#i am so fucking anxious about it
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Sight singing auditions my beloathed
#i have an audition this week#i am so fucking anxious about it#like holeeeey crap#and there's a sight singing component#last time I auditioned for them I completely shit the bed on the sight singing portion#like it was so bad#so i'm just gonna be lowkey panicking all week yay#music stuff
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This might seem like an "old man yells at cloud" situation, but it's just wild growing up and being told how dangerous distracted driving is - how, at highway speeds, you can traverse the length of a football field (100 yards, 91 meters) in a matter of seconds - how one split second sending a text while driving could result in a potential fatal crash, and then getting on the road as a driver and being surrounded by billboards. Their entire purpose is to catch one's attention, so they're lining major roads, which tend to be highways. How is it that you're told how important it is to never be distracted while driving, but still being advertised to?
At best, this type of advertising is an eyesore to pedestrians and motorists and a general waste of electricity to light it, and at worst, it is an active danger considering they are there to advertise and therefore, must catch people's attention.
I'm not even against advertising in theory, but this particular mode bothers me so much and I hate how pervasive it is - especially in large cities or highways.
#politics#i don't know much about são paulo banning marketing billboards but on paper i want that here in the USA#as a motorist it at best just makes me more anxious driving in those larger cities because i want to FOCUS ON THE ROAD#and passing 5000 billboards per mile isn't helping actually!#i've gotten good at filtering that out of my FOV but it's still fucking exhausting lol#i especially hate those modern electric billboards. despise them actually#i am aware that advertising is a critical aspect to business management in some cases...#...but it shouldn't risk the safety of the populous for you to advertise to them and i see things like billboards as risking safety...#...i feel similarly about online advertising in that so much of it risks internet user's safety...#...such as flashing ads online which risk triggering epileptic seizures in light/photo-sensitive folks#distracted driving (texting): NO >:( || distracted driving (being advertised to): YAYYYY :D#i've been driving on my own for a few years now and i've been thinking about this for ENTIRELY too long
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Transformers ARK! The Twins
Sunstreaker, the self-proclaimed "eldest" of the two is cocky and egotistical. Most bots find him hard to approach so they simply steer clear. He takes great pride in his unstable reputation, and wouldn't be caught dead doing anything to break character. The only bot who seems to be able to put up with him is his twin, Sideswipe. And even though the two are rarely apart, they sometimes seem to barely even like each other. Despite preferring isolation, Sunstreaker has always been secretly jealous of how easily Sideswipe can make friends, and how other bots like his brother over him.
Sideswipe, while just as aggressive at times, can be much more relaxed and playful than his brother. He's funny and friendly, and can quickly gain favor with others. It's unfortunate that most bots are too scared to approach him considering who he's always hanging out with. Sometimes Sideswipe is resentful of the shadow he's constantly living in, and wishes Sunstreaker wasn't setting the standards of what bots grow to expect of him.
It would probably help both of their insecurities if they weren't so codependent, but no one's had the guts to try and tell them that yet.
#transformers#Transformers ARK#TFARK#tfark fanart#tfark Sideswipe#tfark Sunstreaker#Sideswipe#Sunstreaker#transformers fanart#transformers sideswipe#transformers sunstreaker#tf fanart#maccadam#no playlists for them yet bc I havent found enough good songs im sorry lol#i am so normal about these guys btw if you cant tell#me when I have complex sibling relationships so i give every pair of siblings complex relationships#they are violently codependent LMAO#Sunstreaker has separation anxiety and needs weed gummies when left alone#except when he's anxious he just gets even more pissed off#and breaks stuff#he also has anger issues#sideswipe does too but to less of a degree#his are easier to hide#he at least LOOKS normal to other people#he is fucked up in private <3
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this might be mean but. it really ticks me off when people respond to authors and artists wishing for actual community and engagement with their works by saying "oh but you see im just so anxious i cannot offer you any kind words." with the optional "but do please keep making things for me anyway!" because like...
a) do you understand how anxiety-inducing it can be to pour a little piece of your soul into a work of art and share it publicly? i feel like you don't see the people creating these things as people like you and that is an issue. we are people who just really love a thing and want to talk about it with other people who also love that thing.
but moreover, and this is the part that might be mean, b) damn why doesn't your anxiety prevent you from making excuses to us then? i wish it did! like if you're SO anxious about a fic author blocking you for saying something nice, why are you not anxious about getting blocked for telling that author "okay but i don't want to comment on your works though"??? because i can tell you which of these two things is way more likely to piss me off and it isn't the comment.
like. idk man. if you really don't want to comment on and engage with people's creative works, no one can force you to. but also consider maybe not commenting on and engaging with those people's posts just to explain that you don't want to comment on/engage with their works. if you are so committed to staying quiet and being a passive consumer then commit to the bit and stop asking creative people who put way more of themselves out there than you are to pat you on the back and reassure you that you'll still keep getting free content even if you can't do so much as drop a "this was really good!" in the comments.
