#i am simply: deranged

[oftenlyshitposting]

shin: best not let my beauty distract you from my autistic and homicidal tendencies

[blackkatdraws2]

Mariella [Achromatic Loop / Blank Scripts AU]

[paradife-loft]

I think my favorite thing about Katya/Sofia is the way that, in their final scenes, they end up thematically switching places with one another in how they're set up as foils to one another through the rest of the film

Sofia, who starts off beholden to no one in terms of loyalty, family connections, patronage, etc; who to Katya represents a (very idealized) notion of freedom that she envies but can't access - ends up leaving with the collection of her mother's belongings that she was finally able to buy back (which does incidentally include a watch, where she hadn't been associated with that motif much up until then!). It's a better ending than most (since she, y'know, lives), but even then she's still fundamentally unfulfilled, because the ties she developed to Katya, the ones she wanted to maybe start building a life around, have been irreparably severed.

Meanwhile, Katya has been the nexus of so many personal ties of obligation through most of the film, even as she resents what they've contorted her life into. But she makes her ultimate decision to betray Goncharov and the goals she'd been helping him toward up until then, as a selfish one for nobody else's benefit, giving up the life of prestige she had/was close to having so that she wouldn't be emotionally tied down by the relationship they once had, the system of connections and favors and debts she came from. (Incidentally, this is why I think her plan was to fake her death, even if it's left ambiguous in the actual scene; what else could be a more complete severing of connections that would allow you to become a new, unburdened person entirely?) The fact that she's not thinking of Sofia as affected by her decision, because she's not thinking of her as a part of that same web of connections, is what makes that unintentional second betrayal so tragic! But even so, it means she ends in a place similar to what we first see as Sofia's position - independent and able to make her own way in the world, but having sacrificed something she didn't realize she'd miss for it, until after the deed was already done.

[hella1975]

dabihawks are a perfect ship like they're a blue-red dynamic they're character foils one was the son of a hero and became a villain one was the son of a villain and became a hero they're heavy-handed societal extremes they're perfect opposites they're the exact same they're child soldiers they're animal motif coded there is so much there symbolically to justify the ship but if you asked me the real reason i enjoy them? they are insane. like they are both so freakishly mentally ill and they're dysfunctional and toxic and traumatised and they bug the fuck out of each other and they hate each other and they understand each other's morals better than anyone while still fundamentally opposing each other and i want nothing more than to put those two freaks in situations just to see who explodes the other first

[narwhalandchill]

wait aint no fucking way an actual genshin loretuber even jokingly acknowledged the rabbit hole insanity that is childe 3rd descender theories what the fuck.

is it finally legal for me to break my self imposed silence on the subject without publicly and shamefully removing all my credibility on genshin lore. please please . this is a super fucking vulnerable moment for me guysssss

(under read more bc full disclosure 100% i Will embarrass myself here. this is NOT on my top of the line Childe Theories And Analysis That I Will Defend In Court Under My Legal Name if Questioned list please understand. this is way more self indulgent and wildly speculative for me as much as i do Genuinely see there being a ground for the theory to stand on. ik when im off to the deep end JKWDKJJKWDJKWD)

like seriously be Aware this WILL be a complete mess btw you have all been warned so like no refunds accepted. if youd like to keep an image of me in your head where i am even slightly respectable and realistic when it comes to my theories please stay there. in the light. where the sun shines.

......

...

so. you have chosen death. o7

ok firstly. YES i KNOWW childe 3rd descender theory is batshit stuff thats Why i havent said shit abt it all this time bc i do Not trust myself to be truly objective on the subject bc i Want the theory to be real so bad so its like of course ill readily disregard all other possible candidates for 3rd descender bc bias. and also see it as more plausible that ajax has sth to do w that and make connections more readily. than any lore enthused person existing without his continued rent free existence in their brain for the last 3+ years. so like. yes. listen. i Know i know its prolly not real. but also i must # speak my truth .

