#i am so bad at being able to navigate and understand my own emotions but rn my leading theory as to the funk I've been in this week

[ironwoodprotectionsquad]

While I’d love to hear six hours of discussion, perhaps we can hear your top 10 reasons you like Ironwood? Don’t want you to lose your voice after all my fellow Dadmiral friendo

Look I stream for 6 hours straight some days but that’s beside the point lolz. Also sorry this took so long. Life has been a thing.

1. James feels…human. I know the point of characters in stories is to make them feel alive and to immerse you into the world I know. But stay with me there are just little details like James adjusting his tie and little laughs at R/WBY’s antics that just make him feel more real.

2. James is strong. And not just in the physical sense but the emotional one. Between him in volume 3 holding it together despite the world falling apart around him and him taking on all of Atlas and Mantles hatred and vitriol while trying to protect them is incredible. Everyone hates him despite him trying his best and it’s both incredible and heartbreaking to see.

3. James is compassionate. I am not even slightly referring to volume 8 that bullshit is not canon at all just no. After watching Yang with his own eyes break (who he thought) was an innocent students leg unprovoked after the match ended and his aura was down, he believed her when she said she saw him attack first. He assumed the best of her even when all evidence showed that she was being malicious. Or in volume 4 when Weiss accidentally summoned a Grimm that attacked someone, he stood up for her or after Ruby failed to stop Cinder in volume 3 (? Or 2 can’t remember for sure) and he told her she did well and she took action which is what huntresses do. He is strict but he shows kindness to people.

4. He’s kind of silly sometimes. He’s normally very strict so it makes his funny moments stand out more. Like when he laughs when the girls admit they stole an airship or when he grins at Winters comment about how he couldn’t pay her to smile for the cameras.

5. He’s not a good public speaker. Now I can hear you say “but wait, he speaks publically all the time and while yes he does, he also does the equivalent of error 404 when things don’t go exactly as he mentally prepared beforehand and we see this in volume 7.

When the girls don’t react at all to his announcement that they’re all huntresses now he just freezes because this man needs to preplan everything and he did not have a plan b prepared and panics and it’s so relatable I adore it so much.

6. He’s awkward. While similar to the last point, people can suck at public speaking and still be able to converse well with people in a smaller setting but sometimes James seems to even be a little awkward even in less formal moments.

7. In early volumes he was allowed to make mistakes and still be a good person. I like it when characters are allowed to make a mistake and still be seen as a good guy. People make mistakes and screw up but that doesn’t make said person evil. Sometimes we can’t fix something or stop a bad thing from happening or even make a decision that winds up causing more problems. But the intention of the decision is the important thing. James wanted to protect people in volumes 2 and 3 so he brought his army because he had a feeling Salem was up to something. Cinder used said army to cause even more chaos but at the time the narrative refused to demonize him for this and allowed people to understand what his intentions were. That’s way more compelling than the narrative twisting itself to try and somehow prove the mains are always correct and never make mistakes. Learning and growing make stories interesting.

8. James is willing to make the tough decisions. Time and time again we see James making really difficult calls to try and navigate a war that most people don’t even know they’re fighting. He makes the plans to transfer Ambers Aura to keep it from Cinder. He pulled his armies from the other kingdoms to try and maintain peace, he decided to focus on Amity instead of the wall to try and restore global communication, he decided to try and save who he could when he was put between a rock and a hard place. He made the tough calls and stuck by his decision and that is admirable.

9. James trusts people. After James’s talk with Glynda she took his advice to heart and was more open and honest with people. When Winter tells him something is going on at Haven, he takes her word for it. When Ruby and co lie to his face he trusts their word. He trusts Yang when she says she saw Mercury attack her first during the Vytal Festival. (Despite what the narrative tries to tell us) James gives people the benefit of the doubt and is willing to trust people.

10. James is an incredible fighter even without a typical offensive Aura. Pretty self explanatory but James is able to go toe to toe with some dangerous adversaries and hold his own despite not having a special “super power” like everyone else does. Or even a special weapon really he kicks ass with just a pair of guns and that is so badass of him lolz.

And a bonus more meta point because I want to talk about this so there. But one thing I loved about Ruby and James’s volume 7 fallout is that we can see exactly how and why each of them made the decision they did during that breakdown. On one had we have Ruby who is full of hope still and sees the best in the world. She lost her friends and is still dealing with the trauma of that and doesn’t want to ever lose anyone else again or let people suffer a loss like she did during the fall of Beacon. On the other we have James who is equally traumatized from Beacon but in a very different way. He did his best to fight back against Salem and it was in the end used against him and caused even more pain and suffering. He’s terrified of going toe to toe against Salem again and wants to protect what he knows he can until he knows they are able to take on Salem. It’s realistic and painful and neither side is really a perfect option. It’s a bad situation and we can see how the characters respond to it and it feels in character and real and I wish that we got to see that writing continue into volume 9.

Sorry again for how long this one took! As I said life’s been all over the place and chaotic and it still is but I got a burst of motivation so I decided to finally type this out.

[yermes]

On modern magicians a paradigm of art and nostalgia 🍁

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Pick a meme

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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What I am writing? Feel free to follow! Link on pinned intro

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The cards

Darmstadtium 110 ✂️

Being both very new, very artsy, and unbelievably toxic, has a short life of being acceptionally trendy and acceptionally kinda bad for you with a shit ton of exposure. To not burn out I may suggest keeping an arms length distance with the community. Foster your likes and dislikes feel your emotions, feel out your genuine likes outside of the blatant occult scenery. Be aware of those just trying to profit off of fools who don’t understand themselves

Roentgenium 111 🃏

You gotta be able to see through the shit pookie. Some of it is weird as fuck and you need to be socially educated to navigate people with an agenda. YOU CANNOT BOTTLE UP ESOTERIC KNOWLEDGE AND SELL IT FOR IT ONKY COMES WITHIN. Like duh it can be brought out through inspiration, you can give tips and tricks, resources, but people who think they are the most powerful warlock in all the land has a big storm coming when someone who really knows their shit steps out from around the cauldron. Don’t get stuck in their shit!

Palladium 46 🫁

With the changing visage of magic throughout the ages, it cannot change the true components. Magic is valuable, its valuable to yourself and is deeply personal to you and your lifestyle. Things get so stylized, so Pinterest, but its all about knowing. Its all about expanding, it is all about being better than you ever could. Expand far, expand yourself and do not glom onto who makes others.

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Extras:

Story/vent:

Im tired pookies

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[lieslab]

Hii!!

I know you're still sick (I hope you'll get better soon <3) but I do have a request, because I've had this thing in my mind for a while now.

I used to be really emotional and sensitive as a child. My classmates started making fun out of it and they used it against me. They knew that if they say a bad word towards me, it'll make me cry. I really hated it, because it made me so vulnerable. At some point I graduated and with my best friend's help I finally understood that being sensitive is actually a good thing. She's really sensitive herself so she easily could understand me. The problem is... shortly after I finally accepted being sensitive, I stopped being like this. Sometimes it's good, knowing that people have a tendency to use it against such people, but... sometimes I really want to show my emotions. I feel like everyone think that I'm cold hearted and emotionless. It's silly, but I want people to know that I also have a heart.