#rimi talks#like. maybe its just me but i just do not care about passive consumers#someone can love my fic more than anything in the world and reread it every single day for a week and i literally would not care#if they don't talk to me! because i have no way of knowing. they are not real to me.#like functionally someone doing that is NO different than 7 different people opening the tab and going ''i hate this nvm'' 2 sentences in.#and the people who go ''ohh but im sooo anxious i cant comment (but i can fsr tell you about how anxious i am about commenting'' are so.#newsflash i have anxiety too and i just shared 30000 words so forgive me if i kind of don't give a shit#it's just like. if you're not going to comment then don't. but don't ask me to reassure you or give you a medal for it!#sometimes the politest thing to do is simply shut the fuck up <3#like there's a time and place for talking about how you're anxious or burnt out or exhausted#and it's simply NOT when people are shouting into the void about wanting a sense of community bc they feel taken for granted.#that is not the time or place. please learn a sense of shame if manners are beyond you.
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seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.
the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.
#gav gab#sex ment#there's a running thread in the L2L cinematic universe shower sex fic#about consent and checking in and like. being cautious and careful and Aware of the other party#and whether they want to be doing what they're doing#and it is there for a reason and it is extremely meaningful to the context of what's happening#and if i see one more post mocking the entire concept of addressing consent in a fic#i am gonna heap my lid#i really do think 'consent posturing' is one of the most enraging phrases i've ever seen online tbh#and there's some stiff competition#like. wrow. lot going on THERE.#i just hate that i'm so anxious about this part of this fic#i mean im anxious about the whole thing for various reasons but#seeing those posts some of which have been reblogged by people whose opinions i do respect#has made me really embarrassed and worried about honestly one of the most Meaningful parts of this fic#and i feel like i need to pre-emptively go on the defensive or else people will think it's Bad and Stupid and He Would Not Fucking Say That#etc etc etc#like i have to pre-emptively defend myself against accusations of bad writing#and i know the answer is just to care less about Posts On Line but i would like to cordially suggest perhaps the answer is also#stop being an asshole about a preference and asserting it like it is not in fact a preference#but is instead you speaking some kind of Good Take onto the stupid brain rotted puriteen masses or whatever#i am doing better about not letting the ocd win and caring less about Posts#whatever it may appear lmao i Am doing better with that#but that doesn't mean those posts arent still mean and shitty#and generalizing a lot of weird shit into things like#'establishing consent in a sex scene' which apparently is Inherently Boring And Annoying
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one thing I have learned about being poor is that you cannot for a moment stop thinking about it
#theres no peace#every little thing reminds me we are poor#seeing friends having electricity wifi heat food gas. it all costs money. and bills and fees and charges happen all the damn time#im constantly worried that i am measing up somehow or im not keeping track of my finances properly#the person handling our disability assistance application keeps coming back with question after question about my job#and i have so much doubt and fear that ive made some mistake in my answers that will disqualify us from support#and theres this sick backwards stupid thing where applying for and being on disability support is discouraging me from trying to make money#because the more i make the less likely we'll get support but i need to make money to live#its just fucked. and once we're on support i have to make monthly reports of my income so ill feel like im explaining myself all the fuckin#time#cus the system isnt built in a way that makes sense for self employed ppl who have business expenses to account for#sorry for the ranting i cant sleep#truly truly i think poverty is making me a worse persin#more anxious more resentful more jealous more miserable more spiteful#i have so little and there is so little i can do to help it#i want things in a more desparate and even childish way than i used to eant things#spend a lot more time fantasizing about magically having expendable income#not to mention the constant exponential guilt that comes from asking for help or recieving help. its guilt i need to unlearn but i feel it
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whenever i write teenagers i always think to myself "thank fucking god im not a teenager anymore"
#not bc teenagers suck more than any other age group#but bc BEING a teenager sucked so bad#like yes i now have adult problems but i also have autonomy#i get to choose what to have for dinner and how late i stay up and where i go and what i do#and im not beholden to the social bullshittery of high school#(coming from someone who had their social life Heavily Fucked Up by high school bullshit)#i am sooooo much less insecure and anxious as i was as a teenager#still anxious. but when i think about how much more anxious i used to be it genuinely astounds me
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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so hey guys i finished dungeon meshi yesterday and i'm still thinking about it
