#i am so eepers man

[i-am-very-confuse]

i am a thing

a beast

a creature

not human

i am not one of them but still bound by their flesh

i want to spread my wings and fly

as blood and flesh tear from my back

like some fucked up phoenix i want to rise from my corpse but not as some mythical creature from stories that can never die

just as a bird

a plain old

normal

bird

sure, one of the smarter bird species out there

but that’s it

with black feathers

and an excellent memory

one much better than my current one

that’s fucking it

i just want to be the thing i am on the inside

[arkiwii]

so sleepy... 💤

[woodlandscab1n]

Man. I'm glad I have Bishop as a character, they were a character that I used to beat the shit out of myself for what I considered my "bad traits", a complete extreme of this side I didn't wanna touch even with a stick.

But then I did. And, it's just...wild? I guess, I never thought I would even come close to redeeming this character, or making him any more sympathetic than what I established as the base. And it ended up happening anyways.

Through out the writing of their character I put myself the rule of never, ever change his core of being...because I wanted to make them irredeemable, by them never wanting to truly change, they'll never be redeemed but, I was wrong.

Redeeming him wasn't about changing his core, about making him more human-like, making him love and feel like other people do, completely overhauling his way of thinking. It was just... accepting it, and that doesn't mean you're doomed to be a bad person and hurt people just because of how, what you are.

I still have a long way to go to fully accepting those parts of myself, as well as seeing it on other ppl, but this character has given me a perspective I honestly didn't even know I needed, or even know it was a possibility for me.

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

how or when do sp characters sleep

My DUDE these are pretty much overarching takes but since u just commented on an OrangeJuiceVerse post I’m ESPECIALLY thinkin ojv on these! So I’m doin the Star Seven

Stan falls asleep anywhere anytime. Always. One of those people that climb in bed and are lights out within two seconds. Lucky bastard. He’ll sleep in a car, on a floor, couch, wherever; if he’s tired he’s sleeping and it doesn’t matter where. He may stay up late sometimes with his online dnd group but when everyone logs off he’s Out the moment his head hits the pillow. And he is such a deep sleeper too. Just laid out like a log and needs to be aggressively shaken awake. He’s a realllly good pillow bc he doesn’t move tho.

Kyle is the exact opposite. I’m not gonna say he’s high maintenance, but he’s kinda particular with sleeping conditions. The fan has to be going, it has to be dark, he can’t sleep in socks, there’s gotta be a water bottle in reach, ya know. Also if we are talking OJV, he won’t complain if, like, he’s staying the night on someone’s foldout couch, but he has chronic pain bc he never got proper treatment for an injury in high school, so he has trouble getting comfortable when his knee is bothering him. And!!! In general his mind is so active and he has so much trouble getting it to quiet down enough to sleep, he’s tossing and turning forever, gets too warm, sleeps half out of the blanket, a mess. Wakes up at the drop of a hat, the wind blows too loud outside and he’s awake again. He feels guilty napping during the day, so that only happens when he’s not feeling well.

Kenny, 80% of the time, is like Stan, dead to the world when he’s asleep, but he’s too damn instinctual for his own good and if anyone or anything feels off to him during the day, he can’t fall asleep that night. He’s very much a guy who sleeps curled up on his side, and comfort doesn’t matter a whole lot to him. He has awful dreams frequently though, and sleep paralysis gets him a lot, which sucks when he’s sleeping heavily bc it’s really hard to wake up. Marj can usually sense times like that in the same way she senses his Curse, so she can wake him up to get him out of it.

Marjorine is a pretty normal sleeper, like 10-15 minutes of imagining her mental story (she ain’t alone in the pre sleep scenario I do that always) and she’s drifting off, she’s a cuddly sleeper for sure, which is awesome bc Kenny’s a GREAT little spoon, and if Kenny isn’t there she’s hugging a pillow.

Tweek dear god he is the worst sleeper on the planet. He goes to bed super early most of the time, only to wake up an hour later with no hope of falling asleep again. Like he’ll sleep from around 7-9, be awake until 5, sleep for another hour or so, and then it’s daytime so he can’t sleep bc he’s worried something bad will happen while he’s out. (Btw I am fully pulling Tweek sleep headcanons from myself I am an awful sleeper) He OCCASIONALLY naps, but only by accident. If he tries to take a nap during the day on purpose, he can’t, but when he doesn’t want to, that’s when he gets the best sleep. He has AWFUL dream like his nightmares are so vivid and terrifying and sometimes even prophetic. Even the dreams that aren’t scary are so clear that he’s left confused about if they were real. The scary visions and sleep paralysis are a lot of the reason he’s so paranoid and when it’s been a few days since he’s gotten sleep? The hallucinations dude holy shit.