Could you please write a hyunjin x reader fic when the reader struggles with something similar? If you find time for it, of course. I really like your works, they're amazing! I've been reading them for a long time, maybe even a year? They always make me feel better. Thank you!! <3

Love!!!,

Your biggest fan <3

I am trying so hard to get back to normal, so thank you!! 🥹 I feel like you really came to a good spot to request this. I have so much experience with this topic, oh boy. My heart really goes out to you.

Growing up, I was the exact same way and deep down, I still am. I hate finding out kids used it against you. Being extremely sensitive and empathetic isn't something to be ashamed of. I'm happy you found her, it's easier to navigate the world when you have someone by your side that gets it.

It's not silly to want to be understood and known. I assume, if it's caused so much hurt and so many issues for you, you've probably numbed that feeling because you don't want to be hurt again. That's understandable because it's hard being so vulnerable to the world. When you've never known how to build up boundaries, it's hard to create them.

Being super empathetic and sensitive is a rarity. I wish I knew why people liked to take advantage of people and belittle them or use them for their own gain. Living when you have so much emotion in your body, it's challenging.

Please show your emotions. Once you graduate, the people you're around change. Elementary through high school can be the worst time to exist for some people. You don't have to fit into anyone's mold once you graduate. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. I know for some, it's safer to act a certain way at school. After high school, the sky is the limit.

If you like being loud and laughing, if you like smiling, do it. If you cry at sappy movies or cry over something that seems so silly, you don't have to change yourself for anyone. Before anyone else, you should be striving for your own happiness. Your own feelings, despite what everyone else (including your brain) says, they're the most important thing.

If I'm being honest, I cry at Disney movies. I cry if I see an animal dead on the road that was hit by a car. I see what people struggle with and I cry about it. One time, I worked at a grocery store and saw a grape that had fallen on the floor. I started thinking about how it was alone as people walked by ignoring it while it sat in front of other grapes. I disappeared into the bathroom because it made me tear up.

I sleep in a bed full of eight skzoos. I'll be twenty-two next month and I still sleep with a stuffed animal that I've had since I was five. It makes me feel safe and there's nothing wrong with that. Who cares if it's silly and dramatic to some?

Those feelings and things are always valid and yours are too. You're never going to be able to please everyone, but the people around you should be able to understand it and get it. Even if they laugh a little, you shouldn't feel ashamed. Not ever.

What you have is so special. I know some people think it's a curse, but it's also a blessing. I'm sure you're able to put yourself in someone else's shoes easily. You'd probably excel well with a job where you could work with people to improve their lives. Making people happy likely makes you happy too.

I used to hate my sensitivity until I stumbled across Felix and found out about him being at a concert and crying for a few hours due to feeling so much love for his fandom. I understand it exactly. The more he cried in the open, the more I realized that maybe some of us are just more sensitive and that's okay.

It's okay to be different from others. It's okay to fit right in too. We tend to see some of our best attributes as flaws. I hope you view your flaws and take the challenge to view them as a strength instead. Tears and sensitivity don't make you weak, they make you human.

So, of course, I'll write the Hyunjin drabble when I can. Thank you for reading my stuff and being vulnerable enough to open up. I know that's scary sometimes, but it always amazes me when people come here and feel like they can talk about their struggles. It feels so good to be human together.

No matter how you decide to present yourself to the world, please know that you're so loved. You can do amazing things with that sensitivity and empathy, if you want to <3

[secretaccountxcx]

I love cats

I love my family

I love me

I love reading good books

I love spending time with my friends even though sometimes I feel like I’m a floater friend

I love listening to good music

I love hearing people talk especially about topics they love and their views on different matters like religion and history

I love learning new facts

I love watching animal video compilations

I love making new friends

I love learning about new topics

I love getting excellent grades even though last semester my mental health was in the pits and I could not study that well

I love watching documentaries about topics I’m interested in especially when the narrator does not give any commentary on it, that way I have to think through the information and come up with my own conclusions

I love discussing different topics with intelligent people, though I prefer listening to speaking because honestly speaking my intellect is not that high compared to them and I don’t mean this in a self derogatory way, I am just aware of my own limitations as a person. It makes learning more fun

I love receiving compliments

I love having inside jokes with my friends

I love snuggling with my mother, she smells so good and her body is so warm and soft, it makes me feel very loved

I love spending time with my sister especially when she is with her friends, I love watching her interact with them because it gives me insight on her inner world even though sometimes I get jealous because they relate to her better than I

I love baking, it’s very calming and I love eating the cakes I bake. I want to learn more baking skills and become the best baker ever.

I love being in school with my friends and getting to read about cool stuff

I love nature, I love it so much. I love trees and animals, birds, reptiles you name them, but, it makes me very sad that corporate greed is killing nature, there isn’t much I can do about it because even if we recycle, it won’t be enough because of the rate of production. The earth is already full of plastics and other toxins, corporations have shifted the responsibility to the consumer fully knowing that it’s unsustainable, I need to read more articles on this though.

I love spending time with myself, like talking to myself especially at night when I recap on my day and get to understand myself better by looking back at my actions and my thoughts throughout the day

I love reminiscing on good memories, sometimes I go through pictures of myself from years ago to re-experience the emotions I felt at that time

I love my resilient nature. Frankly speaking, lots of bad thing have happened in my life so far but I have always been able to bounce back and become every stronger, learnt new things and new ways to solve problems and that honestly is such a beautiful thing to me

I love swimming, water a very calming and healing to me

I love my active imagination though recently it’s fading out because I don’t engage my brain in enough mental exercise, I spend most of my time scrolling on social media and have almost completely abandoned my creative side

I love taking selfies especially right now because of my new phone

I love shopping so much, when I get a job I’ll be shopping so much more, I will buy a big beautiful house and have a professional evaluate it to make sure everything is in good condition, I will then spend hours deciding on the interior decor with an excellent interior designer and buy lots of beautiful furniture that will last me years but not a lifetime because I love it when life is dynamic, my life is always in motion navigating success and excellence from one stage of life to another, I can’t have anything too permanent or else I will not be happy

I love the faith that I have in building a good family. That means finding a good partner and adopting two babies, this is the only thing that I’d like in my life to be permanent , a beautiful happy family where we love each other and care for each other, being considerate of each other’s feelings. We will spend holidays together especially Christmas . We will wear matching pajamas in Christmas and drink hot chocolate in the living room by the chimney. We will wear matching hats or shirts on vacations and take lots of pictures . We will hang the pictures in the hallway where we’ll have a large family portrait

I love Christmas. It is such a beautiful holiday with lots of great songs and decor. I love the green and red theme, I love Santa , Christmas cookies. I will bake lovely cinnamon and carrot cakes in Christmas, I will also bake ginger cookies for my wonderful family on Christmas

I love stargazing, there is nothing more beautiful than outer space . Staring at the stars on a clear night reminds me of how expansive our universe truly is, how in the larger picture of things, we are but a speck of dust in the cosmos. It reminds me of our mortality as human beings which makes me appreciate the little moments because we live such short meaningless lives and it’s up to us to make meaning out of it. There is so much beauty in that. We may never fully explore the universe, only observe it which also , to me, is very beautiful

There is so much more that I love but I can’t think of any at the moment.

