#i am proving the neurodivergence as i keep tagging

[autisticlibrary]

i love your blog sm!!! it makes me happy that theres other neurodivergent people who are passionate about enhypen (and about archiving things hehe).

Thank you so much!!! I'm always glad to hear stuff like this since it provides additional motivation to complete my vast imagination for this archive. Since I am neurodivergent, though, my large scale vision for this blog is to eventually diverge from ENHYPEN after I've added as much as I can, since I don't plan on ever being an active update account. However, I'm planning on also making a banging organization system so people who followed for ENHYPEN can find everything super easily even when that eventual divergence happens. I'll also periodically add more ENHYPEN content just to make sure my page stays relatively up to date and accurate for the ENGENEs who use it!

I hope you have a great day, anon. C:

[shiraishi--kanade]

✦ New pinned post ✦

The old one got quite outdated, so it's about time I made a new one.

♪ I'm Jay! I also go by Ollie and Lu.

♪ any pronouns!

♪ My main is @jeiseny! I follow and like from there, but I prefer to interact on this blog.

♪ My back-up blog is @shiraishi-kanade. It was originally my only side-blog before being accidentally terminated by Tumbrl. Now it's just staying there, mostly inactive; however, I still intend to use it for long-form character analysis.

♪ I'm physically disabled. I'm also open to talk about it and my experience with it, specifically rheumatic heart disease and juvenile arthritis, but I am not obligated to prove my diagnosis to anyone.

♪ I'm dyslexic! If I suddenly don't make sense, that's why.

♪ This is a project sekai fan blog, on which I mostly write character analysis, especially focusing on Vivid Bad Squad in general and An Shiraishi specifically.

♪ I am also an occasional fanfic writer. My AO3 username is also Jeiseny!

♪ I'm currently working on two unit shuffle aus (on an indefinite hiatus, but by no means abandoned) and my mini-series Count To Five that is An Shiraishi-centric and takes place after Light Up the Fire. Feel free to check it out!

♪ I also have a side-blog for my pjsk fan unit Kawaakari Orchestra! They're a long standing passion project of mine. You can find them at @kawaakari-orchestra.

♪ I will sometimes post about other media I'm a fan of.

Additional info:

♪ Any interactions (e.g replies, reblogs, asks, dms) are fine and encouraged regardless of mutual status.

♪ I'm fine with tags and tag games (except picrew chains! I don't do those); however, please refrain from publically asking me to reblog anything pertaining to fan-content and especially character analysis. It makes me really uncomfortable (never thought I'd have to set a boundary like this but here we are).

♪ I visit the tags often and will usually reblog the takes I agree with naturally; being pushy about it because of me being a relatively big character analysis blog will only get you blocked.

♪ I love receiving asks about my opinion on pjsk characters and storylines! By all means, please send them to me. I take a while to answer sometimes because I take my sweet time to think about it.

♪ I am an VBS oshi & main, and I'm caught up with their stories at the moment of writing this. I also follow N25 closely and keep an eye out on WxS. All the favourites & fandom information from the old pinned post is still relevant!

♪ I'm open to discussion and correction on my posts, especially if it's about the characters I don't know well!

♪ On another hand, I'm not open to unsolicited criticism on my fanfiction. I do it for fun only.

♪ I'm touch-averse and neurodivergent. Please keep that in mind.

♪ I complain and vent a lot, especially about my disability and chronic pain. Block #jay rambles about life.txt tag if you're uncomfortable with that.

Tags:

#jay rambles.txt - general tag. Mostly about pjsk though

#jay rambles about life.txt - general tag for everything that is not about my interests. Doubles as a vent tag (because there's nothing to smile about in my life /ref)

#jay rambles about ocs.txt - me rambling about pjsk ocs, both my own and other's

#jay's archive.txt - old-ish character analysis posts or otherwise important things from a previously terminated blog; can also be found by similar tags on @shiraishi-kanade.

#jay gets asks - ask answered tag!

#jay's character analysis - self-explanatory

#jay's memes.png - I like to make funny images sometimes!

#jay's ocs & #jay's headcanons - self-explanatory

#rb - general rb tag.

#self rb - adding onto my own posts, mostly for my own self-organisation.

#other's character analysis - pjsk takes I love and agree with

#orher's art <3 - art rbs!

That is all! Nice to meet you!

[dividers by saradika-graphics]

[your-absent-father]

Hihi get it? Because Eve is my name-

Okay, in all seriousness, hi to old friends. It's been a while. Almost half a year it seems. I took too much pressure on this thing which should have been like a hobby and not... like work. We aren't getting paid to do this so I want my free time to be escapist and fun and not another reason to fall into previous habits.

I am rambling. The tldr is that I am on my rebrand and self care era after a year of disappointment after disappointment so I want to do something fun and have fun.

Who am I?

I am... people on here call me Eve, but I have juggling around new pen names I could start using, mainly because my last one I have used ever since middle school. So, you can call me Eve, but don't wonder if you see other names popping up like Alina Ellis and E.V May that are now the top runners up.

I am queer, probably more neurodivergent than diagnosed but I am too broke to get tested. I live in Finland. I am 22 years old and right now I am trying to get my papers to be a full time teacher's aid, and maybe apply to study to be a elementary school teacher.

I love K-pop, especially stray kids and (g)-idle, classical literature, media about problematic women doing problematic stuff, Taylor Jenkins Reed's historical books, pretending to watch indie movies even tough I would rather just watch musicals on loop.

As a writer, I love to write some good angst. I have recently tried to write some more positive stories and just have fun but I can have fun while writing some pain. I really love complex female lead that has that delicious female rage in her. I also almost always have at least one lesbian couple or/and wholesome guy with a girlboss woman.

my WIPs

Drafting

All the great love stories

Six love stories all different in nature. An evil sorceress waiting for her turn in the steak falling in love with her guard. Cabaret performer seducing the police officer and getting more that she barganded for. Children of rival mob bosses falling in love. Two soulmates trying to find each other. Mad scientist trying to keep their lover alive. Girl with unbeliavable power who can't seem to die. All of the stories are different but they all have one faithful similarity: All of the stories end in a tragedy.

intropost

all writing in one

Tag: WIP: ATGLS

False Gods

the story of Beatrix Jones, the lead singer of the rising indie rock band Aurora Four. With fame and success on the rise, Beatrix and her bandmates navigate the music industry while keeping their identities hidden behind masks, a decision made after a scandal threatened their careers. Is the hid indentity worth the criminal activity they tangled themselves in.

Tag: WIP: FG

intropost

all the writing in one

The vanishing act

a mystery thriller about a mystical carnival whose employees seem all to be identical to missing people trough out the years, and haven't aged a day even if 100 years have gone by. After year of gaslighting, Amanda witnesses her best friend and her mother, looking almost same age, in the circus performing.