anyway the vid didnt even fully touch on all the like. shady fucking shit when it comes to the Curious coincidences. bc like. so firstly the star thing and connections w childe

so wei did bring up the whole . ajax is released on patch 1.1 called "a new star approaches" (and also polar star is his sig) . except like Theres More bc while i was researching random childe brain rot stuff (sadly dont remember/have a link to where i first saw it) . that title in CN is even more pointedly About ajax bc apparently its about a "guest star". and a guest star again according to that post at least is specifically considered an omen of bad luck in chinese astrology. a guest star approaching = a disaster approaching. like mayhaps a ginger guy resurrecting osial or something . huh . maybe ajax Is the guestpilled starmaxxer in that title. the approacherrrrrr, even

secondly. there are some well hidden references to ajax As A Star in the fontaine AQ too. bc the act III where we go looking for him after he goes missing is called "to the stars shining in the depths" except again i have found a source (yes no link to it saved once again my bad) that its titled "to the morning star in the deep water" in chinese. which is again star singular. curious

then theres the act III official description. that goes "the moment it seized its destiny, the star quietly fell from its lofty perch". and like idk abt yall but if its fontaine AQ act III and you ask me WHOS out there seizing their destiny of all things. It Seems Somewhat Plausible To Argue that its PROBABLY referring to the guy thats out there getting teleported to the primordial sea to face the creature thats Literally etched into the stars as his constellation. like . i have a very Difficult time trying to see the star that is seizing its destiny at this moment as Anyone but him reuniting w the narwhal for the first time in a decade and his 1st thought is to throw hands JKJKWDJKWDJKWDJK

(also. "fell from its lofty perch". fell from where. falling towards where. mayhaps even................ descending?????? if Seizing your destiny is taking your fate into your own hands.... a star that Falls from its perch.... that Descends after seizing its destiny....... Curious is all i will say. hey guys do you think your vision would mayhaps begin rejecting you if you start seizing ur own destiny and thus failing to follow the "duty" of predestined fate that same vision had bestowed upon you. guys do you think a star that seizes its destiny and falls from its lofty perch would get vision error 404. guys----)

also this is a smaller thing bc i think ascension mat theories are largely fringe and not that reliable (ning guizhong reincarnation "theories" ThoseWhoKnow) but i do think it can be acknowledged as a sort of. Extension to all these curious references to stars and being A Star when it comes to childe. he does use Star Conches for ascension . so like it can be a little extra on top of the other more serious more Professionally Certified star things hoyo is curiously attaching to him

so like . a star. a star also being a thing the traveler is repeatedly called. its so quirky that this pattern continues. so thats one thing

oh and also. if childes the non-descender (bc he clearly hasnt regained that status Yet) reincarnated soul of the 3rd descender.

you know what. a dead star. if its massive enough. like perhaps massive enough in some genshin metaphysical fantasy way. to be a star that counts as a descender with a will that rivals a world. if a heavy enough. star. dies. you know. you know what they turn into---

[THERE IS A MAD GLEAM IN MY EYES. YOU HEAR BOSS MUSIC.]

Anyway Hello Dear Reader Of Mine Humble Blog Would You Like To Spare A Moment To Discuss How The All-Devouring Narwhal That Consumes Any And All Stellar Object Coming Into Its Orbit Also Known As Ajax' Reflection In Teyvat's Skies Is Essentially A Sentient Living Black Hole And How A Black Hole Is Formed When A Star Dies? No? Okay.

like wouldnt it be super fucking funny if the constellation of the dead descenders reincarnated soul is a creature that for all intents and purposes is a black hole. like. a dead star. wouldnt that be funny

and before you ask. yes i have thoughts that would make ajax & narwhal are soulmates slash halves of the same entity that remains fully compatible with the 3rd descender brainrot but i. will Not subject you people to that. theres "respectably self aware insane theory i indulge in but know the limitations of" and then theres "jens top 10 personal jenshin impact plot twist wishlist please fulfill mr dawei pwease i swear itll be peak" like ffs. it might seem otherwise given the words i am saying right now but i do have Some propriety

the divine halberd was shattered into NINE piece---- (GUNSHOT)

whoa. what a loser high on her own hopium i wonder who that was. good thing the snipers got her ass there

back to your regularly scheduled programming. obviously theres other things that would very conveniently be explained by this 3rd descender shit as well like. dead eyes. soul of a dead descender thats in Literal Pieces body wise. the dead star that carries a curse above ground upon first making contact with the truth of his being aka post abyss training camp post meeting his mirror imaged destiny in his narwhal. a curse like mayhaps bringing chaos whenever he goes. an incompatibility with the world. drawing everything into his orbit being the eye of the storm or perhaps... the Singularity???? the event horizon??? a source of endless unrest and disaster........ just like the curse of a gnosis TEE HEE .