[moomatahiko]

Lately I've been sitting with an unresolved feeling that came up in therapy. I was trying to explain how frustrating it is when people make sweeping generalizations about young people and technology—like saying phones are "giving kids ADHD"—and how that kind of thinking often lacks depth or understanding of what ADHD actually is. Especially when I, as someone with ADHD, know that dopamine regulation is part of the condition and that people like me are more drawn to high-stimulation behaviors—not because we're flawed, but because our brains work differently.

I tried to talk about how these generalizations can feel stigmatizing and shaming, especially for neurodivergent people, but I'm not sure it fully landed. My therapist brought up some good points - about my own experiences with social media, about her own use of it—but I walked away feeling like maybe the root of what I was trying to say didn't get through. That the real pain comes from feeling misunderstood, or like my perspective is being translated into a more neurotypical framework that doesn't quite fit.

Since H left, I've actually been feeling more in touch with myself - especially my neurodivergence - and it's given me a lot of peace. I've been able to see my childhood and my past through a more compassionate lens. I've learned that the part of me that wants to isolate or escape from people isn't broken or bad. She just needs care. And I've realized I'm not actually alone - I have other neurodivergent people, and I have nature, animals, movement, art. I feel love from the world in ways that go beyond human validation. And that love is real and full.

But I also feel like I'm hitting a wall in therapy. Like maybe I'm outgrowing what this space used to be for me. I think I need someone who really gets the way ADHD and autism shape how I think, how I relate to the world, and how I process emotions - not just someone who cares about me (which I know K does), but someone who can help me navigate life in a way that aligns with my neurotype. It's not about replacing K necessarily, but maybe it's about expanding the support I have. Maybe it could even be alternating between therapists, or trying someone new for a bit to see how it feels.

Just the thought of it makes me emotional, perhaps a sense of grief. But I've just spent so many sessions lately feeling like I was trying to translate myself instead of just being understood. And today, it really clicked: I deserve support that meets me where I am.

[nahalism]

Do you struggle with boundaries when you love people? i think its the hardest part for me and i dont know how to navigate it to this day

i wouldnt say i struggle but i have moments lol. relationships are a part of life so it can be a reoccurring challenge that crops up when i least expect it. on the whole i do well, but there are times i hide behind avoidance, and other times where i fail to draw the line.

something that rly helped me (& i still practice) was taking the time to define who i am, what i need, what i like, and what i want, on my own. for example: what practices help me maintain good mental, emotional and physical hygiene? what actions do i need to take to attain my personal aspirations and goals? what do i like to do for fun and how do i like to do it? do i manage my time in a balanced way? how much of my day is allocated to tasks surrounding myself vs tasks centred around others? how often do i sidetrack my plans or alter my plans to cater to others? i have free time, but is it free time or me time? — that process got me familiar with what being in my own orbit, and living by my own preferences felt like. & having preferences (and the ability to assert them!) is literally all boundaries are.

having boundaries with yourself (knowing and respecting your preferences), creates self trust, self assuredness & the makes the desire to preserve that growing sense of self a priority. deeper than that!! it made acting according to my own desires feel normal. & that was so important cause nobody wants to be bad with boundaries, but i kept forfeiting mine for reasons that were so ingrained in me that i wasnt even aware of the exact moment id betrayed myself. building that relationship with myself made me aware of moments where id shrink myself, or moments when id presume that only certain parts of me would be accepted in the spaces i was in. because i knew that fuller version of me, i began to recognise how i would 'camouflage'. i could recognise when i was abandoning parts of myself or how id relinquish parts of my routine around certain people. only by being aware of those moments was i able to understand not just why i lacked boundaries, but the situational triggers for the relapses in my behaviour. — side note* it can be tempting to start with 'why' or get stuck on blaming circumstance for why we are how we are. but there is no shortcut for starting at step 1, which is starting with yourself. taking the time to get on a level with myself meant that i wasnt 'choosing' to have boundaries. i wasnt doing the work out of obligation, but because i really valued the time id shared with myself and really rated the person i discovered i was. i no longer wanted to let myself down or inhibit myself and short change me of a life experience i deserve. creating the space i provided for others, for myself, was a priority and a deep desire. without that as my anchor, the answer to why i acted the way i did wouldnt have mattered because id have never found the answer in myself. ultimately, any form of codependency / enmeshment with others / or forfeiting of boundaries, is based in fear. and usually that fear is of being alone, being unsafe, rocking the 'boat', a.k.a being alone, attacked, rejected, bullied or abandoned for being you. getting myself in order before trying to order how i interacted with others = a knowledge and comfort that i wasnt alone nor could i ever be. i felt safe with myself and sure that i could never be unwelcome out of the space i was holding for myself UNLESS i continued to alter myself for others or fail to assert myself when with others. once i tapped into that i could consciously show up even when it felt uncomfortable to do so, & even when i made/make mistakes and regress, i have a safe space to come back to and a foundation to move forward from.

i know you didnt ask for all this but i just wrote what came to me as a response (my baaaad that its long). i just feel like life sucks when we dont advocate for ourselves and so hopefully a pinch of whats working for me will work for you. it takes time & the road is windey, but its so worth it and the progress is certain. sending you a big hug & good luck 🫂

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

My husband was just diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and I’m worried that the lifestyle changes we’re going to have to make for that (especially the carb counting if I’m ever going to cook for us again) are going to bring back old restriction habits. I am a long time in recovery, but I’ve never really been able to heal my thoughts and emotions fully. I’m scared that helping the person I love is going to send me back to that bad place. Do you have any advice for how to navigate this?

Oh that's difficult! I suppose one thing you could do is remind yourself that different bodies need different things and that a food is not necessarily "bad" just because it's bad for him. Use this reminder every time you're struggling with restrictive thought. You could also make sure to take time for yourself and, during these times, treat yourself to the foods you don't eat with him. After all, he is responsible for his own well-being and you are responsible for yours. In a partnership you do adopt a certain degree of responsibility for one another but you do not cease to be individuals, so make sure you are setting aside time to take care of your individual self. Get in the mindset that that's what you're doing, cultivate a self-care mindset to combat the self-destructive urges.

Additionally - do you HAVE to eat the same things as each other every day? I understand that it might be hard on him to watch you eat freely while he has to follow a restrictive diet, but he has to understand that your health and safety matter just as much as his. It is your responsibility to take care of your health FIRST, so that you will have the stamina to take care of him when necessary. You are primarily responsible for your own health condition just as he is primarily responsible for his own health condition, and so he must maintain a diet that supports his condition no matter how much it sucks. Perhaps you could have a talk with him about that - maybe you could set aside a couple nights a week where you cook and eat the same meals, and then the rest of the time you make modifications to his meals and yours so that his are catered to his specific needs? I understand that's possibly more cooking work, but it could be a way of reinforcing the mentality of "I am prioritizing the care of me" and also "just because this food is bad for him doesn't mean it's bad for me."

When preparing his restrictive foods, just make sure you keep reminding yourself of whatever you needed to hear that got you through initial ED recovery. After all, learning to stay strong through the hard times is part of the recovery journey.

I get it, though - it's complicated. Best of luck to you and your husband in finding the solutions that will work for you.

