#i am professionally diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder

[loverpupz]

meeting with your fam for christmas so crazy cuz ure just reminded where u got ur autism genes from

[clownrecess]

(Tw for talk of r/fakedisordercringe, ableism, fake claiming, harassment, etc.)

I have had it with r/fakedisordercringe. This subreddit is filled with content that is both ableist and harmful to the neurodivergent community. The posts mock autistic people, systems, people with ADHD, etc. suggesting that people are faking or exaggerating their symptoms for attention. First of all, it's incredibly harmful to assume that someone is faking a disorder just because they don't fit into your narrow view of what that disorder looks like. Autism, for example, is a spectrum disorder, which means that there are a wide variety of ways that it can present itself. Just because someone doesn't exhibit all of the classic symptoms that you associate with autism doesn't mean that they're faking it. (Tell me you're an aspie supremacist without telling me you're an aspie supremacist /hj)

The reasoning that the users of this subreddit often use tend to fall under these categories:

"They don't experience *insert disability* the same way that I do, so they must be faking"

"They post too frequently about their disability, so they must be faking"

"They support self diagnosis, so they must be faking"

"They use xenogenders/neopronouns, so they must be faking"

etc.

Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe not everyone is the same? That not everybody's disability is the same? /nbh

The idea that someone can determine whether or not another person is truly autistic or has a mental disorder based on a few online interactions (or even just a post!) is absurd. Not every autistic person or people with other disorders fits the stereotype of what people expect, and it's not up to strangers on the internet to decide who is "legitimate" and who is not.

As an autistic person, I'm tired of constantly having to defend myself and my experiences. I'm tired of seeing people with disabilities being reduced to nothing more than punchlines for jokes.

A few days ago someone in a youtube comment section accused me of faking being autistic, by saying something along the lines of "Self diagnosed ahh". First off, not everybody can safely access diagnosis. You are so incredibly privileged if you think everyone can. Somebody being undiagnosed does NOT immediately mean they are faking. Second off, I am literally professionally diagnosed.

I am tired of r/fakedisordercringe and the hate, misinformation, and stigma it perpetuates.

Leave disabled people ALONE.

[specialagentartemis]

Would you be open to elaborating more on your statement “#Admittedly I fundamentally don’t believe that many forms of ADHD and many of the tumblr-acceptable forms of autism are materially distinct”? I haven’t heard someone else voice this sentiment, but I think I have similar feelings to you around this topic and I am curious how others have come to this conclusion as well.

Sure.

When I was eight years old, I was diagnosed with ADD—Attention Deficit Disorder. This is considered a related but separate and distinct thing from ADHD.

When I was a teenager, a new DSM came out. ADD was no longer considered a distinct thing. My diagnosis changed to ADHD-I: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Inattentive Type.

My brain didn’t change, but the professional perception of what was up with it did.

Is ADD materially different from ADHD? Can you have ADHD without hyperactivity? That used to be no, now it’s yes; answer the first question, that used to be yes, now it’s no.

I see very similar things between ADHD and autism. Lots of people do. Traits like the ability to fixate on an interest to the physical inability to pay attention to anything else; infodumping past the point other people lose interest; penchant for physical clumsiness and poor coordination; emotional dysregulation; proclivity to sensory overload; anxiety over not emoting correctly… they’re ADHD things and autism things. Is bouncing my leg an autism stim or an expression of ADHD hyperactivity? Or is it just fidgeting like people do sometimes? I dunno. Are they in fact materially different things?

Similar to ADD, Asperger’s Syndrome is no longer a thing. It’s subsumed under Autism Spectrum Disorder now. Is “high functioning” autism the same material thing as “low functioning” autism? Is “high functioning” autism the same thing as “ADD”? Idk. In some people I think it is.

Especially in mental disorders and neurodivergences, diagnoses aren't physical, material things. They're names given to commonly occurring collections of traits or symptoms. There's no virus that causes ADHD, no bacteria that can be isolated that causes autism. COVID is caused by the virus SARS-CoV-2; strep throat is caused by Streptococcus bacteria. They have symptoms, but they are primarily defined by their root cause. ADHD, autism, and plenty of other Brain Things do have neurochemical correlates - that is, there is an aspect of physical reality to them, you brain is wired a certain way - but it's not like ADHD is caused by the ADHD Virus and Autism is caused by the Autism Germ. They're names given to observable sets of traits, in order to figure out ways of treating and managing them. And I think drawing a sharp distinction between them - THIS is ADHD, and THIS is autism, and they're NOT THE SAME! - is pointless.

I like to use the xkcd color survey as an analogy for... well, a lot of things about the human experience and the way we classify it.

If you weren't around in 2010, xkcd's Randall Munroe asked the internet to help crowdsource the true names and boundaries of colors. You could sit down at the screen, colors would appear before you by random hexcode, and you typed in the name you'd call it. You could do this as many times with as many colors as you wanted. This was the resultant chart he made:

This shows the entirety of fully saturated RGB color space. Each pixel is a different hex code. Each pixel represents a different individual's brain.

I usually use this chart to talk about sexual orientation/queer identities. But it's also a great analogy for the categorizations being diagnoses.

If "Blue" is, say, ADHD, and "Purple" is Autism, you can image how one person's "purple" experience may be wildly different from another "purple" experience but very similar to a "blue" experience. But they're labelled differently, for various reasons. Maybe the doctor had recently seen a lot of blues, and this one seems more purple in comparison. Maybe the doctor has a really specific idea of what blue is, so this can't be blue, it must be purple. Which is not to say some blues aren't wildly different from some purples, that some purples match the platonic ideal image in your mind of what "purple" is more than others. There's still clearly a lot of overlap in blue and purple experiences.

That's kind of how I think about ADHD and autism.

And who knows, maybe I think this just because I am actually autistic. I've asked myself that, wondered that before. Am I? Or are these just ADHD symptoms that overlap? And honestly at this point the answer isn't super important to me. I know how my brain works and how to deal with it when it gets bad, and there's very little that pursuing a diagnosis would do for me at the point I'm at in my life.

But when I say that I suspect the two aren't as materially distinct as they're sometimes made out to be, this is what I mean.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

My mom says I didn't act autistic before like a month ago or something, that I didn't use to be this sensitive to sound and stuff, but then I read that autistic burnout can make masking harder or something?

Also she's been saying I'm getting worse and worse over time or something

I don't know if I'm autistic but I am diagnosed with ADHD and my brother is autistic. Also all my friends are saying I'm autistic.

What's your opinion on all this?

Hi there,

I’m not a medical professional, and I don’t know you personally, so it’s hard to tell or guess. But if you have ADHD, you probably have autism too. According to one source, if you have ASD then there is 50-70% that you have ADHD too:

Here are some more sources talking about Autism and ADHD comorbidity:

I hope some of these can be helpful. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[cobaltsoulsearcher]

Resources for questioning/self-diagnosing autistics

Note: I am a professionally diagnosed autistic. I welcome researched self-diagnosis and also would wish to acknowledge these tools are intended largely for low support needs and mid to high masking folks without major language/intellectual disabilities , who are only one part of the autism community. Likewise, science does not always adequately study POC and AFAB autistic people.

That said, here are some scientifically based resources.

1. Look at what professional psychologists use to diagnose autism in adults. This is intended for professionals so it may be very difficult to understand. That’s okay! You don’t have to understand this! It’s just for reference.

There is one major note I have here, which is that they use the EQ empathy quotient. it is important to know does not measure empathy, but NT responses to empathy; this has been proved by comparing it with other scales of empathy. Toronto Empathy Scale is good if you want to know your actual level of Empathy and is linked later on. Low empathy or high empathy are both possible with autistics.

You can also look at the diagnostic criteria for autism! Here’s a link: https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

2. The Autism Spectrum Quotient is the most cited number for measuring autistic likeliness, and can be taken as a self-report quiz. You can take it here: https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/#test

https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/#test

However, do note that some of them are worded weirdly. Embrace autism has this handy list of rephrased items to help with taking it:

3. The RAADS-R autism measure is another often looked at number that can be taken as a self-report quiz, though again, be aware there is bias towards white male typical traits. It is also important to note this tool is only intended to adults and generally useless to teens.

4 . You might see the Aspie quiz (https://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php) around as well. However, the reason it isn’t as studied is because in reality, it doesn’t particularly measure autism as opposed to general neurodivergence (ADHD, OCD, and BPD folks in particular also tend to score high). The only area that IS consistently high for autistics only is “Talent”. Don’t depend on this measure.

