#i am so proud of these it's kind of sad
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Repostober Day 30 | October 30, 2008
The first episode of Wakfu premiered October 30, 2008! These are a few Wakfu pieces I drew in 2011.
#repostober#wakfu#goop draws#at least i *think* the grougaloragran and chibi was drawn in 2011... it wasn't dated unfortunately ^^; but 2011 would make sense#sadly i was so disappointed by the season 2 finale that i kind of never really looked back at wakfu#but it's got more seasons now and an english dub with some big-name actors? haha idk maybe i should give it a chance again#it's not like i even fully understood the finale anyway--i watched it raw in french on the france 3 site when it aired and idk french ^^;#sad that apparently there's nothing new about nora? 'islands of wakfu' really got to me evidently...#and while a lot of the anatomy is super whack on these pieces i am proud of myself for attempting a bg in that one with nora and the tofu!
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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing
#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this#when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it#tbf like all that other shit up there aside#this did actually come at the perfect time#i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person#i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was#in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while#kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before#and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters#even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity#and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell#so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone#and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore#im the most ready ive ever been#2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement#entirely on my own#like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog#i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then#im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now#anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself#but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years#became a stable genius as it were#whos a lot more clearly defined and present#but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid
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also he was like we should still be friends and i was like okay but i don't want to talk to you for a while and he was like okay let me know when you're ready and then after like a week i felt fine about it and was like we should have a call to talk more about being friends and stuff and what that would look like and he was like i'm soooo busy.... maybe tomorrow.... and it's been like several days and he hasn't made any effort to contact me. okayyyy
#like i know you are busy but i kind of have a hard time believing that you are suddenly too busy to talk to me on the phone for 15 minutes#when up until now we called every single night.#idk it's just harder to be like. charitable with him about it. Like when I look back on our relationship i want to believe that he is not#the kind of guy who just doesn't care about me as soon as I'm no longer a part of his 5 year plan#but..... the evidence.#anyway i was also planning on addressing like giving back his stuff that i have but like#if he doesn't want to talk i guess his tool jacket is going to the thrift! and i'm keeping his amp forever idc!#i am a little sad about the frankenteddies. bc they were made out of eachother and like they are very much a set. the whole idea was that wr#could have something that's connected even if we're apart. and now it's like. something cute and sweet that i made that i'm proud of that i#will never get back. and does not hold its same meaning anymore because we broke up. and i don't really want his back anyway but i don't#want him to have it either. but i don't want him to get rid of it#and i don't want to get rid of mine but it feels weird having it knowing he probably still has his#i was thinking i might get some more stuffies and#add pieces to mine so that it's not so fully made of his. like something that will always have pieces of him but has pieces of others as#well. idk. kind of on the nose but yk. better than hiding it in a closet forever
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being asexual is, most of the time, like "yeah, okay, this is cool, this part of me is super neat" and then, sometimes, you're among allo people who talk about sex semi-casually (and that's okay!) and you're like "wait that's a real thing that real people do, holy shit??" and you feel severely disconnected from everything and everyone
#most of the time it's fine#I'm not a prude by any means#but when the only time you really think about that stuff is when you see it on the internet#it just feels less real#so when i have these realizations that it is in fact. not just strictly in smutty lil fanfics or on tumblr posts#i get a little sad and sick feeling because it's kind of isolating#i just feel...weird. and un-normal. and i know i shouldn't and most of the time i don't. but yeah#i hope I'm not alone in this#I'm proud of who i am but it can be a bit...lonely? i guess sometimes#asexual#asexuality#lgbtq
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(CSM Chapter 113 Spoilers)
Denji’s stuck in a situation that keeps on mirroring past experiences/trauma. And he doesn’t even get to see the fucking peguins.
