#like yes i now have adult problems but i also have autonomy

[courtney-deserved-better]

whenever i write teenagers i always think to myself "thank fucking god im not a teenager anymore"

[vaspider]

Spider, can I ask you and your followers for some input in a situation? I want some unbiased opinions, especially from parents of adult kids (bonus if your adult kids are disabled). I've tried to be as unbiased as possible and include both sides. I am aware that you're under no obligation to actually answer, but I'm hoping that if you're not able to provide any input, then one of your followers might be able to.

TLDR at the end.

The context:

Basically, I am an adult in my late 20s. I haven't lived with my parents since they threw me out at 19 for being diagnosed with autism and they were told that I wasn't capable of living independently without years of occupational therapy. I was homeless for 13 months. Like literally two days later, they dropped me off at work, confiscated my house keys, and said to find somewhere else to sleep because I wasn't coming back home. (My parents insist that I wasn't actually homeless because I already had my current job and was able to afford to stay at a youth homeless shelter. I say "what the fuck do you think Homeless Shelter means??") After that, I was able to get a government grant for chronically homeless youth that allowed me to get a room in a student housing complex. It's not dorms, but it works like a dorm. I do have a private room.

My bedroom of my apartment is a mess. My bedroom has always been a mess. I have AuDHD and multiple disabilities, including extreme fatigue so that's not unexpected. During lockdown, it was especially bad. I had to move out of my last apartment in 2021 because one of my roommates was a bigot and my building wanted a new tenet so they could charge more rent, so between the two of them, they forced me out for being a "safety concern" due to the mess (the roommate did things like lie and say I didn't bathe, even though I was literally still wet from the shower). My parents ended up helping me pack up my stuff and move to a new place. I've been here for a few years and my roommates here have always been okay with the mess because it stays confined to my room.

(Also I wrote this at like 5AM and I'm half asleep but I wasn't going to be able to go back to bed until I ask someone unbiased. So please excuse any typos, and I hope everything makes sense and nothing came out as gibberish because sometimes by brain refuses to Word Good.)

The problem:

My mother decided when I moved in that my dad was going to be inspecting my bedroom in order to make sure it's clean. He's been putting her off but she's been on his ass about it for three years so he's finally caved and said that next time he's here to bring me something (I cannot drive due to disabilities), that he would be inspecting my room.

I do not want my room inspected. I've been very clear about that since day one. Yes, my room is a mess, but I'm also a grownass adult. My parents say that since they've given me some money for my rent over the past few years that they're entitled to inspect my room. I say that it's a violation of my autonomy. My room is my safe space. My mother is an obsessively clean person so growing up, my room wasn't really mine, and everything had to be to her standards whether I liked it or not (including things like what color I paint my furniture that I owned).

My parents do not care about my boundaries, and would say that since I've proven incapable in the past (re: because I'm disabled, not that they'd ever admit it), that they're trying to protect me by keeping me from being kicked out again.

I am skeptical about this and believe it's more about controlling me (see: throwing me out for having autism and just generally being extremely controlling my entire life). My parents have refused to stop giving me money for my rent every now and then (I have a job and pay at least the majority of my rent, but there are some months where business is slow and I don't get many hours, and no one wants to hire me because I act Autistic and use a cane) and I end up short. I have resolved to do everything I can to not need their help, including having my sister pick up my prescriptions, in order to avoid my parents coming over and inspecting my room.

Also, my building already does quarterly inspections and they've always been okay with my room, but I know my room won't be to my parents' standards. I don't have any local friends that I could ask for help cleaning up, but like, I'm a Spoonie. I clean my toilet and then have to go lay down because I'm getting dizzy. I am not making much progress myself.

The question:

Are my parents right? Have I shown that I cannot be trusted to keep my room clean, thus entitling them to come inspect it to make sure it's not a mess. They will definitely yell at me and have threatened to withdraw what support they do give me if my room is a mess or I refuse to let them inspect it? Or am I right to put my foot down and enforce my boundaries?

Side note, my parents have a history of being abusive and controlling. That's something I had to prove to the government to get my grant. They would insist that it's not abuse. Some of it was quite bad but I'm not going to get into it here.

TLDR:

I'm an adult with disabilities who has my own apartment. My parents think they're entitled to come inspect my room to make sure it's clean. I say that it's my apartment and I say no. They have threatened to withdraw what support they do give me if I refuse. Are my parents being unreasonable, or am I the one being unreasonable for refusing?

Your parents have no right to inspect your room. You are an adult. This is your apartment, not theirs. Your mother is wrong. Your parents are being invasive. I think they think they're being reasonable bc they care about your well being, but they aren't respecting your autonomy.

Sometimes, being a parent means you gotta let your kids not do things the way you would or even not do things the way that is best for them. It's hard, but it's necessary.

If you still lived with your parents and your lack of cleanliness was affecting their lives, it might be different ... but this is just your parents being fucking weird.

[walk-to-gallows]

Mary was too much. The show spent to much time in the past they didn’t need to drag Mary back into their lives for MORE FAMILY DRAMA. There were so many options for Amara to grant Dean some wish or some desire that he wanted there was no reason to dig into his rat nest of a life and drag Mary from heaven as some gift to Dean. To me that was as bad as 11 or 12 seasons later we had to put up with meeting Sam’s imaginary friend. They didn’t ring us dry of Sam pity enough? Do we need something more weird from his life to ring the tears from us?

While I didn’t sit at home hating or blogging about her in some crazy negative way. I think I only made one post about her right after she appeared but I was happy to see her go.

Yeah, you're getting the full rant; Mary was a reclamation.

Like most horror media, Supernatural has a bad habit of fridging its female characters to give its male characters a fighting reason. Up until her resurrection, Mary was only present in the past, she was just a memory rather than a person, the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect woman because she was dead.

Of course killing off a family member is a customary trick of the trade, it’s strong stuff for motivating your characters, but when your pilot opens with not one, but two female characters being killed for the sake of their male partners arc, there’s a problem there.

Mary’s return is important for many reasons. Her presence parallels Jack’s, the ghost of the past and the hope of the future, the undead and the newly born. She represents autonomy being given to women in horror, like Kelly Kline, these women aren’t just hills for men to die on anymore.

Mary is the beginning, she’s the start of it all. Her return was hardly heralded in a way that made us expect her, but she’s not a random prize. Mary’s death has been the catalyst of Sam and Dean’s entire life, and as they move on to the future, there’s a need for them to reconcile with the past, especially with Jack’s introduction.

From this ask and your next, I'm guessing you're much more a fan of Dean than Sam, and I won't lie, my preferences lie that way too, but I fear that you're letting your biases cloud your judgement.

Mary's return has much more to do with Dean than Sam, Dean was four when Mary died, he actually remembers her. Her return spurs a whole new arc for him where he has to come to terms with her absence in his life and the glorified version of her that he grew up with as a result of his young age, Dean feels abandoned by his mother both in the past and in the present.

And once again, with Jack's introduction and Dean's role as one of his parents, there's more for Dean to move through. Dean was incredibly involved in Sam's childhood, and yet now when he's an adult he find himself often emotionally unavailable like his own father was once.

Not to mention, Sam and Dean's lives have been tightly intertwined beyond what is normal for most siblings, they've spent years apart, but they've often only had each other to rely on. Most things that concern one of them will also concern the other. Yes, Mary's return gives Sam a chance to know his mother the way he was never able to, but it also gives Dean the opportunity to reconcile with his childhood, to say things to his mother he never thought he'd be able to say, to resolve a part of his life that has been an open, festering wound.

Dean lost his father to hunting, it's something he struggles to reconcile with (which is why 14x13 is so important but that's another rant). It's part of the reason he's defensive of Sam's criticism of John, because Dean remembers a time when John was attentive and gentle, and not the soldier he regressed to.

In season 1, we see Sam learn that side of John, the part of him that put away money into a college fund for his boys, that hoped for a future free from bloodshed, and he comes to terms with the loss of a father he had never gotten the chance to know.

This is what Dean gets with Mary, the chance to know his mother as she was, as a person and an individual. The resentment that Sam carried for John is comparable to that which Dean carries for Mary, it's a one-dimensional view of their parents, anger at what they weren't just as much as what they were. Dean blames Mary for his childhood, and while I don't think the culpability rests on her, it is that unresolved anger that brings his mother back to him.

Mary gets a second chance at life, Dean gets a second chance with his mother, and he brings her back to him. I really find it difficult to understand how so many people dismiss this plot line, because not only does it parallel the way Sam and Dean slowly lost their father to the hunting life, it is a direct result of Dean's lingering anger and grief that makes Mary their mother again. She avoids them, throws herself back into hunting because it's what's familiar in this world that has aged beyond her, and the guilt of seeing her boys, who have grown despite her absence, is too much to bear. Dean forces her past this guilt, he allows her to forgive herself because he hates her for being gone, but he loves her too, and her knowing that her absence now counts as much as her absence then is what changes everything.

The character writing in supernatural is something that can be so good, I hate to see the hate-train on Mary coming at full speed because she didn't live up to audience expectations (never mind that those expectations were based on snapshots of her from her grieving husband and sons, or the younger and "innocent" version of her). Anyway, you're free to dislike Mary, at the end of the day my opinion is my opinion and yours is your own, but the fact of the matter is that Mary's return was incredibly significant for the overall plot, and Dean's character arc and growth.

[turtlesandfrogs]

I think the idea, the expectation, in my country that people should move out of their parent's homes once they've reached some level of adulthood is a tool to prevent lower income families from accumulating stability or even a small amount of intergenerational wealth. And if it's not an intentional tool, it sure works like one. Also maybe this only applies to a very narrow segmentation that I happen to inhabit, but I think it might be more broad than that.

The more I think about it, the worse it gets. What's most people's single biggest living expense? Housing. Each generation that gets booted from the family home is starting over in the quality of living race. You finish college (or high school or get kicked out at 18 or...) with no savings, no buffer, and now you have to find housing. It can be really jarring for folks, because their patents have hopefully managed to build up a little stability and quality of life, and here you are, just starting out, and in a point in life that's a huge transition and huge amounts of stress and kinda really can affect the rest of your life rather dramatically. And you're bumped all the way back to square one. You've got to find housing, and a bed, and all the other things you need to support your life in this society, from scratch.

Rich folks PAY for their children's housing, or pay their bills, or are there to support their kids in case of a financial emergency- or opportunity. Their kids get support, so if they have a fuck up, they get another chance. Folks from my income level don't get that option, their parents can't afford it.

And trust me, I get that not everyone has a family home that they want to remain in for any length of time. But the idea that young adults* should be living by themselves, that living alone is some marker of success? I think that does a lot of economic damage, but it also really feeds in to this loneliness epidemic I keep hearing about. Humans are a social species, and we do better when other people are around.

Living with other people, pooling your resources and skills, makes it easier for everyone. Yes, you have to learn to actually respect other people and their needs, communicate, learn to have autonomy and to support other peoples' autonomy, and solve problems. But other people mean you get community, you get to share labor, you get to save so much on housing and utility costs. How much less fearful would people be if they weren't living alone?

How many people could just stop working 40 hours a week if they had someone to share costs with?

*I also, by the way, think this is good for older folks and children, too. How much less stressful would old age be if folks had younger people around to do the more physically demanding tasks? To just be there in case something happens? How much better for children and parents of children if there were other adults in the home who could help out or hang out? Do you know how isolating parenthood is for so many people?