5. There are some other scales that may be useful to understanding your autistic traits, but that only examine specific traits. Here are a few:

Masking: https://novopsych.com.au/assessments/formulation/camouflaging-autistic-traits-questionnaire-cat-q/

Repetitive behavior: https://cardiffunipsych.eu.qualtrics.com/CP/File.php?F=F_cNmWiefEt9VrJbg

Executive function: https://www.smartbutscatteredkids.com/esq/

Alexithymia: https://embrace-autism.com/toronto-alexithymia-scale/

https://embrace-autism.com/toronto-alexithymia-scale/

Empathy: https://psychology-tools.com/test/toronto-empathy-questionnaire

[randomfoggytiger]

ok I was gonna ask about your charlie scully one (still am I guess lol) but I must know your thoughts on the autism question, a while back there was a fandom-wide twitter spat over whether or not mulder and scully were autistic, and I was leaning against it but that was before I figured that out about myself, and most of my moots are in favor of it, and idk really what to think lol so your insight would be much appreciated🙏🏻 (also if I wasn’t so goddamn busy I would do all of that research for you lmao)

You should do it!! Even if one day my project comes to fruition!

My leanings on the autism question: no. But I'd have to prove or disprove my own theory if I wrote up that post; and in order to do that, I'd have to have a clearer understanding of the diagnosis, its symptoms (and symptoms that are commonly misdiagnosed), and its identifiable characteristics.

The "problem" is: the new understanding of autism and other disorders are now framed on a spectrum. In order for me to break down the topic, I'd have to ingest lots and lots of autism content from clinically licensed professionals and hear what they look for, broadly, when forming a diagnosis; then, I'd have to search up what the fandom perceives Mulder and Scully's autistic traits to be; then, I'd have to compare and contrast the strength of each claim; then I'd have to balance the whole. Currently, I'm ingesting new autistic creators that are breaking down barriers of what autism is perceived to be (and that's been helpful); and I have a few other licensed professionals I'd need to catch up on (one who even has the diagnosis herself.) In short: tons of layman research.

More importantly: who would be interested in my post, realistically? I don't have doctorate (or training), for one. Second, it's a rather popular thought that Mulder or Scully have some sort of diagnosis (besides trauma-- canon agrees with that one.) The rule dictates everyone has a right to their own opinion; and since that's the case, where would my post fit in?

Realistically, the 90s FBI wouldn't have recruited Scully out of medical school if they suspected she had autism. Mulder perhaps, but only because of Bill Mulder's (or CSM's) connection. There's a program just instituted (2021) by the Feds that is working on recruiting people with autism into their pilot program. And according to studies I've learned about from autism creators (that they've gleaned from the professionals), a neurotypical brain automatically senses something "off" or "different" about a neurodivergent brain, which can lead to ostracization (or bullying in children... and adults.) 90s Scully would have had to learn to mask her autism so well that not only was she never diagnosed but she attracted the attention of the FBI recruitment office-- not a small feat for a woman in the 90s-- and was able to keep it through their very strict recruitment circuit. (Fyi, the man who inspired "Catch Me if You Can" tried to get in with a law degree and was still turned down.)

Also, Mulder and Scully face back-to-back stimulating environments; and go right back to work without time to decompress (which is a feat nearly unachievable.) I'm not an expert-- far from it-- but the common denominator I'm finding from professionals and diagnosed individuals is that overstimulation is a key factor in autism. To varying degrees, yes, but still. Overwhelm and meltdowns are parts of the diagnosis that have to be factored in. Anecdotally, I've read one person who states she becomes better in high-stress situations than her peers because of her hyperfocus; but she seems to be an outlier (I presume.) I'd need to do more research on differing degrees of overwhelm and meltdowns (not everyone manifests overwhelm or a meltdown in the same way, of course); but since the field is still swamped with more information regarding "stereotypical" autism (a.k.a. boys who show the most extreme signs), it would take me a bit to narrow things down even more.

Lastly, we can all probably agree CC didn't write Mulder and Scully with an autism diagnosis. He definitely gave Mulder PTSD in the Pilot; and Scully's trauma from her abduction was written in later. The personal theories branch off from there; and, again, in order to finalize a perspective one way or another, a licensed professional would probably have to watch the show (or more than one season) and make a conclusion; otherwise, my "research" could be written off as another form of headcanon. And since professionals are professional, they'd probably abstain from forming an opinion either way.

Thus, the scales have been put before you: time requirements and lukewarm reception weigh against it; putting my ideas out there for me and the mutuals to puzzle over weigh for it.

[spirit-lanterns]

Hey, so I'm autistic and I wanted to know are you okay writing autistic darling?

- 🦔

Unfortunately I am not, sorry 😅

I don’t write any disorders because:

1. There is no way I could accurately portray anything without tons and tons of research. I am in no ways a medical professional myself, nor do I have autism.

2. Autism is a spectrum so it’s different for everyone who has autism. One person’s own experiences having it, will not be the same for other people experiencing it.

3. Also, this applies to other disorders like OCD and anxiety. People experience disorders differently, and although I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder myself, I don’t want to write anything with anxiety because I know people have different experiences and it can’t fit under such a broad terminology.

Thank you for asking though!

[kay0783]

I have some questions for those who are autistic/neurodivergent and have AHDH:

1) How long did it take for you to get diagnosed and

2)What advice would you give to those who believe they *might* be on the spectrum?

To put a long story short, one of my favorite animators on YouTube released a video talking about how she was diagnosed with AuDHD. I've always been a big fan of hers because I felt like I could relate to her, even though I could never pin point why. Once I watched the video and she explained all her symptoms/the way she functioned, I realized that (nearly) everything she spoke about is something I can relate to and struggle with.

I just want to clarify that in no way shape or form am I trying to "claim" having ADHD or autistic without any diagnosis. Ever since I realized I relate to the youtuber's overall functioning, I started doing some research and popped into some neurodivergent social media communities just to see what other peoples' lives were like with an official diagnosis. And 🥳surprise🥳... I once again found myself relating to a lot of experiences people were talking about.

What I've come across in some general research is that:

A) autism is caused by a genetic mutation + genetics (pls correct me if I'm wrong)

Genetic mutations run in my family and I even have a family member who suspects they are on the spectrum as well

B) Autism, specifically in women and girls, is often misdiagnosed as other disorders.

When I was 11 I was diagnosed with 8 mood disorders (a variety of anxiety and depression disorders), and vaguely remember a comment on some sort of platform that being diagnosed with an absurd amount of disorders is usually a sign that there is a much bigger, underlying issue at hand.

And C) not everyone with autism or AuDHD functions the same, yet there is not much research done on women with autism.

Again, I've read that there are many 'quirks' and ways in which neurodivergent people act, think, and speak. It's just kinda frustrating because my whole life I've been suffering with a mountain of other disorders and have had to be prescribed medications and go through a fuck tone of therapy sessions......all for something that doctors may not have picked up on, and misdiagnosed.

In no way do I mean to bash any medical professionals. I get that there's not a lot of understanding of what autism is like in other groups other than white, cis males (again, no offense, it's just what I've read). For crying out loud, my own mother worked YEARS as a special Ed teacher for students with down syndrome and are extreme cases of autism, but that kinda adds to my frustration because if she never noticed anything, then am I making this all up??? Am I losing my mind??? It sure feels like it. But at the same time it doesn't because when I read posts from people with autism and ADHD, so many things start piecing themselves together and just. make. sense. Idk how to word it. I do so many things that make it hard to function day-to-day, and when I listen to others like me, I feel seen and heard for the first time. For the first time I'm thinking that I might not be crazy.

So, long story (not so) short, is it worth me looking into getting an assessment? What if the medical professionals don't believe me? How long does it take to get a diagnosis?

(If there are any medical professionals out there who are willing and able to give some advice, please feel free to comment).

[sirenium]

Being late diagnosed autistic does horrible things for your mental health, especially when you find out that professionals SUSPECTED it much earlier but did nothing. I think I went through the five stages of grief on my mom's floor when I caught sight of 'rule out autism spectrum disorder' in my records. I was, what, four? When they suspected but didn't do a damn thing further? These fucking clowns just brushed that off and left it to me to eventually figure things out and request an assessment, which I finally received at 18 YEARS OLD.

Now that I think about it, the fact that I'm black most likely had something to do with the suspicions of autism being brushed under the rug. I don't like claiming to be the victim of racism often, because I am also mixed with white and am beyond light-skinned; I feel like it's not my issue, and my past experiences could not have possibly been racially motivated, but... I would be lying to myself to claim that racism didn't have a hand in this. Looking at the facts, black and AFAB people are among the most overlooked when it comes to autism diagnoses. It is possible that that is my story as well.

