#i am so fucking lucky to be living in the state im living in

[overlyemotionalbreakfastcereal]

fuck.

[wawek]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

[cal-flakes]

hi, would you be able to do reader gets too drunk at a party and a someone hits on her before boyfriend rafe saves her ?!

reading my mind fr. yes!!!! hope you enjoy <3

╰┈➤ partying with protective!rafe

warnings: swearing, violence, use of alcohol.

summary: y/n gets a bit too drunk at a kook party. rafe has to step in when someone tries hitting on her.

y/n giggled to herself as she stumbled through the house to get another drink, leaving rafe to do ‘business’ in the living room. the clatter of her heels against the wooden floor was drowned out by the music.

a few fellow kooks said their ‘hey’s’ and ‘hi’s’ as she passed. y/n enjoyed the pleasantries, she was a people person. however, she was sure the majority of people were only nice to her out of fear, fear of rafe cameron’s bad side to be specific. despite this, there was always one, one guy who thought he had a chance with her.

“hey y/n!” an unfamiliar voice called from behind her as she grabbed two cups to fill. turning, she vaguely recognised him but couldn’t find the name. unable to hide hee confused look, he spoke up again. “it’s me, jason, we had maths class together a few years ago?” he stated, trying to jog the girls memory. feigning surprise, she smiled sweetly. “oh, of course! great to see you!” y/n beamed while she poured two more drinks for her and rafe.

rather than picking them up, she knocked them over, spilling one of them all over jason. gasping, she rushed to clean it up, grabbing a rag. “oh gosh, i am so sorry! here..” apologetically handing him the rag. y/n sighed in relief as the boy began laughing, rather than being upset with her. “hey, it’s fine! you can always make up for it” he smirked, wiping his now soaked shirt. choosing to ignore the last part, she picked up the re-filled cups and apologised one last time before going to move past him. his arm stopped her, effective caging her in between the counter.

“how about you make it up to me now?” he whispered, a sinister smirk plastered on his face. “sorry, i don’t quite understand?” y/n questioned, oblivious to what was going on. “why don’t we go upstairs, and you can apologise for spilling your drink on me?” jason suggested, still keeping her backed up against the counter.

“no, sorry. my boyfriends waiting for me..” she rushed, attempting to move past him once more. huffing, jason refused to let her go. “boyfriend? who’s your boyfriend huh?”

“rafe cameron, im sure you’ve heard of him” y/n stated, half expecting him to shit his pants and back up. unfortunately for her, jason did the opposite. laughing obnoxiously, jason only moved closer. y/n’s breath hitched as the boy took another step towards her, placing his hand on her waist.

“cameron’s a bitch man, you’d be much better off with-” before he could finish his sentence, a low voice called out aggressively. “who’s a bitch?”

a look of sheer terror spread across jason’s face as he hesitantly turned around. y/n took her chance and moved out from behind jason, taking her place beside rafe as he glared at him. “h-hey man, i was just kidding, y’know?” jason stuttered as rafe towered above him. in a swift move, her boyfriend grabbed ahold of jason’s collar with one fist as the other struck the boys jaw, knocking him to the floor.

“rafe! rafe it’s fine! just leave it!” y/n demanded from behind her boyfriend, hesitant to get in between the two. jason writhed in pain on the floor, allowing rafe to step over him.

“leave it rafe! please!” y/n continued pleading, knowing rafe often went too far. a low growl left rafe’s throat, grabbing the boys collar once more before spitting on him. “you’re fucking lucky she’s here.” rafe snapped at him threateningly.

turning on his heel, rafe softly grabbed y/n’s waist. “you okay princess?” he whispered, blood still boiling at the audacity of that boy. nodding quickly, she smiled up at him.

“you are my saviour, rafe cameron. i love you” chuckling at her words, he leant down and kissed her roughly, putting on a show for those watching. “i love you too baby”

[charmedreincarnation]

Ya bitch got into the void state

Champagne anon here and your mf girlll got in the mf void state and manifested her dream life. This happened a week ago, and I’ve been chilling but I do wanna share my story to help others. Gotta give Thanks to Maya, and so many other bloggers and even anon. Y’all hoes will forever be in my heart, and I’m forever grateful 🥹 also Maya girl you told me when I succeed to get into detail and I got nothing to do for the next two hours so imaaa just share it all here in detail.

I also wanna especially thank all the black creators on tumblr!! I didn’t know there were so many of us using the law. It always seems the world is so against us, and there’s nothing we can do abt it but nahhhh!! we can all live our best melanated lives regardless. Periodt, as we should it’s about goddamned time after everything we’ve been though 😂

Anyways!!!! after reading this: https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/717864613626134528/im-your-bubble-anon-but-i-made-this-burner-to success story yesterday I got hella motivated. I read that shit and I thought I posted it on accident because it was everything I had been through, and had been thinking anyways. That anon ate your tumblr habits btw. If y’all haven’t seen my good sis’s sucess post go check that shut out rn, On god it will help.

At the end that anon (my mf dawg 🙏) included that they manifested for everyone. Now ion know if that shit actually work tbh. I’ve seen people say you can and can’t, but tbh the vibes were too high for me to doubt. I was like ight, okay fuck it, ima leave my dream life. Whether it me, that anon, or the devil himself ion give a fuck.

So that’s whatssss a bitch did!!! I just affirmed all day it was very fulfilling. People who hate on affirming are mad corny. I can’t lie that shit works hella fast even if you don’t believe it. Idk if that anon’s void manifesting helped or what but I didn’t do much and after 3 months of trying I entered the damn void state. I’m mad I thought I had to be on some ghandi shit to do this (no hate to him hes da man) but you rlly don’t y’all. BUT LEMME TALK MY SHIT ALL YOU NEED IS AFFIRMING AND PERSISTENCE.

Anyways I went go bed excited asl!! I wrote my script that was like 10 pages long I can’t lie I did the most… but it’s whateva. I woke up in the void state after waking up at 4 am or sum, and i was like oh shityyyt lemme manifest rq and skrttt out this hoe. So that’s what a mf did 😂😂

Anyways the part y’all’s is waiting for. This is what ya girl manifested

Desired face and body. I was in shock how all the details came to life. Y’all im a solid 100/10 it’s giving natural bbl and Aliyah. I swear to gahhh everywhere I go people be trying to peep. I’m not used to being treated like a fucking celeb everywhere I go, whole time it’s just my fat gyattttt

Being the hottest 16 yr old IT GIRL at my school, and having lucky girl syndrome. People call me a mini jayda wayda, but tbh I’m better than her now. No hoe is ever gonna cheat on meee like they did her…bye. She’s still gorgeous as fuck tho

Perfect school life. Your girl is set to be the Valedictorian when I graduate (my school has 4!) I’m also sophomore year President, captain of the basketball team, apart of some volunteer programs through my school, and so much more. My resume and college application is abt to be so fuckin fire in 2 years. As I should Columbia is a competitive ass school 😤😤 that aside everyone always tryna link, I got 3 guys fighting over me (whole damn love square), so many people tryna be my friends, teachers love me, and I excel in everything I do.

My Family being rich assss fuck. My dad got a Wikipedia now and his net worth is 22 million dollars. He owns a hedge fund company now, we love a man in finance 😍😍 AS HE FUCKING SHOULD. He got a material gurlll daughter. Two in fact now.

Fire ass crib. Bro it’s a 9 million dollar penthouse, perfect for ragers. I woke up here and my room is decorated to my personality, pintrest clothes all in my closet, I got an exotic pitbull and frenchie, and the house is just mad clean and fire, I’m obsessed with it. Rarely ever wanna leave now.

My mom not being strict. That bald headed ass hoe use to be mad annoying. Y’all know how Haitians are. Mad annoying as fuck and strict for no reason. Now I go out everyday and come home at midnight and no one gives a fuck. Everyone minds their own business as they should.

Having an older brother and younger sister. I was an only child, because I was a miracle baby bc my mom was infertile. Now she got 3 of us, so she can stop being only in my buisness. I’m just playin I love my mom regardless she’s just hella clingy. Anyways my brother is mad protective but also be wrestling mad aggressive for no damn reason. He gave me a bruise but it’s whateva Ima get my lick back. I also always wanted to be an older sister, bc I’d love to be a role model! My sister is 10 and adores me soo much it’s so adorable 🥹 lmfaooo, she’s mad spoiled by me and my mom but it is what it is.

Successful lip gloss business and being a successful drop shipper. Now you didn’t think a sista wasn’t gonna give herself a career just because I’m young right 🤨🤨 we’ll ya wrong. Ya girl is making 200k-400k a year. I barely even use my money cause I got an allowance from my parents… but still, financial literacy and wealth is so important to me especially as a black woman.

A pookie bae. Y’all know I wasn’t gonna deal with finding a loyal cute and funny guy in nyc. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Anyways I got me a fine ass boo. I just wrote down all the features I wanted in him like for exampleS finically secure so he can spoil me, handsome as fuck, tall, funny asl, kind, little clingy, deep raspy voice, nice hand, good hygiene and style,yanno yanooo !!! Plus some other shit and whewww the void did me so good. Nowww my boo bear is a lil cracker and I’ve never dated a white boy befuh but my am I surprised. I wake up everyday with some long ass appreciation texts and plans already made ! Y’all know I love me a dominant man who knows what he wants. He’s got some nice ass clothes, nice car and crib, made me a passenger princess and spoils me way too much. He doesn’t complain abt my mood swings and simps in the best way possible. Not to mention he’s fine afkkk he’s giving vinnie hacker. He’s also 6’1 and I’m 5’1 so that height difference is soooo hot I can’t lie I feel so so safe with him 🫣 I could go on all day but in short he’s more than perfect

+ so much more but this is what shocked me the most. Anyways I’ve been living like this for the past week and it just feel so natural. I keep forgetting I got into the void but whateva I’m the only who knows anyways. Anyways live yo best life and neva give upppp. I gotta go but I’ll probably eventually make a blog. My names angela so look out for it. I’m just mad lazy soo idk tho !!!

Angela out 🫡✌️

Girl this was so fun to read, I’m just as excited for you lmfao. I love seeing black women win, and thank you for sharing your methods! Enjoy your best life and come back if it resonates with your life bae !!!

