#i am so Alone here.
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aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)
#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now:#i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three#classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an#its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don#im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my#hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow.#i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is#putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator.#i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here*#*here meaning the state i live in.#i am so Alone here.#i feel little and stupid
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cleavage: fine, normal, seen often and regularly. appreciated, but normalized. can recover fairly quickly
underboob: fuck. oh fuck oh god. possibility of death or life-altering injury, shaking, sweating. earth shifts on its axis temporarily. things may never go back to normal
#it’s just so much more debilitating#i am not alone in speaking my truth here i know it#i saw a picture of scarlett bordeaux n it inspired this post btw
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RIP Carmen, you were named after two of Dean’s favorite things ✌️😌
#full disclosure i tweeted this two years ago#thought i'd posted it here as well but apparently i didn't#but it just popped into my head again so here we are#also i'm now realizing that because her last name is porter one could argue that she's named after THREE of his fave things#cars men & beer :)#but that's less snappy so i'm leaving the main post alone lol#on some level i am always deanposting#fandom: supernatural
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"Oh Bad, I missed your demonic smell," "I missed you guys too!" Welcome back madrugaduo 2024
#badboyhalo#arkanis bagi#I would feel bad tagging it as arkanis fanart so I'll leave that tag alone#madrugadeiros#madrugaduo#mmangoarts#realized the background looks like snow when it was meant to be stars but yknow as long as it has a bit of a nostalgia feel to it#I did not mean to come back with fanart of badboyhalo again but here I am
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We as a society do not pop off enough about young Jackles playing a dude in a throuple with the original Dr Sexy, Mr Patrick Dempsey himself. Whose name in the movie is Cass! I mean, come on!
#i watched this awful movie that was totally worth it for the jackles scenes alone and i lost my fucking shit#but i could find very few people also losing their shit#so i am here to spread the good word#blonde 2001#eddie g#jensen ackles#you bet your ass i'm also tagging destiel because the parallels are insane#spoiler alert but cass dies and jackles sobs#uuuuggggghhhhhhh#destiel
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Trolling aside, i think there is some great importance as to why Gege chose this specific manner of panelling for the Yuji-Sukuna confrontation in JJK 264. We can't help but think that Gege's trying to show us some sort of a parallel between Gojo and Sukuna in this situation.
In JJK, there's this interesting notion of one's decision to go "North" or "South" as explained by Nanami during Gojo's death Flashback:
And we all know, that chapter of Gojo's death is titled as "Go South", which highly implies that Gojo chose to stay as who he was, as opposed to starting as something completely anew.
Now the interesting point in the Yuuji-Sukuna confrontation is that apparently...
....the destination for the supposed train within Yuuji's domain...is "North".
Which means that Yuuji's taking Sukuna towards the North.......
They're heading towards the North.....do you guys understand what that means?? For BOTH of them??? Q C Q
#why am i suddenly getting the feeling that both Yuuji and Sukuna are going to die together#and Yuuji's grandpa's whole shibangle of “Yuuji make sure you don't die alone” BRO do you UNDERSTAND??#also WHY is YUUJI looking SO happy like all cheery and happy like they're a bunch of friends boarding the train going on a friggin#vacation???#he's all specific bout it too like wdym “ Come on Let's go! Sukuna!” WHAT??#also does Yuuji REALISE that the one he's being all casual and shiet with the KING of CURSES is his last remaining FAMILY??#The only one he could call as “his own” ????? BRO WHY'S THIS ALL HITTING ME ALL AT ONCE--#my heart is </3 ing the more i'm thinking about it i need a few more chapters before i could fully articulate my thoughts well but the#IMPLICATIONS here man i'm just...MAN#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#yuuji#itadori#yuji#jjk#jjk 264#jjk leaks#spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#king of curses#my thoughts#ooc
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Oh, Lala...
#atla#avatar the last airbender#atla fanart#atla art#atla azula#princess azula#atla ursa#suki#atla suki#kyoshi warriors au#kyoshi warriors#Kyoshi Warrior Ursa AU#wip#I felt like sharing a little snippet of a two-page comic I've been working on for AGES#Literally you have no idea for how long this has been sitting on my drafts#Mainly because I keep getting sidetracked by new AUs and sketches and projects. But that's nothing new so#This one is a deep-ish dive into the basic character dynamics between the Fire Siblings as well as Ursa and Suki#Or should I say#Between the siblings Ruolan and Jian Li regarding their mother Noriko and each other.#I know the names can get rather confusing. I'd love to explain the reasoning behind them if anyone would like to know tho#Moving on#There's a lot to unpack in that scene#The characters are different from how we know them due to their circumstances in this AU. But they have things in common with the og series#Of course that remains for you to see#I'm so excited to finish this and share it with you guys!#Some of you have been asking about Azula/Ruolan and Ursa/Noriko in this AU and I am here to deliver#I love the dynamic between this little family SO much it's driving me insane#That being said#What do you get from this panel alone? What do you think it's happening?#I'd love to hear your thoughts on this
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same as it never was.