[morgana-ren]

Hmmm. This is perhaps an odd scenario to pop into my mind, but bear with me for a moment.

Now when you finally find Halsin in the Worg pens, he's being tormented by two goblin children, who, if you initiate a fight, will run away and summon a few extra guards unless you kill them first. Luckily for my soft heart, there are no consequences for that beyond three more NPCs joining the fight who aren't even very hard to kill lol

So... My mind has jumped to this scenario: we all know Astarion can be very cruel in his practical, survivalist way. Consider... Astarion's surprise when Tav, perhaps a paladin or druid or one of the goodie-two-shoes classes suddenly gets just as vicious as he, stopping him from shooting down the two little goblins and allowing them to escape. Tav almost roars their order to stop at him, as furious as the bear they just freed, and in shock he does, instead shooting down or stabbing one of the adults. They're bristling, savage in their righteous rage, teeth bare and spattered with blood after the fight ends as they snarl that there are lines they will never cross, not even for him. Their heart aches for the suffering he went through at the hands of Cazador and they want to help him achieve peace with it, whatever it takes to do so, but they don't have the luxury that he does of picking up and putting down their conscience. Unfortunately, not every time they cleave to their principles is sure to be as manageable as just a few more goblins poking their nose into a fight.

But they hold their line. No. Child. Murder. Ever. Not even goblin children.

How does Astarion handle a Tav who loves him, wants to help him, even trusts him to bare their heart and turn their back to him... But still challenges him because they remember he's still a monster and they aren't, not yet at least?

Ultimately, I think that's what Astarion needs. Desperately. He needs someone to rein in his darker urges and remind him of the humanity in him-- that he isn't the monster he thinks he is, and that he still has control over himself and doesn't have to fall into the pit of depravity just because he feels he is one.

However, what Astarion needs and what Astarion wants are two totally different things.

It's just raw pragmatism is all. Vampires have changes that happen to them that even they can't control. His desperation shows through when he's willing to feed on Tav despite being in a camp full of warriors that would almost certainly slay him if he was discovered. He needs that blood or he goes feral. He quite literally cannot help himself.

This coupled with his selfish, survivalist nature can be a recipe for disaster. It's only fair that Tav might be wary, because their morals might not align with Astarion's in any given situation, and the darker situations, like the maiming of a child, it might be difficult to know where he stands, so it's easier just to draw the line in the sand before he has a chance to cross it.

He doesn't like it. Astarion likes power. Astarion likes to do what Astarion wants to do without anyone there to question him. Astarion wants full control of his actions and autonomy-- including freedom from the consequences of those choices, regardless of how they might reflect on him.

But that's not love. Love is selfish, yes, but love is also compromise. Love is understanding and caring about your partners needs and feelings, and I think that's genuinely hard for him because it's asking him to give up the one thing he genuinely wants and strives for: Complete and total freedom.

It would take extreme tact and precision, because essentially, if his affection wanes, he has no problem walking away because the sacrifice isn't worth the benefit. He can really like Tav, but realize that he's a vampire that is essentially immortal and he can eventually find someone more suited to his tastes.

But let's assume he doesn't want to. Let's assume he genuinely loves Tav back and is willing to work.

It would still take immense tact. You would basically have to manipulate him and make him think that making the right choices is what he wants. It would have to be framed in such a way that he thinks he came to the conclusion himself. Tav might have to do a mental deep dive and try to figure out why the lines are where they are, because telling Astarion "Because it's the right thing to do" isn't going to fly.

For children, you might be able to frame it as 'They are no threat to you, it's a pointless waste of energy and arrows," or "Focus on the threat at hand. Let them run and focus on the ones that aren't."

I think it's impossible to change Astarion and make him a stereotypical 'good' guy. He is who he is and has centuries of his personality being carved into stone. He will always have to be held in check if there's something truly reprehensible he's aiming for. But you can sort of rewire his brain in a small way so that the truly dreadful things are things he won't consider because he doesn't think he wants to.

He will, essentially, always have to be babysat by a 'good' character, and it is immensely draining, but that's what it is to love a monster.

You cannot change the monster; you can work to tame it, but it will always be a monster. You can love a monster, and it may even love you, but you cannot change its nature.

What makes Astarion a monster isn't that he is a vampire, but that he knows he a vampire. He knows what people expect from him, and he doesn't really give a shit to subvert those expectations. What makes him a monster is his selfishness, and his will do to whatever it takes to be free and live the life he feels was robbed from him. Tav would be asking him to change who he is if they wanted to change that entirely, and that just won't work.

Compromise is the answer. Manipulation and compromise. You'd have to slap a leash on him without him realizing what you've done. And you'd have to make him very happy in the meantime.

[soul-dwelling]

Rambling about recent anime watching, and how it keeps coming back to Soul Eater musings. 

(Disclaimers: Despite how harsh I’m going to be, I did enjoy K-On. And I take a cheap shot at FLCL. And Bocchi the Rock is really good. Now onto the criticism.)

Years ago, when I first got to read Soul Eater NOT, my joshing of the series was that it was ripping off of K-On. 

At the time, I hadn’t watched K-On. 

But recently HiDive’s FAST channel has had marathons of it, so I finally watched it. 

And while I enjoy a lot of the anime, yeah, I can also see why the series (a bit wrongly) gets blamed for a moe trend in anime.

And maybe it wasn't entirely fair for me to compare NOT to K-On as a way to disparage either series. Granted, the K-On anime didn’t start until 2009, so in-between the first Soul Eater anime and the Soul Eater NOT anime.

And moe has its place in animation, so the problem is not moe in and of itself; the problem is whether it is done well, suits the tone, or speaks even ironically to the subject matter. And I’m not sure whether NOT satisfied all three of those criteria. 

I think both the NOT manga and anime would have been more memorable and funnier if it still leaned into the horror angles more often of the original series, such that the moe aesthetic is all the funnier when put into contrast with the scary stuff. That contrast was present enough times to show there was that potential: Patty’s Halloween ghost costume, Texas Mask, and Stein making the Eternal Feather robotic head. 

But I also wish, especially in the NOT anime, whenever the main trio confronted something really scary or serious, that suddenly the visual style would shift to the original 2008 anime character designs. Imagine if, as soon as the Eternal Feather versus Maka fight started, that the art style suddenly was exactly like the 2008 anime, immediately going into the skull-face/pig-nose. It would work on numerous levels: it’s a cheer-worthy awesome moment to see everything return to the original style; it is now a good-natured joke where maybe even the bystanders like Tsugumi have a new art style (and maybe are aware of it?) without the joke getting in the way of the seriousness of the moment; and it hypes up the fight and communicates that the tone and genre have shifted dramatically. 

In other words, I wish it was less K-On at that moment and more Bocchi the Rock with rapid-fire changes to the art style and animation. 

(Yes, I also finally got to watch some of Bocchi, so coming across it at the same time I finally got to watch K-On is something else, trying to process two completely different series that are both about quartets of high school girls playing rock music. Seriously, Bocchi is so good in terms of humor, character types, genre-bending, music, medium-shifts, actually telling a story about social awkwardness and depression...It's what those godawful FLCL follow-up series should have been like.) 

But there is something else in K-On that is an odd coincidence when it comes to Soul Eater, NOT, and Fire Force (probably only a coincidence for Soul Eater, as the K-On manga didn’t start until 2007, but more likely an influence on NOT and Fire Force): the gags that just don’t work. “Here’s the adult teacher who is way too invasive in their students’ lives, attire, privacy, and bodily autonomy.” “Here is the very serious dark-hair pigtail girl with the cat association to be the butt of gags.” “Here is the reluctant fanservice girl.” Is this how those bad corny jokes started getting really popular? Is this what leads some moe content to be repurposed by hack creators for crappy content? 

To make my point clearer, I enjoyed K-On: the plot is compelling, most jokes work, the dub especially is well acted, and the animation is good. But I still was creeped out by Sawako’s entire existence and how the story just had to decide that Mio’s victory needs to be destroyed by a fucking panty gag. 

And even if I understand the backlash against moe, or the frustration with how the moe art style can become cliche, I’m trying to be hesitant to criticize moe. 

That’s not only because that criticism then feeds bad-faith actions by the worst people on the Internet, AKA the misogynistic fuck-sticks who can go fuck off into oblivion. 

No, it’s also because that criticism can overshadow what I do legitimately see as valuable in the moe art style: the eyes can be more communicative; the cute factor can help jokes land better, the pain feel worse, or when used as a contrasting visual can make the horror elements (as with Madoka) more impactful. 

And it’d be hypocritical for me to bash K-On given how many times I have given Ohkubo’s stuff a pass despite it getting gross. 

But I also think I get now why there is trepidation around the moe aesthetic when it is misused, as I do think Ohkubo was drawing from some of its qualities in really good ways to set up Maka as the protagonist we needed in a shonen horror musical story, but he also failed to do enough creatively with it for NOT, and it seems like it was his short-cut to add pervy fanservice crap to NOT and Fire Force. 

So, again, I enjoyed what I saw of K-On. I just wish I wasn’t having to be so cautious about the series given, again, Sawako’s gross existence and the bad luck Mio and to some extent Azusa have in it. And I wish I wasn’t having to be so cautious about the series when it should be blameless just because I happen to recognize potential parallels between what it was going for with its moe style, and how Ohkubo pulled from that same style to meet his gross aims (Tamaki). 

[herbirdglitter]

Clinically insane things my siblings have said to me, in no particular order:

*mild trigger warning for my little sis hitting me (not hard enough to make me bruise, I was fine)*

-“you’re lucky I haven’t killed you yet” my little sister while cackling psychoticly.

-when I was telling my oldest sister my little sis was hitting me, just whenever I’d walk by her, she’d hit me as hard as possible “I can’t support you because you don’t support them one hundred percent which is the same as not supporting them at all.” She was also talking about my 12 year old brother who’d just stolen the car

- one of the middle sisters told me standing up for people when people were being rude to them in front of me was something I needed to work on. I have screenshots of that one.

-My little sister was logged into her Instagram on my phone so I kept getting her notifications and I kept reminding my siblings I could see what they were saying to her and they kept saying things like “she has the emotional maturity of a two year old” so I screenshotted it to show to my therapist so we could talk about it and my little sister saw those screenshots when she borrowed my phone to take a picture, told my other siblings and then they all said I have problems respecting boundaries.

-oh and because one time I took some group photos with some friends that my little sis was in that she knew was going to be sent to the group and I sent it to a friend to pass on since I didn’t have everyone’s numbers and then my little sister didn’t like the photos and suddenly, because I didn’t ask her before sending them, I was violating her boundaries, even though I immediately stopped them from being sent when she said they didn’t want them sent and now three of my sister insist I don’t know how to respect peoples boundaries

-speaking of boundaries, one time for several months straight, my parents and two siblings where did in full on yelling fights every single day and somehow every single person was the most irrational person in to world and I was having to play mediator and eventually they reached a compromise where the little kids would listen and do their punishments if I approved the punishments to make sure they weren’t insane, and so I was having to make decisions like that and eventually I managed to set some boundaries and told my little sister I couldn’t do it anymore and she yelled at me for a solid hour and told me it was my job to parent them because our parents were bad at it. I was 17.

- relatedly, my oldest sister told me one of the reasons she had to take a step back from our relationship was because I kept making decisions for my little sister. Which said little sister asked me to do. And then yelled at me when I stopped.

- the other reasons included “you actively participate in taking away your sister’s autonomy” my parents told her she had to stop relying on vegan meat and cheese substitutes and try and get more protein from natural sources like beans etc because it was getting expensive and I said that made sense. That’s what that was about.