[elliespuns]

I wonder what Joel would be like with someone’s who’s AuDHD 🧐…

I just want to say this is such a thoughtful question. I actually have a best friend who has AuADHD. Now, I am neurodivergent myself and I have some aspects of autism too, but not ADHD, so you could say me and my best friend are complete opposites. Yet, despite this, we share a lot of similarities in our personalities. We're both introverted, socially awkward, very sensitive, emotionally aware, and empathy is extremely strong in us. And I think that's why we were able to connect so well as friends even though she's sometimes too chaotic for me and I'm too calm for her.

When it comes to Joel's hypothetical romantic partner having AuADHD, it's likely he does not share this condition himself. His potential reaction and ability to coexist with a partner with it would likely be heavily influenced by both his own personality as well as his partner's personality. If Joel and his partner had similar personality traits and behaviors, it's probable that living and being in a relationship with someone with AuADHD would not pose serious challenges or difficulties for Joel to adapt to. However, if there were stark differences between their personalities and how they approach life, relationships and communication, then it may prove somewhat more challenging for Joel to navigate. Not necessarily in a bad or catastrophic way, but more so in the sense that there would need to be a period of understanding, accommodation and finding ways to make the relationship work despite the differences in brain function and behaviors. Joel's quiet and stoic nature would likely be challenged if his partner would be the exact opposite of himself. The constant energy, impulsivity, and unpredictability of ADHD can be a lot for an introverted personality like him to handle at times. He would probably need to make a conscious effort to be extra patient, understanding, and open-minded about the unique qualities of ADHD. This would require stepping out of his comfort zone as a reserved character who prefers a more measured pace of life. Despite the challenges, Joel would likely be very supportive and accepting of his partner. He cares deeply about the ones he loves and wants the best for them. Even if it stretched him as a person, he would try to be accommodating in small ways, like being more flexible with plans or giving gentle reminders when needed. Joel's steady presence could actually be beneficial for someone with AuADHD, providing a calming influence and sense of stability. His loyalty and reliability would be an anchor that his partner could count on. It might take some time for Joel to fully adjust and find a rhythm that works for both of them. He'd need to communicate his needs and boundaries clearly. But ultimately, his love and commitment would win out over any personal struggles he faces. He'd be there for the highs and lows, celebrating his partner's brilliant ideas while also being a voice of reason when impulses needed to be checked. It would be an adjustment for them both, but it could bring out new depths in Joel as he learns to lean into his supportive nature even more. Some of his wall would need to come down in order to provide the emotional support and acceptance his partner needs and deserves. Over time, they could grow and evolve together, learning new ways of communicating and navigating life's ups and downs as a team. It's a dynamic that would have some interesting conflicts and heartwarming moments as they figur out how to make it work. But Joel's love would be a constant North Star guiding them through. He'd be there to hold his partner's hand through the storm, even if it meant weathering some emotional whirlwinds along the way.

[harbingrs]

It's why therapy is not an option for me even though there are aspects of my life I would appreciate that kind of help with, because it always ends with having very reasonable things pathologised as mental illness + negative thinking + all my fault, essentially. And I have to be surveilled and trained into thinking the right thoughts which will manifest into everything being peachy.

Never mind the direct equation of:

I'm disabled which limits my ability to work

+

I need to work a certain amount to meet my living expenses and survive

= I cannot work enough to meet my needs and have any quality of life

= This makes me unhappy

+ There is no foreseeable reason this will ever change, unless the reason is even worse for my quality of life

= This makes me unhappier and I feel hopeless

But in therapist speak that's an irrational negative self-fulfiling prophecy of doom and should be replaced with thoughts like 'anything is possible in the future' and 'things might get better'.

Like... I would GENUINELY be open to talking that topic through and exploring different options and thoughts if they were wiling to credit me with like... being a human person and a reliable witness in my own life. But they don't want to listen or let me speak on (let alone try to understand) basic things about me - like I don't have hope in [treatment] because [treatment] hasn't worked for me in the past, or I can't just find another job that makes me happier, because the nature of my disability means I am only able to do certain types of work which are of this nature - working from home online. There is no way to make it more flexible or disability-friendly or to a job that makes me 'happier' - only to something directly equivalent to what I'm already doing right now.

There is nothing a therapist can do to help me if they won't fundamentally allow me to know things about my situation or have emotions about it. But to them it's just my negative self-sabotaging attitude if I say things like 'there aren't better job options for me than what I have now' - both just because therapists assume patients can't ever have mensingful or rational thoughts, but also because it just Sounds Implausible when you choose to ignore the material realities of being disabled.

And it's deeply insulting to think that i genuinely have not tried. As in, getting to THIS point with a job i can do from home that has flexibility even day-to-day and where I have a skill and experience that is in-demand enough to utilise on my own terms - that took /work/. I know this is as good as it gets for me because I worked my ass off for it to get this (relatively) good.

I aimed for the best it could get in my scenario and I worked for it and I got it. I already did that. Unless there is a cheat code for me to double my pay overnight, or a way to be less disabled, I can't just upgrade from here with a minimum of effort. Every option from here would be a downgrade - in terms of working in-office, having set hours, immense time/workload pressure, etc.

But to a therapist none of that matters and if there's a problem in your life it's your fault and your own brain/negative thinking/bad attitude is the only obstacles that can exist. They fix your bad brain and your bad thoughts and they fix your life.

There is fundamentally nothing a therapist can do for me if they're undermining me and doubting me and gaslighting me at every turn. Or if all they want to do is train me into me having the Correct Thoughts that will apparently fix my entire situation. There is no 'benefit' I can get from therapy that is worth experiencing that level of harm and trauma again. And it sucks to not be able to have ANY of the potentially helpful parts re: how to navigate life better or make things easier on myself because they are just... so invested in not treating me like a person. And I absolutely cannot keep going through that.

Like... how can I get any meaningful help in navigating a situation that they want to say doesn't actually exist and I'm only holding myself back with my toxic negativity and the solution is to brainwash it out of me. When I know how real it all is, but no one will believe me enough to remotely help, and their solution is to get me to stop believing it, even when it's happening to me. Even when no longer believing it won't save me either.

[euphoria102323]

જ⁀➴ ❝ 7th Monthsary …

Happy 7th Monthsary, My Jaehyun!

As I sit down to write this, I’m overwhelmed with a flood of emotions, reflecting on the beautiful journey we’ve had together. It feels like just yesterday when we started this incredible adventure, and here we are, celebrating seven amazing months.

These past months have been a blend of joy, laughter, challenges, and growth. You have been my solace, my rock, and my confidant through every high and low. I cherish the quiet moments we've spent cuddling, where the world fades away and it’s just you and me, wrapped up in our own little bubble. Your willingness to listen to me rant, whether it’s about a bad day at work or something trivial, means the world to me. Your patience and understanding are just a few of the countless reasons I love you.

We’ve shared so many wonderful dates, each one unique and special in its own way. Whether it’s a simple coffee date squeezed in between our hectic schedules, or a planned outing that we've looked forward to all week, every moment with you is a cherished memory. Our time together, though sometimes brief, is always filled with love and laughter, making even the simplest of dates feel extraordinary.

But it’s not just the good times that define our relationship. We've faced challenges and navigated through tough times together. There have been moments of frustration, misunderstandings, and tears. Yet, through it all, we’ve always found our way back to each other, stronger and more connected than before. It’s these moments that have tested and proven the depth of our bond, showing us that love isn’t just about the happy times, but also about standing by each other when things get tough.