#variant + wip under the cut!#back to the future#bttf#marty mcfly#fanart#my art#illustration#having big lone pines timeline feelings. can you tell#tfw when you're you but you're not You.#you're not the You they know and you're not the You they grew up with or raised and you're not the You who belongs here#tfw everything is better but nothing is right#but if you're the only one who knows any different#then is it really everything else that's the problem?#tfw you overwrite your entire reality but in doing so you created a world you don't and can never belong in#tfw you alone remember a childhood that never existed because you destroyed it#tfw you technically committed temporal genocide but your mom needs you to make space on the table for the turkey#as you can see i am normal about marty mcfly
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this has to end
#season 2 is going to wreck us lads#arcane#arcane vi#vi arcane#my art#told myself going in that this would be half assed but the tattoos alone cost me at least three quarters of an ass so here I am
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okay but post-canon luo binghe suddenly being atticwifed by an overly jealous shen qingqiu and feeling euphoric bc omg shizun can't stand the thought of binghe being with anyone else and is locking him up to be his only thing in the world!! shizun wants only him and no one else!!! shizun is guarding him like vicious dragon guarding its precious treasure!! he's living it up being shizun's house wife only, doing nothing but serving his husband and proudly wearing the chain like it's a second wedding ring and basking in the jealous attention like there's no tomorrow
but then it turns out shen qingqiu actually got hit with one of pidw's wife plot-pollen that made him act so jealous and crazy, and when it's over (either by papapa or time), shen qingqiu profusely apologizes and says he'd never do such a thing to binghe and it wasn't like him at all and binghe stands there like "oh..."
#binghe: being pushed into the abyss hurt less than this😔#man was living his dream getting pinned down with shizun telling him he's HIS and HIS ALONE#shen qingqiu was chasing ppl off saying they only need each other and binghe cried tears of happiness#shen qingqiu: you are MINE. you will NEVER leave. i'll keep you locked in here to the end of time#luo binghe. hornier than he has ever been in his life: am i in heaven?#also binghe after: what do you mean you'd never do this. P L E A S E say sike#svsss#bingqiu#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#theyre so silly your honor#scum villain#scum villian self saving system#atticwife luo binghe
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"See you tomorrow"
MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]
#better drawn mdzs#MDZS Disco Elysium AU#mdzs au#Lan wangji#wei wuxian#yiling laozu#Happy Belated Halloween!#digital art#Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone.#I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen.#Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture.#Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now#Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen.#The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers.#My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene.#The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined.#It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change -#You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time#You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts-#You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember.#WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.
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No one understands how much I hate myself. I hate myself so fucking much I can’t even look on the mirror without feeling absolutely disgusted. I want to die.
#i dont want to be here#mentally exhausted#tw depressing stuff#im losing hope#i hate myself#i want to die#i’m so alone#self h@rm#i hate my existence#mental health relapse#anxi4ty#deppresing quotes#deppresing thoughts#depressing shit#i relapsed again#i want to disappear#tired of life#i hate my body#i hate me lol#i hate me why am i like this
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like many who have suffered at the hands of bbc merlin before me, i recently indulged in a thought experiment in which i outlined my own version of seasons 3-5 that stay thematically and tonally in line with the show (except they're less fucking stupid). but then i quickly realized that focusing on details is pointless: all you need is to solve the one Big Problem the show has, and the rest will follow. the problem in question? ✨morgana✨
i like the first two seasons. s1 achieves what it sets out to do and has fun while doing it, and s2, while flawed, sets up a ton of potential that the following seasons unfortunately squander, beginning with the insidious season 3. you can only distract me with cute knights and goblins and fart jokes for so long before i start seeing through you, evil, evil season of television.
