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#i am planning to go to bed soon if i get the motivation to stop looking at all these fandom posts 😭
permanentreverie ¡ 1 year
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hi friend!! it's swiftie love letter night and i just wanted to drop a little message saying how much i love seeing you on my dash + all our convos + love seeing what you're reading! 🤍 hope you're having a good evening! x
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mwah mwah i love you!!!!! i love seeing YOU on my dash and seeing what YOUVE been up and been reading <3 <3
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movedtoadifferentspace ¡ 1 month
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i shifted last night for the first time in 2 years. . .
MOVED TO @kodtheshiftinggodd !
📌 — QUICK RUNDOWN OF MY SHIFTING JOURNEY
umm so i started on shifttok ( unfortunately) back in like november of 2021, i was shifting to naruto. during like 2021-2022 i had experienced a lot of shifts, ranging from weird realities i didn’t plan on going to, only being there for a few moments, not realizing i was there even though i was there for over an hour, and literally shifting while doing dishes. 🧍
sometime in like the summer of 2022 i stopped shifting doing to being in a relationship with this really cringy dude… who like thought i would disappear out of thin air… if i shifted… ( and some shifttok drama that i got brought into, that’s a whole other story if you wanna hear that, the rundown is i got randomly outcasted bc i had BPD and autistic traits ( literally what they said ) ) yeah not my finer moment. anyways, i also just lost a lot of motivation for it. i still hated this reality but i don’t know, shifting just, idk. it took me just a few months ago to realize that the shifttok mean girls who outcasted me, made me feel like i didn’t deserve to shift in some way. ( when i realized that, i realized how fucking stupid that was )
and so i’ve been really reevaluating my journey, spent a lot of time of shiftblr instead of shifttok, even started my own discord to get rid of misinfo!!! which by the way shiftblr has helped me change my mindset SO MUCH! like i’ve been literally a ghost on here but i adore ya’ll so much !!and basically i feel really confident about shifting. i’ve shifted every time i tried, even though it was a very short shift, i have been practicing manifestation, LOA, & meditation and yeah here we are !
🐇 — THE SHIFT ITSELF
so i read something last night on shiftblr, it’ll be linked here, i already was/am in the mindset of “if i try to shift i’m going to fucking shift” like it doesn’t matter to me anymore, i’m doing it. instead of trying every night, i’ve been focused on trying on weekends when i have no responsibilities and such. though throughout this week i have been practicing my meditation/reaching the void state. SO i saw that post and honestly… i wasn’t really like looking to shift, it was a very impromptu thing. i put on a subliminal [ the one i used ] and i went to bed. i was thinking about one my alt realities a better cr though i hate the term better cr where i live in Oregon, and I am a tattoo apprentice, Levi Ackerman from AOT is the one I am apprenticing for. this is really based on me learning how to tattoo and not having to spend time with the AOT cast while also fighting titans and save the world. while that is great, I wanted something chill SO YEAH. I fell asleep to thinking about that… and I shifted. not to that reality but a weird parallel/version of it?
I did this with my first ever shift too. it was almost like a dreamlike reality, but only subtly. soooo I did reality checks.. and it for sure wasn’t a dream. I lived in the apartment above the shop ( which isn’t what i scripted ) and I went down and just went to work with Levi, Hange, and Zeke. I was really on edge though, like “omg i shifted” “i’m literally talking to Levi wtf” like i had no time to process or ground myself so i ended up coming back. but yeah. that’s what happened and i’m determined to get to this ALT reality. ( not in a rushed way, but a ‘i know im going to get there soon’ way )
anyways, that’s my first ever shiftblr post ahhh xxxx
creds to @jolynesmom for their post that i found
ALSO ANY TIPS WILL BE WONDERFUL, i’m literally always looking for things to improve my journey <3 or new things to try at least
happy shifting <3
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hulhudhonado ¡ 1 year
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So I Heard A Rumor...
Synopsis: You promised Kaeya drinks, he promised to be your wingman so you can finally ask his brother, Diluc, on a date. However your plan comes crashing when rumor comes out that you would be buying drinks for all the knights. You also just can't seem to get rid of this bard who keeps singing songs to you. Will you achieve your chance to ask your dream man out? Let's find out.
CW: ALCOHOL, OTHER THAN DILUC NO ONE IS GOING TO BE SOBER, minor swearing, Venti is a bit clingy too
HC: Reader is gender-neutral, Reader does not have a vision, Reader works as a knight, Reader is very clearly in love with Diluc (lol)
Characters: Diluc, Kaeya, Venti, Jean, Mentions of Favonious knights and Traveller (Honorary Knight)
Note: Going to apologise in advance because I have no idea how alcohol works as I am not a drinker and don't plan to. I clown on Diluc a lot because my friend is obsessed with him however funnily enough he is the character I have the most ideas with. I'm talking angst, fluff, comfort, everything. Anyway enjoy this cringe fest! Please make sure to like, comment or reblog the post. It helps it reach a wider audience and motivates me to write more silly stuff like this. Enjoy!
。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
The current situation was far from ideal. Tonight was supposed to be the night you finally dared to ask Diluc out on a date. However, right now you were surrounded by drunken knights who wouldn’t stop singing along with an even more drunk bard who had his whole body wrapped around you. You could see Diluc seething at the bar, his fist clenched on the glass so tight you were certain it would break any minute now.
Backtracking to how you have ended up in this situation, it all started because of a rumour. Whispers among the crowd saying Donna was going to make her move soon. You couldn’t allow this, you had loved Diluc since his days as a knight! Sure you never dared to confess this entire time but Donna barely had any history with this man compared to you! She had a long way to go to get to your level. However, it didn’t help that Diluc was a bachelor and a perfect one at that. Even if Donna did or didn’t make her move, someone else might snatch him up sooner or later. It didn’t help that the honorary knight seemed to have become close to him as well. You need to act fast.
So you made a deal with Kaeya, if anyone was going to help you it had to be him. When you first told him about your crush he burst out laughing, before realising you were serious.
“Wait shit for real?” He asked, dumbfounded. You nod, trying not to be embarrassed. He stared at you like you had just said the most unbelievable thing. In Kaeya’s defence, you did say the most outrageous thing imaginable. He knew Diluc was considered a hot target in the single’s market, but for you to also fall for his charms? A shocking revelation.
“Are you going to help me or not?” You ask, now impatient. You didn’t have time to let him make fun of you for liking his brother, someone could be seducing him right now! Kaeya blinked at you in disbelief. However, his face soon shifted to a shit-eating grin. You groaned, instantly regretting your decision. “If you’re not then I’m going to ask someone else ok?!” You exclaim, annoyed and try your best not to give him more reason to make fun of you.
“Nah nah! You came to the right place! I’ll help, I'm an amazing wingman!” He laughed. You shushed him, you didn’t want anyone else to know about this and Kaeya tried his best to hold in his laughter but chuckles and giggles could not stop escaping this man. “Just buy me a couple of drinks and I’ll make sure you both end up in bed together by the end of the night!” He teased, which only made you groan.
That was the plan, you buy him drinks and he would help you look good enough for Diluc to swoon over you. However, for some reason, word got out and suddenly the whole knight team was out and about ready to get drinks from you.
“Wow, aren't you generous? Paying for the knights to drink as much as they want!” Swan chuckled. You didn’t know how it ended up like this, even Kaeya shrugged at you confused. Somehow word got out that you would be paying for ALL the knights to drink until they passed out. It had gotten so big that even Jean decided to join in.
“Well, the knights barely have time to come together and have fun, so I couldn’t miss this.” She smiled at you and that stopped you from calling the whole thing off because there was no way you could say no to Jean.
So now here you were, at Angel Share, drunk knights singing and playing games at the bar. You chugged down on a bottle of wine, feeling like absolute shit. Not only were you going to have to pay for all this but right now you were the worst offender in Diluc’s eyes. Dragging all the knights here and ruining his shift. All you wanted to do was confess but instead, you ended up creating the worst environment for any love to happen.
Finally the damn bard on your lap. You don’t know how he got into this but he was drinking off your tab as well. He was so grateful for your generosity that he decided the best way to show it was by singing tunes dedicated to you while sitting on your lap. He had one arm wrapped over your neck, which strummed the lyre in his hands. He was wrapped around you like spaghetti on a fork. It didn’t help that Diluc could see this man sit on your lap while singing tunes about how wonderful you were.
So right now in Diluc’s eyes, you were, a drunk who wastes their money on alcohol, loves to bring chaos to environments, and also a flirt who has no shame in doing PDA with strangers.  The least ideal person to date. You avoided any eye contact with Diluc, you could not face him at this point. You turned to look at Kaeya who was completely out of it. He had drunk so much that he was pretty much passed out just a couple of minutes ago.
‘So much for being a wingman…’ you thought, but honestly speaking in this situation, if Kaeya spoke up it would have probably ended up worse. You looked at the time, seeing how it was almost 12. The bar was set to close soon and Diluc would begin to kick out the knights. Finally, this terror would end and you could go back to your house to cry yourself to sleep. You were smart enough to call the next day off. you hoped whoever spread the rumour had a terrible hangover tomorrow while working the next day. They deserved it.
As you continued to curse the people who spread these twisted rumours, the bard decided to speak up after chugging down another glass. “You seem down my friend! Another song will cheer you up!” He laughed, stringing his lyre once more ready for another song. Cheers of knights could be heard across the bar, hyping him up for another. You sighed, placing a hand on the lyre and putting it down. “No no, I think we had enough songs for tonight. Let’s end the night guys.” You say, trying to stand up while carrying the bard bridal style.
As you tried to stand up, the bard whined trying to shake you off. You underestimating how drunk you were couldn’t carry his weight anymore, especially when he was moving around. You tried to steady yourself but the bard would not stop squirming leading you to slip and fall down. Making sure the bard didn’t hit the floor, and get hurt you shifted your body so you would land on the ground instead, your back hitting flat on the floor while the bard fell on top of you to soften his fall.
The bard whined, resting his head on your chest while you had your grip him to make sure he didn’t get hurt during the fall. The crack of glass could be heard in an instance. Everyone turned towards the sound to see that Diluc had in fact, shattered the glass he was cleaning the entire night.
“Out.” He said. The aura in the tavern immediately turned grim. Knights anxiously made their way out the door, saying their goodbyes to you. Jean carried Kaeya on her back, giving you a weak drunk smile before heading out as well. The bard clearly didn't get the clue as he had passed out on top of you.
Diluc was mad and it was all your fault. You could feel the tears come out. It especially didn’t help that you were drunk out of your mind, unable to hold back your emotions. You gently pushed the bard off you, trying to stand up. At this point, the only people left were you, Diluc, and the passed-out bard. 
You mumble sorry, trying to get up while tears continue to flow down your face. Unable to see clearly made it a bit of a struggle to get up, it also prevented you from noticing Diluc who had somehow made his way to you. You jolted up, almost falling over once more, but he caught you before another slip occurred. His arm wrapped your waist gently, steadying you up. You could feel yourself heat up.
“You have to be careful. Here.” He mumbled, guiding you to sit down. You were shocked he had not kicked you out honestly. You looked at him teary-eyed as he pulled out a handkerchief from his apron, dapping your tears away.
“You can sit here and wait until I close. I’ll drop you off afterward. “ He exclaimed, placing the cloth in your hands. “Oh no you don’t have to, I need to drop off the bard home first.” You say, your hands gripping on the cloth ever so tightly. You didn’t dare to stay with Diluc, especially after how terrible the night went. You wanted to leave as soon as possible but the minute you mentioned the bard you could see Diluc halt.
His gaze turned cold as he glared at the unconscious bard on the floor. He walked towards him, picking the bard up from the scruff of his clothes and heading towards the door. He tossed the bard out like trash before dusting his hands off. “Venti can figure out his way to get home. You're unsteady and drunk, so I’m taking you home myself.” You had no escape now. Muttering an ok, you put your head down trying to feel as small as you could.
Were you such a mess that Diluc didn’t think you were capable enough to get home? You were still a knight! Sure you weren’t an honorary knight but you were one, and a decent one at that. You could feel your thoughts spiral but it always leads to the same conclusion. Diluc would never like you back and probably felt pity for you.
You didn’t know how long you were lost in your thoughts, before Diluc spoke up. “I’m done, let’s get going.” He said. You try to answer but the alcohol finally seems to be in your system because you couldn't force yourself to say coherent words. You groan which only made Diluc sigh.