Regardless, the lack of a diagnosis led to years of not knowing what was 'wrong' with me, why my peers pushed me away at every turn. I didn't know why my mom claimed I was such a likeable person, while people my age hated me. I didn't understand why I needed more time for things that others didn't. I didn't understand why people suddenly 'liked' me at 13 (I was masking, unbeknownst to me). I understood nothing about myself. That is DAMAGING, and what was even more damaging was finding out that the answer was inches from my grasp all those years ago. Rule out autism spectrum disorder. I'm not sure I'll recover from that, not really; to learn that the professionals didn't care enough about you to finish their job leaves wounds, it makes you wonder what you did wrong for them to hate - or be so indifferent about - you enough to withhold information so crucial. It deepens existing wounds their negligence certainly didn't help.

I truly was left to die.

[lalacatland]

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

INTRODUCTIONs for this abomination! ❥╰┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╯ in case anybody actually finds this!?

✮┊ ┊ ⋆˚ 

lalacatland is literally just a group blog from a gang who are messing around and got no idea what they're doing ♪ if we tag anything inappropriately (when we properly tag stuff?) please send us an ask, the admin will rush to fix it~ FOR YOUR KNOWLEDGE: most of the members post whatever, be it fandoms or anything else so keep that in mind BYF now thats outta the way we can move onto each members introduction! ♡ ↓

»»———-　　———-«« @remiiox ₓ˚. the self proclaimed role-model of the group, yup. anyhow, i do not care what pronouns you use for me in the slightest so go crazy! im a closeted fool who is often lazing around on their computer or mobile device, dont fret as i dont bite. i have professionally diagnosed Autism, but for safety reasons theres no way i can send proof. i enjoy video games the most, i'll list my top interests~ Oneshot, Project Sekai, Deltarune and Undertale along with small budget franchises such as Hyperdimension Neptunia and Death end Re;Quest! MINOR but dont let that scare ya away as if im a bat in a cave~ »»———-　　———-«« @luminocitie ✩ͯ. hello! im luminocitie, but you can call me Sunny! my pronouns are they/them, if you have a gendered language, using he/him is ok! im aroace, im agender, i have ADHD my current interests are deltarune and undertale, but this may change »»———-　　———-« @crystalizepanda ˊ⸊ˎ ♡ Hi everyone! ✦ 〳 I generally go by the names Crystal and Alora, but you can refer me with any name/nickname as long as it's appropriate. I'm one of the members and friend that run the blog group, lalacatland. Pleasure to welcome you! ✦ 〳 This group consists of goofy posts and all of that sense of humor we like to engage in as we extend our silliness to the core. Nonetheless, we're here to have fun and participate in anything that entertains ourselves in constant joy and laughter :) ✦ 〳 Additionally, I'm a Christian that likes to encourage one another with passion and the Lord's strength. I am also a neurodivergent with autism spectrum disorder and my biological gender is a female. ✦ 〳 Furthermore, if you have any consistencies or concerns you would like to share with me, don't hesitate! I am here to provide and respond as soon as possible. If you want to interact with me as well, you're more than welcome to do so at your own will! No judgment intended! :) * May God bless you all and the opportunities that fulfill your life and future! ✞ ♡ »»———-　　———-«« @melodyzzx ┊ ˚｡˚

hello 🤯

js a brief introduction about me i guess

- my preferred names are calix, ace, and melody

- pronouns are they/them & he/him

- i'm aroace 🤯

- my current interests are jujutsu kaisen, mashle, and etc. 💡

- i like playing games, listening to music and drawing 🤯‼️

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┆Name.ᐟ; Rain

┆prns ;She/They ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁‧₊˚✩彡

૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა additional info!

☆💬。・socials ; if u wanna chat w/ me privately, add me on disc or insta! (im mostly active there so I do apologize) or dm/pm me here (as, I normally do I have my notfis on..)

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★‧₊˚ - i like bred

☆・．❕「My friends will be more active than me ☠️」

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[alpacahat67]

Idia Shroud is Autistic-Coded; Here's Why

Hello! Happy Autism Awareness Month! In celebration, I will be posting a wholeeee load of autistic traits I have found in Idia. This is coming from a person who, while undiagnosed, is most likely autistic.

If you have any additions, please tell me in whatever way is most convenient (comments, reblogs, asks, dms... whatever.) This list will likely be evergrowing as more events, vignettes, and story content are added to TWST. Some of these may be a stretch but ya know.

This is organized by trait for your (and my) convenience. Begins under cut!

*Warning, I am not a medical professional. I'm just autistic and for a while got fixated on autism itself. Which is why I call myself autistic... I've been researching this shit for many years lol

We'll be starting with DSM-5 requirements in order to be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. Then, we will move to common experiences (things that most autistic people experience, but aren't a tell-tale sign that you're autistic and aren't a requirement for a professional diagnosis.) Finally will be disorders that Idia shows symptoms of that tend to co-occur with ASD.

Numbered list will explain the traits Idia demonstrates. At the end, the diagnostic criteria specified will be stated in parentheses and quotation marks.

A) Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts...

Generally, Idia is seen to have trouble communicating with his peers if not behind a screen or while interacting with something he enjoys (such as talking about anime or playing a board game.) ("Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation...")

Idia's way of expressing emotion is difficult to pin down. He will go from speaking very quietly (and stuttering usually) in a near-monotone voice with an "emotionless" expression to talking loudly, quickly, and with a HUGE smile on his face. We don't quite get to see how he responds to nonverbal communication or how he portrays it himself (probably because it doesn't come up, or because of live2d restrictions), but we do learn that he hates eye contact I believe in his Birthday Boy vignette when he claims to hate having to laugh and make eye contact with normies (masking right there buddy go to a doctor) ("Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.")

This is where it could kinda get stretchy, partially because I for the life of me am having trouble understanding A.3. BUT. Idia is often very blunt, to the point where he's straight up rude, especially in situations where that kind of attitude is... not very helpful. See the Phantom Bride event when he chastises the boys coming to rescue him for looking disheveled after fighting for their lives, which makes them not want to rescue him despite his life being on the line (I think Ace even goes off on him for this lol.) Furthermore, the only people amongst his peers that he will indulge are Azul, Ortho and (unknowingly, and only online) Lilia. The rest he has zero interest in, whether he despises or is scared of them. They're all normies. Finally, it's shown that throughout his life he has had very little if not zero friends in real life aside from Ortho. To be fair, I don't think there were many kids his age back home lol. ("Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.")

Part one of an autism diagnosis down! Idia shows persistent deficits in each social and communication area specified through A.1-A.3. In order to be diagnosed, you also much show two out of four of restricted, repetitive behaviors specified through B.1-B.4 below.

B) Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history...

Due to live2d restrictions, we never exactly get to see Idia physically stim. (Well, I'd argue we get to see Floyd physically stim with his constant swaying back and forth, but not like they can flap their hands or anything.) This one's a stretch, but his form of verbal stimming could be the little sound effects he makes at times, mostly in book 6 actually. Specifically, his "DA DA DA DAAAAA" after explaining the plot of Star Rogue to the overblot victims in Styx as well as his "BOOM BADA BOOM BOOM BOOM! HAH!" after finishing Ortho in the flashback sequence. Other than that, the only other ideas I'd have for repetitive movements or sounds are headcanons. I don't know if I'd count this one. ("Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech")

This is another one I don't think we ever see in-game. I don't know... the things I could consider part of this criteria would better fit as sensory things~! Again I'm an Idia connoisseur but if you know anything about this please tell me I will update this one. ("Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior")

Idia is shown to have MULTIPLE very strong interests. Whether this might be a special interest or hyperfixation... it's hard to tell, but I can sure guess. The longest-running interest we see him show to have, originating from way back when Ortho was still alive, is Star Rogue. Because he seems to know nearly everything about the game and has also maintained the interest for a long time, I would consider this a special interest (along with engineering and technomancy, which he's said to have excelled in since a young age.) Idia does talk about certain specific animes and other games he enjoys, but not to the degree of Star Rogue (yes that's my basis here), so I don't know if that's a special interest or just a hyperfixation. It's the same situation with idol groups, particularly Premo (or Fates on the Edge). This isn't even it. That man is fandom trash and I love him. ("Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus")

Idia is shown on multiple occasions to have sensory issues. To the point where, similarly to his strong interests, I don't know if I know half of it. During the Phantom Bride event and his Union Birthday vignette, Idia complains about his neck feeling cold due to his hair being brushed behind his hair (PB) or up in a ponytail (UB). He also complains about his Phantom Bride suit AND his Birthday Boy suit being "stuffy", but that one could also be a stretch. In the Harveston event, Idia says that he only eats his apples canned or peeled, which I'd chop up to sensory issues once again. (Although, that one could also be under B.2) Idia constantly has his headphones around his neck to listen to music. A bit of a stretch, but they're also noise canceling, so there's a chance he uses them to avoid overstimulation. Finally, Idia states that he doesn't like fish because it's smelly and slimy. I get that Idia raw fish is texture hell. As far as I know, there's no point in which Idia under-reacts to sensory input (e.g. pain) or becomes very invested in it (like staring at a moving wheel.) ("Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment")

And there we have it. Autism diagnosis. Idia demonstrates persistent deficits in all three sections under A and at least two sections under B. BUT WAIT! We still have C-E!

C) Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

Really, the only point in which we see Idia demonstrate autistic traits in early life is his interest in Star Rogue. This is probably just because of how the storyline is. We actually don't know very much about Idia OR Ortho when they were young. However I would argue that Idia does mask because of the multiple times where he immediately just gets upset prior to talking to someone (something he probably hides during conversation). And ofc that one time he complains about talking to normies in his Birthday Boy vignette (? it could've be a voice line.)

D) Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

Idia's symptoms in fact significantly impair his life. I think that alone is obvious enough. We see it every time that man's on screen.

E) These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability (intellectual developmental disorder) or global developmental delay...

Symptoms that Idia experiences could very well be explained by other mental disorders such as social anxiety, but these are not intellectual disabilities. Explaining away ASD for Idia falls into a trap many autistic people do in real life with medical professionals who just can't believe that their patient is autistic for one reason or another; these people will sometimes receive a dozen different diagnoses that all could be better explained by autism spectrum disorder. That's not very cool. Therefore, this does not apply.

Specifically, Idia would likely have ASD co-morbid with social anxiety and most likely clinical depression. (I HAVE done some minor research into Idia and bipolar disorder, but that's a situation for another day and far more of a stretch than ASD ever could be.)

DSM-5 requirements cleared! Next stage, common experiences.

This is another thing I will need help for because it's not like there's scholarly articles on "things a lot of autistic people experience but it's definitely not something a doctor will ask you about." So please share. This is the list that will never stop growing.

Abnormal posture (Crewel gets onto Idia for not standing up straight, he often is portrayed sitting in chairs with his knees to his chest, and he's seen doing "dino hands" or "T-Rex arms" in battle mode on occasion.)

Target of bullying (Many autistic people, especially autistic girls, tend to be bullied more often than their allistic peers. While not always to his face, people do tend to talk bad about Idia behind his back, Ortho even has a 'Don't Talk Shit About My Brother' beam for the bullies lol.)

More tone + social stuff... (Things that the DSM-5 thing didn't quite fit. In book 6 he jokes about torturing the overblots and when everyone's like 'dude wtf' he's like 'what it was a joke dumbass.' Could be written off as just an odd sense of humor, or it could be difficulty reading the room lol.)

A love for lists and organization. (When Idia speaks autonomously in your guest room, he mentions having things exactly where you need them and how it's 'convenience'. He also seems to have a knack for practicality. It's not too much of a stretch to say it ties into a need for organization.) (Idia has every NRC student organized into multiple tier lists on the R-SSR rating system like the in-game cards based on certain factors, such as most social.)

Easily startled. (Self-explanatory. HieEh.)

Preference for connection through interests. (Another reason why he is disconnected from those around him, aside from the whole trauma thing, and calls most other people "normies." They don't "get" his interests, so he has no interest in being friends with them.)

Difficulty with processing time. (Remember when he had apparently been working on Ortho's uhhh starsender gear? For like 12 hours straight?"

Relaxes through interacting with interests (In the vignette I referenced in 7, when Ortho tells him to take a break, he decides to play Star Rogue. Ortho meant to sleep.)

Putting off needs until one can not longer ignore them. (Idia often gets so engrossed in what he's doing that he forgets to do basic self-care tasks like eating.)

Infodumping. (Shown a lot in book 6. Namely with his like 2-3 minute long rant about Star Rogue. The rest, such as him rambling on and on about Styx, seems to be used so the audience knows what the HELL is happening. He does go on rants outside of this book tho.)

Gifted kid (Yeah he was called a "boy genius.")

This is not a complete list by any means, I could go on for DAYS.

On the topic of co-occurring disorders, the two most obvious disorders Idia clearly is dealing with are social anxiety and depression. Both of which are often co-morbid with ASD.

While social anxiety and ASD have a lot of overlap, they aren't the same thing, but often autism can contribute to the development of social anxiety through masking and the general difficulties in socializing that come with autism. Allistic people tend to react negatively in response to an autistic person doing something that the allistic person deems unorthodox. This reaction can often cause a lot of internal turmoil for the autistic person due to rejection-sensitive dysphoria. Furthermore, masking requires a high level of awareness of one's environment as well as the judgment of others. Thus, social anxiety can often develop.

While I don't know how exactly autism might affect depression as it does social anxiety, I do know that depression is VERY common in autistic adults. 5 in 10 adults with ASD have depression, and living in a world built for those who are neurotypical is hard for anyone who is neurodivergent, which definitely does not help. And it sure as hell has to make it worse for Idia of all people.

Additions made by others (tysm!): @hey-haven mentions in a reblog Idia's low empathy towards other people. I recommend heading over to their blog to check out what they said because they do make an amazing point and it's probably far better than anything I could explain (lol). But to paraphrase, they cite specifically Idia making fun of his classmates who just fought for their lives to rescue him during the Phantom Bride event and his attitude towards the overblot victims and their reactions to being essentially kidnapped during book 6, in which he seems to not really "get" why they're so upset. Generally, when it surrounds emotions that aren't his own, he's pretty oblivious. They also bring up his little "whee-hee-hee" laugh! It brings up an observation I've seen of autistic people (seemingly) laughing at "random" or generally inappropriate times because we tend to express laughter in a voiced manner (like laughing out loud because you find something genuinely funny) rather than an unvoiced manner (like the little exhale you do at a funny photo on your phone). Idia laughs a lot, I don't know if it's realistic to connect it to autism or if it's better explained by him just being a weird guy (which I love about him don't get me wrong lol.) Although the study about this was with specifically autistic and non-autistic children though... it's food for thought I guess.

And with that, my essay comes to a close. Again, happy Autism Awareness Month! Share some of your favorite autistic, canon or otherwise, characters and boost autistic creators! And remember to not support Autism Speaks :)

Thank you for listening.

-Alpaca (autistic Idia Shroud enthusiast)

P.S. this post is so long that it's making my PC lag LMAOOOO

[drdemonprince]

Hey Devon,

I've been thinking a lot lately about the idea of there being a hard line between "autistic" and "not autistic". Do you think that there exists some kind of innate Truth about each person, that they are either autistic or not? I guess I'm referring to the concept of a neurotype, where differences run deep, and are bridged only at a surface level, by masking/compensation. Something which, if we could measure it well enough, would clearly and unfailingly differentiate between autistic and non-autistic people.

The alternative, I suppose, is that there are grey areas, people who are in between. In that case, I struggle to understand what autism is - a category that's defined by society more than by physical reality? In that case, can you be sort-of-autistic or almost-autistic or barely-autistic? I have the sense that this is the more common situation when it comes to psychology, but it doesn't really line up with how we talk about autism.

I already went through all this with gender some years ago, and I got the answers I needed there by slowly transitioning, but I'm not sure if there's a similarly satisfying path to closure when it comes to autism. I mean, I'm both self- and formally-diagnosed anyway, but it does niggle at me. I feel like I'm in that grey area if it exists.

Keen to hear your thoughts!

I think this article about sums up my thoughts!

There is no blood test for Autism, or brain scan, or single gene we can look for, or objective measure that gives a definitive answer. All we have are flawed assessments created by non-Autistic mental health professionals, and the observations and critiques written by Autistic people themselves.

When someone comes to me wondering if they are Autistic, I always have the same advice: read writing by Autistics. Watch videos by Autistic people. Try out resources designed for Autistics, like Ear Defenders, stim toys, and weighted blankets. Join an Autistic community space, whether that’s a virtual meeting, an in-person one, or a social media hub. Explore the possibilities, and focus less on discovering objective “truth,” and more on finding what helps you feel more happy, connected, and whole.