Craig is kind of a night owl, and he really isn’t a morning person, but once he goes to bed, he’s asleep pretty fast. And he really isn’t picky about where he sleeps or what time it is, he just sleeps. He rarely has dreams that are jarring enough to remember, and while he usually hits the snooze button a few times, he can wake up relatively quickly. Not a napper at ALL this man thrives on routine and consistency. He hardly ever wakes up in the night once he’s out, even with Tweek thrashing around trying to get comfortable beside him lmfao

Cartman. I don’t have a whole lot to say on his sleep habits really, other than he’s out here in one of those eyemasks and a sleep noise playlist going lmaoooo he got the oil diffuser drifting lavender mist into the air and all that. He wakes up to an alarm programmed to play soft music with birds gently chirping bc he likes to feel like a Disney princess in the mornings. Lmfao he’s so unserious I love ojverse cartman

THANK YOU FOR ASKING THIS!!! I had fun thinkin abt it and projecting onto Tweek lol rip gotta love the gnomes

[sixminutestoriesblog]

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

A while ago we did a bit of a deep dive into the nursery rhyme London Bridge and found, to either our relief or our disappointment, that it wasn't nearly as dark as the rumors would have it be. The origin of the chant turned out to be rather benign when you consider it talked about locking women up and throwing away the key. If we can't count on good old crumbling infrastructure and bondage to give dark notes to our childhood rhymes, what can we count on?

Apparently, the answer is: pumpkins.

Let's take a look at Peter the Pumpkin Eater.

Most of us know this one.

Or rather, I should state that most of us know the first half of this one. But did you know it has a second verse?

It goes like this:

Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater,

Had a wife and couldn't keep her;

So he put her in a pumpkin shell,

And there he kept her very well.

Peter, Peter, pumpkin-eater,

Had another and didn't love her;

Peter learned to read and spell,

And then he loved her very well.

While literacy is very important, apparently the moral of the poem no less, most of us have never heard of that second verse. Or that Peter apparently had a second wife. Still, having a second wife is hardly uncommon and, for a great deal of history until not even that long ago, given how often women died in childbirth, it was alarmingly normal for a man to become a widower and remarry multiple times. So the rhyme basically goes - Peter kept his first wife in a pumpkin and then got a second he didn't love until he was educated properly. Which -

that's a weird basis for a children's chant isn't it? I mean, yes, the point is the words have to keep a beat, not necessarily make sense and living inside of a pumpkin house is, let's face it, pretty much a dream for most kids, and some adults, so you can see the appeal. How did it all get started in the first place though? And, as weird as falling in love once you can spell is for the second verse, isn't the first verse about not being able to keep a wife until you build her a pumpkin house even weirder?

Weirder - and about to get a lot darker too.

Let me dig up another nursery rhyme from about that time for you. It goes like this:

Eeper Weeper, chimney sweeper,

Had a wife but couldn't keep her.

Had another, didn't love her,

Up the chimney he did shove her.

There's a name change going on but we can all recognize the chant. And, again, we've got two wives. One that 'couldn't be kept' and one that, unfortunately, got 'kept' permanently. Suddenly that 'pumpkin shell' isn't sounding so fairy tale romantic.

I mentioned in the London Bridge post that children have the ability to soak up what's going on in the world around them and translate it into their own language, something for other children to resonate with, absorbing information as they pass it along. And repetitive skipping games are one of the oldest patterns known to children the world over. Take one down, pass it around. Somebody takes the daily news or local gossip or creepy house down the street and patches together words to make out a beat, telling a story that will titillate their schoolmates as well as help them keep count in their game. Because of the beat and the easy nature of the words, its a simple matter for other children to memorize the rhyme and pass it on. Humanity creates their world out of words and children are no different. Times goes on and maybe an adult steps in and changes the words to something more 'kid-friendly' and the next thing you know, you're building houses out of pumpkin shells.

Is that what happened here or am I just being melodramatic and creepy for the sake of a good story?

Well.

Both of the above skipping rhymes? They probably come from a still older one.

Peter, my neeper,

Had a wife,

And he couldna' keep her,

He pat her i' the wa',

And lat a' the mice eat her.

Fairy tales often have dark roots. It turns out nursery rhymes aren't necessarily that far behind. Was there a historic 'Peter', whose wife wanted to leave him, who killed her instead and hid her body?

Unfortunately the question is more likely - which 'Peter' got the children using his story to keep the beat in their skipping game?

[aztr0punk]

MeoW MÈOw MEOW

Trade¿¿~¿°¿`,!