He lifted you from your seat, making you wrap your arm around his neck. He wrapped his arm around your waist once more and held onto your arm with his hand. You immediately could feel the heat from his body. You were already sweating because of the alcohol but now with his heat on your side, you could almost feel your skin burn. You whine, trying to push him away a bit but his grip on you was firm. You look him directly in the eyes. Big mistake.
He had the same poker face he usually had but for some reason, stars were dancing in his eyes tonight. Was he always this beautiful? You weren’t sure if the alcohol was playing tricks on your mind because you couldn’t believe how stunning this man looked. Looking carefully at his face you could see light scars scattered around his jaw. His cheeks were decorated with slight freckles. You couldn't believe how close you were to even notice them.
You weren’t sure what came over you but it was too late to stop the words from spilling out of your mouth. “I’m in love with you.” You stared at him before suddenly realising what you had just said. You can’t believe you had just said that. You wanted to take it back, your brain was wrecking up on excuses to say to him.
‘It’s a joke’ or ‘I didn’t mean to say that’ or even an ‘I meant it for someone else’. Your brain kept thinking of various things you could say but nothing would spill out. So here you were mouth gaping open, begging yourself to say something.
Diluc sighed, and you could feel your heart shatter. “Let’s take you home.” You didn’t argue, letting him drag you back to your house. You could feel yourself fall asleep on the way. You gave up in defeat. At least you were off the next day, you would be able to drown in your sorrows tomorrow.
As you tried to comfort yourself, you felt yourself drift off asleep. You could hear Diluc speak but the words wouldn’t register, you needed to escape from him for a bit.
—
You woke up on your bed, you turned to look out the window to see that it was still clearly night. You groan, sitting up on your bed. Your room was dark but you could see a light peeking under the door of your room, the living room light was still on. You groggily walk out of the room to turn it off, only to see Diluc outside. He was in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets.
You look at him in disbelief while he turns to face you. “You ok? It’s too late to buy hangover medicine so I wanted to see if you had any stocked up.” You try to speak, only to be stopped by a cough. Your throat felt so dry, you couldn’t say a word. “Oh, drink this.” Diluc handed you a glass of water, which you chugged down in an instant.
“I was going to hand it to you with the medicine but never mind. You should go rest, I’ll leave soon.” He said, continuing his search in your cupboard. You shook your head. “You can just leave, it’s fine, I can take care of myself.” You wanted him gone as soon as possible. As domestic as it felt having him in your house taking care of you, this man rejected your confession and you didn’t have the strength to handle it at this moment.
You had a splitting headache and a broken heart and Diluc being here was not going to fix that. Diluc halted, stopping his search, you could see a frown on his face as he closed the drawers before turning to you. “Can I ask you something?” He asked, ever so quietly. He was always a silent type of guy, but even this time you could hear how vulnerable he was. The way he asked you in such a soft way made you instantly answer him without a second thought. “Go ahead.” You wanted to hit yourself, you wish you didn’t have such a soft spot for him.
“I heard a rumour, going around…” he continued. He played with his hands, fiddling them about as if he was feeling shy. You cringed at the thought, why would Diluc of all people feel shy? You were just being delusional at this point. As you contemplated your thoughts he continued. “People were saying you invited the knights out for drinks because you got engaged, is that true?” 
The cup you had in your hands dropped to the ground. You were glad it wasn’t glass because it would have shattered in an instant, and you had seen enough things shatter today. However, you honestly could not believe the words that had just come out of Diluc’s mouth. “Wait what? Are you serious?” You ask, completely thinking this was a prank. “Why would you think that? Who would even say that?” Who was spreading these rumours around? You were going to kill them.
“So it’s false?” “Of course it’s false! I’m not even dating anyone!” You exclaim, now wondering whether your confession was rejected because Diluc thought you were cheating on your nonexistent partner. 
“So you aren’t dating Venti?” “I don’t even know who that is!” You say, frustrated. You put your hands on your face, feeling annoyed. You groan into them in anger. All these stupid rumours were the reason you were here with a horrible headache and Diluc looking at you like you were scum on Earth. You wanted to crawl up into a ball and disappear right now.
“Then can you do me a favour?” Diluc spoke up, disturbing your grovelling session. You look up from your hands and stare at him sadly. “What?” You weakly ask.
“Can you confess to me again when you aren’t drunk?” You blink, unsure of what you just heard. “What?” You say, still unable to process what he had just asked you to do.
“Your confession. Say it to me when you aren’t drunk.” He said once more, looking at you with his unchanged expression. He was being deadly serious. He was asking you to confess again. “Wait wait, so you don’t hate me?” Diluc tilted his head, eyebrow raised. He seemed shocked you even said that. “Why would I ever hate you? Were people saying that?” He asked, crossing his arms, his face turned dark when he said it but you shook your head. “No no, but, does that mean you like me?” You ask, feeling sheepish.
And for the first time this entire night, you could see a small smile fall on his lips. His face softened, no longer a glare in his eyes. His cheeks rose a bit when he smiled and you were certain this smile was for you. “Ask again when you aren’t reeking of alcohol.” He retorted back playfully. “Now, off to bed, I’ll head out now. I heard that you won’t be at work tomorrow so I better hear from you soon.”
With that, he left you, alone in your house, with your thoughts full of him. You knew for a fact you were not going to be able to sleep the entire night, nor was your headache going to be fixed by any type of medicine. 
Sorry Mondstadt, but your favourite bachelor is finally going to be off the market!
—
The slight sounds of a lyre could be heard in the distance on the streets of Mondstadt. A drunk bard still singing a tune.
“Did you hear about this rumour? There is going to be love in the air soon~”
。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
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wedgieplease ¡ 6 months
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Jack's Work Wedgies
Been extra horny this week, so I decided to try my hand at a different story.
Jack groans and goes to snooze the alarm when he notices that the time reads 7:25 AM, a full 25 minutes later than he should have gotten up. 
“Fuuuuckahhhhh,” he exhaled as he stretched the drowsiness away.
“Time for another wonderful day at the office,” he muttered sarcastically as he forced himself out of bed. 
He shuffled over to his “clothes corner”, where his closet, dresser, and hamper were. 
He quickly slid off last night’s trunks as he opened his underwear and sock drawer. Reaching for a new pair, he pulled out a pair of red and white striped briefs with pink hearts on the thick waistband. 
“This’ll do,” he thought to himself as he slid them on.
He finished up with a pair of thin khaki shorts, a black polo and black socks. 
He had a quick bowl of oatmeal for breakfast and ran out the door to make it on time for work. 
When Jack finally made it to the office, He was called in to the boss’s office as soon as he clocked in. Lost in dread the whole way, he stopped at the doors. 
A shadow quickly darted from one side of the door to the other as his boss opened the door to let him in.
“Good morning, Jack, please come in,” his boss said quickly.
“Good morning Peter,” Jack responded as he stepped inside.
“You’re 10 minutes late, for the third time this week.” Peter said.
“I’m sorry boss, I must’ve-” 
“Save the excuse,” Peter cut him off, “because I don’t care. The fact is, you keep showing up late and it needs to stop. I’ve come up with an incentive to motivate you to get here on time.” 
“Peter, is that really necessary?” Jack asked.
“You haven’t even heard my plan.” Peter continued, offended, “For every ten minutes you’re late, I add one extra pull to onto the wedgie I give you that day. Understood?” 
“Really? Wedgies? We’re not in school anymore!” Jack scoffed.
“Maybe you need to go back, considering how you never learned to be on time and be prepared.” Peter taunted. 
“Great talk, thank you for coming to see me.”  Peter said as he began to escort Jack out of the office. “By the way, your shoe’s untied. You should fix that before the rest of your coworkers what a mess you are.”
“Ugh. Fine.” Jack bent down to tie it. In the process, his polo shirt untucked.
“Ow, what the hell?!” Jack straightened his back in a split second.
“”I haven’t seen undies this cute since primary school!” Peter mocked. “Ah ah ah! You’ve came in 10 minutes late three times this week. That adds up to 3 tugs!” 
“Pet-AHHH,” Jack tried to protest, but his boss gave him another firm yank. 
“You say we’re not in school anymore yet here you are showing up late with these lil boy undies.” Peter laughed.
“Oh, and by the way: say anything about our arrangement and you’re fired. Understood?” Peter gave a third yank, the heart-waistband reaching the bottom of Jack’s shoulder blade.
“Aeigh, fine, just let me get back to work.” Jack pleaded as his waistband snapped his back. 
“Going forwards, I will be rounding up the minutes, so be here on time to avoid punishment.” Peter added as he reached for the door to show his employee out.
“Do we really have to- UGH” Jack grunted as the familiar feeling of his usually-comfortable briefs becoming a thong interrupted his argument.
“I look forward to your timely arrivals moving forward,” Peter said as he practically shoved Jack into the hallway. 
Thankfully for Jack, he managed to pull his shirt down before being exposed to the open hallway. He didn’t have time to de-thong his undies, so he was forced to do the walk of shame back to his cubicle with his valentines themed undies making their way deeper into his crack. 
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peachblossom-odyssey ¡ 5 months
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So I am in love with and obsessed with your works, "How Familiar the Danger". So much so I have been reading it to my friend like an audiobook. Each work is compelling and passionate and thoroughly enjoyable. Then my heart sank when I realized it hasnt been updated since last August. Is there any hope for future updates? Do you have other plans for the story? Has it been dropped all together? If so I understand, but I think its just amazing and thank you for writing it in the first place.
Thank you, I’m so happy to hear you like it! It really does my heart good, thank you for making my day! Unfortunately my fixation on Nimona has faded right now and I’m focusing on another series atm, so as of right now I don’t plan to update anytime soon, but that will probably change if the fixation returns because I do love that au and I’m proud of it and would like to write Ballister meeting Ambrosius’ parents and Nimon meeting Ambrosius and all that. I have a half-written wip for the next chapter but the motivation isn’t there. All I can offer rn is a snippet from Nimona’s pov if that’s alright.
—
Then he kissed her Boss.
He kissed her Boss.
That motherfucker.
She couldn’t let that stand, she couldn’t let this happen, not now when the Boss’ health was so precarious and his heart was so fragile. Whatever the knight was planning, whatever sick game he was playing with Ballister’s feelings, she was putting a stop to it here and now. She struck, shifting into a coiling viper to leap onto the bed and sink her teeth into his wrist with a hiss of utter fury, forcing him to release her Boss with a sharp cry of pain.
“Nimona!?” Ballister yelped as the knight practically fell off the couch, twisting and jerking to try and wrench Nimona off of him, only to go prey-still when she reverted to her humanoid form, kneeling on his chest with murder in her eyes as she hissed down at him, her tongue still forked and serpentine as it flicked between her fangs.
“Stay the fuck away from him.” she growled, “You hear me, creep? Get the fuck out of our house now!”
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wordsbymae ¡ 1 year
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omg this was SO GOOD, dear author😭 the jealous person not realising that they're in reality only helping farmer to make mousey his spouse. how would the visit at farmer's home go? surely little mouse must see that farmer's house is a lot better than their dangerous little home. they will have everything they want here, somehow farmer suddenly have so many amazing products to make pastery that little mouse couldn't afford. and if that doesn't work? surely mousey isn't so heartless to leave him all alone on this huge farm? he has so much work, they surely doesn't want him to overwork himself to death. 😩
and if you don't mind dear author, can i be 💫 anon?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did update the ending very slightly, just changed some wording but nothing too crazy. That's exactly what I was going for! Before this happened the reader was on edge with the farmer. They could tell, even subconsciously, that he had less than honest intentions. But with this whole situation they were forced into his arms, he stood up for them, protected them, practically admitting to being in love with them. It sends mouse right back to when they would wait by their mailbox for him to drive past so they could wave good morning to him or how they would rebake something over and over again just so it was perfect for him. The love-sick puppy in them is back with a vengeance.
I see mouse being in his truck with his denim jacket on, his scent enveloping them as they use the cuffs to wipe their nose or their eyes. (And if you're like me, can you imagine it being too big or long? and just being dwarfed in it?). The farmer is still a bit uncomfortable, neither has said anything since they got in the car and clearly mousey is still very upset. He does use this time to think of a plan. He was expecting a struggle or even a fight to get his little mouse in his arms. If he was a forgiving man would thank that cruel person for driving mouse into his arms. But he was not, so you can imagine what's gonna happen.