anyway super funny how that goes. and then another thing wei didnt really. fully go into is naturally the

(DEEP BREATH)

3rd son of his family with 3 older siblings and 3 younger siblings 3rd limited character ever released with 3 names and the 3rd weekly boss with 3 phases each representing 3 unique sources of power (vision, delusion and foul legacy) a 3 petaled symbol aka the triquetra of riptide and six in-game constellations divided into 3 subgroups with 3 unique prefixes (foul legacy, abyssal mayhem, havoc in eng) 3 days missing from teyvat and 3 months spent in abyss is 3rd to wield foul legacy after surtalogi and skirk

also the first character to receive a 3rd rateup banner ANYWAY (also the possible. is the 3rd reincarnation of the original ajax thing. but yeas)

[Me When I'm In A Be Suspiciously Associated With The Number 3 Competition And My Opponent Is Childe Ajax Tartaglia]

isnt it just silly. how many times it comes up. Nobody talk to meeeee its so over

theres prolly some other things too that i have driven myself to madness with when thinking abt this but idr em right now and like . not like this is any manner of serious respectable theory anyway sooooooooo

anyway ill stop embarrassing myself now. like as i said i have been legally forcing myself into silence on this bc listen. i KNOW this is bullshit i KNOW im a deranged biased childe main who will do Anything just to cook up a fantasy version of genshins endgame lore where My Dude is at the center stage and gets to be a massive fucking deal yes 100% deserve to be disqualified on account of terminal stage blorbo bias when it comes to theories on the subject i just. the fact that this is the FIRST time i see Any loretuber person acknowledge the theory. i just had to come in here and let it be known that. Yes. ive been seeing this shit and thinking abt it SINCE 4.2 dropped since that stupid fucking note about forsaking the self and being reborn in the abyss as a holy infant or a primordial human or a descender and that somehow Thats called Ajax. of all things. its horribleeee it eats me alive

[crossbackpoke-check]

Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee

dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.

jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3

[archduke-enver-gortash]

constantly sitting here with The Guilt like ‘i know i’ve massively fucked up somehow but i just haven’t realised it yet’ it’s truly like sitting on train tracks with no train in sight… you know it’s coming though

[mad-hunts]

barton's legit reaction on camera whenever he finds out that the doctors in arkham have written a special note on his chart that says he should now be muzzled before being transported someplace (and i just thought i should mention this would take place right after he had pretty much bitten off the ear of a guard as well as strangled them in the past... like UMMM ☠️ i'm definitely not saying it's right to muzzle a human being, but he would really be out here acting like that didn't happen jsjsj)

[darknesspervades]

listen. there's someone in my class who also likes the hunger games but man, it's slightly annoying.

because she's not the feral analysis sort, she just thinks they're cool and keeps completely missing the point when discussing them.

which, ok, valid. but sometimes i realise that non tumblr girlies do not think about that series in the same way i do. like, wdym those are mainstream books? no they're not, they're for me and my 10 followers to overanalyse.

[waitineedaname]

There had been a time when Scar had done things out of love. It was why he became a monk – out of love for his people, his culture, his family. He had always been a rather gruff man, but he loved deeply, and he loved the people of Ishval more than anything.

He could pinpoint with horrific clarity the exact moment when that man died, and he became a man fueled by hatred. The moment Amestris took everything from him and destroyed it in front of his eyes, the moment his hand was forced and he left his name behind him to set off on the path of revenge – that was a memory burned irreparably into his mind. He still loved his people, but love and hate were close cousins. It was his love of his people that made his hatred burn so bright. Knowing how many lives had been lost, how many people had been forced from their homes, how much poverty swept through their communities only made the injustice more evident. He did not like being Scar, the murderer exacting justice against other murderers, but Amestris left him no other choice. The moment his family was slaughtered and he awoke with his brother’s arm, his path forward was decided.

He could not, with the same accuracy, identify the moment when he began doing things out of uncorrupted love again, but he suspected it had something to do with the little girl.