Tag: WIP: Circus Moirai

intopost

All the writing in one

Mika Connelly VS the power of love

Mika Connelly never thought something like this cpuld happen to her. After pissing off a fortune teller, who was secretly Cupid in disguise, Mika Connelly is forced to live in a teen romance novel so Cupid can prove that everyone falls in love at least someone. Problem is, Mika is aroace, so romance is final thing she could think about.

To escape her rose colored prison, Mika makes a deal with cupid. Cupid has 20 chances to make Mija fall in love. Mika's mission on the other hand, is to make her new love interest not in love with her anymore. If she fails, she is trapped eternally as a high school senior in a warpped version of her old high school.

Intropost

On the shelve rn:

Children of Jessamine

Fantasy story about a queen who has to make a choice between betraying her country to join her husbands enemy, or protecting her son while the time is ticking. People might soon find out, the crown prince isn't the kings child

intopost

Also I have couple on hiatus that some people might remember. I think I'll come back to them at some point.

What I am doing on tumblr?

I am not probably going to be that active on ask games and all of those but I do want to do stuff and be creative so I have couple of ideas that maybe could be fun.

I want to do trailers for my wips. I want to edit again and I don't vibe with any fandom where I could do the edits I want

fake scenes from the books as edits too

more organized stuff

I just want to be creative without putting pressure on myself.

Other tags:

Eve Rambling: My random ramblings

Eve venting: If I need to vent

Eve being creative: creative stuff other than writing

other people's x: Other people's writeblr

So... Sorry for the essay lmao. But feel free to messenge me. I'll follow back. Let's have some fun!

[imliterallyjustablackgirl]

"About the Blogger" meme

Thank u sm for tag @happylikeasadsong

Star Sign(s): Virgo sun, Cancer rising and Aries Moon - * ratata, in the ghettooo*

Favorite Holidays: Christmas and New Years, I just love little lights and the snow in the trees and to be reminded that makeup is just make up by the Canadian wind, while I get bitch slapped like I owes it money, ahhh, canadian's winter. I loveeee Christmas songs, I get so excited when it'ssss timmmee ( Mariah is it you). I dream for the day were I get to put lil socks like in movies with name and everything. Might even stitch them myself uwu. We don't do it, but maybe one day, family on my own.

Last Meal: As like my last meal if I d i e or - I ate a burned sandwich, I did it to myself. Me and myself are not talking right now, the sandwich was the last straw for today. It had two large meatballs in a subway wanna be bread - could have been great- I'm getting emotional all over again.

Current Favorite Musician: Brown noise 10 hrs- no wait - Rap orchestra - that's like the current thing I'm listening to right now. Mostly Metro's concert rap Orchestra. But Tanarelle, forever my love. Sade, for sure.

Last Music Listened To: * sigh - go look at the last edit I watched** 1975- about you, the snippet of Holt singing. Last Movie Watched: Bottoms - Lmao- THEEE GAYYYZZZ

Last TV Show Watched: Craig of the Creek - Rick and Morty, Bob's burgers, I watch Bob's burgers alot.

Last Book/Fic Finished: Now why did you have to do me like dat.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: W A W Abandoned? I Do Not Abandoned My Kids. They just live inside my head until one day a smell, a sound,or an idea reminds me that they exist, or I write them on a piece of paper and forget about it OR they live inside my notes pads. Let's not speak about myout-of-wedlockk Skyrock- Wattpat and Fanfiction.net, children, they are not mine, you cannot prove it. Where is the paternity test?

Currently Reading: Y'all posts, like it's bedtime stories. Curry's fanfictions - honestly I read most of y'all updated or not fanfiction, I was on A3O Sydcarmy tags when there was barely two pages, so ouf - thank you to y'all my loves :* truly. I would lie if I said now I have too much windows open I'm confusing the timelines and fanfic. - Seasons of Sydney by shewalksoverme I am waiting for them to update. I am not handling it well, sadly *sighs*

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: Canada's woods, slightly make me sounds like a serial killer but HOW would you write a werewolf Carmy,huh!? I lived there most of my life, thought it would help me get a better writing experience, yet I've been too busy to continue and now I'm alarmeling aware that we have coyotes. Great ;-;

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: I have alot but I watched the last episode of Stranger Things with my friends last year. S8 of TVD, feeling like a last survivor of some sort, trauma lol - The Howl House - the finality, it healed my inner child to see a queer neurodivergent kid being understood by her mom, kick ass and be happy lol.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: Amphibia- it's such a cute and layered cartoon. OMG - I ALMOST FORGOT - CENTAURWORLD. It deserves the praise. It deserves to be acknowledged, the bad guy changed my perception of so many things.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: I wish (His Dark Materials: The Golden Compass) when I tell you, that this fantasy world has haunted me, because of how good it was for little girl me, argh! I would watch it all over again, I wish it had a bigger fanbase - if you love Christmas-

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For:

Listen - Projects are not the issue, it's the follow-through, I'm gonna try writing mini-stories to keep my mind engaged. I'll manipulate myself into work - Also I keep losing password to things so, yeah- My fic started: Under the moon- I will this week updated it- I want to write more one-shots, more smut for sure- I am interested in exploring differents fronts of any characters. Shit, I might even a Bob's Burgers fanfic. You can't stop me, you're not my mom- that I know of :O I would like @currymanganese to do it @angelica4equity You don't have to, but like... an ant somewhere might die cauz of it so, idk- do u wanna be an ant murdereww? Yeah, that's what i thought

[4uru]

remembering the one time i had a revelation and made a post about it I think (ages ago, not even going to try find it) about how often I find in my experience the people who are most invalidating and refuse to see the most your suffering (esp mental illness/neurodivergence) are often going through similar themselves and refusing to acknowledge it due to internalised ableism or stigma or the belief they can just 'push through'. like obv ofc that doesn't excuse their behaviour. especially when you're a child. and even with the few years between us the way i'm able to conceptualise this and use it as a path to understanding and reframing my expectations is gonna be different as an adult. but man asian parents can be so invalidating (as can stiff upper lip brits and she'll be right aussies definitely). but also that asian need to constantly prove ourselves just being there so much of the time, like we (probably more our parents' generation than us) can gaslight ourselves into feeling alright just to keep damning ourselves along the same path. of course that doesn't work and of course we can't just pretend our lack of privilege doesn't exist racially or that we can simply get ourselves out of it using hard work. of course that means people get uncomfortable when someone is no longer able or willing to keep putting themselves through that!! anyway, i'm philosophising. none of this is either of our problem to fix, we call for better, but we can't make our elders accept actual help rather than trying to live vicariously through us. we have to instead use boundaries. i think. at least.

anyway, i thought of this while writing this ask do you want to play a game?? remember that post i made like yesterday where i assigned songs from a luke hemmings (imagine if luke castellan was a musician, anyway) album to the stages of burnout? where we tag ourselves on it and listen to the song?? for a bit of fun but i feel like it's a more fun way of monitoring capacity and urgency of burnout symptoms (and a good way of describing what you're going through and what it's gonna lead to without intervention, as a biological phenomenon and not just a choice). definitely not because of how proud i am of making that graphic and want everyone to tag themselves on it. anyway, i hope you're doing okay!