They finally arrive home (and because I am committing), his two working dogs run out from behind the house barking and yapping. Reader's met them before and loves them to death so they practically jump out of the truck to say hi to them. The farmer just grumbles cause he wanted to open their door like a gentleman :(
Pancho and Lefty are so excited to see Mouse again. They've been gone too long! Of course, they have ulterior motives and start sniffing around to see if they bought their favourite peanut butter doggy treats Mouse makes themself. They huff when they don't smell them.
"They ain't lap dogs you know, they're working dogs and you spoil em too much" the farmer sooks, walking over to the three of you. He wants all your attention :(
"Don't listen to him. your daddy is being a meany. You deserve all the love and attention and to be spoilt rotten, 'cause you're both my handsome boys, the bestest boys ever" you whisper, patting the two kelpies.
Daddy? now that's something he likes the sound of maybe one day he can make you a momma (or not! I know EXACTLY where I want it to go but I know not everyone is into all that. )
either way, he's calling you inside with a frown on his face. He deserves to be your handsome boy, your bestest boy ever, not those two butt lickers outside.
You give a small sigh when you come inside. You've never been inside his house before. You wanted to, desperately, but he just never invited you in. Now you're sitting on his bed in his jacket, while he looks through his closet. It's only 10am in the morning but clearly, he's expecting you to stay the night cause he's grabbing house clothes/pj's for you. An old shirt of his and some old boxers. He hopes to god you don't notice the hole in the back of the boxers where he can see your underwear.
You try and tell the farmer that you're only planning on staying a little while (until you stop crying at the drop of a hat) but as soon as you say it, lightning strikes. The sky darkens and the wind howls.
"You ain't going nowhere while it's storming like this"
"I live like a minute-"
"I don't care, your staying"
So you stay the night.
Only to wake to your house burnt to the ground. Luckily everything important and your own bedroom are in an offshoot of the cottage where the fire didn't spread to. But the main bulk of the house is ruined.
But thank goodness the farmer is more than happy to let you stay at his till you find somewhere else.
However, it's really hard to find an appropriate house in such a small town and large county, but the farmer is more than welcome! Just stay with him! Rent free! Just keep cooking like you do and you can stay for as long as you would like.
This man is desperate for Mouse to be his little spouse. So you can bet your bottom dollar he starts treating them as such (murder, manifest, manipulate). Coming in after a long day and practically begging for a massage, cooing to his darlin' how they have magic hands, how he's so lucky to have them, how he would be lost without them cooking for him, taking care of him, making sure he ain't working himself to death.
After a few months he's got reader trained and everything, got them rubbing his shoulder (and feet, ew), packing him lunches for when he gets stuck outside, doing his laundry, sewing his clothes, fussing over him and treating him like a little homemaker would.
But then Mousey is talking about another little cottage down the way that's selling, how they don't wanna be in his hair anymore. How he probably wants his own space back. That's when he lays it on thick. Going on and on about how they can't leave the farm, Pancho and Lefty are going to miss you too much, how he'll probably starve without you, how he'll be so lonely without you.
So you stay, of your own accord. Which is really lucky for you, cause plan b stands for Plan Barn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of course, you may! I'm on my laptop at the moment, so may I call you anon Nova as well?
111 notes ¡ View notes
zaceouiswriting ¡ 2 years
Text
A rotten Christmas
Character: Theo Raeken x male reader
Universe: Teen Wolf
Warnings: Angst, Sad
The smell of perfectly brewed coffee woke me up from my deep sleep. Completely wrapped in a blanket, I knew I wasn't trapped when I fell asleep, but now I couldn't move without help. „Took you longer this time to wake up.“ A deep, soft voice reminded me of the gentle touch of my cashmere scarf gifted to me by the person whose voice made me feel more than I would ever admit.
„Asshole!“ I mummer under my breath as I realized what he had done.
„What was that, baby?“ He asked smugly, walking around our bed to sit next to me. Across the room, on a small table, I could see and smell the breakfast he made either, to prank or spoil me. This man had nothing in between.
„I said, I love you… asshole.“ „Mhmm… You see, in your… predicament, I wouldn’t be so nasty to the only person able to help you.“ His pearly white teeth showed as a predatory grin appeared on his perfect face. Some days I was more than jealous of his stupid smug face and wanted to bash it in, only to realize that I wouldn’t be able to look at it as much as I wanted anymore.
Instead of saying one more word that might get me into even hotter waters, I pouted at the man who was already wearing a buttoned shirt. „Oh, come on, don’t look at me like that!“ He threw his head back, knowing he had already lost against me, sighing in annoyance that he was such a pushover. I just had to look at him a little longer, pouting, slightly in tears, before he freed me from the blanket he had tucked me into, no doubt when he woke up. „Happy, now?“ He asked, slightly annoyed.
Instead of a verbal answer, I jumped against him, pushing him with me on our bed, hovering only millimeters away from his face. As he went for the kiss, I slightly moved back. „Why did you make me breakfast?“
I haven’t seen his face fall that quickly in a long time. „I-I- There is no ulterior motive!“
Not impressed at his play of innocence, I only had to pull one of my eyebrows up for him to give up again. „Okay, I might or might not am trying to maybe… maybe I could you to get-“
„Theo. God, tell me already!" I chuckled loudly, having to get some distance between us, just to be stopped by his arm around my waist.
„I wanted to make you happy so you might cook Christmas dinner for us and the pack I'm in?" His voice was so quiet and unsure of himself that it melted my heart immediately. „We never do anything for Christmas, and no one can go home for the holidays... so I've been thinking about hosting it. I might have already told them that we would... I know stupid and selfish of me, but I really miss them, and I also want them to see that I became a better man!“ He rambled on and on. But I had to say that I was ticked off. Though, witnessing his nervousness quickly turned my anger down. „I don't appreciate you just planning my time away, but I will do it either way.“
„You will?“ He asked excitedly.
„Yes, but you have to make it up to me.“ My smug smile already told my fiancé everything he had to know.
As he slowly opened his mouth again, I could see his Adam's apple jump up and down anxiously. Before he could say anything, I leaned down, kissing him chastely. „Tell your boss you will not be in tomorrow, and as soon as you come back tonight, you will lose your clothes at the door. I do not want to see anything on you!“
„Yes, sir!“ He even saluted as best he could while lying down.
I leaned down again and captured his lips in a not-so-chastened kiss. We both could feel the other's want in it. He even dared to poke his tongue inside my mouth, forcing a low moan out of me. Just before it could get out of hand, I was able to push myself away. „No, you have to go to work! We have enough time for that later!“ I explained rather authoritatively.
Finally, I got up after this whole fiasco and made my way to the small table with the delicious-smelling food and coffee sitting there for me to take. As I went for a grab, I suddenly was pulled back and slammed back onto our bed, with my face first.
„I think they can go an hour or so without me," he hastily whispered hotly in my ear just before licking my ear shell. His hot breath tingled my ear and the hairs on my neck, bringing a warm shower over my back. Hands wandered all over my mostly naked body.
To say that Theo ravaged me at that moment would be an understatement. When he finally left an hour later, I had to collect myself for another hour or so before I could even try to comprehend the act he had done to me. Walking was a problem, and I knew I was getting many side glances because of it when I went shopping for the Christmas meal I was going to cook.
Some of the goods had to be prepared a day prior, others I could start in the morning of our special day. It's been some time since we've seen Theo's entire pack, so I was just as excited. They always seemed like pleasant, genuine people.
As promised, Theo was there the next day, bound to our bed, so I could ride him whenever I wanted, which I used quite a lot that day, whenever I had little time between preparations. But at night, he had full responsibility.
The day we hosted Christmas, I put Theo to work but kept a close eye on him. Between making coffee and a simple breakfast, this man was hopeless. But he did everything after my very detailed instructions. Until it was time to hear the first knock. My handsome fiancĂŠ, already dressed to impress, opened the door to a cheerful Lydia.
As soon as I heard her angelic voice, I ran out of the kitchen and pulled her off her feet. I'm just glad to see her again after studying abroad for a while. Though I had to apologize myself to get back to work on our meal.
Not long after she accompanied me, both of us had a glass of wine. „Scott brings to more people. I hope that's not a problem?” she asked me nonchalantly, knowing I was cooking more than anyone could eat.
„Not at all. Who is it? Anyone, I know?“
„I have no idea. Nobody wanted to tell me anything.“
„Strange, but okay, I've made enough to feed a battalion. You could never know what stray Scott will bring next, could you?” We giggled so heartily that we didn't even notice Alec, Ian, Amalia, and Rayn walking in. Only them clearing their throat alerted us. „Eavesdropping, are we?“ I asked sheepishly. „Come here, grab a wine glass and jump into our conversation!“
Soon half the pack was there, many of them happily sipping with us a bit of wine before dinner.
We almost only waited on Scott at that point. „Theo?“
„Yes, babe?“
„When Scott comes, please bring him and his two guests directly to the dining room, okay? The rest of you can sit down there, as well!“ Everyone happily followed my instructions except for Lydia, who stayed by my side and whispered gossip to me.
„Nooooolaaan!“ My voice carried effortlessly to the open front door. I only had to hear his voice to call him immediately. Theo sometimes was jealous of this little bean, but he shouldn’t be.
With a wide happy smile, Nolan came wandering into my palace, my kitchen, a small gift in his hand, as we met for a tight bear hug. „God, I missed you!“
„I missed you too, smolly!“ „Yeah, no. I take it back!“
„Oh, come on, I know you love the nickname!“ A cheeky grin on his lips, which made me smile broadly back at him, broke all walls I had for this boy. Christmas was never a good time of year for him, but seeing him smile on a day like this made my head spin.
And then, hopefully, the last knock of the night, Scott's voice carried through the house, more cheerful than any other time he'd visited, followed by the soft voices of the two people he'd brought with him. For some reason, they sounded familiar. Which wasn't that hard considering they might be people I've met before.
„Would you two help me bring in the food? I can do a lot, but that's too much food for me to carry alone!” I asked my two friends with a smile. Without wasting a second, they took away bowls and plates. With me behind, in my hands, a plate full of turkey.
Laughing about a joke Nolan had told us, we finally came into the warm, decorated dining room.
As soon as I entered the room, while Nolan and Lydia were already putting their things down, I could see Scott with a warm smile. Just as we were about to greet each other, I saw the two people he had brought into my house.
My heart stopped. From the corner of my eye, I could see Scott smile even wider with happiness. I was frozen. If this hadn't been the case, I would have dropped the plate with all our turkey on the floor.
At that moment, they both got up and came to me. „NO!“ I suddenly screamed, painful memories filling my mind back up. It made them both stop, looking at each other in concern. 
„Are you all right, sweetie? Do we need to get you back to the facility? You know he had a mental break in his early teens. Back then, it helped a lot at the time!“
I wanted so badly to scoff at that, but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t listen to me. Again they tried to approach, but I screamed at them even louder to stay away from me. Only this time, they did not listen to me. Just as they were a step or two away, anger rose inside of me. I was willing to sacrifice the food I had worked on for two days to get them away from me.
Before anything could have happened, I was suddenly pulled back by two strong arms. „He said that he doesn’t want you to come closer!“ Never has Theo’s voice sounded better in my ears. Knowing I was safe, I flopped a little against his powerful chest.
„Don’t be so dramatic!“ Scott rolled his eyes as he told me that. „I contacted your parents and found out why you are not talking. They graciously offered to accept your apology and would even let you get back to your family!“ He could barely hold his excitement in.
Suddenly all panic was gone out of my system. Emptiness replaced every emotion I had before. „They graciously offer to accept MY apology?“ I asked through clenched teeth, my eyes on Scott.
„Yes, isn’t that sweet of them! They would accept you even though you are this overdramatic.“
„Someone take the turkey out of my hand!“ My voice was quiet, anger radiating from it. „NOW!“ I suddenly screamed, forcing Isaac to jump up and take the plate from my hands.
For a moment, I just stood there, seething with anger, so angry no one dared speak.
„Theo, did you know about this?“ I couldn’t turn around in his arms. If I could see in his eyes that he actually knew about it, I would have ended it immediately.