I don’t believe in drawing an arbitrary line in the sand and saying a sufficient number of traits (or intensity of traits) makes someone categorically Autistic, especially considering that many undiagnosed Autistics have been forced to hide their more obvious traits for decades. If you have some Autistic traits but not others, it’s possible you have generalized anxiety, PTSD, OCD, social anxiety, or ADHD. Look into those disorders and their communities too. See if there are resources that are useful to you there. You can be promiscuous — we won’t get jealous. A lot of us have multiple conditions anyway. Or feel at home in multiple mental health communities, if you prefer.

As your question acknowledges, Autism is a spectrum. Or as others have written, a sundae bar with a variety of toppings. If you are somewhere on the spectrum, you’re on the spectrum; you don’t have to be the most intensely Autistic person around to count. Even if you actually have a “sister condition” like ADHD, you might still feel at home among Autistic folks, and if that’s the case, you belong too.

I have said this many times, but people need the reassurance very often: if you feel at home in the community, if you benefit from resources designed by and for Autistic people, if you recognize you share common interests with us and you want to fight alongside us for greater disability justice, you belong in the neurodiverse community. Full stop. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

You can use whatever words for yourself you feel most comfortable with, Anon, or you can just enter neurodiverse community spaces without claiming a label. You don’t owe anyone proof, and you don’t have to be “Autistic enough” to matter and belong here. We are stronger together. We’re a big, diverse rainbow, and you are welcome inside it.

In other words, I think the conclusion is very much the same one we arrive at re: queerness. The real question is never "is this individual person Autistic", it's "are all people harmed by the social mandate that we all be neurotypical" and the answer to that one is always yes. How we personally reconcile that fact wrt our own lives and how we choose to identify is up to us. we can really answer that personal question however we like.

[nobodysdaydreams]

Benedict Twins Neurodivergent Head Canons (by popular request)

At first I was going to make a post about all the MBS character's neurodivergencies, then I realized I had wayyyy too many for the twins alone.

Then I also realized that despite my efforts to try and separate them by diagnoses, a lot of their symptoms are the same thing in different fonts and with different diagnoses emphasized throughout the show. So here is everything I came up with.

(Warning: insanely long and unhinged post ahead. Feel free to disagree with any of these. Just don't be ableist please!).

My head canons for the twins:

ADHD-inattentive type - mostly Nicholas, possibly season 2 Nathaniel

Autism - mostly Nicholas, you could argue Nathaniel also has it

Anxiety/OCD symptoms - mostly Nathaniel in season 1, you could argue Nicholas has other forms of anxiety

BPD - mostly Nathaniel in season 2, you could argue Nicholas also has it

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) - Both twins have it, and I think Nathaniel also has CSD, and I will explain what that is

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD) - I don't know if both twins have it, but there are some scenes they were in the had the vibe going for sure

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ADHD-inattentive type:

Nicholas' ADHD-I head canon mostly comes from personal experience (that's been my official diagnosis since childhood). Specifically, the way they wrote the show version of the character was way too relatable to me. The fact that there are so many books on his desk cluttered everywhere? Him dismissing the food Number Two tries to give him in that one scene even though he ordered it? The flashbacks of Nathaniel having to tell Nicholas to make sure his appearance looked good? Flashback Nicholas showing up late for the orphanage pageant? The general scatterbrain tendencies? Nicholas getting emotionally overwhelmed when he has too much to do or can't find a way out of a situation? I love the man, but thank goodness he has Rhonda and Number Two to do the executive functioning for him because if they didn't he would be in trouble. Those scenes were way too relatable, as were the scenes of him feeling guilty for being a burden to his friends family because they handle so much for him.

Since this head canon comes entirely from my own experiences, it's probably the easiest for me to write. I haven't done much with it in my fics yet because I've been focusing a bit more on the plot™️ and other characters, but when writing season 2 content, especially from Nicholas' perspective and how it changes after he's been given the happiness technique, I do intend to do a few things to incorporate this head canon into how I write his scenes.

It's also worth noting that while I see this head canon as mostly applying to Nicholas, Nathaniel does seem to have more ADHD-I symptoms in season 2. Season 1 he has a lot of anxiety (which I will talk about), but in season 2, he's a lot more quirky and scatterbrained and relaxed once his anxiety symptoms are decreased, and I could see ADHD being a head canon for him as well, it's just that his anxiety masks his executive dysfunction more than Nicholas' does. Of course, there are a lot of other possible reasons for Nathaniel's change in personality between seasons, and I'm gonna talk about those too.

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Autism:

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): So unlike the ADHD head canon, the autism head canon is one that I am not professionally diagnosed with, but I am familiar with it through irl friends that I've had that have been professionally diagnosed with autism. It's also worth noting that this is not really my own head canon or an unpopular one, other people in the fandom have mentioned this head canon before).

It's also a head canon that I think makes a lot of sense, especially in the show, they mention multiple times that Nicholas was at one point an academic, which could imply him having special interests and hyper fixations. During the flashbacks of him at the orphanage we really don't see him interact with anyone other than Nathaniel, which could be due to a number of factors, but could also suggest that maybe Nicholas struggled socially. This is support by the fact that when he rants at Nathaniel in 1x8, he says Nathaniel always tried "to control me [Nicholas], to control your friends", but Nicholas doesn't say our friends or my friends, and the only friends of his own mentioned from childhood are Nathaniel (who his says was his best friend), and Tommy Jacobs (who Nathaniel told him to stay away from and was implied to be a social outcast) suggesting that Nathaniel was the one building and maintaining the twin's social circle, though of course that's speculation.

I also previously talked about Nicholas being emotionally overwhelmed, and I know I connected that more to my own experience of ADHD-I symptoms, but I could see it being connected to experiences of autism as well, such as autistic burnout, autistic meltdowns, or sensory overload, I suppose it's open to interpretation especially if you head canon Nicholas as having both ADHD and Autism and consider all the ways that ADHD and Autism can coexist and interact within the same person.

It's also worth noting that Nathaniel is also seen misinterpreting social situations and struggling to connect with his peers both in flashback and in the show. In the flashbacks, he doesn't pick up the fact that the perspective parents don't like him or that people are displeased with his morning after performance. In the present, he has to basically twist Garrison's arm into a friendship and has so many weird and uncomfortable scenes where he tries to offer her "a chance to share the spotlight" and gives her champagne she can't drink where it looks like he's attempting to get her to genuinely like him but he just keeps missing the mark and getting more and more frustrated. I suppose you can also head canon this as ASD if you want since it is a pattern of social struggles that has followed him into adulthood (especially since Nicholas and Nathaniel are twins and would likely have similar symptoms), but it's also important to remember that Nathaniel is an antagonist, so I could understand where this head canon could also be taken negatively.

As for how I incorporate ASD head canons into my fic, since ASD is a disorder I have a lot of personal familiarity with, but am not diagnosed with myself, I try to write it in a way where I keep what's canon canon, I talk mostly about the symptoms I'm familiar with or have heard friends of mine describe (I mention Nicholas stimming as a child and struggling to understand social situations, getting very emotionally overwhelmed, etc.).

One thing I was mindful of, especially when writing my fic was that even though Nicholas (and SQ, who I'll talk more about in another post) having autism is a fairly popular head canon made mostly by autistic people, I still wanted to make sure that when I focused in or hinted at those symptoms that I did it well and did it respectfully.

For example, one problematic trope that can happen in autism representation is infantilizing or having them portrayed as sweet and innocent characters, but also characters without a lot of agency, and I did worry a bit about that when writing them from Nathaniel's point of view, and talking about things like him not trusting SQ to make his own decisions, and viewing Nicholas as incapable or incompetent. I really tried to make it super clear that this is how Curtain or other characters are viewing them at various points in time, but it's not necessarily how they actually are. So far I think that I've been able to make that clear, at least I haven't heard anyone say that my portrayal is problematic or bad, and I have gotten a lot of comments saying that I do a fairly good job of switching between the POVs of different characters and showing how certain things from one character's perspective are incorrect in another's. But again, while I have some personal experience with ASD, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with ASD think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate and positive one, and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.

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Anxiety/OCD:

Anxiety/OCD Symptoms: My background with OCD and anxiety is that I have several family members and friends with anxiety and OCD, and I know that it's a really difficult disorder to live with especially when you're trying to deal with it on your own.