Explain the game to me more Like I'm 5. Sorry brain is not braining rn.

[your-turn-to-role]

Hello there! i saw someone else doing this and i thought it was a fun and cool idea so: Headcanon Saturday (or sunday if its sunday for you): share a favorite headcanon (or lots of headcanons), big or small, if you feel like it! Your blog is very cool and I love seeing your thoughts whenever they pop up on my dash! keep doing what you do :D

it is in fact sunday for me! (or, it was when you sent this, it's wednesday now bc i had an assignment i had to do and uh, nz just went back into major lockdown so that’s fun)

but thank you so much!

and honestly this question had me stumped for a bit, because, in theory i have some, right? but, one, i'm less of a theory fan and more of a collector fan, i can put together minuscule details from all over the show to get a big picture of a character, but i rarely have headcanons that aren't based in some show evidence or other

and when i do have some, they either end up in a meta post im writing, or in a specific tag (like my cr nd headcanons i'll link a bit further down), or in a fic that i will write half of and never post bc i am chronically terrible at finishing things 😂

that said! i have scoured through fic ideas and discord server messages, so here have a few

fave headcanon that's not mine

disabled essek. like, thank you fandom for this one, it's incredibly dear to my heart, i consider it canon, nothing can convince me otherwise, it is going in all my fics, just.... comfort character

sometimes a character can be a neutral evil criminal and a disability icon okay

fave identity headcanon

see this tag for my various "why cr characters are neurodivergent" essays, also, fjord and jester are arospec thank you good day

a couple ones just based on dnd mechanics that i enjoy

- gilmore is a couple levels self taught in wizard

(he at the very least would have magic initiate if you were to build him like a pc bc he has identify, which is not a sorcerer spell, but... something about how he loves magic and was very determined to stand out but also something happened to him with the whole runechild thing that makes him scared to admit he is one so obviously he wouldn't flaunt that power, also the way he's kinda self deprecating whenever he has to admit he doesn't know wizard stuff, yeah, he definitely tried to teach himself magic the non sorcerer way)

- percy has a pristine organisation system for every room he owns and if you mess it up he can no longer find anything

this one is based off of two things. 1) percy is canonically a very neat and tidy person. after the feast with the briarwoods he goes home, wrecks his room trying to vent his feelings, and then barricades himself in his workshop. when vox machina find his room the next morning matt notes that percy's room is never messy like this. also, just in how he talks to grog when grog's snooping in his workshop, percy definitely knows the precise location of every tool in there. also he's just a precise person in general.

2) taliesin's weakness in rolling good for percy is investigation checks. he fails them almost every time. he has a decent int mod, but the dice just decided no investigation checks for you! (also, i haven't gone back to confirm this, so i may be wrong, but i'm pretty sure one of the few good investigation checks he makes is in whitestone castle). strict organisation system. he is absolutely useless without it 😂

aaaand, fave angsty headcanon (bc it's me, there was gonna be one)

the blumendrei didn't leave their hometown for days after they killed their parents. like. okay i've had a fic i've been lowkey writing for ages about these guys (yes i have like 40 cr fics in some form of wip status, no none are finished, this is how i exist), in the aftermath of that, bc i love them and i have a lot of thoughts about it

(also, not that i can prove it bc the fic was never posted but i kinda predicted the, cold stone tower overnight thing, which had me feeling A Way when that became canon!)

but anyway what this is based on is like... there's an idea in the fandom that trent directly ordered them to kill their parents but he really didn't. like obviously he put every step in place, but when caleb's telling that story, trent barely even comes up. he talks about how he found out his parents were traitors and how he "knew what he had to do"

so honestly, given everything we know about how trent engineers situations, it makes the most sense to me that the blumendrei, didn't want trent to know about this at all

like they believed the lie that their parents genuinely were traitors, so if you find out that horrifying secret, in the environment they'd been in for the past two years? that's shameful, horrifically so. why would they tell trent about that if they could avoid it? why risk getting branded the same, you've been told up to this point you're special, and you'd kill to keep that title. why on earth would you admit that your bloodline is tainted like that?

no, they would have tried to cover it up, as long as they could. which, is exactly what trent would want bc that again puts them on the back foot, but like... yeah, i fully believe they waited it out for a couple of days before going to trent until they were sure they couldn't wait any longer for bren to get better without drawing even more suspicion. and, since their cover story is they were supposed to be visiting their parents anyway, maybe they didn't go all that far

[samhaininthemembrane]

🎃Welcome!🖤

This is my side blog where I can talk and vent about my disability and neurodivergence, as well as reblog things related to those topics. I will state that I am not an authority on anything discussed here beyond my own lived experience. Please take anything I say with a reasonable grain of salt and remember that I am not a professional.

About Me

My name is Madi/Mati (pronounced Mad-ie/Matt-ie,which in my version of english sounds roughly the same), but you can call me Samhain (pronounced Sau-ihn) or other derivatives of my username if you prefer.

I am 28 years old. If you dont want to interact based on age, keep that in mind!

My pronouns are She/They/He. Feel free to mix them up from time to time!

I am nonbinary with femme leanings because gender is complicated and that's what I've decided is the most accurate description of my lived experience. I mention this specifically because it affects how I live with my disability. I will accept good natured questions about it.

I am queer, and I will say the word queer in reference to myself or the community. I have several different orientations and sometimes it's just too complicated to get into all of them.

I am inclusive and intersectional, as I understand that everything affects everything else in different ways and that a persons life experience can't be compartmentalized like that.

I am a vocal proponent of science based medicine, therapy, and medication as well as a proponent of informal or self diagnosis. I understand that care isnt accessible to everyone and that it's more nuanced than that. Everyone deserves respect and dignity regardless of whether or not they can or want to seek treatment for themselves.

I struggle a lot with memory problems, so it is not uncommon for me to reblog things I've reblogged before, repeat points I've already made, forget to include important tags or image descriptions, and forget to respond to messages for long stretches of time. I appreciate your patience in this regard and do not mind gentle and well intentioned reminders!

My ask box is generally open, and anons are fine! It might take me a bit to answer, but I will do my best to do so! I promise I'm not ignoring you!

What I Have?