„No!“ he quickly blurted out, realizing that what happened between my parents and me goes much deeper than what Scott said. „And how could he find them? I changed my last name when I was eighteen. Only three people know my first last name, and Nolan, as well as Lydia, would’ve never told anyone.“
„I-I told Scott.“ He confessed quickly. „He asked too many questions about your parents. It just fell out!“
„I understand. We'll talk later. Maybe our engagement was too early.“ With that said, I pushed myself out of his arms, closer to my parents, but with my eyes still on Scott.
„If you really believed a single word, my parents told you, then you are not only naive but stupid as well.“ Startled, he opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
„You can’t talk to Scott or your parents like this!“ Mason threw suddenly in. „Don't you know any manors? He's the leader of our group!“
„Mason, stop!“ Liam was quick to intertwine, but it was already too late. His best friend had already poked the beehive.
„Glad I'm not part of your little group. Only Theo is part of it, in case you forgot. Just because I'm friends with some of you doesn't mean I'm a member of it, and to be honest, if it means meddling in things none of you have any part in. I'm glad not to be a part of your little, pathetic group!“
After all of this, I finally turned back to my parents. „And you, out of my house!“
„You can't kick us out! It sure isn't yours!“
„If you think my fiancé can pay for a house like this, you are delusional! It is my house, paid in full before I let it get built and I throw you out!“
„Stop being so overdramatic!“ Scott screamed again, his alpha voice was audible, but it didn’t affect me. „Scott, you and everyone that knew of this is no longer welcome in my house either! Go now before I use force!“
With that, I walked out, but before I could leave the room. A rather rough hand grabbed my arm. Thousands of terrible memories spoiled my brain. My breathing quickened, my heartbeat already fast from all the anger, went into overdrive. I could already feel dizziness overcoming my brain. Too weak to break free from the grip that had put me in my horrific scenarios and positions.
„Go away!“ I tried to scream, but my body was just too weak. „Let go of me!“ But the hand didn’t leave my skin. Tears streamed down my face. Which just moments ago had been sore with laughter, more relaxed than it had been in many years.
Nobody came to my aid, just as so many years ago. As I relived the nightmare I was running from, a particular chord stirred inside me out of nowhere. My foggy brain slowly cleared, forcing me to breathe properly again, all the fear that had once frozen me becoming irrelevant.
Even if I did open up and let my fiancĂŠ know something, I begged God never needed to be revealed. Now it had to be done.
With fiery anger in my eyes, I looked once more straight into my father's eyes, whose hand was still tightly gripping my forearm.
In one quick movement, his grip disappeared, and all that remained was a painful sensation in my clenched fist as he slipped out of my direct line of sight, leaving me with my mother. Her eyes begged me not to. But I did it anyway. Only to feel her nose crack under the immense pressure.
„I know why you disgusting vail people are here, and now neither my fiancé nor I will give you money. At least as long as you won’t give me the money that you got from renting me out!“
„Just call it babysitting!“ Mason ordered me.
But a vicious smile became evident on my face. „I do not talk about babysitting. Do you want to tell them, or should I?“ I directly asked my parents, not lowering my eyes at all.
I only imagined them quivering in fear of being openly seen as such bad people who would do something this horrible to their own child.
„They rented me out to-“
„Shut up!“ My oh-so-sweet mother suddenly interrupted me. Her eyes indeed widened, fearful of what I could tell them.
„They rented me out to rich people to do what they want with me. The first time I still remember vividly, I was five years old. And this old, fat, disgusting man touched me everywhere. I was so disgusted about what he did to me. I became numb in the following years. Not everyone wanted that from me. Some just forced me to work for them. All that to fill their own pockets even more!“
„Bullshit, no parents would do that to their own children! You would say anything not to apologize to your kind parents for treating them like dirt!“
„Scott, it is true.“ Lydia's voice was soft but firm. Her alpha’s eyes jumped over to her, confused. „When my father still lived, they offered my family, him as well. My father was so disgusted that he threatened with an FBI investigation if they wouldn’t stop it. Shortly after, he died. When he came here to live without her, I asked my mother about his family, and she made some gruesome discoveries. Please show them the marks under your upper arms and on your inner upper legs.“
„No.“ I just told her, not only comfortable but horrified.
To everyone's surprise, Scott stood up from his chair and lunged forward at me, ripping my nice shirt into pieces. Most likely to reveal that there was nothing. But to his sad horror, my whole body was a battlefield, with scars, burn scars, and even ripped chunks of flesh in places. Only the forceful made tattoos on my body were removed.
„How?“ It was the only word that came out of his mouth.
„I never went swimming with any of you, always sitting fully clothed with you, never switching clothes in front of anyone. Not in a million years did I want someone to know. Especially not the only person I ever loved. But thanks to you and your self-righteousness, he knows now.“
At this point, I didn't even dare to look at Theo anymore. Humiliated and disgusted by me. I could already feel my courage and strength slowly dissipating within me. „Either you go now, or I will force you out! All of you!“
Now everyone was shocked. As soon as I told them to get out, I couldn't hold back the tears that fell down my face like waterfalls. Someone tried to grab me, but I jumped out of the way just in time. Theo’s face was painful as I rejected his hand.
But otherwise, nothing happened. Not one person moved. Only the agonizing groans of my parents holding their faces could be heard.
No one stopped me as I walked out of the room, probably assuming I would leave until they were gone. They waited until they were sure I was gone, but I was in the room getting ready.
Lydia again told the story and that she started being friends with me to make sure nothing happened to me, but at some point, my parents stopped that friendship. But when Nolan came forward and explained how he found out, Theo nearly ripped him apart just because he saw my naked body once when I wasn't paying attention.
I let them talk as much as I could. But when my mother tried to say something, I got irrationally angry. Storming back into the room, this time with a sword in my hands, I immediately held it against Scott. „If you are not out of my house in two seconds, I will cut you in pieces.“ My face didn't say anything. It was entirely blank, like the mask I wore when I told people everything was fine.
Scott, who seemed to think I wasn't going to attack him, proved him wrong when he didn't leave when the two seconds were up. A beautiful extensive cut across his chest, open and dripping with blood. Not closing as it should have. „Wolfsbane is something nice to have when your fiancé’s friends are werewolves, don’t you think, Scott?“ A grin sinfully twisted my face as I audibly threatened his death.
„But you are a nice person!“ He lamented soon after. Over with his shit for a long time, I took another swing at him, cutting open his arm.
„Yes, and you've gone too far. Now go or die. I don't care! But either way, you will never put another foot in my house!“
He obviously took the way out, which actually kept him running for longer than three seconds. Even though their alpha went out, nobody followed him. I had to threaten the rest with the same fate. I yelled after them that no one who knew of this plan would ever be welcome back into my home.
Only Lydia, Nolan, and Theo remain. My parents ran away when they first saw my sword. They were obviously aware of their foolish decision to let me train when I was younger so they could boast in front of their friends.
Without saying another word, I brought my sword away and left for upstairs. As I closed our bedroom door, I could hear Lydia starting to yell at Theo. In their screaming, there was also the sound of our front door opening but not closing until a couple of moments later, followed by some clinks and rattles.
Soon two different footsteps echoed down the hallway. I didn't even realize they were coming up the stairs. As a soft knock sounded inside my room, I almost jumped out of my skin. „Go away!“ I tried to be louder, but this day had taken too much energy from me.
Without my consent, the door suddenly opened, at first, I was angry, but when I saw Nolan's cute face, all I could do was smile. „Hey, we have some food for you! After so much work, you should at least eat something.“ He gently asked me, not sounding like an order, but stern enough so that I could hear his concern.
He opened the door a little more since I didn't say anything about him leaving me alone, only to show Isaac, who was also holding plates. „Why is he here?“ Nolan looked sheepishly to the floor.
„You know my family is almost perfect, maybe a bit pretentious, but I couldn't help you, but Isaac here has some experiences of his own."
„Right, but not even closely as bad as yours, but my dad was still a horrible human being.“
A heavy sight escaped my lips. „Okay, come in.“ I told both of them, which they happily did, closing the door behind them. „At least you are handsome enough to make Theo jealous, especially when we see each other often.“
„But I don’t swing that way.“ Isaac told me, scratching the back of his head, plates all spread out over my bed.
„That doesn’t matter. He is already jealous of Nolan, even though he his Gabesexual.“ The talked-about man blushed furiously at my comment.
„Who is Gabe?“
„Nolan’s mythical boyfriend. He is an absolute stud if you ask me, and maybe even a little douchy, but he loves our little bean, so I accepted him, even though I threatened to cut off his tail if he ever broke Nolan's heart.“
„What?“ Nolan screamed, interrupting our little conversation. „He is so tame because of your threat? But I liked his douchiness!“
„Then tell him! I'm sure he'll be happy to do whatever you want to get you in bed more often. Or this is all a ploy to make you go crazy, so you would finally crack that innocent mask of yours and show him what a little perv you really are!“
„You two are texting, aren’t you?“ Isaac suddenly inquired.
„Maybe, maybe not.“
„He did the same to me with my girlfriend.“ His hand over his face in slight embarrassment. „It worked, didn't it? I heard a lot of good things about your bed life.“ „You two are still texting? What is she telling you?“
„Oh, a lot Isaac. A lot.“ My eyes traveled over his body, pausing at his crotch for a second only to travel to his hands. „A lot.“  
„This was a bad idea.“ As he was about to leave, I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back a bit.
„I only look out for you guys. When I learned something from my past, to communicate correctly. It took me long enough to get Theo to do it, so I helped your partners force you to start your long journey.“
We talked for hours about everything and nothing until we got to what had happened before Isaac told me about his life, how his father abused him, locked him up, hit him in a lightbulb almost daily, and so on. He even showed off his own scars scattered across his body where his father would hit him with broken glass bottles and other things. It helped a bit to know I wasn’t completely alone.
Lydia had given up at some point, storming off. Theo didn't dare go upstairs. Until at least Nolan and Isaac left, which wasn't before bedtime. I had brought all the plates downstairs to find Theo waiting in our living room. When he saw me, he jumped up, his face was sunken, and sadness overcame him.
I didn’t acknowledge him at all. He followed me like a lost, hurt puppy, even back upstairs, but as soon as I entered our bedroom, I stopped before he could enter. „At the moment, I can’t trust you, so you either sleep in the guest room or downstairs on the couch.“
„But-“ His plead was shut off as I slammed the door shut and locked it. I heard a quiet thud but nothing else. Laying in our bed alone felt weird, and sleep did not come for hours. Later on, because I had to pee and was thirsty. During the night, I had to leave the room because Theo didn't have a chance to put our usual two water cups on top of our respective bedside tables like he usually does.
As I went to open the door, my heart suddenly fell a bit. There, right in front of the door, lay Theo, his body slightly shivering. Even though I wanted him to understand his misdeed, that was too much for me. I grabbed my favorite comforter and put it on him before getting water for both of us.
Hours later, I was still awake, already making breakfast, as suddenly Theo came downstairs, his head disheveled, but said nothing. His eyes were on the floor whenever I was near until he or I walked into another room.
I chose office work and later went to one of my restaurants. In the evening, Theo lay in front of our bedroom door again, already fast asleep. Sighing, I retrieved a fluffy rug from my office and rolled Theo onto it, followed by one of my pillows.
Again laying in bed, sleep again did not come for me. I rolled and trashed around. Finally swallowing my pride, I stepped out of the room and went under his blanket. With the small rug, it was actually quite comfortable. His arms immediately pulled me to him, sniffing a big whiff of my body odor only to sigh peacefully in his sleep with a smile on his lips.
I also could only smile, finally being in the arms of my most precious love.
„Good morning!“ At some point, I heard the joyful voice of the man I love close to my ear. I stirred awake in a panic until I remembered the last night. „You are warm.“ A dark chuckle fell from his lips.
„Here we are again.“ Able to hear his eyes rolling, he dared open his arms to let me go. But I just pressed them to shut around me again.
„Idiot!“ I murmured angrily, hot salty tears streaming down my cheeks again. Theo was confused and appalled by my sudden reaction. He thought I had started shit with him again, but I was only glad to be back in his warm arms.
Not knowing what to do, he hugged me even tighter to his chest. Either to smother me or to give me the love I so desperately need. Both have been good to me. We lay there for a while. If it had been possible, we would’ve been there for the rest of eternity, but my phone ringing without pause finally forced us apart again.