I know there have been a couple people who have already pointed out Nathaniel's OCD and anxiety-like behaviors, especially in the ways that it parallels Sticky's anxiety and OCD tendencies (and I might do another post talking more in depth about Sticky but if you haven't read Sophie's amazing fic about it, do that now).

I noticed these symptoms of Curtain's mostly in season 1, where Curtain started out as a seemingly confident and calm evil mastermind behind the Emergency and then became increasingly anxious and upset the more he lost control. You could also argue the way the Institute is governed by so many rules designed to not look like rules and Curtain's extreme need for control and orderliness are also signs of OCD or anxious tendencies. (and his anxiety and frustration when that control and order is disrupted, such a when he screams at his stenographer that "every minor detail" matters).

In my fic, I do a few examples of Curtain experiencing intrusive and negative thought patterns and using control to try and cope with that, but since it's not a disorder I've been diagnosed with or symptoms I personally experience, I try to keep it within Nathaniel's canon concerns (his fear of failure, being abandoned by his friends and family, his paranoia and mistrust of others especially when he's investigating the kids in season 1 and assumes Nicholas came to the island to mock him).

There's also a scene where Curtain makes SQ believe that his friend Reynie is only trying to take advantage of him, and while it's an example of Curtain letting his own anxieties and fears overshadow what's best for his son, I really try to write in an way that emphasizes that Curtain does believe he is doing the right thing and protecting him, even if he's not doing it correctly. While I mostly focus on his anxiety and OCD symptoms and tendencies in season 1 (because that's when they are emphasized the most), you could also argue he has them a bit towards the end of season 2 as well, but I also think that might be RSD related, which I'll talk about later.

I have also considered possibly exploring more about his relationship with Nicholas especially within the context of my head canon of Nicholas having ADHD and Nathaniel having OCD, because I've had those kind of relationships irl, and sometimes it's balanced really well, because the person with OCD is usually better at executive functioning while the person with ADHD can provide distraction from negative thoughts and reassurance/emotional support, and those are the kinds of relationships I've had that have worked really well. However, I've also had relationships, mostly with roommates, where things just don't match up; they want a roommate with a certain level of cleanliness that follows a steady and predictable routine they can plan around (when you shower, when you bring guests over, etc.) and I just can't live like that and it's no fun getting bullied and nagged all the time and it's also no fun living with someone who is messy and unpredictable, so I can understand why in a situation where both these things were happening, Nicholas leaving created very complicated feelings for both of them.

I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to explore that more in flashbacks or maybe in season 2 when they spend more time together, but it is an interesting dynamic. And just like I said with Nicholas' ASD head canon, while I have some personal experience with OCD and anxiety through friends and family members, I don't have it myself, so I'm curious to know what people with OCD and anxiety think about this head canon and whether it's an accurate or positive one (because even though Nathaniel does grow and change, he's still an antagonist for most of the series especially in season 1), and if any of you guys think that it's a problematic head canon, or does more harm than good, please let me know.

It's also worth pointing out the Nicholas does have some anxious tendencies as well (this has been mentioned by several people in the fandom, and also Nicholas and Nathaniel are identical twins, so it is likely they'd have similar neurotypes), but he also has a better emotional support system than Nathaniel does, so it's likely easier for him to manage his anxiety in a healthy way vs. Nathaniel relying on control. I'd be interested in hearing what people with OCD and anxiety think about this and whether it could apply to both twins.

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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) symptoms:

BPD Symptoms: Since BPD is a less known disorder, I'll first explain that it's a personality disorder (PD) with 9 symptoms (you need 5 symptoms for diagnosis, which leaves 256 possible types of BPD) and it's often linked to some form of abandonment related childhood trauma (a parent leaving, dying, being emotionally distant or abusive, etc.). I will say I was on the fence about this one, and debated including it in my post at all, because I want to acknowledge that head canoning a character, especially a villain character, with a PD can be stereotyping and problematic if not done correctly (though there are many villain characters who have been head cannoned as having BPD by people with BPD (pwBPD) including Anakin from Star Wars, Catra from She-Ra, and Azula from ATLA).

Additionally, I'm also not someone diagnosed with PD, and wouldn't make head canons unless I thought it could be positive or accurate representation. And I think season 2 Nathaniel might qualify for that. Maybe, it's a little complicated. My experience with PDs and BPD comes from knowing people with it irl, but specifically older people with BPD (older than 45), who tend to present differently than younger people because they are on average less likely to have received mental health help or a diagnosis when they were younger and the relationships and goals you have and prioritize at 60 are not the same as the ones you had at 25. I specify season 2 Nathaniel when I talk about his BPD symptoms, mostly because that was when I noticed them. Going into season 2, I did not have BPD in mind as a head canon for him at all. But watching season 2, there were a lot of his scenes where I found myself saying "this looks familiar" and "wait...are they trying to portray BPD in an older person?" and then I realized that when you took out a DSM checklist and looked back at the character...he does fit the criteria pretty well.

However, just fitting a set of DSM criteria doesn't mean a character is good representation, and even accurate representation can still be stereotypical representation (*cough cough* Number Two's mom). Whether Nathaniel could be considered good BPD rep is a difficult question to answer for a couple reasons. The first is because characters with PDs are often stereotyped as villains and antagonists, and while Nathaniel is a sympathetic, likeable, and ultimately redeemed antagonist, he's still an antagonist (not as much of an antagonist as Anakin "the women and children too" Skywalker, a BPD head canon often made by individuals with BPD (plus more about his symptoms here)), but still an antagonist. And while people with BPD have head canoned antagonists as also having BPD, these are usually well-loved antagonists with popular and clear redemption arcs, and Nathaniel's book counterpart (who, for the record DOES NOT have any mental health disorder he's just awful) is very different from his character in the show. So even if Nathaniel is good BPD rep, if someone unfamiliar with how different the MBS show and books are sees the head canon and applies it to the book character on accident, it could leave them with a very false and negative view of the disorder. You could argue this could also easily happen with Nathaniel's anxiety head canon and his control issues, and it could, but anxiety isn't generally vilified nearly as much as PDs.

But on the other hand, I could also see where Nathaniel's BPD could be a positive head canon, and there were a lot of things about it that I really liked. BPD has slowly started to get more positive rep in the media and in the world of psychology in general, but stories with themes of self-improvement where the pwBPD is portrayed in a positive light are still normally reserved for younger people (20s/30s/early 40s) and people without kids. When older pwBPD, especially untreated or undiagnosed individuals and especially individuals with kids are shown in media or talked about in psychology...let's just say it's not great. Now, obviously untreated mental health symptoms can negatively effect the people around you and cause serious damage after so many years, but the lack of positive growth stories about older pwBPD has always bothered me because it completely ignores any good qualities they have, or even the possibility of getting help later in life, and I hate seeing people that I love consistently talked about and portrayed so negatively not just in media but in the field of psychology in general. I also think it's a bit ageist to say that young people can get help for their mental health disorders and improve, but that it's too late for older adults.

That's why I love so much of what they did with Nathaniel's character. They didn't dismiss the impact his symptoms had on his family and SQ, but they also didn't completely blame it all on his BPD symptoms (in fact, in season 1, his anxiety symptoms seemed to be the main focus). They also established very early on that Nathaniel was a redeemable and sympathetic character and wasn't meant to be a copy of his book counterpart (Reynie's 1x8 speech about how Curtain is a good person). Additionally, once his BPD symptoms were more present in season 2, that was when Nathaniel became more likeable in the eyes of the fandom, not less likeable, and I really like that they did that. For as much as we make jokes about hitting Curtain with his golf cart and hating him, I've also seen a lot of people talk about reluctantly coming around to loving his character as they've rewatched Season 2, and I was one of them for sure. I loved that they showed how silly and fun his character was, and how yeah, he's not thinking clearly and is actively committing crimes, but really all he wants is a world where he is loved and has his family with him, he doesn't actually want to hurt anyone. Then there's the fact that his narcolepsy trigger is vulnerability and how that could connect to his self-image, and the fact that the society kids have trauma linked to abandonment that could led to the development of BPD later and how that connects to themes of healing generational trauma (also side note: children can't have a BPD diagnosis so while the kids do have abandonment related traumas and you can draw parallels there, you can't head canon them with BPD to mirror Nathaniel the same way you can head canon other diagnosis between the adults and kids, like with Nicholas and SQ both having autism).