First off, I will say that no one is entitled to this information, and I am choosing to make it known because I want to. No one is ever entitled to info you deem private and the idea that you have to prove you're "___ enough" to strangers is, frankly, fucked up. I'm okay with being open about it because I'm an adult and incredibly open about it in my daily life, but you dont have to be.

I'll put this below a read more as to not conjest things too much. 🖤

Known disabilities/neurodivergences:

ADHD (Inattentive Type) - Got diagnosed as a kid but I didnt know it. Didn't get treatment until I was an adult. I have been getting treatment for this, and my mental health toolkit is pretty established. It is still definitely something I struggle with that hinders a lot of aspects of my life, but therapy and meds changed my life.

Spinal Injury - Happened when I was 20 for no reason. Have had surgery that helped with most of it, but still experience effects of it. (Herniation between L4-L5 if you're curious)

Chronic Vestibular Migraines - Started in July of last year, very frequent. Currently seeking treatment for it, but since it's not a super well understood type of migraine, it's hard to treat.

Generalized Anxiety, Depression, and S.A.D. - I lump these all together because they kind of go together. Also I've never known another disabled person who didnt have some variety of this (although most disabled people I know became disabled later in their lives.)

Geographic Tongue and Various Allergies - I have to careful to not make my tongue flare up beyond what is tolerable when I eat, and there is not a time of year when I don't have to take allergy meds. My allergies have never put me in the hospital, but I do get hives, restricted breathing, etc. (Yes, I am aware that Geographic Tongue is an outdated diagnosis, but its easier than explaining the nuance of it).

Dental Issues - I don't know about a specific diagnosis but my teeth are for sure bad.

Mild Scoliosis - Enough that it affects me, not enough to get treatment about it.

General chronic pain and fatigue

Suspected disabilties/neurodivergences (i.e. not formally diagnosed):

Autism - My therapist and I have been talking about it and I'm currently deciding if I want to seek out a formal diagnosis or not, seeing as it's known to be a difficult process. This would be in addition to the ADHD.

Auditory Processing Disorder - it's a pretty common comorbidity with ADHD and I'm pretty sure I have it.

Dyscalcula - never formally diagnosed, but suspicion is there.

Something more than just a migraine disorder, since I have a lot of various issues and the meds I get prescribed for migranes dont work well and have horrible side effects.

Some sort of autoimmune disorder, since I get sick incredibly easily (about one big sickness a season) and it wipes me out every time. I also get skin infections incredibly easily and that's gotta be a thing, right?

[cure-icy-writes]

for the fanfic ask game: F, G, K, and R maybe?

ooooooo, all right!~

F: well it said a snippet of one of my favorite dialogue scenes but. i'm just going to use this as an excuse to share a deleted scene that didn't make it into the final fic, but i'm reaalllllly proud of.

“Don’t. Fucking. Touch me,” Elle growled, stance shifting defensively. “My apologies. I won’t.” Elle watched her then a little longer, like a cornered pokemon. Cyllene stepped back, folding her arms behind her back and staring impassively. “I get to choose whether I forgive you. Not you,” the girl snarled, voice shaking. “You don’t get to force me to hug it out and make it all better. You don’t get to touch me without my consent. You don’t get to control me. This is your first, and only warning.” “I understand,” Cyllene said. Then, quieter, “I truly am sorry, but words are cheap from the mouth of one you do not trust. So I will prove myself by action.” “Okay. Thank you.” Just a flicker of an expression crossed her face, then the sky-faller was gone.

This scene is like. GAH. So much righteous anger, and it hammers home one of the major points of Elle's character-- that all her life, touch has been used as a tool to manipulate her, and even if the touch isn't sexual in nature, her consent still matters and she's not going to take shit from anyone anymore.

G: Ah, yeah... Well! I write very much out of order. Skipping around and moving with the motivation, then filling in later, works best for me. I also have an odd little habit where I'll churn out dialogue, then go back and add tags for it. I guess dialogue is easiest for me? I imagine the back and forth, and then I turn it into prose later.

K: Ohhhhh boy..... the angstiest idea I've ever had. Listen I was an edgy child when I started out. I was going through it and consider it kind of an edgelord thing, because yeah while I wrote some deathfics they were more shocking than interesting. In more recent times....hm. Unsure what you would consider angst? I have a Fucked Up AU with some friends where a character gets uh. well they get cursed, then arrested, then restrained and gaslit a whole bunch while their blood is being stolen, then kidnapped and used as a blood bank while their medication is being witheld to keep them compliant, then their parents show up and they might get concussed and then they're almost buried alive. By said parents.

R: Any writers I consider an influence.... hm. Well, say what you will about jk rowling's abyssmal worldbuilding, use of sketchy tropes, and transphobic rhetoric, and you'd be absolutely right, but I do like her flow and pacing. There's also @highabovethecloudssomewhere, who hasn't been active in a while as far as I know, but her works hold very fond memories for me, as does the community formed around them. And then, of course, Leslie Feinberg and Stone Butch Blues. I aspire to that level of poetry, because dear fucking god that shit was raw and Jess was a very heavy inspiration for Hilda from Reshiram's Perdition. Kafka Asagiri's Bungou Stray Dogs, for the literary references and deeply fascinating takes on the cycle of abuse, as well as. Well. Atsushi my beloved catboy, may he please get some fucking therapy he literally has C-PTSD. Oh! And @collabwithmyself has influenced my writing and worldviews lately-- namely, i've picked up a few tropes from him. Weight gain as a form of healing and catboys/catgirls as a metaphor for neurodivergency my beloved! Oh, and I absolutely picked up my enjoyment of horror from the magnus archives, so i suppose jonny sims? seems like he grew disaffected with the work near the end, but i really hope he's doing okay and grows to love it again, flaws and all.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Chris basically blacking out when the medicine wears out and Jake bundling him up in a blanket and carrying him to bed or the couch, holding Chris tightly as he lets him sleep soundly

CW: Sick/feverish whumpee, neurodivergent whumpee having a reaction to medicine, referenced past child abuse and domestic abuse, referenced dubcon attempt. Thoughts of an abuse survivor on his fear of recreating the cycle of abuse.

Tagging: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @stxckfxck, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions

This is what having a newborn feels like, isn’t it? The thought filters blearily into Jake’s mind as he slowly registers the numbers staring back at him from his cell phone’s lock screen. 4:10 AM. 

There’s already a bird stubbornly singing just outside the window in the white birch tree. It’s got to be that red cardinal Chris is obsessed with - or his mate - they’ve set themselves up a nice little domestic scene out there with a nest. Chris swore after Jake caught him hanging halfway out the window and nearly had a heart attack that they have eggs now. 

Jake normally likes just about anything that makes Chris happy, but right now he hates that fucking bird. He’s been fighting a wild urge to stomp outside and wring its stupid feathered neck.