#ria.txt#i spoiled myself so at first i was like 'this is bonkers wtf are they doing in those last few chapters?????'#but then it was like. yeah. i see#love those ch when it's just clearly putting the squad into Situations#also. izutsumi#what i really liked was how tightly the protagonist and the deuteragonist were wound up in the overall themes#the plot the themes the conflict the characters it was very neatly connected#hence i am also now accidentally invested in whatever going on between laios and marcille#not just platonic not romantic not enemies i just think they work well tgt and deeply care for each other its great watching them develop#it's the leader + most trusted advisor / anxious girlfailure + the annoying freak she's somehow attached to vibes#haha that rabbit chapter with marcille. hahha i was like what the fuck man. it was funny and then boom whump [tears streaming down my face]#those shapeshifter chs were sooo much fun esp seeing other chara's perceptions of each other. stealing that#the changeling ones were great too elf senshi is the fucking funniest he looks sooooooo unserious#marcille's evolving perception with death starting with saving falin and saving the squad and her nightmares of outliving everyone-#-and her dad and her 'temper tantrum' and UGH when at the end she said she was fine with falin not coming back.... WAAA. OUGH.#i think dunmeshi handled the trope of 'prophecy of chosen one becoming king' pretty well and it makes sense why laios is the protag#the worldbuilding is so thoughtful as well i liked seeing different characters with different worldviews interact#very solid and well rounded series wooo#the main 4 has such a fun dynamic together#anyways. dunmeshi au.....#more like borrowing the worldbuilding bc charas are too nuanced for a one to one comparison#ren is like some prince of his own species but he's like 34th in line and no one cares about him so he fucks off to eat monsters#which is why he's both snobbish AND a total freak when it comes to his food taste#false is originally in for the money from ren and plans to scam him but unfortunately the cringefail swag captures her#martyn is Obnoxiously Clueless and thinks he's smart but he's not. he's resourceful but also pathetic and crazy#stress cant cook but she thinks she does so everyone goes (≖_≖ ) when she picks up a pot. they delegate her to killing and chopping duty#the mvp is iskall who keeps on saving everyone's asses and somehow has resources for everyone#i think ren is actually aware false is going to scam him but he has too much money to spend anyway and he thinks shes cool so he lets her??#and somehow she doesnt take the money and run. and goes back to eating monsters w/ the party. everyone is crazy
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okay so if they did post something tomorrow, does anyone have any idea where they would be most likely to post? like insta or twitter seems the most likely but maybe they'll come on here to fuck with us??
#dan and phil#dan howell#phil lester#phan#dip and pip#no but seriously imagine it#october 19th#i am fucking terrified#they are making me so anxious#yet i also feel like i'm about to explode wiht excitement
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She is everything to me.
#im having a hard time today#my anxiety has skyrocketed#i can barely sleep at night#running a buisness is so fucking hard#im always stressed about finances clients training plans marketing and everything else#then my girl my heart and soul is aging#E called her an older girl yesterday and something in me broke more#she is slowing down and i think the arthritis in her elbows is more consistently bothering her#she is getting more anxious and fearful#and i feel like the part of my heart that she holds is already mourning its terrified#she is healthy#she is happy#yet she has this weird tuft of fur on her side that is unlike the rest of her coat#is it old dog coat that won't shed anymore? its longer than normal#i am retiring her from obedience this year#ASCA nationals is probably the last time I'll step into the obedience ring with her#it makes me so sad#my girl#my best girl
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"As excited as I am to have everyone see Kathy Bates deliver another incredible performance, I'm excited for people to be introduced- who don't already know how incredible Skye is." (x)
"I am having the time of my life and Jason Ritter keeps me laughing more than any human being on the planet." (x)
#matlock cbs#matlock reboot#jason ritter#skye p. marshall#listen i rarely watch tv and i HATE that the shows i make gifs of are cbs and prime(FUCK them for supporting genocide)#i just love jason skye david and leah in their employed eras#i want them to have multiple seasons and steady jobs#also i love julian and olympia's chemistry and anyone who know me knows i like exes who may or may not still have feelings for each other#i like that they are TRYING to stay civil and friendly and it seems like there is still love there(i see those smiles and stares)#sorry to elijah(he's pretty) but i prefer this trope to secret office romance(but also they were close friends!!!)#i think julian is covering up for his dad and that's why there's been such tension in his in olympia's marriage but idk#also the fact that jason is not credited in the last episode makes me anxious about something happening to him#maybe i'm wrong and julian was the one who unalived the daughter?(i kind of have a jason ritter bias and am HOPING he's not bad)#i love how in sync jason and skye are and how they seem to share similar humor?#conversely julian and elijah also seem in sync and have chemistry#they should just be a throuple /j#whether this is purely a friendship or ends up being a rekindled romance i'm here for it#wait this show has more than 12 episodes? maybe i'm not worried about him after all#i wanted jason and skye to share scenes as soon as i heard they were cast and to have them be somewhat friendly exes is such a gift to me#there was another interview where skye called jason her emotional support human#also love how happy he is for her whenever she says that this is her cinderella moment#the fact that he seems (jokingly)disappointed that julian fumbled olympia is so funny to me#''fumbled that somehow...''#''YOU LET HER GOT AWAY???'' ''i KNOW! i don't know how...''