Which oc you want???? You can honestly have free pick of mine idc X3

Disclaimer: am an eepy man rn fr

It may be a bit before i get to it, so no rush!!!

Gotta send u this now though so i dont have an opportunity to forget this >:3

meoow helooo.. .. trade!!!

i like that cowboy you got.. Hattie(<this guy loooves cowboys)

no rush for you either my friend!!! i am thinking maybe.. u can draw my boy Ripley but u Also have free pick.. i have some other guys posted

dis-disclaimer: nice to meet a fellow eeper🫡

[tobyfobywoahby]

dude I am so eepers please beg that my dad doesn’t make me pull up to church man ougghhhhh

[jfouler]

I can't believed I only just thought about this but

What was the Jamie/Marcy wedding like

YEAAA an excellent question i have not gotten a chance to think about it too much EHEHE

honestly it was kind of lame. they had it in their backyard. marcy had a lot of big grand ideas and jamie like. really wanted to keep it lowkey. pff it was kind of half a wedding and half a housewarming party bc they had moved into their house not that long ago! it was also late summer. it was a little cloudy and they got rained on a bit but hey on the brightside it wasn't blazing hot out

marcy has a lot more close family members/a bigger family than jamie does. so like it was mostly marcy's family and friends and then just. jamie's sister and mom. LMAO. and maybe his uncle.

jamie was trying not to cry the WHOLE time. on the verge of tears for like 2 hours. wettest eyed man in the world. his tear supply is endless. marcy on the other hand finds it very hard to cry when there are lots of people around

also he could not stop calling her his wife the whole day he loves the word wife and marcy was like u are ridiculous ily

jamies sister helena brought a bunch of flowers for decorating. like. so much. way too much. so she planted some in jamie and marcy's backyard. they're still there. she also helped both of them plant a tree bc she was like "guys its symbolic its spiritualll" helena just knows what's up she's smarter than any of us

their kiss was barely a kiss bc jamie was so nervous and also he couldn't stop smiling ok! that man's mouth was CLOSED. helena laughed.

marcy thought it would be funny to blast jamie's high school band music as the first song that played. he almost jumped over the fence and ran but marcy's dad told him it was "good stuff." i think marcy's dad and jamie were instant best friends when they met

jamie conked out right after. absolute eeper. slept on the couch in his silly little suit and woke up at like 3 am delirious. spent too much energy trying to hold his tears in

[chaos-potat]

NOOO! I hope you find your gecko soon, always rest when you need it.

Little man just appeared behind my calendar, we have tiny openings somewhere in the house so we have little bitty geckos sometimes, it's not like this guys a pet so it's not as bad as it could be

Yeah, I should be getting to bed soon, I am eepers

[rusty-gloinks]

Part 2 of this post, mind the warnings on the first part if you will!

Spoilers….ooga booga…. :)

It took me 6 re-watches to realize that Uzi bit off Alices finger .that is not embarrassing.at all

She’s LITERALLY repairing her finger here,HOW DID I MISS THIS???>

She’s happy here again because she knows N’s looking for her!!! She knows he cares and worries for her, and I think that means a lot. It doesn’t even have to be ship related, i just think this is SUPER heartwarming & also sad since her mother died, and on top of that, everyone around her is just an asshole to her. (e.g khan in some episodes but he betters himself later, classmates, etc.)

2nd favorite scene in this whole episode, this just looks too cool. Been wanting to redraw it too.

Tessa typing absolutely NOTHING important..

The thumbtacked images of dogs, literally adorable.

Cool little worker drone icon at the top!!

Scared of N possibly getting hurt after seeing the raptor and knowing he’ll be in danger.

I love these images. Scenery and quality is spectacular

Some of the universes planets I believe. Showing they’ve been taken over/destroyed from what I can comprehend of Tessa’s words

Yeva’s eye is bleeding in the same area that doll has her button eye patch in.

Nori has befriended the raptors it seems!!

WHAT HORROR HATH MAN’S HUBRIS BROUGHT THIS TIME?

Can’t tell if thats Alice in the back but they are just like me…. /j

Apparently the binary code reads "Null".

Lots of uh…. Solver symbols :]

Almost looks like Uzi’s solver form, but a bit worse? Or like creepier.

The bond these two have??? Is insane???? He is still worried about fixing Uzi and helping her with what she has going on (my heart is in shambles when tessa says "I’ll need you to choose the universe, over one little drone N. Before she’s not herself anymore." .TESSA KNOWS SOMETHING AND ITS MAKING ME SHIT MYSELF

this literally crushes my soul.

I am sorry that you don’t understand my level of thinking

I’m going to say this from now on irl 😋😋😋😋 /silly

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROADDDDD . TO GET TO THE OTHER WORK!!!!!!!!!