The bundle of sweat and red hair beside him shifts, and Jake takes a deep breath, settling back against the couch and letting his eyes slowly drift closed, tightening his arm over the blanket-draped lump that would normally be an energetic, cheerful teenage boy.

Chris, at least, had finally stopped bouncing off the fucking walls a half-hour ago or so. Jake had thought Nyquil was a great plan for the nasty flu bug that took Chris out for the count... until it turned out something in Chris didn’t read Nyquil the way everyone else’s body did, and instead of peacefully sleeping off his symptoms, Chris... lost it.

He’s spent the whole night alternating between a constant chattering narration of every single breath he takes to rocking, tapping, shaking, spinning, working out energy that wouldn’t end. Nat told Jake early on it’s called stimming, and Jake definitely can’t think of any other word for what it is - not when he can see what it’s doing to Chris, soothing jangled nerves, keeping his brain more on track, helping him find words when they would otherwise spark like embers and float away.

Chris talked all night.

He’d told Jake all about every detail of the hallway he’d lived in, drawn him a diagram of the fucking bedroom the Mystery Asshole had kept him locked up in, talked about silk sheets and grosser things until Jake asked him to stop. Chris had explained white rooms and white walls and fog and pain. He had talked and talked and talked and talked.

He’d been jittery, snapping irritation when he didn’t mean to but then turning those big puppy eyes on Jake with a mouthful of apologies as soon as he did. He’d gone from cheerful to terrified and back again, unable to stop his mind from whatever wild rabbit trail it ran down. He’d even tested Jake again and he hadn’t done that in months, climbed on top of him and started trying to kiss him before Jake pushed him back and said no for the third time, as firmly as he could without sounding cold or cruel.

Chris had collapsed in relief at the rejection and then bounced back up again, throwing arms around Jake’s neck and thanking him and then tearing off to the kitchen for a snack only to realize he was still so sick he wasn’t hungry and drinking too much Gatorade instead. Jake had half-expected him to climb the damn walls like Spiderman.

The little rescue narrated every move he made until Jake would have given just about anything to shut him up and had to keep reminding himself of how eerie it had been back when Chris did nothing but hide silently in perfect stillness under or behind the bed. 

Now - finally - it’s wearing off, making its way out of his system, and the constant barrage of motion has ceased. Chris is settled against him breathing slowly, evenly. 

Thank God it’s a Friday and Jake doesn’t have classes. Otherwise he’d have been up all night and still have to get ready to catch the bus by 7:30, be on campus ‘til nearly 10, and then come back again.

There’s a girl he has a ton of classes with who has an almost-two-year-old and he wonders, now, if all the times he’s thought she looked kind of tired... if she had just been up like this, all night, and still had to make it work the next day because life doesn’t stop just because someone needs you.

Instead, he shifts himself and Chris very slowly. Chris’s fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt and hold tightly, even in his sleep he won’t let Jake go. It takes some doing, but Jake eventually gets himself laid out on his back on the couch, head against one arm and his feet hanging in thin air off the either, with Chris laid out on top of him. He’s a fucking furnace giving off body heat and Jake is sweaty already, but fuck it - he’s so exhausted he doubts being a little hot is going to keep him from blacking out soon, too.

Is this what having kids is like? A weight on your chest, the sound of snuffling breaths, sweaty forehead a sign that the fever is broken, hands smaller than yours holding onto you for dear life and with perfect trust that you don’t deserve, can’t ever do enough to earn?

Trust you could shatter, a person you could destroy, just by fucking up?

Jake lays there with his heart pounding in fear at the thought. Chris’s dependency is only something he can handle because it’s spread around - he depends on Nat and on Antoni, too, Leila when she’ll let the little Romantic get close to her. Kauri whenever he drops by.

Jake would do anything for Chris - and there’s enough in Chris, like his straightened teeth and obvious gymnastics training and the things he mumbles to himself sometimes when sparks of something that used to be his life come back, to suggest that he had had parents once who loved him, too - but the idea of someone needing him so badly, and for forever or close to it, is the scariest thing he can imagine.

One day Chris will do something that makes him angry - and it doesn’t matter how Jake acts, Chris will forgive him for it immediately. Jake knows because he used to be the kid who forgave the anger, too.

He swallows against the terror that comes with the memory, that someone could be your worst fear and still hold you when you were sick, could leave bruises where your t-shirts would hide them and still lay a gentle hand to your forehead to feel for a fever. Could throw a plate to smash against the wall next to a small boy’s head while screaming spit into his little round face and then take him to fly kites at a park the next day.

He knows how easy it is to step over that line, he watched his father do it every night. Watched his mother argue and cajole and plead and try to step between them and take it, and then - in the end, when nothing else worked - turn away. Go to a different room. Leave Jake with the monster that turned into a man and back again with a suddenness that no child could ever have been expected to predict.

But she’d left, too, and he never thought of what hadn’t been done without thinking of what had. That she had packed her bags and his, set aside a few dollars here and there with a friend she trusted, and in the end... she hadn’t left Jake with the monster at all, but had taken her preteen son’s hand and walked out the door.

He doesn’t want to be his mother - who could make herself turn away from the injured boy who needed her help. He doesn’t want to be his mother and father’s families, who hid behind the Bible and the church to avoid taking responsibility, who said ‘it takes two’, who sent Jake’s mother to counselors who quoted verses instead of telling her to leave.

He would rather die than be his father - the monster with two faces. 

But the idea that Chris needs him this much, in ways that the other rescues don’t, makes him terrified he could end up just like them, anyway, whether he wants to be or not. 

These are late-night thoughts and Jake knows it. They’re foggy, slip-slide thoughts. The ideas and fears that come to you when your mind is a physical heaviness inside you, when exhaustion is all your body knows and still sleep can’t find you. 

He doesn’t think about it during the day. Only at night, and it’s morning but the world is still dark outside, and so is Jake, inside.

Outside the window, the cardinal has stopped singing. Jake slides his arms up over Chris’s back, lays them across his shoulder blades, and holds him so tightly the sleeping boy shifts around a little.

“Love, love, love-love you, Jake,” Chris mumbles against his collarbone.

“Love you too, kid,” Jake whispers back.

It should feel great, to hear it. It should feel amazing.

Instead, Jake’s veins flood with adrenaline in a new burst of fear. He can’t possibly live up to the trust Chris has in him, but he’s going to have to try... and pray that when he fails, he doesn’t fail in ways he can’t come back from. 

I promise I won’t hurt you, Jake thinks, mouths the words but doesn’t say them. If he speaks the promise, he’s just like his father, who swore up and down again and again that this would be the last time, then this, then this time and this time.

Jake has had so many this is the last time I’ll hurt you, it won’t happen again, I promise I would never hurt yous happen to him that he knows words don’t mean shit. What matters isn’t asking someone to trust you - but proving they can.