Soon I was out of the house once more, leaving Theo alone. When I got back, food was already served or at least warmed up, considering Theo is forbidden to cook anything but a light breakfast. „Lydia came by and took a lot of the food with her.“ Theo told me, waiting at our dining table.
"We need to talk," I plainly stated, sitting on the other side of said table.
"Why didn't you ever tell me? I wouldn't have looked at you any other way!" It was sweet of him, but my answer wasn't going to be as kind as his words.
„Why did you tell Scott what I asked you to keep a secret?“ His mouth opened for a second. Until his eyes suddenly widened, and his mouth closed. His lips were a neutral line. He had answered his question himself. „Exactly. That is the reason why I feel we should postpone our wedding until we're sure that's what we want and until I can trust you again.“
Never in my life would I have thought I would see the heartbreak in the eyes of the only man I have ever loved. „I understand. Do you want me to move out?“
"As always, you don't listen. I told you we were postponing our wedding, not that I was breaking up with you."
„What do you mean?“
„Let us have a long engagement. I can’t trust you. Therefore we have to find out if this is a problem or if you somehow learn to shut your pretty mouth about the secrets I share with you.“
Theo looked defeated. He knew that there was no way he could argue against it. How so, after everything that had happened on that day?
„We will see a couples counselor, and you will also start individual therapy. I've already worked through my problems, but maybe, I'll get back into it too. After all, it could only be profitable for me.“
„But I don’t need-“
„Do you want to marry me?“
„Well, yes, but-“
„Then you will go to therapy. Not only to get the death of your parents out of your active mind but also to get rid of your sick obsession to get Scott’s approval. If he or anyone else still believes you're a terrible person, that's their problem, not yours.“
At this point, my fiancĂŠ could only nod his head. After all, everything is his fault. I would have told him one day, maybe when my parents finally died, or I would have felt comfortable talking about it.
„And I meant what I said. Nobody in your pack that knew of this or defended Scott's action is welcome here anymore. And especially not Scott. If he trespasses on any of my properties, I will kill him. He wouldn’t be the first werewolf I kill.“
His downcast look was suddenly embarrassed. It was another secret he had no idea about. I knew long before I came to beacon hIlls about the supernatural and was forced at age nine to kill an already hurt werewolf. Since then, I've gone deaf every time I've had to do it to death and kill someone. Which made it easier to look past Theo’s horrible deeds.
We ate in quite this time around. Theo rarely dared to look at me directly. As we finished, I stood suddenly up, making my chair squeak over the floor, setting my fiancĂŠ on edge.
I walked right up to him, pulling him out of his chair and upstairs. In our bedroom, where I pushed him onto our shared bed, he looked so confused - it was delicious. He immediately saw the wolfsbane pills and knew what was happening. Without question, he took one and quickly put us on the same level. The ninth was still young, and I needed Theo now. Maybe it was toxic of me to use his fragile mental state after all of this to get him to get intimate with me. But I only saw it as compensation for what he had done, and after all, he loved it just as much and maybe even more than me. For some reason, especially when he wins our little fight. As a reward, he gets to take me doggy style. Most likely some strange natural behavior, considering he is part wolf.
I could only hope that this didn't destroy our happy little life. Besides his inability to keep secrets, he is literally perfect for me. Only time will tell.
[Masterlist]
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iamawolfstarsimp ¡ 1 year
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Sup bitches
i have 0 ideas and 0 motivation so hopefully writing this will help
In other news I have my first softball game on monday so yay I'll lyk how it goes, our team is pretty good so I'm confident we'll do well but you never know 🤷‍♀️
I can't remember if I've written something like this before but if I have here it is again (and yes I'll write something including the girls soon I promise)
So yeah enjoy
James had easily snuck into the slytherin common room even though he didn't necessarily need to sneak in because Regulus has given him the password, but he enjoyed the thrill of sneaking around unseen.
He crept up into the familiar dorm room that belonged to Regulus and his mates but stopped when he heard raised voices.
"..eah I tried banging shit around! No it didn't work!" He heard Barty yelling at presumably Evan.
James grinned, immediately recognizing what situation they were yelling about. He slipped the invisibility cloak off and jogged up the stairs, knocking twice before entering.
"What do you want- oh, hey James." Evan waved from the bathroom, a toothbrush stuck in his mouth.
"Hey Evan, Barty." James nodded. They hadn't meant for Barty and Evan to know about his and Regulus' relationship but had inevitably gotten caught and confessed.
Even though they hadn't planned for the two to know, it benefitted them alot with the two trouble makers knowing. One they were excellent at keeping secrets (especially from Sirius), two they could tell James the password if he needed it or be a distraction so he could slip in through the door.
Three it made James job of getting in and not waking the other two a whole lot easier because if someone was coming in at 12 am they knew it was James going over to Regulus' bed, probably to fuck.
"Is he still not awake?" James motioned to the lump that was Regulus, laying in his bed.
"Yes." Both Evan and Barty said, James snickered.
"Have you tried-"
"Before you ask anything, yes. We've tried everything." Barty sighed. "We've tried banging, we've tried threats, we've tried litterly dragging his arse out of bed but he just crawled back in." Evan nodded in the background.
"He knows he's gonna be late, right?" James smirked when the other two nodded again.
"If he doesn't I'm gonna kill him." Barty snarled.
"How could he not? We've practically screamed it at him for the past half an hour." Evan grumbled.
James thought for a moment. A story about Regulus that Sirius had told him a while ago popped into his head.
"Don't worry about him, I got it." James answered them after a minute or two of silence. The other two exchanged incredulous looks before shrugging.
"Alright mate, it's your funeral." Barty patted him on the shoulder. "Good luck." They chuckled before walking out, not wanting to be late to class themselves. It was already too late for breakfast which Regulus wasn't going to be pleased about. James swore Regulus was deadly before he'd had his coffee.
"Rise and shine, love." James said in a sing-song voice. "You're gonna be late for class if you don't get up now." The only reply he got was some grumbles from Regulus but no movement whatsoever.
James crawled into his bed, cuddling on top of him which was kind of defeating the purpose of getting him out of bed but James couldn't not take the offer to snuggle with him. Cuddly Regulus was a rare sight to see.
"If I ask nicely will you get up?" James practically pleaded. Regulus shook his head no, his messy hair fluffing up even more as he did. "Alright, you asked for this."
James moved his hands to squeeze Regulus' sides, a sharp squeal forcing its way out of his sleepy boyfriend. Reggie's hands immediately flew down to grab James' wrists and pull them away from his torso. Regulus squirmed away from James but didnt get far since James was laying on top of him.
"Do I hear some giggles?" James teased once he heard Regulus give in and let out some muffled giggles. He switched his tactic, not swirling fingers into his sides and belly which seemed to be getting more laughter and squirms out of him.
"Jahahames, st-stohop!" Regulus squeaked. James gasped in mock surprise.
"He's alive! Honestly, I thought I was just tickling a dead body for a second there."
"Just sto- James tHE RIBS ARE OFF LIMITS!" Regulus laughed into his pillow, his feet now kicking behind James as well. He pinched up and down Regulus' ribs, a sweet spot on James as well.
"Will you get up and out of bed if I stop?" James murmured into Regulus' ear as teasingly as he could.
"Yehehes!" He instantly stopped, rolling off of Regulus and standing up.
"I'm glad you said yes," James said as he watched grumpy Regulus look for his uniform, each piece of it scattered around the room, "because you've got ten minutes to get ready and be in transfiguration." He grinned at Regulus' shocked look before walking out with a wave.
"See you there!" He laughed.
Hope you liked
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evilwriter-originals ¡ 1 year
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Clipped Wings - Chapter 3
@samatedeansbroccoli @lashlamb13 (Let me know if you would like to be added or removed to the tag list.)
---
Anaria woke early the next morning. She’d had some time to think before falling asleep, and felt motivated in her plan. 
A quick glance in one of her wardrobes confirmed that a dress would not do for this, and so she donned a long, tight-fitted tunic with the back exposed, and pants that went a little past her knee. Sandals followed next, though not her ones that were inlaid with real gold. Real gold wouldn’t do for traveling. 
“Wyniin!” Anaria called to her servant. “Get my bags ready.” 
Wyniin entered the room, her blonde curls done up in a bun, white wings fluttering. She gave a quick bow before speaking.
“Going somewhere, my lady?”
Anaria felt at her own hair. She should probably have it braided before leaving. Flying with loose hair wasn’t ideal. 
“I’m going with my father to Shimmerfort,” she responded. The king didn’t know this, and wouldn’t know of it till their departure, but Anaria didn’t want to be stuck sitting here while her father made important negotiations. She should be a part of them. 
Besides, she was anxious to meet her soon-to-be betrothed. 
“What kind of trip?” Wyniin asked. 
“A diplomatic one.” Anaria found a ribbon that she’d left on her bedside table, and began to draw her long hair into a braid. Sometimes she wished she had curls, but straight hair like hers could be easier to deal with. “Should be a two day’s flight there.” 
Wyniin nodded, bowed again, and set to work. Anaria finished off her braid and looked around her bedchamber. It was too early for other servants to be there to make the large bed and tidy up, and maybe a little too early for breakfast. Hali was probably still sleeping. 
Anaria decided that she would go down to the kitchens to get something to eat. She didn’t mind eating with the servants and cooks, and often found herself enjoying it. It was interesting to get a glimpse into the lives of people so unlike her. 
It appeared that Sylvae was also still sleeping as well, because Anaria found her night guard there when she opened the main door to her chambers. 
“Morning, Kyrtar,” she greeted the man standing there with one hand on the hilt of his sword. A silver ball of light hovered near him to make up for a lack of torches. He’d conjured it himself, most likely.
“Is it morning yet?” he asked. His voice was gruff, and he stood much taller than Anaria, black, iridescent wings folded against his back. He was in his 40s, and had been guarding Anaria for as long as she could remember. 
Anaria chuckled, looking around the dark hallway. He had a point. “It is for me.” 
Kyrtar raised a dark brown eyebrow. “You’re planning something.”
Anaria closed the door behind her, began walking towards the kitchens, using a bit of magic to summon her own globe of light, this one golden. 
“I am not,” she responded.
“Princess, you’re only ever up this early when you can’t sleep, or you have something planned.” Kyrtar fell into step beside her. “And you look a little too bright for someone who cannot sleep. So, what is it?” 
Anaria gave Kyrtar a glance. He wouldn’t try to stop her, would he?
Well, it wasn’t like her plan was dangerous. She’d be traveling with her father and his royal guards. There would be plenty of people to protect her. Besides, she was bringing her sword. 
“I am traveling with my father to Shimmerfort,” Anaria said. “He’s meeting King Dyon of Aborsken there.” 
Kyrtar nodded. He’d probably already known. “Is your father aware of this?”
Anaria laughed, in a surprisingly good mood despite last night. “Not yet.” 
Despite her laughter, Anaria was worried. What if her father denied her demand to go with him? There was a high chance of that, given that she’d really been one of the last people to know of this trip. She was stubborn though. She would make him take her. 
The kitchens were only just beginning to bustle, the cooks and scullions finishing up their breakfast. The room was filled with light from torches, and so Anaria let her own light dissipate. Magic was something innate to the Nessari, but the cooks didn’t use it much in way of lighting, as the concentration needed could distract from their job.
The head chef noticed her and gave a deep bow, spreading her wings in greeting. 
“Welcome, princess. The usual, I presume?” 
“Yes, Shaerra, thank you.” Anaria went and sat at one of the long wooden tables as Shaerra began giving orders. She was an older woman, older than her father by about 10 years. Though, her hair probably wouldn’t start graying for another hundred or so.
Kyrtar was standing near the door, as was his duty, but Anaria beckoned to him. 
“Come sit. Your shift is nearly over anyway.”
Kyrtar nodded and sat across from her, adjusting his sword in its scabbard so as to be comfortable. His leather armor creaked a little bit. 
“Am I to come with you?” he inquired.
“I will have Sylvae with me.” Anaria folded her hands neatly on the table. The wood wasn’t polished, not like the tables she usually ate at. “You should probably rest after.”
Anaria wanted to take Kyrtar with her, but really, he did need his sleep. She could feel the edges of tiredness on her body just from rising early, and wouldn’t want someone to fly after having been awake all night. 