Even Beau who is probably, (definitely) years younger than Alice knows this is fucked up. Poor bby AUGH

Be a nice dingo!!! Not fucking happening.you can go cry

-

This is what the back of the patients dresses/shirts look like. Just thought it’d be cool to share.

Love this scene too .AUGHHHHH

Lovely pilot parallel. Lots of parallels here apparently!!

The eeper!!!!! , also getting heart crushed again. POOR N DUDE,HE LOOKS SO GUILTY. ITS NOT EVEN HIS FAULT. He knows what he might have to pick. Dude obliterated Uzi’s arm because she was getting hurt.i need to tear off my skin /pos & /neg kinda,

—— Okay gonna have to make a part 3 because holy shit this is alot of screenies.whoops

MASSIVE MD SPOILERS UNDER CUT!!!

This show obviously contains killing, blood, gross stuff, angst, and robo gore!!! Just a heads up!!

Again, massive spoilers for episode 6 of murder drones, please go and watch if you haven’t done so yet!!

A bunch of apps in the beginning of the episode, one of them being labeled as "ydrone", except it’s cut off and impossible to read as the frame zooms out,,,

"I use as much fossil fuels as possible - I hate the environment 💯" I LITERALLY GIGGLED.

Tried to save their friend and ended up getting their oil on their face. I just thought that was a pretty neat detail, but also being a bit sad at the same time.

Area of one of the teaser images, nice one , glitch!!

Wonderful parallel to episode 5. I love how she has to make herself taller to hold him. SO SILLY….💥💥

Pretty sure everyone’s been talking about this scene, so hopefully this comes handy in future episodes.

I absolutely love depictions of digital hologram screens, they are so awesome to me!!!!! This looks so cool , i am normal i am norma

She is so fucking scary like this. I love her.

Anddddd another…

tinkering with his hair, OUGH…. shes so silly (aside from her evil silliness)

BITING HIS HAT💥💥💥😭,,i love how he even looks up !!!!!!

There is a literally human handprint (2 of them) and what looks like if someone ran into the glass? Unless there was an "incident". Also, the raptor scratch marks don’t help either,,,erm

This show is SO fucking good at making me feel uncomfortable/unsettled, dude if I saw this I would send my ass right back up. aint no way I’m staying down here for more than 3 minutes

In fact, Human made security this human can’t control. "Maybe".

I get so abnormal when Uzi blushes it’s just so SILLYYY!!!!! like shes genuinely happy!!!!!

Uzi nodding her head when N’s right about the elevator being labeled. These 2 idiots I swear /pos

Childgiggle.mp3

SHES SO.COOL ..also Blue eye, interesting:3

"System standby" and also I believe this is the first time we get a glimpse of Uzi’s screen??

Sentinel doodle on red sticky note paper, and an override code labeled = 1234, dunno if that’s anything but here you go,,

The worker that was trying to save their friend in the beginning?? Yeah, there she is, on the table being dissected

Also, I may be stupid, but if that is yet ANOTHER Peter griffin death pose reference i am literally going to explode.

The bottles are labeled with names, and also ones that say "Corrupted core". I don’t know if anyone pointed this out but I just found it interesting to me.

I LOVE HER SO MUCH /p

N you idiot i also love you so much,what was even the point of saying this😭😭

Gross robot gore, also why is he so smiley…i understand he wants to be supportive but like.cmon your fucking rib cage is showing dude

—— CONTINUED IN THREAD/PART 2!!!!!

[i-am-very-confuse]

family guy death posing. everything hurts but not really

[ohimaginethat]

Can I request crankgameplays with spooky prompt #17? Thx love💙💛💙

Yet another “I’m sorry it took forever to answer” little author’s note. I’m hoping to clear out my inbox tonight completely tonight, so that should probably-maybe help some. But, anyway, I didn’t really expect anyone to request anything off of that list—I mainly just shared it so I could look back at it if I needed some inspiration or something. And, given it’s February and no longer “Spoopy Season” (although some may argue otherwise), this definitely won’t be anything horror-related (especially due to the fact that I suck at writing it). If it wasn’t exactly what you were wanting and want to see your idea come to life a little more in the way you imagine, please feel free to send it to some other writers (maybe try @pastanest—she has some really awesome stuff). Also, I know it’s super short, so I apologize about that; it’s, like, two in the morning for me, and I’m afraid if I write on one thing for too long, things will take a seriously weird turn. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and thanks so much for requesting!

                                                                                    Death by Dogs

You were terrified. Truly scared for your life. And you were sure to voice those concerns to the evil man who blind-folded, claiming he had a “surprise” as he barbarically shoved you into his car.