I am incredibly grateful for the balance we have – for being able to be silly and carefree one moment, and deeply supportive and caring the next. You’ve taught me so much about love, patience, and resilience. I feel so blessed to have you as my partner, and I’m excited about the future we’re building together.

Thank you for being my solace, my cuddle buddy, my listening ear, and my date companion. Thank you for being my partner in every sense. Here’s to us, to the countless memories we’ve made, and to the many more that await us.

Happy 7th Monthsary, my love. Here’s to many more months and years of love, laughter, and growth together.

𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝙆𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙖 ༊*·˚

[lilyminer]

So um, as you guys may have been able to tell by my incessant complaints about tiktok . . . I’ve been purposefully getting into a lot of pointless tiktok comment section arguments recently.

If you’ve been here long enough you know my autistic ass understands my emotions only by aggressively psychoanalyzing myself so don’t mind as I do that for a hot sec.

So that arguing thing is a reoccurring theme in my life, it was most prominent when I was 12 where I was already isolated, became crazy cynical, and read reddit threads constantly, it was nearly my only form of “entertainment”. Looking back I’ve realized, especially at that point, when I was figuring out my sexuality and religious beliefs at the same time, that falling into this argumentative stage in my life results from times when I doubt my morality and opinions.

I’m not proud of it but the reason for this round of pointless internet debates was mostly because upon trying to think up counter arguments to homophobes and transphobes I was stumped and nearly started to consider some traces of logic in their arguments. I don’t need to tell y’all that’s just a shitty thing to have rattling around in my head! So I pursued it so hard I ended up forcing myself to engage with those kinds of people to “make sure I had good counter arguments” <- (self destructive bullshit).

And while that was shitty I come out the other end knowing more about my values than ever. Specifically I found the heart of my morals, pure unsceptical acceptance until proven guilty. Partly born out of being the weird kid myself I just accept people at face value, cringe culture be damned (literally burn in hell actually, cringe is my enemy). So I’ll meet groups of people like (and don’t mind me listing off a bunch of people tiktok seems to hate) People who are self diagnosed, therians, neopronoun users (before I become one) and I’ll just do my best to understand and accept them. Although I’m not out here flaunting this like it’s any better or healthier then people who do bring some amount of scepticism to learning of a new group. Because it’s this mindset that’s left me defending bad people because I can see their point of view (duh they’re human of course I can). I of course follow the rule that I am tolerant only to those who are not intolerant to others. (In a wider margin tho, if people think crystal healing is bullshit I’m not hating them as much as a transphobe).

Life is long, and difficult, and morality is a weird concept to navigate especially on the internet. But meeting people with patience and tolerance has gotten me this far, I don’t think my beliefs are particularly rare or radical but especially in the comment sections of people going through their own lives and struggles it seems acceptance is underrepresented. Spread a bit of positivity if ya can, It’s a powerful thing.

[welcometogrouchland]

Lies face down on the ground. I am not an emotionally stable individual. I need a break

[libbee]

The power of acknowledgement and validation

Being an 8th house moon/venus, life got really messy many times. Things happened suddenly, my emotional state was chaotic and it felt like whatever happened in my life path was out of my conscious control. It felt like my life was destined to unfold like that, with all the good and bad, and each downfall would be a turning point for me to emotionally and psychologically reinvent myself.

Growing up, unaware of psychology and astrology, I repressed and normalized all the toxic behaviours i saw in my surroundings. During my 8th house ruler's time period, all that debris came up to the surface and I began to process my trauma.

This is when I realized the power of acknowledging and validating someone's life experiences and emotions. This is when I learned how powerful it is when someone validates your trauma and acknowledges your feelings. Especially for 8th house natives who crave deep bonding yet find themselves alone in the crowd, occult can be a powerful tool to connect with their feelings and subconscious world.

I have seen one Saturn in 8th house native in pisces sign suffering because they dont trust in self healing. Their life was full of ups and downs, delays, struggles, long lasting health issues, life threatening events. Saturn made them disciplined, hard working, pushed them to their limits. But it also restricted their emotional state. It made them repulsive to healing. They are stuck in emotional patterns of self destruction and self sabotage. I read their birth chart and tried to acknowledge their feelings.

But I also learned that people dont change until they are ready to change. That is a tough thing to do. Very tough. Change comes from deep within. And it is a lifelong process. This is why venus in 8th house is famous for changing after each relationship. Because the change comes from within. The desire to genuinely want a better relationship. Their lover exposes to them everything that is wrong with their psyche. They bringe forth everything that was hidden from their conscious awareness. These natives then begin to fix things. This is healing.

Earlier I was really critical of occult communities and called them bullshit. But now I empathize. I understand that different people find validation of their feelings from different sources. Some find from watching tarot videos on YouTube, some from reading tarot spreads, some from astro communities, some from professional help.

I also find it funny how once upon a time I was the girl who used to message my birth chart to astrologer for them to read mine and tell me things about my life. I was so clueless when I saw my birth chart. But now, after healing, after going though 8th house period, after seeing rock bottom, I can naturally read my own birth chart. I can use my intuition to navigate astro. I can read other people's charts and connect them to their behaviour. I am better able to read people. Earlier my perception of other people was totally messed up. I would invest myself in wrong people, give my heart and soul to them and then face betrayal that would break me into pieces.

So, yes, validation of life experiences, being heard, being seen, being acknowledged are really powerful tools for emotional healing.

[willowfey]

.

[cinnamonest]

Y’all are too nice to me I swear… here I am being horny and nasty on main and I’m getting encouraged, damn. But for real  ( ´ ω ` ) thank you so much!!

I’m gaining more confidence to post more smutty stuff and the kind of dark shit I like, so I might go back and make more nasty Childe content later on too… After Albedo, I got Razor and Zhongli coming up, and a few ones I just worked on for fun. But yeah, just in case it wasn’t clear for anyone who followed me, I’m going to be writing almost entirely dark content and some really nasty stuff, so just be aware of that, and don’t consume my writing if that’s something that may be harmful to you.

Albedo is so pretty… and such good dark content material… He treats you like a science experiment but has the audacity to make it hot smh

I haven’t seen a whole lot of him outside the cutscenes, so potentially ooc (as if yandere content isn’t already ooc, lmao)

Albedo - Yandere Profile

tw: general yandere content, obsessive behavior, stalking

tw (below cut): smut, noncon (seriously, you’ve been warned)

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Very much aware. In the beginning, it frustrates him. He’s never been particularly attached to anyone, outside of his former instructor. He’s always enjoyed being out on his own, spending extended amounts of time by himself – the desire to be around someone is a foreign feeling for him. He immediately notices how bizarre the emotion is for him, how it changes his behaviors. His self awareness combined with perceptiveness makes him able to acutely recognize not only how unusual this emotion is for him, but also how the extent of his feelings, the types of desires they ignite in him, is unusual even for “normal” people who aren’t social recluses.