- oh and I respond emotionally too things instead of logically when they’re saying mean things about me to me, I respond aggressively (not physically, I’m supposed to sit there and take it I guess honestly idk about that one)

- oh this one was good. One of the reasons was that I apparently treat my little sister like I know better than her about what’s best for her own life. For context, I’m four years older than her, an adult, and when most of this was going down, she was about 14-15. And she’s crazy. Yes. Yes I do feel like I know better than her sometimes. ?????

- add several paragraphs of the most common condescending speech you can imagine of what essentially amounts to “you’re perspective is so limited, I’m not going to speak to you until you move out because then you’ll agree with me” which like no once I move out I’m still going to be upset you didn’t support me and said mean things to me idk girl anywho

- word for word “explaining your actions is the same as defending them”

- little sister constantly and sincerely telling me I’m dumb whenever I disagree with her (she is not picking up good habits from the older kids, poor thing)

-Oooh one time they all decided to stop telling me things about their lives on the off chance I might mention it to the parents, instead of you know, asking me not to tell them things. And I was like, has it occurred to you I might talk to the parents so much (they suck) because I’m incredibly isolated and certain siblings just stop talking to me at random? And my older sister was just like “yes” and that was that.

This is not a comprehensive list.

[reyesmarconi]

So let's say Charles is dating someone who has children already...how does he interact with them that differs from how he interacts with Cael...

there’s also some things that are important to note in regards to his relationship with his own son:

charles has experienced first hand what it’s like to deal with a man who acts as though he owns you simply because he played a part in your conception, and to this day charles has a lot of autonomy issues from that, so he did a hard 180 in how he raised cael.

cael is 19 at the moment, and a really mature (or rather, responsible) and self-sufficient 

at this point in time, while charles is still very much the adult in the relationship, they converse and solve problems in such a relaxed, straight forward matter that charles doesn’t often (or ever) need to pull the “i’m your father so you need to do as i say” card with him. they talk as though they are equals, which they are to some extent.

they just have similar ways of looking at the world and at things. they know that good arguments are all that’s needed to make the other change their mind, or at least compromise.

so how he interacts with cael is kind of relaxed and easy going and very “adult-like” at this point. this is because of cael’s age, and because of how their personalities work together.

now, as for how he interacts with a partner’s kids, again, it comes back to the age and it also comes back to the energy the child gives him (yes, the “vibe”). charles is attuned to this kind of thing. he will alter his behavior accordingly to what he’s given – if the kid asks questions, is curious, is involved, charles will be communicative, will be attentive, will try to satisfy the kid’s curiosity. if the kid is friendly and affectionate, charles will be playful and match in friendliness. if the kid is reserved and guarded, charles will give them space and let them come around on their own accord. he will not press them or push them, and he will simply treat them respectfully and mind his business.

now when it comes to age, the things above apply. with kids he’s quite gentle, and with teenagers he is patient. he does not expect to be liked right off the bat and he expects suspicion, aloofness and wariness on their part. and when it comes to the kids of partners he’s been dating for quite a while, it goes without saying that he’s not gonna spontaneously try to parent them. he knows how much he would hate that if he were them. if the relationship has reached a serious, stable enough point, it’s likely that charles will want to have a conversation on how involved they (his partner) want him to be in the parenting process. it’s a boundary that needs to be discussed explicitly. once it’s discussed and outlined is that he will proceed. his parenting style will not suddenly change for them. the only difference that i can imagine is that charles may not be as… let’s say… paranoid. he would still like to be a teacher, and teach the kid about survival skills and martial arts and what not, but he wouldn’t press them so much if they showed no interest about it. in other words, he would be chiller.

[cute-little-fly]

I think he proved that enough by raising Octavia during her entire life. That is a sacrifice that I don’t understand why people oversee that much. He spent all his younger years raising a child and suffering in a loveless marriage. Octavia has been his everything during most of his life and that is also something not healthy for an adult. All adults should have some life besides their children (of course, without neglecting them and they are the priority). But, that is enough to see that he cares, however I guess you are trying to say he never does anything to prove to her he cares NOW while we are watching the show and that I get it.

Their falling out is recent, but it exists. In recent times Stolas hasn’t been able to keep the same bond and care he had with her, and what she asks about him as a caretaker is different than before. He is also more exhausted about enduring the marriage for such a long time and probably his depression even if it is treated with pills started to get worse with years, because you also need to get away from what it triggers it. But there is more to it.

I think Stolas has two main problems (a main one and a recent one) with raising his daughter now.

1. He approaches situations as if Octavia was still a child, and he hasn’t build her up to prepare for autonomy of being an adult because he also lacks that. For example, taking her to Loo Loo land because of what was happening that day in the household, instead of really open the feelings of both of them about the situation as people. But now she is a teenager and he struggles with understanding how to deal with her.

We need to remember that he was barely raised and that he was married to Stella very young. He has no example how to deal with a child that is still a child but is starting to grow up. Probably when she was a child hugging her was enough to solve problems, but those problems were easier. Now that she is grown up their bond is complex and she will ask him accountability for his promises and acts.

2. This is recent and started when the show began. Stolas get too caught up in his fantasy, and he as someone that has never drifted apart from the path set to him, doesn’t know about consequences. Yes, is liberating to be able to decide for yourself and for your happiness. But how you do it and why has consequences. This is what he realizes in this episode. We have to realize he was never able to be a teenager that did stupid things and fucked up. He is basically a 30 year old teenager in his emotional development.

I think he started really failing to her deeper after Blitzø and the divorce. Because in Loo Loo Land she is annoyed by him, but not really hurt, she just hates the situation and it fixes easier and she fears he will go away. In Seeing Stars she is very much heartbroken because he wasn’t able to keep a promise very important to her. So, overall I think this was well constructed. How the pain started to accumulate and went just from a fear of abandonment to disappointment and then anger; because he started to fail at things that we’re important for her, and then he left.

I think perhaps the series failed to show moments where he tried to make things better besides apologizing. The only two situations we have to judge their entire relationship are two episodes, and the episodes are designed to show the bond starting to break each time more until the collapse. So, no good things are shown from Stolas part but I can’t believe that the time that passed between those episodes didn’t had any good moment between them.

This series tend to not show everything and likes to focus in a lot of things. While that is cool, there will be always some missing details for good context and a lot of people expect things being more clearly shown. So, I kinda agree with this criticism of the series as a whole, and I like that now they are having more episodes per season. However, I think the episode did a good job in having a balanced and nuanced take of things.

I actually liked that all backfired to Stolas until Sinsmas, because it made it very much impactful as an episode and for his development.

I simpathized with both of them in the episode and I think the episode wanted us to understand both of them. If not, why give Octavia such a good song explaining her complicated feelings towards his father? I don’t understand what people mean with: “the show wanting us to sympathize with Stolas” if the point is illustrating the tragedy of both.

The show would be worse if they don’t give Stolas hurt point of view don’t you think? He might have failed her and all of that but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt him. That doesn’t mean that when he says he loves her he doesn’t mean it. He is not good at showing, and doesn’t give to her what she really needs, but sometimes people just don’t know how to properly love.

At end, Stolas recognizes he caused this, and he brought this to him and doesn’t blame Via at all. I would love that people is more open to interpretations while watching this series, because I know is flawed and I understand why people don’t assume some things that are not shown if you are not like obsessively looking for details. But I like that too. This is probably why a lot of fans of this series are autistic people xD.

But still, complaining that one character is sad and that is used to make him sympathetic is weird because it is acknowledged he failed, even if it came until this episode. So, should they show he doesn’t care? Wouldn’t that be worse? What should the episode have done then? I don’t understand that part of the criticism, but I understand that the build up needed more nuance and Stolas showing his care more for a lot of people. For me the entire family flawed dynamic and how they are co-dependently bonded explains it a lot.

About sismas,I'm gonna say,I don't think stolas real mean by saying he cares for Octavia. I understand that the man has been through a lot and I understand,but honestly,I never see the owl try to prove what he say is true. He may say he care for Octavia,but we all know,that's he's just bluffing. Like,he's saying this so he can make himself feel better and want Octavia to believe the man like he always do except she didn't and she is rightfully angry at him. Honestly,I really really don't get the show wants us to sympathize with stolas when he already lose a lot of his chances.

I did some research both on the hazbin wiki and through social media and from what I have seen, the spindlehorse crew seem to be AWARE that Stolas fucked up and he is flawed like everyone else but they aren't really good at showing that in any of the episodes. I think the closest they got to him having a proper introspection instead of fans relying on asking the show creators personally was his whole crash out in sinsmas.

I did like what they were going for when Octavia got angry at him because he has let her down time and time again and simply telling someone how much you love them over and over isn't going to cut it forever. I think it could've been a great story on generational trauma in a different way, where the parent is actually better then the grandparent in terms of raising kids but the bar is already set so low and the lifestyle the parent grew up along with other factors like his affair often impedes on his relationship with Octavia.

I am hoping that season 3 will TRY to show this more in the show instead of having to ask everyone on Twitter. It would not only help will Stolas's reputation given how it's been declining thanks to the characters actions along with the show being poor with proper portrayal but it would take so many tropes and make something unique out of it.

But this is the same show that wasted every opportunity to make Stella interesting so I'm not gonna raise expectations so high and Vivzie is showing signs of bias for her characters so the whole self awareness might not stay for long.

Something a little extra: I'm a little worried about how Vivzie is going to write Millie now that we know she's pregnant. Millie in season 1 was kind of always in a box with two personality traits which were loving Moxxie and being a brutal powerhouse and you'll probably remember how people complained about that and it did not help the allegations that Vivzie was a tad sexist.

my favorite parts of season 2 were almost all Millie related since she was now finally leaving that box of two personality traits and went into more depth about her relationship with Blitzø, her family, her job, how she feels about being away from home, all of that. It was exciting to see the improvement in the writing in some places but now that Millie is confirmed pregnant I'm worried Vivzie is going to put her in a box again, that'd be really disappointing given how much we get to see.

Only time will tell I guess.