my hypothesis is that if the writers had crafted s3 morgana into anything more sympathetic than a violent half-alive poltergeist that can never be reasoned with because she's suddenly terminally off her rocker, everything would've fallen into place. a sympathetic morgana would've made real, valid arguments against uther (and arthur) that wouldn't just be the ramblings of a woman possessed. her betrayal of arthur would have stemmed from her feeling increasingly morally superior to him because of his complacency in the face of their father's tyranny. under morgause's guidance she would stop believing that arthur is capable of change, and the whole point would be that she might actually be right. arthur would have to actively try and prove her wrong, instead of getting praised for doing the bare minimum because the bar is on the floor.
furthermore, morgana's prophetic dream about arthur and gwen becoming king and queen and her decision to prevent this however she can is a direct parallel to merlin learning about that same prophecy and making it happen by any means necessary. merlin's desires about his and arthur's futures are subtextually fueled by gay love and devotion, so why couldn't morgana's be? why couldn't she properly express her bitterness that arthur gets to be with gwen in a way she can't "took gwen away" from her, instead of suddenly declaring that gwen is nothing more than a servant, after two seasons of demonstrating again and again that she loves, values, and respects gwen more than anyone else in that godforsaken castle?
following this, an angry and emotionally volatile but still sensible morgana asking gwen to stay by her side during the coup of the castle in the s3 finale and gwen going behind her back to help arthur and the knights would've hurt like a bitch. double-sided betrayal! gwen having a real plot! the proper beginnings of a toxic yuri that would shape a generation!
then there's the utter hubris of having morgana shoot arrows at the same civilians she worried herself sick over for 2 seasons — even morgan, her medieval counterpart that was rooted in every sexist trope in existence, doesn't just go around killing senselessly but instead has (often petty!) personal vendettas against gwen, arthur, and the knights. morgana had every right to be sick of the pretensions around chivalry in camelot (she was always quick to mock it, even in s1), and to lash out at the knights and soldiers after years of feeling powerless in a castle full of armed men that blindly followed her oppressor. the show conveniently forgets that morgana was victimized as a woman as well as a sorcerer those first 2 seasons.
but like i said, this is not just about morgana. allowing her to remain a real and multifaceted character even as she betrays everyone in pursuit of her ambitions would've given the rest of the core four more interesting conflict to work with: merlin because he would have to experience real consequences to his actions, arthur because he would watch his sister go against his father (and his knights, and his birthright) and experience some actual internal dilemmas about it, and gwen because she would be forced to choose between morgana and arthur without the pretense that it's an obvious or easy choice for her to make.
even morgause and gaius would come off more interesting as mentors: neither one inherently evil or inherently good, both jaded by events that happened before our protagonists were even born, both heavily influencing morgana and merlin into fulfilling roles that they think are appropriate, but that morgana and merlin may not have chosen for themselves had they not been under their care.
you get the gist. if the show followed its own setup, morgana's mistakes wouldn't lie in cheap and senseless acts of violence but in alienating the people she loves because she is too hurt and jaded to trust them. meanwhile, everybody else would feel guilt over "failing" her and yet they would be too caught up in their own (sometimes flawed!) beliefs of right and wrong to truly see her point of view.
arthur would convince himself it was sorcery that corrupted her. merlin would know that isn't true but he wouldn't be able to argue without confessing everything, which is the defining conflict between him and morgana and it's cheapened when she's just an evil witch caricature and merlin is framed as inherently virtuous in contrast. gwen, too, would become a more active participant in her own life by choosing arthur over morgana and choosing to rule camelot with him instead of just waiting politely to see where things go.
and, of course, uther's downfall and death would be quick, final, and completely earned — when and why did the show even decide he of all people was the sympathetic villain, anyway?
lastly, and perhaps controversially, i think morgana should've learned merlin's true identity by season 4. her being the first of the main characters to find out makes perfect sense considering their shared history and their interconnected and mirrored arcs. even the show seems to agree, considering she does find out a little before arthur. but the narrative itself tried pointing flashing neon arrows towards this way earlier — there is a whole entire episode in s4 where merlin being emrys is repeatedly spelled out for morgana and she still isn't allowed to see it. that episode makes her look like the stupidest person to ever live, which is pretty funny im not gonna lie, but also another frustrating thing in the endless string of frustrating things that make up this show.
morgana learning that merlin has magic would've transformed the source of merlin's anxiety from a crippling fear of being outed someday to the crippling fear of knowing she could out him at any moment. this would make him want to beat her to the punch (perhaps he'd consider killing her for a minute and decide against it because she isn't a cartoonishly insane evil person in my version of events) and maybe he would even feel some tentative excitement at the idea of coming clean, now that it seems inevitable. after all, he always intended to tell arthur eventually! and i think gaius would have to admit outright that he does not want merlin to tell arthur he has magic because he, gaius, simply cannot risk such a gamble. it would be so interesting to see gaius and merlin clash and disagree once it becomes obvious that it's not merlin that isn't ready for the reveal, it's gaius. delicious!
