example. He starts off feeling confident, viewing the beef more like a walk in the park than an actual competition. Then when he is reminded of his past, he suddenly becomes frustrated and that’s reflected in his increased focus in the beef. When he sees Langa attempting a dangerous move, he stops, immediately calling out expressing his concern for Langa despite previously being cold towards him. Having lost to Langa, Miya becomes upset, then is angered by Reki flicking him. He then becomes overwhelmed and happy (though he doesn’t immediately show it) that Reki promises not to abandon Miya, even laughing at Reki’s antics. When Adam enters and calls Miya empty, his mood immediately shifts to intense anxiety and upset.

In just that one instance, Miya fluctuates between various extremes of emotion - anger, upset, joy - all within a relatively short amount of time.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

When watching the video of Miya practicing, Reki makes a comment that Miya doesn’t look happy. In fact, he tends to put on a fake smile and smug persona when actually he is lonely and hurt. The passion he had for skating has disappeared, but he continues because it’s what he is good at - the people around him can all see that. Despite that, the enjoyment has gone. But when Reki comes around and is soon joined by the others, he seems to enjoy skating a lot more and that emptiness is less frequent.

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

Miya is shown to have quite a short fuse. I don’t really have much of an elaboration, so here’s a small list of sorts of the times he has easily snapped.

His jealously causes him to feel resentment towards Reki and Langa. Remembering his past experiences with his friends also caused him to feel more upset and caused him to be more focused on the beef against Langa. When Langa misquotes something Miya says, he gets angry at Langa, partially out of embarrassment. At the beach when everyone is fussing over Joe, Miya’s annoyance gets channeled into him sabotaging Joe though my theory is he somewhat did this because he noticed Reki was annoyed. As previously mentioned, Miya got mad at Reki for pushing him aside and abandoning him. There’s probably more examples but hopefully my point is made.

His anger never really shows up as physical aggression. It’s usually in the form of insults or showing off with his skating.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Once again, I have little to no evidence for this. However, it’s possible that Miya’s flashback mid-beef with Langa could have been a form of dissociation as he even comments ‘why am I remembering this now?’ But more likely this just isn’t a symptom he experienced.

x

Anyways, this post was kind of more projection. I think that even if Miya doesn’t fully have bpd, he most definitely has traits of it, the most notable features being about his fears and responses to abandonment (real or perceived).