[olreid]

How did you feel about the reveal that Aurora (and the New Fenian) was dreamt by Niall but with input from Mór? Less of a situation of dreaming a pliant forever loving wife. I think it adds so much to Mór's choices, and also the wider narrative of dreamers who are wracked by darkness and pain dreaming people who are more capable of lightness and joy, but I'm still very curious to see what Aurora's experience of it may be and what questions it raises of autonomy and nature/nurture and creation. Would love to hear your thoughts on whether or not it changed your opinion on the Lynch Family Dynamics.

hmm i mean yes mór contributed but it still was explicitly a case of someone dreaming a pliant, forever loving wife, just with mór's sign-off and input. while we had previously thought that niall maybe dreamt aurora without mór's knowledge, thus violating aurora and mór, we now know mór consented to that process. but that doesn't change the fact that aurora was created specifically to be obedient and subservient in certain ways, and to carry out reproductive labor that neither mór nor niall was particularly interested in taking on themselves; they created a person whose entire purpose was to be less than a person, to be void of agency and autonomy, and that is a terrible thing to do. for that reason, it doesn't really change how i feel about the dynamics of lynch family 2.0; aurora's presence in the family is still just as fucked up as ever, perhaps more so because not one but two grown adults thought it appropriate to bring her into being for the sole purpose of mothering ad infinitum. it does help us get to know mór better, but i just have to be honest in not really finding her whole deal that interesting lol sorry! she was one who i felt suffered for greywaren's disjointedness and came off as pretty flat/like mstief was using her as a (shoddy!) solution to narrative problems rather than actually trying to create a fully fleshed out person.

re: the angle of "dreamers who are wracked by darkness and pain dreaming people who are more capable of lightness and joy," it doesn't hold a lot of interest for me personally due to it feels reductive of dreams' emotional complexity... to imply that dreams are not also wracked by darkness and pain is i think false; they experience much pain and suffering stemming from the fact that those around them often don't recognize them as fully agentic beings as well as from the tension which arises between their static dreamt purposes and their mutable human desires. conversely, even dreamers who feel themselves incapable of lightness and joy are shown to be capable of those very things, just incapable of recognizing their capacities for such. so i'm not as interested in drawing such distinctions between dreams and dreamers as i am in investigating what prompts the characters to draw and maintain those false distinctions in the first place, if that makes sense.

my investment in how dreaming functions in the series stems mainly from reading dreamers as people who are imbricated in dysfunctional family systems using dreaming as a method of outsourcing labor - often emotional labor - that they are unable or unwilling to perform within the context of said family system, whether because a given dream is able to express those repressed emotions or because a dream functions as a receptacle for abuse which is its own form of emotional release. i read your ask's framing as focusing more on the dreaming as art angle, whereas i tend to read dreaming more along the axis of what it has to say about reproduction, both literally as in creating people but also in the sense of reproducing emotional patterns and ways of coping (or not coping) with repressed traumas.

but that's not to say your reading isn't textually grounded also, and that's part of the messiness that comes with the dreaming in tdt as a metaphor that is supposed to operate on several registers simultaneously. all told, we have: (1) dreaming as metaphor for artistic practice, (2) dreaming as metaphor for mental illness, (3) dreaming as metaphor for chronic illness/disability [which is of course not necessarily separate from mental illness but separated here just for broad thematic purposes], (4) dreaming as reproduction/childbearing.... probably other more minor ones i am forgetting.. ultimately i think mstief puts too much weight on this device and it can't do all of the thematic work that's set out for it, as evidenced by the tension that arises when, for example, you try to read dreaming as both artistic production and literal reproduction; i have a hard time focusing on the art reading when what's being produced is often a literal person with their own subjectivity and agency rather than an inert art object. anyway

[toastandjamie]

I have- so many feelings. I’ve been trying to write an analysis since last night but everything I wrote is incomprehensible so this is an attempt: advanced apologies. Originally I wanted to make a post about C!Quackity and C!Tommy’s relationship but then it got me thinking of talking about what makes Tommy so vulnerable to manipulation even incidentally which brought me to Wilbur and Techno. So I’ve decided to just make a mishmash comparing Tommy’s relationships to these three complicated people.

Starting with Quackity I think we can all agree, Quackity GETS Tommy. In a way others on the server(like Fundy or Foolish) just straight up don’t. Quackity treats Tommy a lot like he treats Slime, with this understanding that Tommy isn’t like everyone else and won’t respond to things like others would. Because Tommy in spite of everything really does act like a kid. He acts out because of boredom or frustration especially when he’s ignored. Often others get frustrated when dealing with Tommy, but Quackity has this odd level of patience different from say Sam, Puffy or even Foolish in that he puts himself at Tommy’s level. At the start I think this was just a genuine attempt at having fun with our chaos raccoon but at the moment it’s almost patronizing(a reoccurring theme). Quackity understands that pushing Tommy will only result in property damage, but he also knows that he can’t let him run around unsupervised(because property damage). When Quackity is unaware that Tommy is listening he sounds more than a little frustrated at his antics, but then Tommy throws on a pair of pants claiming to be called Trousers and insists that he is not in fact Tommyinnit. Quackity plays along, he doesn’t try and force Tommy to stop, he humors him. This is something Quackity does a lot with Tommy, and it’s why Tommy still seems to have positive feelings towards him. Quackity humors him the way adults will humor a child who’s insisting that they are a wizard. Through this lense(which I think Quackity is fully aware of) he’s able to get Tommy into a less aggressive state and get information out him. Like why he’s working with Wilbur, and Tommy’s feelings about it. Which also unfortunately makes him super easy to use. I think in the future as Quackity slowly succumbs to the inevitable power hungry corruption that’ll bury whatever soft spot he has for Tommy, we’ll see Quackity take advantage of Tommy’s blatant abandonment issues using the trust he’s built through these small appeasement based interactions.

Moving on; C!Wilbur Soot! This is a land mine let me tell you. Because Listen, Wilbur is obviously, severely traumatized and mentally ill. I don’t think Wilbur necessarily has any malicious intentions towards Tommy. But unfortunately this bad boy is backing a fuck load of unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors. Such as his possessive streak! We saw with L’manburg the whole “if I can’t have you no one can!” Mentality, which has now been transferred to Tommy. It’s a move to assert his control over a situation and unfortunately for Tommy he’s a prime vessel for this behavior because he has absolutely no concept of healthy boundaries! Since his backstory and relationships are a bit blurry we can’t make any definitive explanation for where this came from but for the sake of argument let’s say Tommy has known Wilbur since he was young, and Wilbur was always someone with a possessive personality(albeit less obvious due to the fact that he wasn’t traumatized yet). Being raised by or around someone who never sets boundaries with you can lead to a person growing up not able to do so themselves. And wouldn’t you know it Tommy has clearly never had a stable healthy relationship because all of them have been transactional or codependent. Which is, bad.(shout out to Tubbo and Ranboo though for trying to enforce healthy boundaries sadly though the timing of this separation couldn’t have been worse). Currently I think it’s safe to say Wilbur and Tommy have a codependent relationship. One with a very clear imbalance of power, comparable to a codependent parent-child relationship. In which Tommy excuses Wilbur’s bad behaviors out of a sense of responsibility, this feeling that because they’re “family” he owes it to Wilbur to stay by his side. Not to mention how Tommy obviously craves guidance and leadership from paternal/fraternal figures, which he originally found in Wilbur(later in Dream, Techno and Sam afterwards). Tommy very clearly desires a family structure in which he is loved and protected no matter what, and Wilbur fills that role easily and willingly. Wilbur wants someone who’ll be loyal to him and will never leave or betray him, and Tommy wants someone who’ll protect and care for and, say it with me boys, will never leave or betray him. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting someone to be there for you, but because of their complexes and traumas these feelings of fraternal affection are twisted into a relationship lacking boundaries and for Tommy, complete absence of autonomy. Only doing things because Wilbur wants him to me, because he wants Wilbur to be happy and Wilbur is never wrong. Not a good mindset to have when dealing with someone like Wilbur who is destructive as a means of coping.

Lastly another landmine, in the form of Technoblade! Ah yes, bedrock bros. We love them and miss them. But newsflash guys they ALSO had an unhealthy transactional relationship! But here’s the thing about unhealthy relationships, sometimes people are just not good for eachother. There’s no bad guy or good guy. No ones in the right or wrong. They just, weren’t good for eachother. Now whether this was situational or not can only be answered if they reconnect with healthier mindsets but for now we’ll say it’s situational. Obviously, Tommy was clearly in a bad place. Just barely managing to escape exile after a narrowly thwarted suicide attempt: now packing a whole slew of issues, from paranoia, depression, fear of abandonment, low self worth, and just general debilitating stress. Techno was ALSO in a bad place, he just hides it under a sense of self righteous justice: like guys, his only friend was put under house arrest because of him associating with him, and he was then executed under the threat of death of his faithful horse companion. Techno was angry and blinded by revenge. A bad mix when you toss in a traumatized codependent teenager desperately searching for someone to fill the empty void of fraternal leadership left by Wilbur’s death. Tommy really just wants someone to tell him what to do, like let’s not kid ourselves here. Techno offered Tommy protection from Dream, which yay! But also creates an unbalanced power dynamic(bringing that one back!). I genuinely believe that it wasn’t Techno’s intention, but the thing is, the relationship became transactional: a “I’ll protect you and take care of you if you do what I say and help me.” Type scenario. It was impossible for Tommy to really comfortably say no, at risk of being tossed out of straight up given to Dream to face whatever horrible consequences running away had. BESIDES that, they are just two very different people who had very different priorities. Techno wanted vengeance against L’manburg, Tommy wanted to be protected but always had the intention of returning to L’manburg one day(clearly believing getting the discs would be a catch all problem solver). These two priorities are in direct conflict with eachother; as a result they’re partnership would never have worked in the long term. Here’s the kicker to what makes this relationship so unhealthy though, because those things in isolation don’t make an unhealthy relationship but the fact that Tommy’s poor mental state fueled by Techno’s blood seeking revenge made him act in ways HE deemed wrong, makes it unhealthy. Tommy wasn’t lying, being with Techno made him become a person he didn’t want to be, and it’s NOT Techno’s fault. It was the unfortunate consequence of their opposing view points and unhealthy mental states. Perhaps in a world where the Butcher Army never existed the Bedrock Bro’s team up could have been a moment of healing for both characters; but alas that was not the world we are privy to in canon.

Yeah so that’s it for now I guess

[picnokinesis]

ok djdjdjdj on a more serious note if you’d like to talk about control and lack thereof as a theme in campervan I am All Ears, and adding even More Ears if you’d like to tie that back to how that plays with 13’s amnesia, and Even More Ears if you’d like to look at how that theme gets declined in the different AUs, and so many more ears if you decide to throw Kosch into the mix (pls don’t ask me where I got all those ears)

You take off your anon shades and reveal that you're actually 17 ears in a trenchcoat -

BUT YES oh my days so the idea of control (and lack thereof) is woven into a LOT of campervan au. A lot of the Doctor's issues (and Koschei's, actually) stem from a lack of control, and that feeling of needing to be in control. Like, for example, her attachment issues and how she has a tendency to push people away comes from (in part) the fact that she got moved around a lot from an early age thanks to the foster care system. So then that lack of control means that now, in her adult relationships, she's constantly bracing herself for people leaving her, and often she'll try and take back control by then being like Actually I'm Leaving Them (see: the scene at the end of campervan part 2 when she's awful to Graham - because she'd rather cut the strings herself than have the rug pulled out from underneath her). And it's genuinely so sad because she has so many good friends she's just incapable of really seeing it, and seeing that she can actually go back and talk to them even though they're not hanging out anymore, or they've drifted apart. For example - take Martha, or Amy and Rory, or Jack. She could go back and talk to them easily, and they would be so happy to hear from her. But she doesn't see that.

But then how it plays into her amnesia is also really interesting, because that's all about these instincts and fears that she can't shake but can't explain either. Her fear of hospitals is a great example - because she can't control it - she has these instincts she can't understand and can't fight, and she hates that. It really scares her, sometimes. And the not knowing is what makes it so hard - because maybe if she knew, she could rationalise it, understand why she's scared and do something to work around it. But she can't even do that. And immediately after the crash, that was particularly blatant, because she really needed to go to hospital, and she couldn't. It's even worse in anterograde (for many OTHER reasons besides) because she knows why she's scared, but she can't remember enough of what's happening around her to keep track of what's going on, and also she can't develop any trust with anyone (not that she would anyway hahah but when she only has 2-3mins to work with immediately after the injury, it's absolutely impossible). And so then what happens is she doesn't open up, she can't explain that there is a problem or what the problem is, and then they (understandably) try and take her to hospital, and she panics. And it means that when Grace just mentions that she's a nurse, or tries to offer to look at the head injury, the Doctor (in both verses) is immediately trying to prove that she's Perfectly Fine, Actually and that she doesn't need any help, because the idea that people will realise that she isn't ok (especially in anterograde) and then decide to make decisions for her, take away that control and take her to hospital, is absolutely terrifying to her.