with morgana's knowledge looming, things would inevitably spiral into a magic reveal by the end of season 4. i picture this season as an absolute mess of miscommunication between everyone at camelot, which is, y'know, canon. growing increasingly cunning and vengeful, morgana would use this tension to her advantage, destabilizing the court from the outside while she creates alliances with other sorcerers outside of camelot (instead of living alone in a hovel for no reason — morgana le fay i'm sorry i'm so sorry they gave you agravaine instead of your all-female entourage oh my god).
and here's where the events would change beyond recognition (aka here's where the meta becomes the fanfic i refuse to write). picture it with me: a militia of sorcerers infiltrates camelot and arthur and gwen have to set aside their differences (assuming gwen kissing lancelot and arthur overreacting happens, which it should) for the good of the kingdom as well as for love. picture high priestess morgana in her element, side by side with a bunch of misfit sorcerers that aren't so easily vilified, chopping down camelot's soldiers and knights and assuredly making their way to the newly-minted king.
then, just as it starts to seem that all hope is lost, in swoops merlin (the actual merlin, not his old fart disguise) on dragonback (kilgharrah hates morgana so much i know his sexist ass would stoop to anything to stop her)!!! imagine merlin showing off the extent of his powers in front of everyone and preventing the sorcerers from getting any further, declaring loud and clear that camelot is protected by him, by emrys. imagine that display of power alone being enough to send everyone home.
imagine the loyalties clearly drawn: merlin on arthur's side, morgana on the sorcerers'. imagine arthur, feeling confused and betrayed by everyone at this point, banishing merlin despite everything he's done for him in the angstiest, most emotionally dysregulated scene the show had ever put to screen. imagine merlin starting season 5 free at last but very lonesome, an embittered dragonlord like his father. imagine the absolute mess camelot would become without him, even with gwen — now queen guinevere — there to pick up the slack. imagine arthur actually earning merlin back, finally growing into his role as king as he does so. imagine the reunion.
all this and more could've been not just possible but inevitable if morgana was allowed to remain a complex character that is neither inherently good nor inherently evil: it was undeniably the biased and one-note treatment of morgana's downfall by the writers that set the precedent for literally everything else that happened after merlin chose to poison her. the show wouldn't have even had to jeopardize its tone or the monster-of-the-week vibe, all it would've had to do is admit that even the "good guys" are capable of mistakes and what makes them good is the ability to feel remorse and change for the better. (as opposed to uther, who was miles beyond redemption since way before the pilot and deserved to lose everything and die alone. OBVIOUSLY???)
in a world where morgana remains multifaceted and sympathetic, mordred would get a better arc as well, so if we really wanted to, we could still end on the same tragic note that the show ended on. with so much harm inflicted onto so many innocent people by the pendragons for so long (including mordred and the many druids and sorcerers that raised him), it could realistically end up being a little too late for anything more than one shining glimpse of king arthur and the sorcerer merlin's short-lived golden age before fate catches up to them. glimpsing that reality just to immediately lose it would've been far more satisfying and far more tragic than whatever the writers thought they were doing with all that pointless carrot-dangling.
and finally, an ending in line with morgana's new and improved arc. in this version, rather than bleeding out on the forest floor alone, she would channel the morgan le fay we know from the legends: sobered up by the reality of her brother dying, she would use her high priestess status (and perhaps also her pendragon status) to be granted passage over to avalon alongside arthur on the boat — a one-way ride — just to make sure he gets there safely. this is her penance for the harm she has caused, the same way arthur's penance is to die and leave the true ruler of camelot (gwen) behind to achieve everything he was too slow and indecisive to build while he still had time.
merlin's penance, then, would be to stay behind and watch them cross over without him, waiting and waiting and waiting until they come back or until he can finally join them. which is a bit fucking harsh if i'm honest, so i'd at least make it slightly more faithful to the legends by having him return as an old man and letting him take a long nap under a tree by the shore, his body slowly enveloped by vines like the cobwebbed fisher king in 3x08, never fully sure if he's dreaming or if there really are strange shapes fading in and out of the fog over the lake. still tragic, but nevertheless a little more open-ended and whimsical than [TRUCK NOISES] THE END!