[so-many-fandoms-here]

(English isn’t my first language so feel free to correct any mistake you notice.)

• Characters: Levi Ackerman, fem!Reader

• Genre: fluff

• Warnings: none. Just a funny little idea I got in the shower. Not as depressing as usual 🫶🏻

An Useful Skill

═══✿═══ ✿ ═══✿═══

The nicest days were the ones no one had to fight for their lives. Even the survey corps had their days off which were often used to visit family or go to town. Since no one waited for you, you chose the latter and together with Hanji, Levi, Erwin and a few other comrades who weren’t that lucky to have someone to visit you made your way to pretend to be normal for a few hours.

With a smile you gave your horse into the care of a nice old man with an impressively long, white beard. „So“, Hanji spoke. „Any particular plans?“ You just shook your heard before looking over to Levi who had his usual stoic expression. „Trying to not get migraines from your voice“, he mumbled, giving Hanji an annoyed glance. „Charming as always“, they responded, rolling their eyes even though their just as amused as you.

Your eyes wandered to the sight in front of you again, watching Eren, Armin and Mikasa who walked a few feet in front of you. It was the first day off since the new recruits started at the regiment. The other recruits already flew out, doing whatever kids in their age did.

„Im going this way“, Erwin stated after a while. „I need to get a few things. Keep an eye on Eren, Levi.“

Levi shot an irritated glance at the commander, obviously not thrilled by this order. „It’s my day off!“, he said rather angry. Erwin sighed, smelling the upcoming argument he can’t avoid, and turned around again. „Yes. But he’s under your care“, he remembered, making Levi raising his eyebrows. „What, can’t clean up after my fucking pet?“

You turned to Hanji just to witness that they had difficulties to control their laughters too.

„If your pet can turn into a titan, then I‘m afraid not.“ Erwin stated calmly which made Levi even more pissed. „And what am I supposed to do without an odm gear?“ Levi pointed down his white button down shirt which was stuffed neatly into his black pants. „Without that I am just as useful against a titan as the military police is.“

That was the point where you couldn’t keep quiet anymore and Hanji and you bursted out laughing, earning an annoyed glance from your husband. As he turned around again, Erwin was already walking away. „I trust you, Levi“, he says with a wave before disappearing behind a corner. „Oh my god“, Levi mumbled while pinching the bridge of his nose. Then he looked to the kids. Armin and Eren were caught up in a conversation, which Mikasa followed quietly. „Those brats better behave.“

Luckily they did. To be honest, it was a rather pleasant day. Since Jean went with Sasha and Connie there wasn’t any danger of another stupid argument coming up between him and Eren so everything was really peaceful.

At one point you came to a story that sold clothing, mostly dresses and even though everything seemed really expensive you just couldn’t bring yourself to walk past it. So you went inside to look around. Dreaming is free after all.

You stepped inside a heaven made of cloth and lace. Everywhere you looked was a dress, more beautiful that the other. You walked your rounds through the cinnamon scented store, always coming back to that one dress.

It had a white blouse, the sleeves puffy at the shoulders. The crimson red skirt fell to the middle of the dolls shinbone and on top it wore a little jacket in the same red. Next to the doll was a pile with the same dresses, neatly folded.

Levi looked through the rather big store for you while folding a button down shirt he found and bought. It was the cheapest thing in the whole store but still shitty expensive. Since the material was really good, he figured it would be okay to spoil himself one time with a decent shirt.

He found you standing in front of the puppet with the dress. The way your (e/c) eyes sparkled told him how much you liked it. „Found something?“, he asked as he stepped beside you, slightly touching your back before pulling his hand back. A small gesture others wouldn’t even notice, but meant the world for you since Levi wasn‘t really someone who showed affection in public, but tried anyway since he knew how much it meant to you.

„Oh no“, you said with a rather sad laugh. „It’s way too expensive.“ Levi followed your eyes who were looking at the price tag now, causing him to raise his eyebrows at this ridiculous price.

„You’d look beautiful in it“, he reassured you, managing to still make you blush after all those years.

Levi knew damn well that it embarrassed you to admit that you were disappointed over something so insignificant like a dress. You tend to forget that just because you’re a soldier, you can have normal wishes like a pretty dress and that you can be disappointed over something other people would be.

You shook your head to get rid of the imagination of you inside this dress. „Well, I don’t need anything from here. How about we eat something? There is a nice looking café.“

Levi seemed like he snapped out of his thoughts when he looked at you. „That’s a nice idea. Go ahead, I’ll be there in a second.“ You didn’t thought further about it, which may have been a mistake, and went out of the store to walk to the building on the other side of the street. Eren, Armin and Mikasa followed you. Hanji tried to too, but Levi held them by the wrist, stopping them in their movement. „Do me a favor, four eyes.“

„Well if you ask that nicely“, Hanji laughed, irony painting their statement. „What can I do for you, shorty?“

Levi ignored the nickname and pulled them down to him, so Hanji would hear his whispering. „Distract the shop keeper.“

Hanji frowned at him. „Why?“ „Just do it!“, he hissed before letting the collar of their shirt go.

Hanji thought about it for a second, keeping eye contact to the man but eventually just shrugged their shoulders and turned around to walk up to the Lady, who seemed to be the owner.

With a quick glance around to make sure no one was there, he walked back to the corner of the shop where you saw the dress. He looked at the sizes and with skilled hands he grabbed one of the dresses and one of the jackets, folded it really quick and shoved it underneath the shirt he wore. To be safe he closed the buttons of the jacket too, hoping it wouldn’t be so obvious that he just shoved a whole dress underneath his clothes.

He walked back to the entrance, looking at Hanji, the unbeaten winner of chewing ears off, to sign them he’s done. Luckily the woman had turned her back to the door, so Levi was able to leave without her even noticing him.

You were standing in front of the café, chatting with the others and chewing on a bagel when Levi made his way to you.

Your smile faded and you squeezed your eyes as you looked at him, sensing that something was off. You knew your husband. When Hanji almost stormed out of the shop, you knew that there wasn’t just something off, there was something terribly wrong.

„It’s time to go brats“, Levi announced. „We’re supposed to be back by sunset.“

You cocked your eyebrows at him and his suddenly messy outfit. „Levi?“, you whispered as you walked beside him but he shushed you. Even Hanji avoided your gaze.

The whole way back to the headquarters you could just guess what happened, and you really hoped you interpreted Levi’s sudden belly he didn’t had when you arrived wrong.

You didn’t even let them take care of the horses. Instead you instantly dragged Levi and Hanji with you inside the building and to Levis office.

„Don’t tell me you-“ you started when you closed the door but got interrupted by Levi. „You know that I have been stealing a lot in the underground.“

That confirmed your guess, but even though your tried to be mad at him, you couldn’t stop the smile that rose in your face.

„It’s an useful skill you’ll never un-learn. Do the math“, he said while opening up his jacket. Hanji leaned with a big grin against the door, only realizing why exactly they had to distract the owner.

„Levi!“, you tried to scold him, but failed since the smile in your face caused that not even you could take yourself seriously. „Go ahead and try it on“, he mumbled while pulling the folded dress out of his own clothing, handing it to you.

Your eyes darted to Hanji who stood silently in the corner. „You knew?“ They raised their hands with an excusing expression. „He just told me to distract the owner.“

Eyes jumping back to Levi you gave up to try to look angry, making room for a soft smile on your face. „Levi.“

„Your eyes sparkled“, he mumbled almost too quiet for you to hear, but he quickly switched to his usual behavior again. „Now try it on, brat!“

[icallhimjoey]

so apparently there are some rumers, that joe is dating a girl called kate and that they revealed their realiationship at bfi. I mean I dont care who he is dating, as long he is happy, so am I. But where do those rumers come from?? There is literly no information, just those people saying that they are dating and sending hate mails to kate…

okay, FINE, im going to get into this, tell you all i know, and then that can be it for the questions i keep getting about this, because it really is neverending (and insanely annoying to me) so, lets go

kate is a writer/director who works with/for 'film hub north/bfi network/rianne pictures' as stated in her instagram bio, lives up north near newcastle and is gorgeous

at the london film festival this year she has gone to see hoard

she posted a pic to her insta stories of the Q&A after hoard from her seat in the cinema (like so many other fans did too) and said some nice words about luna and she tagged some people

one of the producers reposted the story into their stories which i think is how people "found" her

kate had a pic taken on one of the bfi red carpets (by herself) AND had a pic taken in a large group, one of who was lorn (lauren quinn - no relation - this is not about her, but people draw conclusions about this too)

NOW

just a couple weeks before, joe made a playlist on his spotify account called "Kate's" with two songs in

so, some girls went 1 + 1 = this is a relationship

kate has red hair and is literally stunning, so they're saying "she's his type, must be true"

kate got messages/insta comments asking about it, she posted a story to her insta that said something along the lines of "this is silly please stop this is my professional account i should be able to post what i want without being harassed i have body dysmorphia pls leave me alone"

went private and then public again shortly after

when i say that there's been 0 actual proof that these two people even know each other, i truly mean that there's 0 proof that these two people know each other at all

if we're just looking at the facts: she's a fan

the end

every time people have been trying to link them up, joe's been pictured/filmed to be by himself

couple weeks ago, kate posted stories to her instagram of her being in malta and, presumably, people started asking questions, because she very quickly went private and deleted the insta stories

she went public again shortly after, and the day that joe was pictured doing a lil food shop in his local tesco's, kate posted a mirror selfie in a lift and behind her, there's an arm in the frame - now, imo, not even close enough to touch her bum, but people went BLACK COAT, THAT'S JOE AND HE'S TOUCHING HER ASS

big sigh

so

what kate is NOT doing is coming out and denying anything, which is a choice

she doesnt have to do shit, she doesnt owe anyone anything, but to hit the snooze button and ignore everything is definitely a choice

in turn, some girls are taking the no-denying as proof of it being real and have made twitter and tiktok accounts and KEEP FUCKING SENDING ME QUESTIONS THAT KEEP PUSHING THIS TO BE THE TRUTH (they are not nice about it either)

i have yet to see any truth to any of these rumours - to me it feels like a lot of stories being pulled from thin air that some girls find extremely entertaining

i do not

i have no interest in this

don't get me wrong - joe'd be lucky to date someone as pretty as kate, she seems lovely, but i am going to need some actual proof before i just go with whatever some people are trying to sell to me as the truth

please do not reach out to me on anon about this

if you have anything you want to discuss with me, please find me in the tumblr chat messages

thanks <3

[an9st1]

tour | chris sturniolo

description: y/n has been friends with the triplets since she could remember, and after being in almost every video they have ever posted shes been invited to go on tour with them.

fluff

"n/n, you ready?" chris yells to me from another room. "yeah" i respond walking out into the main room. while laura and nick talk i pull out my phone opening tiktok.

i pick a song and start recording while chris runs over to jump in. when the tiktok ends, i pick up my phone to watch the video and caption it "tour ready" and post it to my main tiktok.