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For anyone who might remember, this is tlouobsessed, I impulsively deleted my blog a few months ago. I used to make analysis posts on the last of us episodes and occasionally wrote a ficlet or two, I have truly missed it on here and need the comfort again, life has been...not so lovely and I desperately need the distractions . Anyways this is like a Hello Again.
#if interested I am again taking requests on analysis posts or fics you wanna see#let it be whump or fluff about joel and ellie#no x reader stuff or stuff like that#I have truly missed it on here#tlou#the last of us#the blog name is temporary#funny enough I made this blog a week ago and followed a few blogs and then deleted it again#Im an anxious mess but ahhh#Im rambeling#joel and ellie#the blog will be taking the same old route#but ofcourse now pedro has some very exciting projects lined up so we will be freaking out about that too#I kinda wanna just analyse the trailer of gladiator#It sounds so douchy when I say “to anyone who remembers” like bitch who the fuck do you think you are :D#hi again anyways#pedro pascal
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HAI it’s thumbs creature with news from Marketing!! the warning sign fish stickers are up!! along with some other random stuff we found in my desk!
this is my first time doing stickers and i’m printing them all myself and cutting them out with my own weird fins im trying my best!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ >* ))))>< ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
alternatively, if you donate $5 to the PCRF, UNRWA, the Palestinian Red Crescent or buy a esim for gaza and send a screenshot to this blog (not @third-king-of-salmonids this one! :3) and tell me which stickers/where to send i will :D
#I HOPE ITS WORKING this is legit my first time putting anything on a shop im anxious but then im anxious about most things so :)#i hope you like them??#im sorry the shipping costs money its bc i live in hell and am printing these all individually#like fuck i’m trusting stickermule or anything tbh#i have like 2 money and i’m saving for top surgery im not giving it to those fucks#i’m probably making negative money tbh but i kind of don’t care?? i just like sending ppl silly stickers :3
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thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)
#thinking about how social media doesn’t really give you the chance to choose when you’re ready to engage with the news#like I think the most healthy thing is to decide when you’re in an okay place to sit down and deal with the news#but social media is just. constant whiplash bombardment. advertisement cat video people are dying guilt trip fashion tiktok moral dilemma#anyways. dealing with some chronic pain/gi/minor dysautonomia stuff#and it is looking like the cause is a mix of hypermobile joint issues#and the side effects of being chronically stressed out and anxious for. literally my entire life#as in night terrors as a kid insomnia since infancy panic attacks starting in middle school type chronic anxiety#turns out the body being switched into fight or flight mode Constantly does in fact. fuck things up a little bit#there’s only just starting to be research into this but from how my doc explained it my nervous system is a little bit. busted#ANYWAYS. not to overshare. point is chronic health issues caused by chronic stress equals I need to get off social media#and as a disclaimer I have been to therapy (a lot) and I am on anxiety meds but my body physically does not know how to chill out#so removing stressors it is
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PETEY LORE!!!!!!!!! according to some of gary’s cut dialogue, pete was born out of wedlock and implied to have separated parents. they could also still be together and just umarried, or have since gotten married after he was born, but gary implies he’s sensitive about it so it’s more likely that they are not together and possibly not on good terms.
assuming this lore hasn’t been completely nullified since its removal and could still reasonably be considered canon, it adds a little more context to his chronic loneliness issues and validation seeking, especially when considering he’s also an only child. if he only ever lived with one parent at a time, didn’t have any other siblings or friends, and was thrown into boarding school as soon as possible, it’s reasonable to assume he didn’t get a lot of attention in early childhood which now manifests as insecurity, clinginess, and fear of rejection/loneliness. peter kowalski i know what you are (mentally ill)
(source)
#sorry didnt mean to pathologize him like that#it just rlly puts his whole… situation into perspective#yknow the whole ‘ill put up with any amount of mistreatment as long as you give me even a little bit of attention and pretend u like me’#and i feel like we know so little about him despite him being a main??? like less than is typical for this game#hes unreasonably mysterious. like i have to crack him open and see what the fuck is wrong with him for myself#literally talk to me about him any time i am ALWAYS trying to psychoanalyze his little anxious shelter dog ass#text#image#link#mine#pete kowalski#bully scholarship edition#canis canem edit#bully game#bully cce#cce#bully se
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