In fact, she found herself leaning her head in her fist, drowsily watching the cooks as they worked. She hadn’t slept well, all things considered. Her mind had been racing. She hoped she’d be able to keep up on the long flight. 
Anaria’s mind went back to those racing thoughts as she waited for breakfast. She was still upset that her father had kept something so big from her, which was why she wanted to go. He couldn’t leave her out of dealings in her own life! It wasn’t fair! 
Though, she hoped any of the animosity between her and the king from last night had faded. She didn’t like arguing with him. 
And then her mind went to Girad, the human prince. She hated to admit it, but she was curious and even a little eager to meet him. She’d never met a human before, and wondered what they were like. Were they like Nessari in some ways? Or so vastly different that it would be a culture shock for the both of them? What was Girad like? And, still on her list of concerns though it seemed shallow, what did he look like? 
Breakfast was laid out before her by Shaerra herself, and Anaria thanked her and dipped her head in gratitude. Shaerra bowed to her, and then went about her work. 
The food consisted of porridge with cinnamon, orange juice, and a lemon tart. Citrus was abundant in Nessar, which was fine, because Anaria adored it. Kyrtar was eating something similar.
Breakfast was quick, as Anaria didn’t want to miss her father’s departure. After a nod of gratitude to Shaerra, Anaria was leaving the kitchens in search of Sol. 
After asking around a little, she found him in his chambers.
“Father?” she asked, knocking on the big wooden door. 
“Come in!” he called, and Anaria entered, leaving Kyrtar behind her at the door. 
“You’re up early,” Sol commented. He had his back turned, was looking over some papers in his hand, possibly the letters between him and King Dyon. Belongings were strewn about the room. She’d been right in assuming he’d be leaving today.
“Well, I had to get ready.”
Sol turned to her, an eyebrow raised. “Ready for…?”
Anaria took a deep breath. “I’m going with you.”
Sol opened his mouth to speak, probably to deny her demand (it wasn’t a request), but Anaria forged on ahead.
“I am sorry about last night,” she said, “but I feel that negotiations having to do with me would go better if I were actually present.” She wasn’t going to say it was unfair, realizing that she would sound like a petulant child if she did, but it was definitely what she was thinking.
“I will not allow it.”
Anaria’s hands balled into fists. “Why not?! Father, if I am to be married to the prince then—!”
“It’s dangerous,” he cut her off, remaining calm, not a feather ruffled. That irritated her. She wanted to continue, but she would let him speak. “If something were to happen, I would not want Nessar to lose the entire royal family.”
Anaria clenched her jaw. Sol was right, wasn’t he? It was just her and her father. Her mother, Queen Lathae, had died when she was young. 
“So you don’t trust Dyon,” she realized.
“Not yet,” Sol responded. He put the papers down on an end table, came up to Anaria, and gently took her arms. Her fingers unclenched. “I’m sorry, Anaria. I truly am. I’m sorry for not telling you of this, and I’m sorry to have to leave you behind. I don’t want to.” He took a breath. “But you know your duty.”
“I do.” Anaria didn’t necessarily like her duties all the time, but she knew them and would follow them as best she could.
Sol sighed, letting his hands slide down her arms. “Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?”
“Just write to me,” Anaria said. Disappointment was an ache in her chest. “Keep me informed.”
Sol nodded. He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, his beard rough against her skin. “I will.”
Anaria sighed through her nose, readjusted her braid. “I should let you get going.”
“Go back to sleep,” Sol told her, the worried father showing through the mask of the king. “You look exhausted.”
Anaria nodded, then stood on her toes to kiss him on the cheek in return. After that, she was leaving and returning to her chambers. There was a horrible ache in her throat, and she didn’t exactly know why.
---
Anaria did not go back to sleep right away like her father had suggested. Instead she watched his contingent of guards get ready to leave, leaning on the edge of her balcony. The heights didn’t bother her at all. A Nessari who was afraid of heights would be a funny thing. 
Sol noticed her from the courtyard, gave her a nod that she returned. And then, with powerful beats of wings, they were off. 
Anaria rubbed at her eyes. Lack of good sleep was beginning to catch up with her. Yawning, she went back inside, looked at the bags strewn about her bedchamber. They were empty now, her belongings returned to their proper place. 
She sprawled out on her bed on her back, staring at the ceiling. She didn’t want to sleep, but she found her eyes closing, and soon, she was drifting off with the early light of the sun peeking through her windows.
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wildchildvdm ¡ 7 months
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How Charlie Dempsey inspired me
TW: Mention of DV and SA
Crying in my bed with a smile on my face. A lot of people would ask me: Valentina, whats the thing with Charlie? Honestly it all started when watched him on NXT UK and when I started to work in backstage for Sirius.
When I saw his debut with his birth name, Bailey Matthews, against Tyler Bate, when he returned as Charlie Dempsey at the end of summer. As I was looking at him I was telling myself: good Lord, that’s what I always wanted to do and I am missing. And this for giving up the first time when I was 16 to make everyone around me happy. Settle down, get married, have children. Expectations of an Italian woman. A good friend of mine also told me “Why did you give up? It’s not late!”
I was in a relationship that didn’t sit right with me. It was toxic and DV was at the order of the day. I crying alone, crying in pain if it’s mentally or physically, never been good for his family, for friends that turned out to be fake. I was losing myself, but seeing Charlie, that’s made my clock ticking that I want to play by my own rules. I was 23 years old when I told myself: that’s enough. I am about to turn 25 in may. Breaking free from this relationship last year and the first thing I did is start my training. It has been one year and soon I am going to move away to the wXw, to take all to the top.
A family that is not happy with my decision and that I have to put everything on a scale. It’s either them or wrestling. If everything goes as planned I will spend two weeks a the GPWA. (My crush is there too lol Hello Baldie you sexy thing).
Bailey or better Charlie inspires me to keep it up with my work to get better and better. As I told my friend Jay during the chain wrestling training yesterday: I want to learn everything until my head explode. I will never stop learning. I have some fears inside the ring that I know I need to win.
If there is one thing I dream of in my life is to be taken under his wing and learn, I would learn for hours. If it’s either with him or his father. But I want to learn.
As I am writing this I am looking at my tattoo on my left arm: a flower. What has a flower to do? There is a tradition in South Korea that says: every person has a birth flower. This is a Carolina Allspice. Dec 30th.
I look at it when I feel I want to give up, when something isn’t going as I wished. Some people tells me that I would regret it. But for sure I don’t regret that.
Seeing him winning that cup makes my heart happy and jump. I never felt so proud as I feel right now. I was waiting years for this. And right now I am even more motivated. Even if there is a 3-1 Handicap Match between the 4 walls.
I wish he knows that he made the difference of this young woman with a dream.
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alcego ¡ 6 months
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Words Written: 2,082 words Projects:
Commission - Slow going. Moved it back into GDocs so I can write at work. I think the format is what's throwing me the most - it's not a style I usually work in and I am in a touch over my head. It's fully planned and otherwise moving along well.
REDO-REPEAT - Wrote this AFTG fic on a whim, chasing motivation-inspiration to get the gears oiled up. It's not everything the idea could be, but I'm happy with what it is given why I wrote it. Not everything needs to be perfect lol. You can read it here, but do mind the tags.
Original Work - Haven't spent much time on my original work, although I do have an idea percolating in the back of my head that I should probably rough out soon. I have a couple other shorts that need to be re-drafted, but I think I need more space from them before I get going again.
Notes:
Wasn't feeling great this week for a variety of reasons. I'm trying to catch back up on life after my second ever kidney infection (caught it early enough this time that my suffering was significantly easier to deal with), not to mention worrying and checking in on Winnie daily now that she's due to foal any day now. (Most likely she has a week or two left. However, sometimes they progress very quickly, so it's prudent to be watchful.) There are other things going on beyond that, of course, but suffice it to say I've been overwhelmed and that is not conducive to writing for me.
Have been consistently frustrated that I don't have a good "writing nook", which has been doubly frustrating because I have several places from which to work, but none of them have been facilitating Getting Things Done. This is a problem for writing but it's equally troubling on my WFH days. Lately I've been most productive in bed. I do not like this, as my bed is supposed to be for sleeping only. Have been looking into purchasing a used chair/ottoman for writing purposes, but there are a lot of logistics to consider there.
In a similar note to the above, I'm irritated by the size of my MacBook. It's a 13", which I ordered during the pandemic and decided it was "good enough" upon realizing it was smaller than expected. I no longer think this, as the keyboard is cramped and the screen doesn't have as much space as I'd like. I've considered going back to my old 17" Dell, which I wrote on prior to purchasing this laptop, but that laptop has fallen victim to planned obsolescence and is unable to receive the updates it needs to function at the level I require. I've looked into larger MacBooks (for budgeting purposes, mostly, although I wonder if I could trade-in my old laptops and have enough store credit for a used one?) but so far as I can tell the keyboard does NOT scale, which is irritating, as I'd prefer one with slightly larger keys so I stop stumbling over how close everything is. The other option is go back to Windows, but this is problematic as I very much prefer the iCloud files syncing to access my WIPs from my phone. Basically: no good solutions. I'll have to keep looking, which is fine, because I don't have the budget to get anything yet.
Not sure how to tie this in, as I suspect it's related to most, if not all, of my whining, but I've been noticing yet again that I have more "luck" writing analog than I do when I'm working on my phone or laptop. That makes it harder to track what I've written, but it's functional, and has gotten me through several sticking points.
Not sure what I'm going to work on after this commission is complete. I think, tentatively, that I might finish a JereJean PWP that has been on the backburner for a while, then finish roughing out my ex-mixtape fic (I got sick and ran out of time, so dropped the event) before polishing it for posting. After that, I want to revisit Vestigial, which has been shelved for a while. I'm hoping that if I get back in the groove of finishing stories, I'll be in a better headspace to get back to my original work, but we'll see. Nothing's set in stone just yet, and my writing stamina isn't high enough yet that I can just bust through any of these without long term repercussions. Slow and steady is key for a bit.
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"Broken & Beautiful" Chapter 22
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NOTES: Kudos to @peageetibbs for providing some insight into Simone's behavior as far as the manipulation is concerned. Although I don't know Simone's motives, the input helped me flesh out the Dr. Wright segment of this chapter.
Also, bear in mind that (A) Lilah has no idea about what Simone did to Jake when he was younger (the s*xual a*use and gro*ming). If she did, she wouldn't even try to understand Simone. She only knows what she told the psychiatrist; and (B) Simone's behavior can never be justified, knowing what we know about her.
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     It’s Thursday morning, and I wake up with a feeling of dread in my stomach. I know I need to seek an outsider’s opinion regarding my situation with Jake, but I’m afraid of what Dr. Wright will tell me. What if she advises me to step away from the relationship? What if she says there’s nothing to be done? Not to mention the fact that I feel guilty for planning on talking to her about this; like I’m betraying Jake. I know, deep down in my heart, that he would be none too pleased if he learned that his dynamic with Simone is the reason why I’m seeing Dr. Wright today. In fact, he’d be livid. But I feel like I have no choice. I can’t just talk to him about it because I’ve seen how loyal he is to Simone. Yet I can’t function like this anymore.
     Jake fell asleep on his back, with his arm under me. This means that I don’t have to pry myself out of his grip. Don’t get me wrong. I adore the fact that he’s a cuddler. Sometimes, there’s nothing I look forward to more than waking up in his arms. But I have to get ready for my appointment, and I don’t have a lot of time on my hands.
     I crawl out of bed, dressed in my cami top and sleep shorts, and take some fresh clothes into the bathroom. I take a quick shower and brush my teeth, all the while thinking about my appointment. By the time I exit the bathroom, dressed in a pair of jeans and a nice sweatshirt, Jake is already sitting up in bed. I sit down next to him, reaching out to play with his bed hair. “Morning.”
     He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, sounding a little groggy. “Morning. Glad I caught you before you left.”
     I lean over and kiss his bare shoulder a few times. “Me, too. I have to leave soon, though.” I lean against him. “Thank you for being so understanding. I know I haven’t been easy to deal with.”
     “You have been pretty hard to take,” he says, smirking at me.
     “No argument from me. But hopefully, Dr. Wright will help.”
     “I still wish you’d tell me what’s going on.”
     “I know. I just don’t want to be a burden.”