Mei Chang insisted she was thirteen years old with the defiance only possessed by preteens, but he struggled to believe it sometimes. She was so small, much smaller than he and his brother had been at that age, smaller than any of his young cousins had been. There could be any number of explanations for it. Perhaps Xingese girls tended to be shorter than Ishvalan girls. Maybe her parents were short, and it was just genetics. Scar suspected otherwise, though. He had seen it in his own people, among the children who were young during the war, and those born afterwards. They were scrawny and small. Poverty and tragedy led to a whole generation of children shrinking, the effects of malnourishment glaringly obvious.

He couldn’t help but find similarities between her struggle and the plight of his people. They weren’t exactly the same, of course. Mei Chang was technically royalty, after all, and though her clan was marginalized compared to others in Xing, there had not been an outright genocide on the scale of Ishval. That didn’t stop him from seeing her drive to help her people at any cost, her desperation to live and keep her loved ones alive, her stubborn determination beyond her years, and identifying with it. That thought was shockingly painful. She was sweet and baby-faced and kind and gentle. The idea that she could turn out at all like him if her path continued in a certain direction – it was dreadful. 

He could not change her circumstances. He knew little about the politics of Xing, and it wasn’t within his power to give her clan what they needed to survive. Instead, he had to focus on what was within his power. The girl was hungry and malnourished. He could do something about that.

When traveling, he and the others tended to stick to the slums, particularly where Ishvalan refugees gathered. Scar felt conflicted about the experience. On one hand, he knew it was safer, since he stood out less, and his own people were less likely to turn him over to the authorities. The familiarity was also a comfort. It was a reminder that his people were not all dead, they were still building lives out of what they had, and even when he was so far from home, he could still surround himself with familiar faces, familiar smells, familiar scraps of culture. At the same time, it was a painful reminder that all they had were scraps. A reminder that they were forced into these slums miles away from their homeland, that they were a small population on the outside of Amestrian society. A double-edged sword, as always.

Though small, the slum they were currently camping outside of had a market. It was nothing like the grand sensory experience that the markets in Ishval were, but it had enough to cover his needs. He was able to find chickpeas and a cut of lamb easily, as well as vegetables and dried fruits. He only faltered when selecting the spices. Not for the first time, he wished he’d paid more attention when his mother and aunts cooked meals for the family. He wished he’d had the foresight to write down their recipes, so they wouldn’t be lost to time.

The spice vendor took pity on him when he stood silently in front of her stall for too long. “What are you making, young man?” she asked, more gentle than he deserved. She was elderly, old enough to be his grandmother, certainly too old to still be working. Her knuckles were swollen and arthritic, and her eyes crinkled kindly when she smiled at him. 

“Do you know what spices go into lamb tagine?” he asked instead of thinking about how terribly she reminded him of the older women in his family.

“Of course I know that,” she said, chuckling at him. She sat up and began distributing spoonfuls of spices into their containers. “You’ll want more cumin than the other spices, but not so much that it only tastes like cumin. I wish I had saffron to give you, but it’s hard to get these days.” She handed him the spices and told him a price that was much too low. When he handed her the cenz, she briefly clutched his hand. “You remind me of my nephew. He was a strong young man, just like yourself.”

She did not have to tell him out loud that her nephew had been killed. It went without saying. “May he be at rest with Ishvala,” he told her, bending his head solemnly.

She squeezed his hand briefly, then released it. Her eyes shone with tears, but she still smiled kindly at him. “I hope your family enjoys your meal.”

The thorned knot of love, hate, and grief pressed closer around his heart. He thanked her and ducked out of the market as quickly as he could. 

Yoki complained loudly about dinner taking several hours to cook, but a sharp glare from Scar was enough to silence him. Mei, however, sidled up next to him, eyes wide, as he added more water to cover the last several ingredients. “That smells amazing, Mr. Scar!” she exclaimed. Xiao-Mei was practically drooling at her side. “What’s in it?”

“Lamb, onion, dried fruit, chickpeas, squash,” he listed, stirring the meal and covering it so the squash would cook through, “Honey and spices. My mother would make it on cold nights.”