“Am I going to die?” you muse, turning your head toward your boyfriend, Ethan, despite the fact that you still couldn’t see a thing.

“Y/N, will you stop being over dramatic? I told you, I have a surprise for you, and, as long as you don’t keep saying that I’m going to murder you, I won’t. Sound fair?” Ethan sighs heavily at your many accusations that may or may not have been exaggerated slightly. Okay… Very exaggerated. It’s not your fault; he knows how much you dislike being out of the loop. He’s made it clear that your friends are aware of what’s happening, too, which frustrates you even more.

You aren’t driving for much more than twenty minutes before he parks at a currently unknown place. You feel the engine shut off and hear him open and close his door and walk around to your side to help you out. Ethan leads you inside of a loud building that smells… Strange, to say the very least.

The longer you walk, the more you get used to the noise and odor. Then, you hear a door click behind you, as well as a quiet yip from the opposite side of the room that sounded suspiciously like a puppy.

You have no patience left at this point and, despite the many objections from your boyfriend, you yank the blindfold off of your head to reveal an entire room filled with dogs and puppies alike, of all shapes, sizes, and breeds.

You let out a joy-filled squeal, scaring a couple of the pups and exciting some others, and turn around to peck the one and only Eepers (I completely stole that from Mika) on the lips, thanking him for the amazing surprise.

Then you die from the cuteness of the doggos. You’re just dead. Absolutely. No life whatsoever. Except for when you’re telling each and every one of them how good of a boy/girl they are. But that’s different. Definitely.

[geekade]

The ABCs of the Stanley Cup Finals, 2017 Style

The ABCs of the Stanley Cup Finals, 2017 Style

Hi there, fellow Geekade enthusiasts. I know you’ve gotten used to seeing me share my opinions about the latest in film and television, but this month, with apologies to my good friend and fellow Geekade writer Dave Diorio, I’m taking a break to write about the greatest sports events on earth. No, not March Madness, the NBA Finals, The Super Bowl, The Masters, The Triple Crown, The World Cup, The Olympics or even the World Series. Those are all worthy events, but they cannot match the absolute excitement and nail biting grind that takes place on a frozen stretch of ice in April and May every year. Without a doubt, the greatest sport tournament is the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

This year has been no exception. While the NBA playoffs have literally felt like a two-month slog in the muck that lead to a championship series that every single basketball fan on Earth KNEW would happen, this year’s Stanley Cup playoffs have been absolutely thrilling. The number of games that were either won in overtime or by one goal has been astounding. And for our dessert in the Stanley Cup Finals? We have a potential repeat champion, the dynasty-in-the-making Pittsburgh Penguins facing off against what has to be the feel good story in all of hockey, the Nashville Predators and their city’s explosion as a honkey-tonk, hockey-loving town.

So, dear reader, to help you fully embrace the excitement and immerse yourself in the Cup-Craziness to unfold, here are the ABCs of the 2017 Stanley Cup Playoffs.

A is for… Advantage, as in a man advantage. Hockey is the only sport that routinely has one of the players sit in a penalty box if they commit a penalty on the ice. (Alright, settle down soccer fans. Yes, your sport can lose a man too, but it’s not a routine function of the game. It only happens when a guy gets tossed. And besides, I included the World Cup up above. Take a seat and sing your team’s drinking song.) Watch this final series for man advantages. At the time of this writing, we’ve already had a controversial 5 on 3, which turned the tide of Game 1.

B is for… Beards, as in the playoff beard. Hockey players are notoriously tough athletes. It is not uncommon for a player to get cut or lose teeth by a stray stick in a collision, get stitched up in the locker room, and then come back out to get back into the game. As a point of reference, in my beloved Philadelphia, we have two star basketball players who sat out for a year (or two) with injuries that should have healed in far less time. For lack of a better term, hockey players are lunatics. So is it any wonder that there’s a tradition of growing beards for the playoffs? As if we need another reminder that these guys are burly he-men? By the time the Stanly Cup is awarded, it’s like looking at a team full of the Brawny Towel guys.

C is for… Crosby, as in Sid the Kid, a.k.a. Sidney Crosby. Point of disclosure. I am a Philadelphia fan. (Ok, you can stop laughing now. I mean it.) And it is a tradition that Philadelphia fans absolutely abhor the players on the opposing teams who have talent. And who whine. Players like Larry Bird. Michael Irvin. Kobe Bryant. Bryce Harper. And Sid Crosby. To keep my Philly cred, I have to say that Sid is a crybaby. Truth be told? He’s also one of the best, if not THE best player in the world. He is a force on the ice, and the bigger the game, the more likely it is that he will be a huge part of it. The Penguins are not THE PENGUINS without him. Count on Crosby scoring a huge goal in an important game in this series.