And then in anterograde in general, the control thing really comes in, because there's a lot of exploration of disabled/vulnerable people being able to make their own decisions and have autonomy. Because, frankly, the Doctor loses a lot of her independence in that au just because of the nature of her injury, and a lot of times there are other people who end up making decisions for her, or not telling her things because 'she'll forget anyway', or intentionally not telling her things so they can take her out of a situation and into a new one, knowing that she'll forget, and then say oh yeah you've been with me this whole time, when she has not. And the Doctor realises all these things are happening, and then starts fighting very hard against it, because in this au in particular she is desperately trying to get that sense of control back in her life, because losing control of how she lives her life is probably her worst nightmare ahaha. Like, she says at least once, even if the decisions and choices she's making are bad, she still has that right to make those choices. She made bad choices all the time before her injury, and no one stopped her then - so why should they stop her now, just because she can't remember things?

And then, naturally, it plays into ziptie au in a more literal way, because the Doctor and Koschei end up captured, forced to do stuff against their will, and then ziptied together for a significant amount of time even once they've escaped, so they have very literally control over their situations. And then neither of them can go where they want because they have to stick together, whether they like it or not, until they can get those ties cut, which means they both end up arguing a LOT and both getting extremely stressed out and frustrated with each other, among other things (like pulling at each others wrists and yanking each other across car parks HAHA). But then it gets interesting because the whole thing also heightens their co-dependency, which means even when they do get the ties cut, they end up sticking together anyway - because even though they both can't stand each other in many ways, they can't stand the thought of separating from each other either. The Doctor, in particular, doesn't want Koschei to disappear from her life because he holds the key to her past, to all of her memories - and if he goes, she might never find out the answers she needs. As it happens, she ends up finding out in a really terrible and confusing way anyway which doesn't help her at all.

And then in redacted au the Doctor basically gets a lot of choices stripped away from them - but then they gets given the chance to start making choices, suddenly. And this au is a lot about them learning how to make their own choices again, and then the consequences of the choices they make.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Look my point is that if you have fucked up for real and your intent is to apologize do not look at me like that emoji.

An appropriate time to look at me with the emoji face is if we were dating and you did something -something we discussed as okay to act out with- specifically because you have a discussed kink about me getting mad at you and spanking you for it, and at no other fucking time.

What you do not do, as another grown adult, is violate a boundary I have described to you, say "sowwy" and then hit me with one of these:

And stare expectantly at me like a bratty sub waiting for a response.

Or do this face while slowly walking away and looking back repeatedly at me like this like I am supposed to say something to you.

Yes it has the affect of having your metaphorical tail between your legs but it actually makes me really fucking angry, because:

It has given me 0 assurances you won't just turn around and do the same thing again, thus making you unsafe for me to be around

You have made your transgressions against me about managing -your- emotional response

You have typically made it clear by then that all conflict to you is "two sided" and a game of saying sorry and being "forgiven" so you can both move on and pretend nothing happened, when to me that is not resolving anything [because it leaves open the continued danger of it happening to me again] and in fact communicates that you don't think I am facing any real consequences for your actions. Nobody who makes this face at me as a grownup doesn't also turn around and act like I should forget to be angry after 10 minutes because consequences to them are purely emotional and I should be 'over it by now'.

And gosh I wish I didn't have 50 half baked rants about this but you would be surprised how often grown adults in my life will do things like:

Expose me to an allergen or virus that is incredibly dangerous to me by doing something to my body or my stuff I explicitly asked them not to and already explained why

2. Tried to force me to kiss them or have other physical contact with them

3. broken something expensive that's mine or shared after doing something with it I explained not to do after they agreed not to do that thing

4. Otherwise violated my autonomy or consent in various ways including cheating on me and lying about it or having put something in my food, or being caught lying about their sexual history

5. Admit to maliciously undermining my social relationships to isolate me or out of spite, or admit to posting publicly about my location etc... Something that forces me in or out of contact with other people against my will.

And then they fucking hit me with one of these and "sorry" and maybe even shaking or big hot tears... Like that's going to do anything and then fucking wait there staring at me for a response after I tell them to get lost.

I should not have to point to the nearest door and tell you to leave because the script in your head got stuck on "Wait to be forgiven."

And it's gotten to the point where I cannot see someone make this stupid face, after having done something genuinely harmful, without it making me furious.

Fine used to do this all the damn time. In like a hyper exaggerated "not sure I am making the right face hard enough because I am not getting a response" kind of way. And it drove me fucking nuts.

Like people making this face are clearly staring at me expecting something, and I'd say I don't know what the fuck they want, but I can probably guess, and they aren't getting it.

And like yeah, forcing kids to apologize is part of it. Giving them the "i'm sorry vs you're forgiven" script to follow at all is a problem, but it's one part of a larger cultural problem we have with practicing understanding how our actions actually impact other people. Parents set on pretending nothing is wrong 10 minutes after any incident are also part of the problem just as much as parents who stay mad at you indefinitely or make you feel like once you fuck up there's nothing you can do about it. Culturally we have a really strained relationship with understanding -consequences- especially for people more vulnerable to harm than us, and we have a really broken and strained notion of what "accountability" even means.

I did not know what that emoji was called before today.

Do you know how I found it? I searched "sub face emoji"... And found it instantly, because that's what it fucking looks like. It -looks- like you are asking to be playfully spanked about something because you think that whatever you did doesn't have big enough consequences not to be immediately forgiven if you look cute/pathetic enough.

And when I see grownups make this face at me it makes me want to scream.

Not to mention grown adults who pout and stare at you afterward like they expect you to placate them about their guilt, if they were cute enough growing up, omg...

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - The King and Queen of Hearts

The existence of this episode just baffles me, as it undermines so much of what season three was trying to accomplish. 

Summary:  Rapunzel continues to try and restore the memories of her parents, King Frederic and Queen Arianna, and hopes to use the journal of Herz Der Sonne to remind them, but they do not understand the significance. Arianna still lusts for adventure, while Frederic cannot get over his obsession of egg collecting. Rapunzel recruits her friends to try and set up the perfect date for them and while they cannot find anything in common personality wise, they share a mutual love for Rapunzel. However, King Trevor arrives with the intent to woo Arianna using an ocean crystal he found.

So What Exactly Is the History Here? 

We have no context for this sudden love triangle. All we know is that Trevor hates Frederic because he’s still in love with Arianna who wound up marrying him instead. 

But like, I don't know why Arianna married Frederic. I don’t know why Trevor is still hung up on her years later. Did she actually choose Frederic or was it an arranged marriage cause that’s what royalty did back then? Was she having an affair with Trevor this whole time but couldn’t/wouldn’t leave because of duty? Was she and Trevor pining star crossed lovers, or is Trevor just an incel? 

I know what the story wants me to assume; that Arianna deeply loves Frederic and that Trevor is just a jackass loser; but the series has done such a poor job of making Frederic likable and giving him and Arianna any sort of chemistry that I’m inclined to side with Trevor. 

For all we know, he may be trying to rescue Arianna from both her memory loss and her abusive relationship while at it. Especially now that she’s no longer needed as a ruler and has no reason to stay in Corona. 

Why Not Just Use the Potion from Rapunzel: Day One? 

While any Varian cameo is appreciated, it doesn’t add thing to the story. In fact it only raises more questions. We already had a cure for the memory loss, why aren’t we using it? 

Even if we write it off as Rapunzel no longer having that particular Saporian spellbook on hand, she still has a whole dungeon full of actual Saporians who know magic that she could gain information from! There’s also Xavier, who already knows everything under the sun about Saporian/Coronian history and magic and owns spellbooks galore. You’re telling me he just has mood potions lying around but can’t brew up a cure for memory loss? 

Then there’s also the fact that the amnesia spell doesn’t work on Rapunzel’s parents the same as it did on Rapunzel and we’re never given a reason why. Like just some basic consistence is all I ask show. 

I also can’t figure out what Varian is even trying to do here. Where’s is the science to this? What does strawberry goop and lighting have to do with memory? It’s just a cheap reference to Frankenstein and nothing more.  

We’re Already Pass Seven Months Since Rapunzel’s Return. 

Ok, I have gotten into frequent debates with people about the timeline of season three. Many a story board artist and writer on the show have came forward and stated that season three was only one year. But the very existence of this episode disproves them! 

If you remember season one, Hearts Day took place after the Goodwill Festival, but before Queen for a Day. Even when putting episodes back into their intended production order that still remains true. 

Hearts Day has to be at least seven months past Rapunzel’s birthday, if not eight months, because the Goodwill Festival is six months past and her parent’s anniversary (QfaD) is nine months past. 

Now Rapunzel’s Return has to be Rapunzel’s 20th birthday because season two was a full year, and even if you say it’s not, then that still doesn’t explain Once a Handmaiden (the Goodwill Festival) coming after this episode.  

And no you can’t move the episodes around, Once a Handmaiden has be the second to last episode of the series and Under Raps always comes after Rapunzel’s Enemy in any order you watch the series in. 

No matter how you slice it, we’re missing a birthday episode for Rapunzel and season three has to be more than a year; a year and a half at the very least, if not two full years.  

Look I’m not trying to be disrespectful of the talented artists who worked on this show, but their word isn’t law. The very fact that they’ve had to tell us the timeline after the series was over with indicates bad writing, and the very fact that the show itself contradicts them indicates either a lack of communication behind the scenes or a lack of editorial oversight. Either option is just poor management. 

We Have Yet Another Failed Narrative Promise! 

Are we seeing a pattern yet? 

This is the third time in a row where the episode flat out states that Rapunzel needs to learn something and then, just, never has her learn it; four if you count her non-apology to Varian. Instead the show rewards her for her bad behavior by just giving her want she wants on a sliver platter for no adequate reason. 

In fact, one could argue that this episode is the worst offender in the show because divorce is a real thing real kids have to go through. Children that will undoubtedly watch the series. 

How upsetting would it be to such a child to watch Rapunzel force her parents back together  with zero consequences and realize that they can’t do that in real life? It can potentially feed into misplaced delusions or make them even more bitter, either way it’s unhealthy and super irresponsible to tackle such subject matter in this way. Even Sesame Street handled the topic of divorce better than this supposedly ‘mature’ show. 

It’s a Castle! Why Can’t Frederic Get His Own Room?

Frederic is the king. He still technically owns everything even if he’s not the one still in charge. He could have his pick of any room so why is he forcing himself on Eugene? Hell he doesn’t even have to stay in the castle. As pointed out during The Return of the King review, there’s other accommodations within the kingdom that’s suited for royalty. Why not head up to that mountain retreat?  

This is a Really Bad Message 

I understand that this is meant to be a joke, because of how ridiculously over the top it is, but because the series gives Rapunzel what she wants in the end without ever having her acknowledge how she is wrong here, it winds up validating her toxic world view anyways.

Divorce is not inherently a bad thing. We should be working towards both normalizing it and promoting healthy coping mechanisms for those that go through it, adult and child alike. What Rapunzel is doing here is just repeating puritanical fearmongering. And while I can understand why she might behave in this way, I don't understand why the show refuses to call her out on it. Or any of the other million bad behaviors she displays repeatedly through out the show... like the example below for instance... 