However, the positive aspects of Nathaniel as a BPD character ironically can also be seen as a bad thing, because on the one hand, it's nice to see an older person with possible BPD getting a self-improvement story arc and sympathetic portrayal, but on the other hand: the show was cancelled. And that was really upsetting to me, especially because becoming "a good guy" didn't completely remove Nathaniel's BPD or anxiety symptoms, but they showed him dealing with them in a more healthy way with a support system, and that's such a great message, and we have so little representation of that, so I'm glad they hinted at that...but they totally could have done more with it, and I'm so sad that they can't now because it's a message that does not go unappreciated.

For writing Nathaniel's BPD symptoms into my fic, this is a bit complicated, because while Nathaniel does have a lot of canon symptoms (abandonment related fears, mood swings, moments of anger, unstable relationships, impulsive career change and self identity between seasons, etc.), and I really don't need to add anything, it's still a matter of debate whether it's good representation or not, and I could see people interpreting his character a number of ways. So while I sticking to canon, I still leave things ambiguous. For example, there's a scene in my fic where Curtain admits he doesn't have a stable identity because he avoids vulnerability. You could say that's also due to BPD/unstable self-image or you could say it's entirely due to his canon narcolepsy trigger. It's up to you whether you want the BPD rep there or not, because I've reviewed posts and tips written by people with BPD about writing representation, and recognize that while Nathaniel fits the DSM criteria pretty well and the show focuses a lot on his abandonment issues and symptoms, he is still an antagonist for most of the series. A likable and ultimately redeemed antagonist, but still an antagonist, which means the plot of the show and my fic, while it's ultimately driving him to redemption, still require him do some pretty bad antagonistic things regardless of whether they are directly connected to any symptoms that he has (consider this your warning), and I can see why that aspect of it might be a turn off, which is why I leave the rep open to the interpretation of the reader.

As I mentioned, there are 256 possible types of BPD, I don't expect that everyone with BPD would relate to Nathaniel, and this is also generally a younger fandom (teens/20s/30s) and a big reason I like Nathaniel's rep is because he's portraying what I've seen in older as opposed to younger people with BPD, so it's possible someone with BPD looking at this character would either see it more as a representation of an older family member (because these things do run in families) or wouldn't be able to relate to him. But I'd still be curious to know what people with BPD think about this head canon and whether they agree that's what's being represented here and if so, whether it was done accurately or positively, and just like with other head canons, if any of you guys think that this head canon is problematic or does more harm than good, please let me know.

I'd also be curious to know what people think about Nicholas possibly also having BPD, because he did grow up in an orphanage and his adoptive parents don't seem to be around anymore. He also seems convinced that his friends will leave him whenever he makes a mistake, which...again it could be the anxiety, it could be that both twins have BPD...it could go a number of ways.

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RSD and CSD:

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD): I know anxiety is also a popular Nicholas head canon, but I did want to mention the ways that I see Nicholas' flavor of anxiety as very RSD oriented. For those that don't know what RSD is, it's when you experience severe emotional pain because of failure or being rejected, and it's often related to ADHD. In my personal experience, it's a lot worse when you feel like you've messed up in a moral sense, done something wrong, hurt someone, or let someone down, especially when the other person assumes that you have malicious intentions, or did something on purpose. You just feel like you want to delete every memory of what happened or destroy yourself to make it go away. It can also happen in response to constructive criticisms too if the person still feels that they really messed up or hurt someone.

I see a lot of RSD/anxious tendencies in Nicholas, specifically in response to what he did to Nathaniel, but also at the thought of something happening to the children or his friends and it being his fault for creating the Sender and dragging them into this. This is also supported by the fact that Nicholas' anxiety seemed to go up a lot after 1x03 when he finds out Nathaniel is the Sender and he has his little breakdown in the woods. Obviously he's always been anxious about the operation in general, who wouldn't be, but once he realizes he might have himself to blame if things go wrong or if one of the children gets hurt, that's when the anxiety really starts to come. Again, you can feel free to disagree with this head canon and I could see Nicholas having anxiety in other situations as well, but as someone with ADHD-I who head canons Nicholas that way, this was something I picked up on.

Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria (CSD): I talked about RSD with Nicholas and how it's common in ADHD-I, but RSD is common in other disorders too, and Curtain definitely has it, but I think he has something else as well. A little phenomena I also experience on occasion, which I have named "Compliment Sensitivity Dysphoria" (not a clinical term, my own term). I don't know if it's a thing other people with ADHD-I experience, or maybe just those of us who have a family history of other stuff and it's a combination of things that's causing it, but basically, it's the opposite of RSD. With RSD, you get one negative comment, you want to destroy yourself, but with CSD, you get complimented once, you develop a God complex.

I know I talked about the show's focus switching from looking at Nathaniel's anxiety symptoms in season 1 to his BPD symptoms in season 2, but something else changes between seasons 1 and 2 and that's the characters surrounding Nathaniel. In Season 1, he's getting criticized by Garrison, Nicholas tells him off at the end, his son is disobeying him, and he feels attacked. Season 2, everybody praises his every move all the time, leaving him open to CSD. Now speaking from personal experience, the CSD God complex thing is very fun, but you gotta watch out for those pesky consequences™️ because if you don't, the RSD will come back worse than you could ever imagine, so you need to look out (which, obviously, our poor Nathaniel did not do). I also love the way he apologizes at the end: "I might have been going about things the wrong way (nearly froze thousands of people including my own family) so let's just go now and never talk about it again because if I reflect on the bad things I did I will self-destruct so let's all just move on now thank you :)" absolutely iconic. Accountability king right there.

----------------------------

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD):

For those who don't know what maladaptive daydreaming is, I'll admit, I'm not as active with the MADD tumblr community (it does exist though) and you can google it, but if you've ever paced around or stimmed while listening to music and zoning about thinking about fictional characters, that's basically what that is, but it's only technically considered maladaptive if done to an unhealthy degree, but obviously what constitutes an "unhealthy degree" is a more vaguely defined area. MADD is incredibly common in people with ADHD (specifically, ADHD-Inattentive type), but it's also very common in OCD, ASD, and personality disorders as well.

MADD presents differently in different people, but in my experience, the dancing and stimming to repetitive or happy music is the format that tends to trigger the most euphoria. Which is interesting for someone like Nicholas, because having a form of narcolepsy that causes him to pass out when he feels real joy means he wouldn't have had the chance to experience MADD like that, until he's given the artificial happiness by Curtain. And once Curtain does? Nicholas is cheerfully pacing around his apartment (I think I commented somewhere on a live blog that it looked like MADD), and then there's the whole "dance party in the field scene", big MADD vibes there.

MADD also has an overlap with ASD (hence the stimming and motor stereotypy that often happens during the daydreaming), and OCD (because both involve repetitive and uncontrollable thoughts, it's just that the thoughts associated with MADD are fun and addictive thoughts instead of distressing ones. But they can still be harmful if taken to an extreme).

Again, clinically, I'm not sure if Nicholas has enough instances to be "diagnosed" with MADD, but those scenes in season 2 had the vibes going so I just thought I'd mention it. Also, a canonically autistic character that I (and many others) head canon with MADD is Abed Nadir from "Community" if you are interested in looking for another example of MADD in someone with autism.

Finally, you can maybe make the argument that Curtain has MADD as well, or at least one instance of it.

Again, I wouldn't say the MADD aspect is overly focused on in Nicholas or Nathaniel, but it's common in OCD, ASD, ADHD, and PDs (all of which tend to run together in families), and Nathaniel's Stand Back Dance had the vibe going for sure. Between moving across the world between seasons, getting a new career, and doing his little dance, the man was entering his Rebecca Bunch era (and if you don't know who that is, Rebecca Bunch is a pretty well known canon BPD representation from the tv show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and I've seen a lot of people head canon her with maladaptive daydreaming as well. She's also likely going to be Nathaniel's competition if he makes into the theater kid showdown, so for reference here's a clip of her experiencing RSD).

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Finally, since these are all disorders I know a lot about, I'm happy to answer any questions (as long as you keep it respectful and no ableist. Remember the RSD), and if you feel like any of these head canons are harmful and/or problematic, please let me know (mostly concerned about Nathaniel's head canons since he's a bad guy, but if you think Nicholas' head canons are problematic as well, feel free to message about those too. Again, remembering that I did this with the best of intentions and also the RSD).

Also, since the Benedict brothers are identical twins, and you could argue they both had signs of all the disorders, which all tend to run together in families anyway, so if you want to skip the DSM technicalities and what's popular in fandom and throw up your hands and say "they both have ASD/ADHD/OCD/BPD" it's a head canon, it can be whatever I want!" then know that I fully support you in that quest.