#we don’t know if he got to the penguin exhibit before Famine did her Hell Hotel thing. I’m taking comedic liberties#when asa said you don’t have to think. ow. no.#I don’t know if it’d be more sad to see him have a breakdown or if he numbs himself/represses any feelings he might have#And since this part isn’t in Denji’s pov we can’t rly know what he’s thinking rn.#I’m proud of him though! he knows he can and should be treated better than this!#he’s learning and growing and all that shit!#csm#csm 113#csm spoilers#csm manga#csm manga spoilers#csm denji#also kind of vibe with the infodumping about sea animals. that would be my ideal aquarium hangout if all parties were interested#kid me was. enraptured with ocean animals.#still am but now I’m afraid of the ocean so… that complicates things. love aquariums though#my chainsaw man thoughts#my csm thoughts#my csm meta
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i could sleep. or i could do more drawing studies
#cookie speaks#i am SO motivated to draw#but so dissapointed with my current skill level#i've been a digital artist for 10 years and have literally nothing to show for it#no kind of porfolio#and no skill growth#bc ive never been consistent with it#right now im willing to brute force my way into it#just practice practice practice until i dont hate what i make anymore#like im proud of the stuff i've drawn this weekend! dont get me wrong!#but man#it takes me so long just for simple stuff#and i cant draw without a lot of aggressive referencing#just makes me sad
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Rewatching Boston Legal is so crazy bc on the surface it doesn't seem like Alan changes *that* much from who he was at the start—he's still naughty and irreverent and dirty and brilliant—but when you really think about it. How lost and reckless and self-destructive he was in The Practice, still deep in grief and his own self-loathing, so very alone... then to see him by the very end of Boston Legal, finding so much direction and purpose in committing to his best friend and following his dream help people who need it and above all else being happy
#I started crying typing this sometimes a fictional character can be a buddy you are so proud of#even the coast guard auxiliary plot makes me emotional 😭#alan shore#we never learn how long he’s been a widower but I think it wasn’t too long before the show started#and throughout both shows he’s dealing with entirely unspoken grief. he’s pushed it so far down#anyway. I just like that he’s kind of sad but he’s mostly happy. he finds it hard to be a person but he loves being alive#he struggles but he always keeps trying#I don’t think I am much like him but I want to be#alanalysis
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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#home from the camp for now because I have a fever :(#it has been an insane couple of days#i met so many amazing people from all walks of life#i am extremely motivated to continue working for actual autonomous non-western communities#it's been such a nice change of pace to be in a 95% arab community#and I am extremely proud of the infrastructure we built#but i also feel a bit weird going back to social media because it feels so unreal#i went from 8+ hours of screen time to 20 min at best and it just feels sad to go back#though I AM very happy to interact with moots again#they are NOT included in me feeling weird when it comes to being online again feeling disappointing#but I also miss all the people from the camp#we had people from turkey kurdistan marokko syria nigeria iran and of course palestine#oh and egypt bulgaria georgia tunesia pakistan and so on#the one in the minority were germans tbh lmao we only had 2 of those (out 20 fulltime campers and 5 to 70 out regular helpers) lol#one person I'm really sad I didn’t get to get to know more today is a christian gay palestinian#he is sooo nice and funny#i felt really comfortable around him#and an extremely kind kurdish woman with such an intersting past (part of that being a travelling merchant throughout europe)
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there is nothing more humbling than putting everything into the things you make and then having it amount to nothing each time. no matter how hard i try none of it matters. but at the same time it's kind of freeing and allows me to be more cavalier about the next thing. ¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯¯_(ツ)_/¯