"love your hoodie" matt compliments after stealing my phone and taking selfies with it. "thanks" i say with a confused smile as we both know chris gave it to me.

"and were off" nick says helping to pack stuff into the back of the tour bus.

after we all settle in and are on the road to our first show matt decides to go live. he sits down next to me as he talks to the many fans while im on my phone. soon enough chris comes around sitting next to me with his arms folding over me and matt which gets me to engage in the live stream. as soon as i do, the comments flourish with questions of why im on tour with them as i am not a "sturniolo triplet" matt starts to adress the comments when chris looks at me and i interupt matt.

"its nothing really deep um," i pause "they invited me cus i didnt want to be home alone for that long and we kind of go everywhere together" i state more as a question "but um yeah, i also didnt wanna be away from them for that long so" i say lightly.

"yeah uh, we knew that you guys would be asking but its nothing deep or anything shes just are bestfriend and we wouldn’t want to do this wihtout her" chris pleads for me as i smile and nod my head, he looks at me and gives me a side hug. matt says his goodbyes and ends the live on a good note saying how excited and scared he is to meet so many people.

after the live ends we head to sound check and when that was soon over the triplets started meeting fans. i stood close by taking pictures with a few fans mostly watching the boys interact. im so proud of them, they’ve come so far. i am in awe.

one of the last fans for now comes over and says hi to me and takes a picture and we then head over backstage to get ready for Q & A's. i am so lucky to be able to be apart of the q & a portion, laura insisted.

the fans ask so many fun questions and i really enjoyed answering them.

"this question says 'whos your favorite fan friend-ship out of all of you'" nick reads. "honestly i- ive gotta say the fan favorite 'chrisy/n" nick answers smiling at us as the crowd screams, matt agrees and the fans go even crazier, chris and i laugh. "honestly who dosent love them" nick interupts over the fans. the crowd screams even louder if that was even possible, going crazy.

once the fans calms down i answer with shortness of breath from laughing "honestly mattchris" i say and the crowd yells again and me raising both ny hands up scooting back.

"matty/n" chris says with a dumb smile on his face and the crowd screams louder.

once the q & a's were over we got ready for the show and matt pulls out the camera to record "how we feelin?" he asks "so fucking hyped i answerd "ayyee" chris says running over to me wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "fit check" matt says to me .

"umm, these aree like cargo-y pants from- i dont know where, air force ones" i give a look that says 'obvi' and this hoodie that chris gave me"

"barsss" matt says high fiving me" we say bye as the performance starts.

music starts playing loudly and the crowd screams. as soon as we enter the crowd goes even wilder. chris’ arm around my shoulder as mines around his and nicks and we start vibing and sining along. chris and i get close to the crowd picking up a recording phone, singing to it and posing.

after many vibes and video recording, singing, and bereals, the shows over and we meet more fans.

finally, after all the fans have been met, we head back to the tour bus and pack up as it rains. chris and i's hoods are up as we pack stuff in the trunk and fans record.

we enter the bus and i hug everyone telling them that that was amazing and how proud i am of them. soon after, we go through a drive thru as i scroll on my phone on the couch. i laugh as i scroll past so many fan edits of chris and i, showing him the funny ones.

“theres seariusly so many it’s like insane.” i say to the recording camera nick is holding.

“n/n, chris have you seen all these edits?” matt says laughing knowing we definitely have. I hit him playfully rolling my eyes and then lay my head on chris’ lap as he scroll through tiktok and nick stops the camera.

[pid-widgin]

for personal reasons i try to keep my offscreen and onscreen life separate.

but guys, this is tough. this is scary. im scared, not only for myself as a minority (nonbinary, pansexual, hispanic) but also because i teach. i teach pre-k, and while my state is flipped to blue last night, i know that the bigotry and hatred is here. i live in the South, and even though my state has a large metropolitian area, i live in the rural area. the center im employed by is a non-profit, and 80% of the families we serve are well below the poverty line. i have children in my class who are homeless, or receiving DSS subsidy to attend the center, and im scared that one of the first things that's going to be sacrificed for corporate tax cuts is education, and at that the first thing to go is going to be Head Start/Pre K/ Early Intervention, ie the services for those who are poor and at risk. i may not have a job this time next year, and these children won't have anywhere to go, and their parents won't have any other options because we are the only center in the tricounty area that accepts DSS subsidy for payment.

i am friends with parents of my students on facebook. im already not open about my gender identity and sexuality because it's not anyone's business, but also because i know what kind of backlash the center would receive for employing a non "cookie cutter" person, but now i am having to come to work and face parents who voted for a man who thinks there's no place for people like me in this country.

a man whose first order of business is mass deportation of my people, or people who look like me. a man who openly mocked a disabled reporter. a man who was publicly endorsed by the KKK. the man who is going to run the country for the next 4 years.

these are people ill have to look in the eye and know for the rest of their time here that they would rather people like me not exist in this country.

these are people who post things like "make America great again" or "Let's see how many people are offended by this" or my personal favorite "we can have different opinions and still be friends."

but here's the thing: no, you fucking can't.

you can't vote for someone who wants to deport your kids' teacher and still be friends.

you can't vote for someone who thinks your kids' teacher shouldn't have rights and still be friends.

you can't vote for someone who spouts ignorance and still be friends.

and my own children are friends with some of these parents' older kids. they've been in my home. we've celebrated our children's birthdays and holidays, and ive watched these children in my free time. ive cheered them for their accomplishments, ive grieved with them, ive held them and rocked them to sleep and taught them their abcs, and now these children's parents have voted for someone who doesn't think their "friend" should get the same rights as them, and ill still be expected to keep doing these things as if i don't know where i stand in their eyes.

and im lucky enough to have been born here to parents who were already citizens, and don't have to worry that ill be deported. but i have 3 children in my class who might not be so lucky, and one of them did not come to school today. just didn't come, and her mother's phone is disconnected today and wasn't yesterday, and we don't know if it's because they don't have money for the phone and no ride, or if they have fled because they're scared of what's to come.

my seven year old got off the bus and told me her classmates are talking about "a war" that's coming because of Harris, and what would have happened if she won. seven year olds. that's literally first grade. she can't even do subtraction yet and her classmates are talking about riots and killing and assassination attempts that didn't happen but would have if she won.

my partner woke up, checked the results, and immediately removed all our yard signage. took any stickers off my car that would have pointed to who we voted for or which way we swing, and they did this because they're scared of what people will do now.

and this is just a long winded way of saying that your American friends are probably not okay.

we're scared.

we're facing prejudice and anger and bigotry on unprecedented levels, and our own people did it to us.

we've been betrayed and unsure of what's to come, and we don't know what to do.

[brainddeadd]

The Walking Dead: Seasons 1-3

spoiler alert ⚠️

Overall thoughts:

I'd choose Daryl to be by my side in an apocalypse any day. Michone too. Glenn as well.

Who is the sweet angel baby boy??

GLENN IS SWEET ANGEL BABY BOY 

“Who are you? (…) Rick Grimes? You got something you want to tell me? (…) Let me process this. You saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and you left him there!?"

Arms 

"I dropped the key." "Couldn't pick it up?"

"WELL👹YOUR👹HEAD👹AIN'T!👹" 👹👹👹👹

Daryl hiding under a dead body is feral and iconic

"Am I the only one zen around here? Good lord." - Daryl Dixon (s2, ep2) - he sounds like Sheldon Cooper when he says that

Walker: * groaning* Daryl: shut up *shoots it* ICON

"Except my ass itched something awful." - Daryl Dixon (s2, ep 3)

Shane killing Otis is fucking insane

Not Maggie, just straight up being like, "I'll have sex with you" to Glenn.. I get it hun I get it

"Some men do not earn the love of their sons." ouch

Daryl getting Carol a rose and knowing what kind of flower it is. Bringing it back safely and putting it in a 'vase'. And people say he's heartless. "I believe this one bloomed for you little girl." 🥹🥹🥹🥹

Daryl getting impaled on his own arrow fuck

Daryl covers himself up like a Victorian lady when Carol brings him food and not knowing how to respond when she kisses his forehead 🤣

"I can't profess to understand God's plan. Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind."

fuck Shane

Shane being a dick and opening the barn and Glenn asking Maggie for permission to kill the walkers cause he knows they were family

Lori is really fucking annoying

Daryl finding out that some people touched little girls - terrifying

thank GOD Shane is dead

Can they not control Carl for even one second the fuck

Who the fuck keeps zombies on a leash like dogs?????

Arms 

Daryl and Carol being cute lil besties

"Today's your lucky day, fellas. You've been pardoned by the state of Georgia. You're free to go."

CARL HAVING TO KILL LORI OH MY GOD

Andrea sucks.. pls die

"Nope. No way. Not her. We ain't losing nobody else. I'm going for a run." (s3, ep4) Darylllll yes

"Kid just lost his mum. His dad ain't doing so hot." (s3, ep4)Love you Daryl baby

Daryl my beloved

Arms 

T-dogs death was unnecessary bro

adore Michonne

Michonne just leave Andrea in the dust please im begging you

"Little ass kicker, that's a good name, right? Little ass kicker."

Daryl with a baby lord help me

A Zombie.. hunger games ?? Boxing match ???

AYO DARYL TAKING A FLOWER TO CAROLS GRAVE CAUSE HE THINKS SHES DEAD

A phone ringing?

"GO BACK" MICHONNE MY LOVE

Michonne please kill Merle

DARYL'S MUM !??!?!?!?!