He’s frustrated by his own actions, feels embarrassed at how attached he is to you, how easily you make him flustered and trip over his words. As he is a very aware yandere, he’s definitely afraid of rejection to some degree. He has no idea how to navigate feelings and interactions with other people, he’s never really had the desire to form a particularly strong bond with anyone before. As such, he’ll come across as very awkward, and he will interact with you less than most yanderes – he knows he’s just going to embarrass himself if he talks to you, right? He’ll just mess up and say something strange, so instead, he opts to watch you from the shadows, go to places where you are, but keep a distance from you, just being able to watch you makes him feel fluttery and overwhelmed. 

He will definitely be one to collect things from you. He collects plenty of things for the sake of science, this is no different. Or so he tries to tell himself, but he can’t delude himself even if he tries. He knows its weird, he knows its wrong, but the overwhelming urge to have things of yours is too great to resist. He’ll start off with more innocent things, but it will gradually progress to not-so-innocent… items of yours.

It may not be obvious, but he’s actually a fairly sensitive person, at least regarding you. He places a lot of value in what you think of him, and wants to ensure you’ll respond positively to him. He views it like a science – there should be some formula by which he can put in the correct actions, and produce a specific result. Unfortunately, unlike real science, there’s not much room for trial and error – he feels he only has once chance.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

It will take some time, as he’s got to get over his own nerves first. He’s torn between the fear of you hating him for such a thing, it would be the end of the world for him, but also the desire to pull you away from the world, to keep you hidden from others, to have you all to himself, to be the only person that gets to look at you. If you start showing positive signs, reacting positively to his gifts, expressing interest in conversation with him and going out of your way to see him, he’ll start to get more confident, think that he can afford to do something that might sour your opinion of him, hoping it will merely be temporary.

He’ll probably start to do so several times and back out. He’ll set out at night, make it all the way to your room and stand over your sleeping form, and he’ll start to worry, wonder if someone saw him, see holes in his plans, he gets too nervous and bolts. He’ll persuade you into being alone with him, and although its the chance he’s looking for, again, he’ll get nervous, worry about being caught, run through all the what-ifs, and miss the chance. Honestly, when he does finally take you, it will probably be not planned, but in the heat of the moment, a rash decision from desperation. Something like you coming to visit him to tell him you’re leaving the area, came to say goodbye, and he’ll panic, ultimately grabbing you by the arm as you try to leave and dragging you back inside, silently, but forcefully.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

Moderately difficult. Your best bet is to take advantage of his tendency to be absent minded when he’s absorbed in his work. He gets very lost in his thoughts, to a point where he’ll completely zone out and be oblivious to the world around him. On the downside, this means you won’t have much time to cover distance, he’ll be close behind the moment he realizes you’re gone.

The route he’ll probably take is actually one where you won’t need to be too restrained, because you’ll be taking… a little research trip. Out to the most freezing, desolate areas of the mountains. He’s convinced the knights he needs to stay there for his research, but in reality, he’s internally panicking, as he tries to figure out how to make this work – after all, you two can’t stay here forever. You’d be foolish to run out of the little cabin he’s bought, out into the perilous freezing cold and jagged, high slopes. At first, he thinks there’s no way you’d try it, so he’s content letting you have free reign to walk around as you please. If he has to leave for whatever reason, he’ll probably lock you into a single room, but he won’t chain you up, as again, he's really trying to avoid making you hate him.

If you prove to be determined to leave, he’ll be hurt, but mostly concerned for you. He’s actually not one to get too mad over an escape attempt – he’ll blame himself, or theorize it’s just a natural response your brain triggered. Against his first choice, he’ll end up having to get more strict with your restraints. If you get too whiny, though… you might trigger one of his more frustrated moments.

“I didn’t want to have to do this… I’m sorry. I can’t risk anything bad happening to you. Tell me if it’s too tight… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t blame you. I know you’re probably panicking over all this, but you’ll get adjusted to it, I promise. Just… just give it some time… it’s not so bad, living with me, I promise.”

“Don’t be like that. You’re only tied up because you tried to leave. You should understand why you have to be kept like this… If you don’t want to be restrained, you shouldn’t have run out, trying to get yourself killed.”

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

For all his academic intelligence, he’s not highly skilled with people and socialization. He’s not too good at being able to tell when he’s being lied to, and he definitely won’t pick up on subtle manipulation. It’ll be pretty easy to wrap him around your finger, he’ll do what he can to make you happy.

Once he finds out you’ve lied to him, though, he’ll get pretty upset. He likely won’t trust you again, and will require proof of anything you say, or set out to find out if you’re telling him the truth or not.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He’ll try to accommodate you, giving you things you ask for, but he has limits. He’s too paranoid to let you have any contact with the outside world. You do have him wrapped around your finger to an extent, though. Whatever he’s doing at the moment, he’ll drop it in a heartbeat if you want to spend time with him in any way, even if its just you asking for food or to take a walk. He’ll be willing to take you for very short trips outside, no further than a few yards from the lodging, if only because he knows sunlight is vital to your health.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

The basics will be there – don’t try to leave, don’t be difficult with him, try to cooperate, be obedient. However, he’s also particularly overprotective of anything that can hurt you – even yourself. Under no circumstances can you handle anything that can hurt you – that means no cooking, no knives, no lifting anything heavy, no going outside without him. If you’re determined to cook something, he’ll have to stand right behind you, and watch while you do it. If you get so much as a little cut or burn, he’ll take over, insisting you go sit down after he tends to your “wounds.”

At the very beginning, he’ll be hesitant to punish you too much, as part of his plan to get you to like him. However, he can be a little easily frustrated, and your safety and well-being comes first, even if it means he has to make you upset. He will have to restrain you, take away what little privileges you had. If you try to bolt while you’re outside, no more going outside. If you try something foolish like attacking him with a knife when he gives you cooking privileges, you will lose said privileges. Really, the worst part of it all is the humiliation, being treated like a dumb, incapable baby that can’t do anything for yourself. He insists on doing everything for you, even down to bathing you and dressing you, even feeding you if you can’t convince him to take restraints off your hands. He’ll talk down to you in that way, too, talking to you as if you were a child.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

It’s a situation he’s not prepared to handle, and he’s unsure of what to do. It strikes fear in him that you might have someone else interested, so he has to get rid of them as quickly as possible. He’s not opposed to killing, if it comes down to that, but initially, he’ll try to work behind the scenes – expose something that will ruin their reputation, get them accused of a crime. This would also be one of the possible aforementioned situations that might cause him to kidnap you a bit earlier than he normally would, as well. If he can’t get rid of them easily, he’ll just take you away from them.

He will absolutely try to make you hate them, try to ruin your image of them, and he’s rather good at falsifying evidence for his claims of their behavior. With his alchemic skills, that sort of thing is easily possible.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He gets more frustrated than anything, when you’re being difficult. This is mostly just him sighing quite a bit, speaking a bit harshly, even pouting and sulking a bit if you’ve offended him. But true anger in him is not pretty, and almost never happens. It’s a buildup, a slow rise that has a boiling point. If he reaches that point, he can definitely get mad enough to hurt you, it’s actually kind of terrifying in how sharp of a contrast it is to how he normally is. It’s a side of him that’s very difficult to draw out. He’s not one to yell or shout, no, his anger is a suffocating silence, he slams down whatever he’s holding as he stomps over to you, grabbing you by the arms hard enough to bruise, and dragging you by the hair to whatever he has planned.