He has to hope he can be worth even half of the instant, immediate, total trust Chris has put in his hands.

Someone else once tried, with Chris. He clearly had parents who cared for him, once upon a time. Are they still out there? Did something change, and they sold their own kid? Was Chris abducted, hauled off in a white van like the rumors say? 

Are there good parents still out there searching for him, while Jake is the best Chris can do now?

Is he playing at being a big brother when Chris might have a real one out there who misses him? They can’t find him, or anyone who even looks like him, on any missing persons reports.

What if he doesn’t have anyone?

What if Jake - with his fears and his anger - is really all Chris has?

He’s still holding Chris, staring up at the ceiling, thoughts spinning and circling like Chris in the depths of the Nyquil-high, when Natalie comes downstairs at 6:30 to start coffee.

That fucking cardinal has started singing again.

[swampgallows]

‘protect (x) at all costs’ doesnt seem to be the tumblr lingo anymore but if you wanna be Woque about mental illness/invisible illness/neurodiversity/neurodivergence/disability/ableism or whatever then understand and respect that people deserve a place to talk about their unsavory feelings without a threat of being pink slip’d or 5-0′d or publicly humiliated by having their trauma and suffering appropriated by others for aesthetics

yes i talk about orcs and whatever a lot but this is my personal blog where i also reach out to others about other facets of my life like asexuality and raving and, not surprisingly, mental illness, and have been doing so for almost 10 years now. a lot of my wowposting is also intrinsically linked to my mental illness posting which is another fact i have definitely made abundantly clear in great fucking detail. so yeah while i could just reserve any ‘heavy’ talk to strictly my therapist and nobody else that has definitely not been my modus operandi for the last decade and i have been saved many times by the community on here by being frank about my experiences and connecting with others for methods to cope or, at the very least, a sympathetic and understanding ear. 

part of the etiquette on tumblr is that if you put shit under a read more in a blank post it means that 1. you are asking others not to reblog it and 2. that whatever is underneath is kind of at your own risk (though tagging varies). sometimes tags are added afterward to prevent them from going in the tagging system and being searchable while still getting flagged by filters (for those who have certain tags blacklisted) but for me personally i generally keep it under a cut with an ‘enter at your own risk’ kinda attitude, slapped with my ‘blathering’ tag (for personal posts) and that’s all. more often than not if ive cut something it’s because there’s some brooding shit in there; people here for fandom garbage and stupid shit can scroll by but people who want to know can see for themselves. either way, for the most part the people who need to see it do, and it’s worked well for me in the past.

very rarely does someone reblog that shit, and it’s usually the result of 1. a genuine accident or 2. absolute selfishness and zero tact. there was a series of posts i wrote where i was literally talking about how people appropriate the suffering of mentally ill people as aesthetic, completely disregarding and ignoring the actual real life person and their suffering in favor of some kind of shit perception of ‘beauty’, and some person reblogged one of them and then got offended that i was upset because they thought i wrote it pretty and so they wanted it on their blog, LITERALLY proving my fucking point. i dont care if you think my suffering is pretty. i am suffering. if you respected me as a human being you would have the decency to understand that my cry for help is not intended to be a spectacle. it’s not fucking for you. and how fucking dare you pry the calcified tears from my dusty gasping face and then wear them as a brooch? fuck you, idiot. 

“ohh but youre so poetic you wrote it so pretty” yeah well go scoop up some trauma of your own and maybe it’ll harden your shit into diamonds, stendhal. jesus fucking christ.

if it’s not clear, dont fucking reblog this post.

[vincent-frankenstein]

different anon, but heck yeah u should definitely infodump about lucid dreaming!! im really interested in it

aaaaa okay !!! uh hold onto ur ears yall im abt to talk em off lmao

so !! if u didnt know, lucid dreaming is basically when you become aware that you’re dreaming while youre in a dream. once you’re aware, you can take control of the dream in literally any way u want — u can do anything, go anywhere, meet anyone, all with the knowledge that nothing can hurt u and nothing can stop u

its a fascinating concept and, the feeling when u actually become lucid for the first time? its better than anything else in the world. its the most invigorating thing u can ever feel, i think. but actually becoming lucid is, ,, , , hm. a time and a half. 

putting the rest under a cut bc, hooooo boy this is gonna get long

first things first! you absolutely have to keep a dream journal. forgetting ur dreams is all well and good when ur not trying to accomplish anything in them, but if you become lucid and then wake up with only the vaguest memory of what you actually did? thats painful.

u can either go all out and get a fancy journal and write them down physically each morning, or u can do what i do and just download an app. i personally use the app Dream Catcher, which lets u tag ur dreams for easy organization. just get in the habit of writing down your dreams every morning, and if you really, really cant remember anything, just write down that you didnt dream anything that day. you’ll train your brain to remember your dreams better

secondly! reality checks! are absolutely imperative! the idea behind them is that, if you do something throughout the day that “proves” your reality, eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams as well. for example, a common thing in my dreams is that i’ll have extra fingers, so i check my hands a lot throughout the day. 

it can’t just be a casual thing, too. if all you do is glance at your hands and b like “yo looks normal, we gucci”, then you’ll do the same in your dreams even if you have Weird hands. trust me, Dream-You is an idiot, you gotta be obvious with this stuff. take a few moments, look at your hands, count out your fingers, and really think to yourself “am i dreaming?”

try to get in the habit of doing that at least 15 times a day, and eventually you’ll start doing it in your dreams too. 

now, if you just stick with doing those two things — which is what i’m doing right now — your chances of becoming lucid will raise astronomically. even just those two tiny things can train your brain into realizing when the world around you is real and when it isnt. you can also attempt something really easy called a MILD — a mnemonic-induced-lucid-dream — which can help your chances even more without upping the effort 

whenever you go to bed, just take a few moments — even just five minutes can help — and just. lay there. and think to urself, again and again “the next scene will be a dream” or “i will become lucid in my dreams tonight” or something similar. get ur brain really focused on lucid dreaming right before you fall asleep and chances are, those Vibes will bleed over into ur dreams and you’ll become lucid

practice those three things consistently, every day, and pretty soon you’ll start becoming lucid. it takes time, though! dont be discouraged if you end up not becoming lucid for the first few weeks, or even months. sometimes your brain just needs a bit of extra training

that’s what ive been doing for the past year or so — bc damn do i Not have the energy to actually put in too much effort — but!!! there are other techniques!!

my personal favorite is the WBTB, or wake-back-to-bed method. with this technique, you set your alarm for roughly 5-6 hours after you go to sleep so you’ll wake up inside of one of your REM cycles, specifically one where your dreams will be the most vivid. dont do anything, just roll over and go right back to sleep. 