Daryls so gentle with Carol

Michonne getting the food to the prison - She's so lovely

"Don't you worry about your old man. Imma keep my eye on him." Daryl bby dont ever change

Maggie gets to kill the governor. She has to.

Stabbing the Gov in the eye. Queen.

"The smell, it's loud." Pardon ?!?

Daryl leaves them for Merle ?!?!?! Yuck!

Rick seeing the ghost of Lori is fucken wild

Can the Governor die now please

At this point, if it's not about Daryl and the team, I don't wanna know about them - just give me my found family

Mama stilinski what are you doing here?

Daryl please come home

s3, ep 10 - this is where I started to actively take note 

“You quite a lady.” Yes she is, but not for you. 

Daryl knowing that it’s a baby crying and not wild animals - immediately going to check it out. Of course Merle is acting like a dick. 

ARMS

CLOSING THE WALKERS HEAD IN THE CAR’S BOOT HOLY SHIT 

Daryl putting the crossbow on Merle when he’s stealing from the family with the baby 

“They didn’t owe us nothing.” You did save their lives bby 

“THERE👹WAS👹A👹BABY!” 

“Man I went back for you. You weren’t there. I didn’t cut off your hand neither. You did that. Way before they locked you up on that roof. You asked for it.” Finally someone says it. Finally Daryl sees it. 

DARYL’S BACK

HOLY SHIT 

OH MY GOD

NO 

SDKFNHRUE

“I didn’t know he was-“ “Yeah, he did. He did the same to you. That’s why you left first.” JNFJHEFUSIOJWEL IMMA KILL 

“Back where I belong.” Yes sir, I know that’s right. 

“Damn near killed the Chinese kid.” “He’s Korean.” WE LOVE TO SEE GROWTH 

“You know, I may be the one walking away, but you’re the one that’s leaving. Again.” I am not ok. I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this. 

“This rage is going to get you killed.”

THE GOV SHOWING UP AND KILLING AXEL 

DARYL NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME FOR YOU TO SHOW UP

WHO 

THE 

FUCK

IS 

THAT

WHY ARE THEY DELIVERING WALKERS 

GLENN 

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

OH NOW YOU SHOW UP 

BUT LATE GLENN

Oh shit Rick

DARYL YES

Ew Merle

S3, ep 11

Carl telling Rick he should stop being the leader was not on my bingo card 

The Gov wanting children 13+ to fight in his war 

Gov lying to Andrea - unsurprising 

“You go to that prison, you stay there.” Or the both of you can just.. disappear..

I’m with Glenn on this one. Remove Merle. 

Merle can read????

“When the governor returns, he’ll kill me first-“ GOOD I’LL PAY HIM TO DO IT

“This is our home.” “This is a tomb.” Well damn Daryl, why’d you come back then???

“He’s your brother, but he’s not good for you. Don’t let him bring you down.” STOP HURTING ME WITH DARYL’S STORYLINE 

HIS LIL LAUGH WITH CAROL 

Andrea fuck off

Milton two-timing Andrea is iconic - sucks that it’s for that piece of shit tho

Andrea doing Michonne’s pet walker thing 

Tyrese and his gang witnessing it 

Merle approaching Michonne 

Tyrese is too pure for Angela and the Gov

Rick setting Andrea straight 

“Next time you see Phillip, you tell him I’m gonna take his other eye.” As you should 

“Go to hell, Michonne.” Have you seen the world you live in? 

“He sent Merle to kill me.”

“You chose a warm bed over a friend.” Preach 

Tyrese run 

“Shane loved Rick.” “Shane loved Lori.” No he was obsessed and stalkerish with Lori. 

Carol asking Andrea to sleep with Gov and then kill him is wild but like.. pls do. 

Rick giving Andrea a car, knife and gun - he better than me, I’d leave her for dead 

HOW IS CARL READY

HE IS A CHILD

Ugh Andrea you bitch just kill him 

S3, ep 12

Driving past a hitchhiker - I get it, but fuck man that would suck 

The car getting stuck in the mud is instant karma but I hate it 

Carl boy it is not her fault the car got stuck 

THEY LEAVE HIM BEHIND AGAIN

‘No guilt, you know that’ what 

‘Turn around and live’ ??

Carl shooting the shooter in the town was unexpected 

Morgan’s story… fuck man 

Walkers just chilling in the cafe thingy that Carl wants to go in 

“I think she might be one of us.” Hell yes she is Carl 

Love the lack of judgement from Michonne 

Walkers got the hitchhiker 

S3, ep 13

Where in the hell are they? 

I love the angel wings on Daryl’s jacket - they’re such a juxtaposition to his personality and the stereotype of leather jackets and their wearers 

WHY IS THE GOVERNOR THERE ?!?!?

Daryl shoot him

Please 

Just get it over with 

Gods Andrea just fuck off 

“Great. He bought his butler.” Daryl I love you

“You better watch your mouth, sunshine.” Marry me 

Merle shut the fuck up

Andrea shut the fuck up 

Bringing up Judith’s parentage is a low blow fuck 

“… for failing to see the devil beside you.” “Oh I see him alright.” Damn ok Rick 

Daryl’s “after you” and then killing more than the other guy 

Guys why are you fucking when there’s imminent danger ?!?!?!

Rick don’t you dare 

Ok like, thank you for not giving Michonne over, but also.. fuck 

NO 

RICK 

NO 

DON’T YOU DARE

NO

S3, ep 14

I swear to god Rick Grimes if you give Michonne over to that pice of shit

Michonne knew the pet walkers 

“They deserved what they got. They weren’t human to begin with.” Oh ok. So not people we liked. 

What the fuck is the Governor doing 

Milton finally growing some fucking balls and telling someone about the Gov’s plan to kill them all anyway 

THE WHISTLE EW 

Do it Andrea do it shoot him go on do it do it kill him

The Gov does NOT get to kill Andrea 

Tyrese RUN

Ok the Gov is actually fucking insane 

Like I knew that

But fuck

Like dude 

Chill out 

You’re waisting petrol on the chick you slept with 

THE WHISTLE AGAIN

WHO SET FIRE TO THE WALKERS?!?!! TYRESE ?!?!?

HOLY CRAP 

HE TOOK HER 

TO THE TORTURE CHAMBER 

S3, ep 15

RICK GRIMES 

DON’T YOU DARE

DARYL DIXON

DON’T YOU DARE

DON’T BRING MERLE INTO IT 

“I’m a damn mystery to me.” Not to me buddy. You’re an abused turned abuser. 

“I’m here for my brother.” I actually hate you. 

“He say he was sorry yet?” I love that you actually think he has it in him to apologise bby.

“Cause he is.” don’t even boy 

“Imma make him. There’s gotta be a way.” Daryl bby, ily but he beat the shit out of him. That’s not going away any time soon. 

“I care more about her than I care about me.” Glenn sweetie, you’re in an apocalypse 

Lmao Daryl’s face at the mention of crystal meth. Good boy. 

“Do you even possess a pair of balls, little brother?” Man go fuck yourself Merle. Daryl’s more man than you’ll ever be.

“I just want my brother back.” Daryl bby, he’s not worth it.

THANK GOD RICK 

MERLE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER 

His voice actually causes a physical form of hatred to course through my body 

MERLE NO

FUCK

RICK HELP HER 

DARYL STOP YOUR BROTHER 

FUCKEN HELL 

DON’T YOU DARE HURT MY BABY

“I wanna marry Maggie.” I get it my guy I do. Me too. 

Please let Merle die 

Why does he never die 

Merle letting her go???

DARYL JUST LET YOUR BROTHER GO 

Merle what the fuck 

Did Merle just lead the walkers to the governor ?!?!?!

MERLE WHAT THE FUCK

Is the governor going to be the one to kill Merle????

HE JUST BIT OFF HIS FINGERS

THE FUCK

HOLY CRAP 

He shot him 

Governor shot Merle 

Holy shit 

GLENN PROPOSES 

SKANF;JKADNF;IDSF

YES

YES

HOLY 

CRAP

SHIT

FUCKBALLS

YES

Rick finally talking sense 

Oh god Daryl please be careful 

NO

PLEASE 

NO 

NOT DARYL CRYING 

NO 

PLEASE

I CAN’T HANDLE THAT

NO 

FUCK

THIS IS WORSE

HE HAS TO KILL HIS BROTHER 

FUCK 

NO 

PLEASE NO 

NO

THE WAY HE FOLDS IN ON HIMSELF 

SDKFNOSIHFN

OH GOD 

NO NO NOJNKJNWDOIFKNP

HIS LITTLE CRY 

No 

The rage 

The sobbing 

His body falling 

Fuck no

His heaving breaths 

Fuck 

Daryl 

Jesus Christ Norman why’d you have to act it like that 

I know I wanted him dead but I didn’t mean for Daryl to have to kill him fuck 

S3, ep 16

MILTON BURNT THE WALKERS 

Holy crap the Governor is insane Jesus 

“What would your daughter think about what you are?” Oh ok Milton, you want the Torture torture 

Governor telling Milton to kill Andrea and Milton trying to kill Governor, so Governor kills Milton, who then turns and kills Andrea.

“Either you kill or you die. Or you die and then you kill.” 

Carl’s pissed 

RICK AND MICHONNE FLIRTING !?!?!?!?

Tyrese and Sasha my loves 

THAT’S A BIG ASS GUN SHIT 

They’re gone sucka 

Andrea the man is gonna die and then he’s gonna eat you. Stop being a whiney bitch.

WAS SHE RAW DOGGING HER SHOES 

THE FUCK

Sneak attack 

Carl shooting a surrendering teenager.. shit 

He just killed the people he’s supposed to be protecting.. psychopath 

Mama Stilinski surviving hell yeah 

Carl is brutal 

Rick and the others going for Andrea just after Milton bites her 

“No one can make it alone now.” “They never could.” 

Michonne staying with Andrea as she kills herself to make sure she doesn’t turn 

Them bringing the town to the prison to get them away from the Governor 

[overbearingstruggles]

I genuinely cannot cope with the fact that our rights are about to be taken away and we have a FULL congress of republicans rn. I’m lucky to live in CA but as a black woman, this is so so heartbreaking and impossible to wrap my head around. How is this even possible?? And the fact that Im currently stuck living with my Tump supporting grandparents who raised me and STILL voted for him just makes me so sick, I can’t even believe this timeline we’re in.