     “You’re not a burden.”
     My phone beeps, letting me know that I have a text message. “Looks like my ride is here. I love you, and I’ll see you at work.” We exchange a quick kiss before I get up and head for the door, stopping to look back at Jake when he speaks to me.
     “Hey. Sit with me and Simone at Family Dinner.”
     I fight the urge to cringe when he mentions Simone, offering him a smile and a nod. “Okay.” Who knows? Maybe after my appointment, I’ll be able to handle being around her without wanting to claw her eyes out.
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     I arrive about fifteen minutes early. After filling out some update paperwork and then checking in, I sit down and look through the magazines that are spread out on the table in front of me. I find one that peaks my interest and flip through it, stumbling upon a relationship quiz. I am about to answer question #6 (“Is there anything you’d like to try with your lover?”) when I look at the clock and realize that I have just five minutes before my appointment. I glance around the room to make sure I’m not being watched, and then quietly tear the two pages out of the magazine. I fold them up and put them in my purse, giving the receptionist a small smile when she looks my way. Seeing as this magazine was released in 2014, I’m pretty sure it’s okay to tear out two lousy pages.
     My name is called, and I toss the magazine onto the table before I follow Dr. Wright into her office. I take a look around, noticing that she’s made a few changes since our last appointment. “You redecorated,” I comment, my eyes immediately gravitating toward the fish tank in the corner. “And you got some fish!”
     “I did.” She sits in her leather arm chair while I sit down on the couch. “I’ve found that they help create a relaxing environment.” She crosses her legs, getting her notepad and pen ready. “It’s been a while since you’ve come to see me.”
     I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, already feeling nervous. “I know I should come see you more often. It’s just ... things have been busy for me. Thank you for seeing me ... and for not dropping me as a patient.”
     “You’re welcome." Dr. Wright takes a look through her notes as she continues. “The last time we talked, you said that you had experienced something that triggered memories of your mother’s death. Have you experienced any recurrences?”
     I shake my head. “No. I mean, I still think about her all the time. That’ll never change. But ... nothing has triggered me since that incident.”
     She updates her notes and then looks at me expectantly. “So, what would you like to talk about today?”
     Now I’m fidgeting. “Well, here’s the thing. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months now. He, umm ... He’s actually the one who helped me through that first night. You know, when I was triggered.”
     Dr. Wright looks through her notes again. “Jake?”
     I nod. “That’s the one. Anyway ... like I said, we’ve been together for a few months. And somewhere along the way, we actually fell in love. It caught me by surprise. Up until last year, he was the last one I thought I’d fall for. But after ‘the incident’ ... I don’t know. We just suddenly formed a connection. We became friends, and then ... more than friends.”
     “And how is this relationship progressing?” I blink at her, and she elaborates. “Would you say that it’s healthy?”
     “Oh, yes! I mean, we totally respect each other. We’ve got each other’s back. It’s not without some bumps. But overall, it’s great. It’s just ...” I hesitate, fighting the urge to chicken out.
     “Go on.”
     I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There’s this woman. Simone.”
     “Do you think he’s having a relationship with her?”
     I gesture wildly. “Oh, no! No! No! Definitely nothing like that. It’s just ... She has this hold over him.”
     “How do you mean?”
     I choose my words carefully, not wanting to reveal too much. “Jake’s mother ... left him when he was eight-years-old, and Simone’s family took him in.”
     “That was very kind of them.”
     “Yeah. It was. Except ...” I’ve stopped fidgeting, and now I’m bouncing my leg up and down. “Well, her parents didn’t exactly raise him. Simone did. She was only fifteen at the time.”
     “Where were her parents? Why didn’t they raise Jake?”
     I shake my head. “I honestly don’t know. I don’t know much about Simone’s family, really. It’s just ... ever since he was eight, Jake has lived with this fear of abandonment. He thinks of Simone as a mother figure. Which, I guess, is understandable. I mean, she did raise him. But Simone ... It’s like she uses his fear of abandonment to keep him around.”
     “Care to elaborate?”
     “For months, Jake talked non-stop about starting up a business with one of our co-workers. It was supposed to be a bar-slash-restaurant. He was so excited about it, and they even found a space that could work. He and Simone were supposed to sell her parents’ house on the Cape, and he was going to use his share of the money to help start up this business. And then, Simone pulled him aside one day and ... all of a sudden, he decided that he didn’t want to start up the business; that it was a stupid idea and it never would have worked.”
     “And you feel that Simone has something to do with this?”
     I nod. “Yes. Jake told me that she was willing to give up the house; that she encouraged him to use the money to start up the business. And then, he said that she brought up their childhood; how shi ... Sorry. I mean, how rough it was for them. Next thing I know, Jake is involved in this shouting match with Scott because he doesn’t want to go into business with him.”
     Dr. Wright stops taking notes long enough to look at me. “So you believe that Simone, while claiming to support Jake, intended to change his mind about his plans?”
     “Yes. I have a feeling that she’s - I don’t know - addicted to him needing her. And I don’t know what to do. I mean, I can’t exactly talk to him about it.”
     “Why do you say that?”
     “Because he can’t see what’s right in front of him. He is so obligated to her that he doesn’t realize that she manipulates him.”
     “It is true that many people have a difficult time seeing what is obvious to others. Some never do, and Jake may very well be one of those people. Then again, there may come a day when his eyes are opened. If Jake truly doesn’t want to listen to you, there isn’t much you can do other than love him, listen to him, and support him. But remember to set clear boundaries, Lilah. As important as Jake is to you, your mental and emotional welfare must be a priority as well. And ... I know you care for him, but it is not up to you to rescue him.”
     I bow my head and stare down at my interlocked hands, answering quietly. “I know.” It’s a hard pill to swallow, and I hate feeling helpless.
     “And as far as Simone is concerned ... I don’t know much about her. But going by what you’ve told me, she’s been a mother figure for Jake since she was 15-years-old. That is a great responsibility to take on. Especially at such a young age. I don’t know much about her childhood. Only what you’ve told me. But if what you said is true, it sounds like it was a very lonely one. For a time, it may be that Jake was her entire world. And now, even though they are both adults, she may be struggling with letting him go entirely.”
     Dr. Wright pauses, and I allow her words to sink in before she moves on. “There are some mothers - or, in this case, mother figures - who find it difficult to let go once their child has come of age. It may be that Simone feels that she is protecting Jake; that she doing what is right by him. And if this is the case, perhaps she doesn’t realize that she is depriving him of his independence.”
     I nod. “I never really thought of it that way. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
     “I hope it helps,” she answers, closing her notepad and setting down her pen. “I’m afraid our time is up.”
     I stand up and sling my purse over my shoulder, while she opens the door for me. Before I head out, she advises me to consider using my day off to take a mental health break. “Do something that you enjoy,” she says. “Or even something you’ve always wanted to try. Whatever you choose, make sure that it relaxes you. Remember: your mental and emotional health should be your first priority.”
     I nod, giving her a small smile. “I will. Thank you for seeing me.”
     Thankfully, it doesn’t take me too long to hail a cab. During the ride to work, I think about everything Dr. Wright said. All this time, I’ve hated Simone because of what she’s doing to Jake. But I’ve never really thought of her as an actual human being who, like Jake, has been damaged. It’s been easier to think of her as nothing more than a villain who keeps Jake where she wants him because she’s looking out for her own needs. Maybe, in her own way, she has been trying to protect him. And if that’s the case, then that means that what she said is right: we are similar.
     I arrive at 22W about twenty minutes before my shift starts, which gives me plenty of time to get ready and figure out what I’m going to do with the insight I’ve gained. While I don’t see myself ever becoming friends with Simone, I don’t have to be at war with her either.
     I’m adjusting my tie when Jake wanders into the room, carrying his bicycle. I watch as he sets his bike down before he kicks off his shoes. “Look who’s on time.” I close my locker and walk over to him, shaking my head in amusement. “Complete with pillow marks, I see. And I love the slight case of bed hair.”
     He hangs up his jacket and hoodie. “Yeah. I slept through the alarm. Barely had enough time to take a shower and get ready.” He slips out of his shirt and reaches for his dress shirt. “How was your appointment?”
     I lean against the lockers, watching as he buttons his shirt. “It was fine. I feel better. She helped me quite a bit.” He’s about to slip out of his jeans when I touch his arm. “Umm ... You haven’t said anything to Simone. Have you? You know, about me seeing a psychiatrist?”
     He furrows his brows at me, confused. “No. Why would I?” He shoves his jeans into the locker and pulls on his work pants.
     I shrug. “I don’t know. Just thought I’d ask. It’s just ... I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. But I don’t tell a lot of people about it.”
     He gives me a smile as he buckles his belt and zips up his pants. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”
     “Thanks. And just so you know, I’m going to work on being a little less worried. You know, about you. Will. Sasha. Ari. Maggie. Pretty much everything and everyone.”
     “Oh, yeah?”
     “Yeah. It’s exhausting, for starters. And it helps no one.”
     “Ain’t that the truth?” Jake jokes, straightening his tie before turning to face me. “Seriously, though. I’m glad you feel better.”
     “I do. I mean, I’m not fixed. Like you always say, no one is ever fixed. But I feel lighter.” I stand on my tip-toes and pull him in for a kiss. “Thank you for being so patient with me. I know I can be pretty annoying when I’m in one of my moods. I promise you that I really am going to try to lighten up.”
     “You’re welcome.” Jake puts on his shoes, and we make our way out of the locker room. “Are you still going to sit with me and Simone?”
     “Yeah.”
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haikyuuincorrecttrash ¡ 2 years
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100 letters
part 9.
The next letter was strange. Kageyama doesn't know what motivated him when he wrote this, it was difficult to write these words in ink on paper, but he did it, and he doesn't feel sad about it, except for a little shame.
This happened when Tobio was called to a youth camp.
"Hinata,
I'm leaving tomorrow. I don't know why I'm writing this, you already know that. No matter.
If you ask me, I will answer that I don't know how I got there and why I was chosen. As you are worthless without me, so I am worthless without you. I'm sure I won't be any different from the other setters out there. My serve is not as strong as Oikawa-san's. My reception is not as good as Nishinoya-senpai's. I can't score as well as Ushiwaka. My whole peculiarity is our fast, and only for it I can be credited with points. I don't want to leave, but I have to. It's a great honor to get there, but it would be an even greater honor if we got there together, because it would mean that my work was appreciated. I tried only for the sake of this fast one of ours and I've never tried so hard for something before. Our fast made me the setter that I am now, and if someone thinks that I don't understand this, they are mistaken.
You should have been there with me, we should have been there together, but the judges decided otherwise, and I am not the person who has the right to judge them.
I should be happy about this honor, but I'm not, I'm just thinking about what it was like for you to hear this news. Probably, you thought that no one notices your hard work on yourself, but I notice, and I see what a long way you have come from that clumsy player at the beginning to the volleyball player that you are now. You can do much more than you could then, and our fast one did it to you. It paved the way for both of us on the field. We have become those first-year students who play on a par with third-year students, and I ask you not to forget about it when you are going to do another stupid thing.
Will you ask me how I know this? Well, I know you. You probably already have a plan in mind how not to be left behind. It's good if it's training, but I doubt it very much. Most likely you came up with something crazy and slightly illegal. I can't wait to find out when I get back. And I hope you will wait for my arrival back to hear about everything that happened in the camp. I swear that I will tell these stories to you first.
In general, train, eat healthy food, do not forget to study. I'll be back soon.
Already missing,
Kageyama."
Tobio gave this letter to Hinata personally when they went home together for the last time, and asked him to read it when Shoyo was at home. They went in different directions, but Hinata couldn't resist and sat down at the bus stop, opening the letter. He cried when he realized that it wasn't a joke, that Kageyama would really leave, leaving him behind. Hinata even sat at the bus stop for a good half hour, trying to calm down. Tobio's words did not make it easier for him, because Shoyo could not get rid of the thought that he was abandoned, not taken into account, left to rot all alone. It was not so easy to get rid of this feeling, and it was then that Hinata decided that he had to do something. He has always been rich in all sorts of inventions, why should he stop now? He has to tell Kageyama something when he returns, because he is counting on him, and he will not let him down, as he has never let him down!