With mild frustration outbursts, he will feel justified, but if it reaches that intense anger, he’ll usually give at least a little apology, tell you he didn’t mean to go that far. He hates to think of you fearing him, but ultimately, if that’s what’s necessary to keep you safe, then he can live with it.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

It’s an odd mix. On one hand, he sees you as utterly fascinating, the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on, more than any landscape or art he’s seen or made, an invaluable treasure to be kept on a high pedestal. Simultaneously, however, he will treat you like a child, thinks you can’t do anything for yourself. It’s a bizarre duality, but one he is consistent on. You’re precious, so very precious, and he’s undeserving of you, but at the same time, you need him to be safe and sound.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Of the genshin boys, he’s one of the most determined. He’s not good with people, and he doesn’t really have anyone particularly close to him left anymore. He tends to keep people at a distance. You sort of fill an space inside him that he never knew was empty, a void he wasn’t aware he had until it was consumed by thoughts of you. He doesn’t need anyone or anything else, so long as he has you with him, but he really, really wants it to be true that you love him. He doesn’t need you to even love him as much as he loves you – he doesn’t even know if that’s possible – but he just wants to know that, even if only in the slightest, his feelings are returned. He’s so distant from everyone else, but you wormed your way into his heart, even if you didn’t intend to, with your smiles and softness and kindness towards him. For the first time, he feels weak around someone, but in a way, it’s a good feeling. He wants to be able to be vulnerable, be weak, and not have anything to fear by doing so.

He’s lucid, though, so he doesn’t expect you to love him immediately. As he’s not good with words or displays of affection, he’ll get you all sorts of gifts. Rare items that you wonder how the hell he obtained them, beautifully crafted little trinkets from all his searching and time traveling, more clothes than you could ever wear. You’ll start to feel a little guilty, it’s so much, and you’re certain he doesn’t have that much money. He’ll blow it off, say it’s no big deal, but if you insist, he’ll have to start finding new ways to convey his affection. In captivity, he won’t stop trying, but he’ll understand why you might be angry. In that case, he will utilize what he’s learned from research in books he’s read. He knows that eventually, with him being the only one you have, the only company, the only one to talk to, the only source of touch, you’ll eventually have to cave. You’ll become attached to him, bond with him, whether you like it or not. He knows how powerful the affect of touch can be, and will make sure to hold you in his arms, keep you on his lap, make you crave the only source of human touch you can get. Dependency, he thinks, is the gateway to you loving him.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Drawings. So many of them. Much like his drawings he uses in notes, he’s found he tends to start scribbling a familiar face when his mind drifts off. He’s memorized every little detail of your face, every curve on your body. If you’re ever snooping around, you’ll eventually uncover a book of sketches he has solely dedicated to drawings of you. Drawings of you laughing, smiling, sleeping, drawings that you’re certain were of real events you were at, that you didn’t remember him being at. Every bit in perfect detail. If you confront him about it, he’ll be horrifically embarrassed, insisting they’re no good, or, if you’re upset, trying to reassure you it was all from his mind and totally not him lurking in the shadows as he watches you.

Also, if you want to make him happy, get him on one of his spiels about his work, his interests, anything that he can catch onto and go on and on about. He’ll catch himself rambling and apologize for being “annoying,” but if you reassure him, and express interest, that will make him feel particularly appreciated. It would be a primary way to get on his good side and manipulate him, or lull him into false security to make your escape, if that’s what you’re looking to do. But be warned, it will only work once, and he’ll be far too hurt to let himself indulge in sharing these things with you again.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Publicly, definitely highly reserved. He’s easily flustered, and thinks of sex in a very scientific way, for the purpose of procreation. For fun? He knows it’s enjoyable, but can’t separate it from his very analytic, scientific way of viewing things. It’s a formula, you touch this here and pull that there, and the result is supposed to be orgasmic bliss. He just isn’t very familiar with pleasure – he doesn’t drag out masturbation, even, as that would be a waste of time. He gets it over with quickly, taking short breaks during his work. He is a fairly high drive, though, and gets the urge fairly frequently, about once or twice a day.

He’ll be hornier with your presence, having to leave more frequently to get off to the little things you do, quickly getting himself off while recalling the mental image of you holding a pen in your mouth, the little moan when you stretch, the way your clothes fit to your frame.

Prior to abduction, he’s not particularly touchy at all, in fact, he’s very jumpy if you touch him. Once he’s gotten you alone with him for the foreseeable future, isolated, dependent, he’ll gain more confidence, be willing to give into his cravings to touch you, hold you, eventually progressing to groping you, moving his hands up and down your body, under your clothes, slowly peeling them off.

He’s initially a bit ashamed of his urges towards you, feels guilty every time he gets off to you, but will likewise gain more confidence once you're his.

A guy can only fight off the urge for so long before he cracks, before he can’t continue to care about the consequences. For him, that point is when he knows he finally has you all to himself – his worries fade, and while the guilt is still there, it’s far outweighed by desire.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He does care, but as stated previously, it’s hard to fight the urge for so long. It will be torture, but for the first few days, he wants you to “adjust” to your new “home,” and not add to your panic. After that, though, he’ll try to assess your reactions. If you’re extremely resistant, he’ll give you more “adjustment” time. He can’t really hold off forever, though, and eventually, maybe a few weeks in, comes to the conclusion that if he just does what he wants, so long as he’s gentle and reminds you he loves you, it will help you get past the mental barrier in your mind. He’s convinced there’s simply a psychological issue, and that sometimes, people need a push. It’s like having a friend who can’t swim – sometimes, you just have to throw them into the water, help them get over that mental hurdle, and they’ll be grateful in the end. That’s what he tells himself to justify it, anyway. He has enough… anatomical prerequisite knowledge to know what’s good and what’s bad, and will take your body’s positive reactions as a sign of what you really want. Is definitely the kind to use that against you, holding up his fingers to your face after you cum on them, as if to prove a point.

“See? I told you, you just have to let go and give in to what you want… if you didn’t, my fingers wouldn’t be dripping like this, now would they?”

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

He wants to experiment on you. This manifests as him being something of a service top without really intending to be, even if you’re not exactly happy about it. He likes to watch your reactions, watch the way your body moves, test the pleasure you get from different things, discover what it is that you like, even if you weren’t aware of it. In particular, he’s fascinated by the fact that girls have so many types of orgasms. He’ll want to try them all, watch and see which ones are more intense than others, which ones make you convulse, makes your toes curl, your eyes roll back. Which erogenous zones make your breath hitch, make you twitch and whimper. Probably the type to be determined that he can make you cum just from something like sucking on your nipples, and he won’t stop until he achieves it. He’ll also want to try everything. At least anything that he thinks has some potential to appeal to him, mentally. He’s a busy man and hasn’t really taken the time to explore his own sexuality, and has virtually zero experience.