you can even use a MILD along with this, repeat whatever mantra u usually use as you fall back asleep. you should start to see hypnagogic imagery — blobs of color and vague shapes floating before your eyes. just observe them. at one point, they’ll start forming more familiar shapes, and places, and maybe even people — and there should be a moment, a snap, where you go from observing these images to actually being in the scene. you literally build the dream around yourself, its magical

i have read that WBTB can cause sleep paralysis, but i’ve never personally experienced any problems with it, aside from the fact that im always tired the next day.

another thing that could severely increase your chances of being lucid but also involves Effort — meditation. specifically mindfulness meditation. the act of bringing full awareness to your Existence, honing in on just Your body, Your mind, Your breath, will make you a more aware, mindful person, which in turn makes you more perceptive of dream signs. also, the ability to clear your mind and center yourself with a moment’s notice really comes in handy when the dream becomes destabilized and you have to take control

if ur an adhd lad like me — or neurodivergent in any way, really — the idea of meditation can be,,,, terrifying. honestly, i havent meditated in like six months now, because it really wasnt?? doing anything for me?? mostly because im absolutely incapable of sitting still for that long without Something to stimulate me

so! loophole! guided meditations. having someone else guide you through the process can make it a bit easier to focus. just find one that works for u on youtube. there are even guided meditations made specifically to prime ur brain for lucid dreaming!

so thats how you get lucid. now for when youre lucid

at first, lucid dreaming is going to be extremely hard. dreams fall apart very easily — if you get too overexcited or if a dream-character looks at you the wrong way or if you cant seem to do what you want to do, your lucidity can fade and you’ll either go back to being your normal dream self or you’ll wake up. dreams are volatile and hard to control, and even harder to master

thats where meditation comes in handy. youll have a much easier time controlling your dreams if you can look at the world around you, take a breath, center yourself, and know that you can control it. that being said, you can absolutely learn to take control without ever having meditated a day in your life. its all about your mindset!

you have to go into it with confidence. the key to controlling your dreams is knowing that they’re your dreams. you cant forget that you’re in control. thats why i feel like learning to lucid dream doubles as a lesson in self-confidence — you have to learn to trust yourself, trust that you can handle any scenario thrown at you and come out on top.

if you can achieve this mindset, you can literally do anything. ive had maybe 50 lucid dreams since i started learning about them — which… is honestly a really low amount, but. i havent really had the time/energy to really throw myself into it  as much as i want to. but just in those dreams, ive flown, ive shapeshifted, ive met my sides, ive teleported to vast, gorgeous lands and seen some of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. anything is possible in a lucid dream; thats why its so worth it to put in the effort

but when youre first starting out, itll be extremely hard to maintain that mindset. like i said, Dream-you is dumb as shit — you’ll forget youre dreaming, you’ll be unable to control anything, you’ll wake up before you manage to accomplish anything. more often than not, the dream will destabilize, which is Not Fun

if the dream starts to destabilize — basically, if things start going fuzzy or vague, if you suddenly cant see, if you can feel ur body in bed, basically anything that points towards you waking up — there are ways to fix it. literally just spinning around helps for some reason? spin around, fall down, run ur hands along anything u can find and feel the texture, or just demand that the dream stabilize itself. most of the time, thatll work

and if it doesnt, dont be discouraged. theres always another night to dream

so basically: start a dream journal, do reality checks, mmmmaybe meditate if youre up for it, and your dreams will become like. at least 10x more interesting. trust me, try flying: its literally the best feeling in the entire world

its just !!! such a huge, incredible thing, and its so fascinating to learn about too. all the different ways you can train your brain, all the different things you can do, all the studies done on the subject. i suggest reading about Steven LaBerge or keith hearne. hearne led the study that proved lucid dreaming existed in the first place! he got a lucid dreamer to signal to him that he was conscious while asleep using REM (rapid-eye movement), because lucid dreaming happens during the REM state. also, robert waggoner’s book Gateway to the Inner Self is really fascinating too!

hm wow i really went ham here lmao

thanku for giving me a chance to infodump im very happy rn

[the-heroic-changeling]

I have put in a lot of effort in designing this OC , at least in terms of the amount of detail I usually put in designing OCs before writing their stories. Usually I only have a vague concept and figure out as I go, this time around I have fleshed out Thorn-Runner a lot for a character with no story yet written, and who would only be the deuteragonist of the story I plan to write. More below the cut, tagging @majingojira @muceybbds @akirakan @jogress @ayellowbirds @neshtasplace in case you want to her more details I am bouncing around for her and her story.

In short the story featuring her will star two autistics and a third will be in the supporting cast. Part of her arc involves learning to take pride in her autism, hence why she decorates her costume with a modified version of the neurodiversity symbol. The other lead is going to go in a much darker place, to summarize the gist of it he has a lot more to lose and he becomes desperate to fix things, while Thorn-Runner at the start has already basically hit “rock bottom” and can only grow from there.

I’m debating changing some aspects of her, either her or another one of the other two autistics. In short two of them are asexual in this draft, and that can be a bit too close to certain stereotypes for autistics. (I know, I was horribly insecure about being a stereotype when I was younger) But as I prove, we do exist. Still I am debating if adjustments need to be made, to include another kid of queer sexuality, where its just a different kind of asexuality or not. My gut says to keep Thorn-Runner aro ace, for a number of plot and background reasons. And the background autistic I’ve written about in another story, and I am not eager to shove a sexual life for him in the story. Seems off topic and out of character, and he helps Thorn-Runner see she has worth, so him being some type of asexual makes sense. 

The main lead in my notes is a father with a young son (also neurodivergent, though his disorder is not currently known) but his son’s birth mother is not a part of the story, so he could be gay, bi, or pan. Still I have notes that he has to be kind of “the perfect immigrant” (third generation)  in an effort to show no matter how much a minority fits in with American society you can’t escape bigotry. But he already is an autistic Latino and he could be closeted in order to not “ruffle any feathers” That’s what I probably will go with honestly. Not sure though, could be talked out of it.

[pinayelf]

“The things I love most about my OTPs” Tag

I was tagged by @dirthara-mama! Thank you <3

God, I have A LOT. But let me actually do three that I’ve developed with the utmost care.

Amihan/Leliana

Amihan was my VERY FIRST DA OC, and my canon Warden and the OC I’ve poured a lot of my heart and soul into. 

Amihan for most of her early life felt like a throw-away. Her mother called the Templars on her and her father promised to write but never did (there’s more to this though that’s a whole other thing). She saw how vulnerability was used against you in the Circle so in order for no one to have nothing against her, she wasn’t going to be vulnerable. She saw her worth solely on her magical talent and she had a complex of believing she was better than the other apprentices but also thinking she’s been cursed by the Maker and is the worst thing in the world. She was rude and cold, her only friend was Finn.