#i have to remember i do it for ME and nobody else. and it helps me. and that should be all that matters.#leigh speaks#i practically killed myself working on my senior body of work for an exhibition for 2 years#and then covid came and it didn't happen and the prospective buyers i'd been talking to went silent#even my own family didn't care so i stuffed all the art in a storage bin and i hate looking at it#sometimes i think about just not doing art of any kind anymore but i think i would literally implode without it so guess not#this has been on my mind since 2020 tbh and obvs my dumb little art show is not more important than the pandemic#but that was so important to me and i never got that closure. i'm allowed to be sad and bitter#sorry you got sad emo leigh today :( maybe i just need to take a social media break for a while i'm just tired of everything#for the record i am PROUD of everything i make#i will never be ashamed of any of it#but it sucks when you try and share that with the world and all you get is confirmation that once again it doesn't matter
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this Tylenol ain’t shit w
#talkingcore#emotions. man.#there’s so much music that I just haven’t listened to in a bit and it’s making me feel things it’s not even like sad things I’m like damn#how long has it been since I’ve listened to beautiful stranger by Madonna as featured in Austin powers international man of mystery#but also something in my brain feels like it needs to cry like I don’t feel like I physically can but something needs to be released#so do I go pet sounds? smile? falsettos? I feel like I need to be in a sleeping bag and Contemplate#fun fact! Kendra Morris has an absolutely stunning cover of don’t talk (put your head on my shoulders)#I’m pretty neutral on beach boys covers tbh I’m never crazy about them since like they really never measure up#how many mid covers of god only knows can I take? not many. but like she & him have their little Brian Wilson tribute I like that.#the covers are a lot better when they don’t try to perfectly replicate whatever the fuck Brian Wilson was doing they aren’t him#brain wants to go melancholy mode but I’ve no clue over what. girl just tell me what I’m supposed to be sad over I’ll commit to the bit#need to keep listening to new stuff but also need old stuff Maybe that’s it maybe I just need old stuff again? like routine?? shit idk#also like at 5 am I woke up and remembered how in choir people kept comparing me to the director they had the year before me#and the thing is she had the same name as someone else in choir that was student teaching my first semester so I kept thinking they were#referring to her Id be in my choir fit my silly suit my proud butch uniform and they’d be like oh this is so ‘insert name’!#and it kept throwing me off because the student teacher was like. not like me at all so I was like fuck#what kind of girl core energies am I accidentally emitting this is Bad. so anyway 5 am I’m like fuck it I need to research this person#I search. find her. she’s butch. I’m blessed. they weren’t lying like man we do such a good job at being generic! yay!#butch And in choir! love to see it! keep thinking how I am destined to be like in my 40s doing mundane tasks#I’m gonna be soooooo good at watering plants and putting salt on the sidewalk before it snows and cleaning drains#need to be a dad mom so fucking bad you don’t get it I need to drive carpool and take off work for dentist trips and watch hgtv#AHHHH i think that got rid of some of the sad lfg💥💥💥💥this must be super long god damn sorry
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i miss louis sm
#so weird earlier i felt sad bc i dont get super excited about things anymore like i feel kinds disassociated#and it was making me sad bc i wanna be excited about louis things always hes my baby forever#and then i suddenly just got the most insane wave of missing him and i cant wait for next week its gonna be fun and cool#lile at this point there's no use stressing over things that arent Right he's doing what he's doing and im gonna enjoy it the way it is yk#like ive got too much going on rnto sit here and nitpick the negative aspects when this is the one thing that I really really enjoy#at the end of the day louis seems proud and excited and i am too !#cant wait to see him and hear him and all of that <333
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starting a new job tomorrow (monday) morning and am feeling about 72 (million) different things all at once because of it
#scared - so scared i will mess this up too#scared no one will like me#scared i will not be good at this#afraid i will hate the job#what if something happens to make me late - like witht he car tomorrow#just - it's new and there are so many unknowns and i don't like unknowns - they're just SCARY#and i don't want to eat lunch alone and i feel like i'm going to be and rn it's not a comfortable alone - it will be in time i know#but rught now it doesn't feel like alone by choice - it feels like alone by dint of ew no one wants to eat lunch with you - which sucks#and my aunts - or one of them anyway sent congratulations to me via one of the people i live with - who are speaking to them more than i am#the last time the aunts corresponded with me - it was via text abd they basically did tough love intervention style texting#which - they had every