On the same day, Shoyo went and bought a small box with a lock, where he now hid all Kageyama's letters. It was beautiful with a big heart on the lid. Hinata tells himself that he bought it because it was the only one big enough, but he's lying because there was something else in it, something special that made the heart skip a beat in his chest, and nothing compares to this feeling.
Hinata reread this letter most often when Kageyama left. He reread it before going to bed, reread it in the morning, reread it when it became very difficult in Shiratorizawa's camp. At these moments, it seemed to him that he was no longer alone, and he remembered what he was trying to do – not to stay away when Tobio returned. So that when Kageyama returns, he won't be told that no one needs their fast anymore. Hinata is afraid to hear it. These words come to him in dreams, and he wakes up in a cold sweat. Therefore, he should try – so that there is more than one trick in stock.
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keefwho ¡ 9 months
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January 12 - 2024 Friday
11:40pm
3/10
This morning I decided not to clean because I was dreading doing anything today and everything is still pretty clean. It was super cold this morning and the shower is the only place I've been warm all day. for breakfast I made Dinty Moore beef stew with some brown rice and onions in it. I watched an episode of Bojack. I chose not to stream today but I did do my warmups. I copied torso sketches from my anatomy handbook. I wanted to do work on commissions today but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm on schedule so I really had no motivation to. In an attempt to do something, I did sketch a pretty good YCH I can release soon. At some point I gave up completely and played some Kerbal. I tried a lot today to make contact with a probe I sent to Eve and eventually learned it was just a bug that needed some quitting/reloading to fix so I didn't accomplish too much other than sending a couple satellites I didn't need. At lunch I made potstickers and stir fry ramen with way too many raw onions put in but it was good and crunchy. Afterwards I loosely planned to pick my schedule back up but I didn't. I did work on my project for a little bit and make a nice little bit of progress. I can't remember when but at some point in the afternoon I finally broke down and cried for just a little bit. I realized how stressed I was and how much I wanted to just let go of it. I think I had a lot bottled up and haven't been doing a good job of expressing things. I played more KSP and some Just Dance with Daisy. I tried playing Steel Division slightly and set up the next campaign mission. Daisy asked to VR tonight so I hopped on immediatly. I hopped into a new world and hung out with strangers until they left. Then I stopped by the 5 year TDS anniversary like I told Plaz I would even though he wasn't there yet. Daisy joined me there and then we hopped to Space Rangers. We played through this long map trying to catch up to them until we respawned and met up with them. We went to a small boat world that was cramped. Daisy realized Pink was on who hasn't been on for months so we joined on her to see what was up. We hung out in this Russian world for awhile and Tezza joined before leaving after a few minutes as per usual. Then we went to a windows XP vibe kinda world where we lowkey RPed making reservations and getting a tour of the facility. We went to one last cottage world before getting off. In bed I played Final Fantasy for Daisy and ranted a little bit because really I just wanted to talk all day. Now I'm going to bed in my onesie because I think thats the only way I can stay warm tonight. My heaters cannot keep up with the cold because of how poorly insulated the cabin is in some places.
As mentioned, today was awful. I had a crisis of sorts. I felt so disconnected from who I am and my past. I think maybe I was dissociating. I didn't know what to do about it so I shut down most of the day.
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t-ierrahumeda ¡ 10 months
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the power's been out for a while. neighbors said they tried to put the light on and things burned out. I'm being careful so I don't try - I'm afraid my computer will burn too, and even if I have the money to replace it, I want to keep it safe, because I built it with my own hands, and parts are expensive - I'd rather use my money for other things.
My cellphone is at 37%, but I still choose to listen to music. The beer is cold, because I put it with ice in a bowl. it's almost completely dark outside, but the lights from other blocks still illuminate the sky for a bit. On my balcony, I can barely see my hands before me. The sound of a thunder is near. Maybe it will rain.
I was supposed to do a few things today, and I managed most of them. It still feels like a failure. It never feels like I used my day as I should. I feel like I can do nothing right these days, as Beach Fossils sing in their kinda sad songs. I don't wanna lie in bed yet.
The day before yesterday I felt I should kill myself. I took a bit more of what I was supposed to take of my sleeping pills early, to ease myself into sleep and let another day come by, hoping the next day it would be better. It was, in a way. I still felt nauseous, and I yet have to find out what's causing it. I've been eating well, drinking a lot of water. Not too much coffee. It still comes back, like a hangover that shouldn't be there.
I repeat to myself the mantra: if it's scary, do it scared. I couldn't work out today, for a reason or another. It's fine. I can do it tomorrow, if my nerves allow me to. I chant to myself: "it's pointless, it's pointless", but a voice, a very small voice tells me "it will help you sleep, and it's good for your body and your mind. I told my mom I'd go on a walk today, but I couldn't go through. My neighborhood is not nice, it's not pretty, so there's no motivation. I know I should get outside more, but it scares me.
Mom goes to work, and the night is mine. Most of the times, I just go to sleep without eating dinner. Maybe a cherry tomato, to ward off the hunger. I know it makes no sense, the beer will spoil it anyways.
My eldest cat is with me on the balcony. He might be looking at me, or looking out - I have no way of knowing, it's all so dark, and I don't dare to light my flashlight to him, it would be rude. So it's still a mystery.
Power should come at around 22.00 pm, but I'm still worried about my PC. I do wish it would come, because it's really hard to sleep without my fan on: the sound soothes me.
It's not summer yet, but it will be soon. This week I started working again at my company, and my boss told me to keep it easy the first day, but tomorrow I'm expected to go at the same pace as my coworkers. When I told him that by my psychiatrist orders I should work from home for the time being, he wasn't pleased. I know I shouldn't care, since I'm quitting this company in two months, but the sensitive part of me cares. I hate being singled out and disliked by others - I don't want to be loved either, just go by unnoticed. That suits me better.
I don't have a set plan for after I quit. It might be my downfall, with my self esteem issues. it will be hard to find a job because I don't trust myself.
Everyone around me tries to encourage me, but I feel like the look and behaviour of this coworker is spot on: you're useless, you're a nuisance, you should stop bothering me. And deep inside I feel she's right. And I'm so scared everyone will know, eventually. That the mask will come out and they'll see me for what I am.
I'm good at some things, but they're useless in the real world. I don't have luck with them in the internet world either - they go unnoticed, the only thing I wish was noticed.
The light is out still. 33% for now.
Mom is not here, but I doubt she'd be of much help. She sees me down, and she wishes to help me, but nobody but myself can. I can see her growing weary, taking care of her adult daughter, when she should be on her own, with a girlfriend, independent, stable. I know I tire her. There's so much she can offer me.
I tried dating, but I can't connect with anybody. I'm afraid I'll reveal something about me, and that they'll accept me anyways, but I wouldn't be able to go through it. It has happened before. I keep creating goals for me, so that when I reach them I'll be able to love someone back, but I keep failing them, either sabotaging myself, or simply not feeling anything. Sex means nothing to me. I've grown accustomed to being by myself and satisfying myself. I don't truly believe anyone would truly love someone as wretched, as cold, as unattached as me. And I don't mind it.
My friend falls in love so easily. I envy her. I envy many of my friends, and sometimes I refuse to see them because I don't want them to see what a wretched thing I've become. they still love me for some reason I still yet have to understand. Maybe they're blind. Maybe they hold to some hope I don't understand.
I'm going on a trip next month. It's a beautiful place, I've been there before. I'm a bit afraid I won't have a good time, even though forests calm me and frighten me at the same time. I went on a trip with these friends and I couldn't enjoy a little bit of it. I tried my best, but I couldn't. I cried a lot. when I came back, I had to take two days off from work. The last day, I committed myself to a mental health hospital because my desire of killing myself was too high.
after I went to the outside world, I kept crying. sometimes I cry too, these days. A little, or a lot.
I really hope things get better. I've never been on a depressive episode like this. They usually end after a month. This has been going on for many months. Most of the times I don't know what to do with myself. I try to keep to a routine, but the hours pass so slow....and the next day doesn't promise anything good; it's kinda like a lottery.
I don't want to keep living like this for the rest of my life. Nothing I try seems to work. Every day feels like forever, and the best time of the day is when I finally go to sleep. I don't like this one bit. but they keep telling me it's a process, I've gotta toughen up and endure it, it will be okay. But will it? It feels neverending. I have no motivation to draw, to embroider, to work out, to cook, to keep my body healthy. It means nothing. I do my best to endure it, but how long will my resolve stand up? I'm tired. It feels everyday that I shouldn't have been born, that it was all a mistake. I feel so lonely. A fuck won't fix me, a few likes on a piece I worked hard on means nothing.
I keep dreaming I will be saved. That I will go back to my times in highschool, where everything was painful but it still had a glimmer of hope. I drink my 4th beer and nothing feels better. It only serves as a reminder I can't exist in a world like a normal person. Like my friends are. They have it figured out, then why do I not? I'm old enough. I should. It hurts. And yet another day comes. I wish I could stay sleeping for the rest of my life. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself, I keep thinking about my family. About my cats. About some glimmer of hope that eventually will come.
I'm tired. So really tired.
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lone-wolf-no-more ¡ 2 years
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The World is a Scary Place...You Can Handle It!
Friday, March 10th, 2023 [Day 13]
Still easing in to riding the bicycle. Don’t feel too keen on riding on these streets, even on the sidewalk. Too many blind spots at street intersections and driveways. Hopefully I can get over to the bike trail sometime soon. As it is, the nearest connection to it is just over a mile away, and that’s a mile with parts that don’t even have sidewalks for me to go on. Drivers are a bit delirious and crazy around here at times, so I’m so sure about venturing out that far, even if I was capable of it.
Spent a good amount of time today both with refining the trading plan, and watching more videos on trading. Another conclusion I’ve arrived at with that: less is more. I cannot approach it with a 9 to 5 mentality, and expect that the more I stare at the charts, the more I will make. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. It’s more like, there are certain days of the week, and certain times of those days that will work the best for me, and I will focus on them exclusively. Because there is one thing I keep hearing from other traders who are way ahead of me: the best traders trade less, and just stay consistent and disciplined. And an extension of that idea is that the most successful people are really good at a few things, or even just one. And not only that, but they get more and more selective within their own field of work or entrepreneurship (and life in general) about what deals they go after, what friendships and connections they choose to make, and circling back to what I was saying before, what’s really important to them. And that last one (what’s really important) helps drive their decision about all the other stuff in that list.
Inwardly, I’ve been trying to stop and catch myself when I do the “It’s been___months/years since I did this/saw this/talked to this person/this happened”, because I know that’s most likely coming from that negative “looking backwards” mentality. Because honestly, at this point in my life, basically freaking anybody in my position would agree I have more than enough discomfort and restlessness concerning my current position and circumstances to motivate me to change things ASAP without also unnecessarily (yet again) tapping into pain from the past. I don’t know why my brain insists on being so obsessed about dates and how much time has passed, or whatever, but it’s honestly getting very...old. Wow, our concept of time (whatever time is, we don’t really know), is so prevalent in the way we talk, isn’t it?
Especially after what took place yesterday, I’ve implemented a practice for when I go to sleep. No matter how tired I feel, I will at least feed my brain some positivty before going to sleep (espeically with my hyper-active, vivid dream creating brain) by at least just saying words with the positive feelings and future I want to have. So, let’s say I’m too tired to say something like, “Why am I so positive and enthusiastic about the future?”, or “Why are my thoughts and dreams so positive and pleasant [or peaceful], hopeful and happy?”, I’ll just say, “Happiness...Hope...Positivity...Peace...Prosperity...Healing...Hope...Creativity...Calm.” See what I’m doing there? It’s quite simple. I choose words that are easy to remember that are what I want my thoughts and dreams to be while I’m sleeping and in bed, and choosing pairs that are both synonyms and have the first letter. This makes it easy for my brain to remember them and chain them together.
Also been more seriously thinking about how ticked off I am about all the lies mainstream media is giving us, and how it’s been hurting folks, most especially children (hello “emergency use, experimental” gene therapy). And I’ve been wondering how do I do what I love, and make the impact I want, without “getting canceled”, basically. Like, it makes no sense to get all obsessed over fictional worlds and characters (or even real people who I look up to) and how heroes make a difference and stand up for the weak, and those who can’t speak for themselves, and just live life on the sidelines, collecting money and personal trophies, so to speak. Yet another thing I need to give more serious thought before too long.
Toodaloo...
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