Leliana was the first person Amihan felt safe being vulnerable too. Amihan is not religious but hearing an Andrastian say that the Maker doesn’t hate her because she’s a mage was weirdly comforting. Leliana was patient and she made it so easy for Amihan to let her guard down. She was the first person to ever show Amihan affection and to someone who grew up the way Amihan did, it was kind of earth-shattering. 

I oftentimes hesitate in writing that it was ~love that got Amihan to step being so self-absorbed, but in a way, it was Leliana. Amihan had nothing to care for and nothing to lose (she and Finn accepted that they may at any time get separated and never see each other again) until Leliana came into the picture. She re-examined her actions and thought twice about how she spoke to people. She learned how to give back.

Amihan also had nobody that fought for her, and when she realized that Leliana will, no question she realized her worth. And when Amihan was willing to kill Marjolaine for Leliana with nothing in return, Leliana also realized her worth. 

I love that despite being away from each other for YEARS they still go on strong. They’re both independent people but they’re each other’s rocks. Their ability to have their relationship adapt with changes that come just proves how strong their bond is and I just love their everlasting love because I think they both deserve it so much.

Jesus this got long hfusdhu

Cullen/Imryll

I’ve talked A LOT about these two so I’ll try to keep it short lol. But what I love the most is that they heal together. It’s not “The other person fixes the other”, but it’s the fact that they’re both in it together while they get better. They’re both a source of comfort and support for each other. After their bad first impression, there’s just something about the other that makes them feel safe. Safe enough to be vulnerable and open. I think it’s because they’re so much alike in certain ways where they’re both drawn to each other’s quiet energies.

They’re drift compatible okay.

I also love how they help the other become better. Cullen wants to protect Imryll but he knows he can’t always be there to help her fight her battles - so he helps her train so she can protect herself. Imryll helps Cullen see things in a new light, and he appreciates that she doesn’t coddle him when he slips. 

And the last thing is that yes, while I am aware it’s much more than that, the two of them give so much fairytale vibes. It’s that cute, sugary kind of feel-good romance and it makes me really happy. They’re both ridiculously soft and gross with each other and sometimes you need that. 

Sera/Isadore

I’m a bit embarrassed because Isadore is a self-insert but whatever #yolo lmao.

The word I think of when I think of these two is “acceptance”. And for me especially there’s A LOT of comfort in that. I have a lot of fave romances but this one feels really weirdly personal (mayhaps because Isadore is a self-insert) and it makes me giddy in a different way. I can’t explain it, but it’s such a good kind of giddy.

It makes me emotional that these two women, both in a way, pariahs to society, found each other and found love there. A Darktown apostate and a rogue elf. Who would’ve thought. And you know what? They don’t care about what anyone else is saying. They don’t care if people stare or think they’re ridiculous and trashy. Because they know that all those people whispering about the dirty peasant girl and the city elf don’t know how much they love and care about each other.

People have a hard time understanding Sera and I pretty much am on board with her being neurodivergent. Isadore wants to understand and she learns and listens to Sera (which is something people don’t do, because they brush her off). She learns her triggers and ways to calm her down. Sera is afraid of magic, but for Isadore she wants to not be. So she opens herself up a bit and lets herself see good things magic can do - heal, make warmth, help people, and make snow cones. Like Cullen and Imryll, the two of them are pretty drift compatible. By the end they can pretty much know how the other is doing just by giving them looks. They’re in-tune with the other’s needs. They learned to communicate to each other better. 

Also they’re sappy as hell. They hold hands when they’re out on missions and Sera always has her arms wrapped around Isadore or vice versa. They found each other amongst all the taunting and disapproval but none of the other people can take what’s theirs.

[sol1loqu1st]

alright you know what it is 1:30am and i have absolutely everything to lose but im SICK OF THIS so im gonna be Aro On Main and im not even gonna fucking tag it or put it under a cut youre just gonna have to FUCKING DEAL WITH my bullshit because i deal with y'all's bullshit every SINGLE day of my life and it's my turn

(disclaimer: the word "you" refers to a general you. i'm aware that some alloromantic people experience things like this due to other marginalized identities. but just fucking listen to me and don't argue semantics for once in your goddamn life)

YOU DO NOT KNOW what it's like to have your own humanity systematically erased and denied in the same way that i do. you've NEVER experienced the intersection between the way society treats neurodivergent people and aro people and you've never fucking experienced the way i'm forced to pick and choose which of those two identities i'm "allowed" to have because to be BOTH is to contribute to stereotypes about my own fucking inhumanity I AM NOT SEEN AS A HUMAN BEING BY SOCIETY I DONT SEE MYSELF AS A HUMAN FUCKING BEING.

you WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND what it's like to turn on the tv and every single character like you turns out to just be a "late bloomer" or "hasn't found the one" or a villain or in some cases a literal emotionless robot or alien (AND EVEN FUCKING THEN they usually find a romantic partner to PROVE THAT THEYRE "BECOMING HUMAN" OR SOME BULLSHIT). i get that other marginalized groups are treated similarly but not on the scale that aromantics are. i can fucking promise you that

the ACTUAL FUCKING GASLIGHTING FROM THE TIME YOU ARE BORN when you grow up aro (and yes!!! you can fucking grow up aro!!! this isn't a debate!!!! kids can fucking be aro just like kids can be gay or straight or bi or anything fucking else!!!!) is enough that I DON'T KNOW how deep my trauma runs and it only gets worse when you add people that are actively antagonistic towards you who are gaslighting YOUR FUCKING EXPERIENCES WITH BEING GASLIT (see: literally every fucking exclusionist, yeah even if youre nice about it)

you have no FUCKING IDEA how hard it is for the world to hate you and everything that you are, even if it doesnt know you EXIST, and then to turn to the community who is SUPPOSED to accept you to find that they dont. you have no fucking clue how much that hurts

you percieve aromanticism as a lack of something, as just not having something that most people do, but it affects EVERY FUCKING PART OF MY LIFE. i know my friends are going to stop talking to me as much, if AT ALL, when they get romantic partners. i know the characters i see myself in are going to get paired off with someone in the end. i know i'm going to keep being forcefed bullshit that makes romance seem like it's the be-all-end-all of What It Means To Be Human and i know i'm never going to be able to see myself as a fucking person because of it. i know im going to have to keep accepting it and keep dealing with it because "99% of the world Adores Romance and Cant Stop Thinking About It and Cant You Just Accept That True Love Is Beautiful??? You're So Negative And Pessimistic :///" and i'm sick of it already

i'm sick of being the last thing on everyone's minds, i'm sick of being the last person we need to change things for, and i'm sick of everything i am being treated as something that's wrong with me