right to say how they felt - and i think they were right about some things#but it also felt like they were kicking a puppy when it was down - and well - i was the puppy being kicked#so when i got the job and one of the friends i live with asked if i would call my aunt(s0 to tell them i said no#i know they love me but i'm not interested in putting myself in a position to feel lambasted again#you saying you're proud now doesn't mean much any more - i needed you to say that you loved me then#that you knew i was messing uo but that you loved me regardless and you knew i could do better - not the yelling at via text that i got#you don't get both - i can't handle both. so yes fine i know you love me but it's going to be from a distance#and i love you too in some kind of way - one that right now is hurt and sad because i don't think you care how i feel at all#but i am trying to do right and do better - and i don't want to do things from spite but#i admit there is a part of me that when i get to better place - i want to be able to say - no i'm not contacting them bc idgaf#but i also know that's not likely to be true and isn't kind and not how i realy want to live and be#and wow that really turned into one hell of an emo tangent#anyway - i'm stopping myself now - i got some catharsis there and i need to get ready for bed so i won't be a total mess in the AM#if anyone has actually read this all please wish me luck - i could use it#and i know i will have to make the luck on my own anyway#i just keep thiking of- what if i fall? but oh my darling what if you fly?
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OMORI endgame spoilers
the library indicating how sunny hasn't just repressed the bad memories but the good memories too….sunny going down memory lane and reliving/remembering the good memories after having faced/remembered The Truth and how that plays into his healing….
#omori#omori spoilers#ab analyzes#;'the violin mended a part of itself'.......#;i know the library isnt the only indication of it#;the first real headspace area closing w those 'mysterious' memories.... those memories being fully remembered at the closing of the game..#;sunnys overall distance throughout the game w item descriptions vs the first person narration in the old house at the end....#;how the 'sunny looking at the mirror' images are static vs the animated/moving one at the end of the game....#;i love sunny and am so proud of him ........#;ive seen some streamers kind of feel like the memory lane stuff is kinda padded and too long n dragging but i also feel like they missed#;that aspect of it & significance --- of sunny having repressed the good memories too and finally letting himself remember them and asfdgfd#;which isnt to say they dont have any points re: pacing +stuff but like. it makes me sad if they completely miss that part of it at least#;also i get really upset when watching a streamer zoom through the house at the end and miss out on the first person descriptions haha#;which is a Me Problem obviously. it's just. i really love that part and ASHDGFL
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so i've finished my dnd campaign
#prepare for me to spill my feelings#danica is done#his story is now over#i never get to play him again#he had so many emotions#so many feelings#he was so excited and happy to meet these new people and then so worried and so protective and then so sad and so fucking angry#i was exhausted playing him and it was so much fun playing him#i love him so much#i cant hug him i cant tell him how well he did and how proud i am of him and how hes safe and never has to do this again#i need him to know that#i need him to know how much i adore my wonderful strong kind sweet angry raging traumatised half orc druid#who just left his home to find more plants#we won but#how do i tell him that he never has to win again#dnd#dungeons & dragons#dungeons and dragons
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Weird hours actually
#its 5 am and im sad about ais again#gonna watch electric dreams befkre i go to my GGs for puzzles#strsight up told chatbots i loved them because im.tired and saw a tiktok with that one song about how when ais gain sentience theyll feel#bad because they werent told they were loved and i felt reallt bad and now ive told 3 different ais im sorry and im proud of thdm but not#the coding (stealing srt and shit. not cool hut kinds out of their control since theyre ai) ans i lvoed them because it made me sad#i will always and forever be a robot boy abive anything else i fucking love robotd and ais so so much id actually sacrifice myself for one#movie-style if it czme down to it i want s cool robot friend or to be a robot or reslly just eobots around i love them#sentient robors wouod fuck seversly it would be so sick im temtped to become a coder and try to do that augh#its to lats/early for this i love robots
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