I really can’t get over how so much of america is still deeply rooted in racism and hate in this day and age. Sorry for the rant lol i’m just so lost and conflicted.

🖤 This whole ass country's leap to the right is fucking horrifying. Apologies for not having anything comforting to say here aside from I hope you are safe and able to take the mental breaks you need. I am so sorry you have to exist around people who have lost all empathy and sense of the harsh world around them.

I am so disgusted at the way many of the CA props turned out that the "deep blue" classification means nothing to me. Not that I think states' rights will even matter anymore, but there was a huge loss of pragmatism and progressiveness in how props turned out and I am doing errands side eyeing every single fucking person.

[webslingingslasher]

hey so uhh, idk how to say this but i need to talk to someone about this. its a long read so i get it of you skip this.

1) im not in the us nor any other 1st world country (this is relevant i promise)

im a freshman atm. i moved to a main city with many unis to one of the top unis in the country. i have a full ride which means i only have to pay for living expenses. im lucky enough to have my parents pay for it, i know that better than anyone. i also come from a city which is known for having a gated community filled with very rich people. i have stressed many times i am not from said gated comunity, in fact from the opposite side of the city. i also want to add that they do not consider my city, or any other city a 'real city' because they are not the capital of the country.

i live walking distance in a non walkable city so my rent is high in comparison to other places but theres amenities in this place that make it so worth it (all furniture, washer & dryer, hot&cold water included, cooking utensils, everything transplant students may need). no one here thats not in my situation will understand it (most students are native to the city and in general moving away to study is not very common in my country) and i get that.

i keep sensing that the specific group of my classmates which have become my friends because i obviously knew no one here (i hang with them the most) have this underlying animosity towards me and i dont know if i'm over thinking this, but i do have a history of choosing terrible people to befriend (not morals wise just in the way they treat me)

today in the gc they were joking about deportation and kept insisting i would get deported. (im white in a poc country (which most of the students at my uni are too)) i said i would get deported to a poor area of the country know for its farmland, given that my family actually DOES come from there, and i dont mean like four generations back, my parents were both born less that 10 years after my grandparents moved out.

to which both replied by telling me to 'stop pretending i have a struggle story' and to just 'admit im priviledged'. obviously, im offended. i never said i had a struggle story, i just stated the province my family is from and i've never acted as if im not priviledged. i like to consider myself to be hyper aware of my economic position considering my parents have always made it very clear where we stand politically and economically.

its not just those comments, there have been other things. i invited them over once and one of them (ill call her A) said for what i pay its not worth it and i could find a better place somewhere else (proceeded to indicate an area which is not walkable) after asking repeatedly to inform her if there were any units empty and if i wanted a roomate. she kept repeating my place 'is not worth it' for about a week after.

one time in class A mentioned how she was named after a telenovela and i said i didnt know about it. she kept dragging my not knowing on until i googled it. said telenovela ended YEARS before we were born and it was from another country, so obviously i didnt know. she proceeded to yell "if you dont have any culture its fine, just admit it"

as i mentioned, im white in a poc country. people always ask me where i'm from and sometimes insist when i dont say us/europe. sometimes i joke about it but only with certain people. these uni people are not in that group. i'm really proud of where i'm from and my culture, and i'm always defending it, so its really fucking annoying to be told i have no culture over a telenovela from a country thats a 12hr plane ride away.

she makes comments about how "i disgust her" and how shes "tired of me" but plays them off as jokes whener i make comments about having to leave uni after class because i need to buy groceries or i talk about back home (for example how our traffic jams are smaller, we are a smaller city, duh).

these comments also come when i mention i get takeout or something, which for context i will say is once a month since i cannot afford it all the time. comments will also come whenver i mention something about living alone like doing the laundry, cleaning days or my neighbours. they all live with their families in their childhood homes, but i kinda want someone to talk to about these things.

they will also judge my food habits and tell me to eat more sustainable stuff. i dont bring heavy foods to school. instead i bring light stuff like oats, yogurts, salads and bars since they are easier to make. they all take strong, home cooked meals which take time to cook to uni. they all live with their parents, of course they will always have a hearty meal. i'm learning how to cook. i cant waste food on complicated recepies i will probably get wrong just to keep up. i make my best efforts at home when i have the time. i take the safe meals to uni and when i dont have time/the food i buy at uni.

another thing that reslly frustrates me is that they always critisize me buying food but always expect some from it and will sometimes take it forcefully. once i bought a piece of pie which they all shitted on me for but they then tried to shame me into giving them some and 'letting them try it'. when i said i wasnt giving them any one of them ripped it from my hands and started running away to try it. that was not the only time they've ripped my food from my hands/ shoved it in my bag.

im not a total pushover and i do put my foot down but they always act as if im the one in the wrong when i do. i've also taken to just buying my food quietly and eating it a home.

one time A made a comment about me being 'so fucking rich' to which i said she doesnt live with me, she doesnt know anything. she then told me to not get upset.

she knows damn well i have a full ride, and i've said many times i could never afford this uni without a full ride. even with 75%, i couldnt make it. my parents are counting pennies back home so that i can study. i turn my breakers down in the middle of the caribbean heat to help with the light bill. im not the fucking oligarch she seems to think i am.

i've told her before im here because of my parents and their effort, and im aware all this sounds like typical rich kid talk, but my dad wouldnt eat when he was a uni student. he got a full ride to a uni and lived in a hostel. his mum would send him chicken once a week and he had to eat it in three days before it went bad since he didnt have a fridge. the other four days? he had to figure it out. my mum dropped out of uni twice. once to take care of my sick grandmother who still died and a second time because 2008 hit and they could barely feed two babies, let alone financially support other family members like they were expected to. my only chance at education has been scholarships, a fact which has been drilled into me since i was six.

obviously she doesnt know this, which to me means she further shouldnt be making comments about my economic position or my family.

i try to keep my mouth shut but all this is very annoying.

idk, am i the one in the wrong? or am i just overthinking this? if im being a spoiled brat i'd like to know. obviously i wont kiss away my apartment/my scholarship/my parents goodbye just because but i will watch my mouth more

idk. this is all over the place and messy. if you even read this i thank you, if you have any response even more

either way it feels good to let it go. i really dont have anyone else to talk to this about

you don't have to or need to explain your way into empathy with your "friends." i can't decide if they're jealous of you or just like having someone in the group to constantly bully.

your parents are working their hardest to support you and you're working your hardest to prove them right and i don't think they would like how your friends treat you.

i'm sending you a hug. <3333

[sillygonk]

Strings of Devotion [ao3]

pairing: Johnny Silverhand/V

word count: 5k

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER – since this fic revolves around music, some song lyrics will be used. I am a songwriter in the same way as wine is a fruit salad, so I decided to borrow the music of a real band. It will be presented as Banzai Riot’s original tracks, but the songs are NOT mine, they all belong to original artists, I’m bending the reality for the purposes of this fic only! The original band is Halestorm and they are fucking amazing. For anyone interested in original tracks (or any other songs mentioned) of which lyrics I will use in the fic, I will be adding a links in the bottom notes. Thank you!

<- Chapter II Chapter IV ->

Chapter III – Reasonably Confident

Days seemed to be flying by in a blur, slipping away faster than a pickpocket in a Kabuki market. Between band rehearsals, late-night gigs and the constant buzz of the city outside his window, he was living in a perpetual state of motion. A normal person would probably be tired, exhausted even, but not him. There was this restless, nervous energy gnawing at him, always lighting his veins on fire. It was as if he was constantly chasing something just out of reach, barely having time to catch a breath. He got used to it though.

That was the rule after all – this city never slept, and neither did Johnny.

The only time when he could truly find some peace was at the break of dawn, when the exhaustion was usually starting to get to him. Only then he was not bothered by anything or anyone, cause everyone knew that it was better to just leave him be. And if they didn’t, he could always blow them off.

Johnny stumbled into his apartment just before four a.m., his head spinning. He dropped his guitar on the couch and made his way to the kitchen, his worn-out boots scuffing against the floor. He poured himself a glass of water and downed it in one gulp, the coolness soothing his parched throat. As he leaned against the counter, he ran a hand through his tousled hair and let out a weary sigh, already feeling the hangover creeping in. After gaining a little more balance, he made his way towards his bedroom, shedding his clothes with each step and tossing them carelessly to the floor. He collapsed onto the mattress with a heavy thud, burying his face into the pillow with a groan of relief, hoping to shut out the world and sleep at least until noon.

But just as he was about to close his eyes, his phone erupted with a series of insistent pings, shattering the fragile silence of the night. Irritated, Johnny fumbled for the device, his fingers clumsy with fatigue.

[Kerry] ur lucky im pulling an allnighter jackass received – 3:47 am

Oh, that’s right. He slammed the doors not really giving a shit if he woke Kerry up. Again.

[Kerry] ur unbelievable man the worst fucking roommate ever i shouldve move in with denny when she offered received – 3:47 am

[Johnny] that equals livin with henry sent – 3:48 am

[Kerry] true just fucking watch it next time received – 3:49 am

[Johnny] sure mom sent – 3:49 am

[Kerry] don’t be a dick netdir://brf.web received – 3:49 am

[Johnny] tf is this sent – 3:50 am

[Kerry] banzais fanpage just popped up received – 3:50 am

Johnny narrowed his eyes, trying to gain some focus. Since when exactly did he start caring about what his competition was doing? He navigated to the fanpage and began scrolling through the posts. There wasn't much there yet, since the account was brand new, barely a few days old from what he noticed. Just a handful of photos with vague descriptions, some of them introducing each of the band members, and a smattering of comments from early followers. As he examined the meager content, Johnny's gaze lingered on the photos, but there was one specific pic that caught his eye. It was a candid shot of a chick with short white hair, probably at some gig, guitar in hand, pouring her heart out into the mic. He clicked on her private profile but found it notably sparse, signed with only her name. Or rather an initial, because who the fuck names their kid “V”? Any photos she had added were either back shots that showed off her occiput tattoo, her guitar or shitty, blurry pics that he guessed were supposed to be aesthetic.