Edging, overstimulation, forced orgasms

Experimentation also means testing limits and thresholds. He’ll bring you up to the edge, learn to watch for the slightest of signs that you’re close, listen to your breath, watch your face, wait until you’re just so close and then draw back, stopping just short of letting you catch that high. Then he’ll let you drift back down, and bring you back up again. No amount of begging will make him show you any mercy, you’ll only cum when he’s decided he’s observed enough. He wants to push the limit, see just how close to the edge of orgasm you can get without spilling over, just how much it takes to drive you insane. He’ll also want to see how far you can go after it as well. Orgasm won’t be the end of his ministrations, no, he wants to see how much stimulation you can take. You won’t be able to get away from his tongue, he’ll grab you by the hips and slam you back down, continuing to lap at you even if you’re so sensitive it’s painful. Watching you cum will just make him rut into you harder, bruising and abusing your insides to a point that they’re so sore you can feel it long after it’s over. At first, he might feel a little guilty, and may very well after it’s over, but in the heat of the moment, he can’t fight the insatiable urge to listen to you squeal, feel you convulse, watch the tears from overwhelming pleasure run down your face.

He’ll make it his personal mission to see how many orgasms the female body is capable of within a given amount of time - per day, per hour, how quickly you can have them in succession. For scientific purposes, of course. Anatomy and human biology isn’t really his main field of focus, but he likes to expand his research horizons.

“Just one more… cum one more time for me, then we’ll be done. Come on… I know you can, just one more.”

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He’s actually good with children, usually. He has a calming effect on kids. He isn’t sure how he feels, though. To some degree, he fears his capabilities to parent, thinks he would be too cold to be a good father. But he also likes the idea of a protege, an heir to his title, one he can teach everything he knows. If he does end up having one, this fucking nerd man will read every book on pregnancy, birthing, and parenting that he can get his hands on.

Also, he’ll absolutely be one to track your cycles, even better than you can. He’s researched enough to know exactly when you’re most or least likely to get pregnant, and you can’t help but notice how much more he seems to cum in you when you’re at your most fertile. Nor can he deny how satisfying it is to watch his cum slowly drip out of you, watching you twitch with aftershock and slowly drift off in exhaustion.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Unfortunately for you, since overstimulation and edging are already normal and everyday for you, he’ll have to amp it up a bit if he’s trying to make you regret something. He might get rougher, abusing more pleasure spots on your body, keeping his hands, mouth, and cock occupied all at once with driving you over the edge until it’s painful. But if you’re exceptionally misbehaved, you might not ever get a release to his edging, instead left to suffer from being so close, tied up so you can’t finish yourself off.

In moments when he’s really, truly angry, the peak of it, and that blends with arousal, he’ll really, really throatfuck you. Grabbing the back of your head and shoving his cock down as deep as he can, holding you there as you gag and choke, feeling your throat convulse around him, desperately trying to pull back for air. The movements are harsh and brutal, pulling harshly on your hair, moving at a pace so fast you barely have a second to breathe. Thankfully, when it gets like that, he won’t last long, emptying out into your throat, holding your jaw shut and demanding you swallow. If any spills off on your chin, he’ll gather it up on his fingers, hold it to your face, and command you to open your mouth, suck it off, and swallow again. That’s at the peak of his anger, though, and you’ll have to substantially piss him off to reach that point. He’ll apologize later, holding you close, but his guilt doesn’t change the fact that it’s one of the most intense orgasms that he’ll have, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t sometimes think of doing it again, even without provocation. He’s restrained enough not to, but the thought is there… and deep down, he’ll entertain the idea.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

The curves of your body, no matter how defined or faint they are, no matter the general shape of your body, to him it’s the most beautiful thing. He’ll definitely want to draw you, even if you’re not too keen on posing. He’ll run his hands up and down your body, squeezing every little bit of flesh he can, moving his palms over every little curve, every inch of your skin.

[idrellegames]

Wayfarer & Asexuality

It's International Asexuality Day and I wanted to talk a little bit about asexuality and Wayfarer.

I admit I am a little nervous posting this. Some of you know this already, but for those who don't, I am an ace writer. When I came out a decade ago, the vocabulary to describe my experiences barely existed. I spent years questioning who I was because I didn't know the words for it and neither did anyone around me. 

Prior to meeting my partner, dating was a nightmare. I had one really bad year in university where my friend group couldn't understand why I had never dated and spent 8 months peer pressuring me into dating a handful of different people, all because they couldn't believe I was in my early 20s and had never had a relationship and had never had sex. When I was cast in a play and had romantic scenes between myself and another one of the leads, there was a rush to get someone to kiss me so my first kiss wouldn’t be a stage kiss. Later in the rehearsal process, a student director--frustrated with a bad rehearsal--told me that I shouldn't have been cast because I couldn't play a character involved in romance if I had never been in a relationship.  

In my professional writing life, I have met resistance to the idea that asexual characters can have romance as an integral part of their character arc. During my graduate playwriting program, I conceptualized a romantic comedy with an asexual main character. This pitch was shot down by my supervisor who--while not harbouring any ill intent, just misconceptions--could not fathom a romantic comedy with an asexual character. It just didn't “work” for him. Romance is so often integrally linked with sex (both in media and outside) that to have one without the other seemed to rip away a foundational element of the genre I wanted to write. The very idea of romantic and sexual attraction being two separate things was a foreign notion. If I wanted to pursue the rom-com concept, I would have to drop the asexual identity of my lead.

I ended up writing about queer 18th century lady pirates instead, but I still really wanted to work on this ace rom-com. A few years later, I applied to a new playwrights development program to develop a similar concept. This program was funded by a queer theatre in a major Canadian city. I thought that, given that the board were openly LGBTQ+, they would be more open to the idea of an asexual romantic lead. To be fair, I didn't write the best submission (the pitch and writing samples were rushed), but again, one of the reasons it wasn't accepted was because the people reviewing my work couldn't imagine “asexual” and “romantic” existing at the same time.  

Wayfarer is the first professional project where I have been able to include asexual characters without question. That is undeniably important to me as a writer. Asexuality covers a diverse spectrum of experiences and while I may not be able to cover every single one of them, my hope is that its ace main characters provide representation that people like me have been missing in mainstream media and offers an avenue of understanding and compassion for folks who aren't ace.

Alexia is one of Wayfarer's main romanceable characters. She is biromantic asexual. Many of her experiences in navigating the desire for a romantic relationship without sex are based on my own and are an integral part of her romance arc. She is the original ace character I had planned for this game and through her I am finally able to write the ace romance I have wanted to for a very long time. 

Ren is another one of Wayfarer's main romanceable characters. He didn't originally start as an ace-spectrum character, but the more I wrote about him, the more he struck me as being demisexual (demisexuality refers to people who only feel sexual attraction to someone when they have an established emotional bond with that person). He has had one relationship prior to the start of the game, one that ended poorly. His romance arc is the slow burn of the game; it takes the longest to initiate as he needs time to build trust and connection with the MC. Like Alexia, he is also biromantic.

Felix is a main character, but he is not a romanceable by the MC. Like Alexia, he has been ace from the very beginning of conceptualization. Asexuality is not a key part of his character arc, but it does impact some of his relationships. When I created Felix, I was thinking about some of my friends who are ace men and the pressure they have felt to live up to the societal expectation that they must be sexually dominant and experienced because they are men. Felix doesn't care about sex. He is not interested. He is also demiromantic (he doesn't develop romantic feelings without a strong emotional bond).

There are other ace characters (as well as aromantic characters) in Wayfarer aside from these three. This is an explicitly queer story that takes place in an explicitly queer world, and its ace characters are a fundamental part of that queerness.