D is for… Day with the Cup. In what is one of the greatest traditions in all of sports, every player on the Stanley Cup winning team is given a chance to take the Cup for 24 hours and do whatever they please with it (short of melting it down) under the watchful eye of a chaperone with the greatest job ever (more on him later). There are amazing stories of players who have take the cup to their hometown where they grew up, players who have their children baptized in the cup, players who take the cup fishing, sailing, swimming, skydiving and, in one famous case (by a player who’s name rhymes with Lark Lessier) to a strip club where the dancer on stage worked the cup into her routine.

E is for… Emrick, as in Mike “Doc” Emrick, the primary NHL play by play man. For the uninitiated, listening to Doc Emrick call a playoff game is like listening to Verne Lundquist call an SEC overtime game between Alabama and Auburn or Gus Johnson call Duke versus North Carolina. You know how fans from around the country universally seem to dislike Joe Buck when he calls the NFL or the World Series? Yeah, that doesn’t happen with Doc Emrick. Coming back to hockey after a bout with cancer, Doc is now a hero to so many and is famous for his list of verbs to use to explain the different ways a puck can be moved up and down the ice.

F is for… Fish, as in Catfish. Hockey is a sport with some strange traditions. When a player scores three goals in a game, it’s called a hat trick. Why? In 1940, a haberdasher in Toronto offered free hats to players who scored three goals in a game. And so a legend was born. Today, when a player scores three in a game, fans litter the ice with hats. In Detroit, it’s been a long-standing tradition for the fans to throw an octopi on the ice in the playoffs. In 1996, the Florida Panthers got to the Stanley Cup Finals where at least once per game, fans would litter the ice with rubber toy rats when the Panthers scored. This year, we can add a whole new take on the “throwing stuff on the ice” thing. Nashville fans are now throwing catfish on the ice. Why is this perfect? For one, it absolutely trolls the Detroit tradition – Detroit has long been a tormentor of Predator fans. Second, is there any more perfect aquatic creature than a catfish to represent a team in the heart of the south? Third and last, a fan from Nashville got a ticket to see Game One in Pittsburgh, drove the 560 or so miles to Pittsburgh, vacuum-packed a dead catfish doused in Old Spice so it wouldn’t smell, taped it to his leg under his pants, took it out of his pants and threw it out onto the ice during the game, much to the dismay of the Penguin faithful. Love this game.

G is for… Goalie. Quarterback. Closer. Goalie. The three most pressure packed positions in all of sports. Stanley Cups have been won by teams with inferior talent simply because they had a goalie playing at the top of his game, or to use a hockey euphemism, “standing on his head.” In May of 1974, my Philadelphia Flyers beat the Boston Bruins in six games in what was considered to be one of the greatest upsets in all of hockey history. Why? Because we had the best goalie in the world at that moment – a lovable French Canadian named Bernie Parent. To this day, 43 years later, I doubt highly that Bernie Parent has ever had to buy a drink in the City of Brotherly Love. The goalie makes or breaks your team. And the Stanley Cup finals are a pressure cooker for goalies. Grab your popcorn!

H is for… Hockeytown, a name sports writers gave Detroit at the height of their greatness in the 1950s. When Detroit returned to hockey prominence and won the Stanley Cup in 1997 (against my Flyers…) the name was reborn as the team won a series of cups after that. Why is that significant to these finals? I would argue that both of these teams could contend for the title of Hockeytown right now. Pittsburgh has a chance to be the first team to repeat as Stanley Cup champions since the Red Wings did it 1997 and 1998. They are, for all practical intentions, a dynasty. And in a city where the Steelers are like a religion, the Penguins have become the biggest story in the city of three rivers. And if Nashville wins? Well, that city is off the hook for this team. More on that later.

I is for… Icing. When a team dumps the puck all the way down the ice to escape intense pressure, icing is called. It’s significant because the team that dumps the puck has to now survive a face-off in their own zone and they’re not allowed to send in any new players to replace the tired skaters on the ice. In the old days, players would race down the ice to decide whether icing would be called; if the team that dumped the puck touched it first, the icing would be waived off. That rule was changed because…well…hockey players would beat the hell out of each other to race to the puck. Maybe they needed to save it for another part of the game. But they’re hockey players. You know…lunatics.