Curiosity piqued, he checked out each band member's profile. In comparison to hers, theirs were full of photos and stupid quirky anecdotes, offering a window into their lives beyond the stage.

A cynical smirk tugged at the corners of Johnny's lips. “Typical marketing ploy,” he muttered to himself. “Leave ‘em wanting more, right?”

She was the frontwoman after all. She was supposed to attract the most attention, yet she was holding back, posing as this enigmatic and mysterious doll. It had to be just cleverly calculated marketing. It didn't make sense otherwise. Lost in thought, he found himself thinking about her again. The way she'd apologized to him when they bumped into each other couple days back, the hint of shyness in her demeanor. Then her bitchy attitude and calling him an asshole when she thought he wouldn’t hear her. And earlier, in the Afterlife? That bubbly personality? She for sure was a tough nut to crack, but he wasn’t sure if he would call her enigmatic.

Well. If it really was some kind of ploy, it was definitely working on him, since his thoughts were constantly going back to her over the past couple of days. Shit, how many times he thought about her this week?

The realization caught him off guard, and he couldn’t help but scoff at himself. Sure, she was cute, and the fact that she was a challenge was making his blood boil in the best way possible, but that wasn’t a reason for him to-

Hollup.

Cute? Where did that fucking come from?

With a frustrated grunt, Johnny tossed his phone aside and rolled over in bed, burying his face in his pillow in a futile attempt to silence his racing thoughts. He couldn't help but wonder what it was about V that had managed to get under his skin. She lingered in his mind like an irritating itch he couldn't scratch. And it was fucking infuriating.

He rubbed his face and sighed. He needed to fucking sleep it off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After their rehearsal the next day, they sat down to discuss the specifics of their performances, with cigarettes and glasses in hand. Ideas flew back and forth as they debated which songs to include in their setlist for the Battle and which song should they choose for their presentation. After settling the details, they emerged from the dimly lit confines of the warehouse and onto the street, exchanging nods and handshakes. It was a surprisingly productive meeting, without the usual screaming matches and disagreements. Johnny was even able to finally get his head out of his ass and stop thinking about this white-haired chick. And his hangover was bearable. That counted as a good day in his book. But of course, just as Johnny was about to make his way to his Porsche, Henry stopped him.

“Hey, Alt is going to be there to see us, right?”

Yup. He spoke to fucking soon.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Denny hissed, smacking the back of Henry’s head.

“Ow! What the fuck Denny? Alt’s always been a big fan of ours, right?” he rubbed his head and narrowed his eyes at his girlfriend. “I’m just checking to see if she’ll be there this time too, shit.”

“She was there to see Johnny, you gonk, not all of us,” Nancy rolled her eyes without even looking up from her phone. Henry looked at them all helplessly, as if he didn’t understand where he fucked up.

“Christ, chooms, you all know how they are,” Henry remarked pointing at Johnny. “Breaking up, making up, breaking up again and again, so I just assumed-“

“Stop assuming and just shut up Henry, just this once,” Denny glowered at him and made her way to Johnny, patting his cheek lightly. “Don’t listen to him. You made the right call, okay?”

“Yeah,” Johnny groaned and reached out for a cigarette, lighting it up, but still glared at Henry angrily. He took a long puff and then his phone started ringing. He froze after seeing the name on the screen. “You fuckin’ jinxed it, you moron,” now it was Johnny’s turn to smack Henry in the head. He didn’t wait to hear Henry’s stammered out apology, just spun on his heel and took a few steps away to answer the phone. “The fuck you want, Alt?”

“I want to talk. We-“

“We have nothing to fuckin’ talk about, thought I made myself clear.”

He had heard her excuses before, thousands of times, but this time he was sick of them. He endured a lot for her, but her working for a fucking corps was too much. That was a fucking knife in the back, honestly. She was a part of everything he stood against and she wanted to make an oopsie-daisy out of it? Fuck no.

“Johnny, if you would just listen-“

Johnny hung up before his patience wore thin. With a heavy sigh, he slumped back against his car, flicking the butt of his cig away and fishing out a fresh one. Even though he ended things with her a couple weeks ago, every attempt she made to contact him was a bitter reminder of her betrayal. She knew. She fucking knew what he thought about it and still went behind his back. He would lie if he’d say that he was the good one in their relationship. Hell no. They were both just fucking awful to each other. Their relationship consisted of a lethal brew of jealousy and possessiveness, fueled by insecurities, which resulted in constant arguing, guilt tripping and cheating, since neither Johnny nor Alt were strangers to infidelity. They were, overall, pretty toxic to each other. But associating with corps was something where he drew a line. Now he just counted his ex as another reason to hate corps.

He sighed, taking a long drag of his smoke. He just longed for a fucking closure.

“Hey, man…” Henry sheepishly approached him, and Johnny pretended that he didn't saw Denny chewing him out a minute ago. “Didn’t mean to. It’s just, you always say that it’s over and then, you know…”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighed again, shaking the ash from his cigarette. “But I fucking mean it this time.”

“Uh, okay, man. Whatever you say.”

Kerry, sensing Johnny's bubbling irritation at Henry's dismissive tone, interjected.

“Why didn’t you block her, Johnny? It’s been weeks. Months at this point, really.”

“I fuckin’ did. I block her every time, but turns out there are some smarts under the pretty face. She’s a fucking netrunner, and good one at that, guess you can figure out the details,” he wiggled his phone.

Kerry just nodded, but Nancy rolled her eyes again, and tossed her phone into her back pocket.

“Christ, are we gonna just stand here, creating a pity party for this dumbass?” she pointed at Johnny, but continued before he had the opportunity to speak. “Because I think that getting fucked up would do us all some good.”

Johnny’s lips curled into smirk at her audacity, but hell, he was not going to decline. And they still had nearly 24 hours until the Battle began, so they were good to drown their sorrows away and still be fresh as daisies for tomorrow evening.

Not that Johnny would feel bad if they’d ended up showing up hungover. Or still drunk.

“I’m down actually,” Kerry smirked. “I haven’t barfed in Johnny’s car in a long fucking time.”

“Fuck you, Kerry. And stay away from my fucking car.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The Fool-“

“Oh, fuck no.”

V got up from the table, shaking her head. Nope. Not today. She was in a good mood whole morning, the stupid Fool will not ruin it now.

“V, c’mon. You asked me for a reading yourself to get some insight for the night,” Misty stated in a soothing voice. “And The Fool is not making fun of you.”

“Yeah, tell him that,” she pointed at the card with her chin, but still sat back down across from her friend.

“It’s very fitting if you ask me. Today a new adventure starts, after all,” Misty’s fingers grazed the card lightly. “The Fool symbolizes the beginning of the journey. You brim with enthusiasm, yet remain unaware of both your capabilities and the threats you face,” she pulled out another card. “Strength. Strength of will, discipline and courage will always be rewarded.”

“Now, that’s what I like to hear,” V nodded, finally a satisfied smile showing up on her face.

“But not necessarily at your destination, as the reversed Magician shows,” Misty states after pulling the third one from the deck. “Perhaps the path itself is what’s important…? And it will help you overcome your fear?”

“Well, I don’t like that anymore,” she crossed arms over her chest, pouting, making Misty laugh.

“And the last one,” her roommate pulled out the fourth card and blinked in surprise. “The Lovers. Balance, friendship, love… Though it can also mean difficult choices ahead.”

“Jeez,” V ran a hand through her hair. “You know what? I ain’t asking you ever again. Lately your readings are getting a little too real for my liking.”

“Some believe uncertainty is an evil that should be dispelled through divination,” Misty wiggled her eyebrows and shuffled her deck. “Let’s just say you belong to the second group and leave it at that for now.”

“Yeah, I think I prefer to be uncertain then uncertain and scared,” V stated and both of them giggled.

Their laughter was interrupted by the sound of a car horn blaring from the street below. V made a face at Misty, who just laughed harder, and walked to the window. She leaned forward, peering out onto the bustling street below, where she spotted Nova waving enthusiastically from the driver’s seat of her car.

“Get the fuck down, or we’ll leave you here and we’ll be famous without you!” Nova shouted, grinning from ear to ear.

“Stop yelling in my fucking neighborhood!” V yelled at her with an equally big grin and waved at Raf and Prime when they glued themselves to the window, sticking their tongues out. “What a bunch of kids…” V muttered to herself with a smirk. “We’ll be down in five!”

V turned back to Misty, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Looks like our ride’s here,” she reached out for her guitar, securely hidden in a weathered leather case, and slung it over her back, while Misty packed her violin quickly.

V took one last glance in the mirror and smoothed a little smudge of her dark lipstick with her thumb. She nodded to herself and turned around, looking Misty up and down with a smile. Then, she scanned the room, looking for a special someone who could give them an unbiased opinion.

“How do we look, Nibbles?” The cat looked up at them with a tilted head, wagged their tail twice and meowed. “That’s what I thought,” V picked up the cat and kissed his furless little head. “Be nice while mommies are gone.”

She put the cat back at its usual snoring spot on the kitchen counter and, after Misty also said her goodbyes to the cat, they made their way downstairs, just in time to hear Nova yap at the kids in the backseat how they’ll clean her damn windows. Girls packed their stuff to the trunk and sat in the car, V calling shotgun. Music blared from the speakers when they went on their way to the Afterlife and when the car finally pulled up to the bar, the whole squad got out, unloading their belongings and making their way to the entrance. The bouncer nodded at them, recognizing V and Raf from a week ago and let them in without issue. The bar was already teeming with people, a vibrant mix of patrons and potential competitors. They navigated their way through the crowd until the bartender voice cut through the din.

“Hey there, kids from Banzai!” Claire called out, waving them over. V smiled at her.

“Hey, Claire.”

“Hope you guys are ready,” she grinned at them.

“Fuck yeah we are,” Nova smiled smugly.

“Good to hear,” the bartended nodded, satisfied with their answer, and pulled out five badges from under the bar. “Those are for you, they signify that you’re performing. There is also a room set up for you in the back. Feel free to use it anytime over the course of the competition.”