Why Am I Suppose to Like Rapunzel Again? 

It’s like the writers don’t understand that a joke can damage a character, especially if it’s overplayed. Super sweet upbeat Rapunzel snapping because she finally met someone who was annoying or a situation she couldn’t just solve with a positive attitude was funny maybe like the first time; but we’re three seasons in and this is supposedly her closest loved ones.  

Look at them! They’re fucking terrified of her! All they did was point out that she maybe should do her job and deal with real problems instead of poking her nose into her parents business where it doesn’t belong! And this brat is now the ruler of the whole kingdom!? No one can legally stand up to her. 

Like where’s the Eugene that stood up to her in Under Raps for trying this same bullshit? Why hasn’t she learned her lesson? She also pulled this same bullying tactic on young Lance and teen Eugene two episodes. Cass left her ass, supposedly, because of her bossy thoughtless ways. And this is also the same woman who abused a child back in season one and still has never acknowledged it. 

Yes characters should be flawed, but they should also face real consequences for their actions, and if they’re a protagonist they need to learn and grow past their flaws. 

I actively started to dislike Rapunzel after this scene. I already felt something was off way back in the season three opener, but this is the point where I stopped and went “What the fuck?” She used to be my second favorite character behind Varian. I didn’t go into this wanting to hate her, even after this episode I still held out hope that they were trying to purposefully lead up to some sort of falling out with everyone and with Rapunzel having to own up to her bullshit in order to win. You know like a classic third act “the hero is now alone due to their past mistakes” type story. But Nope! 

There’s no pay off for any of this. Rapunzel is just mean for the sake of being mean in season three, and no one is aloud to call her out on it. She’s now the same type person as Frederic, a tyrant. That’s not a good development! 

She’s Literally Bullying Her Own Parents Now, and I’m Suppose to Find that Funny? 

Yes, Frederic is her abuser, and yes some people might find this scene cathartic if they hate him. But this isn’t actually calling out his past abuse. It’s just Rapunzel treating a now powerless old man with that same abuse and denying him bodily autonomy. An old man who has both less political rights and less power within the relationship than her; since due to his memory loss he is now dependent upon her. 

In the real world it’s the equivalent of picking on an Alzheimer's patient who is in your care. I don’t give a shit how much of dick they were before the illness set in, you don’t fucking do that!  

Why Should I Want Arianna and Frederic To Be a Couple? 

The show has done nothing to sell this relationship. In fact one could argue that the show is trying to purposefully sabotage it. 

Before the memory loss Frederic was proven to be abusive, to the point where even his own wife was afraid of him and wouldn’t stand up to him. Meanwhile Arianna was shown to be a shell of her former self who’d all but given up upon the things she actually enjoyed in life. And now that they both have had a second chance they have even less motive to stay together. 

Look at Arianna up there? She’s clearly not enjoying her time with him. While he doesn’t want to engage in anything that she likes. I mean a couple doesn’t have to share their interests in everything, but there still has to be some sort of connection and the series just does not give us that connection. 

There’s no reason why they should stay together. They no longer have any commitment or duty to fulfill as rulers and their daughter is fully grown. Contrary to what Rapunzel says, the kingdom isn’t going to fall apart if they separate. It actually would probably better for everyone, including Rapunzel, if they got divorced. At least then she’d have to grow up somewhat and stop being a controlling asshat.  

Why is Attila Here?

I thought Attila got a job running his own bakery and that it was Lance who became the new cook at the Snuggly Duckling? Even if you argued that Attila was just doing Rapunzel a solid that still wouldn’t explain who is running the place when Lance isn’t there. 

If you’re going to set up developments like that then you need to either stick with them or give an on screen reason for why these previous developments are no longer relevant. Flat out ignoring them like this is just lazy. 

Lance’s New Outfit is the Best Thing About the Episode, and It’s Also a Complete Waste.

Lance deserved a new outfit because the team was too lazy to give him one for season two, even during the island arc. This however is a waste because it doesn’t add anything to the narrative. People were paid to make this thing for it to only show up for a few seconds of screen time. 

This Whole Exchange Is Gross. 

Oh let me count the ways in which this is so, so stupid. 

Neither Rapunzel nor Frederic has ever proven themselves “thoughtful and responsible.” In fact both of them being irresponsible is intentionally a plot point in the main story arc.

How would either Frederic or Arianna know any of this? Not only have they lost their memories, but they didn’t raise Rapunzel themselves and those traits aren’t inherited; they are taught. 

Gushing over your grown daughter isn’t a point of connection! 

Why would anyone be compelled to kiss a practical stranger, that they previously didn’t even like, just because they both admire some woman they also barely know and happen to be related to? What is the thought process behind this? “Oh we made that? Then lets make another one!” What the fuck show? I’m ace and even I know that’s not a normal thing to get titillated over. 

The Series Turns Frederic Into a Literal Baby In a Last Ditch Effort to Make Him Likable 

The whole point behind the amnesia plot was to absolve Frederic of his past wrong doings. You can’t call out an old man with Alzheimer's for being a dictator, I suppose. (not like that’s ever stopped me from criticizing Ronald Reagan, tho)  But from there the series then takes it one step further and actually infantilizes both Frederic and Arianna, because Chris assumes that if he makes Fredric as pathetic as possible the audience won't hate him any more. Well guess what, it didn’t work. Frederic isn’t suddenly a poor woobie just because he’s useless now. That’s not how that works.  

Rapunzel Literally Physically Assaults a Person, Kidnaps Them, Threatens Them With Even More Bodily Harm, and Causes an International Incident; All Because They Asked Her Mom Out On a Date! 

You can’t hear it in the screen shots, but there’s very clearly a clanging sound to indicate that Rapunzel just wacked Trevor upside the head and knocked him out. 

Let me repeat, a Disney protagonist just committed armed assault against a guy, simply because she doesn’t respect her own mother.

What the Fuck!!!???

Arianna is fully grown woman. She is perfectly capable of making her own choices and she agreed of her own volition to go out with him. In fact she’s the one who asked Trevor if she could come along on his sea voyage. It’s not Rapunzel’s place to interfere with that. 

Secondly, Rapunzel shouldn’t get a free pass to attack people just because she’s doesn’t like them. And she most assuredly shouldn’t get to write off her cruelty as justice because she's royalty! What the hell? You just turned one of your official princesses into a literal tyrant for the sake of a joke, Disney! 

Where the fuck was the oversight on this show!? 

And to top it all off, Trevor is a ruler of a competing kingdom. This could easily have been deemed an act of war. Thankfully for everyone involved Trevor has far more sense and compassion than Rapunzel and doesn’t push the matter. 

Yes that’s right! The intentionally annoying prat and comedic antagonist is a more upstanding person than the main heroine! Let that sink in! 

Wait, If Laws Don’t Apply Out In the Ocean, Then Why Did Eugene and Max Have Jurisdiction to Arrest Lady Caine in Peril on the High Seas? 

Max shoved this same rule book into Eugene’s face when Eugene rightfully questioned if it was his job to arrest the mutineers. This book said that it was not only his job, but that he was also legally required to stop any and all ‘wrongdoing’ no matter where he was at nor whether he was on duty or not. While also failing to specify what ‘wrongdoing’ entailed. 

Now that’s very problematic and ridiculous for a whole host of reasons that I’ve already covered back in my review of Peril on the High Seas, but this scene now adds a whole new layer of stupidity to the mix. 

If zero laws apply out in open waters than yes, Eugene and Max were acting out of their jurisdiction. Not only that, but the pervious dumb rule regarding their duties is also now null and void. So, Justice For Lady Caine! 

Oh, but were not done yet, cause it gets dumber. 

If laws, including marriage don't apply, then getting married while out at sea also would not apply. Thereby rendering Trevor’s plan useless, unless they got married back in Equis. Which if they did that, it would bypass the entire pointless rule book completely because Equis is not subject to Corona’s laws anyways. 

There’s not even any ‘inter-kingdom’ laws that they would be subject too because Equis isn’t a part of the seven kingdoms. Any treaty they did previously have with Corona would be something else entirely, and Trevor would be within his rights to end such an agreement.     

Also Trevor is a king. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Same goes for Arianna.

Ummm, No You Don’t Rapunzel

Trevor can’t marry Arianna without her agreement to it. It’s already been established that she’s physically capable of taking care of herself and she’s also mature enough to make her own decisions. If she did wind up marrying him it’d be because it’s her fucking choice to and Rapunzel has zero right to interfere with that.  

There’s no one to rescue here. Rapunzel has no reason to go chasing after her mom. All this is doing is denying a grown woman agency over her own life. Why should I or anyone, root for Rapunzel here? 

You Do Know That Arianna Has More Than Just Two Choices Here, Don't Ya Show?

Arianna doesn’t have to be in any relationship. That’s also an option. While I personally like Trevor, this shouldn’t be a choice between him or Frederic. The show should be asking what Arianna, as a character, would want for her life, instead of just shoehorning her into just being a wife for someone else. 

I still don’t know what Arianna really wants in life, but I do know that being a domestic housewife and a queen does not suit her. She doesn’t actually like being tied down with commitments and responsibilities. She’s repeatedly indicated over and over again that she feels uncomfortable in her role. 

But the show reduces her into trophy to win and turns her into a damsel in distress multiple times. Then it further neuters her so that she complacently walks back into that life over and over again for no logical reason. She’s treated not as a person but as a prop.    

Really, Arianna? Are You Really Sure About That? 

These aren’t Arianna’s words. They’re Chris’s. 

Arianna has shown zero interest in Frederic up to this point. The closest they got was during that creepy boat scene where they just jumped to almost kissing for no real reason.  While before now Arianna was making actual goo-goo eyes at Trevor earlier, before Raps stepped in and broke them up.  

They actually do have things in common and had a genuine point of connection. They even almost kissed themselves until Raps started being a dick. No forced and icky conversations about their grown children needed here folks!

While I still firmly believe Arianna should just be single, the show does far more to convince me that she and Trevor should be together more so than her and Frederic. Everything about this scene on the boat feels forced and hollow because it doesn’t ring true to what was previously established. 

This just isn’t good writing. It’s the animation equivalent of a six year old smashing their Barbie dolls faces together and shouting “now kiss!”, all because a middle aged man couldn’t get over they fact people didn’t like his self insert. 

No, wait, I apologize. That’s being mean to six year olds. They usually have more interesting plots and established characterization than this.  

Hey, Remember When the Series Villainized an Orphan For Stealing This Stupid Book? 

Yeah, stealing the book was treason and the mains ruined a child’s life over it, but apparently it just doesn’t matter any more cause no one seems to give a shit about Trevor taking it. Like, yes, as the king of another kingdom, Trevor isn’t beholden to Frederic’s bullshit, but you would think that the characters would treat this as a bigger deal than what they do, given how they responded previously to it being taken.

Unless Rapunzel was just talking out of her ass back during The Alchemist Returns. That’s also quite possible.  

This Literally Has Nothing To Do With You Rapunzel 

Just because Rapunzel herself is a woman, doesn’t mean that stealing the agency of another female character isn’t misogynist. Especially when their both written by primarily men.  

Every guy who was involved with the writing of the episode, should be fucking ashamed of themselves!!! 

So What Exactly Has Trevor Done Wrong Up To This Point? 

Yes, the story board artists and voice actors do a lot of heavy lifting here to try and make Trevor seem like a creep. Arianna’s body language and tone of voice when dealing with him here will be very familiar to a lot of women, I’m sure. I know what it’s like to have a stalker and not know how to turn them down because you’ve been trained all your life to ‘be polite and nice” to people, and I’m not unique in that regard. 