J is for… Jinx. Professional athletes are notorious for being superstitious. An interesting superstition in hockey is that players who have not won the cup can’t EVER touch the cup. Even when NHL players are in the presence of the Cup, they dare not touch it. When the Staal brothers (Marc, Jordan and Jared) were celebrating with their brother Eric who had just won the Cup in 2006 with the Hurricanes, none of them would lay a finger on the Cup - even though it was right in front of them. If you play in the NHL, you just don’t touch the Cup until it’s yours. Another famous jinx followed the New York Rangers. In 1940, when they won the Stanley Cup, one of the players on the team…relieved himself, so to speak…in the cup. The Rangers would not win another Stanley Cup until 1994. Baseball had the curse of the Great Bambino and the Billy Goat. Hockey has the piss cup. (Bah dum bum.)

K is for… the Keeper of the Cup. When players get their Day with the Cup, one man goes from town to town and place to place with the cup. His name is Phillip Pritchard, and he stays with the cup at all times. So, when players travel to the tops of mountains to have their picture taken with the cup, he goes along. When players take the cup to their hometowns or high schools or to pediatric cancer wards, he goes along. When players have their children baptized in the cup, he attends the service. And when Mark Messier, or rather Lark Lessier, takes it to Scores in Manhattan, he goes along. Phillip Pritchard: The luckiest guy with white gloves and a dust rag you’ve ever met.

L is for… Lord Stanley, a.k.a. Frederick Arthur Stanley, the 16th Earl of Darby, was the governor general of Canada in the late 1800s. Because his sons were hockey players, he donated a cup to be competed for by all of the amateur teams in Canada in 1892. Soon after, the cup became the trophy sought by professional teams, and in 1926, the Stanley Cup became the official championship trophy for the National Hockey League.

M is for… Montreal, the home of the Les Habitants, the Bleu-Blanc-Rouge, a.k.a. the Montreal Canadiens. The Montreal Canadiens have won the Stanley Cup more than any other team, a record 24 times. Interestingly enough, Montreal is also the last Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup since 1993, which is a sore spot for anyone who comes from Canada. (Trust me, eh.)

N is for… Nashville, the newest team to the Stanley Cup finals party. Let’s see. A game adored by Canadians. Played on ice. What city in the lower 48 would be a great host? Well, if you thought anyone would have chosen Nashville, you probably would have laughed. But who’s laughing now? The Nashville Predators have become the city’s greatest draw; packing in fans in what is the greatest party on ice. The Predators have a house band. They have a crazy tradition of throwing catfish on the ice. They have a bonkers mascot who rides an ATV on the ice. And in the heart of the deep south, in SEC and NASCAR territory, the Predators now boast a legion of stars who cheer on the Preds. Vince Gill, Amy Grant, Keith Urban, Trisha Yearwood, Kelly Clarkson, Paramore, Marcus Mariota, Kings of Leon, Lady Antebellum and Carrie Underwood are all fanatical followers. Besides the Grand Ole Opry, and the clubs on Broadway, Bridgestone Arena is the place to be.

O is for the Ottawa Canal. Remember that “day with the cup” thing? After a night of celebrating their Stanley Cup victory in 1905, members of the Ottawa Silver Seven felt it necessary to see if one of them could kick the Cup into the Ottawa Canal. One of the players actually connected and the cup was sent to the bottom of the canal, where it stayed until the next day when the players, having sobered up, realized where they had left it.

P is for… Pittsburgh, the home of the Penguins and what is now hockey’s reigning dynasty. If you think Pittsburgh is the “Steel City” with a working class population, you would be right. If you think of Pittsburgh as a city in decline with closed steel mills, you would be dead wrong. Pittsburgh has reinvented itself over the past 20 years and turned itself into a leading city in technology, business and medicine. And Pittsburgh is now as strongly identified with the Penguins as they are with the Steelers.

Q is for… Quick Whistle. The most dangerous places in sports have to be the opening turn of the Indianapolis 500, the starting gate of a triple-crown race, a goal line stand in the fourth quarter and in hockey, the front of the net in the last five minutes of a close game. It is not for the faint of heart. Sticks flying. Players punching. And a rule that says as long as the referee can see the puck, the game is still live. Watch for quick whistles by the referees when the action seems about to boil over into actual violence.

R is for… Rinne, a.k.a. Pekka Rinne, the extraordinary goalie for the Nashville Predators. He has been stealing games throughout the playoffs (standing on his head). His goals against average is under 2, which is outstanding, and he has two playoff shutouts so far. His success will determine whether Nashville can challenge the mighty Penguins.

S is for Subban, a.k.a. P.K. Subban, defenseman extraordinaire. Subban was a stalwart defender with a cannon slapshot who was traded to the Predators this year and has been a steady leader for this up and coming team.