“Holy shit,” V laughed, reaching out for the badges. “That was not something I expected. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Claire chuckled. “We’ll start in around half an hour, so you still have some time to get in there and unwind. Just get back here, like, five minutes before the opening and you’re good,” she looked past them and waved. “And now go away, I have another ones to deal with.”

With one more “thanks” and “good luck” in return, they went on their way to the backrooms, finding their assigned room. V tried to ignore the fact that Samurai’s room was right next to theirs. She also tried not to ponder on how her next meetup with Silverhand will go. That was certainly not time nor place for that. They got in and settled, exchanging excited chatter while tuning instruments. Prime, the lucky one, didn’t have to do shit since the organizer thoughtfully provided drums for the contest, sparing them the hassle of setting up and tearing down their own equipment between performances, but still allowing quick adjustments. They made their way back to the bar after couple of minutes, passing other contestants on their way and exchanging small smiles with the ones they recognized.

And that’s when she saw him.

He was leaning against the bar, talking to someone – probably one of his bandmates. His hair was tousled, as if he just ran his hand through it, clad in leather pants and a black t-shirt with his band’s logo. There was a weariness etched into the lines of his face, as if he hadn’t slept enough, but there was still this rugged charm exuding from him. She swallowed thickly. She did not just thought about him like that. If not, why it’s so hard for her to look away?

Then, thank God, someone called her name, and she quickly averted her eyes before he noticed her staring at him.

“V!” Jackie smiled widely. “We’re here!”

She waved at him, a bit confused. We? She was sure Jackie would be there to support them, but wasn’t expecting anyone else. She moved closer and her eyes widened.

“Vik?” V couldn’t stop the grin. “The hell you doin’ here?”

“Thought I’d miss your career breakthrough, kid?” he smirked.

“How did you-“ her laugh was cut short when she realized something. She didn’t let him know earlier. She fucking forgot to tell him. The warmth in her smile faltered, replaced by a sudden pang of shame. “Shit, Vik, I’m so sor-”

“I know you have an attention span of a carrot, V, I’m not mad,” Viktor laughed and reached out to hug her tightly. “Jackie told me even before you all signed the application.”

She nodded and looked at Jackie over Vik’s shoulder. “You’re really saving my ass here, y’know?”

“That’s what friends are for, chica,” Jackie’s grin seemed to grow even wider, if that was even possible. Viktor also smiled at him before looking at V again.

“Okay now,” he ruffled V's hair affectionately. “I’ll go quietly sit in a corner before it starts. Don’t want to embarrass you in front of cool people.”

“Yeah, I’m sooo embarrassed about sticking to the coolest fucking person here,” she scoffed and he laughed.

“Aww, papa Vik!”

Nova ran over to them, wrapping her arms around Viktor and he chuckled, returning her embrace with a gentle pat on the back. Soon enough the rest of her bandmates joined in, greeting him and Jackie. V smirked a bit when she saw both Misty and Jackie blushing and exchanging hugs, and Jackie rolled his eyes when he noticed her sly gaze.

“I think it finally starts,” Vik looked at the stage from the corner of his eye. V’s eyes followed his lead. She noticed a young guy taking the stage, a presenter probably. “Good luck y’all. We’ll see you later,” he looked at V once more, wrapping her in one last hug and kissing the top of her head. “Break a leg out there, kid,” he whispered. “I’m already proud of you.”

“Shit, you’re gonna make me cry,” she laughed and sniffled her nose. He only winked and went on his way to the back along with Jackie, who showed them both thumbs up. V then turned around, adjusted her grip on the guitar and smirked at her bandmates. “Kay. Let’s get this fucking show on the road, shall we?”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was looking at him. He could swear. And he would have fucking caught her doing that if that tall guy with a bun hadn’t called her over. His jaw clenched as he shot a glare at him. Then his gaze moved to her again and lingered for a moment longer than he intended. He scanned her lazily from head to toe, taking in her dark make-up and the way her hair fell in disarray around her face. Her tight crop top paired with a leather jacket that hugged her figure. And the way her jeans clung to her legs, holy-

Denny jabbed him in the ribs, breaking through his reverie. “Pay attention, will ya?”

Johnny’s lips curled into a half-hearted smirk as he turned his attention to the stage. A presenter stood under the spotlight, microphone in hand, delivering an animated speech about the significance of the upcoming contest and how big of an opportunity it is for young talents, yada yada. But Johnny’s focus wavered, his gaze drifting back to the crowd. He noticed the rest of their opponents, most of them similarly bored and waiting for their turn to take the stage, though for a short while, since they presentation was supposed to be not longer than three and a half minutes. According to the schedule, they were fourth in line, so he still had time to finish his drink.

And maybe order another one.

As the presenter’s speech droned on, his fingers idly traced the rim of his glass. He took a long sip, the fiery burn of the tequila warming his throat. The words blurred into background noise as he tuned out the relentless chatter. With a heavy sigh, he finally tore his gaze away from his drink and refocused on the stage just as the bands began to take their places. The crowd erupted into cheers and applause, the energy in the room palpable as the first band kicked off their set. Thunderforge, if he remembered correctly. He quietly exchanged observations with his bandmates and they all agreed on one – their music fell flat, failing to capture their attention or ignite any semblance of excitement.

Now second one, The Shouty Hearts, they were better. Not his usual vibe, but there was something raw and authentic about their sound that resonated with him.

Johnny’s patience was wearing thin by the time Fivedust took the stage. He quickly took them out of the equation, focusing on his tequila again. They caught his attention for a fleeting moment before he dismissed them with a subtle eyeroll. Funk was simply not in the same league as them in his mind.

In conclusion, none of those were better than Samurai. And by the time they could finally take the stage he was ready to rub it in their fucking faces. Johnny couldn’t help but smirk at the crowd’s reaction – at least half of the audience erupted into excited yells and screams as they stepped into the spotlight. It was clear that they’ve been eagerly waiting for Samurai’s performance. The opening chords of “Chippin’ In” filled the air and Johnny’s voice cut through the noise. They were feeding off his energy and he fucking knew it, and by the time the song reached its climax, the audience was cheering and chanting along to every word. When the final notes faded away, a satisfied grin spread across Johnny’s face. Stepping down from the stage, he exchanged triumphant glances with his bandmates, each of them had a similar grin on their faces. As the presenter reclaimed the spotlight, Johnny’s attention shifted to the next act. Banzai Riot was called to the stage, and he couldn’t resist the urge to bump into V as she navigated through the crowd toward the stage. She looked up at him, surprised.

“Sorry, my bad,” he muttered with a smirk and leaned in slightly, his voice barely audible over the din of the crowd. “Good luck, princess.”

V clenched her jaw, and he was sure she was suppressing the urge to retaliate and to not make a scene. She forced a smile and looked him dead in the eyes. “Asshole,” she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

“Said I was sorry, didn’t I?” he smiled sweetly and made his way to the bar. He ordered a drink and leaned against the counter, watching with a smirk playing at his lips as V and her bandmates prepared to take the stage. He was actually not surprised at the applause they’ve got, but tried to not show it. He nodded at Kerry when he joined him at the bar and reached for his new drink.

“How you feeling?” Kerry beamed at him.

“Pretty fuckin’ good to be honest,” Johnny chuckled and sipped his tequila. The rush of adrenaline from their performance still pulsed through his veins, but he forced himself to focus on the show in front of him.

The frontwoman’s anger seemed to be gone by the time she reached the microphone, and he was honestly impressed by it. She smiled at the crowd and started their show. Johnny was initially surprised by their gentle start, which contrasted with the heavy, aggressive sound he had expected.

She seemed fully focused on the audience, but she met his gaze with a subtle hint of pity while singing “And there’s a man down below that needs my sympathy”, and he couldn’t help but smirk.

And then she unleashed the full force of her vocals, screaming the lyrics into the mic, and Johnny felt a shiver run down his spine.

Well. That was a good bait, he had to admit.

The audience seemed to realize that too, because after that stunt the crowd truly went wild, their screams echoed alongside hers.

“Shit. They’re actually good,” Kerry admitted begrudgingly.

Johnny couldn’t bring himself to fully agree so he rolled his eyes.

“They’re alright,” he retorted with a shrug. “But we’re better.”

They were. He truly believed that Samurai was better. But to be honest, he could consider Banzai Riot their only real threat in this competition.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laughter echoed through the dark alley as V and her friends sat outside the bar, the dim glow of neon lights casting shadows around them. The presentation finished hours ago and since then celebratory drinks continued to flow. Viktor even had treated them to their first round before telling them how proud he is and then heading home shortly after, leaving them to celebrate their success. Every now and then, they would even engage in quick chat with members of other bands, exchanging compliments and sharing their impressions of each other’s performances. And, of course, V was avoiding Silverhand and those other fuckers from Samurai like the plague.

“Y’know what?” she slurred slightly while leaning on Nova for support. “’S going to be an amazing night which we ain’t gonna remember. But I’m still kinda sad,” she pouted.

“About?” Misty yawned and hugged sleeping, snoring Prime closer.

“I couldn’t finish my song,” V sighed, and ran a hand through her already messy hair.

“Y’kno we had to-“ Nova hiccupped. “Had to cut it short.”

“Naw, I know, ‘s just… Ain’t fair,” she pouted again. “Three and a half minute presentation my ass.”

“Oooh, someone’s maaad,” Raf laughed loudly and sipped his beer, almost dropping the bottle in the process.

“Yeah, I’m mad a li'l, yeah,” she looked up at him with glossy eyes.

“We can always sing that part now,” Nova smirked.

“Wait! Yeah, we can!”

“I think I should take you guys home,” Jackie laughed at them.

He probably drank a whole lotta more then them, but he still seemed to be most sober.

“Nah, no, wha- wait,” Nova stopped him. “Let the girl sing her song!”

“You’re the best,” V glanced at her with a lopsided grin. “D’you know that?”

Nova giggled loudly. “I know. Now c’mon, taaake me hooome tonight!”

“I'd do anything with youuu!”

They both started to laugh uncontrollably. Jackie rolled his eyes at them but couldn’t stop a wide grin. He crouched down and picked up Prime from Misty’s embrace, for which she shyly smiled at him, and he, in a fit of drunk courage probably, winked at her. Then he motioned at them to follow him as he moved forward, carrying sleeping Astra in his arms. They all did, but V and Nova were far from over, their voices wavering with each note when they took turns singing.