But here’s the thing, it’s not set up properly. There’s nothing backing this sudden shift in the characters’ dynamic. Up till now Trevor has been a perfect gentlemen. Sure he was over the top as always, and you could call it an act when regarding his politeness to Frederic, but he seemed to genuinely respect and admire Arianna and clearly desires genuine affection in return from her. Why would he suddenly stop behaving in a way that worked for him and start talking over her instead? 

Also why wouldn’t Arianna just tell him no to begin with if that’s what she wants? She had no trouble speaking her mind before now. But that begs the question why she wouldn’t return his feelings as well, because as stated above, she clearly showed interest in him previously. 

This is So Fucking Forced

Yeah, okay, you’re daughter has no reason to be here to begin with, disrespected your wishes, and attacked Trevor first. At this point I’d argue he has a right to retaliate. Especially since, if Rapunzel was allowed to board, you know she’d just attack him again, because she knows no other way to resolve conflicts other than to hit people very hard.  

Arianna’s actions here only make sense if she’s kept in the dark about what an awful human being her daughter really is. That’s poor writing. 

Also, having a woman just punch people while denying them actually agency and choice within the plot is not ‘girl power.’ It’s fucking misogyny!

How Does Doing the Bare Minimum, and Just Showing Basic Human Decency Count As ‘True Love’? 

What was she suppose to do? Let him drown? I mean I wouldn’t, and I despise the man. Not to mention anyone else could have done the same thing. They’re all right there. If Lance had jumped to the rescue would Trevor have proclaim them lovers too? 

Trevor Is Still the Better Man Here

Here he is rescuing Rapunzel even after she treated him like shit. 

Best. King. Period. 

This Still Doesn’t Redeem Frederic 

So through out the episode Frederic has inexpiably shown an obsession for eggs. He now collects them even though this was never an established trait before now. But whatever. He’s just been through something traumatic and looking for something to ground himself.  Far be it from me to make fun of someone else’s special interest. If you like to collet eggs than good for you. Go live your life to fullest. 

That’s more respectful than how the show handles it, as everyone dismiss his interest and it’s treated like a joke through out the episode. Only to have said obsession save the day. But this isn’t here to teach the others about respecting other people’s hobbies, oh no, it’s here to try and give Frederic a big hero moment so you’ll cheer for him. 

Except one nice thing does not erase his past actions! I don’t care what your hobby is, if you deliberately try to cause grievous harm to people you’re and asshole! And you will continue to be an asshole until you can admit what you’ve done wrong and try your best to make up for it. 

I Hope You Made Back Up Copies of The Tunnel Maps 

A bunch of people are more upset over this development than I am, because it is a historical artifact and preserving the past is important. But the only story function the book held was a map to the tunnels, and said tunnels were never utilized properly through out the entire show. 

To this day people still don’t understand that they’re meant connect the island to Old Corona or that Herz Der Sonne is the one who built them into order to invade Saporia because the show is so bad at its world building. And come season three, they’re all but irrelevant anyways. Such a wasted concept. 

Once Again the Whole ‘Memory Loss’ Subplot Is a Copout 

Ok that’s not how the spell worked previously, but that’s not what I’m taking issue with here. 

If the whole point behind the amnesia plot twist was to sweep Frederic’s awfulness under the rug, then I expect his past actions to be addressed once he’s regained his memories. They are not. 

This episodes reverses the very thing that the season was trying to achieve and just hopes the audience is too stupid/attention deficient to notice. Well guess what, we noticed and we’re far smarter than you Chris. 

Conclusion

I don’t understand the point of this episode. It shoots everything season three is trying to do in the foot. It screws up the timeline, makes Rapunzel even more of an irredeemable dickhead while preventing her from learning yet another needed lesson, undermines Arianna as a character once again, and it puts Frederic back in the crosshairs of the audience’s scrutiny. 

Oh and look, it’s written by the same guy who wrote Rapunzel’s Return. Why am I not surprised.  

Anyways another one down and only 15 more to go. You can support my continued marathon by dropping a tip in my ko-fi if you wish. I’m currently back to job hunting yet again and anything you can give is appreciated. 

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[dessarious]

What Makes a Family? Pt11

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Marinette woke up on the floor sandwiched between Luka and Kagami. She was about to just go back to sleep when she noticed it was dark outside. That was a problem… why was that a problem? Chat. She bolted upright.

“It’s only nine sweetheart.” Her Papa’s voice came from the kitchen and when she looked over he, her Maman, and Alfred were sitting around the counter. All of them looked worried and tense. Marinette got up slowly so as not to wake her partners and as soon as she was out from between them they scooted together. She just smiled fondly at them before going over to the adults.

“Everything will be fine. Where’s Chloe?” Her Maman glared at her while her Papa let out a frustrated sigh.

“Miss Chloe went back to the hotel to see about rooms for everyone. Also, Master Bruce’s finance wishes to come meet you as well if that is acceptable.”

“Of course, but I may not be able to spend much time with them at first. I have a feeling that things are going to progress rapidly once my true Black Cat has the Miraculous.” They were all frowning at her now.

“And how exactly are you planning on taking it from Chat Noir in the first place?” Her Maman’s tone had an edge to it and she was speaking through clenched teeth. Her parents hated her doing anything dangerous and it was times like this she was honestly sorry they knew who she was.

“I told him to meet me somewhere there will be cover. I’m bringing Chloe so she can stun him. I also wanted to ask if you would be willing to come Grandpa Alfie. It will mean you’ll have to use a Miraculous but it would help misdirect Chat as to who is actually in charge.” Her parents exploded immediately while Alfred just frowned at her in thought. This was exactly why she couldn’t let them take part in things like this. “Please don’t yell, you’ll wake the others.”

“And why does he get to go rather than one of us?” The fury in her Maman’s tone sent a chill down her spine but she didn’t let them see it.

“For starters, he’s not attached to me yet. You two are too close to me, not to mention that as my parents it’s completely against your nature to follow orders from me. I can’t risk you moving too soon. Also Grandpa Alfie doesn't know me well enough to give away my identity unless he calls me by name. I love you both, but you have no filter when it comes to protecting me. He also has military experience that could be useful and given Master Fu’s age before he died, Chat will be far more likely to assume he is the Guardian. That misdirection could be vital in keeping everyone safe.” They didn’t look happy, but they did stop arguing.

“How did you know I was in the military?” She blinked at Alfred in confusion for a moment before letting out a yawn. She really hoped there wasn’t another Akuma in the next few days.

“You didn’t tell me?” He shook his head and she shrugged. “Must be the way you carry yourself then.”

“I also didn’t tell you that Miss Cassandra goes by Cass but when you asked me to contact them that’s what you called her.” Marinette rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she considered that.

“I suppose I made the logical leap. I mean what else would she go by? That or I was just too tired to get the full name out.” Alfred just gave a thoughtful hum but she could tell he thought it was more than that. And maybe it was. Things like this had happened before but she’d never paid much attention to them. It simply made sense to her and she really didn’t understand why it didn’t to everyone else.

“I would like to know a bit more about these Miraculous before I agree to using one.” Oh right. She hadn’t been able to explain had she?

“Tikki will probably be able to explain it better at the moment. I tend to over simplify and forget important things when I’m tired.” Her parents were fighting back grins and Alfred just looked confused.

“Who’s Tikki?” She metally facepalmed but before she could apologize the Kwami in question flew out to introduce themselves.

“I’m Tikki, Kwami of Creation. I give Marinette her powers as Ladybug. It’s very nice to meet you.” The poor man just blinked at them, obviously unsure how to proceed. Tikki was studying him and gave an approving hum. “You’re right Mari, he and Wayzz will suit each other and it will help Chat make the Guardian connection you want as well.”

“So I assume each Miraculous is powered by a Kwami?” Tikki just beamed at him. They liked talking to people who could grasp things quickly.

“Yes. Each grants the powers of their aspect. Mari is planning on having you use the Turtle Miraculous which houses Wayzz, Kwami of Protection. His most notable power is the ability to create shields.” Alfred seemed to be debating his next question. She wasn’t certain if he was trying to decide what was more important, or trying to find a way to word it so it didn’t sound offensive.

“Exactly how much control do your users have?” He sounded cautious and she could understand why if that was something he was worried about.

“The Kwami have to obey their holders. When transformed you’re in complete control. Depending on how attuned a person is with the Miraculous your Kwami may be able to subconsciously communicate with you but they can’t control you. Tikki and I are a perfect match so they can actually talk to me while I’m transformed.” That had come in handy too many times to count, but it also meant Marinette got to hear the Kwami giggle anytime a particularly random Lucky Charm showed up. They absolutely refused to help with those.

“So they’re basically slaves.” Alfred’s tone was oddly flat and Marinette could only sigh.

“In a way yes, which is why Hawkmoth even exists. It’s not ideal, but the Kwami themselves don’t mind for the most part and any time I’ve suggested destroying the Miraculous or coming up with a way to give them more autonomy they all act horrified.” Tikki just gave her a stern look.

“Because we agreed to this existence for a reason. Balance must be maintained and this is the best way to do that overall.” This was one of those agree to disagree problems. She would defer to Tikki’s judgement though, given that they were a god older than the universe as they knew it.

“I would still like a more detailed explanation, but given the current time restraint I believe it will have to wait. If you feel you need me there I will go.” Marinette gave him a tired smile.

“Thank you. If everything goes to plan you won’t even have to do anything except make sure Chat sees you after Chloe stuns him. He should jump to all the wrong conclusions on his own.” He frowned at her.

“And if things don’t go to plan?” She tilted her head in thought. It wasn’t a question she was used to simply because her team had learned to just deal with problems.

“Then we improvise. My luck works better without detailed planning so I try not to overthink things in advance.” Now he was just looking at her like she’d lost her mind. This was going to be interesting.

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[missanthropicprinciple]

A Tale of Elio and My Fixation with Lovable Androids

TL;DR Feel free to scroll past this unless you’re keen to read my ramblings about androids, Neoclassical art, children’s lit, and bad science fiction movies. 

Since the late 1990s one of my favourite books has been A Tale of Time City (1989) by Diana Wynne Jones. It’s a mildly confusing story but engaging, with memorable characters, including the android Elio, pictured above - my own fan art from a few years ago. Studio Ghibli really needs to make this film if no one does a live-action version, seeing as they brought Jones’ novel Howl’s Moving Castle to life. Here’s a scan of my favourite edition with mesmerizing cover art by Richard Bober.

This book inspired me so much I’ve done research on it. I wasn’t in a class in grad school that allowed me to write about it so I took it on as a casual independent project in 2019. Two days after my dad died of cancer I was scheduled to present my paper on Elio from ATOTC. Needless to say I was not able to finish writing the essay. I told the department coordinator I would likely not attend but I would let him know. He was seriously surprised that I showed up. I must have looked like a ghost - wearing a nice top, skirt, tights, and short heels. I was still in total shock but I thought I might as well press on. My paper’s working tile remains as it was: Elio: Android Autonomy and the Personification of the Sun God. I presented a long bullet point list of working ideas and research done up until that point. My work is still on the broad side because it’s an intersection of young adult fiction, Neoclassic art, and android autonomy; I have some narrowing to do. Here are my main arguments thus far: 

Firstly, the android character Elio’s physical characteristics and personality are inspired by Helios, the Hellenistic Greek god and personification of the sun. Apparently, Elio is a Spanish name meaning sun and also an Italian given name referring to the element helium, originally derived from the Greek name of the sun-god Helios. 