T is for… Trapezoid. Hey, wait a minute. I didn’t know there was going to be any math on this thing. Well, if you look closely at the ice behind the net, you will see a red outlined trapezoid. It’s there because it’s the only place where a goalie can go behind the net to control the puck.

U is for… Underwood, as in Carrie Underwood. The singing of the national anthems of both Canada and the United States is a truly emotional moment. In one memorable game, the PA system broke down in Edmonton and the fans sang the AMERICAN National Anthem, a.k.a. NOT their own anthem, perfectly word for word. Try to catch Lauren Hart sing God Bless America before Flyers’ games, or the anthem before games in Chicago and Boston. But topping them all right now is country music superstar Carrie Underwood who has upped the ante of memorable anthems in Nashville.

V is for… Video Goal Judge. Hockey has turned to technology to make sure goals that are scored are legitimate. Quick story. In 1980, my Flyers lost the final game of a hotly contested Stanley Cup final to the New York Islanders. There were two separate goals scored in that final game which would have been disallowed if we had a video goal judge then. (Curse you, Leon Stickle…) Should I mention the final goal scored by the Blackhawks against my same Flyers team in 2010 from a seemingly impossible angle (which may or may not have gone through the side of the goal and not the front)? Let’s move on and hope that the Video Goal Judge doesn’t play too large a part in determining the outcome of a game. (Although for game one, that wish has already been broken.)

W is for… Wraparound. In hockey terms, when a player flies around the net with the puck and tries to tuck it into the other side of the goal. See: Sidney Crosby.

X is for… Extra Time, a.k.a. Overtime. During the regular season, hockey games are settled with a brief overtime period with three players going against three for five minutes, followed by a soccer style shootout if there isn’t a winner. It’s not the greatest way to settle a game. But in the playoffs, they play until there is a winner. Period. My Flyers beat the Penguins in 2000 in a game that went 5 overtime periods after the regular three. And what’s even better, there aren’t may breaks in the action. In the first three periods, there are planned “TV” timeouts. In overtime, they don’t follow that pattern. The game flies by. Playoff overtime hockey is as good as it gets for excitement and heart-stopping action.

Y is for… Yinzers, a term of endearment for anyone who hails from Pittsburgh. It comes from the “Pittsburghese” accent. If you’re lucky enough to attend the finals in person in Pittsburgh (hopefully with OUT a catfish doused in Old Spice strapped to your leg), you might hear people use this term. Yinzer seems to be a term Pittsburgh residents like to call each other, but they might not like it so much if an outsider calls them the same. Use at your own risk.

Z is for… Zamboni, the name of the machine that “cleans” the ice between periods. It was also the nickname my team gave me when I was playing pick-up hockey when I was a kid. Maybe it was because I spent more time lying on the ice rather than actually skating.

And so, there you have it. Enjoy the Stanley Cup finals. Embrace the craziness of the Predators’ fans. Admire the true talent skating for the Penguins. And remember that you need to shave those playoff beards once the last game is over.

[erin-mccormack]

octxvixcolemxn​:

For several minutes after Erin got home. She was speechless. She didn’t know what to say. She had given up drinking herself to try and support the woman in her sobriety and it had been hardly any time at all and she was drinking, “Tu es incroyable!” She yelled when she finally found the words, “Unbelievable! You don’t even care!” She didn’t know if it was the fact that she was drunk or the way that Erin was acting that pissed her off more. It wasn’t like they were a couple or anything but she cared about the other woman deeply - eeper than she had before when they were friends and dormmates. Now, she could barely look at her, “Did you even try? When you promised to stop, did you try or just go out drinking the next chance you got? Why do I even bother asking? I’m not sure I’d believe you anyway. You’re a liar! A liar who clearly doesn’t care about anyone but herself,” Tav was pacing around, waving her arms about in anger and exasperation, “This is why I don’t give people who lie second chances. You are the prime example! How could I possibly have thought you’d care enough about me - respect me enough - to try?”

Erin didn’t understand a lot of French, but what Octavia was saying was easy enough to understand. “Why should I? No one ever seems to care about what I want, so why do I need to care about what other people think?” She scoffed. “Of course I did! Because you fucking cried and you guilted me into it! I tried and I failed, and the fact that you’re the only person who’s surprised by that isn’t my fault.” Erin didn’t know what she was expecting when she arrived home, but it hadn’t been this, and man, was it ruining her buzz. “Yep, that’s me!” She agreed, throwing her hands up. “A self-absorbed liar! Good to know that after nearly a decade of friendship, that’s all I am to you.” Erin sneered, though Octavia’s words had cut deeper than she let on. “Merlin, not everything has to be about you! You call me self-centred, have you ever looked at yourself?”