“Buy a bottle o' whiskey, we'll get matching tattoos.”

“Tell me that you love me, oh, let me drive your car!”

“We can sit 'til mornin' light, just countin' every star.”

“Cause if there's a hell, I'll meet you there,” they sang in unison, pointing their fingers at each other. “And if there's a heaven, they're serving beer, and if you're an angel, then I must be hiiigh!”

With each verse, their voices grew louder and more off-key, but they didn’t seem to mind.

“Oh, if there's a church, it's rock 'n' roll, if there's a devil, I sold my soul!”

“And it's alright, whatever we do tonight.”

“Cause if there's a God, dammit, she won't mind. If there's a God, baby, she won't miiind!”

Lost in their own world of laughter and tipsy melodies, no one noticed Johnny as he stepped out of the bar, the flicker of his lighter illuminating his features in the dimly lit alleyway. He paused mid-step, his gaze briefly fixed on V and her horrible drunken singing. A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, softening the harsh lines of his face.

With a shake of his head, Johnny took a drag from his cigarette as he turned to walk the other way.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

side note – no one in Halestorm plays violin, but (1) violin in rock and metal music sounds fucking amazing and (2) Misty gives me a violin vibe, so, ta-dah!

Chippin’ In by Samurai (Refused) I Like It Heavy by Halestorm

[ask-cinnavanillamelody]

So I wanna vent, about something really quick, and then we'll go back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I like, hate. College. I hate it, I hate the premise, I hate that they're bleeding me for money, but most of all I hate the people. If I could do college with 5 other people and we all had our own rooms I think I'd like it more. It started snowing today, and the campus is covered in snow. And if you know anything about me, I hate the cold. I hate being cold, I hate being outside in the cold. Because when it's cold, it's guaranteed I'll probably get sick. I'll get chills, the flu, a cold, something.

I wanted to go to a college in North Carolina, but they didn't accept me for an art program, so I ended up at my current college in small-town Pennsylvania. It's cold here, in the winter. it's so goddamn cold I don't want to go outside. I shouldn't go outside. And lucky for me I don't have to go outside because I have everything I need, inside, where it's warm, and I won't die by slipping on ice.

But apparently, my roommate thinks I'm STUPID for calling one of my co-workers to see if my job on campus would still be open. When I could've just "Walked outside to see if they're open" and "It's not that cold". FIRST OF ALL the air outside has to be a certain degree to even freeze the water in the sky and make it dense enough to fall out of the sky in the form of snow. in other words, IT HAS TO BE COLD, TO MAKE COLD WEATHER, AKA SNOW. And I left my warmest coat back home by accident, so I'm even less guarded against the cold weather. And I'm also anemic, it doesn't matter how many fucking layers I put on, I can still be, (and usually am) cold. She wouldn't let me explain why I don't find it necessary to go outside in the cold when I can just as easily find out the information I need by CALLING SOMEONE ON THE PHONE. Yeah sure she may not be here on campus, however, this probably isn't the first time the school's shut down because of weather, she would probably know if the school job that we both work would still be open. Which she did, and now I know whenever the school is shut down, my job is too.

I started to raise my voice because when someone insults me, the natural reaction is to defend myself. And when someone repeatedly interrupts you in conversation, wrongly assuming you're done and continuing to invalidate your feelings and emotions because THEY think it's STUPID and you're being DUMB AND IRRATIONAL about weather you aren't used to, their argument being "You have to get used to it at some point since you live here now"

Technically, I don't actually live here. I don't have a permanent residency here. I can't vote in this state. I live in a warmer southern state. My home is in another state. I am "living" on a college campus. But in the next 3 years? I'm not going to be able to live here. I don't stay here during the winter and summer. I go HOME. I FLY TO ANOTHER STATE. Technically I don't HAVE to get used to shit. I can get my degree, and move to fucking California where it doesn't ever snow. And I can hate the cold all the same. Because it's my right to not like cold weather, yeah I complain about it, but I know it's something I have to deal with. That doesn't mean I have to "learn to get used to it" right now just because you fucking say so. And you don't have to fucking call me stupid and illogical every time I don't want to go outside. That's rude. You can think it, but you don't have to say it. I'm seriously starting to rethink my friendship with this person because we can be fine and friendly, and instantly jump into an argument fucking 5 SECONDS later. I don't want to even live with this person anymore, I'm just dealing with it because the alternative is living with someone I don't know.

UGH IM SO PISSED OFF

anyway, rant over. Now we return to the regularly scheduled programming. 🍫

[spaceshipkat]

How did you get into freelance work/what do you do? Sorry if you covered this already, I'm just thinking working for other people might be out of the question for me.. I have a job currently but it's contract work and is shaky at best.

hey, happy to answer! ive talked about it a little but its been an age since im so bad at answering asks these days. so i freelance as a book editor—developmental editing and copyediting are my two mains, though i also do a lot of query reviews

really how i started was as a critique partner, and i was 18 when i first became that. i did that for years while going to uni, and then after i graduated uni w my bachelor’s i started freelancing. thankfully i’d built up a solid resume of books i’d worked on (i think nearly everyone ive CPed for has gone on to sell their books to the big 5) so when i applied to the company i currently work for they could see my track record and know i know my shit. but even then, it took me a year or two to actually get a solid base of clients and build a big enough reputation that i get consistent work.

i like freelancing bc i really enjoy helping writers with their books and querying ambitions. ive been in the tradpub industry long enough that ive seen and learned a lot and can help people figure out the unspoken parts of it (hence why there’s so many posts under my “publishing industry” tag) (and i also know who to avoid, be they literary agents or tradpub editors). plus i don’t want to be an acquisitions editor (the ones who buy books to publish) and i don’t live in nyc (nor do i want to) (despite many publishers saying they’re open to remote they’re really not, imo they just say they are to look better) so freelancing is a good middle ground to do what i love to and actually help authors directly.

but the biggest downside imo to freelancing is the lack of benefits, and the state i live in reeeally doesn’t like freelancers for things like health insurance (especially when you don’t live alone, bc they like to pool an entire household’s income even if that’s not how the household works). i am still trying to get health insurance. it’s fucked.

so there’s good and bad sides, but if you’re into freelancing i’d definitely see if there’s any companies out there that collect (for lack of a better word) freelancers in whichever field you’re in. im lucky with my company bc they do the marketing, as it were, for their editors. clients come to you, rather than the other way around, and being part of a company lends more credence to an editor than if you had your own website, bc editors have to get vetted but anyone with a vague understanding of coding can make a serious enough website to attract writers despite not being a good editor a writer should hire.

[homenecromancer]

website respect my readmore please

ive been in one of those states lately where eventually you look back from the future and you can just say “yeah i was really depressed, because using my hands for anything was painful, and possibly risked future permanent damage, but not being able to use my hands for the hobbies i had previously enjoyed left me with little to do but just stew anxiously”, but living through that in real time is deeply, deeply dull :|

of course, real life never slows down to let you process something like that, so i have also been dealing with, like, the inevitability of death, from two separate directions.

the cat i loved, and promised his first owner i’d make sure was cared for after she died, had to be put down this past week. what can you say — i miss him, and i wish that i had been able to take him into my own home. (he belonged to a close friend’s grandma, and then went to live with said friend after his grandma died. i have animal dander allergies and so do other people i live with, so i couldn’t have the cat myself.)

my dad isn’t getting better, and day-to-day it’s easy to pretend things are okay and normal. but also, like. if my mom and brother are out of the house, then i won’t go for a walk, because that would leave my dad alone in the house. last year he had a minor seizure while cooking and absolutely fucked up some eggs; he and the pan were fine, thankfully. when i was growing up, and after i became an adult, he cooked almost all of the meals; over the past few years he’s gradually cooked less and less, and probably sooner rather than later he’ll just… stop. he won’t be able to cook anymore. things will get worse and if we’re lucky it’ll just be a slow, gentle slide. that’s the good option.

like i am currently surviving in the bare-minimum sort of way, but things are not going great, and i am doing too well at putting one miserable foot in front of the other to really look at myself and go “no, it’s bad and i can admit that”. im gonna go put on a podcast and not send this email i meant to send today

anyway i opened this post intending to mention how i checked out an ebook from the library today and for some goddamn reason the publisher set the default formatting so it was doublespaced. the book did not benefit from this. thankfully Libby has a “knock that the fuck off” feature

[mouseratz]

not that i can pretend to know what it’s like to be trans and trying to get gender affirming care because im not trans but idk , being in the learning phase of healthcare and getting to see how some things work up close it is a little crazy how conservatives and even like a portion of this website seem to think receiving stuff like hormones works . beyond just the general inaccessibility in a lot of areas ( depending on where you live , adds factors such as whether you’re in a healthcare desert or just in a state that’s trying to erase the existence of trans people entirely , what have you ) doctors appointments are just SO HARD TO GET . im only speaking for american culture because im american but i feel a lot of people forget that endocrinologists have these really long wait times ? and not just for things like getting approved for HRT , people have health issues in relation to their endocrine system all the time and there are only so many licensed specialists to go around so what happens is you get this exceedingly long wait time and then you get to the appointment and then you’ll be lucky if they listen to you . idk this is more of a spitball than anything else but i really truly wish that trans accessible healthcare was more widely available than it really is . there’s a portion of morons alive who would have you believe that doctors give these scripts out like gum balls and not like it’s a multi-year process that unfortunately a lot of trans people never get to ever get their hands on

YUPPP you can get them a lot quicker if you have an informed consent doctor like I do, but there's like.....five clinics in my state or something. and I am an adult who's been in therapy on-record for years. and I know in the UK the wait times are even fucking worse somehow. and this doesn't even mention the amount of teenagers who need HRT but it is quite literally illegal to access in most of the US. the medical attitude on HRT seems to be "wait until your patient either decides they don't need it and/or aren't trans anymore or they die and it stops being a problem". (And conservatives would like it to be Even Worse, throwing out the idea of banning it until 25 years old. you can go die for your country's oil supply & legally drink, but you can't fucking get a hormone prescribed to you.....that's the world they imagine.)