Secondly, Elio and Helios share more than an etymological connection and the comparison of Elio to Helios can be articulated in two distinct ways: the aesthetic comparison, and that Elio possesses some of the qualities Helios is known for. Jones’ work repeatedly associates Elio with sunlight and golden hues, aspects which are exemplified in the 1765 Neoclassical painting Helios as the Personification of Midday by Anton Raphael Mengs. (I vaguely remember translating a couple passages from a large art book written in German when I was studying Neoclassical art.) 

This work is considered an unusual depiction of Helios. Mengs uses a motif of the glowing arrow which is interpreted by François-Xavier Fabre as a symbol of the midday heat and the sun's rays which penetrate and give light to the earth. The representation of the sun in this way is considered unusual for the 18th century because it goes against Classical and Baroque iconography which portrays Helios riding a chariot. Ironically, Jones references this. Elio proclaims his fondness for films, particularly the chariot race from Ben Hur. Elio, like Mengs’ depiction of Helios, lacks a chariot but retains his beauty and powers.

As for Elio possessing some of the qualities of Helios, the god is often referred to as “all seeing” or “Zeus’s eye.” Similarly, Elio has the ability to anticipate problems and see what humans do not, but not because he’s a god, but because he’s a servant. However, this is where his self governing comes into play when he uses his observations to take action beyond any directives he has been given. His physical strength, like Helios, exceeds that of humans. Elio himself says, “my utmost is more than twice that of a born-human” (Jones, 211).

Thirdly, Elio’s self awareness allows him to use both his powers of observation and superior physical strength independent from humans. He does not always wait to be told how to use his power; he wields it. Not only does he play a part equal to that of humans in Jones’ plot, he specifically controls the fates of certain human characters. For example, he doesn’t always utilize his speed when he’s at the beck and call of his master, Sempitern. He makes choices not to fully comply with the demands made of him.

My fourth point, which I can’t quite articulate well, is that the most significant dynamic of this comparison is the body of Elio and how his physicality interacts with his autonomy. Elio acts as an individual who contributes to a wider mythology just as Helios does. Yet, while Elio is superior to humans in many ways, his quasi-humanity allows him to act in ways which align with Helios’ qualities.

For example, Elio makes personal choices and exhibits emotions not necessary for him, as an android, to function. He confesses a desire to harm another android out of annoyance where a passionate opinion would not be expected from an android. This human failing is indicative of the same autonomy which allows him to act as Helios does. Elio has been constructed as a superhuman body in terms of his abilities, however, the human qualities which contribute to his Helios-like powers undermine his intended purpose. 

Ultimately, Elio ascends the usefulness of his “owned” body by acting independently from the humans who utilize him. His human qualities make him vulnerable and therefore he loses some of his godlike powers. Elio, while only an assistant to his human owners, utilizes his own physical and mental powers to maintain his autonomy. Conversely, his god-like qualities make Elio more human rather than affirming his android identity.

This is a very complex subject and I don’t really know where I’m going with it and have possibly made some suppositional errors. TL;DR: What I do know is that Elio presents a paradox: being idealized for his abilities allows him to be autonomous while being autonomous disrupts the servitude of his body.

I am in the process of determining what lens I will use to analyze Elio’s experience and functionality of being an android. I’m thinking about using Alan Turning’s 1950 work Computing Machinery and Intelligence. I’m still navigating the literary theory aspect, or indeed philosophical aspect, of this area of study. 

This brings me to something I came across later that relates to Elio and ATOTC. 

SPOILERS AHEAD

The closest depiction of an android that I’ve seen to Elio other than Data is from a terrible and somewhat forgotten science fiction film from 1989. “Byron”, (played by pre-Jurassic Park-fame Bob Peck) the android in the painfully awful film Slipstream comes very close to Elio in terms of tone, attitude, and characterization. Despite the embarrassingly bad script and dialogue, Peck does a bang-up job, seemingly acting in a wonderful film running parallel to the absolute trash his co-stars were apparently “acting” in. Yes, I rewatched this film just to write this analysis. (The secondhand embarrassment is off the charts and I had it playing at a low volume most of the time Byron was not on the screen.)

When you first see Byron he’s acting out autonomy but you’re not aware he’s an android. The audience is told he’s an escaped fugitive, a murderer, and that’s all we know for over half the film. Yet there are several clues. When you first see him he’s running over rugged terrain in a suit which was kind of a big hint but nothing makes sense in this film so I just thought that it was a weird costume choice. Then he’s literally shot with a grappling hook. He doesn’t seem to be in pain even though he’s shocked by it, and then is pulled down by a bounty hunter named Tasker (Mark Hamill) and hits the ground from a great height and doesn’t die. He just quotes what I think is John Gillespie Magee, Jr.’s "High Flight”: “I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth….and touched the face of God.” Next time you see him, he’s in handcuffs, looking super depressed, and apparently not bleeding out from the now absent grapple hook that’s gone through his forearm. 

He eventually quotes Lord Byron to cryptically indicate his name which is lost on Bill Paxton’s character, Matt. “Byron” essentially means cowshed. It’s ironic because Byron the android is in many ways a receptacle of knowledge. Matt even says sarcastically, “Well aren’t you a walking storeroom of information,” and Byron responds cheerfully, “Yes.” 

Byron breaks out of his handcuffs saying they’d “become rather superfluous.” You think he’s just showing off but once you know he’s an android you know he’s just honest all the time. He then heals a blind child and paraphrases Psalm 127:3. Matt says, “I didn’t know you were a healer.” Apparently Byron can perform cataract surgery in less than five minutes. Along their journey together (Bill is set on collecting the bounty on Byron’s head before Tasker can catch up) they camp out. Byron sleeps with his eyes open. (Even if he is an android wouldn’t his eyes need to be “cleaned” in the same way humans need to close our eyes and blink?) Matt wakes up to find Byron seemingly strangling him. “I was feeling your carotid pulse,” he explains. “I was just checking for arrhythmia and episodes of ventricular tachycardia.” At this point you realize he’s not so much a spiritual healer as a doctor who philosophizes a lot. 

Byron’s miraculous behavior and pontificating is called into question by a nomadic spiritual community which has been torn apart by an attack on their village. As he lays dying, Ben Kingsley’s character calls Byron a “false prophet” but his faith in this stranger is somewhat restored when he says, “all that will be left of me is bits of gold in the sand. You have a soul, do not abandon it in death.” 

Another character says, “The stranger is no mortal man.” Therefore it is clear that Byron likely isn’t human. We don’t find out he’s an android until 46 minutes into the film. Once that’s cleared up, other concepts arise in the script. While not well executed, they are really interesting; emotion both positive and negative, free will, perfection, A.I. slavery, and murder are all addressed throughout the second half of the film. Byron says he doesn’t understand “hate” in context of his “master” to whom he was nurse, brother, father, mentor, and friend, but he admits he was more of a slave than anything else. 

The character Ariel takes an interest in him for a variety of reasons, especially romantically. In one very evocative moment we see Byron in a museum exhibit, a false garden of Eden, full of fake vegetation and taxidermies, full body mounts. So we’ve got an android having an Adam experience. Whether or not he experiences “original sin” with Ariel or if he’s “fully functional” is never acknowledged. Although one woman says, “Amanda slept with a robot?!” (who the f**k is Amanda?!) and a man says to another sitting next to him, “I hear they’re rather mechanical in the saddle.” 

Byron is less concerned with consummation and more excited about love, sleep, and dreaming. When he is with Ariel he doesn’t quite know how to act in terms of sexual play and then apologizes: “I’m not accustomed to being loved.” We see him closing his eyes when he’s cuddled up with Ariel; the next day he is certainly very pleased that he fell asleep with his eyes closed and had a dream. 

In terms of his servitude and autonomy they did not spend an adequate portion of the exposition on it. Matt has a change of heart and says instead of collecting the bounty, he’ll set him free as it’s briefly revealed that Byron killed his “master” upon the man’s request. Naturally, this brings up a lot of confusing feelings for Byron. “Is this what it’s like to be human? I don’t think I’m up to it,” he says. “Can I be trusted with human feelings?” And in a way he cannot. Ariel is brutally shot by Tasker.

Byron is angered over Ariel’s death and follows the bounty hunter to his ship. Instead of taking him in to collect a reward, Tasker tries to run him down with the glider plane. Byron manages to get himself caught in the engine and starts to strangle his assailant. Tasker quotes “touched the face of god” which brings Byron to his senses and he stops killing Luke Skywalker Tasker and tries to save the plane. It looks like he’s going to hot-wire it but then uses the wires like reins (chariot imagery???). They crash into the side of a mountain slope. Tasker dies but Byron survives. Apparently he’s basically indestructible and somewhat godlike. “I’m too dangerous to be human,” Byron tells Matt. In the end, he goes off in search of the place he’d been dreaming about. 

Although in terms of physical appearance the two androids are vastly different, they have so much in common. Here are some basic concepts. 

Character: Both are stoic, formal, intelligent, honest

Indestructible: Byron is injured with a grappling hook, takes a major fall of about 20 or 30 feet without a scratch: he is somewhat godlike or slave-like, meant to withstand destruction and pain. Elio is less indestructible but easily repaired.

Healer: Byron has the skills to heal people with basic surgery. Elio doesn’t take his own injuries seriously and experiences pain for the first time (Jones, 218-9).

Both think they deserve to be punished: Elio states this quite clearly (Jones, 276) and Byron says the same thing about himself with resigned passivity.

Complex relationship with “human emotions”: Both come to terms with violence, anger, and love.

Autonomy: At the end of the film Byron goes off on his own to look for a promised land. Elio decides his own fate by deciding to accompany the children of the story, stating that Vivian is a “particular favorite” of his (278). 

Dreaming and stories: Byron is searching for a place, “where I think I belong,” he says, which is a place he often thinks and dreams about. Dreaming is considered to be a human attribute, a non-essential bi-product to consciousness. Elio enjoys stories and old films (Jones, 180), similarly “human” in nature. 

(Peck, seen here waiting for Bill Paxton to learn how to act. Sorry, I’m salty.)

Disclaimer: This is a work in progress! This project is an intersection of niche subjects that interest no one but myself. 

Anyway, my point is (yes, I did have a point...or rather several) was that if anyone should adapt A Tale of Time City, Byron from Slipstream is the best example of how Elio should be portrayed in terms of characterization. I feel that Slipstream should have been centered around Byron. The film was kind of like, just about the “we’re both fighting over the bounty of this fugitive” sorta thing. It would have made more sense to focus on Byron as he is arguably the most interesting character and represents many of the conflicts within the story. I would like to combine my research on ATOTC and Slipstream one day. In any case, this is a good start. 

Works Cited (WIP) 

Jones, Diana W. A Tale of Time City: Knopf, 1987. Print. Perkowitz, Sidney. Digital People: From Bionic Humans to Androids. Washington, D.C: Joseph Henry Press, 2004. Print.

Roettgen, Steffi, and Anton R. Mengs. Anton Raphael Mengs: 1728-1779 Part 2. München: Hirmer, 1999. Print.

Turing, A. M. “Computing Machinery and Intelligence.” Mind, vol. 59, no. 236, 1950, pp. 433–460. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/2251299. Wilson, Eric. The Melancholy Android: On the Psychology of Sacred Machines. Albany: State University of New York Press, 2006. Print