And for those who might not be as familiar with one or more of these disorders, or didn't realize they had such a strong genetic overlap and are interested in learning more, I have resources for that too!

Misdiagnosis Monday has some great charts of symptom overlap. I include some below.

[lucieldreams]

hii, im luciel ( lu, luci or ciel ) ! i made this account to vent and share my feelings as well as support others. i will post triggering things so of course, if you easily feel anxious or unhappy, my account is not for you. please block me, not report. talking about my feelings is a good outlet for me.

here are some things about me:

🌷 i am 17 years old and my birthday is june 6th

🌷 i use they/she pronouns

🌷 some of my favourite things are animals, fantasy genre, food and sleeping

🌷 i have been professionally diagnosed with major depressive disorder (mdd), autism spectrum disorder (asd), generalised and social anxiety disorder (gad and sad) and post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd).

please don't interact if you romanticise or glorify self harm, mental illness, physical illnesses and/or trauma. otherwise, this is a safe space.

if you have any questions or any advice, please don't be afraid to use the ask box. i'll answer them within reason. thank you!

[auschizm]

thank you so much for creating this blog, it means a lot :,)

i'm diagnosed with autism but also experience multiple psychotic symptoms. i also really identify with schizoid traits and seem to fit the diagnostic criteria, but i've been told by three different psychologists that asd and szpd can't be diagnosed together because the "social detachment from szpd can be explained by autism." do you have any resources that suggest otherwise, so i can prove them wrong? /nf

I am not an academic, and this project is not about doing research/science or proving the psychiatric field right or wrong in any sense. But I can tell you that the reason why autism and schizo spec disorders are in some cases not diagnosed together is because there is so much overlap that they can be hard to tell apart/that telling them apart could seem redundant to some professionals, and that it isn't because they are actually mutually exclusive experiences. There are already lots of scientific documentation on the overlaps between the autism spectrum and the schizo spectrum actually, it's just that I'm not an academic and debating the details of diagnostic criteria is not what I'm here to do. I'm just here to create a space for everyone living on the intersection of the autism spectrum and the schizo spectrum, because there are many of us regardless of how the psychiatric system handles/defines that fact

[ahopelessprincessreincarnation]

Hey there, my name(or more so an internet alias currently at the very least)is Emanuel Marco aka Daniel, Julian or Edgar and welcome to my official alternative and somewhat not-exactly-secretive more diary-type internet journal space known as my blog on my brand new Tumblr Dot Com blog(aka where you are right now). I am a teenager and soon to be adult in my real physical life that's not on the interwebs, but I feel more as if I am some sort of childish adult, or atleast have felt grown up for awhile now due to stress. I guess you could say I'm "mature for my age" but that's barely the case to be honest with you and besides, I've sort of come to associate that term with creepy older men attempting to chat inappropriately in private direct messaging or whatever. Lmfao anyways, while I do want to keep my age a little vague for the reasoning being of an attempt at interweb safety(despite how far too late it seems considering other stuff at the moment), what I can say more in depth is that I am a neurodivergent person who is professionally diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum along with ADHD. I am considering that I may have other neurological conditions/disorders but I don't really know or care too much at the moment, by the way, I am also a white-latino who is bilingual in both English and Latin-American Spanish despite how I may struggle with the language along with attempting to reconnect with apart of my culture. I am an LGBTQIAPlus/Queer community member and supporter of other identities that I may not even fall under completly, though specifically I am a genderfluid bisexual aceflux person who uses both he/she pronouns(please don't use they for me unless I specifically asked to, thank you). I used to identify as a transgender male(ftm)but due to realizing the amount of harm being inflicted on women of both cis and trans due to violence and misogyny, I thought the most correct thing to do morally would be to stop being such and to instead just lean into more masculine types of gendernonconformity(I am still pretty feminine though so it's just an idea I guess lol(Please know that there's nothing inherently wrong with transitioning from female to male or something male-ajacent or whatever, I know it's probably more complex than just "all men are bad" like no duh but still, it's been really hurting my heart that I could possibly be giving off the idea that misandry is real or something roflmao. Sorry if that explanation is stupid, but I'm not the best at phrasing stuff sometimes♡).

For what I am going to be posting on here, it's probably gonna be different from my main page and other social media platforms but at the very least I wanna keep my alternative/side-blog more clean and organized when it comes to my interests and other stuff relating to my thoughts and ideas for different types of subject matters. While I am am an admittedly mostly digital artist and animator who intends to make more stuff involving my inspirations such as making more gay yuri anime and bara yaoi manga style graphic novels/comics, I want to use my alternative page/side blog to write not only fictional stories involving my original characters and even fanfiction, but also stuff about my life almost as if they were written storytime videos that would usually he formatted visually on my YouTube Channel. To be honest with you, I've been looking more into stuff involving the subjects of alterhumanity, soulbonding, therianthropy, fictionkin and just otherkin over all on here atleast. I don't know how much more I can possibly explain without falling asleep since it's night where I am on the planet Earth at the moment, so this is probably just gonna remain as a temporary pin but please keep in mind that updates are probably going to come soon♡.

I know nowadays on the interwebs and most public mainstream social media platforms, users usually put some sort of "before you follow" and "do not interact" criteria as a set of boundaries specific for those who want to support their account and become mutuals with them. Since I want to avoid any sort of needless drama situations or scenarios involving meaningless discourse, I am just going to leave my simple requests here for those who care enough to read through my little ideas of what I consider to call my own boundaries♡:

•Obviously, first and foremost, please just be normal as you would not using the computer or phone infront of you which means...use basic common sense and maybe possibly even kindness perhaps I don't even know anymore. This specifically means no racism, xenophobia, ableism, queerphobia/LGBTQIAPhobia and so on. If I do something that's considered any of the above, I can assure you that it was an accident and to please educate me on whatever I have done that may be offensive or wrong since I recognize I do have certain privilege♡.

•Secondly, please do not come to me if you support problematic fictional media or internet communities such as lolicons/shotacons/kodocons, radqueers, pro-paraphiles, fujoshis/fudanshis or himejoshis/himedanshis, proshippers/comshippers/profiction/darkshippers or whatever other name these groups go by nowadays atleast or enjoyers/condoners of feral nsfw content. I am against these groups due to the harrassment, sexualization/fetishization and grooming that runs rampant in these specific internet spaces though please don't attack any minor users in these communities. Many of the younger ones are traumatized children who don't have many healthy coping mechanisms and while these habits should absolutely not be encouraged, they still should be guided and helped into the right direction by others who know better atleast♡.

•Thirdly, If you are apart of other insensitive and hurtful groups such as endogenic/non-traumagenic "systems"(that's not how being a system works dummy), if you support mspec lesbians or male-lesbians aka "lesboys"(you literally cannot be attracted to men while being a lesbian or be a man and also identify as a lesbian so please stop making non-men loving women and the rest of the LGBTQIAPlus community look bad because you're literally just scared to admit you're straight or bisexual or something I don't know???) and others who use marginalized communities in order to hurt others by disregarding their concerns♡.

•Fourth, my last but not least important request, is for you to leave my alternative/side-blog(and other social media platforms if you know who I am yet somehow)if you support the unneeded cyberbullying towards those who may seem "cringeworthy" but in reality are harmless and at worst cheesy on their own(Examples being neopronoun/xenogender users, alterhumans/therians/fictionkin/otherkin/soulbonders etc or furries and cosplayers). Humanity can be very beautiful when using all of our differences for good and not for evil, otherwise we end up creating a very ugly and nasty pathetic excuse of a community for us all to reside in. We all have a story to tell, whether we're comfortable sharing or not and at the very least we should attempt to be understanding of others despite how cheesy such a thing sounds I know. Just please bare with me here)♡.

So it seems I've gotten atleast almost all thw words of what my brain wanted me to pour out onto the screen as I sometimes carry concepts that are hard to explain with me even through textpost lol. For those who care, my DMs are open 24/7 though sometimes I may not be motivated to reply exactly on time(again, please bare with me here. I know it sounds dumb but still-), now I'm gonna be signing off until something pops into my mind and makes me attempt to come up with a coherent post again, yours truly ~AHopelessPrincessReincarnation.

(P.S:Thank you to the kind internet strangers on here who have happened to wander onto my post somehow[maybe through the tags listed below]and were able to read through my whole, long and crushed up pinned introductory textpost. It means a lot to me that certain people on here are interested in what I have to say, so your support is very much not only appreciated but cherished! You all really do rock)♡.

Have a great day or night wherever you may be in the world right now and please never be afraid to check in and stay tuned for more>:]♡.