#[johnny the dragon voice] ✨ MORGANA ✨#tldr: if you treat your villain with nuance then more nuance will follow and your story will be better for it! groundbreaking i know!!!#what im also getting at is that morgana broke free FIRST so she DESERVED to become the morgan le fay of legend#way before any of the others grew into their own roles.#morgana#bbcm#bbc merlin#analysis#merlin meta#theres no focus on the knights here but if you know me you know how angry i am about s4 and s5 gwaine at all times#so in a story with a more nuanced portrayal of villainy and knighthood i think he would openly question his choice to become one#and maybe he'd leave for a while#go home and sort out his daddy issues. have some fruity subplots along the way. visit merlin during his dragonlord era. that sort of thing#and interact with lancelot at least once!!! for gods sake#but i dont see lancelot surviving sorry. that dude will literally die for anything#also scientists and tv execs had not yet discovered bisexuality in 2011 and he already had everyone acting unwise#in ways that barely got past the censors :/ unsustainable#elyan however shouldnt have died. i know gwen ruling alone with only the lamest knights in her service is “the point”#but its a stupid point. elyan is her best knight and they rule camelot together. working class heroes etc.#poetic justice for their father who was murdered by uther + a fun narrative contrast to morgana and arthur#nightmare siblings of all time. banished from the mortal realm for their crimes. could never rule together. stinky#ANYWAY. I HAVE THREE (3) EXAMS DUE THIS WEEK. HERE'S TWO THOUSAND (2000) WORDS OF BBC MERLIN ANALYSIS.
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Don't push yourself too hard💕
#illustration#artists on tumblr#cute#artoftheday#digital illustration#wholesome#cat illustration#cat of tumblr#caturday#pretty cats#cats in love#you are not alone#i am here for you#thank you for always being here#i'll always be here#a gentle reminder#you can't do everything all at once#please be gentle with yourself#be gentle with yourself#small progress is still progress#so proud of you for trying#it's okay to cry#everything will be okay#its okay#rest#rest is productive#relatable#relatable art#gentle reminder#rest is important
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the thing about bruce trying to kill the joker is that people always leave it at 'superman stopped him', which is only partially true. superman does stop him but only during the assembly itself. as soon as he's inhaled all the joker gas, he says, "Batman, he's all yours."
he lets bruce have him, and he doesn't step back in until it's time to pull bruce from the water. maybe this is just because it took him a while to dispose of the gas, but i've always seen it as superman essentially giving batman permission of a sort to do what he needed to do.
maybe clark didn't know what bruce would choose - whether he would lock the joker up or put him six feet under - but he trusted bruce's judgement. maybe clark was sure of bruce's intentions, that he truly believed that bruce would do the 'right' thing. or maybe clark knew that bruce was going to kill him, and he took a step back. i don't know if we're ever told, and i don't think i want to know. i just think it's very interesting.
but bruce did fully try to kill the joker. nobody could stop him, and in the end superman didn't try to. the joker had literally been shot and the helicopter was about to explode and bruce left him there to die. the comic ends with bruce yelling to find his body, but thinking, "But I know they won't. That's how things always end with the Joker and me. Unresolved."
#this is more word vomit than anything#i just think it's so much more interesting with the context that bruce was not stopped. he was momentarily paused but he was not stopped#i just see posts all the time like 'imagine jason finds out that it's because of clark that the joker's still alive'#and it's just. that's not really what happened. you know?? like it's definitely fun to play with#and you should stick with that if that's what you like i just prefer this version of events#i do think it was clark letting bruce make his own choice though. like supes leaving and then coming back at the end to grab bruce's hand#to me says 'i know you need to do this alone but i am here with you. whatever you choose i will hold your hand regardless.' you know??#i'll make a real post about this at some point i'm just rambling right now#bruce wayne#batman#jason todd#red hood#<- tagging him because it's about his death#batfamily
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you raggedy hoes that see a vent post talking about perhaps, politics/fatphobia *insert anything really* and get hung up on someone using AAVE in THEIR posts.
"Oh the message is sound but it could've been written better!" ....I said what I said. Y'all really do have the audacity lmao.
No one asked for your seal or stamp of approval- literally what is the point of commenting shit like that besides pointing out what an asshole you are?
#i am so beyond tired of yall#and yall think that shit is cute#i just be wanting to stomp yall throats#fatally#bc...you could leave posts alone#and here you go :)#cry me a fuckin river abt “correct” english#lee rambles#antiblackness#aave
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