As if reminded of the cold, Mei hugged her arms around herself and tucked in closer to Scar’s side. Xiao-Mei curled up on her lap and shivered. The girl was uncharacteristically quiet for a while, staring into the fire. Scar allowed her the silence. “I miss my mom’s cooking,” she eventually said, voice quiet.

Scar watched the flames lick under the pot in silence for a long moment. “I do too,” he eventually admitted.

He did not put an arm around her when she leaned against his side, but he allowed her to stay there until he was satisfied the squash was fully cooked. 

When the meal was finally distributed into bowls, Mei devoured it like her life depended on it. “This is delicious, Mr. Scar!” she said once she finally came up for air, allowing Xiao-Mei the chance to steal a chunk of butternut squash. 

“It would be better over couscous,” Scar said, though he couldn’t argue with her. It wasn’t as good as his mother’s cooking, but the flavors were familiar. It tasted like home, or a memory of it.

“Would we be able to find couscous in the next town we go to?” Her eyes were wide with excitement at the prospect of a way to make an even more delicious meal. 

“Unlikely. Not unless we go back east.” He noticed her bowl was already empty and reached over to scoop another serving into it, ignoring Yoki’s whines for seconds.

She stared at her bowl, then looked up at him with the kind of fierce determination she typically reserved for combat. “The next chance we get, I want you to teach me how to make this!” she declared. “And I’ll teach you something my mom makes. That way we can make them for each other when we’re missing home.”

His heart ached again, though this time he didn’t feel hatred and grief’s thorns pressing in quite as tightly. He did not smile at her, but he did nod. “Alright,” he said, and her smile was bright enough for both of them. “Eat your meal before Xiao-Mei eats it all.”

Mei squeaked in surprise and began scarfing down her lamb again.

He could not return to the same home he left. It had been destroyed beyond recognition, and he had changed too, not necessarily for the better. For the first time in a long time, though, as he watched Mei eat his mother’s recipe until her stomach hurt and she fell asleep with a full belly against his side, he felt as though his family might be smiling down upon him. He feared sometimes that the only use for his hands was destruction, but when he carefully laid Mei down on her sleeping bag and covered her with his jacket, he wondered if they could be for love as well.

He put out the fire, laid down beside her, and dreamt of home cooked meals.

[heartbeetz]

Thius is so scary. Hi

[meta-sequoia]

Haunting my work’s cafeteria team Slack channel like an unquiet ghost, like, “Please, where are you getting fresh local plums in October? I know the tag said Frog Hallow Farms, but there are several farms by that name in the Pacific Northwest…do you happen to know what variety it is that’s bearing in mid-October? Please, come back! I just want to talk about your plums!”

[trillscienceofficer]

extremely disappointed that no other Trek short story collection will ever compare to “The Lives of Dax” to me

[cuteniarose]

Is this anything

[whiskeyswifty]

.

[mimiatmidnight]

Will you be commenting on the Taylor drama?

I love the way this was worded, like I'm one of the siblings on Succession and the press has cornered me outside my penthouse to ask if I'll be releasing a statement on my family's latest scandal. Hehehe anyways.

Sorry but I just don't understand how anyone is shocked. Truly what has that woman ever done to successfully convince people that this is out of character for her. Like I don't want to diminish anyone's pain or anything but I see all these stans on here and over on Twitter in all this distress, having their very first epiphanies like "Hold on . . . does Taylor . . . suck??" And I kinda just have to chuckle at them cause like bless your hearts babes, but omg catch UP 😭

Lol because 1) she is a severely emotionally stunted person who thinks edgy British "bad boys" are hot like she's 12 years old, 2) she has no true deeply-held moral principles outside of issues that directly affect herself, and 3) truthfully, she seems to be suffering from a serious crisis of identity after the end of the longest and most significant romantic relationship of her life, and in my opinion is pretty clearly desperate to prove something to the world/her ex/herself.

The first reason is cringe but not news to longtime viewers, the second reason is pathetic but also not news (to those who can be honest with themselves), and the third is . . . understandable in some sense, but not pitiable enough to make me willing to humor this insufferable little episode she's having. I wish her luck on this humiliating rebound journey, but she is gonna have to walk that road on her own.

Normally, I always roll my eyes when people make these kinds of jokes, but given the circumstances I feel justified in saying: I can't wait to hear the breakup song about him, sis 🤡